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#but it also sometimes makes me feel even more so lonely …
vesppperoro · 17 hours
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hii uhh, i had a little idea that id like to share if thats ok, it might be quite triggering tho so be warned ‼️
a sinner demon reader thats based on a teddy bear, because theyre too soft and mushy personality-wise, and they ended up in hell due to being suicidal. like their whole body is covered in stitches thats supposed to be a metaphor for sh scars
do whatever u want with that info, u can even ignore it if u like, have a nice day ❤️
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Hazbin Hotel Cast with a Teddy Bear!Sinner Reader
Includes: Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Niffty, Sir. Pentious, Cherri Bomb, Alastor.
A/N: this is such an interesting idea! I’m going based on my own experiences as someone like this, along with research. I appreciate you for trusting me with this <3 I definitely WILL make a p2!! Might write for this sinner more tbh I loved writing them!! I thought you meant a child and I wrote that I’m so sorry 😭
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Charlie Morningstar
She truly didn’t understand why you were in hell.
You are such a sweetheart! She adores you.
When you showed up to the hotel one day, without clothes and covered in stitches, she was immediately worried.
She took you in and washed you up as best as she could.
You were like a child! Why were you even here?
She was happy that you wanted to be redeemed, however.
She became a mother figure to you.
You go to her when you’re sad and you hug her frequently.
She traces your scars sometimes and you two share a silent moment together.
A silent moment of understanding.
She loves picking you up and holding you!
She hugs you like you’re an actual teddy bear.
She’s the one you go to for emotional things.
She’s good at comforting you. She somehow knows what you wanna hear at all times.
Vaggie
She became a secondary mother figure to you.
She was Charlie’s girlfriend, so of course she was.
She understood your situation and was pissed heaven casted a sweetie like you because of your lowest point.
She’s the more levelheaded one.
She’s the one who gives you advice and stuff like that. While Charlie is the more emotionally supportive one, Vaggie is the more mature and steady one.
She also traces your scars. Even if you don’t like them, she tells you you’re beautiful no matter what.
When you told her more of your story, she almost cried.
A child feeling this way broke her to pieces. Especially since you were so soft.
Other than the sad stuff, she loves cuddling you.
You, her, and Charlie sometimes have cuddle sessions with you in the middle because you’re so warm + soft + squishy.
She would kill anyone for you. You’re just so adorable!
She tries to teach you to fight but gives up when you don’t want to hurt anyone.
Angel Dust
Honestly, he saw himself in you.
A lost, scared, and lonely child. You didn’t know the cruelties of the world, aside from those cruelties in your mind.
He tries his best to comfort you. He’s not the best with words, but he’s always there for you.
He calls you sugar bear! He loves you to death.
He would go to the ends of hell for you.
He treats you like he wished to be when he was the same way.
You two share a lot of similarities, so you bond well.
He nearly cried when you told him your stitches were scars from sh.
He embraces you any time he can.
He tries to be the parental figure he needed so you can have a better life, somewhere no one would judge you.
Husk
He’s stubborn, like a dad. He acts like one too.
A hardheaded, yet sweet dad.
He’s like the father you never had. Or did have. Whichever.
He’s the bartender, so he knew how to comfort.
But when you told him your story, he almost broke.
You two definitely sing some sort of song together. Maybe Angel or Vaggie joins.
He cuddles you and hides you with his wings.
If you give him baby doe eyes, he might just take you on a flight.
Husk is SUPER protective over you. He’s very similar to Vaggie in a way when it comes to protection.
He gives you good advice but he still hides behind his tough guy exterior.
He doesn’t understand why you’re down here, even if you tell him. You’re so sweet!
Either way, he adores you.
He loves patting your head and messing with your fuzzy ears.
Might even boop your nose once or twice.
Late night talks.
He probably talked you down from trying to commit again.
Niffty
Another tiny person! Yay!
You’re not a bad boy. She may be a psycho, but she would never call you bad.
Actually, she did once and felt bad once you cried.
She likes to hang out with you since you’re both tiny!
She cuddles and hugs you like you’re her stuffed animal.
Bug killers! Even if you don’t wanna kill bugs, she’s dragging you along anyways.
She tries to hide her needle from you since Husk told her what your stitches meant.
