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nurseofren · 4 years

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Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 25 (NSFW)

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Read chapter twenty-four

Title: Take it Back

Words: 5.9K

Summary: The good thing about rock bottom? You can only go up from here.

Warnings: PTSD, rape trauma.

ST Rambles: Hello, my patient, understanding readers. It is great to be posting this tonight. I start the last two weeks of my semester tomorrow and I wanted to have this out before the end of November. Maybe not what you expected, but I hope it sufficed after five weeks. AND it's even a Sunday. Going back to my roots haha.

My final final exam is December 17th and I do not believe I will be doing much writing between now and then or even now and the end of the year. So, if that is the case and I do not end up posting in December - I wish you all a happy holiday season and a bright - hopefully BETTER - New Year.

[MASTERLIST] || BANNER/ @elmidol

The important things are always the most difficult to say; they come with that stomach-churning uncertainty that strikes through your skull and tightens your throat. The moment that first admission comes, though it may be the easiest, there is a lightness to your shoulders that you thought would never return. You knew this. Even so, when you told Mason of the event that preceded your escape from Starkiller, you were a shaking, petrified mess.

Now, sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes bloodshot from two days of crying, you listened to the rhythm of his breath. He was sleeping off the emotional exhaustion you had put him through. The night you had rang his residence had been the worst of it; you could barely speak for those first twelve hours, too preoccupied with thoughts of whatever suffering Kylo Ren had in store for you on Canto Bight, too scared of how Mason would react to the news that you had taken a life.

That second night he had your head pressed to his chest, patience warm in his hold, and you finally felt safe enough to tell him everything – Robbie’s involvement, his trespassing, the violation still singeing your veins. Tears framed every word, an eternal blotch forming on Mason’s shirt. He could take it all, and he did; no question or comment, only a hand stroking your back and cool breath blowing over your ear.

But that was not what you had been afraid to tell him. Of course it wasn’t. The fact that you had endured Robbie’s attack was a preface to words you had only spoken once before, and even then you’d believed they would remain only in your mind. A crushing guilt coiled around your rib cage, Mason shushing your sobs, a bitterness flooding your tongue.

Yes, Robbie had hurt you. Yes, Robbie had raped you. Yes, Robbie had permanently marked your life with the pain he had inflicted. You knew all of these things. They were undeniably true. A part of you, though, loud and overwhelming, was reluctant to let you rationalize your actions. In the hours you had spent in the medbay, and even now in the dark of early morning, you fought back the mentality of a true healer does not kill. A true healer would have found another way.

Staring Mason in the eyes, trying to make out his expression through a bleary view, you told him how you had no choice but to act in defense. Robbie was not going to stop; it was him or you. You told Mason how the lights went out and you clung to a life you were unsure if you wanted, only explaining that the scissors had hit the stormtrooper’s femoral artery with miraculous precision, not including how you felt the body-hot blood spurt across the backs of your hands. There was no mention of how you watched the tile beneath him bloom with crimson, not a word to describe how your skin buzzed when the door slid shut, leaving him to time.

Kylo Ren was nowhere to be found in your recount; Mason, even with the knowledge that you had taken someone’s life, was not ready to hear anything involving his commander or supreme leader. In keeping their involvement in the matter to yourself you were protecting him; Mason would get himself killed if he knew what was hidden beneath his hand-me-down pajamas. It was obvious in the way he would not allow you to be alone during these past two days that you he loved you. And you did love him; not the same as before, but enough to the point where sleeping in his arms was safe, not suffocating.

But even in their safety the nightmares still found you; it was uncertain if they would ever cease, and it worried you to think you were supposed to be broadcast to who knows how many planets in a matter of days. It was surprising that your lunge from the mattress had not woken Mason, a cold sweat encasing your body; he had only shifted, fingers reaching for your now absent form.

If you were relying on his alarm clock – which you were, the watch tight to your wrist still out of commission – it was cusping on three in the morning. These past three nights had supplied the most sleep you had gotten since fainting, exhaustion finally catching up with you. Mason had called out the past few days, explaining to Dr. Soto that he had a family emergency. When you had overheard him speaking on the phone, that detail had heated the tops of your ears. You had stayed in the bubble he’d provided since entering, but you needed to prepare for travel as in less than thirty-six hours you were going to be strapped into a transport ship and headed to your potential demise.

Maybe baselessly, you hoped that Kylo Ren’s quarters would be vacant at this time of day. In an effort to be as quiet as possible, you slipped on your shoes and shrugged into one of Mason’s scrub coats leftover from school. It was navy blue and still smelled of your old simulation lab. Even though he was smaller then, the sleeves crested the tips of your fingers. It was hard to believe Kylo Ren was even bigger than him.

The mattress creaked the moment you stood from it, a grimace tightening your cheeks in fear that you would wake your sleeping friend. But there was no sound to indicate Mason had stirred, and with that you went to look for your keycard. Thankfully one of your nurses had the thought to empty the pockets of your uniform before setting it aside, your Finalizer access key placed with what remained of your personal belongings.

The living area was difficult to navigate without light, the unfamiliar surroundings knocking into your knees and making you hiss curses. And then your heart fell.

Mason spoke your name from the room you had come from, grogginess thick in his voice. “What are you doing? It’s barely three-o-clock.” A light flicked on out of view, Mason stumbling into the room, arms stretched above his head. “You know, I have lights for a reason.”

“Sorry I woke you”—you continued your search—“I was trying not to make any noise, but I’m not used to your layout here.”

Mason shuffled closer. “Nah, it’s okay. I’m glad to see you upright. Just confused why you are at this hour.”

“I’m going to try and get my clothes from my residence. Have you seen my bag? The one I brought with me?”

“I put your bag through the wash,” Mason yawned, sauntering toward a drawer where he pulled out your keycard, “so all you brought is in here.” In the dark you saw a softness in the way he observed you, drawing closer with each step. “You don’t think they’ll hear you out in a pair of my sweats and—” he pinched the jacket’s collar, a smile forming when his eyes met yours “—this piece of history?”

The heat from his hand wafted under your chin, an amused huff leaving your nose. “I assumed you wouldn’t mind me borrowing it.” you took the keycard and pushed it into a pocket. “Thank you for washing my bag, by the way. And for letting me stay here. And for being… understanding. Of things.”

“I don’t want your thanks. We’re there for each other. It’s what we do.” He shook his head, folding his arms around you and pulling tight. “You were defending yourself. I know how you operate. Stop looking for ways to feel bad about this.” You did not respond, eyes closed, breath caught. “You did what you had to. I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe it.”

“Mason, I’m scared. What if I can’t win this thing? What if this is all just for show and the Board is corrupt and I’m just another pawn in the First Order’s game?” You clung to him, swallowing tears.

“You really have no faith in my kickass public speaking skills, do you?”

“You’re not allowed to make me laugh one second after making me cry,” you pouted, smacking his back.

“Maybe I’ll start my testimony with how unthreatening you are.”

“I could take you down, McCarty. We both know that.”

“I’ll also mention how delusional you are.”

“I think that white coat is getting to your head; what’s the basis of your diagnosis?”

Mason rubbed your back once more and pulled away so his fingertips could trail up and down your triceps. “Aside from the fact you think you could beat me in a fight,” a smirk tightened his face, one forming over your own, “you’re going into this with the worst in mind. You’re forgetting how smart you are. How likeable you are.” He swallowed. “You’re going to survive this.”

“And if I do, what then? My license is revoked if I win. What’ll I do with myself?”

Mason’s jaw twitched at its hinge, his eyes flicking between yours, something caught in his throat. His face was riddled with fluid thoughts, yet it was evident there was something holding them back. “We will… figure that out.”

A deep breath dropped your shoulders, time passing in the quiet. “Right now I just need to go pack, essentially.”

“I’ll come with you. Four hands will make the job quicker.”

Alarm sounded. That had to be the absolute worst idea in the galaxy. Mason did not know where you had previously resided – more importantly: he did not know who you’d resided with. “Oh, no. I want to take my time, you know? Gives me a while to think before…everything.” You tried to hide the vehemence of your rejection.

Mason sighed, leaning down, gentle hands cupping the base of your skull. He pressed his lips to your forehead, firm yet fast, and pulled away. A wave of warmth washed down your spine. His touch trailed away when he stepped over to activate the door. You stepped past the threshold and turned back to him, his stare almost yearnful.

“Be careful, got it?”

A slight, curious smile lifted your cheeks. “I literally murked someone with my own two hands, man.” Still a bit unsteady in making light of the situation, you thought he could use a laugh.

He made a pitiful attempt toward amusement; attention on the floor, fingers picking at themselves. “Well, just…promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Hey,” he looked back up, lips set firm. “I won’t be long. I’ll use my commlink if anything happens. I promise.” There was hesitance in his nod, concern excruciating in his features. You took one of his hands. “Get some sleep, okay?” Another weak nod. “Promise me?”

He relaxed by a small measure, jaw looser. “Yeah. Promise.”

Mason watched as you made your way down the hall and out of his view, your arms wrapping his jacket across your chest, feet quick in their journey. Most of your walk was spent in the residential maze, the monotony of your surroundings turning you around a few times. But when you made it out into the main functioning center, seeing multitudes of occupied hover-cots stationed one above the other, reality made itself obvious.

A hollow feeling of privilege brought your eyes down. There had been innumerous deaths from Starkiller, but there was a sadness in seeing what remained of those who’d escaped. So many lives were still in shambles, so many misplaced after their homes were destroyed. Though you had your own problems – looming or dealt with – you at least had never gone without a room or a friend, never without choosing to do so. Seeing their sleeping faces, knowing they would wake to another long day of unknowns, you wished to aid them in some way; a warm blanket, an open ear, someone to be quiet with. You would never have the opportunity, that knowledge enough to force your head down until you entered the Elite foyer.

A hand bumped into yours when you went to scan your badge, finding a less-than-prim General Hux.

“Oh,” you gasped, ripping your hand away.

Hux looked down at you, a silent wish for your absence obvious in his face. He opened his mouth but shut it when he looked over your clothing, a pinch bringing his brows closer. “Cold, officer?”

You could not help but focus on the single piece of hair hanging over his forehead. He was usually so crisp, no wrinkles to his uniform, nothing out of order. But here he was, presumably returning to his quarters at three in the morning. How curious.

“Oh, not at all, General. And you?”

“Am I cold?” He would have sneered longer had the elevator not arrived. “No, not particularly.” He stepped past the threshold, a stark turn bringing him to face you again.

“Yeah, your face is just so red. No idea why I asked.” You would never endanger Talia by dropping her name. But a few tiny, otherwise baseless implications couldn’t harm anyone.

He paused, stunned by your candor. “What are you doing out at this hour?”

“What are you doing out at this hour? Seems a bit early for board meetings.”

“There is only one board meeting you should be concerned with, officer.”

The door began to close. Adrenaline sparked in your chest, hand flinging toward the ID scanner, legs lunging across the frame; you stood next to the general, gripping the wall support and analyzing his horrified face.

“This is gross misconduct. I should have you-,”

“Gross misconduct is a tricky thing, I’ve found. But you wouldn’t know a thing about that, would you?”

His eye twitched. He was irritated. Good. “You’re not even worth it at this point.”

“What ever are you referring to, General?”

“You don’t have many breaths left. It would be a waste of my own to write you up.” He was not looking at you, but rather at his obsidian-set reflection.

He was right, and that made this all the more fun; you could say whatever you wanted and it would not matter. He would always be against you. Why not play into it? “Don’t be too disappointed. You can always put it in your testimony.”

Hux dragged in a breath. “You are quite at ease with your death.”

“No, I wouldn’t say I’m at ease,” you sighed, the floor numbers shifting upward. “Not with dying, at least.”

His head craned to look at you, eyes narrowed, analyzing. “What, then?”

“Um,” you feigned disinterest, bringing a hand up to look at your nails. “My ease stems from the fact that I know what my future holds.”

“What are you getting at, officer?” It was an insidious whisper, all too calculating.

The doors shifted open and your heart stopped; a familiar entryway came into view. When you last left here you did not think you would ever return. Swallowing, nerves trilling, you stepped away from Hux and into the unlit room. It was devastatingly quiet. Vacant, you hoped, eyes closing with relief.

“I’ll see you at the initial hearing, General.” You did not turn around, only lifting a hand to wave him off, to listen as the doors shut and the shaft took him away.

It had never been a bright space, but now it seemed darkness was encroaching from every angle. There was something haunting in being here, something stabbing in the air. Similarly, it had never been warm, but a chill bit through to your bone; you were not sure if you imagined it, but a cloud of fog fell with each breath you took. In your absence these surroundings had accentuated only their worst traits; what surrounded you now was but a void framed in concrete walls.

Stepping into the main space, attempting toward stealth, the galaxy piercing that infinite pane of transparisteel stopped you. There had been a few times you had just leaned against it, observed; always finding comfort, sometimes even answers. Though, to contrast the cold and dark, the stars seemed dim, sparse; they were still, none chasing the others, stagnant but for a few fatal flickers.

No longer busied by the stars, you were met with the destruction that lay before them. Scarlet splinters framed the celestial background, metal strings curling upward, keys in chaos across the floor; the instrument that had enamored you in its beauty now a shattered echo of pain. The sight forced you forward, ebony dread slicing through your lungs. This was the work of someone crazed, lost in their rage; caged in it.

You tapped at your left wrist. Though you wished you could take all the time needed to piece the remains back together, time was wearing on; you needed to leave before the present damage had the possibility to be inflicted upon you. Jaw tight, hands clasped together and pulled over your sternum, you stalked to your door, noting your nameplate remained, cursing the hydraulics for being as loud as they were.

Once inside, nails biting into your palms at the second, closing hiss, you opened your eyes to find that nothing had been touched since the last time you were here. The bed was untouched, sheets set in wrinkles, within them a past life. In the absence of light you ensured a silent gait, trailing a light hand over the bedding, ice beneath your fingertips. There were tear stains on your pillowcase, that night prior to departure inked into memory, a skip in your heart at the thought.

This was taking too long. There was no time to trip down memory lane. Things have changed; no use in mourning the unattainable. You shook your head, stepping over to the wardrobe and activating the door. Another hiss clamoring into the fragile silence. Five scrub dresses remained in perfect shape, pressed and hanging at equal increments; you gathered them over your forearm and made do with that pillowcase, shoving them in to make space for undergarments.

You had forgotten they were there, tucked to the very back, uncovered when you mindlessly dragged every bra and pair of panties into your makeshift storage bag. For all intents and purposes they were gifted to you. Allowed, really, but the only tangible piece of him he had offered so willingly. Kylo Ren’s socks had come to mean more than you’d ever imagined, and all you wanted was to forget the security they had once provided.

They were light in your hands, soft at first touch and as they unfolded onto your wrists. Eyes shut, breath slow, you brought the pair to your cheek; an ache flickered in your chest, a yearning for something so far away. It was in moments like these where you remembered you were but a messenger in all of this heartbreak. Snoke had delegated his damage, had weaponized you, used you as he was Kylo. It burned to the very pits of your soul, buzzed in your teeth, stung at your eyes. That creature had this planned from the beginning, from the very day you had stepped foot in this room.

“Vile waste of breath,” you shuddered, spit splitting off at the bite.

Suddenly, spine lit to the tips of your fingers, you remembered the contents of the bedside table at your back. Fury lit your stride, hands electric with hatred, tearing the drawer open and scraping up the letter. A thumb crushed dimples into the stiff paper, whole body shaking; face heated, twisted with a rage that could only be quenched by unleashing it on Snoke’s untouchable existence. You readied to shred the correspondence, swallowing a scream, trembling with wrath; it fell from your grip before you could, though, landing face-up between your feet.

Just like that your resolve toward destruction crumbled, your hands reaching for it and bringing it just inches from your face. It was real: that pointed script, too delicate for the hand from which it’d come. It dipped under your finger, the pressure of Kylo’s grip present in the scrawl. So powerful; so delicate. It was as impossible as he was. But what more could you do but stand here and admire it in secret and lightlessness?

The worn letter and the pair of socks were tucked into a jacket pocket, the packed pillowcase over your shoulder. You were ready to go, never to return here again. This time that would be true. A swallow, a breath, and a shiver preceded your fingers reaching to activate your door. Another too-loud hiss, another moment spent with closed eyes. It was quieter, now, less invasive; and you might have brushed it off and not questioned it. Might have; eyes opening to an expanse of taut muscle, tiny moles and freckles embellishing it along his healing wounds.

The belongings hanging over your back met the ground, a soft thud barely audible through the incessant beating – pounding – of your heart. Again you were stalled in thought, not knowing how to proceed, not seeing a way out of this that wasn’t messy or complicated. He knew everything that was never intended for him, he heard your tear-framed words; yet he met you with vacancy, walked past you those days ago and taunted you with the pain you’d poured out to him.

“Commander Ren,” you cleared your throat, his focus set on the bag at your feet, “I needed clothes for Canto Bight.” Narrowed eyes met yours, a long stride leading you back in the room. “I was just leaving.”

“You were.” The door closed behind him. “We’re past pleasantries; you know my name. Use it.” A snarl ghosted his face, possessive eyes fixated on Mason’s navy coat, his voice a deep velvet.

Another step back, mouth drying with each second, your hand toyed with a jacket fastener. Every muscle of his was tensed, jaw tight and shoulders paced to purposeful breaths. Transparent bacta dressed his abdominal wound, its borders creasing with every step he took. He did not limp; in fact, he seemed otherwise healed given he’d been unconscious just over a week ago.

“Kylo,” you gulped, “Kylo I can’t do this. You know that.”

One more step forward, drawstrings swaying at his waist. “I know what I heard.” He was still focused on your jacket, eyes darting across it in calculation.

“So let me leave here. Let me at least try and survive this.”

“I’m not keeping you here. Go now, if it’s what you want.”

The heel of your shoe hit the bedside table. There was nowhere left to run. He was close, staring down at you, sole concentration not shifting. The air was thick, time pressing on, heat splintering down your back. He had to be lying. It was a trap, surely.

“Fine,” you pressed a weak hand just under his right rib, “excuse me, then.” He allowed you past him, staying in place as you collected your spilled belongings.

“Only if it is what you want.” His voice boomed off the walls.

Your hand stalled over the activator. “What are you saying?”

“You talked a lot about choices. It brought me to the realization that you have never made one for yourself,” a low hum, consideration, “maybe one.”

“That’s a low blow coming from someone who slaughters whole villages without a second thought,” you barked, fire lighting over your tongue. You turned to face him, his stance unchanged. “I told you those things thinking you couldn’t hear me. And now because of some Force fuckery, coma-adjacent bullshit you’re rubbing them in my face.”

“You think I’m insulting you for killing an enemy?” Kylo’s hair shook at his shoulders when he turned to face you again, his eyes now on yours. “You’re more confused than I thought.”

“Wow. Yes, I want to go. It’s a better option than staying here and listening to how stupid I am.”

“You convict yourself. Do not believe otherwise.”

“Fucking- what are you talking about?”

He crossed the room, stopping a stride away. He observed you through a perspective solely known to him. “I never questioned your intelligence. I never gave a second thought to the death of that stormtrooper. But you’ve done both of these in excess. You are your own worst enemy.”

Thoughts scrambled to form, defenses weak against his logic. “And your worst enemy sits on a throne while you do his bidding,” an unbridled, bitter laugh rang around the room, “He’ll probably worm into your head later and see all of this. And I will be the one who suffers.”

Metal clanged the back of your skull, an icy hand locked tight to your throat. “You are acting recklessly,” Kylo hissed your name, “you’ll suffer sooner by your own hand than the supreme leader’s. Sooner than mine.”

“That seems- improbable,” you strangled out, scraping your nails against his wrist.

The pressure lightened, blood rushing through your head. He kept his hand in place, heavy breaths shifting under his grip. His eye twitched, that black-set scar moving with it. The weight of his fingers shifted lower, spanning the width of your chest, thumb preoccupied with the jacket collar’s edge.

“Always the physician,” he breathed, voice so low you were unsure if you were meant to hear it.

“Mason has never hurt me.” It was an immediate answer, Kylo’s brows knitting, more in thought than in pain. “I trust him.”

His throat bobbed, cool black suffocating the warmth of his irises, a petrified pause stuck between him and you. “Do you want to leave here?”

“Wha- yes! I’ve been trying for the past-,”

“Without considering McCarty. Without considering the supreme leader,” he swallowed, “without considering me.” A certain loneliness glinted just beyond the eyes that studied yours, breathtaking and frightening, heart-stopping the longer you peered back at it. “Only thinking about yourself.”

“What, Kylo?”

His hand left you now, Kylo leaning away and standing back. He observed you; surely his eyes had never rested. “Do you want to leave here? Is that what you want?”

“Why would that make it any different?” There was no sense to this game, no point you could see.

“If there’s any truth to what you said, you’ll do as I say.”

