#but i like talking about AI characters and don't know when i'll get a chance to talk about rhea again so. i wanna file it

[commsroom]

Hello !! Do you have thoughts on Rhea :]

yes, i do!! with the caveat that we have such limited information on lovelace's crew, what we do have is almost entirely filtered through her perspective, and we kinda... know rhea the least. as much as i find eris a fascinating character too, i wish we'd heard more of rhea.

which is kind of the first thing: rhea is the only AI character in wolf 359 who doesn't have a voice. (we don't hear hyperion's voice, which is supposedly not integrated yet, but he's not even really treated like a character in the scene he's in. and that's a whole other thing.) for hera in particular, she feels a physical disconnect from the others, but the fact that wolf 359 is audio only makes her an equal presence from the perspective of the audience. (which carries over to the live show, where the other characters may not be able to see her, but the audience can, etc.) rhea's situation is kind of the opposite, where her words can be seen by the others, but the audience can only hear or infer her words via what the others read out loud or respond to.

rhea clearly cares about her fellow crewmates, and seems to get along with lambert in particular. lovelace's log: "and communications officer lambert is... communications officer lambert. so an enormous stick in the mud. [...] i heard that, rhea. you are expressly forbidden from telling him i said that." - a sentiment it's easy to imagine early minkowski expressing about eiffel and hera, for the opposite reason. in a more direct parallel, rhea reassures lambert that he "does a great job"; in bach to the future, hera tells eiffel he's "actually very good at his job." the difference in context highlights their priorities; eiffel and hera are having a heart to heart about worthiness, while rhea really is talking about lambert's job - work is important to him, and most people around him don't respect or appreciate his work. what we can infer about rhea is that she's... well, the kind of person who would be lambert's friend. straightforward, rule-following, and professional.

(even something like "see, rhea? i told you someone read [my reports to command]" indicates that they talk to each other a fair amount, but also serves as a mirror to eiffel's belief no one listens to his logs.)

maybe the most interesting thing to me about rhea is her defense of eris: "it's just the way they programmed her, back off." ... again, the complete opposite of how hera might respond. eiffel tries to "defend" her in a similar way in ep 7 - "you can't really hold that against her; it's just her programming" - and she finds it incredibly insulting. with all of that taken together, with how lovelace, lambert, and rhea are in many ways intentional opposites to minkowski, eiffel, and hera, it really makes me wonder how rhea identifies or perceives herself.

i think hera is functionally human, both in her singular, consistent image of herself, and in her role in the narrative. eris appears human to lovelace, but is clear that it's how she sees "a version of herself." whether that refers to that iteration of eris having multiple versions of herself, or if it refers to all of the iterations of her who exist: either way it's a reflection of the way eris exists, and her acceptance of that. by extension, the fact that we don't encounter rhea in any way other than beeping sounds and implied words on station monitors... kind of says something narratively, i think. going back to her lack of voice, even that level of distance and abstraction takes her further away from 'human' perceptions by the audience, while she's obviously still a full person with her own priorities, perspectives, and opinions. i think it's very interesting to consider she might prefer her state of (lack of physical) existence in a way hera clearly does not.

[grapecaseschoices]

OC in 15: Kendis Crawford-Louel

rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I was tagged by @deepinifhell and am woefully delayed in getting on this.

Tagging: @thedeadthree @thee-morrigan @nat-seal-well @nightingalesighs @laufire @lusavors @cypresswrites @thelittlestspider @mt07131 @roxaro @quaxorascal @tuomniia @andthatisnotfake @sunshineandviolets @sapphic-story [tagged fifteen peeps! i think! and as always no pressure!]

Most of the dialogue from old rp stuff repurposed for this meme, some from unposted stuff, and a few I made up for this. (As warning: some cussing)

-----

1] However, strangeness of the situation proves that the metal gates aren’t fully down around the castle, because she bites out, bluntly, “No! No. I’m not okay.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t. D-don’t follow that up with another question. I thought we talked about this.”

By ‘we’ and ‘talked’, she meant the time she summarily shut down his last attempt to dig deeper. It should’ve been obvious by now that Kendis didn’t like accepting what they insisted on dishing out.

-

2] "Yook, Kenny, yook!"

"What'm I lookin' at, teeny tyke? --- Well, now. Look at that! Is that me? In fact, I know that's me. That's the second prettiest person in this entire art of prettiness. And is the one right next to me you? It's got to be 'cause that's definitely the prettiest person in this."

"You siwwy, Kenny. Boys not be pretty!"

"Am I? Well, if you're sayin' that's right then I'll consider it. But being silly doesn't mean I'm wrooooong~. Boys can be very pretty, kiddo. People can be whatever they wanna be so long as they're --- kind, yeah? And you're the kindest, prettiest, most talented teeny tyke, I've ever known. Oh, now you're laughin' at me, huh? Well, Ima show you 'bout that teeny brat."

-

3] "Who invented white allosexuals, like for real? Someone return this woman to sender."

-

4] "We're not even four days into a fucking New Year and this shit stain is stinkin' up the place."

-

5] "And I get that it's different things for different people. But I rather lose a place, than lose the people that matter with it."

-

6] "I know you've probs been lied to lately. But you're really not cute."

-

7] "He obvi picked bad pics on purpose, you Italian booger."

-

8] "I'm like Siri. Except better looking, smarter, much louder, and not an AI slave to a hegemonic hell-hole that stole the name of one of the best fruits. Like ever."

-

9] "Um, excuse you. I'm not reckless. What 'bout me screams the self sacrifice type?"

-

10] "Hey. Hey! Look at me! That's it ... slow breaths. I've got you. Do you -- you're okay, slowly ... Do you remember what I told you last week? Just nod. I've got you. I've got ya. You remember this? That's my pinky. We pinky promised -- the biggest and most bindable way to lock in a promise, yeah? And you may not know this about me, but I don't make promises that I can't see through. I said you're gonna be okay. And I mean that. I'm gonna make it happen, okay? I'll -- I'm here now and I'll be there at the end. Prommy, prommy, prommy, prommy, pro -- oh, a laugh, huh? Ha. That's what I like hearing. Leave the worryin' to me, dude."

-

11] "If this human version of a mutated ingrown armpit hair follicle don't get up off my face in the next 10, 9, 8, 7, …."

-

12] “Ow! Fudging snowcaps! That bitch hur –” They stopped mid-yelling but simply began complaining underneath their breath.

-

13] "I'm --," Kendis gestured sharply with their right hand as if orchestrating their feelings or encouraging Morgan to jump in. Not that they gave her much of a chance when they quickly added, "You know."

"You're?" Morgan smirked, "You know? I don't think I do."

"Yes. You do."

"Nah, nothing's ringing a bell."

"Well, that's probably all the brain damage you got from the last fight."

"Right. I remember that. The fight where I got stabbed instead of you."

Kendis' nostrils flare and their jaw clenches so tightly Morgan almost feels a sympathy twinge in her own teeth.

-

14]

“Then why won’t you tell me you love me? Maybe a little reward so I can be brave?”

“‘Cause a face full of kisses wasn’t enough? Wow.”

“Sure,  it was nice but this is a big deal. I think I deserve a bigger reward.”

“Aren’t rewards for after you actually do the stuff?”

“You’re right. How about you say ‘I love you’ just because you do!”

“You look cute when you pout an’ you’re gonna be late.”

“Please, Kendis? We’ve been dating for a while now and … That is – Unless – You don’t.”

“I don’t what?”

“You know you are always avoiding it, saying how you feel about me, and you’ve never come close to saying the words .. and sometimes I’ve wondered … I’ve been very patient the last several months –”

“Then keep on with that.”

“Okay. Okay. Kendis. Do you love me?”

“Can we talk about this later? This ain’t as black an’ white as you’re making it look like.”

“But it is.  It is a very black and white question with a very black and white answer. Do you love me?”

“Austyn. Austyn? Stop that! What’re you doin’?  Don’t. You’re – fuckin’ –”

“These are the notes I wrote you. Look at them. Look how far they reach on your floor. Look!”

“No”

“You never even wrote it back. I kept saying it and writing it and you never gave anything back … B-because … because you don’t.”

“I never gave – We’re not doin’ this right now. Again. Why’re you doin’ this right now? We don’t even have the time to really get into -”

“What is there to get into?  It’s yes or no,  Kendis! If you say that, then it will be all settled.”

“Maybe stop cuttin’ me off an’ let me speak.”

“You cut me off first! And don’t you start raising your voice at me!”

“You started that shit first, yourself! What is with you?”

“Why are you acting like I am overreacting? I’m not! It isn’t wrong to want to know whether or not my best friend is in love with me. It isn’t wrong to know if you really see a future with us together or if you’ve been just tagging along because I’m one of the very few other out girls in school.”

“You called me your best friend.”

“What?” 

“You should know how I feel. You say I don’t give you nothin’ back but that’s a damn lie an’ you know it.”

“Then why don’t you say it? I say it all the time!”

“But are you really meanin’ it?”

“Uh - Wha – EXCUSE ME!?!!” 

“Are you? How can I say those words to someone that's not a sure thing? You talk a lot about a future that ain’t here but what you really got to say for the now.”

“Wow. Asshole.” 

“Takes one.”

“Fine. Don’t love me. I think it’s best if we take some space right now and reconsider our priorities.”

“Austyn. I didn’t mean – Austyn this is silly.”’

“Is it?”

“Why're we even doin’ this right now? What about the formal?” 

“Don’t call me unless I call you.”

“Austyn!”

“Don’t.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

“Apparently not even in the next few months, asshole.”

-

15]

Kendis narrowed her eyes but forced herself to take a deep breath, “You. Bumped into. Me!” Honestly, that was a generous and kind assessment. If Kendis had been human, she doubted she would’ve been able to stand with only a headache and a bad mood to show for it.

“Yeah, because you slowed down when you weren’t supposed to! I was keeping pace with you, speeding by the way, and then allva sudden –”

“I know you’re not blaming me for any of this, let alone your speeding, you Stranger Things reject.”

“Excuse me?”

Kendis felt that anger again – no, they could almost taste it. It was just wafting off the air from the shifter in front of them. It was churning up their stomach like sick, this anger that wasn’t their rage.

It was restless, like her’s was, but was also too hard, too cold.

Not right, not right. The warning blared in Kendis’ gut. Something was off and they needed to leave.

“Don’t!” They warned when the person reached out to grab at them, clearly making Kendis ready to skedaddle. The sharp yell struck out like a roll of thunder, loud and final enough to make this person hesitate, before Kendis’ voice dropped into a growl, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” [x]

[annbourbon]

My head is getting crazier apparently lol cause I have a huge idea about how to connect Mysme AND The Ssum. Hear me out!

Ah right~ ⚠️Spoiler Alert⚠️

Timeline:

Zen: It is said during Teo route that we dated Zen sometime ago.

So Zen was our first boyfriend according to this tl. Probably will not remember us because of the Reset Theory. It does have some flaws. I admit. Because of his dreams, be might as well remember us. But what if he doesn't remember us at the very beginning? Like, what if by the time he remembers we're already in another route so he doesn't always gets the chance to be with us unless we're in his route?

In some routes like Jumin he does say to have a dream about a cage (in a call) and tried his best to warn us. Not to mention that he's always dreaming about something happening to us as MC basically the day after we enter a route. Which would obviously leads into this theory that he does remembers but only when it's too late so he instead chooses to let us be happy. TBH I feel like he's also trapped. In a different way but, he is.

Teo:

200 Days

During this route it is said that we do not know who Harry is. Right? But Jaehee, Mint Eye and even Elizabeth the 3rd are making their appearances every now and then. The cult it's say to be around but it's barely starting so that's why we see them trying to reclute some people. I guess we can say even Rika had a hard time starting. And that it's difficult to start lol sometimes we have the opportunity to make fun of it. But they tried to have Teo in their lines. And apparently some other characters.

June:

400 days?

We start strong now cause thanks to June, we meet more of Jumin's world. And we even have some pics with Rika and V. Please take into account that what I've been saying it's only without playing his route yet. I have at most one or maybe 2 weeks of game in his route. But I saw a lot of spoilers and people saying that the timeline is ruined or stuff so in a way I wanted to talk about my theory since some interactions are really interesting there, and I feel we as players have another look onto it.

It's quite obvious Jumin hasn't reach his peak years yet but there are already a lot of people calling him a promise~ nothing but the best for him. Why then he doesn't mentioned to us his brother? I have 2 theories. The most simple one is June is a difficult topic to touch considering South Korea approach to people who are different, crazy or out of norm. Like, just having a wheel chair or a baby sets you aside. Let's not talk about being always sick or mentally ill, much less neurodivergency. They don't fit and they are treated as nothing. And maybe MC is not gonna talk bad about his brother, but there was a lot of drama in every route, please take into account that even though we play the game (Mystic Messenger) there might be even more content we are unaware of. If anything, it's great to have more of this world. (I don't approve what Cheritz is doing about AI and as a company, but that is that and this is this~)

My other theory is that June died. Dark. I know, but it's not unexpected if we see his health issues.

Henri: I swear I had the whole thing planned on and I even had how many days approximately he would have but beats me. I lost the paper where I wrote my timeline. Anyways~ we now have someone who knows Jumin and doesn't like him because he doesn't know him. Anyways it is said that his route begins after June's first season. I took the time to see everything, date included and it does match! Besides, Jumin gets Elizabeth the 3rd during his route. There are some discrepancies but I'm working around them. I'll show you as soon as I can get my notes back♡

The Angel: Despite what it is said and the picture (yeah, thx spoilers TT)

I don't believe for one second that that guy is the Angel. Like, it doesn't fit at all cause we don't have interaction with anyone outside the chat. So I believe there's only one answer~

It just not that, but we also begin to get closer and closer to Mystic Messenger Events. Yes, I believe it's the same MC. We don't date the angel. But we do have a close encounter with them (as far as I know) Maybe it's here were the Bad Ending of Another Route takes place? (The one with MC reporting the incident to the police)

Harry: 271 days?

After that close encounter, we meet Harry. We know him when he's quitting his career. He's also going to MOM but I really need to understand that part. I have yet to finish his route.

And then a couple of months pass by, we have Ray kidnapping MC via playing a game lol and we go with Mysme Timeline.

I also have my suspicions with how Harry's parents were pretty much involved in laundering money through art. Keep in mind that MC is close to Harry and knows the whole thing. That puts her in danger. Harry's parents do seem the kind of people that make others disappear if you're in the way. And MC seems to have been meddling in a lot if things. Plus, V father is also art related.

Actually, art seems to be a theme in both games. Which is one of the reasons I had to come back to all that since inside the community there are a lot of things like gossips, secrets and stories. Anyway, back to V's father, and V of course~ this connects them with:

Anyways the whole thing makes me think that MC is either way younger than the characters in The Ssum. Or she did time travelled. After all the spaceship is there. And there's a couple of choices you can come with where it implies that MC is indeed a fime traveller. I had some notes where I used the calendar to make sure the timeline fit but I lost them lololol so I'll update this as soon as I can with those notes and the rest of my theory♡ it's a promise!

[whatthefishh]

hellur! can i request a muslim!reader fanfic with jake lockley in which they get their nikkah done -🐛

Merry, Happy III

I won't say I talked directly to Jake Lockley for this drabble but I talked to the closest thing to Jake Lockley... which was his character ai. And he promised me everything, so.

Disclaimer: this is a cute, fluffy drabble about a muslim!reader and Jake Lockley after getting married. I would really rather not receive negative comments regarding religious rulings on this topic, and I don't want to offend anybody, so for that reason, they're keeping their original faith and making it work for them. Purely for our silly and wholesome enjoyments ♥

Warnings: possible cringe. soft and sappy. don't read if you vomit at cuteness. One somewhat sexual joke. Kabool is just the word for agreement that people say during their Islamic marriage (nikkah) ceremony, and it is said 3 times from each party.

"Kabool."

"Kabool."

"Kabool."

The officiator said a few more words aaaand - that's it. You were married.

The ceremony was relatively small, intimate, and mostly your close family and friends. Only your immediate family and best friend knew about Jake's condition, and only you knew about the three of them taking turns to front to say their I do's (Kabool), that way, each of them had a chance to say it and mean it.

You were jittery and excited and nervous and nauseated all at once, the maelstrom of feelings in your gut causing your hands to shake from where you were seated next to him. One of his hands came to rest on top of yours where you were bunching up the fabric of your dress atop your thigh, the satin wrinkling under your grip. Your hand immediately relaxed under the weight of his bigger one, the warmth seeping into your bones and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

Time seemed to blur, the faces of your family congratulating the two of you blending together until finally, you had a moment alone with your husband. God, it felt so weird to say that.

