#but its hard to have healthy thinking patterns when i can finally think about things without being criminally deep in delusion

[munamania]

i mean. i did finally come to my senses and can really obviously see shes Really not all that. thank god. in another life i think we could’ve been like good um friends. unless all that energy really was just weird sexual tension. things i dont spend most of my time worrying about anymore thankfully <3

[violentviolette]

i think a big part of why people latch onto things like narc abuse and sociopath nonsense is that at the end of the day, they want something easy to blame

when ur abused, the hardest and most difficult thing to confront is why. why did they hurt u? why didnt they love u? why did they do those things and treat u that way? why couldnt they see how much pain u were in? why didnt they care? why why why why

during the abuse, we internalize that why. we think the reason is us. we're just wrong or broken or undeserving or bad. it's our fault they abused us. and so when u finally escape that, its a big and emopowering moment to finally be able to realize that no, we weren't at all the reason. we werent to blame. we didnt do anthing to deserve that.

but then that leaves us once agian with the why. and the uncomfortable truth is that there really isnt a satisfying answer to that question. the why is usually very mundane and doesnt offer a lot of closure. its often just, because they were selfish. because it was the easier thing to do. because they were hurting and took it out on u. because they just couldnt be bothered to care. because they couldnt see past their own defensiveness. because they chose to.

but those aren't satisfying. they dont give closure. people dont want to confront the mundane and human reality that people abuse others for no good reason sometimes. that they were just being human, because abuse is mundane and human. so people try to find some other big universe defining reason. they latch onto things that tell them "this abuse was an immutable force of the universe and no one can do anything about it. these people are inhuman monsters who need to be removed from society" because that kind of absolutism is a much more comforting and easy thought than the reality that sometimes people just choose to be terrible to one another. because that reality means confronting the randomness of tragedy and our powerlessness to stop ourselves from becoming victims. it also means u never have to confront the reality that while someone may have abused u, they can and do go on to love others in healthy and real ways, and they deserve to do that. and that still doesnt at all mean there was something wrong with u or that u deserved what happened.

but those are difficult and uncomfortable things to confront. so in a twist of deep deep irony, they do exactly what their abusers did. they choose the selfish, easy, defensive option. and they take their pain out on other people who dont deserve it and did nothing wrong. they fall into abusive patterns and habits without even realizing it and then become the thing they claim to be fighting so hard against. they refuse to understand and accept the reality of why people hurt others, and thus doom themselves to repeat those same patterns of misbehavior. because when u refuse to view other people as human, u end up becoming the monster ur looking for

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp 15/5

@manorinthewoods submitted: I believe I got confused about the omnipotence thing because I'd talked about it in some Discord server or other. My interpretation of the confusing usage of 'omnipotent' is that it specifically refers to any individual with the ability to exert unlimited power upon at least one individual. This allows for a system where one omnipotent can be more powerful than another, such as a Horrorterror being stronger than a First Guardian. [...] That's all I wanted to say.

The problem is that I don't really understand what it means to exert 'unlimited power' over someone.

Does it mean that you have full control over that person's actions? Or perhaps, the ability to change their nature in any way imaginable? Neither of these traits apply to First Guardians - their powers are centered around controlling space, not people.

Doc Scratch exerts power over Vriska, but his influence isn't absolute. If it was, she wouldn't have been able to use the cueball behind his back. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding what you mean by unlimited power.

Probably! There are already a lot of human/troll interactions going on, so their relationships will inevitably evolve.

I recommended a few webcomics last year. They're all decent theory-fodder, particularly Paranatural.

That said, none of them are as good as Homestuck at doing what Homestuck does. This is a very unique story, and I'm also not sure what, if anything, I'll liveblog after this is done. I'm certainly enjoying liveblogging, so there probably will be a next project - and I remain open to suggestions.

Dang it. Well, I'm still showing up in search, so at least I'm not shadowbanned this time. Maybe a glitch on your end?

I don't think you're wrong, exactly - but to be honest, there seems to be a bigger issue here than unreliable narration. I still have trouble understanding how any kismesissitude can be healthy.

The prophecy is true!

It's kind of cool that the kids' entire fortune is likely seeded from John's original stockpile. All that Grist we picked up in Act 2 actually went somewhere!

Oh, nice! I feel like there'd be too many combinations to effectively crowdsource, though, unless the pool of alchemy ingredients was extremely small. If you really wanted to implement alchemy in a game, it'd probably have to be at least partially procedural.

To be fair, I have to give credit to John on this one. Some of his funniest moments are when he's not trying to be a jokester.

I know! I probably wasn't clear enough about my question.

My question is whether the phrase 'the numerals of the blind prophets' is a reference all on its own. The phrase is a little out of left field, and the comic itself hasn't explained it.

Pretty sure John's has already been explained - he needs to wake his Denizen and save his fireflies!

As for Jade's, it's indeed hard to say. I thought they'd all be about terraforming, but Dave's seems to break this pattern. Maybe his Quest isn't what it seems - or maybe I was just wrong, and a Quest can be just about anything.

I don't think I'll be able to guess Jade's, since it'll involve the features of a Land we haven't yet seen. All I can say for sure is that it'll have something to do with Space.

Hell yes! This blog's hidden objective - to plug The Locked Tomb - is finally bearing fruit.

It's easy for Aradia to do what she does, because she ''knows'' that she could never have done anything else. 'Understanding' this lets her be reckless.

Once you can convince someone their choices don't matter, you can convince them to do whatever you want.

I prefer Prospit's aesthetics, but Derse's vibes. The Horrorterrors are a better suspicious patron than Skaia - at least they'll help me break the game.

That said, the official quiz assigned me Prospit. Maybe I misunderstand the moons - but from where I'm currently sitting, Derse is the better choice.

The question isn't whether Sburb would screw them over - it's how it would.

I like the idea that Sburb started with only Sprites, and slowly assimilated its victors into its later iterations.

Each Sburb species represents a video game trope, so I could see an aggressive species like the trolls as a border patrol. They're angry, aggressive NPCs who fly their warships around the Veil, making sure Players don't leave the session's boundaries. You're meant to avoid them, not fight them, and they're the bane of any Player who tries to get creative with the Furthest Ring.

Now, what kind of NPC would the humans be?

I'm not a fan of jumpscare horror, but psychological horror can be very interesting indeed.

I didn't expect the comedy meme man to be that good at instilling a sense of dread - but I shouldn't have been surprised. Horror and comedy tread a very fine line.

Thank you!!

This frame in particular is pretty unsettling. Jack never usually shows this much emotion, and you have to wonder if the Ring has gone to his head a little.

Anyway, if we're talking about aesthetics, my favorite area so far is the Battlefield. It's like a chessboard mixed with a Windows XP background, and it's gorgeous in Rise Up.

Neither have been used in the comic, so I'm just going with lusi for convenience's sake!

[cogentranting]

I think that the idea of the found family splitting up at the end is an idea that can work but there are some specific things that make it work.

First of all, the time frame has to be right. If the story that brought them together is too short, it doesn't work. If they came together, did one thing, and then split apart, then the idea that they became a family doesn't hold weight. So typically if the story is one movie or one book, splitting the family doesn't work. But if it's a series (tv show, multiple movies, multiple books) then you can have them together for quite a while. They didn't just come together for a task and then split up once they didn't need each other anymore. They were together for a while and chose to be around each other repeatedly.

Secondly, the splitting up has to be of the GROUP but not the FAMILY. It can be that they may never all live or work together again, but done right the idea becomes that they were a team/group first and that brought them together and they became a family but then the need for the group passed, but they remained a family. It's tricky to give a proper sense of this because typically the splitting up comes at the end of whatever story, and this focuses on the idea of what comes after. But when it's achieved it becomes a mimicking of certain family patterns-- you're raised together, you grow up as family, but then as you get older life leads you in different directions. People move to different houses (or cities or countries), people get married and form new connections, things arise that put that distance between you. But in a healthy family situation, that connection remains and you still are in each others lives.

Third, there has to be some sort of natural reason for the parting. It can't just be 'well we're done so I guess I'm going to go because there's no reason to stay'.

A couple examples:

(Spoilers for each within their section) Agents of Shield-- 1. Time frame- the team in some iteration or other has been around for 7 years (give or take) by the end. During that time they've lived together and repeatedly have chosen to come back together if they've been separated, and there hasn't been one specific thing they all need to accomplish that forces them together. Its all been choice. 2. Finality- Two things put this slightly into question with AOS. One there's a sort of prophecy spoken midway through the final season that the entire team will never be all in one place again after this mission. Two, the final get together scene indicates they don't do that often and their meet up only lasts a few minutes. However, the impression I get from the finale is that all of the team members are still in frequent contact even if the group is big enough and doing diverse enough things that its hard to get everyone in the same room very often. But they clearly still care about each other, they clearly still know the details of each others lives. They're still family. They've just spread out. (and as for the prophecy the specific inclusion of Deke who has to make the sacrifice of staying behind in another timeline means that there is the allowance of everyone BUT Deke getting together at various points in their future). 3. Purpose- Leaving the Shield team feels natural. Fitz and Simmons are retiring to raise their daughter. May is moving into a new position. Coulson needs to go find himself. And then we split Mack and Yoyo from Daisy and her new part of the family (Kora and Daniel) to form two new teams (like two siblings who get married and form their own households).

Guardians of the Galaxy-- 1. Time Frame- The Guardians actively live together in close quarters from 2014 to 2025/2026. That's 6 or 7 years for the majority of the team (minus 5 for the blip) and 11 or 12 for Nebula and Rocket. The adventures we see in the movies that bring them together are each of the span of maybe two weeks at the MOST. The rest of those years is just daily lives and daily adventures together. 2. Finality- Peter and Mantis leave in the most real way and neither of them expresses it necessarily as permanent. Even though it doesn't seem they intend to rejoin the Guardians down the road, they probably will eventually return to Knowhere. In the meantime, Nebula and Drax have left the team but Knowhere still likely will be the home base (or at least a frequent stop) for the new Guardians team, so Rocket and Groot will still see them regularly. And with the ease of travel for these characters, there's nothing to suggest that they won't talk frequently, and visit each other whenever they can. They aren't all Guardians anymore but that doesn't mean they aren't family still. 3. Purpose- All of the endings fit for the characters. Nebula and Drax have clear new roles on Knowhere, Peter has family responsibilities he has to face, Mantis has to go make her own choices. And, much like Shield, Rocket's formation of a new team mirrors a family member moving out and forming a new household of their own, raising their own kids.

Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom-- This one doesn't totally work for me. It only works in part. Specifically, Inej, Jesper, and Kaz feel like a found family by the end, the other three don't. Wylan's connection is mostly to Jesper so he feels more like an in-law. Nina feels close as a friend, but not fully as family. And Matthias is only connected through Nina. 1. Time frame- this is a big part of the reason why I've narrowed to only three. Inej, Jesper, and Kaz have the most history. At the start of the books they have been working together already for some time. So the specific two part adventure of the books doesn't force them together, it just strengthens the bond. The time frame itself is unclear, but it does seem to be multiple years. In contrast, Matthias and Wylan ONLY have the span of a few weeks with the team. (We could give Matthias a break on this because he dies so there isn't the option of sticking around longer, but I think the indication is that while he had some level of bond with the other characters, it was mostly just him and Nina who were close, and they intended to go off on their own at the end if he had survived). Wylan also seems to be the driving force behind Jesper leaving at the end. Nina is a little more complicated since (if I'm remembering the books correctly) she had some level of connection with the team before the start of Six of Crows. 2. Finality- Here we have a sequel to give us a glimpse via the King of Scars duology. Rule of Wolves shows very clearly that Kaz is still in contact with Jesper and Wylan (however, to me, this seems pretty clear that the relationship is between Kaz and Jesper, and that any contact Kaz has with Wylan is incidental.) Contact with Inej is harder (because she's sailing around being awesome, not living in a house across town) but the care and connection is still there. Nina by contrast, seems to have very little contact with any of the team at any point after the end of Crooked Kingdom (and with her, it's not a cameo appearance, she gets a third of those two books). Circumstances are at play since she's a spy and then living under an assumed identity, but even her mentions (both out loud and in her inner monologue) of the others are pretty limited and usually specific to skills she learned from them. Matthias is dead and that's pretty final. 3. Purpose- All of them have pretty good reasons for leaving, none of them just seem to drift away (apart from maybe Wylan).

[alexandrarosa]

Normal People

This is going to be yet another rant and I don’t actually know where my train of thought is going to lead me so let’s go.

