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whispering-ways · 1 year

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Hello! I was wondering if you could make a Dom!Gyomei x Fem!Hashira!reader smut?

๑✧♡ heart to heart ♡✧๑

✧ summary: you are a recent hashira who's been assigned on a mission with gyomei

✧ pairing: gyomei himejima x f!reader

✧tags: cursing, fingering (f! receiving), nicknames like baby, sweetheart and daddy

✧ notes: i'm sorry for the delay in fics, but I'm working through all my tasks rn! i've been applying to grad school so i haven't had much time to write •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ but now that's done with, I can start pumping out some more fics ♡ i might write a part two to this with more smut if people like it but idk

You just finished training and were about to gather your things to relax when you felt a large hand on your shoulder. “Hey there! I couldn't help but notice your impressive training session! As a newcomer, you were quite remarkable! But next time, I feel you should improve your stance and work on....”

“Ugh, there he goes again,” you think, listening to Gyomei list out some improvements you could make to be a better Hashira. You tuned his words out and tried your best not to get irritated, but you couldn’t help it. He was always correcting your technique and giving you advice when you didn’t even ask for it.

You understood that it was probably because you had just recently become a Hashira, but his comments were unneeded in your book. You couldn’t place all the blame on him though; it was Kagaya after all that told his right-hand Hashira to take care of you and ‘help you feel welcome’. Nevertheless, it still pissed you off. It’s not like you didn’t know you needed improvement. It was just him saying it that annoyed you.

You knew you probably should keep an open mind before judging Gyomei. It’s not like he was a bad person; he was a kind and nice person, but something about his holier-than-thou attitude just made all his ‘observations’ come across as patronizing to you. I mean, you never asked for his opinion to begin with. If you needed someone’s opinion, you would just ask Kagaya. You rolled your eyes, wondering when Gyomei would just leave you alone.

“Ah, I regret that I failed to mention it earlier, but Kagaya-sama has entrusted us with a mission. I was initially supposed to undertake it solo, but he believes having both of us together would be advantageous. It seems he has faith in your abilities, but he also believes having me by your side for your first mission could aid in your personal growth,” he said with a hint of a smile. That was new; he never smiled.

“Weird, but you know what, good for him. It wouldn’t hurt to smile once in a fucking while. Crying all the time has got to be making his eyes hurt. But there he goes being patronizing again. You wouldn’t be surprised if Gyomei was the one who really suggested it to Kagaya rather than the other way around.

Regardless, you nodded your head and asked some more details about the mission. He let you know that you both had to set out on your journey at 6 a.m. sharp tomorrow. So you gave him another nod of understanding, hoping that’d indicate you wanted to be left alone. Thankfully he got the message and shortly after walked away, leaving you to spend the rest of the day getting the relaxation you knew you deserved.

You woke up early the next day to pack a bit for the 2 day trip ahead of you. After gathering a few things and putting them into a bag, you headed out to meet Gyomei. Luckily, it didn’t take you long to find him. As you opened your door to see him standing right outside your door. “Jesus, you scared me. Couldn’t you at least knock or something?,” you asked, already annoyed with him.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’ll make sure to do that next time we go on a mission.”

It was almost cute that he thought you’d want to do another mission with him. You would rather eat a bag of nails for breakfast instead; the only reason you were going on this mission was because you didn’t want to be rude to Kagaya.

You close your door behind you and let out an exasperated sigh, readying yourself for the journey. “Okay, as long as you’re ready, let’s get going then.” Gyomei grabbed a small bag behind him, threw it above his shoulder and said, “That’s the spirit! Starting early is always the best!”

After about 30 minutes of walking, you’d both finally reached the grassy mountain you needed to trek to get to your final destination. You weren’t gonna lie, just the thought of trekking it made you tired, but you needed the mission experience, so you trudged forward.

It didn’t help that Gyomei was so far ahead; it was like he was rubbing in your face how much better he was than you. He stopped for a second to look around, which gave you just enough time to catch up with him. “Can’t you slow down? Your pace is like a giant’s, there’s no fucking way I can keep up,” you exclaim.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize, sweetheart. I’ll be sure to slow down a bit! Please forgive me!” he said, tears rolling down his face.

“It’s fine, just...let’s get going,” you replied, continuing to walk along the path. You regretted asking him to slow down a couple of minutes later when he tried making small talk by asking millions of questions. If walking way off from you was irritating, then this was just pure hell.

You’re sure he can tell how pissed you are; your tight-lipped smile showed nothing but disdain for all his questions. But he just kept on talking anyway. A few minutes later and after trying to ignore him, you give up and decide to succumb to some small talk. You talked to him for a little bit about the mission, but that didn’t last too long as you noticed a slight drizzle start to cover the mountain.

The two of you started closer to the trees near you, hoping that their large spanning branches would keep you both somewhat dry. All chances of that happening left once the light drizzle turned into a heavy pour. There was no way that you both could continue your journey without getting hurt since the earth beneath you had become absolutely slick with water.

You two decided to wait out the rain and find shelter to keep you both dry for the time being. After what seemed like forever, you finally spot a broken-down house in your periphery and quickly get Gyomei’s attention, dying to get out of the rain as soon as possible.

“Look, there’s a house or something over there,” you say pointing at the building. “Let’s head there and hope the family is hospitable enough to let us stay there for a bit till the sky clears up.” You start walking in the direction of the house without even waiting for a reply from Gyomei, who starts wordlessly walking behind you.

As you get closer to the house, you notice how delipidated it really is. It seemed that no one had lived there in years. Almost all the windows were either cracked or completely broken; dust and cobwebs were littered in each corner of the house.

“Well it’s not a palace but at least it’ll keep us out of the rain,” you said, wiping off some dirt so you could finally sit down. You stretched your legs, sighing in relief, glad to finally catch a break.

You closed your eyes, enjoying the peaceful sound of the rain. The peace didn’t last too long as you heard some rustling noises behind you. You turn around to see Gyomei pull out a sleeping bag from his backpack along with a lantern.

“I think that the rain isn’t going to let up anytime soon, so I’m setting up for the night. I think the best decision is to sleep here tonight and start on our journey tomorrow,” he explains, sitting on his bed. “If you’d like, I can set up your bed as well.”

“It's fine, I didn’t even bring a bed anyway. If we have to sleep here tonight, I’ll just sleep on the floor,” you say, turning around. “Besides, it’ll work out the kinks in my back.”

“Nonsense, I insist you take the sleeping bag then!” Gyomei retorted.

“No I’m fine, you use your bed; you’re the one that brought it. I’ll be fine.”

“If you insist,” he says, continuing to set up. He pulled out some supplies from his bag to light the lantern and in a few moments, the whole house was filled with golden light, making the space as comfy as it could be.

But unfortunately, not even the warmth the lantern brought helped to make the house any less cold. The rain kept pouring and with it came a frigid breeze that swept through all corners of the house.

You tried to keep it discreet but there was no hiding the chattering of your teeth. Gyomei soon picked up on it too. At first, he did his best not to comment; after all, it did seem like you wanted your own space. But his worry for you took over and he yet again asked “Hey, are you sure you don’t want the bed?”

“Ugh..I told you I’m fine. It’s your bed, use your bed,” you replied back, annoyed he kept pressing the issue.

“Are you really fine? I can hear your shivers from here. I know it’s cold and the bed is quite spacious anyway so it wouldn’t be too much trouble at all,” Gyomei said scooting over to offer a spot on the sleeping bag. You couldn’t lie, you were pretty cold so you gave in and agreed to share the bag. You stood up and sat down next to him, leaving ample space between you two.

A few moments pass by with nothing but the sound of rain to fill in the awkward silence between you two. This was soon broken though when Gyomei said “So...what do you think about being a Hashira?

“Jesus fucking Christ, why’d he have to say something,” you thought, internally cringing at the fact that you now had to make small talk. “Uhh..well I guess it's um... good I guess. I don’t really know what to say,” you reply as you look towards the ground and lantern, anywhere besides Gyomei’s face.

“Ah, that’s wonderful! I’m glad you’re having a good start! I hope you like the other Hashira, they are like family to me,” he says, a small smile spreading across his face.

“Oh, cool. That’s always...uhh...real nice I guess,” you say, trying to remain as cold as possible. Your plan was to get him off your back and to leave you alone, but as time passed on, it didn’t seem like you were ever going to shake him off as he told you many stories of the other Hashira.

“I know we must be together for our line of work, but I truly consider all the Hashira my close friends. Or well, at least most of them I think...” he said, trailing off. You couldn’t help but be intrigued at the end of his sentence.

Now you were never one to gossip, but you were definitely a sucker for a bit of tea, and his phrasing definitely showed signs of a bit of tea. I mean Gyomei? Having beef with someone? Unheard of.

“Oh come on, you can’t just drop a statement like that without spilling the tea...” You press,, not prepared to give up. “No details, no good tea.”

You could see Gyomei squirming around a bit, debating whether he should explain or not. After a little bit, he sighs and looks at you, as if preparing himself.

“Okay...it’s just, you, we don’t have that strong of a relationship. I feel like you just don’t like me for some reason and however I look at it, I can’t seem to figure out what I did.”

“Fuck, I should’ve kept my mouth shut,” you thought. You didn’t want to get into this conversation now, not ever really. But you couldn’t just leave him hanging like that. You buried your face in your hands, letting out a long sigh. “It’s not that I don’t like you. I don’t have problems with you.”

“Then what is it because there must’ve been something I did. Everything we talk you just seem tired and annoyed,” Gyomei said.

“Look, I don't hate you, but sometimes it feels like I'm just an inferior version of you. Like, when you're so good at what you do, it's hard to feel like we're on the same level. And sometimes, these little comments you throw at me, even if you don't mean them in a bad way, make me feel like I'm not good enough for us to be equals.

I mean, you're like a prodigy with so much experience. It's hard not to feel like I'm always lagging behind you, you know?" You were doing your best to explain how you felt, but just hearing yourself made it obvious to you that your disdain was immature.

“For me, you’ve always been my equal. You’ve got a solid foundation of abilities and experience that match up with my own. However, things felt pushed too fast for me; I never got the chance to properly settle into being a Hashira. I’m doing my best to get a hang of this new position, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel like I’m falling short of everyone. So I guess in that sense, I really am not your equal,” Gyomei says, looking down to the floor.

There's a quiet gap between you two before you say, "...Yeah, I guess I judged you pretty quickly. I should've been more open to what you had to say, but I wanted to be a perfect Hashira, you know? Taking criticism is just a little hard for me, but I'll work on that in the future." You feel somewhat foolish after talking about how you felt; none of this coldness was really necessary to begin with - your dislike towards Gyomei felt almost useless.

"I apologize if my criticisms appeared more judgmental than I intended. However, in my opinion, you're already perfect like a diamond; you're a Hashira for a reason. Still, all diamonds require a bit of polishing, and that's all I was aiming for - to help you shine with some advice and techniques," he said cheerfully.

You have to admit, that comparison of his got you a little flustered. Yet, its sweetness gave you a lot of comfort. "Let's put this aside and be friends, alright? Let's start all over, and I'm sorry for not giving you a chance earlier," you say with a smile, shocked that you're actually having a conversation with Gyomei like this.

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s nice to see such a beautiful smile on you for the first time.” You look up at him, eyes wider than saucers. “Not that you aren’t pretty all the time...I mean..but you know that.” Gyomei said, red from head to toe.

You chuckle at Gyomei's flustered state, finding it endearing to see the big strong man reduced to a blushing mess. He's truly a sight to behold. "If I said you were a sight for sore eyes, I'd be selling you short," you comment in turn.

Out of nowhere, a gust of cold air hits your body, sending tingles down your spine. "Would you...uhh...like to come a little closer?" Gyomei proposes. "I noticed you shiver and I run pretty warm. I wouldn't mind a platonic cuddle to stay warm, if you're alright with that."

You never thought making up with him would mean that you’d be flirting with him, but you couldn’t complain. I mean he was hot and you wouldn’t mind messing around with him a little bit.

So you scooch a bit closer to him, your arms barely grazing his. He was right, he definitely was warm; you could feel the heat radiating off of him. But that still wasn’t enough to warm you up.

You're somewhat confused when you hear Gyomei laugh. He adjusts his position and spreads his legs apart, as if offering you a spot to sit. "Come, sit a little closer, there's no way you're feeling warm there," he says, patting the area between his legs.

Taken by surprise by his forwardness, you nonetheless place yourself between him, your legs resting against his. It's a little awkward between you, but you aren't one to back down from a challenge, and he IS rather warm.

You’d never really noticed the size difference between you two, but you definitely did now. His muscled thighs surrounds you, practically pressing your own togtether. He stretches back behind you to give you some space. You sit for a little bit and you both kind of sink into the feeling of being so close to him.

Gyomei looks down to you and asks, "Can I help keep you a little warmer?" Hesitant, you nod in agreement - but deep down, you can feel your cheeks get hot just by looking at him. This sudden rush feels like it's moving far too fast for anything meaningful to come out of it, but something about it just feels right.

