#but i mean... it had to be cassian duh

[andorerso]

Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I.

JYN APPRECIATION WEEK 2024 | @jynappreciationsquad

↳ Day 3: Favorite Relationship: Jyn & Cassian

[glossamerfaerie]

ACOTAR characters and the solar eclipse

Cassian: stares directly at the hidden sun without protective glasses, the dummy.

Nesta: whacks Cassian for his stupidity. She is unamused by her mate tackling her into his arms and flying straight into the clouds. Once she stops scowling and struggling, Nesta is quietly awed by how beautiful the sky looks. They spend the next few hours in the skies, flying north and following the eclipse’s path to the Illyrian mountains.**

Gwyn: hangs out in the training ground with her fellow priestesses, Emerie, and Azriel. Cassian had grabbed Nesta in the middle of training, and everyone else had agreed to pause their drills to admire the sky. While the priestesses and Emerie chatter amongst themselves, Gwyn notices that Az has removed himself from the group and is standing near the weapon rack. Gwyn approaches Az, teasing him that as a Shadowsinger, the eclipse is a triumphant moment for the shadows to come out and conquer the training ground. A puzzled Az asks what she means. Gwyn shrugs, explaining that she’d noticed that the shadows avoid direct sunlight and stay away during morning training. She’d only ever seen them at night or inside the house, you see. At these words, the shadows cautiously exit the House of Wind — but they don’t swarm the darkened training ground like Gwyn expected. Instead the shadows stay close to Gwyn for the duration of the eclipse. Gwyn laughs in delight and pretends to bat them away in jest. When the returning sunshine marks the end of the eclipse, the shadows don’t disappear into the safety of the house. To Az’s shock, the shadows hover around Gwyn for the rest of training, seemingly immune to their fear of sunlight for the first time ever.

Feyre, Rhys, and Nyx: Feyre has ensured that Nyx can’t take off his protective glasses by accident, taping them securely to the back of his head. When the eclipse starts, Nyx gets very upset and starts bawling — not because he’s scared of the dark, but because this has never happened before and it’s scary. Feyre quickly uses her Day Court power to light up her body, distracting Nyx and providing a source of light. When that doesn’t quell the crying, Rhys comes over and does his Night Court blanket of darkness trick, coating the River House with his power and stars. It’s still dark, but Nyx is familiar with this kind of darkness and stops fussing. 🥹

Elain: watches the eclipse in her garden. Alone. When the sun disappears, Elain suddenly, desperately, irrationally wishes for Luci sunshine. She wishes for sunshine, nothing else. Elain is relieved when the world goes back to normal an hour later, chalking up her pesky thoughts to temporary insanity and sun deprivation.

Helion: there’s no solar eclipse in the Day Court, duh. The Prythian path of totality has a random break between the Dawn and Night courts. Even science and gravitational physics have to obey the court borders, obviously. Rhys did invite Helion to view the eclipse in Velaris, but Helion declined. He’d attended a previous eclipse centuries ago and felt his magic wane during the phenomenon; while beautiful to witness, Helion has no desire to experience that vulnerability again after Amarantha’s imprisonment.***

————

I wrote this out very quickly and missed some folks — I’d love to know how you think the characters would react! Wanna add your own take? Feel free to reblog or comment. ☀️🌄☀️

** Yes, I know the eclipse travelled southwest in the real world, but let’s pretend it can go north. I don’t know if that’s possible with science 😭

*** Idea shamelessly stolen from Avatar: The Last Airbender 😅 Hey, it makes sense!

[gwynsdefenseattorney]

✨✨Friendly Reminder✨✨

DISCLAIMER: This is no hate to Elain, I don’t hate her, I do like her. Take your shit elsewhere. The question was kinda dumb…imo at least.

Gwyn got Azriel to reveal something PERSONAL when he admitted that he could in fact sing. Versus Elain Archeron and her “can you truly fly?” Thats the big deal. We learned something NEW from a question Gwyn asked vs. a duh kinda question from Elain.

Also tell me you don’t know what a Shadowsinger is without telling us. Being a Shadowsinger isn’t anything to do with singing, it’s a type of fae. Please put the books down and step away from them cause girliepop 😳 no he’s never mentioned that he can sing, unless….are you claiming he did it OFF PAGE? 🤭…and while we are on the topic of off page….

sweetheart off page means it wasn’t WRITEN in the book. Like in ACOSF we know the boys had their snowball fight, Cassian tells us it happened, Azriel tells us it happened but we never see it on page. On page we see it happen on page. Like Nesta’s slumber party with Emerie and Gwyn, it’s actual text we can READ. Bless your heart. 🫶🏻

[decadentpostnachos-evil-twin]

See a more or less short rendition of my experiences when I first read the acotar series (Three years ago?) beneath the cut. I purposefully misspelled some names, I don't feel like getting death threats from obsessive stans tonight. Bisou x

The funniest thing for me is that I started reading acotar spoiled and biased. I got the recommendation from TikTok, and everyone there was raving about Fey/sand and hating on Tamlin. So naturally, I started acotar being prepared to hate Tamlin and yearningly wait for Rice sand to make an appearance.

How the tables turned with that.

First of all, I was whipped for Lucien the moment he first appeared. (I have also been in the Eris corner ever since...2021? Or so, when there was literally one piece of writing for him and that was some headcanons. Anyway.)

Secondly, I folded for Tamlin too, against my expectations when hearing people say he was a nasty abuser and Rice sand is the feminist king. Like, I was prepared for Tamlin to be the biggest prick, and then he came along with lines like "I play a mean fiddle" or "I love you, thorns and all" and writing Limericks to help Feyrug learn to read, and he was fumbling so bad, it was just absolutely cute.

And when Rice sand made his first appearance, I was underwhelmed. At that point, I had only heard people sing praise about him and how perfect he is, and he was just the prick I expected Tamlin to be.

Utm was disgusting, and fundamented my dislike for Rice sand because he was giving Sex offender in the worst way possible.

Acomaf came along and I was kinda happy to have things "back to normal". And then everything went to shit, Tamlin was completely disregarded and vilified, as was Lucien. And Feyrug began sucking Rice sands dick. I was so disappointed, and I clung to any crumb of Lucien and Tamlin I could get, especially after the Summer Court debacle and the CoN whore thing, because that was just disgusting.

Acowar sold my soul to Eris, to the point of no return. I was an Eris girl before that, but after? Altered my brain chemistry. There's hardly anything he can do at this point to make me not like him. It also festered my hate for the Ic even more, and I began to really despise Feyrug too. I wanted to burn the book when Rice sand was resurrected, because I had hoped that he'd just stay dead atp.

Acofas was a train wreck and the only good things about it were the one appearance Eris and Lucien had each. The rest was either cringey or anger inducing, or both combined. My villain origin story.

Acosf... I hate how she treated Nesta. My girl deserves better fr. I despised Cassian's povs, except for the ones where Eris was present. (Duh) Once again, only a few good things about this book. Those being Eris, Lucien and the Valkyries. The pregnancy plotline sucks ass, and if I see one more Rice sand lover saying Eris is misogynistic for saying Morningan dresses like a slut while defending Rice sand for the shit he pulled with the pregnancy because "he just wanted to protect Feyrug" and still calling him feminist, I'm going to have an aneurism.

I went into this series biased. I literally hadn't even opened the first book and already thought Tamlin sucks and Rice sand is the greatest salvation. It was deeply ingrained in my mind before I even read the series. And even then, I came out hating Rice sand and his AA circle of life and loving everyone the popular narrative told me to hate. So no, I'm not delusional for liking the characters I do. People who blindly stan the Ic just lack reading comprehension or the will to think about what they are reading for more than five seconds because there's nothing more they want to know than the length of bad imitation Batman's cock.

[starsreminisce]

I didn’t intend for this to be so long I apologize in advance😭

Have you or anyone mentioned this before?

What if when Elain and Lucien had their ambiguous meetup in WAR,.. what if Elain wanted to give Lucien a peck or a hug and be in the comfort of her stranger(!) mate and was drawn to him in a way she couldn’t fathom which is why she now keeps clear of him. It’s not hate, it could be confusion. People really exaggerate her being freaked out of the feeling of the bond. It is because SHE IS AWARE of it. We know this, Elain knows this, Lucien knows this, her sisters know this… there’s no need for readers to be all shocked pikachu face about Elain currently not wanting to be around Lucien. Nesta and Feyre or mostly anyone (especially someone like Elain who misses their old life) would’ve reacted similarly. If you’re only seeing the couple/pair and not the individual, isn’t it then harder to figure out what motivates that individual? Elain’s decision-making won’t have to do with someone else, that’s her own thing. What happens after a couple is formed is another thing (i.e. Feyre in TAR and MAF vs Feyre in WAR and SF where she makes plenty of decisions as a unit with Rhys aka when a couple gives into one another fully)

Yk, I can imagine it’s much scarier when you feel a pull to someone while knowing that somehow you both are connected biologically.. and they happen to be someone you just met. Feyre and Nesta were scared too when they found out they had mates! Heck they were a little intimidated when they first met the guys who were going to be their mates (duh they were among scary fae)

I think people tend to forget that Feyre and Nesta also took their time at different points of their own journey and in their relationships to figure out what kind of future they wanted. And they did this while away from their mates (i.e. Feyre accepted the bond before she gave Rhys her heart and body, so a more traditional romance approach, while she was alone at the cabin. And Nesta wanted to keep it strictly physical w/o the bond. Meaning keeping her heart/feelings out of it bc of her low self-worth. The aftermath of her fight w/ Cassian was spent with Emerie and Gwyn).

It’s actually perfect that Lucien is constantly away from Elain right now because otherwise it would all be much harder for her to process the situation she’s in. This exact courtesy given to Feyre and to Nesta by the author (all of this isn’t my thought I know this point has been made a lot!). Again, if we only think in terms of romance and not the individual then it’s going to be harder to understand why a character is making a certain choice

Idk how readers are interpreting these male characters but do they really think these males are they type to be like “we are now bound together, accept the bond or else; you must obey and come with me” I mean, SJM even found a way for Rhys to whisk away Feyre with her consent!

I think SJM likes showing different ways mates end up together and she’ll “select” a couple to demonstrate that. For example, Feysand= mates which one person isn’t aware of the bond because they grew up human, and it snapped for the fae without them revealing it to their mate and etc, etc. Elain and Lucien just happen to be the fated mates who had their bond snapped before they knew who the other was! Honestly SJM could’ve had any of her other couples go through with this. But also maybe there’s a specific reason- which she knows- for why she choose it for Elucien. Maybe it fits their characters best?

