#but it also ISNT a problem because NOW I actually know what the hell I'm doing with that vest

[ploncc]

I hated getting told "take the time to do it right the first time" and similar as catch all rules for every possible situation when I was a kid. Every answer to "how do I fix this" came down to "don't fuck it up."

Not to mention that yeah, sometimes you know how to do it right, and you have the time and your crop of spoons is luscious, and then yeah, shit tends to work better when you take the time to do things right the first time so you won't have to do them again. Sure. Why not.

But sometimes you don't have the time to do things right.

Sometimes you need to do a field patch so your problems can get sent to the (hopefully metaphorical) hospital to get a proper fix.

Sometimes you don't have the energy to keep your eyes open for more than five minutes and "doing things right" takes thrice that, at least.

And sometimes you don't know what the fuck you're doing, and there isn't a manual for what you're doing, and there isn't anyone you can ask for help, and making mistakes is the point. And when that situation comes around, trying to "do things right so you won't have to do them again" is the kind of rule that's going to make you into a fucked up little perfectionist terrified of trying anything because what if you mess up, and when that happens you're going to start missing all kinds of journeys being frozen by the fear of fucking up even though messing up is the only way you're going to figure out how to do the thing right, and is the entire fucking point.

[miiilowo]

I have seen what they say about npd on Google but may I ask you for the truth or at least stuff people don't mention cause i have a feeling there is a ton of stuff they don't mention and they just focus on bullshit

Sorry if its worded weird I just wanna learn about npd from a better source

Ill start off by saying I'm not the best source since im just some dude who has it, but I dont blame you for asking me specifically, considering how most of the results when looking into NPD are very, very plainly abelist or misinformed. Hell, even some of the non-abelist sources have some things wrong with them.

Before I begin, I wanna get this out of the way (since its very common to encounter): 'narc abuse' isnt real. No illness or disorder will make someone abusive. Abuse is a choice, and is not something one can be born into; Claiming all narcissists are inherently abusive is incredibly abelist, and if someone tells you otherwise, either kindly inform them or beat them with hammers. Everyone is capable of kindness, and everyone is capable of abuse. There is no pattern of abuse that solely correlates to people with NPD. If someone is abusive, and they also happen to have NPD, thats an abuser who has NPD, not a narcissistic abuser. You know? While a disorder may contribute to choices people make, correlation is not causation.

I will say to anyone else reading this who has used the term before, or anyone who has used 'narcissist'/'narcissistic' to describe someone who hurt them--As long as you stop, I wont be mad at you. I know that for a lot of people, it simply doesn't occur to them that it might be hurtful. However, if you know about how it can be hurtful or abelist and you CONTINUE to use it, that's where we have a real issue.

A few people have asked how to refer to me as someone who has NPD, so ill also mention that here. while i dont mind being called a narcissist personally, a lot of people do Not like being called that. generally saying people with NPD or pwNPD for short is a safer bet.

ok, now that thats out of the way, heres some stuff i have tucked in my pocket. they should give you a decent enough idea of what its like, and if you have followup questions, absolutely feel free to ask!!! i dont mind helping de-stigmatize in any way i can. i wont think its annoying i prommy

National Library Of Medicine - NPD

Stigma in the DSM when it comes to how NPD is described (keep in mind for above link) - @/kindnessoverperfection

NPD criteria rewritten by someone who has it (explanations for changes also included) - @/kindnessoverperfection

Me responding to someone who asked what they can do to help out/accommodate living w someone w NPD. <- this one covers some of my personal experiences with it

Collection of resources and an explanation of ""narc supply"" - @/theegosystem

Perception of NPD symptoms vs. how someone may actually experience them - @/kindnessoverperfection

I'm not gonna go over every single symptom and how it affects me, but I do wanna talk about envy, entitlement and narc crashes because those are the things i tend to encounter the most often that are like. Actually Bad And Disordered. some of these traits arent really that bad (like being arrogant and having a big ego. if im constantly talking about how sexy and awesome i am idk how thats a bad thing TBH i recommend it for everyone. does wonders for the mental health. there is a bad side to it [which you can find in the links above] but in my experience its less prevalent of an issue than the stuff im ab to talk about)

For me PERSONALLY, its mostly a problem with ego regulation, and the perception I have of myself is HEAVILY reliant on how other people perceive me and how much positive attention I'm getting. If someone does not like me, it is absolutely devastating, far more than it should be for the average person (though i also suffer from RSD due to my other disorders so i dont imagine thats helping)

If I dont receive enough attention, receive too much negative attention, or am led to believe I'm not actually the specialest boy on planet earth who deserves to be picked up and spun around and kissed on the forehead it can lead to whats referred to as a 'narc crash', or just a crash. Whatever we've been telling ourselves to keep our ego intact has been shattered into pieces, and we'll get rather angry and depressed, though mostly depressed. (we as in people with npd). The length of the crash usually depends on the severity of what happened, and whats being done to amend it, as far as i can tell.

Small things that may contribute to a crash For Me (or just feeling sort of upset tbh) are not being the center of attention in a group conversation, not being perceived as being the Best at something, not being prioritized by other people, not being invited to do things (even if you KNOW you dont want to participate in the activity), and PEOPLE SENDING ME ANNOYING FUCKING ANONS ON TUMBLR (not you. youre fine. this is referring to other people) among other things. Just this general sorta. thang. will get under our skin more than most. like 100% of the time. there are an infinite number of examples, but these are a handful of the most consistent ones for me.

One other thing i want to highlight is the "Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations)" symptom. This is true but the wording is absolute dogshit. I do have a sense of entitlement; I feel like I deserve certain things, and i do heavily desire favorable treatment. However, I KNOW when those things are unreasonable. I know when it's unfair, I know when it's unrealistic, I know not everyone is going to be able to comply to my demands 100% of the time, but I really feel like the focus here should be on how UPSETTING it is when these things arent met vs how it sucks for other people. When I dont receive what i feel like i deserve, i just get. really sad and upset. I personally have the self control to not snap at people (usually; depends on if the infraction was fair or not), but the phrasing here makes it seem like if the person with npd isnt an asshole about it, then they dont have this issue. which is false. i shouldnt be worked up and wanting to cry because i didnt receive an award for something i know i dont technically deserve and didnt commit to. you know?????? idk. IDK man. (its this kind of thing that makes me INCREDIBLY competitive and its also why i never enter contests of any kind. if i dont win i will want to commit murder at a minimum. i am a sore loser)

Envy is also a big problem for me. I think (know?) that other people are envious of me and look up to me, but I'm envious of other people to like, what would be a friendship-ruining level if I actually expressed it all the time. Its an underlying sense of "i deserve this more than you, why are you receiving this, this isnt fair, this should be me instead" that becomes genuinely RAGE INDUCING when half the time its just like. someone telling me theyre going on a cool trip. lmao. like they dont have to be bragging they can just be like Hey check out this thing i get to do isnt that cool :3 bc they wanna share their happiness with me. it sucks. it really sucks. Hell, when I see my mutuals and peers receive fanart for their aus/ocs/etc i get so agitated i have to use xkits "block post" feature so i dont have to look at it LMAO

I do also wanna touch on the 'believes they are special and will only associate with special people or institutions' thing briefly, since its kinda vague. I like myself, and i'm only going to want to interact with people who are also "like me", because, to put it bluntly, i perceive them as being better. people who i cannot relate to get sorta. pushed to the side. and i dont want to say i look down on them, but thats the best descriptor i have for it; obviously, be kind to everyone above all else, but inside i WILL be annoyed by you if i perceive you as being boring and/or 'basic'. probably part of why i hate taylor swift fans so much TBH

Again, this description I've given is very personal, and may not wholly apply to other people w NPD--It also doesn't cover every trait/symptom, but is just a handful that I wanted to go over. Remember to check out the linked sources if you havent, and if anyone reading this has some extra links, I'd be happy to take them!!!! If you have any questions or need clarification on something, also feel free to ask :3

Edit: I feel like its important to note that while trauma is a common way for someone to develop NPD, (neglectful or abusive parents for example), its not the only way. theres a few different ways it can develop, and i personally did due to an excessive amount of praise in childhood, which is one of the more commonly listed causes. set up my brain to need that to function

[autisticlalna]

okay. okay watching the tsmp vod has cleared up a thing i got the details confused on, so im adjusting my theorizing accordingly.

