#but i am OBSESSED with buck's face in this scene

[cinematicnomad]

9-1-1 ▸ 7.05 you don’t know me

[theladyyavilee]

you can have my back any day || because in the first moment Buck absolutely took Eddie leaving as a retraction of that statement and not being allowed to have Eddie’s back any more 😌

[Image Description in alt text]

[bloodyminyard]

a (long) comprehensive list of buck related things in 7x04 that have me losing it as i rewatch:

- the stupid starry eyed look he has while getting the tour from tommy

- the terrible “i need mo jo” joke that tommy laughs at purely bc it was endearing

- “you didn’t call me because you wanted to see the toys”

- “you need to raise your bar kid” my GOD the “kid”

- ofc, the “no way!! eddie was in the army!”

- god they are so FLIRTY “really?” “my fees are competitive” “let me buy you a beer no WAY buck is this clueless

- eddie being so excited about the fight, and specifically the idea of buck joining help

- “keeping my options fluid” SIR

- evan?!?!?!????

- the close up shot as the fly off my heart

- the look on bucks face when eddie talks about tommy, boy is devastated

- “i saved a baby in a pipe once!” yes you did were so proud

- not buck related: but i adore ravi so much

- OKAY BUT BUCKS STUTTER !! they way he trips over his words when he’s surprised or nervous or even upset 😭

- “i do. i really do.” MY GOD OH MY GOD FUCK ASHHH AHHH

- and the SIGH after as eddie walks away, the building up the courage to ask more

- THE SAY HIS FACE DROPS WHEN EDDIE ASKS HIM TO WATCH CHRIS OHHH EDMUNDO WHEN I CATCH YOU

- “i keep saying, chris it’s not a video game” “because it’s harder than a video game???” maddie i see you and am so sorry you have to deal with this

- SAME WITH “he’s made an impression in a very short time” “i can see that” LIKE SHE IS SO NOT GONNA BE SURPRISED WHEN BUCK COMES OUT TO HER 😭

- “i don’t think you lie to a child just to ingratiate yourself” bro it’s not that serious i promise

- sorry brb imagining buck asking chris all these questions about tommy and chris going 🤔🤔🤔

- buck being upset that eddie invited tommy to play basketball even though eddie always asks him and he says no bc he doesn’t like it… he’s so me i can’t

- “was there a heart around it?” there might as well been maddie!!!

- peacocking buck we love and hate to see (it’s so embarrassing i have to close my eyes. “maybe we should hoop” sir please stop)

- the pouting OLEASE he’s so

- his smile

- the “evan” throws me off every TIME but also it kindaaaaa

- “what are the odds?” bro chill

- the smile when tommy fists bumps him oh i see you gay boy even if you don’t yet

- “so i’m your basketball beard” brother you don’t even KNOW

- i’m sorry the song that’s playing while they play basketball is “playing with the boys”🤔🤔… the lyrics too “i don’t wanna be obsessed but my desire with the boys” (and YES i am aware it’s a top gun reference, however that movie is also gay is hell and so is this song, moving on)

- tommy cocking his head when buck runs into him like oh my

- poor chim does not deserve to be put in the middle of all of this

- “well you bucked that up didn’t you” :(

- okay this scene between maddie and buck afterwards is actually so important to me, i love their ability to communicate, and how buck openly admits that he doesn’t know if he meant to hurt eddie or not, and that he was angry and lashed out, and maddie’s reaction to it :( “that’s not how you get someone’s attention”

- “i guess i was trying to get his attention” buck is the representative of the “i don’t know why i do the things i do until tons of self reflection after the fact” club, same im the president actually

- i do love that we get to watch him try and figure out why he acts and feels the way he does in real time! even at the end he still doesn’t entirely know until tommy is in his face staring at his lips

- the stutter is back 🫶

- “evan…” STOP THE WAY HE SAYS IT THAT TIME MAKES ME GIGGLE I CANT

- this entire scene drives me crazy btw i can literally pick it apart piece by piece… but the way he smiles throughout it makes my heart go akrjeidjdjsjd

- the chemistry is fucking IMMACULATE btw!! the flirting is so natural and it shows through buck being oblivious about it!! like brother no one stands that close to each other

- buck figuring out how he feels AS he speaks!!! poor boy is trying to catch up as fast as he can

- everything about the “okay” after tommy says “i can teach you”… the smile, the eye squint, the head tilt, like oh my GOD

- the way the tone changes when buck says “good” my GOD, the way his face drops as he comes to the realization that maybe it was about tommy the whole time

- the “cause trying to get your attention has been kinda exhausting” punches me in the gut EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS LIKE FUCK OH MY GOD BUCK LIKES MEN FR? and the way he says it GOD, like i said, he’s literally figuring this out as the words come out of his mouth (“i guess so”)

- okay my ONE nitpick about the kiss scene is that tommy grabs his chin, and then when it cuts it’s the two fingers under the chin, it’s inconsistent and i think i like the chin grab better

- the absolute STUNNED look in bucks eyes after the kiss!!! as the perfect oliver stark put it: he’s found something he’s been missing for a long time

- tommy is so worried in the split second before buck tells him that it was okay

- the wordless nod after tommy asks if it was okay THIS MEANS SO MYCH TO ME

- you can FEEL the sense of relief and wholeness radiating off of buck

- “better than fake mouth static” AKSHSISHS

- his eyes following tommy’s lips as he laughs, and then the brief look down like his whole WORLD has just been turned upside down before tommy speaks again

- i am so fucking here for buck being asked out and being stunned by it

- the stutter again 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

- tommy’s smile as he leaves like tee hee ur kinda cute

- the entire of his expressions at the end. there’s panic, there’s confusion, there’s happiness OLIVER STARK THE MAN THAT YOU ARE !!!!

in conclusion: this is everything i wanted and more, the brain rot is everywhere, i cannot escape this episode

[daffi-990]

✨ Inspiration Saturday ✨

Soooo I mentioned last week that I’d found a title for Rival Firefighters 🚒 …

I even made a little banner for when I start posting (which won’t be for a while yet).

Title is from the song Haven’t Had Enough by Marianas Trench which I am currently obsessed with 😍 (seriously some days I just listen to it on repeat for ages, especially when I’m driving).

And here’s a little snippet from a scene that’s been fighting me for weeks but today I actually made progress with 😭. Thank you @thewolvesof1998 for reading over what I sent you and making sure it made sense and for your very helpful suggestions ❤️

He makes his way from car to car checking in on each one’s occupants, offering up first aid if needed. It’s repetitive work and Buck finds himself getting bored until his eyes spot a familiar name on the back of a turnout coat. Now things are going to get a lot more lively.

Buck makes his way over to where Diaz is finishing applying a Band-Aid to an elderly gentleman’s forehead.

“As I said before, you don’t have a concussion but if you start feeling dizzy or anything out of the ordinary, call your daughter okay?” The old man nods in agreement, Diaz patting him on the shoulder before collecting his things and getting to his feet.

“Firefighter Diaz, it’s been a while.” Buck says in greeting as the other firefighter turns around.

Diaz’s hair is sweaty and loose, a few strands falling forward over his forehead that have Buck’s fingers twitching with the want to touch. His face is coated in a mix of dust and maybe car oil? Buck doesn’t know exactly what the black stuff is but it is a look and Diaz is pulling it off.

Diaz clenches his jaw as his eyes harden. “Not long enough.” He mutters, walking past Buck.

“Oh come on!” Buck follows after him. “I bet you’ve missed me. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.”

Buck certainly missed Diaz and his big brown eyes and thick fucking thighs that are connected to such a glorious ass. He really wishes the man wasn’t wearing his turnouts. It’s a crime to keep an ass like that locked away.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder but I still find you incredibly annoying and wish you’d stay gone.” Diaz shoots back, looking 100% done with Buck and the conversation.

