#but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make

[justwinginglife]

This Time, It's Different

Dedicated to the only person who will read this, my bestie @minasfwoopyponytail, yall I know I be doin Soshiro all the time, but I got on the Ranpo track cuz we were talking about Ranpo being in our top favs for BSD so I gotta show him some love today (I am so sorry that I bought Chuuya, Dazai, and Akutugawa merch and forgot about you Ranpo my love, this is my apology fic for you).

You were never good at lying. 

It was inconvenient in almost all aspects of your life, but you never thought your ineptitude would be the reason someone finally fell in love with you.

After many failed attempts at bending the truth, after attempting to tell your aunt you liked the socks she got for your birthday and instead unknowingly wrinkling your nose at them and breaking her heart, after attempting to tell your boss that you were busy and couldn’t come to work on a Saturday and when she asked follow up questions about your supposed plans you found yourself flushed and floundering, after attempting to tell your ex that you enjoyed meeting his family but then immediately declining any further interaction with them, after multiple awkward interactions and even more disastrous encounters, you decided to give up on lying. It wasn’t for you.

So you resigned yourself to the fact that you would have to tell nothing but the whole, honest truth for the rest of your life. Your lackluster lies may cause catastrophe otherwise. 

So when you joined up with the Armed Detective Agency, when you rejected Dazai’s advances by saying, “No offense Dazai, but I’m sure you say that to all the ladies, and while I’m flattered, I’m not into womanizers,” when you offered methods of stress relief to Kunikida because he “always looked like the world was ending,” when you asked when Furukawa would be retiring because you were concerned about him “overworking himself in his old age,” when half the detective agency was against you from your first day, Ranpo Edogawa found himself half in love with you already. 

He’d never met a person who didn’t -or just couldn’t- lie, even among his fellow coworkers, and he was at least intrigued by you if nothing else. He found himself eager to see just how far you were willing to go to continue telling the truth. 

Going forward, you often found him tagging along on missions with you, peeking over your shoulder while you worked, listening to everything intently, even despite your other coworkers telling you that Ranpo almost never went out of his way to be this personally invested in anything, just because he wanted to hear you talk, to see if you really told everyone everything you thought all the time. And to ask you questions. Lots of questions. 

Most of them were controversial because he wanted to see if you’d stick to your opinions even if you were in the minority, some of them were philosophical because he wanted to know the way your mind worked, and a few of them were just downright absurd because he was Ranpo. 

“Okay. So. You want to know if I would divert the trolley to save the lives of five by killing one?”

“Yes, and when you’re done with that, do you think that dress makes that girl’s butt look fat?”

“Mr. Edogawa, sir, I really don’t see how this is relevant to the case.”

“Oh it’s relevant, alright. Answer the question, I’m your superior and I wanna know.”

“Um. Alright. Well clearly it makes more logical sense to sacrifice the life of the one for the good of the many, just mathematically speaking, and yes, that dress is very unappealing on her, I don’t know why she went with white.” 

“Agreed, the white is hideous, you pass my tests. For now.”

And so this bizarre relationship of yours continued.

Ranpo would wait for you to finish up cases, would wait for you to finish in the bathroom, would wait for you to finish up dinner, just so he could pick your brain, just so he could amuse himself with your answers. But the more time he spent with you, the more his reason changed for spending the time. He was always attentive, had always had a keen eye, but when you were around, it seemed every last bit of his attention had devoted itself to you. He knew how long it took for you to finish going to the bathroom, so -much to your embarrassment- he always knew what you were doing in the bathroom depending on the length of time. He knew how long it took for you to eat and which foods took you longer amounts of time to eat them. He knew when it was your time of the month, he knew what you craved during said time, he knew the way you’d react when he brought you said craving. He knew almost everything about you and it still wasn’t enough. 

One day, he diverted from his usual barrage of insane questions and he started asking about you: what was your favorite food, where were you born, did you have any pets growing up, what did you like to do outside of work? By now, you had gathered from all his previous questions that he was just having fun interrogating you, but you enjoyed talking with him, so you answered all his questions regardless, personal or otherwise. You were unsure how telling him your favorite color was supposed to entertain him the way his usual ridiculous questions did, but you told him it was green anyway. He brought you a bundle of kiwis the next day because he couldn’t figure out what else was green to give you. You were unaware of the fruit’s connection to his question about your favorite color but to him, he’d pretty much just asked you out. 

