#is this the ocd or the trauma? is it both? (:

[grounded-parasocial]

Wille’s Month 2024-

prompt 14- Mental Health

As mental health is kinda my thing, I thought I would gather some fanfiction recommendations where Wille’s mental health is integral to the story as well as beautifully represented. One of the thing I really enjoy about YR fans and writers (or the little bubble I have curated for myself) is the way everyone validates, supports and makes space for mental health.

Everyone’s mental health journey is personal and I feel that truth in our writers stories, in how they embody Wille and Simon, and sometimes, I think I can even hear their therapist’s voices whispering from in between the lines. Even knowing not everyone is writing from personal experience, I still can’t help but feel grateful for the way writers make us feel and understand their struggles with constant care and compassion.

Because its Wille’s Month, I have tried to give suggestions where Wille’s MH is at the forefront or equally present and some variation in presentation - depression, body dismorphia, trauma/ptsd, ocd, substance abuse, autism, suicide, self-harm, burn-out, disordered eating and grief. Please mind the tags in each story.

There are also so many stunning depictions where Simon’s struggle is the louder voice, and it absolutely pains me not to include some of those here, but if people are interested, I would be happy to share Simon’s list too.

And that’s how we make history, baby @waybeforeyourtime (T, WIP 82K)

Yours to Keep -Series by fitz_y (T/E, 165K)

Känsla by despassurlaneige (E, 202K)

True Colors by DemiLune13 (M, 97K)

Wear Your Independence like a crown @earlgrey-lateatnight (T, WIP 22K)

Obviously @grapehyasynth (M, 124K) both

I don’t feel like our love is brand new @prince-simon (E, WIP 395K)

There are Many Names in History @prplewille by aqua_rius (E, 68K)

The road not taken looks real good now @stretchoutfics (E, 90K)

Almost is Never Enough @in-amor-veritas (E, WIP 202K)

You Don’t Have to Hurt Anymore by wilmonxoxo (G, 210K)

I would drive on (to the end with you) @glassdollls (unrated, WIP 118K)

-also take a deep breath and chase it with mine (T, 4K)

I’m Losing By Your Side @unfortunate17 (M, 10K)

Terrified the present will not last by FakeButILikeYou (T, 5K)

Where we left off @gulliblelemon (T, 84K)

Finding Home @ishotforthestars by Elin98 (G, WIP 19K)

the human eye is god’s loneliest creation @prplewille by aqua_rius (M, WIP 32K)

just a feeling, falling in repeat @ungaroyals part of the Rewrite the Stars Series (T, 6K)

Sending my love, admiration and gratitude to all our brave yr writers!! 💜

Be kind to yourself and be kind to one another!

*its a community so please add any additions I may have missed

[smilingconfessionz]

My Personal Smiling Friend’s Headcanons :D!

sfw + vague nsfw! if u don’t like them don’t comment or reblog n move along pls and thank u i just don’t want any drama at all ;w;

CHARLIE DOMPLER:

he/it + pansexual

audhd + bipolar + mdd

had braces in high school

HEARTS WEED❤️❤️❤️❤️

unfortunately vapes as well. fave flavors are like watermelon mango or some shit

speaking of substances he isn’t THAT big of an alcohol fan and is mostly a social drinker

#lowkey has catholic guilt

is actually an understanding, gentle guy, but people usually brush him off or see him as too “blunt”, “weird”, or “awkward” (he’s just autistic and people r mean)

also sort of hard to bond with because past experiences have made him afraid to be vulnerable and sincere around others

unfortunately smells like weed axe body spray and bonfires

bottom sub but prefers being a service top

biiiiig softie. wants to hide it but is absolutely terrible at it

his music taste is either the worst shit you’ve ever heard or it’s peak

unironically a pretentious musictwt nerd </3

purrs whenever happy!!!!

has an overbite

his orange hoodie is his comfort hoodie and also body dysmorphia hoodie (I love projecting issues onto my fave characters🔥🔥🔥)

