#but i don't want to go out of my way to meet black people specifically because that feels tokenizing!

[ellistocracy]

the problem with getting sensitivity readers is that it's a job and you have to pay them. which is fair but i don't have any money and it's highly doubtful that I'm going to make any

[benegesseritofficial]

The effects of face paint on Harrowhark's psyche

I've now cosplayed Gideon Nav 3 times, with my wife along as Harrow every time. Naturally, this has included full face paint for both of us each time and I have some thoughts.

Let me start by asserting that everything Muir writes in TLT about the face paint is accurate. Rubbing off your lips first, smearing into gray where the black and white meet, the way sweat makes it ooze but not run. I can't say if Muir (a known Homestuck) ever cosplayed as a troll, but I'm positive she tested out the practicality of the skull face paint or otherwise has first hand experience with extensive use of grease paint. Also, the way she describes normal people flinching when they see you is spot on.

I've noticed while putting on the make up that once most of my skin is covered, any flesh tones sticking out start to become unsettling. Specifically, the red/pink of the inner mouth and around the eyes jump out upsettingly. Every time I've done skull paint I find myself meticulously trying to patch over these edges of skin, despite knowing that it's inside skin that Shouldn't Have Make Up On It. Once my face is monochrome, I don't want to be able to see a scrap of real human under there. Smiling, or otherwise opening your mouth wide enough to see the pink, looks UNSETTLING. My own skin causes the uncanny valley effect. You see where this is going. In NtN we learn Harrowhark disassociates often enough that Crux isn't surprised or concerned to see "Harrow" insisting she's someone else. Obviously this is due to her schizophrenia, and perhaps trauma besides. But it doesn't account for every aspect of why Harrow's "like that." On her most lucid days Harrow ignores her body to the point of sweating blood and passing out. She goes entire days without eating. She thinks of herself as a skeleton unfortunately covered in flesh. She sleeps in her paint.

All of which is heinous, but that last one has stuck with me. From age 13-18 I barely glanced down while I showered and whatever I saw I basically blocked out. I wore underwear and a bra under my pajamas to sleep every night. I was going through the wrong puberty, "my body was in open rebellion" as I liked to say at the time, and the only way to cope was to bind it down and pretend it wasn't happening. By Gideon's narration in HtN one gets the impression most nuns of the Ninth are putting their paint on after breakfast and taking it off when they get home. It's not even expected the average person wears it every time they leave the house. But Harrow regularly only takes her paint off in order to redo it. I suspect a combination of being the most brainwashed person in her own cult, knowing how she was conceived, and the regular disassociation make it very difficult for Harrow to conceptualize that she actually lives in a body. If she faced that fact head on she'd have to ask why it so often feels someone else is using her body. She'd have to cope with owning this body, being a part of this body, that was bought with the blood of 200 children who should have been her peers and friends. Instead she pretends it's an object on loan from them. And she does it with 10 layers of black petticoats and so much paint she never has to see her own skin.

Which brings me to the final thing I've noticed wearing full face paint. It dehumanizes you to yourself and everyone around you. I couldn't read my own expressions in a mirror. Even people who understood and were delighted with my cosplay were visibly nervous talking to me. You don't look like a person. Studies have shown that faces wearing heavy make up are ranked as harder to read and perceived as less empathetic. It's a particularly insidious trap of patriarchy that many women find self esteem in wearing make up, while that very act makes everyone around them treat them more callously. And, worst of all, if you stop wearing it once you're used to it, your naked face is shocking. You look sick due to your colors being less bold and the normal small flaws of your face appear unbearably ugly. With all this in mind, Harrow has trapped herself in a feedback loop of not being able to witness her own face and becoming more and more disgusted with the flesh and person underneath whenever she has to glance at it.

[kpop---scenarios]

Take Me Home

Pairing: Song Mingi x Reader

Warning: Jealousy, Smutty smut. [18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I forgot I had some of this written...so here you go lol

“Y/N…Y/N.” You hear, your body being shaken. You open one eye, seeing a man you didn't want to see. Your husband's bodyguard and the only person he truly trusted.

“What?” You groan, looking over at the clock. Shit. 6pm, your afternoon power nap had gone on a lot longer than you expected it too.

“Your presence has been requested tonight.” San says, holding up a dress for you.

“By who?” You ask, sitting up, rubbing your eyes.

“Your husband.” He says.

“My husband? My husband, who I haven't seen in the last few weeks since we've been married, that husband?” You ask.

San nods his head, while you stretch out your still sleepy body. “Where?”

“Club K.” He tells you.

“Is there anything specific happening tonight?” You ask, crawling out of your bed, the one you were supposed to share with your husband but you'd been sleeping in it alone.

“There's a deal. He needs you to get ready and meet him there.” San says, laying the dress down on the bed before exiting the room.

You hadn't even heard two words from Mingi since he'd been gone but yet he was able to just demand you show up somewhere? That's really fair. You would go, because you were a good wife, but you weren't going to be happy about it. It had been instilled in you when you grew up that what your husband asks of you, you do so without hesitation, and that's what you would do.

You'd fallen for Mingi over the short time your parents had you meet and get to know each other before you got married. And you knew he felt the same too, but unfortunately for you, he let his work take over his life, but part of you had expected to be a little more involved with him after the wedding. Maybe that would come, in time. You hoped but you weren't expecting much.

Over the next few hours, you took your time doing your makeup and your hair, until San began aggressively knocking on your bedroom door, trying to rush you.

“I'll be out in a minute. Just getting dressed.” you yell as you slip on the long black halter dress San had brought in for you earlier. It fits you perfectly, hugging the curves of your body just right, the long slit showing off your legs. You smile to yourself, slipping on your heels, feeling extra sexy tonight. You grab your bag, pulling open the door where San waited for you.

“Let's go.” You tell him, making your way to the staircase. San follows closely behind you, he was the best of the best and the only one your husband trusted to keep an eye on you when he was away.

“Just go in the front. Yunho is working at the door. He knows you're coming. I'm gonna park the car and I'll meet you inside.” San says, pulling up to the club. You get out of the car, adjusting your dress before you wave to Yunho, who opens the rope for you to pass and make your way inside, leaving the line of groaning people behind you. As you walk inside, you don't see your husband anywhere, so instead of trying to find him, you make your way to the bar, getting a few shots before you begin your hunt.

“Hey.” You hear from behind you. You turn to look, hoping to see someone you knew but it wasn't. “You're gorgeous.” The man smiles.

“I know. Thanks.” You say, turning around, walking past him to continue the hunt for your husband, but when you spot him, he's not alone. He's surrounded by a few men that you know, some that you don't and a beautiful woman, with her hand resting on his bicep.

If that's how he wanted to play things, you were more than capable of doing the same.

You headed back to the bar, ordering a few more shots, taking them as you glared at Mingi and the woman. This isn't something that was done, especially in public. You could feel your buzz set in almost immediately after the fifth shot. You keep your eyes on them as you make your way to the dance floor, feeling every beat of the song that was playing, rubbing your hands all over your body as you sway your hips. You watch as one of Mingi's men points you out, just as someone slides a pair of hands around your waist, holding you closely. You watch as Mingi’s smile fades from his face, anger quickly replacing it. He pulls his moves away from the group, yanking his arm from the woman, who stumbles slightly but the sudden movement. You turn around, seeing the man from earlier dancing behind you. “Get off me.” You scoff, pushing him away.

“I just wanted to dance.” The man laughs, trying to go back to the same position.

“So did I, alone.” You say, rolling your eyes. Before the man can answer, Mingi slips past you, grabbing the man by his collar.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Why the fuck are you touching my fucking wife?” Mingi spits, tossing the man to the floor. Minhi gets on top of the man, smashing him in the face with his fist, over and over again.

“Fuck, Mingi!” You yell. He stops, turning to look at you, anger still spread across his face. You roll your eyes, storming off the dance floor, heading towards the bathroom. You open the door to the ladies room, highly loudly as you lean against the sink. You look at yourself in the mirror, adjusting your makeup before you move back to grab the door. Before you can, the door is pushed in, Mingi steps into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“Where do you get off letting other men touch you?” He asks, cocking his head to the side as he begins to roll up his sleeves.

“Me?” You scoff. “Where do you get off letting other women touch you?” You ask.

“That wasn't…” he begins. You put your hand up, moving past him, to leave the bathroom but he grabs you, pinning you against the door.

“You don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you.” He whispers in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. He pulls himself back slightly, staring you in the eyes. Your eyes dart from his down to his plump lips before back up. Mingi pins you against the door as his lips crash to yours. He pushes his body against yours as he slides his tongue into your mouth, the kiss becoming needy and passionate. Mingi's hands roam your body. You move your hand to his chest, feeling his hard muscles beneath his shirt, before moving your hand down over his stomach, feeling the rigidness of his abs. You move your hand lower, grazing your palm over the bulge in his crotch, making him moan into your mouth.

Mingi pulls himself away from you. "Open." He demands. You open your mouth, watching him as he places two fingers in your mouth. You close your mouth around his fingers, sucking them hard. He pulls his fingers from your mouth, turns you around,lifts your skirt up and moves your panties to the side. He takes his two fingers pushing them inside of you, making you moan.

He pulls his fingers from your mouth, turning you around to lift up your dress, and moving your panties to the side. He takes his two wet fingers between your pussy lips, pushing them deep inside of you, making you cry out.

"Shit." You cry.

He pumps his fingers in and out of you a few times before pulling them out, unbuttoning his pants, letting his cock spring free before lubing his cock with your juices. Mingi moves you to the counter, harshly bending you over. He lines his cock up with your opening, ramming himself into you.

You clench your teeth together as your pussy stretches out to fit his large cock. "Fuck." He grits, his hands holding onto your hips and he starts harshly thrusting in and out of you at a rapid pace. You can feel your pussy juices seeping from inside you every time he pulls himself out just enough, before slamming back into you. Mingi moves his hand from your hips wrapping his arm around your neck, pulling you into his chest.

“So fucking tight.” He groans, squeezing his arm around your neck tightly as he pushes his cock into you, even harder. His thrusts are fast and hard, your eyes roll back into your head with each thrust.

"Oh.. my.. god." You stutter, his arm squeezing tighter. His other hand reaches down between your legs, using two fingers to rub your clit quickly. "Shit. Fuck I'm going to cum." You cry out. His fingers rubbed quicker, moving his other hand up to your mouth, shoving his fingers into your mouth as he continued to rub your clit with his other hand. You suck on his fingers harder, your orgasm hitting seconds later, your body shaking as you work through your high, Mingi still pounding your pussy.

Mingi takes his hand from your mouth and away from your clit, bending you back over the sink, his fingertips digging into your hips as he works on his own orgasm.

“Cum in my pussy… please baby.” You pant.

Mingi grunts as his own orgasm hits, his legs shake as he shoots his load inside you. "Fuck." He groans, his cock throbbing, his thrusts slowing down as he milks himself, filling you up.

Mingi breathes as he pulls his cock out of you, tucking himself back into his pants before grabbing some tissue to clean you up.

“Thank you.” You murmur, your legs still shaking. Mingi laughs, helping you adjust your dress before throwing you over his shoulder.

“Let's get you home and in bed. You're not gonna be able to walk after round two.” He smirks.

“You think you're getting a second round?” You giggle. Mingi slaps your ass as he walks out of the bathroom with you.

“I'm getting a second, third and fourth round.” He murmurs. “San, cancel the meeting. I've got plans with my wife.” He shouts, walking out of the club with you draped over his shoulder.

“That's right baby, take me home.”

[hurts2think]

Hi, again, you were the first person I asked for a fanfic from and you'll be the second and then I'll ask about the same character again (I don't know if my first request was sent).

Bridget(specifically the Queen of Hearts) x fem!Reader, where the reader is a bit like Alice Kingleigh(except without being underage, of course) and is located at the time of the croquet game, and the Cheshire Cat starts to making fun of the Queen of Hearts and the reader tries to stop it but ends up making everything worse in a romantic way

🌹The Queen of Hearts x Reader🌹

Reader pronouns: she/her

Pairing: The Queen of Hearts x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Plot: Reader takes the role of Alice (as an adult of course) and is stuck in Wonderland. She finds her way off to meet the Queen in hopes for help but she only manages to anger the Queen. Fortunately for her, the Queen is fond of pretty women.

Extra: Hello! I just wanted to say I did receive your last request and it is currently in the works. But this idea just struck me with inspiration! I will get to your other one too :) thank you for the request.