I heard a lot about Normal People recently and I finally decided to watch it (bc I already have an hbo max subscription and I didn’t know if it’s worth to buy an actual book). And I didn’t make it past the half of the show. But I did read the spoilers online.

First of all the tile was… quite misleading for me. I was assuming I am going to watch a show about, well, normal people. And I don’t think I did.

Calling them normal and therefore their relationship – normal, seems really hurtful. I’m a psychology major, maybe that’s why it triggers me so much but let me state it clearly: their relationship was not healthy nor normal. They behavior was at times problematic. And romanticizing that kind of relationship can have awful consequences.

It’s a sad story about the lack of communication – at least the half I’ve watched. About mistreatment between two people who claim they love each other. About a deep shame about the person they are dating.

I’ve dated a guy like Connell. And I did think that it was very romantic. I was practically addicted to him. The moments when he would decide we can get back together did feel like a great weight was being lifted from my chest. And let me tell you - that relationship destroyed me. Just like it was destroying Marianne.

But the worst thing about that show is that I was actually rooting for them to get together. Like how f*caked up is that? I was in a relationship like that. I’m a psychology major able to identify the incorrect patterns of behavior. And I was still hoping they’ll stay together. Because the way their relationship is shown in the Normal People makes it really hard not to ship them. And that’s also problematic.

For example because upon being in a relationship like that the best thing to do is to get out of a relationship like that. And the viewers hoping they’ll stay together fundamentally accept the toxic and problematic nature of that relationship.

I feel like calling that show Normal People suggests that this kind of relationship is not only acceptable but also, well, normal. So people watching it can assume that the toxic relationship they are in is not to be avoided but rather appreciated.

Don’t get me wrong – the show shows us flaws of the people involved. We know that they are doing poorly and their behavior is wrong. But at the same time is still feels like we are to accept that it’s all a part of life.

In a world that’s hard on its own making it seem okay for a relationship to be hard too – seems just wrong.

Upon seeing the title I thought I was going to see a show about people struggling with life but having a comfort of being together – and facing the normal life together. I was anticipating some cozy scenes and homely feel. And I’m sad I didn’t get that.

[cant-get-no-worse]

Hello! So, I just saw your post about Pep's balding. Was it all just stress or do you think male pattern baldness was also involved?? (he's handsome either way, but hairdiola gives innocent-y vibes)

Man, this thing's been sitting for a month straight in my inbox, now that I'm in holidays I can finally answer you :

Traded his hair for training the best 11 side itw

Stress

Last point's been famously repeated everywhere, and although you have to be weary of the easily given-into romanticization of it all (we all love to embellish football's stories, new myths and all that), he does look worn out. Compare the pictures of him in 2007/2008 to 2012 ; lost weight, tired asf, couldn't motivate his players after defeats (esp. Chelsea 2012).

This is a setting specific to Barcelona and the coach it had.

Barcelona, because following the famous quote by Sir Bobby Robson that "the experience of managing Barca is less like being a football coach and more like being president of Catalunya." This situation, as you can imagine, was exacerbated by the fact that Guardiola was himself a Catalan and open-mouthed advocate for its independance. I believe that, some time ago, Guardiola made a comment to a journalist asking him if he found it hard to adapt to the Prem League's press; Guardiola's answer was a short laugh and a statement: "You don't know how they are in Catalunya."

The press and medias, half of which were (silly fact : still are! welcome to sunny catalunya pals) at the boots of Madrid, were relentless on Guardiola who, not backed up by the club, remained the sole spokesman for it. Picture the absurdity of the situation: a football coach having to defend himself against political attacks, controversies and Real Madrid's offenses during press conferences, all seasons long.

Let's also keep in mind the internal conflict divising Laporta and Rossell too, each trying to bite each other's dicks off bury the other which made for, as one can guess, a marvellous, healthy work environnement without any power struggle where absolutely no employee of the structure had to take sides, haha. ♥ Problem with this is that, Guardiola being more on the side of Laporta (and Cruyff), when Rosell came to presidency, he had to fight him to get what he wanted — eg. players. Whereas Laporta would have caved in, Rosell didn't get Guardiola who he wanted. Funnily enough, having a mild beef with the president of your club will prove quite a problem when managing a football team. Who knew?

Cruyff crafted a word for this Barcelona's particularity : entorno. Its environnement. It's all the background noise generated around the club : the board, the press, the sports institutions, the fans, the former players, former managers/presidential figures, pundits, fanbase, which all have an opinion on how the club should be run. Cruyff alluded then to the way of functioning at the club, that had historically been quite detrimental to its entity. It's this entorno from which the locker room must abstain if it wants to form a cohesive group, and it's this entorno in which Guardiola was propulsed, trying to shield the team's chemistry he was forming. So, stress coming from the position and the club themselves.

Add to that the figure of the coach himself. Guardiola's idea of coaching at the time - dunno if it's still the same - was to get close to the player, to "seduce them" (his words) into "trusting his way was the right way". Not to force them or lead them, but to "look at them in the eyes" and show them where he wanted them to go with their play. Such philosophy inevitably asks for a lot of personal investment, for you to create specific bonds with individual players within a team. This, added to the perfectionism borderlining on obsession with which he aborded each game, proved a toxic mix. Overthinking playing against smaller teams who should have given you a break amidst two bigger fixtures isn't good for the health, you can't be 120% 24/24h, for four years straight.

Ha envejecido mucho, se ha quedado sin pelo de los nervios. Vive las 24 horas del día para el fútbol.

— su madre, Dolors.

["He's aged a lot, he's lost his hair from the nerves. He lives 24 hours a day for football." — his mother, Dolors]

Stress from all sides, believed to be a major factor in accelerating number of hair loss conditions; male pattern baldness included. So there you have it.

He could've paid for hair implant but then, gone was the opportunity of slaying the Zidane's look.

Frankly, who would ever chose to miss out on that.

[melestiasworld]

enneagram > MBTI ?? (am I really saying that !?)

I was researching my enneagram type lately and I have a lot to unwrap

Amidst my attempt to organize the endless tabs on my phone, I stumbled upon an old Enneagram test result. It was surprisingly spot-on, articulating behaviors I've long recognized but struggled to articulate.

I'm a 9w1, and I've been watching Dr. Tom LaHue's videos about my type.

He was saying that 9s can, if not careful, mistake the taste, goal of other's for their own- something I know I tended to do a lot when I was younger Back then, I craved uniqueness so intensely I wanted to dress up differently, listen to different music -being like everyone else was disgusting to me. Looking back, I might have resembled a type 4 during that phase

but I'm glad I had this phase, it helped me cultivate my confidence and identity

I've also noticed a pattern where I struggle to voice my opinions naturally. It's something I've had to learn the hard way.

it takes effort for me to really put myself in thinking mode to connect with my true self and figure out what I truly desire Yet, when a topic strikes a chord, I don't hesitate to speak up. Tom was also saying how my default response to a question or a request is always “yes” when it should actually be “no”, so that I accept only what I truly desire

“you can find your real “yes” only by saying “no””

I mean, I already knew that of me, and what really helps me is seeing other people being assertive in their opinions

I love people-watching and seeing people stand their ground inspires me

I've recognized that I sometimes fear expressing my voice because I don't want to burden others. I'm capable of understanding multiple perspectives, making every option seem acceptable—but what do I truly want?

Combining assertiveness with kindness has been a struggle. I've been aware of this aspect of myself for some time, and I'm committed to improving.

We all have patterns that emerge when we're not in a healthy place. and the enneagram helps you see more clearly on this. In the vid, mr tom was going through the levels of health of 9s going from the worst to the best, I've stopped to the first because it resonated too much with me : My brain will do anything to keep me away from feeling any type of negative emotion, this actually has been really detrimental at one point in my life

I will get lost in my priorities and the things I need to get done so I’m doing fucking useless tasks like cleaning my shoes, cutting my bangs, or sorting the tabs on my phone when I have more pressing matters

I became aware of this problem a while ago when speaking to a therapist, did I buy a book to help me regulate my emotions? yes

did I read it? no

when will i read it ? who knows

dr. really putted the finger where it hurts, i think i really got to work on that

that was also said in some of the videos, 9w1’s are scared to be a burden or to be a burden because our biggest inner fear is being rejected by the ones we love

deep down I know that it is very true -nothing can keep people from leaving me

but what’s interesting would be to discover why do I harbor this fear of abandonment? Why do I crave safety so desperately? nobody really abandoned me, nor left me, I never had problems making friends, so where does it come from? I’m going to look into that during the several hours of reflections I have during my nightly reflections

I thought I had myself all figured out, that I’ve spent too much time pondering my identity, my values, and desires Yet life just keeps impressing me and putting me in situations where I have to work on myself again and evolve

its like rediscovering myself, or building a new version of me

I do not want to die knowing I haven’t achieved the final version of me; I want to reach my full potential

but I'm so thrown between the melissa who strives for greatness and has all of those crazy goals and the melissa who wants to rot in bed and do absolutely nothing - a topic for another rant

[dumbbitchfrommars]

hes definitely the biggest distraction that could have entered my life right now.

its hard to sit around and go with it when i have no idea what his intentions are. or are they are simple and innocent as my own?

i guess i just cant stop wondering the same question. why me?

if it took such a short meeting and two nights together for him to decide he wanted to be serious with me... how many other girls has he tried to enter a serious relationship with ? what made me different to them? because, he barely knows me. two nights was enough for us to gauge each others energy and get to know each other (pretty well mind you) but i just am so wary of the fact it was literally 48 hours and now he wants to be a couple.

i wont lie its nice to get texts calling me baby. and his accent is adorable. and hes just so comfortable in himself. it helps me feel comfortable in myself, too.

theres just so many questions! but god clearly gave me a gift. maybe thats what he sees too? its insane that he thinks im as rare as i do him. hes an attractive and funny person, surely girls have thrown themselves at him? what is it about me? thats whats been distracting me. so many things to talk about and theyre so unbelievably intimate and private and i have to do it with him over the phone in the spare moments i get to myself. its impossible!

but i am excited to finally do a long distance relationship. i feel like i manifested this by accident. all the fleeting ideas and thoughts ive had over the years. they added up and the universe said here you go, a gift. IM SO THANKFUL!

the craziest thing is how hes already noticing my toxic traits and calling me out on them. this time will be different. i wont allow myself to become my parents. im leaving the criticism in the past. i am my own person, and what he is, and what he does, makes him him. i dont want to control any of that. it will make him insecure and resent me. and if he listens... well ill resent him for that too. so its best we exist independently and boldly. i will be open minded, open hearted, and radically accepting of the person he is. and well both be happy! i dont wanna be the bully i can become in a relationship. its not healthy. but its nice to have it revealed to me once again. it always happens and its a dark pattern of mine. a part of me that needs work, change and healing. my new era! becoming unconditionally loving and accepting.

[mydaddykinnedjohnwinchester]

Live Blogging The S1 finale

i decided to write down all my thoughts (on paper, so i just retyped them here) as i watched the finale to appease my need to comment and or critique on whatever kripke has magicked up

THOUGHTS ON S01E21

I hate john so much GET HIM OFF MY SCREEN

this guy has been searching for the demon that killed his wife for the past 22 years and you're saying that ONLY NOW IS HE NOTICING THE STRANGE ASS PATTERNS????? the signs like cattle deaths and rising temperatures cannot compare to the things he has supposedly done in the past 20 episodes where apparently he's this mastermind who can hunt anything. unfortunately, we're just gonna be shown more and more proof that john (and sam) doesn't use their brain when revenge is concerned.

also why does him cursing feels so out of place??

