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#but i am still crying over it yeah
solume · 7 months
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katierosefun · 3 months
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actually as much as i love mike and harvey together. i feel so sad for rachel zane because imagine falling in love with your coworker and then you learn that your coworker is a fake lawyer but not only that, your coworker is a fake lawyer who would literally do anything for his boss. he'll literally leave you at the altar to go to prison for his boss. he'll try to quit his job multiple times but keep coming back because his boss asked him to come back. he'll move to seattle with you, and you'll breathe a sigh of relief because it means that it can finally just be the two of you, but then you learn that he's inviting his stupid former boss to join them. and his stupid former boss agrees. you smile because your husband is so stupid happy at the idea of working with his former boss again, but you've seen this film one too many times before, and you are going to be subject to watching your husband choose his stupid former boss-slash-friend over you again and again and again and again and again and ag
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goldiipond · 3 months
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graduated 2 years late but who caares im FREEE i can do wjatever i want. i can do anything. i am going to draw my little characters
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girlrandomstuff · 2 years
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“Every time she entered a room where they were, they smiled. She felt as if she made them happy merely by existing” —Leia, Princess of Alderaan
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elegyofthemoon · 1 month
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well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost
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#avil plays hi3#tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This.#yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17#i. :(#the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :(#ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart#BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI#BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA#AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER#MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE#tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3.#kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but#now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because#'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS'#also idk i was thinking about it too#mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time#and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option#IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING)#sprawls on the ground#at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that#and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag#can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else)#idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people....#but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other#okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL#MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭#anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it#but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying
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boxwinebaddie · 3 months
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Hi Uncle Nina! What kind of movies do Ravenstan and Jerseykyle like to watch? ^^
OOOOOOOH! so as with everything, i Definitely think jersey is a snob. movies are no exception. also he does not call movies 'movies', he 100% is annoying and pretentious as fuck and uses 'film' or 'cinema'. also speaking of being pretentious, annoying and the word 'cinema', i think ravesey's dynamic is super funny for a lot of reasons but in this case, it's funny to me bc when style watches movies together, kyle says shit like 'y'know i like the plot progression of the film, but i'm not a big fan of the cinema topography."
— and stan trying to be big brain is like "ya! i also hate the cinnamontophography." <3 skdhsldsk bless him and kyle is abt to correct him bc ohhh my fucking god, but lowkey he tried his best and that was very cute, so kyle just kisses him on the cheek, squeezes his shoulder, stifles a laugh and is like "well, i guess you're the expert, cinnamon boy." <3 jersey stop being Sweet and Lovely!!!
anyways, jersey is giving me the energy of those kids in elementary school that adults say have an 'old soul' and likes really complex abstract movies, foreign films in black and white that play at some tiny theater for $5 on fridays, which, kyle is obviously a homebody and hates other people, but when he needs air or is feeling briefly zesty/willing to endure human beings enough to see a movie ( which, granted, it's def just him and the old ass man/annoying indie college student that run the place shooting the shit in there ), he will...make the trip out there and buy a pack of skittles and a sparkling ice ( okay, i had an anon say that kyle probably drinks those sparkling ice drinks and i fucking cried bc he DEFINETELY does and it's def the black cherry flavor bc kyle is cherry coded, however he will also accept the raspberry one or the fruit punch in a punch ) and ofc only eat the red skittles, smh.
i do think he still likes all the regular kyle scifi movies/high fantasy movies, stuff with dystopian societies/political uprisings ( him & stan have overlap there and obvi some high fantasy/scifi stuff but kyle has to explain a lot of it, kyle do be mansplaining shit but its okay because stan loves the sound of his voice <3 gay ) specifically things with deep complex lore, movies with puzzles/things that need to be solved, def watched interstellar a couple times and like, donnie darko bc of all the time lore ( that movie does freak him out btw, he was clenching hard the first time he watched it because he thought that the fucking rabbit dude was gonna kill everyone and it was gonna turn into a horror movie which...more on that subject l8r )
and i bet you he says his fav movie is some big brain movie in like swedish, black and white, is all philisophical and pretentious and deep but tbh...? i think jersey's favorite movies are specifically old romance movies like fkn casablanca, gone with the wind type stuff. yes, kyle being a secret romantic boy is very cute to me, i fucking love him so much, he is secretly v sentimental and warm.