Something broke within your chest when he spoke these words. If. He had heard you; he’d heard everything. But it had not undone the damage Snoke had caused. “You think I was faking that?” you whispered, numbness growing with the lack of response he offered. “Why would I lie to someone I thought couldn’t hear me? Why- why would I- I cried, I told you everything and you still think Snoke has noth-,”

Kylo locked his lips to yours, every word you were going to say disappeared, every thought you might have spoken lost to him. He was furious in his effort to keep you close; nails bit at your scalp, a bare chest warmed your skin, strong legs framed yours. He was all but lifting you from the ground. This urgency claiming his every move kept you from making any of your own, arms limp at your sides, nothing to protest this advance.

It felt right. That was all you knew. He felt good, like nothing would ever compare to him. Though you tried to feel guilty about it, attempted to pull away when images of Mason and Snoke fleeted in and out of thought – you couldn’t. This was what you wanted. This is what you wanted. This is what you wanted.

His hands were bound to you, your own clasping around his wrists, slowing him until still. The two of you warmed the other’s cheeks with quick, needy breaths. With your head tipped up to his, the cradle of his fingers still firm, you opened your eyes; in the black of night, not a viewport around, there were stars before you, dim and scarce, but there.

“No,” you pled, “no. My answer is no.” The tip of your nose nudged his bottom lip, breath stalled in his lungs. “No, I don’t want to leave here. Kylo, I don’t want to leave.”

A slow attack was made to press your lips to his; first kissing a corner, then teething at his bottom lip, and finally finding his in full. Your hands trailed up his arms and framed his face, his own tearing that jacket from your arms like it was his mortal enemy, just as fiercely pulling your top above your head to uncover your breasts. Chills ignited your back only to die when the heat of his hold trailed down your spine and hooked into the waistband of your pants.

The second you stepped out of the sweats you clung to his neck and attempted to wrap your legs around him, a quiet grunt coughed from his throat when you grazed his abdominal wound. It stalled you for a moment, a fragment of time spent checking to see if he was okay. It surprised you when you found the grunt didn’t appear to be from pain, but from want.

“You liked that?” you whispered, a lasciviousness edging the genuine concern in your voice.

Kylo hiked your leg over his wound, clutched it to him and held you there. His mouth was ardent over your artery, teeth trailing down so his lips could press into the tops of your breasts. He was so big, every part of him was massive and capable and you knew that you would give him what he wanted, and for some reason you knew – maybe if just right now – he would give you the same.

The room moved, spun, the bed growing closer. His pants fell with the help of your heels kicking them down. His hair was soft to the touch, your lips pressing to the midnight strands over his temple. He laid down, your legs straddling his waist, a pulse beating against your left inner thigh. Warmth spread below, a dark red flaring even in the surrounding shadows. It was so familiar, too similar to ignore.

Blood pooling. Red. A man beneath you, a conqueror. Darkness. The scar over his face a mirror of what you’d given Robbie, something sinister creeping onto your shoulders, a sense of doom. A mirage of tremors around you, the world unsteady in an instant. Screams. Screaming so loud, everything was so loud.

“I can’t do this. No, no, I can’t do this. It’s too much, I can’t-,”

A hand pulled you down, lips just missing yours, security obvious in the hold. “He took something from you,” Kylo drawled, a hand guiding your eyes to his. He kept you steady in his stare for a number of seconds, an eloquent silence punctuating the order that next left him. “Take it back.”

It felt like you had been permitted to let go, like Kylo Ren’s words had freed you from the cell you’d been living in since that day. A tear formed and fell, sinking into the black binding over his cheek. You kissed it, and then his nose, and then found his lips again; the tip of your tongue slid past his teeth and flicked along the side of his, flutters forming in your belly.

Kylo’s hands left your neck and came down to your hips, a thumb brushing over his flesh-set signature; it prompted you to sit up, to look down at him through strands of mussed hair. His cock slid along your slit, slick easing the motion. When his tip caught on your clit he shifted his hips, forcing upward and erupting shocks along every inch of your skin. A moan sent your head back, Kylo grunting with pleasure, your hips shifting along his length.

He captured your stare, the head of his cock lining up with your entrance; he was offering you the chance to right so much wrong, to do exactly what he had told you – to take back what you had lost. There was a patience so slight that only the trained eye could recognize. Several breaths preceded the courage it took to let yourself go, to feel connection and not fear when you lowered onto him.

The man below you shuddered, the wound now at your knee still contained, the blood from earlier all a trick of your mind. To have him seated so deep inside you, to feel him solid, warm, and real beneath you – it created this sense of peace. Like nobody could take this from you, like this was a gift. One of you physically, the other inwardly – you were both healing. Your hips rocking against him, tiding with his own, panting filling the room and sweat humidifying the air, you realized this was the first moment since getting that early morning alarm for Jakku that you had felt completely at ease.

There were things you were still uncertain of – the trial, Talia’s situation, Mason, Snoke – but, for now, you chose to set them aside. Tears stopped forming but still streamed past your chin, wetting your breasts before him. Kylo caught one that had slipped down your sternum, massaging it into his thumb before pressing the pad of the digit past your lips. A groan flourished from him when you bit at his joint, sucking the salty tear from his skin, feeling his dick grind against that sensitive spot with every thrust of his hips that met your own.

You pulled his thumb from your mouth and positioned his hand over your tit, grabbing for his other and placing it on the opposite. He pawed at the flesh, his head tipping back into the mattress, jaw tight and teeth gnashed. Wet sounds squelched with each bounce, grinding circles onto him and watching pleasure build, a vibrant flush swelling atop his chest.

Just when you thought he would finish you felt the buzzing pressure of the Force right over your clit, hitting it perfectly. A loud, unapologetic squeal escaped, your hands squeezing over Kylo’s, the two of you moving in a synchronicity you had only ever known possible with him. Release budded in your belly, stretched down your thighs, and reached the very tips of your toes, blood singing for him. Kylo’s hands were no doubt marked into your tits now, his fingers forming fists, climax ripping through him with a series of building breaths. He fucked up into you through his orgasm, spend spilling out onto your thighs.

His chest was expansive, yet still wounded, a gentleness leading you down to rest upon it. You kept his hands in yours, holding onto them at either side, no resistance from him. Kylo wrapped his fingers around your left wrist, lifting it out of sight, curious movements tracing along the region. It barely registered; you were not cognizant of time, only knowing that you were here with him right now. It is what you wanted. It is what you chose.

A sound – digital, high-pitched – beeped at your left, the room bathed in a dull red a second later. The face of your watch was lit, eyes squinting at its concentrated brightness. You held up your arm, an elbow propping you up on his chest. The red dot rested at the center of your radar, the sight leaving you with an unexpected relief.

The time read 05:03 in the corner, a sigh leading your head to his chest, eyes closing in reluctance. “I told Ma-,”

“You don’t want to leave,” Kylo murmured, his breath slowing with each minute.

He was right. Mason would understand; he would have to.

“No,” you kissed the scar beneath your lips, “I want to stay.”

#kylo ren #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren imagine #st kyp #keeping your promise #smut #angst #fluff

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hopelikethemoon · 4 years

Text

Cruel Dreams (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Cruel Dreams Rating: PG-13 Length: 2800 Warnings: Angst Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set November 1991. Set directly after Stircrazy. Summary: Reader has a dream.

@grapemama @seawhisperer @huliabitch @beccaplaying @rogrsnbarnes@thewallpapergoesorido @twomoonstwosuns @gooddaykate @livasaurasrex@ham4arrow@plexflexico @readsalot73 @hdlynn @lokiaddicted @randomness501 @fioccodineveautunnale @roxypeanut @snivellusim @lukesrighthand @historynerd04 @mrsparknuts@synystersilenceinblacknwhite @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @exrebelshocktrooper@awesomefandomsunited @ah-callie @swhiskeys @lady-tano @u-wakatoshii @space-floozy@cable-kenobi @cool-ultra-nerd @himbopoes @findhimfives @pedrosdoll @frietiemeloen@arrowswithwifi @random066 @uncomicalhumour @heather-lynn @domino-oh-damn@cyarikaaa @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @im-still-a-pieceofgarbage @ksgeekgirl @yabby-girl @xqueenofthecraziesx @punkass-potato@coredrive @pascalesque@theduchessofkirkcaldy @queenquazar @sabinemorans @buckstaposition @holkaskrosnou@yespolkadotkitty @fleetwoodmactshirt @seeking-a-great–perhaps @kochamcie @jaime1110@katlikeme

Sometimes your dreams were cruel. Sometimes your dreams took you back to your childhood, to evenings spent hiding from your mother, summer days in the park with your father… Sometimes you even dreamed of Lance, which almost always filled you with a sense of regret, because you used him to fill a hole you knew he couldn’t fill. He fell for you and you were just passing the time.

But the worst dreams were the ones that were about Javier. Because those weren’t fragmented dreams of past follies — they were almost always dreams about what could have been. A better world than the one you lived in.

There had to be something wrong with you. You kept dreaming about him and it did nothing to help that deep sense of longing you felt for him.

“You asshole!” You shouted with a laugh as you swung open your apartment door, relieved to see him waiting on the other side for you. “You gave me a fucking heart attack.” You informed him as you hobbled forward, without hesitation, and threw your arms around him.

Javier hesitated for a split second, before he curled his arms around her, running his hand up and down the length of her back. “Hey, hobble horse.” He murmured, leaving her feeling warm all the way to her core.

“Oh, fuck you.” You laughed, punching him in the arm lightly, trying to shake these new feelings you felt.

“How are you feeling?” He questioned, giving your waist a gentle squeeze.

“Better now,” You pulled back, grinning up at him. “Much better now.” It had been three days since you’d last spoken to him — he hadn’t called like he promised.

“Yeah?” Javier mirrored your grin, his gaze flickering to your lips for the briefest moment, before he shoved his hands into his leather jacket and stood awkwardly there in the hallway. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Come in,” You offered, grabbing ahold of his arm at his elbow, guiding him inside your apartment. “Sorry about the mess…” You scrunched up your nose as you gestured to the empty beer bottles and the take out boxes sitting on your kitchen counter.

“You got shot, baby… No one’s expecting you to clean your apartment for the likes of me.” Javier assured you, keeping a hand at your back as he helped you over to the sofa.

“Just don’t tell Steve… he’ll tell Connie that I’m drinking with my meds and…” You pushed your fingers through your unbrushed hair, “Well, I’m not taking the Percocet.”

Javier nodded his head understandingly, “You taking anything?”

“Ibuprofen.” You shrugged, adjusting the pillow on the coffee table as you lifted your leg and carefully placed it there. “It works well enough.”

“As long as you’re not in pain,” He said, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he sat down in the chair across from you. “So… how is it really?”

You laughed breathily, rubbing your hand over a spot above the bandage. “I’m miserable.” You admitted. “I miss work. I’m constantly tired, no matter how much sleep I get.”

Javier frowned, “When do you think you’ll be back in the office?”

“Probably after New Years.” You shrugged, rubbing at your forehead as you sank back against the sofa. “I’ve got some PT in a couple weeks. I’ll probably have a week or two of desk duty, but I’ll be back eventually.”

Javier scratched at the back of his neck, “Murphy’s great and all, but… The office fucking sucks without you.”

“I’m flattered,” You grinned. “I’m officially more important than Steve, but still not important enough to call.”

“Fuck.” He breathed out, leaning forward and resting his arms on his legs, staring at a spot on the ground. “I know.”

“Three days and only Connie has called.” You informed him, shaking your head. After waking in the hospital with Javier there, you had stupidly convinced yourself that this had been the precipice of something else. That all these stupid feelings you harbored for him would come to a head… but that meant, he had to reciprocate them, and maybe he didn’t.

Javier dragged his fingers through his hair, exhaling heavily. “I haven’t got an excuse, baby. I know I fucked up.”

“Big time.” You retorted, pursing your lips. “You’re also too far away.” You gestured to where he was sitting. “Is my hair that bad?”

He arched a brow.

“I haven’t washed it since I got home,” You admitted with a grimace. “I’m sure there’s an aroma.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“Well, I’m not supposed to get the bandaging wet and I only have a shower.” You shrugged. “I could do the kitchen sink trick, but my balance isn’t the best currently.”

Javier nodded his head, resting his palms against his knees as he stared across the room at you. His expression was unreadable, but it made a heat bloom in your lower belly that you were quick to tamp down.

It was a Friday night and he was with you.

“I could help.”

“Help me shower?” You snorted. “You’ve gotta buy me dinner before you get me naked, Javi. Sorry to break it to you.”

Javier’s eyes widened and he laughed nervously, “Your hair.” You caught the way his tongue darted out over his bottom lip, the way he shifted in his seat. “I could help you with your hair.”

Fuck.

You smiled warmly at him, “I’m gonna take you up on the offer. My hair is driving me crazy.”

He rose to his feet then, shucking off his leather jacket and tossing it into the seat of the chair. “Shampoo in the bathroom?”

You nodded, “The two-in-one.”

“You’re one of those people?” He snorted, giving you a look before he headed down the hallway to your bathroom. “I don’t know if I can be friends with a two-in-one user.” He remarked as he returned with the bottle and a towel draped over his shoulder.

You flipped him off, “I like the smell.”

Javier popped the lid open, sniffing it. “Smells like cherries.”

“Precisely.” You retorted as you peeled yourself up off the sofa, “And it’s cheap.”

He offered you his arm, letting you lean on him as you limped your way into the kitchen.

“Don’t get shot. It’s not pleasant.”

“I’ll try not to,” Javier chuckled humorlessly as he sat the bottle on the counter beside the sink. “It’s not pleasant seeing your partner bleed out either.” He sighed, digging his teeth into his bottom lip as he glanced back at you.

You ran your hand from his forearm, up to his shoulder, “I can’t even imagine.” You whispered, letting your fingers stray higher so you could casually brush them against his cheek. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your quick thinking.”

Javier smiled a little, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

Your lashes fluttered as you let your hand fall away from his face, turning towards the sink. “Try not to drown me.”

“I won’t.”

You reached out and turned the faucet on, holding your hand under the flow as you waited for it to get to the right temperature. “Thank you for this.”

“Whatever you need, baby.” He drawled out as you leaned forward beneath the water, gripping the edge of the sink to brace yourself, taking some of the weight off your leg.

Javier stood beside you, cupping his hand beneath the faucet to splash some water onto the hair at the nape of your neck, fingers playing through your hair, before he squirted some shampoo onto your head.

It felt like heaven. You should’ve prepared yourself for the sensation of Javier’s fingers playing through your hair, the way warmth fanned through every limb, making you ache in a distinct way.

A soft moan escaped you as he massaged his fingers into your scalp. It felt ridiculously good to be touched like that. You managed to stifle the sound — at least you hoped you had.

Javier worked his fingers through your hair, lathering it up before rinsing it clean. You mourned the loss of his touch the moment he shut off the faucet.

You leaned your weight against the edge of the counter as you lifted your head, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around your hair. “Now I won’t be an offence to your senses.” You teased lightly as you turned to look at him.

Javier was painfully close to you — so close you could practically feel his breath on your skin. You exhaled shakily as you kept one hand gripping at the counter.

“Javi—“

“We—“

Your heart felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest. “Am I crazy Javier? I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just…” You closed your eyes for a moment, “Humor me for a moment. Pretend I’m still drugged up, that I won’t remember any of this and just…” You met his intense gaze once more. “Is this all in my head?”

“You’re not crazy.”

You leaned in to him, “I thought I was going to die in your arms and… I was glad it was you.” You admitted, “And then you were there when I woke up and I felt like maybe something had changed.”

“Nothing’s changed.” Javier told you and he reached out to curl his hand around your hip as you shrank at that admission. “I’ve always felt this way about you.”

You inhaled shakily as you looked up at you, “This isn’t just because I almost…” You swallowed your words. Didn’t people feel something profound for the person who was there with them when they almost died?

Javier gave your hip a squeeze as he leaned in closer. His nose brushed against yours, lips so close to yours that you were certain he was going to finally kiss you.

How many times had you pictured kissing him? How many times had you dreamed of moments just like this?

“We shouldn’t.” Javier whispered, pressing his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “Work—“

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Screw work.” You tilted your head, letting your lips gingerly brush against his. It felt like sparks were tingling through your veins.

Javier canted his head to the side, his lips dragging over yours. Your arms slid over his shoulders as you rose up on your toes and sank into the moment.

He pulled you towards him, supporting your weight for you as he kissed you with a quiet desperation that made you wish your fucking leg wasn’t cramping up on you.

“Fuck—“ You tore your mouth away, grabbing at his shoulders for support. “I’ve been upright for too long.”

Javier stole another kiss, before he swept you into his arms, “I’ve got you, baby.”

You pressed your face against his shoulder and laughed as he carried you back into the family room, your wet hair dripping all over his shirt, turning the pink fabric red.

“You’re not going to run now, are you Javier?” You questioned as he helped you get comfortable on the sofa, propping your leg up on a pillow.

Javier hesitated, “Do you want me to stay?”

You gave him a look, “If you know what’s good for you, you should stay.” You patted the sofa beside you. “Please.”

Javier scratched at his jaw, hovering above you for a moment before he sank down onto the sofa beside you. “I don’t know how to do this.” He admitted, rubbing his hands together.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be in the office for the next two and a half months.” You remarked, scraping your teeth over your bottom lip as you studied him. “What do you want?

Javier cleared his throat, his eyes flickering towards you, “You.”

Your heart skipped a beat, “Good.”

“I don’t…” Javier sighed heavily as he reached out and curled his fingers around your hand, rubbing his thumb along the side of your hand. “You know I’m not a relationship type, baby.”

“Did I say anything about a relationship?” You arched a brow. “But I’m not going to keep pretending that I don’t have feelings for you.”

He squeezed your hand. “Yeah?”

You grinned at him, nodding your head. “I don’t need a relationship, but I think we should atleast see what’s here.” You gestured between you.

Javier’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, “I think I can do that.” He rubbed at the side of his neck, shifting on the sofa. “It’s why I didn't call. I didn’t know…” He looked away, pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek. “I clammed up.”

“Well, no more clamming up.” You laughed softly, trying to mask a grimace of pain as you shifted yourself closer to him, turning your leg wrong. You turned towards him, brushing your fingers over his jaw as you nudged him to face you. “No one has to know.”

His eyes searched yours for a long moment before he leaned in and kissed you again. That first kiss hadn’t been a fluke, you felt like every nerve in your body was reacting to the feel of his lips against yours.

You curled your fingers around the back of his neck, practically crawling into his hold — it was awkward and uncomfortable, but worth every second of it.

Javier reluctantly pulled away, breathing heavily as he pressed his forehead against yours. “You’re hurt.”

“I know.” You brushed your thumb over his bottom lip, grinning at him. “But if you only knew how long I’ve waited for this…”

“I bet I could guess.”

“Oh?” You snorted. “Try me.”

He gently dragged his knuckles over your cheek, meeting your gaze, “Records room… after you broke up with Lance.”

Your brows shot upwards, “Then why didn’t you kiss me?”

“We were at work… Steve was right there,” He shrugged a shoulder. “And you were sad and it felt like… I didn’t want to take advantage.”

You rolled your eyes, “You are a good man, Javier.” You told him, stealing one more kiss before you readjusted yourself so you could lay back against him. “I think you’re sitting on the remote.” You told him.

“Sure you don’t want me to leave and give you a call instead?” He teased as he fished the remote out from beneath him, turning the TV on. “What’s been on?”

“The Past Does Not Forgive has been on every night.” You told him, tilting your head to look back at him, “I’ve been dying to hear your thoughts on it.”

“Last time I checked in, I thought Esteban should cut his losses and get the hell out of that situation.” He curled his arm around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder.

You turned your head and kissed his cheek, “He’s a fool blinded by love.”

“Aren’t they all.” Javier murmured, nuzzling your shoulder. “This feels right.”

You rested your hand over his, sliding your fingers in between his. “I don’t know what took us so long…”

A phone started ringing, preventing Javier from responding to you. Jarring you awake.

Awake.

You groaned as you pulled yourself upright, your neck aching from the awkward position you’d been laying on the sofa.

You twisted around and grabbed the phone off the cradle, pressing it to your ear, “Hello?”

“Hey—“

“Javier.”

“Did I wake you?”

You grumbled, “Yeah. It’s fine.”

“You should sleep.”

“I’m awake now.” You snapped, squinting your eyes as you looked across the room and glanced at the clock on the wall. “It’s almost midnight.”

Javier cleared his throat, “Yeah…”

“Asshole.” You huffed. “Did you have fun?”

“No.” He sighed, “Went for a drink and came back home.”

“At midnight.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

You pinched at the bridge of your nose, “Nothing. I’m just jealous that I can’t go out.” In reality, you felt a spike of jealousy go through you that was centered around the idea of anyone else being the one to kiss Javier.

That dream had done a number on you.

“Are you coming over tomorrow?”

“Maybe.”

You rolled your eyes, tucking the phone between your shoulder and ear. “Maybe.” You parroted back. “Can’t give me a definite?”

“I’m gonna try.”

