#but i cant fall asleep because it hurts way too fucking much

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[sturniolo04]

The Confession 1 C.S.

Fwb!Mean!Chris x Fwb!Fem!Reader

A/N: I tried something different :)

*Really long you have been warned.

I dont even know how I ended up in this position. One minute my best friend Madi thinks she likes both Matt and Chris and the next she is 100% Matt. Me and Madi are super close I mean we practically grew up together and when we met the triplets in Boston everything changed, our circle grew just a little bit bigger. Lately, I haven't been the best friend to Madi just because I have been neglecting to confess to her about my secret crush on Chris and I am not the type to run over her if she knows she likes Chris because who am I to tell her she can't like him especially since I haven't told her that I did.

its about 1:50 in the morning and by this time Madi had walked all the way to a park and found a bench to sit and bawl her eyes out she couldnt figure out why she was feeling this bad whether it was that she couldnt articulate how she hurt Matt and Chris or if it is was because she cant choose between chris and matt she knows them both equally for a long time. sighing looking down at her phone finally deciding to call the one person she knew is always there. Holding in my tears as the dial tone rings hoping she wasnt asleep yet.

"Hello Madi"

jess speaks into the phone

"Jess"

she states through choked tears

"Madi what's going on love what happened" 

"i messed up really bad and i dont know what to do"

she exclaims letting her tears fall

"Madi"

"I like chris and matt and ive might have messed up our friendship"

"no madi you didnt okay i promise you didnt they are still your friends and they love you"

you quickly reply feeling that heavy feeling in your chest again as she still thinks she like chris.

"i dont know"

she replies through a fit of tears

"its okay promise try to get some sleep and you will feel so much better tomorrow i promise"

you reply reassuring her.

"okay goodnight"

she sniffles out

"goodnight i will see you when you get back home "

she hung up from jess and sighed out once more calming her nerves proceeding to walk back to the house. as she made her way into the driveway sitting back on the concrete driveway where the night officially started 

"MADI"

you exclaim softly seeing her sitting on the driveway

"hi"

she replies quietly as she turns around to look at you

"i was so worried are you okay"

you ask again.

"im sorry"

you sigh squatting down and hugging her then sitting down next to her

"i fucked things up didnt i"

she huffs out

"what no well i mean chris and matt are not speaking to each other currently but i mean whats new"

you sigh out since madi basically confessed to both of them on the same night and them both finding out in this driveway tonight.

" but it was my fault im the reason they are mad at each other"

"no no youre not okay they are just being them okay they will grow up"

you reassure her

"but i mean i told you had feelings for chris too"

you state smirking trying to shake the heavy feeling in her stomach at that sentence.

"jesss"

"you know i love you"

you say side hugging her

'well im going to bed you think youre going to be okay"

"yeah thanks j" 

"okay"

you say standing up and walking back into the house as madi rests her head on her arms positioned on top of her knees as someone comes and sits next to her quietly

"hi matt"

she speaks softly out noticing his presence

"hey"

"im sorry"

"why you were just being honest" 

he sighs out

"i do really like you" 

she confesses again

"no madi you and chris are perfect and honestly it makes he was at least able to communicate how he feels about you without being oblivious about it im not the one you need madi you are way out of my league and im okay with that honestly"

he sighs out rambling

"what the actual fuck matt stop youre  out of my league why do you just automatically assume your not good enough" 

she exclaims frustrated standing up and wrapping the blanket you had brought her getting upset

"madi no youre not out of league okay just stay"

he says pulling her hand down a little as she sighs and sits back down as matt pulls me into him connecting our lips guiding her on his lap in the process. He tangled his fingers through her messy hair as he continue to make out with her. Her hands wrapped around his neck tightly as he stood up carrying her back into the house. shepulled away quickly he closed the door behind them and set her back on her feet.

"Matt if-if"

she trails of whispering

"wait"

he stops her as he pulls his and her shoes off leaving them downstairs as he swiftly picks her up again by her thighs taking her upstairs to her room quietly being sure not wake up anyone especially Chris. Matt leans back in after setting her on her bad standing in between her legs attempting to connect their lips again but madi halted him in the process.

"matt..seriously come on"

she giggles out as he sighs out stares at her as she bites her lip slowly.

"yes madi you were saying"

he chuckles out

"matt if- if we do this"

she trails off motions towards them

"no one can know yet"

"okay"

he kind of chuckles at the concept

"im serious matt"

she exhales out looking at him as his face softens at her response

"at least until i figure out how to tell" 

"chris"

"yeah because"

"i know i know"

he sighs out moving himself from in between her to next to her laying on her bed. 

"jess' mom might be coming to boston"

"what that so cool"

"yeah she called her when i walked off tonight"

"oh" 

"yeah"

"well im going to go"

he states standing up

"where"

she states worried

"dont worry just in the other room with chris maybe so you can get some sleep"

he chuckles out giving madi a forehead kiss as he walks out of her room.

Madi wakes up the next morning mentally face palming herself considering well she basically made out with Matt after literally confessing to both brothers she has feelings for them. she rolled out of bed hoping everything will return to normal. she shower and put on this And head downstairs to be met with the face of the one and only

"good morning"

"whats up how are you feeling"

"better just like jess said"

"jess"

"i talked to her last night after everything"

"oh okay hey madi listen forget everything i said last night i was just being stupid it was nothing"

he states quickly realizing he also confessed that he liked you.

"chris i dont think it was nothing you dont have to lie about it"

"no im being for real"

"christopher"

"what im serious"

"okay then sound cool"

she states heading back upstairs

"where are you going"

"to wake up matt and everyone else"

Chris couldnt understand why he said that he literally let her get away again. His thoughts were soon interrupted the sound of jess's doorbell ringing. He went over and opened the door to reveal

"oh hi there i was- where is jess"

jess mom trails off

"she's upstairs um"

he trailed off kind of awkwardly since he had no idea that this jess's mom as what sounded like jess's laugh approaching the bottom of the stair case. I turned to see jess walking down with Nick and Madi being carried down the stairs by matt. the lady at the door cleared her throat as they all snapped out of their trance looking in that direction

"Mom"

she exclaims running over and hugging her

"mom"

Chris questions

"yeah.. mom this is chris, matt, nick and then you remember madi"

she trails off as chris waves his hand

"Hi you all"

she says with a raised eyebrow smiling

"jess; mom"

she exlcaims hugging her after jess

"hey madi"

"when did you get here" 

madi asks her

"last night when jess called"

Madi looks over at jess standing next to her as she shrugs her shoulders a little not wanting to talk about last night at all due to the fact she still felt the pit in her stomach of guilt of even allowing herself the like chris and not trust madi enough to even tell her that you liked him.

