#but if i don’t leave i can’t get my burger king. or my bubble tea. or my ramen. or my mcdonalds. or my—

[deus-ex-mona]

✨cursed thoughts✨ only

[thefanficmonster]

Never Satisfied [Teaser]

Corpse Husband x Original Female Character

Warnings: Language (possibly more?)

Collaboration between Vy & Ashens 🖤

“this criminal is stealing my fires, what the fuck?!“

Life is a rollercoaster, it always has been. One moment he feels at the top of the world and the very next he’s upside down at the bottom, wishing the ride would come to a stop as soon as possible. Things that shouldn’t be difficult, things average people would consider the norm to him were the equivalent of walking on glass, each step sending shocks of pain throughout his body, anxiety pumping his blood with adrenaline that provoked his fight or flight response. And after choosing ‘fight’ so many times, he’s more than prepared to choose ‘flight’.

But as he sits in the Walmart parking lot, he’s talking himself out of that habit of running from discomfort. He doesn’t want to battle it either, he just wants to face it and prove he’s strong enough to defeat it if he tried. Well, anxiety is laughing in his face right now, mocking him by the shaking of his hands and the tight sensation in his gut and throat. He’s here for what’s supposed to be just a quick shopping trip. Just to buy a few things! That’s all he has to do. However, he can’t bring himself to get out of his beige Subaru and walk into the store. 

I’m just hungry, right? Or maybe tired, he thought to himself.

That’s what everyone told him - that anxiety was caused by something simple to solve but hard to realize when your mind is in a frenzy. He’s planning on getting something to eat to calm his nerves. If that doesn’t work, to hell with it. He has been improvising plan B’s all his life, this wouldn’t be anything new. 

With a shaky sigh Corpse looks at his radio, switching stations until his luck smiles at him when he comes across a BONES song and turns it up just enough to not overwhelm his senses. He has been needing some kind of a distraction all day, why not gravitate to the one thing that felt real, as if sent to save him from the mess within his head. Putting the car into drive, he pulls out of the parking lot and into the nearest fast food drive thru. A plain burger with cheese so his stomach doesn’t act up, fries and an unsweetened tea. 

This will have to do.  He isn’t even hungry, and the thought of the greasy food only made his stomach churn worse but he knew he needed to eat something in hopes of it having the effects he was told it would have - magically cure his overwhelmingly hard to handle anxiety.

Once he got his food, he returned to the department store lot and parked in a far back spot. He has opened the paper bag to dig his food out, grimacing at all the grease and the smell of the cheap meal that wasted no time invading his car. He really isn’t hungry, but he hasn’t eaten all day and he’s aware of the toll the lack of food is taking on his system. He knows better than to work against himself in a moment like this when his mind is already working against him.

Chomping down on a fry, Corpse savors the salt as it hits his tongue and takes a moment to let his shoulders loosen and hang low. Something about the salt and fat seemed to make his body feel better. He tosses his head back slightly as he flicks a few stray strands of hair out of his eyes, reaching into the bag and grabbing another fry.

He’s been content with sitting in his car, eating and trying to quell the anxiety bubbling up under his ribs and in his throat. There’s a sense of peace to it and to the loneliness of it. He doesn’t mind being alone, though. That’s how he prefers to be actually. Dwelling on that thought too long has had the tendency to kill even the smallest spec of a positive energy he possessed in the past so he avoids it for his own peace of mind. The feeling of his heart thundering in his chest to nothing more than his own unconscious is being muffled by the soft rap music coming from the car speakers, him having chosen to pay attention to that instead.

Corpse is so engrossed in his attempts of maintaining this peace that he fails to notice the person approaching his car at a rapid pace. He’s left completely unbothered until one of the backseat doors is yanked open and someone is diving inside, shaking the vehicle. 

“What th-..” He shouts, startled out of the peaceful bubble he had created around himself. 

“Hey, how's it going? Sorry to interrupt your dinner. I'm just avoiding somebody, so don’t mind me!” A slightly out of breath female voice answers from the backseat. But before he could bring himself to turn around and demand this girl get out of his car, fear takes hold of him, closing his throat and drowning his words in the sea of questions and anxiety rising from deep within his chest. 

Ok, breathe. This is weird. There’s a stranger in my car, but she doesn’t appear harmful. Just breathe, stay calm. Fuck, is that a fucking cop car?! 

His shaky hand is barely capable of holding the burger as his wide eyes follow the movements of the vehicle. The patrol car in question slowly drives through each aisle of the parking lot, seemingly searching for something. Or someone. He feels himself unable to blink nor breath as the car creeps closer and closer. He has already broken into a nervous sweat, head spinning with all the possible outcomes - none of which bode well for him.

How am I gonna explain this shit?! There’s no way they’ll believe that she just dove into my car. They’ll think I’m an accomplice. I’ll go to jail. God knows if I’ll get out. I’ll die in there. Oh fuck, I’ll die in there.

He inhales sharply, trying not to hyperventilate, all his muscles tensing before a slap to his arm shook him out of it, “Could you look any more suspicious?! Fuckin’ act cool!”

He nods automatically and looks down at his lap, like he’s trying to find a napkin before taking a quick sip of his tea in attempts to look natural. The liquid promptly went down the wrong pipe, causing him to choke and go in a fit of coughs which he suppressed with his baggy hoodie sleeve. 

The cop passed by, eyeing the man in the car before making a turn to go down another row of parking spots, allowing Corpse to finally peek his gaze upwards to check if the guy was finally gone when the voice in the back seat spoke up again. “Thanks dude, you saved my ass.” 

He hadn’t noticed at first but as he turned to look behind him he saw a bare arm reaching from the back seat, dipping into the paper bag and taking one of his fries. Before he could comprehend it, the girl had climbed up over the center console as the police car pulled out of the parking lot and left. 

Only now is he able to get a real look at the woman who is a potential criminal and went into his car. She isn’t tall but not short either. She’s wearing a pair of jeans that are ripped around her knees and upper thighs and have little occult symbols drawn on them, peace signs and even an occasional tiny dinosaur - the majority, if not all, probably a DIY project of hers by the looks of it. She’s also sporting a sleeveless top with the sides cut open to show most of her waist. Under that, a black sports bra and a tattoo are visible - the tattoo extending from her back to her ribs just slightly. Her dark brown hair is pulled into a loose and rather messy hairdo, every strand going in its own direction as if she couldn’t be bothered by it. Looking down he sees the pair of black combat boots she has on. They look to be well taken care of and loved. A glint of a septum piercing attracts his attention when he notices it reflecting the ugly yellow light of the parking lot street lamps. 

She’s pretty. 

His cheeks flush a little in the darkness as he dumps the remainder of his food back into the bag, noting she was taking another one of his fries before he looked away, swallowing nervously when he feels her gaze on him. 

Before he could speak, however, she had already taken another one of his fries, leaning back in the passenger seat.

“W-why...are you in my car?” His voice showed off his confusion as well as the rising levels of his anxiety, his brow furrowed as he tries to remain cool and calm. 

“Hiding from the police...obviously.” She responds in a ‘duh’ tone as if she were pointing out something very simple and ordinary.

“Bu-...Alright...I guess. You should stop stealing my food though.” He finally mumbles, putting the paper bag into the back seat and catching a brief whiff of the perfume she has on as he turns to do so. 

He’s been alone so long, people have grown to terrify him. Public places terrify him, so it’s no surprise he stays inside for as long as he can. He hasn’t been this close to someone in months. Not since his ex left. She was just...another human being. Another one to leave. Nothing new to him. It shouldn’t have been a surprise nor a disappointment to him but he couldn’t not feel distraught over it for a while after it happened. He couldn’t help but hope she would….nevermind.

She grins - her smile a little spark of light in this lonely little world that is his life. Everyone around him always looked so damn happy. How come he never felt the happiness for himself?

