#but idk how much of that is just my imposter syndrome talking

[dovesnest]

hey i've been in a psych ward in southeast europe. it was necessary, and it fucking sucked. genuinely, no one mistreated me, it's just that the doctors have very little time for each individual patient and i was truly at rock bottom. and overall. it still saved my life. it was a safe unchanging environment with a routine and people who knew what i was going through. it was weird being the youngest there at 21, it was weird getting the pills from the nurses in tiny paper envelopes one at a time, it was weird and sucky and uncomfortable as fuck. if it came to that again, tho, i would do it again bc my alternatives were all so much worse. i wish you so so so much luck and wellbeing, stay strong, mwahmwah from another mentally ill girlie.

this is v v helpful information thank u so much!!

[kuuchuuburanko]

idk about u but mortis and I have been with the 'multiple medicine sellers' theory for years lol

[ozymoron]

whys it always "wow youre so talented you should make that your career!" and never" wow youre so talented can i suck you er dick?"

[arklay]

Your anger and sadness are so fucking justified. Stealing someone's oc is ridiculous. There's NO need to do that! You don't even need that much creativity to make your own, and if you're really stuck (like I get sometimes) just look towards canon characters or blogs dedicated to help building ocs. What's worse is tumblr's blocking system because, unless you block them on anon, it simply blocks their blog. They can log out and still view your blog! God I'm so sorry that this happened.

thank you 😭😭 i'm like so just horrifically angry right now that idk if i'm overreacting or if i was seeing things that weren't there, but no, the more i look and the more i match up the timeline of posts, it becomes extremely apparent to me that their oc is a copy of diana, and that really really hurts. and yes, i've cried a lot about it, because i talk about her so often and how much she means to me and how much just creative energy she gave me this year and the fact that i even write consistently now, so it hurts. i put a lot into her, so it's just really unfair, and like you said, blocking people on here is like hardly even effective

[seokshinedk]

Today was a bit of a rough day, but the most important part is that it is over & it’s time to move on

[burn-before-reading]

hiii! could i pls request reader x joost where reader meets his friends??? (stuntje, apson, tantu etc.) :3 thank u!!

Smitten

Joost Klein x shy! reader

word count: ill count it later

warnings: anxiety, imposter syndrome

a/n: This one got away from me. it was supposed to be shorter hahaha. idk if its what you expected but i had fun writing it :) not related to this fic but i love this picture so much Joost in skirts yall <3

also mini life update im finishing school rn so thats my focus. won’t completely abandon this blog but ill be offline a lot

RPF Below the cut ——

“We komen te laat, liefje” (we are gonna be late, love.)

You quickly slipped your shoes on and grabbed your jacket before meeting him at the door. opening your arms you do a little spin to show off your outfit.

“I look okay?”

“Yes, you look beautiful don’t worry.”

“Okay okay. Do the shoes match tho? I think maybe the black boots went with it better, and the shirt feels too fancy, gimmie like five-“

“Schatje,” he coos, grabbing your shoulders to steady you. He starts rubbing them slowly and you take a big breath in and out to relax yourself. “Its just my friends, they’re gonna love you I promise.”

“I know I know, I just wanna make a good impression.” you smile up at him sheepishly and he goes to kiss your forehead. he lets you go but moved his hand to grab yours and intertwines your fingers and tugs you gently out the door.

You make it to Tantu’s apartment about twenty minutes later, and you feel like you need a pep talk all over again. Joost feels your hesitation at the door and squeezes your hand tighter for reassurance before knocking. You can’t really say for sure why you are so nervous meeting his friends, but then the door opens and you are greeted by tantu himself. He introduces himself and immediately pulls you into a hug.

“we’ve heard so much about you. come in come in.”

The two of you walk in and you quickly scan the guests of the house party. Joost is familiar with most, but to you its a room of strangers and you feel all the butterflies in your stomach begin to turn. Joost leads you to where his main group of friends reside and you try to just focus on him and the feeling of your hand in his.

“Hey guys, this is y/n, my partner.” Joost introduces you to the group. “y/n, thats Apson, Alanis, Stuntje, and you met Tantu of course..” he takes the time to introduce each of his friends, and they all quickly wave or say hi to you. The girl you learned was Alanis stands up to shake your hand and go in for a hug as well, startling you again, but once again appreciating how friendly they are being.

“Hi, we’ve heard so much about you! great to finally meet you.” She takes both your hands and holds them. “You should sit.” she starts to pull you away from Joost and you turn and make a face that implies help? he just shrugs. “Theres drinks in the kitchen, Joost, if you guys want something.” she says and he hesitates before walking away.

“ill be okay for a second i promise.” you reassure. you see him slightly mouth something, probably in dutch, to Tantu, but he just shrugs and smirks before following behind.

You sit down and start to feel all their eyes on you. Tapping your foot nervously, you try to find the words to start a conversation, but Apson beats you to it.

“So you work at a coffee shop, right?” he asks. you nod.

“Yeah, for the last couple years or so. Its where I met Joost actually.” You see him just nod and smile, like he’s heard a version before.

“So, uh… what do you guys do for a living?” you ask and they start going around describing all their different creative jobs. Director, music production, art, content creation. The whole variety of creative jobs and it just makes you feel small. They are all so successful. Joost is so successful.

What are you doing here.

“So you and Joost have been dating for Three months, right?” Alanis asks, and you turn to her again.

“Uh, something like that. Its probably a little closer to 2 actually, but I guess we’ve been talking for a but longer than that so uh..” You feel a lump in your throat and start rapidly checking the room for Joost but he is no where to be seen. In your scan, you see a balcony that seems mostly empty so you quickly stand up and make an excuse to leave. “sorry, Uh, im gonna check on Joost.” you say and quickly walk the exact opposite direction of the kitchen and to the balcony. Two seconds later Joost comes back with two drinks in his hand and sees the empty spot where you should be. Glancing at the looks on his friends faces he just sighs.

“what the fuck, guys.”

