#but it's difficult bc i've been living like this for 5 years

[skunkg1rll]

🐕🧸🪟🕯️

[mammalsofaction]

HUMAN PERRY AU BACKSTORY

I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about Human Perry headcanons as I read a bunch of fic and rewatch phineas and ferb. You know you're hitting the nail on the head when scenes from a fic you might never write dog your every waking step and haunts your dreams so, I thought putting it on paper will help.

A lot of fics like to suggest that Perry's full name is Peregrine, which is understandable, but ever since I've rewatched 2D and found out their first name for him was actually Bartholomew my life was never the same. So Perry's actual name is Bartholomew. But nobody actually calls him that least of all himself.

FAMILY RELATIONS

-I really like winding headcanons that Perry is Ferb's biological mom's BROTHER, which honestly makes so much sense as to why both he and Ferb have green hair. Here are some add-ons that may get depressing;

Ferb's mom was Eve, or Evelyn. Her codename was E, for Echidna...because egg-laying mammals native to Australia. They were both orphans, and attached to the hip. They were each other's partner in crime.

-They were scouted for OWCA one day, bc the agency liked picking up kids with potential as young as possible. So Perry and Eve were trained for the agency since the start (which is why Perry is such a good agent at what seems to be a young age)

MY HEADCANONS FOR OWCA

-Owca is a largely independent authoritarian enterprise with branches all over the world. They aren't the only ones, obviously.

-OWCA also prefers training agents as early as they could. Sometimes that entails scouting talent. Sometimes that means taking in kids of employed agents. Either way, this means OWCA has elementary and high schools that are more akin to militant training camps. It's not cruel. The kids are well cared for and well fed, but OWCA prioritized competency, obedience and discipline.

On every level of OWCA recruitment, training and employment, there is a fedora, and band to mark whichever level you are on the totem pole.

1) Middle school kids are given a bandless fedora.

2) High school kids (soon to be graduates) are given a white band

3) Fresh graduates, training into full employment, are Yellow Bands. Here you start being assigned to full branches, and trained by field work professionals. Think OWCA Files.

4) It's fairly easy to graduate from Yellow Band into a Purple Band. Purple Bands are largely refereed to as Junior Agents, but that's not quite accurate. Purple Bands are the highest reporting authority in any division that ISN'T FIELD WORK. The OWCA Tech, Clerks, RnD and Science Divisions all have Purple Bands to signify they are fully employed, or Superior Officer. Pinky has a Purple Band.

5) It's VERY DIFFICULT to graduate from a Purple Band to a Black Band, not least because there IS NO PREDETERMINED TEST. Black Band agents are Superior Agents, only one level below Division General. There's no telling what could turn you from a Purple to a Black, because the agent has to prove unwavering obedience and faith to the agency in dire circumstances. It's saying "I am willing to do anything for the Greater Good."  Often it entails a death of some sort. OWCA often says Black is the band soaked in blood. Black Band agents have licenses to kill. It's why Black Band Agents are few and precious far in between.

6) After a black band, and you live long enough to retire, you can choose a bunch of things. Most agents choose to become Division Generals or Branch Managers: think Major Monogram. They're basically glorified "Guy in the Chair". Some agents choose to become educators, in which case they are given White Fedoras. White fedoras arent exclusive to black bands though; there are plenty purple band white fedoras. In fact most educators are purple band white fedoras.

-Perry's Black Band Event was Eve's death

-At the time of Eve's death, she had already been married to Lawrence. Ferb was barely a year old, maybe 10 months old?

-Lawrence was told it was a car accident: drunk driver. Truthfully it was a mission gone wrong, involving an underground child trafficking ring, and she stayed behind to give them all the chance to escape. She didn't have the chance to escape when security explosives around the building detonated, and she got caught in the crossfire. Perry had to leave her behind.

-This is why Perry refused to get a partner btw, aka his Lone Wolf tendencies come from.

-In the aftermath, OWCA agents approached the family to give them their condolences, and offer to take Ferb into the fold. For the first time since Eve's death, Perry practically lost it. He didn't hurt anyone, he's much too professional, but he knew Eve didn't want Ferb to get wrapped up in OWCA, and for good fucking reason. Due to their training, neither he nor Eve had much of a childhood, and he refused to subject Ferb to the same kind of life experience.

OWCA was NOT happy. Things were tetchy for a while, at least until Perry was approached by Major Monogram. Francis had a wife, and a son, and he understood where Perry was coming from. He suggested taking a permanent residence in Danville, which was his branch division. It was more stability than Perry ever had working in England, where he and Eve was originally stationed, and it was easy enough to come up with a work-related story to convince Lawrence, who was more than ready enough to leave the house where he and Eve originally lived.

-It was after moving did Lawrence meet and fall in love with Linda.

Edit; I've decided to change Ferb's bio mom's name bc I found something that fits better to me :) She's Eve now

End Backstory.

[alexilulu]

Made the extremely difficult decision to remove a podcast and it's patreon feed from my podcast app. Please clap.

I've enjoyed my time with it over the years and I've kept my patreon sub for the group bc I like their work and I can spare a grande starbs (Starbucks natch) for them but it's time to admit I don't really feel the spark anymore that had me coming back like I used to. I had like 60 episodes I needed to churn through and each episode is a minimum of 2 and often upwards of 4 hours. It just wasn't gonna ever happen barring some kind of crazy circumstance like my ipod dying or something.

Also I rebuilt an ipod with a 256gb microsd board and a gigantic 4x larger battery and replaced all the music I owned in lossless formats in like February so I've just been listening to that most of the time at work so that backlog was just getting longer. Don't need to live my life feeling like I'm obligated to consume content all day (I say with headphones on for 5+ hours a day).

[redrocketpanda]

Hi friends. I'm having a real bad time at the moment, and unfortunately all of the people I'm close to that I turn to for support are all unavailable at the same time so I'm gonna just post some sad feelings here and hope that will suffice for my brain for now

At the start of April I was told I was being made redundant & my final day would be the 31st May. That day is now tomorrow and I haven't found another job. I had 5 different opportunities come up that looked really promising but each time they came to nothing (for various reasons)

I live on my own, am estranged from most of my family, and have no financial support from anyone has been... more stressful than I can convey. The idea that very soon I might lose my home and this little life I had built for myself has been making me feel so ill. Every night I have nightmares, I feel constantly sick, my body is in pain from all the stress, I either want to cry all the time or have to turn my emotions off so that I can get through the day.

