#but i honestly get anxiety when i see i have quite a few messages

[frozenjokes]

Put Me In Perspective, Or At Least In My Place (Another Retrospective On Aromantic Love)

“Above your head like this. Both hands, look at me. Both hands, Grian. It doesn’t take a lot of strength, just step forward and release around eye level.” Cleo demonstrated, holding the axe at the end of its handle and releasing the weapon. It flew in what had to be a perfect arc before burying itself in the wood, a bullseye of course. She threw the axe like she’d done it a thousand times, and honestly, she probably had.

“Don’t people throw them with one hand, too?”

“Yes. It’s just harder. Try this first.”

Grian pursed his lips, stepping forward, throwing, then squeaking when the axe bounced terrifyingly off the wood, hitting the wall before rolling and bumping the curb that separated the stall and his feet. Ah. That was frightening.

“Nearly took out our ankles there,” Cleo said, not sounding all too concerned.”

“It- Can it bounce over that?”

“Not easily. But not uncommonly either. Try not to do that.” Cleo strode forward, plucking the axe off the ground and handing it to Grian. “Don’t throw it while I’m in there.”

“I wasn’t going to!”

“Maybe you won’t, but some people need to be told,” Cleo grunted, ripping the axe she’d thrown from the wall and spinning it thoughtlessly in her hand before burying it in the stump that split their twin alleys. “Try again. Keep your wrists straighter, release at eye level.”

Grian shifted his weight, frowning, “Surely you brought me here to talk about something else other than axe throwing. ‘Cancel your plans, I’m picking you up,’ is an extremely ominous message to receive from a stranger at 8:00 at night. How did you get my number again?”

“Pearl. And we aren’t strangers, we’ve met at least once at that big friend get-together thing, you know. That awful pizza place? Regardless, I’m friends with runners, so force is necessary 90% of the time. If you want to skip to the talking, we can talk, but I don’t know if you want to hear what I have to say.”

“I probably don’t.”

“Then start throwing and I’ll do the work. You’ll get it to stick, just give her a few tries.”

“You seem to have a lot of faith in me.”

“Everyone gets it eventually.” Cleo looked relaxed, unconcerned, and Grian tried to match the energy, but he couldn’t quite shake his anxiety. Well. He was here, so he might as well make the most of it.

It took six more tries before he got an axe to stick. Wow that was satisfying- but the air seemed a little too heavy to celebrate more than Cleo’s tasteful clapping. Maybe he should come back here with Pearl and Impulse.. Jimmy maybe? He’d kill to see Jimmy try this actually, even if he’d likely crush Grian in the end. When Grian went to collect the two axes from the stall, Cleo finally spoke.

“I’d like to know what’s going on between you and Scar. Properly. It’s been a particularly shitty week for our friend group and Scar’s been in a foul mood for more reason than one, so we haven’t talked. And I’m not just here to interrogate you about Scar either, I’d really like to know what’s going through your head as well. Have you seen each other this week? Have you talked at all?” Cleo was firm, but nothing about their voice was hostile. There was a worried longing there, the kind of urging that came from a deep concern for a good friend.

Grian took a deep breath. “Not much. I saw him a couple days ago when I was getting lunch with Pearl at the zoo. He only texted me one other time to tell me he wouldn’t be.. we have this mutual place we hang out, and he just told me he wouldn’t be around this week. Too much going on. I’m really sorry about Etho by the way, I hope you guys find him.”

“Thank you. Bdubs got in contact with him yesterday, so we know he’s alright. We still don’t know where he is or when he’s coming home, but from what I’ve heard, he’s keeping frequent contact. Hasn’t called me or Scar, but that’s typical. With any luck he’ll be back safely soon. That’s what Etho said anyway. Still all sorts of concerning, but we’ll take what we can get.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.” Grian tried not to be hurt that Scar hadn’t updated him, but failed miserably despite the fact it probably wasn’t any of his business. He just would’ve liked to know, that’s all.

“It is. So how did that clusterfuck of a night happen between you and Scar? How did that start?”

“Oh,” Grian mumbled, fidgeting with the axe still in his hands. Cleo took the other from the stump, throwing it almost lazily, like the question didn’t matter to her much at all. Grian decided to do the same, focusing on the secondary activity instead. “Well.. he invited me over. That was a couple hours after our first spat, and I was still feeling weird about it all. Wasn’t well.”

“I figured. He reached out to you first?”

“Yeah. We weren’t supposed to do anything though, just.. get it out of our systems. I was so mad at him- I’m still so angry, and not even for any reason in particular. I’m just mad.”

“Then how’d you end up in his bed?”

“Oh. I kissed him. He was pissing me off.”

“Right.”

Grian scoffed, snagging his axe off the floor of the alley after a failed throw. “How did you think this all went down? He told you the jist, basically. Not nicely, but he told you.”

Cleo shrugged. “I just wanted to know a few more details. Place my judgment a bit more accurately. From where I’m standing, you’re both idiots self destructing in the dumbest way possible. I would like it very much if this didn’t happen again, not only because it’s bad for both of you, but quite frankly, it’s embarrassing.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion.”

“Come on.”

Grian curled his lip. “Listen, I don’t understand why it’s such a huge problem for Scar and I to work out our differences with a little violence. We're consenting adults and the sex was kinda nuts, so if we’re both having fun there’s no issue. In any case, I’m pretty sure this is solving all of our problems.”

“Oh? Do explain.”

Grian rolled his shoulders, throwing his axe and getting it to stick for the second time, “We’re just letting off steam, Cleo. Two months of awkward tension does a lot to a man, it does a lot, nothing good. This is like a shortcut to the whole ‘tiMe hEaLs aLL’ bullshit, we’re like- getting it out of our system.”

“Uh huh. And this is going to resolve your unrequited feelings for Scar how..?”

“I’m getting it out of my system, Cleo.”

“Ah, so having really good sex with a man who isn’t looking for the same things in a relationship as you is going to fix you.”

“You got it.”

“That’s the dumbest load of horseshit I’ve ever heard.” For the first time, Cleo’s axe bounced off the board. She strode to pick it up wordlessly.

“Alright.” Grian landed another axe, just inches from the bullseye.

“Grian,” Cleo sighed harshly, and Grian avoided her eye, uninterested in her scrutiny, “Listen. As dysfunctional as the both of you two are, I don’t actually believe this couldn’t work. You two have been as thick as thieves for ages, and as much as you’re scrapping now, I don’t think that’s indicative of how you actually feel about each other. You’re just hurt people hurting each other, and you don’t have to be. For goodness’s sake, Scar would have been happy to be in some sort of relationship with you, he just didn’t want to lose you altogether. Somewhere I think that got lost in translation.”

“Scar doesn’t want to date me. He only offered to appease me, it was as obvious as anything.”

“I don’t doubt there’s truth to that. He doesn’t do well under the pressure of a love confession, and that’s no one’s fault. But his feelings on romance are a lot more complicated than ‘wanting’ or ‘not wanting.’ You did the right thing to refuse him, Grian, he wasn’t ready. But I think it’s worth talking to him again. Laying everything out on the table. And I can’t speak for what Scar wants, his brain is a mess of tangled wires and sparks, but he’s obviously had plenty of time to think about this, and he might surprise you. If there’s one thing I do know about Scar, it’s that he loves to give things like this a try. And I mean that. He does love it.”

“But Scar won’t love me. Not like I want to love him.”

Cleo hummed, thoughtful as they considered the ceiling, “You know, I don’t know if that’s true.”

Grian huffed, “Unless I’m misunderstanding what ‘aromantic’ means, I don’t see what you mean.”

Cleo shrugged. “Scar loves everyone in big sweeping gestures. That doesn’t change from person to person, whether they’re family, close friends, lovers.. it doesn’t change. But there are still levels, right? There’s still loyalty. You’re thinking of Scar as loving you like a friend, but I think that’s the wrong approach. Making that distinction makes it seem like his love would be less intense, like he wouldn’t still give you everything he has. Try.. a scale, 1 through 10, maybe. For you, you’re looking to give Scar your 10 on the scale, right? A 9 or 10, whatever it is, that’s the kind of love you want to give, the kind of love you’re looking to receive. In Scar’s brain, he’s been giving you that 10 for months, and if you asked to spend the rest of your life with him, he’d probably go ahead and accept without hesitation. That’s just how he feels about the people he’s close with.”

Grian didn’t speak, still working out how to process those words, but Cleo did not mind continuing in his absence. “If you’re worried about not being #1, then I’m afraid you’re fighting a losing battle, friend. With anyone. You’re contending with mothers, brothers, sisters, friends that go back to high school, grade school, diapers. Being intimate doesn’t outweigh those bonds, not for most people. And this isn’t to say that a relationship with Scar would be exactly the same as it would be with anyone else, it won’t, and if you’re the type of guy that gets insecure when your partner is physically friendly with other people, then forget it, but in my truest of hearts, if you’re looking for someone to love, I believe Scar would be more than good for you. He would treat you well,” Cleo paused, thoughtful before continuing, “And honestly, things literally can not get any messier between you two. There are zero stakes to giving this a shot. You’ll either feel a lot better about yourselves or you’ll go your separate ways, both of which are a huge improvement to whatever the fuck is happening between you two now. Maybe you’ll even stay friends after talking all this shit out. Who knows.”

Grian returned his axe to the stump, needing to sit down. To think. He was quiet for a long time just sitting there, the only sound being the bustle of other customers and Cleo’s own axe hitting its mark time and time again.

“You really think he’d want to give it a shot?”

Cleo shrugged and shook her head noncommittally, “Who knows. But it wouldn’t surprise me. So long as you two actually talk this all out, I think anything could happen. And Christ, if you two decide to get together and still want to ‘fall down the stairs’ then have nasty sex afterward, that’s your prerogative, but for crissakes, at least wear some sort of padding or a helmet or something, don’t actually kill each other.”

Well. He had gotten Scar that helmet, hadn’t he.

“I’ll think about it,” Grian mumbled, eyes lidded. And he was. He was thinking quite hard about it.

[shslbunnylover]

★★★𝙎𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙖 𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 (12 𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙁𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙢𝙖𝙨 𝘿𝙖𝙮 3: 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙛𝙛 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙮)★★★

Character: Larissa Weems

Taglist: @inlovewithgreta (Message me to be a part of the taglist until I get a page set up!!)

Trigger warnings (DL, DI): Flirty behavior, alcohol consumption

Genre: Fluff

A/n: Third day is rolling right along with the lovely Larissa Weems! I had so much fun writing this!!

Word count: 1.6k

...

...

Covering your left ear in hopes of draining the noise around you from your hearing, you felt yourself becoming slightly more anxious about having said yes to the staff holiday party at Nevermore. You were well-liked by the students and the other staff. However, you still felt a sense of anxiety wash over you the moment you entered the room.

Looking down at your dress that fell just below your knees, you placed your hands over the other and made your way towards the drinks with a smile on your lips, waving your greeting to the familiar faces around you.

The air around you smelled of cinnamon and sugar cookies, making your body feel like it was melting its nervous shell and leaving only a comfortable and carefree interior. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear as you grabbed the ladle out of the eggnog, pouring the white liquid into your glass until it was full.

Bringing the glass to your lips, the liquid fell down your throat, causing the tips of your ears once chilled by the cold outside air to warm up.

"This is pretty good," You thought out loud, going to grab a sugar cookie from the large plate next to the bowl of eggnog.

"I'm glad you think so, I made it myself," A regal voice with a familiar British accent spoke, her words turning into a chuckle as you jumped in surprise.

"Ms. Weems!" You exclaimed, putting a hand over your chest as you took a breath in between a couple of laughs. "You scared me!"

"Please darling, call me Larissa, we've known each other for a few years now," Larissa smiled, walking closer to you.

You blushed softly, looking up at the taller woman.

"Yes Larissa," You replied meekly, feeling her dominant and powerful presence washing over you, her aura only increasing due to your feelings for the woman.

"Even when you call me by my first name, you find a way to make it formal. Don't you?" She chuckled, her laugh sounding soft and sweet as it always did, the sound of it had pushed you into a lovesick state.

You nodded, your eyes finding their way down to your feet, attempting to make yourself feel like a normal person for a moment.

"Look back up at me sweetling," Larissa commanded, wanting to see your face again.

You obliged almost immediately, your heart pounding at 1000 miles an hour at the blonde's overwhelming presence.

"T-The party is very nice," You tried to change the subject, hoping to calm down the raging blush on your face.

"It is, but I have a question for you, Y/n," The taller woman stated, taking a sip of her warm eggnog before placing it back on the table.

"Yes?" You asked, looking at her with curious eyes.

"Do I make you nervous?"

You froze, looking at her with a blush scattered across your cheeks and nose, you weren't sure what to say in reply.

You seemingly were silent for a couple minutes, as Larissa cupped your cheek to knock you out of your thoughts.

"Sweetling, are you alright? That question didn't make you uncomfortable did it darling?"

Her pet names were like music to your ears, but you weren't sure how to continue the melody, often ending it with stutters and blush.

"I... I don't know," You replied honestly, "I don't know what it is,"

"That's quite alright snowflake," Larissa nodded, turning her head to the other staff and then back to you. "I should leave you to the party," She smiled, walking away, and leaving you flustered.

You stood there, before a wave of confidence washed over you.