"so mom do you want to come on in then"

she states as madi and her both step aside to let her in

"how long are you going to be here for"

"just the weekend"

"maybe we can all go somewhere and just hang out for a little bit maybe grab dinner does that sound good guys"

she asks everyone

"im fine with that"

nick agrees nodding his head

"mom"

you question her

"sure plus i want to see all there is about Boston since this is my first time up here"

"well the triplets can definitely help point out those key spots since they've grown up here"

"literally"

chris chuckles out admiring jess' laugh slightly

"cool so do want me to ride with you"

"umm.. im going to ride with jess and her mom is that okay"

"uh yeah of course" 

madi and you grab your shoes and they all head out the door.

"soo"

she trails off looking the mirror at the two girls in the backseat of the car

"what's going on with you and Matt Madi"

"uhh"

" yeah i was going to ask about that i mean i knew you guys made up because i saw him come outside after i left you after you came back home"

"umm i dont know what you guys are talking about"

"are you sure because i remember clearly you being carried down the stairs by him this morning"

"in a skirt too at that madii"

you exclaim dragging out the 'i' in your best friend's name

"oh come on what is that suppose to mean just because we made up doesn't mean we are dating"

"so your telling me he hasnt tried to make a move on you after everything that happened yesterday evening"

she asks as madi kind of stares off into space getting flashbacks to last night of literally her and matt making out in her driveway

"oh my god he totally did didnt he"

"what no jess no" 

"madi"

jess's mom exclaims trying to get an answer out of her

"OKAY maybe we might have made out in the driveway at like 2 in the morning"

"MADISON"

you exclaim at your best friend with your jaw dropped

"what i mean its wasnt like terrible"

she shyly replies.

"that you made out with your bestfriend the best friend you liked for literally ever or that he was actually good at making out"

"OH MY GOODNESS"

madi exclaims embarrassed

" just asking"

"OH MY GOD NO"

"it was definitely the second option"

you giggle out

"shut up Jess"

she exclaims pushing some of her hair behind her ear opening her phone

"just make sure you do and know what your heart wants madi" 

"of course always"

Taglist

@dirtylittleheart333 @stayingstromboli @wh0resstuff @mintsturniolo @spicymuffins03 @emely9274

[mythicmanuscripts]

weird idea but aegon x vampire reader. reader feeeing of hil etc.

thx xoxo

So I went all the way to the bottom of my askbox and I discovered this absolute masterpiece of a question. I love this, 10/10. I'm tag this with 'Aegon x vampire!reader' so that we can discuss it more under the same tag and also so if you arent interested then just block that tag. I think I'm also going to make a larger tag of 'hotd supernatural!au' so that we can possibly discuss other stuff about this? (Sidenote: both aemond and rhaenyra/daemon would LOVE to be with a witch)

Anyway, NSFW sub!aegon with vampire reader below the cut

So firstly, you know how some people say they don't get the dear over vampires because if a hot person wanted to suck their blood and fuck them then they'd love it? Yeah that's aegon, absolutely zero reservations he realises he's caught the attention of a very attractive vampire and he drives in headfirst.

I think this makes the most sense if the supernatural were normal in this au, but I think vampires would still have a pretty bad rep? They're known for being lone wolfs who use people and can easily hurt others and generally dont tend to be seen very often.

You notice Aegon for the first time at a pub, and of course he's surrounded by people because he's the king. He looks around the room at one point and spots you in the shadows. He's not sure what makes him do it, but he decides to go over to you.

You know who he is of course, but you don't address him as 'your grace' and instead just chuckle and call him pretty boy. Which... from that moment he's hooked.

You end up in his bed at the red keep, and you don't even feed off him that night, instead it's just sex. Which... you may have just ruined Aegon for everyone else because he's pretty sure he saw god during his third orgasm. You completely wreck him, turning him into a whining, shivering mess who cant even speak properly.

You dont leave then of course, because he's far too sweet for that, and you stay to give him aftercare. You intend to leave once he's calmed down, but then he falls asleep in your arms and you can't bring yourself to risk waking him up by leaving. So you end up sleeping with him for the night.

He's awake when you wake up the next morning, but he's still in your arms.

Vampires are known to be very strong and very dangerous, and logically Aegon knows he should feel scared being this close and vulnerable with one, but it's actually the opposite. He knows how strong and dangerous you are and he feels so much safer for it? He knows you'll protect him, even though he's just met you he's certain of it.

Once you wake up, you quickly realise you have a slight problem. You hadnt intended to spend the night, and you should have fed at least a little last night (instead you just fucked the king, which, fair enough).

Aegon is worried when you push him out of your arms, and he's looking at you with these wide puppy eyes and batting at your arms, trying to get you to open them again. He's just very needy little thing.

You tell him that you loved the night before and he was perfect, but now you have to get going because you haven't fed in a while. You expect this to be a good enough reason, but it's not to him. When he hears that, he simply holds his arm out for you, wrist up.

You push it away and look away from him, not wanting to lose control but he's insistent. You rocked his world the night before, and he wants to help!! I knows you won't kill him, so he wants to help!

You give in, even though you know you shouldn't, and end up drinking from him. If there's one thing Aegon didnt expect, it's how good it felt? It feels insane, so so so good.

You don't drink much out of fear of hurting him, but you drink enough and the moment you pull away, aegon is moving forwards and back into your arms.

Needless to say, you return to the castle very often.

(Sidenote: what about the reverse of this with Aemond? He's the vampire and he pretty much just follows the reader around like a lost puppy. He won't feed from anyone else, he'd rather starve than feed from another)

[artdcnaldson]

need artashi to cuck me for being bad :(( hghghff sniffle sniffle its the worst punishment cause u like attention and they know it - which is why u get put in the cuck chair with a gag in your mouth so you cant whine abt and forced to watch mommy and daddy fuck eachother like you're not even there - itd be better if they acknowledged you, even to be mean about it - but its truly worse when they treat you like they dont notice you're there. telling eachother they love eachother, arts moaning into her mouth telling her how good her pussy feels - how its the best he's ever felt and tashi hugs him with her long legs - tell him to put a baby in her - you're so distressed at this point - truly at your limit, safeword running through your mind the urge to make the hand motion to let one of them know you're done - you cant take it anymore - it hurts, you get it you were bad you were bad and you were a brat - but you dont because - you want to be good - you dont want the easy way out you know if you suffer through it when they let you back between them it'll be so good. you just have to endure and watch for a little longer.

feel like they make love for hours while you're sat there 😔 muscles sore and aching from being in the same position. when they're finally to exhausted to continue tashi gets up - looks at you for the first time that afternoon and smile.