I had a very difficult conversation with my boyfriend who said he would live with me for a little while before we planned to move in with each other properly at the end of the year, but when talking to him his financial situation isn't great or very flexible either so that may not be possible. My friends have also said I could stay with them if I need to but I'm not sure how that would work as they don't live in the same city as me, etc

I know that the only way out of this situation is to keep applying for jobs - but I feel so battered from the whiplash of the 5 other opportunities that let me down, I'm so scared that concentrating on anything has been almost impossible, and applying for jobs is exhausting

I didn't even want to get out of bed today bc it feels like there's nothing to get up for... all I've ever wanted in my life is stability - I just want a little home and a little job and to be able to go out with my friends and play gamed, and that's it - and tbh I'm worried I'm never going to get it. I'm 32 years old and my entire life has been fraught with crises' and stress and utter shit. And I'm just so fucking tired of it

[blood-mocha-latte]

fic writer interview

tagged by the lovely @almost-a-class-act <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

12 and i would Die for 8 of them lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

261,972

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

fics i wrote for therapy purposes lmao

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

always always always. sometimes it takes me Forever but there Will be a response and it Will be slightly insane <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

probably the speirton bonnie and clyde au. which, like, ambiguous ending, but still Sad i suppose

What the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

my Favorite happy ending i wrote was for the loosier fic, but i'm also biased because i loved writing it lmao

Do you write crossovers?

not really lol. in the hbowar fandom i feel it's slightly easier to write organically so i'm not opposed to it on premise, but i feel it'd be difficult to write different personalities convincingly

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes yes yes yes absolutely. not for a couple of years but i've lived a colorful life

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

indeed! however, there are Very Specific Conditions that i must follow because otherwise i will lose my fucking mind

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i mean...... i hope not........

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

my wife doesn't have an ao3 (she's a moocher) but she wrote a large chunk of the speirton bonnie and clyde au and breathed a plot into it so. that's definitely a joint effort

What's your all-time favorite ship?

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

i never say never but there's a good chance the webgott pulp fiction au will never see the light of day. it's a rebellious teenager

What are your writing strengths?

god i don't even know. pacing and homosexuality. does that count

What are your writing weaknesses?

yes

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i grew up speaking two languages and i think it's sort of impacted my writing where I Do Not Like not getting to write other languages in fics bc like!!! what about the inherent joy of communication through all sorts of worlds??? so. very much in favor

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the fucking GREAT ESCAPE movie i'm not even kidding. for my beautiful bride when we were eighteen

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

hashey/garcia is my White Whale and i will build them up from the ground with my own two hands. just gimme the time and mental stability here i come

What's your favorite fic you've written?

the entire little talks luztoye series is completely written, almost 300k, and my Childe, but i'd say the third instalment which has. yet to be posted is the best fic i've ever written. granted i wrote most of it when my wife was in the hospital by hand at night and haven't reread it so it might be garbage, but i still love it with all mah heart

not tagging anyone because i think everyone under the earth has been tagged, but if one of y'all hasn't this is your cue to do this and tag me. ily.

[babblable]

So, I'm not deaf(?), but I just bought some hearing amplifiers because I'm poor and tired and figured I needed *something* to tide me over until I talk to my doctor on the 5 of August. Why did I do this? Well, over the years of my life I have suffered a lot of trauma, from my mother screaming at me for "ignoring" her and asking "what?" too much- to teachers doing the same thing for the same reason, all the way up til now, as an adult in a safe environment with unfortunately declining health in various ways due to childhood neglect, still asking those questions but getting affirmed with a repeated answer or a gentle "did you hear me?" Followed by a repeated answer if I responded to that with "no"! But!!! Because I've been able to hear 75% of things- level and quality of hearing those things having constantly been claimed unimportant by the adults throughout my childhood- I've just come to believe that my hearing is Fine and I'm just "being difficult".

Apparently, that was wrong and I only found this out because I work at a call center now and before a couple days ago, we shared desks.

And my deskmate? A small little elderly lady with no problems with her hearing.

I noticed one day that she always had the volume turned to half on the phone. Meanwhile, me, believing that my hearing Totally and Completely Fine, had to turn the phone volume to MAX and I STILL struggled to hear the customers who'd call in.

After a week of this, I decided "fuck it" and bought a pair of hearing amps on a whim.

Y'all when I say I was blown away by the fact that the world is so much more noisy, I wasn't joking.

I thought that there was Silence outside when I'd pick up delivery orders, outside of the occasional car passing by of course.

But no. No no. My best friend, @chuubifrog, had to tell me that Silence Does Not Exist when I asked him about it and that the humming I was hearing now when going outside is a mixture of the wind, the cars from the highway which is more than 500ft from our house, the entire neighborhoods A/C units, a wind chime from a neighbor down the street and a cricket somewhere nearby.

"W. what the fuck do you MEAN there is no Silence???"

"I'm honestly surprised you've experienced Silence at all. This is what the world sounds like."

"no fucking wonder everyone's always so angry."

I ALSO LEARNED that SODA fizz makes a noise! That I was always thought of as being aggressive or giving an attitude because it sounded like I was slamming things when really, I THOUGHT I was being GENTLE based off the noise of what I was "slamming".

I learned that the dog we have isn't just annoying to hear scrambling throughout the house bc of his nails, but downright painful to hear. I learned that the vents at work are so loud I can't hear myself think very well and I'm m surprised that we all manage to speak over it.

I learned that the reason my mother and other people I live with tell me to turn things down so often is because I couldn't hear it unless it was loud, and that it was REALLY disruptive to everyone else!

I learned that my phone is fine, actually! It's NOT busted because I had to talk to people on speaker and have it close to ears to hear it on max volume! I just couldn't hear in general.

And so, I realize now that so many issues I had growing up would have been so easily solved if the adults around me had bothered to listen when I said "I can sort of hear it...(But not very well)" or "I can't hear it.." instead of playing the noise again and making me "focus" on it really hard, often times resulting in their increased anger when the answer remained the same, I chose to lie to please them or they gave up, claimed I was being difficult and marked me as having perfect hearing.

I walk a line, apparently. And that line is "not enough to be marked as disabled, but too disabled have good quality of life without aid". It isn't the phrasing I wanted, but it's what my brain could put together.

And I am now conflicted between the euphoria of being able to hear all the things that I couldn't hear before, being overloaded sensory-wise and sadness as I sit here wondering why it took 26 years of abuse, neglect, a safer environment, an elderly coworker sharing my desk and a really cheap set of knock off hearing aids for me to realize that I'm hard of hearing.

I'm choosing to see the bright side, but I'm also going to ask my doctor about it on the 5th.

For anyone else who may think they might be HOH because of similar reasons, try out a cheap set of hearing amplifiers from Walmart or something. If you can hear the wind or the soda fizz with them on after years of Silence, then you should ask your doctor about the subject.