That comment on sam's premonitions. Gods I can't take it I need him punched in the face so badly for that

also love how Dean takes every order and beating and insult to himself like a dog but the second john attacks sam, he instantly defends sam

God i hate how when dean and sam are having fights, john just tells them to stop and makes no move at mediating the actual conflicts. like yeah dude, good job on teaching your kids to repress and forget, I'm sure it's super healthy

Also icb he's taking the obvious bait from meg without a second thought. this guy kept being hyped up as the best hunter to the point of ditching his kids to be less vulnerable but a single phone call and he folds like a wet paper towel. like wtf the voice can even be faked and he makes no attempt to make sure of that when we know even monsters like the wendigo can mimic voices and he's here not thinking when it's a high level demon????

spn is so dumb at balancing character intelligence, knowledge, and survivability. i don't wanna be harsh but are you saying john really thinks he can trick a demon and his friends with some random fake ass gun. that or his IQ is below ground level

I WANT HIM TO DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!DIE I NEED HIM DEAD NOW

you know what I'm starting to be unable to ignore the fact that growing up watching spn caus your dad watches it religiously means that i can see damn well how hard it has impacted how he parented me and my brother. what? with him practically skinning john from the problem solving to the parenting and the reactions towards conflicts. not all ofc but like damn still

DOES JOHN REALLY THINKS THAT MEG IS GONNA BE ALONE OR SMTH

also I'm so proud of deans "if things go south, just get the hell out." I'm so proud of him i hope he starts applying it to himself more often and stop working himself to death like a dead man's horse

sam is so little sibling with the constant comments, awful ideas, and even awfuller questions. dean's got to be the worlds most patient and loving big brother COUGHS (codependency)

ngl i kinda hate megs acting. she gets the job done i guess. Actually, i just hate the way she's written from the dialogue and naughty girl persona. ig i cant be too harsh since its the first demon character of the show

the gun check scene was very dumb ngl. not the best work. the way meg didn't realise as soon as that bullet went through her corporeal form is so dumb. she should've been smarter than that. wouldn't change the goddamn thing in the long run anyways, would just make it less annoying to watch.

ik I'm being harsh here but like i fees as though they should be better at their job at this point. like the second that radio started going haywire, they should've booked it out of that car and go to the house asap. like i know its for cinematography and tension reasons but it just feels dumbbbb

dean always the one saving children...... I'm so insane about it

dean holding sam back from the fiery suicide. god i love that scene so much. every line that comes out of dean's mouth is practically gold there. the performance was amazing

dean the only one with a brain and a heart in his body that's why he's the shortest in the family

dean the only one in this family who's hunting for the sake of people who are alive. saving people instead of revenge when he's the one whos first and most victimised by the demons. I'm feeling insane

THOUGHTS ON S01E22

thank you dean for not idiotically trying to save your deadbeat sun of a gun dad the second you hear meg call. thank you for not falling for the same bait your dad so easily fell into despite him and your brother making it seem like the only right choice in such a situation is to eject your brain from your head. once again thank you for having your priorities straight

thank you for knowing when to change courses. thank you for knowing when to ask for help. yes this is a dean winchester appreciation post

I'm ngl jared padalecki's latin accent is so shit

their discussion about an innocent girl being trapped in there and it being an argument against exorcising the deamon out makes no sense. first, that girl is as good as dead the second she got possessed anyways even without falling from the 7 story building. and now? so what if the girl will die w/o the demon. you really think that having her body be misused and deformed while being forced to watch without any control is better than what would be eternal rest???? a fate all human must succumb to???????

OK I WROTE THAT LAST PART BEFORE DEAN RESPONDED BCS I WAS SO MAD AT THE SHEER DUMBNESS BUT OH MY GOD THANK YOU YES DEAN

ok remember the plane episode? in that ep, they said that after the demon's out, it's supposed to be in it's strongest form as it isn't contained in a body anymore but here they just straight up ignore it????

ok i know for a fact that moving a person with broken bones without proper prep technique and stuff is like one of the worst things you can do but ig neither of the winchesters went to med school

"I've got a Yorkie upstairs and he pees when he's nervous" I'm kissing kripke on the mouth thank you for writing dean winchester

with how much he loves saving people it would've been so easy to make dean want to be a cop but thank god they were a firemen outfit before the touch a cop one

IT KILLS ME, that the abuse and mistreatment john had dean went through has dug its nails so deep into deans psyche and body that even when things that he trusts show differently (the holy water test on john)he was still 100% sure his dad would never actly lovingly or be proud for dean saving his brother (also he would never say please lets be real)

I'm speechless. the Azazel monologue to his escape. the whole scene. GOD. i love it so much. it hit all the right spots, dialogue immaculately written and the amazing performance by the actors oh my god yes yes yes dig out those underlying insecurities that dean loves to hide behind the cold playboy persona aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh just amazing. the tension and rawness of that shoot me scene too GODS

that ending was a sure ticket to have their first ever next season and just proves again how deserving spn was of the hype and love it's gotten at the time

[anime-grimmy-art]

What do you do when there’s not much to an AU? You make up your own stuff, ofc. And as is per usual when I make Character Designs, I make up a shit ton of lore too.

The ramblings under the cut, but what I’m really interested in, is what you guys think. Do you guys have any headcanons/ideas for this AU? Let me hear them! Also, if you don’t wanna read on tumblr, here’s the Google Docs link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/151yshHxnb_--P6eMKkwkI2dee9xC_Llb/view?usp=sharing

Before I get into the characters’ roles, here’s some general facts and backstory of their town:

- Basically, it’s Undertale meets Harvest Moon / Stardew Valley. Well, kinda. I at least used that approach for coming up for the jobs for the characters. You know, how there’s always a general store, a doctor, a smithy, etc.

- The usual story of a HM game is that you come to a town that’s way past its glory days and you, as the player/farmer, help them get back to that. The “backstory” of the town is that that already kinda happened. I’ll get into it more in the character description, but basically when Asgore was still mayor, the town got really popular. Then yadda yadda, a certain tragedy happened, two kids died, and the town suddenly got very bad publicity. There was a lot of stuff going on back then, bad reputation being spread and also a lot of law stuff, cos, you know, supposed child murder ‘n all, so Asgore made the decision to shut off the town to ppl from outside. This was in the interest of most monsters living there, because as fun as it is to have a lot of people coming there, most just wanted to live a quiet life. Not everyone was happy with that though, so many moved away from town and some others are trying to get the town back on its feet. But more on that later.

On to the characters:

I’m just gonna start with the skelebros, cos it’s their fault in the first place I got so invested.

Basically, they are what the player is in hm/sdv. They just showed up one day, took over the abandoned farmhouse and began their life there. The two came to town way after it was “closed” and since then a new mayor has opened the possibility for new residents to move in. Their farm helps the economy of the town a lot and the mayor, like usually in hm games, is trying to use that to make the town more known again. The skelebros aren’t really working towards that goal however.

So, now a bit more detail on them individually.

Papyrus:

- The design is mostly based on what’s “canon” in this au.

- He works mostly on the fields and is in charge of the crops. Their fields aren’t spectacularly big, but still big enough to plant a few dozen rows of veggies. 

- Paps also helps out a lot in town when he has the time. He helps Asgore with his plants, he goes fishing with Undyne, helps Toriel carry crates around and so on. This is inspired by the part-time job mechanic in HM ToT.

- Unbelievably, in this AU Pap is not an absolutely awful cook. Since he helps out at Muffet’s and Grillby’s a lot, they tend to show him some tricks to cooking. Even though Pap’s not a big fan of the greasy or overly sweet cooking those two do, he picks up a lot.

Sans:

- Again, design mostly based on the “canon” look. Maybe a bit more baggy.

- This is finally an AU this dude gets to rest. Since there are no resets and he doesn’t have to see his bro die again and again, for once in his life, he’s not a sad ball of depression. He’s just a chill and lazy dude that loves to make puns. Though, since he’s not too experienced with the feelings of loss, helplessness or grieving, he still tends to hide behind puns and fakes smiles if he does feel bad.

- Sans is in charge of the animals on the farm. Papyrus begrudgingly gave him that role since Pap’s loud demeanour and hectic movements usually scare the animals. Sans’ relaxed attitude draws the animals to him naturally and even if Pap mostly finds him sleep against a tree, in a stack of hay or on one of the sheep, the animals are always fed, healthy and relaxed, so Sans seems to be doing his job.

- Sans always has a small chic sit inside his hoodie or hat. Is it always the same one? Who knows, maybe.

- Sans also, somehow, can produce eggs out of thin air. Grab into his hoodie pocket, in his pants pocket, in his hat, in his slipper, there’s suddenly always an egg there. On good days he can even make butter or cheese appear. 

Gaster:

- He’s literally just a scarecrow in this. Though, if you ask any of the bros why they designed their scarecrow that way, they won’t have an answer.

Frisk&Toriel:

- Frisk is mostly based on what I wore myself as a kid in summer. Just a loose shirt with a cappy. Toriel basically has her ut gown, just with an apron on top.

- Frisk just appeared outside the “magical” forest one day. Napstablook and his cousin found them and brought them to Toriel, who has been taking care of them since.

- Toriel runs the general store in town, but also often takes care of the few kids that still live there.

- Frisk usually helps out in Toriels store, plays with the other kids or sits around at Asgore’s. They’re notorious for nabbing small snacks, mostly from Asgore’s plants. You’ll always find them munching on something. 

- Frisk was in town before the skelebros. Since they’d moved in, Frisk often went to spy on their farm. After a small incident with angry chicken, Frisk got to know the two better and now they see them as something between brothers and uncles.

- But Frisk honestly gets along with everyone. Just like in UT, they’ve not only been adopted by Toriel but literally everyone.

- Toriel and Asgore’s relationship is not as bad as in the main game, since, you know, Asgore didn’t kill literal children, but there’s still tension between them. Back when Asriel and Chara died and the whole thing with the bad rep for the town began, Toriel felt betrayed by Asgore focusing more on the town than giving their deceased kids the grieving they deserved. They’re not divorced, but Toriel still moved out and said needed space to think. Now that Frisk is in the picture though, the both of them are slowly coming to even ground and may even be able to talk things out and clear up the uncertainty of their decisions.

Asgore:

-Asgore has his UT Ending / Deltarune clothes, just with a gardener’s belt.

- He’s the previous mayor of the town, but after all the crap that happened, he stepped down from the position. Now he has his own little shop and sells seeds, saplings, homegrown veggies and fertilizer. So, basically what e.g. the Marimba Farm is in HM AP

- His main customer is Papyrus and they’re on friendly terms. Asgore is worried about how much and how hard Pap works, so he often gives him a discount. 

- Since his family’s past tragedy, Asgore is kind of nervous around kids. So, when he first met Frisk, he hoped they’d not visit him too often. But to his chagrin, Frisk took an instant liking to him and spends a lot of time at his shop (and steals eats the fresh grown veggies). Now, he’s really grateful for that, because for one, he loves Frisk as dearly as he had his own children, and also because now the tension and mistrust between him and Toriel seem to grow smaller day by day.

Undyne&Alphys:

- I gave Undyne a pretty basic fisher’s outfit. Alphys basically has Elli from HM’s outfit, just a bit more doctory stuff added. She still has her canon lab coat too.

- In essence, Undyne and Alphys have 2 completely different jobs. Alphys is the resident doctor and Undyne runs the fish market.

Two things. Yes, I know Alphys is more a mechanic than a doctor, she fits the aesthetic though, so she’s the doc now. And no, Undyne being a fisherwoman is not cannibalism, think of it more as a shark hunting smaller fish.

- The reason I lump them together is because they act as the local “smithy”. Alphys is still really tech savvy in this (I mean, Mettaton is still part of this AU), so she takes on most problems with electronics and stuff. For Undyne, I didn’t want to lose her Royal Guard’s Captain image, so she’s really good at handling tools (and weapons, but Al doesn’t let her make them anymore). So basically, if there’s a broken tool, you can be sure that either Undyne or Alphys can fix it.

- As for relationships, those two are still an item. Alphys is still really shy and a shut-off, but since Undyne and Pap become best friends, she gets to know the skelebros better. She and Sans especially get along well, since most of the time Undyne and Papyrus are let loose, they sit back and talk about science-y stuff. (no, Sans doesn’t have a background in science but he’s still into sci-fi)

- Alphys has a bit of a strained relationship with both Asgore and Mettaton.

Back when Chara and Asriel died, it was because of “illness” (maybe poisoning?). Alphys feels awful because with her back then limited knowledge on medicine she couldn’t help the two. Asgore doesn’t hold anything against her but Alphys can’t help but feel guilty.

Alphys still built Mettaton’s body in this one. The two had a really big disagreement, because Mettaton hated the fact the town was going to close, and he couldn’t understand how Alphys could feel otherwise, even more so endorse the idea.

Mettaton, Napstablook, Mad Dummy/Mew Mew:

- Napsta and Dummy are pretty self-explanatory, they got straw hats. Mettaton’s outfit is a bit of a joke cos it’s a play on “work at the top and party at the bottom”. The tie has two different sides, one with the yellow red pattern, the other completely red. His “top part” is the business part, because when he’s on tv or in the mayors’ office, you don’t usually see his feet. The bottom is his party/dance part, cos his dancing/entertainment channels mostly feature his legs. 

- Mettaton, still a robot, Napstablook and Mad Dummy are all still cousins in this AU.

- Originally, they all lived and worked at the Blook Farm, the Animal Farm of this AU. Mettaton, however, despised that simple live and after befriending Alphys and her building him a body, he left the Farm to pursue bigger things. 

