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lefthandedspaghetti · 4 months

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I actually WROTE a fanfic? I haven’t done that since I was around eleven, but I did it! So…here it is (Anderperry fluff)

The autumn rain tapped lightly against the windowpane, out the window the world appeared blurred and softened, with the hues of autumn.

The radiator underneath the window hummed.

Soft, golden light spilled from the reading lamp that was attached to Neil’s bed.

it was one of those rare times, when being a student at Hellton didn’t feel quite so bad.

Neil was rehearsing lines from "A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” in his and Todd’s dorm room, Jumping on his bed like a kid on a sugar rush. every time he bounced off on the springy mattress, it would make a loud squeaking Sound.

Todd chuckled quietly, looking up from the notebook he was writing in. He tried to suppress a smile, but that was sort of hard to do when your roommate was Neil Perry.

Neil read from his script,

"Up," Neil jumped,

“and down," he repeated,

“Up," another jump,

“and down,”

He laughed,

“I will lead them up and down.

I am feared in feld and town,

Goblin, lead them up and down.

Here comes one," Neil pointed dramatically at Todd, beaming.

Todd chuckled softly, shaking his head in amusement, “Are you sure you haven't had too much coffee, Neil?"

Neil shook his head firmly, "Only a few cups, but it's alright! Come on, Todd, jump with me!"

Todd looked up at neil like he had just suggested that he Perform a cartwheel on the edge of a cliff. "I, I don't know, Neil. Jumping on the bed seems a bit... childish, doesn't it?” He glanced around sheepishly.

Neil shook his head and jumped around in a circle, "No! It seems a bit…fun! It’ll help you write a lot better, trust me.”

Todd scoffed. “How does that make any sense? Neil… thats, that’s crazy, you’re crazy.”

Neil paused mid-bounce, looking serious for a moment. “Think about it Todd, When you jump, the blood rushes to your head, right? It's like a whole ton of inspiration rushing straight to your brain! It makes sense doesn’t it?”

Todd chuckled and paused for a moment, then shook his head. "No, no, that’s not how it works.”

“Oh, come on, Todd,” Neil implored, his soft brown eyes pleading. That look made Todd completely fall apart.

"Alright, okay, fine. But just one jump, alright?" Todd said with a sigh, setting aside his notebook and sitting up from his bed. He extended a hand, letting Neil pull him to his feet atop the mattress.

The bed creaked beneath their weight, and Todd glanced nervously at Neil, who was practically vibrating with excitement.

With a timid bounce, Todd’s feet left the mattress, barely an inch of air separating him from the bed.

“There, I jumped once!” he said, smirking as he made an attempt to climb down. But Neil’s hand shot out, grabbing Todd’s hand and stopping him.

“"No, no, no,” Neil chuckled, shaking his head. "That won't cut it. You've got to really go for it. Imagine you're trying to touch the ceiling!" Neil explained. He demonstrated with an enthusiastic leap, though his fingers fell short of the ceiling by a good foot.

Todd attempted to mimic Neil’s jump. His feet left the bed in a clumsy hop. Todd looked over at Neil checking to see in he had just seen that horrible excuse for a jump. He did.

Neil grinned, trying hard not to laugh.

“Here,” Neil said, gripping Todd’s hand more firmly. He crouched slightly, then sprang up, pulling Todd along with him. The force of Neil’s jump lifted Todd higher, and a burst of laughter escaped them both.

They landed with a loud squeeak, as if the bed was yelling at them in protest, I’m waaaay to old for this kind of behavior, my springs are rusty, my mattress is sagging, and my frame creaks with every little movement, take a hint guys.

“Did you see how high we went?" Neil gasped between laughs, his eyes alight with joy.

Todd nodded, “Again?" He asked eagerly.

Neil laughed and was just about to jump again, this time even higher, when

His foot collided with Todd’s, and with a yelp, they toppled over.

Todd landed beside Neil, his cheeks blushed with exhilaration.

“Are you okay?” Neil said trying his best to sound concerned, despite the fact that he was still laughing.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Todd managed between chuckles, rubbing his side where he’d landed. “We’re gonna be in a lot of trouble if we break your bed.”

Damn straight, The bed would say if it could talk.

Neil’s giggles returned, and then the boys were laughing uncontrollably. Neil sat up, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. both of them breathless and grinning.

“Okay,” Todd said, still chuckling, “maybe, maybe that was…sort of fun.”

“Sort of?” Neil teased, nudging him playfully. “Admit it, you loved it.”

Todd rolled his eyes but couldn’t help smiling, “Alright, alright. Yes. Happy now?”

Neil beamed, “Very.”

There was a moment of silence, and their eyes met. Todd felt like a ton of butterflies decided to have a dance party in his stomach.

Neil’s expression softened, his eyes filled with a tenderness that made Todd want to cry, or smile, or just hug him and never let go.

Leaning in, Neil gently pushed Todd’s bangs back, and placed a quick kiss on his forehead. Todd blinked in surprise, and felt warmth rush to his cheeks.

As if just realizing what he had done, Neil’s eyes widened in shock. His heart pounded so hard, he could feel it in his head. "I, I…” Neil’s voice trembled, his words stumbling over each other in a rush. "Sorry, I, I didn't mean to..."

Todd reached out, gently placing his hand on Neil's cheek.

"Neil…” Todd whispered, but Neil was too caught up in his frantic apologies to hear. “Neil,” Todd repeated, louder this time, “It’s okay.”

Neil’s words faltered, his breath stopping as he stared at Todd in disbelief. Todd Leaned forward, pressing his lips softly against Neil's.

As they pulled apart, Neil felt like the room was spinning, his heart hammering in his chest. He looked at Todd,

Todd's was blushing, and his hair was all messy, he looked incredibly beautiful.

Neil's vision began to dim at the edges, as if someone had gradually turned down the brightness on the world around him, He felt an intense wave of dizziness wash over him.

"T-Todd," Neil managed to say, his voice trembling slightly. "I... I think I'm gonna faint…"

Todd chuckled at first, thinking Neil was joking, but then he noticed the panicked look in his eyes.

"Oh, Neil," Todd said softly. He reached out instinctively, placing a gentle hand on Neil's cheek. "Hey, just breathe, okay? You're okay."

Neil took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, he rested his own hand on the hand that was cupping his cheek.

Todd’s touch was grounding, anchoring him in the moment. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling the warmth of Todd's hand against his skin.

When he opened them again, Todd was still there, looking at him with a soft smile and furrowed brows.

Neil clenched his fists, and his heart swelled with joy.

"I'm... I'm okay," Neil managed to say, his voice still a bit shaky. “Probably just all the blood rushing to my head.” Neil laughed.

Just then, there was a loud knock knock knock at the door, and Cameron peeked into the room, “It’s time for dinner you guys.” He announced.

Todd nodded, then noticed that he still had his hand on Neil’s cheek, he pulled away quickly, his eyes wide.

“Oh, Okay!” Todd said a little too loud, and got up from the bed a little too quick.

Cameron eyed them suspiciously, "Uh... what's going on here, guys?"

“Nothing!” Neil exclaimed, jumping up from the bed.

Cameron lingered in the doorway, his gaze shifted from Neil to Todd and back again. After a moment of awkward silence, he asked, "Are you ... using drugs or something?”

“What? No, no of course not.” Neil insisted, shaking his hands.

“Well you better not be, That would get you expelled you know.”

"We know, Cameron. We're not doing anything like that," he assured, forcing a calmness into his voice that he didn't really feel.

Cameron’s eyes narrowed. "Alriiiiight," he said slowly, clearly unconvinced. "But dinner is ready, so hurry up."

"Yeah, we're coming," Neil replied, sounding more natural this time.

Cameron eyed them one last time, turned, and left.

Neil and Todd didn’t even realize they had been holding their breaths, until they sighed.

Todd reached out and squeezed Neil's hand, before letting go and heading for the door. Neil followed, his heart still racing but steadier now.

They walked out of the room together, side by side, and made their way to the dining hall.

End

(I have no idea if that was alright, it’s really late rn, and I can barely read so 😭 I just had that idea of Neil and Todd jumping on the bed and I really needed to write it.)

#Two little monkeys jumping on the bed #They both fell down and bumped their heads #Cameron called Nolan and Nolan said #“No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”#anderperry fanfic

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taciturnpoet · 1 year

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okay here is the promised anderperry Icarus and the Sun/Apollo post because @73647e enabled me lol

this will be mostly rambling because I love this comparison (and use it a lot) so be happy if there is even a single coherent thought in this okay? talking about this makes my brain go FAST and I went over this about a thousand times so bear with me here

When I had first started thinking about this, I had originally thought of Neil being the Sun and Todd being Icarus. But then I realized no, their dynamic shifts and actually switches roles after Todd does the poem in Keating’s class.

In the beginning, Neil is the one that draws Todd into the group and persuades him to join the poets, all while also encouraging him to be himself and speak up more. While Todd is not only falling for Neil, he’s also trying to take Neil’s advice to heart since Neil is what Todd wants to be.

Neil could befriend a brick wall if left alone with it long enough. Everyone likes him and believes that he is made for great things (though not the same great things he wants to do), and you can tell that Todd wants to get to that point himself eventually. Todd’s been told his entire life that he will never amount to anything unless he becomes this thing he doesn’t even like, and Neil is more of what he aspires to be.

Then the poem in Keating’s class happens and things change.

After the poem, Todd starts to come into himself a little more. He’s gaining confidence in himself and his work—the work he wants to do, the work he’s passionate about—and he’s joking around and talking more with the poets. (Even though this scene is deleted, and I think that’s a crime) he reads a poem out loud to them and Keating at the end of the movie without Neil there.

Now, we know why Neil isn’t there, but that’s not important yet lol

Neil has been Todd's safety net, the person that kickstarted his self-confidence growth and made him truly embrace himself in the long run. By the end of the movie, Todd can show other people his work without Neil having to be there, which is a major development from Todd in the first poets meeting too afraid to speak and always looking to Neil for guidance.

When Todd is helping Neil practice his lines on the dock—another criminally deleted scene—he’s excited. He’s teasing Neil and playing around with him and becomes what he had the potential to be at the beginning of the movie with the help of Neil and Keating.

Todd’s decided that he wanted to be his own person. He’s not going to try and live up to his parent’s expectations of him becoming a second Jeffrey, he’s going to pursue his writing and be his own person, and he appears to become so much freer after that realization. He’s embraced his passion for writing and poetry and pursues his art without hesitation, just as Neil wants to do with his acting, becoming a shining light of possibilities and potential, and most of all, freedom.

After the poem, the glimpse of Todd’s brain, and his passion, Neil almost views it as something holy. In Neil’s eyes, Todd and his freedom are something to strive for, to look up to, and hope for like it's something divine. In a way, Todd becomes a symbol of freedom and passion, a beacon of everything Neil could be and wants to be/do.

I know we as a fandom talk about this a lot, but look at the way Neil looks at Todd after the poem, the way the sun is shining on his face and lighting him up only in the way it does whenever he’s having a Moment™ with Todd. No, seriously, it does that to him both when he decides to audition for the play and after the poem, but practically nowhere else in the movie.

Insanity. Anyway.

But then, during this same time that Todd is embracing his freedom, there is Neil. Neil who is practicing and alive and passionate while preparing for the play, making plans for the future, and dreaming of pursuing this life as an actor.

["God, for the first time in my whole life, I feel completely alive!" // "Most people, if they're lucky, live about half an exciting life. If I could get the parts, I could live dozens of great lives!"]

And yet, there is another Neil. The Neil who gets confronted by his father and told to stop doing the play, to stop acting, and give up his dreams, his passions, and what he believes to be his life, all to stay stuck in the existence his father wants him in. The Neil that goes to Keating for help and cries that he’s “trapped.”

The moment Neil decides to lie to Keating and tell him that he talked to his father, the moment he chooses to continue with the play and acting despite everything that could happen is the moment he cements his place as the Icarus in their dynamic. He chooses to ignore his father’s warnings against participating in the play and does it anyways. He chooses freedom and passion over safety. Neil chooses to fly.

Neil chose to take a chance, to try and escape and join Todd on the other side of freedom and authenticity, where he could pursue his dream and become an actor. He has his moment to shine, to taste the warmth of the stage lights akin to sunlight as he brings the play to life. All the possibilities, hopes, and dreams, all within his reach in the form of a crown made of sticks and leaves in a small-town theater. He can see his friends and his teacher in the crowd and feels invincible and in his element, bigger than life.

But then comes the melting of the wax and the plummet back to earth as he sees his father’s angry face in the back of the theater, and he knows.

He knew that there was no going back now, no reversing what he’d done, the fact that he’d lied to the two most influential men in his life for just a chance to join the other side. And yet, as someone pointed it out recently (I can’t find the post right now, I’m so sorry), there is a moment when Neil comes out after the play, and he smiles at his father, an attempt to see if maybe he won’t be falling tonight. But then his father doesn’t smile back, and everything goes by in a rushed blur of a freefall.

