#but i've made an effort not to bring this up in front of other people so that i'm not leaving anyone out!

[byanyan]

main verse updates, developments, & additional headcanons

ㅤthanks to lena practically dragging them into it, byan is on the track team that she coaches at school. though they initially weren't all that interested, it's something they've come to enjoy a lot (even if they sometimes have to stop running for a little coughing fit) — they've always enjoyed physical activity, always enjoyed sports, but have never been particularly cooperative when it came to team sports (and always broke rules and got too violent when they'd try martial arts or boxing), so track suits them quite well. they quickly became one of the top performing team members and, though things were certainly rough in the beginning with byan being very abrasive and uninterested in their teammates, they've actually ended up pretty friendly with most of them over the months since they joined.

ㅤalthough they never planned to go to college, having zero interest in continuing in school once they were finally out of the hell of high school, they've come around on it a bit. this is mostly thanks to both lena and sol's encouragement and helping them realize they can go to learn something they actually care about — fashion design. almost entirely because of these two, byan is planning to apply to the local community college and is in the process of building a portfolio of their work for this purpose.

ㅤbecause of this plan, they're slowly becoming a (slightly) better student: attending class more regularly (though still skipping fairly often), paying a bit more attention in class, and even completing and handing in homework. they're actually on track to graduate now rather than flunking out. they may not graduate with flying colours, but it's enough for a diploma and that's all they care about.

ㅤjust because they're doing better doesn't mean that things are perfect, though. they still get discouraged a lot in their struggle with their (still undiagnosed) dyslexia, general inferiority complex, and overall difficulty in the typical school setting. it's not uncommon to hear them ranting about changing their mind about college, see them throw a textbook across the room, or catch them straight up burning their homework out of frustration. if they're feeling particularly awful and discouraged, they have a tendency to disappear for a few days, get themself into even more trouble than usual, get themself into more fights, and numb themself with drugs and/or alcohol. they come back around eventually, but sometimes it takes a bit of coaxing.

ㅤthough they still technically live in the group home, they spend almost no time there anymore, only really stopping by for food or appointments (when they don't blow them off, anyway). most nights they're either crashing on lena's couch or at sol's place, and even most of their belongings have been moved and split between these two locations.

ㅤat this point, the caretakers at the group home have more or less given up on trying to keep an eye on them or expecting any different behaviour from them. they've been in this particular home for several years at this point and, with their eighteenth birthday fast approaching (and with it the time where they'll be unable to stay there any longer), not much point is seen in trying to change anything anymore. byan has always been difficult to keep a handle on, efforts at controlling them to any extent met with aggressive rebellion, and it isn't seen as worth the hassle anymore. at least if they're off doing their own thing all the time, it means they're causing less trouble around the home.

ㅤthe boy they share a room with in the home, si-u, still covers for them a lot of the time, telling the caretakers and staff that oh yeah, byan was totally here last night. byan suspects he mostly does this because he likes having a room to himself, but it results in them being hounded a little less all the same, so they appreciate it.

ㅤof course, just because their future is looking a little less grim doesn't mean that everything has changed. they might have a boyfriend now, might have found themself some actual friends and even some familial figures, but they're still byan. they still love to go out and get themself into trouble, still love to fight, steal, and cause havoc for others, and still have a tendency to get themself in over their head or disappear without warning when their ptsd acts up. things are looking up and they might be feeling more fulfilled but, when it comes down to it, they're still them, and they still have a long way to go.

[benoitblanc]

sigh. you know when you love your best friend more than anything but still really really want to bash their head in a little

[luveline]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 | 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

spencer comforts you with facts and affection alike when you worry you aren't as pretty as the girls on his team. requested here. fem!reader, 1.6k

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Photographs can't accurately capture how beautiful Emily Prentiss is. JJ and Penelope are both gorgeous too, but it's Emily who startles you. Her hair a cool black colour and curled around her demure face, the line of her nose and her deep, dark eyes. Her lips, picture perfect and painted a soft pink.

The prettier you find her, the more your heart sinks. 

Spencer squeezes your shoulder. It's bold for him to do so in front of his friends (his family, really), he can barely show you affection in the grocery store without turning rosy. You preen at the touch, but the feeling of insecurity remains like an irksome gnat zipping around your head. 

"We didn't think we'd ever get to meet you!" Derek is saying, a casual arm thrown around Penelope's shoulders, a drink in hand. 

Rossi couldn't attend and JJ felt too pregnant, bringing your party to a solid six. It still feels like a lot of people to meet at once. 

You hold the flute of your glass in a nervous hand, fingers stickied by condensation. You have a feeling that you're in trouble, all these profilers assessing your behaviour, nowhere to hide. "No, I'm," —you raise your voice to hide the funny tremor that's taken hold— "so happy to meet you all, I promise I've been trying!" 

"Whenever she gets time off, we're on a case," Spencer says. 

Emily smiles widely at your statement. It's such an open, friendly look, it floors you. You look down at your drink and blink. 

You don't know it, but the team exchanges glances at your behaviour. 

"So, do you enjoy your work?" Emily asks. "Or hate it, like us?"

Hotch laughs and moves his pint glass onto a coaster. "I think it's safe to say that none of us hate our jobs." 

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. I can't imagine how hard it is, how hard you all work," you say. Spencer's hand drifts down your back. "But you have each other."

Emily does this thing with her eyes and if you weren't in a happy relationship, you'd probably be a puddle at her feet. "Too much of each other," she says jokingly.

She's gorgeous, and Spencer sees her every single day? You're nothing compared to her. Not smart, not strong, and nowhere near as pretty. You could never measure up. 

"Would you, um, excuse me?" you ask, moving your purse from your lap and onto the table. 

"You okay?" Spencer asks, looking up as you stand. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just gonna use the bathroom," you say quietly. You aren't, but if you were, you wouldn't really want to broadcast that anyhow. 

You try not to wobble on the way to the bathroom. The weight of five pairs of eyes follows you as you leave, four of which are trained in the art of spotting lies. Everything isn't okay, and they know that, and by extension —all the effort you made tonight? Getting your hair done, your nicest clothes, your makeup and your perfume? It might as well be a huge blinking neon sign that says you're trying really hard, and it doesn't make a lick of difference. 

You sidle into a stall, pulling the lid of the toilet down with a tissue and sitting on it heavily. Elbows on your knees, you hunch your back and hide your face in your hands, breathing in the smell of bleach through quick breaths. Water drips somewhere near the sinks, the cacophony of the restaurant hushed. 

You've never felt naturally pretty. With Spencer, it hasn't ever mattered. He's never given any indication that he cares. But… 

"Loser," you mutter to yourself. 

"Hey, Y/N?" Spencer asks, his voice bouncing off of the tile. 

You freeze. "Two seconds!" 

"You're not really using the bathroom," he says incredulously. 

"Says who?"

Spencer laughs, his tone wry, "I know you really well, you realise? Like, better than I know anyone else on the planet."

"Then you know I'm having an authentic pee and need my privacy." 

"Come on out." 

The ringing of the lock slotting free is like an announcement of your embarrassment. Spencer's standing a half a foot from the doorway, keeping his distance from the no man's land that is the ladies room. You're going to use it to your advantage, only he holds out his hand expectantly. When you take it, he pulls you out of the bathroom and firmly into the restaurant hallway. 

You can't escape his concern, nor his hands as they cup your face unexpectedly. 

They feel as nice as they look, deft fingers pressed to your skin like you're one of his puzzles to decipher. 

"What upset you?" he asks. 

"Nothing your friends did, I promise." 

"But something." He smooths a hand down to your shoulders. He's not quite frenetic but certainly close to it, searching for a problem he won't find on the surface. "You're insecure about something," he deduces. 

You cringe bodily. "I'm not." 

"What is it? Is it your necklace? It really is nice, the colour goes with your skin. It's understated." 

"It's not my necklace, Spence." 

"Then what is it?" 

"I just…" You pull his hands from your neck and collar to hold them, looking up into his melty brown eyes wishing he weren't so hard to say no to. "Feel like you could do better." 

He frowns. It's a pout, and endearing, but not what you want to see. 

"I love being with you, I just think, you know, you're so handsome, and you have all these pretty friends," you say.  

"You think you're not pretty?" he asks. He sounds gutted, if a little confused. 

"Not like her." Your voice quivers. 

The first time you got upset in front of Spencer, he wasn't sure what to do. He ended up putting an arm around your shoulder, your brand new boyfriend out of his depth. You've both had some practice at comforting one another now, and any hesitance Spencer held is gone. He wraps his arms around you like he's afraid you'll fall over, the crease of his stressed brow smushing against the side of your face. 

"Don't think that. Why would you think that?" he asks quietly. 

"I know I'm not pretty like some girls," you say, surprised by the ferocity of his reaction. 

"You don't know that, because it's not true. You're beautiful." He squeezes your side between his fingers, something contemplative about the way his thumb curls upward. "Do you know how many books I've read?" 

"Thousands." 

He hums. A hand grasps at the back of your neck. "Thousands of books. I know so much, especially about the human body. I know that falling in love can make some people feel the same effects as cocaine. Staring into their eyes can synchronise your heartbeats." He encourages your head back. "Butterflies are adrenaline and when I look at you I can't get them to stop, even if I know it's chemical." Spencer's eyes are lit with something you don't often see directed at you, a furious conviction. "What we think we know isn't always fact, so if you think you're not pretty…" He nods his head gently to the left. "There's only really one thing left to do." 

Your heart feels like it's being juiced. "What's that?" you ask. 

He grabs your hand and puts it on his chest. Fingertips to his breastbone, he holds it flat. Sure enough, even through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, you can feel the rapid capering of his pulse. 

"It's like that pretty much any time I look at you." 

"Spence…" 

"I know it's bad," he says.

"Are you messing with me?"

"Yeah, I did a lap before I came to find you– No!" He laughs, giving you an admonishing look. "Why would I mess with you? How could I?" 

"I don't know." 

He dips in to kiss your frown. "You're so pretty," he whispers. "So, so pretty. You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, no matter what you think." 

You don't believe that you're the prettiest girl he's ever seen, but you believe that he believes it. He has no reason to lie to you, nothing to gain. He could've said, Hey, you're pretty, and left it at that. He could've been angry with you for leaving the table for something some people would say was superficial. But Spencer's your sweetheart. 

"Do you want to go home, angel?" he asks, looking at you worriedly. 

"No." You don't even have to think about it —you've done enough thinking. "I don't want to go home. Sorry, Spencer. I feel better." And you'll stay out all night if he's going to call you angel again. 

"Well, let me know if you need me to tell you again." 

The chances of you surviving such an ardent speech a second time are low. "I won't be doing that." 

Spencer shrugs. "You'll let me know, even if you don't think so. You have a tell when you're upset." 

You spend the rest of the night making up for your disruption (which Spencer's friends immediately dismiss without questioning), shepherding the crisper curly fries on to Spencer's plate because he likes them that way, and begging him to tell you what your tell is with subtle pleading glances and a hand on his knee. Nothing inappropriate, but affectionate nonetheless. 

He doesn't tell you no matter how much you ask, and maybe it's the drinks or the way the scone light kisses his cheeks in a warm buttery light, you can't find it in you to be mad. 

"Keep your secrets," you say, chin tilted upward. You're failing to glare at him, too much love in your eyes for it to be believable. 

"You're beautiful," he says back, mirroring your expression playfully, before leaning down for a chaste kiss. 

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed!! if you did, please consider reblogging, it makes a big difference to me<3 have a good day!

[etoiile]

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

starring itoshi sae!

synopsis: itoshi sae thinks valentines day is stupid. its a stupid holiday for stupid people to give each other stupidly overpriced chocolates and flowers. he's never done anything for any girl for valentines day, so why does he find himself wanting to do something for you?

requested by @unknownedvampire !

notes: a small drabble for the gals who don't have valentines </3 (me...)

"kaiser," sae grumbled, looking up from his lunch, "what now?"

kaiser plopped down across from him, ignoring sae's attitude. "so, what are you gonna do for y/n this year?"

sae glanced up at him and went back to his food. "her birthday isn't for months, stupid."

"no, for valentines day." kaiser grinned, trying to get into the mind of itoshi sae.

sae rolled his eyes, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face. "valentine's day is stupid. it's just stupid people making a stupid holiday for their stupid overpriced chocolates and flowers. i've never done anything for any girl on valentine's day."

kaiser chuckled, nudging him. "come on, if you don't make y/n happy on valentine's, someone else will..."

sae glared at him, but chose to stay silent.

but as the days passed, sae couldn't shake the thought that unlike him, y/n actually liked valentine's day. she would talk about it from time to time, her eyes lighting up with excitement. she talked about her love for all the hearts and all the pink, though she would quickly shut herself down, knowing how sae felt about it.

kaiser continued to pester sae about his valentine's day plans, saying something like, "someone's gonna snatch her up!" but sae remained resistant, dismissing the whole idea. however, a tiny seed of consideration had been planted in his mind. he found himself observing y/n from a distance, noticing the subtle joy that valentine's day seemed to bring her.

eventually, that seed grew into a reluctant acknowledgment. he realized that even if it meant participating in the holiday he deemed "stupid" and "lukewarm," it would be worth it to see y/n smile. so, with a hint of bashfulness and an uncharacteristic softness, sae found himself standing in front of y/n's locker on valentine's day, an equally uncharacteristically sweet, thoughtful gift in his bag.

"oh! sae? what's up?" you smiled, bumping into him after putting your stuff in your locker.

"i, uh, have something for you." he mumbled, a pink dusting on his cheeks.

you put your cheek out expectantly, knowing how this is how he usually tells you he'd like to kiss you, but you were surprised when he instead pulled out a small gift bag.

too stunned to speak, you slowly took the bag. "sae? what's this? i thought you didn't like valentine's?"

he rubbed his neck nervously. "yeah. but you do."

your heart swelled at his sweetness. "thank you, sae."

excitedly, you opened the bag to reveal one of those eternal roses and a small card.

a smile spread across your face as you pulled out the contents. sae shifted awkwardly, his usual gruff demeanor replaced by a rare (actually, not-so-rare nowadays, but he'd rather die than admit it) moment of bashfulness.

"uh, yeah. it's dumb, but... happy valentine's day, or whatever," he muttered, avoiding eye contact.

"it's not dumb," you replied sincerely, admiring the rose. "thank you, sae. this means a lot to me."

sae mumbled something incoherent, a mix of embarrassment and a faint hint of satisfaction that he made you happy. you decided not to tease him, appreciating the effort he had put into this seemingly small gesture.

"i love you!" you grinned, pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek.

his face flushed, matching the color of his hair. "i love you too."

sae was never much of a guy for valentines day, but for you and your sweet smiles and kisses, he thinks that maybe he can be.

extra:

you got home later that day and opened up the card sae wrote for you. inside, it read, "valentines day is stupid, but you aren't. i know i don't show it much, but i love you a lot. just like this rose, my love for you will never die. happy valentine's day, y/n. -sae"

(you texted him later teasing him about how cheesy he is.)

© 𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 please do not copy or repost my work on any other site. interactions appreciated! 🤍

[kooktrash]

♡ electra heart ♡ | kim taehyung

summary ♡ just dumped by his cheating ex girlfriend, taehyung seeks help from the campus primadonna to make his ex jealous. y/n is spoiled, mean and filthy rich—everything his ex loathed. what happens when the two form a pretend relationship that leaves their hearts in great turmoil? welcome to the life of electra heart ♡

[primadonna—marina and the diamonds, {i know I’ve got a big ego, don’t know why it’s such a big deal though}] [bubblegum bitch {I’ll chew you up and spit you out, cause that’s what young love is all about}]

warnings: 12.5k. fake dating. idiots to lovers. smut. angst. mentions of cheating. tae gets cheated on. y/n is filthy rich and can be a bitch. missionary. kinda passionate. oral [f recieving] ex girlfriend ain’t shit. college au. light dirty talk if you squint. both have been heartbroken before. honestly kinda vanilla but rough? daddy issues. attachment issues. f!reader

There's very few things in this world that bring Taehyung to tears. These weren't even sad tears, he was just overwhelmingly pissed off. It's been a month and everyone tells him to get over it but how could he? His girlfriend of two years cheats on him for her stupid dance partner and he's just supposed to get over it? Pretend it never existed while they get to walk around campus like the happy couple? As if everyone didn't know she was in a relationship with Taehyung. As if there's not already talk of her infidelity? Of course he's mad. He's embarrassed. He's hurt.

"We just understand each other Tae, in a way you and I never would. I didn't mean to do this to you, it just sort of happened. Could we at least remain as friends?"

He scoffed out loud at the flashback. Like wow, how big of a dumbass did she play him for? Remain friends? Be for real Jisoo. Because he'd seriously just get over her betrayal so they could be friends.

"Incoming Bitch Alert, block his view," Jimin said forcing Namjoon to move in front of Taehyung. It only made him roll his eyes at their exaggerated efforts to not trigger him with the sight of his ex and her new boyfriend—or well, not new since they dated behind Taehyung's back for three months.

“You know, I've said this already but I'll say it again. A good rebound will really get you over her, y'know?" Jimin said as he threw his arm around Taehyung's shoulders as they headed to their next lecture. Namjoon shook his head, "Leave the guy to mourn, it's only been a month."

“Yeah, and you two talking about it every five seconds really isn't doing shit for me," Taehyung said clearly exasperated with the whole thing. He's tired of hearing about Jisoo. The more he hears about her the more difficult it is to not let his emotions go on a rampage. He just needed them to leave him alone to get over it on his own. He doesn't need their help. He doesn't need them bringing it up. He'll deal with it on his own, he's a big boy, shouldn't be hard.

“You're right, I'm sorry man, I'll stop talking about her," Jimin responded with an apology as he led the way to their lecture hall. It was some stupid prerequisite math class that clearly all of them have ignored until their last year of University. Jimin's grin widened as he took the other two down a row of seats exactly two rows behind the spectacle, "Look at the view."

Taehyung did as told following his friend's line of sight until he landed on two people drowning in Chanel couture. If he didn't know any better they'd look like they just hopped off a NY Fashion week catwalk. Namjoon spoke before Taehyung could and for that he was thankful. "You're obsession with Y/n L/n and her goons is getting scary Jimin. Besides, Y/n's too much of a snob to even look your way."

“I'd be a snob too if my father's net worth was in the millions," Jimin said completely dismissing everything else Namjoon said, "Plus it's not an obsession. It's an admiration. Unlike others who I will not name for personal reasons pertaining to my good friend Taehyung— Y/n doesn't pretend to be a saint. She's outwardly a brutal bitch and I applaud her for that. Too many girls act like the sweetest girls in the world only to stab you in the back. At least with her I know she'll tell it to my face."

“Way to generalize women," Taehyung pointed out as he set his laptop up for the lecture, "And just because you don't say Jisoo's name, doesn't mean I don't know who you're talking about."

“Never said it was about her but if the shoe fits," Jimin shrugged and the subject dropped. When the professor came in Taehyung tried focusing his attention on the lecture but it was hard when Jimin picked perfect seats to stare at the primadonna.

Taehyung knew you, not well but he's spoken to you before in passing. What he does know is what Jisoo used to tell him. The same old story of two best friends in middle school who took completely different paths in high school and University. In Jisoo's own words, 'Y/n ditched me for her rich friends and next thing you know I'm a nobody. That's why I hate her. She's the type to chew you up and spit you out when she's done.'

Taehyung obviously believed her at first. Jisoo was a sweet, fine arts major he met through theatre. She was kind and caring and was the exact type of person to betray your trust once she had it. Under the pretense of the 'sweet Angel' nobody would suspect her to be as ugly on the inside as she considered Y/n to be. Clearly you had been friends for a reason, except this time Jisoo had been on the outside of this so called cruelty you possessed.

As he studied you, he realized it was true that you could've hopped off the runway and came to class. With your Chanel black mini skirt, pink Chanel sweater, and silver Chanel charm bracelet, Taehyung could easily confuse you with a brand ambassador instead of a college student. You were clearly materialistic but that's all he could say on your character. He was done believing anything Jisoo said to him.

"Would it kill you to take your own notes?" Mira asked you once the lecture had been done and all you had managed to do was draw hearts and scribble your name in your notebook the entire time. You cling to her arm as the two of you begin to leave the auditorium, "Because I'm dumb. You know math isn't for me, please? I don't understand a thing that stupid ass professor says. I only understand the way you dumb down your notes for me."

"Why don't you just get your dad to pay him off for A's?" Mira joked as the two of you got to the door pushing past a group of three guys with your arms looped together at the elbows. You let out a dramatic sigh, "I tried but apparently that's illegal. Besides, straight A's is unrealistic. I'm a straight C student at best."

"Plus, my bestie is, like, Edison or something—" "Einstein?" "Yeah, exactly. You're really smart and you love me so you should tutor me—"

"No way! I love you but you're version of studying is taking five minutes to write down your objective then take a thirty minute online shopping break," Mira said only half joking. You stomped a foot in mini tantrum, "Fine. You suck anyway."

"Whatever, let's go to lunch before I starve to death and Jungkook eats all my teriyaki chicken."

You realized early on school just wasn't for you. It's not that you purposely chose to fail majority of your classes but more so information just didn't stick in your brain. Nothing processed and if it did and you'd do homework the right way, you'd bomb the test still. Though if you're being honest, you're not sure if you're good at anything.

You don't have a job. You don't do well in school. You don't know how to rely on anything but your dad's money so basically, you're a good-for-nothing.

"Need help?" A voice cut into your self deprecating thoughts and made you look up to the owner of it. You recognized him but he better not ask if you remember his name because you don't.

"No," You shook your head a little too quick to wave him off before whipping back around to face him, "We're in math together with professor dipshit, right?"

Taehyung's brows furrowed, "I think so?"

"Alright then help me find this book" You basically demanded as you showed him your phone screen where the text was pulled up. He narrowed his eyes trying to recognize the text before turning to look at you again, "You know you can find that book online for free, right?"

"Yeah but that just ruins the whole academia aesthetic, don't you think?" You asked and it gave him the opportunity to check you out. Sure enough, you were in a black and cream colored Prada preppy look today. He shrugged, "I guess? Come on, I'll show you where it's at."

"Thanks, you're a total doll. What's your name again?" You asked going on your phone to send texts as he led you to the right aisle. "Taehyung," he answered simply and he needs to explain himself. Yes this is the first time he's gone out of his way to actually talk to you but he's got a reason for it. He was just minding his business sitting over at the desk right by the aisle you had been searching through. You were mumbling to yourself and with the clack of your Miu Miu shoes he just couldn't concentrate, therefore he wanted to help you find whatever you were looking for and send you on your way.

"I'm Y/n," you said a little too late for him to remember you two were talking. He already knew your name but no way in hell was he going to admit that. As he turned down the right book aisle, his face turned to show distaste. Just down the other end was Jisoo and Hoseok. You noticed him hesitate but you went ahead and walked through anyway acting as if Jisoo wasn't even there. You didn't care enough about her to pay her any mind. She, on the other hand, had to do a double take when she caught Taehyung walking in with you.

"It should be around here," Taehyung said pointing to one of the book cases trying to ignore Jisoo there. You nodded taking a step back to get a better look and Taehyung tried helping you so he wouldn't look over at Jisoo knowing she was staring. You smiled widely hurrying to get closer as you reach an arm out to point, "I found it. Hold on."

He watched you stretch your arm up but it was just barely out of reach of your manicured nails and he moved closer to grab it. His side rubbed against yours unintentionally and he brought it down in front of you to your grabby hands. You cheered, "Yay, okay I'm gonna go buy it—"

"You could just borrow it from the library, I don't think they sell the books here. You'll have to go to the bookshop and order it to be shipped," Taehyung tried explaining but you were already to focused on the textbook. You waved a hand at him, "I'll forget to bring it back. Plus, they'll sell it to me, I'm very charming."

And rich, Taehyung thought but he only nodded watching you head off with a sway in your hips and he was hurrying to get away as fast as possible.

"Tae?" Crap.

"Hey," Taehyung said. Jisoo really did have the audacity to talk to him while the homewrecker was there. Still, he won't give her the luxury of knowing he's still hurt. Jisoo looked down the other end of the aisle where she got a clear view of you at the front desk chatting up with the librarian giving her compliments left and right.

"It's funny to catch you here, are you, um, are you friends with Y/n?" He visibly rolled his eyes at that as he looked to Hoseok who looked equally as uncomfortable as he did.