Alastor has to babysit both of you basically.
You and her do almost everything together! You’re best friends!
She sneaks into the kitchen and grabs you both snacks so you can watch a movie.
She makes you sleep in her bed sometimes so she can cuddle you.
Sir. Pentious
He’s a dad. Or, he was.
He treats you like he wishes he treated his son before he passed.
He acts like your father. An awkward father, but he still tries.
He also protects you.
Expect him to curl his tail around you and cuddle you when you’re sad.
He literally cried when you told him your story.
He tells you anytime he can that it’s not your fault. Your stitches are still beautiful.
Best girl dad ever.
Buys you anything he wants, even if he’s broke. (Except sharp things)
He teaches you some things about inventing!
You made him a little metal flower and he was so overjoyed. He took it with him everywhere.
He still remembers you, even if he’s in Heaven now.
Cherri Bomb
Chaotic auntie energy.
She would do ANYTHING for you.
She picks you up and places you on her hip like a baby.
She loves your ears! She also adores how sweet you are.
She wouldn’t admit it, but you’re the cutest thing she’s ever seen.
Even if you tell her your story, she wouldn’t see you differently. You’re a child, a child who went through so much.
Hangouts with her and Angel are a MUST.
They try to avoid doing the normal around you and focus on fun time.
She took you with her when she had a territorial fight one time and you almost cried.
She felt so bad that she bought you anything you wanted for a week.
She did anything you wanted to do, even if Husk or someone else said no to you.
Basically, if you wanted something, you went to her.
Alastor
He’s not one to like kids, really.
He was, however, kinder to you.
He did anything to protect you.
He was like your insane uncle.
He was the one who taught you how to use your abilities. Maybe to help you, or to manipulate you when you grow.
He made you jambalaya once and it became your favorite dish to share with him!
He introduced you to radio and he was happy that you loved it.
He started bringing you to his studio whenever he did a radio show.
He took you to an overlord meeting once. That’s how you met Rosie.
He pats your head like a dog lol.
Don’t expect him to be emotionally available. But he will be there to have fun sometimes.
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mblue-art · 2 days
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i’m curious about your take on strawberry nightmare! to you, what’s he like? how does he act? what’s he all bout?
He is annoying (/aff hehe), and even more so to regular Nightmare. I tried to figure out (still am, I guess) how to put the flavor theming and '2P!' thing together, but here's what I have in my head for him ^^ (ramble warning!)
Finding out that the concept of '2P!' variants existed in UTMV too, made me happy! Usually 2P!s are inverted or flipped versions of the original character— think Fell'd or Swap'd versions in UTMV terms— so I thought:
Huh. If he's supposed to be a flipped version of Nightmare, would he have similarities with Swap!Dream? 🤔 But softer, nicer? 'cause he's also strawberry milk-themed! 🍓 flavors and aesthetics can be associated with soft, nice, sweet, cheery, and pretty...
(And sometimes, behind that pretty pink, lies red danger. While regular Nightmare clearly shows that he is a threat, S!NM hides it behind a layer of sweetness; (like a yandere— I explored yandere S!NM here), like a 'nice' character hiding their bad side—
But don't worry! Only those who are deserving of his wrath will face it. He's mean when he needs to. The simps are safe, as well as the people he cherishes! He can be a patient man. Just don't be on his bad side and you'll be a-ok! 👍(⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆
He's like... If regular NM decided to go uwu for the bit, but forever.........(/hj)
He is friendly, a flirt, flips between being all cutesy and rizzing up the simps,
nicely offers you (suspicious— he loves making people doubt LOL) pink sweets in exchange for company or simply as thanks for spending time with him
(A king can feel so lonely sometimes 😩😔 esp w/o his dear brother around... so maybe he has a massive pink house instead of a castle :] Oooh, imagine how pink and aesthetic the interior would be...),
likes messing with the original Nightmare (Ah!! NM hosting parties! Him getting invited! Yes, he'd def talk to the king of the castle but tries to be civil! This is a nice fancy party with lots of people around; he's not gonna ruin this for anyone 😤 he just wants to socialize!!)