"oh." she says. "you poor thing."

your last test is being able to spend the night between them without tapping out - pussy throbbing and unattended - but at least the gag is pulled out and art pulls you into his chest and you're in the middle again. its the hardest thing you've ever done, so used to getting your way. not asking to be touched, for them to let you cum - but you manage it, somehow. fall asleep fitfully.

and it truly is a testament of how good you are and how much they appreciate you taking your punishment like a good girl when the first thing you wake up to is arts tongue between your legs - moaning awake and crying out because your pussy is still so sore and achey from being denied for so long - so sensitive and swollen with need - you want it so much you almost squirm away from it. put art holds you down by your hips - makes you take the long, slow, laps of his tongue. even when you whimper and shake and you're so close to coming but you cant - you have to know -

"am i - am i - am i good again? am i your good girl- "

and tashi comes into the room. silk robe and coffee in hand, which she sets down as she sits at the head of the bed. pulls your head into her lap. both their eyes are on you - an overwhelming contrast to how they hadn't even looked your way last night - and tashi strokes your cheek, lovingly - and you know she loves you. know she only punishes you like that when you really really need an attitude adjustment.

"of course you are, baby." she tells you. "always mommy and daddy's good little girl." she leans down to kiss your lips. leans back up and pins your wrists down as art kneels between your spread out thighs, stroking his hard flushed cock, ready to push it inside and bury himself deep inside you - "just be still and let us love you now, okay?"

more than okay.

GODDDDD </3 a tear ran down my leg 😞

It’s just so mean :( your body aches so bad because your muscles are so tense with just wanting so bad.

You should be between them— should me getting Tashi’s cunt wet and drooly before Art fucks into her. You should be sucking on and licking Art’s balls while Tashi rides him. You’d do whatever they wanted— however depraved or degrading. That’s why they were denying you :( they knew how much you’d prostrate yourself for their praise.

Tashi takes Art’s load in her pussy twice— it just feels greedy :( there’s enough for you— you’d take it too if they just let you. And Art… the way he claims Tashi for himself, the way they fuck like there’s no room for anything outside of their love for each other. It strangles your heart, makes it feel achey and sick and wrong.

And then making you lay between them, their bodies still sticky and warm, it’s too much to bear. You must lay there awake for an hour, maybe two, doing your best not to toss and turn and draw their attention until you finally fall asleep.

Hngngnngggg not being able to cum until they say you’re a good girl :(( you just want to make mommy and daddy happy :(((

Letting them use your body, their sweet girl who took her punishment so well 🫶 Art buried deep inside of you, Tashi kissing you so sweetly, giving you every ounce of attention she denied you the night before. She plays with your tits, rubs your clit with her slender fingers.

They’re so sweet, taking care of you after being so mean 🫶

[merakiui]

Omg i have some how combined everything u said in the trapped in a room post and here we go, ahem:

Trapped in a room and you cant leave until you fuck Leona Kingscholar, who swears he wouldn't touch you and you two probably are the last two people on earth, but feel free to follow him around while he tries to figure out how to get the hell out of here- just dont get in his way. Of course, the room is getting smaller and hotter and clothes need to come off and you swear Leona keeps staring over your way, all that tension building until he eventually gives in and makes up for all the lost time, not stopping even when his knot swells up and you go into heat 🥴

Basically enemies to lovers + stuck in a room + hate sex + fuck or die + marathon sex + impreg + dub-con + knotting + a/b/o

OOOOO OTL this is so good omg omg!!! And maybe there’s some size difference as well!! Maybe you’re a mouse beastfolk who is so much smaller and weaker compared to Leona, so you can’t push him off of you even if you wanted to, and since the room is getting smaller there’s no way to hide from him. Size aside, he has such a dominating personality, so when he tells you to relax and let him get this over with you immediately submit. He most definitely snarled the command in his impatience and annoyance, so of course you’re beyond intimidated. Those sharpened canines of his could tear through your throat. >_<

Omg and when he fucks you so good it forces you into estrus……… orz you’re a mess beneath him, tacky with sweat and cum and you’re crying because it’s both too much and not enough at the same time. It hurt having to take such a thick knot, but you’re far past the point of no return. It’ll be a miracle if this situation doesn’t leave you pregnant weeks later. Leona doesn’t slow down or stop, even when you whine that it’s too much and you can’t cum anymore. He’s much too prideful to stop now; it feels like a competition to see how much he can cum inside you. You’ve been filled up so many times that it’s leaking out of your pussy and you’ve lost count after the fourth load, and every time he pulls out strings of cum and slick are attached to his cock!!!

Even though both of you aren’t on friendly terms, you’re clinging to his broad shoulders, raking your nails across his back when he slams back in and hits that spot that has your back arching and your lips parting so lewdly. At this point, you might as well beg him to keep going; it feels so good and it’s so unbearably hot and you need to be mated or else you’ll never feel satisfaction again!

In the aftermath, I think Leona softens a little. <3 he snuggles with you until you fall asleep, but if you point this out he’ll grumble and detach himself from you, turning to lay the other way. :( and many months later you’ll be joining Leona to visit Farena and his wife so that they can meet you. You’re such a small, sweet thing…and so very pregnant, too! Leona’s gotten over his dislike for you and has grown rather attached. Just don’t tease him about it; he’ll always deny it, but the truth is he’s got a soft spot for his adorably meek mousey.

[i-know-you-know-we-know-lee-know]

Skz maknae line react to being called good boy

Sorry it took to long for me to get the second part out

Writers block is a bitch😭

Warnings: mildly suggestive fluff, cursing, mentions of food, i love felix, fuck commas (i suck at grammar plz forgive me)

Han

Confused

Absolutely baffled

Questioning life

Literally malfunctioning

Scene~

The two of you were lying in bed ready to fall asleep.

