#but just trying to figure out what job i can realistically do gives me a headache

[bunnihearted]

im so anxious and worried for the future, bc i cant even imagine myself having a job. like having important responsibilities and having to show up and perform well, just being in the role of a grown up with a job. i honestly still feel like 14, i dont feel like i'll ever be mature or smart enough to hold a job. like me, with a job where i have responsibilities and know how to do things and actually do them? that sounds like a joke. i just feel so lost and like i'm not capable of anything and it freaks me out bc what am i supposed to do???

[satorusugurugurl]

I Think He Knows: (Chapter Four)

Summary: When your novel takes off and becomes a best seller, doors of opportunities open for you. You can work on the series you have dreamed about all your life. And you’re also given the chance to stay in a tiny cottage in Europe for two years to help with inspiration! Your best friend, Geto Suguru, shatters at the news. How could he tell you how he feels when you leave him? His opportunity appears right before him when you confess that your editor thinks a change of scenery will help with your not-so-steamy romance scenes. They’re lacking a particular spice because you’re a virgin. So, Suguru does what any best friend would do. He offers to teach you how things work. Will you cross that line as friends? Or will you both say goodbye?

Pairing: Geto Suguru x FAB!Reader

Word Count: 4,954

Warning: Language, fingering, hand-job, kissing, heavy description of genitals.

A/N: Here’s the update!! I'm sorry its so late. My wrist feels a lot better today!! 😘💚💚 thank you for your patience!!

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Five

You were glaring at your computer screen; the words struggled to come to you. Nanami was pleased with the changes you had made to your latest chapters; he said the kiss scenes were much more realistic, all thanks to your best friend, but as much as he liked it, it still didn't change the fact that your smutty mutual masturbation scene sucked balls.

“It’s getting there.” He glanced back at the words. “You’ve moved on from using meat stick to penis—while is anatomically correct, it’s not quite rousing. Perhaps try using the words shaft, dick, maybe cock.”

“Kento!”

“I’m being serious, how many erotic novels have you read where the writer uses ‘she grasped his penis in her hand’ no ‘she grabbed his cock’.”

“Right—”

“Then there’s the climax.” Nanami sighed, flipping through the pages. “Be honest with me; have you ever seen a man have an orgasm? It’s not like a fire hose in hentai—” A judgmental look was shot in your direction, which was well deserved. “It’s more like spurts.”

“Ugh, seriously?”

“Yes, and Oaklynn’s orgasm, you just described her facial reactions and breathing. Get into the pulsing or contractions she feels. Hell, make her squirt. Ilsan is a knight; he's been to brothels so the man would know how to please a woman.”

“Squirt—?”

The way Nanami deadpanned at you before running a hand down his face told you he had figured it out. He must have finally put the deli meat sex scenes, terribly written orgasms, and your lack of knowledge of female orgasms. You slowly sank lower into the booth with a flushed face.

“You’re a virgin.”

“You’re a virgin~” You mocked, sticking up your nose as the nightmares and flashbacks of your luncheon came to an end. Nanami’s suggestion to watch porn gives it a better understanding of how orgasms work. There was no way in hell you were doing that. “I don't need to have sex to know how to write a good sex scene!”

That statement was true, and having some experience would benefit you. It had kissing scenes. And it most definitely would help you with the grinding scene in the alley you were adding in. Suguru made things comfortable for you; he wasn’t pushy or manipulative. He was so gentle and kind, making sure you felt okay. You were so grateful for him, but after you started feeling weird last night and told him to stop, maybe he didn't want to keep doing stuff with you.

If you were honest with him, maybe he'd understand. But it wasn't very comfortable. It felt so intense, and you were all tingly.

Once you finished your rewrites, you would have to sit down and talk to him. You just hoped he didn’t think you were avoiding him after what happened. The sooner you finish, the sooner you can talk to him, get things back to normal, and maybe ask him to help you more. His lessons truly were helping you.

If only we weren’t having such a hard time with the stupid scene!

“Come on, just type it, dick, just type out the letters. DICK.” Your fingers hovered over your keyboard, your eyes narrowing at the screen. “It’s just a word!”

Before your fingers could even touch the ‘D,’ a fist pounded against your door. At first, you were startled; your heart lurched into your throat as your hand rested against your chest. The fist slammed against the door once again. If someone knocked at your door at 2:30 in the morning, it wasn’t a good sign. You were about to grab your phone to call Suguru when you heard his voice at the door.

“Answer, answer god, please.”

He repeated the exact words as you shove your lap desk off to the side before jumping up for the door. You open the door just as Suguru pulls his fist back to knock again. His face was pale, and his dark bangs clung to his forehead with sweat. The dark circles under his eyes were the evidence of the nightmares that he had been having and the lack of sleep.

Regardless of his appearance, your eyes still frantically searched him up and down. You were trying to find evidence of injuries or something that told you what was wrong. You could find no traces of anything other than his insomnia. He was in a white T-shirt and baggy gray sweats and stood there silently. Look of relief washing over your face. He just stood there. A look of relief washed over his face at the sight of you.

“Suguru? What’s wrong? What happened?” He doesn’t answer your frantic questions; instead, he grabs you, pushing his way inside your apartment and kicking the door shut. “Suguru?!”

You yelp as you both fall to the floor, his arms wrapped firmly around you as he holds you flush against his chest; your best friend is shaking, his breath heavy as he clings to you as if you would vanish if he let go. Seeing him in such a state made you sick to your stomach. He didn’t deserve to be plagued with the pain of what happened years ago. You knew he blamed himself for what happened with Riko. You wish you could take the pain away from him.

While that was impossible, you could be there for him when he needed you the most. So you wrapped your arms around him and squeezed, hugging him as tight as possible. “Thought I lost you.” He whispered, his hands clinging onto your tank top.

“Suguru—” you whisper, hands gently caressing his back. “You’re not going to lose me.” You feel him relax against you, shaking softly as he pulls back an inch. “Nightmares again?” His dark strands of hair cover his eyes, but he nods. “Sugu, oh sweetie—do you wanna stay the night with me?”

Your words seem to hit him like a freight train. The panic and fear in his eyes turned into relief. His muscles relax as he exhales through his nose. You reach up and caress his cheek, letting him know you are there, and he leans into your touch, nuzzling his cheek into your palm.

“Yeah, can I please?”

“Of course you can.” You lock the door before grabbing Suguru’s wrist and pulling Jim into your bedroom. “You can go to sleep. I need to finish editing this page before I lay down.”

As you sit back down, placing your lap desk in front of you, Suguru takes a moment to look around your bed. There are tiny Post-it notes and looseleaf paper spread out over your comforter, along with the mini spiral notebook you had in your purse. He had teased about it initially, but he realized that you need to jot down your ideas when inspiration hits you. So your stocking was full of the little mini notebooks you loved to carry.

Seeing that blissful smile tugged at your lips, in the warmth of the flush in your cheeks, made Suguru float with happiness. That joy that was brought on by notebooks was something he would never forget. He wanted to make you happy for the rest of your life. Not just with notebooks but a life you both could build together in a romantic relationship. Suguru wanted to give you the world on a silver platter because you deserved it and much more.

“Oh fuck, sorry, Sugu.” Small hands quickly removed the notes and the papers covering the other side of your bed. “Just transcribing and everything.” You motioned for him to lie down, patting gently on the mattress.

Suguru crawled into bed with you, covering himself with the sheet, before snuggling his head against one of your pillows. The smell of your favorite shampoo and conditioner had his nerves relaxing as he watched you glare at the screen. From the way your nose was turned up, you were deep in thought. His curiosity got the better of him, and he learned in closer, his eyes roaming over the screen.

‘Oaklynn’s face scrunched up in pure pleasure as her orgasm hit her. Her breathing was heavy, and Ilsan growled in her ear, pumping his fingers in and out of her vagina.’

Vagina?

‘That’s it~ such pretty sounds—nngh!’ Ilsan’s voice cracked as Oaklynn’s soft hand squeezed his penis, twisting her wrist as she stroked. ‘O-Oh gods! Oak~ Oaaak!’ A spray of cum coated Oaklynn’s hand, his sticky seed spraying all over her, pooling onto the mattress below them.

“PFFT!” Suguru tried hard not to laugh, his hand flying up to muffle the chuckle. But god, it was too funny!

Upon hearing the laughter from your best friend, your eyes snapped down. There he was, tears in his eyes, tanned skin flushing a rosy color as his eyes remained glued on your screen. With a tiny gasp, you slammed your screen shut before hiding your face in your hands. Your jerky, panicked motions seemed to set Suguru off more as he threw his head back, barking out in laughter.

“Oh my god! Stop!”

“W-Why was he cumming like a faucet?!” Suguru rolled onto his back, wiping at the tears.

“Stop it!”

“And using the words vagina and penis? I preferred it when you called it Meat Stick and Fairy Cave!”

You grumbled before moving your hands to push him. “Could you please stop talking!? Please, I know it’s bad!” Those words had Suguru jerking his head up, finding you flushed cheeks and glimmering eyes.

“It’s not bad—”

“Yes, it is! This screams, ‘A virgin wrote this! She’s never gotten any action,’ Which is true! How can I describe an orgasm when I’ve never even had one?!”

The truthful outburst left you panting as Suguru’s laughter abruptly stopped. His dark eyes were transfixed on your face before you got up, putting away your notes and laptop, and as you silently moved around the room, you could feel Suguru’s eyes on you. And they stayed locked on you until you crawled into bed with a sigh, curling onto your side.

The self-doubt was in your every move, from how your body tensed to your shallow breathing as you fought back tears. You knew Suguru didn’t laugh to be malicious, but it wasn't a confidence booster either. At times like these, you questioned if you were good enough to do this and if writing a smutty fantasy was what you were capable of.

Suguru frowned as he watched your body tremble, soft whimpers sounding in your chest. God, he felt like an asshole. With hesitant movements, Suguru inched himself closer to you. His hand gently inches itself around your waist, pulling you into his chest. Seeing that you didn't fight him or verbally tell him no, Suguru wrapped his arm underneath you, spooning you.

“I’m sorry.” His breath was hot against your cheek. “I shouldn't have been snooping, especially when you were in rewrites.”

“I-It’s okay. I’m struggling with it; I want to be the best I can, ya’ know?”

“Mhmm, I know princess.” The warmth of his body had you relaxing. “Can I ask you a question?”

You turned your head and pressed your cheek against his. “Yeah, of course you can.”

“You’ve never had an orgasm?” His voice was so smooth and sultry, making you shiver. “Like ever?”

It was true; you struggled to reach the mythical ‘Big O’ since you started masturbating. You felt like you would get close, it was within grasp, but you would fall short. There was a time you thought maybe you did, but the fact you had to question yourself was the only answer you needed to know that you had, in fact, not had one.

“No, I haven't; I think my fairy cave is broken.”

Suguru’s chest rumbled as he laughed loudly, giving you a tight squeeze. God, he had it so bad for you. You were so innocent and cute; you had such a good sense of humor.

“I don't think it’s broken.” His statement had you rolling so that you were facing him. “You just need to explore it some more.” His hand reaches down gently, resting it on your ass. “I could talk you through it if you want.”

Tingles ran down your spine as he squeezed the fat of your ass. It was a mixture of relief and excitement that your reaction didn't turn him off from the night before. Your hands moved, gripping his shirt gently before biting your lip. You had tried so many times before, but Suguru—he knew what to do.

“I don't want you to talk me through it—I want you to do it.” Suguru’s dark eyes went wide, his pupils the size of pinpricks. “If you want to.”

Your best friend leaned close to your ear before placing a kiss against it, and he moved further down to your neck, his tongue past his lips, kisses and little licks over your sensitive skin. The sensation had you squirming, your pulse racing in your throat, and a shuddering sigh left your mouth. Suguru sucked on your neck as his hand groped and massaged your ass. Your body felt like it was kindling with fire, a low burn in the pit of your stomach as he continued to pepper kisses over your neck.

“You want me to make you cum?”

“P-Please.”

“I’d do anything for you.” He grunts gravelly into the crook of your neck. “I’ll make sure you know what an orgasm feels like. That way, your already amazing writing is more accurate.” Teeth grazed over the skin, leading to your shoulder, as one of Suguru’s hands slipped under your shirt, trailing over your belly. “Can I touch you?”

“Y-Yea—aah—” his hand groped your breast the second he heard ‘yeah’ leave your mouth. He gently squeezed it, massaging it between his long, thick fingers. His thumb gently brushed over the nipple with every squeeze. “Mmm—” you pressed your lips together as your eyes tailed down, watching his hand move underneath your tank top.

Suguru continued to kiss and nip at your neck, trailing kisses so gently over your skin; well, his other hand pinched and pulled at your nipple, rubbing the bud between his fingers. The way your body twitched and jerked underneath his touch had his cock throbbing hard within the confines of his sweats. The breathless gasps, the way you took your bottom lip between your teeth, gently gnawing at it, you look so fucking hot; he wanted to do more to see what other reactions he could draw out from you.

Suguru’s hand left your breast, slowly trailing down past your stomach before pressing his whole palm over your clothes-clad pussy. Being touched intimately for the first time had you jerking, eyes snapping shut. Suguru groaned, rubbing his hand over your pussy, feeling the warmth of your sex. You gasped as he pulled his hand away to his index and middle finger over your clothed clit. Your body jerked forward, your arms wrapping around his neck, hands sticking into his hair as he brushed over the sensitive bundle and the nerves a second time.

“Does that feel good?” Suguru asked, his mouth pulling away from your sensitive skin.

Your mouth fell open as your eyebrows knitted together. “F-Feels r-real good.” His fingers began rubbing against your clit in slow circles, drawing out a whine from your chest. “O-Oh fuuuck S-Suguru.”

“I got you~ I got you, don't worry.” His fingers rubbed faster, memorizing how you jerked and reacted, repeating the same movements to get you to respond more.

The intensity of everything was becoming too much for you to handle. It felt like your whole body was on fire, like a pot on the stove roaring to a boil. You needed more; you weren’t sure what, but you needed more of this, of Suguru. He needed to quench your thirst, to put water on the flames burning with every nerve of your body, and you knew that his fingers would be the only thing that could help you.

