#but if it doesn't get written that soon it should be early september

[spectrobes-princess]

Just finished an extremely long chapter of Cursed (aka the reason I haven’t posted anything lately).  It should be posted sometime over the next few days, with the next chapter of Change For The Better hopefully following sometime later this month.

[frevandrest]

Is there a timeline for Saint-Just’s divorce opinions? I remember him early on writing that it was immoral and then he said a marriage could be separated if the couple didn’t have children in 7? years.

There are only two "phases" that we know of (against then in favour); or, rather, only one source/point when he voiced he was against divorce. This is in his 1791 book "L'esprit de la révolution". In it, SJ says that divorce ruins the social contact, but doesn't elaborate much. I mean, there is an entire chapter about it, but it's a few paragraphs long (half of which are ramblings about Rome and God/religion). I honestly must admit that I don't understand why he argues against. He says that it's against nature. That book aged badly like a week (?) after it was published, because it praised the Constitutional monarchy and then soon after Louis decided to take a trip to Varennes.

So soon after, in "De la Nature", we have SJ arguing pro divorce, and he remained very in favour of it for the rest of his life. Now, we don't know when "De la Nature" was written, but it had to be after "L'esprit" but before September 1792 (when divorce was legalized), because he talks about how divorce should be allowed (implying that it's not yet legal at the time of writing). He said some really based things in "De la Nature" about the rights of women (of which divorce is important aspect) but I need to go through that book to be able to talk about details. As I understand, he talks about how the existence of divorce would ensure independence (I guess as in, autonomy). (I think this independence when it comes to women is a theme he mentions more than once in his writings, though in different contexts). Then in "Les Fragments d'institutions républicaines" (written sometimes in late 1793-early 1794), he talks positively about divorce once again. Although here it is more in practical terms (since it was already legal), so he was writing about the regulations surrounding divorce and the rights of children after divorce.

"he said a marriage could be separated if the couple didn’t have children in 7? years."

Yes, but he does not give this as a condition under which a divorce can happen - he advocated for free divorce without a reason. This note says that a couple that has no children after 7 years is divorced by law and must separate. Like a mandatory divorce in this situation? Which may sound strange, given that he wrote a few paragraphs earlier that "man and a woman who love each other are married" so... what if those childless people love each other, Antoine? (Spoiler: he never explains). So this is really wtf and contradictory and some historians tried to explain it as SJ seeing having children as marriage's only purpose (so if no children = divorce), and idk, maybe? But I don't really see it. SJ generally writes so much about the right of women to decide on their spouse, AND he openly says that a man and a woman who love each other are married and they don't have to tell anyone (they can keep it a secret), unless she gets pregnant, when they must declare it. So he definitely argued for the existence of marriage without children. Which makes this comment about mandatory divorce after 7 years very confusing.

But! Let's not forget that this was 18c century and boy did they love to include things that were happening around them as if those are universal laws (to the point where you can glean people's personal biographies through srs political writing). In this case, we know that Thèrése Gellé left her husband on the 7th anniversary of their marriage (25 July 1793), and they did not have children.

No idea if SJ had any link to Thèrése at the time, but this was a marriage that affected him a lot in 1786 and SJ Never Forgets. And we know he knew of Thèrése's escape to Paris after she left her husband so he definitely knew of this incident (since he was believed to had kidnapped her and/or responsible that she left). So I am positive that this note in the Institutions was inspired by the event, for whatever reason.

[placegrenette]

"Gap" album thoughts.

[Edit 7 September 23: Welcome, readers of Dave Moore's Substack! I am a little abashed, like I haven't swept the floors correctly before inviting you in, since the below was written with an audience already familiar with Ninety One in mind. Ninety One is a four-member pop group based in Almaty, Kazakhstan, and active since 2015, and I have been following them fervently for several years now, largely because they make excellent-but-also-thought-provoking pop music. If you would like a more detailed introduction (and reviews of their songs), go here, and if you like what you read below, check out the essay series on idol pop I wrote featuring them back in 2020. And if the term "Bloody January" doesn't mean anything to you, see this reblogged post or this series on The Diplomat for context.]

I'm still having them. The work ain't that deep, I can imagine you saying; there's an argument that by spending so much more time thinking about this album than any of the thousands of other albums it's theoretically competing with, I'm going to IKEA-effect my way into arguing that Gap is a better album than it is. But it's just as well that I waited this long, since we now have information we didn't have access to back in early July, namely: the album seems to have tanked enough that Ninety One is presently planning to take a poorly-defined, all-encompassing, possibly-multi-year hiatus after their planned concerts in Astana on 25 August and Almaty on 1 September (which will be the eighth anniversary of their debut and the release of "Aiyptama").

I honestly don't know exactly what's going on; I've been feeding fansite Instagram Stories into machine-translation engines for a couple days now in hopes of getting more information, without much success. Apparently ZaQ was complaining on TikTok that Eaglez weren't streaming or generally appreciating the songs enough. (Keep in mind that, since there's no physical copy of Gap that we know of, the bulk of the album's contribution to Ninety One's revenue will be via streams.) The hiatus threat may simply be a poorly-thought-out, short-term PR strategy to goose Eaglez into action. I hope not; I'd like to think these guys are above blackmailing their fans. There are two other possibilities, to my mind:

Things actually aren't that bad. They pinned a lot of hopes on Gap, and cooked and recooked it; they've said several times that this album means a lot to them personally. @qforqazaq mentioned in a reply here that they've been losing ground to newer artists such as Shiza and Yenlik. They may be taking the lower-than-expected streaming numbers more to heart than they should, and acting in unexpected frustration. If that's the case, then we'll get a walking back from the "hiatus, no activities, no solo albums" stance they apparently took on TikTok fairly soon. (One argument in favor of this: I find it hard to believe that Alem would agree to commit to no solo releases. I find it even harder to believe that Veronika would stand idly by while Alem committed to no solo releases.)