“Alright.” You wished it didn’t come off so harshly, but the undercurrent of annoyance was there. Your stupid dream had left you wanting something you couldn’t have.

There was nothing you wanted more than to be curled up on your sofa with Javier. To spend the next few weeks recuperating with his arms around you. Stealing kisses, savoring moments, and having what you wanted.

You stuffed those emotions back into the box they belonged in.

“Sorry.” You offered gently.

“It’s all good, baby.” Javier murmured. “I’m here for you.”

You smiled to yourself, “I’m here for you too.” And maybe you wouldn’t always be, but at least you were right now.

#javier pena #javier pena x reader #pedro pascal x reader

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land-of-classpects-and-analysis · 4 years

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The Knight Class Analysis

Ah, yes, Knights. A Class beloved by many for countless different reasons, yet one that often brings about the most discussion. It is oddly suiting for the Knight Class to cause such a thing, as Knights have shown to somehow always be the center of whatever show they may find themself in - whether they pushed themself to that center or not. Even when the brightest spotlights shine down upon them, though, there still never seems to be a way to reveal all of the intricacies of this Class. It’s one filled with the most speculation rather than answers, the most debates, discussions, and analyses than many of the other Classes. Perhaps this is why it is a Class so dearly beloved by the people in this Fandom. Of course, there are many other reasons why people do love the Knight Class. Whether it be the protective, devoted, and underlying caring natures of the Knights, the facades they are capable of putting up for countless years in order to hide their insecurities, or they simply love the long and glorious cape of the outfit. There are just as many reasons people adore the Knight Class as there are people who, well, love this Class. For this month, every last possible Knight will find their way upon this stage and within the spotlight to have their stories told and titles analyzed. For today, though, let’s focus on the Class itself.

Knights are those whose powers seem the most obvious, yet also the most complex and mysterious. Some argue that Knights serve their Aspect, while others claim that they exploit it, and so many others. As November came quickly approaching, it became obvious to your Host here that there was a little bit more of a hidden option that, personally speaking, never seemed to hit anyone else’s radar. Knights are those who actively protect exploitation of their Aspect, or they actively protect through exploiting their Aspect. However, that is quite the mouthful and far too long. For the sake of everyone’s time, it will be shortened as such: Knights are those who actively protect their Aspect, or actively protect through their Aspect. While there is no doubt some people who have already thought and written about this, it has not come towards my own attention that this take on the Knight Class exists. Now that the basis of the Knight’s power has been established, it is time to go over the journey for the Knight, as well as how they would go about participating in the protection of or through their Aspect.

The way the Knight’s journey begins is often one wherein destiny will equip them with their Aspect, but not in a way that directly benefits the Knight. If anything, the way in which they are equipped with their Aspect is oftentimes something that brings the Knight many battles, internally or otherwise, most of which they will lose in the beginning. While this may seem as though the Knight’s Aspect is out to bring only pain and suffering to the Knight, that is actually far from the truth. Every battle the Knight faces is meant to bring them closer and become more attuned with their Aspect. Learning the ins and outs of how it works, what it looks like in other people, being able to identify its weak and strong points. Deep down, this is exactly what is happening within the Knight, as their Aspect grows and blooms inside of their hearts through every fight they participate in. The Knight should be one of the quickest players to connect and master their Aspect, and to those on the outside that might just appear to be the case. To those who are not the Knight, they seem like someone who has everything in their life held together perfectly - a flawless, unstoppable force of confidence, ego, and badassery. Little do any of them know is that the Knight doesn’t truly know what they are doing at all, especially in regards to their Aspect.

One of the biggest flaws of the Knight is that they are often so quick to hide themself beneath a facade or even a few, as it truly depends on who they are talking to. Due to their upbringing of having to go through so many different battles, and having lost just as many, one of the biggest fears of the Knight is that they are not strong enough to survive. The pride of a Knight is one of the most paradoxical things about them, as they show themselves to simultaneously have a pride so strong and durable that nothing can scratch it, yet it also can present itself as something so frail and brittle that even a harsh phrase could tear them down. What they are prideful of is being a warrior, being capable of surviving for this long - even when the odds seemed stacked against them. However, it is with this pride that also comes with the fear of losing a battle - of not being worthy of calling themself a warrior. It is with this fear that leads to many of the insecurities that are so often deeply woven into the minds of Knights. Depending on their walk of life, as well as their Aspect, these fears and insecurities can vary greatly from Knight to Knight. Amongst all of them, though, there will always be one thread that runs through all of them. That thread is questioning if they are truly capable, or even worthy, of being able to handle the powers of their Aspect and use them as they properly should be. What all Knights fear the most is that of failure.

What the Knight must do in order to truly make progress in their journey is to learn that what is truly preventing them from fully embracing their Aspect is themself. They most certainly are equipped with their Aspect, but they can only use the bare minimum of its true potential and powers. A Knight’s Aspect will only ever allow itself to fully be used by the Knight once they have proven themself worthy and capable of wielding such a powerful thing. Much like the sword in the stone, if the Knight continues to fail in proving themself pure and capable enough to retrieve the fullest potential of their Aspect, then their journey will come to a stall and the Knight will never reach their fullest potential. The biggest thing the Knight must let go for this state of being and mind to be achieved is that the Knight must fully allow themself to be vulnerable to those in their life. The mask they have worn for years must come off, and the act they have been a part of must finally have the curtains called upon it. It is not the Knight themself trying to fully take hold of their Aspect, after all, but rather the lie that they created so as to shield and hide their true self away from the world. However, this is not an easy task for the Knight to do on their own, as Knights have often shown themselves to be prone towards streaks of stubbornness. If the Knight does not feel as though they are safe and supported enough to open up, then they just might never will. Those who call themselves friends, or perhaps even lovers, to the Knight must also prove themselves worthy to see the Knight at their purest, most true form of self. Because of this, once a Knight truly opens up about who they really are, and reveals to you all of their fears, insecurities, and scars from all their lost battles, it would be unwise to take such a trusting gesture for granted.

As mentioned before, the Knight is someone who will often find themself having somehow been brought to be the center of attention, no matter where they go. Because of this, they are often someone who manages to pick up and carry off quite a few allies and friends along their travels, with those people staying with the Knight for a multitude of reasons. While they may pick up a few bad and rotten apples along the way, it most likely will only appear to be another challenge brought on by their Aspect for the Knight. Even when a relationship does go sour, the Knight will often do what they do best and hide the pain that they may have endured from such an experience. For situations such as this, the Knight will sometimes go as far as to not tell anyone about this as they may fear it would prove to everyone else that the Knight is as held-together as they show themself to be. While some people may be frustrated by the secrets that the Knight seems to love keeping, others may find this mysterious air about them intoxicating, alluring, and/or simply fascinating. No matter what, though, there seems to be no doubt that Knights, no matter how emotionally distant or volatile they may seem to be, attract people who find them charming in one way or another. Out of most of the Classes, Knights prove themselves to be rather charismatic and/or charming in their own special and unique way - another reason why so many people seem to be drawn towards them. Even if the Knight’s facade may say otherwise, Knights are those who prove themselves to be more than willing to devote their mind, body, and heart to those they truly love out of many of the other Classes. Whether they scream/shout at, and belittle their loved ones, or play it off like they’re too cool to show affection in return, there is a part of the Knight that does truly, deeply care for and love those within their life. It all simply depends on the Knight in regards to how they show this love and affection.

It is through this love and devotion to their friends and allies that will help to push the Knight closer to being able to wield their Aspect. However, what the Knight needs is one final push, one final leap for them to finally cross that line in which they may finally take hold of their Aspect like that of a shield or sword. This final push is the Knight coming to terms that, for the longest time, all they needed was to believe in their own worth. Call it a fairy tale ending if you wish, but this is something that has been seen with many Knights. Their fear and insecurities have, for the longest time, plagued and clouded their vision for so long - long enough that they even became blind to the fact that they had been worthy of using and connecting with their Aspect for far too long. Once they manage to bust through such negative things, though, will they finally be able to take hold of their Aspect and do as they see fit with it. Finally, will the Knight rise and step forth to fulfill their duty as a protector.

Knights are those who actively protect their Aspect, or actively protect through it. By protecting their Aspect, it means that they are willing to use themself in order to try and preserve every last instance wherein their Aspect can occur. They protect it from being exploited, destroyed, manipulated, and more. Depending on who is within the Knight’s group, or what is occurring within the world of the Knight, this can prove to be a daunting and even exhausting task for the Knight. The shield is the best way for the Knight to equip their Aspect, if they so wish to protect it. However, depending on the Knight, they may only try to protect a select few instances of their Aspect, rather than trying to protect the entire thing. If these Knights are ones to fall in the ways of being selfish, then they will have no problem with only protecting their own personal instance of Aspect, as the rest of it falls away or becomes twisted and mangled beyond recognition. For the selfless Knights, though, they would do the opposite - allowing all other instances of their Aspect to be protected, while allowing for their own to be exploited and taken advantage of. Then there are the Knights who protect through their Aspect, wielding it far more like that of a sword so as to slice down any foes who threaten the Knight and perhaps their friends and allies, as well. Along with the sword, they’d be able to use their Aspect’s powers to their fullest ability if it meant protecting those they cared for and loved. Whether it be warping the fabric of reality to create that of a blackhole, cloaking themself or their team in shadows, or creating a wall of plants so thorny and thick that nothing could even bring a scratch upon it. Once again, this can lead to some Knights who are picky in terms of who deserves protection and who deserves to fight for themself. For some Knights, this can boil down to only protecting themself, or being willing to become a sacrifice for the betterment of the team. Then there are the Knights who may prove themselves capable of not wielding one over the other, but rather both the shield and sword at once or interchangeably. However, that is a discussion for another day.

Ultimately, the Knight is one where their job is to help protect their teammates, friends, lovers, and more, especially once they have proven themself worthy of wielding their Aspect. By taking on this position of responsibility, it will have meant that they are someone who welcomes the idea of failure instead of hiding away from it. They may have started their journey as someone they were not, afraid of being seen as weak and incapable of survival by their peers, but as long as they stuck to the path forged by themself and their Aspect, then they should have long since burst forth from their cocoons as the truly beautiful butterflies they are meant to be. While there are certainly moments down the line where the Knight may fall back into their old habits of facades and hiding, if they learned to keep the better company around them, then such people should be more than capable of giving reassurance and kindness to the Knight. Sometimes, all they need is a gentle reminder that they are worthy to have gotten as far as they have, and they are capable of surviving many more days ahead of them. The Knight is someone who puts great faith in the relationships they have, as well as putting a large part of themself within them. As such, it would be unwise as to harm and mess around with those who the Knight holds dear. While Knights may show themselves to be able to keep their cool most of the time, even the most level-headed of them have been shown to occasionally go off the rails. As much as Knights are protectors, they are just as willing to be true, unyielding, brutal warriors.

#Knight #Knight Class #Homestuck #Hiveswap #Knight Analysis #Noble November

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petalshields · 3 years

Photo

[ MINA EL HAMMANI, SHE/HER, DEMIGIRL ] — [ KAIA DEMIR-ZERHOUNI ] is a child of [ DEMETER ] with the power of [ FLORAL HEALING & PLANT COMMUNICATION ] . they were born in [ 1996 ] and have been in nemean lion since [ 2019 ] . with the change, they [ ARE TRAINING IN ] the [ MEDICAL ] role which makes sense since they’re usually [ NOT TALKING AND TENDING TO HER GARDEN IN HER ROOM ] . if you’d like to meet them try the [ SUN ] building . @nlupdates

hello friends! its ya girl garnet and this is my newest baby. like this and i will not only find u...i will plot WITH u (threat).

Kaia’s pinterest is here!

BIOGRAPHY!

( near drowning tw, death tw )

Mystery shrouds the exact circumstances of Kaia’s birth, but there was no denying that her father was Ilyass Zerhouni. His tryst with Demeter lasted through the winter: a season of mourning for the goddess of harvest. Their romance extinguished in March, timed with the thaw into spring, and Demeter left Ilyass without a trace of her presence in his life. Ilyass did some mourning of his own before, as he always had, continuing his life.

However, Ilyass saw Demeter one final time when she revealed she gave birth to his child. The child was born in November, and she urged him to protect her from supernatural forces, even gods themselves. Demeter knew the pain that came with losing a child.

Ilyass named the baby girl Kaia: Norwegian variant of Kaja, the diminutive form of Greek Katherine. Tracing this history, the name Kaia is intertwined with two meanings: ‘pure’ and ‘tortured.’

Born in sweltering Los Angeles, Kaia wasn’t shielded from her godly heritage. Ilyass called her his ‘miracle baby’ but he didn’t anticipate the degree. There were no parenting books on what to do when his child fell off her bike but flowers sticking out of her gashed knees. This led the man to be overly protective of her, to ensure that she did not draw attention to herself by harming herself or provoking others to harm her. He attempted to round all the sharp corners of Kaia’s life for her own protection, but for the most part, Kaia grew up happy.

Her affinity for plants stemmed from her ability to communicate with them. Their voices weren’t something she could ignore. Trees sang eerie songs as they swayed in the breeze, branches scratching against heaven, and a chorus of grass blades gossiped whenever they were stepped on ( blows kiss to the sky: for rowan ). It made it difficult for her to sleep sometimes, their voices were so constant, but Kaia learned how to tune out the plants and filter their thoughts from her own.

NEAR DROWNING TW: At age seven, Kaia contacted meningitis after being left unattended in the pool by a babysitter. Thankfully, she recovered quickly, but she suffered from moderate hearing loss. This incident only deepened Ilyass’s protectiveness. His later wife, Yaren Demir, was raising a demigod child of her own and shared the desire to shield their daughters. As a blended family, Yaren and Kaia’s new step-sister Sila acclimated to Kaia by learning American Sign Language. Though hearing aids lessen the severity of hearing loss, Kaia prefers ASL to verbal communication. ( note: she has difficulty holding a conversation one-on-one without them, and being in a crowd with them causes her a lot of anxiety. )

Adolescence was, for lack of a better word, an adjustment. Kaia prided herself on being mysterious, well-behaved, and reserved, but she began to push against the concrete boundaries set by her parents. Specifically, her competitive nature drew her to sports, which her parents staunchly disapproved of. The more Kaia wanted to expand, the more that her parents increased their restrictions. She took matters into her own hands when she was seventeen. Enticed by promises made by her then-boyfriend, Kaia ran away with him.

What could go wrong? Kaia’s not naïve; she knew that being bested by your emotions was never the correct move, but he was her first love and that love was the poison she’d inject into herself, over and over. There were red flags that the relationship wasn’t the healthiest, but, like any romantic, she ignored them all. Until it almost killed her 🤪

DEATH TW/CAR ACCIDENT TW: Almost is the key word. If she were mortal, she would have died. The boyfriend was drinking and driving, and he swerved off the road while Kaia tried to coax him into letting her drive. She doesn’t remember much of what followed. Blinding white, the sound of her voice shrill as she screamed for him to help her. The slam of the car door as he crawled out from the wreckage, a black figure bleeding into the night. The tree whispering, life, life, life, as flowers broke out of the gashes, blooming along the split skin. After fading in and out of consciousness, Kaia healed enough to gain strength to crawl out of the vehicle’s skeleton and stumbled through the surrounding woods.

Too ashamed to return home, Kaia found solace in an abandoned greenhouse. As a token from her mother, goddess of harvest after all, Kaia was fed throughout her time “missing,” surrounded by plentiful edible plants that yearned for her to eat them. She grew used to her own solitude, the simplicity of her life in the woods, but her own call out to reconnect with her sister caused her to punch her number into her phone. Soon enough, Sila found Kaia and convinced her to accompany her to a strange place she’s only heard about in passing: NEMEAN LION.

Kaia’s been on campus for two years, and the constant chatter and people and all else that comes with their godly heritage are thoroughly tolerated; she is still the prideful girl she once was, but her trauma caused her to have heightened suspicions of those around her, and she’s now more difficult to get close to. Beneath her new armor, there’s still a soft core, most evident when she’s volunteering at the infirmary or trailing behind her sister or smiling at a plant ( weird vibes but ok ).

WANTED CONNECTIONS!

FRIENDS/A BEST FRIEND: PLEASE SOMEONE GET THIS BITCH SOME MILK!! Or rather the ability to build an attachment to someone that’s not her sister.

ENEMIES: Kaia may not express it all the time, but she does hold grudges and she’s very spiteful. I think this would be interesting because this is a bit of a shadow-self that she never got to explore in her youth, but she’s more willing to lean into it now because, in her mind, everyone sucks and should not be trusted. We can develop in the DMs!

PEOPLE WHO HELPED HER WHILE SHE LIVED IN THE GREENHOUSE: in my mind? while she was "missing” there was a little gaggle of people who brought her essentials in exchange for her helping them out somehow. Maybe she was their healer, or maybe she posed as a distraction for them to do some shady shit. either way, this relationship was mutually beneficial!

OPPOSITES ATTRACT: throw her your sunshine-y muses but she can be a little finicky so this may be a bit hit or miss SKJSKFJ. However I think that it’d be cool to have a muse who doesn’t flinch from her intensity sometimes, or bounces off of it. idk fam i just think it’d be Neat.

INJURED/HEALER: Someone who she always treats at the infirmary? I imagine that she’s gotten a hold of her powers enough that she’s able to heal others on command. She will always cluck her tongue and shake her head and, if they’re close enough, try to talk to this person. This takes a lot of ironing out because it really depends on where their relationship stands but we can make this work

DEMETER SIBLINGS: Kaia feels very much indebted to her mother for keeping her alive while she was in the greenhouse, so! She has a soft spot for all the Demeter siblings because she views them as being all a part of her, in some way, so throw her more family!

COMBAT BUDDIES: ( kaia 2 me: buddies is a strong wor- ) no but her having people to train with. Kaia isn’t about killing people ( unless you’re her ex boyfriend ahahaha that’s to unpack later ) but ! she is about learning to protect herself and wanting to do so with the utmost competency. Therefore she throws herself into combat training, and it’s a way for her to work out a lot of the pent up aggression that she has from not processing a lot of the things that have happened to her.

HOOKUPS: absolutely no strings. With the exception of Taylor, Kaia isn’t the relationship type I’m afraid and isn’t emotionally available, but she still has needs!

OTHER TREE HUGGERS: pretty explanatory, stole this from rowan. A friend of trees is a friend to Kaia.

ANYTHING! LET’S MF GO I’m really down for also filling yr plot needs!

#me cackling at this lenght lKJSLFJSLFKJ #nlintro #near drowning tw #death tw #car accident tw

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hermannsthumb · 4 years

Note

first frost and cosy night in? :3

30. First Frost + 33. Cozy Night In

from autumn fic prompts here

here’s a quick lil penpal era fic before class!

--------------------

Newt’s used to hard winters at this point, and winters that come early, and winters that send him searching desperately for the most high-grade space heater available on the market (his heating is always busted, always), but he thinks the universe is feeling a certain kind of sadistic today, because the instant he steps out onto the tiny patch of grass that’s technically his front lawn, it’s to feel a loud crunch. Not the charming crunch of dead leaves either, which is what’s to be expected for pleasant autumn’s been; it’s the unmistakable crunch of frost. Early frost. The first frost. Newt looks down at his docs with a sigh. “Not fair,” he groans. He lifts one up, then back down on the white-tinged grass. Crunch.

The wind is on the uncomfortable side of chilly, too, more than Newt’s trusty sweatshirt is willing to endure, and he shivers as a gust of it kicks up a pile of leaves and sends them tumbling past him. It’s the kind of wind he associates with the cold, dark days of late November—way too premature for October. He’s so not looking forward to walking the whole twenty minutes to campus in this. He’ll need a scarf, at the very least. And maybe a stop for coffee. Definitely a stop for coffee.

He shoots off a quick email to his class as—scarf his uncle knitted him wrapped freshly around his neck—he makes a jog for the nearest Dunkin: Running late! Feel free to use time to discuss questions about the midterm w/ each other, will answer when I get there -Dr. G. Then he picks them up a dozen donuts to make up for it, too, because he’s just that a great of a professor.

The donuts are a hit, and the resulting combination group sugar rush and sentiments of good will makes for one of their most spirited class discussions of the semester. Newt fields questions left and right, develops a cramp in his hand from needing to scrawl so fast across the whiteboard, and dishes out no less than twenty total points of extra credit. He gets so into it, in fact, he forgets about how much he’s dreading to walk the twenty minutes back home in the cold, cold wind. Almost, anyway. He lets class drag on just a little over the ending time, and is relieved when a handful of students stay behind to ask just a few more questions about midterm submission guidelines. He lets that drag on, too, and it’s not until the eleven AM environmental science class that uses the room after him begin peeping their heads around the doorframe and clearing their throats that he’s forced out.

Out into the cold.

He goes straight for his living room couch after a brisk walk back to his place, diving beneath his pile of throw blankets and pillows and cranking the little knob on his space heater up to ten. It’s really not that cold compared to what’s to come in January, but it’s still too fucking early for it, damn it. Unseasonable! Newt deserves to enjoy a little mild autumn weather before the winter.