“I-I want more.” Your voice was so timid, making Suguru’s hand seize up momentarily. “Please.”

“You sure?” he asked, his voice dark and husky.

With a nod, you grabbed his wrist, bringing it up to the waistband of your shorts. “Yes, I’m positive.” You gently pushed his wrist down, allowing his fingers to slip under the elastic band. You could’ve sworn Suguru choked on his breath, his eyes widening in the low light of your bedroom as they glanced down to his hand that had breached your shorts.

Suguru wrapped his arm around you, holding you steady as his hand dipped lower, brushing against your slick folds. The initial contact has your head tilting back m as he groaned, feeling your delicate skin before rubbing at your clit gently. You gripped the fabric of his shirt, digging your nails into it. Your body trembled as you buried your face into his neck, whimpering against his skin.

“S-Suguru—”

“Is this okay?” Suguru moved slowly, carefully listening closely to your breathing and noting how you shook—memorizing each twitch, saving it for him to jerk off to when you fell asleep. All you could do was nod your head as you lost yourself in the pleasure. Seeing that you were doing so well, Suguru slipped his hand back further, his thumb rubbing against your clit before slowly sliding two fingers into you.

“Nngh!” You gasped out, pressing your lips against Suguru’s neck as you mewled. “Sugu~! Sugu~!” Your walls were beginning to flutter and convulse around him as he slowly curled his fingers in.

Feeling your hot breath against his neck, how your lips gently traced unintentional kisses over his sensitive skin had his cock throbbing hard. Suguru pressed into you, rubbing his hardening cock against your thigh. He slowly began thrusting his fingers in and out of you, wet squelched flooding the room as he rubbed your clit harder.

“I want to make you cum Princess.” He snarled against your cheek.

The vulgar words had you clamping down harder on his fingers. Your body was getting hotter, from your toes to your pussy, all the way into your stomach. That coil from a few nights before began tightening, coiling deep inside you. The intensity had you tugging on Suguru's shirt.

“S-Sugu~ f-feels intense a-again—Ah oh fuck it’s l-like before.” There was a twinge of uncertainty and fear in your voice. “I-I—”

“I know it's weird, but just let go. I got you—it’s going to feel so fucking good in a second.” His fingers moved in and out of your tight, wet heat faster, drawing out more gasps from you. “Trust me.”

“I-I do feel good, b-but—” Suguru hooked his fingers up, moving them in a come hither motion, causing your legs to shake. “Fuuuck! Oooh fuck!”

“God, you sound so good,” he whispered so softly you couldn't hear him over your moans. “So good.” Suguru had dreamed about doing this to you for so long, to have you underneath him, showing you how much you meant to him. It was a dream to have you clinging to him, gasping his name.

“Sugu—Suguru—” You could feel something coming; it was intense, making your toes curl. “S-Sugu—I-I—I think—!”

“That’s it~ that’s it, let go~ you’re gonna cum.”

His fingers pressed into the sponge spot inside of you. The pressure of his fingers and his thumb rubbing your clit had you seeing stars. You screamed into his neck, shutting your eyes tight as your thighs clamped around his hand. The pure fiery pleasure had your whole body and pussy convulsing as you cried out loudly, so loud Suguru heard your neighbor hit the wall with a ‘shut up.’

Suguru couldn't care; he wanted you screaming his name. He groaned as he felt your slick on his fingers, slowing down to help you ride out your first orgasm. "Shhhh, shh—princess, don't be too loud~" You panted heavily against his neck, tears in your eyes as the last waves of pleasure washed over you.

“Oooh fuck.” You wheezed out as Suguru gently pulled his finger out of you. “Oh my god.” As you rolled onto your back, Suguru quickly slid his fingers into his mouth, sucking your cum off with a satisfied growl. You tasted sweet with a tang of citrus; it was addictive. God, what would he do to taste it firsthand?

As he pulled his fingers out of his mouth, you rolled back onto your side and stared at him. Suguru smiled cocking an eyebrow at the almost unreadable expression on your face. “Yes? Can I he—eeegh!” Your hand brushed over his hard cock, catching him off guard. “W-What are you doing?” you say up on your knees, cheeks flushed with post-orgasmic glow and determination.

“I-I've never seen a man cum! A-And seeing that you offered to help me, c-could I watch you jerk off? O-Or maybe if it’s okay, could I touch you? Y-You’re hard, right?”

Your bluntness and straightforward request left your best friend gaping at you. You wanted to touch him? God, this was like two dreams coming true. But as much as he wanted to have your hand on him, he was afraid he’d blow his load the second your fingers wrapped around him. So he's going to have to compromise for now.

“How about I jerk off, and you can wrap your hand around me?”

“Okay! Um! Let's start.”

You sat back on your heels, swallowing hard as Suguru pulled the sheets off his body. You could hear your pulse pounding in your ears as you watched your best friend sit up, resting his back against your headboard, dark hair falling over his shoulder with every movement. Why were you so nervous? It was just Suguru’s dick, just your best friend, who just made you cum your brains out. Nothing about this should make you anxious! He was helping you! This was research!

But your research had your pussy throbbing as Suguru hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his pajama pants and pulled it down. When he did, his thick erect cock bounced, landing against his stomach with a hardy thump. It was heavy and thick, and it had you pressing your thighs together. The tip was a deep, dusty, rose color, dribbling out a clear substance from the tip. His shaft was tan; thick veins ran up and down as it twitched.

“Oh—” you whispered, taking in his well-trimmed pubes, admiring his happy trail that went from the bottom of his belly button down to the base of his cock. “Oooh fuck.”

“Yeah—” Suguru groaned, tilting his head to the side as he watched you with dark, knowing eyes. He saw the way you looked at him, your gaze lingering on his cock. “this is it.”

Suddenly, it became crystal clear why he had so many romantic partners. He was thick and big. You’re sure it would hit every place inside you that would feel good. Wait a minute, not you, his previous partners! It must’ve hit all the right places inside of them. It probably felt so good. Like how his fingers felt pressing that spot inside you. His cock had the perfect curve that would hit it just right.

“You good there? Did your virgin brain malfunction?”

In a way, it did, but you wouldn’t acknowledge that it had. “W-What!? No, of course not!” your eyes started to burn with a visible flush. “No.” Suguru just laughed breathlessly.

“I'm just teasing you, come here, I’ll show you what it looks like when a guy cums.” Your eyes slowly drifted back towards him, your breath catching in your throat at the sight of him stroking his shaft. His hand moved silly up and down, smearing what you could only assume was pre-cum over himself. “Fuccck.” he grumbled, “I’m so hard, I-I'm probably not going to last long.” That was okay with you. “You can wrap your hand around mine.”

With his invitation, you placed your hand over his moving your arm up and down as he stroked his cock. He didn’t go all the way down to the base. Instead, he focused his attention on the head of his cock. Each time, he stroked his cock, his head tilted back against the headboard as his legs spread. The muscles in his upper thighs constricted with each jerk. He looked so fucking good, like some sex god.

Seeing him in such a state had you trying to match his movements as best as possible and attempting to keep up with his steady but jerky pace. Your eyes wandered to where his shirt pulled slightly up, just enough for you to see the bottom half of his abs that were clenching with each stroke that focused on the head of his cock.

While his movements utterly entranced you, Suguru’s eyes were drawn to you. The way you took your bottom lip between your teeth, how your eyes roamed over him, focusing on the muscles in his stomach, before trailing back towards his cock. Your presence was enough to have him dribbling more pre-cum out. Suguru straightened his legs out, toes curling as his hand moved faster up and down over the head of his cock. He had it down so bad for you that it was going to be enough to send him over the edge.

“Oooh fuuuck~ fuck fuck fuck~” he growled through gritted teeth. “Fuck yeah.”

Fuck, oh God, he looks so good. Watching him pleasure himself had you feeling warm and fuzzy deep inside. He was really into jerking his hand up faster, squeezing himself hard. He looks so fucked out of his mind, and you were sure if you could see your face, your expression with mirror his. There was something about watching him getting off that had your pulse racing in your pussy throbbing, your shorts were already wet enough, and you could feel more slick coating them.

Moving your hand with his wasn’t enough. Biting down on your lip, you pulled his hand away. “Hey, what ar—aah—” Suguru’s head lolled back as you wrapped your soft hand around him, jerking your hand up and down at the same pace he was going.

“O-oooh.” You were not expecting it to be as velvety smooth as it was. The feeling of his cock in your hand had awakened something in you. You leaned over him, resting your free hand on his upper thigh. Stroking your hand over his cock up and down faster and harder, squeezing it like he had done to himself.

Suguru threw his head back against the headboard, hissing through his teeth as his eyes watched your hand move up and down over him. He had the scenario so many times in his head and his wet dreams when he would stroke himself until he would cum all over his hand. The final push was to feel you touching him with such enthusiasm.

“C-Cummin! Fuck! I’m cumming Princess!” Spurts of thick white cum shot out of his tip, lashing out over his stomach and his T-shirt. It wasn’t all like a hose; it was small ropes, for it to be exact, that lashed out over him and your hand. “A-Aah!” His whole body jerked his abs, clenching as his eyes rolled back, and you continued jerking your hand, milking him for all you could.

“W-Wow, tha-that was hot.” at the sound of your voice Suguru shot his hand forward, grabbing your wrist, stopping you from continuing to move over his cock. “O-Oh, sorry—“

“N-No, you’re okay, just sensitive.” He grunted as he let you go, allowing you to pull your coated hand back.

You both sat in your bed, traces of your orgasm coating both of you as Suguru came down from his high. Silence filled the open air between you, but it wasn’t at all awkward; instead, it was thick with tension, sexual tension. A tension Suguru was familiar with while the feeling was alien to you. Part of you wanted to reach out and kiss him, but something inside you prevented you from moving forward. Because this wasn’t a relationship, this was just your best friend helping you when you were struggling. It was nothing more than that.

Seeing as you were the only one capable of functioning, you got up and headed into your bathroom, grabbing a warm wet rag to clean you both off with. “Thank you for letting me do that.” You whispered as you cleaned off your hand before gently handing him the rag. “That was very informative, and I think it will help me with the pages. I’ve been struggling with it.” Suguru stared blankly at you, taking in your words as he wiped his cum off his stomach and shirt.

“Of course, I’m glad I could help you out.”

“Uhm, so do you wanna go to bed?”

“Yeah—yeah, that sounds good.”

“Awesome!”

After snatching the rag from him and tossing it in the bathroom, you crawled back into bed with your best friend. A man you had known since your childhood who you had grown up with. The two of you had been through thick and thin together, always there for one another no matter the circumstances.

As you lay down on your side, Suguru wrapped his arms around you, pulling you flush against your chest. You couldn’t help but wonder if you both had crossed the line tonight. Or if you had taken a step towards a new chapter of your relationship? Those questions could wait until morning because you were only concerned about how good it felt to be wrapped in his arms, listening to his heartbeat as you both drifted to sleep.

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks

Tag List (TO BE ADDED AGE MUST BE IN BIO)

@lemonintrovert01 @spankmydepression @renttheannihilator @witchbybirth @missmuffinr @lialia3945 @theobsidianempress @aquasan29 @toffeebrat @aussiemeerkat @chimichangagirl @zoroisminty @spankmydepression @em-aizawa @gojosimp26

[postersofleon]

Wrong Chocolates

notes: sorry for taking too long. anyways: "rivials' to lovers with a fem!reader. ada is just being ada wong. smut, probably ooc ada and not completely realistic. public sex, no minors

- requested

All the hotel rooms could hear was angry women fighting with muted heels clicking in the carpeted ground. Some people wanted to see why, but curious will kill the cat once they realize how dangerous it is to listen to this conversation. Two mercenaries with different looks of the world were discussing a plan. This plan led them to be invited into a party thanks to your fault.

Ada wanted this to be the most simple thing ever, but you... you!

She rubbed her eyelids not caring of her makeup anymore. "I told you stay back." Ada swallowed her anger. She didn't need an audience to wake up even more. You fought the urge to roll your eyes. You hated being scolded when a guy was being too gross around Ada. 

"He was," You sighed deeply, "Horrible. He wanted to kiss you." Besides, the bodyguard had been drinking so much he might have hurt Ada. The main difference between you and Ada were forming little by little. You weren't a field agent like Ada. Sometimes you could barely stand in your two feet when you tripped inside the hotel. 

Ada sighed, "Kissing sometimes is part of the job. To convince the idiot." She was tired of how you constantly wanted to protect her. You wouldn't even last a day with Wesker. 

"Well, don't kiss an idiot." You replied with a very Duh expression. 

An very tired sigh escaped Ada's lips, she took off her heels and went to her room ready to ignore all your words. "Ada!" You stomped forward. "Ada." Ada rolled her eyes. She was willing to let you sleep outside. She shut the door on your face and went to sleep; Ada sat on the queen bed boredly, trying to figure out the mess and how to clean it up. You and Ada had been mistaken for a queer couple because you trying to defend her.

That's the least thing she wanted from you, but now Ada needed to commit to you. She grabbed the hotel room's phone and sighed, "Can I get sex chocolates?" Ada had another plan now hoping you wouldn't ruin it again.

The next day, Ada found you in the restaurant eating breakfast with a couple. Ada's brow tilted, she slowly approached you and the pair in the attempts of hearing what you were speaking about. But the pair stopped. They gave you a thumbs up before leaving you and Ada only. 

"What was that about?" Ada asked. 

"We woke them from our fight, they decided to invite me to sleep in their room when you locked me out." You forced a smile to her. But you decided not to test your luck with her, you let out an exhale, "So, I'm guessing you have a plan." Your fingers gently touched the silverware before fully committing to grab them to eat your breakfast. 

Ada nodded her head, "Yes," She nodded her head, "I decided it's not the end of the world for you to place us in a party." Especially when the the party was in a club. Ada leaned closer, her knees touched your knees, "Considering that our target barely let's go of the floppy disk, I'm sure she'll have it with her." You wanted to doubt that someone will bring something important in a club, and Ada looked so determined that all you had to say was. "Okay." Ada was like a cute chipmunks with her cheeks puffed up. 