Things are actually worse than they indicated, and "multi-year hiatus" should be understood to mean "we're breaking up but don't want to say so too bluntly." In this scenario, they're burnt the hell out and possibly losing money. Managing a music group post-COVID is proving overwhelming; they're losing that audience that extends them sympathy, and the opposition that has plagued them since "Aiyptama" has not gone away, in fact possibly hardened—that might explain why they haven't booked tour dates anywhere but Almaty and Astana. Disbanding-without-disbanding allows Bala to study in the United States (all I've heard is "Bala is thinking about going to the United States to study," no further indications of when, what, or where), Alem to continue the TV work he seems to enjoy, ZaQ to focus exclusively on rap, and Ace to try out acting again. If that's the case, then no amount of frantic streaming-party arrangements will dissuade them.

So now Gap has some baggage it didn't initially have, as The Album That Might Have Undone Ninety One. And if we're losing the group—I sure as hell hope not, though Scenario #2 above feels more plausible the more I think about it—then what did we get in return?

Gap didn't do what I expected it to do. Go back and look at my predictions: I'm almost 100% wrong. (Bala did cutely speak some Korean in the "Biz" behind-the-scenes video, though.) There's almost no English. There's not even a song called "Gap"! (Or, for that matter, any sign of the song that closed out ZaQ's "Angst" trailer.) One of the things it didn't do, that I was expecting it to do, was disappoint me. Almost nothing misfires. I found "Aperem Ai" fairly bland on first listen, and still am not sure what they were trying to accomplish with "Dunie," but generally the songs range from good to really good. I'll review them all one by one in upcoming weeks, but suffice to say I'd put "Blue," "Ego," and "Zulym" up there among their best works.

It could just be that my taste and the taste of the average Almaty teenager don't match up. But I have an idea about what's going on with Gap that may have made it less of an easy sell. Granted, this is an idea based on much ignorance, and if you know I'm wrong, you should absolutely pop into the notes or my (unreliable) Ask box and say so. Or reblog. Or email me. Or post to /r/stupidamericans. (It exists!) As soon as better-informed people shoot my theory down I'll update. That said, here goes:

One of my wrong predictions was that we wouldn't get English subs for most of the album. As it turned out, every song got official English subs with its YouTube upload. Hooray! So I pulled all nine SRT files and compiled them into a Google Document, because after my first listen or two of "Zulym," especially, I started to wonder if there was a theme poking out.

I shouldn't make too much of this, translation difficulties being what they are, but it hasn't been all that clear what the album is about. In the Esquire podcast ZaQ claimed that the Gap era stretches back before the album and will continue after the album (not for much longer if y'all break up, she mutters bitterly). I think @bbcblackjack said they said it was mostly about things in their personal lives, but a lot of this album reads unhappily, and their lead lyric-writer is, as best we know, happily married. Ace said at one point that it was a transformation of their grief. But grief over what?

Let's go to the English lyrics:

Bad habits are quickly transmitted, and who did you adopt yours from? If you are looking for energy at the bottom of darkness, you must know that it will absorb you The power of today is the brain Only a fool doesn't know it  Because he's just an unloved child in a ruined house He is seeking the debt he gave to love in the crowd and devouring others It's like a cycle of depression, get out of it, love yourself! ("Jur Mapelep")

It's like I'm disappearing, even if you hug me ("Tartty")

The looted soul is in the same state, Looking for own heart at the bottom of the wine In this city there are only zombies There is no sense in them! Just like in you! The soul locked in your body is howling... Don’t look in the mirror at night Don’t look in the mirror at night Otherwise you’ll see who’s inside there  Otherwise you’ll see who’s inside there  There’s sadness there, there’s the night there Your smile won’t return there now ("Blue")

To retreat without fighting Together from the same fate Is pure defeat Such an end Is mutual trauma That does not pity anyone - What kind of weapon is this? ("Ottegi"; that's the chorus)

What happened to this world It is filled with anger and pain Who will heal the heart That hurts so much? What happened to this world When will we change it? Love is the last fortress For humanity I'll run away from the city, I'll run away from home I’m running away from myself, when will I start to believe in myself? I’m running away from everyone, I’m running away from the world I’m running away from you, when will I come to myself? I’m hiding once again, and coming out, I’m suffocating An evil, destroyed world I’m running away from my own guise, I remain alone How many people like me are there? ("Dunie")

They say there are only ashes and burns left after us... Your external point of view on me Is wrong, because the screen is blue, but not because of us but not because of us They say about us we had sold our souls, their lives Are like a sweet biscuit And I just worked tirelessly, Yo, if you move like me, You'll catch fire on the first day ("Ego")

It's definitely the end of the world... Like a villain in love  Leaving nothing of this world I’ll ruthlessly burn everything to ashes... It is necessary to go through various difficulties, work hard, to burn everything!... I can do it for the sake of love, and they can just do it.  Who's the real villain? Huh?  Who's the real villain? ("Zulym")

So there's a great many invocations of "the city," and a desire to get away from a city full of zombies; a lot of references to fire, smoke, ashes, and the destruction of burning everything down; a number of references to the "villain"; a desire to be the villain; an idea that "the villain" actually gets things done, even if the actions are destructive. Otherwise it's just running, hiding, retreating without fighting, and a subsequent self-contempt.

Y'all, if there's an obvious candidate for "the city" in Ninety One's work, it's Almaty. And, for those of us who weren't there, a reminder: this is what Almaty looked like a year and a half ago.

Another reminder: as best we know the guys weren't able to do anything. "Batyr and I were going to go to the rally," Ace told Elle last year, "but when we heard explosions outside the window we changed our minds." (I've since heard that one of those explosions was near enough to Alem and Veronika's home that they had to flee.) Their city was burning around them, and they couldn't stop it, and they couldn't get online, and whatever hopes they had for a better-governed Kazakhstan melted away minute by minute, and a year and a half later they still haven't been able to do anything. In short: I think Gap is Ninety One's reaction to Bloody January.

Now, again, they haven't said this. So it could be that I'm totally off the mark. And I really have no idea what conversations about Bloody January look like in Kazakhstan right now. It could be that there's lots of room to talk about the protests and the destruction and the general awfulness openly, and Ninety One's restraint makes them look weak-kneed. It could be that there's no room to talk about the protests and the destruction et cetera, and Gap is an unwelcome downer. If you're going to make pop songs, the Kazakhstani populace may be saying to Ninety One, then make, you know, pop songs. Entertain us. Leave your grief out of it.

