#being 20 is so bad for my health <3

[kohakhearts]

crazy how you can actually scroll back through this blog (DO NOT do it. its not worth the psychic damage of being witness to a teenager with a personality disorder and no solid irl support system making posts on the internet) and see me complaining about school and now my posts about school are like so the funniest thing happened at school today- (i.e. i am no longer tormented by the demons of adolescence but by the adolescent demons, who are actually hilarious and endearing and incredibly sweet even when they blow up at me and hate my guts and want to rip me to shreds for committing the cardinal sin of caring about their educations)

[jessiesjaded]

can I please catch a break right now? just one little break??

[nothingnowherenow]

I really like my job, it pays well and the work environment is like not a hellscape. However everytime I remember I have to work (for the rest of my life!!!) I do consider driving into the side of a building

[asaxophony]

I was grinding tower of Zot for the healing top tonight and I encountered what must of been one of the worst dark knights I've ever encountered. Zot is p rough pull wise especially for gunbreakers/dark knights but like dear lord. I've healed dark knights through Mt gulg w2ws no issue and yet this one exploded on every large pull. Kept popping living dead at the very end of pulls when there were like 3 enemies left. I watched them use rampart and their 10% almost exclusively. THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE sometimes it is the tank that's bad.

[d4rkpluto]

ɴᴏʀᴛʜ ɴᴏᴅᴇ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱɪɢɴꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇꜱ

follow for more content!

and this was a prize post for surpassing a following milestone? im not sure but either way thank you for everyone who has helped me gain this much supporters <3

north node are now cheaper when trying to buy asteroids/others through my paid readings :)

i did my research by talking to close friends and researching celebrities! take the degrees with a grain of salt.

♇ the north node is about your individual path your life takes and inevitably becomes. can mean where you are exposed, what you could fear and even obsess over.

♇ north node in aries/1h [1°/13°/25°] ⟶ becoming a leader, being the face of something, a company, a show etc. being the first to do something, specifically within your family. anger issues, passion for sports or being a champion. excellent at theatre/acting, people might want to expose your life, your goals so they can steal. if not careful can become filled with rage, could have accidents with the head. could have a fear of being pushed aside, not recognised.

celebrities with this north node placement ⟶ mariah carey, emilia clarke and martin luther king.

♇ north node in taurus/2h [2°/14°/26°] ⟶ excellent cooks. to become rich, and obsession with feeling beautiful, could be obsessed with money. very possessive over other people or their own possessions. very vocal people. could get sore throats a lot, can have their privacy exposed/boundaries crossed. great singers, distinct voices, a need to be heard. and could have a lot of people wanting to be them, could have a fear of losing their value, or losing their possessions. classis beauty.

celebrities with this north node placement ⟶ lana del rey, sharon tate and bella hadid.

♇ north node in gemini/3h [3°/15°/27°] ⟶ spokespeople, known to say silly things. like to win arguments, very direct people. other people might ridicule or nitpick everything they say. insecure of not being taken seriously, be careful of car accidents or just bad drivers, being associated with cars. amazing at marketing, people could parade the person a lot.

celebrities with this north node placement ⟶ khloe kardashian, jfk kennedy and billie eilish.

♇ north node in cancer/4h [4°/16°/28°] ⟶ to make a family, a foundation or a legacy and leaving a will. to have a tribe, obsession with sense of belonging. conflict with family. disconnection with family, can also be a try-hard. can com from a popular family.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ britney spears, prince harry and michelle obama.

♇ north node in leo/5h [5°/17°/29°] ⟶ charismatic, can be obsessed with achievements and goals. famous children. are very goal-oriented, can have a fear of failure, which sometimes causes them to be strict. protective over children, having children with popular/wealthy people and they can be easily admired and glorified. succeed in their talents and hobbies.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ beyoncé, angelina jolie and kim kardashian.

♇ north node in virgo/6h [6°/18°] ⟶ could have a problem with health, obsession with being perfecting. servicing others, a worker, deep insecurities. copying others. could have a fear of not being perfect, anxious, can be harsh with your words. very erratic as well.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ kylie jenner, jennifer lopez and kourtney kardashian.

♇ north node in libra/7h [7°/19°] ⟶ could be obsessed with getting into relationships. could have a fear of being disliked. beware of too much cosmetic surgery. inevitable marriage, soul-mate finding. marrying someone famous/wealthy. can be very flaky, needs to find balance. sometimes could find themselves with troubling marriages. fear of ending up alone.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ madonna, michael jackson and ashanti.

♇ north node in scorpio/8h [8°/20°] ⟶ be careful with cosmetic surgery. obsessive spending, money obsession and sex. fear of losing everything, possessions, money and power along with liberty. destined to be or become rich or leave a legacy. obsessive, easily addicted to drugs and can be vengeful. could be stalkers or are the ones stalked and scrutinised by others.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ megan thee stallion, paris hilon and jungkook.

♇ north node in sagittarius/9h [9°/21°] ⟶ teachers, students of life and researches. fear of feeling stupid or stuck in life. not believing yourself. can be very conceited, others might like to steal from others. feeling like a God, superiority complex; obsessed with learning. burn-outs or spoiled. can be too lustful; becoming publishers, directors and screen-writers. even Gurus, people looking up to them. trading illegal stuff, talent with bitcon.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ ariana grande, cardi b and demi lovato.

♇ north node in capricorn/10h [10°/22°] ⟶ unbalance with power, authority issues. public clashes, fear of being forgotten or overlooked. seen as attractive, some can be crazy or pushed to be crazy. ambitious, rich and bold. can mean accidents, fear of being watched, fear of failing. obsessive with reputation and legacy, destined to be known for something, becoming a boss, or another high position.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ adele, selena gomez and gwyneth paltrow.

♇ north node in aquarius/11h [11°/23°] ⟶ fear of loneliness and losing friends. could be a controlling friend or have friends who are controlling/manipulative. random fame, random wealth. fame from the internet, getting money from the internet. inventing something, creating trends and being a humanitarian. ego-death. accidents. deceptive friends or is the deceptive friends, angry conflicts on the internet, with friends or with people in the same community as them.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ lady gaga, miranda kerr and the weeknd.

♇ north node in pisces/12h [12°/24°] ⟶ falling into delusions. obsessive and intrusive thoughts, can become famous, but fame will be very damaging fo the mental health. addictions, specifically with alcohol. nightmares. making sacrifices, people having ill-intent, doing witch-craft on you or you could be someone who practices it. can mean moving far from home place, nasty hidden enemies, having your dreams come true.

celebs with this north node placement ⟶ rihanna, justin bieber and marilyn monroe.

masterlist

paid chart readings

♇

[nyancrimew]

hey so i dont wanna get into too much detail here to protect the dignity of the people involved in this, but as THE anarchist hacker girl i sort of regularly deal with a number of people with paranoid schizophrenia (or adjacent issues) who will very persistently email me or contact me on other platforms. obviously mostly people who think they are being wronged/followed by the government or other big authorities. most of them eventually give up on it and stop messaging me after like half a year or so of ignoring their weekly emails (and are mostly geographically far away enough for it to not be too much of a safety risk for me, only one person so far has made it to my city to try and meet me). however in the currently ongoing case i am dealing with someone who has now for a week sent me upwards of 20+ emails a day, usually all within the same 3 hours of the day, i generally dont block them (especially in more extreme cases) as i like to at least somewhat keep an eye on the developments for the safety of both me and them, but i dont really know what else to do in this specific case. i usually know exactly who i am dealing with (most of them send me their full personal info, sometimes even including passport scans, etc) but i have no interest in reporting them to any kind of authority figure, be that people in their life i can find or government authorities, as i do not want to needlessly endanger people dealing with mental health problems as a basic rule. does anyone here either have personal experience with particularly bad paranoid schizophrenia or experience with dealing with a situation like this, like is there any way to talk to them that doesnt just further feed into their paranoia? this isnt like just a question for my comfort or anything, i can deal with stuff like this, i am just curious if there is a way for me to actually help them meaningfully :)

[scientia-rex]

I grew up hearing that you should see your PCP every year for a “check up,” so I scheduled a well visit when I was 30ish after several years of not seeing one, but I had nothing to talk about. I felt so stupid and like I had wasted my doctor’s time, especially when I know they’re expected to see like 400 patients a day, overbooked to hell and back, and someone else probably needed that time more than me.