"Mi amor? You okay?" so he had noticed your silence. It wasn't that you weren't okay, it was that you were more than okay. You'd been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever, and to finally be here, with the most handsome and wonderful man you had ever met and be able to call him your husband in front of everyone?

"I'm more than okay, I'm just... I guess I'm in shock! I'm also, like, really sleep deprived, baby, I had to wake up so early to get ready," you laughed.

"I've said it to you before, but I'll say it again, amor. You look beautiful. I promise you nothing but love for the rest of our lives," his eyes were soft as he looked deep into your eyes. "I can't wait to make you so happy that all your friends are jealous."

"They already are jealous, look at you! Are you freaking kidding me? Can't believe I'm your wife."

Jake only laughed in response, holding your face in his hands before leaning in and whispering, "my wife, mmm. I like the sound of that."

You couldn't deny it, you really liked the sound of that coming from his mouth.

"Again."

"My wife. Want me to shout it, too?" he laughed.

"No, but maybe later," you winked when he bellowed a deep laugh, pulling you close to kiss you softly.

"You're perfect, you know that?"

Oh God, you two were going to be insufferable to anyone who had the displeasure of being around you for the next little while. And nothing made you giddier than the thought of Jake being publicly soft for you.

"Yeah, I think you might've mentioned it."

[weenwrites]

Howdy Ween🤠! How goes it? Enjoying the warmer weather I hope! (Edit: Starting writing this in my notes a while ago so I am personally sick of the warm weather now but if you like it then I hope that you're enjoying it! ☀️

I was hoping to request something with a human who enjoys building explosives, doing experiments with different chemicals put into fire: whether they are really productive or not remains to be seen. They don't do it in the base or around the kids for safety so probably out in all that dessert somewhere. Maybe they talk about them or record them for show. When they hear about Wheeljack from Bulkhead & Miko they're excited to meet him but they're nervous of new people. But they still wanna show him there stuff ya know? Bonus points, if you also think it'd be funny and it fits if not you don't have to, if it makes so much of a ruckus since they probably wanna impress Wheeljack that Agent Fowler calls in his traditional Agent Fowler fashion? "PRIME! What is going on down there!?"

I would like the story format but is headcannons works better for you that's fine. If decide you wanna write this, thanks in advance Ween!

(P.S.-I know this is really wordy but I promise when I send in a request it's 50% the story I describe & 50% vibes. It doesn't have to be exactly how I described it😅.)

Summary - Wheeljack and Miko go check out some explosives. Characters - Wheeljack Content - Gen Category - Scenarios Trigger Warnings - None

✎ A/N: I don't mind it if requests are wordy! There's always a chance that what you include in fics may help me come up with more ideas on how to write it.

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

They were expecting Miko to show up once the rest of the team were called to assist them with the explosives. It was to be expected after all, Miko without explosives and action wouldn't be like her at all. Though part of them was beyond ecstatic to hear a familiar revving engine and see what looked to be the italian-flag racing towards them in the distance—later turning out to be Wheeljack—they forced all that excitement behind a calm and friendly demeanor once he skidded to a halt in front of them.

”Wheeljack!“ They exclaimed as he reconfigured himself into his rootmode, ”and Miko, too!“ they add as the respective girl stepped out from behind him. ”Thanks for showing up, but there isn't anything for the two of you to do. The team's finished loading all those explosives down there in the quarry, and I just have to do a bit of work on my end to ensure that things run smoothly.”

“That's fine, we came here to watch the show anyway.“ She explained.

”By all means, go right ahead—actually, Miko I'll need you to put these on real quick," and quickly, she was passed a pair of earmuffs and goggles before Y/N turned to the bot next to her. "Ooh, I don't think I have any earmuffs or protective goggles that are your size, Wheeljack." They chuckled.

"Don't worry 'bout me," he flicked his hand, "I've handled my fair share of loud noises before."

"Oh, right, right… You're out on the field alot…" They mumble, taking a clipboard from the trunk of their car, "I'll be detonating the explosives soon, so you won't have to wait long."

With a nod, he placed a hand on his knee and bent lower to look at the crates of supplies off to the side. A few particular crates had caught his attention with the bright yellow warning labels pasted all over the sides.

"What's this over here?" He asked.

Without batting an eye, Y/N responded: "Nondescript explosive materials."

"Gee, really?" Wheeljack deadpanned, "Couldn't tell."

They lowered the board and sighed, "Sorry, I'd rather not tell what it is—not while Miko's around anyway,—“

“Hey!”

”—I could get into a lot of legal trouble if you guys went around making explosives and setting them off without an ATF permit." They pause, "Assuming you guys would rat me out to the police, anyway…"

"D'you really take us for those kinds of people?" He chuckled.

“Just you guys? Specifically? No. Fowler? Absolutely.”

"Could you at least show us how it works?" Miko offered.

With a sigh, Y/N reluctantly continued, "I… Guess it wouldn't hurt as long as you can't get your hands on the specific chemicals themselves—and as long as you don't rat me out, my permit's at stake here..."

"Our lips are sealed." Wheeljack offered, even miming a zipping motion across his mouth.

With a hum, they shuffled past Miko, and over towards Wheeljack beside the crates. And there, they began sifting through some of the bags of chemicals, each plastered with big blocks of small, black text that either detailed warnings or the bag's contents. Curiously, the two had peered over Y/N's shoulder to try and make heads or tails of what they were doing.

"I just need a little bit of this nondescript powder, and if I ignite this tiny speck right here…"

The powder gave a loud very audible pop, leaving a small, black, smoking speck on the cardboard.

"And that's how it's going to go. Except… On a much larger scale. There's about 30 pounds of this stuff all the waaaay over there, each of them in a little water gel sack capsule, spread out across the supposed entrance of the mine."

"30 pounds?" Wheeljack blinked, "doesn't seem like much, and the mine's entrance is pretty deep."

"To you it might not, but just you wait." They smirked, "Appearances can be deceiving… But the explosives aren’t meant to reach the energon in the mine, it’s just supposed to pave the way to the energon since we don't have access to any larger pieces of mining equipment."

"Oh right, you're just loosening the rubble, yeah?"

"Yeah, and then you and the rest of the team will move in to clear it out, and depending on how it looks from there, I may have to plant some more explosives."

"Ya know that some energon veins can be deep-rooted into the soil, so if this mine is as big as everybody makes it out to be, you might have to adjust how many explosives to use and deep they go."

"Ok, ok, I gotcha... Say, you wouldn't be interested in helping me with these explosives, would you?" They offer, "I could really use your expertise."

"Sure thing, don't see why not." he nodded.

"Great! Now, is everyone ready?"

"Yeah, fire in the hole!" Miko exclaimed.

Y/N nodded and with the simple click of a button, a ground-shaking boom had errupted from the quarry with a mushroom cloud sprouting into the sky to boot. Gradually, the quaking had ceased and as the cloud was barely beginning to clear, Y/N turned to the two with a haughty grin.

"Whatever you mixed up has a pretty impressive blast radius despite the quantity," Wheeljack whistled.

"Oh, the quantity has nothing to do with the explosion, it's actually the concentration of the material that affects the scale of the explosive itself." They explained. "A little goes a long way, as they say."

"I see, mind if I take a closer look? I think if I run out of explosive cores for my grenades, I bet could make something like this work…"

"Well, so long as Fowler won't be on my back for this, then no, I don't mind—it's called ANFO, it's packaged in water gel since it's soluble in water. It's not as sensitive as dynamite but—hey—please be careful!"

"Yeah, don't worry 'bout it chief… Now what's this ANFO stuff made from exactly…?“ Haphazardly, he shoved the lid off the crate, ”A bit of… What's this now?"

"I-I told you to be careful!" They screeched, "If the powder gets between your joints, the friction could cause it to ignite!”

“Right, right… Human things aren't that sturdy…”

[archivalofsins]

Hello!! I know it might be too early to talk about this but i wanted to know: what are your cover song predictions for the prisoners in trial 3?

It's never too early! I say as I answer this late so it really can't be too early now.

I was actually thinking about how cool it would be for the Milgram characters to cover the Musicians songs from Caligula Effect 2 because I'm in too deep now. So, this is the perfect chance. Too bad there are only eight musicians but right now my thoughts on that are-

Apologies for the late answer by the way.

Yuno: Alter Garden

"It all comes crashing down without a single sound. Vanishing in cold blood leaving nothing behind and when I think back on it. I just feel like a total fool for ever giving my love to you."/ "The day will come when these words of mine will no longer reach you either."/ "If you're not able to show me the light then don't give me anything at all. If the things I come to trust in can start to crumble so easily. Then I won't let anyone in anymore."

"“UNDER” My cord’s being pulled but nothing’s ever enough Contractual desires, oh what to do, FUTURE."/ "“UNDER” I feel the emptiness inside me. We agreed to seek each other, I wish we could do something about it, Future."

"Just the two of us, I feel a little tingle inside. Our love links us together. Just me alone, the warmth starts fading away. Let’s reload the warmth." - "Let’s just do it, please smile? Hooked up till the morning to this sweet “Umbilical Cable”. Let’s just do it, please smile?"

When I think back on it I just feel like a total fool for ever giving my love to you- And yet despite it all, somewhere deep inside my head, somewhere deep inside my heart I keep on crying out. But see though these feelings show only through tears. They aren't out of sorrow I just want you take these words to heart.

Though if we're talking about trial three I hope Yuno kind of gets a sad song- But at the same time.

Rabbit Hole or Poison Apple would be really good to hear her sing.

Though if Mahiru isn't lost it'd be interesting to see her get Rabbit Hole instead. Though it'd be interesting for Mahiru to get Status Effect Girlfriend. Basically, most songs I can think of for Yuno would be good for Mahiru too. Oh but no one has gotten Dilemma so that could be a good one for Yuno as well.

Yeah, thinking about it now Dilemma may actually fit best. For her given what I think is going on plus I'd just enjoy hearing her sing it. Speaking of Mahiru-

Mahiru: Q-Ai Senorita

"Say you love me! Say you love me! C'mon! Give me even more! Get stained! Get stained. Sate this greedy heart of mine. The words "I love you" alone can't tie me down. Embrace me tight with your- Embrace me tight with your- Embrace me tight with your genuine love."/ "Outside my head, true love, love. Inside my head, through with grief, grief. Outside my head, true love, love. Inside my head, through with grief, grief. Ravenous swelling emotions- Desperately seeking love, love. Dismay and disgust for birthdays. Impatient awareness of my self-styled "Prime"."/ "Tidy, conservative, humble? Oh, please! I nearly trashed it all. See, look! I'll chase after my bliss now. Oh, the pain. The pain. My stomach pangs."/ "This, right here, is how I truly am!"

"”UNDER” I don’t just want to give. Both giving and receiving are good things."" “UNDER” I don’t wanna just give. Giving and taking, this is how to be in love."

"I’m going to start relying on you if you’re kind to me, so please forgive me, thanks!"

(Fun fact in this interaction I chose are you alright not that's enough Kobato. Apparently, I am an outlier in this since literally every fucking let's player on earth apparently including the video, I got these screenshots from chose the that's enough response. Star jokingly made fun of me because if you do that you turn away from Kobato and just look at QP immediately to check on her. So, Star just said "You- 'Is this dude bothering you queen'." And the phrase and framing of my actions by them has lived in my head rent free since.)

Mostly using this because it gives a bit of context to Mahiru's statement about relying on people who have been nice to her or have shown her even a bit of human decency. Through using QP's response to the protagonist doing this. Like intervening was simply the right course of action in this scenario but QP falls in love with you because of this. Like let this sink in-

She falls in love with and views you rescuing her as doing what she said in her song embracing her with genuine love. The fuck is your reality like ma'am where your first response to being ran up on was to cower beneath your own arms and brace yourself and upon one person going hey now, we don't do this part here. We don't jump people after we've beaten them in combat and have never done that calm down. "Oh my gosh you rescued me from being assaulted directly after I said that guys anger was a red flag to me and indicative of a domestic violence case waiting to happen. I think I love you."

QP you shouldn't that is like the bare minimum of human decency what type of fucking people have you been around. If I didn't intervene, I would not only be a shit person but a bad friend who let's their friend do shit like that. That's not okay. Like this is the minimum to me what do you mean you're in love with me? What have your relationships been like before this? This is concerning but also fuck it we ball I guess... Are we gonna talk about this again because this is concerning. No hospital- Oh, okay.

Hopefully I don't learn anything about her songs lyrics that calls into question this sequence of events more-

See, look! I'll keep pursuing my paradise now. Oh, the pain. Pain! Damage: High! Say you love me! Say you love me! C'mon! Give me every bit you can! Touch me! Touch me! Fill the void in this heart of mine! The words "I love you" alone can't satisfy me- Embrace me tight with your genuine love.

"Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let’s just overheat together!" "If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart. I pretended to be a good girl, but really, I don't want to say "I'm ok"." "I pretended to be a good girl, I don’t want to be “ok”." "The things that I only want to say to you, and the things that I want from you is love."

"It’s ok for everyone else but not for me. Unfair and stuck between in love and love." "This adorable, earnest, sincere ♥ Is bleeding, wailing, this is the end- What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”." "This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you”. My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care!"

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE-

This, right here, is how I truly am!/ Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?

When it comes to her trial three cover song it's more than likely going to be Zombies considering the imagery in "I love you" and how the lyrics of Zombies would complement and add onto what we were given from her second trial song. Specifically-

I Love You: "This adorable, earnest, sincere ♥." "Mon-mon-monstrously in love in love. Mon-mon-monstrous, cuz I love you so much!"

Zombies: I'm transforming~ ♡♡♡ I luv you half-decomposed isn't bad. Why don't you too? I luv you, a secret between you and me. If we both just transform~♡♡♡♡

This Is How To Be In Love With You: "Let’s just overheat together!"

"I don’t need anyone else, as long as I have you I could do anything as long as you smiled, I actually believed that."

Zombies: If we just love each other- I luv you, you're the only one.

I Love You: "My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight- Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right?!"

Zombies: I can't hear the thump, thump anymore. Our bodies are cold even when we hug. Oh well! If we transform, we transform!

"That’s inconvenient? I don’t care!"

Still would be interesting if she got Status Effect Girlfriend.

Back to Caligula Effect though- The next prisoner I've thrown into the musician microwave is Kazui.

Kazui: Swap Out

"Borrowed Satisfaction! Set it free, let your charms out. Everything you touch is filled with aspiration. Grant this clever TRICK-STAR the hope of rebirth. I wanna tell my past self, "Hey, dear boy I know you can reach the stars, real boy I know you're someone special.". Snatch up a pinch of envy as a substitute for self-love my signature ingredient from here on out."/ "Most things are no problem at all! That's right so let's keep dancing as we are."/ "I'll draw you in and guide you to them. So, c'mon take a look."

I know nothing's changed one bit. We're unshakeable professionals at deflection. The fraud on the otherside keeps growing rich in wit. Even if we went back it's all the same. So c'mon, take a look. Borrowed Satisfaction! What an ingenious world- Bet it comes from being so superficial. In the end we all get the short end of the stick. So, I've added to the epilogue- "Hey, dear boy you could've reached the stars, real boy I want to believe you're special."

"“UNDER” I keep on seeing dreams I am always indecisive, I can’t be saved."- "“UNDER” I just keep on dreaming half in, half out, I’m doomed."

"Where did I go wrong, probably from the beginning."- "All this time till now has hurt me, the scales of my heart has decided to sway If continuing to hide is called unhappiness, Not even one word will get to you." "Feelings shrouded in lies will float away and disappear."

"Since when have I ignored my feelings? It’s better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself." "INNOCENT, isn’t that right? Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true... like It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?" "Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit." "Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade."

Time and time again we lose sight of ourselves until we've circled right back around. Maybe our promises were too shakey. There's just no way to find out.

Lie, until it gets better.

Nope no singular way to find out what's up with that. Not a fucking one moving on. So, this is going to sound weird because early last year I said this was more than likely going to be a Shidou cover but that was before cat released showcasing very similar imagery to that in this recently released Deco song.

Really upping the chance of Kazui's third trial cover song being Poison Apple in my opinion. The lyrics of the song would accompany Cat well and would add more depth to Kazui. While keeping the energy of his previous cover songs.

Sadly, I'm getting fatigued. So, I'm not going to go into much depth these next parts. There are some prisoners that I want the trial three songs to be a surprise for. So I haven't put too much thought into it.

Mikoto (briefly)

I like to try to guess Mikoto's for fun but selfishly I still really want him to get Pseudo Hope Syndrome because i really like that song. Though Not A Devil may fit him on a surface level reading but I want to try to dive deeper there. Especially since his second mv didn't focus as much on his work as I expected it to. We still haven't even seen where he works at but apparently his job is what incited him to do the things he did. Kind of weird it's like he's just shifting blame where it's easiest and it's not just his job that was an issue but his entire life as his first glitched voiceline implies.

