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#but i am HURTING and you DO NOT GIVE A SHIT AND YOU KEEP SAYING YOU DO
thebearer · 4 hours
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please please please need a part two of the fight blurb 😭 what happens next 😭😭😭
should i make it into a full fic omg?? maybe?? lol
but on the real, i think that he would have to take a leave from the restaurant, which truthfully, everyone needed. this is just what broke him. the one time he actually tries to deal with his shit and not just blow up, get embarrassed, try to make it up, and repeat the cycle with no real change. i mean, you took his babies? anchovy and teddy. you're not returning his calls. richie, fak, and sweeps are alternating wellness check watches because they're terrified he's going to hurt himself, especially after the way he spiraled when he found your wedding ring.
he knows where you're at. he managed to become technologically savvy all of a sudden and figured out how to see your location, that you shared with him when you first started dating. fak wouldn't let him take his car. richie had put him on a full blown "psych ward type shit" lockdown until he "got his shit together, cousin".
"richie said-"
"-richie's a fuckin' moron, give me my fucking keys, fak!"
"carmen," fak frowns. "i-i can't."
so carmen walked. he walked to sugar and pete's house. nearly an hour walk through chicago. smoking so much he felt sick.
pete answered the door, face falling as soon as he saw carmen.
"carm, h-hey, man-"
"-where is she?" carmen wasn't interested on any sort of small talk, tunnel visioned to get to you.
"uh, i-i don't-"
"-pete, i really don't want you to fuck with me right now, alright." carmen took a deep breath, throat burning with tears. "i need to see- i-i need to see her pete." he couldn't bring himself to even say your name.
a tiny meow came from behind pete, anchovy skippering towards carmen with bright eyes, tail raised. it made carmen's jaw clench, tears blurring his vision. he knew you had to be close by. looking at the time, you were probably feeding teddy, maybe putting her down for a nap. he should have been more considerate, came later in the day, carmen thought.
pete looked at the cat, down the hall, then back at carmen. "carm..." pete hesitated, gripping the door, letting it shut gently, shielding something behind him. "you know i can't."
"what the fuck? pete that's- just let me in." anger surged through carmen's chest, trying to swallow it down. all he'd been was angry. angry and sick and distraught, a never ending cycle for weeks, just amplified by your leaving.
"you want to get her back? quit actin' like a goddam baby." richie sneered one night, just days ago, when carmen was especially awful and mean. "quit actin' like this isn't your fuckin' fault. like you didn't do this to yourself. take some fuckin' accountability, grow the fuck up, and get your motherfuckin' shit together. and maybe-maybe you'll get your family back."
carmen turned, running a hand over his face, trying to calm himself. keep himself from crying, from screaming, from pushing pete down and running back there so he could see you himself- throw himself at your feet and beg for forgiveness.
"pete, please? please?" carmen's voice wobbled, breaking gently. "please l-let me talk to her. just let me- let me tell her i'm sorry. don't-"
"-carmen?" sugar's voice came from behind pete. her face dropped, different than pete's, her's was angry. "what the fuck are you doing here?"
"why do you think i'm here, natalie? huh?-"
"-oh, you've got a lot of fucking nerve showing up here." natalie sneered, pulling the door open and stepping out. "pete, go inside."
"nat-"
"-i got it." natalie hissed, eyes narrowing at carmen. she waited until pete left, shaking her head at him. "you should be fucking ashamed-"
"-i am-"
"-mortified." sugar continued. "do you know what i came home to the other night? i came home to pete taking care of your baby because your wife came here sobbing- sobbing, because you screamed at her? what the fuck is wrong with you? huh?"
"i don't know." carmen's voice was tight, fighting a tremble. "i-i don't fuckin' know. i didn't- i-i didn't mean-" a tear fell, the final crack in his demeanor. carmen wasn't sure how he had tears left, how he could sob anymore. yet here he was, on his sister's porch, tears flowing again.
sugar didn't comfort him, didn't move, just watched him through glaring eyes. "please let me s-see her. let me se-ee teddy, sugar, don't-don't keep my kid from me-"
"-i'm not keeping your kid from you." sugar snapped. "i didn't take teddy away. you know who did? you. you did carmen."
carmen flinched, he knew it was true but it still stung. "i know you don't remember dad very well, but you're acting just like him." sugar sneered.
"and before you try and come up with an excuse-"
"-i-i'm not-"
"-i want you to know, that every day. every single fucking day, there's days i want to drink myself to sleep. that mj or maggie make me want to pull my hair out and scream, or pete does something that infuriates me, but you know what i don't do?" sugar stepped towards carmen, arms still crosses. "i don't yell at them, i don't drink myself incoherent, i don't fucking act like mom or dad because i know how that felt." sugar jabbed a finger in her chest, eyes holding carmen's gaze intensely.
"i know how that fucked me up, i know how it fucked them up, how it fucked you and mikey up too- how it fucked everything in our fucking life up!" natalie laughed humorlessly. "and the last thing, the very last thing i would want, is to do that to pete, to my kids, to anyone."
carmen felt sick and yet eerily calm all at once. his chest was tight, he was sure he couldn't breathe, but he couldn't stop listening. a damning realization- a shameful one.
"you need to make up your mind, right here, right now, before you see anyone else." natalie stepped back towards the door. "you need to decide if you're going to continue to be a selfish piece of shit, or if you're going to change. and i can tell you, change is uncomfortable- it's not easy. you have to fight for it every single day. but i would rather do that than not have my family."
she looked down at carmen, twisting the knob. "you decide that, then maybe- maybe you can see them." carmen flinched at the door slamming behind her, not moving from his place on the porch, head in his hands.
fak showed up nearly an hour later, wide eyed and rambling about "how the fuck did you just leave? i was playing ball buster and-and then you're gone-"
carmen ignores him, sliding into the car slowly. "carmen?"
"you uh," carmen's voice is hoarse, staring straight ahead. "you said that, uh, that richie's got.... got someone for me to talk to?"
fak blinks, nodding slowly. "the therapist? yeah-"
"-take me there." carmen looks over at sugar's house. he isn't sure if it's his imagination or not, but for a moment he swears he can see you, peeking through the blinds.
"a-are you ok?" fak is worried, a little rattled at the sudden change. especially since carmen had been so adamant about not seeing "your stupid fuckin' therapist, richie, clearly she's no fuckin' good because look at you! you're still fucked up!" carmen's enraged words from days ago.
"no," carmen admits, throat swelling with a growing lump. "but, uh, i-i wanna be." he admits quietly, looking over at fak. "i gotta get my shit together, fak. i-i gotta be better for them."
fak doesn't deny it, doesn't console him. just goes quiet with a nod, driving away. carmen watches sugar's house disappear in the rearview, his heart aching, breaking, but he knows natalie is right. he knows he'll be back once he's better, that he has to be better. for teddy. for you. for your family.