[pansyboybloom]

asking this off anon bc im going to try and sound as genuine and non-argumentative as possible because i just genuinely want to know your views and such, and im just trying to have an actual conversation about this instead of being a dick bc that helps nobody

in a reply to an ask you said that theres no "systemic" transmisandry/transandrophobia/etc- what would you call the specific act of trans men being denied reproductive care such as abortions/birth control/etc because of their "newfound maleness"? is that not a specific type of transphobia that only transgender men face?

another thing is that there have been black butches/trans men (@/doberbutts is someone who has been most vocal about it) who have expressed how differently theyve been treated when being seen as black women vs black men- im on mobile so its difficult for me to find rn but he had a post where there were dozens upon dozens of black folks sharing their stories about that experience. is that not an aspect of transandrophobia?

theres also the hyperinvisibility of trans men, the "little girls cutting off their breasts" rhetoric, jk rowlings entire terf wars essay which just misgenders and belittles autistic trans men, and thats just off the top of my head for things that specifically affect trans men

i see many people say that "transandrophobia is just transphobia" or "its just transphobia and misogyny" and it bothers me that instead of giving examples of targetted transphobia against trans men, a lot of folks who disagree with that will just say "well you saying that is transandrophobia!". which isnt an actual argument! so thats why i wanted to say something bc its not something i see brought up very often.

okay as i have said on every ask , i just like to establish first each time: i am schizoaffective and have a very hard time articulating myself, so i promise none of what i say is aggressive and if it comes off as so that is not my intent, my brains just fucked. im gonna break this down into chunks to hopefully make it easier to manage, as i can be uh. long winded haha. this got LONG so it's going under a cut!

in a reply to an ask you said that theres no "systemic" transmisandry/transandrophobia/etc- what would you call the specific act of trans men being denied reproductive care such as abortions/birth control/etc because of their "newfound maleness"? is that not a specific type of transphobia that only transgender men face?

so in a (non-mean! ) way i actually laughed at this one bc im dealing with this right now. i want to get my legal sex changed, but I've also been dealing with some down there stuff and a potential cyst and random bleeding despite like 5 years on t, so i need an ultrasound and repeated visits to a gyno. so, i need to use insurance, but if i change my sex, they won't cover it. and i have another, longer-term problem: i want bio kids, badly. but i also want phallo. to get phallo, i need to have lived legally as a male for a given number of years, but in getting pregnant, ill have to deal with much harder insurance problems with an M on my certificate. So, i understand that these are very, very real problems! However, medical malpractice and discrimination aren't a trans male-only issue.

Trans women also deal with medical things being denied to them. One particularly horrid example is cancer screenings. Trans women can get breast cancer and prostate cancer, but have a hard time getting screening, or even treatment, for one or the other (or both!) covered depending on what's on their birth certificate/legal sex. So, this is discrimination we absolutely share, just in different ways. That's why I would refer to it as medical transphobia as a whole.

Also, I would argue it is tied to misogyny, not 'misandery'. I think a lot of what trans men face is, as i call it, 'lingering' misogyny. Because we are still viewed as women by many, we are treated as such and are impacted by their sexism, like medical abuse and malpractice.

Now this isn't the same as transmisogyny. That particular term was coined by Julia Serano and means (this is a mouthful, get ready) "sexism [towards trans women] that arises out of a synergetic interaction between oppositional sexism [sexism that is rooted in the presumption that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive, “opposite” sexes, each possessing a unique and non-overlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires] and traditional sexism. It accounts for [...] why trans women face [a specific form] of sexualization and misogyny." basically, in layman's terms, a type of sexism that comes from the interaction between a very specific, binarist and essentialist form of transphobia and 'basic' misogyny.

(that's another reason why i dont like 'transmisandery/androphobia' as the 'opposite' or 'male form' of transmisogyny. transmisogyny doesn't mean misogyny trans women face. it is far more complex than that!)

another thing is that there have been black butches/trans men (@/doberbutts is someone who has been most vocal about it) who have expressed how differently theyve been treated when being seen as black women vs black men- im on mobile so its difficult for me to find rn but he had a post where there were dozens upon dozens of black folks sharing their stories about that experience. is that not an aspect of transandrophobia?

this is something i won't speak much on, as I am white, so i feel my opinion isn't really appropriate to give. but it does remind me-- absolutely not saying it's the same, or to the same degree of severity, just reminds me-- of how I've been seen differently as a fat person. i am treated with vastly different versions of disgust, sexualization, expectation, aggression, etc as a fat man now than i did as a fat woman-- especially in getting treatment for anorexia and bulimia. but i feel like defining that as 'male-specific fatphobia' creates a binary that grossly oversimplifies the culture and systematic abuse that causes fatphobia. once again, not the same as anti-Blackness, not the same degree of abuse in any way shape, or form, especially since there is a lot of cultural and sociological context there that i am not privy to.

theres also the hyperinvisibility of trans men, the "little girls cutting off their breasts" rhetoric, jk rowlings entire terf wars essay which just misgenders and belittles autistic trans men, and thats just off the top of my head for things that specifically affect trans men

i have talked about most of these and the narrative of the delusional little girl before, and have a quote by Julia Serano (and two other trans men quoted inside it) that i really like, so I'll post some of that here.

The quote:

There is most certainly a connection between the values given between men and women in our culture, and the media's fascination with depicting trans women rather than trans men [...] Although the number of people transitioning in each direction is relatively equal these days, media coverage would have you believe there is a huge disparity in the populations of trans men and women. Jamison Green, a trans man who authored a 1994 report that led to the city of San Francisco's decision to extend its civil rights protections to include gender identity, once said this about the media coverage of that event: "Several times at the courthouse, when the press was doing interviews, I stood by and listened as reporters inquired who wrote the report. And when I was pointed out to them as the author, I could see them looking right through me, looking past me to find the man in a dress who must have wrote the report and who they would want to interview. More than once, a reporter asked me incredulously 'You wrote the report?' They assumed that because of my 'normal' appearance, that I wouldn't be newsworthy." Indeed. The media tend not to notice, or outright ignore, trans men because they are unable to sensationalize them the way they do trans women without bringing masculinity itself into question. And in a world where modern psychology was founded on the teaching that 'all little girls suffer from penis envy,' most people think striving for masculinity is a perfectly reasonable goal. Author and sex activist, Patrick Califia, who is a trans man, addresses this in his 1997 book 'Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism'. "It seems the world is still more titillated by a man who wants to be a woman than it is by a woman who wants to become a man. The first is scandalous, the latter is taken for granted. This reflects the very different levels of privilege men and women have in our society. Of course, women would want to be men, the general attitude seems to be, and of course, they can't, and that's that." - Julia Serano (and quoted, Jamison Green and Patrick Califia) on the relationships between trans women and men's visibility in the media, as part of her essay, Skirt Chasers: Why the Media Depicts Trans Revolution in Lipstick and Heels, found in chapter 2 of her book, Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Feminism and the Scapegoating of Femininity (2nd. Edition)

The two posts:

in regards to that last quote: i think that comes down to why i don't believe the reason trans men are punished for 'becoming' men is because of hate for the masculinity they are becoming. a trans woman is punished for leaving behind manhood and treated with disgust for adopting femalehood because purposefully abandoning the ideal and powerful in society (men) to become the despised and weak in society (women) is 'unbelievably unnatural' and dangerous to the structure of society. the lamb eating the lion, the child killing the parent. not the same exactly, but i think it's a similar reason as to why feminine gay/gnc/etc men are called 'pansies' and 'sissies' and such, they are abandoning masculinity for femininity which is Disgusting and Wrong. Not the same obviously, but coming from the same general hierarchy.

