#but like honestly even without ann they were gonna have sex anyways

[gregmarriage]

that whole thing where it’s like “a man ruins every romantic relationship he has with a woman because his real soulmate is a man” or whatever, but apply it to gob bluth

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Days and Nights are Long

Pairing: clueless!Colin Shea x clueless!fem Reader

Words: ~4K

Summary: You and Colin are being idiots and it’s driving his band crazy.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, squirting), idiots in love, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: It took way longer than I had planned but here’s some more of our drunk, musical idiots in love for you hoes!!! I love them so, even though they’re morons. Tagging my Colin babes @starlightcrystalline and @wayward-blonde because I know they’ve been waiting for this.

I no longer do taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Colin shook his head and shrugged uncomfortably as he stared at his phone, wracking his brain to think of what exactly he should say to you.

“For fuck’s sake, Shea, just ask her to come up.” Matt looked exasperated, twirling his stick through his fingers as he rolled his eyes when Colin scowled at him.

He’d been moping for the past two weeks, ever since the two of you had slept together. All of his bandmates were getting sick of it, the man was the biggest pouty baby on the face of the planet. If they had to listen to him sing Everybody Hurts one more time they were going to kill him.

So they’d come up with a little plan to get him out of his funk, lining up a gig that would really lend itself better to a female vocalist and feigning innocence when Colin pointed that out. They had really enjoyed hanging out with you on that exceptionally hot evening, and if having you join them again was the only way to get their boy out of his funk, even better. He had actually smiled before pulling his phone out, but then he realized he had no idea what he should say.

The two of you had still been cordial whenever you ran into each other, but there was definitely a strain to your interactions now. No matter how much you both told each other it wasn’t awkward, it was definitely awkward. It was also weird that he was pretty sure you hadn’t come home after 1 AM at all in the last two weeks, and you usually at least spent your weekend nights at some other asshole’s apartment. Not that he’d had any visitors either, but he didn’t want to explore that too much.

He was still staring at his phone screen and trying to come up when some nonchalant greeting that would entice you to come sing with them when the phone was suddenly plucked out of his hand by an exasperated looking Keith, who ignored his spluttering as he typed a quick message before tossing the phone back to him.

“You’re thinking about this too hard.” The bassist said, setting to tuning his instrument and chuckling at the indignant look on Colin’s face.

Colin was about to give a snarky reply when he felt his phone buzz and looked down to see a text from you, grinning when he saw you saying you’d be right up. With an exclamation point! He didn’t even notice the pleased grins his bandmates were giving each other as they watched him start to tune his guitar, plucking a happy little tune and humming to himself.

They were all expecting you to come through the main door from the stairs, so when you shouted hello from behind them after climbing up your fire escape, you were greeted with the sight of five grown men almost jumping out of their skins before turning to greet you.

That grin on your face was enough to make Colin melt, all the awkwardness that had been lingering between you disappearing in an instant when you met each other’s eyes.

“Alright boys!” You took the mic Brad handed you with a warm smile, rolling it in one hand as you trailed the cord through your fingers. “You said you needed my help with something Col, what’s up?”

“Right, these idiots lined up a gig for us without consulting me first.” They all avoided his halfhearted glare with doe eyed innocence, focusing on their instruments. “And, well, the set list isn’t really in my range.”

“Lemme see.” You took the sheet of paper from his hand and scanned it quickly. “That’s a whole lot of girl rock.”

“Yeah, like I said, Ann Wilson and I aren’t really in the same register.” Fuck, it was nice to be able to talk to you again.

“Why don’t you just modulate it, then?” You mumbled absentmindedly.

He gaped like a fish at that question. He honestly hadn���t even thought about it, and even if he had, he wasn’t expecting you to know about modulation.

“If we modulate for him, none of us can hit the harmonies.” Craig piped up from behind the keyboards, and he could have kissed him.

“That right?” You teased, shooting a wicked smirk around at them. “You boys sure you didn’t just miss me?”

Colin tried not to sound too hysterical when he let out a laugh, missing the indulgent eye rolls his band mates were giving behind your backs.

“What do you think, we booked a gig where I can’t sing any of the songs on purpose just so we could hang out again?” Good thing he was pretty, the man was clueless.

“No, you’re not that clever, Col.” He made a mock wounded gesture and you grinned at him, looking over the set list some more. “What kind of gig is this anyway?”

“Yeah, Craig, you never told us what the actual gig was.” Colin and the rest of the band gave the keyboardist a variety of inquisitive stares.

“Uh, it’s a bachelorette party.” He mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with his bandmates when they started groaning.

“Fuck, Craig! I do not want to get felt up by a bunch of drunk, horny women!” Colin threw a balled up sheet of music at you when you started laughing.

“That seems right up your alley, Shea.” You teased, dodging when he threw a pillow from the couch at you. “You don’t want to pick up some rowdy bridesmaid?”

“No, they’re scary aggressive.” He shuddered when he thought about the last bachelorette party they had done, they’d practically ripped the band’s clothes off before they could get out of there.

“Aww, well I’ll be there to shield you this time, sweetie.” You winked at him and moved a little closer to everyone. “Let’s practice, boys. Don’t want to give those girls cause to complain.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was the day of the gig, and you and Colin had decided to drive together to streamline things. He was waiting in your living room and tapping his foot nervously as he waited for you to finish getting ready, anxious about what actually performing with you would be like.

“Y/N, we need to go!” He never thought you would be the type to take forever getting ready.

“Yeah, I know!” You strolled out to the living room with a grin on your face and he had to swallow a groan. “How do I look?”

“Good, really good.” The way he was looking at you made your grin grow even wider.

The outfit wasn’t even that special, just a denim mini skirt and a tight v-neck tee with a leather jacket. Oh, and thigh high leather boots. It was definitely the boots he was staring at, his eyes trained on the few inches of bare skin between the top of the boots and the hem of your skirt. You gave him a couple minutes to just stare at you before rolling your eyes and strolling towards your front door, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him after you.

“C’mon Shea, we don’t wanna be late.” You scolded, shoving his amp into his hand and slinging his guitar case over your shoulder before heading down the stairs.

He had trouble focusing on the road as he drove you to the bar the party was going to be at, all he wanted to do was memorize the way you looked in that outfit. It was like someone told you exactly what to wear to drive him crazy. Maybe bringing you into this gig hadn’t been the best idea, because all he wanted to do right now was pull over and let you ride him while you weren’t wearing anything except for those boots and that jacket, and maybe whatever lingerie you had on under that outfit.

“Colin, you’re going to miss the turn.” Your voice snapped him out of his little daydream, and he cursed as he took the turn towards the bar a little faster than he would have liked.

“Sorry, just got a little distracted.” He mumbled, slowing down as he turned into the alley behind the bar and put the car in park behind Matt’s van.

The rest of the band was already unloading, waving at you two as Colin shut off his vehicle and you stepped out. You actually gave Craig and Keith little side hugs before you started helping with the unloading, he hadn’t realized you guys had gotten that close over the past week, and for some reason it made him smile.

“How’s it going man?” He didn’t know how he felt about the look Matt was giving him as he helped carry the bass drum inside, it felt suggestive of something. “Y/N seems excited to be here.”

“Yeah, I thought she might be nervous about performing but she’s handling everything like a pro.” He watched you laugh at something Brad said as you worked on connecting your mic. “Maybe we should make her an official member.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Matt just shrugged, laughing when Colin rounded on him and started spluttering.

“I was joking! We can’t just ask Y/N to be in the band!” Could they? Having you around had been a lot of fun, and the band dynamic had helped alleviate some of the tension that had been growing between you two. But seeing you tonight looking like you did and knowing that you were gonna have to have some on stage chemistry to make this work was making him think twice about things. You got a little intense during rehearsals, and the added pressure of being on stage might make him combust if you kicked it up at all.

Matt shook his head at him and set to assembling his kit while the rest of the band started tuning and connecting their instruments. You just sat on a stool and sipped some water, running through a couple vocal exercises absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. It only took a couple of minutes for everyone to finish setting up and then it was mic checks all around.

Everything sounded good and balanced after a couple adjustments and the sound guys gave you the thumbs up to start warming up. Colin couldn’t stop watching you. You were so unbelievably relaxed on stage and it was just endearing you to him even more. He thought for sure you would have been a bundle of nerves but you seemed to be right in your element, tossing him a couple of lazy grins over your shoulder as you ran through a couple of songs before the partygoers started filtering in.

The band switched to doing some instrumental ambience shit while they waited for the party to really get going, and Colin wandered over to talk to you when you took a step back from your mic.

“Still feeling ok about this?” He asked, beaming back at the soft smile you gave him.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” You bounced on your toes a little, adrenaline flooding your veins as the crowd grew. “Think I’ll get any bras thrown at me?”

“You never know with bachelorettes.” He laughed, strolling back over to his own mic so he could introduce the band.

If he thought jamming with you was special, it was nothing compared to watching you perform. You were a goddamn natural, coming alive and feeding off the crowd’s energy until you were completely lost in the music. Every time his eyes met yours you were grinning at him, and your chemistry with the rest of the band was palpable.

Not to mention, you kept drifting close to him on the stage, brushing your hand over his shoulders or leaning against him when you harmonized and it was making his knees weak. , God, he could do this with you every night, even though he was pretty sure he was going to need to sneak into the bathroom to jerk off afterwards.

The show was over too soon, the extremely drunken crowd of rowdy bachelorettes finally getting crazy enough that the band was ready to make a hasty escape. You were bouncing on your toes with residual energy as you started helping the guys pack up their instruments, grabbing Colin’s amp after he shoved his guitar in the case and you both made a run for it to his car when a wobbly woman started to try to climb on the stage.

“Colin, holy fuck that was so much fun!” You managed to make it to the alley unscathed and were giving him the most heartbreaking grin. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

“Yeah? Well you did a great fucking job.” Goddamn it, he’d missed you. “We can do whatever you want, honey.”

“Really?” You slammed the trunk closed and started to prowl closer to him. “Whatever I want?”

“That is what I said.” He could feel his voice dropping into that low register that meant he was in desperate need of some sort of release, so he really hoped he wasn’t misreading this situation. “Why? Did you want something now?”

“I think I do.” Your chest was right against his and you could feel it heaving, gazing at him through your lashes while you ran your fingers over his abs. “I stole the keys to the van.”

“And, you wanna go on a joy ride?” He breathed deep when you brushed your lips over his, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“Or, we could just fuck in the back while the rest of the guys search for these.” You pulled back a little and jingled the keys in his face, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth while he ran his hands over your hips.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He smashed his lips to yours and let out a low moan, his fingers digging into your ass while the two of you stumbled towards the side door of the van.

You fumbled with the keys for a minute because you didn’t want to take your mouth off Colin for any reason, but then you were sliding the door open and the two of you were falling inside in a tangle of limbs before somehow managing to kick the door closed behind you. Trying to undress each other was a little difficult with how wrapped up you were in each other but you managed, tossing your garments away haphazardly as your tongues curled tangled together. Colin grabbed your hands when you went to remove your boots, pulling them up to his face and kissing your palms before winding your arms around his neck.

“Keep those on.” His voice was a low growl and fuck, you forgot how sexy he was.

“Well, cannot say I’m surprised you're a little kinky, Col.” You wound your fingers through his hair and yanked, purring at the groan he gave you. “I’m gonna suck that pretty dick of yours, but then I’ll give it to you nice and rough.”

“God, baby.” He wished he didn’t sound so whiny when you started kissing your way down his chest, but he hadn’t gotten any release except from his hand for the past two weeks and he really needed you to keep doing what you were doing. “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“Yeah? Knew you were a good boy.” You winked at him when you started kissing the skin above the band of his boxer briefs before you were yanking them down his thighs and immediately licking a heavy stripe up the underside of his cock when it sprung up against his abs.

Colin had to brace a hand against the side of the van when you worked him over, spitting on his tip and watching it drip down his length before spreading it over him with your lips. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a nice, smooth stroke as you ducked down between his length to press gentle kisses over his balls while you jerked him off. He almost choked on his tongue when you wrapped your lips around his sack and tugged softly, the hum you let out sending a vibration up his spine while your thumb swiped over his swollen tip.

The sounds he was making from just a handjob were enough to soak through the thin lace of your panties, and when he shouted your name when you moved a little lower and teased your tongue over his asshole, well you almost fucking came just from that. You couldn’t believe you had stupidly waited two fucking weeks before indulging in this man again, you finally felt like yourself again. It was driving you absolutely crazy, the way his hips were wriggling underneath you spurring you on until you couldn’t take it any more.

If he thought your hand was incredible, it was nothing compared to the feel of your lips wrapped around his tip while your tongue swirled around his sensitive head. With all the women he’d slept with, he’d definitely suffered through some mediocre and downright disappointing blow jobs. But you felt like you were about to suck the soul out of him, and you’d only just started.

“Ah, Christ.” He was going to pass out if you kept going like this, your mouth was like fucking heaven. “Honey, fuck.”

You shot him a wicked look when you started bobbing your head, taking him just a little deeper each time while your tongue curled around him as much as possible. Then you opened your throat and swallowed him whole and he lost his mind.

He wrapped his hand in your hair and held your head still as he started fucking your throat, his hips bucking wildly while you choked and sputtered around him. Drool was running down your chin and soaking his thighs as you started breathing through your nose, digging your fingers into his thighs while he used you like a fuck toy. You kept your tongue pressed flat against your bottom teeth to avoid choking on it, moaning softly when you tasted the salty tang of his precum hit your tongue. His grip on your hair was growing painful, and you could tell by the way his abs were twitching that he was close.

“Wait, ah shit!” He somehow managed to gather enough self control to pull out of your mouth, groaning at the long string of saliva that kept you connected even as you bit at your swollen lips. “I’m not coming unless it’s in that pretty pussy. How do you want it?”

“Fuck me from behind, Col.”

He growled as he sat up and smashed his lips to yours, savoring the taste of himself on your tongue before flipping your over and burying his face in your hair. You let out a low moan when he slammed into you with no warning, gasping at the punishing pace he was setting and purring when he started mouthing at your neck.

The van was shaking like some sort of cliche while Colin fucked into you with abandon, his hips bouncing off your ass in an obscene display while the two of you whined and panted together. Colin was going to lose his fucking mind, two weeks with barely even talking to you and now he was finally inside you it was all he could do to not go completely feral.

“Oh god, honey.” He was practically whining against your skin when you clenched around him, sucking your ear lobe between his lips while you arched your back and purred for him. “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet. Pussy so fucking good. Tell me you’re close, I need to feel you come.”

“So close, Colin, shit!” You gasped when he hit you deep, curling your body backwards around him and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair and press his lips to yours. “Need that dick so bad. Feel so good when you’re inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know.” He wound one hand around your neck and the other arm around your waist, holding you close while he kissed you deeply and swallowed your wanton mewls with a deep groan. “Come for me.”

His hips ground against you and you slapped the floor of the van when you came, sobbing into his mouth and vibrating underneath him while your pussy strangled his cock. Your teeth nipped at his lips once you were finished, humming happily as he continued fucking you through your high.

“Need more, Colin.” You whimpered when he started slowing down, trying to thrust your hips back towards him as you tried to bring yourself to the edge again. “Harder, I need it.”

“Fuck, I’ll give you whatever you fucking want.” He tugged at your lips with his teeth, squeezing your neck gently and groaning at your soft whimper as you clenched around him. “Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good.”

You couldn’t respond when he started pounding into you furiously, the way his cock was punching against your soft walls making it a little hard to breathe, never mind thinking. He was hitting every spot you needed him to with each thrust, grunting into your ear each time his hips slammed into you until he felt your breath hitch.

Every time he bottomed out you thought you were going to pass out, the tip of his cock punching against your cervix and making you see stars. It was so good, he was hitting you so deep and smooth you couldn’t believe you’d been denying yourself for so long.

Colin growled when a particularly vicious push had your entire body rising off the floor of the van, your fluttering sigh sending a shiver of pleasure through his body. One more thrust and you lost it, screaming with ecstasy as every muscle in your body vibrated and you squirted all over Colin’s thighs and the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, baby.” Colin was desperate, his rhythm completely gone as he chased his own end while you fluttered around him. “Gonna fill this pretty little pussy up until I’m leaking outta you for the next week.”

“Oh god, please.” Your eyes rolled up in your head while you let him use you, his lips tracing your jaw hungrily as you pushed your hips back to meet his. “Give it to me, Colin.”

He buried his face in your neck and let out a strangled cry when his hips stuttered, thick, warm ropes of white shooting against your soft walls until he was collapsing on top of you with a sated moan. You tangled your fingers with his above your head as your breathing regulated, his breath hot on your neck while the two of you melted into each other.

“We’re not waiting two weeks again, right?” Colin’s arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled into your hair, his lips spreading in a slow smile when he felt you purr contentedly.

“Nope. I’m definitely gonna need this to happen on the regular.” You turned a little so you could rub your nose against his. “You know, in between our other, normal escapades.”

“Right.” His heart fell a little at that, but maybe just interspersing his trysts with you with his other one night stands would help flush his crush on you out of his system.

Before he had a chance to say anything else there was a sudden pounding at the van door, snapping the two of you out of your haze with a pair of exasperated groans.

“Shea!!!” You untangled yourselves as you started to pull on your clothes. “That had better be Y/N in there! If you sad fucked some bachelorette and we have to listen to you sing stupid breakup songs for the next month I’m going to kill you!”

[itsallyscorner]

hey love ❤️ i hope you’re doing good and healthy but i was wondering if you could do a little mix!reader after she gave birth to tom and her’s child. maybe when the girls meet their niece or nephew

💌

The World’s Greatest Aunties

Pairing: Tom Holland x fem!reader, Little Mix x fem!reader

Summary: The girls finally get to meet Baby Holland for the first time.

Warnings: none, spelling errors?

A/n: Hey darling! Thank you so much for the request, I’m so sorry that it took so long. I took a small break from writing Tom fics and writing in general because I needed to recharge the author part of my brain😭😂 I was lacking motivation to write but I’m back now! Thank you again for the request and I hope you like it!💞

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

(Pinterest)

✧───── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

Five pairs of eyes peered over the bassinet, a twinkle of admiration in each one. The house was quiet except for the low hums of the music that played softly in the living room. Occasionally, they would hear the light clicks and taps of Tessa’s nails against the floors. The five of them were quiet, letting out a little coo here and there when the tiny bundle in the bassinet fidgeted.

“I can’t believe you actually made a baby.” Leigh-Anne whispered, cautiously steadying her voice at a quieter tone. You all nodded, agreeing to her comment.

You glance at Tom, who was stood beside you, “We weren’t even planning on having a baby. Someone’s pull-out game was just very weak.”

Tom’s mouth gaped at your statement, a false offended look on his features. “Well, you weren’t complaining while it was happening.”

“Did you really think I’d be in the right headspace to realize how bad your pull-out game was after being railed to the bed?” You quizzed him, standing up straight and placing your hands on your hips.

Jesy’s eyes shifted between you and Tom, “Are you two really talking about how irresponsible you guys are at sex in front of the baby you both made—because of irresponsible sex?”

“But isn’t she the cutest outcome of irresponsible sex?” Perrie cooed, leaning closer to the opening of the bassinet. Tom smirks at you before slinging his arm around your shoulder, “We made a beautiful baby, didn’t we?”

“Don’t flatter yourself Thomas, I’m sure Amelia’s 90 percent (Y/n) and 10 percent you.” Jesy comments, earning her some chuckles from the rest of you except for Tom. Though they’ve know each other for years, and he’s proved himself worthy of you, that still didn’t stop Jesy from giving him a hard time. Of course, all the petty arguments were all in good fun. He’s been slowly growing on her anyway.

“Well she’s definitely got (y/n)’s lips.” Leigh-Anne observed, admiring the sweet baby from above. You leaned your head on Tom’s shoulder as you watched Amelia scrunch her tiny nose.

“But her nose, without a doubt, is Tom’s.” You point out, watching your baby snuggle into her blanket.

“Honestly, you know how some babies are just not cute when they’re first born?” Jade began, voice remaining in a whisper. A few sounds of agreement were heard amongst you all. “Amelia’s probably one of the most cutest newborns I’ve ever seen, and she’s only a few weeks old.”

Tom’s lips morph into a soft smile as he leans back down towards Amelia, “She’s gorgeous isn’t she?” His large hand creeping closer to his daughter to brush his fingers along her chubby cheeks. Though the contact of his cold digits made her jolt, causing a sob to bubble out her small body. Tom gasped, turning around to give you an apologetic look. Before the girls arrived, you had put Amelia down for a nap so she wouldn’t be fussy once the girls were over. You were planning on waiting till she woke up to properly introduce her to the girls, but things don’t always go as planned, do they?

“Oh no!” Perrie cried, moving out the way so Tom can gather Amelia into his arms. Tom held her against his chest, shushing her and slightly bouncing his body to ease her wailing.

“I’m so sorry, sunshine. Daddy didn’t mean to wake you.” He apologized, genuinely feeling bad for waking her up from her nap. He whispered comforting words into her ear, not phased by the fact that she couldn’t even understand him yet. He pressed kisses on the crown of Amelia’s head, trying to calm her down.