It was dark and overwhelming. You sat on a rock and looked into your hands. How could you ever find your way home now? It felt like you'd been stuck in this place for ages. All alone and bothered by everything you touch. All alone yet nothing would leave you alone. So now you had no choice but to sit.

When you were a child, you parents always told you that if you were lost to stay in one place. Someone would surely find you. But how would anyone even think to look for you here? You weren't a child anymore. No one was looking for you like you were one.

"Is something wrong?"

A cheeky voice from behind you speaks up. You turn around and see a pink and purple cat with an unnatural grin. You've run into him before and you're concluded the only thing he's up to is mischief.

"Of course something's wrong. I've been stuck here for so long and I can't find my way." You let out a heavy sigh, looking back at the ground and sulking.

The cat purred and stretched across the branch he was sat on, "Why obviously. It's because you have no way... The only way here is the Queen's way." He says, the grin never leaving his face.

Your head perks up and you look back at the Cheshire Cat, "The Queen? I haven't met any Queen." You say, raising a brow.

Somehow the cat's grin managed to grow larger, "Oh? You haven't? But you simply must! She'd be just mad about you. She loves girls with pretty faces."

You stand up from the rock and face the cat, "How do I find her?" You ask. The Queen surely would know how to get out of here! She could definitely help you!

The cat stands on his two hind legs, "Well... Some people go that way," he mimicked walking to the right, "and some people go this way," he mimicked walking to the left, "But me, personally, I prefer this way." He says, putting his paw on one of the branches and pulling it.

The tree suddenly revealed a door and it opened. Your eyes widened in surprise. Compared to the dark and scary forest you were in now, through the door were hedges of green mazes and beautiful blue skies, "Oh, thank you Cheshire." You say, rushing in through the door and down the maze.

The maze had many paths and turns, all very sharp and abrupt. But it didn't take you long before you heard something. More like, someones.

"No, Two! You have to paint under the petals too or she'll see we painted them!" A voice yelled from around the corner.

You peak your head around the corner of the hedge and see three gardeners dressed in white and black attire. They were all holding paint brushes that dripped with red paint and painted white roses on the bushes.

You grow curious and slowly approach, "Excuse me. Why are you painting the roses?"

The three gardeners turn to you in sync,

"Oh well, because we accidentally planted the white ones and the Queen only likes the red ones. And with a mistake like this, it could be off with our heads!" One of them that had a '3' sewed into his top said, mimicking his head being chopped off with the red covered paint brush.

"Oh dear..." You say, growing concerned over the statement, "Then perhaps I should help you?" You offer, taking an extra paint brush from one of the paint buckets.

But as you pick up a brush you suddenly hear trumpets. The three gardeners begin to panic, snatching the brush out of your hand and hiding the evidence of the painting ever happening.

Then one of the gardeners grab you by the wrist and pull you to the side, gesturing you to follow and bow down.

You do just that, though confused as to what was happening, you still bowed, tilting you head down.

Numerous guards march their way into the garden, standing aside and making way.

Then one announced,

"Her Royal Highness, her grace, her excellency, The empress of Wonderland, The Queen of Hearts."

The Queen walked through. She was beyond beautiful. She had pin straight hair that was red as blood. Her crown was filled with hundreds of diamonds and her dress was more regal than you've ever seen, even in Auradon. Though she wasn't particularly tall, her presence towered over anyone around.

Even her stone cold expression made your chest feel heavy.

"Your majesty," All of the bowed guards and the gardeners said in unison as she walked through.

None of them dared to look at her but you couldn't seem to keep your eyes off of her, even with your head bowed down.

The Queen looked down on everyone around, walking ahead of the guards. Every step she took demanded respect and showed her royal status.

But she suddenly stopped by the rose bush. She silently touched the tip of her index finger to the painted rose, leaving a spot of paint on her finger.

"Who has been painting my roses?" She asks, her voice having the weight of a hundred daggers in your back.

The three gardners stood up, clearly petrified by the question, "Y.. you're majesty, I must say, it was two's idea!" The man labeled as '3' suddenly accused.

"Me? Of course it wasn't! It was Ace!" Two accused the man with an 'A' labeled on his top.

"Silence!" The Queen demanded, her eyes darkening as she approached the four of you. You stayed down, your heart beating faster in fear.

"Please, your majesty, we're very sorry, it will never happen again." Three pleads, dropping to his knees.

"I assigned you such a simple job and you could not even do it correctly? You make a mockery of me. Do you know what I am to do about that?" She asks, her British accent regal and quite attractive. The question was rhetorical. The three men clearly knew what happened next.

But before the Queen was about to scentence them to anything severe, her eyes laid on you, "And who might she be?"

"Oh, uhm—"

"Hush." Despite asking you a question, she immediately shushed you. With one wave of her hand she dismissed the gardners, her focus entirely on you now. She used her index finger, placing it under your chin and tilting you head up to get a good look at you. "You're not from here, and yet you're on royal grounds. Is there a reason for such things?"

You gulp, feeling like you were about to start sweating. You didn't know what it was you were feeling but it was making you feel hot. You twiddled your thumbs and felt you were about to sink into the ground below you, "Well, you see, I'm—"

"Do speak up when you address me." The Queen demanded. "Keep your head up and speak nicely. And don't twiddle your thumbs." She looked you up and down as if judging your appearance. "Point your toes out and curtsey before speaking again."

You do exactly as your told with now hesitation, pointing out the toes of your mary janes, lifting your blue skirt slightly and curtseying.

"Good girl." She said though it sounded more like she was mocking you, "And always say 'Yes, your Majesty.' That is how you shall address me."

"Yes, your majesty." You repeat.

The Queen places a hand on your shoulder. It was light but you felt like her hand would claw off your arm at any moment. She began to walk at a slow pace, urging you to follow her

"Now tell me, where are you from and where are you going?" The Queen questioned.

"Well, your majesty, I'm trying to find my way—"

You then get cut off again by a small laugh from the Queen. Not a real laugh. The kind of laugh that was more of an amused sound that came from her without even opening her mouth. As if what you said offended her.

You tried to think of the right words to not offend her but it was like anything that came out of your mouth had the potential of angering her, "I was just thinking—"

The Queen's eyes rolled in annoyance, "I don't care what you're thinking. With a face like that you're possibly just better off not thinking and just sitting still and looking pretty."

Her constant interruptions should irritate you beyond belief, but her words made your face feel hot and your chest tight, "Yes, your majesty. I just wanted to ask—"

And yet again, you were interrupted with just a wave of her hand to silence you, "I'll be asking the questions, hm?" She declared, stopping in her tracks and looking you up in down again, "Do you play croquet?"

The question caught you off guard. But it made you smile. Finally! A word you could make sense of! "Yes, your majesty. I do play."

"Wonderful." She said, the word dripping off her tongue like poison and a smile laced with venom.

With one demand from the Queen, all of her royal guards set up a game of croquet. It was finally something you could recognize. Something that made sense to you.

The Queen, naturally took her turn first. She picked up the red mallet, a guard placing the matching ball in front of her.

With one light hit, the ball shot through, giving her a perfect score.

She smiled cockily, pleased by her own accomplishment as the guards cheered for her.

"Your turn, dear." She said, walking to where you were standing aside.

You give a small nod and pick up the blue mallet. But, to your surprise, once you were about to hit the ball, your mallet turned into a blue flamingo. Your swing of the mallet was thrown off by the flamingo suddenly flapping it's wings, pulling you in every direction. You yelped at the suddenty of it.

"Stop—! You stupid—" you yell in frustration but couldn't seem to get the flamingo to cooperate. You were then suddenly knocked off your feet and landed on the grass.

The Queen watched in amusement, tapping her fingers against her own mallet. It was as if she found your frustration and misfortune entertaining.

"Well, that was a bit of a sorry turn, wasn't it?" She let out another sound of amusement, taking place on the playing field again.

You wished you could demand how it was unfair but you didn't. You watched as she was about to hit her ball again until the Cheshire Cat suddenly appeared behind her with a grin.

"How are you getting on?" The cat asked.

"Not at all." You huffed, crossing your arms, very frustrated with this whole ordeal.

"Hmm? What?" The Cheshire asked for you to repeat, as if he didn't hear you.

"I said, not at all!" You yelled, having enough of his mischief.

The Queen suddenly spun on her heel to face you, the cat disappearing again, "Who are you talking to?" She demanded.

The cat appeared behind her yet again with a grin,

"The cat, your majesty!" You say, pointing to the Cheshire behind her.

She turned her head to see no cat. She glared back at you, "What cat?" She seemed to be growing angrier.

The Cheshire appeared behind her again, "There!" You pointed again. And yet when she looked he was gone again.

The Queen was furious, assuming you were trying to play some sort of joke, "I'll have you know, I do not tolerate jokes." She marched toward you, grabbing you by the collar of your blue dress.

You wanted to defend yourself but only fell silent and nodded your head.

She turned back to her ball and there was the cat again. Only this time on her shoulder, still somehow unknown to her.

"Ya know, we could make her really mad?" The cat suggested with a grin. He stuck his paw out as if to grab her her crown or her hair or something, you weren't sure.

In a desprate attempt, to stop him from angering her more, you launch to try and grab him, only for him to disappear. And to your horror, you stumble into the Queen of Hearts. You and her both get knocked off your feet.

You fall on top of her, making your face heat up and your face go red. How could you not be flustered? Really, you should be scared. But being so close to such a beautiful woman like her made you feel all hot and bothered.

"Oh dear, I am so sorry, your majesty!" You quickly get off of her, "Please forgive me, I didn't mean to!" You quickly apologize, reaching out to help her up.

"Don't touch me." She demanded, standing up on her own and fixing her dress. She was not happy now.

"Please, forgive me. I was only trying to stop the cat." You plead.

The Queen takes a step closer to you, invading your personal space. You were horrified of what she would do next.

She put a hand on your shoulder and straightened the sleeve of your dress, looking down on you.

"You're lucky that I'd be too ashamed to cut off such a lovely head such as your own."

Your eyes were wide and you felt like you might explode. You definitely did not like the idea of your head being cut off. But it seemed that wasn't what she had in mind for you.

Even the guards seemed shocked she didn't immediately scentence you to be beheaded.

"I may have some use for you." She said, humming in thought for a moment, "Follow me." She demanded, walking back towards the castle and the guards immediately setting back to formation and guiding the two of you to the castle.

You had no idea what she had in store for you but you could only hope it was nothing as bad as your head being removed from your shoulders. Though it seemed that somehow she managed to take a liking to you. You just had to hope it stayed that wa

[keerysfreckles]

ok, so I saw your Newsies smau and I was thinking...

Reader plays Eurydice on Hadestown and a while back she broke up with her toxic ex. But then she meets one of the drivers (u can choose which one) at a show one day and yk they fall in love. Inspired by the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown.

This is hyper specific and u can ignore this, I'm just rambling here

all i've ever known — LN4

pairing: lando norris x bway!reader

warnings: slight smut, allusions to smut, not proofread

a/n: sorry not sorry but ive never listened to the hadestown soundtrack SO going off the vibes of the show and what i know of it from tiktok 🤞🤞

masterlist !

⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

for the past three months oscar has been begging lando to go to a broadway show with him. every time the brit is asked, he argues that lily should go with oscar. which he denies, explaining lily's hate towards musicals.

yes, maybe oscar was trying to set up one of his closest friends with his teammate. what could be so bad about him trying to be a good wing man?

after asking non stop during the weekend, lando finally agreed to fly to new york with oscar.

on the plane, oscar tried his best to explain the musical to lando. lando however only got more confused as oscar kept talking, so he opted to look it up on google instead.

"why are you so insistent with me going with you anyway? there's 18 other drivers to pick from," lando asks as he and oscar walk through the streets of new york, on their way to the theater. oscar kept looking down at his phone at google maps, displaying the directions to the address.

"first off, you're the closest friend i have on the grid. and second, there's someone i want you to meet."

lando chuckles, "so this was just to set me up?" oscar simply nods. "does my love life seem that depressing to you?"

oscar doesn't answer as they arrive at the theater, already having a large line queued. the mclaren drivers wait in line, signing things and taking pictures here and there as the line continues moving.

both men are handed a playbill at the entrance, to which lando immediately flips through as oscar leads them to their seats.

oscar points out to lando his friend, y/n, in the small booklet. her black and white picture is at the top of the second page, along with a male, who lando could only guess was the other lead in the show.