trans men, on the other hand, are reaching for that 'ideal'. we are trying to leave behind the despised and weak, and that's so silly, so pathetic, you stupid little girl, you really think you can be the top in society? that's why radfems and similar 'feminists' say we are betraying our sex; they see it as leaving behind safety (women) for the enemy (men). to them, we are leaving them to rot in alone womanhood while we try to become the privileged ones stepping on their necks. this is also why the narrative surrounding trans women is predatory and sexual-- women only have power through sex, so a man would only want to leave manhood for sexual gratification-- while the narrative for us is that we are pathetic and tricked. women are stupid and delusional if they believe they could ever leave behind our oppression for privilege, so obviously it must be outside influence to give us such ridiculous ideas.

and

and like, building on top of last post: that's why i don't see me being discriminated against as a trans man as something uniquely tied to anti-maleness / misandery/ androphobia / etc, but instead, just a facet of transphobia and misogyny (as well as ableism and such for me personally, but im talking bigger picture). I'm seen as a ruined woman because i betrayed gender roles. to them, im not transitioning because i am, ya know, actually a man, instead, i'm purposefully clawing my way out of the pit and hightailing it to the top, which is threatening. society doesn't like when women (trans men) are suddenly trying to be a class that is protected and privileged. im not transitioning to get access to privilege, but that's what it looks like to a transphobe, be them conservative man or radfem. im scary because im rocking the boat, not because im masculine, and they hate me because im showing their binary and hierarchy are false, not because im masculine. im stupid and delusional and a failure and a silly little girl and a bamboozled idiot tricked by trans women as well as a ruined woman and a rotten woman because of misogynistic binary power structures, not because im a dude. ya know? anyways, what holds me back is the gender binarist, cissexist, transphobic, and misogynistic stew that affects all trans people, just differently on a systemic and individual level

like i said earlier, a lot of my beliefs boil down to, we are seen as women and therefore face 'lingering' misogyny, which combines with the sex binary, sex essentialism, and cissexism-- which make up transphobia, in my personal definition of it-- to describe our experiences. not as anything having to do with being male, simply not being female, shattering the notion of what a woman can and should be, and leaving behind a broken hierarchy along with deviant, rotten women who must be punished.

as for the autistic manifesto jkr went on, i know of it but have never read the whole thing and, frankly, as someone who is avoiding college hw right now by doing this, i really don't have the time to. im open to reading it in the future and contacting you to share my thoughts if you'd like? no pressure!

(also, seasonal depression is kicking my butt and im not sure if doing so would be great for my mental health at the moment. reading 'the transgender craze seducing our daughters' almost broke me lol. like i said, ill read it if i can and get back to you. don't want to speak on it if i haven't read it, ya know?)

Anyways, I hope this helped some? I did my best haha. if you have any other questions, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask

[flyinghome-againstthewind]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag, @walkinginland!! 💜

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

8! 😅

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

234,699 (the fact that I'm almost at a quarter of a million words feels all kinds of crazy to me 🥹)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently and on ao3, just Outlander. I did a lot more fandom hopping in my youth and on ffnet.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the best by far is you (Outlander, multichap, canon-divergent - what if Faith lived?)

Beside the Seaside (Outlander, multichap, 1940s au - single parents twist on seasons 1&2)

The Lost Ones (Outlander, one-shot, modern au - Jamie and Claire are neighbors and help each other through a difficult holiday season)

Holly, Ivy, Mistletoe (Outlander, one-shot, tbbfiy holiday fic)

When My Love Reaches to Me (Outlander, one-shot, modern au - follow up to The Lost Ones)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do for most of my fics! Beside the Seaside has become a little overwhelming so I don't respond to those comments at the moment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have to go with one of my drabble for this bc I dont usually write angsty endings for my fics, only angsty middles 😅 but I think Something to Hold Onto fits the bill for this. Though she be but 100 words, she is angsty.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the best by far is you had a pretty happy ending, but I think Soften Every Edge will hold that title once it's finished.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

There was one person who REALLY didn't like the family separation arc in tbbfiy and trolled the comment section a few times, but that's been the only true hate I've ever received on a fic.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I hadn't ever written smut before Outlander, and I blame Jamie and Claire being the two horniest muses I've ever worked with for my forray into smut writing lol. I don't write a lot of smut, but if inspiration strikes and I feel like it adds to the story, I will usually include it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 🤞🏻 Back in my ffnet days, I had someone message me about my fic that they wanted to basically copy and paste bits and pieces of it and change the characters but keep the main storyline (staying within the same fandom, mind you... and just switching characters around) and I said ummmm no?? but thank you for asking nicely?? and then watched their stories like a hawk for a few months, but to my knowledge, they respected what I said and didn't do that 😅

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't and honestly I'm mystified by how people make that work. I've read a number of fics that were co-written by two people and the results are so cool.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't like to answer what my all-time anything is because I am indecisive 😭 but at least in terms of writing fic, I've got almost a quarter of a million words published just about Jamie and Claire, so. That answer feels obvious.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof. I never even posted it, but in my college years, I was vibing very hard with a Smallville au, wrote several chapters, it lived rent free in my mind, and never got around to finishing it. But oh my god the Themes of it all...

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization and theme, I think. I feel like if I know the characters and I know what the themes are, I can cobble together some kind of story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting lol. It's always the joke with fic writing that you have to write a whole story around the one random scene you envisioned, and that's how most of mine start. So figuring out the plot and pacing from there is always a struggle.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I always want to include other languages that are integral to the characters (hi, jamie fraser!), but as someone who regrettably only speaks English, I get so nervous about the fact that I rely on google translate and might get it horrendously wrong and upset someone who actually speaks the language because it's That Bad. 😅 So I usually include what I can and then use indicators when someone is speaking in another language but I'm typing it in English.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god, I can't remember exactly, but I think the first fandom that I actually wrote and posted a fic for was One Tree Hill (though some of you on twitter might remember the story of 8th grade Anna turning in a chapter of her Alias fanfic for a creative writing assignment, I didn't ever end up posting that story, so that was just for me, my sister, and my 8th grade English teacher, apparently 💀)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh god. I feel like it changes depending on what I'm working on, honestly. Beside the Seaside has been super self-indulgent and fun to write, but I'm having a love-hate relationship with sharing that one with an audience at the moment. Currently, my favorite one I've written/am still writing is Soften Every Edge - I'm just very pleased with how chapter 1 turned out and loving any time I get to return to that world and that family.

