#but idk I’ve never gone on a post saying stop being racist and posted ‘I’m not racist and I’m so mad ur implying I am bc of XYZ’

[starlooove]

It just gets so frustrating lmao as a Batman fan if you wanna ignore racism and talks about racism and how ur behavior might just be a tad bit influenced by racial bias you can literally go everywhere else. Why are u going on the racism post and explaining how what u do specifically isnt racist. Like either ur wrong and lying or stupid or ur right and shouldn’t be here in the first place.

[neon-junkie]

unpopular opinion: Micah is terrible but he shows instances of having real, human emotions and completely erasing those moments to paint him as a 100% monster is a disservice for the fandom.

arrrrkajslkfjdsglk okay I'm gonna break Micah down and explain why I like him, just bc of everything going on and cause you've summed that up perfectly. Let's make one thing clear - I don't stan his actions, I never have, I never will. A lot of ppl seem to keep ignoring that lmfao. AND we all know that Micah is a fucking piece of shit. He's the devil. We know. Like the list goes on and on and on when it comes down to why Micah's garbage, but I guarantee you, there is NOBODY out there who actually *stans* him. He's a villain and damn good one. Now. Relating to what you've said, this man has just as much emotion as everybody else. I think the people who view him as an emotionless monster have either never seen ANY camp interactions with him, or they just choose to ignore them. For whatever reason. Idk. It is VERY obvious that Micah has 100% been abused by his father, probably physically as well as mentally and emotionally. He openly talks about the monster that his father is, and he KNOWS that he is just like his father. Now, Amos (his bro), on the other hand, has managed to break away from that lifestyle, straighten his ways, and settled down. Micah is so obviously jealous and even takes the time to write to his brother, probably to try and rekindle their sibling friendship or whatever you wanna call it. Amos basically goes 'NO' and slaps that idea right out of Micah's head, so I do feel bad that Micah was rejected. Amos makes it clear that he will only rekindle that if Micah changes, but he doubts Micah is able to change. So now his only 'role models' are gone - his father and Amos - Micah has nothing left to lose. He has no family, friends that encourage his chaos rather than help fix him, and no partner. He's a loose cannon, and without guidance, Micah will only continue to fire. That's why he sucks up to Dutch so much, because he STILL needs acceptance, praise, and guidance, and Dutch gives him all of that. Yeah, it's creepy to see, but that man must be dying inside if he'll literally lick Dutch's shoes just for a bit of acceptance. Micah clearly does try, like his approach to making friends is so cringe, but he's clearly never ever done this before, and he's only following the ways his father taught him. I mean, we see him still try to befriend Arthur at the start of the game, but Arthur barely looks at him and just continues to shoot him down. I know Arthur is probably following his gut, but people can't say that Micah didn't try. And we see him try it on with the women of the camp, he's clearly desperate to at least find a partner, and probably secretly jealous that his brother has that and a family. And if his brother can do it, then maybe he can too? and we do see him try. But Micah's no rapist, and it makes me cringe when ppl say that. There's a good post about it (here) that I won't go into detail, u can just read that for urself. So - Micah has nothing to lose. The camp doesn't want him there, so it's no sweat off his nose if he rats them out. Obviously, I don't agree with it and I think Micah should have just left, but then that'd be a very boring game lmfao.  There's nobody stopping him from causing chaos, and he's just going to continue to do what he was taught to do - be a fucking piece of shit. But to say he has no emotions? You sure about that? It's SO obvious that Micah still craves acceptance in any form, whether it's from a friend, a partner, his mentor, etc. He NEEDS acceptance and he seems very lost without it. And it's so clear that Micahs past trauma still controls his actions, and he clearly has no idea how to even begin accepting and moving past his trauma. That man just needs a therapist asap. Peter Blomquist said it himself, that Micah is essentially just misunderstood. (here) And well, if his own actors said that then why the hell do people continue to ignore it? Because they just want to hate Micah. They view him as an evil and racist piece of shit and just want to hate that, which everybody does cause yanno, it's bad. But they continue to ignore that Micah, like Bill, suffers from a lot of mental trauma and issues, and his past has resulted in the person that he is today. I’ll say this AGAIN, I’m not condoning his actions, far from it, I’ve said many times before that Micah is fucking garbage, we just find him interesting. Honestly, I think if the gang was accepting, or if Micah had someone to shove him in the right direction, then he would have redeemed himself and fixed his ways. Things like racism are taught, and if you can teach it, then you can unteach it, just like Bill begins to learn. Micah is a villain and that's why I like him. Again, I don't support or stan his actions, but it's just so refreshing to see someone so chaotic and loose. People saying that you shouldn't like Micah because he's racist, also choose to ignore the fact that Abigails abusive, so why do y'all still stan her when we see the way she speaks to John? or the way she physically abuses him? So abuse is fine but racism isn't? hmm.  But if we shouldn't like Micah because he's bad then why the hell do we like characters like Darth Vader or all the fucking Disney villains? Have you seen how much merch those criminals have? But a bunch of strangers on the internet having a wank over the ratman is bad? We're allowed to enjoy those but not Micah? big sigh. Peter also said that there's nothing wrong with liking Micah. You're allowed to enjoy villains, it's not a fucking crime, and it doesn't mean you support their actions, it never has done.

PLUS, this is a game full of mass murderers?!?! Arthur does a LOT that is considered questionable, such as beating a terminally ill man into his grave, but people choose to draw the line at Micah. You’re free to enjoy whatever fiction you want, but there’s no line you can draw. Well, you can draw a line for yourself, but you can’t rule what others can and cannot enjoy.

It's just SO tiring (personally) to constantly see happy endings and pure, wholesome, golden characters. I'm a sucker for bad guys and seeing them win, so when I played RDR I was like 'oh yeah, this is what I need' and that's probably why Micah's my fave lmao. It's so refreshing to see, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. Some people just enjoy villains, big whoop. We need to stop expecting characters to be pure cause that's just so unrealistic. Everybody has flaws of all different kinds, and that's what makes these characters human. Like, are we just choosing to ignore the fact that Arthur is the most wanted out of the gang, who has probably murdered the most people? Do we just wanna sweep his kill count under the rug and choose to hate Micah based on the one fact of him being racist? The whole fucking gang are outlaws, they're all essentially villains, even the babies like Kieran!! Micah is just as complex as every other character in this stinky game, and people who refuse to acknowledge his layers and just portray him as a monster are whack as shit. And remember, those who tell you what you can and can't enjoy are just as bad as Micah Bell himself. Especially the ones who abuse you over FICTION.

[subjecta5newtella]

thoughts on newtmas :) go on :) i’m listening :)

sami rly said ok time for violence. this is going to be so long sorry everyone.

if we’re talking newtmas itself as a ship in itself, outside of any other influence (and specifically in the movie version, which is generally what people are talking about), I think it’s a good ship. I would have to be the most unobservant motherfucker alive to not see what people see in it, and I am not, in fact, the most unobservant motherfucker alive. it’s a good dynamic with good chemistry and realistically I think if I’d started with the movies rather than the books, I would’ve gone all in for it.

however. I personally am incapable about talking about it in isolation.

I realize from that segue it sounds like I’m about to lead into some grand moral point, but mostly I just liked how dramatic it sounded. anyway. I feel like I need to start with a disclaimer that the easiest, simplest part of this is that you tend to get attached to your first ships in a fandom, as well as your initial feelings about the characters. obviously you can change your mind about any of those things, but it does stick with you. if we’re going to be kind and skip my internalized homophobia era (please be kind), I shipped thominho and nalby because that’s what was big at the time. I also just... did not like book thomas very much, so I wasn’t about to ship him with my favorite character.

(complete and utter tangent: it’s interesting to me that people read the books now and overwhelmingly see newtmas. I recognize that every time I start a sentence with “it’s interesting that” it automatically sounds shady, but i genuinely just love Analyzing. anyway some of it’s definitely people seeing the movie first or having fandom content as a first exposure even in passing, all of which are valid ways to engage, but I do kind of find it fascinating when people talk about book!newtmas as some massive presence because then... theoretically we all should’ve seen it pre-movies? the ship existed, usually among people who hardcore multishipped, but it wasn’t anything like it is today. not at all to say that reading it like that is invalid, it’s just interesting to me the way some people talk about that interpretation, rather than the interpretation itself)

anyway. with that all out of the way, i do have some actual issues with newtmas, although it really doesn’t have anything to do with the characters or the ship itself. these are things that surround the ship and affect my feelings about it, meaning that I never bought in despite, like I said, Seeing It. my main issue with it is how much the roles of other characters have been reduced to create the ship in its current form. I’ve talked at far too much length about the way minho was adapted and honestly will probably talk about it more, because that’s the big one to me (that post can be found here, for those who don’t keep up with every rant I’ve ever gone on for some reason). I will not go so far as to say that’s required reading to fully understand this post, but I would recommend it since I don’t want to just repeat myself. so much of newtmas being the major ship feels like it’s predicated on minho not being there and not having anywhere near as strong a relationship with thomas and newt as he did in the books, and that will never sit right with me.

newt’s relationship with alby is his other most significant dynamic outside thomas and minho, and i feel like it might be surprising to hear me say this, but i get why that one was reduced for the movie. there’s only so much time in the film, so you want to focus on the characters who are going to make it past the first one. I do have a problem here, but it has more to do with dashner and with some fandom bullshit. with dashner, i think the crank palace is the worst of it (I could’ve just stopped that sentence at “I think the crank palace is the worst” but whatever). since all my rants lead back to each other, I’ll link the relevant one here, but the general gist is that my biggest problem was that newt does not seem to have any more of a post-swipe past than thomas does despite theoretically having two more years of memories. given that fact, I don’t know about you, but I would kind of expect alby to be more of a presence in his consciousness. that’s true of pretty much any of the original gladers, but newt and alby are clearly very close in the first book, and again, alby saved his fucking life. he’s literally mentioned once. dashner prioritized the newt/thomas dynamic so much that newt seemingly had no meaningful relationships with anyone else. tcp isn’t immune to treating minho badly either; like I said in that post, it sounds like newt read the wikipedia page on minho. is any of this the fault of the ship itself? does this change anything that came before it? no, but the whole thing feels massively disingenuous, and also kind of disrespectful to people who actually, like, gave a shit about the other characters. also, the way he’s retconning makes me real nervous.

the other part, like I mentioned, is the fandom more than any of the actual content. I’m aware that part of this is just a statistics game and also that’s it’s not representative of all newtmas shippers, but most of the alby bashing I’ve seen comes from newtmas people. it’s... baffling to me, honestly. what’s the point in putting down a ship being kept alive by me and like 3 other people? what do you gain by misrepresenting a character to the point of maliciousness when you could easily just not engage with them? again, I know it’s not everyone and it doesn’t have anything to do with the ship, but I’d be lying if I said things like this don’t color my perception. if someone goes out of their way to put down a ship I like, I’m not really gonna want to associate myself with their ship. I’m gonna cling to my own harder out of spite, actually.

also.... okay. so I peaced out to go do other shit between earlyish 2015 and mid 2019. and it was very weird to temporarily leave the fandom while the two main (in my recollection at least, which could be biased by who i was friends with) mlm ships each included one of the explicitly non-white characters, and come back to find it almost entirely dominated by white boy/white boy... like. I don’t wanna make a statement as simple as “the fandom is racist” because a) it’s not my place to say that, b) if we want to go into that, there are other examples of fandom racism where it’s Blatant and there really is no excuse, whereas this is a bit more complicated imo because c) like. that’s the dynamic the movies gave us. the movies focused very heavily on the newt and thomas dynamic, so of course that’s what the fandom is going to focus on. there’s a lot to say there, but that’s a different issue. it does.... still contribute to the bad taste in my mouth, though, and also contributes to me feeling like I need to keep those ships alive. it’s not about who has the Most Progressive Ship, I just feel weird about the particular shift I’ve seen here.

on a note that sounds less like I’m leveling accusations, New Relationships just aren’t my vibe. you look at my ao3 and it’s like. friends of many years to lovers. established relationship. friends to lovers to exes and back again. just from a dynamics perspective, there are other ships that are more interesting for me to explore. there. this is a lighter reason.

idk overall I don’t wanna sound like I’m on some Moral Crusade here, even though i know some of my points made it sound like that. this is really just me putting all of my thoughts that I can currently round up in one place in order to... idk, explain myself? and like it’s stupid that i feel the need to explain myself, but I know it’s weird not to ship it at this point, and I know if I did I would have so much more content to choose from and a much wider audience for my own content. there’s just baggage there thats entirely separate from the ship itself, having seen the shift and knowing what had to change in order to center newtmas. I’m not trying to sound like I’m better than anyone; I just think maybe I have a different perspective on things having been here for long enough to qualify it as a new mental illness, and that’s ultimately why I feel the way I do.

[kitkatopinions]

I'm tired of fantasy world writers being like 'oh, this is my allegory for racism in my fantasy world where actual racism doesn't exist, also I'm going to not do any research on how to properly include said allegory, badly portray it, make my main characters affected by this white or white passing, and then use racist stereotypes later.' Long post full of RWBY criticism ahead.