-

On the balcony you try and use the fresh air to calm yourself down. Taking a breath in and out you just close your eyes in an attempt to center yourself. The sound of the screen door opens and closes behind you and you hear a voice pipe up.

“Sorry if we overwhelmed you. Joost told us you might be shy.” Alanis apologies. You open your eyes and smile at her.

“Its okay. Just feeling a bit out of place is all.” you reply and she tilts her head at your comment.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well, you guys have all these super cool creative jobs, you’ve all known each other for so long it seems. Ive just barely met you all and I can already feel the talent and charisma radiating off you guys. I just make boring coffee.”

“Oh thats nonsense, you’re not boring at all. Joost wouldn’t have gone out of his way to go to your work every day if you were.” she smiles, “If we came off as overly friendly, its just because we were excited to meet the person Joost has been so taken with these past few months.”

“Guessing he talked about me a lot, huh?”

“Since day one.”

that admission piqued your interest a bit. “really?”

“Im serious. He walked out your shop that day and immediately texted Apson, ‘Just met the love of my life’ I don’t even think he had your name yet.” she laughs and you laugh a little as well learning about this side of Joost. You had known that he had been going out of his way to visit the shop you worked at as often as possible, but you didn’t know how taken he was with you right away.

“ I knew he started stopping by often, I just thought he liked our pastries.”

“He was Smitten. sorry again for being so overwhelming. Joost came back and lectured us all the second you left.” she admitted. The idea of Joost being so upset at his friends being too welcoming made you laugh.

“Its alright. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed i suppose.”

“Mind if I smoke?” Joost knocks on the open glass door before joining the two of you. He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him before lighting his cigarette and taking a drag. he takes his cigarette with his free hand to lean a little closer to you and whispers. “alles goed, liefje?" (you alright, love?)

you nod and Smile at Alanis. “Yes, just needed some air. your friends are nicer than I expected.”

He nods and squeezes your waist before taking another drag and offering you his cigarette.

“I think im gonna head back inside. you two will be good?” Alanis asks and you smile and nod.

“I’ll join you in a sec.”

She heads back in. the second she is gone Joost immediately asks. “so how much did she spill?”

“only the good stuff.” you look at him and grin. “don’t worry I was smitten from day one too.”

[youngpettyqueen]

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

For DS9 <3

cracks my knuckles

alright so ive kinda covered the infantilization of Julian Bashir in my last answer and this is somewhat related because when people do this with him they also tend to make him out to be a lot more insecure than he is in canon, and in relation to that they also make him a total doormat who just lets people walk all over him which is. absolutely not what he's like. at all

Julian does have some degree of self-loathing and imposter syndrome but I think its vitally important to understand this as his anger and loathing being directed towards what was done to him. its not as simple as him hating himself- he hates what was done to him, so while there is a degree of self-loathing, that anger is also directed outwards at his parents and every doctor who had a part in augmenting him

I think takes where Julian is deeply insecure about being, like, really talkative are just incorrect. I dont read that from him at all. Julian is very unapologetically and loudly himself and he doesnt apologize for any of it. his confidence in himself is one of his defining character traits. ive seen takes that all of that is a front and I just dont agree with those takes. I agree that he has some degree of insecurity and that is related to his augmentations and some imposter syndrome based on that, but when it comes to things like how much he talks, his difficulties with reading social cues, I dont think he's particularly insecure. again, this is in relation to the very popular headcanon that Julian is autistic, and people take the traits he has that are common autistic traits, and make him insecure about them, and that tends to lead straight into takes I see where people make him out to be a doormat who cant stand up for himself

I genuinely have no idea where the fanon version of Julian that is incapable of sticking up for himself comes from. ive seen it in some fics, and in some headcanons, and it makes me wonder if we watched the same show. I dont think Julian cares all that much about jokes made at his expense about how chatty he is or how childish he can be. the one time I can think of that we see him get even slightly upset by jokes of that nature is when everyone is ganging up on him for his holosuite programs, and even then, he's not insecure about it he's annoyed cause he's being ganged up on by multiple people. Miles makes a lot of jokes at his expense and thats their general banter- Julian gives it back as good as he gets. same with Garak. ive seen people act like Miles telling Julian the Changeling was better was a horrible heartless thing and sure, it wasn't a great thing to say, but thats just. how they talk to each other. the cornerstone of their dynamic is them ribbing each other. same with how Miles and especially Garak will joke about Julian's augmentations- ive seen people act like this is horrible on their ends, while I read it as its their way of normalizing it for Julian and showing their acceptance of it. and if Julian really didnt like it, he would say something. he's not shy!

idk I feel like some of that might come from The Wire in how Julian sits back and takes Garak's yelling at him and attacking him, but to me thats just Julian being really good at handling a crisis situation. as someone who deals with crisis situations as part of my job, what Julian is doing is just trying to de-escalate the situation. he's keeping himself very neutral and letting Garak rant- if he were to snap back in that moment, it would only escalate things further, which he was trying to avoid. this is exactly what youre supposed to do when faced with someone in crisis. its also worth mentioning that Garak was going through agonizing withdrawals, so I doubt Julian was taking anything Garak was saying to heart. he responds to him like he's taking him seriously, for the purpose of de-escalating the situation and trying to calm Garak down. thats not an indication that Julian is incapable of standing up for himself and will just let himself be walked over, but rather that he just. knows how to handle a crisis

the infantilized oh-so-innocent deeply insecure eternally bullied Julian Bashir that I see exist in some fanon circles is just. so bizarre to me. it takes so much of nuance away from his character and im not sure what for? ive seen it used in some fics to bolster Garak up as this protector for him and im not a fan of twisting their dynamic to be like that, it takes a lot of the intricacies of their dynamic away in favour of loading them up with tropes. I think people forget that Julian very successfully kept his augmentations hidden for over half his life and would've continued to keep them hidden if his parents hadn't fucked it all up. I also think people forget that Julian is perfectly capable of and WILL stick up for himself, and that a lot of his anger at his situation is directed outward. turning him into this weird version of himself that is very woe-is-me just does nothing for me and is very divorced from how he actually is. he's snappy and rude as hell when he wants to be, he's not taking shit lying down, doesnt matter who it comes from