He suddenly lifts you up and sits down in a cross-legged position, placing you right into his lap. The ease with which he picks you up surprises you, but you're not thinking about warmth at all now.

“How are you feeling now? Warmer?” Gyomei says.

"Yes, this...it feels pretty nice," you answer, leaning your back against his chest. At first, the touch of his hand on your thigh is nice - but once you've settled, it becomes almost...teasing. The warmth is nice, yeah, but enough teasing already, so you decide to make your own move.

You get up from his lap, leaving Gyomei worried he pushed too far. But that feeling dissipated once you sat back on his lap, now facing him with your legs wrapped around him. You looked up at him through your eyelashes to see him absolutely flustered. He puts his hands on your back bringing you closer. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were flirting with me Gyomei.”

He pulls back, a little shocked, but it doesn’t take him long to reply “Hmm... perhaps I am.”

“Oh yeah?”

The sexual tension is practically tangible, but you neither speak nor move as you gaze at his lips. Only your eyes speak; he understands and moves in for a passionate kiss.

The unexpected roughness is a surprise, but a welcome one, as you melt into his embrace and grasp for a hold on his neck, drawing him closer to you, your body flush against his. One hand reaches for his chest, using his necklace to pull him as close as he can be - his hands on your waist, just barely touching your hips.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue running along his own bottom lip, requesting entrance into your mouth. Once you opened your mouth, his tongue enters once more, and the sensation sent a wave of chills down your spine.

You slip your arms around his neck to pull him in closer, your body pressed against his as your skin ignites with a flame of excitement. He pulls you back slightly, exposing your neck to him, before diving in once more to to suck on your neck. You whine out under his touch, squirming with delight beneath him.

He bites down hard, leaving a hickey in his wake. He takes a moment to proudly admire it, only to pull you into his arms, leaving you mildly confused. He suddenly lifted you and placed you against the wall, his arms slamming at either side of you as he began to kiss you again.

Gyomei's hand slides down your side, coming to rest on the back of your knee. He uses his other hand to grab you firmly by your back and pull you in closer. You instinctively wrap your leg around his back, holding on tight now.

His hand departs from its prior position, as he casually caresses your inner thigh, his fingers brushing against your slit. He was taken aback to find that there were panties instead of the anticipated pair of shorts, but hey he wasn’t complaining. His fingers began to play with the edges of your panties, twirling them between his digits.

He eventually pauses and asks, "Are you okay if I go further?" as he begins to tease your slit with his fingers.

You nod wordlessly and he continues to kiss you. Your body trembles in anticipation as Gyomei's tender lips lightly graze yours. He pulls you close, and with a swift gesture, he removes your panties and tosses them to the side. The touch of his fingers sends electric shocks throughout your body.

Your body quivers with anticipation, your heart beating erratically as his lips trail down toward yours. He removes your panties with a swift motion, discarding them carelessly to the side. His skilled fingers lightly tease your clit, eliciting a muffled moan.

His middle finger circles your entrance, before plunging in with no warning. His finger was bigger and thicker than anything you’d ever felt before, so when he added another finger, it nearly overwhelmed you with pleasure.

You feel like your knees are about to give out, but your body can't help but squirm. Gyomei looks at you with a passionate glare. In a frustrated tone, he asks, "Sweetheart, you're gonna have to stop squirming around like that, how am I gonna make you feel good if you do?"

“I’ll do my best...not to~,” you moan out as he continues to relentlessy pound his fingers into your pussy.

“If you want more pleasure, you gotta call me daddy princess.”

"I...I promise not to squirm then daddy," you whine as you try to maintain a firm grip on your promise. However, despite your desperate efforts, you end up squirming more as you near climax.

Gyomei suddenly stops and states, "You're still squirming baby. You can't disobey your promise to daddy. But don't you worry, I have the perfect solution for this."

Gyomei's arm effortlessly slides towards the back of your knees and he slings you over his shoulder, leaving you in a state of shock. You start smacking his back, in hopes that he’d put you down.

Yet, instead of providing an explanation, Gyomei simply laughs. "I love how feisty you are," he comments, smacking your ass and leaving a glowing red handprint in its wake.

"Just you wait, baby. I'm gonna make you feel so good," he states, a playful gleam in his eyes. You stare up at him with anticipation, excited for what he was going to do next. Little did you know what the night had in store for you.

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redroomreflections · 3 months

Text

Gentle Hands Chapter 2

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha suspects Reader is in an abusive relationship and tries to convince her to leave

2/10

W/c: 7.7k

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Warning: Domestic violence

Note: Yes, I have a lot of WIPS sue me!

There were a few other people in the gym, but the noise of the punching bag bouncing under the weight of her fists drowned out their voices. The muffled noises coming from them only seemed to agitate her more as she reigned down on the bag. She’s been here for an hour already. She can’t say when she’ll stop. All she knows is that she’s angry. Natasha is upset with herself. It’s been three weeks since the last time she saw you. Three weeks since the last time she spoke to you. She stopped following you after you pleaded for her in the cafe to leave you alone. She wanted to do anything but. She wanted to follow you to your apartment and give that man a piece of her mind and then her fists. Who does he think he is? He doesn’t deserve you. He deserves an early grave.

She tries to push every violent thought about that man out of her mind as she punches again. She imagines the bruises she saw on your skin. No one else saw it but the way you winced. The way you tensed under his touch. It had her blood boiling. It took everything in her not to say anything. At first, she thought she was seeing things. She’s not the best at relationships herself. One thing she’s thankful for is being an expert in body language. She knows the differences in human emotions. She’s studied them extensively to be able to manipulate them. So when she saw how you went from opinionated and lively to meek and quiet under his gaze she knew something was wrong. Natasha breathes out a huff when Steve’s hands wrap around the punching bag. She glares at him as he supports it. She doesn’t stop. She doesn’t want to.

“What’s got the spider in such a mood?” Sam steps over to them. They’d been watching Natasha wail on this bag for a while. They figured they could just ask her what was wrong.

She pauses. Should she tell them? Was it their business to know? You’re their friend too. They miss you all the same.

“Have either of you talked to y/n?” She asks instead. She turns back to the bag. She doesn’t wait for an answer as she fixes her stance and gives the bag a mean right hook. It barely moves under Steve’s stronghold.

“Not in a while,” Steve’s pensive look annoys her just a bit more.

“She hasn’t answered.” Sam shrugs. “I sent her like fifty cooking videos. A guy can take a hint.” He shakes his head.

“She did quit without notice,” Steve begins. “I figured she just doesn’t want to talk to us. It happens.”

“It’s not her,” Natasha says between punches. She knows at that moment she needs to tell them. “She can’t.”

“What is she sick or something?” Sam asks. Natasha stops, dropping her hands beside her before she looks between them.

“She’s not sick. Her boyfriend gets handsy with her.” Natasha explains. “He’s controlling her.”

“What?” She can see the way Steve is going to react. She can tell the both of them will leave the tower right this second in search of you. In search of him. She holds up a hand.

“She didn’t admit it to me at first but I could see the bruises,” Natasha frowns. “That and he practically had her by her throat at Tony’s party.”

“Jesus,” Steve swears. He places a hand on his forehead. “Does she know that you know?”

“She does,” Natasha moves over to take a drink from her water bottle. “I talked with her a couple of weeks ago. She doesn’t want help.”

“It’s that easy? We have to go and get her. She has a kid. What if-” Steve begins but Natasha interrupts him.

“She doesn’t want the help,” Natasha says again. “I tried. She’s convinced herself it’s love.” Natasha frowns. She doesn’t fully understand the hold he has on you.

“Then we have to show her it’s not.” Steve doesn’t let his anger get the best of him. He’s blaming himself now. What if you get hurt? What if Kaia gets hurt? He’s never even met the little girl and he knows how much he wants to protect her. She’s yours. You’re one of his favorite people. How did he not notice? “We can help her leave.”

“Not if she doesn’t want to,” Natasha’s quiet admission is unsettling. They hadn’t thought about that. Did you want to leave?

“Statistically, it takes seven times for a domestic violence victim to leave before it’s for good.” Sam hates to give the numbers. He hates that they even have to be numbered.

“Seven?” It’s too many.

“Seven,” Sam confirms. “She may be ashamed or embarrassed. No one wants to admit they’re in such a vulnerable state. Having a kid just complicates things. With cases like this, I’m no expert, but if she doesn’t have the resources or the money he could win custody.”

“Even if he knocks her around?” Steve seethes. How did he miss this? He tries to comb through every single interaction he’s ever had with you. When he first met you, it was down in the lobby. It was a week into you working at the tower when he approached you. He was the only Avenger that would come down to personally get his packages. He enjoyed ordering drawing supplies off of Amazon. Apparently he only recently discovered it. You told him about a cool store named Michael’s just outside of the city that had tons of art supplies. So he invited you. On your lunch break, you showed him around the store. You were instant friends. He never had an inclination that you were in any sort of danger. He didn’t even know about your daughter. What kind of a friend did that make him?

“If there’s no paper trail or proof of any kind it’s tough,” Sam informs him.

“Don’t go blaming yourself, Cap.” Natasha places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“So how do we help?”

“Keep the line of communication open,” Natasha suggests. “I gave her a burner. I don’t know if he has her phone tied up or anything. I told her she can call any time.”

“If and when she comes we allow her to us with open arms,” Sam says. “I’m going to go and make lunch. You hungry?” Steve shakes his head 'no' while Natasha thanks him. “Keep me updated. I’ll keep sending her the videos.” It’s Sam’s way of bonding with you. The news of your situation has rocked both men to the core. Someone they know, someone they love, is being mistreated right under their noses and really there is nothing they can do.

Neither Natasha nor Steve speaks until Sam leaves the gym. Natasha takes another sip from her water bottle. She watches the emotions play out on Steve’s face. She knows the feeling. She feels guilty too.

“How didn’t I notice ?” Steve’s eyes trail up to Natasha.

“Sometimes when you’re going through things like that it’s easier to lie,” Natasha shrugs. “It becomes second nature.”

Steve wants her to elaborate a bit more. He wants to ask her how you’re doing. He has so many questions that he isn’t sure he wants the answer to. His biggest question is how Natasha became your point of contact. As far as he knew neither of you had ever hung out. He would see you converse in passing. He remembers a few times you asked Natasha for her input on a debate with the guys but nothing more. Nothing would lead him to believe either of you were even friends. No matter how he knows that Natasha cares. He could see it in her face that she was bothered by this entire thing. Who wouldn’t be? There was something else he could see on Natasha’s face.

“You like her,” He guesses. Natasha’s brow quirks.

“She’s likable, Rogers.” Natasha dismisses.

“No, it’s-” Steve presses.

“Save it,” Natasha ends whatever he wants to question. She walks out of the gym leaving him to his own devices. She doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. She can’t even entertain the idea. Even if you did leave Keith. Even if you did break up with him, what makes her better than him? She’s killed people for a living. She’s been even more violent than him. Somehow it doesn’t feel the same. She’s not necessarily worthy of someone so good. That doesn’t mean she won’t continue to try and help you.

***************************

If you walk long enough, you come to understand things you never would have realized before. Before living here, you took a car everywhere. Your hometown wasn’t really a walkable city. It’s not something that people did. So you never really paid attention to the people out on the streets. You didn’t have to memorize a bus route. You didn’t interact with the street vendors. Here everything is different. Each day, you’d walk aimlessly around New York City. You had no particular place in mind. You would go wherever your feet would take you. Sometimes you and Kaia would visit Tariq’s Halal Food. He has the most amazing chicken and rice plate. The spices are amazing and he always gives you a little something extra for the baby. Other times you check out the tourists in Times Square. They’re always so excited to be here. They love it. They walk past you without a care in the world.

At mile four, your body protested. You thought you couldn’t go another step. The motivation to remove yourself from the tension of your apartment only pushed you forward. Kaia deserves fresh air. She deserves to feel the tranquility of life outside of those walls. So every single morning, when Keith has left for work, you walk. He has a tracker on your phone. It’s a location app of some kind. He told you he needs to know where you are at all times. For safety.

“It’s too dangerous for such a young and beautiful girl to be in the city without protection.” The irony of that statement. He’s the person you really need protection from. He checks the app ever so often. He knows you won’t push the boundary he’s set. It’s not in you to fight back. You don’t really care to delete it as you know it’ll cause more problems. There will be more conflict. More bruises.

You don’t really have a spot in mind. You’re just walking through Central Park. You spot a park bench that will give you some reprieve from your sore legs. You tap down the stoppers of Kaia’s stroller to sit her beside your legs. She sits in her stroller so patiently. Her cheeks are rosy from the cool air of fall. She coos at the birds flying past. It almost sounds as if she’s mimicking them.

“Mama,” Kaia points a finger towards the pigeon walking past you two. She claps excitedly hoping to get the attention of the bird. "Mama!”

“It’s a bird,” You tell her. She repeats the word.

“Hi!” She waves towards the birds. The bracelet on her wrist jingles as her hand moves.“Hi!” She repeats louder. Her attempts are amusing. She stretches in the stroller. She wants a closer look. That probably won’t be a good idea but you will follow her. You reach over to unbuckle the belt. You hep her out to stand on her own two feet. Kaia crouches down, a determined look on her face, as she coos at the birds again. Her lips purse in frustration as she stands to go a bit closer.