"your friend is the lead?" lando asks in shock.

oscar laughs, "yeah, she's actually going to school for musical theater at nyu."

lando whistles and looks through the cast again, now noticing a certain celebrity who's playing the male lead.

"jordan fisher?"

oscar only laughs again at his over enthusiastic friend. "you know, for someone who kept saying no, you seem pretty excited to be here."

before lando could come up with a proper comeback, the lights started dimming in the theater, hushing the crowd.

oscar kept stealing glances towards lando throughout the whole show. he couldn't help but smile as his face lit up as y/n first stepped out on stage.

lando looked like a kid in a candy store. his cheeks flushed and eyes wide, with a smile adorning his features.

at intermission lando immediately started praising y/n towards oscar, telling him how she was made for the stage.

"why don't you tell her that?"

lando only furrowed his eyebrows in response.

"at the end of the show people wait by the stage door to hopefully meet the cast. y/n promised she'd meet us out there."

the two continued talking. oscar answering any questions lando had about the show so far.

the second act of the show went the same as the first, lando being in awe of y/n and oscar smiling at his friend because of his actions.

intentional or not, oscar could tell lando already thought highly of y/n. now the australian could only hope they'd get along once they met.

as soon as the lights dimmed on stage, the audience roared in applause and cheers.

oscar and lando cheered louder when y/n stepped forward, there was no surprise there.

now the duo was waiting outside the theater, their arms wrapped around themselves to try and keep them warm in the chilly new york wind.

"you alright? you seem kind of nervous," oscar states, noticing lando swaying more then usual. a nervous habit he's picked up on over the past year or so.

lando simply shrugs. he was not about to share with oscar how he might've just fallen in love with girl on stage. he never believed in love at first sight before, but now his mind has been changed.

the stage doors opened, revealing y/n and her costar jordan fisher. both were eager to meet the fans who waited, and signed pictures and other items, as well as take pictures with the fans and answer any questions they had.

as y/n was finishing signing a picture for a fan, oscar called her over.

"oscar!" y/n giggled as she jogged towards him and lando.

oscar hugged and congratulated her, lando doing the same.

"so you're the famous lando he keeps talking about," y/n smiles up at him, taking in his features for the first time.

lando laughed before looking at oscar, "what on earth have you told her about me?"

"nothing bad don't worry," oscar pats his shoulder, as y/n simply chuckles.

⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧ ˚

three weeks have passed since y/n and lando met. they were lucky enough to get each other's phone numbers before departing on the night they met. the two haven't stopped talking since.

lando told y/n he'd be back in new york with his close friend max.

y/n couldn't help but grow excited at the news, counting down the few days until lando would be back in the states.

to add to the surprise of lando showing up, he was currently waiting outside the stage door, just like last time when he was here.

he made sure to keep the secret of being in the audience tonight, knowing how happy it would make y/n once she saw him there.

just like every other night, y/n was talking with the fans, simply going down the line taking pictures and signing items.

it was when she turned, "lando!" she laughed, finally noticing the brit standing off to the side.

she ran towards him, jumping against him to tackle him in a hug. he held his arms out, prepared for impact as he spun her around once.

"i thought you were getting here tomorrow," y/n holds onto his biceps as he sets her down, his hands never leaving her waist.

"i convinced my friend to leave a day early. mainly 'cause you had a show tonight."

"lan, that is so sweet," the nickname fell right off her tongue. lando couldn't help but feel his cheeks warm as she said it.

"only issue is he's still getting here tomorrow," lando frowns slightly, "he was busy filming a video for quadrant."

y/n nods in understanding, then an idea hits her. "well if you don't have a hotel already, you could stay at my apartment?"

lando chooses to ignore the feeling in his chest as she asked, simply nodding.

"great! my cars just parked in the garage behind the theater," y/n boldly grabs a hold of his hand, not that he'd complain for one second about it.

"sorry it's not as fancy as your many mclarens," y/n laughs as the two get in the small car.

"it suits you," lando smiles, sending a shiver down y/n's spine.

the continue continue talking on the way to y/n's apartment. the conversation flowing from lando's hobbies, to y/n's least favorite food, and to what they like to do on their free time.

"it might be a bit messy," y/n states as she unlocks the door.

lando looks around after stepping inside. the walls of the living room are decorated just as he imagined, colorful yet collected. everything went together.

"are you hungry? or just tired?" y/n asks.

"i'm insanely jet lagged, but was worth it staying up to see you perform again," he smiled, watching as a blush made it ways to y/n's cheeks.

"are you okay with the couch?"

lando nods, watching the girl get two blankets and a pillow from somewhere in a room down the hallway. lando guessed it was from her own room.

y/n now noticed lando was still wearing jeans, knowing their not the most comfortable item to sleep in.

after finding a pair of extra large sweatpants and a larger shirt for lando, the two exchanged goodnight. y/n closed her door as she heard the netflix app loading on her living room tv.

what both y/n and lando weren't aware of, is how they couldn't get the other out of their heads.

lando thought about how close he and y/n have gotten in the past month. he only wanted to know more about her.

y/n was in the same boat in her room, as she kept tossing and turning, messing up her sheets more and more. of course she would admit she likes lando, just never to his face.

she loved when he was around, and only wished he was around whenever the two were apart.

five minutes pass as y/n's done contemplating about the ordeal. 'now or never' she tells herself while getting out of her bed. she takes a deep breath before opening her bedroom door.

"lan?"

lando was stood in front of her, equally as startled. she notices his hand raised slightly, she could only guess he was going to knock on her door.

lando's gaze flickers between y/n's eyes, before silently pulling her face towards his. her hands immediately fall to his waist while their lips collide.

he simply pushes forward, guiding them into her room as the kiss only grows more heated.

y/n moans into lando's mouth as his teeth graze her bottom lip. the two's lips stay connected as y/n's legs hit her bed.

their heavy panted breaths mix as y/n brings lando's shirt over his head. she can't help but stare at his toned body, blushing as he catches her in the act.

lando helps her lean back onto her bed, kissing down her exposed neck, his pants growing tighter at the feeling of her fingers gripping onto his curls.

"lan," y/n mumbles, "lando," she calls again.

he looks down at her, his pupils wide and breathing jagged. "yeah?"

"do you want this? like really want this?" y/n asks, not wanting to force anything on him.

lando quickly nods, "y/n i've never been more sure of anything."

he leans down to kiss her, this one being slower than before. a silent agreement between the two, both knowing how they needed this.

[ktempestbradford]

A Story for Star Trek Day

I've told this story on Twitter before. I tell it every Star Trek Day and whenever a Deep Space 9 anniversary rolls around. It's about me and Avery Brooks (aka Best ST Captain Benjamin Sisko).

The college my mother went to specifically started recruiting top Black students in the 60s. Due to this, the Black kids all mostly knew each other as they were in that same program. Avery Brooks went to the same college and they were good friends.

(She once told me he had a huge crush on her and I was like MOM. MOTHER. WHAT. HOW COULD YOU HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.)

Anyway, many of the students in this program remained friends long after college. So over the years as Avery was getting TV gigs & such we would all watch cuz he was my mom's friend & I thought that was the coolest. There was one particularly fun night when my best friend's uncle, Frankie Faison, guest starred on A Man Called Hawk. TWO people we know on TV!

When I was in middle school Avery was touring his production of "Paul Robeson" and it came through our town, so I got to see him perform in person (awesooooome) and meet him for the first time since I was a baby (which I did not remember, of course).

Now, backing up a little bit: I am a Star Trek fan because of my mom. She loved the original series and I remember being a wee Tempest in front of the TV watching The Wrath of Khan and us excitedly going to see Star Trek IV together.

I watched TNG from the instant it appeared on TV because of her. I watched all of The Animated Series even though everyone looked "wrong". (Man... it took me 4 months to realize that dude in the red shirt was Scotty cuz I'd only ever seen movie Scotty.)

Then... they announced Deep Space 9.

We heard Avery Brooks would be the commander and there was MUCH rejoicing around our house. DS9 turned out to be the best Trek ever and, of course, Avery was awesome. This was around the time my mom dropped that "he had a crush on me but I wasn't interested" bombshell.

I'm still bitter.

I mean, I love my dad he's great. But SISKO COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.

I lost my mom in 1999. She was--and I'm not exaggerating--an extraordinary woman and beloved by many. I received so many beautiful messages of condolence from her friends all the way back to those college years, including Avery. So many people remembered her fondly. <3

I kept watching Star Trek and often talked to her as if she was there during episodes. She would have LOVED Discovery. Especially since she took me to RENT the year I started college. I'm sure she would have shared my opinion of Enterprise as well. But she loved her some Scott Bakula, so she would have watched, anyway.

I got the chance to interview Avery Brooks at DragonCon back in 2013 (jeez, it's been almost 10 years omg). Before the interview, I went up to him on the Walk of Fame and I said:

Hi, I'm (name K stands for) Bradford, I don't know if you remember me...

And he looked up and said: Of course I remember you.

We talked for a bit and I asked if I could come back and interview him later and he said yes (he wasn't supposed to; his handler had A LOOK). I didn't want to hold up his line, so I said I'd see him later.

Before I could go, he reached out for my hand and squeezed it before saying: I loved your mama, you know.

And we just stayed like that for a few seconds, missing her together.

...I might have been trying very hard not to burst into tears.

That DragonCon was the last time I saw Avery. Barring an extraordinary circumstance, that's probably the last time I'll see him in person. I'm glad we got to have that moment together. And we had a great conversation!

His contribution to Trek has meant so much to me. SISKO4EVA

And I'm glad that it's another tie between me, my mom, and Trek. I can't watch DS9 without hearing her voice giving color commentary. Even the episodes she didn't live to see.

I think Star Trek is part of what gave her hope for the future. She passed that on to me. ❤️🖖🏾❤️

Happy Star Trek Day to all who celebrate.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Falling in love again (Christen Press x Reader)

Writers block is being a pain at the moment so sorry it's been a while since I posted. I'll be back to trying to write my list of requests in a few weeks when I'm back from holiday. This wasn't requested, just a random idea and probably not very good but I hope you like it!

Warnings: Death of a partner, grief. If you find anything else let me know and I'll add it!

Words: 4.3K

---

Almost two years had passed since I lost my person. The person I thought I would spend my life with, the person I loved more than I thought it was possible to love someone. Life was cruel like that, giving you a person who understood you, who loved you so deeply, only to rip it away in the worst way possible. The day the phone call came, telling me Talia had been in an accident that claimed her life was a blur. Honestly, at times it still felt like a dream. The overwhelming grief, disbelief and fear I felt that day still ever present if I thought back to it. 

I had almost quit soccer for good after that, but I knew she wouldn't want me too. Talia loved watching me play, she knew how much I loved it, always encouraging me and supporting me in everything I did. So I kept going, every game I played, I played for her. The grief had faded since then. It was always there, it always would be, some days were worse than others, but it was bearable. It didn't consume me like it once had.   

One of the things Talia used to love was colouring in my tattoos. Not that I would have admitted it to her, but once we started dating, my new tattoos were purely designed so she could colour them. Our spare time was often spent with her colouring them while I drew or did random stuff. It was something I found myself doing often, especially when I was missing her.

Someone sat down next to me as I slowly coloured in one of the many tattoos scattered over my body. I didn't pay them much attention, continuing colouring, "What are you doing?"

I shrugged, not looking up at Emily, "Colouring."

"Is she colouring in her tattoos again?" Kelley asked sitting across from us.

"Yup, we really need to get her paper or a colouring book."

"Have you ever noticed even when there's paper around she still does it? Look at how comfortable and peaceful she looks. It's like a built in stress relief." I fought the urge to chuckle at how they talked as if I wasn't there. To be fair I was only half listening. 

"Why do you colour in your tattoos?"

I sighed, putting down the pen. The team had been bugging me for months now about it. These were some of the people I trusted most in the world, there was no reason to keep hiding it from them. "It reminds me of my wife. She would sit there for hours colouring in my tattoos while I drew. It became sort of a routine."

"You're married? You don't wear a ring."

I pulled the chain around my neck that held a simple black band and a silver band with a line of diamonds. "Mine and hers," I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions, "She died almost 2 years ago, I only take it off for games."

"God Y/n, I'm so sorry," Ali said, pulling me in for a quick hug.