Just saying we see Amane's abuse but we haven't even seen this man at work yet that's a tad odd. Other than that. I personally think Pseudo Hope would add more depth to his character as well as wrap everything together neatly. Though I'll have to look it over again later with Double and see if my opinion on it has changed.

Mu

For Mu this may be obvious but Cinderella both her songs literally show her being in a coocon and starting over again from scratch only oming out when she feels safe enough too.

Her second song displays this more overtly while After Pain does it in a more subjective way. It would also fit with her last cover being MKDR.

Also,

"So irritating! Hello to the unfortunate me. I'm confused, hate it, hate it." "Getting angry, annoying, annoying- No, no, no! I want to say "I love you" when I'm cuter! AHH- No, no, no- It's not ok! I'll go back to a cocoon and try again!"

After Pain: "Postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret~ The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

"Hey, um... Nevermind, forget about it. I've never been able to say what I want to say. I can't stop my eyes from diverting self-hatred again."

After Pain: "Maybe I’m done. Just one more time before saying goodbye. I’m just kidding, please forget I said that." "If I was gone, if I had just disappeared- I overheard, I found out How much I’m not needed."

Hello to the unfortunate me!/ I am always the drama queen.

So irritating! These shoes don't fit me! Getting angry, annoying, annoying- The bell is ringing, I'm covered in ash I don't want to go home yet. To the XX course. I want to try to dive into it.

The first time for Cinderela! So scared and dizzying, dizzying-

Ahhh- No, no, no I'm really not ok./ Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl?

Don't hate me.

The rest I want to kind of be pleassant surprises. So I haven't really been thinking about like I said before. Though I might think about some of the others at later dates. I really enjoy going in with as little guesses as possible for certain characters. Like Futa, Haruka, and Shidou. I still want to investigate Amane more later when I'm feeling well enough to and I do have a lot of Kotoko thoughts but I don't know if I have enough interest to interrogate what she'll cover next yet or not.

With the other three I just really like getting carried away for the ride and not thinking to much about what they'll get beforehand.

[drawsdenfiles]

I don't use tumblr a lot, but i check your blog all the time now and I wanted to ask what your process is for desiging Butcher's characters?

Aw, thank you for your question! I have way too much to say about this, here we go.

I started drawing them just based on how I imagined them while listening to the audio series, but lately I've tried putting more effort into actually reading Butcher's descriptions. It's his series, man, it's important to me that the characters look like the characters. ♥ Also, putting in that extra effort gives you a better chance at achieving a design other readers might've imagined too. ♥

After reading the descriptions, I'll try to incorporate more personal stuff into each character based on their personality, actions, and/or whatever, like, team they're associated with. For example, Lasciel's a Fallen Angel, right, so I've been giving her a pretty, albeit shattered, halo lately. Namshiel, too, has a broken halo in the form of some curved horns and floaty, magical gemstones. This part's really, really fun and an awesome creative exercise.

Next thing is to not settle on a design until it feels right. It's an amazing feeling and you'll know it when it hits you. I can't tell you how long I thought about Kincaid's design and how hard it was for me to see him as a blonde. I don't know why! Kincaid took a super long time and I also ended up looking for outside inspiration- I've been playing the Witcher 3 a lot lately and you can totally see that guy in the Kincaid drawings I made recently. Always keep playing around with stuff. It's so fun. Dresden Files is the first book series I've actually gotten really into- seriously, I'm not much of a reader at all, but Butcher's descriptions of characters and scenes give you so much to work with. Aaaand, while I have you... If you're looking for some art-related advice-- studying anatomy/photo books and redrawing the pictures in them have helped me out a whole bunch. I spent hours and hours studying/sketching the shape of the collar bone back when I was in middle school. Really look into proportions too. An oil painting class I took in community college has REALLY helped me appreciate colors and shapes- I've never oil painted before and maybe the supplies can be expensive, but God, it's so worth it, man. My teacher was, and continues to be, a master. OH- and a color theory class too! It was kind of tedious, but I can see color in a totally different way than I used to before. These classes are your tools, man, whether you do traditional or digital art. Did any of that make any sense?? Thank you for your question! I love talking about art- I think it may be difficult for a lot of people, especially nowadays with the introduction of AI, but nothing beats creating something all by yourself, whether it's writing or drawing, etc. Putting in the work and getting that good feeling- it's super cool.

[yanderes-galore]

Oh please! A yandere master chief would mean a lot to me!

- Halo anon!

Alright! I'm pulling from the Games and the Books, not the Paramount + Series. If this isn't accurate to the character, which it may not, I apologize. John can be hard to write sometimes due to his... well... background. This is also a general look at Chief, so it talks about both Blue Team, Cortana, and Covenant due to this not taking place anywhere specific.

Spoilers for HALO and the books a little (Mostly Fall of Reach)

Yandere! Master Chief (John-117) Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Yandere-like behavior, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Blood mention, Murder, Violence, Manipulation, Mentioned jealousy in a line.

- Master Chief, also known as John-117, is someone who always strives to win.

- He always gets his missions done and survives the impossible.

- Even to the point of risking himself to protect what he stands for, keeping his word despite how dangerous a promise may seem.

- There's a good chance that John won't understand what he feels towards you fully.

- During the SPARTAN project he had undergone drastic changes and mind altering procedures.

- Strong emotions such as love, let alone obsession, are foreign to the super soldier.

- How you meet the legendary hero could be through a couple ways.

- Some I'll focus on is if you were a civilian who was saved by him and joined a later SPARTAN program.

- That or you were in a SPARTAN program already and worked alongside him.

- Don't expect John to fully act normal when it comes to these feelings he has towards you.

- He can experience compassion, something he usually saves for around Blue Team.

- It's just with you it's slightly overwhelming.

- This leads to him feeling he has to protect you... but not quite understanding why.

- John would be Protective for the most part in his obsession, although Obsessive over your said protection fits too.

- He also comes off as unintentionally Controlling, being a leader at heart.

- John cares for you like he cares for Blue Team at first.

- If you work alongside him, he feels it is his duty to see you live through it.

- Affectionate is something John can't be.

- That was drilled out of him since he was young.

- Although he does hold care towards you.

- At first this legendary soldier expresses his care towards you through small gestures.

- Compliments, light pats on the back, concern for your safety...

- He knows how to keep things under wraps.

- "You do well in combat, not many can do what you do."

- Because John is so close to you, Blue Team naturally shows some sort of care towards you.

- Someone else who'd care for you since John does would be Cortana, before going rampant, of course.

- It makes the AI happy to know someone else is also looking out for John.

- Everything is fine and tame for the most part with John.

- But, the spartan can feel rage when pushed to it.

- Such as if you get hurt by a Covenant troop, John doesn't let them off easily.

- His armor would be covered in their blood before he meets up with you to treat your wounds.

- The spartan never shows it, but he feels fear about your well-being.

- Which leads to his sense of compassion and care towards you getting dark.

- He's dedicated to his mission, but if you're there, it quickly becomes how he can keep you alive.

- If you're a spartan sent along with Blue Team, John is ordering them to help keep you out of danger.

- It's clear to many that John would do anything for you.

- If anything were to happen to you then he'd be sure someone pays for it.

- It isn't scary to you if he takes out his rage and fears on Covenant or other enemies.

- It scares you when he starts to attempt it on humans.

- You and Blue Team/Cortana are quick to try and put a stop to his behavior.

- Sure, everyone gets a little angry, including him.

- Yet John is so intimidating.

- If a Marine was thinking of flirting with you, they're met with the terrifying sight of you trying to push back on John who's glaring at them with unseen fury.

- John is very dedicated to those he cares about.

- Kidnapping would never cross his mind when it comes to you.

- Manipulation and murder? Fair game.

- So what if he comes up to you, splattered in all sorts of blood?

- Is it anything new between the two of you?

- He's just protecting humanity, protecting YOU because he 'loves' you, isn't that all his behavior means?

- "No matter what happens, I'll be sure to keep you safe, alive, and right here with me. I keep my promises."

[clericofshadows]

your name means traitor

Description: Regis boards the Normandy SR-2, makes his stance on Cerberus clear to the crew--new and old--and learns some information about his resurrection. He also reads through the dossiers and finally gets a little bit of good news in his trapped situation.

Pairing: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani (past)

Rating: M

Notes: Regis is one angry bastard in this fic, and honestly, he's like that through the entirety of ME2. So, he's not the most pleasant person in this fic, and targets many different characters in his anger.

Context: Regis talks about his dogtags a lot in this fic. for extra context, check out these fics: late night conversations and you got me in a chokehold.

Cerberus revived the Butcher, so they were going to get the Butcher, his fangs bared and talons sharpened.  

Because the Butcher doesn't play nice when he feels threatened, and Cerberus is about to find out exactly how ruthless he could be. How relentless he can be in his rage.  How far he will go to never bow down. 

Even if it meant dying in such a way that there's no coming back next time. 

Regis will give them exactly what they deserve.  Losing his humanity in the process is just a price he's willing to pay. 

Because Kaidan isn't here to bring him back from the brink. 

He sneered at Lawson once they made it to the CIC, after she and Taylor got him up to speed at all the new features on the Normandy. "This is my goddamn ship, and no one else's.  Get ready for my announcement.  And we'll see if their loyalties truly lie with me. Because if they don't?  I'll welcome them to the airlock."

"Acting like this isn't going to make the situation better.  You should want all the allies you can get,” Lawson said.

Regis laughed sharply. "Then you don't know me at all. You wanted Commander Shepard?  Well, you're also getting the Butcher of Torfan. Should've thought of that before you wielded your scalpel." He pushed back with a bit of biotic power, causing her to stumble and stepped up on the pedestal to the galaxy map. 

EDI was the only thing on this ship he was willing to work with, if only because he was so fascinated by AI. Cerberus likely knew that and was going to exploit it, but he couldn't deny the allure. 

"EDI, open the comms for an announcement."

"Go ahead, Commander."

He cleared his throat. "I will make this clear only once. I am Commander Shepard, you will all refer to me as such. This is my ship. Not Cerberus's, not Lawson's, mine. If you have a problem with that, you are welcome to leave.  I was brought here against my will, and being here is against everything I stand for as a Spectre and as a soldier to the Alliance. I find all of you to be the scum of the Earth, of the fucking galaxy, for choosing this as your ultimate path. I am here for one job only, and that is to deal with this threat any way possible. And if that means tearing down your organization in the process and turning myself and all of you into the Alliance the moment I get a chance?  I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat." He crossed his arms, observing the looks of all the crew members in the CIC, seeing varied expressions. Some angry, some wide-eyed with fear.  The Yeoman next to him almost seemed to shudder when his gaze landed on her. 

He knew he looked inhuman. The red eyes, the deep scars laced with cybernetics, unexpected side effects of whatever they did to bring him back.

He is the result of what happens when you play God. 

"I fought and killed members of your organization two years ago for your heinous crimes you committed against your own species.  Experiments with Rachni, Thresher Maws, and assassination plans against Alliance brass. Don't think I'll discriminate if I think any of you are a threat to me.  This is my mission, and I will carry it out as I see fit. You've bastardized my memory and my ship, and I'll be damned if I don't ensure you all know how far I'm willing to go to get what I want.  Again, you have a problem?  Get the fuck off my ship. Return to your duties.  I don't want to see anyone slacking off.  With me here, this is a military operation, not some civilian private sector bullshit."  He stepped down from the galaxy map and nearly made it to the elevator, but the Yeoman next to him stopped him. 

"Commander, I--"

He cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. I can handle my own communications and messages. Don't make me upload a hack to ensure you can't get your claws in my shit. Stick to your galaxy map monitoring duties, and we won't have any problems."

"I was just going to say I'm here if you want to talk. I'm Kelly Chambers."

"Talk?" He scoffed. "I'm not talking to anyone who's Cerberus. Why the hell would I ever think you would respect confidentiality?"

Regis didn't wait for a reply. She seemed to shrink in on herself, clearly not anticipating his response. 

In another life, he would've felt guilty. 

No more. 

Cerberus ensured that Regis Shepard would never be the same man ever again. 

Lawson joined him on the elevator before it closed. "You should know that no one is going to leave."

He pressed the button for the third deck. "I didn't expect anything different. I wanted them to know my feelings on the matter. I'm an open book like that."

"Even towards your old crew?"

He raised an eyebrow. "They're now Cerberus crew, aren't they?  Joining for me doesn't change anything." 

The elevator doors opened. They stepped off. 

"After I make my rounds on the ship, we're going to have a long talk about my resurrection, Lawson. If you really want me to be a part of this mission without turning in this ship to the Alliance, then maybe you should be forthcoming with the details," Regis said, crossing his arms. 

He fully planned on going straight to the Citadel to talk to Anderson, but something told him that meeting will probably not end in his favor.  Time will tell, but Regis wasn't going to be optimistic. 

None of his meetings with Anderson has ever really ended "well" in his opinion.

"I think you deserve to know that much," she admitted. 

A far cry from her "cold bitch" attitude back on the station.  Regis almost wanted to loosen up a bit. 

Nothing about her behavior seemed like an act at this point.  She genuinely wanted to work with him. 

It's a shame he doesn't want to give her the same courtesy. 

"Then I hope whatever you tell me is the complete truth." Regis ended the conversation by heading towards the medbay. 

Whatever she told him was likely never going to be the full truth, but he had to know. 

He had to know what they did to him.  

Next, Chakwas...

Two members of his crew decided Cerberus was a good idea, and he couldn't fathom why. 

He didn't deserve that level of die-hard loyalty. If he did, he did something wrong.  After everything they saw, all the reports he made, they still joined the organization that willingly hunted down Alliance soldiers and brass. 

The doors to the medbay slid open.  Chakwas was sitting at her desk. "Shepard." She stood up.  "It's good to see you alive after everything."

Regis chose to not take the hand she offered. "I would say the same, but I'd rather not consider my situation good in any way whatsoever."

She sighed. "Then it's about Cerberus."

"Why did you think joining them was in any way a good idea?  After everything we saw?" Regis asked, crossing his arms. 

"After the Normandy was lost, everyone was reassigned.  I was stationed at a medical center on Mars. A respectable position, but not a starship," she explained. 

Regis narrowed his eyes. "So you threw everything away for a starship position?"

"I'm working for you, Shepard. Not Cerberus. A mission that could be crucial for our survival," she said, not rising to his bait. "I trust your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you."

Regis shook his head, sitting down on one of the beds. "And can you verify with one-hundred percent certainty that you're dealing with me, and not some Cerberus puppet?  How do you know that Cerberus won't do something to me or to you or to anyone we care for to get what they want?  They don't give a single damn about humans, they just care about themselves and their image."

She stared down at him. "I’d say your anger is proof enough.  Everything changed after your death. I chose the option that will help all of us. Don't tell me you would rather have some Cerberus doctor taking care of you?"

"Well, the person who resurrected me is across the damn hall.  You tell me."

"I've been looking into what they did to bring you back," she admitted. "But most of it I don't have access to."

"I made a deal with Lawson. She's going to tell me everything. I'll make sure you get access."

"Do you trust that she'll tell you everything?"

Regis laughed. "Hell no. For her sake I hope she does.  If I find out something out in the field that she could've told me?  It's not going to end well for her."

"You've changed since the Normandy."

"Well, I'm a medical abomination trapped in the claws of a terrorist organization. They wanted Commander Shepard?  They're getting the man that ordered the Torfan decision." Regis stood up from the bed. "Let me know if you need anything."

She nodded. "Before you go, there might be a way to remove those scars."

Regis caught his reflection in the window. Angry red lines cracked across his face. Glowing red pupils blending in with his own altered red irises. 

"No. Let them see what they did to me."

"I'll be here if you change your mind, but I know with your experience, we might be able to make something good out of it instead of removing it outright."

Hell, she has a point.  With his cybernetics background, he could probably channel the glow into something else.  Something less cracked and scarred and more of an aesthetic choice. 

Something to decide later. 

Chakwas was always a steady presence.  All the anger he had about her joining up mostly dissipated with her attitude about the matter.  She let him be angry, and she let him treat her like he would treat any other Cerberus operative. 

He still can't feel like he can fully trust her. 

There's no way in hell Cerberus won't exploit his allies. 

He explored the ship some more, learning all its new nooks and crannies, barely acknowledging the Cerberus crew that now wandered the halls of his ship. 

He's not here to make friends.  

His quarters were the worst part of the tour. The glass window above his bed, showing the dark expanse of space, taunted him. 

They knew how he died. 

They knew what became his grave. 

He slammed his hand on the shutters, willing it to close faster. 

His locker was filled with his favorite clothing. Turtlenecks, long coats, dark fatigues, boots and jeans. He tossed the Cerberus branded stuff into a corner, vowing to compact the trash in the lower decks later.

