#its starting to hurt my jaw now too which is fucking miserable

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[thatdeadaquarius]

imagine if reader is given an ancient scripture from around the time humanity founded out how to write and do the alphabet (somehow it was preserved so well that you can still see the words with no issue)

and it's the most heart wrenching, soul crushing, tear inducing, hyperventilating, sanity disappearing angst, misunderstandings, hurt/no comfort, it gets worse but never better, major character death, unrequited love story to have ever existed in teyvat.

and after reader goes through the whole thing, they can barely talk or breathe properly with how much they're crying.

(even better, it was smut not angst and reader is staring ar the scripture, jaw dropped to the floor with shaking hands.)

STOP- I avoid fanfics like that at all costs 😭 id stop reading it after the first angsty event LMAO

Im like... too emotionally affected by fanfics, esp angst ones 💀

Its just, ppl who write closer to my generation or just very psychologically honestly, are like fucking deadly writers. Got my day ruined and shit w/just fanfics 😭

LMAO THE GIF IS JUST YOU ON THE SPOT NOT EVEN HALFWAY THRU-

☆

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Short! Headcanons-ish

Stars: my first of the Fontians!! Fontainianes? Fontainains?? u get it

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: sobbing, discussion of vague smut/NSFW book at the end, okay for Teen/Mature audiences, & Trigger Warnings: none known.

no but it’d be hilarious if u got this crazy like hand-width deep tablet for each “page” of the book, like how every novel or info in genshin is like one page at a time 😭

Sumeru and other international academics are literally constantly harassing politely requesting your translation of these and sending them to you in whichever country you’re visiting at the moment

Fontaine was even more complex and pretty in real life than it could ever be in game and i can def see you at like Neuvillette’s office or a nice french fontaine cafe and just WHAM

huge ass tablet bc as much as the fic tortures you, you have to know what the fuck happens to these miserable idiots

Neuvillette, Clorinde, and Lynette are all the type to immediately try and dissuade you from reading it again, bc from their point of view you just pull out this huge old rock and start sobbing quietly about 10 mins into the read every time 😭😭

(unsurprisingly, Neuvillette would even go so far as to get the Marechaussee Phantom to sneakily steal ur most recent tablets of the story to hide them, which sucks for you LMAO)

Freminet, Wriothesley, Navia, Lyney, and Furina,all frantically try to distract you, and also theyre in order of who would be the most dramatic w/it lmao

NO BC I JUST HAD THE THOUGHT-

Ur tears absolutely are top priority to Neuvillette and Furina so when they inevitably find the memories in them (and the traveler too maybe)

of what the story is about, except its like all the feelings and stuff, so like its the best “translation” they get of the book so far, u best believe it rains for a week straight

it started out as a light drizzle, but as Neuvillette “read on” in ur tear’s memories if got worse HAHA

mans is out here trying to convince himself like, “this is a classic tragedy from eons ago, its about a human romance, im definitely unaffected, though im glad i could figure out what ails My Majesty so”

meanwhile the story gets worse and its just like that meme “ohHHhhhHH its got a little kiicckkk”

Neuvillette nearly floods the streets by chapter 5 when the miscommunication happens and then they cant get in contact with each other to fix it lmao

LMAO I JUST HAD A VISIONNN

ur in fontaine and while yes drinks were popular (like obv fonta)

business is rlly booming bc now everyone you know (like the Vision-users or archons Neuvill, etc) all have develop this habit of having a water bottle or drink on them to offer you when u start reading to rehydrate you 😭😭😭

Navia, Clorinde, Neuvillette, Wriothesley, Lyney, Lynette all have a handkerchief on them at all times too 😭😭

Good God-

the moment you translate the now instant Shakespearean-level tragedy classic, it is a known tear-jerker thruout all of Teyvat,

like theres trigger warnings and age limits and shit 💀

◇

on another note,

if its smut,

ur desperately combing thru all the tablets and wall carvings and cave paintings to try and lowkey cover it up LMAO

and its not like a story with a smut scene either, its like what anon said,

just fully like the ao3 tag “Porn What Plot/Porn With Plot”

STOP

not u yanking the tablets out of Neuvillette’s hands when he curiously picks them up one time lmao

(he is now invested in getting these translated too bc of ur reaction lol)

☆

consider supporting me with an iced coffee? :0

Spooky Season! Spooky Season!! Spooky Season!!!

still not dead btw

just got hired at my new job so ive been training and busy!! :)

im a host at Olive Garden lol its weird and kinda hard, my feet hurt a lot and i havent had a full shift yet ;-; its a brand new one so it opens the 23rd

dw that eldritch one shot is still coming btw, just talking with betas and editing it now lol

hope if you read this you have a great upcoming weekend!!

Safe Travels Anon,

💀♒

☆

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

☆

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657

[kkusuka]

Body of Glass <3

Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader 

genre: smut 

words: 1.8k

synopsis: hajime treats you like glass and all you want to do is get fucked. 

a/n: this was hella fun to write LMAO, let me know what you think <3 

 based on this request: Iwa, Maroon 5 - One More Night. He’s afraid he’ll hurt you. Sometimes he doesn’t know his own strength so he holds himself back but y/n can tell so they grip his hair hard making him look at them “Hajime stop tiptoeing around me” they bring their lips closer to his “wreck me, I want bruises, hand prints, bite marks. I want you to man handle me I want you to leave your mark on me so everyone knows who I belong to, I’m not a piece of glass baby boy” they bite and suck on his bottom lip “go ahead, break me” -✨Puppy🤩

Cw: Fem anatomy, degradation, hard dom iwa-chan, Daddy kink

In a way, you regret not listening to your friends sooner.

Of course, any advice they had given you was after a lengthy explanation of how sexually frustrated you were. Of course, it was mostly of your own fault.

Hajime was great -- he always was -- he made you cum and you both felt satisfied by the end of the night. He was wonderful, sweet, and treated you like a queen-- it was every girl's dream for a guy to treat them like that so what was your problem?

He was sweet, wonderful, and kind, that was your problem.

And you felt more guilt about it. He couldn’t be a better boyfriend and it wasn't like he never satisfied you. Bot, in turn, was it so bad for you to want him to throw you onto a mattress and put you in your place?

“No, it most certainly is not! Y/n, you have to talk to him, it will never get better if you just sit and sulk about this!” your friend yelled, gaining more than a few heads thrown in your direction. And you're sure if it happens one more time the manager will be having a word with you.

It's been like this for the past 45 minutes as you waited for Hajimes practice game to start. Which, instead of standing in the gym for an hour, your friends decided to head to a small cafe to pass time.

“Think about it, when was the last time you were completely satisfied with sex?”

That's the problem, you always are satisfied, in the orgasmic sense that is. Hajime is talented, that’s not the issue, you're sick of being treated like a doll. You aren't made of glass, you can handle a bit of roughness from your boyfriend.

Of course, you love the soft kisses on your jaw, and Hajime telling you how amazing you are and how you fit perfectly against him. It’s very hard to hate, you love how soft his eyes look as he makes you cum around him.

Apparently, you had taken too long to answer your friend's question as she starts shouting ‘i told you so’ ‘s and telling you to either dump him or fix this because she’s sick of seeing you miserable. (which you are not)

“I am not going to break up with him, I’ll talk to him, ok? That should be good enough.” you resolved, and your friends expressed her happiness at the idea, rushing to get back to your school as the game would start in ten minutes.

Walking into the gym you could see the warmups still taking place. As you looked over the team, Hajime caught your gaze sending a small smile your way as he went up for a spike, hitting it with unimaginable force.

As you sat, letting your mind wander was a challenge. His hands, the veins in arms, the strength he had. Your ass sting just thinking about what his palm could do if he just let it, replaying it in your head sending waves of warmth to your core.

A bad thought to have right before a game where your boyfriend, the ace who gets most of the balls sent to him, would be playing almost the whole time.

A thought proven by the wave of heat to your clit every time he spiked that ball, amplified by the concentrated look on his face every time he jumped for a spike. This was probably the most honed in you've ever been at one of his games, and it was just because you were getting off.

It was no surprise the Aoba Johsai team won, and that meant a happy Iwa-chan. Which also meant that you could spend all of tonight with him. As your friend put it, “a perfect night for you to get railed the way you want!”

The problem? There was apparently no good way to start this conversation. You were having a good time with Hajime, you don't want to potentially ruin it while eating dinner, or watching a movie, or when he started to rub your thigh.

It was only when he began to softly kiss up to your jaw like he had done hundreds of times before, that you just blurted something out.

“You’re always too soft!” It was a moment that you wanted to slap a hand over your mouth and never speak again, especially when Iwaizumi froze and pulled his head from your neck.

“What?” he seemed to be in shock, staring eyes wide in confusion. Now there was no possible turning back, you had to tell him. Letting out a sigh, you sat back and let him do the same.

“You're so soft with me, I’m not made of glass love. You can be a bit rough, I want- I want you to be rough with me! You treat me like glass and, and I- it’s just too soft sometimes!” you spoke, it was like your shoulders were ten pounds lighter, until you opened your eyes to his face.

“You don't like it? I’m sorr-” he sounded so hurt and you felt ten times worse about this.

“No, No! I love it, it’s great- you’re great Haj!-” you turned to grab his cheeks forcing him to look at you, “But sometimes I want you to bend me over and tell me my place! Oh god! I want you to spank me and fuck me ‘till I can’t walk for a week! Edge me until I'm a mumbling mess. Treat me like a bitch- your bitch! I adore making love to you, but Goddamit I want you to fuck me like a whore!”

By the time you finished Hajime’s mouth gaped and he looked as if you punched him. Then in a second, he was hovering over your body, a hand on your throat pinning you to the couch.

He straddled your hips, keeping you in place as he used a hand to shed his sweatshirt, leaving him in a pair of grey sweats, your favorite pair nonetheless.

“You wanna be fucked like a street whore, huh? You want to be used like a hole for my amusement, don't you? Go on, tell me what you want.” he growled working his other hand to the buttons of your shorts. “Say it, Slut.”

You were about to cum and he hasn't even touched you yet, you had no idea how quickly he would change and you had no idea just how much it would turn you on.

“You beg to be my whore but can follow direction? I should just stop here.” he took the handoff of your neck and made a move to get off your body.

“No! Want to be your whore” use me like a slut! Please, I'll be good for you!”  Your begging made him resume his position. Not before throwing away your shirt.

“Alright, knees now. Let’s see how good you can be.” pulling you up by your neck, he sat back, spreading his legs to let you settle between them. It was either shock or you went brain dead, but all you could do was stare at the growing bulge in his pants.

“Are you going to start or do I have to do everything?” his voice shakes you out of your trance as you reach past his waistband. Only a second later your hand ran over something hard and sweltering.

From the small hiss Iwaizumi let out, you knew what that was. Pulling his cock out of its refines, you watched a bead of precum drip down the tip, following it across the veins of his hardening dick.

“Get on with it.”

Taking his tip into your mouth, you circled your tongue collecting the salty wetness. Pulling off, licked your way down to the base of his cock, letting it harden even further. Taking your head back you took a breath before putting as much of his dick in your mouth as you could.

Softly bobbing on him, you tried to take more of him taking whatever you couldn’t into your hand. You went until Hajime grabbed the back of your head, holding you on his cock. Before he shoved his entire length down your throat, grunting at your gag.

“Let’s get this out of the way, first, you call me Daddy or Sir, that’s it. Anything else and you don't get to cum for a week. Second, you do what I tell you, Third, no talking back. Both get you the same place, no cumming. Understand?” he didn't ask you to comply, he demanded you follow him.

He released your head, allowing you to come up for air, “yes, I understand.”

“I understand……?”  Oh!

“I understand, Daddy.”

“Good baby, now stand up.” he stood after you, pulling his sweats down as you stripped yourself of your clothes. “Hands and knees”

Pressing against you, his tip lined up with your dripping cunt as he latched a thumb to your clit, “I haven't touched you and you're dripping, you really are a whore.”

You couldn’t take his teasing, his tip running along your folds lubing his cock at a maddening pace. Removing his hand from your clit, he pressed against your back forcing your chest to the fabric of the couch and pushing your ass higher in the air.

Without warning, he thrusted his entire length into your walls. Feeling your walls pulse around him, Hajime let out a groan of your name.

Not giving you a chance to adjust, he pulled out to the tip before slamming back into your depths, sending you ford onto the couch.

“Feel good, slut?” he growled out, grabbing a handful of hair to pull your eyes towards him. Using your body as leverage to fuck you harder.

“I- Yes i-” you struggled to get out, as he barked out a laugh, thrusts never faltering as he pounded your g-spot.

“I haven’t even been fucking you for five minutes and you’re already all fucked out? A few harsh words and you become a bimbo? You really are just a street whore.”

Not giving you a chance to think as he sped his thrusts, fingers coming to circle your clit aiding in the growing sensation in your abdomen. Humping back to try and desperately meet his pounding.

A harsh thrust to your cervix had you seeing stars, collapsing into the couch as Hajime continued to use you like a hole until you zoned back into reality.

Pulling your back to his chest, your second orgasm already growing, “You better suck it up, I'm nowhere near done, Whore.”

[fullfiresiren]

beauty of the dawn

jujutsu kaisen

fushiguro toji x reader

The notion of a loving family was something foreign to Fushiguro Toji. Family, to him, was a bitter word -- full of hate and abhorrence. Abandonment and fear were a commonality in his own childhood. But in you, he finds a warmth he didn’t think he deserved – a home he craved, a love that makes him feel safe; full of gentle touches and soft kisses. But he’s scared. He's broken, and angry, and he knows the threat of his family is always lurking close, snapping at his heels, ready to devour. You bring the notion of family to his doorstep, and he spooks. He panics. He can’t let them find you, he can’t and he has to give up the only feeling of warmth he has ever known to do so.

It haunts him forever – leaving behind the only woman he ever loved, and a child he will never know.

word count: 3.8k.

notes: *inhales* ANGST— lmao but really, I live for it. Toji may be a bad person, but I suck dick, not morals, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ bro I fr don’t even know what came over me. This has been like the smallest headcannon for me and somehow it turned into this horribly sad piece, and although Toji is a dick, I also think he is an incredibly complex character that, at the end of it all, was just a desperate father trying to look out for his child. I think he deserves much more than he got, and he kinda gets shat on in this fic lmao I'm so fuCKING SORRY FOR THAT--

warnings: nsfw/18+, angst, hurt no comfort, abandonment, unplanned pregnancy, pregnant reader

“Take me,” he prays, panting secrets that fall from his lips onto your soft skin; promises of pleasure as he breeds you deep. “Take all of me.”

And you do – over, and over, and over again.

Hilting him to the deepest part of yourself, and holding him close, so close, his breath a hot ghost across your face as he leans his forehead against yours. You keep him there until he is finished, taking his seed like it was sacrament. He gives you everything he has to offer, and only when you have slipped into a light slumber does he pull away.

He never strays far, though, and he cannot stay away for long. You are like sweet honey and warm sunsets; the breathing embodiment of a life he was never before privy to – the promise of something better; a miracle. Far from the cold depravity and sharp pain of his own family, in you, he found only warm touches, and words of tender affection. Toji feels so overwhelmed by the amount of love he has for you, that sometimes it’s unbearable. He feels so happy he could die.

He is not an honest man, by any means. He kills for a vocation -- and enjoys it, too. It’s something he’s good at. It’s an easy way to make money, and it helps him pay for his half of the rent on the meagre apartment you share. It also lets him keep the fridge full, make sure you’re always warm, and that you’re never without. He doesn’t really care about himself or what he has to do – so long as you’re happy.

The weight of his body is always heavy between your thighs, his chest solid, thrusts slow and deep, stretching you, making a perfect fit for himself inside you. He likes drawing it out – each time he takes you. He enjoys seeing you beg for release, relishes the way your tears slide down your flushed cheeks, because he likes being the one to kiss them away, knowing he is the only one who ever makes you feel this good. His name sounds so perfect when it falls from your lips at your height of ecstasy, and the way you take him in has him swearing he can see heaven.

You see a side of him that no one else does, but he’s dark, he’s toxic. The amount of sadness in his soul is challenged only by the sheer force of his anger. He's sure that he wasn’t always like this, but... he can’t really remember a time when he wasn’t. Everyone and everything was his enemy. He’s never really told you much about his family, or his past. His childhood had been dark, you assumed, based on the way he flinched around children, and steered clear of any conversational topics that included them or parental figures.

Toji Fushiguro was untouchable to everyone, and only just tangible to you.

He wants to be able to give you everything. He wants to lay his head on your chest in the depths of the night when he’s feeling lost, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat to guide him home. He wants to come home every night, no matter what happens to him throughout the day, and be able to feel the brush of your soft lips; to taste your tongue with his – god – he wants to. But he’s afraid. He’s scared. If he gives you everything... if he shows you who he really is... what happens if you see something you don’t like? Will you pull away from him? Will you cast him out and abandon him – just like his family did? Toji isn’t feeble by any sense of the word, but he thinks that would be the one thing that would break him.

That’s why he’s only let you see glimpses... and only every now and then.

He’s just so miserable when he’s alone. He’s angry at the world, and you’re the only thing that soothes him. The only thing he has ever loved.

You’re staring at yourself in the mirror when he comes home, locked away in the too-small bathroom. You hear the keys turning in the lock; a signal of his arrival, and the door to your apartment opens, bringing with it sounds of paper bags crinkling, keys being tossed into their bowl, and huffing exhales as he struggles to kick his heavy boots off.

“Toji?”

“I’m home!” he calls, his voice a deep timbre in his chest, smooth like rich oak.

You follow it, leaving the safe space of your bathroom to find him, and when you pass the threshold into your small kitchen, he’s lifting bags of fresh groceries onto what little counter space you have. The movement carries with it droplets from an October rain that had caught him by surprise on his walk home, ones that hang from the edges of his black hair and drip down onto his damp black shirt.

“Toji,” you repeat, beaming as you bound into your small kitchen. “I have wonderful news!”

He spares you a glance between unpacking vegetables, dark eyes tracing the curve of your face, hands grasping at packets of food that need to be tossed in the fridge, and cans to be stacked in the shelves.

“Hmm?”

He offers you his face, leaning in close, pausing in his task to receive a small blessing of affection from you — a soft kiss against the scar on his lip that has his eyelashes fluttering closed, and then one more fully against yours – always greedy for any love you bestow, always chasing just one more, just once more, just another, my love, just one more...

He continues with his chore, but only when you giggle at the fluttering of kisses he peppers across your face, your jaw, suckling at your neck, your hands against his chest pushing him gently, urging him to finish his task – but not before you give him another deep kiss, all giddiness and mirth swimming in your gaze. He can’t help the deep chuckle that spills from his lips at seeing you so happy.

“Toji,” you begin, and he’s rummaging in the paper bags, brows furrowed because he could have sworn that he bought three carrots, and not two -- “I’m pregnant!”

He stills.

He can sense your beaming smile, almost feels the warmth of it on his cold skin, and it only makes him shiver.

The seconds tick by without any form of reaction, and the atmosphere grows horribly tense. Toji doesn’t look at you, but he can see from his peripheral vision that your smile slips at the same time that your shoulders round and you make yourself smaller, unconsciously closing off. You’re twisting something in your hands, suddenly nervous, and he has a nauseating feeling that settles in his gut, because he knows exactly what it is that you’re holding.

It’s proof.

“Are you... happy?” you ask, and you hate that you have to. It’s like a punch in the gut, and you’re afraid. This was not the reaction you were expecting at all.

“Are you sure?” he doesn’t know why he asks that.

He isn’t looking at you, and he isn’t moving – he’s not even blinking. You feel your hands becoming sweaty as you clutch the positive pregnancy test, mouth dry. A quickly increasing panic creeps over your skin, gripping you by the throat, and you honestly have no idea how to traverse this kind of response to your news. In the bathroom you only practiced scenarios in relation to a beaming, positive reaction.

Which room should we make into the baby’s room? Our baby can always sleep with us, though, and I know they’re definitely going to prefer you – I'm hopeless with kids... but I hope they look like you, Toji – a perfect combination of everything I love about you!

Do you want to pick names out? I hope it’s a girl... but a boy would be wonderful, too! I know the baby will adore you, no matter what! Do you have any names you like? We can name them after someone you love? If it’s a boy, I want to make his middle name yours...

Why didn’t you think he was going to show apprehension or reluctance? Why were you so idiotic to assume this is something he desired when he’s never given you any signs of wanting to start a family? He’s probably feeling entirely overwhelmed – and no wonder – you have no tact about this. Fuck, you’re stupid. You fucking idiot. Pathetic, dumb, worthless--

“Y-yes,” you reply, and your voice is a shadow of its former self. “I took three tests. I have one here--”

“How.”

You flinch a little under the curtness of his words.

“W-what—?”

“How did this happen?”

“Uhm...” your voice sounds so frail when you speak, and you can't help it. He’s making you feel like you’ve committed a horrendous sin. You’ve managed to combine the epitome of affection between the two of you into the creation of what will become a child – a perfect mix of the two of you, and yet, you’re beginning to hate yourself for doing so. You didn’t mean to... it was an accident... “We don’t... you know... use protection... and we... have sex... a lot...”

“I thought you were taking the pill.”

You feel like you want to throw up.

His entire body is unnaturally still, and he’s not looked at you once since you’ve told him. You are pretty sure that the can in his right hand is warping under the violent pressure of his grasp, and you wring your hands around the test nervously, the weight of it somehow heavy against your palms.

“I... don’t take the pill...” you remind, and then as an afterthought, you add, “I’m sorry.”

Words you never thought you would say in relation to this. You never though you would have to apologize in this kind of situation. You exhale a shaky breath, and it seems to bring him back to reality. He sets the can down on the countertop with more force than needed, and you try your best to blink back tears as you ask, “You’re... not happy... are you...?”

It’s more of a statement than a question, and it hurts to say – god, it hurts. The words sting when they leave your mouth, like a hard slap against your face, but the ache is not nearly as bad as the way his silence is wounding you. You feel like you’re about to collapse from the amount of pain you have in your heart.

“I need to go somewhere,” is the most he offers you, before he’s turning on his heels and striding past you, leaving the apartment you share.

The noise of the front door slamming shut echoes in your mind long after the sound itself has gone.

He never did come back.

  — — — 5 years later — — —

 In the end, you were blessed with a baby girl, all chubby with round, rosy cheeks. Dark hair and eyes like her father, but soft and gentle like her mother. She was an almost perfect child. She never cried, and she never fussed, content in just being close to her mother. She listened when you spoke, and learned fast, growing just as quick, and you would die for her. She was your blessing; Akemi – the beauty of a new dawn.

You’re sure that he would have loved her more than life itself, but you try not to spare any thoughts his way anymore.

Toji gambles his life away, blowing through anything he earns as quickly as he makes it, drowning himself night after night in heavy alcohol to dampen his senses until they are nothing more than a faint hum in the back of his brain.

With any luck, those things will kill him long before the guilt does.

He fucks faceless women, drunk beyond sense, and when he finishes, he leaves before they sleep.

“Hate me, (y/n),” he sneers, turning sharply to vomit up onto the wet asphalt, breath a shaky exhale as he stumbles into the cold night, thoughts only on you – only ever on you – unaware that he’s crying. “Hate me. I fucking deserve it.”

His face is smeared with bile and tears, and he is so fucking angry -- so desperately sad, and he cries, and cries. He wants to go home. He just wants to go home. He wants to meet her – his darling daughter – he wants to hold her, and kiss her forehead, and tuck her into bed. Fuck everything that he thought – he would have been a great father, he knows it – and you knew it, too. He’s so lost without you, and he wants to lay his head on your chest in the safety of your bedroom, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat to guide him home. He wants to feel the brush of your soft lips again; to taste your tongue with his, moan your name into your parted sigh, make you feel him again.