“Look at that, she even got your vocals too.” Jesy hummed, smiling at the crying baby against Tom’s chest. You laughed, stretching your hands out towards Tom. Just by the gesture, he knew what you meant. The two of you have only been parents for almost a month now and every single day it seemed like you were both picking up new habits—specifically parental ones. It was like the start of your relationship again, you were leaning new things about each other, but this time as parents.

“Aww, c’mere darling, momma’s got you.” You cooed as Tom helped you place her against your chest. Her tiny head was snuggled into the crook of your neck, the warmth coming from your skin soothing her. You had a hand under her bum while the other was rubbing circles onto her back. Slowly, her cries softened until they were replaced by her cute baby gurgles.

“Are you crying?” Perrie asked. You turned around to see who the question was directed to. Only to find Jesy wiping her eyes and fanning them with her hands. She shook her head trying to brush off Perrie’s question.

“Babe,” you called out to her, “Why are you crying?”

You body gently swayed side to side, trying to entertain Amelia. You all looked at Jesy, an amused yet concerned expression on all your faces. When she felt like her tears weren’t about to spill from her eyes, she tilted her head to look at you again.

“I’m just—you’re an actual mother. Like look at you, you’re so grown up.” She sniffed, eyes watering up again. Jesy and the rest of the girls were just a few years older than you. Being the youngest of the group, they’ve always been protective of you and viewed you as their younger sister. They watched you grow up into an amazing woman, watched you fall in love with Tom, and now here you were—as a mother. The sight was quite emotional.

“Aw Jess.” You walk closer to her, using one of your arms to embrace her. Jesy chokes on her laugh, “No! Don’t hug me, you’re gonna make me cry even more.”

You ignore her protests and continue to wrap your arm around her neck. Jesy allows the hug to happen, wrapping both her arms around your waist.

“It’s okay, I cried a few times too.” Tom tells her comfortingly, handing her a tissue from over your shoulder. She takes it, thanking him quietly, and dabbing her eyes. You hear some more sniffles around the room. Breaking your hug with Jesy, you look around to see Perrie, Jade, and Leigh-Anne with glossy eyes.

“Guys...” You sigh.

“It just sunk in that you’re a mum now. Like you need to take care of another human being and help them become a person and all that.” Jade summed up, blinking away tears. Tom took it upon himself to wordlessly pass around tissues to the four women in the room.

Leigh-Anne came up behind you to move your hair over your shoulders, “You’re gonna teach her so many lessons about life. You’re gonna be the first person she’ll always look up to and her first best friend—I’m so excited for you.”

“I have life lessons too, ya know.” Tom interjected, slightly raising his hand. Jesy glances at him and scoffs, “You have the body of a twelve year old and you cry in movies for a living. What could you possibly learn from that?”

“I don’t cry in all my movies.” He defended himself.

You move your head to look at Tom, “Darling, you’ve literally cried in four out of the five Marvel movies you’ve been in. That speaks volumes.”

Jade’s eyes shifted between Jesy and Tom, “I thought we were having a sentimental moment, how did we go from that to hating on Tom.”

“Because, he’s Tom.”

Tom crossed his arms, squinting at you all, “You know, I thought having Amelia would make you guys like me more—but no, I just can’t catch a break from you lot.”

A joyful sound emitted from Amelia, catching everyone’s attention. The girls cooed and awed at the new member of their little family.

“Oh hello precious!” Perrie squealed leaning down beside you so she can see Amelia’s face. Your baby’s eyes were wide as she stared at the faces crowding above her.

“D’you guys wanna hold her?” The girls eagerly nod, bodies filling with excitement. You handed Amelia to Jesy, showing her how to properly hold your newborn baby. With her new niece’s head resting against her shoulder, she feels her heart swell with joy.

“Oh my, she’s lovely.” She whispered softly, her hand cradling Amelia’s head. She ducks her head to get a closer look at her face, chuckling when she sees the combination of you and Tom on Amelia’s features. Jesy catches a whiff of the newborn baby smell radiating off of her—you know, that light weight baby powder-ish smell?

“And she smells so good!” Jesy announced enthusiastically. Perrie frowns, “I wanna smell the baby.”

“Too bad, you can’t.” Jade teases, poking fun at Perrie’s inability to smell. Jesy passes Amelia to Perrie, who makes grabby hands at her before wrapping her arms around Amelia’s tiny form.

“I’m so sorry for exposing you to the media.” She tells the baby, a chorus of laughter following her apology. Perrie gently pokes Amelia’s cheeks with her finger, “Your cheeks! I just want to squish ‘em and smother you with kisses!”

“I think you’ve had enough time with the baby, my turn!” Leigh-Anne jokes, holding her hands out for Amelia. Perrie carefully hands her to Leigh-Anne, who instantly melts once she holds Amelia against her.

“I want one now.” She whines.

“Ask Andre, I’m sure he’ll give you one in no time.” You wink at her, gesturing to the ring on her left hand. You honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she became pregnant anytime soon. Leigh-Anne took her time holding Amelia, basking in the cloud of baby fever she was currently experiencing. Your daughter was then passed onto Jade, who was thrilled to show her niece all the gifts she had bought her.

You all watched as Jade ventured towards the couch, kindly asking Tom to fetch the large bag that was at your entrance alongside the piles of packages from your family and friends. Ever since you and Tom brought Amelia home, there has been a never ending amount of gifts being delivered to your home. The items ranged from clothes, toys, to diapers, and baby bottles. Your house was practically filled to the brim with baby supplies.

Jade settles on the couch; adjusting Amelia so she can cradle her with her arm and using her free hand to pull out gifts from the bag. You and the rest of the girls sit around her, while Tom looked over the couch behind you.

“You guys really didn’t have to get us anything, just being here and letting us share this moment with you is enough for me.” You expressed, Tom agreeing with you. Jade simply brushed you off, “Oh hush up, let us spoil Amelia. She’s going to be the sixth member of our band, so we need to make sure she’s got the best clothes to look like her mummy and aunties.”

Jade proceeds to pull out a bunch of Disney themed items out from the bag. “Oh you’re gonna love this, I found a bunch off onesies that were princess themed—look!” Jade held up the hanger of multiple Disney onesies for your daughter. “Look Amelia, there’s one for every princess!” You couldn’t help but let out a laugh when Jade began to show every item she bought for Amelia.

Your and Tom’s jaws dropped when she pulled out a Minnie Mouse headband made for babies.

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, lemme see.” Tom held his hand out towards Jade who handed him the headband. You watched adoringly as Tom inspected the headband, looking at it with fascination. He caught your stare and proudly held up the head band, “Baby, we’ve gotta take her to Disney.”

“Oh, we definitely are, don’t worry.” You assure him, making him proudly fist the air. Without any of you noticing, Jesy slipped out the room to get the gift bag she left out at the entrance.

“I’ve got something too!” She sang entering the living room. She sat back on the couch, Jade passing Amelia to her once she was comfortable.

“Alright, ya ready precious?” Jesy asked Amelia, who grabbed at the bag with her hands. Jesy took her hands in hers and helped Amelia ‘take out’ the tissue paper from the bag.

“Since I know your parents are two of the biggest Harry Potter nerds, I decided to get you this because I know they’ll flip.” She explained before pulling out a baby Hogwarts costume.

“Jesy!” You gasped, leaning in to get a closer look at the clothes.

“They have Harry Potter merch for babies?” Tom exclaimed, rushing to stand behind Jesy’s part of the couch. He began to ramble, asking her where she bought the clothes and if there were more.

Jesy held her hand out to stop Tom from talking, “Wait, wait—WAIT, Jesus Thomas, you’re more excited for these clothes than your daughter.”

Tom shrugged, “Well she can’t express any feelings yet, so I’ll do it.”

“Here.” She passed the costume to him making him cheer. “The costume came with another thing actually.” Jesy took out a baby Hogwarts robe, making you gasp again.

“It comes with the robes too?” You asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, it was an entire set!” Jesy proudly answered. Tom ran his hand along the robe, touching the soft fabric. He let out a squeal, “I love it!”

“Tom darling, the clothes are for Amelia, not you.” Perrie teasingly reminded him. Tom brushes off her comment, “(Y/n), we could all dress up as Hogwarts students for Halloween! We could match costumes!” Tom was practically buzzing with excitement, not allowing you to give him a response.

“Thank you Jesy, it’s nice to know that you have a soft spot for me.” He bumped his fist against her shoulder, which she glared at.

“I don’t have a soft spot for you, twit.”

“Yes you do, you knew I liked Harry Potter.” He held up the Hogwarts costume, “And you got Amelia a baby Hogwarts costume. You went out of your way to give us this gift. It’s enough proof, Jes.”

“I got it for (Y/n).” Jesy argued.

Tom crossed his arms, “Just admit that you like me.”

“No, you’re a menace.” You all watched the exchange between the two. A goofy grin was on his face as he spread his arms out, “I’m gonna hug you now.” Before Jesy can respond, Tom had wrapped his arms around Jesy. She groaned, squirming in his grip.

“Thank you Jesy!” He sang, taking the piss out of annoying her. She smacked his arm, “I get it. Now get off, I’m holding your child!”

Tom lets go with a smile on his face.

“She likes me.” He mouthed to you, motioning to Jesy. You shook your head at him, chuckling.

The girls continued to give Amelia their gifts. Perrie got her a bunch of classic children’s books and some toys. Leigh-Anne had given you a diaper bag and a “mommy and me” set of clothes. You were instantly obsessed with the matching sets, now you and your baby girl can have matching outfits. The night was full of the girls passing Amelia around and playing with her. She hadn’t cried for a single second, happy with the attention she was getting and constantly being held. There was no doubt that she would sleep soundly tonight, much to your and Tom’s content.

You watched as the girls circled around Amelia in the living room. Perrie was currently holding her, talking about how she couldn’t wait to spoil her with all the cutest baby clothes and toys. You overheard them talking about all the things they wanted to teach her; like how to sing. A smile had crept its way onto your lips without you noticing. Suddenly a pair of arms wrap around your waist.

Tom presses a kiss onto your shoulder and rests his chin on it, “You know she’s the luckiest baby in the world? And I’m not just saying that because she’s our child, but she’s really lucky. We’re very lucky.”

“We are, aren’t we?” You hum, leaning your weight against his chest, something he happily welcomes.

“She’s got two amazing parents. That’s us.” He squeezes you and continues his list, “She has grandparents who already love her, a bunch of protective uncles, and the world’s greatest aunties in her corner.” He finished, gesturing to the women in the living room. Yeah, you guys were lucky.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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[mego42]

Shamelessly stealing @foxmagpie​’s monthly rec thing without the ability to get my life together to do these on a monthly basis so, seasonal recs! So excited to see if I manage to do this again with anything remotely resembling consistency but i’ve been keeping the notes for approximately 43 years (or since ~september, whatever that means) so by god i’m gonna use them. 

found my thrill - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe​

Turner POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys turner is SO OBSESSED with Beth and Rio

both canonically and in this fic

it’s gr9

also features a weirdly soothing and relatable cord untangling moment as a metaphor

truly disturbingly relatable turner pov tbh

relentless boomer disdain, always a plus

led to the creation of this monstrosity, not sure what kind of a monster would do that

War In My Mind - mintletters16

Backread!!!!

post-213, gorgeous character study 

guaranteed to make you feEl stUfF

I really love the like, cyclical, fractured pattern of Beth’s internal monologue, it gives the whole thing a really affecting at times dreamy, at times haunted vibe

the end twist is *chef’s kiss*

mourning bells - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet​

Backread!!!!

Later s2 era, Rio’s at a funeral, gets drunk and calls Beth

V short, kind of…..mmm, not sweet, but almost? Idk

It’s got a wistful sort of almost/i can be quiet with you vibe that i go extremely bonkers for

delinquents - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Lol are any of you actually not reading this yet?

g o d ch 8 where do i start

First off how ABSOLUTELY VERY DARE for the tragic angst that is delinquents!beth boland. This poor baby, this precious bean. MUST PROTEC

SHE’S TRYING HER BEST AND I LOVE HER

zero percent deserves dean’s clammy hands, no i have not forgotten, tattooed on my brain, will never forgive

I also love love love love LOVE the ruby/stan subplot happening

(and ruby’s mom!!!!!) (seriously though you write the best moms)

oh god and baby beth starting to have confusing feelings about rio?????? *chef’s kiss*

p sure i was just like, straight screaming the entire end of the chapter

the dugout is like, pure serotonin

I can’t even talk about the closet

tHe teNsiOn

thank you i will take eleventy billion

don't give it a hand, offer it a soul - medievalraven / @medievalraven

am a desperate heaux for any fic that features rio and mick friendship

you are all incredibly shocked i know

still would not be mad if this swerved into rio x mick fake dating but beth x rio is cool too i guess

Speaking of things i am a desperate heaux for: DIANE!!!!!!!!

and DATING ANNIE???????????? Blessed

honestly this fic is worth it purely for the assertion that mick watches queer eye

Why don't we go to Venus? - watermelonriddles / @bensonstablers​

another grief study! 

apparently i was working through some stuff in september, idk, that was like 4 years ago

considering it’s the premise of the fic, i don’t think it’s a spoiler to say this fic is canon divergent and working with the premise that rio killed beth in 302

he is uh, not coping well

extremely haunted you might say

lots of marcus and rhea which is a delight!

rhea is to good for him tbh

i said what i said

truly top notch dream (nightmare?) sequences

the conversation at the end is extremely uncalled for

drop the game - Ejunkiet / @ejunkiet​

Backread!!!!

Am going to die mad Beth and Rio didn’t hook up in 211 but luckily this fic scratched the itch 

(temporarily, it’s a fairly permanent itch)

Bonus rec: missing scene series i wanna do bad things to you featuring 2x02 and 2x04

Viva Voce - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx​

Whoops we woke up married Vegas shenanigans!! 

So cute!!!!! So sexy!!!!! 

What more do you want?

am desperately obsessed with how beth can’t help stalking rio

feels right, feels organic

this makes me feel a lot of stuff about how they could be without their canon garbage between them

🎶 we could’ve had it aaaaaaaaaaall 🎶

you showed me colors (i can't see them with anyone else) - gild_fire / @gild-and-fire​

really into the use of color to illustrate beth’s emotional state, i feel like there’s a word for that but idk what it is

UNIMPORTANT

really nice job capturing beth’s inner vulnerability balanced by her outer stubbornness

am DESPERATELY into Mick playing matchmaker

more please???????

Both Sides of the Law - JoeyLee / @joeyjoeylee​

LAW SCHOOL AU! I suuuuuuper love Beth and Rio here (alt pov!! a gift!!!!) I love how initially prickly they are, I love how it’s evolving into a grudging respect, I love how INCREDIBLY AND HILARIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH EACH OTHER THEY ARE and neither one of them seems to see it

listen I know we’re all already foaming at the mouth over this one but as it’s gonna go down as one of my all time favorites it bears repeating/rereccing

cannot stress enough how masterful the use of POV is here, both voices feel completely true and distinct and I love how the alternating chapters revisit, reveal and emphasize pieces of each other

i can’t talk about this fic without hyperventilating

I LOVE IT SO MUCH YOU GUYS

the slow burn is going to ACTUALLY KILL ME

rip, no regrats

Earned It - wakeupflawless / @wakeupflawless​

spanking

that’s it that’s the pitch

H O T

living for beth’s exit in the first chapter, rio and i are both incredibly into it

second chapter also features violently possessive Rio who cannot deal with anyone messing with his girl so if that’s your thing boy howdy get on it

shake, baby, shake - openhearts

backread!!!!!

according to my bookmarks this was a reread but ???????

must’ve read it in the fugue state that followed reading for a moment we were strangers which is gr9 and I believe I have recced it before. If not, horrible oversight, reccing it now

beth and Rio POV lead up to the bathroom break, beautifully done, low-key feel bad reccing it bc the end point of both chapters makes me want to throw things but it’s super worth it for the tEnsiOn. ENJOY

What the Sea Wants, the Sea Will Have - flashindie / @pynkhues​

I’m assuming all of y’all are already reading this

If not OH MY GOD FIX YOUR LIVES

P I R A T E  A U

I’m sorry maybe you didn’t hear me piRaTE aU

meticulously researched, brain-meltingly vibrant, already painfully sexy slow-burning PIRATE AU

god where to start okay so first off, the world-building here straight up breaks my brain, sophie’s put in the work and it SHOWS

second, the atmosphere. i’m generally a pretty like, vague mental picture sort of reader but the sensory detail here grabs you by the throat and like, forcibly hauls you in whether your brain’s wired that way or no

and hey speaking of throats if you, like me, go a little funny about the knees at the idea of beth holding a knife to rio’s throat (he’s fine, calm down), there’s a v excellent beth-in-a-barrel moment for you

oh christ and the sexy tension

it’s gonna be a race to see which slow burn takes me out first, this or law school

Stunner - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Another high school AU, this time with baby Rio absolutely head over heels for his older sister’s bff

stunner!Rio has an emotional earnestness about him that I feel like delinquents!Rio has already outgrown and it’s so SWEET I can’t get enough

Desperately cute!!!!!!

alL he waNts iS foR beTh tO bE hiS girL

also unreasonably angsty???????

ANN ARBOR IS NOT THAT FAR MEGAN

A Heart's A Heavy Burden - tooshyforthis / @bathroombreaks​

Howl’s Moving Castle AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Howl’s!!!!!!!!!!!

perfect opp to roast Rio for being a Dramatique Heaux 

and it’s gonna be 9 chapters?????? H Y P E

author’s note boldly presumes I did not know I needed this AU when the reality is I did in fact know I needed this AU, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to deliver

so blessed

author also claims to not be team nose stud and yet it features prominently in all its magnificent glory

what is the truth dot gif

A Bit of a Stretch - septiembre / @septiembur​

SO????? CUTE?????????

would be on this list for Rio calling Beth E alone tbh

really really really really really love this Rio POV of being settled into a relationship with Beth

It manages to be sweetly domestic af while still holding the edge that makes brio brio which is a neat trick

@septiembur may be a witch

beth’s approach to getting rio to do yoga with her is hilarious and exactly right, canon-typical amounts of subtlety 

1000000/10

Post Break-Up Sex - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs​

stg this was called Hit Shuffle

no matter

h O T

with a side of damn i’ve made some questionable choices in my life haven’t i introspection

(no regrats tho)

(esp not with this fic)

not the point of the fic by a long shot but i’m also extremely obsessed with Weed Eddie, so real

She drains my soul... she drains it not - niham87 / @niham87​

ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS CONCEPT

am a complete sucker for paranormal world building that satirizes bureaucracy 

Is that a trope? If so that’s my favorite

I did it. I’m picking a single favorite. You know what that is growth dot gif

ANYWAY i love the concept, i love the humor, i love beth instantly clicking with annie

I love her and mick’s sort of grudging professional courtesy

Love beth as a champion of environmental responsibility and all of the underworld being like …...okay??

cannot wait to see where this goes

Nine-Tenths - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

sometimes i think about rio putting beth’s hair in a ponytail and have to go lie down

science please explain why this rUinS mE

wait hold on i skipped ahead

HEY KIDS DO YOU LIKE UNBEARABLY CUTE DOMESTIC TENDERNESS

opens with rio sleepily holding beth’s hand to his heart so that’s the kind of thing you’ll be dealing with

uGH theY’RE sO CUTe

idk why precisely but rio adding hair ties to his bracelet collection is my undoing every time

Missed Call - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Rio doesn’t come home from a job when he’s supposed to. Beth (and I!!!!!!!) slowly loses her mind

Truly a masterpiece of rising tension

Will literally never forgive her for calling this light angst

I was SO STRESSED OUT

The first person to point out there was an author’s note at the beginning I obvs didn’t read is getting blocked

crush - foxmagpie / @foxmagpie​

Listen even though this is centered around two OCs, they are OCs FROM a (n iconic) brio fic AND Beth, Ruby and Rio all make cameos (I mean, Rio’s pretty present since he lives in Mar’s mind rent free bc they are THE SWEETEST MOST ADORABLE BEST OF FRIENDS so idk if i’d call it a cameo but whatever)

and even if it didn’t feature any official GG characters I’d still rec is bc that’s mY SON AND this fic is TOO CUTE

I have so many feelings over mar and rio growing up and not knowing how to cope with girls becoming a Thing in their life and how it affects their friendship and mar feeling left behind but (SPOILERS) at the end of the story rio starts feeling that too and it’s so poignant knowing how that’s going to continue in delinquents

while mar may be my son, i also claim elena’s #1 stan status

before you’re like meg you’re only reccing it bc it’s a bday present ask yourselves do i really strike you as the kind of person that wouldn’t be equally obnoxious about this either way?

truly cannot fathom how hard i have fallen for these OCs i don’t normally do that

@foxmagpie is definitely a witch

The Ottoman - Niham87 / @niham87​

look i will be the first to admit that i don’t go near as bonkers over the ottoman line in 308 as y’all do

(don’t get me wrong, i love it!!! I love that he laughs and i love that she’s pleased it just doesn’t hit my lose my whole mind button like idk, the dubby or the 306 convo, idk why)

BUT i v v v much love the context this delightful Rio POV pwp gives it

am also absolutely feral for 209 missing scene fic

and anything that captures the complexity of Rio’s s3 feelings for Beth and how twisted they’ve become

so this scratches a bunch of itches, is what i’m trying to say

Bet On It - zetuslapetus / @querenaxx​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

That’s what my brain does when I think about Beth and Rio meeting in ch 1

am DESPERATELY OBSESSED WITH the tension between the two of them in this fic

I love how it plays with the ways they have to rely on but don’t trust each other

plus FAKE DATING and BED SHARING (fair warning hasn’t happened yet but the set up is there)

originally supposed to be 2 chapters, already up to 4, prayer circle it goes on forever

do you like drugs (tonight) - s_t_c_s / @sothischickshe​

v important focus on hydration, other fic should take note

extremely about the use of cut to and then flashback to enhance the ‘we were on drugs’ vibe

speaking of, beth and rio absolutely would take ecstasy to prove they are fun bc they are the exact kind of idiots that would peer pressure themselves

so glad beth kept her purse, got a bit stressed there for a second, clutches in that kind of circumstance are A Risk

not that i would know

FLAWLESS USE OF VOICEMAIL TBH

really love the ongoing denial that they are remotely into each other while proceeding to demonstrate how they are in fact, extremely into each other, great vibe

rio dances

I know my brain broke too

mmmm bacon

Navigate A Broken Path - flashindie / @pynkhues​

*INCOHERENT PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*

I have a long standing tradition of getting unreasonably obsessed with side characters so i’m not like, entirely surprised by how obsessed i am with both Mick and Mary Pat but i never in a million years considered them as a ship

AND Y E T

they fit????? so perfectly?????? It’s amazing how she developes them individually enough that i look at them together and think ah yes this makes perfect sense for both characters

and they’re such an amazing foil to Beth and Rio? 

can ships have foils? do i know what a foil is? 

unimportant

GUYS you dON’T uNDERStAN d 

hell i don’t understand

how absolutely very dare you make me care about YET ANOTHER set of gg ‘verse children

do not read this fic if you have no interest in feelings you zero percent asked for

wHA t hAPPeNED iN aLASkA?????????