- Mettaton runs the local tv network. From weather to game shows, he does it all. He also runs the tailor shop in town that sells his designer clothes and merchandise. After Asgore stepped down, Mettaton also took over the role of town’s mayor and now works towards making the place more known again. Not everybody is happy with him doing that though.

- One of those people is the Mad Dummy. He can’t stand people anyways and he always claims that history would just repeat itself.

- Since the whole family is made of ghosts, they have different dummies and scarecrows they can use to take care of the animals. To mock Mettaton and kinda get back at Alphys for giving MTT such an opportunity, Mad Dummy found the blueprints for the Mew Mew robot and now modelled one of their scarecrows after it. 

- Napstablook isn’t fond of taking over obejcts like his cousins do, so he mostly takes care of the snails. Somehow, he can interact with them even when incorporeal. 

Muffet&Grillby:

- The two of them run the Inn together. Muffet cooks in the daytime and makes desserts, Grillby manages the bar in the evening. 

- The two still can’t really stand each other but working together like this benefits them both because their rivalry just spurs them on more.

- Even though Grillby is a patient person, somehow Muffet is the only person who riles him up enough to retaliate. (Well, maybe except for Sans, he’s a strong second).

So, basically everything between those two is a challenge in some way. Even if Papyrus doesn’t notice, even his cooking lessons are a challenge for them. 

- Even though they’re constantly bickering, after working together for so many years, there’s a strange level of respect and trust between them. Even if back when they first started this business, they’d pour salt into an already open wound, nowadays they’d know better and just take a step back from the other or even comfort the other (on very rare occasions only). 

Asriel&Chara:

- They be dead. Kinda.

Some Characters that’d live in that town too but that I haven’t made designs for:

- Gerson is the original smithy of the town. He’d grown up in a family of smiths, but he’d always had an appreciation for the sea. That’s why, when the town became more deserted and Undyne had a good enough skill level as smith, he took up the Captains hat and now mostly spends his days out on sea. He also ferries people to places if they need him to. Oh, and just like in canon, Undyne learned most of her skills from him.

- Burgerpants is a poor dude Mettaton basically kidnapped when he was trying to get fame in the city. Now Burgerpants works wherever MTT needs him to, be that as cameraman for the tv shows, cashier in his tailor shop or his slave secretary in the mayor’s office.

- MK is Frisk’s best kid friend. MK’s parents are in charge of shipping the goods out of town and paying the individual people. MK’s the one that usually collects the goods at the end of the day.

- Other than that, there are only a few people in town. I’d imagine the older folks or the really young families stayed in town after it was closed. I think the librarby dude would still run the library. Some Snowdin residents like the stone family or the dogs also might still live there. 

[i-cant-sing]

An Accident

Yeah... you may have seen this before, earlier this week when I accidentally posted it. Anyways, this is a part 2 of the Todoroki clan being obsessed with reader's hair. So, um enjoy.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Todoroki Clan:

Rei is obsessed with reader’s hair.

She’s taken such good care of it, and after years of hard work, your hair now reaches just around your butt. Your hair is healthy, thick, luscious, and cut into a smooth, U shape; of course all trims are done by Rei herself because she doesn't even trust professionals. And even though you’ve asked Rei on multiple occasions to cut it short, at least up to the middle of your back, she just wouldn’t, always saying that you’re being unreasonable. But you’re not; you’ve given her multiple valid reasons.

For example, Rei and Fuyumi do your hair themselves. And initially, they would let you choose whatever hairstyle you wanted, but now they pick one for you, saying they know which one will suit your outfit of the day better. Rei likes to do double buns, or ponytails tied with ribbons or just one high pony with a pretty big bow on the top of your head. Fuyumi on the other hand makes super intricate hairstyles, and while they look pretty, only you know how much pain your scalp is in. Fuyumi does your hair as if you’re her doll, yanking and twisting hard, saying that she needs to be this rough to achieve the distinctive braid patterns. Thankfully, Rei usually does your hair most of the time.

One of the main reasons you've begged Rei to let you cut your hair short is how much time she (and you) would safe. Since your hair is so long, it takes a lot of time for Rei to put in hair masks, serums, oils, etc. It takes even longer to wash and dry them out, and then style them as well. But she smiled oh so kindly, and told you that she doesn't mind. She looks forward to taking care of your hair, forcing you to sit between her legs for hours as she applies some expensive magic growth oil, ignoring how you didn't like this.

And even if your hair is curly naturally, like even 4C curly hair, Rei will have it straight as a stick in no time (don't bother telling her that you like it natural). But don't worry, its still quite voluminous.

Of course, Rei washes your hair herself, telling you that you’re simply not capable enough to manage it. (At least she lets you wash your body yourself.) And due to your hair being so long, it takes time to not only wash it, but also dry it. Rei will detangle using a wide tooth comb, starting from the bottom and working her way up. Then she’ll dry it with her cold breath, and if required, call Enji to dry your hair with his heat. You like it when Enji dries your hair, because he does it quickly and your hair becomes far smoother.

And its not just Rei and Fuyumi that are obsessed with your hair, the boys are just as fond of it as well. Enji likes to card his fingers through your hair while he’s working on some papers or listening to news, his warm hands always putting you to sleep in his lap. Its an adorable sight, gives him a sense of peace.

Shotou also likes to run his hands through your long hair, especially after a stressful day. The feeling of his fingers through your smooth, long locks, it calms him. And if he’s feeling extra stressed, then he might braid your hair loosely as well. He always wears a scrunchie on his wrist for you.

You wouldn't ever admit it, but you enjoy it when Natsuo played with your hair. Its like he can sense when you're having a headache. He'll have you sit on the floor while he takes a seat on your bed, and then his fingers will do their magic. He knows exactly where to put pressure on your scalp, and exactly how much force to use. His massages always relieve your migraines, and he always massages with expertise to ensure their is proper blood flow in your scalp.

While you are more than happy to let Natsuo touch your hair, you hate it when Dabi's around. If you didn't know better, you'd think he wants to rip your scalp off. He knows how much it annoys you, always pulling at your ponytails, tugging at your braids, even yanking it a few times when you ignore him. And you've complained to your family, but all of them say that "oh he's just playing around." Or "no, he just misses you. He's only teasing." And when you ask Dabi to stop it, he'll just smile and say "big brother privileges."

He's insufferable.

Everyone gets to play with your hair, but God forbid if you do. Oh no, apparently you'd "destroy it", as if you're not capable of managing your own hair. You're not allowed to open your ponytails because, quoting Rei, "you're yanking your hair. You're going to rip your follicles- baby, stop. Just let me do it." But you know that she does that because she wants to brush your hair with the soft, bristle brush before you go to bed. And somedays, Rei doesn't tie your hair in a bun or something, letting your hair fall, and it gets in your way, and even then you're still not allowed to put it up because "oh honey, your hair needs to breathe too. If you keep it in a pony, the band will leave a mark in it." Honestly, everyone finds it adorable when you're dressed in your little, fluffy skirt paired with a cozy oversized sweater, all mad and pouting, trying to blow the hair strands blocking your field of vision. Like a little baby.

While Rei looks at your hair and sees years of her hards work and patience, all you see is losing control over your own life. And you are. They decide everything for you, from the clothes you wear, the food you eat, and even things you should like and dislike. They choose when you should go out, what you should watch, when its time for bed. They disregard your opinions and feelings, and if you show that you're frustrated, then its means that you're just throwing a "tantrum", and you need to be put to bed like some cranky child. You've told them that they're too overbearing, but they always say that they just love you.

What kind of love is controlling?

They're so lost in their delusions, that they don't even see the deteriorating effects it has on you mentally.

Actually, one person did see them. Dabi.

He saw how much everything was overwhelming you, how you were near tears when they talked over you, made choices for you.

He felt a bit bad for you, just a tad. Mostly, he felt there was another opportunity to mess with you.

When Dabi came to bother you one night, tugging at your hair again, this time a bit harder than usual, he saw you were ready to cry. You didn't even bother saying anything to him anymore, just kept quiet and did your best not to cry. Of course, now he ridiculed you. Called you a little crybaby and used that annoying patronising tone with you. And just as he was about to leave, he said "if your hair bothers you so much, why don't you just cut it, you big baby?"

As if something had finally snapped in you, you let his words echo. Why don't I cut it? What's stopping me?

Was it because you had learned to just give in?

You didn't even realise you had walked to your bathroom until you were holding a pair of scissors. Which surprised you, because you weren't allowed to use scissors unsupervised. It was almost as if a sign from the universe motivating you to do it, and definitely not Dabi who left them on the sink.

Holding the pair of scissors in one hand and a chunk of your hair in the other, you hesitate for a second and wonder what will Rei do. But before you could stop yourself, you cut.

I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

You start low, maybe 2 inches above your hips. It looks okay, but maybe you could cut a little more. And a little more. And a little more. Before you know it, your hair is around shoulder length, in an uneven, chunky bob. Its not perfect, but somehow you feel much better. Like you’ve finally gotten some control back. Wiping your tears away, you ruffle your hair a bit, the cool air on your neck adding to the feeling of freedom. You feel normal, happier, peaceful. Things you haven't felt in years. And all because you had 3 am meltdown.

After you cleaned up the bathroom, you went back to bed, anxious how everyone will react in the morning. Maybe they won't care. You thought. Its only hair. My hair.

Everyone was waiting for you at breakfast the next morning, and to everyone’s surprise, Dabi had joined them as well. Rei was cooking up some eggs, while the kids chatted. Enji was suspicious of the mischievous glint in Dabi’s eyes, and it was filling him with unease. Just as he was about to question him, you walked in.

Everyone went silent.

Then Fuyumi let out an audible gasp, while Dabi chuckled darkly. Natsuo, Shotou and Enji looked at you with their mouths agape.

“Good morning.”you greeted them.

Rei, who was facing away from you, finally turned towards you. “Good mo-”Rei’s breath hitched, eyes blown wide, as the plate of bacon fell from her hands.

Its funny how everyone in the kitchen, including you, had the same thought at that moment.

What the fuck?

Taking a deep breath, you moved to sit in your usual spot between Fuyumi and Rei, but Shotou suddenly pulled you back and pushed you into the seat beside him. He knows his mother is in a better state mentally, but something tells him not to risk it. Fuyumi snapped next, quickly getting up and cleaning the mess on the floor while Enji pulled Rei, who was still staring at you in disbelief, to sit beside him. You remained indifferent to everyone’s stares, quietly eating your food. As soon as you were done, Shotou got up and quickly pulled you out of the room, Dabi following close behind.

They sat in your room as Shotou looked at your hair with worry. “Looking nice, doll.”Dabi chuckled as he plopped down on your bed beside you. “Thanks.” you mumbled. “Y/n how did- why did you- why did you cut your hair?” Shotou asked, still looking at your choppy hair. “Do you not like it?” you asked. “N-no I do. But what will mom say-” “Shotou, its my hair.” you snapped. “Yeah, Shotou.” Dabi mocked. Fuyumi and Natsuo soon joined you guys, worrisome looks on their faces. “Why did you cut it? Oh my god, do you even know how much trouble you’re in?” Fuyumi was freaking out. “Its my hair.” you rolled your eyes. They ignored you. “Okay, okay. Shotou why don't you stick around with Y/n for a couple of days? Fuyumi and dad will try to keep mom away from her.” Before Fuyumi could nod, you stood up. “No.”

Natsuo looked at you confused. “what do you mean “no”?”

“I mean no. I don't need Shotou to babysit me. I can handle myself.” Fuyumi walked towards you, reaching her hands for you but you backed away, “Y/n, sweetie-” You cut her off ,“Stop treating me like a child.”

Shotou spoke this time, “Its for your protection-” “Protection from who? Our mother? Why?”your words dared them to say the truth. To agree that Rei was unstable. They didn't say anything.

A few days had passed by and things were returning to normal. Almost normal. Rei still had this thousand yard stare when she looked at you, but she never said anything. Cutting your hair was the best decision you had made, because not is it only easy to manage, but it also got the family off your back. Rei doesn't wash your hair anymore(although you think she's just not over the shock), Fuyumi doesn't need to do your hair, they dry faster, and all of your brothers (including Dabi) doesn't mess around with them anymore. Enji was the first to adjust to your new cut, he even complimented you one day.

Did you feel guilty because you know how attached Rei was to your hair? A bit, but then realised that you needed this. You need some control over your life, and if this is how they react to your new cut, then maybe you could start taking back reigns over other aspects of your life as well.