Buck also missed this, whatever this is. He gets such a high from flirting with and teasing Diaz. Maybe it’s the hard to get ideal that’s doing it for him, but whatever it is, Buck likes riling Diaz up and today is no different.

“You wound me!” Buck clutches at his heart in mock offense. He expects an eye roll or another bitchy response, but Diaz just keeps walking, doing a wonderful job at pretending Buck doesn’t exist. Which, rude.

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @fortheloveofbuddie @lover-of-mine @wikiangela @spotsandsocks @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @athenagranted @exhuastedpigeon @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @eddiebabygirldiaz @rainbow-nerdss @wildlife4life @the-likesofus @theotherbuckley @try-set-me-on-fire @steadfastsaturnsrings @jamespearce9-1-1 @devirnis @callmenewbie @disasterbuckdiaz @djdangerlove @giddyupbuck @hoodie-buck @honestlydarkprincess @housewifebuck @jesuisici33 @jeeyuns @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @captain-hen @weewootruck and as always, anyone else who would like to share something 🥰

[hollersparrow]

just some 9-1-1 headcanons/plot bunnies

so i've kinda gone on a 9-1-1 deep dive that started out casual and rapidly turned into an obsession. a few things to note, i definitely think that buck and eddie have something (whether it's romantic or queerplatonic is up for grabs but there's something beyond friendship there and no one can convince me otherwise) and i am a strong subscriber to any tropes that strongly encourage found family/families so...make of that what you will

anyway, after binging all of the available episodes, i have several headcanons that i want to put out there (for some reason a lot of them are from season 5???)

ana realizing that there's more to eddie and buck's relationship than it seems in that scene from s5e2 when she brings christopher to the station. buck clocks that eddie has started panicking immediately and ana just like. *looks* at him for a few seconds in a way that just makes me think that this woman clocked that they have a deeper than normal connection to one another. that or she's heard about buck but obviously has never seen eddie and buck interact and is suddenly realizing exactly what people keep trying to tell her about

a buck/eddie-focused exploration of the aftermath of 'brawl in cell block 9-1-1'. buck freaking out once mitchell's been carted off to get his heart taken out and refusing to let eddie go anywhere while checking him for injuries, eddie having some uncomfortable realizations about just how affected buck was by the whole experience. personally, i feel that would lead to them actually talking about the sniper and all the mess that goes with it

lots of potential for temporary angst with eddie having a lot of big feelings about having failed as a husband in his marriage to shannon and not wanting to get married again b/c of it (thinks he doesn't deserve another shot at it? thinks there's something fundamentally wrong with him to where he can't? don't know how this would manifest exactly). personally, i see this eventually leading to him and buck realizing that they're more or less functionally married and they may as well reap some tax benefits from it but you can do whatever you want with that

buck goes to the funerals of many of the people who die on calls that he's a part of. it's mostly people that he directly worked on and he doesn't tend to tell anyone that he's a first responder that was involved (b/c of how devon's sister reacted in s1) but he does go to them.

kinda of tied to the headcanon above this but! buck getting adopted by a bunch of older queer folk following the deaths of mitchell and thomas in s2. he goes to the joint funeral that was planned for the two of them, in part b/c he wants/needs to and in part bc he accidentally took a few photos from the scrapbook from the scene (he shoved them in his pocket on instinct when thomas collapses). anyway, he shows up and the older queer community has rallied to show up at the funeral and they recognize him as someone who needs more found family and just adopt him into their ranks. i could see the 118 finding out about this soon after it happens or not until years later; maybe karen and hen finding out sooner than everyone else but buck asks them to keep it quiet?

s5e14 where jee-yun gets sick? what if it actually WAS leukemia and she somehow ends up needing some sort of donation (plasma? bone marrow? idk really anything about how cancer is treated). jee's put on a list and they start testing family members, none of whom work out until...buck. cue maddie not wanting to ask that of buck b/c of all the baggage that comes with daniel and the buckley parents are absolute assholes about it (along the lines of completely disregarding buck's autonomy as a human being in the face of their precious granddaughter being in trouble), maybe a chimney that isn't trying to be pushy about it but also just...can't help pushing a bit, a buck that so overwhelmed with everything that he's feeling that he goes off the rails a bit. obviously everything works out and buck donates or whatever needs to happen and jee-yun is completely fine b/c i don't actually want it to end badly

the entire 'buck's a sperm donor' family argument and maraget saying "you're a miracle baby yourself" made my fucking blood boil and i want to see a better exploration of the fallout of that statement b/c you just know that there was more to it than it just getting brushed off

buck telling maddie that he has a checklist that he goes through every time he wakes up post-coma in s6e12. chris and eddie being part of that list, where buck is just constantly checking up on them to make sure that they're still in LA (part of the reason why it's so easy for him to fall asleep/relax on the diaz couch or in their house in general). eddie doesn't notice the uptick in check-ins b/c he's too busy figuring out the least intrusive ways for him to check in on buck at all times b/c he NEEDS to know that buck is alive/breathing. once eddie notices though, he confronts buck about it

maddie asking buck to be her maid of honor for her wedding since hen is obviously going to have best man privileges. mostly just exploring the ridiculous that this brings up and everyone joking about buck in a dress (up to you whether he actually wears one to the wedding or not), but i have to include a side note that the buckley parents are dicks about it and have no sense of humour/fun

literally anything featuring athena being worried about buck as a maternal figure, i was so disappointed by her lack of interaction when buck was struck by lightning and, while i'm so fucking happy to have may acknowledging that buck is bobby's son too, we missed out on athena being devastated by the situation as well

there will probably be more of these to come at some point knowing myself.

[maygrcnt]

probs unpopular opinion incoming but I was kinda disappointed in this episode. eddie’s arc was just strange in some ways. I get the catholic guilt thing I just don’t know if I like how they did it. eddie also just feels odd. and this may be the greater unpopular opinion, but I’m not a fan of where they took buck’s sexuality arc this episode. it was partly the pacing and partly the way it was written but idk, I was expecting a slightly different trajectory. for example, the scene with buck and maddie had good moments but I just thought it’d be more focusing on the coming out of it all? and I’m definitely not saying they needed to make it a big deal but yeah idk all the different parts just didn’t feel well connected for me

no agreed, i get that we’re on a new network and we can do the sexy stuff now but the character we choose to that with being eddie,,,, it just makes me insane. episode four they gave him a random ass car episode five we’re pretending like his relationship has had apparently WAY more development than it actually has. it just feels like they had to sacrifice someone’s storyline to make everything fit and it was clearly eddie. which is fine but don’t pretend like the storyline is there and only give us half of it???

i actually am obsessed with the buck maddie coming out scene tho it’s lowkey perfect to me perfectly level of silly and sincere for them. i can’t speak on the rest of the sexuality arc tho because i was watching from ten feet away facing away from my computer trying not to have an anxious meltdown

[beechersnope]

hello, i have been husked like an ear of corn by your stunningly hot MUD FUCKING MAXIEL FIC. 🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘 do you have any other maxiel thoughts to grace us with?

thank you 😇😇😇 with your reblog it has finally broken containment outside my circle of mutuals, so i really appreciate that!

as for further thoughts: i have multiple maxiel wips on my stovetop at the moment because i am incapable of focusing on just one thing at a time. (they're basically all girl max because it's my fave & i'm obsessed with it)

one of my favorites to think about at the moment is a desert street racing au where max is the sheriff's daughter & daniel is a trailer trash dirtbag she immediately becomes obsessed with after discovering the street racing scene.

as a thank you for this ask i am including a snippet of a scene from this au that i've been thinking about for a while where max rims daniel for the first time. hope you enjoy!

***

“You’re sure you want to?” Daniel asks her. He’s tense all over, can’t imagine this going as well for him as it did for her.