There was only one problem

You were extremely cold

Han, who was out in the hallway closet getting you blankets, was not cold

You would never understand how he could never be cold when you were literally becoming an iceblock

When Han came back from the closet holding three more blankets you held out your arms and he places them in your lap where you set to work making a nest out of them

"good boy"

You say randomly, still wrapping blankets around you

Han, who had been walking around the foot of your bed, tripped on one of the legs and almost fell flat on his face

You look up, startled, only to see Han's red face looking back at you

"baby~ you cant just say things like that out of the blue"

He whined, crawling over to your side of the bed and laying facedown next to you

You laughed, ruffling his hair and cuddling into your blanket cocoon

"if i knew you would react like this i would have said it to you a lot sooner"

You giggle as he burys his face in the sheets in embarrassment

Only when he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest did you realise he may have liked it a little more than you had realised

Uhm

That ones up for interpretation i guess

🥴

Felix

😭

Poor boy doesn't know how to react

You were making brownies with Felix, a tradition you had started when you first started dating.

Felix.exe has stopped working

Absolutely confused

You both knew the recipe by heart so there was no need to ask each other what to do

"Felix can you get me the sugar? It should be in the middle shelf on the left"

You call to your boyfriend, who opens the cabinet and pulls the container of sugar out and hands it to you.

"good boy"

You say, placing the sugar down on the counter

Felix looks down at you and you watch as his expressions change from surprise, confusion, embarrassment, and back to confused embarrassment in a matter of seconds

"i- what? What did you say? Don't say that-"

You break down laughing on the floor as your boyfriend splutters out excuses and his face turns progressively more red

He too, crouches down on the floor next to you and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head as to what this means

"i dont know how to feel"

He burst out, and you start laughing again because who knew felix would look so cute embarrassed?

AJSJSJSB

I love him so much it hurts sometimessjdkdjsj

HES SO CUTE 😭

Seungmin

Boy does not give a fuck

Will literally look you in the eyes and say nothing

Then walk away

Like?

You had been sick the past few days and had been lying in bed basically doing nothing

Seungmin, being the supportive bf he was, had been tending to your every need for the past few days

"minnie can you get me a glass of water, my throat feels really dry"

You croak out, watching as he springs up to get you a glass of water from the kitchen

He soon returns with your beloved glass of water in hand and gives it to you

"good boy"

You say without thinking, as you take a sip of water

Seungmin just looked at you, blinked a few times and then turned on his heel and walked out of your bedroom

"wait no come back-"

You cough-laughed as you realised what you had just said to him

"minnie please~"

You whine, watching with satisfaction as his face turns slightly pink when he turns to face you

You pout and he sighs, coming back into your bedroom reluctantly

"the way you said that made me feel wierd"

You laugh again, taking another sip of your water

"its crazy i mean you think your in love with me or something"

He frowns at you, taking your empty glass from you

"ill go fill this back up again"

He mutters, red face still visible to you

Okay maybe he cares a little

Just a little

Jeongin

Flustered little boi

So confused though

In his head he's like

???

WhY mE?

You and your boyfriend were out on a grocery shopping trip because you had been running low on a few things.

"can you go and fet some eggs while i look at the chips?"

You say, placing your basket on the ground a d examining the massive wall of chip bags in front of you

"yeah ill be right back"

Your boyfriend responds, heading down the aisle to look for eggs

You, in the meantime keep looking at the massive selection infront of you, eventually picking out two bags

Soon your boyfriend comes back with eggs in hand and places them in the basket at your feet

"good boy"

You say, turning to show one of the chip bags to him

"do you think we should get this one instead of the normal one or-"

You stop, staring at his flustered expression with confusion

"are you okay? Did i do something?"

You ask, laughing at him slightly as he shakes his head

"it was nothing..."

You chuckle at his response, picking up your basket and smiling to yourself

"maybe i should say good boy more if it means i get to see you like this"

"... "

⌯' ▾ '⌯

ARG SO CUTE PATOOTIE

I suck at dialogue lol

[melkyt]

Law's body is not great at regulating temperature, and most of the time, he is freezing. It could be a hot summer day where everyone is absolutely melting, but he has to wear a coat, or he starts shivering. For someone who was born and grew up in primarly winter islands, that side effect of the amber lead pisses him off.

Luffy runs hot, his power is that off the sun. He barely ever needs or wants to wear a coat. Drum Island was really the only time he really felt cold, and that was at the peak of a mountain after scaling it in nothing but shorts and shirt, and before he awakened Nika. That means his tolerance is way up there.

The two crews meet up as they do on some island to trade information on something (party as far as Luffy is concerned)

Law before they arrived on the island gets a fever from working for way too late, and for way too long, as he does when something catches his attention. Any kind of cold always wrecks him as his immune system is shot, and there is only so much he can do with his power when sick, only the basic keep body alive commands as his attention wanders. Which makes his knowledge and attention based power almost useless

His crew usually takes care of him as best they can. Law tends to be stubborn and prefers to be self-sufficient so as not to get anyone sick. He hates getting anyone to suffer because of him, even if for them his cold won't even slow them down. They tell Luffy and the crew that Law will be healthy enough to come out in a few days, probably before they leave.

Luffy is not cool with that. He came to see Traffy! And nobody is going to stop him. He insists on going. Sanji makes soup to take. They consider Law an honorary member of their family, so they are all concerned. Chopper makes some medicine that should help.

Law cant even lift his head out of bed to tell Luffy off for coming in. He is bundled in a makeshift nest and still shivering.

Luffy sets aside everything he brings and climbs into bed next to Law. "Wow, you're pale, Tarao."

"No fucking shit" Law snaps, groaning as just talking hurts but with Luffy this close, it feels warmer, his teeth have stopped chattering. "Get out of here, you'll get sick strawhat"

"Nah! I brought soup!" Luffy pulls away to go grab it.

Without thinking Law grabs his wrist, hiding his face as it gets even more red.

"See yah dont want me to go, shishishi." Luffy gets under the covers, wrapping his arms around Law. " You're gonna get all better, and then we're gonna party!"

Luffy would use his full Nika power when it gets towards nighttime, and the submarine gets colder and the heaters not doing much to compensate. Law feeling well enough in his arms to fall asleep, something he hasnt been able to do for days. He can never sleep when he is cold and sick.

With Luffy, it's just different. They spend the next day just cuddling, and Law gets well enough to use his power.