She finally smiled at you. "Good." She stole your drink before heading somewhere else. You let out a small groan, your hand rubbed your forehead. "Can I get another one?" You asked your server. You knew why you were here giving support to Ada, but... you wished you weren't doing this. 

"Happy New Year, ma'am." The waiter smiled.

"To 1999." You muttered. You needed 1998 to finish quick.

When you were done with your breakfast, you went upstairs to your hotel room you shared with Ada. Almost immediately, you hurried to take a shower and wash your teeth. You heard the door open, "Ada?" You left the room and saw Ada indeed standing there. She had two plastic bags with a red dress and the other was black dress, "Good thing you took a shower." She sat on the bed, "Here's your dress." It was a typical satin cocktail dress with small ruffles for texture. Ada always adored to dress in fancy dresses when the event was unknown complain or in a fancy situation. 

"How our company has enough money for your clothes is amazing." You whispered softly. Ada wouldn't dare actually wearing her actual clothes in real missions especially with missions that deal with blood. And writing clothes for taxes wouldn't count (As if Ada paid for taxes).

Ada laughed softly. "I got my ways." She handed you a sticky bra, "Can't wear a normal one with the dress." For the first time, there's peace between you and Ada, and even Ada noticed. You knew Ada was beautiful. There's no denial for you to say otherwise, but you couldn't deny either that she was a pain of an ass. Unnecessarily cold. She was a mercenary yet most of her employers were bad people. The worst that you couldn't imagine.

She was the worst yet you couldn't hate her. You knew... why she was like this. Nobody out of the blue decides to become a mercenary.

But peaceful moments are always interrupted by something stupid, mean or both. The hotel room was knocked by, it was room service and once again. It was too much for any random person looking by, the tense was tight and close. 

It didn't look like two friends enjoying time together. 

Room service awkwardly placed the chocolates on the bed and left you alone. 

"Get dress." She whispered.

"Yes, ma'am."

Ada went to the bathroom to shower herself as well. So, the mission wasn't clear yet, but you had to understand before anything else. You dried your body up and put on the dress, it was perfectly tight around your body. No tights. No stockings. Just heels and the dress. You sat on the bed waiting now for Ada to come out, you grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Empty channels with nothing. How dull.

As you flicked through the channels, Ada finally came out with her bra and panties without shame. "It's a Thursday, why isn't there anything in TV?" You turned to see Ada in disbelief, "I have seen this damn strange commercial for Mr Clean like three times. At least MTV, is interesting." 

Ada put on her black tights, "Well, it's the Christmas season, you know how people are." Soon her red dress. "Zip me." Ada told you. You stood up and zipped up her dress. "You have the strangest scars, Ada." Your finger traced her back, her skin was always so smooth.

"But there aren't visible." Ada muttered back.

"They'll be later. You have seen the people in our work." You whispered. Ada grabbed the chocolates and dumped them in her bag, "Yeah, well, maybe in seven years," Ada looked at you, "Let's go to the damn club." 

The pair of girls began to walk towards the end of the hall. Tolerating the cold for like twenty minutes and entered the taxi. Ada fixed her dress a bit. The city lights reflected in her face, the details of Ada will definitely kill you.

When you two finally arrived at the club, Ada looked at you, "Don't mess it up." Ada's daily reminder of not screwing up. "So, you'll be alone?" You asked softly.

"Of course," Ada entered and like always swayed her hips back and forth, "Be a good girl." Ada only spoke to you in that degrading manner in front of people. You mocked her immediately when she turned her back. 

But Ada lost a fight today. You stole one of her chocolates; without a doubt, you opened the wrap and ate the chocolate. 

In the club, people had those cliché 1999 glasses as they drunk their souls away. Ada looked around and found the target. All of Ada's movements were planned. A gentle step here and another there, and she perked up her breasts. The target was an idiot. 

Those were her favorites.

Especially the jealous ones. The target was a fan of Ada's body. Ada smiled, "Hi." She put her hands on her hips once she saw her target in a close way. The flashing lights of green and blue were making her shine. The target smiled, "Hi." She answered back.

The target chewed on her lip, she rubbed her legs, "Your girlfriend isn't here?" Ada barely opened her mouth, but nothing came out when she felt your arms on her waist. The target groaned.

Ada turned to see you, your cheeks were flushed, "Um," Ada spoke your name softly, "Are you okay?" Ada checked on your face and they felt warm. She completely gave you her attention, she cupped your face and forced you took at you.

You felt so damn horrible. Your heart was beating so fast, blood was flushing all over your body. You were barely separated by Ada for twenty minutes, and you felt so... uneasy. "C-can you take me back to the hotel?" You begged weakly. 

Your thighs clenched up. All the blood in your body was focused on your pussy and your breasts. You though refused to use those words especially in front of the target. Ada nodded her head, "Yeah, sure," Ada put her hand on your waist and slowly dragged you away, "What did you eat?" Ada whispered softly. 

"I stole one of the chocolates from your bag." You admitted.

Damn you.

Ada sighed. Another plan of hers ruined because of your... dumbself. Ada dragged you out of the club, "Barely, barely a second in and you messed it." Ada hissed softly. 

You just felt turned on by her scolding. "Yeah, I know. I suck." You muttered.

Ada stopped a taxi. She didn't want to leave you alone in this state of mind. Your fingers were holding Ada's hips. "They'll last about three hours." Ada gently put you inside the taxi. It was a small wave throughout your body, it was focused on your nipples. You wanted to calm down. You needed to calm down. 

"Three?" You asked softly. Ada nodded her head, she entered inside with you and closed the door. Ada felt your warm body, the small trembles as your hands rubbed your thighs. Ada grabbed your hands to stop you. "No." 

This felt like a goddammit ovulation. Your pussy... you could feel it pulse. Your clit needed the simulation to get rid of this feeling. You rested your head on Ada's shoulder, "W-why didn't you tell me?" You asked weakly. If Ada just told her that they were sex chocolates, you wouldn't have touched it. Ada rolled her eyes, "I... I wasn't suppose to just tell you everything I do." 

But Ada knew you were right. Ada had worked alone for so long that she accidentally shot her own partner in foot. 

You two arrived back to the hotel. You were hold Ada, holding and loving her warmth, but never push your luck. It was a harsh difference from yesterday's fight. You two entered the elevator, your grabbed the bar and kept your legs open. You took in deep breaths over and over.

Ada wrapped her arms around your waist, "Listen, I may be a bitch," Her hands traced your thighs gently, "But it's my fault you are like this." That sounded good enough to convince herself as her fingers slowly raised your dress. 

Your thighs had goosebumps from the cold and from her simple finger moving up. All the shame you had was disappearing, it's was what you wanted. Ada's fingers slowly pushed away your panties and found your wetness. Her middle finger entered, her thumb was gently rubbing your clit. 

"Fuck," You grabbed more of the bar as that small gasp of a simple curse escaped, "Ada..." A pathetic whine. Ada's left hand rubbed your hips gently, "I know. I'm sorry." She kissed your neck. Her finger began to flick inside of you, her thumb and all of her remaining fingers were getting all your wetness. Your nipples felt so sensitive, so sore and needy to be touched. You couldn't complain about Ada. Her finger was fucking your pretty cunt as her thumb rubbed your clit.

Ada's hand grabbed your tits and squeezed them nice and good. Her breathing was increasing little by little. "You barely listen to me and you actually put on that sticky bra." Ada's hands lowered to your stomach to grab you properly. 

Her slender fingers forced themselves shoved inside of you. Her index and her middle were now being pumped over and over. The overwhelming smell of sex was stuffing this poor elevator and anyone who came back could tell. 

Your dumb mind was so happy that she had short nails, but it was obvious why she kept them short.

Ada was enjoying the show as well. Your dumb hips were attempting to keep still, but those small trembles. She smirked. Her fingers removed themselves from your cunt and rubbed around your needy clit. A high pitched whine escaped your mouth, "Ada..." It even trailed off a bit. How fun. Ada sucked her fingers.

"Turn to see me." Ada muttered in a low tone. 

You turned around. Your cheeks were warm, "Okay." Ada's fingers caressed your lips for a bit until she got into her knees. Her hands slid down your body until they grabbed your hips. Ada licked your wetness directly from you with long lick. Her nose pressed against your clit as she made out with your lips. 

You couldn't take it anymore. "Ada, fuck." Your hands grabbed her black hair and force her closer. Ada's fingertip grabbed your thighs tightly as she gave your cunt those teasing licks and sucks. Her warm tongue licked up all your messes, licking your folds over and over until it shoved itself inside your cunt. Your cunt immediately clench around it, but you weren't ready to cum. But it didn't matter when you came.

The elevator finally dinged at your level. Ada stood up and grabbed your hand tightly. Everything was happening to fast and quick when she opened the door. Ada finally kissed your lips, she wasn't as patient with your mouth as she was down in her knees. She slowly and carefully pushed your legs to walk backwards until you were on your back. She slide her own dress up and grinded her pussy against yours. This was cursed. Her tights and your panties were avoiding any proper touch.

Three hours of this. 

All because you ate the wrong chocolate.

[dunmeshichilchuck]

For That One Guy on Tumblr, part 4

Chilchuck x !fem !halffoot reader

You were going to have to be strategic about this. You didn't want to step on Chilchucks toes after all, and you didn't know if there would realistically be work for more than one halffoot. It sounded like Chilchuck was strictly no combat, so maybe you could pick that side of it up? But even if you could convince them of your usefulness, would they be willing to sign a contract to take on a new party member? You frowned, considering.

You heard your name and glanced up. "yes, sorry, what?" 

"What do you think you want to do?" Marcille asked. "I'm afraid that I can't cast the leaving spell to get you out of here, it's not my specialty, but maybe we could get you back up to a higher floor? You could find another party and work your way back up."

"....I was actually going to ask if I could travel with your group." You hesitantly explained. "You wouldn't need to pay me or anything, and I don't eat much. I am skilled in my field and I could definitely be a big help to Chilchuck in disarming traps and giving advance warning of threats." You continued on with something that was only half a lie. "I think your group really can take down the mad mage, and I'd like to be a part of that." 

You were also pretty good at drawing monsters away or distracting them, or even engaging in combat if necessary. But you figured you'd keep that little tidbit to yourself while you figured out the dynamics of the group. Chilchuck had seemed to be pretty against the idea of halffoots as bait and combat participants, if you really needed to use it as leverage you could, but otherwise it wouldn't be wise to offer services he'd shut down already. After all, alienating the other halffoot in the party could only go badly. 

Marcille looked surprised, but before she could say anything, Laois jumped in. 

"Yeah! That would be great! Chilchuck you've talked about the difficulty of disarming traps before, if you had a helper wouldn't it be a lot easier? You guys could work in a team! And she's right, halffoots don't eat much." 

Chilchuck frowned consideringly. "Hmmm, I usually don't work with others....I guess we could give it a shot but if you get in my way and aren't helpful you'll have to stand back with the rest of the party. I'm good at my job and I don't need anyone jumping in trying to help and fucking it up."

You nodded, trying to keep a look of some kind of humble gratefulness on your face, reminding yourself firmly that you needed to stay on the good grace of the guy you'd be working with. But internally you felt the full concentrated wrath of a thousand suns. Who the fuck did this guy think he was? The god king of traps? All you were suggesting was working as a team to do shit like simultaneously disarm arrow and pressure traps and shit. You'd have to be fucking stupid to not be useful to another trap disarmer. Maybe he had more experience in this dungeon than you, but you'd hit plenty of other dungeons before this one was even discovered.

Senshi piped in. "I'd want to have y/n along for a bit anyway." He turned to you. "I'll need to draw up a careful food schedule for ye. I think you'll need to be eating a small amount once every couple of hours for the next few days."

Everyone kind of nodded, and...that seemed to be that. Through the rest of the night, you kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, more questions to be asked, someone to demand you demonstrate your skills, but it never happened. No one pried into your business, and it seemed to be just business as normal.

Once nighttime hit you were set up to share a bedroll with Marcille. A little awkward but Marcille was skinny and you were half her size so you actually both fit pretty nicely without having to be too tightly packed. 

Laois attempted to suggest that perhaps you and Chilchuck could share a bedroll, being the two smallest party members, but Chilchuck shut it down with a clearly practiced level of defensive aggression. 

Before bed Senshi popped up with a bowl full of delicious smelling soup. 

"Took me a bit but I've made some hearty stew with the lamb chops! I'm just giving you the broth to drink right now, but in the morning you should be able to eat it fully."  

You drank the broth slowly and carefully under the watchful eye of Senshi. You also noticed that Chilchuck casually positioned himself strategically close to you, although he was feigning an air of unconcern. 

So NOW the fucker cared what happened to you. He'd insult your ability without even knowing about you, but apparently he'd deign to babysit. 

You shot him a somewhat halfhearted glare as you pointedly sipped your soup with all the patience of a woman determined to prove she did actually have survival skills. 

By the time you were finished with your food, everyone else was already settling down. You slipped into Marcilles bedroll as quietly as possible, and almost immediately passed out cold. 

Tag list, ask to tag:

@night-shadowblood-writes2

@thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry

@dunmeshimeshi

@leguink 

[russellsppttemplates]

What we have is worth fighting for (Lance Stroll)

Lance's lifestyle seems so different to your own that your mind has no other place to go other than doubt

Note: english is not my first language. Here's some Lance for you. And also a topic that whenever I have way too much time, I sometimes think about and I have yet to reach a proper conclusion. Do I like how this turned out? I'm not sure

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: reader has worries and negative thoughts that could be associated with anxiousness

"Do you have time to go to my place for a bit? I know you have an early morning tomorrow.", Lance pointed out despite wanting to enjoy your company for a little longer. Looking at your wristwatch, you debated it, figuring that, realistically, another night where you slept a little bit less was not going to make a difference considering you hadn't slept the recommended amount of hours since you were a teenager, "I have time", you smiled, allowing Lance to open the door on the passengers' side of his car so you could get in.