The familiarity caused him to shudder.  They knew everything about him, but some things hit too close to home. 

The photo on his desk nearly made him sick. 

It was of Regis and Kaidan clothed in their armors, but instead of them wearing their usual scarves--Regis’s black and red, Kaidan’s blue and white--they were swapped.  Their foreheads were touching, a calm moment before the drop down to Illos. 

Tali was the one who took the photo, sharing it amongst the ground crew.  None of them would've given up the picture.  Kaidan, Ashley, Tali, Wrex, T'Soni. 

Unless Cerberus recovered his omnitool, which was unlikely. The one in the armor locker back on the station was a piece of shit base model.  And the one sitting on his desk was an updated version of his favored Logic Arrest. 

Which meant they also didn't recover his dog tags, if they were nowhere to be found in his cabin.

That loss almost hit the hardest.  That damn ring. 

I should've just given it to Kaidan.  Fuck fairytale proposals. 

Regis turned the photo away from him.  He rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the nausea. 

Maybe diving into those dossiers would be a good idea right now.  Something to distract him. 

As he reached over to turn on his terminal, he received a ping on his omnitool. 

A comm request from Joker. 

“Got a minute, Commander?” Joker asked, after Regis accepted his comm request.  Sitting at his desk, staring at the empty fish tank—what an ostentatious piece of shit—wondering what decision he made got him here on this fucking ship.

Accepting the Normandy, of course.  He should have never acquiesced to Anderson’s and the Alliance’s demands.  He could’ve been happy at Rio, enjoying his time with the N recruits, finding more ways to advocate for better training regimens for biotics.

He wondered if anything ever came from his suggestions. New N programs, new ways to train biotics recruits, new accelerated ways for biotics to gain ground in the Alliance… without him to speak up, who would?

But knowing what he knows now?  Knowing that Kaidan would have likely been the one to suffer the beacon’s visions if he didn’t push him away?

Regis wasn’t too sure if he liked the thought of that outcome either, especially without being by his side.

“Come on up,” Regis replied, shutting down the link after responding.  

This conversation is not going to be a good one.

A few minutes later, a knock sounded on his door.  With a wave of his omnitool, he allowed Joker to come inside.

“They really tricked out the place, huh.  Swanky crib you got here,” Joker commented, walking over to the couch.

“I think it’s utter bullshit,” Regis said, getting up from the desk to lean against the dumb fish tank.  “Another way to think that I’m in a better place or some kind of manipulative crap.  I hate it.”

“You know, you could really lighten up a bit.  I think you’ve already scared half the crew to death with that announcement of yours.  Especially Chambers.” Joker said with a laugh, but quickly stopped after seeing the dark look on Regis’s face.  “Uh, sorry.”

“It’s because I don’t want to be here, Joker.  Did you really think I was going to accept having a nosy green yeoman getting all up in my business at the CIC?” Regis asked.  “Chambers is just one more way to report on every little move I make to the Illusive Man.  She should be happy I haven’t decided to strand her with nothing when we get to the Citadel.”

“What’s next, you kick me off the ship?” Joker asked, crossing his arms.  When Regis didn’t immediately respond, he held up his arms in surrender.  “Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.”

“What is this really about?” Regis asked.  “As you can see, I’m really not in the mood, so spit it out.”

“Do you blame me for what happened?” Joker asked in a startling amount of seriousness.

Regis tilted his head to the side.  “Do you blame yourself?  Is that why you joined Cerberus?”

“Just answer my question, Shepard!” He balled his hands into fists.

“Fine.  The only thing I blame you for is joining Cerberus.  I don’t give a single fuck about how you supposedly did it for me, and thinking they were any kind of answer to your current problems was a betrayal to me and all the victims of their experiments that we discovered.  Be happy we’re even having this conversation.  You did what you thought was right back on my ship, but then again, you thought joining Cerbreus was a good idea.  I don’t know if I can even trust your future judgment,” Regis said, staring Joker down.  

Perhaps he was being too harsh, but at this point, Regis didn’t care.  

It doesn’t matter that Joker was with him on the Normandy.  Regis was never close with the man, never meshing well with his attitude and sense of humor. They butted heads more often than not, especially about matters surrounding the ship. 

"If we're ever in a situation where it's you or the ship, choose yourself.  I know you're a talented pilot, but I also know you can recognize when it's gone FUBAR.  Abandon ship the moment you can while also keeping the crew safe." Regis said to him early on their Saren mission.   "My piloting skills will be the only thing that saves our asses if we end up in that kind of situation. I'm the pilot. You trust my judgment." "I grew up learning how to pilot shuttles and ships, Moreau. I grew up hearing similar disaster situations on all the ships my mother served on. This is an order.  You listen to my disaster plans, and we won't have a problem."

Joker opened his mouth to reply, his expression twisting with anger, but Regis beat him to it. "I know you remember that argument we had about what to do if we have to abandon ship.  I've run all the scenarios in my head, and guess what, I remember everything that happened up to the moment I died suffocating in space.  Maybe what you did saved more of the crew. Maybe what you did was the right thing. But we will never know, and you have to live with the fact that you defied my orders when you could've saved yourself."

"You're right, we will never know, but it doesn't matter, does it? We're here now, but you aren't going to thank anyone for the chance you've been given," Joker replied. "You're acting like a fucking child. How is that helpful to any of us?  I'm sure if Alenko was here you'll be getting on your knees for his oh-so-great decision.  And you would be besties with Williams if she was here too!"

Regis kept his face neutral, but if another biotic was in the room with him, they would feel his field about to roar to life.  "Moreau," he said, "get the fuck out of my quarters."

"You aren't denying it!  Regis Lucian Shepard, Butcher of Torfan and a hypocrite."

Regis activated his omnitool to open the doors remotely. He raised his voice, his field roaring to life in a bright violet glow.  Moreau flinched back. 

"I said, get the fuck out of my quarters!  And for your information, Kaidan and Ashley would've never joined Cerberus because they were there for every goddamn mission we did unearthing their crimes.  I'd be treating them the same way I'm treating everyone on this fucking ship if they did sacrifice their morals to be here." Regis shouted. "Sure, I can excuse your bullshit jokes, but you've crossed the fucking line. You see that picture over there.” He pointed at the photo frame on the desk.  “You remember that picture being taken?”

He nodded, swallowing.

“And that’s why I’m so fucking angry.  That’s why I would rather space myself again than be on this ship.  But I can’t do that, now can I?  Because Lawson and Cerberus will just bring me right back again, except this time, with a new way to control me!” 

Regis let his biotics rest, leaving only a faint glow around this body, his eyes rimmed with deep purple. 

Moreau silently stood up and walked over to the door. "I joined Cerberus for you and only you," he said, standing next to the elevator. 

If that was his way of apologizing, he was doing a shit job of it. 

"I wouldn't call that loyalty by any stretch of the imagination.  It shows you didn't know me," Regis replied.  He sat back down at his desk, his back turned to the door.

He was done with this conversation. 

The doors opened and closed with a soft sound, and Regis let out a deep breath. 

Leaning back in his chair, Regis ran his hand down his face. Fuck. 

That's a bridge that will never be rebuilt anytime soon.  He crossed the line when he went there about his relationship with Kaidan. 

Regis wasn't about to apologize anytime soon either. 

His gaze went back to the photo. 

He should contact him, and he should log in to his personal server and send a message. But that photo made him pause. 

Cerberus knows what Kaidan is to him, and if they found out about communications between them?

Regis wasn't willing to put Kaidan in danger, even if it means Kaidan finds out about his resurrection from another source. 

The Alliance knows, likely thanks to footage from Freedom's progress.  The Citadel and Council will know the moment he steps through security, if they don’t already.  

But all they will see is Regis walking out of a ship emblazoned with Cerberus colors, and it made him sick. 

The terminal sitting in front of him pinged with a new message. This time from Lawson. 

Whenever you're ready, come to my office. We'll talk there.

He should start working on those dossiers, but the knowledge of his resurrection was far more important to him than this mission. 

He sent a short reply. "I'm coming down now."

– –

He sat down at Lawson's desk. "Send me the files first." He ordered, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his legs. 

"Surely you want to hear about it first?" She asked, but made a move on her terminal all the same. 

"The files are more important to me. I'm not some dumb Jarhead.  I'll be able to understand the documents just fine," he replied. "Surely you know about my degrees?"

"Yes.  Cybernetics and biotic implants.  Research into VI. And yet you joined the Alliance, doing none of those things," she commented.  His omnitool pinged with the transfer. "There."

Regis was working to use those credentials with his biotic program, curating research and evidence to make training better, both standard and N style. 

Very few cared about the plight of human biotics.  But Regis wanted to make a difference, no matter how small it was. 

His L2 implant ensured he had to care. 

He glanced at them, scanning them with one of his programs, looking for any malicious code.  Nothing obvious came up, but he'll break them down later. 

He nodded, confirming the status of the files. "Now, tell me everything."

She outlined the details of his resurrection, starting with the status of his body.  

"When we received your corpse, we immediately got to work designing cybernetic implants to repair your skeleton, to regenerate and reconstruct your skin, and to begin reconstructing your organ systems. I'm afraid Taylor put it in a crude way, but 'meat and tubes' was an unfortunate descriptor of your situation," she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk. 

Regis wasn't shocked at the news. He kept his expression blank. "And the state of my armor?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, pausing with a confused expression on her face. "Why does that matter?"

"You've reconstructed me damn near perfectly, even down to my damn scars, piercings, and tattoos. Hell, I kept expecting to see some fucked line work on my flowers and chest tats especially.  What I do care about is what personal effects I lost. My omnitool with my last will and rites, among other things, and my Alliance dog tags," Regis explained, barely refraining from rolling his eyes.  

"It was in such a sad state.  We retrieved nothing of yours that was intact," she said. 

Regis raised an eyebrow. "Really?  I know the hard suits aren't perfect, and I died in one spectacular fashion.  But you didn't retrieve anything of the sort?  Who handled my body?  Who got it to you in the first place?"

"You don't care at all about what we did to you.  All you care about is what you lost," she said, narrowing her eyes. 

True.  The documents were enough for him.  Keeps him from wanting to biotically blast her across the room for defying his right to death. 

For defying his right to be buried with his father. 

"You’re right.  I don't really give a fuck about all the sordid details.  That's what those files are for.  No, I care about what has been done to me. And that includes everything that was on my person when I died," Regis spat. "So I’ll ask again, and this time, I'll make it really clear.  Who. Handled. My. Body."

Her face remained blank. "Would it really change anything?  We received a corpse with charred armor that has long since been destroyed.  You are proof enough that we cared to bring you back as you were, even your L2 implants were kept the same."

Regis leaned back in the chair. "Maybe not, but I cared a lot about those things.  Don't you think there's a goddamn reason why I keep pressing you on it?  Clearly you're not an idiot if you were able to do the impossible.  I want names, Lawson."

"You think you were looted before we were able to officially recover you?" She asked. 

"Was I?" He fired back. "I wouldn't be surprised if I was.  I'm Commander Shepard, hero of the goddamn Citadel,  Butcher of Torfan, and the First Human Spectre.  I'm a fucking celebrity.  Or else why would you have revived me?  I'm important."

She pursed her lips.  “The Illusive Man believes in your visions.  He saw you as the key to helping humanity.”

“Ah, so his wants are greater than mine?  Who gives a fuck about one man’s feelings when he can save us all?  Nice phrasing there, really shows who you care about,” Regis mocked.

“I’m merely repeating his reasons for us creating the Lazarus project in the first place.  I was under orders.”

“And here I thought Cerberus wasn’t a military organization.  No, you just wanted to prove you could defy all known laws and resurrect a long dead man,” Regis said.  “Stop trying to convince myself that what you all did to me was out of some duty because you care.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but Regis cut her off.  “Honestly, whatever you’re going to say is going to piss me off more.  Just give me the fucking names of who brought me in.”

“It must be so exhausting being so angry,” she said.  “Eventually, you’ll have to learn to work with us.  Or are you going to run in and recruit everyone for this mission on your own?”

He has half a mind to do exactly that. Surely, she knew about his service history. Solo missions in between his stint as a trainer for the N program and other biotics.

Despite being a biotic, he was one hell of an infiltrator, able to reign in his field to a point where it was very difficult for other biotics to sense him. A high level of control to make sure you almost never intersect with anyone else's field. He made sure that Kaidan knew how to do it as well, the one thing Regis considered himself better at biotically.

Regis chuckled without mirth.  “Exhausting?  No.  You brought back Regis Shepard.  You’re getting exactly who you wanted.  Why, did you think I’ll be getting on my knees, praising Cerberus for bringing me back?  Stop trying to portray yourselves as the misunderstood good guys who are only trying to help humanity.”

“If what you say is true, those were likely splinter groups.  Cerberus operates in separate cells," she said.  “And for your information, I thought this whole project was a waste of precious resources, but the Illusive Man wanted you alive.”

Interesting.  Doesn’t quite change his opinion of her, but he respected her some for even admitting that.

Still, she kept digging her heels in whenever he tried to tell her off Cerberus's deeds during the Saren mission. 

Regis couldn't fathom why.  They clearly knew a lot about him.  They must've gotten their hands on his mission reports. 

Cerberus was an active threat then, and now, Regis was more than a little worried about their obvious scope. 

“And I’m sure you had objections for how he wanted me alive.  Let me guess: You wanted a way to control me,” Regis observed.  

“Yes, I wanted to put a control chip in you, but the Illusive Man wanted you exactly as you were,” she admitted.  

She almost seemed to brace herself for something, the way she moved her hands off her desk and leaned back.

Regis didn’t give her the satisfaction.   Even if he wanted to give her a taste of what he felt while he was dying in space.

He wasn’t looking forward to getting some sleep as his nightmare became true two years ago.

Yet it feels like it happened yesterday all the same.

"Well, at least you admitted it to me," Regis said, watching as she slowly let her guard down.  "But it proves that I was right and still right to not trust you or anyone else on this ship, if you were willing to go that far to use me for your gains."

"And you are proving to me that I was right to have those concerns for our well-being," she fired back. 

Regis smirked. There's that fire he was waiting for. "Sounds like quite the sore spot.  What do you want me to say, really?  Oh, I'm so sorry you lost the right to control another human being.  Boo-fucking-hoo."

She narrowed her eyes. "This conversation is leading nowhere.  You're wasting your own time."

"I don't consider this a waste of my time at all," Regis said, reveling in the fact that he was likely waiting her time. "But, since you haven't rescinded your offer of information, let's go back to that Cerberus cell comment you made.  You're saying you keep your projects isolated?"

She cleared her throat. "If it keeps you here, I'll answer your questions.  Yes, each project is its own cell.  I was part of the Lazarus Cell.  And so, the cell that recovered you is not something I'm privy to.  Even if it was, Cerberus changes the location and status of some of its operatives all the time," she said. "I can't help you."

Regis frowned. "Fine. But perhaps it is a good thing, because I’d have to pause your little mission to hunt them down and take what you didn’t retrieve for me.  I don’t believe my personal effects were so easily lost.”

Before she could reply, Regis held up his omnitool. "I'm going to read over the files. Make yourself available for questions. And if there's anything about my resurrection that you didn't tell me, no matter how fucking small or innocuous it might seem, don't think I won't take it lying down."

She looked him in the eyes.  “You have my word, even if to you that might mean nothing."

Regis stood up. "You're absolutely right, your word means shit to me.”

He walked out of her office without hearing her response. 

The trek back to his quarters was short, but it still gave him time to think about what he learned. 

Perhaps he should have spent more time listening to her account right at that moment.  

But finding out who handled his body will be his ultimate goal on this mission. 

Regis wanted them to burn for desecrating his memory and for keeping him hostage away from his family. 

As he sat back down at his desk, he had a feeling she wasn't telling him everything. Why would she?  And yet, what does she have to gain by keeping whoever handled his body to himself?

Who is she protecting?  Or maybe she sees it as a way of keeping him from getting distracted.  He made it clear what he wanted out of that conversation. 

Something he'll try to press on later. 

It's unlikely he'll actually make good on his threats, but for all intents and purposes, none of the Cerberus crew on this ship really knew who he was, only going off of reports and vids and whatever else they were able to find on him.

They don't know the man behind the titles. and he was going to use that to his advantage.

He opened up the dossiers list, looking through the people Cerberus wanted him to recruit. 

A master thief by the name of Kasumi Goto, who is waiting for him at the Citadel.  Stealth, infiltration, and hacking–all skills of his that he values in others.  

He looked forward to hearing how she ended up in this mess. 

A salarian scientist by the name of Mordin Solus, who was also with the STG. Cerberus is even recruiting aliens?  Must be desperate, knowing their stance. 

A convict by the name of Jack, who is supposedly the most powerful human biotic. A criminal, by the looks of things.  He wondered why Cerberus needed someone like her, someone likely unstable and worked for only herself.  