Does Luffy get sick? Yes, but he doesn't even notice until he sneezes and shivers!, of all the things. Law is there to repay the favor ofc ;3, talking about how now they are even! Luffy just chuckles, "Come on, Traffy, you're the one who is gonna get sick again if you worry so much"

Law ignores his own advice but makes sure to keep room active thanks to the nagging of his crew xd

[yourtouchismidas]

im begging for literally anything written about george. i love that man so much

ok so i've just been in a hot country with my bf so lets imagine this.

george is off from tour so you both get cheap plane tickets and fly out to an island, george wearing big sunglasses and a hat, just in case, but rarely recognised in the same way his lead singer is.

he sleeps on the plane while you read, holding your hand and absentmindedly mumbling your name in his sleep and every time he does you look over to him, expecting him to be calling for you, and instead your face breaks out into a smile and you think about how lucky you are, chuckle and go back to your book.

you land and the hot air hits you, and george's hands are already on your waist as you climb the stairs out of the airplane, needy for you and needing release, again, from missing you so much on tour. (he woke you up twice last night despite the day of travel ahead, to fuck you slowly and moan into your shoulder, before rolling away for a second and breathing out "fuck i missed your body so much. i missed what it does to me.")

so you rush through security and into a taxi to the villa he has booked out for you, him scrambling with the keys and dragging you through it while you're trying to look at the decor, searching for the bedroom, and when he cant find it in the maze of white tile stairs and brown locked door closets, he pushes you against one of the walls and fucks you there instead until you can only see stars and feel heat.

you're there for a week and you barely leave the villa, george picking somewhere completely in the middle of the countryside so he can have you to himself away from sight seeing and culture, just you and him and a blue pool and the sun and your skin, which he rubs suncream into everyday and then you lie out, both holding books, but never actually getting to them, just talking, talking and talking and talking, about everything that happened on tour and back home, everything that has happened to each of you ever, the same way you talked over coffee this morning, and talked yourself to sleep on the aircon cooled pillows the night before.

during siesta sex you suck his dick and watch him grab the clean white sheets of the bed in his fists, hard, to stop himself from going over the edge too quickly, trying to savour it, to savour you, but he can never do it, and afterwards he puts his hand under yours and lifts your face to his and says, "its because you're my weakness," and you go weak at the knees.

you giggle all the way down to the tiny village at the bottom of the hill, you in a dress and kissed brown from the sun and him in a soft tshirt sporting a pink nose. the waiter calls you beautiful and tells george to look after you. "you should marry her," he says, "before someone else does." he laughs at george's bleached hair, rubbing his own dark head and asking if he should do the same. you both laugh with him, and with each other, until your sides hurt.

you walk back up to the villa, hand in hand, stretching apart and then coming back together but never letting go. all the pent up tingling energy, the burning desire, the desperation, has gone now you've fucked each other over and over and over, and you wonder when it will come back, because you know it will, maybe in a few minutes, maybe an hour, maybe tomorrow but for now you are content to just pull up a deck chair, climb into his arms and both fall asleep as the sun sets, ignoring your flight home in a few days, ignoring george's return to tour, ignoring your return to the dull british weather. ignoring everything, even the sunset now as it draws to a close and your eyes fall shut, except the warmth of each others bodies. ignoring everything but each other.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

sliding into your asks once again to bring you this gifset and the thoughts i had as a result:

i'm thinking ransom drysdale x reader where the reader pegs the shit out of him. like, he’s just whining and whimpering and drooling. he cums so hard bc the strap is so big and he 'can’t take it' but he wants ‘more, please’ and ends up going limp in her arms bc of how good it feels. he might even pass out a little and later wakes up to her stroking his dick with her warm hands.

and he’s like ‘oh my god, i cant cum anymore, stop’ and she just sits on his dick with a smile and starts using his cock like a toy, saying ‘you’re not being a very good boy right now, hugh’ and shoves her fingers in his mouth. 'you can't tell me to stop. have you forgotten who's in charge here?'

she says ‘if you let me use your cock i’ll let you cum’ and ransom, thinking with his dick which is throbbing quite painfully inside her, shakes his head vehemently.

‘oh? so you don’t want to cum?” he says no bc at the time he's feeling really sensitive and so fucking naked and like he's a live wire - so she simply tells him, ‘okay.’ and takes her fingers out of his mouth so she can lean down to lick the drool from his parted lips and jaw.

‘but if you cum without my permission im locking your dick in a cage and you won’t be able to so much as get hard until i decide you can. is that clear, baby?”

ransom shakes his head again, ‘fuck- no! I want to cum, i don't think i can hold it, it was hurting but now it hurts good! Please, please don't put the cage on me, please keep fucking me it feels amazing-’ 

‘ah, ah- weren’t you the one who said you didn't want to come?’ and she keeps fucking him and her hips move in a way he’s utterly obsessed with and she cums on his dick without even looking at him, using him for his cock only, taking her pleasure and leaving ransom to sob and beg and whine and cry under her because it hurts so bad - ‘please, you’re so beautiful, please let me cum, please, i need it so bad, you cant- you cant, i’ve been so good!’ - but she ignores him, letting her orgasm wash through her and made more intense by the way ransom twitches desperately inside her as her pussy grows wet with cum.

The sounds are obscene but they’re done now, and the reader curls up on top of ransoms chest, feeling it heave underneath her and the way he tenses up as her pussy drags against his cock and tightens up. She’s got him on the edge and she doesn’t even know, too caught up in how good and sated she feels from her orgasm. ‘You were so good, baby’ she says, and kisses his mouth filthily whilst rolling her hips subconsciously, ‘such a good boy’ as her lips trail down his neck because he’s so pretty, down to his flushed chest and biting at his nipples. A flood of something warm spreads inside her and she realises, with a wicked gleam in her eye, that ransom just came.

‘did you just cum?’ she asks, and he blinks hard, grunting underneath her and nodding desperately. ‘i'm sorry, i'm sorry, please don’t put the cage on me - i didn’t mean to! I swear, you just- you were kissing me like that and moving your hips and it just felt so good, i couldn’t help it!’

she’s not one to go back on her word, though, and after a few minutes of shushing and letting her boy calm down, she’s getting up and cleaning them up with some wipes and a cloth, pulling on a big shirt and kneeling beside ransoms quivering body.

‘here we go…’ she puts on the cage and locks it, putting the key in its box and tossing it on the floor next to the bed. ‘Sleep well, baby’ she says, tucking ransom close to her chest and spooning him until they fall asleep.