All of the poets try and reach out to him, to talk to him and congratulate him on his way out, but the only one he looks at is Todd. Todd, who’s so excited to see him afterward, tries to talk to him and get him to come back with them, but Neil smiles sadly at him and lets himself be dragged away. He knew he couldn’t put off this fight with his father forever and decided to stop hiding from it. He’s falling and isn’t trying to stop it.

I think Neil looks at Todd the way he does before they leave because a part of him knows he’s not coming back. He doesn’t want to go, but he can’t slow it down and spends his last moments with them looking at the boy whose become his Sun.

The descent is quick after the car pulls away, and Neil cannot stand up to his father. Every moment that led to Neil’s decision to be a part of the play, to follow Todd, is in the sun's bright light. It makes sense then that he’d die at night, with death embracing him with the sound of a gunshot rather than water splashing.

Todd finds out about Neil's death after sunrise. It's gray and quiet, but the sun still rises even after he knows Neil isn't rising with it.

And he's devastated, and he's angry, and he's no longer afraid to show that. He gets mad at Cameron for blaming Keating for Neil and believing he would kill himself under any circumstances other than his father. [“That is not true, Cameron, you know that. Keating didn’t put us up to anything. Neil loved acting!”]

Then, he gets mad at Nolan, talking back to him in front of his parents in that sham of a conference and in front of Keating's class as Keating is leaving. The same Nolan Todd nearly cried in front of on his first day at Welton because he was so afraid to speak his mind, to stand up for himself.

Todd is grieving, he is angry, and he is stronger than he was at the start. While he stands on his desk for Keating in a show of support, in thanks, he is also standing on his desk in thanks to Neil. For Neil.

Neil's gone. And yet, Todd shows his strength. He stands up for the ones he loves and is thankful for while also standing in defiance for those who played a hand in Neil's end and killing their dreams. He appears to smile ever-so-slightly when Keating looks at him, and Keating must know he'll be okay.

His best friend is dead. The actor who brought a play to life and cast light everywhere he went was gone, but Todd isn't. Neil's light only reflected what Todd still had and would dedicate to Neil.

The freedom, art, and life that Todd now held were what Neil fell for, and Todd would spend his life creating in memory of the boy who fell trying to join him. Todd had to ensure that everyone would know the story of Neil Perry as much as they did Icarus. They were so similar, after all.

(this started to change halfway through, so idk if it makes sense but that’s fine. please talk to me about anything like this I get so excited about it lol)

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enpassants · 2 years

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neil perry deciding to announce his love for todd anderson by reading him a love poem he found but todd just thinks he's really admiring poetry

#based on me and my bf? perhaps #but it does work for anderperry too #neil: *says the most sappy shit while keeping direct eye contact with todd professing his love for him*#todd: *WOAH. that poem was really pretty!*#and so neil just has to accept he has to be a LOT more direct when trying to flirt with todd because he is oblivious to the max #dead poets society #dps #dps fandom #dead poets #dps memes #dead poets headcanons #dps hcs #dps headcanons #neil perry #todd anderson #neil and todd #todd and neil #anderperry

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fandomfiish · 2 years

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Some Dead Poets Society Ships HC

I say some because in the future I'll be posting separate headcanons for some ships, so here's some CHADD ‐ :)

ANDERPERRY ‐ They would go to the cave for private time: (Reading poems and when Welton gets truly suffocating they go there which the other poets do as well, occasionally their private time gets interrupted by Charlie usually in the company of Knox, sometimes Pitts and Meek would go there to work on some invention, and then Cameron when Charlie invites Knox to their room and they become a bit too much for him to focus on studying.) ‐ Todd would be the writer and Neil is the speaker, it's gotten somewhat normalized in Welton that even in other classes than Keating's the professors knew about their dynamic. Although none of them (except Keating) knew of their relationship yet. ‐ Todd always has some post-it notes of poems he found interesting to send to Neil every day, and Neil sends post-it notes of really really cheesy pickup lines that never fail to make Todd blush. KNARLIE ‐ Knox never fails to attend any rowing competition that Charlie is in, nor does Charlie fails to attend any Football competition Knox is in. ‐ If Anderperry has the Cave, Mitts has the rooftop, Knarlie has outside of Welton, the peaceful place beside the bridge it was always their place to go whenever they need an escape, since Knox always has the permission to go outside they take advantage of it. If ever outside was not available they always have Knox's room. ‐ Once there was an argument that went out of hand and Knox's punched Cameron in the face, which by the grace of gods none of them got in trouble with, but Charlie found out that the reason why he punched Cameron was that he was talking shit about Charlie, and have said the forbidden word. MITTS ‐ They've probably made a lot of inventions in their room and none would know except them. ‐ Usually, join the others in the study groups (With Meeks being the one initiating) but sometimes when they know the others will be busy they'll stay on the rooftop, just the two of them with the winds, and just gaze at the stars, one day dreaming they'll be able to arrive there themselves. A dream they'd love to make true. ‐ They made a robot dog, a prototype if you will. But it's one invention they can't show to the poets yet, not until they're sure it won't bite off Charlie's fingers when he inevitably puts it in its mouth. CARROT STICKS ‐ Due to the fact that Cameron never told them he's dating Sticks yet, the other poets would be less PDA whenever he's around, he's thankful of course, but he one day just said fuck it and went and grabbed Sticks and told them they're dating. "YOU SAID YOU WERE STRAIGHT!" "THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO SHUT UP DUMBASS" "CONGRATS MAN, HAPPY FOR YOU!" ‐ They're the scariest duo when it's Study groups, although Meeks and Pitts are the fun ones, Sticks and Cameron are the more "strict" ones, but the results of all of them passing with high grades prove to the others that fine they're alright with it. And Cameron looked really happy that Sticks is working well with the group. ‐ Sticks became an official member of the dead poets the night Cameron introduced him as his boyfriend, at the meeting in the cave. And boy was it chaotic, crazy but overall fulfilling. It was cathartic and with Cameron by his side, it just went even better. He wouldn't mind going to these meetings late at night if this is what it entails.

taglist: @inahallucination @aedan-mills @zeegy

#dead poets society #todd anderson #charlie dalton #neil perry #knox overstreet #richard cameron #steven meeks #gerard pitts #anderperry #knarlie #chadd #carrot sticks #mitts #sticks

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ameliterature · 3 years

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Good morning. (Anderperry One-shot)

Todd first smells it, something warm... eggs? Maybe it was toast... or both? His eyes were still shut but he could smell food being cooked in his dream. It didn't take much for him to hear the crackling sounds of oil that accompanied the scent of bacon. Of course, it made his mouth start to salivate.

He made a muffled moan into his bed sheets, tossing and turning in the comforter.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Neil greets him from the kitchen-dining-living-bed-room that was their small apartment.

"Mmmmorning." Todd still didn't want to open his eyes, he could sense the sunlight through his eyelids, but he didn't want to believe it was the morning already.

"Time to rise and shine, sweetie. It's a big day."

"S'that why you're cooking me eggs and bacon?" Todd smiled, finally letting the first thing he sees be Neil in his grey shirt and boxers, white socks that went up to his shin, and his brown tousled hair just parted slightly to the right side of his face like it always does.

"No, I'm cooking this for you because I love you." Neil plates the food on their 1 out of 2 plates they bought at a thrift store nearby. "AND because it's your first day as a teacher."

"Teaching-Assistant." Todd corrected him as he stretches, letting himself take up the whole bed as he does so. After a few cracks from his bones, he sits up to properly look at his fiancé.

He's glad it was morning, he could see the ring he gave Neil shine properly at just the angle he was looking at.

"Hey, buster, I know I'm your world and everything but you're gonna have to get up."

"Alright, alright!" Todd laughs, still smiling to himself. He quickly uses the bathroom to brush his teeth, hastily scrubbing every corner of his mouth. He didn't waste time rushing over to their tiny dining table to kiss Neil.

"Morning." Todd smiles, their lips still centimeters apart.

"Wow, someone's finally a morning person." Neil chuckles, putting down his newspaper. He was wearing his glasses, the usual when he reads the morning paper.

"I will be, specially since I know you'll cook for me more often."

"Sweetie, I literally cook all our meals. Just because you put a ring on my finger last night doesn't mean I haven't done this before." Neil wiggled his left ring finger.

"Well, yeah, but now I can say 'my fiancé' is cooking me breakfast- or, eventually, 'my husband' is cooking me me breakfast." Todd sits on the opposite stool chair, finally cutting into the over-easy eggs.

"Well, your fiancé would like you to start getting used to being a morning person. You finally have a reason to be one."

"Yes, yes, thank you for that reminder." Todd smiled again, watching Neil drink his coffee.

"I'm gonna have to get you a matching ring eventually, when I get my paycheck." Neil lifts up Todd's free hand. "Shame if you don't get to flaunt that you're taken at work too."

"Don't actors have to take off their rings? Or are most of them just not married."

"Well, obviously I'll take it off on nights I actually have to act but... Nothing wrong with wearing it to rehearsals right?" Neil brings up his hand into the air. "How did you know my ring size anyway? How did you get a ring my size?"

"Charlie knew a guy."

"Ah... of course." Neil grins, nodding at the simplicity of the answer.

"Yep, and he says we're gonna have to fight over him for best man."

Neil laughs to himself- at the idea of Charlie finding out about Todd wanting to propose to him only to then pitch in his role as a best man immediately. Sounds like Charlie, alright.

Eventually Todd does get dressed for first day as a teacher. Well- at least an assistant teacher, Todd likes to remind them, but it's a good side job while he worked on his novels. Neil, though he was the morning person between the two of them, wasn't needed at work until the afternoon, so he cherished mornings when Todd was finally up early.

If you asked why Neil was a morning person, he'd say he wasn't always one. He became a morning person when he was 17 years of age, when the best things about waking up early in the morning was letting Todd Anderson be the first person he saw.

Taglist:

@maisietheweltoncow @anderperrytheplatypus @cupiiid @andersonsdeskset @sweetnessbythesea @she-nuwanda

#anderperry #anderperry fic #anderperry fanfic #anderperry one shot #morning #UEHGUEHUGEHG #I LIKED THIS ONE

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thed3adpoet · 3 years

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so, my friend @propaganda-for-poets did this dps playlist with time accurate songs and i decided to do a headcanon for each of them.

Lonesome Town: Pitts and Meeks are slow dancing in the cave and Todd is sitting in the back, crying while he thinks about Neil.

I Wanna Walk you Home: Knox is singing this for Chris when she get out of school, she's laughing and he's making funny faces.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?: Charlie is packing his things after being expeld, he looks at Cameron side of the room, his eyes tear up a bit, but he tries to ignore. Cameron comes into the room after Charlie left, he sits in the bed and just stares at Charlie's bed.

Everybody is Somebody's: Charlie tell's Neil he kissed Cameron, Neil pretend to be heartbroken "you cheated on me? i can't belive it", and Charlie laughs so hard because it's been a while since Neil was so playfull.

You Talk Too Much: Charlie arguing with Cameron, again. Cameron said something about his parents friend being a doctor, and Charlie was done with it "you don't even know the guy, stop talking like he's such an inspiration". He's jealous.

This Magic Moment: Anderperry first kiss. They're is their room, Todd was giving Neil heart eyes when Neil was rehersing for the play. Suddenly, he got up and kissed Neil, but he got so anxious that he tried to pretend it didn't happened, but Neil hold his hand and kiss him again.

Poetry in Motion: Knox is writing Chris a poem, the poets see it and make fun of him, but later Todd goes to his room to ask if he needs help, and Knox start to praise Chris while Todd laughs softly.

Walking to New Orleans: Neil is getting ready to go to the theater to the first rehalsal, and Charlie jokes that Neil is abandoning them to be an actor, and that the next thing he'll do is run away to New York.

Paper Roses: Cameron is feeling so bad about what he did, but what's hurting more is the way Charlie reacted, how quickly he turned on him, and he cries. Alone, without friends and without his boyfriend.

('Til) I Kissed You: Meeks is doing his homework, Pitts is working on the radio. They're being akward because they just had their first kiss, Meeks is still red in the face. Pitts turn to Meeks and confess all his feelings, he's fidgeting and being so cute, and Meeks can't resist, so they kiss again.

Come Softly to Me: Neil and Todd sneaked out to watch the sunrise, they're almost sleeping, is the begining of spring so it's still a bit cold, Todd shiver a bit, when Neil realise he put his arm across Todd's shoulder, and they stay like that until the sun rises completely.

Among My Souvenirs: After Neil's death, Todd realises he doesn't own almost anything to remind him of Neil, the only thing he has is a copy of the Midsummer Night's Dream script, that he got before Mr. Perry had Neil's things taken out of their room. The script is all annotaded, little ideas on the lines, entrance markings, but something caught his eye. On Puck's final monologue there's written "i can't wait for Todd see this".

