#but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

[callsigndragon]

The Christmas Date | Chapter 5: 'tis the damned season

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Fem!Kerner!Reader

(Ron Kerner is Slider, Iceman’s backseater)

Wordcount: 3.9k (i had to stop writing bc it kept getting longer and longer)

Summary: Y/n “Athena” Kerner and Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw hate each other. Everybody knows. What happens when they have to fake date for a whole week to avoid Iceman and Slider’s matchmaking plans?

(there won't be smut in this series)

Warnings: prOtectIVE ROOSTER, mentions of having babies, mentions of food, drinks, alcohol, Solo being a fucking asshole and a creep, angry rooster, ROOSTER'S POV AT THE END. (i've probably missed something but please, do tell me and i'll add it to the warnings)

A/N: okay so this is literally turning in something i'm sure nobody expected, but that's why i love it so much. Tell me your opinions about this chapter!

Taglist:@ducks118 @milestellerwife @craftymoonchaos @littlebadariell @xoxabs88xox @alexxavicry @tayrae515 @shrimping-for-all @mak-32 @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @harper1666 @purplevortexx @abaker74 @ssprayberrythings @melllinaa @loveless-simp @k-k0129 @mygyn @castle-bookworms-world @chaoticversion @one-sweet-gubler @loveforaugust

(If you want to be added, write in the comments!)

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You are woken up the next morning by a loud, incessant knocking. You open your eyes, blinking a few times before searching for the tiny, red clock on your bedside table. It’s too early for someone to be that energetic. 

“Aunt Thena, Uncle Roos, it’s time to wake up!” Jesse calls you two. 

Looking at the white door, you try to remember if either Rooster or you locked it the night before. The only thing you can recall is being very worried about Rooster’s words and the meaning behind them. 

"Shit," you murmur under your breath, taking one pillow to throw to the man lying on the floor, who is completely unaware of his nephew's plans. “Rooster, get up!” you yell quietly after the pillow hits his face, so only the two of you can hear. 

“Thena, shut up. Let me sleep.” He turns to the other side, and in the meantime, you grab another pillow, preparing to throw it at him, but you don’t get that opportunity. Rooster’s brain registered the sound, causing him to get up from the floor. He throws the blankets he's been using as an improvised mattress over the comforter, and the pillow collides with your face. "Next time, don't throw the pillow,” he complains, “Move over!" 

"I'm already on my side of the bed?" 

"As if I would let my girlfriend sleep on the side closest to the door." He grumbles, grabbing you by the waist and moving you to the other side of the bed, which is near the window.He moves to the side of the bed where you have been sleeping these last two days and lies down.  

Jesse pushes the door open. He’s giggling and quickly making a beeline towards your bed. 

"Good morning, Jesse," says the older man, his voice low and husky as he has just awoken. 

"Why are you sleeping in the same bed?" your nephew questions. 

You look at Rooster, his worried eyes moving to yours in an instant. He doesn't want to lie to Jesse. You don't want either, but it's important that everybody believes that this relationship is real. 

"Uncle Roos and Aunt Thena are dating, peanut" 

"Ohhh, she's your girlfriend?" inquires the kid. 

"Yes, buddy. Thena is my girlfriend" 

"Kiss her!" 

"What?" Rooster deadpans. You just sit there, looking at the exchange between the two of them. 

"Kiss her," Jesse insists. "I wanna see you kiss" 

"C'mon, pal, we've got to go down and have breakfast." Bradley leaves the kid on the bed, looking at you. “We told Sarah we were doing pancakes this morning”

“Oh, it's true. And then we’re gonna decorate the tree!” you say, clapping your hands. There’s something blissful about being around the tree with the family, Jesse singing carols with Sarah, Iceman, and Mav arguing to see where the F-14 models should be hung... Just a normal Christmas. 

“But can I see you kiss? Please” you look at your fake boyfriend, knowing that there is no way you can get out of this situation without kissing him. 

"C'mere" you say, moving closer to Rooster and whispering low enough for him to hear. "Just a quick peck, it won't kill you" 

He nods, leaning down to press his lips softly against yours. It's not a proper kiss. It feels like a tender peck between toddlers. But there's a warm feeling inside you, something you cannot quite understand, that makes you want to smile when you pull away. But the smile never reaches your mouth because of what you see in front of you. 

Rooster's eyes are closed. 

Closed. 

Who closes his eyes for a peck? 

Does he think you're so ugly that he has to close his eyes to accept the kiss? 

Jesse's clapping hands snap you out of your thoughts. "I don't remember Mom and Dad kissing. Now I can remember Uncle Roos and Aunt Thena kissing" he explains, getting up from the bed and going downstairs to get ready for the pancakes. 

"We're such bad godparents..." you mutter, sitting in bed, hiding your face behind your hands. 

Rooster kneels in front of you, moving your hands away and holding them between his. "Hey, think about this. We will not be angry with each other when this ends because it's not real. It will be the same, he's not going to be in the middle. It's not like we're gonna get a divorce, okay?" 

You nod, squeezing Rooster's hand. "Thank you" 

"Now help me get those pancakes done, or I will add salt instead of sugar" 

You get up, following Rooster to the kitchen. "It wouldn't be the first time." 

Once all the pancakes have been done, you sit next to Rooster, stealing the chocolate from him. Your pancakes always have chocolate on them. 

"You have such a sweet tooth," Bradley comments, smiling a bit at the amount of chocolate on your plate. 

"And I'm proud of it," you retort, making him chuckle. This has to be the most peaceful conversation you've ever had with him. 

"I don't want to know how your kids will turn out," Sarah laughs, causing you to cough and Rooster to pat your back to relieve the coughing. 

"Kids?" he questions, his voice raising an octave. 

"It seems like a pretty serious relationship to me, you sure are thinking about the future," she continues. "How many kids are you gonna have, Y/n?"

"Mom, leave them be," Becca cuts in, trying to avoid the topic. 

"Honey, I need to know if I'm going to have more grandsons! Your brother told me yesterday that he doesn't want to be a father," Sarah says, nodding to Nick, who shakes his head, as if confirming that his future does not include children. "And you don't want to marry again, so they are my last chance!" 

"Darling, you shouldn't be asking those questions." Iceman shakes his head, pushing his plate away from him. 

"Tom, I want to be a grandma again. "I only have a grandson," she insists, you can only concentrate on the pancake in front of you. 

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, but none of them have any obligation to give you kids." Tom is getting angry; his smile dropped long ago, and he's gritting his teeth, making the jaw muscles very visible. 

"I raised them! They call me Aunt Sarah" 

"No. Terry raised Y/n, Carole raised Bradley. We just took care of them when Terry decided to leave her life behind and move to New York, and Carole... Damn, why are you making me say all of this out loud? Sarah you're acting like a child" 

There are tears in your eyes. Your mom and dad... They waited until you turned 18 to get a divorce. You couldn't blame any of them; you've seen during your childhood how the two of them became strangers living under the same roof. There were heated arguments, some crying, some yelling, and the occasional object thrown by your mom to make her point valid, and most of the time it was you who had to collect all the broken pieces of a vase or buy a new picture frame for the photo that your mom used to make Slider feel guilty. 

It was a picture of the three of you from the day you were born. 

They're not bad parents... but being around each other turned them into toxic, harmful individuals. Iceman told you once that there are some perfect couples that, once they get married, end up hating each other.

The divorce made them better parents. Your dad took more interest in your life and became more supportive. Your mom called you every week, genuinely interested in everything you were achieving by yourself. Before that, you felt like an object that they used to argue about. When they were thousands of miles apart, you felt like a person again. 

"Sarah, my daughter will do whatever she wants to do," your dad snaps, tired of the topic and how it's making you lower your head more and more. 

You're glad that your dad has your back now, even though he wasn't there in the past. He's trying to fix all the mistakes he made, and you know it. 

But some things are easy to forgive and hard to forget. 

"Thank you, dad," you try to smile, but Slider's expression indicates that he, too, is concerned about the future of this relationship. 

Rooster sighs, letting the fork fall on the plate, the sound startling all of you. "Listen, I'm gonna say this once, and only once. Whatever we decide to do with our relationship, it's our call. You don't have anything to say or comment about what we do, what we don't, or how we do it. I don't know if we're going to marry or if this is going to end in a year or tomorrow, but all you need to care about is that I love her, that I care for her, and that I will never do anything to hurt her. Thanks for the pancakes, fly girl," he says, getting up, kissing your head, and leaving the house. 

"I'll go talk to him," Mav offers, but you get up before him, excusing yourself and following him outside. 

"Roos?" 

"I'm here," he says, and you follow his voice to one of the porch benches. You sit next to him, remaining silent for a few seconds. "I'm sorry" 

"It's not your fault" 

"C'mon, Thena. You can be angry. They asked you about babies. Babies!” 

“Rooster, it’s not that big of a deal” you claim, but the truth is that it has affected you a bit. Sarah was treating you like a walking incubator for a second. As if having children was something you owed anyone. 

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

“You know, I've never...” you begin, only to be interrupted by him. 

“Don’t have to explain anything to me, or anyone else. You don’t owe anything to any of them. For fuck’s sake, if she wants a baby so bad, I’ll get her a dog” he jokes, making you smile a bit. 

“You know, the dog will probably try to jump over the fence the same day you bring it home” 

He chuckles, moving his hand to your knee and squeezing it softly. “Look at that smile, that’s my Grouchy”

You groan, punching his shoulder. “You were doing so good for a second, I almost thought you were being a normal human being for once” 

“I’m a normal human” he argues, getting up from the bench and moving to the door. 

“Last time I checked, you were a freaking chicken," you say as you walk inside, searching for Jesse. You have to decorate the tree before getting ready to see Mandy and Solo. 

When it rains, it pours.

“How the fuck do you wear a suit better than most men?” Rooster questions, opening the door of the car for you. From where you are, you can see the pub and some familiar faces here and there. 

Mandy had texted Rooster early in the afternoon, when you were finishing with all the Christmas decorations inside the house, to tell him that Solo thought going to dinner after some drinks at the pub would be a good idea. So he had made a reservation. 

You nearly choked Rooster with a Christmas garland. He never blocked Mandy's number? A complete idiot.

“It’s a natural talent,” you brag, getting out of the car and buttoning the jacket up. It’s one of Becca’s suits that she wears on special occasions. You didn’t bring clothes for a social gathering like this, and she was more than happy to lend you something. 

“You look really good. Mandy’s gonna be mad” he states, offering you his hand. He’s opted for a more mature look than the one he’s used to, with some black slacks, a black shirt, and a leather jacket. 

“Well, I'd be mad too if my ex entered the bar with a new girl and looked like that,” you say, moving your hand up and down to signal his outfit. 

"Wait, is that a compliment?” he raises an eyebrow, incredulity in his voice. 

“Treasure it, you won’t hear another one from me anytime soon” 

Rooster locks the car and grabs your hand, walking towards the pub. He stops at the door. “Is PDA an option?” 

“Make her pay, Bradshaw,” you agree, opening the door and walking inside. Rooster's hand finds its place on the small of your back, moving to your hip once you see Mandy and Solo in one of the booths. "Lord, I can see her cleavage from here," you whisper, looking at him. You're thankful they haven't seen you yet. 