-

if i had time i'd make this a full fledged fic but i do not :(, so i decided to share my thoughts with you and your blog instead so you can tell me what you think! 🫶

Uhhhhhh

No thoughts.

Congrats, you've scrambled my brain 😮‍💨😮‍💨🥴

I am imagining the fucking mess that Ransom would be vividly and you--

Just

You added ✨️women✨️ which means that these thoughts are too much. No processing. Only an italicized oh.

The pure filth that is Ransom crying and begging for her to stop because her cock is too big inside him, stretching him so much that it aches, yet... at the same time, Ransom absolutely doesn't want it to stop.

There's no way in hell he's going to use his safeword.

No, he wants more. He's rich, spoiled, and greedy. He needs this. He needs more. He's a fucking size queen. He will cry and squirm and moan until he's unraveling and need more. He will beg for mercy without meaning it. Well, he does want mercy, she might murder him like this, if she keeps going, but he wouldn't dream of stopping.

"Mor', mmm, ah, mmngh! M-more. Please! More!" I can hear his pathetic moaning from here.

The fact that he cums again from kissing and that little bit of praise is spot 👏🏻 fucking 👏🏻 on 👏🏻 . And you know she was kissing him. He's wrecked. There is not a single thought bouncing around in his melted brain. So, there's no way in hell he's putting himself together enough to kiss back.

No.

He's getting off on the way that her tight, unbearably wet pussy is clenching around him, claiming his cock for herself, and the way she's claiming his mouth. She's kissing him, bruisingly so. Grabbing his chin and keeping them mouth to mouth, even as Ransom pants and gasps and moans into her mouth. Even when she stops possessively taking his mouth and instead slowly draaaggs her hand down his flushed throat toward his hard, peaked nipples. He's fucking getting off on it. On her staking her claim. Him. Staking her claim on him.

Just a flick of his hard nipple, and Ransom is jolting with a choked, "a-ah!"

It's over for him the second her lush mouth is on his skin. Grazing his nipple with her teeth and chasing the sweet flare of pain with pure pleasure, her tongue hot and wet and good against his tits.

Oh, God.

How's he not supposed to cum? Especially when she, under her breath, almost to herself, murmurs, her voice all husky and sensual, "there's my good boy. Pretty boy. Look at you."

Ransom throbs.

He cries.

He cums.

JesusfuckingChrist.

It's so good he feels it in his teeth.

But, yeah, the moment it's over--she doesn't even have to ruin his orgasm--he's upset. He didn't mean to! He's just--

He didn't--

He didn't think! He couldn't think! He just, just had to! He's sorry! He's wailing a little, he knows he is, but he's upset. And he can't help himself. She can, though, she can calm him down and get him comfortable enough to accept that, yeah, he needs this. He needs his punishment. It centers him. It's what makes this work. Get the cage.

In conclusion:

Yes.

I fucking love this idea. Thank you for sharing! I will be coming back to this later and picturing Ransom being tamed by a domme again. Soon.

[ravenquingvax]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

[metamelonisle]

what are your words of wisdom

the backgrounds of kirby games are heavily underrated. egg engines is really scary. nintendo has a very strange obsession with eel enemies in their games and kirby is the least unnerving instance of this because barbars are sort of adorable aand land barbars are like giant salamanders that i love so much. if you're bad at a video game and cant seem to hold onto health for very long but are good at reaching checkpoints, just focus on racking up lots of lives and take no shame in eating a punch to refill your health. take any help where you need it. when you wake up always go to the bathroom because you won't be able to sleep on a full bladder. its better to fall asleep early and wake early than to fall asleep late and wake up late. being awake at night sucks. play more indie games and rom hacks. give affection to your friends and comfort when they need it and also respect their boundaries. dont ask me for wisdom when i'm slumbering over the keyboard. don't bite suspicious fruits. learn how to swim and learn how to drive and learn how to cook. kill people who make you unhappy or scared or angry and if you can't do that either leave them or ignore them. eat salmon. reblog my posts so i can hit 3 likes for once. it is infinitely better to be a hidden gem than to be famous because it brings endless stress and too many problems. listen tot he voice in your head that tells you destroying things is gonna leave a bitch of a mess or that hurting yourself is gonna take a long time to heal, that's hope. eat food that makes you happy but always be careful and prepared about it. always be true to yourself and don't hurt others unless they want to murder you and your loved ones wholesale over arbitrary things. chicken noode soup with white rice and potatoes fucks so good. if salt tastes good its probably because you need it. neil cicierega's mashups are goood. if someone mocks you for something you're sensitive about you should unequivocally give them a purple nurple without warning and i mean PURPLE. paramecia devil fruits are always way more interesting than zoans or logias. no matter how old you get cock jokes will always be hilarious if told right. wear clothes you enjoy and if people judge you than do horrific things to them in return. celebrities are people so don't treat them like they're fictional characters. get plenty of sleep. don't proofreead ANYTHING until the last word is typed.

memories are forever until they aren't. keep physical records of the things you love and keep them safe.

thank you.

i love you.

[cybercritterinyourcomputer]

hi tumblr need help with something completely unrelated to last time because it is currently driving me nuts, is 2 am, and i cannot sleep as usual

trying to sleep is so hard all the time BUT NOW TODAY THE STUPID LEG THING IS HAPPENING. i dont know how to explain it. it happens often at night or through the day but mostly at night and especially when im trying to sleep because of course it does add more problems to my already bad ability to sleep!! it feels like someone is trying to rip my leg off but from the inside. or like my leg is in a meat grinder but like. the inside of my leg. or like my leg is separating from the bone but not like it is actually

its incredibly uncomfortable and it kind of makes my leg twitch a lot and i try to make it not do that but the harder i try the more unbearable it gets and the more it twitches(like the more i try not to move my leg the more it "hurts" [i cant tell if it hurts or if its just incredibly uncomfortable. either way i kind of want to cry] and it drives me fucking NUTS)

its like insanely uncomfortable every time it happens which is way too much and the uncomfort is so much that its close to pain and im repeating myself a lot BUT IM GOING INSANE this happens so often and i already have a very hard time sleeping every day(take hours to fall asleep, wake up in the middle of the night, has been happening mkre the past week every single day)

i always assumed everyone experienced this often but people dont always know what my weird descriptions are when i say "it feels like my leg is getting metaphorically eaten by a shark"

does anyone know why my leg is doing this. is this a thing. why does this happen. its been happening for most of my life that i can remember and i want to take my leg off. i have to keep moving my leg or else it just keeps hurting more. help

[juzorei]

The Ep 12 literally broke me into tears. I saw posts saying that Sky was rude to Pai on the phone call. Let me clear this thing first. Sky had a trauma. He was abused by his ex and his friends. By 'several people' not just his ex but also his ex's friends too. Throughout the series you can see him having nightmares about that. He still havent recovered from it. He works and works to engage in something so he wont be thinking of it. He is even afraid to fall asleep because the nightmares. Guys its not a simple thing. Its fucking scary. I MEAN IT! You cant even fall asleep because it keep reminding of the worst things you had. Its terrifying.