RWBY is terrible with the Faunus racism they chose to make part of their story. They made the White Fang an evil terrorist group, they made Blake lecture fellow Faunus about how they're the ones actually hurting themselves by using violence against each other, they framed comfortable and peaceful protest as the only good way despite establishing that peaceful protest didn't work, and they made their child slave coded character who literally got branded turn into nothing more than an abusive stalker and then had him killed without ever addressing the aforementioned child slavery. Also, the only Faunus among our main cast now that Sun is gone is one of the most privileged of the Faunus. Blake can pass as a human if she wants to, she grew up fairly rich, she has two loving parents, and she comes from an inherently powerful position as the daughter of the Chief. Having Blake be privileged would be absolutely fine, if she acknowledged her privilege, wasn’t the mouthpiece on Faunus rights, if she wasn’t the only Faunus in our main cast, and if she didn’t repeatedly lecture other Faunus.

On top of that, two of our main cast have been racist (within the narrative of the show) towards our main Faunus character, one of them learns from it (even though that as well was badly handled) and became the only member of Team RWBY to ever call out human's being racist after season three. Oh wait, except the other member of our main cast that was racist that never had it addressed because it was treated like a joke now has yelled at a racist once, in an incredibly tense situation, so I guess her racism is gone. It’s good that it’s gone, since CRWBY is pushing her and Blake as a couple, but it’s frustrating that her racism never even got a ‘that wasn’t funny’ and we never see Yang learn any better, because it feels like CRWBY brushed it off and acted like it was fun and quirky instead of treating it like the casual racism it was. They do a similar thing with Robyn in season seven which came out in 2019, when she calls Marrow ‘Wags.’ Also none of our main cast are ever seen protesting for Faunus rights (sans a two second flashback of child Blake at a rally and a non canon RWBY chibi cartoon.) I don't think Ruby - our main protagonist - has ever even mentioned Faunus rights. In a world where Adam was branded with the SDC logo under fifteen years ago at the most, racism and fighting racism should be a big part of the story, and instead, it's brushed to the side and used for the occasional 'we don't like racism btw' moment now that Blake got rid of a Faunus run terrorist group. To me, this implies that the number one threat to the Faunus… Was the Faunus, and although some humans are still anti-Faunus, no one has to devote their time or energy into fighting for equality. In season 7, Blake doesn’t even attend the rally of the political figure running against Jacques Schnee - who as far as I’m aware, is the only business owner or person in power who has ever displayed anti-Faunus racism in the show. By the way, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. It’s been a hot minute since I watched through the show.

Instead of attending a rally that seems very important for the Faunus, Blake goes dancing with her crush. It’s like she stopped caring about politics and rights after the White Fang got removed. That feels so bad. Also, I'll note that most of the actual POC Faunus that can't pass as white in this show are on the bad side (Sienna, Fennec, Corsac, Lionheart, Ilia, Marrow.) And either they die, or they must learn to give up their destructive ways and become better people. I’m not saying this was intentional, I’m saying it’s a pattern, it’s alarming, and the writers should’ve known better.

I believe Miles Luna and Kerry Shawcross have admitted that they mishandled Faunus racism, but first off, it still doesn’t excuse them because they were grown people putting out a product that premiered in 2013 and they should’ve known to do research and do better. But second off, I still feel like they haven't done the research they need to and continue to mishandle the racism by ignoring it when they want to and bringing it up only to let us as an audience know Weiss and Yang aren't racist anymore. They can’t just cut the Faunus from their storyline now, but they can’t just ignore it, and need to actually make it a better allegory. Honestly though, one of the big reasons I'm convinced that they still haven't done any real research on how to properly portray POC or racism is because of how terribly they're handling the Ace Ops.

They're writing a fantasy show, they aren't tied to real world portrayals of law enforcement, but they went the route of commentating on real world police, corrupt police, and use of excessive force. That's fine. But things are already pretty dicey just starting off because of how they've mishandled and continue to mishandle Faunus racism. Outside of Jacques Schnee and his company and business partners, I don't remember seeing Faunus racism in Atlas (not Mantle, Atlas.) If I'm wrong about that, again, please correct me, I may have missed it. But without seeing actual discrimination against Faunus within the police force, right off the bat, that's a mishandling of commentating on police brutality. But also, other than Clover who is now dead, the Ace Ops are all people of color. CRWBY made their bad cops all not white. Even Ironwood - who is white passing - is voiced by a person of color who has said he believes that James is Chinese American. I'll point out that being a Hunter is pretty much just being a cop with more freedom and seemingly less rules. Qrow (a Beacon Huntsman) goes around destroying public property and comments on how some hunters work outside of the law, and yet it's only the Ace Ops who are held to real world ACAB rules and everyone else gets to be a good cop/law enforcement officer. Ruby gets to proudly proclaim herself a Huntress, Weiss gets to arrest people, Jaune gets told that he deserves his Huntsman license, we've been getting told for seven seasons that Hunters help people and do what's right, and we're given long time Hunters and mentor figures like Oobleck, Glynda, Qrow, and now Robyn is being framed that way, and they back that up. Even training Atlas soldiers like Neon and Flynt are fine and fun. But only the Ace Ops are bad, corrupt law enforcement officers. So that way, we can have the entirely white passing Team RWBY beat up the entirely POC, not white passing Ace Ops. Even though Team RWBY is a byproduct of the same kind of program and even though we’ve seen the police discriminate against Faunus in Vale. If CRWBY wants their allegories to be taken seriously, they need to recognize that RWBY and co are also certified police. Also, it’s really not funny to see people use ACAB as a reason why the Ace Ops are of course bad, but then turn around and simp for Winter, and be like ‘We want Winter to be redeemed, but Harriet? What a bitch!’ Like… I’m side-eyeing that pretty hard.

Speaking of Winter, now she’s in charge of the Ace Ops. But unlike Marrow, Winter doesn’t just look sad sometimes and blindly only follow direct orders without protest. She’s actually feeling all kinds of things, and she’s actually being framed as strong, intelligent, and reasonable. I’m sure no one forgot this, but I’ll note it anyway; Winter is white. Having Winter be the only Ace Op to actually listen to JRY and do things without James explicitly telling her to (although I don’t consider what she did a betrayal or going behind his back) is dicey. They could’ve given this moment to Harriet and nothing would change. ‘This lady typically follows orders, is short tempered, and pushes down her emotions, but she can still recognize a fairly good idea when she sees one and can actually think for herself, so although this isn’t a betrayal, she compromises and lets Team JRY go after their friend.’ Yeah, idk guys, I feel like there was literally no reason to slot Winter in with the Ace Ops to be the lone voice of reason when Harriet could’ve become the new leader and played the exact same role. Instead, Winter gets to have a power move where she puts Harriet in her place. Winter is given actual depth and gets to put down the black woman who the writers have made display nothing but anger for the whole season. The fans rally behind Winter because she was given depth and hate Harriet because she has none, but that’s the fault of the writers. Btw, ‘this black woman won’t show any emotion besides anger’ is a racist stereotype. It would probably have taken like five minutes on google for Luna and Shawcross to have realized that it was a bad idea to write a black woman in any sort of position of power to be constantly angry + hiding her emotions. Elm is in the same boat as Harriet, and I was going to say it’s less severe, but then I remembered that she literally attacked Ren for talking about their emotions.

Look, my point is that RWBY as a show has never handled allegories like racism and corrupt police well, and either they should stop trying and stick to ‘make believe land is just different than the real world’ or start putting in the work and fix this. By the way, I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad for watching or even enjoying RWBY, but I hope people can watch it while recognizing that some of the things CRWBY has chosen to put into their show are destructive and that the creators need to be called out. I’ll continue to hope that most RWBY fans do recognize that RWBY is deeply flawed, but I’ve just been stewing recently about someone who told me that I shouldn’t have expected the show to address Faunus racism in the Atlas arcs because that ended when Adam died.

I want to make it totally clear that I agree with and support ACAB in the real world and I'm not against it being used in fantasy works, I just think CRWBY is doing a poor job of portraying it and many fans are misusing it and it feels disrespectful. This is an actual real world movement with actual real world consequences. It feels very bad to see people use it to argue that the writers who have never handled allegories of racism well can make an all POC group be a destructive, violent, easily controlled, easily beat group of corrupt cops that need a white woman and fellow cop to be the voice of reason.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

you’ve talked a little bit about this wrt dan, but i’m curious: what are your favorite seasons/arcs for the main gg characters? (serena, blair, dan, nate, jenny, vanessa) cause everyone’s personalities tended to uh, shift a bit from season to season and storyline to storyline, and i’m wondering which eras of those characters were your favorite?

oh, so i sat on this question for a very long time, and spent a ton of time thinking over it. here we go! 

i loved the way serena was written in s1 and s2. she was so full of joy despite all the difficult things she’d endured, so bubbly and warm and... lively is ALWAYS the adjective that comes to mind for serena, despite how it’s a terrible pun. but yeah! she had an energy to her that was very childlike & genuine, and i loved that about her - despite the things she’d endured, she was so full of light (?? how do i describe this.) i know that serena’s arc gets notably more tragic s3 onwards, but i feel like the way she was written lost a bit of depth s3 onwards as well. she had a sharp wit, and a good sense of humour, she was playful and... most notably, she had this little giggle? that she literally NEVER does in the later seasons, which makes me sad?? she stopped laughing like a child at the age of, what, 19?? idk. in s1 & s2 serena had so many layers, and i feel like as the seasons went on they tried to, uh. keep only the surface layers? they didn’t really do justice to the character they started out with.

my answer for vanessa is actually the exact same, with slight modifications. vanessa’s energy in s1 and s2 was unparalleled. literally the best. i loved her and the way she was critical of everything and YET so ready to learn. compared to all these rich, privileged, white people... her presence was just SO good and so important to me, because the way she was so critical of the uber rich was something nobody else really was, and i think that perspective WAS valuable and should’ve remained, haha. idk what it was about s3, but i feel like they didn’t keep the crux of who vanessa was? it wasn’t a BAD vanessa season as much as an incomplete one. i felt they could’ve done so much more with a character like vanessa.... she’s so vibrant and full of life! and the way s3 was for her was very surface. and then in s4 they just demolished her character entirely. i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again: what jenny, juliet and vanessa did in 4x09 was TOTALLY out of character for vanessa. she would never, ever do that. and by the time s4 came around... someone else said this, i don’t remember who. but they said that vanessa was basically being used as a plot device more than as a character. notice how she’s always in the right place at the right time to overhear the right thing? it’s a travesty, because vanessa was just..... so significant to me. like her being there added so much value & even changed the tone of the show imo.

my blair feelings are very complicated. i think she’s fascinating, and i love leighton & her performance. i love book blair so much more than show blair, and idk why or how to explain it. i mentioned this in that post where i ranked the characters, but while watching blair in high school specifically i can’t EVER forget that she would probably hatecrime me, and even when she’s out of school she is still supremely racist at times. i actually liked blair best in s5 - and i know she was going thru ~tragic~ stuff (i think they dialled the tragedy too high actually, like, blair had TOO MUCH on her plate and from a storytelling point of view it was... ambitious, to say the least, to hope to bring all out of that out on tv) but like, keeping her tragedy aside. her capacity for kindness and care really shone thru while she was with dan, and i liked how the d/b relationship took her out of her comfort zone and her “but im a Waldorf!” bubble and let her, idk, be a person. i liked her in s4, too. i feel like blair is a really good, nuanced, fleshed out character as blair, and the way she clung to being a waldorf combined with her rich-white-girl privilege got kind of boring after a while because like. she’s not like louis? her character has so much depth. her character doesn’t need to be reduced to a title, because she’s SO much more than that.

i feel like i need to do a lot more rewatching when it comes to dan because i CANNOT be objective about him. he reminds me far too much of myself!!! down to his flaws and his mistakes and his issues –  i was a precocious little shit in high school at times in very similar ways to dan, i like to think i’ve grown out of that (& am perpetually making an effort TO grow out of falling into those patterns) & that’s what i want for dan, too. dan’s arc feels real to me, because a lot of it is my arc, too. feeling lonely, out of place & unaccepted in high school --> being a popular kid in college… that hits really close to home. s1 & s2 are important seasons to me because i’m extremely protective of awkward, trying-his-best high school dan (he can be awful at times, but he can be earnest and sincere, too!) i feel like s4 is actually the best dan season – took me a while to get here, but halfway thru my s2 rewatch that’s how i’m leaning. but dan’s arc was very interesting to me, and i wish they’d kept his heart. trying to retcon him as evil fell absolutely flat to me, like. who are you convincing! one of my friends and i were joking about how georgie blackmailed dan into pretending to be gossip girl (she obviously has dirt on him that nobody else does.) anyway. dan’s arc felt pretty true until the end of s4. i wasn’t a big fan of how he was written in s5, i felt like something had been taken away from his character, but i don’t know how to say it better. you’re right though, i have gone over this a lot! so i’m not going to break my head over it, ‘cause we’re already a thousand words in and i still have nate and jenny to go.

