#but i dont fit the criteria for autism.

[jet-bradley]

does anyone else with rare (like genuinely rare, not what neurotypicals think is rare) disorders/neurodivergencies ever feel like just by nature of being neurodivergent in ways that are similar to a lot more common things, that people are really prone to thinking you have their disorder?

like, i love all my ADHD friends, and i definitely relate more to them than NT friends, but i feel like a lot of the time they'll forget that i don't have ADHD. this one might be partially because i'm open about having a learning disability, which [rare disorder] is classified as. but ADHD isn't the only learning disability! an IRL with ADHD assumed i'd lack caffeine sensitivity the other day, but... i definitely don't! that's one of many things associated with ADHD that i don't have!

the same goes for autism. i have a lot of autistic friends by nature of "being an engineer" and "being a tron fan." and within the engineering world (which is way more NT than stereotypes would have you believe), i definitely find myself hanging out more with autistic colleagues than allistic ones. and i've had them (IRLs as well as online friends but largely in this case IRLs) address me as autistic just because they assumed i was based off how i act. but i'm very much not autistic, i just have a lot of symptoms that also show up in autism. hell one of my autistic IRLs will give me game recs based on her own autism because despite being one of the IRLs ive discussed this feeling with, she just assumes we'll have the same cognitive processing difficulties because we're similar in so many other ways. when like... there's no evidence to support that at all!

and please don't reply to this post like "have you considered that you havent cracked your AuDHD egg yet?" - that isn't what's happening. i'm professionally diagnosed with [disorder i'm not naming here] and it describes nearly every symptom/trait/etc that causes me to fit in with these groups of people. meanwhile i have done research into ADHD and autism and definitely don't fit the diagnostic criteria for either.

it's something ive been thinking about a lot because i'm trying to be better about overstepping boundaries related to the mental stuff that i do and don't have going on, but it's hard when like, everyone i talk to is trying to diagnose me with whatever they have. but it's also hard to have the "stop assuming diagnoses about people" conversation when a lot of the time that feels like a very negatively charged statement. i dont have any problems with ADHD and autistic people and i really value their presence in my life and like, there's reasons i gravitate more to them than NT peers especially in irl settings, but that doesn't mean we have the same stuff going on!

[kota-corner]

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH??? (Speaking about the Autism and PMDD statistic specifically)

[girlwithfish]

the do I have cptsd bpd or autism game

[pinkseas]

girls who definitely do not have bpd will be so bpd coded sometimes

[midwestgender]

could write a fucking book about the phenomenon in the psychological community in which children are described as fitting many of the criterion for autism or adhd but not fully ‘fitting’ the description and/or the fact that they are hyperlexic or hyperverbal being used to justify not giving them a diagnosis and then the psychology community essentially brushes this VERY LARGE group of children aside because they overwhelming grow up to be ‘neurotypical’ or neurotypical passing. It’s actually largely accepted in the psychological community that there are many children who exhibit autistic symptoms but ‘grow out of it’, and they will even say this about kids who were straight up nonverbal until the age of six or so. And it sucks because there isnt really a way to study this group of people because they arent ever diagnosed, they never get treatment, so they have no clinical record to do followup on. I would wager that these kids that supposedly ‘grow out of autism’ are actually highly likely to have mood disorders + personality disorders in their adult life because they are essentially just highly masked individuals.

[huevobuevo]

BACKokay it was nice but i think i failed therapy HOW DO YOU TALK IN A CASUAL MANNER TO PEOPLE.?

[soulemissary]

isnt it fun 2 realize ur family is so not normal

[damagedcoda6669]

how did youknow youbhad bpd? what were the main "symptoms" ?? soryif it comes off as personal or uncomfy you dont hsveto answer

(im rlly rlly rlly autistic abt bpd PREPARE 4 AN ENTIRE BIBLE ABT HOW I DISCOVERED I HAD IT)

ive exhibited symptoms of bpd my entire life (it usually starts 2 present in childhood or early adulthood, it comes from childhood abuse/neglect) i only started 2 notice something was wrong in my tweens/early teens, when malachi became my favorite person and every1 was calling me mentally ill and weird and obsessive. ive known my entire life i was neurodivergent (first started therapy at 6 or 7, diagnosed with bipolar + autism + adhd + depression + anxiety RLLY early on) but there was something else that felt wrong 2 me. at that age i didnt rlly know what 2 search 4 or who 2 talk 2, so i just went on google and searched "love disorders" and obsessive love disorder came up (which isnt even in the DSM iirc) and i posted on google plus saying i likely had that and was shot down IMMEDIATELY 4 "self diagnosing" so i didnt revisit it again until a few years later.