also a smaller thing but it annoys me every time cause I get it in notes on my posts. when people say Julian's self-sacrificing tendencies come from his need to be useful I wanna whack them with a rolled up newspaper. its because he wants to SAVE PEOPLE it is explicitly about SAVING PEOPLE he isnt trying to die to be useful his goal when he runs through fire is to help and to save because he is, at his core, a doctor and a healer!! its about the preservation of life and doing everything he can!! its not about this weird complex fanon gives him where he needs to be useful or die trying to justify his existence or whatever I dont read that at all from him. he's just that determined to save lives

hope you enjoyed this ramble I have many thoughts and feelings on this

[ashedink]

A Vulture In Therapy #3

The Appointment (Well, In A Few Months)

ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:15 AM

Hey so guess who just heard back from Doctor Erian's clinic after a month of waiting in the dark. I'm not scheduled until November, though Probably was too hopeful of me to think I'd have an appointment before my birthday

tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:17 AM Nice! Do you have an appointment then? Oh, heck, that's a ways off ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:18 AM November 14th, yeah But I guess it gives me time to prepare So… what should I expect going in? I've heard mixed things about Doctor Erian… tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:19 AM Oh boy that's the big question isn't it So for me, and I think for a lot of other people, he went right into the gatekeepy "one letter from a physician, two letters from psychologists, live as your preferred species for however many months" ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:21 AM He can't be too bad right? Oh yeah I've heard about the "live as preferred species" thing. Not sure he'll accept my response but that's one of the few things I am prepared for. tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:22 AM The thing is, I'm pretty sure it's all a secret test of your resolve and how well you match what you want He started hesitating once I got up in his face about how someone is supposed to live as a dragon for an entire year And he folded like a towel once I threatened to bite him But I saw him smirk, I think it was that I said 'bite' specifically ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:26 AM Huh. I guess I have some respect for that. Maybe a bitter respect but… uhg, I dunno, it's complicated. Like there are some things I certainly cannot physically do with my human body and that's the whole reason I want what I want. I really don't like arguing. This is gonna feel like my gallery capstone all over again. "No seriously I do know what I'm talking about, see it from this perspective" (strangling the Imposter Syndrome demon in the back of my head)

tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:27 AM Yeah I don't know if he would have approved it if I'd shown any kind of doubt But maybe it's different for non-predator theriotypes idk ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:30 AM Maybe. I wonder how they'll handle a scavenger. I guess there's only one way to know. Oh, do you know when you'll get your first prescription fill? Does it take a long time? tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:30 AM I'm supposed to get it in September, apparently if you're on gender hormones you have to wait for the one year mark, something about being 'biologically receptive' But you won't have that issue so you might get yours a lot sooner ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:33 AM I suspect part of the wait is having to formulate each therian's medicine individually. Giving me cat HRT probably isn't gonna turn me into a bird. tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:33 AM Yeah I guess this isn't One Size Fits Most like normal estrogen and testosterone are ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:36 AM Well. Nothing to do but wait now. Maybe getting on some of the Therian HRT support groups and hearing some more people's stories will help. Thanks for your input, hope your new therapy medicine arrives on time I might pester you with more questions in the future tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:37 AM Anytime! I'd be glad to help you along on this one ashedink — 07/03/2024 10:38 AM ^v^ (I've started using bird emoticons more, it's fun!) tigergirltail — 07/03/2024 10:38 AM I mean, you know how long I've been using cat emotes =3 So I get that

ashedink — 11/13/2024 11:01 PM

FIRST CONSULTATION APPOINTMENT TOMORROW WISH ME LUCK AAAAAAA- It's actually happening! It's actually happening!

tigergirltail — 11/13/2024 11:01 PM Gee I can't tell, are you excited? =3 ashedink — 11/13/2024 11:04 PM I am Anxcited Question: would it be considered too much if I came in with a folder of vulture facts outlining how similar humans and vultures are to each other, and how I've techincally been "living like a vulture" basically my entire life understanding that the parameters I need to fulfill exclude things that would literally kill me Because I already have the folder but now I'm second guessing myself and I can FEEL THE ANXIOUS INFODUMP INSTINCT I am either gonna say nothing at all or way too much HELP tigergirltail — 11/13/2024 11:07 PM Do it. Slap that gatekeepy doctor with every Cool Vulture Fact in your birb cranium Might improve your odds tbh ashedink — 11/13/2024 11:08 PM You are a cool and awesome friend and I am glad I have you to encourage me when I am a scattered anxious mess Thank you Alexis tigergirltail — 11/13/2024 11:08 PM You've got this Ash I believe in you =3

(featuring my long time friend and the person who acted as my gate into therian HRT, @tigergirltail)

[suzukiblu]

hi! i have a question for you, if that’s ok? i always try to leave comments on fics i read, especially on ao3 where it’s really easy to do that. in other fandoms i’ve been in, before getting into dc, fic authors often responded to my comments on their works and it was pretty easy to make friends through that and other social media and have lots of fun interactions talking about the fandom and our favorite characters etc.

however, i’ve found with this fandom it seems to be very different? almost nobody seems to respond to comments on their fics and i’ve found it very difficult to make any fandom friends, even in a casual-tumblr-mutuals kind of way. (this isn’t about you btw, you seem like the friendliest person i’ve come across on here so far which is why i’m asking you haha)

i completely understand many people are busy or some authors may find responding to comments overwhelming, but i was just wondering if this is something you or anyone else has noticed? is it a quirk of the dc fandom in particular? or am i just getting older and fandoms in general are changing haha, idk.

anyway sorry for the long ramble, feel free to ignore if i’m making no sense. i really enjoy all your stories (and your art! your art style is so cute!) and i hope you’re having a great day :]

Thank you, I'm glad you like my stuff! Especially the art, that I always feel like I'm worse at, hah. ❤️ I hope you're having a great day too. And asking me questions is always okay, no worries! I can't always get to everything in my inbox, to be honest, but I do my best to respond to as much stuff as I can. Either way, though, I never mind getting questions.