LOVES praise of all sorts

a terrible hopeless romantic

PIM PIMLING:

he/him + bisexual w/ male lean

audhd + anxiety + ocd

wanted to become a teacher at some point in his life

while he gives out great advice, he’s terrible at taking his own

seems to be put together but is not in the SLIGHTEST

also very terrible hopeless romantic. this man Yearns™️

doesn’t really consume or enjoy music as much as the others, but enjoys whatever plays on the radio

he’s great at ALL love languages and treats all of his relationships and friendships in very kind, unique ways

LOVES ART!! he likes to draw landscapes and animals the most

stays away from substances of any kind but drinks occasionally, has to be a BIG occasion however

a true versatile switch with no preference

stims!!!

has a LOT of family trauma

SEVERE internalized homophobia because of said family trauma

he just really needs a genuine hug

enjoys baking with a passion and bakes things for his friends

loves listening to people ramble about their interests and could do it for hours

textbook definition of a people pleaser but is trying his hardest to get out of that mindset (not really working💔)

smells like cherry blossom and vanilla

ALLAN RED:

she/he + queer & aromantic

is fine with birth name but also likes the name “alanis”

autism

VERY private person. keeps a lot of private details to herself

social smoker

smells like fucking chemicals and red velvet

listens to a lot of goth music. loves gothic metal

kind of like charlie music wise (both listen to underground things, but allan’s music taste is ACTUALLY more underground than just being online popular)

is a fucking MATH NERD!!! Definitely helped charlie in high school with his math homework

also LOVES english as well, knows a lot of classic literature and has her own library

speaking of charlie, had a fwb situationship thing with him at one point in time

HATES the rain

doesn’t do well with compliments or affection

DOMINANT AF LETS GOOO🔥🔥🔥either a power bottom or a dom top

very great with animals, prefers cats

also stims a lot, uses stim toys like fidget cubes or rubix cubes

has SHARP ass teeth

on HRT for a couple months, everyone is very supportive

enjoys gardening duh

picky eater and extremely particular about what she eats

has the sleep schedule of an old person. usually sleeps around 8-9pm

hot showers are the best thing ever

has scars from crucifixion

HATES HOT WEATHER! it makes her overstimulated

into writing

GLEP:

any/all (likes having name in place of pronouns) + queer

audhd

knows lots of languages, but English and Wingon is Glep’s primary languages

listens to a LOT of loud shit. nasenbluten, xrin arms, annoying ringtone, crystal castles, & delta 9 are some examples of what Glep usually listens to

met Pim first out of all the smiling friends

unfortunately obsessed with brainrot youtube shorts that make no sense

extremely invested in space

does bright eyebleeding digital art in spare time and has quite the following online

doesn’t fuck with sex much but is also a true versatile switch

best friend is allan

closer to pim and allan but loves charlie too!!!

into experimental, weird, niche animated movies

hates energy drinks with a passion

has smoked weed a couple times but it doesn’t do much for glep

has also done psychedelics with allan, had a grand ol time

comfort item is wizard hat and bean bag is comfort chair that nobody else is allowed to sit in or ELSE

probably runs FL studio like the US Navy

really fucking funny

easily irritated

smells like those warhead sour candies and coffee

has a lot of money in bank account, does not tell anybody

very fun person to party with

pulls all nighters consistently

causes glep to be super sleepy and take tiny naps throughout the day at the office

on days off, usually spends time out around local shows with allan and charlie and plays DJ mixes

had a good upbringing and home life, probably the most mentally stable one out of the four

[dolls-self-ships]

the awkward moment when you’re in the middle of an x reader fic and start crying out of nowhere bc you want someone to treat you/desire you that way irl but every time you try and be with someone the aromantic feelings TM start happening again and you have to go through the slow painful realization that you only like these scenarios in fiction so you will forever be consumed by this eternal feeling of heart wrenching longing and desire for something that disgusts and churns your stomach in reality.

[suncaptor]

literally every main character has autistic traits and ptsd let's be real.

[jasontoddssuper]

The wave of Todomomo hate caused by the misenterpretation of Shouto and Momo's canon relathionship was mostly just baby gays getting too intense so i can forgive them but the way they're were GROWN people shitting themselves over a friends to lovers romance in a series for teenagers because it's 'ewww m/f!!!' will never be something i let the Bnha fandom live down

[ravenquing]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

[momentsofamberclarity]

I'm not posting this ask because I reported it to tumblr for threat of violence but I woke up to this

followed by the anon in question coming off anon to leave me paragraphs of guilt tripping dribble in my DMs before blocking me.