And Ninety One did in fact try to make pop songs. "Aperem Ai" aims to be a sweet little love ditty; I'm not surprised they've marked it as the next single and plastered it all over their TikTok. "Tartty" is a very pretty gift for your lo-fi playlist. "Blue" is Ninety One's equivalent of "Midnight Sky." "Ego" is a relatively straightforward assert-our-virtues-destroy-our-enemies-and-provoke-the-lamentations-of-their-women track. But Gap begins with "Who is real here? Who is real now?" and ends with "Who's the real villain?" As if the guys can't get away from the possibility that they're the villains, even though they didn't burn anything. They sure don't seem to think they're the heroes. Which may be why "Biz," as an introductory volley, sounds less convincing than "Bata" and "Men Emes" did.

I think it's a better album for including the grief, for what it's worth. But then, I would. One of the things I've loved about them all along—emphasis on "long," it'll be seven years come November—is that they always seemed to want to do more than just make pretty pop songs, and do more with their pretty pop songs than is usual. It makes them a richer and more interesting group. You think I could have written essay after essay about just any group? But it's possible their ambition, combined with Kazakhstan's current ambiguously ominous political situation, ended up coming back to bite them.

I really hope not. Obviously. I'd rather have them separate and fulfilled than together and frustrated, but more than either of those I'd rather they be able to accomplish what they want to accomplish as Ninety One, and not walk away feeling battered and impotent. Greedily; I'll miss them, if they go. It'll feel like a meaner, less interesting world without them.

But y'all tell me if I'm way off base. And I will be doing individual song reviews: Spotify has credits available (albeit not separated into music and lyrics). Look for those coming up, though I may not be able to get to them right away; I had to put off some chores to get this written.

[millylouedward]

November Reading Wrap Up 2023

Well folks, my favorite month of the year has come and gone. There's something about the quietness of November that fills me with peace. The leaves are well into turning orange and red and yellow. People start to stay indoors and avoid the cold. The sun leaves more quickly. This was my first November in Seattle, and overall it was a good one. I wrapped all of my Christmas presents early, had a nice Thanksgiving dinner with my girlfriend, finally watched Love, Actually, and spent a lot of time with my cats. I also went a little overboard and read seven books. That's right, SEVEN books. In one month. Cue Miley Cyrus Can't Be Tamed. 

There comes a time when an adult woman must regress to her childhood for reasons unbeknownst to scientists. Last month, I finally hit that point. It all started in September when I saw Rick Riordan speak at Benaroya Hall about his new Percy Jackson book, The Chalice of the Gods. Being around all these PJO fans got me thinking that I should reread the series before getting to the new book. So a few days later, I crept on over to eBay and found myself the OG copies of the PJO series. And to make it even better, it was four paperbacks and one hardcover, just like I used to own. At some point I guess I donated my original copies. But when the movie came out for The Lightning Thief in 2010, I ran (not walked) to the bookstore and bought the entire series. The Last Olympian was still only in hardcover at the time, so I bought it along with paperbacks for 1-4. No offense to the artist of the newer covers, but I just had to have the originals or else it wasn't the same. 

At this point, you might be thinking that I binged the series as soon as I got them, but you would be wrong. I fell into a short reading slump in October and couldn't bring myself to read anything. That was until I received the notification from my library that my ebook of The Woman in Me was available.

Warning: spoilers ahead for some books!

The Woman in Me - Britney Spears ★★★★★

Did I think this memoir was very well written? No. Did I describe it as a "fantastically written memoir" in my Goodreads review? Yes. I cannot stomach it when a celebrity (or anyone) writes a memoir that isn't somewhat chronological. It doesn't even have to be chronological if it follows a clear path along the timeline. Maybe we have two timelines that are divided as childhood ages 6-12 and adulthood ages 20-30 because similar events happened that led to the present. That is fine. What I don't like it when an author jumps from 26 to 7 to 13 to before they were born to 30 to 19 and back to 7. Britney does not do this. She writes chronologically, and for how chaotic her life story is, it paid off. She both reflects on her pain and gives narrative accounts. Frankly, it was a vibe, and I'm a sucker for memoirs so this was always going to be a highly rated read from me. #FreeBritney.  

PJO: The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan ★★★★☆

This is where my PJO reign of terror commences. At first, it was sweet and innocent. I started reading this in October, but then put it down after 40 pages to read library books. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get into the story again. I mean, I read this series when I was 12 and I'm 26 now, and very much not the target audience. Nonetheless, after binging the Britney memoir, I was back in the game and I gobbled this book up like a turkey. Can I just say I had no memory of reading more than half the stuff in this book. Like I couldn't even remember how it ended. I only recalled the main plot (stolen lightning bolt) and there being a mattress store. Crusty's Water Bed Palace turned out to be way more horrifying than I remember. And the Underworld waiting room made me feel constrained and anxious in the best way. Ugh, I loved this book.

PJO: The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan ★★★★☆

Full disclosure, TSOM was always my least favorite book in this series. I didn't remember why. I still don't. But I think it's because it's orange and the eye freaks me out. I'm a blue girlie. But this book was amazing. I read Atalanta by Jennifer Saint a while back and it made this book come to life in a new way for me. Sooo many of the characters and monsters of Atalanta made appearances in the Sea of Monsters. The part where Annabeth wants to hear the songs of the sirens and Percy has to literally jump overboard to stop her, then protect her in an underwater bubble of air had me screaming crying throwing up. I am a Percabeth shipper for LIFE.

PJO: The Titan's Curse - Rick Riordan ★★★★★

I always said The Titan's Curse was my fave in this series. It's probably because there's a horse on the cover (sort of). At this point, I am well into Project Reignite Milly's PJO Obsession. When I tell you I sprinted all the way to the Link after finishing TSOM at work, I was seriously running. I barreled through the door of my apartment, ran to my bookshelf, and grabbed TTC. I made a drinky drink (an apple cider chai) and began my descent into this book. I did not stop reading for basically an entire day. And as I reached the halfway point of November, I was actually gripping my seat because of the wild ride I was on. I was reading this while googling flights to Nevada so I could see the Hoover Dam. I want to go to the dam snack bar. And get some dam fries. And fight off a dam monster. 