He opened his mouth to speak but he was immediately cut off by a hand on his arm pulling him back. He turned quickly, eyes widening at you holding a textbook and receipt, "Told you I'd get it, it's because of my charms—"

"Or your daddy's money," Jisoo cut in suddenly looking just as surprised as everyone else but her words. She didn't mean to say that out loud. Before Taehyung could even react, your eyes narrowed almost venomously, "Jisoo, jealousy and rudeness is ugly, but you manage to pull it off, don't you?"

"Just as ugly as your personality," Jisoo argued but you only smiled. "I think we both know there's nothing ugly about me." Taehyung looked back to you and yeah, nothing ugly about you. Not at all.

Jisoo looked to Taehyung to see if he'd say anything but he wouldn't. He wasn't her protective boyfriend anymore, Hoseok was and he was currently checking you out too.

You turned to Taehyung abruptly, "Can you help me find this one too?" You held up your phone and showed him another. With a small nod he was leaving his ex girlfriend for you.

It wasn't until later on in the day that he had a chance to talk to his friends about what happened in the library. Jimin looked excited listening to Taehyung's tale of the library incident and he practically cheered him on. Jimin pushed against his lunch tray creating a clanking noise that echoed in the lunch room, "Okay, okay, I've got the smartest idea ever!"

"What?" Namjoon asked slightly amused, slightly bored. Jimin grinned, "Jisoo hates Y/n so much so you should make her jealous. Let her see that you upgraded and chose someone better! Y/n is literally the perfect candidate. Jisoo loathes her and clearly Y/n gets under her skin over anything an—"

"No, I see where you're getting at and my answer is no," Taehyung shook his head as he got to his feet holding his empty tray, "I'm not using Y/n to make Jisoo jealous. I don't care how she feels and Y/n doesn't deserve being used like that."

"Bu—" Taehyung shut him up when he left to go discard his tray and leave the lunchroom. Was Jimin crazy? He didn't need anyone to fake date for Jisoo to know he's not still hung up on her. He's not hung up on her, he just can't wrap his mind around getting cheated on. That's what hurts.

The next time he saw you was in class and this time you were joined with a second goon. A guy with facial piercings and arm tattoos. Taehyung will admit, he didn't peg that guy as one of your friends, but then he saw the Vivienne Westwood necklaces the guy wore and it all became clear.

This time it was you who approached him first, Mira and Jungkook behind you as he started packing up after the lecture. You flashed him a pearly white smile, "Do you have a minute?"

Jimin and Namjoon shared a look before they began heading out leaving Taehyung behind. He nodded looking to your two friends in confusion. You cut in front of his vision, "So I was wondering if there was any way, you might tutor me? Mira hates me and Jungkook is just as dumb as me and I'm desperate for some help. I'll pay you and it can be whenever you're free."

So much was said to him in so little time it took him a second to wrap his mind around it all. He laughed nervously, "Tutor? Um, I'm not sure if I'm really cut up for the task."

"Ugh, please? Please with a cherry on top? Pretty please? Please?" You repeated over and over again, "Please?"

"Alright, alright, when were you thinking of getting started?" He asked with a defeated sigh. He caved and now he understood how your charms worked. You smiled widely, "Yay and um, now? Today? Yesterday? ASAP? Are you busy right now?"

"Uh, no I was just gonna do some homework before my next class bu—" "Perfect, okay I'll see you guys later, Taehyung and I are gonna study," You waved off the other two and they left with small hugs. He was quickly realizing you of you wanted something, you wanted it now. He looked at you debating if he was amused or exasperated but he still nodded, "Alright, should we go to the library?"

"It's too stuffy in there, how about a café? I'm in desperate need of coffee."

So that's what happened. He joined you at a café and you ordered you both drinks and pastries and when he offered to pay, you waved him off. "So, did you take any notes from today's lecture?"

"Uh, about that. Professor Dipshit talks so fast and his handwriting is so ugly I just can't get it all down," you handed him your notebook and he couldn't help but smile despite his confusion. You did get some things down but on the sides of the pages were little doodles. He hid his smile, "Professor Choi does write ugly so that's understandable. And it's okay, you can copy my notes and just ask me questions about whatever you're confused about. I'm gonna try and do some assignments in the meantime."

Your eyes softened. Wow, he agreed with you instead of lecturing you. You nodded taking his laptop and writing down the notes. You didn't actually ask him that many questions but it's probably because he'd broken his notes down for himself and you could understand them. He was a couple years ahead of you but he was in the class and clearly smarter than you. Despite the study session going perfect without a hitch in the road, it seemed like Taehyung was just forced to relive the constant flashback of catching Jisoo with Hoseok.

You noticed right away how Taehyung seemed to stiffen at the sight and when Jisoo turned to look at him and then glare at you, you knew something was up. You leaned into him, "So what's the deal between you and Jisoo?"

His brows furrowed. Did you really not know? "We dated." That made you even more confused as you shamelessly checking him out. For some reason the look in your eyes as you did so was enough to boost his confidence that Jisoo tore down. "Really? You're way hotter than her."

"Uh, thanks? We just had very similar interests and I don't know. It just happened," Taehyung said even though you didn't ask. You simply nodded in understanding before letting the topic drop. Taehyung took notice of the way you didn't try and talk about her more and it was like a breath of fresh air but he just had to know more. "So, uh, in the library the other day. You two were kind of hostile toward each other. Do you know her well too?"

You didn't shy away from talking despite Jisoo just feet away telling her order to the cashier. You wouldn't care if she heard you either. As a matter of fact, you hope she can hear you. You nodded, "We used to be classmates and we were super close around middle school until one day we got into this huge fight before high school. She said I would always leave her out to hang with Mira and Jungkook. I tried asking her to hang out and I'd even offer to pay and stuff but I guess it just wasn't enough. I felt bad because I didn't mean to make her feel that way but I guess I'm just an awful person so whatever. We drifted apart in high school and that was the end of that."

Taehyung was actually surprised with how open you were about things. He's not sure what made him be so open despite his embarrassment, "She cheated on me with Jung Hoseok."

"That bitch!" You said much louder than expected and heads turned including Jisoo's. Her brows furrowed and before Taehyung could tell you to bring it down, Jisoo was walking over with a plastered fake smile. "Funny seeing you two here."

"What do you want?" You asked looking up at her as Taehyung did too. Your hand was awfully close to his and as if sensing Jisoo's focus on it, you went ahead and reached for it and put your hand over his. He looked down at the way your small hand rested over his and he turned to Jisoo immediately.

"I was just surprised to see you two, I didn't know you were friends with Y/n, Tae," Jisoo said and he could tell she was annoyed. You rolled your eyes, "I'm confused, does it look like we care at all about what you don’t know?"

"Was I talking to you?" Jisoo asked narrowing her eyes at you before looking to Taehyung who didn't say anything. You smiled sweetly squeezing his hand, "You were talking around me so I answered. If you don't like it then that's not really my problem now is it?"

Taehyung bit his lip turning to Jisoo, "Y/n let's go somewhere else. It's crowded in here." Jisoo didn't move back as the two of you stood and Taehyung looked bored looking at her and it just confused her more and more. Since when were you Taehyung's type? You smiled and left.

"God, I can't stand cheaters," you said once you two were outside in the cold air that had you shivering. You turned to him immediately, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. And sorry for holding your hand. I wanted her to get mad."

Taehyung was beginning to realize you weren't a bitch. Okay, scratch that, you kinda were but it wasn't for no reason. You were just brazenly honest and outspoken. You didn't care about being confronted and you didn't back down from it either. Yeah, you came off intimidating but you actually weren’t. Maybe you were just misunderstood.

"So, uh, just kick me in the balls if this is rude to say but... uh... clearly Jisoo seeing me with you pisses her off," Taehyung began and you were already amused, "So uh... you know... uh... I just don't want her to think I'm still hung up on her. And... I don't know—"

"Want me to be your fake girlfriend to make her regret ever cheating on someone as hot as you?" You said it like it was a small favor, "Yeah sure."

He practically short circuited trying to understand everything you said. Well you sure knew how to make a guy confident about his looks and he appreciated that. He's never been an insecure guy but after getting cheated on he's become one. Just constantly thinking about how he wasn't good enough. Still, he stares at you, "Really? Why are you so okay with me using you to make her jealous?"

"Because I don't care," you shrugged, "My dad’s always badgering me about a stupid boyfriend he approves but I don’t really care. And also I hate cheaters. Plus I'm bored and it sounds fun making someone who hates me just hate me more."

He couldn't believe everything you said. No, he didn't believe it. He's convinced you're playing a part, the primadonna. The 'big ego, no cares in the world, everything her way' type. It made it seem like you didn't have any dimension and he knew you did. Still, the vengeful side of him wanted to make her pay, "Okay, then that's my payment for tutoring you. Deal?"

"Let me pay you in cash," you said but he shook his head already walking ahead of you.

      So it started. He came over to your penthouse apartment the next day in clear awe by everything inside it and the pool on the balcony. There was even someone in the kitchen cooking. You led him further in pointing to the woman in the kitchen, "Lee this is my boyfriend Taehyung. Taehyung this is Lee, she makes wonderful food."

The woman bowed in greeting and he did the same before following you up the marble staircase to the second floor.

"Sorry, Lee works for my dad so I made sure to say you're my boyfriend. I just love getting under his skin," you explained as he joined you in one of the rooms upstairs. It didn't seem like your bedroom since it was missing a bed but instead looked like an upstairs living room. He just nodded, "Are you close with your dad?"

"Not really," you said with a shrug already on your phone, "He just buys me whatever I want because he’s a shitty dad.”

jungkook: yacht party on Saturday

jungkook: who's coming

yoongi: not me. I'm planning on sleeping all weekend

mira: sleep with the sharks

you: me and my boyf :p

jungkook: WHOOOOO

you: :p

"What about your mom?" He asked trying to understand you better but the more you spoke the more confused he was. You came off as spoiled and a snob but at the same time you didn’t. Alright, you probably were spoiled but there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the snob part that gets hate and now that he’s talked to you, you don’t even seem like that. You didn't bother looking up at him as you smiled at your friends responses. You shrugged, "Left one day after catching my dad sleeping with his secretary."

Well that explains why you're so willing to help make his cheating ex jealous. But still, he kinda felt bad involving you now. "Y/n—"

"I know so cliché," you rolled your eyes cutting him off before he could get sappy, "Like couldn't he cheat with anyone other than his secretary? Lacks originality if you ask me."

"Okay, here's the plan," you said smiling now and he almost couldn't keep up with your mood change, "Yacht party this weekend. We'll take couple pics, post on your socials and make sure Jisoo sees them. We'll probs have to post a kissing one or something to seem more believable."

"Why are you doing this?" He asked but you didn't even flinch. "What do you mean?"

"I mean come on, you say you're doing it cause you're bored and you want your dad to think you're in a relationship but why?" He asked moving closer to you so you couldn't hide behind your phone, "Why are you helping me? If you wanted your dad to think you're dating, you could have any guy you want. Isn't there someone you're into? I just feel bad using you."

“You’re not using me,” You rolled your eyes as if to say he was the one being unreasonable, "And because all the guys on campus are just... ugh. At least you're cute and not using me as a bragging right. Though if you do I'll hire someone to kill you and hide the body."

Part of him wanted to say he changes his mind. He can't use you for his stupid revenge because it wasn't it. The other part of him knew how much you got under Jisoo's skin and he wanted her to feel angry about it. He wanted her to see that he did in fact trade her in for someone better and he wants her to hurt like he did. Who better to use than the girl everyone loves and loves to hate? He knows he's being petty but it's just not fair. What did he lack that made Jisoo cheat on him?

On Saturday he felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb. Everyone was in designer swimwear including yourself while he wore something from the department store. Of course you told him it didn't matter because you were hotter than the other guys and it did make him feel a little better but not much. He tried not to think about how shameless you were with compliments. He wasn't going to be one of those guys who falls for you. Everyone knows you’re a heartbreaker and he can see why. You’re just so… he can’t explain it, there’s just something about you and it wasn’t just your looks or your money. Still, he’s gotta not let what you say get to his head. You said it yourself, you're only doing this cause you're bored so he needs to take what you say lightly.

"So you're Y/n's new boy toy," Yoongi said shortly after you introduced them to each other before leaving to take pictures with some of your other friends. Taehyung stood against the railing of the yacht when Yoongi approached him. His eyes narrowed clearly taking offense to that, "And you are?"

"I'm one of Y/n's friends, Yoongi," the guy said in greeting and Taehyung just nodded making him laugh, "Relax. I was kidding. Well I wasn't but who cares. Where is Y/n anyway?"

Taehyung pointed you out just as you took a picture with two guys and Yoongi smacked his lips, "Better be careful. Y/n's a slippery one. She gets bored easily." The guy left at that and though Taehyung didn't want to listen to him he suddenly grew worried. You were supposed to be fake dating, right? So he should be the one taking pictures with you. Yeah, that's right. He's here to make Jisoo jealous and he can't do that from all the way over here.

"Let's take a picture," Taehyung said confidently entrusting Mira with his cellphone cutting in between you and the other guys who glared at him. "Taehyungie!" You threw your arms around his neck, "Everyone move, I need pictures with my boyfriend."

Hey. Why'd he like that? Jisoo hated PDA and though he wasn't a huge fan, he liked people knowing he was in a relationship despite how private it might be. Just so people could back off though that never stopped Hoseok. The first picture was cute, a simple smiling one and the second was of you cupping his chin forcing him to make a pout with mad eyebrows while you smiled brightly. Jisoo always took serious pictures and it was always a one and done thing.

Next, he surprised himself by kissing your forehead as you smiled into the camera, hand on his chest while his was around your waist. It’s just, he could acting affectionate with you even if it’s fake. With Jisoo everything they did was always stiff. He was beginning to understand how he wasn’t as happy with Jisoo at the end of the relationship.

Mira groaned, "Ugh how many more? You two are making me sick."

"One more," you said and before Taehyung could figure out what the next one was, you were leaning up to plant a kiss on his lips. He reacted almost immediately, bringing you closer letting himself kiss you back. It was longer than necessary for a picture. You pulled away turning to Mira and taking Taehyung's phone. You began scrolling through the pictures while Taehyung wiped your lip gloss off the corners of his numb lips. It felt like every guy on the boat was glaring at him, and they were.

The next time you two acted like a couple was at a party. Taehyung was nervous at first because he knew Jisoo would be here and probably with Hoseok. You were dressed in a lavender colored mini dress that hugged your curves in all the right places. It was hard for him not to notice you when you just grabbed everyone’s attention.

“Jisoo’s here,” you whispered into his ear as his arm went around your waist. So far, Jisoo hasn’t seen you two outwardly act like a couple. She did look at Taehyung’s Instagram story where he posted the two pictures where you kissed and cupped his face in a cute way. Still there’s no way to tell how she felt about it but now she’d get a good view of them now.

Jimin and Namjoon seemed just as surprised as everyone else when he posted those pictures of you and when they came over they looked ready to ask all the questions. You must’ve sensed it because with a press of your lips on his cheek you were moving away, “I’m gonna get a drink.”

He waited for you to go before turning to his friends. Jimin smacked his arm, “You sneaky little shit! Never though to tell us how you managed to pull Y/n. I thought she wasn’t your type.”

“I never said that,” Taehyung said nervously as he felt Jisoo’s stare at him from across the floor. The music was loud and there were a lot of people but you didn’t seem shy at all. He knows this isn’t your scene. Your scene is parties on a yacht and beach parties, not college parties in someone’s dingy apartment. Still, he’s thankful you didn’t seem all that bothered by it. Sure, the second you walked you basically gagged at the smell of beer and sweat but you’ve been holding up pretty well. Even if he did see you pull out a hand wipe to rid yourself of germs and clutched your wallet closer. Now your wallet is in his pocket. God Forbid anything happened to your dad’s Gold and Black express card for the ultra rich.

“Well you sure as hell acted like it whenever I talked about my Queen. Also, kinda mad at you for stealing my crush but I forgive you because you’ve been having shitty luck with girls,” Jimin said and that made Taehyung gulp. How can he tell his best friend you’re only fake dating? Sure, Jimin had originally come up with the idea but it’s embarrassing to actually go through with it.

“I know Jisoo is shitting bricks over it,” Namjoon said with a little laugh, “She hates Y/n.”

Jisoo had always been one of those ‘peace&love’ girlies who preached positivity and women supporting women. Yet she never had a problem ranting to Taehyung about how materialistic and a bitch you were. She’d practically slut shame you any chance she had and Taehyung wouldn’t do anything but listen to his girlfriend complain. Now he obviously feels bad for not speaking up but what would he have even said when he knew nothing about you at the time to form his own opinion?

He also notices that Jisoo was more obsessed with talking about you than you were with her. It’s like you didn’t even talk about her unless it was about him and he found himself happy to know you were defensive and sort of protective over him.

“Talking about me?” You asked sauntering over in your pretty dress that made Taehyung bring his cup to his lips to avoid from letting his jaw drop. Jimin practically stuttered, “I-I’m Jimin.”

You smiled almost teasingly, “I know. TaeTae talks about you two all the time.” They looked at Taehyung with furrowed brows as if asking, TaeTae? but all he did was shrug. He’s getting used to it but he won’t deny it sounded way more affectionate than Tae—which was what Jisoo called him. Plus it seemed like the exact kind of nickname you’d call him like when you call your friends baby or refer to strangers as Queen, Kings, and Royals for inclusivity. You talked like a California valley girl always saying ‘like’ or ‘duh’ sometimes ‘obvi’.

“Give me,” Taehyung reached for your cup and you tilted it against his lips but you took him by surprise when you pressed your lips against his practically taking back whatever was poured down his throat. It was nasty but in a hot way and it definitely caused a shock factor.

His friends in particular looked a mixtures off confused and slightly intrigued or jealous but he wasn’t thinking about that right now. Namjoon was the first to look away, “I need a drink,” and Jimin followed.

“Is Jisoo still looking?” You said between a kiss and it took him a second to process what you had said, still kissing you. He pulled away, “Hm?”

“Jisoo Dummy, is she still staring?” You asked, hand on his neck trailing down over his shirt almost teasingly. He brought his cup up to quench his dry throat as his eyes scanned over the group of people and sure enough, she was. Oh yeah. That’s why you kissed. Haha.

“Yeah,” he said pressing his lips against yours again, a little tongue poking out to lick against yours one last time before pulling away. This time, instead of wiping your gloss off himself, you ran your thumb over his soft lips until it was off him.

“Careful baby,” you said with that teasing smile as his hand rested on your lower back just above your butt, “Kiss me again and I think you might fall for me.”

“Can’t have that, can we? You’ll break my heart,” he’s not sure why he said that nor why it bothered him that you didn’t deny it.

You two stayed against the wall for majority of the night. His hands kept finding ways to touch you and you did the same. It was easy to believe you were a real couple aside from your occasional comments about someone being hot that did get under his skin just a little. He just had to keep reminding himself none of it was real. That you were simply doing him a favor.

He wasn’t paying enough attention to his surroundings when a group of people passed extremely close to you two. It wasn’t until one of the girls passing had been shoved by her friend, and clear liquid went flying straight toward you two, mostly you. It seemed to go quiet for a second as your jaw dropped in clear shock. The cold liquid smelled of Vodka and it splashed onto the top of your dress down your cleavage.

“Oh my god, Y/n, I’m so sorry,” the girl stuttered holding her empty cup. Taehyung stiffened as your eyes turned razor sharp glaring at the girl. The nice smile you once had replaced by a deep scowl. Taehyung reached for you but you shooed his hands away. Without another word you tilted your cup splashing her with alcohol too and everyone gasped but no one said anything to you. You crushed the cup dropping it on the floor as you smiled tightly, “There, we’re even right?”

The girl didn’t say anything, still holding her wet clothes away from her body. Hers had been an accident but yours was completely on purpose. Though, everyone knows you could’ve handled that much more viciously so nobody argued. You looked at her, “Right?”

“Right,” she mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you said, “But maybe you should get friends who don’t get you in trouble, right?”

“Y/n,” Taehyung said but you brushed him off. “I want to go, now.” He nodded pushing off the wall and leaving with you, “You didn’t have to do th—“

“I don’t care,” you said walking ahead of him to the door, “It was her fault anyway.”

“Yeah bu—“

“Oh my God Taehyung I don’t need you lecturing me. I don’t care. I don’t feel bad and nothing you say will change my mind. If you don’t like it then you can leave me alone,” you said crudely. It was like a flip was switched and this was the first time Taehyung saw firsthand how mean you could be.

“I don’t care about what you say either then,” Taehyung didn’t back down as the two of you went to his car, “I know you regret blowing up because you’re not a mean person unless provoked.”

You scoffed, “That’s what you thin—“

“I know,” he argued, “So stop making yourself the bad guy because you’re upset. It was an accident and you know it.”

“If you’re not gonna shut up about it then I’ll just walk home,” you said stubbornly and it was driving him crazy. But he wasn’t regretting being with you? He knows you’re not mean like that. You just snapped before you could think and because everyone’s used to it they didn’t expect anything different. You’re not like that. Not once since he’s hung out with you have you been rude to anyone but Jisoo so he refuses to believe you’re just a bitch because you can be.

His silence was annoying you and so you turned and started walking. He wanted to rip his hair out. Why were you being so difficult and why did he care about his pretend girlfriend acting out? He groaned in frustration as he went after you. “Y/n, get your ass in the car.”

“No,” you said but before you could make it another step, an arm was around your waist pulling you back and your feet lifted off the ground. “Put me down!”

“Alright, once we get to the car,” he said carrying you to it, “You wanna be rude that’s fine but you’re not doing it with me. So sit down and drop the attitude. I’m taking you home.”

He huffed in annoyance as he slammed your door shut and made his way around to his side. There’s no way his pretend girlfriend was getting him so worked up. And why was he putting up with the attitude when he could’ve easily let you go?

     It went on like this for a few days. For some reason, you were a great pretender. Nobody could even tell you weren't actually dating, not even Jimin or Namjoon. And okay, one could say you actually were together but you both knew that's not true. When he went shopping with you, you shamelessly flirted with another guy in front of him. It's not like any of them knew about your deal so you didn't care. He didn't care either. You urged him to get the number of one of the baristas one day while studying and he's not sure why but he did. He never even called or texted the girl. And you two seemed to just never speak about what happened at the party. The next day you were all smiles on FaceTime showing him all the clothes and shoes you’d just bought and he was telling you which ones were his favorite.

He knew it really was getting under Jisoo's skin, mostly because she wasn't hiding it. Suddenly she's bumping into him all the time, trying to talk to him, anything when after they broke up she avoided him. It drove her crazy knowing he was with you, especially after the night of the party

Taehyung hated rude people and yet he let you get away with being a snobby bitch at the party. Of course she didn’t know how he gladly told you what you did was wrong but she hated that he just… didn’t care? One time Jisoo was rude to a sever because she was on her period and Taehyung was genuinely upset with her because of it. Why did you just get to get away with it? He just seemed willing to put up with you more than he ever did with Jisoo.

And now he was having dinner with you and your dad at some expensive restaurant with aquariums between every booth. He'd never even met Jisoo's parents in the two years he dated her. He tried not to talk too much but your father was relentless, "So Taehyung, what do your parents do?"

"You don't have to answer that," you said and for some reason, Taehyung was able to notice your bitter mood today. Your dad scoffed, "He does if he's going to date my daughter."

"They're farmers sir," Taehyung said and suddenly it went quiet with you looking at him now too. Your father just nodded, "Farming? Are they part of the Agriculture Union?"

"No sir, they are independently farmers. We only have an acre of farm land but since we lived in the countryside it supplies us really well," Taehyung told him despite sensing your father's disapproval. Why would you choose him if your dad clearly didn't like anything he was saying? He felt his nerves growing as if he should seek your father's approval even if you weren't actually dating.

"Oh my God," you said suddenly, "I wanna visit some time." He didn't know if you were being serious or not but he took pride in it anyway. Your father on the other hand, snickered, "You can't wear Jimmy Choo's in dirt. You wouldn't survive a day doing hard labor. So tell me Taehyung... and you can be honest with me. I prefer it that way."

"Why are you with my daughter?" He asked Taehyung, "What does some farm boy probably here on a scholarship want with Y/n? Hoping to leach off her allowance?"

"Wow dad, way to be supportive," you said suddenly, "You know what? Why don't you write a check and send him on his way, while you're at it. And don't say you haven't done that before."