He shifts back into his seat, fingers fiddling with the zipper on his black hoodie, avoiding her gaze as much as possible while still trying to take subtle glances at her. He feels uncomfortably like a teenager at that moment, stumbling his way through a conversation with a girl way too pretty to be talking to him.

“I bet you hear this all the time, but you should do like, audio books or voice acting or somethin’. You’ve got a rad voice to narrate some Steven King or Dean Koontz. Bram Stoker's Dracula would be sick, or some kind of devil or demon character.” She offers, grinning again as she steals another fry despite the bag now being in the back and shifts to reach into her back pocket, the sound of her wallet chain hitting the side of his car door echoes throughout the enclosed space of the car. She pulls out a couple dollars and slaps them onto his dashboard, “anyway, for the fries. Annnd for letting me hide in your car. Don’t go spending it all in one place.” She pushes the door of the Subaru open, winking at him and sliding one leg out. “Thanks for keepin’ the fuzz off of me, see ya Hades!” She jokes teasingly, slapping the roof of his car before closing the door and practically skipping off in the opposite direction of the one the cop went in. 

Corpse parts his lips, blinking slowly before looking at the department store and back towards the slowly shrinking figure of the girl. His head is spinning again, for different reasons now.

“What the hell just happened....?” He pauses for a lingering second before his voice turns sharp and a distressed look crosses his face, “Fuck, what did I need from the store?!”

[diabloindigo]

Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside? As a kid yes. Right now, I don’t buy cereals with prizes anymore. Do they even stuff toys in cereal these days? 

Do you get scared easy? If it’s in the anxiety induced variety, yes. 

What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little? Not sure, it could have been anything from not wanting to wear a fancy dress or dress shoes to a party or a broken toy. 

Have you ever drank milk from the carton? Despite having a working dishwasher and plenty of glasses, I “waterfall” milk and juice from the containers. 

Juice or milk? I go both ways, leaning more towards juice. Apple or orange. 

Do you ever turn off your computer properly? Once in a while. 

Do you wish you were a fish? Not really, though I kinda envy the blue Dory (Doctor Fish?) in the tank at my gynecologist’s waiting room. It likes to swim to the bottom of the tank and ride up to the top on a bubble jet. That damn fish has probably had more fun than I have in the past several months. 

Who’s your favorite super hero? Invincible (Amazon Prime). Along with Spider-Man (2002) and the Big Hero 6 movie, that character/series is a rare superhero show that makes me feel strong and vulnerable at the same time. 

Who’s your favorite super villain? Slade Wilson/ Deathstroke as seen in “Teen Titans: The Judas Contract” animated movie and the 2003-2006 “Teen Titans” cartoon series. 

Spiderman or X-men? Spider-Man. Tobey Maguire and Peter B. Parker from Into the Spiderverse. 

Movie theatre or stay at home movie night? Theaters. Alamo Drafthouse. I love ordering boozy milkshakes and finger foods.

Do you have a Blue Ray? I have one of those external drives for my Mac though I never use it. 

How about HD television? Yeah

Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money? No. 

Do you get why people get so frickin’ freaked out during football season? I do not, and living in a state with a hard-on for (American) football makes it weird when I tell people that I do not have a favorite football team/player. 

Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to? I don’t sneak him food. If I cook or order too much to eat, then I scrape a couple of cup’s worth of leftovers in his bowl. He’s probably got only a year to live so let him live it up a little. 

Are you reading a book right now? If so what? A friend gave me a copy of “The Only Good Indians” but I can't get into it so I’m reading “Full Throttle” by Joe Hill. 

What was the last book you were required to read for school? It’s been so long I can’t remember. 

O donuts or jelly filled? Whipped cream filled. I love Krispy Kreme’s whipped cream filled donuts with raspberry filled donuts as a close second. 

If I’m feeling bland then I do like crullers. 

Do you like your ice-cream in a bowl or cone? Bowl unless it’s a tasty cone. 

Marshmallows in your hot chocolate or no? I could go either way unless it’s a tiny cup of chocolate. 

Do you like cherry coke? Hell yes. I love going to Sonic for a cherry-vanilla-lime Coke or this greasy little 1950s type burger joint for their cherry cokes since they load the cups with several cherries. 

Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake? No, it tastes artificial. Like a bastard child of a soft drink that wants to pass for cherry soda. 

Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk? Snore and talk (I’m pretty stressed out).

Have you ever sleep walked? no

Are you a morning person? I am now. 

How do you wake up in the mornings? by alarm during the work week, naturally at 6-7 on vacation days. 

Do you think guyliner is hot? What is that? 

Is variety the spice of life? yeah

Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting? I like it. 

Have you ever drank after anyone? Like sharing a cup/bottle? Yeah, loads of times.  

Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well? No. 

Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after?

If we’re talking about sharing, then I will share food/drink with family and friends. If someone offers me bite-size pieces that are individually wrapped or can be torn off the main portion, I’ll eat it, but only from co-workers or acquaintances. 

Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it? No. 

Would you chew somebody else's gum? Hell no. 

Do you know anyone who’s going to die of mono because of that? No. 

Do you enjoy school? My English and psychology classes. 

Are you a teacher’s pet? no

Do you have a job? Yes. 

How did you get to and from school? Parents drove me or I walked for elementary through high school. I drove when I went to college. 

Do you have a bedtime? And if so what is it? I’m in bed between 11-12 a.m.

What time do you get up? 6 am so I can walk/exercise before the sun boils the earth in full force. 

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yeah in college. 

What’s more important? Beauty or brains? brains

Do you believe in yourself? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. 

Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little? No. Being a veterinarian or scientist were my highest ambitions as a small kid. 

How about the president? Never. 

What did you want to be when you were little? Veterinarian, scientist, cartoon character. 

Did you ever want to be a super model? no

Do you believe you’re attractive enough to be a super model? No.

Have you ever had an X-ray? Several in the past few months for pre-surgery and dental work.

What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name? Guys’: Shane, Mark, Tadashi, Austin, Cade, Trip.

Girls’: Quince, Sienna, Amy, Kit, Lizzie (Elizabeth), Raven.

Who’s your second cousin’s, grandparent’s, sister? The fuck...

Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts? No, in fact, I get annoyed when other people hear it and ask me if I farted. 

Do you have any real guns in your house? I have several. 

Do you know how to use nunchucks? No, I bought a pair at one of those Asian imports emporiums, but I donated them since I never learned to use them. They were these crappy foam padded ones with dragons printed on the handles. 

Do you know anyone who can use nunchucks? No. 

What do you want to be next Halloween? In better health and not shitting bricks about using up my paid time off to go to doctors’ appointments. 

Did you ever consider getting a job as a mall Santa? No. I’d rather be one of his elves or a reindeer. 

Are you the one responsible for taking out the garbage? Yes. Grosses me the fuck out sometimes with smelly discarded poultry trays or rotten food, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

Do you recycle? My city has the blue recycling bins, but I heard that since we’re an ass-backward community, “recyclables” and trash all go to the same place. I just place recyclables in the blue bin to help clear up space in the trash bin. Maybe I’m wrong and this city does recycle? Can’t hurt. 

When I was 11, I’d collect empty soda cans to take to the recycling guy since back in the day, they’d pay for aluminum cans. That’s how I scraped up funds for dollar movies and hot dogs. 

Are you a pyro? Yeah. I carry/collect Zippo lighters but mostly because the “click-click” is satisfying to hear since I flip the lids open and closed to relieve stress. And I burn a lot of old bills and letters with sensitive info on them. 

What was the last word/thing you wrote down? I was researching high fiber foods that are also low in carbs to make a grocery and dinner meal plan. 

Sleeping or eating? After my surgery, sleeping. 

