#but i hope it makes somebody feel a lil valid

[joocomics]

What do you think about the Heroes wanting to try exhibitionism? Be it in the dorms while the other members are around or if they're feeling really daring, letting another member watch. Or somewhere in public, like for Gunil I can see him wanting to do it in his car since he can drive - 🍑

xdinary heroes - #exhibitionism

smut | xdh x fem!reader | mdni

cw: public sex, exhibitionism, mentions of sexting, oral, masturbation

a/n: sorry it took me longer to get to this one! but i had so much fun with it you have no idea… hope you enjoy it and definitely let me know if you have something to add <3

♡ gunil

in the car

absolutely agree! gunil is so car sex coded it’s a lil insane… he’s so into pulling over to a random deserted place, reclining in his seat and have you ride him while his mouth is glued to your cleavage. he’s obsessed with the fact that he’s the only one that can tempt you to become reckless enough to blow him in public where anyone can pass by and look at you through the window

you start doing it so often that you inevitably end up having your spot. gunil appreciates sex with a nice view so most likely it’s a pretty one

he’s a sucker for little playful touches over his crotch area and thighs while he’s driving! he constantly has his hand on your thigh too, but the energy is totally different if you put a hand over his

at your work place

bf gunil loves visiting you at work! especially if your schedules differ from each others he makes sure to stop by whenever he can even if it’s just for a few minutes during your break. he also secretly wants to get to know the place and the people you’re around every day ngl

he cannot help, but get a little more touchy than necessary cause he misses you; finally having you in his embrace makes him so excited he’s finding it difficult to let go. before you know it he lifts you up against the wall, kissing everywhere his lips can touch

the fact someone from your coworkers can walk pass the room anytime and hear how good your boyfriend is fucking you arouses him even more, so he doesn’t last long (which is a good thing, right?)

♡ jungsu

in the dorm while the other members are around

i’ve said this before in my spanking post, but it’s totally valid for sex too - jungsu loves giving it to you behind thin walls. he fucks you in all of his favorite positions, and scolds you for being so loud. he makes you cum over and over again, shushing you while his fingers work in sync with his cock. but it’s impossible to be quiet and he knows that very well

when you ask why does he suddenly decide he’s horny every time the members are around if you’re not allowed to make any noise he shrugs with a cheeky smile, “cause it’s more fun”

in the recording booth

he will use the opportunity to get his dick sucked before other people arrive or if it’s just him in the recording room and needs a distraction

work is stressing him out, so when you come to watch the band recording a song, he makes you sit on his lap and calm his nerves with kisses while the others haven’t arrived yet. he knows how much time you got before they start coming, but having to glance at the door every two minutes while your mouth is wrapped around him definitely keeps him on his toes in the best way possible

what better way to warm up his voice than by making him cum, right?

♡ jiseok/gaon

public restrooms

it’s kind of cliche, it’s kind of nasty, but he loves it

something about pulling you in the bathroom of a restaurant or a coffee shop especially if you’re out with friends, and you have to return to the table with a straight face, does it for him. it’s a fun way to keep your sex life spicy

his favorite moment is when somebody walks in and he has to keep his hand over your mouth until they leave. he’s definitely trying hard not to burst out laughing, but damn it’s hot

letting others watch

jiseok sometimes forgets when there are people around you. when he falls in love he falls head over heels in love; he gets addicted to your taste and he constantly has his hands on you without even realising it

it begins with playful pecks; discrete pinches on your thighs and stuff like that until it evolves into a minute long make out that just keeps going, cause how are you supposed to resist those lips? there’s no way. you can be watching a movie with the members, or attending a birthday party - the surroundings don’t matter cause they disappear the second your lips connect, and you’re the only thing his eyes can see

when somebody finally says something, or you tell him to calm down he realises that he doesn’t mind having an audience. he gets to show off you after all. he doesn’t mind kissing you a little more, and helping out your hips to rock back and forth while his erection grows from all the attention that’s on both of you

♡ seungmin/o.de

in the dressing room

is it just me or seungmin being horny during work hours is hot on a totally different level?

he easily gets turned on while he’s getting his hair or makeup done, because of something you texted him, and that quickly turns it into a classic sexting. he knows it’s risky to continue with such conversation while there are so many people around him, literally anyone can take a peek at his screen and read the provocative things you describe to each other, but that makes it only more addicting, and he cannot put his phone away. the members & staff literally have to repeat themselves, because his mind keeps drifting to other places - wherever you are most likely with a hand between your legs

he really thought he can go through this without having to risk to go to the bathroom, especially when he has to be on the stage so soon, but his willpower is too fragile when it comes to you, so he politely excuses himself out of the room

at the cinema

the idea comes to him spontaneously. it’s dark, during the week days it’s not that crowded and your seats are far in the back. the thought slips in his mind out of nowhere, distracting him from the plot of the movie, and he decides to act on his impulses - he invites his hand between your thighs and keeps it there until you start to wince in your seat

it’s entertaining… having to be so discreet about it; watching you struggle to contain your emotions. he controls his hand movements by caressing you slow and gentle, careful not to move too much or too obviously

i think this place fits seungmin perfectly - it has the balance of being both intimate and risky. the sex after you arrive home is even better when he can now freely confront you about getting so wet around strangers

♡ hyeongjun/junhan

at your place while there are people around (family; friends; roommate)

hear me out… junhan can be really cheeky especially if he’s horny, and when he’s horny and something is restricting him from getting what he wants? he can still make it work

he leans back on the door of your room making you kneel in front of him. the voices coming from the other side of the door of the people who have no idea what you’re doing to him right now thrills him. it causes him to tug on your hair so hard your scalp burns and to also speak the dirtiest words he’s ever told you. the risky situation makes him bold

i specifically mention your place, cause i can see him getting more excited from the fact you’re ditching your people because of him. are you really so weak when it comes to pleasing him? you can’t even wait to be left alone first. what would they think about you if they find out how perverted you are when you’re with him?

backstage

again, needy junhan. he just cannot help it.

his mind clouds up if you go backstage to kiss him for good luck before a concert. his cock twitches at the sight of how gorgeous you look, and how your eyes skim his body up and down, you’re so obviously turned on by his outfit and makeup. if you compliment him it’s over. he pulls you by the hand right away with the words “come with me”

he promises himself that it’s just a one time thing; it’s risky and irresponsible, and he won’t do it again. but is he really going to be able to resist it? after it felt so good and you both came at the exact same time?

♡ jooyeon

in the practice room

jooyeon might as well add the practice room to his kink list. yes, it’s where he spends most of his time so it’s very convenient, but also… the thought of being caught or heard turns him on.. a lot!! doesn’t matter if it’s a quickie on the floor, a blowjob or just you showing him your pussy cause he misses you, most of the time you go to see him he ends up touching you in some ways that always lead to something like that

loves distracting himself by looking around and remembering all the dirty things you did together

while he’s on a call

while he’s on a call while gaming, but especially during regular calls on the phone!

as we mentioned earlier he has a thing for sneaky things like that, so imagine his excitement when he receives a call he has to answer cause it’s important while you’re in the middle of giving him head, and… you don’t stop. you bob your head up and down his shaft, you suck his tip just the way he likes, you do it all while he does everything to keep his composure and not let his voice betray him. he speaks low through drawed out words that together sound a little incoherent in a sentence, but the important thing is that the call is over just when he’s about to cum

if he’s really in the mood he’s willing to go far by even turning his camera on to keep you on your toes. it’s not fair if he’s the only one threatened to be caught

[outofcontexturi]

25th sept sun 2022 journal

i feel nerves. im thinking about my future right now. i dont think it’s doubt cause everything i want i already have. im positive. just finished writing my letter to the woman who offered me some financial scholarship thingy. basically just thanking her for picking me and just what i’ve been up since returning for my final year. i really do hope that im not kidding myself and i actually do become everything i set out to do. thats the journey Uriel. you’re doing fine brother. im proud of how far you’ve come in your journey. im glad you’re on this track. it’s meant for you man. we got rid of the jonah complex for you brother. its time to step into your greatness. be great bro. BE THE LIGHT. remember? BE. THE. LIGHT. and dont stop being THE LIGHT. you are the chosen one. i’m meant to be here. im here for a reason. to experience the human condition and to get what i want out of life before im on to the next. and i will see out everything. I promise you i will. I promise. I’m committed to being somebody in this life. I am somebody cause i said i am. the world knows i am cause i said i am before anyone else validated me. i told myself i was someone before the world told me i was someone. im so fucking glad im documenting this shit man. i need the world to see this. I need the world to know who i am. i have a part to play in this big game we call life. i know it. am i delusional? no. i just have faith in myself. something that i didnt have of myself before and i guess its taking time to adjust to the shifts that are happening in my life. people are interacting with me more. strangers even. people like the way i dress. im being complimented more. more people are staring at me these days cause they like how i dress. im talking and being myself unapologetically. im present for most of my days. i have faith in things. i have faith in my financial situation right now. im going to find a way to make it happen. im doing this. i’m doing it for me. i being my wildest dreams. that person. the he that i’ve wanted to be all my life. that is who i am now. there’s no going back. there’s always love here for me. i love me. the possibilities in my life are endless. thank you God. thank you for mum and dad and brother and sister. thank you for friends. thank you for Honey. amen. 20:20pm. i would just have to wouldn’t i just? ofcourse synchronising numbers. again. i see alot of these. thankful each time. im going to do some more line learning and stay fucking positive cause im building my mental stamina for the tough times when a part of me will try to convince me otherwise and try and deter me from my goal and dreams and i cant afford that one there. cant afford failure im just browsing. listening to fuckin problems by lil wayne. im good. self belief will set me free. finish time: 20:24pm 

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

[mediocreauthor]

To Be Loved and I Drink Wine feels like it was written by nana k. lol i'm crying

hello anon, i am sorry i didn't answer this for months but life has been so fucking crazy. lemme kiss your beautiful mind, i wholeheartedly agree. Actually, for this posts sake, let's just completely forget about Adele and pretend Hachi wrote this lol. I interpret To Be Loved as how Hachi looks back on her relationship with Takumi on the brink of divorce (if she decides to go with it). I think that she feels guilty about her kids but in the end, Hachi can say she did everything in her power make their marriage work. she built a beautiful family and home with so many sacrifices.

The second part is dedicated to Blast, Hachi always yearned for 707, Nobu, generally her role within BLAST once she married Takumi. In future, Hachi is still yearning for someone she can't live without but has to.

UGH ADELE THIS DESCRIBES HACHI SO PERFECTLY. Hachi had so many inner turmoils, fears, dilemmas but somehow she always managed to stay sincere. And every time she fell, somebody else helped her back at her feet. After Asano it was Junko/Shoji, after Shoji it was Nana, after Takumi it was Nobu, when she was pregnant it was Takumi. (her journey to independency began later then any other character). But Hachi is an incredibly self reflective person (one of my fave things about her) so when she grew, her character really grew. She will be the one who picks herself up this time.

I don't think Hachi regrets her marriage despite everything and she shouldn't. I am not even a Hachi apologist anymore because she has done nothing to apologize for, thank you very much. In her conversation with Junko, Hachi was still hesitant about divorce, but I want to believe that she is actually waiting for the right time when she and her kids are emotionally prepared enough. Now onto I Drink Wine, it SCREAMS Hachi and Nobu to me (and I think we talked with @strawberrycupsforever about this?) and I have a soft spot for my sweet summer children.

I am not even gonna elaborate on this, if you know my opinions on that cursed night, you know why I put this here.

This is just less a less poetic way to put “The dreams we are chasing and the reality that is chasing us are always parallel; they never meet.”

Just. how hachi said 'if you really saw me for who i am you would hate me' (or something) but then really tried to maintain the image Nobu had in his mind regardless. Nobu's idea of her shattered (rather spectacularly) but he still loved what he saw behind it. the love they shared once upon a time has been cherished so well by this man. It still belongs to them. i am so soft nobody touch me

just the good ole Hachi insecurities we know and relate. i love my validation seeking dog.

AHH indeed. there is also this aspect, let's say Takumi and Hachi got divorced, Hachi and Nobu still won't get back together. For Yazawa, to love is to yearn but Hachi and Nobu isn't just yearning. For them, to love is also to accept. Accept the truth that they cannot fit into each other's life perfectly like how they once did.

Their love was really a 'right person, wrong time' situation and they are both painfully aware of it. Like there were so many variables played role for their demise, if one went differently, whole thing could've gone differently (lil taylor swift cameo ofc). But it didn't and Hachi broke Nobu's heart without wanting to. I am sure she feels guilty about leaving the permanent question of 'what if he is mine and I am watching someone else be the father of my child from afar' in Nobu's mind, even if it wasn't her fault.

so yeah, you are right anon, I am pretty sure Hachi drinks wine.

thanks for the ask, i hope i made up answering months later 💖

[niieve]

MONTERO LYRIC SENTENCE STARTERS

( 64 sentence starters from lil nas x’s album montero. please like or reblog if you found this helpful! ) 

montero (call me by your name)

❝ i caught it bad yesterday. ❞

❝ romantic talkin'? you don't even have to try. ❞

❝ you're cute enough to fuck with me tonight. ❞

❝ baby, you livin' the life, but you ain't livin' right. ❞

❝ i'm not fazed, only here to sin. ❞

❝ i wanna feel on your ass in hawaii. ❞

❝ i wanna fuck the ones i envy. ❞

dead right now 

❝ 911, somebody come get this bitch. ❞

❝ you know i never did you wrong. ❞

❝ you know you never used to call. keep it that way now. ❞

❝ you want to fuck with me so bad right now. ❞

❝ my mama told me that she love me, don't believe her.  ❞

❝ you ain't even all that pretty. ❞

industry baby ( feat. jack harlow )

❝ i ain't lost since i began. ❞

❝ funny how you said it was the end, then i went did it again. ❞

❝ i'm here to stay and these girls know that i'm nasty.  ❞

❝ i sent her back to her boyfriend with my handprint on her ass cheek. ❞

❝ wish he could but he can't get close. ❞

❝ i'm the type that you can't control. ❞

❝ i don't clear up rumors.  ❞

❝ where's y'all sense of humor? ❞

❝ i didn't peak in high school, i'm still out here gettin' cuter. ❞

that’s what i want 

❝ need a boy who can cuddle with me all night. ❞

❝ keep me warm, love me long, be my sunlight. ❞

❝ these days i'm way too lonely. ❞

❝ i got nothin' but love on my mind. ❞

❝ i'm not wanting anything, but your loving, your body, and a little bit of ya brain. ❞

scoop ( feat. doja cat ) 

❝ baby, i ain't tryna be your baby. ❞

❝ don't you hit me with that, "miss you," i ain't with that. ❞

❝ and i'm tryna fuck, fuck the chitchat. ❞

❝ my body look like something you'd eat cake off. ❞

❝ he named my right cheek jennifer and left one, lopez. ❞

❝ can't call me stupid with this big ol' fucking forehead, motherfucka'. ❞

one of me ( feat. elton john )

❝ say you need the validation. ❞

❝ oh, i know it hurt your soul to know it was only luck, huh. ❞

❝ now, can you prove yourself? everybody waitin'. ❞

lost in the citadel 

❝ tell me, are we finished now? ❞

❝ every time you leave, you find a way to come back around. ❞

❝ i need time to realize that i can't be yours. ❞

❝ i love it how you know i'll only come right back for more. ❞

❝ my god, you're an angel. ❞

❝ i remember when i met you, thought the universe sent you.  ❞

dolla sign slime (feat. megan thee stallion )

❝ say I can't do it, bitch, watch me. ❞

❝ damn, watchin' me gotta turn you on. ❞

❝ i should have my own category in porn. ❞

❝ everything about me came from genetics. ❞

tales of dominica 

❝ in this broken home, everyone becomes predictable.  ❞

❝ hope my little bit of hope don't fade away.  ❞

❝ was everybody right about me? ❞

sun goes down

❝ i wanna run away. ❞

❝ since ten, i been feeling lonely. had friends but they was picking on me. ❞

❝ can they sense my fears? ❞

❝ strangers make you feel so loved, you know? ❞

void 

❝ i'd rather die than live with these feelings. ❞

don’t want it 

❝ i smoke myself to sleep. ❞

❝ took one too many shots last night. ❞

life after salem 

❝ all of my feelings are gone, i left 'em all on the floor. ❞

❝ man, who's to blame if you don't love me no more? ❞

❝ throw me up against the wall. ❞

❝ ooh, i love it when you show no love at all. ❞

❝ you know i can be your part-time lover. ❞

❝ our scars, they'll dance with each other. ❞

am i dreaming ( feat. miley cyrus ) 

❝ oh, never forget me, and everything i've done. ❞

❝ shattered inside, but i still gotta smile. ❞

[reverielix]

hellooo, since i am very into astrology as well, i’d love if you could do a lee know as boyfriend based on his chart^^ i know we still don’t know about his venus sign (if libra or scorpio), so just choose which one you think suits him best, thank you in advance!