after my breakup in 2021 i felt like it hurt WAY MORE than was normal. i stumbled across a video abt bpd during that time period and it resonated with me way 2 much. im impulsive, i have angry outbursts, im constantly suicidal, i self harm, i have extreme mood swings, i dont know who i am and ive always just mirrored other ppl, i dissociate, i have black and white thinking, i view ppl as all good or all bad and i split, i have consistently unstable relationships, i get attached 2 ppl more than i should be, and i have a paralyzing, nauseating fear of abandonment. i have every symptom in the diagnostic criteria.

i brought up the possibility of me having bpd with my mom i think (i had no one else 2 go 2 becuz all of my friends abandoned me and my parents took away my internet access) and i was shot down again, with my mom saying the CLASSIC "(insert family member) has bpd and shes crazy. ur normal. stop pretending theres something wrong with u. if u had bpd u'd be vindictive and petty and evil. do u think ur those things?"

once i figured out how 2 get my internet access back, maryland dude forced the bpd label on2 me becuz he wanted 2 explain my "abusive" behaviors (he was abusing me but tried 2 gaslight me in2 thinking i had a victim complex and that it was the other way around) and i became uncomfortable with the label becuz he made it seem like if i had bpd then i was a bad person. i continued researching the disorder becuz it still resonated with me even though i was now insecure abt it.

i became comfortable with the label again after he abandoned me, and i brought it up with my therapist. my therapist would HEAVILY DENY that i had bpd, telling me that "if u had bpd u would be attempting suicide 4 attention" "u fit the diagnostic criteria but ur autistic so all of ur symptoms can just be attributed 2 autism srry" "ive had clients with bpd and if u were like them u wouldve had an outburst in my office and be yelling at me by now" and she would even smile at me whenever i brought up my bpd becuz she thought it was funny that i thought i had it, i think. the first time i brought it up with her she told me "its rlly irresponsible 2 self diagnose after reading liek two articles online abt some extreme disorder becuz u think ur broken. ur not broken. dont self diagnose with bpd" and i had to EXPLAIN 2 HER that i wasnt self diagnosing and that id researched it in depth 4 years actually and that she was making assumptions. horribly ableist towards ppl with cluster b disorders, this is a MASSIVE RED FLAG but i didnt switch therapists becuz i was still living with my parents at this point and i felt out of control in every aspect of my life 4 this reason, i didnt even see switching therapists as an option.

then in 2023, while i was homeless, i got evaulated by a psychiatrist. i discussed my bpd with him and finally got diagnosed. i told my therapist i was diagnosed with bpd and she said something like "well im not always gonna be able 2 catch everything" BUT I WAS TELLING U ABT MY BPD 4 MONTHS!!!!! so glad i dont have that therapist anymore but now i dont have one at all, so liek.. hrmmm >:c

im gonna end this by saying.. self diagnosis is valid!!! its so hard 2 get a bpd diagnosis becuz its so demonized and stigmatized, that even those in the mental health system r ableist towards the disorder and those who have it. diagnosis is not always an option with disorders like bpd, and thats so frustrating. its so hard 2 find help becuz every1 thinks ur crazy. but ur not crazy!!! i love all my fellow bpders, i know how agonizing and it is 2 live this tormented life. if u suspect u have bpd, the bpd community welcomes u and supports u!!! and i do 2 :3

[spectrumgarden]

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hey, i have question, i think i might be actually autistic/Aspegers (ive got 2 diagnoses (not oficial one) for thr past year from psychiatrists) but when i look intro it am more like "this cant be me" idk if its cause i dont know how its feels to be normal or cause i am autisti, i fit all the criteria

Is there a way to help me?