"For your own good. You love to help the less fortunate and then what happens? You get bored and come crawling back asking for a new handbag," your dad said looking to Taehyung now, "You hear that? She trades in boys as much as she does shoes so if you think some guy from a small farm has a ch—"

"Y/n, we're leaving," Taehyung stood suddenly, "Get your things and let's go."

Your dad only laughed some more as you quickly stood never seeing Taehyung so serious. He took your hand in his while the other went to your lower back and he turned to glare at your father, "You know, not everything is about money and if you realized that sooner then you'd understand what it means to want to be with someone because you care about them. And I doubt you have the decency to treat any woman with respect enough to love them and not tear them down."

You didn't even have time to process what Taehyung just said before he was pulling you away. It wasn't until the two of you were outside that he cracked, "Fuck Y/n I am so sorry. I am so sorry, fuck I didn't mean to talk to your dad like that but it just pissed me off so much. He has no right to talk about you in that way even if he's your father, not after everything he's done to ruin your family an—Oh God, I am so fucking sorry."

"I'm sorry."

He quite literally froze on the spot. He turned to you with confused written all over his face and it wasn't until he paid closer attention that he realized you were crying. Oh fuck he's made you cry. Immediately he went to you, "Hey, hey, look I'm sorry. I have no right to say anything about you or your family. You can tell your dad you dumped me for being rude an—"

"I don't care about that," you said pushing him away, "I'm sorry that he said those things about you and your parents. It was mean and you didn't deserve that. It's what he does. He knows every woman in his life can't stand him and I'm the only one he has control over so he ruins everything. He should've never brought it u—"

He shut you up the only way he knew how now. With his hands cupping your face and his lips pressed against yours. He didn't care what your dad said and how much money he had. How could a guy not born into money care about things like that? After blowing up on your dad instead of being mad, you cried because you thought your dad hurt his feelings. You put him first before yourself even if your dad punished you for Taehyung's outburst. Maybe that's why you chose to go along with Taehyung, because your dad was the way he was but he didn't care. All he cared about was how everyone painted you the bitch, the primadonna, the spoiled one when deep down you actually cared a lot. And okay, yes, you could be mean, he gets that now and he’s willing to get you to not let your emotions run your mood with everyone.

Neither one of you seemed to care about being on the sidewalk until a car honked at the two of you and you were pulling away. He took your hand, "I'll take you home."

The ride was quiet but not in a bad way. There was like a shift in the atmosphere and Taehyung didn't want you to go. So, when he pulled up to your apartment and you hesitated, "Want to come in?" He was quick to say. "Let me park."

He didn't even give you time to respond before he was driving away to the parking garage. Once he found a spot the two of you stepped out and headed up the elevator neither saying anything now. When you unlocked your front door you asked, "Want anything to drink?"

It seems like neither one of you were ready to actually say anything more other than what was surface level. Still, the both of you seemed to be walking the usual path upstairs but instead of staying in the living room you walked to your bedroom. He followed after and watched you sit on your bed. You pat the spot next to you and he's quick to sit. This time, you're the one to make the move bringing his lips to hers. He only pecked your lips softly, testing the waters for this moment right here.

As if finding the answers he captured your lips in an intense kiss letting himself melt into it. It's kind of like the first kiss you shared on the yacht. Your hand was on his neck now as his lips started moving against yours hungrily. You could barely match his pace despite initiating the kiss. It made you smile into at the thought that he was eager.

Taehyung soon parted your lips slightly with his and you felt his wet tongue dart out to slide against mine gently.

You began leaning back making him follow after you until you were lying in your bed with Taehyung hovering over you. He pulled back looking down at you with round eyes. You smiled, "Why'd you stop?"

He laughed softly at your forwardness before remembering your current situation. He dipped his head lower until his mouth pressed against your neck. He lifted his hand off the bed slipping towards your jaw as he grabbed it and titled your head backwards to get better access. Your lips came up around him making him lay between them and making the kiss a little more intimate. He kissed up to your neck until he was at your jaw.

Taehyung left soft kisses along the curve of your before breaking away to meet your lips again. Your hands ran over his shirt until you were inching it up his back forcing him to step back until you took it off him. He smiled, "It's just like you to get straight to the point."

"Right now I want you. Can't I show it?" you asked and for some reason that made his heart jump. He didn't say anything instead reaching for your shirt and lifting it off too. He could be just as forward as you. His hands were at your sides immediately trailing to your rib cage as he leaned back down to capture you in a kiss again.

He slid them over your bra and without thinking, squeezed a little. His eyes were closed so he felt around blindly when you pushed them further into his hands as he slid it down.

To be honest, you didn't expect him to be as forward as he was but you definitely liked it. Never one to shy away from getting sexual you were pulling on your skirt making him moved down to help you take it off. He went ahead and unbuttoned his jeans too kicking them off before moving to crawl over you again. Before he could you were pushing him down and straddling his lap moving to untie your bra leaving you in just your underwear. His eyes darted to look at every exposed part of your body not shy to stare are your breasts in awe. His lips parted slightly as you leaned back down connecting yours to them.

He let his hands cup your tits feeling the softness of them on his palms, digging his fingers in just slightly. Taehyung's hips began to move on their own, lightly bucking against you. Your underwear was tiny, barely covering anything and yet it's what he expected you to wear. Not that he's thought about you naked, maybe. But it's just that you're the bold type and that's what made you attractive. With only your underwear and his in the way, he could feel almost everything including the way he was basically humping right between your entrance toward your clit. The makeout was quickly escalating and his member was hardening rather quickly.

You moaned softly as his thumbs ran over your nipples and his tongue teased yours slightly messy. Taehyung's covered member was hitting against your clit to the point where you found yourself matching his movements. You wanted him now and for more than just kissing, so you began to slide off him. His head follows yours so the kiss wouldn't break but you pushed against his chest to keep him down. Your hand traces down his body and reaches the over his clothed cock palming him firmly. Taehyung instantly sighs at the touch letting himself relax back down.

Your head reaches his dick and you slowly pull down his briefs solely focused on what you were about to do exposing his hard dick. You smiled looking up at him anything but innocent. He waits to see what you do next and his breath hitched as you reach for his member bringing it closer to your face. Just like that, your tongue was licking along the length.

When you reached the tip you put in your mouth, lips suctioning around the head letting your tongue swipe against the slit. He was in Head Heaven, your mouth felt so warm and wet. His hand moved into your hair not pulling it just keeping your head in place when you began to bob. Your jaw relaxed some more and you were able to move your tongue down his side playing with the extra skin.

"Fuck" Taehyung moans, "You're sucking my cock so good, fuck Y/n." His hand started to bob your head up and down at a faster pace while your hand made a fist around what ever didn't fit in your mouth. His hips met your mouth soft making him hit the back of your throat and he watched closely as you took him in. He wouldn't last long, "I'm close."

You made sure to add more tongue as you wanted him to break apart in your mouth and went rougher. He gripped your hair even tighter, and that excited you knowing he was close. As if reading your mind, he was tapping your cheek lightly, "I want you to ride me. Now."

You didn't pull back even as he moved to sit up making him hiss in pleasure, "Y/n, wait..." Your hand lowered to his balls and with that he knew he had to have you now. He was gripping your hair lightly pulling you back with his hand on your arm to lift you and this time you moved. "Condom?" He asked you and you went straight to your nightstand to grab one.

He took it from you patting your thigh letting you know he wanted you on the bed now. You lied on your pillows as he slipped the condom on stroking himself gently as he made his way between your legs. One hand pushed against the bed near your head and his other lined his member with your pussy. Taehyung's hair was covering your view of his eyes but you could see the way he licks his lips, his tip pressing against your clit watching your hips buck up for more friction. Without wasting another member, he was costing his cock with your slick and sinking into your entrance slowly. His eyes train on yours as he slowly starts moving his hips testing to see how much he could move. You wrapped a hand behind his neck making him lean down and his hips began moving more firmly. His knees pressed into the mattress just below your vent legs and he thrusted more intentionally now.

Taehyung's chest pressed against your t his head fall between your shoulder and neck but turned his head to capture your lips. You moaned bro find a hand down to his lower back, "Harder."

That made him groan, sucking harshly on your neck as he began a rhythmic stroke, roughly fucking you. Neither one of you were necessarily talkers during sex but with the mix of grunts and moans there wasn't much to be said. You both felt so fucking good and your legs wrapped around his waist trapping him in to brutally fuck you.

"Fuck," he growled, hand suddenly going behind your head forcing it against his neck as he lifted your body every time he rocked into you. You couldn't help but moan at the sudden aggressiveness and welcomed it eagerly. You were close. You haven't had sex in a couple months and Taehyung just felt so good. You've been worked up since the second you started making out.

"I'm gonna cum," you panted sound muffled against his hot neck but his hand gripped your hair pulling you away.

"Kiss me," he all but demanded changing his rhythm to be slow but still rough letting you feel every inch. You did as told kissing him hard as he began rutting up his entire body to get deeper, hitting all the right places.

"Cum," he whispered against your lips and it was the only thing you needed to hear before tightening your walls around him with a whine. He groaned loudly against your lips, falling right behind you releasing into the condom. Your body trembled slightly coming down from your high and he let you cling to him.

He pulled away from your bruising lips looking down at you all fucked out. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he moved his hand from behind your head and pushed against the bed to lift himself out.

You just sighed clearly exhausted but in a good way, shimmying up your bed and combing your hair out of your face.

Taehyung took the condom off tying the end and throwing it on the floor unsure what to do. Did you want him to stay or leave? He would like to stay and possibly get some post-sex intimacy but he's not sure if you're about that. You flashed him one of your infamous smiles and reached a hand out to him. He moved to lie down next to you pulling the blanket over the both of you as you attempted to catch your breaths.

You snuggle up to his side on his arm and the other he brings behind his head looking down at you. With the hand behind your head he started playing with your hair.

He couldn't tell if this pent-up hunger for sex of if it was something more. Is he ready for it to be more? Do you even want it to be more? It was hard to tell how you felt because up until this point you've passive with your emotions. You radiated the idea of being carefree and he wonders if this was one of those times you're just doing what you want.

"We've got that exam in class tomorrow," Taehyung said instead of asking what he really wanted to know. He's scared if he talks about anything else you'll draw back. You groaned into his chest, "Don't remind me."

"I've gotta, as your tutor it's my job," he said with a smirk when you rolled your eyes.

You walked into the lecture the next day talking with Jungkook. Taehyung had his last class end early so he got to the room quicker than you. You do sit near each other but mostly because you two were apparently dating. Your friends didn't know that it had all started because you and Taehyung were talking about Jisoo. You're not sure how it's escalated into what it is now and you also don't know how to feel about it all.

You took the seat next to him with Jungkook on your right and Taehyung looked just as hesitant saying hi to you as you did him. Jimin and Namjoon came in moments later waving to you. With that, Taehyung took your hand in his under the table and tried ignoring how awkward it felt. After what happened last night Taehyung ended up leaving. You two talked for a while but laying together like suddenly felt awkward and it was clear you two were done seeing each other.

Taehyung just had so much to think about. He couldn't understand how he felt about everything happening. At first, when Jisoo dumped him that's all he could think about. How she could sit there and admit she cheated and then dump her like it was completely her choice. You've always been in the back of his head but never in the forefront. Now that you were he just felt indifferent and guilty. Indifferent because he's clearly into your but he's not sure if he's ready for that.

It's only been about three months since the breakup and you came along a month after it happened. Can anyone see why he feels indifferent? He likes you but he wasn't in the right place to ask you to be his pretend girlfriend and even though he likes to think it was a mutual thing, he brought it up first.

But he also feels guilty because he doesn't want you thinking he slept with you and did all this for a rebound. Having sex with you wasn't something that had been on his mind despite his attraction toward. Of course he thought you were attractive from before he ever approached you. You were the type that someone passing will notice and with Jisoo always bringing you up with Jimin it was hard for him to ignore. There has just always been something intriguing about you and he can't deny that. But he never thought about sex.

Even when he got closer to you it had just been about him liking getting to know you. You weren't afraid to be loud or do something funny and that's how he was too. He found himself smiling whenever you did something. He liked talking to you and letting you go on rants about literally anything that annoyed you even the slightest.

Still, it wasn't until after last night when he had dinner with his dad did he realize just how much it is now. He was able to suppress it till now but he's not sure he can go back after sleeping with you.

Once the exam was complete he took your hand in his, “Can we talk?”

“We can do whatever, we’re dating right?” You said it out loud before turning to Jungkook and Mira, “I’ll see you later.”

Taehyung’s friends left too and suddenly it was just you. You left the lecture hall and moved your hand out of his to take your lip gloss out of your bag. You held a compact mirror out as you reapplied a thin layer to your lips and smacked them in a kiss. He didn’t say anything but his curiosity was killing him. You were clearly acting distant.

“So what do you want to say?” You asked him and he just bit his lower lip. He’s not sure he can say anything now. You didn’t seem to be in the best mood today and he’s worried you’ll suddenly tell him to fuck off or something. Why do you confuse him so damn much?

“Nevermind,” he sighed, “I’ve gotta get to class.”

“Whatever.”

That made him freeze, hand on his backpack strap debating if he really should just talk to you. No. He can’t. You’re in a fake relationship, right? Minus the benefit that is. So he just left in defeat.

“Are you two in a fight?” Mira asked you the following Friday at another party. The only reason you came is because Mira was hooking up with the guy throwing it and you had nothing better to do. It’s not that you’ve been avoiding Taehyung but you know you’ve been distant. You’re really only show affection to him around Jisoo but it doesn’t matter. You’re not actually dating. It’s all pretend. You’re just bored and having sex was a one time thing due to your emotions being high because of your stupid ass dad.

Real relationships are stupid and too much work.

You’ll admit you didn’t think about him being at this party so you didn’t even bring it up. Now he’s standing across the room looking at you. You just turned away, “No, just tired of him at the moment.”

“I don’t believe you but whatever,” Mira said with a shrug, “Let’s go look at what to drink.”

“Finally tired of him?” Jungkook asked with a laugh, “I figured. He didn’t seem like your type.”

“Why?” You asked suddenly defensive, “He’s hot.”

“Yeah but he’s actually a good person. You? Not so mu—ow!” He groaned when you pulled on his ear. “Talk to me like that again.”

“Please, not like I’m lying,” Jungkook shrugged you off.

“Go talk to Y/n,” Namjoon told Taehyung, “I don’t know why you two are fighting but go work it out.”

He wanted to argue and say no but he’s supposed to be your boyfriend. He had to care that you two were fighting and so he left his friends to go to you. “Y/n.”

“What?” You asked turning away from your friends. He sighed, “Come here.”

You did as told going over to him, “What?”

“Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Why are you so distant?” He rushed every question on his mind out, “Was it because of the other night?”

“Sure.”

Your response made him scoff, “No. Don’t brush me off. Answer my questions.”

“I don’t want to,” you said with a sigh looking around, “I need a drink so I’m gonna go.”

He reached for your hand but you were already gone. With a groan in frustration he turned away immediately. He needed some air to think and so he walked passed his friends to the balcony door with a sign that said nobody could go through.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Taehyung couldn’t help the way his eyes rolled in annoyance ignoring Jisoo. Still, she came over to where he was against the railing, “What do you want?”

“It looked like you and Y/n were arguing so I wanted to come check on you,” Jisoo said and it only made Taehyung more mad. He huffed, “Well it’s none of your business so you can go.”

“I still care about you Tae,” Jisoo confessed moving even closer to him, “And I don’t like that she’s getting you worked up.”

“Just shut up,” he said with little patience for his ex girlfriend. He wasn’t even thinking about her right now. He was thinking about you. “You can’t care about me after what you did. So if you think I care at all about what you think, you’re dead wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” she began to cry, “I’m so sorry and you have no idea how much I regret doing what I did. I miss you so much and seeing you with Y/n drives me insane. I can’t stand seeing her treat you like this and make you mad.”

“Jisoo, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I don’t care,” Taehyung said bitterly, “You cheated on me so I don’t care if you miss me or regret it.”

“I’m sorry!” She kept going, “I swear I didn’t mean to. I just, I thought you didn’t love me anymore and I wasn’t thinking. But please, I regret it. I regret it every day and Y/n doesn’t deserve you.”

“She gets everything she wants and she uses people to get what she wants. When she’s done she just throws them away and I don’t want to see that happen to you,” she moved closer to him, almost touching him backing Taehying into the corner of the balcony.

“She’s mean Taehyung. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and please, please just take me back,” she said. Taehyung scoffed ready to tell her to fuck off when she did the unthinkable. Her lips pressed against his and before he could process what was happening, the door was swinging open.

“Tae—“ he pushed Jisoo away glaring down at her when he caught sight of the open door. There you stood looking anything but happy. “Y/n,” he made a move to go to you, heart racing out of his chest but you were leaving. He was going after you, Jisoo clinging to his shirt, “Wait—“

“Get off me!” He yelled, angry for real this time, “Don’t you get that I don’t want you? I don’t care how you feel. I don’t care what you think and I can’t believe you just did that!”

“Bu—“

“No, just stop. Y/n’s not the problem, you are. You’re a fucking cunt Jisoo,” Taehyung said honestly, “And I love Y/n way more than I’ve ever loved you and you just fucked up my chances at getting her back. I can’t stand you, do you get that? You didn’t deserve me and I’m happy I see that now because you’re an awful person.”

He knows he was being mean but it was just built up frustration toward her that was finally coming out, “And you’re a dirty cheater and I’ll make sure to remind Hoseok of that. Now move.”

He left with that running back into the apartment looking for you.

“Where’s Y/n?” He asked Jimin in a rush. Jimin pointed to the front door, “She just left. What’s go—Tae!”

He ran out the door calling out to you, “Y/n!”

You were already on the street as he chased after you. “Just stop Taehyung. You wanna run back to your cheating ex. Just do it. I don’t care.”

“I would never! I love you Y/n,” he said honestly because it was true. How could he not fall head over heels for you since the beginning. You proved every bad thing he’d ever heard about you wrong. Sure you snapped at that girl but he knew it wasn’t like you.

“Oh please,” you scoffed, “You love Jisoo. That’s why you wanted to make her jealous in the first place—“

He pulled you back into him by your arm. Had he really chased after you that quickly? He was out of breath, “I don’t give a fuck about her anymore.”

“Then why keep the act up? Were you just waiting for the moment she apologized? Because she’s a cheater and I don’t care if this relationship wasn’t real between us, I hate cheaters and you just kissed her,” you said referring to what you had walked into. All you had wanted was to apologize but clearly he had other plans that didn’t involve you anymore.

“Let me explai—“

“No,” you said pushing him away, “No. I don’t care. I don’t care about what you have to say. I’m done with you. I don’t need a relationship with you.”

“You don’t mean that,” Taehyung shook his head, “You do care. I know you do. That’s why you’re being mean right now and if you

just let me explain and stop a—“

“No! No! No! I’m being mean because I can be and if you don’t like it you can leave. I did this because I was bored and you were easy to make my new toy,” you said viciously, “So don’t act surprised that I don’t want to deal with you anymore. Go back to Jisoo and leave me the fuck alone.”

He wanted to act like your words didn’t sting a little but you were being cruel. If you hadn’t walked in at that moment. If you would’ve just seen him push her away and tell her he loved you.

“You don’t mean that,” he whispered and you didn’t mean it. You really didn’t but you weren’t going to get hurt er over a guy you weren’t even dating. You just shrugged, “I do. So this fake relationship is don—“

“It stopped being fake to me the second you kissed me on the yacht,” Taehyung confessed, “But I didn’t want you trying to run away from me like you’ve done the last few days. And now you’re using the kiss as an excuse to push me away when we both know I don’t feel shit for Jisoo. I know you know she kissed me. I wouldn’t be here right now if I wanted her.”

“Well I don’t c—“

“Yes you do!” He yelled at you. You two were arguing on the street for anyone to see but he didn’t care about anything but you. He grabbed you by the waist shaking you a little, “You do care so stop acting like you don’t. You can play the mean bitch card with anyone else but not me! I know the real you and I know you care about me too. And I swear to you, that kiss meant nothing to me. It disgusted me.”

You didn’t say anything but he knew he was breaking down your wall so he kept going, “I know how everyone perceived you but I don’t see you that way. I see you as someone who’s been let down a lot and your defense mechanism is getting mad and I don’t want you like that with me,” Taehyung said moving closer to her. You let him pull you into a hug.

“I really care about you and I know this is happening so fast but I couldn’t stop thinking about the night of the dinner,” Taehyung held your face in his hands, “And I want to be with you. Not as pretend but really as my girlfriend.”

“Are you sure you’re not saying this to get back at Jisoo?” You asked with a pout. He shook his head, “Fuck Jisoo and everyone else, it’s just you.”

“Even if I’m mean and spoiled?”

“Especially because of that,” he teased brushing your hair out of your face before kissing the tip of your nose, “I like everything about you and we’ll work on whatever needs to be done because I want to be with you so damn bad.”

“At least we don’t have to tell anyone we’re dating now.”

He smiled, heart melting a little as he tilted your head up and connected your lips with his. You smiled back, “Just so you know. I love you too and I’m really sorry for pushing you away. If I hadn’t gotten mad then Jisoo wouldn’t hav—“

“It’s fine baby, as long as you love me I don’t care about the rest.”

::.

request 1

request 2

wow I wrote this in less than two days ain’t that something

thanks for over 4K followers. luv and appreciate everyone.

I’m convinced Tae is really affectionate and understanding so when he got to know y/n he just fell in love

and I don’t wanna hear anything bad about this y/n bc she skims over her trauma which clearly explains why she acts the way she does 😜

hey siri play daddy issue by the neighbourhood

hey siri play evergreen by Omar Apollo

hey siri play liquid smooth by mitski

[atomicvoidjellyfish]

KARASUNO BOYS REACT!!!

VALENTINES DAY SURPRISE!!!

Buckle up love's this is going to be a LONG POST! FLUFFY AND SPICY HEADCANONS!!!

~ Dachi Sawamura ~

 • HE IS ALL MAN! He is scrumptious and extra juicy on a super special day like Valentines day. Expect this man to show up with a big bokay of Red roses, a black suit and red tie to match along with a pink love heart shaped box of chocolates with a cute red bow on it.

• He personally was never super into Valentines day but putting all the effort in to see your bright beautiful smile made it all worth it. Like wining a Volleyball game but a million times better!!! Cause the prize he won is his and his ALONE!

• Dachi is a true gentleman and respectful, he'll kiss you on the cheek, paying attention to every detailing taking in the beauty of the moment and offering you his arm. His touch would be very soft yet firm, the grip of his hand on your hip or taking your hand when leading you through a crowd of busy people around the city.

• He would take you out to a nice restaurant not to busy or overwhelming for you to ensure you enjoy the night. You chat, laugh and dine whilst taking in the extravagant view of the city. Everyone was lively as usual the chatter of foot traffic and the bright neon lights.

• Dachi would give you his blazer if you were to get cold. You would see the outline of his muscles though the shirt and he would notice you staring. " Haha Do you like what you see beautiful" he would have the most heart warming smile on his face. That could make you jsut melt into your seat.

• Dachi would wait till you get home before getting into anything cheeky. He'd politely keep his urges to himself throughout the night emphasising how beautiful you are because of course you are and he would never want you to get the wrong impression!

• Once you get home this man would just want to embrace you, hold you close, to feel your body pressed up against his. Expect a lot of passionate kissing. In a hungry yet controlled way! He wants to make you want him but he's already lost this game. You know what makes him tick.

• Once you sit down on the bed Dachi would kneel down brushing you dress fabric aside before planting kissing down your leg till he gets to your ankle and takes your heels off.

• When you stand up he'd lead you to the mirror and hold you in his arms from behind. Brushing the sleeves of your dress off of your shoulders and helping you unzip. Whilst giving you the softest kisses and whisper sweet things in your ear.

• Dachi is very soft and passionate and that is how he has always loved you and will continue till this day. You have both grown very close and can trust each other with anything.

~ Sugawara Koushi ~

• Sugawara is more of a day guy and he would plan Valentines day more around the things you like. He'd eventually found the perfect place to take you for valentines day!

• He'd show up to your house holding a shoe box in had with a a ribbon tying a letter to the front. You'd both sit down to open it, the box was filled with chocolate hearts, photos of all the special moments you spent together, little trinkets that reminded him of you and this little black box placed in the centre. You open it to reveal a stunning gold ring with your birth stone shinning brightly.