Are you overall a positive person? I try to be realistically positive, if such a thing exists. The world will never be all sunshine and My Little Ponies, but I try to find some comfort and positivity when my world is a shit-show. Filling this survey out kinda helps. 

Do you hate hypocrites? Yeah, especially the “do as I say, not as I do” types. 

For instance, a certain family member is pushing good diet and health habits, but it aggravates the hell out of me if I see him drinking high sugar iced tea or eating ice cream. Or Door-Dashing Burger King, even if it is a Beyond Whopper with a diet Coke. 

Do you like to prank people? Yes, but I do benign pranks like leaving dirty riddles and meme drawings on their front doors. 

What was the worst prank you’ve ever done on anyone? I tried fucking with a telesolicitor but I could not stop laughing. 

Have you ever jumped on a trampoline in the ice? I don’t own a trampoline. 

Have you ever ice skated? No. I tried once after a local minor league hockey game. I got the skates on, but my ankles were bending/bowing out so I changed my mind.

Ever water skiid? No. 

Is vacuum spelled funny? Yes. 

Democrat or republican? I don’t associate formally with either party, but I hitch my pony a little to the left. 

Who’s the biggest asshole you know? My former boss circa 2013. Very unprofessional and a veritable loudmouth and a poor (shit) showman wannabe. 

Pen or pencil? Gel-ink pens. 

Should all paper have holes? nope

Speaking of holes. Swiss cheese, what’s the point of that? Fewer calories? Spinning slices in my hand like a TV cowboy spinning his revolver in the trigger guard with his finger? 

Have you ever been in a helicopter before? No. 

Own any airbrushed tshirts? Nope, not even in the nineties. 

Have you ever been suspended? No. 

Have you ever been in a fist fight? A few playground fights as a kid. 

Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say? Yes. 

Do you forgive too easily? I don’t think so. 

What are you listening to right now? The AC running. 

Have you ever seen any of MCR’s music videos? Nope. 

Are you tan? No. 

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. I have no desire to look like a Cheeto or woo skin cancer. 

Have you ever played water volley? Once at my uncle’s neighborhood swimming pool. 

Ever had a sunburn? Yes, from neglecting sunscreen re-applications or underestimating the sun. 

How about wind burn? It hurts….. Nah, I don't live in a cold enough climate for that. 

What was the first word you learned how to say? I think it was “mama.”

[hitchell-mope]

(First film. Prologue. Instead of an iPad activated by Mal, Jay is in a white void room dressed for the coronation his hands are glowing brightest gold with magic)

Jay: once upon a time, well, two decades ago. The town loony’s daughter. Married the accursed beast. Of course he wasn’t a beast when they tied the knot (his magic creates images of the story as he tells it) true loves kiss solves everything. They had no honeymoon. Instead. Adam brought the kingdoms together and became the king of the United States of Auradon. And guess what he did? (Chuckles darkly) the overly shaved bastard pooled together his resources and magic. And engaged in necromancy, bringing back all the villains (passing by a line of said villains) you know the usual suspects, crown head, dragon lady, the psychotic furrier and my father. The mad genie. (He pauses in front of Jafar’s frozen form). Along with many many others who died in their stories. The “heroes”, for want of a better word, brought them all back. Along with the sidekicks and basically anyone who didntbfir in their perfect widdle bubble. To add insult to injury. The barrier they put up around the prison prevented them leaving even though the god of the dead were among the throngs punished. Can’t get out with out the fairy godmothers wand you see. There’s also no WiFi. So the days and nights are positively tedious. So it left them with nothing to do but procreate. How did they think villains would tear their own offspring when they’ve tried to murder innocents on multiple occasions. Needless to say their absolutely shit as parents. So we try to stay away as much as we can. Form gangs. Safety in numbers. It helps when you can turn some creepy old man who’s looking at your friend inside out with a snap of your fingers. You’ll meet more of us soon. But for now (he walks up to Ben’s portrait) you get to see the oh so handsome prince fight on our behalf against his nimrod of a father to give us basic human rights. See you soon

(His body glows completely gold and he disappears in a flash of light. Ben’s portrait is zoomed in on and changes to him rushing down a hallway with Doug)

Ben: oh darn we’re late

Doug: it’s alright. It’s not like they can start the meeting without you. You did call it after all

Ben: good point. Ohhhh if this doesn’t work I swear I’m holing myself up in my room with teenage dirtbag on repeat for a week

Doug: it’ll work

Ben: oh I hope so

(They burst into the meeting room. Several adults turn to look at him. Ben looks like he might pass out)

Ben: heh hhhhhhhhi heh heh

(He falls backwards but Doug catches him)

Doug: sorry about that but it was a long walk

Belle: it’s ok Doug. There was more then enough tea.

Adam: son.

Ben: mom. Pop. Uhhhh

Leah: Benjamin will this take long. I’m sure Audrey is waiting for you

Ben: pardon.

Leah: I’ve set reservations at a What was it Aurora?

Aurora: Burger King mommie. I suggested it.

Leah: why?

Belle (every fibre of her being fighting to not roll her eyes): anyway. Ben. What is it you wanted to talk to us about.

Ben: uh. Heh heh. As you all know I’m going to be king in a few months.

Adam: and we couldn’t be prouder

Leah: Audrey is so looking forward to your coronation then there’s the cotillion and we all know what comes after.

Snow: your majesty’s. Please. Let Ben speak. The poor child looks as though he might faint. Hello Doug dear

Doug: hi aunt Snow.

Snow: carry on Ben dear

Ben (slightly less nervous now): thank you your highness. As I was saying. I’m going to be king in a few months and I needed to decide on my first proclamation. And I’ve finally thought of one-hang on. Where are mr and Mrs Dearly

Beast: who?

Snow: the ones with all the delightful doggies

Leah: mutts. They are mutts. Who need to be shot

Aurora: I’m sorry for her. She’s recently been taken ill and hasn’t been quite the same since

Belle: she broke a leg coming back from a hunting trip. That is no excuse for her god awful behaviour

Leah: whatever do you mean?

Belle: I’d tell you. But then we’d be here forever

(Ben stays standing there unsure of what to do)

Doug: I think it may be time for Ben to say his piece yes?

Belle, Aurora and Snow: yes.

Doug: thank you. Carry on Ben

Adam: why are you here.

Doug: pardon?

Leah: yes Adam. I would like to know as well. Why are you here. Whoever you are

Doug: ah ha ooh boy. I’m Doug. Ben’s future major-domo. I’ve been in his class since pre-K.

(Leah just stares blankly at him)

Doug (long suffering sigh): my father is dopey the dwarf. Diamond miner. Made Audrey’s tennis bracelet

Leah: oh yes. So why are you in a meeting meant for royalty

Ben: IWANTTOBRINGCHILDRENOVERFROMTHEISLANDOFTHELOST

(All adults are silent. The the Dearly’s burst in)

Anita: we are so sorry we’re late. BB-8 got hold of my patent leather pumps and why does it feel like death warmed up

Belle: Ben. I’m. I’m

Leah: appalled. And so is everyone else. You have have something to do with this don’t you dwarf?

Doug (under his breath): that didn’t take long

Adam: this. Really. This is your first proclamation? Of all things

Leah (damn near hysterical): why not just tax the rich!

Aladdin: oh shut up you old bitch. Go on Ben

Ben: thank you. Al

Leah: you will address the sultan by his proper title you little bollocks

Belle: ok that’s it. Get out you psychotic old biddy

(Leah gasps dramatically)

Belle: Lumiere would you please?

Lumiere: of course ma’am

(He physically drags Leah from the room)

Jasmine: I’m assuming that us being here has something to do with what children you are picking

Ben: I

Doug (not willing to let Ben take the blame if it all goes wrong): we

Ben (immensely grateful): we, thank you Doug, looked through records and dossiers and found the first four, of many, we’d like to bring over.