Hi there,

It sounds like you’re going through what’s called “imposter syndrome”. This basically means that you’re doubting your autism diagnosis. Here’s a few articles about it if you want to learn more:

Introducing Autistic Imposter Syndrome

The last one is more of a blog, but I think it will be helpful. I hope this helps answer your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[mochapanda]

laios autism moments masterpost

im gonna organize these like the dsm5 criteria however i dont have the specific evidence for each subset exactly so i'll just list what pertains to laios specifically

criterion A: social deficits

1. has absolutely no interest in humans aside from his close friends

bonus other people in his life trying to get him to be interested in people/be more sociable and better with people in general

2. cant understand ppls true feelings if not explicitly said, bad at lying/hiding his feelings as well

the shuro fight is like. the BIGGEST autism example "how the hell could i figure that out?!" you will always be famous <3

3. general awkwardness, cant fit in/read the room

to be continued....

[lumaxramblings]

Autistic Max headcanons?

GOD BLESS YOU ANON !!!!!!

she never gets diagnosed, and if she does she gets it much much later, due to it being the 80s and all, plus women are still underdiagnosed now and i dont think they even thought women fit the criteria? so ya she doesnt get diagnosed, at least not for ages

girlie alternates between staring non-stop at you (excerpt from runaway max: “my mom was always telling me to stop giving people that bug-eyed look. she said the way i stared at people, it was like i was trying to pull them apart piece by piece.” autism!! <3), and being unable to look them (which we see in season 4 multiple times)

here's the max mayfield stimming compilation you didn't know you needed :)

she masked quite a bit before billy and neil came in the picture but after that she masked so so much, mostly consciously, because billy would use any and all of it against her, and it became a survival tactic

max used to have frequent verbal shutdowns when she was younger, and her dad did too, so he taught her some ASL (his brother's Deaf) so she could communicate, and it was one of the reasons she was so upset at leaving her dad, because it meant she couldn't learn more

she fidgets with her hands a lot, but holds it back whenever she's with billy because he thought it was annoying. she tries to stim whenever she can get away with it though

max's comfort foods are always stuff that have some level of spice in them, as she loves the feeling it brings her, but when she moves to midwest she hates all the food bc it's bland as shit

it's already canon but. listening to songs on repeat until she physically cannot anymore. that's happened more times than she can count on two hands.

thats all i have for now, i hope u enjoyed this :)

[terraliensvent]

I would like to read your thoughts about pluralkit. For me I’ve noticed that there are some individuals that will say wild things and use plural kit to send the messages. I blocked one person in the server so far cause I just found them to be a bit much.

i got another ask wanting to know my thoughts on pluralkit, so ill indulge

buckle up bitches cause this is gonna be a LONG one

for starters, i hate pluralkit because you cant block the bot accounts it uses so if i want to block an annoying sys, i cant! definitely can see it as a way to circumvent blocks

second, it just further adds to the people who will use it to roleplay that they have alters

(i actually have a lot to say here and did research so please look at the read more if youre interested)

im gonna be honest, i do not think the people who use pluralkit have DID, and i absolutely dont believe a large majority of the people on toyhouse and in cs spaces who say they have DID. some of you might hate me for that opinion and thats fine, but truthfully, i think that way too many people use it as a way to roleplay.

im gonna try my best to be gentle with how i present my thoughts, but i know that there are some people (primarily young people who believe they have alters and refuse to change their minds— a well known symptom of being young) who will flame me for just daring to not believe them, and my thoughts on this go beyond just terraliens and cs spaces in general, terraliens is just a REALLY good example of this kind of community.

i think that society has tried to medicalize behaviors to a startling degree. when people said “normalize neurodivergence” we flew a bit past the mark and now the self-diagnosis crowd will see a person with an unusually strong passion for a hobby and say “they must have autism”

in this type of world, kids wont say “i love Blorbo from Show I Like, i wanna pretend to be them on the internet” and then disclose to people that, yes, its just a roleplay and im doing it for fun; instead its, “i feel a strong connection to Blorbo so i must have DID and theyre one of my alters. this isnt something im doing for fun, i have this medical condition and you cannot tell me otherwise”

the issue with DID kids is that they see that yes, things like fictives and animal alters are possible, but VERY unlikely within a disorder that is already highly unlikely, and they say, well i must fit inside of that 0.000001%, and then other people say the same thing and now we have multiple people saying they have DID within a server of only 3000 people. they will say “you dont know anything about DID,” but then will say they have 3 fictive alters from a piece of media that came out less than 5 years ago. they’ll say “well, diagnostic criteria includes self-assessment therefore that should be enough to decide that i have DID

in the time it’s taken me to write up this response, i actually went looking for research. Specifically i wanted to find something that predated 2020 because that was the time the “fake disorder” phenomenon really hit its peak and i didnt want potential false cases and misinformation that the current day DID crowd spreads to skew the data.

