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#but i’ve discovered that my hands. they are doing a new style. how? idk
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finally starting on kinktober stuff! i’m making time for it (i forgor my charger and my laptop died so physically cannot keep writing my essay). i’m also doing this the smartest way and drawing what i feel when i feel it. and if i feel day 20 then i feel day 20
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butmakeitgayblog · 7 months
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Hello!!! I’ve just started gently reintroducing myself to The 100 after 7 years these last few weeks (rewatching for the first time since 2016 in fact!) and of course part of that involves checking out what the fandom’s up to since then. I’ve just started reading fic again and I’m really enjoying your Medusa AU so far!!! Combining one of my most nostalgic ships with my favourite Greek myth scratches an itch in my brain quite nicely and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds! I haven’t read any of your other fics just yet but I’ll definitely check them out ASAP :) Keep it up!!! 🫶🏻
(PS I love how involved you are with your readers and how passionate you get about your ideas, even in a fandom which someone more cynical than myself may have expected to die down quite a bit some time ago. I find it really lovely.)
Well that? Is just one of the loveliest things I think I could've read this morning. I'm really glad you're liking the myth setting for the fic. Ngl I was talking to another clexa writer about how I've been nervous since Medusa is such a well known and loved myth. Been afraid people will go into it thinking it'll be a retelling of the story or that it'll be entirely myth style instead of the... strange... amalgamation I've contrived 😅. So yeah, I'm really glad to hear you like it 😌
Also, oof. Bless you for rewatching the whole show. Idk if I could do a full rewatch after everything so you are stronger than I lol. And the truth is the fandom has shrunk quite a bit, but that doesn't necessarily bother me. I understand, people move on and find new ships, and honestly I'm happy for them. I just personally haven't found anything that resonates with me like Clexa so I'm, whew, still here 🥴. And I find that the smaller fandom has its perks. I mean it sucks because it's harder these days to get people to share work and comment and stuff, but there are advantages. A lot less drama and fighting than in its heyday for sure. A lot of the ride or die OGs are still kickin around and keeping the fandom alive, which I always appreciate. And it's funny, there always seems to be newbies all the time showing up who've just discovered the show and wanna jump in, and it's always fun to kinda catch them up on all the fandom lore that they've missed. It's just fun. This is a wonderful fandom, hands down the best I've ever been in. The pairing is timeless, the people are pretty damn great, and the talent is just unmatched. It's just really easy to get passionate for this stuff, so I'm really glad it shows 💕
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scuopsie · 1 year
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rant time!
kpop reaction content isn't exactly new (at least as far as I know) but it does seem to have kind of boomed in the last... two-three years I think. I remember there being only a handful of relevant kpop reaction content creators on youtube, some more popular that the others, but still there weren't a ton of them around. and I guess it makes sense because kpop itself has gotten much more popular and widely known outside of just [REDACTED] and among a wider age range I'd say.
but nowadays if you look up “X group - Y title track reaction” you will find tens, if not hundreds of reaction videos (especially if its a well known group) ranging from channels with hundreds of thousand subs to small account with a couple of hundred views on their reaction videos. and I just find that so weird.
like... especially for channels that do reactions as their main (and only) content, I find it extremely difficult to believe that after a certain point there is any authenticity behind these reactions. these big reaction channels are out there reacting to damn near every relevant kpop group's comebacks (and there are a LOT of them) and every single reaction is generally positive and often very enthusiastic.
aside from the fact that logically and statistically it's impossible for someone to like every title track being released, even if they're all objectively good (which they're not), because no one likes every genre and every style of music, there is basically no creativity involved in creating this type of content which makes it very dull both for the creator and the consumer after a while.
on top of that, this type of content has created a really toxic environment around expressing opinions and criticism toward kpop groups and kpop music. I just came across a video from one of these bigger (while also being newer) creators talking about how she's not happy with the content she's been making for the past year. she said that it's extremely overwhelming trying to keep up with every comeback when everyone expects you to react to their fave's CB and after a while sitting and reacting to music videos becomes repetitive especially when you're not even allowed to truly be yourself and express your opinions. she said she can't even talk about having a bias in a group because she would get tons of hate comments and dms about ppl bashing her for not having a different bias. I can't imagine how people would react to a reaction video creator saying she doesn't like a comeback or even a certain element in the song/mv.
I used to love kpop reaction videos back when I had just discovered them and they were not as big. like I genuinely get the appeal. seeing someone who's not a teenage girl (which is what stereotypically the general public thinks kpop stans are) is pretty validating. and back then there were like 'vocal coach reacts' or 'producer reacts' etc. seeing the reaction of "experts" analyzing different parts of a song/mv was really interesting for someone like me with zero knowledge of any of the technical stuff. and I also understand that they do contribute to promoting groups and comebacks to a certain degree. but it has just gone too far, in my opinion.
idk maybe I’ve just gotten old and lost the will to enjoy the small things that used to bring me joy but I genuinely don't enjoy reaction videos anymore. most of those older 'exerpts' (except for two I think) aren't active anymore (I'm guessing at least to some degree bc stans didn't want to hear that their fave was not that legendary of a vocalist or their fave song wasn't as layered and complex as they thought it was) and instead there are just random people reacting to kpop and some of them you can just tell that all their reactions are completely faked out. Youtubers are jumping on this trend bc it’s easy (in terms of not having any kind of real substance) and gets u good views if you’re a little charming and funny.
TL;DR : everything is fake and authenticity is dead. kdjfdjf I'm mostly joking but in the end, as per usual with my rants of this kind, I don't have a specific point or a solution. I'm just starting a conversation. so if any of you have something to add or just want to chat about this send me an ask!! (plz don't reply in the comments because I want this to be on my dash so everyone else can read too.)
#I believe the only technical reactors that arent new are PD and reacttorhek#iirc Dre used to be the biggest reacting channel but idk if hes not active anymore or just not relevant#there are a few ‘dancer reacts’ that are new and i didnt find any of their reactions that fun to watch. they didnt anything to the convo.#idk how new ben (birb) is but i used to like his reactions back when he would pause a lot and make longer comments. new hes making very-#short reactions and barely rewinds/pauses for comments.#i dont watch reacttorhek anymore at first bc they werent doing reactions to my faves anymore so there wasn’t anything for me to watch#but then I discovered that they have a doc where they’ve made a list of groups/songs they wouldn’t be reacting to#i think the explanation was that the producer has to choose songs that are complex enough and are worth their artists reacting to#which made sense but seeing the songs/groups they are reacting to (granted i dont stan any of them) it seems like they’re actually mostly-#-reacting to the most popular groups and not necessarily the groups/cbs that deserves the attention#like it makes sense for them to be picky bc they’re a huge team and cant be mass producing tons of videos like some of these solo reactors#but it seems like instead of picking actually musically complex and interesting songs from lesser known/underrated groups theyre just-#-picking groups that will bring the most views.#i just scrolled thru their channel and nearly all the videos were reactions of popular 4th gen gps#essentially the only reactor i still enjoy watching to some degree is PD#But i still cant get over the fact that none of these reactors ever have anything other than praise to say abt evey song they react to#even I dont like EVERY song my bias group releases#so even when i watch a reaction of a song/mv i DO LIKE i dont know if the person is being genuine abt liking it#okay i think I’m done 🤔#niki screaming into the void#long post
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supnerds · 2 years
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NINTH! have u watched anything new recently that you liked? or supremely disliked?
okay so I was holding off on answering this until after my exam this morning but then I woke up sick as a dog so now this is my consolation prize.
Anyway!! Let me tell you the wonders of one of the latest shows I’ve watched: Parallel World Pharmacy, aka Isekai Yakkyoku!
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so side note I’m coming back to this after finishing typing the whole thing and holy wow I went on a bit of a ramble. Idk how to put things under a “read more” on mobile so this is your only warning :)
Our main character is a research pharmacist, who works hard to discover new drugs to benefit patients. However he realizes too late that he misses working with real patients - the main reason why he became a pharmacist. Unfortunately, our dude dies from overworking because setting healthy limits for ourselves is so last century.
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Surprise surprise however - he doesn’t go to the afterlife or whatnot - instead he wakes up in the body of Pharma de Medicis, a ten year old boy who is the son of the head pharmacist in a medieval fantasy world (listen I know how it sounds stick with me)
Part of this world’s mechanics are that nobles are distinct from commoners by the fact that they are able to wield a specific element (hello atla). Before our dude moved in, Pharma had previously only been able to create water (these nobles can wield one of the four elements, and only in a create or destruct way - never both and never more than one). Somehow, Pharma 2.0 now has the ability to create and destroy any element he can think of (hello 21 century knowledge) and uses his knowledge of chemical structures to create medications to help those around him. Through reasons, he is able to open the first pharmacy for nobles and commoners alike, and quickly grows in popularity.
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Okay so now for my thoughts on the whole thing. I’m gonna be honest, the main reason I clicked on it was because the title said pharmacy and I am actually currently in pharmacy school. I may have gotten a wee bit excited that there was an anime out there focused on my career path (because let’s be honest have you ever seen anything about pharmacy? they say pharmacy is a small world and they are absolutely correct). As I was watching, Pharma actually consistently used accurate treatments for all the conditions he finds which was so exciting for me. I remember there was one episode where a person had tuberculosis - I only learned about the treatments for that sometime last year and the anime got it all right, down to even the chemical structure. So yeah on that hand it’s super cool for me.
One potential drawback - my man Pharma is ridiculously OP, and consistently continues to get more so. I actually looked up the manga after finishing the anime and the manga does a better job of actually showing him get tired and hitting his limits (which was a great callback to you know HOW HE DIED IN THE FIRST PLACE) but still. There’s an amusing bit with some characters who believe him to be an incarnation of the God of Medicine (which the further we get into the story the more likely it seems) and keeps hinting that he may not have much longer in this world for all the power he has, which would be nice to see as a limiter on how much he can do. The story does show how Terrifying he can be with access to so much power, which is also really cool
Story-wise, I found the whole thing pretty compelling. Again I may be biased re: the whole pharmacy thing, but I honestly really enjoyed the whole thing. Another drawback - really long times between updates, or maybe just for English translations. It’s been at least 2 months since the last chapter was posted, which yes not that long but also I want more
also the overall style is just absolutely amazing I love the art and backgrounds etc so here have a few more pics
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Overall I think it was a really good show/manga, though if I had to pick between the two I’d go with the manga largely due to just how much More there is and for actually giving him limits and such.
lol that got a lot longer than I thought it would. thanks for letting me ramble!
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beyondxmeasure · 2 years
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Annual Writing Review
Thank you to @littleroverlouis @allwaswell16 @brightgolden and @thinlinez for tagging me in this.
1. Number of stories posted on AO3 in 2021: 8
2. Word count posted for the year: 176,210 Total. 166,050 (One Direction) 10,160 (Schitt’s Creek)
Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Schitt’s Creek
Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson; David Rose/Patrick Brewer
Story with the most: Kudos: A Simple Twisted Fate Bookmarks: A Simple Twisted Fate Comments: Freedom Always Comes With a Price
Work I'm most proud of (and why): Freedom Always Comes With a Price because it took me so long to complete. I had so many various obstacles along the way, and it became such a hard story to finish with a really complicated plot line. It made me rethink writing something that size ever again, but I have to remind myself that I essentially wrote a novel in just under a year (and only my second work posted for the fandom), so no matter what, it’s a pretty big accomplishment.
Work I'm least proud of (and why): Longing Like a Searchlight. Although I am very proud of this work, it felt a bit thrown together at the last minute, and I wasn’t able to execute it exactly how I envisioned it in my head, nor put the final polish with editing on it like I usually do. But I’ve got a lot of positive feedback, so that makes me proud. Someday, I will go back and spruce it up a bit!
Share or describe a favorite review you received: “I’ve never seen anyone weave in real life quotes and references so seamlessly. It was honestly my favorite part, so thank you.” I love this because one of my favorite things to do is sneak in interview quotes, fandom jokes or references like Easter eggs and see who notices. It’s always nice to hear about it when they do!
A time when writing was really, really hard: IDK?? Writing is always hard! I have very little time to do it with how much I work and struggle to stay focused with my ADHD, so I can’t think of any specific time except ALL the time! Hahaha. But I have recently discovered deep focus/binaural music on YouTube and Spotify that has been a total game changer for me. I live in my noise-canceling headphones now.
A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you: Almost all of Twisted Fate, mostly because I had a completely different second half planned out and changed it the week before I posted it. Completely scrapped 8k words with 10k new ones in 4 days. Utter chaos! LOL.
A favorite excerpt of your writing: Taken from I Know You Rider (Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone) Louis squeezes his eyes shut. Just as they enter the last tunnel, a firm hand splays warm across his back, long fingers wrapping around his middle to pull him in close. Louis’ arms land easily around Harry’s shoulders. Another hand ghosts across Louis’ neck, thumbing along his cheekbone and closing the distance. Warm breath washes over his lips. His fingertips knead into the supple skin of the back of Harry’s neck, letting the short, blunt edges of his nails scratch gently at the nape, coaxing him on. Their lips press together, hot, wet, and urgent. They’re strangers in the dark, but they find each other with ease and fit into each other’s space as if they’re meant to be there, warming themselves with glowing embers that have grown from a single spark. Louis loses himself in the scent and taste and feel of this boy close against his skin. His head is swimming with desire. Everything in this moment is a blur, a rush to all his senses, but the one thing that breaks through the fog in his mind is that he needs more, more, more.
How did you grow as a writer for this year: Last year my brother got me a subscription to Masterclass, so I used some of what I learned in those lessons. I continued the subscription this year as a gift to myself, so I hope to binge a lot more this new year. I didn’t take enough time to use it, so that’s another goal of mine!
How do you hope to grow next year: See above (More Masterclass) but also, write less and write more. Use fewer words to write better work, but also write more stories… shorter, less involved fics. Conquer my fear of the drabbles and ficlets.
Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): So many! But off the top of my head, I would say @zanniscaramouche probably because she was such an amazing and patient beta. She gave me tons of great constructive criticism and advice that has really stuck with me and pointed out a lot of my challenges that I can easily spot and fix now. I have noticed my writing has improved a lot just by keeping her tips in mind anytime I write.
Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Not that I can think of, but I rarely pull from my own experiences (for plot ideas anyway). But I did recently have an idea for a Christmas fic. I didn’t have time to write that has a lot of myself in the characterization of Louis. Planning on turning it into an advent fic! 🤞
Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Outlining is your friend! I used to be a ‘panster’ with everything I wrote, and would just start with the beginning of an idea and write. But now I outline everything, even if it’s just rough notes or a semblance of a brainstorm. I have to see my story arc from start to finish on paper before I write. I usually use the ‘beat sheet’ method/template and plot out each idea for that point in the storyline. The nice thing about this is that whenever I get stuck somewhere, it allows me to jump around to another section and always be writing, so I’m not waiting to get out of my writer’s block before I can move forward. At least I’m making progress somewhere. Then I just cobble all the pieces together later and fill in the gaps, if any.
Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: My Big Bang, Fitness Instructor Harry, maybe my Eroda Fest??, and an advent fic with an idea I had this past Christmas but didn’t have time for, and a few other ideas…
Tag some writers whose answer you'd like to read.
I’m sure I’m tagging people that have already done this or have been tagged. But here goes anyway! Love you all… play if you want, ignore if you don’t.
@twopoppies @chloehl10 @solvetheminourdreams @casuallyhl @soldouthaz @bottomlinsons @2tiedships2 @falsegoodnight @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @canonlarry @outropeace @itjustkindahappened @softfonds @dehydratedpool @sadaveniren @afangirlfantasy @daggerandrose @herefortommo @queenbeeharry @gaycousinlarry
Happy New Year!
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im-whatchamccallit · 3 years
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Crushcrushcrush//Kim Hongjoong (ATEEZ)
Request:  Hi i was wondering if you could do a soulmate werewolf hongjoong x human female reader angst and fluff like she over hears hongjoong saying something and she gets sad and shy and worried and stuff.....
Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Fem!Reader
Genre: Angst with fluff at the end, Werewolf!AU, Soulmate!AU, a bit of College!AU
Warnings: Hongjoong’s kind of a dick with irrational thinking, cussing I guess
Word Count: 7.2k
(A/N: Lets just pretend I didn’t disappear for 6 whole months, but i am back and my medication is no longer giving me the big sad so I’m a little more motivated to write.This isn’t the best work I’ve done, this is actually idea 10 for this prompt and idk if it’s executed properly but Imma keep trying and hopefully, to keep from falling back into a slump, I’ll start a new series so I have a regular scheduled fic for everyone. Also, I think I botched expressing the AUS here but just let me know what you think. Sorry for always disappearing, I can’t promise I won’t go off the grid again but I’ll try harder to be active in anyway)
Your mother always said crushes stayed crushes for a reason: they hurt. Bad. But you thought she was wrong, that your feelings for someone could one day be reciprocated later if not sooner, and that’s what led you to him. Kim Hongjoong. The day you met was a complete accident, your body slamming into his as you wandered aimlessly during your freshman year of high school. He was gorgeous with wide brown eyes, beautiful pink lips and cheeks, his hair styled differently from the other boys to reveal his forehead, showing his individuality. He was perfection.
“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Those were the first words he spoke to you, his voice so gentle, so sweet. And the way he reached out to help you with no hesitation, holding your hands as he pulled you up effortlessly.