Authors are just puppet masters pulling at strings and coming up with possibilities y’all! There’s no need to act like these characters were done dirty because it was designed that way, pls for the love of the Mother. All that means is you have a problem with the story or writing and that’s not gonna change. So maybe it’s best for some people to look for other content?

Anyway- Elain is right now in the series taking the time to figure out what she wants (like her sisters did when they learned of their bonds!!) Maybe SJM could’ve elaborated with Feyre and Nesta and how they considered their options for the future? Lets be fr there’s a few details that SJM leaves out which tends to be important for the readers but not to her (maybe). But anyways the difference with Elain? She’s taking her time to decide and figure out the bond situation outside of her own book. As soon as Elain’s book is out why would she need to be away from Lucien any longer? Feyre had reason to be away from Rhys in MAF.- tamlin, her human life, etc. Nesta wanted to stay away from Cass at the beginning of SF because what even is a mate plus her self-worth issues. Do we wanna see this again with an Archeron in a whole book or rather it happening in the sidelines this time around? I mean with an Elain (Elucien) book they then have to be near each other at some point. NOW their story is beginning. I just expect it to have a happy ending:) <— Elain staying away from Lucien now but not later isn’t an original thought, I know this point has been made by many blogs!! Sooo I think this is what SJM is doing. Keeping them at a distance in the meantime. Because they won’t need it at some point.

It’s going to be different in Elain’s book because who wants a repeat of how Feyre and Nesta dealt with their bonds and their mates! We want some difference in the romance with each couple and how they handle big revelations! Authors love stepping out of their norm and showing variety, surely SJM will do that!

P.S this msg had a lot going on so if there’s anything you’d like clarification for pls feel free to say so :)

It's all good!

If there is one thing that SJM appears to have an issue with regarding fated pairs, it's the idea of instant love that often comes with fated mate tropes. She weaves into her narrative a desire to demonstrate why these pairs are perfect for each other and what her idea of a perfect match looks like.

As Elriel shippers and other non-shippers begin to realize, the bond itself serves as the primary conflict in Elain and Lucien’s story. It's something they both will tackle and eventually come to accept because this bond is now an intrinsic part of them. That's what I personally anticipate and look forward to in their story.

Upon rereading ACOMAF, I found my perspective shifted. Despite Feyre and Rhysand's bond snapping after Under the Mountain, Feyre still entertained thoughts of her upcoming wedding and pondered her future alongside Tamlin, all while feeling guilty and inexplicably drawn to Rhys. It wasn't until spending more time with Rhysand that Feyre began to recognize their shared desire to protect loved ones. This shift in perspective was crucial for Feyre, who grappled with her past actions, including the deaths of innocent faeries, and came to the realization that Rhysand had supported her far more than Tamlin had during her trials.

Rhysand's actions spoke volumes about his commitment to Feyre, even when she was unaware of his feelings. Conversely, it's somewhat frustrating when critics question why Lucien didn't do more for Feyre, especially when ACOMAF emphasizes the unique and profound nature of the mating bond. Lucien's efforts to support Feyre are acknowledged, but it's clear that Rhysand played a significant role in keeping her grounded. Similarly, Lucien's understanding of Elain's needs and his efforts to help her, such as demanding she be exposed to sunlight in ACOWAR, further illustrate the difference of their connection.

While there are limitations to the bond, it's unfair to hold Lucien to the same standard as Rhysand. Lucien and Feyre share a close bond, but they are not mates. Their relationship is distinct from Feyre's bond with Rhysand, which offers a unique level of support and understanding.

Similarly, Lucien demonstrated his understanding of Elain's needs in ACOWAR by demanding she be brought outside to the sun, just as Rhysand knew the music and images of the Night Court would help Feyre.

The passage of time is felt more keenly in Elucien's story compared to Feysand's and Nessian's. Feyre met Rhysand in Calanmai, saw him only once after a month, and then spent much of her time with Rhys Under the Mountain in a drugged state before returning home. It was only after two months that Rhys called in the bargain after Feyre reached out for help.

Nessian isn't exempt from this, either. There were four months between the war and Nesta and Cassian's confrontation, followed by another nine months before Cassian was sent to Nesta's apartment under orders for an intervention.

The difference lies in our experience of Elucien's time apart from each other. They are still included in other's stories, whereas we receive only a brief mention of the time lapse before the start of Feysand's and Nessian's story.

I often wonder if Nesta's and Elain's story drew inspiration from ACOMAF as some sort of "what if" scenario. For instance, what if Rhysand had decided to rescue Feyre himself, considering he kept hearing her vomiting, and that's what ACOSF explores? Or what if Rhysand hadn't winnowed away after their bond snapped after Under the Mountain, but instead blurted out to Feyre, rather than Mor, that she was his mate? Then Feyre went back to the Spring Court knowing she was Rhysand's mate. That is the essence of Elucien's story.

SJM does love to show the variations of the bond snapping. For instance, Kallias and Vivianne's bond snapped after they were married, Miryam was a slave present to Drakon, and Drakon set her free. Miryam had a relationship with Jurian, and while Jurian was seducing Clythia, that's when Miryam's and Drakon's bond snapped. We don't know when Tamlin's parents' bond snapped, but we do know that Rhysand's parents' bond snapped the first time they met, and Rhysand's father did not give his mother the freedom to decide what to do, even after he had saved her.

Elain is the only one among the sisters who knew about the bond firsthand. She knows that whatever she is feeling towards Lucien is a result of that bond. It's interesting to note that both Elain and Lucien, who spent most of their lives suppressing their needs and settling in their environments, have similar experiences. Lucien was severely punished for making waves, whereas Elain grew up with two sisters with big personalities who had no issues rocking the boat. Consequently, Elain does what she can to avoid being a problem. This is where the conflict of the bond comes in - Elain was engaged to someone she loved despite the short amount of time to be told “well, actually, your soulmate is this person. That person who told you that they love you actually hates you because of what you are now.”

This is also the first scenario where Elain actually gets to tell someone what to do. She isn't trying to argue against or support someone. For the first time, Lucien is giving her autonomy for the decision and the space to make it.

I personally believe that SJM was so confident in her match between Elain and Lucien that she mated them almost instantly, pulling back any further conversation beyond their initial discussion. In ACOSF, Cassian and Nesta primarily think of them as a package deal because whenever Elain does something, there's usually a comment about where Lucien is or isn't. It's also extremely telling that their only interaction in the book is with Lucien still looking at her with longing, while Elain acts the opposite towards the only person she cannot hide her real emotions from.

If Elain wouldn't reject the bond in someone else's book, including the novella that includes multiple people, then we should also be asking why Elain would act a certain way towards Lucien, except for the one thing that will absolutely cement that we know she doesn't like him.

It's been two years since it was revealed that Elain and Lucien are mates. The reason why she resisted this long deserves more than a hundred pages (roughly part one) of her book.

[ae-neon]

I would be lying if i say Feyre secretly like the idea that she can command her family. We see it when they were poor. Yeah, I get it. Papa doesnt want to work , we dont have food.

Feyre hunt. Yeah, our breadwinner. But she bring home also this bossy and commanding attitude. I thought it was just her way to cope with her fear of having to hunt and losing money to eat. Maybe it is her mask, her wall to shield herself from fear and anxiety being in the wood or not wanting her family to worry about her.

But, she gained comfort. Safety,provided and it became clear. Her attitude and controlling thing became more obvious as she ascended as High Lady. I dont realize the scene in acotar 2 where she "wish rhys could force her sibling to work with them" . Tf, who are you to force your sibling? You are no longer their breadwinner, Tamlin is (cuz give them money but papa archeron manage it and now they are rich).

But i sense it the moment the batboy first enter the Archeron manner and Feyre did nothing when the batboy make offensive comment to her sister. Say what you want, but i grew up in one wld and unhealthy sibling. Nobody can say bad word to my sibling except for me and vice versa. Nobody can call me bitch except my sibling. The same thing i mean girl 'its only okay when I say it'- Janis. There is boundary between the family and the outsider. And then feyre let them????? I thought their relationship heal in the last book????

Why the sudden cold between sibling?

And then we got Acosf. Omg, the anger I feel when feyre say things like 'what people gonna say if I cant control my sister. How will they trust me to govern?'

CONTROLL??? you admit it yourself here you wanted to control your sister, feyruhhhh???

And it was never about helping Nesta in the first place? If nesta didnt use the tab or money, will IC intervent her?

I knew Feyre like the power she wield. We see it with nesta. Guilty of it? Maybe like 48% of it but the rest is this feeling knowing your sibling will listen to you.

Then we have Nesta. Smart Nesta, educated Nesta, prized by their mother. I can sense this lead to a huge mommy issue for Nesta and Feyre. Nesta became the daughter and stripped of her worth to fit her mother dream daughter while Feyre leaves by her own. Tending her own loneliness.

One thing i notice of feyre is, she is too quick making a conclusion of one thing. Like how she conclude that Nesta will be a burden when she marry Tomas. She dont see Nesta perspective where she is trying to save her family, especially Elain.

If Feyre should not control her sibling then who should? Nobody should. I dont people came out to me and say 'oh you want nesta in charge because she elder'. Duh no.

They all should respect each other, support where it is needed and care for each other. But of course, no individual is flawless or perfect.

But the attempt to control? Oh feyre, i knew you secretly like it. It give you sense of authority. We see her losing her own authority in the IC, perhaps controlling her sibling is the only one left to her.

Friends? IC

Mate ? He established the IC.

Court? Handle by her mate. Where part she handle?

Education in prythian? I don't see it here. And rhys seem content letting her believe what she want. All goes to Rhys when it comes to decision making.

Her siblings are the only one that left. God, i feel bad for Nesta and Elain. They r trapped. Elain at least can escape to Day court once Lucien is recognized as their heir. But Nesta? Nuh-uh. A cursed indeed to Nesta and Cassian mating bond.

Hello anon

I agree with you. I think Feyre likes the idea of control. In her defence this is probably a coping mechanism from the cabin years where she felt like her mother's promise forced her into action.

But those are just her feelings, it's just her trauma, and unfortunately sjm gave up on addressing Feyre as a flawed, developing character when she had to make Feyre infallible so her view of Rhysand cannot be questioned by the reader.

I also agree that the "control" shouldn't be with Nesta just cause she's the eldest. She's also traumatized and coping with unhealthy methods.

Here's where my opinion might be controversial. (Disclaimer, I'm definitely for the sisters being the centre of this story and their relationship being key but I don't think that's the reality of what sjm wrote)

I think it's easy to see from the meeting in acomaf right up to the reason for the "intervention" that Feyre considers the IC equal or more important than her sisters.

That's fine, whatever, it's her life.

But she did something way worse.

Nesta has no choice if the "choice" is do what I want or suffer. That is called the Illusion of Choice. It's not real, it's coercion.