He screams, but it catches in his throat before he can, and he splits his knuckles open when he sends a furious punch against a brick wall.

He can protect you from a lot of things – but not the power of his family. Not that. He’s just one man, and they’re so many. He has a heavenly restriction, and they are all blessed with both innate and inherited techniques, passed down through eons. He knows what they’ll do if they ever found out about you – about the child, and Toji swears on everything he has, that he won’t let them touch you – or her. Even if he won’t be able to. Even if he’ll never be able to hold his daughter, to thank her for being born, to cradle her against his chest and feel her wrap her small fingers against his – he won’t let the Zen’in have her. He won’t.

But that doesn’t mean that he deprives himself from watching over her – or you. Eyes follow the two of you home from her pre-school, singing nursery rhymes to your hearts content, watching as she orders “up, up, mommy!”, squealing happily when you lift her onto your shoulders. He imagines himself in your place; lifting her to higher heights, hearing her giggle a chorus of happy songs as your hand finds his, lips on his scar as you tell him how much you love him.

But he always keeps his distance, dark baseball cap shielding his features, and leaves before you feel someone following you.

It becomes increasingly hard to keep it at that. He starts pushing the boundaries, testing how close he can get. He knows he shouldn’t -- he has no right to – but when she dropped her stuffed toy one time in the supermarket, and you were oblivious to it, he finds himself bending down to grasp the too-soft toy in his calloused hands, dropping it in your basket when your back is turned, and your brows are furrowed as you regard the price difference between her favorite flavor of juice compared to the off-brand ones.

The thrill of being so close, of doing something, anything fatherly, was like a fix – a short relief from the aching despair and loneliness constantly plaguing him, and he finds himself doing it more and more – always pushing, always testing the waters. He even smiled at her once when she caught him staring, and she sent her own toothy grin back at him. His heart soared.

His daughter’s name was Akemi, and he first heard it when it fell from your lips one warm afternoon. He wants to write her name on his heart – right beside yours.

He wants to give her something – a pretty gift, but he doesn’t know what. He was never good at buying presents, and would only ever bring you flowers, since it seemed like something that could never go wrong, and would always bring a bright smile to your face. Flowers would be strange for a child, though. He twists the dainty silver bracelet between his large fingers, thinking bitterly that this was the same way you held the pregnancy test all those years ago. He didn’t really care how much it cost him. He’s sure that the salesman added unnecessary tax and extras to the price just to give himself more commission, but Toji doesn’t care – he just wanted something pretty to give to his daughter.

When he finally sees her enter the park, small hand tugging yours happily, his mind goes empty, and he can’t stop staring. You are as beautiful as ever, and it’s no wonder his daughter is so ethereal when she has you for a mother.

She is perfect, he thinks -- too good for this life -- and even though it’s the worst thing he has ever done, he is reminded that pulling away from you was the only way to save her from his family. It looks like she escaped the curse of inheriting any of his bloodline's techniques, and what’s more so – it seems like she, too, is oblivious to curses; skipping past them as she chases leaves that skit about the dirt path of the park, her teddy in her arms. Toji dips his head down when she draws near the bench he’s sitting on, the brim of his baseball cap keeps his face hidden, and his sadness known only to himself.

“Excuse me?”

He bristles when her voice floats past his ears, so gentle and sweet.

“Hey, mister,” she pokes his knee with her slim finger, so tiny compared to the size of his body, and he jerks at the contact. “Is this yours?”

She’s holding the bracelet in her small hand, the silver glinting in the morning sun, offering it up to him with large eyes, so close to him. At this distance, he can see the true color of her eyes – exactly like his own – and the small freckles that dot her skin. The longer he stares, the more his chest constricts painfully, tightly – he’s finding it hard to breathe, and he exhales suddenly, sharply snatching it away from her.

The force of the movement causes her to stumble a little, tripping over her feet, and before she knows it, the man who was once sitting before her has entirely caught her in his large arms, scooping her up before the ground has a chance to harm her.

She blinks once... twice... swaddled in his arms, sitting against his broad chest, and Toji frantically looks for you, finding you caught up in talking to another mother, too busy to notice. He knows he would scold you for it if he was still in your life, but when his daughter laughs, he snaps his head back to look at her, forgetting what thoughts he had in his mind at the glinting sound of her happiness.

“Whoa!” she exclaims, “You’re fast! Thanks for catching me!”

He doesn’t know what to say – if he should say anything at all. His plan was to give her the bracelet, telling her that it was a late birthday gift from someone that loves her very much, and walking off before she (or you) has the chance to catch on or respond. But now that he’s inches away from her, holding her close as she peers up at him, he’s lost again. He’s lost, and he can’t breathe. He needs you to steady him, but you aren’t here, and he doesn’t know what to do, what should he do, what should he--?

“Where did you get that scar from?” she asks innocently, her large eyes suddenly trained on the mark beside his lips.

“F-from an accident,” he mumbles, “a long time ago.”

“Oh,” she hums, hands splayed against his broad chest, looking around her, swaying her legs absentmindedly. “Wow, you’re really tall! I can see everything from up here!” she exclaims happily, “My mommy’s not as tall as this, so when I sit on her shoulders, I can’t see nearly as much as I can now!”

“Oh,” he mutters, not really knowing what to say, “is that so?”

“Mhm,” she nods, “Mommy’s not as big as you are either.”

At this, he gives a genuine laugh – a sound he hasn’t heard fall from his lips in a long, long time, looking at her with quiet adoration.

“She’s not as fast as you either,” she continues, “you were super-fast!”

“She’s strong in her own ways, though,” he mutters, offering her a soft smile.

“Do you know my mommy?”

He bristles, actively avoiding her gaze. His heart is racing from this much interaction with his daughter, and he’s sure she can feel it under her small palm. It beats for her – if only she knew, and Toji contemplates, for the briefest of seconds, just telling her. The thought leaves his mind as soon as it enters. He doesn’t have that choice, and he doesn’t deserve it.

“Not really,” he mutters, dipping down slowly to set her footing on solid ground once more.

“She’s really pretty,” the little girl continues, playing with the soft fabric of his t-shirt in a small moment of fondness and familiarity, “and nice – and she makes great food!”

Toji realises only after the fact that his hand had settled on top of her head, and he’s stroking her hair softly, thumb caressing her cheek when he moves to cup her face. She doesn’t seem to mind at all, and Toji is overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions. Pride in you for doing all this by yourself and raising such a wonderful child, shame for abandoning you and his daughter, mirth, anger, warmth, sadness, love--

“Akemi!” you call, seeing her lift her head at the sound of your voice. “This way, honey!”

“Oh, I have to go now! My mommy is calling me!” she perks up, gripping her teddy a little tighter and offering the man a smile. “Bye-bye!”

“W-wait!” he calls, thrusting the gift into her small hands. “This is for you, uh... f-from me...”

She looks down at it, before her whole face lights up, and Toji is suddenly breathless – she looks so much like you when she’s surprised, happiness blossoming over her face the same way it would on yours.

Toji feels a deep-rooted emptiness inside his body when he watches his daughter retreat away from him; a living embodiment of all his failures to you, and yet, as he sees her long, black hair whip out behind her, he realizes something else — she was your promise delivered; a combination of everything good between the two of you, in itself a miracle. He might not be in her life, but he was also partly responsible for creating something so beautiful, so ethereal.

He knows he doesn’t deserve it, but if he was ever fortunate enough to be granted a second, it would be a miracle; a holy gift.

A blessing that would accompany the beauty of dawn.

[writing-in-april]

Helping Hands

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: After a bad case Spencer needs help shaving after getting injured, he gets help from the least likely person to help in his life.

A/N: Day two of my 750 follower celebration is here! This was totally supposed to be a blurb and ended up being so much long lol. Thank you @imagining-in-the-margins for this idea and letting me write it! And thanks to @spencers-dria for helping me out as always! This fic wasn’t originally going to be Gender Neutral I just ended up writing it that way on accident which is cool, I want my blog to be as inclusive as possible! I’ve had someone check it over for pronoun mistakes but please let me know if you spot any! This is also my first time writing in second person for Spencer!

Warnings: 18+, Enemies to lovers, Knife kink (use of a straight razor), Dry fucking, Humiliation, ONE slight nick to the skin- there’s just a very small bit of blood

Main Masterlist Word count: 1.68k

Your friendship with Spencer was shaky at best, the truth was you two were barely able to work together without biting each other’s heads off. It’s not that you wanted to butt heads with him almost every day, but when he picked apart everything you said constantly you always felt the need to bite back.

Emily just had to put you as roommates for this case so you guys could ‘work out your issues.’ Of course the case then ended up becoming one of your longest cases all year. The tension between you and Spencer ran high throughout the entire case, the petty arguments grew in rate as the team got less and less sleep each day. The case combined with the sleeping arrangements was definitely making you feel miserable.

Unfortunately these hellish two weeks didn’t even end with a completely good outcome. We had caught the unsub, but not before one of your own had ended up injured. Spencer had been securing the perimeter around the suspect’s house when the suspect (who ended up being the unsub) attacked him. Luckily, you hadn’t been that far away from him and were able to help him apprehend the man. You may butt heads with him almost every working day, but he was still a part of your team. You would never want him to be seriously hurt or worse. His knuckles ended up getting bruised and bloodied from his unexpected scuffle with the unsub today although he insisted he was fine.

The sight you were looking at now directly contradicted his words. His fingers were shaking badly as he tried to move his straight razor along his jaw that was coated in shaving cream. When he let out a frustrated grunt when he couldn’t get the right angle you decided to try and lend a helping hand. He seemed to get even angrier when you walked into the hotel’s bathroom, this wasn’t new however, he always seemed to get more agitated when he sensed your presence.

“Let me help you.” You snapped while reaching forward to grab the razor, your movements were in stark contrast to your words, only doing that softly as to not cut the both of you.

“Why do you want to help me?” He snapped back with just as much bite in his tone and jerked his hand away so you could not reach the razor.

“Does it matter? You need help and I’m offering to help. So sit down and let me help.”  The real reason that you wanted to help didn’t have to be known by Spencer, he didn’t have to know that you felt guilty. His injuries were from no fault of your own however, you could not help a little bit of guilt pool in the bottom of your stomach. You may not like him very much, but again you did not want to see him hurt.

He finally acquiesced to your request sitting down on the edge of the tub that just had enough of a ledge so he could sit rather comfortably. You reached out and gestured towards the razor letting out a little sigh of relief when he handed it to you, glad that he was finally letting you help.

The handle of the razor was simple in design with no ornaments adorning it and it was made of a dark wood, perhaps mahogany. The simple design of the handle and blade did not mean that it was inexpensive, the weight in your hand alone was a testament of how finely made it probably was. You suspected it might have been one of the only things Spencer splurged his money on.

Soaping up his cheeks again, you then straddled his thighs so you could get as close as possible to him. He squeaked a little in surprise at your sudden willingness to be close to him. In all honesty, you didn’t really want to be that close to him, but you had promised to help him, this just was the only way you could get the correct angles.

Besides the initial squeak the fell from his lips Spencer had become strangely quiet as you got to work shaving off his stubble.

His silence was then replaced by something else, the inability to sit still. Each time you started to scrap the razor against his jaw his hips shuffled under you, making it extremely difficult to get a close enough shave.

“Stop squirming.” He of course felt the need to again not listen to you and he continued to squirm underneath you. You ran your fingers through his hair then tugging on the stands to crane his neck backwards so you could get full access to the underside of his jaw. He defiantly squirmed again, causing you to falter with the razor again, this time accidentally nicking the underside of his jaw.

Instead of hissing and pulling away from you would expect; Spencer threw you for a loop when he let out a loud moan while jutting his hips up into your own. A look of mortification came over Spencer’s face at his actions, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else, but with your body straddling him he couldn’t quite escape your grasp so easily.

You weren’t going to lie, Spencer was an attractive man, your favorite part of his looks being his fluffy locks and the scruff he left behind after shaving. You weren’t going to pass up the opportunity of having an attractive man underneath you and begging. Experimentally you reached up with your free hand to brush up against the small nick that had only let out just a little drop of blood. Pushing down slightly on it you then rolled your hips to grind against his hardening cock in his slacks. His response to your actions pleased you, his slacks becoming more strained and another moan left his lips, this one much more high pitched.

“Are you ok with this? I won’t be gentle.”

“Yes, please do whatever you want.” You were pleasantly surprised how quickly a plea fell from his lips. It was going to be so easy to ruin him.

“Tell me if you want me to stop. You may infuriate me, but I do not want to make you uncomfortable.” He nodded quickly in understanding before tentatively moving his hands to rest on your hips lightly to make sure you were ok with his touch and so that his hands didn’t suffer from any unnecessary pain.

You were right, it was extremely easy to ruin him. It only took a few short minutes of grinding your hips into his own before you could tell he was getting a little close to his release.

“Is this all it takes for you to get off? That’s a little pathetic.” The humiliating words only made Spencer’s moans louder though at this point they had devolved into high pitched pitiful whimpers. You were glad he was keen on the idea of some light humiliation and decided to continue with some more harsh words, “I haven’t even gotten a chance to use it anywhere near any more exciting places yet. You’re so needy, Spencer.” The evil smirk that made its way onto your face at the thought of getting to use the razor in more, exhilarating places, made Spencer visibly gulp hard.

You shifted a little forward which brought more pleasure to you, enough to push you to teeter on the edge. As you felt your release begin to wash over you surged forward to mark up Spencer’s neck with a hickey to go along with the other slight mark you had left. The rocking of your hips sped up as you worked yourself through your blissful release. Spencer may have been one of the most infuriating people you knew, but you couldn’t deny that even with a few swirls of your hips together he gave you a stronger orgasm then most men ever had. After a few gasps of your breath into his neck after your release you began to focus on his own. You could just leave him hanging and force him to take a cold shower to alleviate the straining in his pants, though you couldn’t deny how good he had been for you.

“Beg me. Beg me to let you finish.” Carding your fingers through his hair once more you yanked hard so you could get to catch a glimpse of his gorgeous neck again. You brought the razor up to rest at the underside of his jaw close to the previous cut you had accidentally given him.

“Please!” Even though his begging was only one word, you were satisfied with how desperate he sounded for you. You had completely ruined him without even taking off a single article of clothing.

“Cum for me Spencer.” As soon as the words of permission fell from your lips, his hips started to meet yours with more vigor. His groans came impossibly louder as he neared his finish, so you surged forward to capture his lips with your own for the first time. Immediately you slipped your tongue into the cavern of his mouth, swallowing all of the noises that tried to escape. He rocked his hips forward once, twice, three times before feeling the front of his slacks dampen with his own release.

When you had both calmed down and slightly processed what you had both indulged in you separated from him to help clean up the nick on his jaw and to grab him a pair of sweatpants to change into. You returned to help him finish shaving making sure to leave the little bit of scruff you liked. As you finished he moved to rub slight circles into your hip, you didn’t let him do it for very long until you made sure that it wasn’t hurting his hands too much. You were both extremely content with your current position. Maybe he wasn’t as infuriating as you once thought. In any case you had enjoyed lending him your helping hands, maybe you could help him again if he was willing.

——

Tag list (message me if you want to be added):

Spencer Reid/CM taglist- @calm-and-doctor @destiny-tsukino @safertokiss

Sub!Spencer taglist- @thatsonezesty13- tags are not working for you for some reason!!

[marktuansvevo]

got7 reacts to something theyve never experienced before in a relationship

warning(s); slight cursing, sexual content in bam’s part

mark; being jealous

mark understood why his past partners could be jealous of him in his line of work. as long as it didn’t get out of hand, he thought it was cute. he was never the jealous one in the relationship. he didn’t even know what jealousy felt like....

....until tonight.

you were mark’s entire world. you excited him, you built him up like no other. never before could he see himself spending his life with someone before you came along. you made the world brighter to him.

but now he was only seeing red. 

you had been a trainee and never debuted, which you weren’t too upset about, you had a boyfriend you loved and a career with less physical and time demands than being in the entertainment industry. this meant that you knew a lot of other bands, stray kids being one of them. chan was, quite frankly, your best friend during your trainee days, so when you saw him at this afterparty you were attending with mark, you threw yourself into his arms.

mark just watched you from afar.

and his blood boiled.

chan spun you around in his arms, the biggest smile on his stupid, handsome face. “yah!! y/n! mark didn’t say you’d be here.”

you giggled, trying to keep your tears at bay. you put your hands on his face, poking his dimples. mark scoffed at the blush that was forming on his friend’s face. “god, chan i missed you so much.”

“bro, you look constipated,” bam snuck up behind him. “dude, your face is so red right now.”

mark rolled his eyes. “these parties are so annoying.” he didn’t take his eyes off of you as you caught up with chan, who still had his hand around your waist.

bam followed his line of vision. “shit, you’re not constipated, you’re jealous. yugyeom, come look at him!”

mark walked away from his intoxicated friends and up to you. you smiled at him before returning to your conversation with chan. 

“y/n, we have to go,” mark said lowly, smiling a sickly fake smile at chan, who immediately dropped his hand from your waist. 

“why, baby, we just got here? are you not feeling good?” you asked. he wanted to feel bad, your voice was laced with concern.

“something like that. see you, chan.”

as you got in the car, you smiled at him, poking his cheek. “somebody’s jealous, huh?”

“huh? of chan? i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he clenched his jaw, not making eye contact with you as he steered his car out of the parking lot. you were giggling now.

“you’re cute when you’re jealous. maybe i should make more time for chan.”

“y/n!!!”

jaebeom; wearing disguises in public

jaebeom never thought he would have to dress up in a disguise to go out in public. and jae would never want to put you in such a position. it was draining, and you, as his girlfriend knew that he despised it.

but you wanted to go to a concert with him.

and you wanted to stand in the pit with him and be part of it. don’t get you wrong, you loved when he bought you suite seats or could watch his shows from backstage, but you wanted to sway to ariana grande in th pit with your boyfriend.

“cmon, jae, i think everyone is going to be paying attention to ari. we can skip the opening act?” you suggested.

“y/n, i don’t want to take a chance...im sorry,” he pouted at you. you sighed, trying to figure out what to do.

“what about disguises?” he said. “like, we could wear our halloween costumes?” you were giggling to yourself, but your boyfriend seemed like the idea.

“i could wear my jesus wig and you could paint a beard on me?” he said with serious eyes.

“jae, you hate going out in disguises.”

“true...but, babe, this will be fun. you could wear your sailor mars wig, it’d be cute,”

okay, this was a really cute idea and you were warming up to it...if it made your boyfriend more comfortable to be out in a crowd of so many people, you were down to try it out.

“this really feels like halloween in july,” you giggled as you used mascara to draw a beard on his chin.

“do I look like jesus??” he asked childishly.

“well, you don’t look like im jaebeom of got7, that’s for sure,”

“you look like an egirl,” he laughed at himself. “don’t hate, you know you love it,” you said. “we look so cute, let’s take a mirror selfie and post in later,”

“no, then people will be on to us,” your boyfriend sent a pout in your direction as he looked at his makeshift beard in the mirror. “I look sexy as fuck in a beard,”

“super sexy aegyo please?”

the two of you arrived at the arena, not be noticed by anyone, but jae was still on edge, so you held his hand tight as you made your way into the pit.

“im so excited!!” you shouted over the noise. he shook his head before leaning in to kiss you. the two of you danced the whole night away to arianas crooning, his arms around you as you swayed to her pretty, soothing voice. the two of you let the world fade away while ariana sang honeymoon ave in the background.

jackson; his significant other saying ily first.

it was no secret that jackson was stock full of love and kindness. he had had other partners before you, all with him ending up getting too attached, or scaring them away when he said “I love you” too early.

he did not want to scare you away, and honestly, he had known he loved you two months into dating, but he didn’t want to scare you away, so he never outwardly said those three little words to you.

he wasn’t expecting you to say it, first though.

you had invited him over for dinner and a movie, just wanting a chill night in with your boyfriend. he brought the wine and promised to give you a back massage, so really, what more could you want on this chilly thursday night?

“what’s been going on, honey? you know you can tell me anything,” jackson whispered into your ear as he helped you out of your clothes.

“I feel like I deserve to oversee my department at work. i have the most education of all of them, more experience than them, and generally, I am more optimistic than my superiors….,” you sighed, letting him rub just under your shoulder blades, which had been itching all week.

“mmm?”

“i think they might be scared of powerful women who like to wear hot pink fendi suits to work,” you smiled, knowing he would be offended at your joke. you could almost feel him pouting.

“so the reason you can’t get the job is because your superiors don’t like the suits your boyfriend buys you? wow, what a way to hurt a guy’s pride…,” he followed your lead on the joke, trying to make you laugh because he knew this was really getting to you. “baby, I think you should go to their boss and see if you can get a promotion…tell them everything you told me, okay? i know you’re not only the best woman for the job, but the best person for the job…period,” he said, making you feel so overwhelmed with emotion. none of your previous partners had ever revered you the way jackson had. you felt so incredibly blessed and in love, you couldn’t help yourself.

“god, jackson, I love you so much,” you whispered.

the movement of his soft hands on your back stopped abruptly at your words. ‘oh god, was it too early to say that?’

“j-jackson…im sorry-“

“ive been waiting to say that to you,” he breathed against your lips, closing the distance that was between them.

“jackson wang….you love me?” you could feel the tears building. the man of your dreams was in love with you, too.

“i love you,” he whispered reverently.

“say it again,” you begged. he said it like a mantra.

“i love you, i love you….i love you..”

jinyoung; moving in together

jinyoung thought you were so cute. you were ecstatic to move with jinyoung. you had been living in your shared apartment with your mom your whole life and we’re excited to start a new chapter of your life. jinyoung didn’t think you were taking in the fact that moving is one of the most stressful things a person can go through.

he didn’t want to rain on your parade, though.

the two of you got settled into your new apartment after a long day of unpacking. jinyoung kissed you as you laid onto your new king sized bed. “im gonna grab takeout, you want your usual?” he asked sweetly, squeezing your hand. you just nodded, squeezing his hand back.

you watched as jinyoung walked out of your shared bedroom. that’s when the dam broke. you were so overwhelmed. you didn’t know how to make warm water happen in your shower, you didn’t have your wifi set up, and you forgot your favorite teddy bear at your moms. you missed teddy and your wifi and your mom.

“hey, i ordered you two egg rolls and they gave us three - hey, baby, are you crying?”

“no,” you replied lamely. “I miss teddy,” you wailed miserably.

“teddy...the...stuffed bear?” he asked.

“i slept with him every night for the past 20 something years.”

“baby...we can get your bear in the morning...,”

“we don’t have netflix set up so how am i supposed to sleep tonight?”

“y/n...,” he chuckled. you frowned harder now that he was laughing at you. “moving isn’t as exciting as it looks. tomorrow, we will fix the wifi, okay? and we can visit your mom and rescue teddy.”

“okay...okay. im sorry, im just a bit overwhelmed,” you confessed.

“its gonna be okay, honey. it’s a lot to take in, i know. but you can hold me instead of teddy, and ill sing you to sleep,” he whispered, the takeout now long forgotten. before you could fall asleep, he pulled his iphone out of his back pocket and pulled you into his chest to take a selfie. “there. now we have a picture of us in our bed for the first time.”