“It’s just unseasonable,” he gripes to his cat, who’s curled itself up lazily in front of the space heater in a blink of an eye. It doesn’t even look at Newt. It’s not fair, really, that it got to stay home all day and Newt didn’t. Or that it’s soaking up all the heat before any of it can reach Newt. “You don’t know how good you’ve got it,” he tells it.

His phone buzzes.

His spirits do an immediate one-eighty: it’s an email from Hermann. Suddenly, staying in for the rest of the evening doesn’t seem so bad. Desirable, even.

So (Newt rushes to grab his laptop) he has a little bit of a crush on his mysterious penpal. So (he quickly lights a few candles he has spread out across the living room) maybe it’s actually more like he’s a little bit in love with his mysterious penpal So (he dims the lights) emails from Hermann are the highlight of his day. Or (he fixes himself a little mug of tea) maybe more like year. It’s normal. It’s normal to have friends, and crushes, and penpals, and penpals who are your only friend and maybe also your crush. It’s all totally normal!

He explains all this to his cat, who is very uninterested, but who hops up onto Newt’s legs the instant Newt curls back underneath his throw blanket, which Newt takes as a sign of affection if nothing else. He holds his breath as he opens Hermann’s email, ignoring the stupid butterflies in his stomach. It’s normal.

Dear Newton-

I apologize for my rather belated, and rather short, response; Father has me working day and night on updating the coding for our newest jaegers, and this is the first moment I’ve managed to steal for myself in well over a week. I appreciate your design inputs, though I must--once again--remind you that built-in Bluetooth speakers are impractical, useless, and unnecessarily costly, and that between us two, only one of us has pioneered the jaeger tech field. In more personal matters...

Newt pets his cat as he reads on, a little smile blooming over his face. Hermann bought a sweater; Hermann switched tea brands out of rationing necessity, and found he likes the new one better; Hermann’s article was accepted into the next edition of a Jaeger Science journal he's obsessed with, and he wants Newt to glance over it one last time for any final edits. (That’s attached to the email, as is a very poorly-lit and very blurry mirror selfie of Hermann looking grumpy in his new sweater. Adorable.)

As always, Newton, I appreciate your correspondence.

Sincerely, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb.

It’s how he always finishes. It’s also kind of adorable, to be honest--three years of writing to each other, and he still signs off like they’re total strangers, and like they don’t send each other birthday cards and Hanukkah presents every damn year. “Adorable,” Newt says, and shakes his head. He scratches his cat behind the ears, and it purrs happily.

Hermann (he writes back)-

I notice you didn’t say anything about the totally cool and totally practical laser-beam eyes idea I had too. Does that mean you’re using it? Don’t forget to credit me.

I’m sorry you’re overworked. I don’t think I know anyone who needs a break or a little bit of fun more than you. I wish I could...

What Newt wishes is that Hermann was relaxing here with him: he wishes Hermann was curled up under his throw blanket, with Newt’s cat purring on both of them, and Hermann’s arm around Newt, and that he had a mug of tea, too, and Newt could read over his article out loud while they huddled over his laptop, and Hermann would be so impressed with how smart his edits were that he’d say something like well done, Newton! and then he’d... Well. Newt backspaces over the paragraph. Too much.

I wish I could help, he says. Lame, but whatever.

He writes (about the cold, about his classes, about the kaiju sample he’s finally managed to get the funding to afford) until the sun sets outside his window, and one of his candles finally burns down to the wick and flares out with a sputter of smoke. Newt’s cat begins to knead at his chest in the way that means I’m hungry, feed me dinner. “Alright, alright,” Newt tells it, because he’s feeling pretty hungry himself. He glances over the email one last time to make sure he doesn't sound pathetically lovesick before signing off with a -Newt and sending it.

He feeds his cat and fixes himself a little bowl of soup to eat on the couch. It’s turned into a pretty nice night, actually. Cozy. Comfortable. He can’t stop smiling. Maybe he’s a little bit in love with Hermann, so sue him.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #Anonymous

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traincat · 4 years

Text

Fic Author Tag Game

AO3 Name: Traincat

Fandoms: Currently it’s fairly exclusively Fantastic Four and Spider-Man comics, particularly the 616-verse, with some works for related fandoms.

Number of fics: 102 posted on Ao3.

Tagging @bipeteparker @moonwolfhowl @mishatheberry

1) Fic you spent the most time on: The Boy From New York City, my The Amazing Spider-Man/Fant4stic Spideytorch movieverse fic, definitely. I started it in 2015 and posted it in late 2018. A lot of that wasn’t active writing time -- I wrote about 50k of its 80k wordcount in 2018. But it was a fic that I spent a lot of time on and a lot of energy devoted to, trying to figure out what the best way to tell the story was, playing with different point of views, what the actual plot was going to be, what I wanted it to say, and that’s not counting the amount of times I watched TASM/2 and Fant4stic to try and nail down everything just how I wanted it. Andrew Garfield’s Peter Parker speech patterns are SUPER specific and I wanted to get them DOWN. I also wanted things to play out in a very cinematic way, like a third installment of The Amazing Spider-Man movies. So a lot of time went into that fic.

2) Fic you spent the least time on: To Have and to Hold, an Into the Spider-Verse fic about May Parker and Olivia Octavius getting married, much to Peter’s distress. I think I wrote it in like a day.

3) Longest fic: The Boy From New York City, at 84,500 words.

4) Shortest fic: wrap yourself around me, a really short Spideytorch clothes sharing fic. It’s under 500 words.

5) Most hits: The Masked Man (Who Has Everything), an X-Men: First Class Erik/Charles fic I wrote back in 2011 to answer a very important question on the old LJ kink meme: what if Magneto was Batman? It has like, almost 75,000 hits, so. That was an easy one lol.

6) Most kudos: It’s also The Masked Man (Who Has Everything), so my second most kudosed fic is Keep Throwing Things and Slamming the Door, one of my first Spideytorch fics.

7) Most comment threads: To Have and to Hold again! Which is kind of nice since it’s relatively new. It did get some pretty big recs though so I’m not all that surprised.

8) Fave fic you wrote: Oh that’s a tough one. I have a couple of favorites -- I really like the fics in my Tales From the Back Pages series, which is a Spideytorch soulmates AU that plays with the very early days of canon and reimagines it within a world where soulmates are a known phenomenon and Peter and Johnny are each other’s. It’s fun to take canon events that are really familiar and go, what do they look like in this world where everything is the same but also there’s this one really big difference? The Boy From New York City again because I worked on it for so long and at the end I pushed myself really hard to make it exactly what I wanted it to be and I’m really proud of the end result. It’s also one of those fics where I feel like writing it made me a better writer ultimately because I was pushing myself so hard to be like, worthy of what it was in my head. Work Song, which is a Spideytorch canon rewrite of the aftermath of Superior Spider-Man. Another one where I feel like I learned a lot by writing it and where I’m really proud of the end result, even if I did have to read all of Superior Spider-Man to write it. Cat's Cradle, a Spider-Man PS4 Peter/Felicia fic about their maybe-baby from the DLC, because I really loved writing that fic. Night Blooms, a Victor Von Doom/Reed Richards fic based around Reed’s connection to the alternate universe Victor from Marvel Two-In-One (2017) #11, because canon gave me so much to work with there and because it was a Yuletide fic for @portwinestains where I knew I could give her exactly what she wanted and I just went for it. Writing that one was a blast and I got to dig into such a rich canon relationship. It was fantastic, even if while I had to like, try and subtly find out how much infidelity Aysha was cool with without letting her know what I was doing.

And then there’s Hands On where I like, REALLY wanted to be the first person to write Spideytorch smut featuring six arm Spider-Man. And I was. And weirdly that genre of fic hasn’t taken off? Look, you just need to keep very detailed notes for yourself about where all eight hands involved are.

9) Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: There are a couple! They’re expansions, not rewrites. I don’t think I have anything finished that I feel I would want to rewrite from scratch. I have a third installment of my fairy tale series, The Spider Prince and the Morning Star, where the idea is like very fresh in my head right now so I’ve been playing with that a lot. The first two fics in the series are Spideytorch, but this one is a MYSTERY pairing. (It’s not that big of a mystery. It’s pretty easy to guess what it’s going to be based on the end of the second fic.) And there’s a lot of stuff from The Boy From New York City where it was like, I had ideas about where I COULD go with things, if I wanted to. The Boy From New York City is very much Peter’s story, very much The Amazing Spider-Man 3, so I think there is a lot of space to go forward that would be more focused on Johnny. But on the other hand I do think a lot about a fic that takes The Amazing Spider-Man 2′s deleted alternate ending and asks the question, what if instead of meeting his father in the graveyard, Peter met the sixteen-year-old sister he never knew he had? And I don’t know how many people want TASM fic about what Teresa Parker would be like in that universe but you know. I kind of do.

10) Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: PeterFlash 2020! I’m working on it. It got long and I wanted to play with canon, what else is new.

“You were always stuck up,” Flash grunted, lying down on a flat stretch of rock. It was freezing cold, leaching the heat through Flash’s jacket and jeans, but it felt good at the same time. “And you made Liz cry.”

“I didn’t make Liz Allan cry,” Peter snorted, rolling his eyes.

“You did, though,” Flash said, closing his eyes. He probably shouldn’t have said that, he knew. Liz wouldn’t have liked it. But Peter had made her sob until the cuffs of her pink sweater had been wet with her tears and Flash had just had to stand there and take it, unable to make it better as badly as he had wanted to, all because stupid Peter Parker was too thick to see that Liz was the best thing in their entire school. “She really liked you and you just ignored her.”

“I was busy,” Peter said. Flash cracked open an eye; Peter was standing over him, staring down at him with a quizzical expression on his face, like Flash was one of his fancy complicated math problems, only Peter had never had a hard time solving those.

Warmth spread from Flash’s stomach right down to his toes with the idea that he was the kind of problem even Peter Parker might have trouble solving.

“We were all busy,” Flash said, shrugging. “We all had stuff. Doesn’t mean you had to ignore everybody else.”

“I wanted to be liked,” Peter admitted, sitting down crosslegged next to Flash. He had a funny kind of look on his face, his brows knit together fiercely. He was going to have a wrinkle there in a couple of years, probably. Butterflies lit up in Flash’s stomach, trying to imagine it.

“You had a funny way of showing it,” Flash said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Peter grumbled, stretching out next to him. He put his arms behind his head, looking for all the world like he was sunning himself even though it was November and practically freezing already. “What are you gonna do now?”

“I don’t know,” Flash admitted, trying not to stare down at him. It wasn’t like Peter would ever know, though – his eyes were closed. “Get a job, I guess.”

“Flash Thompson, working man,” Peter whistled.

“Don’t strain something not being a jackass, Parker, you’ve gone a whole five minutes,” Flash said, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like I’ve got a choice. Can’t stay in school without that scholarship and it’s not like I can go home.”

Peter cracked one eye open. Something about his eyes had always made Flash’s stomach go funny; they were the warmest brown he’d ever seen, flecked with gold, and they shone on those rare occasions when Peter laughed. But usually they looked how they looked now: filled with suspicion, and just a touch of scorn.

“You can’t go home?” he asked.

#myfic #*replies #long post/

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athingthatwantsvirginia · 4 years

Text

A Regular Keats and A Regular Mozart

PART TWO OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: plentiful pop culture references, teasing fluff, a slow burn at its core

Word Count: 3K

Summary: Jess and Ella bask in boredom and argue over various authors.

Evening light waned in the Connecticut sky. Ella watched the stars appear slowly, in her usual corner table near the windowed wall at Luke’s. She’d tried to get through her calculus homework three times, but eventually her brain would start frying and she would have to take a break. Lane would have been with her, but she was grounded yet again. So, Ella was flying solo. It didn’t bother her. Most days she wasn’t on shift, she ended up at the small corner table anyway, pouring over her textbooks with occasional interludes for tea and a burger around dinnertime. Luke had long since cleared away her dishes and left her by her lonesome.

After a few unproductive minutes, watching the townspeople walk by, she glanced at her watch and found it was nearly half past eight. The twinkling string lights illuminated the main streets and the town’s gazebo. It was beautiful. No matter how many times she sat and watched the cozy yellowish glow envelope Stars Hollow night, she never got tired of it. She had a decent view of the sky from her bedroom window at home, but Luke’s view of town was far better. It was one of the many reasons she preferred to spend her nights away from the little blue house near the edge of town.

She had just gone back to the nearly illegible problem below her when Jess’s knuckles rapped on her table. A nervous blush crept up on her freckled cheeks though she hadn’t visibly startled. Her heart had still skipped a beat at the noise. He sat down across from her without being invited, a smirk on his face and an apron around his hips.

“What are you doing here? You’re not on shift today,” he asked. The sarcastic twinkle had never left his eyes the entirety of the time they had been working together thus far.

“I like to study here on my days off,” she told him, her pencil still in her head. She debated ignoring him and going back to her notes, but decided to humor him for at least a few minutes. Apparently, it was the first time he hadn’t been out raising hell on an evening shift she wasn’t working. It had been a part of her routine for so long, she found it odd anyone would be surprised to find her there on a free weeknight. “What are you doing sitting down here when you’re supposed to be working?”

Jess chuckled a little. “Thursday nights apparently aren’t too big around here. Luke’s already closing it up. I just clocked out.” He paused to untie his apron and throw it over his shoulder, as if to prove his point. “I knew this town was boring, but damn. Do you really not hang out anywhere else on your days off besides the place you already work?” he asked.

Ella shrugged, looking down at her work again. Just the sight of it made her insides squirm in frustration. “There’s places to go.”

“Well, could you let me in on them?”

Pursing her lips, she narrowed her eyes at him. “Hm?”

“Show me around. Apparently you know of some interesting spots, and I haven’t found any yet.”

She scoffed. “You’ve been here almost a month and no place in Stars Hollow has piqued your interest at all?”

“No,” he told her nonchalantly. Though he didn’t continue, she only stared at him suspiciously. Sighing through his nose, he produced a deck of cards from the pocket of his jeans. He fanned them out in front of her, the deck with wrinkles and scuffed spots on the royal blue designs. “Pick a card.”

Instead of going along with his trick, she rolled her eyes dramatically and shut the textbook in front of her. “Why don’t I just cut this magic show short and give you the world’s fastest tour?”

“Oooo, so impatient.” Jess pretended to be offended. “Homework makes you cruel.”

. . .

Arms crossed over her chest, Ella strolled down the dimly lit Stars Hollow sidewalk with her boots tapping pleasantly on the slightly damp cement, Jess alongside her. A November breeze blew past them, cooling her flushed cheeks. For the life of her, she could not figure out why he had asked her to show him around, she hated to admit to herself how antsy she was feeling. She would have regretted it more than she already did if she didn’t trust Luke so much. There was no fear in her heart, only anxiety and confusion. She could smell the autumn in the air. The wind swirled around them, forming a tiny tornado of dead leaves in the center of the street. A frosty bite, a crispness, had arrived about a week before. The snow would follow soon enough.

“That’s the bookstore,” she said, nodding over to Stars Hollow Books on the left as they neared it. “I’m gonna assume you’ve been there.”

Jess smiled proudly. “She’s a regular Sherlock Holmes.”

A little smirk crossed her face, brightening up her hazel eyes. In the light of the streetlamps, Jess could see the golden specks swirled in the pools of her greenish irises. The red glints in her loose blonde braid shone, too. A faded green messenger bag weighed down her right shoulder and an old peacoat was draped around her small frame. She wasn’t the shortest girl, but she was still nearly a head below him. After a moment, he broke his concentration from her form as she pointed out a large, barn-like building on the right.

“That’s Miss Patty’s. I’m sure you’ve done your best to disorder the peace in there, too. Steal a bunch of tutus of something,” she said, though her tone wasn’t angry, just knowing, verging on a joke.

“I have not,” he assured her dramatically. “I am a stranger to that realm.”

She put her hands up in surrender. “Well, if you decide on the studio as your next target, you leave the piano alone, alright?”

“What’s so special about the piano?” he asked, his hands stuffed deeply into his pockets as the wind whistled once again.

“Nothing in particular. I play it for rehearsals sometimes when Mrs. Rothschild, the regular pianist, is out. The first two weeks you were here, she had a knee replacement and there was a recital, so I had to sub in. I had no time left to work at all. But Miss Patty gave me volunteer hours for school, so it was okay,” she explained. The rogue strands of hair blew away from her face, and Jess could see the frosted roses blooming on her freckled cheeks. Autumn had come with a particularly harsh chill.

“Huh,” he said, looking at her quizzically.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Just spit it out, Mariano,” she pressed, her voice light.

“I just didn’t see you as a piano player,” he told her.

“Well, what’d you see me as? If you say tambourine, we’re never speaking again,” she warned, giggling slightly as she spoke.

Jess chuckled breathily in response. “I don’t know. Guitar, maybe.”

She hummed thoughtfully, nodding as though the assessment meant anything specific. “I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“You should.”

“Well, I’m glad.”

There was a beat of comfortable silence between them, and she let her eyes longer on his shoes. His jeans were frayed at the ends, just a bit too long for him. It made her feel like smiling, though she didn’t quite know why.

“What’s New York like?” she asked out of the blue, passing by a few strangers as they walked. Soon, they would turn right, away from the edge of town and into the outskirts. Jess didn’t know it yet, but he was walking her home. She had a date with her dishwasher set for half past nine.

He tilted a sideways look at her. “You’ve never been?”

She shook her head. “I’ve never really been anywhere.”

The sentence struck a chord within him, deep in his gut. She didn’t look sad, and she didn’t sound it either, but something about the phrase she had uttered felt so devastated. Maybe even hopeless, but he didn’t let it shake his exterior. “Well, it’s loud. It’s flashy. You can buy sex for five dollars on every single street corner.”

Ella snorted a laugh. “Oh, then I’ll definitely have to make it there sometime.”

He smiled; her joviality was growing since she’d gotten her nose out of the calculus textbook. Clearing his throat, he took another shot, his tone more serious. “No, but, it’s really...it’s very alive. There’s always movement.”

“So, it’s the opposite of here?” she asked.

“Pretty much,” he agreed.

“You like it better there, I take it?”

“The understatement of the century.”

“Sorry to hear that,” she said. In the back of her mind, she remembered she was supposed to be giving him a tour, but he didn’t seem to care that the conversation had veered from its original purpose.

Jess shrugged, cavalier. “It’s what it is.”

“How poetic of you,” she mocked. “You’re a regular Keats.”

He groaned, shaking his head. “Don’t tell me you like Keats.”

“You’re on dangerous ground,” she told him gravely. They had turned down a gravel road, lined with quaint houses, which seemed to decrease in quality the farther down one walked.

“I just wish he would make his points a little faster. Time is money, and poets almost never take that universal law into consideration,” he argued, a crooked smirk ever-present.

Sighing in disappointment, Ella began to speak with her hands. “It’s about taking the moment, taking the artwork, for the simple beauty of it. Just letting it wash over you, letting the words radiate out. Haven’t you ever read Portrait of the Artist?”

“I tried. Modernism is just poetry masquerading as fiction.”

Ella gasped dramatically, bringing her hands to her heart as though she were wounded. He could see her feigned grief in the light of the many street lamps which buzzed beside them. Apparently even far-off residential areas were alight in Stars Hollow. “Blasphemy!”

For perhaps the first time since they’d met, Jess laughed. A true, genuine laugh, free from his usual sardonic layering. It made a grin appear on Ella’s face, and she almost felt sorry when they reached the decrepit mailbox which read Stevens in faded black paint.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to take a raincheck on this tour,” she said, opening the box and checking for mail. There were a couple bills, and advertisements from various colleges she knew she wouldn’t be able to afford.

Jess sighed in defeat. “I have to say, you did a subpar job. You didn’t even point out the sock hop where the young men and women fraternize on Friday nights!”

She nodded, accepting his criticism. “Well, next time I’ll show you where to buy a malt for the girl you’re courting.”

“As you should,” he concluded.

Dropping the act, she furrowed her brows. “Can you make it back? Or have I led you too far down the road less traveled by?”

“I think I can manage,” he said.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“It appears that way.”

“I’ll have a Keats for you. Maybe a Dickinson, too,” she said, visions of her crowded bookshelf filling her head. “Though, you might not be ready for her yet.”

“Alright, but in exchange you’ll be receiving a Hemingway,” he warned, preparing to turn on his heel and begin the walk back to Luke’s.

“Hardly an even trade, but I’ll accept the terms.”

. . .