“You did it for me,” Max says, mirroring Daniel’s thoughts—but like a mirror: in reverse.

“That’s not exactly the same,” he points out. Max wasn’t like him. She wasn’t broken. She’d just needed a bit of a helping hand. Or tongue, as it were.

Max sits back on her heels and stares down at him with a frown. “We don’t have to try it if you’re uncomfortable,” she says bluntly.

Daniel winces. He isn’t about to tell her that he spent almost eighty bucks on a room at the only motel in town just so he could take advantage of the running water, but sure enough, he’s committed. “I’m open to the mysteries of the universe, baby,” he says, hoping to assuage her concerns, as valid as they may be.

“Yeah?” Max’s mouth curves into a smile despite her best efforts to suppress it. “Would you let me fuck you, too?”

Daniel shrugs, the pillow scrunching against his neck, reminding him of the strangeness of their positions—him, on his back, unclothed; Max, sitting between his legs, still in her Sunday best. The heat was making the sheets stick to Daniel’s skin. He could see damp spots under Max’s arms every time she moved, turning her cotton candy pink church dress see-through. Daniel wasn’t sure how much longer he could consider himself fresh even after his extraordinarily thorough shower at the motel, so maybe he should just suck it up and move things along.

“I wouldn’t rule it out entirely,” he promises her. “You wanna try now?” Daniel grabs one of the other pillows, shoving it under his hips the same way he’d done for her when he’d gone down on her the first time in his noble quest of giving Max her first orgasm. This won’t be his first, if she really manages to succeed, but it’ll be a feat, nonetheless.

“Try fucking you?” Max jokes. “Talk about zero to sixty.”

Daniel rolls his eyes. “Come on,” he urges. “Before I change my mind again.”

Max approaches this the same way she does with everything: singular focus, an almost unsettling intensity. Her hands are warm against Daniel’s thighs as she tries to find the right position. She ends up almost flat on her stomach, her elbows keeping her propped up as she breathes damp and hot against Daniel’s taint.

Suddenly, he’s terrified. What if he didn’t clean enough? What if she hates it? What if he hates it? What if this doesn’t work and it’s just as hollow and unfulfilling as everything else and Daniel can’t stop regretting what he did to himself—

“You need to relax,” Max says, throwing Daniel’s own words of advice back in his face. “Just—think about the road.”

Daniel tips his head back and stares at the faded cathouse road map taped to the ceiling of his trailer. He imagines driving the route from the Chicken Ranch to the grounded plane out front of the abandoned Angel’s Ladies, conjuring the smell of dust and creosote in his nostril as he twitches his feet in time with the shifting gears in his mind.

“Touch yourself,” Max suggests once his breathing levels out.

Daniel reaches down without looking and takes his cock in hand. It takes him a few minutes to get hard, but he tries not to think about it, detouring through Death Valley up to Dante’s View in his head as he slowly thumbs over the head, ignoring the sensation of Max’s breath against his skin. The hairpin turns as he winds up the mountain require all of his concentration, and he loses himself in the neutrality of his hand working his cock, no different than the feeling of a hand on the gearshift. It’s all mechanical, rote, the engine working, the tires spinning, the blood rushing to his dick just because he’s going through the motions.

Then Max licks roughly over his hole without uttering so much as a word of warning, and Daniel goes flying off the cliff.

[silentxxsoul]

I am thinking soooo many thoughts

 Drunk buds Hen and Buck are back ahhh!! Look at their cute little faces 🥰

((Buck saying clearly he wouldn’t have an issue while gesturing at himself pls help me I’m 💀))

I cannot believe the fandom nailed this one. Like full on nailed it and the dilemma.

Hen and Buck both drinking makes me wonder if when Buck came over for her perspective (bc of her and Karen’s past experience with the donor option), they also got to talk about her own dilemma of school v. paramedic. I’ve always loved the big sister/little brother thing they’ve had and I hope we get more of that tonight! Bucks always been so supportive of Hen and I hope we get to see her leaning on him for a bit, because that woman deserves a break for as hard as she’s been working herself for the last few seasons.

There’s just*so* many implications that can come from this story line. Hen nailing it with her line at the end because can he actually walk away? Buck who obsessed over Mitchel and Thomas, Red, the group from last episode, etc. etc.? The man who obsessively baby proofed Maddie and Chim’s apartment months before Jee was even born—to the point he locked their upper cabinets with baby locks? The same man who built a whole ass skateboard for Christopher after talking to Eddie one (1) time after the fall incident? That man isn’t really capable of being detached and with Hen’s line I don’t know how Buck goes through with it.

We don’t know if it’s a one time donation for one child or if they will attempt to have multiple embryos, meaning Buck may have to face the reality of fathering multiple children and being involved with none of them.

Buck wants a family of his own so badly that the idea of him having kids but not really having kids would eat away at him. The Buddie in me hopes that Buck goes to Eddie after Hen for his thoughts and perspective and we get a “you’re already a dad” moment. Because I will not survive that, even a little bit. I do think they will talk about it though, because there’s a zero percent chance Buck goes through something this massive without consulting his best friend.

Also, the possibility of Buck having to consider his family history with cancer before making a decision — like maybe he makes it to the paperwork portion and realizes in the screening what he could be passing on to a child, and has to reevaluate a few things in that moment. Or maybe he and Maddie talk (which, I really hope we see him talk to his sitter about this) and she brings up the potential health risk—something we saw her concerned about even after Jee was born and she had to take her to the hospital last season. What happens if he has to go back and break the news to his old friend and their partner that his family had a history of juvenile leukemia? That his brother passed from it and they (Buck or them or both) decide not to move forward? I think that could very well crush him, honestly — and not just for being a donor, but for having to consider future children and what he could pass along. It might jar him a little to consider that he really doesn’t know the full scope of his family medical history and if Daniel hadn’t come to light a few years ago he may have never known. Buck likes to fester, so I can see him ruminating on all the ‘what-ifs’ and that could further lead to the much speculated breakdown.

That small little scene had so much packed into it I just —

There’s so much more to unpack, mostly centered on how fucking phenomenal Hen really is. She always sees through the nonsense and can pick out exactly what is eating at a person—and here she knew exactly what Buck needed to hear. She’s such a rock for this show and I love, love, love her for it.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

oh my gosh the proposal fic from the list of wips you posted would be SO GOOD, i’m such a slut for friends to fiancés and also the post-lightning trauma is such a goldmine that i am starved for. if you had the time and wanted to post a sentence or a scene from that one i would be obsessed!!

also side note the trapped buck and chris fic you just did absolutely tore me to shreds you’re so very good at this

Proposal fic is actually the first fic I started writing for this fandom! I’ve thought about it so much I just need to uh keep writing it. Here’s a bit from awhile after Buck realizes he’s engaged but awhile before he realizes he returns Eddie’s affections.

"You talked about me to Frank?"

"I mean, yeah," Eddie says, looking kind of uncomfortable. "You're… yeah. I talked about you."

"Did you think about this before the lightning strike?"

"Think about what?" He turns his head to look up at the ceiling.

"About… me. About us."

Eddie's jaw works. "Yeah. I dunno. Yeah."

"I'm sorry," Buck says, putting his hand on Eddie's arm. Eddie turns to face him again, looking like he's ready to object to Buck's train of thought.

"Why?"

"It must have been lonely." Eddie's skin is warm beneath his palm. "I don't like when we're not on the same page."

They're laying close enough together that Buck feels his sharp exhale against his cheek. Eddie's expression is hard to parse, but there's some wonder and some pain and some amusement in there. He leans forward to press a quick kiss to the side of Buck's mouth. "You're very sweet."

Also thank you 💛💛💛

[spagheddiediaz]

For the Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask xx

😅 🥺 💖 🦅 🤲🏻

heheh i just answered 🥺 and 🦅 here!