speaking of jenny, though: i think dan’s storylines REALLY needed more of a big brother arc. the way he was characterised, especially in s1, was very “i would kill a man for my baby sister” and i have NO idea where that went or why they got rid of it. (actually, i do have some idea. fucking chip wiskers apologism & elevation of chair over literally anything else. sigh)

okay, now speaking of jenny in terms of jenny. i liked her s1 arc, like, her trying to make friends with these people & trying to keep her morals and realising she can’t do both was interesting. i think that should’ve been that with her clashes with girls in constance, though. and afterwards, either nothing happens, or she transfers out of constance, etc. jenny’s s2 arc makes me sad – she was exploited and treated like dirt in so many ways :( the jenny/agnes was interesting in s2, though, and there’s no way to interpret it that ISN’T lesbian. i’ve always felt like jenny’s feelings for nate in s2 are very comphet. jenny’s s3 arc made me even sadder than her s2 arc- she was alienating all her friends one by one, making everyone hate her, and just…… spiralling. she really needed a better support system. her s4 arc made no sense. like. why did she come back in the city to fuck with serena like that? it didn’t feel right.

yeah, all that said… i feel like there are many super intriguing elements of jenny’s storylines and arcs, like, even within canon events if things had been executed differently, it could’ve been actually good/empowering. but the writers hated jenny. and this show was never a feminist show.

ah, so… nate. he started out as a flake in s1 & s2. that’s his whole thing. he doesn’t know who he wants to be / how to get what he wants / how to get where he wants. he takes people for granted. he isn’t dependable or reliable, he lets people down (most notably, blair & vanessa.) and he means well, sure! but his life is like amber and he’s trapped in it. he doesn’t follow his heart, he’s too busy trying to please the wrong people, etc etc. in s3 he’s suddenly so ready for commitment, which always breaks my heart because vanessa!!! but anyway. s3 has a shift in his character, possibly him getting dumped at prom and realising that high school is over and one thing that tethered him to his family (being a kid, being a high schooler, being a minor, whatever) –  one big thing that held him there is gone. so it makes sense that he starts trying to be his own person. i like s3 nate, and s4 nate. we see nate sort of gradually try and be a moral compass, and it’s interesting to me. when i write d/n fic something i really focus on is dan finding nate dependable, and i think that’s a value that builds in nate over time. nate of season 1 is not dependable, nope, no way. but nate of s4 seems like a decent friend to have. in s5 and s6 they more or less threw his entire arc to the wind and gave him so many shitty storylines (sage spence, wtf? nate would not do this. he’s been on the opposite end of this before, he would not carry the pattern forward, ffs.)

idk. this almost hit 1.7k, LMAO. i hope it made some amount of sense!

[an-avid-reader]

The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas

my rating: 5/5 stars

On the night of a party gone wrong in Garden Heights, or “the hood”, Starr and her childhood best friend, Khalil, drive away only to be stopped by a white police officer. Khalil, unarmed, gets shot right in front of Starr’s eyes. Alas, Starr’s worlds—Garden Heights and Williamson, a predominantly white prep school—collide as word of Khalil’s death spreads and she is the only witness. Will Starr be able to bring justice to Khalil via riot and protests, or will he be remembered as a drug dealer and a thug?

"Funny how it works with white kids though. It's dope to be black until it's hard to be black"

Link to Goodreads || Spoiler-free review

A few things to check out:

Dear White People (Netflix)

When They See Us (Netflix)

Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race (Book)

A list of places to donate to / one YT video if you’re unable to donate 

Here’s a post that is much more comprehensive

let me know if any of the links don’t work, I will update them :)

There’s a reason why this book has quite a few awards on the front—this book covers what some may consider a “taboo” topic aka racism, but it’s an issue. I’m writing this review slightly earlier than before I’m posting it, but right now the current news is about George Floyd’s death, which is arguably more brutal than what happened in this book, but the fact that some police officers still think race has something to do with one’s intentions is outrageous and disgusting. Even in Canada, there have been instances of racism across history (spoiler: Canada isn’t a ‘saint nation’, even though the population is very diverse). 

For these reasons, I think this book, while it is triggering, I think it should be fit into the curriculum for students to read so that they may be educated on racism, and how it can literally kill others, as well as to try and dismantle the systematic racism that is imposed on us from a young age. I can never sit here and tell you that I can experience what Starr went through (or what any POC—black or otherwise—has ever been through), I can only educate myself and emphasize with what’s been said/done to you—please call me out if I’ve said something that may be offensive and feel free to correct me if I’ve said anything wrong.

Alright now on with the book review! This book is so raw and powerful, Thomas does a great job of describing the scenes and the emotions Starr goes through during each scene. We get to see how she feels about dating a white boy while being black herself, how her neighbourhood is beautiful despite it being described as the hood, we also get to see how Starr’s demeanor completely changes while she’s at school vs when she’s visiting her family. While Thomas’ writing may be simple, she does a great job of capturing those moments and the emotions tied within the scene.

As we get to see Starr becoming a witness and taking legal action, I wasn’t sure where the story was headed. Would Khalil get justice and would the cop go to jail? How would Starr’s mental health be affected? Will her family be okay? (Don’t you just love it when there’s so much more conflict in the story that needs to be resolved and yet there are only 2 chapters left) Etc. etc. The thing about The Hate U Give is that there are multiple story lines, which help to drive the story forwards. Those plotlines didn’t feel out of place or forced—everything seemed to progress at a reasonable pace. 

I feel like one of the key parts of this story are the characters and their dynamics to the story. The most obvious being between Starr and her family. Although Starr has her own secrets that she keeps from her dad (*cough cough* Chris *cough cough*), I feel like they still have a strong bond, especially as the story went on and her dad, Maverick, stood behind Starr, even when things went south. (I could also 100% relate to Starr bickering with her brothers—even her half-brother). Then there’s Chris, which I kinda feel weird about him...which I feel like it’s a spoiler so I’ll talk about it under the cut. Overall, I’m glad that while he doesn’t understand what Starr has been through, he doesn’t judge her—he listens to her story and he also stays by Starr’s side at all times. I appreciate that Thomas didn’t put too much focus on the romance, otherwise I think it would’ve detracted from the main message. Finally, there are Starr friends. Even though we only got to know Khalil for a bit at the beginning, I like that Starr’s friendship with him was sprinkled throughout the story, even if it was in subtle ways. You could tell that, while their friendship may have fallen apart, Starr really cared for him and he was at the forefront of her mind. We also get to see Maya and Haliey’s friendship with Starr...and I can’t talk much about that without spoilers :/ let’s just say...it was interesting…

While I can’t exactly relate to Starr on an emotional/traumatic/life experience level, I love that we are both Harry Potter fans and she runs a Tumblr (which idk why but I’m always taken aback when books have Tumblrs?? Yet here we are). I appreciate that she tries to see the best in people, until they prove her wrong (or give her a reason to not like them). I think Starr is a strong role model in the sense that she stands up for herself and is determined to get justice, although she’s not cocky about it. It’s quite the opposite, she doubts herself—I just remember that there were so many parts where she blamed herself for not recalling every single detail of the incident or not putting emphasis on the type of person Khalil was to avoid him getting stereotyped. Starr also questioned her relationship with Chris, albeit she seemed a bit naive at some points. Because of Starr’s strong personality and her core values, the message of The Hate U Give is so much stronger, hence why I feel like everyone should read this novel.

Finally, I learned a lot from this novel. Regardless of the fact that this is a fictional book, it is very much based on the realities of Black people and the hardships they must endure on a daily basis. To be honest, I feel so dumb for not even realizing that the title spells out THUG and runs parallel with Tupac’s meaning of THUG LIFE. Mind you, now when I look at the cover, it’s all I see. I also didn’t realize that Black kids and teens are taught how to act around the police—all to be avoided to get arrested, shot, or killed—which is frankly, messed up. Thomas also takes the time to address the names she used, intentionally to give another layer of the book, which I feel that it is based on reality. I can definitely see why this book has received so many awards—and if this book were implemented in schools, it would allow the discussion on racism to be opened and it would also allow kids to see that not all authors are white, old men (looking at you, Shakespeare, which tbh the only good play I read was Macbeth).

I wanted to thank you for reading my review; if you’ve read this book, I’d love to know your thoughts. Below the cut, I have a spoiler section that I wanted to include (which I might add in future reviews, idk though). 

Please stay safe and healthy,

~ Cassandra / an-avid-reader

THE REMAINDER OF THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

Okay, I’m not going to lie, but I thought that no one knew about Chris; didn’t Starr mention within the first few chapters that she can’t introduce him to her family because she’s afraid of what they’ll say/judge her for dating a white boy? But then, it turns out it’s just her dad that doesn’t know about him??? Idk if my memory is really that bad or if it’s such a slim detail (maybe it actually is an inconsistency o.O). But anyways, I love how Maverick was just playing with him (and making it clear that Chris would be in big trouble if he hurt Starr). I’m also not sure if he has a fetish for Black women (which Starr also pointed that out)—which I don’t know how to feel about that. I know some people have a thing for people of colour (Asians are commonly a fetish too, for example) but then some guys also have a thing for super short girls? Um yeah. I’ll probably leave it at that.

I’m not sure if it was just me, but I deadass thought Seven was going to be a gangbanger. He was sooooo suspicious anytime King was mentioned (which I get King is with Seven’s biological mom, but still I can’t be the only one who was suspicious, right?). I have to give him props though for putting his sisters’ needs before his own and for also listening to Iesha’s point of view. This man doesn’t give on people easily, and that’s a nice change. 

The last thing I wanted to include in this spoiler section is Haliey. I just— wtf man. She perfectly embodies the issue and idk she gave me such Karen vibes. It’s so frustrating that she just accepted the newspaper’s article story at face value—I don’t even think she even took the time to listen to the other point of view. I’m so glad that Starr punched her in the face, even though that resulted in her getting in trouble. And it’s not even towards just Starr that she was racist! When Maya opened up about Haliey’s comments, I was pretty infuriated. I think Haliey’s comments came from a place of ignorance or a lack of education, but it just bothered me that she just brushed it off. Smh “it was just a joke” or “get over it” *rolls eyes* Just apologize, Haliey, and educate yourself, please. Actually, maybe she could take lessons from Mr. Warren, their english teacher because he was lowkey a G. I was pleased to see he was a teacher (who are often seen as role models) that actually gave a crap about Starr and what she was going through. I guess we just need to be more attentive to what people have to say and be more empathetic when they’re hurt.

[queer-as-frikc]

umm.. an indian queer here. and i kinda feel.... you know..left out? seeing what stuff which apparently makes you an indian, i feel like i'm not "indian" enough or "desi" enough? i genuinely feel super happy when i see other indian queers out here, but i somehow feel inadequate. maybe it's my hate for the indian society (i want to get outta this country as soon as i can" or... something else. idk idk i'm rambling.

hey sorry i couldn’t answer earlier

umm hey an indian queer here too (you prolly knew that) and believe me when i say i know exactly how you feel. 

i mean, apart from feeling left out bc i’m queer, i also felt left out because i couldn’t relate to anything my parents, or cousins, or my whole family, really, related to, from like politics to even just liking the same type of music that they do. they sort of shut me out and made me feel inadequate by telling me to “be a proper indian” and “stop becoming influenced by the west” for years, and they still do. 

but what i’ve learned from all this is that there’s no point feeling inadequate. in the end, you are who you are, and noone can change you. noone should change you. 

and yeah i absolutely HATE indian society as well. i mean, we claim to hate donald trump and everything, but in the end, the people who make decisions around here are exact copies of him. sexist, misogynistic, racist, homophobic, i could go on for hours. 

i think im, in a way, the one who made you feel inadequate? bc of my post calling out colourism and there was someone i called out in the notes about the only way to be a proper indian is to make the country better? honestly, i blame myself a little too, because this racism has gone on for years and the only time i spoke up was when MY QUEEN BEYONCE was disrespected and I CANT take that (furthur proving my point about “being influenced”)

look, my point is (sorry i gave you so much to read lol) that you should never feel inadequate about who you are. you are more than enough. you are queer. you are desi. if you cant relate to the “all desis relate to this” posts that’s completely ok. trust me, i understand this more than you think i do. outside, im all “im proud to be an indian” and “haha all desis relate to me” but on the inside i hate this society as much as you do but i dont wish i could relate to everything my family relates to, because that would make me just like them.

just love who you are <3 and im always here if you wanna ramble ;)

[callsignbaphomet]

Wow, I got an email from a birthday reminder from someone I was following on LiveJournal and remembered I still had one from like 2012. I’ve had other accounts before that one. In fact, my very first one should still be around somewhere in there as I never deleted it. Was from back in 2005. In fact, I still remember the username as it was the first username I had back when I started using the internet for actual real.

My fucking god, the cringe in that journal is enough to melt your face from the second hand embarrassment.

Anyway, I deleted the one from back in 2012. It’s not the same and I much prefer Tumblr despite all the flaws and unpleasant people your run into. Before deleting it I saw someone’s name and idk I guess a pang of guilt washed over me.