What in The World's Come Over You: Cameron is an adult, he's a doctor, he has a family, a house, the embodiment of the american dream. But sometimes, in secret, he takes Welton's Yearbook out of the shelf, and he traces Charlie face, and he remember.

The Old Lamplighter: Is the first time the poets have a reunion in years, and they try to read poetry, they try to talk about their lives, but all that they can talk about is Neil. They share stories about him, they imagine how he would be if he was with them, and it's like they can feel his presence.

Dream Lover: Pitts is pining for Meeks, he love him so much, but he can't say. He just stares and hope that Meeks somehow guess that he likes him.

Let's Have a Party: Pitts and Meeks managed to take the radio to the cave, and the boys rejoice in it. They dance, they sing, they have so much fun, laughing their asses off when someone does a silly dance, is the perfect night.

Save the Last Dance for Me: Pitts and Meeks are dancing in their dormroom, they hold hands, they trip on their own foots and they're having so much fun.

So This is Love: Neil is looking at Todd reading, they're in their room, then Todd looks at Neil and smile "what are you looking at?" he ask, Neil says "Nothing" then gets back at studying his script.

Primrose Lane: Knox getting ready to a date with Chris, the boys are with him making fun of him, but he's just smiling while the song plays softly on the background. In the end, when Knox is getting out, the poets are all taking turns cheking him to see if everything is perfect.

Poison Ivy: Charlie is on the showers playing flirting with the other boys, he rises his eyebrowns, flex his muscles and everything.

It's Late: Cameron and Meeks are trying to convince the boys to go to sleep after a dps meeting, they're exasperated because the boys just can't get themselves to go back at Welton. Eventually they give up, and only then the others decide to get back.

Only You (And You Alone): Cameron had a nightmare, and Charlie wakes him up with kisses and soft touches, they get back to sleep in the same bed, cuddling, after a whispered conversation that lulled them to sleep.

Loving You: The radio is playing in the cave, Charlie is singing, using the god of the cave as a mic, he serenates for all of the boys while they laugh at his antics, but Cameron is flustered and pretending he's hating every second

#@propaganda-for-poets #dead poets society #charlie dalton #richard cameron #todd anderson #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #steven meeks #dead poets playlist #dead poets headcanons #anderperry #chris noel #chameron #mitts #Spotify #i didn't did all of the songs but who cares #sorry for any typos

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backseatloversz · 3 years

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hmmm. a very vaguely the invention of love-esque anderperry au. neil falls head over heels for todd in the first few months they know each other, but never brings it up and they fall out of touch either when he gets pulled out of welton or after they graduate together and go off to different colleges. they see each other for the first time in years at a class reunion and todd's the one who notices neil seems Off and casually says theyre gonna go outside and catch up alone.

they end up at the roof they stood at on todds birthday all those years ago. todd tries to make small talk about their adult lives, casually mentions he's got a wife and kid now, a nice job he likes. basically the ideal white picket fence life and neil can't help but think, he's so different. he started a family. he's got a job writing and he doesn't seem as anxious, nowhere near the kid neil was best friends with -- in love with -- when they were teenagers. and he feels like he hasn't changed at all. he tells todd he's still/gotten back into acting. too busy with that to settle down, really. a white lie. a lapse of silence. todd's always been the best at telling when neil lies. when he's not okay, when somethings the matter. he's still got that, apparently. it's not fair that he's still got that.

were you sweet on me? is what he asks. what? / back in high school, were you sweet on me? neil's heart stops. why would you ask that, what does it matter -- but todd's always been able to read him well. he knows this is a resounding yes. (yes, of course i was in love with you. im pretty sure i still am.) dammit -- they might argue about it. they might just go quiet, hands shoved in pockets, staring at the dark, until one says they have to leave. todd's wife - neil learns the name of todd's wife. his wife and his daughter. she probably needs help with my girl. he smiles, almost apologetic, catches himself before saying what neil's sure would be, you know how it is. neil nods and says something about a flight to catch, work in the morning. they go back inside to say goodbyes to everyone else, and it's only when he's left that neil realizes, he never asked for todd's number. not an address, where he works. no way to reconnect. surely, he could ask one of their mutual friends. it couldn't be that hard. but maybe it's for the better.

#in case its not clear in this universe todd Is straight #sorry</3 #ohgod that whole 'todd thinks neils just like that w/ all of his friends' but its not angsty on his end its angsty on neils end #maybe......maybe in a few years him and the wife and daughter go see a play.....his wife picked it out so its not until he looks in the #program and he sees the name neil perry does his heart drop. should he try to find him? say something? not acknowledge it? ??? his wife #notices tho and he tells her. maybe after the show he does catch neils eye for a second and smiles friendly before rushing out. wishes he #could say hi but dinner reservation yk #is any of this in character at all #its been in my mind since yesterday i had 2 put it somewhere #todd anderson #neil perry #anderperry #dps headcanons #dps aus #new tag just dropped #cowboy posts

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puckandperry · 4 years

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if you send for me

anderperry

synopsis: au in which welton academy isn’t a boarding school, and neil goes to todd’s house to throw pebbles at his bedroom window, and todd realises when it's his turn to throw the pebbles— before it’s too late.

warnings: slight sentiments of sadness. nothing too extreme!

w/c: 5.8k

a/n: hello all! this is my first time writing for these two, and the dps world in general, but i’ve done my best to capture the characters, and so i hope it’s worked. enjoy <3

⭒

The windows are dark, they always are.

Todd’s parents have always been strict about that sort of thing— lights out after a certain hour, no going out on school nights, curfew and all that.

Neil’s parents have always been like that too, but he’s learned to slip out of doors unnoticed, silent upon socked feet as he steals through the dark, only stepping on floorboards that don’t creak. Neil is a shadow, Neil is a thief. But the prize is far more precious than silver or gold.

⭒

When the first pebble hits the window, Todd’s still asleep, and he doesn’t notice.

The sound of the second pebble against the glass is conveniently part of his dream, and fades into the abyss of sleep, a drop of water in an ocean.

The third is when he wakes properly, and he thinks that maybe footsteps are approaching his bedside. He shifts disconcertedly, sleep still trailing in the wake of his consciousness, the brush of a lover’s hand.

But at the fourth, he sits bolt upright at the sound, eyes bright and wide in the dark, though moonlight spills onto the floor from the window, from behind those curtains that never consent to be fully closed.

He slips his toes out from beneath the covers and winces at the cold when they meet the wooden floor, but he’s quick to recover from the tingle of frost down his spine, and he walks toward the window in three quick, short strides.

When he brushes away the curtains and twines his fingers around the window latches to push the contraption from its frame, he finds Neil on the ground below, a hand raised with a fifth pebble, the other cradling several more.

Neil’s face breaks into a smile when he catches Todd’s eyes, and Todd fights the flutter of his heart, coaxes his own smile into a grimace; he should not be happy that Neil is here, in the middle of the night. He should be cross, and worried about his parents finding him up after bedtime, and grouchy with his lingering drowsiness.

But he is none of those things. He is decidedly lighthearted, awake and spirited and warm, despite the coldness of the night. He is how he always is, when he is with Neil.

“What’re you doing here?” he hisses, his elbows on the windowsill as he leans farther out into the night, the breeze beginning to ruffle his hair.

Neil smiles, like Neil always does. “What does it look like?” he says. “I’m here to see you, of course.”

“You can’t—” Feigned indignation has raised Todd’s voice on no account of his own, and he has to swallow to bring his volume back down. “You can’t be here,” he says.

Neil folds his arms. “Why not?”

“Because it’s the middle of the night!” Todd sputters. “Because you should be asleep!”

Neil only grins. “You’re not asleep,” he counters easily. His tongue is poking out between his teeth, his eyes vivid in the moonlight.

“Because you woke me,” says Todd, but it’s a lame attempt at an excuse, and Neil is already climbing the bush that twists up the wall by Todd’s bedroom, his sweater sleeves snagging on the brambles.

And Todd is leaning out the window, biting his lip as his fingers tighten on the windowsill and he pleads with the darkness not to let Neil fall, because he’d never forgive himself if Neil fell for him, for his sake, for the sake of seeing him.

And why? Why is the other question that nags at Todd as Neil skirts the windowsill, swings one leg up to clamber into his bedroom. Sure, they’re friends, but midnight visits in solemn shadow, pebbles thrown like stars, one leaning out the window to speak to the other like Shakespearian lovers.

It doesn’t make any sense.

Todd isn’t paying attention when Neil finally tumbles through the window, making a shushing noise as though his shoes will obey him and not make a sound.

He straightens up, and when he does, he’s nose-to-nose with Todd, who seizes up when he realises the position they’re in.

But Neil only laughs, his perfect hair hanging into his perfect eyes, and Todd wants to reach up and brush it away, to see the other boy better. He doesn’t, though, and Neil is left with that task for himself. He takes it in stride, and when he smiles down at Todd, his eyes crinkle.

Instinctively, Todd smiles back.

“Hi,” says Neil.

Todd’s reply is breathless, and Neil’s smile broadens.

“Scared ya, did I?”

“Well who the hell prances about throwing pebbles past midnight?” asks Todd, as though expecting a legitimate answer. But for all Neil’s openness, his vibrant personality, he is noticeably quiet on certain topics.

He snorts. “Prancing? I prefer gallivanting.”

Todd rolls his eyes in response. “Keating is getting to your head.”

“And yours,” says Neil, with twinkling eyes. “Can’t help but love him, though.”

Neil is often bold, but he rarely talks of love. Todd wonders faintly if it's because he’s never been loved wholly, properly. Only fragments here and there, what can be scavenged. Though Todd doesn’t understand how anyone could love Neil any less than wholly. Neil is magnetic, beautiful, powerful in his sense of self and conscious of the world around him. Todd has never met anyone like him.

“So what are you doing?”

“Doing? Neil, I was asleep.”

He shrugs almost apologetically, then fishes a leather-bound book from the inside pocket of the jacket he’s wearing. “Feel like reading some poetry?”

⭒

It starts off with Whitman, and Byron quickly follows, to precede Shakespeare and Wilde, and then they halt with Wilde, because their voices have grown languid with the passing time, and it takes longer now to recite a poem than it did an hour ago.

They’re sitting on the floor, leaned against Todd’s bed although the floor is cold, and Neil isn’t quite sure why they’re sitting on the floor, but he thinks it has something to do with the intimacy of sharing the space of someone else’s bed, a line Todd hasn’t offered to cross, and one Neil doesn’t dare to suggest— even if the floor is freezing.

But Todd’s side is pressed up against his, and so Neil is not as cold as he would have been. They lean against each other, and Neil reads aloud.

In the words of Wilde he tells of the sun and the moon, of the moon retreating to her sombre cave as the night wanes to day, and the silence that love makes of a person. He reads of feelings seldom felt, though they are ones he feels strongly, and he thinks that he must be wrong in his assessment of himself, because surely, his heart should not be beating out of his chest for the one who sits beside him.

“But surely unto Thee mine eyes did show/Why I am silent, and my lute unstrung; Else it were better we should part, and go,” Neil reads, and he thinks that Todd is falling asleep beside him. “Thou to some lips of sweeter melody,” and Todd is most definitely asleep, because his head rests upon Neil’s shoulder, and Neil thinks of how lucky he is for Todd to trust him this way, “And I to nurse the barren memory/Of unkissed kisses, and songs never sung.”

He finishes the verse, the poem, and there is a silence like that after rain. Soft, pure, and the world beneath is untouched, new, as the sun flits through the leaves to colour the Earth below in warm hues, firelight remnants.

Or perhaps the silence is not what gives Neil this feeling, but Todd’s soft exhale on his shoulder.

Neil smiles to himself.

There’s a blanket on the end of the bed, and he reaches for it, drapes it over the boy beside him. Then slowly, carefully, he eases Todd’s head from his shoulder, and lets him curl up with his head upon a pillow, still on the floor, because Neil worries he’ll wake Todd if he tries to move him back to bed. But at least now the other boy is cocooned in warmth, and unbothered by the world around him.

His cheeks are a little flushed, lips parted against the pillow. His hair is in his eyes, as Neil’s often is. Neil never brushes his own hair away. His mother used to do that. She doesn’t anymore, but he still hopes that one day she’ll return to her old habit. Neil wonders if Todd’s mother brushes his hair from his eyes.

Neil resolves that it does not matter whether or not she does, but that one of the most gentle things in this world is to have one’s hair combed away from one’s eyes, and Todd is the gentlest person Neil has ever known. He’s fierce when sufficiently provoked, but quiet up until that point, and Neil admires that betwixt the cruelties of this world, there are still people like Todd who find it within themselves to be gentle.

He stoops, and brushes the hair from his friend’s eyes, lets his touch linger.