Alex was the next to pull me into a tight hug, "How come we never knew? We've known you longer then two years?"

"No one knew except our close friends and family. At the time we weren't as close as we are now and I guess I couldn't bring myself to mention it after. We never specifically hid it, just didn't put it out there. She never wanted to the world to know who she was. Never wanted who she was with to impact her kids."

"She had kids?"

"She was a teacher at a school for kids with disabilities. They meant the world to her, she would do anything for them. It was always a worry that her suddenly being known would affect her job in some way."

"It sounds like she was an amazing person. I'm sad we never got to meet her."

"You did, you just never knew who she was to me."

"Talia? I remember you mentioning that she passed away and that's why you took that break," Alyssa asked.

"Yup, we had been married 4 years the day you met her."

"That's why you completely disappeared that day then wouldn't tell us why."

A small smile appeared on my face remembering that day. We had booked a hotel room, ordered way to much room service, gave each other massages, then had a bath and watched movies. It was simple, but one of my favourite nights besides the day we got married, "She had flown in that weekend just so we could celebrate our anniversary. We never spent one apart."

---

Christen sat down on her bed, staring up at me for a second before speaking, "That's why you turn everyone down when they ask you out? Including me."

There had been many people over the years that had asked me on dates, all being turned down for obvious reasons. Christen had been one of them though, about a year after Talia passed. Besides Talia, Christen was the only person I could actually see myself with if I ever got to a point where I felt ready. That wasn't now, but part of me hoped it would happen soon. Despite the guilt and grief that was there, I wanted the chance to be happy again with someone. We had talked about it a few times and neither of us wanted the other to hold on for too long. Talia would want me to be happy, to move on and one day, when the time was right, I would.

I sighed sitting down next to Christen. Sitting or lying on the others bed was a pretty common occurrence when we roomed together. "You know I know she would want me to be happy, but every time I even think about starting to date again, it feels like I'm betraying her. Like if I start something, I'll forget her."

"You'll never forget her. No matter what you're doing or who you're with, she will always be in your heart. She'll always be your person, but you can love someone else while still loving her just as much as you always have. It's not one or the other and if the next person doesn't understand that then they aren't worth the time. There's no rush to move on."

"Thanks Chris. Out of all the people that have asked me out, you're the only one I thought about saying yes to. I'm sorry I wasn't ready."

Christen placed her hand on my knee, squeezing gently. Something that always seemed to make me feel peace. "Don't be. I always knew there was a slim chance of you saying yes and I accepted that. I was just happy that it didn't change our friendship."

"Would you still be open to that date? Not right now, but sometime in the near future."

"Of course I would. There's no rush or pressure though Y/n/n, whenever you're ready, I'm ready. And if you're never ready that's okay too."

--- Today was two years since Talia was taken. Of course it was game day. When I realised the date it was like a weight was sitting on my chest. Christen was still asleep so I slipped quietly into the bathroom to shower and let the tears out. I had originally been thinking about pulling out of the game, but after my shower I was actually feeling okay to play. I was determined to win for her. 

The final whistle blew as I clung onto whoever was closest, my knees trying to give out on me. The rush of emotions I felt was not what I expected. Happiness, relief, grief all rushing through me as I tried to hold it together in front of everyone. Letting my emotions show in front of friends or family was hard enough, I didn't need that happening in front of the fans. 

I managed to hold it together enough to greet the fans before we made our way to the locker room. As I put the necklace back on, I broke. Tears silently streaming down my cheeks before a sob forced it's way out. Instantly, Ali's arms wrapped around me tightly as I sobbed into her shoulder. I didn't like crying in front of people, but there was no stopping it. So for once, I just let it out with the comfort of the people I trusted most. 

Once I had calmed down, Ali finally spoke up, "What's going on Y/n/n?"

"I-it's been 2 years sin-since- I'm sorry."

Ali's arms tightened as another hand squeezed mine, "Never apologise for feeling how you feel. You can always feel how you feel with us. We've got you always."

We spent longer in the locker room than we normally would as the girls took turns comforting me and making sure I was okay before we left. After dinner, most of the team ended up in one of the rooms for team bonding. There were quite a few questions about Talia, normally I didn't talk about her much because of the emotions it brings up, but everyone seemed genuinely interested in her.  Also, talking about her was actually quite therapeutic.  

Even though it was therapeutic, talking about Talia still brought up emotions so I had found myself cuddled up with Ali for comfort. I had almost went to Christen for comfort, but the guilt had started to creep in again making me decide against it.

"How old were you when you got married? It must have been quite young," Tierna asked.  

"We were. We started dating at 19, married at 23.  Possibly too young in some peoples opinions, but at the time we just got the idea in our heads and went with it. I proposed and 2 months later we were married. My time with Talia was incredible, it was fun and low maintenance. We met in college when we both didn't have a lot of money, most of our dates in our first few years were picnics, walks or movie nights. 

I mean our first anniversary, we made each other homemade cards. Talia got me marshmallows because I was obsessed with them at the time and I got her chocolate and gummy bears. We ended up at the beach, making smores before going back to my apartment and making pasta for dinner. To this day that was probably one one of my favourites. Talia never cared about fancy or expensive things, that never changed the further I got in my professional career or as our money situation changed. She was just happy if we were together."

I knew I was rambling, but I couldn't help myself. Talking about Talia before I lost her was one of my favourite things. The girls didn't seem to mind though as everyone's attention seemed to be completely on me. "She sounds like she was an incredible person."

"She was. I think she would have gotten along with all of you. Especially Emily and Kelley. Talia loved pranks and just being annoying. She wrapped up a carrot and gave it to me more than once, she would pull little pranks all the time or poke and prod at me constantly."

Later that night, Christen got my attention as I slipped into my bed, "Hey, you doing okay? I know today was hard."

"It was, but I'm feeling okay right now. I think talking about her helped. I've never really let myself because of the emotions it brings up. Turns out it's quite freeing to talk about her."

"The team would agree, it was nice to hear about her. I can see how much you love her."

"It's uh not weird for you is it?"

"No. Y/n, she was your wife, you love her, you always will. I know that. If we were to eventually get to a point past friendship, I would never expect anything else. You can talk to me about her whenever you want and I don't want you to feel bad about it."

"Thank you Chris. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything. I have every intention of asking you on a date, I just need a bit of time."

"Hey, I don't think that at all. Like I said, there is no rush, there's no expectations."

---

It had been about six months since mine and Christen's initial conversation. I was finally feeling like I was ready to try dating again, all I had to do was ask. It had taken longer than I thought it would and a part of me was thinking that Christen would have lost interest by now or just didn't want to deal with my past. A part of me was tempted to not ask, to save myself from rejection, but I also knew there was no way to know unless I asked. 

"So."

"So?"

I took a deep breath, trying to clear some of the nerves that had been building. I had never asked one out let alone dated anyone else besides Talia. Christen sent me a small smile, the nerves melting away when I saw the adoration in her eyes. "Will you go on a date with me Chris?"

"You're ready for that?"

"I think so, I've been thinking about it a lot recently. It's just this is something I haven't done with anyone besides Talia so I might not be perfect or even close to it, but I'll try."

"I would love to Y/n. Just tell me if we go on this date and you realise you're not ready. I'll understand. You also don't have to be perfect, we'll figure this out as we go okay?"

"Thank you Chris. I'll pick you up at 6?"

"We're sharing a room."

"I'm going to get ready in Ali and Alex's room, that way I can pick you up."

"And they say chivalry is dead." 

---

Trying to plan a date was so far out of my comfort zone that I didn't even know where to start. Of course I had been on many dates with Talia, but that was different. It had been 10 or so years since my first and only first date. I knew Talia like the back of my hand, I knew what she liked, where she liked to go. Christen on the other hand, I knew her, but to a far lesser extent which was making me overthink. What if she didn't like what I planned? What if I did too much or not enough? 

Before I could continue to spiral, I decided to enlist the help of Tobin. Normally I would go to Ali, but Tobin was Christens bestfriend. 

"You okay Y/n?"

"No. Well yes but also no. Christen and I are going on a date tonight and I'm freaking out. I cannot for the life of me decide what to do. Every time something comes to mind, I convince myself that it's not enough. Chris will be the second person I've ever taken on a date, it needs to be perfect."

Tobin led me to sit on the bed as I had started to pace across the room. "Don't tell her I told you, but Chris doesn't care what you do, she's just happy to go out with you. Tell me your ideas?"

"I know she likes parks or gardens, beaches, picnics, museums, that sort of thing. There's not a beach around otherwise I would take her there and it'll be too late to take her to the museum but I found a nice park the other day. It has a lake and there were heaps of like lights and stuff. Was thinking picking up some takeaway and other bits to have a picnic at the park, but it doesn't seem like enough."

"Y/n, that is perfect. I know this is pretty much completely new to you, but you just need to try relax a little bit. You know Chris, she's your friend, you know what she likes. She's going to love a picnic in the park, maybe a walk around after."

"Thank you Tobs."

"Hey Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Chris is going into this knowing there's a chance you realise you're not ready and she'll understand that, everyone will. There'll be no hard feelings or anything. Just if that happens, please tell her sooner rather than later. I know you won't do it on purpose, but I don't want her to get her hopes up."

"I will. This wasn't a decision I made lightly, I feel ready and I'm really hoping I am. I admit, it does feel a bit weird, but I really like her Tobin. The last thing I want to do is hurt her."

Tobin smiled slightly, pulling me into a quick hug, "I know and so does Chris. Just take it one step at a time, you don't need to rush anything or do anything that doesn't feel right."

After one last hug I made my way to the door, "Thanks Tobs, I should go get ready before I make myself late."

Before heading back to my room, I ran down to the shop to get a few things. Picking out what to buy took longer than it should have. Everything I thought about buying, I ended up second guessing if Christen actually liked it. Time was running out though so I ended up picking out some wine I thought she liked and some other picnic type things.

Despite almost making myself late, I knocked on the door at exactly 6 pm, trying my best to push down the nerves. Tobin was right, Christen was my friend, I knew she didn't expect or even really like some fancy date. There was no real reason to be this nervous. Part of it was probably because of how new it was, part of me was second guessing if I was truly ready for this, but I think that was due to nerves and not wanting to hurt Christen. Another part was because it was Christen. Gorgeous, kind, thoughtful Christen. Anyone in their right mind would be nervous to be going on a date with her. 

"Hi Y/n/n."

"Hi."

Christen smiled, kissing my cheek softly, "You okay?" 

"A bit nervous, but I'm okay. You ready to go?"

We made our way out of the hotel, stopping to pick up takeaway before starting the ten minute walk to the park. Christen didn't ask about what we were doing, instead making random conversation. Knowing I was nervous, I had a feeling she was doing it on purpose to try calm me down. It was definitely working, my nerves were fading away the longer we talked and I wasn't thinking so much about if it was enough. Instead, I was letting myself be excited about it. 

When we got to the park, Christens eyes lit up as she looked around. I found a nice spot by the lake, spreading everything out on the blanket as Christen got comfortable. "How'd you find this place? It's beautiful."

"I stumbled upon it when I went for a walk the other night."

"You went for a walk, alone at night?"

"Maybe not my best idea, but I needed to clear my head away from our room, away from the hotel."

Concern covered Christens face as she straightened slightly, "Away from our room? Was I doing something wrong?"

"No, no you didn't do anything. I was trying to figure out if I asked you out or not. I guess I was worried that I had left it too long and maybe you weren't interested anymore. I also felt a bit guilty, making you wait so long. It seems unfair to you. Got in my head about it I guess. If you can't tell, I'm a bit of an overthinker sometimes."

"Well I'm glad you did. This wasn't unfair to me, I promise. You were honest about everything Y/n, you didn't give me false hope or lie to me. That was all I could ask of you. Are you feeling okay about this?"

"I am. Honestly, it feels a little bit weird which maybe you don't want to hear, but I'm really having a good time."

Christen smiled, taking my hand gently, "Look, I don't get how it feels, but I will never dismiss anything you're feeling. You can always talk to me about it. It's okay for it to feel weird because it probably is for you, I don't take offence to that."

"Thank you. Now lets eat before it gets cold."

We spent the next couple of hours talking about anything we could think of. There had never been anyone but Talia that I could talk to so comfortably without running out of things to talk about. That was until Christen came along. Long before there were any feelings, there had always been something about her that made me feel comfortable talking to her about things. Now I craved the conversations I could have with her. I wanted to get to know her more, from the mundane to the personal. 