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clanwarrior-tumbly · 2 days
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Hi there!
If you still take stardew valley requests please write hurt/comfort with Shane and (gn) reader about Shane getting progressively more worried about the farmer each time they go mining because of all the injuries they get there to the point where one day he snaps and breaks down in front of the farmer. It would be nice if you could show shane slowly loosing his mind each day but that would probably make the fic longer so no pressure. just pls make sure theres comfort after the hurt, bad endings make me sad :(
Thank you in advance, and even if you choose not to write this i hope you still have a lovely day.
I'm always down for Shane angst <3
In my main file I fear he's like this bc I'm constantly coming back from the dangerous mines/skull caverns on like 1 hp at 1:50 am
......
(Spring, Year 1)
"Hi, Shane!"
"God, what do you want now?"
"Nothing. I'm off to the mines." You grinned at the rugged man in front of you, holding up your pickaxe. "I'm shooting for level 120 this time, and hopefully I can pick up more gems along the way."
Shane raised a brow. "...and I care because?"
"You don't have to. Just thought I'd let you know."
'What? Like you think I'll go looking for you if you pass out? Forget it. Whatever happens is your own damn fault."
"I know the risks, but thank you." You politely answered, ignoring his blunt rudeness before checking the monster slayer guide. "The Adventurer's Guild wants me to slay a ton of bats...only 200 more to go."
""Adventurer's Guild?" Sounds stupid and childish." He grumbled, taking a swig of joja cola in his grasp. He was already running late to work, and he didn't want to get yelled at by Morris.
And he certainly didn't want you, the new farmer who made it their mission to annoy the shit out of him everyday, being the reason.
"Well it's neither of those things. It's actually thrilling." You chuckled, before digging an emerald out of your pocket. "I meant to sell this yesterday, but you can have it."
"...the hell? What am I supposed to do with this?" His brows furrowed at the green mineral you shoved into his hand.
"Keep it..for good luck, I guess?" You shrugged. "You can put it in your pocket and forget about it if you want. I just wanted to give you something nice. Plus, not to be weird, but...it kinda reminded me of your eye color."
Normally, any other villager would've been thrilled that you wanted to befriend them with gifts that reminded you of them.....
Yet Shane just stared at you as though you've confessed to stalking him.
"If you wanna give me something that's actually "nice", buy me a beer at the saloon next time." He sneered, brushing past you and continuing towards JojaMart, while you headed north of town, already knowing what you're gonna do tonight.
When you looked over your shoulder, you could see him pocket the emerald rather than throw it away despite him passing by several trash cans.
And you smiled.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(Present Day)
"Awh, you still held onto that emerald even after all this time?"
"Yeah, so what? It was the first gift anyone's really given me.." Shane confessed, heat rising to his cheeks as he held the mineral between his fingers. "I never believed in all that crap about crystals and "energy" that Emily talks about. But..I just like keeping this one around. It's like...erm..."
"A testament to the start of our friendship and eventual marriage?" You cheekily grinned as you polished your weapon, before looking to your husband.
He nodded. "Exactly what I was gonna say."
"I know you so well." Chuckling, you walked over to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm gonna head to the mines, okay? Welwick says the spirits will shower everyone in good luck. I wanna see if the fabled prismatic shards really do exist."
Almost immediately, Shane froze..and he found himself wanting to desperately say "no" and convince you to stay on the farmhouse.
But he didn't know why.
From the moment he met you, he knew you sought adventure and profits in the mines, fighting all sorts of monsters for the Adventurer's Guild. He's seen skeletons, mummies, and golems caged up at Spirits' Eve festivals, but never the wild ones below the surface who attacked you relentlessly.
Yet you never let the constant dangers deter you from exploring.
Mining was exhausting work, yet rewarding every time you cracked a stone open to find a diamond or discovered a treasure chest. With the materials you've gathered, you were able to craft some rings to wear, enchanted with powers to help make your excursions easier and safer.
Despite being well-prepared, though, Shane did have his concerns...especially as once you came home after clashing with skeletons, a scar on your head from a flying femur bone that still hasn't fully healed.
You only went to Harvey to get it checked out after your husband--who was your boyfriend at the time--insisted on it.
Even before that, he'd see you around town, bearing a new bug bite, scratch, burn, bruise, or bandaid on your body.
It never worried him before, but after that skeleton incident, he finally understood that those monsters were real and you were seriously getting yourself hurt.
He'd go to the mines with you if not for his fears that he'll only make things worse. There's a good chance he'll slow you down and find himself getting swarmed by slimes, bats, bugs, and whatever the hell else was there....and he wasn't exactly the most fit to swing a sword or pickaxe.
Simple walks made him tired.
What good would he do?
"Shane? What's wrong?"
Blinking, he snapped out his thoughts and saw your concerned face. "Nothing, sweetheart." He dismissed, giving you a little smile. "Just be careful out there, alright? I'll take care of things here."
"Thank you, baby." Smiling back, you gave him a kiss before heading out the door with your backpack and tools. "Off to the bottom of the mines I go!"
Shane tensed.
"Wait-"
As quickly as the door opened, it slammed shut, and he was left by himself in the cabin.
It was an uncomfortable silence.
'Maybe I should've tagged along.....buh, what am I saying? They'll be fine. They do this all the time. Stop getting so worked up, idiot..' Clearing his mind yet again, he went off to check things around the farm for you, deciding to watch TV later on.
There was gonna be another Tunneler's game tonight, so at least he had that to look forward to.
Nothing like that, some good food in the fridge, and this cozy cabin he got to call home...
And it was all because of you.
If you could build everything here and still having the energy to go mining and fight monsters, why should he worry?
.
.
.
.
.
1:20 AM
After a productive day, Shane managed to fall asleep early for once.
Only be woken up by the creak of the bedroom door.
Light almost immediately flooded his vision, stirring him from his slumber as he grumbled and tried to shield his eyes, wondering what time it was.
"Fuck..morning already-?"
"No, honey..it's...just me. Sorry.."
He blinked, sitting up to see that it was only you coming into the room, removing your rings. One of them served as your light source, yet it didn't hide the numerous scratched and bruises that littered your skin.
And they were all fresh.
"Babe, wha...are you okay?" Shane was now fully awake, watching as you peeled off your jacket and trousers, tossing them into the corner of the room before dragging yourself into bed.
Only then could he see your injuries up close and personal, and his heart began racing. "What happened? You look like hell."
"I'm fine, Shane. I just..need to sleep it off.."