Feyre should not have offered that false choice. She should have simply cut Nesta off. That's her right (doesn't matter if we think it's morally correct or not)

If it embarrassed her so much why didn't she quietly ask Rhys to stop giving Nesta money?

But she insisted on using her political and financial advantage to dictate how Nesta should live. Control is Feyre's coping mechanism, yes, but when combined with her power over Nesta's physical, financial and political well being? That becomes abuse, whether she means to or not.

And I think you're right, in the end Feyre ends up regressing the progress she and Nesta have made because she realises she has nothing else to control in the Night Court.

She owes too much to Rhysand for them to be equals. She is hundreds of years younger than everyone else. She is still mostly uneducated and under qualified. Everyone has a role with real, direct influence except her so in a subconscious panic Feyre decides she much control her "household"

So all over again we are suddenly back in the literal first pages of acotar where Feyre is trying to dictate Nesta's life - no matter how justified she might think she is.

I think Feyre would be lost without her sisters, Nesta in particular, because suddenly the purpose she had built her identity around "saving and protecting" no longer exists.

Maybe that's also why she got pregnant so young. She needs someone to look after and she's the youngest person in the books so only her own literal child would work.

It's probably also why there was such importance on her hunting and none on what Elain and Nesta did. Because otherwise she would have to face the fact that she wasn't the sole reason her family survived and again this role of caregiver and protector will crumble.

Of course Feyre hunted and fed her family. Of course she saved Tamlin and Prythian and defended the Rainbow.

But now the war is over and she has no core identity. She doesn't know how to help as HL, she just walks around hears sad stories and gets things for free.

Anyways it's actually sad Feyre is so lost. I wonder if sjm is gonna have her sit back for the next books now that she has a baby

[sesamestreep]

hello I would like to inquire about “sometimes characters …that aren’t narrators…are better” and also “hbd zainab 2022” if I am allowed a second one

“sometimes characters …that aren’t narrators… are better”

this is my google doc dumping ground for all my random Raphael POV versions of scenes from The Bedlam Stacks (the title is a joke and means no disrespect towards actual narrator Merrick Tremayne, who is my baby boy forever). There’s only two entries in there now. One is a scene from before Merrick and Clem arrive in Peru, between Inti and Raphael at church. The other is Raphael’s POV on the Tent Scene™️, because duh. Here’s an excerpt from the second one:

“As he shifts on the ground, trying to get comfortable, some stray motes illuminate the scars on Merrick’s back, pulled taut as he sleeps curled in on himself.  Without realizing, Raphael has stretched out his hand to bring his fingers close enough to trace the marks. He stops himself at the last possible moment, his fingertip hovering just above the skin. If Merrick had been awake, it would have been close enough to feel, but thankfully, he isn’t and Raphael is spared the embarrassment of having to explain himself. He’s not sure he could have even if he wanted to. Merrick was casual enough about the scars that day by the river, but Raphael doesn’t like the reminder that they exist. He doesn’t like to think of Merrick in pain, of all the different ways the world tried to beat him into shape and turn him into a weapon against somebody somewhere. He doesn’t like the reminder of Markham, now dead and buried in the Bedlam churchyard, the last place on earth he probably expected to end up. Merrick said he was important, from a good family, which means there’s probably a fancy mausoleum somewhere in England that will always be emptier than it’s supposed to be. Beyond that piece of information, Merrick has hardly talked about Markham since Martel showed up, but Raphael can’t imagine the death of his friend, no matter how complicated the circumstances, isn’t weighing on him.”

“hbd zainab 2022”

Can’t believe you ranked this one second in your priorities, but okay. So, my original plan for your birthday fic was not the prompt fill I ended up posting, but instead it was Modern AU for Rogue One where the gang is playing in a DnD campaign run by Bodhi, who’s getting practice as a DM before he plays the game with his students. Definitely not based on anyone I know or anything ;) I didn’t get very far with it, but here’s a bit from the beginning:

“I was hoping you’d be willing to play,” Bodhi says. “Oh, Bodhi, I—I wouldn’t be any good at that! It’s like…nerd shit.” He gives her an unimpressed look at that. “Jyn, you love Tolkien and T.H. White and Le Guin and all that shit. You love video games. You have a Twitch, for God’s sake. You love nerd shit!” “Yeah, but I mostly have a Twitch so I can get into fights with lonely, stupid men on the internet,” she says. “Besides, I’ve never played Dungeons and Dragons before!” “Which means you’ll be in the same boat as most of my students,” Bodhi points out. “And therefore your input will be very valuable to me.” “You can’t find anyone else to be your newbie?” “Well, Chirrut insists he’s never played before, but Baze insists he actually has. Either way, it was the 80s, so the rules have changed a lot since then, so he will basically be a new player. And it’s been a while for Baze too, but I know he watches Critical Role sometimes, so he’s more current on the rules and everything. And Cassian’s played a lot and been a DM plenty of times before, so he has a lot of experience—”

[moononastring]

Lucien Vanserra Week | Day V

Favorite Brotp

Now I know that this post is downright cheating however, can you really blame me? Lucien is such a social guy that it's hard not to have a favorite dynamic to choose from!

Lucien + Feyre: go back from ACOTAR days being absolute little shits together. I imagine that Lucien likes to come over and hang out with Feyre and baby Nyx often. Not to mention she is also his sister-in-law 😌

Lucien + Nesta: is a brotp I want badly because their dynamic would be hilarious. They secretly end up bonding over books and all of a sudden they have spa dates no one saw coming. She's the cool yet terrifying sis-in-law he didn't expect to like much less get along with. They're too witty for everyone around them.

Lucien + Vassa: is a bond that was forged under the worst kind of circumstances but they both have that fiery sense of humor and personality that makes them excellent friends and the worst to be around people. I like to imagine Vassa is a big cheerleader to Lucien courting Elain. He definitely takes her input when he's nervous about it.

Lucien + Jurian: are the dynamic duo of sarcastic disaster. They are the mean girls of the group when together. I like to think they look at each other just go "Bro." "Bro." while Vassa rolls her eyes in the background. Jokes on Vassa, she's the third wheel.

Lucien + Eris: I know Eris is his actual brother but since they had a less than ideal childhood, I hardly doubt they bonded much. Once Beron is dead, they slowly build a much better bond. Two redheaded dickheads unite to smirk their way through things. Lucien is still nicer than Eris. Eris still doesn't give a shit. Cue the awkward two-second hug in front of their mom and then the punch/kick that follows.

Lucien + Cassian: give off big dumb & dumber energy only because they choose to annoy the crap out of everyone around them together. This does not mean they don't actually bond over history and fighting techniques. Also, they're bro-in-laws DUH. Oh, and of course, there's their podcast. #TheNightLightPodcast

Lucien + Rhys: sudden memory loss on the strange but very brief fling they had years ago, these two bond over High Lord stuff, and how much they groan about it. They also have the same kind of sass that makes both Archeron sisters want to throttle them. Bro-in-laws unite in being annoying 🤝

@lucienvanserraweek

[hellogoodbye14]

heyy can you write one shot in which inner circle plays never have i ever??

“Good lord…. Look at those two”, said his cousin.

Feyre and Cassian were both sitting on the couch in the living room. Laughing so hard, tears were running down their faces while Feyre was punching a cushion every time a new laugh erupted. Yeap they were absolutely sotted.

“You’re just mad they raided the cellar without you Mor.”

“Duh.”

Rhys moved towards his laughing mate, coming up behind her and kissing her neck. Feyre jumped and turned around smiling. She reached up, placed a hand behind his neck and pulled him towards her for a kiss.

Cassian groaned, “ugh no no don’t ruin our fun time with your never ending make out sessions”.

Feyre giggled and pulled away while Rhys raised an eyebrow at Cassians statement. “Correct me if Im wrong but I was subjected to that just yesterday courtesy of you and Nesta…..in my office.”

Cassian shrugged and offered a wolfish smile, “doing it in places we’re not supposed to turns my girl on and I’m always happy to oblige.”

Rhys just rolled his eyes. Mor coughed, Cass and Feyre finally realised there was someone else in the room. They both turned towards the formidable blonde standing in the entryway of the living room. Both their eyes, wide…. As if they were two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“ I can explain” said Feyre, her hands raised up in surrender.

“Yes please, explain.”

Feyre pointed towards Cass, “he made me do it!”

Cassian gasped, “you little tattletale!”

Mor moved, grabbed a bottle from the table nearby and slumped right in between Cassian and Feyre.

“I need to catch up.”

Mor was just about to take a big sip when shadows suddenly entwined the walls and Azriel walked in.

“Damn he’s all sexy and broody when he walks in like that.”

Rhys chuckled, his mate was very honest when drunk. He raised his eyebrow at her “sexy and broody huh?”

Her cheeks reddened but she just shrugged, “it is what it is”

Azriel didn’t respond to the byplay and just snatched the wine bottle from Mor’s hand.

“Hey!”, she stopped her argument right there because Az was chugging straight from the bottle.

“Woah there home boy, whats going on?” Cassian asked.

Azriel remained silent and sat down in the one seater next to the sofa. Rhys knew Az was at the training ring with a certain priestess, he usually always had an amused smile after their dagger throwing sessions but lately Az seemed tightened up, as if he was exhausted trying to restrain himself.

“How about we do something fun?” Rhys suggested, trying to help out his brother from the obvious interrogation which was about to ensue.

Azriel gave him a grateful nod.

“OH MY GOD YES!” , “HELL YES” Cass and Feyre exclaimed.

Mor, “how about a game of never have I ever?”

Amren of all people entered the living room and said “hmmm I’d be down with that.”

“Seriously? You?” Said Azriel.

“Yes I love knowing everyones secrets. It shouldn’t be a surprise Shadowsinger. I certainly want to know some of yours, you’re as mysterious as they come.”

Az just chuckled as Mor handed everyone a glass of wine.

“Okay! Okay! I’ll go first! Ummmm never have I ever lied to get out of going to work”

Cassian, Azriel and Amren drank from their glasses.

“Remind me what I pay you all for again?” Rhys asked as Feyre gave them a shocked look.

Feyre was next, “umm never have I ever used someone else’s toothbrush.”

Mor and Cass took a sip from their drinks.

Rhys looked at Cassian suspiciously, “who’s did you use….”

Cass looked sheepishly at Azriel.

“You did not. Tell me you did not Cass or so help me god.”

“I did. Just once…. Okay twice.. okay damn it three times! I forget to bring necessities on long missions okay. Its not a big deal.”

Everyone chuckled as Azriel glared at Cass.

“Alright, my turn” said Azriel smirking at Cassian.

“Oh shit”

“Never have I ever shaved my head and given someone my wrong name just to get out of trouble.”