It was love at first sight, all until he looked down to your hands, eyes catching a glimpse of your wrist, a row of zeros peeking through the sleeve of your uniform jacket. He slowly pushed the fabric up, both your eyes widening to see your soulmate clock had finally timed out, his hands releasing yours to check his own wrist, a quiver to his lips as his clock matched yours, his once soft eyes now hard as he stared you down.
“Stay far away from me.” He warned, not saying another word as he headed to his homeroom, your body frozen as you watched him disappear. He was so harsh, yet you liked him. Maybe suddenly finding his soulmate scared him, but it was no problem to you! You were bound to end up together so you played the waiting game with him, being the perfect soulmate you could possibly be whether he accepted it or not.
And that led you here, now seniors in college and still acting the way you were when you met. Hongjoong was still cold, treating you like some plague while you could only smile along. You weren’t sure how you missed the fact you lived in a predominantly werewolf area until a public service announcement came on your television one night to remind humans to stay indoors during the full moon, that night dedicated to werewolves being as free as they could be, but it made you even more hopeful when you were on your way home from work one night, taking a shortcut through the woods since it lead right to your backyard.
You were 16 at the time, so the sight of a shirtless person would obviously make you flustered, but a shirtless Hongjoong? Enough to cause a nosebleed. He was 16 as well, the exact age a werewolf develops a mate bond and, seeing as you’ve already been confirmed as soulmates in the human world, the sudden desire to latch onto you and never let you go once you locked eyes only made your lifelong attachment more real, and he was freaking out. He didn’t speak, opting to shift without removing the remainder of his clothes, your eyes wide as he moved deeper through the thick trees and towards the horizon where the orange sky was in full view and, the grin on your face just couldn’t stop growing. You knew werewolves had a stronger drive to their mates, so the idea that he could avoid you forever was laughable. Sure, you were both 23 and he has uped his disdain for you from staying silent to calling you any vile name he could think of, but it was only a matter of time before he came around. You just knew it.
“(Y/n), stop gawking.” Miyeon joked, poking your side to snap you from your daydreams, your eyes widening when you noticed a few of Hongjoong’s friend’s catching your gaze, a blush painting your face as you turned away.
“I wasn’t gawking, just making sure their table was okay. I am their waitress tonight.”
“And every other night because you said, and I quote, ‘I wanna work at any table my Joongie’s going to be at!’” She mocked, your eyes rolling as you looked back towards them.
You took a job at a diner just a few blocks from both your apartment and college campus, the pay great and the distance convenient. It was the only time you had to yourself instead of lingering to Hongjoong, figuring out his classes and breaks to give him snacks and lunches you’d personally make for him since you overheard him complain about the campus food before, only to be told they tasted like shit and he’d find his own food. It was a bit of a kick to the face to hear that, but you had one saving grace: his pack. The first time Hongjoong sent you away with a bitter remark, they were curious about you, tracking you down when they weren’t with their alpha to get more info on who you were and what you found so loveable about the man treating you like some demon. They were surprised by how sweet you were and how accepting you were to be the unwanted luna of an eight-wolf pack. They could never hate Hongjoong but they sure as hell loved you just a little more than him. Unbeknownst to both of you, Yunho and Mingi found out where you worked, making a plan with the others to take Hongjoong there as much as possible so he would have no choice but to interact with you, even if he stayed silent to not appear like an asshole in front of the various strangers dining as well. Hongjoong would honestly never return if he had the choice, but something about the restaurant’s signature burger kept bringing him back, which is why he was here, sipping his soda angrily as he waited on his meal that would be served by his worst nightmare, you.
“I don’t know why you don’t just find someone else. Isn’t it easy for humans to reject soulmates? You could move on with no problems.” She said, helping you grasp onto the steel tray covered in various meals, a huff leaving you as you put on a bright smile.
“Because I know it’s harder to move on for wolves. You guys don’t have a choice on who your mates are, and you just accept it once you meet them. I know Hongjoong will accept me eventually, it’s just gonna take some time.” You gave one more smile before wobbling towards the table in question.
Hongjoong tried not to follow the gaze of his pack as they watched you happily approach them, letting out a huff as you adjusted the tray onto your shoulder, grasping the plates and placing them in front of the respective person, Hongjoong’s nose twitching at the smell of his burgers and fries, not wasting anytime to dig in as the other’s thanked you, but you shyly looked at the male before you, the tray pressed to your chest as you tried to find a casual way to speak with him.
“I-uh- I-I remembered last time you asked for extra cheese, so I decided to put cheese in the burger too! I hope you like it better than the tofu stew I made you for lunch the other week.”
“I didn’t ask for extra cheese this time, so why put it inside my burger where I can’t take it off?” He said spitefully, mouth still full as he set the half-eaten burger down.
Your smile faltered but bounced back as you reached towards his plate.
“O-oh! Well, I can take it back and make you another! This time I ca-“
“’This time’? You should’ve just done it from the start. Your job is to listen and do what you’re told and you can’t even do that? What can you do right?”
You swallowed hard, your eyes wandering to the people now staring at you as the scene unfolded, your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you tried to hold it together. The worst he’s called you in an idiot and that was usually under his breath, so to practically say it out loud, in front of strangers while you were in the middle of a shift and forced to do nothing but smile like you usually would, felt like you were being stabbed and burned simultaneously. You couldn’t keep smiling, looking down as you tried to apologize, only for him to cut you off once again.
“Go bother someone else. Or hide in the back if you’re just gonna keep fucking up this much.”
The space was eerily silent, even with the soft music playing, your eyes not leaving your shoes as you shuffled away. It was a pitiful sight, Seonghwa releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as you went to a neighboring table to retrieve plates and glasses left by a couple from before. He was ready to tear Hongjoong’s head off, not as a gamma to an alpha but as one friend to another, his jaw tight as he prepared to berate him the way he did you but, somehow, Wooyoung beat him by asking a question none of them thought to ask before.
“What did she ever do to you that you have to treat her like that?”
There was a strange but tense silence as they awaited his answer, watching him taking small bites of his fries as he stared ahead at nothing before turning to them with what could only be described as a sadistic smirk.
“Imagine being 13 and finding out the best years of your life, the years of dating, hooking up, just discovering who you are, are gone because your mate decides to show up and take that from you.”
“Are you fucking stupid? That’s the reason we have mates, so we can do those things with one person instead of random people!” Seonghwa nearly yelled, trying to keep his voice low as to not alarm anymore spectators again.
“For the past 7 years, I’ve been trying to get her to leave or just reject me, but it’s clear to me now that she’s just an idiot that doesn’t understand she’s not needed, by me or anyone. And, if you’re as dumb as her, I’ll simplify it for you: she’s unwanted.”
Whatever pain you felt before suddenly disappeared into a numbness you couldn’t explain. He knew you were there, that you could hear him, that you would hear him, and yet he still said it. You were conflicted and sad, your lips curling in a mixture of disgust and anger before settling on a bright smile. Never mind the fact your tears finally spilled over, that your heart ached with every beat and your body felt heavy with the weight of being rejected by someone you waited so long for, you just had to smile. Soulmates were supposed to be a sure thing, supposed to be your happily ever after, yet it just turned out to be a crush, one that you should’ve let die the day you met him.
“(Y/n/n)…” Miyeon spoke cautiously as you made your way towards the bar, your other coworkers watching from beside her as if you were some strange spectacle.
“We have to start cleaning, y’know? It’ll help us get out of here a lot faster tonight.” You said in your usual cheerful tone, tears still flowing and a faint crack to your voice.
“How about you just head home for the day, (Y/n)? We can handle everything from here.” Your manager said, her eyes scanning your face as you moved past them and to the kitchen, their bodies following instinctively.
“What? No! I’m fine! We still have 4 more hours to go and I think if I get a head start with the chefs for tomorrow lunch specials I ca-“
“(Y/n), please-“
“I’m fine, Miyeon! Really! It’s not like I got broken up with or anything, I never even had a boyfriend! Just a crush on someone that thinks I’m a waste of space! Isn’t that super ironic? Spending most of your life chasing after someone that wants nothing to do with you? That’s really funny, right?” You choked out, lips pursing into a thin line to keep in your sobs but your attempts were futile, everything slowly starting to hit you at once until your body collapsed, one of the other servers catching you before you hit the ground.
It was all a blur from there, the words of comfort everyone offered turning into muffled noise as your cries of agony came out freely, the way Miyeon dragged you from the emergency exit at the back of the building and to her car to take you home, and even when you crawled into bed and managed to sleep despite the pounding headache. 7 years came and went and there was nothing to show for it. No soulmate, no boyfriend, no romance, not even a friendship. You were empty and for some reason the only thing filling your heart and mind was the person who broke you.
It felt like time stood still yet hours had passed, Hongjoong back in his own bedroom pressing away at his keyboard, stopping occasionally to write a few notes down from his new composition, but he wasn’t distracted enough to hear his door open, various footsteps entering and even a few bodies settling in on his bed, his eyes not bothering to leave his notebook as he figured this moment would come.
“You don’t need to lecture me.” He grumbled, going back to play a few more notes only to find his keyboard unplugged, Mingi tossing the cord away as his alpha stared him down.
“It’s only a lecture if you listen and learn, which you won’t, so we’re gonna make you feel as bad as possible for driving away the only person that gave a shit about you.” San said with a bright smile, a scoff leaving Hongjoong as he finally turned in his chair to face them, eyes scanning the room to see this situation wasn’t playful but truly hostile, almost like an ambush.
“So, you guys don’t care about me?”
“Trying to get you to accept your soulmate so you don’t die shows we care a lot more than we should.” Yeosang spoke, making himself comfortable as he sat against the pillow and headboard.
“But we’re the real assholes for trying to force her with someone as shitty as you.” Seonghwa finally said, Hongjoong’s head snapping in his direction as he let out a dry chuckle, shifting in his seat so he was leaning backwards, arms crossed as he told himself to stay calm during his friend’s potential tantrum.
“I feel like you have the most to say since you’ve been in love with my mate the longest, so go ahead, tell me how I’m such a bad man, Seonghwa. I’m all ears.” His smugness made the tension worse, Seonghwa stepping closer with clenched fist.
“I’m not in love with you mate, but if I didn’t know someone was waiting for me because we were fated to be together, maybe I would have asked (Y/n) out, because she deserves better than a lowlife with the brain function of a dead goldfish. But I respect her too much as your mate and my luna to not push those boundaries so I tried to help her get closer to you because I know you, Hongjoong. You’re not an asshole or a jerk, but to her? You treat her like shit, when really you’d have no one without her. You’re a short, scrawny, nerdy moron that locks himself in a dark room for days on end just to complete a single project, then emerge to eat cold pizza and watch Despicable Me because your pea-sized brain can’t comprehend anything that isn’t brightly colored animation. If you take away your alpha status, no girl would even look in your direction but you have someone literally at your side, the only human not afraid of you, trying to figure out everything there is to know about you, yet you can’t give her the time of day. You probably don’t even know a damn thing about her.”
“Unfortunately, I know more than enough about her.” Hongjoong spoke, all amusement gone as he glared at the older male, their mindlink clogged with threatening growls and barks, trying to keep their fight from getting physical.
That first sentence alone made Hongjoong’s blood boil, his face contorted in a mixture of pain and disgust. How could Seonghwa even say that to him, plotting to steal his mate all because he was a bit uncertain? That all it was, uncertainty! He didn’t hate you, or wish you weren’t around, he actually grew to anticipate and enjoy your ramblings about your day or whatever new thing caught your attention, he actually even loved the lunches that you’d make for him. He couldn’t help that over the years he grew to crave you more, but the thought of fully accepting you and solidifying that the best years of his life were about to be gone, restricted to one person forever before he could even determine for himself his likes and dislikes, what he considered real love rather than what fate wanted him to feel, was terrifying. So he distanced himself from you, spending the years watching you from afar in hopes that if he didn’t get too close he wouldn’t lose his free will completely.
But it was a bad habit that seeped into your college years, everyone assuming he cared so little for you when he knew everything there was to know. He knew where you worked before any of the boys did, where your apartment was, the fact you were a business major planning to open a bakery once you graduated, he knew you didn’t have classes on Fridays but always came back on campus because you prepared meals for the men’s and women’s wrestling team which is where Jongho first met you, he knew you hated mint chocolate chip ice cream just like him but loved chocolate ice cream with mint chips, he knew you were always cold but overheat at night and wake up at exactly 3am to change into shorts and a tank top to be more comfortable, he knew about the birthmark on your lower back and a scar on your hip from a cat scra-
“Holy shit, you’re insane.” Wooyoung breathed out, Hongjoong’s eyes focusing on the room in front of him, a mixture of shocked expressions and amused ones filling his vision.
“I liked it better when we thought you hated her but, hyung, you’ve been stalking her since your freshman year of high school?” Jongho asked cautiously.
It was a weird feeling bubbling inside Hongjoong, the primary one being embarrassment. He knew he’d sometimes unintentionally rant in their mindlink whenever he was upset but to make an almost decade long secret public to his pack, revealing the intimate details of how you slowly but surely ingrained yourself into not only his brain but his life until he felt like he was going crazy? It made him tear up, his face burn with a blush as he was finally forced to face the truth. He pushed you away but wanted you more than anything. He wanted to spend his years free to explore before finally settling down only to reject every girl that came close to him simply because they weren’t you, and he took that anger out on you. What was he so mad about? The fact you stood by his side with a smile happily accepting him while he tried and failed to lust after other women? Was he that pathetic? He could admit now that he was and, if he could turn back time, he would’ve introduced himself and walked you to class. Just the first step of fully accepting you.
“You’re still ranting in the mindlink, you know?” Seonghwa said softly, regaining the once again lost focus of his alpha who was too consumed in his own pity to notice the tension died down, their gazes soft as they tried to sympathize with their leader.
“Sorry. I wish none of you heard that stuff.” He admitted, sniffling as he realized he’d been crying, hand hurriedly wiping away tears from his cheeks.
“Well, it’s a good thing we did. We still think you’re a moron, but at least we know you’re feeling guilty about all of this.”
“Don’t worry, Joong, if you know (Y/n) like we do, she always sees the best in people, so she’ll forgive you. But you still have to apologize.” San followed up Mingi’s words, wrapping an arm around Hongjoong shoulders while giving a bright smile in response to his weak one.
“She’s my TA in Calc 3 and I have that class around noon tomorrow. She always stays after in case anyone has questions, so I can stall until you get there.” Yunho offered, Hongjoong feeling a slight warmth in his chest thinking about it all. He’d let go of his insecurities, fix everything he’s done wrong, and finally have you as his. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
And tomorrow did come, but you were nowhere to be found. When Hongjoong arrived to Yunho’s class, he was met with a sympathetic apology on the account that you didn’t show up that day, you weren’t even at any of your other classes. The boys even tried to find you at work only to be met with a mob of your pissed coworkers led by Miyeon, threatening to rip their heads off if she saw their faces again. And that lasted for nearly 3 days, Hongjoong’s hope slowly dwindling away until he noticed two figures sneakily meeting halfway at the school’s entrance to exchange a large white cooler.
He recognized those bulky arms anywhere, and the thick Aussie accent was a dead giveaway as well, especially when it was followed by a distinct giggle. There was no mistaking it was Chan, but he could barely see the person with him, their voice low as they spoke to him and face hidden beneath a hood, but the scent emitting from them was strong, and beautiful, his eyes widening as he finally took it all in. You looked different, wearing a dark grey matching sweat suit which was a complete 180 from your usual attire, and you smelled faintly of passionfruit, possibly a change to your normal shampoo in an attempt to disguise yourself, but that thought only made his heart hurt more. Were you intentionally avoiding him? He could understand you hating him now but you were even ignoring the others in his pack, going from friends to complete strangers in a matter of hours and leaving them all devastated. He was going to fix this, here and now, if not for him and you than for his friends.
“Jongho’s been pretty upset about you not responding to his text. It’d really help if you stopped by to at least let him know you’re okay.” Chan pleaded, giving you a dimpled smile and hopeful gaze that made it impossible for you to hide your blushing face and grin.
“I just need a little more time, Chris. It’s like if you broke up with your mate and all the friends you made through her left you too. Except it’s me being broken up with by someone who was never my boyfriend and his friends came to me instead of me going to them. But, still, it hurts all the same.” You laughed slightly, trying to find some humor in the situation.
“You’re the only person that still calls me Chris.” He commented, trying to redirect the conversation as you clearly weren’t fine, neither of you noticing the burning glare just a few meters away.
“I just think it fits you best.” You admitted, neither of you breaking eye contact until you gasped, staring down to the box of food and drinks you bought.
“You should hurry to practice. You need to eat beforehand otherwise you’ll be weak after warmups alone. And I worked hard making those sandwiches and cutting that fruit, if it goes bad because you stayed here to cheer me up, I’ll really be mad.” You tried to put on your best scowl, your scolding undermined by his amused laughter.
“Alright, fine. Just stay safe, please?” You nodded, waving as you watched him turn to head to the school’s gymnasium, missing the way Chan glared at Hongjoong as he continued forward. Chan and Hongjoong’s packs were close, family almost, so the news of what Hongjoong did and why reached them in no time, and Chan was hoping today things would be fixed soon because, apart from you being the wrestling team’s beloved personal chef, you were like a sister to him.