When you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, because you were unaware he had feelings for you, and unaware he had just presented them to you through said kiwis, he pouted for the remainder of the day.

You couldn’t figure out why the man who had spent every waking second of your career with the ADA by your side had suddenly started avoiding you. You couldn’t figure it out, and it was killing you. Little did he know, you had also started memorizing details about him, and the way his laugh sounded, the way his lips curved into a smile, the way his fingers pushed up his glasses, the way he did anything and everything, the way he said anything and everything had you craving your next interaction before the previous one had even ended. And you couldn’t take the silence he had now forced you into. So you went on a hunt for him.

You found him sulking on the rooftop. 

You plopped down beside him without saying a word and when you could tell he might be preparing to run again, preparing to plunge your relationship into further silence, you handed him a Ramune. He froze. And then he snatched the drink out of your hand like it was just another Tuesday for the two of you.

“You remembered my favorite flavor, huh? Not too shabby for a second rate detective.” He chugged down the drink.

You laughed and nudged his shoulder with yours. “If I’m such a second rate detective, how did I know you’d be on the roof?”

He shrugged. “Got lucky, I guess.”

You bit your lip and for the first time in years, considered lying. But you couldn’t do it. “Actually, I didn’t just ‘get lucky.’ I knew you’d be on the roof. You always come to the roof when you’re upset. I notice more than you think. So tell me- why are you upset?”

He sighed. “You’re not into me. No one’s ever into me.”

You blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

He sighed again, this time more exasperated. “I gave you a gift, but you didn’t accept my feelings.”

You blinked again. “The… kiwis?? Ranpo. You always give me gifts. You gave me strawberries during my last period even though Yosano told you to get me chocolate because you know I like fruits better than chocolate. You gave me limited edition tickets to a play that was already sold out because you’d preordered it when you heard me vaguely mention that I liked it. You are always giving me things, and they’re perfect, and I love it, and I appreciate it, but how was I supposed to know this time was something different?”

He tapped a finger on his chin. “Yeah okay fine. I see that now.”

You inched up closer to him. “So… this time is different though?”

He suddenly blushed. “Yeah… this time it’s different. This time I wanted… well I wanted…”

“Me?”

He’s suddenly quiet and it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him like this. You’ve rendered him speechless and it’s impossible not to find it adorable.

You kiss him.

If he was speechless before, now he’s speechless and breathless.

“I just… you just…so we’re?”

You nod, smiling at him. “Yeah. We are.”

“We’re… together?” He squeaks out.

“I’d like us to be.”

He nods vigorously. “I-I’d like us to be too!” He blurts out.

You kiss him again and this time he savors the feeling of your lips melding with his. This time he kisses you back with fervor, with passion he never knew he could feel. This time, he’s all yours.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: I am too lazy to write a longer fic that delves into their relationship after this, but I did want to write a lil drabble about it, so I will be posting it here.

[theloonatic]

You love jurda parem

Hell yeah I do i drink that shit like the orange gatorade

[dioptasesystem]

I am of the opinion that more people need to blow things up just to see what happens

[f0rgetf0rgetting]

my first time doing a ship chart dont throw tomatoes at me guysh. im elaborating on the tags because im embarrassed. user f0rgetf0rgetting extreme yap session

i also got too passionate on the madoka magica one and ended up doodling this

[astralleywright]

How do you feel about Orym's deal with Morri?

There was something kind of funny about Liam getting increasingly obvious - 'ORYM HAS DARK VINES IN HIS VEINS. YOU CAN ALL SEE THIS.' and it still going unacknowledged, but now it just feels like a damp squib. (to me at least)

anon i had no fucking idea what a damp squib was. i thought you mispelled squid. it makes perfect sense now that i've looked it up-you damn british-and i agree but i was SO confused about what squids had to do with any of this

anyways, onto the actual answer-yeah. it's a shame, because its one of the most interesting decisions Orym has made, and maybe the most interesting one that has managed to stick around and inform the character, but. it's been treated so underwhelmingly so far that its hard not to think about it as such.

and i don't blame the other hells at all, really. they were on the moon! and then FCG died and who knew if Orym's deal was relevant any longer! one of their own spontaneously learning to teleport is just an average tuesday for them! (as i've joked before, they might just think its ashari shit! [FCG voice] he's doing it! his aramante!)