"She's showing her most interesting personality traits," he mutters, making you burst out laughing. He kisses your temple. "C'mon, you're doing me a great favor here. But if Solo says something, we're leaving" 

"Rooster, I can handle it now," you try to persuade him, but he refuses. 

"First, you don't need to handle unsolicited, disgusting compliments from him. And second, it's my job to make you angry. I won't let him take that from me" 

You elbow him in the stomach. "I can always leave, you know?" 

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, his face contorted in pain. "Please, don't go"

"I never thought you were one to beg" 

"Shut up, princess" 

And it's back. That damned pet name. Why does he call you like that? It's not the name, it's how he says it. How it feels to be embedded with other feelings. Mockery. Loathe. Reproach. 

You don't deserve any of them.  

"Y/n! Bradley! Over here" yells Mandy over the crowd. She waves at you, smiling. 

"Why are they sitting on different sides of the table?" Rooster asks, waving back at Mandy.

"So he can see her boobs," you explain, knowing that that's probably the only reason. 

You walk slowly to the booth. "My only options here are letting you sit next to him or in front of him?" 

You hadn't realized that until Rooster brought it up but it's true. Did he make it on purpose? "I already want to leave," you whisper, only a few feet away from the pilot and his girlfriend. 

"I got this" he whispers back, winking at you. "Hello, guys. Sorry to make you wait, I didn't want to leave the house when I saw this precious woman dressed like this" he looks at you with shiny eyes, and it makes you wonder where he got such good acting skills. 

Just like this morning, half of the things he says are lies, but they are said with confidence and determination. No one could ever guess that he is faking it. He definitely should have pursued an acting career instead of becoming a naval aviator. 

"Oh, I get it. If my girl dressed like that, clothes wouldn't have stayed on." Solo jokes, and it makes you shiver. Rooster's hand, still on your hip, moves up under your jacket, caressing your back softly and muttering a soft 'it's okay' that only you can hear. 

"I'm sorry for liking my dress," Mandy says in a teasing tone, but you can see hurt in her eyes. You almost feel bad for her. Almost. 

Rooster sits next to Solo, and you move to the other side of the table, but his hand grips your wrist, stopping you. He looks at you with a silent plea in his eyes to trust him. 

You walk back to him, his hands moving to your middle and making you sit on his lap. It’s weird how, if it were any other person, you would have run away in an instant. And even though you hate Rooster, you know that he wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. Rooster is just trying to make Solo understand that you’re taken. And his comments are unwelcome. 

“Bradley, you can’t leave her alone for two seconds?” Mandy jokes. 

“We don’t have many chances to act like a normal couple. I want to cherish every moment I have” he simply responds, his left hand on your hip, the right one squeezing your knee. 

“That’s what happens when you date someone from your team.” Solo laughs. Man, you’re not funny. Shut up. 

“Oh no, it’s not because of that. It's just that we're always deployed, and khakis are not the best outfit to wear on a date," you explain, looking at Rooster who hasn't stopped looking at you since you sat down. 

"You look beautiful in everything, fly girl" 

Suddenly, you’re 17 again. He said those same words to you the night before prom, when your date ditched you for the popular girl. You bought a dress for yourself, without anyone’s help. You took two different part time jobs to earn enough money to buy that dress. It wasn’t a cheap one, and even though your parents would have given you the money if you asked, you wanted to do it on your own. Rooster came home that night to your house, you were in your room on the verge of tears, and when you told him what was wrong, he hit you with one of your stuffed animals. 

“Bradley, what the fuck?” 

“I don’t want to see you crying for an asshole like Tim Johnson” he stated, raising the stuffed teddy bear as a warning. 

“He's an asshole, yes. But look at me. I’m an idiot in an expensive dress,” you muttered, turning away from the mirror. 

“No. You are breathtaking. And that idiot doesn’t know what he’s missing” 

“Do you really mean it?” 

He took your hand in his and turned you around to face your reflection once more. “You look beautiful in everything, fly girl” 

You went to prom alone the next day. Your friends were there with you, and it was the most perfect night you could have ever asked for. 

“It’s the second time you say that, Roos” 

“You remember it?” he asks, a bit shocked by it. 

“Of course! It was the reason I went to prom. I felt confident in that dress” 

“Oh, you two did not go to prom together?” Mandy asks, sipping from his Cosmopolitan. 

“Well…” Rooster chuckles, a bit embarrassed. "She has no idea, but... I bought a suit and went to her house that day to take her to prom.” 

You must look like a deer in headlights, because Rooster laughs even more when he faces you. “Are you serious?” 

He nods, his cheeks turning red, and looks away from you. The intensity of your stare it’s too much for him to handle. You give him a quick peck on the cheek. “We’ll talk about that later” 

During the next thirty minutes, Mandy keeps asking questions about your relationship. She seemed more interested in learning how the two of you got together than in bragging about her own boyfriend. It’s obvious that she’s jealous. Maybe she’s seeing a side of Bradley that she didn’t know about, even though it’s all a façade. 

Solo’s eyes never leave your body, and even though there’s not an inch of your skin showing, just like when you saw him yesterday, you feel completely naked under his eyes. It makes you feel nauseous. You look at your phone, realizing that maybe it is time for the four of you to move to the restaurant, have something to eat, and go separate ways. If you are lucky enough, you won’t have to see them again. 

“Honey, look at the time! We should stop talking about us and go to the restaurant” you say, looking at your phone again. 

“Yes, please. I don’t want to know about your entire relationship.” Solo grunts, raising his arm to call the waitress. 

You glare at him, raising your eyebrows. “Are you jealous?”  

He moves his hand to your thigh, caressing it and leaning closer to you. “Of someone keeping my leftovers?"  

“The fuck did you just say?” Rooster snaps, grabbing Solo’s wrist and moving his hand away from your body. “You touch my girl again and I will fucking kill you” 

It’s the first time you’ve actually been scared of Rooster. You have no fear of him doing something to you, you know he would never hurt you. But don't expect Solo to return home tonight without getting what he deserves. 

“Didn’t she tell you about us?” he mocks, grabbing his drink. “I thought you told each other everything” 

Getting up from Rooster's lap, you grab your cup and pour the contents over his head. Mandy's loud gasp alerts everyone, and everyone turns to look for the source of the sound. There are some laughs when they realize what has happened. 

O’Malley, the bar owner, an old, amiable Irish man in his sixties, walks over to your booth to see what’s happening. “Rooster, is everything okay?” 

“This bastard is saying things about Thena” he explains, taking the empty glass away from you and leaving it at the table.

“Lad, you better get out of here” 

Solo gets up, pushing his wet hair back, and looks at you. “You’re lucky he's here” 

He leaves, not waiting for Mandy, who is completely shocked by the whole situation. Rooster takes his wallet out, ready to pay and leave, but O’Malley refuses to accept his money. You leave the bar silently, not a word leaves your lips. Rooster keeps close enough to you to grab you in case you need it, but leaves space between your bodies, so he’s not touching you. You’re glad he's so considerate. 

Rooster doesn’t know how he has managed to take you home without turning the wheel around and going after that fucking bastard. Who does he think he is, touching a girl like that? It doesn’t matter what you two had at some point in the past. You’re not an object. 

He’s scared of how silent you are. He doesn’t know if you’re scared, in shock, or planning Solo’s murder. If it’s the last one, he’s more than ready to help you. 

He watches you exit the car, your blank face never showing what is going on in your head. Rooster follows you to the house, going upstairs without greeting anyone. Becca looks at him, waiting to know why his friend was walking around the house like a lifeless corpse. But he can’t really explain because he doesn’t know exactly what’s the story between you and that bastard son of a bitch. And he knows he can’t ask you. Not now, at least. Maybe tomorrow, if you’re feeling better. But he knows that it’s better to just wait until you come to him, if you want to tell him. It’s not his place to ask, after all. He’s just your fake boyfriend. 

Wait, he’s not your boyfriend. Then why is he waiting outside the room waiting for you to change out of your clothes and put on your pj’s? He's not a moron; he understands that you need some alone time right now. It’s been a lot in just an hour. He understands your need and is meeting it right now. 

But... Why was he so enraged when Solo touched you? He knows that you could have stood by yourself. He has seen you doing that over the years to pricks in bars who thought that you were just a pretty face. You never needed help, why did he think this time was different? 

Why does he care this much about you? 

Why does he think about you all the time?

Why did he close his eyes when you kissed him this morning?

Oh.

Oh. 

Oh.

[incarnateirony]

oh that's cute patrick thinks everyone only gets info from M&Gs like him

Protip: if you use M&Gs as anything more than to supplement existing information, you're gonna end up as off kilter as Pat. Like sure I got hit by an apollo dodgeball of Misha's 2 year old M&G sent late, but at the time it meant nothing, it only had value in context of other information. That's the part Pat can't wrap his head around. Having actual information.

All M&Gs are good for is actors basically redistributing information to the semi-public yall. But it's truncated, translated by a bunch of muggles, and already generally trimmed out for spoilers. Like. Congrats they told yall and still nobody gets it lmfao

He's apparently self consoling bc apparently Jensen said some similar shit to some other shit going on right now and like. Yeah. Go figure. He eventually is going to repeat things in more public avenues. Am I speaking greek? Expecting brain surgery?

This man is such a sad sack. He still pretends he has one over me when literally his big slam dunk was me having the original ending, and him being so out of it he had to pay 5,000 to even admit it was omitted. And then the pilot script fail.

Like if this dipshit can't figure out how "knowing the original ending. the guys talking about wanting to finish what they wanted, having access to the pilot and all hiring info long before release, and where the story is heading" all fucking connect he's a more hopeless rube than I thought.

Then again, he argued and laughed about the roadhouse reunion and other missing details, then adamantly refused to admit it was omitted, then paid out the ass only to find it was omitted, to turn around and argue that he had inside Chaos Machine sources telling him my script was fake, only for filming and the trailer to hit. Oh and those big long posts he wrote about how stupid I was for saying that the entire premise of the prequel was about letting go and moving on and then that TIME TO LET GO trailer hit. He endorses anti-jensen anti-misha fuckery and refuses to accept where Jensen's at on certain topics, arguing against statements mine or his. Then in rolls Jib12. Like he can't catch a clue on the patterns here, somehow.

But hey, I'll enjoy the long year of him prematurely crowing victory again only to wipe out and, as he always does, show he's never had access to a single goddamn thing of value when it smashes his face in like a hammer again. He's kinda like Trump. There's always an embarrassing tweet

Goddamn painful that this motherfuckers' only concept of intel is friends of friends of friends that live in LA or M&Gs. Jesus christ.

No wonder the dude can't hit the broad side of a widely advertised barn. He's technically well past his three strikes but we'll let him keep trying for his feelings till he taps one.

honestly pretty sure this man would piss his pants if he knew my current employer ngl. well no, first he would have to have the scope to comprehend how many pieces of media he's seen, viewed or read of ours in the last 24 hours alone. Or sometimes unironically cites in his posts, badly. I mean thanks for the traffic man, we appreciate it, but y i k e s l o l

like do we have screeners, well at a few of our child companies yes. Do I have access, no, and I'm not gonna explain to Pat's pea brain why that's different and just not something I can snipe. Just keep pissin in the pond till you feel better dude

dipshit doesn't have enough media sense to be able to detect the time/date stamps vs drafts vs timing of release or understand that scripts get sent out abroad for agents and casting at a specific time. None of this. Zero fucking media comprehension. And that goes for every dumb motherfucker like the "pre successful actor" lolj that echoed it. Could have completely avoided looking like a self-penetrating asshole but here we are. And he's gonna just. project everyone gets their shit from M&Gs.