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists? omg when i actually write smut for the first time it'll absolutely be that but there's this one line i wrote recently that makes me CRINGE and @forthewolves keeps sayin it's good but i HATE it. it's a few weeks post lightning strike and eddie is obsessing over buck's health and buck says: “Eddie, I am begging you to stop being a medic and just be a friend right now,” and yeah i cringe but we're workin through it

💖 What made you start writing? oh man this is a loaded question lol. i wrote glee fic when i was a teenager but basically @king-buckley talked me into doing the roommates au and here we are :) plus my relationship was falling aPART and i needed an outlet and these two silly firefighters were PERFECT and everything just fell into place ahhhhhh i love it sm

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip? YEAH here's a continuation of the above line that still makes me cRINGE!!!!! it's from when eddie falls in love :) hehe!!

“Okay,” Eddie says defeatedly as Buck pulls him towards the bedroom, their hands never leaving each other as Eddie walks closely behind him. 

Buck crawls into bed first, followed by Eddie. They lay on their sides facing each other in silence, Eddie’s eyes drifting shut only to open back up every few seconds. 

“I’m here. I’m okay,” Buck breaks the silence, having watched Eddie almost fall asleep and then wake right back up four too many times. “You can um - you can check.” Buck says softly, knowing that the simple touch brought Eddie a heap of comfort. Knowing that Eddie wasn’t going to fall asleep without the soft, simple touch.

Without saying a word, Eddie reaches out to touch the pulsepoint on Buck’s neck, leaving his pointer and middle fingers on his neck for a whole sixty seconds to count how many beats per minute his heart was pumping.

Eighty-nine. Not awful, but a bit too high for someone who was seemingly relaxed and laying in bed. An obvious look of panic must have crossed Eddie’s face, because Buck was suddenly inching closer, reaching out and slowly brushing a thumb across Eddie’s jawline. 

“Baby,” Buck breathes out so softly that Eddie could barely hear. “I’m here. I’m okay. I‘m not going anywhere. I promise.” 

[lover-of-mine]

okay so: opinions on buddie having a confession similar to the jolink one at the end of 19x20?????

(I know jolink have more of a romantic/sexual past than buddie do currently, but when I first watched that scene all I could think about was buddie, because of the fact that the kids were included as part of the speech but not the main focus, and the whole 'I'm so in love with you. How do you not see that?' bit and so many more reasons that have escaped my brain right now)

(Also full disclosure: I'm not a fan of jolink as a couple, and wish they'd stayed as friends, but I do love the buddie parallels/vibes they give me 😅😅)

((Sorry this was long!!! 💚💚))

(just to get it out of the way, I was fighting and kicking and screaming at them putting jolink together because they had such a great friendship and damnit media needs more friendships between men and women who are straight but not trying to get with each other)

I'm kinda obsessed with the idea of getting something like that now that you mentioned lol. I mean, there would have to be some adjustments, I feel like a lot of it works the way it does because they slept together and decided to say it was just casual, with the way they explicitly draw the line and said "no we are just friends" and I feel like that wouldn't work as long term as they played it with jolink when applied to buddie (not unless they want to make us suffer more for a few seasons but if buddie sleeps together then wakes up and go nah we should just be friends is never gonna happen again, I'll burn something down), but I am legit obsessed with the idea of Buck hiding behind Chris for a change and just snapping, listing things about loving Eddie and Eddie is just staring at him with his exasperated husband face and going "you idiot I love you too". If they kiss in the rain too I would spontaneously combust (with the lightning and the well and every bad thing that happened to Buck involving water and the way the moment they start getting along involves literal fire, the symbolism behind them getting something good in the rain would be everything to me really)

But since we're talking Jo, I rewatched the perfect storm the other day, that's why I ended up making the parallel between April and Buck, and I keep thinking about a situation like when jolex gets together. The whole they have a huge fight, Jo tells Alex to stay away from her, then she shows up hurt, Alex gets all protective, he's about to say it, but then the tree falls into Alex living room, and they ignore it until Jo says she doesn't deserve it, that she'll ruin it and Alex is all you asked yesterday you wanted to hear it I'm gonna say it but them he freezes, and she's all i don't hear anything, and they banter a little bit before Alex finally says he loves her and they kiss. I feel like if we get a proper build up with buddie where everyone is aware of where they are going and they keep fighting against it until something snaps but right before they actually do something the universe intervenes, and have them dance around the fact that they almost said it dealing with an emergency, all while the tension between them keeps getting higher, until they finally get a moment alone and they can talk and Buck is all we should just forget it, you're my best friend, I'll mess it up, depending on the nature of the emergency that stopped them you can even add a line of like "that was a sign, the universe was stopping us from making a mistake" that Eddie could counter with his level is skepticism "I don't believe the universe speaks to anyone and you wanted to hear me saying it so I'm saying it" and then freezing and having them banter back and forth until one of them says I love you and the other goes in for the kiss, could work. And it would be one hell of a scene.

So the conclusion here is that Jo has very buddiecoded love confession since Alex and Link get the best friend place before things evolve and either one of them makes for a killer getting together scenario for buddie.

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Here's to some more WIPpeting for the fic that doesn't exist...

AKA here's some more context for that arc that was already explored a bit in these Seven Sentence Sundays (1 and 2) and this WIP Wednesday. AKA I am still way too obsessed with this fic that's not a fic. And now that it's WIP Wednesday yet again, I said... why not torture y'all along with me?

*checks notes* 460k something words... Just kill me already.

Anyway, here's to more bones and shenanigans! Cheers!

The Worm in the Man II

“Okay, that’s where they found the victim. The woman said that she found him on her morning round with her dog Daisy. Poor thing must be scarred for life,” Eddie notes, looking back over his notes.

Buck is crouching near the tree squinting, or as he’d probably rather call it, absorbing the scene.

“The dog, you mean?” Buck asks, his lips curled into a pensive frown, all the while his eyes set on the ground. “Most animals don’t distinguish between kinds of meat. Because that’s what this man’s remains were to Daisy. So for her, it was really a snack. Though I do feel for her, in case she got tapeworms.”

“Right, anything else you can tell me from this… gunk?”

Buck walks around carefully. “The man died standing near that brush. He faced away from the pathway. He fell forward and slipped under, close to the root. The brushes must have covered him up, so no one noticed him… until Daisy started to nibble on him.”

Eddie scratches his chin. It doesn’t cease to amaze him what that guy can get from some bones, some tapeworms, and some tracks on the ground. Sure, their forensics team is good, but they are nowhere near up to par when it comes to Dr. Buckley.

Sadly, he’s also a little shit, which can sometimes pale the amazement.

“Okay, leaves you wondering what the guy’s been doing in the brush,” Eddie ponders.

“What I can tell you is that someone’s urinated here,” Buck lets him know. “I can still smell the ammonia all the way up here.”

Eddie wrinkles his nose. “Ew.”

“Which is something I wouldn’t have been able to tell you from just the pictures.”

“Now, if you riddled me how this is relevant information, too…,” Eddie teases.

Buck rolls his eyes at him, then focuses back on the ground. “Well, for one, it may also explain the sped-up decomposition. And then… I can’t say whether he was the one who took a leak or someone accidentally urinated on him. Both in combination are also possible. Judging by the smell and the tracks around, that bush seems to be popular for taking a piss.”

“So okay, guy may have been taking a leak. He’s faced the other way. If someone sneaked up on him and, say, hit him in the back of the head with something heavy, he would’ve fallen forward just as you said. Never would’ve seen it coming,” Eddie thinks aloud.

That sounds about right, doesn’t it?

“There is no trauma to the skull that suggests that he was hit, though,” Buck notes.

Apparently not so much.

“So what?” Eddie huffs. “You think he just died taking a piss?”