Conversation continued as we walked around the park hand in hand then back to the hotel when it started to get late. The nerves had long faded by now, instead being replaced by giddiness and maybe butterflies. Going on a date with Christen felt right. Despite the lingering guilt, I knew Talia would approve. I knew that out of anyone to move on with she would have chosen Christen for me. That in itself brought a sense of peace. 

---

Christen slipped under the blankets on her bed, pulling me down with her. I laughed as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, mumbling something about wanting cuddles. Pulling her closer, I left a soft kiss against her forehead before speaking. "You want me to sleep in your bed tonight?" 

Christen just nodded. We had just got back from our fifth date in two weeks. They could have been spaced out since we lived in the same city, but I felt like a smitten teenager again. Instead of the nerves that plagued me for our first date, I was excited about the dates. Maybe to some it was too many too quick, but I didn't care and Christen didn't seem to either.

Despite the amount of dates we had been on, we were planning on taking things slow. It was my idea to take it slow as this was something I hadn't done in a long time. We had kissed for the first time at the end of the last one, but even though we were rooming together, we hadn't slept in the same bed yet.

"That can be arranged, but I need to get changed and brush my teeth." She groaned dramatically, but let me go with a pout. After completing my nightly routine, I took my necklace off, putting it next to the bed. It felt unfair to Christen to be sleeping in the same bed as her while still wearing my wife's ring.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking it off."

"Because you want to or because you feel you have to?" I just shrugged, Christen stood up, grabbing the necklace and putting it back around my neck before her arms wrapped around my waist from behind. "I will never make you take this off. I never want you to feel like you have to for me okay? You will always love her and that's okay. It doesn't mean you can't have that love for someone else as well."

I nodded leaning back into her. One of my biggest fears with dating someone new was that they wouldn't understand or get mad at the fact that I will always be in love with someone else. That person just happened to not be here anymore. It was scary that I already felt myself falling for Christen, she was just such a beautiful person, inside and out. I don't think I could stop myself from falling even if I wanted to.

---

Christen and I were lying on my bed as the movie credits started to play. We were supposed to go out, but I wasn't feeling up to it. Talia's birthday was in a few days and I had been thinking about her a lot. No matter how much time passed, I still missed her just as much. I was feeling somewhat guilty about the new realisation that I was in love with Christen, like I was being unfaithful to Talia. I felt guilty a lot when Christen and I first started dating. It had mostly faded over the 6 months we had been together, though it always got worse near dates to do with Talia. I just had to keep reminding myself that there was nothing to feel guilty about and that she would be happy for me.

"I hope she's proud of me," I stated quietly, mostly to myself.

Christen turned her head slightly, "Maybe I didn't know her very well, but I know she is. You've come so far in your life and career. You are an amazing person, anyone would be proud of you."

"Sometimes I wish I could have one last conversation with her. See what she thinks of my life, where I am, who I'm with. I still talk to her sometimes, almost expecting a response, but of course it'll never come."

Her fingers laced with mine, squeezing slightly, "I'm sure she's listening and she's happy that you're living the life you want. That's what the people who love us should want for us."

I rolled over so I could look at her properly, brushing a piece of hair out of her face, "Have I ever thanked you? For letting me talk about her, for understanding that me loving her doesn't take away from what I feel for you, for always being there for me on days like our anniversary, or her birthday or the anniversary of her death. It's something I am forever grateful for Chris."

"I will always do all of those things, you don't ever need to thank me. I love you Y/n, I'll always be there for you no matter what."

"Y-you love me?"

"I do. You don't have to say it back, I just wanted you to know."

I kissed her softly, trying to show everything I was feeling, "I love you Chris."

[helen-with-an-a]

MASTERLIST

Hi. I'm Helen-with-an-a, and this is my masterlist.

Requests are always welcome 🩷🩷

Thank you so much if you request something - I really appreciate anyone who wants me to write an idea for them 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

If you’re unsure if I write for the player but have an idea/request for them - send it in anyway and I’ll probs give it a go or I’ll reply back 💕💕

Fluff | Angst | Suggestive | Angst/Comfort | Smut

Any significant triggers have been after the title, but a more in-depth TW list is at the top of the fic itself.

Barça Femeni

I Am An Adult pt1 / pt2 / pt3 / pt3.5 / pt4 / pt5 / pt6 / pt7 / epilogue

I need to be perfect

You Always Have An Excuse pt1 / pt2

First Time Crush pt1 / pt2 / pt3

Black Eyes

Karma’s a Bitch

Numb

Do Better Be Better

Different From Last Time (TW: ED)

Ask For a Sub

Memory (TW: Medical Incident)

Lucy Bronze

Embarrassing Moments

Lost and Found

Clumsy

Small but Mighty

Out of Position

Ona Batlle

The Object that Stood in the Way of a World Cup pt1 / pt2 / pt3 / pt4 / pt5 / epilogue

Badger

On Top (18+)

Exposed

Mapí León

Attacked (TW: Homophobia, Injury)

Alexia Putellas

Beautiful Girl Masterlist

Memory (TW: Medical Incident) (sister!R)

Arsenal Women

Be The Best pt 1 / pt 2

Leah Williamson

Roses

Viv Meidema

Anxiety pt1 / pt2 (TW: Mental Health)

Jessie Fleming

Meet Me at the Rings

With My Girl

Lena Oberdorf

I Am An Adult pt1 / pt2 / pt3 / pt3.5 / pt4 / pt5 / pt6 / pt7 / epilogue

Something about finals pt1 / pt2

Hopeless Romantic

Hatred

Christmas Eve sneak peek (18+)

First Time (18+)

Niamh Charles

Snapshots

If you are looking for some more stuff to read, here are some woso writers that I recommend

Here are my WIPs/Requests and Release/Queued schedule - feel free to ask about them :)

WIPs and Requests

My WIPs are stories I have come up with and will be released as and when I complete them; Requests are stories that people have asked me to write about; Titles are just working titles and might be subject to change. The order below is the order I aim to write them in/have them be released

Jenni Hermoso - Estoy Confundida

Kim Little - Hot Mess

Barça Femeni Kicked Out

Barça Femeni Poised

Barça femeni - Sleeping

Georgia Stanway - Uncertain

Katie McCabe - Leaving

AWFC - I Don't Understand Her

Alessia Russo (sister!R) - Army Brat

Lucy Bronze - Rivalry

Lionesses - What the Fuck?

Barça Femeni - Birthday

Birthday Week Schedule

Monday - Alexia Putellas Beautiful Girl Tired (blurb)

Tuesday - Lucy Bronze & Ona Batlle Punishment (18+)

Wednesday - Lucy Bronze & Ona Batlle Punishment pt2 (18+)

Thursday - Alexia Putellas Beautiful Girl headcanons

Friday - Alexia Putellas Beautiful Girl Team Night Out (18+)

Saturday - Alexia Putellas Beautiful Girl Injured (18+)

Sunday - Lena Oberdorf Jealousy (18+)

Queued and release schedule:

For August, fics will be out twice weekly (Tuesdays, 9.30pm GMT and Fridays, 9.30pm GMT). For September onwards, fics will be out once a week (Fridays, 9.30pm GMT) as often as possible - this might slow down/be subject to change depending on my work schedule and workload. I am trying to create a bit of a buffer zone so that when I inevitably slow down my writing, I still have stuff to post for anyone who wants to read it. I have put in brackets if the publication date changes from a Friday (most of them are holiday specific changes but some might not be). If a title appears below and you think it might be a request you made and want to double check, please don’t hesitate to ask.

I am so sorry if you requested something a while ago and it’s taken months to come out. I received a bunch of requests at the same time, and I am trying to limit myself to one post a week (with a few exceptions).

Here is the list of fics that have been queued up and when they will be published:

27th September: Alessia Russo Last Kiss

4th October: Lucy Bronze You Hate Me

11th October: Alexia Putellas Happily Ever After

18th October: Aitana Bonmatí Heat

(Saturday) 26th October: Alessia Russo Body Temperature

(Thursday) 31st October- Alexia Putellas Beautiful Girl series - Halloween (18+)

1st November: Lena Oberdorf It's Not Fair

8th November: Patri Guijarro Older

11th - 17th November: BIRTHDAY WEEK (one fic a day to celebrate my birthday week)

15th November: Ona Batlle Putting on a Show (18+)

22nd November: Lucy Bronze Posters

29th November: Alexia Putellas You Are The Music In Me

6th December: Alexia Putellas Opposites Attract

13th December:

20th December: Barça Femeni Drowning TW: Self Harm/Mental Health

(Tuesday) 24th December: Lena Oberdorf Merry Christmas (18+)

27th December: Barça Femeni Baby

(Tuesday) 31st December: Alexia Putellas Beautiful Girl series - New Year’s Eve (18+)

3rd January: Barça Femeni - Withdrawn (TW: undescribed SA [coercion] and mental health)

[decolonize-the-everything]

Are you actually going to vote for jasmine? Do you actually think they could win or are you hoping this gives way to more opportunities for third party in the future?

If you don't think they could win-- how does Trump winning help minorities or Palestine? /genq

This is the 100000th ask like this so don't take my tone personally but,

People in Palestine are experiencing a genocide. Black people in the USA are being systematically killed. The genocides of all native tribes in the USA are being carried out with blood quantum and attacks in our sovereignty. Queer and especially trans people are having their rights attacked and eroded. Book bans are happening. Bodily autonomy rights are under attack.

The idea that there are "lesser" evils is propaganda.

You're either commiting genocide or you're not. Your commiting hate crimes or you're not. You're oppressive or you're not.

"lesser" isn't fucking real.

Evil and fascism are here and passing legislation that's getting people killed and forcing them to flee as political refugees to other states and countries.

And what is Biden doing for any of us now? What are democrats not doing now that you think they'd magically be able to do after November? They already have the presidency. Kamala is literally in the WH.

Further, leftists were told 4 years ago y'all would push Biden left and organize behind a 3rd party if we did, that way the next election, we wouldn't have to vote for Biden.

And what did you instead when we tried to demand the stimulus checks or COVID vaccines or uplifted 3rd parties or criticized him and his party for anything while he was in office?

The time for y'all to organize under a Democrat has come and gone and it's not MY problem that you didn't do anything useful with that time.

We kept our end of the deal and Biden won.

"what if Trump wins"

If you don't want to find out then vote how leftists are telling you to.

Like what did liberals think would happen if liberals didn't? Like how did you think leftists would react to establishment liberals betraying them, really? Especially when it's been multiple elections in a row, now?

I don't know if Jasmine Sherman will win but I know I'm not voting for Kamala because a vote for her isn't a vote for anything except for the atrocities already happening to continue and enabling fascists.

Trick me once shame on me, trick me 4x imma start saying fuck you, get the fuck out of my face with your bullshit, ya feel me?

"how does Trump winning help"

It doesn't. So vote for Sherman. Don't like it? Then I guess more people shoulda considered that in the last 4 years instead of 3 months before the election ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[tempobaekh]

Bakugou Katsuki dating a hyper feminine fem!reader

(who is also the human embodiment of Barbie)

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x hyper-feminine!fem!freader Warnings: fluff, maybe ooc bakugou? idk, the pictures at the top DO NOT indicate how the reader looks, reader is a Barbie dolls collector idk if that should be a warning I’m not good at this, there is nothing specific body type, hair texture or skin color described Note: Since I watched the Barbie movie I have been OBSESSED with it and hyper-fixated on it, so this idea came to my mind. I am not good at writing/writing headcanons so if it's bad please don't mind it. But do let me know what I can do better in the future.

Hyper and girly gf x grumpy and anger issues bf

Or la la la and ok ok ok

That’s literally you two

Dating someone who is hyperfeminine and is literally the human embodiment of Barbie would be an interesting dynamic for Bakugou

But yknow the saying ‘opposite attracts’

First time meeting you Bakugou would be utterly baffled at first by your pink-themed wardrobe, sparkly accessories, and bubbly personality; it would be completely alien to him.