Though ironically this did remind me to update my twitter bio after all my layout overhauls. Had an "ex" to pull and some other specifics to add. :)

Keep thinking back to this it's so funny. thinking about pat's cm source that even argued with me. and calling them a cm source is generous at best. But it's what pat calls them. bc they're still all fandom fuckin muggles trying to put on their robe and production wizard hat. You either get it and you don't. And you, my dear, do not.

If I can argue with your "CM source" (which you fell for hookline and sinker not knowing that person's limitations), confidently, and know they are wrong, what the FUCK do YOU think you have over me, dumbfuck?

[apocalypticgargoyle]

𝙅𝙀𝘼𝙇𝙊𝙐𝙎𝙔 | 𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙡 𝙟𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙗𝙨 (18+)

∘ request(s):

Ooh maybe edgy!karl teaching skateboarding :o. I’m also in uni and I remember my first frat party was quite interesting 😂 -🦋

ahhhh part four of your edgy karl was soooo good!!! could i get jealous karl? maybe someone else is hitting on the reader at a party

please please please more edgy!karl if u can. like maybe where him and reader get into a fight because he gets like jealous and he just shows the reader who they belong to fjsjjsj thankyouuu !! 🤍🪐 x

∘ pairing: edgy!Karl Jacobs x fm!reader

∘ warnings: nsfw (18+ minors dni), smut, light bdsm, jealous, somewhat toxic behavior, crude language, frat boys (again), mentions of masterbation, biting, domination, spanking

∘ word count: ~3200

∘ links: 𐐪 ao3 𐑂 𐐪 previous part 𐑂 𐐪 submit an edgy!karl edit 𐑂

a/n: not me having to watch daddy tony hawk tutorials for this bc I'm uncultured and only skateboarded for like three months when I was 14 :)))

thank you for all the requests (especially 🦋 ily). if any of you have ideas for what I should call this series, lemme know! as always, have a great week and happy reading :)

♡ ᵍᵉⁿᵉ

The parking lot behind the campus union was barren. The morning dew in the air left a sweet smell to combine with Karl’s cologne as he walked beside you, his arm bumping yours as he listened to you nervously ramble on about one of your classes. You weren’t sure why, but the thought of falling on your ass in front of Karl terrified you more than anything. This man had degraded you and made you completely submit to him in the past, yet you were worried that not being able to master his ~craft~ would ruin his image of you. 

He dropped his skateboard, his feet settling on it lazily as he rolled beside you. You watched quietly as he stopped, kicking his foot down on the front of his board so it popped into his hand. “You won’t fall. I’ve got you,” he joshed, tugging on your hand so you were in front of him. 

He set the board down, his hands going to your hips as you stepped on it. His fingers dipped under the hem of your sweatshirt, your skin lighting up at his touch as if his hands belonged on you. “You look like an anemic Victorian boy. I don’t trust you as a safety net,” you grumbled, your hands covering his. You knew, roughly, how to skate from a middle school phase you had. Karl only promised to teach you a few tricks, but to say you were rusty would be an understatement. 

He chuckled darkly, nudging you closer to the middle of the board and peering over your shoulder to look at your stance. “I’ve fucked you without your feet touching the floor. I think I can catch you before you hit the ground, baby,” he chided, making you scoff. 

Your cheeks flushed with heat at his words. “Dirty, dirty boy,” you mumbled. He instructed you on how to kick the board up to where you needed it. His words were simple and almost plain like he knew you could figure it out. You attempted to push the board up, but crashed into Karl’s arms, your back thumping against his chest. 

He giggled slightly as he straightened you up, setting you back on the board as his foot kept it from rolling out from under you. His hands hovered over your hips again as he moved his foot, leaving you to balance on your own. “If you fall correctly, people will just think you were giving really good head,” he jested. You shoved his arms away at his words as he laughed at his own joke. 

You attempted a few more times and nearly had it down before Karl’s hands were on your hips again, giving you further instructions. You fought not to smile as his breath ghosted against your neck. You knew he cared about teaching you something that---on paper---was seemingly so easy, but his vulgar teasing was beginning to swarm your head. With his next steps set as your goal as well as the feeling of his hold on you, you kicked the board up and attempted to jump with it. While your brain was up to speed, your feet weren’t, sending the board out from beneath you and you to fall into its place. 

Karl snorted as choked back a laugh at you scrapping your hands on the concrete. “Come on, don’t be a pussy. Try again,” he chided, voice uneven and laced with whatever dark humor he was getting from watching you do this. 

You rolled your eyes playfully, letting him tug you up in front of him. As you wobbled on the board once again, you let his hands dig into your sides. Obviously, it seemed that he actually was worried about dropping you again, despite the fact that he was holding back some kind of sick laugh. “You would be great at teaching a kid how to ride a bike,” you quipped, the fact that he called you a pussy seeping into your mind. 

You gasped slightly as you slipped again, this time Karl’s arms wrapping around you tightly, pressing your body against his. “Awe, you want me to put a baby in you, pet?” He jeered with his lips near your ear. You shrugged out of his grip, breaking up your indecent thoughts at his comment. 

You could feel the heat rising to your ears as you balanced on his skateboard again. “Stop, you perv,” you deflected, hoping he couldn’t tell how hard you were having to bite back a smirk. 

After your skateboarding escapades, you sat typing away at your computer, Karl occasionally looking over his phone to peer at you. His legs were thrown lazily on either side of you as he stretched out on his pillows. 

An alarm went off on Karl’s phone, startling you in the process. He fought against smirking at your surprise as he sat up, crawling over to you. “Okay, I gave you two hours,” he stated, leaning forward to press his lips against yours and gently close your computer. The taste of him on your tongue was like a drug for you, leaving you constantly wanting more. 

You smirked into his kiss as your brain finally caught up with you. “I hope that document saved, asshole,” you groaned, pushing him back into his pillows as he chuckled at you. His fingers dragged up the length of your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his hands as you straddled him. “Fucking weirdo, timing me. Who are you, my dad?” You teased, pressing a kiss to his neck and digging your fingers into his hair. 

He moaned lowly, grinding against you. “Oh fuck yeah. Call me daddy,” he cantered. 

“No,” you answered simply. You sat up, reaching over to his top drawer in search of protection, but running your fingers over a lacy garment instead. Your brows knitted together as your gaze shot to the drawer, your underpants dangling from your finger. Karl tucked his hands behind his head, looking up at you nonchalantly as your mind flashed with memories of your time in the bathroom. 

Before you had the opportunity to ask him what he was still doing with them, his door popped open to reveal one of Karl’s roommates, his name beginning with a D but slipping your mind. “What are you guys doing in here?” He asked with a rather dopey smile, gesturing to Karl still between your legs. “Everyone’s downstairs, come on.” You and Karl shared a look as he left. 

You leaned back down to him, kissing him briefly before pressing your lips to his neck again. “Wanna come over instead?” You suggested softly, your lips ghosting over his ear. 

Karl loped down the stairs in front of you, a heavy layer of smoke hanging in the air above your heads. A mass of people crammed themselves together, finding solace in each other after the long week. If you weren’t so hung up on getting into Karl’s pants, you might have considered joining them. 

Before the two of you could reach the door, someone called out for Karl. Their voice boomed over the loudness of the music, making Karl wince slightly. His face flattened into a frown as “Todd” waved at the two of you. Karl took a few slugging steps to stand close enough to Todd’s group that they wouldn’t have to yell at each other. You settled your hand on Karl’s hip as you wrapped your hand around his waist, leaning against him. Todd’s eyes traced over you. 

He wet his lips. “You guys leaving already?” He asked, leaning back in his chair and accepting the joint offered to him. From an outsider’s perspective, he looked like the king of the castle. Luckily, you knew better. “Come on, play a game with us!” He suggested, patting the empty spot beside him. Even though you couldn’t see his face, you could tell Karl was rolling his eyes. “I got a seat warmed up for you, baby girl,” he nodded towards you. 

You perked an eyebrow in his direction and Karl slipped his hand into yours nonchalantly. “Thanks, but no,” Karl stated. 

“Come on, Karl. Don’t make me pull pin.” At Todd’s words, Karl groaned reluctantly, the sound barely audible. You furrowed your brows at him. “Fifteen minutes. We were gonna play Never Have I Ever.” 

You leaned towards Karl. “What’s pulling pin?” You mumbled. 

“Flexing rank,” he grunted back. He tugged you with him to join the group. Before you could sit down, Todd pulled you into the spot beside him. You laughed nervously, watching as Karl’s features darkened as he sat across from the two of you. Todd handed you a drink, which you took but avoided sipping out of. 

A boy beside Karl piped up. “Okay, so never have I ever graduated high school. My degree is literally fake.” The boy smiled before taking a drink, making you giggle slightly. Todd draped his arm around the back of the couch where you were sitting. He wasn’t touching you exactly but every ounce of his being was getting under Karl’s skin. 

Todd smugly shook his head. “No, Zeke. Those aren’t the rules. You have to say something that’s not true about you. Like…” he trailed off slightly, his gaze settling on you before his mouth twisted into a smirk. “Never have I ever slashed someone’s tires.” 

You humored him with a subtle smile as if to ask if he was serious. He gestured towards Karl, who took a drink. You bit back a grin. “Well, never have I ever masturbated to a girl my roommate’s sleeping with,” Karl retaliated. Your eyes grew wide, suddenly happy to watch the event unfold before you. 

Todd took a drink after glaring at Karl. He leaned closer to you, this time his arm dropped to pull you against his side. “Do you wanna take a turn?” You shook your head, flashing your eyes to Karl before looping your fingers with Todd’s. Karl chewed the inside of his cheek, looking like he was holding back another laugh. “Alright, I’ll go.” Todd brought your hand up to his lips, kissing your palm. “Ah, I know. Never have I ever betrayed the secret oath of the frat and called the police.” 

Karl took another sip, his eyes on you. “Yeah, because never have I ever set the house on fire trying to light a bong,” he answered, making you snort. 

You let your free hand settle on Todd’s knee. “Awe, I’d light your bong for you,” you chided, making Todd laugh as he took a drink. 

“I bet you could do a lot for me, Princess,” he flirted, his lips nearing your ear. You raised your eyebrows in Karl’s direction, who was sitting with his chin in his hand. His expression was darkly entertained as you flirted with Todd. “Speaking of,” Todd looked to Karl again. “Never have I ever fucked someone on my roommate’s bed,” he teased, tucking his nose in the crook of your neck. 

Karl smirked. “You’re right, you probably haven’t,” he stated simply, downing the rest of his drink. Todd tensed slightly beside you. Karl stood, ruffling the hair of one of the other Brothers that were in the group before holding his hand out for you to take. As the two of you left, you heard one of the guys whistle and say something about never having peed in a pool before. 