“Hey, Kai, let’s not get too close.” You grab the back of her coat to keep her from going any further.

“No,” Kaia frowns. She shrieks loudly in protest ultimately scaring the birds away.

“You’re a handful you know that,” You laugh as you pick her up.

“Bur!” Kaia shouts into the open.

“I know but we have to be gentle with birds,” You go to sit back on the bench. You place Kaia in your lap but she fights against you. She wants to do the walking now. You allow her to move onto the bench on her own. She stands to look over the back of it. She seems so happy. So unaware. You take another picture of her. She’s bent over the bench, her chin over the top, as she peers down at whatever is on the ground below her. You scroll through your contacts to find your mom’s number. Your thumb wavers over the message button. You want to send her pictures. You want to send her updates. She would love Kaia. So would your dad.

Things have been rocky between you ever since you told them you would be following Keith to New York. They didn’t like the idea at all. They begged you to stay home. Your mom seemed to sense how he wasn’t a nice guy. You fought tooth and nail for them to believe that he is just misunderstood. He loves you. He wants the best for you. When you got pregnant you lost all of your contact with them. They still send you cards on holidays. Your mom still texts you Happy Birthday. You haven’t seen her face in so long. You want to hold her. You want to smell her again. She’s always managed to smell so good. You miss her cooking for you and curling up onto the couch next to you with one of her favorite books.

Keith has managed to isolate you from everyone you’ve ever known. Even now what are you supposed to do with that? Who could you tell? Who would you talk to? Who would want to listen to such a sad case? You can’t even fight back. You can’t even tell him to leave you alone. It’s a struggle every day and still, you stay. When you look at Kaia you have hope. She’s partially his too. Surely, someone who has helped to make something so sweet can’t be all too bad. It may seem dumb but you’re holding onto the small hope that he will change.

“Are you hungry, baby bird?” You ask Kaia. For a moment, you’re reminded of the recipes Sam keeps sending you on Instagram. You’ve turned off your read receipts. He won’t know if you’ve looked at them or not. You do. Every single one. Just like your mother, your finger hovers over the reply button. He wouldn’t care. You don’t really feel like pretending. “Do you want food?” You ask Kaia.

“Food!” Kaia repeats. She turns on the bench, almost toppling over, as she follows the sound of an airplane over you. Your hands catch her before she can fall.

“Okay, let’s go home and eat some food.” You tell her.

You take a long way home. You don’t know why but you pass the tower. You know you won’t be able to glimpse anything from any side. You wonder what everyone is doing tonight. You want so badly to go in. You want to knock on Natasha’s door. Will her offer still be there? You want to introduce them to Kaia. She would love everyone. For just a second you debate going in. You’re not sure that would be a good idea.

So, you push Kaia’s stroller past the building and down to the train. Lunch and a nap will do the both of you good.

****************

It’s the next day and Keith is home for the weekend. He’s not really paid attention to you which is a blessing on its own. Besides his forehead kiss in the morning, and a kiss on the cheek for Kaia he’s been in his own world. He left this morning for a run, he returned to finish up last-minute paperwork, and now he’s been playing his video game for hours. His mood seems decent enough and you stay out of the way. You’re making dinner tonight. A simple pot roast with carrots and potatoes. It’s from one of the recent recipes Sam sent you. This time you dared to reply with a heart. It’s the least you owe him.

“Oh, damn, take a shot!” He shouts into his mic. It seems like a pretty intense game. It’s basketball. You recognize it as the one you used to play together when you were first dating. Kaia is somewhere in front of him with her toys. She’s been pretty clingy today. All-day she’s been asking to be cuddled or carried. You don’t really mind it. Her attention has been turned towards Keith as he’s not usually home with her. She tugs at the leg of his shorts hoping to catch his attention. He doesn’t pay any mind to her. She’s not really fazed by his loud screaming. He plays video games every week.

You’re in the kitchen so you can’t really tell what’s going on. You can hear him shout again just as you pull the roast out of the oven. The music you have serves as background noise. You prepare a plate for you and Keith. There’s no sense in giving Kaia her own when she will just want to eat off of both of yours. You bring Keith his plate setting it on the coffee table.

“Thanks, babe,” Keith says too distracted by the game to say much else. Kaia looks at his plate in interest. She tugs at Keith’s shorts again. She wants to share.

“I can take her,” You say and Keith waves you off.

“No, she can sit with me.” He pauses the game to set Kaia onto his lap. He grabs the plate, avoiding her grabby hands, to poke through the food. Kaia leans back into his chest, she waits patiently for him to give her a mouthful. When he does she hums in appreciation. “This is really good. Why haven’t you made this before?”

You sit next to him with your food. You shrug.

“It’s a new recipe,” You inform him. He smiles down at the food before looking down at Kaia. He lets her take a hold of his fork and allows her to feed him this time. He even laughs when she misses most of his mouth. Kaia has that concentrated look on her face as she grabs more of the roast mashing it into her own mouth.

“She’s getting big,” Keith comments. You nod. “I want to bring her to work with me one day. Both of you.” He glances up to gauge your reaction.

“I’d like that,” You say.

“I think I have a big promotion coming up,” He sets his plate down to bounce Kaia in his lap. “Maybe then we could buy a house. A dog? Kaia would love a dog.” He kisses the top of her head. “Then we could get married. I know it’s out of order but I’ve been thinking.”

You stop mid-chew at his words. Everything in your mouth feels thicker as he continues to speak. Marriage? Did you really want to marry him? What would that mean for your future? It makes you sick to your stomach and you quickly try to hide the shock.

“Do you not want to get married?” Keith asks.

“No, I do,” You assure him. You hope it’s a convincing lie. “I just didn’t think this was the way you’d ask.”

“Oh,” Keith looks down at Kaia thoughtfully. “I didn’t think you were the type of girl that would want the whole proposal thing. I mean we’ve been together for four years now. I thought it was just implied.”

Just implied. Was he that out of touch with you and your feelings? Did he really not care? It’s upsetting that even with everything he’s put you through he can’t seem to get it right. Did he even love you?

Of course, he does. He’s here with you. He hasn’t left you. He’s the only one that hasn’t left.

“Okay,” You say finally.

“Good, we can spend as much as you want on the wedding,” Keith says. “Maybe even invite your friends? You think they would want to come?”

Would they? You’re not too sure you even want to invite anyone else.

“I’ll think about it,” You say. He seems satisfied with this answer as he bounces Kaia again.

When you’re both done with dinner Keith takes Kaia for a bath and puts her to bed. He’s giving you the night off. You take the time to put dishes away while listening to your favorite songs. You’re trying to ignore the dread filling your entire body.

Marriage?

You lean against the counter, pushing all of your weight against your palms, as you try to take deep breaths.

Marriage?

You try again to calm down when there’s a loud smack from Kaia’s bedroom followed by the sound of her crying. Your heart drops as you move to investigate. He hasn’t? He wouldn’t. The thing is you know her cries. You have every single one of them memorized. This one sounds different.

“Keith,” You say slowly. You’re afraid of what you’ll find in this room. You round the corner. Kaia is on the floor, seated on her bottom, with her hands against her face as she cries. She’s red with her eyes screwed up. He’s standing over her with a look of anger on his face.

“Fuck,” Keith shakes his head.

“What happened?” You ask. You move to pick Kaia up to console her and he stops you.

“No,” He says. “She kept trying to touch the outlet and I told her no. She wouldn’t listen so I slapped her hands.”

“Keith,” This time you say his name and it’s dripping with so much disappointment. You kneel to pick her up and this time Keith raises his hand to push against your chest.

“I said no. She needs to learn.” Keith frowns. “When I say no I mean it.”

“I know but she’s fourteen months old,” You look down at her. Her cries are louder as she realizes you’re not going to comfort her. “She’s going to test boundaries.”

“And like an idiot, you would have let her touch the outlet?” Keith looks at you with such disgust. “You have to be kidding me. You’re lucky I’m here or she would be terrible. I’m not raising a bad ass kid.”

“She’s not bad, Keith, she’s one year old.” You say firmly. You’re emphasizing her age. She shouldn’t have to learn through punishment like that. She’s only been on the Earth for fourteen months. He shouldn’t be hitting her. She won’t understand it. Chances are she’ll try it again. That doesn’t give him the right to violate her like this. You never discussed spanking with him. It’s not something you ever thought about doing. She’s so tiny and defenseless. She’s only curious and learning. Why would you hit her for that? “She doesn’t know. We can just put covers on the outlets.”

“What’s that going to solve?” He’s getting agitated. “You have to say no or she’s going to walk all over you. The only way she’s going to learn is a slight tap. It’s not like I hit her hard. She’ll be fine.”

You don’t care how much he justifies it. You don’t care if he thinks that she’s learned.

“Let me pick her up,” You beg him.

“Jesus, you’re so soft.” He walks out of the room, bumping his shoulder against you in the process. You ignore the slight pain to kneel down and take Kaia in your arms. “When she’s disrespecting you don’t call me to discipline her if you’re going to be so dramatic about it.”

You close your eyes at his words. You rub your hand soothingly along Kaia’s back as she cries into your neck. She lifts to show you her hand with a pout. More tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she tried to communicate what happened.

“Dada,” Kaia moans.

“I’m so sorry, Kai,” You take her hand to kiss it. You hold it against your lips as you rock the both of you. You take in a shaky breath.

“What happens when he hits her too?” Natasha’s voice resounds in your head. Was she right? Would he continue to hit her? Would he continue to hurt her? Would you keep allowing it?

Kaia lies her head against you as her cries quiet down. She’s depending on you to protect her and you can’t even do it.

***************************

There are days that go by and that night has been on your mind heavily. You’re lying in bed next to him as he sleeps. Everything in you is screaming for you to leave but you can’t. You can’t. What would change for you if you did? What did you have to offer the world?

**************************

The next incident happens a day later. Keith is coming home from a night with friends. He’s drunk and loud. He comes into the house singing some crazy show tune. He kicks off his shoes at the door and heads to the fridge with one purpose. Another beer. He pops it open with ease before taking a sip. He drinks a good quarter of it. His gaze is focused on a picture hanging on the wall in front of him. It’s one of you and Kaia. She’s only a few months old in that one. It’s a sweet picture as you smile down at her sleeping face. He remembers that day because he was there.

He can’t pinpoint a time where everything changed for him. Suddenly, he realizes he misses you. He invited you out but you declined. Mingling with his friends was the last thing you wanted to do. He turns off the kitchen light to head for your bedroom. He doesn’t stop to check Kaia’s. He knows that she’s sleeping.

He crawls over the covers in his clothes to lie on top of you. You stir under his touch as he presses kisses to your face and forehead. You groan hoping he’ll stop to let you sleep.

“Wake up,” He says. He lifts just slightly so you can lie on your back. He rests between your legs with his chin on your chest. Your hands find his hair in the darkness to comb through it.

“Keith, what time is it?” You mumble. It has to be pretty late.

“I don’t know,” He shrugs. “I missed you.” You peek your eyes open to look at him. He looks good like this. You can tell he’s drunk but you don’t mention it. He leans up to press a kiss against your lips. He kisses you soundlessly, long, hard, and a bit sloppy. He pushes the blanket from your legs. His hands find the hem of your shirt to push it to rest just over your breast. He traces his left hand over your abdomen before making a path to cup your right breast. Only his touch is too firm and certainly too rough as he squeezes. You hiss into his mouth pulling away just slightly. “Sorry,” He apologizes as he tries again. His touch is gentler this time. He runs his lips along your jaw licking at your neck before giving it a soft bite. You moan against him before stopping in your tracks. He smells different. Feminine. It’s a perfume that doesn’t agree with your stomach.

“Keith,” You question though he doesn’t pause. His kisses are hurried and sloppier by the minute. His hands find the waistband of your panties and he tries to tug at them before you stop him. “Keith,”

“What?”He huffs in annoyance. He pulls back to look into your eyes.

“Did you sleep with her?” Your voice is small. You’re afraid to even ask the question. You almost feel stupid. Almost. The way he bites his lip confirms everything you need to know. You don’t know who she is but it’s apparent he’s been seeing her for a while. Your heart sinks. Tears prick your eyes. He needs to move now. He didn’t even have the decency to shower to rid himself of her smell before falling into bed with you.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” He says. You push at his chest to urge him to move. He sits back on his legs.

“I can’t believe you.” You swing your legs out of the bed to stand. You immediately head for the closet. In your blind rage you don’t notice him standing up. You can’t take any of it anymore. “I can’t do this.” You whisper to yourself. You find a duffel bag tossing whatever clothes you can find into them. He watches you with an eerie look in his eyes.

“You’re not serious,” He mutters. “You can’t be mad that I fucked her. She doesn’t mean anything. You’re the one i’m marrying.”