if you've seen gossip girl, jersey is a blair waldorf variant
( which, okay sidebar for nina lore but i watched a fuck ton of gossip girl growing up and i had such a fat crush on serena van der woodsen, like not even blake lively, specifically serena van der woodsen like i have mental problems, i would not fumble her, fuck you so much, dan humphrey, serena please ONE CHANCE!!!!!! )
and i think he fucks very heavy with audrey hepburn and her movies, like roman holiday, sabrina, okay my fair lady is so jersey coded bc of his new jersey slaughterhouse accent/its a musical and he is a dork, he does like musicals so much buuuut i think his favorite movie is my favorite movie which is...breakfast at tiffany's. WHICH???
okay, if you think about it is super interesting given stan's previous line of work ( which okay, i know he wasn't really doing anything and just sort of enduring it to be able to sing, but being trapped in that uncomfortable, hypersexual environment and being constantly percieved & being constantly obsessed over. )
he do be skipping over the all the really insensitive shit w/ the overblown racist asian caricature of holly's neighbor ( that man is too loud anyways he's like please shut up, his ears are sensitive...both to sound and just in general, fml there's a nsfw headcannon abt that ) but idk all the romantic stuff is very cute, he likes the cinnamontophography, all of holly's stuff about getting over her fear of commitment, the fashion statements...chef's kiss to him.
i think he also fucks secretly with pride and prejudice like pep!kyle wHERE IS THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE THEMED MARRIAGE PROPOSAL STAN I'M WAITING!!!! kyle can quote it line for line, i think he likes when they're set in victorian periods like omg i bet you he watched bridgerton and was obsessed lmaooo, all the adpations of emma jane austen movies, atonement...stuff like that. he does make stan watch them with him sometimes and stan is so hopeless his adhd is so bad he needs ACTION also all the shakespeare-y speak stresses him out so bad, he asks so many questions and can't sit still.
he does...sigh, strategically time makeout sessions In The Middle Of Movies when he gets bored, kyle is like stanley marsh that is not going to work...it does...work everytime skdhshds speaking of that nsfw hc, kyle's neck and ears are hella sensitive so if you like drag ur teeth along his ear or start trailing kisses down his neck, his mind goes completely blank, stan does it when kyle's yelling at him about stuff all the time, kyle gets so mad at him later...and i do mean later because he is like i have to do something first ( hint: it's stan, lmao )
SPEAKING OF STAN!!!!! in vein of them being opposites attract kings, stan is naught an old soul ( i mean, in terms of music, he is sorta vintage ) and fucks very heavy with new movies. he really likes actiony stuff, lots of explosions and shit, very loud, very fast-paced. i feel like he likes superhero movies, like part of the stan name is because he was like eight and thought stan lee was a GENIUS. he watched into the spiderverse like...40 times. he has mental problems. stan likes cars, he does like the fast and furious movies, smh.
i think he...Specifically likes horror movies, though? because he is a spooky ooky edgy boy halloween KING? they just scratch an itch in his brain and he is engaged the entire time because there is either constant suspense or crazy amounts of action and running around. KYLE HATES IT, BTW!!!! kyle is a scaredy cat. like he is the scariest motherfucker on planet earth in person, but the silences and shit freak him out so much, he is not good with jump scares, he is behind his hands, in stan's lap, swearing soooo much like stanstanstan what the fuck I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT WAS THE INVISIBLE MAN, I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF, HOLY SHIT DID THAT JUST mOVE??? stan is deeply amused and thinks it is adorable, so he does subject kyle to stan spooky scary movie hour sometimes just to hold him...gaaaaay! idk which one is his favorite i have to get back to you on that. if you have suggestions like me know haha i am also...a scaredy cat.
a couple last things on stan and horror movies though is, i feel like that might be a contreversial take because stan doesn't like blood, but i think the scenarios being fake and because he works with so much fake blood doing whore-ror crimson dawn music videos, he just knows what it looks like and can tell hella quick. if he knows it's not real, it does not freak him out. i think he only thing he doesn't like is animals being killed...like people are fine??? help??? oh my god??? but not dogs or anything. he will cry and cower.
i also think that...weirdly...it combats his ptsd? specfifically final girl type movies where someone lives and kills the antagonist in a horror movie because it's very...relevant to him and reminds him that you can survive something horrible and be okay. and again, even when it's a total wipeout and not a happy ending, the catharsis of being scared and surprised is relaxing to him and knowing scary things can happen and be fake/everyday is not war or hell is good for him. he does avoid specifically triggering things with farms or fire? unless there is something where setting something on fire as a final girl/boy saves the town or everyone because...again...relevant and healing.