Personally I don't currently respond to most of my comments (I try to answer questions that aren't spoilers, but that's usually it these days) because it's just really easy for me to run out of spoons doing it and end up down a rabbit hole of comments instead of actually WRITING, which stresses me out because then I don't feel suitably "productive" for my imposter syndrome brain, and I also know a few people who don't respond because of anxiety or things like that, but I don't know if it's specifically a DC fandom thing or an overall trend in fandom in general? Every fandom is different, obviously, and also certain SECTIONS of those fandoms are different. Like, when I was into MCU fandom, I never really expected super-involved responses when I wrote Stucky because there was SO MUCH Stucky that it seemed like a lot of people just kinda churned through it and it all blurred together for them, but when I wrote about Darcy Lewis oh BOY did people come out of the woodwork to tell me how much they loved it in GREAT detail. Having a niche in general helps, I think, because if you're doing something that isn't super-common or interested in something that isn't super-common, people will be more excited to see it from you or hear you appreciating it from them.

I WILL say there's only a couple DC authors I can currently think of who I generally assume I'll get replies from when I comment on their fic, but I don't know if that's the specific fandom or just that I'm not reading a ton of fic right now and therefore have a smaller pool of authors I'm commenting on. Like, it's hard to tell, honestly. Also DC is a very widespread fandom and pretty old and established, but there's definitely characters and series and canons that just get ignored by huge chunks of it, so if you're into them you either have a real easy time finding people who are excited to talk to you or a real HARD time, depending on where you're looking.

Either way, I think it's really great that you try to leave comments on everything you read and a really good habit for the fandom ecosystem, I know a TON of authors who appreciate getting even, like, a single friggin' emoji or kudos, whether they respond or not. Literally any not-a-hate-comment comment is good for the ecosystem, imo, even when it's not obvious that it is. I very literally once wrote, like, eighty thousand words pretty much just because someone left a very kind comment on an old fic I'd abandoned. I did not actually RESPOND to that comment, as far as I remember; I just changed my mind about abandoning the fic and went through the long-ass process of getting my brain back into it and then the even longer-ass process of writing another 80k over the next few months/year until I got to the end. So like, I VERY much am a person who believes in the value of feeding the ecosystem, hah.

I am largely a call-and-response type of writer myself, so like, getting comments or people talking to me in my replies/asks/messages is basically like somebody is putting tokens in the fic machine and pulling a lever, and we'll all just see if I write three sentences or 80k or secretly tailor a fic towards things a frequent commenter's mentioned appreciating/being into. It's a surprise every time, with me!! And like, that's just how I work, of course, everybody's different, but I have NEVER met anybody who told me they didn't like getting comments.

When I leave comments myself, I tend to feel like more like I'm just telling the author that I think they're on the right track with the thing they're writing, one way or another, and letting them know it got a reaction or feelings or the like out of me, but I'm generally not really expecting a response from them. For actually making friends, I've found MUCH more luck in talking to people on Tumblr and Discord than on AO3. I've made friends on AO3 on and off over the years, but it's just much, MUCH easier for me to do on Tumblr and Discord. Though I kind of have a cheat code there in the sense that I'm a pretty prolific writer and so I've kinda encouraged people to get into the habit of checking my blog pretty frequently or even put alerts on for it, so generally people have a lot of opportunities to talk to me or be reminded I'm around.

I tend to notice people who show up repeatedly in my Tumblr mentions, personally, especially when they talk in the tags or comment in the replies or send me asks, and some of them I've either become friends with or just, like, secretly adopted as secret faves and sometimes sneak little extra treats of Things I Think That One Tumblr Person Would Like into my writing or pick specific WIPs to work on because I think "hey last time I wrote this [ TUMBLR FAVE ] really liked it, I should write more!" (and then I cackle in triumph/delight when they reblog it later, for that is a Victory, mwahaha), but like, it's a process? I definitely feel like making friends in fandom is generally slower than it was once upon a time, but also I'm a Fandom Old so there's been a few migrations and such over my time online too. And also Discord confuses me, hahaha. Discord is VERY confusing to me.

Ummm . . . okay I got INTO that reply, I guess, lol, but I hope that answered your question? Or at least helped answer it, if nothing else!

[toasteaa]

I don't know what's been going on with me recently but like...there's this tiny shred of guilt that I'm not doing anything really engaging on here anymore? Like, my creative block is fading out (finally), but I haven't drawn or written anything substantial recently and I feel really weird about that. Not just for you all looking at my blog, but also just in a creative bust kind of way.

There are ideas and themes and such that I would love to play with or dabble in, but I keep stopping them because they're either too self indulgent or there's no visual work to go with it. I don't really know how to describe it? Like I feel like I've been lazy creatively speaking recently when I COULD be getting more ideas out, but it's about the same ship all the time and idk, I also feel like I've gotten to the point where I'm talking too much again? Not that anyone here has made me feel like that and I have asks that I need to answer so I KNOW I'm not talking too much but I'm!!!! Being splashed with the self conscious and self critical and imposter syndrome buckets and I need them to stop!!!!

[rosiiclouds]

OK SO I GET TO INFODUMP ABOUT MY OWN KNOWLEDGE OF THE DC COMICS SO YIPPEE YOU CANNOT ESCAPE ME

so basically, we’re starting with batfam and the multitudes of robins there is, bc it’s one of th e most confusing thing there is.

The favorite, the classic, Richard Grayson (otherwise known as dick but I. I can’t, I just can’t-)

Orphan, pretty sure his parents died in an accident with their circus act, but idr, I think it also kinda had to do with the joker? Again, don’t remeber

afterwards Bruce adopts him and he becomes Batman’s first sidekick, Robin. He’s the Fun robin, the classic, the quip-er, the silly, a literal twelve year old child fighting crime. Everyone loves him. Everyone has heard of him.