I didn't bother reading their messages since they'd already blocked me so I just blocked them back. ( I did read something like 'if you post these screencaps remove my url' -- anon, I didn't do more than skim your whole novel of a guilt trip, I'm sure as hell not posting it so that you can guilt trip others. plus!! I already promised you in an ask that is still posted here on my blog that I would not name-drop you if you came off anon. callout culture is a thing your side of the fence does, not mine. lmao )

[sunkern-plus]

funny (in hindsight) little ocd compulsion i remember having (partially because of autism most likely): when i was like 11 i was told by one of my teachers (one of the shit ones) that people had to wash their hands and NOT run the water while putting on soap because if you DID run the water, it contributes to global warming

but little ocdtism me did not understand the concept of abstract thinking, and i jumped right to "oh god if i run the water while i'm putting soap on my  hands i'm personally responsible for the earth getting destroyed"

[chaoticbuggybitchboy]

Really wacky how my symptoms have worsened over time but my coping and masking abilities have improved concurrently and so to anyone else it looks like I’ve just been at a stable level of Meh for my whole existence when in reality everything is gradually getting worse but I’m getting better at living with it

[butch-bakugo]

Still dont get how it took my mom 19 years to figure out i had autism( or ocd)when as a child, i enjoyed;

Going through the pantry and throwing away expired food like it was a game.

Going through my moms coupon scrapbook and throwing out the expired ones like it was a game

I lined up my hot wheels cars in a row or would sorted them by type/color/texture/size/etc instead of just run them along the hard wood floors cause car go vroom

Refused food of certain textures/didnt like fruit

Actively did not speak unless it was to myself or they needed me to

Talked to myself constantly

Perfered being alone and only having contact when i wanted it

Only seeking out physcial comfort when im sick

Didnt like making eye contact and would actively avoid it

Did not pick up on social cues

Didnt like being hugged or kissed or touched in general

Would actively stim

Couldnt explain why my mom picking up a toy for me would frustrate me

Always have to do things in a specific order or else its wrong

Adored certain tedious tasks but refused to sit and do math

Liked peeling potatos/carrots and other cleaning activities but had a messy room

All my old preschool and kindergarden grades on "socializing with other kids" were mere points above being concerning cause i was always by myself

Picked my eyebrows till they didnt exist and still have a slight bald patch on my head

Loved listening to songs over and over and over even when it would annoy the average person

Liked my jeans with holes in the kness because i could pick at the strings

Perfered to have earbuds in around crowds

Disassociated all the time

Would sing jingles all the time aka vocal stimming

Desperately wanted to tell her everything about the game or show i was into aka hyperfixating and infodumping

Would be into meteorology then not then into marine biology then not

How i could spend hours on minecraft building things and never get bored

Why i would draw obsessively

Why i still sleep with a comfort blanket/stuffed animal well into adulthood and still do

How i had limited energy/limited focus(then got laughed at by my stepdad cause "limited focus isnt a thing" just for her to chew him out about my adhd)

Liked asmr and still do

Why i talk about human psychology as if i wasnt human( i.e me saying "i dont get why humans do this")

My sudden and intense interest in true crime and criminal(and general) psychology

Had quiet/private meltdowns instead of the sterotypical loud and violent ones because of my dad's abuse and intimidation

Lacked empathy and could only manage some base level sympathy

Couldnt read other peoples emotions and mom quite litterally said she dosent know how to speak to me sometimes cause my face looks like a "brick wall when im being happy and when im sad".