What i found was this medical journal published in May 2017 (so 3 years pre-2020, and less than 7 years old as of today. this document is less than 10 years old so dont even try to tell me its outdated), the authors of the journal are accredited to the psychology and psychiatry departments of the university school of medicine in Turkey, University of Canterbury in New Zealand, and University of Pretoria in South Africa. SO, suffice to say im gonna trust these people’s research more than a 15 year old on discord.

im gonna summarize a few points because, as a medical journal it is totally overblown with professional jargon and i consider myself to have good ability to convert flowery language to plain speak

The first segment i wanna highlight is in the introduction of the document, “

Yet, when all these systems come together to underpin and maintain a person’s identity, and dissociation occurs at this (identity/personality) level, it creates dissociative identities. Here, separate organized systems of functioning, with their own unique perspective on the world and who they are, appear to co-exist within the individual. Each of these identities has their own first-person perspective or experience of self-consciousness. Consequently, each of these identities reports their own subjective experiences and memories, their own sense of agency and will, and their own perspective on who they are. They often report being unaware of other identities or report amnesia for experiences that presumably occurred when other identities were engaging in executive actions.

The document states that the different “alters” present more as separate identities, where its different iterations of the same person who will have their own perspective of the world (each has their own “I” self). each iteration has its own memories and, the most important part, each iteration appears to be unaware of or have amnesia surrounding the other iterations. this one paragraph dismantles several of the talking points that DID kids use, it goes against the idea that people can co-front, it goes against the idea of having detailed in depth personas for each of your alters as so many of these people do. and we arent even past the INTRODUCTION

funnily enough, despite my effort to look for a document pre 2020 to mitigate false cases, this document actually mentions the DID faker crowd: “

The so-called sociocognitive model of DID (e.g., Lynn et al) went beyond recognizing the influence of sociocognitive factors on the development and phenomenology of DID. This model suggested that media reports, a high level of social knowledge about DID, influential and suggestive therapists, as well as patients’ own suggestibility, cognitive distortions and fantasy proneness all led patients to believe (wrongly) that they had dissociative identities. This view of DID markedly contrasts with the post-traumatic model of DID (outlined earlier), which proposes that dissociative identities are the primary results of early trauma and the relational, cognitive, emotional, and neurobiological consequences of it (along with other related factors as outlined in this paper) rather than primarily the result of social and cognitive forces. Moreover, the presence of sociocognitive forces does not provide any proof for iatrogenesis. Yet, sociocognitive and trauma models are not entirely contradictory, as the trauma model, e.g., argues that social and cultural factors influence the presentation, but not typically the creation, of dissociative identities. In fact, societal conditions themselves may also be the source of traumatic antecedents as observed in oppressive communities and traditions.

this post is getting crazy long, so im just gonna start wrapping it up here

i think that what ive stated here links with my previous ask about physical disabilities, disabilities and mental disorders arent really things to have a party over. they shouldnt be demonized of course, but we shouldnt be pretending like its some phenomenal thing to have a disorder thats based on severe complex trauma faced as a child. the part pluralkit plays in all of this is that it just further feeds the crowd and deludes these people into thinking their DID is real

im not going to believe any 15 year old furry when they publicly announce they have DID to a discord server of over 3,000, and that is a consequence of the sheer volume of people that fake having the disorder and continue to fake it with their stupid roleplay bots

obviously, i dont go out of my way to debate or mess with them, because at the end of the day its kids being stupid and cringe, but god the ramifications of these kids playing pretend with disorders is gonna be horrible. its already having really bad effects on autistic adults trying to operate in society as normal people and not be infantilized

i just hope this trend passes quickly and soon, and PLEASE let me block those stupid bot accounts i dont want to interact with any “system” that uses pluralkit