• "Do you like it.." Suga would ask nervously, he'd overthink, he'd been planing for so long and he really wanted everything to be perfect for you. You'd just pull him into a big warm hug, such a beautiful gesture could bring you to tears. Giving him a kiss on the cheeky, you thank him for always being so kind and place the ring on your finger.

• "With this promise ring Y/N I promise to never change, to always make time for you, to always love you and to never let you go. I need you to understand that I am serious and I'm not dating for the thrills but because I can see a future with you. It will take time so let's not rush I've got forever to spend with you.

• You'd immediately shower him in kisses, pulling him into a cuddle, laying on the floor staring into his eyes. You're both very giggle and defiantly the goofy couple.

• Suga would eventually take you to a CAT CAFE! He knows how much you'd love it. You'd both take heaps of cute photos of the food, each other and the kitties. It was a very special valentines day and one you were never going to forget.

~ Asahi Azumane ~

• Asahi would take you to his favourite place THE BEACH! But not during the day time. On Valentines day a hot summer night at the beach watching the sun set is OP! He'd bring a beach towel, some glasses for your Champagne and he would never forgot the food board!

• You both strip down and enter the water together hand in hand and take some very cute and so VERY SEXY sunset photos. He's cradle you in his arms, hands on his super toned chest. The water only make the muscles ALL OF THEM JUCIY MUSCLES glisten in the fading lights. Your foreheads would touch enjoy the peace of the moment.

• You'd both go diving seeing what you could find, shells, sea weed, maybe a treasure chest who knows.

• Ashai and you would make sure to print out your photos and keep the shells to add to your little scrap book of all your adventures. You love to flick through the pages and remanise.

~ Tanaka Ryuunosuke ~

• Tanaka knows you really well sometimes its a little scary. On the day of valentines he'd show up at your door. Give u a big cuddle and lots of kisses before revealing a handful of shopping bags.

• He'd place them on the bag before turning to you with a cheeky little smirk. One of the bags said "BRA'S AN THINGS" another had a sexy land pattern on it, one was half orange, white and a little black it was from MYERS and the final one was from "VICTORIA SECRET"

• Your jaw would just DROP!!! He hands you a card and with excitement and respect you read it first. "Dear Y/N I hope these little gifts can express how much you mean to me, nothing and no one can compare to you! I'm sorry if my actions have ever made you doubt my loyalty to you. YOU ARE MY GODESS YOU ARE TO BE WORSHIPPED! (He made a secret shrine dedicated to you). Thank you for always giving me a chance and seeing my worth through my many flaws.

LOTS OF LOVE TANAKA xoxo"

• His obession with Kyoko did cause some frustration and breakdown in your relationship. You'd still smile seeing the effort he's put in, the changes he's made and the gifts were amazing

• A two piece linger with leather, rings and studs from BRA'S AND THINGS, a whip, blind fold and collar from SEXY LAND, from MYERS he got you a more innocent 1 piece linger suit with intricate detailed lace in a pastel colour, with some body jewellery here and there and finally he got you Bombshell Intense Eau de Parfum from VICTORIA SECRET. The bottle was a gorgeous sexy red colour, the smell he picked out personally he found it very alluring.

• You were very surprised with he blind fold, whip and collar but its not like Tanaka wasn't a freak! That would be the start of lots of late night sexy land shopping sprees! Be prepared to be broke gurl!

• At that moment with all your gifts you had to give Tanaka a little fashion show. Tanaka would cheer and ogle at you even play some cat walk music, turn his flash on and take some cute photos of your little poses (on your phone ofc)

• Tanaka would still remain respectful until you give him the signs for sexy time. He was just a well rounded freaky guy like that. But what he didn't know that he has just sparked your DOMINATRIX'S ERA!!!

• You tied that mans hands behind his back, blind folded him, grabbed your whip and told him "We are gonna have such a good time baby" HE WAS SOOO INTO IT. This man got the shivers up and down his spine.

~ Nishinoya Yuu ~

• Nishinoya would love to have a more personal valentines day he'd invite you over when his parents had gone out to dinner. He'd set the dinner table with some vodka cruise, some roses candles and re heat some of his moms cooking. He'd tell you he made it with a cheeky grin but you know his tricks. It was ok tho you didn't want to die from some experimental pasta!

• After eating he prep the bath! He make sure to add plenty of bubbles a pink glittery bath boom, and some rose petals scattered around in the bath bubbles and he scooted back in to light the candles.

• Nishinoya being the libero his muscles can get pretty sore sometimes and the bruising is sometimes concerning. So for him a nice hot warm bath always helps.

• After dinner he'd lead to the dimly lit bathroom. You would both help each other strip down with the occasional bite and kiss here and there.

• The water was so warm and soothing, laying back on Nishinoya's chest you'd just want to melt. His touch is very soft a precise and giving you shoulder kisses. Hugging up to you, wrapping his armds around your tummy. He was in absolute bliss and didn't want this moment to end. Until you splashed him of course hehe, you'd give him a cute bubble mane and he would GRRR and pull face at you making you giggle.

• You both noticed something was missing... You popped up your phone and borrowed Nishi's blue tooth speaker. It started with playing gangster music like Knife talk, Thuggish ruggish bone, love me and end with Pretty privilege, MMM HMM and SkeeYee. Nishi would play along doing his sassy getto girl impression, make double D's out of bubbles, pouty face and your fake nails. It was a hilarious jam sesh.

• You both eventually got tired and decided to watch your favourite Netflix series "HOW TO MAKE A SEX DUNGEON" it was quite funny but Nishinoya was getting very into it. It was cute seeing his eyes light up and then giving you these puppy dog eyes. Winning bout oh bad he wants to try some things.

~ Tuskishima Kei ~

• Due to timing Valentines day would come early. He bought some ticks to go to a carnival. The bright lights, everyone smiling, screaming rides the whole atmosphere mad eye feel excited and warm. You could smell donuts and cotton candy everywhere and the arcade machines something Tsukishima loved being a super secret gamer boy. (His user Dwarfkiller)

• His brother was nice enough to drop you both off, Tuski wouldn't like to admit it but he was nervous when it came to rides. You'd bring it up cause YOU HAVE TO GO ON A RIDE! You wanted to go on the roller coster!!! You had to drag him over there by force, gave him the pouty face cause you didn't want to go alone and psychological tactics like "you don't love me enough to go on the ride" sad face. He would get flustered and frustrated eventually giving into you.

• When at the top Tuski would be literally shitting himself, looked like he was going to go to heaven. Whilst you were smiling like an idiot, shouting in excitement for the drop, you gave him the most evil look. Then "EEEAHHh" Tuski screamed so loud his voice cracked and you just laughed you ass off the rest of the ride. He was so pissed at the fact he just screamed like a little girl. Yeah you bullied him the rest of the night.

• To make it up to him you bought some candy floss to share and took a nice relaxing ride on the Ferris wheel. You took some selfies and looked out at the sunset. For once Tuski looked at peace not snarky, mean, grumpy or poker faced.

• He place his arm around your shoulder pulling you into him giving you a kiss on the forehead. A bright red tint stained his cheeks looking away he'd state "You were too far away from me" looking away going back to pokerface.

~ Tobio Kageyama ~

• Kageyama was aiming for a very chill Valentines day. He wanted to spend the whole day with you. Not worry about Hinata, volley ball or anything else living in his head rent free.

• He's gave a large black box, you open it to see an envelope with a little heart sealing it. You open it up to read

Dear Y/N

I'm not very good when it comes to words... But I hope you can still feel my ever growing love for you. You continue to help me become a better version of myself. Thank you for always been there even when your not around my mind always finds a way back to you.

Love Kageyama

• Kageyama is still learning to understand the context of love and companionship, it was very rough to start off. He was still very consumed with Volley Ball and the drive to get better hurt him and it ultimately hurt a lot more. You would often fight and bicker but you never crossed the line with each other and he never ever gave up on you.

• You look up to see him looking down. You place you hands on his face and make him look up at you. He looks away his eyes were filled with conflicting emotions.

• You wrap your arms around his neck and you whispered in his ear " As long as you understand what you did wrong and your willing to change...I will always have the heart to forgive you and there will always be hope. So let it go baby. I can't have you being all sad on Valentines day." You pull back caressing his cheek and planting a kiss. He looked so much more at piece an his eyes now looked very warm and kind. "Thanks..."

• You tosh the tissue paper to the side to find to matching hoodies, with a really cool front and back graphic design. You smiled as you and Kageyama both put them on. The hoodie was well made very warm and cossy.

• "You know there's this new light art exipediton in the city, i was wondering if you wanted to go" you smile "Of course silly i love to go anywhere as long as its with you.

• You both rug up in your gloves, pants, scarves, bum bags and hit head to the train station. "HURRY QUICK!!! YOUR SO DAMN SLOW!", "SHUT UP KAGEYAMA BEFORE I MAKE YOU SLOW!!!" You both run down the stairs catching the train just in time.

• "AAAHH im so puffed" you wine "Well you know you can always come for a jog with me", ".....No" Kageyama rolls his eyes before taking your hand and leading you to a seat next to the window. You look out at the beautiful city lights, cars, trams everything. Kageyama on the other hand was staring at your face through the reflection of the glass. You looked so beautiful, happy you were gonna become his everything and that did scare him a little bit.

• You eventually reach the light show, you were estatic the colors, patterns and effect were all so unique. Kageyama was pretty impressed to. You took a tone of cool poses, the lights were the perfect back drop.

• "Hey we should go to the BBQ", "Hhhmm whats that?" he smirks "It an all you can eat buffay" he was already drooling thinking bout all the meat and delicious sea foods. "Wow sounds delicious" your eyes lit up. Kageyama smiles softly taking you by the hand leading you through the crowds of people glaring at most of them to make them move. "Typical of you to size everyone and everything up" he give you a look. He knows your just being playful.

• You lined up outside, Kageyama cuddling you from behind, resting his chin on your head and putting his hands in your pocket to hold yours and make sure they are warm.

• Kageyama would pig out mans always hungry. You on the other hand were feeling a bit cheeky. You slipped your foot out of your shoe. You started off my touching his foot then feeling up is calf with your toes, then his thigh as well lets just say you defiantly got him going. He'd glide his hand across your soft silky legs and give you a look of pure desire.

~Tadashi Yamaguchi ~

• Tadashi made such an effort in planning your Valentines day surprise it took all morning setting up and putting everything together and in the right place.

• He take you to the back yard asking you to cover your eyes, he place his hands around your for arms and slowly lead you to the right spot. "Okay you can open your eyes now"

• GASP " TADASHI DID YOU REALLY DO ALL THIS" you looked out at a tee pee set up with lights and wines scattered around the base and up the top of the wooden pools holding everything together. In the centre was a big picnic blanket with some pillows, you also noticed some canvas and some paint.

• Tadashi took you by the hand and led you to the middle, he had a the picnic basket hidden on the side. He pulled on a wood board, some chips, lollies, cheese, salami, olives, nuts, chocolate and so much more delicious foods. Not to mention your a 6 pack favourite soft drink. (sorry Im Aussie deal with it! hehe)

• You'd spend plenty time chatting, cuddling, holding hands and you'd take turns feeding each other food. Tadashi is a very connect, soft emotionally driven guy and he always loves learning more and more about you. He looks at you with fondness in his sweet eyes.

• You both played plenty games, took some cute polaroid photo and painted some canvas together. You both took turns swapping and adding to each others creation. You ended up painting the ocean and he ended up painting the sky with the minor odd details like a pink whale with lashes and lips and his a goose with a knife in the sky haha. Very cute odd, retro style you goth gifted each other your art pieces with a date and thumb prints in the shape of a heart.

• After all the games were over it has started to get dark. Yuo both watched the sun set together and the star's that started to shine into view. It was a truly beautiful sight then "WOW Tadashi look!!! It's a shooting start" it flashed before your eyes. "Well make a wish Y/N.....What did you wish for." "Tadashi i cant tell you haha..but I do hope it comes true." You looked at Tadashi and notice his golden eyes glowed like the stars in the sky and the reflection of the stars was so breath taking. He took a hold of both your hands, and leaded in till your noses where touching. Tadashi was a truely beautiful sole. You blushed before leaning just a little bit more sharing a soft gentle kiss.

~ Hinata Shoyo ~

• Hinata has no idea what to do for valentines at-least what any women would want to do so all he could do was share something special to him with you of course.

• It would be a nice sunny day and Hinata would take you to the city. You'd both walk around and occasionally buying odd snacks to try, laughing and catching up with life.

• You tend to worry about him being so positive all the time it makes you wonder how he really feels and how hes really doing.

• Hinata would lead you the outskirts of the city. "Hinata where are we going?" "Don't worry its not far and i promise you will love it." Hinata takes your hand leading you through some trees, long grass, thorns, brushed EVERYTHING! You eventually reach an abandoned drain only big enough for you both to shuffle through. "Hinata are you crazy" "No I'm not Y/N i understand if your nervous but please just trust me." he grabs the hand in his softly caressing it before taking you through the drain tunnel. It wasn't all that damp, wet or swampy, the only thing that put you on edge was the echoing sound. You were getting claustrophobic to say the least (Im sorry if you are genuinely claustrophobic, i am sure the anxiety is real ;( )

• "Not long now Y/n" As you neared the exit you could smell something familiar it was a very strong salty smell and you could hear there odd sound. As you approach the light at the end of the tunnel it lead you a small opening enough space for you both to sit. "This is my favourite spot to come and clear my head. I call it The look out cause you get to look out at the ocean.

• You peered out to see sand with not a single imperfection, untouched to man kind, Skeletons of Debra and trees that once stood, a small boat that had capsized off sure, lots and lots of sea weed. You could see the rock formations and cliffs and where the sea meets the sky. It look liked it went on for miles. It was beautiful Nature in her natural form completely uninhabited.

• "Wow Hinata how did you find this place?" you saw hinata rummaging around in the bags he had brought "Well I was running laps as i do for Volleyball practice and i got lost ahah then i stumbled on this drain and i got curious." he pulled out pulled out a bracelet with a little tiny orange starfish ornament, "I had to ask my sister to help me but i hope you like it Y/N." "Oh and the starfish is real, I went all the way over there and has to drive really deep to find he best shells and starfishes." He smiles so brightly proud of his achievement.

• "I love it Hinata, the orange starfish remind me of you" "Well i hope you don't mind i managed to stuff Arrggh all these Grraaa pillows and blankets in here. I wondering if you wanted to stay late and enjoy the view with me." He started to place down the pillows, sleeping bags and many many blankets. "Of course i would Hinata."

• You both decided to scavenge some old sticks and leaves to start a little fire along with some rocks. The fire was so toasty and warm, you cuddled up to Hinatas chest, it was cold but not too cold.

• You were surprised Hinata was changing, he's shoulders were slightly broader, his arms were beginning to look more sculpted, his leg muscles were starting to pop and he was radiated heat.

• "You changed a lot Hinata." you blush avoiding eye contact. "Haha Well i hope you like it Y/N but I'm still your same fun loving Ninjashoyo and that wont change." Hinata despite slowly coming into puberty has always be respectful when it comes to your body, what your comfortable and not comfortable with and he never puts any pressure on you.

• "You worry too much Hinata, Love doesn't exclude touch or desire but I can understand if it is all a confusing and scary. I want you to focus on volleyball and not to get addicted to well...sourcing inappropriate things i guess you could say. Your right I like you the way you are." Hinata looks down "Thank you Y/N I-Im just not ready for that stuff and-" You take his hand placing your forhead on top of his "Hinata I don't doubt your love for me" you looking into his sweet soft eyes before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "Come on im getting cold and need someone to cuddle to." you huffed.

• "Haha I also brought some binoculars if you wanna watch the wildlife, if your lucky you might sea some sea gals, penguins or even maybe some whales passing by...i don't know there migration patterns but still!" You smile both cuddling up to enjoy the view, Hinata was so warm, his heart beaut was calm and his body was so inviting to take away all your stress, that why you loved him so much.

• He's your sweetheart never tries to do anything wrong and hes always there to catch you if you fall. A part of him really needs you to but thats something still left to explore.

Author note:

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! Ive been really busy re decorating my room its GOTH THEMED and i love it so much. This was such a long post but i really hope you all enjoy it. Leave a like or a repost that would really make my day. THANKS HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

[irregularcollapse]

read through your previous answer and was wondering: how do you write laurent (from hold (me), please?)

thank you for all your work!

When I was writing even in another time, I wrote a lot of things about how I approach Laurent, because he was the POV character! Everything I've said about EIAT Laurent is applicable to any Laurent, really, because it's all based in character analysis:

this answer about Laurent's bunions

this answer about Laurent's approach to sex as a survivor of child sexual abuse

this answer about Laurent and Nicaise

this answer about Laurent and Auguste (with added commentary/analysis by my forever-beta reader @sulkybbarnes)

this answer about the abuse which Laurent inflicts on Damen in book 1 and where it comes from

and also this post I made about Laurent's motivation in book 1, because he is not actually getting revenge for Auguste's death when he repeatedly punishes Damen in book 1; he thinks he is getting revenge for years of sexual and psychological abuse.

What is always in consideration when I write Laurent is that he is an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. I’m not going to beat around the bush with this; he isn’t just “damaged” or “hurt” or “bitchy.” He was repeatedly raped and psychologically abused by his uncle from the age of 13, likely until the age of 15, after losing his mother, father, and brother within the span of a few months. He then was obliged and made to continue living under his abuser’s control, in a place where it is impossible that no one knew what was done to him, witnessing his uncle be enabled to continue abusing other boys.

The narrative about him at Arles was completely controlled by his abuser, which is shown to the reader initially first-hand in book 1 when Damen witnesses the Regent manipulating and directing council members to see Laurent as out of control and worthy of punishment; the Regent is even shown, on page, deliberately manipulating Damen. Laurent is unable to retreat from the reminder of being sexually abused: the entire court are open in sexualising and objectifying him despite his best efforts to close himself off and become effectively repulsive, he says since the age of 15; rape itself is glorified as entertainment, and everyone in the place where he lives sits around and cheers for it—is even aroused by it. Since he was 15, everyone else in the court being adults. Everything from the way people talk about him to the hypersexual environment of the court is a reinforcement to Laurent that his uncle’s version of events is the correct one: he asked for it, and he deserved it.

People love to bring up how Damen “didn’t realise” or “didn’t notice” what happened to Laurent, and deride him for not connecting the dots even after he knew that the Regent was a pedophile. It is much more pertinent to Laurent’s story, and indeed Damen’s as well, to ask why no one at the court did anything to protect any of the boys abused by the Regent, including Laurent. People knew. There is evidence throughout all three books that people knew—grown adults, not teenagers like Laurent (him being merely 20 years old throughout the trilogy) and they did nothing. The Crown Prince has his ear pierced like a pet, specifically noted as a taste of the Regent, and there are readers who think it was a secret? We know that Laurent was made to wear paint; we know that he was made to drink and take drugs. It would not have been spoken about, it would not have been acknowledged, but people in the court would have known.

That is why Laurent is a “cast iron bitch” to the people of the court: they stand in front of him and call him “your highness” when they not only failed to intervene when he was his uncle’s target, but now ignore and enable the continued abuse happening right in front of them. They also gossip and talk about him, actively engaging in ongoing and persistent sexual harassment. The only person who doesn't do this is Damen, and even then Laurent has a difficult time letting go of the idea that Damen only wants him for sex. This is not a reflection of Damen specifically; it is a reflection of Laurent's entire life existing around adult men.

Laurent isn’t cold and vulgar and sharp without reason: it is a defense mechanism. He does not act out of inherent spite or delight in the misery of others or just because he likes seeing people humiliated for no reason. It’s interesting that people think of Damen as a black and white thinker who has to be taught to see nuance, because actually in that respect, he and Laurent are the same: the teach each other to see nuance, and to be moderate, because until Damen arrives Laurent has a very tit-for-tat view of justice and a broad brush with which he paints. Damen is more inclined to see the good in people; Laurent is more inclined to see the bad—but they both share an unshakable sense of justice and a belief that people who hurt others need to be punished. There are reasons for both of them to be this way: the societies they have been raised in both put punishment at the forefront of the response to perceived crimes, and the punishments are largely physical and based on arbitrary decisions of proportionality. They teach each other the value of forgiveness and nuance.

This is more than I intended to write, but I've got more energy this morning than I did answering the ask about Damen so my thoughts are connecting a bit better. I guess what I'm saying is that writing about Laurent and sex and relationships is always going to require a foundational understanding of and compassion for trauma caused by sexual abuse. That is as true in canon as it is for me writing even in another time as it is for hold (me) please.

[blackbirdffxiv]

A lengthy ass-post about poly-shipping no one asked for

So I'm gonna go ahead and choose passive aggressive violence, in the form of an informative, lengthy as fuck post I think some folks need to read.

I won't be adding the post here, as I don't wish to direct potential harassment to the original poster (no matter how heinous I found a majority of the list), but if you're on twitter/"X", I'm sure you've seen a lengthy notepad list of RP "hot takes".

While I agreed with some of the points made, I feel it necessary to clarify some things, particularly about the points regarding polyamorous shipping.

If you don't want to read the blurb between here and the actual point list, just scroll down until you see green font.

Most know that I myself play a polyamorous character; I ship my character with other characters belonging to different players. I've been poly-ship for YEARS, so I feel I have some experience and can say some things about it.

Some points made in the "hot takes" list alluded to people using polyamorous shipping/multi-shipping as an excuse to just ERP and mess around with multiple people without consequence.

Sadly, yes, this does happen. It's unfortunate that selfish people only looking for specific things use it as an excuse for their behavior, but the only thing people can do is be aware of what to look out for when it comes to polyamorous shipping.

So rather than allow a negative light be painted on a valid means of shipping and roleplaying your characters in relationships, I think a quick lesson is needed.

Disclaimer: these are just my personal opinion on how I feel polyships should be handled, and some red flags I have seen during my time being a polyamorous OC player. By no means is this a rulebook, more like a guide so new and veteran roleplayers alike can be aware.

What a responsible poly-shipper will do:

Introduce you to their other partners - Communication is key in any relationship, this is not just for monogomous ships, but even moreso for polyamorous. A poly OC player will be open to introducing you to their other partners; while no one expects you to be best friends, it's good to be aware of just who else you'll possibly be regularly seeing around.

Share time and effort among your partners equally - A polycule relationship should be even across the board; one partner should not be treated better than the other. Treating one or more partners better than the other(s) is just a recipe for people getting hurt, both IC and OOC.

Be open and up front at the very beginning of IC interactions - A poly OC player will be up front and honest about the nature of their character if they have an interest in possibly shipping with you, or in case the possibility of it happening is there.

Encourage communication and prioritize problem-solving - This isn't just for poly ships, but ships in general. A good writing partner will encourage and WANT you to tell them about how you feel with the ship, especially if it's a problem with an easy solution.

Always make it known if they wish to bring another partner into the polycule & pose an introduction OOC - This is the most important part of being in a poly ship, making sure EVERYONE knows if there is someone new who will be joining the ship, and making introductions before a ship is made.

What a responsible poly ship player wouldn't/shouldn't do:

Hide the status of their ships - If your partner is hiding who they are shipping with from you, in my experience, this just means a person is going behind their partner's back (and is possibly cheating on them).

Brush off any possible issues you may be having with one of the partners in the ship - A responsible partner would aim to mediate the situation, and listen to all sides.

Discourage their poly partners from seeking other partners - Not every poly OC is monogomous with their poly partner, sometimes one poly OC will be shipped with another poly OC. Your partner would not expect you to drop your other ships to be with them while they continue their own, they should respect your decision to ship with your other partners.

Keep attempts to ship with other characters a secret - A responsible poly partner will make it known when they are attempting to or want to ship their OC with another as soon as intentions and wants are known. Not after a ship is already established.

Discourage those in the polycule ship from associating with each other - A partner in a healthy polycule would never discourage their partners from associating with each other; intentional separation more than likely is a means of hiding something, such as blatant favoritism, or even to keep ships a secret (in my experience).

Anyways I'll get off my soap box. I apologize for the lengthy post, but some things I've been seeing regarding this hot takes list were so blatantly heinous, I just felt like something should be said.

Have a good evening y'all; hug your pets, tell your friends you love them, and don't let jaded people online project their problems onto you.