He still has to teach Buck the arts of bouncing ideas. He is just straight-up terrible at it. Or rather, Buck refuses to engage in such conversation or just seems so confused at the mere thought he just zones out completely.

One time, Eddie had Buck stare at him for two minutes straight – and yes, he counted – waiting for Eddie to say something else. Because he wasn’t going to continue that conversation, or just didn’t seem to know how to do it.

Because Buck hates assumptions, as Eddie understood by now, got told often enough by now. Way too often, in fact. But in Eddie’s line of work, this is how you get to the core of the problem. You get a feeling for the scene, you paint a picture. And sure, it may not be 100% accurate, but it’s giving you ideas. It gives you hints of where to go next. But for Buck, there doesn’t always seem to be a next. There just is the here and now. And in the here and now, he’s crouching near a brush, absorbing the scene and the smell of the piss.

“It could’ve been a fatal heart attack, too, or something to that effect.”

“Wait, are we theorizing?” Eddie grins at him.

Buck puffs at that, making his discontent known. “We’re certainly not. I’m simply telling you that statistically, both scenarios are just as likely, given the evidence we have. Though I can say that one thing with a certainty: Your theory of the man being hit disqualifies due to the lack of evidence of trauma to the skull.”

Eddie makes a face. “Make sure to never try out as a motivational speaker.”

“They are all frauds anyway. Motivational speakers appeal to very basic human needs. Essentially, they get you addicted to the high you get during those presentations, the group spirit and such. It’s really no different from tribes consuming drugs to witness some kind of trance in an effort to get closer to their gods. Just chemicals in the brain,” Buck hums, continuing his venture under that brush.

“Alright, good that we ruled that out as a future career choice for you,” Eddie snorts, then frowns. “But rewind for a second there for me. Why do you find a heart attack that likely? I thought the guy had changed his lifestyle for the better?”

“On the contrary, really. That man has been running rampage with his body in an effort to get it into the shape he wanted. The victim lost a lot of weight in a very short amount of time. Too much, even, for it to be healthy. We’ll only know once Hen took a look at the organs and the flesh, but it’s a valid hypothesis based on what we already have,” Buck lets him know.

“Awesome,” Eddie mutters, still mulling that over. “Anything else?”

“None that I can see…,” Buck says, then stops, tilts his head to the side and gets further under that bush. “Oh, okay, one more thing: The brush was apparently used for both taking a leak and… getting intimate.”

Eddie frowns. “What has you think that?”

Buck holds up a used condom with his forceps. “There’s a whole parade of those down there. All colors of the rainbow!”

Eddie shakes his head. “Don’t people have any class these days?”

“People are simply responding to their instincts, they do that these days and did it before – and they will in the future. It’s a natural urge for most humans.”

“But in a bush?”

Buck shrugs. “For some people, it heightens the thrill and thus sexual arousal. Of being caught in the act, that sort of thing.”

Eddie cocks an eyebrow at him. “Speaking from experience?”

He’d like to say that this might make Buck just the slightest bit uncomfortable, but no such chance. The guy just rolls his shoulders, puckers his lips, then looks back at the condom dangling inches from his face, like it’s a natural thing to do.

“Yeah, no, I don’t like the idea of having insects lay eggs in places I’d rather not have them venture around. If you expose your lower half, you may get yourself some visitors, even though you use protection on one end.”

Eddie screws his eyes shut. “Yuck.”

“Though sex outside can be quite stimulating,” Buck continues. “But there’s safer environments to do it.”

“So speaking from experience after all?” Eddie teases, chuckling softly.

“I have a very healthy libido, and I’m not opposed to trying out new things, thank you very much,” Buck lets him know, still inspecting whatever else he can find under that brush.

“Good to know. Okay… let’s focus on… virtually anything else,” Eddie mutters, looking at his phone. “Google tells me there is a gym not that far away from here. Maybe our victim took a stroll through the park on the way back from the gym?”

“Sounds reasonable. Good.”

“Thank you, I guess?” Eddie furrows his eyebrows.

“I’ll send a team from the Jeffersonian down here to secure the remaining evidence, including the little latex parade,” Buck ponders. “If the victim was having sex in the brushes, maybe one belongs to him. And if so, we might get DNA from the other side, to tell us whom he was seeing here.”

“I so hope that this is not the case.”

“You should, though,” Buck argues. “Because that means we may have a witness or even a suspect. That person may very well be the last person to see our victim alive.”

“Now, that’s what I call romantic.”

“Not all people need romance.”

“Why did I know you were going to say that?” Eddie huffs.

“Some people just want sex, a lot.”

“Yeah, thanks, I got that bit,” Eddie huffs, then places his palm on his forehead. “Okay, put the condom down, Buck. And stop wiggling it, for Christ’s sake!”

Buck grins at him wickedly. “Cherry.”

“I hate you.”

“I don’t like flavored ones myself. Always tastes artificial, like real bad, cheap gum.”

“Buck!”

“Fine, fine, to the gym.”

“Thank you.”

---------------------------

A few minutes later, Buck and Eddie find themselves standing in the entrance area of the nearby gym. Nothing out of the ordinary, the typical smell of sweat, strong deodorant, and fake leather, mingled with the clanking of the machines and the oofs and aahs and sighs of the people training. Though there is a lot of yelling going on, that much they have to realize upon entering. Last time Eddie heard such harsh orders, he was in training for the military.

Before Buck and Eddie get to ponder why the trainers continue to cuss their clients out, a blonde woman appears. She has a toothpaste smile plastered on her face, wears the brightest neon sportswear, and a ponytail tied so high up and tightly on the top of her head that it’s almost a miracle she can move a single muscle on her face.

“Hi, my name is Zoe. Welcome to X-Treme Fitness,” she greets them. “How may I help you?”

Eddie flashes his badge at the woman. “Agent Diaz, FBI. This is Dr. Evan Buckley from the Jeffersonian. We’re looking for what we believe is one of your customers.”

The woman stares at them. “Oh wow, the FBI. For real?”

“No, for shits and giggles, ma’am,” Buck mutters under his breath.

“What?”

“What?” he parrots, quickly turning around to look at the hallway full of pictures. “What are these?”

“Oh, that’s our hall of fame. Everyone who manages to meet their goal to optimize their body will get his or her image put up there,” she explains, the same way she has probably done it at least a thousand times by now. “It’s supposed to motivate our customers to keep going and run that extra mile.”

“So most of the people coming here seek to lose weight, judging by the before and after pictures on your wall?” Buck questions, still perfectly absorbed into the images hung upon the wall. Though Eddie will say he rather has him absorbed than irritate possible witnesses. They tend to be a little less talkative when they are met with a certain attitude before they as much as said their name.

Zoe nods her head, sending her ponytail bobbing up and down. “Yes. We want to create an environment that motivates people to get rid of all that nasty fat holding them down.”

“Fat is not nasty, it’s naturally in our bodies,” Buck argues, making a face. “For some people, it is an amount that’s not healthy anymore, but that doesn’t make them or their body fat nasty.”

“Do you know the customers, as you are so keen on helping them meet their goals?” Eddie interjects. While he agrees with Buck’s notion, this is not the time to discuss body images with someone who clearly lives by the gym’s gospel.

“Some of them, those who take courses, mostly. So you may wanna talk to our top trainer. Jay is the greatest. Half of the people on the wall owe it to him that their picture is up there. He’s sooooooo great.”

Eddie grimaces. “Yeah, I’d love to speak to Jay, thank you very much.”

“I heard he’s great,” Buck snorts, still studying the photos. Eddie can’t help but grin at that.

“I’ll check in with him. He’s currently teaching our extreme yoga class, so I wouldn’t want to interrupt them, while they are carrying out a routine,” Zoe tells them.

Both turn their heads to her. “Extreme yoga?”