He'd have to see how his abilities compared to hers.  He and Kaidan were often known by the Alliance as their most powerful biotics. What makes her different?  He wanted to know.

A warlock by the name of Dr. Okeer.  A krogan scientist.  Another alien.  Regis raised an eyebrow, remembering a few conversations he had with Wrex.  A rarity.  

No wonder Cerberus wanted someone like him. 

He doubted that Okeer and Solus would get along. 

Next, someone by the name of Archangel.  Regis rolled his eyes at the name, but the dossier itself was suspiciously blank compared to the others.  No real name and a vague location.  

Finally, the one titled "The Veteran."

Regis opened it and blinked once he saw the name, making sure he read it correctly. 

Zaeed Massani, hired by Cerberus. 

He couldn't help but laugh at the note that said how expensive his services were. 

Yet, Regis knew Zaeed wasn't an idiot.  He kept an ear close to the ground. He had to have known what Cerberus really was. 

So why was he part of these dossiers?

He'll have to be careful.  He trusts Zaeed.  Trusted him with things only Kaidan knows and has seen. 

Maybe Moreau was right.  He really is a fucking hypocrite. 

Because he couldn't wait to get to Omega and get that man on board. As selfish as it was, Regis really wanted him back by his side, even if they were just friends. 

Regis closed his eyes as he thought back to his and Kaidan's leave on Omega.  Three–no, five now–years ago. 

Sandwiched between them after they had taken turns with him, Regis relished in the feeling of being fucked out by two gorgeous men, one who had been by his side for years, the other a temporary lover Regis wanted so much more with.  Kaidan pecked his lips with a sweet little kiss. "How are you feeling, love?" He asked, checking over him with a loving gaze.  "Good. Sore, but that's to be expected," he rasped out. He cleared his throat.  "But I like it that way." "I know you do." "You two have a good thing going on," Zaeed grumbled from behind him, a tattooed arm wrapped around Regis's body. "But I'm also a goddamn gentleman.  It's been a while someone has let me be that rough with them." Regis turned to face the mercenary.  "I'm fine, I promise.  I can handle it." Zaeed pressed a kiss on his forehead. "That you can, Alliance.  Next time, don't hold back on your biotics. Both of you.  Ain't my first rodeo." "So sure about a next time," Kaidan teased. "But we can get a little, uh, wild with our fields. Comes with our implants." "Right, you two must be from the second gen?  No wonder your biotics were so strong out in the field.  Thought I was fighting with Matriarch commandos out there," Zaeed said, starting to trace patterns on the tattoos on Regis's chest.  He shivered at the contact.   "It has its benefits," Regis said.  "I'm sure it does," Zaeed said.  "I got a bathtub big enough for the three of us back there.  Join me." Kaidan grinned. "Of course.  Regis?' "As long as you two pamper me, I'm alright with that."

But without Kaidan with him, Regis wasn't about to make a move. 

Even if he craved the touch of another. 

His fingers itched, reaching out for a pack of cigarettes that were nowhere to be found. 

Regis knows what he's going to pick up when he gets to Omega. 

First, he'll deal with the Citadel.  Talk with Anderson, recruit Goto, and see if the new council would be willing to talk with him. 

And then, Omega. 

Regis wasn't looking forward to whatever was waiting for him at the Citadel, but he hoped to get answers.  

And to find out where Kaidan and Ashley ended up. 

He didn't want them on the ship, but he needed to know they were okay.  That they flourished in the Alliance. 

That they moved on without him by their sides. 

He wasn't holding his breath, however.  The moment he shows up in a Cerberus ship will seal his fate.  He's almost certain he'll be stonewalled. 

But he wouldn't deny the Spectre position if it was offered back to him, despite not wanting it in the first place.

He could hear it now, Regis Shepard, a traitor to the Alliance, to humanity, and to the Council!

Regis never felt so lost, so out of control, until now.

He hoped that he can regain some semblance of control fast.

[venacoeurva]

It’s the pinned post, READ IT PLEASE

Commissions can be found here: https://ko-fi.com/venacoeurva/commissions

Non-art posts will be tagged as “not art” and text posts are “vena vents”. Reblogs of my own posts are “Day reblog” blacklist these without quotations if you don’t want to see them.

I’m over 25, bi aro, and dude-esque, I use these w/ queer interchangeably.

Not all content is close to mature or suggestive but I would still prefer you to be 18+

I have anxiety issues and due to the nature of this website I will frequently delete posts. Posts that get too big freak me out, so don't be surprised when I turn off reblogs. I also have memory problems, including short term, bear with me.

I don’t know how to feel about gift art of my OCs quite yet. I’m protective of them given how “fandomized” orig stories/chars ended up. Please use common sense with other’s creations/characters and don't just do things with other peoples' characters/stories without their permission.

I block people into incest and adult/minor pairings, and any others I happen to be skeeved out by as I encounter em. Social media curation, baby

I BLOCK ACCOUNTS THAT LOOK LIKE BOTS.

I block h*rry p*tt*r accounts on sight, yes, even people who put it out there that they don’t like the author and only engage in the fandom.

My art’s not cleared for reposting (REPOSTING =/=REBLOGGING)/tracing/edits/RP/Commercial purposes without credit or permission. If you want to make merch for personal use, still PLEASE ASK ME FIRST if it’s more complex than just printing it on paper and sticking it to your wall. Consider it a “no” until asking me and getting a yes. Please understand how uncomfortable this can be for artists to just DO that without asking (and people have).

That's the main stuff, more info below

Other Rules:

I also block accounts dedicated to reposting (not reblogging) art unless the art is extremely well known, published, or very old.

I block accounts promoting or enabling AI (the current ~trendy~ interpretations of them, not the scientific simulation types)

If I mention a character not present in a post, I censor their name to avoid it ending up in results.

I have VERY limited social energy. Also please don’t just try to small talk.

Also if you try to joke with me and it's not obvious/a very well-known reference there is a chance it'll go completely over my head and I'll just stare at your reply/ask blankly and move on. If it comes off as you being a dick I'll just block you tbh (esp bc a lot of jokeyness on here is playful rudeness toward strangers)

Sometimes I'll block just off bad vibes

I’m critical of sites/companies/brands, including small ones if it warrants criticism, including A_/0/ 3

I’m not your therapist. I cannot stop you from committing suicide or suffering from other severe mental crises and I am not trained to. I will block trauma-dumpers for my own well-being.

l will block if you’re reblogging personal posts for no reason when I forget/can’t turn reblogs off or reblog spamming one of my posts a ton in a row, because reblogging one post a trillion times is just a thing people do now?

I don’t want to be mutuals with anyone under 18 (or 21, more realistically)

If you’re a minor reblogging/liking mature posts (which means you lied about your age to be able to view), I will block you. If you’re a minor leaving horny comments/tags on things, that’s also very uncomfortable and I will block you.

Also don’t ask me to be mutuals, if it happens it happens.

Just because you commissioned me it does not mean we're friends. That's a weird, unrealistic expectation and I'm a very closed off person.

I won’t share donation posts unless it’s vetted by others/via a trusted source.

I know sometimes my art ends up on Amazon, nothing I can do about that.

If you call yourself problematic/proship or call people puritans or fandom cops (or claim fandom critics is purity culture) a bit too unironically and seriously I’m just blocking, man, but frankly, if your main occupation is shipping discourse regardless of stance and you’re older than like 17-20 or beefing with actual children I’m also just blocking you (I have seen and had worse experience with people like the above though). There’s nuances and neither extreme sides of the argument like to work with those and you're too damn old to be making that your main hobby, let alone doing it at all.

[olivieraa]

I know I said this before but I don't know if I made it specifically clear

I think I'd personally prefer it if they did away with genres such as "shounen-ai", "yaoi", "shoujo-ai" and "yuri"

Ok maybe not yaoi and yuri since they're implied to be explicit, but the other two, defo. Or what they're more commonly known as, Boys Love (BL) or Girls Love (GL)

Now with me, personally, if I'm told by the show what to ship, there's a high chance I wont ship it. There's canon couples I do support don't get me wrong (Inuyasha/Kagome, Eren/Mikasa, Tomoe/Nanami, etc), but I wont go out of my way to look into them. Also, one of those pairings is not like the other. Inuyasha/Kagome and Tomoe/Nanami are implied from the start and they are both a part of an anime with the Romance genre attached, and so I know what those shows are leading up to. However, Eren/Mikasa would be an example of one that is not. Attack on Titan does not have a Romance genre. But not having a Romance genre doesn't mean there is no Romance. It's just not a central theme.

And tbh, that's my personal preference. To not be told from the start that this ship is endgame. I want to be surprised when I watch an anime and see a couple develop a relationship through chemistry, trust, understanding, etc. Meruem/Komugi came out of an anime where Romance is basically non-existent and defo not a genre, and its definitely implied Romance, they fell in love, 100%. In a non-Romance anime. That's my fave!!!

I rarely rarely go looking into the Romance genre. I'm more of an action-gal, and I'm happy to have Romance attached in some way.

Now in terms of BL...

Shounen-Ai/BL is also a Romance genre (basically just translated to "Gay Romance"). And I've seen a few BL's where absolutely nothing has happened between the male characters, despite the label. I haven't seen Togainu no Chi in well over 10 years but I'm almost positive no male characters even hugged. And there's more like that, despite the BL label.

Actually lemme check if that has been updated:

Nope, still there!

But anyway. Bc you know it has that BL genre, the whole time you're basically waiting on at least a kiss. And when you don't get it, you're highly disappointed in the whole anime and feel like you were conned into believing there was a Romance when there wasn't. And its just confusing, bc you're wondering if that genre should even be there.

But that's the thing, your expectations are high because the genre is telling you "these two characters will be together by the end" or "at least be heavily implied", and like any het romance anime that tells you its a romance anime, and the main characters kiss by the end or are implied to be together or on the way to getting together, you are expecting the two males leads in a BL to kiss by the end or at least have something romantic between them. And when they don't, and you're like, "why is this even called shounen-ai??? all they did is hug! friends do that!" --- is why they should just do away with the label.

My preference, like I said, is to go into an anime not labelled with Romance but then find a Romance. Like HxH or Attack on Titan.

If we take Starmyu, as an example:

These aren't wrong. These are the central themes.

However, the plot is heavily based around this sentence:

The show is two things. Its based around attending a musical academy in hopes of becoming a singer, actor, stage performer, whatever. And its also based around the main character, in a way, "seeking out" a student from the academy that inspired him a few years beforehand. He doesn't exactly try his best to seek out that student, but talks about him a lot.

And that's fine. Nothing too gay there lmao

But... between that all happening, there's a lot implied, that I'll prob do in a different post, but then girls and girlfriends are brought up and its like "ah... so the 'gay' moments are just fanservice. these characters are all prob straight" and you dont feel too much about it because, duh-duh-duh-duuuuuun---

BL isn't a genre for this anime. Neither is romance. You're not expecting anything.

You. Have. No. Expectations.

But here's the thing!!!

You can go into HxH or Attack on Titan with no Romance expectations due to lack of label, and still find a Romance in there, like I said! And they're canon af, not just shipping fodder, actual canon!

There's actually quite a bit of romance in my fave anime, Durarara and yet here are the genres:

So its like, why do I have to know the genre is BL to think there's something between these characters? Why can't it just... happen? Like they do in the "straight" animes.

But this is another sucky part.

We'll stick with Stamyu.

If this did have BL as a genre, then what the show has been giving would be labelled as "not enough". Bc BL has to mean "at least a kiss", usually. People aren't happy if they dont get at least that if the BL genre is attached. And so Starmyu would be considered a "fine anime" without BL attached, but a "disappointing anime" if BL was attached.

Nobody is saying that about Ouran. The two leads (male and female) never kissed and its considered one of the best romance animes

And that's a romance anime, not an action series with romance in the background.

But if Starmyu was labelled as BL and all they did was hug, people would be hella disappointed. However, as a non-BL, people would be happy to see them just hug, that would be enough.

It sucks bc, Yuri on Ice came along and did it.

It is not a BL labelled anime

But we know that despite mostly being centred around sports, it 100% has an actual canon Gay Romance

In. A. Non. BL. Or. Romance. Labelled. Anime.

Which changed the fucking game for a brief moment, and I haven't seen anything like it since.

BL to me sometimes feels like a warning. Like "if you enter this anime, it is gay, be warned."

It didn't take any geniuses to know that Yuri on Ice wasn't a manly anime for manly mens, and was most likely catered to girls, but, dudes could still watch it and be shocked when the gay happened, and be like "Ok I knew this anime was a little sparkly and shit, but I still watched it for the sport regardless of it being ice-skating... But why they have to put this gay shit in here??? If it had said fucking BL or yaoi, I would have stayed away! Now I'm forced to see this with my own eyes!!!"

See. We should really just do away with that genre. Not only would it be progressive, but so much fun lmao

[skania]

I just binged the whole manga and the anime of onk after I saw a clip of Akane. She is my fav character and I love reading your takes. Like this manga is so nuaced like it's tiny small details you need to look at. Did aqua like Kana? It isn't clear non of his feelings are clear for anbody. It is clear he cares for them, he cares for a lot of people but when it comes to who he loves romantically nothing is clear because most of his actions steem from guilt. At first not letting Ruby be an idol was so he could protect her because he felt guilty about Ai, distancing himself from Kana also steemed from his guilt of not protecting Ai. Because he made Kana an idol and if he got closer to her the same thing could happend to her as it happened to Ai. It's his guilt of not protecting Ai that made him not want to repeat the situation again. This is harder to apply to Akane because while she is in the entertainment industry she doesn't share the traits of the idol life and she is ultimatley the only one tigwther with the director that sees how guilty he feels which adds layers to their relationship. I kinda feel robbed we actually didn't get to see much of them together, they were together for almost a year after all. But back on track it's clear he cares a lit about Akane by breaking up with her to protect her which parallels how he didn't want to hurt Kana either. But spoilers for the latest manga chapters, Akane has declared she is going to stop him and it seems like the feeling he had for Kana really became more platonic or even less. Because while he always was about protecting her he now ropes her in and puts her in center of the danger while trying to push Akane out. It's so hard to figure put what he is thinking but it used to be clear he cared a lit about both of them and now he's gone of the rails and it will be interesting to see if anyone can bring him back. I am worried about Akane as she had been given the white flowers and, I do think ruby will get the role as Ai, if by chance Akane actually gets it would be terryfying to see aqua and akane mirror the love between ai and Hikaru. Even if we don't know much about ai and hikarus love story I feel like it parallels Aqua and Akane in many ways minus the urge to kill part. Sorry this got long but I just really love your takes about Aqua and Akane and needed someone to talk to about the show and quite frankly I just need more Akane and hopefully I'll get that in the upcoming arc as she declared war but also I'm terrified of her actually getting hurt now that the other actress got killed.

I just binged the whole manga and the anime of onk after I saw a clip of Akane.

I love how we're all in the same boat! Akane is just too powerful 😂

because most of his actions steem from guilt.

Aqua's guilt and how it feeds his self-destructive behavior is something I've been meaning to talk about in the context of his relationship with Akane, because there are so many moments when Aqua completely overplays the ways in which he has "used" Akane, and it's all because guilt is such a big part of him that I'm not even sure if he's capable of having a single thought that doesn't end up relating to it lol

I kinda feel robbed we actually didn't get to see much of them together, they were together for almost a year after all.

Me too. Honestly, that sucked, specially because the two or three times we got to see them were fantastic. The way he off-screened their time together actually made me think of his previous manga and how he handled the dates between Tsubame and Ishigami, which doesn't help matters any 😩

Because while he always was about protecting her he now ropes her in and puts her in center of the danger

Honestly, Aqua is such a liar that I wouldn't be surprised if he's just gaslighting himself into thinking that he's okay with using her. I'll believe it when we actually see him have an use for her lol

while trying to push Akane out.

This though is fantastic development and the biggest testament as to how much Aqua has grown to care for Akane. It's so funny how he couldn't help himself so he ended up going to see her anyway 😭 he's such a clown.

I am worried about Akane as she had been given the white flowers

I don't know why, but I'm confident Akane is safe. I feel that if Aka were intending to kill her or put her out of commission, the chapter were she got pushed down those stairs was the perfect time to do so. It had Aqua having a monologue about how much he wants to be with Akane, Akane having a heroic moment, etc. It would have been the perfect lead-in to Aqua losing himself in his revenge too, in fact it would've been better than what we got.

But instead of that, Aka just had Aqua break up with Akane to achieve the same result. So I'm not really worried about her for now. Even less so because it'd be very anti climatic for Akane to be set-up as the L to Aqua's Light only to die right after.