You grabbed her hand, placing your glass on the table to reach further.

"Wait-" You quickly stopped her, retracing your hand with a blush once her blue eyes went back to face you with surprise. "I wanted to give you the present I got you, would you like to see it?" You nervously asked, your mind thinking of any excuse to be near the blonde.

"Oh snowflake, you didn't have to get me anything just because we did a whole Secret Santa event, you know that," Larissa chuckled, "But I know whatever you got me is amazing," She continued, her lips forming into a smile as the two of you walked over to a little Christmas tree where you had put her gift.

You pulled up a small box that was perfectly prepared, the wrapping paper was a beautiful light blue and paired with a white snowflake gift tag that matched the tiny decals on the paper.

"Merry Christmas Larissa," You smiled, handing it to her as your eyes traveled their way up her body.

"Thank you Y/n," She smiled, taking the paper gently off of the box to reveal a small jewelry box.

"Go on! Open the box!" You encouraged her with a soft smile on your lips.

The blonde simply chuckled, quickly opening the velvet box to reveal a very luxurious set of opal dangle earrings.

"Y/n..." She trailed off, her eyes widening as her fingers grazed over the gemstones. "These are beautiful...!"

You beamed in reply, your hands clenching into fists out of your excitement.

"I got you the earrings in opal because it's your birthstone!"

Larissa looked at you with wonderment in her eyes.

"How did you know my birthday? I don't tell that to anyone," She asked, still amazed by how thoughtful you were.

"I asked around," You smirked, "Do you like them?"

"Like them? Darling, I love them! You didn't have to get me these!" The older woman replied, moving her vision from you to the earrings.

"I'd do anything for you," You said, your smirk forming into a more lovesick and warmth-filled smile.

The principal paused for a moment, matching your facial features as she took your hand in her own, shutting the box.

"Is that so? Then you would be willing to answer another question, right?"

You nodded.

"Yes, what is it?" You questioned her, tilting your head slightly to the side.

"If I kissed you, would you reciprocate?"

You froze for a minute, just like you had when she asked you a question before, but something about this moment didn't feel the same.

You pushed your touching hands together, fingers intertwining with each other as you pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

Her hand found its way to your cheek, pulling you further into her lips and her taste of sugar cookies and eggnog.

Pulling away from her to catch your breath, Larissa looked at you once again, her ruby red lips placing themselves on your cheek to leave a slight mark in their wake.

"I guess I have my answer then," She chuckled, watching you break out into a huge blush over what had just occurred.

"I didn't think this would ever happen- At a staff holiday party nonetheless-!" You covered your face with your hands, only for them to be pulled down by the woman in front of you.

"Well," Larissa replied, "Strange things happen during the holidays, don't they?"

"Yeah," You nodded, "I didn't think pretending to be your Secret Santa was the way I'd woo you over,"

Larissa's eyes widened slightly, before she broke out into a soft laughter, placing another soft kiss on your cheek.

"And I didn't think that a good girl like yourself could do such a naughty thing," She teased, her lips falling to yours once more.

...

If you enjoyed reading this, don't forget to like, reblog and comment! Thank you and you are loved <3

-Akira

[communicationthroughlyrics]

I Like Your Blood On My Teeth Just A Little Too Much - 8

You’re a former military, career oriented security executive who has made quite the living for yourself- but it has always been lacking. Your non-committal attitude has led you down a playgirl lifestyle, never really settling. What happens when your new boss throws you a curveball, and as a result? You end up hopelessly involved with a Hollywood starlet.

A/N: I've got a long weekend, so I'm hoping to post this and Chapter 9. This is a shorter chapter, so let's see how this goes XD.

2.7K Word Count

Ch. 8: The Weight That’s Crushing Can Be Relieved

You had honestly driven just about as fast as you could to get to the tower as quick as possible. The anxiety alone that you were in the process of pushing down was almost crippling you at this point, years of unresolved traumas resurfacing with the reappearance of the only being that you hoped was dead somewhere for the last 8 years. This was one part of your past you never wanted to confront again, but ironically you had to deal with it now- for work, for a new client. The rest of the trip was anti-climactic, nothing of significance really happened. Kris had only called you about an hour ago, checking to make sure you were still on track to show up at the office around 2. You looked at the clock on the radio to the truck, seeing that it was now 2:18 PM as you pulled into the underground garage. The garage attendant did a double take, not anticipating seeing you here on a Sunday. You always made sure to give yourself 1 day off a week, usually Sundays. You rolled down the window, stopping by the all concrete office that he worked out of, complete with bullet proof one way glass windows. 

“Hey Ralph, how are you today?” You asked, handing him your work badge so he could swipe it, giving you a little ticket to stick to the inside of your windshield, signaling to all that this vehicle was allowed to park here. 

“Good Afternoon, Ms. Y/L/N, it’s a wonder to see you here today. I hear you gotsa big project comin’ up.” He handed back your card, leaning against the doorway to the office. 

“Yeah, I do Ralph. And please, call me Y/N.” You slid your card back into your wallet, before resting your right arm over the steering wheel to the truck and holding your chin with your left, which was resting on the armrest on the door. 

“Good luck with your project, Ms. Y/N. And get some rest, you ain’t looking so great.” He smirked, before closing the door to his office and retiring to his post. 

“There’s a real confidence boost,”  you think to yourself as you slowly pull forward, working your way up the floors in the parking garage to get to the highest floor, and finding your rightful spot in the level, complete with your title on the sign bolted to the wall. As you pulled in, you noticed that Kris’ car wasn’t there yet, so you glanced down at you phone to see if she had texted you. With no new notifications, you quickly typed out a message to her, hitting send and bringing down the visor in the truck to check your appearance. Ralph was right, you looked like absolute hell. It was obvious you hadn’t slept, the bags under your eyes a faint greenish purple hue, almost like you had two healing black eyes. Your eyes were red, like you could be a spokesperson for Visine, and the puffiness around your eyes betrayed the intermittent crying of the past few days. You felt your phone vibrate, glancing down at the screen. 

2:24 PM   YOU- “Hey, you close? I just pulled into my spot, I'll be in there shortly.”

2:26 PM   KRIS- “Yeah, I had to make a pit stop on my way in, I know you haven’t eaten anything but gas station garbage. I'll be there in 10.”

You smirk at how well she knows your habits, before climbing out of the truck and going to the passenger side to grab the duffel bag. You stretch briefly,  groaning at your joints aching from pushing through that drive after having been up for 17 hours prior. You brush yourself off, wiping off any crumbs that may be lingering from your road snacks, and any wrinkles in your clothes. You stood by the door to the elevator, swiping your security card and pressing the up button, tapping your foot while you waited for the elevator to arrive. The door dinged open, and you stepped inside, pressing the button to take you to your office. 

You slid the card to open your door, throwing your duffle bag onto the sofa at the far end of your office, and walked over to the private bathroom that lurked behind a faux wall panel. You looked yourself up and down, realizing just how terrible you really looked.  You reached over to the small cabinet on the wall, grabbing a cloth from within, and wetting it with cold water, wiping your face entirely, and wringing it out before soaking it in cold water again, and resting it on your eyes. Your stomach made a small grumble at its lack of true sustenance, and you heard the faint click of your office door opening, meaning Kris had arrived. You heard the click of high heels coming towards your desk area. Rising from the toilet, you removed the washcloth from your eyes, wringing it back out and draping it over the empty towel rack in front of you. You splashed some water onto your face, and ran your fingers through your undercut hair before opening the door and walking out to greet your assistant. 

“Thank you for meeting up with me, I know you value time off a little bit more than me.” You state, drawing the attention of the blonde in front of you, sitting in one of the arm chairs with her legs crossed. She had on a pair of light blue ripped jeans, and a simple black t-shirt, and her glasses sat on top of her head. 

“Jesus, Y/N/N. What is wrong with you?” She quickly rose and came over to your side, concern etched into her features. She could tell you were not doing so well right now. “What’s going on?” She rubbed your arms up and down, while you stared down at the hardwood floor. She shifted her head to interrupt your vision, stirring you from your trance, and grabbing your hands to try and ground you. When you winced in pain, she looked at the bandaged hand that was in her grasp. You motioned for her to sit across from you, keeping the barrier of the desk between you for this conversation. 

“Sit down, I’ll tell you. But you’re not going to like it. God knows I don’t.” You state as shed the coat you were wearing, and draping it over the back of your chair. 

“Do you want some food first? You look like you haven’t eaten for days. I brought you some tikka from your favorite place.” She motioned towards the bag sitting on a far table. 

“Right now Kris, I’m really not hungry. I ate some of a sandwich on my way here.” You reasoned, trying to reassure her that you had been taking care of yourself.Her face dropped, but she knew better than to try and force you right now. “But you can go ahead and eat some, if you want.” You nodded towards the bag, and she walked over, opening it and getting her containers of food set out. She brought over a few cups, one with rice, one with her masala, as well as a foil pouch which you knew held some garlic naan inside of it. On a normal day, you would absolutely devour some of this, and. Your mouth would water at the smell of the naan, but in your current state it made your mouth run dry, as you felt queasy. 

“Does any of this have to do with that creeper dude by your apartment?” She asked, staring down at the container of food in her hand, picking through it for the piece she wanted, before glancing back up at you. Your hand shook slightly at the mention of him. But you knew, you had to tell her some of what you had ‘discovered’.

“Yeah, it is. It’s all about him right now.” You state flatly, standing up and walking over to the windows in your office, grabbing the dog tags under your shirt and rubbing them for some form of comfort. “He was in McCall. Working at the general store.” You stare out the window of the high-rise, not sparing a glance over to the woman at your desk, 

“He what?!” She asked with a tone of disbelief. “Y/N, that can’t be a coincidence. Did he say anything?” She set her food down, leaning over to rest her arms on her knees to get slightly closer to you. 

“He approached me in the parking lot, trying to make a conversation about the Cobra. I pretty much shut that conversation down, then went in to get my groceries. When I checked out, he was the cashier. Went by ‘Fred’ at the store.” You glanced back over your shoulder, trying to gauge her reaction. 

“Have you seen him anywhere else?”

“No. Not physically, at least.” She narrowed her eyes at this statement. She could tell that you were being purposefully vague, and that irritated her to no end. 

“Not physically? What is that supposed to mean?” She asked, leaning back in the chair, resting her arms on the armrests. 

“When I got back home, I did some research. Turns out that ‘Fred’, or Mr. Steven Waters, was one of my Sergeants while I was in the Army.” You turned around at the last bit of information, wanting to see how she reacted to him being from your past as well.  He eyebrow raised, and she ran one of her hands through her hair. 

“So you know him?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” You express flatly, not wanting to let on that there was more to this story. “He’s a real swell guy.” You lace as much sarcasm as you could into the last of that statement.  “Looks like he’s had a rough go of things since his discharge. Battery, Aggravated Assault, Robbery, you name it. Man has been busy for the last 8 years.”

“That’s how long it’s been since you last saw him?” She asks, her tone alluding to the fact that she knows you are withholding information.

“Yeah. He’s definitely changed a bit since then. Which would explain why I didn’t recognize him at first.” You state. 

“But still, you have the uncanny ability to recall the most vague of details. Something isn’t adding up here, Y/N.” She stood, coming over to where you stood., looking you in the eyes. “Do you think that’s who was in that car behind you?”

“I know it was. He was driving. He had someone else with him, but I don’t know who.”

“How do you know? I mean, if you never saw him, it may have not been him.”

“He called me.” You mumble, walking away towards the sofa where your bag lay. 

“Wha…What?” She turned on an axis, stalking after you to try and withdraw more information from you. “What do you mean he called you?”

“Did I stutter? He CALLED me. On my cell. Twice. First time, I was at the house. He knows that I know he’s lurking around. The second time was to tell me that he knew I was heading to LA, so it didn’t matter what route I took- he would find me either way.” Kris stood there, mouth agape as she absorbed the information being relayed to her. “He knows where I live, he has my phone number, he knows where I work.”

“How? How did this happen? You’re so tight lipped and close to the vest about everything. You’re normally so careful.” She spoke softly, not wanting to insinuate that this was your fault. 

“Hes an ex-Ranger, Kris. He was one of the best trackers in the goddamn military. I learned from HIM.” You punctuate the last part, to let her know that he had been the teacher, meaning he knew more than you. “I may hate his guts, but he was like a goddamn bloodhound. You told him to find someone, and he would find them, their closest relatives, you name it. Witness Protection, Clandestine, didn’t matter. He would find you. He found out about this contract before I did. And it isn’t like I haven’t been interviewed and published. People still know about me, Kris.” She grimaced at this, knowing that meant he knew about everyone in your life by this point, including her. 

“So changing your number won’t help, I take it?” She tried to make light of the situation slightly, but you just glared at her. 

“No. It won’t.” You played with the zipper on your duffle bag. 

“So, if you know this guy, why do you seem so off about it?”

“Kris, thats exactly why I’m off. I know him.” The innuendo in that statement made your skin crawl. “I know what he is capable of. And all things considered, he is a man with nothing to loose. He is dangerous, and it sounds like the wrong people have a hold on him.” 

“Why did you come back early? Why not take the time to process? And why the hell wouldn’t you fly in?” You knew this would come up, and you weren’t sure you knew the answer. 