“i love you, you sap.”

even though you called him the sap, the next day you went to the pharmacy to get the photo printed and frame it. when jinyoung came home from the market that day, he eyed the frame on your bed stand, smirking at you.

“oh, so im the sap, hmm?”

youngjae; picking up the tab

it was the first date the two of you had been on since youngjae had been on tour. he told you to get dressed up and that the two of you would go out for a fancy dinner and catch up on everything. this is why you loved him, because while you wanted to hear all about his stories of life and tour abroad, he always wanted to hear about everything that was going at home, to see if you were alright.

youngjae looked dazzling in a black checked suit, while you matched him with a little black dress that made him groan when you stepped out of the bathroom. “can we skip dinner?” he’d ask cheekily. you rolled your eyes at him before kissing him on the cheek. “we aren’t skipping dinner, and we definitely won’t be skipping dessert,” you winked before leading him to the car.

the two of you ate dinner together, him holding your hand and looking at you with stars in his eyes as you told him stories that had happened while he was away. you ordered appetizers, drinks, shared an entrée, and youngjae even ordered you a slice of apple pie for the two of you to share.

“baby, I’m going to go use the restroom,” youngjae said before kissing your hand. “’kay, don’t get mugged, please,” you teased him. he shook his head at your playfulness. you watched as he left before frantically waving your arms at your waitress. she ran over to you, checking if you were alright.

“I just wanted to wonder if I can pick up the cheque really quick? I wanted to pick it up for my boyfriend as a surprise,” you spoke in a hushed tone, making the waitress giggle. she nodded her head before handing it to her. you handed her your credit card, thanking her before your boyfriend had any suspicions of what you were up to.

youngjae came out of the bathroom as soon as the waitress set the cheque down. you were applying your lipstick so you couldn’t snatch it in time. you watched as his pretty brown eyes scanned the receipt, looking confused as ever. “is this a joke? what kind of waitress lets the girlfriend pay?”

“jae,” you giggled. “you don’t always have to pay for dinner. I wanted to treat you…I missed you so much,” you confided, watching his expression from anger into warmth.

“oh, thank you honey, you are so sweet and thoughtful, I love you so much,” you let him wrap his suit jacket around your arms before planting a kiss to your forehead. “but that will be the last time you ever do that.”

“shut up, i like doing nice things for you,” you pouted.

“since you paid for dinner tonight, i have to put out, right?”

he ran to the car before you could slap him in the chest.

bam; his s/o borrowing his clothes

remember how joey never shared his food? well that’s how bam was with his wardrobe. he was very particular about his clothing, not letting people borrow them at all. yugyeom used to steal his clothes just to be petty and piss his best friend off. he had never let past partners borrow his clothes, and nothing was going to change, it wasn’t his fault, it was an obsession. if you were sure of one thing, it was to not steal your boyfriends clothes.

but one day, while he was gone from work, you thought you would take pictures of yourself in only one of his blazers to tease him.

you weren’t expecting him to walk through the door while you were trying to take self timer pictures of yourself.

“baby? what are you doing?” bam asked, laughing as you let out a squeal of surprise.

“i..i wanted to surprise you...,” he tsked, pulling away to look at his blazer. “i know you don’t like me wearing your things..,” you stammered as he circled you.

“you have such pretty things, though, bam,”

“you look so sexy in this,” he purred. “you were trying to get me worked up while im trying to work?”

“u...uhhh,” you couldn’t think coherently with you boyfriend acting so domineering. you gasped as he slid his hand up to your cunt, rubbing your clit in little circles. “bam...please...,” you groaned. 

“keep the blazer on,” he said as you writhed in his grip.

“its gonna get all sweaty though and then you’ll yell at me,” you teased him as you followed him to the bed. 

bam just groaned. “baby, im sorry I haven’t let you borrow my clothes before but you look better in them than me. now, let me fuck you and i promise you can have anything you want in that closet.”

he knew exactly how to shut you up.

yugyeom; his s/o buying him flowers

yugyeom was always so stressed during comeback season. you always scolded him when he forgot to eat, or wasn’t staying hydrated enough, but you were so proud of him. seeing the smile on his face and the way he walked a little taller was so worth it.

he was still busy during comeback season, coming home late after all the videos he had to shoot for publicity.

one night, yugyeom had gotten home around midnight to a bouquet of pink roses and a handwritten note from you. it read; “I am so proud of you, my love. congrats on breath… I can always feel your love,” he blushed and giggled to himself, thinking, “isn’t the guy supposed to buy the girlfriend the flowers?” he wandered into your shared bedroom to see you sprawled into his side, with your book in your hands, a soft snore leaving your lips. he nudged you, not intending to wake you up, he could thank you in the morning. but he did accidentally. “yeom?” you whispered. 

“shh, baby go back to sleep,” he shushed, changing into his pjs. 

“did you like the flowers?” you asked, suddenly awake now. 

“theyre really pretty, baby, but aren’t I supposed to buy you the flowers?” 

you narrowed your eyes at him. “not my boyfriend being a sexist,” 

“yah! y/n stop it, I didn’t mean it that way!! I love them, you remembered I said I love roses,” he was pouting now, pulling you into his chest to spoon you. his voice got quieter now. “no one’s ever remembered my favorite flowers…much less bought them for me,” he paused, kissing the back of your neck before closing his eyes and falling fast asleep.

he was whipped.

[caramelcal]

her favorite protector

summary: its been weeks since Luke and Bambi last spoke after their argument at the club, and everything seems bleak. things take a turn for the worst for bambi, but it seems only luke can save her from this one. 

word count: 3.25k

requests: Anonymous asked:Hope your doing well and Omg you cannot leave us like that with his favorite club :( my heart is breaking. We need more!! We need cute fluffiness where Luke can change some of those controlling ways. Maybe a kidnapping or something? His worst nightmare coming true that his rivalry is using Bambi to hurt him?

Anonymous asked:For the next part of bambi and Luke, maybe while bambi is at Anna’s, a rival of Luke finds her and she’s really scared and even though they aren’t on the best terms Luke somehow finds her and rescue her

this gif...wow. he’s so pretty <3

ALSO?? LUKE IS ENGAGED TO SIERRA??? I FOUND OUT AND SCREAMED FR AHDFGHBNJHGFD IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM OMG

ᴅɪsᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀ- ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴅᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛɪɴɢ ᴏʀ ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ғɪᴄs ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴍʏ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ. ɪ ᴏʙᴠɪᴏᴜsʟʏ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴏᴡɴ ʟᴜᴋᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ғɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ɴᴏ ᴅɪsʀᴇsᴘᴇxᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ғɪᴄs, ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ sɪᴍᴘʟʏ ғᴏʀ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋʏᴏᴜ <3

Bambi hadn’t had a particularly great few weeks. She needed space, she knew that, and she knew that time away from Luke would do her the world of good. Anna had been nothing but kind to her, hospitable, not asking too many questions about why she was there and why Luke hadn’t shown up. Anna knew of Luke’s more controlling ways, so it baffled her that he hadn’t even acknowledged the girl being away for so long.

From what Anna had observed previously, Luke could barely breathe without the girl by his side; couldn’t rest easy. Neither could his girlfriend...if they could even call each other that anymore.

Anna, in all honestly, just wanted to know what the hell happened. She knew her best friend well, and she hadn’t stopped looking like you had kicked a puppy right in front of her. Hardly even speaking, barely going out, a very small and almost unnoticeable frown on her face.

It was a miracle that Anna had managed to get her out to the club last night. Sure, the smaller girl didn’t have the best time, but it was far better than any plans that she had at the weekend. All she planned on doing was sitting around and moping, the girl was miserable.

Maybe it was selfish, but she really wanted Luke to text her. She wanted some sort of proof that he still cared for her, and compared to his normal overprotective nature, this was so...different. It was almost as if he didn’t care for her anymore, maybe he moved on. Bambi didn’t know. What she did know of, however, was that Luke had a history of sleeping around. What if he didn’t bother coming back for her and just went back to his old ways instead?

It made her feel sick.

Maybe that’s why she barely got through the first round of shots before she was telling Anna she was going to head home, not wanting to be too much of a damper on her best friend’s night.

It seemed that the plan had worked. By the next morning, Anna was nursing an awful migraine due to her hangover and was sporting many new bruises that she didn’t know where they were from. At some point during the night, she had broken a heel off of her shoes, the discarded heel nowhere to be seen.

Anna still demanded they were going out to run errands the day after, dismissing her hangover but demanding that the smaller girl drove her. Surprisingly, she had gotten used to driving after so long of not even having her hands on a steering wheel. It wasn’t her fault that Luke had always preferred that he or Jacob drove her.

Granted, the girl didn’t have a car yet, but Anna was chill about her using hers.

“Anna,” The girl called out from the room, putting her converse on and tying them up, awaiting her friend to reply to her shout.

However, her reply never came, making the girl sigh. Maybe the girl had fallen asleep or just didn’t want to shout back due to her headache. She quickly picked up her purse and walked into the hallway leading into the main front room, “When are we leaving for-”

The smaller girl cut herself off, looking up towards where Anna should have been by herself but instead was pulled against a man’s chest, tears streaming from her eyes, absolutely horrified. A gun was pointed at Anna’s head, making Bambi still in fear.

“One bad move and this bullet goes into her brain, kid,” One of the men’s gruff voices warned, making fear hit the small girl like a wave. She didn’t know what to do, she wasn’t exactly prepared for it.

Bambi stilled, eyes traveling up to meet the older man in front of her, he looked powerful, must have been their leader. He was older than her, but couldn’t have been much older than 30. Small pieces of stubble decorating his jawline and a black shirt covering his muscles, stretching across his wide chest.

“Good move, princess. You’re coming with us,” The next thing the small girl knew was that the gun was no longer pointed towards Anna, instead, it was directly facing her. One pulling of the trigger and a bullet was going to lodge its way between her eyes.

Bambi didn’t have any time to react or notice the person behind her before their cloth-covered hand was covering her mouth. She was pulled against their body, restricted, unable to scream. Her mouth was dry with fear, the strong smell of chemicals hitting her nostrils as she breathed in. Chloroform.

Bambi’s eyes meet Anna’s tear-filled ones, her figure shaking lightly with terror. Anna was pressed down against the counter now, cheek against the marble, hands behind her back, and gun pressing against her temple. She could only watch, helpless, as her best friend was being manhandled out of the house.

Bambi couldn’t do anything either -weaponless- defenseless against these guys but she knew exactly why they were there. They were there to get her, to use her as a bargaining chip against Luke, just about the biggest cliché in the book. The small girl couldn’t help but wonder what they would do to her once they found out that she was useless, and no longer affiliated with the tall Australian. Would they put a bullet in her brain? Send her in a bag to the bottom of a lake?

However, the girl didn’t get much time to question or worry about this as the chloroform from the cloth weakened her as she was about the be thrown in the car, slumping against the man behind her, eyes closed, legs collapsing from beneath her, her consciousness slowly ebbing away into nothingness.

  By the time that the girl had woken up, her vision was blurry, and she was tied to a chair, her arms behind her, legs tied to an individual leg of said chair. She was in a warehouse that looked to be completely abandoned, a hole in the roof allowing cold air to waft about. It was freezing.

“Looks like sleeping beauty had woken up,” A scratchy masculine voice taunted at the small girl, standing tall in front of her, blocking her from seeing anything.

“What do you want from me?” Her voice was also scratchy, maybe from the chloroform, she wasn’t entirely sure. She still felt disorientated, barely keeping herself from staying upright as she looked at the man who stood above her, a sinister grin on his face.

“We don’t want anything from you, kid. We want your boyfriend’s head blown off his body.”

“I don’t,” Bambi cut herself off for a moment, coughing, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

The man above her scoffed, rolling his eyes as he looked back down at the girl again, “Don’t act like I’m stupid, princess. All you gotta do is phone him, and Hemmings will come rushing to save his little girlfriend.”

Tears gather in the girl’s eyes as the reality of the situation kicks in. It isn’t a dream, this was her real life. She didn’t want to be trapped like this, in this chair or this life. Luke didn’t care for her anymore, he hadn’t talked to her in weeks, why would he come and save her?

“He won’t come.”

“Don’t play me, princess. I’ve never seen Hemmings ever with a girl twice until you,” He pointed towards the girl, sneering ever so slightly, “You are the key to us getting his gang wiped off of the map. starting with Hemmings, then Clifford, then Hood and Irwin.”

Tears choked up the girl’s throat, her mouth opening as she thought of the fight that she had with him, then the weeks of not talking. The loneliness, the discord. Luke hadn’t bothered to reach out to her, to check that she was ok. Her head shook slightly as the strong emotions continued to arise, “He doesn’t love me anymore, it’s useless.”

The man’s hand gripped the edge of Bambi’s shirt lightly, his jaw clenching as he spoke harshly, spit flying out of his mouth as he threatened the young girl. The gun, which had loosely been held in the man’s hand was now pointed at her once more, “Didn’t ask for your fucking sob story, kid. Open your fucking phone and call him.”

Bambi was frozen in fear, it felt like ice was going through her veins as her phone was thrashed harshly into her shaking hand. At her hesitance to call him, the gun was pressed harshly into the skin of her ribcage as the man ordered again, this time with his words even more clipped, “Now.”

She knew the man wasn’t asking, it wasn’t even an order, it was a threat. This man was dangerous, and she was defenseless against him, if she even wanted a chance of survival she had to comply and hope that he prayed mercy on her and let her go when she realizes she isn’t of use. Shakily, the girl found Luke’s contact, swallowing back her tears, she pressed the call button.

It was silent in the big room in the warehouse other than the few rings the phone made out as the man made her put the phone on speaker. Surprisingly, only a few moments of the phone ringing, it stopped, connecting onto the call with the tall Australian himself.

“Hello?” Luke’s voice sounded out and the girl felt the tears begin to roll down her cheeks at the sound of his voice. It was familiar, it felt like home but at the same time, she felt her stomach clench. His voice was surprisingly soft, the only indication that Luke knew that it was his Bambi calling.

She knew that he had been expecting her to call most likely. She just wished it hadn’t happened like this. She opened her mouth to talk, but the words didn’t form as the tears fell harder, his voice sounding through once more, this time sounding more concerned, “Bambi? What is it?”

“Luke I-” She cut herself off, forcing her sobs to stay silent as she felt the man press the gun against her in annoyance, rolling his eyes before stealing the phone out of the girl’s hand.

“Hemmings, you know when I found out you had a new girlfriend I didn’t think she’d be quite as soft as this,” The man taunted as he stared down at the girl in front of him, “She’s not your usual type, is she? Where’d you find this one?”

“What do you want, Andrews?”

“I want you to meet me at the warehouse, you know the one I’m sure,” The man had rolled his eyes, not that Luke could have seen and a smirk rose to his face, “I’d tell you to come alone without any weapons but I won’t. Bring Hood, Clifford, Irwin, I don’t care. I can just wipe out you all at the same time.”

It was silent for a moment, “What makes you think I will?”

“Because if you don’t I’ll make sure the next time you see your little love she’ll have a bullet in her head. Wouldn’t want me to mess up her pretty little face, would you?” He looked back at the smaller girl again, sending her a malicious smile that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up, “You have an hour, Hemmings.”

With that, the man hung up, tossing the girl’s phone to the floor and crushing it swiftly with the heel of his shoe.

The next hour was taunting for the small girl. The man didn’t leave her side, almost as if he was afraid that she would escape. At that time, she tried to distract herself with anything, but the cold warehouse was bare apart from the chair she was stuck to and the clock that stood high on the wall in front of her, taunting her almost.

The time slowly went by, and the girl lost hope. Luke wasn’t coming for her. Soon enough, the clock struck the time that would have been an hour past the phone call. Then another ten minutes passed. Another five.

“He isn’t coming,” The girl had spoken up to the man, which most definitely wasn’t the smartest thing.

The man continued to look straight forward, scoffing, “Shut up girl. He will.”

He seemed so assured of himself, of Luke. For a man that hated Luke so much, he seemed to have a lot of faith in him. The silence, which had yet again filled up the room was broken by the sound of someone talking through the radio, yet it was too broken up to hear.

The man took the radio off of the side of his pants, holding it up to his face, “Jason? Tyson? Can anyone hear me?”

Only more crackling sounds were heard until it faded off into silence. The man’s face twisted into a scowl as he cursed under his breath, getting his gun out and marching towards the door. He wasn’t very smart, clearly, leaving the girl unguarded and alone; she was all of the leverage he had against Luke.

The sound of gunshots made the girl flinch, eyes screwing shut as she began to shake. She didn’t want to be here. She just wanted to be home, in her bed. Not Anna’s guest bedroom, but her own. She couldn’t deal with this anymore.

The fighting got louder and louder until she heard someone battering right against the walls of the room she was in. The door heaved open, but she couldn’t find it in herself to open her eyes, too petrified of who could be there if she did. Hands pressed against her skin as she jumped, trying to fight them away but to no avail as they untied her bound legs.

“Bambi,” The man breathed out, and suddenly the smell of a familiar cologne clung to Bambi’s nostrils, her tears going thicker.

Her eyes opened to find Luke in front of her, crouched down, throwing the rope away that she had been tied to. She threw herself into his arms, hands going around his neck, one hand in his curls. He held onto her like he was scared she was going to evaporate right between his arms, holding her close against his body.

“It’s alright dove, I’ve got you,” He whispered, trying his best to comfort the sobbing girl in his arms. His eyes were closed, thankful to have the girl back in his embrace, and had no plan to let go of her anytime soon, “I got you.”

Calum, Ashton, and Michael had covered his back, successfully eliminating all of the threats as he had raced to get his girl, to have her safe with him once more. They had entered the room to see their best friend crouched down, practically encasing the smaller girl in his arms as she cried, him comforting her. They deserved their privacy, even after everything that had gone on, but they knew they needed to get out of here soon.

The girl’s tears subsided for a moment as she pulled away from the man, eyes darting around and voice panicky, “You need to find Anna, she was-”

“I know, she called me. She’s safe. We’ve been trying to figure out a plan to get you back for three hours now baby,” After his reassurance, he used the hand that was on the back of her head to push her towards him slightly, kissing her forehead as he played with her hair.

Soon enough, he has his leather jacket off, leaving him in only his black button-up, splaying the jacket across her shoulders to keep her warm. The drive back to their condo is silent, but that’s exactly how it should be. Luke doesn’t take his hand away from Bambi for the entire ride, despite how dangerous it could be. He just wants to remind himself that she’s there; back in his arms.

Luke had to admit, the condo felt warmer now that she was back in it. She sat on the counter in the bathroom, hand holding onto Luke’s as if it was her lifeline as he ran them both a bath, helping her strip down and get into the bath before sliding in behind her, pulling her against him.

Bambi basked in the warmth that both the water and the person behind her gave her. They barely talked for the first ten minutes, enjoying the comfort that the silence brings with it.

“I love you,” Luke murmured, pressing a kiss against her shoulder, stubbly beard itching her shoulder.

“I love you too, Lu,” The girl twisted around to face the man, pressing her lips against his, bubble-covered hand getting bubbles on his face. She doesn’t mention the beard, far too tired to make unnecessary conversation. She, however, noticed the guilty and solemn expression on her boyfriend’s face, quietly stating, “It’s not your fault, you know.”

“I should’ve protected you,” He whispered, hand reaching up to cradle her cheek, softly tracing patterns on her cheek with his thumb.

“No, you were giving me space, as I wanted. You were being respectful of my boundaries, and I love you for that.”

“It put you in danger, Bambi,” His hand that was around her waist pulled her closer when he said that, “I’ll do better, I promise. I’ll protect you.”

“No, Lu. You can’t protect me forever,” The girl said, kissing him on the cheek before speaking again, eyes never moving from the gaze that she held with the blue-eyed man, “I wanna drive, go out by myself without Jacob. I wanna go to the club-”

“Absolutely not,” Luke scoffed, shaking his head, his protective side of the smaller girl coming out.

“Luke,”

She looked up at him, head tilted slightly to the side with an eyebrow raised. He stared down at her, holding his ground before he looked away, letting out a slightly exasperated and breathy laugh, “Fine. But you only go to the club with me and you never leave my side. And you’re taking boxing classes. MMA, whatever. I’m teaching you how to fight. You need to tell me where you’re going at all times and sometimes let Jacob drive you but you still need to leave when low-level gang members are here-”

“Luke.”

“Fine. But you need to keep your distance from them, ok?”

The girl smiled beamingly, kissing him on the lips. She knew that from a protective boyfriend like Luke, that was the best that she was going to get, “Thanks babe, love you!”

Luke grumbled something lightly that sounded like ‘yeah, love you too’ as he rolled his eyes, the girl starting to clamber out of the bath. Her hands were starting to wrinkle due to the water, showing her that she needed to get out. However, she nearly slipped, thankfully being held back by her boyfriend, who helped her get out safely.

Slipping a towel over her body, she sent her boyfriend a sheepish smile, “How’re you expected to defend yourself at the club if you can’t even get out the bath, Bambi?”

“Oh shut it, Lu,” The girl laughed, making the blond’s face crack out into a small smile, “You coming or what?”

“Yeah yeah, give me a minute,” With that, the girl left, leaving the man to shake his head with a smile on his face. They were both back, with each other, where they belonged.

[bjornswoman]

Toxic I

Requested by none.

Author's note: Hey guys! First of all, thank you for your support. As for this, it was supposed to be one-shot, but there is going to be a part two. Stay tuned, thank you for reading this and have a nice day!

Pairing: Modern!Ivar x Reader

Genre: Modern!au, smut, angst, drama.

Summary: You and your ex end things.

Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, strong language, cheating, a little bit of jealousy.

Part two

"And do you know what's the worst part? The worst part is that instead of hating you, I am hating myself! Because I still fucking believe that you are a good person! When you clearly aren't!"

"I am not a good person, right, (Y/N)? And you? What about you? You are a good person right? If you believe that, you are wrong! You are as evil and bad person as I am! We are the same and you can't do nothing about it! Admit it, my love, you are as ruined as I am!"

"You are the worst person I have ever met, Ivar! I don't even want to look at you! How could I even let myself trusting you? Falling in love with you? What a fool I am!"

"Falling in love with me? If you call this love, then clearly you don't know what love means, (Y/N)!"

"Oh right! And you do know, don't you? You know everything! You are always right! You don't know what's love either! How could you, you have never loved anyone!"

"Don't fucking turn your back on me when you are talking, woman! Don't you dare to leave! I haven't spoke my last word!"

"Fuck off! You are the one who always says the last word, the conversations end when you decide, but not this one! I don't want to hear anything! We are fucking done! I can't stand you, Ivar! I just can't......"

You left after that, but there were night that you wished you had stayed. Maybe if you did had stayed, you would be his wife now and not that bitch. Her name was Freydis or something. She was the most fake person you had ever met. She was beautiful but fake and that meant a lot of things for her. She was happy with her rich husband. Actually, wealth was the only think whick made her happy. She didn't care about Ivar, he was the last thing she cared about, when he seemed to love her.

You were both happy and angry about this. That woman clearly didn't love him, but he loved her. You were happy that he had found a woman to really love. You knew that whatever it was between you wouldn't work out. You had always been fighting for nothing. He was overreacting about men being around and the same you did about women around him.

His words were true. You were the same, that was the main reason a relationship between you would never been healthy. That didn't mean that you there wasn't love. You loved him and he loved you, but you were so alike to make it work. Both of you so bloody stubborn and short-tempered. In that house of yours every day were setting a battle between Ivar and you. Most of the times he was the one who decided that it had to be finished. He was worse than you, that was true, but you were bad yourself.