as someone who's been playing a similarly reticent and repressed character for the last year and a half in a weekly COfD game, one thing i quickly learned is that if you sit back and wait for the other pcs to ask, you might be waiting a really long time. if you're waiting for the other pcs not just to ask but to push and prod over your continued avoidance, you might be waiting forever. the other players are fallible, and probably don't know your character as well as you, and have their own characters as well as a billion other things to focus on. they may be too wrapped up in their own problems or the problems of the pcs who already shared to (or might simply be playing a character that would not) ask about yours.

take the confession during swordgate: it was in the middle of a tense situation where one of the party members (Laudna) was in clear emotional distress, two of them (Imogen and Ashton) were completely focused on her, and two of them (Dorian and Braius) didn't know what Orym even meant by it or that it was a secret up to that point. that left Fearne and Chetney, and Chetney may or may not have been asleep at the time. so that leaves Fearne. she clearly clocked it and has the most reason to care, but Fearne is honestly even more emotionally repressed and avoidant than Orym, and with all due respect to Ashley, she is not who i would rely on for "initiating rp conversations" and "remembering things."

(Also Fearne tried to check on Orym earlier that day and this was his response, so like.)

TTRPGS are collaborative, yeah, but i would argue that part of that is not leaving the responsibility of your own character’s development largely to the other players. Or if you do, accepting that you might be playing a character whose vivid inner life remains entirely hidden, and also that that might not be as interesting to the other players as the things they can readily interact with. Which makes it less likely for them to follow up on it, and so on, until "sold the rest of my life to a hag to protect everyone" kind of feels like a damp squib.

[elcucurucho]

every time you open minecraft it’s important to ask: how am I going to make things worse for my little guy today?

[strqyr]

shout out to beacon for being the only academy not in the middle of its city while also managing to have a defensible position on a cliffside.

the goal was to have the vaults & relics protected by warriors (at least ones in training) at all times, yet some people didn't get the memo and are closely surrounded by entire cities on top of that.

not that the relic necessarily is at beacon anyway, but at least it's acting as a perfect decoy.

sucks for the students, tho.

[essektheylyss]

Okay wait speaking of mid-battle forehead touch I REALLY gotta get around to my close reading of Eiselcross arc shadowgast interactions because when looked at in comparison the tower scene was a whole dtr conversation in the sense that they go from a kind of timid uncertainty (particularly on Essek's part, but also on Caleb's, especially when comparing normal Caleb to polymorph Caleb) to a distinct feeling of what I can only describe as an orbit—very much in tandem without being a discrete pair.

The conversation does not "define" the relationship in a romantic sense, but in the sense of an assurance of where their relationship stands and where it will, if they survive this, proceed from there.

[juwlie]

Whether I condemn this world or not: I choose you

[dvar-trek]

man, sid played that horny fucking avalanche game, carried the pens but still lost, and then said "if nate's dead-eyed intensity is what it takes to win, that's what i'm going to do. i will forcibly win us hockey games, whether the rest of this team remembers how to fucking skate or not." and i think that's so sexy of him.

(DISCLAIMER: this is a pro-nathan mackinnon blog; if you talk shit about him and his intensity i'll kill you)

[hana-bobo-finch]

Alt version of the dingus + lumiknoll I made the other day, this time with the holes of the lumiknoll blurred out for all the trypophobic dingus enjoyers out there 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[thegrayascendancy-if]

Game update

The Gray Ascendancy is a dark fantasy interactive fiction game where the flow is controlled by player's choice, set in the world of magic that is as capricious as its very first wielders. It tells a story of revenge, court intrigue, age-old ache, self-determination and agency, with the player straight at the core of it all. [learn more]

play on itch.io

In this release:

report to the Gray Regent

meet your one-sided rival

have an informative conversation with your handler (and try to be professional about it)

glean into the state of the affairs in the Daelan court

learn what twisted way you will be making up for your failure

Extra features:

the default font is set to be larger and darker

codex page expanded with small helper text to each entry

text corrections

fixed Arthur's title in the introduction

Coming in the next release:

packing

goodbyes (?)

new friends

If you see any errors, discontinuities, typos or bugs, please let me know in the askbox! Otherwise I'm happy to receive anything you have to say after reading, hope you enjoy!

[devilfish-landing]

PITTYOBER PROMPT 6: TRAVEL

"Where are you going?" Far away.

"Do you want to go there?" No.

