#but it still makes my heart hurt. idk! i was trying to reconnect w the second girl in hs. we did some stuff together the summer after grad.

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 02/12/2024:

hello! reader with intense ‘all my love’ universe brainrot, I’m pretty sure your work actually changed my life lowkey HAHA I explored the music that you put into it and I can now say I’m listening to more 80s’ rock/alt and the song from the title was my top Spotify song for the last few weeks! (along with the 80s’ stuff heh) I literally made a playlist dedicated to this fic and I even was able to sorta reconnect a little with my older brother over the music which.. has shaped aspects of our siblingship..? (lol) now but I can’t thank you even more, I feel like the title itself reflects the amount of care and love you yourself put into this, anyways (sorry about the rambling LOL) I just wanted to reach out with a lowkey very angsty headcanon I had LMAO basically, and maybe because it was like semi recent idk I’m terrible with time HAHA, I was wondering/exploring how wooje’s birthdays were celebrated while he was still in his no-contact era away from home. I thought that it would be a day everyone would always remember and it would be this unspoken heavy weight that intensified the almost-family’s longing for their baby, I was like maybe minseok would bake his favorite flavor of cake or whatever and just have it sit on their dining table untouched, staring at it and spacing out till minhyung brought him back, or maybe all of them would meet up and just do something as a collective that reminded them of wooje without saying anything but would kinda wait to see who would be the first to say his name out loud. at the same time wooje celebrating with jojo, the idea of jojo just failing to attempt to bake smth for wooje and somehow trying to incorporate mayonnaise into it (ew I’m sorry HAHA) always makes me smile (cause I don’t wanna dump too much angst LOL) but anyways those were just some thoughts I had circulating my head along with ones just regarding more deeply on what the almost family had experienced and felt during this distance (ofc feel free to give your input), as always I’m so thankful for your amazing writing and I’m always supporting and heavily admiring your work, take care of yourself! <3

okay i think you blew my mind with this submit um. thank you. you're welcome? im so happy you loved the music and i am so. SO happy/glad/astonished that you managed to reconnect with your older brother. bonding over music>>> (also um wow.)

as for the headcanon ih my GOD just stab me through the heart will you?? THATS SO ANGSTY... HELP MEEE... tho minseok in aml universe is such an interesting character because like... while wooje is no functioning/low functioning depression, minseok is definitely high functioning depression. he pretends nothings wrong but he's still falling apart on the inside. during the four years he mainly focuses on starting his business and working every day. hes a people pleaser. i think really the only person he would ever open up to would be minhyung, really. everything he does is unspoken from caring for woojes grandpa to cleaning woojes house when it became vacant. he'll do things and not talk about the reasoning or emotions behind them. he bottles stuff up until he explodes. while this headcanon is so good and sad i honestly think they wouldnt do anything in particular..? i mean, itd be a harder day for them. they miss him, so any time of year wooje would typically be in--birthdays, halloween, christmas--would be hard. rather than an outward display of their heartache i think it'd be more internal. they feel lonelier than usual, so minhyung and minseok would have each other, and hyunjoon would probably go to sanghyeok's and seongwoong's for dinner. they just cant be alone, because theres a wooje-shaped hole there. but all that being sad, four years is a long time. it gets a little easier each year. it hurts a little more each milestone. i think, when woojes gone, they do talk about him in passing, though its a tough subject at times. you know, sometimes its cheery and "i wonder how woojes doing!" and other times its.. "i wonder how hes doing." back and forth. some have healed more from it than others. i think its a partly healed scar until he arrives back home, and he sort of rips them open again (but thats sort of necessary to properly patch it back up. like they were wonky and badly fitted stitches that didnt allow for proper healing.) whew that was an accidental paragraph im so sorry.

as for jojo he is so low effort he probably buys a safeway cake and they eat it with their hands. cutie pies :> i love them

again, thank you soo much for the comment and the headcanon i loved them so much and brainrotted and though abt it bc... i never really thought about how they would treat woojes birthdays before this!! im so glad and so touched you like this fic so much. i hope you have an amazing day <3

[ladyimaginarium]

okay so. ive been thinking about this for a hot minute & i was inspired by what chelazon leroux ( which incase yall dont know who he is, he was on canada's drag race season 3 & he's an indigenous drag queen ) said on tiktok. & like i& rarely go on tiktok these days but something he said got my attention & was basically repeating what ive been thinking for the last few months or so &. that's the topic of like. making fun of outsiders who genuinely want to try & be respectful of our communities & have their heart in the right place & now in my case im thinking of making fun of reconnecting natives on just. not getting things right. & that really bothers me. & like obviously it's important to be informed & to guide others in the right direction. there are reconnecting natives who're earlier in their journeys & there are more advanced reconnecting natives who've been reconnecting for quite a while now & in my& case it's been 5 years now, half a decade. idk about you but for me at least i always compare it to a baby learning to walk for the first time. i wouldn't criticize a child for falling when they're still learning to walk for the first time. like, obviously we're all adults & we need to be aware & listen to connected natives but like when someone's coming to understand something about their culture, do you expect them to be an expert on the first day lmao. or the first year or maybe even the first few years even? like. no? lmao. like.