Belle (encouragingly): go on dear

Ben (more firmly): the children of, Jafar, Cruella De Vil, Queen Grimhilde. And Maleficent

(From the hallway Leah lets out a hysterical screech. Belle throws a stress ball at the door to shut her up. The rest remain silent)

Roger: they, they uh. Oh my god.

Adam (trying to regain control of the situation): Dearly calm down. It’s not as bad as you believe

Anita (laughing hollowly): not bad. N. Not bad. How can it not be bad. Cruella De Vil has a child!

Aurora: oh those poor dears

Snow: stepmother has a baby? I’m a sister. No. Wait. They wouldn’t be fathers.

Phillip: how old are they.

Adam: it matters not how old they are

Aladdin, Roger and Phillip: THE HELL IT DOESN’T

Phillip: TWENTY YEARS. I SLAYED THE DRAGON. YOU BROUGHT HER BACK. AND NOW WE FIND OUT SHE HAS A CHILD. Oh my god!

Snow: I feel sick.

Adam: now look what you’ve done Ben.

Aurora: Ben didn’t engage in necromancy and bring people who have hurt us back from the dead, dump them on an island that we can all see from our windows. And leave them to raise children. I for one commend him on wanting to try and do what’s right by those that we have left to squander.

Ben: thank you Aurora

Belle: when do you plan on bringing them over dear?

Ben: about that.

(Aladdin laughs. Well. Cackles is more like it)

Jasmine: today?

Ben: yes. At least. I hope so.

Anita: pardon dear?

Doug: we don’t know what their parents are like. If they are like the sultan and her husband or if they are like

Phillip (looking directly at Adam): I completely understand. It’s just

Aurora: we’re going on vacation to Malta. Right after this meeting in fact. So

Ben: no matter how much you want to meet Maleficent’s child. You can’t.

Aurora: if it helps. Audrey will be here I’m sure she’ll support you in your des... (Belle gives her a withering stare) yeah I know.

Ben: I told her last month, when I came up with the idea in fact

Phillip: and

Ben: she laughed me off. Then made me take her shopping.

Doug: if it helps Lonnie Jane fairy godmother and I are 100% behind him king Phillip

Phillip: it does actually Doug. Thank you

Ben: dad. Just hear me out. Every time I look out there over the water I feel like we abandoned them.

Adam: then close the drapes

Leah (from the hallway): hear hear

Belle: SHUDDIT

Aladdin: I for one love the idea. I look forward to meeting them.

Ben: thank you sir

Belle: when do we expect them

Ben: this afternoon. Hopefully.

Belle: and I’m assuming you’ve had this set up for a while

Doug: fairy godmother had helps us get everything ready.

Belle: that’s good. I suggest we adjourn this meeting so Ben can put the finishing touches on the task.

(Everyone leaves the room. Ben and Doug stay behind with Belle)

Ben: thanks mom

Doug: thank you your majesty

Belle: you’re welcome boys. Remember. My door is always open

(All three leave and go their separate ways. The boys head to Ben’s room where two girls are waiting)

Lonnie: well?

Ben: mom’s on board

Lonnie: and your dad?

Doug: who gives a shit what he thinks?

Lonnie: true.

Ben: thank you. All three of you. I couldn’t have done it without you all

Jane: you didn’t need me.

Ben: I did. Your my friends. I can hardly do anything without you guys

Lonnie: well there are a couple of things you need to do with our us. Exams for instance

Doug: thank god you said exams

Jane: uh oh

Ben: what?

Jane: 3...2...1...

(Another girl throws open the door and walks in like she owns the place)

Doug (aside to Jane): you have to teach me that

Jane: it’s magic. You can’t learn it. I don’t even want it.

Audrey: of course you don’t

[hizashis-quirk]

Uh hi Yamada Sensei, can I get all the 200 asks for the ask thing...?

"Alright Listener, I did the 200 asks. Minus the ones I already answered before. Thank you for the ask!"

200: My crush’s name is: I don't have a crush, to be honest199: I was born in: That's a secret, just know I was born xD198: I am really: tired197: My cellphone company is: t mobile196: My eye color is: green195: My shoe size is: 11194: My ring size is: 8193: My height is: 6'1"192: I am allergic to: nothing191: My 1st car was: a red chevy impala190: My 1st job was: pro hero189: Last book you read: The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe187: My pet: I don't have one185: My favorite shampoo is: Tresemme184: Xbox or ps3: ps3183: Piggy banks are: cool182: In my pockets: my phone, a pen, post it notes, a spare pair of earbuds, my wallet181: On my calendar: my appointments and such180: Marriage is: valid179: Spongebob can: wash dishes178: My mom: is awesome177: The last three songs I bought were? 176: Last YouTube video watched: Neffex - Life175: How many cousins do you have? 1, her name is Akari174: Do you have any siblings? No173: Are your parents divorced? No172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes171: Do you play an instrument? Yes, guitar

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight:168: Luck: no165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: no163: Hell: no162: God: no161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: yes159: Ghosts: yes158: Gay Marriage: yes157: War: no156: Orbs: no155: Magic: no

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: phone151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired150: Blondes or Brunettes: blondes149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heels: High heels138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Buried or cremated: Buried134: Singing or Dancing: Singing133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Taylor hicks131: Small town or Big city: big city130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: West coast126: Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthday125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: yankees

[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Don't care for it121: George Bush:I could care less tbh120: Gay Marriage: I support it!119: The presidential election: it's important118: Abortion: Pro choice117: MySpace: ...is myspace even a thing anymore?116: Reality TV: it's okay115: Parents: they're cool114: Back stabbers: they're not cool113: Ebay: Ebay is where I live112: Facebook: Eh, dont care for it111: Work: I love it!109: Gas Prices: I'm fine with it108: Designer Clothes: They're too expensive107: College: Very important but very expensive106: Sports: I don't really follow sports105: My family: I love my family!104: The future: I look forward to it!

[ Last time I ]102: Last time you ate: This morning around 10am101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh...I can't remember tbh100: Cried in front of someone: it's been a long time99: Went to a movie theater: a couple weeks ago98: Took a vacation: never97: Swam in a pool: been quite a few months96: Changed a diaper: YEARS95: Got my nails done: a couple years94: Went to a wedding: A LONG TIME92: Got a piercing: a month ago91: Broke the law: a couple years ago. Got a ticket for speeding.90: Texted: about 5 minutes ago

[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Aizawa88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bed87: The last movie I saw: Captain Marvel85: The thing im not looking forward to: waking up early84: People call me: Mic or Hiza or Hizashi or Yamada83: The most difficult thing to do is:82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: YES81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Aizawa79: First time you had a crush: Never had one77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Today76: Right now I am talking to: Aizawa75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I am grown xD74: I have/will get a job: I have three jobs73: Tomorrow: I will work72: Today: I am working71: Next Summer: I will work70: Next Weekend: I will work69: I have these pets: I don't have any pets68: The worst sound in the world: nails on a chalkboard67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Nobody66: People that make you happy: All of my listeners, my coworkers65: Last time I cried: it's been a long time64: My friends are: awesome, amazing, wonderful63: My computer is: Razer Tomahawk elite 62: My School: is awesome61: My Car: is really nice and I wouldn't trade it for the world60: I lose all respect for people who: hurt others59: The movie I cried at was: Infinity war58: Your hair color is: blonde57: TV shows you watch: Supernatural, cake boss, the great english bake off, hell's kitchen56: Favorite web site: youtube55: Your dream vacation: a beach vacation in the bahamas54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when my nose got broken by Panda xD53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare52: My room is: comfortable51: My favorite celebrity is: don't have one50: Where would you like to be: a coffee shop49: Do you want children: maybe48: Ever been in love: no45: One thing that makes you feel great is: a hot cup of coffee during the night44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Aizawa43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: yes41: Have you pre-named your children: no 40: Last person I got mad at: myself39: I would like to move to: the united states38: I wish I was a professional: i honestly don't know