[gojurt]

its ironic that once i mostly got over the idea of self diagnosing myself with a personality disorder i got professionally diagnosed with it when i was trying to get diagnosed with adhd and dont really want the label anymore. dont get me wrong the symptoms that are described by personality disorder categories ARE real and well i certainly have them and i definitely do fit most of the criteria for bpd and need help for it despite my strong opinions about the dsm (and i dont hold any animosity towards people who do self dx with personality disorders or find comfort in a diagnosis because i like get it lol), but i do not believe that personality disorder diagnoses always have the best intentions for the patient and i know that they are built upon medical biases (often gendered) and that we need to seriously reconsider the way that diagnoses and treatment are structured. and getting diagnosed with bpd to me felt weird when the psychiatrist was openly dismissing my obvious adhd and autism symptoms that other psychiatrists and therapists have pointed out in the past, an inconsistency that has once again reminded me that a good amount of this shit is a complete joke

[szayelapowo]

i hate not knowing why im the way i am. like i know im a dog and a dragon but why? am i actually a therian/otherkin or is it my autism and/or psychosis? my therapist keeps talking about how i fit the criteria for schizophrenia but he doesnt want to officially diagnose me with anything because of the symptom overlap with autism. i did used to have a schizotypal pd diagnosis before they knew i was autistic though?

idk. im just starting to really doubt im therian/kin but it feels so impossible to know. ive had dreams about turning into a dragon since i was a toddler and im fairly sure i wasnt traumatized yet back then. but the dog identity definitely feels like a trauma thing and i have been abused my entire life. and ive literally always acted more animalish than human but that could be the autism?? i mean and i dont actually know for sure that something traumatic didnt happen when i was that young. maybe i just dont remember? fuck i hate this i hate not knowing. ive been tying to figure this shit out for over a decade but my brain is too messed up and i cant ever make sense of anything im thinking or feeling

only thing i do know is for whatever reason im not fucking human so dont refer to me as one. im still a person though. because not human ≠ not a person (i keep seeing people using those two things synonymously but theyre not okay)

anyway i want to get officially tested for schizophrenia (or whatever else) just to know but im too afraid of it being used against me if i do have it. because when i cant live with my parents anymore im gonna be put into a group home since i cant take care of myself or live alone and i have no one else i could live with but if i have any kind of schizospec or pd diagnosis they (the people running the group home) could legally abuse me and force me to take drugs which i do NOT want because i physically cannot metabolize them (mthfr gene mutation), its literally an overdose that could easily kill me

so what do i do. i dont want to call myself therian/kin if im not but i obviously dont want to go around saying im psychotic if im not either. i definitely have delusions but that alone doesnt necessarily mean anything...

sorry this post is all over the place im having trouble sorting my thoughts out (thanks unmedicated adhd). i really hope nothing i said is offensive, its not my intention at all if it is i just dont know how to word things.

[racmune]

heyyyy im racmune, i use he/him pronouns. i draw a lot and write fic sometimes! im a weird n i post whatevers :P

my inbox is always open n im pretty friendly, if you wanna send in an ask u dont gotta be shy!

art commissions: OPEN

dni, excluding what should be obvious: support israel, te(rf), swerf, truscum, exclusionist, etc

i also block very liberally, if you dont fit this criteria n ive blocked you it aint personal

more about me

current hyperfixations: the scratched universe (STRAPS YOU TO A CHAIR AND FORCES YOU TO WATCH IT), scoutpauling, tf2, n web design :3333

likes include but not limited to: music, anime, fanfiction, video games, chattin w/ buds, sleeping, drawing, computers, ftm history n such :P

dislikes include but not limited to: rude people, intense unfamiliar tastes n textures ..... uhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk what else tbh

sideblogs

@last-seen-in-wonderland - pastel/cute aesthetic sideblog. for the art (inactive)

@gnu-metal - 90s-00s internet/computers (etc) aesthetic. for the gender.. AND THE AUTISM.

tag list :P

blacklistable tags

#blood

#gore

#unsanitary

#body horror

#flashing lights

#eyestrain

#loud

#unreality

#liminal spaces

#fnaf movie - for spoilers

#spto - scott pilgrim anime spoilers

#deadlock - deadlock leaks

personal tags i guess?