ik in my case i'm STILL learning bc a lot of things about my nations in particular are lost due to genocide, colonization & forced assimilation of so many families, my own included. & like. even in my case i didn't know everything at once, it all came in small little pieces throughout my lifetime. i often had to find my own resources on the internet & actually reach out to several groups bc i'm non-status ( & i'm going to try to get enrolled but we'll see how that goes ) but it's hurtful to be criticized for not knowing something. it's weird. like. how can you expect someone to understand something when they're still figuring things out. idk. i just think it's interesting bc like. we have more & more reconnecting natives popping up & learning about their cultures & that so important bc most (in my case) canadianborn (& ik this applies to other places like america) citizens show half as much if ANY interest in our peoples, history & cultures unless we're dead (literally look at how people reacted to the r/esidential schools, the last one closed in 1996 y'all, thats literally four years before i was born) or symbols of the past let alone engages with us & some ppl's first reaction is to. criticize them for not getting things right? bc we've been fighting for awareness & recognition for so long & to have an understanding & to finally bridge gaps between our communities, indigenous or otherwise, when it seems like it's finally happening, whether it's from reconnecting natives who genuinely want to reconnect (& no, i'm not referring to reconnecting natives who solely reconnect for social media points in indigicourse & act like they know everything about native cultures when they literally Just started reconnecting & act like an indigenous activist the next day & take 0 interest in ACTUALLY learning anything about their culture, language & community let alone fighting for it, believe me, i've dealt w/ someone who did this, or taking advantage of their communities or pretendians aka ppl who literally pretend to be native for clout or money, im not talking about any of that) or just. nonnative outsiders who genuinely want to understand, our first reaction is to criticize them & not even tell them why? like. why are we as native people criticizing reconnecting natives when they're literally still learning about their own native cultures. of COURSE they're gonna fuck up. of COURSE they're gonna make mistakes. of COURSE they're not gonna be perfect. hell, I'M not perfect in this & even when i do my own research & do my best to talk to elders & do every single thing i'm asked to do & i do my very best to do things right, i'm still gonna make mistakes. im not an authority figure or anything & i dont claim to be.

no one's flawless in learning something. &. like ik others have talked about this too but i find a lot of the online native community are like. very gatekeepy & hypercritical about this shit & it looks critical & i dont understand why & i don't think it's right ESPECIALLY bc so many of us were forcibly removed from our cultures and communities. like. can you imagine how hurtful that is for people who're still learning about themselves because they're not doing [x] right or they're somehow not native enough bc they don't look traditionally native or not fighting hard enough for someone's standards. that's like. a slap in the face. & if we're gonna talk about bridging gaps between communities of course it's gonna be messy. ofc it's gonna come w/ misunderstandings. luckily i dont see this v often on the hellsite but its RAMPANT in twitter & tiktok. like. idk. sometimes i think we need to chill tf out lmao.

[cryolyst]

~

[marvels-writings]

Hey! Are you willing to write a Carol x R involving a best friend who was separated from other best friend for whatever reason (maybe a childhood crush and homophobic parents? idk) and then both grew up and ran into each other, reconnected/fell in love for real? possible plot twist, with R being on the Avengers, but disappearing during snap, and Carol doesn't find out its R until during or after the final battle? please make it angsty w/fluff

Lost Crushes (1)

A/N: Okay the request confused me a little, Carol knows its R the second they introduce. This is gonna be a long series tho. (m/n means mother name. f/n means father name). And for the record, I DO NOT SUPPORT HOMOPHOBIA OR DISCRIMINATION OF ANY FORM

Warnings: Homophobic scene (kinda in detail, sorry)

You tiredly made your way from your bed to the kitchen of the compound, completely exhausted from the mission and your current lack of sleep. Currently, you couldn’t stop having dreams, almost nightmares about your best friend, Carol Danvers. 

Usually girls got their first crush while watching TV and thinking ‘wow that guy/girl is hot’. You on the other hand, had gotten your first crush while watching Carol race when the two of you were 8. She got hurt, but didn’t really care to be honest. She was pretty, willing to stand up for herself, and nice. 

You groaned and chugged a glass of water, you hadn’t seen her in years, the two of you had gone separate ways, thanks to your parents…

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“No y/n, this is not normal.” M/n yelled angrily, her fist slamming on the table causing you to flinch. 

Little 5 year old you swirled your fork in your spaghetti and meatballs. With expired sauce. 

“But we just kissed,” You replied earnestly, causing both of your parents to groan and sit down on either side of you. “It’s not that big a deal.”“IT IS A BIG DEAL!” F/n shouted, banging his fist on the table, you looked up at him in fear and shocked. He lowered his voice slightly. “You can’t just, KISS A GIRL! You’re spoiling our reputation!”