Stay golden

[gardenofnoah]

hi bea 💕 saw your note from a few days about gently pushing a writing prompt in your inbox 💌 if you're still taking them, here's a thought i've let run wild in my brain. hope it helps with your writing rut! bakugou and kirishima coming home to a non-pro hero!reader after a grueling 2 month stint overseas. it's the first long mission they've gone on since starting this fairly new relationship. it's a little awkward, but everyone underneath is brimming with longing. no one's not sure how to break the ice and settle back into a rhythm. maybe some insecurities come out as dinner is awkwardly made. how do the three of us get back to a safe and vulnerable place? a lil sweet? a lil angsty? all up in our feels? 👀 is it a soft kiss that breaks the tension? a lingering touch? a massive dam that breaks with clothes haphazardly ripped off down the hall?

i am kissing your brain directly for this one omfg

it doesn't feel like you thought it would.

to have your beloved heroes back home should have filled you with the familiar contentment that only they bring you. the knowledge that katsuki and eijiro are here and safe, back to you like you made them promise, should be a welcome thing.

but the hours that scratched at your loneliness until it bled are between you now. a great divide—one that widens with every touch the two exchange in front of you. you stand on the other side of it alone—an unfortunate voyeur to the very thing you've yearned for but could not have. how odd it is that the very people you have loved bring up a completely different sentiment now.

how strange it is that some part of you wishes they were still gone.

the apartment that felt too big now suffocates you. the mahogany under your fingers seems a far better sight than the alternative. they chat idly about situations you aren't privy to, missions you haven't gone on—you keep your eyes trained on the wood grain to ignore what's looking you straight in the face: you are othered—you are outside of this. you trace a chip in the tabletop and think with some detachment that you could get up unnoticed.

"you tired, babe?" eijiro's head turns to you as you stand. it feels foreign to have his eyes on you. you gather your bowl and utensils in your hands and fight the urge to tell him to look away.

"yeah, no, i just—i'm not hungry."

"oh! do you want to pick a movie to watch?"

you shake your head, looking anywhere but him. your feet take you past him, headed straight for the kitchen or anywhere else but here. "no, that's okay. don't worry about it."

"oi," katsuki's rasp commands a pause in your steps despite intending the opposite, "what's that s'pposed to mean?"

you don't move an inch—it's enough effort to contort your face into something resembling a smile. something to appease. you can't look at either of them—you keep your eyes on the floor and will it to open up and swallow you whole.

you jump when you feel katsuki's warmth in front of you—far too close. he takes the dishes from you, setting them on the table.

"don't worry about what?" he murmurs, reaching up to tip your chin up. forcing you to meet his gaze.

it doesn't take much else to make you crumble.

you whimper as your eyes burn, blinking furiously to fight the way his face blurs in your vision. he keeps you there and it's torture—fighting the wave that won't stop coming when no one has taught you how to swim. full of fear that it might be the thing that washes away everything.

"baby—" eijiro gets to his feet, startled at your outburst.

"sit down, red," katsuki mutters, holding a hand to the side to stop him. it's absentminded at best yet still effective—and the only thing you can notice is the unspoken between them. there is a trust there that existed long before you and has only been strengthened in the months without you. eijiro settles back in his seat. the canyon deepens—you get farther away.

you know that fighting katsuki's grip on you is futile and you try anyway. he lets you get as far as arm's length away before his fingers close around your wrist and drag you back to him. distantly, you can appreciate the metaphor.

the palm that cradles the back of your head and traps you against his chest is a cruel one. heart to heart, something inside yours breaks.

"it hurts," you gasp. god, does it hurt—the wound sears as hands that feel familiar and wrong hold you tighter.

"take a breath,” he says it so gently that you’re not convinced he’s not someone else in this moment, “tell me what’s goin’ on.”

you do as he says—shuddering and staggered, all torn up in his arms. you feel put on display here in front of both of them—an actor who’s been the butt of the joke the whole time, unbeknownst to them until the final act.

"you left and i—" you squeeze your eyes shut, bearing down on the sob that would love nothing more than to punch its way out of you, "y-you had each other and i was alone."

neither one speaks—the silence stretches and waits patiently for you to fill it.

"you left and i was the one to miss you. i—i feel like i missed everything—i don't feel like i have a place in this anymore—"

the grief knocks the wind out of you when you get to the root of it. it was silly of you to believe you could ever have a place in this, really. two heroes at the peak of their careers, and you—a chain around both of their ankles. how could you have ever held on to those that are held just as tightly by a whole nation? would it have ever mattered, with the hold they already have on each other? there could never be enough room.

"do you think we didn't miss you?"

the blatant hurt in eijiro's voice brings you back to the present moment. katsuki moves back just far enough for you to see it etched on to the red head's face in a way you haven't ever. something about it makes you want to step back into katsuki's warmth, as if it could shield you from it. you can't answer him—and the silence is more shameful truth than you're willing to part with.

"baby," eijiro breathes, strained and thick, "i—we—thought about you every single second we were gone. every single second, i thought about how you'd be spending your day, and i was so excited to get to call you to hear about it. at night we would talk about how you were probably burrowed in blankets and our clothes on the couch, and about how badly we wanted to be there with you."

"you are a part of me," he goes on, goring you any way but softly, "you are a part of us. this doesn't work without you. i know you're hurting and i'm so sorry we had to leave—but sweetheart, you are what we come back to."

your knuckles are white as katuski brushes his thumb over them. he brings them to his lips—brushing over each one softly. you shake in his grasp and he doesn't falter.

"i'm tired," you whisper to no one in particular. it's a half truth—the why hangs in the air between you—but the fatigue is bone deep. it hurts.

"alright," katsuki's voice is raw in a way that feels like a knife in your side—stoicism given away to something far too vulnerable for him, "shower first. then we're goin' to bed."

the ritual you had in place before distorts under the weight of the night. the act takes on new meaning as you let him peel the clothes off of you and corral you into the shower. you're only under the spray a short second before he's gathering you in his arms again--warm and damp in the steam as he dips down to press his face into your neck.

"don't you run off on me," katsuki’s lips brush your throat and it only feels melancholic. he whispers his fear against your skin and all at once you realize that it mirrors your own. you feel eijiro's chest at your back, and when he reaches over your head to wrap a palm around the back of katsuki's neck, the pain fizzles out into something like remorse. how blind you'd been to the knowledge that they held the whole time—that you were the thing they'd wrapped themselves around and sworn to protect.

there's nothing left to say, and yet you speak your apology anyway, hoarse over the patter of water against tile. much louder is what you don't say: i love you. i need you and i'm afraid.

katsuki dries you off slowly, like he's trying to commit you to memory, and it makes you ache. you let him preen you in some animal attempt at strengthening the tear in the bond.

but it's only a tear. blood dries and wounds repair themselves just as the connection between you will. when you settle into bed, it gives under the familiar weight of the two halves of your heart. it's almost comical, the way they both wrap themselves around you—nearly swallowing you whole.

it might be to keep you there—but your heart settles under their tangle of limbs and love and for the first time in the months they'd been gone, you sleep through the night.

[aleksanderscult]

Darklina's first kiss

That meme that I posted made me wanna analyze their first awkward kiss.

Consider it a little gift for Valentine's day 💕

I'll quickly skip over their conversation with Baghra and their conversation with each other minus some important parts.

The Darkling sees that even though her power has improved it's not enough to be used against the volcra.

Baghra has changed her tune apparently. All the other times she was alone with Alina she was saying: "Your power is not enough! Try again! Again!". Now she's like "No, I think it is enough. Give her an amplifier" out of an attempt to persuade the Darkling not to go after the Stag.

Baghra brings out her usual toxic self and the Darkling alludes that he has often been verbally attacked by his mother.

YES! STAND UP TO HER!!

Seeing a victim of abuse standing up to his abuser is so empowering.

The Darkling tells Baghra to take her toxic ass and leave them the fuck alone.

He sees how her powers have changed her physically and have given her health and vitality.

The Darkling when he saw Alina strong and healthy: "You look well😊"

Mal when he saw Alina strong and healthy: "You look well😒"

The Darkling being a gentleman is one of the highlights of this book 👌

Alina is the one that breaks the silence and asks him about the Stag.

He's trying to let her know that just because her powers aren't enough, that doesn't mean that she's worthless. And even admits that he cannot deal with the Fold himself. He's making an effort to make her feel less bad about herself.

He's a fan of her humor 😭🥹👉👈

Now he's even apologising for giving her false hope. He promised her the Stag and he can't find it.

He even doubts himself and can't shake off the words Baghra had told him. Even though they disagree on almost everything, he seems to always keep her words in his mind.

Actually no Alina, Baghra is no good for Aleksander. She's just the person the lowers his confidence.

THEY'RE TOO CUTE!! TOO ADORABLE!! IT'S ALMOST DISGUSTING!! 😭😭

"The most random kiss doesn't ex...."

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM??

By the way, is that "flush" from the cold or from something else? 😌 Is it a blush? 😌

Never mind it's still cute regardless because we just witnessed a thousand year old creature unable to hide his crush anymore.

Also, I've seen people say that he kissed her because he wanted to distract her from asking questions about the Stag. It's true that Alina started this conversation but here the Darkling only asked her opinion. And it's apparent that he means it when he says that he cares to know about it because he did the same thing in RoW when he asked to see her and talk to her.

How did I expect a truly manipulative person to react: *all confident, flirty, even smug about it*

How did the Darkling react: "Uhh...I....uhh...I think I left the stove on!! Gotta go!!"

How does it feel to catch feelings after centuries of withdrawal from them, Aleksander? 🙃

Ivan decided to cockblock them because why not.

OR he took pity of him and said: "Gotta help him out of this".

Bros helping each other 🤝

Why did he smirk if he didn't notice that there is something wrong with his master? A girl having lost a beat in front of the Darkling is normal for him. But the Darkling himself having lost ten beats in front of a girl must be something entertaining for him indeed.😏

The Darkling be like:

"Pretend everything is okay, Aleksander. Just walk normally, talk normally and pretend like you don't have a flock of butterflies inside your stomach. Oh! I also need to remember to give Ivan a raise. He's a life saver".

So yeah I don't think it was actually a sneaky attempt of manipulation but our evil mastelord couldn't control his own feelings and let them act before his logic. Even powerful immortals get crushes and act all awkward with them apparently. Especially this one who has squashed his feelings down for centuries and he's surprised to find out that not only they still exist inside him but have also taken over him.

[cheeseceli]

Falling in Love [deeper than I've felt before]

Pairing: Hyunjin × gn!Reader

Genre: fluff, slowburn

Warnings: reader drinks alcohol at some point, not proofread.

Request: part 2 of Moving On but can be read individually

a/n: it took a while to go to the plot but i promise y/n moves on lmao; the ending is a bit rushed? But creativity had left me sadly. Also this was posted accidentally so I'm so sorry if there is something which seems off

The day has come. And you still can't believe how dumb you were from accepting the invitation to go to your ex's wedding.

You were going straight to the biggest heartbreak you'd ever have, but there was no turning back now. You said you would be in the damn party so you will be there.

"Seriously Y/n, I think you shouldn't go." Yeji, a friend of yours, said while helping you figure out something to wear "Just tell him that you were sick or something. I can lie to him if you want"

"I said I'd be there and I'm not one to break a promise."

"It's barely a promise. He admitted himself that it would be awkward, it's better if you skip it. You're just torturing yourself at this point"

"I'm going. Besides, maybe that's what I need to finally move on. It's been 3 years already. I need that."

Yeji sighed. She openly disagreed with your point of view, there should be another way of moving on without shattering your heart into pieces, but she wouldn't insist anymore.

"We have some hours until the wedding. Let's go to the mall, we need something good for you to wear" she got up from the edge of your bed "unless you wanna go in pajamas."

And that's how, four hours later, you were fully prepared to the wedding. Even though you looked great, you still felt a pain in your chest because of the price you spent. The situation was starting to become a little ridiculous, you couldn't believe you wasted so much money on an outfit you'd never wear again because it'd probably bring a lot of bad memories.

This better have a good outcome.

But deep inside you were happy that Yeji made you put some effort in how you'd look because the place was beautiful. The decoration was really enchanting, with a lot of white and green flowers and you could even hear the sound of a piano. It looked like the wedding was designed to fit a disney princess' movie.

The guests were also gorgeous. Some of them were still your friends while some were "ex-friends", as you lost contact with them after the break up. There were a lot of people you didn't know there, friends and family of Changbin's partner you assumed. It looked like you could actually enjoy the night if it wasn't for the current scenario.

You ended up sitting in the table with all the other Itzy girls and for some moments you were able to forget the bad feeling in your chest. That was until the ceremony started.

Needless to say that you cried during the vows. They were so happy, Changbin was happy. At the same time that your heart was aching, you felt a a weight out of your shoulders. It was like you were finally given the chance to set free from your past and not be attached to it anymore.

Changbin wouldn't come back. You shouldn't wait for him.

It was less painful than what you originally thought. Seeing how he cried after seeing his partner and how he didn't hesitate to kiss them, you could even feel happiness. I'm happy you're happy at last. That's how you were able to clap and celebrate for the now married couple, along the rest of the guests.

Now, of course, you needed to drink. Realisation was still sinking in and you couldn't say congratulations to the couple while being sober. That's why you went straight up to the bar once people started to dance and sat down in the first free chair you could find.

"Y/n?"

You looked to the side and saw Hyunjin. The fact that sooner or later one of the stray kids members would show up slipped of your mind and you were actually surprised for seeing the boy in front of you. Even though you were still friends with Changbin, you barely talked to the kids. The last time you saw Hyunjin was two years ago, you think. He got even prettier, you noticed.

"Hey" you finally reply "it's been a while."

"I know right? Wasn't expecting to see you here though."

"I wasn't supposed to be here I guess... I might be leaving soon"

It seemed that Hyunjin understood the circumstances, it was reasonable your urge to leave. But at the same time, the night had just started and it's been a pretty long time since you last talked to everyone. They missed you. He missed you.

"At least have a drink with me" he proposes, already calling the bartender "I wanna know what you've been into." How could you say no?

So you and Hyunjin drank together while catching up with each other and God, you did miss a lot. Hyunjin was talking about every show they attended to while you gossiped about a drama that was happening in your work place. He showed pictures of his paintings while you showed pictures of your pets. He even gave you a minor spoiler of their next comeback. You laughed a lot during some hours.

While you were telling him about the last trip you did with some of your friends, a different song started playing and everyone got out of the center of the room. You looked at the commotion to find out it was when the just married couple begun their dance. You were observing them, so you failed to notice Hyunjin's gaze on you and his little smile. He truly missed you.

"Are you guys okay?"

You looked at him, taking a while to understand what he meant. By the time you comprehended it, he regretted and tried saying "I'm sorry, shouldn't have asked".

"We're okay" you answered "we should be at least."

"No hard feelings? Were you able to, you know, move on?"

"I'm moving on as we speak. I think this is my last chapter with him."

He was looking at you with curiosity. Like he actually wanted to understand your feelings, like he actually wanted to listen without judgements. So you kept explaining:

"Maybe I was ready for a while, I just didn't want to let go. I've never been good with changes. I just didn't want to lose the possibility of everything being fine without any change." you grew consciously of the man's attention on you, so you tried to brush it off by laughing "Sorry for the therapy session all of the sudden."

He giggled "Don't worry, I don't mind. I'm happy for you, to be able to keep going. Happy for both of you."

The dance was close to an end and everyone was cheering, but Changbin and his partner looked like they were in their own world, lost in each others embrace and smile. You could see their love in their eyes. That's what they deserved.

"I am happy too."

You were being genuine. Its like another weight was lifted off you. You were slowly collecting the pieces of your heart and putting them together. You were healing.

When the newlyweds finished their first dance as a married couple, the guests applauded in joy and went back to the dance floor when another song started playing. Hyunjin drank the last sip of the drink he ordered and stood up. You didn't want to admit but you were kinda disappointed that he was already going. You started to wonder if you had said anything wrong or said too much, that was until he offered his hand to you with a smile.

He saw your confused expression and explained it clearly“Let's dance. You're not planning on staying in this bar for the whole night, are you? ”

“I am, actually. Besides I'm going home soon, there's no need to-”

“C'mon Y/n. ” he interrupted you while moving forward to hold your hand “You cannot come to a wedding party and not dance to at least one song. I promise I'll stop bothering you after this.”

Hesitantly, you held his hand back and got up.

“Was my offer to stop bothering you so tempting? You're even smiling” he said, making you laugh.

“Shut up.”

The room was filled with couples and friends. You didn't notice that the song that was playing, falling in love by cigarettes after sex, required a slow dancing. You just noticed it after Hyunjin was really close to you, holding your waist with both hands and smiling dearly for you. You soon placed your hands in his shoulder.

“You weren't so bold before, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Normally you wouldn't invite someone to dance, you were always kinda shy. I remember I begged you to dance with me in my own birthday party and still you denied.”

“That was when I was a trainee, how do you even remember that?”

“Oh it made me cry for weeks”

He laughed, bringing you closer to him. You guys were barely dancing, you were just hugging each other and swinging from side to side.

“Were you always this dramatic?”

“You're one to talk.”

“Well...” Hyunjin said before sighing, like he was wondering what words to use for what he was about to say.“we can say that I regret not accepting your invite to dance back then. And who knows when I'll have another opportunity.”

You were the shy one now. You really didn't expect to Hyunjin to be so bold, even though he didn't say nothing considered too much and you probably were analysing to deeply. Trying to not blush, you decided to light the situation: "I say it was the alcohol that made you so straightforward."

"Oh that helped of course" he laughed. And you kept talking the most random things while being on each other's arms, dancing to a love song like it was something casual. When the first song came to an end, he was ready to say goodbye to you, even though that was the last thing he wanted in the moment.

"I don't mind dancing for another song" you said. You don't know what made you change your mind so quickly, but then you saw his smile and understood the change of heart. That smile was worth a lot of dances.

You probably danced for more than two hours. In slow songs you'd just hug each other while talking about your life, in happy songs you would dance like crazy and proceed to judge those who were better than you and sometimes you'd just follow hyunjin's lead to try to follow a dance routine. You just stopped when Hyunjin was covered in sweat and your feet couldn't handle anymore. Then you both went to the bar, laughing like that was the funniest thing to ever happen on your life.

"Y/N!"

Looking to the side, you were met with Yeji. You noticed that her breath wasn't even, which meant that she was probably looking for you for a while now.

“You're still friends with Yeji?”

“Yeah, we still go out sometimes. Why?”

“Just wanted to know.”

“I was looking for you everywhere” Yeji was now right in front of you, breathing heavily “Me and the girls are going back to the dorms, we need to be up early tomorrow. Do you want to go with us?”

You searched for your cell phone, wondering what time it was. It was a little bit past midnight. You wanted to be there for more time, you felt like the night was just starting, but sadly the Itzy girls were your only ride back home. That meant you needed to go now.

You glanced at Hyunjin, who was looking at with expectation. For a second you thought that he was trying to convince you to stay for a bit longer, to enjoy the night with him. But it couldn't be this, right? So you just brushed it off.

“Well, I'll be going then” he gave you a small smile, but he was averting his eyes, trying to not look directly at you, but still he got closer to hug you goodbye “I hope to see you around.”

“Don't go missing this time.”

You laughed at his little joke and he giggled back. You believe it would've been easier to go away if he kept looking at somewhere else, but now his eyes were on you and you felt like you couldn't move. You truly wished the night could be longer.

You had your thoughts interrupted when Yeji faked a cough by your side, making you and Hyunjin both come back to reality and making you get away from his arms. Only then you started to walk away, trying to not look as much as you could.

“Bye Hyunjin.”

He just nodded his head, trying to not say bye. You and Yeji started to walk away, saying goodbye to the ones you'd find in your way.

"Oh wait" you remembered your friend "I still have to congratulate Changbin and his partner, I didn't get the chance to do that earlier."

"They were talking to his parents last time I saw them. Do you feel better?"

"Kinda? I mean, it will take a while to be 100% over this but I already feel a weight off my shoulders."

Yeji smiled and, even though she didn't say anything else, you could see she was happy for your growth. Now you could only wish you would heal and find yourself in a better situation from now on. Maybe you could fall in love again, deeper than you've felt before.

Feedbacks and reblogs are very much appreciated!

[witheredsnow]

A short story of an aroace friend's POV

Bright lights, lively music, and people with their friends and/or partners. It is the end of a long school year and everyone want to quickly forget about school work. A party to celebrate the last day of highschool. A last for many of us here.

A last for me and you too.

I do not let it show on my face. The bitter sweet feeling. Although, it's mostly bitter.

But... You're smiling, happy. You look back to me when I don't catch up with your excited gait. You were looking forward to this night. So I could not say no when asked.

I love your smile, did you know? I put effort to ensure to be partly credited to that smile this time... So, won't you smile at me a bit longer?

....

I smile slightly back, nonchalant after my pause to stare and monologue for a bit. You notice that I've been absent-minded. You ask, and I say I'm fine.

I cut myself off from straying thoughts. I could not afford to miss the smile that I won't be able to see again. Especially after I put much effort to make you smile.

I focus on the now and here.

Before I noticed, you have hooked our arms. You were always excitable so you end up hooking your arm with mine to pull me along.

Smiling and laughing, all care-free.

Like always.

Back then too.

I wish we could stay like this.

How hard I tried to.

.......

Before...

I wonder if you knew, if you would ever know, how I truly felt.

One morning, we walked to school together like any other. Matching your pace despite my impatience with everyone else.

We continue to chat on the way. Conversation continue to flow until you stopped and stared. I stopped as well, confused.

I sometimes wished I walked on, faster and uncaring, maybe drag you away as well.

I didn't think that would be the start of the end.

I asked, curious. You seemed to be staring at someone, in a gaze that I could not comprehend. And, well there is a someone just in front of us, a someone behind us and a someone on the side.

Back then, I didn't think that someone in particular would be the one... You would choose.

......

I remembered.

That one time. Or rather, multiple times.

Why?

We used to chat and welcome all sorts of topics. From the philosophical to nonsensical... When did it to turn to talking about... That person.

You gushed about them, all useless details to me. I listened, despite uninterested. I listened patiently like I always did, but this time, I didn't like the topic. Yet I did not say. Ah, how unfortunate to be an introvert at that moment.

I apologised in my heart many times for thinking that way.

I guess that's when I started feeling bitter.

....

And oh, how more bitter I was after.

You told them... What?! I didn't know that. We were supposed to be each other's confidants, right?

They're your friend, you say? Then what about me? I only learned of the issue after.

You... Why? I didn't ask them why, it made me feel pathetic. Maybe... It's not a big thing. Maybe... I'm over reacting.

And huh, they're friends apparently... Since... I don't know.

Huh.

...

.......

Tears wet your face and I was bearing witness to that more frequently now.

Who did they cry for? For that person.

Why did you cry? Oh, you saw them with this person and that person. Oh, someone seemed to have gotten up and close with them. Oh, someone asked to be alone with them.

I sat down with you. Patiently.

I care about you. You did and do know that, right?

Really, do you really know that?

Recently, that person had been bringing you more laughter and smiles. They had become your friend, your partner-in-crime, and your confidant.... More than I had been.

Oh how I wished to had have a heart to turn you away when you needed someone when the one who hurt you was that person.

But I smiled in consolation despite feeling pierced once more with a sharp wave of disappointment and hurt—No! Stop. I would not think that way of you.

Although I will admit that I was annoyed.

As much as they give you joy, a different kind of joy than I could, they give you just as much sorrow.

........

Huh...

....

I asked you that one time.

Do you care more about them than me?

How that question came about, I couldn't remember.

Your answer... I smiled silently in response because you said it was me. Lie.

When I asked you why you cared for that person in that way a different time... You told me of a foreign but familiar feeling. It was the same feeling I had towards you yet you said it was different. Huh...

When you felt heart broken, I wondered why.

You wanted their care as well.

And I stupidly asked whether if my care wasn't enough.

You told me it wasn't the same thing again.

Huh...

I feel another pang of pain.

.....

If I helped you fulfill your want of the. , would you smile at me again? Would it relieve you? Could we be friends again since you're no longer that worried or insecure? Wait, scratch that last one. We were still friends, right?

....

Maybe we were not. Or maybe this is just me being selfish and being the insecure one.

I don't see you often in the morning to go to school anymore. When I do, they're with you...

You sat with them and visit them more frequently than me these days. And oh, he lived in the neighborhood...

You talk more animatedly too. Like what we used to do even if it was mostly you...

That... Nice.

Maybe that's simply affection I could not understand despite helping you fulfill it.

I'm happy for you... Truly....

Even if it was painfully bitter.

....

It took me a while to make the decision. And I can not lie and say that I won't have regrets... But I really don't like pain. I also hate bitterness. That's why I don't eat vegetables.