“Adieu, adieu, adieu,” he murmurs, because he has no words of his own for this moment, and must borrow from Shakespeare.

Neil climbs out the window, finds footholds in the bush against the brick of the house, closes the window, and slips out into the night.

⭒

Todd wakes alone, and goes to school as usual.

When he meets Neil in the morning, they do not speak of the night before. Still, Neil’s smile is bright and warm as the sun, and they talk between classes, stifle laughter at the same stiff-necked teachers that they always do, exchange glances with one another as Keating’s lesson of the day proves even more adventurous as the previous.

He is getting to be better friends with the boys whom Neil keeps in company, as well, beginning to settle into a comfortable routine, and the lot of them meet in the cave on weekend nights as they always do. In content, it is much like the nights Todd spends with Neil, yet, the cave meetings have a different air about them.

The days pass with school and homework, the bore of scholarly tasks made lively by the asides of his friends.

Todd loves the days, but he lives for the nights.

Neil has now made a habit of coming to visit, sneaking up the climbing bush and letting Todd help him the last of the way through the window.

He brings a book, or a leaflet, something to read, or the script for the play he’s in, so that Todd can help him to practice lines. Neil hasn’t told his parents about the play, so Todd’s house, in the middle of the night, is the safest place to practice.

But Neil projects, as all good actors know to do, and Todd shushes him.

“My parents!” he reminds him, because they are asleep downstairs. But Neil’s speech only gives way to laughter, muffled by the wool of his sweater sleeve as he covers his mouth vainly, in an attempt to drown the sound.

Soon Todd is laughing as well, and they’re not laughing, but giggling, and the sound is so absurdly childish that Todd shushes Neil with new fervour. However, Neil does not take note, rather throws his head back as his shoulders shake, and Todd reaches up and covers Neil’s mouth with his hands.

Neil tries to bat away Todd’s hands, but Todd does not relent, a warning in his eyes. Neil ceases his giggling, and nods, to assure Todd that he will not laugh any more.

Ever-trusting, Todd removes his hands from Neil’s person, but Neil starts laughing again as soon as he is free.

Todd reaches up to cover Neil’s mouth again, more playful than in actual effectiveness, but immediately, Neil presses a kiss to Todd’s fingers, and Todd leaps back.

“Neil!” he says, but Neil only laughs, and when the latter leaves in the twilight of the youthful morning, it’s with extra care to move in silence, as though to make up for the ruckus of earlier.

Sometimes Neil brings food, pilfered from his own pantry, or from the dining hall at school, cookies and pieces of cake, fruit slightly bruised from being stolen and hidden away, but still always ripe and sweet.

They read books and poetry, learn Shakespeare, trade stories over their pillaged feasts, listen to records at the lowest volume possible, parting in the morning with no word of the night.

There is something comfortable about simply being in Neil’s presence. There is no pressure to do anything, to be anything in particular, and yet Todd feels that he could do anything, be anything— whatever he likes. So, in a rare moment of truth, he chooses to simply be himself.

He likes being himself.

⭒

As midnight decisions often do, the lack of sleep earned by Todd and Neil in the company of one another catches up with them, and one day, the two are awoken by someone clearing their throat.

But they are not in Todd’s bedroom when Neil lifts his head, lifts his head up from a desk and blinks sleepily to find Todd on his left doing the same. The classroom is otherwise empty, before they each notice Keating leaned against the table between them, his arms folded and his eyes crinkling at the corners as his gaze darts between them.

“Morning, boys,” he says, and Neil thinks his smile broadens.

“Mr. Keating,” he blurts, at the same time Todd says,

“I uh—”

But Keating waves his hands, smiling still. “No, no. No trouble. I imagine my voice has a bit of a droll to it. I’m sure that’s why my first thesis presentation went as badly as it did.” He shifts, lifts his chin, narrows his eyes. “So, what’s keeping you up at night? Dreams? Or fears?”

Neil glances at Todd to see if he’s going to respond, but Todd only smiles, as though he knows something Neil doesn’t.

A moment later, Neil realises that his glasses are askew on his nose, and adjusts them hurriedly, making a face at the other boy.

Todd makes a face back, before they both remember Keating, and turn their heads in his direction once more.

His eyes twinkle. “Or,” he says thoughtfully, “each other?”

Neil swallows.

“We’ve been reading poetry,” says Todd, and Neil looks upon him with pleasant surprise. It is not often Todd speaks unprompted.

Todd’s words are of truth, and Keating knows of the Dead Poets Society meetings in the cave. He should not, however, know of Neil’s late-night visits to Todd. And yet, something in his countenance persuades Neil that Keating does know.

“And poetry is all well and fine,” Keating responds, with his easy smile, “but you cannot dream if you do not sleep. And if you sleep in my class, you will miss some golden opportunities to follow your dreams.”

Neil fights laughter, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees that Todd is already in the throes of it, and so he gives up his solemnity and grins.

“We are such stuff as dreams are made of,” Neil quotes, “and our little life is rounded with sleep.”

“Ah,” says Keating, “our good friend William. But, Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks/Within his bending sickle's compass come;/Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,/But bears it out even to the edge of doom. Love waits,” he says, “and you have time. So long as in sleeping, you wait as well.”

The eyes of their teacher twinkle again as he gathers up his things and proceeds to the open classroom door.

Todd turns to Neil. “What— what d’you think he meant by that?”

Neil stares after Keating, though he feels Todd’s eyes upon him.

“No idea,” he says.

He lies.

⭒

Todd has been keeping Neil’s secret for months now. Two months, to be exact, and all he has to do is keep it for one more night, because Neil’s father mustn’t find out. Neil’s father mustn’t find out that Neil is going to be in a play.

But be in a play Neil will, and Todd has never seen him as happy as he is now.

They’re all here in the wings. Todd and Charlie and Meeks and Pitts and Knox, with Chris, and Ca— well, actually, Cameron seems not to be here. Todd has no idea where he’s got to, but he hasn’t seen him, and to be honest, he doesn’t rightly care where Cameron is. But Keating is here too and Neil— beautiful, brilliant Neil— waiting for the lights to dim and for the last of the audience to take their seats.

Neil is in costume— a simple thing, matching greenish-grey trousers and shirt, a crown of twining twigs and ruby berries upon his hair. The lot of them have been talking animatedly for the past few minutes, Neil the most animated of them all, but now Keating glances at his wristwatch and announces that they should probably make their way to their seats, before the theatre falls entirely dark. Murmurs of agreement ensue, and the gaggle of boys turn to follow Keating.

Keating pauses, touches Neil’s shoulder.

“Break a leg, ye merry Puck.” He grins, and Neil smiles happily.

Meeks and Pitts wish Neil the same, and he nods his thanks. Knox tells Neil good luck, to the uproar of Charlie.

Charlie cuffs the back of Knox’s head, and Knox yelps. “What kind of idiot are you?”

“You tell me!” says Knox. “What kind of idiot am I, Charlie?”

“You don’t tell actors good luck!” Charlie rebuts. “That’s the kind of idiot you are.”

Charlie stalks off, and Knox runs after him. Their conversation floats back to Neil and Todd, who stare after them.

“But what kind?! CHARLIE!”

Todd finds Neil laughing when he turns back to his friend.

“They’re both idiots,” he says. “The same kind.”

“S why they get along so well,” Todd responds, and Neil nods his agreement.

Then at once, his eyes flit away from the shrinking figures of Charlie and Knox, and when Todd looks at him, Neil’s gaze dances with light.

“What?” says Todd, a half-smile already upon his face.

Neil’s eyes meet with Todd’s, and he grins. “I’m just so excited! I’ve never been this excited before, I mean, to be in a play, to be in an actual play, and not just any play, but Shakespeare— Todd!” Neil laughs delightedly, spinning in a wild circle with his arms outstretched, so that he nearly whacks Todd in the process.

Todd laughs as well, and marvels at the colour of Neil’s eyes, a colour for which he has no name but the-colour-of-Neil’s-eyes-colour. He’s never seen a colour like this anywhere else, with the sheer spirit and liveliness it bears, despite the fact that it is only a colour, and colours cannot be neither spirited nor lively. But then there are Neil’s eyes, staring back into his, and Todd thinks that colours can most certainly be both spirited and lively.

“I’m so excited, I swear I could do anything.”

“Anything?” says Todd, as the lights begin to dim.

“Anything! I could run a marathon—”

Todd laughs.

“— scale a mountain, write a poem far better than yours—”

Todd scoffs, not at that Neil should be able to write something better than he, but at that Neil thinks Todd sets a standard for poem-writing in the first place.

“— alright,” says Neil, “maybe not a poem better than yours, but still!” He’s breathless, now, eyes flitting from the stage lights to the stage itself, all about the world around him, and back to Todd. Always back to Todd. “I could fly,” Neil says. “I really think I could fly. I have this feeling.”

“A feeling?”

“Yeah, a feeling,” he breathes. “Like I’m invincible. Like I could do anything.”

“That’s generally the definition of the word ‘invincible’,” Todd deadpans. But nothing can or will faze Neil Perry.

“I’m so excited I could dance. Sing—”

“Yeah, got that. You could do anything.”

“Todd, I could kiss you, I’m so excited!”

It slips out, just slips out. That much is apparent to Todd, even as his cheeks flush crimson in the waning light, even as Neil’s eyes grow soft and Todd finds he can’t look away.

It slips out, but Neil is entirely serious.

Todd’s stomach does somersaults as he opens his mouth to stammer out that it’s fine, they can forget about what Neil’s said, but then Neil stoops and kisses him.

Gently. Quickly. He’s drawn back again before Todd can think to respond, though he realises his eyelids have fluttered shut.

When he opens his eyes, there’s a sigh on his parted lips, and he’s taken half a step forward, drifted toward Neil.

Neil’s face is impassive as he straightens up, but his eyes are soft and searching.

Todd wonders what he’s searching for, but he once again has no time to react before someone calls,

“Neil, showtime!”

Neil drops his gaze to the floor and spins away from Todd, showing no signs of the adrenaline high that presently has Todd in its thrall, rushing through him like an opened dam— there’s no coming back from this.

But before Neil gets too far away, Todd grabs his hand and squeezes.

Neil doesn’t look back, though his fingers curl in Todd’s grasp.

He disappears amongst the crowd of cast and crew before another word can be exchanged.

Todd doesn’t think anyone saw them, but he understands Neil’s caution, even as his heart twists in his chest and he makes his way to Mr. Keating and the others in the audience.

He settles into his seat as the lights finally fade into shadows, and Keating glances at Todd as though to ask if he’s okay.

Todd gives a brief nod and turns his head toward the stage, hoping Keating cannot see the apprehension in his eyes.

But as Neil and his castmates take the stage, Todd forgets everything but the show, and how talented Neil is as part of it. He chortles alongside the rest of the audience, smiles upon Neil with reverence, the way an astronomer would look upon a star, an artist upon their paints, an adventurer upon the undiscovered secrets of the universe.

His heart is full, his hands are warm.

And Neil lights up the stage.

⭒

They’re taking their bows upon the edge of the stage, striding forward to be met with the standing ovation gifted to them by the audience, and as the house lights come back up, Neil sees his friends and Keating applauding, whistling, cheering for him. Sees Todd cheering for him, for once the loudest of them all.

And then the curtains are closing and Neil exhales the high coursing through his veins, throws back his head and laughs as his castmates shout and celebrate around him. They jostle, congratulating one another and him, and Neil congratulates them in turn.

But then there's a cloud, because he’s being told that his father is waiting for him.

He changes briskly, takes his duffle bag in one hand and his crooked crown in the other, and parts the grand drape. He doesn’t breathe as he lifts his gaze, and makes eye contact with his father.

Any hopes he had of his father understanding this talent of his, this acting, which is not a fleeting love but an enduring one, disappears when he next exhales, a puff of air in the coldness of night, gone before you have time to fully realise that it is there.

Silently, Neil follows his father out the door. His friends fall upon him, some of them calling to him to congratulate him on his performance, others to invite him to some kind of afterparty.

“I can’t, guys,” he is forced to say, though really he has no idea why it is that he can’t. Neil was good as Puck. Neil knows he was good. Can’t his father see that too?

Somebody says his name as he’s walking, but it’s not until the repetition of it that Neil startles to perceive Keating beside him.

“You have the gift! What a performance!”

Keating is smiling and Neil smiles back, momentarily lost in that someone has spoken what he wants to hear. “You left even me speechless!”

It does not last.

“Stay in the car,” Neil’s father growls. “And Keating. You stay away from my son.”

Charlie is shouting Neil’s name, shouting an appeal to Neil’s father, but the latter only glares, and Neil gets into the car without argument.

As the car is started and driven away, Neil’s gaze lingers on Todd’s, through the window, through the snow.

⭒

They’re walking back to school, where they’ve left their bikes, when Todd stops in his tracks.

The others have been talking, but Todd has been thinking. Thinking about earlier.