Jess sat behind the counter with a Kerouac held open in his right hand, the business rushing around him. The clock ticked rhythmically above the door, and when he looked up he saw it was a quarter to five already. He thought it odd Ella hadn’t arrived yet, but he shrugged it off. Why should he care where she was? Coffee steamed from the pot behind him, and the evening chatter was beginning to rise in volume. Over the past few weeks of living in the diner, he had learned not to make eye contact with any customer whatsoever, and he could usually get through a chapter or two in peace. About ten pages later, the door opened and Ella’s footfalls snapped heavily around, as she hung her coat and bag, then grabbed her apron from the back. He smirked as he watched her bustling around. She always seemed to be in a hurry, with her hair falling from whatever updo she pulled it back into before work. There were holes and runs in her stockings, but it matched the vibe of her plaid dress and combat boots well enough.

Clearing her throat, she took a moment to catch her breath when she reemerged and surveyed the busy diner. She grabbed her pad of paper from the pocket of her white apron, but found she could see no one in need of her assistance at the current moment.

“Something wrong, honey?” Jess piped up, teasing, though he didn’t take his eyes from the words before him.

She raised an eyebrow at him and scoffed. “Don’t call me that. And yes, I’m a very busy woman.”

“Well, color me impressed,” he drawled flatly. Then, after a moment, he put down his reading. He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a thin, weathered book and held it out to her wordlessly.

A tired smile crossed her lips, taking her book back and running her thumbs over the familiar cover art. “Ah, my favorite. The formidable Miss Dickinson.”

“That she is,” he agreed, nodding as he cast his Kerouac off to the cabinet beside him. It had only taken him about two days to get through it, though he’d kept forgetting to return it to her. A wide grin blossomed on her face.

“You liked her?” she asked expectantly.

Nodding, Jess began refilling two or three of the customers’ coffee cups on the counter in front of them. “She certainly gets the message across much quicker than some others.”

“Well, at least you have some taste,” she said. “I’ve still got about fifty pages of the Hemingway. Not entirely unreadable, but I can definitely tell he was drunk for eighty percent of his life.”

“But that’s the beauty of it!” Jess urged.

“Man, and you were just starting to acquire an air of refinement. We’ll continue this again when you finish Keats and agree that I’m right,” she quipped, turning her view back to the customers.

“Well, get ready for the disappointment of a lifetime.” Jess could see her getting lost in her own, frazzled head and let his eyes longer on her, biting his lip and hiding a smirk.

Tucking her hair behind her ear, Ella found a blue pen. On the other side, she found a pencil. Eventually, she discovered three more in her messy bun and shoved them in the pocket of her apron. She groaned softly at herself, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Jess chuckled. “What could possibly be giving you a headache on this lovely Friday afternoon in the utopia that is Stars Hollow, Connecticut?”

“Nothing,” she told him evasively, hands on her hips. Luke was chatting up the early birds. No one had come through the front door since she’d arrived, but she kept a trained eye in that direction. Either Babette or Miss Patty would show up soon enough. Likely Miss Patty, to grab some food before the seven o’clock meditation class, which mostly involved the students lying on the floor asleep.

“Oh, so nothing’s what made you forget about your five new pencil accessories?” he asked.

Rolling her eyes at his insistence, she finally turned back to him. “I had to go to New Britain to visit my aunt. She’s getting married and she’s making me play piano for it, for some ungodly reason.”

“Are you any good?”

She scoffed. “Oh, yeah, I’m a regular Mozart. No, I’m terrible.”

“Now, I’m sure that’s an exaggeration.”

“Trust me,” she told him. “When my mom taught me, I think she thought with enough time and energy I’d at least get halfway to her level. But, sadly, no dice.”

Jess was about to continue the conversation, the gears turning in his head for the next giggle-worthy quip, when Luke finally returned from arguing (shouting) with Taylor about Christmas decorations. It was still a whole week until December. And no one in the town save for Taylor was holding out any hope Luke would decorate at all the entire holiday season.

“Hey, Ella, how ya doin’?” Luke greeted her offhandedly, tearing a few tickets and giving them to Caesar in the back.

“She has a headache and is single-handedly ruining the piano as an instrument, apparently,” Jess informed his uncle on her behalf.

She nodded, then her eyes brightened when she saw Patty walk in, right on schedule. “Just this once, your nephew is correct. Now, if you’ll excuse me, gentlemen.”

With a sardonic tilt of the head, she left the two of them behind. She pulled out one utensil from her wide writing arsenal and went over to greet Miss Patty, who made her lean down for a kiss on the cheek. Ella obliged, though red as a tomato. It shocked Jess how sweet she could be with the customers. Most of the time all he got was a razor-sharp tongue. She had a goodness within her he already knew he could never live up to. It made his heart do a little twist, though he would never in a million years let her know.

“Jess?” Luke asked, breaking his nephew out of his daze.

“Yes, Uncle Luke?” Jess replied, his usual sarcastic mask back on.

Luke sighed, but ignored Jess’s attempts to irritate him with the formal address. “Less staring, more working, alright?”

#jess mariano imagines #jess mariano imagine #jess mariano one shot #jess mariano #gilmore girls #jess #jess mariano x oc #jess mariano x original character #luke danes #original character #original character stories

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rainbowsandcoconut · 4 years

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Just Saw you like getting questions, so here goes. A followup on the travel favorites. You mentioned it was difficult to narrow down. Would a top ten be easier? I always look for new inspiration LOTR being your first fandom but have you ever been into something no one else understood? 😊

HIIII! 💕 This totally made my night. I am honestly so surprised anyone would care enough to send me an ask, this is so sweet 🥰 Anyone wanting to talk or ask anything should absolutely feel free, I’d love it!

I’m gonna start with the last question since the travel one will definitely be longer 😊

I’ve been into a lot of things no one in real life understood haha. Like Supernatural back during seasons 1-3 ish when I was obsessed and my friends would get tired of me talking about it all the time (thank god for LiveJournal), or cycling (road and track) that I got super into watching one summer and ended up going all over the country to see races and do some photography for, for a few years.

Now traveling. Oh man, you’re really making me miss the days where travel was allowed and where I could afford it lol. Thanks for this question though, it’s really put me in a good mood to remember some of my trips, I hope these don’t disappoint. In case anyone hasn’t seen 3 of my fave travel memories, they’re over here. And now I’m going to spam you all with 10 more of my fave memories from trips. I had to try to go with ones I could find my pics from and I mostly managed, apart from Norway, so here we go:

1. Flying an airplane in Wanaka, New Zealand 🛩

I got to actually fly a plane! It only fit 2 people (and a cat) and I feel like I was allowed to do waaay too much, likely because it was my instructor’s first time taking someone inexperienced up so he let me do most of take off and also fly most of the trip, and then he even offered to talk me through landing it but I’m not insane so he ended up doing that part on his own. It was super freaking cool, and the view was absolutely breathtaking.

2. Seeing the Northern Lights, Tromsø, Norway

My best friend did her master’s in Tromsø so I went to visit her for a week in November 2018. I was a bit worried it was too early in the season to see the Northern Lights but one night the whole sky was full of dancing green light! We went up the top of a mountain and stayed there until we couldn’t stand the cold any longer, and it was just an incredible night. I didn’t manage to get any good photos with my phone so I just stole this off Google but it’s pretty accurate

3. Meeting Rachel Bloom in NYC last year

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is one of my favourite shows, and it’s really meant a lot to me. Yes, it’s a comedy with musical numbers but it also portrays struggles with mental health more realistically than any other show I’ve seen and that’s something I’ve really both needed and appreciated. Rachel is a comedic genius, and her show has helped me through a few tough times, so being able to not only see CXG live at Radio City Music Hall but also get to talk to Rachel after the show made it an incredible night.

4. Watching the sun rise over Angkor Wat, Cambodia

The history of the Angkor temples is so fascinating, and I managed to get myself up early enough to see the sun rise over Angkor Wat several times. For anyone who may want to go, my advice would be to not elbow your way to the front of the lake, but stand a bit further back while the majority of the tourists scramble to get a good spot. About 90% of them will disappear into the temple once the sun has offically risen and it’s gotten light out, but you want to stay by the lake. The sun takes longer than you think to actually rise above the temple, and by the time it gets there, most people will have left and the area will be much quieter and more peaceful and will give you a chance to really take in the sunrise. Each time I kept thinking maybe the sun wasn’t super bright or the clouds would cover it some because it seemingly took so long, but staying is absolutely worth it.

5. Early morning Alms Giving in Luang Prabang, Laos

This almost felt like a moment I wasn’t supposed to see but the owner of the guest house I was staying at assured me I was fine to watch. I wasn’t staying in the center of the city, and I was the only tourist out to watch the long procession in this neighbourhood which made the experience feel extra special and authentic as opposed to how crowded I’ve heard it can sometimes be in the city center.

6. Going to Lawrence, Kansas in 2009

Seeing as I mentioned being very into SPN above, I’ll include my trip to Lawrence, Kansas on this list. I went solely because my friend and I thought it’d be funny to do so because of its connection to Supernatural. We got invited to lunch by the owner of a souvenir shop who was delighted to hear I was from Denmark because her husband had a friend whose dad had once been. We stayed in Kansas City, and I got lost on my way back from the post office one day. An older lady in a car stopped by the streetlight I was at and offered me a ride back to my hotel which I gratefully accepted, only I started to rethink that decision once I realized that the footwell of her car was so full of bibles, I had to step on them, and the passenger door could not be opened from the inside. Obviously I realized this after I was in the car but while I was somewhat freaked out, I still agreed with her that us going past the McDonalds Drive Thru before my hotel was a good idea so her and I could get to know each other a bit... I was way too trusting back then but hey, I didn’t die so yay?

7. Driving a moped for the first time on Phu Quoc, Vietnam

I don’t have a license for any kind of vehicle and I have never driven any either (apart from a car twice on completely deserted, straight roads) but the owners of the hostel I was staying at insisted it was the best way to get around the island. Once of them tried to show me how it worked on her own moped, then let me try for a couple of minutes and then declared that she’d rent me one for the next day even though she was too afraid to sit on the back while I was practising because my accelerating and breaking were super abrupt. So the next day off I went. I drove into a tree and a sign in the street, got a lot of concerned looks, and I probably broke any and all traffic laws but I had such a fun time and I got to see some incredibly beautiful beaches that I don’t know how I could’ve gotten to without the moped. Important note for anyone doing this: remember sun cream! I sadly don’t have any photos of the moped, but I did take this photo of one of the beaches I visited:

8. Going to Obama’s first inauguration in January 2009 in Washington DC

I’ve always been into American politics and that interest peaked around 2008, so just in time to watch Obama get elected, and I knew I had to try to go to DC when I started planning my first ever US trip for 2009. I didn’t manage to get onto The Mall as I only made my way downtown around 6 am but I got a spot on Pennsylvania Avenue for the parade. I have never been so cold in my entire life but I’ve also never experienced the kind of euphoria and excitement from a crowd that I did that day. There truly was a feeling of hope for a real change, and I talked to the absolutely friendliest, kindest people while we waited. Plus I got to see Barack and Michelle Obama wave at me (in my direction anyway) as they were walking down Penn Ave which I’ll forever remember.

9. Going to Kangaroo Island, Australia

I love kangaroos. So much. I will never get over how cool they are. And I got to bottle feed joeys (baby kangaroos) on this island, as well as pet a bunch of tame adult ones, and see sooo many wild ones. Plus I got to see lots of koalas and other wildlife, as well as the beauty of the island. My friend did technically hit a kangaroo (or wallaby) when we were driving after dark but she’s Australian and didn’t take it quite as hard as I did.

10. Seeing the Colosseum in Rome, Italy

I’ve just always loved this building. And seeing it in real life did not disappoint.

#about me #travel

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the-cookie-of-doom · 4 years

Text

Fever Dream

November was a cold month in Northern California, and one of Stiles' favorites. The Halloween sugar rush was wearing off and the holidays weren't yet in full swing, but the Christmas spirit was just starting to color the air. Pine cones and spices scented the air everywhere he went. And Mitch's cabin had a fireplace, perfect for curling up in front of to snuggle and listen to the rain. It was bliss.

"Breakfast is ready," Mitch called from the kitchen. Stiles joined him and was met with a mouthwatering stack of cinnamon blueberry pancakes.

"Yum." His favorite.

"Glad you approve." Mitch slid the last pancake onto a plate to cool off and turned off the burner. Beside the stove the crockpot was bubbling away, a truly obscene amount of meat cooking down to be made into stew for dinner. Mitch may still be a wild mountain man at heart, but Stiles did manage to break him of his tendency towards raw meat.

Stiles sidled up to Mitch and teased, "You're trying to fatten me up, aren't you?" Not that he wasn't fond of all the tasty, rich meals Mitch had been cooking this week, but even Stiles could see there was a change in his mate. He just couldn't quite figure out what it was, yet; he was probably nesting. Mitch just rolled his eyes.

"Well…." He pulled Stiles close, sliding his hands under his shirt to rest them on Stiles' narrow waist. He'd not yet fully recovered from his time in the woods, but he wasn't as starved and frail as he was when the park rangers found him. "You are kinda skinny, still."

"I'm lean, you beast!" Stiles laughed, batting at Mitch's chest. "And you know you still wanna take a bite out of this."

"Mhmm, always," Mitch agreed. Stiles swallowed thickly, his heart beating faster at the raw honesty in Mitch's voice, the desire in his dark eyes. Mitch smirked because he could hear every fluttering pulse. "Eat your breakfast."

Stiles slipped away to pour himself a glass of milk—and cool himself off before he jumped Mitch right at the dining table and those delicious pancakes go to waste, a guy had to have some standards—and didn't miss the way Mitch slyly added another pancake onto Stiles' plate.

***

Mitch always ran hot, but tonight his blood was molten. He barely heard half the things Stiles said to him, too caught up watching his lips move and imagining the things he wanted to do to his pretty mouth. At least try to be decent, Mitch told himself, fully aware that they weren't alone. He reluctantly tore his eyes away when Stiles said something to his father, going to get himself a glass of water and pushing open the kitchen window for fresh air. The small cabin was getting to be suffocating, stifling.

Stiles followed after a few minutes later when he didn't return, sliding up behind him and wrapping his arms around Mitch's waist.

"What are you thinking about?"

"You." Mitch turned in Stiles' arms and pulled the omega flush against his chest, ducking down to give him a burning kiss. A small taste of what he really wanted. "I love you," he sighed, nuzzling Stiles' check affectionately.

"I love you, too." Stiles tipped his head back with a soft moan when Mitch started mouthing at his neck, worrying a tender spot with his teeth. Stiles tangled his hands in Mitch's wild hair. "Whats gotten into you tonight?"

Mitch didn't now. He just wanted Stiles. "You should ask your dad to leave. Right now."

"Y-yeah-ahhh." Stiles bit his lip, thinking that oh god, Mitch was actually going to have him right here, right now, on the damn kitchen table if Stiles let him. The thought was more tempting that it had any right to be, especially with Mitch kissing at his neck like that… "Okay! Okay, that's enough, snap out of it."

Mitch growled a little when Stiles pushed him away—when had Mitch gotten him pinned against the counter?—stopping Mitch from unbuttoning his shirt any further. Stiles hastily redid the buttons, not caring of they were done up correctly or not. One of them needed to be levelheaded here. Or at least pretend to.

"I'm… going to be right back." Stiles hesitated, taking a second to just look at Mitch. He was more beast than man, reminding Stiles of that feral creature that fucked him through his heat in a filthy cave all those months ago, rutting with him amongst the furs and leaves. Seeing the wolf so close to the surface again did things to him. The way Mitch watched him made him feel like prey, made Stiles hesitant to turn his back on him. "Uh, don't go anywhere." It pained him to leave, but the sooner he could get rid of his dad, the sooner mitch could ravish him anywhere and anyway he pleased.

John was not impressed when Stiles skated into the living room on socked feet, his shirt buttons askew and a red mark already blooming on his neck."

"I am so sorry, but you need to go, dad," Stiles rushed, his eyes bright and cheeks flushed. "We've, uh, got a thing. An urgent thing. Really needs to be taken care of like right now."

"Uh-huh." John gave Stiles a serious side eye, which Stiles returned with his own lethal puppy eyes.

"Please don't cockblock me," he said bluntly. "I'll come over tomorrow, we'll do lunch," Stiles had the feeling he would need to take the morning to recover once Mitch was done with him, "I promise. But you have to leave now, or you're gonna see some things that neither of is want you to see."

"Okay, fine, I'm going. Jesus."

"Thanks dad, by, love you!" Stiles ushered his father out the door and didn't even wait for him to get to his far before rushing back to the kitchen. Mitch had his hands clenched tight around the edge of the counter like it was the only thing holding him back.

Now that Stiles was back that restraint was unnecessary, and Mitch didn't waste any time before he was on Stiles, picking him up by his thighs and laying him out on the table.

"Oh my god, we're actually doing this," Stiles gasped. Fuck, he's always wanted to try this. He could never have his dad over for a meal ever again; he would never be able to think of anything but this.

Stiles was getting distracted and Mitch could tell. Soon enough he made sure Stiles wouldn't be able to think at all.

***

Stiles woke up in the early morning achy and sore, on a pile of soft blankets in front of the fireplace. The fire was out but Mitch was curled up behind him, keeping him warm. Stiles grinned remembering last night; Mitch could go for hours at the best of time, but it had never been quite like that in the months they've been together.

His stomach growled plaintively, reminding him why he'd woken up in the first place. Stiles carefully untangled himself from his lover and picked up a blanket to wrap around himself in lieu of clothes, padding quietly into the kitchen. The stew was still simmering on the counter, no one remembering to turn off the crockpot last night; Mitch did a good job making sure Stiles couldn't have a single coherent thought. He didn't bother with a bowl, just grabbing a spoon and taking off the lid to eat it straight out of the pot.

Soon Mitch joined him, missing Stiles' weight in his arms. He didn't have the decency to cover himself first.

"Hey," he said, his voice a low rumble against the back of Stiles' neck. It made him shiver.

"Hey yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Really good." Mitch lent down to nibble Stiles' shoulder, tugging on the blanket until it pooled at their feet. Without that barrier, Stiles could feel that Mitch was hard against his ass, and he huffed a soft laugh. If he didn't know better he would think Mitch was in rut to already want him again, but that was months away.

Stiles instead chalked it up to his own wily charms when Mitch coached him away from the counter and bent him over the table. It was sinfully easy for Mitch to slide inside him again, Stiles still wet and open from last night. He pillowed his head in his arms and curled his toes in pleasure as Mitch languidly thrust into him.

***

(Stiles does end up calling Talia, and finds out that werewolves go into rut later in the year.)

***

The rut wasn't a haze of mindless fucking. Mitch was still cognizant, in control. He just wanted, with a fierceness he'd never felt before, his desire demanding all of his attention. It was decadent.

Stiles was sleeping beside him, exhausted after days of thorough love making. Mitch was content to let him sleep, knew his mate dearly needed the rest. He entertained himself just petting his lover, sliding his hand under the blankets and running his fingers over Stiles' smooth skin.

Mitch shifted over until he was spooned up behind Stiles, nuzzling the soft tufts of his short hair. Stiles smelled like sex and sweat and them. He couldn't get enough of the intoxicating scent.

When Stiles started to stir awake Mitch smiled a bit, kissing that sensitive crook below Stiles' ear that always made him sigh in pleasure. This time was no different.

Stiles bared his neck for more, and mumbled, "Hey," his voice muffled by the pillow. Mitch hummed his response. "What time is it?"

"Early. You can go back to sleep if you want."

"Kinda hard to do with you doing that?"

"Doing what?" Mitch asked with faux innocence. Like his hand wasn't creeping up between Stiles' thighs. Mitch pulled his hand away and Stiles made a sound of displeasure, but Mitch was only adjusting to push Stiles' thighs open so he could nestle his cock inside. Stiles' eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks and he sighed a soft moan. Behind him Mitch growled quietly, a low rumble in his chest as he pulled Stiles' ass flush to his hips.

Every thrust was a slow, filthy grind that lulled Stiles until he was half-asleep. Mitch loosely curled his fingers around Stiles' cock, stroking him to a languid orgasm.

"That's it," he praised when Stiles spilled over his hand. He hummed in satisfaction, his knot swelling to lock them together, Stiles making soft little thrusts against him. "Get some sleep, darling."

"M'kay," Stiles incoherently mumbled. Mitch carelessly wiped his hand off on the sheet—they were going to need to do so many loads of laundry once this was over—and pulled the blankets over them both. He wrapped his arm around Stiles, blanketing him in a cocoon of warmth.

#cookie writes #stitch #stiles stilinski #mitch rapp #Fever Dream #the sequel to Hunted ;)#there is A Lot that goes on between February where Hunted Starts #and November where this section takes places lmao #cause remember last time we see Mitch he's a fkn wolf most of the time #and now he's a Mostly Function Human #he's a little bit of an asshole and doesn't put as much effort into being Normal as he could have #he prefers to stay a little wild #but it's cool Stiles is hot for it

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ithinkilikeit-reactions · 4 years

Text

2019 favorite songs (male version)

A/N: This is all my personal opinions and these are the songs that stood out to me this year and are the most memorable for me. Also this post will be long

Here is my top 10 for those who don’t want to see the rest

1. Rooftop - N.Flying

2. Soso - Winner

3. Wonderland - Ateez

4. Highway to Heaven - NCT 127

5. Undercover - A.C.E

7. Lit - Oneus

8. Sweet Chaos- Day6

9. Savage - A.C.E

10. Fuego - U-Kwon

January

“Lonely Night” - KNK

I was anticipating KNK’s return. I was very curious as to what they would do after leaving their company and having Youjin leave and Dongwon join. But they did not disappoint at all. Dongwon proved himself very much and it’s one of my favs this year.