Navigator, aka "the Viking that shows up in Twitch SMP sometimes to lore all over the place", explained the spacetime thing to tRuby as "often, when there is not both of us, neither-- the other one is not the manifestation, in order to avoid... conflict of interest and problems."

(roughly. it's too late at night to do an actual proper transcription with formatting and stuff. you get me though)

either i completely missed this line or i just Forgot in the wake of everything else revealed during that stream, but if my half-awake brain is properly understanding it now:

Viking is the manifestation of space and Ruby is the manifestation of time, as established in TSMP. however, there's not always a Viking and/or a Ruby, and in those cases there's a placeholder of some sort to keep things running in their place. ive talked abt this before, i think its neat, its also raised a lot of questions in SBK but ill get to that in a sec

anyway, what Nav mentions here is that in those situations where only half of the spacetime siblings is around, they're not space or time. so, like, Dominion Viking isn't space incarnate because there's no Ruby, and also he's kind of busy being dead / it would probably be An Issue for the manifestation of space to die in an accident and then get his brain scrambled by a cursed book. on the other side of things, Chunklocked Ruby (who i am very excited to watch the vods of :D) isnt time incarnate because there's no Viking.

i think. its late at night and im having to re-process everything all over again, this is not well organized lmao

anyway, bringing it around to Skyblock Kingdoms: we know that the placeholder artifacts (clock and compass) are present, because Cherruby has them. we also know that Cherruby is from... somewhere else. we also also know that Summertime is perfectly ordinary, asides from that one time Nav swapped him over to TSMP for the worst 15 seconds of his life and he got the bajeezus scared out of him by Sapphire.

so, like. with the original understanding of how stuff worked, the theory was that Summertime also must've been from another place in order for Cherruby to have the clock and compass. but now that i'm actually able to check direct quotes, its pointing more towards Summertime is native to SBK, there just isn't a native Ruby so he didn't get to be a demigod (???). either way, "Cherruby is not supposed to be here" is very locked in, and they somehow stumbled across the clock and compass keeping SBK's reality stable in lieu of Summertime and his nonexistent sibling.

STILL RAISES QUESTIONS ON HOW THE HELL CHERRUBY GOT HERE THOUGH

[enzie-ki]

OOC || UNCANNY COUNTER S2E4 THOUGHTS

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

glad we've got another furry lady (Gelly) to replace hyang-hui

If she hurts my baby I will break her acrylics

and also her spine

Pil Kwang and Mun are really just stranger things-ing it right now and I'm all here for it

It's giving eleven vs one but better because I like this show

Ah yes the power of a promise made you stronger good

how dare that man try and shoot chairman Choi if I snatch your weave this second

Gelly please stop with the scratching

So many problems would be stopped if people used their teeth as weapons

Getting choked? Bite. Getting held down? Bite. Jeok Bong I know you're new but please just bite her

MS SO IS BACK WOOHOO AND WONG IS GONE BOY GETCHA VAMPIRE LOOKIN-AHH OUT OF HERE

(he was kinda cool though)

oh damnit I forgot about the other Chinese counters

WAHOO MS CHU AND MS SO APPRECIATION

Chairman Choi you better thank Mun for saving you from that bullet

mo tak coming in with the tango disc pop off king

MS CHU WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU

CHAIRMAN CHOI IS SIMPING REAL HARD RN

DAMN ARE THEY GOOD AT DANCE

oh no jeok-Bong are you good

my poor baby noo

GELLY YOU DESERVED THAT I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE YOUR EYE WAS GONE BUT HELL IF YOU DESERVED IT

Pil Kwang why are you naked Pil Kwang why are you naked I don't care you just got out of the bath WHY ARE YOU NAKED PIL KWANG WHY ARE YOU

excuse me what is this wet monkey looking thing

you look like you smell of bin juice and petrol

STOP CORRUPTING MY MR. MA

STOP BREATHING IN HIS FACE TOO YOU'LL GIVE HIM BLACK LUNG

oh I really hope he doesn't get possessed but I have a very bad feeling he will

JEOK BONG WHERE ARE YOU

YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE ME NOOOO

GELLY YOU FURRY BASTARD YOU SCARED HIM

NOW HE FEELS WORTHLESS ASDAGFJGKGASHKHF

HE BETTER COME BACK

I swear if its because his pores are clogged that his power stopped working or because he got punched I will cry

Jeok-Bong's dad stop comparing your son, that happened to me and it was BAD

My poor baby UnU

SEONG-SIK YOU BASTARD

HOW DARE YOU PUT MY BABY IN DANGER

LEAVE HIM ALONE

LEAVE THE DAD ALONE TOO

ayo why does this man have so much blood in his nose

AHH HIS POWER CAME BACK

HE JUST HAD TO GET GUT IN THE NOSE AGAIN

HELL YEAH GET WRECKED YOU STINKY BASTARD

GET HIM BABY WAHOO

PUT COW DUNG ON THAT MAN

MMMMM Y'ALL IN YUNG BETTER BE CHEERING

WELL DONE JEOK-BONG

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

TO ETERNAL OIL HELL WITH YOU EVIL SPIRIT

AWWW JONG-GUK ISNT MAD GOOD

WAIT HE'S 21?

I SMELL MORE BS IN THAT STATEMENT THAN JEOK-BONG DOES AT WORK GOSH DAMN

THE BIG BROTHER STATEMENT

Aww him and his dad are bonding again finally

This is so wholesome I'm going to cry

MHM UR MAKING YOUR DAD PROUD JEOK-BONG

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

No because tell me why Mun has such a good fashion sense

And Mo-Tak too

And Ha Na

All of them actually

Gelly I regret to tell you but that steak is raw

I hope you get food poisoning

STOP MAKING CONNECTIONS DAMNIT

LEAVE MR MA ALONE

NOO IT'S THE EVIL OIL DEMON THING

LEAVE HIM ALONE

YOU AND YOUR MONKEY SOUNDING VOICE BETTER SINK BACK INTO THE OIL OCEAN

Mo-Tak please relax you're like three 9 year-olds in a trench coat

KWANG AND GELLY

YOU BASTARDS

EVIL OIL DEMON STUPID

LEAVE MY MR. MA OUT OF THIS

HOW DARE THE EPISODE END THERE

[nylon-vintage]

"Hmm."

☓ ⁑ all below is /ooc

erm,, hi. i don't know how to do a 'good' introduction so uermm uh yeah lets like. do this. i do not know what the fuck i am doing. help.

this blog is run by @x-z0ne !! call me kir, please !!! cough anyways

also, heres a masterlist of most other coroika askblogs, courtesy of my mutual @/violethursday.

asks i will not accept

⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎

* anything thats like, overly sexual towards the character or just something like that in general

* please just don't be creepy ngl

* i don't really plan on building some sort of story or any plot points, so please don't try to do that for the time being

* basic criteria of shit that people don't accept on askblogs

(i might add more.)

asks i will accept, and somewhat encourage

⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎

* interactions with other askblogs. i love interacting like that, its pretty fun

* generic questions!! i love being boring!!

* more than one ask from the same person/spam asks that have no intention to be irritating. i don't actually mind this at all, i think its fun :3

* annoy the fuck out of vintage i don't care, its funny as hell

*PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! GIVE ME FEEDBACK. I WANT TO IMPROVE WITH THIS ASKBLOG SHIT. GIVE ME TIPS AND ALL THAT CRAP!!

tags i will use i think. what the hell am i doing

⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎

general asks ➡︎ '#vin - ask'

anything ooc ➡︎ '#vin - ooc'

posts with no asks attached ➡︎ '#vin - general'

replies to other askblogs i might interact with ➡︎ '#vin - reply'

might add more here later if needed!!

some side notes

⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎

* please use tone tags/indicators if it feels necessary, i suck at differing tones in messages rgrgh

* i am not expecting very much from this askblog, it's simply something i'm going to do for fun.