And so Sky sealed himself from getting involved with people or Love. To avoid getting hurt. His heart is already wounded so much. He dont want to suffer more. But Pai coming into his life changed something in him. He still is insecure about being in love so that he tried to push Pai away, like so many times. But Pai knew and see through Sky that he needed someone by his side. Pai knew Sky was trying to push him because he was scared. And so Pai didnt give up on Sky instead he stayed with Sky even though Sky tried to push him away. Even though Sky liked Pai he didnt wanna get hurt anymore. He was guarding his heart. But Pai's care and affection hit Sky's heart and slowly he hoped to love once again. He tried to open his heart for Pai even though he was still scared of it.

And when he finally was almost sure about his feelings and gave himself to Pai , thats when he saw Pai with that guy. You can also see that girls talking about Pai too. And Pai being a playboy before made something uneasy in Sky's heart. But still he hoped for it not being true. But when he saw that guy and pai on sofa his heart crashed. I dont even know how would have Sky felt at that moment. It really broke my heart. He says 'again' because he felt that he was betrayed once again. And this is why he didnt wanna let anyone into his life. We know he was insecure about being in love again.

But I AM NOT BASHING PAI TOO! Beacuse we exactly know he was a playboy before. He had too many dates and hook ups. He cant just push away everyone like that. Pai is a good person, unless its necessary he wont stir things up. So he was being nice to everyone and was being clear about having a boyfriend and he dont wanna hook up anymore with anyone. He wanted to do that in the nice way.

And Sky then avoided Pai. When Pai called Sky, he said those thing to Pai. In here, think from Sky's perspective. He felt once again hopeless with everything. Things happened like he feared. At that moment most of us will do exactly like Sky did. We will try to push the other person because we dont wanna hurt anymore. It's like you dont wanna hear or listen to thing anymore. Fed up with everything happening to you. The pain Sky felt at that time... we cant even imagine. So him saying like that is an expected reaction. And both Pai and we know that he didn't meant any of those things he said. And Pai knew it clearly something had happened and was determined to figure it out and solve it no matter what. And he did!! OUR BOYS ARE IN LOVE PEOPLE!!😭❤

And now after confessing Sky is slowly being confident in loving Pai. Now they know how much they treasure each other. How much they mean to each other. And now he knows whatever happened his P'Pai will be there for him. 😭🥺🥲❤

So please understand from both of their sides🥺❤

And also good luck to us for the Ep 13. Next week we are all going down. 🙂💔

[ratgingi]

since ur posting about them a lot can we get some fuckin uhhhhhhhh old men from the library facts

i meant to answer this earlier but passed the fuck out . thank u for waiting so patiently old men facts under cut

roe and murr are obviously intented to sort of mirror each other in a number of ways, one of these ways is the fact that roe tends to act a lot older than he is whereas murr tends to act a lot younger. roe behaves like hes some crank ass retired war veteran in his 80s while murr acts more like someone in their 20s would

another way they mirror each other is the fact that murr tends to wear his heart on his sleeve while roe is very caged up about his emotions. they both believe life is short, but while roe focuses on despairing over what he considers 'wasting' it, murr tries to spend most of it doing things he believes to be worth while, which unfortunately for him happens to be throwing his heart around pretty recklessly, something roe used to do before he concluded that it was stupid to do so

roe loves classical music and often has to play piano music to help him sleep at night or he'll struggle with falling asleep. the only time he doesnt need it is when hes dead tired and passes out 2 seconds after laying down

murr sleeps with a lot of pillows, which obviously includes bodypillows. he likes ones with soft/fluffy textures because who doesnt but as long as he can pretend hes holding another person he'll take anything

the only thing roe openly displays a soft fondness for is his trinket collection. every item in his collection means a great deal to him and he has two days of the week dedicated entirely to cleaning the collection/making sure nothing in it is damaged (and if they already were, he insures the damage hasnt gotten any worse). however, he rarely actually fixes damaged objects within the collection if they came to him that way, because unless the damage was severe enough that it might fall apart completely or was obviously done to ruin the thing, he believes in that thing that to be changed is to be loved

murr is technically a smoker, he will not actively seek out cigs or smoke them on a regular basis but if people are smoking around him and offer him one he'll take it on the spot. he and charlie smoke together often though

one of the ways youd probably help murr cope with his whole . Issue. is by helping him get like a pet of some kind. something he can give love to and bond with without the fear/risk of hurting himself or others by it. he probably ends up getting a cat or something

surprisingly, roe likes children and murr doesnt. roe believes theyre some of the only people on this planet who physically cant waste their time, as kids tend to just be figuring out the world around them and living life as much as possible, and if they arent then its usually the fault of some adult in their life, and while he is easy to annoy he has a lot more patience for kids. murr thinks hes too much of a bad influence on children and knows he probably shouldnt be around them because of it, and also he just generally doesnt know how to handle them really

murr has a little bit of a gambling problem because of course he does. its something his brother would poke at him about during the scene where you meet him

roes favorite kinds of birds are song birds, specifically sparrows and starlings. hed probably be a fan of bird watching if he wasnt worried there would be more productive things he could be doing

[gopro6363727277272]

There’s something about noncon cuddling that...that’s just great, y'know. I can’t explain it but it’s interesting. Like, there are so many ways it could go, and I’m going to list out a few.

1) yandere has darling in his arms and the poor thing is too frightened to struggle and is just🧍 they’re too afraid to even move or breathe heavily because they don’t wanna upset the yandere— yandere is volatile and can quickly go from being cuddle bug to an abusive asshole in a matter of seconds, and they really, really do not want to get hurt.

1.5) darling is shivering in their arms and yandere, thinking they’re just cold, keeps bringing them closer and closer, “don’t worry ill warm you up.”