Ok, this person, I don’t think saying we were friends is correct. We talked for a while and followed each other everywhere and even moved here at some point and I even added her on FB back when I had my first account. No longer have FB, it’s trash and a lotta family was following and I couldn’t be ME, ya know? Anyway, last time we spoke it was me calling her out on something really dumb she said. I can’t remember but there was some discourse running around here--because of course there was--about a Youtuber who was banned for uploading racist content. Remember when YT gave a shit?

She got mad because people were paying attention to that issue and not some other Youtuber who was apparently problematic. Honestly I was fed up that day and her post was so “Hey, how about you pay attention to THIS guy instead!” and I was like “Dude, we can also bring attention to that guy as well. Nobody’s paying attention to the one you’re talking about because no one knows who the fuck that guy is.”

She blew up a few times at several people and then I called her out on her shitty way of spreading information about someone that needed to be reported. She deleted the post, her Tumblr account and basically every other social media account that she was in. Yeah, she was known for being explosively dramatic. Truth is I coulda worded things a bit better but I confess at that point and time I was resenting her and my patience with her was at 0% and we hadn’t actually talked in over a year. She was one of those that used the “Can’t get mad at me despite having been a shit person to you because I have several mental illnesses.”

I remember unfollowing her on FB after she posted one of those “Leave a comment and I’ll tell you what I think of you” meme things on her timeline that ended with something like “But remember that I have [list of mental illnesses] so if you don’t like what I said about you tough tits, that’s your own fault”.

I honestly thought she woulda reactivated all her accounts and gone back to normal as if nothing happened without even apologizing. I came to expect that of her, she was usually always starting some drama with people and then posting about it so her friends could back her up and then when she was getting attacked back she would once again mention her illnesses.

Look, I really don’t care for people who act like assholes towards others and use their mental illnesses as a shield against criticism and callouts and shit. Still I felt guilty that that was the last thing we said to each other. Granted all I did was callout her shit behavior and since the Youtuber in question was really hated here people reblogged from me and started attacking her as well. It was a shitshow of a situation tbh.

Honestly I hope she’s doing well and gotten more help than she was at the time and that she stopped that “can’t say shit to me because I’m mentally ill” nonsense because it wasn’t winning her any favors or people.

[highqueenofelfhame]

why do you think Chaol sucks?

There are lots of reasons which I think I’ve mentioned before but I can’t locate the post right now SO.

His general air of him being so above everyone else. Bugs me. He never really admits he was wrong like, idk ever, and a lot of people try to say he didn’t realize how bad the king was but it’s like, everyone knew. He served a king so blindly even though he was a literal piece of shit like everyone knew about his conquering of other nations and stuff like it’s not like Chaol was kept in a bubble and the king had this persona to the rest of the world that he was a good person. He didn’t. Despite being loyal to his country and king like there’s still a moral dilemma there and Chaol chose to be on the wrong side of things constantly.

Asking Celaena what she did to deserve the lashings that ruined her back. There’s no excuse for that bullshit, it was fucked up to say, she was a CHILD when she received those lashings and she did not deserve to be treated like an animal. point blank.

Judging Celaena for being an assassin when, he knew what she was from the start. He literally pulled her out of endovier knowing that she was an assassin so his judgy behavior when she became the kings champion was just bullshit bc he knew what would happen if and when she won he had no right to start turning up his nose, not to mention when it isn’t like his hands as captain of the guard are so spotless.

Did you READ Queen of Shadows????

Him literally calling Aelin a monster for using her magic and for how powerful she is but it’s like, fine that Dorian has magic.

He gets mad at her for being in Wendlyn with her ‘faerie prince’ when HE sent her there. Like Aelin was only there because he proposed to the king that she go and dispatch the royal family. There was no other reason that she was there. It was all Chaol’s idea.

Going off of that, him blaming her for 'flaunting her magic’ and whatever when she did what she had to do to save innocent people. And to build on THAT, he blames her for like everything that happened in Heir of Fire as if Aelin would have been able to stop the King from putting a collar on dorian and cutting Sorcha’s head off. Like fuck off, none of that was her fault, she had no control over any of it. Aelin did what she had to do to save people and save herself.

Also getting mad at her for not bringing an army back to Adarlan as if she could 1. Pull one out of her ass and 2. WOULD EVEN KNOW SHE NEEDED TO CONSIDERING IT ISN’T LIKE ANYONE WROTE HER AND WAS LIKE HEY LOL EVERYTHING HAS GONE TO SHIT. She was thousands of miles away and had no idea what was happening.

In Tower of Dawn he pretty much treats Nesryn like complete garbage, like they were kind of together and then he’s off fucking around with Yrene without talking to her first. Like, yeah, she kinda was too, so I’m not saying she’s not at fault there either bc they should have cleared the air between them before, but still. Idk his general treatment of women is just garbage and he’s only really 'better’ with Yrene bc she fits more into the role of a submissive wife and doesn’t like call him out on his shit the way Aelin did. I LOVE YRENE - but she’s like essentially the very opposite of Aelin and Chaol can like, control her better. I’m probably going to get shit for that but like, we all know Yrene is more submissive than Aelin lets not pretend otherwise.

He’s Racist. - There’s like no other word for what it is his behavior and his hatred, his discomfort, toward the Fae people. A lot of people were racist against them and there’s really no other way to word it, I don’t feel like I have to like, deep dive into that one too much bc it’s just plain and simple.

I could keep going but that’s the gist of it. Feel free to add on if i missed any of the big talking points!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #219

“make a move and you pay for it; pick a lord and you pray to it.”

Do you actually love your grandpa? I don't really remember either of mine. I do from what I remember and have learned of them, though. Do you actually love your grandma? I don't remember my dad's mom at all, but I mean, I love her simply for being my dad's mother, who loved her. My mom's mom, yeah, even though she's. Hard to like a lot of the time. Do you have Facebook? Yes. What was the last thing you posted on someone’s wall? A birthday post. Do you have MySpace? My old one still exists, but I sure haven't been on it since it was current. What is your favorite kind of music? Heavy metal. Favorite soft drink? Mountain Dew Voltage is actually cocaine to me rip. Favorite food? Probably like... pepperoni pizza or cheeseburgers. I'm a full-blooded 'Merican. Have you ever felt replaced? OH, HAVE I! Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. Do you ever regret making a friend? I don't think so. Can you cure mental illness? I don't know about cure, but you can certainly learn how to handle it better and alleviate symptoms. Is God good? Define "God." Cats or dogs? Kitties. Do you play video games? Yeah, but I don't play nearly the variety that I used to. Do you take medication for mental health? Yes. Can you really be racist to a white person? No shit? Do you have a favorite hair accessory? What does it look like? No. What’s your favorite type of insect? Butterflies. What’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? Larvae, like maggots. Disgusting. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What did you say? What’s his/her favorite food? Idk and I don't feel like checking. I rarely use it. What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White is a mood with my mad-at-God-24/7 ass. It needs to stop honestly. I've become so hateful about religion. Not towards followers, mind you, just the concept itself. I could write a novel on this, but I don't feel like it. Just me and organized religion don't get along anymore. Have you ever slept in a water bed? On a water mattress, yeah. How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? Never tried, not for me. Sounds messy. Does your ex have a job? My most recent, I guess you mean? Yeah. Have you ever slept in a car? Yeah, on long drives to like New York and stuff. What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? *checks phone* "Sweetie." How often do you use Flickr? Never. I can't log into my account anymore since Yahoo said "fuck u Britt," so there's no point. Have you ever been on a blind date? No. Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend so y'know like- Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? We very much disliked each other at first, so... guess, lmao. Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? Eh, that's a mystery... Juan was very sweet to me, but I know he had a bad rep. I didn't really see how he interacted with others. How’s your appetite atm? It's normal. I'm not currently hungry. Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? Sara randomly and excitedly texted me to tell me "Welcome to the Jungle" was on at work, which was on the radio both when I was there and she was here, so she thought of how much she missed me lakdjsfkalwe I smiled my face in half. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? Eh, it wasn't awful. It was for my school ID. What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. My sis went and said it was 1.) insane and 2.) disgusting. If you were five years younger but knew everything at that age that you’ve actually learned over the last five years, what is one thing you would definitely do differently? Go to the partial hospitalization program way sooner. What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? To earn a happy, content future. What activity that you have to do every once in a while that you dread the most? "Every once in a while," I'd say clean Mitsu's cage. She is such a strange rat. Enjoys pets, but being picked up is a no sir. When people hear what you do for a living, what is the most typical question or comment they give you regarding your job? N/A If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? I'd probably write a poem. I know I wouldn't draw 'cuz fuck no am I doing so with a pen. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Uhhh. Idk. Anything I can think of, like lightning, I've seen because of the Internet. If someone were looking for you in a bookstore, in what section would they be most likely to find you? Probably like, young adult fiction/fantasy, something like that. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Lately, take one of my mood stabilizers. I need to get the box out... aaaand forget every day. I haven't felt any different without it tho so like... If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion, maybe. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? I'm not spending time musing over something that serious lakaljdsfawe. Would you ever travel to Africa? Hell yes. I desperately want to go to South Africa on the Tswalu Kalahari tour. Whose house were you last at? Besides my own, my older sister's. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I guess this depends on how near death you mean. I've been in one car accident that my mom managed to make minor only by being a good driver; realistically, we should've flipped, according to the cop. My mom just acted quickly enough. Then I heavily ODed, but I was given more than enough fluids in time to keep me surprisingly okay. I don't know what would've happened if I hadn't told Mom so quickly, and I don't care to think about it. I'm fucking lucky and don't want to think about what could've happened. Have you ever met anyone who was overly addicted to a computer game? Tbh I myself could've been in this position when my depression was so bad, but then there's factors to that that lean towards it just having been a preference versus addiction. Idk. It's not a problem anymore so not worth debating over. Have you ever been fingered? That was the first cheat when you chose abstinence lmao. What do you do the most when you are online? Watch or listen to something on YouTube. What video game have you played the most? So in WoW you can actually type in /played to see how long you've played JUST that one character up to the years (or maybe days?) down to seconds and. I will never type it in lmao. Ongoing games are v depressing. Do you have scars you don’t like to talk about? No, those are thankfully gone. What is something you and your significant other do that may seem weird to others? Be helplessly and openly in love with imaginary demons while dating each other lmao (she's a Freeza fanatic). When and why did you last cry? The second day of school because of math class. When was the last time you drank? I think like... back on the 4th of July. Or some days after 'cuz I know Mom and I didn't finish the container in one night. Do you wear jewelry a lot? Just my piercings, really. Save for on my ear lobes because the holes on the left are fucked up, yay. I'm going to wind up just slightly stretching the first holes when I can afford a small kit; actual studs or hoops look stupid. Never wanted gauges until the holes got too stretched by the weight of hoops; now something needs to be there. Who in your household do you not have a good relationship with? My sister's (who doesn't even live here...) dog Bentley. I hate him and he doesn't like me. No, that doesn't mean I mistreat a pet. He's just a pain in the goddamn ass. Who in your life are you scared to lose more than anything? My mom. I don't know what would happen to me or how I'd cope at this time. Honestly, would you rather be single or in a relationship? I'm happier in a healthy relationship. Do any of your friends not get along at all? No. I mean, not that I know of. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? I'd be LOST without YouTube, then KM follows up close. #3, uh... Facebook or Tumblr, I suppose. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? No. Well, I do have a little book of Disney World character autographs, but I don't think that really counts. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? We use Wal-mart. Who is your favorite model? Sara is a gd model don't even @ me about it. What have you done that is out of character for you? The Joel thing is the most anti-Brittany thing I've ever done for sure. I can't think of anything more current that stands out, unless it's- NO WAIT, this was quite a few months ago, but I firmly stood against an opinion my psychiatrist made known. He's very talkative and open as hell about his beliefs in current events, and he said something about pit bulls where I was just like... um no sir. I wasn't going to be rude though to HIM of all people so just said I don't base dogs by their breed and shut up. Awkward silence and we moved on. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? LGBT acceptance and rights. I already protest by having given up Chic-fil-a okay I care y'all. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? Who knows... What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? Idk. I'm lucky to not have really been told that... What are you most thankful for? Thinking it all over, probably being born where I am. Boy is America FUCKED UP in some places, but boy would I be in a MUCH worse place if I was born in, say, North Korea, between my mental issues, sexuality, and opinions that can go to either end of the spectrum. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I love them! You can find the coolest, wackiest shit. What do you like to put gravy on? I hate gravy with a passion. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? I genuinely think I'm a nice person that has other's well-being in mind. What is priceless to you? Love, in any form. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? Uhhh. I guess more than anything, I'm proud of my distant cousin for her unwavering love for and loyalty to her daughter when it came to escaping the Middle East and her dictatorial husband. Read Not Without My Daughter, it's great. Do you keep a budget? I don't have an income. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Rested, a good night's sleep following being truly exhausted. Refreshed, oh man, gimme a hot, long shower. Who depends on you the most? Nobody. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? Hell no. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Yes. I was entirely convinced the world would literally end if Jason left. That night still doesn't feel real. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? Colleen and Mom once fought after I'd ignored her, so I guess? It wasn't my wish or anything though for her to do it; Mom had shit to say by her own volition, and I wasn't going to tell my mother "no you can't do that." Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? No? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? Nope. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. What embarrasses you instantly? A LOT A LOT A LOT!!!!! It is SO easy to embarrass me, including second-handedly. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? Hell no, I'm most certainly not in the necessary shape, and quite honestly I'm not that willing to risk my life for random people that could be assholes. What do you think should be censored? Idk. I have mixed feelings on censorship, no matter how stupid it seems. Eh... yeah, idk. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Queen Victoria and William Clark. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Depends on who and obviously if we're even compatible. Have you ever fired a gun? No. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Sincerely caring for them, probably. Who is a female role model in your life? My mom, in some ways. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Jfc a lot, I don't want to think about it. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? My future, honestly. It's hard picturing my elderly days. Like I'm not suicidal anymore, I just don't really... realize I'll get there, I guess. I can't picture myself being old and alive. Would you travel to space if possible? No, too long of a trip. Are you an optimistic person? I'm a realist. Do you consider yourself more realistic OR idealistic? ^ Have you ever felt bi-curious? I started out accepting myself as bisexual through thinking myself as bicurious. I quickly realized "bisexual" was more accurate than "bicurious," but it was an easier thing to shift acceptance towards in regards to yourself when you thought you were straight for 21 years. Are you a fan of U.S. President Donald Trump? No sir. I agree with some of his ideas, but I hate him as an asshole person without a trace of manners. Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Multiple. I'd assume most people know someone who fits at least one criterion there. Are you green-eyed? Not exactly, but they definitely have a green hue to them. They're a gray/green blue. Would you consider UFC fighting and WWE real sports events? I think it's beyond debate that a lot of it is staged, but I mean, I guess to a degree? You still have to fight. It's physical exertion. Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? No. Wait. I can't remember if my grandmother had cancer or not... but I don't think so. She was just old. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? An office, definitely. In my work-hunting as well as actual work experience, office work is probably the only job I could actually do that doesn't require a degree... Do you have a favorite wild animal? Why? You can't know me and not be fully aware meerkats are my favorite animal. Why? Ho boy. I love social species, and meerkats have such strong personalities, and holy shit are those little things brave as fuck. They're so GOSH DARN CUTE!!!! too, and their loyalty to each other is astounding. I love how playful and curious the little guys are, and... just wow okay, I could write an actual essay on how I adore meerkats so goddamn much. Do you have any unusual, uncommon phobias? I'm sure there are other people afraid of whale sharks, but I don't think it's common? And is an actual phobia of pregnancy uncommon? Idk. Do you prefer Android or iPhone? I hate my Android. I've had an iPhone in the past, and it was great. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? All, depending on my mood. Most often I'd say I like sweet. Do you believe climate change is real? We can't be friends if you don't. Do you believe in evolution OR creationism? Evolution. Do you think people can really predict the future? Nah. Have you been to a lot of shrinks? I hate that word. Just call them therapists. But yeah. How often do you clean your room? Not often enough. I need to dust... Any movies coming out soon that you want to see? I DESPERATELY wanna see the "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" one. Those books were my CHILDHOOD. What was the last fear you overcame? I don't know about totally overcame, but vocational rehab helped me quite a bit with answering the phone to numbers I didn't recognize. Have you ever hurt yourself trying to crack a body part? No, nothing on me really cracks. Well no, both my big toes do, but no, I haven't hurt myself trying to crack them. What’s the worst part about winter? The days where it's cold BUT ALSO WINDY asdkljfaklwej;awe Summer? It's too fucking hot and probably humid, too. Spring? POLLEN. Fall? Literally nothing. :') Are you allergic to anything? Pollen and silver. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Like, once. Which country has the most fascinating culture? Oh boy, idk. Who does your favorite song? Idrk what my current favorite song is. I say my all-time fave is "False Flags" by Massive Attack, but it's not something I constantly wanna listen to. I guess you could maybe say it's "Headache" by Motionless In White; I play and repeat that a lot. I've really been digging them lately. When was the last time you wore makeup? Shit dude, idk. Months ago. Do you prefer males or females or both? I'm generally afraid of men, but I mean, I don't "prefer" one over the other if he's a good guy. Where in your town do you go when you wanna chill with a few friends? I don't have any friends I go out with. But there's nowhere to go here anyway. Where’s the best place to get coffee? N/A Have you ever seen someone struggle with an addiction? My dad was an alcoholic, but he's recovered. He loved (idk if he still does it) fantasy football, too. Pretty sure I got my addictive personality from him, lol. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Early 2017. Do you like cranberry juice? omfg NO. Do you play any zombie-killing video games? The Last of Us is fucking dope, but I didn't finish it before my PS3 broke. :'( I like the Resident Evil series too, and some of those games have zombies or similar creatures. And The Walking Dead game tears my heart out every fucking season. What is the dominating genre on your mp3 player/iPod? Varying forms of metal. Do you have a book shelf? No. What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube is ALWAYS open. I constantly either watch let's players and a few other kinds of YTers, moving windows around so I can see it and do other things, or listen to music. Do you like wind chimes? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!! WINDCHIMES!!!!!!!!!! Do you have a fetish? No. Do you have a pet fish? No. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful and calming, but not worth it for me personally. They don't have much of a personality at all, and cleaning a tank so much for just a fish isn't for me. Do you like kettle corn? (That sweet and salty popcorn) Yessss! Do you enjoy classic rock? Hell yeah, man. When was the last time you went for a walk, just cause? Not since I was at Sara's last. Do you listen to Type O Negative? No. Do you have any fillings or cavities? Yeah. Have you gotten your wisdom teeth taken out yet? No, and thankfully I don't need to. One was very close to needing to be, but it has just enough room. Do you actually read privacy policies when signing up for new things? "Depending on what I’m signing up for, I’m likely to at least skim it." <<< This. Did you have a lot of birthday parties when you were younger? If so, did you invite everyone in the class? I had a party every year up to... idk what age. And no, I only invited friends. Do you like when things are color coordinated? Yes. Have you ever participated in one of those “guess how many jelly beans, mints, etc. are in this jar!” contest? if so, have you ever won? Yeah, and no. Can you juggle? Nope. Have you ever mistaken a ringing phone on TV or in a movie for your own? Who hasn't? How often do you use bobby pins? Never. My hair's really too short for them. Well, I'd probably pin the right side up if I was doing something like cleaning. Do you live on an avenue, road, drive or something else? Road. What are your school colors? Blue and white. Have you ever taken a picture with Santa when you were little? Yeah. Have you ever rolled down a steep, grassy hill for fun? Actually yeah. Do you like Nerds candy? Yes I do.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x05 “Nightmare Logic”