As the two of you left the house, you walked in time with Karl’s heavy steps, swinging your entwined hands as if you were completely oblivious. “I can’t believe I made you jealous,” you taunted. You could practically see the steam rolling off his shoulders as he opened the passenger car door for you. Before you could slip into the seat, Karl’s hand gripped the back of your neck, bringing you to press your lips roughly against his. He pinned you between him and the cool metal of the car as the taste of beer spread across your tongue. 

His fingers dug into your hips, his other hand tightening around your throat. The coolness of his tongue ring was a welcomed sensation as you attempted to find friction against his hips. Your fingers moved to close around his wrist as he pulled away, leaving you gasping for air. His face was expressionless as his gaze danced from your lips to your eyes. “I’m going to fuckin’ ruin you for the way you acted,” he ribbed, stepping away from you. 

You nearly slid down the side of the car at his words. “Okay,” you whispered, heat rising to your cheeks and ultimately to your core. 

Karl’s calm exterior followed you until you finally got your apartment door open. Karl pinned you against the wood of your bedroom door, reaching to twist the lock as his lips began to commandeer your own. His hands dragged up your thighs beneath your skirt, squeezing at the flesh roughly. He yanked your shirt off, grinding his hips up and against yours as his teeth moved to nip at the skin of your neck before returning to badger your lips. 

The taste of beer on his lips blended with your flavored chapstick as your tongue slipped into his mouth. In a mess of tugging and biting each other, your body melted into his rough grasp. You wanted whatever repercussions his twisted mind could come up with. You wanted him to do whatever he wanted to you. You fought against diving your hands into his jeans to beg him to continue, but he broke away from you as you fought to catch your breath. 

Your lips were buzzing as the feeling of him still lingered. He brought his hand up to your jaw, tipping your chin up to him. “Fucking slut,” the devil’s grin painted across his face before he continued, pressing his lips against yours once more, his grin dragging your bottom lip between his teeth. “You act like I don’t fucking own you,” he nearly growled, his face hovering over yours as his hand squeezed your throat. You moaned quietly as he regulated your breathing with his hand. You wanted to drink in his dark, commanding appearance. 

He pushed you back on the bed, making you instinctively crawl up towards the pillows. He smirked slightly, undoing his belt and slipping it into his hands. He put the garment on your bedside table. After tugging his shirt off, he was on top of you again, pushing you into the pillows and the fluffy comforter. Karl’s lips seared yours, showing you how much command he had over your body. He ground his hips against yours, the fabric of his jeans digging into you to elicit a moan echo from your mouth. You could feel his erection hardening against your leg, the tension deep within you tightening at the prospect of what he was going to do to you. 

His fingers tugged at your skirt, gripping the material in his fist and dragging it down your body as if it was nothing. He flipped you, your elbows crowding the pillows as you felt him sit on your back, snapping the belt in his hands again. You let out a short breath as Karl’s nails raked up your back before his fingers dipped in your hair, tugging your head back to look at him. “I want you to scream my name tonight,” he groaned. You obliged as he dropped his grip on you. 

He pulled your wrists between the bars of your headboard before binding you to the metal with his belt, yanking the leather to sinch against your skin. He dropped his head to press his lips against your shoulder, a tender nod of affection you knew would be the last. You leaned on your side to watch him sit back on his knees to unbutton his jeans. “Be gentle,” you leered, tugging your bottom lip between your teeth to fight your grin again as you watched him spit into his hand and stroke himself in preparation.

He chuckled. “I’ll take good care of you, sweetheart,” he murmured darkly through a smirk. He pulled your hips up and against his own, forcing your face into the mattress. Your hands tightened around the metal bars, as he angled himself at your entrance before driving himself into with an act of force you knew you deserved. A moan of his name slipped past your lips as his fingers dug into your hips, thrusting into you to drive himself deeper into you. “That’s right. I want the neighbors to know who’s fucking you,” he groaned, snapping his hips against yours. 

Moans of pure bliss escaped your lips as his head neared yours. Karl used your hips as leverage for his unwavering pace, leaving you a mess of pleasure beneath him. His lips found their way to your neck as he nipped against the sensitive skin. You wanted him to mark you, to claim you, and he deserved to. His hand from your hair became wrapped around your throat as he began to reach his peak. 

His hand slapped your ass with such force you knew there was a handprint, but you were too overwhelmed with the noises escaping his lips and your climax threatened to disobey your control to be concerned with the sting. If anything it threatened to push you over the edge. Your hands pulled against the leather of his belt as he pounded into you. 

Your toes began to curl as he leaned over you, his breath fanning against your shoulder as you bit back heavy moans of pleasure. Karl’s hand was knotted in your hair again, his other fisting the sheets beside you. “Who’s making you feel this good? Huh?” You moaned out his name as he punctuated his sentence with the thrusts of his hips. “That’s right, you fucking slut.” You tightened around him, your orgasm sweeping over you with an element of shock. 

You could practically hear Karl’s smirk as he moaned at the sight of you coming undone beneath him. He continued to ride you, finishing rather abruptly. He pressed his lips between your shoulder blades before loosening the belt around your wrists. Your back popped as you were finally able to move freely. He bit back a chuckle as you gingerly snuggled beneath the covers beside him. You slipped your hand across his torso, hugging his side against your chest as he rested an arm behind your head. 

As you laid your head on his chest, his heartbeat began to steady, his fingers lightly brushing against your skin. “I’d rather eat my own feet than sleep with Todd, you know,” you croaked, realizing just how much your voice was weakening, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

Karl chuckled softly. “Me too,” he commented, making you smile slightly. “I’m actually…” he paused slightly before continuing as if searching for what he wanted to say exactly. “I’m actually not sleeping with anyone else.” 

You couldn’t fight the smile spreading across your face. “I’m not either.” You hugged him tighter, letting his fingers twirl into your hair. “I’m good with you.” 

“I’m good with you, too,” he mirrored, a smirk evident in his voice as his other hand traced over the red marks on your wrists from his belt. 

Tags: 

@mrwinemaker @madsbbg @idiotinnit @xxtakechancesxx

[turing-tested]

I just don't understand why me telling people I'm faking and lying and pretending to have symptoms doesn't work. like i can't wrap my head around the fact that I try to tell people all the time that I am literally making it all up and that it's all in my head and that I'm not actually mentally ill and no one ever believes me and it's frustrating bc it feels like....the logic is "if I tell someone I'm faking and making it all up then it will wrap back around to the idea that they'll actually believe I do have problems bc people who dont have issues don't say that" and it just makes me feel like an asshole deep down who is doing some 1000 IQ shithead play to manipulate people. like. idk. does anyone relate to this or have opinions on it bc I feel like an insane person half the time to be like 'i am pretending to have symptoms and I'm making it all up" (because I don't have any ♥️)

I know this probably doesn't make any sense at all but I'm in a weird part of my brain recently where I need desperately people to know that I'm not actually having any problems and that I'm just trying to get sympathy and to not be held accountable for my own actions and that I'm just trying to get a cop out for my behavior

[hebescus]

...and i hope he does / read on ao3

i was planning to reread labb but the part where mello said he hoped light reads it and realize how much shit of a human he is took me straight to google docs. light is pretty mean in this and this is just my good old 2am dump so don't expect anything serious 😅 plus ghost!L bc i like it and i can. and did jov just write a l and light gen fic? inprovement, i dare say. anyway enjoy <3

-------

"This is sick," Light Yagami groaned, practically throwing a stack of spiral-binded stacks of papers onto his wooden desk.

"You're being ambiguous, Light-kun. Are you complimenting his writing or disapproving of it?" The thin breeze of air flowed like sharp strands of familiar black hair brushing against Light's left ear. He shivered, never getting used to it, ever.

"Did you really tell him this? All of this?" He ignored the previous remark and spun his chair to face the slightly hazy form of a man next to him. "You tell him you're a bottom and B's an...agressive top? 

"He exaggerated some parts, that one was his wording. But yes, I did tell him the whole story," the man answered, eyes glued on the paper — book? message? — still. "He was only thirteen then. I almost can't believe he remembered it so clearly and uses it as the remains of his living."

"I still don't understand why Near sent me this though," Light muttered, keeping his speculating thoughts away from L's ghost ears. "And you're not helping either, L. Pretty sure his ghost would be so stoked to see you more than I do now."

"I wondered what would be their reaction when they found out they died by the same hand, with the same pen, from a paper of the same book," L dismissed that and made his own question again, still crouching on the dining chair Light pulled into the bedroom just for him. It's not like Light can escort him away too, sadly. 

"They? You mean…"

"B and Misora, yes."

"Their mistake," Light answered with a low voice, stood up from his desk and started to get rid of his loosened tie."I hope they didn't gain any information after I read this and haunt me like you do."

"The thing is, Light-kun, if they can, there would be two hundred thousands of translucent beings hanging around this whole apartment building," L said sarcastically, while following the other like a puppy on a leash.

"Stop following me around. You're not my shoulder demon."

"I'm your shoulder angel then?"

If Light knew L's soul did not rot alongside his body instead tormenting each of his moves like this, he wouldn't have killed him. "That Beyond guy looks nothing like you, by the way."

Now that he discovered him again, his picture on the screen of his computer resurfaced from the bottom of his memory. Light remembered Ryuk's cackle when he saw it. He also noticed something similar in both of their eyes. Beyond's eyes caught the camera, his gaze pierced into his soul as if he could see something a human incapable of.

Now he understood why.

"He wore makeup, straightened his hair and manipulated his facial expressions. The mugshot won't show you all that."

"If you asked me if he's cool, I would've answered the same thing as Misora."

"All that to beat me."

"After seeing your face? No wonder, yeah. I knew that feeling. Long, long ago…" Light sighed, in the act or out of real weariness, no one's sure. "Good memories and nightmares."

"That's not nice, Light-kun."

"Oh yeah? I bet Beyond Birthday knows how nice you are." Light laid on the bed and L followed. He spoke monotonously. "Talk about being tossed into the very corner of an enormous brain after pulling each end of the earth just to gain your attention."

"He wasn't worth my time," L turned to face him.

"Not fair. I didn't even try and suddenly you're obsessed with the case to a point where you chained yourself to me and," Light shook his head with a fake, slight frown. "And then you fucking die, in my arms! When will justice be served for Mr. Birthday?"

"Light-kun is an asshole."

"What can I do? I'm not even worth the dirt beneath your shoes."

"If only Mello knew the circumstances you're under when you read it. I'm sure he'd be upset. But I do think the message served their purpose," L smiled mockingly.

"Whatever. Now go, tomorrow is my big day. I have to sleep," both of them checked the digital clock : 1.28.10 / 01:33 . "Seriously L, I don't want to sleep with you. Go talk to Ryuk or something."

"Right. I'll see you tomorrow."

With that the ghost left through the walls. Only to reappear as he promised between rusted steel and blood red stairway. The book, the sacred dying message which Near gave to him for the written wish — whether it was more of a spiteful remark or a literal purpose, he complied — of his passing friend left untouched before Misa Amane, twenty days later decided to dispose of it. To rot with every soul, every name ever written inside it.