“That was a low blow”, said Cassian drinking from his cup.

Feyre’s eyes twinkled, “please elaborate”.

“Lets just say when I wrecked that ONE tiny building in the summer court, I had to do certain things in order to TRY getting out of trouble.”

Mor was snorting and laughing, “oh cauldron I remember that!”.

Even Amren smiled, “oh yes Cassian without his long luscious locks. It was a delight.”

Feyre, “I want to see!”

Rhys smiled at the memory and sent the image to Feyre telepathically.

Feyre was laughing so hard, she almost choked on her wine. “Oh I’m painting that for sure.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I obviously would. Okay Amren your turn.”

Amren smiled and said, “never have I ever had a threesome.”

Rhys, Azriel, Cassian and Mor all drank from their cups. Feyre raised an eyebrow at Amren.

“So you never did?”

Amren shrugged while picking her ruby red nails, “oh I’d be keen but most people used to be terrified of me. It was hard enough finding one forget about finding two people.”

Cassian chuckled, “I’m pretty sure young Rhys and Azriel would have volunteered.”

Rhys felt his cheeks burn and saw that his other brother was blushing red too. It was no secret that both him and his shadowsinger had once invited Amren to their beds.

“Have you guys…. “ Feyre pointed at the three Illyrians, “ever… you know.”

“No no we don’t know Feyre. Please elaborate.” said Cassian with his eyes glimmering.

“Oh you know what I mean”

Everyone laughed and Feyre looked towards her mate.

“Yes we have Feyre darling, a few times during our wild youthful years.”

“Wow”.

Rhys smirked and sent a thought down the bond. Feyre blushed and suddenly aroused energy could be felt in the room between the two mates.

“Oh for cauldrons sake, reel that back in” groaned Mor.

The mated couple laughed and smiled at one another. Rhys offered a caress down the bond and Feyre gave one back in return.

Before he knew it, his feet were moving and he was picking up Feyre.

“Hey! We were still playing!” yelled Cass, but it was all in vain. Rhysand and Feyre were too lost in eachother and were moving towards the doorway.

Feyre offered them a salute over Rhys’s shoulder and called out, “to be continued later”

[sjmsstuff]

Light and Dark

Chapter 2

A/N: hey gang, it’s chapter 2! This is not really canon compliant but if you squint real hard it is. I wrote this at 2 am and edited it during French class so I have no idea what state it’s in, please enjoy x

Chapter 1, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Warnings: Swearing (duh, it’s me), minorly nsfw but like not really, references to sexual and child abuse (not so much this chapter but probably later)

The silence pressed in the second she disappeared.

He was such an idiot.

She had been wearing his necklace though. Cauldron, how could he even call it his necklace, she didn’t know it was from him. Azriel wasn’t even entirely sure why he had given it to her but seeing it in his pile of solstice presents… that led to thoughts of Elain and after the fiasco at solstice he’d tried his best to forget about her.

Too often however, his mind meandered back to thoughts of her face, her mouth. Usually those thoughts came barging into his head late at night, when company fell asleep and his shadows disapated. Recently however those thoughts had changed.

Since solstice that mousy brown hair had taken on hues of red. Turquoise eyes closed in the throes of pleasure and a slimmer body writhed beneath him.

He was so unbelievably fucked. Or maybe the issue was that he wasn’t getting fucked.

He should Rhys’s advice and find company at a pleasure house. He must really hate himself, to lust firstly after Mor, who had shown no interest in him in 200 years. Then Elain, who was mated, and now Gwyneth, with her history she probably wouldn’t want a male to look at her for too long.

Which made him some massive creep to think of her like that. Azriel really did try not to. But when she appeared unannounced, like last night, he couldn’t help but think…

No, he wouldn’t go down that road. Not until he was fully sure she wanted it.

Azriel had beeen so surprised when a shadow curled around his ear in the stormy night and whispered of a nymph girl climbing the stairs. He was out of his seat and down the steps faster than he could consider any potential consequences.

And there she had been, standing in the hallway, looking like she might want to turn right around and march back down, but a shadow flicked against his ear, singing softly and he spoke her name.

He wanted to reach out to her, his shadows took that as a cue and tried to reach out themselves before he pulled them back. Something about her was affecting them, drawing them in. Or maybe she was affecting him like that.

That was a dangerous thought.

She had stood silent, lithe frame backlit by the torches behind her and said,

“Would you like some company?”

Her voice was a melody. His shadows purred in answer.

The worlds axis must have shifted, he could probably look outside to find the stormy sky had turned as blue as her eyes he was taking too long to answer and she was looking at him oddly, perhaps noting the shadows flying around his shoulders.

They were so excitable in her presence, he couldn’t control them and that was extremely concerning. Az doesn’t like what he can’t control.

All worry was chased from his mind as he climbed the stairs and another topic was thrust into his brain.

Gwyn from the back was almost as glorious as she was from the front.

Gods what he wouldn’t do to grip those hips and grind that perfect little ass on his-

No.

He stopped himself, looking away before his control could be tested further. She said it herself, she was here for conversation and Mother damn him he would talk to her casually.

Gwyn was not going to be a repeat of Mor or Elain. He was not going to lust after another female that wanted nothing to do with him, and pine away until his demise.

Gwyn was going to mean more than that. He would keep her at arms length, so that he may keep her as a friend.

And he was making a fool of himself. She asked his favourite colour and the only colour left in the world was that of her eyes.

And he laughed, for the first time in weeks, stress melting from his weary bones after just minutes with this fabulous creature.

And he told her things he had never told anyone, that was dangerous.

He was a spymaster, mother damn him. A spymaster wasn’t much good if he told a female all his secrets after a few pretty smiles.

But gods, her smiles were pretty. He wondered how pretty her mouth would-

No. None of that.

He needed her out of here so he could collect pieces of his sanity before he spilled any other important secrets.

As she walked back towards the library however, he almost called her back. An unruly shadow seemed to take that as an opportunity to reach for her, but Az whipped it back.

Dangerous indeed.

And yet, that night he slept without dreams. He couldn’t remember the last time that happened. Well truthfully, he could, it was a time when his hands were unscarred.

Cassian was back the next morning. Ever his cheerful self since the mating ceremony almost a month ago. He had been unbearable for a week afterwards. Azriel had had to vacate the house of wind and call a halt to lessons as Cass had almost taken his head off and Nesta had growled at Emerie the first time she tried to enter the house.

Not to mention the scents and sounds emanating from different rooms. Azriel was happy for his brother, truly. Even if it did make him green with envy and blue with melancholy.

The following week, the happy couple were back training but Cass was so distracted Az managed to beat him into the dirt on no less than three occasions. Azriel waited another week before moving back into the House, still half considering Rhys’s offer to fumegate it.

He had kept occupied by tracking Koschei, or rather attempting to track him. The King had proven hard to pin down, a source of growing frustration to Azriel. He despised having to bring bad news to his High Lord, and now that Rhys had Nyx to worry about he hated it even more.

But Rhys maintained that they had faced threats before and triumphed but the failure still weighed heavy on Az that morning in the training ring.

He tried his hardest not to look at Gwyn. He couldn’t help it sometimes, her hair caught the light when she twirled under Emerie’s punch.

It looked like a flame come to life in the early morning sunlight and he challenged any living male not to loose breath.

It was with a warriors assessment that he allowed his gaze to rove over her slight body. He was admiring her form and positioning, definitely not imagining her in different positions. That would be both unsavoury and unprofessional. Which is why he hated himself for doing it.

Gwyn hardly noticed him, barely glancing in his direction and he had the strangest urge to pick a fight with Cassian in attempt to garner her attention.

That wasn’t good.

The warrior in question was flirting with his mate while she squatted, arching her back in a way that was unnecessary and counterproductive but Cassian didn’t call her up on it, he seemed too busy enjoying the show. Nesta however corrected herself and continued on while his lovesick brother pretended he hadn’t been leering at his mate.

Gwyn too had spotted the encounter laughed, a tinkling sound that lightened something dark in Azriels chest. She looked around to see if anyone else had caught what she had, and that’s when it happened. Her eyes met his and the world shifted again. He couldn’t help the smile that blossomed in the wake off her own. One thought consumed him as he turned back to his own priestesses and guided them through the next set. He was so unbelievably fucked.

Tagging: @bookstantrash @perseusannabeth @champanheandluxxury @princessofmerchants @princessofmerchants-reads @azrielsshadowsdanceforgwyn @lovelywordsandwine @thron3ofbooks @velaaaris @illyrian-valkyrie

Chapter 3

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list for my writing or this fic x

[feysandfeels]

hi hello i’m here to kindly request that prythian met gala tier ranking pls……🥺👉👈

Hello beautiful little fae, thank you for your indulging ask

The categories are as follow:

Rihanna ft. Billie Poter: My people who understand the assignment and go the extra mile. They are here for the craftmanship of fashion and the intricacy of interpretation themes offer.

Timothée Chalamet: They are the exceptionally well dressed folk who are here for the subdued detail and the texture. They demand a keen eye from their audience but they always deliver something interesting.

Gigi Hadid: It's there, it's on theme, it is no doubt gorgeous but like. Could it be more? yes.

That riverdale girl, the brunette one: she went for the obvious choice and *sssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* yes you read susan sontag notes on camp and clearly called it a day.

The models: People who look good and somewhat get the theme. If they had to choose between looking good or being extra and on theme, they will choose to look good.

The Biebers: This is self explanatory... just look how they came to this year’s met gala. A boring disgrace. Why they continue to be invited is beyond me.

Now, onto business. Who is where?

Rihannas:

Helion: duh

Tarquin: He will show up and eat you all always on theme, always sexy, always fashionable.

Feysand: Rhysand is nothing if not extra and will love any opportunity to dress not only immaculately but will use his power to make everything more impactful. Feyre as seen in MAF and WAR will dress up for any occasion and take it seriously. Plus Rhysand has been going on and on about this so like the things we do for love.

Mor: are we surprised? do I need to explain it further? no? okay moving on. Think Blake Lively. A MET Ball darling. Helion lets her arrive in a golden chariot.

Timothée Chalamet:

Lucien Vanserra: Lucien owns this category. He is a man of details that demands intelligence of his audience, he's not going to spoon feed you why he is on theme.

Emerie: here is the thing on her day to day she is comfy but on this red carpet? with Mor going on and on and on about how cool and important the event it? Emerie is Zendaya.

Gwyn: A girl is a competitive bitch and she will get on that best dressed list or so help her god. She is also a huge nerd so she will research her themes and come up with really cool references. Again don't be dumb, connect the dots, do your research.

Azriel: I've always said that Az knows how to clean up nice and is a man of details one of the many reasons he and Lucien should be friends but whatever I guess. He will get the assignment and also be like omg weird but cool. Think Chadwick Boseman in Heavenly bodies.