He can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. Or that something was wrong. Or will be wrong.

And suddenly there’s an urgency that plagues him, and he has to see Neil, or he won’t be able to sleep that night, or any night.

He stops, turns, and then simply starts running.

Carpe fucking diem.

“Hey— Todd!” Charlie is the one shouting, again. “What’re you— where are you—”

“I’ll catch up with you guys later!” Todd calls back.

“But where’re you going?!” says Meeks.

“Neil’s!”

He begins to run properly, pumping his arms, letting the wind assault his senses as it whips the hair about his face, as he throws himself forward like he’s falling. And he is falling. But not because of gravity.

He barely knows where he’s going, but he and Neil have walked home together plenty a time, and so he remembers what street Neil lives on, by intuition, if not by name.

When he reaches the street he’s looking for, he slows and nearly slips in the snow when he makes a hairpin turn onto the lane.

From a run to a jog to a walk he slows, because now he’s looking for Neil’s father’s car to identify the house.

“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” Todd mutters as he hurries up the road, scanning left and right, left, right, left— right again.

His heart is sinking and he bites his lip, starts to notice the cold, how his fingers tremble with it, his cheeks burning from the wind.

And then he sees it.

And he runs.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do once he gets there, but within moments, he’s there. He has to be here.

He runs across the grass, and then, by sheer luck, he sees it: Neil’s crown from the play, sitting atop a windowsill in the upper floor of the house.

Todd’s eyes scour the ground, but the snow is thick, and there are no pebbles.

He glances up again, and that desperation seizes him. Back down to the ground, and still he sees nothing. But then the next time he looks up, there’s Neil, standing in the window, and the crown is upon his head.

He stares forward into the darkness of the night, blankly, and Todd has rarely seen him this colourless. Still, there is something beautiful in those dark eyes, in the curve of his mouth and how it matches that of his shoulders.

Todd considers shouting, but then he doesn’t want to wake the whole of the Perry household.

In one moment, Todd is watching Neil through the window, and in the next he has formed a snowball in his hands.

He arcs it toward the window with a huff, never dreaming that it will land.

Much less dreaming that it will sail straight through the window— which appears to be open— and catch Neil upon his bare shoulder.

Neil startles with a gasp, the coldness of the snow instantaneous in reviving him from his reverie, and when he sees from whence the projectile came, his mouth falls agape.

“Todd?”

“I— I don’t know how I’m going to climb a drainpipe in a suit but I’m—” Todd swallows, steels himself. “I’m going to do it.”

He braces one foot against the brick and grasps the drainpipe with both hands, attempts to hoist himself upward.

“Todd, you’re crazy,” says Neil, and he’s leaning against the windowsill, the way Todd did the first time when Neil came to visit him. “This is crazy. Get down from there, you’ll fall!”

Sure enough, Todd slips, but he wasn’t really off of the ground in the first place, so it doesn’t matter. He looks up at Neil, standing in the window.

“You’re crazy,” he replies. “And you’ll freeze to death. Get back inside.”

But Neil shakes his head. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Todd huffs in indignation. “Well, what then?”

Neil smiles. “Hang on.”

“Hang on?” Todd mutters, as Neil disappears from the window. “I’m still on the ground, how can I hang on?”

But then Neil reappears in the window, and drops a length of bundled bed sheets out the window.

Todd dodges before they smack him in the head, then takes the end like a rope that’s meant for climbing.

He calls to Neil in a stage whisper, “How do you just so happen to have bed sheets made into a rope?”

“Silly goose,” says Neil. “How do you think I get out of the house when I go to visit you?’

Todd grins in response, and Neil mirrors.

“Now come on. I’ve got you.”

With one final eyebrow raise directed at Neil, Todd shrugs and begins his ascent up the brick.

It’s an arduous climb, particularly since Todd has never done anything like this before, but Neil’s grip does not falter, and soon Neil is pulling Todd through the window, and Todd is collapsing atop Neil on the bedroom floor.

Todd blushes, embarrassed, but Neil laughs and winds Todd in his arms, and Todd feels as though his heart will burst.

“What are you doing here?” Neil asks, when he stops laughing. But it’s more habit than actual askance, and Neil has rolled over so that the two of them are on the floor beside one another. He props himself up on one elbow and stares at Todd, that soft expression ever-prevailing.

Todd shrugs, because he doesn’t know how to answer, doesn’t actually know what made him turn around and sprint through ice and snow to Neil’s house, and really, now that he’s here, it seems sort of ridiculous.

“Dunno. Couldn’t let you leave like that.” He’s mumbling, and something about what he says makes Neil’s face fall. It breaks Todd’s heart a little. “Neil?”

Neil presses his lips together, and Todd’s eyes trace constellations in the spattering of freckles that cover Neil’s shoulders. He repeats the other boy’s name quietly, and Neil inhales stutteringly.

“My father’s sending me to military school.”

“What?” Todd says. “Military school?”

Neil nods, avoiding Todd’s gaze.

“But what about Welton?”

“Pulling me out tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, but that’s— he can’t do that, can he? In the middle of the year?”

“He can,” says Neil morosely.

Todd doesn’t know what it is that’s driving him any longer, but it certainly is not his head, because he grabs Neil’s hand.

Neil looks up.

“It’ll be okay,” Todd says. “I’ll write to you. We’ll all write to you. In a year, you’ll be eighteen, and then—” Todd’s being bold, forward, doesn’t know how he’s doing it, but he’s doing it, pushing his fingers through the hair that falls loosely over Neil’s forehead— “then you can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever?” inquires Neil, and the smile has returned to his voice, his eyes.

Todd cants his head to one side, and he thinks that Neil has moved closer. Any closer at all, and Todd swears he will disintegrate. “Whatever you want,” he murmurs. But in truth, he’s not really thinking anymore, as Neil’s sigh fans his lips.

“Can I kiss you again?”

Todd lets out a nervous giggle. “I don’t know, Neil. Can you?”

And Neil does.

Neil kisses Todd deeply and steals the air from his lungs, the thoughts from his mind, the senses from his body, until there is nothing but thoughts of Neil and the curve of Neil’s body against his own. Neil is soft, like his smiles, and Todd feels himself melt, helplessly tracing fingertips over Neil’s skin, to touch those constellations he has only ever looked upon— and even so, rarely— lets Neil push the hair back from his face and kiss him with the lips that have for weeks read him poetry, shared emotions never shared with anyone else, breathed encouragement and compliment to no end, with ardour, with truth, with love.

Then abruptly, Neil’s mouth is gone from Todd’s, and Todd groans his discontent.

“Do you really think I could do anything?” says Neil, his hands resting on either side of Todd’s face.

“Anything,” says Todd.

“So you think I could be an actor, for real?”

Todd snorts. “For real, I think you could do anything. Most easily of all become an actor. You were good, Neil,” he whispers. “Really good.”

Neil positively beams, and Todd resolves that he wants to see Neil smiling like this forever and always.

He loves that he, of all people, can make Neil smile like this.

“Come see me tomorrow,” Neil breathes, “before I go.”

Todd promises to.

Neil seals the promise with a kiss.

The two part, and Todd departs, but they reunite upon the morrow.

And when they part again, Todd begins his first letter to Neil, writes to him then and there. Tells him of how he and the others already miss him terribly, though in truth, Neil cannot yet be far down the road that leads from Welton.

Todd writes to Neil that day, and the day after, and every day after that.

A year later, he stops writing to Neil, and Neil stops replying, because they see one another every day, free of parents and free of Welton, free to be with their friends and with each other, free to meet their former English teacher for coffee on Thursday afternoons, because that is simply how it is supposed to be.

They are living their dreams, and they are truly free.

Twas thus, and always thus will be.

#my tags are a mess but here we go #anderperry #anderperry fic #todd anderson #neil perry #neil x todd #dead poets society #fic

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noelliza · 3 years

Text

The Pursuit of Two Left Feet Ch 1 - Anderperry

Hello! I started a cute anderperry fic that includes dancing and sneaking out to an underground swing dance club. Thank you @poetrusicperry for the idea! This is the first part out of two. You can also read this on ao3 here. Enjoy! :)

Part 2

“Charlie, no.”

“Charlie, yes!”

Neil rolls his eyes in exasperation, convinced that his best friend has finally lost his mind. “How the hell do you think we could get away with this? It’s one thing to sneak out to the cave, but another to sneak out into town!”

“Neil, you doubt my abilities, it’ll be fine! Meeks is a genius, and he can help me work the whole thing out,” Charlie says, trying to appease him.

“So you don’t even have a plan?” Neil asks incredulously.

Charlie leans over conspiratorially. “Yet,” he says with a wink.

“Well let me know what you come up with, it’ll be a good laugh.”

“You bet. Later, party pooper.”

Neil huffs and shuts the door, walking over to his closet to grab his night clothes.

“So uh… what was Charlie on about this time?” Todd asks from his bed, closing the book he was reading.

“Something totally ridiculous,” Neil says.

Neil realizes from Todd’s silence that his paranoia is creeping in, assuming that Neil’s vague answer is him not wanting to fill Todd in on their conversation. Hastily, he turns to look at Todd and gives him a reassuring smile.

“He wants us all to sneak out and go dancing at a club in town. But there’s no way we could pull that off,” he explains.

He watches as Todd’s body relaxes at his words, the tension leaving his features to form a shy smile. “I don't know… Charlie somehow always finds a way,” he says, holding Neil’s gaze for a moment before returning to his book.

Neil laughs, beginning to unbutton his shirt. “So far he has, but one day he’s bound to get caught. I’m all for mischief, but I think this is pushing it.”

“Since when does Charlie not push anything?”

“You always make a great point,” Neil says fondly, rushing over to ruffle Todd’s hair before he can stop him.

Neil finishes changing and leaps onto his bed, landing on his back with a relieved sigh, the weight of the day leaving his body. Today Neil was moving nonstop with soccer practice, math club, and chemistry club that he hasn’t had a moment to breathe in the last 13 hours.

Neil turns his head towards Todd to glance at the cover of his book. He instantly recognizes it as Fahrenheit 451, which is a book he’s been wanting to read but never dared to buy in fear of his father finding it. He’s afraid of Neil ever discovering new ideas, diverting from the cut path he’s had him set on since birth. His father would be disappointed to know that Neil has been forming his own beliefs and sentiments for a long time now. He refuses to live a meaningless life, void of passion and love. But, he doesn’t want to create suspicion, so he doesn’t discuss anything that his father could potentially disapprove of.

“So, are you gonna go?” Todd asks.

“As if I have a choice. If I thought for even a second Charlie would let me get out of it, I’d be the dumbest person on the planet.”

Todd lets out a beautiful, warm laugh, his eyes wrinkling into a bright smile. It’s rare Neil gets to see it, and he’s grateful every single time he does.

“Are you?”

Todd falters, his smile falling slightly. Neil’s heart hurts at the sight. “Well... am I… invited?”

“Todd, of course you are,” Neil says gently, knowing that sometimes Todd needs reassurance.

“Then, uh, yeah I’m coming,” Todd says, his voice shaking slightly.

He knows what a big deal it is that Todd is willing to break the rules to be included, and he’s glad that he’s starting to feel like he truly belongs.

Neil has always loved dancing—almost as much as acting. Letting your body move to the beat of the music, allowing the sound to fill you and set your mind free, all the thoughts and obligations draining out of you. He feels light, like no worries or obligations ever existed in the first place. So of course at the sound of Charlie’s idea, his heart sings at the opportunity to go, but he knows if he got caught that would be his father’s last straw. He can’t risk his father pulling him out to send him to military school, away from the few things, or people, who are vital parts of his life.

He loves his poets more than anything, talking to them is his favorite part of any day. Charlie is his best friend, without his crude jokes and lawless energy, school would be utterly dull. Mr. Keating is the reason Neil feels inspired, like he has a chance at living a fulfilling life. The hope that had once been squashed down into nothing by his father was taking root once again, the weed never having been truly destroyed. However, Neil doesn’t know how he’s going to do it—betray his father and live the life he desires—but the thought that he will one day is what keeps him going.

And Todd. Todd is everything. He’s the air he breathes, the light shining through the murky tunnel, and the monologue to his play in an empty crowd. If he never got to see Todd’s furrowed brows while deep in thought, or his bright, infectious smile again, Neil’s world would crumble on top of him, leaving him to suffocate, entrapped in everlasting misery.

Neil envisions stepping onto a crowded dance floor with Todd’s hand in his, his heart swelling with joy. He hears Etta James’ “At Last” filling the room, the sound of the violin strumming the chords of his heart as they sway together. This picture makes Neil yearn for the opportunity to go dancing with the poets, but he knows it's only a mere fantasy, and nothing more.