Without sharing specifics that might veer too close to “individual medical advice,” I have no major health issues. My testosterone is handled by a specialist and hasn’t changed in like 15 years. (Something nobody tells you about transitioning—it gets extremely boring.)

What does a 30-something person in “fine, I guess” health talk about at a check up? Do doctors get bothered if a patient comes in with nothing wrong, but knows they need to be seen every 3 years so the system doesn’t call them a “new patient” if anything does happen?

We don't get mad about the "just often enough to avoid being kicked out of the system" visits, especially if you call it that. Remember, yes, we need to see a billion patients, but an easy visit could buy us back 5 minutes of the day, and a no-show buys us back 15-20 minutes (albeit at the cost to other patients of a visit). Don't feel bad for taking care of your own needs in a system that has been designed to be hostile to human life.

[astrophileblogs07]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT.20

⚫ Opposite to the stereotype of Leo being a narcissist, its the Aquarians who are more narcissist than ANY other zodiac. Esp its the Dhanishta naks out of the Aqua naks who are so.

⚫ I have seen 3 Aquarian moons (of Dhanishta nak) who had a poverty stricken first half of life (childhood, teenage years) but then they become well off like rlly very well off in their second half (esp after marriage). They marry rich 🤑 too. What i am saying here is the dramatic transformation of their financial life.

⚫ Pisces men are physically abusive. That's it. Esp the March Pisces. They literally are a bully. (Dont be fooled by the beautiful doe eyes lol)

⚫ "WOW What voluminous and luscious hair he's got!" -my ♌ rising and moon mom commenting on a side character with insignificant role in a movie 🤣. I wasn't noticing that at all...but she seemed to be stuck on that feature 😂.

⚫ Martian influence on a chart can actually have a liking to dangerous weapons and ammunitions. (Like idk I weirdly love them 😂😂)

⚫ Females with Ketu ruled naks are the first group of people whom male perceive as "threat". (Second is mars btw). Like if the other person is a typical male (egoistic, chauvinist) they will literally hate you to the core coz they know you equal them in all ways (except you know what LMAO 🤣). So they'll try to pin you down or belittle you etc. (sad, but since I have experienced I wanted it to share w you guys)

⚫ Also I love the way Ketu Nak women get along becoz mostly they have so much in common. And by that I mean how the society (male dom) treats them. I am not saying they're an "outcast" but the reaction they face just coz the male species get intimidated by us which has an cascading effect on our mental peace is beyond tolerance.

⚫Ketu naks are sexyyyyyy 🖤👁️🫦👁️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

(I always imagine a smokin hot biker girl 👩🏻‍🎤with leather jacket and smoky eyeshadow whenever I hear "Ashwini, Magha and Mula")

⚫ I have seen a Chart which was totally "Mars" chart and I'll tell you, that person has Aries asc, Moon, Mars and (Mercury ig is in Scorpio?idr) along with Scorpio sun. And that person is like personified version of the planet itself. So cunning and so shrewd, potentially be a mastermind. Statergic. Secretive af. (Might be their middle name to exaggerate). Close to their mom. Loves friends (friends over anything). Also they have a "reddish" tint to their skin (no health probs, but yeah that planet does that). Knows how to tackle any embarrassing moment in public and deal with it. (I am jealous of him coz i wanted to be like him in every way 😂)

⚫Lilith and Pluto aspects in natal chart can actually survive 8H synastry. Almost same energy and themes. 💀

⚫Why are Maghas the "scapegoat" of the family? Like they be framed in a situation with which they have no relation with. Its annoying to see. Its like you're locked in your room chilling and as soon as you step out, everyone in the family is blaming you for something or the other. Now you're the "bad guy". (Yo wtf 🤡). Added to the generosity of Leos, people target you often. 😕

⚫Libra men CANNOT stand loneliness and being ostracized at all in any way. I have seen this in every Libra I came across. For eg: if you're the "black sheep" they won't talk to you and will go with what the crowd says. And if people have outcasted them just becoz they're with you/involved with you, they'll drop you like hot potato. People say and stereotype Capricorns for being the one who cares about reputation and all, but her 'Venus-ruled-Saturn-exalted' sister also is same. 💀

(no wonder they're besties lol)

P.S: I read a post here which said "Eye contact with 8H synastry hits different" ( i am not copying, i don't remember the username) and boy is that true 💀💀💀. Like I was -->😯😳🫣. Coz I have experienced that 🤣🤣. It does, than any other eye contact I have seen. Lmao 🤣🤣.{Edit: its @zeldasnotes 🖤😁}

Hope you liked it 😁😊. Until next time! 👋🏻

Love you y'all ❤️❤️❤️

[chahnniesroom]

in sickness and in health

pairing: kim seungmin x female reader

summary: you're the most important thing in seungmin's life, of course his biggest fear would be losing you. it means that taking care of you when you're not feeling well comes naturally.

word count: 2.1k

warnings: a little bit of angst, sickness (fever, feeling nauseous, etc.)

a/n: partially inspired by me being ill at work and my amazing coworkers taking care of me and making sure i didn't faint lol.

till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist

Seungmin loves being an idol. 

He loves to sing and performing in front of Stays always thrills him. He loves the other members and really, everyone else that he gets a chance to work with. At times it can be stressful, but for the most part, it’s fairly easy to manage the downsides of being famous.

But when he started dating you, he found out that there are parts of being an idol that he hates.

He always thought that he'd be different from a lot of idols and wouldn't be afraid to show his partner off. The second he met you though, he knew he'd do anything and everything in his power to keep you safe. You understand, of course, and do your part to make sure that only your closest friends and family are aware of who you're dating.

It pains Seungmin to do this, but he knows nothing good can come out of your identity being known.

The two of you are more than careful, sometimes Seungmin feels silly with how cautious he is about meeting up with you. Yet somehow his heart always feels like it will beat out of his chest whenever he sees articles that speculate about idol relationships.

You do your best to stop him from stressing, but it’s something that Seungmin can't quite shake. You're the most important thing in his life, of course his biggest fear would be losing you.

—

The first time his phone rings during a livestream with the whole group, Seungmin brushes it off. The caller ID says it's an unknown number and everyone he knows has been receiving a lot of spam calls and texts lately. 

He swipes away the notification and tries to focus on just reading comments when the same number calls back, a couple minutes later. He ignores it again, but on the third call, he nudges Chan’s knee beside him and subtly tilts his phone screen so that Chan can see. His phone is on silent so nobody watching the live should be able to tell that he's getting the calls, but the timing feels too coincidental for him not to be suspicious. 

"They keep calling," he says under his breath. 

"We'll get someone to look into the number later, just keep ignoring it," Chan advises quietly.

Seungmin takes a quick screenshot of the number, then tries to get back into the conversation to distract himself. The next time he looks down at his phone again, someone is once again calling him.

Seungmin almost reflexively rejects the call, until he realises it's your nickname flashing up on his screen.

You generally don’t call Seungmin without warning, especially not during the day when there’s a higher chance that Seungmin won’t be able to readily answer.

[sent - 3:12 pm]

sorry baby, working right now, can it wait?

His stomach drops when you just call again in response. He doesn’t want to alarm any of the members or the fans when he doesn’t know what’s going on, but he has a bad feeling about this. He once again flashes his phone to Chan briefly and leans in close.

“I want to take this, I don’t know why she’s calling, but something doesn’t seem right.”

Chan bites his lip, obviously torn for a second, before he seems to make up his mind.

“We’ve been live for almost 20 minutes, give me one second and we’ll end it so that you can talk to her, yeah?” Chan puts a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and squeezes it tightly for a moment before clapping his hands together, effectively ending the conversation that the rest of the members were having.

Seungmin makes himself smile as they all say goodbye, but it's obvious that it's forced.