“Honestly, I just need to work. I need to figure out what this guy has been doing to warrant a top tier security firm being hired to protect an A List celebrity. I need to know the in between, and what he has been up to since his discharge that lead up to this point. He is too dangerous to just take time away- so I need to bury myself in work. Occupy my time. ” You state, sitting yourself down on the sofa. You didn’t want to tell her you drank yourself into a stupor and didn’t feel like flying would be safe. 

“Ok.” She left it at that, for which you were thankful. But you could tell she knew there was more. 

“Has there been any discussion as to what this guy has already done to the client?” You ask, moving your bag to the floor so you could rest more comfortably on the sofa. 

“The Client? Y/N, just say Scarlett.  And no, not to my knowledge. All I know is that this security threat has affected and rattled her to the point she lost her husband as a result. I know you care, but you need to rest first, so you can put your best foot forward. When was the last time you slept?” She asked, coming over to kneel by the sofa.

“I dunno,” you mumble, glancing at your watch, which now read 3:15 PM. “I couldn’t sleep, so I was up at 3 yesterday morning.” She shook her head in disapproval. 

“Y/L/N, you need to sleep. Do you need me to drive you back to the apartment?”

“No, I’ll head there in a little bit. I just need to rest for a bit and feel productive.” You don’t want to let her know that you’re planning on staying here, you know that he will be watching your apartment. You don’t trust him when he knows you’re alone. 

“Ok, Y/N. Get some rest, wash up and I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks K. And thank you for bringing me something to eat.” You smiled briefly. 

“You know it. And Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of that hand. I don’t wanna know how that shit happened.” She narrowed her eyes at you, insinuating that she thinks it may be self inflicted. 

You watched as she left your office after placing your food into the small fridge located behind your desk. You made sure that she left the floor before moving your bag into the hidden bathroom, hanging up your work clothes so they wouldn’t be wrinkly for the morning. This is the time you were glad that they let you design your own office. You had hidden the bathroom, so no one really knew there was one in here but Kris, but even she had no clue that you had designed a full hidden Murphy bed into the wall as well. You pulled the book on your shelf that was responsible for the latch, and slowly eased the bed onto the floor. You flopped onto the mattress, pressing a button on the wall nearby to draw all the shades for the windows to the office, allowing the room to fall into darkness. You grabbed your phone and set a series of alarms, ensuring that you would wake up before anyone arrived for work in the morning, and so you could freshen up in the gyms showers.

(CHAPTER 9)

[p1xiemeat]

it has been brought to my attention that someone sending anon messages to multiple people i follow on here.

the messages are either just slandering me or spreading lies about me.

OR

i just discovered fhat someone is ALSO sending messages to ppl harassing them ABOUT me. saying things like "katie is so much better than you" or "stop copying @hauntedfae" etc.

basically harassing them about me to try to insinuate that its ME sending the messages.

this is honestly heartbreaking and it angers me so much because i love and wish nothing but positivity for every blog i follow on here.

i wanted to make this post to let all of you know that i do not send anon hate. and i don't even send anons in general. and if you are someone who has received ANY type of message with MY name in it, just know that i never sent it and i do not think badly of any of you.

if i ever have an issue with someone i will ALWAYS message them DIRECTLY. i think its ridiculous and downright childish when someone sends anons and PERSONALLY HARASSES SOMEONE just because they have a problem with them. its happened to me plenty of times. and ive also received messages about other girls and when i get those messages, i always message the person its about to try to resolve the issue. and ive actually made quite a few friends on here because i decided to tal to them myself instead of assuming things about them. like @coffindollie ♡

i do not have any problems with anybody online. and ive had an ONGOING issue with a specific person who has been trying to cause problems with me since 2018. they've done everything you can imagine to me. and i can't even tell you how many ppl have believed them or thought i was attackjnf them because of this person.

it really hurts. i use social media to share the things that make me happy and meet new ppl and i don't want to be associated with or involved in drama and cruelty toward others.

if you have received ANY messages with my name in them i am begging you to please talk to me first before you assume they are true. i don't hate anyone. i don't wish negativity toward anyone. even the person who is doing this.

if you think its okay to hurt people and try to tear them down or tear down their self esteem for no reason whatsoever then you clearly have your own issues and need to be helped. not hated.

i don't want to be the reason for anyone's anger, sadness, or insecurities. and i hate that i even have to make this post.

it literally gives me so much anxiety not knowing who is receiving things about me and who possibly might hate me now because of it. it just makes me sad. i love all of you. if i follow you its because something about you and your blog makes me happy or comforts me in some way.

the online harassment is so unnecessary and cruel. it literally costs you nothing to just be kind to people.

and as for telling people that im "copying them" or that they are "copying me": grow up. people are allowed to like things. people are allowed to enjoy things. and nobody should be harassed relentlessly for having similar interests and style. nobody should be relentlessly harassed for something as harmless as loving the same things as you or me.

life is hard enough without adding hatred and unnecessary bullying into the mix. and if you have a problem with me, then TALK TO ME. im not going to talk shit to you for it or ignore you. we are all adults here. i will try my best to put myself in your position and see where you are coming from. and ill try my best to resolve the issue you have in a way that helps us both feel better about it instead of creating further drama. im ✨tired✨ of people using anon to hide behind while they try to hurt people and turn people against each other.

sorry for the long post. i just don't want issues with anybody and i certainly don't want ANYONE feeling bad about themselves or feeling like they can't post on here because someone said something about me or made you think it WAS me.

if you just talk to me instead of fueling the drama i promise you will see that i don't have malicious intentions whatsoever. im just trying to mind my business and post things that make me happy. thats it. there's no hidden agenda. there's no jealousy or hatred or secret beef i have toward anyone.

i hope you all are doing well and if you are being harassed/bullied then i am here for u and u can talk to me any time💜🖤

i myself have been a victim of bullying and harassment. ive been a victim of rumor and lies. ive been so affected by it to the point where ive tried to end my own life and have self harmed because of it.

bullying is not a joke. you never know what someone is going through. you don't know if your harassment might be the last thing that pushes them over the edge. i still get bullied for the time i attempted suicide because of bullying. have some fucking empathy and understand that these are human beings who have lives that you are messing with. and your words have more of an impact than you think.

thankfully i am in a better place mentally than i was when i first started being targeted. but i still have anxiety. i still get extremely worried and upset when i see these things happening to me or other people. it makes me not even want to be online anymore. and ive left the internet multiple times to try and escape bullies. ive gone months without even posting because i couldn't handle the harassment anymore. i don't wish that feeling upon anyone. and if you need something cleared up or just need a friend you can always message me.

i don't hate anyone. and when ppl are depressed or upset it makes me upset. maybe im just sensitive or just have too much empathy, but it genuinely hurts me so much to see cruel behavior displayed toward anyone.

like i said, i don't KNOW exactly WHO or WHAT is being said about me to ppl. i just know that multiple people have came to me directly with screenshots of things ppl have said about me or have tried to make SEEM like its me sending them stuff. and im not sure what else i can do besides publicly write a post telling you guys how i feel about it.

i don't want anything to do with drama. and i always try to ignore ppl harassing me. but when it starts affecting other people it breaks my heart. its not okay. and i will do my best to try to spread positivity to make up for it.

i love you all༺♡༻ thanks for taking the time to read this.

~ katie

[milks-shake-cafe]

I know I said I was gonna do this months ago but now I'm finally gonna talk to you guys about my J.JK self insert!

♧ She works at a little café! She has 0 clue about the sorcerer world; she's sort like that guy with the 5 sisters who got rancid vibes from Ge.to and quit on the spot FNTUHJHH She can generally feel when something's off and will hightail out of there

♧They're usually on the morning shift so they're learning how to bake pastries and the like!

♧My insert first meets Iji.chi due to their job. He was doing a coffee/breakfast run for everyone (which bless him, we all know Go.jo's order was a mile long and overly complicated on purpose FNTUHJ) while my insert was running the cash register. We had a little chat while everything was getting prepared and he appreciated that I was genuinely polite to him!

♧After awhile, he begins to develop a crush on them. He always gets questioned as to why he gets red in the face everytime he picks up coffee now

♧My insert knows his, Iji.chi's personal, order by heart! I make it automatically and put it to the side for him around pickup time. It even happens on days where he doesn't come in, force of habit fbtuhjyg

♧I start trying to make cute designs on his stuff, like a cat or bear on his bread, but um. They're really wonky. (One of my friends joked, saying he probably mumbles "Looks like a cursed spirit..." FBTYBJ)

♧My insert practices a lot of baking and designing at home to finally give Iji.chi something cute to enjoy. Once he finally has it down-pat, Iji.chi compliments my improvement and almost doesn't want to eat/drink it because of the cuteness

♧This endeavor led them to finally share phone numbers and the majority of texts where me sending pictures and progress updates of my at-home bakes. While he doesn't have a hobby like that due to work, Iji.chi usually ends up sending me pics of stray cats he encounters throughout the day (A lot of these are ideas my friends came up with. Their brains are so huge and I love them, mwah)

♧Btw, Go.jo can and will steal this poor man's phone and send chaotic messages and selfies of him running away from him GNGYHJ

♧This guy would be so fucking adorable. He'd send pics of himself in front landmarks and stuff doing a shy little peace sign. WHY IS HE SO CUTE??

♧A few times he shows what he ate somewhere and recommends it to me, I go "Yeah! We should totally go there together!" And he flusters at the idea of a date

♧Iji.chi really tries his best of keeping his work separate from our relationship. He wants to keep this one thing his; I make him feel appreciated and less anxious and he doesn't want it to disappear!

♧His actual job slips out by accident. We go on a date and there's a curse spirit just sitting right next to us. He tries to subtlety get us to move to a different area but I'm here like, "Hey, I think we should go somewhere else. I'm really uncomfortable" while looking straight at it. So he just has this sigh of relief of "Oh thank goodness you can see cursed spirits too" while my insert is like ???

♧He really thought this man was a school chaperone and accountant for the longest FBGYGH

♧While he's thankful that I listen to my gut and I'm happy that it's not my anxiety and paranoid going overdrive all the time, he still gets concerned that I'll get attacked by something I cannot see. He's worried when he isn't around but tries to protect me in ways he knows he can.

♧I can and will parade him around my and his friends, loving on my soggy towel of a man! I honestly think he's waiting for the other shoe to drop; for me to one day realize I can do better and just leave. Meanwhile, I'm here like, "No, we're gonna get married in the future. You're stuck with me. FOR LIFE"

[beaker1636]

Ryan Car Accident Angst

a/n: I am not 100% sure what to title this so it is untitled. I have wanted to do a angsty car accident fic for awhile so when @tearfallpixie tagged me in this post I knew what I wanted to do with it and this is where my mind went. I’m not the best at angsty stuff so I apologize if this isn’t my best work but I didn’t think it was too bad for my first real crack at angsty stuff.

P.S. sorry if the formatting is wonky, I had to upload this via mobile instead of my laptop because my laptop was being a jerk 😂 also this is unedited like usual so sorry for any typos!

“Hey Ry, is y/n joining us for our celebration dinner tonight? I never asked, I know all the other girlfriends are going to join us,” Chris asks Ryan, curious. You and Ryan have been together for a few months now but he has not brought you around for anyone to meet you yet, everyone is interested in getting to know you.

“Yeah, I am picking her up later from work and we will meet you all at the restaurant. She has been nervous about meeting everyone which is why I haven’t brought her around quite yet,” Ryan smiles when he thinks of you, he is really looking forward to getting to introduce you to his second family tonight. If he had it his way he would have sooner but you were nervous about it, worried that being the boring school teacher you didn’t think that you would fit in with any of them. While he has reassured you otherwise your anxieties just have not left, in fact you are really nervous about this tonight.

“I didn’t think about it being Friday, at least it's the end of the week and she’ll be off for a few days.” Chris says, trying to sound supportive towards his friend.

“Yeah, and it’s fall break next week so they don’t go back until Thursday so we have almost a full week together, we talked about taking a road trip somewhere starting tomorrow for a few days. That way we can have alone time before the next tour hits.”

“I’m going to head out to go shower before we all meet up, I will see you tonight Ryan,” Chris says before leaving his friends house, they can continue to work on the new song tomorrow.

Ryan decides to go and take a shower himself before he comes to get you, wanting to refresh and have a clear mind when he sees you, excited that you are finally going to join him and meet the guys tonight.

Stepping out of the shower he gets dressed and then gets in his car, ready to make the drive to your school and pick you up. There is still time before you guys are all due at the restaurant but that doesn’t bother either of you, he already knew you planned to change and freshen yourself up after he got you, that you wanted to go back to your apartment before you went to see everyone.

He messages you that he has arrived and waits until he sees you pop outside of the school, making your way over to him with a smile with your bag.

When you get in his car you lean over the center armrest to give him a quick kiss, lingering in the moment before pulling away to put on your seatbelt when he starts to make the drive to your place.

“How was your day, hopefully the kids were easier on you today than yesterday,” he asks you as he softly grabs your hand with his, watching the road.

“It was, the kids were all pretty good today. Honestly for a Friday it wasn’t half bad, how was your day? Did you and Chris finish the song you were working on?” you ask, smiling at him. You loved watching him when he was focused on something, whether it be driving or watching a show with you, whatever it is he is paying attention to.