Ooo this sounds fun👀💕

First of all, I’m pretty convinced he’s a Gemini rising (8pm), which means he has a Scorpio Venus. His voice (2nd house) sounds more like Cancer (calming, rather comforting, not very high) than Sagittarius-like (high-pitched, loud, mood-maker) and he just gives me Gemini vibes haha He gives off a playful appearance more than an intense aura (though his glares send Hyunjin running, I think that’s more his inner Scorpio stellium coming through). If he’s a Gemini rising, his chart ruler would be in Scorpio, which could give him that more round face, and in the 6th house, which could give him a youthful appearance paired with those eyes🥰. Lastly, his rising’s decan would be Libra, which could also contribute to a rather round face than the typical Gemini rising’s rather slim appearance (+ Libra rules the butt lol and we all know Minho‘s shameless liking toward the members’ butts haha) He’s also pretty outgoing and chatty, which his mc in Aquarius and Gemini rising can also point at. I do want to point out that guessing any celebrity’s placements is like trying to guess their mc persona chart’s placements because their image is very controlled and what they do is extremely calculated/regulated.

So now that we’ve settled that, let’s get started!!💫

⇢ confession/beginning stages

I feel like he would be really flirty and straightforward because of his rising and Mercury as well as his Venus. His flirting style is versatile and adaptable to the person (Moon in Sagittarius in the 7th house, Gemini rising), and at first he’d try to keep it less intense, smile/smirk a little (his smile also contributes to my tendency to view him as a Gemini rising rather than a Scorpio rising😌).

When he’s gotten more comfortable around the other person and they seemingly are comfortable around him as well, he’d start letting his intense aura and Scorpio stellium come to shine as he’d enjoy making the other person feel flustered, though his Scorpio Venus suggests that he’d love for somebody to do that with him as well, seeing as his Sun-Venus conjunction doesn’t only indicate confidence, but also that he’s attracted to people who are similar to him.

His confession would be overall heartfelt, genuine, romantic and intense. His way with words (moon in 7th since he’s talking about his emotions here, Gemini rising, well aspected Mercury) would allow him to talk without stuttering too much or at all, though I can see him being nervous (his emotions are strong, and when he loves, he LOVES).

⇢ overall behavior in relationship

Once he finds himself in a relationship with somebody, he’d be pretty dedicated and loyal, which he’d expect from his partner as well. Other than Jeongin for instance, he wouldn’t be really big on personal space, instead he would be keen on skin ship and always want to touch his s/o’s butt 🤭.

His Venus lies in opposition to his Saturn in Taurus (no orb), which suggests feelings of insecurity and unworthiness which stems from criticism by authority figures and lack of affection (especially from a father or father-figure). Here, the planet of relays and restrictions can indicate a late recognition of that he deserves happiness instead of pity and love instead of loneliness (this aspect also indicates a feeling of unworthiness of financial success, so he may feel like he doesn’t deserve his place as an idol). Loving himself can thereby be a challenging road that he for a long time didn’t even know he had to take. This can result in insecurities being projected onto the other person or a detachment from his s/o as he is scared to show them all of him out of fear of rejection or not being accepted. Just like with all Saturn aspects, with hard work and age comes a great deal of contentment and what he’s understood he deserves (money and love in regards to Venus and Saturn).

Meanwhile, Neptune is in a square with Venus, (1° orb) which points out a deception and inability to draw a clear line between judgement and his gut feeling. In this case, he can take things his s/o says very personally, though he might act as if nothing’s wrong (Scorpio stellium,...). People with this aspect typically dream to escape reality as well as are languid and messy (missing/coming late to dates although he’s strongly dedicated to the relationship, he may just forget or feel secretly hurt about something that wasn’t really offensive but he made out to be). This sensitivity toward what others say feeds into the Saturn-Venus aspect and a feeling of inadequacy and dishonorability. Overall, his Venus (love style, behavior in relationships, desires, attraction) is badly aspected in his chart, though his s/o and their personality is a key-point to look at in any relationship.

As a boyfriend in general, Minho may be extremely emotionally invested, possessive, devoted and sharing. Once he’s with someone, he gives himself to that person. Additionally, his Venus in the 5th along with his Sun in the 5th and conjunct his Venus suggest a very present and, again, dedicated lover who loves with his whole heart and all he’s got (meanwhile he makes an effort to look especially detached and funny/playful in public or in front of cameras, which, among other placements, his mc in Aquarius hints at). Lastly he may be excellent at boosting his partner’s confidence, yet may also need validation back. (Can I just say that his Sun and Venus in the 5th make his chart the one of a born performer, which obviously shows + his love for art shows here as well🤓😊.)

⇢ dates

His Scorpio Venus in the 5th makes me think of spontaneous, grand-gesture dates that take place where he’s granted privacy with his s/o and everything’s only about the two. He may wants to move around, like go to an abandoned park where the grass is a little too high and play games/teach them a dance before they watch the stars when the night comes🥺💫. I can see him being very romantic and bold, so he may just sneak kisses here and there (5th house suggests spontaneity and the thrill of surprises). Here are brief moments of how I imagine a date with him:

“I’m bored. Let’s go somewhere.”

he walks toward his room’s red oak panel door

“Where do you want to go?”

your naked feet follow his to the cold stone floor behind the door

“Let’s decide on the way.”

over pine trees and bushes his reflection distracts you

eyes are narrowed when he’s concentrated, wrinkles adorn his cheeks

“5 minutes.”

“Huh?” you turn your head

“I’ve figured out a place, we’re only gonna need another 5 minutes.”

“Want a kiss? Come and get it then!”

he trips over dandelions and grass, smug-smiling, and doesn’t slow down

your feet stomp the grass, your determination takes over

after two breaks of resting your arms on your thighs, he gives in, lets you win

“I did that on purpose.”

“I don’t care.”

right legs cross the lefts and knees buckle while arms swing up, fingers fold out and eyebrows are raised

dancing is way harder than it looks, you’ve just figured

behind gracious twirls hide strength and control, something the slippery lawn hampers

“No, the feet need to be pointed in a different angle.” Minho held his hands out flat.

amidst your ambition to strech your arm “elegantly”, sunset hugs your silhouettes around the shadows

distant stars create a pattern in everless darkness, the waning gibbous moon sheds light

“Do you ever think of death?” your eyes dart the distance

“Like how? Don’t we all?” his trace the sharp shadow of your nose cast on your cheek

“We’re just such a small fragment of the universe. Gone before it even noticed us.”

“No, I believe we’re here for a reason. I think we have a big presence in the universe. Life is so magical, and so is death. It scares most, because it’s unpredictable. But so is tomorrow.”

Existential conversation with Minho™️

⇢ kisses

Ooooooo his s/o is in for something😳 The Scorpio stellium and 5th house Sun conjunct Venus suggests passion and bold, unexpected actions. He doesn’t just kiss for fun. If he kisses, he KISSES. The Virgo Mars also adds a feeling of security. I can see how he likes “crossing lines” and being bold, though it feels comfortable and safe. A lil types of kisses list...

obvi the passing food one lol

a sudden one that takes the other’s breath away

one in which he holds the other’s waist/cups their cheeks and forgets about everything around him

salty ones after a reunion or fight

one in which breaths are shared

a combination of kisses he thought of the night before when he couldn’t sleep (very unusual, but if anyone can pull it off with confidence, it’s Minho)

It was so much fun making this haha💞 hope u like it!🌫

[jingyismom]

Tumblr Get To Know - Tag game

Thanks @rinielle for the tag, what a fun little bio Q&A! More information than anyone needed about me below the cut.

1. Why did you choose your url? Probably self-explanatory but...I love Lan Jingyi with my whole heart, and he is definitely the chaotic good sort of child I would hope to raise, if I wanted to raise a child. My FIRST tumblr was a username I’ve had practically my whole life and it was Elvish I cobbled together myself from Ruth S. Noel’s handbook when I was, like, 9; my second blog was a tattoo I have in Latin.

2. Any side-blogs? I have a personal blog that I RARELY use, and it’s mostly just gothy aesthetic shit and some multifandom yelling.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? Ah...since...2010? 2009? Something like that.

4. Do you have a queue tag? I’m too lazy and I’m actually not sure what the point of it is? So, no.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? Because I desperately needed more people to scream about The Untamed with!!! And it WORKED, I love you all.

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp? It is the closest representation of my actual self that I could find within the theme of the fandom. It’s pretty close, honestly, going by Vibes.

7. Why did you choose you header? IT WAS THE GREATEST GIFT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, FROM THE INCOMPARABLE CLOUD. GO LOOK AT HER ART AND HER FIC AND HER WONDERFUL EVERYTHING @milkcrates!!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!!! *cries about it for the hundredth time*

8. What’s your post with the most notes? I think this fic promo post. But this one is a close second. I don’t get very many notes!! This tumblr is more like a warm lil house full of love than a big noisy stadium, and I do not mind at all.

10. How many followers do you have? Don’t know, don’t care. :)

11. How many people do you follow? No idea! (I am aware all of these numbers are available but like I said...I could not care less.)

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? N...no? I don’t think so? I don’t often even MAKE posts. Maybe that Titanic ficlet I added onto Dani’s genius AU idea almost counts but honestly it is too earnest to be a shitpost.

13. How often do you use tumblr each day? Less than I used to but more than I should? But I don’t feel like I just scroll mindlessly here, I’m really actively enjoying the content I see. I love this fandom.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? Who won? Nope! I’ve never widely engaged with internet people before this fandom, and this blog is very much a drama-free zone. If somebody has a callout or constructive criticism for me, I will accept it wholeheartedly; if someone comes at me with wank, they will be lightly bopped on the head or entirely ignored. But none of this has happened as of yet! Like I said: warm lil house full of love.

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’? Nobody is obligated to reblog anything! Tumblr-as-escapism is valid, and guilt is an ineffective information-spreading technique. Also, Tumblr is not a credible news source. Educate yourself and disseminate information as you personally see fit!

16. Do you like tag games? Yeah! It’s fun to see and be seen, is it not? I did sort of miss a few I think, in the last month, things have been a little crazy. But I like it, it’s fun, and if you’ve tagged me, thank you for making me feel involved!!

17. Do you like ask games? Maybe? I’ve never reblogged one because I don’t feel like I have enough followers for people to see it, and I get so few asks anyway. But they sure look fun! I love talking to the people here, everyone is so great and has such fascinating thoughts, and obviously...I also love to talk. 😅

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? u r all famous 2 me

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? I have a crush on every single one of you, so there.

20. Tagging some newer mutuals: Um okay, no idea who’s been tagged or done this, and I haven’t talked much with some of you yet, so I hope this isn’t weird. Feel free to ignore!! @huigusu @shlebji @susuwatari-kompeito @shenergyx @suibianjie @inessencedevided

[megashadowdragon]

In the upcoming The Winds of Winter many characters we've come to know and love are going to intersect with each other. Their personalities and backstories are going to collide and the result of the concoction is going to vary from character to character.

In this thread, I'm going to touch on the interactions between two individuals that, weirdly enough, don't seem to get a lot of attention from the fandom in regards to how a potential interaction between the two might go down.

These two being Tyrion Lannister and Victarion Greyjoy.

On examination, there couldn't be two characters more different than each other. In a way, they're almost perfect foils to each other. Before I get into any foreshadowing indicated in the text of the books, I think it be best if I laid down some of these differences to give you guys an idea:

Tyrion has a sharp mind and uses this to great effect in understanding people's motivations and the politics surrounding them. Victarion is described as a "dullard" and "dumb as a stump" by GRRM himself, with not much knowledge or interest in the ways of greater politics.

Tyrion uses his wit to make jokes to entertain himself and those around him. Victarion heavily dislikes humor and it's even indicated in the text that he "mistrusts laughter".

Tyrion is a small, stunted dwarf with not much in the way of physical prowess. Victarion is a tall, muscular man who is a renowned warrior with great strength.

Tyrion regularly dismisses and mocks the idea of gods existing, thinking that all the suffering in the world proves that no gods are looking out for anyone.

If there are gods to listen, they are monstrous gods who torment us for their sport. Who else would make a world like this, so full of bondage, blood, and pain? Who else would shape us as they have? - Tyrion ADWD

Victarion is an extremely devout religious man that believes that the suffering in life is the proof of a god existing.

Life is pain, you fool. There is no joy but in the Drowned God’s watery halls. - The Iron Suitor ADWD

Now, I've listed these differences to give an idea on how these two could easily be connected as foils to each other, but surprisingly there's also some similarities between the two that connects them further:

Both Tyrion and Victarion have murdered former lovers of theirs after they betrayed them by sleeping with a family member. Victarion kills his wife after sleeping with his brother Euron and Tyrion murders Shae after she sleeps with his father Tywin. Both using their own hands to do it. (Tyrion strangling Shae and Victarion beating his wife to death with his fists).

Both were betrayed by their brother and have a desire to seek vengeance against them and destroy them.

Both have met Moqorro at sea and Moqorro has stated prophecies to both of them.

Both have fought and commanded in naval warfare. Both utilising fire in a naval battle (Tyrion with wildfire at the Blackwater and Victarion throwing the first torch onto Tywin's ship at the burning of Lannisport).

Both are seeking out Daenerys to use her for vengeance against their family. Tyrion with his siblings and his father's legacy and Victarion against his brother Euron.

So, now that the differences and similarities between the two characters have been established, I'll move onto what an interaction between these two might entail and what purpose it would serve.

The Monkey Demon

“We have become swollen, bloated, foul. Brother couples with sister in the bed of kings, and the fruit of their incest capers in his palace to the piping of a twisted little monkey demon.” A preacher at King's Landing ACOK.

“The dwarf, the evil counselor, the twisted little monkey demon. I’m all that stands between them and chaos.” - Tyrion ACOK

Tyrion Lannister, the monkey demon. Once tried to save a city and gain the people's love, found none and was promptly punted into a cell. Tried to work in his family interests, even if it meant defending the crown of a worm-lipped tyrant born out of incest, was turned on and blamed for the tyrant's downfall. Tried to find love in the arms of a whore and found out whores don't play fair (or where they go). All attempts, all that effort to seek validation had blown up in his face.

So, what's left?

The game of thrones, of course. You know, the very game that produces complete sociopaths like Varys and Petyr Baelish. With every other avenue denied to him, what else would be left for our favourite pampered lil shit Tyrion Lannister?

A man who's been denied everything and who has now found a re-newed purpose in life through a game of manipulation and deception. An individual with obligations no longer holding him down. No family to support, no love from the masses to be gained, nothing. All that's left is to engage in a game where self-gratification can be bought and the chance to tear down the old ghosts that persistently haunt him.

I won't engage too much into the finer details of Tyrion's character arc, but I highly recommend reading this excellent essay meereeneseblot . wordpress . com/2013/11/22/paying-his-debts-part-i-tyrion-in-kings-landing/ to better understand where Tyrion's arc will be going into TWOW.

So, our favourite dwarf finds himself traveling (waddling) to Meeren, hoping to seek the favour of the beautiful Queen Daenaerys Targaryen. Under siege with dubious allies and dragons you want to use to burn down your family's legacy, but they're too busy swarming the air like horny mosquitos...

But.... what's this? Ironborn swarming ashore? What the fuc-... With a complete donkey-brain of a captain leading them and who's just ready to be manipulated, you say? AND he wants to use Daenarys for his own ends too?

Muy bueno.

Now, to get to the point of the essay.

The Iron Captain

The Drowned God had not shaped Victarion Greyjoy to fight with words at kingsmoots, nor struggle against furtive sneaking foes in endless bogs. This was why he had been put on earth; to stand steel-clad with an axe red and dripping in his hand, dealing death with every blow. - The Reaver AFFC

So, I've showcased that Victarion Greyjoy's character is not one to dabble in higher politics or any other high-minded thinking. He's a man bred for splitting an enemy's skull in two with his axe, not someone trying to worm his way into people's confidences with false charm to achieve their own ends. Unfortunately for him, he's about to come across somebody who is.

A monkey on the mast above howled derision, almost as if it could taste his frustration. Filthy, noisy beast. He could send a man up after it, but the monkeys seemed to like that game and had proved themselves more agile than his crew. The howls rang in his ears, though, and made the throbbing in his hand seem worse. - The Iron Suitor ADWD

The moniker that's been labelled for Tyrion of "Monkey demon" earlier in ACOK has made a comeback by GRRM in Victarion's ADWD chapters to foreshadow their relationship going into TWOW. And what that relationship will entail, I think I can safely say, will not be a positive one. Not for Victarion anyways.

The monkeys, though … the monkeys were a plague. Victarion had forbidden his men to bring any of the demonic creatures aboard ship, yet somehow half his fleet was now infested with them, even his own Iron Victory. He could see some now, swinging from spar to spar and ship to ship. Would that I had a crossbow - The Iron Suitor ADWD

So, we can see that the passage likely connects Tyrion with the "monkey" moniker by way of referencing a "crossbow" as well as the word "demonic". As we all know, a crossbow is what Tyrion used to slay his father in ASOS. The mention of a crossbow in conjunction with monkeys being described as "demonic", I think we can safely say that Tyrion is being referenced by GRRM in Victarion's chapters .

Okay, so let's assume that Tyrion is referenced in these passages. What does it mean?

Here's what I believe: Tyrion, upon encountering Victarion, would have the judge of his character. Tyrion outclasses Victarion in every way when it comes to intelligence, wit, and manipulation. The two are at the same location (Meeren) and both want the favour of Daenarys. It seems inevitable that the two characters will cross paths. Tyrion would realise that this is a man that he can outwit and use for his own ends.

The first passage describes negatives feelings felt by Victarion at the monkey's "howling". This, I believe, is foreshadowing of Tyrion's attempts to manipulate Victarion. The "howling" used in substitute and reference to the lies that Tyrion will use on Victarion and his men.