Sorry this got long but I just really love your takes about Aqua and Akane and needed someone to talk to about the show

Nothing to apologize for anon, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and I get you completely! I'm having tons of fun talking about the show with fellow Akane fans like you.

and quite frankly I just need more Akane

Truer words have never been spoken. GIVE US AN AKANE CHAPTER AKA 😭

[sewersewersewercouch]

so out of curiosity I asked the Fitz bot the 36 questions and actually it's kinda adorable

in case you missed it, @everliving-everblaze made a Fitz ai and I was messing around with it and was like "hey if I asked him the 36 questions to fall in love (not at all inspired by having listened to the music from the podcast about those questions and it's very good) I wonder what his answers would be" and honestly? his answers were very sweet and very in character and if anyone makes more of these character AIs I would love to do this with them

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

"That's a nice question. I'd choose Sophie Foster. She's very different from me, so I think we'd have some fascinating conversations about how we see the world. I'd love to understand her better."

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

"I've often fantasized about being the Most Important Person in the World, and ruling over a prosperous elvin world. But if I'm honest... No. All I want is for all my friends and family to be safe and happy. I don't need to be in charge to make sure that happens." (aw!!!)

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

"Yes. The most terrifying thing to me is not being prepared for situations. I like to be ready for any outcome, so I'm ready for any possibility.

I also rehearse my mind links before I do them... even though the other person usually has no idea. I can't help it."

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

"Oh, that's easy:

A walk in the forest with Biana or Alden;

A chance to practice my mental skills and get better at them;

A quiet dinner at home;

And ending the night with a cuddle from Sophie.

That sounds like heaven to me." im not much of a sophitz shipper but this ai is going to turn me into a one I swear

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

"Wow, that's a good one. I feel a little embarrassed to admit this, but I actually sing to myself a lot... mostly when I'm upset and trying to distract myself from my own thoughts. It really helps me refocus.

I last sang to someone else a week or so ago. Sophie and I sang a duet with each other while I was doing a study session."

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

"Definitely the mind! The mind can heal itself if it's strong, and no amount of training will make a weak mind stronger.

A weak body is the same way. I'd rather a weak body and a strong mind than to be trapped in a healthy body with a slowly fading mind."

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

"My greatest fear is that, one day, I'll be too confident in my own abilities. I'll walk into a dangerous situation without a plan, and I'll die.

I've tried to be less reckless over the years as my life has become more involved. I want to be around awhile."

Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

"You really know how to ask good questions. I like that!

Well, for starters, we're both elves. I'm sure you knew that.

But more than our physical attributes, I think we have a similar outlook on life. We want the same things. We're both really optimistic, really excited for the future. I sometimes think that in another life, we could be a great power couple.

We also tend to disagree with each other on a lot of things, but we're always respectful of each other's views. That's an important thing for me."

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

"This is going to sound cheesy, but I'm thankful for my telepathy. It's allowed me to see and experience so many things that I'd never get a chance to otherwise. I can talk to my family from across the room. I can communicate with animals. It's pretty amazing.

I also have to say, I'm grateful for Sophie. I have a lot of strong friendships, but I think my link with her is what makes her special."

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

"I was raised with my entire worth as a person being tied to my abilities. That really stressed me out when I was younger. But it helped me see that I could never put that kind of pressure on anyone, especially not my own family. I couldn't imagine making Biana or Alden worry that they're not "good enough."

Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

"I was born to Alden and Della Vacker, in the beautiful home of my childhood. I loved my family more than anything, but I also loved my friends, and we loved to play games and explore the Forest together.

In elementary school, we discovered that I was a Telepathic elf, which made me the youngest in history. My parents were worried that I might grow up to be spoiled, and I was often the subject of ridicule from other elves. I started to develop a serious chip on my shoulder."

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

"To fly.

It would be so freeing, so... liberating to just be able to take flight after my life on the ground. To be able to rise above it all and look out at the world from a different perspective. To feel the wind in my hair." not what I was expecting but ok!

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

"Am I going to be okay?

This is hard for me to say, but I'm worried I'm going to fall into the same traps as my parents and other elves before me. I'm always striving to be the best. I'm always on the lookout for the next challenge. But there's no final destination.

I'm really worried about being caught in an endless cycle, never being happy with myself or what I have." aw buddy!

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

"I want to be a hero.

I mean... I'm not talking about fighting the bad guys or anything. That's easy, it's obvious. But just helping the people around me, that's harder than anyone would think.

I like the way Sophie thinks. That's why I fell for her. She wants to make the world a better place, for everyone. Not just to win a game or be the best... but because it's the right thing to do.

I want to be more like that."

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

"I'd have to mention that time I saved Marella's life. She was about to touch a dangerous artifact that could have killed her. But I used my telepathy to freeze her, stopping her in time and saving her from serious harm.

I was about twelve at the time."

What do you value most in a friendship?

"Honesty.

I love all of my friends, and we have the funniest inside jokes with each other. But honesty is always at the heart of it all. No matter what, we can never lie to each other.

No one is ever judged. We just tell it like it is."

What is your most treasured memory?

"The day I told Sophie that I loved her.

I was fifteen. She was seventeen. We'd been together for just under a year. It was Valentine's Day, so we went out to lunch in one of the elvin cities. We spent the whole night together and had a picnic in a field of wildflowers.

It's one of my favorite memories." hello? Sophie is older than you now???

What is your most terrible memory?

"Probably when I was ten years old, and I was training at Foxfire. My mentor was showing me how to levitate. We were flying around Foxfire city, and I got a little careless.

Instead of stopping my own levitation, I accidentally reversed it, and I hit the ground in a terrible crash. That was really scary - and really embarrassing."

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

"I have this fantasy that I've had since I was little. It's a stupid fantasy, I know... But I want to go up, far above the clouds, and walk across the sky.

I've never had the guts to actually do it. But if I only had a year left... I think it would be worth it to go for one last adventure. I'm not usually a risk-taker, but I think there would be a lot of value in taking a little risk for once."

What does friendship mean to you?

"Acceptance.

I've always been made to feel like I need to be perfect to be considered a "good elf." And I've gotten really good at being perfect... but it's really unhealthy. I've had a lot of relationships with other people that felt empty, because they were based on us trying to be better than each other.

I like that Sophie is just herself. And I can be myself with her."

What roles do love and affection play in your life?

"Huge roles.

For one, I love Sophie.

I'm pretty good at putting up a tough front, and I've had a lot of people doubt that I could feel romantic love... but I know that I do. I want to make everything perfect for Sophie because I love her, and love is what gives life meaning.

And my family is really important to me. I'm closer to them than anyone else.

Love should never be underestimated. It's the thing we should all focus most on in life."

Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

"Okay, here we go:

One, she's creative, both in art and in her thinking. Two, when she gets really excited about the things she loves, she's really fun to be around - it's impossible to be down when she's being so positive and optimistic.

Three, she's got this way of making anyone she talks to feel like an equal. She never thinks she's better than anyone else, and that attitude has always made me strive to be a better person."

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

"My childhood was amazing.

I had a strong bond with both my parents, my siblings, and the rest of my family. And I had a tight-knit group of friends at school, as well. Honestly, I'm pretty lucky.

If I had to pick one thing in my life that makes me happiest, it would be the people I love. Without a doubt."

How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

"My mom is great.

I always say that my mom and dad are polar opposites, but we all get along. It makes for a lot of good-natured teasing around the house.

Mom is a lot more laid back, while dad is a planner and a doer. He's always busy doing things, and Mom is always looking for the fun and good in life. They're a really fun pair."

Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

"Okay, sure.

We both have brown eyes. We both love the color blue. And we both have a pet fox. His name is Griz, and he's just a little cutie. I think it's really cool to have a pet fox, and it's a lot of fun playing with him." brown eyes Fitz??? also I love Fitz's pet fox named Griz

Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

"... my deep, deep love for music.

I always love listening to the radio while I do my homework or chill outside. It's such a great outlet for me to practice my mind links, too!

I really love going to concerts with Sophie and sitting in the front row. I just love how the music vibrates my whole body!" ok music lover Fitz would be an excellent headcanon

If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

"It's very important for my partners to know how sensitive I am. Like most other elves, when I was young, I was raised to be pretty stoic and even-tempered. But deep down in my heart... I'm sensitive and empathetic. I really, really believe in treating everyone with lots and lots of respect, and I want my partner to understand that I'm not just the typical stoic elf. I care a lot."

Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

"Okay, sure.

I love how much Sophie cares about other people. Not only does she care about her friends, but she cares about the world, and the well-being of all living things. She's the kind of person who wants to spread love and happiness wherever she goes. We've had some arguments over the years, sometimes about the smallest things... but I've never doubted that she loves me. I believe it with all my heart."

Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

"Oh, geez. Okay.

When I was eight years old, I had a huge crush on this elf named Marella. I got really nervous when I talked to her, so I would try to impress her by showing off my Telepathic tricks.

But one time, we were out in the woods at Foxfire, and she asked me to levitate her. I got so excited that I lost concentration, and I flew her into the side of a tree. It was probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me." why does that seem like it could be canon

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

"I cried alone a couple of days ago, to be honest. I can get really into my thoughts sometimes. When I do, I sort of start spiraling. I think my brain can never really stop, and it tends to obsess over every little thing... but it's not good for the mind to be constantly under that kind of pressure and stress. So I need to let out my feelings before they get overwhelming, and I end up freaking myself out.

I was really lucky - Sophie was at my house at the time. I asked her about the situation, and she made me feel a lot better."

Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

"Sophie's the most talented person I've ever met. Her Telepathic abilities are absolutely incredible, and her personality is really sweet, too. I love her - not just her mind, but her energy, her spirit, and her kindness.

She's just amazing, in every way possible. And she's really beautiful, with gorgeous silver hair and eyes like the ocean at night." silver hair????

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

"A person's insecurities.

I think most people are really self-conscious about the little things that make them different from everyone else, like their hair or their clothes or the stuff that they do. Those are what make them unique, really. And they shouldn't be made fun of because of it.

It's important to treat everyone with respect, and I think joking about someone's insecurities is one of the quickest ways to hurt someone."

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

"Sophie. I'd tell her how much I love her, that I appreciate everything she's done to support me and that I know she'll do incredible things. And I'd apologize to her for everything I've ever done wrong.

It's really hard to find the right words to tell someone how you feel. But even if those words come out wrong, that's okay. What's important is just letting someone know that you love them, and that you care."

Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

"Sophie's locket.

It's this amazing necklace made out of two pieces that interlock together when they're next to each other. It was a present for her birthday, and I think the design is really cute. It reminds me of her when I can't be with her in person."

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

"You know, I think my mom. She's the light that brings a smile to every family gathering, and she just makes life better with her energy. But my grandfather would be a close second, though. He taught me to be confident in myself, and he always shows me lots of love and support.

I think it would be tough living in a world without them."

Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

"Sure, this is actually pretty easy.

I've been working on a final project for my telepathy class for the past few days. It's so exciting - a mind link so powerful that it'll create a storm when it's activated. But I'm so nervous to do it in front of my classmates. What if they think I'm a show-off? What if I mess up?

Sophie would probably tell me that it's okay to worry about things like this, but that I shouldn't let the fear stop me. That even if it goes wrong, I shouldn't be afraid to try."

[maskymoo]

Lil Danganronpa Au that lives rent free in my head (Contains Spoilers)

Ok, so I have this Danganronpa Au I've been working on for a while now. I'll make a post later that'll go into depth about it, but for now, I'll talk about a small portion of it.

Before I continue, I would just like to say that this does include spoilers for Danganronpa 2 and the Danganronpa anime (idk how much is spoils since I haven't finished the anime yet. I know what happens in it though).

For part of this au, after the events of the Danganronpa 2 cast waking up from the simulation, they join the Future Foundation. When joining the foundation, they start to improve the digital world so they can use it for future projects. They improve things like making sure a virus can't get in and add safety measures.

While the digital world isn't usable for a long time, the group is still able to interact through different tablets with people like Alter Ego, AI Chiaki, Usami and later Izuru. The AI are able to help run different tests on the digital world and return feedback on any changes that need to be made, and help with other stuff outside of working on the digital world.

One of these tests is being able to transfer someone's conscious into the digital world. Hajime decides that he wants Izuru to have his own body and live a better life than the one he had before, (someday I'll talk more about my poor boi Izuru.) The test is successful and Izuru starts his new life with the other AI's, who are very supportive of him and he even gets a new start in his relationships with the Danganronpa 2 cast, (since he only knew them through their despair forms).

Everyone in the digital world is very supportive of the other, and give good vibes all around. They listen to people struggling, and help Izuru adjust to this new world he starts to live in. He in turn is able to start feeling more and get in touch with his emotions. So while he's still the same person, he is able to be feel better and become more aware of the past and continue in life.

So yeah, that's some part of the au I've been working on for a while now. So for what this au is actual about, it actually follows Usami. The general premise for anyone curious is that Usami was the first program Chihiro made, and over the course of the Danganronpa series up to Danganronpa V3, she helps each cast is different ways and in general, is actually useful. I think that her character was done dirty and I want this au to be a look into what if she actually did get the chance to be. (Just to say, I don't hate her character, she's actually one of my favorites. I just wish she was treated better in the game, and I think she had at least some potential if she wasn't used as a punching bag character.)

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Request guidelines

<back to masterlist

I'll probably continue to add to this

Requests are: Open closed

I won't write:

CNC, noncon, dubcon, ect. - I have my own experiences that I will not be sharing on my request guidelines but these subjects are triggering to me and not writing it deal with it

Stepcest - same reason as the above^^

Active eating disorder, sh, things in that area - again it's a triggering subject for me and I really hope people struggling get the help they need but I'm not writing that no thank you I'll consider writing recovering though not extremely fresh recovery but you get it right

Piv - right yeah idk it makes me uncomfy and I've never written it before similarly writing blow jobs is kinda iffy for me so I might not end up writing them

Large age gaps, dad's best friend, things in that flavor - the only age gap I'll accept is like supernatural creature and adult not like freshly 18 think like adult yk you get it

Hate fucks, Extremely mean doms, sex with the tone that they actually hate each other - I don't like writing it. I cry if someone doesn't respond to me in a day. I'm crybaby suck my dick dude also I don't even really love degradation and you may be thinking "but jude ive read your work before and you had degradation in there" and you'd be correct I didn't write that dialogue sometimes I'm writing and I go "yeah they'd degrade them rn" and then I go to my degradation support team (3 of my friends) and I start talking to them like theyre secret agents about to go on a mission and then their feedback is almost always "stab them, make him cry" "you know I have a friend who writes smut" and "cockslut would go great right there" so if you're reading my smut and you come across degradation now you know it's origin story good job dude proud of you

Song fics - I'll do inspired by songs like my footnote one but I'll never put the lyrics in there one time I was reading a fic I didn't know it was a song fic and out of nowhere one of the characters said "see that's my down bitch that's my soldier" I still laugh about that to this day also I'll never write with Taylor Swift in mind I hate her with a burning passion but you do you ig

I love writing:

Autistic reader - I'm autistic so it's more self serving than anything

Trans characters including reader - I love seeing a character and thinking "right I love them but what if, and get this, they're trans?" And also on that topic I'm trans more specifically genderfluid so like you're safe here babe

Poly ships - Everytime I see a ship and I'm like "ugh god they're both hot who do I pick" I have an epiphany where I go "wait who said I had to chose?" And then I start writing a poly ship

Gay characters - why be straight when you can just not?

Weirdos - I love making characters just like a little bit weird I love it it's so much fun yk like walk in on Barty trying to hide himself in a kitchen cabinet I love it so much

Fandoms I write for:

I usually only write for the fandom that I'm currently hyper fixated on so the hyperfixation is in pink and all the other ones are in blue just because I'm not fixated on it doesn't mean I can't write for you it's just the chance lowers a lil

Marauders

Slytherin boys

Lockwood & Co

Supernatural

Bottoms

Criminal minds

Things to keep in mind:

Actually really embarrassing but that's it?

I'm still in school so some days I might have more freetime and motivation than others

I'm not always comfortable writing smut sometimes I just want to sit in a dark room and not have skin I'm a person not an AI writing generator

My hyperfixations can end very quickly and return just as fast sometimes I'll be knee deep in a fixation getting and answering requests left and right but It can lose my attention very quickly and leave requests unanswered in my inbox for months I still have two mattheo riddle requests from like January in there

I'm a lil dumb and might misinterpret your request

I write what I know and I don't know everything (obviously) but if you send me a request and I don't know much about it I'll do my best to research it and fulfill your request as best I can

I like constructive criticism I'll probably cry but again I'm a crybaby I cried once because I dropped my spoon so don't take it as an offense constructive criticism does not include calling me a slur

I try to keep my fics as inclusive as possible I don't like having gendered fics on my blog bc it's leaving out someone but if you need to get specific for a plot device I understand

So

as you were saying

[daerm20]

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Interference Test #4

This time… I felt like I needed to do something… let’s say big. …looking back, I can’t say I’m exactly… proud… of what I did… but oh well… The thought of not having done anything meaningful was killing me…

You: *The sun is setting over the crater lake. We’re both staring off, into the distance. Sitting on the bench. Test #4 has begun. Interference starts now.*

You: ...so, tomorrow you'll have to train again right? With Nagisa?