You wasted no time leaving the campus behind, ready to go back into the darkness of your bedroom to forget you existed. You really wish you could disappear, that the ground would split beneath you and swallow you whole, but you couldn’t just leave when your phone was filled with calls and messages from friends and coworkers wondering where you were and if you were fine. So many people cared, what kind of person would you be to leave them all alone like this, especially when all they wanted was to help you? But being alone helped, trying to live life as normal as possible while adjusting to a Hongjoong-free lifestyle helped. It would take some time, but you’d find your normal someday. All you had to do was avoid-
“(Y/n)!” Your body froze.
He rarely called you by your name but his voice was distinct on its own, and it was the most sickly sweet thing you’ve ever heard. You wanted to run, to never have him see you like this. Dear god, how did you even look right now? You felt like shit, you probably looked the part. Dammit, Hongjoong was right all along, you were shit. You were worse than shit, you were just pathetic. A pathetic, lovestruck loser itching to just turn and say hi, to have the conversation you always dreamed of but you knew that wouldn’t happen. He’ll yell at you again. He’ll-
“(Y/n)? H-hi…” Hongjoong said shyly, standing right in front of you as you shrank into yourself.
His brows furrowed as you looked away, mentally arguing with yourself as you went over the days of self-reflecting you did, trying to find some lesson from your solitude to aid in this situation and it was starting to scare him. You were never quiet with him, you always had something to say even if it wasn’t important but, luckily, he had something important to say and hopefully you’d listen.
“I- T-the other day…. I w-was…. I-I’m sorry.” He stammered out, this confession a lot harder than he thought, especially now that you were facing him, eyes just as innocent as the day he met you, but he couldn’t run away this time.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. Everyone told me I was an idiot and I think they’re right. I treated you like you were garbage for years, all because I didn’t want to be mated so young. I just wanted to date around before I finally settled down with someone and, m-maybe I could’ve just said that, so you didn’t have to wait around for me all these years but, I never hated you, and I can’t hate you. I know you won’t forgive me right away but I think it’s only fair that I can be a good mate to you now.”
He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the desperate ‘please’ he wanted to add as your pupils began to shake, almost as if you were a machine malfunctioning, none of your self-reflecting preparing you for this moment, the only thing coming to mind being some sad blog article you found during your second day of isolation. ‘Forgiving and forgetting too soon is dangerous. Find yourself’. It wasn’t what you wanted but maybe what you need, what he needed. So, without hesitation, you smiled brightly at him although it never reached your eyes, clearing your throat as you tried to keep your voice steady.
“Hongjoong, I can’t forgive you easily. I waited for you, I tried to make you accept me and it always ended up with me getting hurt. Honestly, if I just treated you like a regular crush, maybe we could’ve forgotten we’re meant to be together until after graduation or something.” You laughed awkwardly, wanting to look away as his eyes softened in the saddest way, but you needed to do this, eyes locked on his as you exhaled through your nose.
“I couldn’t be by your side all the time, so whether you dated anyone is still a mystery to me but, I’ve been alone for seven years hoping you’d come around, and I think it’s time I take those years back. I’m not sure if what you said counted as a rejection or if we’re still mates but, if we are, we’ll come back to each other eventually. For now, I just need some time.”
You managed to walk past him without completely collapsing in tears, speed walking back to your apartment as you tried to swallow sobs, not even taking in the way Hongjoong stumbled to follow you, almost like a zombie as he attempted to plead for you to reconsider, to force himself to accept your decision but ask how long you needed, but he couldn’t do that. He tried to picture himself in your shoes, seven years of pining only to be publicly humiliated by the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. He couldn’t blame you for not forgiving him, and he sure as hell couldn’t force you, so he let you go, trudging in the opposite direction to his two story apartment just to hide in his bedroom until he didn’t feel like dying anymore.
But as more days passed and it only got harder for Hongjoong. He barely left his room but also never slept, every song he created was played in minor scales to fit his now melancholy life. The charisma he typically exuded was hidden with puffy red eyes from crying and a yellow knit sweater a few sizes too large for his body but it was the only thing that comforted him at this point, especially when knowing you had reconnected with everyone but him.
After exactly one week of distancing yourself from the world, you caved and meet with the boys individually (sans Hongjoong), apologizing for needing space although they completely understood, but the way each interaction ended made your guts churn with guilt. ‘Stay safe, luna’, that’s how all of them addressed you before they left, leaving you filled with the desire to return to how things were before. You missed your friends and, the fact your mate was finally ready to claim you, only made you want to forgive Hongjoong sooner. But you needed to be your own person for once. You had seven years worth of relationships to catch up on and you wouldn’t let them keep you from that.
Except when they did.
You should’ve known it was risky letting them know you had a date so soon, just some other human on campus that had yet found his soulmate. They sounded happy for you, Wooyoung going so far to ask where you met and where your date would be and what time, giving suggestions on what to say and wear since it was “your first”. It was a sweet gesture, and you thought nothing of it, but that information meant everything to him which led to now, the boys huddled together in their living room with a slightly paler and sickly looking Hongjoong curled into the corner of their loveseat.
“So they’re going bowling tonight at 8:30? We could ask her about it tomorrow in case she’s into him because hyung isn’t looking too great.” Yeosang commented, everyone looking to Hongjoong as he managed to drown his entire body within the sweater, only his head visible as he stared ahead like some lost puppy.
“He’s just weak from not being around her for so long, but their bond is still there so he’s fine. But we have nothing to worry about. She won’t fall in love with him so don’t get too involved, she’ll just stop talking to us again if we meddle too much.” Seonghwa warned, a chorus of ‘Okays’ confirming their dismissal as they all stood to retreat to their bedrooms.
“Wait, who is she going out with anyways? There’s only 10 other humans at that school.” Mingi’s question cause everyone to freeze, the silence in the room contrasting with the faint answer Woooyung gave in their mindlink, Hongjoong turning to look at him with hurt and pain.
“Why didn’t you say it was Yugyeom?!”
“I did! Just not to you, until now because I forgot to tune you out.” He said shyly, flinching as Hongjoong ran past him and right out their front door, none of them sure of what to do at that point.
It was such a minor yet major detail. Kim Yugyeom was admittedly the most wanted person any of them could think of. Human girls wanted him, werewolf girls wanted him, most guys couldn’t help but stare whenever he passed by. He was gorgeous with eyes that sparkled every time he smiled. He spoke about his soulmate with so much passion despite never meeting her, following his words with how he’d treat any girl before her with the same love and care. It was a pick up line meant to hook any hopelessly romantic girl in, the sweetest way to say their relationship wouldn’t last. But this was Kim Yugyeom, they knew it was only meant with good intentions, not wanting to string someone along with the false hope they’d be together forever. And that’s exactly what you needed. To explore while knowing you’d always come back to Hongjoong. But that’s not what Hongjoong wanted. He didn’t want you dating anyone else, finding temporary happiness when he was supposed to give you a lifetime of it. And humans were more flexible with their soulmates, they had the privilege to move one without the pain or withdrawals of losing their mate. Werewolves just died if they were rejected, heartbreak and loneliness consuming them, so there was no telling how your heart would react to someone exactly like you. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Maybe he’ll abandon his soulmate for you once he learns how amazing you are. Maybe Hongjoong would die from lack of food and sleep before he even reached your apartment, which he was still sprinting full speed towards. It was only 7:30pm, meaning he had an hour before you and Yugyeom went out, but he didn’t have a plan. He had no idea what he was doing, but he needed to stop you before you found yourself in love with someone else.
It was like some scene in a drama, Hongjoong’s chest heaving as he finally came to a stop just outside your apartment. His body felt like giving out as he climbed the two flights of stairs to your door, only to find you waving shyly to Yugyeom just as he turned away, trying not to lock eyes with Hongjoong but Hongjoong’s eyes were only trained on you, yours finding his as a panicked look crossed your face. Should you look away? Go back inside? What was he even doing there? You never told the boys your address… You gasped as he approached you, swallowing hard as you tried to remain calm, but how could you stay calm when you finally got a good look at him?
“Oh my god, are you okay?” You didn’t hesitate to ask, stepping further from your door to examine him, reaching for his face only to stumble back to your original position. You were making great progress, you can’t do that now.
“I’ve been better, but even then I wasn’t fine.” He said with a dry chuckle, your lips curling into a fake smile to not show how much his appearance affected you. He looked like he was on the brink of death. You knew wolves would get sick without their mates, but was it really killing him? Were you killing him?
“Joongi-Uhm, Hongjoong, how about you sit down? You look like you’re going to faint.” You offered, stepping back to allow him inside, watching him stumble past you and straight to your sofa as if he owned the place.
It was such an awkward moment for you, watching the poor boy curl into himself as his sweater practically became his body, a sigh leaving your lips as you shut your door. Instead of healing yourself, you had to heal him. It was oddly pitiful but your instincts screamed at you to do it.
Hongjoong shut his eyes as he eased into your sofa, feeling more comfortable than he was in his own home, even more so with your scent invading his senses, your body warmth radiating onto his as you carefully took a seat, trying to figure out what to do.
“Do you need food, or water? Or a doctor?” You asked, the giggle he let out this time weak but still enough to make your heart beat a bit faster.
“I just need you near me.” He admitted.
You let out a squeak as he shamelessly fell into your lap, head comfortably resting against your thighs as he laid face up. You couldn’t stop your hand from easing through his unnaturally colored locks, melting at how soft they were, bottom lip trapped under your teeth as you had to fight off the desire to cup his face. You’ve never gotten this close to him and he wasn’t telling you to go away, instead letting out content purrs as he nuzzled closer to you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. Why couldn’t he just want you from the start? You’d would’ve been able to hold him like this all the time, to see him happy and healthy rather than a shell of his former self. But he didn’t want you, and now he was at your apartment just to keep himself from dying. It was silly to think he cared about you as much as he did himself.
“Of course you do.” You whispered, laughing bitterly as your hand left his hair, moving to his arm to ease him back up into a sitting position.
You couldn’t get past him no matter how hard you tried, nor did you want to, but every word he said, everything he’s done, followed you like a ghost haunting some poor unsuspecting soul. Why did you have to love someone who didn’t love you the same? Why was this your life?
“Can you just hold me a little longer? P-please?” He asked with a cute whine to his voice.
You sighed and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him back into his previous position, fingers massaging his scalp as he finally opened his eyes to look at you. You were beautiful, even with the frown lines etched into your face. He wonder how long they’ve been there, especially when he’s only seen you smiling. Maybe you spent your alone time more upset than he thought. Where you upset before he came? You couldn’t be when Yugyeom was here, no one could be upset with him around. Except Hongjoong. He felt a grudge building inside him just from the mere thought of him with you. He felt like interrogating you on what he was doing here in the first place and why you gave your address out to just anyone, but it wasn’t his place to ask and probably wouldn’t be for a while, but jealousy and rage was all he felt so any reasonable thinking was thrown out the window.
“I don’t want you to see Yugyeom anymore.” He said definitely, your eyes widened as you stared at him incredulously, an amused giggle leaving your lips.
“That’s not for you to choose, Hongjoong. I told you I need time-“
“Those seven years you’ve been waiting I couldn’t be with anyone else. I always compared every girl I met to you and none of them came close to being as perfect, now I have to watch you date some dance major with pretty eyes because I was an insecure dumbass? He has a soulmate, and he’s always going to choose them no matter how much you like each other, so why not save your feelings? I’ll wait as long as you want me to, but just don’t fall in love with anyone else.”
You tried so hard to hide your smile. This wasn’t something you typically liked, possessive guys being on the list of things you found annoying, but considering it was Hongjoong, his soft eyes hard and sharp as their hue seemed to go pitch black as his words were both sweet and demanding, made you fall in love just a little more than you already were. You wanted to take this as his confession, as a truce in your previous one-sided enemyship, to tell him that you told Yugyeom you couldn’t go out with him because you could only see yourself with Hongjoong, but you needed time. Not time to date and explore the way you thought he had, but to watch him work as hard as you did to prove he was ready and willing to love you. It was a little malicious, sure, but it was all in good fun. He’d always be your mate after all.
“I don’t know, Hongjoong, you really hurt me…”
“It hurt knowing I wasn’t with you.” Your smile cracked through, causing his own to appear, your game already over.
“And how do you think I felt? You think you can make up seven years worth of waiting so easily?”
You squealed as he shot up, magically seeming more alive than when he arrived, eyes full of life and his lips and cheeks the same rosy color as when you met him, hands warm and soft as he cupped your face.
“Good thing I have forever to do it.”
The silence was comfortable but unbearable, especially as he hesitated to lean closer, your lips puckering to guide him but he didn’t seem to be catching on and, when he did, you shifted back, laughing awkwardly as you stared at one another, both of you taking a deep breath as you finally closed the gap between you, a weird electric sensation you could only dream of as your lips slowly grew accustom to one another, moving so slow yet feeling so urgent. It was all still new to the both of you, romance and dating only now becoming part of your lives, but it was exciting knowing that you had years ahead of you to perfect it, your entire lives dedicated to loving one another. And it only took a seven year crush to get you here.
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halcyon-writings · 3 years
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Hey I dont know if your open for requests but I was wondering if you could possibly do an imagine for sero, Amajiki, and bakugou where they're in a relationship that is just rocking the addam family vibes. Hand kiss, random waltz, unduing love. Just that sort of thing. Sorry if the ask is long. Love your work!
note(s): this request is really cute and i cannot stop thinking about it. and please don’t apologize it’s no trouble at all! but you know what else that means? they’re goth !!! good for them good for them!! gn reader as per usual folks let’s get it
hcs under the cut!!
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as much as i hate what a certain part of the fandom did when it came to hc’ing sero as hispanic, i wholeheartedly back it bc i too am hispanic and its what i personally deserve- Anyway, i like to think that he loves dancing. And I feel like Sero is a big dork, a sap, and he would be the kind of guy to just pull his s/o into a random waltz/slow dance regardless of whether or not there’s music playing.
If there is none, he will provide the music. Either from his phone or from himself; yes, he will sing some cheesy old song while he spins you around and dances with you. man, now i want an s/o like him. Please stop him, but also don’t since it’s really cute. He only really does it when he has that like sixth sense that you’re feeling down. Sero starts to hum a familiar tune, and he gives you a smug look when you hide a small smile from him. But you humor him anyway.
Sero makes this funny, sweet, and sappy. The whole shebang. But since you mention the Addam’s family, just imagining goth sero or like... goth aligned jdgksjgds. He would match outfits with you if that was your kind of aesthetic too. And whenver he sees something that might remind him of you, and just gets so happy to see that you like it.
But anyway back to the waltzing, I feel like he just knows about it from like reading about it on wikipedia, or just the internet in general whenever it was like 3 am and he’s scrolling on his phone. (And maybe he practiced to want to impress you, but he will admit that to no one. Denki might have caught him once and after making him swear to secrecy, then Sero will pretend no one had seen anything. You caught him one day using a mop as a dance partner and it was really cute to see him get all flustered. But you promise him a dance anyway, (and maybe a kiss too but that’s between you two and the bakusquad who you discovered was there for emotional support). 
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tama... my wonderful boy, the light of my life, small warning for spoilers but like hori where is he, please i’ll give you the 5 dollars i have in my purse just let me see my baby. PLEASE IM DESPARATE-
*coughs* so anyway, as someone who’s overall a giant mix of anxiety and overthinking, Tamaki definitely is the type of person who grounds these worries through physical contact. Whether it’s you walking arm in arm, or hand in hand (more likely than not it’s the first option, as the second almost has him combusting bc of the way your hands are so warm and how they fit his own, or how his fit in yours).
It becomes a mini ritual to just take your hand in his and kiss your palm. Granted, the poor thing is just really red the entire time so it’s all the more endearing. But Tamaki is doing his best, and that’s all I ask of him. In return, give his hand a squeeze and he’s just, settled by your side (think the one meme of ariana grande except he’s ariana and you’re pete ;loves to walk hand in hand with you). While you don’t actively do it, you know sometimes that his anxiety makes it very difficult to talk to people so sometimes you talk for him, only when he says it’s okay though! But you will fight a person if they say anything about it negatively.
Another thing he likes to do is link pinkies!!! Idk why but the mental image of that is just so cute. Although this was more common in the beginning of your relationship (bc he just knew that his palms were sweaty and he didn’t want you to notice) but he still does it from time to time!!! Like maybe the hallways at UA or the train home are a bit crowded. Having you nearby also helps him feel that you’re safe too.
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Katsuki, aka the Ride or Die Extraordinaire. I’ve seen this hc a lot in general, but he’d literally never casually date. when you’re together that’s it, he’s set on you and you only. And like, highkey that’s oddly comforting dhdjdjd. Safe to say, he is dedicated.
And while he’s not very into pda, not bc of that Image™️ that people try and say he has, but really it’s because it’s not something he needs to show that he’s with you, he knows you and trusts you (but it doesn’t mean he complains when you put your hand in his, fingers intertwined just don’t point out the way his ears flush a bright red, otherwise he’ll act like he doesn’t and it only makes him more red).
He may not look it, but he’ll also match in aesthetic if you want him too. Bakugo is that much of your biggest fan and personal cheerleader. If you’re unsure of a color maybe not fitting you or a certain style, he will go out and get you more clothes like that both for you and him. In his words, “You’re fine as hell and this is the one time I’ll accept not being number 1.” Or something along those lines. If someone says anything negative about it, you have to stop him from verbally tearing them a new one.