[eg515]

part two of this ask by @just-a-glittery-fan

part one: RNM | part three: GG reboot

I wanted to add a normal gif. something cute and simple. but then I saw this and I had to.

What I love about them: what's not to like?? I love his sass, as shown above. I love his loyalty. I love his brain. I love his epic love story with Mickey. I love his relationship with his siblings. I love how protective he is of the people he loves.

What I hate about them: not a hate, but I'm not a fan of all the violence between him and Mickey. I know, that's how they roll, southside and all, but still.

Favorite Moment/Quote: there were many iconic moments, but the first one I thought about was "Is Mickey adopted?" to T*rry because KING SHIT. also early seasons, the hearteyes look he gives Mickey when M first kisses him. you know, when he's the getaway driver while the Milkoviches are robbing a house and Mickey gets shot in the ass and Ian's old ass boyfriend has to operate on him on the Gallagher's kitchen counter. god I miss this show.

What I would like to see more focus on: is this still relevant? anyway, I want more domestic fluff. also, dad!Ian. also, better communication between him and Mickey.

What I would like to see less focus on: ugh, idk... it was pretty okay, considering it was Shameless.

Favorite pairing with: gallavich for the win, obvi. I started the entire fucking show because of them and a highly misleading promo that showed the s7 goodbye completely differently, but I'm not going on that rant again 🙃

Favorite friendship: Mandy! ❤ and Lip! 💙 imagine if Lip got his shit together and he stayed with Mandy. the power the Mandy-Lip-Ian-Mickey quartet would have.

NOTP: I think the only other serious relationship he had was Trevor? Travis? something like that, and I liked him a lot, so it's not a notp. maybe a notp bc he deserved better than Ian, who was still in love with his ex. but again, it's Shameless.

Favorite headcanon: Ian and Mickey tease each other over their horrible tattoos all the time. 😌

What I love about them: everything 🥰

What I hate about them: that she's gone 🥺

Favorite Moment/Quote: SHE RAN OVER KAREN!! it truly doesn't get more iconic than that 😌 but also when she offered to be Ian's fake gf at school 🥰 and "I'm not a tool so you don't get to treat my like one" and "Men are never right. That's why women were invented, to think for you assholes." absolute queen.

What I would like to see more focus on: her happiness 💛 she deserves nothing but good things 💛

What I would like to see less focus on: her getting traumatised over and over again 🙃

Favorite pairing with: Lip! if the idiot had half a working braincell he wouldn't have let her go. we could have had TWO iconic Milkovich-Gallagher duos, but he went and fucked it up 🙃

Favorite friendship: Ian 🥰

NOTP: ugh I don't even remember the dude's name, I just remember that he hurt her. something starting with a T? idk, doesn't matter. she deserves nothing but the best, anything less is not good enough for her 💛

Favorite headcanon: she was actually there at the gallavich wedding. you can't tell me she wasn't invited and didn't move heaven and earth to be there.

well look at me, finally answering age old asks, getting my shit together 😌 maybe I'll even clean my room 😌 (unlikely, but one can dream.)

thank you, bestie! 💕 part three will arrive...at a certain point in the future that is a surprise for you, but I definitely for sure know when. absolutely. it's all planned for sure. and until then, it's been a blast, as always 😌💕

[blossom-hwa]

Okay I'm super sorry if I'm requesting too many things but I was listening to holiday music while driving home from work yesterday and was suddenly struck by the need for some chaotic holiday/winter shenanigans with the boyz, if that's okay? Reader involvement isn't necessary! Pretty please and thank you sooo much ❤❤❤ -🌻

You’re not requesting too many things don’t worry Sunny!!! I literally owe you everything for half the fics I’ve written in the past year so there’s no way I could refuse, also this is what the drabble game is for!! I hope you enjoy this half-baked bullshit LMAO

3-year anniversary drabble game: send me an NCT/WAYV/Stray Kids/The Boyz member + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

(don’t think I've mentioned it but all of these text aus are in the same universe lol)

(also this ended up not being as holiday-ish as you probably wanted.... SORRY)

~

Title: Holiday Shenanigans

Pairing: no pairings, just the boyz being dumb

Triggers: a lot of cursing

~

quick clarification:

papi: sangyeon

angel: jacob

moon scribblez: kevin

new kid: chanhee

starbucks tissues: changmin

sundae: sunwoo

bread: younghoon

the better hyun: hyunjae

the better jae: eric

professional rollerblader: juyeon

foodie: haknyeon

~

new kid: I'm going to commit murder

sundae: who’s he making empty threats about this time

new kid: IT’S NOT AN EMPTY THREAT

moon scribblez: who wants to hear about the cockroach that fucking crawled out of my mop today!!

papi: pls don’t tlalk about it I was scarred for life

moon scribblez: IT’S YOUR TUTORING CENTER IT’S Y O U R FAULT WE HAVE A COCKROACH INFESTATION

papi: it’s not an infestation Kevin

new kid: is no one going to pay attention to my murder

angel: I will! but I won’t be an accessory

moon scribblez: I BEG TO FUCKING DIFFER

moon scribblez: THAT THING WAS HUGE IT WAS MORE LIKE A SPIDER JFC

new kid: I love you jacob

moon scribblez: IF I SHAKE THE FUCKING MOP TODAY AND COCKROACHES CRAWL OUT I’M QUITTING MY FUCKING JOB

angel: love you too <3

sundae: /barfs/

papi: #1 sunwoo just bc you’re allergic to emotion doesn’t mean the rest of us are

papi: some of us are capable of love

new kid: JI CHANGMIN ISN’T

papi: #2 I don’t own the center I'm just the center director therefore I do not take responsibility for any possible infestations we may have

starbucks tissues: I heard my name :D

new kid: sTOP FUCKING TERRIFYING ME WHEN I’M JUST TRYING TO WORK

new kid: IT’S ALMOST C H R I S T M A S HALLOWEEN IS G O N E

papi: therefore take it up with the owners @ moon scribblez

starbucks tissues: but it’s always halloween :(

moon scribblez: I TOOK THE MOP TO THE SINK

moon scribblez: PUT IT THERE AND TURNED ON THE FAUCET

moon scribblez: A FUCKING BROWN SPIDER-LOOKING COCKROACH BITCH ASS C R A WL E D OUT

moon scribblez: AND YOU WON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY??????????

papi: I just deal with the parents and the kids not bugs

new kid: it is NOT ALWAYS FUCKING HALLOWEEN

new kid: IF YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE

new kid: CELBRATE C RH SI T MA S 

moon scribblez: time to pin it on ella

starbucks tissues: :(

sundae: now look what you’ve done chanhee

sundae: you’ve made him sad

new kid: I GOT TERRIFIED BY A NUN MASK AND YOU CARE ABOUT IF H E’ S SAD????????????????

starbucks tissues: :(

angel: I think I'm going to head out

angel: I don’t think even I can heal this rift

moon scribblez: well if jacob’s out I'm out

moon scribblez: I have a solution to my problems 

papi: just don’t get me involved

moon scribblez: no promises !

starbucks tissues: I can scare ella if you want kevin :)

moon scribblez: YES FUCKING PLEASE

papi: I'm going to get fired

moon scribblez: maybe so :D

new kid: no one cares about my problems I see

new kid: everyone hates me

sundae: ya it’s bc you’re the new kid

new kid: I exist only for pain 

~

bread: so hyunjin told me to tell changmin to stop using various horror movie masks to terrify him at work

starbucks tissues: so out of work is fair game?

bread: idk he didn’t specify

bread: probably

starbucks tissues: :D

the better hyun: oh what the fuck this shit isn’t normal

the better hyun: it’s impossible for someone to be so cute but so terrifying

starbucks tissues: I'll take that as a compliment :D

the better hyun: it isn’t but whatever makes you happy ig

the better jae: changmin

the better jae: I only ask that you leave the nun mask and chucky doll at home when we have our christmas party

starbucks tissues: well that’s no fun :(

bread: changmin I'm sorry but your idea of fun is very different from ours

bread: Jacob back me up

angel: I'm sorry changmin but he’s right :(

starbucks tissues: :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

the better hyun: by the way for the party

the better hyun: who’s doing what???????

the better jae: I'm bringing the xbox!!

foodie: I'm bringing cookies !

papi: I'm cooking with Kevin and juyeon

professional rollerblader: yes it’s going to be fun

professional rollerblader: Kevin says he’s going to make a cheesecake

the better jae: can I save a piece for jisung??

moon scribblez: if we don’t eat all of it

new kid: why

new kid: why did I just hear screaming from the tutoring center

moon scribblez: oH MY GOD SANGYEON

professional rollerblader: TAHT WAS GLORIOUS

sundae: what happened

foodie: why do you only show up for chaos

sundae: I only exist for chaos nothing else is worth my time

the better jae: fair enough

angel: what happened? I thought I saw someone fall ??

angel: but I'm across the walkway so idk :(

angel: is everyone all right?

papi: I think I have a concussion

moon scribblez: oh please you just fell off a tiny stepladder

professional rollerblader: can’t believe sangyeon just fell off a stepladder trying to put up a fucking Christmas stocking 

papi: I hate christmas

papi: I hate everything

moon scribblez: the kids are laughing

moon scribblez: I think I'm going to bust a lung

papi: my dignity has been stripped and I no longer want to live

the better hyun: wait juyeon why are you even there 

the better hyun: you don’t even tutor

foodie: ‘does she even go here’

the better jae: ‘does she even go here’

foodie: ERIC

the better jae: HAK

sundae: oh wow amazing their brain cells conjoined into one single coherent thought and of course it had to be a mean girls reference

starbucks: how did this start out with younghoon telling me to stop scaring hyunjin at work

bread: honestly I don’t know

~

moon scribblez: winter break is upon us

moon scribblez: and I can now bask in the fact that I don’t have to teach spoiled rich assholes basic math for two whole weeks !

papi: speak for yourself

moon scribblez: your fault for being center director

angel: I hate to agree with Kevin and be mean but you really did bring that upon yourself sangyeon

papi: want death

professional rollerblader: no don’t die! we need your food for the party tomorrow

papi: can’t believe all you care about is my food not even me

sundae: did you expect anything different

papi: on a regular basis no

papi: but it’s the holiday season

new kid: holidays are a social construct made to force us into the world of capitalism and giving our money to fat fucking corporations like amazon

starbucks tissues: if I could give Jeff Bezos a heart attack with my nun mask I would

new kid: that’s the only use of that mask that I approve of

starbucks tissues: turn around

the better jae: was that

the better jae: was that new

bread: I don't think I've ever heard chanhee scream that loud

foodie: I’m at the food court and I heard that what the fuck

foodie: the build a bear is like all the way down the mall what the fuck

starbucks tissues: :)

bread: I think that scream rivaled changmin’s dolphin levels

sundae: brb still dying of laughter

sundae: I'm so happy I caught that on video

new kid: Kim sunwoo

new kid: don’t you fucking dare

sunwoo: [ 1 video attached ]

new kid: someone’s dying tonight

professional rollerblader: I can’t believe I missed this I'm so mad

foodie: I think the fake Santa Claus looking over in abject horror just adds to it

starbucks tissues: ^^^

new kid: someone’s dying tonight

angel: there there

angel: no one’s dying tonight

new kid: someone IS

new kid: AND NOT EVEN JACOB CAN STOP ME

the better jae: bet changmin’s mask can

new kid: I'm ripping that fucking mask to shreds

starbucks tissues: :(

bread: now he’s hugging the fucking mask like it’s his baby 

bread: [ 1 image attached ]

the better hyun: as I have said before

the better hyun: it is not normal for someone to look that cute while holding a fucking horror movie mask

papi: I've come to accept that none of you are normal

papi: I think it’s best for your sanity to accept that too

moon scribblez: I'm so late but I'm also rolling on the floor with laughter

papi: can confirm he’s actually on the floor

papi: Kevin you give our center a bad name

moon scribblez: I deadass do not care

moon scribblez: you gave me ashley today so I'm giving you chaos

moon scribblez: suck it <3

angel: she can’t be that bad?????????