[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Reese's36: Vehicle: Don't have one35: President: Don't have one34: State visited: California33: Cellphone provider: T mobile32: Athlete: Don't have one31: Actor: Don't have one30: Actress: Don't have one29: Singer: Neffex28: Band: Skrillex27: Clothing store: Hot Topic26: Grocery store: Target25: TV show: Supernatural24: Movie: White Christmas23: Website: Youtube22: Animal: Parakeet21: Theme park: Disney20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: Soccer18: Sport to play: Fencing17: Magazine: Times16: Book: The Fire Within15: Day of the week: Friday14: Beach: don't have one13: Concert attended: Lady gaga12: Thing to cook: eggs11: Food: Chinese food10: Restaurant: That bubble tea place. They got a cafe too.8: Yankee candle scent: pink sands1: Did you answer all these truthfully? As truthfully as I could

[estellaira]

Scarlet

A/N:- Okay so this is actually based on the soulmate AU prompt of how people can't see the color of their soulmate’s hair until they actually touch their soulmate. In celebration for Jellal finally being pardoned for his sins. I hope you guys enjoy ^_^

Jellal had often heard about the color ‘red’ from his friends, with Natsu often saying that it was his favorite.

However Jellal had never seen the color with his own eyes. 

The warm liquid he felt whenever he received an injury while playing soccer with his friends.Gajeel’s eyes. The various shirts Natsu tended to wear, they were all the same dull shade of grey.

He wondered what the color actually looked like, and when the day would come when he would get to see it. To see them. The person who fate had decided would be by his side for life.

It was rather frustrating actually, to know absolutely nothing about the person who was considered as your other half except what the color of their hair was. Though he was glad he wasn't alone in this struggle.

Natsu for example was unable to see the color yellow, though he said it would definitely become one of his favorite color when he would actually see it. Gray and Gajeel both on the other hand were unable to see the color blue. 

Jellal sighed in exasperation as he watched his teammates arguing about where they would go for lunch while they waited for the girl's team to finish their training.

“Look, I'm telling you that place has the best barbecue in the entire town!” Natsu yelled as glared at Gray, pointing in the direction of a shop across the road.

“"Who in there right mind eat’s barbecue every single day?” Gray questioned just as hotly as he pointed at a small stand in the other direction “"Everybody knows that you eat something cold when it's this hot out! Well, anyone with a brain that is.”

“"What did you just say you ice-freak?”

“What? Are you that stupid that you can't even understand words you pyro?”

“"You're both wrong, the best place is definitely that punk cafe we passed a couple of blocks back.” Gajeel stated, a challenging look on his face. “"You shut up Iron head!” Both Natsu and Gray yelled in unison.

The constant yelling started to draw attention and people began to stop and stare at the bickering men. “"Instead of arguing and causing a ruckus, maybe we should decide it a more prudent way. One in which a police officer won't come to intervene.” Jellal reasoned calmly, remembering the last time their argument had gone a little out of hand.

“Jelly-bean’s got a point there.” Gajeel said, ignoring the annoyed look Jellal gave at the unwanted nickname. “Yeah, we need to settle this argument like men.” Gray said crossing his arms against his chest.

Natsu nodded in understanding “With a game of rock, paper, scissors.” he stated which resulted in the group winding up for the game.

Jellal looked at his hand in surprise as the others grumbled at their loss, “Knew I should have picked rock.” Natsu mumbled. “Well atleast it won't be barbecue.” Gray said scratching his neck.

“"So where are we headed?” Gajeel asked. Jellal took out his phone and went straight to Google Maps. “Hmmmm, apparently there's a good cafe a few blocks down.” he said shoving the device back in his sports bag as the group began walking.

“"Yeah? What's it called?” Gray asked, “ ‘Fairy Tail’ if I'm not mistaken.” Jellal answered. Natsu looked at the sky in thought “"I feel like I heard that name somewhere before.” he said. He pondered for a while before he turned to Gray “Could you remember for me?” 

“"How the hell am I suppose to remember something for you?” Gray yelled and Jellal chuckled at the exchange. “Oh wait I remember now!” the pink haired said  “"Didn't Mira say something about how she was working there as a part time job?” 

Gray scratched his chin “"I think I remember something like that.” 

The group stopped in front a large, two story building. A wooden sign with the words “Fairy Tail” carved into it, along with intricate floral designs. Jellal slowly pushed opened the glass door. The chime of the bell above the door was almost drowned out by the sound of laughter and chattering. “"Now this is my kind of place.” Natsu grinned as he looked around.

The group walked in and found an open bench. The moment the sat down they were greeted by a white haired woman. “Welcome to Fairy Tail, what would you all- Oh my.” the woman smiled as she she looked at the group “"Well what brings you bunch here? Didn't you have training today?” 

Natsu pouted at the question “Porlyusica said that the girl's needed another hour of training, and Gramps was too much of a chicken to question her.” 

Mira chuckled at the remark “That does sound like him.” she mused as she took out a pen and a pad of paper “"So what can I get you boys?” 

“Iced coffee for me.”

“"Give me this, super king burger, Make it flamin hot!”

“Guess I'll take some fries.”

“"I'll have some tea please.” Jellal said as he put down the menu, Natsu snorted “"Tea? You sound like an old man like that Jellal.” “"I'd rather have that than drink a bottle of tobasco sauce, thank you.” Jellal said as he got up. 

“Not my fault that nobody else can handle the burn.” “Where you going Jellal?” Gray asked, giving him a face that looked like ‘please, don't leave me alone with these idiots’.

“"I need to tell Mystogan that I'll be running a little late.” Jellal said as he made his way to a secluded corner of the shop.

Pressing the phone against his ear, he leaned against the wooden wall. Closing his eyes, he waited for his twin to pick up.

“Hello, youve reached Mystogan. I'm currently in the middle of a council meeting and am unable to reach my phone. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.”

“"Of course you're busy.” Jellal mused as he waited for the beep, “Hey Mystogan, its me Jellal. My soccer practice is going to run later than I thought, so I need you to pick up Meredy from Ultears place.” 

As he placed the phone back in his pocket he made his way back to the table. He turned a corner when he felt someone collide with him, causing him to fall back on the ground.

Rubbing his chest where he was hit, he slowly looked up at the person. A girl around his age, who was rubbing her forehead. “"My apologies, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.” the girl apologized as she looked at him.

“No, it wasn't your fault. I should have paid attention as well.” he apologized as he stared at the girl. Her hair was the same dull gray he had grown accustomed to over the years.

His brows knitted together in confusion as a strange feeling began to bubble in his chest. A small warmth began to spread, moving upwards. The girl also raised a hand and placed it over her chest as her eyes began to grow wider.

Slowly the strange warmth made his way to his eyes. The moment it did his eyes widened as he looked at the girl's hair. The roots of her hair began to take on color. A color he had never seen before.

The rich color began to spread, making its way downwards, slowly. Almost like a moving stream, until all of the grey color her hair had been replaced.

Red. He finally saw it.

The duo stared at each other for the longest time. “I... I see it.” the girl whispered, breaking him out of his trance. “"You're hair, it has color. I can se it.” A small smile crossed his face at the girl's tranced look. “So can I.” he said softly, enough for the girl to hear him. He reached out his hand and took a lock of her hair. “"It's beautiful.”

The girl blushed at the comment, looking away and trying to find a remark. Jellal  slowly got up and extended his hand to the girl. “I'm Jellal, Jellal Fernandez.” The girl looked at his hand and smiled as she pulled herself up.

“"I'm Erza. Erza Scarlet.” she tilted her head slightly, “and I think I've found my favorite color.” 