You thought that maybe Rei had finally gotten over it a week later, when you were laying in the bathtub, enjoying the hot bath. When you heard her walk in, you were a bit startled. Why was she here- is she finally over it? "Um- hey." She smiled at you. "Why are you here?" She took the bath stool and sat behind the tub. "You know why." She replied and started rolling her sleeves up. Is she here to wash my hair? "Oh, are you here to wash my hair? I don't need help with that anymore now that they're short." Rei smiled again, this one looking forced, before dipping her hand in the tub. "No, silly." And with that, Rei froze the entire the tub in 2 seconds. The ice trapped your limbs, and reached up to your clavicle. The sudden change from hot to cold had you jolt, but you couldn't move due to the frozen ice. "Mom-!" You heard the buzzing sound of a trimmer and then felt Rei entangle her fingers in your hair to yank your head back. "I'm here to complete your haircut." You tried moving your head but her grip on your scalp was unrelenting. She started trimming the right side of your head, moving it slowly as to get every single hair. "Honestly, you should've come to me. I do agree that it'd be a good idea to start again." Tears fell from your eyes, your teeth chattered and you could feel your heart beat slow down as the cold seeped into your bones. "M-mom, I'm col-d. P-please s-stop..." Rei was done with one half of your head. "You know, I read somewhere that your grows thicker if you cut it. I'm sure that after I've shaved your head, your hair will grow even fuller. I've already gotten some new oils and hair masks! Maybe we could do them together." You couldn't hear anything besides the slowing of your own heart beating. Your breath had started to become shallow, you couldn't think about anything except for how painful ice could be. Your lips were turning blue, eyes were getting clouded with black spots, all sensation from your body was losing. Just before you lost consciousness, you heard the bathroom door open and a panicked yell.

You felt warm.

When you came to, your entire body felt warm and weighted, probably due to the heavy blanket spread on you.

Opening your eyes, you found yourself in a dimly lit room. It was...your parents room. Why am I here? You turned your head to look around but your eyes stopped at the large figure sitting on a chair next to your bed.

"Dad?"

The figure's head snapped towards yours. "You're awake." He paused. "How- how are you feeling?" You moved the blanket off you, your body felt dense and ached. "Warm and...sore. What happened? Why am I in your bedroom?" Enji shifted in his seat. "I think its best if you stay here from now on, so that... your mother and I can look after you." Your eyes widened. "What? Why?" You moved to sit up but then a pain shot through your head. "Ah shit." You hissed in pain as you went to massage your temples but your hands halted at the feeling of your hair... or lack there of. You tried to run a finger through your choppy bob cut, but all you felt was your shaved head. Your eyes met Enji's, looking at him in disbelief as you recalled the events that had led up to this. "Darling-" You jumped off the bed and ran towards the vanity mirror, praying that this is just a nightmare. But as you looked at your reflection, you realised that this was the terrifying reality you were living in.

Tears dripped from your eyes as you took in your appearance. Trimmed- no, shaved pink hair. You couldn't see a single bit of hair above the roots, only a baby pink scalp. She had not only trimmed your hair first but then also proceeded to shave your scalp off. Your head looked like it had peach fuzz.

You couldn't bring yourself to look away, not even when Enji placed a hand on your shoulder. "Y/n-" He didn't even what to say. He was still in shock from what would've happened if Fuyumi hadn't yelled for him when Rei was-

Enji shook his head. Now's not the time. You're here and you're fine. You're fine. Enji pulled you towards him, burying your face in his chest as you cried. "You're fine." He repeated, more to himself than to you. "Why- why would she do this?" Your voice was muffled by his chest but he understood. He understood your pain and it tore him apart that he still wouldn't be able to help you.

Enji honestly didn't know what to tell you. He didn't know what words would bring you comfort. "It... it was an accident." His chest rumbled as he spoke. You pushed yourself away from him as you looked at him perplexed.

"What?" Your eyebrows raised, nostrils flared and blood rushed to your face. You were going to blow up.

"An accident? Is that what you said? Oh okay. Was it an accident when she froze the fucking tub? Did the trimmer accidentally fall from her hands to my head?! Oh and did she accidentally pull the razor over my head?!" Angry tears fell from your eyes but you were far too enraged to care.

Enji opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off by the sound of the bedroom door opening. Turning around you saw her.

Rei was standing there with a tray of food and water. Her face turned to shock before turning to happiness. She set the tray on a nearby table before she rushed towards you, her hands reaching for your face.

"Angel, you're awake-" you pushed her hands away roughly as you backed away from her.

"Dont you dare touch me."

The couple, they had never heard your voice such hostility. It wasn't like you. Rei shook her head as she tried to reach for you again, taking another step in your direction. But you smacked her hands away again. "I said don't touch me!" Your yelling had got your siblings to rush in the room, wanting to see what the commotion was about.

Rei's eyes shifted from you to Enji, looking at him for help, before they returned back to you. She took a deep breath before speaking. "Y/n, darling. What's wrong?" You scoffed at her soft tone that tried to quell the storm of negative emotions bubbling inside you. "What's wrong? What's wrong? I don't know, you tell me, Rei. Why the fuck am I bald?!" Your head was pounding with rage, raw unbridled anger.

When Rei didn't say anything, Fuyumi stepped forward to help her out. "Y/n its-"

"Shut up."

Fuyumi's- everyone's eyes widened. Of everyone, you never even rose your voice at your favourite sibling. But to hear your voice turn so cold towards her, it shocked everyone. "Y-Y/n-" she tried again but you cut her off. "I said shut up. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Rei and she'll answer for herself."

Enji placed a hand on your shoulder, pulling you back slightly. "Have some respect. She's your mother-" You yanked your shoulder away from his grip. "No, she's not!" You inhaled deeply, trying to stabilise your voice. "No, she's not. You're not my dad. I'm not a part of this family. And I'm so sick of playing this game."

Dabi's eyes narrowed. "Stop being an ungrateful brat. You've been given all the luxuries one could only imagine, spoiled to no end-" You laughed. "Did I ask for anything?" "You never had t-" "And all these luxuries that you're talking about, I didn't get them for free. I had to give up a lot. No, wait-" you laughed again, tears blurring your vision. "I didn't give up anything. You all took it. Yeah, all of you snatched everything away from me. My family, my friends, my privacy, my sanity, everything. And you-" you moved towards Rei, pointing a finger at her. "You have been the most greedy one of them all."

Rei's jaw fell open, as she shook her head. "No-" You shook your head.

"Yes! I gave you everything. I let you dress me up in those god awful clothes, feed me whatever you wanted, stick to your side like glue because you don't like it when I was out of your sight for a more than a few minutes. For fucks sake, I didn't even go to college this year because you weren't ready to see me become an adult!" You ran a frustrated hand through your hair. "I played into your sick little fantasy. I let you treat me like a child, talk to me like I'm some helpless baby. I let you touch me even though it disgusted me to no end. I never even complained when you gave me ice burns because I was throwing a tantrum." You looked at the rest of your family, and they were shocked to hear that last bit. You smiled cruelly at them. "Yeah, you didn't know that did you?"

Rei was crying herself by now, as she reached out for you once again but you moved away. "I let you have everything. All I wanted was this little bit of freedom, for my own sanity. But you couldn't stomach that could you?" Your head hung low, your tears hitting the floor.

"Why do you have to be so selfish?"

Your voice held so much pain and defeat. Rei couldn't help but engulf you in her arms, wrapping herself around you tightly before you could even protest. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She cried out. "I- I promise I'll fix this! Yes. I-I've already gotten you some new hair oils! They say that they'll help you grow 6 inches in a month! Oh and Natsuo also brought some stuff for hair growth! Some vitamins and- Natsuo whats that spray called? Minoxy? Mi-minoxidil! Yes! He said that'll help you grow your hair in no time! Doesn't that sound nice? You'll have long hair like before!" Rei pushed back to look at you. You couldn't believe it.

"Are you- are you really that delusional?" Your voice was so soft, almost like you would break any moment now. "Are you so blind to see what you're doing to me?" Your eyes held so much pain and confusion. "Sweetie, don't worry- mommy will take such good care-" You pushed Rei away from you, your anger rolling back in full speed. "YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!" You shrieked. "Y/n-" Shotou tried to interject. "I'm not a part of your fucking family."

Enji stepped towards you. "Calm down."

You looked at him. "You said that what happened was an accident. What will you do if another one happens? And you're not around this time to save me? Hmm? What will you do? Continue playing house with my dead body?!"

Rei's sobs shook her body. "Shut up. Think before you say stupid shit like that." Dabi spoke this time, moving to stand between you and his mother. "Or what? You're going to hurt me? More the reason why all of you, but especially you-" you pointed at Rei "deserve to be in that nuthouse-!"

You were on the floor before you could even process what had happened. Had you- had you fallen? But when the searing pain of the burn on your cheek came alive and you looked at his hand that had erupted in blue flames, you realised what had happened.

Dabi slapped you.

"Y/n!"

Your cheek felt like someone had placed a hot iron on it, the sting spreading to your entire cheek, but you were far too shocked to care about the pain.

Dabi slapped me.

Shotou, Natsuo and Fuyumi quickly rushed to your side, picking you up and out of the room, while Dabi stood there in stunned as his own hand throbbed. The image of his handprint branded on your scared face wasn't going to leave his mind anytime soon.

Enji hesitated, looking at his wife and son in disbelief, before leaving the room to look for you.

Rei walked towards Dabi and smacked his arm. "What did you do?!" She yelled at him. He opened his mouth to explain but nothing came out.

"She's your little sister, Touya! W-why would you do that?!" Rei scolded him.

He hurt you. Like Enji hurt Rei.

He hurt you.

Rei sighed before closing her eyes and engulfing Dabi in her arms. "Its okay. Its not your fault." She rubbed his back soothingly. "It was an accident, wasn't it?"

Dabi wrapped his arms around his mother, burying his face in her neck, before nodding.

"Yes. It was an accident."

So... how was it?

[olderthannetfic]

(Boundaries anon) you make a good point. I lost a friend recently they abandoned me because of my depression and it felt like pure betrayal I made the horrible mistake of saying of they can’t handle me at my worst then they don’t deserve me at my best and that I deserve better friends who can handle my depression. They basically picked a bunch of snobby assholes over me instead of being loyal to me. It hurt I have borderline personality disorder I am getting treatment for it but they didn’t care they rather be around people who are fake nice then me who is real. I know this stupid to expect so much out of a friendship but I am starting to think they didn’t care about me the same way I did them because they would ghost me a lot then make excuses. But expect me to drop everything when they were upset basically they are allowed to set boundaries I wasn’t. I think that’s what causes me problems people never seem to respect my boundaries at all so when people set boundaries to me it feels unfair when I can’t do the same.

--

Oh boy.

Yeah, friends often can't, won't, and shouldn't have to handle your depression at its worst. Get rid of that "if you can't handle me" logic right now. It's a trite lie from Mary Sue fanfiction where only the protagonist's feelings matter.

Can you handle a seriously depressed friend who needs 24/7 handholding, if only temporarily? Is this something you routinely do for your friends? For that friend?

The answer is almost certainly no, and if it's yes, it's going to be one friend at a time and in an unhealthy, codependent way.

The kind of person who will be there even at your worst is a spouse. The level of friend we're talking is like if you're fifty and your best friend has been with you every day since you were five.

And even then, many spouses leave over this kind of thing because their own mental health simply cannot stand up to out-of-control mental illness.

It sucks to feel like you were dumped for inferior friends. Those new people may actually be jerks or they may not. But based on your description, your friend probably left you because you were unhealthy for them.

I just friend-dumped someone I've known since 1999 over a long-term pattern of only taking their own mental health and feelings into account. They're outraged at the betrayal too and trying to blame it on me being selfish instead of me finally growing a spine and saying I deserve to be happy.

"You left me for [shitty reason]" is a face-saving effort your brain makes to ignore the real reason: you were hard to be friends with.

--

they rather be around people who are fake nice then me who is real.

This is toxic bullshit.

When you say "real" here, you mean depressed and unpleasant to be around. Why don't your friend's feelings matter? Why is only your pain real?

I believe you that your pain is real. Your situation is tragic, and you deserve sympathy.

But sympathy at a distance.

Everyone else also has pain. Everyone else also has mental health they have to work on, maintain, and defend.

The world is a long stream of bad habits and worse news. Staying healthy means proactively countering that, focusing on productive things, and avoiding things that tank our mental health. That frequently means dropping people who hurt us and give little back.

What do you give back?

--

I am getting treatment for it but they didn’t care

Why should they care?

People care about results.

It's good that you're making an effort, but it's not enough if you're still hurting your potential friends. They deserve friends who are kind to them. You don't sound very kind in this message. You sound like you only think of yourself.