You were married too. Your husband was a good man and a successful businessman. So a deal between Ivar and Erik, your husband, was something that happened and you hadn't seen it coming.

Now you were having dinner with him and his wife at some restaurant, acting like you don't know each other. His piercing blue eyes glanced over at you sometimes and you did the same thing. He looked older, obviously, there were two years from your last time together. His hair was longer than before and his body seemed stronger.

Your eyes stuck somewhere after a while. It was Freydis' round belly. Your eyes widened and your husband along with Ivar noticed. That annoying smirk formed on his face. He knew exactly what you were thinking. You were jealous because he impregnated Freydis and not you. In fact, he had told you that due to his deformity he was unable of having children of his own, but you were the one who told him that this was possible.

"What is it (Y/N)?" Erik asked and you cleared your throat ready to talk. You didn't want to sound all surprised or something. You just wanted them to think that you were just happy. You truly were, but jealousy was the other feeling you had inside you and was eating you alive. You couldn't deny its existence, if you did, you would lie only to yourself, because from the way Ivar was staring at you, you knew too well that he knew how you were feeling as well.

"You are with child! Congratulations!" You said happily and she smiled. She caressed her round belly and Ivar did the same. That move was the one which hurt you the most. "How far are you?" You asked her, but she didn't even opened her name to respond, Ivar was the one who answered you.

"We are on the sixth month." He said all happy and kept staring at you. "What about you? Do have or want to have children?" He asked. You let Erik answer this. He knew your answer. You had told him about this a long time ago.

"Unfortunately, Gods haven't blessed us with a child yet, but both me and my wife, (Y/N) want a child." He said and pulled you closer by your waist and kissed your neck. That was something who didn't went unnoticed by Ivar. He didn't like that movement, you could say. His jaw clenched, but the smirk didn't fade away from his face.

"I hope Frigg bless you with a child!" Freydis exclaimed with a fake smile on her face. You smiled back and caressed your husband's hand. Ivar wasn't pleased by this, but he had to understand that you didn't belong to him. You didn't belong to anyone. You were an independent woman.

"When the Gods think that we are ready the child will come." You spoke and lifted your glass to drink some of your drink, but it was empty. You smiled at all of them and turned to your husband. "I will go buy myself a drink, do you what one?" You asked and he shook his head, meaning that he didn't want a drink and you stood up. You walked to the bar, Ivar was following you. You hadn't noticed but you did when you saw him next to you. The bar was away from your table, so you could curse all you wanted.

When your eyes met his blue ones, they were already up on your figure, you rolled yours and turned to the bartender.

"Scotch without any rock for the Mr Lothbrok." You said looking at the confused face of the bartender.

"Lemonade vodka for Mrs Nelson." He spoke with his cold, stable voice. You turned to him with a smirk on your face.

"Actually, it's scotch on the rocks for me." You said, still looking at him.

"You didn't like scotch before. You used to drink vodka." He stated, placed a cigarette on his mouth and light it up with his favorite lighter. This specific one he loved the most. It was a gift from his mother.

"A lot of things has changed." You said and placed a cigarette on your lips as well, you didn't need to search for a lighter, he light it up for you. "For instance, now I am smoking as well. I didn't use to do that when we were together." You continued and inhaled the smoke of your cigarette. Then you exhaled and took your drink.

"Nah, I don't think so. I see the same stubborn woman, I knew back then. I bet that if I kissed you right now here, you would lean in me kiss." He said and you turned to face him. Who did he think he was? His words upset you, because they were true. Your body responded immediately to his touch, it craved his touch. Actually, you wanted him to touch you know, here. You didn't really care about anyone, but that round belly got you out of your filthy thoughts. That woman had his child inside her. You pushed him back angry and looked back at your table. Erik and Freydis were busy talking about whatever.

"You wouldn't dare." You warned him and that arrogant smile, that you secretly loved, formed on his face. He pulled you closer to him by your wrist. His mouth was inches away from your ear and his hot breath fell on your neck as he spoke.

"Is this a challenge or something?" He whispered to you and your body shivered. He enjoyed it. Probably, he loved seeing like that, loved seeing that he had still such a power on you, after your miserable wedding. You marriage was arranged. Your family needed money and Erik Nelson had a lot lf them. He was a good man and that year of your marriage were good, but you couldn't love him the way you loved Ivar. You could never love anyone else the way you loved him, neither you own husband.

You pulled away from him and tried to calm yourself down. The last thing you wanted was Erik to understand anything. He would start asking things and that would be unpleasant for both of you. But neither Freydis should understand. She was pregnant.

"No, Ivar, it isn't. There are no ifs or challenges. Both of us are married to another people. Your wife is pregnant. You are having a deal with my husband. Things are already complicated Ivar, we don't have to confuse them even more." You started saying. A tear was about to be dropped from your eye. He seemed sad as well. He loved Freydis, she was his wife, the mother of his child, but you, you were the woman he loved more than any other. You would always have a place inside his heart. "What happened between us it was destined to fail. You had told me once that we are the same, that's true, we are and that's the main reason can't be together. We are toxic for each other." You said and wiped the tear awawy when it was dropped.

He didn't answer and that surprised you. Ivar had always had an answer for everything you said, but now nothing. You smiled at him and started walkimg again. His hand stopped you again. He pulled you closer to him and your back collided on his chest. His leaned down mis mouth was close to your ear.

"Meet me after this parody of a dinner and we will put an end on us." He whispered and you closed your eyes for a moment. This would never end for you, but you would meet him.

"Fine." You whispered and both of returned to that table.

When you sat down on your chair your husband's hand wrapped around your waist and his lips left a soft kiss on your cheek. You weren't affected by that. The only thing you could think at that moment, was what would happen after this.

"I got worried about you." Erik said and you rolled your eyes. He was flirting with Freydis. He flirted with any woman, but you didn't really cared being cheated by him. You wouldn't give him the child he wanted it. Your life was miserable and a child would be miserable too and that would be unfair for this kid. He was nothing but good to you, but that wasn't enough for you to love him. You couldn't help your feelings for Ivar. You couldn't make them disappear.

"There were many people waiting for drinks so me and Mr Lothbrok were late." You said looking at Ivar. He was talking with his wife, caressing her belly. Your gaze returned to Erik. He had understood that something was bothering you, but you started talking before he ask. "I am not feeling so well. Can we just go home, Erik?" You asked him and he looked through your eyes. He could sense that something was odd with you and he didn't want to ask anything more than what he already knew.

"We will." He whispered to you and turned to Ivar and Freydis. They were already watching you. Erik had this smile that he had always wore on his face. "(Y/N) isn't feeling alright. I hope you understand that we have to leave. Excuse us, Ivar." He spoke and Ivar's blue eyes met with yours.

"Yes, totally. Erik we will be in touch." He said and all of you stood up. Freydis started walking infront of all of you and Erik followed. "Meet me in an hour where we met for first time." Ivar whispered to you when you walked infront of him. You just nodded and left with your husband.

-------------------------------------------------------

When you reached the place, you found him there. He was sitting on a rock and smoking. That reminded you of the old times. You had always found him like this back then.

"You are late, as always." He spoke and threw the cigarette away. He was about to stood up but you stopped him. You sat down next to him. "Your husband is a fool." He said and you turned to face him angry.

"Don't call him that! He is a good man and I feel enough guilty because I lied to him just to meet you." You said and he laughed. That laughter was music to your ears. You missed that. But that laughter meant to mock your husband, so you wouldn't let him see that you liked it.

"It's so easy to lie to him, (Y/N). I told you he is a fool and don't get angry, it's just fact." He stated. He said all of that just to piss you off and he succeeded.

"Anyway, we didn't meet here to talk about Erik. In fact, you told me to meet you here and I came. What is it, Ivar?" You asked, looking at him now. He didn't know how to start, there were so much to be told.

"That night you didn't really stayed to listen what I wanted to tell you." He started and you felt that your mouth was dried. You didn't want to remember that night. It was painful for you. "You told me that I had never loved anyone, but that's not true. I loved you. I was going to tell you, but you never cared to listened to me, (Y/N). You were the only woman I had ever loved. And, as everyone else, you left me because obviously you didn't feel the same thing." He said coldly and you narrowed your eyes. That wasn't true.

"What are you saying?! I did and I fucking do love you even now!" You yelled and stood up fro the rock. You turned your back at him and you placed your hand on your head. He stood up as well. You could feel him right behind you.

The hand of his that didn't hold the scratch, turned you to face you and pulled you closer. You didn't dare to look at him.

"(Y/N) look at me!" He ordered and you obeyed. "Say what tou said before again." He said, but you didn't open your mouth. "Fucking say it!" He yelled.

"I said that I still fucking love you, Ivar." You confessed again and he smiled. He guided his lips on yours. That shocked you, but you leaned in his kiss. You missed the sense of his lips on yours. He was biting your lips hungrily and his hand was pressing your body to his. His grip there was strong and he hurt you a little bit, but you didn't mind. "Why did you do that?" You whispered trying to catch your breath when you pulled away. He didn't let you escape from his strong grip, so your body stayed trapped to him.

"Because I love you too." He said and leaned closer to kiss you again, but you didn't let him kiss you. Ivar looked at you, frowned out of confusion.

"We can't do that, Ivar. You are married and your wife is pregnant and I am married as well." You said, but he didn't seem to care about all that.

"I told you after this night we are done forever. So, let me enjoy this night (Y/N)." He said and pressed his lips on yours again. You didn't resist you let him kiss you. This time his tongue started playing games with yours. His hand that gripped your waist, placed on your hip and squeezed it. You moaned within your kiss and he smiled. "Let's go down there as the old times." He said and you followed him. There was a beach. It was peaceful there. You used to go there all the time when you were together.

You laid down on the sand and he came on top of you. He started letting little kissed, that became little marks after a while. Your moans because of him, drove him crazy. He stopped the contact between your neck and his mouth only to get rid of your shirt and your bra. After this, his attention was on your breasts. One of his hands cupped one of your breasts and the other was attacked by his mouth. You felt really wet and you couldn't help it. Only Ivar could make you feel like that. Your own hands started unbuttoning his black shirt and you took it off his body.

Your eyes fell on his tattooed torso. He covered in tattoos. Your hands started touching his body and he continued doing what he was doing.

"Ahhh, I can't.... Ivar...... I need you....." You said with your moans and he smiled. His skilled hands moved to your jean skirt and he took it off your body along with your panties.

You groaned when his fingers touched your inner thighs and started circling them. Without any warning, his fingers entered you and you screamed him name. His fingers were moving rough and fast inside you and you were moaning louder than before. Your hands forned fists and trapped inside them sand.

"If you continue that way, I will cum on your fingers." You said and he continued what he was doing, but this time his finger moved even faster than before. You couldn't keep yourself anymore. Your walls clenched around his fingers. "Fuck....." You screamed when you realeased yourself on his fingers. He placed his fingers on his mouth and licked your juices. You tried to catch your breath, but he didn't let you because his hands unzipped his pants and took them off along with his boxers. He stroked his member twice before he take place between your legs.

He pushed himself inside you and you growled. He moved fast inside you and that hurt you, because you weren't used with his size. Each time his thrusts were deeper and stronger. You feeled that he was touching you core. You were moaning each time he was pushing himself inside you and he was growling.

"Tell me how good I fill you." He said and you looked at his blue eyes. You tried to catch your breath for a while and answer but that wasn't possible at that moment.

"You....... a-are...... the-the best." You moaned loud and he started laughing. "Fuck....... I-I... can't......" You muttered and he moved rougher inside you. "I'm..... coming....." You announced and you you squeezed around himself. Ivar groaned. "Ivar!" You screamed when you left yourself released around him.

"Fuck, (Y/N)." He growled and pulled himself out of you. Your sweaty body was covered in sand. Your body was covered in purple marks, as well, from his strong hands or scratches and you neck had some hickeys. He laid on sand next to you and turned to look at you, as you were trying to find your breath. "Come on, woman, ride me." He spoke and you did as he said. You tried not to harm his legs. You had this fear that you would hurt him and you didn't want that. You had always been afraid of that. "Move!" He growled and your movements became faster. Your were on top of him, but he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to feel you again. His hands grabbed you hips firmly and pushed you down to him. He thrusted roughly inside you and you groaned. You started moving your body up and down. His hands were hurting your bruised hips, but you didn't care.

"Ivar...... Ahh, Ivar!" You screamed, when the thrusts of his were rougher and faster inside you and hit your core. Your second release was close and his first too. You clenched around him and he squeezed your hips tighter. "I......... I...... can't.........." You moaned, as you released around him. You closed your eyes tightly and he kept thrusting in you, until it was time for his release. His hot seed filled your walls.

You opened your eyes and found him gazing at the night sky. It was a starry night. He pulled out of you. You got off him and laid down on the sand. You were a mess. Your body was hurting.

As he said, after all this, he put an end on you. Or not?

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius

[fettsvette]

Comfort Care

Your monthly visitor has you feeling miserable, and Jango wants to take care of you.

Pairing: Jango Fett x Reader Words: 2.2k Rating: Teen Warnings: Mentions of menstruation and sex

Can be found on Archive of Our Own here.

  Mando’a terminology

  cyare - beloved

 mesh’la - beautiful

keldabe - affectionate headbutt/forehead press

manda - Mandalorian spiritual concept/version of the afterlife, and/or collective soul of the Mandalorian people

    -

  “I’m back, cyare. ”

  The bedroom door cracked open and whitish light from the hallway flooded in, causing you to wince and hunker down further into the nest of blankets you had built for yourself, the only reprieve from the blast of brightness being the form of your lover standing in the doorway, solid and sure. Jango Fett padded further into your shared bedroom, still in his armor, his head cocked quizzically. This wasn’t your normal reaction to his greeting after being away on so long of a hunt. He’d been anticipating a cry of surprise, followed by you leaping into his arms at a full run to pepper him with kisses. Instead, he’d been hailed with a vague stirring of blankets, and a quiet grunt, although he wasn’t sure if you’d made that noise, or if it had been the door creaking.

  “Are you alright, love? I expected a better welcome than that, I’ve been gone for almost a month.” Jango questioned, trying to hide the concern in his voice. He was surprised to find you already in bed at this hour, especially when he’d sent a messenger droid ahead of the Slave I to alert you that he was on his way back to you. His question was met with another grunt - yes, it had definitely been you, not the door - and he stifled a chuckle at the sound as he moved towards you, his helmet tucked under his arm. He suddenly had a feeling of what may be ailing you, based on how long it had been since he’d left, and he had to admit that your theatrics concerning this particular subject always amused him.

  “Everything hurts and I’m dying .” You retorted grumpily, gingerly rising to a sitting position in the bed and grimacing as you were hit with another wave of cramps in your lower belly and groin. Your cycle had just started earlier in the evening, and while you had been anticipating Jango’s arrival home from Ord Mantell for some time now, and knew he was due to return thanks to the messenger he had sent, you were exhausted and had wanted nothing more than to curl up in your bed and sleep off the worst of the cramping. Jango would be there when you awoke in the morning, and hopefully you would be feeling better at that point in time. But now here he was, in the middle of the night, bursting into your bedroom and jarring you from your rest. There was no way you could be upset with him, though; you’d missed him dearly while he way away, worried over him constantly while he tracked down his bounty - a Bith musician who’d tried to exit his lifetime performing contract with a Falleen nobleman a bit early - and now, as you gazed pathetically at him from your spot in the bed, the slight quirk of his lips and arch of his eyebrows made your heart ache for him.

  Jango’s brows lifted at your whining, and he nodded curtly, almost to himself. You didn’t know how, but sometimes you thought he knew you better than you knew yourself.

  “Ah, I see… I had a feeling that an unwelcome visitor had just dropped by. I can assure you that you’re not dying, though. What do you need of me, mesh’la ?” Jango asked, the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile even further, and you felt yourself flush at the soft rasp of his voice. You knew he was implying either of two things, perhaps both - a bit of tender care and company in your afflicted state, or something of a more carnal nature. Jango didn’t mind having sex when you had your period - if anything he seemed to enjoy how much more sensitive and hot and slick you were, and he took pride in the fact that he could make you feel so much better just by fucking you - but he’d been gone for so long, and you were grouchy and tired, and all you wanted was to feel safe in his embrace, more than anything else.

  “Take care of me?” You asked softly, pulling the blankets up around your chin and giving your lover what you hoped was your best pleading expression. You heard just how pathetic and needy your voice sounded, but you didn’t care - you knew that Jango loved taking care of you, and you adored just how gently he could treat you, especially after having just returned from a hunt. Jango’s expression softened further as soon as the words left your mouth, and your heart skipped a beat. Your begging had the desired effect after all. 

“ As you wish . I’ll be right back, darling. Let me get this armor off and jump in the sonic, I don’t think you want me sharing your bed when I’m this sweaty.” He gave you a mock bow that made you giggle, and stepped back out into the hall, looking back over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner to the refresher and giving you a coy wink. You heard the familiar clunking sounds of his Mandalorian armor being deposited on the closet floor shortly afterwards, followed by the soothing vibrations of the sonic shower in the adjacent room. You reclined against the pillows once more, trying to ignore the contracting muscles in your abdomen, and waited for your love to rejoin you, anticipating feeling his arms around you.

  This man you had built a life with was one of the most feared bounty hunters in the galaxy, and you couldn’t believe just how threatening and terrifying and downright mean he could appear when he needed to, but the quiet strength he exuded when the two of you were alone was such a comfort. You couldn’t believe how lucky you were to have this secret side of Jango Fett all to yourself, and you never planned to take it for granted.

  -

  “Room service…” You hadn’t even realized you’d dozed off until the call and soft knock came from the doorway, and you sat back up, grinning at your lover’s snide comment. Jango stepped back into your bedroom, nudging the door open with his foot and carrying two clay mugs and a piping hot carafe of something that smelled absolutely delicious. You couldn’t help but perk up when you realized it was your favorite warm drink, Deychin tea. There hadn’t been any in the flat when you’d last checked, and your heart flipped in your chest when you realized he must have picked some up for you while he was away. Jango seemed to be the only one who knew how to prepare it exactly the way you liked it, anyway. You thankfully took the mug after he’d poured some tea for you, blowing on the liquid and taking a small sip, humming delightedly to yourself as you felt the warmth spread down into your belly, and throughout your body. Jango sat on the bed next to you and poured himself a cup, taking several sips himself before placing the carafe and mug on the nightstand. You took a moment to drink him in - his close-cropped curls, those dark eyes, the hard set of his jaw, the scars that freckled his skin. All these years later, and he was still the most ruggedly handsome man you’d ever seen in your life. He was dressed comfortably in a simple woven tunic that dipped to expose his broad chest, and a pair of worn grey sweatpants slung low around his hips, and you shivered from desire despite yourself. You really didn’t know how you’d managed to bag such a gorgeous specimen of a man, yet here he was. 

  “My poor girl…” Jango cooed softly, the teasing tone in his voice not unnoticed, and you leaned your head down to bump against his shoulder like a felinx desiring a scratch behind the ears from its owner. He laughed at your antics, a low rumble that always sent a delicious chill up your spine, and turned to face you, plucking the mug from your hands and setting it on the table next to his own. Without another word, he pulled back the blankets and settled himself underneath them next to you, and slung one muscular arm around your shoulders, guiding you to lay your head against his chest, which you did gladly. You sighed contentedly at the heat Jango always seemed to radiate, and reached up to intertwine your fingers with his over your shoulder, smiling to yourself at just how small he made you feel, his hand in yours. His fingers were scarred and rough after years of working with weaponry and fixing machinery, but you loved how reassuring they felt against your skin. Jango cupped his other hand against your cheek briefly as you made yourself comfortable against him, then trailed it down to rest against your lower belly, directly over your uterus, and gently kneaded the soft flesh there. 

  You couldn’t help but let out a satisfied groan at the warmth radiating from his hand through to the cramping muscles, as well as the pressure his deft fingers applied to the aching area, and you relaxed further into him, feeling like putty in his arms. You lifted your chin to look into his eyes, and were met by that same searching, brooding expression, his lips slightly pursed in a quiet smirk, and Jango leaned forward to capture your mouth in his, never once ceasing his ministrations as he kissed you, only breaking away to leave a trail of them against your cheek, the tip of your nose, and your forehead, followed by a proper keldabe that ended too soon for your liking.

  Your face felt hot where his stubble had brushed against your skin, and you relished in the knowledge that you’d be able to feel the ghost of his kisses for hours afterwards. Jango released his other hand from your grasp and circled it around your waist, hugging you closer to him and turning you so that you laid on your side, pressed against his abdomen. You winced slightly as the change of position and the absence of his hand against your tummy ignited another volley of cramps, but once you were pressed firmly against his body, the heat coming off him in waves was more than enough to sate your aches and pains. 

  “That’s my good girl, letting me take care of you like this…” Jango rumbled affectionately, and you whined softly in response at his praise, burying your face against his tunic and wrapping your arm around his waist, hastily throwing one leg over his own for good measure. Jango let out a small ‘ oof ’ at your unexpected cuddle, tensing for a moment as he adjusted to your grip on him, but quickly chuckled and hugged you tighter. He adored just how needy you could be for him sometimes, especially after he’d been away for a lengthy period of time, or when you weren’t feeling well. 

  “Are you feeling a bit better now that I’m here, my love?” Jango whispered against your hair, and you swore you could feel him smiling against you. His smiles were so rare, so beautiful, and it made your heart ache to know that you were the cause of the sheepish grin you knew crossed his normally stern features. You wanted to sit up, hold that face between your hands and kiss his lips so deeply, so earnestly, but you were much too tired to make the effort, and knew your man would be there in the morning when you woke up. You always stirred after dawn broke to the feeling of Jango’s arms around you, if you were fortunate enough to have him home with you.

  “You have no idea, Jango. Thank you…” You murmured sleepily, nuzzling your nose against his collarbone and sighing blissfully as Jango’s long fingers carded through your hair, his free hand smoothing up and down the curve of your back, tracing patterns over the thin material of your sleep shirt. It wasn’t long before the steady, strong rhythm of Jango’s heartbeat, as well as the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek, helped you drift off into a deep sleep, your fist still clutching at the soft material of his shirt, your face hidden in the crook of his neck.

  As Jango watched you sleep, he felt a surge of affection for you make its way through his body. He didn’t think he would ever truly understand why you loved him so deeply after all he’d done in his career, why you were so comforted by his touch or mere presence alone, but the way you looked now, asleep and completely at peace in his arms after such a fitful start to your evening, offered the realization that maybe he didn’t have to understand. He loved you something fierce, and you loved him desperately in return, despite everything, and perhaps that would always be enough. 

  Jango Fett leaned his cheek against the crown of your hair and sent a whispered prayer of thanks to the manda for allowing him to come home safely to you, time and time again.

  Thank the stars for small favors.

[duskholland]

The Fame Game (Part Nine) - Tom Holland

Summary ↠ Breaking up is hard. But breaking up with your fake boyfriend, with whom you’ve fallen irrevocably and painfully in love with? It’s almost impossible.

Warnings ↠ Angst, Y/N’s being stubborn but can we blame her? Cursing and crying. All the good stuff. 

Word count ↠ 5.2k

A/N ↠ This part? Emotional rollercoaster and a half. We’re almost at the end of the story, though! :((( Only part ten and the epilogue to go, and I am not okay. Crazy crazy crazy. Anyway, buckle in and enjoy part nine :)

NINE: Expiration Date (Y)

It’s raining in London. Tracks of grey, miserable water stream down the dirty window, obscuring the view of the city beyond. Your fingers are cold as you hold a mug of stale tea, the liquid pale and long-past its best. You’d poured it an hour ago, intending to throw it back and pull yourself out of your stupor, but you’d failed.