In his teen years, he gets a little more unique, no longer JUST being Batman’s sidekick, but also being a part of the teen titans (after being inspired by the Justice League, Batman’s own superhero club.) he ends up being a bit more rebellious in his own way, and even rejects the Robin mantle, and becoming Nightwing (there was also a Discowing at some point but shhhhhhh)

he also ends up moving out of Gotham to Bludhaven in his adulthood.

then we move onto The Second Robin, also a fan favors.

2. Jason Todd, aka, the guy who has a white streak in his hair.

yea the white streak actually has a lot of plot importance lmao

Jason’s parent also died, completely forgot how, probably another Joker thing-

Bruce takes him in, and he becomes the Next Robin.

Things are good (ish, I mean it’s dc) for a while, but THEN

The Joker Decides To Be a Little Silly (derogatory)

he kidnaps Jason, and Batman… idr if he just doesn’t care or plain just can’t find him, but he doesn’t come to rescue Jason until the very last minute.

Jason is sitting there, thinking Bruce with save him, clinging to that idea, all the while being TORTURED and eventually BRUTALLY PIPE MURDERED BY THE JOKER

I also think the building might’ve blown up at some point but I might be misremembering, or mixing two different canons idk.

BUT THEN

Jason ends up getting revived Due To Stuff I Never Rememebr (something about a Pit, it was green, looked like nukulaer waste).

and he doesn’t remeber SHIT other then being pissed at both the joker and Batman.

so he tries to kill both as (which yeah, Batman didn’t even kill the joker after, just kinda threw him in prison, which he quickly broke out of again. Thanks Batman.), he also now goes by Red Hood, and he gets guns! :D

but you see.

The Next Robin.

3. Tim drake.

rich parents hated and neglected him, he then got adopted by Bruce.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know as much about Tim, but I do know that when Jason came back, he felt betrayed (bc at some point he regains his memories but shhhhh I don’t remeber when) and like Batman replaced him, which is no fault of Tim ofc, but Jason doesn’t know that, and tries to take revenge on both of them

eventually, Jason gets stopped, again I don’t remeber exactly how since a lot of what I know is from other people, not all the comics, but jason eventually leaves them alone and stops trying to kill everyone.

Tim Needs A Fucking Break, so he decides to get a little Silly (not like joker) and goes away for a few years and leaves being Robin behind, (also I think aorund this point he gets his Spleen taken by Guy Who’s Name I Forget But In The Dark Knight Trilogy He’s Played By Liam neson.)

durring this time we get our Fourth Robin, Stephanie Brown.

4. Steph!

she and Tim date at one point but we all decided to side step that so we don’t talk about it nope we do not not right now that is a can of worms we do NOT have time for

Stephanie was raised by this Ofher Guy I Always Forget Name Of, and was trained to be an assassin to both accompany him and take his place. Eventually, she breaks away from him, and joins Batman. She becomes Robin for a while, and has Imposter Syndrome. I love her so much she’s so fun.

after Tim comes back, he takes the Robin role again, and so she’s kinda left without a role, until she is offered the title of Batgirl after Cassandra Cain becomes her own thing (iirc. Also don’t get me started on batgirl it’s a lot, it deserves its own post/ask)

also at one point I think she kills herr dad but there’s no harmonica solo (/ref).

THEN.

5. Damian Al Ghoul/Wayne.

Bruce’s biological son.

he was raised by his mother, (who Jason fucked I think) and grandmother (who stole Tim’s spleen) to be an assassin (AGAIN, this has happened so many times wtf-), and on a mission, he’s assigned to kill Batman.

……..

HES FUCKING EIGHT FUCKING YEARS OLD

he’s I think the youngest Robin too.

anyways he tries to kill Tim. Bc my man can’t fucking catch a break.

and then Bruce adopts him.

and makes Tim give up the mantle of Robin. So Tim gives Robin over to Damian. And it’s one big fucked up family that has a canon Fluff Fic on Webtoon.

there’s also ofc Barbara and Katie and cass and duke but first I need to tell you what Tim did right after Damian becomes robing.

Tim 1) takes o r Wayne enterprises, and 2) keeps doing vigilante work under, get this, the name of RED ROBIN.

I’m not joking,

he’s named afer a fucking restaurant.

tumblr isn’t letting me put images but omg.

he danced around on trade mark to get hit with the next.

so that’s the robins. (Abridged ofc)

how old was everyone .

How old was Tim during the million attempts on his life

HOW OLD WAS JASON WHEN HE DIED

[heathtrash]

When you're working on TWW fanfic, how do you get like new inspiration or even just the motivation to keep going?

(p.s. thank you for keeping the fandom alive!!)

inspiration/ideas are something i almost never have a problem with. i come up with new scenarios for these gays almost constantly and it's everything in me to not just constantly begin new wips and crossovers and aus that have never been explored! and there's so much media to draw from with tww with all eight books, the shows, the movie, the spinoffs - idk but even like vanilla 2017 or 1998 stuff is always giving me life, maybe because i'm an insatiable multishipper with no chill and an adoration of rarepairs.

i also make sure i "read around" tww. i watch things or listen to audiobooks with a related genre or vibe, especially if i'm exploring au or want to go for a specific tone. keeping your brain active and making connections like this helps so much with inspiration and plot. it's like going on a silly little mental health walk, but instead of nature or whatever, you're opening your brain up to new possibilities. even something completely unrelated can spark something! it makes the worlds you write feel a bit richer as you're writing them.

motivation is something different, because i struggle with a lot of self-confidence in my own writing (lol, cptsd. i'm in therapy). comments on my works do really help with that. but these days people seem to feel weird about leaving comments on works that aren't like a week old??? bruh people still talk about books that are decades or centuries old. and we have some lovely people still in the fandom who are willing to read some of my work, and that is amazing to me!!