At first, he might find you overly cheerful and appearance-focused. However, over time, he would begin to appreciate your confidence, bubbly personality, and unique traits (and also your odd obsession with collecting Barbies)

He might even secretly enjoy your knack for fashion and makeup although he will never understand your obsession with the color pink

OCCASIONALLY might let you do makeup on him bc he loves you too much to say no to you

Glaring at his reflection in the hand mirror with pink eyeshadow on his eyelid “I look ridiculous.”

but will literally threaten you if you tell someone what he doesn’t know is that you secretly took a picture of him with the pink and glittery makeup

Bakugou often reluctantly let himself get dragged by you to go shopping INSISTING on holding all your bags for you walking with you like an intimidating guard dog

Yknow that tik tok trend where a girl has night walking privilege and then they show their intimidating boyfriend walking with them? Yeah that’s you guys anywhere y’all go

Will glare and almost physically get ready to fight someone if they look at you oddly or comment on your appearance

The outfit contrast is COMEDIC between you two when you guys go out

Bc like you are all pink, bows, frills, sparkle, gems, and smiley

While he is all black, in large jackets, combat boots, hunched over shoulders, and a scowl on his face

Yall definitely get looks and double check by people

He will definitely give you self-defense lessons bc even though he is always there to protect you he needs to know if there is a situation where he can’t be there to protect you which is NOT often you can defend yourself

“If I’m not there to beat up some shitty idiot, at least you can kick some ass.”

“But I thought you would always be there to be my knight in shining armor.” you would say teasingly

Gets dizzy every time he sees your closet he's dramatic bc it’s all shades of pink, glitters, frills, and sparkles 

Pointing at your high heels; “How the hell do you walk around in those death traps??”

Bakugou ALWAYS remembers every little thing about you

Like your favorite food, flower, color that is really obvious or snacks, he even remembers your favorite Barbie from your huge Barbie collection

Bakugou would struggle to express his feelings in words, but his actions would speak volumes he will go out of his way to ensure your comfort and safety, and his subtle ways of affection always make your heart flutter

Surprises you with an intimate candle-light dinner with a big bouquet of pink roses

“Don’t get used to this mushy crap, okay?” he would mutter with a small smile

And you would pinch his cheeks “Who knew you were so cheesy Katsu.”

And you appreciate his ways of showing affection 

Bakugou once surprised you with a limited-edition Barbie that you had been wanting for a while and you cried

Y'all's dates might involve a mix of Bakugou’s preferred activities and your interests/ideas

So it’s a different type of date every time and each of them more fun and sweet than the last

Bakugou uses a few different pet names to call you by:

Doll/Dollface: Bakugou, at first, used the nickname with a hint of sarcasm but it evolves into an endearing term

Barbie: While this pet name seems like an obvious choice, Bakugou playfully uses it to acknowledge your resemblance to the iconic doll

Babe: A more casual and common term

Sunshine: He uses this term to acknowledge your bright and positive personality, even if he’d never admit that you have a positive influence on his mood

Princess: Bakugou might reluctantly use this pet name when he is feeling particularly soft towards you, even if he’d never say it out loud in public might let it slip once or twice

When you heard about the Barbie movie coming out you were SO EXCITED

Talking Bakugou’s ear off about the film and begging him to come with you

He is too whipped and can never say no to you so of course he is coming with you

You already had your outfit and makeup picked out for the film and also chose a Ken outfit for Bakugou fucking imagine him in the mojo dojo casa house Ken outfit with the fur coat SKSJSKJSJ which he hesitantly wore just to make you happy

He was definitely not enjoying himself by being your Ken no definitely not

He also bought you the Margot Robbie Barbie as a gift to surprise you and you swore you fell even more for the ruby eyed man in front of you

So in conclusion Bakugou loves you a lot and will do anything for you no matter what it is or how ridiculous it is

Note: gifs, pictures, and header DOES NOT belong to me. CREDITS TO THE RIGHTFUL OWNERS!! Feedback is appreciated.

[stay-somnia]

SKZ! A/B/O! Omegaverse! Scents

Chan

His scent is the definition of primal: cedar forests so dense you have to claw your way out never knowing what direction you're going. Chan's scent is both comforting and dangerous, still woodlands lulling you in as ancient eyes watch.

Lee Know

Lee Know's scent is as strange as he is. Driftwood floating against foggy coastlines off black sand beaches. Brackish waters were rivers meet oceans his scent is clear with traces of salts. Your vision goes hazy as the gentle waves pull you under.

Changbin

Rose Oxide. Soft, brazen, metallic; Changbin's scent perfectly in embrace him. It's deceiving, subtle and kind at heart, the metallic clang quickly fades away once you're in its enamoring presence.

Hyunjin

Its hypnotizing, free spirited, this aired scent of Lilac's and Larch knows no limits. Faint in the beginning it grows more powerful over time, drawing you into a dream you won't wake up from.

Han

Electric citrus engulfed in rich chocolate, Han's scent is a comforting as it is addicting. It instills a fiery familiarity you can only acquire with over protective loved ones at your side. Once you taste it all else turns to ash.

Felix

Felix's scent of Jade and moss is a preservation of youth and vitality from times long ago. It's a bubble of peace. A place to clear your mind. A friend to call your own. Worry melts away once you pass the gates.

Seungmin

Leather bound notes and Bourbon. It's unnerving, unexpected, it's Seungmin. Archaic wisdom alight with mischief. Pages stained with a kind of love that most people will never get to know.

Jeongin

His scent is cold, alive, unique. Hawthorne fruit, candlestick ice, frozen rain. There's a beauty that you cant possibly comprehend. It invokes a sense of danger and pride but carries more warmth than a thousand suns.

______________________________________________________________

Im in the process of starting a 9th Member! reader Omegaverse fic so I wanted to explain how I perceive the boys scents. I know they are oddly specific but I cant imagine anything else. I don't quiet have synesthesia (at least I think) but some of all of these things have very distinctive smells. My friends call me crazy when I say jade has a VERY unique smell. I hope I was able to get my thoughts out coherently.

The first chapter should be out some time next week.

[randomfotos]

Hello everyone, today I'm going to move away from the topic of my blog, to talk about something serious!

I've been on Tumblr since its inception, I've had several accounts, with different content and styles. I currently have two active accounts, both of which are very popular.

I gave this brief context, so that you understand that I have a basis for what I am going to say next.

For years I have noticed a certain discrepancy in the number of notes in certain posts. Over time it became increasingly obvious to understand why… The fact is that posts starring men of color (black, Asian, Latino, indigenous, people from the Middle East, in general, non-white men) receive much less, but much less likes and shares than those carried out by white men.

And look, this isn't about blog popularity and making a post go viral here. It's something bigger and very serious: racism and xenophobia.

And that's a huge general outline. For example: if posts with older men don't receive as many likes, compared to those with young, sexy, muscular black men, they receive much less notification than posts with older white men.

Another example, posts by fat men, do not have much repercussion, but when compared to that of an Asian or indigenous person, the fat white man receives more visibility.

I mentioned these two specific aspects, because in a society developed according to an aesthetic standard, old gay men and fat gay men are routinely placed on the margins of the gay community, simply because they do not meet these aesthetic expectations, but even when a group meets these "aesthetic standards", are belittled, subdued, disrespected and discriminated against, solely because of their skin color and origin.

Racism and xenophobia around the world is something that is clearly present in everyday life. And many people think it is not prejudiced. But even though things are very open on a daily basis, racism and xenophobia act silently, in a very sneaky way.

So, if you stop liking a photo because you didn't find it beautiful or attractive in your eyes, it's ok! Now, if you want for a second, you think about "if it were a white man there, this photo would be more beautiful" or "if it were a white man, I would feel hot for this guy", I'm sorry to inform you that you have the racism and xenophobia rooted in you!

Once again, I repeat. It's not about popularity, number of likes or reblogs. It's something very serious!

It’s not enough to not be racist, you have to be anti-racist! This means that we must monitor ourselves so that we do not have veiled racist and xenophobic attitudes in our attitudes and speech!

P.S.: I'm Brazilian, and English is not my mother tongue. So I ask you to use interpretation to understand what was said in a mature and responsible way. If any word or phrase is wrong or out of context, please let me know!

[dduane]

So it came to my attention a couple of weeks back that the version of Stealing the Elf-King's Roses that until recently was available over at Ebooks Direct had somehow managed to evade being updated using the cutting-edge Vellum ebook software, when we were doing all the other books in the store.

I have no idea how this happened. Anyway, I've been taking care of that update, and the book will be available again in a day or three.

Meanwhile I'm having the usual conniptions over new cover art and font choices. Fantasy covers these days need to have one or another of a group of very specific looks. So do SF covers. And when you have a novel that splits the difference between the genres (or bashes them together...) the way this one does—as STEKR is an alternate-Earth police procedural—it can seem impossible to get it right. You don't want to leave people who're buying-at-a glance feeling, later on, that they thought they were getting one thing and were sold something else.

The art above is okay enough to go forward with. (Though I'd feel better if I could get Lee something a little more like her judicial robes and less like a "little black [cocktail] dress".) The real problem right now, though, is the font choice.

After some consideration I grabbed the one above from Derek Murphy's fabulous DIY cover site. (Simply because how could I not try a font called The Princess And The Frog?...) But I'm going to go back tomorrow or the next day and try using a much more SF-looking font, and see how that comes out. Who knows... maybe when it's in the store again, we'll offer both cover versions and see what people prefer.

Anyway, this is just an early warning for those of you here who may have picked up the book earlier (possibly as part of our whole store bundle*). When the updated book goes live, you're entitled to be updated to the new version of STEKR, with its improved graphics on the inside as well as the outside, if you feel like it. Just drop a note to the store's support email address, quoting your order number, and we'll refresh your download links when the book's back up in the store.

Meanwhile, for those who may not know anything about this novel: look under the cut for the description.

*Which, along with all our other bundles, is on sale at 20% off right now.

It's CSI, Jim, but not as you know it...!

Psychoforensics specialist and freelance prosecutor Lee Enfield works with the Los Angeles District Attorney’s office as a lanthanomancer—a magic-worker trained in Seeing and revealing the truth.  When she and her fayhound partner Gelert are brought in to do discovery for the investigation into the murder of an Elf named Omren dil’Sorden, at first it seems an ordinary homicide: just one more hate crime in a city and culture where violence against the immensely wealthy, uncannily beautiful Alfen is becoming more and more commonplace.

But Lee and Gelert discover that there's more to this Elf's murder than meets the eye. When political pressure from above the DA's office pushes the two partners out of the investigation, Lee's unwillingness to drop the case gets her and Gelert drafted into a mission to the heart of the forbidden realm of Alfheim. Their involvement makes them targets of a shadowy conspiracy involving powerful multinationals and governments of the Eleven Worlds, intent on taking the secret of the Elves' power for themselves. Drawn into an ambivalent and potentially deadly alliance with the shadowy and much-feared Elf-King, and with the fates of entire worlds on the line, does Lee dare trust her Sight to reveal his true motives—and can the Elf-King be trusted to be on anyone's side but his own?...

This stand-alone fantasy police/legal-procedural novel by DD, originally published in 2002, is reissued exclusively here in a new edition -- revised and updated, with an afterword about the project's genesis and an appendix featuring never-before-published background material on the Eleven Worlds.

[madi-writes-things]

Nobody Pt. 9

(C.Sturniolo X Reader)

Summary:

Chris and Y/N never seemed to get along, but sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places

Word Count: 1.8 K

TW: Cursing, SH (not in detail, but it is talked about), cyber-bullying/mean comments, SMUTSMUTSMUT (P in V, Fem receiving oral/fingering, hickeys, heavy making out, pet names, protection used!!!), you can not convince me that Chris isn’t a whimperer, self doubt, Not Edited

A/N: I’m sososososo sorry it took so long, I wanted it to be as good as possible. If anything doesn’t make sense, just chalk it up to my virginal status lol.

-Madi <3

“”“”“”“”“”

Y/N’s POV

After patching things up with Matt, me and Chris decided to hard launch our relationship. It’s been two months since we went public, and the fans just seem to get more upset about it every day. Yesterday was our ten month anniversary, and the comments on our posts were horrific.

@ sturniolo.police

Do y’all think he just stays so she doesn’t kill herself?

@ Chris-Sturn-girlie

@ Sturniolo.police Probably, she treats her body like a kitchen counter… I would be scared too. I bet that’s the only reason why he even asked her out lol.

It was like watching a car accident, I couldn’t stop scrolling. I knew that it was stupid for me to think that dress was a good idea, but Chris picked it out specifically. The dress was a tight long sleeved crème dress. The issue was that it was fairly short, showing a large portion of my upper thighs. It was the first time since eighth grade that I felt comfortable wearing anything shorter than knee length, and less than 24 hours later I was severely regretting my decision.