“We are NOT going to be dealing with a lesbian when we move to New York,” M/n said and got up, you were shocked as you looked up at her. “Are we sweetie?” She asked, almost threatening as she started emptied the dishwasher. 

“We’re moving to New York?” You asked, your fork dropped, your dad sighed. Not a tired sigh, an angry frustrated sigh. 

“Thanks to you.” He muttered and got up to comfort his wife. 

The next day you went to Carol’s house to find her parents wouldn’t let you in. Her brother came to the door and apologized but sent her away. But one thing you remember distinctly is hearing faint sobbing from Carol’s room. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It’s a memory you definitely wanted to forget. You had moved away, well kind of got kicked out by your parents for your sexuality the second you were able to support yourself. The first thing you did, attend a LGBTQ+ pride parade, then sent them a flag by mail. 

It was fun after you moved out, you got a job in SHIELD after working in a coffee shop for sometime. You got the job through Fury when he’d come to the cafe. After watching you kick the ass of two homophobic assholes, he decided you should come to SHIELD with him. 

One thing led to another, and you, Coulson and Fury were working for SHIELD and on the case of a mysterious blonde breaking into Blockbuster. You sat it out, deciding to collect data instead of getting with everything. 

Turned out, the blonde was trying to warn everyone about some alien race invading the planet. Once Fury saw it, he tried to pursue the blonde, who’s name he said was Vers. weird name. He paged the entire team to come help him with the alien, you had to go of course. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You saw Fury running away with someone and took a deep sigh, deciding to go with them and sending Coulson back. You weren’t supposed to be on the mission anyway so no one would notice you were gone, plus they needed help. 

“Carol?” You asked, dazed as you stepped back from the crates the three of you were hiding behind. 

You had seen the pictures in Maria’s home of her. You had been close friends with Maria before you had to move to NYC, but you found her number in an old phonebook and kept contact with her, visiting when you could. 

It always pissed you off how you’d found the phonebook and visited after Carol’s plane had crash landed. 

“Who?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowed under the SHIELD hat. She looked different, the NIN white t-shirt and black jeans made her look, well, like she was still the same. The same from the pictures, the same from the stories. 

“I’m Vers,” She introduced, then turned her attention back to the situation. You were stunned, after everyone got onto the plane, Fury explained everything he could to you. 

5 years ago the plane had crashed, 5 years ago Carol had left, now Carol was back. 

Maria was gonna have a heart attack. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

“Y/n?” Maria questioned, ducking out of her large camp behind the house. Monica ran out of the plane she was fixing and quickly ran over to hug you. 

“Auntie y/n!!” She exclaimed, running over to you and hugging you, you signalled Carol and Fury to stay in the plane until you could explain a few things to Maria. 

“What the hell are you doing in that?” Maria demanded, hands on her hips. She seemed more worried than aggressive. 

“Um, long story, but you remember Carol right?” You asked, Monica nodded against you, pulling away slightly with one arm still around you. Maria nodded grimly. “So-”

“Auntie Carol?” Monica questioned, then quickly removing herself from you and running over to Carol and hugging her. “See I told you she wasn’t dead!” Monica looked up at Carol to see no recognition. 

“I’m not who you think I am.” Carol confessed hesitantly as Monica pulled away. 

“Come, come inside, all of you.” Maria said quietly, heading inside. You followed right next to her, putting on arm on her shoulder and trying to explain the best you could. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

After everything was explained, the three of you sat, chatting while Fury and Monica went to get Carol’s things. 

“This is some crazy shit.” You joked, leaning back in the seat. Carol’s eyes quickly scanned over you before smiling. Maria sent a weird look her way before nodding. 

“Mind your language.” Maria reminded, nodding her head towards where Monica was excitedly running in. You raised your hands in defeat, causing them to chuckle as they bantered over what happened the day she disappeared. 

You couldn’t help but watch Carol, she was just so, so pretty. She flicked some hair out of her eyes once in a while, attracting your attention to her eyes. They were a beautiful mixture of green and hazel with gold specks in between. 

“Auntie Carol we found your things!” Monica yelled from the other room, breaking you from your trance. Maria saw how the two of you kept staring at each other and smirked, you knew that smirk but spoke before she could. 

“Let’s go, maybe you’ll remember something.” You stated, quickly. Carol looked up at you and Maria in confusion. You rolled your eyes and grabbed her wrist, pulling her over to the table. 

“This is gonna be a long day.” Maria joked as the three of you approached the table. 

Yeah, yeah it was. 

Tag list:  @capcarolsdanver, @versdan, @lesbian-girls-wayhaught, @lovebotlarson, @dhengkt, @5aftermidnight, @hstoria, @natasha-danvers, @veryfunnyal let me know if you’d like to be in any of my tag lists!

A/N: This is gonna be a really long story cause I wanted a perfect backstory. So, stay tuned, ew im never saying that again. Feedback is amazing, thanks!