Victarion's "frustration" is telling. There are two other characters in the series that aren't as versed in dealing with manipulation and the game of thrones in general, like Victarion. Those two being Eddard Stark and Barristan Selmy, and they reacted in similar ways to manipulation used on them.

“Most likely the king did not know,” Littlefinger said. “It would not be the first time. Our good Robert is practiced at closing his eyes to things he would rather not see.” Ned had no reply for that. The face of the butcher’s boy swam up before his eyes, cloven almost in two, and afterward the king had said not a word. His head was pounding. - Eddard AGOT

“Volantis.” Selmy’s sword hand tingled. We made a peace with Yunkai. Not with Volantis. “You are certain?”

“Certain. The Wise Masters know. So do their friends. The Harpy, Reznak, Hizdahr. This king will open the city gates to the Volantenes when they arrive. All those Daenerys freed will be enslaved again. Even some who were never slaves will be fitted for chains. You may end your days in a fighting pit, old man. Khrazz will eat your heart.”

His head was pounding. “Daenerys must be told.” -The Queensguard ADWD

When Ned encounters a lie by Littlefinger when they talk to him, it's described in the text as his "head pounding". The same happens when Barristan talks to the Shavepate in Meereen. It's likely that the Shavepate has his own agendas and when Barristan hears him he has the same reaction as Ned in where his "head pounds". The implication being that they instinctively know it's a lie, but can't grasp the higher details and fully realise it.

Victarion isn't an honourable man like Eddard and Barristan, but he shares the same ineptitude regarding the game of thrones as they do. The reaction isn't the exact same, but it's described in similar negative detail that taxes him. We can also refer to Barristan's passage where his hand "tingles" during the exchange, just as Victarion's hand "throbs" from the monkeys.

So, what is Tyrion's goal and why would he even need to bother with Victarion and his crew? We can refer back to this passage in Tyrion's final POV chapter in ADWD:

“I am dancing as fast as I can.” He wanted to laugh, but that would have ruined the game. Plumm was enjoying this, and Tyrion had no intention of spoiling his fun. Let him go on thinking that he’s bent me over and fucked me up the arse, and I’ll go on buying steel swords with parchment dragons. If ever he went back to Westeros to claim his birthright, he would have all the gold of Casterly Rock to make good on his promises - Tyrion ADWD

Tyrion's ultimate goal from ADWD and going forward is to tear down his father's legacy and to wreck vengeance upon his siblings. In order to achieve this, he has to acquire power. It's my belief that he'll try to persuade Victarion's men to fight for his cause. In the same way he swindled the Second Sons with promises of riches of Casterly Rock, I believe he'll do the same with Victarion's men.

To get a better picture of the character of the Ironborn soldiers I refer to this passage:

His words drew mutters of assent. “Slaver’s Bay is too far,” called out Ralf the Limper. “And too close to Valyria,” shouted Quellon Humble. Fralegg the Strong said, “Highgarden’s close. I say, look for dragons there. The golden kind!” Alvyn Sharp said, “Why sail the world, when the Mander lies before us?” Red Ralf Stonehouse bounded to his feet. “Oldtown is richer, and the Arbor richer still. Redwyne’s fleet is off away. We need only reach out our hand to pluck the ripest fruit in Westeros.”

“Fruit?” The king’s eye looked more black than blue. “Only a craven would steal a fruit when he could take the orchard.”

“It is the Arbor we want,” said Red Ralf, and other men took up the cry. The Crow’s Eye let the shouts wash over him. Then he leapt down from the table, grabbed his slattern by the arm, and pulled her from the hall.

- The Reaver AFFC

Euron Greyjoy, the king of the Ironborn, proposes an ambitious plan of acquiring dragons to rule all of Westeros, but his Ironborn soldiers opt for the easy way out. A way that will require less effort and with the promises of quick riches. Why sail half a world away when the gold is in their backyards?

The ironmen that have sailed with Victarion, will see the imp bearing his promises, and might just decide that he's their ticket to a grander prize. Their Iron Captain is a formidable warrior, aye, but Casterly Rock would have all the riches they need, and who better to offer them than the rightful born heir of Casterly Rock?

We've already seen Victarion's men turn on him before:

Victarion grabbed him by the forearm. “Refuse him!”

Nute looked at him as if he had gone mad. “Refuse him? Lands and lordship? Will you make me a lord?” He wrenched his arm away and stood, basking in the cheers.

And now he steals my men away, Victarion thought. - The Reaver AFFC

As I've highlighted in the first two passages, the monkeys are described as being more "agile" (more cunning) than Victarion's crew and infesting "half of them". It makes sense, since it's not like Tyrion can swindle 100 percent of Victarion's crew, but at least half of them? That doesn't seem like too much of a challenge, given what we know of the Ironborn's character.

Victarion Greyjoy mistrusted laughter. The sound of it always left him with the uneasy feeling that he was the butt of some jape he did not understand. Euron Crow’s Eye had oft made mock of him when they were boys. So had Aeron, before he had become the Damphair. Their mockery oft came disguised as praise, and sometimes Victarion had not even realized he was being mocked. Not until he heard the laughter. Then came the anger, boiling up in the back of his throat until he was like to choke upon the taste. That was how he felt about the monkeys. Their antics never brought so much as a smile to the captain’s face, though his crew would roar and hoot and whistle. - The Iron Suitor ADWD

“You have a gift for making men smile,” Septa Lemore told Tyrion as he was drying off his toes. “You should thank the Father Above. He gives gifts to all his children.”

“He does,” he agreed pleasantly. And when I die, please let them bury with me a crossbow, so I can thank the Father Above for his gifts the same way I thanked the father below. - Tyrion ADWD

For half a year he cartwheeled his merry way about Casterly Rock, bringing smiles to the faces of septons, squires, and servants alike. Even Cersei laughed to see him once or twice. All that ended abruptly the day his father returned from a sojourn in King’s Landing. That night at supper Tyrion surprised his sire by walking the length of the high table on his hands. Lord Tywin was not pleased. “The gods made you a dwarf. Must you be a fool as well? You were born a lion, not a monkey.” - Tyrion ADWD

Tyrion will use his personality to amuse and charm a majority of the Iron Fleet's crew, all so he can win them over and bond them to him, but Victarion won't be amused. We've already seen Tyrion's prowess used to great effect in winning over a crowd during his slave auction and he'll do the same with The Ironborn by playing the part of an amusing fool; "dancing" and making witty jokes to the bemusement of the knuckleheads from the Iron Islands.

He could send a man up after it, but the monkeys seemed to like that game

Victarion had forbidden his men to bring any of the demonic creatures aboard ship, yet somehow half his fleet was now infested with them, even his own Iron Victory.

Their antics never brought so much as a smile to the captain’s face, though his crew would roar and hoot and whistle.

Victarion may have some vague idea that the "monkeys" are nothing but trouble for his crew, but like Eddard and Barristan, he can't quite grasp the finer details of what a game of thrones player like Tyrion is trying to achieve exactly. He doesn't see the capering little monkey as someone trying to swindle his crew right from under him. "and sometimes Victarion had not even realized he was being mocked. Not until he heard the laughter. "

Because ultimately, the joke is on Victarion. The Monkey Demon makes his japes and charms all, while laughing from above at the dumb brute who can only frown his displeasure and not realise what the monkey has in store for him, until it's too late. And Victarion, finally realising the punchline too late, will be the biggest mistake of his life.

The Glory That Awaits

"The Lord of Light has shown me your worth, Lord Captain. Every night in my fires I glimpse the glory that awaits you." - Victarion ADWD

One of the biggest constants in Victarion's arc is that he's basically a born stooge. He's being manipulated by characters superior in intelligence than him, and while these manipulations haven't born fruit so far in AFFC and ADWD, I think they'll finally bloom and bite him in his kraken ass in TWOW.

Moqorro

Euron

Tyrion

It's been heavily implied in the text that all three characters are going to use him just to achieve their ends. The only character that hasn't interacted with him yet is Tyrion, but the first two share something in common that I think will translate over to Tyrion's machinations as well. That something being dragons.

Euron gifts him with a dragonhorn and bonehead extraordinaire Victarion thinks that he'll use it for his own benefit and snag himself a dragon. As if Euron would be stupid enough to allow Victarion to do that.

Euron was a fool to give me this, it is a precious thing, and powerful. With this I’ll win the Seastone Chair, and then the Iron Throne. With this I’ll win the world. - Victarion TWOW

Interesting that the word "fool" is invoked for Euron, a man who is more cunning than Victarion by miles. After all, you don't just secure a kingship like Euron did through sheer luck.

That's what the dancing little monkey will seem like to Victarion as well. Lord Tywin, a man after Victarion's own heart because he never smiled or laughed, wasn't amused by the monkey's antics either:

Lord Tywin’s mouth tightened. “Very droll. Shall I have them sew you a suit of motley, and a little hat with bells on it?” - Tyrion ASOS

He considered Tyrion a motley wearing fool. We all know how that ended for Tywin.

Moqorro then tells him that in order to capture the dragon for himself, he must claim the dragonhorn with his own blood.

“Your brother did not sound the horn himself. Nor must you.” Moqorro pointed to the band of steel. “Here. ‘Blood for fire, fire for blood.’ Who blows the hellhorn matters not. The dragons will come to the horn’s master. You must claim the horn. With blood.” - Victarion ADWD

So, the first two characters are connected via the use of the dragonhorn. Judging what we know from Euron's character, it's extremely likely that he's pulling one over on Victarion for his own ends. Since I've established that Tyrion is also going to do the same through this essay, it's highly likely Moqorro is just using Victarion as well.

Here we see Moqorro relaying a prophecy to Tyrion:

“Dragons old and young, true and false, bright and dark. And you. A small man with a big shadow, snarling in the midst of all.”

“Snarling? An amiable fellow like me?” Tyrion was almost flattered. And no doubt that is just what he intends. Every fool loves to hear that he’s important. “Perhaps it was Penny you saw. We’re almost of a size.”

“No, my friend.”

My friend? When did that happen, I wonder? - Tyrion ADWD

Definition of amiable:

friendly, sociable, and congenial. generally agreeable

Definition of snarling:

Something used by predators before they rip your throat out.

Moqorro's label cuts to the heart of the matter, despite Tyrion's "incredulous" reaction to it.

How can the jovial, charming little dwarf be anything but a good, fun time? "Snarling"? Does it "look" like he wants to burn down all of Westeros just to get some empty satisfaction at the downfall of his family? Does it "look" like he wants to use people less intelligent than him to achieve those ends?

Yes, Tyrion. Yes it does.

So, onto the next point. Since we've established that Tyrion doesn't have Victarion's best interests at heart, there's a question we should ask ourselves here: Why would Moqorro consider Tyrion a friend if he can see that he'll just end up using Victarion? His prophecies seem to be pretty on point in judging future events and how it relates to people, so why look so highly upon the dwarf?

It's because Moqorro is manipulating Victarion for his own ends as well. If he was Victarion's true ally, he wouldn't be so chummy with Tyrion.

Considering Moqorro looks so favorably upon Tyrion, his claims to Victarion that he can claim the dragon for his own are dubious. Moqorro's prophecy for "the glory that awaits him" to Victarion may not be the glorious ending Victarion thinks it'll be. Since Moqorro is a priest of fire, the "glory" he speaks of is something that he himself finds glorious. Fire.

During Victarion's travelogue in ADWD, he starts to incorporate The Lord of Light's beliefs for his own and mixes it with his belief of the Drowned God.

He wondered if this was how his brother Aeron felt when the Drowned God spoke to him. He could almost hear the god’s voice welling up from the depths of the sea. You shall serve me well, my captain, the waves seemed to say. It was for this I made you.

But he would feed the red god too, Moqorro’s fire god. The arm the priest had healed was hideous to look upon, pork crackling from elbow to fingertips. Sometimes when Victarion closed his hand the skin would split and smoke, yet the arm was stronger than it had ever been. “Two gods are with me now,” he told the dusky woman. “No foe can stand before two gods." - Victarion ADWD

In one final, humiliating punchline, the Iron Captain will serve his two gods. But not in the way he intended.

“Might be his robes caught fire, so he jumped overboard to put them out,” suggested Longwater Pyke, to general laughter. Even the monkeys were amused. They chattered overhead, and one flung down a handful of his own shit to spatter on the boards. -The Iron Suitor ADWD

The captain could not abide lies, so he had the Ghiscari captain bound hand and foot and thrown overboard, a sacrifice to the Drowned God. “Your red god will have his due,” he promised Moqorro, “but the seas are ruled by the Drowned God.”- Victarion ADWD

The captain answered with a nod, grim-faced, then called for the seven girls he had claimed to be brought on deck, the loveliest of all those found aboard the Willing Maiden. He kissed them each upon the cheeks and told them of the honor that awaited them, though they did not understand his words. Then he had them put aboard the fishing ketch that they had captured, cut her loose, and had her set afire.

“With this gift of innocence and beauty, we honor both the gods,” he proclaimed, as the warships of the Iron Fleet rowed past the burning ketch. “Let these girls be reborn in light, undefiled by mortal lust, or let them descend to the Drowned God’s watery halls, to feast and dance and laugh until the seas dry up.” - Victarion ADWD

His plan to snatch a dragon and win the world will backfire horribly. Believing he'll become Aegon the Conquerer come again, he uses the dragonhorn to bring a dragon to him. Since the dragonhorn is at least six feet long, it'd be a pain and seem redundant to move it from the deck of The Iron Victory. Thinking the dragon will be binded to him, he'll be happy as a pig in shit when the horn gets tooted like an old lady's fart.

That is, until the dragon swoops down and opens his maw to unleash a nuclear holocaust on his sorry ass.

When he raised his whip, he saw that the lash was burning. His hand as well. All of him, all of him was burning. Oh, he thought. Then he began to scream. - The Dragontamer ADWD

It's not too far-fetched to say the passage connects with Victarion, considering his arm and hand have already been described as split and smoking. It's also isn't the first time his hand is referenced, as I've stated before in the reference to Barristan Selmy. Both references coming from the same book ADWD.

Engulfed in dragonfire, he'll have no choice but to jump overboard into the sea. That'll snuff the flames right ou-

The white roses drew back, as men always did at the sight of Victarion Greyjoy armed and armored, his face hidden behind his kraken helm. They were clutching swords and spears and axes, but nine of every ten wore no armor, and the tenth had only a shirt of sewn scales. These are no ironmen, Victarion thought. They still fear drowning. - The Reaver AFFC

None of his men had seen what became of the knight after he went over the side, however. Most like the man had drowned. “May he feast as he fought, in the Drowned God’s watery halls.” Though the men of the Shield Islands called themselves sailors, they crossed the seas in dread and went lightly clad in battle for fear of drowning. Young Serry had been different. A brave man, thought Victarion. Almost ironborn. - The Reaver AFFC

In a buy two-get-one free deal, the char-coaled Iron Captain will serve his two gods, sinking like a rock to the bottom of the ocean to feast in the watery halls of the Drowned God for eternity. The Monkey Demon laughing and capering all the while.

At least the Drowned God will be impressed with the Kraken armor.

The End

So, in a final analysis, I believe Tyrion will convince at least half, if not most of Victarion's crew to join in his cause, thinking they'll be rich beyond their wildest of dreams, not realising that they're just expendable pawns for Tyrion to fulfil his desire for vengeance.

While the exact logistics of how Tyrion is involved in Victarion's death escape me, I certainly believe he'll have a part in it. As I've stated before, Tyrion will likely be involved with Victarion and his plot for dragons just like Moqorro and Euron.

The white cyvasse dragon ended up at Tyrion’s feet. He scooped it off the carpet and wiped it on his sleeve, but some of the Yunkish blood had collected in the fine grooves of the carving, so the pale wood seemed veined with red. “All hail our beloved queen, Daenerys.” Be she alive or be she dead. He tossed the bloody dragon in the air, caught it, grinned. - Tyrion TWOW

It'd also be guesswork on my part to write what exact manipulations and lies Tyrion will utilise on Victarion and his men through dialogue, but I think my rough sketch is enough to give a general idea for the direction they'll likely take.

Considering that Tyrion is inevitably going to meet with Daenerys, and since it's not like he has any easy passage to any other location, he'll likely be at Meeren for a good while.

And since it seems highly unlikely that Victarion will just be killed off at the Battle of Fire, considering he's been chronicled and built up in the past two books, I think it's safe to assume that the two will have lengthy interactions with each other while they're stuck in Meereen.

Whether or not Victarion will be around long enough to meet the fair-haired queen of his dreams is unknown, but it's possible he'll be dead before then.

After all, wouldn't it be a worthy prize for our beloved imp to come bearing gifts of a naval fleet bonded to him to the lovely Queen Daenerys? All from him, no other person claiming ownership of them.

"The old captain? Eh, he wouldn't have been as generous as me."

Despite all of that, despite all the manipulations and deceit, will Tyrion be truly satisfied at the end result?