--

I know this stupid to expect so much out of a friendship but I am starting to think they didn’t care about me the same way I did them

My friend whom I just had to dump spent a lot of time talking about how much she loved me and how I was her best friend. We've known each other for years, but she didn't listen to me. Increasingly, over the years, I felt like she liked the image of me in her head, not the real me who exists in the world.

Being excessively attached to a saintly icon of your friend in your head while ignoring their actual needs is typical of some mental issues.

I'm not saying 100% this is what happened here, but there's a good chance.

--

because they would ghost me a lot then make excuses.

If you made explicit plans and they stood you up, they're a jerk and you're better off without them, regardless of anything else.

If you said you wanted to hang and they were vague, they weren't invested in the relationship, and that was a signal to try again somewhere else.

We cannot control who likes us. Hell, the other person can't control if they like us.

But expect me to drop everything when they were upset

This is the only thing you've said that puts me even slightly on your side here. My big question here is what "drop everything" means here. How much were you giving? How often did this happen? How major and unusual were their upsets?

The thing is, this doesn't tell me that it was a potentially good friendship that they then ran out on. At best it tells me they were always a user and you were a sucker for putting up with them. At worst, you're misunderstanding the situation, and you put out a small amount of normal friend effort and expected it returned tenfold and/or you offered support in a way that was clearly transactional and that transactional vibe chased them away.

basically they are allowed to set boundaries I wasn’t. I think that’s what causes me problems people never seem to respect my boundaries at all so when people set boundaries to me it feels unfair when I can’t do the same.

THESE ARE NOT BOUNDARIES

"I need you to babysit me while I cry" is a demand, not a boundary.

"I just don't have the time or emotional capacity to handle your depression" is a boundary.

I realize you can rephrase anything as "I have a need", but basically, think of boundaries in this context as saying "no" to doing labor. Asking for a need, asking for an outlay of effort, is a request. It's not a boundary.

What I think is happening, anon, is that you want a thing out of friendship that is NOT HEALTHY, so either people run away from you or you pick terrible choices of friend who also want something unhealthy because you're hoping they'll return your unreasonable effort later... only they use you then run off before returning the favor.

What you're seeking, in my opinion, is a friend who is "safe" because they will never leave you.

That's not a friend. That's codependency and a person who's locked in a downward spiral with you. Not just you personally. Everyone. In all cases.

A friend who will be "loyal" through literally anything is not a healthy person.

People with good self worth who have their shit together will all reach a point where they realize another party is bad for them and shouldn't be in their life anymore. Saying "you can never dump a friend" is like saying "divorce is evil".

Even a very kind, giving, loyal person sometimes has to leave for their own self respect.

--

Frankly, anon, I think your treatment is at a point where no friend worth having can handle your depression. If these are online friends, that goes times a thousand.

BPD is quite hard to manage. I know you're in treatment, but you may need more hours per week and more homework from your therapist to do between sessions. If it's financially possible, consider increasing the amount of professional support you have.

You are looking for something from friends that healthy friends don't do.

--

Have you told your therapist what you told me? I think you need to talk to them and give them all the nitty-gritty details of your actual life and this friendship. If possible, show them things the friend has written, not just how you remember them being.

If you're regularly misreading and not listening to your friends (as is the issue with the person I had to dump), the therapist may be able to see this from their own words and point out specific signals you missed

--

Frankly, I've explained this before, I presume to you yourself since you sound kind of distinctive.

I don't think it's getting through from me.

I think you're just too attached to the notion of a "loyal" person who will be safe and never leave, and I think this is a primary symptom of your disorder.

You need to talk to your professional help about this. You need to work on how you conceptualize friendships before you'll be able to keep friends.

You're welcome to show your therapist this post or any of my posts. But please show them your actual interactions with your friends.

Asking chatty bloggers for help is not going to solve this for you, not when you've tried this strategy multiple times and it hasn't changed how you think.

[edenmemes]

misc poetry sentence starters

❝  one gets so used to one’s own horrors, one forgets how they must seem to other people.  ❞ ❝  you remind me what love lives in this skin.  ❞ ❝  you are the most phantom-like of all; you are a mere dream.  ❞ ❝  i’m not telling you a story so much as a shipwreck—the places floating, finally legible.  ❞ ❝  the world was made so we can find each other in it.  ❞ ❝  the night isn’t dark; the world is dark. stay with me a little longer.  ❞ ❝  i want you desperately. i want your strength and your softness, your hands, all of you.  ❞ ❝  is that too much to expect? that i would name the stars for you?  ❞ ❝  against your cheek my hand is warm and full of tenderness.  ❞ ❝  the world grows green again when you smile.  ❞ ❝  your share of pains would fill a sea.  ❞ ❝  i’m so stuck on the ‘was’ of people.  ❞ ❝  what i love in you is your power of loving, a bit wild, a bit primitive, but absolute.  ❞ ❝  i like figuring you out. you are so human and puzzling.  ❞ ❝  the unwillingness to try is worse than any failure.  ❞ ❝  you wanted happiness. i can’t blame you for that.  ❞ ❝  i did violence to my own heart.  ❞ ❝  i don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth.  ❞ ❝  like a magpie, i am a scavenger of shiny things: fairy tales and dead languages.  ❞ ❝  and here you come with a shield for a heart and a sword for a tongue.  ❞ ❝  you kiss the back of my legs and i want to cry.    only the sun has come this close, only the sun.  ❞ ❝  sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof you’ve been ruined.  ❞ ❝  when will it cease, this monstrous rage of yours?  ❞ ❝  i will plant my hands in the garden. i will grow, i know, i know.  ❞ ❝  i had it all and i want it back again.  ❞ ❝  i don’t care about anyone, and the feeling is quite obviously mutual.  ❞ ❝  we are two reflections that cross swords with each other.  ❞ ❝  as for me, i am a watercolour. i wash off.  ❞ ❝  do you dare send me away as though you were were waiting for something better?  ❞ ❝  my dear, you are in danger of being burned by your own flame.  ❞ ❝  i am three oceans away from my soul.  ❞ ❝  you, occasionally, glimmer with a light i’ve never seen before. it frightens me.  ❞ ❝  i went to sleep last night so i could see you.  ❞ ❝  even the eyes of gods must adjust to light. even gods have gods.  ❞ ❝  how much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it’s some kind of murder?  ❞ ❝  it does me no good to be good to me now.  ❞ ❝  i may look alright, but if you were to look more closely you wouldn’t find a single healthy bit in me.  ❞ ❝  i must clothe myself in other worlds.  ❞ ❝  suffering is the privilege of those who feel.  ❞ ❝  sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine.  ❞ ❝  the vigor, the fire, that enables you to love and create. when you lose that, you’ve lost everything.  ❞ ❝  i can be bold, because i have you with me always.  ❞ ❝  you are shaking fists and trembling teeth. i know: you did not mean to be cruel. that does not mean you were kind.  ❞ ❝  not that i want to be a god or a hero, just to change into a tree,  grow for ages, not hurt anyone.  ❞ ❝  i laughed today. for a second i was unhaunted.  ❞ ❝  you are sunlight through a window, which i stand in, warmed.  ❞ ❝  there’s something electric in your blood.  ❞ ❝  you say you are broken,   but broken mirrors like you create the most beautiful patterns of light.  ❞ ❝  time doesn’t obey our commands.  ❞ ❝  i love you quite passionately, and with a touch of tragedy.  ❞ ❝  to feel anything deranges you. to be seen feeling anything strips you naked.  ❞ ❝  i love you --- like a storm bursts overhead --- i must confess it; all the more fiercely because you burn and bite.  ❞ ❝  and i have seen rivers, not unlike you, that failed to find their way back.  ❞ ❝  i am less a god now that you’ve touched me.  ❞ ❝  your words are gentle; but my blood runs cold to think what plots you may be nursing deep within your heart.  ❞ ❝  you said i killed you --- haunt me then.  ❞ ❝  your soul is frail and solemn, loyal and spring-like.  ❞ ❝  you look like you’ve eaten the sun, like you drank so much sunlight you’re drowning in it.  ❞ ❝  strangeness is a necessary ingredient in beauty.  ❞ ❝  you will hear thunder and remember me.  ❞ ❝  ever think it’s possible for us to be happy?  ❞ ❝  and i would wonder across all the deserts of this world, even after death, to search for you.  ❞ ❝  since we’re bound to be something, why not together?  ❞ ❝  i am ashes were once i was fire.  ❞ ❝  this mouth will destroy you the moment you mistake it for something soft, for something that is yours.  ❞ ❝  it’s no easy thing to bear, the weight of sweetness.  ❞ ❝  kill the light! i’d rather wallow in the dark.  ❞ ❝  i have thought of you often since the darkness.  ❞ ❝  with your presence the sun becomes irrelevant.  ❞ ❝  there is no god left in this skin. there’s just the ash. just the ash.  ❞ ❝  open your eyes, look more sharply, see me as i am.  ❞ ❝  what the hell is tragedy? i am.  ❞ ❝  i’ve got a lot of feeling for you. you’re kind.  ❞ ❝  how beautiful it is, how beautiful, that glow before the stars break.  ❞ ❝  so much to do today: kill memory, kill pain, turn heart into a stone, and yet prepare to live again.  ❞ ❝  i am myself. that is not enough.  ❞ ❝  i may be mad, god-seized, but i will stand outside my madness.  ❞ ❝  my power, which to me is still a curse ---  ❞ ❝  ocean sea with its caressing swell; it has so often cooled my heart.  ❞ ❝  do you bathe in perfume, and dry yourself in light?  ❞ ❝  i like you; your eyes are full of language.  ❞ ❝  let me tell you what i do know.    i am more than one thing and not all of those things are good.  ❞ ❝  you are the cause and the cure --- both.  ❞ ❝  i have kisses for the back of your neck.  ❞ ❝  your beautiful glance is unbearably cruel.  ❞ ❝  we might meet again, someday between dreams at dawn.  ❞ ❝  suffering is a terrible fire; it either purifies or destroys.  ❞ ❝  lately it hurts more to imagine you are a stranger rather than a destroyer.  ❞ ❝  and i say to myself: a moon will rise from my darkness.  ❞ ❝  since you walked out on me, i’m getting lovelier by the hour. i glow like a corpse in the dark.  ❞ ❝  i will not whine. i will obey and be forever still.  ❞ ❝  you move like the moon.  ❞ ❝  my eyes ache with the weight of unshed tears.  ❞ ❝  in your eyes, the fires of twilight.  ❞ ❝  do not haunt my soul; i have done well forgetting you.  ❞ ❝  i am no one. i cannot love. it’s in my blood.  ❞ ❝  you’re wearing your armor to protect your heart. who can blame you? it only makes sense in a world like this one.  ❞ ❝  you are not real. you are a dream of a dream.  ❞ ❝  there are so many things i’m not allowed to tell you.  ❞ ❝  i am indeed a shameless, evil-minded and abominable creature.  ❞ ❝  come this evening --- i am eager for stars.  ❞ ❝  i am on fire with that soft sound you make, in uttering my name.  ❞ ❝  i want you mostly in the morning when my soul is weak from dreaming.  ❞ ❝  to me you are the desert and the sea; everything secretive.  ❞ ❝  i thought i was wounded to the core but i was only bruised.  ❞ ❝  it is a dead heart. it is inside of me. it is a stranger.  ❞ ❝  i live --- but i’m mutilated.  ❞ ❝  if there is a light then i am going to swallow it.    if there is a god then i’m going to make him cry.  ❞ ❝  i am condemned to be a saint or a monster: unable to be the one, unwilling to be the other.  ❞ ❝  you will open your wounds and make them a garden.  ❞ ❝  i come home --- and i feel like a ghost returning its haunt.  ❞ ❝  i planted roses, but without you they were thorns.  ❞ ❝  everything inside me is in revolt.  ❞ ❝  how this darkness soaks me through and through.  ❞ ❝  give me my robe, put on my crown; i have immortal longings in me.  ❞ ❝  say something dangerous like i love you.  ❞ ❝  listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?  ❞ ❝  in times of crisis, we must decide again and again whom we love.  ❞ ❝  breathe the scent of little, earthly things. let the twilight touch you.  ❞ ❝  my heart is just like the ocean, has storm and calm and tides.  ❞ ❝  you became for me a sacred being, not to be touched save in adoring thoughts.  ❞ ❝  gods are stubborn. so am i.  ❞ ❝  is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?  ❞ ❝  there’s something soft in me. i killed it and it’s rotting.  ❞ ❝  beware. beware. there is a tenderness.  ❞ ❝  half gods are worshipped in wine and flowers. real gods require blood.  ❞ ❝  i’m alive. like a wound, a flower in the flesh, the path of aching blood is open within me.  ❞ ❝  you dangle on the leash of your own longing; your need grows teeth.  ❞ ❝  i have it in me...to scare myself with my own desert places.  ❞ ❝  my mouth still houses century-old magic.     in my ears i hear a ringing and singing and no god.  ❞ ❝  keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice.  ❞ ❝  i’m full of poetry now. rot and poetry. rotten poetry.  ❞ ❝  this skin is sick with loneliness.  ❞ ❝  memories are sharp. they bite. i have spent most of my life trying to grow a thicker skin just to make sure i would not bleed out whenever i felt those teeth scrape up against me.  ❞ ❝  i wonder if i will ever find a language to speak of the things that haunt me the most.  ❞ ❝  after fury, what do you do with the remains?  ❞ ❝  come on, dance with me. the earth is spinning. we can’t just stand on it.  ❞ ❝  let’s admit, without apology, what we do together.  ❞ ❝  try to find the right place for yourself. if you can’t find it, at least dream of it.  ❞ ❝  it takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations.  ❞ ❝  i am too full of life to be half-loved.  ❞ ❝  today you want nothing because wanting comes too close to feeling.  ❞ ❝  there’s nothing more terrible, more alluring, more mysterious than love.  ❞ ❝  heavenly wine and roses seem to whisper to me when you smile.  ❞ ❝  my soul is devoutly and wholly under your spell.  ❞ ❝  will you see the human in my being?  ❞ ❝  if i had a flower for every time i thought of you…i could walk through my garden forever.  ❞ ❝  part broken part whole, you begin again.  ❞ ❝  i don’t know if love’s a feeling. sometimes i think it’s a matter of seeing. seeing you.  ❞ ❝  i wonder which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness?  ❞ ❝  whether you come as a lover or an exeutioner, i am ready to receive you.  ❞ ❝  i think i understand your longing. it looks so much like mine.  ❞ ❝  i’ve had so many knives stuck into me. when they hand me a flower, i can’t quite make out what it is.  ❞ ❝  i like the sea: we understand one another. it is always yearning, sighing for something it cannot have; so am i.  ❞ ❝  do i not live? badly, i know, but i live.  ❞ ❝  something of you stuck with me. a splinter.  ❞ ❝  i clung to your hands so that something human might exist in the chaos.  ❞ ❝  sometimes i shut my eyes, and shut my heart towards you, and try hard to forget you because you grieve me so, but you’ll never go away. oh you never will.  ❞ ❝  my golden love, if only you knew, what precious honey you are for me.  ❞ ❝  i had an old wound once, but it is healing.  ❞ ❝  always this in-betweenness, this almost, this it might be that...  ❞ ❝  when i close my eyes, i see you. when i open my eyes i want to see you.  ❞ ❝  dark as it is --- you see, that little flickering, is the light of my soul.  ❞ ❝  am i a monster or is this what it means to be a person?  ❞ ❝  i am talking about evil. it blooms. it eats. it grins.  ❞ ❝  sapphires are those eyes of yours, ravishingly sweet.  ❞