I'm not sure who all has done this already, so no pressure tagging @theawkwardterrier and @behindthelabels

[anonofseasons]

The reason the rest of Seasons went up is that I figured I'd better just do it before I lost all drive to share ever again and didn't at least complete Seasons for the remaining readers. It's the only thing I've written (outside of fandom) that has gotten much attention. It was nice, and I really appreciate that anyone would read it. But outside of that, I cannot get more than the tiniest handful of people to care about what I write, and it has been that way for years. It's discouraging, I'll be honest. My already-low confidence keeps taking beatings. I used to be more active with fandoms and posting fics, but one fandom/ship soured the experience for me. (Long story short, a lot of that ship's writers were bullied out by much more prominent writers. One of those popular writers mocked content from my fics in vaguetweets every time I posted, and I couldn't keep calling it a coincidence after a while.) I'd hear "you only write manbabies" (yeah more than once) and "you write too much of this" or be told my characterization wasn't realistic. But mostly? It just goes ignored. So I think, "I have to work harder and be better so people will be interested in reading it."

I don't know how other people manage to get word out about their writing. AO3 is great for sharing what I don't plan to publish/what can't be published, but what about what I do want published? I want to be a career author. And I struggle bc I'm dealing with problems that have a hand in worsening each other: financial struggles, living with my shitty parents, and bad health/disabilities. I need something in my life to work out for once. The pressure is on to be successful at something, but I just keep getting older and physically worse. My friend is willing to take me in when they find a place, we hope that's this year, but I can't live off of them, and I can't just sometimes cook and clean when I have spoons to make up for that. I need an income. I want writing to work out. But it just dies on my social media, with very few interactions, if any at all. I had a ton of stuff I wanted to finish for Seasons this month and into October to share with everyone in my excitement. But I'm losing my will to share anything. I only feel foolish when I try. Everything I do only proves my critics right, so it's embarrassing. Why even bother to try? It's been fourteen years of trying to get anything I write seen. I don't plan to stop writing btw, it's the sharing that's so difficult. I've been told countless times to write for myself when I express my despair, and guess what? That's good advice I've been taking this entire time! Who else could I be trying to please at this point? I have no one to please lmao, it's just me doing stuff I wanna do! The reaction to the ending of Seasons has me hesitant to give up on sharing, bc clearly lots of people connected to it in different ways, and that's wonderful. It makes me think sharing isn't so bad! But I just don't know if - at my age and health - if I can keep trying. I have two books I want to self-publish soon, and they feel like they'll just end up like everything else I post over at @mcalhenwrites - 6 notes and 5 of them are my reblogs! (And it's the same across all social media platforms - or it's even worse.) I'm really thankful that sharing Seasons gave me a taste of what it was like to connect with people through my writing, though. I don't think any of the people who commented or sent me asks realize how much it really helped me through this year, but it did. I started to have a little hope that maybe it wasn't a skill issue on my part, at least? ;A; And here's the thing: I don't really hate my writing all that much. I just fear it's got things wrong with it that I can't recognize, and that's what's putting potential readers off. I do believe my hard work shows, but hard work =/= good enough. My style is getting closer to the skill level I dreamed of having. I'm proud of my characters. But what's missing? I know that being a creator of any kind - even professional - is extremely tough, especially right now. I know this is a struggle for a lot of authors, artists, etc. :'( I just... I want to write as a career so I can keep doing more of it. I rarely have the spoons to keep up with anything. Writing is flexible. I love doing it! I just want to explain how I feel and what I'm dealing with, and why I'm so desperate. If you read this, know that it really helps creators to have our work recommended, boosted, etc. Authors matter as much as artists. I've been trying to train myself for the nth time to not be online and talk about my writing in any capacity. It hasn't worked before - I'm always too stupid to commit to giving up - but at what point in 14 years of complete failure with a side of humiliation does one just learn to give up? And to give some further insight into my thinking process: when I uploaded the remaining chapters, I put Seasons in my private collection (which holds 87 of my works out-of-bounds to anyone but me) so I could upload all the chapters without risking annoying my subscribers. Since 11 chapters in one night is a bit much, eh? :') Ugh, idk why tumblr won't let me edit anything or post long stuff. So I'm cutting this short I guess!

[fairycosmos]

Can you and your followers let me know if I'm be dramatic by being upset about this? Sorry for how long this is and for it being worded like a reddit AITA post.

A very close friend (as in I've known her for 5 years, we lived together during uni, etc etc) and I made plans back in like January to see a musical in August and we already bought tickets (which are expensive) and I've been openly very excited about it because it's a musical I've wanted to see for a while. Then, in May, she met this guy (now her boyfriend) and after a few weeks of knowing/casually hanging out with him, he asked her to go with him on a trip the same weekend we were planning to see the musical. And she agreed. Now, despite the fact that I've easily been her closest friend throughout uni (and I literally would always cook for her and clean after her without reciprocation) she has deliberately avoided telling me about any details regarding her relationship and also didn't tell me about the fact that she's bailing on our plans. She told another Mutual Friend and told her to not tell me because she wanted to break the news herself. But that Mutual Friend did end up telling me because one day I was ranting about how she's been keeping me out of the loop of her new relationship and barely speaking to me. So I knew for a month now that she's bailing on these plans and was just waiting for her to openly tell me. Then yesterday she accidentally revealed it without realizing in a group chat, and when I asked her privately she didn't even say sorry she just said that she completely forgot and got the dates mixed up. Which I know isn't true.

On top of that, two weeks ago was my birthday, and around like 7pm, I told Mutual Friend that this friend hadn't wished me yet. And she got really upset about it but I didn't want to make it into a big deal. And then that friend ended up wishing me at 11:30pm and said she was at training all day at work, which I knew was bs because who trains for 12 straight hours and because I literally saw on Twitter that she had tweeted multiple times earlier that day so she had access to her phone. But I let it slide. And yesterday, Mutual Friend revealed to me that she actually had to remind this friend that it was my birthday because she was afraid the day would pass by without her wishing me and didn't want my feelings getting hurt. Am I crazy for letting all this upset me? I'm happy that she's found a boyfriend but she's literally been icing me out since then. It's normally very difficult for me to get my feelings hurt and I feel so dramatic being this upset about a birthday wish and a cancelled plan but idk. I want to confront her about it but I've been told that I should just keep my distance for a while.