That night Tyrion Lannister dreamed of a battle that turned the hills of Westeros as red as blood. He was in the midst of it, dealing death with an axe as big as he was, fighting side by side with Barristan the Bold and Bittersteel as dragons wheeled across the sky above them. In the dream he had two heads, both noseless. His father led the enemy, so he slew him once again. Then he killed his brother, Jaime, hacking at his face until it was a red ruin, laughing every time he struck a blow. Only when the fight was finished did he realize that his second head was weeping. - Tyrion ADWD

[datingdonovan]

hello hello! i’m interested in your ask game, hope it’s still going lol or else this ask would be kinda awkward wouldn’t it 😅

my personality type is infj + 6w5, and the reason my last relationship ended is bc we were in high school, we were definitely not going to spend the rest of our lives together. frankly, i wanted to leave the whole thing behind, and i’m preeetty sure they did too.

a/n: omg. I love ur energy. I don't know if im a 6 (always torn between 6 and 4) but if im not then I swear I have very strong 6 energy regardless and I feel like lots of my strange behavior can be attributed to that sort of loyalist/skeptic dichotomy 6s have. so its always cool to see another 6 in the wild :) we should be friends anon!!! but also im sorry this took 1 year to finish and I feel like this guy is a really interesting match imo but it could go either way so FINGERS CROSSED that you like him omg!!!!!

okay okay okay I hear you LOUD and clear that you want something serious or you don't want it at alllll!!! holy crap this man came to my mind absolutely out of the BLUE okay but I swear he is so... stable. he's in my intro to writing class and honestly I think its just because he has to take it but I don't care if he doesn't like to write every time he opens his mouth im just in awe. not sure if its his beauty or the words he's saying but whatever it is, its doing things to me. I feel like lots of kids in our class sort of overlook him because he's quiet and idk some people might call him boring but. sometimes after class we talk and im just blown away by his maturity and his unwavering sense of self. maybe he's a lil too low-key for me but im just getting this sense it could work between you. I think given enough time anyone could fall for... ikejiri

I don't even know where to begin. I think you'll love him!! he's quiet and he's kinda shy and you can tell he's nervous when he talks to people he doesn't know but when he starts getting to know you he'll just babble on about things he loves and then look down all embarrassed when he realizes what he's doing oh my goodness watch out im gonna steal him from you. the more you learn about him the more you can see this inner world that's just VIVACIOUS I mean he's so full of life and light and smiles and kindness and I think you're a safe person who could bring that side out of him!! he's so imaginative and sweet and has this whole piece of him that people don't get to see and I think you two would really love sorta being each other's sanctuary to dream with oh my gosh im fangirling already. ALSO also ALSO!!! im gonna tell it like it is. I don't think you need to be in a relationship that's gonna last a lifetime if that's not what you want. but I do think that ANY relationship you get in has to be with someone who takes YOU seriously and takes dating seriously and wants to be stable with you and get to know you on a deep level!! they have to be somebody who's gonna make you feel calm and loved and SAFE to speak your mind and share your energy and let your guard down because oh my word friend I feel like you're so good at adjusting to what other people need from you and looking to other people for validation. you need a man who strips all that away and just lets you EXIST!!!! and doesn't make you feel ASHAMED for that. doesn't make you feel ashamed for being practical and chill sometimes when everyone else is going out and being wild! there's nothing wrong with either lifestyle but sometimes it can feel lonely out on your wavelength and I just think this man can meet you there and make YOU feel perfect in your own skin at your own comfort levels bc that's what you are. SORRY to fangirl over you two but it needs to happen ASAP. ok so want to meet up after my writing class on Tuesday??? I'll ask him if he wants to eat together and you two can meet :):) yes??

ask game closed <3

[kirkwallgremlin]

2 for dialogue prompts for carvistair? 👀

2. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Thank you ♥️♥️ in my head, this started off very light and fluffy but then it ended up a little heavier and I made myself a lil sad with Duncan and Bethany feelings.

*

“Can I tell you a secret?” Alistair asked one day as they lay on the bank of the river. It was one of the nicest days they’d had in a while and the pair of them had decided to take advantage, slipping out for a swim, and the sun lay warm on their skin. The remaining water droplets were rapidly disappearing in the heat, the grass rough beneath them, and clouds drifted above them, a scattering of white across the blue sky.

“Course you can,” Carver said, turning just his head to look at Alistair. Beside him, Alistair propped himself up on one elbow.

“I like your tattoos,” he said and Carver grinned at him.

“That’s not a secret,” he said. “You’ve already shown me that, more than once.”

“I just have extraordinary taste,” Alistair said. “I know when something is worth admiring.”

Carver flexed his muscles.

“It is a burden being a work of art, but somebody has to bear it,” he said and Alistair laughed, though Carver wondered if it had a little less enthusiasm than usual.

“You are beautiful,” Alistair said and Carver covered his face with his arm, partly to block out the sun and partly to hide his flattered embarrassment. He was still getting used to Alistair saying things like that, although if he kept saying them with the same frequency, maybe it wouldn’t take long. Or maybe he never would and Alistair would keep giving him that fluttery feeling in his chest forever.

“What’s on your mind though?” he asked, hoping to change the subject. “Was that your secret?”

“I always kind of wanted one,” Alistair said. “A tattoo. I got close a few times, Zevran was willing during the Blight, but I was never brave enough.”

“You personally took on an archdemon during a Blight and you think you’re not brave enough for a tattoo?” Carver said, propping himself up to face Alistair, one eyebrow raised incredulously.

“Well… we didn’t exactly have much choice with the archdemon. And it didn’t want to stab me lots of times with a tiny needle. I got the sense it was more into shredding and dismembering and commanding mutant evil armies in the name of evil.”

“It’s not that bad,” Carver reassured him. “You could take it. If you wanted to.” He resisted the urge to make a joke about Alistair taking something else. It didn’t feel like the time.

Alistair made a thoughtful noise as he lay back flat onto the ground, Carver lowering himself back down beside him. They lay in silence for a moment, nothing but the sound of trickling water and calling birds around them, before Alistair lifted himself up again.

“I was thinking about that one,” he said softly, pressing a hand gently against the tattoo on Carver’s bicep and Carver swallowed deeply.

The tattoo in question was the one for Bethany, all of her favourite things twined together, a memorial inked on his skin forever. Carver didn’t need the reminder of her - she was never far from his thoughts and he had no fear of ever forgetting her - but he liked having it there, feeling like she was always with him. It had taken some time for him to be ready for it, worried it would feel like another reminder, another knife to the heart every time he looked at it, but it was something he was glad he had done. His sister was part of him and now everyone could see it.

“Does it… help?” Alistair asked and Carver nodded.

“Yeah,” he said and although he intended to elaborate, no further words came.

“I haven’t told anyone this before but I was thinking I could do something for Duncan,” Alistair said after a moment. “I still… I still miss him sometimes. He has a memorial now at least but it’s hard to visit, it’s so far away and we get so busy, so I thought maybe something else could be nice. Something for me. So that I can always have it there.”

Carver reached across to grab Alistair’s hand, his fingers twining through Alistair’s. He wasn’t always the best with comforting words but he knew from experience that sometimes Alistair just needed somebody to be there, to listen to him, to recognise and validate how he was feeling.

“I think he’d like that,” Carver said. “I can help you, if you want. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Carv,” he said, squeezing Carver’s hand. Carver squeezed back, lapsing into silence again, unsure if he should say anything else.

“Race you back to the water?” Alistair said after a moment and Carver grinned at him, pushing himself to his feet.

“Last one in owes a kiss,” he said, already halfway there.

[emotionalsuppork]

hi i feel really weird about requesting this and idek if it sounds so strange you’ll be like wtf but i’d like to at least feel like somebody loves me even if i feel like no one does :’) umm ig this is an emergency request? tho i mean like i’ve dealt w these feelings w/o requesting stuff so it’s okay if you’re busy! anyways um i feel like my hormones are higher bc my period is taking it’s sweet time 😅 anyways i kinda got yelled at by my dad for smth small but i’ve been doing it often but it’s so small like he really didn’t have to get so upset ANYWAYS wow i’m ranting basically i hide in my closet when i get super overwhelmed and i’ve got a lil bedsheet on there and pillows and a candle so it’s nice and comfy :’) the candle isn’t lit btw, the space is small so the scent goes around well anyways yaku, taketora, noya and sugawara are my comfort characters so maybe smth w one of them? you obvs don’t have to do all, i just thought having choices would help?? i just feel ✨unlovable✨ and everything is hopeless even more so w the pandemic and shit ykw i mean WOW n e ways so sorry this is so long JFKSKSK legit don’t even bother answering if it’s too weird i’m just gonna pretend i didn’t write this i really don’t wanna overwhelm anyone else w what i feel i should get a therapist aye but they’re expensive and i’m broke KFKSKSK okay i’m sorry if i overwhelmed you as well bc you don’t deserve that okay bye 👁👅👁✌🏽

HI OMG IM SORRY I DIDN’T SEE THIS SOONER!! also i do that too! i made myself a blanket nest lol. and no darling you’re not overwhelming me at all! also i literally was JUST complaining about nobody loving me so this request is just like.....fate. i hope this makes you feel a little better and loved! (even if it is late which i am very sorry about, i didn’t realize it was there :( )

-------------------------------

im gonna do some headcanons for all ur boys instead of a longer thing for like 1 or 2 

-------------------------------

Yaku! 

would be the best to vent to 

would 100% get angry on your behalf

also he’d be very reassuring that you’re valid and your feelings are valid and it’s okay to feel like this

he’d definitely take care of you in any/every way he could

he’d also gently scold you if you get too hard on yourself

would be stern about reeling in bad thoughts

gives good advice but also gets that sometimes advice isn’t really all that helpful so he’ll ask what you need beforehand 

would keep checking in about that specific thing

like he always checking in, but now its checking in to see how youre feeling about that

really nice about it but also like laser focused 

you’re going to feel better if its the last thing he does

Taketora!

would try and squeeze into the closet with you 

don’t even try and fight it you are getting his love and you’re getting it now

he’d listen but i think he’d also be bad at advice so he’d just try and make you laugh instead

10/10 best distraction

also wouldn’t allow you to feel hopeless in his presence

like he will constantly be hyping you up 

and if you’re still not convinced on how amazing you are?  well youre about to be

because suddenly you’re getting calls and texts from his team about how cool you are 

and to make it even better you better belive you’ll be getting calls and texts and freaking f a c e t i m e s  from Tanaka and Noya at Karasuno

you literally haven’t even met these boys!?

tora would just look so smug 

Noya!

speaking of noya

he’d be so shocked and bummed out

like what? you dont feel good about yourself? you’re having problems at home? YOU THINK I DON’T LOVE YOU?!?!?!

would be hilariously trying to simultaneously reassure/comfort you and like..beat himself up for not treating you even more like a queen

he is 1000% going to get you out of that closet and take you on the best damn date of your life 

hes clueless though so you’re going to have to be a little blunt about how your feeling to make him understand

would also probably suggest you hanging out more with him and his friends

like his friends all like you so if you’re feeling down about yourself come hang with us and we’ll gas you up!

which is a sweet thought but this boy is literally a puppy so no surprises there

Sugawara!

i think out of all of them, suga would handle everything with the most grace

like he’d totally have some sort of self care routine that he’d walk you through

and then i feel like he’s the type to be like “let’s have a therapy date” where he takes you to lunch or coffee and you guys just vent/rant/cry/work through emotions with each other 

i also think he’s the type to be like “that’s currently a hostile environment so why don’t you come to mine and we can cuddle!”

super sweet and understanding but also will be firm about stuff

like he gets that you feel this way and you’re feelings are vaild, but try and think about it like this instead before you spiral

also he like....wouldn’t let it go

like if a day or two passes and even if you’re feeling better, he’s still gonna check in 

hey you good? you sure? i got you a cookie?

like so so sweet and thoughtful and he’s so caring too 

an angel

[alcoholgoddess7]

dam caps really made me open my eyes and see what i needed to see and feel. 

idk, i feel so much more accepting of kai and i don’t feel as bothered. like it feels like a huge weight is being lifted and i can breath.

like i, know i’ll probs get a lil sad here and there but i feel as if i’ve come to a realisation and that i’m actually able to move on and i don’t feel as pressured by everything. 

it felt so relieving to write down everything that was going on in my head and to have it as evidence. like i don’t feel guilty? like i’m not thinking about how i could’ve prevented it, or changed the outcome, but i’m actually looking at what i’ve learned from it, and appreciating what i gained, not what i lost. 

i feel that i am ready to move on and this time in a healthy way. i can appreciate the memories and the time we spent but i shouldn’t let it hold me back from moving forward. 

now i know he isn’t the best of people, he’s done some shitty things. i do not hate him, but i do not admire or miss him. for who i thought he was, was someone i was looking for, not someone who i would love. the person i created was someone i wanted to fall in love with so i ignored the things that went against my moral compass, and brushed over things that hurt me, or opinions i stayed quite about. 

i’m not saying i didn't enjoy myself, i did immensely, i can remember so many good things that happened, but that doesn’t excuse or make mine or your actions any better. for i can name several things that pushed over the line but i ignored because i didn’t know what to say or do. 

but you also made me feel comfortable in my skin, for a period of time anyway, and i thank you for that. 

you came with good and bad, as everyone does, but weather the good was outweighed by the bad and i ignored it or vice versa, i can only thank you for the “perception” of you, because that was who i wanted to fall in love with, and that was not who you were. that was not someone you wanted to be or were, and that is ok. i don’t hate you, but i don’t agree with you; you are simply somebody that i used to know, somebody that i was grateful for teaching me the new skills i have now. 

i do not need validation from anyone; and i don’t need it from you. i do not need to feel like i am only worth something for someone, i am a person with thoughts feelings and actions, and i only need myself to accomplish what i want. i do not need a man’s validation, or a women’s, a they/them’s or anyone else. i am enough for me and all i need is me to accomplish anything i want. 

i am worth more than what you were willing to offer and i wish i had accepted that fact sooner. i do not blame you, and i do not blame me. it was meant to happen and i’m grateful it ended. 

so i thank you for your time, and i also hope that your ok? at least the little part of me that still thinks of the “you” i wanted. for i never wanted to hurt you, regardless, and i never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, but that does not excuse my actions. it does not excuse your previous actions. 

but those actions are now what i know to look out for, what i can do to prevent them. 

i no longer feel the need to be in a competition with you, you hating me is consuming more energy than me letting go. your no longer relevant so why should i bother comparing to you?  

so in conclusion, i thank you Kai for the time we spent, but this will be my last post about you; i no longer need you, and i see that now, but i think its time i let him go and let you become a faded memory for years to come. 

the Kai i wanted was left on that roof and that girl was trapped there with him. now she can leave, she can be free and move on. she no longer has to hide in the dark and in the dimly lit corners. she is ready to emerge again and face the future head on and see what is in store. 

thank you, and i release you from my mind, because you are no longer relevant in my life, and are no longer needed. 

[bigskydreaming]

In my ideal world where Dick and Jason have the strong brotherly bond I want them to have, the Ric Grayson thing happened like in canon, and Bruce and Babs came back to the rest of the family and reported Ric wants to be left alone and they should all respect his wishes. 

But two seconds later Jason’s halfway out the window and Bruce is like, “Jason, are you listening?” 

And Jason calls back over his shoulder: “Totally, it was a really neat story B, I just remembered I left the stove on, gotta go, bye!”

Then he drives straight to Titans Tower where he abducts/sorta-politely-requests-the-assistance-of Lilith. “I need your help with something, c’mon you owe me.” 

And Lilith’s like: “....you’ve never done done a damn thing for me in my life, why the fuck would I owe you anything?”

And Jason’s all: “Ugh, damn. I was sorta hoping if I just led with that and put enough conviction in it you’d just roll with it, I hate doing this next part if I can avoid it.” 

To which he adds, through gritted teeth, with actual beads of blood rolling down his forehead where normally there would merely be beads of sweat as proof of exertion, but everything’s just a Little Bit Extra when Jason does it: “I need your help with something, c’mon, I’ll owe you.”

And then Lilith’s eyes glow and in a thunderous voice that rattles the heavens in their windowpanes, Lilith says, "The bargain has been struck, so shall it be!”

And Jason’s like: ”...what the fuck was that.” 

Lil just shrugs and says, “I’m not really sure. I’m maybe a little bit of a demigoddess or something? Hard to say, nobody ever spends enough time on me as a character or actually finishes my plotlines enough for me to actually know what my whole deal even is. Its kinda like Donna, but my story arcs are more just ‘All the confusion, but none of the denoument’.”

“Huh. Hey are we breaking the fourth wall right now?”

“Oh, totally. But I’m pretty sure we’re allowed because gay rights.”

“Sweet.”

And then they go together to Bludhaven and break into Ric’s apartment and Ric’s like who the fuck are you, and Jason’s all: “I’m the brother of the guy who’s you but faster and this is Lilith, she’s maybe a demigoddess, we’re not sure.”

And Ric’s just: “I have no idea wtf any of that means, and the way just the sound of it makes my head hurt is why I’m pretty sure I told Desperately In Need Of Therapy Man and the redhead who made a point to tell me a hundred different times in under five minutes that she and I definitely never dated, when literally all I asked was if she knew where the bathroom was: I. Don’t. Want. None. Of. Your. Drama.”

Jason just smirks. “Oh no, I got your message loud and clear with the rest of the family. Its just that I’m better at loopholes than the rest of them. Also logic. And I mean, pretty much everything. Definitely the best at not staying dead, and having flair, like at least I actually know how to stage a comeback...”

Lilith interrupts him gently. “Jason? Think you’re getting off topic, maybe?”