“”“”“”“”“”

Now I stand in front of our mirror wondering if I should even go out with them tonight. The boys have a really important colab dinner, and I would hate for it to be ruined by people who don’t know how to be kind on the internet.

I look at myself and see someone I hate. The black short sleeve dress accentuates the jagged scars running across my wrists. I always tried to avoid spots that were hard to hide, but in that moment of desperation I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I’m so caught up in my thoughts, that I don’t even hear the door open.

“Is everything okay?” I look up to see Chris behind me, with his arms wrapped around my waist.

“I um… I don’t think I’m feeling up to going tonight… sorry.” He rests his head on my shoulder gently as he gives me a questioning glance. “I don’t want to ruin dinner, and everyone is already saying stuff about the scars on my legs… and if people find out I tried t-” I cut myself off before I could say the truth.

Chris turns me around quickly, looking deep into my eyes. “I don't give a shit what anyone else has to say, you are perfect for me… just as you are.” I try to protest, but he stops me before I can even get one word out. “But… if you don’t feel like going out tonight, that’s okay. I can tell my brothers to just go without us.”

I can feel my eyes burning, not from sadness or guilt, but from the realization that the man in front of me doesn’t care about anything but me. “You don’t have to miss it because of me, don’t feel like you have to stay home.”

In less than three seconds he’s putting his phone into his pocket. “Don’t be silly, I already texted the guys.” I hear the guys yell a quick goodbye and feel better from downstairs before the door closes and the car drives off. “Now… do you need any help getting out of that dress?” He gives me a quick kiss before turning me around so he can reach my zipper.

As soon as the zipper stops, my dress falls to a puddle on the floor. When I turn around I notice Chris’s eyes fall to the matching green butterfly set I have on.

When Chris finally meets my eyes again, his cheeks are a shade of red that I’ve never seen on him. “Like what you see, pretty boy?” Chris is a sputtering mess, trying to respond. I cut him off by quickly connecting my lips with his. His hands quickly find their way into my hair as he lifts me up by the backs of my legs, carrying me to our shared bed.

This wasn’t the first time me and Chris had ever made out, but something was different about this time. There was a hunger in each of us, that kissing couldn’t satiate.

Chris tossed me gently onto the bed before positioning himself above me and continuing our make out session. His lips slowly traveled down my neck, stopping for short moments, then continuing their assault until they landed on my collar bone. A moan left my mouth, much louder than I meant to, as my back arched off the bed.

“You like that baby?” Chris groaned into my ear.

“mhm…” My brain went blank as he made his way down to the valley of my breasts. “Please…”

“please what, ma?” He looks up to me with a mischievous grin.

“Touch me… please.” I practically whine out, upset that he stopped kissing me. Chris quickly taps my side, signaling me to lift up as he unclasps my bra in one swift movement. My bra is replaced with Chris’s hands before I even register that he removed it. He continues to leave wine colored marks across my breasts, while his hands squeeze in the most beautiful ways.

After what feels like an eternity, i feel Chris's hot breath moving down towards my waistline. He glances up at me quickly before turning his head toward my inner thigh. I feel him lift my leg up, over his shoulder, before he resumes his mission. "Did you know that your legs are my favorite part of your body?"

“no they aren’t.” I accuse with a small giggle. I never realized how ticklish my legs are. He quickly sucks on a spot, that will surely be a dark shade of red tomorrow morning, causing my brain to malfunction.

When he stops, I look down to see him looking at me with his big, blue, puppy dog eyes. He toys with my waistline, before finally opening his mouth. “Is this okay?”

I've never responded quicker, nodding my head aggressively while mumbling out a quick please and thank you. It takes him no time to get my panties off, and onto the floor. “You’re sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.”

“yes… just please touch me!” I’m practically begging when he decides to indulge me.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, seeing as I’ve never even ‘helped myself’. Whatever I expected, this was much better. The second he latched his lips onto my clit, I was seeing stars. My whole body felt warm and tingly, and I think I’m close. I quickly intertwine my fingers into Chris’s hair, pulling with the rhythm of his tongue. All of the sudden I feel a long thin finger entering, and I can’t stop the sudden sensation that was building inside me. I couldn’t even get out a full sentence without a loud, almost pornographic moan interrupting me. The second I feel a second finger, I loose all control over my body. My back arches off the bed, as my legs slam shut around Chris’s head. Once I manage to calm myself down, Chris slowly removes his fingers from inside of me.

“Having fun?” I see him wiping his hand against his pant leg, his lips still glistening with me. I don’t think I have the strength to speak, so I simply nod. “Was it… was that okay?” I can see the yearning for approval in his eyes. “… Like, was it good for you?”

I don’t really know how to respond to that question, my brain is stiff fuzzy from my orgasm. “It was amazing baby…” I don’t want this moment to end. “I want to… can we do more… If that’s okay?”

I swear Chris has the condom out in less than three seconds. “Are you sure?” He’s looking at me like he truly doesn’t care what’s in it for him. “We can stop… or do other things, you don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

I do my best to find his eyes in my dazed state. “I’m sure… if it’s anything like what you just did, I’m not sure I ever want you to stop.” He nods quickly before getting up and stripping.

The second his waistband hits mid thigh, his member is hitting his stomach. It looks painful, so red and hard. I don’t know how it’s going to fit, but I trust him. He slides the condom on, quickly climbing back on top of me.

“Are you sure the at you want this?” This again. “We can stop whenever you want to… and you really don’t have to do any-”

I cut him off quickly by grabbing ahold of him and making sure that he knows that my motives are purely selfish at this point in time. He finally gets the hint and lines himself up.

“fu-ck…” Chris practically whimpers as he pushes into me. I unintentionally clench around him, who knew that a man whimpering was so sexy?

“Babe… you gotta stop squeezing me like that, I won’t last.” I mutter a quick apology, before giving him the go ahead to start moving.

It’s an interesting feeling. It’s not necessarily painful or uncomfortable, just different. It doesn’t take long for the feeling to melt into pleasure though.

The house is filled with sounds of whimpering and moaning, as we reach our highs. Chris reaches down and starts rubbing heavenly circles against my already overstimulated clit, causing my orgasm to crash into me without warning. I swear my vision goes out for a minute while Chris chases his own high.

Chris slowly pulls out, making me cry out in pleasure. “I’m sorry, but I have to get you cleaned up. I’ll be right back.”

The second he leaves it hits me all at once. What if it wasn’t good for him? What if he realizes that he only wanted me for sex, and decides the rest isn’t worth it? What if he-

“Are you okay?” He pulls me from my doom spiral, as he starts cleaning me up. He crawls into the bed next to me, looking deep into my eyes.

“Sorry… my brain is just trying to convince me that you’re going to leave.” I see his eyes soften, as he realizes what I’m saying. “It’s not necessarily like I believe it, I just worry sometime that all of my flaws outweigh the things keeping you here… like what if you leave, or you only stay because you feel like I’ll kill myself if you don’t?” Chris stares at me, looking like he doesn’t fully grasp the concept. “Does that make sense? I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes.”

“Do you really think that I would do that?” The way he asks it makes my heart break.

It’s not like I really think that he would do something like that, but my brain just refuses to let me be happy. “No baby… I just find it so hard to trust anyone who says they care.”

Chris just pulls me into his arms, promising me that he loves me more than words could describe. After a few minutes in his arms we decide to put some clothes on and order some food. After dinner, I drift slowly into a peaceful sleep in his arms.

“”“”“”“”“”

@unbruisable @bernardsbendystraws @sturniolo-fann @jnkvivi @stasiesturn

@h3arts4harry @slutforsturniolos

[astrangetorpedo]

IN INTERVIEW

Julien Baker, the interview 6/8/2016

At just 20 years old, Julien Baker gave us last year a first album of intense and rare emotional force, the superb Sprained Ankle reviewed here . A moving record that left a deep and lasting mark on me. It was therefore impossible to miss the young American's arrival in Paris and not to take advantage of the opportunity to try to get to know this outstanding artist a little better. A meeting was thus organized thanks to the invaluable help of Sean, her manager, in a café in the 12th arrondissement, two hours before the young lady's very first Parisian concert, on May 24. A one-on-one meeting that revealed to me an adorable and voluble young woman, incredibly touching and sincere, and above all determined to seize life with all her might! A moment of exchange and sharing that I am not ready to forget.

Hello Julien!

Julien Baker : Hello!

First of all, thank you very much for granting us this interview. I am a big fan of your music and it makes me really happy to meet you!

Oh, thank you! It's a great pleasure for me too, you know! I still can't believe that people like my music enough to want to meet me to talk about it. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, really!

Perfect! Let’s start at the beginning of your story. I read that you’ve been making music for a while now. Could you summarize the journey that led you to where you are today?

Yeah, sure! I started listening to music in middle school. It was rock, I was really into it with painted nails, black eye makeup, all that stuff! [laughs] Then I started playing in bands, punk bands mostly. Then I joined Forrister which is the band I still play in today. We were playing shows in cities around our area. Then I went to college and a friend of mine who worked in a studio there offered me to record with him for free. Since my band couldn't be there, I did it solo, without any specific plans. I put the album out on Bandcamp for $2 or $3 a copy.

That's when Sean [Julien's manager] contacted me and suggested we release the album in a more official and professional way. I told him that I was actually in a band, Forrister, and that no one would be interested in me as a solo artist. He insisted and even though I didn't believe it at all, I agreed to give it a try. I'll always remember the day he called me to tell me that NPR [National Public Radio] was going to play my single. I hung up crying and immediately called my mom all excited to tell her the news! But then, as things seemed to start to take off for me, I started to doubt myself. I felt guilty towards the rest of the band, thinking that they would resent me for doing this project without them. So I called the drummer and asked him what they thought and he said they were just proud and super happy and not mad at me in any way. So I kept going and here I am! I never thought I would come to Europe and do all this, it's crazy, really!

During the band's time, did you already have this desire to write your own songs?

I don't think I had any real unfulfilled desire to do this.

But you were writing?

Yes, I wrote my own songs. But not because the band was holding me back or preventing me from doing it within the collective. It's just that sometimes you write songs but they don't fit the moment. So I put those lyrics aside, like that, without any specific goal. I've always written and played in different bands. There was enough space for all that, things didn't have to be done exclusively in one framework or another.

Were your parents musicians?

Not really. Well my dad bought me a guitar and showed me how to play it. So I started playing by practicing at home on my own. I also took piano lessons but for a very short time. My teacher didn't really like me because I didn't work hard enough. I just played by ear without wanting to learn to read music and he didn't like that. So I taught myself. But my parents were big music fans. They played records all the time at home. When I was younger I wanted to go to a concert, my dad would come with me to make sure I was safe! He was the only adult in the middle of all these tattooed and pierced kids! [laughs] Oddly enough it never bothered me. When he made a surprise appearance at the Bowery Ballroom for my concert in New York, I was so proud! He and my mom have always been a great support!

This is really great!

Yes I know !

In addition to being an author and composer, you are also a student. Are you still going to university?

I just finished my semester. It's currently summer vacation. But I think I'm going to take a break in the fall. I completed the theoretical part of my literature course thanks to online courses. The last thing I need to fully validate my teaching diploma is the practical part, in school with students. I tried to do it last fall but it's complicated to carry out both projects at the same time: give lessons during the week then take a plane to California or New York on the weekend to play a concert, before returning to teach on Monday morning! So I'm going to take a break to devote all my time to music.

Do you want to teach one day?

I think I would really enjoy teaching. I love it. As a teenager I was a summer camp counselor, I love children. So yes it would be really cool to teach!

You studied literature. Did that influence your way of writing?

Yes, totally! I try to feed myself as much as I can from all these different ways of perceiving life and emotions that I find in books. It enriches me intellectually speaking. I have the feeling of learning new things about myself each time I discover a new author and this is then reflected in my writing I think, consciously or unconsciously.

Are you familiar with French literature?

Voltaire! I often joke with my professor friends that I would really like to have a big Voltaire and Cervantes tattoo! I already have a Gabriel Garcia Marquez tattoo [Julien then shows me his 2-part tattoo on the inside of his 2 wrists]…

Is he your favorite writer?