Part 2

Part 3

[beneathtreemomo]

For the character thing!! Yukimura Hyouga, Gouenji, Kidou, OH and that guy, Fidio Aldena, was his name? Along with Fudou. (I have to run and sleep, so goodnight ^_^)

Night night hun! Sleep well and talk to you tomorrow/later today! The rest are under the cut!Yukimura Hyouga:     How I feel about this character: He is a precious smol snow leopard cub with a mischievous streak a mile wide by the time he turns 15 and I will fight canon for his backstory and give him the best one possible in fanfic where he is loved and just grumpy instead of betrayed and hurt like too many kids in this series are. (in short: PRECIOUS BABY WILL LOVE AND PROTECT)     All the people I ship romantically w/ him: Never actually crossed my mind to ship him with anyone (probably because in Yoru’s universe he’s still 5 and hasn’t had to deal with it yet xD) BUT I read your fic and now I will gladly ship him with Itetsuki because the way you write them is pure adorable.     Non-romantic OTP w/ him: I am a firm shipper of Hyogua & Hakuren, Hyouga & Healing, and Hyouga & Fubuki bros. Just soft healthy platonic relationships all around :3     Unpopular Opinion of him: ?????? I don’t know?????? I’m not into fandom stuff idk what their opinions of him are xD. I guess mine is that he had a childhood crush on Fubuki that later turned into him putting him on a pedestal. Like, the type of crush that your friend’s little sibling or the kid you babysit has where they insist they’ll marry you when they’re older. Not an actual romantic crush during his teens. And then he ended up transitioning from a crush to hero-worship since Fubuki is probably the first adult to believe in him/ see his potential in a long time. So that would lead to him feeling betrayed when Fubuki suddenly disappears off the grid w/o so much as a goodbye.     One thing I wish had happened in canon: LITERALLY ANY BACKSTORY PAST SHIROU TRAINING HIM. ACTUAL INTERACTIONS BETWEEN HIM AND HIS TEAM. MORE OF HIM AND HIS TEAM AFTER THE MATCH WITH RAIMON.

Gouenji Shuuya     How I feel about him: Cool loner boi with a heart of gold and daddy issues who isn’t actually a loner and would die or kill for his friends and family and I would gladly be his friend if I met him. Hopefully. If not friends I’d still have mad respect for the kid if he just let down some of those walls.     Romance ships: Honestly the only romantic ship I can get behind with him is Shirou because A) Fire and Ice, B) they compliment each other so well, and C) THE CHEMISTRY. Like, they’re just perfect for each other in a way that’s so subtle but so caring and it’s really hard for me to see either of them with anyone else after it.     Non-romantic ships: Break Trio, Gouenji & Yuuka (loving sibling relationship ftw!), Gouenji & Toramaru. I don’t really know what else to say, I love their dynamics, I just don’t see them as more than friends xD And again: HEALTHY LOVING SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS FOR THE WIN     Unpopular Opinion: ….. another I don’t know, I’m afraid xD Even more so since I don’t have a single clue what fanon even does to him, really. I guess... that maybe when the situation call for it he shows more than a tick of a smile? Like, it’s probably OoC but I feel like if he needs to talk to someone about something super important (like, for instance, Shirou’s mental breakdown after Okinawa) he’d end up expressing a lot more than he lets on. He may keep his emotions from showing on his face, but I feel like he’d accidentally let more slip in both expression and tone if he’s focused on something else.     One thing in canon: More of his struggle in his stay w/ Hijitaka would have been nice. Especially with the younger kids! Gouenji’s so soft with kids, it’s adorable!Kidou Yuuto     How I feel about him: Eh, he’s ok I guess xD Honestly can’t even think of a silly thing to say about him even though I know there are plenty out there. He’s just... not that spectacular to me. Don’t get me wrong-- he’s really cool! A really good strategist and his struggles with coming out from under Kageyama’s control make for an interesting character! He’s just not a fav or a character I feel strongly about.     Romance ships: Wow this is really showing my one-track “faves only” brain because I honestly never thought about it???? I guess maybe I can see something with Sakuma? But honestly I can’t see him or don’t really want to see him romantically with any of the characters.     Non-romantic: Break Trio, Kidou & Teikoku, Kidou & Otonashi, Kidou & Fudou. Some nice deep friendships and another healthy sibling relationship after they’ve been separated for at least a few years? Heck yeah, sign me up!     Unpopular Opinion: Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if me not finding him all that amazing is an unpopular opinion xD I don’t even know why I’m not a fan of him, but I’m not! *shrugs* just happened to be the way the cards fell, I guess.     One thing in canon: Uhhh more home life outside of the team? Him and Otonashi starting to reconnect outside of school would have been nice. *gasp* it would have been awesome to see him hanging out with Teikoku casually after he transfered to Raimon!Fideo Ardena     How I feel: He’s a cutie! I love how he’s so interesting in Endou (and by proxy, InaJapan) and honestly while I wasn’t super interested in other teams the first time I watched Inazuma Eleven, after nearly a decade and actually getting a friend who’s from Italy, it made me so dang happy to see him! I was just like “Hey!!! He’s from ‘Milla’s country!!! Yay go Fideo!!!” and idk I’ve had a soft spot for him since xD     Romance ships: Another don’t have ‘em character, sorry xD I guess I can see him having a bit of a crush on Endou, but also feel free to ask me this again once his appearances in the show are fresh in my mind xD     Non-romantic ships: Fideo & Orpheus and Fideo & Rushe! A shame they weren’t close in the anime; I would have liked to see that.     Unpopular Opinion: N/A; I don’t know enough about fanon or about him to give an opinion, sorry xD     One thing in canon: HIS! RELATIONSHIP! WITH! RUSHE! were they actual siblings? how did they meet? WHY WAS HE THE ONE SHE WAS CLOSE TO IN THE GAME. WHY NOT ORPHEUS IN GENERAL?!Fudou Akio     How I feel: He is a little gremlin who acts like being mean and angry at everyone is fun but actually he’s just a prickly pear cactus protecting himself from others in case he gets hurt again and while he’s a jerk he’s actually super cool and his jerk-ness is acceptable. (in short: *in the tune of He’s A Tramp* he’s a jerk but I like him)     Romance ships: Don’t have any! He’s too prickly with everyone xD I mean, him and Kidou are cute but I can’t see it as romantic as it’s too near “well, I guess you aren’t as much of a jerk as I thought, but I still can’t trust you” for me. Sure, they work out their differences, but idk it’s too hard to see as romantic xD     Non-romantic: Kidou & Fudou, Fudou & Teikoku, Fudou & OG Hiroto, basically everyone who went “Oh come ON” since they weren’t stuck in the past w/ him and the others were screwing up perfectly reachable passes when Fudou was finally allowed to play in a match in FFI.     Unpopular Opinion: another N/A, sorry!     One thing in canon: I would have loved to actually see him trying to form friendships instead of always being a loner? Like, he gets close enough to them to be friends eventually, but we never actually get to see it? And that makes me a little sad. All we really see is him kinda pushing the others away while saying slightly less mean things to them and him and Kidou coming to an understanding, and idk I just feel like seeing him interacting more with the team off field w/o someone getting a bit mad or disgruntled would have been nice.Thank you for asking about these guys!