* let me know if i shouldn't answer asks so quickly, because i do that on my main.

* asks will probably always be open, idk why this is important enough to note, but just saying

* i am not good with different personalities. vintage might be a bit, or a lot, out of character. let me know if i fuck up badly

some info about my interpretation of vintage used in this blog

⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎⇩⬇︎

* he gets quite emotional under the mention of skull, they're exes in my headcanons

* he's a bit gay for a specific cocky spiky haired guy, but he's in denial (hes been getting bullied alot for this its kind of obvious. sorry im a chronic doublevin believer)

* he is a bit forgetful.

* vin has a bit of a problem when it comes to eating food. he'll only eat it if it's super spicy, if it isnt spicy at all or not spicy enough he refuses to consume it. water and other beverages are exceptions

* he growls sometimes. like. animalistic growling. he taught himself how to do it a long time ago and now it's just an instinct for him to do so when he gets pissed

* double egg is a salmonling in this blog!!

* vintage has three cats, (exclusively in this askblog) named nexus, leo & army. (blame the anon who gave him that cat.)

anyways, i think thats all i need to note down?? anyways yet again, this is my first askblog, i'm going in blind. this might be fun maybe!!!

☓ ⁑ buh bye..

[the-fort-official]

THE CITIZENS:

PRIME APPLES: great and powerful leader of the fort. He may not be fair, or mature, or kind, or just... But honestly who cares he is funny sometimes.

Robo-Prime: he is back from the grasp of the average arcade owner in whatever fucked up sub-multiverse the text doctors live in. And by average I mean only, apparently. Anyways, he is basically prime but with more offense and less defense. Yes, the robot can take less hits than the human. Ironic, I know

Robo apples: head of engineering, and avid hater of fazbear entertainment. His past with them is spotty at best. Also, he doesn't like pizza. Which is weird. Probably trauma...

Control Apples: head of science and with the ability to express himself as well as a cardboard cutout. He does feel emotions, he just cannot show them. At all. Something about one of those therapy beds that was a O.O.P. (Object Of Power). He also likes burning things. Like, more than most Versions.

The tank (formerly known as Fallout apples): bright green power armor, yet blends in better than some people with stealth boys. Want to try to silence a fat man? He's your guy. Also for drugs. He makes all the drugs. ex-soldier of three wars. One for Alaska. One for Vegas. One for Boston. All three for his survival. And maybe fun on that last one.

Felix (fur-merly known as Fursona apples):, Engineer, former leader of the Regrettables (both the faction and the band). He got his time in the limelight. Now he is a actual character! And with the free trauma too. Also he made a lil ring to propose with so... don't tell Will.

Looper: robotic* mercenary for hire. Hope you got the gold! Also there are hundreds of him running around because of time loop shenanigans. Some of them even canonically fuck. Do with that information what you probably won't. (*He isn't a robot, technically. It's a techno-organic virus. He still has all the bits, just robotic. Minus nose, unless it's a snapshot of him with a snout. )

Fog killer: Also known as the apple themed streamer, the apple themed mayor, and the guy with a bigger arcade than @the-arcade-doctor, he is a totally normal and sane botanist trust me bro. Ignore the vines slowly leeching all your blood that's natural. (Now available to talk to on the @evil-group-that-hates-the-fort blog :3. )

Fog survivor: He is an engineer. He solves practical problems. Also works as a medic. He used to be scared of his own shadow. Now nothing phases him. Except getting stabbed because that still hurts.

Clone 007: traumatized asshole with no sense of friendly fire. He will kill anything in his way, no matter if they are helping him or not. Also he has extreme trauma, abandoned issues, and mood swings. The last one isn't related to his past, it's related to his very DNA.

Cashew: A young creature in an old automaton. He is basically a nutcracker from lethal company with some damages. And shorter. Still taller than the average dude, but small for a nutcracker.

Zweifel: What happens when you put a teen so far in the closet he tricked himself into thinking he isnt gay, into a endless colorful hell of wacky whimsical adventures? A hatred of the circus and a fear of vr.

The Angel Of hypocrisy, Nicholai: A homophobic and transphobic douchebag who should eat shit and die. Depending on which version you meet, the name makes more or less sense. Because post time skip, he gets a trans-mask boyfriend who he loves with all his heart. Even ignoring the fact his boyfriend is a serial killer. (If I reference El Carnicero, this is who I'm referring to)

Pixel: Kleptomaniac heister with more kills from just using the environment to his advantage than with his actual weapons.

Stuffie (Formerly known as Monster Apples.): see @plushiemonstervoid I ain't repeating myself.

Satchel: living puppet made from old junk like torn towels and potato sacks. He is tall, lanky, and overall intimidating. He is also a complete pushover who literally can only attack with yarn. Normal yarn. Not exactly lethal.

Demons-Bane: a demon that kills demons. Simple as that.

Warface Apples: currently turned into an anthropomorphic raven for fuckin with... I don't remember, one of @ignisuada 's characters. Generic military dude #171. Nothing special.

Warframe apples: Sneaky, but like stealth in the Deadpool game. He has lore, I just forgot it.

Metal gear apples: god im not even going to bother trying to tie this fucker in with all the bullshit lore this game has. He is a super-soldier. He has a flamethrower. That is all thats important at this point in his non-existent lore.

More to come. Check for edits. Lore is ever-changing after all.

[loathsomespider]

to be clear this is not an attack on you and i enjoy your work. you dont even have to answer this if its too rude or presumptuous in your opinion. but i think its funny seeing your "definitively, if its the source material, they would fucking say that" post while knowing how you feel about the weaker parts of homestuck and also the uh. the epilogues. again this isnt supposed to be an epic own gotcha moment i think everyone is allowed to contain multitudes and shit. im just also a bit mischievous and part of me wants to be the little wondershowzen puppet going "But can we discuss the contradiction"

ah too bad you wanted to be a silly little gotcha puppet but i was thinking about this too! hold my hair back im forming this idea in real time so im about to start just vomiting the fuck up a bunch of half-formed ideas. (this is the second time today ive used this analogy)

the thing is that while i dont like the homestuck epilogues at all, there's no denying that it is largely, in-character, in broad strokes. it's a story which relies on every character being their worst possible self, sure. it is, in a lot of ways, a very public, very messy relapse. it gets at some really ugly parts of what the characters are, and that's just not what i want from homestuck.

it's part of a larger trend of hussie trying really hard to Make Dramatic Art and Tell Stories With A Point that i think really plays against what theyre good at, like. you see this with psycholonials too, just this idea of storytelling where nothing good ever happens and every character is not just flawed, but unbearably, noxiously toxic. and yknow, that's fine too, its literally not an invalid goal for a story to have.

its just not what i really like about homestuck and to a lesser extent problem sleuth. like, as messy as my feelings are about psycholonials, i still think fondly of zhen as a character even if she is the worst person to ever exist.

its like they took "dave being abused by bro came out of nowhere, the rooftop strifes dont really feel textually different from the other guardian strifes" all the way to heart and way overcorrected.

but all that to say, the worst possible self-hood apple hasnt fallen too far from the tree. and that's not strictly an invalid thing to tell a story about. it's just not what i want out of homestuck. and the tangible difference there, imo, is that puts the onus of not liking it on me, rather than hussie, cephiedvariable and ctset. they set out to do something, i didn't like what they did, i had an extended mental breakdown about it that i am still feeling the ramifications of even now, but at some point, the world continued to turn.

i hope you can kind of sense this feeling in bdth - while they aren't really in the running to be main characters or anything, rosebot, pesterquest rose, and candy rose are all real in burning down the house. i may be taking jane in a different direction, but that different direction is still in terms of hs2 jane. hell, tavros crocker gets a cameo in the walkaround

and yeah, this is to emphasize the contrast bdth jane against post-canon jane, but in order for that contrast to mean anything, those parts of the character have to have meaning enough to be rejected, which is the real point im getting at. it sort of drives home that i'm not just *really fucking up* at writing jane, too, which is actually more important than youd think.