“Oh. Right. Point is, so yeah, I heard what you wanted but then I thought to myself, Self, why should I give a fuck what THIS dude wants, when as he pointed out, he’s not even my brother? Like, he’s totally legit for not wanting shit to do with our hot mess of a family. I can kinda even respect him for that and for just spitting it out there rather than succumbing to the existence-sucking vortex that is our dad’s Eternal Depression Spiral and Ensuing Drama which then takes over our entire lives as well and creeps ever onward in its quest to eventually swallow the entire universe. I mean like Darkseid could never, he’s amateur hour compared to the endless Night of Brooding that B would darken the whole universe with if he didn’t have us to gut-check his ego and be all “get over yourself dude, you and your issues are not the most important thing in existence” every once in awhile...”

Ric: “I think your friend mentioned something about a point.”

Jason glares at him. “I was getting to it! I think. Eventually. Okay here’s the deal, Understudy That Nobody Asked For, you’re absolutely valid for saying you don’t owe us jack shit, but turn around is fair play and turns out, that just means I don’t owe you jack shit either. You’re not my brother, and so instead of giving a fuck what you want, I asked my self, Self, what would my actual brother want here? Would he want to just...not exist, while his family is currently in the midst of being the hottest of all hot messes to ever mess hotly? Or would he want somebody to go grab one of the most powerful psychics in existence, who also happens to be a close personal friend of his, and get her to just exorcise the Existential Crisis That Just Didn’t Know When To Quit so I could have my brother back and we could all just get back to normal? I mean, except for you, I guess that would probably suck from your perspective, its just - as established, I don’t have to give a fuck, soooooo.....I’ve decided not to....I know, awkward, huh....”

And Ric blinks. “Fuck. Your logic is sound. The parts of it I understood at least. Umm...I’m not thrilled, obviously, but it doesn’t sound like I could do anything to stop it and its not like I’m exactly living it up and having just an awesome, enviable existence or anything, so....what even happens now?”

Jason checks his watch. “Oh I think now we just wait another ten seconds for Lilith to finish what she’s been doing since we got here while I vamped like a motherfucker and kept you too distracted to try and keep her from messing with your head. Which the ironic thing is you probably coulda done a pretty decent job of if you’d known to try, since one of the many things you didn’t want to know about my brother is that he has freakishly obnoxious willpower he uses in all sorts of other ways besides just being a stubborn asshole, and since you’re basically him no matter what you pretend or want to believe, that probably applies to you too, and so....”

And then Dick blinks and stumbles before catching himself gracefully because he’s Dick Grayson (again) and that’s just what he does, be smooth and graceful like a stubborn asshole even when he’s drugged or sleep deprived or just awakening from several months locked inside his own subconscious because amnesia or whatthefuckever.

Ugh, Jason thinks to himself grumpily. His brother is just the absolute worst.

And Dick’s like: “Jason? Lil? What are you two doing here? Together? And wait, where is here? What the fuck happened?”

And Jason’s all: “So much, Dickiebird, but almost none of it is interesting or anything I care about. So catch the Cliff Notes later from somebody who was actually paying attention and just head back to Gotham with me so I can reclaim my apartment from the Turdlings who have started dropping by it whenever the fuck they feel like. Because apparently, they’ve decided in your absence all Oldest Brother Privileges and Responsibilities are automatically ceded to me, and I absolutely fucking object. Especially since it turns out the ‘privileges’ are misnamed at best and totally not fucking worth it. In fact, I object so fucking much, our next stop is Zatanna or some other big name magic wunderkind so they can whammy you with some kind of immortality ritual, I don’t care how hard it is, I will pay literally any price and take it out of Bruce’s bank accounts because I’ve decided you’re just not allowed to die now, ever, I fucking refuse to have to put up with any of this bullshit again, the next time you try and fuck off to the Great Trapeze in the Sky.”

And Dick blinks, like; “What?”

Jason just whines like the big baby he really is underneath all the bluster and bloodshed. “Look its been a very long year and I’m tired and stressed and can we just go home already, this place sucks and I hate it. Like damn, you really live like this? Amnesia You apparently decided to rebel against good taste along with everything else.”

Dick softens. “Sure Little Wing, lets go home and see if someone else can catch me up to speed. You do tend to leave out a lot of pertinent information on the basis of not caring about things other people consider relevant. Like....laws.”

“Fuck you, I can’t believe you’re coming for me and my amorality like this when I just saved your overrated ass from a lifetime of not existing but also making terrible life choices.”

“And I’m sure I’ll be very grateful once I understand what exactly it is you saved me from, I can’t properly appreciate you if I don’t know what the stakes were, can I?” Dick says. Before Jason can appear too mollified though, he continues. “Although from what I have put together so far, it sounds like Lilith probably did most of the heavy lifting, so isn’t it really her who saved me?”

“This is why I never do nice things for you!”

“I’m joking, jeez, lighten up, Little Wing. Just because your frame is load-bearing now doesn’t mean you gotta act like everything’s so heavy...”

“Hah! I knew you resented me for being bigger than you ever since I came back!”

“Well I’m sorry, its just not natural. I’m the oldest brother, I’m supposed to be bigger than you, that’s just the rule....”

“Oh, well excuuuuuuuuse me, Mr. I Make the Rules, I’m so sorry for getting murdered and then coming back from the dead and being thrown into a Lazarus Pit that just happened to have the side effect of making my remaining growth spurts get me all the way to my optimal size...”

“Aha! So you admit that your being bigger than me isn’t a natural phenomenon!”

“Oh please, I would have ended up bigger than you even without the Lazarus Pit. You’re a shrimp! You’re a shrimp that flies, its that whole acrobat/gymnast thing, you’re a tiny little man and you just need to get over the fact that everyone else who is over eighteen and not Tim is always going to be bigger than you and always was!”

“Aaaaand, they’re back,” Lilith sighs to herself, rolling her eyes fondly as she follows them and the dumbest argument ever out the door. Admittedly, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[personasintro]

I know this is out of the blue, and probably doesn't make much sense since every country deals with it a lil different, BUT I'm pissed that so many people were able to do things and live their lives normally meanwhile us, "regular" people were told to stay home no matter what and made it seem like the world stopped spinning, then I see people like cough cough Yoongi or just bts in general, continuingly releasing things, like, why only a certain type of people were able to keep up w their lives

But the rest of us were basically threaten to not leave the house, literally in my hometown you either went to jail or had to pay a lot of money if you went outside without a "valid" reason, as if going for a walk after sitting my ass for 6 hs studying wasn't a valid reason enough, ugh I hate it here I've been holding this for too long I didn't want to say it because I wanted to be as rational as possible and is not like I complain about my life and judge others cuz is not their responsibility

Is not like they own me anything, specially when theyre on the other side of the world but is just too much injustice to ignore, and btw I mean celebrities in general, not just bts. Is like I was told the world was near an end but now looking back I see that NOTHINGS CHANGED, and it makes me really angry, I see people traveling from city to city like nothing's happened and they have the NERVE to post in on social media. I was scared shitless when this whole thing started but now I'm just angry

Because nobody seems to care, then why should I? Everybody continued with their lives it seems, and the rest of us lost courses in university, others lost their jobs, is really shitty for most of us. I knew this world was unfair and the rich will always get their way, I just choose to be ignorant and hope things could be different this time but no. They painted it out to be something is not, it just ruined lives of useless people like me, I'm not getting these months back I feel dead already

Ps, I'm sorry to bother you w this, I just needed to let it out somehow, i don't mean to ruin your blog (specially cause it's literally been my only "escape" all this time) with my negativity. I feel very hopeless and alone, a complete loser that doesn't know how to live and this situation just triggered me idk even know how to explain it but hopefully somebody else out there understand what I mean ♥️♥️

I've mentioned this somewhere before but you can't compare yourself to them, or any different celebrities. I get your point, I lost my job because of covid and it affected my life a lot. Money isn't everything, but it helps A LOT. You're definitely not useless and you didn't bother me with this. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this, I'm here for you! I'm really interested what the rest of you think about this. 

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

I loveeee all the songs u chose for Tim!!! Can u maybe do a post or smth explaining why cus it’s so interesting seeing the choice behind these songs

Hi yes I can!! I’m not gonna do all of them here (I can def do the rest if you’d like!!) bc that’s just a Lot all at once lol. Also I might have typos and I apologize but dkjsfhakh I have bandaids on my fingers and it’s hard to type :^/

Disclaimer: some of these songs fit a lot better than other ones

Hard Times by Paramore

I chose this song bc it’s abbout being sad, but the tone is upbeat and happy. Something I’ve noticed abt Tim is that he is (usually) functionally depressed. Like, I read an article about high functioning depression, and it said that a lot of people who have it have a hole in their life – that they can have a job (and Tim does, being either CEO or Red Robin or both), a partner (who I like to think of as Kon), and be part of a family, maintaining this happy/upeat facade, but if you ask them what they do for fun…they usually can’t answer that. And I don’t think Tim can. When he was younger, he could, but what now? 

Fave Lyric: “Walking around / With my little rain cloud / Hanging over my head/ And it ain’t coming down / Where do I go? / Gimme some sort of sign / You hit me with lightning! / Maybe I’ll come alive”

Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

I chose this bc I can picture Tim, during a low moment like when Kon or Bruce died, just falling apart and thinking he’s not going to survive it, isn’t strong enough, had something to do with their deaths happening,,, etc. Also there’s a line that references anxiety and like lmao that’s Tim!

Fave Lyric: “Tremble for yourself, my man, / You know that you have seen this all before / Tremble, little lion man, / You’ll never settle any of your scores / Your grace is wasted in your face, / Your boldness stands alone among the wreck / Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck”

Heroes (we could be) by Alesso feat. Tove Lo

I chose this bc Tim needed a happy song and also because this has such Young Justice vibes !!!! This is Tim and his friends having fun, roaming around, kicking bad guy ass together!! Actually upon looking at the lyrics again, it’s both YJ and Batman & Robin. It just encompasses Tim’s early days of being a hero I think, the happy carefree nature and the bravery and the hope

Fave Lyric: “Everyday people do everyday things but I / Can’t be one of them / I know you hear me now, we are a different kind / We can do anything”

Burn The House Down by AJR

Tbh I mostly chose this bc its a bop and I think he would sing along to it. BUT I also think this kind of represents his life as a public figure/celeb??? And if I wanna go even further, I think it could represent him when he’s older and more confident, with a better self esteem and maybe a lil less depressed (which I hope is in the cards for his future). Also it talks about lying a lot???? I’m sorry, I don’t have a good analysis for this one lmao

Fave Lyric: “Way up way up we go / Been up and down that road / Way up way up, oh no / We gon’ burn the whole house down / Watch me stand in the line / You’re only serving lies / You’ve got something to hide / We gon’ burn the whole house down”

Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers feat. Daya

I chose this bc it reminded me of Tim and Dick. I’m of the opinion that Tim getting fired from Robin was the right choice and that Dick wasn’t being cruel or anything like that at all, but I also think that Tim probably saw it that way which is valid. So it’s like, to him, Dick was his big brother who was basically always there for him, and then suddenly… he’s not. And everything else going on in his life starts to suck dramatically, and not having his big brother makes it worse, and he feels betrayed. Meanwhile Dick really is on his side, life is just also terrible for him too so they can’t be as close as they were when Tim was Robin. It can also be about Bruce or Kon tbh – just, wanting one of them to be there and they’re not.

Fave Lyric: “Crashing, hit a wall / Right now I need a miracle / Hurry up now, I need a miracle / Stranded, reaching out / I call your name but you’re not around”

More under the cut!!

Don’t Play by Halsey

This…. I chose this bc I really love the celebrity versions of the Bats, and also how competent Tim can be, and this song brings both of those together. Lol this could also be like…what other people think the Bats/Tim think like?? “Don’t play with me, I’m rich and will fuck you up” kinda thing. This is one of the ones that fits less well than the others but I still get Tim vibes from it so I’m keeping it

Fave Lyric: “Tryna take back what you say to me / I don’t give a damn what you say to me / There ain’t no time for games with me”

Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray

I get the feeling that after bad shit happens to Tim, he feels the way this song shows. I haven’t read much YJ so I can’t be sure, but I get the feeling that Tim, no matter what the truth is, feels like he’s alone and there’s no one who will help him. Obviously that can be tied back to his childhood and how he had to take care of himself, and so when there are people who actually do wanna help him he doesn’t see it?? And he’s down on himself so he’s probably thinking “they don’t want to help me, and I can’t blame them”

Fave Lyric: “But that’s how it’s got to be / It’s coming down to nothing more than apathy / I’d rather run the other way than stay and see / The smoke and who’s still standing when it clears” 

Icarus by Bastille

Okay not so much the drinking aspect of this song but EVERYTHING ELSE. I even used one of the lyrics for a fic title. Basically my thoughts here are: 1) everyone looks to the Robins and sees how much they do and it’s just A Lot, 2) Tim knows Jason died and so he probably thinks that’s in his future too even if Dick survived, and 3) Tim is doing a lot and feeling a lot and trying to protect himself and his feelings, which is hard work especially for someone so young

Fave Lyric: “Living beyond your years / Acting out all their fears / You feel it in your chest”

Needed Me by Rihanna

Again,,,, the Competence. I love that shit. I love BAMF!Bats, and tbh I think this could apply to more than just Tim, but I picked it for him bc of the first lyric!! This is also one of those ones that doesn’t fit super well but djkhfjkdshah I think this could really fit an AU Tim where he’s like. More morally gray. Not necessarily a bad guy but just more confident, more arrogant maybe, and more jaded from the hero-ing life

Fave Lyric: “I was good on my own, that’s the way it was, that’s the way it was / You was good on the low for a faded fuck, on some faded love / Shit, what the fuck you complaining for? / Feeling jaded, huh?”

What I’ve Done by Linkin Park

Okay I think this fits a lot of different things: his actions after Kon’s death, his and Damian’s relationship, the lies he’s told (to ppl like Steph, his dad, Tam?), his relationship with Bruce maybe?? I can also see it as him thinking on who he was as a kid – a stalker basically lmao, but ultimately harmless – versus who he is now – a skilled vigilante who’s definitely not harmless. Stark difference there. Also he’s forgiving himself, which is something I think is important for somebody with a low self view

Fave Lyric: “In this farewell / There’s no blood / There’s no alibi / ‘Cause I’ve drawn regret / From the truth / Of a thousand lies”

Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato

I chose this because I think Tim is fucked up by the neglect he suffered in his childhood. I think parts of this song can be directed at his parents, the Batfam, his partner(s). He’s afraid that they’ll leave him and he needs the reassurance. Whether or not he gets it is another matter but kdsjfjkdsah. Really, I think this is all just what he’s thinking, and NOT what he’s saying. He needs the reassurance, yes, but he’s not actually asking for it because he doesn’t know how

Fave Lyric: “Bad at love, no, I’m not good at this”

bellyache by Billie Eilish

When I first added this to his playlist I somehow didn’t realize it was about a murderer but dkjfhkjshjkah whatever I’m keeping it. Let’s just go with this is a song about being fucked up (in whatever sense u wanna take that as) and it’s not happy? But like the first one, it’s upbeat and positive. I think the happy sound hiding the less pretty truth is something that explains Tim a lot. Also its a bop and he might sing along to it

Fave Lyric: “Everything I do / The way I wear my noose / Like a necklace / I wanna make ‘em scared / Like I could be anywhere / Like I’m reckless”

Migraine by Twenty One Pilots

Just Another Song About Tim’s Abysmal Mental Health

Fave Lyric: “Behind my eyelids are islands of violence / My mind ship-wrecked / This is the only land my mind could find / I did not know it was such a violent island / Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions / They’re trying to eat me, blood running down their chin / And I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win / I begin to assemble what weapons I can find / 'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind”

Fake Love by Drake

I hate Drake but kjdsfkjdsfhajh this goes back to a few things. His celebrity and how he’s seen/treated differently by others because of it, his low self view and the paranoia that people aren’t really there for him no matter what the truth might be, how he sees things others wouldn’t, his relationships with people like Damian and Bruce. I think he’s more forgiving than this song would imply, so maybe this is also for that AU Tim I mentioned above???

Fave Lyric: “I’ve been down so long it look like up to me / They look up to me / I got fake people showin’ fake love to me / Straight up to my face, straight up to my face”

Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish

TIMKON TIMKON TIMKON. Post Kon’s death TimKon and Tim is grieving and trying to forget bc it’s so painful!!!!!!

Fave Lyric: “Our love is six feet under / I can’t help but wonder / If our grave was watered by the rain / Would roses bloom? / Could roses bloom / Again?”

Flaws by Bastille

Idek, I feel like this could be how he could view his relationship with Steph, Cass, Damian, Bart, Dick??? Anyone? Just feeling like he hides his flaws and how he feels, and they don’t really (or at least, he thinks they don’t), and he likes that.

Fave Lyric: “There’s a hole in my soul / I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it / There’s a hole in my soul / Can you fill it? Can you fill it?”

do re mi by blackbear

I’m mostly joking when I say this but this is how he feels about Ra’s al Ghul. It doesn’t fit exactly, bc Tim and Ra’s were NOT together ever at any point, but this song is about being annoyed by someone you have a history with and wishing you’d never known them. Which is how I feel Tim should feel about Ra’s. lol

Fave Lyric: “If I could go back to that day we met / I probably would’ve stayed in bed / You wake up everyday and make me feel like I’m incompetent”

Bored by Billie Eilish

I really think this is Tim talking to his parents. Like, when he’s a kid, or when he’s older and looking back, he’s thinking “I did everything I could, it wasn’t enough, and I know it’s not fair but I can’t do anything about it.” I think this song is supposed to be romantic but I’ve never heard it that way skdjfkjsdhakjh I just always think about Tim, home alone and thinking about his parents.