"B-But...there's blood everywhere.." He mumbled, his eyes going to the clothes in the corner. "I can call Harvey-"
"No..don't. I already patched myself up. I'll be fine in the morning..I just wanna be here with you." Smiling weakly, you kissed him, before putting the prismatic shard into his hand. "Look. It exists...haha...it's so pretty, right? It's yours."
He didn't know what to say, staring dumbfounded at the mineral.
What hell did you go through to get this?
And as much as he loved it..why get it for him?
Why risk your life?
But when he looked back to question you further, you were already passed out beside him, looking peaceful despite the wounds on your body.
Eventually, he slid the prismatic shard under his pillow and laid back down, only to hesitate in wrapping his arm around you.
All he could do was gaze at your exhausted face..and the dried blood under your nose.
Least to say, he had trouble falling back to sleep.
..........
Ever since that night, Shane's grown increasingly worried over your safety during your mining trips. And it began to affect his usual routine around the farm.
In fact, calling it "worry" at this point would be a heavy understatement..
It became straight-up paranoia.
Whether you headed off to the mines or Skull Caverns early because of an "extra lucky day" or simply because you needed a specific resource, you'd always come back home the same way:
At later hours, with more injuries and bandages than last time, constantly on the verge of passing out and barely able to hold a conversation with him.
Of course, you'd have breakfast with him, and you'd never leave the farmhouse without giving him a kiss...but it did nothing to ease his mind, as he'd constantly see your wounds and dread whatever horror stories you were about to tell him.
Even though you're perfectly nonchalant as you talk about a serpent who tried wrapping itself around you and squeeze every last breath out of your body, it made Shane feel utterly sick to his stomach.
How could you be so calm after so many brushes with death?
He didn't understand.
On the surface, he seemed fine with you leaving. But when you did, he'd find himself turning to beer to calm his nerves..although most days he was able to resist the urge and occupy himself with farming tasks or video games.
Despite this, he hasn't outright told you anything. He knew mining was your passion and thought you'd chastise him for "worrying over nothing".
So he kept it to himself, thinking his anxiety was being stupid.
Then the final straw came the evening when he got a call from Harvey's clinic around 5PM.
One that he hoped to never hear:
You passed out, and were currently being treated for serious injuries.
He bolted out the cabin, all the way to the town square and damn near broke the door down. There, Harvey, Linus, and Marlon were at your bedside, the latter two having brought you in after seeing you fall unconscious in from of the elevator, covered in blood and shrapnel.
Fortunately, you were expected to make a full recovery with just stitches and some IV fluids to rehydrate your body...but you still owed Shane one hell of an explanation.
This time around, you landed in an "infested" area of the 100s, trying to use a bomb to kill off most of the monsters.
Only to trip over a stupid lava crab and drop the bomb after you just ignited it, damn near losing your leg trying to kick it away from you in time.
And by the grace of Yoba, you were able to limp your way back to the ladder, return to floor zero, where Linus so-happened to be passing by the mine entrance.
You gave the poor old man quite a fright, as he didn't know how much blood on you was from the monsters...or you.
In the end, the bomb left shrapnel in your flesh, searing your clothing and requiring stitches to ensure you didn't bleed out. You appreciated Harvey for his quick work and for Linus and Marlon for taking you to him.
However nobody in that clinic was more terrified over your condition than Shane, who was in disbelief that you were able to stand and walk back home with him after getting discharged.
He wouldn't talk to you, although his hands shook as he helped you into bed, still sleeping beside you like he did every night before this.
But this time...he had the worst nightmare possible.
He was down in the mines with you, except he felt stuck and couldn't do anything to warn you or save you from the impending danger.
It was like he was spectating a game, instead forced to watch as the bats and monsters made of shadows descended upon you with their teeth bared and claws out, tearing into your body. You had yelled for him to save you, to stop being useless, damning him for not stopping you from leaving...yet their horrible noises drowned out any further shouts.
Then you were gone.
You were gone and he failed you.
And it was all his fault.
It made him joltbwide awake at 3 AM, and he felt like his heart was about to burst from his chest. His mind kept going to you, constantly checking to make sure you're still breathing, unable to fall back to sleep for a while.
When he did, he was in tears.
..........
"No."
"Shane, I know last night was bad. But I'm not-"
"You're not going to the mines today. I mean it."
Dumbfounded, you gazed at Shane, who was physically blocking you from leaving the cabin. A scowl was written all over his face.
You sighed and rubbed the side of your head. "It's only the first few levels, honey. Willy needed bug meat for-"
"Right. The "first few" you say, and then I'll get a call from Harvey at 2 AM about you needing emergency surgery again." He gritted his teeth, tears coming to his eyes. "Whatever he or anyone in this damn town needs in those mines can wait. Why can't you just stay?!"
"I don't understand.." Your eyebrows furrowed. "You never cared before if I went there. What changed?"
"What changed....? What changed is that I've been having a lot more of sleepless nights lately! I can barely eat or do anything except worry and worry about you. And it's because...because..." He trailed off.
"Because what?"
"......."
You sighed. "Shane, if you're not gonna tell me what's wrong, then I don't see why-"
"Because you've been scaring me to death okay?!" His hands now gripping your shoulders as he stared at you. "You think you're invincible, but you aren't. What don't you get?! How badly are you gonna let those things hurt you?! Or be the reason YOU DROP DEAD AND DON'T COME HOME?!!" He screamed.
Your own eyes widened, stunned by his words..and eventually you saw the realization flash across his face as he blurted out his true feelings.
The ones he tried to hide from you, yet consumed him for hours upon hours whenever you left for the mines.
It made your heart plummet.
His breath hitched, and you then saw the tears beginning to fall from his greenish eyes.
"Shane..."
"[Y/n], you saved me from throwing my life away. And...i-it's like you're throwing away yours for no reason!" He sobbed. "Night after night, I have nightmares of seeing your limp body..a-and....and I can't save you. I can't do anything except scream and beg them to stop hurting you! But they never listen! A-And...I just...I-I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you..."
He looked totally shattered, making you finally realize how serious this was.
Your guilt right now was immensurable, watching the man you loved fall apart right in front of you.
And it was your fault.
"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry..." You pulled him into a tight hug, and he completely broke down in your arms. His quiet crying became muffled by your shoulder. "I..I had no idea you were feeling that way. Why didn't you tell me about the nightmares sooner?"
"You would've thought..th-they were stupid. Or that I sound "needy" or controlling.." He sniffled. "I-I know I can't stop you from going, but...I just..a-after what happened to you last night, I...I.."