“I’m OK” - iKon

I was so ready for this song. I love it so much. I was so ready for this song I was at school ready for it. iKon have never disappointed me with a song and this one is no exception. I adore it and listening to it makes me miss B.I.

“Say My Name” & “Hala Hala” - Ateez

Ateez was always on my radar. But these songs really made me notice them you know. I still bop to them both daily and like this is peak Kpop to me. This is the standard I expect from groups. Ateez really is out here to kill

“Rooftop” - N.flying

This song might be favorite this year. I’m not the biggest N.Flying stan (Really getting into them tho) and I love this song. This song might be my number 1 this year. I love it so much.

February

“Want” - Taemin

Taemin is a god. That’s all I really have to say. Like Taemin really is on another level. This whole album is a blessing.

“Enough” - SF9

SF9 are a group to look out for in my opinion. They really have their own sound and I can appreciate that. I have all of their albums in my playlist. I listen to this one frequently.

March

“Tuxedo” - Ravi

If you want to be happy. Listen to this song. It just puts a smile on my face. I genuinely like all of Ravi’s albums and think he is really promising as a musician.

“Thrilla Killa” - VAV

Still kinda sad Jacob isn’t in this one because wow. But VAV are underrated kings of the year. Thrilla Killa is such a fun song. I really have been enjoying VAV’s releases.

“Miroh”- Stray Kids

I will be jamming to Miroh until the day i die. I will be doing the Haka part of the choreo to this dance, until the day I die.

“Vibe” - 1Team

This might possibly one of my favorite debuts of all time. The song is so chill and mature yet still fun and I feel like you got to hear every member’s strengths and I adore it to bits and pieces.

April

“Doves” - Gree

(Couldn’t find a gif for the mv)

I really fell in love with this song after stumbling on it accidentally. The song is really different and I really really like it.

“Tu Eres” - Newkidd

It makes me so happy to see Hansol find his place somewhere. After he left SM and the SMrookies, he joined The Unit and I was just kind of like when is he going to find his place, is he going to go solo? I’m just happy he found his place. All around this is a solid debut.

“Bloom Bloom” - The Boyz

I have had a hard time getting into the The Boyz, I still don’t know any names or anything but this is the first song that really peaked my interest. I really love songs like this. It’s so fun and fresh to listen to and it puts me in a good mood.

“Bet Bet” - Nu’est

Nu’est is really coming for me. I love every release they have brought out over the years. They are just so good. Baekho’s vocals are god tier and I adore this song. The album is amazing as well.

May

“Ah Yeah” - Winner

Winner have been so refreshing and just lovely lately. Their recent comebacks have really made me adore them even more. “Ah Yeah” is a song I have been listening to a lot lately and it just makes me really happy.

“Undercover” - A.C.E

We all know how I feel about A.C.E. This song is in my top 10 this year, maybe even top 5. A.C.E have so much talent and the video and the styling are amazing. But like the rap is God tier.

“Highway to Heaven” - NCT 127

I chose this song over “Superhuman” because it’s superior to me. Highway to Heaven makes me feel like a college student, going on a spring break roadtrip with my friends. Also in my top 10 this year.

“Twilight” - Oneus

I didn’t put their debut in this, even though it was amazing because Twilight is superior. I love this concept, this song and these boys. Oneus are proving themselves to be monster rookies and I am here for it. “Now” is a really good b-side.

June

“Wave” & “Illusion” - Ateez

It’s not surprise that Ateez makes the list again. This album was the one I bopped too all summer and I will never not “HAKUNA MATATA YAAAA”

“RPM” - SF9

I LOVE SF9. Look RPM is superior in everyway and form. The choreo, the styling, the song, the mv, JUST EVERYTHING. I was so shook when this song came out omg.

“Side Effects” - Stray Kids

Boy my head hurts. I love Stray Kids, I love their songs. This song totally caught me off guard and as much as I prefer it when Stray Kids isn’t as angry, this song is amazing and no one can change my mind.

“Questions” - Zelo

I missed my baby. It’s nice to hear his voice again. I love this track it’s really nice and summery. Looking forward to more things by my baby.

July

“Rolling Rolling” - 1team

1Team are rookies I didn’t know what to expect from. But their songs are so chill omg. I love every single one of them and like I just feel hanging out at the beach when i listen to them.

“Time of our life” - Day6

Day6. I love this song. They had so much fun with it and it’s just so good omg. Day6 for the win. K-Bands for the win.

“Sunset” - KNK

Oh lord. KNK came for my throat. I want more KNK in 2020 because I need it. This song reminds me of a fashion show.

“Give me more (ft. De La Ghetto, Play n Skillz)” - VAV

Fun summer songs always win for me. Also VAV always win for me. I really like the dance and just the vibe of the song. It is kinda generic but I still really like it and listen to it alot.

“Boom” NCT Dream

Boy these boys have grown up so much. It warms my heart and makes me sad at the same time. I still listen to this daily.

“Face” - Woosung/Sammy

I love this song so much. It’s so refreshing and nice to listen to. Sammy’s voice is like butter.

August

“Come back home” - Target

This song surprised me. I generally don’t go into groups I don’t know with high hopes, but I really like this song and the choreography.

“Final Kiss” - IZ

This is a band I have been getting into too. Final Kiss is a great way to end the summer and it’s a really nice refreshing and fun. The drummer really caught my eye, because he’s hella cute and the main vocalist is so talented.

September

“Hit” and “Fear” - Seventeen

Fear made me nearly crap myself at the beginning of the song. It caught me so off guard but in the best way. Hit is just such a fun song and a hype song. I yell along to it in the shower almost every time.

“Lit” - Oneus

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. How they made such a fun song that I willbe listening to 10 years later is besides me. Oneus really out proving themselves. Another one for in my top 10.

“Human” and “Daredevil” - Zico

I have mentioned in the past how much I love Zico and his music and this was the return I wanted. The Thinking album is just amazing. Zico manages to put every emotion there is into an album.

October (A lot of great releases here)

“Jopping” - SuperM

I will be jopping to the end of time. Look a lot of people hate the thought of SuperM and stuff. But like, to me SuperM is just alot of amazing in one group and the songs are really cool. So yeah and they created their own verb.

“Why” - ONF

(not the right mv but yeah)

This song really put ONF on the map for me. It’s so different and nice. I love it. The mv is also incredibly and the vocals are too.

“Wonderland” - Ateez

Again, no surprise. This song is still on repeat for me. I love it, I want to tattoo it on my forehead. i want Yunho to “Kajaaaa” all over me. I love it, love it, love it. Can’t wait to see them live in 2020. Also in my top 10 this year.

“Good Bam” - N.Flying

A chill feel good song that I adore. Me and my friend talk alot on voice chat on discord and at the end of the night we say ‘Good Bam’ because of this song. It’s just so fun.

“Runaway” - TXT

I am not the biggest TXT stan, I like some songs and that’s about it but, Run away is an amazing song. The mv is lovely, the song is great and I really like the choreography.

“Poison” - VAV

VAV came for my throat and they didn’t have to. Also in my top 10 this year.

“Sweet Chaos” - Day6

I listen to this and i want to scream along. We got a lot this comeback, Young K’s forehead, a full album and all of Day6 in suits. Another one for in my top 10.

“So So” - Winner

SoSo came out after I broke up with my boyfriend and let me tell you, perfect timing. This mv is one of the best I have seen ever and the song is amazing. Winner really stepped up their game this year. Another top 10.

“Follow” - Monsta X

This will be a Monsta X era I will cherish forever. Enough said.

“Savage” - A.C.E

We all know my A.C.E tangent I went on and I will not apologize. Another one for the top 10. No one does it like A.C.E. MORE A.C.E IN 2020. Also Wow’s rap in this song needs to be 10 verses longer, for my health.

November

“Calling my name” - GOT7

Got7′s best title track yet? IDK but to me it is. I also love all the b-sides and I feel like everyone got to show off their strengths.

“Make this” - 1Team

The beat drop in this song is something I haven’t quite heard before. I really like it and the video reminds of like a 90′s video game which is pretty cool. 1Team really are my favorite group out of boygroups who debuted this year.

“Balloon” - Zico

Zico man, I love this video and song so much. It encapsulates alot of my own emotions and it’s beautiful.

“Blue Flame” - Astro

This song had me so shook. I have really been getting into Astro and this is my first comeback with them and I am not at all disappointed. Astro man...

december

“Fuego” - U Kwon

I love this song so much. I want people to cover dance it, the choreography is so fun and I’d do it myself but I can’t dance. I love the song and it was like the last thing I expected in December and it is in my top 10.

“Levanter” Stray Kids

a bittersweet comeback. But still beautiful, I’m proud of how far they have come and Stray Kids have never disappointed me. The choreo is lovely and Seungmin’s vocals are beautiful.

#knk #ikon #ateez #taemin #sf9 #ravi #vav #stray kids #1team #gree #newkidd #the boyz #nu'est #winner #a.c.e #oneus #nct 127 #zelo #day6 #nct dream #target #iz #seventeen #superm #got7 #woosung

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putschki1969 · 4 years

Text

Magic Moment Self Liner Notes

Notes: Finally I had some time to translate these self liner notes. It’s great to get some insight. I always appreciate a song more after having read the thoughts behind it. There is lots of precious content here so please be sure to read it. I recommend you listen to the album while going through this post.

SPECIAL ~ SELF LINER NOTES

Source: https://www.jvcmusic.co.jp/wakana/special/

-- Your 2nd album 『magic moment』 is officially completed. Did you create this work while having an overarching theme in mind?

Yes. Throughout this entire album I wanted to express a “magic moment” - hence the title. This theme first came to life when I released my EP 『Aki no Sakura』 last November and it appeared once again during my live tour in December. Back then when I was just starting to work on my EP my director and I originally came up with “magic hour” as our central motif.

-- “Magic hour” is the time just before sunrise or just after sunset when the sky’s colours are changing from orange to purple and everything is drenched in beautiful light.

Exactly. From then onwards we were tackling the theme of “magic hour”, after all, this kind of transitional moment can be applied to many situations in life. I thought it would be nice if we could turn all moments of life into music.

-- The album seems to overflow with many such “magical moments” of life. Please introduce each song individually.

01. breathing Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Yumemi Kujira

-- This is the full sized version with lyrics of the instrumental piece "eve" that served as intro for your EP 『Akino Sakura』.

When we were working on the 『Aki no Sakura EP』" we decided to record a full sized version for the album

-- There is a sense of gracefulness and natural vitality.

The song is basically made up of a chorus that is repeated a total of four times but listening to the music written by Yumemi-san many different sceneries are being conveyed, you will notice bird-like sounds in the interludes between the different choruses, you will hear a waterfall flowing, you will feel flowers blooming in profusion. Also, one day the wife of our 1st violinist came to visit us at the recording studio, she is a flutist so we made use of her talent and added some flute to the song. Adding this raw and fresh sound really broadened the world views presented in the music. When I listened to the melody for the first time the movie "Avatar" came to mind. So I let myself be inspired by that film while writing the lyrics. The protagonist of “Avatar” was injured on the battlefield and became paralysed. But when he was syncing with his avatar, he was able to walk again. Watching the scene where he is in sync with his avatar and steps firmly on the ground for the first time always has a great impact on me, I wanted to include this special feeling in my lyrics.

-- The line “土を踏み生きて行く者 | beings who live stepping firmly on the ground” is very reminiscent of that scene.

Yes. With Earth’s gravity most creatures live on the ground, some in the air or in the water. The same goes for birds. All of us are breathing and living here united by our beating hearts. We are living an ordinary life on this earth until some day it is time to say goodbye and go to another place, “楽園へいざゆけ | let’s go to paradise”. “Paradise” is an unknown place, in a sense this lack of knowledge is very harsh. Yet, you dare to set foot into this new world, there are still so many places to discover.

02. Yureru Haru Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Miki Sakurai

-- Compared to the first song, the tempo is increased considerably. The piano in the beginning is very refreshing.

This song has had a huge impact on me ever since Sakurai-san first sent it to me, I especially love the beginning of the chorus. It conveys a dazzling light, it awakens a sparkling sensation inside of me making me feel like I am looking up at the sun while riding my bicycle. I really wanted to do a warm spring song like that. I also like the change of atmosphere between the cute verses and the rather cool chorus. I wanted to have the hero of this song shout out their emotions during the chorus. There is an image of movement rather than stillness, I wanted it to be powerful.

-- The phrases “駆け出した | you broke into a run” and “君の叫び | your cry” tie back to your intention.

Those words represent impulses, an urge to start running, a cry that can no longer be contained. There is excitement and nervousness. You have a clean canvas in front of you, you can just follow your urges and draw freely. The line in the second chorus “睫毛に触れたのは昨日の自分の欠片 | fragments of yesterday’s me are touching my eyebrows” is supposed to be about tears. When tears are hitting your eyelashes they will linger there for a while, you are releasing fragments of yourself which you have gathered and contained inside of you. There are so many things you have to deal with, all kinds of feelings, you cannot help but cry. Nevertheless, you think it’s best to break free and start running.

-- Before you start running and follow your impulse you are experiencing many feelings. This sentiment comes across well with the use of “sway” in this line of your lyrics - “春の香り揺れてる | swayed by the scent of spring”.

As spring comes you will notice that along with spring’s unique scent your thoughts and feelings are also being swayed. That’s why I didn’t use the words “spring’s scent” but instead I decided on “swayed by the fragrance of spring”.

03.where Lyrics / Composition: AlbatoLuce; Arrangement: Akihito Takahashi

-- This song leaves a strong impression with its speedy acoustic guitar strokes and four-on-the-floor rhythm.

The intro melody with its "oh ~ oh ~" felt very different to anything I had ever sung before, I thought it was nice and a catchy tune. The lyrics are also very meaningful, the messages carried along the words are beautiful.

-- Speaking of meaningful lyrics, I felt like the protagonist of this song is turning into an adult and slowly learning to love all the wounds and scars that have gathered throughout the years, they are finding themselves and a place where they belong.

You can definitely interpret the lyrics like that during certain passages. However, rather than trying to find a story for the whole song, I think it’s more important to look at the individual lines, every single word is meaningful. That's why the song is easy to listen to. In addition, I have never sung a song that’s completely in midrange. I wanted to give it a try.

-- The contrast between the sharp music and your soft whispery singing provides a nice nuance.

While recording I was very conscious of my vocals, I sang with a breathy voice. It almost sounds like I am talking, like a recitative style. I would like to do more research on this approach, there is still a lot to learn.

-- Within your airy singing, there are certain key points that you are emphasising with your voice, it almost feels like an attack. Those words will leap at you and touch your heart. For example, the line “構わない | it doesn’t matter” in the second verse starts with a very powerful note.

I received some direction and advice while singing, it’s meant to feel like an attack. The chorus rhythm was specifically chosen to invoke a sense of charging ahead.

04. 442 Lyrics: Wakana, Airi Okamoto; Composition / Arrangement: Koichi Ikekubo

-- That title makes you really curious.

Apparently the frequency of a baby's first cry is 442 Hz, so that’s what inspired me to choose the title.

-- Interesting! A mid-tempo song with a powerful rhythm. I think it conveys a very passionate and slightly forky atmosphere.

Originally the song had a strong Indian touch

-- Now that you mention it, it really does sound like someone is playing the sitar?

Yes, yes it does! Initially I thought it would be difficult to sing Japanese to this kind of music but Ikekubo-san told me I could do whatever I wanted with the song. We chose an approach that would match a baby’s crying. The lyrics are co-authored. First of all, we discussed what the song could be about, we talked a bit and decided we wanted to make the song about moments when you feel the need to sing and the reasons behind wanting to sing. Then Okamoto-san provided a lyric draft and I felt immediately inspired, the words just kept flowing out of me. Especially worth mentioning is the first chorus line “愛の声が聴こえた | I heard the voice of love” , Okamoto-san came up with that. Inspired by this line, I wrote the following “最後の碧に終わりを告げた時でも | even when the end is announced for the final blue sky”. In a way it feels like the only reason one was born was to listen to the “voice of love”. This singing voice is echoing through your entire body. When we are born our cries are creating the same sound, isn’t that strange? Why is that? While contemplating this one realises that we are all born to do something, our first cry is like a singing voice giving expression to that purpose. We are born for this very thing, it’s like it is our mission, our fate. It’s going to be different for everyone but each of us will be living in order to do and achieve SOMETHING. Which is why our first cry, our first song if you will, sounds the same for all of us.

-- It seems like your own mission and the meaning behind your singing are taking shape through the worldview presented in the line “喜びも哀しみもひとつに繋がって、溢れ出したものが歌である | both sadness and joy are united and overflowing to become a song”.

That final chorus block is very important because that’s where I tried to put all of my thoughts and feelings into the lyrics. This is the point where I have no choice but to convey what I haven't been able to convey at the beginning of the song. That’s why I wrote it like that. As a result, things slowly fall into place while you are listening to the song, at this point everything starts to make sense. That's also the reason I wanted to end the song with just my vocals to bring the point across.

05. Hirari Hirari Lyrics / Composition: Sairenji!; Arrangement: Mine Kushita

It's a heartrending song. The sadness is palpable during certain parts of the melody when I am using falsetto.

-- Yes. It is a beautiful and sad medium-slow track.

It's a song about people who want to meet but cannot meet. There are many reasons for that...Maybe someone leaves and you cannot see them again or you desperately want to see them but lack the courage to approach that person... Lyrics like this which are written by someone else are very refreshing, it’s nice to get a completely different point of view, that also affects my singing style. I wanted this song to sound breathy, I would for everyone to listen to it during a quiet moment.

-- The song starts with just your vocals, from your first breath onwards there is a special depth, your breaths become part of the song. There are only two passages in the first verse where the quality of your voice changes considerably, it’s when you are singing “静けさ | silence” and “優しさ | tenderness”..

Those two phrases are reminiscent of the melody. The word “静けさ | silence” is meant to sound transcient, almost like a hallucination, a nuance that’s barely there and you have to strain your ears to pick it up. I wanted to sing every word clearly, I want everyone to understand my Japanese easily. As with 「where」, it was necessary to change the way my midrange singing sounded. For example, in the second verse there is the line “時が止まったままもう君は... | time has stopped but you...”, it’s all sung with the same note but it serves as melody. When I thought about how to sing those parts I realised that I wanted the melody to guide my singing.

-- Also, there is a beautiful and ephemeral vibration in your singing voice when you sing the line “夕暮れにかすんだ | got hazy within the dusk”.

That's right. I emphasised “kasumu | to become hazy” with a breath . This way it can sound either sexy or slightly scary. I think the word “kasumu” is very beautiful. I also really love the lyrics in the final verse. “たやすく愛と名付けないで | never call love easy”.

-- Is this supposed to emphasise the importance of the feelings that still remain inside of someone despite being separated?

I personally never take the word "love" lightly, it is not just a simple word but in this case the phrase is actually supposed to express the feeling of not wanting to be reduced to a single word by other people.

06. Aki no Sakura (Acoustic ver.) Lyrics: Kei Saito, Yoshitaka Taira; Composition: Kei Saito; Arrangement: Toshio Uchida

-- You recorded an acoustic version of 「Aki no Sakura」, which was the title song of your EP.

I really loved the acoustic arrangement of the song at my December live with the participation of percussionist (Nakakita) Yuko-san. I wanted to include it in the album so we made that happen. The song’s tempo has been decreased slightly compared to the original and it’s just my vocals, the percussion, an acoustic guitar, an accordion and a violin. I know Uchida-san who made the arrangement for this song from my Kalafina days, he played the guitar at Kalafina’s Otadama performances. It was nice to meet him again, it’s thanks to him that the song become warmer and more tragic. There was also someone from Uchida-san's agency who suggested we include some scat singing in the interlude. Combining the sound of the guitar with my scat singing was very refreshing and fun.

-- There is a phrase in the song where you sing, “笑い合ったね | we shared laughter”, the “i” in “warai” felt particularly warm, it’s like we are getting a new look at the lyrics with this version of the song.

Yes, I tried changing the nuance of my falsetto. I performed it live a few times ever since the release of my EP so my understanding of the song has changed quite a bit. This is how new nuances come to life.

07. myself Lyrics / Composition: AlbatoLuce; Arrangement: Yoshifumi Ise

-- A slow number that progresses with main focus on your vocals, the piano and some strings. Your comforting singing voice is very pleasant.