Fave Lyric: “I’m not afraid anymore / What makes you sure you’re all I need? / Forget about it / When you walk out the door and leave me torn / You’re teaching me to live without it / Bored, I’m so bored, I’m so bored, so bored”

Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore

This one is like… everyone else seems to have an easier time being optimistic and positive than Tim does, in his mind. Idk I don’t have much to say kdsjfhsdjkah

Fave Lyric: “Hearts are breaking, wars are raging on / And I have taken my glasses off / You got me nervous / I’m right at the end of my rope / A half-empty girl / Don’t make me laugh, I’ll choke”

King of the Clouds by Panic! At The Disco

This is mostly because it’s a bop and Tim would like it. But also…this is a song about dimensional travel (apparently) and having ambitions that seem lofty, both of which I think Tim can definitely understand!! 

Fave Lyric: “And when I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes / In the backbone of night, I’m combustible / Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep a wink, I’m too tired / This old world, this old world”

[7hyuns]

something new

mark lee x reader 

warnings; smut, the vaguest hints of angst if u squint a lot, degrading kink, rough kink, dom/sub themes, i don’t think protection is mentioned, bondage kink, swearing probably, a lil bit of bad aftercare 

word count: about 12.1k ish 

The room felt almost too hot to breathe in, even while you were uncovered completely and had every inch of your body on display to the drafts of cold night air filtering in from the open window. You wondered if you were allowed to just get up and leave immediately, or if it would be considered rude or even worse, if it would permanently damage his ego. Maybe if it was anyone else, you could have accepted that as a valid worry and let yourself over-analyse it, but it was him: you wouldn’t be able to dent his ego if you hit it with a sledgehammer. You played the conversation out over and over again in your head, thinking about each different direction it could head in, every single little development it could have, and it did nothing but give the effect of a burden against your chest.

You stopped to breathe, still lying there and staring blankly up at the ceiling of his bedroom and took a second to evaluate the situation you’d thrown myself into without thinking twice. It felt a little childish when you really thought about it; trying desperately to recreate a lingering daydream when you already knew the ending didn’t work out in my favour. Or maybe it was entirely normal to feel this empty after sleeping with someone, but that was another thing you wouldn’t know without asking someone else. And you already knew mentioning this to anyone else was off the table for you, and you hoped against logic that what had happened wouldn’t find its way back to any of your friends.

With all of that in mind, you realised that you should probably get out as soon as possible. You sat up, wondering what would happen if you just threw your legs over the side of the bed and made yourself stand up without hesitation, but that idea scared you. What would happen if you fell? Would he tell someone about that detail or leave it out when he recounted this to all of his friends as soon as the sun rose? You adjusted yourself so your legs were hanging off the bed, beginning to test the waters and see how far you could push myself before your body told you it was too tired to deal with this and gave up. You heard the light sound of shifting behind you, and you closed my eyes in a weak prayer that he’d just be turning in his sleep, but you knew it was a shout into the void when you felt his hand land on your hip.

“You leaving already?” He asked, deep voice light and teasing, and you tried as hard as you could to fight the slight flutter of your heart at him wanting me to stay. Ultimately, you failed, but you couldn’t let that stop you from getting away from this before you fell back into your position from earlier. You were pretty confident that whatever that was, it wasn’t fun, and it wasn’t what you wanted from him.

You let out a breathy laugh, more forced than anything, and glanced around the room quickly in an attempt to locate your clothes before you had to stand up and re-dress yourself in front of him. You saw your jeans first, thrown onto the desk chair by his bed, just as his arm wound itself back around your waist as tightly as it had been earlier; then your underwear, dropped right by the foot of the bed, awkwardly hanging off the edge and making you twitch in an urge to grab them straight away, and you felt his plump lips press a misplaced kiss to the back of your neck; your bra and shirt were tossed in a crumpled heap on the floor, and you began to move away from his touch as soon as you worked out an order to your next movements.

He groaned after you pulled myself away, and even as you felt a blush creeping up your neck at the feeling of his heavy eyes watching you, you kept your back turned to him as you rushed to pull every item of clothing back onto your body. “I thought we were gonna watch a movie, though,” he inquired, making something in you bubble in embarrassment. You wondered if this was normal for him, such a daily occurrence that he could just sit through a movie afterwards and not want to ask questions. A small pang of pain made itself prevalent in your stomach, making you close your eyes just as you finished untucking your hair from where it had caught in your shirt. You didn’t want to go, not really, and you really couldn’t stop the butterflies in your stomach at the idea of him wanting you to be something more to him than before. But you could already hear another voice, the same voice you’d had to listen to for years growing up, telling you that you were always too busy grasping for control over him when it was impossible for you to hold onto. The word ‘yes,’ was caught in your throat, almost painful as you tried to swallow the lump forming there.

“I should probably get back home, it’s kinda late.” You reasoned quietly, turning to face him again, seeing him slouched back with his messy hair and pretty eyes, reminding you why you even hurt yourself to upkeep your friendship every day. But that’s what it was – a friendship, nothing more, and if it was anything more, it wasn’t what you wanted. You watched as he nodded, stretching his arms out and not-so-subtly flexing his muscles before he smiled brightly over at you, seemingly unperturbed by everything that had just happened in such a short space of time.

For an extremely brief moment, it almost felt like a real daydream you’d had before; with him looking at you so softly and smiling so perfectly, and a slight buzz of optimism wound its way into your veins. Until he spoke, “Alright,” he paused, his grin turning into something more like a sickening smirk as he continued, “this was fun though, right? We should do it again sometime, babe.”

So, maybe it was normal for it to be like this after you sleep with someone, and maybe it was something you would get used to like everyone else did, but that didn’t stop you from being unable to shake the almost unsatisfied feeling in your stomach. You were sure that couldn’t be it, because the way everyone spoke about it made it sound like it felt so good, but you had barely felt anything over those tense few moments. The only thing you could vividly remember was it being uncomfortable: a pressure that never seemed to go away until it was done.

You nodded, just enough for you to feel as if you were convincing both him and yourself that you would actually want to repeat this. “I’ll, um, see you tomorrow, then.” You finished, turning on your heel and walking into the hallway of his house, hearing him shout a ‘yeah, of course,’ behind you. Only when you shut the door on the dim room behind you did you let yourself breathe in properly, moving your hands up to rub your palms against your sleep-filled eyes. You remembered vaguely that you had makeup on, but you couldn’t bring any of yourself to care through the haze of strange emptiness that had begun to settle itself in your chest.

You stumbled out of his house as quickly as you possibly could, only feeling any type of relief when you finally reached the cold air in its completeness, breathing in and out heavily as you made a few failed attempts at regulating your thinking process. Your house wasn’t far from his, and you managed to stabilise yourself long enough to reach your front door.

///

Your automatic assumption was that Taeyong would be painfully angry that you had stayed out for so long and come home looking like a complete wreck; your makeup smudged on your face, your hair messed up slightly and your previously neat outfit untucked, making it painstakingly obvious that you had re-dressed yourself in a rush. But when you didn’t hear loud footsteps coming toward you as soon as you entered, you questioned his entire reaction, wondering whether or not he would even care that much that you’d been out all day and looked like you’d fallen down a hill.

You wondered through the hallway of your house, glancing into the two rooms on the bottom floor before beginning to walk as slowly and quietly as you possibly could to reach the second floor. Part of you debated calling out to Taeyong, but you imagined that would quite probably make the situation a lot worse, so you decided to keep yourself as silent as possible. When you went to move past his bedroom door, you noticed that it was cracked open slightly, the light on and music playing.

When your curiosity finally got the better of you, you worked up the courage to push the door open, knocking against the wood a couple times just in case. “Taeyong?” You questioned, seeing somebody sat on the bed with a notebook on his lap as he scrawled something onto the paper. It very clearly wasn’t Taeyong, the boy’s hair too plainly coloured and skin a little too tanned. It was even more obvious when he glanced up, eyebrows lifting in inquiry, making you shift slightly on the balls of your feet in nervousness. “Sorry, I didn’t realise he had someone over.” You immediately went to close the door, ignoring the nagging want to ask where Taeyong was.

A slightly bashful smile tugged at his lips, before his expression changed to a much softer one, and you felt yourself calm almost straight away. “It’s fine, he went out to grab something, said he’d be back soon,” he paused, observing you as you tried to be subtle with fawning over his accent, making a deep blush cover your cheeks, “he said you were with a friend, though?”

At the mention of Mike, you almost groaned aloud, fighting the urge to crawl under your duvet and sob until you fell asleep. “Yeah, well, I got tired, so I came home.”

He hummed slightly, looking you up and down before squinting at you with a small grin shaping his lips. “Right,” he let himself grin completely then, looking almost cocky as he took in your appearance. You remembered then what you looked like, making you wish you had avoided coming anywhere near his room in the first place. You wanted to laugh with him about how awkward that situation had very obviously been, but under the circumstances, you could almost cry when you re-evaluated it again.

When you looked down to focus your eyes on the ground completely, he shifted, placing the notebook down and looking toward you. “Are you okay?” He asked, and you made yourself nod right after, swallowing the lump down in your throat before looking back over at him.

“Yeah, I’m just, really tired.” He nodded a little in response, looking completely unconvinced and more than slightly curious. “Do you mind telling Taeyong I’m home and I’ve gone to bed?” You asked cautiously, hoping to switch the conversation topic before you found yourself asking questions you probably didn’t want the answer to.

His lips parted a little as he nodded, making himself smile at you in an attempt to soothe your evident nerves. “Of course.”

You took a minute to work up the nerve to ask him something else before you went to curl yourself up and sleep for as long as you possibly could before you had to face Mike again. “What’s your name?”

Another verging on smug smile placed itself on his features as he spoke again, “I’m Mark, nice to meet you.”

///

Mark was still in the house when you woke up in the morning, and it was clear on Taeyong’s face that Mark must have mentioned something about last night. You knew you were probably going to have to answer a large run of questions from him when you were left alone with one another. While you tried to eat as calmly as possible to distract yourself from how weird you’d felt as soon as  you’d woken up, Taeyong dragged the chair loudly along the floor to sit himself in. He then proceeded to drag it forward, not looking at Mark who was sat simply observing as Taeyong made his presence very well known. “Got any plans today?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at you and waiting for an answer, watching intently as you shook your head, keeping your eyes on your plate. You didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Mark, or even with Taeyong, because not only were you carrying around something that was crushing you emotionally, you’d done something embarrassingly dumb and you didn’t want to explain another one of your regrets to Taeyong.

Your phone went off next to you, a text from Mike that just said, ‘Come watch a movie with me, I miss you x.’ The flutter in your stomach was less noticeable than it had been before, and you almost sighed at how tired you were with this new situation, and it hadn’t even been an entire day yet. Taeyong looked down at your phone, but you could only feel Mark watching your reaction to the text that he could plainly see. “Is that Mike?” He pushed, staring over at you as you muted your phone and shook your head, deciding that you didn’t want to deal with what you were feeling today. For a single second, the tiniest of moments, Taeyong’s expression softened just a little, the cold exterior he was presenting to make you re-think your previous decisions melting away just a little. A phone ringing interrupted whatever he was preparing to say next, and you let yourself catch Mark’s stare, watching as he took in your appearance once again. The observance made you a little self-conscious, so you dropped the eye contact as soon as you had caught it.

You could vaguely hear Taeyong talking to someone on his phone, but you couldn’t focus enough to know what he was saying in the conversation. When he stood up from the table and grabbed at his jacket, making both Mark and you look at him with raised eyebrows. “I’m really sorry Mark, I completely forgot I had plans today.” Mark nodded, responding something about it being fine and he should probably go home anyway, and you shuffled in your seat. No matter how uncomfortable you were about to be in whatever talk you had to have with Taeyong, you didn’t want to carry it around with your for another day without getting someone else’s opinion.

Hearing the front door slamming invaded the room completely, and you stared at your plate before moving to leave the kitchen. Mark watched you as you continued to go about everything normally, but something felt different about the way he was looking at you today. “Do you feel any better today?” His voice seemed relaxed, a lot less timorous than it had been yesterday.

You realised for the first time that he probably knew a lot more about what happened last night than you had even let on to him. “I guess,” You decided to keep it as unattached as possible, hoping he would pick up the conversation so you could ask whatever questions you had bouncing around in your head.

Once again, he hummed in response, parting his lips in thought before he spoke again. He stayed silent for a few seconds, before he stood up and gestured to the living room, and you found yourself following before you could even think about what you were doing for yourself. When you had both sat down and Mark looked more confident, he opened his mouth to talk again, before pausing again and re-thinking his words and then continuing. “I’m gonna make a really big assumption, so correct me if I’m wrong,” he began, watching you the entire time so he could check to see if you looked uncomfortable. “But you had some seriously disappointing sex last night.”

When it was put like that, you couldn’t stop yourself laughing, and if you completely ignored the emotion behind it, it was an easier situation to deal with. But you knew you couldn’t answer that question, because you had nothing else to compare it to. You stopped gradually, watching as he slowed as well, staring at you as if a sign that you should continue, “I don’t know.” You answered simply, shifting in front of his intense gaze.

He raised his eyebrow again, and you felt that same timid feeling creeping back up on you as you struggled to answer his unspoken question. “It’s the only time I’ve ever done anything with anyone, so.” At this, he looked a little taken aback.

“Did you, like, enjoy it at all?” He asked, not moving uncomfortably but clearly not being entirely confident in the conversation.

You stopped yourself from rushing through an answer, thinking about everything that happened last night before responding properly. “It was a little uncomfortable, but it wasn’t horrific. It would’ve been worse if it was anyone else.”

“Anyone else?” He pushed forward.

Your stomach flipped, realising you were going to have to delve into this part of what happened. “Yeah, Mike is…I guess I’ve kinda liked him for a while.”

Mark laughed, although it sounded more like a scoff, and you were almost offended. “You like him enough to have boring sex?” You wondered passingly if that was going to end up being the case, but you didn’t have anything else to work with, realistically.

“No, but, you know. I wouldn’t know how to change that, would I?” You responded, a little uncomfortably, watching as he looked as if was seriously debating it, although he looked almost disappointed.

His eyes didn’t leave yours for a second as he finally answered, “Try out new things, have fun with it.”

You tilted my head at him, “New things?”

“Yeah, look into kinks you wanna try out with someone else.” He said, looking at you intently, watching as you blushed slightly under his un-faltering eye contact.

“What kind do you think I should try?” You asked, wondering if it was a far too personal question to ask someone who you’d only known for a small amount of time.

At this, something in him seemed to click into place, making him look much more commanding than he’d seemed before. “I mean, take it easy at first because you’re still new to this, but – and I hope you don’t think I’m being invasive – Taeyong said you’re a bit of a control freak, so maybe try and let that go.”

A bubble of nerves made itself prevalent in your stomach, and you wondered what else Taeyong could have possibly mentioned. “How would I do that?”

He closed his eyes for a moment, looking briefly affected by my question. “Ask him to be dominant with you,” he took a small pause, looking as if he was testing the waters with something, “I know Mike, I’m sure he’ll know what you mean.”

You tried not to feel as if that was an insult, but you couldn’t see it as anything other than a personal warning. Mark adjusted himself slightly, huffing in an almost annoyed manner before standing up and turning to you, “It’s been really nice meeting you,” he said, picking up his keys and phone from the coffee table in front of you, “good luck with Mike.”

///

You weren’t sure that the word ‘sometime,’ was defined by an exact number of days or weeks, but you hadn’t imagined doing something ‘sometime,’ meant doing something again a couple weeks later. But you supposed everyone had different interpretations of it, and maybe Mike’s idea of it was a shorter span of time than you thought of it. Realistically, it didn’t matter, because it was going to happen anyway, you may as well get it out of the way, so you could stop thinking about it all the time.

And you realised in that moment, with his lips pressed harshly against yours and hands moving all over your body as he pulled at different items of clothing almost too fast, if the freeze-frame moments from movies were real, it would have happened right now for you. You pulled yourself away from his mouth for a moment, moving further back as his mouth chased after yours, “Mike, wait.”

He pulled back so he could fully see your face, but his hands continued their way up into your shirt, immediately going to map over every inch of your skin. “Can we try something out?” You asked, feeling a twinge of awkwardness in your stomach when he cupped your chest in an uncomfortable position.

Judging by the look plastered on his face, you could tell he’d already figured it out, but you wanted to know that you’d had the confidence to say it. “Can you be more, you know, dominant with me?” You asked, repeating what Mark had said almost word for word. 

Thinking of Mark took you out of the moment a little, knowing he’d been lightly teasing you and offering you advice about this for the past couple weeks, however hesitantly. It almost felt as if he was withholding specifics, ignoring Mike’s personality and just saying ‘Well, a good dom would do this.’ The last few weeks hadn’t been too bad, you supposed, and you’d managed to avoid the conversation with Taeyong completely by having Mark communicate the basics of it. Because as much as you loved how supportive Taeyong had been of you since you’d met when you were seven, he got a little overbearing a thousand times over the course of your friendship. Never enough to change anything, though, you accepted, considering there’d been no second thoughts about moving in with him when you got away from your hometown.

The sound of Mike repeating a question bought you back to the moment, although part of you wished it hadn’t and that you’d been allowed to continue thinking of all the times you had spent just being yourself with Taeyong. You already knew whatever you decided to do in these moments wasn’t an active decision on your end, because you were never really yourself when you were with Mike. “Babe?” He questioned, pushing you onto your back to catch your attention, and you felt yourself become fully present again. “I said, how hard do you want me to go?”