but of course, there are fics i've started that i am not sure will ever see the light of day because i feel like they're not good enough, or works that i've put up that very few people were interested in (rip to pippa university years my beloved. never escaped single digits on the kudos for 10k of fic). those embarrassments and failures hold me back so much because they confirm my own negative thoughts about my writing and make me not want to put my energy into this. i have a full plan of chapter 13 of a clock with no hands, but i keep giving myself imposter syndrome over my ability to write it well enough. idk. rationally, i know that the types of story i write are sometimes not what people want to read. i think it's important to talk about (please i am NOT fishing) because i'm sure there are many people who feel the same way. some people even look up to me as a writer?? but i cannot emphasise enough that it's a miracle that anything goes online with my mental health being how it is.

anyway, enough about me! mostly i try to think primarily of the fandom and what's best for us right now. that's why i'm running the drabble exchange, which i think will be a really fun way to get little sparks of inspiration going for everyone, as well as hopefully providing a chance for new writers to dip their toe into whatever ship they like! please sign up to join in - this is the last weekend before i close sign-ups!

i'm certainly not solely responsible for keeping the fandom alive though!!! there are some incredible artists who are doing a much better job of that than me with the recent influx of art - as well as all those who are writing new fics that are providing after the slump we had with the conclusion of the 2017 series. it was really hard to recover the fandom after s3, and i know i've had a small part to play in that with the twitter group chat evolving into reviving the discord. but i couldn't have done any of that if no one else was around to join in!

(also side note - general invitation extended to anyone who wants to join the discord!)

[welcometogrouchland]

could u elaborate on darius camila fake dating? ill assume its for convenience's sake but ure so right the complicated feelings this would stir in luz, hunter and even vee are delicious

Okay so, I don't usually write fanfic, but I do have several fanfic scenarios and jumping off boards that I, when inclined, rotate in my mind like a DVD. Most of them are remarkably silly and arbitrary in premise, and the Darius and Camilla fake dating scenario is no exception.

To set the scene, it's post canon, w/ a working portal at Luz's disposal and Hunter flitting between a couple houses atm

The Nocedas and Deamonnes are having family dinner in the human realm. Things are going well! Darius is telling mostly non-morbid stories (bc based on CotH he CAN get morbid when he wants), Camila is impressed by the things he has to say even if he's not so subtly bragging as he goes on (both about himself as a matter of bravado, but also about Camila's kids. They're tough little bastards and he admires them, even if he'd never admit it)

Luz and Vee like to push Darius' buttons bc frankly it's stupidly easy and rewarding to do so (he is an irritable man, Luz is a mischievous lil scoundrel and Vee is, fundamentally, a silly creature. Vee's still nervous around witches (excluding the hexsquad) so Luz takes the lead w/ teasing)

Meanwhile, Hunter's having the time of his life!!! He's getting double the amount of parental praise and affection he normally gets!!! Big win in his eyes!!! He's never realised how much he likes his lives in the human and demon realm intersecting until now.

and, obviously, the stars of this hypothetical show, Darius and Camila. on the surface they seem very different, and they definitely are to an extent! Camila's naturally a sweet woman with a tougher more authoritative side that she reserves for when her loved ones are in trouble. Darius is a naturally cold and sophisticated person who only reveals the softer side of himself to those he's close with. she's very sincere and has been at this whole 'parenting' thing for a while, Darius has a few layers of persona and hard outer-shell on at all times and he's literally only been something close to a parent for like. a few months max.

but fundamentally they both feel massively out of their depth. right now, they both have a bigger support network than ever before, but the fact is that they've both been very lonely people until recently, and they're used to doing things with maybe one person by their side, max. they have all these people eager to help them, but also all this fear of Doing It Wrong and i feel like they're both people who're very conscious of how they're perceived by others. it makes them want to pull away and keep doing things the way they always have. but seeing that same imposter syndrome and concern born out of love in each other is...nice. it's nice to know someone else gets it. that they're not alone.

It's a wonderful time all around, until someone (stealing the idea of it being Camila's coworkers from another anon) unexpectedly calls to the house for a visit (ig Camila forgot abt clinic potluck night)

IMMEDIATE panic breaks out; Vee greets the guests at the door and stalls while Luz and Camila shove Darius and Hunter into another room to quickly try and come up with an exit plan. There's one obvious solution: summon the portal and go.

We could say there's an issue with this somehow (idk maybe stringbean ate the portal key and they're waiting for her to cough it up) OR we could just say that while Luz and Hunter want to be responsible, protect the demon realm and all that, they were also having a really good time. Luz loves talking about her adventures in the demon realm to her mom, Hunter's only now realising how happy having two parents/families makes him, even Darius is coming out of his shell as the night goes on.

And thus, the Boyfriend Suggestion is given

(rest under the cut bc holy fuck this is long)

Which is to say, Hunter says they can excuse Darius' presence by claiming he's Hunter's previous foster parent/social worker/etc (since I think the only way Camila can really justify the 5 extra kids that stayed in her house over summer with 2 of them staying to people in town would be something like foster care)...AND Camilla's new boyfriend, hence why he's here for the night :] <- this is the face Hunter is making @ Camila and Darius btw

Now, this may seem like a lot of mental gymnastics on Hunters part to keep the night going. And it is! But fortunately, hunter has experience with mental gymnastics. Especially if it's for something that he really really wants. It's not entirely selfish on his part, he's perceptive can tell that both Camila and Darius are lonely people deep down. he wants to see the people he cares about being happy and connected and they were just getting along so well!