Initially, the arrangement was very heavily focused on the piano, there was a sense of quietness. When I listened to the track for the first time it left a strong impression on me, it reminded me of sublime songs like “Amazing Grace”. I was very adamant about keeping the song tranquil and calm, I didn’t want it to become too dark or too emotional. I used my breath consciously and expressed my lines with a singing voice that’s very close to my speaking voice.

-- This song is mostly low to midrange. The first and second verse are warm and comforting, the chorus on the other hand is very emotional.

The chorus is definitely more powerful than it was in the original version during pre-production. For the pre-production I was using falsetto during the chorus. But once I had decided to speak most of the lyrics, I thought it would be best not to include falsetto. This kind of song is really difficult because every aspect of yourself is laid bare, that was quite the challenge.

-- When confronted with this type of slow song and small ensemble isn’t it necessary for you as a vocalist to provide the rhythm with your singing?

Yes, the most important aspect of my singing was how to create the rhythm. During one recording we used the clicking sound of a metronome to double the tempo. Then, once I had gotten used to the song, I was able to sing without the help of the metronome.

-- In the lyrics you are touching upon the subject of weak hearts, weaknesses we all have in common. You are singing about times when you are not able to reveal your trembling heart. Is this possibly about looking back at one’s own own trajectory, about overcoming such times?

The “You” in the lyrics can be yourself or a specific someone. The song is actually less about overcoming hesitation, fear or weakness and more about learning to live with these things.

-- I see. In the final chorus you are singing “愛してた事 | the fact that I loved you” in past tense, what is the meaning behind that?

I thought about that a lot. We are reborn every day, you loved yourself back then just as much as you love yourself right now. Among all the versions of yourself, there ought to be one that is weak - yet that version of you still deserves love.

08. Kimi Dake no Stage Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Satoshi Takebe

-- Finally 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 is available on CD, we have only heard it live before!

I have been singing this song live ever since October 2018. The song and lyrics were produced around September of that year. Amazing musicians participated in the recording of this song. In particular, I wanna mention the drummer Kasuke-san (Noriyasu Kawamura), just like me he is a person full of longings. The feeling of being wrapped up by the music is wonderful. I had been singing the song for a long time already so when the band recorded it I felt comfortable going into the vocal booth and singing at the same time. It felt like we were performing live. I had to sing the song all by myself a second time that day but the feeling of being accompanied still remained inside of me.

-- You are using a clear singing voice here.

I had a clear image of the song and while performing live, I experienced so many great things. That’s the reason why I aimed for a clear singing style, I simply wanted to match the clearness of the song.

-- When I read through the lyrics, I felt really drawn into the song from the very first line, “列をはみ出して泳ぐ魚が見えたよ | I saw fish swimming out of line”. It’s very Wakana-like since you love aquariums so much, the message within that phrase is also incredibly strong.

That first part of the song is depicting someone standing in front of a water tank. Imagine a group of sardines swimming in the tank and all of a sudden one of the fish is breaking away and swimming in the other direction. The little fish that chooses a different path stands out. Watching the fish you start wondering what it might see, what it might experience. And now have a human child take the place of this fish. Everyone in the group is at school while a single child is deciding to skip class.

-- It’s not always a clear line, sometimes life is about breaking away even if there is no clear intention behind the action.

It’s not so much about breaking away from everything, rather it’s about taking on challenges so you can try things you want to do. I had that kind of experience when I was a young student, it took a lot of courage, many times I felt very uneasy and frightened but it was also very refreshing. Even now that I have grown up and I am an adult I can still say with certainty that I do not regret my thoughts and decisions from back then. Therefore I think if you want to do something you SHOULD do it, be straightforward and honest with yourself. That doesn’t only apply to teenagers ... You should also live by that philosophy in your 20s and 30s. Even when you are getting older you might feel the urge to break free and do something new. 10 years from now I will surely be in a completely different position having to deal with all kinds of worries. We are all the heroes of our own stories, of our own lives so we need to take responsibility. However, I also included parts about falling in line in the lyrics. For things to go smoothly we can’t just break away all the time, it’s also about cooperating with others in school, at work or in other situations of life.

-- That's why you are also singing about how everyone - strangers and acquaintances alike - is always breaking into a run to do something.

That's right. The second half of the song is about remembering the place where I grew up. I was raised in Fukuoka but back then all I wanted to do was move to Tokyo. Now I love Fukuoka. I guess you don’t realise what you have got until it’s gone. I feel the same way about my family. Back then I was impatient and itching to do something, that's why I want to tell my past self, “it’s okay, I understand if you want to leave.” Even now, all I want is my passion to bring light to my life, I made it this far thanks to my family and my friend, I am here because of them. That’s how I came up with the line “初めて誰かを守りたいと思ったとき自分を愛してくれる人のため今があるんだ | the moment you first want to protect someone you realise that you exist for the sake of those who love you”.

09. Orange Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: Ryota Iwakoshi; Arrangement: Kazunori Fujimoto

-- 「Orange」 was included in your EP 「Aki no Sakura」, it’s now part of your album.

Someone from the A&R division of my record label really loved this song so they suggested I should include it. *laughs* I am also very much in love with the song so their words motivated me to add the song to the tracklist.

-- The positioning of the song in your album is very refreshing. For example, 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 is all about the warm embrace you feel in the place you were born in. That transitions nicely to a sense of nostalgia which is conveyed in 「Orange」.

The tracklist order can strongly influence your perception of a song. When I was a student, I was itching to do something new and came to the city. Now I am living my life here and watching orange sunrises while thinking about [blank]. This “…” part consists of all kinds of crazy feelings, feelings from my past, my present...being able to listen to 「Orange」 on this album makes things more real and brings back all these memories and feelings much more clearly.

-- The lyrics of 「Orange」 and 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 are also somehow connected. The “あなたの笑顔に逢いたいから | I want to meet your smile” sung in 「Orange」 seems to be tied together with the “笑顔を届けられたら | I would like to bring a smile to your face” in 「Kimi Dake no Stage」. The driving force of your singing is conveyed very well.

Yes. If possible I would much rather see smiling faces instead of sad ones!

10. Happy Hello Day Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: Akihiro Kasuga; Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

-- This song starts with overflowing feelings of gratitude and happiness.

We are celebrating the day of our birth with a “Happy Birthday” song so I thought, “why not write a song that celebrates the day we met?” While listening to the melody I could see myself singing this kind of song in front of my audience. “Thank you, I am glad we were able to meet today”, it’s these feelings I wanted to put into words to make lyrics out of them. The sound of the string quartet is beautiful, and Kanematsu-san piano playing is incredibly smooth. His playing during the recording was super cool, he went wild *laughs*

-- The song picks up momentum during the final chorus with the included clapping, that’s quite quite the grand scale.

That’s Kanematsu-san and my own clapping you hear, all the staff members and my manager also joined in on the clapping *laughs*

-- I think this song will have an even greater scale once you perform it live and the clapping of everyone in the audience will be overlapping. In that sense I believe your feelings will come across well during the chorus when you are singing about “you” and “us” in lines such as “君と逢えた | kimi to aeta” or “手を繋ぐよ | te wo tsunagu yo”.

When I am singing at a live venue in front of a large number of people, it feels like you and me - all of us - are talking together. Of course we each have our own regular lives with our own problems but in that moment all we are doing is enjoy music together That’s why in one chorus I chose “手を繋ぐよ | we are holding hands” and in the final chorus I wrote “手を繋ごう | let’s hold hands”. Thank you for coming to meet me, let’s hold hands! Surely we will be able to meet again in the future and then our hands will be joined once more.

-- Is it that feeling that makes you sing the final chorus with such a more powerful voice?

Yes, it’s crazy how much heart and strength I put into that part. When I sang the line “今生きている | ima ikite iru“ the “ikite” ended up sounding savage *laughs*.

11. magic moment Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: SIRA; Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

-- The title song is the final track on your album

I asked SIRA to compose a song related to the theme “magic hour,” when I got the song, its temporary title was actually “magic hour”. After I wrote the lyrics for the song, I decided on the current title and simultaneously made it the album title since I felt it best symbolised the essence of the album.

-- The 6/8 time signature of the song makes it sound very grand and magnificent, its evocative nature seems to lead right into the future. I feel like 「magic moment」 being the last track provides a fitting conclusion to the whole album.

I think so too. The song makes you feel like your journey will continue, there’s a sense of embarking on a new journey. In a way it’s closely connected to the first song of the album 「breathing」, it’s nice to have this little call-back.

-- The words you use in 「magic moment」 and 「breathing」 are also connected. The line “高鳴る音さえ | even the throbbing sound” in 「magic moment」 seems to be tied to the “高鳴る胸 | throbbing heart beat” and “鼓動 | pulsation” in 「breathing」.

That's right! Everyone is always saying how they need to take responsibility and that they are gonna be an adult from now on but when are you really an adult? Can you not be an adult and still live your life enjoying yourself? Shouldn't we be allowed to dream? I wrote the lyrics with these feelings in mind *laughs*. It’s like reading a fantasy novel that invites you to explore a foreign world. The rhythm changes during the chorus which gives the song a very mysterious vibe. That's why I thought it would be nice to use frivolous and floating phrases instead of real words

-- Frivolous and floating, what do you mean by that?

A sense of recklessness maybe, not knowing what’s ahead of you but still wanting to continue forward *laughs*, I guess a responsible adult would call it, “to lose your footing and float away”...the lyrical subject of this song just wants to dream.

-- For me both the melody as well as the lyrics convey a strong sense of “human life”. There is a line that says "最後の場所は決めたよ | I know where I will die" and later in the song you mention “何��か遠く | somewhere far away”. This person might not have decided on the road they will be taking but they already have their sights fixed on a specific goal?

The hero of this song doesn’t need guidance or a map. He or she has already found a perfect place for their final sleep. And that place is actually not too far away. However, until that very last moment of your life you want to travel far. One should be living with the goal of wanting to experience one miraculous moment after the other. Life is not about trying to reach that final place, it’s about living your life to the fullest until you reach that place. That’s what this song is about.

#kalafina #wakana #magic moment #self liner notes #my translations

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seungcheolsbodyharness · 5 years

Text

Title: Ceremonies and Celebrations

wc: 7.2k

Summary: Soonyoung proposed to you on your birthday. This is everything that comes next.

If you haven’t read Pacts and Promises please read that first, here, this is not a one shot. thank u

a/n: Happy very belated birthday to the loml @jungkooksxo, this is her very late present (just like P&P was last year ;_;) I hope you like it kimothy 💕💕💕💕💕💕

You say yes. Over and over, with tears in your eyes, you tell Soonyoung that yes, you’ll marry him. You’ve never wanted anything more. He slips the ring onto your finger and it’s perfect, he’s perfect, you’ve never been so happy, you can’t stop the tears.

To think that only a year ago, you’d never known if you’d be allowed to love him like this. You’re so grateful he insisted on carrying out that ridiculous pact, and he laughs when you tell him so. He’s standing now, holding your face in his hands and kissing you all over, wiping away your tears.

“I’ve loved you since before I knew what that meant.” he tells you, wrapping one arm around your waist and swaying with you slowly to the music still playing on his phone. His voice is soft, a little broken from his own tears that have been shed. “I’ve always known that you were what I wanted. You - you told me the reason you hated the pact was because you were worried I wouldn’t love you back and - and that was why I was pushing it so hard. I wanted to tell you so badly.”

You laugh, a little watery, and press a kiss into his neck. “I’m glad we made it here. I love you.”

He returns the sentiment and you continue swaying together there in the lantern light of the gazebo.

The Announcement

The first call you make is to your parents, sort of - you don’t tell them that the two of you are engaged, because you want to see their faces. Soonyoung suggests just telling them it’s been a while since all of you have gotten together, and that you want to see them as soon as you can. Plans are made for the following weekend, and Soonyoung’s parents agree as well, and you’re so excited.

This does, of course, require some elusive tactics on your part - you don’t want to not wear the ring, but you fear that if someone sees it the news will get out before you can go out to see your parents. You want nothing more than to take pictures of it and tell the whole world how much you love your fiance, how excited you are to be with him for the rest of your life. Soonyoung understands of course, and reminds you with a kiss that it’s only a few days. You’ll be able to shout it from the rooftops soon enough. It takes everything in you to not refer to him as your fiance in every breath, but you manage, and soon enough you and Soonyoung are pulling into the driveway of your parents’ home. His parents’ car is already there, and you know now that this is it.

Your mother greets you at the door, and you think of the ring nestled in your pocket. Everyone is seated in the living room, and you all hug and greet each other, and once things are caught up, Soonyoung’s mother expresses her suspicions that there’s an ulterior motive to this meeting.

You and Soonyoung both blush, and both laugh. “Actually,” you start, reaching into your pocket and slipping the ring onto your finger, “there is something we wanted to tell all of you.”

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant.” your mother gasps, which makes his mother gasp, both of them covering their mouths with their hands.

“What? Mom, no.” You laugh. You pull your hand from your pocket, angled down to show off the ring. “We - we’re getting married.”

Your mothers gasp collectively this time, reaching out to their respective husbands who seem unsurprised. Happy, but by no means shocked.

“Was it the ring you showed me?” Soonyoung’s father asks, smile small and knowing. Soonyoung nods, his own smile a mirror.

You stand and walk over to show the ring to them up close, but instead you’re pulled into a tight hug as your mother and his stand as well, wrapping you in their arms, both of them crying. You’re overcome with the need to cry as well. You’re so lucky to have this much love in your life.

“Tell us everything.” Soonyoung’s mother begs when they release you, holding your hand up to her eyes.

You and Soonyoung meet eyes, and share a tender smile. “You tell them. You planned it all.” you say. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and begins the story.

Later that night, you’re alone with your father in the kitchen - making snacks to bring back out to everyone else.

“You didn’t seem that surprised.” You say, pouring popcorn into a bowl. “Neither you or Mr. Kwon did.”

He chuckles. “Well, Soonyoung did ask my permission about a month ago.”

“You gave it, I’m assuming.”

He shakes his head. “I told him he didn’t need it. Our families have always been close, and I love him like my son already, and the permission that mattered most was yours.”

“Oh.” you smile softly and reach out to hug him. “Thank you, dad.” You step back, but something sticks out. “But why was mom so surprised then?”

“Oh, that.” He smirks. “Soonyoung came out to visit last month, and we - him, his father and I - went to dinner so he could discuss his plan to ask you. He had a ring picked out, and when we both expressed support, we all agreed to keep mum about it. Your mothers are both…excitable. We worried they might spill the surprise.”

You laugh. That does sound like them. “Well, it all worked out in the end, huh?”

Your father nods and takes the bowl of popcorn from you, leading you back into the festivities. The moment you’re back your mother smiles, broad and full of joy, pulling you down to sit beside her and patting your leg. “I can’t wait to go dress shopping with you.”

You smile, even though you’re sure the experience will be equal parts stress and magic, and Soonyoung’s mother makes sure to say she’ll be there too.

“Of course.” You lean your head onto your mother’s shoulder. “I need both of you to be there.”

Soonyoung smiles at you from across the room where he’s sitting on the couch, and mouths the words “I love you.”

the party, first of many

Your parents insist on it. You and Soonyoung both try to insist otherwise - engagement parties aren’t a must, and neither is a full on photoshoot. The important people in your lives know you’re engaged, and that’s what matters to you. The party really isn’t necessary.

“Then think of it more like a family reunion.” Soonyoung’s mother tells you. “But with twice the family and all your important friends. We can do a pot luck if it will make you more comfortable.”

“Plus,” your mother adds, “think of the guest list as a trial run for the one for the wedding. We won’t tell anyone it’s an ‘engagement celebration’ so anyone who doesn’t make the cut won’t feel slighted.” She turns to your father and smiles. “That’s what we did.”

Your eyes widen and your parents laugh. “That’s a really good idea, actually.”

You and Soonyoung head home the next day, heads reeling a little, tasked only with creating a guest list and showing up on the day of.

The two of you spend every night for a week or so - or more - poring over your contact lists, on the phone with your parents with questions about which relatives the family was still cool with and who was absolutely not going to be invited.

It’s exhausting, but once it was over you felt a distinct sense of relief. Your parents sent out invitations, carefully inviting everyone to “an evening of family and friends, please bring a covered dish” instead of mentioning your relationship with Soonyoung. The friends you’d alerted ahead of time had asked if it was an engagement party, but were easily appeased with the promise of good food and an open bar.

The night comes three months into the engagement, and it’s easily the most stressed you’ve ever been. Even though the night isn’t dedicated to you and Soonyoung, it doesn’t stop all of your older relatives coming up to you and poking and prodding at the two of you to answer questions about the upcoming wedding - sometimes literally. Your parents, thankfully, seemed to always be able to tell when things were going too far; one of them would magically appear to sweep a relative or three away so you and Soonyoung could breathe.

Looking back, it was a good night. A great night, overall - being surrounded by people who love you, eating good food and hearing people congratulate you and Soonyoung on your love. Things could certainly have been worse, but a lot of your family knew and liked each other already.

Maybe planning the wedding wouldn’t be so hard.

Planning

November - 18 months to go

With the not-an-engagement-party out of the way, the pressure is on to begin the real planning. Soonyoung agrees that a summer and a winter wedding are both off the table - weather too much of an extreme to be considered. That leaves spring and fall, both seasons beautiful in their own rights. Picking fall seems to be the better option, as it gives you a full year to really plan with it being mid-fall now, but you and Soonyoung are both enticed by the idea of getting married when the world is in full bloom.

If anything, you rationalize, it gives you more time to plan and make sure everything will be perfect. You pick a Saturday in early May, and now comes the task of hiring a planner. You and Soonyoung are both too busy to try and plan anything yourselves, and you know that Seungcheol and his husband had done nothing but sing the praises of the one they’d hired. You make a note to get her name from them when they come over for dinner the following week and shoot a text to your mom as Soonyoung does the same. It’ll be a long engagement - nearly two years - but it’ll be worth it.

“I’m excited.” you tell him, smiling as you lean into him on your couch. “We have a date. This is real.”

“Hey now.” he chides playfully, “It’s been real the whole time. Even if we didn’t get married for three years, it’d be real.”

“I know,” you laugh. “It just - setting a date makes everything feel so…solid.”

Soonyoung rubs your arm and nods. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

The first meeting with the planner goes spectacularly. She really understands the vision you’ve crafted in your head - and in numerous pinterest boards - and already has suggestions for venues and catering and florists.

Maybe planning the wedding wouldn’t be so hard with her on your side.

January - 16 months to go

You get a call from your planner early one Monday morning, telling you she wants to take you and your fiancé out on Saturday to look at some possible venues. She’s only selected ones available for your date, so there’s no issue of running into a scheduling conflict. All you and Soonyoung have to do is show up and say yes.

You meet up with her early Saturday morning, everyone with coffee in hand, and pile into her company SUV before hitting the road. She has a good number of places she thinks are good options, and the first few are right here in the city.

The first two are immediate “no”s. There’s just something about the spaces that even thinking about them dressed up just for you doesn’t feel right. You finish the tours and politely thank the managers before heading off to the third.

This is your first positive option - a botanical garden on the outskirts of the city that you and Soonyoung have been to before, and you’re surprised neither of you thought of it before. The idea of getting married here excites you both, especially when the event manager shows you pictures from previous weddings. It’s definitely a strong contender and when you leave you’re feeling much more hopeful than you were before.

The last two options are out of the city - hotels tucked away in smaller towns with sprawling lawns and beautiful gardens during the warmer months. The first is charming but possibly a bit small, and would require having their own team cater the festivities. You’re not against the idea, but you don’t want to miss out on anything by locking yourself down.

The second, however, is like something out of a dream.

Pulling up to the hotel itself feels like you’ve wandered onto the set of a movie. You can’t explain it - everything is beautiful even covered in snow, and as you’re lead through the gardens along the path you get more and more excited, squeezing Soonyoung’s hand and smiling at him brightly. The manager leads you out to the place most commonly used for the ceremony, and you can see why - the gazebo looks out onto a beautiful lake that must be even more beautiful in springtime. When you head back inside for coffee and a more detailed explanation of the packages available, you know you’re already sold. The pictures they show you both of previous events only proves to cement the choice in your mind.

You turn to Soonyoung and by the look on his face, you know you’re in agreement. He turns to the event manager and says, “We’ll take it. We’d love nothing more than to get married here.”

April - 13 months to go

“Why are there so many fucking types of font and paper for invitations? And for save the dates? Are save the dates really necessary?”

You and Soonyoung are seated in the bakery near your apartment, looking through stationary samples your planner had given you from her stationer of choice. There were so many, and the choice wasn’t made any easier when she reminded you that any sample could be changed to suit your color scheme and personal style. This seemed like it would be an easy choice right up until you’d been handed the binder.

You sigh as you flip slowly through the samples, Soonyoung’s head resting on your shoulder. “This is a big decision though, Soonie. Once we pick these, all the stationary will be taken care of - save the dates, invites, seating cards, menus, thank yous, everything. So much will be done just by picking…something.”

He huffs and takes a bite of the cookie he’s been picking at throughout this whole process, holding it up for you to bite at as well. You chew and flip to the next page and your whole face lights up.