“We did not, for some reason there is something that just isn’t clicking. We decided to just give up and call it a day as we both were getting really frustrated, sometimes it's best just to call it a day,” you can see that he was a little frustrated while talking about it so you rub the back of his hand with your thumb hoping that he finds comfort in the touch.

“I understand that, at least we get a few days to relax and spend time together after tonight, I think that we both need this,” you answer him softly, hoping he is as excited as you are about having this time together.

He pulls into your apartment parking lot, grabbing your hand as you both make your way into the building. He takes a seat on your couch while you change out of your teacher's clothing into a decent pair of jeans and a nice tank top, touching up your hair and makeup before going back out and sitting next to Ryan, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for agreeing to go tonight with me y/n. I know that it makes you nervous but everyone will love you, you’re going to fit in well.” he says, lightly rubbing his hand on your bare arm as you sit there quietly.

“I’d be lying if I said I am not anxious but I have to eventually right?” you ask him softly, sighing to yourself. “We should probably leave Ry.”

“Yeah, I was just enjoying the moment. Let’s head out.”

You both make your way back to his car so that you can start your way to the restaurant to meet up with everyone, not completely sure what you are currently thinking. As if Ryan can sense your hesitation he grabs your hand the second you are in your seat and turns to look at you.

“Seriously, don’t worry about tonight. It is going to be just fine, I promise. If you get too uncomfortable then we can leave.” He says, now holding your face with a hand so that he can make you look at him. You nod, not really having anything to say back.

Ryan pulls onto the road, starting his drive while you sit there quietly, watching out your window lost in your thoughts, not really paying much attention to anything, choosing to just think despite the fact that might not be the best thing for you to be doing.

Before either of you can process what is happening another car runs a red light, slamming into your side of the car, your door crumpling inwards, the window breaking covering you in glass as your head slams into the door making you black out almost instantly from the impact.

Ryan slams into his door from the force of the other car, feeling the airbag hitting him hard, leaving him out of breath momentarily as he registers what happens. He immediately looks over at you, panic and grief hitting him when he sees how bad of shape you are in. Trying to undo his seatbelt so he can get to you all he can do is grab your arm, desperate to try and get your attention, try to get you to wake up despite the fact part of him knows that you are too injured to do so, losing a lot of blood from a couple of your wounds.

He sobs, letting out a shaky breath, “I can’t lose you, please. I love you y/n, hang on. I can see lights coming down the road, they’re going to help you.”

When the paramedics arrived he wound up separated from you as they extracted you from the vehicle, being the most injured you were the first one to be transported out in an ambulance, the other driver and Ryan we’re next as neither was injured quite as badly as you were.

At the hospital they bandaged Ryan up, he had a couple broken ribs and minor whiplash but nothing that overly bad minus the severe bruising where the seatbelt held him in his seat. He refused to leave, he wasn’t completely sure what happened to you, they never told him other than that you had to be rushed back into emergency surgery. They wouldn’t tell him much as he isn’t family, so he is waiting for your parents to answer the call and to give the doctors permission to tell him what is happening because they live out of state.

He was trying his best not to break down and cry but it was becoming harder and harder the more time passed, he can’t believe that this happened when everything was supposed to be so great. He was going to tell you he loved you on your trip, the two of you had plans and he finally got to introduce you to his second family and this had to happen.

He feels a hand settle on his shoulder and looks up to see Rick looking at him concerned, Rick immediately pulling the taller man into a hug not really caring at this point who saw, just wanting to comfort his friend. Ryan finally broke down in the hug, not noticing that the rest of his friends and their girlfriends had now joined him in the waiting room.

“Have you heard anything yet?” Rick asks him softly when Ryan pulls away from the hug.

“Not yet, they said they can’t tell me anything unless her family okays it when they call because I am not family. All I know is she is in emergency surgery, but I have no clue what for or anything.” Ryan answers, drawing in a shaky breath and looking at everyone who has shown up in the waiting room. “She suffered a lot worse than myself or the other driver, they told me it was an idiot teen who was texting.”

“I’m sure she will be okay, she’s at the best place that she could be right now.” Chris says giving his friend a small smile as they all take a seat with him, wanting to support him as much as they can.

A few hours later a nurse comes out, looking around the room at everyone asking for Mr. Sitkowski. Ryan stands up and makes his way over to where the nurse was standing, eager to find out anything that he can.

“We got permission from Ms. y/l/n parents to update you and let you see her. She is out of surgery, she wound up breaking her neck. We did a surgery to repair it the best we can, she could potentially be paralyzed but we won’t know that until she is awake and we can do further assessments. She did need stitches in several cuts in her face and head, and has severe bruising all over. But, she is alive. If you would like to, you can go back to her room, we can get you a blanket and you can stay as long as you want. Normally that is reserved for family but we have permission for you to stay with her in her room.”

He lets everyone know what he was just told, them all going home for the night, before walking back with the nurse, quickly moving a chair close to your bed so that he can sit next to you and grab your hand. He wants to kiss your forehead, wake you up and let you know that he is there but he knows that he can't. All he wants is to give you what little form of comfort that he can while you are laying there, still unconscious.

“It will likely be several hours before she is awake. Would you like a blanket so you can sleep in the chair?” A nurse asks him sympathetically.

He nods, and gladly accepts the drink she hands him and the blanket before she shuts the lights off and he doses out.

He notices a little movement which quickly wakes him up several hours later, looking over at you. He quickly smiles when he notices that your eyes are fluttering open, finally having the reassurance that everything will ultimately be okay. He doesn’t care if you wind up paralyzed, if you can’t walk, all that he cares about is that you are awake and alive. Tears falling down his face in relief when you look up at him and you squeeze his hand lightly.

“You have no clue how happy I am you are awake y/n. I have been worried sick all night about you,” he says gently, moving to kiss your forehead as he looks at you with what you can only describe as love in his eyes.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily…” you trail off slightly, squeezing the hand that is currently holding yours.

He calls your nurse down so that they can do what they need to do, the surgeon himself coming in to do some tests and relaying the good news that you were able to wiggle your toes and move, so the paralysis risk is gone. When they finish all the tests and leave your room you look over at Ryan, wanting to tell him something you found really important.

“I heard you, you told me that you loved me,” you say softly, blushing as you glance at him.

“Yes,” he responds back, not an ounce of hesitation in his voice.

“While you thought I was dying in your arms, in front of you,” you say even softer, almost whispering when you make eye contact with him, while Ryan tries to figure out where you are going with this.

“Yes, I thought I was going to lose you,” he responds, reaching to brush some hair out of your face where it hung. Trying to distract himself slightly while he waits to hear what you have to say next.

“Well, I’m still alive. Care to repeat that?” You ask, this time a bit more bold as you look at him, begging him to do so.

“I love you y/n. The realization hit me when we were stuck in that car and I thought I was losing you. I’m sorry it took me almost losing you to realize that,” he says, kissing your forehead softly, not wanting to accidentally hurt you somehow as you laid in the bed looking uncomfortable.

“I love you too Ry, I wanted you to say it so I could say it back,” you say gently, knowing that while you have a long road ahead that he is going to walk every step with you. That he will help you with everything that you need, that he will love you and comfort you through this, and at that moment you knew that you could never let him go. You two made it through this, you can make it through the recovery and anything else that you face in the future if you make it through this and you know that you can with him by your side.

[electricea]

@dragvnsovl sent - 🔥( Unpopular Opinions - Accepting! )

Okay so definitely this shipping post got me thinking about it although I did see something a few days ago which just made me feel some sort of way - it was something about being particular with plotting and only having people message them if they were serious 'cause they didn't want to deal with the whole hem and hawing and plotting, the like 'no, what do you want to do?' back and forth of it and I mean on one hand, I sympathized because going in circles can be sort of tiring if it feels like it's not going anywhere.

On the other hand, as a person who's just naturally indecisive and more times than not, doesn't really have a definite plot in mind when reaching out to plot, it just felt sort of harshly worded? I get that it's difficult to come up with a plot on the spot and I always take pains to tell people who I'm plotting with that we don't have to come up with some grand plot by the end of it, just maybe a basis that we can build off of.

I dunno, plotting is an experience that for me (and it seems a few others given that I hear this quite a bit) that can be really anxiety inducing especially if you're doing it for the first time and yes I do believe you need to reach a point where you're actually getting stuff done, it just felt honestly harsh and it definitely reignited the old anxiety bug for me a bit, lol.

[underratedandoverit]

writing your request gave me another idea, so i'm sending it to you lol. while kip's recovery from the belt is going well, orange suddenly has some of his old symptoms from his own recovery come back, making him unable to function for the day. so now it's kip's turn to take care of him while also getting a chance to see just how bad it was for orange back then. let me know if you need any other details!

disclaimer i did not proofread this, so any funky structure or words or anything is just there, deal with it. its too late and i want this out tonight woo

~4,5k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

set in the belt corruption arc(/immortal fears technically). has a good old chuck cameo. generally anxiety and shades of unreality are present. hurt/comfort would probably be my best guess for a genre, hints of angst. happy ending tho 💜

On Ao3

------------

With a yawn, Kip pushed his chair away from the desk, stretching his arms over his head. It had been a long but a very good day, another successful stream with the squad and much less angry yelling than he was anticipating. He was glad to have this time at home again, it had been quite some time since the last time he was able to sit down for this long period of time to focus on something so special to him. Streaming was a good, happy place for him still, one of those things that he could pick up again after being away from it for a long time, and it actually made him feel somewhat normal again, which a lot of things he tried really didn’t do.

Maybe it was because it had been so long, that he had almost completely dropped the hobby he had previously invested so much time and effort into, that it felt so good and normal to get back to it. Being so focused on the game and listening to his friends laugh and bicker while entertaining an audience he didn’t directly see felt so different to Kip, it felt like something he had genuinely missed all this time. Since he hadn’t really given it the time of the day or any thought really while he had been dealing with the belt.

His arms dropped to the armrests of the chair, Kip leaning his head back as he stared at the ceiling for a moment. The silence in the room felt nice for a change, as the Discord call with the boys had just ended and he was left on his own once again. But it didn’t feel bad, honestly. It was quite nice to him, for a change. Maybe Kip was still coming down from the high of the last game and the victory of it, maybe he was just for once in a place after everything that had happened where being alone in silence made him feel content instead of panicking him the hell out.

It didn’t matter though. Whatever it was, it felt really nice.

Kip reached his hands up, removing the headphones from his head as he finally straightened up on his seat, proceeding to turn the computer off. He could have gotten a bit more stream related work done today if he so wished, it was still early in the evening, but stretching his legs and getting away from the screen for at least a little while felt like a better idea to him. He needed to get something to eat anyway and he was out of energy drinks, plus he needed to check on Cassidy, as Kip hadn’t seen him for a few hours now.

Not that he was really worried or anything, but usually when they were apart from one another for this long of a period of time, at least one reached out to the other to make sure they were fine. Be it with just a single text message of ‘hey’ or asking what they wanted for dinner or if they were hungry in the first place. And today so far, Kip had received no such messages, or sent any out himself since he let Cassidy know he would be starting a stream.

Picking his phone from the desk, checking it as the thoughts crossed his mind, Kip’s brows arched a little as he checked over his messages, not seeing the usual blue tick mark next to the messages he sent out hours ago at this point, everything having gone unread.

Pushing up on his feet, Kip quickly exited the office, heading towards the living room. Maybe Cassidy had just fallen asleep and was taking a very long nap, it wasn’t unheard of him especially after a long, rough work week. Kip stopped in the doorway, scanning the empty room with confusion taking over his face.

Slowly the panic starting to rise in him, he turned on his heels, heading upstairs. Maybe he was there, having a good sleep in the bedroom instead. Kip could feel himself stumbling on his feet as he almost tripped up the stairs, trying to steady his breathing as he could suddenly feel the walls closing in on him, the sudden realization of loneliness was taking him over. It felt so familiar in a scary way, he could see from the corner of his eyes the shadows moving around him, every footstep against the wooden flooring echoing in his ears and ringing through his head as he reached for the bedroom door, almost bursting through it as he finally reached it.

Kip stumbled in the bedroom, a wave of comfort and safety immediately washing over him as he stopped the familiar pile of denim clad man laying on it.

He wasn’t sure if Cassidy was awake or not, but he didn’t react as Kip burst into the room with probably way too much force than he intended. Kip stood there in the doorway, taking in the sight of his boyfriend for a moment, a warm, content feeling slowly filling him as he watched the other man’s back steadily rise and lower along his breathing as he was laying on his stomach in the middle of the queen sized bed.

Stepping inside the room finally, Kip walked to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it, his eyes never leaving Cassidy. He looked so peaceful on his spot, but Kip had to admit that he was almost… Too peaceful.

He carefully reached a hand towards him, laying it on his back. Kip’s eyes dimmed a little as he could feel Cassidy tense up under his touch, such reaction not being very usual for him when being shown affection. Kip shifted on his spot a little, sitting up a bit better, giving Cassidy a gentle nudge with his hand.

“Hey… You okay?”

This time Cassidy moved, only to curl up on his side and roll slightly away from him and his touch. Kip slowly pulled his hand back to himself, trying to comprehend this sudden change in behavior in the other man. He hadn’t seen this from Cassidy before, and honestly it was worrying him a lot.