“How does that make it better?” You question. You toss the bag onto the bed to dig through your drawers. You find a pair of pants that fit just right. You drag them up your legs. He watches you. “You have put me through so much. So much Keith. You hit me. You kept me from my friends. You hit Kaia. Then you go and cheat after months of you accusing me of cheating. I can’t take it.” You zip the bag not really caring if anything matches before you throw it over your shoulders. You try to calm yourself enough to enter Kaia’s room. She’s still sleeping. You don’t really know where you’re going. You don’t care. All you know is that you can’t be here any more. You don’t bother with the lights of her bedroom. You reach into her crib, cradling her into your arms, hoping not to wake her. You struggle a bit carrying her but you’re successful. You reach for a blanket to keep her warm.

You need to leave.

Keith catches a glimpse of you from the bedroom. He follows you to the front door. You don’t even manage to grab the handle before he’s taking a fistful of your hair. You groan in pain, trying to keep the sound in check, so not to jostle Kaia.

“Where do you think you’re taking my daughter?” He whispers harshly into your ear. His grip tightens as he pulls your neck back further.

“Keith, let me leave.” You beg him.

“Put her down,” He tugs just enough that you follow him to the living room. He instructs you to put her down gently. Kaia moans but settles into the fabric of the couch. He praises you for listening before tugging you over to the kitchen. He rips the bag from your arms all the while maintaining his hold on your head. “You want to leave, go. You’re not taking her with you.”

His words sound good. They do. They also sound incredibly stupid. No way were you going to leave Kaia with him.

“Keith, I’m not leaving her with you,” You whimper. “Let us go. Just let us go.”

“You’re painting me as such a damn mad man it’s fascinating.” Keith lets you go to slap his hands against the counter. “I give you everything. Everything! Why can’t you just be fucking grateful? I’m marrying you. I’m giving you kids. I give you money.”

“What am I being grateful for?” You exclaim. “You hit me.You hit me. Keith there’s nothing more for us in this relationship but pain and hurt and anger. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t marry you, Keith. I can’t bring anymore babies into this situation.” This was the wrong thing to say. He closes the distance between the two of you. You don’t have time to react before he is pushing you against the wall with everything in him. You try to hide the groans of pain as he slaps against your face. You can feel the moment your lip splits. You look at him in defiance. He won’t break you. Not this time.

He moves to smack you again when a cry from the couch stops you both.

“Mama,” Kaia calls out. She’s probably so confused right now. The noises. The darkness. “Mama.”

“Keith, she’s going to come looking for me.” You whisper brokenly. She’s big enough to climb off of the couch. He lowers his hand. He drops them against his side. Nothing else is said as you both listen to Kaia’s crying from a few feet away. Finally, he steps back to allow you to go and grab her. You rush to her side, your heart breaking at the look in her eyes, as she raises her arms for you to pick her up. You don’t quite trust yourself to hold her so you sit on the couch next to her. She crawls into your lap to burrow herself into your arms. You don’t have it in you to comfort her. Not when you can’t even comfort yourself.

Minutes pass and her breathing evens out. She’s asleep again. You feel so dumb. Why did you push him tonight? Why did you have to ask him about it? Why couldn’t suspicions just be suspicions? You lift her from your lap to place her against the cushions once again.

You have to check. You need to check.

You tiptoe down the hallway and into the bedroom. You peek your head around the corner to see what he’s doing. Sure enough he’s asleep still in his clothes. His soft snores signal that he’s dead to the world. It’s now or never.

You walk back to the kitchen where you reach under the sink. You finger along the pipes to grab at the tape around it. You finally touch a sleek metal, ripping it from the pipe, and tapping it. You slip it into your pocket. Next you grab the bag and walk over to the couch. You shush Kaia as she whimpers. You grab the blanket to throw over her before taking measured steps towards the front door. You can’t bother with a jacket. It’s now or never. Your hands tremble as you reach for the lock. The cool metal is scary. So scary. You turn the lock with trepidation. He’s not going to wake up. Hopefully he doesnt. You reach down to turn the knob, backing away from the door, and opening it. Once it’s open you take care to close it softly. Your heart is beating so hard as you walk towards the elevators. You tap the button with ease, rocking Kaia in your arms, as you wait for it to reach your floor.

You don’t know how things are going to go. You really don’t care. All you know is that you have to get out. You let out a breath when you’re in the elevator. You lean heavily against it as you finally allow yourself to breathe. You have to get out of here. You have to get far away from here. You ignore the night security when he greets you. You walk out of the building and down the street. You don’t know how far the walk is. You don’t have a particular place in mind. A half hour has gone by and you finally stop. The tears watering your eyes leave you blind as you find an empty bench to sit on. The city is quiet tonight. No one is out here. The traffic lights blink red in front of you as you manuever Kaia in your arms to take the phone out of your pocket.

You power it on opening it to the blank screen. There’s one number programmed into it that you know of. You press the first contact bringing it to your ear for it to ring. You wait, shaking your leg nervously, as you pray for her to pick up.

Finally, she answers with a groggy “Hello.”

You can’t bring yourself to speak. You simply breathe into the microphone as you try not to break down. You can hear the rustling of sheets. She must be sitting up.

“Y/n?” She asks and you hold back a sob. It feels so good to hear her voice.

“Y-yeah,” You say into the phone. You blink back tears again. “Nat,” You sniffle.

“Where are you?” She asks.

“I don’t.I don’t really know. I think I’m on Albany,” You stutter looking for the street signs. When you find one you repeat the intersection to her.

“I’m coming to get you. Don’t move.” She says.

“Okay,” You look down to Kaia. “Please don’t hang up.”

“I won’t.” Natasha promises. You can hear more shuffling and you don’t know how fast she moves but she’s already down in the parking garage by the sound of the car unlocking. “How’s Kaia?”

“She’s good,” You look down at her sleeping peacefuly in your arms. “S-s-she’s sleeping.” Your voice breaks.

“You’re doing good then, dorogaya.” Natasha starts the engine of the car. You can’t help the flutter in your chest at Natasha’s nickname. “I’m coming. Just stay on the phone.”

You nod to yourself. You’re exhausted and don’t have much else to say. You listen to the sounds of her driving. She uses her turn signals. She curses at a driver that almost cuts her off. She apologizes when she remembers she’s not alone.

“You curse in Russian,” You laugh. You don’t know why you find the cliche so funny. Natasha snorts.

“Yes, I do.” Natasha smiles over the phone. You don’t realize how much time has passed before she’s parked in front of you on the street. She presses the hazard buttons, before exiting the car. She walks over to you silently. She hangs up the phone in her hand before tucking it into her pocket. “Thank you for calling me.” She tells you. She glances down to Kaia and then back to you. “I don’t have a car seat for her.”

“It’s okay, I’ll hold her.” You hike her up further in your arms. Natasha nods. She grabs your bag, popping the trunk to throw it in the back, as you slide into the back seat. You know it’s not necessarily safe but there’s nothing else you can do. Natasha gets into the driver’s side. She puts her seat belt on before putting the car in drive.

You look out of the window at the empty streets. It kind of looks how you feel right now.

“I’m taking you to one of my safehouses,” Natasha says. “The tower is secure but I don’t think you want to deal with Tony and his cameras right now.” You nod wordlessly. Natasha peeks at you from the front seat. Your head lolls to the back of the seat as you close your eyes. For the first time that night you close your eyes feeling peaceful. Natasha is tapping at your shoulder when your eyes pop open.

“Dorogaya, we’re here.” She already has the duffel bag in hands. She helps you out of the car. You both walk through the well lit parking garage. This place is fancy. You wonder for a moment how Natasha has been able to keep this a secret. She walks with you to an elevator and presses the button. Neither of you say anything as she leads you to the fifth floor. She unlocks the door with ease, letting you walk inside first, before closing the door behind you. She flicks the lights on and sets the keys on the counter. You practically jump out of your skin as a. black figure jumps out in front of you.

“Sorry,” Natasha shoos the black cat away. “This is Liho and he knows he knows he’s not supposed to be on the counters.” Natasha shakes her head. She opens one of the cabinets to grab a can of cat food. She cracks it open allowing you to take everything in while she does. Liho meows and Natasha shakes her head. “You’re so impatient.” She dumps the food into a clean bowl and refills his water bowl.

“You can lie her down on the bed,” Natasha points to the bedroom. “I’ll be in, in a second to help with that lip.” Right. You forgot about that.

You amble down the hallway in search of the bedroom. You know she’s giving you a chance to calm down. She’s not crowding you or coddling you. You’re really thankful for that. Her bedroom is nice. It smells clean. If a bit stuffy. Maybe she hasn’t slept here in a while.

You lie Kaia down on the bed. She takes a sharp inhale of breath before turning onto her side. You brush her curls from her face, making sure she’s doesn’t wake up. You sit on the bed next to her, fingers in your lap, as you wait for Natasha. Her footsteps are light but they’re there. She shuffles around the room and goes into the ensuite to grab cleaning supplies.

“Come here,” She beckons you into the bathroom. She watches you climb onto the counter with a wince. Your back is a bit sore. She doesn’t say anything that you expect her to. “Can I touch you?” She asks. You nod. You hate the way you flinch even though she slowly raises her hands. She inspects your face and your lips before grabbing a wash cloth. She wets it with cold water before pressing it against your lip. You whimper in pain as your hand flies up to hold onto her wrist. “It’s okay, dorogaya.” She says softly. She makes quick work of cleaning the cut before she drops her hands.

“Why do you call me that?” You tilt your head. She looks into your eyes with such compassion and such care. You haven’t seen this in a long time.

“It’s a nickname,” Natasha shrugs.

“It means dear, darling, honey. Something of that nature right?” You noted and she raises a brow. “Why do you call me that specifically.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable I won’t say it,” Natasha backs away but you reach out to grab her wrist. She’s a bit surprised you can tell. You gently tug her to you. You don’t know why you do it but you place her hands on your waist. Her eyes flicker down before back up to you.

“I like it,” You admit. “It makes me feel safe.” It makes you feel loved but you’re not so sure you should be saying it. You look down to Natasha’s lips and then back to her. You lean in to press your lips to hers. It’s like your entire world falls apart and then is built back together. For a brief moment she kisses you back. You ignore the pain you feel as you think about how good it feels. How safe it feels. This is what you’ve been missing for so long. Natasha seems to find her senses first as you move to deepen the kiss.

“I can’t let you do that,” She mutters. “I can’t let you pay me with sex. You don’t have to repay me at all.” You deflate attempting to look away in embarrassment. You hadn’t realized that’s what you were doing. She presses a manicured finger under your chin to get you to look at her. “I want to kiss you. I do. Dorogaya, you’re in a vulnerable state. I don’t want that to be the reason you do something you may regret.” Before you can protest she shakes her head. “Give yourself time.” You nod. “I’ll always be here.” She promises. You believe her.

She steps back too look at the rest of your body. “Is there anywhere that you feel a lot of pain?”

“Just my heart,” You shake your head. “I can’t believe I let it go on for so long.”

“You're here now,” Natasha tucks away the cleaning supplies and returns her gaze to you. “I have pajamas for you if you need. I can watch Kaia while you shower.”

“Okay,” You look over to the shower in question. You wait for her to leave. You avoid looking into the mirror as you strip. You turn on the water, waiting for it to get hot, before stepping directly under it. When the water finally hits your back you let out a sob. You’ve been holding it in for so long. You’re safe. You don’t have to go back. Never again.

When you get out of the shower, you find Natasha sitting at the edge of the bed watching Kaia. Just like she said. You tuck your dirty clothes in her nearby hamper before climbing onto the bed to sit beside the little girl. You trace your fingers on her face. She twitches but never wakes up.

“You were right,” You don’t dare to look at her. You know she’s listening. “He hit her.” Natasha doesn’t hide her gasp. “He said she needed to learn after she tried touching an outlet. I just… I couldn’t believe it. Then I could. I felt horrible. I felt like a bad mother.”

“You’re not a bad mother,” Natasha quickly shuts that down. “You got yourself out. You left when you knew you needed to.”

“Why doesn’t it feel that way?” You furrow your brows. “ He asked me to marry him. He wants to expand our family. Everything I’ve ever wanted and I just. It came in this way.I couldn’t stop thinking about how I can’t raise another baby with him. I can’t be stuck with that forever.” You lower your hands to pick at the fabric of her blanket. You won’t say it. You can’t say it. Then that would make it real.

There’s a pause as Natasha analyzes your words.

“Y/n?” She questions. You raise your eyes. “How far along are you?” Her question almost knocks the wind out of you. If you weren’t already sitting it would have made you pass out.

“6 weeks,” You concede. “He doesn’t know.” You force yourself to look back down at the covers. You don’t want to see the pity in her face.

“You’re not going back to him?” She questions. “You can stay for as long as you need. I-I’m not forcing you to stay y/n. He won’t find you. Just stay.”

“I don’t want to go back,” You say. “I don’t want to.” She reaches across the bed to hold on to your hand.

For the past few years, you’ve felt alone. Now you have her.

----> next part

#natasha romanoff #black reader #natasha x reader #black widow x reader #black widow x female reader #natasha romanov #natasha x you

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deadghosy · 7 months

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If I was in Hazbin hotel:

Author insert x Hazbin Hotel

Prompt: an author is bored as they decided to jump into their favorite fandom at this very moment.