Oh... I'm zoning out from the present again.

Yes, my monologue is done.

You chuckle and playfully hit my arm. Then told me that I seemed to be more absent-minded these days like I'm not present with you most of the time.

I laugh slightly at that and my lips quirk up.

Oh, there they are. You released my arm and went to them after saying few brief words to me.

I smile, a smile that didn't reach my eyes.

Why so quick to leave me again? Oops, that came about a bit too bitter.

You're smiling atleast. Isn't that what I hoped for... Although, honestly, I know that wasn't what I truly hoped for.

Hah... It's still hurting.

...

[commander-krios]

A Divine Dream

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3 Pairing: Rolan/Dammon Rating: Teen Summary: An invitation to a Grand Ball. A returning hero. And the man who'd gotten away. Words: 5798 Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Slow Dancing, Ballroom Dancing, Banter, Happy Ending, Love and Hope, Second Chances, Mild Language, Background Wyll/Karlach

Read on AO3

This fic was written for @Cozy_Bossi to go along with a piece of art they made a few months ago of Dammon and Rolan. I've attached the picture and their twitter on AO3 so that you can follow them for more wonderful art!

Also, I hit 200k words posted for 2023!

Your presence is requested at a Grand Ball in honour of the rebuilding of Baldur’s Gate by his eminence, Duke Ulder Ravengard.

The invitation was written in elegant script, looped letters in golden ink that glittered in the light. He knew he should attend. Most likely, his absence would be noticed and considered rude among the upper circles of the city. He was the master of Ramazith’s Tower and Baldur’s Gate’s newest archmage, yet he had much to still do, even a year after the destruction of the Absolute. With a sigh, Rolan tossed the parchment on his desk amidst mountains of scrolls and books. 

The movement caught Cal’s eye. His brother glanced up from his book, scrunching his face in concern. “Another solicitor?”

“If only.” Untying his hair from the elaborate braid he’d started to wear recently, he brushed his fingers through the strands, combing the knots out. “There is a party for the Duke in a tenday. I’m expected to attend.”

“A party sounds fun.” Cal reached for the paper, glancing it over quickly before a grin appeared on his face. A grin that Rolan didn’t like the look of. “And Ravengard is fair and honorable. You might actually enjoy yourself.”

“The horror.” Rolan muttered, the sarcasm not lost on his younger brother. “I can think of a hundred other things I’d rather be doing than getting dressed up like a prized peacock and prancing around a dance floor.”

“Is it because you don’t have a date?” Cal teased, setting the invitation face up in front of Rolan again, the golden script mocking him.

“A date? Have you seen the type of person that tries to woo me? Hardly any of them are worth the time or effort.”

“So you’re saying that some of them are worth it?” 

“Please spare me.” The invitation sat open, a temptation despite his objections. How long had it been since he’d left the Tower to merely socialize? His work as archmage brought him to many drawing rooms in Baldur’s Gate, not to mention his travels across Faerun visiting with other archwizards. He wasn’t locked away in Ramazith’s Tower like his predecessor had been. No, he frequently took on apprentices, delved into research with other wizards in the Realms.

But his patience for frivolous things, for frivolous people, had waned in the last months. What use was making connections, social or otherwise, when the one person he wished to see had left for Avernus nearly a full year ago?

Cal shifted in his seat, bringing his book closer as if he planned to continue reading, but his eyes were fixed on a singular spot on the page. He knew what this was. Cal craved life outside of the tower walls. Lia was well established with the Flaming Fist. She had friends and dates and hobbies that kept her away for days at a time. Cal had put his life on hold to stay behind and help Rolan with the organization of the Tower, of everything Lorroakan had left behind. He worked in Sorcerous Sundries most days, only going out on the occasion when Lia insisted.

After everything they’d been through to get to this point, Rolan knew he owed his brother this.

With a sigh, Rolan rested his elbow on the desk, cupping his chin in his hands, his eyes fixed on his brother. “Cal.”

Cal glanced up curiously, the shadow of a grin twitching at his lips. “Yes, Rolan?”

“Did you want to go to the ball with me?”

In his excitement, Cal slammed the book shut hard enough that the entire table shook. Rolan cast a spell to stop the ink pot from tumbling to the floor. It floated, suspended in mid-air before he snatched it and returned it to the safety of the desk. 

“I know you’re excited, but please be careful.”

“Sorry.” Cal said with a sheepish grin. “Should we invite Lia?”

“I suspect she’ll be there.” Rolan cleared away the texts, standing and replacing them to their spots on the bookshelf. He didn’t want to discuss the ball, or the Flaming Fist, or anything when he knew how easily it could lead to places and people he wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Friends that were long gone and most likely would never return.

“Right. Flaming Fist and all.” Cal stood as well, stretching to relieve his muscles from sitting in one place so long. “Should I check in on Tolna before bed?”

“No.” He said, realizing his voice was sharper than was necessary. Forcing himself to be gentler, he turned to his brother, putting on his best smile. The frown on Cal’s face only proved he was still terrible at it. “I’ll do it. I should secure the vault and check in on a few things anyway. Go. Get some rest.”

Cal hesitated, as if he wanted to say something, but decided better of it. “Alright. You’ll let me know if you need help, right?”

Rolan nodded, but he knew no matter how much help he needed, he wouldn’t bother his brother’s well deserved rest. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he gathered up his loose hair, tying it back like he used to do when they traveled the dangerous roads of the Storm Coast. If Cal noticed, he didn’t comment on it. “Of course. Now off with you. I have work to do.”