At the mention of this, however, Charlie wasn’t willing to accept that; he doesn’t understand that it’s just not doable, it’s out of reach. The town is too far, they would never make it back to the school before a teacher discovered their absences. Once he said it, Charlie wouldn’t let it go, and Neil had to grudgingly accept that it had officially been put in motion.

“Good. Let’s just hope Charlie doesn’t fuck it up,” Neil says, settling into bed.

Todd laughs and moves to set his book aside but Neil stops him. “No it’s okay, I’m so tired I could fall asleep through Charlie’s snores right now. Keep reading.” Neil finishes with a mumble, turning toward the wall.

“…Y-you sure?” He asks hesitantly.

“Of course, don’t be silly. Good night Todd,” Neil murmurs, already beginning to doze off.

“Good night, Neil,” Todd says softly, his voice. A few seconds go by and Neil can sense the light of the room behind his eyelids, and he smiles to himself. It’s good to see Todd doing more things for himself, not sacrificing every bit of himself for the sake of others. It makes Neil’s heart full, knowing Todd is finally coming into himself, growing to be the person Neil always saw inside him that was crying to be let out into the world.

Neil quickly falls asleep, the image of swinging Todd around the dance floor, his untamable laughter echoing through the room filling his thoughts.

***

Neil’s studying Chemistry in his room when Charlie barges in, a dangerous grin spread across his face. Neil shudders, knowing that expression all too well.

Charlie settles himself on Neil’s bed, leaning his head back on his hands with one leg crossed over the other. “We’ve got ourselves a full-proof plan.”

Neil scoffs, disbelieving. “Yeah right. It hasn’t even been a full day.”

“Well, it just shows you we’re that good,” Charlie says smugly.

“Or, you’re too sloppy, missing some of the potential obstacles,” Neil says shortly, looking back down at his book.

“Not in this case! All of those have been strategically avoided. We’re all set to go this weekend!” He affirms.

“So, aren’t you going to tell me all about your ingenious plan?”

Charlie laughs. “No, because you’ll obsess over it trying to find a mistake. And there’s no need to, because it’ll work out.”

“Like the time you broke into Nolan’s office and left rotten eggs only for him to have seen you walk right out of the door?” Neil says, raising an incredulous eyebrow.

“That was one time!” Charlie objects. “And I was a complete amateur back then. Right now, you’re speaking to an expert of mischief.”

“Dear Lord, help us all,” Neil groans.

“Hey, Jesus didn’t assist with this plan, so he doesn’t need to be involved.”

Neil just sighs, not deigning to respond.

“So, have you planned your dance with Todd? How are you going to ask him? ‘Todd Anderson, the love of my life, will you do me the honor of dancing the night away with me?’” Charlie teases with a crooked smile.

Neil throws a pencil at him, his cheeks flushing. “Shut up, I wouldn’t ask him like that.”

“Well, you have four more days to think about it.”

“I doubt he’ll even want to,” Neil sighs.

Charlie scoffs, arching his brow. “Yeah, that's as likely as Nolan and Keating becoming lovers.”

“Thank you for that horrible image,” Neil says with a grimace, earning a laugh from Charlie.

“You’re welcome.”

Neil shakes his head, wanting to get straight to the important details. “So who’s coming along?”

“Meeks and Pitts, Todd obviously. As soon as I told Knox he could bring Chris, he was in.”

“And Cameron?” Neil asks resignedly, already knowing what his answer will be.

“As in Richard Cameron? Dick up my ass? And not the good kind,” Charlie snorts.

“Uh, yes, him. The only Cameron we know, did you ask him?” He pushes, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

Charlie huffs a laugh. “Ask him if he was dropped at birth? No, but I’ve been pretty close.”

“You know what I meant,” Neil says, looking at him firmly.

Charlie avoids his gaze, guilt flashing across his face for a moment. “No, I haven’t…”

“Charlie—”

“Nuwanda!”

Neil takes a deep breath to calm himself. “Nuwanda,” he says pointedly, to which Charlie gives an approving nod. “Come on, you gotta invite him or I will. You know I don’t like excluding anyone. It’s not right.”

“I know, I know, you’re a better person than the rest of us. I’ll mention it, letting him know that the chances we’ll get caught are very, very high—” Charlie cuts off at Neil’s reproving look. “Fine,” Charlie says with a tired, dramatic sigh. “But if he finks, it’s on you!”

“Alright that’s fine, but I really doubt he will. He has no reason to,” Neil says.

“You always give people the benefit of the doubt,” Charlie says, and Neil shrugs helplessly, unable to deny it. “But, I happen to like that about you,” Charlie finishes, grinning.

Neil rolls his eyes playfully. “Good to know, but if you want me to tell you I like how rash and rebellious you are, I’m not planning to.”

Charlie laughs as the door swings open, revealing Todd who briefly glances at the pair before walking over his desk to drop off his bag. Charlie walks over to him, placing his hands on his shoulders and shaking him lightly.

“Toddie! Ready for Friday?” Charlie asks, his excitement spilling out of him.

Todd chuckles, craning his neck to look back at Charlie. “I— yeah I am.”

Charlie whoops, giving Todd’s shoulders a final pat before bouncing back towards Neil, getting way too far into his personal space. “It’ll be fun!”

“When is anything you’re involved in not fun?” Neil asks dryly.

“That’s the spirit!” He shouts triumphantly before bounding out of the room.

“Make sure you talk to Cameron!” Neil shouts after him despite knowing Charlie most likely won’t hear him. With the amount of energy radiating off him, he’s probably halfway down the hall by now. Todd laughs softly and heads over to his bed, opening up a book as he leans his back against the wall.

Neil looks back down at his book, trying with every cell in his brain to comprehend the material. It’s been much more difficult lately to study as the pressure of finals looms over him and the voice of his father invading his mind, telling him he’s not working hard enough. He’s been trying to overcompensate by spending more of his time focusing on his studies, but so far Neil has felt more exhausted than ever, almost falling asleep on his textbook a few times this past week. Charlie caught him after the third time, insisting that it was enough and Neil needed a break. But Charlie didn’t understand what it was like having a father with outrageous expectations. Neil has to put every bit of his time and energy into his studies in order to meet the bare minimum, or else his father will accuse him of slacking off.

Neil turns the page, barely remembering any of the words he just read. He can feel Todd’s stare from the bed, and he knows Todd is most likely considering saying something. He pretends not to notice, not wanting to open this can of worms with him. With just a few words, Todd can convince him of anything, and if he urges him to take a break, Neil knows he won’t be able to refuse--he’ll fold like a deck of cards. But he can’t afford that right now, so he doesn’t budge.

After a few moments, Todd turns away and grabs his book from the nightstand to continue reading. Neil is conflicted, part of him glad Todd didn’t press the issue while the other aches for him to say something, anything to pull him out of this state of mind.

They stay like that for a while—Neil loses track of the time—and then, Todd breaks the silence.

“So, uh, I think Meeks is having a study group for Latin tonight. Are you coming?” He asks, closing the book he was reading.

“I don’t know… I think I’m gonna skip out on it,” Neil says, ruefully.

Todd pauses. “Why?”

“I gotta do some history,” he lies, keeping his head down to avoid Todd’s eyes.

“B-but we just had a test yesterday, we haven’t learned anything new. And you always go to the study groups.”

“Well, I’m just trying to get ahead.”

Todd makes a noise of disappointment that pains him. “But—”

“Todd,” Neil cuts in, harsher than he intended, “just, drop it. Please.”

Todd doesn't respond, returning to his book silently. Neil feels awful talking to him like that, so dismissive. He doesn’t know why he’s doing it to himself, but he feels out of control. It’s like the words are coming out for him, the flood bypassing the barriers he’s placed in his mind.

After a while, Todd gets up to go meet up with the other Poets, grabbing his books and putting them in his bag. He hears Todd hesitate at the door before leaving, presumably deciding not to bother Neil again.

The second the door shuts, a wave of guild floods over Neil, settling in his chest. He rests his head in his hands, trying to take deep breaths.

It’s fine. He’s too busy for study groups right now, it’s not a big deal. There will always be more. He’s not avoiding his friends because he thinks he doesn’t deserve them. Neil just needs to focus on his own studies right now, to make his father proud. After a few seconds, he lifts his head and gets back to work, ignoring the pounding headache and the heaviness of his eyelids…

“Neil?”

Neil jolts awake, lifting his head to look around and realizing he’s still at his desk, his drool soaking into the corner of his notebook page. He sees Todd standing above him, his expression filled with concern. His brows are furrowed in that way he does when he’s trying to solve something, and he has the impulse to smooth it out with his thumb, just the gentlest touch. But the familiar, demanding voice in his head prevents him from doing that.

“Hey! How’d it go?” Neil asks, false brightness in his tone.

Todd’s face doesn’t change, still searching his features as if the answer is hidden in them. “Uh, good,” he says, breaking his gaze away and walking towards his closet. “I’m still struggling, but Meeks helped me understand it a bit better at least.”

“Oh good, I’m glad!” Neil says, forcing a cheery smile.

Neil doesn’t move from his desk as Todd shuffles around the room, getting changed for bed. As Todd is pulling his shirt off, Neil blinks back to reality, looking away to hastily pack up his things. He feels Todd’s eyes again, and Neil has to fight against the pull to meet his gaze. He puts his books on the shelf, the silence in the room stretching longer with every taken breath.

“Charlie accused me of drugging you and locking you in our room,” Todd says after a few minutes, breaking the tension filling the room.

“It’s probably because he’s more likely to do that to someone,” Neil replies, laughing faintly at the thought.

“I’m sure he’s already done it to Cameron.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Neil says with a sigh.

The silence creeps back in, louder than he’s ever heard it.

“There’s gonna be another one tomorrow night,” Todd says, his voice level with the smallest hint of hope peeking through.

“I don’t think I can go to any this week. Maybe next week,” Neil says weakly, quickly making for the bathroom to escape the awkwardness.

He hates doing this. He knows it hurts Todd and the other poets, as well as himself. But if he lets himself get distracted then he won’t make it through finals. For once, Neil just wants to make his father proud.

When he returns, the lights are out, Todd’s breathing slow and even.

***

That next night when Todd is about to leave for study group, Neil busies himself in his Latin textbook, hoping he won’t hassle him about coming along. If he does, it’ll be even harder to refuse him. He hears Todd walk toward the door when suddenly, Neil’s book is stripped away from him, slammed shut and thrown onto his bed. He looks up and Todd is standing above him, looking nervous but resolute, a fierceness in his eyes. Neil meets his gaze, bewildered.

“Todd, what—”

“We’re going for a walk.”

“But I have—”

“It’s a nice night.”

“Todd.”

“Neil,” Todd says firmly, his tone grabbing Neil’s attention. Neil stares, unable to break away from the set look on Todd’s face. One look into those warm, soft eyes is enough to make Neil forget why he insisted on studying in the first place.

“I kind of like when you tell me what to do. Tell me something else,” he says, his mouth curling upward.

Todd flushes, turning away. “N-not right now. Just put your jacket on.”

“You got it,” Neil winks, grabbing his coat and following Todd out the door.

Together, they walk down the hallway and Todd leads him outside, the rush of crisp, winter air refreshing on his skin. Neil didn’t realize how suffocating his room was until now, his lungs filled by the outdoors. He feels like his mind is being pulled out of the mud, regaining his senses, his rational thoughts. Why was he cooping himself in his room?

“Thank you, I needed this,” Neil beams, feeling grateful Todd managed to drag him out here. Sometimes, Neil wonders how he managed to survive this long without Todd in his life—before this school year, just a few short months ago.

Todd nods, keeping his head towards the ground, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. He’s so adorable, Neil can’t handle it. He wishes he had the words, or the drawing skills to capture this sight forever, something he could hold onto and never let go.

“So… are we going anywhere in particular?” Neil asks, unable to help himself. His silences with Todd are always comfortable, but his curiosity is buzzing, eager to know their designation.

“Maybe,” Todd says coyly.

“Come on, Todd, you’re a poet! I know you can be more descriptive than that,” he teases.

“Y-yeah I know I can. I’m… I’m choosing not to.”

Neil’s smile gradually grows wide. “Alright, I can accept that answer. As long as you’re sure.”

“I am,” he says.

Neil laughs softly in response, his heart aching. He looks around, taking in the dark figures of the trees, listening to the whispers of night as it awakens, the faint hum of life, and feeling the gentle movement of wind caressing his skin. It feels like a dance of itself, moving to the beat of its own sound, the music of the forest.

“You know, everytime we sneak out to the cave, none of us ever actually take time to really absorb our surroundings.”

“Yeah, I think because of the chances we’ll get caught if we’re out here,” Todd says, briefly glancing upward to the sky.

Neil chuckles, “True, but we’ve been really missing out.”

“Yeah.”

They continue their trek, the sounds of their footsteps on the ground echoing around them.

“You know, I never used to like the dark, but something about the woods at this hour is so peaceful,” Neil muses, looking up at the moon shining through the trees. Todd hums in response.