Honestly I’m bored asf rn lmao.

Will, the blogger in tumblr known as Deadghosy was bored in his room as he listens to jay aka kub scoutz 😍 playing lil guardsman. Being even more bored they opened their palm as a digital portal opens-

OKAY STOP…at first I was gonna do that story ass shit but let me be real. I died by not getting enough sleep and I popped into hell for not liking those Jesus posts😭

I’d honestly be in the sloth ring for being lazy asf and being tired most of the time. But also be in the gluttony ring as well. A BIG BITCH GOTTA EATTTT😭

But I would probably still be able to go into the pride ring because of my pride in not needing help from people. 😭 I hate asking for damn help irl.

I actually have very sharp canine teeth and bottom rows, I might as well be mistaken for a humanoid demon lol/j

But if did have a demon form, it’s a bear since I eat and sleep all day lmao.

Alastor wouldn’t “hate hate” me but find me annoying. I would try to get on his good side and never do deals with him obviously cause I like my soul 😍. But dead ass I’m showing him lingo of gen z ☝🏾💀 cause ain’t no way ima hear this deer man yap in a way I can’t understand. This is not no new broadcast from the old times dude. “Salutations!-” HAVIN ASS😕

Friendship level: 5/10

Sir Pentious, I’m teaching this bitch how to do the whip and nae nae 😄. I love him personally cause he so silly sometimes. I would just pop up as he works on weapons but not help him lol. I think personally our friendship would be the kind to talk to each other for a little and stop and repeat😕

Friendship level: 4.5/10

Charlie would like me because of my hyperactive personality sometimes. Like if I’m fixating on something, she would listen and probably tell her father. But mostly i wouldn’t do the trust exercises, she’ll have to drag my black ass to do them 💀

Friendship level: 6/10

Lucifer and I would be so chill dead ass. He’s probably adopt me if I’m gonna be honest cause I also have a duck toy in my room as we speak 😭LITERALLY I MIGHT AS WELL BE A MINI HIM WITH HIM HAVING HYPER FIXATIONS.

Friendship level: 10/10

Vaggie and me, idk she’s chill but short tempered. But I don’t think she would hate me but only he suspicious at first, but then just be chill with me. I would try to help her around but procrastinate lmao

Friendship level: 5.5//10

Husk would probably be chill but not have an opinion on me honestly. It will depend on me just going to talk to him or being nervous to talk to him. I hate being awkward so I would just wave or sit by his bar and chill with him as I draw.

Friendship level: it’s probably between 3/10 and 5/10

Angel and me, idk I feel like I would be a small friend of his to help. He wouldn’t trauma dump that much on me cause I’m just a kid so it would be like “oh my work is shit but my boss is even more shit.” So I would just nod acting like I don’t know what’s going on. Plus, I would probably try to make him something with the help of Lucifer

Friendship level: ima be honest…it’s probably a 4/10 cause I’m a minor and he has problems he need it overcome. He doesn’t need a minor to yap his ear off 😕

The Vee’s…😕ain’t no way ima talk to them front to front if I’m actually gonna be their friends dead ass. I would probably mostly be friends with Velvette to hook me up on outfits😍

Friendship level: -1000/10

Valentino…HAH YOU WOULD HAVE TO CATCH MY BLACK ASS ACTUALLY DEAD IF IM GONNA CHILL WITH THIS BASTARD 😂 I’m burning his whole studio down in a cool ass pyro tf2 mask. Fuck that bitch, all my homies hate Valentino 🤭

ENEMY LEVEL: 10000000/10🖕🏾

Vox, I’m begging him to try to advance my phone so I can prank call heaven and hell at the same time. I’m using so much evil ass shit🦆 like dead ass ima say “I heard your high school bully is in heaven” to an angel so they would go crazy trying to find their bully lmao. But Vox would hate my ass cause..I’m me? Idk lol

Enemy level: 8.5/10

Velvette, eh I feel like we would be mutuals but not too friendly. More like a hook up just so i can get free outfits and she can get a quick teen model and I can leave with the fit fr 😍 no money, free outfit‼️

Friendship level: 4.5/10

Adam and me..we throwin hands. Full on fist to fist. He probably would try to cheat but nahhh, you gettin kicked in the manhood bitch 😄‼️ but yeah me and him, enemies for life. He’s funny I’ll admit, but be honest having him beside you irl💀

Enemy level: he better keep one eye open.

Sera…yeah she not letting me in heaven lmao 😭 that’s all ima say LMAOO

Friendship level: -0/10

Lute will 100% percent kill me for my mouth 😭. I’d probably say GYATT to her for funnies only to get stab. But I would just be quiet and try to be on her good side lmao

Friendship level: 2/10

Emily would like me but would be the type of person to keep me in check with my mouth and vulgar language as I just chill eating all the food in heaven. She def givin me good tours.

Friendship level: a good 7.5/10

That’s all I have lmao

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holywizardheart · 2 years

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💭My thoughts about synastry aspects💭

This is my personal experience in relationship and friendship with people!

🎵12th house synastry is a karmic placement. At first, you will spend a lot of time with each other and then this person just disappears from your life. Like it never happened. Also, it can mean that you often see them in your dreams. For me, it feels like this person understands you and you can show your true self without expecting criticism from them. It just feels like heaven and a dream that doesn't last long forever. But guys don't forget that the 12th house can represent your hidden enemies. Just be super careful when sharing your deep feelings and secrets.

💋Mars/Moon negative aspects can be really good, especially in sexual life but not in a relationship. You'll definitely argue a lot. Hurting each other's feelings and there may be a little jealousy :)

Mars person hurts Moon person's feelings. Sometimes Moon person may be scared of the Mars person. It also can mean physical violence. I'm sure that Mars person wants to have sex with Moon ;)

💦Moon opposite Moon aspect is such a good synastry in my opinion. Like there is a quick understanding of each other. I know that it's not perfect for EVERYONE but in my opinion, it works if you're determined to adapt or change. I'm a Pisces Moon and I like Virgo moon and other Virgo placements. For me, they're the most beautiful and kind people I've met in my life. Sending my love to Virgo placements.

💌Venus opposite Mars aspect I was Venus person and the other person is Mars. Honestly, I was so scared of this person because they were so aggressive and argumentative. I just didn't want to have a bad relationship with this person. Like never ever. I felt that I have to be more careful and mindful when it comes to this person. Because the aggression of this person is so terrifying and threatening to me. But maybe the reason is that they have moon mars opposition. Because it literally means emotionally expressive and violent. But right now our relationship is going well and I don't find them life-threatening. We sometimes talk to each other but it's on a very superficial level.

🔥5th house synastry is just about having fun with each other. Like it's so entertaining and awesome being together. Dancing and singing and having a great time. It's funny and enjoyable being with them because you are never bored when you're with them. And dating this person is like being in an adventurous fantasy book. You can try new things together but when something doesn't work out you'll just laugh at each other. Sex is gonna be fascinating and unforgettable.

💕Venus conjunct Descendant is a great placement in my opinion. You'll feel attracted to this person because this person has the same traits that you want in your partner. It means their personality and their looks are literally a perfect match for you. It gives me a lovely couple vibe. From my experience, I was just attracted to them but we couldn't have a relationship with each other. Because I always had bad aspects with Moon and Mars. Yeah, it's killed the connection and we said bye to each other. It was really hard to deal with it and left without any words. But if you have other good and harmonious placements then it's gonna be an amazing romantic love story.

🍀Mars/Saturn negative aspects in this synastry I was Saturn and he's Mars. You know this guy was so annoying and irritating like I just want to throw myself away. His behavior and actions were irrational and chaotic. Like Jesus Christ please save me from this person. I just can't stand near him and I always want to be away from this person. Like, don't touch me keep your hands away from me. It reminds me of being with a child who is constantly crying and annoying me.

#astro community #astrology #astro observations #composite notes #synastry #astro notes #12th house synastry #5th house synastry #mars square saturn #moon square mars #moon opposite moon

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thiriumstains · 3 months

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i have so many things to say about how the android revolution was handled in dbh, especially how most of the conflict was around markus’s choices to be violent or peaceful. idrk how to phrase it all but like. ugh it just bugs me how the androids Have to be peaceful and cooperative in order to gain freedom

a huge part of the revolution is ‘we can’t stoop to the same level as the human’ and it makes me so mad. like yeah sure, murder and hurting ppl isn’t good. but protests for rights have never been peaceful. you don’t gain rights by being peaceful and perfect. i just hate it so much. plus, the game has obvious parallels to the civil rights movement (even if david cage says it’s not. it is. even if it wasn’t, this game is political no matter how u view it. the topic of rights and freedom will always be political) and to imply that the android revolution has to be near perfectly peaceful to succeed is crazy. girl does he think the civil rights movement was entirely peaceful?? someone put him and all the other writers in a god damn history class

not to mention markus. i think the writers saw him as like the equivalent to mlk jr, with the parallels to the civil rights movements and such, which is crazy considering they turned him into their Savior and led the whole movement. like. side eye. idk i love markus’s story, but i think the whole revolution and being turned into a savior robo jesus was so so bad and tone deaf (thank u david cage..) . and the whole revolution TOOK PLACE IN A WEEK. A WEEK. THATS INSANEE. A WHOLE REVOLUTION IN A WEEK IS INSANE. i understand that a game needs to end but we don’t need to see Every Single Second of the story!! spread it out over a month, give characters time to form relationships, let the plot thicken, let things get tense, let things simmer and develop!!! not everything needs to happen on screen!!! one of my biggest gripes about the game is its timeline </3

i know i just rambled a bunch but god it annoys me so much. markus’s story was done so wrong for so many reason, and as a queer person who’s largely interested in protests and movements for rights and such, it just makes me so mad how badly and idealistically it was created. it feels like it was written by humans, by OPPRESSORS, dreaming of a utopia where they are still good people. :/ which i suppose it IS in a way — but still u get my point

EDIT: here are some more things i said in the reblog a that i want more ppl to see

i hate how north’s violence and anger is seen as a bad thing. i hate how markus never gets a moment to rest or interact with people outside of conversations that love the plot forward. i hate how jericho just accepts that they’ll die before they’re violent in order to ‘win.’ i hate that ‘winning’ is even a thing in this context. i hate that androids constantly have to be better than humans and not stoop to they’re level. according to these writer, they can’t be angry in the face of their oppression and that SUCKS.

when i played this game with my cousins, we were so desperate to make every pacifist choice in order to raise our public opinion so we could win. we could tell from the first few markus scenes, he wasn’t allowed to be angry or mad or hateful or violent if he wanted to have close to the same respect humans got. and that SUCKED. it made us feel like we were just taking hit after hit after hit and never accomplishing anything.

i love this game and i love markus (he’s probably my fav character) but the way the revolution is handled is awful considering how it’s such a metaphor for oppression and oppressed ppl. it’s not even rlly a metaphor — it’s just direct symbolism. like. androids are oppressed yet the only way they can fight back without getting murdered and ran down is by being entirely peaceful. there should have been a Balance. you should have valences the violence and the peace in order to get a good outcome. not all one way and all the other way. the game also should’ve been longer than a WEEK. bc that’s rlly a huge issue with it.

outside of maybe the kiss with north and returning to carl’s house/grave, markus doesn’t get a single moment to exist without the revolution and the plot. even those two scenes kinda serve the plot. meanwhile, connor gets moments like looking through hank’s desk, breaking into hank’s house, talking with hank on the bridge to develop his character and relationships outside of the plot. markus doesn’t get that (kara kinda does? but instead of being tied to the plot, she’s just tied to kara the whole time, which can be just as bad).

markus’s friendships never felt… real? they largely felt like it was just bc of all the jericho stuff and the revolution. all his friends just served a narrative purpose. north was the violent choices, josh was the peaceful choices, and simon… well i’ll be honest, simon died rlly early in my play through so i barely knew him. but from what i’ve seen, he’s the ‘cowardly’ route. honestly markus and simon’s friendship seems the most realistic since simon is constantly sacrificing himself for markus and such. which is saying something considering north is markus’s love interest (and that came out of NO WHERE)

with markus and north’s romance, it feels so forced. not to say i hate norkus, but it’s so fast and sudden and u can just Tell it’s for plot reason — which is proved by the kiss at the very end of the game. they had no time to get to know each other or form a relationship outside of the android revolution and keeping jericho together and alive. it gives the vibes of ‘in 2 months we’ll realize we were just in a relationship because he felt we had to be, not because we liked each other romantically’ which, i’ll be honest that vibe is awesome, but considering that was Not what the writers were going for, it falls very flat.

all in all i love markus’s story but by good did the writers fuck it up. get me behind the pencil, i’ll do it myself

#it makes me soo. ugh #i hope any of this made any sense. i’m gonna main tag this bc i love discussion 🫶#please chime in with ur thoughts i wanna hear opinions #also i know it sounds like i hate this game i rlly don’t. i love it sm. hyperfixation go crazy #but it’s good to be critical of the things u enjoy especially when it’s smth like this #dbh #detroit become human #dbh crit #dbh markus #dont even get me started on the misogyny here #blue’s inputs #blue’s programming #EDIT: i’ve edited this post to remove a quote out of respect for the woman who wrote it #since a writer of the game supports her oppressors and i don’t believe i should be using her words for a game that was written by someone -#who opposes her and her messages. 🫶

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 9 months

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Ngl 'm kinda salty that instead of having Sun, or Solar, or Monty in today's gaming video on Laes, they had Roxanne, someone who is irrelevant to their channels besides being a running gag for teasing Sun. I know that Davis is probably too busy to record with Kat, Reed, and Valentine but I'd rather wait for him to be available for however long it takes than to watch a gaming video with Roxanne in it :/

My only theory as to why the Roxanne Show did this huge collab was because that they have recorded a VR lore collab episode with them as well and they were available.