Even though the live ended as quickly as possible, Seungmin still has 2 new missed calls by the time he’s found himself an empty room to use.

"Hello?"

"Uhm hello, is this Min?" a man asks hesitantly. His voice is unfamiliar and it scares Seungmin. The only thing that brings a little bit of comfort is knowing that you’re careful to never call Seungmin by his full name when talking about him with friends or coworkers, you even have his contact information set as a nickname.

"Who is this?" he asks instead. “Where’s Y/n?”

"My name is Hyunwoo, I work with Y/n-ssi. I’m very sorry for interrupting you, but Y/n-ssi said that you were one of her emergency contacts. We tried to call with another number previously, but weren’t able to reach you."

“Sorry, I generally do not answer calls from unknown numbers. Is Y/n okay?” Seungmin swallows hard, his mouth suddenly dry. “Can I- can I please speak to her?”

“She’s just not feeling well and needs to go home. She’s resting in another room, but I can get her, one moment please.” 

There’s a bit of background noise, the sound of footsteps, murmuring, then finally, your voice.

“Minnie?” you ask, sounding groggy. “I’m sorry for bothering you, I know you were working today.”

“Hey baby, it’s okay. You don't have to worry about me. You know that you’re more important than work to me right? I’m glad you got them to call me. How are you doing?”

“I'm tired. I'm okay, just, I was feeling light-headed and have a headache so I can't work. Hyunwoo said he thinks I have a fever.”

“Okay, I’m going to pick you up and bring you home then. Just continue resting until I get there. I'll see you soon.”

Seungmin doesn’t know what he’d do without the other members. As soon as he finishes explaining the situation to them, they’re already calling a car and working out schedules so that there aren’t any problems.

—

Hyunwoo eyes Seungmin carefully when they first meet, likely due to the face mask and hat he's wearing. When Seungmin removes the mask and shakes Hyunwoo’s hand, he's relieved when he doesn't appear to recognise him. It's not exactly a surprise, men are generally less likely to follow k-pop groups and Seungmin hardly looks like an idol when he's barefaced and in the jeans and t-shirt that he wore for the live.

“Thank you for calling me, Hyunwoo-ssi,” Seungmin says. “Sorry I didn’t pick up at first.”

“It’s okay, Min-ssi. Y/n-ssi mentioned that your work might make you difficult to contact.” Seungmin appreciates that Hyunwoo doesn’t make any attempt to pry further.

“And thank you for taking care of Y/n.”

“It’s not a problem. Y/n-ssi is a pleasure to work with and we all want her to get better as quickly as possible. Come with me, I’ll bring you to her.”

You’re lying in a small meeting room that has all the lights off and blinds drawn. The table and chairs have all been shifted to the side to fit a yoga mat that has been laid out. You squint up at Seungmin from under a mis-match of jackets with your head resting on a pillow that matches the couches that were in the reception area of your office.

“Minnie?” Your voice is soft and a little bit confused.

“Yes, it’s me, Y/n. How’re you feeling?”

Seungmin rushes to your side, crouching on the carpet so that he can cup your cheek. Your skin is flushed and hot to the touch. You reach out a hand and he clasps it tightly with his free hand.

“Mm, I wanna go home.”

“Let’s go home then.”

The company car is still parked outside of your office building, close enough that you insist on walking yourself. Seungmin tries not to hover, but he makes sure to keep his arm looped around your waist so that you don’t stumble. The drive back to your place is fairly short, but when Seungmin glances over you’re looking unwell. Maybe it’s just the dim lighting from the backseat, but you look paler than usual and your eyes are closed.

“You feeling okay?” Seungmin asks, squeezing your hand.

“A bit nauseous,” you murmur.

“We’re almost there, just take a few deep breaths through your nose for me.”

Even though it's only a few minutes before they pull onto the street that you live on, it feels like forever. Seungmmin tries to keep you preoccupied by rubbing circles into your palm. Instead of trying to help you out of the car and into your apartment, Seungmin thanks the company driver and opts to just carry you all the way in. 

He helps to change you out of your work clothes and tucks you into your bed. You link your fingers together and protest when Seungmin attempts to leave your side.

“I promise I'll be back in a second, I just want to get some things to help you feel better, okay?” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You agree, but reluctantly.

Seungmin tries to stay quiet as he rummages around your apartment, gathering some medicine, a thermometer, a glass of water, and some crackers. Next he dampens a face cloth and brings everything to your bedside table, folding up the cloth and laying it across your forehead. 

He supports you in sitting up slightly to take your temperature, brushing his fingers through your hair as you wait for enough time to pass. You lean into his touch slightly, humming in pleasure when Seungmin switches to giving you a light head massage. When the thermometer beeps, it confirms what Hyunwoo suspected, you have a low grade fever.

“You have a bit of a fever,” Seungmin tells you, keeping his voice low. “Do you feel up to having some water and medicine? It'll help you feel better, I think.”

“Okay,” you say, taking the pills that Seungmin hands you and swallowing them with a bit of water.

“Do you want to rest some more now? I want you to stay hydrated so I can make broth for you or get juice.”

“Do you have another schedule? You don't have to stay and take care of me.”

“I don't have to, I want to. And what did I say earlier? Don't worry about me. I'm not missing anything important.”

“So you are missing something,” you insist, your stubbornness making itself known. Seungmin can't help but find it endearing, especially the way that your bottom lip juts out to form a pout.

“Just vocal lessons. I already know how to sing, so it’s fine. Innie had his scheduled for tomorrow, the two of us are going to swap.”

“Oh,” you say, apparently satisfied by that.

“See, nothing to worry about. Now, what did you want? Broth or juice?”

“Broth,” you decide. “But that means you'll have to leave again. I don't want to be alone.”

Seungmin hesitates for a moment before reaching for something resting on the side of your bed.

“You won't be alone, Daengmo will keep you company, okay?”

Seungmin had gifted the stuffed dog to you the first time he had gone abroad after the two of you had started dating, even though it was only to Japan. You had insisted that he keep it at first, knowing how fond he was of the toy, but he had convinced you that it would prevent you from missing him whenever he was away.

“M'kay,” you say sleepily, wrapping your arms around Daengmo.

“You can close your eyes while I'm gone and I'll be back before you know it.”

“I'm not tired,” you say, although even in the dim lighting Seungmin can see that your eyes are starting to droop. “I'm going to stay awake until you come back.”

“Whatever you say,” Seungmin replies.

He leaves your room, closing the door behind him quietly, and heads towards the kitchen.

Seungmin prepares a couple of pots to make you soup. The first he prepares with some ingredients to make a simpler version of a ginseng chicken soup. He knows it'll take a while to cook though, so he adds water, powdered chicken broth, and ginger to the second. Within a few minutes, the clear broth is ready to serve.

Seungmin scoops a portion of it into a mug and slips an ice cube in so that you won't burn your mouth trying to drink it. He makes his way back to your room as quickly as he can, but careful to avoid the liquid sloshing over the sides.

When he eases the door open, he's greeted with the side of you with your eyes closed, clutching Daengmo tightly. Your breaths are deep and even, although you stir slightly when he sets the mug down on your nightstand.

“I'm here now," he reassures you quietly. “You just keep resting.”

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you say in a small voice.

“Of course, I’ll always be here for you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

till death do us part collection | read it on ao3 | masterlist

[ash-says]

22 highlights for the next year for me and you:

1) Never trust a person who tells you other people's secrets even after them knowing they shouldn't. Yours aren't safe either.

2) Grooming changes the way you are perceived on a 360 degree.

3) Fake it till you make it but the making should be happening in the now simultaneously.

4) Multiple personalities always to the rescue but never forget the base. Change the sauce not the crust babe.

5) A colleague is always a colleague. Never a friend not on the job at least.

6) Surviving is your karmic duty. Are you thriving? That's where the real thing sets in.

7) Mental, spiritual, emotional health over anything and anyone.

8) Believe in God blindly. Have a strong belief system.

9) Play by ear on social media. Do it smartly. It's important to keep relevance and be on the trends in today's society especially if you are in a field like me.