It was not the first time you had been in his car on your way to his place. From the beggining, you understood that while Lance had a very public job, he preferred to keep the other parts of his life on the private side, hence the fact that you had kept your dates as private as possible, in smaller places in town that you knew of and between your flat and his place. You sat in his big sofa after leaving your shoes at the door, making yourself as comfortable as you could while he went to the laundry room, mentioning something about a blanket he had spilled some tea on.

"The stain is cleaned, so, there you go", Lance announced, arriving with the soft material in his arm and giving it to you, "do you want some tea? I think I found the one we had at your place last week", he offered, accepting your nod, "yes, please", and heading for his kitchen.

Looking around, you couldn't help the curiosity that came over you as you looked at all the picture frames while laying the blanket on top of your legs. Some family holidays, you presumed, with Lance and his sister playing in snow in some pictures, but also some with a beautiful beach in the background. The pictures with a city background made it harder for you to guess where it was, some aspects allowing you to distinguish between probable different continents given the architectural design of the buildings, but still not enough to list all of them. "Don't look to close or you might start loosing interest", Lance startled you as he walked with two steaming mugs, setting them on the coasters on the coffee table in front of you.

Blushing for being caught, you thanked him and held the mug between your hands, taking a sip from it as you expected him to pick up on any subject we'd want to talk about. Lately, every day you had spent some time with Lance, it usually ended up in either of your places, just talking while having some form of snack or drinks. He was definitely not who you expected to click with, much less with how quick it happened. You felt yourself roll your eyes everytime you thought about it, but he was the picture you imagined whenever someone questioned you about the qualities in the partner you were looking for.

"I think it's time for me to go home", you admitted reluctantly, realising that if you didn't, you would suffer the consequences while you were attending lectures, "let me take you then", Lance smiled, patting his thighs and getting up while you folded the blanket. "No, no need, I can just call an Uber, I-", you were interrupted by Lance, "Nonsense, I suggested we come here, and I have the time, I'll do it", he noted, grabbing his car keys once he put his shoes on and leading the way.

.

"Hey, are you having a good day? I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time", Lance asked over the phone, the sound of the blinker allowing you to presume he was driving, "hello! I've had a full day, I'm leaving the library now - thank you, see you tomorrow -, sorry, I was just talking to the desk lady, but yes, it's been work heavy, but I got all of it done", you smiled and sighed, the tiredness overcoming your body as you walked down the stairs.

"That's good, Y/N, that's amazing!", he reinforced, "how would you feel about having something to eat together? I know you probably don't want to go anywhere, so how about I get us some take away and I meet you at your place?", he offered, making you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Given your busy schedule and how tired you got when it all piled up, it was not easy for some of your friends to understand that you preferred to stay in instead of going out.

"That's a nice plan. I'm going home now, so I'll meet you there? I just have to change out of these clothes so I look a little bit more presentable", you chuckled, "I'm sure you look the prettiest", he urged over the phone, "I'm going to call and make the order and then I'll let you know when I'm heading to your place", he finished, bidding goodbye to eachother as you walked home.

Walking inside your small flat, you thanked your past self for having taken care of cleaning it during the weekend, only having to put away some textbooks and some folders so the papers wouldn't be floating around the living room. It didn't take long before Lance texted you saying he already had the food with him and that he was making his way to your place.

You were setting the table when you heard the knock on the door, looking around and checking if anything else was misplaced before opening the door, "hey! Come in", you urged him, seeing Lance carrying two bags of food, "can you bring those to the table, please? I'll just leave my shoes and coat here", he smiled charmingly, doing so while you carried the bags to the table, wondering what he could've possibly bought that was so heavy.

"I'm here!", Lance approached you, kissing your cheek and showing you a small bunch of flowers, "the shop by the restaurant only had these left, they were just about to close and the lady made them look as pretty as possible", be smiled, handing you the nice smelling flowers, "Oh, I wasn't expecting these, thank you!", you smiled, kissing his cheek and he took the opportunity to squeeze you into a hug, "it's alright", he forwarded, "Shall we eat though? I'm quite hungry, and I bet you are too, so I got a little portion of a few things from this italian that is really really good. I went there with my sister when she and her husband visited and they loved it, too!", he said as he took the take out boxes from the paper bags.

Despite there being a lot of different starters and main dishes, they had been perfectly portioned so they would satisfy both of you and not leave any leftovers, "Oh, try this! It's incredible", you mentioned, swirling your fork so you could gather the pasta and forming a shell with your hand so the sauce wouldn't drip and you could give it to Lance, not even thinking about how the gesture would be perceived. Quickly, Lance ate the forkful and groaned, not seeming to have minded it, "it tastes amazing! But is is better than this one?", he quirked, doing the same wirh his fork and feeding you a ravioli, smiling when he noticed your puffed out cheeks blowing air so it wouldn't be as hot.

Like usual, conversation flowed easily and you had a great night, ending up sitting together on your sofa and had slowly inched closer to one another, "today really tired you out, hm? Do you want me to leave?", Lance said, noticing you were nearly falling asleep on his shoulder, "no, don't leave", you quickly replied, "but yes, I had a lot to get through", you noted, feeling his head turn to look at you, "what tasks did you so then? Is it that research project?", he curiously asked. Looking back up at him, you listed all the things you had done, "we got to the next phase already, so that's been good, but also more work. Then some spreadsheets where I almost lost my mind, but some video on YouTube explained it, so that was sorted", you said, "and that was it. I know it sounds like I didn't do much, but it did consume some energy", you blushed, "Why would you say that? You are in front of all these projects and making sure things are running smoothly. That's not an easy job, you should be proud of yourself, like I am", he tempted. It wasn't the first time he had said something like that, and he hoped you were starting to catch up on his intentions. It was hard to deny the attraction he felt for you, but also how you just clicked. Lance hadn't felt like that about someone in a really long time, where he thought that someone could be it in the long run. While he didn't want to come on too strong or feel like he was on a clock, he also wanted to make sure you knew where he stood when it came to you.

"You are?", you questioned, maybe a bit too strong for the average person's liking, but it was not a word you heard everyday, much less a feeling you knew people had for you. "Yes, I'm very proud of you. Of what you're doing and how you're doing it", Lance looked straight into your eyes, "I'm also growing very fond of you. I really like you, Y/N", he gazed between your lips and your eyes.

"I really like you too, Lance", you whispered, afraid to disturb if you spoke to loud you'd ruin the moment, pushing your face closer to his so you could show him that if he wanted to, you were all in as well.

The Canadian driver took this opportunity to cup your cheek, rubbing his thumb on your clean cheek before he pressed his lips to yours, lips moudling perfectly with one another. Smiling within the kiss, you wetr the first to break it off for air, looking up at him, "seems we're on the same page then".

You spent the rest of the night basking in eachothers affection, feeling brave enough to do so now that you both knew how the other felt and enjoying how it made you feel until Lance had to leave, "tomorrow has an early start for me, so I better get going", he groaned, getting up from the sofa and holding his hand out, making you attach your hand to his. Thinking he was just helping you up, you were surprised when he pushed you up with enough strength to face his, chest to chest so he could kiss your forehead, "C'mon, I want to help you tidy the kitchen before I leave", he smiled, guiding you both to the room in question so you could do so.

Lance had already left with a kiss of goodnight and a promise he would text you when he got gome, leaving you to close the apartment and also get ready for bed. Walking out of the kitchen, you noticed that you had left one of the paper bags on the floor, grabbing it so you could fold it for another time when you heard some wrinkling. Inside, the noise belonged to the receipt of the order, and you grabbed it mindlessly and a little curious. The food was great, you recognised, but the price Lance paid for a middle of the week take away was out of whatever you could have imagined. He insisted he wanted to pay for it all, despite you saying that you should at least pay your half, and now you couldn't help but think how normal and fine it had been for him to just swipe his card and pay for it. Probably like the no big deal that it was for him.

.

Lance was away for a race weekend, and despite the busy schedule, he still found time to videocall you, always looking forward to hearing how your day went and what you had been up to, "we just started on the data collection, and it's going really well. It's not some groundbreaking thing right now, but it's going somewhere, I can feel it", you smiled, "and you? The car seemed good today", you asked him, seeing his smile that went immediately to your stomach, butterflies erupting into a dance.

"Yes, it was incredible! It finally feels like we have a car that can takes us to the podium of the championship, you know? It's a pleasure to drive and the track is awesome!", he beamed, "I just wish you were here with me to experience it all, the city's really cool too", he offered, listing a few activities he had done and places he had seen.

There was another thing that got your mind spinning. As much as you didn't like to admit it, those thoughts had been plaguing your mind for a few days now. If there was some scale to assess it, you're Lance's lifestyle and your own would be pretty far from eachothers. He spent the better part of his year travelling around the world, staying in the most luxurious hotels and enjoying the most incredible experiences. On your end, you were lucky if you got enough time to take some time off and away from all the work. If this was to go further, your schedule and your lifestyle wouldn't allow you to be the partner that travels to nearly all the races or the one that is seen strutting around the paddock in the most lavish outfits. Would that be an obstacle in the relationship you were building with Lance? Should you start backing out now?

"Hey, Y/N?", he called, "is everything okay? I think I lost you there for a bit", he smiled, teasing you even though there was also a slight concern, "are you too tired? I probably shouldn't have called so late, right?", he forwarded. Despite not wanting him to feel guilty about it, you took the opportunity since your mind wasn't settling, "don't feel guilty, Lance. I haven't been sleeping well these past few nights and it's catching up on me", you half lied, "but I think I might have an early night today, see if sleep comes around", you smiled genuinely at the screen as you saw his features soften, "alright, sweetheart. Have a good sleep", he softly said, blowing you a kiss while you did the same, dialing off the call and pressing the phone to your chest.

Would this feeling on your chest ever settle down? Would your mind stop racing about thoughts about why you'd never fit in Lance's life? The worry grew even bigger, considering you were probably not going to fall asleep for a while.

.

Sitting at Lance's dining table after spending the entire afternoon with him, you tried your best to mask the thoughts that had been plaguing you and that you hadn't managed to shut off. But apparently, not with enough skill, "there's something worrying you, I can tell that much", he noted, "is it something I can help you with? Also totally okay if you don't want to talk about it, but I don't like seeing you so stressed", he launched his hand so it would land on top of yours, softly caressing the skin.

"Can I be really honest with you about what has been bothering me?", you asked, already knowing this would be an important conversation and no matter where it ended up going, it needed to happen sooner rather than later, "sure, Y/N, absolutely", he assured, growing a little bit more concerned at your tone.

"I don't fit in this, Lance", you began, gesturing your hands around, "your world is so different than mine in so many ways, I could never fit in it", you gulped, "you were just saying earlier this afternoon that maybe it was time for us to take the next step, and I don't know if I can", you stopped to gather your thoughts.

"It's okay if you're not ready, I'll wait. And I didn't want to pressure you, I'm sorry if it felt like that", Lance was quick to say, an expression of guilt somehow in his features.

"No, it's not because I don't have feelings for you, because they're here, they're very much here!", you chuckled nervously, "I just don't think I fit in your life like it was supposed to be, like it's expected", you mumbled the last part, forcing yourself to look at him. It pained you as well, because the look on his face was also painful. He wasn't expecting you to feel like this, so much so that there was little to ask but "did I do something to make you feel like that?", still not sure if it was what he wanted to ask.

"No, it's just that our worlds are different. You paid the equivalent of my university monthly tuition for a dinner that was lovely, but still! That's how different we are, we don't align", you gestured, "I could never be the partner you need. My schedule could never be the same if you wanted me to be at races, because I can't be travelling here and there every weekend. And I'm not someone who attends galas and fancy dinners", you hiccuped, the pressure on your throat building up. Even though you had this perspective, it didn't mean that your feelings were on the same page as it.

"And don't take this the wrong way. I have loved every moment we've spent together, and everything you've done for me. And I'm not blaminh you. Your parents did everything they could for your best, and that's not a bad thing. Don't think I'm pointing fingers because I'm not, it's a privilege you have and it is no one's business, much less my business either. But I don't have it", you let out a shuddered breath.

Lance was at a loss for words, gathering his thoughts before he said something that might come out the wrong way, "and is that something that is a deal breaker?", he asked, "Isn't it? I'm not the person people like you go after. Take a look at everyone on the paddock. All the wives and girlfriends are the opposite of me. Anyone you're supposed to be seen with, to have some sort of a relationship with, they're not me, they're not what you think whenever you imagine someone who relates to you in some way", you gulped again, the tears now clouding you eyes.

"You see, Y/N, it's because of those things that I know we have something good. I don't give a care about what other people think who I should have a relationship with. I never wanted someone according to whatever standard, much less after I met you", he smiled, "you are a breath of fresh air in my life, and I needed that so blady. You showed me that there's so much more to love. You have listened to me, you've been there for the highs and the lows, you've allowed me inside your life and showed me the force of nature that you are", he tempted your hand, lacing his fingers with yours, "yes, all of those scenarios are frequent in my life, and I understand that I'm not around as much as other partners, but it will be my biggest mistake if I let you go without a fight, without showing you that what we have is too good to go", he urged you to look at him, lowering his head so he could catch your eyes and bring your eyelines up a little.

"You know, I texted you during the breaks between free practices and my mother commented that she finally found out why I was so happy, all because I was smiling at the picture you sent me from the library", he smiled, blush covering his cheeks, "and, while we are on this, I'm not going to pretend that I don't have the money, because I have. And I don't pay for things to show it off, I do it because I can and it allows me to show people that I care about them", he explained, "if I ever made you feel uncomfortable because of it, it wasn't intentional. I don't need big plans to feel good with you. I'm happy just sitting next to you on the sofa while we watch some TV or while you read some books", he shrugged, "I'm not even a fan of those big events myself, so I wouldn't want you to be one.

"All I know is that I think we're good together, and I want this to work so bad. I want to be with you if you'll allow me", he squeezed your hand, "or, at least, allow me to show you that what we have is good and that it is worth fighting for", he finished.