"Oh, honey..that was my dumb mistake. The monsters had nothing to do with my injuries." Rubbing his back, you gently kissed his head. "I was tired and got clumsy with a stupid bomb..but I promise it won't happen again. You're right. I'm not invincible. I need that reality check sometimes."
He didn't say anything, instead holding onto you tighter.
You never realized how badly your mining trips and injuries were affecting him...affecting this very relationship.
The Shane you met back in Year 1 could care less if you dropped dead. He outright said he'd never go looking for you and that whatever happened was your own fault.
But the Shane you knew now was crying in your arms over the mere thought that one day you'll go into the mines and never come out, holding it all in until he couldn't anymore.
You've really helped him open up to you, but now you were tearing him apart inside and never really knew it until this point.
"W-Will you just..stay here today, please?" He finally spoke, not caring about how needy or pathetic that sounded.
"...I will." You answered. "I'll take a break from mining for a good while."
"....you would do that for me?"
"Of course. I'd do anything for you, Shane. Hell..I'd give that up altogether if you wanted me to."
You felt him shake his head, and you chuckled, squeezing him tightly. "I'm only kidding, but I promise. No more mining this week."
Shane raised his head up, looking to make sure you were serious. And he saw nothing but sincerity in your expression.
You sighed softly and cupped the sides of his wet face, seeing the torrent of anxiety and frustration raging like an ocean current in his eyes. "You must've felt so lonely and terrified, baby..I'm sorry. I won't make you feel that way ever again."
He sniffled again as you brushed away his tears, before taking ahold of your wrist to kiss your palm...where your first scar from a rock crab came from.
How badly did he wanna kiss away every scar those bastards left on you until none remained.
Some faded with time and care, but others were more permanent--testaments to your survival down in the mines..as well as your several brushes with death.
Heat rose to your cheeks, watching him become so affectionate and gentle with you, even though he knows you're not made of glass whatsoever.
Eventually, his tears ceased as you both decided to go lay down on the bed together, with Shane cuddling up to you and resting his head on your chest. All he could hear was your strong heartbeat drowning out the noise in his mind.
It was still kicking, like you.
"Thank you..god, that was exhausting.." He mumbled. "I'm sor-"
"You don't have to be sorry for being honest with me." You reassured, petting his hair. "I just..wish I picked up the signs sooner."
"INah, I should've been clearer...and maybe that would spare myself this headache I got now.."
"Hmm..how about we sleep in until you feel better? Then we can check on the chickens."
Feeling him nod and wrap his arms around you, you took that as a "yes" and chuckled softly, knowing you weren't gonna leave this spot anytime soon.
But that's okay.
There's no other place you'd rather be. Not even the mines.
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beatrixstonehill2 · 2 days
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"Holy crap, you're even more beautiful in person," Richard told his Tinder date, Michelle.
She shot him a humored smirk. "Thanks.... um, not sure how to say this, I'm flattered, but....... uh..."
"I swear I'm not even trying to be corny, you're one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. It never ceases to amaze me as a doctor the results trans girls like you get when you go on blockers and start high doses of hormones in your teens. You look phenomenal."
Michelle blushed. "Dr. Klein......."
"Please, just call me Richard. We're here to have fun, not be professional. And you look like a girl who knows how to have fun. Those breasts are just divine! And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see that pathetic little one-inch cock of yours. When I saw those pictures on your profile, it looked so feminine and cute. Sorry to gush like this, I just--"
Michelle giggled, suddenly pulling down her pants, shifting her legs, showing she had a thick, ten-inch erection. "I'm sorry I forgot to delete my Tinder. Ummmm, soooo....... I stopped estrogen like four months ago......"
"Oh.... my. Look at that growth. Why did you stop, darling?"
She bit her lip sexily, eyeing him confidently. "I'm detransitioning."
"What!? But why? You're so gorgeous, Michelle."
"It's Michael now," he lowered his voice, which began to crack and drop shortly after stopping estrogen. "What? Surprised? My profile had no updates for like six months, dude."
"Oh, shit. I didn't notice. I was so enamored by the videos of you flaunting those breasts, stroking your tiny cock, and talking about your transition and how happy you were to be a girl."
Michael stroked his growing cock, looking around to make sure nobody was looking. "Shhhh, yeah, I'm lazy, I really need to update that. I hope you aren't too disappointed."
"Not at all, you'll make a very handsome guy, that's for sure. What made you change your mind? You seemed so proud to be female."
"Well, I've always been a guy," he curled his voice naughtily. "I dunno..... one of my trans friends, a fakegirl named Lucy, just as hot as me, breasts almost as big, too. She detransitioned out of the blue and loved being a man. He started having sex with all these cute girls, going to parties, topping soooo many hot college girls. I got mad jealous. I figured it couldn't hurt, so I stopped my hormones. Male puberty happened in, like, the blink of an eye! I have a full beard now and everything, wanna see?"
"Sure. Might as well, darling."
Michael let go of his cock, which remained rock hard out in front of him as he very femininely took a makeup wipe from his bag and removed the foundation and concealer on his chin and neck. "Tada! See? Pretty cool, huh? My mustache is coming in, too. Wish it'd grow faster but oh well."
"I still can't believe my eyes.... What a shame, you were so gorgeous!"
Michael shrugged. "It's not a big deal. Anyway, I've done voice training," he said, back in his girl voice. "So I can sound like a girl if you really want..... And I still have these oversized boy boobs for another few days."
"You're getting top surgery?"
"Uh.... duh! Why would I keep them? I'm trying to see what it's like to be a guy, plus detransing is just so much fun I can't help myself! My cock is legit hard 24/7! See?" He stroked it a few more times, softly moaning in his girl voice for him. "I can't believe I was missing out on this for so long. When I cum I feel like I'm gonna pass out it's so intense! I don't care how much I pass or how pretty I am, as soon as I saw Lucy get such a big cock, get all muscular and hairy and, well..... so manly out of the blue! God.... it's all I can think of, giving up on being some pretty little fake girl and becoming a man!"
"Well, you certainly seem to have your mind made up. Would you do me a kindness?"
"Sure, sorry I didn't delete the app and dragged you out here. I'm happy to be a girl for you, if only for the day!" Michael playfully tugged on his cock, giggling in a perfect girl voice.
"Good boy, but let's have some more fun than that."
"OK....? What do you wanna do?"
"All day, I want you to pretend to be my trans daughter, who I'm forcing to detransition."
Michael blushed hot red. "Ummmmmm, er...... wow! I....."
"Flustered? Poor boy. I want to introduce you to as many affluent, wealthy men here as possible. I'll tell them you transitioned in college, and now you've come home, and I'm forcing you to take testosterone and become a guy. Of course, I'll fuck your ass in front of them, telling them what a pathetic sissy I have for a son, showing off those flabby breasts, telling everyone I'm forcing you to have them chopped off this week. And you'll serve all these men, and ask to be treated like a naughty femboy who needs to be punished for pretending to be a girl. How's that sound?"