oh, what a perfectly soft and emotional Destiel-parallelly piece of Meredith Glynn artwork. so precious, so loved~

03:47pm

things i know about this: meredith glynn wrote it

LET’S WATCH

-

03:50

noooo maggie don’t do things like this alooooone

-

i like the music as she enters... kinda weird and sparkly and awkward

-

03:53

sammy...... you know what you need

someone to do the night shift

if only...... you had.............. someone else........................

*looks pointedly at dean*

-

03:55

where does sam get the financial resources for shit like body cams

we never see them running credit card scams any more so........ ???????

-

03:57

i love these cable things by the roads

so aesthetic

-

03:58

even more spooky pretty music as dean and sam enter the tomb

-

03:59

dean and sam lie so effortlessly and so in sync

i always enjoy seeing them do this, ever since dean told a firefighter he needed to go back into his apartment because he has a yorkie who pees when he’s nervous

-

04:01

aw man i thought the “colleagues” would be cas and jack

bobby and mary’s cool too

-

04:02

bobby’s wearing a cap like michael’s

and mary’s wearing a coat like cas’

..does this mean this story’s gonna be about dean’s war between those two things, like the two worlds he knows

bobby’s parenting vs. mary’s parenting

michael’s need for him as a vessel vs. cas’ love for him as a bestest buddy bro friend

not sure how bobby = micheal / mary = cas but i’m sure there’ll be some kind of explanation later

OR maybe they’re just costumes and they mean nothing

but......is that ever true? trenchcoats are automatically a cas thing now. and that cap is so iconic as michael now???

-

04:09

i relate to this lady in the suit who has had Too Much Of Everything

i enjoy seeing people know their limits and expressing them to others rather than continuing past breaking point

sam’s doing great but also....... no

take a page from this lady’s book, sammy

-

04:11

mary’s walking with sam

and i just wanna take a minute to appreciate how EASY meredith glynn’s episodes are to watch

her scripts flow so gently and everything makes logical sense

and her characters are coherent

there’s just this nice touch of emotional human realism cloaking all the supernatural weirdness and i so, so appreciate that

like.. for me personally, there’s not a single writer on the current team whose writing comes close to glynn’s

i want her to write more episodes with cas though, i know she’d write him just right

i honestly feel like i’m being hugged by someone as i watch this

so soft around my heart

is good

-

04:16

sam: “you [and bobby have] gotten pretty close lately”

mary: “i thought so too”

OH WAIT I GET IT

I GET THE COAT AND THE HAT NOW

IT’S A DESTIEL THING

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID I MISS THAT

IT’S SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS HOLY FUCKING FUCKDISAFKDSHGF

even the casual viewers will probably have noticed this one. i know it took me a second but as soon as this discussion happened it clicked

 this is probably the most obvious parallel they’ve ever done i think

i didn’t see it before because i didn’t EXPECT it, you know?? ugh this is so validating

-

04:22

now every word mary says, i’m just envisioning how it applies to cas’ perspective too

“he’s been hunting all the time, he won’t take a break even for a second. there’s something on his mind”

yeah, that mICHEAL HAT, quite literally sitting over his head like a dark halo

-

04:26

the music in this episode is just so pleasing to my ears

-

04:31

things i appreciate:

normal people being all “wtf you hunt monsters” and just being present while dean and sam talk about their shit

sam’s reference to “hunteri heroici” (my all-time fave episode besides “scoobynatural” jdgd that was five years ago what the hell)

-

04:35

me: takes screenshot of this very pretty, very anxious lady because i want my hair to do what her hair does

-

04:36

oop we just found the dean mirror and now we get to hear someone talk about the things he feels and offer advice that ultimately helps himself

god i love this

AND THE FACT I CAN UNDERSTAND THIS PARALLEL AND WHY IT’S HAPPENING

AGAIN SOLIDIFIES THE DEAN/CAS THING WITH BOBBY/MARY

because what mary said about bobby = what cas thinks about dean = what’s true about dean = this lady being overworked = dean not taking time off from hunting

(although it does seem to specifically apply to sam as well ?)

and sam mentioned earlier about how the dad he knew and the dad mary knew were different people, plus the earlier mentions this season about john’s problematic parenting (i forget when)

yeah that really makes a point of saying john abused his kids, for sure

-

lady: “he was gone all the time, working for us, he said”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

-

lady: “i worshipped him when i was a kid. didn’t know any better”

oh deanie

please take notes

please know it’s okay to be angry at john and not continue to love him in a way that excuses his behaviours, even 14 years after he died

-

wait wait wait

dean tells her to let it go, it’s the past, there’s nothing you can do about it now so it’s just baggage

WAIT

THAT MEANS

THAT MEANS HE LET THAT SHIT GO ALREADY???????

WHOA

OKAY COOL. COOL COOL COOL I’M PROUD OF YOU

now go be gay with cas

-

“i try. every single day.”

hell yeah dean winchester giving good mental health advice to people and also millions of depressed people with various traumas watching this

ngl this legit just helped me a tiny bit with my issues with my own dad

urhgutguugb meredith glynn you are the good we need in this world

..............suddenly getting real emotional because goddamn i wanna meet her someday ;~; i wanna meet 1. misha and 2. meredith glynn, maaaaybe 3. jensen idk

mEREDITH GLYNN IS MY KINDRED SPIRIT

and DEAN WINCHESTER HELPS ME BE A MORE SELF-ACCEPTING PERSON

yay

-

04:49

no but like.......... everyone seemed to enjoy last week’s episode, i only saw people posting good reviews. and i felt bad not not enjoying it, even though all the things people pointed out should’ve been right up my alley, something about the overall thing just fell flat for me

but this one

this one speaks to my heart

-

04:53

maggie: “i didn’t mean to get caught--”

sam: “no no no, stop that. you did nothing wrong. okay?”

sam being a better dad to maggie than john ever was to anyone

-

04:57

OH NO BOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!

-

05:01

dean: “you’re giving him transfusions?”

nurse: “keeps up his iron”

suddenly i don’t trust the nurse

trying to take over the property maybe? a la scooby-doo, it’s always about real estate

-

05:02

dean: “sasha, could you go....... make me a ....sandwich ?”