“You can bust so much more body fat with weights attached to your limbs – and you get so much more done if you do the crane pose as many times as you can in five minutes. You can see it right over there.” She nods over to one of the rooms where a bunch of people are sweating and grinding their teeth as they balance on their palms, with their knees tucked, and the feet lifted off the floor. Well, more or less, depending on the person you’re watching.

Eddie tilts his head to the side. “Sure looks… relaxing.”

“Well, we believe that you can relax once you achieved your goals.”

“Aha.”

More like: You can sleep when you’re dead, huh?

“The extreme yoga classes are on high demand,” Zoe informs them. “The specialized version of the crane pose is working wonders on your arm muscles, let me tell you.”

“That’s actually an adapted crow pose,” Buck notes, wrinkling his nose.

She blinks at him. “I beg your pardon?”

“That’s not a bakasana pose, it’s a kakasana,” Buck explains. “The trainer shows it with bent arms, and bent arms are for the crow pose, not the crane.”

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s a crane, because that is what’s in the schedule,” Zoe insists. “We only cover the crow in the other program.”

“And I’m positive that this is a crow,” Buck argues.

Oh boy. Let’s hope we don’t have to intervene in a fight of the yogis soon. The Director will surely have something to say about that. Among other things…

“Fascinating as that discussion is, it’d be great if you could fetch Jay for us, Zoe,” Eddie interrupts. “It’s really important that we talk to him.”

“Sure thing. I’ll check in with him to see if he has time,” Zoe answers, nodding her head, though evidently, none of what he said just reached her.

“Zoe, he has to make time,” Eddie corrects her.

She smiles at him, bobbing her head. “As I said, I will ask if he’s available.”

Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but then bites down the comment. He smiles at her as she rushes off to get Jay the Great.

He then turns his attention back to Buck. “So you’re big on yoga, huh?”

“I’ve dated my fair share of yoga instructors. I can do without the esoteric vibes that some attach to it, but if carried out correctly, the exercises are proven to be good for your health,” Buck lets him know matter-of-factly. “Great way to ensure core stability and flexibility in the limbs. And for the record: This is definitely a crow.”

“Well, something tells me that this is the least problematic thing about this place,” Eddie sighs, looking around at the trainers screaming at their customers, some of whom look genuinely frightened.

“It’s certainly taking things to an extreme, literally. I mean, I like to work out, too, but I know my limits. They tell you how to go past your limits, which can’t be healthy in the long run,” Buck argues. He then focuses back on the hall of fame. “Most of those people were likely healthier before they started with the workout they preach here.”

Eddie frowns. “You think?”

“They’ve all lost weight too fast. That isn’t healthy at all,” Buck explains, pointing at a photo. “That woman over there? She may not look the part, but her features suggest that she has too little body fat. You need some of it, you know? Also, when the picture was taken, she was seriously dehydrated. Sadly, no uncommon practice for body builders or actors to show off muscles.”

“Yeah, that sounds fun,” Eddie huffs. “But hey, at least you get to join the hall of fame.”

“Sure, what an arbitrary honor to have bestowed upon you.” Buck points at the pictures, clearly frustrated. “This whole idea creates a very competitive, downright toxic environment. They also put down how long it took those people to lose weight. Look!”

“Well, if you asked any of those guys, they’d say they’re just optimizing.”

“Well, most of those people would’ve been at their optimum with a few more pounds, a healthy and balanced diet, medium workout, and some fun,” Buck continues. “Look at them. They were all completely worn out, driven, and totally jacked-up by the time those pictures were taken. I don’t call that optimal.”

“Jacked-up is what most of our clients are aiming for,” a man’s voice rings out. “Hi, I’m Jay. Zoe informed me you wanted to see me?”

Both turn around to face Jay the Great. And just going by size, the man sure is great. Eddie would put him in his mid-thirties. He towers above them by at least one and a half heads. There is so much spray tan on him that Eddie isn’t sure whether the guy is Caucasian or Latino. And there is something in his eyes that Eddie can only describe as off-putting. Though if he were to ask Buck, he’d surely remind him that this is no scientific observation. But it tells him that he does better staying a few steps back.

Just in case.

“Yes, it’s possible that one of your clients died about two weeks ago. We found a body in the nearby park. From what we can tell, that person lost considerably much weight in a short amount of time. Which is why we thought that maybe he frequented your gym,” Eddie explains.

“Oh God, no. That is terrible! Terrible! Absolutely terrible!” Jay shouts, clutching at his tight muscle shirt, nearly tearing it off in the process, as though it was made of thin paper.

“Do you have any regulars that haven’t checked in lately?” Eddie continues.

“I wouldn’t really know, at least not when they just come here to use the equipment. My focus is on the courses, giving people the extra training they need to achieve their goals,” Jay explains.

“And of those, all showed up?”

“As far as I can tell, yes. I mean, in the group sessions, it might be that someone didn’t check in, and that may have slipped my mind. But the private courses? All those people showed up right on schedule,” Jay explains. “I have very dedicated customers, you know?”

“I bet.”

“Eddie?”

The agent whips his head around. Somehow, Buck managed to sneak away from his side without his notice – which is not good – and back to the hall of fame. He keeps staring at one spot on the wall, almost mesmerized. Eddie makes a mental note that maybe he should get Buck a bell or so after all. For a guy who sometimes stumbles with the grace of a baby giraffe, he still knows how to move without making a single sound.

And I can’t have that.

“Hm?” Eddie blinks at him.

“I might have found our victim.”

He stares. “What?”

Buck gestures at one of the pictures in front of him. “Height matches. He used to weigh 160 kg and went down to 100 within five months, as it says here. Race and facial features match that of the skull, too. This is very likely our victim.”

“What? No, not Jimmy! Jimmy was our champion!” Jay shrieks, which has everyone take a step back.

“Champion?” Eddie asks, his fingers flexing on his gun. That guy’s getting a bit too emotional for his liking. Because something tells him that if this guy loses control, you don’t want to be anywhere near him.

“Every year, we host a contest to motivate our customers to lose weight. Whoever loses the most gets a prize,” Zoe explains, though she is clearly irritated by the man’s outburst as well, taking another measured step back.

“Jimmy did phenomenally! And now he’s dead!” Jay cries out, tears streaming down his face.

“What prize?” Eddie questions, his eyes still trained on Jay as he keeps bawling.

“Ten grand and a commercial with our in-house brand of food supplements. This year it’s our new and refined formula for protein powder,” Zoe informs him, chewing on her bottom lip with growing nervousness. Though the template is seemingly too deeply embedded into her head to not rattle out what she’s likely been instructed to tell anyone who asks about the contest.

“We already had it all set! Oh God! Jimmy, no!”

“We’d like to have any information you have on Jimmy,” Eddie continues, trying his best to keep his voice leveled.

“We had him booked for next week for a photoshoot! He was perfect! Oh God, oh no, not Jimmy! JIMMY NOOOOO!” Jay screams, staggering past them over to one of the rooms down the hall.

Buck and Eddie watch in shock as the guy tears down a damn door and scrambles inside, all the while screaming Jimmy’s name over and over again.

“What the actual fuck?” Eddie breathes, keeping one arm in front of Buck, though he thankfully has no intention to move towards the guy either.

“Steroids, most likely,” Buck notes, tilting his head to the side. “Enlarged breasts, baldness on the scalp, skin breaking out, increased rage and aggression…”

“JIMMY!!!”

“I have a feeling he’s not the one who killed him,” Eddie ponders.

“I have a feeling we should take a step back,” Buck adds with a grimace.

Eddie nods. “Maybe three.”

“JIMMY!”

“Or five,” Buck agrees.

[wandaluvstacos]

THE ONLY SECONDS THAT MATTER

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE IS UP!