"Richard...... I mean Daddy, just one question."
"Yes, my confused little angel?"
"Can we make it the whole weekend instead of just today? And..... maybe we can do this again after my boobs get removed?"
"Of course, darling. Now let's find some wealthy men to flaunt that big fat fakegirl cock in front of."
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east-polaris · 18 hours
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Some thoughts on the last few Magnus Protocol episodes as I’ve just now gotten caught up
SPOILERS!! Obvi
- feels rather cruel to have Alice be shaken up by her experience with The Horrors and worried that she’s going to get hurt by interacting with them and then give her a statement about someone who was shaken up by their experience with The Horrors and then died because of their interaction with them
- also return and voice of Ink5oul! Hey girlie!
- the fact that Madame E’s last video was just titled “help” made me giggle at first but then o thought about it more and. This is a person who uses excessive words on everything she says. Her vocabulary is loaded with filler and slang, so for this video to just have a one word title? Yeah you know shits about to go down
-Gwen girlie I hate to agree with Lena but they are Calle externals for a reason
- I am so curious about what’s going on with Celia. Like did she just wake up on a railroad track like an old times super villain put her there?
- And where does Celia keep disappearing to? She missed her date with Sam, she had to run out on her child, what’s going on?
- The statement in 17 is wild I was so confused at the beginning and I’ll be honest I’m still not sure what was happening there
- I know for a fact that people have pointed this out already but Jon and Martin?? In the therapy waiting room? Little Jon and Martin as a treat?? I hope it was them god knows they need the therapy
- MAGNUS INSTITUTE MENTION 🚨‼️🚨‼️
- this statement reminds me of when Jon said man I wish we had that guy who could take peoples bones out and Melanie said you’ll never guess who were keeping in the basement
- shout out to that housekeeper for getting the hell out of there I respect her for that
- making eye contact while falling down the stairs and breaking all your bones sounds very impressive and also hilarious someone please animate that
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- CELIA HELLO??? Is this conformation that she’s from the other dimension??
- haha jmj error
- also WHAT JMJ ERROR
- I like to imagine that a jmj error happens when Jon Martin and Jonah are arguing about which case to give them
- “no Jonah you can’t give her that one that’s way too similar to what she went through she’ll freak out” “exactly we can watch her fear” “no you elitist prick that’s so rude cut it out or I’ll kill you again”
- why is Celia saying she’s seen Colin?
- Teddy is being so suspicious why is he saying everything like he’s looking from side to side shiftily the whole time
- Lena you can’t call a child an it that’s rude
- unless she knows something that we don’t…
- can’t believe they started to open up to each other and it went horribly wrong
- I don’t think we’ve ever heard Sam like that before, like I couldn’t tell who it was for a second
- actually, i couldn’t confidently tell you that we’ve ever heard someone laugh that hard in the entire podcast
- can you really blame him though? “Monsters are working for our government organization and one of them is Barney.” Wild.
-I do hope he apologizes though cause that wasn’t really cool of him
- Also is that our first f-bomb of the season?
- GEORGIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
- I think that Georgie might also be from the other dimension. Why else would she be so concerned about the government stalking her? That does beg the question, where is Melanie?
Thank you for listening to me ramble I had a lot on my brain
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consumedbyfeels · 2 days
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We All Fall Down
Spoilers for 9-1-1 7'10
I am not okay. That was a ride, holy shit.
I'm over the moon that Bobby is okay, I worried for a minute he might actually die this time and I guess he technically did his heart stopped for 14 minutes he's giving Buck a run for his money with that one. But he's safe and okay so that's good.
Poor Chris, that kid has been through so much I really hope he can work through everything and be okay. As much as I hate it time with his grandparents might be good for him. probably be good for Eddie as well, it can give him some space to work through his stuff as well cuz we know that man didn't work through anything. Also Buck was just as heartbroken and I wanted to cry with him, that's his kid too.
Madney fostering Mara so she doesn't have to be in a group home and can have contact with her family. I nearly cried I'm so happy for them.
Buck admitting Bobby is his dad was such a wonderful thing. They both know it, now they just need to say it to each other, course .somehow I know at least Bobby knows that's how Buck feels, Buck might have a harder time accepting it but I think he knows as well even if it's deep down.
Buck and Tommy are thriving and I could not be happier, I;m so glad we were wrong and the date happened after they knew Bobby was okay so they could just enjoy it but I'm gonna need to see Tommy support Buck through some hard times as well because we know he would be the sweetest, knowing the 118 it is bound to happen again.
Fuck Gerrard the bastard. Poor hen and Chim get to re-live that hell and now Ravi, Eddie and Buck have to experience it as well. No of them would be part of Gerrard's boys club so you know it's gonna be hell for everyone except Gerrard the fucking asshole. And you know Chim gonna get it extra worst for his comment at the award ceremony. I guess it could strengthen the relationships cuz now they all know what it's like but still that is a sucky thing to bond over and there relationships are already solid and unbreakable so we don't need it anyway.
One thing that I'm gonna need though it Tommy to come pick Buck up from work or something and hear Gerrard saying some awful shit to Buck and Tommy to just go protective boyfriend mode and curse Gerrard out and tell him off, but like on Gerrard's last day before Bobby comes back so it doesn't come back on Buck and the others later.
I'm just in shock, this whole season was packed with so much but this episode especially, I am not going to survive this hiatus.
Also are we could ignore Buck asking Tommy if he thinks he has Daddy issues and Tommy saying he hopes so. Like Bro. Tommy and his one liners, I just love Tommy Kinard.
Speaking of the date Tommy asking Buck if he was okay when talking about Bobby. My man Knew how much Bobby meant to buck at least to an extent, for crying out loud they met flying into a hurricane to save him that tells you he is important to Buck. Knowing this he makes sure to check in and make sure Buck is doing okay with the situation. It's moment like this that make me love him even more, as a character but also for Buck.
I just know next season is gonna hurt but I'm ready for it, I think. I can definitely be okay if we keep getting cute Teven moments. I will be devastated if they break up though, that will be the heartbreak I will never recover from.
Anyway time to read fluff fics until we get season 8
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definitelynotnia · 3 months
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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anaalnathrakhs · 2 months
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btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.