DEAN NO

(i type, in pain, as i laugh)

-

/rewatches that interaction because it was actually really sweet the way dean mouthed “go” to sasha and she understood

-

05:05

i’ve wanted a djinn story for SO LONG

(even wrote one myself - Prince of the Ether Realms)

trust glynn to be the one to re-weave the exact threads of this 14-year saga that also interest me specifically

also kudos for the fact she’s so obviously knowledgeable about the ENTIRE HISTORY of the show, as opposed to certain other writers who seem to contradict previous facts and re-reference things that were used differently before to make an important point, thereby nullifying the first point when used a second time

-

05:11

hunter with the shaved head 10/10 style

headcanoning them as non-binary and into girls because of reasons

also there was a slight continuity error, this hunter hugs maggie twice in the two consecutive shots

-

05:15

bobby: “it ends the same” [with bobby dead, i guess?]

mary: “no. you are not allowed to give up on me”

seeing this as dean and cas again

yeah i saw someone mention how at the end of last episode, dean suggesting they drive off a cliff and sam being like NOPE kind of reflected the wrongness of the they-all-die-at-the-end for the finale of SPN

and i think this brings it back to that again

i agree that the best ending is the one where they live to fight another day, not go out guns a-blazing

and this is cas telling dean he’s not allowed to give up and die because he wants to live side-by-side for as long as they can

i just really really want cas to say that to dean in a soft emotional scene like this. we don’t really get those unless they’re parallels??? and i wANT MORE DEAN AND CAS TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS DAMMIT

-

05:20

DEAN AND CAS PARALLELS um i mean BOBBY AND MARY GOING OFF TO HANG OUT ALONE IN A CABIN OF LOVE AND HEALING

GDI LET DEAN AND CAS DO THAT TOO

but also awwww i actually kinda like the mary/bobby thing? because at the core, they ARE dean and sam’s parents, really

family don’t end with blood etc

bobby was the dad john never was

-

05:23

sam: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

this is so satisfying

next up: hula hoops of salt and iron knuckle-dusters

-

05:25

i love love love that dean can have a healthy mental approach to this shit, finally

i’m so fucking proud of him you don’t even know

i just......... i really wanna see him not only return to baseline mental goodness, but then overcome that and become greater at his zen thing, and then AT LAST be ready to accept cas’ love for what it is: romantic and everlasting and epic, and not have to interpret it into something else or ignore it to protect himself

-

05:28

that light over dean’s shoulder is the angel on his shoulder

but is it michael or cas?

i’m going with cas, given that michael is a dark-hat-halo

-

05:30pm

it’s over

that was amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing ;u;

bless meredith glynn for existing and bringing us such beautiful stories

BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE GARDENER

WHY WAS HE THERE besides to ~add some colour~??? and i guess a red herring for viewers, so we have someone to suspect?

(idk. i never suspected him, because he was black and meredith glynn is better than that - unless she was trying to trick racist viewers?? (i know there's a lot of them, i saw the super-toxic comment section on instagram when jared, jensen and misha posted a “vote beto” thing the other day. and there was a poll mentioned at comic con once, half the american spn fanbase are republicans??? guess they really love guns and fascism))

i don’t really have anything to add here, i said it all as i went along

that dean/cas parallel....... oh boy

just please please please pleASE can we have Actual Destiel and not just parallels and hints. like. they barely talk???????? HOW IS THIS A SHOW WHERE TWO OF THE MAIN LEADS ARE CONSTANTLY FRAMED TO BE IN LOVE, WE’RE TOLD THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS, BUT WE ALMOST NEVER EVEN SEE THEM TOGETHER ANY MORE

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING

anyway the costuming was just so very UNSUBTLE and obvious and i think a lot of people would’ve caught that parallel even if they weren’t looking for it

music was good, directing was good, sasha’s hair was good, nobody we know actually died, that was good too

10/10

ten thumbs up

yeee

[almond-assistant]

A very long rant and my opinions on neofeminism

Keep in mind that these are very opinionated, and I really don’t wanna fight with you. I’m only posting this so people know where I stand with this stuff, and so they know what kind of person I am.

Inequality: (the fake scenario here is metaphorical and also taken from a youtube video) Imagine there was a short person and a tall person, and there's a wall. In order to see over it, both people are given a stool of equal height to stand on. The tall person is still taller, and can see farther. Instead of giving the taller person a shorter stool, or a short person a taller stool, how about we give nobody a stool. Instead, give them equal materials to build their stool. Equal opportunity does not mean an equal outcome.

Wage Gap: That thing? It's non-existent; women are actually 'out-earning' men, according to literally every governmental source. And if the wage gap existed, it'd be illegal, considering women recieved equal rights in America in 1972.

Transphobia: Trans people are propped up and given all sorts of support in society! I remember at one point I considered myself transgender (I'm still queer-identifying fyi), and I was treated just as well, if not better, than most kids at my high school. And you know how you guys are so "supportive" of trans-men? Well, guess what. By not grouping him in with the cis men, you are therefore being transphobic by invalidating his identity, implying he is not like the cis man, as he would like to be seen as. Do you call a trans guy a rapist, like a cis man? No. Do you consider him sexist, like the cis man? Of course not! Even if he is, you wouldn't DARE accuse him of that! Right? Because he's an owo smol trans flower boy. By rubbing it in everybody's faces that you/someone you know is trans, you are therefore negating the fact that they'd like to be treated like a cisgendered person in the first place. Same goes for trans-women. FYI, I completely support real trans people!

Transtrenders: Super transphobic! If you want to be babied and called uwu smol then go join the adult baby community. You want to be queer? Just don't label yourself trans! Want attention? Go join a fucking talent show or something idk. Don't have dysphoria? What's the point in calling yourself the opposite gender? I don't get that. Wanna be a futa catgirl? I... I don't even know. Please stop that. Sexualizing trans/intersex people is transphobic. Trying to fit in? I get that. I did that. But please, please. don't rub it in everyone's faces. I actually DO have a bit of social dysphoria, but I used to make it a bigger deal than it should've been.

Patriarchy: I agree that patriarchy doesn't work. But, patriarchy is also basically gone, so I don't agree that it's this really big deal you guys make it out to be. On the other hand, matriarchy doesn't work well either. It takes both genders for lots of things to run smoothly. There are highly positioned women and men. That's what makes systems work, including reproduction and all that jazz. So basically, men are in fact needed. Stop treating them like shit. If you got rid of men, we'd go extinct. I know there's this thing with women's bone marrow or whatever, but that's not really relevant, and it isn't even guaranteed to work. By separating women from men, you are therefore being sexist, because equality doesn't have anything to do with gender. It's like if x=y, then y=x, y=y, and x=x. If x and y was female and male, or literally any gender, this would be the goal of feminism by definition. Without the belief that women are currently in a lesser position in society, neo-feminism falls flat. Speaking of which, you always focus on women, why aren't you including all of the other "genders"? Isn't that a bit sexist of you? Society is giving women everything they don't deserve. That's not equality. And yet you still think women are opressed.

Rape Culture: And before you rush to the comments with "You don't know what it's like to be sexually harassed!", I do, and that's why this topic ticks me off so much. Anyway, by labeling all men as rapists, you are therefore being sexist. And, even though you guys say men/boys can't be raped, they have been, and can be. Males are actually sexually exploited more than women. Furthermore, women can be rapists. Consent doesn't apply to just the woman. If a woman wants to have sex with a guy and he says no, yet she forces him to, it's still rape. Legal sexual interactions require both parties involved to give consent. I read a post on here that said something to the effect of, "If you don't have sex with a fat woman, you're raping her". That... boggles my mind.

Ableism: I have mental illnesses too, so this also pisses me off. I mean, I get that some people are wheelchair-bound or don't have the same mental abilities as a neurotypical person. I think it's great that we're helping to accomodate these people! But when you call everything that could even possibly leave out someone other than the neurotypicals ableist, it's frustrating. Literally anything could be ableist or classist. Eating pizza? No, this is ableist because some people have diabetes and can't eat certain things. Running gear? Ableist. Some people have to use wheelchairs, either because they were born paralyzed in the legs, or because they're too obese to move. Brain exercises? No, get that out of here. That's offensive to people with autism or the like, because their brains don't work like that, and it implies they're not good enough. therapy? Kill it with fire. You're saying we neurodivergents are not ok? It's like you don't care about people that want to get better. There's such thing as a target audience, so now let's see.. Pizza? Oh! That's for people who want a quick, cheap, and easy meal! Running gear? That's meant to interst people who enjoy being fit and maintaining their cardiovascular health. Wheelchair-bound folks have specialized exercises for keeping their muscles healthy. Running would not be as effective of a way for them to do that. Brain exercises? For people who want to keep their brain sharp and improve certain areas where they might have weaknesses. Again, people such as my brother (who has medium-high functioning autism) can have special exercises provided to them. But when companies manufacture products that leave out the neurotypical person, nobody thinks twice. So much for equality.

Fatphobia: I do agree that this one exists, although I've never experienced it myself, since I myself have problems gaining weight and keeping it on. I'm actually guilty of fatphobia, but hear me out. I don't mind if you're overweight, as long as others don't have to make special accomodations at no cost to the one being accomodated. If you're 500+ pounds and/or you need a wheelchair and two seats on a plane, I'm calling you out. There's no way you could be that fat without doing it to yourself or having a disability. I don't mind these things if you do have a disability, I understand you couldn't control it then. But if you're just sitting in your bed all day stuffing your face with cheese curls, you have no right to whine about fatphobia, as you could've easily prevented it. Mental disorders such as depression or anxiety that may lower your motivation so low that you don't care, I also get, since I've been in that situation plenty of times. Regardless though, I will not say you are beautiful. This is my personal opinion, and I know others may find obesity attractive, or even erotic (which is in itself fatphobic), but I do not. There are people who don't actually find it pretty, but still say it is. Please stop that. Speak your mind, yo. It's kinda sad that others shape your views, and if you don't agree entirely with the flock, you're not one of them, yknow? That's like... a cult or something.

Classism: I'm soft on this one, since I've been in and out of financial stability throughout my childhood and it sorta fucked me up. But again, calling everything classist is just not right. Songs about fancy cars and diamonds are praising the lush life, not making lower classes feel bad. If anything, those songs help them work harder to achieve their own dreams and have their own great life. But again, it's all about the target audience.

Racism: Racism was originally based off of fear and confusion. Other races had never seen a different skin color than their people's, and thought they were a different breed or species. The reason europeans and americans viewed africans as animals, is because they didn't know what else they could be. African society wasn't as developed, and the African people exhibited very primitive behaviors, as opposed to the educated caucasian. After a while, the african people taken to other lands as slaves, started to dislike that life and form their own opinions and values. The white people learned that the Africans were just humans of a different color, and eventually softened up a bit. But they couldn't abandon their ways of life, so the slaves slaved on, and the rich got richer. These values passed through generations, and eventually someone said, "Stop, these are people too, let's set em' free.". Though, yes, some families still teach their children to be racist, they don't imprison them anymore. Schools do a very good job of describing the treacheries of racism and slavery so it doesn't happen again. Most of my friends (and my boyfriend who I love so so much) are of color, in one way or another. Shit, I'm like, an eighth native american. I do consider myself white though, I'm Norwegian and Irish, for the most part. But I'll still honor my roots. Anyway, even modern racism is still based on fear. Islamophobia stems from terrorism, Black violence comes from stories of gangs and police shootings, and lots of other xenophobia stems from stereotypes. I'm completely against racism, trust me. But when you separate white from black and call white people scum, and call people of color 'strong, independent', and discard white people, it's kinda confusing. Racism applies to race, and caucasian is a race. Get it together.

Cisphobia: That exists. Cisgenderism/Heterosexuality are still identities, whether you want them to be or not.

Sexualities: Cool, You like people (Or you don't, if you're ace/aro). I know these sexualities were shunned before but most people are really accepting now! Just not the weird demonsexual things. Some people don't understand that too much. I sure don't.

Genders: Same as sexualities, don't get too crazy and people are cool w/ it.

Mogai and Neopronouns: Shit, get them out of here. You're making actual LGBT+ people look like a joke.

Anything I didn't mention that you'd like to hear my opinion on? Leave an ask! All interaction is welcome, though not all is wanted. Regardless, I'll try to be kind to you. I really have no reason to be rude to you if I don't know too much about you.

-Kevyn (almondassistant)

[progeny-ex-machina]

Concept: Fallen Washington

They knew the Raving Plutocrat was unhinged. They never expected him to sell a city to a bunch of giant space bats. Seriously, what the fuck?

Idea-dump, because it won’t leave my head.

I noticed that all the Cities -- past, present, and mentioned candidates for future -- are/were capitals, and that their leaders all lived in them, so this only works if you assume President Dump Truck properly moved into the White House.

But it’s an alternate universe anyway because *whispers* this stuff isn’t real

What did Mr. Potato Head get from the deal: idk, probably more money or something.

And what the fuck is happening on the Surface? Nobody knows. Nobody wants to know. I sure don’t want to know, and I’ll be one of the ones stuck up here.

This is probably the Seventh City but could be the Sixth if certain parties manage to stall for long enough without getting dumped down a well. I’m not an expert on the whole affair, I just know what I’ve read on TV Tropes, don’t ask me

Either way, there’s a huge jump in technology between the previous City and this one, and the remaining denizens of past Cities have to deal with it.