Which.........

Isn't great.

I don't like their portrayal of Vanny.

That's my woman blorbo and you screwed her up.

Keep her away from me.

Although, I've never been a big fan of their Roxanne portrayal either.

My personal opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.

I thought the Christmas Special was terrible.

youtube

"Did everyone enjoy the Holiday Special?" "No RAGS... only you did." "Oh... well that pretty much my target audience anyway..."

*i watched the whole thing so you don't have to. Honestly, if you have seen the two very short clips of Davis's Sun and Earth/Kat singing, that's all you need. Because they're the only two of this musical that can actually... well... sing.*

The singing made my inner choir kid cringe.... and I just... did not care for the plot.

Roxanne was stressed over the holidays... because of the drama SHE created.... She whined about her estranged on again off again father not liking Christmas, whined when Gregory tried to invite Cassie over, Whined when Gregory was upset and dealing with drama of his only ghost friends potentially leaving the astral plain, Was annoyed when Freddy was trying to be a good boyfriend because she wasn't happy that not EVERYONE was having "the best christmas ever" Cus "Who doesn't like Christmas?" I don't know, Roxanne... people who are busy, people who work retail, people with dead relatives (like Cassie by the way) .... people who don't CELEBrate Christmas???

And I was waiting for the other shoe to drop so much in this special. Because so far, All they've sung about what makes Christmas Great is the Commodification and the Commercialism of Christmas.

That's what makes Christmas great. The cookies, the presents, the colorful lights.....big parties, traditions... etc etc....

Which, come on, I do NOT expect animatronics to get up like the Peanuts Holiday Special and tell me about the Birth of Jesus Christ.

But what I did expect them to do, was talk about the importance of family, and why being with the people you care about is so important... and there was... an attempt at that. But it didn't really land for me.

They didn't even bother to get into how other people celebrate Christmas.

It was all hyping up the commercialism of the Hoilday, and getting excited about that... I understand Gregory, cause he's a literal child... but every single animatronic was either for Christmas or anti Christmas for very commercial reasons.

And what's the crisis.... Roxanne is upset because not everyone likes Christmas and no one is falling into line for her plans for the Holidays... Not everything is about you. Gregory's friends are literally dying and Cassie is mourning her Dad over the holidays.

I thought the special would be about appreciating what you have, even if things don't work out. But no, everything works out and even her estranged father makes up with her for no reason other then because.

Respect for all the voice actors, talent and origination to get the RAGS Christmas Musical together... I just did not care for the plot. And People are free to disagree with me on this... but I found the whole Musical rather shallow and I have seen Hallmark Christmas and Rankinbass Movies with more meat.

I will say.... TSAMS (and MAFS to some extent) did a much better holiday special with far less production... because that's what it's really about, just spending time and exchanging gifts with people who you know care about you. And Earth and Solar experiencing Christmas with others that care about them for the first time and a feeling of warm togetherness and family that wasn't about a big planning or party, while also packing in some of the stressful feeling of the Holidays as well.

And yeah. If Sun was on "Vacation" they could have used this as an opportunity for Solar to be in gaming videos, since Davis himself isn't sick.

We've never seen Solar and Moon play a game together, and I know I'm not the only one asking for it in the official server.

Just involve Solar in more gaming videos. HE ASKED to be in them more. Just DO IT.

#tsams #danachan's asks #danachan's replies #this is so salty #lol I was feeling that salt

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fefifofoggy · 5 days

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The Marauders as The Soldier, Poet, King Meta

So, I don't know if anyone's ever thought about this song with the Marauders specifically. But as a sidenote I like listening to music on my way to classes and I ran across one of those 'and you were a fairy' playlists with the first song being The Soldier, Poet, King by The Oh Hellos.

Anyways it made me think of MWPP and which lyrics would represent who.

The King

I don't think that this comes as a surprise to anyone, but I feel James has this spot claimed. The ruler is the most important, he is the king. Everything he says or does can have either a negative or positive impact on the people and his subjects. It was a positive impact for his friends. They remember him in a good light, he can essentially do no wrong and if he does then it can always be explained away for this or that reason. He was the shining sun and the warmth that all the Marauders felt cocooned in. Prongs was their King.

“No, I think you’re like James,” said Lupin, “who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.”

James was protective and loved deeply those that were his. He was honorable, he had a very black and white view of the world from what we know of. The king who found nothing more dishonorable than not trusting his closest friends--the ones he became illegal animagi with, the ones he created a secret map with and the same ones that he went gallivanting through the woods under a full moon with.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy

(Yes, this is a reference to Christianity, to Jesus and his brow laid in thorns while put on the cross to die.)

But, I also like to think of it and how this would apply to James. There will come a ruler -- he and Lily are a part of a Prophecy; those who have thrice defied Voldemort, with a summer born child. A Prophecy that they go into hiding for, a Prophecy that could kill them. Yet, it wasn't the Prophecy that killed them, but a betrayal of trust.

The Poet

Sirius Black, the poet.

I feel that this might be contested--maybe a lot of people would think this is the role that Remus would slide into, since he already fits into dark academic aesthetic and fandom portrays him as a voracious reader. (Not to mention the way he talks and how he will weaponize his words)

But I think the Poet is Sirius Black.

There will come a poet Whose weapon is His word He will slay you with His tongue

Born and raised a pureblood to the House of Black, likely slotted to become the next head of his house after his father or grandfather. We see from Walburga's portrait during OoTP that she had a virulent tongue, a trait that Sirius inherited from her. We see it in the train car during their first meeting.

“Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” interjected Sirius.

Between MWPP, Sirius has always been the one to use his words to cut people the most.

“There’s enough filth on my robes without you touching them,” said Black.

Picking at people's hygiene, cleanliness, looks, abilities, or intellect--nothing is/was too far for Sirius.

“Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement.”

That's how he talks to a friend once he's gotten annoyed? What about his enemies? Or those he considers beneath him? (Which are typically those he doesn't find to be intellectually stimulating to him, as we've seen and a few other people on here have pointed out.)

More than half the time, Sirius' chosen weapon is his words. He is the type of character to point out flaws, weaknesses, things that he knows will hurt the most because he wants to make you bleed.

(And to think, these quotes aren't even some of the worst things he's said, I just couldn't find the quotes that I wanted and didn't want to leaf through my bookshelf.)

The Soldier

I know this will most definitely be an unpopular opinion, but I couldn't decide between Peter or Remus as the soldier. So, I put them both in this section, but I am more partial to Peter.

Remus as the soldier because of his status as a werewolf.

There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword

His lycanthropy is his sword, and he is one of Dumbledore's soldiers because of his ability to enter werewolf rings as a spy. It's a heavy burden but one that (as Lupin says) only he can bear.

But that is two of three lines, and he doesn't quite fit the soldier role to me.

Peter does, however.

Sure, he's not a brave soldier, the one that movies are made about--and he doesn't have a strong sense of wanting to fight for the little guy.

But he is still a soldier. The soldier who joined because his friends signed up for a war and he didn't want to be alone. The soldier who thought that maybe, just maybe, he could cruise on throughout the war because he's not particularly useful or strong or politically important in any way. He's just another foot soldier.

Until he is important, and he realizes that he doesn't want to die. He's fresh out of school, he followed his friends into a war because maybe they convinced him (or he convinced himself) that this would be a summer thing or a couple years at most and it'll make for a decent story for his future kids or grandkids when he can say, "Yeah, I fought in the war--on the winning side."

But then he is faced with a choice: living as a turncoat or dying.

Nobody wants to die. Certainly not Peter who is barely in his twenties at this point. He hasn't lived. Didn't have a girlfriend, wasn't married like James was. Did he even want to get married? What if he wanted to travel the world?

We don't know.

So, spying? On his friends, on his comrades, on people who look him in the eye and think they can trust him. And it turns out that Peter is kind of good at it. He's remained undetected for a while. Hell, Sirius thinks its Remus and Remus thinks its Sirius. Nobody ever suspects Peter.

After all, why would they? It's not like he's ever been anything more than a coward, right? James and Sirius' tagalong. Peter couldn't hurt a fly, not when he was the fly.

There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down

First his sword was his secret as a spy.

Then he becomes a Secret Keeper. The Secret Keeper.

A Fidelius Charm was advanced magic. Voldemort could make out with the Potter's living room window and still not know they were on the other side, unless--

Unless someone with the key to the city let him in.

Tearing a city down had never been easier.

#sirius black #marauders #dead gay wizards #marauders meta #hp meta #soldier poet king #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #james potter #mwpp era #mwpp

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vellichorom · 3 months

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You make rlly good rants / have great takes,. So. I was wondering. What do you think is the biggest / most popular stereotype when it comes to the Narrator ??

I wanna make a drawing kinda based off of the stereotypes people see , and I was wondering what you think. Is probably most popular :3

oh GOD, the biggest most popular stereotype eh? ironically asked just as i'm listening to the narrator's voice lines...

well, i'm going to have to go with something OBVIOUS & say that that would be the IMPOSSIBLE to miss notion that " he's hot " & people envisioning him ONLY through an attractive filter;

do i think his voice is attractive? of COURSE i do, i'm not made of stone! & kevan PRIDES himself in his work & knows a vast majority are INSANE about his voice, as well he should, he's got great talent!

HOWEVER, then going on to define his EVERYTHING based on this attraction is annoying at best & sickeningly irritating at worst.

it's SO obvious some narrator designs are solely based on artist wet dreams or banking on others', with the narrator's actual characterization being thrown COMPLETELY out the window.

guys your sexyman literally gets all pouty without attention & has the bite of a 5th grader, he would Not be as attractive or cool as you think he is. this ISN'T even exclusive TO people who make the narrator a handsome twink either! however, it is WAY more prevalent in that area, therefore we side-eye.

it just feels a Lot like others create designs SIMPLY based around aesthetics & generic appeal rather than... creating a CHARACTER, or recognizing the character that DOES come attached with the voice you find so hot. & then SOMETIMES, people form entirely alternate characterization for their design rather than canon, but still insisting that it IS indeed canon!

listen can we stop touting the funny clock 0ut guy as the Token, peak, & true TSP narrator design. i like him too but it's making me real upset now

IF you're going for characterization of the narrator that you want to be AS TRUE to canon as possible, you need to take a step back & realize this man is a manchild & probably does Not have the divine powers of a god & doesn't have to Look or Act as attractive as you think his voice is. even the most BEAUTIFUL aspects of a person can come from a deeply flawed individual & that's okay, & in characters, EXTREMELY endearing! insisting to make a character beautiful & flawless in every aspect just results in a very flat character that will ONLY ever serve as basic eyecandy, & only to a handful in the end.

beyond that, i can't really think of anything else that's as strongly stereotyped for the narrator beyond. you know, general fandom mischaracterizations methink? pushing his attitude to extremes with NO even level & misunderstanding his intentions. ...but at this rate, i'll TAKE THE most pathetic soft boy narrator as opposed to the absolutely physically RIPPED daddy narrators i've had to see a few times. jesus

& hey, listen- MAKE your AUs, MAKE your characterizations into OCs & such, do WHATEVER you want that makes you happy, i'm REALLY HONESTLY not here to kill anyone's fun & i won't ever resent you for how you choose to enjoy your blorbos, take my words with some salt; these are simply my dipshit ass opinions that some people enjoy hearing!

which, THANK YOU anon! may this new rant satisfy thee & help you with your project!

#anonymous #inbox #TSP blogging #WHICH BY THE WAY I'm not saying my narrator goes untouched by any of what i've described - i'm not perfect either #MY POINT IS HONESTLY JUST; study the source material & study well i'm gonna quiz you on it #& also that you're Entirely Entitled to your tastes but if your aesthetic preferences are all traditionally handsome #*with absolutely no flaws or flavor BEYOND handsome i'm going to fucking eat you

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sabo-has-my-heart · 6 months

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Hi! I don’t really know if this is considered an emergency request so feel free to ignore this since it’s way less urgent compared to other emergency requests.