moon scribblez: Jacob I know you’re an angel

moon scribblez: but you don’t understand

angel: I guess I don’t :/

~

foodie: I'm going into a food coma!

foodie: don’t attempt to contact me for the next twenty four hours peace <3

sundae: we wouldn’t have in the first place

foodie: :(

angel: sunwoo don’t be mean :(

sundae: fine

sundae: sorry hak

foodie: :)

new kid: the power of one Jacob bae

starbucks tissues: he prevents wars with just his smile

bread: all hail the angel

the better jae: *bows*

angel: guys pls

moon scribblez: no they’re right

moon scribblez: he took me home last night when I was drunk off my ass

moon scribblez: a true angel

angel: guys pls I'm blushing :(

papi: can confirm ! I'm sitting next to him

papi: also he made me hangover soup so can confirm the angel bit too

professional rollerblader: honestly if Jacob wasn’t here we wouldn’t have survived last night

professional rollerblader: he de-escalated Mario kart

professional rollerblader: stayed sober

professional rollerblader: took people home

foodie: all hail Jacob bae

the better jae: I thought you were in a food coma?????

foodie: came back to pay my respects to our lord and savior Jacob bae

the better jae: ok valid

angel: g u y s

the better hyun: has this conversation just become an all hail Jacob bae conversation

moon scribblez: do you want to fucking argue about it

the better hyun: no on the contrary

the better hyun: I'm joining

the better hyun: alL HAIL JACOB BAE

papi: amen

moon scribblez: aMen

professional rollerblader: a fucking men

angel: I'm going to start crying guys pls

new kid: NO DON’T CRY

starbucks tissues: Jacob don’t cry :(((((((((

angel: you guys are so sweet I can’t not cry

papi: I'm hugging him now no more crying

the better jae: two bros, chillin in a hot tub

the better jae: no feet apart bc they’re secure in their masculinity and love each other very much <3

moon scribblez: FIVE FEET APART BC THEY’RE NOT GAY

moon scribblez: fuck

the better jae: YOU RUINED IT

the better jae: yOU BITCH

professional rollerblader: didn’t Jacob call us sweet like one minute ago?

new kid: well he’s an angel he sees the best in us

sundae: there’s no best in you bitch

new kid: oh fuck you

bread: great way to end the holiday season ig

[trensu]

Episode 47: The One where JGY Gets Kinky with WWX and NO ONE Likes It

so our boys are still wandering around yunping and wwx is trying his hand at being matchmaker

he starts asking lwj if there's any female cultivators that *insert list of traits here*

they're still walking ahead of wn, who looks distracted by smth idk what

lwj: what for?

he asks as soon as wwx finishes listing off traits

It’s off-screen tho so we don't get to see his expression

But this is lwj we’re talking about and we all know how he gets when wwx so much as implies interest in other people

wwx: it's not for me!!

LOL WHY DID HE FEEL THE NEED TO RUSH IN AND EXPLAIN THAT??

IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S EVEN NOTICED LWJ’S JEALOUS STREAK

WHY WAS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR HIM TO KNOW IT WASN’T FOR YOU, WWX?? HMM??

and then he goes on to say how wn is all grown up now and probs can't spend the rest of his life third-wheeling them

wwx looks back and sees wn surrounded by children while lwj is still facing the other way

and i only mention this bc once wwx sees wn with the kids, wwx reaches over and PHYSICALLY TURNS lwj around by gently grabbing him by the shoulders

wwx: following me like this, is not an appropriate life for him. According to the bro code, i def need to find him a partner

this is actually so sweet tho, wwx doesn’t want his buddy to be lonely!!

wwx: hanguang jun, what do you think?

lwj: *nod*

wwx: at least, he needs to make some friends

AND THEN HE GETS A SMILE ON HIS FACE AND LOOKS AT LWJ

wwx: lan zhan, i think sizhui is a perfect candidate

OMGGGGGG

I AM LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD RN

AS SOON AS WWX SAYS THAT LWJ LOOKS DOWN AND SO VERY AWKWARDLY TWITCHES TO THE SIDE AND KEEPS WALKING 

I'M  D Y I N G  LOLOLOLOL

HE'S LIKE SHIT FUCK HE STILL DOESN'T KNOW, DAMN IT, I DIDN'T TELL HIM YET, I MUST LEAVE RIGHT NOW

wwx doesn't dwell on lwj's abrupt departure bc when ISN'T lwj abrupt, right? 

After wwx rescues wn from the children, he tells him to go wait at the inn while he and lwj continue to investigate. 

wn goes all Sad Puppy about it.

but wwx doesn't see it bc he's already running towards lwj "lan zhan, wait for me!"

Small interruption to say that i really really enjoy watching our boys walk side by side?

we're constantly getting shots of their backs as they walk next to each other and even if they weren't EPIC SOULMATES, it’s still like, aesthetically pleasing.

Oh look, they found out that jgy's deed was to a Temple of Doom

or okay, a standard religious temple but considering what goes down in there eventually, i think Temple of Doom is a pretty accurate name for it

lwj mentions he senses a magic circle hidden in the temple and they proceed to talk plot stuff

but i'm just so distracted by their pretty faces

mostly wwx's, but lwj also has a pretty face

blah blah plot blah

it's decided they need to come back at night when it'll presumably be empty

now wwx is politely questioning a monk

wwx: Asks Clever Plot Related Questions

me: *dreamy sigh* so pretty wwx, so pretty

ooooh, wwx's Clever Plot Related Questions reveal that the monk is a FRAUD. 

idc about it or why he's a fraud but i just wanted to demonstrate HOW SMART MY SUNSHINE BOY IS. he’s got beauty AND brains!!!

cut to next scene and IT'S NIGHT TIME

wwx, lwj, and wn are approaching the Temple of Doom

lwj stops wwx from getting any closer to the doors with an outstretched arm

then lwj gets closer to the doors and kind of just...lobs a bit of his blue spiritual energy at the door

turns out it's warded! no getting in that way

so wwx says they'll get in through the courtyard or smth and tells wn to stand guard

LOLOL LOVE THIS LINE:

wwx: i am half a wreck but we still have hanguang jun~

WWX HAS SO MUCH FAITH IN HIS SOULMATE

we get some alone time with wn who notices some ominous black clouds rolling in so he takes off to investigate

MY BRATTY SON!! MY BRATTY SON IS HERE!! FOLLOWING HIS DOGGY

And that dumb dog is leading my precious brat of a son straight to the Temple of Doom!!

GO BACK TO BED, BRATTY SON, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE HERE

now we cut to our boys spying over the wall and they see a whole bunch of random dudes with bows/arrows

and now we hear barking! AHH!!! THAT STUPID DOG IS PUTTING MY BRATTY SON IN DANGER

jl knocks the door AND BEHIND THE DOOR ARE A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES AIMING THEIR ARROWS AT HIM

HOW DARE THEY

DON'T YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON MY BRATTY SON'S HEAD, I WILL KILL YOU DEAD

wwx is thinking to himself: why is jl here? why didn't wn stop him? naughty kid, leave quickly with the dog!!

BUT JL DOESN'T LEAVE WITH FAIRY

INSTEAD JL DOES WHAT HIS UNCLE WWX DID AND CLIMBS UP THE WALL TO PEEK OVER

we get a close up shot of wwx's eyes here and i'm mentioning this for two reasons

1) wwx has beautiful brown eyes and everyone should take a moment to be grateful for this close up of them

but, more importantly

2) WE ALSO GET A GLIMPSE OF HIS EAR IN THIS SHOT AND HIS EAR HAS FRECKLES AND IT'S THE CUTEST THING EVER. FRECKLY WWX!!! WWX WITH FRECKLES!!! I'M SO HAPPY

okay back to the show i guess

jl manages to pull himself up BUT OH NO, THEY'VE GOT AN ARROW AIMED AT HIM

WWX SEES THIS AND HIS EYES GO WIDE WITH FEAR BC THAT'S HIS DARLING LITTLE NEPHEW THEY'RE PLANNING TO SHOOT

we see wwx gripping his bamboo flute 

and in the next second the bad guys loose their arrows at my bratty son!! HOW DARE THEY

wwx thinks fast and flings his flute at the incoming arrows and one of the arrows oh so conveniently splits the flute so it's unusable now

wwx: jin ling, run!!

WWX GAVE AWAY HIS POSITION TO SAVE HIS NEPHEW, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

now our boys are getting shot at and it's super stressful

but wwx and lwj leap off the roof (wwx does a fancy flip bc ofc he does) and wwx starts flinging talismans everywhere like nbd

they're smoke bomb talismans apparently

NOOOOOO I DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT SCENE WAS COMING UP HERE I'M NOT READY FOR IT

so smoke bombs right, and we see somebody walking calmly through it

our boys land on the ground and get ready to start fighting

BUT SUDDENLY WE SEE A FLASH OF GOLD THREAD 

WWX FLINCHES BACK TO AVOID IT BUT ALL IT DID WAS MAKE IT EASIER FOR FUCKING JGY TO WRAP IT AROUND WWX'S (BEAUTIFUL) EXPOSED VULNERABLE NECK!!!

IT'S A GARROTE AND MY SUNSHINE BOY IS CAUGHT IN IT

JGY HAS THIS DARK EVIL LOOK ON HIS FACE AND HE'S HOLDING WWX HOSTAGE!!!!

I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT EVIL SMIRK RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE JGY 

LET GO OF MY SUNSHINE BOY, YOU BASTARD

lwj has his bichen drawn and pointed directly at jgy but he hasn't made a move yet bc wwx is being used as a human shield!!

jgy: i advise master wei not to whistle. it doesn't matter if the flute is broken. but if a finger or tongue is lost, that would be tragic

he says it with a fake, condescending concerned expression

I HATE HIM SO MUCH, I'M GONNA STRANGLE HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS

wwx gives a little huff and says sarcastically: you have a good point

eeww, we hear the garrote creak as jgy starts walking backwards 

and wwx has no choice but to follow BC HE'S GOT A GARROTE AROUND HIS NECK

lwj keeps pace with them, sword still pointed at jgy BC HELL NO HE'S NOT GONNA LET HIM TAKE MY, I MEAN, HIS WEI YING AWAY

oh, side note, we get a nice peek at some decorative etchings along bichen’s blade, kinda like suibian’s red line, except they’re pale silvery blue

Have they been there the whole time?? HOW DID I NOT NOTICE??