Especially since Kip could see hints of his own previous behavior in this sudden change of attitude in him.

Kip jumped a little as he could suddenly hear buzzing coming from somewhere close by. Eyes shooting towards the sound, he spotted Cassidy’s phone sitting on the nightstand, screen flashing with an incoming call he deducted based on the length of the buzzing sound. He looked at Cassidy, the blond completely ignoring the sound as he didn’t even move on his spot, for a moment Kip not being sure if he was even breathing anymore as he just remained completely still, ignoring his surroundings.

Slowly sliding off the bed Kip stood up, walking around the bed to the nightstand, picking the phone in his hand. He watched Chuck’s familiar name flashing on the screen, disappearing just as he was looking at the screen, marking him hanging up the call. Before the screen turned off again, Kip could see it reading ‘25 missed calls’ and a pile of unread messages, similarly from Chuck, a few probably from others too.

Kip turned towards Cassidy slowly, any remaining resemblance of a positive outlook about the situation leaving him as Kip watched him just continue to lay still on the bed, the sunglasses still on his face he had pressed hard against the bed. The position he was in looked rather painful, even more so when Kip now knew he wasn't asleep and was absolutely doing it willingly to himself. 

"...Chuck's been trying to reach you." 

Cassidy remained completely stoic and unreactive, making Kip's face sink even more looking at him. He wasn't sure what had brought this behavior forward, he hadn't seen Cassidy act like this even on his worse days. Sure the man was often very closed off due to both his persona and personality, but it never got this bad. He always at least responded to Kip if no one else, but now it seemed like even he couldn't get through to him. 

There was something so clearly wrong that Kip just didn't know how he was supposed to deal with the situation.

He could feel the panic rising again, trying to override those thoughts with the knowledge that he needed to stay calm right now. There was no one else around that could take care of this, there was no one else that knew what was going on, there was no --

Before Kip’s thoughts could race any further, the phone buzzed in his hand again. His eyes widened as they shot towards it, Chuck’s name flashing on the screen again. Pushing all his other thoughts to the side, Kip reached for the phone screen with his free hand, quickly sliding the bar on the screen before lifting the phone up to his ear.

“Orange? Orange? Thank god--”

“Chuck.”

The line went quiet for a moment, Kip considering briefly just dropping the phone next to Cassidy on the bed with the speaker on to let Chuck talk directly to him as he might have been an unwanted part of this conversation. But as Chuck’s voice picked up again, despite how awkward he sounded, at least it made Kip aware that he was needed to be around for this.

“...Kip? Where’s… Where’s Orange?”

Kip glanced at the denim clad man on the bed, wondering what would be the best response to the obvious question about the situation at hand. It was obvious that Cassidy hadn’t picked up the phone for hours, clearly signaling that something was very wrong, but while Kip could physically see it, he wasn’t sure he was able to explain any of it.

“He’s… He’s okay.”

As the words left Kip’s mouth, he wasn’t able to look at the blond anymore. Exiting the bedroom, he stopped in the hallway of the second floor, stopping to lean against the wall as he stared at the bedroom door he closed after himself, wondering if Chuck was going to be able to help him in this situation. Kip most likely knew what was wrong, this was familiar on a very personal distressing level to him, but he didn’t know if Chuck knew anything or if he was able to help.

“Can I talk to him? I just want to make sure.”

Kip shook his head, briefly forgetting in his distress that he was actually on the phone and Chuck wasn’t standing right there looking at him. He brushed a hand over his face, inhaling deeply, getting caught by a surprise at how much his breath was trembling. “I… I don’t think he really wants to talk.”

“Kip. What is going on? Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know.”

The words slipped out of his mouth faster than Kip could stop them, coming out so quietly he wasn’t sure at first if Chuck had heard them. The silence that fell over the call was telling him more than enough though, it takes a good few seconds before Chuck’s voice cut back in.

“You don’t know? Are you home, do I have to come over?”

Kip thought about his offer for a second, but knew that ultimately having another person here physically was just going to make everything even more difficult for them to deal with. While Kip wasn’t exactly sure what was going on with Cassidy, he knew enough from personal experience that getting too many people involved during a weak moment like this was just going to make it worse. As much as he trusted Chuck, he also didn’t want him to butt in to their house at a time like this.

“No… No, it would just make it worse. I just don’t know what to do.”

He was slowly starting to feel more confident telling Chuck about this, him being grilled had caught him off guard at first, but slowly Kip was leaning more into trying to get help from the one other man that might know what was going on. From what Cassidy had told him before, Chuck had been there a lot for him during his dark times just like Cassidy had been for Kip, so he had formed a sort of an understanding that Chuck also knew something about this… Curse, as they liked to refer to it after all the incidents.

Kip never really talked with Chuck though, he was aware of Kip’s situation with Cassidy, but if he was ever around, it was always for his blond friend. Kip was always an afterthought. Which he didn’t really mind in this case, he still wasn’t entirely over with what had happened to him after losing the belt, so talking about any of it with someone like Chuck would probably have been awkward anyways.

“I… I think he’s relapsing.”

That was the best way he could put it, the words they had been using between Kip and Cassidy to talk about situations where one of them, that usually being Kip, got worse again after a good period of being at least somewhat okay and functional. Kip wasn’t sure if Chuck was made aware of this terminology though, the silent reply he was getting from the other end of the call not really helping him figure it out.

“Okay… Okay that’s not good. Where is he? Is he at least in one piece?”

“He’s safe, in the bedroom. Just… Completely unresponsive, laying on the bed, barely moves away from the touch.”

Kip could hear Chuck groaning, sounding like he was suddenly more annoyed than worried anymore. Maybe it was a good sign, maybe this was behavior that he had seen before?

“Okay, listen.” Kip nodded, this time it didn't matter that Chuck didn’t see the gesture from him. “He’s aware of his surroundings if he’s avoiding touches. That’s a good sign. What you need to do is to try to ground him. We need to get him back to reality.”

Now it was starting to sound familiar. This was something Cassidy had told him before, that he had learned to do with him at days when Kip was in much of a similar state than he was right now. The problem was that Kip usually didn’t remember anything about those days when he was laid out and bedridden, so he wasn’t sure exactly how to do that. Cassidy had told him that talking seemed to help most of the time, but apart from that, Kip really had no idea.

“How do we do that?”

Chuck brought this up, maybe he had an idea. If this had been a thing with Cassidy previously while he was in recovery, Chuck had to have been there. He would know.

“Okay, do you have something small and possibly something that dissolves that you could try to feed to him? Sugar, maybe? And something to drink, something tastier than water. He needs those senses activated.”

“Yeah… Yeah I think we have something in the kitchen. Is there anything else?”

“Try to be there with him. Talk to him. Make sure he hears you and understands that you’re there, even if he most likely won’t respond. The last thing you want to do is leave him alone.”

Kip pushed himself off from the wall, heading downstairs and towards the kitchen. He tried to push Chuck’s last words out of his mind, knowing that he had already more than enough failed at that task, having spent most of the day away from him while Cassidy had been in this kind of a condition. He could hopefully still remedy all of this though, if he just followed the rest of Chuck’s advice. It all sounded distantly familiar to him, Kip couldn’t say for sure if Cassidy had been feeding him things while he had been out of it on the worst days, but the talking and closeness otherwise did ring some mental bells to him.

Kip excused himself from the call as he entered the kitchen, knowing that he was going to have his hands full going back upstairs. Thankfully Chuck was understanding, just telling Kip to let him know if things got worse and to text him when Cassidy got better. Stuffing the phone into the pocket of his sweatpants, Kip started opening the kitchen cupboards, trying to find as many items he could try to get Cassidy to consume for him, not really being sure what he could get to work. Anything from basic sugar cubes to sample packs of Nutella to mints and Starbursts, he took everything small enough he could find, alongside a few energy drinks he could try to get Cassidy to taste.

Kip wasn’t really sure if he was feeling hopeful or not about this, Chuck hadn’t really made it clear if this was actually going to work or not. He said it was what usually what worked. Glancing at the pile of food items in his hands as Kip headed back upstairs, he could feel a hard to swallow lump in his throat, teasing him with the thought that what if this wasn’t going to help after all? What if all this was for nothing? That he could try whatever he wished, and he just wasn’t going to be able to help Cassidy, not able to bring him back to this side of consciousness from the darkness.

He stopped at the bedroom door, almost too afraid to open it again. Considering the situation he was sure that Cassidy hadn’t moved from the spot Kip had left him in, but there was still a certain fear in the back of his head that what if something had happened. That he had somehow done something to himself while Kip was away.

Chuck’s words kept playing in his head. ‘The last thing you want to do is leave him alone.’ Had he already fucked this up? Was there no way to reverse this anymore? This was the first time Kip was on the other end of this situation, he hadn’t talked much with Cassidy about his feelings and fears when Kip was having one of these days himself, so he really didn’t know when it was too late to try to deal with it anymore.

Taking in a deep breath Kip tried to calm himself down, carefully pushing down the door handle, re-entering into the bedroom. A wave of content washed over him as he spotted Cassidy exactly where he was left a few minutes earlier, but at the same time Kip could feel the sadness and guilt finding him still laying there too. He wasn’t magically getting better on his own clearly, and Kip hadn’t been there enough for him to help him out.

Pushing the thoughts from his head for a moment, Kip walked around the bed, starting to pile the items from his hands to the floor. Cassidy didn’t seem to pay him any mind, still laying on his side, half of his face buried against the blanket with the sunglasses squished between it and his face in a rather painfully looking manner. As Kip was ready, he carefully approached the other man, lowering a hand on his face, carefully caressing his cheek.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Clementine,” he whispered, offering Cassidy a little smile, despite being sure he didn’t even perceive it. As Cassidy didn’t respond in any manner, vocal or physical, Kip carefully reached for him, slowly pulling the man closer to the edge of the bed. Cassidy didn’t resist, Kip having to hold himself together as Chuck’s words just kept repeating in his head. He had said that Cassidy responding even negatively to touches was good, so Kip wasn’t sure where this landed in the spectrum anymore. Hopefully Cassidy was just aware that Kip was here to help him and that’s why there was no resistance, and he actually wasn’t too far gone already.

Kip carefully slid him onto the floor, setting the blond to sit against the side of the bed. He sat down beside Cassidy, leaning his back against the nightstand, making sure that he had a good look at Cassidy’s face in case of sudden chances in his expression. It was also going to be much easier to try to feed him something from this angle, Kip thought to himself as he glanced at the items on the floor between the two of them.

“I… I got you a little something to eat.” Kip looked at Cassidy, wincing a little to himself as he could finally see the side of his face that had been laid against the bed all this time. The frames of the sunglasses had left a noticeable mark on his face, and while Kip was sure it wasn’t that painful if Cassidy could feel it in the first place, it sure didn’t look very pretty. “It’s… It’s okay. We just have a little picnic here. On the bedroom floor. Just the two of us. With all your favorite treats.”

Kip offered him a smile, getting nothing back. He tried to not let it discourage him, reaching for the little cup of sugar cubes, picking one into his hand. Reaching for Cassidy’s face, he had to fight with him a little bit to be able to get his jaws to open up, but eventually Kip was able to slip a sugar cube into his mouth. He looked at the stoic man, not seeing even a slight movement from him as a response. Maybe he needed something else. Maybe some more encouragement.

Without thinking further, Kip leaned closer, pressing a little peck on his cheek. “You’re going to get better, I promise. I’m here now.”

Maybe he was imagining it. Maybe he wasn’t but it was just a coincidence, but Kip could swear he saw Cassidy swallowing as those words exited his mouth. Kip kept staring at him, trying to make sure he was actually seeing it, his eyes widening a little as he definitely saw it the second time, being followed by a very sudden change in Cassidy’s demeanor as Kip could hear him take in a breath.

Almost frantically Kip looked back to the floor, trying to pick out the next item to try. He hadn’t expected things to work out this fast in his favor, but it was definitely making him more motivated to continue. Maybe Cassidy was just easier to pull out of his rut so it was working on his faster, the man had had a longer recovery period than Kip did, so maybe it had something to do with it. It didn’t matter though, Kip had not confirmed that this was actually working and not hope had been lost, and he was going to continue to try to make it even better, slowly but steadily.

One item at a time he kept feeding them to Cassidy, telling him between each item how proud of him he was and how Kip was there to make things better. How he was sorry he hadn’t been there all day. Eventually ending up just talking about the stream he had earlier, what the boys had been up to and how mad he got at times. What fun things the chat was saying, what they discussed about. Kip tried to keep his mouth going as much as possible, just making sure that there was sound filling in the otherwise quiet room. He didn’t mind that Cassidy still didn’t reply to him, Chuck had thankfully prepared him for that part, and Kip had enough to talk about to just keep going.

As he was chatting away about something mundane, peeling the Starburst in his hand out of the wrapper, Kip watched as suddenly a lazy hand landed on his. His eyes widened as he froze in place, quickly glancing up to watch Cassidy be otherwise just as stoic as before. He wasn’t looking at Kip, not moving anything but the hand he landed on his, but Kip could feel him trying to make an effort to squeeze his hand, almost as if trying to communicate through that.

Kip smiled, holding Cassidy’s hand in one of his while the other one reached to put the Starburst into his mouth. Cassidy had become easier to feed the more Kip did it, this time him taking the candy into his mouth almost entirely on his own from Kip’s fingers. He pressed his hand against Cassidy’s cheek, his thumb caressing the side of his face.