“I… I’ve always liked the dark,” Todd adds after a few beats.

Neil turns to him, but can’t catch his eye as Todd is looking resolutely ahead. “Have you?” He says, the corner of his mouth quirking up.

Todd nods, “I—it was comforting…” he says reluctantly, as if more words are bubbling inside him, but he’s scared to let them out.

“I was always afraid of it as a kid. When I was in trouble, my father would put me in the coat closet to have me think about what I had done. I felt like it was eventually going to swallow me whole,“ Neil shares softly, hoping it’ll encourage Todd to speak about it.

Todd lets out a harsh breath, as he already knows how horrible Neil’s father is. Neil glances at Todd again, unable to help it, and nudges him lightly. “Why do you find it comforting?” He asks gently.

Todd keeps his eyes glued to his feet, presumably focusing on his footsteps as he considers what to say. Over the last few months, Neil has begun to catch onto Todd’s small mannerisms. When he’s anxious over an upcoming event, he’ll pick at the hems of his clothes. When he doesn’t want to say yes to something, his eyes widen in the slightest bit and he’ll look sideways, as if he’ll find a proper excuse. The one Neil finds most endearing is when he’s given a compliment, Todd bites the inside of his lip and glances downward.

“I was afraid of it too, actually,” he starts, his breath a bit shaky, “I thought there were monsters in the dark. At least, that's what some of the others at school used to say. But then one night, there was a power outage at my house. It—it happened right after my parents lectured me for not making the baseball team,” Todd pauses, taking a deep breath. Neil waits patiently, holding onto his every word dearly.

“I… I was in my room, alone, in the dark… and I realized it… it made me feel less lonely. I couldn't see the emptiness of the room. I could only hear my breath and my heartbeat. It was… calming,” he finishes in a whisper, only heard by Neil and the hush of the delicate wind.

Neil feels the breath in his lungs being snatched away, and he swallows back a sob threatening to escape him, not wanting to make Todd feel guilty for sharing about his past. Everytime Neil hears something new about Todd’s horrible childhood, his heart tears further apart. He wishes he could strip him of that pain and take it for himself, easing him of that burden.

“I can understand that,” Neil says, making an effort to keep his voice even. “Just… I hope you know you’re not alone anymore, right?”

“Y-yeah I know,” Todd says.

“Good,” Neil breathes, hoping Todd meant it.

They approach a clearing, and it’s one Neil has never seen before. It’s wide, the surrounding trees acting as a safe cocoon. The closer they get, the more he sees the flickering lights blinking through the air, dotting the open space. Fireflies.

“Here we are,” Todd says, a shy smile gracing his face.

Neil walks towards the center, spinning as he gazes around. “How did you find this place?” Neil says, feeling dizzy yet unbound, like he could fly straight to the moon without wings.

“I-I go on walks sometimes… when I need to think. One night, I saw the fireflies… and they led me here.”

“Amazing,” he says, his voice soft as a whisper, watching a firefly buzzing past him in awe. He’s never seen one so up close before, but they’re mesmerizing. Neil doesn’t want to look away.

“Y-yeah, it is.”

Neil wanders around the space, letting his body move on its own accord as his eyes follow the various glowing bodies traveling in every direction. He hums absently, the chorus of a song stuck in his head. He feels Todd’s eyes on him as he walks, and his face burns.

“‘The Twelfth of Never’?” Todd asks.

Neil stops and looks at him, the sight of Todd lit up by the scattering bugs making him weak at the knees. “Yeah, you know it?”

Todd nods. “Mhm, it… it was my favorite song a few summers back. I snuck the vinyl from Jeffey’s room and played it w-when no one was around.”

Neil takes a step towards him. “You ask how much I need you, must I explain?” he sings.

Todd’s eyes widen, his face vulnerable and open. Neil smiles warmly. “I know you’re more of a poet, Whitman, but... join me?” He asks, hopeful.

Todd blinks, looking unsure. After Neil quirks an amused smile, he gives in with a harmless eye roll. “I need you, oh my darling,” he mumbles, looking away as Neil approaches him.

“…like roses need rain.”

Once Neil is standing in front of him, he holds out his hand. “May I?”

Todd looks back at him and pauses as he notices his outstretched hand. Slowly, he reaches out his hand and places it gently in Neil’s palm, allowing him to grasp it. He leads them to the center, placing his other hand on Todd’s waist. They stare at each other for a moment before Neil starts to move his feet. He keeps the pace slow in order to give Todd time used to it, and gradually, they make circles around the clearing.

“W-where did you learn to dance?” Todd asks breathlessly, his eyes shining.

“My father made me do cotillion when I was nine. I hated everything about it except for this,” he says, his eyes focused on Todd’s expression.

“You’re really good,” Todd says with a faint laugh, fumbling to keep up. Neil tightens his grip on Todd’s waist the slightest bit, keeping him in place as they glide.

“You ask how long I’ll love you, I’ll tell you true…” Neil spins him around, eliciting a startled laugh out of Todd that makes his heart swoon.

“Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you,” Todd sings back through his giggles.

“Hold me close.” Neil dips Todd suddenly, leaning over to catch a close look at his eyes.

“Never let me go,” Todd adds, looking at Neil as if to say he means it literally.

“Oh, I’d never,” Neil smiles, holding the position for a beat longer before pulling him back up.

They go on, waltzing around the space as if the leaves are harps and the forest is a string orchestra, playing the melodic tune of the music in the expanse and beyond. Neil is so enraptured with the pure joy on Todd’s face that he hardly registers when Todd steps on his feet a few times. He’ll take all the foot pain to have Todd look at him like that.

“I'll love you till the poets run out of rhyme.”

“Until the twelfth of never and that's a long, long time,” Todd sings softly, finishing in a whisper as they slowly come to a stop. Suddenly, all the movement of the woods cease, the air stilling. Neil can feel Todd’s soft breath, feeling his head spin as Todd blinks slowly, the light making his eyes glisten. He’s absolutely, and utterly breathtaking.

Neil’s heart and every muscle of his body know what he aches to do, encouraging him to give in to the desire. The craving in his heart for months, buried under bouts of doubt and self loathing. Do it, he thinks, imploring himself to be brave, seize the day.

Then, the snap of a branch makes them jolt apart, the world returning to its place with a crack. Neil clears his throat. “Thank you for showing me this place, Todd. I really appreciate it.”

“Course,” Todd nods stiffly, averting his gaze as a blush creeps up his neck.

The pair walk back the same way they came, the atmosphere now charged with an energy between them. Neither dare to speak a word, feeling silenced by the gust of the wind.

Neil lays awake that night for hours, the vision of his lips on Todd’s coursing through his mind until he’s eventually pulled into sleep.

Part 2

#dead poets society #anderperry #todd anderson #neil perry #dps fandom #dps fic #dps #todd and neil #todd x neil #anderperry fic #anderperry fanfic #fluff

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regulusfate · 3 years

Text

Now I Bleed Internally Without You

[ Neil wishes to say happy birthday, Todd wishes he was mad ]

dead poets society — anderperry

tw: mentions of death , minor swearing , depictions of grief and sickness

“Todd”

A knee jerk reaction, his head moves before the stiff muscles in his neck can thwart him, sinking, his eyes are sinking like a rush of gravity into the pools of light dipping its way across the room.

There’s water in his mouth, gurgling at the back of his throat, some strangled noise ripping at his cords yet so dry - like parchment, but stretched out in the sand pinning his lips together in a single tight line. No noise at all, but he felt it striking the insides of his mouth like fraught air captured in a glass.

“Todd?”

A whisper, and they part. As though the stitches of the seams slackened to dust, dust like that gentle voice. He swallows, feeling his throat bob with the moment and a gentle seeping of heat to the palm of his hand, curling beneath the skin.

He knows who it is, he doesn’t need to look. But he does, every time.

There’s no shape, no figure to cast his gaze on, though his eyes follow the flicker of shadows and find the candle across the room and the chair where someone used to sit. Someone. He hadn’t uttered his name since the snow had melted, with it taking his every gasping breath until his lungs crumpled with the lines of his face and it too stole his tears.

The snow stole everything , so he kept a jar to make it pay.

Charlie said that was lie. Charlie said it was his last reminder.

Maybe he didn’t care what Charlie said. Fuck Nuwanda.

There’s something oddly amusing about that, the swear word dangling in the gap between the fragile flesh of his lips, clinging until it bore down like a splitting tooth and it rolled into a shudder of laughter.

The muscles in his back tensing and rolling forwards, and it trickles like a song from his throat. But it’s not a song, it’s rasping, guttural with a billowing ache as though the wind swept away the cold and tucked him in with a roaring heat that scorched his cheeks. It’s harsh and bitter and it burns his nose.

The room swims a little, and feels like a madman with a heaving breath, waiting for the world to fall.

Nuwanda .

Charlie had been expelled so what would he know.

Still, it was beginning to melt now, and somehow that made him feel worse. He thought it would be different watching the ice drown itself , if he screwed his eyes up hard enough he’d see a sinking hand like a tiny toy soldier and a martyr. He wasn’t sure what he thought anymore. Except for cold.

He wanted warmth.

“Todd ”

This time a noise does escape him, between a moan and a hushed sob and not for the first time he wonders if he were about to become the drowning soldier, sinking into some hazy escape and gagging until it crushed through his ears and left a hollow shell.

“God don’t,” he spits and his hands are shaking now, curled into the linen of his bed. “Please don’t”

It’s not real. That’s always the worst part, as if waking up from a dream and seeing an empty bed wasn’t bad enough. But it’s always worse when he’s awake. Because there is nothing when his eyes pop open, there is always nothing.

“Come on Todd ,” it makes him stop balling up the sheets between his fists for a moment, this was new. The whisper, the whisper was a torment, a single word that hurt the most because he loved the way it sounded on his tongue. And in his smile. And when their lips grazed lightly under the lamplight.

“Just hear me out ” there’s a smile in those words, a laughter, he thinks, it’s almost too faint as if being dragged away, and he resists the urge to open his eyes, to reach out.

He can’t get the words out, they're stuck, weighted down, and he swallows thickly around the lump in his throat but he can’t seem to make it work.

“Todd?”

Another sob now, and then anger, and he’s surging to his feet as the world sways harshly before his eyes and the papers on his lap collide with the cracks in the floor.

He’s up, rocking on the balls of his feat, a heat thrumming across his arms and rippling down his jaw, everything is tender like bruised flesh and he wants to curl himself up in the dark.

The world keeps moving in some blurring fashion, and his face is wet with the slipping rain down his pane of glass, his face taught like a mirror , a window thrust open to mercy of a storm.

He wants to scream.

It’s salty in his mouth.

He feels sick.

“Happy birthday buddy.”

And Todd wished he was mad, mad enough to believe, no, no mad enough to feel nothing and let those words become an array of painted colour streaked across the canvas of his mind. He wished to forget.

But that voice, he could never forget that voice. Him, his smile, his scent, his fingers tracing patterns across their skin, his eyes and their warmth, his strength until he couldn’t take any more. [ gone gone gone ]

“Hey .. Todd?” He jerks like before, pulled back to a swaying reality and it’s not whom he wants to see as he stands trembling in the low light, wishing it were flames to feel the heat. It’s Knox, he’s hesitant and there’s a muddle of figures behind him and Todd wonders if they were dismembered.

That’s a horrible thought , no he doesn’t.

Then why did he think it?

“ Neil ”

His lips are trembling too, and he feels their eyes wide on his form. He crumples.

He’s always the one falling, and it’s a bitter thought, but a morbid one that follows and he feels sicker than ever, because it was Neil who fell last, and he did not get back up.

“We’ve got you buddy,” their arms, his fingers curling into their clothes, and buddy , buddy fuck he couldn’t do this without Neil .

“Todd , Toddy come on ,”

Something cold touches his face, wet, dripping through his hair. It feels nice and horrible all at once and he breaths without permission , his limbs expanding beneath his skin without his call, and he’s slumping, without that voice to hold him.

It’s not Neil , so it won’t make him better. It’s not home.