hey i don't think you're an asshole for this - something that did cross my mind is that maybe ur friend is in a sort of controlling or unhealthy relationship with this person? just based on how shes been isolated from you, someone who is rly close to her, and how distant she's been since getting with the guy. ofc that's a very worrying and nuanced situation to have to confront and that's a big assumption on my part -it truly may not be the case, and even if it is, obviously as an outsider looking in obviously there's only so much you can do to try to get through to her. butttt if right now it just seems like she's gotten into a new relationship and put your friendship with her entirely on the backburner with no explanation, then i think your feelings of anger and hurt are entirely understandable. i've honestly been there myself so many times like when girlfriends get boyfriends and suddenly you're basically invisible to them. it's sooo discouraging and hurtful and you feel like a freak for being sad about it but still you're sad about it. and while obviously people's priorities change when they get into a relationship, it's not ok to neglect all of your friendships just bc you're seeing someone, you know? i completely see why you're upset and i don't think you need to feel like you've done something wrong for simply questioning her recent behaviour. especially when it comes to that expensive gig!!! she should've had the respect to come to you herself about that if she was cancelling, point blank. i would be pretty pissed myself in ur shoes. it's obviously entirely up to you where you go from here, and i guess i can't answer that part for you as i don't know the ins and outs of your circumstances + dynamic with her -- but whatever you need to do to ensure you have your own best interests at heart here is alright. whether it's taking time or talking to her or a mixture of both. and btw this is just my singular perspective ofc so maybe im wrong or missing something. sending so um grain of salt and all that, but yeah that's how i see it. sending a huge hug your way. x

[classicequinox]

I LOVE UR WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE ITTT!!! fm is written so intelligently its rlly such a fun read thank u for putting ur work out there its super enjoyable … other than it just being so cool it also hits all those emotional beats its so good. kotaro and enji’s talk lives in my brain always. i love it a lot. what made u want to write it, and how did u come up w the premise?? how long does it take to plan out, and do u have to do a lot of research with it??? is writing enji’s pov difficult?? it seems like itd be difficult but u execute it so good tbh. it really does feel as if he IS the n2 hero w his thought process and insight. its so good!!!! :D

Ahh thank you I'm glad you've been enjoying!! 💞💞 Those philosophical/plotty bits always kill my brain cells so it's great to hear their sacrifice is worthy xD Kotarou's and Enji's talk remains one of my top 5 fave scenes in this fic! From the very first moment Tenko's backstory was revealed, my brain went: can you imagine these two flawed fathers just nursing a bottle of alcohol in the dead of night discussing their kids and their failings? (And so that entire grand sleepover plot line was born. Oops.)

If you're talking about the fic as a whole: bc I'm a sucker for time travel fix-its, I really really wanted to write happy Todofam scenes, and the entire story/plot here is an excuse for me to bc Endeavour would never just sit back and chill while the world burns down around him :')

I plan out milestone scenes periodically, then everything else I pants along the way 🙈 luckily tho, bc it's let me incorporate more wild stuff that Horikoshi's revealed in canon over these past few years… 👀 As for research: not too much, but I'm sure my search history has been loving "what temp do bones disintegrate" etc :D

On Enji's POV: oh for sure at the start! But now I've written him for so long that it feels like going home after writing other characters/fics :') Tbh I'd say the irrational parts of him are harder to write than the analytical side! But then I've always liked the logically competent ones. All Might's POV… now that was and is lvl 1000 difficulty xD

[sesame-sim]

Books I'm considering next

I mentioned before I add a new book every 5 sim years in my bookish save.. I'm torn about what book to add in next for Year 55. I know It seems too soon to be thinking about it bc I'm posting Year 50 right now, but in actuality I'm halfway through playing Year 53 so I need to give myself some time to finish reading and do prep like take notes, make a timeline.

Below are the ones I'm currently considering. They each have things about them that I really want to play and things about them that would be difficult to show with sims. Opinions welcome! I would love if somebody just tells me they have a clear favorite and then I don't have to decide lol.

In alphabetical order (info on each after the cut)

Clothes, Clothes, Clothes, Music, Music, Music, Boys, Boys, Boys (memoir)

Dust Child (historical fic)

Magic Lessons and the Practical Magic trilogy (fantasy)

Refugee High (nonfic)

Salvage the Bones ; Sing, Unburied Sing (fic)

She's Not There (memoir)

The Glass Castle ; Half Broke Horses (memoir)

To Kill A Kingdom (fantasy)

War and Speech (YA)

Clothes, Clothes, Clothes, Music, Music, Music, Boys, Boys, Boys (memoir of Viv Albertine, member of British female punk rock group The Slits. I'm interested in the aesthetics of this. She's also dated Mick from The Clash, has been friends with various ppl like Sid Vicous. But should I hold out for the possibility of a bands EP or GP in the future? And there's another memoir of hers I could also read before playing. It's more focused on her family rather than her music career)

Dust Child (historical fiction about a half Vietnamese half black man who is trying to find out who his father is in the present time intertwined with the story of two sisters who leave their small town to become bar girls in Saigon in past time. I actually haven't read this yet but I became interested in playing something with a Vietnamese storyline because of the tumblr @biplusco . Their Indochine cc collection made me want to play something set in Southeast Asia.

Magic Lessons; The Book of Magic; The Rules of Magic; Practical Magic (trilogy and a prequel following the Owens family of witches since the 1600s. You may know the movie Practical Magic. Of these books I've read Practical Magic and half of Magic Lessons but haven't read The Book of Magic or The Rules of Magic yet. The main issue here is 4 books is a lot to take notes about and make timelines for before playing through. Plus, starting from the late 1600s all the way to more current times at the speed I play will mean I never finish! But maybe I could JUST play the prequel.)

Refugee High (nonfiction about the high school in the U.S. with the highest percentage of refugees. The author chose some students, each from a different country, to delve into the lives of. Could be interesting depicting each one's past in sims before they end up together in Copperdale High School. But I've only just started reading this one.)

Salvage the Bones; Sing, Unburied, Sing (fictions both by Jesmyn Ward and they take place in the same town. The characters even cross paths at one point. I love her writing so much but a key part of one book is a hurricane and the other book mostly takes place in a car so I don't know if I can do this well in Sims 4 as the game is rn)

She's Not There (memoir, gender transition. I might want to read her other book called Good Boy about every dog she's had in her life first so I can play both together and have each of the pets join the family at the right times)

The Glass Castle; Half Broke Horses (both by Jeannette Walls. The Glass Castle is a really popular memoir about the author's nomadic upbringing with parents who eventually choose to be homeless. Half Broke Horses is her biography of her maternal grandmother. That one mostly takes place on ranches. What happens in The Glass Castle basically picks up right after what happens in Half Broke Horses.)

To Kill A Kingdom (fiction, fantasy, mermaids and princes. This one I'm worried about my lack of cc for. I want to play out a fantasy book at some point but I haven't done any collecting of fantasy cc whatsoever yet so it might take a while to accumulate it )

War and Speech (a humorous YA book about a high school girl, new to a school, who joins the super snobby speech team just to try to bring them down from the inside.)

[lacomandante]

modern au!

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

This made me laugh bc you know how much I've bitched to you about how complicated a modern au is for Teresa :P

While in the main verse Teresa is from Casatejada (Western Spain), in the modern au I think she would have been raised in Barcelona for a good chunk of her childhood, and her family moved to Western Spain, presumably to be with her father's family. So she's both Catalan and a Spaniard and is proud of her heritage. I don't think they would live in Casatejada though, so I haven't settled just yet on where exactly.