You felt somewhat guilty for how you felt about it, even though you also knew you weren't being unreasonable, "I'm sorry, but it was eating me away and, yeah, I didn't know how to go about it", you gestured between your bodies, seeing Lance open his arms so you could sit in his lap, "it's okay, I'm glad we talked about it and everything is clarified. We can always talk about these things, I'm very happy that we did. Even though I'm a little saddened that you think so low of yourself, Y/N", he flicked your hair behind your ear, "you're so amazing, you don't even know it. Your passion about your work, the way you love other people, the way you care about them. All of your concerns that you're not like the others? It's what makes me love you even more, what makes me want this, us, to be it", he smiled, kissing your nose when he saw your smile, moving to kiss your lips multiple times, "now, I've admitted verbally that I love you two times, and I'm yet to know how this goes", he teased.

Smiling again, you craddled Lance's face in your hands, "In case I wasn't clear, I love you too", you giggled, "Good. That's good. I will make it my mission to make sure you know it everyday, but until then, I will enjoy having my girlfriend in my arms", he mumbled, pulling you closer to him, "it's a good thing we are both homebodies then".

[orphiclovers]

Ya ever think Pre-Scenarios Yoo Joonghyuk went to church / ya think Yoo Joonghyuk has catholic guilt?

You would never get asked questions like this on any other site. Gotta love tumblr. And of COURSE I have thoughts on this that I will ramble on in great detail.

In general, I always try to be careful to not accidentally project my western understanding onto things with a different cultural context. Especially in regards to things like Christianity, since it’s not universal and…idk it would feel inaccurate to ascribe it to characters who wouldn’t realistically encounter it themselves? Not that you can’t, but I personally try not to. That's irrelevant with ORV though, they literally made the biblical Garden of Eden be a place YJH has been shirtless in. So I’m just going to go ahead and assume that all the Christian motifs I find are intentional and fair game lol

I’ll start with your second question: KDJ’s the one with the catholic guilt, not YJH. YJH has something much more sinister going on.

He gets two main monikers in canon - ‘Pilgrim of The Lonely Apocalypse’ and ‘Puppet of The Oldest Dream.’ In ORV your moniker basically reveals what your ‘story’ is all about. These two names are supposed to show what Yoo Joonghyuk represents, and my thoughts there are…

1. Puppet of the Oldest Dream

He’s the incarnation of the all-seeing and all-knowing god that created the world. 

What I’m saying is, he's a Jesus figure, alright? HEAR ME OUT. He is cursed to walk the world and suffer eternally to bring salvation to one man - at the end it's revealed that he willingly chooses to bear this burden (talking about 0th here). It’s that classic scapegoat story, bearing the sins of the world to save everyone else, but he's also choosing to do this, despite knowing it will be awful.

At the end of his regressions, when he breaks free of his chains, stops being a puppet, he finds himself lost and missing their weight. He had a terrible purpose in regression - without it, he's meaningless again.

2. As Pilgrim of the Lonely Apocalypse

He's literally called a ‘pilgrim’ - someone who goes on a journey to find god. Catholic guilt is about thinking you deserve to suffer for some perceived sins, but Yoo Joonghyuk already is in Hell. ‘Hell of Eternity’ specifically, which manifests with the Christian imagery of fire and brimstone. His ‘journey to find God’ takes him through a world of unimaginable pain and cruelty that he has to somehow find meaning in. (Both YJH and SP have different answers on what that meaning is in different points in their life. )

Needless to say, he has A LOT of imagery associated with religion.

On a more personal level, YJH is motivated by this ceaseless search for the meaning of his own existence. There's the extra layer there that he knows instinctively he was put on this earth for some grand reason, only no one ever tells him what it is. He’s cast into the world without memories and has to stumble through life blind, just like the rest of us. He desperately seeks someone who can tell him what he’s supposed to do, parent, god, prophet or anyone else. (Basically, he's an edgy atheist teenager.)

That’s why he never reaches his ‘▪️▪️’ - the cruel thing is that he can’t ever truly find his purpose, because he is driven by having an unreachable goal.

To answer your first question: Pre-scenarios Yoo Joonghyuk is busy trying to survive his shitty job and taking care of Mia. He doesn't have time for church or having a life or anything. All he can do is daydream of one day finding whoever created him and gave him life. He puts all his hopes on getting enough money to hire a private investigator and keeping this single goal in mind for years. 

He will meet his parents and they will tell him what he’s supposed to do right? The really fucked up thing is, he does eventually get there.

The investigators give him an address, which he visits but finds only an empty house. On the way back, he has a little bit of an existential crisis and starts really thinking about it all. even thinks the classic YJH ‘who am I?’ Then, not even one second later, THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE STARTS. THERE’S HIS ANSWER I GUESS!!!!!

[bigfatbimbo]

if she was in the show, do you think eva would be an antagonist or a protagonist?

watch me rant about Eva Jayne because of this !!

For those who don’t know, this is what she looks like, or at least what she would look like in the style of the show. Y’know, to give you a picture.

Anyways, ignore my shitty rendition of hazbins style.

I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL THE PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW WHO EVA IS… Y’KNOW, WHO EVA IS.

Basically, she’s an overlord who died in the mid 1990s and runs the music industry in hell. All of the CDs, records, concerts, and (because of her alliance with Voxtech) spotify, are all thanks to Eva Jayne. Her main weapon, is her guitar, which is not featured in that picture unfortunately.

She owns the souls of many of your favorite musicians, and until she needs them, keeps them in cd cases. However she does pride herself on treating her performers very well when they’re out and about.

Basically I imagine that Eva would be pretty neutral for a large half of the show. I do think she would show support for the hotel, and probably be a reoccurring character in the mains cases lives for a lot of, realistically, the first season, maybe the second.

But I do think that her alliance with the Vees (Voting in particular) would hold her back from actually being apart of the main cast. That, and her relationship with Vox.

However, and you all should take this with a grain of salt, I’ve been toying with her having a deal with Lilith for a long time.

And I was trying to make it work in my head and then I realized; Oh yeah, this is my OC, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Anything goes. So basically, the underlying reason for what i’m about to say, until I figure out how to bullshit more poetically, is simply ‘because it’s cool asf.’

Basically, the idea is that her deal with Lilith was basically ‘In return for a favor, whenever I call upon you, your allowed to go up to the land of the living, for 24 hours, and seek out new musical souls.’

Practically, giving Eva Jayne the power to drag musical artists down to hell whenever she pleases, however, making her in eternal debt to Lilith. Of course, Lilith would call upon her favor when she notices Charlie’s hotel. Basically Eva’s job is to make sure Charlie is safe and her hotel thrives.

So yes, Eva would be technically forced to join the hotel, but honestly, she wouldn’t be fully committed at first. Definitely helping Charlie market, and popping by the hot an annoying amount of times.

But I do think that she sees potential in the hotel, and I could see her fighting for it in the battle in episode 8.

I always, even back in 2020 when I first thought of Eva, saw her and Charlie having a mother-daughter figure type relationship, and I think although it’s not as in character now that we see more of Charlie, it’s still very cute.

Of course, this leads to Eva Jayne and Vox’s already rocky situationship, being put on thin ice. Actually, those two are very interesting to me because they need eachother in a very complex and interesting way.

Basically, the two are very complimentary of eachother, Eva being overall relaxed, doesn’t get angry quickly, very relaxed, painfully honest, while Vox is… well… an emotional manipulative lying bitch. Oh by the way, who’s surrounded by emotional manipulative lying bitches, while Eva, thanks to the hotel, is not,

Eva is Vox’s breath of fresh air, she can calm him down just with her voice and rational thoughts. He needs her, just as much as Eva needs being needed. Now, I meant what I said about Vox in that one post, he doesn’t love like a normal person. Simply put, devoted obsession is what he feels, not love.

Eva Jayne prides herself on her cool headedness and how ‘real’ she is with whoever. Naturally, given his surroundings, this attracts Vox. He does think he loves her, however, Eva has some understanding that he really doesn’t, and keeps him at arms length, which is a thought that probably leads her to embrace the hotel.

Although, I do think they would keep seeing eachother, to be honest. Old habits die hard, what can she say?

Oh my god I do feel like that would have such a not casual, casual relationship. Like more often than not they stay the night at each others places, eat breakfast together, plan the next meetup and fuck. But they aren’t dating.

Y’know, because if there’s one thing Eva doesn’t want, it’s to fall in love with a man who is incapable of loving.

Wow gang! and it’s song by her voice claim too, i’m spoiled! (Oh yeah, btw her voiceclaim is Meg from hercules.)

oh also, totally inspired by @redr0sewrites latest vox post sorry not sorry 4 the bad art.

As for her relationship with the other hotel members, the answer is complicated. I do think she’d have a good one with Charlie, but once again her relationship with Voxtek would put her on thin ice.

I think all the other hotel members would open up to her shortly because she’s charming (she’s in show biz, she really has to be. Also in a lot of business situations, her charisma makes up for her blunt honesty.) But Angel would take the longest to trust her and you could probably see why.

If she was actually in the show, I could see there being an episode about that. That’s fun to think about, lmfao.

also dropping this here because, for some reason, I have a VERY clear imagine in my head if there being a fillar episode about Eva Jayne becoming a little league baseball coach for child demons.

Like I cannot stress this enough, she would get roped into being a little league coach somehow and get way too fucking invested. If Vox is a soccer mom then Eva Jayne is a baseball dad.

ALSO!!! I can’t have an Eva Jayne post without mentioning how she’s bitter ex wives with Mimzy. But they literally HAVE to put up with eachother, because Eva Jayne is Mimzys producer, and Mimzy is Eva Jaynes most favored performer.

Honestly, that marriage lowkey broke Eva’s heart, and she’s under the impression that Mimzy is totally unbothered (That’s not the case, and now they both hate eachother.)

I should also probably mention that one of the only topics that actually gets Eva upset, is literally just Valentino. Like she hates him so much hand has every reason too. She’s seen first hand him and Vox’s relationship, not a fan.

Also, very much dislikes how he treats his workers. As she’s also in the entertainment business, and as I mentioned before, prides herself on treating her employees well when she needs them.

But, of course other things get her mad too. In this rare scenario, she literally just gets violent. She’s old school, she uses her fists and claws and really gets into it.

As for overlord powers, I could see her doing cool shit with her guitar. Like fighting someone by plucking notes on her instrument that shoot straight through them. Also, toying with the idea of being ‘in the zone’ while playing guitar. Basically getting ‘lost in the music’ and heightening whatever the fuck she can do.

But as for overlords in a raw power sense, she’s okay. Not impressive, definitely not Alastor or Vox, but mainly because without her guitar, she’s pretty powerless.

Well, like I said she knows how to use her fists, but you’ve seen the other shit these overlords do. She needs that guitar.

Anyways I’m gonna end it here after that long ass Eva Jayne post because, most likely, no one fucking cares!

…oh yeah, anyways. Also I have no clue if ANY of that is coherent because I didn’t double check it.

[daily-hanamura]

I kind of wished that the persona 4 cast wasn’t stuck in a narrative where the main theme is ‘always accept the role thrust upon you and if you don’t like it, just force yourself to like it’. Yukiko actively wants to leave Inaba and create her own life, but is portrayed negatively when doing so, with her character arc involving her accepting the role thrust upon her. Don’t get me started on Naoto. I know you’re the Yosuke guy, and was wondering what are your thoughts on this when applied to Yosuke?

I want you to know that being called "the Yosuke guy" is now my greatest achievement you've made my day everyday for the last week

I do agree with you, and I think it was one of my initial issues with P4 where, for a game whose entire narrative is about being true to yourself, it sure falls back into that tired sense of social conformation a lot. It's grating, right, because it feels like what they really mean to say is "be yourself! but not too much and not in a way that makes other people unhappy and make sure you're still living up to other peoples expectations because that's the real reason why you're unhappy with yourself, you haven't accepted who we want you to be (which is the real you that we've decided) etcetc" and it just undercuts the emotional impact of their self-acceptance (see also kanji and rise). (dw I know P5 also kind of has the same problem, and I can go into a whole thing about the limits of transformative narratives written by capitalist corporations but i wont. today-)

I think with Yosuke though, it's really interesting because his character arc is more so tied to his relationship with Inaba as a place, rather than his fundamental self-perceptions. It's established early on that Yosuke hated the town for various reasons; he's a city boy who wants excitement and connection, but most of the town hates him so he's shit out of luck and it gives him little reason to like the town back. As the game progresses, he starts to like the town -- "it's not about where you are, but who you're with", so it's his friendships (and having people who accept him for who he is) that makes the place meaningful for him. And, at the end of the day, Yosuke did get what he wanted - excitement and connection.

But he's not tied to Inaba.

In P4AU, it's revealed that Yosuke's struggling to figure out what he wants to do in life, but by the end of it he tells Yu that he wants to leave the town and go to college with Yu in the city, and that he wants to see the world and experience more things for himself. It fascinates me because it very strongly implies that Yosuke's arc isn't complete as we're very expressly told that he's still developing. It stands in contrast to the other characters who have effectively been fixed into some role or position (Yukiko as an inn manager, Rise as an idol), and unlike them, Yosuke hasn't been permanently relegated to the things that he starts off hating. He hasn't been written to stay in Inaba or even to continue working at Junes after graduation, instead he gets the opportunity to try things. imo this makes his arc more situational (and therefore layered) - Yosuke's perspective on his circumstance matures, but who he is as a person doesn't have to change, and he's not forced to make a trade-off with the wishes he had at the start.

This might be because Yosuke is Atlus' favourite character of the contrast between Yosuke's city background and the rest of the Inaba folk. There's a guy in the school who talks about how most people who finish high school in Inaba just go on to get jobs, and very few actually leave for college and beyond. It's something deeply realistic and reflective of human geography IRL, because that's very common in small communities. A fear of the outside world because of how isolated they are (and Inaba kind of is - remember how Yosuke said they barely had cell connectivity up until recently) means they tend to look inwards instead of out, so there isn't as strong an awareness of what else there is out there and a belief that your options are basically just that (it also makes it all the more impressive that they have surprisingly well-traveled teachers). Yosuke, on the other hand, is very much connected to the internet and the outside world, and he also tends to think about the things that he's missing out on more tangibly.