ignoring the textual parts of a character you dont like because it conflicts with what you want the character to be (an image that you construct and maintain on your own, unintentionally) is a great way to wind up doing bad characterization of that character.

and yknow, sometimes that's fine! if your reach never gets beyond making an incorrect quotes blog, that doesnt matter. who give a shit. besides me, historys most notorious hater, who will seethe about a bad character take for weeks on end. (but i am the exception, not the rule)

if you're really swinging for the fences as i tend to do, at all times, even when i would be best suited not to, it just doesnt sit right to me to drop bits of a character you dont like just because you dont like it. when youre writing, its there specifically to be played with. and again, "playing with it" here still encompasses rejecting it and doing something different.

and yeah, different authors are going to focus on different parts of a character, but then youre getting out of the scope of this post tbh. but i think its worth remembering that nobody ever wants to make something bad on purpose. even intentionally making something bad on purpose is something you would want to succeed at, you dont want to fail at making something bad on purpose, etc. etc. this is stupid.

tl;dr its not actually that contradictory imo

[whumpshaped]

I have several questions for helle bc i need to know more about this for scientific reasons

Do they get multilingual panic like me when they can't think of a word in any language, or can only think of it in non-english and cant translate it for Beck or are they too confident for that?

Do they have a massive vocabulary specifically so the panic doesn't happen because they can just rephrase whatever they were gonna say? Do they use big words to confuse beck? Do they make up big words to be mean and make beck think hes dumb because helle isnt even native and yet theyre so much more proficient than him?

How good are they at translation from one language to another on he spot? (I am terrible and whenever i try to do it anyway especially around people who know me as "the language guy" I get mega embarrassed and question my validity as a multilingual person bc i stutter and uh and umm a lot and cant find the right words........)

I think in french they use my little cabbage as a term of endearment, so how many times has helle called beck an unconventional name before realising it doesn't rly work the same in english? Cabbage beck? Cabbeck??

^^^^cabbeck

And finally.... Some people can purr..... By rolling their Rs in a specific way..... So if they can do that........ If helle can roll their Rs....... Can they..... Are they...... Kibby...............

Oh wait also can they do accents. The most cursed image of them doing a southern American accent came to mind and i dont know how to feel about this but i needed to laser that image into your brain you're welcome

"I stopped panicking about it a while ago," they start off casually. "I will either rephrase it entirely, or say the word in whatever language I can think of it in. I said what I wanted to say, not my problem anymore. People can figure it out."

"My vocabulary is decent enough, I suppose, but I would not be able to confuse that boy if I tried. He might not look it– No, he does. He is extremely booksmart. His vocabulary is likely better than mine, even with all the words I have picked up over centuries, since he has an advantage on the newer slang." They stop to think for a moment. "Honestly? He confuses me sometimes." They don't seem bothered by any of this. In fact, they talk about it in the dreamiest way, like Beck being smart is something they admire a lot.

"I am fairly good at translating on the spot, but it is merely because of experience and practice. You will get there, dear."

They sigh at the nickname question. "This is not a common occurrence by any means, but I must admit... Back when I was still using him as a snack, I might have called him my little cookie once or twice. Not terribly unconventional or embarrassing, but he did look at me weird. Pretty sure he assumed I was making it up specifically to tease him. I also cannot seem to get out of this habit of calling him a mouse. Have you seen him? He is the entire reason anyone even uses mouse as a pet name. He is my little mouse."

They skip your question about purring, just to build suspense, and go straight to accents. "I can do a couple. I can do... quite a few, actually, now that you mention it... But none of them are particularly American, I'm afraid. Maybe a generic American? But give me a few weeks, I shall get back to you with the most amazing southern accent."

"As for purring... Yes, I can do that."

[homeofhousechickens]

Do you know if any new color morphs or mutations have developed in chickens comparatively recently? Like horses are constantly inventing new versions of the splash white gene every few years so I'm wondering if anything is happening similar in chickens?

There are a few things that come to mind, the problem with chickens is some color things are not very well studied and isolated yet so we cant really know for certain about some things intill more research is done but ill talk about the the things that are relatively new in the chicken sphere.

Dominant white is a pretty well studied color compared to other chicken colors likely because white leghorns are some of the most common lab chickens. In 2004 scientists discovered a new color on the dominant white locus called Dun!

It works exactly the same as the Blue gene meaning that heterozygous birds with one dose express the dun coloration but homozygous birds are much lighter and have more pigment striped which is called Khaki-just like how blue is blue with one dose and splash with two.

There is quite a few dun birds these days so it isnt like super new but 2004 is still very recent for it getting identified.

Another color was discovered on the dominant white locus called Smokey and was discovered in a non-inbred laboratory breeding line. This mutation was not caused by any retroviruses or the like and seems to have been spontaneous. This line of white leghorns was gathered from several different breeders so they also had leghorns who were not standard colors (such as blue and mottled) in the gene pool which is interesting to me.

Anyway Smokey produced a smokey color extremely similar to heterozygous Blue birds. Smokey only effects black pigment due to it being on the dominant white locus and it breeds true, birds need two copies of the gene to express it. This means you dont need to worry about splash colored birds when breeding blue. This also means that with smokey you could achieve perfect blue red colorlines who breed true, no need to have black and splash pens (so less culling) since smokeys can just produce more smokeys if you breed them together.

It is thought that Smokey exists out there in the chicken hobby but people likely mistake it for blue or a weird dun but who knows as the average chicken hobbist doesnt have lab to do molecular testing on their birds.

Dr. R. Okimoto one of the people who discovered the gene says it could take decades for the gene to be distribed throughout the chicken hobby to be a competitor to Blue and as far as i know right now this gene is only found in America. It will take a long time for this gene to establish a foot hold but im interested to see how it goes.

Another gene that has been identified by hobbyists is Dull Black, it has no symbol and is not found in scientific literature (yet). Its also known as Recessive Black. Basically it acts as an autosomal recessive and darkens and dulls the feather. Birds who are Dull Black typically do not show iridescence on any part of their feathers even the tail and hackles. Having seen some very dark but incredibly matte looking chickens before i do believe this gene exists and can be readily found. In theory this color would be the perfect color base for Dun and Khaki to act on and might produce some more even toned birds but who knows. Dull black only seems to appear on birds on the Extended Black, Birchen, and Brown bases. Some people argue that this color might actually be misidentified Smokey and others might think its a spontaneously very dark blue bird that popped on in their line one day. Unfortunately we will never really know intill it is replicated and isolated but its likely that Dull Black is some kind of melanizing gene or ever a group of genes that have a slightly different expression then what we typically see in black chickens.

Also whatever the hell Rob's super iridescent chickens got going on (The purple poultry project) i hope he is able to get his birds some testing in the future to see whats allowing the feathers to have such beautiful shine and color.

Hope you enjoyed my infodump

[trainingdummyrabbit]

Hi! I'm the one who sent in that "Tanjiro sees ghosts" AU ask, and I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on it!

[re: this post!]