Adding to that last point, he’s protective but not to the point where he’s overprotective He knows you’re fully capable of kicking ass. (including his *cough*) Like I just wanna reiterate that if there was anyone that was so dedicated to an s/o in a sort of manner that Cortez is to Morticia, it’d be Katsuki. I take no criticism.
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mysterystarz · 3 years
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*fell in love with bokuto's daughter being a singer* Nova, I have a request. Timeskip Tanaka (and kiyoko) finding out their daughter is or was in a band.
Wdyt they'd do hearing her sing one of the band's songs? (Idk why but I imagine it's like pierce the veil or sleeping with sirens. In terms of sound/style of singing... Screaming? 🤔)
timeskip! tanaka and kiyoko finding out their daughter's in a band
☆ a/n ☆ hey jaybird, it's so cool to see you here! this was actually a concept I've never seen anywhere before, so it was probably one of the most interesting things I've had to write :) I hope this is what you had in mind, or just entertaining in general!
warning: timeskip!tanaka and timeskip!kiyoko details
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alright, and so our adventure begins!
tanaka and kiyoko are a cute married couple with an EVEN CUTER daughter (how is that even possible?!?)
now their daughter would probably look a lot like kiyoko but have tanaka's personality, so automatically, she was scoped out for A LOT of bands and engagements when people discovered this
their daughter probably joined a band when she was in her second year of junior high (middle school) and they probably called it The Phantoms (because it sounds edgy and cool to middle schoolers yk)
so when The Phantoms was made up, they decided that kiyoko and tanaka's daughter was going to be the face, and that their band wasn't going to be boring and do regular singing
which is how tanaka and kiyoko found their daughter at 1 am, warming up with "Zombies" by the Cranberries
to say that kiyoko was shocked would be AN UNDERSTATEMENT
but TANAKA >>> he was ECSTATIC
he totally would have gone: "THIS IS A GOOD REASON TO BE OUT OF BED!" and ran over to hug his daughter
kiyoko on the other hand, is more shocked about her daughter's vocal range if anything, since she's never really heard people successfully sing while....screaming
but regardless of personal opinions, they are IMPRESSED and SUPPORTIVE of their daughters endeavors
so kiyoko is a sports store employee, so with her charm, she arranges for The Phantoms to do their first performance for the release of new volleyball merch!
and as the ULTRA SURPRISE, the MSBY just happen to be passing through town and stop by, singlehandedly shooting that band into STARDOM
so in the end, tanaka and kiyoko love their daughter and support her to the end of the world in her endeavors...even if it means scream singing :)
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©mysterystarz all rights reserved - please do not plagiarize, translate, or modify my posts
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xo-cuteplosion-xo · 3 years
Text
The Ending of The Everlasting Sun.
Soukoku angst: will have 2 parts, one is Chuuya pov another is Dazai pov (Dazai is part 1 aka this piece. I'll start chuuya's tomorrow)
I’ll do a version for Dazai after (not pov but version so Chuuya can have the dose of Dazai’s pain T_T).
Warnings: Death, gore, violence, angst with just more angst. (idk if i consider dazai ooc but towards the end is mostly how i feel the situation would happen, so kinda ooc)
TBH, I don't know why I wrote this but hey I love feeding peeps and myself angst so, here you go.
The Ending of The Everlasting Sun. | A Soukoku Angst one-shot |
words: 4264
Dazai’s pov- (it swaps between third and first. I know my writing style is weird af)
The sun, a forever gleaming light in life. They say even in death, the sun won’t fade from your view. For light, something that brings reason to a life so pitched in black is everlasting. There is a place that resides within a person the sun that will never leave. Like the memories that one left behind shall forever hold. Memories will not fade, even as the deceased are placed within mounds of dirt, their body left to neatly decompose.
They say it is natural to feel your heart so heavy. To feel so pained when death washes over. Death can change a human, they say, death is rebirth, something shall always come from it. In some ways, Dazai knew the truth of such words. For he’s experienced the death of his light. At least he had thought the brunette, who’d stuck by his suicidal tendencies, his cruel ways, he thought that man had been the light. He had changed, he’d moved on into the light of this world. His heart may still be shadowed in the darkness the mafia left. The memories of those he left may never leave, but he was in the light. He was the light for another now. Still, dark himself, he’d help lead his news pupil to the light. He repeated this so often, yet why, why did his mind travel back to those days, the days when he was alongside that small ginger boy? The boy with anger issues could be heard a mile away, was he important? Why must he feel as if he left behind something important when he’d listened to a friend's dying wish? Surely he was better off now? He felt better, life wasn’t as black or as unlit as it had once been. So why? Why was it always that ginger that popped into his head on those restless nights? He worried so much if he was okay. If he was out there using that uncontrollable side without him. Ever since he left, he’d worried that ginger would do something as stupid as that. So maybe, just maybe, this world had blessed him with two lights. A light to change, that light had left him to save him. Then the second light, the light that showed him he could love and be loved. This world could take both lights to make such a realization, and eventually, this world, so cruel and dark would. Not by fate, but by the hand of an enemy who sought out Dazai’s weakness.
I stood beneath pelting rain, my mind held within it one thought, where was he? Never had the small boy I'd fallen for in my early teens missed a chance to torment me as I had tormented him. Never had he let the phone, to which we still held each other's numbers unblocked, reach the full number of rings before the voicemail kicked in. I had never felt this before. Nor had I the courage to admit such a thing. For feelings were only a danger to men like myself. I am undoubtedly cruel. Even now, in my early twenties, I stand beneath the rain alone. The mistakes of my past hanging over me for somebody to eventually discover. The past profession I had tried to hide and had hidden well for many years was creeping to my heels. The man whom I'd sought help from was gone, his final words my reason to be in the light. If neither side means anything, he told me to help the defenseless, to help the orphans. That is what I did. I left behind the ginger-haired boy whom, I now say with hesitance, I loved. It is a fine point that I was able to decline such things until after I left the mafia, for otherwise, I may have tried to do good whilst in the mafia, so I could stay with my final light within my life. Many have shed their light on me. The orphan I took in has shocked me many times, reading me in a way I thought only Oda, my extinguished light, could. He knew I was mourning that past friend when he found me at his grave. He continues to shock me to this day, the only one who can occasionally see past the mask I've worn since I was 14, since Mori found me. Kunikida has taught me responsibility and morals. There is still a bottle of things I shall never change. Some people can’t change. My mind prevents me from collecting such information about being human. My ability says it all, does it not? It is a perfect description of myself. The intelligence I share with Dostoevsky is merely one of the many things that keep me behind the wall of change. I may do things for another reason, but I am still a shadow over the people around me. I curse them all, I have brought heavy burdens onto the agency, I harm all of those around me. Love is a feeling I'm incapable of. At least, I can not recognize true love, only conclude that is what this pain is. It is a pain like no other, it is not physical, but no sense of being can push away the tangent throb of every beat. It is my mind, and the way I was brought up so young, that initially warped me beyond repair. That is why I am here, running in the rain despite my coworkers protesting to stop me.
Dazai understood the trap he was headed for, but he knew the trap would result in a fatality either way. If it was his death that waited for him, then he was alright with that. If it was painless, and he died a quick death before his mouth could run to say final bidding words to Chuuya, then he’d die. If this taunt was to break him, if he were to be late, he would drop to his knees and beg his old friend, who lay watching over him, to be forgiven for his actions tonight. If some awful being really did oversee this world, let it give Dazai one moment of peace. Let him have one good light stay until he is gone. He couldn’t do it again, the pain of holding a bloodied body within his arms, it would be hell. He knew not of true mourning, the pain of losing the one, who in a storybook, could be considered a soulmate. He knew it, others knew it, so many people knew the way he stared at Chuuya was not a friendly matter. There was lust within his soft chocolate hues, a hidden cave behind closed doors. Secret thoughts hidden in his mind. The things he wished he could have done before he left, the way he wanted to fix things, to regain what he had lost by leaving the mafia.
With every soft patter, Dazai flew between streets and yards. With every step, he grew closer and closer. With every new step, he felt his heart sink. For the area around was brittle and frail. The ground was crushed and indented. Some buildings lay in tattered pieces. Holes the size of beds lay stretched in the buildings and grass. The worst began to form in his head as his legs picked up into a pace he thought he could never take into. His lungs burned with the inhaled drips of water that turned to flames within his lungs. He pushed past the pain, the burn, the tired flail of limbs. His legs grew numb, but he refused to stop until his arms were flying open doors to a building that looked so horribly damaged.
As if I were the show that night, I could remember the lights. My lungs felt like fire, and my legs were ready to buckle beneath my frail body. I had not eaten a proper meal for weeks, my pockets empty from money spent to cover the scars I had littered my body with. The night is a haze within my mind. An unwilling nightmare I wish to set aside and to never look at again. A night I wish could be rewritten. It was a night that even I had thought the same way as Destoveski. My mind was no longer set right, that side of me to which was feared, had ripped from its confines and torn through to confine me to my own mind. I had truly wanted to tear a sheet from the book spoken about so much in this little town of Yokohama. If it meant my lights could come back and this world could change, then I would, I would do it without a blink. I’d make myself the villain to free my light. I would do it for the right reasons. Yet, I could never ruin the lights of others. There would be too many sacrifices to do such a thing at that moment. To this day, I curse myself for thinking like that man, thinking about such things would make me like him. Dostoevsky was no man I wanted to be.
The light pulsed for a moment before illuminating the room in a sharp glow of white. Dazai stood blinded before the room came into focus, the empty space warm in comparison to the pelting rain. For a moment, the world had paused, allowing his mind to make a sharp halt and think. Though his thoughts were not something he wished to hear. The thoughts inside his head screamed an equal verse to the night he’d lost Oda. He had no more time to pause, as soon as he’d adjusted to the blaring lights, he was scanning the room, finding the spots of blood, the corpses littered on the ground. Then, he was running against his will again. The next thing he knew, he was diving forward too quickly brush against the ginger, who’d consumed his thoughts since they reunited all that time ago.
The first thoughts I had when I felt the cloth of his jacket, the same one I had sown hat-rack into when we were 15, were thoughts of panic. I was always the type of man who wore a mask, but that mask only masked my depression. I yearned for death, I lived to be human, and that feeling you have right as you fall victim to death may be my only chance at life. My co-workers were never worried about me. At first, I had shocked them. I remember the way Kunikida halted with his trust, how on my first job he watched me with a hawk's eye. Never once did I not feel the burning gaze of his judgment. I never blamed him, I was a man with an erased past. There was nothing to tell whether I was good or evil. The day I entered the agency, I would have said I was that darker gray that wisps on the side of black. Today, I would tell you I wanted to be the light, to be good, but I am far from it. It shall always be my nature to look up into another and dive within their soul. My hands are skilled in ways of torture. I could shoot down an enemy with my eyes closed. These pieces of me still exist, even though I had locked them to the confine of my mind, a faraway nightmare that haunted me. The faces of the victims who plead because they had family, haunt me. It’s not remorse I feel, it’s a haunting reminder that I shall never see that friend again. When I die, I shall not meet him in the afterlife, if there is one at all. I like to believe that one can look up and think there is such a place. These thoughts, wishes, all suddenly reappeared the moment his body fell to the floor. Yet, even coated in his own blood, his breathing so unsteady I feared he was only a few breaths from death, he remained beautiful. How could I, a genius strategist with an inhumane IQ, let this happen? Why had I not called him, this ginger, ocean-eyed slug? Chuuya, he’d always be those names to me. I still wonder why we call each other such things, but it makes us both feel alive. With him, I could act like a child, as I never had a true chance to be a child. Even now, if I could muster up the courage as I write, I'd twist the narrative so it looked as if I did not care. If I did that, I would dishonor the words we had shared that night.
Dazai rushed over the pavement to grab hold of Chuuya. His hands sliding over the boy's body to pull him over his lap. His eyes are a sea of worry and panic. One of his hands grabbed the boy’s wrist lightly, his pulse was so slow, his eyes were already slowly dropping, but Dazai stayed confident. “Hey Chibi, you’re an idiot.”
The frail form of the boy beneath him cracked a small smile. “You’re the idiot you- his body racked itself with a spurt of coughs, his lips dripping crimson to join the stains on his perfectly pale skin.- d-damn mackerel.”
Dazai dropped the boy's wrist with a chuckle, pressing his hand to the boy's lips. “Yeah, I know Chibi, I know. - The ginger's eyes began to flutter shut.- No Chibi, your eyes have to stay open. Look, I've got people coming to fix you up. So just try to keep yourself awake.” Dazai’s hand moved to cup the other's cheek. “You’ll be okay.”
Chuuya’s breath staggered a wheeze interrupting the shallow breaths he’d been going through. “I’m dying, aren't I?”
Dazai shook his head, feeling his chest sting with the familiar pain of grief. As if somebody took a microscope over the feeling, it continued to grow. By now, he was sure the pain exceeded the total amount of grief he’d gone through with Oda’s passing. “No Chibi, you’re not… you're not dying.” He paused in that sentence looking down at Chuuya, who laughed dryly.
“So fucking optimistic.” They sat in silence, and Chuuya's eyes fixed on Dazai. Though it was unnoticed by Dazai, his clouded tired eyes were on his lips. He was taking into memory the parts of wishes he’d never get. Every passing second, Chuuya felt his eyes threaten to drip shut. He was trying to listen to Dazai, but his eyes were bricks; sleep a melody that sang to him. With the fear of never waking up again, Chuuya lifted his hand from his side to reach Dazai’s cheek, his blood leaving a mark. “Hey, Dazai.” His voice lacked anything but sincerity.
“No Chuuya. No, you’re okay! Just a few more minutes and Yosano will be here! Fuck, just stop moving, keep your eyes open, keep breathing because you’re alright.” Chuuya had never seen Dazai act like this before. So as Dazai’s hand warmly wrapped around his, his head pressing into the cold touch of Chuuya’s, words were spoken.
“Dazai, I. Never. H-hated… you. I. lov-” before those words could finish, his body was shaking. Tears were forming, he was still conscious and very much alive, but his entire system of organs and cells were rejecting him. The use of corruption had been at its limit long before Dazai had touched him. Before his ability had been canceled out, he was beyond death. The way he coughed his hands, flailing out to grab Dazai’s shirt and press their bodies together, made even Dazai emotional. Dazai managed to still the boy's movements. His eyes half-open as he tried to hold onto whatever string was left. “Lo-” this time he was cut off by Dazai’s hand. His head shaking, hearing Chuuya speak would make this far too real.
He wasn’t ready to let him go. For the first time, he wanted to be far from death, far from the pain and suffering of humankind. So as Chuuya smiled and looked to the ceiling, his hand continued to stroke Dazai’s cheek. A reminder he was still alive.
That moment ended all too quickly when Chuuya took a final staggered breath and looked to Dazai. “Loved you.” He finished his sentence before his eyes dropped shut. His hand slipped into a limp state within Dazai’s hold.
It took the brunette no time to jump to compressions. He continuously screamed. A voice that had never once mourned, or shed a tear, now sat in a contorted expression between agony and doubt. His mind was static, for the first time nothing clear could form within his head. He shrieked out for Chuuya. Open your eyes, he had chanted and begged before he no longer had the strength to continue. He simply fell on top of Chuuya, his ear to his chest praying to hear a soft thud. Three minutes passed before his body, devoid of any, and everything was yanked away. Had he been shown a mirror, one would not have recognized Dazai. His clothes were bloodied, his hair disheveled and wet from the rain he’d run in only a handful of minutes ago.
Dazai sat numbly as his co-workers looked around trying to find if there was any danger left. When the scene was clear and Yosano made the final statement, the world truly crumbled. Still, despite having started CPR and rescue breaths, despite having felt the cooling touch of his skin, Dazai had held onto the hope that Yosano would fix this. He watched as she put on a work face. Her heels clicked across the ground as she walked over to Dazai with a doctor's approach, not a friend's approach. She bent before Dazai and began to speak. “Dazai, I need you to focus your eyes on me, alright?” Dazai could read her mind like an open book. His mind, in his numb state, had returned to his 17-year-old self. Devoid of any real feeling, bent on causing pain and suffering. He tilted his head like that child-self would in this situation. For once, he genuinely felt human. “I understand you were close to Nakahara-san. You were also here at the scene. It’s with much regret-” before she could finish, Dazai’s eyes grew cold and clouded, his lips a snarl as he shoved her.
“He’s okay! Chuuya is okay, he’ll wake up! He always does, even when I have to change things in a second advance because I fucked up. He's okay! We’re soukoku, double black. We can’t be put down. We’re partners, we need each other." even Yosano froze at the sudden outburst. The way Dazai cried without realizing the tears were falling. The way he tried to look happy as if he hadn’t watched Chuuya die within his arms. “Right… he’s okay right?” Dazai hardly knew what he was saying, his head foggy, his mind trying to stay collected.
If one could compare him to anything, one would say that moment he'd looked like a child, no older than fourteen, who’d watched a death before their eyes. Yosano collected herself before shaking her head. She decided to take the approach she’d have with a child instead of an adult. For in this moment, Dazai was experiencing what one could call his first-ever truly emotional loss. This was the first time his mind was catching up with him. “Dazai, Chuuya cared very much for you. You know that right?”
Dazai seemed to calm slightly at the thought as he focused on Yosano. “Yeah, he loved me… he said he loved me.” Suddenly, the situation became worse than she’d thought.