Cal knew better than to argue with him, it wasn’t worth the trouble. Even if Rolan was in the wrong, it took practically pulling teeth for him to admit it. When his brother finally exited through the portal, the wizard of Ramazith’s Tower was left in the echoey silence.

~~~~

Duke Ulder Ravengard’s estate was lavishly decorated with red and gold hangings, perfectly shined silverware, the glow of hundreds of candles creating the perfect romantic atmosphere for the couples that had already taken to the dancefloor. Gowns made of delicate fabrics in colors of indigo and crimson, lavender and silver, each one more beautiful than the last, billowed and swayed with each movement. Elaborate beading, expensive jewelry, fashionably coiffed hair…

Rolan still couldn’t believe he was here with the nobility as an equal. All of his ambition and dreaming never prepared him for this new life: the opulence, the respect, the wealth of knowledge at his hands. He knew how lucky he was for such a chance, he’ll always be grateful to Wyll and his friends for helping him acquire it. 

With a wave of his hand and a quiet recitation of a well-known spell, stars sparkled across the ceiling, falling in wide arcs of light and color, and a smattering of applause went through the room at the sight.

Cal inhaled sharply beside him, eyes fixed on the magic until it disappeared, wonder and appreciation  on his face. “Wow. That never gets old, does it?”

Rolan smiled softly, clapping a hand to his brother’s shoulder, enjoying the way his eyes lit up at the light show. Almost like old times. “I’m glad you convinced me to come. Now, go. Enjoy yourself. I am going to see if Lia is here yet.”

Cal met his eyes, hesitating. “Are you sure you want me to leave you?”

“I can handle some nobles, Cal.” Rolan held back a laugh at the incredulous look on his brother’s face. “I’m not that insufferable, am I?”

“Well…”

Pushing gently against Cal’s shoulder, he wasn’t surprised when he burst into laughter. “Get out of here, you menace.”

Cal was still chuckling as he melted into the crowd, in search of whoever he knew among the guests. The Flaming Fist was here in force, silent watchers in the corners of the room, although most threats to the Duke or the city had long disappeared with the destruction of the Elder Brain and the deaths of the Chosen Three. Baldur’s Gate, like much of the Storm Coast, hadn’t experienced peace such as this in years. He hoped it lasted.

Rolan had no difficulty finding Duke Ravengard in the crowd, he and Counsellor Florrick speaking to nobility and common folk alike, neither being barred from the Upper City as was once the norm. Now, everyone had a voice in the rebuilding, in the life that was going to bloom here, and Rolan was grateful to be part of it.

Perhaps there was hope, after all. Hope for a better future, for a happier one. A future where he didn’t have to regret or question the choices he’d made.

A future where he finally made a life for himself.

His sister was at her post near the back of the room, the refreshment table not far from where she stood. When Lia noticed his approach, a smile spread across her face, waving in the direction he’d come from.

“I knew you had to be here when the magic show lit up the room. Can’t stop showing off, can you?”

“I did it for Cal, if you must know.” He replied flippantly, reaching immediately for the Arabellan Dry and pouring a large glass full. “He is here, somewhere.”

“Probably searching for Lord Guthmere’s daughter.” She teased, pretending to be at attention when he glanced at her. “They’ve taken a liking to one another.”

“Please, Lia. Let’s not make enemies of the patriars of the city already. I don’t want to be chased out by a mob because you and Cal cannot be discrete.”

She was silent as he sipped the wine, watching the people of Baldur’s Gate flirt, dance, and stand a world apart from them. Even if he was considered among them, Rolan doubted he would ever feel as comfortable among the glitter and gold than he was in the Sundries library, discussing spells and history with other wizards, most notably Elminster and Gale, both of whom visited him frequently over the last year. It’d been quiet, informative, and immensely enjoyable.

“You look weird.” Lia said, barely concealed mischief flirting across her face. She wore her Flaming Fist uniform, the crimson fabric and silver iron looking right on her. He would never admit it aloud, but he was proud of the woman she’d become.

But that didn’t mean she didn’t still irritate him.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He brushed a hand over the rich blue robes he wore, enjoying how the golden threads shone in the light. Rolan had spent days searching for the perfect set of robes for the Duke’s ball, only to end up in Facemaker’s at the last moment to find something worthy of an archmage. “This was an expensive purchase.”

“You might want to ask for your money back.” She teased him, motioning to the ensemble. His frown deepened. “Half of it is missing.”

Rolan sniffed in irritation, lifting the goblet to his mouth again.“I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“Hells, you’re sensitive tonight.” Lia rolled her eyes so hard he was surprised they didn’t roll all the way into her skull. “I was joking, you idiot.”

“It’s difficult to tell when everything you say is a joke.”

She stared at him until his lips twitched, a smile curling his lips without his permission. Lia snorted a laugh, shaking her head but the expression on her face was approving. Figured.

“Why are you over here sulking, anyway? I’m sure there are plenty of people who would love to get to know the fabulous Master Rolan.”

He gazed into the wine glass, the dark burgundy liquid holding no answers to what plagued him. Only he knew and like hell would he explain any of it to his sister. 

He diverted her attention instead.

“Shouldn’t you be worrying less about me and more about protecting the Duke instead?”

Lia rolled her eyes, nodding to the Duke in question. “As if anyone is going to get past his entourage. Most of the Fist are here for the appearance of protection. Absolutely no one is going to hurt the Duke with a wizard prodigy, a Harper, and a damned vampire spawn protecting him.”

There was no doubt about that. The Duke’s son had left Baldur’s Gate to his father’s benevolent rule, but hadn’t left him alone. Many of his companions had either stayed in the city or visited frequently, to the point that they were welcomed guests at Ravengard’s.

“I suppose you have a point.” Rolan conceded before taking another sip of wine, refusing to meet his sister’s gaze. The last thing he wanted was to see her smug grin. She may have won this argument, but there would be plenty of those tonight and he wasn’t going to concede victory so early. “But then again, I am also here to protect our beloved Duke. Lest you forgot.”

“Could never forget a head that big.”

Rolan held his tongue when there was movement ahead, a gathering of the patriars and their guests as the familiar visage of Duke Ravengard appeared, calling for their attention as if his very presence didn’t immediately call for it. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed even Lia had snapped to attention, her chin held high and her focus entirely on the man she worked for. He’d never seen her so disciplined before. 

Perhaps he wasn’t the only one to truly benefit from the time they’d spent in Baldur’s Gate.

“Now that everyone has gathered, it’s time I explained why I asked you here.” Ulder Ravengard stood slightly raised above the crowd, a goblet of wine in his hand, Florrick and a few of his closest council standing a few feet off, watching with much less anxiety than the rest.

Whispers broke out, speculation running rampant. Ravengard raised his hands in supplication, a genuine happiness on his face that Rolan hadn’t seen much of since Wyll left for Avernus, and the guests fell silent, waiting with bated breath for his announcement. Rolan sighed quietly, trying to still the anxious flutter of his hands. He folded his arms over his chest, tucking his hands against his body, trying to ignore the foreboding that tickled at the back of his mind. 

“It’s been nearly a year and yet, I never gave up hope that my son would return home to Baldur’s Gate. To us.” Rolan didn’t miss the whispered ‘to me’ that Ravengard spoke under his breath. “And for the first time since that day against the Netherbrain, he isn’t alone. Please aid me in welcoming back the Pride of the Gate, your hero, and my son. Wyll.”

Applause and cheers mixed among the patriars, all turning as one as the enormous ornate doors opened once more to admit their heroes. Wyll Ravengard stood at the front, looking as much the hero as the Blade of Frontiers ever had, dressed in an impeccable doublet of black and gold, a prince among patriars.

The tiefling barbarian, Karlach, stood beside him with their arms linked, a radiant force with her wide smile and affectionate laugh, eyes sparkling with a fire that always burned within her.

Rolan hadn’t heard a single scrap of news regarding the tiefling with the infernal engine until now. Her return to Avernus was kept quiet among the companions and the few people who knew of her affliction. Duke Ravengard’s mood had soured considerably after Wyll left with her, refusing to let the woman he loved suffer alone, but tonight, there was a new light within the Duke… within them all. A happiness that Rolan hadn’t seen in so long. 

Wyll’s infectious laughter and wit immediately drew people to his side as it always did. He was surrounded by his usual friends, those that had helped him end the Absolute plot. The silver-haired cleric held a goblet of wine and a rather beautiful smile on her face. The wizard of Waterdeep with his jovial laughter and light hearted, yet silly jokes. The pale vampire who was the life of the party, taking in the attention with the air of a man who’d done this sort of thing his entire life. The High Harper and the former First Druid stood side by side farther back, discussing something at length with the Githyanki, supplied with all manner of drink and entertainment, preferring to shield themselves from the golden light that radiated from the savior of Baldur’s Gate instead of basking in it.

But none of them held the allure of the one who stood within the confines of their circle, out of place among heroes but never far from Rolan’s thoughts.

A tiefling blacksmith with a heart of gold and a smile to match it.

Dammon’s radiant smile was all the more blinding with the joy reflected in his dazzling blue eyes. He watched Karlach and Wyll with the pride of a friend, the affection of a brother. They had been his constant companions for nearly a year and yet, Rolan was jealous of the bond he’d so clearly built with them. 

It was then that Rolan realized what their return meant. Karlach was no longer burning up, the fire of the infernal engine stifled in her chest. 

They’d done it.

“It sounds like father has been telling tall tales about our exploits.”

“If anyone deserves to be a hero, it’s you, darling.” Astarion cooed at him, lifting a glass of wine to his lips. “Just take it before he decides to build a statue or something. The man is relentless.”

Karlach laughed, a harsh loud bark that was full of so much love and joy that it nearly broke Rolan’s heart. How he missed her vibrant personality, despite how loud and perhaps a tad bit boisterous she could be. Wyll took her hand in his, pressing a soft kiss against her knuckles, a gesture that felt too intimate for the setting.

He ignored his friend’s teasing and instead, tugged Karlach closer, slipping his free arm around her waist, their combined hands coming up in the imitation of a dancer’s pose. “Let’s lead this dance, shall we, my love?”

Karlach responded, but Rolan didn’t care what it was she said, what any of them said, not when Dammon had noticed him staring. Realizing his mouth was hanging open, he snapped it shut, blush crawling up his neck and cheeks to the tips of his ears. Dammon smiled at him kindly and approached as the heroes of Baldur’s Gate continued to the dance floor, ignoring the two of them completely.

Rolan’s gaze swept Dammon’s body, taking in the new piercing hanging from his pointed ear, the dark blue doublet with fancy cloak, gold clasps glittering in the light of a thousand candles.

“I didn’t realize you’d returned. This is quite the surprise.” Rolan said, trying to keep his voice as casual as possible, but knowing he immediately failed when Dammon glanced at him, curiosity winning out over anything else. He swallowed with some difficulty, a lump sitting painfully in his throat. Might as well have been his foot.

“Yes. It was… recent. Very recent.” Dammon cleared his own throat, suddenly captivated by the sight of the dancers. Avoiding his gaze, most likely. “Karlach is doing much better than I expected. Better than I had hoped. I’m proud of how far she’s come. She deserves a happy ending.”

And what of us?

Rolan’s shoulders stiffened as his gaze sought out the subject of their conversation. She was laughing loudly, her voice carrying over the music and the chatter. Rolan could acknowledge that she deserved this, both she and Wyll did, but he was still angry that Dammon of all people took that responsibility on to himself. To leave for the Hells, the very place they’d escaped from such a short time ago, to put himself in danger for a woman he barely knew. Only because of the infernal engine she carried. 

He took advantage of Dammon’s distraction to study him. The doublet he wore was a rich ocean blue, only highlighting the azure of his pretty eyes. His blond hair brushed his shoulders when he turned, watching a particularly handsome couple spin across the dance floor. The corners of his mouth tipped up, his expression gentle, softening his features. Longing thrummed beneath Rolan’s skin, the desire to reach out and comb some of that blond hair from his face, to tuck it behind an ear, if only to trail one of his claws across Dammon’s jaw.

“I suppose they all do. They did save us, after all.” Rolan forced the words out, trying to bridge the gap between them, the one that he had created when they’d last spoken. Because despite Dammon deciding to help Karlach’s mission in the Hells, Rolan was the one who’d taken a step back, reexamined things. He decided to leave the fleeting touches and longing looks behind him.

Rolan didn’t want to be left alone picking up the pieces of his heart when Dammon didn’t return. For a year, he’d been right. Dammon was gone, he wasn’t coming back, the Hells had torn him apart or had broken him. And if he did come back, what would be left? Would the man he cared for even still be in there, somewhere?

Rolan knew he wouldn’t survive that. Not after everything they’d fought against, fought for.

Dammon played with the edge of his cloak, the fine fabric shimmering with each movement. He was lost in his mind again, the revelry echoing in a sea of sound and color, a kaleidoscope of chaos. “Everyone here is a hero, in their own way. Even you, Rolan.”

He snorted, resisting an eye roll at the almost compliment. “Of course I am. My greatest achievements being almost getting killed by goblins and shadow creatures only to end up abused at the hands of a megalomaniac. You have a strange definition of hero.”

Dammon glanced up at his confession and Rolan realized too late what he’d admitted. He couldn’t meet the blacksmith’s gaze, this time he was the one to stare out into the crowd. “Lorroakan did what?”

Shit.

“I… Karlach told me about the aasimar, but not-”

Rolan waved the concern away, trying not to feel embarrassed at how easy it was to talk to Dammon. Like old times, indeed. “It’s fine. I’m fine. If it makes it easier to swallow, I helped to throw him from the Tower.”

“It does not.” Dammon sighed, closing his eyes and breathing slowly as if to calm himself. “If I had known, if you’d told me-”

“It changes nothing. Lorroakan is dead and I’m the new Master of the Tower. It’s taken a lot of work but it is mine now. And the Realms’. Knowledge shouldn’t be hoarded.” 

Dammon made a noise low in his throat. A strangled laugh. At least, that’s what he thought it was.

“Is something funny?”

“I didn’t expect you to see the silver lining in such an awful situation. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve always had confidence in excess.”

“Confidence or not, I’ve had plenty of practice surviving. We both have, it seems.”

Dammon bit his lip, concentrating on the words for what they were, a truth that was impossible for him to refute. They’d both done quite a bit of surviving over the last few years. Together and not.

And that was the problem, Rolan realized. Despite everything he’d gained, the safety and security of his position, the wealth and knowledge at his fingertips, the wonderful lives that he always swore he’d provide for his siblings, he was still in survival mode. A difficult habit to break, for sure.

“Rolan, I-”

Clearing his throat, Rolan cut Dammon off before he could get anything else out. The last thing he wanted was a heart to heart in such a public place, with the man who he, once upon a time, wanted something more with. “I apologize, but I really must return to the tower. It’s excellent that you’re well, Dammon. Truly. Perhaps, in the future, you can regale me with tales of your fight in Avernus.”

A brief flash of uncertainty crossed Dammon’s face before he hid it behind a smile. The blacksmith was always levelheaded, more so than Rolan ever was.

Rolan turned away, intending to disappear into the crowd without another word, when a hand clamped down on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks before he could take a single step. “Ah, here you are. The man I was looking for. Where are you off in such a rush?”

Wyll. Of all the people who could’ve caught his escape, it had to be the one whose disappointment would hurt most.

“I’m terribly sorry for leaving so soon… there are things I forgot that must be done, tonight-”

Wyll tsked, shaking his head with a frown on his face. For a brief moment, Rolan felt like a child again, being scolded by the matron of the orphanage he’d been abandoned at. The expression always rankled and this was no exception.

“The Archmage of Baldur’s Gate must stay for one dance. Come, I haven’t seen you in nearly a year and you’ve been standing here stiff as the statue my father said Lia had commissioned of you.”

“She did what?”

“I must insist that you enjoy yourself.” Wyll smiled kindly, nodding towards the dance floor. Rolan’s heart thudded dangerously fast in his chest at the thought of twirling among the other guests. Dancing wasn’t one of his strengths. He couldn’t recall ever having to do so. “Please. Think of it as a favor to an old friend.”

Damn him.

“I’m sure I can enjoy myself quite well with another glass of wine.” 

Dammon coughed, covering his mouth with a hand, eyes staring at his feet. Rolan easily saw the smirk he attempted but completely failed to hide. So this was an ambush, was it?

“You mustn’t leave us so soon, Rolan.” Wyll continued as Karlach joined them, the fitted ebony gown looking even more stunning up close. She slipped her hand into Wyll’s, the joy of being to touch her love clear on her face. “There is plenty of fun left to be had.”

“But, I don’t have a partner.” Rolan responded, a smug grin aimed in the direction of the blacksmith. Dammon’s eyes widened slightly, as if he realized where Rolan’s thoughts had gone. If I have to suffer this madness, then so do you.

“Crazy idea!” Karlach interrupted, a grin breaking out across her lips, excitement sparkling in those glowing golden eyes. “You and Dammon could dance. Together. Because if it’s one thing I know after all of this crazy shit, it’s that everyone needs a chance to find that special person that makes them better. And Dammon here,” Karlach nudged him with an elbow, a grin that could light the Hells on her face. “Well, let’s just say he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since we left for Avernus.”

A blush colored Dammon’s cheeks at the revelation. “Karlach!”

“Was it a secret?” She asked, seeming genuinely confused and Rolan might’ve laughed if he wasn’t so embarrassed. “Come on, the two of you are irritatingly obvious and if I have to throw you into a wardrobe until you finally just f-”

“What Karlach means to say is-” Wyll cut her off, tugging her away from the two of them with a laugh. But not before throwing one last look at them. “Enjoy yourselves.”

Karlach’s laughter faded into the murmurs of the crowd, the son of an Archduke and the tiefling barbarian he loved finding the time to enjoy their lives now that the latest crisis had passed. Rolan released a breath, feeling the tightness in his chest ease only a little, a new fear warring inside of him. With a quick glance in Dammon’s direction, he wasn’t surprised to see the blacksmith studying him. 

“I think that was the most polite threat I’ve ever had aimed at me.” 

Rolan laughed, feeling breathless, and perhaps a little dizzy. It was definitely a threat, but one he might actually not be afraid of the consequences of. “I guess we have only one option then. That is, if you’re amenable to a dance.”

Hells, was he really doing this? He didn’t even really know how to dance a proper waltz.

Dammon raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him. “Is that what you want?”

The man was so annoyingly handsome, with his light hair cascading around his face and striking blue eyes that haunted Rolan so many nights since their first meeting in Elturel. And here they were, both alive and settled in Baldur’s Gate, surrounded by friends, living the future they’d only dreamed about. Dammon was watching him intently, a soft grin curling his lips in a way that left Rolan’s insides feeling like pudding.

Holding his arm out in invitation, he tried to quell the erratic beat of his heart when Dammon linked their arms together, fingers brushing softly against his forearm.

Dammon was alive. After all of this time. The Hells hadn’t destroyed him, hadn’t changed him. His eyes were still kind, soft, beautiful. And to touch him after everything...

The room was too warm, too crowded, too bright, but when Dammon turned to face him in the midst of it all, everything faded to background noise. The only thing Rolan could see was the hypnotic azure of his eyes, a golden ring around his irises that was the same color as a noonday sun. There was a pink flush to his cheeks, the candles in the chandelier above highlighting the gold in his blond hair. Dammon was ethereal, dazzling, and too good for him.

The orchestra began its song, the music swelling around them as Dammon took the lead, free hand sliding to Rolan’s waist while the other gripped his hand gently. Then, without warning, they were moving, no, gliding, across the dance floor, their feet barely touching the ground as they went. Rolan knew there were eyes on them, he felt them burning into the back of his head, but the look of unadulterated bliss on Dammon’s face kept his attention.

There was nothing more beautiful to him than the sight of Dammon’s smile as they spun in the complicated dance, his face flushed in exhilaration, a laugh on his lips that came out awed, delighted. 

“You’re good at this.” Rolan said, forgetting himself in the moment. He felt weightless as Dammon changed direction, stepping even closer. Blush creeped up his neck at the soft brush of their chests and his breath caught in his throat. “Uh, dancing, that is.”

Dammon chuckled, barely able to hide the smile on his face. “You are kind to say that. I admit, it’s been a while.”

The music picked up speed, a tempo that had the rest of the dancers spinning madly around them. Dammon’s gloved fingers tightened on his hip, digging into his waist and if his hands weren’t protected by the thick gloves he wore, his claws would’ve drawn blood. Rolan clenched his hand against Dammon’s shoulder, letting the music distract him from the sudden uncomfortable feeling flooding through him. Closing his eyes, he let Dammon lead him through the dance, each twirl and sway of their bodies, each tap of their feet to the rhythm, each brush against the other’s body nothing short of intoxicating.

Rolan wanted to stay in this moment indefinitely, free of responsibility for the first time in months, with the air rushing by as he realized how much he truly did enjoy dancing. At least, he did in the arms of a man who clearly knew what he was doing. 

“Can I be honest with you?”

Dammon’s question pulled Rolan from his mind. He opened his eyes to find his friend watching him intently. His eyes begged for understanding, for a chance to be vulnerable. Rolan, at least, owed him that much. “

After a beat, Dammon realized his breath, tilting his head slightly to watch out for other revelers, focusing on everything but Rolan’s face. Almost as if he couldn’t bear to see his expression at his revelation. “I didn’t believe I would survive the trip to Avernus. I’d accepted that the Hells would be my tomb. That I would never see the sky again. Never see my friends from Elturel again. But whenever Karlach or I started to doubt, the Blade of Frontiers was there filling our heads with hope.”

“That does sound like him. Irritatingly so.”

Dammon laughed, a soft sound that loosened the butterflies in his stomach and he nearly felt as if he’d be sick. “If there is one word to describe Wyll Ravengard, it is hero.”

“A hero, yes, that’s for certain.” Rolan snorted, leaning forward to glance around them. Guests were still coming and going, and would be well into the night, and for a moment he contented himself with watching the glittering jewelry and fabric, the gilded gold and gemstones, the dancing lights above. It was lovely to behold, this moment of peaceful bliss.

“Do you have an issue with heroic types, Rolan?”

The question brought his gaze back to Dammon and the smile that greeted him there. He was teasing, eyes hooded and sparkling with laughter, and they twirled again, in their own world where no one else but them existed. “Depends on the hero we’re talking about. But to answer your question. No, I don’t have an issue with them. Not anymore.”

With a shake of his head, a breathless laugh escaped his lips, but he didn’t once take his eyes from Rolan’s. “Well, that’s excellent news because I’m dancing with my hero. To be fair, I almost feel like I'm dreaming.”

Rolan might’ve scoffed if the admission didn’t shock him. “Me? A hero? I think the Hells scrambled your brain.”

Dammon rolled his eyes, but sidled closer, their bodies touching again as they danced. “You saved us in the Shadow-Cursed Lands. I wouldn’t be here if not for you so… thank you.”

Rolan broke eye contact, staring at where their hands were entwined. Maybe… this was a second chance. Maybe there was more here than either of them expected. Perhaps, together, they could figure out what that was.

With a smile, he returned his gaze to Dammon, thoughts of a divine dream dancing in his head. A dream that he refused to imagine for so long that he craved it as much as he did the wine in his goblet. His hand tangled into the golden locks that brushed Dammon’s shoulders, enjoying the shiver that ran down his spine at the silkiness. 

“If you’re staying in the city, I’m certain I’ll need your heroics to save me. From a stuck cork in a wine bottle, perhaps?”

Dammon laughed, the sound a balm for the soul but did little for the erratic beating of his heart in his chest. “I’m sure I can handle that.”

Yes, quite the divine dream.

[rin-and-jade]

Hey there! I've been researching information about DID, OSDD and partial DID because while I have bpd and PTSD, my experience cannot be fully explained by those alone. Recently I found out about partial DID and it fits my experience incredibly well but there's one part I'm not sure about. In the ICD11, they mention something at the end of the diagnostic requirements:

"The symptoms result in significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning. If functioning is maintained, it is only through significant additional effort."

This isn't really specific enough for me, since my other disorders can be used as explanations for many a "significant impairment" I have in daily life. So I was wondering if maybe you guys had an idea of how this impairment would look?

I still have a month left before I see my therapist again (in a clinic) and I get scared of bringing up things that turn out "wrong", so I'm trying to figure this out without him for now until I see him again. That is why I wanted to ask someone else for their insight and opinion on this. Thank you so much in advance

When it comes to impairment in dissociative disorders, it would be two main things i can see;

Memory, and sense of cohesive self:

In some form or another, amnesia is prevalent for systems, and there are signs like incomplete memory, lacking the emotional aspect of a memory (such as, a friend threw me a party, i seem to react X but i can't feel it personally) Or frequent forgetfulness, that's not normal but sadly it is for us.

And the other one when i mean sense of self, we're made of different facets, it was supposed to be integrated but instead compartmentalized. So this means systems are having a hard time being consistent, especially for p-did where switching fronts are rare or to none you are still going to feel a lot of passive influence from the others. Socially, this can confuse people because one day you'd hate broccoli and the other day you'd like it,, or even picking choices, big or small.

Also lastly, bpd and p-did can look very similar because both have multiple selves that seem to chit chat, but the clearest sign i have seen is if its more to normal commentary (can't really be talked like a separate person), still recognized as a part of you, and do not act very different like alters im pretty sure this has a high chance it belongs to bpd. But if it has different names, different looks, wants, and all those system stuffs, high chances it doesn't belong to bpd and instead more to a system thing.

Hope that answers it, let me know if it's still not clear i'd be happy to add more on the comment later on.

- j

[chaifootsteps]

So anyway. I'm enraged <3 everything about the music video makes me mad <3 I figured at LEAST if nothing else it was nice that Paranoid DJ got some more recognition. Honestly, amazing for him! He's a stand up chap and he deserves every good thing that's ever come his way. Like Micheal, Ashley and other unsung heros he did SO MUCH for hazbin/helluva and making us fall in love with the characters. BUT. THEY. BARELY. CREDITED HIM. And I am mad. I'm even more mad she did nothing in the video captions other than stick a middle finger up to her haters and the drama of the week. That is not the spirit of indie I fell in love with where she used to thank all her viewers and supporters, staff and collaborators. So instead I decided to look for something happy! SPINDLE'S PRECARIOUS FINANCES: https://graphtreon.com/creator/VivienneMedrano Notice on the graph the steady drop in subscribers Viv has gotten on her patreon since this time last year, 2022. (5.1k to 3.5k) If I'm being generous and looking at her peak a few days ago, (because everyone drops their sub and resubscribes at the end of each the month) she makes about 5.7k a month which adds up to 68.4k a year. Which could sound like an okay salary for ONE person but her patreon says she employs "100+ artists and crew members". that is 100+ people she is paying. I spent forever learning about youtube pay rates tonight. RPM is the term used for the amount a youtuber makes per 1000 ad views and it varies SO MUCH its hard to say what Viv's RPM is. BUT!!! The average rpm for a youtuber is $18. However many many forums have discussed that the category of a video greatly changes its rpm. For example, finance and tech videos have a top rpm due to their demographic (more affluent viewers that advertisers want to target) the younger/poorer the video's audience demographic is, the lower the rpm. Gamers are considered among the lower paid but EVEN LOWER THAN THAT are animators. They make PENNIES. (which is kind of sad because they have the highest effort videos and can't mass produce) I've seen animators say they get about 40 to 60 cents per 1000 views. I have no idea what vivziepop makes from youtube but I think it could be $600-18,000 as an absolute ceiling per 1 mil views.

Again, she has an entire studio to pay. Therefore, MOST of spindles money comes from merch and when you factor in the EXTREME oversaturation of merch with the declining viewers, toxic fandom and obvious loss of interest from die hards (based on her patreon) her merch sales are PLUMMETING. Her vacation money right now is probably from her Hazbin contract. Apparently for first time show runners, they make about $30,000 per episode. That's $240,000 she made for season 1 and will make maybe that much or more for season two. It's a good amount of money!! But with her spending rates, the mortgage on her home (that can't be paid off if she was begging for money to pay her dentist in 2019 and hadn't bought the house yet), her lifestyle and studio are NOT sustainable unless hazbin/helluva is her just her foothold in the industry and not the apex of her career.

While she's living the high life like she's 'made it' her whole career is in a very precarious place and what matters the most right now is her online conduct and the quality of her products to determine if she will find work in the future. Of course on the most pessimistic front, she could probably pull it together and do what she does best and leech off other peoples talents for the rest of her career. (eg stepping back, becoming the ceo of spindle and bringing in a network of indie shows by talented new creators that she can slap her name on as a producer and get half the credit)

Anon, there's not a lot of things I enjoy more than good, hard number crunching at Viv's expense. This is sublime.

Hope you're enjoying that Japan-spanning trip full of tea shops and abused animal petting, Viv, because it was probably the worst thing you could have done for yourself at a time like now.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Forced marriage (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

So this is something new for me, an AU, part of the Alpha and Omega universe. It's super long and not really edited because I got carried away- 8.9k words. Let me know what you think about this!

Now that this is finished, I will start on other requests I've gotten.

Summary: Y/n is an Alpha, Alyssa an omega. Their families have never gotten along. They were forced to marry each other as a sort of peace treaty. 

"It's not a discussion. This is the chance for us to finally put all the hate and fighting aside. To provide a better life for both families and the community. You will marry her. You don't have to like her or the situation, but we expect you to make an effort in front of the families and in public. Am I clear?"

At least they had respected my sexuality and not forced me to marry a guy. I clenched my jaw, knowing better then to disrespect my father, "Yes sir."

"Good. We will be having dinner tonight, be on time."

"Mr and Mrs Naeher," I held my hand out for him to shake before taking her hand and kissing the back of it, "It is a pleasure to meet you both." 

I wasn't happy about this situation, quite the opposite actually. I understood their reasoning behind it, but it meant I would lose the most important person in my life. Our families had never gotten along, no one really knows the reason behind it. This marriage was their way of starting fresh. Both families cared a lot for the community and the people in it. With our families combined wealth and power, a lot could be done to benefit both our families and the community. 

"Miss Y/L/N, the pleasure is ours. This is our daughter Alyssa."

She was not impressed, that much was obvious though she tried to hide it. I held my hand out, kissing the back of hers as I did with her mother, "It's nice to meet you Alyssa."

An obviously fake smile appeared as she released my hand, "You too."

We sat down for dinner, each family on opposite sides of the table. Neither Alyssa or I said more then a couple of words throughout dinner. While our parents went back and forth bringing up different achievements, what we were like as kids and pretty much anything they could think of to talk us up. It was awkward, I hated being talked about at the best of times let alone when at a family dinner with the woman I was being forced to marry. Going by how tense Alyssa looked, she was feeling pretty similar. It only got worse when our wedding was discussed. The irritation I was feeling at the situation kept rising the more they discussed our lives, it was getting to the point where I would snap if I didn't get away. 

When there was a break in conversation I stood up, making everyone look at me, "If you would excuse us, I think Alyssa and I should spend sometime getting to know each other."

They all agreed so I walked out, Alyssa following behind me. Once we made it to the dock overlooking the lake, I sat down letting out a breath, "Fucking finally."

Alyssa sat down as far away from me as possible, "I can't believe this is happening. Why would you agree to this?" Alyssa asked, annoyance and irritation clear in her voice, "Can't get an Omega yourself so you have to force one to marry you?"

"You think I wanted this anymore then you did? I was forced into this just as much as you were. I have a fiancé for fucks sake. Someone I planned my life with, someone I'm going to lose because of this. You can go out, see or sleep with anyone you want, I don't care, but we are getting married whether we like it or not. We need to act like it in front of our families and in public." 

"You're an alpha aren't you? How are you forced into this?"

"I am, but while my father is alive and still head of family I answer to him."

Alyssa didn't say anything, so I spoke up again after a few minutes, "I will never force you into anything. You can do whatever you want. I know it's a required part of a wedding, but I won't mark you. There are work arounds to it. It'll be like we are flat mates or whatever. Separate rooms and we don't have to interact outside of the expectations set for us."

"Thank you," Alyssa replied quietly actually looking at me briefly. 

If we had to be around each other all the time, I wanted things to be at least a little less awkward so I attempted conversation. I didn't really know much about her so I went with pretty much the only thing I knew, "My parents said you live in Chicago, soccer player right?"

"Um yeah. I guess I'll have to change clubs though seeing as we're expected to live together."

"I'm not going to make you leave your team. I can work from anywhere so I'll move to Chicago. There will be plenty of times where I have to come back, but our parents never said where we have to live."

Alyssa looked surprised, "You would do that?"

At this point, I would do anything if it meant space from my family and if it meant not having to see the girl who's heart I was about to shatter. I knew I wouldn't be able to move on if I saw her all the time. I knew I would be living in constant pain if I stayed, "If we're away from them then we spend less time pretending. It's up to you if we live in your apartment or find a new apartment or have separate apartments assuming we can get away with that."

"Something tells me we won't get away with separate apartments, we need to be seen regularly. I like my apartment, but it is only a one bedroom, we need at least 3."

"Why 3?"

"You said you can work from anywhere so I'm assuming you need an office."

"You're actually thinking about me?"

"Look, this is happening whether we like it or not, it's neither of our faults and we need to make the best of a bad situation. Might as well not completely hate each other."  "To be fair, I don't hate you, I hate the situation. You haven't done anything wrong."

"I'm sorry for how I spoke to you earlier, you are an alpha. It was disrespectful."

"Don't. We're not alpha and omega, we're Alyssa and Y/n. I hate all that bullshit stuff, in my eyes we're equal." ---

Our wedding was planned for 2 days after we met. Each side wanting it to happen quick incase someone changed their minds. By some miracle, I had convinced our parents that we wanted to keep the marking part of the ceremony private. Something the would be just ours in amongst the craziness that had been the last few days. I wasn't sure how we would get past the mark not being on our neck next time we saw them, but that was a problem for another day. Right now I had to get through marrying a person I barely knew and who barely liked me while my fiancé and hundreds of people watched. 

"I vow to protect you and love you with everything I am. I vow to honor you, defend you and always be your comfort. I vow to never be the reason you shed a tear or hurt for the rest of our joined lives."

The vows were not written by us, they were vows that had been passed down in my family for generations. For the most part they were okay, though the one part I refused to say or have Alyssa say was the part about commanding and obeying. I meant what I told Alyssa, in our relationship, no matter how fake it was, we were equals. It was a small sacrifice on my parents part to ensure the wedding went ahead. 