Today is the end of your relationship with Tom - the expiration date, as your team likes to call it. In a move of obscene pathetic fallacy, the weather curled across London seems to emanate your innermost thoughts. It’s cloudy and grey, darkness settled across the sky. In the distance, the clouds grow blacker, and a part of you wonders if it’ll thunder later.

You feel a tear slip from one of your eyes, and the warm line traces down your cheek as you sniffle. With slow movements, you finally put down the mug, crossing your arms over your chest as you continue to stare out of the window, vacantly. You’re in your London flat, your belongings in boxes around you. With the conclusion of a final filming project comes the end of your lease, and when you leave London tonight on a plane, you leave behind your flat, your job, and your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend.

Your fake boyfriend, who sometimes acts like your real boyfriend, but has made it all too clear that he is only, only, only your fake boyfriend.

A scowl springs out across your face, and your fingers curl into fists at your sides.

You thought you’d been hurt by Tom before. For years, you’ve felt anger towards him - resentment, irritation, burning frustration. You’ve cursed him out on countless occasions, publicly denounced him, and watched on as he’s returned every move you’ve made against him with equal ferocity. At almost every given opportunity, Tom has launched blow after blow at you, but you’d taken it. You had accepted that that was just your relationship - that sometimes two people don’t get along, and sometimes they thrive off irritating the other. His insults didn’t touch you - not really, not like this. They’d riled you up and they’d made you seethe, but they were just insults - just empty, irritating insults, which you’d returned with a smile on your face. But now…

For the first time, Tom Holland has actually broken your heart.

It’s painful when you think about him, as you cast your mind back to your last day together. You’d been so excited, so hopeful, when you’d turned up at his place in LA, and as he’d laid you down and you’d held one another, you’d felt the love you have for him grow. Each time he’d kissed you, you felt your love deepen. Each pass of his hands over your skin made your heart race, your mind shake. You’d been waiting on the right time to open your mouth, say the three golden words, and then propose giving your relationship a real shot, only for Tom to jump the gun and tell you that he, in fact, loved you.

To have Tom stand opposite you and tell you that he loves you - only to immediately follow it up with a retraction - has shattered you. You can’t stop thinking about the moment that you’d let yourself believe, for one brief, shocking second, that Tom reciprocated your love - that Tom had softened out, and grown to love you, too. His words had knocked you off-guard, but fuck, if they weren’t the sweetest three words you’d ever heard. You’d been fully prepared to drop everything and jump into his arms, only for him to add--

“No… Wait, no.”

You are upset. You are so fucking angry. You are a whirlwind of tears and clenched fists and stiff jaws. The more you contemplate it, the hollower you feel. You have never known heartbreak as pronounced as this.

You hate the power that you’ve given Tom. Hate that you’d walked straight into this, eyes open. You can’t even blame it on blind infatuation, because you’d been aware at every moment how dangerous your budding feelings were, just you’d chosen to ignore the warning signals, too distracted by Tom’s easy smile and his kisses. You hate that you let him break your heart, hate that he’s emerged from this unscathed when you feel the weakest you’ve ever been.

But above all, you hate that you don’t hate him. It would be so easy to slip back into old habits, to return to that blind, festering hatred that used to roar through your veins at the mere mention of his name. You can’t return to that, and every time you try to drum up some anger towards Tom, you’re instead reminded of how nice, and funny, and sweet he can be.

You release a shaky breath. It’s your expiration date, today. All that’s left of your relationship is a visit to Tom’s house to collect your things, and a few pap photographs of you leaving his place, in pieces. There’s no doubt in your mind that the paparazzi will find it convincing: you’ve been a mess for days, your tears will be real. You’re full of apprehension and rattled nerves about seeing him again, about walking back into his house knowing it’ll be the last time and having to act like he hasn’t reached into your chest and ripped out your heart.

You are an actor, to your core, but your role within this relationship has been your hardest performance to date - and you have the sinking suspicion that not even you can pull off the denouement.

The paparazzi are already outside Tom’s as you walk down his front path, raindrops bouncing off your jacket. The flashes from their cameras illuminate the garden, and your eyes hurt as the light glints off the collection of small garden gnomes Harrison and Tom keep in front of their house. You’re quick to drum your knuckles on the front door, tugging on the chords of your hood and trying to shy away from the yelling journalists.

After what feels an eternity, the door is opened. Tom stares out at you, eyes widening as he takes in the pouring rain.

“Shit, it’s wet today, isn’t it?” He mutters, quickly moving aside. You hurry into the house, sighing contentedly as the warmth envelops you. You kick off your shoes, but your fingers are frozen solid and you can’t quite tug the zip of your coat. “Do you need help?”

You glance up, seeing Tom eyeing your shivering fingers as you try and fail to release the slippery zip. “Yeah,” you mutter, quickly glancing away. It’s not your intention to stay long, but you’re not so inconsiderate that you’d traipse through Tom’s entire house in a dripping jacket.

You stay very still as Tom steps forward, one of his hands holding the bottom of your jacket as the other goes up to the zip. His tongue slips out between his teeth, and a deep crease appears between his eyebrows as he grasps the zip and carefully tugs it down. A smile splits over his face, and you sigh as the coat releases.

“There you go.” Tom doesn’t stop there, though. He goes so far as to help you wiggle out of the jacket, and even hangs it up on the peg for you. The same peg you’d used when you’d stayed with him a few months ago. Your peg. “So.” Tom rocks back on his feet, looking at you through narrowed eyes. “Why haven’t you been answering my texts?”

You clear your throat, crossing your arms over your chest. “What?”

“Y/N.” Tom steps a little closer, his eyes wide with hurt. “My calls, too. I really needed to talk to you.”

“Sorry,” you fib. You’re not sorry, not even one bit. Every time you’d watched your phone go through to answerphone, you’d felt a little stronger. “I’ve been busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Oh, you know. Stuff.”

Tom frowns at you. “Well, I needed to talk to you.”

“Yeah, you said that.” You clear your throat, shaking out your arms as you try to lighten the air between you. You hadn’t meant to come into your last encounter with Tom with so much hostility on your shoulders, but being so close to him again makes your chest ache. “Sorry,” you mutter. “What did you want to talk about?”

Tom nods his head. “Well, it’s… It’s complicated.” Now he’s hesitant, with reluctance clinging to his features. You feel irritation stir inside as you watch him fluster. All you want to do is get this over and done with, so you can leave his house before you start crying again. You don’t want to drag this out.

“Well, can we talk about it as I pack my things?” You ask, your voice clipping a little at the edges.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Tom moves out of the way, letting you into the main body of the house. “What do they want us to do, again?”

You bite your lip as you see the photograph that hangs from the wall in the hallway. It’s new, and it shows you, Harrison and Tom, laying out together on one of their sofas. You remember the night well: Harry had taken the picture, teased Tom for the way he’d got you wrapped up in his arms and refused to let go for the duration of the scary film you were all watching. On your other side is Harrison, glaring at you and Tom, mock outrage on his face. It was a good night - near the end of your trip to London, back when things were better.

“Did they send you a box?” You say, voice vacant. You can’t stop looking at the photo, at the way Tom has his face buried in your neck. You look so happy. “They want me to put all my stuff in a box. Apparently, paps just need to see me leaving with all of my things, and then they’ll get the picture.”

“Pretty simple, then?” Tom drops down to his knees, beginning to rummage in the cupboard under the stairs until he procures a big red box. “This is the one they sent.” He passes it up to you. “Will that be big enough?”

“Yeah. I only have a few things here, I think.”

“Cool. Do you want to start upstairs?”

“Why not.”

You feel awkward as you slowly climb the staircase. The air between you is unsettled, and you can tell Tom’s hurt that you’re clearly less than enthused to be here. Part of you wants to soothe him, but the other part wants to run, run, run.

“Harrison not here?” You ask as you walk past his empty bedroom. You enter their spare room, which you’d been crashing in back when you’d stayed, and quickly start pulling out the odd book and bottle you’d left. Management had instructed you to leave a few things back when you’d left, and now you understand why.

“Nah, Liverpool,” Tom says. “It’s just me.” He sits on the edge of the bed, watching as you quickly pile everything into your box. “Look, Y/N, can we please talk?”

“I’m listening.”

“No, no.” Tom stands up, and you freeze as he reaches out for your arm. The second his warm fingers touch your skin, a lump comes to your throat. “I need to- we need to talk.” You stay completely still, closing your eyes as you feel him slide his hand up your arm. His palm rests on your shoulder, weighted and familiar, and the contact makes your heart pang.

“What do you want to talk about, Tom?” You ask, voice hoarse. You keep your eyes shut. The scent of his cologne is so familiar it brings back the tightness in your chest. You aren’t sure if you’re so upset because this is the last time you’ll be together, or if it has more to do with the fact that you can’t look at Tom without being reminded that he doesn’t love you.

“Come and sit down. I can make tea.”

You suck in a deep breath. “You know that I’m walking out of your house in ten minutes and probably never coming back again, yeah?” You mutter. “What’s so important that it deserves a cup of tea?”

Tom only chuckles, not seeming to mind the bitterness of your voice. “I’ll tell you. Over tea.” He squeezes your shoulder, and you finally open your eyes. Your vision swims with tears, but if he notices it, he doesn’t comment on it. “You can pack your stuff up here, and I’ll meet you in the living room. Okay?”

You nod. “Alright.”

You try to delay your conversation for as long as possible, which takes you on a short trip into Tom’s bedroom. In your defence, you don’t mean to snoop - you did, in fact, leave your favourite book on his desk - but you do also take the opportunity to have a little look around.

On Tom’s windowsill is a line of very dead plants, their leaves shrivelled and broken. You roll your eyes as you peer into the empty watering can, chuckling softly. Typical. On his desk is a pile of scripts, dog-eared and stained with the round marks of spilt tea, and crumpled clothes hang everywhere, shoved over various armrests and laying in heaps on the floor. Tom’s entire room is organised chaos.

What catches your eye, though, is the large shelf hammered into the wall. You’ve been in Tom’s room before, hell, you’d spent your last night in London in his bed, but you’d never taken the time to look up and examine this shelf. Settled in the middle of it, gathering dust, is Tom’s BAFTA. You sigh, and instinctively, you reach up and take it.

It’s heavy in your hands. You’ve felt it before, but you’d forgotten the weight of the blue glass trophy. When you’d last touched it, it’d been on the night of the show, and Tom had thrust it into your hands mockingly, making some flippant comment about it being a mark of his success. You’d immediately tossed it back at him, almost dropping it in the process, and shut him down with a snide remark.

Now, you run your thumbs over the award. The curves are smooth beneath your fingertips. You blink a few times, and two tears splash out onto the thing. As you rub them away, you take a deep, shuddering breath.

Pull yourself together, Y/N.

You swallow, and when you release a deep exhalation, you feel steadier. The award goes back to the shelf, and you pick up your box. Just ten more minutes. One conversation, one cup of tea, and ten more minutes. Then you can leave him behind.

How much can change in ten minutes, anyway?

There’s something melancholic about the way you find yourself sitting on Tom’s sofa, facing him again. You’re in the same position that you were in back when you’d customised your shoes together, before everything had gone to shit: you, leaning up against one armrest, Tom against the other, both of you with your legs outstretched and meeting in the middle. Tessa has staked her claim sitting on your feet, and as you sip nervously at your tea, you keep your eyes on her.

“So.” Tom’s fidgeting. If he’s not drumming his fingers over the ceramic of his mug, he’s picking at the strap of his watch. “I need to talk to you.”

You wince a smile. “Yeah, you keep saying that.” You take a sip of your tea. It’s still hot, and it burns the tip of your tongue, but part of you wants to down the whole thing just so you can leave. Being so close to him makes your chest sting.

Tom takes a deep breath. “I said something really stupid the last time we were together. I was… I was just going to leave it, but then I realised that doing that would be even more stupid,” he starts. Immediately, you feel yourself bristle. You can’t have this conversation again.

“We don’t need to talk about it, Tom,” you mutter. “What’s the point? I’m leaving soon.”

“Which is exactly why we need to talk about it, love.” Tom’s eyes are wide, a hint of desperation swirling in them. He sets his tea down on the coffee table and sits up straighter. “I didn’t mean it.”

You sigh, rubbing at your forehead as you feel another stab of pain in your chest. He’s really twisting the knife, now.

“I know,” you remind him. “You’ve already told me that you didn’t mean it.”

“No, no.” Tom shakes his head, running a hand through his curls. “No.” He’s visibly anxious, but you’re too perplexed to consider offering him any comfort. “I mean… I said I didn’t love you. Well, I said I loved you, and then I took it back.”

You release a sound somewhere between a whimper and a groan, and it brings on a fresh set of tears. “Yes, I remember, Tom.”

“Well, I was wrong.”

Very slowly, you look up at him. You put down the tea and bring your knees to your chest, staring at him through hard eyes.

“What?” You say, voice dull.

“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken it back.” “Tom.” You’re exasperated and confused. “What are you trying to say?”

“I love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.”

Your eyebrows pull together. “What?”

“I love you.” Tom’s lips quirk into a soft, warm smile. “And- And I know you probably don’t feel the same way, and you probably don’t want to hear it, but I had to tell you before you leave. You have to know how I actually feel.” He sits forward, and his foot nudges your knee. “I love you. I’m sorry for being a dick, I just… I panicked, I guess.”

Your brain feels like it’s running slow, wading miles behind the rest of you. You’ve spent so many days coming to terms with the fact that Tom doesn’t love you that the evidence for the contrary isn’t sinking in.

“What- but you said that you didn’t love me?” You puzzle.

“I was wrong.”

You look at him. You look at him long and hard. Your eyes dissect the soft smile on Tom’s lips, the eagerness in his eyes, and the blush on his cheeks.

You don’t believe him.

“How can you get something like that wrong?” You ask him, frazzled. “Tom, I- I don’t know if I can trust anything that you say.”

Tom raises an eyebrow. “So you want it to be true?”

“What? Shut up, this isn’t about me.” You have a lump in your throat. “Tom, this is- this is about you, not knowing how you feel.”

“But I do know how I feel. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you-”

“Stop.”

You can’t take it. With every repetition, it feels like Tom’s rubbing it in your face.

“Y/N?”

You stand up from the sofa, displacing Tessa who whimpers in response.

“You’re so cruel, Tom.”

Tom scrambles to his feet too, hopping as he regains his balance. He stands in front of you. “What? What do you mean?” His eyes are wide with hurt. “I’m being honest, Y/N. How is it cruel to love you?”

Tears form in your eyes.

“You don’t get to take it back. You… First, you said that you loved me. Do you… Do you know how happy that made me?” You screw your hands into fists, voice hoarse. “I thought, for a second, that you loved me. I really, really did. I thought that we could end this stupid thing and just be happy. But then, you turn around, and you take it back. You’re not allowed to take back a declaration of love, Tom. Do you know how- how crushing that was?”

“-But-”

“No, I’m talking.” The end of your nose tingles, and you reach up to brush the wetness from your cheeks. “You… You broke my heart, Tom. Because I-” You break off, and you meet his eyes. You speak directly to him. You finally bare your soul. “I love you, Tom. I fell in love with you, and so for you to turn around and take it back-” You break off, waving a hand through the air. “It broke my heart.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice is raw, and you watch as Tom rubs at his eyes. “I didn’t know, Y/N.”

“How am I supposed to believe you?” You look at the floor, vision blurry. “How am I supposed to believe that you aren’t going to turn around in two minutes and take it back again?” You rub at your arms. “Why do you get all of the power?”

Tom steps closer, but you just move away. “Y/N, please. I don’t want to hurt you. I would never, ever want to hurt you. I was confused, but I know now more than ever how I feel about you.”

“But you have hurt me, Tom,” you say, finally looking back at him. “Our entire relationship has been us hurting each other. Why should it be any different now?”

Tom clasps his hands together, his cheeks red and ruddy. “We both know it’s different now.”

“Is it?” You release a dim laugh. “Because I feel, just now, exactly as horrible as I used to feel when we’d argue, Tom. All we’ve ever done is hurt.”

“That’s the past.” Tom’s voice is picking up now, growing in strength. When he looks at you, you see his jaw flexing. “I’m sorry for the ways I’ve acted, Y/N, but I can’t change it now. All I can tell you is that you’ll be making a bad decision if you walk out of the door.”

“I have to.” It’s too much to process - too much to think about when Tom’s looking at you so desperately. This morning you’d woken up expecting an awkward visit and then a plane ride far, far away from him. This revelation upends all of that.

“No, you don’t.” Finally, you let Tom take your hands. He runs his thumbs over the back of your palms and you whimper. “Stay. Stay here with me. Fuck PR, fuck the paps. We can be together. We can love each other.” He smiles again, softly. “Let me love you. Please.”

It’s very tempting. As Tom holds your hands tightly and stares into your eyes, you want so desperately to cave. You want to throw yourself into his arms and tell him that you love him, that yes, yes, of course you’ll stay with him. But you think back to all the tears that you’ve shed, and you look at his face, and you’re reminded of the night at the BAFTAs when he’d thrust his polished trophy into your face and bragged about it. You think about all of the times he’s made moves against you and tried to trip you up. You think about your last day together, and how easily he’d retracted his statement.

How can he stand here in front of you, and ask you to forget about all of that so easily?

“I can’t.”

You step away from Tom and instead grab your big red box. You walk quickly into the hallway, your eyes full of hot tears. He follows.

“Yes, you can.”

You sit on the stairs and start lacing up your shoes, staring at Tom angrily.

“I can’t.” Your fingers shake as you tie your laces. “I have a flight. I have a life in LA that I need to get back to. This was never part of the plan, Tom. You’re my fake boyfriend. You aren’t supposed to be my real boyfriend.”

“But you love me.” Tom’s blocking your way, his biceps bulging from his black t-shirt as he stands in front of you desperately. “You told me. You said that you love me, Y/N, and I’m telling you that I love you too.”

“Love isn’t always enough, Tom.” It hurts to look at him, to think about how easily and foolishly he’s handled your heart. “Let me go.”

“Love can be enough.” It’s his final attempt; you can see it in his eyes. “Don’t let us end like this, Y/N. Please.” He takes your hand, bringing your knuckles to his lips. His mouth moves over your skin, dropping kisses to your cold skin.

You feel trapped. You know the car is waiting outside, and it’s all come on too fast, too soon.

“Tom,” you say. You pull your hand from his grasp. “Let me go.”

Tom steps aside. He finally slumps against the wall, pressing his head into his hands. “Is this what you really want?” His voice is raw, broken, and his eyes are red.

You tug your soaking jacket from the peg on the wall as you shrug haplessly. “You can’t drop these feelings on me ten minutes before I’m out the door and expect me to change my life for you.” You look at him. “It isn’t fair.”

“Fine.” Tom stands up straighter. “You should take off your hoodie, then. It’s mine. Wouldn’t be the best impression of the paparazzi to be seen wearing my clothes, would it?”

You drop your jacket to the floor and start shuffling out of the pink hoodie. It’s an oversized fit, and it comes off easily, but you chuckle bitterly. Tom’s taken everything from you - your heart, your sanity - even the very clothes from your back. What more could he possibly want to take?

“There.” You shove it into his hands and angrily pull on your coat. The sleeves are cold and damp against your skin, making you shiver. “Happy now?”

Tom looks down at the jumper. “No,” he says, voice soft. His eyes are round again, widening further as you reach for the front door. “Y/N, please.”

Your fingers linger on the doorknob, cold to touch. You hesitate. When you glance back at Tom, your resolve crumbles. As frustrated and bemused as you are, you love him. You love him, and he’s your best friend, and you’re leaving him.

“Tom,” you whimper. You step away from the door, dodging the box, and fold into his arms, crying with your face on his shoulder. Tom’s arms wrap around your back and he pulls you in tightly. “I’m sorry.” You aren’t sure what you’re apologising for - your departure, your broken heart, your tears staining his shirt. You just know you are so overcome with every emotion that it’s overflowing now, leaving your mouth in ugly sobs.

“Shh.” Tom rolls a hand over your back, patting in large circles. Your jacket crinkles at the action, and you think you can feel his chest shake. “It’s okay.”

You stay in his arms, your face buried in his neck until you stop crying. Even then, you feel clogged up and weakened. He’s so warm - his embrace strong, and comfortable. You feel protected, and when you step back, you feel your heart break again.

“I’m sorry, Tom.” You wipe at your eyes and pick up the red box. Tom’s face falls in response. “I just… I need time. I’m not- I’m not saying that we can never be together, I just… I can’t stay just now. It’s too fresh, I don’t...”

“It’s okay.” Tom steps forward. One of his hands goes to the doorknob, the other rests on your shoulder. He’s near to you - so near that you can see the flecks of pain in his eyes and the freckles on his face. His gaze flickers down to your lips. “I can wait.”

You lean in and kiss him, softly. His lips taste of salty peppermint.

“I… I’ll see you later.” You want to say it, want to tell him so desperately that you love him, but the words choke in the back of your throat.

Tom just smiles, the action not stretching to his eyes. He tilts his head towards the door. “Are you ready?”

You nod. “Yeah.”

Tom looks at the box in your hands and reaches up. He tugs up the hood of your jacket and tucks your hair into it carefully. “Safe flight, darling.”

“Thank you.”

He opens the door and steps aside, and then you’re on your own.

London Heathrow Terminal 5 is very empty. You’re sitting alone in the back corner of the waiting room, hood drawn around your face, sunglasses resting heavily over your nose. You haven’t been able to stop shaking since you left Tom’s house. Feeling numb through bag drop, security, and duty-free, it’s a miracle you’ve made it to your gate on time.

You close your eyes, and you see him. You open your eyes, and you expect to see him. He’s everywhere.

Is this what you really want..?

It plays on loop, lilted in his voice. Is this what you really want? To be sat alone, crying in Heathrow airport, when Tom is waiting back at home, finally willing to take you into his arms?

You sniff as you wipe at your eyes, furiously trying to stem the flow of tears. It had all happened so quickly; it felt almost unfair.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and you’re grateful for the distraction.

Tom <3: Have a safe flight. I’m sorry for being such a dick. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I love you. I love you and I’ll wait for you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to figure it out. I love you. Xxxxxxxxxx

You put the phone down, sucking in a deep breath. Your eyes fall to your feet. You notice, for the first time, that you’re wearing your special personalised Converse.

With shaking hands, you pull off your sunglasses and stare at your feet. The ink has run a little, obscured by the pouring London rain, but you can still make out some of the shapes Tom had drawn over them, all those weeks ago. A love heart, a flower, a couple holding hands. The lump in your throat grows bigger.

Is this what you really want..?

“Now boarding, Flight BA0269, London Heathrow to LAX. We now invite our platinum club to board.”

You sigh. You stand up and pull your backpack over your shoulders. You look back at your feet.

The love heart is wobbly and uneven, and you remember the look of concentration on Tom’s face as he’d tried his best to doodle over your shoes. The room had been so warm, back then. Just the two of you, together, finding comfort in one another’s company. It’d been simple, and you can remember looking up at him and feeling warmth for him in your heart.

Is this what you really want..?

No.

Your relationship has felt like a series of rash decisions lately, and you aren’t about to make the final, irreversible choice of leaving London. You can’t leave - not now, with the path finally clear. You can’t leave Tom, who’s finally told you how he feels. He’s messy, and complicated, and being around him makes you feel like your heart is on fire, but you love him. You love him, and maybe he’s right - maybe love is enough.