“I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong, Clementine.”

They continued like this until Kip basically ran out of things to give to him, with each item Cassidy slowly giving him more and more signals of some levels of awareness. He was steadily getting better through this, though Kip had no idea how far he was able to actually take it. Like was Cassidy going to return to normal tonight, or what was a point where he could stop and they could just sleep the rest of it off? Again, he didn’t remember being on the other end of this problem himself though he knew it had happened before, so he had little to no reference point to go from.

As Kip spun the final energy drink can in his free hand, he glanced up at Cassidy. He had started to breathe much more freely as time went on, returning Kip’s hands reassuring squeezes every now and then. Kip could swear he was leaning into the touches and kisses to his face too, but as his expression wasn’t changing and the movements were very minimal, it was really hard to actually tell. But the progress was definitely there, that much he could say for sure.

Kip lowered the energy drink to the floor, trying to proceed to open it with one hand. He was stopped though as Cassidy lowered his other hand on top of it, gathering a questioning look from Kip, almost making him jump as he lifted his eyes to meet Cassidy’s face, the blond for the first time in the entire day actually looking directly at him. Still emotionless and behind the sunglasses, but he had shifted on his spot a noticeable amount to be face to face with Kip finally.

“…Kip.”

His voice was hoarse, the word barely audible. Kip just stared back at him, unable to move, unable to look away, just waiting for whatever was going to follow up with that.

“…Thank you.”

Shoving the energy drink aside, Kip leaned closer, pressing his lips against Cassidy’s. A smile rose up on his lips as he could feel him respond to the show of affection, very slightly and carefully Cassidy leaning into the kiss as well after a moment of hesitation.

[becauseplot]

Sorry if this is weird but I saw on the tags of one of ur reblog’s that you’ve been thinking about c!phil in the qsmp and can you expand on that??

I’ve genuinely been thinking about this for WEEKS as well and I’d love to hear ur headcanons!! Only if you want to ofc!!

Oh sure, I'd love to!! (SUPER long post incoming, hope you're ready lmao.)

Honestly they're not so much headcanons as they are ideas for plot?? I like writing, so a lot of my ideas are in the form of stories. The main reason I haven't attempted a fic yet is bc I don't have Enough plot to make anything atm, I've only got random scenes.

ANYWAY. c!Phil in qsmp. I'd probably take c!Phil as he is shortly after c!Techno's passing and chuck him into the qsmp story in the little bit of lore-downtime between the spiderbit wedding and when the election stuff started kicking up (but it's been announced by this point). It’s just so that I don't have to worry about working him into any major story arcs. Missa and q!Wilbur are also there because I said so.

The main thing I have in mind is just c!Phil seeing how different the community is on the island relative to his world---how united the island is, how alive the island is. People have waystones directly connecting each other to their bases and central areas; they drop in on each other all the time. People's comms buzz constantly as full conversations take place over global chat instead of through whisper-messages. There are security doors and reinforced walls but they're not necessarily to keep other islanders out; people share passcodes and access keys for emergencies. Everyone seems to know and trust each other despite the mysterious (and sometimes dangerous) circumstances they find themselves in.

In c!Phil's quiet, post-post-post-Doomsday world, where most were scattered to the wind or went into hiding, this would be a serious shock for him. I think it would take him a bit of time (and quite a bit of reassurance from q!Missa and q!Phil) for him to adjust to the fact he doesn't need to put a hand on his weapon every time someone gets a little too close. He'd probably be a bit overwhelmed by the sheer number of people and how inviting they are (introvert/isolationist moment). q!Phil (also introverted and isolative by nature) would clock this Immediately and come up with excuses for c!Phil whenever he clearly needs a break. Suddenly being around so many people, especially after c!Techno's passing...it would be draining.

What else... Oh, the "tttt" system! I have a whole Idea(TM) about this scene so I won't say too much here but c!Phil marveling at how everyone shows up to help. Again, the whiplash.

Also, hearing about the upcoming elections would give him an immediate shot of anxiety. Like, someone mentions the elections and c!Phil's face goes white. Yeah. Elections and community division are what led to him making the worst decision of his life (killing his son---though c!Wilbur's downward spiral started long before the elections). He hates to think that this loving community could be corrupted like L'Manburg's was. Before he's sent back to his homeword, he definitely takes the time to warn them about the potential danger they're running into.

OH! And the Technoblade shrine Tallulah made! Again, I've got a whole Scene about the Technoblade shrine in my head, so I'll keep this brief as to not just write out the whole scene (lmao), but I think he would really appreciate it. In his world, c!Techno had a lot more enemies than friends, so seeing how cherished c!Techno’s memory is in this world (cherished by q!Phil, by Chayanne, by Tallulah, by everyone who has heard the stories about Phil's old friend) would probably be so...relieving for c!Phil, who has felt so alone in his grief. (Of course, he has c!Niki and c!Ranboo to grieve with him back in his world, but again---hardcore isolationist. It would be a long time before he felt the motivation to reach out.)

I have a few other small details floating around (talking to q!Wilbur, the fancy "technology"/mods on the island, using paragliders to pseudo-fly, complaining about the tropical weather, the dubious existence of q!Kristin, anarchist solidarity, interactions with Chayanne and Tallulah, and so on) but I've laid out the meat of it.

God this post got long lmao. Clearly I need to get to writing that fic. Thanks for letting me ramble at ya! If you’ve got any ideas u wanna share, send em my way! No pressure to respond to this at all ofc I know this is a Lot. Thanks for the ask :D

[misty-missdee]

(Some of the names in this story have been altered. Viewer discretion advised.)

Okay, it's storytime. Cause this shit still baffles me to no end so I gotta write about it.

At my job I met these two women who I now affectionately refer to as "my two goth moms" and they're great! They've been super duper sweet to me, and have done a lot of cool things to help me exist.

One of them, we'll call her Viper, is this 41-42 year old super duper og goth. Sometimes wearing trip pants to work in our business casual office type lady. She's very cool and nice, but sometimes people misundstand her, because she has a loud voice and an aesthetic. Viper has a girlfriend who we will call Tiffany.

When I met Viper, Tiffany did not work in our office, but I had met her a couple times when they took me out as a baby trans who had no idea what she was doing. Which was nice!

Tiffany is a early 30s individual who had some dire shit happen to her when she was in the army. Like, more than one dire thing which we needn't get into but I feel it's relevant.

I had quit my job briefly whilst I was tryna discover the meaning of life, but eventually came back and now Tiffany was also working there. Which was fine for a time, but It meant I was spending more time around Tiffany who started to have a lot of struggles at work. The more time I spent in her proxy the more my vibe reading sensor in my brain was like "hey uh, something is off with this individual."

Long story short with that she had to take loa, and then quit. I would still hang out with the two of them outside of work, because im tryna be a friend and have friends on occasion. However, "The vibe is still kinda off..".

Just a few things that made me like, idk about this person. She was also starting to text me paragraphs upon paragraphs. I guess she just did this to people, but I didn't really love it, because it reminded of my my Mother who had a tendency to smother me. Im also just not tryna read a ton of words all the time. So I didn't always respond to these excerpts from her self help novel she was texting me (thats a joke). I don't like to be coddled.

One day she sent one about some unsubstantial interaction we had where she got referred to as a mother too, since shes dating my goth mom Viper. Tiffany asking me not to do that is fine, but then equated it to my transness and my "request to be called a woman" as she put it. Which I understand now wasn't how she meant it, but I was rubbed the wrong way. It was infuriating read when I'm having some pretty intense identity issues at that time, so I'm really not tryna engage with any of this anymore. (It's also not a "request" motherfucker).

I had responded to that particular longasstextmessage with "certainly" to Tiffany's request to not calling her mommy(not even as a joke im supr srs). I'm sure "certainly" can be read as a bit annoyed. Which hey! You'd be right.

She responded with a one to two word response which honestly had me shook. Then several minutes later an overcorrction paragraph or two.

I try to distance myself at this point, because Tiffany is now actively making MY ANXIETY WORSE. some weeks pass, and I'm cooking in my kitchen when I get a message. All I see at that exact time is the preview of the message and I read "from Tiffany: I'm attracted to you...". I can't help but laugh, because like again, we were no more than acquaintances miss.. you can't honestly be this down bad over me that youre saying IM IN YOUR DREAMS AT NIGHT DISTRACTING YOU ALL THE TIME. I'm also really not trying to wreck my adoptive mother's home!!! AAAAAA!!!

So I wrecked my adoptive mother's home(sorta). Viper and Tiffany ended up breaking up, because Tiffany was becoming increasingly delusional about many things in her life. The final straw was Tiffany refusing to go to therapy, and not fully anything to do with me (thank goodness).

Thankfully where we find ourselves now in relation to this story Tiffany is in therapy. Viper and I are still good friends. Viper and Tiffany are still decent friends though they're not living together, or really an item.

Tiffany also... bought me some Christmas presents I didn't accept during the holidays, because all of this was ongoing. It wasnt until March where i accepted them from Viper. Tiffany bought me a really expensive bong, which I guess is a nice gesture for everything that happened, but gosh.. it still felt like a crazy gift from someone whose energies were so off, and we weren't even that close. Its a real nice bong at least.

So, Thats my story about how I was too nearby this one person and she fell madly in love with me somehow, ruined her own relationship, and I got a nice, new bong.

[heartbeatsinwonderland]

Hi! I am heartbeatswonderland or you can call me K.

This is a sideblog because I am quite honestly far too much of a coward to make a proper blog (literally my cardiophile writing document is hidden behind four sets of the lyrics to the piña colada song). I am a she/her lesbian from the UK, have horrendous anxiety & I am a cardiophile.

This blog will be all about the heart. Heartbeats, stethoscopes, stething & stories, both fictional ones & the very few from my life. Again, this is a sideblog so I am so, so sorry about being unable to follow anyone back. no one wants to see my main blog, seriously, you're not missing out 😂

Absolutely HATE to be annoying here but I need to lay out & set some ground rules & boundaries.

🫀Men, there’s not going to be much here for you, but EVERYONE is welcome to interact if you are respectful! HOWEVER, please remember that I am a lesbian, DO NOT SEND ME NSFW PICTURES. I still struggle with the aftermath of being sexually assaulted & would find that deeply triggering.

🫀As I do not like how I look & am INCREDIBLY insecure, I will NOT be posting ANY pictures of myself or sending them, so PLEASE DO NOT ASK, REMEMBER THAT THERE IS A HUMAN BEING BEHIND THE BLOG. Honestly, you’re not missing out on anything 😅. I have awful acne that makes my breasts look troll like.

🫀Writing wise, I will accept requests, depending on what they are, but I will NOT write hardcore smut. My works will be nsfw mostly but there will be no hardcore smut. Of course there is a dark side to my love for heartbeats, but I’m not particularly confident in writing about it.

🫀Messages are fine! Come & say hello, I won’t bite 😅 I might initially come across as a little awkward because of my anxiety, but I’m mostly normal!Honestly just be polite, be kind & we will get along fine. 😊

You know, until I discovered Tumblr in 2016, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. As a child (& even now) I’d get this odd feeling in my stomach whenever the word ‘heartbeat’ would be brought up, I’d get it whenever I’d see someone get stethed on television, definitely when playing with toy stethoscopes with friends in my much younger years & weirdly enough i would hate being stethed by the doctor. it felt wrong (because to me stething is something intimate) but i was absolutely fixated on that part of the exam before, during & after the appointment. It was not until Tumblr & some pretty incredible blogs that I discovered that I am a ‘cardiophile’ it took me even longer to accept it.

I was in complete denial & even afraid of it at times, but there’s no hiding it (apart from people in real life of course 😅) I am a cardiophile. Thanks to a brilliant post I saw on here by a wonderful Tumblr user, I gained the courage to purchase my very own steth last year (another story for another post) & honestly it’s one of the best things I have ever done. I am still anxious about the whole thing really but I have created this blog so that I can unleash the last twenty years of pent up cardiophile creativity & so i don’t accidentally out myself as a cardiophile when writing my own novels 😅

[plumbobtv]

The After Show - Episode 8

Welcome back Victoria, good to see you again. Thank you for inviting me again, I loved being here last time and I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do haha.

Yeah... This season has been kinda messy for you right? Definitely, there hasn’t been one woman besides Heather I haven’t had an issue with. I think that tells you more then enough haha.

Why do you have so many issues you think? Because I can’t ever keep quiet... Look, I had a lot going on in my head this season and it’s no excuse. But it didn’t help the situation. I see a lot of people online calling me out and I agree. I have been out of line a few times.

Do you owe some of the ladies an apology? Most definitely, the reunion is gonna be a hard day for me... But I am gonna be there and own my part in the drama and apologize where it’s due.

So not everyone is getting an apology? No, because as much as I wanna own my part. Some ladies came into the season coming for me and I am not gonna apologize for reacting.

Let’s get into the episode. You have breakfast with Heather and you have switched houses. Were you that uncomfortable? Honestly, I had a horrible first day on the trip. A lot had happened and when I heard Judith’s room in the rental was free, I didn’t even think about it twice. I slept awesome the other night haha.