A Moment’s Silence - femalegothic / @bethsuglywigs​

*makes sign of the cross*

y’all are gonna make me rediscover religion

extremely appreciate the author’s note approach to backstory top notch prioritization

listen it’s basically 3k of beth deep throating rio idk what more you need me to say about it

it is…..good stuff

bless the kinkmeme or fest whatever we’re calling it

praise - civillove / @blainesebastian​

I mean you had me at “three times rio calls beth a good girl and one time he really means it”

ephemeral rio

I left that note for myself in here in the middle of the night and haven’t the foggiest what i was thinking but i stand by it none the less

okay okay i think i know what i meant, this fic (as do all of my fav civillove brio fics) has this sort of like, liminal, in the quiet moments feel to them that makes the moments and feelings somehow feel like i’m catching a glimpse of something secret and precious???

idk i just really like it okay

Heart and Soul - riosnecktattoo / @riosnecktattoo​

oh look more unbearably sweet domestic tenderness, this time to music

thank you ma’am for my life

rio remembers beth used to play piano and gets her one and revoltingly cute shenanigans result

also hilarity

and sexiness

this fic has it all, truly

shout out to mick who sees no reason to keep rio’s feelings to himself

good girls tumblr fic - prettylittlementirosa / @hypermania​​

cheating and reccing a whole series

It’s my list and i can do what i wanna

stop crying about it, it’s four fics and they’re all AMAZING absolutely impossible to pick a fav

truly flawless characterization, next level ability to capture evocative mood, cannot get enough

three’s a crowd: who knew ballroom dancing while dean watches and grinds his teeth could be so sexy 

(trick question everything about that premise sounds A++++ and boy howdy does it live up)

feel it on the way home: rio tries to break up with beth, it goes about as well as you’d expect

(thE angSty tenSioN)

i want to play the game: [from the floor] i’m still not ready to talk about it

(rio/turner, missing scene, 10000000% a taste of what went down in that hotel room)

june after dark: pitch perfect annie pov, really really love the take that Annie is the baby whisperer, can’t fully explain why but it feels incredibly right

(ANNIE X NANCY COULD WORK SO WELL YOU GUYS)

[smythebros]

challenge #54: twinkle lights

Written for SeblaineSundays. 

word count: 1338 Rating: G 

Genre: slice of life? Honestly this is the first time I’ve written fanfiction outside roleplaying and I wanted to do something sweet rather dirty considering I’m known for writing dirty stuff.  Forgive me I’m bad a dialogue and it was like 2am when I wrote this.  Basically just be gentle with me. 

Sebastian and Blaine set up Christmas in Sebastian’s apartment.  Set firmly with @blaine-d-anderson‘s version of the character and in that verse. 

New York at Christmas was always a magical time for the city and it tended to be a tell tale sign wasn’t a proper new yorker if they told you otherwise but despite that simple fact Sebastian had never officially celebrated Christmas in the city, at least not officially in a way most people would.  Every year prior to this one, Sebastian hadn’t bothered to decorate his apartment or even buy a Christmas tree? He wasn’t a grinch by any means but he just had never seen the point if you were gonna take it all down later and between having a few epic parties for Halloween and New Years. It just hadn’t felt practical for his life.

Of course one should never underestimate the impact one Blaine Anderson would have on your life. It was the first Christmas after Blaine and Kurt’s divorce and the first Christmas since Sebastian had run into Blaine at a certain halloween party that had led to them sleeping together and had finally led to them becoming something more of permanent fixtures in each other's life beyond being facebook friends after the years.  It had been an utterly intense night between them but the days and times after Sebastian had felt himself giving more and more space in his life to Blaine, even if they never spoke actual words to what the relationship was. Sebastian had never been particularly good at having that conversation.  He kept telling himself that it was way too soon for Blaine’s whole marriage to be tied down to anyone anyway in any real official capacity. The idea to actually spend Christmas together hadn’t ever been discussed either, it had simply happened. Sebastian had no desire to spend it with his father and Blaine had seemingly been free for the holiday- which, Sebastian suspected might have been a little white lie on his part, but why call him on it?

The snow fell slowly and leisurely outside the large glass walls of Sebastian’s expensive apartment that overlooked central park, you could barely see the sun though the grey and cloudy sky. The sound of jangling lights and a few annoyed, frustrated sounds come from the taller boy as he stood in front of the black synthetic tree that was proudly displayed- if currently naked-  a little ways from him in the corner of the room.  It had been a bit of a back and forth between him and Blaine about what sort of tree to get with Sebastian pulling every para-legal move he could to argue that dragging a real seven foot Christmas tree up to his apartment was a disaster waiting to happen. Who knew that law degree would come in handy for winning such a thing? 

“I’m pretty sure the store sells them like this just to cause misery to everyone everywhere. Bloomingdale’s is secretly a portal to hell, this is literal proof.” Sebastian muttered as his fingers slipped through another tangled loop to try tug them apart as he gazed down at Blaine who was opening the sparkly tinsel in front of him. Any real frustration Sebastian had did seem to melt away at the sight of Blaine dressed in his adorable two piece black silk pajamas looking more like someone out of the 50’s than anyone modern, yet his hair was still gelled in place, apparently Blaine’s gel didn’t a holiday break - not on this one nor any other. 

“It might explain the black Friday lines they have actually.” The shorter boy’s voice floated back at Sebastian as he narrowed his eyes in the air as if he was giving that thought some serious consideration before they fell back onto Sebastian, who was only dressed in a pair of tight black boxers since apparently the idea of any modesty at all was lost on the other. It might have been the total opposite to Blaine’s style but perhaps that was what the attraction was, Kurt felt like someone who was closed off and particular about how everything, including their relationship, was.  Every choice had already been made in Kurt’s head without ever really making a proper effort to include Blaine in any of those choices.  Sebastian was someone who, despite his charming smile and dirty mind actually made an effort to make him feel like he had a metaphorical seat at the table when it came to choices. Even on dumb holiday plans like this. There’s an easy laugh from Blaine as he tilted his head down as Sebastian gave another louder groan as he tugged the end of the lights from the box to only to discover a whole mess of more tangled lights.   Blaine’s fingers curl around some of that silver tinsel as he pushes off the ground to close the distance between himself and Sebastian, his hand raising as he loops the tinsel around the taller man’s neck.  “All right I’m only gonna say this once, Mister Smythe. You gotta breath. Your first Christmas is going great. I mean, short of christmas cookies in the oven it’s kinda perfect but that seemed like a lofty request on my part.” Blaine pointed out as he tilted his head back to meet those piercing green eyes. 

There was a deep sigh from Sebastian as he let the tangle web of twinkie lights drop to the fall on a heap and instead his fingers found Blaine’s hip as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The touch is already so intimate and natural between them, easing the other against him. “I actually have no idea how to make cookies- I feel like that’s a failing on my part.” Sebastian shot back with his usual mischievous look as he gave an easy little click of his fingers before he dropped his head forward with a little brush of his tongue along his lower lip. 

“ Listen, I just...wanted it to be...special. I guess.”  There were about a thousand things left unsaid. Special after Kurt, after everything in high school, special after all missed years from each other's life.  Most days Sebastian always tended to be someone who showed his affection and his love for someone though actions- be it sex or otherwise but he’d never tried something so...big for someone before, if the mile of broken hearts and one night stands that could literally circle the island of manhattan if you lined them up-  and if if didn’t go perfect. What was the point of it in his mind? 

“It is.” The reassurance from Blaine was like a calming balm and like someone had turned on a light in a very dark room all at the same time. Sebastian’s head tilted up to stare down at the shorter boy’s stupidly bright, adorable disney eyes and wide smile. Him and Blaine had shared quite a few kisses during their...undefined time to together but  there was still a lot of firsts that they hadn’t had and has Sebastian leaned forward to sink his lips against the shorter boys, there was another first,  the kiss was deep and indulge but it wasn’t sexual- it was like Sebastian was trying to bottle all those emotions into a single kiss.  It was the sort of kiss that made time stop in movies, the sort of kiss that would make Anne Hathaway leg pop. The sort that made Blaine breathless when it finally ended, even as Sebastian’s forward dropped against his with a small smile. 

“So, when are you gonna let me teach you how to make cookies?” Blaine’s voice danced over at him, full of affection as his hand reached up to cup Sebastian's neck. 

“Well, now we’ve got plans for Christmas day..” Sebastian answered as he felt like the sun was going to explode out of his chest. He never wanted to not have this with the man in front of him.

Not for this Christmas Day, nor any year after. This is what he wanted, and always would.

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)

[iredreamer]

Why do you think the sex scenes could have been better? I guess they were short and didn't show much of the actual sex. I'm hoping as well we'll see them or at least have it implied that they're naked in bed in s2. As I don't think that happened in real life till after they were married I'd say that's pretty likely!

I said “better” but I don’t know if that’s the right word because the scenes we got are beautiful and meaningful in so many ways.

Sex was a very big part of AL’s life. We did see glimpses of it that showed us what AL was like with her sexual partners, what was the dynamic they had and what “role” she played, and I liked how the sex scenes with Ann Walker were different from the ones with Mariana or Mrs Barlow, reflecting the seriousness of AL’s relationship with AW… but the show didn’t focus at all on how much AW wanted Anne “near” for example, and we never got a big epic romantic sex scene after their reunion and, honestly, I missed that. That’s something I wanted to see and to have. Like, we had the “first time”, we had the “sad sex scene”, where is the big romantic sex scene? Can you imagine how romantic and intense their first time together, after not seeing each other for months, must have been? Can you imagine Anne being so so so loving after finally knowing that Ann wanted to marry her? Giving herself completely to Ann without reserves (I mean emotionally, not just physically)? I’m just sad we never got that.

From what I’ve read, in real life it was quite a big deal that Anne didn’t want to get naked with Ann without a commitment first – the reason why she didn’t want to do it can be discussed – the point is that it happened, but in the show this thing is never addressed. Even if we see them both naked in bed in s2, plotwise it will not mean much because the show never focused on the Ann(e)s’ sex life anyway. We know what happened in real life, and that’s why we can speculate on what we’re gonna see, but what is not shown or told or implied in the show (i.e. that the reason why we never saw them naked in bed was because AL didn’t want to) can’t be really addressed in future because it’s not really there for the viewer in the first place.

I don’t know if I answered your question and I don’t know if this makes much sense but… :)

[heyyyharry]

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

(from the Couple in Flat 102 Series)

…in which Y/N discovers a terrible truth, and Harry‘s proposal ring is stolen.

Something awful happened to me today so I sat down I wrote for two hours straight to finish this chapter because I needed to feel happy even if it’s only in fiction 😤

Hear that? Wedding bells are ringing.

wattpad link

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Harry was very protective of the women in his life — his love Y/N, his mother Anne, and his sister Gemma; sometimes too protective (which couldn't be mentioned enough). But he was not the one to blame, he'd grown up being the only man in the family and therefore had always pressured himself to be the one who kept his loved ones safe and well taken care of.

So it was pretty normal that he got extra concerned every time his sister started a new relationship. Whenever that happened, he insisted on meeting the guy Gemma was seeing, just to talk, like civil men; and if the dude was a total scumbag, then he'd have to try to get rid of him, without throwing any punches of course.

This time was no exception. Gemma had moved back to London recently because she'd been seeing someone here for about a month now. Harry had never met him, but she'd shown him the photos, and that day they would meet for the first time at Harry's flat.

"When are they gonna be here?" Y/N asked with her arms wrapped around her boyfriend's waist from behind while he was making coffee for the two of them.

"Soon I think," he replied, checking the time on his watch. "I can't wait to meet this man, she told me all kinds of things about him."

"Good or bad things?"

"Good." Harry unwrapped her arms around his torso to hand her the coffee cup. "That is why he's so suspicious. No man is that nice."

"You are." Y/N bit back a smile as she watched one formed on her boyfriend's handsome face.

"You're such a flirt." He snorted, grazing her sides gently. "But I'm serious, you can never be too cautious. They had only known each other for a few days before they got together, not like us."

His relationship with Y/N had now become a parameter for the other relationships he knew, because of course, he was proud of what they have, it was the best thing that had ever happened to him honestly.

"You know, I actually agree with you this time." Y/N rolled her eyes. "Remember when I told you Ben just started dating his co-worker last week?"

"Oh, yeah, how are they?"

"I know nothing about the guy, not even his name! Well, Ben did show me a photo of him before they got together, but that's it, nothing else besides the fact that Ben's obsessed with him!" Y/N paused to blow into her coffee and take a sip, furrowing her eyebrows. "I mean, he's practically planning their wedding inside his head and rarely hangs out with me anymore. I'm happy for Ben but I think he's moving too fast."

"Right? I feel like people are just rushing into relationships nowadays." Harry scoffed while shaking his head. "They should all learn from us."

Y/N snorted when she hear what he said. "You mean they should all keep their feelings to themselves, pretend they hate each other then only confess when they feel like they might lose the other person?"

"No!" Harry laughed, though his girlfriend had just accurately summed up their whole relationship in one question. "They should get to know each other well first, every good relationship starts with a good friendship."

"I love how you've only been in one serious relationship and you're talking like an expert now. That's hot." She smirked and leaned in to kiss him on the mouth because he kept biting his lip and for that she couldn't help herself anymore.

Harry cracked a smile when his girlfriend pushed him a step backward, so she could set the cup down on the table behind him to hold his face, putting more pressure into their kiss. Oh she definitely wanted him.

"What are you doing?" Y/N sighed in frustration as he pulled away, and when Harry brought his hands to cup her cheeks, she had to open her eyes and look at him.

"As much as I'd like to see you bent over on this table..." Harry groaned and gently tucked her hair behind her ear. "I don't want my sister to hear us having sex...again."

"I'm still mad at you for the last time." Y/N pouted as she recalled the Christmas they spent with his family. "We were at your mum's house and you couldn't keep it in your pants!"

"I told you to be quiet, didn't I?" He chuckled, receiving an eye-roll from Y/N who couldn't say anything else because it was true. She couldn't be quiet, not with him, ever.

The doorbell rang at last, so Harry kissed his girlfriend on the cheek and promised he'd make it up to her later. Y/N followed him outside to answer the door. To be honest, she was also curious about the person Gemma was dating. Y/N had only seen one of his photos and she didn't even remember what he looked like. What was his name again? Joel? Joey? Joseph? Well, whatever it was, he sounded like a real deal according to Gemma, so Y/N could see why Harry was so eager to find out if this man lived up to these expectations of him.

"Hey, kids! Sorry we're late, traffic was terrible!" Gemma sighed with a smile when she entered and gave her brother and his girlfriend a hug. "So, here's my boyfriend Joe. Come in, babe."

Joe appeared at the door wearing a massive grin on his face and went in for that handshake with Harry. The man's politeness and good-looks had really impressed the protective little brother, you could see it in Harry's reaction. Y/N, however, was the opposite. She knew she didn't have a very good memory, she tended to forget a lot of things (except for Harry's mistakes), but this time she was sure she wasn't wrong.

That man, Joe, Gemma's new boyfriend, was the same man Ben was dating.

.

.

.

"Coffee, tea, water?" Harry asked the two guests, who were now seated on the sofa in the middle of the living room.

"Coffee please," answered Gemma and Joe quickly said he'd have a cup as well.

"I love coffee," he added.

Of course he does! Y/N thought as she had her eyes fixed on this man, or should she say, this liar!

Ben had told her a few days ago that his boyfriend was obsessed with coffee. They'd got to be the same person. All she needed to know now is the name of Ben's boyfriend's. He always referred to the guy as 'the guy I like' then later on 'my boyfriend', but never by name. If his name was also Joe, then we'd got a big problem over here.

Y/N quickly excused herself to go make a call then left the flat before anyone could say anything else to her.

"Where's Y/N?" Harry asked when he returned with the drinks and joined his sister and her boyfriend on the sofa.

"She went out to take a call," answered Gemma as she looked a bit bewildered. "She's been acting so weird since we arrived. Is everything fine between you two?"

"Yeah, better than fine!" Harry shrugged. "Before you got here we were about to—"

"Harry!" Gemma quickly held up a hand to stop her brother from finishing that sentence. "I don't want to hear details about your sex life."

"Jesus, Gem, we don't have sex all the time," Harry argued, making Gemma raise an eyebrow and her boyfriend burst into laughter.

"Yeah, you do! The last time—" Gemma swung her arms all of a sudden, causing her elbow to bump into her boyfriend's hand causing him to spill black coffee onto his white button up shirt.

"Arghhh!"

"My God, I'm sorry, love! Are you alright?!" Gemma covered her mouth as her boyfriend jumped away from the sofa.

"I'm fine, but my shirt..." He sighed, eyes on the stain which doubtlessly couldn't be washed off immediately. "Man, I've got this appointment in two hours and I'll be late if I return home to change."

"Oh, I can lend you one!" Harry rose from the sofa. "I'll go get it for you."

"No, it's fine, you stay here, I'll go."

"Okay, the bedroom's over there, just pick one from the closet."

"Thanks mate. I very appreciate that," said Joe as he gave Harry a smile and Gemma a kiss on the forehead before leaving. Once he was gone, Gemma gave Harry a look, which he couldn't just ignore.

"What?"

"You were actually being nice to my boyfriend."

The little brother scoffed as he heard her. "You're making me sound like I'm such a terrible person."

"No, no you're not. You're my wonderful baby brother." She giggled and pinched his cheek.

The atmosphere in the living room was in contrast to Y/N's anxiety in the hallway. Ben didn't pick up the phone, and now Y/N remembered he was on a camping trip with his family and there was probably no signal there. He'd be back in two days, so she left him a text instead; but as always, Y/N got impatient, and decided to do the research on her own anyway. The best way to do so was through social media.

This should be easy, she thought.

Well, bad luck for Y/N, that guy didn't have an Instagram or Facebook, so he was either living under a fake name or under a rock. He could be a spy for all she knew! Well, there was nothing else she could do right now but to be patient and wait for Ben's reply while keeping this as a secret for now. If Harry found out, he'd definitely murder the guy for breaking his sister's heart, even when Y/N hadn't got a solid proof other than her own memory.

Y/N was about to return inside when the door was opened and Gemma stepped out with her boyfriend, or Ben's boyfriend. This is confusing.

"Are you guys leaving?"

"Yeah, Joe's got a meeting soon, we'll stop by another time," Gemma replied, pulling Y/N into a hug. "Goodbye love. Have a great day!"

"You too."

Y/N watched the couple laughing on their way to the lift, like everything was fine. She couldn't blame Gemma for being happy with a cheater, Gemma didn't know. But did Ben know? No, that couldn't be, Ben was a good guy, he'd been cheated on before, he wouldn't do it to another person. Well, whatever it was, Y/N would find out.

"There you are!"