"Is there anywhere you'd rather be?" Home.

~~~

(i turn to the camera to give a thumbs-up but my hands have been reduced to smoking nubs)

By all accounts. I should NOT have gone this hard on what was Meant to be a simple -tober piece, but when I was doing composition thumbnails for this prompt I was struck with a wave of inspiration and energy SO strong that I blacked out for three days and when I woke up this was done and exported and my tablet was running a 100-degree fever. Whoops. Still, I'm very proud of how this piece came out, but I don't think I'll go as hard on future prompts, to save my sanity, my wrists, and my poor, poor tablet abhjgebhj

Also ahee hee this is Another OC lore piece but I'm gonna put all that rambling below a readmore so I don't bloat the post too much!!!

(CLAPS HANDS) BRYNN.

I haven't talked about her as much as Orion for a couple of reasons, mainly being "I'm just not playing her rn lmao" and her story being WILDLY different from the like. base young pirate plotline bahjgbrejh

To sum it up, she was born and raised in Marleybone (somewhat in-line with her ingame origin, yay) by just her father-- as her mother had disappeared shortly after she was born (Shipwrecked origin), intent on joining their navy to support herself and her widowed father. And while she was successful in doing so, she was stationed far away in the skies between Port Regal and the Tradewinds in Skull Island-- forced to leave what little family and home she had behind. Not too fond of that, she was.

Things only get worse when she starts taking shady smuggling jobs out of necessity under the noses of both her superiors and stray Armada soldiers (Musketeer origin), leading her to befriend a certain wily Swashbuckler during a run in Scrimshaw, who briefly joins her cause and ends up throwing himself under the bus to protect her from getting busted by the Armada. Though, in the process, he kills a rather high-ranking officer during a duel and is tossed in jail, swiftly ending their rather short partnership. Whoops.

Unlike her short-lived partner in crime, she never does get busted for the illegal work she does-- but it is forced to come to a stop following the unrest in Marleybone later in the plotline, in which she finally gets to go home, but never in the way she wanted to. I'm so nice to her.

[mistress-light]

I just got the quotation for my air-condition installation. Totally worth it.

[rohirric-hunter]

Aragorn:

Me:

[dent-de-leon]

Listening to "Bedtime" from the Little Mermaid soundtrack and just,,,, thinking about how Taliesin said Molly was based on mermaids and not having a soul but Ariel gets her happy ending in the disney version and Kingsley gets a happy ending with the Nein and just,,,,

Taliesin Jaffe how dare you do this to me on this, our pride month

AH yes I love that Mollymauk is Taliesin's interpretation of a mermaid so much, it's so fascinating and tragic and bittersweet. Also, I just listened to the song and it's lovely. Makes me very nostalgic.

But yeah, that clip of Taliesin explaining his initial pitch for Molly still just breaks my heart. His acknowledgement that, "Mermaids are fucked," because they supposedly exist without a soul, "Empty" and eternally doomed from the start...it's just so tragic. "I want a body where the soul left, and the body just kept moving. Whatever was in there got pulled out, and went to the Raven Queen. And they just kept walking, like a mermaid--no soul....just someone who was a total blank slate."

And while he does get the fairytale happy end and get to live on with his loved ones, I think Tealeaf's narrative very closely mirrors the darker aspects of Hans Christian Andersen's original version. Especially given the premise of a being without a soul--someone who was supposed to be forever Empty, yet still became whole--

And one of my personal favorite mermaid parallels: A deal made with a witch for an impossible dream. Offering up a vital part of yourself in exchange for a false hope that can never truly be. To me, it echoes both Lucien's own family bargaining away their child to a hag--as well as Lucien later offering himself to the Somnovem. He might not have known Azrahari always planned to keep him as one of her puppets--"My beautiful boy...I had hoped to make you mine one day. What a perfect specimen you would have made. Oh, how you would have been merry with laughter and dance..." But he always lived in fear that it was a possibility.

His parents abused both him and his siblings, were willing to offer up one of their two remaining children to a witch for some fantasy; they passively stood by while they forced Lucien to lure victims to a deadly hag as a mere child--marks who were often bandits, murderers, and monsters as surely as the witch. Abandoning Lucien to them and Azrahari both. Azrahari, who promises she can finally make Lucien happy, return him to those childhood days of song and laughter and dance, if only he would let her carve out his soul--

Again and again, Lucien is promised happiness and safety at the cost of his own freedom and autonomy. The witch can take all his pain away, he just has to surrender all his willpower to her. Exist forever as a hollowed out, Empty shell, her glassy-eyed cadaver of a doll to puppet and put on display.