!! oh hell yeah! :D ill disclaim really quick that these are less of "fun facts" or "Worldbuilding Beats" and more of "i thought abt this character in this scenario a bit too hard and now theres a mini narrative." . meaning its a little long. ofcourse. So!! under the cut <33

ok just gonna get the bias one out of the way <33 in regards to the whole "not every ghost is nice" thing, Yahaba is actually one of the ghosts that remained hostile post-death. which wouldve been a problem for Team Foxmask to deal with-- but before much can happen, everything is interrupted by one (1) very distressed susamaru, going on and on about how theyre ignoring her theyre ignoring her they cheated and now theyre ignoring her, its not fair!! trying to calm her down and figure out what the hell shes trying to say is enough of a distraction for Team Kamado to step in. yahaba originally wouldnt have listened to a word anyone had to say to him, but hearing everything from an outside perspective (and listening through how they speak to susamaru) is enough to slowly de-escalate the situation. this serves both to double down on exemplifying the shoddy hand demons are often given, and also to give the Kamado Family a bit more characterization-- to give them more agency other than "fridged family that turns up sometimes." show off where tanjirou gets his values from! anyway those two stick around a little while, mostly just keeping to each other rather than anyone else. (theyre still poking fun of tanjiro in the background. and everyone else. i shrimply believe they should get to actually become friends. :] )

the pillars have. SO many ghosts. a lot of the time, they really dont want much of anything to do with him-- not usually because they dont like him, but because they have someone to watch out for. two exceptions are masachika and kanae. masachika so very badly wants to actually get to talk to this kid, but unfortunately: Sanemi is Sanemi. he rarely gets the chance to see tanjiro, and when he Does, things are kinda. stressful. because sanemi fucking hates this kid. masachika could easily give a good entryway to hinting at sanemi's softer side-- and also a way to up the escalation of the conflict in the pillar training arc. (sanemi would Not much like this kid suddenly talking about his friend that he Shouldnt Know About.) kanae, i feel, would actually like hanging out with nezuko more than with tanjiro! he might actually not figure it out for a good chunk of time, only catching on when he hears rumors about nezuko running about in the middle of the night, seemingly playing with someone who Isnt There. she would give some good character insight on shinobu-- maybe giving some extra depth to the conversation she and tan have on the roof.

muichiro. is going to be So Weird. yuichiro is likely ridiculously clingy-- constantly watching out for his twin, completely unheard. he... doesnt like tanjiro much at all when they meet for the first time. (though... that scene where mui and tan meet is a bit... complicated. its unsettling watching mui act like that, but yui's also inherently going to side with him on anything. do Not touch him.) they dont get to talk one on one (yui+tan) but it could very easily serve to both give more of an insight on mui's... Weirdness. and also to setup those hints that yui is just. he cares so much. this also gives very very fun opportunities for talk between mui and tan as tanjiro cant get a grasp on what exactly is going on with the ghost situation (its like a weird mirror..? its not the same, but...) and muichiro is just. completely oblivious. ("hey tokito-kun, have you ever died before?" "no, that's stupid. i'm real, and ghosts aren't." [the two continue saying more and more outlandish things to each other with complete sincerity as everyone around them try not to stare.])

honestly there's just a lot of good opportunities for interesting plotlines w/ this concept-- a ghost that helps tan unravel a demon-related mystery that everyone else had trouble finding a way to unravel. the ghost ends up being a family member or dear friend from the demon's previous life who was killed when they turned-- and they just want to be able to put their soul to rest and tell them they dont blame them for what happened, despite everything. ...or even the opposite-- a ghost who misleads any slayers from their turned friend in stark denial of what is going on-- causing a sort of double-antagonistic force that requires both tanjiro And the ghost squad to properly quell.

so like!!!! yknow!!!! waves hands around! its just a really fun way to get more subtle character details across without the characters themselves saying it-- especially for the less sociable ones. yknow. Get Haunted, Idiots(tm) <33

[astranite]

vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

[kraefishh]

nintento direct thoughts

yeah so hi i deliberately stayed up until 7am on a work night in order to watch this and do not regret a thing.

-> splat3 dlc looks cool!! will i play it? no. does it look cool as hell? yeah!!! I personally don't like splat3's actual single player campaign so unless im able to access the dlc without finishing the main campaign then... im not playing it lmao. it looks cool as fuck though!! i like whatever the hell they had going on with the glitchy taz hunger looking goop that produced skeleton fish. pearl + marina lore is also a win in my book -> i dont actually have all that many thoughts about the smrpg showcase but MAN it looks cool as hell. at first i didnt like the revamped graphics but now theyre growing on me.... plus the trio attacks??? HELL YEA! i hope the remake will make me actually finish the game this time around instead of start it twice in the past three years and then quit within the first few areas (<- i say as if this isnt a normal problem i have regardless. thanks, its the adhd)

-> SaGa Emerald Beyond actually looks interesting?? like I know nothing about that game series but the character designs look very cool and i like the concept of a multiple outcome story based entirely on which character you play. do i think i'd actually play this game? no, probably not. looks cool tho

-> despite me being The pokemon nerd i have nothing to say about the new detective pikachu game. i dont like the voice they gave pikachu imo. i think thats just cause im spoiled on movie detective pikachu being ryan reynolds... i joke i kid. kinda. also i never like. actually played any detective pikachu games so i got nothing

-> WAS NOT EXPECTING A TROMBONE CHAMP PORT, TO BE QUITE HONEST

-> cool that were getting a new wario-ware!! not sure how i feel about like the.... forms? is that what theyre called?? w/e regardless im not sure how i feel about em. but its a wario-ware game so its bound to be weird but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> FUNKY KONG DIDDY KONG PAULINE RELEASE FOR MARIO KART WAS NOT ON MY LIST. SO SO HAPPY THOUGH. peachette is whatever. no idea where she came from

-> gotta say i completely forgot among us was on switch so seeing the crewmates i was like "are they making a fucking spin-off game for switch?" no. i just forgot. the fungle is a funny name though i appreciate it

AND THEN

THE LAST THING I WAS EXPECTING

A PAPER MARIO THOUSAND YEAR DOOR REMASTER.

I was laying there in bed at 7:40am and was like. oh cool one last thing before its over. its probably gonna be just another title release of something or a sneak peek on some dlc.

and then i hear the music.

THAT NOSTALGIC MUSIC THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM SEVEN YEARS OLD AGAIN

-> yeah anyway so i screamed "WHAT!?" at the (metaphorical) top of my lungs (because it was 7:40am and people were sleeping). ttyd getting a remaster is so so cool. and now that i know its possibly getting a re translation that makes me even more happy. give us trans vivian....... i also just think its very funny that ive been playing ttyd on twitch for the past. year now? (ive taken a shit ton of breaks) and theyre making a remaster?? now? not complaining im having a blast playing it with my cohost but HHADGHGAKDFJ

-> i'm mostly just excited for the remaster cause it'll hopefully bring traction back to the paper mario series. idk about like the general consensus of the fandom but like. the paper mario series has been needing a pick me up for a HOT MINUTE.

-> no i am not going to play the remaster of ttyd for stream. maybe on my own time. we'll see. i dont see the point of finishing the og only to then, like a year later, play the remaster. especially when i have a TON of games backlogged on my list since i only stream once a week. more often than not, not even that. i am planning on doing rpg tho

[handbagman]

I am here to ask about Muriel 👋👋 I need to know everything about this creature STAT

auauuaga

he was like . a water guy originally . water people from the clouds turn into clouds when theyre older he was charlies kid 🙏 he was supposed to take over cloud kingdom when he got older but then charlie and his fucked up eye dissolved half his brain and he started doing fucked up shit . mariel (still a kid) was like OH NAH and bailed . he didnt know what the ground below was like though and landed in ShitFuck Nowhere

ShitfuckNowhere was basically a watery area near a cave . mariel realizing "oh shit i am literally alone right now" started crying and due to some weird stardust bullshit (stardust causes life and everyone has a Little bit of it in them) his tears (oh yeah hes crying over a lake thing) cause the fish under him to Turn into Water people

water people that arent in the ground arent able to turn into cloud people so he accidentally just made a new type of people . his only example of leading anyone was his dad being king so he basically became the king of the water people

meanwhile charlie with his fucked up brain was like "WHERE IS MY SON :-( WHY DID HE LEAVE" and ordered sirius (oh yeah hes here LMAO (he was ordered 2 be a guard when the. Fucked up eye shit started to get bad)) to go find his ass . sirius was like "i mean. he had a good reason t--" and then charlie scared him so he went out to go find mariel .

after a While (a couple years) sirius managed to find them . meanwhile charlie was making this Lightning bolt Thing with the brain power of someone who has half a brainstem . the lightning also fucked up YOUR eyes because something something his stardust being fucked up something.