"Harry! You scared me!" Y/N gasped as she turned around to her boyfriend dumbfoundedly staring at her.

"What've you been doing out here?"

"Answering a work call."

That was the first time she'd ever lied to Harry in a month or so (the last being her telling him the new joke he'd invented was funny, it wasn't), she felt pretty guilty, but she was left with no choice!

Y/N was afraid Harry might suspect something was up so she quickly distracted him by wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Now that they're gone..." The corners of her lips turned up as she whispered softly into his ear, "...wanna bend me over on the table?"

"Fuck. I love you." Harry breathed, firm hands gripping her hips and pulling her back into their flat. His lips were already attached to her neck as soon as the door had been locked behind them.

.

.

.

Two days after his sister's visit, Harry found out something valuable was missing.

It was a regular Sunday and out of the blues, Harry decided to check on the proposal ring he'd been keeping in the bottom drawer in his and Y/N's shared closet, probably because they had been watching 'My Best Friend's Wedding' last night and he was just in the mood to think about weddings.

But as soon as Harry reached his hand inside, his heart stopped beating and his entire body turns to stone. He threw out all the old clothes in the drawer, desperately searching with the hope that the little box got stuck somewhere in the piles. He was just not that lucky, not today.

Harry rarely freaked out, it was Y/N's job, but now his mind was blank and the only sound he could hear was his internal voice screaming 'shit' repeatedly.

There was only one person he could call for help.

Niall.

"Are you sure you've kept it here this whole time?"

"Yes, when we first moved in I put it in that drawer myself! Now it's gone!" Harry put both hands on his hips, trying to catch his breath as he hopeless looked around the room and then at Niall. He just hoped Y/N didn't happen to find the ring because if she did, his entire proposal plan would be ruined.

"Well." Niall raised an eyebrow. "Why'd you think it'd be a good idea to keep something as valuable as a ring in a drawer?"

"Jeez, Niall, I'm sure keeping it in a safe would not be obvious at all!" Harry swung his arms in the air, laughing sarcastically. "Besides, it's the only place Y/N never looks into."

"Are you guys talking about me?"

"Jesus Christ!" Harry almost shouted when he heard his girlfriend, who was standing right at their bedroom door. Lucky for him, she hadn't been there long enough to hear more than she was allowed to. His suspicious reaction to her showing up, however, let her know he'd been up to something. He and Niall were definitely keeping a secret from her.

Y/N crossed her arms, glaring at them both. "Spill it or I'll make you."

"I don't know what you're talking about, love."

"Oh please!" She scoffed. "You nearly had a heart attack when I came in here. What's going on?"

The two men exchanged looks, hoping silence would just send Y/N away, but she was persistent, and apparently not leaving until she received a decent response.

"You didn't open this drawer, did you?" Harry finally asked, and she didn't hesitate to shake her head no.

"We keep only old clothes in there, I can't even remember the last time I checked what was inside."

Harry gave his best friend an 'I-told-you-so' look, then turned back to his girlfriend. "Has anyone been in our room lately?"

"Not that I know of." She shook her head, squinting her eyes at him. "Are you looking for something?"

"Of course not!" Harry nearly jumped in reaction to that inquiry. He was such a terrible liar; his lying skill had gone down tragically ever since the beginning of their relationship, and now he was not sure if it was a good thing anymore.

"Well, if you are, I can help you find it," Y/N said with a shrug. "Just tell me what it is."

"It's something belongs to Niall." Harry quickly pointed to his best friend, who was looking as puzzled as ever, yet he played along because one should always support their best friend in all circumstances.

"Yeah, something very personal," Niall lied. "I don't want you to know."

"Are you sure?" Y/N raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend and his best friend. "Because I can find mostly anything in this flat. Harry, on the other hand, starts whining every time something goes missing."

"That is not true!"

"Oh yeah? Last time you told me you lost your car keys and later I saw it in the fridge, so your argument is invalid," she told him before turning back to Niall. "So? Need any help?"

"We're grown men. We'll figure it out." Harry stepped up before Niall could speak for himself. The assertive look on his face almost makes Y/N burst into laughter.

"Right Niall?" Harry then nudged his friend for a confirmation and Niall quickly nodded to agree with him.

"Right!"

Y/N could either stay here and try to get an answer out of them, or she could just let them do whatever they want, until something blew up and they had to come asking for her help. She soon decided the latter was a better option.

"Okay, fine." She twitched her lips and gave them a shrug. "Make sure you grown men remember to take out the trash."

"Me as well? I don't even live here!" Niall shouted after Y/N when she left. She didn't respond to him as she closed the door on her way out, leaving them alone to deal with whatever crisis they refuse to let her know. She'd got a bigger problem to take care of anyway.

She'd just got off the phone with Ben last night, and he'd told her his boyfriend's name was Joe. So that was settled, the truth had been revealed, well, to Y/N at least, nobody else knew. Ben was obsessed with this Joe and she was pretty sure Gemma was too. She couldn't just tell either of them they were being cheated on on the phone, she needed to talk to them in person; Ben first. So now she was on her way to meet him.

Ben's first reaction to the news was quite predictable. He laughed, crossing his arms and leaning his back against the chair, looking quite amused. Of course he didn't believe her, there was no solid proof.

"I don't get you, Y/N. Before we started dating you were so supportive but now you're trying to convince me he's cheating on me."

"Because he is!" Y/N cried out. Thankfully, she'd got this all planned out, she'd managed to find that one photo of Gemma and her boyfriend in Harry's family group chat (yes, she's in there now, might as well brag about that). It'd taken her an entire hour to scroll up because Harry had sent a lot of irrelevant stuff in there, but she got it, the solid proof.

"Here."

"What the fuck?!" Ben grabbed her phone, gripping it with both hands and she could imagine fire coming out of his ears. She hadn't seen him this upset since his last failed engagement with that guy named Mark. Well...Poor Ben, the second he found a new happiness, the guy turned out to be a shithole as well.

"So what are you gonna do?"

"Does this girl know about me?"

"I...I don't think so. Besides, they've been together for a month now..."

"So I'm the third person here? I stole somebody else's boyfriend!" Ben exhaled, the anger in his eyes was washed away and replaced by sadness and disappointment. His drink hadn't been touched and Y/N supposed he was not going to finish it anytime soon when he stood up all of a sudden.

"Where are you going?" She asked, taken aback by the serious look on his face.

"I'm going to find that asshole."

"You don't know where he—"

"I know his place. You can come with me if you want or I'll come on my own and rip his head off."

Shit that doesn't sound good. Y/N widened her eyes and rose from her seat in a flash because Ben had already stormed out of the coffee shop. Without a second thought, she picked up her bag and ran after him.

.

.

.

"Harry!" Sage popped her head through the door gap and gave her neighbor a welcoming smile.

"Hey Sage, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure, but can you be quick, it's cold standing here like this, I'm about to take a shower and I'm not wearing anything."

It was not until now that Harry noticed a bit of her bare shoulder peaking out while the rest of her body was hidden behind the door. Harry immediately shifted his eyes to the floor, clearing his throat, thinking Y/N would kill him if she found out he came to talk to a naked Sage. Niall, on the other hand, found that situation hilarious.

"Were you in our flat yesterday?" He asked, pointing his thumb to his own door and Sage nodded right away.

"Yup, I was catsitting Treasure while you and Y/N were out."

Harry and Niall exchanged looks before turning back to the girl. "Did you go into our bedroom?"

"No, why would I?" She squinted her eyes at him in confusion. "Wait, are you accusing me of something?"

"No, no, of course not! It's just...I lost something and I was wondering if you happened to—"

"To steal it?! Are you calling me a thief, Harry?"

"No! Sage, look, I—" Before he could finish this sentence, Sage cut him short by slamming the door right in front of his nose.

That didn't go well at all, now his neighbor was offended and his ring was still missing.

"She seemed suspicious to me," said Niall as he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I can't just ask her to let me in and search her flat."

"Sure you can. If you want to come in, she'll invite you in in a heartbeat. She answered the door naked when she heard your voice, mate!"

"Don't tell Y/N, she'll murder me," Harry said with a smile, which turned into a frown as he remembered about the ring.

"Who else was in your flat yesterday or the day before that?" Niall's question suddenly rang the bell in Harry's head.

"My sister and her boyfriend visited us two days ago and he went into our bedroom." Harry's eyes and mouth were opened wide now that the pieces were falling into place. "Shit, Niall, do you think he stole the ring?"

"Jeez, that's a rough accusation, H."

"Only one way to find out." Harry chewed the inside of his cheek as he pulled out the phone and dialed his sister's number.

Gemma picked up after about five seconds. "Hey, what's up?"

"Gem, are you with Joe right now?"

"No but I'm on my way to his flat, what is it?"

"Can I come too? I need to talk to you two about something, and get my shirt back."

"You don't need to do that, we'll come to you."

"No! I'm not home! Just text me the address I'll be there."

"Okay..."

Harry ended the call before his sister even got the chance to say goodbye, and turned to see Niall with uncertainty written on his face.

"Are we really doing this?" He asked Harry.

"Yeah, c'mon, you're coming with me."

"I'm too sober to join a fight, Harold."

Harry couldn't help but laugh as he heard his best friend. "Nobody needs to get hurt. I'm just gonna ask him politely, maybe pretend to go to the bathroom to search for the ring, but we're not gonna hit someone."

"On second thought." Niall chuckled as he thought. "If he really steals your ring and Gem finds out, she'll be the one to kick his ass."

"Yeah." Harry nodded, sighing contently. "I love my sister. Now let's go."

.

.

.

The lift door opened and Ben stormed out, followed by Y/N as she tried to catch her breath and begged him to slow down, because she couldn't catch up in those heels.

"Is he even home though?" Y/N asked once they reached his door but no one came answer when Ben rang the doorbell.

"Not yet apparently, but he told me he was coming home."

As soon as that sentence was finished, a text from Joe popped up on Ben's screen, it said he'd got an emergency call and wouldn't be back until tonight.

"Jeez, this asshole is good." Y/N's comment was entirely ignored by Ben.

"So we'll wait here then," he asserted, looking determined as he crossed his arms.

Y/N dropped her jaw immediately in shock. "Seriously? You're gonna sit here the entire day?"

"I need to beat him up, Y/N. He's a fucking cheater."

"Ben, darling, he's not worth your time, just call him and break up with him to get this over with. I'll talk to Gemma later, you're better than this."

Ben thought for a moment with his eyes glued to his feet, but just as he opened his mouth to say something, the lift arrived, causing both heads to turn with the hope that it was Joe.

It wasn't though, instead Harry and Niall stepped out.

"Y/N?" Niall asked and Harry had the same look as his girlfriend, absolutely startled.

"What are you and Ben doing here?"

"What are you and Niall doing here?"

There was a long pause of silence, each side was still waiting for the other to give them the answer, because they couldn't give their own. Y/N had made Ben promise her not to tell Harry because he'd got a bad-temper; and Harry and Niall certainly couldn't say half a word about the proposal ring that had gone missing. The silence therefore remained, until the lift door opened again.

This time, it was finally Joe, with Gemma by his side. Of course he'd lied about not coming home until tonight! Y/N should've guessed. But before anyone could react to this unusual 'coincidental' meeting in front of Joe's door, Ben stormed straight to his cheating so-called boyfriend to deliver a hard slap, right across his face, causing everyone to gasp in shock.

Gemma held onto Joe's arms to keep him on his feet and she was just as frightened as the rest of them.

"Who the hell are you?" She asked Ben, who stepped forward and pointed a finger to the cheater's face.

"Apparently, this asshole right here is dating both of us."

"What?" Gemma widened her eyes, cringing in disgust as she stepped away from Joe. Harry and Niall both turn to Y/N, who had her face buried into the palms of her hands, as if it could help her disappear.

"Did you know about this?!" He asked and all she could respond was a slight nod to admit the fact that she had the truth hidden from him that whole time.

Y/N expected Harry to kill Joe right on the spot, but before the thought even crossed his mind, it was Gemma who kneed Joe right in the nuts, causing everyone to shouted at the same time when he dropped down on his knees, holding his crotch in pain.

"Told ya," Niall leaned in to tell Harry, who was still too in awe to come up with a proper thing to say.

"We. Are. Over!" Gemma screamed at her now ex-boyfriend and forsook everyone without one look back, followed by an infuriated Ben as they both entered the lift together.

Harry nearly chased after them, but Y/N told him he should let his sister calm down before attempting to comfort her, to which Harry kind of agreed. He'd check on Gemma later, there was still one left unfinished business over here.

"So it was you who stole the ring, wasn't it?! You fucking liar!"

Joe was still groaning in pain on the floor so he probably hadn't heard that question, but Niall, as well as Y/N had heard it loud and clear.

"Ring? What ring?" Y/N grabbed Harry's shoulder to spin him around so they were face to face.

"Niall's ring," Harry lied, it was not the best excuse but it was the best one he could think of at the moment.

"Niall doesn't wear a ring." Y/N scoffed.

So Niall, being a good friend, jumped on board to defend Harry.

"Yes I do!"

"Oh yeah? How about I call Layla to ask her?"

When his girlfriend's name was brought up, Niall knew there was no other choice but to surrender.

"Okay, fine, it's not mine."

Harry rolled his eyes, now left with no choice but to tell her the truth.

"It's one of mines."

"But you have all your rings right here." She took his two hands to check each finger carefully, which left a smile on Harry's face. She remembered every single detail about him, which was why he loved her so much and he was not giving up until he saw that ring on her finger.

Ignoring Y/N's question, Harry turned back to Joe, who had managed to stand up on his own two feet, still the grimace on his face let the others know he was in a lot of pain. Gemma had gone hard on that one hit apparently.

"Did you steal the ring or not?" Harry repeated the question, only louder this time.

"What ring? I didn't steal shit, you people are all insane."

"You're lucky I haven't punch you for cheating on my sister, you asshole, did you steal the ring?"

"No! Jesus, I don't know any ring!"

Harry was very close to throw that punch when a door nearby opened. Surprisingly, Sage walked out, looking as stunned to see her acquaintances here as they were to see her.

"Wow, it's like everyone we know is in this building!" Niall chuckled but nobody else laughed along.

Sage immediately hid both hands behind her back when she'd become the center of attention, and Joe took that opportunity to escape into his flat in a blink of an eye. They let him go, nobody needed him anymore because Harry thought he'd found the cause to his not-so-tiny problem.

"Hey guys...What are you doing here?" Sage faked a smile, her voice was shaking when Harry approached her, which gave away the fact that she'd got something to hide. "I'm here to visit my grandma...but I should get going now..."

"Sage, show me your hands."

"Harry..."

He raised both eyebrows at her, lips pressed in a firm line, and the assertiveness in his eyes had her weak. She slowly offered him her left hand with her head hung low; and just like what he had expected, the ring was sitting nicely on her ring finger.

Niall's mouth fell open, whereas Y/N finally realized what was going on here. That was what he'd been hiding from her the whole time, he's got a proposal ring! She honestly didn't know what to feel to find out like this.

"I'm sorry..." Sage trembled with her face screwed up. "I tried it on and I can't take it off...I swear I didn't steal it."

Harry shut his eyes, sighing. He was more mad at himself than he was at his neighbor. Well, at least he'd found the ring, getting it off Sage's finger should be a piece of cake.

"Niall?" Harry turned back to his best friend, who somehow knew exactly what he needed to do.

"I've got lube in the car, maybe that'll work."

"Why do y—"

"Don't even ask, Y/N, you won't like the answer," replied Niall as he quickly walked away and the rest followed him in silence.

.

.

.

Harry blamed himself for the ring incident today.

Sure it was Treasure who had opened that drawer (according to Sage), and Sage who had tried the ring on without his permission to have it stuck on her finger and had been too embarrassed to come forward. But it was Harry who had asked Sage to babysit his cat, it was Harry who had kept the precious ring in the drawer, it was him who took too long to give it to the love of his life. Now she knew about the ring, she'd seen the ring (ironically, on the hand of another woman), and no matter what he'd got planned for the proposal (whenever it was), it was no longer a surprise, therefore not special anymore.

And Harry had no one else to blame but himself.

"How's Gemma?" Y/N asked the moment Harry showed up at their bedroom door. She was sitting on their bed, working on their laptop and he had just got back from his sister's place. He had spent the rest of the day with her to make sure she was okay.

"She's okay," Harry confirmed as he pressed his lips into a small smile, placing both hands on his hips. "Ben took her shopping and they talked shit about Joe together, I think they're good friends now. I had to carry their shopping bags around but it was kind of fun."

Y/N let out a laugh and watched her boyfriend sit down on the mattress with his feet on the floor and back facing her. He was quiet for the next few seconds, probably finding it awkward to avoid speaking of the ring when he knew it was what both of them were thinking of.

Y/N closed her laptop then rose up on her knees to come hug him from behind; now she had him sitting between her legs and her front pressed against his broad back. Harry held tightly onto her hands on his stomach, leaning back a bit to rest their bodies against one another, both eyes shut tight. He'd like her to hold him like this forever if possible.

"It's okay," Harry spoke, replying to what he assumed she'd probably been wondering about but too afraid to ask. "I suppose you want to know about the ring."

Y/N hummed and he felt her nodding her head.

"How long have you had it with you?"

"Long before we moved in, kept it in that bottom drawer this whole time," he answered, pointing to the closet to show her.

"Well...when are you gonna give it to me?"

"When we're both ready."

"And when's that?"

"I don't know." His answer made both of them chuckle. "But I've got it all planned out in my head already, wanted to surprise you but I was such a failure."

"Hey." Y/N huffed as she moved away, making him turn to the side to look at her; so she cupped his cheeks between her palms and stared into his eyes. "I love you so much, you're everything I've ever wanted, H. I'm always ready to say yes, you just need to ask."

Harry widened his eyes at her, obviously not expecting her to say that, now his heart just kept on jumping and he didn't think it'd ever stop. Harry knew that wasn't exactly the romantic scenery to pop the most important question of his life. However, he'd been waiting for way too long, and if he kept on waiting, many more opportunities would pass him by. Right now, they were happy, and in love, and that was all it mattered.

After a couple of thoughts, he stood up to her surprise, taking a deep breath and pulled out the little ring box from his pocket. Y/N already knew about the ring and his plan to propose, so why was she shivering and struggling to breathe right now? She laid both hands on her chest, lips slightly parted when he got down on one knee on the floor. Just the sight of that could already get her teared up.

So this really happening. This is real.

"I would improvise a speech if I were any good at that," he began. "So I'm gonna save it for when we're at the altar and just get straight to the point...Y/N Y/L/N, will you give me the honor of being your flatmate for the rest of my life?"

That was Y/N's breaking point. She couldn't hold it in anymore. She burst into tears.

"Yes, absolutely yes, yes, yes, yes!" Y/N started sobbing in joy as she tackled him onto the floor, showering his face with kisses and she still felt like she wasn't showing him enough love.

Harry begged his girl to stop before she suffocated him and pushed both of them to sit up so he could take her hand and replace their promise ring with the new one, just like his promise to her at the airport when he left for that Japan internship.

They'd finally made it there.

"I'm sorry there's no candles or balloons or roses," he mumbled against her lips while kissing them, yet those things were the last thing she cared about at that moment.

"You could've proposed to me while I was on the toilet, it would still have been romantic."

"See?" Harry pulled a way a bit to wipe the tears on her cheeks while grinning lovingly at the girl he adored. "That is exactly why I want to marry you."

"Gosh." She heaved a happy sigh, staring at the shiny object which fit her ring finger perfectly. "I love you so much I'll just ignore the fact that Niall's lube was on this ring."

Harry tossed his head back as he burst into laughter the moment she brought that up.

"I've washed it like a hundred times, I promise," he said, pulling her into his arms as they whispered soft 'I love you's to each other, like they always did. This time though, Harry could finally refer to Y/N as 'my fiancé ', and if it was not her who was gonna keep him up tonight, the exciting thought of that was gonna do the job.

.

.

.

"Hey, mate, can you get me an Uber? My phone's dead and my friends are too busy having sex to answer the door," Ben said to Nam, the doorman as he huffed and rolled his eyes. "Ugh I could hear them going at it the moment I stepped out of the lift."

"Y/N and Harry, right?" Nam asked, pulling out his phone to book a car for the stranger. "I've seen you with them a couple of times."

"Yeah." Ben faked a smile. "Lovely but crazy kids."

"What was that?"

"What?"

Nam chuckled as he saw the confused look on the man's face. "I don't know, you just seemed bothered by something. I could tell you were trying to act against how you really feel."

"Wow, you barely know me but you sound like you've known me for years." Ben wasn't gonna lie, this conversation was starting to make him feel better about his shitty day.

"Well?" Nam raised an eyebrow, causing Ben to crack a smile, a genuine one this time.

"Ugh, I wish I could say you were wrong," he finally admitted. "It's been a bad day for me and...never mind, you don't want to hear about my problems anyway."

"This building is filled with lonely people, my friend." Nam gave him a shrug, leaning forward with his arms resting on the edge of the desk. "Who do you think listens to them oversharing their daily problems, hmm?"