“Soonie,” you say, voice full of excitement that causes him to lift his head from your shoulder to look at you directly. You tap the page, smiling at him wildly, “This one, Soonie, but in our colors. Wouldn’t it be perfect?”

Soonyoung squints down at the binder, reaching out to touch the cardstock as he surveys the design of it all, and nods. “The font, though - remember that font from the beginning we really liked? This style but that font, and our colors?” He slides the binder to his side of the table to flip back - making sure to use a thumb to mark the place that had excited you so much - until he found the set he’d been talking about. He’s right, when you look at it - it all seems perfect in your mind’s eye.

You take two sticky notes off the pad you’d brought along, writing ‘font’ on one and ‘style’ on another, sticking them on the pages you’d selected and closing the binder. You both sigh with relief, sagging back in your seats.

Setting your date so far out had seemed like a fine idea at first, until you realized it meant prolonging when you could actually sit down to plan and arrange certain things.

One step down - hundreds more to go.

June - 11 months to go

Dress shopping is much less magical than you ever hoped it would be.

You’re up early on a Saturday after a rough week at work and you’d much rather be back at home, snuggled and sleeping in Soonyoung’s arms. But you have numerous people coming into the city today just to come along on this experience with you, and you have appointments at bridal salons, so you can’t just cancel.

You have everyone meet you at the first store and they all look significantly more excited than you feel - but you’re hopeful that as the day goes on and you try on dresses, that will change. You’re not expecting to cry today, but who knows.

You spend the day in a flurry of white and cream and eggshell, even a few pinks on the palest end of the spectrum, but nothing is right. Every dress is beautiful - even the ones that end up not being beautiful on you - but none of them are giving you that feeling. Not a single dress has given you the sensation that you absolutely had to have it, none of them had made you sad to take it off.

Everyone had assured you it was more than normal to not fine The Dress in your first day. It was an important decision after all, one that much like your decision to marry Soonyoung would follow you for the rest of your life. You knew this might happen, but you can’t help but lose hope.

You’re at the last shop of the day when the salesperson helping you comes into the dressing room, a few new dresses folded over their arms. They smile at you soothingly, knowing already how frustrated the day has made you.

“I’ve brought you a few wild cards.” They say, helping you out of what you thought would be your last dress today. “If you’re too tired to try them on, I understand, of course. But I think you’ll like them.”

You take a deep breath and rub your temples. What’s a few more dresses. You nod and roll your shoulders, giving the go-ahead for for them to suit you up, so to speak.

Immediately the vibe changes. The material isn’t really any different from any of the dresses you’d put on earlier, but the moment it’s settled onto your body you know. There’s a very high chance you will leave this store having put a payment down on this dress.

The salesperson walks back out with you, taking care to make sure you didn’t trip over the hem. The moment your party sees you there are gasps, and screams, an “oh my god” or two and when you see yourself in the full length mirror, there are tears in your eyes. Turning carefully to face everyone, you can see that you’re not the only one.

“This is it.” you say, unable to keep yourself from laughing even through the tears. “This is the one, right? I’m not crazy, am I?”

“No!” comes the immediate response. Your mother and Soonyoung’s are both crying rather loudly, holding each other on the couch. You open your arms and they come toward you, careful to keep from crying onto the dress as they hug you. It’s only a matter of moments before your friends join, and you’re all standing there laughing and crying. They pull away from you and the salesperson holds a box of tissues out to you, smiling brightly.

“I take it this is the one, then?” they say, even though they seem to already know the answer.

“Yes.” you say, wiping tears from your face. “This is my dress. Absolutely.”

They nod and help you down off the pedestal and back towards the dressing room. You confide that you don’t want to take it off and they laugh. “That’s usually a good sign.” They help you out of it and put it back on the hanger, taking note of the serial number. “But one day you’ll be able to wear it whenever you want, and more importantly you’ll wear it to marry the love of your life. Isn’t that such a wonderful thing to look forward to?”

You start crying all over again. They’re unphased, handing you the tissues once more and saying that they’ll give you a minute to get dressed before finishing the appointment. You stand there, alone, surrounded by tulle and organza, tears flowing freely for a minute before you take a few deep breaths to steady yourself. You wipe your eyes and put your regular clothes back on, heading out to meet with everyone else.

You give your size and your phone number and whatever information they’ll need to contact you, and when you take out your checkbook out, you’re assured the dress has already been paid for. You turn incredulously to your mother, who instantly points to Soonyoung’s, who points back to yours. They look at each other and laugh, only telling you not to worry about it. You frown, telling them that you’d budgeted for this, you could pay for it. Both your parents and Soonyoung were already helping with wedding expenses, so you hadn’t anticipated this as well.

You’re overwhelmingly grateful for them. You wish you could do more than thank them.

When you express as much, they smile and tell you that you just have to make sure you and Soonyoung stay as happy together as you always have. That’s all they can ask for.

You don’t cry again, no matter what anyone says. You absolutely do not cry - your eyes are naturally very wet.

Later, when you’re home and tucked into Soonyoung’s arms, you tell him how lucky the two of you are - not only to have each other, but to have families who love you and have the means to help you.

“I take it dress shopping went well, then?” he asks, tucking a loose piece of hair behind your ear. You nod and lay your head against his chest.

“I can’t wait for you to see it.” You say thoughtfully. “I think you’ll cry.”

He hums, and then laughs. You look up at him, eyebrows quirked in a question mark, and he explains. “I was gonna say something cheesy like ‘you could come down the aisle in a potato sack and I’d probably cry’ but then I actually like, imagined it, and I couldn’t help but laugh. So I think as long as your dress isn’t a potato sack, I’ll probably cry.”

You laugh with him when you imagine it as well, hitting him playfully.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

October - 7 Months To Go

With the dress secured, things seem to move along much easier. The guest list is finalized, save the dates are sent, a photographer, a caterer and a florist are all hired, bridesmaid dresses are ordered with as little fuss as can be managed. Hotel rooms are reserved, the bridal suite in particular, more and more appointments are made for things that can only be done in the few months before the wedding.

There had been a little snag with the photographer - Soonyoung’s friend Minghao, upon hearing you were looking for photographers, had been politely miffed that you hadn’t called him. It was his profession, after all, and you were his friends. You promised that he was of course your first choice, but you wanted him to be there as a guest, not to work.

“Also, you’re in the wedding party.” Soonyoung had reminded him. “So it would be a little difficult for you to shoot it.” Minghao’s ears had gone only slightly red at this, but he did offer up some names that hadn’t been in your planner’s list.

“They’re really good but need exposure, so you’ll get a better deal. Plus I’ll be able to check in with them if need be.”

You and Soonyoung ponder over whether it’s a good idea to hire someone who hasn’t done a wedding before, even with Minghao’s promise of checking in, but after meeting with one of them and doing some test shots, you agree that she’s who you want to hire and give her name to your planner.

January - Four Months to go

Soonyoung’s not really used to being the center of attention, but this is of course the case when the time comes for tux fittings. He’s having his made just for the wedding, and it’s nothing like the experience he’s had renting in the past.

He stands in a small dressing room while older men take his measurements and adjust his body this way and that to account for the way his body needs to move on the day of. They get him into a model in one of the colors that he’s chosen - something to align with the color scheme of the wedding. It’s a spring wedding and while Soonyoung looks fantastic in black, you and he had agreed something lighter would be nice.

He goes out to show the people he’s brought along - Seungcheol and Minghao are here, as well as Junhui, Seungkwan and of course the best men, Seokmin and Jihoon. Only missing are Chan and Wonwoo.

The response is, as expected, lots of annoyingly loud wolf whistles and hollers as he steps out. They’re not wrong, of course - he looks good and it’ll only look better when the suit is fitted just for him. Minghao stands to get a closer inspection and takes a few photos with his phone, showing the others before showing Soonyoung as well. The suit photographs well, apparently, something Soonyoung hadn’t particularly been worried about but is definitely a plus.

His jacket gets passed around to see if the color suits more than just Soonyoung - even though they’ll only be wearing the pants and not matching Soonyoung entirely. It’s quickly decided that this will be what he wears, followed by picking out ties and a shirt to match, and deciding after some discussion for the groomsmen to wear something different from Soonyoung. Matching ties and shoes with Soonyoung would suffice as long as all the party had the same look, with the addition of vests for the best men. Deciding those could be rented elsewhere, Soonyoung’s suit and the ties are all ordered and it’s off to lunch before they set out for the rentals. Normally Soonyoung would trust his friends to do this themselves, but you had requested he go along to be sure things were all the same and everyone was happy.

Once they’re inside Soonyoung realizes you were right - the men quickly spread across the store, grabbing things and suggesting them to Soonyoung. He’s quickly overwhelmed and Seokmin notices immediately, quickly instructing everyone to put their things back so Soonyoung could browse the store himself. It was his wedding after all. Soonyoung sags with relief and walks through the racks slowly, grabbing things here and there he thought would look nice but not clash against his suit. Minghao walked with him, not suggesting anything but giving comments when Soonyoung asked his opinion, holding Soonyoung’s phone with the pictures of the suit pulled up.

Eventually they get some of them into a dressing room to try things on and a decision is made, a text put into the groomsmen group chat for Chan and Wonwoo to let them know the details for them to drop by later the upcoming week to make their own arrangements.

Everyone goes home for the night, and Soonyoung comes home to you at the stove, prepping dinner. He wraps his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder and sighing deeply.

“That bad?” you ask, smiling and pulling one of his hands up to kiss it before setting it back at your waist.

“Not until we got to the rental place.” he squeezes you before letting go so he could press a kiss to your cheek and hop onto the counter. “Suddenly everyone was everywhere and shoving pants in my face until Seokmin was like ‘hey, why don’t we let him pick stuff out since it’s his wedding’. Went much smoother after that. Everyone but Chan and Wonwoo are taken care of. Did you like the pictures I sent?”

“Yeah, babe.” You smile up at him. “Can you grab the milk for me?”

He hops off the counter to do as you ask, pouting. “You’re not gonna tell me I looked good?”

You laugh and take the milk, pouring it into the pan before handing it back to him. “You looked so good, Soonie. You’re gonna look great when it’s all fitted just for you.” You kiss his pout when he leans in, pointedly, before turning back to dinner.

Eating so much cake at 9:30 in the morning was never a good idea, particularly with Soonyoung. Neither of you had eaten anything before the cake, something you regretted almost immediately when the sugar rushing through your systems ended in a crash on your way to a second bakery.

“We have to get lunch, Soonyoung.” you beg, “I can’t stomach ten more bites of cake without actual food in my stomach.”

He agrees and since it’s on the way, you stop at the bakery near your apartment. You’re waiting for your food when you realize something - a bakery. You turn to Soonyoung, whispering excitedly under your breath, “Do you think they do wedding cakes, Soonie?”

His eyes go wide and his mouth drops open. You’d been coming here for years and yet neither of you had ever considered coming here - you knew they made simple cakes, but the focus was on breads and pastries, things made in batches. You go back up to the register, greeted once more by a cashier who knew both you and Soonyoung by name, had worked here almost as long as you had been coming here.

“I have a question.”

“Of course, what’s up?”

“Do you guys do wedding cakes?”

Her eyes go wide, and she thinks for a moment. “Not often, but I’m sure if I tell the owners it’s yours, they’ll be more than happy to.”

You smile brightly - you’d met the owners a few times and they were lovely people who lived in an apartment above the bakery. She steps away to call them and tells you they’ll be down in just a few minutes to talk to you and Soonyoung. She’s smiling, so you’re sure this is going to work out. You and Soonyoung take your food and sit, and he calls the other bakery to say you’d come down with a stomach bug and would call to reschedule.

The owners meet with you a few minutes later, joining you and Soonyoung at your table. They tell you that they can make wedding cakes, and would be more than happy to make yours, but they can only do things that are stylistically on the simple side. You assure them that you don’t want anything spectacular anyway, maybe the icing of each layer a different color, some simple piping. It’s more about the way the cake tastes. You and Soonyoung agree to come in later that week, after work, to have a tasting and talk more about design.

You finish your lunch and head home, and neither you nor Soonyoung can stop smiling. Things are coming together quite nicely - the dinner, the cake, the flowers? All taken care of, now. Your rings have been picked out and ordered, the setlist for the DJ has been started, you’ve both begun writing your vows. Every day more and more pieces come together, every day this vision you and Soonyoung have created becomes more and more real.

March - Two Months to Go

Invitations are sent out, and with only two-ish months to go, things are getting somehow less real. It seems insane that the day you’ve spent so long planning is a little less than eight weeks away - even though the planning has gone surprisingly smooth, and everything is in order, as the date looms closer you feel like you should be getting more and more excited.

You bring it up to Soonyoung one night as you sit together - but separately - writing your vows.

“Soonie, do you feel like…it’s like, as we get closer to getting married, things seem less real. Does that make sense?”

Soonyoung looks up from his notebook and taps his lip with his pen. “No, I get that. I’ve been kind of feeling the same way. I bet it’ll go up til like, right before the wedding, and then everything will feel too real. And then day of it’ll go right back to feeling like a dream.”

You groan, about to say something when your phone chimes - Soonyoung’s does too, from the kitchen. You swipe across the screen, getting up to grab your laptop.

“Three more RSVPs from mom.” you say when Soonyoung moves to check his own phone. “She sent the names to the group chat.”

“Ah, okay.”

More and more RSVPs pour in during the following days and weeks, and it leads to numerous night huddled over a seating chart with both your mothers on the phone to ensure family members would keep the peace.

April - Three Weeks To Go

Your day to day has become little more than check ins and spreadsheets and phone calls with your planner as things get down to the wire. Everything is still going to just to plan, there’s just a lot of details for you and Soonyoung to finalize. It’s tiring and you feel a little bombarded at all ends, but you both know how worth it everything will be. You keep each other sane and at the end of the day, that’s what matters.

You have a bridal shower and after that comes the bachelor and bachelorette parties, which leave you and Soonyoung both monstrously hungover the following morning, asleep until nearly two and feeling like no amount of greasy food or coffee or advil can save you.

May - One Week to Go

Every night before bed, you and Soonyoung practice your waltz. You weren’t graced with his natural abilities, and the last thing you want to do is trip all over your dress and also Soonyoung. It’s a good way to break in your new shoes, as well. He says you’re getting better, and while you’re not sure, you trust him to keep you from looking too foolish.

Three Days to Go

You feel like one giant ball of trembling nerves. What if you mess up? What if you trip down the aisle? What if you forget something important, like the license, or the rings, or someone unexpected shows up?

Soonyoung, bless him, can always tell when you’re letting yourself get too worked up. Even apart, he seems to know just when to text you a picture of some ridiculous shirt his favorite student wore, or how the chocolate chips in his cookie look like a face, or any number of other silly things that remind you how much you love him and how excited you are for the wedding. So excited to marry him.

And when you’re together, he’ll take whatever your holding from your hands and set it down so he can take you into his arms, squeezing you tight and running a hand up and down your back until you relax. “Everything is going to be fine.” He’ll whisper. “At the end of the day, we’re going to be married. That’s all we need to worry about.”

The Day Before

You and Soonyoung drive out to the hotel for the rehearsal dinner, both of you mentioning how strange it’s going to feel spending the night apart for the first time in so long. You’ve relied on each other heavily for the last few weeks, keeping each other comforted and sane. You remind yourself that at this point, everything is essentially out of your hands. Worrying will get you nothing but a bad night’s sleep.

The rehearsal goes smoothly, thankfully, and your planner lets you know that everything is all set for the following day. Her team will be out early the next morning to handle setup and deliveries and all you need to worry about is getting some sleep and saying “I do.” Everything else will be taken care of.

Soonyoung walks you to your room - on the other side of the floor from his - and kisses you goodnight at the door. “We won’t be apart that long.” He tells you, rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks. “We’ll wake up and find our way back to each other right at the perfect moment. I promise I’ll cry when you come down the aisle, okay?”

You laugh and he kisses you again as you go through the door.

“I love you.” you tell him softly as you close the door.

“I love you.” he responds, his back turned to you as he makes his way to his room.

If you make your way into his bed later that night, promises on both your lips to wake early enough that you can slip back to your own room, no one else has to know.

The Wedding

You make it back to your room, unnoticed, with just enough time before your bridal party arrives with breakfast and coffee and mimosas, looking tired from the early hour but so happy to be a part of this day with you. Once the hair and makeup team arrive, there are too many things happening for you to even notice them all so you stop trying. If someone needs your attention specifically, they can ask for it.

You can only imagine that the prep Soonyoung is going through across the floor is much less extensive - he and his party most likely slept much longer and are only getting together now, whereas you’re sitting in a chair with your face half-done, eating one of the pastries left over from breakfast while your hair is brushed and styled to perfection.

In a flash, the time has come. All that’s left is your dress, which your party helps you into and makes sure everything is as it should be. Someone from your planner’s team comes to collect you and, hands shaking, you follow them out of the room and across the hotel to where numerous people are gathered overseeing this and that all for your wedding.

Your party lines up with Soonyoung’s, headed off by the flower girl and the ring bearer, and you can feel yourself already starting to tear up. You’re at the back of the line with your father and he hears you sniffle, looking down at you with kind eyes.

“Don’t cry now, sweetheart.” He whispers, squeezing your hand. “You’ve barely made it to the good part.”

You laugh. “Tell me something funny from you and mom’s wedding.”

He hums as the two of you slowly step forward as more people make their way up to the altar. “We were married by a friend of ours, but later we found out he wasn’t actually ordained. He felt so bad - there had been some steps in his renewal that he’d missed, so his license was expired.”

“That’s not funny at all?” you gasp, immediately thinking of your own officiant - your planner had handled that when you had expressed no interest in hiring anyone in particular, and he’d been a lovely man when you’d met him. You were sure everything was fine.

“That’s true.” your father considers. “But you stopped tearing up, and now look. It’s your turn.”

You realize that he’s right. He’d distracted you just long enough that you’d reached the end of the aisle, and you could see Soonyoung standing at the other end waiting for you. People stand on either side of the runner, but Soonyoung is all you can see. He’s smiling that wide grin of his that you love so much, and your heart is so full you’re sure you’ll have to burst with it. The closer you get you can see that he’s already crying and off-handedly you think about the promise he made you the night before.

Soonyoung thanks your father and takes your hand, leading you up into the gazebo where the two of you exchange vows and love and tears, holding each others’ hands so tightly as the officiant reads the poems and passages you selected before the pronouncement is made.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Soonyoung lifts your veil with shaking hands and you take his face into your own, wiping at his wet cheeks with your thumbs. He leans in and you lean forward and the crowd erupts as your lips touch, but all you can focus on is the man in front of you and how much you love him, how this kiss is the first of many to come in your marriage, the way his hands feel as they wrap around your waist and pull you closer.

You separate and Soonyoung bursts into fresh tears, blubbering as he tells you how beautiful you look. You laugh, wet with your own tears, wiping his cheeks.

“Let’s go have a moment to ourselves, okay, Soonie?”

He nods and you take each others’ hands, walking back down the aisle together. You retrieve a handful of tissues from the planner, who reminds you that the photographer will be around in about ten minutes for pictures on the property before you and your husband head inside for the reception.

You lead Soonyoung down the path to the next gazebo in sight, swinging your hands between you. He takes a seat and you wipe his face, despite his attempts to take the tissues from you to do it himself.

“You shouldn’t have to-” he tries to say, but you tut at him and he stops.

“Let me take care of my husband, Soonyoung.” He beams at your use of the word, pulling you down to kiss you softly.

“I love you.” he whispers. “My wife.”

“I love you too, Soonie.” you whisper back. “I think we should head back.”

He nods and stands, smacking his cheeks a few times - only lightly - as if willing any future swelling and puffiness not to come up.

Photographs are taken and you all head inside where you’re welcomed as the “Brand New Mr. and Mrs. Kwon Soonyoung.”

You have your first dance and then Soonyoung surprises you with a choreographed dance of his own to one of your favorite songs. The whole room laughs, and so do you, and Soonyoung pulls you up to dance with him as the music fades and the DJ calls for everyone to join you on the dance floor.

Everything is perfect. The flowers, the food, the cake, the way the ceremony space had been decorated. You couldn’t ask for anything more. Everything you’ve spent so long planning blooms in perfect fruition and it’s more than you could have ever hoped for.

Everyone’s speeches are moving and perfect and Soonyoung and Seokmin both get through theirs with minimal tears, and even Jihoon recites a poem he’s written just for the two of you, sitting down promptly afterwards as you and Soonyoung cry.

When everything ends, and Soonyoung stands by your side as you say goodbye and thank everyone for coming, it’s perfect.

It’s perfect, he’s perfect, and you’ve never been so happy.

#kwon soonyoung #seventeen #seventeen fanfic #svt soonyoung #svt hoshi #seventeen hoshi #seventeen soonyoung #seventeen imagines #fluff #romance #wedding fic #friends to lovers #seventeen fluff #laffy taffy

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