PJO: The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan ★★★★☆

I'll admit that I never much cared for TBOTL either. It's because the cover is red. Again, warm tones are not my vibe, and apparently neither is being trapped. I was actually afraid to fall asleep at night when I started this book. I have literally had panic attacks from being trapped before. The whole getting lost inside an endless labyrinth is soooo not my jam nor toast. Not even my eggs or bacon. But I still had a good time rereading this. Also, the Percabeth kiss LITERALLY had me weeping and throwing my book across the room with joy. 

Girlfriend on Mars - Deborah Willis ★★☆☆☆

Let me get one thing straight, I thought this book wouldn't be. Straight, that is. I don't know why, but I had it in my head that this was going to be about lesbians on Mars as part of a reality show. I thought it would be silly and gay. Who lied to me??? WHO?? This book sucked. I'm so serious, it was trash to me. If you like My Year of Rest and Relaxation, or The Bell Jar, Girlfriend on Mars is up your alley because all this book is is two annoyingly mentally unwell people making everyone else's lives suck because they won't go to therapy. And to make it worse, they're both cishet. There were things to like about this book, like the realness of it. It was so horribly true to what I imagine would happen if some douche mcgee billionaire sent innocent stupid reality stars to outer space without the guidance of a real astronaut. Aside from that, I hated the plot holes, the characters, the inconsistent grammar, the pop culture references. I went on a walk with my girlfriend a couple days after finishing this book and I kept hearing myself say, "And another thing I hated about Girlfriend on Mars was..." I just cannot contain my distain for this book. Deborah Willis please keep your literature far away from me. 

Tell Me Everything - Minka Kelly ★★★★★

And here we are at the conclusion of November and my manic reading frenzy. Minka Kelly's memoir was the breath of fresh air I needed. It literally cured every annoyed bone in my body after the hate crime that was Girlfriend on Mars. This memoir was so good that if it was a bowl of soup I was plunging myself into it like I was shredded chicken. The prose! The dialogue! The scene setting! I swear, this narrative is so whimsical I wanted to do a little dancey dance every time I read a perfectly written paragraph. Now, I was totally expecting Minka to tell us a lot about her acting career. I am a huge Detroit: Become Human fan and hoped to hear about her time on that set. Instead, this was all about her childhood, and I ate it up anyway. Her story is devastating, heartbreaking, and yet so gripping. Memoir fans, y'all got to go get this one right now I tell you! 

I'm writing to you from my office right now, and it's about time for me to go home. I'm reading Iris Kelly Doesn't Date right now and all I can say is I'm anticipating a very high rating from this one. Definitely going to write an entire post about the Bright Falls series because my gay self is literally swooning over Ashley Herring Blake's characters. Ugh. 

Also, this a new blog and my first post! I've been active on Goodreads for a couple years and I wanted to expand my reading into blog format where I can say a bit more about my love of books. I'll be posting here on the reg, but still staying active on Goodreads!

[ericssmile]

burnt brownies || felix.l

pairing: Lee Felix x reader

warnings: uhh... almost burning the house down? And maybe some swearing? Idk; this was also kind of rushed hence why the ending is shit

genre: fluff... just a giant amount of fluff.

author: @ericssmile

word count: 2.5k

A/N: I had something else written like... halfway through this bUT GOOGLE FUCKING DOCS CRASHED AND NEVER SAVED THE DAMN THING! So if its shit and doesn't make sense... thats why. Also HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FELIX!!

༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞༞

“Dude I don’t think these measurements are right..” Chris turns to you with concern on his face, nervous laughter passing though his lips.

You laugh quietly and walk over to him. You noticed the big silver bowl that's usually used by Stray Kid’s resident baker, Felix -your boyfriend- filled with what's supposed to be a brownie batter. But in all honesty, it just looks like someone who’s lactose intolerant had literally spewed from their rear into the bowl. It was so runny.

“Oh my god Chan.” You chuckle, taking the measuring cups out of the elders hand and putting it into the bag of flour. “Whenever something doesn’t look right, if it's too dry, add more liquid. But if it’s too runny, like this batter,” You take your hand out of the flour bag, evening it out onto the cup, making sure it was the right amount and plop it into the bowl. “Just add more dry mixture to it.” You point to the bowl. “Try it now.”

Chan nods his head and starts mixing the brownie batter, a smile on his face as he notices the drastic change. It was no longer a runny mess! “It worked!” Chan exclaimed with excitement. You couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction.

Once the mixture had looked smooth enough, you and Chan had placed it into a baking tray, making sure that the baking paper was on properly beforehand. You scraped the bowl of an excess mixture and spread it evenly in the tray. The temptation to lick the spatula of the sweet, delicious mixture was very hard to ignore, but somehow you managed.

It felt weird baking with someone who wasn’t Felix. To you, it was a domestic activity that the two of you enjoyed, making memories and just having fun with it. But, since it was his birthday, you wanted to surprise him by making him his favourite treat. Putting every ounce of love that you had for that precious boy into it. And Chan was there to help of course.

“How long do we put it in the oven for?” Chan asked.

You pursed your lips and scrunched your eyebrows in thought. “I'm pretty sure it's roughly around 20 to 25 minutes.” You watch as Chan set the timer on the oven, hearing a faint ticking sound once done. “We’ll just make sure to keep an eye on it every now and then, just to be sure.” Chan nods.

It was early in the morning, and the day before had been Jisung’s birthday. Every year that Felix and Jisung had known each other, they always headed up to the top of the building and sat and watched the stars, just sharing the moment between one another. And once the clock strikes midnight on the 15th of September, Jisung and Felix hi-five one another and Jisung says “Birthday Pass.” Felix would always talk to you about it. Told you how pretty the stars were.