I blame wwx’s beautiful face for distracting me at every turn

Anyway, the etchings are pretty, whatever they are

Jgy is like don’t even THINK of trying anything hanguang jun!!

the garrote creaks bc FUCKING JGY TIGHTENS ENOUGH TO CUT INTO THE TENDER SKIN IN WWX'S NECK AND MAKES HIM BLEED!!

at that, lwj stiffly lowers bichen and he immediately gets surrounded by jgy's henchmen

the expression on lwj's face!! this is him scowling up a storm

since this is lwj's face we're talking about tho, there's only the slightest downward pull at the corner of his mouth. 

his eyes, on the other hand, his eyes are glowering fiercely

wwx tells lxc not to feel so bad about being tricked bc after all jgy is the best at what he does 

now wwx and jgy are doing that thing i love, you know the trope?

when the good guy and the bad guy speak to each other lightly, casually 

As if no one is actually poised to get murdered or anything

with an implicit acknowledgement of each others' immense skill

And they exchange notes as to how the good guy discovered the bad guy’s nefarious plot and the bad guy taking it as constructive criticism for future evil endeavors

Good stuff, good stuff

as they do this, jgy keeps his eyes pinned to lwj, who is the only real threat to him right now

wwx: since we’re completely at your mercy how’s about you tell me what kind of treasure is in the Temple of Doom?

jgy: the price to satisfy your curiosity is high. are you sure you want to try, master wei?

he says all falsely regretful

look i hate jgy with every fiber of my being, but i do appreciate this sort of banter

unfortunately it gets interrupted by some henchmen dragging in my bratty son!!!

jgy gives jl a sweet benign smile, with dimples and all 

which kind of cracks me up tbh, bc it does not mesh with the fact that he's got wwx by the neck here

jl: uncle jgy!

jgy: 'sup a-ling?

wwx: what's wrong with you, kid? why'd you come here at night??

JL: IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

OH GOD, THAT'S HILARIOUS. 

IT REALLY JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH OF A KID HE STILL IS (BC HELLO, HE'S LIKE 12 I MEAN 16)

that was totally just a reflexive indignant response to wwx's tone, i love it

bc it's not like his one uncle is threatening to murder his other uncle or anything important lololol

and for all the dog lovers out there, to really hammer in how evil jgy is, jgy orders his henchmen to go murder fairy

my bratty son is very upset by this

lxc comes in here and is like, hey, jl is just a kid!! and also your nephew!!!

and jgy is all like, ofc i know he's a kid and my nephew! what do you think i'd do?? kill him???

well, i mean, you did murder your own infant son

i can't imagine killing your teenage nephew is that big of a leap for you, jgy

and then he goes right on to say that hey nephew, if you run or scream, probably something awful will happen to you so maybe don't do that

MY POOR BRATTY SON

oh now we cut to the inside of the temple and people are digging into the floor

wwx is wondering what the heck jgy is looking for

then he looks at lwj and with just a twitch of his eyebrows indicates that OMG JGY IS DISTRACTED AND THERE'S AN OPENING FOR AN ATTACK, GO FOR IT LWJ

or at least i'm assuming that's what that eyebrow twitch meant bc lwj catches it and leaps into action

he raises bichen and dives towards jgy aiming to cut his head clean off, it looks like

but jgy sees it coming in the last second and jerks wwx in front of him. 

bichen stops just barely an inch or two away from wwx's bleeding neck

wwx closes his eyes in disappointment  bc they had been so close! 

and now he just looks so upset bc he thinks he’s ruined their chances by letting jgy use him as a shield

jgy: hanguang jun, put bichen down now. do you really want to kill master wei?

THAT’S LOW FUCKING BLOW, JGY

HE KNOWS IT TOO

HE KNOWS LWJ FEELS GUILTY ABOUT WWX’S DEATH, THAT BASTARD

and omg wwx's face his eyes are red and teary, wide open and pinned to lwj as we all watch lwj obediently lower bichen

wwx: lan zhan, don't listen to him!

my sunshine boy's brow is all furrowed and he sounds desperate here

wwx: i have never blamed you! lan zhan, you go first to find reinforcements!

HE'S PRACTICALLY BEGGING HIM HERE

BC DEEP DOWN HE KNOWS THAT LWJ IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE

LWJ IS TOO GOOD OF A PERSON TO LEAVE SOMEONE IN DANGER 

BUT WWX HAS NEVER FELT WORTHY OF THAT SORT OF SACRIFICE

HE’S ALWAYS BEEN WILLING TO DIE FOR OTHERS, SO HE’S TRYING TO CONVINCE LWJ TO LEAVE 

BC WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS TAKING JGY DOWN NOT SAVING HIS OWN LIFE

Lwj looks him straight in the eye and shakes his head no for everyone to see

bc nothing will tear him away from wei ying, not again, not when he finally got him back after 16 long long years.

I AM IN PAIN

THE ANGUISH IN BOTH OF THEIR FACES IS KILLING ME

jgy: great! Next, please sheathe bichen

there's a slight twist to lwj's mouth as he sheathes bichen angrily 

but he did it with no hesitation 

the sound fx team really made the shing-clack sound of it very prominent here

i'm assuming to emphasize how lwj is briskly and willingly de-fanging himself in order to keep wwx alive

wwx: LAN ZHAN NO!

wwx pants a couple of times (bc lwj is putting himself in danger!!) and his beautiful beautiful face twists into a snarl

wwx: jgy, don't go too far.

jgy: is it too far for you already? next i even want hanguang jun to seal his own spiritual power by himself. what would you call that?

wwx's eyes widen like, no, no don't

and we get a shot of lwj who is the picture of grim resignation

he knows that as long as jgy has that garrote around wwx's neck, he will do anything he asks of him, anything at all

wwx protests but jgy just tightens the garrote

lwj sees that happening and immediately locks down his spiritual energy

(side note to say that i really like the sound effects and the motions they choreographed for the "locking of energy" thing here. It’s really cool)

wwx: lan zhan…

WWX'S EYES ARE BRIMMING WITH TEARS AND HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S HOLDING BACK SOBS

lwj presses his lips into a firm line in response

THIS ALL IS GIVING ME ANXIETY AND KEEPING ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT

WHICH IS STUPID BC I ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS 

BUT HERE I AM, FREAKING OUT ANYWAY

oh and now there's a convenient thunderstorm TO SET THE MOOD I GUESS?? 

jgy is like, hey guys let's move this inside so we don't get rained out. no worries, if you do what i say i totally won't maim and/or kill you

cut to inside the temple

creepy breeze? Check

eerie candle lighting? Check

highly contrasted cool colors vs warm colors? Check

jgy also likes his classic villain tropes, it seems i wonder if he and xy compared notes on that...

jl is sitting next to lxc, clutching his sword

meanwhile lxc keeps his eyes closed like maybe if i refuse to see what's happening, it'll make it not be happening!

Which, hey, we’ve all been there! 

okay, maybe not this exact same scenario, but still! Totally a valid coping mechanism, probably.

and on the other side of the room we've got our boys sitting shoulder to shoulder against a pillar together

wwx: lan zhan, you don't have to do this. that year....you owe me nothing

Aka, it’s not your fault i died. You don’t need to atone for anything!!!

lwj takes in his words for a moment

lwj: i don't think i owe you.

he says it so seriously

wwx: so why did you do that??

lwj looks over to him

lwj: it's what i should do.

BC THEY'RE SOULMATES AND HE LOVES HIM

AND WWX SMILES THAT LITTLE PINCHED SMILE OF HIS 

some mood-setting stuff happens

you know, creepy wind slamming open doors, blowing out candles, that sort of thing

oh, there's a knock on the door and FUCKING SU SHE APPEARS BC THINGS WEREN'T HORRIBLE ENOUGH ALREADY NOW WE GOTTA DEAL WITH HIS UGLY MUG TOO

huh, he's got an unconscious nhs with him

wow he just drops nhs on the ground like a sack of potatoes, rude

blah blah evil plotty exchange between evil master and evil subordinate blah blah

blah blah emotional confrontation between jgy and lxc that idc about blah blah

ugh gross now su she is approaching wwx and lwj and is talking to them all smugly condescending

i want to hit his face with a brick tbh

LOL

WWX AND LWJ ARE NOT AMUSED

wwx just rolls his eyes and lwj looks off to the middle distance bc this insect is not worth his time or attention lololol

god that chip in his shoulder that he's got for lwj is really getting annoying

ss: i just can't stand his attitude, as if he's better than everyone else!!

idk about “everyone else,” but he's definitely BETTER THAN YOU, YOU GREASY LITTLE COWARD

lol wwx gets offended on lwj's behalf (bc lwj has yet to acknowledge su she at all)

wwx: when did lan zhan say he was better than everyone else?

awwwwww!! lwj sneaks a glance at wwx when he starts to defend his honor. that's so cute!

wwx: iirc, in the great big book of lan fam rules, there’s one that says "don't be arrogant and prideful"

AND LOLOLOL MY BRATTY SON CONTINUES TO BE A BRAT OF A TEENAGER EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THIS DRAMA

jl: how do you know the principles of gusulan so well?!

wwx frowns all sulky and taps his nose adorably

wwx: i have transcribed it so many times that i memorized it.

jl: why did you transcribe the principles of lan??

WWX GETS ALL DEFENSIVE AND IS ARGUING WITH A TEENAGER WHILE THEY'RE BOTH BEING HELD HOSTAGE LOLOLOL

wwx: do you think it was my choice? that (and here he glances at lwj from the corner of his eye and lwj is side-eyeing him and it's hilarious) was my punishment

jl: shame on you!

he says it all haughty and adorably irritated and turns his head away sharply. it's GREAT

After that, wwx is going on about how lwj has had that indifferent expression on his face his whole life and he can't really help it, it’s not bc he’s snooty or whatever ss thinks

and he continues to blabber on in that way he does

ss gets all mad and moves to strike him with his hand

and quicker than a blink of an eye, lwj puts bichen (still sheathed) between wwx and ss 

He glares at ss like, just try it, i dare you! and doesn't put bichen down until ss lowers his hand

i would like to point out that ss still relented to lwj even tho lwj HAS NO ACCESS TO SPIRITUAL POWER 

BC SS KNOWS HE'S A WORTHLESS NOBODY AND LWJ COULD DEFEAT HIM EASILY EVEN WITHOUT HIS RENOWNED CULTIVATION SKILLS

as soon as ss backs off, wwx runs his mouth again, i love it

There’s a bit where wwx says, "i'm not afraid of death, i just don't want to die"

which i guess is some kind of word play in their native tongue? Idk

wwx goes on to explain it but idgi; either it doesn't translate well or i'm not bright enough to understand it, lol

anyway, this all culminates to ss drawing his sword to kill wwx for being annoying