anyways when sirius found him mariel was doing pretty well 4 himself in terms of "oh hey hes not dead and theres. Other kids (water people are kids in the cloud kingdom but Not Here) as well"

sirius was like "y.yo i found your kid" and charlie was like "WOOOOOOOO OKAY GIVE HIM THIS LETTER DONT FUCKING READ IT. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER I'M WATCHING YOU WITH A DEADLY [CANNON] THAT CAN KILL YOU ANY SECOND YOU FUCK UP (/vague ref) (ref to gta v sorry)"

sirius dropped down and told a 'guard' (some water guy standing around) to hand it over to mariel . mariel got the letter and was like "huh . someone (charlie didnt say it was him) wants to meet me somewhere for an alliance. idk what a alliance is but hell yeah"

mariel went over to The alliance Spot (some hill with forest on both sides of it) and there was nobody there . he assumed he was early and just Waited longer

MEANWHILE halfbrain charlie is setting up this lightning bolt shit . hes also yelling but considering hes on the highest cloud layer nobody can hear him

he Fires his cool little bolt . problem is that having One Blurry Eye and a shitty Telescope thing and Shit Depth Perception is very good for making you miss . he fucking misses where he was trying to aim (a couple feet in front of mariel) and hits mariel right in the arm, literally killing him instantly

the lightning 1. transforms his eyes to be fucked up 2. tears his arm off 3. electrocutes and kills the fish in his body .

sirius (who was hiding in the forest!! surprise!!!!) was like "WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK" and ran over 2 mariel

Something Something even More stardust bullshit

(sirius isnt actually a cloud person hes a piece of a star person wrapped in clouds and whenever he's feeling too much of anything/doing too much his wounds start bleeding Starfuckshit)

(the lightning bolt is supposed to affect All Eyes that see it (which is why leader also got fucked up cause he saw it) but sirius is Cool and Awesome and only got shitty lightning wounds all over his body)

(he was bleeding everywhere and ran up to mariel and was Bleeding everywhere and his Star(dust) blood basically revived mariel cause it fell in his watery corpse)

sirius doesnt know hes alive again though and goes back up to where charlie is to yell at him because Holy shit he just hit his son with lightning and Why the Fuck did you think that was a good idea you JACKASS and he runs away as well .

mariel revives . wakes up to a "dream" (heehoo clouds correlate with dreams sort of so charlie can See thru his eyes and change his dreams) and mariel was like "WHERE THE FUCK AM I" and charlies like "Come back home bro" and mariels like "WHY CAN I BARELY SEE SHIT" and charlies like "take this.mirror. look"

mariel sees his eyes are like his dads . gets terrified . Immediately starts trying to take his eye out (in his dreams). the second he gets his shitty cloud eye out (from his dream) he wakes up and still scared he starts taking out the other one .

the Dream eye is the eye with the white pupil . the fuckin sans pupil 😭😭😭 dont ask me how that works i dont know either LMRAOOO his other eye (the one thats literally just a hole in his face) is just. a hole in his face

anyways blind as shit mariel is having his body actively transformed (sirius blood shit) (+ hes sort of. evaporating??? not really) and he doesnt know wtf is happening . he cant figure out where his old water 'kingdom' is so he just walks wherever he can 'see' more . he walks like that for a couple weeks before hes found by Leader (WOOOO LEADER)

leaders like "Holy shit dude r you good...." and mariels like "WHAT THE FUCK WHERE IS THAT VOICE COMING FROM"

after a bit of talking mariels like "holy shit theres other people that exist???" and leaders like "yeah lol wanna come over 2 our place you look like shit"

mariel. recuperates over at the fire village 4 a couple more weeks . doesnt eat (hasnt realized he hasnt eaten till after leader kept asking if he needed anything)

MEANWHILE charlie (after yelling at sirius and watching him leave as well) was very Sad . it took him a week to actually get up to pick up his sons body . problem is There was No Body to fucking Pick up cause his son Walked away .

even if mariel just. turned into water and was just a puddle that had no life there still shouldve been fish bones or something nearby . there was Nothing except the 1 eye he ripped out

charlies obviously like "HES ALIVE!!!!!!" . searched around the water kingdom (threatened like. all of them until he was Sure he wasnt there) and was like . "Waaaait a minute. theres MORE people around here! Im even ALLIANCED to one!!!! (the plants but theyre unneccessary atm) Lets go check on the One Other Place here!!!"

he checks the place . threatens everyone . asks leader if he knows . leader is like "nope . never heard of him . what even is water" (mariel is sleeping in leaders house, isnt even aware that his dad is over there)

charlie is like "Hm. Okay!!!!!! If you lied i Will rain on this place So Bad and Kill everyone !!! Have a good day!!! 😁😁😁😁"

(charlie already sent a nice little letter to lindens prior that was like "have you seen a water guy with COOL and NOT WEIRD eyes" and lindens response was just "nuh uh" so he didnt check)

mariel wakes up later to leader being like "Dude. Dude you need to go . Right now . i have a little Box and we are going to Ship you over to the Plant dudes cause its Very Large over there"

mariels like "wtf happened" and when he finds out hes like "Oh. Uh. Okay ☹️ will we meet again" and leaders like "Not for a while bro . you can probably visit later (in a couple months/years) though"

mariel was almost done being turned into the weird . fluffy purple thing he is so when he got in that box he basically just. his liquid goop form got hardened and he basically erupted like a fucking butterfly out of there .

mariel got out to the plant kingdom and then Immediately had the authorities called on him for bumping into too many people and being a public nuisance

(charlie found out leader lied and just Dream tortured him for a while cause he still couldnt find mariel)

the guard that has to escort him away from the public is haynes . haynes doesnt know wtf is wrong with this guy but the guy keeps trying to get out his grasp so he takes mariel all the way over to the plant castle area

lindens is like. "okay. haynes. mind explaining why you brought that here. what is it" and haynes is like "i literally dont know" meanwhile mariel is just like "PUT ME DOWN???? PUT ME DOWN???? PU"

i dont have any explanitory lore for this point but armey and amelia soon get "ordered" (asked politely by lindens) to let him live in their house for a bit until they can figure out what to do

i. have to go i cant keep writing LMFAOOO Sorry

[itsjustalark]

@seeingteacupsindragons

" I hope you don't mind me breaking that ask up into smaller chunks to respond to instead of actually answering the ask in my inbox. Sometimes people send me really long things, and then I know having it on my blog and then having to read my probably accordingly long answer is not going to happen, and I just. Feel bad about it."

Mind? Hell no. I'm honoured that you've decided to give me the time of the day at all. It is completely fine with me and thank you for letting me konw. Next time ill make sure to post on my blog and just tag you.

"Tiadane's not actually a boy; this is made clear relatively early on, and he's not picky about pronouns because his home doesn't have a good concept of things like "gender" and "lots of gendered pronouns." I tend to alternate what I use for him when not in the book, and even in the book he shrugs off a couple "she's." And there's actually not any romance in that one; Tiadane and my deuteragonist's relationship is platonically weird in that one. I don't always like writing romance, but I usually have a deuteragonist running around because I just like paired character dynamics a lot."

I'm really sorry for just asssuming Tiadane to be a guy. On the other hand I love when fantasy worlds explore cultures that dont have the same understanding of gender as us. I feel it isnt done enough and where it is atempted its never done with the enough care.

Also when I said 'relationships' I didn't mean them as explicit romantic ones. I'm a big fan of interesting dynamics and I dont believe they always have to be romantic to get me interested. There are so many ways humans interact with one another. That is whats most facinating to me.

"I'm actually not super great at worldbuilding, either. I tend to do it as little as possible and only when I need to; a lot of my current revisions are fleshing the worldbuilding out. And now that I'm focusing on, a lot of the results are good, but it's often just sort of not really the most fun focus for me. "

I'm also not an intricate world builder and cant even imagine going to the flora and fauna level of detail. My points of interest in world building is societities. How they function different from our and how they effect the people living in it accordingly. I build my worlds around my characters becaude i also feel that a fleshed out world only gives more depth to the characters.