#i know there are compromises out there#and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered#and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine#but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit.#i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough#i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them.#but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu''#it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps????#it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me#throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks#when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding#it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer#''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped.#the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone#the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me#and they've got their own shit to deal with#on that note#i was discussing stuff with my mom#and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents#and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????''#oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting#or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting#maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace#maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted#maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc#and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me#how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way#how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells#broadcasting my misery#vent
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girlcrushau · 2 months
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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dreamlogic · 8 months
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...
#chronic blogging#shit chat#well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have#upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been#told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively#haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site)#it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better#at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?'#they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op#sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes'#she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches#book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent#lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me'#drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches#said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek#no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is.#the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving#but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious#'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT#i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something#like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this#and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound#(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off)#but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry#and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function#are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor.#was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3.#i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it.#i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back.#i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.
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piplupod · 2 months
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also as the resident HaterTM, can I just say that people who make their whole thing about being a Hater are fucking annoying as hell and some of the worst people to spend time around. if you express any kind of genuine enjoyment of something, they have to make it into a joke and laugh at you and call you cringe even if they don't use the word cringe lmao "kill cringe culture!" but then "i'm a Hater and i Hate everything, if you have genuine fun with something then I'm going to make fun of you"
it's just so fucking exhausting to be around lmao, they seem to have to make Everything into some sardonic joke so they can keep feeling like the big chad alpha and like they're on top of everyone else. fuck off and grow up, you're boring and annoying and have a middle schooler mindset
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toomuchdickfort · 6 months
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Vent abt smth that gets on my Nerves
#tried bringing up to mom like. hey how could I bring up coming out to family. and she was like visibly uncomfortable so I was like dw I’m no#gonna like try to ruin Christmas with it or some shit I’m just. nervous u see. and I’m sat there anxiety rambling abt it because oh my god.#and she pulls out the fucking. ‘can’t you just be a person?’ mom I am a person already. the problem is. the PROBLEM IS. EVERYONE THINKS I AM#AND THUS TREATS ME AS A GIRL. like oh my god.#vent#it’s not a huge vent like if it comes up I’m not gonna Lie moms discomfort abt the matter be damned.#but like. ‘can’t you just be a person’ is what she says every fucking time it comes up. like mom. mother. mi madre. do you realize how much#of an insult that feels like when you say it EVERY TIME I bring up trans anxieties. or dysphoria. or any of the ways my transness affects my#life. like being trans doesn’t make me less of a person oh my god. but also frankly I don’t have the patience to be nice about getting into#things and I don’t have the heart to hurt her about it and even if I did have one of those I don’t have the patience to hold her hand#through all this shit. like I gave up having mom on this journey ages ago do you know how painful it is to un-give up on something that#immense. it’s hard and it hurts and it burns and it’s like. giving up to begin with didn’t hurt too bad- it’s cutting off the festering#wound. but. but then. you find out that. you can in fact work with that. and suddenly you have to try and clean the wound. care for it and#wrap it and do it all over again. and god it hurts. and. I’m not entirely sure I want to un-give up all the way on this? it’s. a lot#like I get and I appreciate that she’s trying to do. something. in theory at least. she avoids the subject when I bring it up and all but#cringed when I brought up coming out to her side of the family. she calls me my deadname and her daughter more than she did before she said#she would try. and I don’t have the energy to uncover that wound enough to start cleaning it. I’m just letting it sit there because frankly#it’ll be such a huge thing because it’s Always a huge thing when I don’t let the subject drop mega fast and I’m. I know she’s not gonna cut#me off for just being trans but GOD I want to keep ONE of my parents in my fucking life when I’m able to stand on my own two feet holy shit#and. man. it appears this is. still more of a thing than I thought it was. thats. annoying and inconvenient
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giantkillerjack · 1 year
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Gods I'm so glad I have the power to draw stupid ridiculous things. I've had two ideas in the last week for art pieces that made me cackle like a little gremlin for 30 minutes. And already, my decision to follow through on these ideas has been a great success!
It is very important to feed the silliness gremlin!!! Ze offers gifts of happiness and naturally occurring self-improvement! Should ze wither from lack of food, so shall artistic motivation and the joy I find in my craft!
So you see, it is absolutely vital that the gremlin be allowed to thrive and grow on a steady supply of shitposts and profoundly ridiculous pornography.
This will, in turn, help with my depression - making this fake isekai cover as well as this very dumb video game porn I just made into Medical Necessities, Actually. 😌😤🤡
#original#honestly I don't know if anyone else is going to find these things funny but I am going to share them when I finish#because it doesn't really matter if people have a different sense of humor than me. as long as I'm not hurting people with my jokes then#I'm really at peace with the fact that some of my jokes just aren't going to land#how did I come to peace with that fact? I hung out with people who didn't need me to bat 1000 when it came to social interactions#i love you fellow autistics. i hope you (and anyone reading this) give yourself permission to make something absurd and just for you#it was such a game changer when i realized that in order to be able to take joy in art again i basically had to follow every silly whim#i remember how exciting it was when after years of art only for profit and exposure i just made something just for me. it was incredible#and I know that if I ever want to finish my graphic novel with all its Big Important Meaningful Ideas then i have to make sure it's#not blocking me from feeding the silliness gremlin. I have to get distracted and draw dumb shit. and I have to do it without feeling guilty#because as soon as I feel guilty for doing something fun with my art then the graphic novel has become more of a chore than a work of love#and I refuse to let this be taken from me like that. not again. not with this.#art helps keep me alive and silliness helps keep my art alive! anything threatening my ability to make art poses a threat to my very self#I am deadass serious when I say that silly little things are necessary for living.#and i am very much serious at all when i say i am a GENIUS WHO HAS THE FUNNIEST ISEKAI IDEA EVER#I mean I was well and truly cackling I don't know if you've ever heard someone genuinely cackle in person but I CACKLED#*very much not serious at all
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hecksupremechips · 1 month
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The most validating thing about having a brother in law is sometimes I’ll make a comment about my parents being kinda horrible and he’ll just be like "DUDE FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT IVE BEEN THINKING THIS THE WHOLE TIME BUT DIDNT KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS IT"
#the klock keeps ticking#like i remember about 2 years ago when it really clicked with me that my parents were worse than i let myself believe#i had like covid and so to be safe i completely isolated myself in my room and only came out when no one was around#or with a mask on just to get food or use the bathroom that was it#and like when i had mostly recovered i stopped isolating and i looked around and noticed huh the house is kinda a hot mess#and i realized it was because i was the one who kept up with like basic cleaning and making sure things were in order#so like a little bit later i was in the car with my sister and brother in law and i was talking about this#and i was like ‘i think ive realized our parents are kinda unable to take care of themselves without me doing it for them’#and my BIL was like IM SO GLAD YOU FINALLY NOTICED THIS HAS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY FOR YEARS#which was just so validating i was like okay so im not just being an ass like this is an actual problem#and idk a more recent thing that maybe uh. made me a little bit emotional was we were basically at a cool place where you can climb shit#and he was just kinda there helping me when it seemed i was gonna lose balance to make sure i didnt get hurt#as well as my sister too and i was like oh god is this was like. basic affection feels like???#is this what it feels like to have someone care like actually kinda give a fuck about your safety and well being???#so yeah i maybe am still not okay with that and still dont know how to feel anymore 😭#so i guess even though hes stinky and i like to bully him I GUESS hes actually a pretty cool guy and he does make my sister happy and he#treats her with respect and hes very good with their cat so yeah maybe i actually really appreciate him and care more about him#than i do my parents and most people in my family#but i cant say that cuz then itll like. go straight to his head 🥺#and he still wont play pokepark 2 with me even though he PROMISED its been like 4 years since he said that and WE STILL HAVENT PLAYED IT 👺👺👺
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tokyoteddywolf · 1 month
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It sucks so much once you realize how entwined someone is in your life, then it just sucks more when you have to scrub away the traces it existed. That it was there, and it was good, until it wasn't anymore.