idk...complicated, but we get my gist, yeah?
i think they do a movie night once a week or something and they alternate choosing...they also complain bc their movie tastes are so different but love conquers all lmao, and they can always watch lotr and star wars and stuff. I THINK WHEN THEY'RE BEING CUTE THEY WATCH STUDIO GHIBLI MOVIES AND STUFF??? SO CUTE OMG. speaking of cartoons and anime adjacent things...stan do be making kyle watch stanime...kyle is in hell...jersey is like why are there so many boobs, why are they screaming, why are there 1000 episodes, he does also strategically plan makeout sessions ( i am so sorry it doesn't always work, stans boyfail cringe energy is so strong it's so awful, kyle is like literally on top of him and is like ;) if you turn the tv off, i can turn something else on and stan is like baby, you are blocking the epic battle scene, he's about to charge up his attack!!! KHDLSK I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN KYLE IS GONNA KILL HIM )
they do watch a lot of tv shows together, kyle's comfort television shows are still say yes to the dress and masterchef/gordon ramsey food network cooking competition type stuff — bc i'm watching next level chef, they are also watching next level chef and they scream so much like bRO HE'S GONNA MISS THE PLATFORM WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS HE DOING!!!! it's so funny
speaking of say yes to the dress tho and stuff like that when kyle comes in all busted up from his bar fight and stan's patching it up, towards the end of that interaction right before they get back together, kyle is like "did you watch the new one?" and stan's like "no. i couldn't watch it without you. & even if i could, i wouldn't bc i don't know, i just didn't want to think about people being in..."
and kyle just takes a deep, steep breath and is like...
"...love."
and stan nods.
fuck my life.
ANYWAYS! there you go!
-uncle nina, butcherer of headcannons
#this was so long i am so sorry i had a lot to say#i hope this makes sense and feels right it felt right to me ig?#it made sense to me? idk idk idk#but no kyle is definetely an old school dramatic romantic movie boy even if he doesnt look like it and will lie & say hes not#it makes his heart warm and his eyes shiny omg#stan initiating makeout sessions when he gets bored is so real oh my god kyle is so weak too hes like Stan Absolutely Not#buuut it works everytime literally every time im not even joking hes like siGGghhh *pause* the netflix 'are u still watching'#no they are not...no they are absolutely not#jersey is def the type to watch those dramatic british victorian romance movies swooning over hands tensing and veins and shit#he is so touchy feely on the low im crying#MEANWHILE STAN IS ROMANCE BOY BUT HE DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT HE IS MOVING#HE IS SO SLAM WHAM POW WHACK SMACK#people fighting and shit? beating up bad guys? car chases explosions aliens monsters ACTION#hes so with it his eyes also get shiny he gets so excited#kyle does not watch anything he just watches stan get excited abt stuff and stan vice versa im love them#STAN AND HORROR MOVIES IS REAL THO HIM USING IT TO FIGHT HIS PTSD IT MEANS A LOT TO ME IT FEELS RIGHT TO ME#like just overcoming fear and just being constantly engaged bc of the suspense and all the running and stuff but yeah horror movies#specifically when the protagonist lives or says most of their friends or their town and defeats the big evil...good for stan#jersey kyle being baby asf and in stans lap is also v cute to me#it is very cute to stan he is like mi amor its gonna be ok!!!#kyle is like im gonna kill myself its gonna jump out rn okay im ready im ready n HES STILL NOT READY FOR IT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK
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vulpinesaint · 1 year
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mkay not to be like. a little insane or anything. but god i've been going crazy over religion (catholicism) and blood lately. did anyone else drink blood as worship every week since they were seven. was anyone else inundated with images of open wounds as holy. is anyone else consumed by the thought of holding onto a crucifix tightly enough for the edges of it to draw blood. i turned in a poem about drowning in communion wine in an empty church while bleeding from crucifix-inflicted hand wounds and trying to talk to god and my creative writing professor gave me extremely normal critiques i feel like i'm losing my mind
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arsonist-chicken · 3 months
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btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.
in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.