It makes for a very interesting parallel with Yukiko, who had grown up in Inaba all her life and also expresses that same interest in wanting to go out and see the world. Yukiko's idea about the kind of options that she has is weirdly limited for someone who is supposed to be at the top of her class. When you meet her at the bookstore, she talks about getting a job license so she could leave town, and her first thought was interior decorator (do you even need a license for that? it's not a chartered profession unlike an architect or interior designer, but things might work differently in japan). And maybe she does have a genuine interest in it so I'm talking shit, but it also feels like it's a job that she's aware of only because of the ryokan. As far as I could tell, we don't actually see her express any interest in, say, furniture themes or colour swatches and fabric textures in the way Kanji very clearly does. Her world view, like everyone else, is bounded by the reach of her experience, but because Inaba is so small and cloistered it impedes her ability to imagine beyond that. Even when she's thinking of leaving, her options are still limited to her experiences at the inn. I'm still really salty about how she decided to stay at the ryokan in the end, because something much more satisfying in my opinion would have been for her to get the opportunity to try different things elsewhere in the world, and if she decided that the ryokan was the right thing for her, then, well, fine, I guess? Or some cliche like exploring other inns elsewhere so she could bring that knowledge home. Especially since she had the support of her family and the inn staff, it makes her narrative feel more like an acceptance of her lot in life, rather than a genuine realisation that yeah, this was what she wanted, which was what the game wanted us to think, except it's not convincing. Instead, it just feels like a weird stagnation because her initial wish of wanting to see the world beyond the ryokan was not satisfied.

But hey, guess who does!

Yosuke gets to learn how to make the best of a situation, but ultimately, he's not beholden to it. He - and his writers - understand that he's not done growing, so he doesn't fix himself to a role that he doesn't like. AND IT'S GOOD. I just wish everyone else got that opportunity.

[respectthepetty]

Well well well well!

I have seen you being asked about your fav TW BL dramas. but I’m here to ask about…… your top 10 (or however many you want tbh) BL thai dramas!

Teeheeheeee!!

Ps: can someone else pop up and then ask you too Korean BL dramas? *wink*

Anon, I think YOU will have to come back and ask about my top Korean dramas because after people see this list, they will realize how trashy I truly am and never seek a response from me again. I've already written about my Top GMMTV Actors, my Top GMMTV Pairs, and my Top Five Taiwanese BLs, but this requested list will really show people that I am a dumpster fire, so let me present my

Top Ten Thai BLs

Before I start, I need to list my personal preferences since I have watched over 150 Thai BLs (if not 200), with a third coming from within the past year and a half alone. A show must meet at least two:

Don't bury the gay (MANDATORY!)

Be gay. Do crime! aka "Eff the police" (literally or figuratively)

I'm a messy bi, and I'll cry if I want to

Adulting is hard like my sexual attraction for you

Vice Vers(a) - Flipping the norms and changing dynamics

Next, I need to establish some ground rules:

The series must have completed prior to June 1, so Step by Step, Be My Favorite, La Pluie and other running shows cannot be considered.

It had to be marketed as a BL, so 3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, and Great Men Academy cannot be considered.

I could only pick a pair once, so most of GMMTV shows couldn't be considered if I picked another show the pair was featured in.

It couldn't have hurt my queer feelings, so My Only 12%, Until We Meet Again, I Told Sunset about You, and 180 Degree Longitude Passes through Us were cut for rubbing salt in real-world wounds.

A third of the final list had to be BL shows that aired prior to 2022.

Narrowing it down with those two filters, here are a dozen shows that didn't make the cut with a brief reasoning:

The Eclipse - pair already picked

Triage - the gay died each time the clock reset

Ghost Host, Ghost House - not within my personal preferences

Never Let Me Go - aired in 2022. Sorry Jojo!

My School President - pair already picked

Secret Crush on You - aired in 2022

Bad Buddy - it knows what it did to me

Together with Me - pair already picked

Lovely Writer - not within my personal preferences

A Tale of Thousand Stars - pair already picked

Between Us - it knows what it did to me

My Ride - not within my personal preferences

One more thing before I give you the list -

Honorable Mentions

To Sir, With Love

I was raised on soap operas and telenovelas, so this lakorn was seventeen episodes of blissful drama, yet served one of the best pairings and family members of 2022. It was also a historical drama, so the ending being happy was unexpected, but much appreciated.

Destiny Seeker

All the shows on my list have color coding, but this show wins every color-coding award I can give. As a self-proclaimed color demon, this show fed my soul and my heart with its color exchange between two great characters who were just trying to unify the Pretty Boys and the Jocks in a tale as old as time, yet more colorful than ever.

Now, the actual list

Top Ten Thai BLs

#10 - Dark Blue Kiss

Pete and Kao went from a bit toxic in This Kiss series, to a solid couple trying to navigate the difficult situation of having one person in a relationship still in the closet. The reason was realistic as well - career. Kao coming out could have not only hurt his future, but his mother's job as well, and the socioeconomic difference between Pete and Kao was front and center during these discussions. Mix all of that with the addition of Sun and Mork and their dynamic of light enemies to lovers, and this ended up being a surprise favorite. It also had beautiful cinematography at a period when the production value of BLs was being elevated which is greatly due to director/screenwriter Aof and cinematographer Rath.

#9 - Big Dragon

If someone would have told me during the first episode that I would like love this show as much as I did by the end, I would not have believed it, but here I am, in love with this show. It started off with two idiots being at their peak toxic level, yet ended with the softest men in love. The cinematography was beautiful, Mangkorn and Yai had a natural chemistry when teasing each other, and the music was good, so good that I actually listened to the lead sing his love confession…twice! Mos and ISBANKY made me excited to see what else Star Hunter has in store, and that was a door I had closed long ago. Big Dragon 2 when?

#8 - Bed Friend

Much like Big Dragon, I showed up for a raunchy series about fuck buddies, but ended up witnessing two men work through trauma and showed that with support, healing is possible. King was the biggest green flag that has ever graced my screen, and the way Net's big brown eyes portray lust, love, and devotion is a skill that only matches James' embodiment of a sex kitten. I watched them in Catch Me Baby, but Bed Friend brought an entire new level of chemistry from them that balanced the heavier aspects of the show in a way that any other pair would have squandered. Because of NetJames, this show will remain in my tops for years to come, and makes me even more excited for Love Upon a Time.

#7 - You're My Sky

We, collectively, did this show dirty. As BL fans, we did not appreciate it enough, and still don't. Because it came out in 2022, a year stacked with excellent BLs, it was pushed to the sidelines when it should have been at everyone's top for any number of reasons like the pairings were solid (childhood friends, senior/freshman, pseudo-enemies to lovers), the plot was consistent, and the cinematography was beautiful. We have a few sports-related BLs which do a great job of discussing the connection between toxic masculinity and male-dominated sports, and although this series didn't lean all the way in, it gave us a glimpse of what men must sacrifice in order to be considered the best in such an environment, especially when it comes to love.

#6 - Not Me

Every character is shippable with every other character. That is the power of this series. Yet, because I’m petty, I’m still holding a grudge not about GramBlack (Eugene/Gene, really?!) BUT that ToddBlack did not happen! In a show that was queer in several aspects (marriage equality, society’s disapproval, found family, etc.), it was strange that it didn’t deliver on the Black front examining how power dynamics, socioeconomic inequality in regards to privilege, and performance of masculinity affect queer experiences (all possessed by the ToddBlack pairing), but what it did deliver was a great premise about fighting back against oppression (labor discrimination, educational gaps, monopolies), which is why even though the ending was shaky, it still deserves a top spot for existing.

#5 - KinnPorsche

As much as I wrote about this show, I’m shocked it isn’t #1, but sitting through the final episode’s credits believing what I believed about Vegas left me feeling a certain type of way that I’m still not over. It had all the elements I love: Be gay, do crime, messy tears, vice vers(a), and the cinematography was perfection. Symbolism and foreshadowing were intertwined into every scene, so watching each episode was an experience and the aftermath was devouring hours of meta analysis. This was the first series I was excited to watch live unmuted and at normal speed, and I liked each pairing, plus rooted for others who were never going to happen (Big & Chan, Khun & everyone), which made this a fun journey even after the final credits finished (World Tour, anyone?!).

#4 - Love Mechanics

I LOVE MESS, and this show gave me ten glorious messy episodes of the messiest mess. Much like the chokeholds VeeMark excelled out, this show had me by the throat (implication intended). I was shocked when it was announced En of Love: Love Mechanics would be remade and extended from four episodes into ten. I liked the original, but the basic plot (drunkenly having sex right at the beginning – how very Together with Me of them) did not sit well with me the first time around, yet once I saw the remake’s trailer, I WAS SOLD! Look at the angst! Look at the pining! Look at the chemistry! Look at the same steps and dorm from Together with Me! I could write forever about this show because it is better than the original, it was so similar to Together with Me that I had to squint to make sure it wasn’t, and the happy ending with Mark’s tears, although never doubted, feels like a personal win, which is why it was my number one of 2022.

#3 - Manner of Death

MaxTul own me. Every couple I watch gets compared to MaxTul and the chemistry they bring. Together With Me is a favorite, but when Manner of Death aired, it spotlighted the evolution of MaxTul in the most beautiful way imaginable. The dark plot of drug and sex trafficking was difficult for most, but both of these characters' commitment to finding the truth in their own way while taking on the ACAB attitude even towards the one police officer they did like was a buffet that just kept serving me. I was truly worried because of the nature of the show that a happy ending wouldn't be possible, but not only did the show end with vows being exchanged, but the promise of another season as well. TRANSPLANT WHEN?!

#2 - Moonlight Chicken

This was an adult show and toes the line of being truly queer media rather than a standard BL. I felt seen every time Jim sat silently examining his life and his choices. His hesitation to open his heart again to another person after being hurt in such a realistically queer way in a country that doesn't have marriage equality almost made me cut this show due to hurting my queer feelings. However, if I was willing to give up three pairs (FirstKhao -The Eclipse, GeminiFourth - My School President, and EarthMix - A Tale of Thousand Stars) for this one show, I knew it had to included. Aof working around the grief of losing a parent while examining gentrification and generational trauma all through a queer lens is a feat most would fail at, but this show shines, literally and figuratively thanks once again to cinematographer Rath.

#1 - He's Coming to Me

I must end where I began - Aof, the director and screenwriter, changed the Thai BL game with this one, and hasn't slowed down since, which is why two of his other pieces are in my top ten, and several others are featured in my short list. Cinematographer Rath has also made his mark on this list, and it all started with this one for me. No other BL series has stuck with me the way He's Coming to Me has. Not one element of this show doesn't work. It's cohesive. It's emotional. It's everything to me. I cannot give this show enough praise. It created a unique magic in eight episodes that hasn't left my heart for four years.

And probably never will.

Now, who wants to ask about Korea?

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

Another Starlo rant + there's some stuff to clarify

this is my reply to the latest post from @a-legacy-not-to-be-forgotten bc i feel like he mainly had me in mind when he wrote it, which I don't mind, really. After all, we're both apologists of different characters and i DO respect your opinion. Just wanted to throw my two cents in and clarify some stuff (please read till the end)

Exhibit A (having Moray walk around with a snake in their boot and giving them rashes): I always thought this was some kind of job policy, all bc Star's so ambitious and expected his (future) employees to be the same. He wanted everyone to prove they were "real" cowboys. That's also why everyone had lassons for 8 weeks and he had that kangaroo locked in a cell for sneaking a phone in (although it IS hypocritical that Star himself is allowed to own a TV).

Star expects a lot from everyone because he himself gives it his all to make this town as realistic as possible and makes everybody behave like real cowboys (and imo he thought Moray was fine with having a snake in their boot for a week since they probably didn't complain. Star most likely didn't even know the snake gave them rashes/apologized if Moray had told him this). Honestly he's too obsessed and passionate and can be too much without realizing it, that I can't deny

Exhibit B (The Boulder Droppers): No matter how severe (It IS severe), I still see this as super careless (and super forgetful of Starlo), rather than reckless. Again, another instance where he screws up but there's no ill intent. Also he apologized for this to Gilbert

Exhibit C (blaming Clover for everything that happened and shooting them over it): TRUE 100%

...now, Ceroba was doing her best to understand Starlo and he needed her to get back on the right track, but I still think she views him more as a manchild than someone worthy of respect. I don't hate Ceroba or see her as a heartless bitch and a terrible friend (there's that post of mine where I explained everyone's flaws, and it turns out Starlo is the most flawed of them all, which I admitted). I just think her and Star aren't on the same wavelength.

She WAS on the same wavelength as Chujin and that's why I ship them. Ceroba deeply admired him (still does) and honesty she has the right to love whoever she wants. Still, I can't get out of my head how she thought that her wanting to date Starlo in the past must have had to do with the fact "her brain was still developing," or how she lied to him about the sheriff stuff just to spare his feelings. I get the intentions but she should have told him how she really felt (based on her many annoyed faces I got the message Roba never liked any of this + she says she doesn't understand it). I genuinely saw it as her babysitting/pitying him for his childish fantasies instead of actually enjoying participating in the antics (she does like observing the five tho)

And yeah, everyone (Ed, Ace, Mooch, Moray, Ceroba) knew Starlo ADORED westerns, obviously, but what they DIDN'T know or try to figure out is the deeper meaning as to WHY. I feel like everybody thought it was simply a childish fantasy and didn't stem from any deeper insecurities (the FF, just like Starlo, aren't very good with communicating their feelings; why else would they criticise Starlo right in the middle of town where everyone could hear them instead of going someplace private to have the talk)

HOWEVER!