[kelsisboring]

MY ABC’s

Reflection on @taylorswift related things to avoid thinking about TS7

A)I’m not on tumblr enough

B)I’m not on twitter enough

C)I honestly still mess up the words to songs I’ve known for 13 years

D)I have been a swiftie for 13 years

E)I have passed my love of TS on to my step daughter, and it has brought us together in an amazing way! Five year olds are amazing!

F)I forgo lots of social media time because I’m really trying hard to pursue my dream of being a doctor one day. Having two kids is big job, and tough to balance that with also being a student and also teaching English, but ILL GET THERE ONE DAY

G)I spend a lot of time crafting and occasionally discussing things that don’t have to directly deal with Taylor

H)idk if I’ll ever get SS or to meet Taylor because SHE wants to meet me, but she has given me music for my whole adult life and most days, that’s enough. Some days I would really just like a taylor hug tho

I)I’ve never felt so connected to any version of taylor until rep era. I don’t recognize TS1-TS5 Taylor immedietly because I think like her, I’ve parted ways with versions of myself that I let others force into the spotlight. Defending taylor to people who called her such hurtful things made me think twice before saying anything about anyone else and hoping the same was extended to me

J)I’ve been batting depression hardcore my entire life, but the past year has been exceptionally rough. Without my role models like Taylor, I, like Taylor, could never have arrived here. I’m a collection of moments and too often I dwell on a handful of bad ones and let them define me. I don’t let “bad” moments define who taylor is in my mind; her actions, words and persona do that. I need to trust in myself, and treat myself like I treat taylor in my mind. Taylor is amazing, but I need to remember she isn’t the sun, I am. BUT SHES ALSO A REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND BRIGHT STAR 🌟

K)I listen to “all too well” and to me it describes the relationship between my mother and I. I wish I had what taylor and her mom had, but my mom hasn’t grown up. She’s let a lot of her demons win, and it’s unfortunate the amount of hell I’ve let her put me through. But Taylor has taught me to love no matter what, and you will still win

L)yeah, it feels good to win that argument you practiced in the shower but often times you regret it afterwards; I feel like I remind myself over and over “what would taylor do”? And it’s not lash out unless you’ve been stepped on, and even so, doing it with dignity and grace; stooping to someone else’s level isn’t worth it.

M) I know in my heart of hearts that Taylor and I would be best friends if we met in college or some other organic way. She’s just that kind of person; when you know, you know. Like you know about a good melon.