Jellal laughed, “"So have I.” he agreed  “Well then soulmate, would you care for some cake?”

“"I'd be honored.”

[american-in-abidjan]

Restaurant Recommendations

Norima American Deux Plateaux Norima is a quintessential expat hang out that serves up burgers, fries, and fajitas. The friendly English speaking staff is very attentive. Normally for lunch there aren’t many patrons, but come around the dinner rush and you’ll be joined with a ton of international patrons! At night they also have a DJ who plays some music for the restaurant. This place is popular enough that, at the time of writing, they are in the process of expanding! Norima is an easy place to escape when you’ve had enough of the poulet braisé. They also have a fairly extensive drink menu! Price: 5000 – 7000 FCFA without drinks What to get: Anything off the burger menu, wings What to skip: The tacos, salads Bushman Café Ivorian/French Riviéra 3 When you’re going out with your American friends in Abidjan, Bushman Café is the go-to for a fun open-air dinner. Converted from an old hotel, this restaurant has been revamped and decked out with local flare, even selling some of the artwork on display. Enjoy the night time breeze while you wait for your food to be prepared in the exposed kitchen. This place is incredibly accommodating for vegetarians and offers your usual verity of Ivorian classics. Bushman Café takes it up a notch, providing fast (a relative term here) service and expert presentation. Admittedly the beer and wine selection here is slim, but that shouldn’t deter you from enjoying a bottle or two. A favourite among the expat community, you’ll be sure to bump into the international community on a Friday night out! Price: 5000 – 7000 FCFA without drinks What to get: Poisson braise, brochettes Au Bord Du Lac du Tiberade Ivorian Village Abata This is where the locals come to sit lagoon side and enjoy the breeze over a classic meal. Private bungalows sit right on top of the water furnished with tables, chairs, and couches. Though this place is about 30 minutes from the centre of Abidjan, it is slowly becoming known amongst the tourists. Hopefully this destination for the true Abidjanais doesn’t lose its charm as it becomes more well-known… and hopefully they keep their prices low! Expect deep bowls of attiéké and aloko to accompany the large plate of chicken or fish you settle on. But be prepared to spend the entire afternoon or evening here. With slow service and made to order food, you will have a while to enjoy a conversation and long meal out on the water. Price: 3000-6000 FCFA What to get: Poulet braise, attiéké, aloko La Pagode Vietnamise Marcory/Zone 4 Recognized by many as one of, if not the, best restaurant in Abidjan, La Pagode offers amazing food with exceptional service. A relatively large space and plenty of tables are filled on weekend nights. This is a fantastic place to treat yourself to a nice, upper-scale night out. This place offers a wide variety of Vietnamese and Asian food. The group that I went with had a ritual of starting with the plat royal that comes as a platter of various little appetizers. Then followed up with rice and generous plates of meat. Price: 8000-10000 FCFA What to get: Porc caramel, riz cantonais, boeuf citronelle, poulet au bamboo, plat royal, jus de gingimbre Kool Zone Dessert Marcory/Zone 4 Teleportation truly does exist as this frozen yogurt shop seems to have fallen through a worm hole that connects Hollywood to downtown Abidjan. The owner is a Lebanese, born in Abidjan, then a resident in Los Angeles for 20+ years. After visiting his family in Abidjan after his time in America, he got the idea to bring frozen yogurt, boba (bubble tea), and Thai ice cream to the Côte d’Ivoire. As an American from LA walking into this place, I legitimately thought I had hit my head and was having a hallucination. He’s imported all of his machines, blenders, flavorings, and materials from the US to make it a truly authentic experience. Though admittedly he said it’s been a bit of a challenge to take on a campaign to introduce frozen yogurt to Abidjan, he’s had sure success (even besting a competitor who tried to copy his idea). He’s bringing the newest American dessert trends to Abidjan. We sat on chairs with a fun modern design as we drank green milk tea boba, and cups of red velvet and caramel frozen yogurt. The staff is incredibly attentive and focused, the owner has personally trained his staff members to give American-grade service. I can’t say enough nice things about this guy and this place, it’s a true gem in Marcory. Price: 2000-5000 What to get: Boba (they have every flavor you’d find in a boba bar back in LA), frozen yogurt, and Thai ice-cream. Restaurant Le Paon African Riviéra 4 Welcome to the best restaurant in Abidjan. The combination of a romantic atmosphere, mouthwatering food, and impeccable service. Tucked behind a local car wash, walk over the red carpeted bridge and into an oasis. Outside seating in your own private cabana that can easily seat six that comes with a fan and a TV. Your server will leave you will a calling button so you can get his attention without leaving your seat. The menu is extensive but not overwhelming, offering a wide arrange of meat dishes (chicken, fish, steak, and rabbit) and a multitude of sides. While you wait for your food, which won’t be long, listen to the live music that plays nightly and enjoy the ambiance. The food is by far the best I’ve had in Abidjan. We ordered the poulet au gingimbre, a huge plates of chicken bathed in a creamy ginger sauce that is incredibly tasty. I mixed the sauce in with my side orders of rice, aloco, and green beans because it was so good! Everything was done to perfection, even the aloco which they do in the oven to avoid making it too oily. With that main plate and three sides, my friend and I were truly stuffed. The owner is an incredibly kind French woman from Normandy. She made sure to come around and check on us multiple times to make sure everything was to our liking. We established a bit of a rapport with her and she told us how much she loves Americans (her parents are American and growing up a short car ride from Omaha Beach instilled a great respect for the US). And she loves California! She’s truly a great host and has made the top spot to go to in Abidjan. On Friday and Saturday nights there is a large open barbeque of South African meats that is also very popular. As we were there on a Wednesday night it was more quiet, but that didn’t take away from the experience. Price: 6500 – 10000 What to get: poulet au gingimbre, aloco, rice, green beans, any of the steaks Delhi Darbar Indian Marcory/Zone 4 Get your Indian food fix at this authentic restaurant. Run by an incredibly kind Indian family and frequented by patrons of all backgrounds, Delhi Darbar is the spot in Abidjan for Indian food. The large seating area is matched with a TV screen playing any given Bollywood film. Bollywood music plays softly in the background as the classic smells of turmeric and curry surround you. We opted to get a few dishes and share amongst us. Portions aren’t necessarily large but by the end we had a little left over that we took home. We each ordered a gravy with some rice and naan. It admittedly isn’t the best Indian food I’ve ever had, but it’s incredibly decent and middle of the road, truly hits the spot after having been in a curry drought since my arrival to Abidjan. Price: 5000 – 10000 What to get: garlic naan, biryani, onion kutcha, chicken Chana Dahl, Chana curry, palak paneer, chicken tikka masala Des Gatueax et du pain French Bakery Rivièra 3 This bakery is nicer than the local ones I was going to in Brussels. This bakery is efficient, clean, well-managed, and has the tastiest treats. A favorite amongst the teachers at the international school, designer cakes and fancy whole wheat bread sits aside fancy desserts and piles of all of your favorites. Sit for a while and get a coffee or take it on the road with you. If you’re looking for a bakery this is your spot. Price: 500 – 1000 What to get: Get your pain au chocolat and chausson au pomme with some mille feuille and a coffee to go! Restaurant Seoul Korean Rivièra Golf, near the American Embassy If you’re itching for some Korean BBQ, this is going to be the place that does it’s best to scratch it. Sadly, in 2017 the grill top tables haven’t yet made their way to Abidjan. But delicious kimchi and heaping bowls of Bibimbap sure have! Though it isn’t a large venue, the service is incredibly fast and wait staff is moderately attentive. We had a fantastic meal with large portions, perfect fopr sharing amongst the group if you wish! Note: If you have a peanut allergy like a certain American, then be sure to triple check. Some items on the menu that don’t list that they have peanuts still come with peanuts. So bring up your allergy with the waiter before you order! Price: 4000-9000 What to get: Tteok bok gi, Calamars frits, Dak gangjeong (surprise nuts), Bulgogi, Dak galbi What to skip: Chicken teriyaki Garden Lounge European, African Attoban A quite night out at an upscale restaurant that isn’t pretentious? Garden lounge is one of the top restaurants in Abidjan but also easily the most popular. Cab drivers will know exactly where to go just by mentioning the name. Sit back, relax, and draw the curtains in your own private gazeebo that is furnished with plush chairs and sofas. The food is incredibly tasty and can be enjoyed slowly over a nice conversation. Service is on the slower side, but what are you going to do? Enjoy the music and privacy as you sip on some Flag, Castel, or any of the tens of different drink options this place offers (the bar is very extensive). Price: 6000-8000 What to get: Steak, Sole de Garden Quick Burger American Rivièra 3 If you find yourself at Rivièra 3 by The International Community School of Abidjan and you need a far cry of a burger, or some food to pad your stomach before a night out, Quick Burger will be just that. Although the adjective in its name is the king of misnomers, when your food comes out it will be incredibly middle of the road. Ask for the garlic sauce (a mayo aioli, sort of), that helps add flavor. No frills, no promises made nor kept, Quick Burger is what you want out of a cheap Abidjan burger joint. Price: 3000-4000 What to get: Burgers, fries, and beer