"So you get paid for sitting here and listening to free gossip? Now I'm jealous of your job."

The conversation was cut short by a notification on Nam's phone and he told Ben his ride had finally arrived.

"Goodbye...for now," Ben said to the doorman, and with a smile he marched towards the slide doors, half of him wanting to stay and talk for a bit longer.

However, just as he was about to leave the building, the doorman called after him, "what's your name, stranger?"

He turned around, a massive grin shown on his face. "It's Ben."

"See you around, Ben. I'm Nam."

With that, the two men waved at each other and Ben headed out to his Uber waiting for him outside. That one smile lingered on his face on the rest of the way home.

[venus-says]

Round of Randoms #1 - Shorties

The one with the skeleton, the cat boys, and the card game.

Look who's back!

After a much-needed break to cool off from the Aikatsu marathon, here I again to delight the world with my unnecessary opinions. XD

You may be asking yourself, what is this? Well, I was thinking of what to do to come back to the blog, but still on my break mindset and I didn't want to get back to my regular stuff. So I thought about it and decided to get back to my roots and one of the reasons why I created this blog in the first place and went down on my anime list and see what was there that I could watch and bring to here. I've made a huge list of things, divided them into categories, and I'm planning to watch them in between the regular shows I comment here. I was lazy and pretty much only picked stuff that came out this year, but is still a somewhat diverse range of the usual things I talk about here.

Since I wanted something quick and easy to do at first I went with my "shorties" category that is composed of shows with a run time of 15 minutes or less per episode, and "one-shot" OVAs, in other words, things that I could watch on a single day with not much trouble. These are "reviews" of the entire season so they won't be as detailed, but that was never the point of these to begin with, If there's a show on my list that I have a lot to talk about I'll probably do it on a separate post.

Anyway, let's begin.

MYSTERIA Friends

Starting off is MYSTERIA Friends (or Manaria Friends in the original). This wasn't a show that was on my list actually, but once I saw that it was only 10 episodes of 15 minutes each and that both Yoko and Nana were voicing characters on this show I was "okay, I need to watch this now". I had no previous knowledge of anything related to this show and I was kinda excited to see what it was about, I don't know what I was expecting from it, but in reality, I got really disappointed.

Like, the show technically is gorgeous, I think that because of the shorter airing time they could pay more attention to the drawing and animation and you get stunned by the visuals. The soundtrack is also pretty decent, there's nothing exceptional aside of maybe the insert song Nana's character sings in one the episodes, but the general background music is pretty effective on putting yourself on that world.

With that being said, this is probably where the positives end. The show has no plot, which in itself it's not a problem, most of this short shows are episodic anyway and that's one of the charms of this type of anime, but in this case it's a problem because it just seems empty, the show seems to be trying to talk about inter-species relationships, but it actually never touches on that what gives this "empty media" vibe. This ties in with another problem that is the fact that this fantastic, magical setting has no purpose of being there other than aesthetics, I feel that the excuse of going "magic medieval" was we gonna show how this human and this half-demon can get along and bring peace and harmony to this world, but they never touch on the topic and it becomes pretty obvious that they only went with that route because the author has a thing for girl dragons.

Which ties in with my biggest problem, the useless ecchi. Honestly, the amount of ecchi they got to put in such a short amount of time is unbelievable, like, right on the second episode Grea is pain because she's molting, but the scene is shot as like she's having sex and the moans are more like pleasure moans rather than moans of someone who's in pain, and is just so uncomfortable, and to add more into this weirdness Anne steals the shed skin of Grea's tail and in the final episode she's smelling that like those pervs smelling on panties and IT'S SO AWKWARD. This threw me off so much, I think I only got through because the show was very short and I know the suffering would be very low, otherwise I would definitely have dropped it right on episode 2.

Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san

Honda-san was that show that I had always seen people commenting on and was very interested in watching since the beginning, but I never did because I'm lazy, so when I decided to do this I knew I had to put the show on the list and finally watch it, and that's a decision I definitely don't regret making.

Honestly, this show is so good. It's not that comedy that will let you laughing your pants off, but it doesn't mean that it ain't funny. It's mentioned in the show that the manga that originated from this anime was written by Honda-san himself about his experiences working on a bookstore, I don't know how truthful the stories are, but is this sense of "damn this really happens irl" that makes everything way much funnier and it is a true joy to watch. The anime isn't ambitious, I don't think it's trying to convey a message or make a commentary or anything, but this doesn't come as a detriment for the show, this anime didn't need any of that and they don't try to make it be about something big. It's just a wholesome show about life that is really comforting, especially if you're an adult that already had some experience with retailing.

What else do I have to say? I love the style, I love the soundtrack, I love the weird situation that happens, and the characters are just amazing, aside of Honda-san I love manager Armor she's lots of fun, and Chief Pestmask (who's VA is, look at that, Hikasa Yoko once again) who doesn't appear a lot, but when she comes she sure leaves an impression on you. This show did crush my fantasies of working on a bookstore someday, but I loved every second of it anyway. XD

Hey, Your Cat Ears Are Showing! Season 2

So when I heard Hora Mimi was getting a second season, I was both excited and apprehensive. This one of the rare short shows that have an episodic narrative but that has an overall plot to the whole thing, and I was quite satisfied with the ending of season 1, it was sweet and heartwarming as the rest of the series was and I really didn't think a second season was needed, thus I really didn't watch it while it was airing. But this was the perfect opportunity for me to finally watch it.

And this season was a very good surprise, it expanded on what the first season had built and it became three times gayer by giving Dong Dong and Jin Zhu partners, Jin Zhu partner being an Ear People but from another species, which made this season even more fun and cute. The final arc of this season where they established that Da Shu and Miao had met each other before the events of season 1 is probably the only thing I don't like about this sequel because on my eyes it looks silly, but I wouldn't call it a negative that renders the show. Hora Mimi remains a very adorable, heartwarming show that everyone definitely should check it out.

The Girl From the Other Side

Totsukuni no Shoujo was never on my radar for mangas so I wasn't aware of its existence. A few months back I saw someone reblogging gifs from this OVA on my dash and I got really intrigued by it, the aesthetic was kinda similar to Ancient Magus Bridge but it was darker and it had this antique style to it that made me fall in love instantly.

Since I don't know the manga, I'm not familiar with the characters and their stories, but even though I was in the dark I could grasp the concept without major difficulties because the characters are very expressive, and the music is very well used on passing to was what is going on with those characters. I thought an anime with no dialogue would be boring, but this OVA was very captivating, not just by its visuals but also by the narrative and the music that got me hooked from beginning to end. I feel like this is a very shallow review of the thing, but I don't think I'm smart enough to elaborate more on what to say about this show.

I'm not familiar with the manga and I don't know how things work there, neither I know if such style could hold up for an entire season, but I definitely wanna see more, and I'll definitely look up the manga if I can make my tablet work again someday.

Zenonzard THE ANIMATION - Episode 0

And to wrap up we have Zenonzard, which was another show that I wasn't aware of until I decided to do this thing and it's only here because the poster looked cool, and it was officially available on youtube with subs and no region locks so I thought, "why not?"

This is probably the weirdest of the bunch since it's a show based on a card game, and I haven't watched one of these in ages, and it's weird, but I was kinda into it? Like, I don't like that most of the girls in this show have ginormous breasts and this thing of a female coming to an apparently normal boy saying "I choose you" seems that it's going to backfire and will create a huge mess in the future, but as the episode was progressing I was getting more and more into it?

The plot doesn't seem as good, if they even have a plot. It does a crap job at explaining what this game is and how it works, and also the CG used for the monsters is horrendous. But it got me interested, it had some great music playing and I think this is what caught me the most, even though there's one song, that I believe is sung by Nanase who did voices for Aikatsu, that I feel like it was very misplaced. I also like the futuristic aesthetic, I'm a sucker for these things and I was pleased for the most part of it.

I don't know if this will become a thing, but if they actually release an anime and if they publish it on youtube like what they've done with this ONA/Special/Prequel? I may keep watching it. Which comes to as a surprise to me.

And this was the first Round of Randoms (provisory name) of this blog. I quite enjoyed doing this thing, I think I'm gonna keep doing it to always have something different and new around here. What did you think of it? Have you watched any of these shows? What are your opinions about it? Is there any show you have to recommend? And what's a good name for this new thing I'm trying to do? Thank you so much for sticking with me until the end, and I'll see you guys at another time.

[earwaxinggibbous]

10 Worst Hits of 2018!

I hate the 2018 hit list.

I hate all the artists we brought back. I hate all the new ones we got. I hate the fact that Lil Peep kicked the bucket without getting on the hot 100 but XXXfuckassaton got three hits. I hate that nothing off of Kamikaze reached the year end hot 100 despite it being one of the only good hip-hop albums that dropped this year. I hate that we’re all alive and that Tumblr has banned porn. But life goes on.

Bad hit songs. Bing bang boom.

Fair warning, I’m gonna be hitting a lot of trigger topics including abuse, pedophilia and rape.

10. Lucid Dreams - Juice WRLD

Before I say anything, can I just point out that ‘Juice WRLD’ is one of the absolute worst rap names I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Anyway, Lucid Dreams.

I feel like rap music has been having a lot of sad pathetic break-up songs lately. And this won’t be the last one, absolutely not. Pretty much everything about Lucid Dreams, much like a seizing, dying epileptic old man, is wriggling and frothing uselessly in a puddle of its own filth. With nothing to do but choke out on a mouthful of blood it can only try to scream weakly through a pool of foamy spit that’s settling towards the back of its throat. It’s sad in the same way that ASPCA commercials are sad, as opposed to how a good break-up song feels.

As Juice WRLD brokely copies the beat of Lil Uzi Vert’s smash hit XO Tour Llif3 from last year, and also randomly samples a song by Sting, he stumbles weakly through lyric after insipid lyric that sounds like it was written by a 13-year-old. I tried to find an example of specific bad lyrics but holy shit, I’d honestly be better off just putting the lyric genius page here, complete with verified translations of this lyrical xanax binge from our boy Juice WRLD himself.

It’s a break-up song, but it’s as whiny as one can get. With Juice WRLD claiming “evil girls have the prettiest face” (gag) and insisting the girl in this song “wants him dead”. His whimpery vocals don’t help any part of this droning septic tank that I can only describe as the closest similarity we’ll ever get between a song and the pokemon Muk.

Even the music video is just a shittier version of XO Tour Llif3, and while it’s honestly more interesting than the other 75% of rap videos, what does it really add? I can only imagine that whoever was directing it realized this song has literally nothing going for it other than the possibility that stoners and pill-poppers will mistake it for XO Tour Llif3 if they’re high enough and threw in some surrealist imagery with the excuse being that, well, it’s titled Lucid Dreams. 

Really the most egregious thing about this song is that, in the lyric genius page, Juice WRLD goes on some tangent about how popping pills isn’t cool and he was popping pills “before it was cool” and now kids are doing it. Hey Hi-C, you know these kids look up to people like you, right? Why not actually make a song about how doing drugs is bad instead of just offhandedly mentioning how you used to pop pills to, quote, “feel a-okay”? Not that I’m assuming you ever thought of that when you were writing this, most likely dosed up on a gallon of cough syrup.

Then again, I dunno if I wanna be preached to by the man who wrote a song titled All Girls Are The Same.

A lot of songs this year were underwritten and boring. Lucid Dreams isn’t the worst offender, but it’s definitely the saddest. And I don’t think it was sad the way ol’ Juicy Juice was intending. Personally, I’d rather just drink the kool-aid.

Blurgh... Muk cannot change you... Muk must replace you...

9. Meant to Be - Bebe Rexha ft. Florida Georgia Line

Is it bad that I honestly wasn’t sure who was the feature and who was the headline of this song?

Anyway, here we have Florida Georgia Line returning for another year of meathead bro-country crap and Bebe Rexha returning for another year of having literally no personality whatsoever with a song that has so little substance it may as well just be air.

I’ve never really extrapolated my thoughts on Bebe, mostly because she’s a complete and utter non-presence in every track she appears on. I honestly didn’t even realize she had a music career of her own, I felt like she just existed to feature on everyone else’s shitty music. What the hell is she gonna sing about besides the damn factory she was built in?

I’ve also never extrapolated my thoughts on Florida Georgia Line.

Here’s what I’m imagining their brains look like:

Yeah. So a combination between two walking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a literal sex robot. What can go wrong? Well. Everything.

With a title like Meant to Be, you’d think it’s about running screaming into a relationship because you know it’s gonna work. Not so, as it’s actually about staying relaxed in a relationship. We got time, right? At least that’s what like, 75% of it is about that.

Bebe seems more than ready to rush in and get sloppy, but you think Florida Georgia Line are 100% ready to enter a steady relationship with a dead person? I wouldn’t be.

The production is just a piano and some sad trap drums, so basically every other Florida Georgia Line song. It has nothing going for it other than maybe masturbating to the music video and Bebe’s sweet, sweet inflatable titties trying desperately to crawl their way out of her country girl flannel.

And that’s really it.

You tried.

(Or did you?)

8. Friends - Marshmello ft. Anne-Marie

Aww! They’re so cute.

Marshmello is kind of a cryptid to me. I never really understood the whole trend of producers and DJs wearing these weird things on their head. And part of me, well, all of me feels like Marshmello rides purely on quirkiness alone.

Look at him! He’s so wacky!

The production on this isn’t bad per se, other than this high-pitched squeal they drop into the final chorus, but it’s definitely not great and kinda has me wondering why Marshmello is basically producer of the year despite not doing anything much more interesting than all the other producers. At best he has a little bit more energy behind him.

Anne-Marie has apparently, allegedly existed before this year, but I have literally no recollection of any song by her. But if this song is anything to go by, she’s annoying and sucks.

Friends touts itself as “the friendzone anthem” and tries to be relatable to teenage girls who’ve had to friendzone a boy, and if I had to guess this is sort of in response to all the friendzone songs from 2016 like Treat You Better. This would be fine except 1. you’re two years late, 2. nobody wants to hear a friendzone anthem and 3. this song is the highest level of cuntiness anyone can comprehend.

Here’s the thing about the concept of the friendzone. Nobody sits around wanting to friendzone people. Nobody is chilling in their bedroom with their friends wishing they could have a friend who has a crush on them and then that friend is like “I like you” so they can be like “uhh we’re just friends”.

Which is why we don’t really need an anthem for it.

The friendzone sucks. It’s not even a real problem, dudes just make it a problem because apparently being friends isn’t good enough for them. Nobody wants to have a friend who’s crushing on them, nobody’s happy about that. And the catty Mean Girls tone that Anne-Marie takes to it makes it seem like she’s a strong independent woman trouncing on the hearts of men like some kind of TERF horse when really nobody feels that way when having to “friendzone” a person.

Plus judging by the lyrics, this guy is showing up at 2 AM in the rain. At some point you need to stop being friends when he starts obsessively stalking you, maybe a few words to consider would be R-E-S-T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G O-R-D-E-R.

Women have the right to see their male friends as just that. But nobody is proud of having to do it. It’s not a point of pride, it’s just a choice people make, like what shirt they wanna wear in the morning. Trying to sell it as some kind of bootleg female empowerment anthem is pathetic.

Also I swear to god she spells friends as “F-R-I-N-D-S” in the chorus.

“We’re just frinds, Deadmau5.”

7. Yes Indeed - Lil Baby and Drake

Who the good god damn is Lil Baby? I’d never actually heard of him until someone in my music history class gave us a presentation on Lil Baby and how cool he is. I’d literally never heard of the guy before, because I never really listen to any of these hits until the end of the year.

Turns out Lil Baby is just another mumble-rapper, this time jacking his style from Young Thug. Color me surprised, I guess. How come none of the mumble rappers I actually like came back this year? No Desiigner, no Lil Uzi Vert, no Lil Xan? No. Fuck you. You get Juice WRLD and Lil Baby, two of the worst rap names on the planet.

He’s on the list of rappers made famous by Drake, and Drake had a monster year this year. Even with me living in a hole I knew the impact God’s Plan had, but apparently all 25 of his crummy songs charted at some point. That is 25 monotonous Drake songs circulating through the radio stations, 25 Drake songs constantly weighing on the shoulders of the collective public, and 25 Drake songs even his detractors probably knew all the words to just through exposure. Even I’m sick of the guy, and I have Hotline Bling on my Google Play Music library.

Yes Indeed is honestly void of things to say about it. Drake is boring, Lil Baby has one of the worst voices in recent history I can think of, the beat is nothing, it’s just a nothing song. The only noteworthy thing about it is that Lil Baby references Pikachu, a big mistake, as Young Thug also referenced Pikachu on one of his first hits. Though I’ll admit a yellow car has more similarities to the electric mouse pokemon than diamonds do.

What bothers me about this song is less the song itself, as the song is a non-presence, but moreso that in a world where streaming has finally seeped its way into the Hot 100, we have come to the conclusion that this is what people want to hear. They wanna hear Yes Indeed. And I just don’t get it.

Also, “waah waah waah, bitch I’m a baby”. High art.

6. Te Bote - A whole shitload of people

I feel like Spanish reggaeton has been an on-and-off interest of the American public. But it really reached a head recently thanks to Despacito, which all Alexa memes aside, is a great fucking song. But the fruits of its labor have been less than impressive, from last year’s goat-screeching jam Mi Gente to whatever the hell this is.

It’s nice knowing that foreigners write music as shitty as we do.

The title, Te Bote, roughly translates to “I dump you”. But it can be read much harsher in Spanish as bote is often the verb people use to describe tossing out garbage. And boy, is this song... uh... you know.

I don’t like to barf out the word “misogyny” constantly just because, well, anything can be misogynistic if you look deep enough. There’s a point where even I, the ratty little feminist I am, just don’t care. But Jesus, referring to your woman as garbage in the most backhanded way is... wow.

But I’ll be honest, being an English speaking moron, I don’t care about the lyrics. My problems run much deeper than blatant misogyny and pettiness.

Namely that this song sounds like ass.

Te Bote has six artists on it. Six artists, and not a single one sounds good. Most of them are squealy. I don’t actually know who’s who except Ozuna and Bad Bunny. Ozuna is considered one of the worst Spanish artists of today, and I can see why, because he just straight-up sounds like the lovechild of Akon and Lloyd.

As for Bad Bunny, I was slightly more drawn in by him because he looks like a cross between Blackbear and Pitbull, and I dunno if he’s dropped any other better singles, but on this he straight-up sounds like Barney the Dinosaur. Not as much as Lil Yachty, but still. Most of the others sound like autotuned mice, but there’s one guy who tries some kind of low-voiced speed-rapping and it sounds weird and wrong. The production is nothing notable, and uses the bum, bum-bum drumline of literally every reggaeton and Spanish pop song including Despacito.

And I could forgive all of that.

But let’s look at this for a moment. Each artist has their own verse. That’s six verses. Six verses plus five choruses, one pre-chorus, an intro and an outro. And how much does that add up to?

Nearly seven minutes.

Seven minutes of the same beat. Seven minutes of basically the same kinds of singers. Seven minutes of misogynistic lyrics. Seven minutes of garbage, garbage, garbage. Imagine listening to this whole thing. There are people on this earth who have actually sat through this whole garbage song multiple times and thought, “yeah. I like this.” 

I mean of course Te Bote barely got any radio play, it’s nearly 7 minutes long with no breaks. So obviously some massive group of people had to be streaming it and listening to it by choice.

5. Taste - Tyga ft. Offset

Remember Tyga? He was one of the Young Money rappers that didn’t completely fall off after the 2000′s, along with Nikki Minaj and Drake. But after he put out $timulated, a song about how he fucked a 17-year-old Kylie Jenner but, in the words of Slim Shady, “look at her bush: do it got hair?”

we all dropped him, because that’s fucking gross. Kylie Jenner dumped him and is now dating someone else, I forget who because I don’t care. And with us having to deal with 6ix9ine I was comfortable leaving Tyga in the wastelands. 

Honestly? The only reason this song is even here is because it’s a return Tyga single. I’m not even mad about Freaky Friday, because like, whatever, it made me laugh like a stupid idiot, but this? We asked for this. A Tyga single in 2018, about nothing, with a nothing beat, and Offset still bragging that he’s the best member of Migos when that’s like being the twinkiest member of One Direction. And once again, people actively wanted to hear this song about nothing in a year full of songs about nothing that, at the very least aren’t by pedophiles.

I don’t even wanna talk about this anymore.

4. I’m Upset - Drake

Me fucking too.

Like I said, Drake dropped 25 songs on his new album Scorpion, and all of them became hits. The worst of which, in my opinion, being I’m Upset. Just look at that title. That’s how your father talks to you when you slam a window open with a baseball and he walks through the glass shards. 

This one has backstory, my favorite, longtime rival Pusha-T stated in some song that Drake actually had a secret child with a porn star and was planning on using that kid for like, an Adidas sponsorship or something. Which is fucked up. And at least part of that has been confirmed on Drake’s end, he did have a secret son with a porn star.

And then Scorpion and I’m Upset dropped. And it sucked. All of it.