(Ignore my angry venting it's 3am I'm cranky and want chocolate.)
#vent#i feel like my hands are soaked in blood that soap cant clean#'blood is thicker than water' they say but that just makes it all the harder to scrub away once it goes bad#i loved you so much and i still do but now everything is just bitter and rotting and i hate it so much#and im just ranting to myself about how unfair it is that im doing so much better but i still miss what i had#that it wasnt your fault i didnt get help sooner- i believed so badly that i didnt deserve help.#that if i just waited long enough id rot away and be done with it all.#and i never got to say 'thank you for loving me when i couldnt love myself' at the worst time of my life.#you tried to help me. i can appreciate that#but i can be bitter that you still abandoned me. i have that right. i am going to be better and do better but you dont get to have that.#im still learning how to be a proper human. one that can learn to love herself and not distrust any form of affection.#but im going to do that on my own and when im better i hope you see it. i really hope you do.#you both still abandoned me though so fuck you both for that. im not gonna be nice about it anymore.#i didnt wanna hurt feelings even though mine were CONSTANTLY trampled over. so yeah. fuck you. that feels good to say.#fuck you for never apologizing. fuck you for abandoning me in a city i had no place else to go in. fuck you for giving me false hope.#fuck you for making promises you couldnt keep. fuck you for all the times i felt alone or excluded or just plain unwanted.#fuck you for constantly picking each other over me. fuck you for all the times i had to swallow how i felt because it was 'mean'.#fuck you for making your love conditional. fuck you for never even trying to understand how i felt. fuck you for taking years of my life.#and mostly just- fuck you for making me think i was worth it.#i felt like i had to do all the work in that friendship. starting convos and game days and INTERACTING.#the friends i have now dont do that shit. they COMMUNICATE WITH ME. Fuck you for that too by the way! not communicating!#rant over. fuck you. im gonna sleep now knowing you wont see this cuz ya BLOCKED ME.
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anaalnathrakhs · 2 months
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it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.
mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.
#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD.#EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY#OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH#i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion''#they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them#so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child#they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table#just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase#i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either?#i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them.#i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to.#but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset#quiet at home#and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places#and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway?#keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine?#try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened?#i dont know how to live like a normal person#literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X.#go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book.#because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped.#everything hurts holy shit#broadcasting my misery#vent#ed tw
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buckyalpine · 5 months
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40s Sergeant Barnes with a nurse and a Sergeant kink (and breeding and house wife kink, virginity loss). This was supposed to be a pure smutty drabble but then I got in my feelings and added some fluff and angst but I promise Bucky is still a dirty, nasty little fuck in this. Just with a sweeter ending. The one he deserves.
Listen just imagine what a cute, sexy menace Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes would be just waking up from an injury when his eyes flutter open to the pretty nurse he’s been eyeing from the day he started. You’re not a shy, dainty little thing, nope. Not at all.
You bark out orders like a drill Sergeant and one glare from you is all it takes to get everyone in line and on task without a second thought. Even his superiors are scared of you, biting their tongue when you stitch them up and send them on their way before running off to your next patient.
Bucky was in love.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes” he rasps, throwing you a charming smirk while you roll your eyes in response, shaking your head. "How'd I get so lucky, got a my little angel tendin' to me"
“I see your injury hasn’t stopped hurt that mouth of yours Sergeant" You quirk an eyebrow while he playfully huffs as you change the dressing covering a gash on his abdomen. You swab the area clean and he doesn't flinch even though you know it must burn like hell, his muscles tensed while he continues to watch you with heart eyes. "Now you know I'm not your little angel, I got 20 other men to fix up, you better be out of this bed as soon as you're all healed up"
“C’mon sugar, you're breakin' my heart" Bucky gives you a little pout with those perfect lips and you catch the twinkle in his eye as he looks over your form with complete admiration. He loved your sassy, take no shit attitude and it's taking everything in him to calm himself down so he doesn't get a hard on right there in front of you.
"You'd tell that to a cat with three legs if it was in a nurses outfit" You try your best to not give into his flirty comments and puppy eyes, knowing damn well he's a heart breaker but he makes it so difficult when he continues to woo you with his boyish charm.
He can't help but chase after you; catching the way your eyes always dart around with anxiety when his group returns from an operation, relief flooding them when you finally spot him. He loves your indifferent attitude, patting him down to make sure he's uninjured but your furrowed brows and the tiny pout on your lips give away that you're worried.
How can he just let you go. Every time you check over him, he needs you closer.
So much closer.
-
"Ms. y/l/n, Sergeant Barnes is requesting you in his tent, he says it's urgent"
You shake your head looking over at the time, quietly making your way over to the tent he's stationed at, thankful that a number of troops were sleeping so you wouldn't be seen as you quickly slip inside.
“And what hurts now” you sass with your hands on your hips seeing the soldier in perfect health, doing your best to assess him without letting him know.
"Always checkin' over me" Bucky chuckles, seeing what you're doing; his words making your cheeks heat up, "Knew you cared about me sugar"
"Well what am I doin' here" You give him an unconvincing huff, struggling to keep your voice steady, refusing to meet his eyes, keeping your gaze on his silver dog tags instead. It doesn't help that he's handsome as hell with a light dusting of scruff covering his cheeks. Bucky's never seen you flustered before and it evokes something in him, all the blood in his body rushing south seeing your fingers twitch.
All he wanted to do was kiss you but now-
“Help your Sergeant out doll” He whispers, taking another step forward till his chest brushes against yours, his hand coming to tilt your chin up, "Will you?"