10) People lie all the time. So trust with discretion.

11) No matter how low your personal life might be it shouldn't spill over in your professional life and vice versa.

12) Every man's love language is a physical touch. Don't be fooled.

13) A no is a no. Never a potential yes. Make sure you stick to your no's to keep them relevant in the market.

14) Make time for the things you love and enjoy. Don't let the creative in you suffocate.

15) Surround yourself with people that naturally bring out the good in you.

16) Being a little judgmental makes you stable. Too much open-mindedness leads to indecisiveness.

17) If he wanted he would.

18) Material, professional success takes you a long way.

19) Casual sex is bad both physically and emotionally.

20) Always wash your dirty laundry privately. Iykyk.

21) Save money but don't be stingy.

22) Do not let the burden of your past and others weigh over your present and future. Live as freely and wildly as possible. There's a reason we don't have a manual on how to live your life.

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

Here's a small snippet from my b'day

[0310s]

gently, by your side | jaehyun

members: myung jaehyun x gender neutral reader

genre: college au, angst, comfort, best friends! to ???, more platonic stuff in this one

tags/warnings: extensive discussions of mental health and chronic/mental illness, y/n is not okay. :(

summary: jaehyun finds you after a bad week.

wc: 2.7k

a/n: this fic’s title comes from this lovely song. as someone who’s struggled with both chronic and mental illness, it really takes someone strong and amazing to keep on going, despite everything. most of the dialogue in this comes from my own musings and experiences with mental health. i wrote this for a dear mutual of mine! i hope better days will come for you soon, whenever that may be. meanwhile, i hope this gives you comfort when things are tough! sending lots of love <3 

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

5 days ago 1:28 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

(y/n) we haven’t seen each other in such a loooong time imy :(( i mean i KNOW it’s just been a couple of days since we last hung out but still!!!!!!! when are we seeing each other again !!!! tell me ur schedule QUICK !!!!

4 days ago 6:33 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeeyyyyyyyyy (with the intention to hang out) heeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy reply to meeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! tell me when ur free pls i miss u :((

3 days ago 11:58 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

hey i didn’t see u at the party today i thought u said u were going last week!!!  also i asked around and people said they haven’t seen u around recently??? and they don’t know what ur up to

2 days ago 2:05 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

heeeyyyy ?????????? did i do smth?????  or are u just really busy w school and work idk either way pls just let me know :(( i won’t bother u if ur rlllyyy busy

10:35 PM sorry if i’m being annoying btw

Yesterday  11:32 PM 🐶 cutie puppy

ok i thought about it reaaaaaallly hard and i don’t think i’ve done anything to make u mad or upset w me??? well aside from that time last last week that u got mad at me for accidentally messing w ur computer and deleting ur work files WHICH IM LIKE REALLY SORRY FOR but i fixed it!!!!! i thought we were good alrd!!! are u still mad at me 4 that ?

1:00 AM (y/n)?

1:28 AM idk  i thought i was ur best friend :(( did smth change???

2:47 AM pls pls reply :(( i know we can talk this out i don’t want us to not be ok

Today  3:00 PM 🐶 cutie puppy i’m coming over.

𓉞⋆｡˚☁︎｡⋆

Sitting up from your bed, your heart thuds in anxiety as you quickly scroll through your chat history with Jaehyun. Your eyes hurt and your brain feels especially foggy, like you’re looking at the world through a particularly cloudy lens. How long did you sleep? The last thing you recall was working on your assignments last night, then choosing to sleep instead when you got overwhelmed. Even then, you slept fitfully. You remember setting an alarm at 9 AM today to continue working, but even as you sat at your desk, you couldn’t type a single sentence on your laptop. Everything felt muddled and it was as if you couldn’t understand anything at all. Even the cups of coffee you drank in desperation was of no use keeping you alert; all it did was make you palpitate.

Then you gave up, went back to bed, and you’re here now. Checking the chat timestamps, you realize you haven’t replied to Jaehyun’s messages in almost a week, which has never happened before—you talk almost everyday, even multiple times a day. Jaehyun’s last message was at 3 PM, when he said he’d come over. One look at your screen shows you it’s already 3:20. If you’ve memorized his schedule right, it takes your best friend thirty minutes to get to your dorm from his Fundamental Maths class. That means you have ten more minutes to get your shit together and clean your mess of a room. 

But right when you’ve mustered the energy to stand up, you hear a series of knocks on your door. That can’t be— “(Y/n), open up, I know you’re in there!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes from outside the door. “I asked your dormmate and she said you haven’t left your room since yesterday, so there’s no use pretending!” Shit, shit, shit! You immediately spring up and hastily fold your blankets and organize your desk, throwing away stray food wrappers and plastic cups. You open your blinds to let some air in, and the bright sunlight makes your head throb even more. 

On your way to the door, you spot yourself in the mirror. There’s no other word for it—you look like utter shit. Your eyebags are dark and prominent, your hair disheveled from tossing and turning in your sleep. You look horrendous, but Jaehyun is persistently knocking on your door, so you have no choice but to fix yourself up as fast as you can. You splash water on your face and smoothen down your hair and open the door—then there’s Jaehyun in all his glory. Your heart clenches seeing him; he looks as handsome as always, his bangs fluffy and soft and his letterman jacket fashionably oversized. He looks nothing like you in your ratty T-shirt with coffee stains and pajama shorts. His hand is halfway raised, positioned to knock at your door (he could and would probably do it all day if he had to). Upon seeing you, he blurts out: “Did I do something?”

Instead of answering him, you open your door wider as an invitation, and Jaehyun takes the hint, stepping into your dorm. Once the door is shut, Jaehyun peers at your messy room and remarks, “Wow. When was the last time you cleaned up? You’re usually not like this.”

You know he didn’t mean it like that, but his comment stings at you all the same. “Sorry, Jaehyun,” you snap, “not everyone can be at 200% energy all the time like you.” At his hurt expression, you backtrack. “Sorry, that was really rude of me.”

“It-It’s fine,” Jaehyun replies confusedly. Then he looks straight at you, eyes pleading. He’s picking at the stray thread hanging from his jacket, a habit you’ve come to known is something he does when he’s nervous. “You know what, I thought about it. For days, really, if I did anything that would make you mad and ignore me. But I couldn’t come up with anything at all. I was really worried when you didn’t reply to me for days on end, especially when we talk everyday. So if I did something, can—can you just tell me? I just want us to be okay.”

Your throat closes up and your heart pounds even faster, making you feel dizzy. You have no idea how to answer him, when all he’s ever seen of you is the perfect student who does everything right, who’s smart and good at what they do without any flaws or exceptions. How would he react if he saw you for who you really were?

The words can’t form in your mouth, and out of frustration at yourself, you tear up. Jaehyun notices this, eyes widening in worry, “(y/n), baby, no, no,” and pulls you into his arms. Almost instantly, the tears cascade down your face and sobs wrack your body. You feel pathetic crying in your best friend’s arms, but Jaehyun just soothes a hand up and down your back as you break down. His other arm is wrapped around your shoulders, and it feels like your anchor when you’re drowning in all your troubles. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he says in a hushed tone, “let it all out.” You grip his jacket even tighter as you bury your face in his chest. 

When was the last time you’ve ever been hugged like this? The last time you’ve ever been truly vulnerable to anyone without that mask of perfection you often don? The last time you felt safe just being yourself? You have no idea. All you know that is in the circle of Jaehyun’s arms, you want to be small and imperfect and yourself just this once.

After your cries die down, Jaehyun clears his throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know what it is I did, but I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

“It’s not you, Jaehyun,” your voice is muffled by both your sniffles and Jaehyun’s chest. You don’t want Jaehyun to get the wrong idea that he’s hurt you in some way because of how broken he sounds thinking he’s done something to make you sad. “It’s just. Me.”

“You? What do you mean?” Jaehyun leads you into your room from the doorway. He’s holding your hand and doesn’t let go even when you both settle at the edge of your bed. His palm is warm and his grip loose enough in case you want to let go; you don’t. While you muster up the courage to speak, your best friend just sits there, waiting patiently. “It’s okay, whatever you say, I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t know that for sure, but him saying that makes you want to be truthful just this once, damn the consequences.