The chorus of I’m Upset is weirdly catchy, but the beat is like every other Drake beat, Drake himself sounds about as upset as he can convey, which is very little, and it’s all just really really boring soundwise. When Drake goes on for long enough he begins to just sound like a bunch of bees. Bees, bees, bees, nothing but bees. And I’m tired of Drake bees! I’m sick of it! I don’t want anymore!

Anyway, lyrically the gist of I’m Upset is about how Drake doesn’t like paying alimony, and NO.

BAD DRAKE! BAD! BAD RAPPER! GO TO YOUR ROOM!

You do not get to be a world-famous rapper with fuckillions of dollars to your name and get to whine and bitch about paying alimony to your baby mama. You don’t get to roll on the floor whimpering about how your evil harpy whore of a porn star one-night-stand is (legally) receiving money from you to take care of the son that YOU ditched. 

You had 25 hits this year. 25. And you’re getting pissy because you have to pay and I quote fifty to a hundred thousand dollars child support. For you that should be nothing. You are practically drowning in money, and if you really don’t wanna pay child support you could, I dunno, raise your goddamn son instead of leaving him in the hands of someone who probably barely makes a fraction in a year of what you make in a month?

Look, say what you want about Eminem. At least he was a good father on record, and if he isn’t a good one in real life I’ll be very very shocked.

I’m upset too, Drake.

3. Roll in Peace - Kodak Black ft. XXXTENTACION

I fUCKING HATE KODAK BLACK

Might wanna consider writing stuff down, Kodes.

May I call you Kodes?

Anyway, Roll In Peace is the only song on this list that isn’t ACTUALLY in the Year End Hot 100, but I couldn’t just let it slide. Not when it’s a collab beween Kodak Black and XXX. Not when it sounds like ass and feels like being shot.

If Drake sounds like bees then Kodak sounds like mosquitos, right in your ear, in the deepest parts that can only be reached by one of those earwax slurping tools. The beat has that flute again, probably because it’s half of what made Tunnel Vision famous. (The other half being controversy of course.) X’s verse has like, two lines to do with the actual plot of this song. And what is the plot?

Oh, poor pitiful Kodak can’t roll in peace. Poor Kodak Black can’t have any time to himself! The media is just all over him and X for no reason whatsoever! He’s never done anything wrong, other than, oh I don’t know, the rape allegations? The abuse? Armed robbery? Assault? That one time X nearly killed a gay dude in prison for no reason other than the gay part?

Yeah, fuck you.

You can’t “roll in peace” because you don’t have the right to anymore. You are a bad person. And X, when he was alive, was a bad person too. Sure maybe he was claiming to be working on self-improvement, but the only way I’d believe it is if I saw it, and it’s too late for that now.

As long as you refuse to apologize, you will not “roll in peace”. As long as you don’t see that you have done something wrong and continue to blame it on systemic racism which is a very real thing that you continue to trivialize again and again so you can avoid your rape allegations, you aren’t allowed to have any peace in your goddamn fucking life.

You can’t try to deflect it on Lil Uzi who posts Satanic imagery on his Instagram despite wearing a Jesus piece. You don’t get to deflect. You get nothing, and you deserve to go broke and fuck off.

There’s a joke I can make, but it’s too soon.

2. Gummo - 6ix9ine

Oh, okay, I can do this.

Uh, Gummo is this really good movie directed by Harmony Korine about some kids in this town that was totally wrecked by a tornado. And after that everything’s in shambles, so these kids can just do whatever they wa...

Oh. Oh dammit.

GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD GOD IS DEAD.

So imagine you’re me looking at the Hot 100 for one of the very first times about a year ago, and you see a song titled after one of your favorite flicks of all time. And sure, it’s being sung by a guy who looks like a Lisa Frank condom, but god you just love that movie so much. And sure, Nicole Dollanganger has already made songs referencing that movie, but you want MORE.

Then you play it and it has literally nothing to do with it.

It’s loud and obnoxious and stupid and has a very clearly hispanic dude dropping the n-word like he fucking owns it. He’s just screaming these nonsense lyrics about nothing. And it’s not like I just don’t get songs with screaming. I have the entirety of Carcass’ Reek of Putrefaction on my phone. But this? This sucks. It sucks! The beat doesn’t fit at all and no matter how I look at it it wouldn’t fit anywhere else, and 6ix9ine’s flow is the death of all art. The only thing he can do, much like a child in a well, is scream and scream and scream and it’s horrible.

And trust me.

This was far before I knew of 6ix9ine’s baggage.

In case you don’t know somehow, this Rainbow Brite little fucker was actually convicted of filming a sex tape of a 13-year-old. While I don’t think he actually had sex with her, he was at some level sexually involved with her.

How did we respond? We gave the ugly fucker a hit. And his hit was this. Where he directly references his sexual involvement with this 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

He doesn’t give a shit. And he knows his fans don’t either. He continues to release low-effort garbage music, and in an interview about FEFE he even openly stated that he doesn’t put any effort into writing lyrics. He doesn’t try, he’s a bad person, and his blind fanbase continues to shower him in money like he deserves it. 

We’re idiots.

An awful song made by an awful person. The only way to hold a candle to it would be, well, an even worse song made by an awful person.

Anyway, dishonorable mentions.

FEFE - 6ix9ine ft. Nikki Minaj

This song sucks too. And Nikki Minaj should be ashamed for working with this fuckhead.

God’s Plan - Drake

I’m almost definitely a minority in absolutely loathing this song, but I can’t stand it. It’s not structured, there’s no flow to it, it just feels like a whole lot of nothing with no point. And while I will give it to Drake that throwing money at homeless people is a really good thing regardless of why he did it, it was still a super obvious publicity stunt.

Plug Walk - Rich The Kid

Boring.

Girls Like You - Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B

Also boring. My tolerance for Maroon 5 has lasted way longer than anyone else’s, but I think it’s about time we let them go.

I Like Me Better - Lauv

I’ll be honest, the only part of this song I really hate is the weird synth interludes. The singing is fine, the content is fine, it’s all the perfect level of mediocre without that violin fart synth. 

No Brainer - The ‘I’m The One’ crew, but we replaced Wayne with an actual baby

Really just an even less interesting version of I’m The One, but without Li’l Wayne. Also Justin Bieber kind of looks like a trucker now, and I hate to say it, but that’s the most attractive he’s ever been in my opinion.

Freaky Friday - Li’l Dicky ft. Chris Brown

I’ll be honest, I actually love this song. It’s funny to me, I mean, maybe I’m a simple-minded man, but a good dick joke can send me off the rails. But I’m still at least a little miffed that we’re letting Chris Brown have money, so it gets a mention.

Gucci Gang - Li’l Pump

It would be here if it wasn’t also a hit last year. Consider this a placeholder for any crossover hits I didn’t like, like Mi Gente, Perfect, Believer, and Sorry Not Sorry.

Let’s do number one. And if you know me, you know what this is. If you don’t, don’t just immediately get pissed with me when you read it. Okay? We’re good here? Alright.

1. SAD! - XXXTENTACION

So here’s a fun little sobstory for you. Less than a year ago, my boyfriend introduced me to this great artist. They were in a really oversaturated genre but doing something completely different with it, and I fell in love immediately with their dark topics, interesting production, cool music videos, and general aesthetic. And their name was not XXXTENTACION, it was Melanie Martinez.

Late last year she was pressed with a rape allegation, and one that couldn’t be proved either way. Desperately I scraped through the bowels of the internet in search of something that could disprove it and came back largely empty-handed and wounded. Because Melanie’s music meant a lot to me, and I do mean that. I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t sure what to do knowing that a person I’d based my own aesthetic, my own writing, my art, and my music on would do something like that. I tried to force myself not to listen to her music, but it just wasn’t possible. 

Over time the wound scabbed up and closed and I finally gave up and decided to split the art from the artist, feeling like at the very least I wasn’t directly giving her any money by downloading her music on Google Play. But I’ll still never be able to get back the way she used to make me feel.

So what I’m saying is, I get it.

I’ve actually gone and listened to a few of X’s songs on my own before doing this. And I put myself in the mind of me a year ago discovering a new artist without those preconceptions. And I felt it. I don’t know how, but I did. I felt it. I listened to Look At Me, and I felt like if I’d heard it before I knew what X had done, I’d probably love it. Sure the production is a fucking disaster but the lyrics are just the kind of shock rap that entertains me. The production on Moonlight is really interesting and while I didn’t think Changes was very good and kind of guilt trippy, I could definitely understand it.

But then I circled back around to SAD!

And I lost it.

Something about this song just kills all the good will I might have ever had for this kid or his fans. And really it’s all because of one line, and everyone probably knows what that line is already.

So according to lyric genius this line might not actually mean what I think it means and could potentially be referring to X’s friend Jocelyn Flores, who took her own life tragically. And though on X’s song about her and every time he addresses her he seems to make it all about himself, he really did seem wounded by it. He seemed like a wounded, mentally fucked-up person who needed help.

Except that this song is about Geneva.

The girlfriend he allegedly abused.

The girlfriend who was pregnant, who he abused, and judging by this line, who he is now performing the age-old manipulation tactic of threatening suicide if she ever leaves on. 

When I remove this song from context, there’s no way of excusing that line. The rest of it I can understand, and he really does seem emotional in the verses, and I know we’ve all been in a place at some point of being somehow spurned by a lover and still missing them in spite of it. But to threaten suicide if they try to leave is inexcusable.

His voice sounds fine, and the beat is once again stolen from XO Tour Llif3, but there’s a point where I can’t really care about it. Because children do listen to this kind of music. And along with Melanie Martinez, this song brings me back to when I was young and one of my favorite songs was What The Hell by Avril Lavigne. A song about cheating on your S/O and not seeing a problem with it. My sister and I would sing and dance to that song all the time, so much that I never really realized what it was about, or that there was anything wrong with it. Not until I was an adult and I looked back on it. And wouldn’t you know it, children can sing along to SAD! too.

I know X is dead. And I know it’s not my business to dictate how people should feel about things. Geneva deserves the right to be sad about X’s death, and she forgives him, even though I really don’t. But the way people have treated her especially after X died is inexcusable, and it’s in part because he wrote songs like this. He didn’t just manipulate her. He manipulated everyone. Every single one of his fans probably really did think he would kill himself if his girlfriend left her. And yes, X is on record having thoughts of suicide, I would never take that from someone.

I used to have a close friend who would feign a panic attack every time someone criticized him. It felt like he was threatening suicide once a week. And I always supported him because I cared about him. It was exhausting. I ostracized people because they knew he was a bad person. I shut people, good people, out of my life because they wanted to help, and I said bad things to them. Eventually we fell out and I was left cold and alone with nobody left to take me back, and I slugged through mud for a year just to pick myself back up.

I can imagine that’s kind of what being an XXXTENTACION fan is like.

And like me, with any luck, they’ll regret saying the things they did too.

That’s all for this year. I’ll get to the best when I have more energy, but now I just can’t.

[historyrepeatsitself-phff]

Chapter Sixty-Two

Emmy sat down silently beside Zara, hands gently pressed to her bump, and she listened to the conversation surrounding her. She was at Buckingham Palace, where Elizabeth was hosting a meal to celebrate Beatrice’s birthday the day before. Beatrice was sat beside her grandmother, smiling and remembering to laugh while at the same time looking half asleep. Emmy knew why – she’d heard that Beatrice had at a raucous night at Boujis the night before, and she was sure that Elizabeth would not approve of her married granddaughter acting like a single woman.

“So, how’s Harry?” someone asked. Emmy, who’d been lost in her thoughts, started back to the present to see Peter smiling across the table at her.

“He’s…okay,” she said, nodding. “I think he’s loving Brazil. Every time I speak to him he’s got to go give out some medals or something.”

“Bet he loves that. Mister Important,” Mike said, grinning. “Watching the beach volleyball.”

Peter snickered. “He always did like volleyball.”

“I think he described it as ‘the less clothes, the better’, am I right?”

Emmy finally realised what they were saying, and her eyes widened slightly in horror. Had she really just let Harry fly across the world on his own, where lots of perfect female athletes were waiting for him?!

Zara rolled her eyes at them and patted Emmy’s hand. “Hey, ignore them. That’s what the old Harry is like. The one who goes to Vegas and gets snapped naked. The new, married Harry isn’t like that.”

Emmy smiled gratefully. “He starts the trek on Thursday anyway. No hot athletes there.”

“How long is the trek for?” Anne asked, changing the subject to stop Emmy looking upset.

“Er, three to four weeks I think. They’re going through the amazon. He comes back on the 5th of September.”

“Shit, I didn’t realise he was away for so long,” Beatrice said, surprised. Elizabeth scowled at her profanity, but Beatrice was too hungover to care. “Damn, you must really miss him.”

Emmy nodded. She could feel her throat closing up, preceding the tears. She swallowed – she really didn’t want to talk about Harry anymore.

“And how’s the baby?” Phillip asked gruffly, gloriously changing the subject.

She broke into a smile, patting her bump which had grown since she’d last seen the royals. “The baby’s fine. We had our five-month scan before Harry left and everything’s okay.”

“Aw, that’s good,” Zara said.

“Did you find out the sex?” Autumn asked.

“No, we wanted it to be a surprise,” Emmy said, glancing over at William who was sat further down the table. He masked his emotions – while Kate was at home with George and Charlotte, William had surprised Emmy by turning up, ruining her plans. So she told him that they didn’t want the family to know. She prayed he wouldn’t say anything, otherwise the entire goal for the evening would be ruined.

She wouldn’t have another chance to tell Harry’s family – all of them – the names they’d picked. And she knew that this was the perfect opportunity. Her chest tightened with nerves. This was it.

It worked with your family, she kept telling herself, for it had. She’d gone over her father’s two nights earlier because Benedict and Susie were over from America. She’d told them all there that it was to be baby Andrew or baby Annabelle – they were delighted with the names.

Emmy took a deep breath. “But I got really stressed out afterwards,” she continued to the table. “I realised how long he was leaving me for and how little time afterwards we’d have to think about stuff and decide stuff.”

“Oh, don’t panic yourself,” Anne said gently.

“You’ll have plenty of time, dear,” Elizabeth said.

“It’s really not as much stuff to do as you think,” Autumn added, smiling reassuringly.

Emmy mustered a smile, as though she was really grateful for their kind words. Truth – she wasn’t worried at all about the time they had. It was just a good excuse.

“Well, Harry tried to calm me down-” “Bet he did,” Mike said, sniggering and making eye contact with Peter, who barked a laugh.

She rolled her eyes at the two of them. “We decided to have made one decision before he left, to…I don’t know, get the ball rolling. It made me feel better.”

“What did you decide, honey?” Sophie asked. The entire table was listening, and Emmy felt oddly self conscious. Oh shit, what if she told them the wrong names?!

“We chose the baby names,” she said, beaming. Mike started to say something, but Zara hushed him immediately. “And you realise it’s so difficult to find a traditional baby name that you haven’t all used, right?”

That earned a lot of laughter.

“Well, if it’s a boy, we’re going to call him Albert. And if it’s a girl, we’re going to call her Rose.”

A thousand different conversations started at that point, so many different opinions on the names, all good, all delighted, but Emmy could only hear Charles because he shouted over the rest.

“Oh that’s marvellous!” he boomed. “Little baby Bertie or little baby Rosie!”

Emmy laughed and smiled and thanked people for their congratulations the same way she had done two days earlier with her family, while inside relief was coursing through her. That was two down, two out of the four groups of people that she had to tell. She was halfway there.

“Not gonna lie, your family are really gullible.”

Harry barked a laugh. He was sprawled across a sun-lounger, beaming at Emmy through facetime as she was curled in bed. “I guess they bought it, then?”

“They didn’t even question it! They truly believe that we’ve chosen the baby names at, like, five months in.”

“Maybe that’s what they did?”

“They probably had their baby names chosen for them,” she said bitterly. “Surprised they didn’t do that with us.”

Harry rolled her eyes. “They’re not all evil, you know.”

“Is that so?” she said sarcastically, then she sighed and leant back, looking over the empty bed. “This bed is so big without you.”

“Come on, you normally kick me out of it anyway, you must be loving all the space.”

“Not really,” she said. “I miss you.”

On the screen, he smiled sadly. “I miss you too, baby. Not long now.”

“You haven’t even started the trek yet!” she pointed out miserably. Then she frowned, suspicious. “Should you not be training for that? Rather than sunbathing?”

“What do you take me for, some sort of lazy scrounger?”

“Well, you said it.”

“Ha ha.” He smirked at her. “Having fun in that big bed of yours?”

“You see, I can tell from your voice that you think I’m up to no good, but really I just watched four episodes of Modern Family while eating ice cream.”

He chuckled. “What’s happened to you? It’s like you’ve turned into a middle-aged woman who has a hundred cats.”

“No cats in this house,” she said, smiling. “Ooh, there’s an idea!”

“No, Emmy.”

“I could get a cat.”

“Don’t you dare, Emmy!”

“It would make me feel less lonely,” she said playfully.

“Emmaline, don’t.”

She giggled, but the use of her full name accelerated her heart. “Okay, I won’t get a cat to keep me company. But don’t get mad at me if I get a dog instead.”

He rolled his eyes. “You want a puppy and a baby, all at once?”

“You’re no fun.”

“No, I’m being the adult.”

Emmy smirked. “Well, you’ll just have to come back and stop me, won’t you?”

Her teasing set his insides on fire. Oh, how he wanted to go back to her. He was regretting saying yes to the trek now. “If I come back, and there’s any kind of animal in our house, I will teach you a lesson.”

“Oh yeah?” she taunted. “Like what?”

“Well, I would say I’ll bend you over the kitchen counter, but you get off on that, so…” He trailed off, grinning.

She blushed, her memory going back to the time that he had done just that to her, but only because she’d been so hormonal she’d demanded it. “I get off on anything you do to me, so good luck.”

He let his breath out slowly through clenched teeth. “Stop doing this to me.”

“Are you alone by the pool?”

“Yeah, the last guy just went.”

“Oh good, don’t want anyone to see you with a hardon.”

“Will you please stop, Em? Honestly, earlier I was in a meeting going over health and safety stuff for the trek and all I come think about was you, and the way you always…” He stopped himself, blushing slightly. “Never mind.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Go on,” she said, somewhat breathlessly. His words had sent fire coursing through her veins, igniting her cells. 

“All I could picture was the way you bite your lip to try and stop yourself from crying out whenever we make love,” he said, seemingly shy. Then, to lighten the mood, he added in a cheeky voice, “If you haven’t guessed, I’m missing you a lot.”

She broke into a smile, her heart fluttering. “I miss you too,” she murmured, wishing she could be there with him.

An identical smile lit up his own face, and he ran a hand through his hair, changing the subject. “So have you told everyone their designated names now?”

“Not yet. Just my family and yours. Although it’s Jake’s birthday tomorrow so I can tell your friends then.”

“Are Taylor and Chris not going?”

“Nah, Taylor’s working, and I think Chris is staying in with Kian. He doesn’t really like going if Taylor isn’t going, I think. He’s a bit shy around your friends still.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame him, they’re a bit loud,” Harry chuckled. “Say hi to them all for me, will you?”

“Of course, I’ll tell them that you miss them all dearly.”

“Yeah, don’t push it, I want it to be believable,” he said, and she giggled lightly. “Any cravings yet?”

“I’m not sure. I tend to eat a lot of stawberries,” she said cheerfully.

“What about hormonal fits?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes at his teasing. “Well…there was that one time I had to get Zach to screw me in the back of the car after shopping…does that count?” She looked at the screen innocently, only to see him scowl.

“Not funny.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did that make you jealous?”

“No. You know I didn’t believe you for a second.”

“Sure sure,” she said, laughing lightly. “Zach’s not my type, anyway.”

“You have a type?” he asked incredulously. “Emmy, your type is ginger princes. Good luck finding another one of them for you to cheat on me with.”

She laughed at that, then sighed and sat back. “I miss you.”

“You still can’t get a cat.”

Emmy giggled at him. “I wish you were here,” she said. “I’m hornier than I’d like to admit.”

Harry smirked at her. “Well, there’s no one here. Feel free to give me a show.”

“Ew,” she said, hitting the screen with her pillow to hide her blush from him. “I’m not touching myself for you.”

“No, only once I’ve hung up, right?”

“Stop being dirty,” she said. “You have to ruin everything.”

“Excuse me,” he said, outraged. “You were the one who brought up how horny you are.”

“Can I get a cat if I touch myself for you?”

“Emmy, what is it with you and cats?”

“They’re cute.”

“And possessed,” he said. “Honestly, I’ve never met a cat who wasn’t the spawn of the devil.”

She rolled her eyes. “They sense it if you don’t like them, you know.”

“No, Em, I believe it’s that they sense if you’re scared of them,” he said. “And I most certainly am not.”

“You sure?” she teased.

“Emmy, I am days away from walking through the Amazon rainforest. Where there are snakes. And actual things that could kill me. You really think I’m scared of cats?”

She shrugged. “Look at you, bragging how brave you are.”