N) i secluded myself from the world a lot but I feel so much like myself when I interact with Taylor nation/swifties because we all just love each other because we love Taylor and honestly that and a game of dodgeball could change the world forever

O) I often hope that I make taylor proud

P) I’ll never get over the feeling of listening to new taylor music. I took it for granted until 1989; the first time I went out, day of, to get the album after class. I listened to it in my car everyday for idk how long. I already loved taylor, but 1989 made me feel like I knew taylor. After that I went back and reconnected with SO MUCH from her past discography and my love for her grew still!

Q)though I didn’t connect with taylor until 1989, I honestly thought Red was written about my LITERAL life. College was a rough time for me, and also the best time of my life. AND IT WAS RED

R) sometimes swifties blow my mind with how amazing and unique they are. They are literally everything.

S) do you ever watch rep tour and watch the smile on Taylor’s face as she looks out at the crowd? When she used the wristbands to connect with EVERY SINGLE PERSON in that place. She used it to show her gratitude, I think. To show us that this tour, and every tour really, was for us.

T) at the end of the day, Taylor is human and deserves a life!

U) sometimes I wonder if TN thinks I’m just trying to tweet and blog for attention and to meet Taylor. Like sure, I would love it, thats on my bucket list, but I also want to connect with Taylor and show her love. I know she is sent tweets and reblogs for days but I would feel sad if she missed out on fan appreciation. Idk, it’s a weird thing.

V)I’m running out of coherent thoughts that don’t have anything to do with TS7

W)TS7

X)TS7

Y)TS7

Z)TS7

[checkyesifulikeme]

okay wow so much has gone on over the past couple of days i’m still reeling in shock but it’s almost a blissful state of shock if that’s even possible LOL. first things first i’m feeling very anxious abt getting a new job, i’ve been unemployed for a little over a month now and my guilt is picking at my brain and heartstrings like those little fish that eat the dead skin off of the bottoms of ppl’s feet. 

SO i’m definitely going to Saddle Up and apply to whatever coffee spots are hiring, although i know my chances of being hired will be much greater by the END of next month (graduation = university students quitting their jobs&going back home) but i can’t wait that long because i feel like the universe is fixing me with a judgmental glare. i haven’t taken time off of working since high school really so maybe i’m just a bit of a workaholic despite Hating mindless labor idk i feel guilty/useless very easily ok !!!!!! but it’s not as bleak as it sounds. i’ve actually had an amazing month being unemployed (my bday month!) and i’ve finally started my journey on bettering my mental health which is something i’ve continuously put on the back-burner my entire life. so this was long overdue. i believe the prozac has actually been helping a ton (it’s the same anti-depressant my mom is on N we’re very very very similar in our mental health so makes Cents). i’m still looking for a therapist and i’m on a waiting list for a second opinion from a different psychiatrist in my city (there r unfortunately very few psych doctors where i live) because the one i originally went to diagnosed me in a kind of alarming manner??? i questioned it immediately but everyone told me to just trust him but fr he diagnosed me based off of 1 appointment and my answers on a sheet of paper, not even bothering to ask me about any of my symptoms in depth at ALL and immediately prescribing 3 different medications idk i was super weirded out but at least i got a good anti-depressant out of it lmfao (i’m not taking the other 2, both of which are anti-psychotics that left me brain dead). 

aside from the mental health stuff i’ve been feeling extremely elated and joyous about life lately. i’ve gotten back into reading (read an entire book in 3 days and i’ve gotten a little over halfway through the goldfinch which i began reading like 2 or more years ago by now lolll) which i’ve been meaning to do for years and years. i finished my first sewing project! gotten a lot better w/ maintaining a clean space, watering my plants on a schedule/much more efficiently than before (i don’t have to haul them all into the tub every time they need to be watered) and i’ve been a lot more in tune with my emotions and needs as well as the needs of those i love. one of the worst parts of my mental health is the chafing irritability i feel for no good reason and the erratic ebb and flow of my feelings but since being put on prozac i’ve felt like i have a healthier grasp of things which makes my heart burst with joy because much of my life i’ve spent living in a perpetually ‘muddled’ state. it’s nice.