Thesan: please as he would come up shabby, have you seen palace? man of detail and something unexpected.

Gigi Hadid:

Elain Archeron: a girl knows textures, patterns, materials, composition, elegant well dressed, always a flower motif that is actually an obscure reference to the theme.

Vivienne: Slowly but surely Vivienne is going up the ranks. It's actually wonderful how much she plays with the themes while always staying on brand with the Winter Court. A girl of nuance.

Eris: Babes I see you, but I'm going to need more than your promise of being good for it to impactful. Don't be afraid to be a little extra an not just pretty, play outside the role society has given you. Be more.

Lady of Autumn: Exquisite. The way this woman plays with headpieces is out of this world. Also she will do capes and layers and be mesmerizing. But I'm going to need a bit more from the dress itself.

Cassian: Years of going with Mor to this even will definitely leave him always wanting to play with the theme. But above all we must thank that. Whatever he wears will hug his ass deliciously and is more about subverting the tropes that have been associated with him. Once we showed up with well fitted trousers and a long flowing cape. 

That riverdale girl:

Kallias: Boo I need more of you, I see the potential but step up your bread and don't be scared to go the extra mile.

Cresseida: Promises to show up better next year after seeing how Tarquin ate them all up. Like Kaia Gerber this year... I see you looking good, but you come from a family of fashion so like c'mon girl.

Myriam and Drakon: I mean yes thank you for coming but you honestly did the bare minimum.

The models:

Nesta Archeron: Does she look breathtaking? yes. Is the dress immaculate in craftmanship? fuck yeah. Does it fit her like a glove? no doubt. Is it on theme? no and she doesn't care because she wanted to wear this dress and who are you to tell her she's not going to.

Amren: A vision, an off theme slightly scary vision, but a vision. Clearly it's more about the statement jewellery with her. Her ring alone costs more than the entire evening and well what more could you ask? Will make an effort to be on theme if it matches the amazing necklace she plans to wear, but if not well... she is wearing a diamond piece that was said to part of the ancient king of this lost kingdom collection so like respect.

Varian: He has to match Amren because otherwise it will look odd in the pictures.

The Biebers:

Tamlin: a black tux? for the met? groundbreaking. Only gets invited because they need good flower arrangements and well, spring's flowers are immaculate so like it would have been rude to ask for the flowers and not invite him.

[dreaminginvelaris]

sorting acotar characters into hogwarts houses

idk why i decided to make this post but it was fun sooo...

lmk if y'all agree or disagree. Also please no hate, sometimes a post is just for fun and i don't need any negativity. UNLESS its hate for elain which by all means go ahead ;) (because of ppls sensitivity, this joke isnt an invitaion to go on a full blown elain hate rant just offer a few jabs, especially if you agree on the elain section and move on, if you wanna go on a rant, message me or submit a post and i'll response, all the love <3)

Slytherin: Ambition, Cunning, Leadership, and Resourcefulness

Rhysand: of course Rhys is Slytherin, the man screams Slytherin. We all know he's cunning, often coming up with plans to get what he wants, leader well duh, he's a high lord and loves it and is great at it, he's ambitious, he's a dreamer, so of course, he wants more, and he's resourceful, always being able to think on the spot. Rhysands second house would be Ravenclaw for sure though.

Eris: uhhh do I even have to explain? wants to be Highlord, boom ambitious. seems to be the one in charge of his brothers and has many responsibilities, boom leader. being able to achieve what he wants, boom cunning. resourcefulness...yeah I don't got an example for that one, anyways 3/4.

Azriel: daddy az is a Slytherin, I mean obviously this is the best house (is it obvious yet that I'm a Slytherin ;) but fr, I debated sorting him into Ravenclaw, but even though yes he shows Ravenclaw traits it's not the ones we see the most of or the ones that really shine through Azriel's reserved personality. The main traits azzy boo here has from Slytherin are Cunning and Resourcefulness, and imo these are the ones we see from him every page.

Amren: im putting amren here too, she's literally both!

Gryffindor: Brave, Courage, Daring, Chivalrous

Cassian: this one is self-explanatory, how many times has he put others before himself, how many times has he endangered his own life to save others. that's a Gryffindor soul he has. he always tried to do the right thing, he's brave as hell and reckless at times it seems from the little snide comments we've gotten from the books, he would have been a marauder no doubt.

Tamlin: I hate to do this I do because I love my lions, but I had to put this piece of shit somewhere and since he reminds me of peter Pettigrew bc of his cowardness, I'm sorting him in here. I'm so sorry guys ;(

Morrigan: helloooo, the house colors are red and gold??? obviously mor would demand this house, yes demand. but not just that she's crazy brave, at only what 18? i think, she stood up to her family, making a decision she knew could have her ending up in a horrible situation. but she always is brave, shes gotta when her evil family is still in her life.

Hufflepuff: Loyal, Kind, Patient, Hardworking

Gwyn: i choose my girl gwyn for Hufflepuff bc let's face it, she is the embodiment of Hufflepuff. She's loyal to her new friends, emerie and Nesta, and the priestesses. She's kind as we can see when she first met Nesta and when emerie and Nesta shared their stories. She's very patient never snaps at that bitchy priestess who idk the name of as well as patient when it comes to her and Azriel's tender new friendship and hardworking, always doing her job, running around the library, for her work, always researching more ways to help the Valkyries. i debated putting her in Ravenclaw, because of her intelligence, but i think she's a Hufflepuff through and through.

Elain: IT HURTS MY HEART PUTTING PLAIN ELAIN IN THIS HOUSE. but I gotta, the only trait this plant sniffer has out of all the houses is "kind and patient" EVEN THOUGH SHE'S NOT REALLY LMFAO. I've made a post on explaining why this dirt lover isn't as kind as the books make her out to be, and I would argue she isn't actually patient at all, I mean did we miss how she was basically frustrated Nesta wasn't getting better even though it had been like what 2 weeks, LMFAO. but yeah I mean she's not loyal unless you have food and money then oh yeah she'll be loyal and she's not hardworking bc I mean she never did jack shit and still doesn't, sorry to do this to y'all.

Note: some of yall are so soft. this is not an anti elain post. sorry i insulted her but hey its my post, and i have commentary on each character to explain why i feel they belong in a certain house. sorry i happened to insult your fav. but this isnt an anti elain post, just like its not anti tamlin or anti eris. its just a post about all the characters period, which is why i inculded all of them in the tags. hey, i even insulted Nesta a little bit, but I'm not gonna tag anti-Nesta bc it's not a fucking hate post. get off this post if it comes across you and you don't like what I say, it's not hard to literally just scroll, trust me I've done it multiple times especially when it's a hate post on my beloved characters and they didn't use the anti tags. it's not fucking hard, grow up.

Ravenclaw: Wisdom, Wit, Individuality, Intelligence

Feyre: I debated putting queen feyre into Slytherin, I mean she shows the traits for sure, but it's not really if she shows the traits it's what shines the most in her. Ravenclaws are known for their creativity (bae luna Lovegood <3) and feyres an artist, even in her darkest times she remained an artist, always seeing portraits in her mind, always admiring the beautiful colors of the world. We know she's intelligent, picking up reading and writing quickly, and we also see it when she's strategizing, with the inner circle. Feyre is so wise, she had to be, she had to grow up quickly, you often see her in the books giving advice, because even though she's only 21, she's lived a lifetime. and the whole book of acomaf can show you how witty she is, I mean its what made us fall in love with feysand.

Amren: tiny snowball amren is literally a slytherclaw, she has all the traits from both. but because of how well she is with coding languages and how she always reads and does puzzles i think she'd enjoy being a Ravenclaw.

Nesta: I thought about this for a while, really looking into where she would thrive, Ravenclaw is for her no doubt. She's herself, always has been even when that wasn't such a good thing... but she's witty too if you make sure to not count the "the book is about...a book" I'm sorry that line makes me laugh every single time. we haven't really seen much of her intelligence but I'm guessing she is. but really she would love to be in a house where ppl are themselves and read, i can already imagine her creating a book club where people can be themselves and enjoy smutty books like her.

Lucien: originally I was going to sort him into Hufflepuff but then I remembered how intelligent he is, how witty, and I remembered in acowar he talked about how being the youngest of what 7 heirs? he had the chance to really educate himself which he loved to do, to really learn about his court, idk this man just screams intelligence to me.

I left out emerie bc i honestly don't know where to sort her, i feel like i just don't know her too well or understand her enough to sort her, so feel free to lmk where she would belong :)

[nestable]

I saw some people say that rhys was portrayed like a villain in acosf because it was from nestas pov.

1, DUH!

And 2, how do you expect her to see him differently when he threatened, berated and undermined her at every turn. Rhys wasn't different in the story, he was still the same self righteous, tyrannical, homicidal and mean guy. Yall were too blind to see it or acknowledge it because your opinions of him was solely based on feyres love-drunk and biased view. People have been saying that he is eris and tamlin combined but yall ignored us.

Finally, yall are quick to forget that acosf was from cassians view too. You know that right? Cassian the guy who practically worships rhys, who attacked nesta when she had a different opinion about him and expressed how she felt? Cassian who felt he wasnt good enough for rhys? That cassian. Even from his perspective you could tell that rhys isnt really the jesus incarnate yalls delusional led you to believe he is.

Feyres perspective showed rhys' negatives and yall ignored them, nestas shows the same but in a less obscured light and you say Rhys was written that way to redeem nesta, and now even cassians perspective, a perspective of rhys' biggest fan shows him to be the ass he is and yall still dont believe it???

At this point even if sjm came out and explicitly said that rhys isnt a good guy, you would still argue.

Stan your problematic favs, no one is mad at that. Just be honest with yourself and others and just acknowledge that they arent all that good. It's okay. Really. It's okay. Its just fiction.

[bettys-brain]

Cassian’s origin story but like modern day. Imma say everything takes place in New York.

Cassian would be in the foster care system from a pretty early age (early elementary school). Local private school offers scholarships to the needy, and since it’s the closest school to his foster home, that’s where he goes. Meets Rhysand in class day one and notices that Rhys has a cool action figure (from the cartoon NIGHT COURT CRIME BUSTERS) that he wants, so Cassian decides to beat him up at recess so he can claim it. He’s an honorable child so he announces this to Rhys so they can both prepare.

He gets one hit in before Rhysand surrenders and says that they can share and that Cassian should come over to his house since he has loads of toys (causes he’s rich duh). Cassian’s foster home is understaffed and disorganized so he goes with Rhys and nanny after school in their fancy SUV since there’s no one there to pick him up that day.