“Mhm, and you loved him too?” Dazai took his time to slowly nod before gulping and shrinking down.
“And now… he’s not coming home. No more loud, annoying comments. No more nights at the bar…” Dazai’s voice choked before the sounds of more footsteps followed in.
A high-pitched female voice screamed in a shrieking roar. “Where is he!” Dazai knew that voice. Kouyo, his Ane-san. At least, at one point she’d been his Ane-san. But his eyes stopped looking at Yosano and instead took a glimpse at Chuuya, whose corpse still lay there.
Once more, Dazai’s emotions took control, and he placed his hands over his eyes and shut himself away. Yosano swore under her breath and stood up. “Which one is he?” Yosano stood up rather angrily. She disliked her conversations being so rudely interrupted, even if it were somebody she had a small connection with.
“Chuuya…” the red-haired female stormed over before spotting Dazai first. His body cradled in like a child. A position she’d never seen him in. Her heart could only lurch to the worst. Hesitantly, she looked off to the side and saw it. The bloodied corpse. She spent no more time looking, she couldn’t.
She shoved Yosano away from Dazai, a boy she had once helped to look after and almost raise. Though she resented the boy for abandoning his role as an executive, she knew how much the pair had been connected. So she’d be a mother or older sister for a bit. Something Dazai had never seemed to have. “Dazai, it’s Kouyo, can you look at me? I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”
Dazai peeked from his arms, sniffing in his delirious state as he lunged towards her. Not in a hostile way, but an embrace. Something he never thought he’d need. He felt so human, so alive, but at the same time, he felt so dead inside. He felt as if his life had been torn and replaced within seconds. This feeling he couldn’t place a name on. “I was too late… I couldn’t, and now he’s and I… it’s all my-'' Kouyo was quick to shut him down, muffling her own sobs as she rocked Dazai in her arms.
“Hush child, these things happen. The fault is never that you could not make it in time. The fault lies within the bastard who did this. He always took extremes to protect you, Dazai. So hush now, let yourself grieve.” There was a slight pause as the agency starred in shock. This woman, who most of them knew as a vengeful woman with no remorse, sat cradling a grown man from an opposing organization as if he were her child, no more like an older sister cradling a younger brother. “Dazai, I won’t criticize your reaction, I've seen it many times in the mafia. Little children who witness death at such a young age think they are immune to it. They find another blame or they say they are monsters. You were 14 when Mori took you in. You never had somebody to teach you to grieve. You never needed to, not until now. So listen to me child, you’re going to let it all out, the years of pain and suffering, the years of grief for lost friends, even I have cried in my life. Nobody is immune to pain, some of us just think we are.” As Kouyo spoke, she noted Dazai’s breathing reached a slowing point. He was fast asleep before she finished her words. Her touch was gentle as she brushed a lock of his hair behind his ears.
Next, she walked over to Chuuya and hung her head, murmuring words of mourning. She walked off quickly, but came back moments later with his hat. “He’d want somebody to have it.” Yosano stood beside Kouyo, who choked back her own tears.
“I think it should go to Dazai. He always mocked his hats, even though he loved seeing Chuuya in them. They really were meant for each other. It’s unfortunate such a great pair ended up… in a life like this. Perhaps they will be reborn in an era where they are nothing but students who fall in love. I like to think there is always a second chance for lives that end too short.”
With a nod, they both looked to Dazai, who looked at peace sleeping on the ground.
~
When I woke up that day after, I could hardly remember anything. I had lost myself completely to the side that was human. I truly did try to live on, but it was difficult. No matter where I looked, I could see his laugh, I hated it. The pain that constantly wrapped around me. Hence, why I sit here with a pen. I never took myself to write my thoughts down. Oda had once ruminated about being a reader, he died before he ever could. I miss them both. I say that, but when I look down at the tear-stained paper, so many of them were for Chuuya. A love I never got to kiss or truly love. Today, I will not wake up. I no longer care about things like making my death overly complex and comfortable. I shall go to sleep with Chuuya’s hat at my side. I shall die with him at my side. That is how it should have been. Chuuya should have lived that night. I shall never know what sparked him to use corruption without me there. All I know is the worst person in the world, Destovesky, who now lay in a ditch from my own pistol, threatened the ginger to such an extent he felt the need to use it. In a way, I have solved several problems with one action. I killed the criminal, and I'm killing the single person whose blood runs more mafia black than any other.
Tag list If you want to be added when I upload fics/HC etc., just shoot me an ask: @jadegreenimmortality
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helloooo! can i have a marvel & fantastic beasts (i really only follow the FB side of Harry Potter) matchup please?
i’m 5’5, enfp, libra, ravenclaw, female, straight, i have medium length blonde hair and big blue eyes, and im very pale. personality wise i’m extroverted and definitely a jokester. i often like to mess around with people, i try not to hurt them or tease them too much, and to get a good laugh out of them. i’m sort of an airhead and very gullible and sometimes don’t pick up on things like social cues that other people find easy to notice. but really, i’m here for a good time, not a long time, and i really want to have a fun time in life while still being diligent and hard working. i love creating new things and sharing them with the world, and i love discovering new types of art whether it be painting, literature, poetry, film, or music! on the flip side i’m a very paranoid worrywart person and due to past trauma and living with PTSD i’m always afraid that people will betray me or use me for something then ditch me. i’m a very emotional person so when i form a friendship i pour my heart into it, and if something bad happens and they leave or loose touch with me i get very discouraged and fall apart, i’ve definitely become skeptical of people over the years while still showing respect for them. i love meeting new people don’t get me wrong, but idk if i should get too close, the world is very untrustworthy these days. i also have quite a short fuse and i’m quick to anger. i don’t show my anger in public situations, but when i’m home i can get very fiery, which can cloud my perspective. basically i see red and nothing else. i can also be sort of uninspired and lazy at times and i definitely crave too much attention, it’s simmered down as I’ve gotten older but there’s always been this need for me to be in the spotlight. that can be a great thing or a bad thing.
my hobbies include writing (i’m currently in college to become a literary writer, and to become a fictional editor, helping other writers out on their stories and assist them with their creative choices, I’ve always loved creating my own worlds and characters) playing my upright bass, listening to music (classical, 90s hip hop, alternative, and lo-fi), acting, makeup watching unique films, and writing poetry. im a huge lover of food, memes, DOGS I LOVE DOGS (i have a goldendoodle named Tommy) weird humor, psychological horror, analog horror, romance, historical things and drama. My fashion style is: dark academia with a dash of cottagecore. my aesthetic is: a mixture of light and dark academia, cottagecore, studio ghibli-esque, and a bit of kidcore.
could you maybe include a wedding dress picture, some dialogue, the outfit I’d wear in the fandom, added gifs, theme song, and moodboard for both matchups? if you can’t do it all i totally understand!!! thank you for reading! 💌
Hello dear 💖, i will be doing the fantastic beasts in a part 2 post and tage you.
For Marvel I ship you with:
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Loki🐍
And
Tony Stark💎
Your personality attracts them, Loki would suit you more in the jokester aspect and Tony would suit your party side.
Your outfit:
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Tony would try to flirt with you, as you’re a new agent on the field and he would try to take you out to his home.
Loki more was on the side of trying to seek a wife and he managed to see you were the perfect prize.
Your moodboard:
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Tonys first kiss with you would be on the top at his apartment and of course It would be passionate.
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Tony: hey y/n, you ok
y/n: yeah, I’m fine, how about you, we totally nailed that last mission.
Tony: Hm I wonder why, maybe because I was there.
Y/n: Mabey, you’re a wonder Mr stark *grabs him and kisses his cheek*
Tony: you’re a real handful you know that *Leans in to kiss y/n*
Loki’s first kiss would be in his dimension or somewhere on earth, he would be fiery and passionate.
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Loki: My gods, you’re quite the divine beauty
Y/n: Indeed, however I do have certain tricks
Loki: Do tell y/n~ *leans in and smiles*
Y/n: your one of them *Kisses him with a passion*
Tony would probably take you to the fanciest restaurants and have the most expensive designs to make you impressed.
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Loki would have you by your heart, he would kidnap you and possibly threaten you to be his queen.
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If you choose to marry Tony, your life would be filled with riches and your child would have his hair and your eyes.
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If you choose Loki, your life would be full of power, your child would be a demi god with his hair and your eyes.
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Anyways that's all for now:
Ta Ta ✨️
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flyawayrachel · 3 years
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Sometimes when I'm having a particularly hard day excepting my lot I go back and read this little thing I wrote a few months after leaving my family to remind me that I made the right decision. Idk why I am choosing to post this today but I've never posted it anywhere before. I've never been quiet about who I am and what I came from and sometimes it's nice to just get the feelings put there.
My whole life I had never been allowed to make decisions for myself, so why now, was it up to me to make the biggest decision of my life?
What school I could attend, what major I could study, what clothes I could wear, what teachers I could take, what jobs I could have, who I could speak to, who I could be friends with, what bank I used, what hair style I had, what nickname I could go by, what music I could listen to...all these things were policed since I was born, and the first decision I got to make solo was the most world defining decision I'll ever make.
Since then I've made a lot of decisions about myself, some little and some huge, but each one comes with a hill to climb. Through this series of decisions I've come to discover a little more about myself and who I am, a long painful process of deciding for myself.
The first decision.
It was a Sunday. I was expected to attend three morning protests and church at 11:30am, my father would be giving the weekly sermon. This Sunday, however, was different. For the first time in my life, I had a separate obligation. I chose, or tried to choose, to skip church that week.
This was not my first decision as it was reviewed by my parents and shut down.
It was 7am that Sunday morning, and I jumped out of bed, got dressed, and headed to work. I had discussed the days events with my parents two nights prior, today we had a fundraiser. A local family had just lost their daughter to brain cancer, and for once in my life I felt I had the power to do good, instead of spread hate. This was a huge deal to everyone there, and the community surrounding us. I was excited. As a new business, this would be great for us. We'd learn how to handle big crowds of people, we'd all bond over the stress of the situation, we'd have a great time, and we'd be doing good. I got to the restaurant around 7:45, and jumped into work. We had a LOT to do. I was anxious, I knew I was doing something I shouldn't...or at least something my parents don't approve of. It wasn't until 9:21 I heard from them
"Are you planning to miss church today?" My father text me.
"I'm planning to make it back, but if we get people in at 11, I probably won't be able to." I replied
"OK this doesn't really work for me. You aren't at a spot in life where this should be getting asked of you and this was supposedly made clear when you joined. If they cannot respect your need to be in the Lords house you need to find other employment. We need to talk about this"
Fear. Fear was all I could feel. I cried. Knowing exactly what "We need to talk about this meant" it wouldn't be a conversation with just me and him. Or me him and my mother, it would be everyone. Every adult member of our church would sit me down, accuse me of all manner of wrong doing, scream, yell, and refuse to acknowledge anything I said and brush it off as if I was a liar. A decision they had made for me when I was not even a teenager yet. At 11 years old I had been pegged as a liar and forced into seclusion by the church all because my mother, forgetful as ever, had forgotten a conversation I had with her a few weeks prior to it all coming to light. "If they're too scared to talk to me(referring to my older brother as I) then they can't speak to anyone" an aunt of mine had said, and her word was regarded as law at that point. Months of silence on my part followed. I became solemn and bitter after that. My social skills had been destroyed and I would never get over what they'd done to me. The happy little girl was gone, and in their eyes, she never existed. I was ridiculed for years because of this change in demeanor.
I received several phone calls from my parents that morning. I answered none of them. So my mother chimed in...it was 9:57:
"It is not ok for you to miss Church today. We need to have a serious discussion today about what's going on with you."
Again the threat of intervention.
I had to go home. My boss rolled his eyes, dispite his knowledge of my situation he couldn't help but be annoyed that his second hand was leaving, right before open, on what would be our busiest day ever. When I left, there was already a line at the door. I later learned they filled the restaurant within seven minutes of opening the doors. It didn't stop until we closed that night.
My dad gave the sermon that day. It was long. Nearly double the normal length of our weekly meeting. I couldn't tell you if it was purposefully, knowing him it probably wasn't, but that didn't help my view of the situation. Once church was over, I spead down the highway back to work, it was nearly 2pm by the time I got back. It was chaos. People everywhere, we were running out of things, and the dishwashers they'd pulled to prep just couldn't keep up. I was put in charge of running prep and we prepped and prepped and prepped. Ticket times were awful and I don't think we ever got out of the weeds, even now I feel the effects of that day on our staff. I remember at one point I was apologizing to one of our cooks, who we affectionately refer to as "Mom".
"I don't know if I can stay there any more" I'd said. For the first time in my life, I'd admitted to someone that I didn't see a future for me in the church. I'd been toiling with the feeling for years, but it wasn't until early February that I'd realized that I couldn't stay. "Get through school" I'd tell myself. With two years of school left, and my whole life crumbling, I knew I wouldn't last.
"If you need a place to go, I have a spare bedroom. You're welcome there" she replied.
I was floored. Being told your whole like that the world is against you, you learn to accept that, but this woman, this mother of three, had just offered to open her door to me, no questions asked.
We closed at 8.
Once it died down I sat at the bar with my chef. The foh manager behind the bar, pouring them both drinks. I can't tell you the exact words that were spoken, what, if any, words of encouragement were given to me, but while sitting there, I made my first decision. It was time to go. I remember thinking that I needed permission from someone, anyone, to do this, but it never came. My chef never told me I should, our foh manager never told me I should, no one told me to do it. I had to decide, and decide I did.
Once I got home late that night I told my sister. I didn't tell her I would leave immediately. I just told her I couldn't stay and she was always welcome to join me when she got older. I remember telling her there are other ways and places that we can serve the Lord without being subjected to the cruel glares and sneers of those around us. We had discussed often the wrong doings of the "Elders" of our church. I thought she'd understand and maybe she did, but she was hesitant. She was only a child after all, 13 years old, but had already been through hell and back with these people.
The next day I packed. I used the pretence that I was cleaning out my room and giving a bunch of my clothes to Goodwill, an instruction my father had given me a few days prior. This came only months after my mom had my siblings strip my room of much of my belongings and furniture while I was in class one evening. Many garbage bags full of clothes with other items hidden within made their way to the car. It was hard. Making the decision on what to keep and what to leave behind. I had collected many things from many different fan bases I considered myself a part of, while much had been taken from me I still had decisions to make. A lot got left behind. It was now Monday. I didn't work Mondays so I had all day to work. At 8pm we all sat down for our evening reading. I remember choking back tears realizing this would be the last time I sat in a room along side all six of my siblings and my parents in an amicable manner, still, the looming threat of these "talks" overtook me with fear. Once we were done and we'd said our evening prayer I went up to my room. I cried. I cried for the hurt I would do my dad, it was a common joke in the house that I was his favorite. His first little girl. The years I'd miss watching my baby brother grow up. The betrayal my sister would feel when she woke up the next morning. Knowing that in the following weeks every inkling of my existence would be stripped from the house, I still wonder what became of my old bedroom. Did my sister take it like she'd joked about when I would tell her I was dying from a migraine or dealing with a particularly hard day at work? Would my mom take it and use it as an office or spare bedroom for when my dad snored too loud as she often did when I would sleep over at my cousin Vicky's house?
My mom left the house at 4:30am. I was awake before she left. Silently selecting the last few items I would take with me. I wrote two notes. One of apology to my sister for leaving her here in a cave full of wolves. One to my dad, asking to be left alone and explaining that there had been irreparable damage done by other members of the church and that I did not believe their doctrine. I wrap my house key, pink and bedazzled with fake diamonds because my dad picked it out and never really got who I was back then, and copy of their credit card in it and stuck it in his cubby before walking out the door, tears still wet on the paper from when I wrote it. I only had one chance, as all windows and doors on our house sent chimes throughout the 10 bedroom, 6 bathroom, three kitchen home when opened. I got in my car, contemplated my decision one last time, and I left.
I sat at my job for hours alone, drinking ginger ale and eating sourdough bread. Wishing the nausea would go away. Not long after getting there I received a message from my dad. He would not ask me to come home, but extended the invitation to talk if I thought it would solve the problem and I could continue living under their rule. Reiterating the fact that they would not be changing for me. If I left I was going to be on my own. I spent the morning crying as I went about directing prep work for the week, we had a lot to recover from and my personal turmoil couldn't distract me from my work. Hours later my mom showed up. It was on the way home from the early morning yoga class she had taught, which is why she left the house so early. I couldn't recount the exact words said because I was to distracted by the way she was speaking to me. I was a stranger now. She's a lawyer and treated me like a client, taking notes as we spoke with no regard to my emotions or well being. She'd always counted the days to my 18th birthday, the only hope she'd rid me from her life forever. This was her chance.
The months following were hard. I had a lot of decisions to make and no one to guide me. The people who swore to make it easier only made it harder, but I bonded with the least expected people, some of which continue to be my greatest friends even to today. It was a decision that I don't regret, not even on the hardest days, the days I mourn the time lost with my loved ones and the very real possibility they'll never come back to me. The nights I sit up scrounging the internet for any glimpse into their current lives, or when I read people's"hot takes" about who they think they are, often getting it wrong and seeing my family as a one dimensional group of haters. I've made the decision to me myself and it's a decision I'll stand by until the day I die, eternity be damned.