#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor#idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something#with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice#anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week#like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me#and call the other thing#and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences#after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to#and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever#but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it#who won't just say oh it's just iron levels#there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me#if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem#please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this#i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of#stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in#my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now#also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ#now#huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore#mine#still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce#*move#goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense#i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living#and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive#and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer#but probably not even then#and after that i'll start working so like#at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a
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catastrxblues · 8 months
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hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters
#bridge to terabithia#how am i supposed to recover#i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess#i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean#i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now#i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts#and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t#because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me#and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing#so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah#my eyes feel so weird right now#also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case)#i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum#and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!!#and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!!#i like my ending better they really should change it#but no all and all the end was really beautiful#even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said#yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3#i’m not sure what this is#but glad i could get it off my chest#let’s see how to tag how to tag#movies#just#childhood#whatever <3#nadirants
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compacflt · 11 months
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i'm so curious: what's your favorite thing you've written? something that makes you nod and go, "yeah, that's it right there. i did that." just the best combination of words you've ever churned out in your personal opinion. it makes you proud just Thinking about it. could be a sentence, a paragraph, etc.
very cute ask anon, thank you. im going to assume for your benefit that you mean specifically my icemav writing—obviously I write outside of top gun and am very proud of that stuff but it wouldn’t make sense out of context.
There’s a lot of more recent stuff that I’m extremely extremely proud of on a technical level, but I’m prouder of this paragraph below on a deeper more existential level.
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This paragraph was one of the first parts of WWGATTAI i ever wrote—august 12, i think, well before I had fully realized the characters’ voices or their attitudes towards life/each other; I only had about 5k written of what is now a 300k+ project (at the time of writing this paragraph i wanted it to be 10k max) and had no real outline, didn’t know who or what I was dealing with, hadnt seen TGM in two months, had done no research (so it’s not at all politically/militarily accurate or anything, why the FUCK is ice going to fucking GUAM)—and STILL this wound up being my favorite paragraph in the entire fucking series. not to suck my own dick or anything. I’m STILL so proud of this paragraph, 9 months and 275k+ words later, even though i Absolutely Would Not write it this way now.
#narrative distance both incredibly close and incredibly far#he’s trying to rationalize this whole situation and by extent the whole plot of his life#we’re inside his head as he tries to convince both Pete and himself of this huge huge lie#which is that leaving (right after he fucked their relationship and their best friend just died) is worth it for the navy’s sake#and it will make him a good man#in the masculine strong man leadership sense#and Pete (first name instead of last name; über vulnerable in the worst way because he’s crying yet doesn’t want to be seen crying)#counters all of this lie with—does it? does it really mean you’re a good man? it means you’re the weakest most subservient man i know#bending over backwards for the navy instead of your FAMILY#yeah i would absolutely not write this paragraph this way NOW but i am still so proud of what it represents in the story#& the very experimental 2nd person without quotation marks is i think done very well#at least for august 2022 me#some wording/phrasing/detail issues but other than that—a great paragraph!#again not to suck my own dick but you asked!#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#edts notes#asks#this is a terrible chapter in aggregate but it has some of the best diamond-in-the-rough moments in the whole series#ughhh the Pete this has nothing to do with Afghanistan; pete this has nothing to do with iraq etc line…. SOO good omg i love it sorry
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thedreadvampy · 7 months
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I'm like. 99.5% ok about the breakup but boy that 0.5% sneaks up on ya
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goodlucksnez · 2 months
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personal/emotional vent/observation thing please understand how vulnerable i am right now and respect that
what is my life
i am sitting in a hospital recovering from one of the worse experiences of my life,so traumatic, still sick with infection and pain, AND the fucking Netflix adaptation/live action of avatar --THAT made me realize im broken and i need people...like what the fuck is this timeline....I'm crying like actively sobbing/wailing at the show because fuck i relate to zuko too much. --god i need therapy -but even that, i dont know that would help, im going to do it but fuck depression is SPIRLING
"the truth is we would do anything for the ones we love...we travel incredible distance,risk our life and even fight mosntors ....it is scary to admit you need people....so people might see that as a weakness/liability, after all what greater pain is there for loving someone you lose or worse finding out someone you love has left you behind.
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bluesidedown · 10 months
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:'(
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cinnamon-notes · 15 hours
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i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)
#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact#with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes#but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost#become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad.#i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their#hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed#and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month???#after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they#lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never#had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant#really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you#just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs#capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem.#and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them.#sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont#care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem#and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did#try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry”#and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found#yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!!#and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i#crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :)#cinnamon diary
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robinsnest2111 · 15 hours
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I need to stop saying "it's whatever/doesn't matter" whenever things go wrong at my expense and others try to apologise for having a part in things going wrong.
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hecksupremechips · 4 days
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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