(Yes he owns a few creative 🍓-themed suits, why wouldn't he lean towards his aesthetic 😤)
Like any Guardian of Feelings, he can manipulate/control emotions. He can pull out one's negative emotions to calm them down, and he can also make one feel nervous or any other mix of feelings in his presence, just like how his original counterpart does.
As for his role in the multiverse, I'd say he honestly just tries to have fun. Yk, jus a lil chaos. Teehee. No multiverse domination or anything, he just likes being a menace to people hehehe
An idea I thought of a few times is him hinting that he has visited Nightmare's castle (whether he actually talked to NM or not) by leaving strawberry milk (carton/bottle) in the fridge for the others to see and be confused by.
'hey guys where's my choccy milk? did any of you drink it?? it was my last box!' - 'why is there strawberry milk again... none of you drink this...' - 'who keeps getting this pink stuff'
NM eventually informs them about this visitor, and to be cautious, just... Don't drink whatever pink thing he leaves in the fridge.
I've never really thought of what S!NM's backstory would be, what him and his Dream's 'Dreamtale AU' would be, so right now, he's just... There one day (lol) with a brother that keeps? running away from him?? (His Dream is 🟦 instead of 🟨! (I saw an artist drew him as such) And while 🍓 is happy and excited, 🔵 is kinda gloomy... Interesting to see a happy Negativity Guardian and a grumpy Positivity Guardian...)
You can scroll through the #snm asks tag to read past (mostly simp) shenanigans with him, and you can also click these links for my other rambleposts about him ^^
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knyontop · 2 days
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I already requested something similar to somebody else but whatever- Could i have some creeps (maybe include Ben, Sally, Toby and Ej) with a new preteen proxy?? And the kid is obviously always tired/sleepy and somewhat depressed. Reader is also just really shy and nervous around people (ESPECIALLY PEOPLE OLDER THAN HER BECAUSE SHE OVERTHINKS AND DOESNT WANT TO MAKE A BAD IMPRESSION). And because of all this theyre really timid dont have any friends and just observes instead? (Whenever theyre alone they talk to themselves but nobody hopefully knows that <3) Theyre really intrested in others but theyre just scared and a loser. (also likes to keep things to themselves so hardly ever opens up) They only talk when being asked a question but when reader didnt understand them clearly they dont ask the other to repeat themselves but just stand like stupid literally the definition of awkward. Very isolant, overfriendly, nervous, silent and obedient. Will listen to you because they want to do a good impression. Oh youre hungry and want food? The kid will bring some snacks if you ask. (Theyre just a lonely scared kid who is trying to do their job correctly and fit in) sorry for yapping :c
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AWH DW ITS OKAY YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT AND MAKE IT PARAGRAPHS!!
Creepypasta x Child!reader
Ft: Ben drowned, Jeff the killer, sally willaims, eyeless jack, ticci toby, and our amazing, beautiful, handsome, reader.
Ben:
・as soon as he meets you he knows your an easy target for shit.
・he likes to fuck with your mind a lot.
・he sometimes feels bad about it because of how vulnerable you are, he has sadistic instincts and protective instincts about you.
・The more Ben hangs around you he starts to town down his mind games.
・he is practically your shadow.
・Ben also likes to teach you how to play games!
・Hes also starting to feel bad when he says thing like “What makes you think I care about you? Your so silly.” Because he sees how upset you get he then apologizes with a “Kid I didn’t mean it you dummy.” (Dw he means dummmy lovingly)
・he likes to think of you as his side kick.
・”Y/N, dont worry ‘bout jeff he dont mean it.”
EJ:
・when he first saw you, he knew you would be a tough case.
・sometimes he likes to spook you just a little bit.
・hes very curious about you even though your like an open book, he wants to know more about you.
・he feels bad for you because your a child, but he wont ever admit it.
・Jack sometimes lets you help him with small tasks.
・he has fatherly instincts towards you.. but also has thoughts about eating you because your like a helpless little lamb and hes the wolf. He likes his victims vulnerable.
・He does not understand his feelings about you see he pushes them to the back of his mind.
・”You want to help me? But your a child..”
・he looks down of you because hes older then you. It’s immature but he can’t control it.
toby:
・he sees himself in you and he doesn’t like thinking about the past so he tries to stay away from you.
・but it also makes him protective over you like everyone else.
・so he doesn’t hang around you, but, he protects you like his life.