List of Starlo's character flaws I believe he has: insecure, overly enthusiastic, careless (not reckless bc he doesn't intent to cause chaos), cocky, too obsessed with his status & social image, arrogant, mischievous (particularly with Blackjack), childish, needs too much external validation, uses escapism too much, people pleaser, wants to be everyone's "hero," ignorant, naive, too optimistic, overbearing, too ambitious, stubborn, emotional & sensitive to criticism, too obsessed to the point he ignores everyone and everything else, actually IS selfish (I wanna take this opportunity to correct myself. Starlo should have listened to his posse and not have snapped like that & dismissed what they had to say, but they should have also let him know how they felt way earlier and tried to understand Star's pov & deeper insecurities he has & should have not publicly lectured him since they SHOULD know how much he wants to protect the reputation he worked hard to earn. Everyone should have reacted differently)

We don't know what Starlo was like before Clover but based on the way none of his posse ever talked smack about him, gave him dirty looks, or overall acted like they didn't wanna be part of the team, I assumed they either didn't mind his enthusiasm before he got obsessed with Clover, or kept their frustrations with his passion hidden well and didn't choose to communicate at all with him about how they really feel.

As for Star himself, I just don't see him as having been a bad boss. Ed even said how he would always ask him nicely to do stuff, and Dina explains how the only arguments the five of them had were about trivial matters, and how things were pretty predictable before Clover. So I don't think he had made any huge fuck ups. The five were always together in all their shenanigans (Dina says they're like siblings) and Ceroba mentions how she hasn't seen Star "this ecstatic in some time". Which is why I think he didn't step outta line or mistreat others before his dream of meeting a human came true.

HOWEVER #2!

I just remembered a single line of dialogue from Ed, which suggests that Star might have been more bossy than I thought and didn't actually ever ask his posse about their opinions. If this is the case, and probably is because Ceroba says he had changed a lot, scratch that stuff I said before about him not being a bad boss

He acts selfish because he's insecure, but I still shouldn't have used that as an excuse. It's interesting how he's got both selfishness and selflessness inside him at the same time, but yeah, bc of his undeniable charm I overlooked the selfishness part. guilty as charged

time to add that and his bossiness as another one of star's many flaws

Another thing: while all of Ceroba's flaws seem to come from the tragedy that had struck her (besides being stubborn), every single one of Starlo's flaws stem from him and how he feels about himself. He had a normal family, a best friend, and his own friend group, with whom he could discuss his nerdy interests. I think THIS is what makes him so loveable. He techincally doesn't have a real REASON to feel unhappy, but he did, before he became 'North Star' But that persona was exactly WHAT he needed to let go of to be himself and be truly happy

I once jokingly mentioned how Starlo's name could mean "Star + loser" and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense for his arc. He wants to be 'North Star' (all cool and badass and important), but in reality, the real him is just a nice guy who loves his friends. And even if that doesn't make him popular and a loser farmer instead, at least that is the real him who he shouldn't have been running away from

I do love when my fave character ain't perfect and has inner conflicts to work on

To conclude this rant, I want to apologize to the Four and Ceroba for not taking into consideration their pov more and being way too obsessed with this charming nerd

also, @a-legacy-not-to-be-forgotten, your rant gave me much to rethink and for that I thank you

[positivexcellence]

‘Walker’s Jared Padalecki Shares a Look at What’s to Come in Season 4

Collider: You’re four seasons into this TV series now, which isn’t the 15 seasons that Supernatural was on the air, but it’s a very respectable amount of time.

JARED PADALECKI: Thank you so much. Hopefully, we’ll have 40 more. But Season 4 is certainly bizarre and amazing and incredible, and I’m grateful and flattered and love the journey these characters have gone through.

What are you loving about Season 4 and about the Cordell Walker of Season 4? What are you most enjoying about this point of the journey?

PADALECKI: With Supernatural, we would flip between maybe the big bad guy and then the problems at home or with the brothers. But in the case of Walker, we will go from big bad guy to family stuff to bad guy of the week to family stuff. Just like life is, it gets big sometimes and it gets small sometimes, but there’s always some issue. And so, what I love about Season 4 is having a serial killer out there that is from our past and that haunted us back then and is sure to haunt us again this season, as The Jackal does, and also, there’s so much drama at home. Cordell has a daughter who’s a freshman in college and a son who’s a senior in high school. Mom and dad are trying to figure out what to do. His brother is trying to figure out what to do. It’s just that feeling that we all get, as humans and as adults, where it feels like, “Can’t just one part of my life calm down?” And sure as hell, it never does.

It feels like this show was originally brought back to television because there was a real hole in this type of programming at that time, and I’m glad the series is still on because it still feels like it’s really needed in that space.

PADALECKI: Agreed. What’s funny is that I grew up in Texas. I grew up in San Antonio. I’ve lived in Austin for 15 years. I grew up watching Walker, Texas Ranger with Sir Chuck Norris, himself, so that was a part of my childhood. For those who’ve seen the original and seen ours, this is obviously a very different show. I’m certainly a fan of action movies and action shows and action books and action stories, but I found myself, after 15 years on Supernatural, which was very much based in family as well, wanting something that anybody of any age could watch. I wanted something that wasn’t just about cutting off vampires’ heads, or killing God or the devil and everything in between, but was more like, “How can we make this as realistic as possible to what’s going on right now, and what has gone on in the past, and what is sure to go on in the future?” The commentary is oftentimes about how people have seen the original and love the re-imagining that we Walker put together. But more often than not, I love that I’ve had parents come up to me and talk about how Walker, though the situation is different because he’s a widower, is going through life and trying to figure out his kids while they’re changing, and he has to go to work because he has a job. There’s something universal about that struggle and that experience that seems to have really communicated and landed with people, no matter what their job is and what their family situation is.

Is it challenging to make this series with a shortened episode count, or does it feel like you can really just pack more into every episode?

PADALECKI: I get both. There’s a quote I heard one time about actors and writers and directors and producers and whatnot, and they used it in the form of an actor. They said, “If you give an actor three years to prepare, it’ll take three years. If you give him three months to prepare, it’ll take three months. If you give him three days, it’ll take three days. If you give him three minutes, it’ll take three minutes.” It’s one of those things where life imitates art. We’ve found such wonderful stuff, and kudos to our great writing team for making it possible, but it feels very like life. It feels very much like Cordell’s life would be. You find out sooner than you would’ve hoped, “Hey, this is coming up,” or “You’ve gotta do this or that.” While it’s certainly been different, if you could give me 30 days to do an episode, it’ll have its challenges. If you give me one day to do an episode, it’ll have its challenges. I think that goes from top to bottom, cast and crew alike. We’ve had a great time. Because of cross-boarding some episodes, we might be doing episodes one and two, and even if a character is only in episode two, since we will shoot two together, I still get to catch up with that human being during the filming, which is wonderful.

You’re kicking off this season with a lot of storylines happening for these characters. He’s stepped up his romance, his daughter is not coping well with things, and there’s a serial killer. I love that there’s really this balance where you have the romance and there are some good things on the horizon for the family, but then there’s also the dark and deadly aspect of a serial killer. What sort of balance will we see this season between the light and the dark? Will we get to a point where things get more dark and more intense, as things play out with The Jackal?

PADALECKI: You certainly will. Given what happened with the strikes, over the last 12 months, it didn’t make sense to do a direct pickup after Season 3. So much time has passed between the end of Season 3 and when Season 4 will air that it just didn’t make a lot of sense for our viewers and our lovely and wonderful loyal watchers. Kale [Culley] just turned 18 in May, and he’s almost my size now. If we picked up Season 4, episode one, directly after Season 3, the final episode, it wouldn’t make sense. You’d be like, “Oh, I guess August grew four inches overnight.” Our writers were very aware of that and tried to make every bit of that as real and human as possible. We certainly do see, as characters and as viewers, how this Jackal that haunted Captain James and Ranger Walker back in the day, five years ago, still has a stranglehold on them, and just how deep and dark they go while trying to keep all the other plates spinning in the other aspects of their lives.

It’s certainly never great to keep secrets from people you care about, especially when they’re big secrets. And on a TV series, those secrets are bound to come out, and likely at the worst possible time.

PADALECKI: Yep, that’s what our sadistic writers try to do. Teasing, teasing, teasing. No, they do it in such a wonderful way. Going back to before even the pilot, one of the things that Anna Fricke and I talked about before we’d even staffed the room and cast the characters and hired the crew was that we want this to be as real as possible. Although in a different arena, with Walker being a Texas Ranger and a widow, we want this to have universal problems and issues that every person goes through on different scales as they navigate this life.

Jensen Ackles directed an episode of the series. Do you think he’ll do that again?

PADALECKI: I sure hope so. Now and always, I will work with Jensen, wherever, whenever. He’s obviously a busy man. He’s got a wife and three kids of his own. He’s here, there, and everywhere. He’s been in Toronto, he’s been in Vancouver, and he’s been in New Mexico. He’s a very busy guy. He and I see each other a lot, obviously, with Supernatural conventions, and we text often. He certainly is up for it. It’s just like life and like Cordell Walker, trying to figure out when things will work out.

Do you see yourself directing an episode?

PADALECKI: Not to speak for Jensen, but to try to speak for Jensen, directing is something that he was always really passionate about, and producing is something that I was always really passionate about. I have a deep respect for directors, and the door is not closed. If the opportunity arises and I think, “Man, I really wanna direct,” then I will. But over 24 years in the industry, I’ve worked with so many talented directors who deserve the episode more than I do. Obviously, as the executive producer and the guy in the poster, I could probably make a phone call and say, “Hey, I want an episode,” and they might say, “Okay, you get one.” That’s not what Jensen did.

From day one, he was like, “Hey, I wanna direct some day.” That’s not where I was. And so, I don’t wanna take an episode away from a really deserving, talented director. I really love my job as an actor and as a storyteller, and as an executive producer, I help guide the storyline and help in the casting and help with the editing. So, I’m a pretty happy cat right now, where I stand. I love that puzzle. The director puts the puzzle pieces together. I like getting the puzzle pieces and figuring out how they can work even better. I think a lot of artists go, “Hey, I wanna guide this.” For me, I love the puzzle of acting and scene breakdown and story breakdown, and just trying to figure out how to make what’s already great on the page and great on the set, even better if I can.

You and Jensen Ackles have both talked about having interest in a possible revival of Supernatural. Is that something you’ve seriously considered doing? Have you had any real conversations about that, or are you just having conversations about having conversations?

PADALECKI: It’s not that I have seriously considered doing it, my single answer is yes. It’s timing. It’s availability. Jensen and I feel so strongly about our show that we had for 15 years together that we don’t wanna just do it just to do it. We don’t wanna go, “Hey, I have two weeks off in June. Let’s go ahead and shoot 10 pages a day, just so we can have some more content.” If and when Supernatural comes back, it’s going to be a labor of love, and we’re gonna put every hour in to make sure that it’s as true to the cannon and to the fandom and to the story and to the characters as possible. So, my short answer is it’s not a consideration, the answer is yes. I just don’t know when I’m available. I don’t know when he’s available. But again, my answer is yes.

Have you thought about all the different possibilities of what it could be, as far as whether you’d do a shortened season, whether you’d want to do a movie, or if none of it works, whether you’d do an animated series?

PADALECKI: Yeah. Honest to God, I don’t think about the medium in which it would air. I think about the story that I care about. If Jensen and I talk about where we would like to see Sam and Dean appear on screens again, and we think, “Cool, we like this, and we like this arc, and we like this conclusion,” then let’s do it. If they make it into a movie, great. If they make it into a limited series, great. If they make it into a flip book that’s available on Amazon, great. But at this point in time, I feel so protective of Supernatural that if the story’s fine, then I don’t care how it gets into the world.

Eric Kripke has also always made it known that he’d love to have you on The Boys anytime you were available. Would you like to make an appearance over there? Have you actually spoken to him about that? Would you even want to be in that world?

PADALECKI: Yeah, he has reached out to me and my response to him 90% of the time is, “Dude, I’m 41 now with three kids. I’m not 25 and working out three hours a day. I know you’re going to fucking make me get naked, so give me a heads up. I’m in, but let me get a nutritionist and a trainer and get in the hyperbaric chamber for eight months before you make me show up.” But yeah, it would obviously be a lot of fun to see Kripke again and to work on that show, which is a great show that I’m a fan of.

It certainly seems like a little wild break of fun.

PADALECKI: A little wild? Have you seen the show?!

Yes, and I love it very much. But I also have a sick sense of humor.

PADALECKI: I do, too. I love watching it, but imagine putting yourself in it. I’ve got kids. My mom and dad are still alive. I’ve got grandparents that are alive. I don’t know how to just unplug their electricity when the show airs.

collider

[heavencasteel420]

Okay. I’m gonna be a hater.

I’m not against St4ncy because of the association between their first time and Barb dying. If they were good together and she really wanted to be with him, then I wouldn’t be rooting for her survivor’s guilt to keep that from happening.

I’m also not against St4ncy because of the S1 graffiti, per se. From a writing perspective, I think the show over-egged the pudding by making both Jonathan and Steve do such shitty things to Nancy in S1. I believe the creators were mainly trying to make certain things happen plot-wise (there needs to be a photo of the demogorgon, the teen confrontation needs to be immediate and public so Jonathan and Nancy can end up at the police station) and trying to foreshadow Steve’s heel-face turn by making his objections to the photos more reasonable, and they did a clumsy job of it. And I think it’s basically fine for the creators, having realized that this was all too much, to quietly drop it. Such is the nature of multi-season TV. Realistically, it’s wild that Steve and Nancy would get back together a mere month after all of that, but, unless a shipper actually says stuff like “it’s not that bad that he would do that, because he was understandably upset” or “it was just vandalism,” I’m not going to assume that they’re chill with the graffiti.

That being said, the whole “Steve’s feelings were hurt because he thought he was being cheated on and he’s young and it was all Tommy’s fault anyway and he apologized” vs. “Jonathan had no motivations other than intrinsic badness and his youth is not a factor and his apology doesn’t count and his terrible home life is not only not an excuse but a justification for Steve’s tenuously connected shitty actions” thing has soured me on large swathes of Steve fans across the board. I’ve seen too much of the so-called real-life justice system to find this attitude anything other than disturbing. But this isn’t exclusively a St4ncy shipper problem. If anything, they at least usually like Nancy enough not to act like she’s somehow at fault for the photos because she forgave Jonathan later (???) or put her “cheating” on Steve on the same level as the guys’ worst S1 behavior.