Get to giant house, meet Rhys’ mom, and they go play. Rhysand’s mom is supervising the impromptu play date since her son has never invited a classmate home before. She takes a good look at Cassian and notices that his uniform is a little too small for him, his shoes are really worn, and his wavy hair is getting a little unruly. He’s very tall for his age and has a beautiful smile, but sad eyes. He looks like a wilder version of her little Rhys.

The kids are having fun and then it’s snack time. Rhys’ mom asks Cassian about school, his favorite shows, and other kid stuff. He’s a confident child and answers everything happily while eating some goldfish crackers. Then finally she asks about his parents and he quietly says “I don’t have parents anymore.”

“What do you mean, dear?” she asks kindly.

“I’m in foster care.”

“What’s foster care?” Rhys questions.

Cassian bows his head down, a blush staining his cheeks. He’s dropped the tangerine slice he was eating and stays silent.

“It’s a government program for children who need a home but haven’t found the right family yet.” she answers, not one to shy away from telling her son the truth about the world.

“Oh well Cassian can just stay with us! We’re a family and he can be part of it.” Rhys says with enthusiasm. “It’ll be great, Cassian” he says, shaking the other boy’s arm. We can play with my Court dolls all the time and have snacks together every day. I’ve always wanted a brother! How old are you? I bet I’m older than you!”

“Mom, can Cassian join our family?”

She looks at the two boys. Rhysand was already so attached to his new friend and if she was being honest, so was she. It would take some time, getting all the paperwork done and applying to foster a child, but if there was anything she’d learned since marrying into wealth, it was that she had an abundance of free time and so much cash that the government wouldn’t hesitate to wave any reservations about her fostering children.

Rhysand continues to chatter though no one is listening to him anymore.

“What do you think, Cassian? Would you like to try and stay with us? We could have a sleepover if you’d like; I can call your foster home and ask them if they’d be willing to let you stay the night? (or forever, but she doesn’t vocalize that part)”

Cassian finally lifts his head up and looks at the both of them slowly. Rhysand is very excited and rocking slightly in his chair.

“sleepover sounds fun” he says, a small timid smile appearing on his young face.

end scene

[jangofctts]

Between Everything and Nothing (Cassian Andor x Reader)

Rated: Explicit

Word Count: 3.2K

Summary: It's hard to keep your chin up when it seems like everything is falling apart. You're plagued by constant nightmares, but you have Cassian and Cassian has you. It's enough.

Warnings: Smut (duh), language, mad dirty talk, oral sex female receiving, bunch of Cassian love over here

You'd been crying again. Or plagued by nightmares. Maybe both.

Dark swatches lingered like bruises beneath your red rimmed eyes that vacantly stared at your plate. Your fork trailed through the rations absentmindedly, your mouth pressed into an unusual frown. Cassian used to despise your playful quips and teasing chuckles, the man much more used to silence and his own thoughts than someone like you.

Now, though, as the metal tongs of your cutlery scraped against the plate for the hundredth time, he abruptly realized how much he hated your silence. It wasn't right—unnatural and off-putting.

He said your name, the first attempt at catching your attention flying right over your head. The second time your eyes, such curious and bright eyes, fluttered and shot up to meet his. The roguish grin that followed after tugged at something deep inside his chest.

"Hey—sorry," you hummed. "What was that?"

Cassian shook his head. "You need to eat."

"This stuff?" You laughed, scooping up the mush and letting it drip off your fork. It tasted as bad as it looked. "I'd rather get shipped off permanently to droid maintenance."

"That can be arranged," he quipped. "I would finally get some peace and quiet."

"Ha. Ha." You said, rolling you eyes. "You couldn't last a day without missing me, Captain Andor."

He hates that you're right.

"Just eat."

With a grumble you shovel a mouthful in and stick your tongue out.

                                                           -=-

He catches you this time.

His own nightmares had clawed their way to the surface and ripped away precious sleep. He'd wandered to the hangar, feet carrying him towards his U-Wing in hopes he'd be able to find something to tinker with. Though it was a long shot. You were the best damn mechanic he'd ever encountered and Cassian would bet money that his ship could fly better than any fighter ship in the Alliance thanks to you.

He only hears something when he's halfway up the loading ramp, choked sobs and the occasional sniff of someone in the cockpit of his ship. He draws his blaster and rounds the corner. Shoot first and ask questions later.

Cassian freezes once he recognizes those stupid slipper things you'd won off some poor bastard in Sabaac and the ratty old tank top you refused to throw away.

You were curled into his seat, knees drawn up so closely to your chest that it hides your face as your shoulders shake from the force of your tears.

His instincts screamed at him to run. Leave before she notices.  Leave and pretend she's ok.

Yet, at the same time, a deep ache settles within his chest to see you like this. He wants to reach out. Wants to slip his fingers through your hair and cradle you to his chest and pretend for just a moment that nothing but you two existed.

He must've made some sort of sound because before he gets to decide to flee or face you, you look up.

"Cassian?" You sniff, your voice hoarse and wobbly as you wipe at your tears. "What-what are you doing here?"

He takes a step closer. "This is my ship."

"Oh. Yeah." You choke out with a broken half smile. "I guess it is."

You unfurl yourself from the seat, using your forearm to frantically scrub at the stray beads and try to hurry past him with a whispered goodnight. He's fast enough to catch your arm.

His slender fingers are warm against your bare skin, his calloused thumb skittering over smooth flesh and hard muscle. The urge to trail his entire palm up and down the expanse of your arm is torturous and he wonders if you've always been this soft.

You're looking up at him now, the emergency lights casting your features in a haunting red glow. Cassian can still see your eyes in the near darkness, something dark and vulnerable eating away at the edges. He parts his mouth to say something, ask what's wrong, but he can't seem to get the words out. He falters and drops your arm.

"Cassian," you say, much softer than he's ever heard it from you. It makes his heart flutter like a caged bird.  "I—"

"You can stay." He cuts you off, something snarling in his stomach at the thought of you leaving. "I don't mind."

Your brows crease and you study the floor and when you look up again, your face is fixed with another goofy grin. It doesn't quite reach your eyes and if Cassian didn't know you as well as he did, it would have him fooled.

"Thanks," you sniff, backtracking towards the ramp so suddenly it jars him. "Didn't mean to cry all over your chair. Pretty gross, huh?"

He follows and murmurs your name as you step onto the duracrete. This time as Cassian moves to grab your arm again you evade him. He's scrambling for words to keep you here, but nothing springs to mind and you escape.

"Night, Cass." You say, offering him a half hearted salute. "See ya tomorrow."

You disappear behind an X-Wing and Cassian regrets not following.

                                                            -=-

The third time is after after the Alliance had been hit hard. Hard enough that you lose more than a handful of friends. You don't grieve openly. You can't.

You were a beacon of light and warmth for many and letting them see the fissures in your resolve would surely cause spirits to plummet even further. Cassian doesn't know wether to feel lucky that he knows that half of yourself you hide away or devastated that even someone with a soul brighter than any star could be worn down to the very bones of their existence.

He wants to laugh when someone knocks on his door. It was the first time in months he'd been able to sleep with little difficulty and now he's being called upon in the middle of the night.

He throws open the door, ready to snarl at the poor soul who stood on the other side. Cassian's irritation melts away when he sees you. You look as tired as he feels, your hair a bit of a mess from a sleepless night, and yet, you're still so beautiful.

Your teeth clamp down on your bottom lip and he can't help but trace your mouth.

"Did I wake you up?" You ask, fiddling with your sleeve. You're nervous for once and Cassian worries.

"No." He lies.

A long pause ensues as you struggle for words that normally flow like a river from your lips. You start to say something and it fizzles out then comes out backwards or jumbled or too quiet for Cassian to understand. "You know—I should, uh, I should go. Yeah, I'm gonna leave. Sorry about—about bothering you."

You're quick to turn on your heel, but he's quicker and snatches your hand. He doesn't tell you how perfectly your fingers fit into his, but you must know. Right?

"Stay," he whispers, the word sounding much too loud compared to the hauntingly silent hallway. He takes your silence for fear or embarrassment, but he realizes it is surprise and a moment later he's stepping aside to let you in.    

Cassian retreats back to his bed, sheets still warm and sits down. Your eyes are scanning the room, studying the sparse walls and the unfolded pile of laundry abandoned on his only chair. You've been to his quarters before, usually only to get him to go with you to the cantina or keep you company while you work on his ship.

It's different now. Tension thick enough to cut with a lightsaber.

"I'm assuming you're not here to tell me you got caught cheating in Sabaac again, yes?" He tries to joke. It does the trick and you visibly relax with a chuckle.

You wander over to where he pats the space beside him and you crash onto the mattress, bumping your shoulder into his. His heart skips a beat when you don't lean away. "Nah. And if it weren't for me cheating, your sorry ass would still be in that stupid jail."

Ah, that's right.

Cassian snorts. "I had it handled."

"Yeah, I'm sure you did," you retort.

With a sigh, you lean back until you're spread out over his blankets, your legs hanging off the edge. Cassian lies down too and stares at the uneven texture of the ceiling. You say nothing for the better half of ten minutes, and Cassian wonders if you'd fallen asleep. He turns and you've got that vacant stare where you're lost in your head. It gives him an excuse to study the soft planes of your face, your plush lips slightly pursed in thought as your brows furrow. A stray hair covers your forehead and he wants to brush it away.

His heart pounds at his ribcage and with a brief moment of courage, he does so. You blink and look at him, a fragile smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

He finds the words that escaped him in his ship all those nights ago and he asks you why you're here. Are you alright?

Your grin falters and you look away. Your fingers graze against his knuckles and they twitch into your touch but makes no move to fully encompass your hand.

Your words come out slow and soft and his chest tightens. "You—You are the only thing that makes sense to me, Cassian."

He understands and his fingers curl around yours to show that he does. Your breath stutters and you give him a squeeze.

Stray tears trail down your cheek and Cassian props himself onto an elbow. You avoid his gaze. "Look at me."

You listen and with baited breath he cups your face and gently swipes at a tear with his thumb. You mouth his name and he's leaning into you until he's pressing his lips to yours. You melt underneath his kiss, your hand curling into his hair, the other one still tangled with his. Your touch is intoxicating and Cassian deepens the kiss, tongue trailing across your bottom lip. Your mouth opens and his tongue slides along yours.

You part and he rests his forehead on yours as your fingers caress his stubbled cheek. He suppresses a shiver and leans into your touch. "I've wanted to do that for ages."

"Yeah, me too."

He kisses you again, but it's more than that. You're the undertow of a raging sea, sweeping him into your depths and holding him captive until he can't breath. Yet, you're the only thing he can inhale. He could drown in your scent, in your kisses, in your love, and he doesn't care if it kills him. You make a sound low in your throat as he licks deep into your mouth and he doesn't care if your teeth click together because he's desperate and aching for you.