You always tried to be cheesy with him when he says that. Saying how the stars were pretty, but he was more beautiful than any star in the night sky. He denies it every time, but you promise him that you’re telling nothing but the truth. And it is true. He’s the most beautiful boy that you have ever met. He had eyes that held the entire galaxy in them and sparkled each and every time he talked about something that he had so much passion for; he had a smile that always brightens up the room whenever he walks into it; and his freckles. His freckles that you just love to admire and tell him everyday just how much you love them on him.

“Did you write that letter for him?” The sound of Chan’s voice brought you back to reality. It took you a second to realise what he asked but soon nodded your head at his question.

“Of course I did.” You smile bashfully. “It’s there on the table if you want to read it.” Chan smiles back, but shakes his head at your offer.

“I’m sure Lix will show me after. I want him to read it first.” You nod your head at his response, and soon yawn. Man, who would’ve thought baking could take so much energy out of you.

“Wake me when the brownies are done.”

********

The sound of the smoke alarm going off startled you awake from your power nap, almost falling off of the couch. Your heart was pounding. The kitchen was on the verge of being swarmed in smoke. “Fuck!” You cried out, running into the kitchen and towards the oven. You find the oven mits, opening the oven, your face instantly being met with too much smoke and on the verge of having a coughing fit.. “God dammit Christopher.”

You close the oven door and rip off the oven mits as soon as you place the tray down on the bench. And just as you thought. The brownies were burnt to a crisp. A sad sigh escaped past your lips. The one time you bake with someone else and it all goes to shit. Reminder to self: never bake with Chan. Ever. Again.

The sound of feet stomping filled your ears, hearing it getting louder and louder and then.. It stopped. A gasp came from the foot stomper at the sight of the smoke -that was now clearing away little by little- “The brownies! Y/N I'm sorry! I forgot!” The voice shrieked as he got closer to the now charcoaled brownies and sighed sadly. “I take full responsibility for this.” Chan says, placing his hands on his hips. “I was on my computer doing some stuff and had my headphones on.”

“It’s alright. At least we tried.” You laugh, placing a comforting hand on Chan’s shoulder.

“The hell happened here?” The sound of Felix’s voice caught you by surprise. And here you had hoped to hide the burnt brownies in time. You nervously laugh, running your hand through your hair as you try to come up with an excuse as to why the kitchen smells burnt.

Just as you come up with an excuse, Chan beats you to it. “Y/N and I wanted to surprise you with birthday brownies but uh,” he chuckles “they kinda got burnt.”

“I can see that.” Felix laughs, walking into the kitchen to get a look at the brownies just to see how burnt they were. You watched him closely. And once he got a look at the brownies, his eyes widened in shock. “Jesus, you weren’t kidding.”

“Never again am I baking.” Chan exclaims, holding his hands in the air in a surrendering motion. It was probably for the best that he stays away from anything baking. He’s good at making music. He should stick to that instead.

You sigh and walk up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and pat it in a joking manner. “You should really just stick to your day… or night job-whatever it is, just stick to music.” You bellow out a laugh as he glares at you and playfully brushes your hand off of his shoulder.

“If you’re done bullying me, I’m going to go back and finish doing what I was doing before I let the kitchen almost set on fire.” he huffs, walking out of the kitchen, soon smiling as he wishes Felix a happy birthday. Felix gives him a hug and thanks him, soon turning his full, undivided attention on to you. And the way he's looking at you is giving you all these butterflies, reminding you back when he first asked you out on a date. His smile is as bright as the sun, being the literal definition of sunshine.

He slowly walks towards you with that damn smile on his face, feeling your own smile automatically make its way onto your face. The feeling of him wrapping his arms around your waist makes you feel warm and safe. The feeling of being home.

Wrapping your arms lightly around his neck, you lean up and place a gentle kiss on his cheek where his freckles were. He giggles softly, bringing a finger to your nose and boops you.

“I was hoping to give you brownies for once on your birthday.” You pout as you run your fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. He just smiles and places a gentle kiss on your nose, this thumbs rubbing small circles on your hip; it was his way of saying he appreciated the thought.

“It’s alright beautiful. It’s the thought that counts right?’ He shrugs, fingers poking your side slightly.

You smile and nod your head. And in that moment, it felt like it was just you two. No one else. No one to intervene. Nothing to get in the way. Just you two in each others arms.

You let out a slight gasp, remembering the letter that you had written for him. He was surprised at the sound, and had to reluctantly let you out of his grasp so you could head towards the table where the said letter laid. You picked it up and smiled nervously, heading back to the birthday boy. Once in front of him, you held out your hands towards him, waiting for him to take the letter from your grasp.

He tilts his head to the side like a cute puppy, but smiles as he gladly takes the envelope from your hands. You watched as he looked down at his name, written in fine, black ink in your handwriting that he loved dearly. He traced his finger over each letter gently, embedding how you write his name into his head so he can cherish it forever.

“It’s uh, not much, but i hope you love it.” You had poured your heart out into that letter. Letting out every raw emotion that you felt towards him and how he makes you feel. How much you cherish him.

“If it’s from you, of course I’m going to love it.” He smiles as he makes his way towards the couch with you following behind him. He sat down first with a content sigh. You sat across from him, anxiously waiting for him to open the letter.

He smiles as he turns the envelope over, taking the letter out slowly so that he doesn’t ruin it somehow. Your fingers were playing with the hem of your sweater, teeth nibbling on your lip every now and then, anticipating how Felix will feel after he reads that letter.

He clears his throat as he unfolds the paper and reads:

“To my bright sunshine,

My Felix. My Yongbok. Oh how I am so thankful for this day, as it is the day where we celebrate the life of you. September 15th is my favourite day, all because you were born. I thank God everyday for the fact that he’s brought you into my life. Because without you, it wouldn't be as bright.

I look forward to every morning, waking up to see your usual “Good morning my starlight” text messages. But seeing you in person is even better because i get to stare at your beautiful face all day and admire you up close.