Next we see Octavia and Mila discussing what happened the other night and Octavia says she kinda believes the rumors. How do you feel? Well, I don’t believe the rumors. Because all I have heard is stuff coming out of Judith’s mouth, I have seen no receipts. If they’re there and so real... Why not show them? I think they’re just pushing a storyline honestly.

If you would have gotten the messages like Mila got, would you have looked? Uhm... Honestly... If I was in Mila’s shoes, I probably would have taken a look. Knowing how bad her relationship with Heather was, I would look.

Then we see Heather & her husband talk... It’s rough right? I had trouble watching that. Because I hangout with them a lot in the past two years and they’re so good together. I wish my marriage was like theirs, so seeing them hurt was painful.

How do you feel about Stuart’s reaction? I completely understand his reaction, I wouldn’t wanna have these cameras around if I was him either. He isn’t getting paid to be on the show, so why deal with all of these rumors on the show?

We see Saffron having diner with her ex husband. About the social media behavior he has on her wedding day. How do you feel? I think it’s great they had a conversation. Because a lot happened that day and as Saffron’s former friend. I know they have been in a rough place, but they we’re just getting better before the wedding. So seeing him rage post like that was very hard for me.

Saffron & you aren’t in a good place, do you feel like it could be fixed? Coming into the season, I thought we could fix it for sure. But seeing what has happened in the season and what has been said. I am not sure, we’ll have to wait and see what happens honestly.

Do you think it’s fair from Saffron to set an ultimatum for her kids? No and she will hate me for saying this, but I am gonna be honest. She chose the show over her family, if she would have quit the show they would still be a family. So the least she can do is show some compassion to her kids. They have been through a lot the past few years.

Mila’s diner party... You enjoyed yourself? Haha, I did maybe a bit too much. But whatever, I had a great night.

Why were you drinking so much? I think I had a bit of anxiety, last time Heather wasn’t present at an event I got almost killed. So I was probably nervous haha.

We see some tension between Mila & her husband... How do you feel? No, that isn’t true. We saw her husband behave very poorly and I told right that night how I felt about that. And I am not gonna say anymore, because you will see what happens when I speak my mind next episode or so...

But would you accept someone talking to you like that? Let me say this... If he was my husband, we would be divorced by now. Nobody is gonna talk to me like that, I have too much self respect.

Mila calls out Octavia for stirring things up and then backing away. How do  you feel about that? Good for her, she would stand up against her husband like that! Haha, no honestly. I think Mila read Octavia for exactly what she is. She has been doing it all season and it’s time for her to own it.

Do you think she get’s a pass because she is an OG? I do think some ladies don’t wanna go against her because they feel like she has much more influence then the rest of us. But I don’t think that is true. Octavia just has a very big mouth when you call her out. Telling Mila to be quiet in her own home, very snobby.

Will she be hold accountable? I think she will be, on the season and also at the reunion. We’re filming the reunion soon-ish. So we’ll have to wait and see. But I am ready to talk about it.

Who do you think will be in the hot seat the most at the reunion? I think I will get to explain myself a lot haha. But I also think Judith & Octavia have a lot of explaining to do. Heather will have to be honest about everything... I think everyone will be in the hot seat honestly haha. Some more then others though.

Looking at next season, what needs to be done with the cast? Uhm... I feel like we all delivered very good on this season. But I do think we might need some change. I have seen a lot of fans asking for me to be fired, I don’t wanna go. I would say Courtney needs to leave, because I think she is honestly fake. There is nothing likable about her.

The fans seem to really like her though... But is that what makes a good simwife? If everyone just likes you... I don’t think so, but that’s me.

I have heard enough... Thank you for joining us and good luck at the reunion! Hopefully I’ll see you again next year! Thank you, I will need some luck haha. And I hope to be back next year too!

[manonamora-if]

Confession. As an IF author, I obviously enjoy feedback, especially if someone took the time to read and think and even analyse my work. But sometimes I am seriously annoyed at some comments, and wish readers would leave some things alone.

The story has barely started and some readers already demand things explained. They want that I make changes to the scenes because "my MC wouldn't have reacted that way". The nitpicks about the ROs get to me in a way I can't explain, especially if it's about core aspects of their personality that just can't be changed.

I honestly, genuinely love the IF community. But sometimes some very few readers can be so discouraging or so entitled they make your skin crawl with anxiety and you just want to quit. Like, we do this for free. Maybe we just want to see people enjoy our stories and if you don't and have nothing constructive to say, please don't take the effort to vent in an ask about all the things you didn't like. Read something else.

Hi Anon,

Some hugs, because I've had some anons like that too. That suuucks.

Unfortunately for you, anon, there is not much you could do. I'm assuming turning off your inbox is not something you want. Having clear boundaries with your audience about what is appropriate to send you might be what you'd want to do (if you haven't yet). And then delete any asks that do not follow that.

It's also ok to just not respond to asks. I don't want to reveal the twists in my projects either (even if they are completed lol). Or to turn off the inbox for a few days. Or to take a break from being online :) Or putting your project on hiatus until you feel better about your project.

Creating stuff should be fun, not fill you with anxiety.