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crystalstar8 · 3 years
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Knights of the Night (ch 10)
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Chapter 10
Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10
https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491
pairing: Jungkook x oc
genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance
word count: 2,494
warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France
notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​​
summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing…
          Jungkook and Catalina decided to keep the pictures to themselves for a while. It seemed like the den in the basement was part of a bigger organization than they thought, so they knew they’d have to be careful. Over the next few days, they debated whether to tell the police or to tell their friends. In the end, they decided to tell Namjoon. He was mad at them at first, but then told them to stay out of it. That he and Yoongi were already investigating and that it was way too dangerous for humans.
          As a way to distract them, or maybe just to give everyone a vacation, Namjoon booked a few nights for everyone at the ski lodge during the first week of snow. It was mid-week, so hopefully the lodge wouldn’t be busy.
          Catalina was excited. She had spent the day before the trip packing and daydreaming about what the lodge would be like. She’s never been a cold weather person, but Jungkook promised to teach her how to ski, and while skiing didn’t really do anything for her, Catalina was at the point where any time spent with Jungkook was a good time. He never brought up the kiss since it happened, but Catalina was unable to think about anything else. It was constantly on her mind, the way his body felt against hers, his hand in her hair, his soft lips… it was truly something she’s been losing sleep over.
          So when Catalina found out they’d all be staying in three connecting rooms, slumber party style, Catalina didn’t really know what to do with herself.
          The morning of the trip finally arrived and Catalina was ready. Her duffel bag was packed and she kept glancing at her phone, waiting for the text saying her ride was here. Last night, Hoseok had texted her that they rented a party bus to take them up the mountain.
          Finally, her phone buzzed, Hoseok’s name showing up on the screen.
          Hobi: we’re outside :D
          Catalina grabbed her bag and ran downstairs. The party bus was parked in front of her apartment building and the doors opened as she approached. Inside the bus, the four vampires sat on the bench seats on one side while Jin sat across from them.
          “Cat! Just throw your bag back there and have a seat!” said Hoseok. Catalina spotted the pile of bags in the back of the bus. She set hers down and took a seat by Jin. The doors of the bus closed and the bus started moving.
          “We just have a few more stops and then we’re on our way up the mountain!” Hoseok shouted. He was practically bouncing in his seat.
          “I’ve never been to a lodge before,” said Catalina. “I heard they have a hot tub up there.”
          “Oh yeah, they have a bunch of hot tubs, and a spa,” said Hoseok. “Are you gonna learn how to ski?”
          “I mean, Jungkook will probably make sure of it, but I don’t think that’s what I’ll be doing most of the time,” said Catalina.
          “I’m pretty good at skiing, if I do say so myself,” Jin said as the bus came to another stop. Jungkook hopped on and tossed his bag, skis and snowboard onto the pile in the back of the bus.
          “Is Jin talking about how good he is at skiing?” asked Jungkook, collapsing into the spot next to Catalina.
          “I was just about to tell them that I won a medal once-“ Jin started.
          “But his old bones don’t let do the things he used to in his youth,” said Jungkook. “So we might need to help him with the bigger slopes.”
          Jin launched himself past Catalina, attacking a giggling Jungkook.
          They stopped two more times, to pick up Jimin and Jimmy K, then they made their way up the mountain. Once the lodge came into view, Catalina understood why it was so popular. It was beautiful, all wood and logs and rocky landscaping. Snow dusted pine trees filled in every gap in and around the property. Ski lift wires ran back and forth behind the lodge, leading up even higher into the morning fog.
          “Oh wow! This place is fancy!” said Catalina. She was kneeling on the seat, looking out the window at the approaching property. The bus parked at the main entrance and everyone grabbed their bags and got off, heading into the building. Namjoon checked them all in and then led the way to their rooms.
          It turned out to be a huge, three room suite, so luxurious that Catalina once again wondered how wealthy these vampires were. The suite was rustic, all raw wood and furs, antlers above the hearth. There were two king sized beds in each room, plenty of space for everyone. Catalina wondered who she would share a bed with. She hoped it wasn’t Jungkook. Not that she didn’t want to be close to him, but she was afraid it would be too awkward and she wouldn’t end up getting any sleep. As it was, she already noticed herself avoiding him and staring at him from afar. She needed to snap out of it and act like an adult.
          Her behavior wasn’t as subtle as she thought though, because once everyone was settled, Jimin pulled her out into the hallway and asked, “What’s going on with you and Jungkook?”
          Catalina started at him with wide eyes. “What do you mean?”
          “Come on, don’t play dumb,” he said. “You guys are usually all over each other, joking and laughing at everything. What happened? Did you guys fight?”
          Catalina sighed and pulled Jimin further down the hall.
          “We kissed,” she said. Jimin’s eyes almost fell out of his head.
          “What?!”
          “Shhhhh!”
          “When?” he asked.
          “A while ago, we snuck into a vampire den and almost got caught, but to avoid suspicion, we acted like we were just making out in one of the rooms,” said Catalina. “It worked, they didn’t suspect us, they just kicked us out, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”
          “Have you talked about it with him?” asked Jimin. “I mean, do you like him?”
               “I…yeah, I think I actually do,” Catalina said, her face burning up. “And no, we haven’t talked about it.”
               “You don’t think he was just leading you on, do you?” asked Jimin. “I can be mean to him if you want me to.”
               “No,” Catalina laughed. “He wouldn’t do that. I don’t think he knows I like him and I don’t think he feels the same way about me.”
               “I can find out for you,” said Jimin.
               Catalina chuckled and said, “It’s okay, really. I just need to get over this awkwardness and figure out how to be normal around him again.”
               “Whatever you say, but I just want you to know that I can be an amazing wingman,” said Jimin.
               “Thank you,” said Catalina. “I’ll let you know.”
               A few hours later found Catalina at the top of a hill, struggling to get her feet into her rented skis. Jungkook skid over to her with a huge smile on his face.
               “Are you excited?” he asked.
               “I guess” said Catalina. “I’m more nervous than anything.”
               It was true. Before she started putting on her skis, she had looked down the slope and it looked incredibly intimidating.
               “Don’t worry, I’ll come get you if you crash,” he said.
               Catalina didn’t want to crash. But she finished putting on her skis and, with Jungkook’s help, got to her feet. Jimin was at the edge of the slope.
               “I’ll see you guys at the bottom!” he said before taking off.
               “Okay, so you gotta keep your knees bent,” said Jungkook. “Just keep them bent and use them to bounce. Gravity’s gonna do most of the work. Use these to steer and control your speed. You can kind of turn sideways to stop yourself. This one isn’t too steep so you should be okay.”
               “This isn’t steep?!” Catalina asked, shuffling to the edge.
               “Just go ahead when you’re ready,” he said.
               “Wait, I’m not going first!” she said.
               “Yes you are,” Jungkook laughed. “If you fall or hit something, I gotta be able to follow you down to help.”
               Catalina eyed the slope once more, took a deep breath, then pushed herself off. At first, she had to use the poles to get moving, but then, as Jungkook had said, gravity mostly took over. This isn’t too bad, Catalina thought. Actually, this is a lot of fun. But then her speed started to pick up. A lot. Her heart picked up as well. The first bump she hit barely got her off the ground, but it was enough to make her panic when she hit the ground again. She started to swerve towards the trees. She dodged the first tree as best as she could, but shoulder checked it hard. This knocked her off balance, but luckily, the next obstacle was a snowbank. It didn’t hurt, but she fully landed in the bank, sliding off the side to lay on the ground.
               She pulled her goggles off and let out a groan. It didn’t take long before she heard another set of skis slide to a halt beside her.
               “Are you okay?” Jungkook asked as he knelt beside her. “Are you hurt?”
               Catalina waved a hand. “I’m fine. My shoulder will probably bruise but it’s okay.”
               Jungkook helped her sit up and Catalina automatically scooted away a bit. He dropped his hands. A painfully awkward silence followed, before Jungkook spoke up.
               “Is it about the kiss?” he asked.
               “What?”
               “You’ve been kind of avoiding me ever since,” he said. “I mean, not completely ignoring me, but it’s been really awkward. And I wanted to say that I’m sorry if the kiss made you uncomfortable. I never wanted-“
               “Jungkook, it’s okay,” Catalina said with a laugh. Her mind raced to come up with something to say. She didn’t want to tell him that ever since the kiss, her heartrate speeds up every time she looks at him and she spends every waking moment wondering when he’ll kiss her again, or even mention it. So instead, she said, “Really, it’s okay. We can just forget it happened and go back to how we were. We don’t have to make a big deal about it.”
               Catalina watched with dread as his face fell. He couldn’t have been feeling the same way, could he? Did she just ruin things? Before she could think of a way to take back what she said, Jungkook stood up and held out a hand.
               “Let’s get you back up there,” he said.
               After dinner, which only the humans attended, everyone gathered in the rooms. Jungkook hadn’t attended dinner and he wasn’t in the rooms, which worried Catalina. She was already in her nightclothes, a short satin nightgown with a matching robe. She brought this on the trip with her hoping she could get somewhere with Jungkook, but messing everything up and making him avoid her was not in the plans. She needed to fix this.
               Jimin was laying in bed with a facemask on, Taehyung by his side. Their heads were together, watching Tiktoks on Jimin’s phone.
               “Do you guys know where Jungkook is?” asked Catalina.
               “He’s in the hot tub,” said Jimin. “He doesn’t want to see you though.”
               Catalina gaped at him. “Did he say that?”
               “No, but whatever you said earlier really hurt him, so, as his friend, I’m telling you he doesn’t want to see you,” Jimin said, not looking up from his phone. Catalina’s heart sank. Hurting Jungkook was the last thing she wanted to do. So, she ran from the room and began her hunt for the hot tub.
               It was an in-ground tub, partially hidden within the landscaping. The only reason Catalina spotted it was because of the steam rising from behind the snow-covered boulders. Catalina pushed open the glass sliding door and stepped outside onto the patio.
               He was sitting in the hot tub alone, his head tilted back and his eyes closed. He didn’t hear her coming, so when Catalina said, “Hey”, he startled.
               “Hey,” he said back.
               “Can we talk?” Catalina asked. He shrugged and looked away.
               “I guess.”
               Catalina sighed and sat on the edge of the tub, sticking her feet into the warm water.
               “I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” she said. “I was lying.”
               “What do you mean?” he asked.
               “I mean, I don’t want things to go back to the way they were,” said Catalina. She took a deep breath. “I was lying when I said the kiss wasn’t a big deal. It was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since it happened and spent the entire time since then, even now, hoping it would happen again. And I guess I said the things I said because I didn’t think you’d feel the same way, so I wanted to just smooth things out with you-“
               “Cat, I’m the one who kissed you,” said Jungkook.
               “But it was for the mission,” said Catalina.
               “But I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to,” said Jungkook. A pause, then he cracked a tiny smile. “I bought you hash browns. Did that mean nothing to you?”
               Catalina laughed and tugged her robe tighter around herself.
               “Get over here,” said Jungkook. Catalina took her robe off and slid into the water, not caring for the fate of her nightgown anymore. She waded over to him and he held out a hand, pulling her close. She had to place her knees on either side of his thighs as his arms wound around her waist.
               “Can I kiss you?” he asked. “For real this time?”
               Catalina didn’t think she could speak, so she nodded. He pulled her flush against him and kissed her hard. She was incredibly aware of how bare his chest was; she could feel every inch of it through her paper-thin nightgown. Catalina threaded her fingers into his hair as they kissed. She gave it a tug and he let out a tiny gasp into her mouth. His hands gripped her waist tighter as he tilted his head for better access. At some point, they broke apart for air, Catalina chasing his lips for one last taste.
               “Mm…so glad I didn’t listen to Jimin,” Catalina mumbled against his lips. He chuckled.
               “What?”
               “He was mad at me for making you upset and told me not to talk to you,” said Catalina.
               “Well, I’m glad you didn’t listen to him too,” Jungkook said with a grin.
               “I’m sorry,” said Catalina, running her fingers through his hair. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
               He held her tighter and said, “I know. It’s okay. It turned out fantastic, so I have no complaints.”
               Catalina giggled and let her head fall against his shoulder.
               “Yeah… no complaints at all,” she said, dropping a kiss to his neck.
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xcziel · 3 years
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get to know me
tagged by @vishcount (thank you!!) and i'll follow her format bc making two posts seems a little much - i'm not that interesting!!
(hilariously, this post shows up as blocked for me bc of the tag 'joker' which? tumblr?????)
Part I
name: i'm an internet old, so i never use my real name online, mainly because it's spelled in a very unique way (thanks mom & dad) - i mean like, if you googled it you could find my home address in a few seconds kind of unique - but also, though i do enjoy the spelling, i actually don't like it very much when it's said out loud? (is it weird that my name written down is 'me', but my name aloud has never felt like 'me'?) always wanted a nickname but never acquired one :/
at any rate, i've had the username xcziel forever and i go by that 😊 (pronounced ex-SEE-zee-el, similar to etc. or ex-SET-er-ah! thanks @xia-xueyi for pointing out that it can be confusing to guess!)
rest behind a cut because it got long!
pronouns: she/her
star sign: i don't ... really *do* astrology? but technically saggitarius
height: 5'4" (162.5cm for the intl folks)
time: 5:43pm but these thing take me forever to type out so ... ???
birthday: playing the 'internet old' card again .. but it floats around american Thanksgiving depending on the year
nationality: american
fave bands/groups/solo artists: lumping these together because i just .. don't really do music much anymore. if you had asked me this back in my 20s i'm sure i would have had all kinds of opinions and things to share, but these days i actually mostly prefer to listen music from when i was a kid. part of it is also that as an old, i prefer to buy my music, even digitally, and i don't really use spotify - which does so much to enable diverse music exploration i admit! but i mostly have earplugs in all the time and music does not work for me as background noise, so...
so i guess my answer would be 70s disco and classic rock and 80s new wave artists? i've never liked any artist's entire discography and prefer greatest hits-type compilations, but i guess duran duran and def leppard and depeche mode would be considered formative? i love new order but specifically late 80s new order, NOT joy division. the only concert t-shirt i've ever worn was the cult? i loved sonic temple but i can't listen to most of it anymore though i still adore love removal machine. i think maybe if you get old enough, for some of us there's TOO MUCH good music and we can't pare it down anymore
song stuck in your head: jamiroquai's canned heat
last movie you watched: re: the above, i re-watched center stage, the 2000 one with zoe saldana and the mandy moore soundtrack, bc it's a happy comfort movie and i just got a digital version
last show you binged: i can't really "binge" very often bc after a couple of hours i need a break, so i guess i'd say the tgcf donghua on netflix since it was short enough to get through all in one go
when you created your blog: in 2012 i stopped lurking so i could post about the avengers movie
the last thing you googled: 5'4" in cm? lol before that it was chinese wrapped street food
other blogs: everything is here! i discovered i compartmentalize about as well as i tag reliably (😓) but i do have several automated ao3feed-tag style sideblogs. and i did, very briefly, have a *winces* hockey sideblog too
why i chose my url: ooh i know i've done this before, sorry if it's repetitive, basically it was the username i picked back when my family first got aol: short, unique combo of letters - 14-year-old me really thought about it! and then it wouldn't let me use anything other than my name. thirty-some-odd years later, trying to come up with a livejournal username that wasn't already taken and getting fed up, i plugged it in and went: good enough!
how many people are you following: like 760-something last i checked? although many, many, many of them are deactivated
how many followers do you have: idk i don't like looking at that stuff, but way fewer than i am following
average hours of sleep: it varies too much day by day, my sleep schedule is too wonky, i have no idea what the average would be
lucky numbers: 7? cliché i know, and again not really buying into it, but somewhere in my hindbrain i like it that my first, middle, and last names all have seven letters
instruments: none. i like singing
what i'm currently wearing: giant black t-shirt and baggy black drawstring shorts, standard sitting around the house gear
dream job: don't have one. if i did it would give me something to be working towards *sigh* this is how you end up in retail for decades, kids! but also, to quote a random post i saw in true tumblr fashion "i simply do not dream of labor"
dream trip: covered this one before but: back to the uk and some railway daytrips, or a really fancy northern cruise, atlantic/pacific either one
fave food: uhhh, don't really have a favorite but i'm almost always in the mood for pizza
top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: none really, if i had to still be me..maybe some kind of actually utopian future? but the pandemic has confirmed for me that i do NOT like living in interesting times, so most fictional story universes are RIGHT out. my favorites to read about like discworld or diana wynne jones' worlds would be way to chaotic for my comfort. possibly diane duane's young wizards universe would be safe enough to be okay?