[stolen-pen-name23]

Any prompt you want. I just want some Padme and Obi-wan friendship (yes, I’m aware these are angst prompts. I don’t care)

Hello my friend! Here's my final prompt fill from this round! Thanks for the prompt! //prompts now closed

Here ya go!

---

“You cannot possibly go like this.”

“Yes, I can,” Anakin says, panting slightly.

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow at Anakin, standing over his former apprentice as he leans heavily over the toilet bowl. Anakin groans and allows his body to fall back against the wall.

With a concerned “hmm,” Obi-Wan crouches down beside Anakin and places a palm on his forehead. The younger Jedi pulls back but is unable to elude Obi-Wan for long. He is concerned but not surprised by the heat that greets his palm. Sweaty hair tangles in Obi-Wan’s fingers as he tries to smooth it back. His concern deepens when Anakin stops resisting his touch.

“Oh, Padawan,” Obi-Wan says, slipping into the old title like it’s muscle memory. He grabs a damp towel and dabs it at Anakin’s sweaty forehead. “This isn’t good.”

Shivers course through Anakin’s whole body and his cheeks are flushed pink with fever.

“I can still go, M’ster,” Anakin says, though it comes out as more of a whine than an assurance. “Please, Obi-Wan. I can’t disappoint Pa– Senator Amidala.”

“Anakin, you can’t even stand up without keeling over,” Obi-Wan says. “How do you think you’re going to last through a whole senatorial ball?”

“I can stand,” Anakin pouts. As if to demonstrate his point, Anakin climbs to shaky feet. “See? I’m st–”

Anakin sways and his knees buckle. Obi-Wan takes a heavy step forward and grabs a hold of Anakin before he can collapse again.

“You were saying?”

“Shudup.”

Anakin’s face is pressed into Obi-Wan’s chest and he sags into him.

“Come on,” Obi-Wan says. “Let’s get you to bed and out of that suit. You won’t be wearing it tonight I’m afraid.”

“But Padmé…”

“I’m sure Senator Amidala will do just fine for a night,” Obi-Wan reassures, dragging Anakin down the hallway.

“She’s gonna be all ‘lone,” Anakin slurs, and Obi-Wan can feel guilt and disappointment clouding Anakin’s Force presence.

“She’s a very strong woman, Anakin, she’ll manage.”

“But I promised,” Anakin whines.

“She’ll forgive you, she’s very kind,” Obi-Wan says.

“I know,” Anakin says wistfully. “She’s just the best.”

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. “Come now, Anakin, let’s get you in bed before you say something I’m going to have to pretend to forget.”

“Kay,” Anakin says, too delirious to truly catch Obi-Wan’s meaning.

Like any good Master would, Obi-Wan helps Anakin out of his fancy suit and provides him with fresh, soft tunics to sleep in.

“Get in bed,” Obi-Wan commands, leaving no room for argument. “I’ll be right back.”

Anakin grumbles but slides under his sheets.

Shaking his head, Obi-Wan heads to the kitchen and pours some tea he made shortly before he found Anakin hurling his guts out. It was still warm, but not scalding — perfect for Anakin who has an impatient streak a mile wide.

He returns to Anakin’s room to find him with half-closed eyes and an arm wrapped tightly around his abdomen.

“Drink this,” Obi-Wan says, handing the tea over to Anakin. “It will settle your stomach.”

“What about Padmé?” Anakin says again.

Obi-Wan frowns. He does feel bad that Padmé will be left without a date to the senatorial ball. He glances over to the chair where he draped Anakin’s tie and groans internally. Obi-Wan hates senatorial balls.

But he cares about Anakin and he cares about Padmé.

With a long-suffering sigh, Obi-Wan pulls out his commlink.

“Master Kenobi?” Padmé answers. Her expression is passive, but her voice betrays her confusion. “Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine, Senator, but I’m afraid there has been a change of plans.”

***

A gentle knock at the door tells Obi-Wan his date for the night has arrived to pick him up.

“Hello, Master Kenobi.”

The young senator is radiant in her evening gown. Fine lace patterns web over the length of her slender arms, but cut off at her shoulders, leaving them bare. The rest of the gown, a solid, navy blue, cascades down her body just as a waterfall might plunge from a mountainside. She is a dazzling sight and Obi-Wan thanks the stars that Anakin is asleep in his bed and not out here attempting to prove his healthiness. If illness didn’t make Anakin fall at her feet, this dress would certainly do the trick.

“Thank you for meeting me here,” Obi-Wan says. “It is not the most chivalrous thing, but I’m afraid I was short on time.”

“What you’re doing is chivalrous enough, Master Kenobi,” Padmé says. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course, I did. I could not possibly let you get stood up, especially by a Padawan of mine.”

Padmé giggles. “It’s hardly his fault.”

“Oh, I know, but giving him a hard time is much more fun than giving him my pity,” Obi-Wan says. “Give me one moment, Senator. I just need to find… ah, here it is.” Obi-Wan grabs the tie he had thrown haphazardly on the kitchen counter while he was getting ready.

He had rushed to throw together an outfit that would be acceptable for the ball and was pleased to find that his blue coat coordinated quite well with Padmé’s gown.

The tie is made of a silky material and his fingers fumble with the unfamiliar article of clothing. Qui-Gon taught him how to do this a long time ago. Now if only he could remember which way to pull…

“Let me,” Padmé says gently.

“Pardon?”

“You’re hopeless. Let me do it.” Padmé strides over to him and takes each side of the tie in either hand.

“I assure you, Senator, I am perfectly capable–” Obi-Wan starts as he tries to grab hold of the tie again. Padmé bats his hand away.

“Stop that,” she says. He squirms backward but she grabs hold of his shoulder to pull him back. “Hold still, would you?”

Obi-Wan sighs in defeat and allows Padmé to finish the knot. She carefully tucks the tie under his collar and she brushes her hands over his shoulders. “There. You look dashing.”

He smiles softly at her. “Thank you, Padmé. You look quite beautiful yourself.”

She bows her head graciously.

“Where is Anakin?”

His smile tightens into a grimace. “He’s asleep. I hope he stays that way. I gave him something for the nausea in hopes that it will help him sleep.”

Obi-Wan can sense her conflicting emotions in the Force and he already knows what she is going to ask.

“Are you sure he will be okay by himself?”

“He should be fine for a few hours. If not, he knows I will have my comm on me, though I anticipate we’ll be back before he wakes. Unless, of course, this is not the stuffy senatorial ball I was promised?”

“I’m afraid it is the stuffy senatorial ball you were promised.”

“Very well,” Obi-Wan says, extending an arm for Padmé to link hers around. “Let’s get on with it shall we?”

***

“You’re a good dancer,” Padmé observes.

“You don’t need to sound so surprised,” Obi-Wan says, before twirling her around. Her dress splays out, its flared edges brush his legs.

“I’m not,” she says. “I suppose it’s a Jedi thing?”

Obi-Wan laughs at the mental image of Yoda dancing at a senatorial ball. “It is hardly a Jedi thing.”

“Anakin is a good dancer too,” Padmé argues.

“And pray tell, who do you think taught him?”

“Fair enough,” Padmé concedes and then she laughs.

“Something funny?”

“No, it’s just… I’m picturing you teaching a teenaged Anakin how to dance.”

“Yes, looking back it was probably quite amusing. It was less funny in the moment when he managed to step on all of my toes.”

Padmé laughs even more and the musical cadence of it blends in with the song the band is playing.

“So, Master Kenobi,” Padmé says. “Who taught you to dance. I’m having a hard time picturing Qui-Gon doing it.”

“That would be because he didn’t teach me,” Obi-Wan says.

“Then who did?”

Obi-Wan thinks back to a time long ago — to two kids and a Jedi master on the run. Blonde tresses and the gleam of beskar. Long nights under star-speckled skies.

“An old friend,” he says.

“Your friend did a good job.”

“She was a good teacher — stubborn and willful — but a good teacher nonetheless.”

One song ends and another begins.

Obi-Wan and Padmé continue their dance through the magnificent ballroom, their steps falling perfectly in time with the music and with each other.

“Thank you again for doing this. I know this kind of thing isn’t… well… your thing.”

“All things considered, being in good company certainly makes it more tolerable,” Obi-Wan says.

“Oh, only ‘tolerable’?” Padmé says with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“Maybe after another glass of champagne, it will verge into enjoyable.”

Padmé grins brightly as he spins her around again. On beat with the music, she steps back perfectly into place, one hand in his, the other on his shoulder.

“You’re a good friend, Obi-Wan,” Padmé says. “To me and to Anakin.”

“Thank you, Senator. You’re a good friend too.” He pauses, but then adds on, “to me and to Anakin.”

Padmé bites her lip and averts her gaze. “Do you think he’s okay?”

Obi-Wan feels the tension in her body as she asks the question and he can tell she has been wanting to ask it for some time. Her worry clouds the Force, but he parses through it to poke at the bond he shares with Anakin.

“He’s fine,” Obi-Wan reassures. Padmé’s shoulders remain rigid. “I would be able to sense if he were not. He’s fine, Padmé.”

Padmé relaxes at his words and returns to gently swaying with the rhythm. They move together, perfectly in sync with one another.

Only a few heartbeats more, and the song finds its end. Obi-Wan bows to Padmé and she inclines her head in polite acknowledgment.

“Another dance?” he asks.

“Maybe in a little while. Let’s see about getting you that glass of champagne first, shall we?”