Didnt get that saying "the table is dirty" is supposed to mean "could you please clean the table" instead lf just an observation

Me saying sorry all the time wasnt just a trauma responce

Constantly stateing my feelings and clarifying what im trying to get across cause im scared someone might take it a bad way

Not getting sarcasm or jokes unless they are almost comedically obvious

Perfered to deal with negative emotions alone/sent people away when i was grieving/mourning/pissed off

Wanted to do a soft bite as a form of affection(would do it as a kid and still do it to my gf)

Perfered handsewing over the sewing machine

Did "weird" responces to things( hissed at doors and found it funny, stimmed when i got super excited, crane-legged when i got bored, bit my lip when i got bored)

Picked at my scalp

Would only let myself step in squares once or twice and never on the crack or more than the allotted number

Would watch ceiling fans

Watched my feet as i walked with some knowledge of what was infront of me

Was more fascinated by the dead body at funerals of people i didnt really know than comforting the mourners

Make jokes to avoid silence

Always asked if people were angry at me and told people to just tell me how they feel instead of trying to make me figure it out

Never got the whole "i cant ask them out they have to ask me out" thing

Didnt get why certain clothes couldnt be worn to certain places( i.e casual house clothes to church, stained clothing to the store)

The whole "dont invite yourself to spend the night at other people's houses". Bruh i would litterally ask if i could because i wanted to spend more time together then tell them to lie to my mom and say they asked me.

Could handle crawling bugs but not flying ones

Didnt get why i couldn't bring a real knife as a prop for trick or treating. I had no bad intentions but i didnt get why that would scare other people or get legal trouble

Handle stressful situations either with full logic with sympathy or full emotion with low stakes,very little inbetween.

Constantly have to tell people that im not angry and i am interested because i have annoyed and disinterested resting bitch face

Would use my own stories to relate to others instead of just agreeing or sympathizing then never speaking to them again because they said i was making it all about me

Being very open and very honest and not realize when something isnt appropriate to say

Not understanding the difference between someone venting and someone asking for advice

Get irritated at people who stayed in shitty situations without fixing them then vent at me. Go fix ur shit.

Not remembering my friend of 10 years' birthday but could tell you their top 5 games and anime

Not understanding why my classmates started getting bigoted when we learned in elementary school to treat others the way you'd want to be treated

Not getting that correcting someone could hurt their feelings

Not giving a shit about someone's pride. When ur wrong ur wrong and im going to tell you and prove to you that ur wrong. Nothing wrong with being wrong.

Being naive about drugs and alcohol and not being able to tell who is on what when they are clearly on something.

Not being book or street smart, just art smart.

Didnt get why certain objects were girls or boys to the point that i had a genderfluid favorite stuffed animal at like 3yrs old.(litterally one day its a boy and the next a girl)

Didnt see the harm in love triangles/polyamory and straight up said "why dont edward and jacob both just date her? Why dose she have to choose?"

Willing to cut people off at the drop of a hat. Didnt care about pre-existing relationships

Have a high internal moral code i refuse to break

Like the funny part of it all is in 2020, i mentioned to my mom that i might have autism because alot of what was considered signs and behavior of autisitc people fit me. She was all opposed and confused and didnt like my assumptions without a doctor present. Flash forward like 2 months and i asked my therapist if he thought i might be autistic and he said "no doubt. Im surprised you didnt come to me with a diagnosis. I have many autistic patients and you'd fit in pretty well". Now 2 years later and i mention it and my mom's all casual like "oh absolutely your autistic. Your sister isnt,its just adhd but you got somethin else going on." Like thanks mom, could of used the support earilier when you were making me feel like i was too sensitive or crazy 😭😭😭

[ibuprofenlesbian]

how do therapists typically react when you say you think you have something

[gxlden-angels]

"A sense of feeling small, young, fragile, powerless and helpless is also commonly experienced in an emotional flashback, and all symptoms are typically overlaid with humiliating and crushing toxic shame."

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (Pete Walker, 2013)

[alilaro]

only just realized how blatantly obvious it is that I suffer from OCD

[jasontoddssuper]

Imagine thinking Shouto's masculinity is so fragile that he'd be jealous of Bakugou of all people in regards to his feelings for Momo though.Momo has hated Bakugou from the second she met him and has never hidden it yet you unironically think he's his love rival over her just because they're both guys.Shouto's not even that masculine,he's never shown interest in traditional gender roles and he'd be canonically gnc if Horikoshi knew how to write😭😭😭How do you guys think so little of both him and Momo yet call them your otp

[anxiously-going]

Is it too early to start the day over again?

[elibeeline]

Is it the change in routine or the trauma: family holiday edition