“I know,” he said chuckling. “No need to mention how scared I am about the whole thing.”

“Don’t be afraid,” she said gently, sensing the seriousness of his words. “Honestly, think about how much you’re going to enjoy it. You always love these things. And so many people would pay so much money to go to the Amazon. You get to go for free, and for charity.”

He considered, nodding slowly. “You’re right.”

“You just don’t want to go because you won’t be able to speak to me for three weeks,” she teased lightly.

“Honestly? I think that is actually the problem.”

“Oh, Harry, I know it’s going to be difficult. I’m going to miss you too.”

“It’s not just not being able to speak to you,” he said. “It’s also not being able to hear that you’re okay. You and the baby. Edward can’t contact me via satellite phone every day just to say that our little princess is okay.”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” she asked. “Harry, trust me, our little princess is fine.” She gently rubbed her bump as she spoke. “I can take care of her.”

“I know, but…”

“But?” She arched an eyebrow.

“You fainted the other day.” His voice was small, as though he knew what he was saying was enough to piss any woman off.

Emmy swallowed a bitter remark, and sighed. “I know, it was a wake up call for me, too. I realised I need to take better care of myself, even if it is only for this little one inside of me.”

“Just be careful, okay?”

“I will,” she said, smiling at the concern on his face. Then she sighed. “I better go.”

“Yeah, me too. Ed’s not going to be happy if I spend all of today sunbathing. I’m meant to be getting ready for the trek.” He made a mock-worried face, and she laughed lightly.

“You’ll phone me again before you go, right?”

“Of course. I’ll facetime you. Maybe then you’ll put on a show for me.”

“Don’t count on it,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Maybe I’ll have a cat.”

Harry scowled. “Don’t you dare.”

Emmy giggled lightly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to get a cat. It’s fun to let you think I am, though.”

He shook his head at her. “Okay, Em, I love you.”

“I love you too! I miss you!”

“I miss you too,” he said, smiling and waving back at her. “Stay safe.”

She blew a kiss and he grinned, pretending to catch it and pocket it.

“That was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever done,” she said, laughing. “Bye Harry.”

“Auntie Emmy!” George squealed in delight, as he opened the front door to see her stood there.

“Oh, hi George,” she said in surprise, not expecting it to be the three-year-old who welcomed her into the apartment. “Should you really be answering the door?” She gently stroked his hair.

George shrugged, holding his arms up so that she could lift him onto her hip and give him a cuddle. “Daddy’s with Lottie.”

“Is he? And where’s Mummy?”

“Work,” he said, pouting.

“You know, George, you shouldn’t answer the door. What if I was a stranger?” she asked gently.

He seemed to consider that, but before he could reply William had appeared, looking stressed with Charlotte in his arms. Charlotte cooed at the sight of Emmy.

“Emmy?” William asked blankly. “How’d you get in?”

“This little one,” she said, gently bouncing George. William looked angry.

“George, what have I told you about answering the door?!” he snapped, then sighed and placed Charlotte down on the floor before running a hand over his face. “Sorry, Em, did you want a drink or something?”

“Well, I came round because you said you wanted to talk. Is now not a good time?”

“Um…sure, why not? You might be able to help me with Charlotte, she just wants to play with me all the time and Miguel keeps e-mailing me with more paperwork that I need to look at.” He puffed his breath up over his face, then smiled tiredly. “Do you want to come outside into the gardens? I’ll bring you some juice?”

“Okay,” she said, then crouched down beside Charlotte, who was gently tugging at her father’s trouser leg. “Hey, Charlotte. Do you want to have cuddles?” She lifted the little girl into her arms, and Charlotte babbled incoherently, nuzzling into Emmy’s hair.

As William got them drinks, Emmy led the two little ones outside, with Charlotte on her hip and George’s hand in hers. She found it funny that William was complaining that Charlotte wanted to play too much – she’d heard parents complain about much worse things, like non-stop crying and projectile vomiting.

Emmy took a seat on one of the garden chairs and sat Charlotte on her lap, bouncing her up and down on her knees until Charlotte was squealing with delight, her mouth wide open in an enormous beam. Emmy laughed lightly at her.

“See? Daddy just needs to pay you more attention, doesn’t he?” she mused, kissing the top of Charlotte’s brown hair. She let her eyes drift over to George, who was crouched on the floor with some dinosaur toys. “What have you got there, George?”

“Dinosaurs!” he said, picking them up and bringing them over to show her. “This is a triceratops and this is a stegosaurus and this is a tyrannosaurus.”

“Wow, you know all their names,” she said. “You’re so smart.”

“I love dinosaurs!” he said.

“Why don’t you go make them trek through the deep forests over there?” she said, pointing to the bushes. “It looks like it could be the Jurassic period.”

“What’s joorasseek?” he asked, looking confused.

“Jurassic. That’s when the dinosaurs lived.”

“Cool,” he said, then, as William came out with drinks, he said, “I going to play in the Jurassic now.”

William frowned in confusion at his son, surprised by his words, but said nothing as the toddler tittered away with his toys. William took a seat opposite from Emmy, and he smiled at the sight of her and Charlotte.

“She loves you,” he noted.

“That’s good because I love her, yes I do, beautiful little Charlotte,” Emmy said in a sing-song voice, nuzzling against Charlotte’s fluffy hair and making the baby giggle. “I can’t wait to have a little baby just like her of my own.”

William half-smiled, then frowned. “So, you know it’s a girl? For sure?”

“Well, Abigail said that she’s pretty sure. Apparently, it was quite obvious in our ultrasound.”

“Then, can I ask why you told my family a girl’s and a boy’s name?”

Emmy bit her lip. “Harry wants to tell them himself-”

“So did you just make up a boy’s name?” William asked, frowning. “Why say anything at all?”

She sighed. “It’s…complicated.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“So, you know how we’ve had all these problems with someone selling stories to the press? Well, Claire came up with an idea to try and catch them out. We don’t know if it’ll work but we thought we’d try. Basically, there are four different groups of people who knew about the pregnancy before it was announced: my family, your family, my friends and Harry’s friends. So we’re telling each group a different set of names, and then, hopefully, one set of names will end up in the papers and then we’ll know, roughly who it is.”

“And you really thought it necessary to include my family in that?” William asked, somewhat annoyed.

“Your family haven’t been good to us the same way they were good to you,” Emmy answered simply, avoiding his gaze by playing with Charlotte’s hands.

He looked like he wanted to argue, but thought better of it. “So…you haven’t decided on names then?”

“Not yet.”

“Oh, I was starting to get used to ‘Rose’,” he said, grinning.

“Sorry to disappoint,” she laughed. “Was it believable, though? What I told your family on Monday night?”

“Yeah, you tricked me and I already knew it was a girl, so…” He chuckled. “I may have told Kate that it’s a girl, too. I didn’t realise it’s a secret. I told her not to tell anyone until you’ve told them though.”

Emmy shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me, but I think Harry wants to tell people himself.”

“I bet he’s happy with a little girl.”

“He keeps calling her his little princess,” she said, laughing lightly, her heart melting at the thought. “And she literally is.”

William barked a laugh. “That’s true, hopefully she’ll be a bit better behaved than this princess here.” He looked down at Charlotte, who giggled. “So, how far into this plan have you got? Who have you told?”

“My family, obviously your family, and I went out with Harry’s friends last night and told them. That just leaves Taylor and Chris.”

“Oh, so you’re nearly done.”

“Yeah, and then we just need to wait and see what names end up in the papers.”

“What happens if none of them do?”

Emmy sighed. That eventuality had crossed her and Claire’s minds, but she forced herself not to worry about that until the time came. If it came. “I guess we just have to hope that someone will let it slip.”

“It’s sad, isn’t it?” he mused glumly. “That we’re actually hoping for someone to sell you out, just so we can find out who it is.”

“I don’t know if I want to know.”

“Are you worried it’s your family?”

“No, more so… what if it’s Taylor or Chris?”

“Don’t think like that. You trust them, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but what if I’m wrong?”

“I’m sure you’re not,” he said, smiling reassuringly. “They’re both nice people.”

Emmy nodded, not feeling very comforted by that. “I’m seeing them tonight. Gonna tell them their names.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

William got up to fetch some paperwork he had to sort, leaving Emmy to look after George and Charlotte for a few moments. Emmy fiddled with Charlotte’s soft brown hair, hoping beyond hope that her evening with Taylor and Chris would go smoothly so that this whole ordeal could be over.

Harry sighed, swinging his backpack onto his shoulders and stretching his legs, ready for the start of their long day of hiking. One of the guys, David, was stood nearby, and he grinned.

“Here we go, eh?”

Harry grinned back. “I’m almost nervous.”

“You? No way!” David teased. “Shit, now I feel like I should be nervous too.”

“Don’t worry, Dave, it’s only because I’ve got a pregnant wife at home,” Harry replied, falling into step behind the group.

“If she’s anything like my Julie was when she was pregnant, you’ll be lucky to be away,” another guy, Luke, said.

“No, I worry about her,” Harry said. “She fainted the other day.”

“Emmy seems so small,” Jason, another man, said. “And she’s so young, as well.”

“She’s strong as hell, though,” one of the girls, Helen, said. “I mean, look at how she coped with all that shit you went through after you went to India. She got through that.”

“And the papers were so rude about her back then,” David said, clapping Harry on the back. “I wouldn’t worry about her, mate.”

“She’ll be perfectly fine,” Helen said. “She seems like a strong woman. She’ll get through it.”

Harry nodded, feeling only slightly reassured by their words. He knew that Emmy would probably be telling Taylor and Chris the names later that night, and then all of their plan would have been carried out. It worried him that he would be unreachable for the next three weeks – he would not be able to see the aftermath. He would have three long weeks of walking, in which his mind would be free to imagine every different outcome and wonder whether the rat had sold them out again.

He trudged on through the undergrowth, some strange species of bird squawking high above him. The heat and humidity sent a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead. He forced himself on.

Taylor was delighted by the names, Chris not so much. Chris was hoping for a boy to be called Christopher, and was not amused by the ‘Henry the Eighth’ sounding choice of ‘Henry’. Nonetheless, they were both happy for Emmy and were eager to discuss more about the little baby growing in Emmy’s womb, imagining what they would do with it when she was born. Taylor wanted to take her to Disneyland, while Chris wanted to take her to the seaside.

Once Emmy returned home that evening, she felt relieved. She’d told the four groups their respective names, and now her part was done. All she had to do was wait. Hopefully – or hopefully not – a name would turn up in the paper, and then she could leave it to Claire to sort out.

She stretched out on the sofa, nibbling on a bowl of strawberries which she’d taken a fancy to recently. She was taking advantage of all her alone time to catch up on The Walking Dead which she still was nowhere near finishing. She was midway through her second episode of the night when there was a knock on the front door.

It was gone ten o’clock, and apprehension shot through her. Who would that be? But, in an attempt to reassure herself, she knew that anyone would have to be cleared by three different sets of security to make their way to her front door.

Nonetheless, she peered out of the window. It was Taylor.

Frowning, she opened the door, smiling in an attempt to seem relaxed. Taylor didn’t look happy – there were tear stains on her cheeks, and her face was contorted into an enraged grimace. Emmy stared, concerned.

“Oh my god, Taylor, are you okay?”

“Am I okay?!” she snapped, pushing her way into the apartment. “Am I okay?! No I’m not fucking okay!”

Emmy stared, bewildered by her best friend’s outburst. “What’s wrong?”

“You don’t even know what’s wrong?!” Taylor cried, as Emmy hastily shut the front door behind her and turned to face her, looking apprehensive. “Emmy, I thought I was your best friend.”

“You are-”

“I thought you and me were there for each other, no matter what.” Tears were brimming in Taylor’s eyes now.

“Tay, you were one of my bridesmaids,” Emmy said gently, feeling sick, wondering what had brought this on. “You would’ve been maid of honour if the family hadn’t kicked up such a fuss that it had to be Lucy-”

“I thought you trusted me,” Taylor said simply. Her voice did not break, and she stared Emmy down as, finally, the pieces fell into place in Emmy’s head.

“I do,” Emmy said without hesitation, but now she felt awful, for she’d lied to her all evening. “Of course I do-”

“Why did you lie about your baby names?’ Taylor asked, and then she exploded. “You LIED TO ME! I know you did! You told me some bullshit names and then you told Skippy some different ones!”

Emmy felt her eyes prickling now. This was the reaction she’d feared. This was the reaction she’d had nightmares about.  “No, I can explain-”

“Explain what, Emmy?! Explain why you lied to me?! Explain why you think I’m the one who’s talking to the press?! Go on then.” Taylor glared.

“I don’t think it’s you,” Emmy started shakily “I never doubted you, but Harry-”

“Fucking Harry!”  Taylor shouted. “I’m so fucking done with Harry, you know that?! He comes along and then it’s all about him! You go running off to him whenever you’re told, you spend all your time with him, you get all whimpy when he’s not around!”

Emmy’s tears spilled over cheeks, and her breath came in gasps as she tried to ignore the pain stabbing through her chest at her best friend’s words. Because she’d heard them before, in a way. They were mirroring everything that Claire kept trying to tell her. But Taylor was not sugar coating them the way her secretary did.

“Why didn’t you just tell him he’s wrong?!” Taylor was raging. “I’ve been your best friend for years, why didn’t you-?!”

“I tried!” Emmy wailed. “I tried to tell him! I tried to convince him! We had a huge argument about it, I went and stayed at Claire’s-!”

“But you came back,” Taylor stated bitterly.

“Of course I did,” Emmy said, so upset. “He’s my husband, and I love him, and we are adults. We work things out.” Her words were very pointedly directed at Taylor, and Taylor flared up.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Emmy!” Taylor roared. “You don’t even know what love is! You lost your virginity and within a few months you’re pregnant with his baby, all within six months of having your first kiss-”

“It wasn’t my first,” Emmy snarled foolishly.

“You do everything that he says, he makes all the decisions. It’s like he’s your dad. Hell, he’s nearly old enough-”

“If you came over just to insult Harry-” Emmy tried to sound threatening, but it didn’t work. Tears continued to flow over her cheeks, cracking her voice.

“I’m just saying the truth,” Taylor said hotly. “I don’t know who you are anymore. My best friend Emmy would never accuse me of selling her out. She would never put up with some of the stuff that you’ve put up with-”

“What do you expect me to do?” Emmy asked helplessly. “Look at my life, Taylor! I don’t know who I can trust! Everyone seems to be trying to benefit from me in some way!”

“I’m not!” Taylor snapped.

“Are you sure?” Emmy said accusingly. “Because you sure as hell didn’t let me forget how willing you were to be my maid of honour! And I noticed how you had a sudden interest in Pippa Middleton after I asked you!”

“You think I was using you?!”

“As opposed to someone else?”

“Look at your perfect husband!” Taylor shot. “Things are rocky until you let him fuck you and then things are perfect when you agree to have his baby!”

“I agree?!” Emmy quoted. “This is my baby! Mine! It was Harry and I’s fathers who came up with this idea, but we were the ones who decided to have a baby!”

Taylor scoffed. “You really think that Harry would’ve gone along with it if he’d not wanted a baby?”

Emmy shook her head, refusing to listen any more. “Get out, Tay, I don’t want you here if all you’re going to do is insult me and insult Harry.” She moved to open the front door.

“Emmy,” Taylor said, before Emmy could undo the lock, and her voice had softened slightly. “Just answer me this. Did you honestly think that I leaked that ultrasound picture to the press? Because I know you’re only thinking it because Harry’s made you think it.”

“Honestly?” Emmy snapped, and then she sighed, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t know what to think anymore. Now please get out.”

Taylor gave Emmy a dirty look. “You’re driving everyone who loves you away-”

“Leave!” Emmy screeched, then swallowed and tried to take a calming breath. “Please. Just leave.”

Taylor slammed the door behind her, leaving Emmy to break down in tears in her silent house, wishing that she could have Harry there with her.

And Harry, batting flies away from his face in the rainforest, wished he could be with her instead.

[garden-of-succulents]

I'M GONNA TALK SOME MORE ABOUT TATER'S LESBIAN MOMS. I had the original idea back in October, and then I decided I was going to do it for my Swawesome Santa, which I thought was super secret like Yuletide, so I clammed up about it since then. So I actually put a fair amount of work into researching the idea, but the fic turned into this monstrously huge unwieldy outline with 14 separate plot-important scenes at its smallest, and like five different emotional arcs, and I couldn't do it, so I wrote Leave Your Lovers Like Campfires instead.

So now I'll just cut it down to one aspect, which is Tater's moms Sasha and Galina. Even just cut down to one aspect, in bullet points, without weaving in the other plot threads, this post is three thousand words long. /o\

I read what I could find in my libraries on social and LGBT history in Russia, but resources in English are honestly pretty limited and I know I'm making shit up here. MY APOLOGIES TO ACTUAL RUSSIANS. But for what it's worth, the books I found most useful were Lesbian Lives in Soviet and Post-Soviet Russia by Francesca Stella, Cracks in the Iron Closet: Travels in Gay and Lesbian Russia by David Tuller, and Putin Country: A Journey Into the Real Russia by Anne Garrels.

Content notes: Homophobia, being closeted, coming out, mental illness, and suicide.

So. Tater's moms are Alexandra Yakovna Mashkova (Sasha) and Galina Ivanovna Fedorova (Galina). They were born in Ulyanovsk around 1970.

Galina comes from a hockey family. (No relation to Sergei Fedorov, though.) The men in her family were like ALL ICE HOCKEY ALL THE TIME--her grandfather was part of the first generation of Soviet hockey players, and played for a professional club in Moscow for a couple seasons; her uncle played in the Soviet Championship League. Her dad, although excellent, did not make it quite so far as his brother, and became a hockey coach and coached his sons in hockey.

Galina WANTED to play ice hockey, but it was the 70s and she was A Girl, so what can you do. In the 80s, though, women's field hockey started being a thing, and she nagged her father relentlessly until he agreed to coach a field hockey team in the summer.

Just about that time, Sasha was a 16-year-old ballet dancer who'd just failed several important auditions, and whose ballet instructor admitted that she might have given Sasha slightly overinflated ideas of her balletic potential. In a fit of rage Sasha quit ballet, saw a bunch of girls playing field hockey, and walked over to ask if she could join them.

Look, you know this story: slender, slightly reticent newcomer to hockey meets far-too-serious beefy hockey nerd who has to teach them how to deal with a little physical contact. They meet for early morning practices. They learn to appreciate each other's strengths and differences. They bond as people. They fall in l o v e.

And then Sasha graduates and moves awa--wait, what?

Galina doesn't know what she was expecting. She was kind of wilfully hoping the future would never come and they'd just be teenage girls playing hockey and getting grass stains and kissing in the bushes forever.

But Sasha graduates and moves away. She breaks up with Galina. Galina's heartbroken. She starts working at the same factory as her brother, keeps playing field hockey, wins a few tournaments, and won't tell her family why she cries when she hears Sasha got married.

Sasha goes to university, to medical school, becomes a doctor. She marries a fellow med student partly because she can have sex with him without gagging, which is more than she can say for most men, but more importantly because it gets them preferential student housing.

When Sasha does a psychiatric rotation, one of the cases a fellow student brings in for supervision is a homosexual man in a deep depression after his long-term boyfriend broke up with him. Their supervisor listens to a long-winded analysis of just what dysfunction caused the man's homosexuality, then snaps, "You're on the wrong track. Whatever makes these people like this, it isn't pathological, and it's a waste of time trying to change it. Focus on his depression instead. Get him functional enough to go back to work and find another lover he'll be happier with."

So she has that to chew on.

When medical school graduation rolls around Sasha and her husband add "arguing over where to move and what work to do" to the other things they bicker over all the time, and divorce. He fucks off somewhere. Sasha accepts a surgical residency back in Ulyanovsk.

Galina's family caught her kissing another girl (look privacy is hard to come by) and threatened to tell her coworkers if she did it again, so she is not on good terms with them. She moves out into shared workers' housing.

Sasha moves back in with her parents and goes to work as a surgeon.

Sasha and Galina... reconnect. *wink wink*

So. This.... is the part where it's important to remember that these are the women who raised Alexei Mashkov.

This is the crucible in which was formed a man willing and able to pick Kent Parson up with one arm like a naughty kitten and cuss him the hell out.

This is a family made of solid fucking steel

These are women who looked at each other in the 1980s and went, "You. You are what I want. I don't want anyone else but you. You... and a couple children."

"But how would they make that work?" you ask

Well

they are just

that

metal

So Sasha goes to a medical colleague who owes her a couple of favours and says, "I want you to artificially inseminate me."

"You could just get pregnant the regular way," he says.

"I could punch you in the face," she says, and he's a good guy (and never suggested he should inseminate her the usual way) so he agrees and she doesn't punch him.

She tells her parents that she's pregnant and doesn't like the father and anyway he's unimportant, pay no attention to the sperm donor behind the curtain, look a baby.

UNRELATEDLY: This is her good friend Galina! Galina lives in an apartment building whose heat just stopped working, and it's December. You don't want Galina to freeze to death, do you? She's going to be living in my room now. Okay thanks!