I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. You always know how to make me smile; my shoulder to cry on when I need to vent; my safe haven. I love that smile of yours that always brightens up every room that you walk into. You are quite literally my own personal sunshine. Always brightening up my days and motivating me to get out and do something, even if it's just for a few minutes or so. I love how much emotion your eyes show; to me they hold the entire galaxy in them. No star in the sky could compare to how beautiful those brown beauties of yours are. You are my everything and I can’t believe I get the chance to call you mine. I love everything about you, from your freckles to your tiny hands,”

“Hey!” he pouts but soon smiles after hearing you giggle.

“I’m sorry! Just keep reading please!”

He shakes his head, and huffs as he continues to read:

“I love how selfless you are; making sure to check in on me and your members. And your brownies. Don’t ever stop making those delicious, gooey treats. Your friends and I, we really do appreciate all that you do for us. When it comes to your down days, all i want to do is cover you in a blanket and cuddle you until you feel better. Seeing you sad and upset makes me sad and upset. Because you deserve all the good in the world Lix. You are one of a kind.

And Stay. Your beautiful fans. They love you so much. I can tell how much you love and appreciate them, just as much as they do for you too. I’m sure they’d be on the same boat as me when I say that no matter what you do or where you go in life, I’m always going to be right there beside you, cheering you on. Cause all I want for you is to be happy.

I love you Felix. And I will love you until the very end.

With love,

Your Starlight.”

You hear him sniffle causing you to move closer to him, bringing your thumb to his cheek and wiping away his tears. He nestles his cheek into your hand, bringing his free one that wasn’t holding onto the letter to hold onto your hand.

For the first few minutes, the two of you had sat in silence. Felix read over the letter every now and again, a soft, adoring smile on his face. God how he loved you. You were absolutely everything to him. To him, you were his guardian angel. Always there for him when he needs you most. He would drop whatever he was doing just to be by your side just like you would for him.

Bringing your hand to his lips, he places a soft kiss along your knuckles. His eyes were closed, but you knew that he was just savoring the moment. “Thank you for your beautiful words.” he whispers, opening his eyes to stare into yours. “I am going to cherish this, just like how I cherish you.” You smile at his words, leaning in to kiss his lips. You could feel him smile into the kiss as he wraps his arms around you, bringing you onto his lap just so that he could hold you close to him. Breaking away from the kiss, you lean your forehead against his, bringing a finger to his nose and booping him just like he did to you earlier.

Sometimes you don’t need extravagant gifts on your birthday. Just having someone that you love dearly is just as much a precious gift as anything. Even if they do almost burn the kitchen down making you a sweet for your birthday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

© ericssmile, 2021; please do not take or repost

[lacharcutiere]

is it enough [sawamura daichi]

1k words

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part five of i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone miniseries. you're lost, but at least you're not lost alone.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, angst // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— 28 AUGUST 2022. 12:15 EDT.

tōru helps you move your stuff back in, very excited about the fact that you have a private bedroom this year.

"i still have roommates," you point out, "and the walls are thin."

he only laughs in response and continues sorting through your clothes while you fit sheets onto your bed.

— 29 AUGUST 2022. 01:36 JST.

daichi lies awake, staring at the ceiling of tsuuka's room. she's asleep, tucked snugly into his side, breathing softly.

he thinks he's happy right now. but he can't be sure, because tsuuka's great, but she isn't you.

☾𓆙𓂻

on opposite sides of the world, at opposite hours of daylight but at the exact same moment, you and daichi lie beside wonderful lovers— wonderful people. wonderful friends. but as the seconds and minutes and months tick by, both of you grow more and more aware that it's only going to be enough for so long.

"i'm so sorry," you both whisper to the sleeping figures at your sides.

— 12 SEPTEMBER 2022. 01:08 EDT, 14:08 JST.

on another night spent alone and struggling to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning, your phone buzzes under your pillow.

you've hardly talked to him since the week you got back to the states.

☾𓆙𓂻

it's like words caught in daichi's throat, except it's just a text. words caught in his fingers, then. he wants to tell you the same, because he does. but he's sitting on the floor of tsuuka's living room, building legos with her little brother, so he feels a little guilty.

he only responds a couple hours later, once he's left, with a simple me too. but you've long been asleep since then.

— OCTOBER & NOVEMBER 2022.

the rate at which time passes seems to increase exponentially, though it has nothing to do with the shortness of daylight hours this time of year. with each passing day you find yourself feeling more and more out of place in tōru's grasp, feeling like you're slipping through his fingers and unsure whether he's even aware of it.

ironically (or perhaps not) you throw yourself into him, spending nearly every moment of free time with him, having him stay so many nights with you that he jokes you two should just get your own place. he's got extra clothes in your drawers, an extra toothbrush in the bathroom that you already share with one too many people. even his favorite coffee mug alternates between your kitchen cupboards and his.

you wonder if you're right for doing this.

— DECEMBER 2022.

daichi forgets to send you a christmas card. yours is late.

a week before his birthday—four days before christmas—he breaks up with tsuuka. he can't take it anymore. he'd always known that it was supposed to be you in the end, but he'd tried to convince himself it didn't have to be. but a week before his birthday, he realizes that it does.

tsuuka is a wonderful person. he doesn't want to stay long enough to resent her for not being someone else. anyone other than you isn't enough.

☾𓆙𓂻

your christmas card to daichi (written 24th december, received 30th december. opened as soon as it arrived, 17:42 japan standard time.)

it's only now that he realizes he didn't send you a card this year (to be fair, he didn't send anyone cards this year) and he feels terrible. he calls you immediately, and then realizes that it's the middle of the night on a weekday in new york. he's about to hang up when you answer your phone.

"hi," you say sleepily, and he smiles.

"hi." there's silence but for static on the other end of the line for a little bit, and then he says, "we broke up."

"what?"

"tsuuka."

you don't know what to say, so you just go, "why?"

he doesn't know if he wants to tell you why. to his knowledge, you're still with tōru. (he's right; you are. but you kind of figure why he ended things with tsuuka.)

finally he answers, "it just... wasn't right. i guess." and that's true. it wasn't.

"hm."

"hm."

"daichi?"

"yeah?"