You take a deep breath, focusing on your intertwined fingers. You’re too scared to look at his face because you don’t want to see his reaction. “Jaehyun, what kind of person do you think people see me as?”

“Well…” He takes a moment to think about it. “Someone smart, talented, and who gets stuff done?”

In turn, you let out an resigned exhale. “Well, that’s the image I project. Of someone who’s perfect… someone who does things effortlessly. People think it comes easy to me. But it doesn’t. When people tell me that I didn’t need much effort to get to where I am now, I feel undermined. When I express I’m having a hard time, people brush it off and think I’m just overreacting. Because they think I’m perfect all the time. But honestly…? That’s the farthest thing from the truth."

Glancing up from your hands, you scan your room—your desk is a mess of papers and assignments that you have yet to get to. You can’t tell when the last time you spent time being actually productive when what you’ve been is fatigued out of your mind. When you try to sit at your desk and work, all you feel is difficulty concentrating and processing work and readings. Sleep has also proven to be elusive—no matter how long you lie in bed, you never feel well-rested. Simple actions and decisions require so much energy from you that you undeniably lack. You also constantly compare yourself to others, whom things like these come natural to them. But you’ve kept these feelings of yours secret for a long time—you’re utterly terrified that you’d be undermined for being useless and overly sensitive.   

“(Y/n)?” Jaehyun squeezes your hand, and you turn to meet his eyes. His eyes are sincere and kind. “I-I know I may not be the most empathic person, but I promise I’ll hear you out without judging you. I want to be here for you… and I hope you’ll let me. Please?” 

At this, you spill everything you’ve been feeling the past weeks—months, even—to Jaehyun. You stumble over your words and your breath gets caught in your throat, but he’s there to pat your back and to encourage you to keep going. Without you knowing, tears make their way down your face once again, and Jaehyun uses his other hand to gently brush them away. “It just gets so hard that I want to just. Give everything up. I don’t know what the use of trying so hard is when I see how other people don’t need this much effort to do even the most basic of tasks. It’s just so… unfair.”

When you’re finished with your rant, you don’t know what to expect from Jaehyun—but you’re stunned to see him crying. He’s sniffling and wiping at his eyes furiously. “Why…” You have no idea what he’s about to say, but you brace yourself for the worst. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” he whispers brokenly. “I didn’t know you were having such a difficult time. I feel like such a shitty friend for not even noticing. I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jaehyun’s eyes fill with tears and he starts “I… I thought we were best friends.” The best friends tell each other everything goes unsaid, but you know exactly what he meant.

“I…” You feel awful now for making Jaehyun cry. “You’re just. You just naturally have all this limitless energy. You’re…” Normal. Not like me. “I don’t know how if you were going to take me seriously if I told you what I was going through… There were times I’d see you, and I’d be so disappointed in myself for not being like you. And I was so scared that if I did tell you, I’d be letting you down.”

Jaehyun’s expression grows more miserable at this. “I-I’m sorry, (y/n), I never meant to make you feel unheard. And I never meant for it to feel like you couldn’t tell me about these things.” 

“It-It’s not your fault, Jaehyun,” you protest, but he shakes his head, obviously disappointed in himself.

“No, (y/n), I’m supposed to be your best friend. How stupid can I be if I can’t notice when you’re having a hard time? I didn’t even stop to ask how you’ve been doing because you seemed to be doing fine. But I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have taken things at face value. I’m such an idiot,” Jaehyun berates himself. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

At his sincere apology, you can’t help but admit it to yourself—you desperately needed Jaehyun’s support as your best friend, but you were too scared to ask for it. And honestly? You felt immensely lonely without his words and presence to comfort you. 

“(Y/n), I hope you know that I see how hard you work. I know your sleepless nights and how much effort you put into every single thing you do. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re always trying to be better than the person you were yesterday, and it’s something I truly admire about you. But I hope you know it’s okay to be imperfect and flawed and to not be okay. I want to be here on your good and bad days. I just wish I could’ve been more vocal about this earlier… I’ve really taken you for granted, huh?” Jaehyun sighs wetly, taking your hand in both of his. He’s still crying; you both are, actually. What a silly pair the two of you make. 

“Thank you for trusting me and sharing all of this. It literally means the world to me,” Jaehyun rambles. “I promise I’ll be a better friend to you, someone you feel safe opening up to about anything, whether that be your achievements or your struggles. And (y/n), if it’s not too much to ask… Could I ask you to be more honest with me in the future?” He stares at you imploringly. “I don’t want you to think you have to go through all of this alone. I want to be here for you the same way you’ve always been there for me… Okay?”

“....Okay. Okay, I’ll try,” you respond softly. “Thank you, Jaehyun. I… I’ve never told anyone about this before. But thank you so much for just listening, and not judging, and accepting me for me…” While you appreciate Jaehyun’s presence at this moment, a new wave of fatigue washes over you with all this emotional vulnerability and talking. “Jaehyun… I’m still feeling really tired, so I might go back to sleep. Sorry, I know you came all the way here to see me, but here I am being shit company,” you apologize regretfully.

“Oh! That’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jaehyun stands up from your bed to leave. When your fingers slip from each other, you feel an acute loss of warmth—both in your hands and in your heart. He makes his way to the door, slipping on his shoes, and your heart sinks. There’s something you badly want to ask of Jaehyun, but you’re too much of a coward to tell him what you truly want. You don’t want to be on your own right now, but you’d probably be asking too much of him. Accepting your fate, you settle in bed, attempting to take a nap so restless you’re sure will be of no help to your exhaustion.

However, Jaehyun himself stops in the doorway. He turns back around, a distraught look on his face. “(Y/n)... I don’t want to assume, but are you sure you want to be alone right now?” he begins. “I mean, we just had this really heavy talk. Can… Can I keep you company? I promise I’m great at cuddles—that’s what all my other friends say anyway when I annoy them with my hugs.”

When you nod, that’s all it takes for Jaehyun to shuck off his shoes, strip his jacket, and climb into bed with you. With your ear against his steady heartbeat and his comforting arm around you, you’re asleep in no time. It’s the best you’ve ever slept in months.

[finnsbubblegum]

The Neighbor (Joel Miller X Reader)

Pairing: no-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, sweet joel, domestic joel, rom-com

Summary (Series): reader as Joel’s neighbor. Joel’s wife left him so Joel asked his neighbor for help in babysitting Sarah. 

Summary: You came across your ex on your morning walks with Joel and baby Sarah. Is Joel just your neighbor or is he your fake husband?

Words count: 2k

A/N: I’m trying to make this as a rom-com, hope you like my new series! This is part 2 of Where It All Starts. I'm happy that many of you liked it so I hope you enjoy the next parts. Love you!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

It had been a few days since you babysit Sarah and you started to grow fond of her. You tried your best learning about babies and what was good for them. 

"I read that it's good for babies to get early morning walks." You told Joel as you put Sarah to her crib.

"Yeah?" Joel raised his eyebrows.

"Uh-huh. They said it’s a good source of Vitamin D." You stroked the baby’s head adoring her.

"Okay..I'll take her for a walk tomorrow then."

"Can I come? If it's okay with you. Of course." 

"Sure. No problem." 

You woke up earlier that day and got ready. You knocked on your neighbor's door.

"Mornin'." Joel opened the door with Sarah in his arms. 

"Morning." You waved your hand. 

"Come in." Joel invited you inside his house. 

"Hi sweetie, ready for a walk?" You caressed baby Sarah's cheek who was still in Joel’s arms. 

"I need to get the baby stroller ready. Can you hold her for a while?" Joel asked you for help.

"Sure." You opened your arms and took Sarah. 

Joel went to get the baby stroller and got it ready. He placed it beside you and you put Sarah in the stroller. 

"Okay. All done." 

"Let's go." You took the stroller and pushed it. 

"After you." Joel opened the door for you. 