・when he actually has moments where he hangs around you he starts to like you.
・like your the only person besides sally who treats him like a human.
・but that doesn’t mean he wont bully you a bit!
・Its more like teasing but like sometimes he takes it to far sometimes.
・his dark humor scares you.
・very clingy when he gets to know you.
・he asks to have sleepovers with you! (He watches you sleep)
・he takes up every opportunity to go on a mission with you.
・hes like obsessed with you at this point. (Platonically)
・he sees you as “his” Defenseless little sibling!
・”H-Hey there Y-Y-Y/N! Want to- to- go on a mission with m-me?” (He will force you if you say no)
Sally:
・Sally loves you so much!
・theres someone here age, and another girl!
・theres barely any girls!! ☹️
・loves hanging out with you and having tea partys and just everything!
・shes a sweetie<33
・she understands your anxiety around people who are older.
・she has that to.
・Sally even lets you babysit Mr. Charlie! (She will be mad at you for a bit if you hurt/lose him)
・just call her and shes there!!
・”Hey N/N!! Want to babysit Mr. Charlie?”
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NERVOUS ABOUT THIS AT FIRST BUT I LOVE IT!!
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lion-buddy · 10 months
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being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes
#ooo these tags contain complaining if u dont like that then see ya around <3#i would love to scroll through the tag without being bombarded by. awfulness. both bot and fandom posted#yknow. yknow. that is a 12 yr old#it has become!!! genuinely frustrating! it always has been#and i dont mean to complain but. man. im just disappointed#and.while kinda begin the kny mascot she is barley present in fan made content. with meaning. and its all mostly reposted art ugh.#and even official stuff has her only as little child nezuko and!! i get it its cute whatever but it feel so pandery and wrong all the time#i just poitn. that is not her that is a facet u r choosign to hyperfocus on show me the real her#and lets be honest the og stroyline isnt kind to her etiher she is nonexistent after swordsmith#i remember for a time when idid post abt her i was one of the inly consistent nezuko artists who wanted to like. put her in scenarios#and i want reiterate again that drawing cute art and gifs of her is fine it doesnt hurt anyone. i love to see it actually#but like. in a fandom as big as this youd think. youd think they like her more!!!! but no#and. the last thing i want to insinuate is “if u dont like my fav character then u suck” cus thats is not how fandom content works. at all#fandom is a experience for u to cultivate for yourself. and sometimes it just comes up short!!! i guess#it jsut felt weird being lonely in your liking of an aspect of the series where there are so many ppl. yet they all only like the hot men.#which again. u do u. nothign wrong with it. its anime afterall. it can just be frustrating sometimes.#idk! im also not very social so maybe its just my fault but. man. id love to find some other resident nezuko likers that. isnt just shippin#i feel interacting would be so much easier if my fav was like. one of the main boys like everyone else. or i made ship content or somethin#but like i said fandom is for u and u only if that makes sense. the point is to create things u want to see. which is what i do and enjoy#just with nezuko specifcally. i dotn want to put my stuff of her in the tags anymore cuz i just. dont trust the fandom with her. its weird#but also. appreciate those who did interact. i hope ur all doing alright <3 ty for talkign with me :]#i just needed to get this out cuz its. kinda why i dotn post abt kny anymore. especially the s3 fandom im sorry i just dont vibe with it </
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adore-gregor · 4 months
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I feel so lucky
#even though i often rant to complain here#i never imagined my life to be this good as it is now 🥹#i have almost everything i ever wished for#i sometimes switch between this and feeling alone like no one gets me 😅#like sometimes i feel like i should be so grateful but also that doesn't mean everything is awesome#often i feel like no one sees my struggles from the people i'm close to#because everyone always thinks things are easy for me like when it comes to university or because i appear so happy#it feels lonely sometimes but anyways#like they don't know the expectations people especially my family have for me even tho they don't say it normally sometimes it comes through#anyways i do have a lot to be grateful#i never had such a good relationship with my parents 🥺 it's not perfect but it feels so much more normal like it should be#and i have so many friends and people i get on at uni and my sports it's amazing 🥹#i never thought that would be me it's like a dream :))) i struggled so much with anxiety#i was so scared to even speak to someone a few years ago 😅#it makes the experience so pleasant i also enjoy uni <3#(altough i still think of adding something to my major to give me more options but also i think i would like it)#my grades are good no worries of failing classes anymore atm (altough i will still worry 😂)#i even get great grades with minimal effort (though this one is only partly good as it encourages laziness haha)#and i found something i'm passionate about again i love tennis sm 🫶#when i play i'm so happy and it gives me drive to become rly good at it even though it's not like i wanna become pro or sth. haha#it would be too late for that anyway lol tho ofc it'd be great but i just enjoy the challenge and seeing progress it's so rewarding 😁#and tennis with friends >>#i also like football :) and it feels like the void ski jumping left behind is finally getting filled :')#like when gregor retired i kind of lost my love for the sport and yeah it's sad but i'm glad i have sth again 🥹#also the freedom i have i could never have imagined#i could just go on a little trip with friends if i wanted to and i talked about this with a friend and i got so excited abt it 🥺😍😍#to have the possibility to just travel when i want to :))#i earned some money from (mostly summer) jobs these last years and it's great#and i can just get myself whatever i want mostly (i don't want crazy things)#and my family is much better off i guess that doesn't hurt either