Hilarity ensues.

I mean, this is all serious business to the people in-universe, but to us it’d be great.

Basically think modern FL AU but without the L. The L is over. Our favorite and most love-to-hate characters are all still around to fuck shit up though. No fun in an AU without familiar characters (besides Space Crab and the Crabettes).

Speaking of technology, what happened to the internet? It’s complicated. I don’t think it disappeared entirely, because society would fall apart in days and it’d be Second City II: This Time You Don’t Have Five More Chances. You can still access some things. Games. Research. Many websites have some pages available and others gone forever. The key is, you can’t use the internet to communicate with anyone on the Surface. So, let’s say, you could read fics on FFN, but you couldn’t review, post your own fics, or PM anyone.

Phones are the same. You can call anyone, so long as you’re both on the same side of the ground. Apps work. Microtransactions don’t. There’s no TV. Sorry.

Google Maps doesn’t work either, which is a little bit of a pain because the streets have been warped into a Boston-like mire that nobody can fucking navigate.

Without the hindrance of coal and fossil fuels actually being around to fuel greed, people finally started to use other energy sources. (To fuel things other than greed. Also, to fuel greed.) Solar and wind power are off-limits, but there is still moving water, and some of the stuff that exists down here is surprisingly potent in...electrical potential. ...I’m not a scientist. Artistic license.

Cars? Electric cars didn’t get far enough to be a thing in the Neath, so the gas ran out and maybe people had to get used to horses and carts again. Or something. My goal is to merge the aesthetics so it’s not just “2018 but with candlelight” or “1800s but with more scrap metal because everything stopped working”.

As for society, well, it’s not too different from how it was in the Fifth. There are still insurgents, artists, cops, rich snobs, poorly-supervised orphans, and the rest. Their sensibilities may be more modern, but the breakdown of physical law has inevitably led to a breakdown of other things, such as social standards. I guess I just can’t see a Fallen City without its cliques factions.

The other humanoid species are also present, of course. (Maybe it’s not realistic, but I claim artistic license: racists have pretty much gone “holy shit, what do non-white people matter now that we’re stuck with all these non-human abominations?” So...humanity is just as united as ever, which is to say, it’s not.) The devils are particularly pleased, because with every Fallen City, there must come a new Fallen Leader...and this time, there’s hell toupee.

My contract says that everything I write must include at least one terrible pun.

Anyway, given that said leader is now pretty much powerless other than still being considered part of high society, the insurgents are of course plotting against their new bat-like overlords. Led by the remnants of a council, its members much older than they look, the new revolutionaries quickly claimed the Washington Monument as their territory. Somebody had to.

Other landmarks and notable areas (I don’t know much about DC, okay) are also “owned” by various factions. The rooftops once again belong to the children.

This obviously isn’t a complete rundown of all that’s going on in this AU, because I’m not goddamn Tolkien. My brain has only given me so much ridiculousness; it’s up to you guys to extrapolate more ridiculousness from it.

As for a certain ill-advised game path that fascinated me enough to create an account in the first place...well, here’s where it gets especially fun for me.

Some things are known: there are nine Masters, though at least two are suspected to be the same entity. Deep in the almost-realm of things best left alone, there is a pair of barely-beings. Knowledge about the First has been passed down among the Seekers: it is called Eaten; it was betrayed; it penetrates dreams and lures mortals to destroy themselves in the way it was destroyed.

As for the Second, there’s not quite as much information available, and so of course there are many more rumors. Was it also betrayed? Or was it a betrayer, driven mad by guilt or nightmares, who followed the path of its victim -- Seeking not a Name, but absolution? Both of those speculations are dangerous.

There are safer speculations, for a certain definition of safety. Was it ever alive at all, or is it an amalgamation of the last shreds of spirit left behind by those who Sought and Found? Is it a reflection of the original? Unlikely. It differs from its counterpart in too many ways. It cannot speak in dreams, but it can harm you still. Speak not of it. Seek not its Name. It is Not, and that is all.

And so this: the people whose lives were based on technology and now must find new and creative ways to regain some of what they’ve lost; the shuffling of society, people drawn ever more urgently to those more like themselves; the abrupt change of this post from casual writing into this pretentious poesy: these are some of the parts that make up a potential future.

Oh, and that post about McDonald’s? Yeah, it happens from time to time. The first drive-thru employee to hear a shrill whisper of “I’ll have a burger with no tomatoes, a large fry, and the vague imitation of Dr. Pepper you mortals have created” nearly had a heart attack. Because some things never change.

Along that line: don’t forget about the “hilarity ensues” part. People from previous Cities adjusting to all the technology and culture people brought with them from 2018? That’s a gold platinum mine. Smartphones. Harry Potter. Memes.

I have actually finished a writing thing, even if it’s not proper prose. This may be the best, worst, or most “eh” thing you’ve ever read, but it was a triumph.

[uwu-lla]

Aight so here is my lil Ol vent, 90% of it is barely understandable rambling but here it is.

So my hyper fixation atm is what little bit of lore I’ve got from Overwatch fan fiction lol And because I only have little tid bits my brain is all “let’s fill in the gaps! Make up our own plot!” N I’m just like “no! Dumbass, this isn’t good for us! We need to stop trying to think of this and get back in touch with the real world!” But of course that never fucking works, and this one is esp bad and idk y? Like I’ve had hyper fixations before but they’ve never been THIS intense. Haven’t torn me up this bad before.

But like, the bits I do get of the lore is that everything in this continent is screwed n my paranoia has gone like “that’s gonna happen soon!” N I just scream internally everytime. I guess I just really hate it when American media people decide to make my country nothing more than an apocalyptic wasteland. Like, they love to focus only on the shitty bland white Australian culture while this place literally has the oldest people n culture in the world???? Like what the koories got is so much better than the white bullshit excuse for a “culture” that Americans seems to be in love be with.

And speaking of American idolisation of white Australians, it really peeves me off that the two Australian characters are basically the Overwatch universe equivalent of racists and when I learned that I was just “fuck, THIS again. Like we needed more examples of ‘casual Aussie racism” and it’s super annoying because they’re shipped together n it’s like my dream come fucking true like they’re BOTH Australian AND gay??? Yes! Finally! Something I can personally relate to! But then I found out they are futuristic robo racists. But like, u know of anything else with gay Australians with a large fan base that updates near constantly? No! So I just have to suck it up ignore it cuz this is as good as it’s gonna get for me. And I’m not saying that the roadrat people are racists in fact they’re the exact opposite n I know they’re in the same boat as me, trying to ignore the maybe metaphorical White Australian Racism so they can enjoy a gay couple with a great dynamic n very different body types.

It just peeves me off that once again, just like with all those shitty mad max movies n crocodile Dundee, white Australia is put in the spotlight in American media and any good culture that this continent has is ignored.

I guess now I’ll talk about the bits of lore my brain has decided to fill in???

Okay, so I know that like, the company or whatever that makes the robots decides everyone who lives in the desert can get fucked n move which is real shitty n happens allot today but I’ll talk about that later. So, desert people r understandably pissed. U can’t just do that, we’re gonna fight u! But instead of getting angry at the company, they get angry at the robots??? I think idk. But anyway, desert people decide robots r bad, n all must die. So they kill a bunch, n end up blowing up the nuclear reactor that makes robots, resulting in killing EVERYONE. Like EVERYTHING, robots people plants animals u name it. So now the desert people r all crazy n sick, and the rich city people n company people don’t want to help cuz it’s they fucking fault since that factory wasn’t supposed to be there. And so yeah, two Australian terrorists, blah blah.

But here’s the thing. Right now, real life right, the desert communities in central Australia are mostly Aboriginal. Cuz it’s they land, n they’re luckily been able to keep it that way cuz they’re so far from the coast n the cities. But the thing that happens all the time? They get pushed off of their land by mining companies. So when I learned that bit of Overwatch lore, I was like “hang on r they referencing this???” N so my brain started to fill in.

I’m guessing, that this lil desert town of 95% Aboriginal people r in the way of Future Robot Company. They want them gone, they wanna dig n make more robots (don’t know y???). BUT, you see, in certain areas of central Australia, the Aboriginal communities have been able to get official land rights recognised by the government. Which means they get to have a say in what happens to their country in the Parliament House (sometimes. It’s def not perfect). So, obviously this future desert town is like “lol no u can’t mine our country dumbass” n the gov gotta go with that. But, mining companies r horrible fucking people, so they find a loophole. They say “but we wanna make this a safe place for our robots! We love them n everyone is trying to kill them” so the gov shittily lets it happen, n the company is cheering cuz yay they get to mine n the robots will get blamed for it! So the desert people r all super pissed, n some decide that it must be taken out on the robots! They’re the ones doing all this! But like I said before, this shit happens irl all the time to desert communities. The Aboriginal community understands it’s this shitty company doing all this n using the already being oppressed (???) as an easy blame.

And this is where the “ALF” come in.

Now when I learned about that, it really squicked me out. Cuz here in Australia, there is this skin head group called “Australian patriots front” n the “ALF” that Mako joins sounds like these nazi scum decided to take advantage of these angry desert people, swapped 'Patriots’ with 'liberation’, n recruited these people to push their own hateful agenda. N mako fucking falls for it, cuz he really thinks the robots r to blame. But, the other part of the desert community sees right through this bullshit n tries to stop this group from doing their robot ethnic cleansing. So, being the reskinned nazis they are, the ALF starts to also attack the Aboriginal community of this town for not wanting to kill robots. Mako just goes along with it, cuz he’s young n stupid n hoo boy does he hate robots. So a big Ol fight breaks out. ALF goes to destroy the factory, despite the koories being like “dumbasses ur gonna kill us all its not the robots it’s the sickos in the cities go kill them” n boom. They kill everyone n everything, n have made everything to ever live in the desert sick for eternity. I’d like to think that 90% of the koories were able to get out of there before it all went to shit, so all the people remaining r mostly white. Which kinda explains y Mr. Scopophobia is a blond white guy. So, he grows up with all these remaining ALF people telling him the reason everything is bad is because robots did it. So he too hates robots for a thing they had no control over, n kills any he sees. He has no idea that at one point everyone who lived in this shell of a town was Aboriginal, and probably doesn’t even know that Koories are even a thing. Then yeah he meets mr pig face n decides to go kill robots n rich people (I’m happy with that) in the outside world, and mr pig just doesn’t tell him about how he was partly responsible for ruining their continent and ensuring a shitty upbringing for Jun Jun. why would he? He doesn’t wanna ruin this relationship! Sooo it’s just best lil stick thin man doesn’t know.

After lots of stealing n robot related hate crimes, they for some reason??? Join Overwatch (which I’m not really sure what they do???) n they barely avoid not killing the robots that work there. Which brings me to what I learned not too long ago, that the robots were raging against the machine (horf horf) n had decided to revolt against the human race(I for one welcome our new robot overlords) n start killing humans (2 wrongs don’t make a right buddies). So Overwatch decided to not just stop the robots from killing people, but squashing their revolution n making them back into the servants they were made to be (fuckin shitty) That’s what I understood anyway. Idk. If I’m right about that, why, of all fucking times of our history, would blizzard decide to have a story about a government organisation destroying an oppressed race’s revolution. Like, that’s in bad taste.

So yeah my illness riddled brain has decided to cling to all this, making daily life very difficult for me. Having massive disconnections from reality, like, shit that lasts almost a whole day till my rents get home n snap me out of it. I forget to eat, drink, walk Sputnik, etc. cuz I’m just so lost in my own thoughts. I’m seeing a psych today, but she n a bunch of others might decide if I tell them this to not let me have top surgery so I’m scared to tell her. And cuz my brain has clung onto all this crap, it’s always focusing on how the robots r getting abused n so my brains like “help them! Do it! Now!” N I’m just like “fucker they ain’t real u know this so y r u being a dumbass n wasting time on this” so I’m all pent up n frustrated. I’m not really sure on how to go about dealing with this. I can’t exactly set up a ritual n ask Bunjil n Bellin Bellin to give me a cure for my mental illnesses. I think I’ll look up ways to connect with reality when I get home n see what that tells me.

So yeah, I’m real frustrated. Frustrated with my tiny White Suburban Mum town, with the society we live in where I can’t find a place simply because I can’t do certainly n things n therefore useless to the working world. Frustrated that I can’t help the koorie community here cuz I have no useful skills, n all the hard work at school last year has been all for naught.

So yeah, hopefully this will be the end of this big Ol vent. I’m kinda scared about posting this, scared of people deciding I’m a bad person for whatever reasons in here n going after me. Last thing I need is a digital army against me. Aight bye bye.

[janiedean]

marrecarandgi ha risposto al tuo post

“marrecarandgi ha risposto al tuo post “remember when oscar isaac was...”

What are you arguing here? That Finn doesn't face racism or faces less than Poe? It's simply not true. In this fandom and in all others. If you don't believe me, you have Google at your disposal, I can't fit the countless examples here anyway. So, when POC notice racist and specifically anti black tendencies, that a whitepassing (only "Europeans", who "don't see race" claim that Poe is "white for them, not actual critics) character is treated better than a black coc, you probably should try to listen to them instead of playing the victim of the fandom not being nice enough space. Because, honestly, if I had time or desire, I could've explained to you how each and every one of your point is bs.