The weather was nice. It was sunny but not too hot. It was the perfect weather to have a morning walk. You were happy you brought up the idea to Joel. 

"I'll do it." Joel slowly moved your hands from the stroller so he could push it. 

The three of you walked around the neighborhood looking like a real newlywed with a newborn baby. You liked the idea of thinking of having a family but deep down in your heart you weren't ready to start a new relationship. Joel probably wasn’t ready too.

"Thank you by the way." Joel suddenly thanked you.

"For what?" You tilted your head and faced him. 

"For this. For carin' about Sarah's health. I didn't even know babies need vitamin Ds from sun and everythin'." He scoffed. He looked like he was guilty of being a bad father. 

"Oh! Well, you're welcome. I'm trying my best to be a good babysitter." You joked. 

"I'm sure you'll be a good mom." He smiled at you. 

"Thank-" You couldn't finish what you wanted to say as you saw someone familiar across you. 

"(y/n)?" A familiar man called your name.

"Chad? You live around here?" You were shocked and startled to tremble because of arising anger inside you.

"No. I-uh- I didn't know you had a baby." He pointed at baby Sarah who was sleeping in the stroller. 

"Do you know this man?" Joel looked at you confused.

"Yeah, he was-uhm-my ex." 

Joel nodded. He opened his mouth wanting to say something but closed it again. 

"What are you doing here?" Your voice was shaky trying not to cry. 

"I was visiting my girlfri-" Chad answered but you cut him.

"You mean the girl you cheated on me with." You scoffed and rolled your eyes. Joel’s eyes widened and he crossed his arms to his chest.

"(y/n), I'm really sor-" You cut him again.

"Save it, Chad. I don't want to hear anything from you again. Let's hope we won't cross paths again." You wanted to yell at him, hit him, slap him but you couldn’t. Not in front of Joel and baby Sarah.

Sarah suddenly cried. You immediately moved to lift her to your chest and pat her back gently. 

"Shh..Shh..I'm here, I'm here sweetie. You want to go home, don't you?" You cooed as you tried using Sarah to get out of the situation. 

"Come on, Joel. Sarah wants to go home.” You put your hand to Joel’s upper arm.

You left your ex without explanation of who Sarah was or who Joel was, on purpose. You didn’t mean to use Joel and Sarah this way but you needed to. You wanted your ex to know that you were doing well without him. You wanted him to believe that you were happily married with a handsome husband and a beautiful baby even though it wasn’t the truth. If you had to be honest, you were still heart broken. You had trust issues with men since you got cheated on twice by the same man.

“You okay?” Joel was concerned because you were quiet the whole way back to Joel’s house.

“Hmm? What did you say?” You got back to reality.

“You okay?” Joel repeated.

“Yeah, yeah. Why am I not okay?” You scoffed trying to play it cool.

“Okay.” Joel was curious about you but he didn’t want to cross the line. 

“So, will you be home as usual?” You took Sarah from the stroller and moved her to the carseat.

“Uhm..I was thinkin’ about eating out for dinner. The three of us. If you want.” Joel’s cheek redden. 

“Of course. That’s a great idea.” 

“I’ll drive you to work today. Then I’ll pick you up at 6?” Joel suggested.

“Sure, thanks.” 

Joel dropped you off at work. He got out of the car just to help you with the baby stuff so he didn’t go inside the cafe to introduce himself because he was late to work. He kissed Sarah’s forehead before he drove away. You waved him goodbye and went inside your cafe.

“Is that the dad?” Your co-worker asked.

“That’s “the neighbor”?” Flo giggled and pushed you teasingly.

“Yep, that’s my neighbor, Joel. Sarah’s dad.” You crossed your arms to your chest.

“Your neighbor is freaking hot.” Flo shook you excitedly.

“I agree.” Your other co-worker added.

“Stop it. You guys.” You shook your head.

“Wonder why the baby’s mom left.” Flo wondered. 

You had told her what you heard the other night when Joel had a fight with his wife. Joel hadn’t told you anything about his wife or what happened. And you had never asked him about it. You knew it was something private and you would wait until he decided to open up to you. Because if you were in the same position, you also needed time to open up. Just like your random meeting with your ex this morning, you weren’t ready to talk about it. And Joel didn’t ask you a thing so you understood why he hadn’t told you about his wife. 

“I’m sure they have a reason.” You replied.

“Has he told you?” Flo asked.

“No. It’s not our business, Flo. Let’s get back to work.” You squeezed her shoulder and got back to work.

It was finally 6PM and you were waiting for Joel to pick you and Sarah up. You checked everything and left the rest to your employees. 10 minutes later Joel’s truck was parked in front of your cafe. He got out of the car and went inside. 

“Hey.” Joel greeted you.

“Hi.” You smiled.

“You haven’t met my friends. Guys, this is Joel. My neighbor.” You introduced him to your employees whom you considered your friends. You widened your eyes telling them to act normal.

“Hi, I’m Joel. Nice to meet you.” He shook their hands one by one. 

“Okay, I’m going now. Don’t forget to lock the door, okay?” You reminded your employees.

“I’ll see you guys later.” Joel took the baby bag and Sarah who was in the car seat. 

You and Joel went inside the car and you could feel that your employees were making heart gestures behind you. You looked back with two fingers pointing to your eyes then to them. You swore to God if Joel saw them, you would kill your employees for making you embarrassed. Thank God they acted normal when Joel and you got in the car facing them. 

“Do you have something you want to eat?” Joel started the car.

“Hmm. Let me think.” You put your hand to your chin.

“How about Mexican?” You suggested.

“I know a place.” Joel nodded and started driving.

You suggested Mexican for dinner so Joel drove you to his regular Mexican place. Joel and you were already comfortable enough with each other so you didn’t feel awkward with him. You two talked about different things but again, not relationship stuff. He didn’t even bring up what happened that morning and you were glad because you weren’t ready to open up.

“Hmm, this is so good. Why didn’t I know about this place?” You mumbled as you munched your empanadas.

“I’m glad it suits your taste.” Joel smiled.

*Sarah cries*

“Oh baby, you’re hungry too, aren’t you?” You cooed.

“Come here, come here.” You lifted Sarah from the car seat and brought her to your chest.

“Can you pass me her bottle from the bag please?” You pointed at the baby bag next to Joel.

“I’ll feed her.” Joel took the bottle and opened his arms for you to move Sarah to him.

“No, no. It’s okay. I’ll feed her. You must be tired from work.” You insisted.

Joel passed you the feeding bottle and you fed baby Sarah. She immediately sucked the bottle and drank the baby formula. 

“How do you know right away?” Joel was amused.

“Know what?” 

“That she’s hungry.” Joel rested his chin on his palm.

“I don’t know. Maybe we’re telepathic?” You shrugged. 

“You’re a natural.” Joel chuckled as he shoved a spoonful of his food.

Your stomach growled and you remembered you needed to eat too. So you put the baby bottle on the table for a second to eat. But when you grabbed your empanadas and just got only one bite, the baby in your arms snuggled her face to your breast. 

“Nuh-uh, Sarah, babygirl, don’t do that. That’s inappropriate.” Joel moved his index finger as a gesture of saying don’t. 

“Oh my God! What’s she doing?” You burst into laughter.

“Ugh-Sarah..baby..” Joel was embarrassed by his daughter’s actions.

“You’re funny, little girl. But, I don’t have any milk in my boobies sweetie.” You caressed her head.

“Here you go.” You put the baby bottle for her to suck.

“I’m sorry.” Joel apologized.

“It’s okay. I wish I could breastfeed her. I’m sorry.” You felt bad for the adorable baby girl in your arms for not being able to be breastfed. 

Joel spaced out for a while. His eyes were glistening with tears while watching her daughter in your arms. You looked at him and your heart broke for him. He was probably thinking about his wife or his daughter who should have had a mother.

“Joel?” You called him and he didn’t answer.

“Joel..” You called his name again.

“Huh?” He looked at you. A tear fell down to his cheeks and he wiped it hurriedly.

“You okay there?” You were concerned.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. You haven’t eaten yet. Let me help you.” He offered to feed you.