I think Teresa works for a government body of some sort- possibly the UN (for this AU I would pretend there was a location in Madrid for her to work at) where she gets sent out to help others, possibly with Women's Health and Rights in third world countries. But again, it's really hard to translate canon events to a modern day without ethical implications...which is why I'm more vague and never settled on a concrete idea. Just something that allows her to be in a dangerous location and meet Sharpe out in the field, but also aligns with her character :P

Teresa and Sharpe actually get to see each other way more in the modern au than the main one bc PHONES and planes and internet! Yay! With him in the military and her constantly working it's difficult to meet up, but Teresa's work allows her to work from home or elsewhere, so either she spends Sharpe's leave with him in London, or he stays with her in Madrid.

Teresa ends up moving to London into Sharpe's flat after a few years. They were never able to fully commit to moving in together because of their jobs and duties, but eventually the distance and time spent away became too much. They wanted to spend time together, and even when they had to say goodbye, they always could look forward to seeing each other. They wanted to wake up beside each other, have their slippers side by side, do laundry and dishes and cook together. They don't like staying in their respective flats without the other because wherever they are is home, and when he finally asks her to stay for good, she agrees and they make love. She moves in very soon after, as she found out they were going to be parents! Teresa still keeps her flat in Madrid, as she does still have to go back from time to time, and having her family to help is invaluable to her when Sharpe is abroad.

When Antonia is old enough and Sharpe finishes his 20 year contract with the army, they decide to move back to Spain and live in Toledo. With Sharpe retired he's very excited to be a househusband and spend his time with Antonia, and Teresa goes to the city to work or works from home. Sharpe likes to update her on the shenanigans their daughter gets up to during the day and he has a beautiful garden in their backyard and Teresa never thought she could be so happy.

Teresa's time in London made her realize just how bland Spanish cuisine is. Sharpe introduces her to roast beef and gravy, wigan kebabs, fish and chips, tikka masala....she loves gravy and can't get enough of it. She learns to make English food when Sharpe stays with her in Spain, and she had a lot of cravings during her pregnancy that thankfully could be sated in London :P

[fromaliminalspace]

1-5, 14, 21 for the year end asks :3

hi, thank you so much for asking, really!! and apologizes in advance for such long answers, as you can see, i'm just being “a bit” indecisive, hopefully I won't bore you too much with it!

1. Song of the year?

(for real, why such a seemingly simple question turned out to be the most difficult one. it's impossible to choose just one!)

czxcohjkhv okay, the first to come to mind is "Stargazer" by Rainbow, so gonna go with it. the drum intro, the sheer onomatopoeia that Ronnie's vocal approach always is, the astonishing guitar solo that practically spoilers the plot by being so evocative as well, the fucking intensity that this song is overflowing with??? I can never be normal about it, just can't. about their “Catch the Rainbow” (live 1977 Munich version specifically) neither. most ethereal ballad ever (and nope, Blackmore's solos don't even ruin the “balladiness” of it, just add to the vibe).

out of Black Sabbath's songs, i'm very much torn between Children of the Sea, Die Young, The Sign of the Southern Cross, After All (The Dead), Time Machine, Sins of the Father. and out of Dio's own stuff — Like the Beat of a Heart, My Eyes, Evil on Queen Street, Evilution, As Long As It's Not About Love, Shame on the Night. hhhng they're all too good, how am I supposed to choose anything, even one per band.

when it comes to music that doesn't have anything to do with RJD (yeah, I have been listening to it this year. sometimes), I still can't get enough of Queensrÿche's “Take Hold of the Flame” (especially live in Tokyo 1984). *in loud whisper* but also “The Story of One Sky” by Dimash, “Until It Sleeps” by Metallica (whoops accidentally became obsessed with it years after first hearing it), “Incense and Myrrh” by Arch/Matheos, and “Between Two Worlds” by Uriah Heep. (can you tell how tricky it is to choose just one..?) and out of this actual year's releases (but tbh I haven't really been keeping up) most memorable was Liliac's “Carousel” or Metallica's “Screaming Suicide”.

and the most satisfying one to play on guitar is definitely “the Last in Line”, it's a literal dopamine feast for my brain for some reason.

2. Album of the year?

have admittedly been listening more to live performances than to studio recordings this year so it'd be easier to just list specific concerts but gonna try pick a latter one after all. actually I think the album i've most often listened to from start to finish is “Lock up the Wolves”, it just flows very nicely in its entirety. the second place would likely be the masterpiece that is “Heaven and Hell”. as for the album that's made me spin it in my head most intensely it's “Magica” bc it's a concept one but in the least straightforward manner possible.

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

my most prominent discovery of the year was probably Fates Warning (and their more modern incarnation Arch/Matheos), I believe. or Jethro Tull (and nope, I legit haven't even heard about them until recently, what of it).

but there's also a musician who's basically defined this year for me and whose voice i've been listening to almost daily (and who probably needs no introduction at this point). I have by no means only started listening to him this year though (c'mon, Blind Guardian cover of “Don't Talk to Strangers” was literally one of the very first songs to get me into metal in the first place; and my most favorite Sabbath song, back when I didn't give a damn about different lineups and was just vibing to the songs I liked most regardless of their albums, was from the Dio era). the difference is that only last December I first heard a live recording of his voice and was overwhelmed by the unparalleled level of intensity in it. bc ultimately his magic is so much more than just his voice, it's the laser-pointed intention behind every single word and the multi-layered thought-provoking lyrics and the everything hiding between the lines and the neverending love and generosity. it's not even sth easily convertible into words so i'd probably better stop being insufferable about him right here and now but the point is that Ronnie has had such a huge impact on my life that goes beyond anything that I ever thought any musician or even just anyone who i've never technically gotten to meet would be capable of having. but this impact has in fact helped heal sth very deep down so just... yeah.

4. Movie of the year?

i'll probably go with “predestination” (2014). there's just sth very intricate in all the levels of meaning in that movie, and especially in the way the main character is queer and their queerness is used of all things as a metaphor for quite a lot of interesting stuff. ngl I do have some issues with this movie but honestly considering that the short story it's based on was written in the fucking 50s and was still focusing on it is impressive already despite its flaws (also I love how the movie extrapolated and expanded on the original premise).

the most rewatched movie this year though would definitely be the “dreamers never die” documentary, no contest here (not crying at the very end of it is a challenge I always fail tbh).

oh and a honorable mention to “Nimona”, really loved that one.

5. TV show of the year?

realized only now that I haven't really watched lots of tv shows this year, huh. I think the only thing I did watch was the second season of “shadow and bone” and that's it, even though there's lots of other stuff i've been meaning to catch up with.

14. Favorite book you read this year?

answered there!