[ifishouldvanish]

Nighthawks, Morningbirds

I’d like to thank everyone who nominated I Must Be Warmer Now for TEAs this year! Here’s a ‘missing chapter’ (or three) that covers the rest of Gold and Lacey’s first official date, picking up where chapter seven leaves off.

Chapter One

Summary: Enjoying the anonymity of being outside of Storybrooke, Gold and Lacey agree to an official dinner date before heading home. However, it isn’t long before their evening is interrupted by a man who recognizes one of them, bringing old insecurities bubbling back to the surface. Rating: M

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Read on AO3]

“C’mon. Try a bite.” Lacey insists, holding out a forkful of the infamously cheap steak she ordered. Gold had chosen a hamburger himself, not quite feeling up to the challenge. “...S’not bad, you know.”

He scowls at the bite-sized piece of meat hesitantly.

“Cooked just right… little bit of A1…” She says to tempt him.

He can't deny that it smells surprisingly like— well, exactly what a steak should smell like. The corner of his mouth tugs upwards as he decides he’ll try it after all, if for no other reason than to see her delighted reaction. Her smile widens when he opens up.

“There we go!” She chuckles, popping it into his mouth.

It's by no means the finest steak he's ever had, but it's certainly edible. He can’t help the smile that blooms across his face while he chews, and doing the two simultaneously kind of makes his cheeks hurt.

“Not half bad, right?”

He swallows. “No, not half bad. ...Maybe three-quarters.”

She responds the same way she always does to his weak, deadpan humor: Managing to pout her lips and narrow her eyes for all of one second before cracking into a smile that warms his heart.

The tiny restaurant is quiet at this hour, the majority of conversation coming from the night crew working behind the counter, rather than the small handful of guests. Surrounded by rows of dark, closed up storefronts, the Waffle House right by I-295 is a beacon of florescent light to the weary traveler, the night owl, or in their case, the spontaneous (though admittedly not very adventurous) couple. Gold feels like they're figures in a Hopper painting, the stark lighting and retro fixtures giving the place an air of timelessness. The perfect atmosphere, he thinks, for letting the hours pass by while enjoying the company of the fascinating, beautiful, and vivacious woman sitting across from him.

“How's that burger?” She asks.

He stares down at his largely neglected plate. Truth be told, he just wasn't hungry. He'd swallowed down a plate of leftovers before he left the house, but he wasn't about to let something like that keep him from taking Lacey out for dinner. He'll take any excuse to spend more time with her, because time spent with Lacey seems to be inversely proportional to time spent feeling numb and sorry for himself. Not the healthiest thing— he's aware of that much— but he’s already begun to work on making positive changes for himself. Might as well indulge for now.

“It's good.” He nods. The two nibbles he's taken out of it were, at least.

Lacey snorts. “Like hell it is. You hardly touched it.”

“M’not hungry. I ah, already ate.”

See? Honesty.

Dr Hopper would be shitting his britches if only he could see him now.

The front door knocks open and their eyes reflexively snap to see the restaurant's new guest. Gold immediately lowers his head, feeling part of himself shrivel up and die as a familiar laugh splits through the tiny restaurant.

“You gotta be fuckin’ shitting me! Gold?! Is that you?”

Gold peers up at Lacey through his eyelashes apologetically, and she arches a confused brow as the man approaches their table.

“Well, I'll be god-damned!”

Lacey glares up at their visitor and smacks her lips. “Who uh… Who the fuck are you supposed to be?”

“Oh, I'm just a friend.” He dismisses, folding his arms over his puffed-out chest. “Isn't that right?”

“Not the word I'd use, Mr King…”

“This must be the skirt you were braggin’ to us all about, huh?” Arthur teases, giving Lacey an appraising look. “...Not bad.”

Gold narrows his eyes at the man, biting his tongue. He’s aiming for intimidating, but he can already feel his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. By the way Lacey, I told my therapy group about you. But he clears his throat. Now's not the time.

“Lacey. This is Arthur King. He attends the same anger management program I do.” He explains diplomatically.

She eyes the man up and down, unimpressed. “...Can we fuckin’ help you?” She snips, dropping her silverware onto her plate.

Arthur scoffs. “Ah, I get it. A mouthy one.” He winks. “Don't like ‘em that way myself, but I guess I can see the appeal. ”

Gold clears his throat again. “Miss French and I were enjoying a meal together.” He grits through his teeth. “This… interruption is not pardoned.”

“Yeah. Get bent.” Lacey mutters, folding her arms over her chest and pursing her lips.

“I'd be insulted if I were you, sweetheart.” Arthur says, and Lacey blinks at him in disbelief. “Daddy Warbucks taking you here, of all places? But heh— I guess it's a pawnbroker’s job to know how much everyone’s sloppy seconds are worth— isn't that right, Gold?”

Gold clenches his fist and takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Please. Leave—”

“I’m not your sweetheart, and he's not a pawnbroker.” Lacey cuts in, holding her steak knife up threateningly. “He's an antiquities dealer, you're a prick, and I'm about this close to shoving my foot up your ass.”

“Oh ho ho!” Arthur chuckles, “The cat’s got claws.”

“You’re damn right I do,” Lacey grits through her teeth. “Keep it up and I’ll use ‘em to gauge your fuckin’ eyes out.”

“Gold, you might wanna put a leash on this one.”

“That’s it.” Lacey grunts and stabs the knife through her steak, beginning to scoot out of the booth. “He’s getting a foot up his ass.”

“Lacey— please.” Gold says softly, placing a hand over hers.

“What?!” She snaps. “He fuckin’ deserves it!”

He looks into her eyes and he's pained to see them filled not with anger, but with hurt.

Arthur laughs. “You just gonna sit there and let the slag—”

“You know, Mr King—” Gold begins firmly, smacking his lips and letting out a small chuckle. “I'm sure you're fine with bullshitting your way through life, never worrying about the consequences of your actions, never stopping to think whether or not anyone gives half of a shite about what you have to say—” His brogue is thick, and a sadistic little smirk tugs his lips. “But you and I… we're very different people. Because while you insist on cocking one thing up after another for what appears to be no reason other than that you can — I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.” He lifts up his cane and smiles impishly at the gold handle.