“You read my mind, Senator.”

Arm in arm, they walk together laughing and smiling — not as a Jedi and a senator, but as two friends enjoying the simple pleasure of one another’s company.

[arduadastra]

Imagine Mando fucking you with one of his weapons ugh

A/N: Anon this has been on my mind far too long and I have so MANY thoughts about this (all of them NSFW) so enjoy my feral ramblings under the cut and I'll go repent while you do.

My masterlist

18+ ONLY Warnings: Dom/Sub vibes, F!Reader, Dark!Mando, breath play and a hint of Daddy kink.

Okay so first of all, no one can tell me that 'weapons are part of my religion' mando hasn't thought about fucking someone with a blaster or the end of his pulse rifle...like it's common sense and this man has some dirty thoughts.

He definitely considered it when you came along and even more so when you first slept together but it takes him a while to find the courage (or the confidence). He's definitely not vanilla in bed, you're both keen explorers of each other's bodies but it's never anything too extreme. Then he gets the dark sabre.

You notice a change in Din almost immediately. You're not sure if it's just the loss of Grogu or the all-new responsibility on his shoulders but Din hardens. He grows distant from you for a few days, barely speaking or acknowledging your existence - all too consumed by the burn of the sabre blade. You find him often in the darkness of the ship just turning it over in his hands then quickly shutting it off when he notices you staring.

You decide to call him out on it, he comes back from a bounty hunt a little later than usual and you make a snide comment, something like 'King of Mandalore can't even keep the time?' and he's on you. You barely have time to breathe before he's pressing you into the wall and grabbing your jaw, 'And if so, is that any way to talk to a King?" You're embarrassed at how quickly you soak your panties.

Din doesn't even undress you, he rips the clothes off your body and unclips the sabre from his belt, voice lethal and low 'let me show you what else I can do with this little one. You won't be so mouthy once we're through with you.'

Since when did Din refer to the sabre as a living thing?

Din's hand travels down and grips your throat just shy of too tight and you gasp, his other resting against your mound as he slips a bare finger inside, he growls "So wet already? You like this adi'ka? Like it when I use you?"

Of course, you do. You've never seen this side to him before, he's like a whole new person and it excites you. You manage a nod, no noise making it past the grip of his hand and your hand flexes in mid-air. Din groans now and pulls the sabre closer, brushing your wet pussy with it and your head swims with the implication. This weapon is now an extension of Din, no longer a separate part, the reason so many people have died...and he wants to fuck you with it.

You let him.

When he first pushes it in he released his grip on your throat to hear you hiss, it's like he enjoys the reaction you give so you moan louder and you think back to a previous encounter when you call out to him, remembering his reaction "Daddy...please...more...I can take it."

A feral rumble erupts from deep within his chest and slams the sabre to its hilt. You weep, tears leaking from your eyes as your orgasm looms dangerously close as you plead, "I'm close, I'm so close please, please let me cum." But he denies you, using his free hand to now release his cock and sets a brutal pace of both his hand and the weapon inside you, absolutely delirious on the control he has on your body, "Good girls cum, you've been bad. Earn it or I'll leave you here like this."

You grasp his cock, moaning at how hard he is and he punches the wall beside your head as you pick up the pace, matching his own thrusts inside you and you call out to him, "Let me watch you cum, let me make you cum please, mark me Din, mark me up, make me filthy." You try something new, "My king." and it works, Din shouts your name, it rattles through his filter and thrusts up, his cum hitting your stomach in thick ropes and he punches again, this time hitting the wall so hard it vibrates your entire body.

His helmet looks up as you begin licking your fingers and he shakes it as if to clear a haze and brings his own fingers to your clit, sabre still shoving in and out. He murmurs almost incoherently as he finally brings you to the brink "Good girl. Always so good, swallowing me up, gonna make you cum. Only me, mine, mine, mine. Cum for me" and you do.

You slump against the wall, both of you breathing harshly into the emptiness of the crest and you jump as Din grazes a soft hand to your cheek as he removes the sabre from you. He says nothing as he drops the sabre to the floor, still wet from your slick and carries you to the bed.

He drops you and immediately covers you with his body, beskar and all, a comforting yet possessive claim. He uses his cape as a blanket as he rubs a hand up your back, his sudden softness a stark juxtaposition to how he destroyed you moments before.

After this, you realise Din just needs to release sometimes, like the sabre builds up to something dark within him that needs to be (quite literally) fucked out before it claims him again. You both establish a healthy pattern, one that leaves him more like himself and you pleasantly sore. He's always apologetic afterwards either through his actions or words but you never mind, as long as you have each other, you're both happy (and if sometimes you purposefully push him too far, who else would know?)

Send me something

[13uswntimagines]

Secret Santa (Alex Morgan x Reader)

Reader is in the military and surprises her wife and daughter (with a little help from Preath). Merry Christmas from @literaryhedgehog and Me!!!

“Little bit still hasn’t told you what she wants for Christmas yet?” Kelley asked, munching on some pretzels and hummus.  

Alex rolled her eyes sliding into a seat next to her. “No, she utterly convinced that it won’t come true if she tells anyone but Santa.” 

“Didn't she write a letter? Why didn’t you just take a peek?” Tobin interjected, sitting on Kelley’s other side. Her fiancé had been so excited to have her niece for the day. 

“She mailed it to god knows where with Christen before I could,” Alex sighed, shaking her head. She had been fine with the whole mailing letters thing (actually watching your four-year old try to write out something heartfelt in blue crayon was kinda adorable), but then Camren had insisted on mailing it herself. Alex felt a little bad for the person in Antarctica who was getting the random letter. 

“Damn,” Kelley huffed, blowing her cheeks out, trying to drum up ideas. 

“Yeah, apparently it’s a Press family tradition or whatever, and Chris did it because Y/n isn’t here to. If she was she at least could have curbed some of her enthusiasm long enough to take a picture of the letter.” Alex grumbled, chewing thoughtfully on a pretzel. Your big sister had been picking up a lot of slack while you were away with the SEALs, but it just wasn’t the same as having you there. 

“We hired a Santa, so just listen to whatever she tells him,” Tobin shrugged, a look that Alex didn’t recognize crossing her features. 

“And pray to god it gets here overnight,” Kelley snorted. Hopefully whatever Camren wanted could be found at a local Walmart. 

 *****

The holiday party was in full bustle. There were benefits to doing training in Florida, so while Camren still had her heart set on snow for christmas, the adults had strung the outdoor tent with string lights and decorated it with holly and mistletoe. Camren had promised to eat at least two bites of every food there -- even the healthy ones that looked weird (her words not Alex’s) -- before she ate too many of Emily’s double chocolate chunk brownies, and so Alex was feeling rather proud of herself. She and her daughter were both there, dressed up, and only 15 minutes late for the party-- not bad for single parenting skills. Maybe after Camren was done talking to Santa, Carlie or Lindsey could be persuaded to babysit for a bit so Alex could go introduce herself to that lovely bottle of merlot she saw hiding in the corner. 

Alex was surprised with how comfortable her daughter seemed on Santa’s lap. Camren was a bit nervous walking over, but it was nothing compared to her fear last year, when she had bawled until you eventually gave up and held her behind the poor man. Perhaps it had to do with how tenderly the poor suited person seemed to hold the small child, and the little glimmer in their eyes. . 

Santa’s eyes met Alex’s for a split second, and the sense of security the slight contact brought her was slightly alarming. They looked so familiar and sent warm tingles through her chest. 

“Did you get my letter?” The little girl asked, drawing the bearded one’s attention back to her. Alex bit her lip, there was no way this random stranger got the letter addressed to Rudolph at the North Pole. 

The Santa nodded, their features softening. “I did. It seems you were very concerned about your mama getting her gift?”

The little girl nodded rapidly. “How do you know where to take it, if she’s on top secret missions all da time?” Her brow furrowed, “what if she doesn’t have a chimney to hang her stocking on?”

“I just know. Remember I know if you’ve been good or bad, or if you move. I promise she’ll get everything she wants. Now back to you. What do you want for Christmas?” Santa tried to explain. 

The little girl thought for a moment, her finger tapping on her chin, before she leaned up to cup the person’s ear. She whispered a few words, leaned back to look the bearded person in the eye. The (very fake) white beard at the top of the red coat bobbed up and down in a nod, and Alex saw a sparkle in their eye as their lips twitched above it. 

“Well that’s quite the order.” 

“Pwease? Its not that tall, and It’s the only thing I really want,” Camren pouted, pulling the puppy dog eyes that never ceased to make her parents melt. This was important, and if she only got one real chance to talk to the person who could make it happen, she wanted them to know just how much she wanted it. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” the Santa said, nodding seriously and stroking the beard as Camren jumped up and ran back to Alex. 

“What did you ask for?” Alex whispered. Good grief, wasn’t the whole point of hiring a Santa to hear what the munchkin wanted?

“Can’t say. Want it to happen,” Camren whispered back, twirling slightly as she buried herself in the hem of her mom’s skirt. This was going to be the best Christmas ever. 

****

Alex smiled widely as the Santa pulled another wrapped present from the gaudy red bag. It was a nice spin on their usual tradition, and she just hoped Pino didn’t get her for a secret Santa. That woman forgot every year, and Alex’s name hadn’t come up yet and that bag looked suspiciously empty. No wait, there was one- nope, that was Beckey’s present from Alyssa. Maybe there was a gift card in there somewhere? Alex looked down at Camren, who despite practically nodding off in Sonnet’s arms an hour ago, had woken up during the secret santa exchange. She was now sitting on the ground playing with the toy horses, blind to her surroundings.

“Hey, um Kelley? Who was running the secret santa exchange again?” Alex whispered, grabbing her arm. “I think my person forgot to get me a present.”

“What?” Kelley, turned to her shocked. “I think maybe Tobin was in charge this year, we’ll ask her if someone wrote down who your person was.”

“Oh that’s not necessary,” Christen’s voice broke in. Alex and Kelley turned to look at her and Tobin, who were standing with a very confused Emily.  “I’m really sorry, we just didn’t get a chance to wrap your gift. You’ll get it at the end of the party.” 

“Isn’t it like against the rules for Christen to get Alex since they actually spend Christmas together every year?” Sonnett whined. If she couldn’t buy presents for Lindsey, and Sam couldn’t do it for Kristie then that totally wasn’t fair.Sister-in-law and fiance-of-sister-in-law definitely had an unfair advantage on the ”knowing what presents to buy” front. She had to buy Jullie’s gift, and had just settled on some tea-rex patterned socks and a starbucks gift card. 

Lindsey glared in her direction. “Can it disonny,” she wasn’t about to let her girlfriend mess up a surprise that had been 6 months in the making. 

“It’s fine Chris, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Alex smiled sadly. 

“I mean that would have been cruel since Camren has been campaigning pretty hard for your present,” Christen snorted. It was all your daughter could talk about. She had even harassed every Santa she saw while they went Christmas shopping, and wrote several letters (that she forwarded to you) about the issue. 

“She told you what she wants, and you didn’t tell me?” Alex asked exasperated. She had been fighting with your daughter for a month to know what she actually wanted. Why on earth would she tell her aunt but not her mom? She was going to have to have a conversation with Camren about how Santa had different rules from wishing on a star or a birthday candle. Namely that she should tell her mom what she wanted!

Christen shrugged, a smile pulling at her lips, though Alex didn’t know what she was so amused about. “Well, it was for you, so I get a pass,”

“I for one think that Christen’s present is totally on point, even if it’s wrapped in ugly, sweaty red velvet,” A new voice joined the conversation, just as arms wrapped snugly around Alex’s waist. 

Alex froze, her eyes going wide and her mouth opening and closing several times. 

You chucked from behind her, spinning her around so you were face to face for the first time in almost a year. 

“Hi love.”

“Holy shit,” Alex breathed. Her hands reached up to touch your cheeks, the sense of touch confirming what she couldn’t trust her eyes to see. 

“Surprise,” You mumbled, leaning in and finally connecting your lips. You sighed into the kiss, thoroughly enjoying the way they moved together, and the taste of your wife. She impatiently pulled down the beard when you paused to breathe, and your hands found her hips, pulling her closer, while her fingers tangled in that baby hairs at the base of your neck. “Let’s do that again,” you said, your breath fanning against her lips before she pulled you back in. You had an awful lot of time to make up for. 

“Why is mommy kissing Santa Claus,” Camren asked from somewhere below your feet. You were fairly certain you heard one of your wife’s teammates explaining in the background that Santa left a little while ago, and Mama had just dressed like him to surprise Mommy. You were a tad busy to explain anything right now.