My main reasons for disliking the ship (in an exclusive endgame kind of way; I’m cool with Stoncy most of the time and I think they canonically had some good times together) are way more subjective. The first reason is that Jonathan is my favorite and St4ncy shippers invariably don’t like or get him. This is predictable, although not inevitable; Jancy shippers don’t dislike Steve so uniformly, for example. So obviously that’s not gonna work out.

The second reason is that I just don’t find the things people like about their relationship very romantic or desirable. He’s protective of her, but that mainly seems to involve trying to keep her from doing things she believes she has to do or retaliating against others in ways she finds distasteful. There’s not a lot of awareness of her perspective. He wants to be with her “no matter what,” with no consideration for the obstacles, but those obstacles seem to include “what she wants” and “what they are both like as people.” I’d get it more if he was like “I don’t know what the future will bring, but I’d like to give this a chance in the short term” or “listen, I can figure out what to do with my life in Boston as well as anywhere else,” but instead he just does not seem to know her at all or be thinking about what they would do as a couple in the immediate future. After a point, that’s just being in love with the idea of being in love.

Also—and I am not trying to be catty here—I think it’s kind of silly to compare his romantic dreams with Jonathan having reservations due to trauma, poverty, and family obligations. That’s not so much a testament to Steve loving her more as it is an indication that he is relatively unburdened by material concerns. He may be broke, but he’s not dealing with entrenched multi-generational poverty. I’m not saying these things to suggest that Nancy would be wrong to break up with Jonathan—sometimes love isn’t enough—or that Steve is less deserving of love because his life is easier, but I am saying that Steve was kinda born on third base here.

I am not convinced that Steve would do “anything” for Nancy! Nor do I think that he should! That is not a good or sexy dynamic in an equal romantic partnership to me! They should both have other principles and goals of their own! (Also. Is the guy who wouldn’t revise his college essay in S2 really gonna move to Boston for her? I think he’s changed, sure, but not in that particular way.)

[nanowrimo]

Unlocking the 8 Secrets of Web Novels

If you’re looking to try something new this Camp NaNoWriMo, why not a web novel? Participant Eitan Estheim talks about what a web novel is and how to get started on your episodic writing adventure! The act of writing has been with us for a long time, but that doesn't prevent us from learning different ways to approach it, especially when we take advantage of the new technologies that are emerging.

Web novels (and their variants) are original stories that are published on the internet in chapters, instead of offering the finished product from the beginning. They resemble self-publishing because the author takes care of the entire process (writing, editing, publishing, promotion), and fanfiction because they maintain close contact with the readers.

Generally, authors usually offer their content for free on the internet. However, some authors will publish in advance on Patreon to offer incentives and get monthly paid subscriptions as if it were the Netflix of books.

I've been doing this for a while now and, although I don't have the impact of other writers, that hasn't stopped me from learning a lot in the process. With this in mind, I'm going to tell you what I’ve learned, both on my own and thanks to others.

1. Choose where to publish your web novel. Nowadays, there are several platforms such as Wattpad, Royal Road, Tapas or Kindle Vella, among many others. Some are more suitable for romance and contemporary stories, while others highlight fantasy or litRPG. Keep this in mind before deciding where you want to start.

2. Be prepared. Unlike other ways of publishing a book, a web series requires regular updates. This means you need to create content frequently. As a result, many authors choose to have several weeks of chapters prepared. This ensures they can continue publishing while writing the next chapters, along with all the additional tasks that this entails.

3. Be realistic with your time. Referring to the previous point, we need to take a moment to consider everything we must do: write new content, make sure it's in good condition for publication (editing), promote on social media, etc. Many of us have jobs and responsibilities, so we must be aware of how much we can accomplish each day.

4. Every story is unique. What works for one author may not work the same for another. Some decide to publish short chapters from Monday to Friday, while others prefer to do it once or twice a week. Consider your situation and learn as you go to figure out what works best for you.

5. Take care of yourself. If you push yourself too hard, both in external obligations and in your own projects, you will reach a point where you will exhaust yourself (and that's if you're lucky). Just like in life itself, prioritize your physical and mental health, fulfill your responsibilities, and give yourself the opportunity to write under the best possible conditions.

6. Share your story. Maybe you're like me and prefer to dedicate your time to writing, planning, and editing because that's what you enjoy the most. It's understandable, but how will you get others to read your work? Get moving! Use social media, Facebook groups, and other methods because if you want others to value your work, you must make them aware of it.

7. Find your balance. Just like in any other writing project, there will be times when you write less and dedicate more time to editing or preparation. You may have periods where you write less, but that doesn't mean your productivity is lower; it just means there are other equally important tasks you must perform. Finding the right balance will allow you to progress in your short, medium, and long-term projects.

8. Take care of your readers. Remember what I mentioned about Patreon? It's not only a way for authors to receive some compensation for their work, but they also offer incentives to their followers. Most choose to offer chapters in advance, but they can also provide exclusive access to Discord/Guilded servers, EPUB/PDF files to continue reading on other devices, unlimited scenes, and a variety of other things. Just think about what you would like to have as a reader, and I'm sure you'll come up with many ideas. All of us here know how complex and exhausting writing can be, regardless of the project we're working on. However, it's equally rewarding to see our story taking shape and sharing it as if it were our own TV series. You just need to mold it in the way you desire and keep on writing!

Eitan Estheim, a passionate web serial writer hailing from Spain, is a humble virtuoso of storytelling. From an early age, armed with nothing more than a trusty notebook, Eitan embarked on a literary journey fueled by lots of chocolate. His insatiable thirst for knowledge knows no bounds, as he tirelessly hones his craft to captivate readers. Eitan's web books, spanning fantastical realms and heartfelt LGBT dramas, written in Spanish and English, mark the beginning of his promising writing career. Follow his journey on Patreon! You can also visit his website, Tumblr, Instagram, or Pinterest. Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels

[timemachineyeah]

Please disregard if there's no way to answer this without it being invasive but... re: your recent post about your job supporting your fatigue and disabilities... would you mind saying what industry it is? I have a friend with disability/chronic debilitating illness who is trying to figure out how to envision a working life while managing ongoing pain, surgeries, fatigue, etc., and I think he despairs of any place ever being willing to accommodate him for a few hours a week. We google things plenty, but the difference between a helpful listicle and a real person's anecdote is everything.

sure. my job is kind of niche so I don’t know how easy it would be to go hunting for it specifically, and I do kinda worry about giving its title since afaict only one company uses it (though more than one does this same basic thing) and my job is very regional, but maybe describing it would help you somehow

basically I work for an archive / news service. technically, I’m a journalist, but realistically what I do is more akin to gophering and data entry. I work three days a week - two short days in my county and one long one in one of the neighboring counties. on days when I leave the county I get hours for my driving time and miles reimbursed.

I don’t get a lot of flexibility on how many days I work, but when I started the job I got to pick which three days I would work, so got to decide whether one long rest or two short rests would suit me better. On the days I work I have a deadline (5pm) but can work whenever I want to meet that deadline. Sometimes it’s 9am - 11am and other times it’s 1pm - 3pm. Sometimes there’s no new cases and work is 20 minutes from my couch.

And basically what I do is compile a list of potentially interesting lawsuits filed in the county, go to the relevant courthouse to read the actual legal complaint, summarize and log the ones that meet certain criteria in a simple sentence, and get scans of ones that meet even stricter criteria to upload to our archive, all of which gets sent out to our subscribers on mailing lists.

Then, journalists and lawyers pay to get these updates or access these databases for their own reporting or research. I often know local headlines a few days to a couple weeks early because I was the one reading the source material.

I work an average of 7 hours a week. My short days are usually an hour or two. My long day is 3-7 hours depending on which county I’m going to and how unique or complicated the filed cases are. It does not take long to do the actual work. Most of my hours come from driving rural highways and listening to podcasts.

It’s the kind of job there’s not a lot of. But while it’s the best I’ve found, I’ve found very part time work with lenient employers before. It is possible. You just gotta be specific about it.

I will say, while most jobs are not looking for employees that part time, those that are will thrilled to hear that’s enough hours for you. Employers who need one specific skilled task that only takes 7 hours a week often struggle with retention because, well, how many people are gonna take that as a stop gap until they get more full time work? And then all the rest are likely to be disabled people like me, who have retention issues for reasons of health. That being said I’ve worked this job for years now, and I’m not letting it go without, like, some other better guarantee. Because while I’m happy to provide hope that these jobs do exist, it is also true that they’re tough to find.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Get To Know Me Tag

Thanks for the tags @lurkingshan & @telomeke! I really enjoy reading everyone's responses.

Do you make your bed?

Only when I wash my sheets, because then it's lovely to pull the covers down and get into a fresh bed. The rest of the time, I cannot be bothered. Plus I like naps, so will end up back in there at some point anyway.

What’s your favorite number?

I like 7 and 13.

What is your job?

Community Manager for a digital coworking/connection space. I'm also figuring out some outside consulting work.

If you could go back to school, would you?

What kind of school are we talking? Anything before age 18, hell, no. But more college? Sure. I would love to get more degrees if I had the money/spoons for it.

Can you parallel park?

Technically, yes, but realistically I will drive around the block multiple times to find a spot where I don't have to.

A job you had that would surprise people?

I'm not really sure what the average person finds surprising? I'm someone who likes to try new things, so I'm already on my 3rd career at this point, lol. Maybe some of my biology work? I guess that's a bit less common than office jobs, standing in a marsh in waist-deep water measuring crabs & eels, or building fences around plover nests to keep predators away.

Do you think aliens are real?

I think it's a very, very big universe and that pretty much anything is possible.

Can you drive a manual car?

Nope.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Hmm, I don't know if I have one? I'm pretty blatant about all my pleasures, lol. I used to be more shy about what I liked, but now I just don't give a fuck what people think.

Tattoos?

One, an ankle tattoo I got while in college. I actually loved getting it, and would love another one, but I can't make up my mind on what I want for it.

Favorite color?

Blues & purples, usually of the deeper hues.

Favorite type of music?

I like so many different types. It just depends on what I'm in the mood for.

Do you like puzzles?

Love them! I'm also really good at them. Ever since I was a kid, I can do them much more quickly than my friends & family. Something just clicks in my brain.

Any phobias?

I don't think any of my fears hit the phobia level. I get nervous with heights but if I feel secure, I can handle it. I hate plummeting, so avoid roller coasters. I'm risk-averse, but it's more logic driven than animal-brain.

Favorite childhood sport?

Hahahaha. I am very klutzy and nonathletic, sports were never my friend.

Do you talk to yourself?

To myself, to my plants, to inanimate objects within my house. Just last week I was talking to myself so vigorously, with hand gestures, that I knocked my glasses off my face. (See note above about klutzy).

What movies do you adore?

Oh gosh, there are so many. I grew up watching the classics with my parents, so I have a very deep love for a lot of old movies. Inherit the Wind. Twelve Angry Men. Shadow of a Doubt. The Magnificent Seven. Some Like It Hot. I do like a lot of modern movies too, but I think there's something about the things we imprint on as children.

Coffee or tea?

One cup of coffee first thing in the morning (more accurately, one scoop coffee with one scoop Crio Bru, it's an awesome mix), and then tea at various times throughout the day.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I don't really remember. I always had interests in a lot of things, which probably explains my multiple careers.

Not sure who hasn't been tagged yet, @slayerkitty @italianpersonwithashippersheart @dramalets @sunshinechay @infinitelyprecious @mysterygrl20 @theelast-straw @karebear923 @troubled-mind?

[onlyplatonicirl]

i like how your fanfic shows how horrible of a parent ink would realistically be

I’m glad :)

That’s something I try to go kind of in depth on in this fanfiction, which is taking a lot of the more “non canon” aspects of character interpretations (Ink being a parent, Error/Ink as a relationship, Fresh and PJ having a friendship, yadda yadda) and I kinda turn them on their head a bit and subvert expectations and try to see how those tropes would realistically work with the characters while keeping them actually IN CHARACTER.

Error/Ink in the tags? Oops jumpscare it’s not really an errink fic cuz they “break-up” (to put it lightly) in chapter 4 and basically hate each other for the rest of the 200,000 words. It’s not a shipping story it’s a tragedy looking into an aroace trying to better understand how other people work for his own slightly selfish motives and a man who is so desperate for company and attention after being alone for DECADES that he becomes nearly dependent on the emotional validation of the one person that actually seems to remotely give a shit about him.

And also realistically, the multiverse would not approve of them even being friends in any capacity. It’s always slightly pissed me off when I’ve read fanfic and Ink’s like “guys me and error are friends/dating/whatever” and everyone else is like “ok.” Wdym you aren’t gonna start WWIII. It’s an inevitable (har har) failure doomed from the start.

(Something I also enjoy a out this story is that with minor tweaking you can read the whole thing as them just being close friends - the “romance” is not a crucial part, but it does help emphasize character development with what I’m trying to write.)

So along the lines of trying to keep the characters realistic, yes ink would be a shit parent. Not on purpose and not because he doesn’t care, but because he just as a person with his horrid memory and low emotional tolerance/processing would just not be good for raising kids. Plus, he’s always traveling for his “job”, rarely would he actually stay at home for longer than a day. He treats his house like a fun sims project, free plot of land to build a crazy house for fun. He didn’t design it for much more than that, he’s not living in it full time after all.

Plus that fucked up both his kids. PJ’s become callous and wary around anyone he doesn’t know that well mostly due to having to figure things out and deal with things on their own. (Council. He doesn’t like them.) He’s nearly had to raise himself age 8 onward since Ink wasn’t much help. He just wanders the multiverse by himself. Unlike gray, who’s a total shut-in nervous wreck who barely leaves his room u less dragged by the ankle. PJ’s basically had to raise Gray as well. Neither of them have ever met Error (aside from PJ’s “birth” and a brief run-in on another occasion in which no words were spoken and that lasted maybe thirty seconds before Error ran away in terror).

I cant Write so many essays on these guys do not try me HAHAHA

Tldr I’m mentally ill about character development and emotional depth exploration