You know that you have come too far to throw it all away without giving him a chance.

You’ve never been a fan of bold, romantic gestures, but as they call your gate again, you turn off your phone and you turn around. You turn around, and you run. You run back to him.

↠ next part

[nbrook29]

Lmao I don’t know how this happened 😆

***

June 26th 2021, Saturday

When Sander wakes up, it’s to the early morning June sunlight hitting him straight in the face. There’s a vague smell of alcohol lingering in the air, and he groans pitifully when he remembers the amount of beer he drank last night; well, it wasn’t that much per se, but for his not-usually-drinking self it was a bit much, which would explain the sour taste in his mouth. He could be beating himself up for letting a little too much loose and messing up his rather strict rules, but it’s finally summertime and he was feeling so happy and free. Exams are done and over with, bigger gatherings are allowed again, and most importantly, the love of his life has just graduated high school and-

Wait. 

He blinks his eyes open, arm reaching to the other side of the bed expecting a warm body, but it’s met with cold sheets instead. 

Where did that love of his life go? 

Bones cracking when he sits up on the bed, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes like a little boy, looking around the room, a twinge of worry in his mind. Robbe was way more drunk than him yesterday, being a giggly, inebriated, lovely, messy mess that was barely standing when the party came to an end. Sander had to practically carry him to their cabin, with Robbe wrapped like a koala around his back, holding tight as he mumbled love declarations into Sander’s hair until he fell asleep, arm looped around his head and cheek resting on top of it. It was unbearably cute, but it was also a miracle Sander’s legs didn’t give out because as small as Robbe is, carrying his dead weight on his back is a challenge.

For a second, a dark scenario enters his mind, and he’s working himself up over Robbe maybe getting up at some point to throw up and being so drunk he choked in the bathroom (yes, he’s a tad dramatic), but then a scrap of paper lying on the makeshift bedside table that is his backpack catches his sight and relief washes over him. 

It’s clearly torned out from his sketchbook and he smiles before he even reaches for it.

Come and find me when you wake up x

Little hearts were added all around for good measure and then there’s another message below.

P.S. You’re so fucking hot xxxxx

Snorting, Sander thinks back to yesterday’s afternoon when he showed up to pick Robbe up with his dad’s car so they could meet everyone in Ostend. The way his jaw dropped wide open seeing his brand new look makes him feel very smug at the mere memory.

Right next to the note there’s that piece of confetti he put in Robbe’s long hair at the party, his boyfriend blushing so prettily when Sander told him he couldn’t find a flower as beautiful as him around so the confetti had to do for the time being. 

That’s Sander’s favorite activity: pulling a blush out of him with his sappy lines. Well, maybe after getting lost in their out of this world kisses. Or making love to him, slow and sweet or fast and dirty, Sander’s not picky.

5 minutes and he’s out the door after the quickest shower of his life, minty fresh and ready for a quest to find his other half. It’s still very early, the clock showing a few minutes past eight, and to be honest, Sander wonders how on earth is Robbe up and about already. He was fully preparing for a morning full of Robbe’s moans (not the good kind), cursing him for letting him drink so much and swearing on his life that he’ll never touch alcohol again.

The beach is almost empty, barely a few people lounging on the sand, and it takes him no time to spot longish brown curls flying with the force of the wind. Robbe looks lost to the world around him, sitting cross-legged and leaning back onto his arms, face turned to the sun to catch the early morning rays. A soft smile is dancing on his lips as he takes in the sight of the calm sea stretching till the horizon to the sound of whatever is playing in his headphones (probably Bowie because Robbe has a Master’s degree in his music now, courtesy of Sander Driesen) and he looks the most relaxed Sander has seen him in weeks. He looks beautiful.

And Sander is so so in love with him it hurts.

The boy must’ve sensed his presence because he turns around just when he’s a few meters away, his smile growing wide at the sight of him, squinting a little and wow, how does he look so good after a night like that? Sander wonders whether it’s his lovesick devotion that makes him see Robbe through a filter or if sleep did its job marvellously this time.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Robbe pulls at his jean jacket to sit him right next to himself and wastes no time before looping his arms around his neck, peppering his lips with good morning kisses.

“Hey, drunkie,” Sander teases once Robbe gets his fit, earning a half-hearted glare and a soft scoff.

“I was not that drunk.”

“You fell asleep on my head while I was carrying your butt to bed.”

“Well your head is very comfy,” Robbe states matter-of-factly, leaving no room for further discussion because he shuts up any snarky comment Sander may have had with another kiss. That’s a-okay with him, and he tangles his hand in Robbe’s gorgeous locks that he will worship till the day he dies, never missing an occasion to bury his fingers in the tangled strands. The other hand joins in the fun, tugging playfully at the earring he’s also a tiny bit too obsessed with and delighting in the high-pitched sound it pulls out of Robbe.

“What are you doing here so early? I thought you’d be dead to the world till at least noon.” Sander makes himself comfy in Robbe’s embrace, leaning against him and playing with Robbe’s long fingers that are resting on his stomach.

The boy huffs a quiet laugh, a warm puff of air tickling Sander’s neck. “I think it’s the sea breeze making me sober up quicker than normally,” he pauses, hand nudging lightly at Sander’s chin to make him lift his head back and meet his eyes, a soft smile on his lips as he continues. “That and also I think that I was less drunk on alcohol and more drunk on love.”

Sander may be the king of sappy lines, but Robbe has a few of his own up in his sleeve, and everytime he pulls one out, it makes him melt into a pile of goo. Sander crashes their lips together in a kiss that’s a little too heavy for a morning in a public space, but hey, they’re drunk on love and he doesn’t care, Robbe doesn’t care either, and there aren’t many people around them anyway so fuck it. He hums into the kiss, Robbe’s tongue grazing the roof of his mouth almost as by accident, and it’s so good, it always is.

“Last night, it felt so... life-changing, you know? And I don’t know why cause not that much is changing, really.”

“You’re graduating high school, it feels big.”

“Yeah, but I’m staying here for uni, I’m not moving or anything. I don’t know, I think I’ve been feeling a little nostalgic lately.” Robbe shrugs like he doesn’t really understand it, but doesn’t want to dwell on it either. There’s a small frown between his eyebrows though so Sander reaches to smooth it out with his thumb.

Then, something comes to his mind. “Maybe it’s because of us?”

Robbe’s frown gets deeper. “What do you mean?”

Sander turns around in his arms, nodding at the surroundings, voice laced with excitement. “You know this is the first time we have been at the beach since we met?”

Brown eyes blink at him in confusion, but then they light up and match Sander’s excitement.

“Oh my god, you’re right! Fuck, it feels like a different lifetime.”

A very miserable, shitty lifetime if you ask Sander. For both of them.

“I was so lonely back then,” Robbe sighs.

Sander notices a tiny shadow of sadness fogging Robbe’s eyes, like it always happens when he thinks back to that period of his life. Some wounds were cut too deep to fully heal, but Sander’s always there to bring him back to the present.

Tugging lightly on his hair to make him look back at him, Sander gives him a lopsided grin.

“Not gonna lie, I’m very pleased this time around the only person that’s allowed to kiss you is me.”

Robbe hums, a smirk brewing on his lips. “Hmm, I don’t know, I wouldn’t say no to a kiss from Jens I think.”

And Sander knows he’s doing it on purpose, absolutely loves to rile him up and play the “Jens” card when he wants to be snogged into submission. Robbe learned early on that even though Sander’s aware he’s just joking, his possessive streak always comes out in situations like this, making their kisses extra good and their sex extra hot.

“Careful now,” Sander breathes against his mouth, the pent up tension that accumulated last night and wasn’t relieved because Robbe was too drunk hitting him hard. It seems to be mutual because Robbe bites his lip seductively, impish smile letting Sander know that he’s getting the exact reaction he was hoping for.

“Or what?”

“Or I’m gonna carry you to bed the way I did last night, but the finale will be a little different.”

Suddenly, Robbe’s smile turns softer, the gear change leaving Sander a bit confused, but he welcomes it with a chuckle when Robbe snuggles close to him, nuzzling into his neck and letting out a content sigh.

“I love you so much,” he murmurs sweetly against his skin, breaking and healing Sander’s heart all at once. 

“I love you too, cutie. In elk universum.” 

A giggle erupts from Robbe at the universe line. “It’s been a while since you said that.”

Sander presses a kiss to his temple. “I think I'm feeling a bit nostalgic too.” 

***

The beach is slowly starting to fill out with people and bursting their little bubble so they get up reluctantly to the sounds of their grumbling stomachs that demand late breakfast. They notice their friends in the distance, spreading a huge blanket on the sand and carrying armfulls of food, and they walk over to them slowly, smiling goofily at each other and swaying their joined hands, paying no mind to people around. 

“Hey, Sander?” Robbe says suddenly.

“Yeah?”

“You’re gonna be dating a college boy now,” Robbe announces, and he sounds so proud and so adorable that Sander has to tease him a little.

He sighs, putting an extra edge of sorrow into it. “I think you’re getting too old for me, Robin.” A choked-off sound of pain follows, Robbe’s mellowy state not stopping him from jabbing his elbow in Sander’s ribs when he’s being a cheeky little shit. He should’ve known better by now - Robbe’s elbows are merciless. 

They arrive at the spot shoving each other playfully until Zoe yells at them to behave and sit their butts down like good boys to eat their food. They dig in without needing to be asked twice, their previous bickering forgotten as Robbe feeds him sandwiches, pretending they’re airplanes and making Sander and everyone around laugh hard.

This, today, yesterday, is a new memory. One that wipes away the angst he used to associate sea and beach with after enviously watching Robbe in the arms of someone else. 

This time, Robbe’s smiles are directed at him, his eyes are constantly seeking out him, hand slides surreptitiously into his hand, and Sander’s heart is bursting with happiness.

They’re going on a roadtrip this summer, just him and his favorite skater boy, and Sander cannot fucking wait. Just like he can’t wait for their future together.

And if there’s a ring sitting in his bottom drawer nobody needs to know for now. 

Robbe will find out in 55 days.

[eideticmemory]

TWO GHOSTS | MATTHEW G. GUBLER

It’s been 15 years. 15 years has to be long enough . . . right?

Set 15 years after the end of Ever Since New York, so give that a read first!

Word Count: 3.1k.

Warning: Usual angst, porn, and poor communication amongst characters.

SOUNDTRACK:

Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Stop the World, I Wanna . . . - Artic Monkeys

Space Song - Beach House

May 16, 2002.

New York City, New York.

“[y/n] . . .” Claire whispered. “Honey, c’mon . . . just, try to sit up.”

You couldn’t. You just, couldn’t. It was as if your entire body was filled to the brink with sand — coarse, wet, heavy sand — and it was weighing you down, keeping you anchored to Claire’s bed. Your head rested in her lap, and your fist gripped, tightly, onto the fabric of her jeans — which were stained with your tears. Her hand ran along your spine, and her arm wrapped around you, protectively. She wanted to shield you, she wanted to keep you safe, happy. She wanted to distract you from your luggage laid out on the floor.

But, the pressure of her body, coddling you, God, it just hurt. Everything hurt, and you couldn’t get it to stop, and you couldn’t stop sobbing, ugly sobbing, snot running down your lips.

“Cl—Claire . . .” you whined. “I . . . I . . .” your hand flew to your mouth, muffling a loud and painful sob that echoed throughout the room.

“I know, I know . . .” she cooed, kissed the top of your head, and ran her hand over your hair. “It’s okay, don’t try to talk, just rest.”

Claire held you, all day and all night on May 16, 2002. She held you until you lost your voice, until you cried yourself to sleep, and after that, she still held you.

Because it was May 16, 2002.

And May 16, 2002 was day one without Matthew Gubler.

After crying yourself to sleep that morning, you awoke alone in Claire’s bedroom that night. You rubbed your tired and sore eyes, and sat up, surprised to see the sun had gone down. Your mouth felt dry, and your throat was sore. Claire had left you a bottle of water, and you chugged it in one gulp. You stood from the bed, slowly and groggily, stumbling your way through the boxes of clothes, and decorations that Claire hadn’t even put up yet.

You wandered aimlessly into the bathroom, and switched on the light. You didn’t recognize yourself in the mirror. Only a faint resemblance of what you looked like that morning, before the airport, before the tears.

You had dressed up. Did your makeup. And now, your clothes were wrinkled, and your face was smeared with mascara. You looked miserable, you felt miserable, you were miserable.

Claire walked in just as another tear rolled down your cheek. You looked at her reflection, and saw she was eyeing you, sadly.

“Hey,” she attempted to smile. She stepped over to you and held onto your shoulders, catching you as you fell back, dramatically, into her arms.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” she whispered. You hiccuped as you looked in the mirror, making eye contact with her. “It’s just day one . . .” she said. “It’s just . . . day one.”

And it’s true, what everyone says: one day turns into one month, and one month turns into one year.

And one year turns into one decade.

October 13, 2017.

New York City, New York.

Today, is Friday the thirteenth.

Day 5,629 without Matthew Gubler.

And somehow, someway, you feel just as stuck, and frozen, and scared shitless as you did on day one.

You haven’t felt this way in a very long time, though. And of all the days, of all the nights, to feel like this, to be stuck and frozen and scared . . . tonight is not the night.

A knock rings at the dressing room door, startling you from your thoughts. You cleared your throat, and found yourself, once again, focused on your reflection.

You know this person. You’ve spent 5,629 days growing into this person. And y’know what? She’s fucking hot.

“[y/n]!” Another knock follows.

“I’m coming!”

“When?”

“Ramona, I will fire you, and trust me, I really need an assistant!” You shout, fixing your dress in the mirror once again.

“Oh, yeah, right. Then who would make your coffee and make sure you’re on time?” she replied. “. . . You’re late!”

“Okay!” You stumbled to the door in your heels, flung it open, putting your hand on your hip.

“Wow . . .” Ramona said, nearly speechless. “You look . . . hot.”

“That is not how you speak to your boss, dude,” you laughed. “You really think I look hot?”

“Marshmallows on an open fire, smoking, kind of hot.” She winks.

You chuckle, “Thanks, I needed that. Walk with me.”

“Okay, um,” she starts, walking beside you as you strut down the hall. “Hair and makeup are gonna take care of you in no less than thirty minutes, that gives you, approximately, two minutes to get into the studio.”

“Two minutes?” You stop in your tracks. “That’s it?”

She can’t help but grin, just a little, “Told you you were late.”

You scoffed, “Okay, so are we shooting when I step into the studio?”

“Yep!”

“Great . . .” you sigh, walking over to the cosmetic chair.

“But, hey, you’re the big boss, they can’t film without you.”

“Yeah, except big boss told everyone we’re filming at seven sharp, and big boss probably won’t even be ready at seven sharp!” You ramble.

“Okay . . .” Ramona nods, slowly. “Are ever gonna tell me why you’re so nervous about tonight, or . . ?”

“Uh, why am I nervous about a major, televised, celebrity event that I not only put together myself, but choreographed?” You rambled. “I don’t know, pick a reason!”

“Wow . . .” She says. “As valid as all those reasons are, I think something else is going on and I will find out, so you might as well spill.”

“Can’t talk!” You pip. “Getting my makeup done! Tell them I’ll be in at seven.”

You exhaled deeply the minute Ramona stepped away, closing your eyes. Not opening them until your hair was done perfectly, and the makeup artist added her final touches.

You, once again, came face to face with your reflection.

“[y/n]!”

But you didn’t have time to process it.

“[y/n], cameras are rolling, thirty seconds to seven.”

Of all the days, of all the nights, you tell yourself, looking into the mirror, to feel like this, to be stuck and frozen and scared . . . tonight is not the night.

“[y/n]!”

Because you are the big boss now.

Your purple dress — perfectly matched to the NYU logo — hugs your body tightly as you walk across the floor, the hem splayed over feet, which are covered in tall, silver heels. The clack of your shoes silences everyone as you walk by. Everyone, except for Ramona, who steps in before you can enter the studio.

She clips an NYU pin to your dress, “For good luck,” she smiles.

“3, 2, 1 . . . rolling.”

You enter the studio, and the room fills with a flood of “oooooh!” from each and every one of your students. The camera pans over their faces as you walk across the hardwood floor, smiling at them, laughing at their expressions. Their jaws are dropped, hands clutched over their chests.

“[y/n]! Holy shit!”

“Hey!” You laugh. “Language! We’re rolling!”

“You look great!”

“Thank you, how are you all?” You ask.

“Nervous, thanks for asking.” They all laugh.

“You guys will be fine, I’m an excellent teacher,” you giggle.

“Damn right, but are you sure you can’t hold our hands while we’re on stage? Just for a little bit?”

“Big babies!” You shake your head. “You’re ready. Signals from off camera indicated a time crunch, and you quickly brought the group together for a big hug.

It’s been a long time coming. Tonight. Or, as printed on all invitations and promotional materials:

New York University’s 2017 Celebrity Alumni Event: In Support of the Ballet class of 2017.

Coordinated and Choreographed by [y/n] [y/l/n], executive producer and star of the hit reality show, New York Best and Ballet.

Big boss.

The camera follows you as you exit the studio, walk down the hall, “They’re gonna kill it,” you smile into the lense. “I know it.”

All you can think about is the blatant, gross hypocrisy. The way you’re completely, beyond a shadow of doubt, confident in your students and their ability to pull this off.

And you can’t even say the same thing about yourself.

With the cameras off of you, you put your hand against the wall, and steady yourself. Ramona walks up to you, walking along your side. “Got you a water, you should stay hydrated tonight.”

You give her an appreciative look, taking the bottle of water and standing up straight, “Is it too early to start drinking?”

“I guess not, guests are starting to arrive.”

“Holy shit, already?” You gasp.

“You did plan this thing, right?”

“Ugh,” you huff, dramatically rolling your eyes.

“You’re expected in the ballroom, a margarita will be waiting for you at the bar.” Ramona grins.

You continue down the hallway, as she watches you walk away, a crew of people following behind you.

“[y/n]!” Ramona calls.

You turn to her, stopping in your steps.

“Marshmallows on an open fire, smoking, kinda hot,” she smiles.

You laugh, out loud, and give her a nod. Then, you continue on your way downstairs.

More people had already arrived than you thought. The ballroom was packed, covered by a sea of people, tables, cameras and crew meandering through the crowd to catch every ounce of footage they could. You were filmed as you walked down the steps, passing the stage and stepping onto the floor with a grand smile.

“Pretty good turn out, huh?” You chuckled, beaming at the camera as you branch out to greet your guests.

This helps.

The smiles, the laughs, the presence of people that support you and your program enough to show up, pay a lot of money, and witness the magic of NYU ballet in all its glory. The light highlights the brightness of your smile, the glow around you in your element. Your chuckle echoing around the room, as you coasted from table to table, person to person, thanking them for coming.

Reconnections were made, stories were told, and retold, and thoughts of college had you blushing on the spot. You’re so lost in the whirlwind of energy, of being the proper hostess, and managing everything in sight, you didn’t notice that an hour had passed.

Until a crew member taps you on the shoulder, and tells you it’s five minutes to show time.

“Excuse me,” you nod, removing yourself from your current conversation and heading backstage.

You blow kisses to the band of nervous students, give them two thumbs up as cameras trailed behind you. “And . . . you’re on, [y/n].”

You stand up straight, hand your margarita off to a crew member, take in a deep breath. And walk. You march up to the podium, the bright lights beating down on you as you stand in front of the large crowd.

“Hello, everybody, welcome!” You announce, bringing the room to a gentle silence. “Thank you all so much for being here. I’m [y/n] [y/l/n], director and head of the ballet department here at New York University.”

You become flustered at the wave of applause, cheering the crowd and backstage. “Thank you, thank you so much. As a NYU alumni, there is truly nothing that makes me happier than to teach this extraordinary class of students. They’re focused, they’re determined, incredibly talented, and the best of the best. So, without further ado, I present to you the NYU ballet class of 2017, presenting a remastered rendition of their first performance in 2014.”

You exited the stage, the curtain behind you shielding the students that were already positioned in place. You stood backstage, watching them on screen, with your hands bound against your chest. The curtain was drawn, the music kicked up, and they went.

They move effortlessly, dare you say it . . . perfectly. In sync, and with a wide range of motion that rolled without a hitch. The crowd watched in awe, and you were right there along with them. Cameras focus on your face as you’re entranced by the class, and so immensely proud.

“They’re incredible,” you beam. “Aren’t they amazing?”

The full set took about half an hour, and when the curtain flies down, closing dramatically, you jump up and down, and run over to the group of kids who couldn’t wait to see you. The joy can be felt through the lense of every camera trained on you.

Their energy and excitement is putting you on cloud nine. Your own adrenaline is rushing, and pumping in your ears.

You let your guard down. You hand out kisses and hugs left and right, and step back in the crowd on a high, head empty, no thoughts. No feelings except for happiness and pride.

“That was incredible, [y/n], absolutely incredible.”

“Wonderful show!”

You were saying thank you faster than you could hear the accolades, caught in a rush of people passing you by.

You turn to see your students trailing behind you, shaking hands as they’re showered in praise. You grin at them, entirely consumed with elation by their looks of satisfaction, of relief, of relaxation and accomplishment.

You let your guard down.

You got comfortable.

“[y/n]!”

You let yourself slip.

“[y/n], [y/n]!” A hand is placed on your shoulder, causing you to turn around, a smile still plastered across your face.

“You know Matthew, right?” Your co-producer asked. “You guys graduated the same year?”

You nearly collide with him. You stop on the toe of your heels, and come to a screeching halt. Your eyes connect like magnets, the pull is strong and intense. Your breath catches in your throat, you smile fading along with your breath. You instantly begin to sweat under the light of the cameras, your skin heating up, your hands shaking.

“U—u—uh,” you stutter. “Yes! Hi!”

“Hi, [y/n]!” He exclaims, happily, opening his arms to give you a hug.

“Oh!” You gasp as he pulls you into his chest.

And he smells, so good. He’s grown, and it feels different holding his tall frame in your arms. But the embrace is quick, and brief, and he holds your shoulders in his palms as he speaks to you, “The show was amazing, blew me away!”

You’re expected to talk. You’re expected to breathe. But you’re left speechless by the scruff lining his jaw, the curl atop his head, the suit shaping his body, and topped off with a jet black bow tie.

“Thank you, thank you,” you ramble. “Thanks for coming, um, let’s catch up later,” you nod, to which he politely nods back, and clears a path for you to walk on by.

You let your guard down.

And now you can’t seem to catch your breath.

Your feet were killing you by the end of the night. You didn’t get to take a proper seat — without the cameras, and the crew, and the crowd, until nearly ten o’clock at night. As you were trying to regroup, Ramona found you hiding away in your dressing room, halfway asleep.

“[y/n]?” she taps your shoulder. You groggily lift your head, and look to her, “There’s a car waiting for you out back. It can take you home or to the hotel across the street. What do you think?”

“Mm,” you hum. “Hotel. Hotel is fine.”

The Lillian Hotel had been acquired specifically for tonight’s event. A cozy room, with an even cozier bed was waiting for you, calling your name. And after tonight, after day 5,629, it’s all you can think about.

You give Ramona a quick hug, and thank her for everything before you sneak out of the building. You take the back exit, avoiding an entanglement of people and paparazzi.

The atmosphere of the elegant hotel was much calmer. You were given the key to your room, and you turned on your heels to head to the elevators. Your shoes created an echo against the tile, and the sound suddenly silenced when you saw him. Waiting for the elevator.

“Matthew?” You call, timidly. The courage comes out of nowhere, flies out of your chest before you can catch it in your throat.