“No, no. It’s okay. I can eat later.” You were afraid he could see you blush when he fed you.

“Come on. Don’t want you to get sick.” He insisted and fed you.

You didn’t have a choice. So you opened your mouth and let him feed you. You were blushing. You hoped he didn’t realize your cheeks redden because of him. 

“Thank you.” You chewed as you fed baby Sarah.

Joel helped you eat until you finished feeding Sarah. You felt taken care of even when you had to take care of someone’s baby. You had never felt this way towards a man. Maybe..Maybe Joel was different. Different from your ex. Maybe he was a good guy. 

“Check, please.” Joel raised his hand to call the waitress. 

The waitress came to your table and gave you the check. Joel read the receipt and took out his wallet.

“I’ve been looking at the three of you and I wanted to say that you’re a really cute family. You two made a really beautiful baby.” The waitress said as she smiled at the baby. She was a bit older, in her 50s maybe.

“Oh! I’m not his wife. We’re neighbors.” You chuckled.

“Thank you.” Joel didn’t say anything but only a thank you. He gave the money to the waitress and she left with a shake on her head.

“She’s funny.” You shook your head.

“How much do I owe you?” You took out your purse.

“Oh, no. My treat.” Joel stopped your hand.

“Really?” 

“Yes, it’s nothin’ really. You did a lot for me and Sarah. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Okay. Thank you though. For dinner.” You smiled.

To be continued…

Taglist:

@lovelyygirl8 @skysmiller @moonlightdivine @crocodiile @angie2274 @pulchritudinousrogers @peqchsoup @msecho19 @happinessinthebeing @nyotamalfoy

[jjuniehao]

[02:39 pm]: bang chan

“come on, you need some fresh air!” you whine, squeezing chan’s cheeks when he still won’t budge, “maybe touching some grass, too. all you do is sit in this stuffy room, you probably have brain cells dying by the minute!”

chan breaks through his straight-faced demeanour and snorts at you, hands finding your waist and pulling you onto his lap, chin resting on your shoulder.

“baby, i’d love to, really. i wanna go on a real date with you so bad, but right now i just can’t spare the time, i’m sorry,” he mumbles, imagining the scowl you’re most likely wearing on your face right now, pressing a kiss behind your ear in hopes of soothing you a little.

his hopes be damned. though.

you groan, taking your boyfriend by surprise when you rise up from his lap, placing your hands on his shoulders and bending your knees to be on eye level with him.

“listen, mister. i get it, okay? i get it so hard— really, i understand, work is demanding and it’s hard to stay on top,” the serious look on your face makes him break out in a goofy smile, nodding along in hopes of maybe, perhaps receiving some praise for being such a diligent, hard worker from his favourite person…?

“but,” your tone drastically changes, furrowed eyebrows and lips pulled into a pout he’d really love to kiss instead of having you rip into him and his “capitalistic victim mindset” that “keeps him working until he eventually disintegrates with no trace left since he lived to work instead of working to live.”

pretty dramatic, but he gets your point. kinda.

“i’ve tried it all. i tried to be all caring and gentle to get you to take a break for just one night, i even brought cupcakes!”

“they were so good, ba—“

“i tried to be strict, i tried to be all smart and brought up all the health issues overworking and stress can cause,” chan looks at you sheepishly, feeling a little guilty for getting you so worried and desperate, though it also makes his heart flutter in a weird, twisted way.

“so i’m just going to be honest, and maybe a little selfish, and you’ll be the good boyfriend i know you are and agree with me, okay?” chan blinks at you, and before he can even come up with a counter, you have his cheeks cupped in your hands, determined eyes boring into his.

“i miss you. i miss spending time with you. i want my boyfriend. you always say i’m allowed to be a little selfish, so i’m cashing that in right now. i want to be selfish and i want you to go and have this cute little picnic i prepared. i even made mini sandwiches. do you know how annoying it is to cut lettuce into little squares?” chan stays quiet for a while. every second of silence makes the confidence you had built up shatter a little more, your eyes starting to nervously dart all over his face.

suddenly, you’re pulled back into his lap, face in his hands, cheeks squished, frantic kisses planted all over your face.

“wah, you’re so cute. what am i gonna do with you? how am i gonna work from now on when all i’ll be able to think about is your little speech?” he whines, pressing a kiss to your lips every few words, making you burst out in giggles he loves so much. “is that a yes?” the hopefulness in your voice makes chan melt, stealing another quick kiss from you.

“yeah but also no? i have maybe,” he reaches towards his phone laying on the desk, checking the time, “around 20 minutes. think we can make it outside, eat, and be back in that time?” chan is almost sure you’ll refuse, upset that he can’t spare you a little more time. instead, you practically shoot up from his lap, “well, then what are you waiting for?”

and with that you’re flying out the door and down the hall, chan scrambling to catch up with you, stupid lovestruck smile on his face.

part of the bucketlist boyfriends series

*i can’t link it since it messes w the tags </3

[autisticlenaluthor]

Hi, my name is Rory, I’m going to the Eras Tour in Amsterdam on July 5th and if you guys could somehow help me get this to @taylorswift / @taylornation - it would mean so much to me

Three years ago, I went from being perfectly healthy, to watching my body and my health rapidly deteriorate. My entire world got turned upside down— I lost the ability to eat, drink, and even stand for more than a few minutes.

I don't remember much from when I first got sick. But I know I listened to Mr Perfectly Fine on a loop almost every day because it was the only song that could capture how I felt. I've known and loved Taylor's music since I was six-years-old and first heard the album Fearless. i remember the first song I ever heard (love story) like it was yesterday; but somewhere during that time, her music became like therapy for me.

Since 2021, I've been diagnosed with three incurable diseases. two of these are rare, and one is predicted to only get worse with time. I've spent countless days inpatient on the peds floor receiving treatment, tests, and surgeries. And through all of it-- I've leaned heavily on Taylor's music.

My mom bought our Era's tour tickets last summer during the Europe pre-sale. I was in the hospital at the time and immediately told all of my nurses, doctors, dietitians and basically anyone who came into my room, that a year from then, i'd be seeing taylor swift. Whenever I could get out of bed, I was in the playroom with my child life specialists, making friendship bracelets to give out to other Swifties at the show. The thought of going to the Eras Tour singlehandedly kept me going through the hardest time of my life. And it's kept me going ever since.

Months later, I was hospitalized again, right before the release of 1989 TV. I'd been admitted the day after seeing The Eras Tour Movie in theaters (I was in theater 13, row 13!!) and I remember being so relieved that I hadn't had to miss it.

I had become known by most of the nurses as "the Taylor Swift girl” and the night before another procedure, I stayed up until midnight with everyone else so I could listen to 1989 TV. Hearing those songs-- I felt the happiest I'd been in so long. I felt normal again. I was sick and I was alone but I was connected to every other person who'd stayed up with me and that feeling was indescribable.

Taylor gave that to me, and so much more.

Over the course of my journey, I've listened to Sparks Fly to keep me calm while my doctors inserted feeding tubes down my nose. Whenever I have to be put under anesthesia, I have a nurse put her music on shuffle so I can listen to it as I fall asleep. When I had my big surgery in December, the last thing I remember was Bad Blood playing in the OR and saying "this is a funny song to have surgery to".

All of this is to say, Taylor has given me strength and hope during the worst part of my life, and she continues to do so. Her music is truly everything to me and getting to go the the Era's Tour is already a dream come true on it's own. And if it's possible - being able to receive the 22 hat and give Taylor a friendship bracelet would make all of that pain feel worth it. It would mean everything to me.

if you could reblog this and tag @taylorswift and @taylornation I'd appreciate that so much!! thank you to everyone whose read this far, and everyone whose shared this <3

EDIT: I’m going to be in section 119, row 20, seat 11

also if anyone is interested, I included some pics of the mentioned moments below the cut!

seeing the eras tour movie the day before having to be admitted, and then making friendship bracelets for tour in the hospital

the mirrorball is hung in my room for good luck

the bracelets i’d started making in the hospital, right after getting the tickets

and the day of the 1989 TV release - id stayed up until midnight to listen to the album, and then had my anesthesiologist play ‘Style’ for me to play while they put me out for my procedure

[tsuwabuki]

what if kobeni had a contract with famine?