The question added to his overly-confident facial expression worried you to the point of considering backing down from the situation ahead of you. “You decide.” You finalised, thinking that Mark had told you to give up trying to control things, and that’s what you should try and do in the moment. You also remembered vaguely that he had told you to not throw yourself into it, and he’d reiterated nearly a thousand times that you would definitely need to come down from it afterwards. Although you chose to ignore this, because you couldn’t see anything bad enough happening to make you feel that bad.

Mike had moved onto kissing down your neck, one of his large hands moving to pin both of yours above your head as he continued his movements. He paused for a moment, moving to grab something from a drawer before placing your hands on the headboard and wrapping a belt so tight around your wrists you wondered vaguely if it would cut off your blood flow and you’d end up losing both hands over a split-second decision. He didn’t ask if they were too tight, and you were too nervous to say anything, so you decided to bear with it.

The next passing few moments were void of anything other than him undressing himself and then you, giving you room to imagine what could be happening if this was done properly. From how Mark had talked about it, it sounded interesting, intriguing enough to get you curious and wondering if you would ever have the opportunity to try it out efficiently with someone. You felt Mike’s hands grab at different bits of your body, but other than that, he seemed to be focusing pretty fully on the element of dominance you’d asked him to show.

When his hand came to tighten itself around your throat, you’d felt something you hadn’t felt last time with him, a genuine excitement for this to continue and go somewhere further. But the second he started pressing down, the excitement just turned to pain and discomfort, the pressure being directly on your throat and cutting off your breathing almost completely. You worried that this wasn’t supposed to happen, that he would end up actually choking you to death, but you didn’t really understand any of this, and Mark had said he could see Mike knowing what he was doing.

By the time he released his grip on your neck you were verging on passing out, your eyes fluttering closed in what he clearly perceived to be pleasure. “It’s disgusting how much you liked that,” he began, moving to accommodate himself between your legs. You knew this had been coming, and you tried to figure out why it didn’t make you feel anything but embarrassed and apprehensive. Mark had said it was supposed to be a mix of humiliating and exciting for the person on the receiving end, and you definitely felt the humiliation, but not in any kind of exciting form.

Your mind kept drifting back to Mark, even as Mike latched his hand to your throat and placed pressure on it again, his other hand going to slap the backs of your thighs and mouth biting down on my stomach and chest. You tried to get into it, tried to think of why it was supposed to be fun, but it just felt, mediocre in comparison to everything Mark had described doing to someone. When Mike’s pace got even more bruising and you still felt next to nothing enjoyable, you found yourself reverting to thinking of Mark in an almost desperate attempt to make yourself feel better.

You tried to picture what you would be feeling if Mark was the one doing this to you instead of Mike, what it would feel like to have his hands wrapped tightly around your throat and his mouth on your chest. You could already tell that Mark knew enough about this kind of thing to know he wouldn’t be choking you half to death like Mike was currently doing. It was strange, being so bored that you changed to simply thinking about the time spent with Mark instead of the years you’d spent around Mike.

All those times Mike and you had gotten so close you were almost kissing, all the things you’d told him while you sat on his lap and had his head in the crook of your neck, every single time his touches had been teetering on the edge of blatant teasing, and now this; lying here on his bed with him above you like you’d always imagined when you’d first started fancying him all those years ago. The feeling of his hands all over you and his lips following in their path was something you had basically chased after for so long, and now that it was actually happening, you were thinking about somebody else.

All the times you’d accidentally gaped at him with a look you could never place while he spoke about activities that were impossibly mundane to him, all the times you’d been hooked onto every single word that tumbled past his lips about things you would’ve considered filthy before. In the moment after, you knew you were probably going to regret your next action, but as much as you tried, you honestly couldn’t stop yourself. “Mark,” you moaned almost obscenely, and then panic tightened itself inside you, more over the fact that you’d done that than that you were genuinely about to pass out from how strong his hold on your throat was.

“Huh?” Mike asked, head pressed against your chest as he continued to leave little nips everywhere.

Panic overtook you as you stuttered through a believable lie. “Mark me,” you said, attempting to recreate the same moan you’d emitted earlier, doing a better job than you could have first seen yourself doing.

At your answer, Mike did nothing but bite down harder, although you didn’t have to put up with it for very much longer. When his hips finally slowed to a stop and he pulled out and away from you, you just wanted to leave, despite the burning pain you were experiencing both mentally and physically. You weren’t completely sure what was hurting most in an emotional sense, losing all feeling for Mike so quick you almost felt ridiculous for pining after him for such a long time in the first place, or the fact that he’d actually hurt your feelings tonight. Or maybe it was the weird headspace you were in, like you couldn’t do anything for yourself and wanted plain instructions to follow. Maybe you were getting delirious from the burning pains in every different part of your body, and you regretted choosing to walk here and not tell anyone but Mark your plans.

The thought of Mark was what finally made you move, the embarrassment of moaning his name instead of Mike’s and the natural impulse to go and find him so he would make you feel better pulling you away from your questions. Part of you hoped uselessly that Mike would do something, literally anything, to help you or at least explain to you what you were feeling. “Can you,” you went to ask, your voice dying in your throat at how sheepish you currently sounded.

Mike got the message, undoing the belt and letting your arms fall back down. As soon as you could, you pulled yourself to sit up, going immediately to your spread around clothes and almost hissing in discontent at the pain in so many different parts of your body you weren’t sure you had time to check them all. Your arm movements felt clumsy and unnatural, the ache falling through them as blood began to circulate properly into them both again. You didn’t even say goodbye to Mike, opting instead to awkwardly wave because you weren’t entirely sure you could use your voice, or even swallow properly anymore.

When you’d finally got out of his house, you followed your usual route home, your body screeching in protest as you walked until you reached your front door, hoping that Taeyong would be out so you could clean yourself up without trying to explain to him. Your mind still felt clouded and weird, and you couldn’t see yourself being able to speak efficiently to anyone, especially not in a way that didn’t make you completely and utterly embarrass yourself.

///

You fought against your aching arms to push the front door open, closing it behind you and the stopping to sit at the kitchen table and curl yourself up for a few moments of peace. You tucked your head into your arms and scrunched your eyes closed as tightly as you possibly could, hoping this would stop the swirling about in your head or the pain in each of your limbs.

You heard a patter of steps come down the stairs, and a scalding discomfiture made itself ultimately prevalent, alongside the heaviness of your mind currently. When you felt a hand lightly brush against your shoulder instead of a voice immediately demanding to know if there was something wrong, you shifted so you could look up. You immediately wondered why Mark was here again, especially since it didn’t seem Taeyong was home, but he quickly quieted you before you had a chance to struggle to ask him anything, “We had classes, he asked me to come back here and wait for him while he did the second one, said you wouldn’t mind.”

You didn’t mind, of course you didn’t, it was even more difficult to avoid Mark if you had even wanted to, considering Taeyong seemed to have decided he liked him enough to continue his attempts at setting you up with people who weren’t Mike. You just nodded, slumping your shoulders forward as you swallowed thickly, wincing as it stung against your bruised throat. “Is everything okay?” Mark asked, moving to touch your hands from where he was stood above you, watching as you pulled your wrist away a little too anxiously for him to drop his pestering. He slowly reached over to cup your covered wrist as he pushed the sleeve of your jumper up enough to see a light bruise forming there. “So, how was Mike?” He questioned, looking like you’d slapped him when he realised you’d gone ahead with his idea.

You realised for the first time in a long time, you didn’t want to even think about Mike at the moment. At least you could definitively say that you tried to make whatever experiences you could class those as with him work, but he was just bad at it. You were sure you couldn’t fix that, and you were fairly certain it was supposed to feel better than that, because Mark made it feel better than that without even touching you.

You shrugged, feeling small under Mark’s glare, and you wished for once he was giving you that look in a different moment. “I don’t know.” You responded, feeling like a petulant child as you struggled to find a reasonable explanation for what had just happened. It was so awfully bad that it almost felt as if it had to be some big joke, but your mind was still slightly too foggy to work through the reasoning behind why Mike still had so many girls thrown all over him when it was over in two minutes.

“Did it feel good?” He pushed, and for a vague moment you had to swallow the need to say that it would have, if he would’ve done it, you could tell it would have. You wondered why he felt the need to ask these questions, if it was to check if he had been right, or if he had some kind of need to prove that Mike was the worst dom in existence. You supposed if he had that need, it would be something you could definitely fulfil.

You shook your head, hoping you could avoid speaking so he wouldn’t hear how choked up you were. Mark sighed, staring at you with a look in his eyes that he’d only ever used before when you’d burnt yourself trying to cook for him. You weren’t sure you liked that look, because it both intimidated you and interested you in something that felt so achingly untouchable: a cross between anger and something smouldering. “What did he use to tie your hands?”

You could stop this conversation at any point, you recognised, knowing you could probably make Mark back down if you told him you didn’t like it, but that would be a lie. You liked having Mark express the same interest in you that you did with him, it was a returned affection that you hadn’t ever been able to grasp before with anyone else, especially not Mike. “A belt.”

He nodded cautiously, chewing his lip lightly in the way he did before he pushed a boundary again. “What did he put on it afterwards?”

At this question, you automatically rose your eyebrows at him, almost in a disbelieving manner at the idea that Mike would care enough to even ask if you felt okay afterwards. You wanted to answer, but your throat hurt and it was clear judging by the way he looked practically disgusted that he understood perfectly.

“He did do some kind of aftercare, though, right?” He asked, completely aware that he was pushing the unspoken but clearly placed boundaries again when you had started speaking so openly about everything he was into and what he thought you should do with someone.

Mark never really talked about aftercare, he just repeated himself multiple times during those conversations that Mike would need to do something so you felt alright afterwards. You supposed it was shame on you for not thinking about it in the slightest, but you refused to accept blame for this, because you hadn’t known what you were expected to do or be afterwards. Again, you responded by shaking your head and staring almost mindlessly at Mark, understanding that you probably looked impossibly dumb in the moment; staring up at him with wide eyes and expecting him to fix everything.

You weren’t sure what was running through his mind, but he obviously had more questions before he did anything else. “He let you walk all the way home afterwards?” You nodded. “Did he ask if you felt alright?” You shook your head. “Do you feel alright?”

You wondered what your response should be; if you told him the truth and said you didn’t, he’d probably think you didn’t like the basis for what Mike and you did, which wasn’t the case; but if you told him you felt fine, you might be stuck in this weird, between headspace for an even longer time. You took a second to look down before shaking your head slightly, hoping he wouldn’t make you talk anymore.

He gently grabbed you to direct you to stand up, pulling you along behind him as if you were made of glass and about to shatter at any moment. You followed him up the stairs, even when your legs protested at the sensation, walking until you reached the bathroom and he sat you down on the closed toilet lid. He moved about for a few moments, leaving you to consider telling him everything that had happened and explaining yourself entirely before he made a set opinion of what he thought happened. When he returned in front of you, he seemed impossibly calm and soothing, rubbing cream onto your wrists and checking to make sure the skin hadn’t split. He looked back to you, observing you enough to make you shuffle in diffidence, “Does anything else hurt?”

Your brain immediately said, ‘He hurt my feelings,’ but you realised before it slipped that it was far too petty of a response to such a kind question. You gestured to your neck, making him move with a gentle haste as he tilted your chin up to better look at the bruise. He repeated the actions he’d used for your wrists on your throat, only this time he handed you a bottle of water and stopped everything until you’d drank a large portion of it. If he asked again, you would probably have to say that was it, because the others you couldn’t see him being able to do much about. What was he supposed to do about there being hickies and bite marks on your chest? Rub cream over them? Even when you didn’t feel fully in charge of yourself, you knew rationally you weren’t too into having that happen just yet.

When he’d finished his ministrations, you waited for him to tell you what to do next, sitting there patiently as you assumed he’d continue with something else. “How about, you know, emotionally?” You were always faintly intrigued to find out if he’d done something like this before, or if he’d done it loads of times, because he seemed a lot less inept with this than he came across when he scrambled to make small talk around other people.  

“My head feels, weird?” You offered, hoping he would take something away from that statement that made some form of logical sense in his mind. He nodded slowly, taking a few seconds to fully think about what he was going to do next, a small crease finding its way onto his forehead as he peered down at you with impossibly softening features, the bathroom light hitting his brown eyes and making them glow ever so slightly.

You felt an overwhelming urge pressed against your chest to tell him about what happened, having him in such a close proximity to you that you could barely breathe didn’t help you push back that impulse. “You know the whole boundary thing between us?” You asked hesitantly, attempting to do the same as he did when he was about to push a barrier down to better suit his needs. His eyes didn’t stray from yours for even a split second as he nodded his head, so slightly that it was barely visible. “I think I broke all of them today.”

He wasn’t struggling to maintain the eye contact, evidently, but he seemed to be finding difficulty in standing completely still and keeping his hands to himself. “What did you do?” He inquired, and you could feel the genuine wonder in his words, because you presumed, it would be a difficult thing to out-rightly guess.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was with Mike,” you studied his stoic expression as you tried to get a reaction, tried to get him to react on an impulsive second of passion. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it would’ve felt if you were doing it to me instead.” You let yourself lean into the hand that was still resting faintly at the base of your throat, feeling a kind of self-assurance you were certain you’d never felt in your entire life. “Because I bet you really do know what you’re doing, right?” You questioned, more sarcastically than anything, because you both knew you could answer that yourself. He was still watching you, but something glinted in his eyes and you could feel whatever invisible boundary he’d tried to place between us – more so for your comfort than his, you imagined – snapped. He was looking at you like you were nothing more than prey, the tender stare he previously had fixed on you gone entirely.

“Did you say my name?” He spoke, and it was like you were finally getting some kind of relief, feeling his arms snake themselves around your waist in a manner you should have flinched away from in intimidation, but instead found yourself curling closer to. You nodded, watching as a smug smile pulled his lips upwards of their own accord, his eyes not leaving yours for a second as he proceeded. “No, use your words.”

Your breath was almost entirely too caught to form any words, but you spat out a quick, “Yes.”

“What lie did you tell him? Was he convinced you weren’t thinking about someone else’s hands on you?” His voice remained absolutely monotone as he spoke, giving away no hints to what he was feeling.

Your brain felt like it was kicking into overdrive, spinning out of control to the point where you almost couldn’t keep up with it. “I,” You were almost wholly forgetting how to speak, looking back into his darkening eyes as he stared you down. “I told him I wanted him to leave marks.”

Mark’s lips parted slightly again, a complacent appearance finding its way onto his features, giving him an overly-cocky air, but in a different way than Mike wore it. “Was he hurt? Did it burn a hole in his ego to know you were thinking about another guy?” His voice was so much more assertive than it had ever gotten with you before. You shook your head, temporarily speechless at how hot the bathroom had started to feel around you.

“He doesn’t know.” All you were able to make yourself do was feed into Mark’s behaviour, to be more open than you’d ever found yourself able to be with anyone before this minute with him.

It was like he couldn’t stop the inflation of his self-importance, and you didn’t sense any want inside of you for him to refrain from it, either. “I promised myself I wouldn’t spell it out for you, but you’re so oblivious it’s painful.” He turned you both to the side, in the direction of the closed door, walking you backwards until your back hit the wood. “You just never realise how good I can make you feel, how much better I can do everything I know you like than he could.” He wasn’t even holding you between him and the door, but you couldn’t find anything inside of you that told you that you could challenge the authority he was quite clearly holding above you.

Taeyong wasn’t good at keeping things to a strict plan, and he wasn’t good at detaching his emotions from situations that needed tough love. But you could never say he wasn’t absolutely right about everything he’d ever summarised from your personality, or that he didn’t know you better than you knew yourself sometimes. Control wasn’t something you would let go of again as quickly as you had for Mike, although the verging on alarm feeling that was making itself known inside your stomach made you doubt your ability to deny any of this. “Then prove it.” You tested, wanting to see how far you could push him when he was acting like this.

He was impossibly close to you; his hot breath fanning against you face, the smell of clean laundry blocking out all of your other rational thoughts. His eyes were heavy, thick and clouded with something you couldn’t see through as he made the space between you grow larger with every step back he took. You couldn’t stop the childish whine that tumbled past your lips as the burn of his touch was replaced with cold air. “You have to wait.” He settled, eyes flitting to the left-over marks from Mike as he pursed his lips in annoyance.

Hearing the front door open loudly and a deep voice announce that he was home, Mark went to pass you, tensing up in irritation when you gripped his forearm in the same manner he had done to you earlier. “I can wait.” You practically hissed, already knowing you were lying straight through your teeth.

At this, Mark laughed, shaking your hold off as if it was the gentlest grip he’d ever felt in his life. “You don’t have any other choice.”

///

After spending a little over a week fussing over your bruises to make them go away as fast as possible, you finally felt confident in them being dull enough that Mark wouldn’t care anymore. While explaining to Taeyong where the marks had come from was a trying task, he moved on when you finally gave in and told him the truth about Mike and everything you’d done with him. For the first time since you could remember, you were finally grateful for his parental lectures, because it really was the final nail in a coffin you should have buried years ago. But the only real thing that made the passing of the week physically painful was the lack of Mark’s presence in your company explicitly. He’d spent nearly every bit of his free time at the house, coming over on the grounds of spending time with Taeyong; watching movies with him while disappearing for bathroom breaks and coming into your room to make small talk and drop in every kind of teasing remark he could think of, ordering food and leaving touches that lingered far too long for them to be considered friendly against any bare skin he could find.