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blue-rick24 · 7 months
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gosh dargn I just don't know what to do anymore 😖💔
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sonoda-oomers · 1 year
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(visibly sobbing and sniffling as i try so very hard to make the obnoxious watermark look like it could be part of the composition even though it has to be big enough for DO NOT REDISTRIBUTE AND/OR MODIFY to be readable) im a brave soldier
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monster-noises · 1 year
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#monster noises#getting emails telling me people have left a new intro for me on okc are so.. conflicting#and i should really stop checking them because i never know what to do with them#cause sometimes the person seems really cool and probably goodnto get to know and who knows maybe it would work out#but also the thinking about commiting to it makes my stomach start flip flopping for.... a few reasons#and then i feel bad for ghosting on someone#being that ass hole who doesn't reply#but also technically i'm not even On there right now anymore you just can't mute your account like you can on tinder n shit#so is it really ghosting???#idk...#but regardless I Then start to think about what the fuck Else i'm gunna do to help me meet people#if i'm not going to be able to do this#cause the answer is 'make more friends and eventually someone will also want to date you that you will also like'#but that wait time and uncertainty and my complete lack of both knowing and being able to access spaces where i could meet#and make more friends that are like.. within the range of being Gay Men and Gay Men-Adjacent Folks#starts to make the yawning lonely void of the future look... a little crushing#just a little#and then i have to back out Real fast or shit starts to break down real bad#ack.. ack ack ack#i could go on about more stuff but i'm gunna run outta space so#idk... i just.. i'm tired and I wanna find a Buddy. y'know? same note on a different octave and all that..#or a harmony. a harmony would be good also#i use to many metaphors...#anyway.. i gotta go#i start full time at work tomorrow so i gotta finish my tea and head to bed#i know it's past 9 so the thoughts don't count but they do still exsist
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hellpupp · 11 months
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Big Sad
#kicks dirt#idk how many times i can openly ask for what i need & just. not get it. before i've just gotta Stop bc it starts feeling pathetic#and potentially even bordering on emotionally manipulative.#debating the Morality of even tag-venting on my own blog bc i don't want anyone to assume this is targeted#i just feel Deeply Lonely and like i have absolutely nothing going on in my life except work#and just lowkey like.... Unseen.#sometimes i try So Fucking Hard to have a conversation with people only to have 100% of what i say completely ignored me#* in favor of a random meme.#it starts to fuck with you after a while! makes you feel Uninteresting and Foolish and Annoying#idk.#i mean i also ran out of my (Extremely Rough Withdrawal) SNRI last week so like. that isn't helping.#but it's more than that. i've been feeling like this for a while.#it just. really sucks when you move & have no irl friends. no energy to make any new ones.#and all of your long distance friends have A Lot of shit on their plates so you feel shitty and inconsiderate for even thinking of asking#for. well Anything really. let alone some of their extremely limited time & energy & attention.#like who tf am i to ask anyone#let alone people who are all Very busy and struggling w/ their own shit#for their undivided attention for a chunk of time they could be using to take care of themselves#i don't want to feel invisible anymore#but i also don't want to be a drain on the people i care about#i hate Needing things#i wish the depth of my love and devotion to the people i've chosen to care for was fulfilling enough on its own#so i'd never need to ask for things#having emotional needs is like. sooo gross & selfish of me tbh. :/' go the fuck to therapy holy shit u would Never say this abt Anyone else#anyway. watch me delete this in 5 seconds bc the need to be seen & the mortification of being Perceived can & do coexist#χ.txt
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backslashdelta · 2 years
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i just want to let you know that i love all of your klaine and kurtbastian content! meaning your fic, gifs, and drabbles. it's so great to see glee creators active in 2022 :)
This is such a sweet message, thank you so much!! It really means a lot to know that people enjoy and appreciate the things I make. Of course I do it because I love it, but the external validation always helps too 🥰
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jukeboxhound · 2 years
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When you're an actual professional in domestic violence crisis intervention and there's A Situation in the family but no one is listening because you're still the youngest and you've spent years in the role of the family's angry crazy black sheep anyway who "always makes a big deal out of nothing."