You bite his bottom lip and tug, paired with your hand giving the soft tufts of hair on the back of his neck a gentle yank and he's so fucking gone. He's already half-hard against your hip, he knows you can feel it because you're flashing him a coy smirk and trailing your fingers down the planes of his chest, over his naval and then you're unbuckling his belt. Your fingers hover over his waistband, drawing teasing circles above where he needs you and his patience snaps. He captures your hand and grinds against you and you finally relent

He sucks in a breath like you've punched him in the jaw as your fingers wriggle underneath the fabric and wrap around his cock, thick and hot. You give him a few gentle strokes and then your thumb sweeps over the tip, collecting the bead of moisture there. You lightly scrape your nail across the frenulum and it nearly sends him over the edge and he rips himself away from you. It's embarrassing how fast you bring him towards release and he shouldn't care with you, but he wants this to last.

You sit up as your face contorts and he doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, never," he breaths, leaning forward to kiss away your frown. "I liked that a little too much."

You mouth forms a silent 'oh' and you take this little break to pull off your shirt and your pants that end up crumpled on the floor. You're naked and you look like a damn fantasy curled over his bed. His bed. Maker how many times has he imagined this exact moment?

Cassian rips his own clothes off and he's tugging your thighs around his narrow waist so he can mold himself onto you. He plants his lips over the pulse on your throat and he digs his teeth into your flesh, marking the delicate skin there. You whine, huff out his name, and he releases the bruised skin. He presses a kiss against it, likes the way it stands out, and he continues to tongue and nibble over the column of your throat that you readily expose for him until there's a trail of marks left behind.

Soft, fragile sounds are pouring out of your mouth and he wishes he could save them for an eternity. He mouths over your collarbone and trails on hand up to your breast and he pulls back to admire your heaving chest. A tiny smile is etched across your lips and his heart swells so much that his chest aches. "You're beautiful."

He doesn't think he's ever seen you blush. "Shut up."

"You are," he whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss over your sternum. "You're--fuck--so distracting. Nearly--nearly crashed the ship that one time. Remember?"

You dig your fingers into his back, leaving half-moon shapes behind as he brushes his thumb over your peaked nipple, as you whine out a response. With his tongue he swirls teasing circles around the other nipple and when he sucks it between his lips and bites down carefully, you moan and arch into him. He rolls the other one firmly between his forefinger and thumb, your eyes snapping shut.

"I can hardly stand it when you smile at me," he growls, engulfing the entirety of you breast in his warm palm. He gives the flesh a squeeze. "Shit--I love you."

He barely realizes he's told you and it's not as terrifying as he thought it would be. There is some uncertainty but when you open your eyes and flash him a smile so bright and big he thinks his heart might finally explode, all his doubts are blown away. You drag Cassian back to your lips by the jaw and he feels your bottom lip catch against his as you tell him you love him too.

"Will you...will you let me taste you?" He groans, breaking away to bury his nose into your hair. "Please? I've been--been imagining what you--shit-- taste like. I bet--bet you taste good."

"Cassian," you whine, bucking your hips. His cock is throbbing against your hip, harder than reinforced steel but all he can think about is getting his mouth on the dripping wetness between your legs. "Yes. Yes."

He sweeps down your torso, drunk on your skin and suckles another hickey over the protrusion of your hip bone. Cassian hooks your legs over his shoulders and nuzzles his stubble along the velvety skin feeling oh so lucky when you giggle and slip your hands into his hair. Your laugh tapers off into a desperate sigh as he uses just the tip of his forefinger to slip through your slit, the digit coming away shiny with your arousal. He parts your legs wider and finally swipes his tongue over your clit, moaning as he finally gets to taste you.

His mouth his searing hot and his tongue feels like silk as he swipes it over your lips, suckles at your labia and licks back up to your clit. He traces patterns across it, the tip of tongue catching so deliciously and then he dips back down again. You shudder as his thumbs slide up to gently part your cunt and his tongue leaves a burning trail until he reaches your opening. He has to throw an arm over your hips to keep you from squirming so much, and Maker, you feel Cassian smile before he licks as far into you as he can.

You're burning, broken pleas and drawn out moans of his name pouring out of you. And then, any kind of rational thinking is completely thrown out the fucking window as two of his slender fingers sink into your cunt. They curl inside you, brush against something electrifying, and you can't be bothered to be embarrassed about the keening moan that's much too loud for this time of night. It feels too good. You bite your lip and clench a handful of his hair, the vibration of his groan adding on to the pleasure of him sucking at your clit while his fingers slowly begin to drag in and out of you.

He pulls away for a moment, his hot breath fanning over your cunt and you want to cry out in frustration. Your core clenches around his digits at the loss of his tongue and you try to pull him back to you. "Please."

With his free hand, he rubs your thigh and kisses the inside of your knee. "Can I make you cum like this? Let...let you--shit--let you finish over my tongue? You'll look so pretty for me."

You don't know how it's possible to be even more turned on than you are, but it happens and you can feel yourself dripping on to his fingers and leaking over the sheets. His fingers are curling and twisting into something that's got your thighs shaking and fuck. A few more passes of his tongue over your swollen clit and another well placed thrust of his fingers--you're fucking gone.  

You arch your back as everything below your waist is set on fire. The tension in your stomach--wound tighter than a fucking spool of wire--snaps and blinding light flashes across your vision. Your core clamps down on his calloused digits and you cum into his mouth, a flood of wetness staining his mouth that continues to lick you through it. He's moaning and hooking his hands under your ass to pull you closer as you twitch and shake--your brain lost somewhere between chaos and unsurmountable pleasure.

Things feel as if they're in slow-motion as you slowly come back down to reality. Cassian pulls away from your core, wipes at his mouth that's covered with your slick, and slips his body next to your flushed and panting one. He draws shapes and swirls into the space right below your breast and nuzzles into the crook of your neck. He's whispering about how good you were for him, how soft and warm, and wet around his fingers you were and when you're finally able to process and organize your scattered thoughts, he's dragging you into an open mouthed kiss.

You can taste yourself on him and he grinds his cock against the swell of your hip, leaking precum that dribbles onto your skin. He bites at your shoulder, another bolt of arousal shooting through your belly.

"Let me make you feel good."

[takingcourage]

Miscalculations: A Witness AU

Chapter Four

Catch up here:  Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three

Pairing: M!Cassian x MC

Word Count: 3,050

Series Summary: After years apart, fate brings Kellen and Cassian together a third time. Can they learn from the mistakes of the past, or are they destined to repeat them once more?

Note: Five parts down, five parts to go! Thank you for all of your support with this series so far -- I’ve had a blast writing it, and it means a lot to know that others enjoy it too. : ) 

If Cassian thought his anxiety was high in anticipation of seeing Kellen, it was through the roof as he waited to meet his son. The entire morning was torture, even with the extra-long workout he’d designed as a distraction. By the time his Uber dropped him off across the city, he was actively fighting the outward signs of his nerves. 

Yet under the nerves, something more potent was stirring: regret. 

If only he’d tried harder three years ago. If only the job in Jamaica hadn’t taken so long to complete. If only Kellen hadn’t been utterly impossible to contact, they might be living under very different circumstances right now. Perhaps they would have defined their relationship to something more permanent. Maybe I even would have asked her to marry me... 

Cassian stopped himself before he thought too much further down that path. Talking Kellen Reed into commitment was a fool’s errand. The more likely possibility was that things still wouldn’t have worked out, and that the distance between them now would have be deliberate rather than accidental. Perhaps it was a good thing that they hadn’t made a go of it before. 

But any potential bright side was hard to see when he was still reconciling himself to the idea of having a two-year-old who’d gone all of this time without a father. 

He rubbed his sweaty palms against his thighs, hoping that the action wouldn’t leave any stains behind on the denim. He had to make a good impression. 

While he hated the notion that access to his son was a privilege, he understood where Kellen was coming from. If it meant getting to see Owen, he would play by all of her rules and exceed every one of her expectations. This meeting needed to prove to her that he was worth the time and effort required to be part of their child’s life -- and hers, if she was willing. 

A sleek crossover pulled into a small space along the road, and a quick glance through the windshield was enough to confirm that it was Kellen. With a final swipe of his hands, Cassian stood up from the bench and ventured toward the vehicle. 

“Afternoon!” he called, hoping not to startle her as she walked around to the back to detach their son from his carseat. He’d always prided himself on his ability to keep cool in the midst of any circumstance, but Kellen’s effect on him had a tendency to be anything but calming. Taking a step closer, he slipped his hand into his pocket to draw attention away from the way it was shaking. 

“Hey there!” she returned before almost disappearing into the car. She emerged several seconds later with a toddler in her arms. Still a couple of yards away, all Cassian could see of his son was the abundance of curls that blanketed his head. The small face was burrowed deep into Kellen’s shoulder and hidden from his view. 

Cassian’s features broke into a wide smile, and he suppressed the urge to laugh. He hadn’t doubted the child’s parentage, but that crop of hair was proof that their kid was more than just a clone of Kellen. The realization gave him more pleasure than he cared to admit. Withdrawing the hand from his pocket, he scratched the stubble on his jaw and tried not to seem like a ginning fool. 

“Excuse us,” she apologized, gesturing toward the bench he’d just vacated. “Naptime was a little rough today.” 

“No worries,” he answered lamely. Cassian joined her on the seat, careful to leave several inches of space between them. He tried to give them distance, but it was difficult to look away from the pair of them. “I sometimes feel that way when I wake up too.” 

Rubbing the boy’s back, Kellen shot him a knowing look that trampled all over his insides. She’d always been attractive, but the sight of her now, holding their son in her arms and smiling back at him, was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. His pulse stuttered as he watched them further. 

She bounced Owen gently, brushing the hair away from his ear to murmur words that were too faint for Cassian to make out. What was perfectly obvious was the depth of love she had for the child. He couldn’t say what he’d been expecting, but her tender display took him by surprise. 

With a bit more coaxing, the boy finally worked up the courage to push himself away from his mother’s tight hold. He leaned back, still balanced on her knees, and Cassian caught a flash of green as the boy stole a curious glimpse.

Kellen shifted slightly so that her companions were in full view of each other. “Owen, this is mama’s friend, Mr. Keane.”

His stomach tightened like a vice. I’m your dad. He wanted to gather the boy into his arms for a proper introduction. Instead, he held his tongue and sat firm. Blinking back tears, he tried to focus on the scene unfolding before him. 

“Can you say Mr. Keane?” she prompted further. 

“McGee.” 

In spite of his unsteady emotions, Cassian laughed at the unpracticed attempt. His son had a sweet, guileless voice. He leaned closer, hanging on every moment in hopes of hearing it again. 