BUT HE GETS INTERRUPTED BY JC'S EPIC ENTRANCE

ZIDIAN CRASHES OPEN THE DOORS AND SENDS SU SHE FLYING

WE GET SOME SHOTS OF POURING RAIN AND A BLOODIED UMBRELLA

A SHOT OF JC’S HAND WRAPPED AROUND SANDU

AND THEN AN OUT OF FOCUS SHOT OF HIM IN THE RAIN

FOLLOWED BY A SHOT OF THE FLOOR ON THE ENTRANCE WHERE WE SEE HIS SHADOW SLOWLY GROWING LARGER AS HE MAKES HIS WAY IN

THIS IS SUCH A COOL SCENE OMG

SLOW MOTION CASUAL SAUNTER ONTO THE SCENE

AHHH, SO COOL JC SO COOL

lwj does not look impressed lolol but you can tell wwx thinks it's pretty neat 

(not that he'll ever admit it bc you never admit those sort of things to your little brother, LOL)

jl is so happy to see him!

jl: uncle!

jc: you're calling me now? you know how to call me now? why did you run away a while ago?

and jl looks away with that yeesh expression kids get when their parents start in on their scolding lectures

THIS ALL CRACKS ME UP BC IT'S NOT THE TIME OR THE PLACE FOR THAT SORT OF EXCHANGE

JC JUST BARGES IN AND STARTS TELLING OFF HIS NEPHEW LIKE THEY'RE NOT ALL TRAPPED BY AN EVIL MASTERMIND

oh here comes fairy AND WWX IMMEDIATELY CLINGS TO LWJ'S SHOULDERS

wwx: lan zhan!!

lwj calmly lifts his arm so wwx can cower behind his billowing white sleeve

LOL

jl is commanding fairy to bite ss and as wwx is cowering, he's ALSO encouraging fairy to bite ss

(which really just means that, while wwx will probably never get over his phobia of dogs, he might eventually be able to get used to fairy maybe)

lol ss goes running with fairy hot on his tail

then we cut to wwx who notices how he's clinging to lan zhan's outstretched arm and gets embarrassed

he gently pushes the arm down and gives it a pat and smiles bashfully at lwj

IT'S ADORABLE

fun fact, this scene is the reason i started watching the show, i saw a gifset of this little exchange here and was like, THAT'S AN ADORABLE SMILE ON THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY IN THE WORLD

IT’S SO CUTE HOW THAT THE GUY IN WHITE LET HIM HIDE FROM THE DOG LIKE THAT. I HAVE TO WATCH THIS NOW.

and now some henchmen try attacking jc and jc whips them away with zidian and is generally just looking AWESOME

then lxc warns him about the Evil Magic Music

so jc's solution to that is to grab a random sword with zidian and chuck sandu into zidian and then scrape the two swords together?? to block out the music with super irritating noise, i guess???

lol even lwj is wincing at the racket

you know what, i'm gonna ignore the weirdness of this makeshift solution and just enjoy how cool zidian looks

now jgy is monologuing at jc and it's boring

lol, wwx leans over to lwj while that's happening

wwx: seriously, he talks like xy

he is not impressed by it lololol

both jc and jgy hear him and give him a Look and wwx puts on an innocent face

jgy starts picking at jc's emotional wounds and complicated brotherly feelings

jc starts getting defensive and snappish

lxc: don't answer him. he's good at talking. 

so at least lxc is learning from his mistakes here, that’s good!

jgy switches tactics and starts in on wwx and his complicated brotherly feelings

but wwx responds with, hey man, i already know jc hates me so that isn't gonna work

oooooh, now jgy is revealing how he heard that jc was running around lotus pier asking ppl to unsheathe suibian

wwx's eyes get all wide and surprised

he throws a desperate look at lwj

wwx: my sword? didn't i give suibian to wn??

lwj doesn't answer but wwx realizes that he hasn't seen wn carrying suibian lately

and he starts frantically asking lwj how suibian ended up with jc and why the heck would jc ask others to draw suibian

wwx: has he drawn it by himself??

pretty sure he knows the answers to all those questions and is basically asking lwj to tell him his suspicions aren't correct

lwj: wei ying, calm down

jgy notices wwx's reactions and pushes on bc he's found a weak spot and he's def gonna exploit it

he's like, oh yeah, i also heard you were able to draw suibian from its sheath, jc

wwx's face is full of dread as he realizes what happened

he starts blinking back tears and he's getting all shaky bc this is his nightmare unfolding before him

FUCKING JGY NEEDS TO SHUT UP

HE'S DREDGING UP ALL OF JC'S INSECURITIES, AIRING THE YUNMENG BROS TRAUMA FOR ALL TO SEE

I WANT TO THROTTLE HIM

he gives jc a sarcastic bow and keeps picking at those wounds

wwx jerks forward as if he was going to try to shut up jgy, but lwj holds him back bc honestly, what was wwx going to be able to do anyway?

jc staggers back as if physically wounded

wwx's eyes are red with tears bc this was never supposed to happen

AND I'M JUST HURTING SO MUCH FOR MY YUNMENG BROS

jgy chooses this moment to attack and now we have a sword fight

we get a shot of lwj and wwx here

wwx is squirming in his seat like he wants to intervene but knows that he can't

Lwj is keeping a close eye on wwx, ready to stop him the moment wwx tries to sacrifice himself for jc (again)

in the middle of their fight, jgy suddenly flings his sword right at lwj!!

lwj tries to raise bichen but it's not gonna be quick enough

jc sees this and dives towards lwj and manages to block the sword

lwj looks at him in shock, which is understandable bc jc doesn't even like him

he could've totally just let that sword slice him in two and been guilt-free bc hey he's in the middle of a life or death battle himself, you know?

but he didn't! he took the time to protect lwj 

For his efforts, he gets wounded (like mortally wounded) and now he has another reason to hate lwj lol

Anyway, jc can't do much now except channel all his spiritual energy into the wound so he doesn't, yknow, DIE

wwx is watching him with worry

here comes su she, all bloodied up 

lol looks like fairy was able to tear into him a bit. what a good doggy!!

now i guess the henchman were able to finish digging or whatever, WATCH HOW MUCH I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT NONSENSE

Let’s check in on our boys instead

wwx and and lwj share a look 

and all i can think is omg look at how close their hands are, if they each shift just a couple inches they'd be holding hands!!

LET MY BOYS HOLD HANDS

But no, we're going to have an emotional discussion instead

wwx: did you know about it?

lwj gives a very reluctant nod

wwx: when did wn tell him?

lwj: while you were knocked out

also omg they're having this conversation and jc is literally only 3ft away

HE CAN HEAR YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?

wwx: that's how we left lotus pier??

lwj: wn is very sorry about that

look at lwj being a bro and sticking up for wn!

wwx: i've told him time and again to never speak of it

jc: never speak of what?

and here they seem to realize that yeah, hello, everyone can hear their conversation

they look at jc all surprised

*facepalm* guys, guys, i get that you both get a little wrapped up in each other sometimes, but c'mon

AND THAT'S THE END!!

SO INTENSE, SO STRESSFUL

But we still got quality times with our boys, and some fun times with jl and jc, so i guess that evens the scales!

Return to Masterpost

[fart-gate]

SG1

STARGATE : ARK OF TRUTH

Notes by me

- we open with a mountain range and the theme song!! Very nice 10/10

- "a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...."

- the Ori are the big bads of the movie it seems

- what is this ark they speak of?

- daniel!!!!! Tealc!!!! Vala!!!

- back on dakara

- "why am I answering her."

- "you wouldn't stop your yammering!" Someone separate the children pls

- and Cam enters with drama!

- Sam!! Nice hair do 😍

- tomin?! Wait I thought he was supposed to be nice now

- "whats new"

- daniel when they push past him to open the box:

- what?? Theres nothing in it??? A fake!

- they have a anti prior device!!!

- Tomin Sees The Truth

- hello sgc 💗💞💗

- this camera work.....u ok camera man?

- mention of atlantis!

- "why do i get the feeling we're gonna miss woolsey"

- Daniel still getting visions from Merlin?? Honey is your brain ok

- daniels slow head turn when vala said she doesnt read books without pictures

- mention of wraith and Pegasus galaxy!

- tealcs white hair 😍

- "does that mean I have to sit in the chair...." Cam stop whining about being in charge of a space ship

- captain cam! "Make it go"

- tealc and tomin therapy session

- tealc laying out all his thoughts and deep feelings 😢💞😢💞

- supergate! What a kawoosh!!!

- whats on the other side

- ah! Medieval town

- daniels losing it. Seeing Merlin

- cam really hates this guy doesnt he

- "got your back" awww Sam and cam 💗

- whats this asshole doing sneaking around. Hey dont touch those crystals

- oh I'm IN LOVE with these black uniforms

- cam is at his limit with this dude lmao

- oh for fucks sake a replicator???? Are u kidding me???

- Daniel......u good

- oh boy more visions

- a tunnel!

- he literally knew nothing about these bug robots and made them anyway. Fucking idiot

- cam is 👌 this close to shooting this dude point blank

- "dont miss"

"I wont"

He missed

- this is a suicide mission. Who ordered them on a suicide mission???

- meanwhile......down down to goblin town goes Daniel and gang

- oh shit they cant be beamed

- "youre friendly neighborhood ships commander"

- love how Daniel hears static on his radio and knows that the ship is in trouble and just.....doesnt care lol

- Landry showing shade at this prior

- did we really need a zoom in on cams ear

- "oh shit!" LET CAM SAY FUCK

- "how many"

"ALOT!"

- "stop fussing and just open it!" Vala I agree waiting for Daniel requires the utmost patience but pls dont risk all your lives

- TEALC NO

- that fucking box better be a time machine or something. Tealc better be fine

- oh wow what a death for that douche

- tealc thank god you're ok

- tealc is getting too old for this

- hey Daniel whump👀👀👀 I'm pleasantly surprised

- tealc trekking up a mountain for his friends 💖💞💖💞💖💞💖 MVP

- what is that torture thing even doing

- meanwhile!! Cam is not having a good time

- thats a big mother

- oh hello mister douche OH MY GOD GROSS ITS IN HIS BACK EW EW

- adria! Whats up hoe

- tealc .......u look like shit

- cam vs replidude

- what is it with cam and being fine with dying

- uuhhh?? Was that oma??? It was an ancient

- there he goes!!! Tealc to the rescue

- colonel ellis from Atlantis! Hate u

- cam whump is nice actually

- "kill me"

"Believe me I'm trying"

- oh......weak Daniel 👀👀👀👌👌👌👀👀👌👌👀💖💖💞👌👌👀👀💖💞💞😍😍💖👀👀👀

- Morgan le fey?????

- crying!Daniel

- tealc is such a badass

- I'm sorry but the fake blood on cam is kinda bad

- uh I'm having thoughts about Daniel vala and tomin

- repliskeleton??? "Oh give me a break"

- I'm sick of cam accepting his death

- Sam saves the day!

- its not stargate without Daniel and vala at each others throats 🤗

- silent communication 👀

- she fucking CHUCKED Daniel across the room

- oh my god is actually worked

- yea go morgan!!!

- "ow" poor cam

- Sam just called Daniel "danny" and I am deceased

- she baked him macaroons !!! My heart😫😫😫😫💖💖💖💖💖💖

- tomin is to lead his people! I believe in him

- vala still having feelings for him but staying bc its where she belongs 😭😭😍

- always something huh. Now area 51 has the device

- Daniel telling vala to get used to being blamed for things lmaooo

-"Walter, hit it!"