“You make me angry on a good day, Mr King. But now you seem to think that Miss French here deserves to listen to the shite that rolls incessantly from your tongue simply because she dares to keep my company. The point is, I would love to take this cane and use it to beat the ever-loving shite out of you right now— just like I did my beloved Gallé china cabinet— but I'm not gonna do that because it's not in my best interest. You see— I have goals that involve getting my son back, and an assault and battery charge would be a rather devastating setback to that end. ...Quite frankly Mr King, you're just not worth it.”

Arthur gapes back at him, stunned into silence. No doubt he ever expected the timid and soft-spoken Mr Gold from his anger management group to have such a razor-sharp tongue.

“Now, I'll ask you again to please leave Miss French and I alone to enjoy our meal in peace.”

Arthur finally manages to shut his mouth, the gears in his mind visibly turning. “...Service here sucks anyway.” He says petulantly, his high-pitched voice sounding small and weak against the heavy silence in the restaurant. He lingers for a moment, satisfied grins slowly spreading across Lacey and Gold’s faces until he spins on his heels and stomps out the way he came.

“That—” Lacey grins, “was pretty badass.”

He feels his cheeks warm and smiles shyly. “I— well… he was being terribly rude to you.”

Lacey’s cheeks flush to a beautiful shade of pink and she suddenly glances away. She rubs a hand over her face and sniffles a little. “Sorry I— I gotta use the loo.” She mumbles quickly, scooting out of her seat. “I'll be right back.”

He knits his brows together as he watches her scurry away, visibly upset. “T-take as much time as you need.” He calls after her in a voice hardly above a whisper.

*****

 Relief washes over Lacey when she finds the women’s restroom is unoccupied. She sidles in and locks the door, taking a deep breath.

She feels like an idiot.

Why is he so good to her?

She can already feel herself starting to  fall  for him and fuck if that isn’t a terrifying thought.

Lacey glares at her reflection in the mirror and sighs. “You need to slow the hell down right now.” She mutters to herself.

He looked terrified when that man walked in. He was a nervous wreck around her not but a few hours ago. Yet he defended her?

Gerard never did that.

His friends would come by the apartment and he’d make her feel stupid in front of them. They’d get buzzed and call her names, make lewd comments, and he’d just let them. Join in, even. She’d be on the verge of tears and he’d tell her to relax and learn to take a joke. She learned eventually that no one was going to protect her— that she needs to stand up for herself.

But after one evening together, Gold already refused to let anyone talk down to her. Demanded they treat her with respect. Her chest aches at the notion that maybe she’s already become special to him. But she crushes that silly thought as quickly as it came. It’s nothing, she reminds herself. It’s a shred of basic human decency that everyone but her seems to be worthy of, and he just doesn’t see it yet. He doesn't see her yet.

She splashes some cool water from the tap over her weary eyes and dabs it dry with a paper towel. When she steps back out to return to the table, he flashes her a relieved smile.

“Everything alright?” He asks.

She doesn't answer, nor does she sit down. Everything is not alright, but he seems to understand and gives her an apologetic look.

“I'm… not hungry. Anymore, either.” She says weakly, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Of course. I'll just—” he pins the check under his fingers and reads the total. He promptly drops a handful of bills onto the table and scoots out of the booth. “To the car, then.”

Please consider voting for ‘I Must Be Warmer Now’ for the Best Rumbelle Secret Santa and Best Lacey categories! Voting starts on January 29th, 2017 and ends on February 4th, 2017 11:59 PM (CST)

[mysideblogofsurveys]

Survey 15.

Have you ever lived in a mobile home?: No

Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement?: Yes! My brother and I switched our rooms around a lot as kids and the basement room was my favorite lol

Do you think it would be cool to have a lion as a pet?: No..

How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food?: Zero.  We had Burger King like...maybe 3 weeks ago?

In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet?: Slippers!  My mother-in-law made me these cute ones that I wear all the time :)

Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets?: Outside...since they go to the bathroom outside and need to go on walks..I’m definitely more of a cat (inside) person.

Do you read books for pleasure?: Yes, I do.  I spend my 30 min lunch break reading.

What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house?: I guess my bed? Its comfortable but I don’t like hanging out in bed, I prefer to sit on the couch even though ours is broken (we’re too lazy to throw it out and get a new one but we’ll definitely not be bringing it with us when we move)

Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent?: Ahh..no.

Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks?: Usually uncarbonated.  I only like carbonated pop (but I don’t drink it often)

Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky?: I can’t really see the sky right now.

Would you like it if they sold disposable undies in a pop up box?: Ahh..no? Thats kind of weird

French fries. Yay or Nay?: Huge Yay!  I love fries.  My husband made Sweet Potato Fries for Independence Day and they were so good!

Wood floors or carpet?: Both

Would you rather eat at the table or in your room?: Table

A teacher says she’s noticed you’ve looked sad, do you confide in her?: It depends but probably not.  I haven’t had a teacher in years.

Would you rather have a gooey cinnamon bun or awesome cheesy pizza?: Omg both sound delicious.

Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying?: I love hearing the birds sing!

You fill your best friend’s Xmas stocking, what do you put in it?: I don’t have a best friend.

You fill your OWN stocking, what do you put in it?: Video games :) or video game/anime merch

If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it?: I would love to have a kitten!  Unfortunately, I’d have to give them away because my husband is allergic :(

What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day?: Playing a video game or studying a language (I’ve been studying Japanese and German but I keep going back and forth on which one I wanna dedicate time to, so it holds me back.  I need to just pick one and go with it!)

Favorite type of cracker: I don’t have a favorite one. I’ll eat any of them.

Banana sandwich..yum or yuck?: Ooh, I love banana and peanut butter sandwiches!  Only if I’m able to eat it right away though because they get soggy

Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Insects.  Like spiders.  If they’re safe in their web, I’ll leave them alone and check on them sometimes but if they’re wandering around, i’ll make my husband deal with it.

Bagels or English Muffins?: English muffins

Do you like or hate to buy new shoes?: I like having new shoes but my feet are small (like 5 or 5.5) and those are really hard to find. 6′s are just a little too big so I can’t really wear those :/

Do you keep your phone on you at all times or forget it a lot: Its always on me but I’ve been wanting to distance myself from it.  I’m on it too much.

Is there a turntable and vinyl records in your house?: No but my brother wanted to be a DJ growing up so he did have turntables at one point (but obviously, this was when we lived with my parents)

Do you enjoy doing things outdoors?: It depends on what it is and how the weather is (it gets too hot here sometimes)

Do you like to daydream about sex?: haha well....I”m only human ;)

Which of your parents do you laugh more with?: My mom only because I talk with her more

Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral?: Yes, I have. My band teacher in highschool (she died after giving birth) and my Grandpa.

Who mows the lawn at your house?: The maintenance people, I live in an apartment

Where do you keep your phone at night?: Its on the floor

Do you feel comfortable asking your parents or grandparents for money?: No.  I mean, they’d help if I needed it but I make enough money to live on my own.

What’s the last thing you lost?: I’m not sure

After a date, do you call your friend to tell them how it went?: I might have when I was younger

Upcoming event you are dreading?: Having to tell my job that we’re moving ><.  Since a lot of my co-workers are still working from home, I’m hoping they’ll allow me to work remote from the other side of the state (and I don’t mind driving in once or twice a week, although it is a 3 hour drive) but I doubt they’d let me do it so I’ll probably have to quit :/

Do you do more surveys during the day or night?: Morning.  I like to do it before I get ready for work.

Smoothies? Bubble tea? Fancy coffee? None of the above?: Smoothies I guess.  I don’t drink them often.

Five things you need to throw out: I have a lot I need to throw out >< We moved a little over a year ago and most of our stuff is still in boxes (I don’t want to completely unpack until I know we’ll be settled for a long time. I hate packing).  I told myself that anything that is still in a box after a month after moving (that we obviously didn’t need), I’d toss it BUT that never happened.

Do you like the toilet paper your family uses?: Yeah, I buy it lol