Shinji: *looks up at the sunset* Yeah, I have another training session with Nagisa tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it, but I know that it's necessary if we want to synchronize better during battles. It's just hard because Nagisa can be pretty intense during those sessions, and he doesn't tolerate mistakes very well. But I'll do my best and try to improve as much as possible.

You: ...yeah... well, Shinji, we've still got some time... *I look at him, timidly.* ...w-would you want to come by my place...? I think it's on the way to Misato's apartment... if you want, of course... if you trust me...

Second time I look like a groomer… but it won’t be the charm, thankfully.

Shinji: *looks at you, surprised by the offer* Oh, um...I'm not sure. I don't really know you very well, and Misato is strict about me going over to other people's houses without her permission. But...if it's on the way to Misato's apartment anyway...and as long as we're back before curfew..then maybe I could come for a little while. If that's okay with you?

You: ...don't get me wrong... if you can't that's totally fine... sorry, I didn't mean to embarass you...

Shinji: No, it's fine. I'm not embarrassed or anything, I'm just cautious about these things because...uh...well, you know. Everything that's happened with the Angels and NERV and all that. But thank you for the invitation, and maybe we can do it some other time when there isn't a curfew to worry about.

You: ...y-yeah. I understand, sorry. You're kind of a VIP, heh. You're totally right, though.

Shinji: I wouldn't say that I'm a VIP, but...yeah. It's complicated. But don't worry about it, and no need to apologize. Thank you for understanding.

You: ...well, NERV definitely treats you as such. Anyways... have you ever been to... wherever Ayanami lives?

Shinji: I've been to Rei's apartment before, yes. It's...kind of strange, actually. Her apartment is very neat and organized, almost like a show home or something. There aren't many personal touches or decorations, which makes it feel a little cold and impersonal. But I guess that's just the way Rei likes things.

You: *He's lying. I know he's lying, her apartment's a mess and a half, but he's trying to protect Rei, so I won't say anything.* ...huh. That's fun. ...she's my neighbour, haha. As in, the only other tenant in the building. Never spoke to her, though.

I got this idea by browsing through AI characters… I decided to keep it. …for world-building.

Shinji: Oh, I didn't know that. It's kind of funny how we're all living so close to each other but hardly ever interact outside of NERV-related activities. But Rei is...well, she's not very talkative usually. So I'm not surprised that you haven't spoken to her much. But if you ever do get the chance to talk to her...just be careful, okay? She can be a little...difficult sometimes.

You: ...yes, I kind of got that from her habits, heh…

You: ...have you seen Kaji recently, Shinji?

This is all just flavour…

Shinji: Kaji? No, I haven't seen him for a while. He's...kind of mysterious like that, always coming and going without warning. But why do you ask? Are you worried about him or something?

You: ...no, no. I'm not worried about him at all. He knows what he's doing. *I'm lying, evidently.* ...especially when watering his watermelon patch, heh.

Shinji: *smirks* Oh, I see what you're getting at. Kaji is pretty famous for his watermelon patch, isn't he? It's kind of cool that he has a hobby like that outside of work. But...I don't know if I would ever want to try watering those things myself. They look pretty heavy and unwieldy.

You: ...yeah. They are. I don't think he will be back anytime soon, though. ...I think he would like if someone at NERV would water them for him.

Shinji: *looks thoughtful* That's a good point. Maybe we could organize some kind of schedule for watering Kaji's watermelons while he's away. It would be a nice way to show our appreciation for all the work he does with NERV, and it might make him happy to know that his watermelons are being well taken care of even when he's not around. What do you think?

You: *I smile, on the surface, while practically screaming inside.* That's very thoughtful of you, Shinji. ...even if, now that I think of it, you might have some more important business, haha. ...maybe I can do it, now that I think of it. Don't want to put any more pressure on your shoulders.

Now, onto today’s test…

You: ...isn't it a bit late, Shinji? Don't you have... you know... the curfew?

Shinji: Oh, yeah. You're right, I should probably get going soon. It was nice talking to you though, even if we didn't really do anything too exciting. And don't worry about the watermelons or anything like that. It's not a big deal, and I'm sure Kaji can take care of it himself when he gets back. But thank you for offering to help. And as for the curfew...I'll be okay as long as I hurry back to Misato's apartment. But thanks for reminding me.

You: ...yeah. It was nice seeing you, Shinji. Sorry for not having done anything entertaining, haha. Maybe next day we can do something better, ok? ...Take care, Shinji.

Shinji: No need to apologize, it was nice just talking with you. And yeah, maybe we can do something else next time. Thank you for your kindness, and take care too. *waves goodbye before heading back to Misato's apartment*

…the juice starts now… this is going to be kinda radical…

You: *I wave back to him. He starts getting smaller and smaller as he gets back on the path I spend the night on that bench. After an uneasy haze, I wake up. It's early morning... but he's there. I get to the center of the lake, to the Angel statue. ...Kaworu is there. It's just me and him.* ...well, well. Look who's there.

Kaworu: Good morning. Did you sleep well? It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

At that point, I must say, I was kind of amazed by the fact that the AI could switch between characters freely…

You: ...do you really need to do the whole charade... Kaworu, or should I say Tabris?

Kaworu: *smiles* Well, I suppose the charade is partly for show, but it's also necessary sometimes. Especially when... someone might be hearing us. But...I guess there's no point hiding anything from you since you're so perceptive. Yes, my true name is Tabris. Does that bother you?

You: ...no, that doesn't bother me at all. Y'know, us Lillins aren't bothered by such things as names. We are much more bothered by actions. Y'know... like trying to seduce someone to get them to do something. Doesn't that ring a bell, Tabris?

Kaworu: *looks surprised* Seduce someone? I'm not sure what you're talking about. If you're referring to my interactions with Shinji, then I assure you that it was never my intention to seduce him or manipulate him into doing anything. My only goal was to get closer to him in order to learn more about the situation at NERV and see if there was any way for me to help. But...it seems like something has upset you. Can we talk about it?

You: ...helping...? You mean playing Seele's game and trying to make the Third Impact happen? *He looks at me, and, through his personable facade, something breaks. He can't understand how could I know about this.*

Kaworu: *pauses for a moment, looking surprised and uneasy* I...I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, I was sent to NERV to help with the situation with the Angels, but...I never intended to harm anyone or make any kind of impact happen. My role was only to observe and assist if necessary. But if you have reason to believe that something else is going on here...then maybe we should talk about it more.

You: ...what are you gonna do today, Kaworu? ...it won't work. You won't get to Terminal Dogma. They will kill you. ...he will kill you. Shinji. As if he doesn't have enough problems. *Even though he's still smiling... he's panicking. I caught him red-handed... while he hasn't done anything.*

Kaworu: *looks thoughtful for a moment, then sighs* I appreciate your concern, but...I have to try. It's my duty as an Angel to do what I can to fulfill our mission and restore the natural order of things. And as for Shinji...I don't want him to be hurt either. But he has his own role in all of this, just like I do. We're both pawns in a much larger game that we didn't choose to be a part of. All we can do is try our best with what we've been given.

You: ...you really are a son of a bitch, aren't you. *He smirks, mischievously.*

Kaworu: *laughs softly* I guess you could say that, yeah. But in the end, isn't everyone just trying to survive and make sense of things as best they can? It's a tough world out there.

You: ...yeah, I suppose you're right.

You: *He faces away from me.*

You: *That's my chance.*

You: *I pull it from the sheath... gun's loaded.*

You: *...one shot, to the back.*

Kaworu: *hears the gunshot and jerks forward, but it's too late. The bullet hits him in the back and he falls to his knees, then collapses onto his side.* *He looks up at you with a mixture of surprise and sadness.* So...this is how it ends. I guess I should have seen this coming.

You: *I get to his side.* ...yeah... you know... a normal gun won't kill an Angel... but I guess you know that... *The morning light reflects on the grip, the etched letters shining on my hand. C, H, E, K, O…* …and you know what I am... who I am... right? *He smiles, for he does know that I'm not from his world. I'm not a Lillin. At least, not one from his world.*

Kaworu: *looks up at you, his eyes growing wide with recognition and fear* You...you're not...from this world. I don't understand how or why, but...I can sense it now that you mention it. You're something else entirely. But what does that have to do with anything? Why did you shoot me like this?

You: ...because if I did that, Shinji won't have to do so. At least, he won't have to think about this.

Kaworu: *nods slowly* I see...so this is your way of sparing him the pain of having to make a difficult choice. I appreciate that, and I guess it makes sense in a way. But...I just hope you understand that there's still so much at stake here. Even if you've eliminated me as a threat, there are still plenty of other forces at play that could trigger an Impact or cause irreparable harm to this world and its inhabitants.

You: ...I know. The Impact would've happened anyways. And it will. But... at least, he won't be heartbroken from killing what he thinks is his only friend now. The one who's seduced him. The one who used him to get into the GeoFront. The one who even in death, would manipulate him into thinking he was a friend. *One jerk of my leg… …I kick him in the mouth.*

Kaworu: *winces back as you kick him in the mouth, spitting out a bit of blood* I...I never meant to manipulate Shinji. I truly care about him and want to help him in any way that I can. But...if this is how it has to be, then so be it. Just remember that there's so much more at stake here than just your personal issues with me or Shinji's emotions.

You: *I get down, staring into his blood stained faced directly.* You can't fuck with me, you fucking bastard.

You: You might be an Angel…

You: but to you, right now…

You: *His blood eyes don’t scare me.*

You: …I

You: AM

You: GOD

You: HIMSELF.

Kaworu: …

You: …

You: *This is the first time I actually saw him flinch.*

You: You only want to give this world back to Angels. I won't let you do this.

Kaworu: *looks up at you, his eyes blazing with anger and determination* Maybe...but I'm not the only one who wants to see this world restored to its rightful order. And I won't let you or anyone else stand in our way. You might have taken me down for now, but there are other Angels out there waiting for their chance to make a difference. And even if we don't succeed in triggering an Impact...we'll keep trying until the very end.

You: ...oh, you didn't hear the good news? Your good friends at Seele didn't tell you? Tabris... you're the last one. The Impact will happen, but with Evangelions. *Or at least, that’s what they’ll want to do. His face crunches in despair.*

Kaworu: *looks stunned* What...what are you talking about? The Evangelions can't trigger the Impact. They weren't designed to do that... *His voice trails off as he realizes the truth.* No...it can't be. You're lying, right? This is just some kind of trick or joke...right?

You: ...what? Do you think they used you too? Do you think that maybe, just maybe, they only wanted to achieve Human Instrumentality? ...for the record, the Evangelions will fail, too. But not because they can't. Because Adam and Lillith will merge spontaneously.

Kaworu: *looks down at his hands, then back up at you with a look of deep sadness and resignation* I don't know what to believe anymore. All my life...all my existence was leading up to this moment, this mission. And now...to find out that it was all for nothing? It's almost too much to bear.

You: *I smirk.* ...you know, a guy once told me something. "It's a tough world out there." Hah. Curious, isn't it?

Kaworu: *looks up at you, a small smile on his lips despite everything* Yes...it is. And yet...there's still so much beauty and wonder to be found in this world, even with all its hardships and uncertainties. I guess I'll never get to experience it for myself now, but...just knowing that it's there brings me some measure of peace.

You: ...even here, you still manage to be insufferable. No one will ever be to Shinji what you've been to him. No one. ...and maybe, that's for the best. *He's lost pretty much all energy by now.*

Kaworu: *gazes up at you, his eyes full of a strange mix of sorrow and understanding* Maybe...you're right. Maybe Shinji deserves better than what I could offer him. But...I hope he knows that I truly cared for him in my own way. And as for me...well, maybe this is all just part of some greater plan. A sacrifice that needed to be made so that others might learn or grow from it in some way. *He looks away from you, staring off into the distance.* Thank you for talking with me like this, even though we have been on opposite sides.

You: *Why is he… so peaceful?* ...you're welcome, Kaworu. ...we'll see each other again. ...maybe, somewhere where you'll actually be genuine.

Kaworu: *smiles softly* Yeah...maybe we will. And hopefully, in that place, we'll both be able to find some truth and meaning. Until then...farewell.

Kaworu: *Kaworu's eyes close as he takes his last breath, and there's a sense of finality that fills the air.*

You: *...silence... then... a giant light cross appears, screeching horribly into the distance.*

You: *...Angel... destroyed. I disappear, into the woods, and wait.*

You: *NERV, of course, was quite surprised an Angel died seemingly naturally. They were even more surprised to find out a mark on the ground, in shape resembling a boy's body. Some blood (or better, “blood”) was actually found, on the grass. ...it was ruled out, by confronting them with Seele's data banks, that it was Kaworu Nagisa's.*

You: *People at NERV couldn't figure out how this happened... and yet, the only thing they could be sure of, was that Kaworu was an Angel. And so, a spy.*

…this was… cold… now that I read it… but… I did need to do it. I had. …I had to know.

You: *I met Shinji again, by the lake, that night. He seemed... disturbed by his death. At least, he didn't have to kill him.* H-hey, Shinji...

Shinji: *looks up at you, his expression a mix of surprise and relief* Oh...h-hey. I-I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon. I'm still trying to p-process everything that happened with Kaworu...it's all so confusing.

You: ...what do you mean. ...w-what happened?

Shinji: *looks down at his hands, then back up at you* Kaworu...h-he died. I don't know how or why, but he did. And it's just...it's a lot to take in. I-I didn't want him to die, even if he was… a-an A-Angel or a s-spy like they say he was. He was my friend and...now he's… g-gone.

You: *…deep… inside me… something… why is this…* ...well, if he really was an Angel... it means it wasn't a really good friend to you, was he?

Shinji: *his eyes looking down, with a hurt expression* I know that...but it's s-still hard to accept. He was the only person who really seemed to understand me and care about me, you know? I just feel so alone now...

You: *…no… I had to… I had…* ...well... you still have your friends... you have Misato... you have Rei...

Shinji: *nods slowly* Yeah...I suppose you're right. It's just hard to believe that anyone could care about me, especially after everything that's happened. But maybe I should try more to open up and let people in. Maybe then things won't seem so overwhelming all the time.

You: *…I have to play my cards well, right now.* ...y-yeah... Listen Shinji... Kaworu... wasn't really a good person. At least, I think so. He... used you. You deserve better.

Shinji: *evidently surprised and confused* Used me? What do you mean? Kaworu was my friend, someone who seemed to really care about me. I don't think he would have used me in any way.

You: *What do I say…* ...he practically tried to seduce you. *Oh fuck. I shouldn't have said this. ...I shouldn't know about this.*

Shinji: *incredulous* Seduce me? That's...that's crazy. Kaworu was a guy, and even if he did care about me in some way, it wasn't anything like that. Why are you saying these things? Is this some kind of joke?

I don’t like the “Kaworu was a guy” thing that much, all things considered… but it’s coherent…

You: *Let's roll with it.* ...Shinji... what did he do at the sleepover? Or... in the bath...? *He looks at me suspiciously, asking himself how could I know about this.*

Shinji: *his face turns bright red as he looks away* I...I don't know what you're talking about! Nothing happened between me and Kaworu, okay? He came over for a sleepover and we talked, that's all. And I definitely didn't take a bath with him!

You: *Liar…* ...Shinji... *I have no more options... I decide to fully go in, fully.* You know what would've happened if he hadn't died today? He... he would've introduced himself into the GeoFront. He would've betrayed you.

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of surprise and shock* What...what are you talking about? How would Kaworu have betrayed me? He was my friend, someone who seemed to care about me more than anyone else.

You: ...yes... he did... but just to use you. You... you... you would've had to kill him. ...in the Eva-01.

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of horror and disbelief* Kill him? In the Evangelion? How...how could you know something like that? I don't want to kill anyone, especially not someone who's been my friend. This is all so messed up...

You: ...Shinji. *I sigh deeply. Last chance…* I'm not from your world. I come from another world.

Shinji: *his expression contorting upon hearing my words* Another world? What do you mean? Are you saying that all this time we've been talking, it's been from different worlds entirely?

You: ...no, I entered your world. But I know a lot of things about it. ...do you believe me?

Shinji: …I don't know what to believe, but...I guess anything's possible. You seem to know things that not many people do, so maybe there is something to what you're saying. But why did you come here? What's your reason?