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

hmm i've got a new pin board, does it count?? it's bigger than my old one (and made from a different material, which turned out to be better) but i'm somehow already running out of space on it XD it was nice though to rearrange everything on it in a more systematic way rather than just slapping new bits of paper onto whenever I found a free spot (and to add Silvy's gifts there💜).

another new (like. literally last week new) thing is actually on my computer but it's sth i've been wishing for for literal years so it gets a mention anyway and it's an amp simulator. bc to be able to just plug my guitar in and build up the sound I want from scratch (well, not necessarily, there are tons of presets, it's just a very rare one that sounds well enough with solos imho) and have so much control over it, even over how much distortion I get depending on how hard I hit the strings? it's divine, i'm telling you. took me a while to figure out what exactly I need but damn, it's just so freaking awesome

[mantleoflight]

is there a muse that not a lot of people roleplay with?

if you HAD to choose, who’s your least favorite muse?

which one of your muses have you been playing the longest?

which one of your muses has the most ships?

what is each of your muses otps? notps?

1 - //Well, Echo is the main muse of this blog so most everyone else fits that category. Misraaks has been getting a bit more attention on Discord but I really wish people would take up thread musings with Darius. He's such a cool character and I really have so much I want to share about him. Kesivik doesn't get a whole lot of love either, but I understand why - I mean, I haven't been able to give him a whole lot of love -- him or Yyventriz, both of which I still need to finish writing up their profile and timeline stuff! (They have such neat timeline verses, especially Darius and Yyventriz -- they have such rich histories for their long lives!! )

2 - //At this point I think Ashven or Yyventriz. Ashven because he really is more like a background villain character whose badguy effects ripple down through the ages even if you don't know it's him. He's a Setting character not an easily RP'd character. Yyventriz has been, well, difficult in rping too since I've been revamping her. I know that character-children ocs aren't really looked highly upon so I've been kinda trying to separate her from Eramis. (Who, I will tell you, does canonically have kids somewhere in the galaxy with her wife, Athrys. But again, canon-child oc stigma. )

3 - //Well, for this blog, I'd say Echo. She's the guardian that started it all on this blog. Though my oldest active muse is actually a tie between Baribus ( @leerofthevinegaroons) and my boy Bonely ( @pawnshopsouls). But yeah, on this blog Echo-17 is my oldest bab!

4 - //Echo. Echo has the most ships. Namely with @raifer-vayne and @legacyfirst. She had another one but that one ended after some bad drama earlier this year. The only other muses with ships on this blog are Yyventriz & Jorvek ( @aurea-fide ), and a discord ship with Misraaks and Sundog ( @peachtiiime ) which we are still exploring.

5 - //Hhhh I actually don't have an otp for Echo bc she is so open to relationships. My otp for Yyventriz so far has been her and Jor (tho for a while I thought her and Misraaks would be a neat pairing buuut Jor and Yyv were fun). I haven't really thought of notps for them since they haven't had a chance to experience more relationships.

[hoochieblues]

tagged by @aria-i-adagio, tysm! Tagging @highwayphantoms, @carabas, @1ichen and anyone else who'd like to play. No pressure :)

Do you play an instrument?

Not competently, especially since I fucked up my fretting hand. A little piano, some guitar. I'm terrible, but I have fun. Back in my 'I'm with the band' phase, I learned how to blow harp, which is a skill nobody really needs and is mostly about standing on pedals.

Favourite book characters?

Arrgh. I love many fictional darlings in many different media, in many permutations of be them/fuck them/eat them/fix them, so I'll pull out the most recent rather than choose. The Exorcist's Damien Karras (novel), the man so emo he's actually embarrassed to be alive, but who still finds optimism on the bleeding edge of duty (or does he?). Honorable mentions to Esme Weatherwax and Lady Sybil Ramkin, bc Discworld novels were a bright spot for me for years.

What’s your star sign?

Aries, but with an Aquarius moon (VIII) and Virgo ascendant (V). I used to make enough beer money off doing natal charts, palmistry, and tarot that I can explain what this means and why it both is and is not important.

Favourite colour schemes?

I am maximalist trash. Bring me your jewel tones, pair them with wind-bleached wood and copper flower pots and patchwork blankets. One day I'll live somewhere I can paint the walls and everyone will be sorry.

Naps or long sleep?

Long sleeps. I don't sleep well and I have chronic fatigue/pain/bullshit so I'm always tired. "Naps" are usually what happen when I black out and wake up with a panic attack bc I don't know wtf is going on, where I am, or potentially what species I am. One day I will try an intentional one.

What languages do you speak?

English. I read more than I speak in French, German, Italian, and Spanish, but I wouldn't trust myself conversationally unless the conversation is reaaallly simple. I once nearly got arrested in Germany in part due to this fact.

Dreams/aspirations?

I mean, not to get heavy, but... I just spent the past 4-5 years putting myself back together (the biggest WIP) after extensive trauma processing, and I would like the happy now, please. I dream of being able to live in the space I need with the ability to have loved people around me. I want bad movie nights and kitchen table pizza and reciprocal friendships and other things I've found hard to achieve (in part because the horrors. You know. They're endless.). People whose weirdness complements my own, and vice versa. I'd like to be better about not isolating myself, bc I'm humbled when I'm reminded people actually do like having me around. (Buuh???) I'd like to get off TERF Island and go somewhere that feels like home, but I'm sick enough that free healthcare (and being broke) restrains me.

I aspire to get off my ass and properly rebuild my life/career, including my writing. To share stories that people love, that I'm proud of and that were written without constraint, financial necessities, or house style guides. I'd like to make a difference in my community (to have a community to make a difference in) and enough land access that I could take on more of the "difficult" foster dogs I have to turn down bc space.

Long hair or Short Hair?

I wore it short when I was a kid (mostly bc it's very thick and curly and no one in my family knew shit about curly hair) but it's been mid-length for a long time now, mostly to provide a canvas for the colours I like putting in it. I think I'm going hot pink and orange next.

Tea or coffee?

I drink both and I have what is essentially Ely's big gay tea shelf from Go Fish (1994), plus I love my matcha, but lbr I mainline coffee by the quart (chronic fatigue again). I've never been rich enough to be too gourmet about much, but I love my single estate fair trade nonsense. I'm considering becoming fully insufferable and grinding my own beans. And yet, there's still a lot to be said for 4am greasy spoon coffee, so I guess I can appreciate variety?

Bring a book character to life or go into a fictional world?

Oooh. Tough. I had a Goncharov joke ready to go here, but I'll be good. Because I love Ray Bradbury and I also re-read Tom Reamy and Katherine Dunn recently (Blind Voices/San Diego Lightfoot Sue and Geek Love, respectively), I'm going to say I want to go into whatever weird shared universe spec fic authors were all creating in the 70s/80s, where magic realism was a thing and carny culture was repeatedly being used as a stand-in for non-exclusionary diversity.

The Howl's Moving Castle Principle probably applies here, too: take me somewhere I can consort with demons to get a well-cooked breakfast, flee from my problems, and somehow own my own home while refusing to do anything more constructive than be a sulking pile of slime. Seems reasonable.