1. she's the first one to mention starving in the infinity devil trap.

2. you could hide some foreshadowing under innocuous comments that anyone could make. it's not odd for a poor 20 year old girl to take comfort and enjoyment in tasty food. mentioning the hobby right after 'my devil is a secret' could be nothing, but....

3. someone on reddit mentioned a possible 'final girl' devil with kobeni which I love but I felt the kitchen knife mention would match better with famine. after all, we see falling devil act as a chef preparing a meal for famine. could expand that to kobeni.

4. after famine reveals her name at the aquarium, a kobeni bro makes his debut. also if the infinity devil was used by famine here, was it also used by famine the first time we see it?

5. what we know of famines motivations and context as a horseman translates well to a theory on kobenis abilities. they seem quite powerful when activated so you would need a powerful demon.

5a. ok so my theory. when kobeni is starved of enough good things (family, luck, companionship, safety, bravery, etc), to the point she is fully starved from her humanity, she becomes hyper competent.

you see her fail to reach this state in the hotel due to her clinging to humanity (feels bad about wanting denji dead, for stabbing aki, etc). I think she succeeds in reaching hypercompetence during the rhythm game bit due to being terrified and isolated, it just so happens that the hypercompetence went into playing the rhythm game.

the only other moment where kobenis devil contract ability(ies?) come into play is after her partner gets killed protecting her and she finds out her whole team has been wiped out.

5b. ok so how does this hyper competence after 'starvation' relate to famine as a devil? well the horsemen act as as symbols and metaphors for humanity/life to triumph over.

we see that supported by both conquest and famine taking the role of nurturing humans to become stronger. you could even make that claim for all devils but this isn't about that.

starving is supposed to trigger humanity's instinct to survive by Doing Whatever It Takes. this fits nicely to how I think kobenis contract functions and why she would accept a nerf on her life like that (and how it plays into mental health, childhood abuse, and how someone could choose permanent(?) self destruction at such a young point of their life).

the fact that we see her devil contract trigger (rhythm game) after she's already left public safety means she's stuck with that contract probably the rest of her life. she wanted to go to college but her neglectful parents forced her to pick between sex work and the equivalent of demon fodder.

and because we don't know anything about her contract, we don't know how much she gave up to have this power 😭 being starved of good luck sounds like a really bad longterm debuff even if you theoretically get really good luck at your most terrified moments.

i lost my train of thought here but I'll add one more tangential thing. fujimoto is showing multiple examples of what childhood abuse and/or lack of a stable life can do to someone and how those systems help, hurt, and trap them. kobeni is an example of something more grounded despite her being comedic relief and I love that contrast with her.

she was forced to join the military due to family pressure and economic situation, could not handle the mental strain and quit with a potential life long disability that could get worse over time. she gets a job at a fast food restaurant and has spent her life so far hopping from one toxic 'family' to another.

anyways. throwing kobeni famine contract into the theory pile

[olderthannetfic]

You've encountered site changes over time as a fan elder, what do you make of Tumblr potentially being put out to pasture? Tumblr was my coming of age fan site, and im looking for advice to transition to the next thing with grace and less bitterness than I feel now.

--

Ahaha. God, you should have heard the howling about LJ. "Fandom is over!" "Never again shall we dwell in fandom's True Home!" etc.

Hell, this endless "only LJ was good" crap turns up in replies here on posts where I as OP have very clearly laid out why that's rose colored glasses nonsense and you can so make friends on tumblr, have a conversation on tumblr, etc.

I had my crabby phase about this during the transition from Yahoo Groups to LJ. A lot of the real olds had it over paper zines and the transition to the internet.

I don't know if reading these hilariously samey old posts would help. It does give perspective, I think.

--

As for what you should do, do what I did with Tumblr:

1.

Look around to identify the Next Thing fandom is going to camp out on.

It may take a few guesses and some time to figure this out. You will likely not be an early adopter. Fandom was well established here by the time I joined at the end of 2010. Of course, by now, all those 2009 and before accounts are long gone, but at the time, I was a n00b joining other people's space despite having been in fandom for ages.

2.

Don't expect to enjoy it

I didn't join tumblr because I liked it. In fact, I despised it. I kept right on despising it until a brief stint in Sherlock fandom, a fandom that was so active here at the time that I was able to finally see the good aspects of the site's structure and features.

This is the mistake a lot of people make. They give things a cursory try, don't enjoy them, and go "not for me", forgetting that the last site also had a steep learning curve that was either difficult or that they didn't notice because they were in a different phase of their life.

Bitterness and grief are, frankly, an inherent part of the process. You can try not to be a debbie downer in your public comments, but you can't just not feel those things during the awkward part of the transition. Sometimes, acting positive and cutting off excessively negative thoughts can make you feel less negative overall, but it doesn't happen immediately.

3.

Accept that feeling cranky and old is both a you problem and a state of mind, not a property of the new site

Relatedly, the way we remember fandom platform X feeling usually has more to do with us being in college with fandom friends down the hall or having discovered Our People for the first time or some other time when we had a lot of energy and positive emotions. Often, we were in the throes of a first or new fandom love too, probably for some megafandom that other people also cared about at the same time.

When fandom is leaving some site, there's a grieving process anyway, but we're also often in a worse part of our lives for starting new things. We're busy. We're tired. We're between fandoms. We feel like we already paid our dues to build up our community. Why should we have to start again?

But let me tell you, you always need to start again eventually. I go to a weekly vidders' zoom chat, and a lot of the people in there are old as balls, including Kandy, the person who invented vidding back in the 70s. She's a lot of decades and a few cancers in, and she had to relearn how to vid on a computer after transitioning from slideshows to VCR vidding back in the day. If bad health, platform changes, and dead friends were going to stop her, she'd be long gone.

It's like sharks: you stop swimming, you die.

This isn't just about fandom, obviously. It's about avoiding a midlife crisis and, later, about avoiding feeling emotionally geriatric even when your body is falling apart.

Change gets us all, but being mentally old is a choice. The real reason I gave tumblr such a try was that I had been so resistant to getting on LJ. I was 20. Even a year later, it was fucking embarrassing to have been a crotchety old hag as a college student. I promised myself I'd soldier through the next change instead of dragging my feet about it. And it totally worked in the end! But boy did it not make the transition any less unpleasant emotionally!

4.

Find your joy

As is obvious from the above, the vast majority of the problem is just emotions. Fandom has been on a million broken sites with shitty features. We go where the people are, regardless of whether it has the technological aspects we liked at the last place. The actual shape of that platform is largely irrelevant.

What does matter is whether we as an individual fan are still excited and happy about something. I was between fandoms recently and went looking around for BL series I hadn't watched yet. People kept suggesting things set in the present day with too-cheesy production values and too many banal schoolboys in modern day settings without even anything spicy going on. I realized that the BL/danmei scene wasn't really cutting it for me and I should go for production values and genre and non-canon ships. You probably scrolled annoyedly past the picspams that resulted.

(Of course, hilariously, someone has now shown me the trailer of Red Peafowl, so someone may be making BL that feels like it's for me after all. Look at all that badwrong and very dark color grading.)

When you're in a good place emotionally, it's a hell of a lot easier to weather any change, and when you have a new fandom, it's a lot easier to connect with other fans.

A lot of people wait around for lightning to strike twice. They found their first fandom by accident, and they expect it to happen seamlessly again. For me, it's far more productive to brute force it: collect up a big list of what's popular or what's new and go through it till you find things you might like, then try them all.

And part of this, obviously, is not waiting for other fans to make the party happen. The more you need to join something other people are already doing, the less choice you'll have in fandoms or in platforms. If you aren't picky and just go where the tropey longfic is, that can work, but even then, favorite authors disappear or go to fandoms you hate and former megafandoms dry up. If you're the one bringing the party, it's a lot easier to find a new fandom or platform or community to have fun in.