Genre: Contemporary Romance Rating: 18+

Includes: Extensive horse nerdery + cowboys, mxm romance (1 trans + 1 cis), some discussion child abuse, some instances of trans/homophobia (it is rural Oklahoma, y'all), depression, occasional sex scene (but it’s a slow burn for sure)

Victor Ortiz-Bennett had some reservations about moving to Oklahoma, but his late aunt willed him a 70-acre horse farm, and he decides to fulfill his dream of running and operating his own training facility. Victor’s been around the reining horse show circuit for a while, and he’s ready to settle down, travel less, and spend more time with the horses he loves and away from the people he can do without. That is, until he picks up a horse at an auction with a bucking problem he can’t fix, and he has to take her to the one guy who can ride anything– Johnny Stearns, a retired professional rodeo rider.

Johnny Stearns is loud, chatty, eccentric, and fears nothing, exactly Victor’s opposite. However, Victor finds himself sinking into an odd friendship with this new foul-mouthed cowboy without a filter, diving deeper into the mess that is Johnny’s life until there’s no way to extract himself from it. Johnny may talk a tough game, but there’s more to him than he’ll let most people see. Victor knows getting in too deep will mean a rough ride, but if there’s anything Johnny’s taught him, it’s how to stay in the saddle.

Excerpt:

“Sarah,” he began with a puffed up chest. But then he deflated slightly as he slumped and fell silent. “Uh.”

“Yeah?” Sarah took a long toke of her cigarette and watched him with expectant eyes.

“I am bisexual,” Johnny forced out much louder than it probably needed to be.

Sarah had no reaction to the news beyond a slow smile. “Damn, took you long enough.”

“You already knew?”

“I’ve always wondered since high school. You remember that senior Logan you were obsessed about? You were always talkin’ about fuckin’ Logan like he was your boyfriend, and at most you hung out like five times.”

“Logan?” Johnny paused to think. “Oh right, that guy.”

“I think he’s in jail now for armed robbery.” She shrugged. “Smoked too much meth.”

“Seriously?”

“You didn’t know?”

“I haven’t thought about him in a long time.”

Sarah snickered and kicked the leg of the nearby lawn chair with a foot. “Sit your ass down. I got some questions.”

Johnny collapsed into a chair like a puppet with cut strings. Victor also sat, trying to keep a smile at bay. Johnny coming out shouldn’t have brought him such joy, but it felt good for it to be out in the world beyond what existed between the two of them.

“How long have you known you’re bi?” Sarah asked.

“Since puberty, I guess.”

“And you ain’t ever tell me?”

“My daddy called me a faggot like once a week, so no.”

Sarah’s smile faded and her faced looked pinched with disgust as she sucked on her cigarette again. “I aint’ happy about how he died, but I’m glad he’s dead, no offense.”

Johnny said nothing, only stared at the fire with that blank expression that he tended to wear whenever he talked about his father.

“So what about after you left from home? What then? You do anythin’ with anybody?”

[buckttommy]

2022 writing review

tagged by: @rosesau. honestly? i'm pretty sure other people have tagged me but i wanted to wait until the very last day of december to do this because i knew i still had one more fic (101 Ways) in me so! i am sorry if you tagged me in this towards the middle/beginning of december, i forgot but i still ly

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 14

2. Word count posted for the year: 90,600

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1

4. Pairings: buck/eddie

5. Story with the most: 

kudos: hear me now (1733) bookmarks: also hear me now (506) comment threads: aaaand here me now again (83)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): bite your tongue to watch it bleed was just a stream of conscious thought turned into fic. I put Eddie on Frank's couch but it was mostly therapy for me.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): CATWS au because it was the most disingenuous thing i have ever written lol

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I've returned to Charlie (@safeashousespdf)'s comments on the bullet in my gun several times and think about them often

SHUT UPPPPP SHUT UP OKAY THIS IS SO GOOD. The use of flashbacks, the way there are all these different bits and bobs and styles all gnarled together and how it reflects all the chaos of Eddie's thoughts and his conversation with Frank and then it all just-- Freezes. Like I physically felt time slow down. Idk how you did it but that whole long flashback about Alex and high school and all of that stuff, I could literally feel it taking place between seconds. And the DIALOGUE of Eddie and Frank just having a go at each other like this?? Oh what a serve. I love when it's busy at the therapy appointment and the closeted gay men get mean <3 ALSO** RAMON AS A LONG HAUL TRUCKER WORKS SO WELL AND IS SOMETHING I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED..... ALSO SIDE NOTE: "Careful with that body, boy. People will see everything you don't want them two." I'M SO FUCKING OBSESSED WITH THIS LINE. I love when author's address characters directly for a brief moment because it's like, who is speaking?? Is Eddie saying this to himself? Is his father? Is it someone else? Are we breaking the fourth wall by acknowledging Eddie as a character, trapped within a narrative that doesn't want him to be happy??? IS IT ALL OF THE ABOVE??? And the way you refer to his body as a secondary object: something he owns rather than something he is. Something that he can commodify, he can sell it to the military or to his father or manipulate it so that nobody can see who he really is. That also fucked me up. Anyway this was incredible, Jack.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Buddie Big Bang was one the worst writing experiences of my life. Will I probably do it again? Sure. But I hated it in the moment.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Writing smut in CATWS AU and Bittersweet and Cruel. I've never wanted to write smut, and still don't want to. Hated every second of it, never doing that again.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: Honestly? I have quite a few lines that had me shook, like, purely just cannot believe they came from my brain. But the first two bits that came to mind are

across our great divide:

El Paso has a way of drawing blood, all hometowns do. That's how your roots grow, after all, right through the soil upon which you bled and then back up under your skin, forever tying you to the land that birthed you.

speak in the silence:

[...] As if love is a currency, a bartered exchange between two distant parties. Hell, maybe in his family, that is all it will ever be. But that is not is not love. Love is a garden that leaves blossoms on your tongue and teeth, planting seeds every time you kiss the cheek of someone you adore and cradle. Love is soot under your nails and smoke in your skin, because love always leaves the ninety-nine to save the one. Love is the giggle of your son pressed against the cotton of your shirt, and a rosepetal birthmark above a strong brow set in a kind face, and a home-cooked meal spread out on a long wooden table. Love, Eddie knows now, is an action verb; it is not just an inkstain in Merriam-Webster's; it lives and breathes and weaves and anchors. It exists, even if it runs dry within the walls of his parents' home.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I finally became more settled into my identity as a writer; I know what I like. I know what I don't. I know what ways I still want to challenge myself, what things aren't for me. I took risks with enormous payoff and I took risks that I maybe shouldn't have, but I did them and that's what matters most at the end of it, since the past cannot be rewritten.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: Not sure! I guess I'll figure it out as the opportunities come along.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): @kitkatpancakestack @malinaa and @rosesau, you guys challenge and inspire my writing all the time so thank you <3

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: *gestures wildly at bite your tongue*

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: You will never, ever, ever write like anyone/everyone else. Even your favorite authors, so please stop trying. Embrace who you are as a writer and, if you don't know who that is, explore it. You are the only one who can/will ever write like you so don't hide behind trying to write like others; it won't work and it'll only make you miserable.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: Most of my projects are for IRL writing, but! My goals are to: finish the second draft of my {REDACTED NOVEL}, explore the bounds of an idea I have for a short story collection in the same universe, and publish a few fun fic things along the way :) :) :)

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels @extasiswings @sabitchhh @kitkatpancakestack @kirkaut @rewritetheending @raisesomehale @malinaa <333

[triviareads]

Another interesting month! I started July strong with my ongoing obsession with Minx by Sophie Lark and delved into some of Sophie's mafia books. I also did a reread of one of my favorite Harlequin Dare series by Lauren Hawkeye which is a modern retelling of Little Women Except They Fuck (Beth's book Playing Dirty, was my favorite). I got to read some new releases like Tracey Livesay's The Duchess Effect (a solid sequel; this book definitely doesn't fall into the trap of adding manufactured drama to drive a wedge between couple that's already together) and Sierra Simone and Julie Murphy's Snow Place Like LA (adorable). I figured out some of my limits when I attempted Anne Rice's The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty and Harley Laroux's Losers Part II. On the other hand, I realized I'm willing to read anything anything Sierra Simone writes as I venture into reading her Thornchapel series. Anyway, here are some standouts this month:

In Which Matilda Halifax Learns the Value of Restraint by Alexandra Vasti

If there is anything that gets you excited about an author's upcoming novel, it's a free novella with a heroine who secretly publishes erotic cartoons and uses the hero as inspiration, unbeknownst to him. Of course Ashford finds out and he's PISSED. So he storms to London to confront Matilda about exactly how she knew about his ass tat and kinky proclivities, and she (somehow) ends up as his sister's art teacher. It had gorgeous chemistry, great banter, and I'd strongly recommend it.