Part II
last song: watching center stage made me think of my dance playlist so sunrise by simply red
last movielast stream: i don't watch streams or youtube often, so it was the same as you, vish! liu chang's birthday stream was SO enjoyable i screenrecorded the entire thing just so i could play it back (and maybe gif sometime if i ever get the drive to actually do it)
currently reading: well i just finished the translated quan qiu gao kao or global university entrance exam novel, which was sparked purely from catching a single rec post here on tumblr and basically just *falling* into this 166 chapter epic that is *amazing* and not coming up for air until i got to the end, which is typical novel-reading behavior for me (yes i was the kid who read through lunch period and got hassled by people who kept pestering me with "what're you reading" questions and yes i realize probably a lot of you on tumblr were too) plus, the new murderbot novel is out tomorrow!!!!! so that'll be where i end up next!
currently watching: the entire dmbj verse (that i can get my hands on) but ... sporadically and stopping at random different parts because the thing is ... this type of show is not really the kind i enjoy so much? so since it's more for "research" and learning character arcs (and let's be honest: shots of liu sang), etc. it's easy to get distracted by other stuff. i'm also watching the sleuth of the ming dynasty, mr queen, bromance, the expanse, re-watching farscape and stargate sg-1, just finished the falcon and the winter soldier, and then anytime something new and short gets introduced it jumps the queue. there are just. so. many. things. to. watch! (now i have to look into anti-fraud league too!? you all are cruel ...)
what is antipoetry to you: i ... don't really think much about poetry? i know what i prefer is usually the more basic rhymed kind like lewis carroll, emily dickinson, poe, coleridge, etc. so i suppose i don't have much use for classifying non-rhyming verse? i can appreciate stuff like rupi kaur which i guess would qualify? or that william carlos williams plums poem? but it doesn't really stick with me the way lyric-like verse does
currently craving: i never know what exactly this is meant to be in reference to ... hmmm, i would love a new high-concept, high production-quality movie like say, pacific rim, to be released, just for that massive, excited energy that comes with something new that hasn't already got tons of disappointing or conflicting history behind it - that would be so fun!!
other than that, right now, i mostly kinda want some fried fish? but that will have to wait until i go to get my second vaccine shot on wednesday since it's on the way there. i'd also like my internal body parts to settle down and fly right but it's been more than a month and they don't seem inclined :(((( maybe once i'm fully vaxxed i'll think about consulting somebody about it
tagging @foxofninetales @xia-xueyi @momosandlemonsoda @memorydragon @thewindsofsong @elvencantation @mylastbraincql @hesayshesgotboyfriend @aurawolfgirl2000 @smaragdine-galaxy and anyone who wants to! but never feel obligated and if you don't get around to it for like half a year that's totally fine, i am still interested!!!
13 notes · View notes
fizzingwizard · 3 years
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OK gang here we go, episode 33!
It was better than last week, which was better than the week before, so... make of that what you will.
Pic of the week!
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A look of steely Dan determination.
More below!
Like I said, this episode is an improvement on the last one, by virtue of plot stuff actually happening, a few big happenings, and references to the other kids that suggest they haven’t been completely forgotten about (only mostly). Don’t get excited though - it still leaves much to be desired. I cry endlessly for the animation budget. But let’s get into it...
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Taichi and friends are still in pursuit of SkullKnightmon and Hikari. We found our for sure last week that the creature in the little crystal is, indeed, Millenniumon, or rather a fragment of him, and his fragments fell all around the Digital World at the end of the great war or whatever it’s called and they’re the source of the miasma and they absorb energy from the human world etc etc...
So we find this big ass crystal which seems to be the central one, I guess? because it’s the biggest? and several creepy looking acolytes (dun dun DUN it’s VADEMON my FAVORITE DIGIMON) surrounding it and chanting...
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Vademon: Find the horcux, kill Harry Potter, find the horcrux, kill Harry Potter,
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In other news, there’s a lot of doom and gloom happening with Jou, who, bereft of his underwear, is forced to censor himself with his partners head. Gomamon you don’t deserve this
Jou: I need to get away from these Nanimon before I go prematurely bald too!!
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Mimi, meanwhile, is Boxing Champion of the World.
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Koushirou is the only one working. He’s on his way to pick up Jou, so I guess that means Yamato will get Mimi? That’ll be fun lol. We saw Yamato for half a second but it was the same frame of him riding Garurumon we’ve seen five times already so why bother capping it.
Koushirou is also keeping an eye on the satellite situation but doesn’t know what to do about it yet. Kabuterimon asks if he shouldn’t take a break about now and Koushirou says “I’m okay, besides, this is the only thing I’m good for” T___T you know this would be heart-breaking if I really believed the writers have ACTUAL PLANS to make good on Koushirou-related character development.... >:[
no this honestly pisses me off so much but I STILL do believe we will get SOMETHING for him and the others and probably not too far in the future... I think... I hope ugh
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Back to Team A, they see lots of Digimon coming at them. Taichi’s like “it’s an attack!” but Sora, whose Fight Mode unlike Taichi’s has an actual Off switch, is about to figure out that they are in fact not interested in the kids at all and are running away from something.
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Taichi: I can’t believe they didn’t want to kill us. Doesn’t everything in this world want to kill us?
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The Digimon are fleeing from a suspicious crater with a familiar stone in the center. SkullKnightmon raises his own crystal fragment into the air and stuff happens.
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By stuff I mean black lightning and purple-blue light which is meant to signify Evil which is mega DUMB because blue and purple are the most awesome color combo EVER I mean it throw some turquoise in there too and I will buy it whatever it is a necklace a shawl a codpiece
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There are eight crystals that rise from the ground surrounding the central crystal and share energy with it. I thought the number eight might be significant you know for obvious reasons but it doesn’t appear to matter in this episode.
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Evil crystals or not, Taichi’s on his way to save Hikari once and for all!
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Hikari: Thanks, but no thanks, oniichan.
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Taichi: H-Hikari! You don’t understand! You’re too young to go off with a strange man!
Hikari: But oniichan I love him
Taichi: Who do you think I am, Tevye!? You’re not marrying him and that’s final!
Hikari: waaah why don’t you understand me!!
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ok back to the story...
Hikari abandons her brother for his muscular studly lover SkullKnightmon.
... >_>
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Using Hikari’s powers, SkullKnightmon evolves to Gundamon DarkKnightmon. Meanwhile there’s lots of chanting and stuff about this being SkullKnightmon’s purpose or some such. I still kinda hope we get a redemption arc for SkullKnightmon or that he has something more to do with the story...
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Agumon stops Taichi from wigging out and they go to save Hikari together, but before they can they are beset from all angles by henchmen.
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Sora: Hey, you take care of Tweedle Dee and I’ll get Tweedle Dum!
Birdramon: *gets punched in the head* I hope you brought enough aspirin...
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Then these guys appear. I’ve forgotten their names but evil as they look they literally just stand there till they get blown up and then more appear... I guess that’s a kind of talent
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Takeru: Leave the small fry to me!
Pegasusmon: Takeru when I said I wanted a Happy Meal this isn’t what I meant
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Hikari begins to be absorbed into a dark pocket dimension of DarkKnightmon’s or something like that. It seems like a very chill experience.
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Taichi: I’ll save you! Take my hand!
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Hikari: O... nii... chan... Fuck you...
ok so here’s my problem here.
This is meant to be all emotional and stuff right?? Hikari’s been blowing off her brother for an unknown reason (we all figured out what it was but look the main characters don’t know and that’s what counts) and he’s finally managed to catch up with her. His hand is inches away from catching hers and pulling her to safety. She’s got creepy glowing eyes. She mouths “o..nii...chan...” with a creepy smile before being pulled into darkness.
I know it’s for kids so it’s not going to be too scary or anything but there ‘just like... no build up here. The storytelling style is too mathematical. “We go from Plot Point A to Plot Boint B via Battles 1 2 and 3...” There’s nothing happening in between to make us feel Taichi’s desperation, or even to know what Hikari’s feeling in this moment. Is she really okay with this? Is she having second thoughts? It doesn’t make any sense for her not to be scared. I fully expected her to go through with it, but she can be scared and still go through with it... come on...
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It’s like that scene from Utena except sapped of any and all emotional impact.
I don’t really remember how Greymon got up there in the first place since he can’t fly but at least we get a scene of him and Taichi plummeting to the earth after failing to save Hikari. The kind of thing that would be dramatic if there were any kind of animation budget at all.
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The one thing the show is sure to do is show us Taichi’s expressions, which I guess is something... It’s just so rushed and the accompanying dialogue leaves something to be desired.
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Greymon: Don’t give up, Taichi... Taichi... um. what are you doing...
Taichi: stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself stop hitting yourself
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Anyway, Taichi is Big Mad. I thought (hoped, to be honest) that we might get a glimpse of him going wild with dark energy like in the Devimon episode again... Or at least a hint that that was a possibility in the heat of the moment before Agumon snapped him out of it. But nope.
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He takes a moment to be upset and then says “There’s no time to worry about what to do” and goes to save Hikari... from inside DarkKnightmon somehow :P
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This does not go well.
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Meanwhile Hikari is surprisingly okay for someone who was just eaten alive by sentient VantaBlack. She discovers a peculiar light inside... DarkKnightmon’s intestine??? Is that where we are now??? lmao
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She recognizes the light as the voice that has been calling her and tries to head towards it, but is blocked by some purple jello.
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There’s a kind of cool thing that happens here... We just had a scene where Taichi desperately tries to grab his sister’s hand and yank her out of the clutches of evil, but fails, mostly because she doesn’t do anything to help him since she is weirdly okay with the situation. Now we get a mirror of that moment with Hikari bursting out of the jello with her arm outstretched to grab what is clearly Tailmon’s paw.
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Only Tailmon does take Hikari’s hand.
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It was really cool to see the brother and sister paralleling each other this much. It shows the ways they’re both courageous and determined and caring.
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Meanwhile Taichi finally whips out WarGreymon. Honestly, I feel like this should have been WarGreymon’s intro episode. This would have been a good time for a new evolution, rather than in a fight with a nobody that I’ve already forgotten. Idk. WarGreymon uses Brave Tornado to knock DarkKnightmon’s lances away and burrow into his armor. So, yeah, Hikari’s in his intestines, lmao.
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Hikari is being chased by a two-headed monster who is in for the migraine of its (their?) life when the tornado crashes into it.
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Hikari: Big brother! You look so cool!
Taichi: Promise me that no matter how many men come into your life, I’ll always be number one.
Hikari: okay that is creepy
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WarGreymon explodes DarkKnightmon from the inside out x’D and Taichi gets a redo of his hand-reaching scene. First he berates Hikari for running off on her own and then smiles.
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Hikari says she always believed he’d rescue her. Aww.
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Sweet sibling love.
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Then there’s this really hilarious sound which turns out to be the Vademon hivemind giving a collective cry of distress x’D it’s lmfao amazing. Then they start chanting “Next time next time next time” just in case you thought Millennium was defeated and we can go home now.
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Taichi: Sora, do you know where I can buy a leash for this kid? I can’t keep chasing her like this. Aren’t kids today supposed to be glued to their phones and never go outside?
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Patamon’s Girlfriend Radar piques at the bundle in Hikari’s arms.
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And it is indeed Tailmon, and she’s been waiting for Hikari all this time.
Tailmon: I am Tailmon, a Holy Digimon.
Patamon: oh my god you can’t just call yourself holy ugh you’re so self-centered
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D’awww.
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They’re both sooooo cute. I’m annoyed they didn’t get a cool ending card like Takeru and Patamon did last week though. But still, this is a sweet moment.
So, there’s not a lot to complain about in this episode, comparatively speaking. I wish we had more dialogue and understood the value of a dramatic pause etc. Also wish Sora and Takeru had more to do than fight the henchmen. Like, if you can just erase an entire part of an episode and it still works fine, you clearly didn’t need that part so why waste time on it.
But at least we do get reactions from Taichi, and at least we got plot development. The Taichi/Hikari parallels were cool. And even though I had other hopes for how this arc would turn out, I’m glad it’s over because maybe we can finally do some other stuff now. Maybe. I want to get back to Koushirou SOOO bad but more than anything I am still gobsmacked by how long it’s been since Yamato’s had anything to do but ride on Garurumon. That is WEIRD. He’s YAMATO.
Next week...
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... Looks like it’ll be a light-hearted undersea episode. I’m cool with that. The preview clips had a “Sebastian’s Calypso” vibe that I dig. It’s still about Taichi’s group but I think that’s to do more actual face time with Tailmon and Hikari. I hope we see the others as well and if not maybe the week after. I will be happy if this episode has some personality to it.
23 notes · View notes
snkpolls · 3 years
Text
SnK Episode 68 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)
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The poll closed with 146 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!
Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.
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RATE THE EPISODE 140 Responses
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The anime continues its positive streak with just over 90% of respondents rating the episode a 4 or 5. MAPPA appears to be blowing this season out of the water for most of us!
Noice
Good!
I liked it
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 144 Responses
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We got a pretty mixed pie chart this week. To be expected, given how many moments were in this episode. At a tie with the largest pieces of the pie were Hange’s eccentric attempt to greet the Marleyans and Eren’s gunshot figuratively hitting Sasha. Behind that two more options tied in each with 10.4% of the vote - EMA’s conversation at the shooting range and Sasha appreciating Nicolo’s cooking. This is followed closely by Eren’s mirror scene with 9.7% of the vote. Onyankopon explaining why he looks different when Sasha asks him about it took a solid 9% of the vote.
WHAT WAS THE MOST EMOTIONAL PART OF THE VISIT TO SASHA’S GRAVE? 144 Responses
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This was almost too close to call, but Mikasa sitting alone managed to edge out just slightly over Connie’s “I’ve lost half of me” moment at Sasha’s grave. Trailing behind the two were Nicolo’s grief and the agreement between Papa Braus agreeing to a free meal from Nicolo.
AFTER SEVERAL TENSE AND ACTION PACKED EPISODES, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE TRANSITION TO SOMETHING MORE CALM? 138 Responses
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The larger chunk of respondents are feeling relieved to get a break from the action for a few episodes. 21.7% prefer the action but don’t mind a break here and there, while 21% state that they enjoy the exposition more than the action anyway, so they are content. A small handful don’t care either way. 
We needed this for another build-up to more action
I like the action but it’s important to move the story along 
These just feel mandatory fillers to me.
I miss the warriors
I feel fine with it. I thought that was going to be some happy-go-me episode, but gladly it still had a serious tones.
This episode felt like a very welcome respite after the absolute shitshow that was spoilers week and....whatever the fuck chapter 137 was. 
Nice breather of sorts, I always like seeing characters from action-heavy series in their downtime.
WOULD YOU RATHER GET A SURPRISE GREETING FROM EREN & HANGE, OR ARMIN & LEVI? 141 Responses
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The vast majority of respondents would prefer the slightly less lethal greeting given by Hange and Eren at the beginning of the episode. We’re not sure if the other 29.1% are masochists or just really love Levi and/or Armin that much more. Or perhaps they’re intrigued by the pig piss from the filthy island devils.
ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW HAPPY ARE YOU TO BE BACK ON PARADIS? 139 Responses
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Overall, fans are happy to be back in familiar territory and put into the perspective of the Survey Corps again. Let’s get ready to rumble!
MAPPA HAS SPRINKLED IN ANIME-ONLY ADDITIONS THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. AS A WHOLE, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM? 139 Responses
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Though subtle, MAPPA did include some anime filler (such as Eren’s, erm, mouth breathing). 51.1% enjoyed the noticeable additions, while 37.4% are completely confused by the question and didn’t realize there were any. A handful generally don’t prefer additions but enjoyed what little ones we had this episode. A small sliver didn’t care for them.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SCENES FROM CHAPTER 107 THAT WERE PEPPERED IN BETWEEN THE MOMENTS FROM CHAPTER 106? 139 Responses
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MAPPA is shuffling things around to pick up the pacing of this arc, and 48.2% of respondents are feeling very positively about it. 38.8% also feel that both the order of events in the original manga and the anime work out just fine regardless. A couple of smaller groups either felt that things were a bit off from the manga, or didn’t really care either way. 
I think it's great because it allows an episode to start and end on the same chapter if mappa ever wanted it, allowing the right twists or cliffhangers to be in the right episodes, all WITHOUT having to slow down, which I wholly appreciate.
I'm fine with the changes. Mappa is doing good job.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE CHANGE OF GABI BITING HER NAIL AND ANGRILY SAYING EREN’S NAME IN HER JAIL CELL? 142 Responses
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Nearly half of voters feel that both MAPPA’s take and Isayama’s original take work just fine for Gabi’s character. 28.9% prefer the anime’s take on Gabi’s reaction to all that happened, while 14.8% feel that her more defeated posture in the manga makes more sense for her character. 
I'm a mix of both? Her defeated posture implies that she's not happy with the way things worked out with them in jail and Zeke betraying them. On the other hand, her angry face is realistic to the scene too because it implies she really blames Eren for their current predicament.
She looks like some female version of young, angry Tarzan. This time Mappa should have kept the original postures, because the defeated Gabi feels to be more realistic, than the crazy anime one. 
I think they both work but the anime's take might be the anime team beating us over the head that she's just like Eren when he was young.
Makes it clear to the anime-onlies that she really is psychotic
Gabi sucks
HOW WELL DO YOU THINK MAPPA NAILED THE TRANSITION OF EREN SHOOTING THE GUN, TO SASHA TAKING THE HIT? 141 Responses
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The response to MAPPA’s take on Eren’s shot inadvertently hitting Sasha was overwhelmingly positive, with only a few people saying that they could have done better with it. 
Eren shot linked to Sasha's death was awesome. Mappa is nailing it!
THE PART WHERE JEAN, SASHA AND CONNIE ARE TRYING TO GUESS WHAT A PORT IS WAS CUT OUT, WITH ARMIN’S NARRATION INSTEAD CUTTING INTO THE SCENE. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT? 140 Responses
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Exactly 50% felt that while having that JSC characterization would have been very much welcome, they’re okay with that small detail missing from the manga (granted, it was at least acknowledged by one panel being animated). 25.7% have a more nonchalant response, stating that if it helps with the pacing, they’re fine with small cuts like this. 10.7% are just let down by JSC’s lack of characterization in the anime overall and didn’t appreciate even more being taken from their characterization in this episode. 