Maybe the extra connection is an unnecessary detail, but in his eyes, the worst thing that could happen is a slightly awkward evening, while the best thing that could happen is he gets to live like this forever. Hooray! He is not going to investigate his own possible desire to have a more conventional family structure btw. He definitely doesn't have any leftover fears about non-conformity and being neglected left over from the emperor's coven. Absolutely not.

exiting out of hunters inner monologue and returning to the scene- Camila laughs, Immediately and nervously, because really? Darius? her boyfriend??? As if her co-workers are going to buy that the middle aged, nerdy widow with the famously unpopular daughter managed to snag a 6 ft tall, buff-ass Adonis who, while not being able to tell them that he's secretly a beautiful elf man, you still kinda tell. There's a Vibe he's always radiating, even in human disguise mode.

She genuinely means it when she says all this, she thinks she's just being realistic, but it makes Luz, Hunter and Darius sad to hear. Luz and hunter love Camila SO MUCH. Darius has really appreciated her company tonight. they don't want to hear her talk bad abt herself.

And maybe it's Darius' own rebellious nature that spurs him to contradict her. He's the kind of guy who believes in sticking it to ppl and proving that you're not the person they thought you were! And he's not above petty victories either. He looks at Luz and Hunter. They look back at him. He steels himself.

He pretended to be a coven head for years. He's played the role of someone cool, calculating and utterly unattached to the point of nearly convincing himself along with everyone else...

...So surely he can pretend to be his son's mom's boyfriend for a night!

and essentially any amount of shenanigans can spiral out of that premise, lol.

You can have Darius fumbling his way through pretending to be a human!

(He's doing his best. Hunter is guiding him but he's also wrong a lot of the time. Honestly Camila's coworkers look at Luz and think back to Manny and are like. Yeah that checks out this woman's a weirdo magnet)

You can have Camila and Darius!

(2 full grown adults who haven't had significant committed relationships in a while) trying to figure out the Right Amount of fake affection and PDA it takes to be convincing w/o being weird

Darius not knowing how to operate around the Noceda girls now that he's been put in this liminal paternal space for the night. Gives them both these awkward head pats and then internally cringes

You can also have the kids wildly differing emotional responses to this frankly absurd scenario! I genuinely cannot afford to make this any longer than it needs to be so maybe I'll expand on this idea some other time BUT in my mind it's a lot of...

bickering between Luz and Hunter about if this is really necessary (they are both self motivated rn but in ways that are understandable)

Vee not even knowing how to approach the idea of Camila having a boyfriend/her having more than one parent (this is all very new to her). I'm honestly torn about whether she'd warm up to Darius and be happy at the idea of having a bigger family or if her own fears of abandonment would lead to her being possessive/protective of her mom. It could go either way depending on how you characterize her relationship to Darius

Luz knowing that it's fake but still having a visceral reaction to just the idea of her mom dating and finding herself torn between wanting her mom to be happy and not being ready to accept any new father figures in her life after losing her dad

Hunter realising that Luz is uncomfortable and that in his pursuit of his dream family he may have accidentally put the first person to make him feel like family in immense emotional conflict

There'd probably be some family conflict either during the coworkers visit (prompting them to leave) or after they're already gone. Mostly about Darius and Hunter being not totally honest and kinda Weird the whole night, and the Nocedas unprocessed grief that they've both been refusing to deal with for a while.

Then however the hypothetical fic would resolve is up to you! Do Darius and Camila actually get together? Does one catch feelings but the other is still hung up/hesitant? Do they just stay friends and confidants? It's all up to the imagination baby

Anyway, sorry for the terrible wait on this answer anon, I've had several funks/episodes in the interim between starting and finishing this ask, hence why it got delayed lol. It's probably not as polished as it could be, and is really just a functional ramble about things I don't think I'll ever write, but it was definitely a fun ride lol

[mskinkyafro]

Thoughts & Spoilers for S2 of FX The Bear

Overall it was a strong second season that for the most kept up to the same quality as the first, if not excel in some areas. I loved having specialized episodes for side characters and expanding on them.

It’s interesting to see if S3 will be having Carmy at a crossroads or questioning continuing this path and also still having to meet the profit deadline from Unc Jimmy.

Seeing the growth and different connections that each character comes to make The Bear successful and the dedication was truly just perfect and the writing for it blew me away.

Now I think my biggest critiques are regarding the romance aspects and the potential ships.

Claire & Carmy was so insignificant for me. Idk if they really wanted us the viewers to care about her and the relationship. But I felt mainly more upset that Carmy didn’t believe he can be happy and have a healthy work/life balance than Claire leaving.

I personally hope they don’t try to revive or bring this parking back. Not even as Chef Kiss shipper but the fact that we don’t see the impact that Claire really has on Carmy, what about her outside of outdated/pre-date canon lore to see why she’s so great for him and why he likes her?

After episode 6 to me it was made clear that Carmy is with Claire bc of what she represents than truly liking and “loving” her. She is a chance for him to feel normal and not too much of psycho or fucked up person.

I’d further say that his pursuing Claire and exploring this relationship was almost a way to “connect” to Mikey but also avoid “ending up”like Mikey. In the sense we learned how Mikey cared about Carm’s love life and happiness and was pushing him to be with her and so for him to years later be with her it almost like a sign to take his dead brother’s gift. But also the fact that she distracts him from the pressures of launching the restaurant, it helps eases his fear of following Mikey’s footstep and talking about a pipe dream restaurant but never completing anything or making it successful especially his runs with success were short lived bc he couldn’t handle it.

So then the big revelation falls flat and I don’t really feel bad for her bc once again I don’t see how he or even she could love someone in such a short span but what else did he learn about her and what did she learn about him. They both are in love of what they think they know but not the real person.

She understood he’s special but once again, I just felt like she was there to be a conflict engine and plot device for Carmy rather than a real character and it’s unfortunate but bc if that I really don’t care that she’s gone now. I just said hope we don’t see Carmy really going back to her bc I just don’t think the show establishes enough for me the viewer that he really loves this woman. It’s more of the potential than person.