I hated every word I was saying. Not really because of the fakeness of them, but because they were never supposed to be for Alyssa. They were meant for the woman I've known since we were 5, the woman who I planned my life with, the woman I loved more then myself, the woman who I had promised myself to. They were meant for the woman that was currently watching with tears in her eyes as I promised myself to someone else. Anyone would have thought the tears slowly forming in my eyes were because of marrying my 'mate', but in reality it was because I had to watch the heartbreak on her face.

The kiss was the most awkward part. Alyssa was a good kisser, but it felt wrong. Kissing someone other than Amara was something I had never planned. Let alone doing it in front of so many people where I had to make it look like I didn't want to run away. 

A fake smile covered my face, anyone who knew me knew it was fake, but no one said anything. I went through conversation after conversation pretending this was the happiest day of my life when in reality it was the worst. All I wanted to do was hide. Everything in me wished that this was all a dream and I would wake up in Amaras arms. I don't think I ever wanted to smile again after today. 

I hated to think what Alyssa was feeling through all this. I knew she hated this as much as I did. Pretending to love each other when every touch, kiss and discussion was forced. It was a torture that we would never escape from. In someway I was glad she was who my parents picked. At least we were on the same page about how this would work and in how we felt about it. 

I kissed Alyssa's cheek before excusing myself to the bathroom. I needed a minute away from everything before I broke. Amara walked into the bathroom a second later, instantly wrapping her arms around my waist. A sob racked through me as I held her tightly, savoring what would likely be the last time I got to hold her like this, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Amara. Please don't hate me."

Amara pulled back to cup my cheeks, "I could never hate you Y/n. It's not your fault, there's nothing we can do to change it. I wish with everything in me I could do this, but I can't. Not when I know I will never be able to fully have you again."

"It's okay baby. It wouldn't be fair for me to expect you to. God, I hate this so much. Will I ever see you again?"

"One day. I need time, but I don't want to lose you completely Y/n, not with how long we've known each other. I just need time."

Our lips connected in an emotional kiss. A goodbye kiss. I savored the feeling of her lips against mine, the feeling of her pressed against me. We stayed wrapped up in each other until a knock on the door made us split apart. Thankfully, it was Alyssa, "Y/n, your parents are looking for you."

"I'll be out in a minute."

I pecked Amaras lips one more time, "I love you."

 "I love you Y/n. I know you're not happy about this, that this is fake for the most part, but your life is connected now. Treat her right." 

"You know I will," Just because this was forced, didn't mean I would treat Alyssa any different. It wasn't Alyssa's fault that I was losing the person I loved most. I hoped we could be friends at least given we would be spending a lot of time together. 

Amara walked out first, I didn't let go of her hand until she was out of reach. I took a second to pull myself together, before leaving the room. Alyssa was waiting outside, sympathetic look on her face. 

"Do I look like I just broke down?"

"No, you can barely tell. Are you okay?"

"No. Are you?"

"I hate every part of this. It's suffocating. Do you think we can escape?"

---

I had let Alyssa pick out the apartment. It didn't matter to me where we lived, I was just glad we had some distance from our parents. The last thing I wanted was to be around them all the time, especially when I was still working my way through the break up with my fiancé. Well ex fiancé I guess. She had picked a nice 2 bedroom place with an office, open plan living and kitchen with an island. I was most excited about the kitchen since I loved cooking.   

It was pretty awkward at first while we got used to being around each other. After a while though it faded, we were pretty much roommates at that point. We would make small talk, but mostly kept our distance. 

I had just sat down on the couch to watch a movie when Alyssa walked past. Normally I would just leave her be, but I had decided to start putting in more effort to interact with her, "I'm going to watch a movie, do you want to watch with me?"

Alyssa looked unsure, but sat down on the couch anyway, "Um sure, what are we watching?" "We bought a zoo. I know it's kinda old and maybe lame, but it's my comfort movie."

She smiled, "I like it. You said comfort movie, are you okay?"

"I will be, it's just hard you know? Adjusting to not having her with me is taking a while."

"I get it. It's okay to not be okay. I'm sorry this is my fault."

"Hey, it's not. I don't blame you for this Alyssa. Please don't blame yourself. This was forced remember?"

"I know, I just hate that you're hurting so much because of this. Just so you know, I'm here if you ever need anyone. Just because this was forced, doesn't mean we can't be friends right?"

"You're right. I'll be okay in time."

---

"Hey Alyssa?"

"What's up?"

"My parents are visiting and they've decided to stay with us."

"Oh, when are they coming?"

"Tonight apparently, they just decided to tell me now."

"Do we have to make it look like we sleep in the same room?"

"Yeah, they said we have a 2 bedroom so we must have a spare room. Sorry."

"Do they really expect that we act like a married couple? They're unbelievable, we didn't even want this to begin with. Do they seriously think we would have just fallen in love?"

I chuckled a bit at Alyssa rant. She wasn't wrong, "I don't know what they think anymore. Let's keep the peace though. I guess we need to clear out the room."

We were halfway through moving my stuff to Alyssa's room when she exclaimed 'shit'. I spun around, doing a quick scan to make sure she wasn't hurt and there wasn't anything dangerous, "What?"

"We don't have mating marks. How do we hide that?"

I really had no idea how we were going to get away with it. My parents were very perceptive so it was likely we would get called out, "Honestly, I don't know how well it'll work but we could just wear hoodies? It's all I got."

"Worth a shot I guess."

My parents had arrived a couple of hours ago. We had made it through dinner, doing everything to keep their focus away from where our marks should be. So far they hadn't noticed the lack of marks, well so I thought anyway. My dad pulled me aside later that night and I knew we had been caught, "You haven't marked her."

"Permission to speak freely sir, as your daughter?"

Dad sighed and sat down on the steps, "Go for it."

I sat down next to him, taking a deep breath to get the courage to actually speak freely. It was something I did very rarely, preferring to keep the peace by keeping things to myself. 

"No I haven't and honestly, I'm not going to. No one has noticed except you, we're planning on keeping it that way. You remember this is all fake right? I'm not going to mark someone I was forced to be with, it's not right or fair to Alyssa. We don't even sleep in the same room, the only reason we are because of you guys. We're doing everything you've asked, all I ask is you respect my position on this."

"You are right. I will accept it up until the point where someone notices." We sat in silence for a few minutes until he spoke up again, "I am sorry you know? About all of this, about Amara. We hoped you and Alyssa might actually hit it off eventually, but we appreciate you playing along."

"I didn't have a choice, but it is what it is. I do understand your reasoning and appreciate your apology. I don't think Alyssa and I will ever be together like that, but we will keep doing what we have to." I hadn't thought about Amara in a little bit. It was easier to pretend she didn't exist then dwell on something I couldn't change. It didn't stop me from asking about her though, "How is Amara doing?"

"She kind of disappeared for a while, but she seems okay. Less miserable, more herself again from what I can tell."

The topic wasn't brought up again as we just hung out watching tv until my parent went to bed. Alyssa and I following suit pretty soon after.

Alyssa and I were getting ready for bed. It was a bit awkward considering this is what we normally do separately. My parents knew we didn't share a room, but they were my parents after all so I wasn't going to make them find somewhere else to stay and my office didn't have a spare bed or couch. 

I went to lay a blanket on the ground to sleep on, but Alyssa stopped me, "What are you doing?"

"Sleeping on the ground."

"You don't have to do that, unless you really want to. I don't mind sharing a bed for a night or two."

The only reason I was going to sleep on the floor was so Alyssa wasn't uncomfortable. Reluctantly, I slipped into bed next to Alyssa, leaving a decent amount of space between us. I found being this close to Alyssa somewhat awkward. Not necessarily because of the situation, but because we had only just made it to friend level. We were still in that stage of getting to know each other and figuring out how we worked as friends.  

Alyssa turned on her side so she was facing me, "They know we haven't marked each other?"

"They do. I made it clear that I wasn't going to mark you. Dad said he would accept it until someone notices."

"I hope you know I really do appreciate it."

"Appreciate what?"

"That you are willing to fight for this."

"I always will, not just for you, but for me as well. When I told you that I would never force anyone to do anything and that everyone was equal, I meant it. Those are values that I live by, it's who I am. If I can't stand up for that then it's worth nothing."

That was more open then I planned, but I actually didn't mind it. Alyssa and I would likely spend years together so I wanted her to know who I was. I wanted her to trust me, to feel like she can rely on me to do what I vowed. Not the loving part in a romantic sense, but in a friendship way. While we may not be together, I would stand by my vows. I would protect, honor, and defend when needed. I would also be a comfort if that's what she needed. 

Alyssa smiled slightly, "I'm starting to see that."

----

"I'm sorry you have to come to camp with me."

"It is what it is. What do you teammates know about us?"

"Honestly, they know it's an arranged marriage. Don't worry they have no connections to our families and I trust them."

"It's fine. I guess they don't like me very much then?"

"They weren't happy about it, but I think they understand that it's not your fault."

Alyssa tired to reassure me that everything would be okay, but I was still nervous. These were the people closest to her which meant I would be spending a lot of time with them. I would like them to at least not hate me so things wouldn't be so awkward. They were all nice as they introduced themselves which helped ease the nerves. That was until Alyssa was out of earshot and I was surrounded by her team mates. Honestly, it was a little intimidating. I tried my best not to show it while I waited for someone to say something. 

Kelley broke the silence first, "So have you marked her?"

"No and I'm not going to."

"What's it like being an alpha with an omega forced to be with you? I bet you can do whatever you want with her," Ashlyn asked. 

I hated that that's what they thought. I had always vowed to never force anyone to do anything no matter what their position was especially Alyssa, "In theory I probably could, but I wouldn't know. I would never force Alyssa or anyone for that matter to do anything. This was never something I wanted, I had a girl before this, someone who was supposed to be my forever."

Someone pat my back, "You're cool."

"What?"

"Sorry, we just wanted to test what Alyssa said, make sure it's true. It's a shitty situation, but we're glad it was you and not some person who would force Alyssa to do stuff," Christen explained before asking, "What happened with your girl? Surely you told her it was fake."

"I did. She didn't want to sneak around, see me have to pretend to be with Alyssa so she ended it. I understood and honestly expected it, but that doesn't mean it hurt any less."

Alyssa came back just after I finished talking, she placed her hand on my shoulder, glaring at the girls, "I told you guys not to interrogate her."

"It's okay. They just want to make sure you're okay."

----

Some of the girls had decided they wanted to go out and dragged Alyssa with them which meant I was dragged along. Everything was going well, I was getting to know some of the girls more even dancing occasionally. That was until I looked for Alyssa in the crowd and found some guy gripping her arm while Alyssa tried to back up looking terrified. 

I forced my way between them, pushing him back. For the first time in the 6 months I had known Alyssa, I felt an intense sense of protectiveness crash over me, "Back off."

"You back off, I saw her first."

"Yeah? Well I fucking married her so back the fuck off." I forced out dominant pheromones laced with warning as he stumbled back. I heard quiet whimpers around me as I did my best to narrow the range so it was solely focused on him. Once his back hit the wall, I whispered, voice dangerously calm, "You come near her again and I will rip you apart."

I made my way back to the group of girls who were shielding Alyssa. Once I got to Alyssa, I felt the urge to wrap her in my arms, away from everyone, but I settled for placing my hand on her forearm. "Are you okay?"

Alyssa nodded, though she still looked very tense and was slightly shaking. I led her through the crowd and outside, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I-I'm fine." The distressed pheromones coming off her told me otherwise. I tried to keep myself as calm as possible so I didn't make it worse. In reality, I was resisting every urge to go back and beat the crap out of him for doing this to Alyssa. I slowly stepped closer, she didn't step back so I opened my arms to offer a hug. Alyssa hesitated before wrapping her arms around my waist, nose nuzzling against my neck. I released soothing pheromones as she relaxed against me. My heart seemed to race and butterflies erupted having her this close to me. I chose not to focus on that, instead holding her tighter in attempt to calm her down. "Thank you."

"Always. Do you want to stay?" Alyssa shook her head so I led her back to the car. I texted the girls to let her know I was taking her back to the hotel, and also seeing if any of them wanted a ride. No one wanted a ride so we left. I kept my fingers laced with hers during the drive, knowing she was still anxious.

"Can you stay with me?"

"Of course." I slid into the bed next to her. Alyssa seemed stoic and hard, but in reality she had a soft side. It showed more when she was happy, tired or nervous. It was the side of her that quickly became my favourite. 

---

Since the incident at the bar, I noticed myself getting way more protective of Alyssa. Not just protective, but territorial as well. Whenever another alpha would come near her I would have to fight the urge to growl and pump out pheromones. I had never done it, it wasn't my place. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, whether it was just because of what happened or because of something deeper. All I knew was I needed to be away from her to figure it out and so I didn't do something that would make her hate me.

"Hey Alyssa, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Um I'm heading back to Chicago."

"What? Why? Did something happen? Did I do something?" Distressed pheromones wafted from Alyssa. It wasn't expected. Honestly, I didn't expect her to care that much.

I smiled in attempt to reassure her, "You didn't do anything, there's somethings I need to sort out. It's just easier back home."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure."

It had been a week and a half since I left and it was official. Being away from Alyssa sucked. There was a constant ache in my chest and worry settled in my stomach. I had fallen for Alyssa without any warning or way of stopping it. I didn't know what to do, there was no way Alyssa returned the feelings. I mean we had barely made it to friends.

Alyssa pov

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Christen as she answered the door.

"Of course, do you want me to ask Tobin to leave?"

"No, no its fine. I could use her point of view."

"So what's up?"

I sat down on their bed with a sigh. Both Christen and Tobin sat next to me, giving their full attention, "You two spent plenty of time apart after you were mated right? What did that feel like?"

"At first it was horrible. I was down and my heart ached all the time, all I could think about was Tobin, like I would do anything to be with her again."

"Same here, though I had this worry, anxiety that would never go away. After we marked each other, it was easier. Not so much heartache or worry."

Christen rest her hand on my arm, squeezing gently, "Why do you ask?"

"That's what I've felt since Y/n left," I admitted just loud enough for them to hear. It was kind of embarrassing. I had always told them that I wouldn't ever fall for her, that our relationship would never be anything more than an act. Well look how that turned out. Here I was falling for her without any ability to stop it. There was just something about her. I had met so many alphas in the past that treated omegas as a lower class, but Y/n never did, she didn't just say it, she showed it. Y/n was kind, caring and respectful with everyone she met unless they gave a reason not to be. She made me laugh more then anyone ever had even without trying. 

It had been hell since she left. My heart ached every time I thought about her which was pretty much constantly, I just wanted to be with her. Honestly, I missed her like crazy. 

Tobin barely held back her laugh at my confession. I didn't blame her, if I looked past the embarrassment and probable heartbreak, it was pretty funny. "You've fallen for her? Man that's such a cliché."

I chuckled quietly, "I know right. I had hoped it wasn't that. How do I stop it? There's no way she feels the same."

Tobin gave me a sympathetic smile, something that told me I wouldn't like the answer, "Unfortunately you have to wait until it fades which can take a long time, but I wouldn't be so sure about Y/n not feeling the same."

There was nothing about how Y/n interacted with me that showed she felt the same. Sure, she had helped that night in the club, she's always respectful and caring, but that was who Y/n was. We were just friends, that was something I just had to accept and try move on, "What makes you say that?"

"Before she left, every time someone would come near you it looked like she wanted to rip them apart. I even heard her growl once. That's what I was like with Chris before we started dating and up until we became bonded."

"I never knew that."

"We learn to hide it as best we can. While you're not ours, we don't have the right to do anything. Ask any of the alphas, I guarantee they've all felt the same."

I groaned, my face hiding in my hands. Why did things have to be so complicated? "What do I do?"

Tobin patted my back, I probably would like this answer either, but I was honestly stuck on what to do. I could hide it and deal with the silent heartbreak or tell her and deal with the awkwardness again. It was a lose lose situation regardless, "Tell her."

"If she doesn't feel the same then I'm just making things awkward again. We've finally passed that stage."

"I know that Lys, but it's either that or you keep feeling like this while you wait for it to go away. I know it's not what you want to hear, but even rejection will help ease it."

---

Alyssa was coming back today and I was restless. Excitement, anxiety, relief all making it impossible to do anything other then wait for her. When Alyssa walked through the door I relaxed immediately knowing she was okay, she was back and safe. It took everything in me to not rush up to her, instead I stayed on the couch shouting out. "Welcome back, how was the rest of camp?"

Alyssa flopped down on the couch next to me, "It was good, glad to be home though, nothing compares to my own bed. Did you work through your things?"

"Uh yeah, mostly. I was going to make some dinner if you want some?"

"That would be great, thank you. Do you want some help?"

"No, it's okay. You stay here and relax, I got it." I forced myself to the kitchen. All I wanted was to be as close to Alyssa as possible, but I knew I had to start pushing my feelings aside. I knew I couldn't have Alyssa the way I wanted. That didn't mean I was going to jeopardies the friendship we had built by acting weird. It didn't really work because Alyssa came and sat at the island making small talk while I cooked pasta. There was something peaceful about talking to Alyssa about random things while I cooked. It was something I could get used to, I had to keep reminding myself that all we would ever be was friends. I would savor it while I could. 

We watched a movie while we ate, knees pressed together as we ignored how close we were. That was definitely a new development.  After the movie, I excused myself to do the dishes then hide in my room before I did something stupid, like tell her what I was feeling. An hour later there was a knock on my door and Alyssa asking if I was awake. 

"Hey, what's up?" I asked. The anxious pheromones Alyssa let off had me slightly worried. She was obviously tense. I stopped myself from releasing soothing pheromones, instead putting my laptop aside to give her my full attention.

Alyssa played with her fingers, avoiding eyes contact. She really had me worried, I had never seen her this nervous before, "Can we talk? Tobin said this is the only way to make it better."

"Make what better, is everything okay?" 

"Um, not really. Well it's nothing serious, but actually it might be, uh you know what? It doesn't mat-"

"Alyssa."

"Huh?"

"You're rambling. Come on, tell me what's wrong. You can talk to me about anything," I did my best to reassure her and hopefully calm some of her nerves. It didn't seem to work, but she did reluctantly sit down on the side of my bed when I invited her to. 

Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut before words came tumbling out, "So, um I think I might have fallen for you. Being away from you hurt like nothing I've ever experienced. My heart felt like someone was constantly squeezing it, all I could think about was you, I needed to be by you."

It was honestly hard to keep up given how fast she was talking, but I got the basics of what she was saying. I took a few seconds to properly process what she had said. She had confessed to the last thing I ever expected. Alyssa sat there looking both nervous and relieved at the confession. "I'm sorry if this makes things awkward again, but there's no expectations, I just-I just needed to get it off my chest because even rejection has to be better then what I have been feeling. Say something please."

"You're serious?"

Alyssa nodded before standing up to walk out, "It's okay Y/n, I didn't expect you to feel the same. I just needed you to know. I'll see you in the morning."

Before I realised what was happening, I jumped up, grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving, "I thought if I put space between us then it would let me work out my feelings, stop me from doing something stupid because of how protective and possessive I was feeling. It did, but being without you was torture Alyssa. I was constantly thinking about you, worried about if you were okay, counting down the days until you came home. When I saw you after camp, all I wanted to do was hold you, be close to you. You weren't mine though, there was nothing I could do about any of it."

"We're married remember? That's the definition of yours."

"Forced marriage remember? We may be married, but it was forced. You're not mine, I was never going to cross that line, never going to do anything that I didn't know if you wanted me to."

"Maybe so and I appreciate that, but I want you and I'm yours if you want me Y/n."

I lent forward, slowly connecting our lips. It felt like everything fell into place, a sense of peace falling over me, all the worry and heartache faded away. I felt a bond forming, a bond I had never felt with anyone before, not even the person I thought I would spend my life with. Maybe Alyssa was it all along. I held her closer, letting out a content rumble. 

Alyssa chuckled against my lips before pulling away and resting her forehead against mine, "My big bad alpha is purring."

I pouted, "Am not. Cats purr, that was appreciation."

"Sure."

"Shush," I whispered reconnecting our lips. She was everything I didn't know I was missing, everything I wanted. 

---

"Y/n/n? You here?"

"Office," I called back not taking my attention off my project. It was almost done and I really wanted to get it done tonight. That way I could spend the weekend with Alyssa without worrying about work. It was stressing me out a bit because I had promised her I wouldn't work this weekend. I was a graphic designer and had been getting a lot of projects recently which meant I was very busy. That combined with Alyssa's training schedule, we hadn't had a lot of time together. Alyssa had the weekend off, I had promised to not work so we could spend time together. I always kept my promises. 

Arms touched my shoulders, massaging gently, "You wonder why you have a sore back all the time when you have posture like this."

"I know, I know. I need to get an adjustable table."

"You've been saying that for months. Why are you so stressed?"

"Sorry love, I'm not really that stressed. I just want to get this done tonight so I can keep my promise to you."

Alyssa kissed behind my ear, the spot that always calmed me down. I relaxed a bit into her, "Why don't I order some dinner for you since I know you haven't eaten and you focus on that? After you get up and stretch, have a drink and maybe stand on the balcony for a minute or so. I also know you haven't done any of that in a while."

I stood up, arms wrapping around her. Alyssa let out soothing pheromones, I let myself relax against her as she rubbed my back, "What would I do without you?"

"Starve to death. Now come on, the sooner you get this done, the sooner you don't have to worry about it."

After eating, Alyssa left me alone so I could focus on finishing the project. I would have loved nothing more then to cuddle with Alyssa on the couch, but I knew I couldn't. 

It was about 3 am when I found myself quietly sneaking into Alyssa's bed. We had agreed to keep our separate rooms while we developed our relationship. We would stay in each others room a couple of times a week as if we were dating and not already married. Her arms wrapped around me from behind, nose nuzzling in the crook of my neck as I pressed up against her. 

"Finished?" She mumbled sleepily.

I turned around to place a soft kiss to her lips, "Yup, I'm all yours this weekend."

Her face buried in the crook of my neck, shallow breaths telling me she was about to fall asleep again, "Good. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. Go back to sleep."

We literally spent the weekend cuddling, cooking, getting coffee and watching Netflix. It wasn't exciting, but it was the best weekend I've had in a long time. Being with Alyssa makes everything more fun. 

---

Since marrying Alyssa 10 months ago, we had only had to see our parents a handful of times. We talked to them semi regularly, but there was still some resentment so we had been avoiding actually seeing them. I had however been summoned by my father. Thankfully Alyssa had sometime off so she could come with me. The anxiousness and heartache when I was away from her had definitely eased a bit, but we hadn't done the marking yet so it was still very noticeable. I also just hated being away from her. 

"Y/n, Alyssa thank you for coming."

"Of course, you said you had something to talk about?"

"You want to get right into it?"

"Might as well, then we can catch up."

He motioned for us to sit down before speaking, "I've decided to step down as Alpha."

"What? Why? Are you sick?"

"No, nothing like that. I'm getting older, I want to enjoy my retirement. This means it's your turn to take over. I know it's a lot, but it would mean you can dissolve the marriage, move on with your life. Decide how to better co-exist with Alyssa's family."

"Uh, I need time to process this. Let resume in the morning."

Alyssa was tiding up the room slightly while also getting ready for bed while I sat on the bed, staring into space. My fathers announcement had me lost in my thoughts. I didn't want things to change. 

A kiss to my temple brought me back to reality, "You okay? You've been quieter than usual."

"Do you want to dissolve our marriage?"

"Um, I haven't really thought about it since we started to actually be a thing. Is this about what your father said earlier?"

"I didn't expect him to retire so early."

"How do you feel about taking over?"

"I'm not sure I want to anymore. If I take over then we need to move back here, I don't want to make you move. Before you say anything, it's not just because of you, I like living with you in Chicago, I like my life the way it is."

"Who would take over if not you?"

"My brother. He would be a good alpha, we have very similar values and ideas. He would let us get a divorce if that's what you wanted."

Alyssa stopped what she was doing and sat next to me on the bed, fingers lacing with mine, "You keep asking if I want a divorce, but you haven't indicated what you want."

"If you want to I will, but it also scares me. What if it changes our relationship? On the other hand, I would've liked the opportunity of proposing to you and having a wedding we actually wanted."

"First off, the only thing that would change is you can't say 'that's my wife' or yell at people that 'you married me so back off'," I chuckled quietly, remembering the night in the club and the many games recently where I've yelled 'that's my wife' in the stands. Alyssa always shook her head and rolled her eyes, but the small smile told me she actually liked it. "There's nothing to say we can't have another small wedding with our friends even if we stay married now. We don't have to make a decision now, but I also don't want you to choose based solely on what I want. Same with if you take over as alpha or not."

I kissed her softly, trying to show my love and appreciation for her. We hadn't said those three words yet, but I knew I loved her. So I decided while I was already being honest, to just tell her, "I love you Alyssa."

She smiled, connecting our lips in a lingering kiss, "I love you too Y/n. Let's talk about this tomorrow, it's been a long day."

We slipped under the blankets, my head resting on her chest, arm over her stomach and her arm wrapped around me. I may be an alpha, but I loved being held. It made me feel warm and safe especially knowing the conversation I had to have with my father tomorrow. I didn't want to be the families alpha, that much I knew. I just didn't know how my father would react. 

It was only 5 minutes into breakfast when dad brought up the topic of his retirement. I was hoping for a little bit longer to work out how to tell him. "So about me retiring, I don't have a set date, but it'll be pretty soon. You can move back to your old house."

I cleared my throat, hand resting on Alyssa's thigh for comfort, "I am not taking over the position of family alpha."

"What?"

"I've thought about it a lot and it's not what I want anymore. I'm sorry."

"Why? What made you change your mind?"

"I like my life the way it is. My job, Chicago and my life with Alyssa. Micah will be a great alpha, probably a better one then me."

My mum looked more shocked then my dad, her being the one to speak up this time, "You and Alyssa are actually together now?"

"Um yeah, we have been for a few months now."

Dad looked at me for a few seconds before nodding, "If this is what you really want then I respect your decision, and will inform your brother. I'm happy for you both."

After the slightly awkward breakfast with my parents, we had escaped the house fairly quickly. Alyssa and I were walking around town. My arm was wrapped around her shoulder as we walked. We would never normally walk like that, but since our community was around, we had to show off a bit more.

"Hi Y/n, Alyssa," Amara greeted stopping in front of us. 

"Hey Amara."

Alyssa kissed my cheek before whispering in my ear, "I'll give you some time."

"So is this still an act?"

"No, it hasn't been for a few months now. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise for being happy Y/n, it's all I've ever wanted. Besides, I met a girl as well."

I hugged her tightly, I had definitely missed her,  "That's awesome. I'm happy for you. Do you think we can go back to being friends now?"

"I would love that."

---

Amara had called while I was in the shower. At my request, Alyssa had answered it. Only a couple of minutes had passed when I walked back into the room expecting Amara to still be on the phone. Instead, I found Alyssa sitting on the bed, my phone next to her. 

"Oh, did she hang up already?"

Alyssa nodded, frown planted firmly on her face. It worried me a bit, but I pushed it aside when she started talking, "She didn't have a lot of time, but invited you to her family barbeque. I told her you would text her when you got out."

"Do you want to go?"

"I don't think I'm invited. Go have fun." Her tone was kind of icy, something I hadn't heard since we first met. 

"I'm not going without you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. She clearly wants you there so go."

I still wasn't sure what was going on, but with her tone and posture I had some idea, "Lys, are you jealous?"

"No."

I knelt down on the ground between her legs, hands resting on her thighs as hers automatically covered mine, "You know I don't want her any more right? You are the only one I want Alyssa."

Alyssa sighed, looking down and playing with my fingers, "Sorry, I know I'm being pathetic. It's just when I saw you two together, how you hugged her, I remembered how much pain you were in when it ended, how much you loved her. My mind spiraled I guess."

I kissed her softly, thumb running over her cheek. Trying to show how much I wanted her, how much I loved her, "Baby, you are not being pathetic. It's okay to be jealous, I'm just glad you're talking to me about it. Just know that I want you Alyssa, only you okay? Yes it hurt like hell when we broke up, but I moved on, I fell in love with you. To be completely honest Alyssa, I fell for you hard. What I feel for you doesn't come close to what I felt for Amara. We have known each other since we were 5, I don't want to throw that friendship away, that's all I want though."

Alyssa surged forward, connecting our lips in a passionate kiss. I melted into it instantly, hand cupping the back of her neck to keep her close. This was something I would never get tired of. I had meant every word I said. The way I craved being around her, kissing her, touching her. Even if it was the smallest touch, I craved it. I loved Amara, but I craved Alyssa in a way I never had with anyone before. 

"I don't want to dissolve our marriage," I whispered, forehead resting against hers. To me there was no point in it, given that I would just want to remarry her anyway. Alyssa was my mate. It had taken a while to realise it, given the circumstances in which we met, but with what I felt for Alyssa, there was no doubt about it.

A wide smile appeared on Alyssa's face as she pecked my lips, "Neither do I."

After making out for a while, I pulled away to text Amara. 

Y/n: What's this about a BBQ?

Amara: You remember my families annual BBQ? Mum said to invite you and Alyssa, she misses you. Also, I want you to meet Mia.

"We're both invited, she wants us to meet her girlfriend. Will you come? Please? Her family is awesome. I think you'll like them."

"Are you sure you want me to come?"

"Of course I want you there. I'm only going if you come with me."

Alyssa had somewhat reluctantly agreed to come with me to the BBQ. As soon as we walked through the gate, my name was called. I turned around to find Amaras mum walking up to me. We had always been close, she was practically a second mother to me. I was worried she hated me for what happened, but the wide smile and open arms told me she didn't.  

I eagerly accepted the hug. She always did give great hugs, "Laura, you look amazing as always."

"Always the charmer Y/n. I'm glad you came, we've missed you around here."

"I wouldn't miss it. I've missed you guys as well. This is Alyssa, Alyssa this is Laura, Amaras mum."

"Ah the wife, it's great to meet you Alyssa," Laura pulled Alyssa into a hug, she looked slightly awkward, but hugged her back regardless. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you too Laura. Thank you for inviting me."

"Y/n is family so that makes you family. The rest of the family is out the back."

"Aunty Y/n!" Three of Amara's nieces ran and jumped at me. I just managed to catch them as they hugged me as tight as they could. I had known these kids since they were born and spent a lot of time with them. They were definitely the members of Amara's family that I missed most. When I introduced them to Alyssa, she was instantly bombarded with questions while I talked to Amara who had just walked up to us. It was really nice to catch up with Amara, but I also couldn't take my eyes off Alyssa. Seeing her sitting on the ground, listening intently to what the kids were saying even though it was mostly a bunch of nonsense. I think it made me fall for her more.  

"You really love her don't you?"

"I do. You know I did love you right?" It had only taken just over 6 months for Alyssa and I to get together. To a lot of people that would be quick after breaking up with someone you were going to marry. The last thing I wanted was for Amara to think I didn't love her as much as I told her I did. 

Amara glanced at a woman walking towards us, before replying, "I know Y/n. I loved you just as much. We've both moved on, sure it might have been a bit quicker then people would expect, but that doesn't take away from the love we had for each other. It just wasn't supposed to be. We're happy, that's all that matters."

The woman had stopped next to Amara as we were talking. I was thinking it was her girlfriend. Alyssa had also joined us as the kids had run away. "Y/n, Alyssa, this is my girlfriend Mia." 

"It's nice to meet you Mia."

We spent the rest of the night catching up and talking to different people. It was really nice watching Alyssa open up a bit more and actually interact with Amara and her family. They were all a big part of my life so it was a relief that they got along.

---

I had my hand resting on Alyssa thigh as we sat on the bench in the locker room. Alyssa didn't really like PDA, neither did I. However, I also felt the need to be touching her in someway. I guess it was my way of ensuring  she was still there and safe. It settled the protectiveness and worry. A hand on the thigh, knee or back, sometimes hand holding was a compromise we had settled on. 

"You know you don't have to pretend with us right?" Ali asked making the rest of the girls nod in agreement. 

Alyssa squeezed my hand, smiling at me, "Um, actually it's not fake anymore."

"So you two are actually together now?" Kelley asked, laughing when Alyssa confirmed, "That's such a cliché. We're happy you're happy."

I laughed. The whole situation was a whole cliché, but I wasn't mad at it, "Right? Thank you."

"So have you marked her now?"

"Kelley!"

"What? It's an innocent question."

It did get me thinking about it though. Alyssa and I hadn't talked about it since the day we met. I knew it was probably something we should talk about now that we were together. Neither of us had brought it up yet, "No I haven't."

I had been thinking about mating marks all day. It's not that I was desperate to mark Alyssa or anything, but I did want to at least see what her thoughts were, "Hey Lys? Can I talk to you about something?"

"Anything."

I lay next to her on the bed, lacing her fingers with mine, "Um, you know how Kelley keeps asking about marking? I was wondering how you felt about that?"

"About her asking?"

"No uh about the marks in general."

"I'm definitely not opposed to them especially with you. Um, I'm not ready yet though, unle-"

I knew Alyssa well enough to know where her thoughts were going. It would definitely be something like if I wanted to she would. I didn't want her to go there though, this was something that I wouldn't do until I knew she was really ready, "That's okay. I just wanted to check where you stood on them. There's no hurry or pressure Lys, we're on your timeline. You just need to let me know when you're ready."

Alyssa kissed me softly, "I will."