Once the Friday rolled around, you could barely contain my excitement at seeing Mark again, but your plans were thrown out into the night the second Taeyong walked through the front door. It hadn’t slipped your mind that he’d asked if it was okay for him to have friends over, but you hadn’t imagined there would be more than two. Now there were nearly seven different people sat downstairs while you pouted in your room, feeling like a grounded child. When Taeyong called for you to come downstairs, you dragged your feet with every step you took forward, wishing you could just get Mark alone for two seconds. “We’re gonna head out for the night,” He said when you reached the bottom of the stairs, the fabric of the shorter version of your pretty shorts you’d put on specifically to get Mark’s attention making you shift a little in discomfort. “What are your plans tonight?” It was bad to use a question he’d posed to check on you to get your own way, but in the end: what were best friends really for if not that exact thing?

“I might go watch a movie with Mike later.” You tested, more so for Taeyong’s immediate reaction than Mark’s, but you could feel something flip already.

Taeyong rolled his eyes, pouting his bottom lip out in disappointment as he glanced at the clock. “Take a jacket, be safe.” You softened a little, nodding at him as he proceeded to frown and glare at you as he pulled his shoes on, “We still have to talk about it later.”

As they all filed out the door, Mark looked at you like he wanted to say something, before he turned to Taeyong and said, “I think I’m gonna head home, I’m not feeling too good.” You heard Taeyong ask about dropping him off, asking him if he was ill, but it all sounded as if was being said underwater. The feeling coursing through your veins couldn’t really be separated from either panic or exhilaration, but it didn’t feel bad.

Mark took one final glance at you before he slammed the door shut behind him, leaving you stood in the middle of the hallway alone. It was like you were glued to the spot, unable to find the permission you didn’t actually need to move, listening to the cars start and leave. Less than five minutes later, a knock sounded through the house, making you move slowly toward the door, hand gripping the key before turning it. The door swung open as soon as the lock clicked to signal he could walk in, and you found yourself being pushed back by the force of it. He repeated his earlier action of slamming it shut, only this time pausing to spin the key in the lock. When he turned back to you, you tried to see if this was genuine anger or not, but all you could sense was a kind of radiating dominance, the kind he’d spoken about you looking for in someone else.

“Just when I was about to say you’d been so good for me,” he spat, pacing toward you, “You go and act like a slut in front of everyone else.” Your head felt like it was spinning, a small tremble of anticipation moving throughout your whole body. The words that left Mark’s mouth in such a commanding way had made you cringe back to just a week ago, but it seemed different coming from him, like there was something more there. He had a way of leaving you unbearably curious for what his next motion would be, for whatever he decided to do. You could see yourself stepping back, denying his advance just to see what he would do in retaliation, but you were rooted to the spot, even more so when he roughly latched his hands onto both of your wrists, holding you in place. He tilted his head down until you could feel his lips against the shell of your ear, a shiver running down your spine, “You’re only supposed to act like that for me.”

It was unfamiliar, the way you found yourself immediately clambering to find some kind of excuse without even consciously being aware you were doing it. “You’ve been ignoring me, I, I miss you.”

He scoffed, “So, you run off to Mike?”

Something inside of you was boiling, you felt like you were being scolded for something that you could feel yourself rejecting any responsibility for. “At least he’d actually fuck me.” You snapped back at him, instantly feeling your heart speed up in expectation.

Mark seemed sincerely mad, his grip tightening as he shoved you in the direction of the stairs. He didn’t speak, but you knew that he wanted you to walk up them, but with every stair you climbed, his hold seemed to grow even tighter, until it felt almost painful. He continued to direct you in silence, pushing you along in front of him until you got into your bedroom, when he shut the door with as much force as he could muster, a slam bouncing off the walls as he wrapped his arms around you and pushed you up onto the wall. “Say it again.” You rapidly shook your head, not wanting to speak ever again unless you absolutely had to. He groaned in vexation, “Tell me again why you’re running back to Mike.”

You were realising what control really meant in this moment, and you weren’t entirely sure having any type of control like this was what you’d ever wanted. “Because,” you stopped again, losing your train of thought as you remembered how disappointing everything with Mike was. “Because he’d actually fuck me.”

Mark’s hand came to curl around your throat, not applying any pressure but making it direct that he could at any moment if he wanted to. “Could he make you feel good?” He disputed, barely moving an inch as he waited for you to fall down again.

“Can you?” Within milliseconds of the words passing your chapped lips, he had yanked you off the wall and had your back pressed tightly against his chest.

“You should be more worried about whether I let you feel good.” He responded, one of his hands winding its way into your hair and tugging it forcefully. Once he had your head dragged back so he could press his lips over the shell of your ear and drop them down comfortably to the space between your jaw and neck, he began speaking again.

“When we spoke about this, you sounded like such a good girl,” His lips trailed across the expanse of your neck, your hair secured in his grip so it wasn’t creating any sort of block. “But you’re such a little brat.”

There was something about his tone and the words he was using that made you melt, made you want to adhere to everything he wanted. “I didn’t mean to be,” You offered, hoping it would be enough to get you off the hook when you already knew that was impossible.

“No?” He inquired, his mouth pausing against the skin of your neck as he spun you around to face him. You shook my head again, straining to see what his next reaction would be. “Can you prove that for me?”

You tilted your head as much as his iron hold on you would allow, “How?”

His expression changed then, noticing you had completely relinquished any form of control you wrongly assumed you had a hold of. He turned you around again, this time opting to bend you over the foot of my bed for him, making you feel like you were on display for his eyes only. “When I ask questions, you’re supposed to answer.” You went to respond that you understood, but he slammed the palm of his hand down onto your ass, “Don’t make any noise unless I tell you to.” He repeated his previous actions, gaining in roughness as you bit your lip harshly to hold back any noises threatening to spill past your closed mouth. The little stimulation this was providing felt better than anything you’d done with Mike had, and you whined again when his hand slowed to smooth over the red skin. “Listen to me, princess.”

You nodded, not really thinking about it too much, just wanting him to do more. “I don’t know how much of this you’ve done, so you need to tell me if you don’t like anything.”

Somewhere in your mind you knew you couldn’t see that happening, but you wanted to entertain his build up so he’d get to it. “How?” You asked again, it seemed to be turning into the only word you could put into something that sounded coherent.

“If you want me to stop, say red and I will.” It sounded so simple and plain that you didn’t really need to respond with anything other than a nod. The moment of tenderness was short and ended just as quickly as they began. Mark didn’t delay getting back into it, already moving away from you entirely. “On the bed, on your back.”

You practically lurched forward in the fervour of your desperation, doing everything you could so you would finally be able to see his face again. He pulled his white shirt over his head before he moved back over to you, hands attaching themselves to your shorts as he tugged them down in a slightly eager manner, leaving your underwear on as he pulled your shirt up, waiting expectantly for you to accommodate him as he tore it a little in his haste to pull it over your head. He pulled back a second to scan your near-naked body, making you alter your positioning in slight unease. His hands moved collectedly to undo your bra, stopping again to stare as he tossed it across the room somewhere. You felt too bare in front of him, while he was still mainly clothed, but you attempted to focus on not doing something that would break one of his unstated rules. Every one of his actions seemed instinctive, as if his natural reflex was to press your hands above your head while he teased his mouth further down your body.

When he broke the skin on skin contact, you felt a growing need to groan in indignation, causing you to bite down as hard as you possibly could to stop yourself on your bottom lip. He just continued to observe you as he pulled his belt off, tugging his jeans down soon after, a glow of self-assurance hovering around him in a way you hadn’t envisioned as possible when you’d first met him. The only uncertainty you could see in his face was there when he moved to attach your wrists to the headboard with his belt, but when he didn’t hear you make any noise of discontent, he continued. After repeating the same action Mike had not so long ago, you felt the thing you’d been craving every time Mike touched you, the thing that swallowed you with its absence. It was the feeling of knowing nothing but Mark, not caring what happened afterwards, not thinking about anyone else, not being able to separate yourself from what was happening around you. You hoped he felt the same, you hoped he was regarding you in the same way you were with him right in the minute, as his hands curved in the waistband of your underwear, dragging them down your legs at such a slow pace you could have cried right then.

This was when you started to concern yourself with the notion that this could get as inadequate as it was with Mike, that you would be left unsatisfied again after another painstakingly boring five minutes of your life. But you could feel the idea of that happening start to slide away as his hand slid between your legs, pushing every other thought you could even initiate distracting yourself with, away. Vaguely, you remembered that Mike hadn’t done this, even when that hadn’t felt half as fast-paced as this moment with Mark did. It was almost embarrassing how much of a mess you were becoming in front of Mark, especially when he was barely doing anything, skimming his fingertips over where you wanted him. A cold laugh passed through his lips as he examined your thirsting movements, bringing his other hand to press your hips flat down onto the mattress so you couldn’t move of your own accord anymore.

“Mark, please,” You whimpered, trying against rational logic to push harshly against his forearm that kept you steadily held down. If you were anywhere near your right mind, you would have considered the possibility that this was just getting him off more, you would have remembered the innumerable conversations that had you shifting in your seat at the idea of someone treating you like he said he would. It was hard to perceive him as anything other than complex, and you couldn’t find the mental strength to try and look into his reasoning behind his torturous actions, especially when it felt so definitive that he knew what he was doing.

The kind of relief he gave you then was unimaginable, better than anything you’d felt before, and it almost made guilt seep its way into my chest. You tried to remind yourself that you shouldn’t feel guilty, you had nothing to feel like that for, but you were quite literally giving all of yourself to Mark in a way you never even gave Mike a chance with. But the feeling of Mark dipping his head down between your legs made you remember why the circumstances were nothing alike.

Mark didn’t seem to slow himself at all, the pace he had set the second his hands had gripped your wrists in the bathroom that night still being upheld assuredly. Your stomach was turning into knots, tensing up as he didn’t give on his deliberate movements of his mouth and hands, making you tug on the belt fastened to your wrists. You wanted to run my hands through his brown hair, tug on it and grab at the hand that was currently situated across your hips. You wondered if that was still a boundary, or if was just something he was doing for fun, for the both of us.

The tightening in your stomach only got more prevalent, consuming your mind entirely, throwing every thought of anything but the way Mark’s mouth felt against your heat out the window. You knew he could tell, the dominance laced with his unhurried motions told you everything, and you trembled as he stopped after pushing you to every edge he could find. He stayed completely still except for moving his lips to press faint kisses to the flesh of the inside of your thighs, humming slightly in mock confusion when you whined and shuffled around under his grip again. “Did you want something?” He teased, barely glancing up at from where he begun to bite down on you skin, leaving large marks behind. 

With the sensation of his lips and hands no longer burning through your mind, you could feel a vague hint of embarrassment causing a flush to cover your cheeks. “You know what I want,” you complained, feeling him push your hips down cruelly onto the mattress, making you give up and lay there just staring down at him.

“I thought you would’ve realised already,” He spoke, voice holding the same authoritative tone as he’d been using all this time, but it felt thicker now, as if his voice had dropped several pitches since he’d started talking. “You don’t get what you want unless you deserve it.”

Immediately, you tried to think of what you’d done to not deserve everything he had almost given you, considering you hadn’t done anything that bad. “Do I not deserve it?” You questioned lightly, making him groan quietly before he could hold it back.

He adjusted again, hands moving back to teasing you and mouth trailing higher and higher up with every word he spoke. “Not until I’m sure you know I’m the only one who can ever make you feel this good.” He repeated his actions again then, not speaking another word or making much noise at all, making you move about in more desperation, hoping to gain some more of his attention, even if it was all currently placed on you anyway. He paused, cocking his head up at you as he licked his lips, “Stop moving or I’ll have to stop touching you.” You couldn’t even find the confidence to whine after that, chewing on your bottom lip so much you could feel blood begin to drop out after a few moments. When he drove you all the way to the edge and stopped again, you took the momentary clarity he’d allowed you to speak.

“Can I please make noise?” His head all but cracked upwards in your direction, a small noise sounding something between a groan and a hiss passing through his throat. In the less rushed atmosphere, he moved to hover above you, lips so close to yours that it burnt a blush onto your cheeks. His thumb swiped across your bottom lip, wiping away the blood on the surface before he crashed his lips onto yours. The only thing you could think or feel was his lips against yours, the taste of something you’d never had before pouring into your mouth: it was ultimately distracting, disallowing any other thought of Mike to get anywhere near you. His hand had moved to curl around your throat, only this time he pressed down on the sides of your neck so lightly you could almost beg for him to give you something more.

He pulled back, staring at you with a look you already knew you’d never be able to place. He seemed indecisive on whether he wanted to observe you or keep his lips to yours until you were both gasping for air again, but his face remained stoic as he spoke calmly again. “Make as much noise as you need to, angel.” You whimpered at the pet-name, watching as he seemed to grow impossibly more confident as he applied more pressure to your throat. Even as he started and set the pace, you knew you had the option to stop if this got too much, but it had been too much the moment he’d opened his mouth downstairs. He had you entirely wrapped around his finger, ready to throw anything away for him if he told me to. You should have been embarrassed of how loud you were being, but the only coherent thought you had in your mind was a need to repeat his name until nothing else seemed to exist. It wasn’t as if he seemed to mind, his head dropped into the crook of your neck as he bit down on the skin that wasn’t covered by his hand already. “Did he make you feel this good?” You hear him ask, voice slightly strained but otherwise as controlled as it was earlier.

“No,” You stammered, unable to think of anything else you could possibly in this moment.

Mark continued, the pace picking up as it felt bruising in the best way available, “Did you act like a slut for him, too?” He pushed, making you more than a little flustered, moving further into his grip on your throat as you desperately shook your head.

“Because you’d only act like this for me, wouldn’t you?” He wasn’t even asking questions for any reason anymore, he was just waiting and watching the flush on your face turn shades darker in excited humiliation. The nod was a natural instinct, like a lot of what Mark had done tonight, it happened because you knew it was what he wanted. “Why?”

Your mind felt almost too clouded and covered to form words, the knots forming in the pit of your stomach for the third time that night, when you hadn’t felt them ever before. The idea of not being allowed to fall off that edge this time made you let out an involuntary noise of a cross between pain and apprehension. “Only you can make me feel this good,” The hold on your throat loosened a little, as if he thought the choking sound you emitted was because of it being too tight. “It feels so good, Mark, please.” Again, the slight shame of how submissive and messy you sounded for him crept in, but it was completely devoured by the deep groan he released in response.

“It’s okay, let go,” He moaned, hips picking up the pace until everything felt like it had been thrown out of your control entirely. His hold on your throat dropped then, moving to grip your jaw and press your lips back together as you tipped over the edge. It made you understand why it was spoken about so much, why so many people did it regularly, messed with their own emotions for it. You briefly tried to wonder if other people felt so out of control for someone else when they finally reached their high, or if that was just a matter of circumstance, but you felt completely under Mark’s command, like you were nothing but his.

A slightly too painful sensitive feeling was starting to develop when Mark’s hips stuttered to a stop, head dropping back onto your shoulder as he caught his breath. You couldn’t tell how much time had passed before he was pulling out and away from you, making you whine in displeasure, unable to stop yourself the way you had when you were with Mike. You understood that Mark was probably to blame for how out of control and spiralled you felt, how absolutely powerless to stop yourself you were becoming. He was pulling his underwear back on and pressing a soft kiss to your temple, whispering a quick, “I’ll only be a minute.” Before he disappeared from the room.

You still couldn’t do anything but think about Mark and the way he made you feel, because your body was still shaking a little in the aftermath. You weren’t sure if this was a case of Mike being disappointing or Mark just being extremely good anymore, but you honestly couldn’t make yourself care if you wanted to when he re-entered the room. He undid your wrists, making you remember that you should be ashamed of how bare you were in front of him, but he didn’t seem to be bothered as he took both of your wrists into his larger hands. He smothered them both in the cream, turning his head to press it to his shoulder as he yawned, smoothing the cream over your throat and then your thighs. “Turn over for me,” he gently commanded, watching softly as you followed, wincing slightly as the cream made contact with the backs of your thighs. He gave you the water, moving around to the other side of your bed as you drank, slipping himself under the sheets after placing his shirt in front of you. You looked at him for permission before pulling his shirt over your head, liking the way it smelt of him and consumed your body shape entirely.

You flopped back onto your side then, taking to staring at Mark as he stared right back. You thought of all the questions you should ask, all the questions you didn’t ask Mike because you was too scared of the answers. You wondered if you would like any answer Mark gave you, because you were pretty sure you would accept anything he was willing to give you at this point. He reached his hand over to lazily link with yours, and you could feel yourself dropping back from wherever you were earlier. You wanted to ask if he ever dropped back down or if he was always like that, if he was just naturally that type of person. “What do we do now?” You asked dumbly, unsure of whether he would interpret that question the way you wanted him to.

“Sleep,” He groaned, pressing his face into the pillow as he tugged you closer to him, wrapping an arm around your waist sleepily. You fell into silence again, but it wasn’t long before you heard his voice invade it almost insecurely, “That thing between you and Mike, it’s over, right?”

You hadn’t really thought about where you stood with Mike, but you knew you wanted to stand somewhere further with Mark, and you supposed that answered any questions you had about lingering feelings. “If you want it to be.”

He smiled, closing his eyes again and nodding, “I want it to be.”