He stops in his tracks, and turns to you, holding the strap of his bag. “Hey!” he grins.

You give him a shy smile, as you let out a dry laugh and step closer to him.

His eyes darken, not noticeably, but just a little. He looks down at you, and you look up at him, and all you can say is . . .

“Matthew . . .” you clear your throat. “Thank you for coming tonight, and supporting the program, and for . . . being so professional about everything, I know it . . . couldn’t have been easy, I really appreciate it.”

His eyebrows furrow, only for a second, and his face almost goes blank. He looks down at his shoes, taps his foot as his mind swirls with words to say. But all he can is chuckle. Laugh.

“I knew you were gonna do this,” he says.

You tilt your head, “Do what?”

“This . . . think . . . think that what I did today had anything to do with you.”

“I—“ you stutter. “Okay . . .”

“I came tonight to see friends, to catch up, to visit New York. And I knew I would see you, and I knew . . . I knew you’d, I don’t know, expect me to fall to my knees the second I saw you. I can’t do that . . . I, personally, see no reason to do that. I acted professional, because I am professional, not to cushion your feelings.”

And although, he’s changed, he’s grown, he’s matured, and he’s a completely different person than when you saw him last, Matthew Gubler still knows how to make a dramatic exit.

He turns away from you and continues down the hall, boarding the elevator without looking back at you. You — who’s paralyzed, stuck, scared shitless. Standing in the foyer of the hotel lobby, wondering why you’re unable to move, to breathe, to keep your eyes from misting.

And back to day zero.

You knew for sure that you’d struggle to sleep. That Matthew’s word would eat at your gut and brain like a parasite, haunting you, rattling around your head. But, the second your head hits the pillow, you were out like a light.

And you dreamt of him instead.

The way he was 15 years ago.

The way he made you feel.

Bing, bing, bing!

“Huh!” You jolt awake, spasming out of your sleep violently. Suddenly, the sun had risen again, and it was burning your eyes through the windows.

Bing, bing, bing!

“What the—“ You sit up, rub your face, and anxiously search for your phone, wondering why you were being called so early in the morning.

Ramona’s name flashed upon the screen, and you swiped to accept her call. “Hello?”

“[y/n] . . .”

“Ramona . . .” you slur.

“Have you checked twitter this morning?”

“Tw — no? No, it’s . . . seven in the morning, of course I haven’t checked Twitter.”

“Check it.”

“Ra—“

“Check it!” She shouts.

You groan, and navigate to the Twitter app. “Oh . . . oh, I’m trending . . . that’s good, right?”

“Yeah, uh-huh, check who you’re trending with . . .”

“Okay . . .”

Clicking on your name, you instantly sat forward, your eyes going wide, “NO!”

TAGLIST:

@muffin-cup

@pinkdiamond1016

@ncsls0515

@spencersbed

@safertokiss

[secretobsessionstuff]

Been thinking about Mateo and Shawn lately !! They remind me of myself and my own partner, so I figured maybe i’d... request something based on one of my own experiences. Long story short, I had been with them all day but I was feeling really dizzy and nauseous. I was thinking about my partners gentle way of comforting me, by holding my forehead while i was getting sick or gently running their fingertips on my back. Perhaps you could do something like this with mateo and shawn? Maybe shawn is really out of it and mateo is worried he might bother shawn if he touches him too aggressively (?) i guess? I love their dynamic <33

Thank you all for being patient as I slowly get to requests. This was a super cute one 💕

It was nearing the evening when Shawn started to get tired. As the sun began to set, with golden hour in full swing, he too wanted to dip below the horizon to sleep. He and Mateo had been out all day doing errands and planned to get dinner at a new restaurant, but now Shawn just wanted to go home.

The fatigue and dizziness hit suddenly. It was the nausea that grew steadily stronger as the sun continued to leave for the day. He lazily moved through the store, holding onto the clothing racks to keep himself upright. People must have thought he was drunk with the way he swayed down the aisles.

He eventually found his boyfriend in one of the aisles trying on shoes. Shawn sighed as he found a place to sit next to a pile of shoes that Mateo was considering buying. It was only when he sat down that he realized how weird he felt. He realized that he could have passed out right there if he wanted to. Suddenly his lunch wasn’t sitting so well in his stomach. He looked up at Mateo with half-closed eyes.

“What do you think of these?” Mateo asked as he admired the leather shoes in the mirror.

“You look good in everything,” Shawn said through a yawn, not really looking at the shoes. Still, it wasn’t a lie. Mateo could walk out of here with slippers, and Shawn would be eager to see them kicked off haphazardly at the foot of his bed. Just not today. “Are you almost done? I want to go home soon.”

Mateo spun around, feeling fancy in the new shoes. He wasn’t going to buy them though because he needed more time to decide, and it didn’t look like Shawn had more time – he looked like he was going to fall asleep in the middle of the store. “You don’t want to get dinner at that new Thai place?”

Shawn scrunched up his nose. “My stomach isn’t feeling so good.” The blurriness around his vision wanted to creep closer in, and his head wanted to fall off his shoulder. “Actually, a lot of me isn’t feeling so good.”

After switching the shoes out for his actual pair, Mateo sat on the bench and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes which were bloodshot and glassy. He touched the back of his hand to Shawn’s forehead and pulled back in surprise. “It does feel like you a small fever.”

Shawn groaned and let his head fall on Mateo’s shoulder. “My eyes are burning and I’m dizzy. Will you drive?”

Mateo helped his boyfriend up. “Sure. Anything else bothering you?” It was tough not to fall back into the script that he used for patients, but Shawn didn’t seem to care.

“My stomach.”

“You already said that.”

“Well, it really hurts,” he whined, only half joking because his stomach really was in knots. “Add short term memory loss to the list.”

Getting in the car did not sound like a fun time, but Shawn did so anyway. The ride wasn’t as bad as he thought because he fell asleep before Mateo left the parking lot.

Mateo enjoyed the quiet drive back. Shawn’s car drove smoothly and silently, letting his boyfriend stay asleep the whole time. That might have been a testament to how Shawn was feeling rather than the car’s performance, however. Mateo snuck glances at Shawn’s paler than normal face. The tattoo on his neck stood out even more against the ashen skin.

“We’re here,” Mateo said as he parked the car. Shawn stayed asleep. “Babe, wake up.”

The snoring continued so Mateo got out of the car and came around to the passenger side. He unbuckled Shawn’s seat belt and felt the heat rolling off his body. “Oh boy, you’re really warm,” Mateo mumbled to himself, but it seemed to have startled Shawn from his sleep.

Shawn looked around and squinted. The first thing he registered was the fresh new wave of nausea coursing through his veins. With Mateo’s help, they walked to the door. Shawn’s legs really wanted to buckle under him. “Fuck, that nap did not help. I feel so much worse.”

“Yeah, your fever’s gotten worse too,” Mateo said as he opened the door for his boyfriend. “How’s your stomach?”

“Sick. I think I might puke.”

“You could wait for me in the bathroom while I put our groceries away.” Mateo set their bags down on the counter. “I want to take your temp—or you can crash on the couch. That works too,” he said as he watched Shawn fall onto the soft cushions.

With the thermometer and a bucket, Mateo joined Shawn on the couch. He wasn’t asleep, surprisingly. The grimace on his face told Mateo that he was too nauseous to sleep. His body took up most the couch so Mateo gently lifted Shawn’s head and placed it on his own lap.

Shawn moaned as he was jostled around. When he was settled back down on Mateo’s legs, he let out a heavy exhale. Even while lying down, the room felt like it was spinning around his head.

“Sorry, hon,” Mateo said softly. “Will you put this under your tongue?”

While Shawn held the thermometer in his mouth, Mateo ran his hands through his boyfriend’s hair. He hated hearing Shawn’s heavy breathing which served as a reminder that he was miserable. Mateo decided he would keep gliding his fingers through Shawn’s hair until his breathing slowed down or until the thermometer beeped. Whichever came first.

The thermometer beeped first. The device told him that Shawn’s temperature was sitting just below 102°F. It wasn’t terrible but not great. Still, Mateo never liked to treat anything under 103°F. This was the body’s way of curing itself. Of course, Shawn’s body had other plans to deal with whatever was making him sick, but that was a more unpleasant process.

Shawn groaned and squirmed around on Mateo’s lap. He wanted to stay where he was because Mateo’s fingers felt great, but the nausea was reaching its peak. His belly gurgled loudly, making him curl in on himself.

Mateo heard the gurgled and felt his boyfriend tense up beneath his hand. “Are you gonna be sick? Need the bucket?”

With a hand over his mouth, Shawn nodded quickly. He lifted himself up with his arm, careful not to elbow Mateo in the crotch. He reached for the bucket, but his beautiful boyfriend held it up to his mouth so that he didn’t have to. Shawn still grabbed one side, just to help him aim and to keep him from falling off the couch.

He gagged emptily at first, making his whole body shudder. The nausea filled his mouth with saliva and caused his jaw to quiver. Another gag caught in his throat.

“I’ve got you, just let it happen,” Mateo said while holding the bucket steady. He could feel the strain that it had on Shawn’s body just from the way he shook.

Shawn gagged one last time before a real wave of sick came rushing up his throat. He lurched forward from the force of the heave. With his eyes squeezed shut and tears gathering on his lashes, he heard the splatter of sick as it hit the bottom of the bucket.

A mix between a cough and a heavy exhale followed a wet burp. Shawn’s chest moved rapidly as he tried to catch his breath in between retches. “Ugh everything hurts, Teo.”

Mateo’s go-to choice of comfort in this instance would be to rub Shawn’s back or stomach but he hesitated when he heard the pain in the boy’s voice. Shawn’s body was already tense and flooded with misery; he didn’t know if his boyfriend wanted to be touch that much. In the past there had been times when Shawn was too overwhelmed for any extra stimuli. Sometimes he couldn’t stand having his shirt rub against his skin when he was sick.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Mateo said gently, with his free hand hovering awkwardly in the air. “Will it help if I rub your back?”

Shawn swallowed thickly, aware that a second bout was coming. “Maybe. Can you do it lightly…you know, like the tracing.”

Mateo knew exactly what he was talking about. Sometimes when neither of them could sleep, they took turns tracing shapes on each other’s back with their fingertips. It started out as a game to guess the pictures, but it quickly turned into random patterns that left goosebumps on their arms.

With the lightest touch, Mateo started at the top of Shawn’s spine and slowly worked his way down. Then he circled back up to the base of his neck, taking his time to make each touch gentle.

When he felt the muscles in Shawn’s back tense up, he quickly lifted his hand in fear that he hurt him. Shawn just belched up another gush into the bucket. Without a second to breathe, he was bringing up the next wave of stomach contents. Shawn gasped for air and went right back into it with a groan.

“Shh, shh, it’ll be over soon,” Mateo whispered as resumed his gentle tracing.

For a long time, Mateo kept up the gentle movement of his hands, even when the vomiting seemed to have tapered off into plain old hellish nausea. It’s the worst feeling of still being nauseous when the puking stops, but that’s the land where Shawn found himself after wiping the bile from his lips.

Physically exhausted, Shawn slumped back down on Mateo’s lap. His throat was raw and his abdomen screamed from the work. Every breath hurt. But the one thing that made it easier to deal with was the pitter patter of soft fingertips on his back. It reminded him of peaceful rain during an afternoon nap.

“That feels nice,” he sighed and closed his eyes.

Mateo smiled. He kept his voice low because he could see that Shawn’s breathing was slowing down. “Do you feel better?”

“A little.” Shawn yawned. “I could actually fall asleep.”

“Then fall asleep. I won’t stop.”

Mateo was pleased that he didn’t hear a response. He was pleased to hear Shawn’s breathing even out. As promised, he danced his fingertips across his boyfriend’s back, at least until he too fell asleep.

[arans-princess]

Bad kitten

Tendou is a kinky mutha fucka ISTG I KNOW he is a sadist. So i tried to keep  this as gender neutral as possible so the reader has a vagina but no gender specific pronouns.

⚠️⚠️pain kink (reader is a masochist) bondage, choking, mirror sex, mention of blood, spit play, cummies, degradation and, overstim, hard dom Tendou, sub reader.⚠️⚠️

So, you know better than to tease Tendou in public, but damn if he had just fucked you this morning like you had wanted, maybe you wouldn't have; made him cum in his pants twice… at dinner… with his parents… ok yes you crossed a line but shit! you want that long cock in your pussy again so fucking bad it hurts. So now you're in the car headed home and he is far too quiet for comfort but you are too excited to give a shit. Instead of thinking about how brutal your punishment is going to be you decide to reminisce on how you got to this point.

Six hours earlier  

Now normally getting ready to go to a fancy dinner would be lots of fun, if you weren't ridiculously and extremely horny. Tendou thought it would be funny to wake you up this morning by eating you out, which would have been great if he had let you cum, but he didn't; instead he just got you riled up, gave you a smirk and said get out of bed. 

Thinking back to  how delicious his tongue felt against your folds, massaging, licking and suckling on every drop of juice you produce, letting nothing go to waste. the way he suckled on your clit made your toes curl. long fingers joined the assault to your nether regions. he pushed two fingers inside will you slowly long thin, curled them to find that perfect spongy spot inside of you making the pleasure even more intense, pumping them in and out of you faster in faster sucking on your clit even harsher than before now his teeth slightly graze it, nibbling just a little, the  sensation only adds to your pleasure, before you know it your body is contracting  on the cusp of cumming  but then he stops. Just  like that the intense pleasure you felt dissipates. 

Three hours earlier

It's 4 p.m. and you have  started getting ready to go with your loving husband to his parents anniversary dinner. in the shower the warm water cascading down your back  as you wash yourself then you hear the shower curtain pull back tendou joins you helping you wash your back and you wash his. this is not the first time you two have showered together, he almost always  accompanies you claiming it saves water. showering together almost always leads to some soft sex  but today there is no time for that. You two finish washing  and now it is time to rinse. she removes the shower head from its mount on the wall in an effort so he claims to not mess up your hair, He turns the nozzle on the massage setting claiming it's to help relax your muscles, like a fool  you believe him, it starts innocently enough, he rinses your shoulders and your back then turns you around to rinse the front half nice warm water washes away with soap and then he gets lower, and lower, and lower, on the way down he pays special attention to your nipples, now at your cunt,  before you can protest he has your back pressed against the cold tile one leg hiked up and thrown over his shoulder, the warm water That was massaging your body is attacking your clit with ferocity, the pressure and heat build up your orgasm quickly. Sensing your close he pushes the nozzle harder into your clit. As your orgasm approaches you begin clawing at his back in hopes to gain some stability, moans getting higher in pitch, drawing out into a whine of your approaching release. Every nerve on your body is on fire and then just like this morning he pulls away. The fire is snuffed and you were left high and dry yet again. He snickers and tells you to hurry up and get ready. 

30 minutes before dinner

After getting ready, dressed in your most seductive outfit, you had decided that Tendou is going to pay for the torturous teasing he forced you to endure all day. But it seems Tendou also had the same idea. as the two of you walked to your car you see him standing in all his glory, the moon light illuminating his handsome face; a sleeveless mock neck  fitted shirt tucked into black shiny leather pants, a spiky belt, long cross earrings. Since high School his appearance has changed drastically; he pierced his left eyebrow and his tongue, which you have thoroughly enjoyed, and now his once pale skin is adorned in brightly colored tattoos splaying across his chest up his neck and down his arms you have also enjoyed licking, his once slender arms are now much more defined but, the change hasn’t just been physical, no no no, his persona has transformed into something much more dominating, his aura saturated in his new found confidence, everything he says is laced with liquid sex, his new apperance has only applifed this. Essentially, Satiori Tendou is sex on legs, his constant teasing has made the ache damn near unbearable.  

The way you two complement each other is unmatched by any other couple going. Turning the heads and dropping the jaws of everyone around you, both stunned by your beauty but alarmed by your aura they part like the Red Sea. 

Arriving 20 minutes before the reservation time has its perks, grabbing his hand as you two exit the car, Making a b-line for the restroom pulling Tendou along with you. now it's your time to turn the tables, pay back’s a bitch so you thought. Once the door is closed luckily it is a single person restroom, you force him against the wall hands immediately trying to undo his belt, fumbling miserably in your desperation. 

“eager much are we?” his mocking only makes you more desperate. you fumble for a few more seconds before he undoes it himself. you remove the articles of clothing on your lower half to provide easier access as fast as possible; now it is time to execute your revenge or so you hoped, somehow you had forgotten how much of a dom your boyfriend truly is. seeing as you had been worked up all day long the need for prep was minut, deciding to forgo it as eagerness bled with arousal, the need to fuel your desire had consumed you. With one swift thrust he entered your stopping cunt.for whatever reason you believed you were in charge so you began to fuck yourself on his cock, throwing it back on him as hard as you possibly could, effectively pinning him against the door, thinking you still have the upper hand you decide now would be a great time give him a taste of his own medicine.

“What’s work baby? Can’t handle me fucking myself on your cock? I’ll slow down if you want me too, There is that better?” You begin a slow grind on him but he responds with grabbing your hips with on large hand and the other snakes to your hair. The control you thought you had dissipates faster than it arrived. He Meets your thrusts harder than you were able to handle, turning your tuants into moans arms flailing about trying to gain purchase on any available surface coming up short, you ultimately allow him to use your body. 

“Oh but I much rather enjoyed the faster pace. That’s OK I’ll do it myself.” His whisper husky in your ear. The hand on your hip joints the other in your hair yanking it back with such force your arch deepens. 

After being together for years Tendou knows your body almost better than you do, so the fact that you are not nearing your release as rapidly as you hoped is baffling, unless this is intentional… but surely after denying you twice today he will grant you this one wish...right? 

“Tendou baby please I need to cum, please I want it so bad, so so bad- ugh! PLEASE!” You pleas fall on deaf ears. The drag of his long cock against your velvety walls is almost intoxicating, his thrusts are relentless as he is chasing his own release slamming into you harder and harder than his cock twitch is the telltale sign he is about to cum. You plead for him to take you with him, but he falls over the edge alone. His cum Hot and sticky inside you coats your walls, the thick translucent spurts, make you involuntarily clinch trying to hold it in consequently you clamp down and milk his cock for every last drop. 

“Aww doll your clamping down on me it’s like you don’t wanna let me go” he purrs in your ear giving you two more thrusts for good measure then pulling out. “Since you want to keep my cum so bad how about this” he pulls your underwear off of your legs. He bends you over even further so your nose is touching your knees, pussy fully exposed to him. He balls up your panties and shove them inside your quivering cunt. “ I know i’ve been riling you up all day long, but just think about the pay off. Be a good little princess during dinner and you will get anything you ask for. OK how does that sound?” He murmurs placing gentle kisses behind your ear. His cool and slightly chapped lips help ground you, bringing you back down. 

Its now five minutes before his parents are to arrive, you two take this time to fix your tousled clothing. After making yourselves presentable you exit the bathroom and in hand and are immediately greeted by his parents who are accompanied by the hoastest. She escorts you all to your table for four and you all take your seats, Tendou’s mother sits next to you while his father and him sit across from you. You and his mother make small talk. The two of you catch up on your endeavors for the past few weeks as your schedules have been very busy leaving you unable to talk. After a few minutes the server comes to take you orders and brings out your drinks, your husband and his father are engrossed in some conversation you weren’t listening to as his mother was Inquiring about your plans for the future; whether or not that entailed grandchildren, moving, or new potential job opportunities, great full this was not a plead for grands as you weren’t ready for that yet, you joyfully answer her questions. 

“So Y/N you and my baby boy are students at the local UN, what the next step? I remember you told me your major is blank.” She inquires, turning her head to look at you. Looking at her in return you are reminded of where Tenie his gets looks from. 

“Well after I complete my major in blank, I’m going to be looking for a job in the blank field. Right now I currently have an internship in my field of choice and hopefully if everything goes according to plan a job will be lined up after.” Your reply is cool and calculated a stark contrast to what’s going on under the table. You stretched your leg out under the table lifting it to brush against Tendou’s knees, to your surprise he doesn’t spare you a glance. Keeping up the conversation with his mother you who’s your foot along the inside of his thigh all the way up to his crotch. You then begin to stroke him from outside his leather pants. You can feel his erection growing underneath your foot, still not bothering to look at you the conversation with his mother dies off and his father strikes up a conversation with you has tendou talks with his mother. Stroking his cock harder and faster suddenly the Waiter comes out with food. However the arrival of food does not stop you. You do a good job of keeping up the act then your foot is abruptly stopped, your husband’s hand gripping your ankle tightly at last, he finally looks at you and his gaze is predatory, daring you to continue. Being the brat you are you continue with your other foot prodding him closer and closer to climax. He can’t help the groans that leave his lips so he attempts to cover them by commenting on how delicious the food is. Satisfied with yourself you put your legs back down and continue eating your appetizers. 

Your husband has been shooting daggers at you throughout the first course, with the arrival of your entrées you thought to give him a break however The dull ache between your legs reminds you of how he left you high and dry not once not twice but three times today, paybacks a bitch. You begin your ministrations again, this time he looks at you, almost begging you to stop but he remains silent. His cock is still sensitive in his pants after cumming twice in such a short time span, you increase your pace and pressure and in no time he is on the brink of cumming. He’s pale skin slightly flushed a wonderful pink, his eyes slightly glossed over, just a hint of a blissed out expression dances across his face. 

“Son, are you feeling alright? You look a little pink?” His mother’s concerned voice rings. 

“Yeah you do look a little hot baby, you feeling alright?” You coo stretching a hand out to hold his, your thumb caressing the back of his hand giving him a dazzling yet teasing smile as he somehow glares harder at you, if looks could kill you’d be dead 10 times over. 

“I’m fine, it’s just spicy, very spicy” he manages to choke out.

“ well, if you say so” his father replies skeptically.  

Tendou shoves more food in his mouth to muffle the cry aching to be released signaling his third climax of the night. You left a satisfied smirk dance across your face as you put your foot back down. 

You all make small talk as dessert gets brought out chocolate lava cake with a side of vanilla ice cream, Tendou has been waiting for this all night so you figure why not make his dessert a little sweeter, now in hindsight you should’ve stopped long ago but you seem to be drunk on the little bit of control that you have accumulated as the night progressed so you try your luck one last time, you start slower this time much much slower. First you start at his calf trailing your foot up and down; gradually lifting it higher and higher until you’re reaching his inner thigh. You take a brief pause to allow everyone to dig into their desserts. Then you go in for the kill. You look across the table at your father-in-law a notice he’s giving his wife a strange look, weird but you think nothing of it and, continue prodding and caressing the growing bulge beneath your foot, staring at your husband with intensity as his parents are engrossed in a surely riveting conversation. Yet your husband seems Completely unresponsive. Prodding harder in hopes of getting some sort of reaction yet you come up short. You figure he’s just gotten better at hiding his expressions and continue until you hear it. A barely audible yet high-pitched whine, but it’s not coming from your husband. You look at his father and then it clicks as his eyes have slightly glazed over and his grip on the spoon has tightened to the point where his knuckles are grossly white. Mortified, you excuse yourself to the restroom. 

There you pull out your phone and send a text to Tendou asking him to make up an excuse so the two of you can go home and you’ll explain what happened later. He does and soon he knocks on the bathroom door, you step out and on your way to the car you begin explaining why you needed to leave so abruptly. 

“Baby I’m so sorry but i kinda… made your dad cum in his pants…. I thought he was you and I didn’t take off my shoe… IM SO SORRY” you explain as quick as possible praying he won’t be too upset. 