2) darling who struggles but yandere is just too strong.Eeven if they bite, hit, or attack him, they can’t do anything about it. Yandere easily overpowers them with their big arms and hell, actually enjoys it when they’re struggling and especially when they are filled with a sense of defeat and dread that they. just. cant. do anything. they’re weak, helpless. And when they finally drop limp in their arms from exhaustion, it just fills their chest with this smug type of joy— it’s quite an addictive feeling, the power trip they get. It doesn’t really bode well for darling.. 2.5) darling acting like one of those feral cats that even if they’re helpless forced up in yandere’s arms, will continue to bite and scratch them just to be a pain in the ass. 2.5.5) darling struggles so much and yandere just gets fed up, they topple them over on the couch until they’re straddling them, and pins their arms above their head. Where it could go from that depends on how the yandere is feeling. it could either be a threat (this position emphasises how helpless darling is to yandere) or, well, since darling looks so fucking delectable at the moment, it might lead to smth else entirely…

3) being chained up on bed with a hopelessly in love yandere who gawks and reveres and blushes non-stop because omg you’re in their bed and omg they feel like they could die from happiness right now. Your arms are tied and chained up and all you can do is lie still from all the sedatives/drugs they’ve given you as they cuddle your helpless form until they have their fill (which is never). All you can hear is their constant rambles about how much they love, all the things they’d do for you if you just let them, their plans for the future you two are going to have, etc, etc.

all you wanna do is free your hands and claw your ears out.

4) darling who’s given drugs so that you can fall limp in their arms. Yeah, you don’t want to be here but you’re powerless, uselessly pawing at the strong arms that are wrapped around your waist, bringing you flush against your captor’s chest. and before you know it, you’re getting drowsier and drowsier until you’re falling asleep, knocked out by whatever they’ve given you.

5) ooh a bipolar yandere, one of those really unhinged ones that lowkey have mommy issues cuddling you like a child would. You’re sitting down and they’re clinging to your front, arms wrapped around your waist and face nuzzled into your chest. They’re like a blanket draped across you. They can easily go from “please love me” to “i’ll stab you” if you so much as move— you’re subject to their whims and have to tread lightly whenever you’re around them.

6) darling who wants to try to manipulate their yandere into doing what they want, be it letting them outside or going out on a “date” (aka let me leave this godforsaken jail cell— i’d do anything even if it means going on a date). Darling is hesitant and really doesn’t want to do this but it’s so worth it when yandere melts like putty in their arms and promises everything they want— “you wanna go on a date? but it’s dangerous—” cue your hand crawling up to run your fingers into their hair— “oh, oh, oh. s-sure, let-let’s go i wanna-wanna go on a date with you too!!”

(sorry im not good with dialogue tbh)

7) yandere who forces you into cuddles if you want to progress through the explicit journey/plan they have for you. They’re the type of yandere that forces lots of restrictions on you, turning you from a human being into nothing when they’ve snatched you away— and the only way you can get your “privileges” back is by being forced into intimacy or smth like that. so if you want that chain off your ankle is by persevering through them hugging you.

[youmovedonimmediately]

you know what sucks is every time i touch my skin i imagine that it’s you instead. asking me how the fuck i’m so soft. the skin on my face is in the best shape it’s ever been and i know you’d be obsessed with it.

when my hormones are out of control and my boobs are juicier than usual, i imagine that you’re jiggling them telling me just how juicy they are today. us laughing about it.

i got a new perfume and it smells nice and clean and fresh and i just know you would complain and say you can’t smell me anymore.

we should have gotten through at least 3 more nancy drew games by now. we should be watching yellowjackets together. we should have watched pearl again.

i miss just listening to music while we drink and cook. i miss your snoring waking me up. i miss you coming into the bathroom to pee while i’m taking a bath and making direct eye contact with me just because you’re a fucking weirdo.

i miss the rainy days together, i miss the poolside days together. i miss the normal cuddles and the ones that turn into sex. i miss asking you what sounds you want to fall asleep to. i miss you taking me on dates just because. bringing me home a soda just because you stopped by the store.

i miss you so so much that it effects me on a daily basis. everything makes me think of you.

i cant even doomscroll through tiktok or instagram because videos where there’s a couple or a family having an intimate moment really messes me up. i feel like i have such a hard time processing other peoples happiness right now and that feels so stupid for me to say, especially once i get over it. like how much of a shitty person do i have to be to not be able to be happy for other people just because i thought i would be there by now?

i thought we would be planning the wedding being back in california. i thought we would be planning for kids. even in february we were talking about kids. and that would have been such perfect timing because i would have loved to give alex’s baby a cousin to have near and dear to her like we all did growing up. it wouldn’t be a three week difference but it would be closer than it will be now that i have no one.

it’s scary to hear it. i have no one. and i don’t just mean a partner, i mean i have never been this lonely before even after you broke up with me the first time. i think people felt bad for me then and now they’re like, well damn how stupid do you have to be to fall for it again?

and maybe they’re right. i don’t know where i’ll be in august because i told my sister yes, then no, and then maybe yes and it seems like they’re not rushing out so i’ll still be living with my mom until they do. even when they do find a place i don’t know if i’ll still be welcome.

i want to meet baby jasmine so i’m not in a hurry either. i just wanted you to be here too. i know you couldn’t be *here* all the time but just for the big moments. the baby shower. the first time alex can party again and we get her too fucked up to function. the first time i hold the baby. she loves my voice and she loves to hear us talking shit together. i know she’s gonna be a chismosa.

i just don’t know why you would come back at all. how someone could be so sure and then leave like it never happened. like nothing ever happened. nothing was promised. no love was exchanged. you asked me for three months for this program and i know it’s not gonna matter once the three months are up. you’re not coming back. you’re making friends and starting a life without me. i’m happy for you. but i’m also hurting and i hope you know that. i hope you can feel it.

because john, i love you so deeply that your ancestors can feel it. and i know, and they know, that you don’t love me the same way.

and it’s not that way all the time, but god it hurts to say that too. it hurts to say he’s passionate about me 45% of the time when we know i deserve 100%.

i don’t know what the point in this was. just know that i miss you here, and now, and in the next life too.

fuck you, but i miss you and i love you so much. i don’t know where i’ll be in 3 months and i don’t know where i’ll be in 2 weeks but what i do know is that’s not changing. it’s been almost a year since the initial breakup and it hasn’t changed. it’s not going to.