"are you... doing okay? you are, right?"

he almost laughs. "'course. i'm fine. are you?"

you don't know.

"yeah," you whisper. you probably don't completely mean it.

there's a sharp intake of breath on your side of the line, and then a mumbled oh my god, and then you say, "your birthday's tomorrow!"

he smiles. "yeah, yeah, it is."

"i'll send you something. another card, and um... do you— "

"don't," he cuts you off. "just call again?"

"daichi..." and then: "okay. okay, i will."

"i'll let you go to sleep."

"yeah," you smile, "i probably should."

"good night."

"good night."

"i miss you."

"miss you, too."

☾𓆙𓂻

the line goes dead, and you lean against the wall in the hallway of your apartment. you can hear soft snoring from behind one of your roommate's doors.

fairly unsure that you'll be able to sleep, you head to the kitchen to grab yourself a glass of water, taking a sip and then just standing there, holding it and staring into space for god knows how long.

"why're you up?" says a soft voice behind you—tōru's.

"thinking," you respond, and put your glass down and let him wrap his arms around you. you hug him back.

"are you okay?"

for some reason, those words, coming from him, make your chest go tight and your lower lip tremble. "mhm."

☾𓆙𓂻

tōru knows you're not really. and he knows why you're up at this hour. he takes your hand in his and leads you back to your room, and doesn't say anything when, as your breathing evens and you fall asleep, tears dampen his t-shirt where your head lays.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

[lostatseattle]

╰ ❛   💉 — › constance zimmer.  woman.  she/her.  .  ╯ have  you  met kathryn covington yet  ?  this  forty five  old  virgo  has  been  living  in the seattle  area  for  like at least a minute.  she  makes  a  living  as  a  lawyer,  which  is best suited for their proactive,  pragmatic, guarded,  and  rude personality. symphony no. 40 in G minor, K. 550 by wolfgang amadeus mozart  is  one of  their  favorite  songs,  and  they’re  written  by charley

tw: infidelity, aristocracy

kathryn was born the sole child of adrian and beatrix covington, a disappointment after the expectation that they would have a son to carry on the covington line. she learned her place very early on and was raised primarily by an influx of nannies. she had a habit of terrorising them to the point where they'd quit after no more than a month. that was why, when she was twelve, her parents finally sent her to a private all-girls boarding school in an attempt to put her 'on the right path'. — it worked, to a certain degree. she fit in well amongst the popular clique, she got good grades, she learned what she wanted to do with her life and it aligned well enough with her parents plans that they couldn't exactly be disappointed.

when she was 20 years old, kathryn fell pregnant halfway through her undergrad. although she went through with the pregnancy after a lot of pressure from her mother, she ultimately placed the baby up got adoption. she wanted a career and she knew having a child would hinder that progress. she didn't want to sacrifice the freedom she so desperately needed. she knows nothing of where that child ended up and she doesn't want to.

she went to harvard and you will hear about it probably.

she became a lawyer, that was great, very successful. invested a lotta money in stocks, own at least 5 homes across 4 continents.

whilst working at a firm in new york, kathryn met and befriended talia moradi. they bonded over their mutual ambitions, work ethic and general attitude. over time, those feelings strayed from platonic. it wasn't a relationship as much as it was a what if. something she'd come to think about too much in the months and years after the fallout.

when a promotion was up for grabs at the firm, kathryn was a frontrunner. she was convinced she had it in the bag - until suddenly she didn't. talia had got it. and she had been sleeping with patrick vanderbilt.

kathryn ended up in a strange area between being heartbroken and blindingly furious. if it was that easy, she would have done the same thing in a heartbeat, but there was such a thing as loyalty in love. part of her regretted not saying something sooner, but the part that won was more determined at just being better than the other woman on her own volition.

she left that firm and moved on to another. it was there, a year or two later, that she met camilla vasquez. what started out as friendly competition soon turned into something else. a battle of wits that turned into an undeniably lust which eventually turned into a poorly thought out marriage. it was fun in the beginning, until they realised that they actually had to live with each other. until death do us part.

or until one catches the other screwing some executive behind the other's back.

when kathryn caught camilla with her ex-husband, daniel, she didn't ask questions. she probably should have known already, but she happened to be insanely talented at ignoring the signs in her personal life.

she had divorce papers drafted up super fast, now she's in seattle (probably has been for a while now), so let's do this THING.

basic information

full name: kathryn jane arnault covington

nickname(s): kath, kat

age: 45

date of birth: september 21st

hometown: manhattan, ny

current location: seattle, wa

orientation: lesbian

occupation: lawyer & board member

gender: ciswoman

pronouns: she/her

languages spoken: english, german, french, spanish

accent: generic american but low key over-pronounces everything so you know she’s educated

playlist : HERE

physical appearance

face claim: constance zimmer

hair color: brown

eye color: green

height: 5′5 

tattoos: -

piercings: standard lobe

clothing style: expensive

usual expression: big time resting bitch face

health

neurological conditions: there’s a lot to unpack

sleeping habits: only a few hours a night

eating habits: standard 3 meals a day

exercise habits: on occasion

emotional stability: 3

sociability: ambivert, but doesn’t have time for people

body temperature: cold-hearted, warm-handed

addictions: a little bit of a dependency issue

drug use: if it gets her clients

alcohol use: daily

personality

positive traits: -

negative traits: guarded, rude, pretention

fears: nothing

hobbies: literally working, drinking wine and nepotism

habits: bad

favourites

weather: drizzle

colour: black

music: classical

movies: doesn’t like movies

beverage: red wine

food: kale

animal: hates animals

family

father: adrian covington, 89

mother: beatrix covington (née arnault), 68

siblings: -

romantic: camilla vasquez ( ex-wife )

talia moradi ( ex-something )

children: -

other: lachlan covington ( paternal cousin)

family’s financial status: ridiculously wealthy

find her about page: HERE

WANTED CONNECTIONS

anything that causes rich people problems

the CHILD ???? (25, as in age not 25 children)

[jackandmark]

CHASE ANALYSIS: 3 Early Screenshots

Chase lives in Inglewood, LA

This notice was written 11th August

He has to leave by September, but there is no date given apart from the month

Chase is a "debtor", meaning that he owes someone money, that is why his house is being repossessed

Edit: The dates on this notice are Easter Eggs to Dark Silence. Check out this post for more details.