“Mister,” Kellen formed the word patiently, looking straight into his eyes. Owen followed her movements intently.

“Mih-duh”

“Keane.” 

“Key.” 

“You’ve got it, big guy. High five!” Kellen celebrated his success with a smile, holding the palm of her hand in front of her stomach. Owen smacked it with relish. 

His shyness completely forgotten, the toddler turned his attention to Cassian with an open-mouthed smile that was infectious enough to spread across the entire bench. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Cassian managed against the pang of longing that constricted his chest. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a child with such a ready grin. 

The toddler babbled back an approximation of the platitude. 

“We’re still working on that one,” Kellen explained. “Hey, Owen?” She hesitated slightly before continuing. “I’ll bet Mr. Keane would like to have a high five. Do you want to show him how you do it?”

If his attention hadn’t been trained on the two of them, Cassian would never have noticed the interruption. Still, it wasn’t hard to guess what had caused it. As much as he was enjoying this meeting, it wasn’t fully comfortable for him or for Kellen. Uncertain how else to reassure her, he found her eyes with what he hoped was an encouraging gaze. 

Still smiling, Owen gave a lively nod and lifted his hand in preparation. 

After another quick look toward the boy’s mother, Cassian stretched an arm across the bench. The tiny hand made contact with his palm before sliding down over his fingers, and it was all he could do to keep from grasping them before they left his touch completely. Every interaction he’d had with his son was leaving him impatient for more. 

“Thanks, Owen.” The name still felt somewhat stilted on his tongue, but the child didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he bounced his legs and began pushing his way out of his mother’s arms. 

“Ready to play?” 

Pulling her hand, he confirmed his answer to her question. 

“Let’s go.” 

Following a couple of steps behind, Cassian journeyed with the pair of them to the closest slide. As he watched Owen confidently climb the jungle gym, Kellen attentive in case he needed help, his chest ached again with the deeper knowledge of his loss. He hated that this was their first outing to the park as a family. He hated even more the countless other milestones he hadn’t even realized he’d missed. 

Drawing a deep breath, he tried to persuade himself to live in the present: to stay focused on what he had now. But even when he did survey what was before him, it was impossible to silence the worry that Kellen could still change her mind. Nothing was certain. 

Owen took several trips down the slide, each with Kellen’s careful grip there to guide him. As quickly as his interest came, it soon waned in favor of the gravel pit several yards away. 

“We play in the rocks a lot, don’t we?” She asked as they followed his quick pace. The look she threw over her shoulder told Cassian that the question was more for his benefit than any other reason. He inclined his head gratefully in return. 

“Trucks?”

“Not today,” she answered. “We can bring them next time.” 

Conscious as he was not to overstep Kellen’s boundaries, Cassian couldn’t resist joining in the conversation. “Do you have lots of trucks?”

“Uh-huh.” Owen responded proudly. His curls bobbed with each step, producing a mesmerizing rhythm. 

“Dump trucks?” he tried further. 

“Yeah!”

Growing more confident, the next question rolled off his tongue quickly. “Do ya have a fire truck?”

Without warning, Owen’s face crumpled, and Cassian stepped back in alarm. He knew that toddlers could be sensitive, but nothing in his question should have produced such a violent reaction.

Beside him, Kellen sucked a breath and checked their destination. “Oh boy.” 

At the sight of the pair of grade schoolers taking up residence on the gravel excavators, Owen’s discontent soon developed into full-fledged crying. By the time Cassian risked another look at his son, there were visible streaks down each of his reddened cheeks. 

“C’mon, bud. It’s time to check out the swings,” Kellen suggested, taking the crisis in stride. His tears intensified momentarily as she scooped him into her arms, but he was fully appeased by the time she’d eased him into an empty bucket swing.

“He’s almost as headstrong as you are.” 

Between pushes, Kellen cocked her head toward him with an acquiescent smile. “At lot of that just comes with being two.”

He chuckled at the matter-of-fact response. “So it does.” 

The exchange over, they fell into silence. Owen jabbered to himself contentedly, occasionally stretching out a hand as he approached to try to catch his mother’s fingers. 

“You’ve done a great job with him, Kellen,” Cassian praised gently, risking a step closer.  

“There’s been a lot of trial and error.”

“It’s that way with any kid -- especially the first. Ma always called me her experiment.” 

“But she knows you turned out alright.” She pushed the swing a couple more times, voice dropping low as she continued. “Owen’s a good kid.”

“I can tell. I’ll bet you’ve already got him counting to a hundred.” 

Kellen turned toward him again, volume increasing with her enthusiasm. “He’s a little young for that, but we have been practicing 6-10 recently.”

“Already mastered the first 5?” His heart lightened as he posed the question, feeling a sense of their former camaraderie. Until that moment, he hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed their conversations. 

“It’d be criminal for me not to teach him numbers,” she insisted, nose crinkling up at the notion. “Besides, I’ve got my eye on a really good preschool for next year. Their entrance requirements are pretty steep.”

“You’re joking.”

“I wish. You wouldn’t believe how competitive the kindergartens are around here.”

He fell quiet, wondering how many similar decisions she’d had to make on her own over the past three years. As he noticed the determined glint in Kellen’s eye, he couldn’t help hoping that her days of doing everything alone were over.

“Do you want a turn?” she asked suddenly, stepping aside so that he could take her place in front of the swing.

“I’d love one.” 

Owen’s apprehension regarding the change was written across his face, but any hesitation soon dissolved under Cassian’s charms. The man greeted each incoming swing with an increasingly ridiculous face, and it wasn’t long until Owen was squealing with laughter every time he approached.

"He’s always loved to swing,” Kellen observed. “You should have seen him when he was a baby. He’d...” catching herself, the rest of her sentence faltered.

“He’d what?” Cassian implored, eager to know as much as she was wiling to share.

Kellen’s eyes darted to his face before training on her son. “He wanted to be in his baby swing all the time. It was the only way I could get him to--”

“Down!” Owen cut in. 

Kellen stepped up to catch the swing, slowly returning it to the bottom of its arc before she lifted him out. Owen ran from the playground without a second thought, intent on the gravel pit they’d abandoned before. Conversation seemingly forgotten, Kellen followed the boy’s trail. 

Despite his curiosity, Cassian didn’t prod any further. In time, he hoped she’d open up about all the things he missed. In the meanwhile, he’d have to content himself with making memories of his own. 

“Dig!” Owen demanded, intent on the excavator toy stationed in the middle fo the rock pile. 

“It’s still pretty big for you,” Kellen explained, “Let’s just play on the side.” 

“Do you mind if I try something?”

She glanced back at him, but answered after a beat. “Go ahead.” 

Cassian caught up to Owen within a pair of strides. “Can I dig with ya?”

"Dig?” A tiny hand raised to lead him toward the excavator, and Cassian took it with glee, a spark of warmth climbing up his arm from where their fingers were connected. 

The equipment was clearly intended for older children, but it was nothing Cassian couldn’t work around. He perched on the seat, testing to see if it could handle his weight. 

When it held, he lifted Owen up to sit on his thighs. With Cassian supporting his torso, the toddler was just able to reach the handles. Pushing both of them forward, he grunted with the struggle of bringing them back up again. 

“Mama! I dig!”

“I see that,” she answered good-naturedly, finding a seat on the other excavator so that she could watch more closely. 

In spite of the challenge, it was easy to see that Owen was having the time of his life. If he was honest, Cassian was too. With the weight of his son on his lap and the sound of his chatter ringing in his ears, he never wanted it to stop. He would be entirely content to cling to him and never let him go. 

But the two-year-old’s attention span didn’t allow for much sentimentality. All too soon, Owen was squirming to be put back on solid ground so he could get his hands on the gravel. As the boy began digging through the mountain of rocks, Cassian took the opportunity to return to Kellen’s side. She surprised him by speaking first. 

“You know what you’re doing,” she commended. He felt his cheeks color at the hint of admiration in her voice. 

“Having five younger siblings’ll teach ya a lot.” 

Brows arched, she shot him an incredulous look. “I don’t know how your mother did it.” 

“Neither do I. She’s an incredible woman.” He lowered into a squat so that he could be closer to her level. From this angle, her eyes seemed dark as the sea, and the uncertainty buried in their depths was almost palpable. He changed topics, hoping he could ease some of it. “Kellen, I want to be as involved in Owen’s life as you’ll let me. I know what it’s like not to have a dad around. I don’t want my kid to have to go through that too.”

Kellen’s jaw clicked into place as she contemplated his words. “I don’t either.”

Chest sagging with relief at her admission, he was just opening his mouth to speak when she continued. 

“But how do I know you’re not going to run out on us again?” 

Her tone had been sarcastic, but there was no denying the underlying pain that drove the words. “I never ran out on you,” he assured with a voice that was faint despite the certainty of his convictions. 

“That’s what it felt like...” Her cheeks flushed as she watched Owen scatter a handful of rocks into his lap. 

“Kellen, I--”

“Look, I’m not trying to pick a fight. This is just hard.” Her lip quivered as she gathered her thoughts. “I’m trying to do what’s best for Owen.” 

“That’s all I want.” Cassian let the words fall between them. “If having me in his life isn’t what’s best for him--” 

He was profoundly grateful that she didn’t let him finish the sentence. 

“I didn’t say that.” She interrupted, tucking her hair behind her ear as she stood. “But we need to take this a week at a time.” 

“Sure,” he agreed, straightening his back to stand next to her. It wasn’t quite what he’d hoped for, but it was reasonable enough for him not to push further. Even so, some part of him worried that she hadn’t taken his assurance to heart. “I mean it, Kellen,” he repeated. “I’m not leaving. I’m in this for the long haul.” 

The woman nodded, but he could tell she was still conflicted. When she moved to Owen’s side a moment later, he hung back to give them space. 

She made their excuses a short time later, insisting that they had errands to run and a big week to prepare for. Biting back his disappointment, Cassian accepted his son’s enthusiastic high five goodbye and Kellen’s promise to be in touch about a subsequent park visit the following weekend. 

When they had left, he made his way back to the bench to wait for his rideshare. His head falling forward, he fixated on the fine dust beneath his feet. 

His thoughts formed a tangle of contradictions: hope and disappointment, elation and fear. His head could hardly hold the weight of them. More than anything, however, he felt desperate. He needed Kellen and their son to be part of his life, and he wanted much more than occasional playdates at the park.  

Idly pinching the bands of his bracelet, he let out a measured breath. There was still hope of making everything right. Kellen wouldn’t have mentioned a second meeting if there weren’t. Feeling the first trickle of resolve, he lifted his eyes from the ground and cast an unseeing eye on his surroundings. 

He was going to prove himself, no matter how many park outings it took.