You gasp feeling his hardness press against your thigh, your heart fluttering wildly as his thumb traces your lips, any semblance of control you had slipping away feeling the warmth of his skin.
“Y-yes Sergeant Barnes”
His lips press against yours, soft and sweet, a stark contrast to the way his body was screaming for him to pick you up and toss you onto his cot.
"Sweet like sugar" He lets his hands fall to your waist, pulling you flush against his body while your arms drape on top of his shoulders. You stand on your toes chasing more of his lips and he chuckles at the needy whine you let out when he pulls away for air.
Now let's say your first night together was actually quite tame. He kisses you again and you swoon when he repeatedly checks in with you before going any further. His hand slips under your skirt, letting his fingers toy with places no on else has touched. With each night, he needs you more and more until he can't hold off any longer and neither can you.
-
You sneak into his tent and this time he doesn't hesitate to undress you completely, not when he needs you bare with nothing separating you both. You feel your heart race as he lies on top of you, draping a thin sheet over himself when you shiver at the chill night air. You feel his body heat instantly warm you up, his heavy cock resting between your soaked folds.
"Are you sure, sugar?" He asks, his hand cupping your cheek and stroking your skin.
"Please Sergeant" You whisper and the way you say his title makes his cock twitch. There's something so different about you when you're in his bed, a sweet little bunny giving herself to him completely. It drives him feral with a need to make you feel good, make you cry for his cock and his cock only, to keep you nice and full of him.
You don't look twice at anyone else and here you are completely naked in his tent with your tight little virgin cunt, your legs spread open so he can put his dick in you; there was no way he was ever going to let you go.
"You tell me if it's too much, alright?" His lips tickle your neck as kisses your skin while rubbing his heavy cock through your folds, coating it in your slick, "Breathe for me"
He slips his tags into your mouth as he starts to press in, the initial sting making you bite down hard onto the metal feeling a mix of pleasure and pain. You whine at the way he stretches you open, your thighs squeezing around his waist, nails digging into his shoulders.
"Shhh, that's it love, doin' so good for me so good for your Sergeant, look how you're takin' all of me baby" He looks down to where you're both connected as he continues to slowly push himself in till hes fully sheathed inside you. He gives you time to adjust, slipping his tags out of your lips and letting his tongue lace with yours instead, his balls already throbbing with how tightly you were squeezing his cock.
"Please-Sergeant" your heels press into his ass desperate for him to move, gasping when he starts to slowly roll his hips, barely pulling out.
"I got you love-don't worry" Bucky moves as slowly as he could not wanting to hurt you, taking just as much care of you as you had with him countless of times.
But he can only keep up at that pace for so long. Your muffled whines and moans don't help the way his mind is already spiraling. His pretty little nurse all spread out just for him, taking his raw, bare cock in her soaking pussy, squeezing him so tight, he was only a few strokes from cumming.
If it were up to him he would've proposed on the spot, thinking about making love to you on your wedding night, seeing you all shy and sweet wrapped up in soft white lace. If you were his wife, he'd take you apart every which way, not giving a fuck about traditions, taking you right on the dining room table.
You'd be the prettiest little thing for him to come home to, such a good wife all dirty just for her husband. Only he'd know the way your mouth would slobber all over his cock like your life depended on it. The way you'd moan at the taste of his cum. Bucky's eyes rolled back at the thought of you with nothing but some heels and a string of pearls he'd put around your neck while he stuffed you with cum and emptied his balls in you.
"S-Sergeant-I-oh god" You whimpered feeling his cock grow harder, your pussy pulling him right back in, feeling the coil low in your belly pull tighter and tighter as he hit that spot.
Meanwhile Bucky's jaw clenched as he felt his balls pull tight to his body, the tip leaking steadily in your pussy. His mind spiraled into places he didn't think would exist before he met you, rogue thoughts he only entertained when he had his dick in his hand. The harder he fucked you the more he thought about how gorgeous you'd look with a swollen belly.
Fuck, imagine if he got you pregnant right then and there. That nurses uniform would no longer fit you. Everyone would know he knocked you up, your perfectly round tummy carrying Sergeant James Barnes' baby, breasts heavy with milk, God, he wasn't going to last-
“Gonna let your Sergeant pump you full of cum?” He pants, letting his hands grip onto your hips like his life depends on it, the wiry hair at the base of his cock rubbing against your clit.
“Yes!!” You sob, biting down onto his shoulder to keep your cries down while he continues to fuck you into oblivion. You don't understand how such filth can spew from that pink, pouty little mouth of his. "Please-please-need-youI-I'm gonna-"
"M'yours sweet girl, m'all yours, go on, cum for me love, cum on my cock, it's all yours" He gazed into your eyes, cooing at your parted lips and sweat slicked skin. It didn't take long for you to shatter around him his lips smashing against yours to swallow your moans.
"Want your cum Sergeant" You beg , desperate to have him claim you from the inside.
"Oh fuck baby, y-you can't say that, m-gonna, oh fuckkk" Your words throw Bucky right off the edge as he lets out a deep groan stilling his hips and shooting endless ropes of his spend into you. You both lay in comfortable silence, your fingers playing with his hair; his usual kempt brown locks now disheveled .
“Y’know m’gonna marry you” his scruffy cheek nuzzles into your neck as he continues to stay deep inside you as his cock softens, “after all this is over. Gonna put a ring on that finger”
His words send a different wave of emotions over you, feeling more safe than ever, clinging onto him as tightly as possible. You let a whimper slip out and he pulls away from your neck with an expression of concern.
“What is it love” Bucky coos, wiping away the tears that slip you, stroking your cheek while you bite back a sniffle.
“Do you mean it? After this is all over?” You weren't sure what Bucky would want-there was still a war going on. Anything could happen. Perhaps this was just to keep his bed warm. Something to keep him calm, you were just someone to-
"Of course sugar" Bucky presses a firm kiss to your forehead, silencing the thoughts that tried to run wild. "You're mine"
-
And of course he gets his happy ending. Because when it's all over, he gets the ring for the girl he loves. He's on one knee, proposing to you with the sweetest words. He treats you like a princess on your wedding night, making love all night long until the sun is up.
There isn't a surface in the house he's left untouched. Nothing makes him more feral than moaning for his pretty wife, constantly taking her hand and wrapping it around his cock, watching that diamond glint with each stroke.
It doesn't take long for you to feel a little squeamish, knowing all the tell tale signs.
The day you tell him he's going to be a dad is one of the happiest days of his life. There isn't a single night that goes by where he isn't nuzzling his face into your tummy, talking to your little one.
Everything was perfecttt.
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