Glad to know your world building is going well. I cant even imagine the revisions i have to make one i finish first draft as ive completely given up ingraining the magic system as part of the characters perspective and how it effects their thing cause it was gettjng to complicated. So i will now have to add all of that stuff later on.

"What I shared was actually the query; queries and synopses are different in the publishing word. Basically, my query is supposed to sell people on making it sound interesting, so I'm glad it's working for those functions for now. It still needs to be edited some more later. "

Oh I didnt know that. Still new to all the publishing jargon but always happy to learn more.

"Tiadane's book originally came from playing too much Smash Bros and staring at Pit for too many hours in a row. And then I just typed some random shit to get some words out when I was stuck revising something and not having fun, and started writing this introduction to his world."

I love how we writers get ideas from the most rediculous of senarios.

"I am a very character-focused writer and have had recurring problems with getting a plot to attach correctly over the years. I think Tiadane's book is the first time I didn't have (too) many issues with one by the time I sent to to a CP, and I'm still ripping a lot out to replace it with something better. "

I also write character focused works. Characters are why i read books. I dont reallyenjoy plot heavy books. Every aspect of plot, fleshing out the world or magic i enjoy because it makes tge characters feel more real and elps highlights the themes if the book.

"Each of my fantasy worlds (I also write sci-fi sometimes, and some stuff just...set in our world) has its own magic system. I don't know how writers just have The One for tons of stories. Large universes to play in can be fun, but so is making up new stuff every time."

Also, would you mind telling me about your magic systems? I love that stumm. It facinates me how maging systems ingrain themselves into a story. When i was first materializing my story it was set in a normal world but my mund was like: no no no this story need a magic system and an exploration of the chosen one narrative even though back then it didnt have anything to do with the main plot. But thats me cause i love over complicating thing for myself.

[menalez]

Some white radfems are so stupid and tone-deaf. (unsure if libfems do this too but in this case it was a radfem) I saw one talking about how beauty standards, which is great, excellent, go her, she had great ideas but added a bit in there saying how it affects women and girls of all races equally. I wonder if she has ever spent hours a day, every week, sobbing having a mental breakdown because of her hair type, skin color, or facial features that are painfully obviously not white.

My parents have never let me straighten my hair and it gets out of hand because it's 4b. I want to cut it all off in the moment sometimes from being upset but I spent years growing it because I would get made fun of by my white school in 6th grade. I'm a junior now and I'll still stand in the mirror crying, trying to comb out my hair that I have zero patience for and I just want to scream from anger and sadness, there is literally nothing anyone can tell me to make me love having hair this coily, thick, difficult, that gets matted so easily. I've accepted that but it makes me sick that I don't have straight hair. It looks like a breeze to combo through not to mention all the pretty styles you can do with it and how it basically always looks beautiful (to me).

I stay out of the sun at all costs. Admittedly all my friends are white and I don't understand the slightest why they would ever want to tan. I know that I have internalized racism but it feels terrible because I'm not even that dark and I'm disgusted the color because it doesn't feel like me or what I want to be. I naturally bleach my skin and I still feel gross because even if I ever did reach the shade I want to be, guess what, my features (and hair) are a dead giveaway that I'm not white. I have used literal clothespins on my nose since 8th grade so that my alar base can be cute and narrow, I see results but it's never enough. I'm never happy. It will never pass as a white girls nose. My lips are also big. but need I say anything more, kek. I legitimately can't imagine how worse it is for black girls who are actually dark skinned, or have features that arent in the slightest white looking, for lack of better word. So what the hell?

It feels as if I'm having major cognitive dissonance because I hate talking about race (I like to pretend things are fine and dandy) and Im probably what ppl call a coon because I am like a #1 white woman defender and I act white, but that one just -_-'d me. It physically pains me knowing that I cannot be white. So, come on, what-the-hell-ever if you don't address how it can affect certain races more, but claiming its all equal? Far from it.

wow, that’s terrible anon. i can understand your pain somewhat. growing up, i also hated my skin colour, my nose, and my hair :( i hope one day u learn to love those features and stop trying to change your body like this. i would also try to stay away from the sun, hoping it’d make me as white as a lot of people in bahrain are (it wouldn’t, im naturally brown anyways). i used to beg for skin bleaching and lightening products and im glad my mother was against it bc im now at a point where i like that im not white. i realise now the problem isnt with how i look, it’s with society.

you’re right tho that beauty standards aren’t the same for all women. the beauty standards affect woc in a unique way due to racism mixed with misogyny.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

ramblings of a mad man that has attempted day 46 mostly for archival purposes? Sploilers obviously. If you do read though Hiii! Thank you for doing so. I'm having so much fun playing this

Includes: Apologizing to the screen for deaths caused by my ineptitude, tembling hands, pie?, apoc bird for some god damned reason it just kinda happens??, body count at 9, my favorite child (abomination) now with 12 ego gifts total, PALE DAMAGE???, and more

It took 2 hours total because of me being nervous. I love coffee

im scared. ive just been stat and gift grinding day 41-45 for the past few hours of the game. everyone is above 100 fortitude. there is three people per department at the least currently (excluding safety and training). about 5 aleph inside my facility but it honestly isnt that bad. two sets of gear for all due to being done with disciplinary's core suppression which ive done all of them so far actually.

WHY THE HELL DID IT MAKE ME PICK TWO. WHY DID IT MAKE ME PICK TWO (soon found out why it made me pick two.) i got big bird and wall gazer. terrified to re extract so i didnt. was thinking of mem rep after just doing apoc bird for that sweet sweet beautiful gear for my favorite little agent (maxim) but decided that i should at least try the day in its enirety.

WHY IS THE DEPARTMENT SO GOD DAMN MASSIVEM FICK. WHY IS THERE 8 SLOTS!!! I DIDNT KNOW THIS!!!! I didnt get any spoilers for mechanics day 45 and onward PLEASE KEEP IT LIKE THAT. SHHH. im honestly so so SO excited. I love feeling challenged. i love feeling the despair that comes up from knowing that it isnt just simply repetition anymore to where it loops back to insane laughter and a blooming joy i havent felt in my body for ages.

... i did not account for the fact architecture team would need agents when training though

Maxim (beloved) and Mary (got the 2% gift from nothing there?? when did that happen. go off girl boss) got moved down to there. I LOVE LOB POINTS!!! RAUGHHHH

twas at this moment i realized the meltdowns were going to be facility wide again. oh god. oh YES!!!

CHRIST THE DEPARTMENT IS MASSIVE WHAT THE HELLLLL it did not go where i thought it would the hallways are so LONG and it was at this moment i also realized big bird was a clerk lover as well. yes. put big bird in the department with the LONGEST HALLWAYS KNOWN TO MAN!!!! Goodness Gracious. Doing typical works, hoping for gifts but at this point everyone is level V (except for melendez his fotitude is V though hes just on train duty (i had the fuck ass train in central since day 27)) and EX on fotitude and most other stats. the newer hires had been positioned in record and Extraction for a bit. record is just alephs. and one teth tool. Blue star, nothing there, the silent orchestra. ow. extraction is actually rather chill? the one painting tool, CENSORED (okay not chill i just dont touch it because its a pain to wait for sanity to get back up and i already got the weapon), little red, and king of greed.

white dawn with dawn WHITE DAWN!!!

WHY THE FUCK IS THERE FIXERS IN MY GOD DAMN FACILITY!!! WHO SENT MERCS ON MY ASS!!!!!

lmao nvmd aint shit

IT CAUSED THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT TO HAVE A MELTDOWN!!!!

bella. bella lobe of my life. please. please get a normal with the pink lamma. PLEASE GET A NORMAL WITH THE LAMMA. BELLA!!!!! BELLLAAA!!!!!!!!

im cooked its getting iut isnt it

YEAHHHHH BELLA SWEEP WE ARE ALL FINE

Was worried about the mirror of readjustment (?) melting down and if there was a new mechanic about it and if i NEEDED to resolve meltdowns like in binah's but nope. its fine. tools arent a problem still.