on top of all this, last night by ex best friend texted me a longggg apology/explanation of why he disappeared from my life about ~4 months ago and it made me cry. he’s flying back from london and will be back on monday so i’m probably going to meet up w him and my sister sometime next week! i almost felt this coming but didn’t at all at the same time lol idk how to explain. i was extremely hurt losing him as well as my other ‘best friend’ at the time but since then i’d sort of deaded those emotions and pushed forward and i’ve actually been doing really well for myself even if it can be lonely at times. i still had my online friends who i cherish so so so dearly, my boyfriend and my family and have been focusing on just Me and my inner workings and habits and how i can be better to myself and those around me, more involved more present more vocal about my love for them. more open to sharing myself. sharing myself has always been one of my biggest road blocks because i am so debilitated by fear (of rejection of judgement of being fully Seen). but i’m trying to move past this. i really am. i think i can overcome this fear by utilizing the even stronger force inside of me that craves connection, craves being seen but even moreso seeing others too and allowing them to know that they are loved and heard and cared for and i am here to help. although me and this friend’s relationship has been literally all over the damn place i truly believe from the bottom of my heart that he is a loving person. he has been damaged but we all have. idk. forgiveness is beautiful to me and i just feel so deeply that re-connecting will only make our friendship that much stronger. with so many of my ex friends i do not feel this way. re-kindling does not feel needed or entirely possible, really. but i have met very few ppl so in tune with my mindset, we’re very very different and have lived through VERY different circumstances but our inner workings resonate, if that makes sense. and he brought that up in our conversation last night and it just brings tears to my eyes. he said something along the lines of “i just don’t want to lose a genuine connection with another person especially in a fucked up world like this because they truly are so rare.” and i agree. i connect w so many people in different ways, i think all of us do or have the capacity to at least, but that deep understanding and history and mutual growth and love is rare, i think. i don’t feel like i can fully explain it here and now but idk i’m just super emotional over this because like i said i had previously deaded the possibility of reconnection in my mind, largely because i no longer knew how my (previously) best friends saw me anymore or had potentially even seen me to begin with. but him reaching out allowed me to understand a little bit more and i am certainly not beyond forgiveness because GOD KNOWS i have not been a perfect person. none of us have. my boyfriend is apprehensive but i know it’s just out of his protectiveness over me and he’d never hinder my autonomy to chose where i go from here. and i understand. he’s the one who had to stay up with me countless nights while i cried and lost my mind and blew up his phone with texts about how worthless and angry i felt and beat myself up time and time again so believe me i understand. it’s going to be a process but i just know forgiveness is absolutely the right choice. part of this journey for me is listening to my heart and she wants to forgive. see and be seen. hear and be heard. love is all that matters to me at the end of the day and i am not going to deny it. 

[hatchibomitar]

1-70

alright this has been sitting here for like a month and im tipsy so im gonna fkin answer it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

i have a great relationship with my mom!!

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my girlfriend 😊😊😊😊❤❤

03: Do you regret anything?

oh sure i do! lots of little things. that’s anxiety babey. but i don’t regret any choices that have got me to where i am today

04: Are you insecure?

it depends on the day, i am some of the time - but it’s a huge improvement from the past omg

05: What is your relationship status?

in a RELATIONSHIP with the LOVE OF MY LIFE 

06: How do you want to die?

i do Not like this question ! goodbye thot

07: What did you last eat?

salsa chicken and rice, and zucchini!!!!! and i might annihilate a pint of ice cream later

08: Played any sports?

yes omg i played soccer and lacrosse!!! i love lacrosse sm.

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope i never have! i used to rip them off though lmfao! not the whole thing!!!!! jsust bits

10: When was your last physical fight?

never lmao

11: Do you like someone?

yes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

no oh my goodness i would literally die

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

sober kaiden might be all dramatic and say yes but white claw kaiden says No :-)

14: Do you miss someone?

yes :( i want to be Kissed!

15: Have any pets?

yA omg i have 2 cats at my mom’s house!!!!! i cannot wait until i can have my own pet

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

i’m actually feeling fgreat, it’s basically my summer break rn and usually i’d feel terrible with no strict plans of what to do, but today was so much fun. i had a great time just fuckin around. im very optimistic

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

HEHEHE oh my gosh, i don’t kiss and tell, but yes i do actually. ok so not a public bathroom but someone else’s bathroom at a party, yes, and my own bathroom, yes, and someone else’s bathroom, yes! i just love bathrooms (wow i sound so cis)

18: Are you scared of spiders?

not especially ! i am Not good at capturing them and also i cannot kill them, but i am sometimes ok with just letting them chill. ok maybe i lied. it depends

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

no 😤

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

the brit Popped Out! the last place was, the airport when i dropped my girlfriend off :(((((

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

omg well it’s still the weeknd rn? it’s sunday night. and my plans were: d&D!!!!!! and it was SO FUN!!! but next weekend, im seeing my bestie graduate college along w my other mt friends, and then on sunday i’m driving home 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Yes I Do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i ‘m not super sure, maybe 2? 1 would be fine too but also i feel like siblings are great, even tho they’re terrible at the same time. like i’d face my brother in ritual combat but i would also slap a high schooler in the face for being mean to him, yknow

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i do! i have 2 closed up ear holes. 

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

i was always great great great at english/reading/spelling! now i’m in college so like uhhh . i get to choose my subjects. so my best is photography ahah!! but i’m not bad at writing :-)

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

not desperately. sometimes i feel the urge to reconnect with old friends tho

26: What are you craving right now?

a Kiss!!!!!!