... have you even read what I wrote? oh good lord I don’t have the patience any more

let’s go over it again

I’m saying people talk about finn less than ****kylo ren**** because people are generally more interested in the antagonist rather than the good side heroes when it comes to star wars. vader is more popular than just about everyone and the dark side generally gets more attention. idg it because I personally don’t care for the dark side but it’s not **racism** per se, it’s how fandom goes. every time. people care more about loki than thor because loki is the kind of tormented antagonist that interests people and thor is the good guy who doesn’t as much, not because loki has black hair and thor is blonde and no one likes blondes.

I’m also saying that people talk less about poe because he has relatively little screentime in comparison to finn and rey. he was in there for twenty minutes total maybe thirty if we stretch it.

I’m not saying finn doesn’t face racism especially from people who are in fandom but don’t write fanfic or do fanart or whatever and I especially mean those assholes who said you couldn’t have a black lead in SW, I’m saying that when it comes to fandom’s treatment of finn vs kylo or vs poe or vs whoever else a lot of the things that people deem problematic are common to every other fandom in existence and to the type of character finn is. the things I hate most about fanon finn’s characterization are the same things I hate about fanon bucky characterizations, and what do they have in common? they’re two people who come from being employed against their will by the villain side of the story who are actually good people and don’t want to fight for that side and who have gone through types of brainwashing to a different degree (finn because he was brought up to be a stormtrooper without identity and bucky because they literally erased it form him) from people who saw them as weapons and not people. it’s a trope. in a lot of fic where they’re in it, they’re characterized as if they need someone to hold their hand every other moment, which I frankly dislike a lot, and it’s the same for a lot of characters coming from that context. in some cases it can be racism, in others it’s just that finn is that type of character and he’s black, but I’ve been in fandom since 2003 and I saw that way of writing abused characters back then. address that if you think it’s an address-able problem, but it happening to finn has more to do with his background than his skin color. then if you’re talking about other things idk because as stated I stopped engaging other than checking the ao3 finnp0e tag after I read that if you shipped it you were objectifying nonwhite people because I ship people for their relationship, but that was the state of the discourse when I noped out.

‘only "Europeans", who "don't see race" claim that Poe is "white for them, not actual critics’ > er, actually most latin-americans I know would argue that poe is *not* a POC and that they don’t even abide to that definition and that people across latin america come in all shades so making the white/poc distinction makes no sense because they don’t think of themselves as such. but okay.

also: idk if you wanna be edgy by putting “don’t see race” in brackets, but I’m gonna tell you a thing: us europeans who *don’t see race* have studied WWII in school for a long time. I studied WWII since I was nine. now, you know what’s the basics of nazi race theory? that races exist and some races are more worthy than others and that you can count how much of a race you are by tracing back your grandparents, so idk if you have one black grandparent and three white ones you’re still considered *impure* same as if you have a jewish grandparent and so on. the drop of blood rule to us sounds like nazi theory 101 and honestly that’s why to a lot of us Europeans just the fact that here on tumblr ‘race’ is used as an actual thing that exist is skin-crawling worthy. what I learned in school is that the human race is just one and then you have different ethnicities within it but that at the bottom if it we’re the same, because if you admit that then saying you’re inherently better than a black person because you’re *different* or another race entirely isn’t that easy anymore. which doesn’t mean we don’t see ethnicity or culture - I’d never say that a chinese person is the same as a french or a south-african or canadian because I know they have different background and different experiences and different ethnicities, but I would not say they’re a different RACE than I am, because to me it would sound like something out of mein kampf. I can’t conceive the prospect that me and a black person are different RACES. we’re both human. then they’re obviously different ethnicity and culture and I see and recognize it. like, can you all stop twisting it like we think everyone is the same and there’s no difference at all? also, here, the moment someone says black people are an inferior race or a race at all, they get labeled FASCIST RACIST 101 STAY AWAY FROM ME. anyway, I do understand that on tumblr the discourse is american so I just scroll by over the use of the term race, but for me your definition is something I could never use. because cultural relativism. and ‘white passing’ for me is just the proof that poc as a term only works in the US and badly at that because why the fuck you need a term to say that some people who aren’t white look white is beyond me when you could just use their damned ethnicities to call them and be done with it, but never mind.

also idk where you gathered that I said poe was white. I said that according to some people it seems that he’s not when he’s shipped with finn but he is when he’s shipped with rey. and that makes no fucking sense. if oscar is a poc and poe is a poc (according to your definition) then both finnp0e and reyp0e are interracial couples. period. you can’t change the meaning of a word or someone’s ethnicity based on who the fuck you ship him with. and that’s a thing that happens in this fandom. period.

‘you probably should try to listen to them instead of playing the victim of the fandom not being nice enough space’ > man, I don’t think you understood my point. I’m not playing victim. I’m in fandom because I want to have fun and not because I want to run a politics campaign. now, I don’t care for fandom being a nice space, even if like, since it’s escapism, I’d like it if it was about fandom and not US politics cropping up everywhere. the point is that some of us are in fandom for shipping. I like finn and poe together. I wanna write finn and poe together. I want to do it best as I can and admittedly the one time I did it and posted it on tumblr I got more notes than I do for.... four fics for my main fandom combined. I had fun. I wrote them the way I saw them. I made sure to write them as IC as I could. I kinda wanna do it again. but the idea of going into a fandom where there’s discourse at every corner makes me want to shoot myself in the head. if people complain about ky*lux getting more traffic now, it’s because there’s less discourse over there for whichever reason you wanna pinpoint (problematic faves? problematic ship so no one judges others?). are there wankers over there? sure thing, but nowhere near as much as a corner of the fandom where every other day you can’t ship anything because it’s somehow -ist. and some of us want to, like, have fun. and produce content. and we don’t. because it’s not fun. and like, you can make it a welcoming space or not, idc because I’m not in it, but if then your discourse makes people run off to ship kylo and hux then don’t complain that you used to have more traffic when the movie was out and everyone was excited about things and the discourse wasn’t a thing. like. I don’t even engage in fandom exactly because I don’t want discourse, so I’m already doing what you’re telling me to. sometimes I rant about it on my blog.... in...... untagged posts like the one you replied to which I didn’t tag EXACTLY BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT DISCOURSE, so.

‘Because, honestly, if I had time or desire, I could've explained to you how each and every one of your point is bs.’ > yeah, but you didn’t. (always the same thing I hear. ‘I could tell you why you’re wrong but I won’t’) and honestly, given that I’m not gonna touch this fandom properly with a ten foot pole for the foreseeable future, I also can live without it.

anyway, I was just arguing that tfa fandom is unlivable if you’re not here for the discourse (which is true and it’s one’s prerogative since again fandom is escapism or a hobby unless you’re a youtuber or you made a job out of it), that people can and will ship what they want and they should be able to (and if you think this point is bullshit then we don’t have any more to discuss because the moment you tell me that people shouldn’t ship ANYTHING because it’s not morally fine according to you I’m out), that a person can’t fucking be white and not white at the same time (which is just basic logic) and that accusing people of -isms based just on their shipping preferences is bullshit (because rl and fiction aren’t the same thing and most of us know that, and again if you think this is bs you can spare yourself a reply I’m not even gonna bother because it’s a point I can’t really gloss over and we’d have a basic disagreement). idk what you thought I was saying or when I said poe was white (btw whiteness in europe =/= whiteness in the US) or when I said fandom wasn’t racist towards finn or whatever but feel free to put words into my mouth ad libitum, I’m really done.

(and this is still why I’m not touching this fandom ever)

[ada-kamz]

What it’s really like to travel alone

So after slightly more than 2 months of solo travel, i think i’m finally able to have a say how it’s really like for a tudung girl to brave the world alone.

1) The mother (literal) of all points, getting the greenlight from my parents. Cmon say this with me, IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. If my parents managed to let go of me, i am pretty sure any other parent will. Are you kidding this was probably the toughest thing i’ve done in my life it took eons for my mum to (semi) agree with me. Surprisingly my dad knows how bad i want it and all it took was to talk to him and convince him ONCE. You don’t know how thankful i am for that. All you need to do is research, research, research. Show them how amazingly resourceful you’ve been. This is the perfect time for you to angkat yourself and convince them you’re no longer the baby (for my case). Trust me, this first point is so important it took me months and months to convince them. It’s so worth it.

2) It really is so different than how you’ve imagined it to be. They’ve been glorifying solo travel everywhere especially on social media, twitter, instagram and facebook. You’d expect to feel like some sort of satisfaction once you’re there at a picturesque spot but it really isn’t as it seems. I don’t think you should ever compare your own personal experiences to something you’ve seen online, it’s like you’re losing the entire sense of purpose as to why you’re there. You’re not competing against the world, no one really knows what it’s like to be there and experience it. So yes go ahead and take your instagram worthy shots, do it for the gram. At the same time just remember that all these little things are meant for you to add onto you own little book of personal achievements, only you have done it. Stop comparing to all these other pretentious posts online.

3) Since we’re on the topic of pictures, you can forget about being in your photos for instagram unless you’re willing enough to put your phone down on video mode and quickly run into frame for a screenshot afterwards. Or the other easier alternative is just asking another person to take a shot for you. It’s like the best way to make a friend and just chat them up afterwards. Chances of you taking and ig-worthy picture at a tourist spot is especially high and most of the people there are tourists. So, why not. 

4) WHAT IS taking nice ootd pics when you’re backpacking. LOL seriously. 99% of the clothes you bring are gonna be crumpled. You can’t be bothered to iron your clothes (let’s forget about bringing a small iron). And if you really start taking ootds you can only recycle the same outfit so many times before everyone starts figuring out you brought only 4 different sets of clothing.

5) Okay so this is where the fun part starts, meeting new people. Travelling alone really opens you up to much much MORE new opportunities. The chances of you getting approached is way higher as compared to travelling in a group. By approached i don’t really mean in the cikopek kind of way but more like, meeting new people and experiencing things you never thought about. It’s really cool cause you meet people from really different walks of life and idk. Like what are the chances of me living this lady who’s originally from greece and is/was once a millionaire and has boats, cars, landed properties all around the world? That’s a pretty slim chance if you ask me.

6) Another thing you have to gain pretty quickly is….. CONFIDENCE. I mean i’ve never thought of myself as being insecure or whatever (r u kidding ofc i have my own sets of insecurities and issues i have to deal with). I’d like to think i’ve always been comfortable in my own skin. It all goes downhill when you finally realise you’re in the land of ang mohs all alone (it might just be me). And because of the stereotype you’ve been seeing all over the interweb, you start to have doubts and be very weary of what people think of you. Even before starting the conversation with someone new your mind starts to do the worst thing it can possibly do, OVER ANALYSE. “What if this person doesn’t want to talk to me cause i’m in a tudung.” “Maybe this person thinks i cannot speak in english” “What if this person is racist”. You know petty things like that. Fortunately for you, and all the other 29537298372973 tudung people, no one thinks that way. It’s just you and your minute mind. During the first week I kept on focusing on what made me different; my skin, my choice of clothing, my language. It was only till weeks after I realised that why focus on the bad when you can focus on the good. Focus on what brought all of you there. Being there alone and meeting all those people, it’s gonna be a shocker but most of you have a similar way of thinking. No matter which part of the world they’re from, there is bound to be a similarity. Focus on that.

7) Travelling alone is so so so so much more convenient. Coming from a huge family, we’ve always had to take other people’s thoughts or whatever into consideration before choosing where to go/ what to do. And sometimes it might be a bummer cause the activity you’ve always been wanting to do is the last thing on their death wishlist (drama but u feel me). I mean don’t get me wrong travelling with family and friends can be amazing but there’s just a different sense of…. being responsible for your own actions. You can choose what you want and don’t want to do, there won’t be that see-i-told-you-we-should-have-gone-here fights and it’s a nice feeling to be dependent on yourself. Other than the fact that you get to meet more new people and do things you’d like, travelling alone might just be your new favourite thing.

8) Might be my last point before a surge of greatness passes through me at 4am again, but yes this is the most important point of all. Enjoy your time there. Chances are it might be your one and only (hopefully not) time to travel alone and everyone else in your circle has yet to do it. Don’t even think about the fact that here you are travelling and blatantly enjoying for months at a time while everyone else is slogging working/studying. Neither is right or wrong. It really is your life, you set the reigns. I know i might seem too young/naive to say this but i'd like to fight my own battles and learn from my own mistakes. You know you’ve been wanting to do this for ages and finally you’re able to do it. Give yourself some credit you somehow managed to achieve one of your many goals (if you have that many). You’re gonna add this into your own book of personal achievements, no one can say they’ve done it except for you. And with that fact I hope you will be able to put your head up a bit higher (not too much now) and have a little more confidence in your step. This is the first of many adventures in your life and give many many thanks to everyone who made it happen. Alhamdulillah!!!