WHY IS ALL AROUND HELPER OUT? WHAT?? its nota. big problem oj its own BUT HOW!!!! ITS IN SAFETY TEAM ORDEAL SPAWNED INSIDE DISCIPLINARY!?!? almost forgot this was categorized as a core suppression so sephirah communication is down. hold on. looking at logs

??? ??? okay it looks like it was just always normal work. guys. you have attatchment over 100 or 100. why are tou getting NORMAL on ALL AROUND HELPER for REPRESSION WORK. im disappointed. not mad but just a bit disappointed. mods(agents). ban it

thinking about it. if dawn is WAW already . whats going to happen next. what level is going to happen when noons activates

just doin typical works rn. nothing special. gotta get to noon

?!?!?!??! WHO KEEPS SENDING FIXERS INTO THE COMPANY TO KILL ME. but also WAW its okay. ..... What do you mean its immune to white damage. most of central control 1 is WHITE DAMAGE DEALERS

WHY IS THER E TWO OF THEM!!!!! WHY IS THE OTHER ONE RED!!!!

HILT SHIT WHAT. OH MY GOD WHATHF holy shit . uhm. mosb is going to breach. uhhh dubbed mosb bully pair go juggle it for a bit

shit how did they die. im sorry. whatm fffffff ukckk. WHY IS VERA DEAD. oh when the white fixer goes down to pray it. does. red damage.... (my ass thought it was only white) fuckin religious ass.

WHY ARE YOU AIMING UP!! oh okay just go ahead and do a circle. uh huh. mhm. yupm just a god damn circle.

WHAT THE HELL!!! WHAT

okay MY bad it was a PIE.

shittttttt theyre dead. ahh im so sorry my ineptitude caused you all to die... .. .

. . . . Erm. okay. uhm. mosb and little red are out. AND BIG BIRD JUST NOTICED RIGHT AFTER!! christ.

mosb suppressioned. easy as FUCK dude it isnt shit. little red was also done, sent maxim over to help (has mimicry gear so red damage wasnt a problem).

errmmmmmmm game plan. kill all clerks at the start of the day via execution. i feel bad but they will die regardless so its better to get it out of the way

... oh dear.

Big bird is still out. i need to check on train and even tools like train count towards punishing bird's qliphoth going down. I KNOW I MENTIONED TO PEOPLE BEFORE THAT APOC BIRD WOULD BE GREAT. BUT NOT RIGHT NOW!!!! WE HAVE A SITUATION!!!!!

you knowbehay. days fucked anyways. here birdy birdy

ITS STARTING oh god.

didnt type for this but judgement bird egg was dealt with. it spawned in Disciplinary while punishing bird egg is inside extraction and big bird's is inside information. i moved at least one employee per hallway (save for the few like control team only having ppodae or how ever you spell it to escape or info only having fire bird to escape.) going to small bird egg since its closer

.... fuuckkkk burrowing heaven is out i got anxious about everything else i forgot. melendez im sorry . agh i need to send someone else into that hallway. no problems when it comes to meltdowns also happening but i need someone there for train specifically since out resident babysitter is deceased

RED IS ALSO OUT. BTWM AHAHAHAHAH!!! AH. A. RED IS IN EXTRACTION. AHAH. i sent maxim and Courtney (red damage dealers that cant help with the egg) over there to try and help the agent being targeted which was positioned in the hallway. i think they might die (agent targeted) but i donthave any bullets left. im sorry ahh

THEY LIVED!!! THEY LIVED!!!! OH GOOD JOB!!!! SPLENDED WORK . second problem censored had. meltdown twice in a row but the sanity wasnt healed enough to i needed to send someone else it during that scuffle

second egg down!!! no casualties on that part so far (besides burrowing heaven which also got suppressed while the rest were working on the scuffle. im not counting burrowing heaven . . .) possessed are a bit of a problem but other than that everything was covered so far and nothing else got out. yeahhhh!!! nice work so far (i say as im talking to the screen of video game pawns)

APOC BIRD DOWN!! yeah that honestly wasnt bad at all tbh. its just violet midnight but some mechanics moved around so it wasnt hard. just a lot to manage. okay it guess thay counts as 'hard' i think im looking for the word 'overwhelming'? which it hadnt been. .... okay it isnt violent midnight at that point BUT the concept of seperate stationary entities that need to be suppressed while having to dance around aspects that you cant directly attack that does damage still stands. neither are too miserable. i actually like violet midnight over amber midnight. WHEN IT ISMT HOKMA'S SUPPRESSION AND I HAVE PAUSE!!!!

forgot vincent died. sorry vincent. ermm okay hoon go up there for me please

my favorite child. my lovely abomination. i shall have to draw you later. but for now back on track I STILL HAVE WHITE DUSK AND MIDNIGHT TO DO!!!!

well good news all the clerks are dead so we dont need to have a mosb (mountain of smiling bodies), big bird, or black swam problem. bad news. uhm. everything else that happened so far. i dont think ive had an agent casualty rate this high since my first midnight. and i had done mem rep after to bring them back. suprisingly binah wasnt that bad (final successful try at least I HAD MULTIPLE WIPES BEFORE I ACRUALLY WENT IN WITH A PLAN UNDERSTANDING ALL MECHANICS) . we arent even done yet. sighhh (only five are dead so far im scared. im not even done yet. thats screwed up.)

i might continue if it goes well. +7 stats to EVERYONE is super good. greed...

i got reloads on bullets. cleeerrrkkksss pspspsp. thank you for surviving this long but you shall need to die for the good of the group. uhm. why is there more than three. WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE. THERES ANOTHER ONE??? WHATVTHEBFHEPL

fusk. dusk. good lord. i hope. i HOPE dusk is still a WAW. if its aleph i will scream in teror and then laugh maniacally in joy. probably not sane at that point but AW HELL YEAH!!?!?! okay it started. WHATBTHEBFUCK WHY ISBTHERE FOUR. four total. four. PALE DAMAGE? why are you PALE.

okay sorry locked in for that its over. four dead the panicked were recovered. big and will be bad wolf got out somehow? i think the black fixer ends up messing with the qliphoth in the hall when still alive as it also sets qliphoth meltdowns after death. so qliphoth mechanics wouldnt be too far off. i sent little red after him though so i just maneuvered the rest of my agents around that fight. happened while still supressing the other four. courtney tanked red fixer. even if she didnt do damage she still took the brunt of the attacks with mimicry so thank you courtney that was very helpful. PALE FIXER CAN JUST FUCKIN TELEPORT PKAY??? went over with white fixer when the ganf was beating the shit of of them. not good. they lived though! the only casualties at thay point was my carelessness with black fixer for one(?) and the rest came from pale fixer. sorry.... 3 dead total then. why is everything i have white damage btw. really bad. really really bad i need to fix that.

refill of bullets for midnight thank you. couldnt find it at first but the odreal (CLAW??? CLAW?????!?!?) is in central command department 2 on the top most floor. grouped everyone up before hand and then sent them in. WHY IS HE RESISTANT TO EVERYTHING. WHY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT BE ANOTHER BINAH I KNOW YOURE BOTH RELATED TO THE HEADBBIT PLEASEE!!!! DONT HAVE A SEXOND PHASE FOR AN ORDEAL THAT WOULD BE SCREWED UP!!!!?!?!

WHY IS THERE MARKERS ON MY EMPLOYEES

nvmd that was. so fucking easy? literally got stun locked after the gang just dog piled him. less than a minute. about 30 seconds on 2x speed. BUT ITS OVER!!!!!!

surprisingly good rating score. body count is at 9 but everyone did a good job. now for the story

AHGHHGEGBGKGIJMENGJGOHORJG

wow. okay. erm. glad i did the core suppressions HAHA ohhh god. that got me teary for a bit for some reason. god i love lob corp so so much