Recently I have been having problems with asking myself whether or not I deserve an apology whenever I feel offended by my friends. I don’t really know how to word it so I’ll try my best here. I’m that ‘therapist friend’ in my group of friends of 4 (including me) and I always help solve the fights between our group which is mostly the same 2 friends fighting. I’ve never been in a fight with them more than 3 times and those times it barely lasts a day. Out of the 3 of my friends I’m really close to 1 of them (I’ll call her Kay) kay and I often play games together like Minecraft, cod, fall guys, etc. while playing these games she couldn’t talk so i was the only one talking while she was texting me back her responses, at one point she said something along the lines of ‘Jesus you sound like those annoying little kids that spit out a bunch of questions.’ Or something like that. I’ve been very insecure about my own voice and my child-like personality and the doubt in my head that I annoy my friends with my blabbering mouth(my friends don’t know this tho) I just responded with ‘oh’ and stayed quiet for the rest of the call which was silent. I excused myself and just went offline to think. I’m not sure if I was being over dramatic over something so small but that really hurt me and I tried to make it obvious it did hoping she’d approach me about it and tell me she didn’t mean it or basically anything but she never did. She just went about it like it didn’t even happen and I’m too scared to bring it up since it happened already a while ago and it’d be weird to. And this happens sometimes too, it doesn’t happen often nor does it rarely. I just need a second opinion on how to go about this. Could you give me some advice abt this along with sanji and law reacting to their s/o with this kind of problem?

I’m also the same Anon who sent the emergency request abt wanting to die instead of experiencing a loss of someone close, That really helped me overcome that feeling! I haven’t fully but I’m improving! Thank you so much and I hope you have an amazing day! (So sorry if this whole request is confusing and sorry for all the grammar mistakes)

I’m sorry if this isn’t considered an emergency request so feel free to ignore!

Hi sweet heart! I'm glad you're doing better about wanting to die. don't worry about being fully better. You're getting better, that's all that matters. It's okay to take your time. I'm sorry you're going through this. I sort of know how this feels, I was kind of this person in my group. Unfortunately, I eventually realized that, to those people, I wasn't a friend. Not really, anyway. I was just, admittedly, too afraid of being alone and abandoned to leave them. I suppose that's a pretty common fear. People don't really want to be alone.

Warnings: GN!Reader (I hope, let me know if I made any mistakes on that),

Word Count: 1800

Chewing on your lip, you stared out the window. You deserved an apology for this, didn’t you? After all, it was rude, mean, and hurtful, so it wasn’t like it was an unreasonable request, right? The two of you in particular were pretty close too, so she’d know that she should apologize, right? Even still, you couldn’t help but wonder if you really deserved an apology. Surely you deserved it, you were always solving fights between them and rarely started any arguments yourself, so it wasn’t like you were constantly causing needless drama. It was one apology. If it were any of your other friends, you’d talk to both of them, try to smooth things over, and usually they’d work things out and apologize on their own after that. So being on the receiving end of that meant that you deserved the same courtesy… right? Still, you couldn’t help but wonder if you really did deserve one. What if you were being over dramatic? Or perhaps you were blowing all of this out of proportion. She and the others would be pretty upset if you asked for an apology you didn’t deserve and you really didn’t want to cause a fight. Maybe it would be fine if you waved it off? It’s not like it was a particularly common thing. Yeah, it happened from time to time, but it wasn’t like they were constantly putting you down.

Getting up, you ran a hand through your hair. Maybe a shower or bath would calm you down and help you think. The warm water might help you relax and think clearly and a lot of people did their best thinking in the bathroom. If nothing else, it was worth a shot. Stepping in, you let the warm water soothe you, let it ease the tension in your muscles. Granted, it was hard to get yourself to relax into the water when you were this wound up, but eventually the warmth worked its way into your body, calming your mind. You were always the one solving all the problems, the one the others went to when they needed to talk, the one who helped everyone else, so what were you supposed to do when you were the one who needed help? Needed someone to talk to? Would the others hear you out? Just because you weren’t as close to the others didn’t mean you couldn’t talk to them about this. At least… hopefully. Despite how the water eased your body and calmed your mind, your thoughts still swirled like a whirlwind. You lost track of how much time you spent in the bathroom, how much time you spent trying to work out your thoughts before the water turned cold and you were forced to step out. Putting on some comfy clothes, you curled up on the couch, holding one of the couch pillows close.

Sanji

Walking into the living room, Sanji’s smile fell. The look on your face was so despondent, so downcast. He hated seeing you like this.

“Mon amour, what’s wrong?” the blond asked, kneeling on the floor next to the couch, reaching up to caress your cheek. Looking up at him, you debated on what to say. You really didn’t want to worry him, especially over something so… trivial. He had enough to worry about. Yet the look in his eyes begging you to tell him, to talk to him. The young man was always telling you that you could talk to him about anything, to come to him if you were ever feeling upset.

“Do… Do I deserve an apology?” your heart ached as the words finally left your lips, a look of alarm crossing Sanji’s features.

“Darling, what happened?” Sanji was immediately moving to the couch as he pulled you into his arms. Though he wanted to know what happened, he didn’t care if you were in the right or wrong, you were hurting. Taking a deep breath, you told him about what happened with your friend. Told him what she’d said, your insecurities, your feelings, everything. His hold on your tightened, holding you closer as he listened, one hand running up and down your back soothingly. Once you were finished, Sanji sat there for a moment, simply comforting you as he thought about what to say.

“My dearest love, I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. You’re so amazing, so kind and caring. You don’t deserve to be hurt like that.” Sanji’s lips met your forehead, making you smile slightly as you snuggled further into him, “Which of your friends is this? Perhaps I can speak to her about apologizing. She should know she hurt you. I doubt she meant to hurt your feelings, but all the same, she did. If nothing else, perhaps you can work things out. Even if an apology isn’t given, perhaps you can get her to understand your feelings. But please, don’t bottle this up, don’t let it eat at your heart." His words made you smile as you nuzzled shyly into his chest. He always seemed to know what to say, what to do. He had a point, at very least, if you could work this out, then it wouldn’t happen again. If you could get her to understand your feelings, understand how hurt you were, if she made sure not to hurt you again, perhaps an apology wouldn’t matter. Her actions would apologize for her, she’d be better and your friendship would be stronger. A thought dawned on you as you glanced back up at him.

“And if she refuses to apologize? If she thinks she didn’t do anything wrong?” you asked worriedly, biting your lip again.

“Then they don’t deserve you and you need new friends, my love.” Sanji said softly, putting his thumb on your lip, forcing you to stop biting it, “Don’t be afraid to leave those who don’t deserve you in an attempt to find those who do. You won’t make real friends if you don’t try. Whether you become better friends with her or you find better friends elsewhere, it’s better to find those who appreciate you.” His words make your heart swell as you rested your head against him, feeling infinitely better. You’d talk to her tomorrow, if all went well, she’d apologize and if she refused, you’d find those worthy of your friendship.

Law

It was a while before Law stumbled into the living room, clearly exhausted from a long day doing rounds at the hospital. The surprisingly young doctor’s brow furrowed as he looked at your dispirited form. Normally you’d greet him with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes you’d have a snack or dinner ready for him, other times, you’d have started a hot shower for him. It didn’t take a genius for him to see that something was very clearly wrong. Taking a moment to think, Law finally pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He said simply, already putting a hand on your head so you’d rest against his collarbone. Swallowing hard, you tried to gather your thoughts. You knew there was no hiding it from him. Of the few times you’d tried, he always knew you were lying and coaxed it out of you sooner or later.

After another moment, you began to tell him what had happened, occasionally stopping as you began to worry that you were babbling again. Each time, Law would tell you to continue, reassuring you that it was fine, even if you apologized for rambling. Of the many things he’d never admit, he actually liked your rambling, liked your babbling and childish nature. It was the yin to his yang. You were bright and sunny, offsetting his rather serious, aloof personality. And while you were bright and sunny, you weren’t annoying about it. You weren’t some bimbo with an empty head who flounced around talking about the most shallow, inconsequential, idiotic things. Not some superficial pretty face with no cares in the world. There was more to you than that. He found you beautiful, yes, and you were bright and you blabbered, sure; but you had more than two brain cells, you weren’t shallow, you cared very deeply. A little bright, cheery, slightly child-like actions were a welcome change in his life.

You soon finished telling him what was wrong, followed by a million apologies for being over dramatic and annoying. After about 10 seconds of apologizing, his hand met the side of your head in a light ‘smack’, though said smack was more like a light tap of his fingers meant to shut you up and stop your endless apologies.

“Stop apologizing, I asked what was wrong and kept telling you to continue. You don’t need to apologize. Your friend’s the one who should apologize. I really don’t care about what happened or why. She hurt your feelings, she made you question yourself, you need to talk to her. Even I apologize if I hurt Bepo, Shachi, or Penguin. She needs to know she hurt your feelings and work it out with you. You realize this’ll just keep happening if you don’t talk about it, right? She won’t realize she hurt you and she’ll just do it again. If you want this to get better, say something, ask for a damned apology. If she doesn’t give you one or says you're overreacting, leave. You need friends who will listen to you and try to understand you, not ones who’ll make you feel bad just for wanting to express how you’re feeling.” Law sighed and tilted his head back. Despite his advice, he really wasn’t good at this. The way he handled things and the way you handled things were completely different.

“What if it starts a fight? What if I lose them? I really don’t want to lose my friends.” you asked, giving him a worried look.

“Then they aren’t friends, they’re people who are taking advantage of you. You really think I treat the others the same way? It’s basic respect to acknowledge a person’s feelings and try to right things. To improve your relationship by being better.” His words weren’t exactly soft or gentle, but as always, you could see right through him. You saw the care and love behind them. You nodded as you took a deep breath, letting him continue to hold you.

“Alright, I’ll try. Just… Please, take that day off. I want someone to comfort me if this starts an argument or they say they don’t want to be friends anymore.” you pleaded, making him nod.

“Of course. Just… just know that if they want to end your friendship over something instead of just saying a few simple words, then they don’t deserve you. It’ll hurt, but you deserve better.” Law said softly, continuing to comfort you.

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arkhamjack · 3 months

Text

Thank you everyone for the reblogs on my "how some of the fandom sees wolfwood vs how I see him" lol I wanted to continue the conversation bc I am very annoying about this stuff and it grosses me out bc I am sensitive or whatever but um yeah 🤓

It's pretty long so TL;DR stop being weird about Wolfwood thanks 👍

I'll talking about objectification, hypersexualisation, and prejudice so a warning I guess --->

The Gaze has been working overtime on Wolfwood's ass (and tits) and it's making me a little nuts. This is not to say his character cannot be presented in a sexy way, or that he cannot perform sexuality without being problematic, it's just... ask yourself: why.

It can be subconscious, you might not even notice it, but media tropes have a way of worming into people's brains to be regurgitated into fan art, especially if the character presents or is coded marginalised in a way you are not. (I do it too!)

It starts from young. I had an adult call me a "hot head Latina" as a child LMAO (I am not even Latin)

Characters and actors that looked like me were worked into typically these roles - If feminine, desired, sexy but crazy, dangerous. If masculine, similarly sexual, either hot or ugly, suspicious.

I feel silly and attention-seeking for speaking up about this kind of stuff, especially as I feel I'm not in a place to cry 'racism' specifically because I'm more 'ethnic' than POC.

I'm a Balkan mongrel - Greek, bits from Turkey, Albania, and fuck knows what else. I've always kept my head down about people being weird to me but it comes to a point like the point of a classmate comparing my hair to an animal's, where I feel I gotta go "ok yeah lets unpack that."

Now about Wolfwood, he's our classic racially/ethnically ambiguous smoky sexy guy. Particularly in the 98 anime, he's pretty bosomy. He's a struggler - swindling Gunsmoke with his charm and portable confessional. This swindler trope, I've observed, tends to go hand in hand with 'suspicious immigrant out for your money'. Again, maybe I've pulled that out my ass and I'm being oversensitive, but I notice things. Tastes left in my mouth. Anyway. Brings to mind the time some other classmate jokingly called me a 'hustler' for *checks notes* making sure my work is submitted on time.??

Now on the subject of NSFW fanart... oh boy I am so uncomfy writing this... I rarely see him depicted.. receiving. You can place the issues here pretty easily. Give him a break. Please. Also I did note this on my original post and also completely my own opinion but PLEASE that man is not bigger than Vash, and I don't mean like not taller, like, thiccer. Calm the fuck down.

I hate having to write this bc it makes me uncomfy and reflects my own experiences of objectification by other people which sounds all very "oh noo its sooo hard being attractive :'((" but I trust y'all smart enough to see where I'm coming from.

The gaze. Othering. Marginalised masculinity (not to mention my intersecting trans identity thats a whole other unrelated convo). Hypersexualisation. Objectification.

But back to Wolfwood!! - are these tropes perpetuated by the original creator? Personally, I don't think so. (Wolfwood's design is based off a Japanese guy btw - musician Tortoise Matsumoto) The 98 anime? Maybe?? Am I reading too much into it? It's hard not to - naturally I'll latch onto the ambiguous guy and go "alright let's see how they do this" so naturally certain things stand out to me.

But when some of that fanart starts rolling out ... Jesus Christ ... MY EYES

On the flipside, I've seen great fanart out there! And I've seen quite a few Latino headcanons for Wolfwood too!(like I mentioned before I am not Latin, I am also not American in general I am a filthy freak Australian with our own colonial racist histories and intricacies) (There is also Latin diaspora here but I don't wanna speak for anyone aaaah)

I'd like to think most of the fandom is cool about him. But um. Yeah.