A Caribbean Heiress in Paris by Adriana Herrera

Reading An Island Princess Starts A Scandal last month and loving it is what convinced me to read this prior novel and surprise, I ended up adoring this book as well. I am in awe of Adriana for writing race the way she does in historical romances, as well as feminism in a way that doesn't feel shoehorned, but rather, it feels natural and period-accurate, while still being relatable to a modern audience. And of course, Luz Alana and Evan's chemistry is off the charts; he's a smooth man (and biiiig and hellbent upon reveeeeenge; really, what more do you want?) and she's spirited and determined to carry on her family's rum legacy while also being an innovator in the field. I said this regarding An Island Princess too, but I hope this book will one day be regarded as a classic and set the standard for diversity in historical romances.

A Lesson in Thorns by Sierra Simone

The sole Sierra Simone series I had not read because the deluded part of me was scared of the "gothic" vibes. Anyway I finally decided to buck up and give it a shot this month and I wasn't disappointed in the least. It's classic Sierra Simone (complete with references to her other works; and we know this is set in the same universe as the New Camelot series) which means there's kink, queerness, and a throuple complete with a dom trying his best, a tragic little sub (ok St. Sebastian is a sub and Embry Moore was a switch, but that being said, the pining vibes are STRONG in both of them), and a gal with a masochistic streak and some kinda prophecy attached to her. I enjoyed the witchier aspects in this one (pagan, if you will; my sister and I have a running joke where every time someone on TV or in a book refers to paganism derogatorily, we'll be like IT'S US, but lucky for the Thornchapel gang, they got their rituals okay-ed by a priest so...), and the final ritual sex scene (which ended up being more women-centric than I thought in the best way) and its aftermath (more sex yay).

The Perfect Scandal by Delilah Marvelle

CW: Discussions of self-harm and suicide

@jeanvanjer always comes through with older historical romance recs. Zosia is a Polish countess and amputee who is trying to get married in England ASAP for geopolitical Reasons. Lord Moreland is a politician and stickler for propriety who finds himself propositioned by Zosia through her bedroom window which faces his bedroom (we love a proper man cracking one window kiss at a time). From there, things pick up: there's a great carriage sex scene, they attempt to run away to America, she gets kidnapped by a Russian (a dastardly! blond! Russian! who deserves his own book if there was any justice in the world) and taken away to Russia. If you like your HR with a strong side of political drama and family mystery, I'd absolutely recommend this book.

The Dare by Harley Laroux

The author provides a list of content warnings and kinks in the beginning and I'd strongly recommend reading them

A twist on the popular bully/victim trope; Jessica is a couple years out of high school and attends a Halloween party in her hometown where she runs into the guy she used to bully in high school, Manson Reed (I know). After she loses a dare to him during beer pong, she agrees to be his slave for the rest of the night and from there, shit gets wild real fast, and by wild, I mean a lot of sex, a lot of degradation, and there are clown masks involved... among other things. I couldn't particularly get into the following books, Losers Part I and II, but this novella on its own was great.

[theangiediary]

1x02 rewatch let's goooo

- Jess's grave (in Sam's dream) has a crucifix and virgin Mary candle, indicating she or her family were catholic.

- "I should have told you the truth" Sammy...

- Dean has never offered to have Sam drive? Lmao. HC that Sam literally does not possess a valid license.

- "Dad will have answers he'll know what to do" vs Sam immediately questioning the coordinates.

- Dean looks so itty bitty next to Sam in the ranger station.

- he looks so amused/proud of Sam taking on the "shoot first ask questions later" attitude 😭

- people focus on Dean calling Hailey "sweetheart" as evidence that he/spn is sexist but like? the whole first introduction he's relating to her as a protective older sibling.

- "it's probably something corporeal" "corporeal? excuse me, professor" "shut up" brother dialogue my beloved <3

- "if it's corporeal we can kill it" the predecessor to "if it bleeds you can kill it".

- lmaoooo biker boots, jean, Impala on the dirt road I am obsessed with how the show does point out how ridiculous this is. Ik some people are like "they shouldn't have gotten away with being fbi agents looking like that" but like they really didn't! A lot of side characters were sceptical in s1.

- "what kind of furry critters do you hunt?" + Turning Roy's response of buck/bear to bambi/yogi... Dean has such an interesting way of speaking. It's somewhat infantalising and just full of media references.

- "probably the most honest I've been with a woman.. ever" we learn later that this isn't true, so like. When I say you can't take Dean at his word...

- again, the provisions comment. It's not misogyny, it's charming. There is a difference.

- Dean can track? but doesn't even bring water? I'm so confused by their training.

- Sam's bde ♥️🥰❤️

- Dean just watching Sam go at Roy right until he was going to reveal the supernatural. He is one of us (mean!sam girlie). Also very funny that the next scene is dean putting down symbols for protection.

- "You want to tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours?" Dean just really likes calling Sam a freak, huh? Lol. Also, the idea that Dean never talks about feelings... like he's trying. He doesn't talk about his, sure maybe, but if Sammy is distressed he does need to fix it.

- someone said recently that Sam has always been comfortable with "we can't save everyone" philosophy, and that is so true! Even here, he's willing to get Haley and others to safety, but that's it. He doesn't care about being nice about it, nor about saving Tommy.

- "Saving people hunting things" obviously iconic. But also, it's an interesting example of Dean extrapolating John's wishes on very little info, and Sam demanding answers/specifics ("why doesn't he just tell us what he wants?").

- Dean talking about "you can't be angry you have to be patient, help others because we ourselves are doomed, have fun with the killing" 🥴🫠

- rosary in the journal...

- observation: Sam takes the more emotional victims (traumatised survivor) and Dean takes the "tough" ones (breaking news about supernatural to family member, authority figures)

- okay, valid criticism of spn? absolute bastardisation of religions/cultures. A lot of supernatural or fantasy media does this, and I'm not sociologically adept enough to talk about it, but like. Acknowledging.

- the little brothers saving their big siblings 🥺

- we talk a lot of their faces during the flare gun moment, but I highly recommend relistening to it... Sam's smug "those will work" is 😳

- "you thinking what I'm thing?" "I think so" the way they know each other.... for hunting. as people? It takes a couple seasons. But aliases, strategy, etc they are in sync.

- "you want some white meat bitch?!" god I miss the naughties, you just can't say that shit anymore

- all three of them huddled behind Sam. He big.

- Sam standing behind the quiet youngest delivering the "grizzly" story to the cops after.. helping him lie...

- brainworms at "must you cheapen the moment?" bc yeah Dean's cocky and a flirt etc but the way he does it in a look, the way he's sitting during rather than crowding her, the little shocked face he makes when she does kiss his cheek 🥹 these are important details!! This is the difference between charm and grossness!

- much talk about the "I'm driving" look (as it should be) but are you aware it lasts a full 5 seconds........