#queue - my queue tag, mehh ill make it a pun at some point

#fave - fave posts tag

#favefavefave - super/ult fave posts tag

#andy rambles - my text post tag

#ask - ask tag

#anon - anon tag (non-anons are tagged by username but tooo many to list here)

#tagged/sent - posts sent to me via dm or that ive been tagged in :3

#racmune art - my art tag

#racmune fics - my fic tag

#commissions - art commissions ive done and posts relating to my commissions

#clips - tag for game clips

#scoutposting - my scout tag :3c

#mongusposting - mongus tag

#friend art - art made by friendsss

#trans scout - tag for scout being trans (i dont use this tag as much anymore)

#ftm stuff - tag for ftm related stuff :P history, art, etc

#rule 63 - genderbend tag

#art inspo - tag 4 my art inspiration

#later - tag 4 posts i want to come back to

#gif - gif tag

#gifset - tag 4 posts with more than one gif... this is not what a gifset is but its what ive been using this tag for oops

#stim - stim tag

#mecore - stuff that is genderful.... "MEEEEE"

#important - important posts (i dont use this as much anymore either)

#bangers - posts w over 100 notes :p

#1k - posts w over 1k notes

#2k - posts w over 2k notes

old dtiys

#racdtiys15

#racdtiys16

fandoms/stuff im into

#the scratched universe

#nope 2022

#scream

#emesis blue

#lil pootis

#uramichi oniisan

#danshi koukousei no nichijou

#cool doji danshi

#math

#poetry

#webweave

#john k samson

#mf doom

#king missile

#re - resident evil

#aphmau

#mlb - miraculous ladybug

#tadc - the amazing digital circus

#paradigm game

#fnaf

#beetlejuice

#brokeback mountain

#i love you phillip morris

#dog day afternoon

#romeos 2011

#portal

#half life

#spiderverse

#the boondocks

#enstars

#hi-fi rush

#legend of zelda

#disco elysium

#scott pilgrim

#brba - breaking bad

#death note

#hbomberguy

#jerma

#rtvs - radio tv solutions

#eftf2 - escape from tf2

#bully game

#dungeon meshi

#sally face

#creepypasta

#emh - everymanhybrid

#thief and the cobbler

#ultrakill

#csm - chainsaw man

#gay shame

#deadlock

ship tags

#scoutpauling - scout x miss pauling

#heavymedic - heavy x medic

#freedom fries - soldier x spy

#boots n bombs - soldier x demoman

#scoutcest - scout x scout

#flash fire - scout x pyro

#hop scotch - scout x demoman

#heavyscout - heavy x scout

#pyrosoldier - pyro x soldier

#soldierheavy - soldier x heavy

#helmet party - soldier x engineer

#fruit scones - soldier x medic

#american aviators - soldier x sniper

#demopyro - demoman x pyro

#texas toast - engineer x pyro

#pyropauling - pyro x miss pauling

#burn ward - pyro x medic

#bushfire - sniper x pyro

#pyrospy - pyro x spy

#demoheavy - demoman x heavy

#demoengie - demoman x engineer

#jagerbombs - medic x demoman

#sword van - demoman x sniper

#bomb voyage - demoman x spy

#engieheavy - engineer x heavy

#spoovy - spy x heavy

#science party - medic x engineer

#sniperpauling - sniper x miss pauling

#trucks n vans - engineer x sniper

#bushmed - sniper x medic

#napoleon complex - engineer x spy

#medispy - medic x spy

#adminhale - administrator x saxton hale

#zhannascout - zhanna x scout

#soldierzhanna - soldier x zhanna

#scoutmaspy - scouts ma x spy

#zhannapauling - zhanna x miss pauling

#adminsniper - administrator x sniper

#zhannascoutpauling - zhanna x scout x miss pauling

#tf2 deep fried desire - scout x fried chicken lady

#tf2 lady and the tramp - miss pauling x fried chicken lady

#swing and a missfire - scout x miss pauling x pyro

#engiedemoheavy - engineer x demoman x heavy

#soldierdemozhanna - soldier x demoman x zhanna

#masked mechanic - fixer x jumpsuit (the scratched universe)

#fruit punch - foster x p.rick (the scratched universe)

#purplephone - purple guy x phone guy (fnaf)

#scollace - scott x wallace (scott pilgrim)

#toddallace - todd x wallace (scott pilgrim)

#kowalkins - pete kowalski x jimmy hopkins (bully / canis canem edit)

#gabv1el - gabriel x v1 (ultrakill)

^other tags 2 be added but tumblr doesnt let me add any more hyperlinks so sorry abt that o_0