Which goes back to what I said previously posted about that this very thing, perceptions and the understanding of these characters and would stop Carmy and Syd from being together. Now watching the full season I think there’s a clearer understanding of both shortcomings but also more discussion on not just the focus but what the need and expect from the other that’s outside of pristine persona or imposter syndrome that those two hide behind. And also it’s have to be a final season type of establish relationship if they did pursue Chef kiss bc it really is a slow burn that is remisncent of classic tv that I love. To keep the audience on the toes but watching the gradual affection and intimacy change. Shows keep trying to avoid that but I say keep creating bc that’s one of the most beautiful and profound parts of television imo.

Now for Syd and Marcus I peeped how they were trying to set it up and I’m sorry I’m not a fan. I feel like the dynamic should stay as brother/sister or friends. And it feels one sided rather than Syd is purposefully ignoring her feelings bc I don’t feel she has romantic feelings for Marcus and his reaction to her trying to place a boundary during dress rehearsal dinner me the wrong way.

Also in media and tv shows I find it telling when it seems that it’s more palpable to pair the “only” (in the case of the show they aren’t the only but you know what I’m getting at) two black characters just bc they black (that’s the vibes I get from the ships, but that’s my opinion. Others are welcome to disagree) vs having black female lead with the male white lead. Just saying especially how some in the fandom would rather not acknowledge the established connection whether you don’t interpret romantic or not between Syd and Carmy. But Marcus and Syd is just one of the ones that idk is slightly out of left field and doesn’t need to explore and once again, I bring up the point you’d want to maybe breadcrumb that but why the complete hell no for Syd and Camry? Just saying, bombastic side eye 👀

Anyway I get that like many modern shoes and comedy/frame does writers are hell bent on trying to be so cool and different and unlike others before them by being anti-romance but yet utilizing elements of it and trying add some side plots so it’s kinda like which is it?Just saying.

Anyway a great season, I love really dive into the characters and their history and especially the darkness and mental illness of the Berzatto family like probably the best fucking episode of tv I’ve seen. Just the writing the balance of characters to the acting and the direction like truly.

[allthings-acorn]

I haven’t really posted about this but I’m in the process of getting a dog training, walking, and pet sitting business of the ground. So naturally I’m in the trenches battling against imposter syndrome.

I have a couple of pet sitting clients and one puppy I’m training so far. I had originally discussed a 6 week time-frame for basic puppy training. Tomorrow is the 6th lesson but it’s been a couple weeks since I worked with the puppy’s family. So I texted the mom today to check in and I told her that I wanted to set aside some time tomorrow to discuss the puppy’s progress.

She responded, “Can we continue after 6 lessons?” And I reassured her that we could, and I just wanted to talk about where we were at and set goals for moving forward. She said she was relieved, since my first message had her worried!

Anyway, I’m feeling torn between A) Hooray they want more training! They’re happy with the service! And B) But shouldn’t I have solved their issues by now? Am I failing because I gave them a six week estimate and now they want more training?

I genuinely am not sure which voice to listen to. The puppy has made some good progress on potty training, and she went from barking and biting the crate bars to completely crate trained. We’ve done a fair bit of work on impulse control and reinforcing calm behavior. It’s a family with lots of small kids so a lot of their issues come down to either management or the parents not having enough time to practice with the puppy or struggling to be consistent. So on the one hand, I think the puppy is doing well for such a difficult environment but also I’m terrified that I’m taking advantage of these folks somehow?

Idk part of me wishes my first client was a bit more straight forward. Like, puppy raising is very much my wheelhouse but figuring out how to manage expectation and get results in a busy house with young kids is very much not.

[miradelletarot]

Storytime!

(TW: brief mention of self-harm, and uhh...idk if this is a trigger, but I'll be talking about my shit relationship with my parents/husband). I'll be honest, I'm anxious about writing this, but...idk maybe this long-winded rambling will make some sense to someone out there. Hoping the catharsis of writing this shit out will be therapeutic or something. Anyway, I am 37. My parents are at least a generation older than most of my peers' parents. (They are boomers...big shocker lol). I grew up with a TON of spicy mental and emotional trauma, and was brainwashed into believing that I could not do a damn thing unless they told me to. I was worthless without them. Even now, as an adult, I struggle with this shit. Grateful for having a good therapist to help me thru it all. Because of my parents I was robbed of a potential singing career, a creative writing career, and a music production career. They paid for college that I didn't wanna go to, and started having thoughts of self-harm that went ignored. "I just want ONE of my kids to go to college..." said my mother. I muddled my way through with the help of my (at the time) BF. I ended up with a rushed Management degree I barely graduated with, and all of my hopes and dreams left to die. So, it's been approximately 18 years since I have written *anything*. I stopped reading fan fics, stopped creative writing in any capacity because i was told it wouldn't put food on the table, and wasn't worth the time spent. I struggle to sing in front of ppl because i am afraid of making mistakes. Imposter syndrome is cranked up to 11. BG3 has given me something to focus on, and enjoy these days. I have been in a romance-less relationship with my husband (the BF from college) for 16 yrs now, and I'm...unhappy. Romancing a fictional character has tapped into the part of my brain that is STARVING for emotional fulfillment. I got little love and affection from my parents, and my husband is not at all romantic. I do far more for him than he does for me. So, I have rediscovered fanfics and they truly give me joy. Those fanfics sparked the creativity that I used to have 18 yrs ago. I actually had the *desire* to write something again. I forgot what it felt like to take an idea and write about it. What's really sad is that a fictional character (Gale) treats me (well, my Tav) better than my own husband treats me. So, now I have something to write about. I get to imagine what it would be like if I were my Tav, and I got the romance that I wished I had. It took me playing BG3, and accidentally romancing Gale on my 1st playthrough to realize that there *are* people out there who can actually be this sweet and romantic, and I deserve better. I wish I could save scum the last 16 yrs of my life, but still have the wisdom I have today. Since I can't do that, I'll read and write the fluffy shit that I live and breathe for, and figure out how to leave my husband without a job, a car, and terrible credit. ...and it took a damn video game character to bonk me over the head, and finally realize I deserve so much more than I currently have. Thank fuck that I am in therapy.