Genuine question: do people do the same to actual non-IF/more-than-one-dev games? Like send that kind of messages to creators/coders/companies?

~~~~~~~~ CONFESSIONS ARE CLOSED FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK, I NEED TO CODE YOU GUYS. IF you send some, I won't post it. Ask again on Saturday.

I get wanting to know the whole story when a WIP starts, but that's the thing with WIPs, they're a work in progress. You'll get the information eventually, just be patient. Pressuring authors for information won't make it come faster. If you feel the need to know everything right away, maybe reading WIPs might not be the best idea...

Same with playing a game and thinking uh but in my cannon MC wouldn't do that... Like come on... Do I need to spell it out why it's not cool? (also damn I talked about those readers in an earlier post just today...) and the author of A Tale of Crowns had those anons too like last week...

Not every story will fit what you are looking for in a game. Not every story is meant for you. If you don't like it, that is fine. There are plenty of them out there. You can choose not to be a dick and move to a different story. Because it is never ok to ask an author to change their story to fit your personal cannon.

[llondonfog]

fic writer asks!!! 🌈 🎀 💝 🍭 💎 ☯️ (i got. a bit excited ahfbsjfn)

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

the upcoming zine fic my god i just wanted it to be so perfect because this was my first time committing to a word limit way above what i normally write, and it would be illustrated by someone i really admire— i really agonized over every word of that fic and kept deleting pages of it because i doubted it so much lol overall though, if i'm struggling with a prompt, i'll just delete large portions of it and rewrite entirely, if not from scratch until the flow finally kicks in and the words start to piece back together

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

there are quite a few that i wrote as throwaways that spiked in notes which left me thoroughly bemused, but i have to say it's the potion!au one!!! that was a completely isolated prompt that i didn't expect to touch again after the twstober writing event, and i STILL get asks on it today!! it blows my mind how that resonated with so many of you- it wasn't one i was intending to world-build or even write more about, so i'm really happy that i've had the chance to explore it with everyone<3

🍭why did you start writing?

this is so lame, but i honestly can't recall. i've just always loved stories and i've always enjoyed writing/essay prompts for school when i was younger- pretty much all of my english classes would have us free-write for about 10 min of the period starting from when i was in 3rd grade, and that definitely fostered my joy for exploring new prompts and ideas. i think i was around 13 yro when i discovered fanfics, and that opened an entire new world where i learned that if i didn't like a scene in a book or how characters interacted.....i could just rewrite it and that completely blew my mind lol

💎why is writing important to you?

funnily enough, most of my writing could be considered vent pieces. i write to purge my emotions (positive and negative), and to validate for myself that i can still weave a story after abandoning the practice for a few years. it's a way of expression, and i enjoy having a partner along for the ride to grow with and from as we explore ideas together

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i personally think the positive engagement outweighs the negative- i love being able share work from the community and go wild with praise in the tags, i think that everyone deserves to hear how their artwork/story/post touched their audience. in that same way, it's how we all get to trade ideas and build off each other's premises that gets fed back into the community until they take on lives of their own. it's amazing to see what a thriving fandom can create when there's so much affection for the content and those creating, it's something i've not been a part of before when most of the fandoms i've joined have been dead ones lol

i can't say that i have social anxiety, but i am a highly forgetful person when it comes to engagement ; A ; i'll see that someone reblogged my stuff or left a message with a highly insightful and sweet comment, and i'll get all excited to respond to them later.......and then later turns into several days because it completely slipped my mind and it's too late to acknowledge it now ; A ; im really bad at that, i can only keep a conversation up with like two people online before i get completely overwhelmed and neglect everything else ailfjiafd

[namboobieslover]

Kintsugi: the beauty of broken things || MYG

Chapter 3

Summary: Yoongi and Minnie have been friends for quite some time now, almost... 15 years? 15 years since they ran into each other in that music classroom by an unlucky (or not) mistake. They've grown close, but both of them have strong characters and insecurities that will have to be put aside when Minnie falls into her own lie, risking her job in the process. They have 3 days to feel comfortable and make everyone believe their role as the young engaged couple or she is fucked :[

Pairing: musical producer! Yoongi x lab tech/science nerdy! f reader au; non-idol! BTS members make a brief appearance

Genre: fluff, angst, kinda slow burn (?), best friends to fake couple au, constant unresolved sexual tension, two idiots too proud to openly speak but pinning each other

Warnings: use of bad language, mentions of insecurities/low self-esteem, anxiety, trauma; light use of weed, little smut if you scrutinize, SFW

Masterlist: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 3: We on, baby.

Word count: 2816

I wake up with a pounding headache as soon as I open my eyes in the morning.

-When will I learn to stop drinking? - I fumble to myself while holding my head between my hands.

Takes me more than it should but I finally get up, my reflection in the bathroom mirror remembering the bad choices of last night.

After a long shower, I feel again like a human being. After brushing my teeth the unsettling feeling in my stomach is gone.

I don't have much time to get ready, so I pick whatever clothing looks comfier and I start my way to the bus stop.

The trip gives me a few minutes to check my smartphone, answering some unread messages from family and friends but especially Yoongi.

The day goes slow, really slow. My eyes hurt when looking at the little samples through the microscope but the silence in the lab is exquisite. 1-1 in cons vs pros.

Even though my mind is a little foggy, it's a good evening. I'm able to keep a stable medium for the cells to grow and it seems like the replication of the environment is going as it should. Also, the culture I did to explore the possibilities of a virus as a treatment is growing nicely. My research is on the right path.

I finish around 9:30 pm thanks to all my good achievements and I'm really hungry.

The place I’ve chosen to order tonight's dinner it's the one with vegetarian burgers near my job; a lot of time has passed since the last time I ate here. I pick my favourite (the delicious plant-based), for Yoongi the one with veal and lastly, a portion of potatoes to share.

-Hi Minnie, how are you today? -the grandma who owns this place asks me- I haven't seen you for a long time; where have you been?

-I've been busy with work lately; my routine has been hectic.

-It's noticeable; you have lost weight and it is unusual to see you with eye bags. Aren’t you resting enough?

-More or less; it's a temporary situation. Hopefully next week things will come to their normal rhythm. But I really missed your food Mrs Lee -I speak honestly while pouting- You are the closest thing to my mother's food in this city.

-And you are my favourite client so please, come visit more even if it's just to have a coffee. I find all your science things interesting, as does my Sandra.

-How is she?

-She is studying every chance she has; your notes have helped her greatly. She also told me that you are available to answer her doubts.

-Yeah of course. It's an honour to be able to help another woman to infiltrate this amazing world that science is. Sadly there are fewer of us than it should be.

-I appreciate that so much… -she gets a little emotional at my words.

-What about you? How is it going with the knee replacement?

-Rest of my body it's still old but that knee seems like it has its own life. My younger grandson, Taeyang, says that I have become a transformer.

After a little more catch-up talk while food is in the making, I start my way to Yoongi’s apartment; 10 minutes away from here.

The walk is nice and feels super fast while listening to my favourite songs. Lately, that has been Namjoon 's latest álbum, Indigo. I swear, that man is a poet hiding behind his hip-hop style and a smoking hot body that seems little when he has a clumsy day. The lyricism of his songs makes my heart flutter and I'll never get tired of telling him.

One good thing about Yoongi's work is the fact that I'm able to meet new artists he is friends with, and learn about other cultures, influences and styles. He always introduces me to them and usually, it is really easy to be part of their little musician group even if I'm not that well instructed in that area. The group we all have is "pussycians" since half of those boys are afraid to let people get to know them (strangely that doesn't apply to one-night stands and I lectured them about it) and I'm a girl + a bunch of musicians boys. As you can tell, the last idea wasn’t mine but from Kim Seokjin, the older of us.

With "Still life" at its maximum level, I finally reach my best friend's door. I struggle a little but when I'm about to open it, it does by itself showing a dishevelled Yoongi. He scares me and I can't hear a word of what he is saying with the earphones on.

-Holy crap Yoongi, you scared me to death -I struggle to say still agitated while taking them off - one day you'll be the reason I end up with a heart attack.

-You were noisy; it's not my fault. You didn't listen because of the music. You'll be deaf before turning thirty if you don't stop using the highest level.

-Don’t you feel like, sometimes, with some songs, listening to them doesn't feel enough to you? Like… I wish every single note were able to enter my brain and scratch it internally till I can't think any more.

-Umm… I guess -he agrees with me a little confused, but entertained.

I enter his house with him closing the front door after me. I go directly to the small table that sits near the sofa; the usual place we eat instead of the main table.

-Which song was that good? -my friend asks while tearing the sleep away from his eyes.

-Namjoon's "Still Life". His latest álbum is incredible; you have hard competition, boy.

-Indigo is cool, but maybe I'm a little more into J-hope's "Jack in the Box". Kinda old school hip-hop, dark, rock vibes… but that's on my taste.

-Same but reverse for me, so I get you. I really like Hobi's main songs and even the intro with all the Pandora thingy or Equal Sign, but it doesn't exactly match my taste as a general artwork.

I unpack the food while talking about it and its smell makes my stomach roar.

-Is this from Mrs Lee's place? -Yoongi asks, finally awakened.

-Yeah. Told me to send you greetings in her name.

-Oh, she is so nice… Is her knee okay?

-Perfect. Little Tae told her that she is now half transformer.

-That kid is my favourite Mrs Lee grandchildren.

-Mine has to be Sandra.

-Of course you love her; she is a little you. Maybe not like you exactly; Sandra is less annoying.

He says that with a serious face, but after feeling my death glare, he can't help but smile arrogantly looking at his burger.

-I'm so glad I spilt on your food; I knew that sooner or later it would be handy and deserved.

-Don't worry honey boo-boo, nothing you do can disgust me -he answers mockingly knowing that I didn't commit such an act.

The rest of the dinner is chill. Some dating show on the TV and a light conversation about our jobs.

Once we finish the delicious food he offers me some dessert but I refuse. A little liquor some friend gifted him? Not that much. But it's understandable; it is a sweet creamy one that tastes heavenly.

-So…going straight to the point: let's talk about the plan.

-Well damn -I say almost choking on the drink- what do you wanna start with?

-Maybe…nicknames? That seems to be easiest between today's tasks -he says looking in a notepad.

-Is that a list?

-Of course. When we talked about it I took notes before forgetting due to alcohol.

-Let me see it.

"Free Minnie"

-I will ignore that name but you are an idiot Yoongles.

-○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○

"Free Minnie"

☆ 2-part plan

Day 1:

✅️ Partying together and pretending to be a couple.

✅️ Wearing clothes the other likes.

✅️ Getting used to holding hands and side hugging.

✅️ Getting comfortable being close to each other.

Day 2:

☑️  Accord lovey-dovey nicknames

☑️  Comfortably hug each other/being near/share the same vital space.

☑️  Practice:

Introducing each other

"Love story"

Pecks (????)  🤮🤮

-^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^

-Yeah, the nickname issue seems like the best fit for an appetiser. Do you have something in mind? -I answer kinda surpassed by all the tasks for today.

-For me or you?

-Whatever.

-What about calling you “my little pumpkin”?

-Are you kidding?

-No… Isn’t that what partners call each other? Some girls I dated read romance books where they talk like that.

-Well, I don't know. I never had that kind of relationship.

-Me neither.

We erupt in laughter. None of us has ever had a relationship that serious, meaning this stuff is new to us.

-Let’s start with me -I offer as an ice-breaker- I don’t know about what other people like, or you, but I’m not into clinging words. Pumpkin… is too much. I guess the better option is something on the classical side: honey, sweetheart or even Minnie since nobody calls me like that in my working environment. ‘’Babe’’ is acceptable if we feel comfortable enough with it.

-I’m not an affectionate person in speaking terms so…that’s perfect for me, honey.

I feel a slight shiver running down my body.

-Ugh, that felt weird without the sarcastic tone.

-To me too -he laughs- but we have to get used to it in less than 24 hours. Do you want another glass?

Then I realise that my drink is long finished. This liquor is truly dangerous.

-Yeah, this is delicious.

-It was a gift from one of Jimin’s travels. From the northwestern part of Spain if I’m not wrong.

-I envy him so much… he is always travelling.

-That day will come for us too, I’m sure -he declares while handing me the now filled (to the top) vase. He served himself some whiskey.

-You better be right Min Yoongi -I menace while gulping some of the hot liquid- Now… What about you? What are your chosen nicknames?

-It would be incredible if you called me “sexy monster” or something similar. That has one hundred per cent of probabilities to erase any type of doubt.

-If I ever get so drunk that the only option to get me sober is making me puke, repeat that phrase word by word, it will work.

He smacks my arm jokingly.

-Now, on a serious note… I like when you call me Yoongs, Yoongles or Yoon. And that also feels personal, don’t you think?

-Can do the work.

-I feel comfortable with babe or honey/handsome. But not baby; that’s a little cringe.

-I agree. I hate that.

-What’s the worst nickname someone has called you?

-Like… ever?

-Yeah.

-You are not ready for that, and I’m not drunk enough to say it out loud. Ask me later -I answer flustered with a playful wink.

-Don’t worry I won’t forget. Also… you tend to match inversely your lack of shyness with the alcohol level in your blood. This is going to be a fun night.

-Bla, bla, bla. Let’s keep going.

I take a bathroom rest that also allows me to change my contact lenses to the glasses. I don’t feel comfortable wearing them in public, so every day I deal with changing between both at my desk at the office of the lab, all to fulfil my work protocols and also my social anxiety. A routine I got during the pandemic time with the struggle of getting fog in the glasses due to the mask when sudden changes of temperature happen (such as entering a place, the bus…).

-I’m back, babe -I announce funnily stumbling a little with the rug’s verge. Seems like alcohol is silently doing its work- Let’s talk about how you fell in love with me.

He chokes on his drink.

-Yoongles, I was talking about the false love story.

-I know, I know. My brain is working a little slower than usual and it has a lot of things to process.

-I was thinking that keeping it real is the best. The easier, the better. You know how they say that the best lies contain some truth behind them. We can just keep the original first meeting and the school years like they were, but makeup something about college years.

-Like what?

-Aren’t you going to add something?

-Liberal arts -he excuses himself and shrugs- You are the brains, I’m the unpolluted taste. That’s how we always work, sweetheart.

I roll my eyes.

-We can explain that in the urge to reduce expenses, we decided to become flatmates. Living 24/7 made us realise that we are perfect for each other and it was difficult, but we took the step a year after. How many years are socially accepted to date before getting engaged?

-Two? -he answers, as lost as me.

-Maybe… four?

-Isn’t that a lot if we had met in high school?

-That’s true.

-What about three?

-Three is it. Who decided to take the first step in the process from friends to lovers?

-Maybe you? You have 0 patience and probably your colleagues know it… Honey.

-Yeah, sounds like me -I have to admit.

-About establishing a relationship… that fits me better. You are impatient but insecure; you would have a hard time getting the confidence. Same for the engagement?

-First of all: I’m not that insecure -I start getting kind of riled up- Second-

-Before you continue, let me ask you something. For how long have you owned those glasses?

-Mmm… around two years I think.

-Then, how is this one the first time I see you with them?

I don’t have to answer that because he knows.

-If not that, then answer the following: what do you think about yourself? Do you consider yourself pretty?

Is this what a deer caught in the headlights feels like? How can be asking this so suddenly while keeping the calm front that characterizes him? He is so annoying.

-That’s what I thought -it angers me a little to see how sure he is about that premise- Do you want a refill?

I was so nervous that once again I had finished my drink.

-I think I’m ready to try something stronger -I challenge him.

-We on, baby.

A/N: Sorry I've been missing but uni has me on constant house arrest omg. These ones are shorter but we are getting there. Hope you like it and hope you have a good night/evening... Feel free to give some feedback :)

[cmlbcommish]

CMLB: Haruta Telephone, Saskatchewan Skates, 2

Haruta Telephone is a fairly anxious person.

Sure, joining the CMLB seems like something that would cause her more anxiety, but just as her older twin siblings loved Blaseball, that same adoration for the core values of the game also stuck to Haruta and her twin Fuyuto.

Despite everything.

She wakes up at 6:00 am to the sound of her phone alarm blaring. Today's ringtone is a guitar wailing out a complicated riff, almost startling her awake.

She gets up, does a few stretches, and starts getting dressed. She pulls on her uniform for the first time, despite knowing it's only a practice today.

Okay, maybe she can't help being a little bit excited despite the nervous fluttering in her stomach. 

She has a new teammate. Finally, the team has rounded out the last of the pitching roster, meaning they finally have enough players to start practicing and playing real games.

Nagomi didn't mention her new teammate's name, but the look she gave Haruta was mischievous and just a tad menacing, which is a little nerve wracking. 

(She ended up calling Eli later in a panic, wanting reassurance that Nagomi hadn't put a serial killer or a person who hates phones to be their last teammate. Eli had to stop himself from laughing throughout the whole call)

Meeting new people is hard, she never quite got the grasp of in person charisma like her siblings. She hopes that everything will go well and she wont stutter over her words in her introduction.

Once Haruta is ready to leave, she waits for over an hour for her ride to come get her, during which time she checks all her messages and social media. When the driver finally arrives, she's in a great mental state.

Of course, by the time she gets to the stadium she's nervous again. 

When she walks in the front door, she looks off to the side to see a tall figure standing there, staring down at their phone. He is holding a cane in his other hand from the phone, his brown hair looking tousled to its normal messy degree and the blaseball style stitches on his face denoting to any who are in the know who he is. 

It's Parker, known formally as Parker MacMillan.1, the other commissioner for the league.

Parker looks up to the sound of the door opening and gives Haruta a wave, she squeaks out a small "H-hello, Parker!"

"Hello, Haruta. How are you today?" He responds, 

"I'm alright!" She says perhaps a little too eagerly, or well, nervously, but Parker just smiles kindly at her. He tilts his head in the direction of the locker rooms “Walk with me?” and Haruta nods.

"You weren't… waiting for someone, were you?" Haruta asks timidly, avoiding Parker's gaze. He gives a little chuckle.

"Not anyone in particular, you just happened to be today's lucky winner." 

They keep walking in silence, Haruta is still quite terrified of Parker due to his role as co-commissioner, even though he has been nothing but kind to anyone she's ever heard mention him. Old habits die hard, as they say.

"Are you okay?" She blurts out eventually. "Y-you're uh, favouring your left leg?" 

"Ah." He scoffs, "Twinged my ankle the other day. These bones of mine really like to cause a fit, and Nagomi always pesters me until I get proper aid." He rolls his eyes. 

Finally, they make it to the locker room, Haruta jogging lightly ahead to hold the door open for Parker, who rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and thanks her. 

Now, Haruta has met her teammates before, so she greets them almost as an automatic response. She steels her courage to greet the new player, but Parker calls for attention before she can.

"Morning everyone." He starts. "As most of you know, I am Parker and I'm the co-commissioner for the league. I'm here today because Nagomi's over in Zeromere, though I honestly don't know why she wanted me to watch everyone practice anyway." He shrugs.

"So, basically you're all free to do your practicing, your captain is Eli Quitter, over there by the cooler, and your co-captain is King Dracaena, to my left here, and the both of them are going to be directing the practice. Sounds good?" There's a murmur from the room and a lot of nodding heads.

"Fantastic. I'll be in the office if you need me." He says, and he exits the room.

"Uh." Says Eli, scratching his head "Alright, I guess we'll start? Pitchers, you're with me, batters, you're with King."

Haruta has been practicing her pitches at home in her backyard since she first got accepted to be on the team. She knew despite making the team, she wasn't the strongest pitcher and she knows that her skill lies in batting, just like her siblings, but she can't bring herself to bat.

She is very nervous when Eli asks her to demonstrate some pitches, in front of all the other pitchers.

Her first three go wide, and her hands end up shaking so bad that Eli places a hand on her shoulder and reminds her to breathe. She takes a minute, and winds up again.

BAM! Right in the dead middle of the strike zone.

Eli whistles, while the rest of the pitchers give a polite clap. 

Haruta gets a few more throws before Eli rotates off to the next person.

"Haruta Telephone." A voice comes. She whips around to see who spoke. It's the new player, looking super serious with his blue flame tattoo and crossed arms

"Oh! Uh, that's me?" Haruta says, in the most unconvincing manner ever. The new player just nods, and sticks out his hand.

"Riley Hotdogfingers." 

Haruta shakes his hand. She can't stop herself from being curious about Riley, especially with his last name being Hotdogfingers. But she doesn't ask. 

"Jaylen is my older sister." Riley offers, immediately.

"... I wasn't going to ask." Haruta says  sheepishly.

"I know you weren't. But I wanted you to know." He looks at her intently. "You look far to similar to the Telephone twins to not be related to them, I wanted to offer common ground."

He's got her there. "Well um. Yeah? Yeah they're my older siblings." The way he talks throws her a little, so factual, so bold.

"Hotdogfingers! You're up!" Calls Eli. Riley inclines his head to Haruta politely before going to take his place on the mound.

He is a decent bit more accurate than Haruta, and he pitches so fast. He throws that blaseball for all that he's worth.

Riley was the last pitcher in the rotation, after they finish those warmups, they practice playing on the field as a full team, then they go back to the locker room.

Everyone is buzzing with energy as they get ready to leave. 

Haruta's driver takes her home, and she spends the rest of the evening knitting.

Just before bed, she picks up her phone and dials two familiar numbers.

Both of them ring. And ring. 

Her older siblings do not pick up.