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#the irony of having been repeatedly shamed for not sharing the same familial understanding as others#but those same people not seeing an issue of continuing to text the stalker because 'they've been so kind to me and they'll go away eventua#*eventually' like GURL THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS AND ALSO WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING LOYALTY#a bitch is coming for me and mine i'm not sitting around quibbling over whether or not i'm gonna hurt her delicate feelings#oh that's right it's because any assertion of the most reasonable boundaries is considered a personal attack and escalation#/screams into the void#I LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.#hound barks#yelling on tumblr because my only other option is fb and that's where family is#have i mentioned that IT IS LITERALLY?? MY JOB??? TO HELP FOLKS DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF THING???? FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS??????#this is why professionals in ANY field should never be involved with family there is NO objectivity and too much history but also C'MON#/screams into the void some more#me texting family: that's an interesting idea i'm curious to hear more about your thoughts on what kind of impact you think blah blah#me irl: WHERE IS YOUR ANGER AND PROTECTIVENESS WHERE IS YOUR SWORD WHY DO YOU ALL ALWAYS SETTLE FOR THE BARE MINIMUM#AND SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT#well okay that takes us into the realm of what people believe they're worth but WHY HAVE NONE OF YOU EVER GOTTEN THERAPY#me in the notes of this post like OH YEAH AND ANOTHER THING -- !#🙃😅😤#i'm the lone firebender in a family of airbenders ahahahaha#i've been on a zuko-centric fic kick lately
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woosansang · 2 years
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.
#jazzy talks#delete later#hahahhahha who would have thought that avoiding going to a therapist for years would suddenly make it#extrmeley difficult for you to go back to a therapst hey#how does one even do therapy i dont remember#like hi hello nice to meet you i dont even know whats wrong with me half the time but sometimes i go mute and i think i have autism and#and ive been having a gender crisis for about three years also i want to date girls but dont want to talk to people#and i dont know if i actually had a crush on someone who lives on the other side of the world of if im just that lonely that ill make up#feelings but also every day that goes by when i dont speak to them i feel strange like not sad but i just want to talk to them#or anyone but also i dont want to talk to anyone lol how does tjat work#and i sort of hate my job but i sort of love it sometimes and im way too scared of change to move schools but i dont think#i can survive another year and a half at this school#also someone i havent seen in a few years told me yesterday that i look like ive lost weight which i have#but i drink like an australian and ive started snacking constantly again and i know that's going to reserve everything i worked so hard for#and i am self aware enough to know this yet i cant seem to stop lol#im moving out with my sister and her bf in a few months and idk if thats just going to make me realise even more how lonely i am#with my three and a half irl friends who never make the time to see me#who all tapped out of my birthday party bc they were tired or busy or whatever#when my sister and her bf want to do things without me i feel sad except thafs their relationship not mine#so instead i live on tumblr and photoshop and do badically nothing else for days in a row until the two of them want to do smth with me#im not improving in one of my dance classes and want to drop out of that class#and the dance class i teach is horible sometimes and also makes me want to stop taking them#i work at least an extra working day every single week if not more which is basivally seven days a week#and i want to use my money to travel and do things but the idea of taking that much time off work makes me feel#almost as anxious as actually going to work every day#i want to call my friends but i cant#i want to text my mutuals but i cant#i want to go to sleep but i cant stop thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow#where does the part come where you actually start living instead of just getting through the day bc its been like this for too many years#and i am just tired of it. i am so tired of it yet im going to do exactly nothing to fix it. sigh.