#dead poets society #todd anderson #anderperry #neil x todd #neil perry #dead poets society fanfiction #anderperry fanfic #dps fanfiction #dps fandom #dps boys #dead poets society angst #dps #the title #is lyrics from #without you #the kid laroi

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ivyaugustetc · 3 years

Text

@poetrusicperry: so i struggle with describing myself bc i tend to leave details out/forget about certain things and also don't like being perceived so it causes me to leave out details sometimes, sigh. but with that being said, here we go lol:

i'm 5'2 with super dark brown hair, super dark brown eyes, and a black hoop lip piercing. i'm *severely* introverted and have a hard time finding people who don't drain my social battery (since it dies out a lot faster than the average person); my alone time is what keeps me sane, and i always prefer to do things by myself. there are times when i do get super clingy and want to be held or talk to people, though. i have a lot of struggles with anxiety and depression. i've played hockey for fourteen years and i play in college rn along with being a writing major. i love to read, write, watch movies (i prefer movies to shows), spend an ungodly amount of time at the beach/on the coast (the beach/coast is one of the only places i feel completely at ease). ii love letter writing/receiving letters and wish ii had a pen pal. if i'm not wearing leggings/sweats and a hoodie, i'm probably in mom jeans and a cropped tank top. i absolutely ADORE cold weather, and any kind of heat (past like 80ºf makes me feel really sick). i drink a *lot* of tea, get really startled by loud noises or jump scares, and listen to music at any chance i get. neil is my fav poet and i love todd bc we're very similar socially. i don't have many friends, though i'm usually the "mom" of the group. i like to wake up early to get the most out of my day and i'm a huge sucker for retro anything (typewriters, polaroids, turntables, vinyls, etc.). i think that's all heh. sorry it was so long, but thank you in advance !!<3 (oh one last thing, i wear two necklaces that i never ever take off, and bracelets that i never take off either)

i love all of this. all of it. thank you so much for sharing it all!! it gave me so much inspiration omg here it is:

ship: i'm going to ship you with my sweet boy pitts + i think you would be besties with anderperry

notes:

you and pitts would meet because his younger sister would want to play hockey and her team would practice the same place you practice

you become friends with his sister first. she thinks you're legit the coolest person ever and one day she drags you over to meet pitts and announces that she wants to be just like you

so you see him every time he goes to pick up his sister but you never really talk until welton and he's like "hey isn't that the one that i literally fell in love with and then forced myself to realize i'd never see again? i think i'm seeing her again"

he would become your safe space at Welton, if that makes any sense (but he understands that sometimes you need your space ofc)

normally i don't feed into tropes but you guys are the epitome of the small and tall trope it's simply,,,, adorable

you'd meet the rest of the poets and suddenly you and pitts are the parents of the group, making sure no one does anything too stupid and that charlie doesn't evaporate or sumn

when there were times when you were feeling down or upset or something, pitts would not hesitate to sneak you out of whatever was stressing you out and go sit with you somewhere for as long as you wanted and talk about whatever you wanted

i get the feeling you'd watch a lot of movies together and make a big, big list of all the movies you watched together and which ones were your favorite

no horror movies though because neither of you like jump scares

"wait, wait i liked that one. can we watch that one again?" "you gave it a 4/10." "it was a bad day! and you gave it a 9/10 so i know you liked it."

you would bond over liking tea over coffee no matter how much shit charlie would give you (he lives off of plain black coffee)

he would go out in the snow and have snowball fights with you because he knows how much you love cold weather even though he kinda doesn't but whatever you're there so it's nice

but he loves the beach too! so it works out!

pitts would recognize how much you love your jewelry and would agonize for MONTHS trying to find a necklace or a bracelet to give you

when he finally does find the perfect one and give it to you, literally nothing makes him happier than seeing you wearing it every day

okie dokie onto you and anderperry!

neil loves anyone that's passionate about anything. doesn't matter what it is, but if its something you'll talk about for hours, he'll listen

he is,,,, incredibly impressed that you stick with hockey for so long (and a bit envious that you had the means to pursue your passions but WHATEVER)

he eventually talks to you about acting and how much he loves it, and seeing you stick with hockey for so long reminds him that having passion for things isn't something that goes away easily, and it gives him hope :')

you want a pen pal? here's todd anderson, someone who wants THE SAME THING.

you would break the ice by talking about writing and poetry and vintage stuff (because he loves vintage stuff because it romanticizes the past and what is poetry if not romanticizing the shit out of everything)

and one day you make a small comment in passing about how you want a pen pal and he's immediately like "...yes." "what?" "you said you wanted a pen pal? i w-i'll-yeah. yes."

long story short, you and pitts are the parents of the group who keep everything from falling to shit and i love that for both of you <3

#dead poets society #dead poets headcanons #quinn writes

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ughgclden · 3 years

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💖salutations darling!💖 please, please, please forgive me for disappearing for a while. life really enjoys picking on those smaller than her. thanks to a friendly observer, the phrase "is very gay, does very crime" is now going to appear on my future resumè. do you remember typing this post?: "i cant stop thinking abt the anon who said they have a bit of a crush on me- come back i beg you’ve boosted my ego in ways you’ll never know" so i have a small confession to make. i never planned on writing love letters or sending cheesy pickup lines like this because i never thought you would notice. and yet, here we are. i also may have started listening to måneskin because you love them so much and they are really, really addictive. im starting to believe they're a group of gothic sirens. reminder: you are so fucking brilliant and you have no idea how bright you shine. you truly are the anderperry lovechild. stay beautiful, darling -honey<3 P.S, yes, i am proudly filipino.

honey!!! hello again my love!!! :D

i could never hold anything against you for your little disappearance - this world is so tiring and chaotic, it’s okay to take a break for your own wellbeing! im super glad you’re back, and i hope you’re feeling well and happier, you deserve it <3

im so glad you decided to start sending me these little asks - i swear they absolutely make my whole day. i smile like an idiot thinking about them if im honest. the fact you go through all of this effort for me? little silly old me? god i can’t believe it

getting ppl into måneskin will never not make me feel so powerful. i’m doing the lord’s work here! “a group of gothic sirens” is by far my new favourite way to describe them, i’ll be stealing that now. what are your favourite songs of theirs? i love for your love, morirò da re and fear for nobody most if i HAD to pick, but im obsessed with them all hehe

being called the anderperry lovechild is a compliment of the highest degree, it’s the greatest honour you could ever bestow on me. like our friendly observer mentioned, you are certainly the overton lovechild in all the best ways, so i guess we’re a pretty cool pair, hm?

as always, im sending so much love! look after yourself and take care sweetheart <3

(and that is so cool oh my god, im so glad you’re proud of your identity too lovely!!! the phillippines seems so pretty, i’ve wanted to go for a while now actually but shh)

#asks <3 #anon asks!#anon simp 🍓#long post

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ameliterature · 3 years

Text

Chameron One-Shot Cotinuation of (AnderPerry One shot)

Charlie/AnderPerry POV | Neil/Todd AnderPerry POV

Cameron wasn't a jealous type of guy, he just wasn't. Well- not until he heard Charlie call Todd 'cute'.

He wasn't particularly interested in Charlie or anything, but he did like the fact he initiated Study groups. He didn’t expect Charlie to be the type to like studying, let alone invite him to these kinds of things.

One of the study group nights, Charlie was absentmindedly staring at his work while Cameron was discussing trigonometry with Neil.

Among all the people in the group, Cameron felt he was closest to Neil, being in close academic ranks and attending nearly the same model-student activities. For the many similarities he had with Neil, he found it odd that he was friends with someone as spontaneous and unruly as Charlie. Cameron had to get used to Charlie constantly asking for help with his homework, from Neil or from Meeks, but rarely ever from him. (Never actually).

Sometimes, Cameron could tell if Charlie was listening in to his conversations with Neil, so he'd project his voice just a little louder to lend his friend a hand. Maybe he'd ask for his help eventually.

Tonight was no different, Charlie was just tapping his pencil on his notebook so Cameron did as he usually does with Neil.

"Hey Todd," Cameron hears Charlie beckon; he doesn't look up, but he suddenly stops talking about trigonometry for a moment.

"Mind helping me out with a poem too?"

Cameron doesn't know what this feeling was, the pit in his stomach forming. At wasn't anger, but it felt like it, it wasn't sadness, but it felt like it, it wasn't betrayal, but it felt like it. It just felt bitter.

It's not like Cameron's been hoping to help Charlie anyway, but he didn't expect Todd, of all people, to be Charlie's new choice. He's known Charlie longer and has exhibited way more academic aptitude that him; Why was Charlie asking Todd for help?

Cameron resumed math with Neil, who also seemed more silent- the same kind of silent he was.

"S-So... We'll use cosine to get X--" "Right, cosine-"

Cameron ignored the weird pang in his chest the whole evening, even taking an extra detour to the bathroom before dinner to clear his mind. But when he arrived at their table in the dining hall, he sees his spot beside Todd taken by Charlie.

Cameron takes a seat beside Neil. By the way Neil was slouching forward and gripping his spoon, Cameron knew better than to talk to him at the moment. When Todd excuses himself from the table, Cameron hones into the conversation Neil and Charlie were having.

"Hey Charlie," Neil says, his voice seeming a bit off. "Why the sudden change of seating arrangement? Thought I was your cute best friend."

"Well, I'm trying to get closer to Todd." Charlie replied and Cameron felt that weird feeling again.

"W-what? Why?" Neil's voice cracks.

"I dunno, he's pretty cute. Don't you agree?" Cameron actually looks up at Charlie, seeing his vivid smirk across his face. For some reason Cameron could taste his own bitter attitude.

"I'm thinking of asking him out soon. No one else seems interested." Charlie seemed to be serious. Cameron could never tell if Charlie was joking or just pulling a stunt, but at this moment, he couldn't be bothered to know the difference. All he knew was that his face was pale and that his heart felt broken.

As Todd returned, Charlie resumed how nice he was to Todd. Both Cameron and Neil were (at least to the rest of the poets ; sans Charlie and Todd) visually disinterested with dinner.

Perhaps it was all just his imagination, Cameron thought. These feelings were just an academic kind of jealousy- if anything. He couldn't be jealous about Charlie wanting to date Todd. He wasn't.

That evening, just when Cameron had thought his feelings subsided, Charlie approached him. He was often alone with Charlie anyway, it's not like this night was any different, and yet why did it feel like the air was taken from him when Charlie spoke to him softly.

"Hey Cam," Charlie was weirdly fond of nicknames, and Cameron was happy he wasn't excluded from this. "Mind if you leave the room for a bit? I'm gonna need some alone time with Todd."

"Wh-what? I mean- what for?" Cameron adjusts how he sat, just turning to Charlie by an inch.

"Just- I just need to focus on my homework with Todd." Charlie vaguely answers. Cameron was never good at trying to prevent someone from studying, so he went along with it. He went along with it even if Charlie's excited expression pained him.

With his notebook and a few text books, he decided to head over to Meeks' room, which was conveniently where Pitts and Neil were also hanging out in.

"Hey, what's up?" Pitts greeted, fiddling with coils and pliers.

"Do you guys mind if I hang out here? I'm just gonna do my reviewers for a bit."

"Sure, no problem." Meeks nods, still measuring out some amount of wires.

"Wait, how come you're not studying in your room?" Neil questioned, Cameron notes his expression properly this time. Neil was feeling the same thing as he was. Unlike Cameron, Neil would do something about his feelings, he'd probably march all the way to their room and tell Charlie off.

That's what Cameron realized- what the difference between him and Neil were, Neil wasn't scared of being friends with someone like Charlie. To be close enough to a flame and to know how to put it out when it became dangerous. Cameron was denying himself of that capability.

Cameron was too rigid and stuck to his own ways to be true to himself when he was with Charlie. Even when these coiled up feelings in his guts, Cameron was also lying to himself. He wanted to be friends with Charlie--well... at least that's as far as he could fathom their relationship to be.

"Charlie... he wanted to focus on his homework with Todd... Alone." Cameron's words were like a signal to Neil, telling him what he's too afraid to do.

Neil stood up, hastily leaving the room. The 3 boys remained in silence. "So-- Need help with your homework?" Meeks asked, helping Pitts screw in a part of their improved radio. Cameron sighed to himself, taking Neil's spot.

Strangely enough, Neil never returned to the group. Cameron assumed that maybe he resigned to his room, probably to sulk-- No, that's what Cameron would do-- Neil probably did tell Charlie off... So... Where was Neil?

With this thought, Cameron bid his friends a good night before returning to his room. He noticed Neil and Todd's room was closed and his and Charlie's room was open and silent. He still knocks on the open door.

"Yep?" Charlie responds. Cameron slowly enters only to see Charlie very much alone.

"What happened? I thought Todd was gonna study with you." Cameron slid into the room before closing their door.

"Ah, it's fine, seemed like Neil needed more help than me." Charlie was smiling to himself. Cameron, for a small second of seeing that grin, smiled back.

"Oh... right. So.. Can I keep studying here?"

"Yeah sure." Charlie nods, seemingly in a good mood.

Cameron took his spot at his desk, feeling his guts uncoil from relief. It was a weird feeling that passed through his body, like a cleanse that manifested the moment Charlie and him were alone.

"Hey Cam," Charlie called out to him again. It sounded like a sweet hum to him. "Could you help me out with my poem instead?"

"...Sure, no problem."

Cameron wasn't a jealous type of guy before he met Charlie. He wasn't a lot of things before he met Charlie. But ever since he's been roommates with him, all he's felt was him.

#chameron #chameron one shot #chameron fic #dps #dps memes #dps fanfiction #dps fanfic #dead poets society #fanfic #fic #one shot #jealousy trope

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