I was more so interested in our Paradis Peeps talking about newly discovered technology but I’m happy with what we got.
Not dissappointed since I understand you can't show everything but I love them so sad
Why was it animated then?! I’m so confused
Normally I don't like it when they cut corners like this, but I wasn't fond of that scene in the first place so it's okay.
If by "anime" you mean the entirety of it including the past 3 seasons, then option 3. I'm always going to be salty about how much they took out or changed for these three during the uprising arc. So far mappa has done okay with them, I guess. 
Would have been a funny JSC moment, but it was really absolutely pointless. In manga format it works as just background words on a panel. Animating it takes seconds of an episode that could be used elsewhere. So I'm fine with it being cut out.
SOME HAVE COMPLAINED THAT THE ENDING SCENE OF EREN REPEATING HIS MANTRA INTO THE MIRROR LACKED THE IMPACT IT HAD IN THE MANGA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 138 Responses
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43.5% were receptive of the anime only shots, but favor the way the scene was portrayed in the manga more. 34.1% felt that both versions were done well, with only 9.4% feeling that the impact was largely the same (if not better). Based on the write-ins, the main complaint seems to be the lighting/color scheme of the scene not quite meeting expectations, or that MAPPA made Eren’s back look weird. 
theyll make up for it when eren screeches at hange next ep
Impact was there, art just felt a bit wonky and toned down the scene overall. 9/11
This goes into my criticism of the color palette and shading style mappa uses, which is far more subdued. The contrast is lowered and the scene is very dark, and there is little rim lighting, so while the actual lineart has far more detail, the detail in the lighting is reduced. Damn I really am writing a wall text aren't I? I prefer Wit Studio's art style a lot but Mappa has honestly been doing great so I couldn't care less, manbun Eren is hot.
I prefer the manga version. I think the anime version have weirds shadows in eren's back. Plus the mirror don't have the same energy, less impactful
Cool scene in the anime, an unforgettable blow to the brains in the manga
Idk
Most of the time seeing things for the first time is what's really impactful. Feel this way towards Armin's transformation in the boat as well. It was definitely less impactful than when you first read it in the manga.
I understand the fandom because this moment was very popular when the chapter was out. I think that in the anime Eren lacks the anger he had in the manga. His voice was too calm while repeating his mantra. .
WHY DOES HIS BACK LOOK LIKE THAT
I didn't care for it in the anime, it was really underwhelming. 
I think most people are annoyed about the lighting than the impact. It’s a bit too dim and the lamp hides Eren’s new hair.
Didn't like the anime version at all
The animation wasn't good and they totally fucked his hair, face, and body up. Although the added shots were definitely welcome.
Eren could've been sexier/animated better, I hope they do better next ep 😭
WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN. HOW WILL THE ANIME DEAL WITH MIKASA’S HIZURU TATTOO/SYMBOL? 135 Responses
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With Mikasa meeting Kiyomi presumably being inevitable in episode 69, we wondered if any opinions had changed on this. 34.1% feel hopeful that the tattoo will be retconned into the anime and that we will see this scene faithful to the manga. 28.9% think that Mikasa will happen to have some kind of embroidery on hand already. 25.9% don’t want to make a call either way, and a small handful think Mikasa’s going to just pull out an embroidery kit and go with it, lol.
The embroidery will be on the inside of her bandage.
Japanese are very taboo about tattoos because of the Yazuka... it will 100% be the embroidery.
I don't know but I hope it gets retconned. Never liked the embroidery thing.
It won't be included
Let’s just... ignore it..
I really really hope MAPPA retcons Mikasa's tattoo next episode. This will be the one retcon I will absolutely celebrate. Plus, it's not really a retcon if they're just amending Wit's changes.
WE WILL ASK YOU AGAIN, AGAIN. WITH THE PACING CURRENTLY UTILIZED BY MAPPA, WHERE WILL EPISODE 16 END? 137 Responses
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Uncertainty continues to loom over exactly how far MAPPA will get into this (first half of the?) season. Nearly 40% don’t want to make predictions one way or another, while 23.4% feel that it won’t make it quite to chapter 122. The rest believe it will make it to chapter 122, with 17.5% feeling there will only be minor cuts, if any, and the remaining 13.1% feeling that there will be major cuts to make the feat to chapter 122. 
116 (?) when the allied force attack paradis
122 with the amount of cuts being somewhere in between. They can cut a lot of the Gabi and Falco plotline and still have the story remain intact.
See, I'm not sure buy I'm also worried and curious about it all. It brings up the question of will the story continue in a possible second half of the season? With the manga ending very soon now, it makes sense to have the story wrap up in its anime medium as well. Fees like there's some kind of uncertainty surrounding this, it's unnerving tbh. 
119 with Eren's head being blown off.
gabi no scoping eren, ending creds is eren entering paths and we see ymir standing behind him, s4p2 starts w the ymir backstory
121
No idea and I don't think about it. I just enjoy the show. 
Your guess is as good as mine, I'm still fearing major cuts.
119
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT NICOLO’S PORTRAYAL? 138 Responses
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With Nicolo now formally introduced in the anime, we were curious how you felt about his portrayal. Overall the reaction was positive, with 48.6% agreeing that he’s a “cutie pie chef”, and another 45.7% feeling that his design and seiyuu are absolutely great! A small handful were less happy with the voice, but happy with the design, and a sliver went in the opposite direction, preferring voice over animation.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ADDED DETAIL OF THE FLOWER BOQUETS AND THEIR SYMBOLISM ON SASHA’S GRAVE? 140 Responses
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Respondents vastly appreciated the flower symbolism from MAPPA with 82.9% of the pie. 12.9% aren’t really sure what symbolism there even was, and a small amount either don’t care or felt the effort could have been spent on something other than flowers for Sasha.
WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 143 Responses
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This pie chart wound up being almost eerily even. 42.7% are most looking forward to the 104th discussing Eren (hopeful for the train flashback?). 39.9% instead are looking more forward to Hange and Eren’s tense conversation at his jail cell. The remaining three preview moments were pretty evenly split as well.
DO YOU THINK WE’LL GET BLUSHING!104TH NEXT EPISODE? 130 Responses
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71.5% feel that there is a chance we will get the train flashback of the 104th in this episode, but don’t want to say for absolutely certain. 18.5% feel that it is a guarantee based on what we saw in the preview. 10% feel it is instead guaranteed that we will NOT get the scene in 69.
WE WILL LIKELY SEE PREGNANT HISTORIA NEXT EPISODE. THOUGHTS? 140 Responses
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The plotline that continues to be a frustrating mystery in the manga - Historia’s pregnancy. 34.3% aren’t particularly looking forward to seeing her in the rocking chair and aren’t very stoked about having to relive this plotline all over again. 33.6% mainly just care about seeing how the anime only fans react to the scene. 17.9% just miss Historia altogether and will take any scraps they can get. And a small handful, at 9.3%, are actually looking forward to seeing anime!Historia with a baby bump. 
Don't really care about historia
It's in MAPPA's hands now. I just hope they can add a little more of her screentime somehow.
I hope so. I want to see the design of her adult self. 
I honestly wouldn't mind if Historia's entire arc, which consists of equal parts pregnancy, irrelevance and uselessness, is just completely cut in the anime lol
not interest
I'm not interested 
I've hated this fucking plot line with all my being and what it's done to Historia since the leaks for this chapter were revealed years ago. So I'm not looking forward to anime-only people jumping in with their hot takes too. 🤮🤮
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?
mikasa was shown in sasha's grave in the morning/afternoon and then she was shown again at dusk. SHE SPENT THE WHOLE DAY THERE. and annie... what a queen. and hisu's few scenes? so pretty.
Really glad the pacing was well done
nicosasha ship just flew in and took the spotlight
fantastic!! maybe it's just because this isn't my first time going through this arc anymore, but i feel like the anime feels chronologically less confusing than the manga—I remember being very confused my first time reading these chapters.
The lack of score by Hiroyuki Sawamo is negatively impacting my relationship with the anime. The depth of the emotion that could have been evoked was not present. I also did not get the sense that Nicolo and Sasha were in love, which was a major disappoinment. There were other aspects that weren't so bad, though; specifically, Levi's portrayal and Onyankopon's philosophy.
It felt a bit all over the place, but just seeing things from the manga being animated, I ain’t even mad.
I think that the scene between Sasha and Nicolo was made better in the anime. Isayama has problems with writing romantic moments, so in the manga the whole moment looked like it was taken from some light romance. Mappa made this scene more serene. I liked it. 
I think MAPPA is doing so great tbh! I just need them to hurry up and explain if there will be a part two to this final season or what?! I need to know if we get more anime or they'll diverge into movies or.... just tell us! Lol! 
How DAREEEE they not give Levi his black steed!!!! .....Although knowing what happens ummm yeah maybe his pony gets to live another day this way lol
Here comes the train wreck, choo choo!
I'm really sad I didn't get to hear Sasha call Jean a perv. I was really looking forward to that. LOL I love them. When EMA were at the shooting range, it looked too much like Mikasa wasn't wearing any pants. 
VERY solid. Not the biggest fan of the War for Paradis arc but I'm here for the ride.
WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 128 Responses
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Thanks again to everyone who participated!
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somerandomstrayemo · 3 years
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This is my story off of wattpad that I had just decided to put here, do not repost, if I see this story anywhere else I will ask you to take it down, thank you :)
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Prompt: Virgil lends their sweater to Remus. When Remus is home, he realizes he still has Virgil's sweater and finds Virgil's iPod. Out of curiosity, Remus looks through Virgil's music and finds a playlist titled with Remus's name..
Virgil sat comfortably on the couch, casually scrolling through Instagram (yes, FINALLY, something other than Tumblr-). He hadn't had much to do that day since Patton was out getting things for a movie night, Roman was writing the script for a new video, and Logan was out with Patton, probably just out and about to resupply on crofters since he was running low on them.
It was mid February, and due to the climate in Florida it was still quite cold to say the least. Though Virgil didn't mind the freezing temperature due to the fact he almost always wore his black and purple sweater, he seemed almost unfazed by the somewhat cold atmosphere.
Around the evening is when the anxious trait heard light shuffling behind him and he quickly spun around from his position on the couch, only to spot a  seemingly freezing Remus that previously planned on pouncing on him. "Remus? What are you doing here?" Virgil asked, as it wasn't very common for the dark sides to just come along particularly unannounced like that. "Oh the heater part thing in the air conditioner broke over on the dark side and Janus won't let me use his heat coil thingy, so I thought it'd be warmer here, and surprise surprise, it's FUCKING not~" Remus seemed to be speaking in an utterly annoyed an sarcastic tone. Virgil rolled his eyes and tucked away his ear buds, propping his arms up on the back of the couch. "Huh, that sucks now doesn't it" The emo said, still completely unfazed by the situation.
Remus looked Virgil up and down in complete shock. He wasn't shivering, and was acting as though everything was fine. The intrusive side then scoffed and crossed his arms, developing a somewhat snarky attitude towards the smaller side. "How the hell are you so okay with this, it's fucking freezing here! Are you immune or something?!" Remus wasn't very pleased. Virgil made it look so simple and easy to just ignore the cold, it was almost like the emo was taunting him. "Relax Remus, I just have a really thick sweater on. Here, if it makes you feel any better, would you like to borrow it?" Virgil tried to be kind to Remus, as he hated conflict between sides and wasn't one to want to get involved. In fact, Virgil did this willingly, he'd do anything just to see Remus smile just once. It was just a little temperature, how bad could it possibly be?
Remus stared at the emo like he was being taunted once more, but then eased up a bit, seeing there was no signs of mockery in his soft expression. Remus simply gave in, un-crossing his arms and giving a small nod, watching as Virgil then took off his sweater and handed it over.
Remus seemed so happy as he quickly grabbed the sweater and put it on. Though Remus was enjoying himself, this was a decision that Virgil very quickly regret as a cold draft of air hit him like a bus. God it was freezing, yet he plastered a smile on his face as not to let Remus worry. "Thanks emo, this thing really is warm!" Remus said in an almost happy tone. It was rare that Virgil ever saw Remus happy like this since he was mostly intrusive, so like any other side would, he took it all in while he still could. "You're welcome dude, I didn't want you dying from hypothermia, you looked like an angry ice cube." The emo smirked, using his little remark to distract himself from the cold atmosphere. Remus laughed, something Virgil just loved to see, thank god his pale foundation was covering his slightly red face. Though Remus could clearly see how satisfied Virgil was by the decision, and leaned forward, placing and gentle kiss on the freezing emo's face, causing the anxious trait to tense up. "I have to go now Virge, and seriously, thanks for the sweater, I promise I'll give it back" Remus stated happily as he then quickly sunk out. Who's to say he probably snuck out while Janus was distracted, he didn't even give Virgil a chance to speak before he left.
After about a week had past, Virgil had ended up borrowing one of Patton's sweaters, as morality had plenty, so yeah it wasn't his usual style, but at least he was fairly warm. After all, only a few hours after Remus left the week before was when the light sides soon discovered that their air conditioning had broke as well. Back with the dark sides however, Janus had been trying to get Remus to confess on where he had gotten that sweater all week, but as time went on, he had eventually given up. Around this time, Remus was in his room playing around with his mace, he honestly had no intention on giving Virgil his sweater back, as he loved it like his own, but he knew the sad truth was that he had to give it up sooner or later.
As the intrusive side swung hos mace one last time, A small object fell out of the pocket of Virgil's sweater. Remus stopped all he was doing and set his mace aside, picking up the object only to discover it was a dark purple iPod with Virgil's name on it. Being curious, Remus conjured some headphones and plugged them into it, starting to look through his playlists he had saved:
"P!ATD? Of course he would"
"Huh, I..guess.. Billie Eilish makes sense..?"
"ugh, and I think Lofi music would be for his panic attacks, I still wouldn't listen to that"
"AVIVA, again, of course he would."
"MCR, yep, That's Virgil alright, it's sad he only has like 2 songs in this playlist"
Remus went on and on over the playlists, until he came across one that caught his eye, 'reminds me of Remus'. No way the anxious trait really had a playlist dedicated to him, right? Remus clicked the playlist and immediately saw a song that captured his main personality, the one that he used around Virgil:
'Green' by cavetown
Remus had closed the iPod immediately and sighed, he realized the only reason Virgil gave up his sweater was because he cared for Remus, and you know what, that wasn't what Remus had thought at all, he simply thought the emo pitied him, nothing more. Turns out the emo really did like him back after all.
Remus acted quickly, playing a recording of him messing around in his room and locked the door so he could sneak out unnoticed. Once he'd done that he quickly sunk out, hoping Virgil was in his room, and to his relief, he was. Virgil was laying peacefully in his bed, curled up under his blankets, and the room completely silent apart from his very light snoring which Remus had found adorable. Virgil slept in often as he barely got any sleep once the sun set. The intrusive aspect guessed that he fell asleep around 4am today, and he only needed an hour of sleep, but it seemed as though he decided to sleep in the one day Remus decided to confront him.
Instead of waking the emo, Remus had decided to be very quiet and get in bed next to him. If Virgil truly loved Remus, then surely he wouldn't mind.
It had only been a few hours before Virgil woke up, a strong and warm embrace wrapped around his small figure. It had only took him a moment to realize he wasn't alone, quickly turning to look up at who had broken into his room; "Remus.." The younger gently whispered, causing Remus to flutter his eyes open and smile to the small anxious trait in his arms.
Virgil had to admit, he was loving every second of this, he simply looked up at Remus, frozen in silence. He had so many questions; why was he here? How long had he been there? And most importantly, did he even want to be this close to someone like himself. As Virgil's mind trailed off, he felt a pair of lips capture his as he felt his waist was being strattled. The emo didn't resist nor comply, he simply screwed his eyes shut, a few small tears falling from them. Oh how he dreamed of this, how he wanted nothing but to be loved like this.. He'd been longing for someone to love him back...
The kiss lingered for a moment before being broken, Remus placing a hand against the emo's cheek. It was firm, yet so gentle and loving. The intrusive side then used his thumb to wipe away any tears Virgil had, and gave a comforting smile "why didn't you tell me sooner Virgil" he asked kindly, a tone that Virgil rarely ever got to hear. "I was scared.. You'd reject me.." He spoke with pure honesty, and slight guilt for not telling sooner, after all he was the embodiment of fear and anxiety. Though nevertheless, who could stay upset at a face like Virgil's?
Remus chuckled as he sat up, scooping up the smaller trait and placing him in his lap and peppering his face with kisses. "it's okay now love, you don't need to hide it from me anymore, I've got you" Remus sighed out, reassuring Virgil that he had absolutely nothing to be afraid of. A beautiful moment of silence quickly followed those words, and Virgil almost immediately fell asleep in Remus's arms after that. He hadn't felt this loved and relaxed in god knows how long since he was always careful and on edge. It was a wonderful feeling, so great that it put him to sleep. Remus simply chuckled once more, laying his new lover back down as he took his place beside the younger trait, wrapping his arms around Virgil as he then too, drifted off to sleep.
Words: 1694
Sanity: 100%, this was beautiful
My sleep schedule: it's 1am and I have school, so idk, you tell me- :/
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