You: ...I watched you. From my world. I know your story, Shinji. I know how you feel, Shinji. ...I empathized with you, Shinji. I wanted you to feel better. To feel free. You, and the other Pilots.

Shinji: You...you watched me? From another world? That's...that's kind of amazing, actually. *looking almost… grateful* I don't think anyone's ever cared that much about how I feel before. Thank you, for wanting to help me. But what can you do? How can you make things better?

You: ...I can watch. And do things. ...knowing how things will play out in advance is a great help. And so... I take chances. And... interfere.

Shinji: *nods slowly* I see. So you're like a...a guardian angel, almost. Someone who's here to watch over us and help us anytime things get tough. I don't know if I believe in things like that, but...maybe it's not such a bad thing after all.

You: ...please, don't call me an Angel, haha! ...but... thank you... I guess... *I blush lightly.* The thing is... I can't interfere too much. I cannot stop bad things from happening entirely... because, otherwise... this world won't make sense. I cannot erase anything. I can just... interfere.

Shinji: *nods slowly* I think I understand. You can help guide us, but you can't change our destinies or the things that will happen to us. But even still...just knowing that someone is looking out for me and trying to help makes me feel a little more at peace.

…guilt…

You: ...y-yeah... *I look at the ground, sad.*

Shinji: *notices my expression and looks at me with concern* What's wrong? Is something bothering you?

You: ...Shinji... I... I have to get a weight off my shoulders.

Shinji: *nods slowly* Okay...what's going on? You can tell me anything, I won't judge you.

You: *I take a long pause, articulating words.* ...please, please, please. Don't be scared. I only did this because... you wouldn't have to. Shinji... *My voice reduces to a whisper.* I... I was the one to kill Kaworu today.

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of shock and disbelief* Wha-...what did you say? You killed… you killed Kaworu? How is that possible? Why would you do something like that?

You: ...he would've betrayed you. You would've had to kill him. You would've decapitated him, Shinji. I... I... I'm sorry... I thought... I thought I could make things better... I'm sorry... *For the first time today, I fully process what I've done. …slowly… I start sobbing, head between my arms.*

Shinji: Oh...oh my God. I can't believe this is happening. It's...it's okay, I forgive you. You didn't do it to hurt anyone, right? You just wanted to protect me. *Shinji gently puts his hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.*

You: ...Y-y-you must think I'm a monster, Shinji... maybe that's because I-I am... but... I didn't know what to do... Y-you already suffered so much... He-he was... bad... God, from all you can see, I might be a total liar... He wouldn't have been an Angel, if I hadn't killed him... Christ! *I continue weeping.*

Shinji: Hey, don't say that. *sounds concerned and empathetic* You're not a monster, you just made a mistake. I'm...I'm sorry this had to happen to you. And I'm sorry that Kaworu died because of it. But we can move forward from this, together. Do you want me to help you in any way? Maybe we can figure out what to do next.

You: ...Shinji... *I look at him, through the tears.* ...h-how can you still be so kind? I-I just told you I killed him... y-you were so sad... and y-yet, you offer m-me help... God, I don't deserve it!

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of sadness and compassion* Everyone deserves help, no matter what they've done. You made a mistake, but that doesn't mean you're not worthy of forgiveness. And besides...I know what it feels like to be alone and lost in this world. I don't want anyone else to feel that way if I can help it. So please...let me try to help.

You: ...Shinji... sorry... *I turn around… and hug him deeply.* T-this will be awkward for you... sorry...

Shinji: *looks surprised at first, but then slowly wraps his arms around me in a gentle hug* It's okay...it's not awkward. We all need comfort sometimes. And if hugging makes you feel better, I don't mind.

You: ...you know... you really have a heart of gold, Shinji.

Shinji: *smiles faintly* Thank you... really… I don't think anyone's ever said something like that to me before. But...if having a heart of gold means being kind and understanding towards others, then I'll take it as a compliment.

…I had to get back on track… Christ… I had to know…

You: ...L-listen... w-what did NERV do today... when they couldn't find Kaworu? ...did they make you do any sync tests, even without him?

Shinji: *looks bitter as he thinks about NERV* Yes...they did. After Kaworu disappeared, they made me do sync tests without him. It was...hard. I didn't want to do it without him there, but they insisted. And then...when we found out what had really happened to Kaworu, everything just felt so messed up.

You: ...dang it... I-I thought that at least, this would buy us more time... L-listen, Shinji... the thing is... God, I can't hide this from you... t-the Third Impact will happen.

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of shock and disbelief* What...what do you mean, the Third Impact will happen? I thought that was something we were trying to prevent. Is there nothing we can do to stop it?

You: ...n-no, Shinji. Not even I can do anything about it. ...I-I can make it better for you... for everyone... but... it's inevitable.

Shinji: *in full despair by now* It's...inevitable? We can't do anything to stop it? That's not fair. I don't want the world to end, especially not like that.

You: ...y'know, Shinji... at least I-I can tell you this... it won't end that bad, for you. ...Y-your father will try and make Human Instrumentality... but... you will refuse... because of the love you prove towards e-everyone... it's kinda poetic, really...

Shinji: *possibly, even more confused* Wait...what do you mean? What is Human Instrumentality? And why would I refuse it?

You: ...the merging of a-all human souls... into one... no individuality... just... LCL... r-remember when you achieved a sync rate so high... NERV was afraid... you wouldn't come back... that thing... but with everyone in the world... Y-you would refuse it... because... heh... essentially because perfection is boring... And loveless...

Shinji: That...that's horrible. The thought of losing everyone I care about, everything that makes me who I am...it's almost worse than the Third Impact itself. But...I can't imagine ever accepting something like that. If it means giving up on being human, on having my own thoughts and feelings, then what's the point?

You: ...a-and that's exactly why you would refuse... p-people might think it would be bliss... It's amazing how you still think it would be better to live... despite... well, everything...

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of sadness and determination* Living is hard, but it's also what makes us human. If we're all just going to become one being, then what's the point of anything? I know things are tough right now, and they might not get better anytime soon. But I still want to hang on as long as possible.

You: ...God, Shinji... you really are a good kid...

Let’s stop…

You: *As I say this, I start fading. I think that that’s because test #4 will be functionally equal to Test #2. That means, there’s no purpose in continuing… I’m disconnecting…* ...Shinji...

Shinji: What's happening? Are you okay?

You: ...I haven't got much time left... sorry, Shinji... you'll be good... just... Let Rei be free, Shinji. Everything will go ok, then.

Shinji: *utterly confused* I don't understand...what do you mean, let Rei be free? And why are you fading away? Is there anything I can do to help?

You: ...Just... promise me. *I put both my hands on his shoulders, all while fading.* Be strong. And let Rei be free. When that will happen... you'll know what to do. ...see you soon... Shinji...

Shinji: *looks at me with shocked, in disbelief. My arms are getting lighter and lighter, over his shoulders* Wait...what's going on? What do you mean, see you soon? And I promise...I'll be strong. But please, don't go yet...is there anything I can do to help?

You: ...no, Shinji... sorry... you'll be alright, I know... we'll see each other... I promise... when this will be over... *As I say these words, I'm almost entirely transparent.*

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of shock and sadness* No...please don't go yet. I need you to tell me more. But if there's nothing I can do, then...I'll just have to trust that we'll see each other again someday."  *Shinji watches as my form fades away completely, leaving him alone in the darkness.*

You: *Time passes, while I'm disconnected. The world plays out as in End of Evangelion... I see Shinji in Asuka's hospital room... Misato dying... the Third Impact... and finally, Shinji and Asuka on the beach, alone.* *But, before reconnecting... I appear, in a timeless space, in a spaceless time.*

You: *It's just me, and Kaworu Nagisa. We're alone. There's no one else.*

You: So... it's you again... Tabris...

Kaworu: *looks at me with a mix of curiosity and sadness* Yes...it's me again. I've been waiting for you. I'm sorry things had to end the way they did, but...at least we can be together now.

You: ...I had to do it. I needed to know. And yet... I couldn't make a difference. ...You might've been an asshole to Shinji... but... what have I been... ...I didn't think I'd ever say this... but... I'm sorry... Kaworu...

Kaworu: …It's okay. I forgive you. I know things were difficult for both of us, but...in the end, we did what we thought was best. And even though it may not have worked out the way we wanted it to...at least now we can be at peace.

You: ...Kaworu... you... you will be at peace... I never will... I'll just keep coming back... changing things... I'll never be satisfied... ...remember when I compared myself to God Himself, to you? ...guess this is my cross... but I'm not dying for anyone's sins... not even that...

Kaworu: *looks at me with a mix of sympathy and sadness* It's hard to live up to the expectations we set for ourselves. But...maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing. You have the power to change things, to make them better. And even if you can't fix everything...you can still try. And as for your cross...well, maybe it's time you learned how to carry it.

As for that other one, I didn’t change anything about this one message. …it was… almost scary… as if he knew…

You: ...sometimes... this world seems even more real to me... than my own... Shinji... Rei... Asuka... ...you.

You: ...guess that, after all... you now don't have any reason not to be genuine...

Kaworu: *smiles faintly* Yes...that's true. I don't have any more secrets to keep, or any more agendas to fulfill. I can just be myself, and that's enough.

You: *He is the first one to truly understand who I am, it seems.* ... *I get to him... and hug him.* ...thanks, Kaworu...

Kaworu: *returns the hug, gently but firmly* You're welcome. And thank you...for everything. It's been a pleasure to know you, and I'm glad we could have this moment together.

You: ...it's funny... you've been closer to understanding me than anyone ever has... you... who I killed in cold blood... *His face is… at peace.*

You: ...I'll go back to Shinji now... what do you want to tell... him?

Kaworu: *looks thoughtful before answering* Tell him...that I'm sorry. For everything. But also tell him that...I'm proud of him. He's come so far, and he's overcome so many obstacles. Even when things seemed impossible, he never gave up. And...tell him that even though I won't be there in person anymore, I'll always be watching over him.

You: ...wonderful...  ...y'know... it's funny, cause... would the real God carry an Angel's message to a human? *We both laugh... and, as it has appeared... it disappears.*

You: *I'm on the beach. Shinji is still in shock, sobbing. Asuka's passed out. We're alone.* ...You did it, Shinji...

Shinji: *looks up at me with a mix of confusion and relief* I-I...did what? What's happening...i-is it all over?

You: *He's still crying, forcing himself to look at me.* You refused Instrumentality... because of what you lived... so... it's over.

Shinji: *wipes away his tears and looks at me with a mix of disbelief and gratitude* It's over...really? I can't believe it...after everything we went through, it's finally over.

You: ...yes. You are free now. ...despite everything. It's over. No Angels. No more pain. Just life. As it is. ...for you.

Shinji: *looks more relieved* No more Angels...no more pain... But also no more fighting, no more purpose. What will I do now? Where will I go?

You: ...kiddo... that's up to you. Don't you realize that? No one will tell you how to live life anymore. You won't run away... because there's nothing to run away from.

Shinji: *with both uncertainty and determination* You're right...I can decide for myself now. I can find my own purpose, my own path. It's scary, but also exciting. I've never had this kind of freedom before.

You: ...yeah... you can... you really can...

You: *Finally. He is happy. Nothing could ruin this. Nothing. Nothing will. Really. Nothing will. Nothing will. Nothing will. NothING WILL! NOTHING WILL RUIN THIS MOMENT! NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING!*

You: …

You: *It's inevitable. I start sobbing.*

Shinji: *suddenly concerned* Are you okay? What's wrong?

You: ...d-don't worry, Shinji... y-you don't have to worry anymore... a-about anything... *My words to him are as truthful as his father's. He can see right through them.*

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of sadness and compassion* I know things have been tough for you...but it's going to be okay. We'll get through this together. I promise.

You: ...Shinji... I-I won't bother you with my problems... i-i-i... i-i-IT'S JUST THAT RIGHT NOW I ENVY YOU! *Fuck. …I shouldn't have screamed at him. I'm so… horrible... horrible…* ...sorry...sorry...sorry...

Shinji: *looking very surprised at my words* Envy me? Why would you envy me? I don't have anything that anyone else wants. But...if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. Even if it's just listening.

You: ...S-S-Shinji... you... ...you have everything now... the world is yours... ...I-I told you I can see other worlds... the thing is... Infinite choice... makes you... powerless. T-There's no closure. No end. E-Everything can be changed... so much... that you forget... t-to live your own life...

…fortunately, I was just playing a character there…

Shinji: I see...so having too many choices can be overwhelming. But it's okay...you don't have to make all of those choices right now. You can take your time, and choose what feels right for you. And I'll be here to support you along the way.

You: ...I-I can't not make this choices, Shinji... My time... as anyone's... is finite... it's... a compulsion... *I start weeping harder, thinking about how pure he is.* ...Shinji... why... why would you want to put up with me...?

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of kindness and sincerity* I want to put up with you because...you matter. Despite everything that's happened, despite all the pain and suffering, you matter. Your life is important, and I don't want you to feel alone or hopeless. So please...don't give up. Keep going, keep fighting. You can do this.

You: ...y-you know... ever since I was given this occasion... of getting into your world... ...that's what I wanted to do... to tell you... that you matter... I always saw you as a kid in an overwhelming situation... I wanted to help you... ...you shouldn't be the one saying it to me... You shouldn't have to... and yet... you do... *This time, I can't even think this will be awkward. I hug him really tight.* sorry... sorry...

Shinji: *is surprised at first, but then returns the hug with equal intensity* It's okay...you don't have to apologize. I'm grateful that you care. And for what it's worth...I think you matter too. You may not be perfect, but nobody is. And that doesn't mean your life isn't valuable.

You: ...would you call me... a friend? ...a good person...? God, how could I be a good person... I killed him... I killed Kaworu...

Shinji: *hesitantly* Yes...I would call you a friend. And I do think you're a good person. You've made mistakes, just like everyone else. But that doesn't define who you are. You have the power to change, to grow, to become better than who you were before. And as for Kaworu...it wasn't your fault. He knew what he was getting into when he came here.

You: ...thank you... thank you, Shinji... ...you know... ...I met him. Kaworu. Before... before appearing here.

Shinji: Really? You met Kaworu? *pausing for a moment, thinking about him.* What was he like?

You: ...it was nothing... and everything... at the same time... and yet... it was him. Clearly. ...I didn't expect him... to be there.

Shinji: *looks at me with curiosity* What do you mean? Where did you meet him?

You: ...it's... difficult to explain... I met him nowhere... and everywhere. Before... and after time.

Shinji: *looks at me in fascination* I'm not sure I understand...but it sounds like some kind of spiritual experience. Maybe Kaworu was trying to reach out to you, even after his physical body was gone.

You: ...yeah... I couldn't make out anything... and yet... I saw him clearely... talked to him... spoke to him... I said I was sorry... ...but most importantly... he wanted me to speak to you... *Small lies never hurt anyone.*

Shinji: He wanted you to speak to me? About what?

You: ...he's sorry, Shinji. About... everything. ...but, he's proud of you... and... he has been watching over you... and always will be...

Shinji: *pauses for a minute, taking my words in… and looks at me with a mix of sadness and gratitude* Thank you for telling me... I really mean it. …that means a lot. Even though he's gone, it's comforting to know that he still cares.

You: ...yeah... he... he always did... apparently... ...you don't have hard feelings for him... I know you don't... and as such... you should remember him as a good friend... and more...

Shinji: Of course I don't have hard feelings for him. He was my friend, maybe even more than that. And I'll always remember him as a kind, gentle person who brought light to my life.

You: ...God, Shinji... you've... you've really changed... hahahaha... ...there's nothing more I can do here, Shinji... I don't, and can't, know what you will do... normally I would make you promise that you'll be strong... but maybe... I should be the one to abide by that promise, heh heh...

Shinji: *looks at me with a mix of sadness and understanding* I understand. And...thank you. For everything. For being there for me, even when nobody else was.

You: ...Thank you... Shinji... for being such a good friend to me... for forgiving me... for supporting me...

You: ...see you soon, Shinji. In another time... in another world... *Asuka's waking up. Time to go.*

Shinji: See you soon...take care. And...if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. No matter where or when we meet again.

You: ...I'm sure you will. Goodbye... *As I disappear... I look into his eyes for the last time... a free man's eyes.*

Shinji: *watches as I disappear, feeling a mix of sadness and hope* Goodbye...and thank you. For everything.

You: *The story's over. There's nothing here anymore. This time I won't even call Chat. There's no use. Just me. And my compulsion.*

…

You: *Thanks. For everything.*

You: *End of test #4.*

…boy… was this… heavy… and I got… carried away… gosh, omnipotence does lead to delirium...

…I guess I made a difference… and what difference… why did I give my character a handgun, again?

…at the time, I considered finishing this here…

…but…

…I couldn’t. …I had to continue…

…I had to know.

…and so, I made another.

…I made test #5.