Someone is in the backseat right as Chase's hand hovers over the bottle of alcohol

You may immediately think it's Anti, consider the two of these characters have history, but despite wearing the same clothes as Anti, this figure neither glitches, nor has blood on his neck.

I believe this figure is Seán/Jack, Chase's comatose friend.

Jack could be a ghost, or astrol-projecting in his coma, or- what I believe- this is a filmmaking technique to show Chase's thoughts. "No, I shouldn't drink. That's not what Jack would want me to do."

Another reason I think it's Jack trying to get Chase not to drink is that the photo of the child/ren does nothing to help Chase. He screams, he isolates himself and he drinks whenever the photo is around. The photo doesn't help, but the figure in the backseat DOES! The figure appears and Chase considers staying sober for a second.

So, if it does happen to be Anti instead of Jack, then what does that say about Anti? Anti is actually helping Chase more than his kids are.... So, you can kinda see why I favour the theory that this is Jack in the backseat, not Anti.

(Although I miss Anti and he better get his sorry arse back onto our mobile screens soon!!!!)

"Don't take the kids" - Chase Brody, Bro Average

Kids, eh? I count one here.

A child and a mother?

A child and an older sibling?

I don't know at this point.

Polaroid photo. Not a photo on Facebook, not a printout. Chase had to be there to take the photo, a consented photo. This was a photo from MANY years ago, at least over 3 years ago. If it is the mother in the photo, then it was before the divorce. This child is no longer this age.

(Side note, the white shapes at the left side of the photo are my phone's homebar. Ignore them. I cropped them out of the other screenshots, but this one had all the attention of the frame on the same side, so I didn't crop it.)

Anyway, I may analyse more screenshots later in the film, but tbh most of the interesting parts in terms of mise-en-scene is at the start, the rest of the film focusing on the plot and aesthetics.

Overall though, amazing short film, interesting start to a story (sequel please!), beautifully shot, amazing score, fantastic editing, and holy shit Seán's acting! Him screaming in the car got me so hard in the feels!

Thank you so much @therealjacksepticeye! You and your team did an amazing job! You should be so fucking proud of yourself! 🥰

[finsterhund]

My roommate wanted me to pay him back for food but I reminded him that for the first half of the month I was buying him food so we're basically even and he just went "oh I guess you're right" and dropped it.

Still very anxious because financially I'm on the "just barely able to cover the next chemo treatment in two weeks provided I don't spend money on literally anything" and he's already made me buy gas. My grief counselor said this is me being exploited. I'm just too tired for any sort of conflict right now to bring it up and make a deal about it. Especially since Cazza gets physically ill when my mental health plummets. But if push comes to shove I'm getting at him if I'm down to the wire.

I think I'm getting a tax return thing a few days before the appointment. But can't be certain. It'll definitely be cutting it close.

The special edition of Paper Beast finally arrived (remember that? I ordered it before I even knew about Cazza) and I want to enjoy it, take photos, but just doesn't feel right. Other than that I have one more package in transit from before the diagnosis and I feel so bad when things arrive. At least with the present my friends sent me it was a birthday thing.

I am regretting buying epsalm salt even though it helps so much with pain. It was something I put off to save money but I foolishly thought that today's dose of the dox-whatever was going to be 50 like the last dose of it but turns out it was almost 200 and I have no clue why. It's written out differently on the receipts but on my CHOP chemo guide it's apparently the same dose amount and shit. It was right after I complained about how expensive the vincristine or whatever it's called was too. Like "you think that's bad? Look how much the doxy shit costs this time lol"

Speaking of, this is all the treatments we have left until she's scheduled to go into remission.

If my math is correct (and my math is horrible so it probably isn't) Cazza should get her last chemo appointment on October 13. The original projected time was early September but she also missed several weeks due to low white blood cell count so I think other than that it's the same.

Cazza's next appointment is in two weeks and I get paid again in four weeks. She won't have another appointment (supposedly) until after I get paid next so I only have to scrimp by for two weeks if my math is correct.

With the money I have now I can cover it, but obviously that assumes I won't be buying food so obviously donations are gonna really help me out. Cazza also needs another bag of food for herself it'll be out in a week or so.

Thank you to the anonymous person who donated the cost of her food through go fund me today. Cazza's food is now secured for another month or so even if mine is still up in the air for now.

I've been stressed about Cazza's appetite pretty much through this entire process but when they weighed her today she actually gained two pounds since the last time so I guess I'm just being an overly paranoid dad and she'll eat when she wants to.

I really should be dead tired right now but I think I slept once Cazza brought back home. Also had bath with the epsalm salt which does really help.

I need to remind myself to record Cazza licking Ope (my penguin) because it's very cute and I haven't filmed her doing that yet. I also need to attempt to record her little puppy dream noises (the "upp"s)

The heat is extremely deadly right now. Might get to fucking 40 it was 34 at one point this week. I can't even handle 10 so it's horrible. Luckily I've got a medium fan to replace the three fans of mine with the motors wearing out. It really gives my room s breeze and Cazza appreciates it too. She usually is scared of moving air but loves this fan.

Once we've rested I'll be doing another charity twitch stream. Doing casual Minecraft probably. Still need to plan an Among Us stream with friends at some point.

I really want to participate in Artfight again this year but I don't think that's doable for me due to chemo stress and heat. Kinda wish it happened in the winter instead.

I'm scared that if I go to bed Cazza will lick off her bandage and she knows how to remove a cone collar now (took her a week!) so it's like "hmmm" but I have to sleep at some point.

Shout out to packages of expired Walmart cupcakes that cost a dollar by the way. Really lucked out today when I found them.

Also don't worry about iced tea. I'm covered for now. Pain meds not so much but I do have epsalm salt which honestly I think may help more considering the meds aren't prescription.

I want to do something creative soon but don't know what. Open to suggestions.