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

wait omg first i have a story. so on facebook they used to have those things where you’d answer questions, like this, in a note. i got tagged to do one so i did. let me set the scene. it was sophonmore year of high schoool. im 16. i’d broken up with my first “real” boyfriend a few months ago. so i was tagged for this shindig right.? it got to this very same question: have you ever broken someone’s heart? and i thought about this kid who i dated for 2.5 months...and i was like....well, clearly, he’s devastated we aren’t together! so i answered “Yes. Unfortunately.” ooohhhhh..... the drama.......the absolute emotion..... riveting.... who was he ? i was probably listening to jonas brothers SOS at the time.

anyway, how am i supposed to actually know ? like does sometone have to say “u broke my heart?” bc if so no one’s said that. but my last gf took the breakup v hard so maybe ? but i don’t wanna plant emotions in to anyone’s skull!

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

one of my exes sexted her friends. jury is still out on whether that counts, please lmk me know ur thots. kaelin, if ur out there, i’m so.................................happy that i haven’t spoken a word to you for 3 years. fuck off !

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yes

30: What’s irritating you right now?

real quick, an update on the chocolate ice cream situtiaon. i’ve cracked open my pint, as well as another hard seltzer. i’ve also lit a candle. it’s a real production

anyway, no ! oh hahahah. sorry. thought it shaid who’s irritating you. ummm, personal stuff! but im not like mad. just personal drama

31: Does somebody love you?

lors of people do! and lots of people love You Too!!!!! you’re a delight!

32: What is your favourite color?

i LOVE yellow !!!!!!!!!!!! and blue, specifically teal! but not too dark of a teal you km,now ?

33: Do you have trust issues?

depends what im trusting them with !

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i had a nightmare that i was sabrina the teenage witch and another witch was chasing me on a rooftop trying to kill me :(

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

hmmm idk actually bc it’s hbeen hard for me to cry lately :( probably maya ?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

to be honest i don’t think i’ve often had the chance to Give a second chance

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

idk man iuhhh it’s kinda hard to just literally completely forget! and mnaybe not as healthy!

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

that’s kinda premature, it’s only april!!! but i suppose may is soon. idk im not sure! maybe every year is the best year of my life :-)

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

20 bb

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

i have ANaughT

51: Favourite food?

i would give up everything for a bgagel. i also LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEE sushi! my fave roll is i think either spicy tuna w the spicy sawce or seared salmon ora spicy tuna hand roll. i fuck sushi

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

this is a hard question for me to answer bc i want to say yes but also i don’t think abuse or murder or bad things or unnecessary death happens for any reason other thna, it just does sometimes and that sucks real bad. so idk. i don’t think everything has a grand purpose. but i blieve in my life, everything that’s happened to me has in fact led me to where i am today and i’m learning and healing and growing. that being said i could do without some of the things that have happend to me!

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

read a storm of swords :00000

54: Is cheating ever okay?

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the point of cheating is it’s a breach of Trust! and that’s not okay!

55: Are you mean?

i hope not :(

56: How many people have you fist fought?

what is with u brits

57: Do you believe in true love?

depends what u mean by true love...like in fairytales? i think true love is just loving someone so much you’re willing to work on whatever you need to to keep them. not unconditional in the sense of “even if they’re mean i still love them” but unconditional in the sense of “even if u fart in front of me i don’t care, and even if you go through hardship and aren’t yourself for a while i will still love you because im with u for real”

58: Favourite weather?

SUN SUN SUN my favorite is when it’s warm out, but there are clouds to gaze at. it’s kinda humid. there’s a slight breeze. oh gosh i can’t wait for the summer :*( im currently cyring

59: Do you like the snow?

i am so fucking tired of the snow LMFAO it snows 8 months of the year here and i’m here, guess what, 8 months of the year! i fuckin hate it! go shit on someone else, clouds

60: Do you wanna get married?

YES more than anything, so much, i want to, so badly

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD I DIE I MELT

62: What makes you happy?

sunshine, late night drives, laughing so hard my stomach hurts w/ my best frineds, playing d&d, writing poetry,  thinking about how small animals’ feets are, petting my cat and making him purr, talking to my little brother about real stuff, kissing my girlfriend and seeing her smile, warm blankets when it’s cold, eating cookie dough, dancing, singing in the car, holding hands, walking in the summer and listening to my favorite podcast, talking about harry potter with my mom, playing overwatch in the summer with andy, going to council crest

the list could go on forever :-)

63: Would you change your name?

already did PAL!!!!!!!!!!!

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

only hard bc she’s not physically here rn. but no, it would be easy, beacuse she’s so kisssable

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

if you define sex by GENITALS YOU BIG BIBNCH then i don’t Have one

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

stop omg......

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

STOP OMG

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

hmmmmmmmmmm..... idk maybe jamie

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i don’t necessarily believe that there’s 1 perfect person for everyone out there romatnically, but i believe thaere are people destined to be in your life and i believe there are people that you will click with just absolutely instantly and feel an incredibly deep connection with, whether it be romantic or not

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

kinda morbid :/