“I figured as much, I’m not too upset. I think it’s kind of funny, good luck facing him later on.” He jokes, pulling you close to his so he can whisper how much trouble you are truly in “ but I hope you don’t think your ass is off the hook, I told you to be good kitten” 

The present 

Once you get home your orders were to strip and go to the play room immediately, not wanting to get in any more trouble than you already were and you can apply as quickly as possible. Once stripped you sick to your knees waiting for him to come in and give you your next orders. The door opens and incomes Tendou, the presence that surrounds him does not belong to your husband it belongs to your master, this forces you to immediately submit to his every whim not an ounce of defiance is left in your body. 

“So you can follow orders, good slut. Now since you were so hungry for my cum here, clean my cock now!” He pulls down his pants and boxers together unleashing the monster. His thick long cock is coated in a thick layer of his cum, cum you cannot wait to taste, quickly you slurp all of the cum off his cock and then bob your head up and down taking as much of it in your mouth as you can. Then he grabs your head by your hair and begins fucking your face, his pace is brutal as he thrusts into the back of your throat triggering your gag reflex which only makes him thrust harder. Your eyes are watering tears streaming down your face your nose is runny you look like an absolute fucking wreck, but to Tendou you look just as beautiful as the day he married you. “look at you my pretty slut such a desperate whore for my dick!” Each word is accented with an additional thrust. He lets your hair go allowing you to set your own pace, bracing yourself by putting your hands on his thighs and you continue bobbing up and down as quickly as possible eager for more of his cum. Looking up his face is contorted pleasure ice crossed mouth hanging open knowing he’s close you hollow your cheeks this his cock to twitch down your throat followed by thick spurts of his delicious cum. You don’t have a chance to swallow as he pulls you just standing on your feet and kisses you deeply prompting you to push his release into his own mouth. He holds your jaw open and spits his cum back into your mouth you swallow without hesitation. 

He guides you over the bed and prompts you get on all fours, you do so quickly as not to anger him further. “Good bitch, now wait I have a special punishment in mind for you.” He walks to the wall on the opposite side of the bed and unveils a full length wall to wall mirror. “ I got this earlier in the week; I was planning for today to be your reward for being such a good little Doll, I had planned have you watch me pleasure you till your heart’s content but now the plans have changed, i’m going to use you anyway I see fit. the only way to get it to stop is if you SafeWord, what’s the SafeWord?” One hand is tucked under your chin tilting your head up to look him in the eyes. “Mocha” your reply is meek “yes that’s right baby mocha” he alway seems so tender in these moments, showering you with love reassuring you that this can stop at any time. But with the next sentence any trace of softness is vaporized “say stop when the pain is too much” 

The heavy paddle collides with your ass cheeks three quick and hard times in succession first your right then your left. The sting sends waves of pleasure up your spine intensifying the dull ache in your cunt. The strikes keep coming each harder than the last, your pussy is sopping wet dripping onto the sheets below. 

“Look at you, getting off on me hitting you, how filthy!” He shouts as he lays more strikes. You look up at yourself in the mirror, your face is scrunched up, One would think you’re in pain if you weren’t arching your back even further to try and make more contact. After a few more strikes he drops the paddle and lifts up your left leg so your cunt is exposed to the mirror as well. He slaps your clit harshly before applying a clothespin on the nub. The sudden pinch sends you flying over the edge, after being worked up all day your sweet release is the most powerful one you have had in awhile, toes curling arms no longer strong enough to support yourself your front half collapses onto the bed below you. Tendou turns your head to the side so you can watch yourself come undone and you realize you squirted. He quickly thrusts his cock into your cunt and begins fucking you ruthlessly. “Such a beautiful cum slut,” he coos in your ear, one hand moves from your hips to your throat forcing you back down onto his cock meeting him thrust for thrust. Due to his new grip you have nowhere to run. “Be a good whore and take every last inch!” His command is punctuated with a harsh slap to your raw ass cheek then his vacant hand trails to your clit flicking the clothes pen attached to it, sending another jolt throughout your body. You clamp down even harder on his cock screeching like a banshee when you come undone again your nerves are on fire you’re not hypersensitive to every touch. You can practically feel every piercing on his cock as he continues fucking you through your orgasm. The reverse Prince Albert, the frenum, and the deep shaft, all work in tandem amplifying your orgasm. He spits on your ass cheeks not stopping his pace for a moment. 

“Filthy slut, you liked making my dad cum in his pants didn’t you? Look at you clamping down on me, you fucking whore!” He spits harshly flicking your clit again. “Answer me bitch!” The hand around your throat tightens choking you. The lack of oxygen makes your mind fuzzy as you croak out a strangled ”no” 

“That’s fucking right you’re my little whore! Don’t you ever fucking forget it! Now cum cum on my cock so I can fuck you in to the mattress!” He spits on your back now the cooled off drool cools you off slightly. Your body is on fire and yet another orgasm is forced out of you. 

“Fuck sir, I- I don’t think I can cum any more!” You plead. 

“You can and you will what the fuck makes you think I care? You're my doll and I will play with you until you break!” He fucks you through three more orgasms before he pulls out. On the last orgasm you’re sure you blacked out for a second. Now you have been reduced to a heap on the bed unable to move a limb on your own accord. He gives you a few minutes to collect yourself, once your breathing finally steadies and you regain feeling in most of your limbs, He rolls over to your back and begins sucking dark marks onto your thighs leaving a trail up to your abused Cunt. Once there he removes the clothes pin in place is a gentle kiss on your heat. You roll your head to the side to watch him eat you out. Your sex is glistening and puffy form the abuse, your legs or adorned with dark blotches leading up from your knees, then his hands begin to caress your thighs when you feel something cold, it’s not his rings so what could it be you wonder. You lift your head slightly to get a better angle and you see it, a small switchblade in his hand trailing up and down your thighs. You gasp in shock. 

“Don’t worry doll, I’ll be careful.” His voice is reassuring so you relax, lay your head back down and watch him in the mirror. “Make sure you’re watching kitten, wouldn’t want you to miss out on the view, his words are slightly muffled because he is speaking into your thigh but you understand him clear as day. Then his assault begins, he sucks harshly on your clipped while prodding your G spot with two fingers. The Metal ball feels delightful against your sensitive knob as he keeps a vacuum seal around it. The hand fingering you moves rapidly causing your hips to back wildly as you quickly build tension, your walls flutter against his fingers signifying your close; the knife starts moving along your thighs pressing firmly but not breaking the skin. The thrill of potentially being cut makes the pleasure more intense. This causes a snowball effect and you come undone for the last time, your hips give one last yet powerful buck causing the knife to be pressed into your skin deeper, nicking you. 

“Fuck baby I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to cut you I-“ his apology is cut short. 

“Baby it’s ok accidents happen let’s just try not to do it again OK?” You reassure him calmly. 

“Of course sweetheart I know you’re tired let’s get you cleaned up.”

You two shower together again this time no funny business, helping each other wash and rinse then get dressed in the most comfy clothes you own you flop down on the bed. You feel the plush blankets atop the cozy mattress, crattleing your back as you and tendou lay together. His heartbeat steady in your ear; the heat from his body combines with the pressure of his fingers trailing up and down your body, lulling you into a place hovering between sleep and consciousness.

“Baby?” 

“Yes my love” You reply sleepily, snuggling deeper into his chest. 

“Why are you here with me?” 

“Well for starters we just had some of the best sex I have ever had in my life.” 

“No silly. A better question would’ve been why did you choose me? In high school you had people throwing themselves at you and you still chose me. Even now people off the street admire you. What makes me so special?” 

“Oh baby where is this coming from?” You have perked up a bit more and are now fully conscious. The skin on his chest is warm under your lips as you press gentle but firm kisses from his sternum up to the column of his throat. He can feel him swallowing quickly waiting for your response with baited breath. “baby I’m with you because I am in love with you. I love everything about you, except when you leave the toilet seat up.”

The last part makes both of you snort. His chest is warm under your palm feeling his heartbeat steadily as you gaze up at him, you search his eyes for any more uncertainty finding his features have washed over with relief somewhat, however you know something is still wrong. He’s been too quiet for far too long. He looks back at you, lips pulled into his mouth between his teeth as he chooses his next sentence carefully. 

“baby, honey, whatever you have to say just say it. I don’t get upset. You know I love you very much so where is all of this coming from?” You prod gently rubbing soothing circles onto his chest and torso.

“Well I just- I just feel like I’m forcing you…” he chokes on his words. “I just don’t understand how someone like you, gosh you’re so perfect, how do you love me? I’m a monster y/n! I like hurting you! And you still stay? I don’t understand! I love you so damn much but I love to see you in pain especially at my hands, they say you don’t hurt people you love but I hurt you, and you LET ME! WHY DO YOU LET ME? I cut you! I wasn’t paying attention and could’ve seriously hurt you! He sobs out, even with tears running down his face. He is just as handsome as the day you too met six years ago. 

You haven’t seen him this worked up Since the day he told you about His years as an Elementary school kid when he was bullied. From that stemmed insecurities over his appearance, hell even the nickname in high school ’guess monster’, made him feel As if he were some thing inhumane. Soon you realize you’ve been quiet for far too long, sitting up to straddle his waist you lean and pressing your foreheads together. His skin is soft. So soft, and warm under you, losing yourself in the closeness between you too, sighing trying to find the right words to express what’s in your head, but what watery red eyes of your lover staring back at you in pain fog your brain and dry your mouth. You move your hands to cup the supple skin of his cheeks thumbs under his eyes wiping away the flowing tears. Moving down you kiss a trail from his forehead to his lips kissing away tears as you go. As if he cannot bare the weight of your glaze he looks at the ceiling. Your heart clenches at the sight of your beloved so emotionally tormented. 

“Tendou, my love, I cannot express my love for you, but know this, you are not a monster, you're my Satori Tendou who I would love to spend the rest of my life with, you are kind and thoughtful. Some days I think you're psychic.” You move to sit up right in his lap bringing him up with you. 

“You know every little detail about me, like when we stop to get food and I claim I’m not hungry, your order for me and it’s exactly what I want each time, or when we go to parties, you can pinpoint the exact second when my social battery has died and you have no problem leaving then and there. You mean so much to me goddamnit.” you take a pause, throat burning and constricting as you attempt to choke back tears. “Yes you are a sadist but it works just fine with my masochist ass, baby. Not once have I ever had to safe word. So what you drew a little blood? It didn’t kill me. I told you I don’t like it, and I know we won’t have that problem again.” Hands cupping his cheeks pulling his forehead to yours to look deeply into his sad eyes, “honey I love you, I love every part of you!” Startled by the cold wet drops hitting your bare thighs, when did you start crying you wonder. Then a full body sob hits you, starting in your shoulders, to your burning chest, to your quaking thighs. Your body convulses as you attempt to spit out these words. “Nothing you can do will change my love for you! “ suddenly his long arms incase your body, pulling flesh against him as if you could possibly get any closer. 

Strong, so damn strong, his arms his soul his spirit, yet man sobbing in your arms seems so weak,  fragile, vulnerable; as if every ounce of strength has been drained from his body  leaving a hollow shell. Tendou has always been your anchor now it's your turn to do the same for him.   

[spookyboywhump]

I read this and its amazing but initally I read Valire as Vanessa and now have a need for Vanessa fussing iver Zander during sad boy hours.

Oh I couldn’t resist this one

Vanessa certainly tries her,,,,, best?

 CW: Not much, mentions of starvation and very vague references to past noncon

***

 He didn’t mean to start crying, but he couldn’t help it. He’d cried the night before he’d been left at Vanessa’s house, and now here he was, crying the night before he’d be returned to Cain. He hadn’t wanted to come here, but now that he was here he didn’t want to leave. Both were miserable places, both were complete nightmares and sources of pain, but still, he wasn’t ready to go back, he wasn’t ready to be hungry and exhausted all the time, wasn’t ready to be forced into a fight and wasn’t ready to deal with the pain that would come whether he won or lost. 

 He was laying on her bed with her, Vanessa usually let him on the furniture, his head resting on her lap as he laid on his side. She’d put something on the tv in her room but he really wasn’t watching it, too lost in his own thoughts as she combed his fingers through his hair. She’d washed it for him the night before, it was fluffier and more unruly than normal, which she seemed to like. He’d thought about going home the next day, about that cell, about how long it would be before he got to eat again, to really rest again. Resting came with a price when he was with her, one he paid whether he was willing or not, but right now, he just didn’t want the few moments of peace he got to end. His vision blurred with tears he struggled to blink back, and he sniffled softly, which is what finally caught Vanessa’s attention. 

 “Zander…? Hey, what’s wrong dear?” She asked, pulling on his shoulder so he was on his back, staring up at her. He didn’t want to tell her, though she was looking down at him with enough concern in her eyes that he was almost convinced it was real, her long blonde hair falling over her shoulder, just barely brushing against his face and tickling his cheek. Not for the first, or even last time he couldn’t help but think she was so fucking beautiful. Why did it have to be her?

 “Nothing…” He said, as if it wasn’t an obvious lie, and she rolled her eyes.

 “Don’t give me that…” She said gently, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Come on now, what’s the matter?” She asked. Telling her he didn’t want to leave would cause too many problems, he already knew that and he didn’t want to deal with the reaction it would get. He sniffed, reaching up to try and wipe away his tears before they could even fall.

 “I-I’m just… just in pain, that’s all…” He murmured. It really wasn’t even a lie, he was always in pain. At least it made for a good excuse when he needed it. “Y’know, my back and all… just always hurts…”

 “Aww, you poor thing.” She said sympathetically. He hated it when she said that, he knew she took far too much pleasure in his suffering. “Here, sit up and take your shirt off.” She said, and he let out a shuddering sigh as he did what he was told, already knowing what she wanted him to do. He laid back down on his stomach, burying his face in his arms while she moved to hover over him. 

 He was able to pass off the whimper that escaped him as one of pain while she tried to massage the constant ache out of his shoulders. Admittedly, she’d done a pretty good job before. At least he was getting something out of this, keeping his jaw clenched and holding back as much noise as he could, silently crying into his arms. Her hands were warm on his back, and she was never bothered by the scars, but then again she’d caused some of them herself.

 “It’s alright my love…” She said softly as she massaged his back. “You must be in so much pain all the time… but you’re strong, you can handle it.” She told him. He knew that. He was strong, he could handle a lot, but he didn’t fucking want to. He was tired of “handling” it, he just wanted a break, one that didn’t come with conditions. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had that at all.

 She did succeed in lessening some of the pain he felt, which was some relief to him. She’d let him put his shirt back on before laying down with him, but she was holding him close, running her hand through his hair again. No matter what the action would always calm him down, make him feel sleepy, as if the crying hadn’t already done that. He managed to calm down before she’d finished, only letting out a small portion of what he really felt. Now though he just closed his eyes and hid his face against her, letting her try her hand at “comforting” him. 

 “Poor boy... “ She sighed. “Cain must be overworking you. If I could I would just keep you… I’d give you the love you need.” She said, and he chose to pretend he didn’t hear her. Going back to Cain was bad. Being here was bad. No matter what he was trapped, and hurt, and unhappy, but at the very least he could try and pretend that at least part of it was okay, at least for the next couple of hours, he was as okay as he could ever get.

[ohhmyheart5678]

When in the streets of seoul (5)

*warning* this mentions death, murder, suicide, guns, and other gruesome and dark content if you are sensitive to these kinds of things do not read it

Pairing: Chan x female reader

Word count 2.1k

Previous/ next

*****

It's been six days, six day fucking days since I've been trapped here. I absolutely hate it. I spent the first three days not speaking to anyone and the other three finally excepting the fact that this is going to be my life now.

It's such a nice place. I get fed the best foods, I sleep in the most comfortable king sized bed with silk sheets, I have the best clothes, and I'm still miserable.

I went to the speaker and pressed 1. "Kinely ! You need something?" Chan sounded quite concerned. He believed that I had everything I needed but he forgot one thing. "I need to go to the store" I say sharply. Even though the deal was  that I wasn’t able to go in public he haven't let me out of this room yet.

He says I'm not cooperating and so I have to wait. "What do you need from the store that I can't get for you?" I could hear the slight annoyance in his voice but he could never be as annoyed as I am right now. I mean he is keeping me hostage for Christ sake. "Just take me to the store you dickhead" I was honestly so done with him.

I needed to get out this room and I needed to go to the store ASAP. "I'm not going to the store because you won't tell me what it is" Chris was trying to put his foot down but little did he know I was far better at this game than he was. "Look I need pads either you take me to get them, or you can suffer the consequences of trying to find the perfect pads for me which I guarantee that you won't and then you'll have to take me to pick them out anyways, or we can always go with the option of me bleeding everywhere" there was a long pause before he finally responded.

"Fine I'll take you to the store" was all he said before it went completely silent. I waited patiently by the door until a boy comes in. "Hey seugmin did Chris send you for me" he just gives a simple nod. "Felix and I" he simply says while fully opening the door that he was standing in just enough to show his body. Once he swung open the door it revealed Felix. The orange haired boy waved at me.

Since staying here Chris has sent the boys at least once so that they could introduce themselves since I'm gonna be seeing a lot more of them. I've learned about what these boys do. Since I had nothing better to do the least I could do was steal information on the guys I'm going to be living with from now on.

For instance Chris is the oldest and the leader. He calls the shots, he looks over the plans, and makes sure everything runs smoothly he does need to do much work but Felix says Chris is the last resort and that he’s feel bad for anyone if Chris was called in. Then there's Minho. He is one of the main men on the field he's the look out and distraction, and supposedly from what I heard he does a damn good job at it. Plus Minho has a medical background so if anyone gets hurt he’s the man everyone goes to.

There's also changbin he's got quite the temper so they use him when there's need for extreme measures you know if they need .. a mess. I heard he can get pretty creative with that stuff.

Hyunjin, who often checks on me throughout the day is the sniper. He knows weapons like the back of his hands and could handle them blindfolded. Then it's Jisung, they call him Han. He is the best fighter in the house. You can have a gun in the fight and he could still win.

Felix known as the second Aussie of the house does the interrogations. He can get anyone to talk, his deep voice scares mostly anyone , but for the ones that are harder to get through. Let's just say they can either come out alive while missing some part of their body. Or they can come out in a body bag.

Seugmin is the hacker, he can hack into litterally anything. You name it, he can hack it. He's the one who got the information on my dad.

Last but definitely not least there's jeongin they all him I.N . He is silent but deadly. The red hair boy is like a ninja. They use him when they want to get the job done quickly but quietly.

We arrived downstairs where Chris was waiting for us at the door. I figured he was already handling business downstairs so he fetched the two boys to get me. "Thanks gentleman I got it from here" it was his nice easy of telling them to go away.

We got into his car and he drives us to a nearby store. I looks around searching for the right ones as he stands behind me trying to figure how the whole process works. I saw the pack I wanted and grabbed two of them. "Ahh now I know for next time" he says as if he has just been enlightened. "Next time?" I wanted to know what he meant by next time.

"Next time its you know... that time, I'll be able to pick out the right ones for you" that’s so aggravating! My only reason to get out the house was once again taken from me. Chan probably could tell that I was slightly disappointed by his statement so he changed it a little , I mean seeing that he’s talking to a hormonal women who’s not necessarily in the best mood at the moment. "I mean unless you'd like to do it for yourself" A small smile slightly appeared on my face as I handed the cashier the goods to ring up. "Is there anything else you want or need from here before we leave" Chris wanted to hurry out of here because this was time he could be spending working at home. "Nope" I was completely content with having what I needed so far.

Once we arrived back home I was instantly sent back to my room. Sitting there in boredom I looked around for some form of entertainment. There was absolutely nothing to do in this room and I was just now realizing it. For the past few days all I've been doing was sleeping and eating , so I didn't stop to think about it . I was too busy being sad about being locked up in a room by a bunch of psychos.

I looked over at the speaker not wanting to bother Chris because I rarely want to even speak to him. I walked over pushing the number 5 on the speaker and hoped this man was in his room.

"Hey kinely are you doing ok?" He genuinely sounded concerned. "Can you come over here please" I knew I didn't have to really ask him because he doesn't mind coming and checking on me anyways but I thought to ask just in case . "Sure just give me a sec" Hyunjin was always in here and even though Chris comes in often to talk to me he's always busy it's only for a few seconds before he goes back to "work".

Hyunjin came within fifteen minutes. He knocks making sure I'm not naked or anything. I think that it was pretty nice of him to do considering the other boys just come in as they please. I mean I know it's your home and all but a girl needs privacy.

"Come in" I yelled from my closet, I had just put on sweats and a hoodie to get a little comfortable. "You sent for me?" He walked in and closed the door behind him. "I was wondering if you could stay in here for a little longer than you normally do? I think I'm gonna go insane in here by myself" he chuckled at me being immensely dramatic. I put the back of my hand on my forehead pretending to be a damsel in distress.

He walked over to my bed and sat on it and patted on it which was his way of telling me to sit down. "Maybe you don't have to stay in here all the time" he seemed like he was getting somewhere but I was yet to follow. "What do you mean?" Was he gonna take me out this house or was I reading this wrong? "Its not much but maybe you could come to my room. There's tons of things to do in there. We just can't let Chan know I'm taking you out considering he wants you in the room." He fidgets a little wondering how I was going to respond to his offer.

Hell yeah I was gonna take this opportunity to leave the room! I had nothing else to do in the looney house. "Why not?" I shrug not wanting him to know just how excited I was. He grabs my head and leads me to his room all the way in the other side of the house.

My jaw dropped once he opened his room door to let me inside. He had arcade games like ddr, those ones when you race on the motorcycle, street fighter and pac man. He had a giant tv mounted on his wall in front of his bed and a wii console which I havent seen in years. "Told ya" he crossed his arms leaning against doorframe while admiring the dumb look of shock on my face.

"Where do we even start?" I was still looking around trying to pinpoint the first thing I wanted to do. "Doesn't matter where we start all you need to know is I'll kick your ass at any game in this room" his cockiness shines through, a side of him I haven't seen since I first met him.

What he didn't know was how competitive I can get "You're gonna be very disappointed when you realize how much you suck compared to me, especially when I beat you in dance revolution" It was on now. I can see a gleam in his eyes and knew he was almost if not just as competitive as I am.

Twelve rounds, six wins , and six loses later. We decided to watch a movie. "How's it feel to loose to someone as amazing as I?" I stood on his bed placing my hand on my hips. I'm sure he's yet to meet someone as dramatic as me. "We both won and lost the same amount of time so I'd say we're equally as amazing if you ask me" hes right about that but this his room and his games that he plays all the time if he didn’t win then it would be embarrassing. Hyunjin pulls my right leg causing me to fall on his bed. "You asshole!" My body had no control over itself. It was bouncing up and down on its own and I couldn't even stop it.

"You were to one who wanted to watch a movie and you can't even sit still" Hyunjin teases while I finally get myself together and sit up all the way in the bed. "Plus you weren't calling me a asshole when I took you out of your room." I gasped while holding my chest. "Oh how dare you?" I squinted my eyes at him and he laughed at me.

I must admit I haven't felt this good in a few days. I almost forgot that I was being held against my will but the thought is always in the back of my mind. I finally settle down and Hyunjin was nice enough to let me choose the movie I wanted. So here we were, on the bed watching a movie. For comfort I lay my head on his shoulder and her wraps his wraps around me.

I felt relaxed and almost safe. Soon I fell asleep with the movie playing in the background. Hyunjin was staying still trying not to wake me up. In fact so still that he ended up falling asleep himself.

I just needed to wake up on time before Chris realizes that I'm gone.

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