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be-good-to-bugs · 10 days
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i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa
#the bin#i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious#so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad#im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20#more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long#and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful#i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed#and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what#else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option#i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them#all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister#also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul#fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon#and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some#i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to#all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone#besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider#friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period#i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past#8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone#it will get better. it has to.
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blkjackalz · 9 months
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hiding in the tags and thinking abt feelings. scroll on past if you so want!
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secondbeatsongs · 1 year
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as a bi person, the bisexual flag brings me infinite joy and always puts a smile on my face, however as a person who has a Passion for Graphic Design, that undersaturated shade of purple infuriates me when it's used digitally
like, on an actual flag - which was its original purpose - it looks great!
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those look fine! lovely, even! with the semi-transparent fabric, the way it catches the sunlight, it looks beautiful!
but now look at how it looks digitally
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the pink and blue are so vibrant compared to the sad, lonely lavender!
and let's look at this statement from Michael Page, the creator of the bi flag:
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(sidenote: he created this flag in 1998, so if his takes on bisexuality is different from yours, it's okay to notice that! a lot has changed since the 90s when it comes to lived experiences and the way we describe them. but, it's also important to respect his thoughts about this and the way he presented them, even if today, we'd probably not say that bi people "blend unnoticeably into both the gay/lesbian and straight communities.")
so in pantone colors, the pink is 226 C, the blue is 286 C, and the purple of the flag is 258 C.
but...here's the deal
Michael talks here about how the key to understanding the symbolism is to know that the purple blends into both the pink and blue. and on a physical flag, I think you can see that!
but digitally, it absolutely does not blend. it clashes badly, and looks oddly separate from the other two colors.
which got me wondering...what purple do you get if you actually blend 226 C and 286 C?
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oh! oh, my god.
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look at that! look at how nicely it fits between those colors!
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look at it next to the original color scheme! look at how much more vibrant the purple is!
and friends. this is just blending through rgb! you get even more purple variations when you use other color spaces!
let's compare all of them:
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(top: original, lab. middle: lrgb, lch. bottom: rgb, hsl)
look at all of the different purple options you can get just by combining these two colors!
if you want almost too-vibrant saturation, you can go hsl, if you want something more relaxed that's closer to the original, you can go lab or lrgb. and if you want to split the difference, lch is bright and violet, while rgb is there with its saturated but darker purple.
anyway, I guess I don't really have a point here? this isn't so much an informational post as it is Me Getting Weird About Colors, but I think it is a useful lesson about how colors look very different on screens compared to how they look on objects in real life.
and sometimes, I think it's okay to compensate for that.
out of all of these, this is my favorite bi flag:
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it's the one where the colors were blended in lab color space. for me, the lighter, softer purple is close enough to the original bi flag purple, while also feeling like a smoother blend of the blue and pink
but that's just me! and it might not even look the same to you, since every screen is different, because technology is a nightmare!
anyway, thank you for coming with me on this colorful journey! I will now retreat back to inkscape and make pained sounds about inkstitch gradients until something tangible pulls me back into reality
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liinos · 1 year
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Freesia, Carnation, Alstroemeria, Cymbidium
freesia - are you still friends with the person you considered your best friend two years ago?
yeah 🫶🏻
carnation - does true love exist?
honestly idk but i think it would be nice 😭 like i think some people do just Click and i want that for me but idk if that would be considered "true love" you know
alstroemeria - dream vacation?
omg that's really hard... i don't even think i have one at this point cuz i just do Not like traveling especially with flying involved cuz it makes me feel really weird for a while + even in other countries the place i'm most comfortable in is wherever i'm staying so that kind of defeats the purpose of the vacation i guess 💀 i've always wanted to take a friend to njivice tho so I guess that? i think it would be fun to travel with a friend but i also know i'm a Menace to travel with so idk
cymbidium - sexuality?
as far as i know i'm straight
flower asks
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