And the Somovem can make all of his dreams come true, can make his fairytale Once upon a time and happily ever after a reality, he just has to submit to their thrall completely. And, like with the Little Mermaid, it will also come at the cost of unimaginable pain. A girl who can dance beautifully, but every step feels like shards of glass in her feet. The pain of her transformation never leaving her. The Somnovem promising Lucien the whole world, and when he asks what it will cost, they decree, "Pain and pain and pain. A dear price for a man, a pittance for a king, and nothing to a God, cosmically ordained."

And while the Little Mermaid longs to meet her love, she also mourns the fact that, while mermaids live far longer than humans, they have no immortal soul. No eternity or gods or heaven awaits them. They merely fade away, dissolve into seafoam and cease to be. (Just a body without a soul, an abandoned vessel. Hollow. Empty.)

I don't think it's a coincidence that's the fate that awaits all mermaids--and that when Lucien dies, his soul is scattered into dust across the Astral Sea. "It's one thing to be in a different body, it's another to have your very essence scattered. Your very immortal soul divided into pieces, like so much confetti. I believe you seemed to fall for one of those pieces that stuck behind..."

To me though, a parallel that really stands out is the narrative culminating in a decision where you have to either kill someone you love or turn that blade on yourself. Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid is granted a last gift at her darkest hour--a way out where she doesn't have to fade away into nothingness. A chance to live on with her family beneath the sea--a family who loved her enough to barter with the sea witch for one last chance at her freedom. And all it will cost is a dagger through the prince's heart.

But of course she can't bear to go through with it. She tosses the witch's dagger into the sea and falls after it to her death, choosing to sacrifice herself instead of the person she loves. And Mollymauk? When faced with the reality that he could only save the Nein by tearing apart Lucien--and himself along with him--he doesn't even hesitate.

He digs his claws into his own wound and lets himself fall to pieces. He never once thinks of self preservation, tries to barter or plead or find a way to save himself at the last moment. He knows either the Nein will survive or the Nonagon will--and perhaps through him, a part of Molly, even just a piece--but he chooses a painful, agonizing death over Lucien's warped perception of godhood and eternity.

All Mollymauk has ever wanted was to live--in spite of how harsh and cruel the world always was to him. He still wanted nothing more than to walk Exandria and fill that clawing Emptiness with joy and love, have just one more day out of the grave to live and feel and be almost real. And still, he chooses to offer up himself if it means sparing everyone else. When Matt narrates Kingsley's nightmares of Cognouza, he emphasizes that to Tealeaf, "It was worth it. It was worth it." As long as it's to protect the people he loves, letting himself pay the blood price will always be worth it--

"Looking out from within your prison, pushing against your invisible bonds--when your heart found the strength, giving all that you are to help those who gave you purpose in return. It was worth it. It was worth it...The moment you gave yourself and broke your prison. The lights, so many around you free to move on. The warm catharsis of letting go..."

Like the merfolk of the original tale, when Mollymauk sacrifices himself, it's not just death that he faces. It's total oblivion. Offering up all that he is. And he does it gladly.

But when the Little Mermaid sacrifices herself, she is welcomed by warmth, and light. Given a chance to earn an immortal soul through good deeds. And by the same token, when Mollymauk tears apart both the Nonagon and himself, he falls back into the Moonweaver's welcoming embrace. Given another chance by both her and the Wildmother--divine, higher powers that looked at this supposedly "Empty" vessel and saw a warm, bleeding heart. A "forgotten fragment" that was loved so much--and loved so fiercely and selflessly in turn--they became real and whole.

“Light gathers around the body, the magic attempting to reach out into whatever space holds the souls here in the Astral Sea, as so many go scattering outward now to search for one. A fragment of one. Or is it a whole one? If souls can grow from but a piece…”

I think it's both terribly tragic and heartwarmingly bittersweet that Mollymauk's ending echoes the Little Mermaid's own--a gutting sacrifice that leads to hope and a new beginning. A second chance and a soul made whole. Being saved and held together by the very love you sacrificed yourself for. It's also suitably a very romantic end to me, which fits Tealeaf perfectly. And the fact that the character who was inspired by mermaids goes on to become a pirate king...I do wonder if Taliesin did that on purpose, because I think it's adorable--

Anyway, I love Mollymauk, and all the Little Mermaid parallels, and wish we could listen to Taliesin talk about mer inspired Molly more. Also, this bit of character building makes mer widmauk one of my favorite au's--