I said what I said but if I did say anything out of line I am so sorry and PLEASE let me know - I am using my own experiences as reference and acknowledge the intricacies my own privilege

Yap session over 👍

#trigun #nicholas d. wolfwood #wolfwood #trigun 98 #trigun wolfwood #wolfwood trigun

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hermitcraftx · 6 months

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I agree with your post about hermit fans in regard to things being very popular. I’ve seen more people being angry and annoyed about scarian in the last six months than people celebrating it. Not tagging shipping is shit but it’s better than harassing people. I don’t know what was put in the water but something changed drastically and I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s seen it.

IT'S FUCKING INSANE! This fandom used to be so positive and welcoming and overall way more pleasant than some... other MCYT fandoms, but now??? I can't log on without seeing untagged negative interpretations in the main tags, can't express an opinion without getting anons calling me heterosexual sympathizers and hoping that I die, everyone has turned their back on everything that used to make this fandom really... fun? Like, I don't tag ON MY BLOG, but usually I don't maintag my shipping posts, and if I do, I tag the ship name so people can filter it.... I don't maintag duo names. What the fuck happened to make everyone so- miserable. Anons are probably going to be permanently off for me, too many people comfortable with their opinions and not comfortable with mine and desperately needing to tell me that.

And like- look. I get not liking interpretations. Personally I'm not a fan of the Double Life cheating arc because of how abusive and out of character people made Grian be, and I had to avoid ao3 for a bit because of that and filter the fucking tags. Same thing with found family dynamics. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it "overrated and popular" and just because you don't like something doesn't make it immoral or unethical either!!! People have to make everything a moral standpoint nowadays and it's really exhausting-

But that's a tirade. All over all the confessions blogs there's "scarian is overrated" despite Grian having nearly 10mil subscribers and most of them being on YouTube and considering all the hermits friends or family truthing them. Yes, there is more shipping than before- that's because Hermitcraft season 8 made it very obvious that the people on the SMP and the people IRL are very different, and it's no longer considered RPF. None of the real hermits died via moon explosion, ZombieCleo often says she's doing "lore", they make different skins, even GRIAN acknowledges that he's acting and playing a part with the permit office. Despite all that, there's STILL wars on shipping and people insisting that we're shipping real people, I fought this war on the DSMP side of things and it's SO TIRING.

DND podcast listeners, do you ship the people playing the characters? NO!!!!! Unless you do, in which case, have fun with that. I don't really care about RPF and I filtered the tags for it a long time ago, so maybe they do do that.

Every other day I see "Third life is overrated" "Last life is overrated" (LAST LIFE IS OFTEN THE LEAST FAVORITE SEASON I SEE PEOPLE SAY!), "the life series is overrated" "the cactus ring is fucking stupid" "they left the desert but we didn't" "no, THIS interpretation of scarian is bad and wrong" and like... guys. Guys. Fandom is supposed to be fun. It is not supposed to be a full time job. It is not supposed to be moral or ethical and you shouldn't feel the need to police shit. Jesus Christ, every other month there's a new fad that tumblr users flock to and once it's over everyone goes "EWWW THAT WAS LAME AND OVERRATED AND I NEVER LIKED IT ANYWAY" like.... I promise you cannibalism as an allegory for love is not mainstream you are just on Tumblr.

Like Good God. If it's so bad here go to Twitter. I'm sick of all the complaining and misery and hatred and I miss when things were fun- people are so scared of being cliche that they don't want to write things that they enjoy. Where are the coffee shop aus???? Where are the fun silly things??? Where are the 100k grimdark fics with worldbuilding??? Wheres the 500k fics that aren't even about the same characters anymore but that we love just the same??? Where are the forums and people talking to each other in comments and meeting each other that way??? Where are the roleplay servers?????? What are you all doing??????

People are scared of being judged. They want to do what everyone else is doing. They don't want to be cringe or cliche and every day I see a "cringe culture is dead" post and then someone making fun of another part of fandom, an antithesis to their previous statement. They don't want to be late to things, either. Who cares if Last Life was a couple years ago? Draw the fanart anyway!

I'm scared. Maybe I'm just old, but every post I see I notice that I get maybe a 10th in reblogs of what I do in likes, and I don't even post my art or fics to this site. Every post is like that. More and more people only like posts and they die, unseen, by everyone. More and more people misuse archive of our own's functions, treating it like it has some algorithm, when it doesn't, and it never has and hopefully never will. I see fic reuploads to "gain traction" (not how it works) and people reaching out to find RP partners (breaking TOS) and all sorts of other shit on both sites and it fucking horrifies me. I'm not even that old- I'm eighteen, and I can already tell how fandom has changed for the worst for everyone. Fandom used to be a community. Not consumption.

It's just... sad. Old fandom had PLENTY of fucking problems, and we have problems here too, but at least the positives outweighed the negatives. It's so... mean here, now. Even the happy things are mean-spirited. People treat it as if certain people have invaded this fandom space, spreading horrible opinions and ruining it for everyone, but the truth is is that shipping is always going to be a thing. It's a foundation of fandom- fandom started with housewives in the 1950s writing Star Trek fanfiction. You can never get rid of shipping. You can just interact with what you want to interact with and leave others to mind their own business.

#sorry i kind of went on a rant i think i needed to get that out of my system #sort of went on several tirades but im SO FUCKING GLAD ITS NOT JUST ME #OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE IT. WHAT IS UP WITH EVERYONE LATELY.#ugh.... thanmk u for the ask :3333 #jamies bad posts #jamie answers asks #grimaussiewitch #jamies serious posts #discourse

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jeanette-luminia · 2 years

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Hey can you do a Larissa x femreader where reader insecurities get the best of her (age gap and how she looks maybe) and Larissa being stressed with work just push her more down to that hole and theres no happy ending...... sorry i just want to have a good cry

𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐞 || 𝑳𝑨𝑹𝑰𝑺𝑺𝑨 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑴𝑺

a/n: I didn't expect requests to be quite overwhelming but I love it! I had fun writing this cuz I love angst, thank you anon. <3

“Doesn’t it feel weird?” your friend, Aera, said out of nowhere. Confused, you stopped drinking your coffee and tilted your head, pushing her to continue.

“I mean, Larissa’s older than you,” she said. You gripped your cup a little too hard as you kept still in your seat.

Don’t start this again.”

“I’m only stating my opinion.”

“Well, some opinions should be kept inside.” your anger was seeping, feeling your head boiling. “Y/N, she’s 43, you’re 24. Shouldn’t you be with someone who’s… I don’t know, a closer to your age?” she tried to reason.

“So what? I love her, and we’re both adults.”

“Jesus Christ, when was the last time she actually paid attention to you?” you stopped. People around you always talk about that feeling when they realize something big. When they froze. When they felt like time suddenly stopped. The feeling of your heart sinking. You were sure yourself you wouldn’t have to feel that. Everything was okay. You and Larissa are okay.

Yet you sit still, feeling your stomach drop, it almost made you sick. Everything around you was a blur. You felt your heartache, reaching your fingertips. Usually, you like the feeling of it while reading a sad book that made you sob. But at this moment, it hurts.

“S—she’s just busy.” You tremble.

“That’s bullshit. You’re forgetting that you’ve complained to me that your girlfriend hasn’t been giving you attention.”

You looked at Aera. “how much?”

“How much what?” she looked puzzled.

“How much have I been complaining?”

“...” she stared at you for a moment, before taking a deep breath. “At least every other day for weeks.” you bring your hand to your face, and you took a shaky breath as you feel an overwhelming emotion take over you.

“Listen, I’m not saying this just because I want to ruin your relationship, because I know you love her so much and that you are happy with her. But for fuck sake know your worth.” She took your hand.

“You should be with someone who will be there when you need them. I understand that she’s busy but avoiding you isn’t the answer. You should be with someone who will make time for you and is younger than her. ”

You wipe the tear that has slipped, composing yourself. “I’ll talk to her.”

You walked along the corridor, the sun was setting, and the students has retreated to their own dorm rooms. You were sure Larissa was still on her desk. Seemingly enough, you were right.

You walked in quietly, wanting to get this over with as your heart pound like someone is playing the drums. Larissa didn’t even look up to see who entered, her eyes is glued to her laptop screen.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, love.”

“How many times will I tell you to knock before coming inside?” she briefly looked in your direction before going back to typing on her laptop. She was annoyed and her patient was running on thin ice.

You thought about backing away, letting this conversation be discussed at another time. But here you are, standing in front of her desk.

“We need to talk.”

She paused, looking up at you. You saw how annoyed she was, being disturbed by her work. It’s just like how your parents look at you.

“We can talk later, dear.” she pushed away.

You shook your head. “No. Let’s talk now.”

She sighed and massage the bridge of your nose. “What?”

You looked down, feeling an overwhelming anticipation rise up from your body. You took a deep breath before saying: “You haven’t paid attention to me.” you felt your anxiety rise, and words end up in a whisper at the end.

You heard her chuckle, and you heard your heart crack.

“Y/N, that's all you want to talk about?”

“Y–yes but-”

“I’ve been busy, my dear. Running an entire school with supernatural teenagers is harder than your job.” she gritted her teeth, holding her anger. She’d been stressed by the recent activities. Wednesday has been causing trouble all over town and Sheriff Galpin has been complaining none stop.

Her anger wasn’t towards you, she just has a lot going on right now.

You felt anger bubbling all over you. “Even so, you should take a break and maybe spend time with me.”

“Not everything is about you.”

“Oh really? Coming from the person who just said that running an entire school with supernatural teenagers is harder than my job.” You retorted. You had enough of her little act.

“You know what I mean.”

“No! I don’t get what you mean! Why is work more important to me? I understand that you are keeping the school working but you need a break as well and I—”

You jumped as she slammed her hand on her desk, flinching away as she rose from her seat. “You’re acting like a child Y/N! You need to grow up and realize that not everything is about you!”

You’re acting like a child Y/N. she thinks you’re just a child. Just like everyone thinks of you being in a relationship with her.

You’re too young for her.

She’ll think you're a child.

She will have power over you.

She’s too old to be your partner.

Suddenly you feel tears in your eyes, your lips wobble in fear of her hurting you much more than she’s hurting you right now. You felt as if your heart was broken, broken into a million pieces. Maybe she wasn’t for you, you were just forcing it to work out.

Larissa paused, witnessing the damage she just caused. Your figure trembles as she towers over you. Your tears uncontrollably fall. You shield yourself against hers. She realized she became the monster she promised not to.

“Love, I–”

“Don't.”

She walked towards you, but you backed away. “You have no idea how much I’ve endured just to keep our relationship,” you said. “You have no idea how much I’ve heard people say how I should date people around my age. People say that I’m way too younger for you or you’re way too old for me. How you’ll think of me as a child.” you let everything out. The anger, the pain, the insecurities.

“I felt insecure about our relationship and you weren’t there for me! For us!” you cried, not caring about how loud you were being. “You’re always at work. I’m busy with work too but I make time for you. I wished that if I make time for you, you’d do the same.” you bring up a hand to cover your face. Your voice became hoarse and trembling.

“I guess I’m just a child.”

Her heart stung from the word she said. “No no no, you’re not a child, I was just stressed and was caught up with work.” she tried to reason out.

“Please love, I’m sorry I– I’ll make time for you. I promise. I’ll clear my schedule—”

“Too late.” she paused.

“... what?”

“Let’s end this Larissa,” you said, as you stared at her. “No please, Y/N. I’d do anything just don’t go—I’ll make time for you. Please love.” tears swell up in the corner of her eye. She wants you to stay. She needs you to stay. You were her home. The sole reason why she comes home.

“Goodbye Larissa.” You whispered, walking away from the distraught figure who is still trying to process everything.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m so sorry.” she cried out. Her knees gave in as she falls to the ground. As she heard the door close, she looked. You weren’t there anymore. You left her.

She cried that night, drinking a whole bottle of champagne. Burring her sorrow as she cried herself to sleep, hoping it was just a bad dream, and that you’d be there to comfort her when she wakes up.

You weren’t there anymore. She patted the empty side of her bed, realizing that you had left her. She cried that day, she couldn’t bring herself to go to work.

You were her last love. While she was just a love passing by, she was your second love. The love that hurts the most.

She watches you from afar. Dancing with your partner, in a beautiful white lacy dress and a veil on your hair. You were with the lover you deserve, the one who won’t be the reason she cries, the person who will make you happy, the person who will be there for you like she wished she was there.

Watches through the shadows. She brings her hand up to her neck, fidgeting with the necklace with a ring on.

It’s a bittersweet feeling, she still loves you. She never stopped loving you. She planned to propose to you after every workload she had. While trying to finish everything as early as possible, she ends up hurting you. Tears fell down her face, laughing at herself.

She would have been the one dancing with you right now.

#☕: writes #💬: answers #larissa weems x reader #gwendoline christie x reader #larissa weems #gwendoline christie

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