One of my favorites, I can't choose just one! And so when my students would complain that Voltaire is an old man who's not cool, I could show them my Voltaire tattoo and prove to them that it's really cool! [laughs] Reading Candide really changed my life. It was incredible! I think the translation of the title is The Optimist , which is quite ironic. Cervantes wrote Don Quixote and we have this word in English, "quixotic" which means optimistic but optimistic to the extreme, to the point where even if everything is going wrong in your life and you know it, you continue to believe in it despite everything. There is a really romantic and admirable dimension to that attitude I find. Same for Candide where there is this quote that I always come back to when I feel really bad and which says: "I wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but I still loved life" . I think I cried when I first read that sentence. Anyway, I could talk about literature for hours, don't drag me down that dangerous path! [laughs]

Haha, ok. So back to the music! Listening to your album I couldn't help but think of two other artists I really like: Sharon Van Etten and TORRES…

I love TORRES!

Me too! I even did my very first interview with her!

Wow! She's amazing!

Do you agree with this comparison even if the artists in question do not come from the same scene as you?

I totally agree with this comparison! As a teenager I only listened to punk and thought that anything that wasn't punk was worthless. Then I grew up as a musician and learned to appreciate all styles. When you really love music, you love an artist as long as their music is honest and good, no matter what the style. It doesn't matter if it's hip hop or country or whatever!

I totally agree!

And so I'm a big fan of TORRES! I loved her first album, the one before Sprinter . The song Honey is the very first one I heard from her.

The same !

And oh my god, what a song! I played with her in Chicago, I was added as the opening act at the very last minute, I felt so honored! On my way to the dressing room, I ran into her and as I was saying "Oh sorry, I don't want to bother you" she said "No, come on, this is a shared space, you have as much right to be here as I do" and she kindly invited me in. As for Sharon, it's funny because the first time I met her, she asked me to have lunch with her, can you imagine having lunch in New York with Sharon Van Etten! And she told me she was also going to invite her friend Mackenzie [Mackenzie Scott aka TORRES]. But our phones died and we couldn't get a hold of her. So in Chicago TORRES couldn't make the connection, I was just the little girl at the door!

Excellent! Are there any other musical influences that you would claim?

Do you know David Banzan?

Nope…

Ok. There's a band called Pedro The Lion and David Bazan is the lead singer. He influenced me quite a bit. And do you know Death Cab For Cutie?

Yes of course !

They were the first non-punk band I listened to. At the time I only listened to loud and fast music, but when I heard Transatlanticism for the first time it was a shock, everything changed. They really meant a lot to me.

Your texts are very strong and very personal. When you wrote them, did you think about the impact they could have on those around you first and then on the general public?

Well, at first, I didn't imagine that this solo album would lead me anywhere, I was convinced that my music would only be made with my band Forrister. So when I released the album on Bandcamp, I really thought that only my friends would listen to it. So I wrote all these songs like that, just for me, without really thinking about the scope of the lyrics. And I'm ultimately happy that I didn't think about it because if I had known what was waiting for me, I think I would have most certainly changed things, I would have probably been more reserved in my words. But if it's difficult for me to show my vulnerability, I realize that it's totally worth it when young people come up to me after concerts to tell me that my music has helped them in difficult times in their lives. It's of course a little embarrassing for me to share such intimate things but if these things make others feel good, then I think it's worth it in the end.

But isn't it a little scary to expose yourself so completely naked and transparent? It's so brave, I don't know if I could do it myself!

Well, you see, it's exactly the same for me, I'm not sure I would have been able to do it if I had known everything in advance! But now that it has happened, I feel that from now on I have the right, the license to be brave. Perhaps it was the plans of destiny or God, something like that.

And isn't it too difficult for you to sing songs every day that inevitably bring you back to painful moments?

I think there are two options. Option one: I can sing these songs every night, let them take me back in time and feel sorry for myself. Option two: there is the quote from this poet that I love who says that all the horrible things in life just need to be seen from a different and courageous perspective. Things that seem bad can indeed turn out to be good in the end. So I have chosen to let the dark and sad aspects of my songs become pretexts to be positive and happy. Because yes, all these things have happened to me but if that had not been the case, I probably would never have written these lyrics and I would not be here today in Paris talking to you, Laurence! In the grand scheme of things, everything has a meaning and works for our good in the end.

That's very beautiful what you say! [laughs] To talk about lighter things, this is your first time in Europe, isn't it?

Yes !

How do you feel?

I love it! I have such a good time. Well I don't sleep much... [laughs]

Is it the time difference or the excitement?

Well now it's the excitement! But a week ago it was also the jet lag [laughs]. Imagine, we traveled for over 30 hours straight to get here! I first took a plane to Richmond and then a train to Washington DC. We then took a flight to Iceland where we took another flight to Copenhagen. Once there we took a train but due to a problem on the tracks we had to take a bus that took us to another train! When we arrived at the hotel, we were totally exhausted! [laughs] It was 11 o'clock in the evening but at that time of year the sun hadn't set because we were so far north and my body didn't understand anything at all! But hey after a good night's sleep everything was better! And now if I don't sleep it's just because I don't want to miss anything, not a single minute you know! I thought I would never be able to afford to travel and once again it seems that Destiny's plans are extraordinarily kind to me. I feel so grateful and lucky!

And that's just the beginning!

I hope so! But you know, even if everything had to stop, well in any case it would have been much, much more than I could have imagined! I am so grateful for everything that is happening to me!

Are there any particular places you want to discover?

Sean has been here before and wants to show me places he liked. Today he took me to see the Sacré-Cœur which is beautiful. On my side, there are also places I would like to visit, especially in Barcelona, ​​because I am majoring in Spanish literature. I would like to go to the café where Picasso had his very first exhibition, long before he was famous. I would also like to see the Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's work, visit a museum, buy a Viva Cataluña t-shirt and eat paella. I am so excited to be able to do all these things!

That's great! But it's going to take you some time to do all of this!

We are staying there for the whole festival [Primavera Sound Festival]. So we should have some time. Of course we won't sleep much because in the evening I also want to attend the concerts!

You'll sleep when you get home!

Exactly! Since I am a big coffee drinker, one of my friends gave me a badge for my jacket that says "I will sleep when I am dead" ! [laughs] There are indeed so many things to experience in one life! [laughs]

And what are your plans for after the European tour?

We're actually going to be touring until the end of the year.

Will you come back to Europe?

We're going to Australia in November I think. I can't wait! We're also going to tour the States so as for Europe I don't really know... And then I hope to have some free time early next year. I'm always writing new songs that I play live. I must have 30 demos on my computer and I'd really like to record them. So it would be great if I could get into the studio early next year!

Last question: do you have one or more musical recommendations to share with us?

Lucy Dacus!

Oh I love it!

We played together in Washington DC. I had never heard her songs before Washington and I remember hearing the lyrics to Map On A Wall which say "I hope good comes from good and good comes from bad anyway" and I started crying all by myself watching her play. Her music is so beautiful, so powerful! And we have so much in common: questions of spirituality, sexuality and faith, questions about gender too and the place of girls in rock music. We are really like two halves of the same person. We have the same booker and were approached by the same label. And when I saw her again in Richmond I knew we operated exactly the same way. So our biggest fear is that we will one day become jaded and arrogant. We want to remain grateful, sincere and enthusiastic. There are so many people who do this for a long time and end up jaded. It's really great to find someone who feels exactly the same way you do, and that's the case with Lucy. We're platonic soulmates! She's a very, very dear friend.

You must tell her at all costs to come and shoot in Europe and in Paris because there are people waiting for her here!

Promise! I'll send her a message as soon as I have wifi!

Lucy Dacus! A perfect choice! Thank you very much Julien!

Thank you! It was great!

photos by jean-marc ferré 📸

interview by lolo from paris (who has great footage of that paris show on his youtube account) 📝

wayback link for the interview 🔗

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Hey there! I really like your Faust shorts. Usually I’m nervous about requesting stuff, but I wanted to ask. Do you think maybe you could do Bard and a younger fan reader who’s been helping out at helvete for a job? He calls her “little lady,” both because she’s younger and way shorter than him lol. Maybe some of her bullies come into the shop and start teasing her, but then scary tall lanky boy comes out with the scary dog energy and scars them off? And when he sees that she’s kinda upset still about what happens he offers to let her pick out the horror movie they’re gonna watch together. Just cute platonic stuff with a smug of a crush on readers side lol

My little Lady - Faust x fem!reader

warning : alcohol, cuddling, use of a knife and gun

Info : Hi hi thanks for the request anon don't be nervous the only bad thing that could happen is a ,,No". So have fun reading this and hope you and others likes it ;)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Helvete was the place to go if you were looking for like-minded people, weirdos, crazy people, satanists or simply a distraction.

It was a store for freaks, for people who didn't want to belong in society and didn't do so. A store that was nevertheless a home for very specific people.

A home that became a place where all the freaks could meet to be just that. Freaks. It was the store where the little lady stayed, at least that's what Faust always called her.

The younger employee who initially only helped out at the weekend was now an employee and a member of the store. At first, the boys had almost laughed at her when she came in because of her size she almost seemed to still be at school.

Although this was not the case, it was an unusual view, but by the time she proved herself on the drums and especially in her knowledge of music, she had the respect of the group. Her knowledge went so far that she only had to hear one note to know which song and band it was.

A talent that the biggest of the group, Faust, found particularly amusing. When he wasn't asleep, at home or watching horror movies, he was always in the store and a friendship soon developed between the two of them.

What started with a ,,Here, let me help you" and him taking a box from her to put it on the highest shelf usually ended with an extended evening in the store where they both listened to their favorite music.

She gave him a new knife for his birthday and he gave her a pair of boots with heels. Heels that made her a little taller, but not quite enough to even come close to her.

But she loved these boots and wore them almost every day, even on the day the door to the store opened and a certain group came in. Great, she thought as she looked up from the box of new records.

It was the new print of the Venom album and many would be coming in tomorrow so she wanted to get everything ready. But when she saw exactly who was standing in the doorway, she had to stifle a frustrated cry.

,,Well, if it isn't the freak," she heard the leader of her "friends" say, and she hadn't been able to get rid of the three of them since she had left the church.

She had met the three of them at the church and when she started wearing a little more black, well, Satan always shows himself in the strangest places.

,,If you want to buy something, make it otherwise," she tried, trying to suppress the fear and discomfort in her voice. But as the three approached her, she slowly moved away, wanting to escape, wanting to stop being the victim.

,,Oh, we're buying... only the customer service isn't that good, is it, boys?" he asked and suddenly the other two began to take the records out of their packaging and smash them. Their pleas and screams to stop stopped as the oldest of the three approached them.

She pushed hard with her back against the corner and her fear showed when he slid his fingers to her earrings. ,,It would be a shame to lose it," he murmured and placed his fingers on the upturned cross earring. ,,Don't do that," she said, her voice brittle and full of fear that he would tear her earring off.

Tears formed in her eyes as she watched more records being destroyed, the pain in her ear intensifying. Before suddenly footsteps could be heard from the cellar.

They sounded heavy and the steps creaked under the older man. ,,If I were you, you go now!" he hissed and she saw the knife flash in his hand as he looked at the three of them from behind his hair. ,,And what if you don't?" one of the three asked and threw a record at the larger one.

But Faust caught it and threw it so precisely that the edge cut the little one. ,,I'm... bleeding," he said firmly and backed away slowly, while the other fled, cursing as Faust pointed the knife at him.

,,What, are you going to kill me?" the leader asked, letting go of the young woman and walking towards the taller one, who towered over him. But Faust just smirked before grabbing the smaller one by the collar and pulling him towards him.

The coldness of the knife lay against the younger man's throat. ,,Do you want to find out?" he asked and saw the fear slowly forming in his gaze as he tore himself away and ran out screaming.

Before the door closed and Faust instantly lost the creepy energy. But in all of this she felt the rapid beating of her heart, which she knew was not only due to her fear.

Perhaps she had developed a little crush on him in all this time. But above all, he had her gratitude. ,,Thank you... Faust," she said and threw her arms around him, hugging the taller one, who lifted her up with a smile and twirled around slightly.

,,Come on, little lady, pick a movie and I'll make some popcorn...no one should say you were afraid of them," he said with a grin and went into the professional kitchen before she settled into the beanbag and decided on Halloween.

Already feeling much more relaxed watching the beginning, she soon felt the bowl of popcorn in her lap. ,,I couldn't have made a better choice, little lady," he said, slapping her lightly on the arm before he took some popcorn and she leaned against him before they both enjoyed the movie together.

But inside they both knew that they would give their lives to the other. They would look out for each other...they always would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~