Anya is born in the spring of 1989, just as the political and economic situation is going to shit. But for Sasha and Galina the upside is, everyone is way too freaked out about everyone else to care about hunting down lesbians. (Lesbianism was never illegal; male homosexuality is decriminalized in 1993)

Sasha's six months pregnant with Alexei when Galina's job just literally stops paying wages and gives all its workers crystal vases in lieu of actual money, and they maybe wouldn't have chosen to have another baby so soon if they knew just how bad it was going to get, but, well, shit happens, they don't die, and Alexei is 57cm long at birth so not everything went wrong.

(Galina is 181cm tall. Sasha is 185. His height was not exactly a surprise.)

So, social order basically collapses in 1991, the year Alexei is born. A lot of shit happens, but then there's a tiny ray of unexpected good: Sasha's father starts speaking Hebrew again.

Nobody in Sasha's generation learned Hebrew, but when her father was very young, he went to secret Hebrew School, and although he never taught his children, he held on to what he knew. And when the 1990s came around, he started speaking Hebrew to the two grandbabies who were living in his apartment.

And then Anya and Alexei started speaking it back.

So like, look. There's cluelessness and general plausible deniability, and then there's your daughter raising her children with her lesbian lover under your roof for six years. It is quite likely that Sasha's parents knew what the fuck was going on.

And they didn't know fuck about LGBT rights or anything like that. They didn't take some enlightened stand. They just listened to their grandchildren playing hide-and-seek in Hebrew and knew that they had to find the good in this as it came.

(Incidentally.)

(Do you know how useful it is when you and your siblings speak a language that your parents don't?)

(ALEXEI knows how useful it is.)

In 1995 Sasha, who was back to working as a surgeon and doing research, got a job with a Swiss medical research company that just opened up a branch office in Moscow, so she, Galina, and their children moved there. They visited Sasha's family over the years, of course, but Alexei considers himself "from" Moscow, even if he was technically born in Ulyanovsk.

Growing up, Sasha was "Mama" to the kids, but Galina (who was "unemployed" a lot of the time and looked after the kids while Sasha worked) was "Auntie". To most people who knew them, Sasha and Galina came off as sisters.

Galina taught the kids how to skate as soon as they could stand, and gave them hockey sticks to help keep their balance. She was their first coach, opponent, and goalie. Girls' ice hockey teams sprung up in Moscow in the 90s, and Anya was on a few of them. Alexei played against his mother and sister for years before he was old enough to go on a team with other boys.

In Moscow, Sasha and Galina started actually making LGBT+ friends, and within the confines of their living room or country house, they had people who fully understood what they were to each other. Their children grew up with gay, queer, and trans "aunts" and "uncles". One of Alexei's earliest memories is accidentally making a chair tip over because he wanted the absolutely beautiful feather boa hanging off the back of it. (After he finished crying and was done being soothed, they did give him the boa to play with, but admonished him to ask before grabbing.)

After a hiatus of a few years, Andrei was born in 1998. His Hebrew isn't nearly as good as Anya or Alexei's, since they taught him their version of the language. He plays right wing in hockey.

It wasn't actually evident early on that Alexei was going to be OMG AMAZING at hockey? Like, he was very good, but there's a difference between "very good" and "NHL scouting wants to talk to you." Even at 14, 15, he looked like he might just be another excellent player. But then at 16 he hit a growth spurt and absolutely blossomed, and people who'd known him for years were saying, "Whoa, who the fuck is that?"

So for most of his childhood, Alexei planned on being a businessman, not a hockey player

He wanted to be like a guy who lived in their apartment building, who was an expert in industrial machinery and travelled to China a lot.

English is Alexei's fifth goddamned language, because after Russian and Hebrew, he learned a little German (Sasha took him to Switzerland on a business trip once), and then a few years of Mandarin in school

and then the pro hockey scouts came a-fucking-round and someone from the NHL tells Tater that they've got their eyes on him

and his response was like

"Fuck fuck fuck, this means I have to learn English, don't I."

IN SCHOOL THEY TOLD HIM LANGUAGES GOT EASIER THE MORE YOU LEARNED THEM

HE WANTS HIS MONEY BACK ON THAT PROMISE

So Tater knew he was gay from about age 13

And if he had known back then that he was going to be a serious contender for the KHL/NHL... oh boy, that's actually something he debates with himself.

If he could go back in time, would he really distance himself from the LGBT+ community? Would he make himself more palatable, cultivate the background of a classic Russian hockey hero?

Is that even possible when the mother who was absolutely essential to him becoming the player he is is the one who isn't related to him by blood?

Does he really want to take back the teenage friends he met who questioned themselves and their sexualities, who followed him home and met his parents and looked at Sasha and Galina with something like hope dawning in their eyes?

Isn't it just cowardice to want to take back his friendship with the lesbian who killed herself anyway? It's painful to look back on all those midnight hours convincing Masha not to commit suicide tonight, telling her to at least wait until morning, and he will always regret that it wasn't enough. But what would he do without the knowledge that came from finally pouring out his troubles out on his mothers' laps, Galina's knowledge of informal suicide counselling and Sasha's knowledge of psychiatric care? She died when he was 15 and left a handprint on his heart, but also an initiation into the mysteries of survival when queer and mentally ill. And for better or worse, his knowledge of that life-or-death struggle has come in useful in his life.

He can't say for sure that anyone in the Russian hockey world knows his mothers are lesbians. No one's ever said so. But his great-uncle, Galina's brother, who's now a League official, definitely knows; since he made the KHL, Galina's younger relatives have slowly come out of the woodwork, wanting to simultaneously condemn his mother and claim him, the professional hockey player, as family. He could drive himself crazy wondering: Who knows? Was the KHL so happy to let me go when I was 20 because of it? Do I not get picked for Team Russia because of it? What am I imagining, and what is real?

He would love to publicly acknowledge Galina as his mother, position himself as the heir of her line of hockey players, of wisdom, of knowledge. As a teenager he made the deliberate choice to stop calling her "aunt". Now it's "Mamochka" when it's just the two of them, fiercely refusing to let himself be distanced from her, from his parents' marriage.

The biggest reason he hasn't come out is Anya, who lives with her husband and two children in Chelyabinsk. She coaches girls' hockey; one of her players made the Olympic women's team. She gets a lot of prestige over having such a famous, skilled brother. If he came out as gay, that would be one misfortune; but if someone traced his family back and showed that their parents were gay, why, then it's practically hereditary, and then who would let her coach their little girls? And to some degree that's just a threat she lives with, an inevitability she knows is waiting for her, but... it's an underlying tension of the family. They know they have very real things to lose, if their secrets come out.

So yeah, Alexei moved to Providence right around the time anti-LGBT legislation was coming out in Russia (2011). After a lot of hemming and hawing, he finally went to George to say, "So here's the thing. My parents are lesbians, the mother who isn't legally my mother is in the habit of breaking the law by telling gay teenagers not to kill themselves, and I'm very worried." George, lesbian extraordinaire, was very nice and reassuring and set Tater up with an excellent immigration lawyer.

Alexei's been trying to convince his parents and Andrei to move to Providence continuously since moving there himself. He's bought a nice big house! IT'S SO EMPTY, LOOK AT ALL THIS SPACE, IT NEEDS FAMILY TO FILL IT.

Sasha's the most resistant--she doesn't speak English at all, fears not being able to research or practice medicine in the USA, and doesn't want to leave her friends and family behind.

(Well, technically Anya is the most resistant--it's just not an option for her. Her husband is a nuclear engineer with a security clearance so high he just can't get its American equivalent. She's staying with him in Russia. Period.)

Galina spends months at a time in Providence, especially during regular season and playoffs. Alexei loves it. It's not about being lazy or helpless, for him, it's about being loved, about coming home from practice to her soup, about going out with her to the movies. Sometimes she goes to NYC or Boston to teach or attend workshops on "queer resistance" and "guerilla lgbt advocacy" and to network with other LGBT+ Russians. He worries about her, but to be honest, the part of her that's a fighter kind of relishes the idea of getting in trouble with the authorities and being rescued and publicly acknowledged by her amazing wonderful homosexual son. Yes, she worries about Anya, but... of all the family, she's least sympathetic to Anya's position.

Andrei's still a teenager. Once his brother brought Kent Parson to their Moscow apartment and, when Andrei wasn't looking, got him to go into Andrei's room and sign his Kent Parson poster. It was... mortifying, but also awesome. Andrei thinks he's maybe straight or maybe pan? He doesn't know. He is pretty good at hockey though, and his brother is trying to convince him that he wants to play ECAC hockey, maybe for Brown University. Jack Zimmermann isn't much of a salesman for his old league--but if Jack gets Tater to introduce Andrei to the new Samwell co-captains, this kid has a much stronger chance of deciding he wants to move to the USA and play there.

Actually, if Alexei could have anything in the world, he'd introduce his now very old grandfather to his lesbian rabbi in Providence. But he's not so sure that's within the range of possibility, given his grandfather's health.

So

That's Tater

And his moms

[voresmithing]

Truce: Chapter 14.2

Get outta here, Deadeye.

He hadn't listened.

So now he sits handcuffed to a metal table and on the wrong side of the law.

The Law, it turns out, looks like Commander Fucking Reyes. Or Ex-Commander. Or whatever. Jesse wasn't military and only knew as much about Overwatch as a couple of blockbusters and gossiping through smoky nights with the gang had taught him. But he'd seen the posters, the papers, the magazines, the comics, the action figures, so when Reyes walks into the narrow room with corrugated walls he's been held in for the last hour, Jesse doesn't much manage to bury his surprise.

The thing is, when you meet the Real Person, they're supposed to be smaller than the movies would have you believe. No one is really larger than life. No one can be six-foot-one and feel nine feet tall. And maybe it's just the skull fracture he's still recovering from or being handcuffed so that he can't stand, but Reyes just kind of reads as huge, at some base and instinctual level. The same part of Jesse's brain that tells him when to pull the trigger so that three bodies all hit the floor simultaneously lets him know that this guy could put Jesse through one of these thin metal walls if he wanted to, and that he just might. The interrogation room's stale air coalesces around Reyes like a fist, and he isn't doing anything other than looking at Jesse over the rim a dark blue tablet.

"Huh," Reyes' voice is deep and deceptively mild. His eyes dart back to the screen of his computer. "No wonder it took admin so long to find you."

"Find me?"

Jesse had about ten thousand expectations on how this might go, and thus none at all. He'd been a 'criminal' all his life, but you weren't really a criminal in the Post-Crisis Southwest. There'd have to be laws for that, and authority to enforce them. Deadlock did what they did wanted because no one was there to stop them. So he'd been tied up by other gangs a few times, and he'd drawn lines in the sand that the uninitiated had to walk, but that was it out here. The rest of the country had given up on New Mexico, Arizona, a good half of Texas, and all of south Cali. And hell, that was fine by him.

But it also means he's only seen how this goes in movies and, much like how films always got gunfire and blood-spray and bodies wrong, he's been doubting their validity when it came to setting his expectations on being brought in by Overwatch.

So when Reyes mentions finding him he wonders if somehow the reputation of Deadeye had preceded him to a national level. Flattering and terrifying all at once. He forces a grin. "Who were you looking for?"

"Jesse McCree, that's what you're calling yourself, yeah?" Reyes pulls up a seat as he speaks, tone conversational, and drops the tablet on the table where Jesse can see it. It's a file for a Jessica McCree, born 3/4/2037 in Las Cruces New Mexico. Sex: Female. Parents: Anne McCree and--

'Jessica' doesn't have any photos, but Anne does. Jesse feels something like being squeezed along a bruise that happens to cover his entire chest and looks away.

"So you could only find my sister? Sorry, I was born off the books, so--" Jesse lies automatically.

"That's what admin figured. Not all that uncommon, though you're a little old to be a Crisis baby." Reyes drags the tablet back, taps the file closed. "Til they talked to the hospital."

Jesse grimaces. Thinks about waking up in a smock, in a white room, no gang or gun anywhere in sight. He'd done his best to charm the nurses, at least when he was able to string two words together without drooling, and he'd more or less succeeded. But it wasn't like that meant they'd be keeping his secrets.

He scowls and says nothing. He's learned a lot of self preservation, growing up in Deadlock, and keeping your mouth shut is his number one survival technique. Reyes seems thoughtful and unperturbed, waiting like he expects Jesse to come up with another lie, maybe argue, but after about ten seconds of silence unfurling between them, Reyes speaks as if there had been no gap in the conversation at all.

"So, Jesse," and yeah, Jesse's surprised to hear Reyes make a point to use his name, "What happened to your parents?"

"What do you think?"

"I think," Reyes responds with an effortlessly unruffled tone that reminds him of Dolly, "you should answer me."

Dolly'd always kind of tweaked his tit with that. He grumbles, "Awfully full of yourself, demanding my sob story when you haven't told me your name."

"You can call me Reyes."

He says it like it's nothing, like that information comes unbound from context or questions, but Jesse can't stifle an urge to shift uncomfortably. "...are you really him? The guy in the movies?"

"The guy in the movies is named Charlee Mena. I'm just the guy doing my job. And right now, my job is to figure out what to do with you. So let's try this again, where's your family?"

Somehow, Reyes makes him feel ridiculous for even being interested. It's not like he was even a fucking fan, obviously everyone's favorite was Reinhardt anyway. So he shoves the fact that this guy is that Reyes aside and answers the question shortly, "dead."

"During the war?" Reyes asks, his tone just as neutrally invested, and Jesse nods. There's nothing special about his story, and he doesn't remember much of it anyway. "Anyone who isn't? Cousin, uncle, grandparent?"

Jesse shrugs, and the handcuffs clatter against the table with the movement. "What's it matter? You gonna shove me off on someone instead of sticking me in a cell?"

"Hah, with how marked up your arm is?" They both flick their gazes to Jesse's exposed left arm. The forest of black crosses has grown from his wrist to halfway up his bicep. A territory war had broken out with Bonewash and he'd been busy the last eight months. "You don't even have a chance in hell of even getting tried as a minor, forget parole. Nah, you might be able to fight it a while if you get a good defense, but one way or another you'll go in for life, kid."

That he might get let up on for his age hadn't occurred to him. And life probably won't even be that long. He makes himself grin, cocksure and uncaring. "Sounds like your job is pretty easy then."

Reyes purses his lips. It's the first sign of a temperament being tested, and Jesse has to guess it's because the wrath of the law doesn't inspire any fear in him.

But it only lasts a few seconds before Reyes sighs and stretches, getting to his feet. "Before I hand you over to the feds, I've got a bet to settle with a friend of mine. How's your head feeling?"

"Like shit," he answers honestly. The drugs wore off hours ago, and the throb behind his eyes has been perpetual since.

There's a clacking sound as Reyes removes a set of plastic keys from his pocket. "Can you still shoot?"

"I..." Jesse feels his heart stop, confused and hopeful at the same time. It occurs to him suddenly that no one's going to give him a gun in jail. Life sounds a lot longer when it means bored out of his mind and completely useless. "I can always shoot."

Reyes unlocks his handcuffs, they pop open with a subtle hiss.

"Alright then, let's see you shoot."

It turns out Reyes' friend is Ana Motherfucking Amari.

They find her stretched out in the sun, stripped down to a tank top and combat pants and lining up her sights on remote targets zipping around at what must be a thousand yards out. Jesse can only see them because Reyes hands him a set of binoculars to observe her batting the steel grey disks around like she's playing kick-the-can with bullets. When her magazine is spent and the echo of gunfire has faded, she rolls to her feet and shoulders her rifle in a single unbroken motion. She grins when she sees them, a bright and hard humor flickers across her face as she looks over Jesse, then Reyes.

"Decided to take my bet, Gabriel?"

Jesse swallows, thinking movies really just never stop lying, because once again Hollywood just couldn't can this and reproduce it for a screen.

She's not like anyone he's ever seen. There's a raw, cracked look to people raised out here. Edges like glass, skin like sandpaper. The New Mexican sun will give you the texture you need to hang on through anything. But she's smooth like titanium; not unscarred but merely nicked by blows he thinks might've cleaved someone lesser in half.

He holds his breath. He wishes they hadn't taken his fucking hat so he could take it off. He curses not getting the chance to look in a mirror in days.

"Bet?" He echoes.

"She thinks you might be half as good as your reputation." Reyes crosses to a blue and weather-beaten munitions trunk, popping it open with another tap from his key ring.

Jesse keeps his eyes on Reyes, afraid of what expression might form if he looks at Amari. "You don't?"

"Nope."

It's not a surprise, really. Jesse's lost track of how many times he's been asked to prove himself. Hell, for the boss it'd basically been a game. Showing off his young hot shot, telling Jesse to keep sleeves off his left arm as the tattoos crawled further up it. It had always filled him with two parts smug pride, and one part a buried humiliation whenever he remembered he was performing tricks like a well trained dog.

But frankly if someone like Amari pat his head and called him a good boy he figures maybe there's worse ways to use his talents.

Reyes returns with a pistol, warns him to not get any stupid ideas because it's loaded with low-impact rounds, and holds it out.

Jesse hesitates, hand hovering over the butt, trying to figure out how this might be a trap. But his fingers itch to find a trigger, and after a few seconds he yanks the gun from Reyes' unresisting grip. Whatever, he's fucked anyway.

The gun in his hands feels too light. It is clean and new but worn around the grip in a way that says it sees a lot of use anyhow. Immaculately kept. He doesn't recognize the exact model, but it has full and semi-auto settings, shoots twelve .30 caliber rounds, and is feels almost fragile compared to the modified old Desert Eagle he was used to using these days.

"This isn't my gun."

Reyes has rearranged himself next to Amari, and tips his head in her direction with his arms crossed. "Your gun is evidence. That's her gun."

Looking at them both at the same time feels a little like standing right up on the edge of a cliff so that all you can see is endless, exhilarating sky, and so he only darts a glance at them from under his tense brows. "You can't just give me a new gun and expect--"

"What'd I say, Ana?" There's a smug note to Reyes' voice. "Kid's a con artist not a murder sava--"

Jesse knows his cue.

The first bullet explodes through a thick cardboard silhouette fifty yards out with a rapport that is quieter than Jesse expects but still loud enough to punctuate the end of Reyes' goading statement.

"Ohh, not a bad shot." Amari croons behind him. "Last chance to back out, Gabriel. I won't let you off cheap."

Jesse wonders if they have something going on, in the movies they kept it professional.

"Suure, one bullet into a stationary target. He's a natural. Ana, were you always this easily impressed?" He hears Reyes' smooth sarcasm on his left. Jesse can pick his shape up in the corner of his eye. "Come on, kid. I want to know why they call you Deadeye."

Jesse sucks in a steadying breath, says nothing, and shoots.

He's handled a lot of guns, there were a lot of options when you work for arms dealers. And he's learned to impress with just about every type of pistol he can get his hands on. This one is new, fancy, too quiet and absorbs so much recoil he can't feel the shock in his joints the way he is used too. The trigger depresses so smooth each bullet emerges like a surprise. He empties the clip perforating a line down a single target, nose to groin. The vertical spacing is uneven in a few points, but goes straight down the silhouette's spine.

"Hn. Tight aim, alright, but--"

There is a sharp click from Ana on Jesse's right. "Don't try to weasel out of it. I don't think Jack has that kind of consistency without aids."

"We're not rating Morrison, Ana. This is about if a sixteen year old has seriously been showing up every wanna-be cowboy in--"

"I'm not done," Jesse interjects quickly, shoulders hunching when he realizes he'd interrupted, then presses on anyway. "Give me two more clips."

"Two?" Reyes asks, and Jesse turns to face him, chest puffed with what he hopes reads as confidence.

"Two, if you want to see why I got named Deadeye." He forces a smug grin, "Less, if you're just afraid of losing to her." He tips his empty hand toward Amari.

Reyes rumbles, appraises him with a gaze that makes Jesse feel like his veins have turned brittle, and then gets two more clips.

Jesse reloads, finds his hands are trembling.

He still gets anxious about it, usually when there are lives on the line, but sometimes when it's just his reputation. He breathes, so long and slow that he can feel the warm desert air seeping into him from inside. Shooting is easy, he reminds himself.

He pulls the trigger twelve times in under three seconds.

The sound of gunfire can be soothing, if you hear it enough. If you control it, so it reverberates like music notes in your bones. Echoing from finger to wrist to elbow to shoulder. He can feel it in his jaw, his inner ear. The familiar violence shimmies all the way up his right side.

The bullets rip a large hole in the center of a target twenty-five yards out. He expects to hear something smart from the audience, something about how he should have just fired in auto, but Reyes and Amari are both silent fixtures behind him, and he loads in the last clip.

It's late fall, and the almost-cool temperature is rare and perfect. The light isn't so bright that it increases his headache, and the terrain that unfurls around the temporary buildings serving as Overwatch's base of operations is filtered pastel under the October sun. A half a dozen targets remain untouched, sticking out stark and rigid among the thigh-high shrubs; two at fifteen yards, easy, one more at twenty-five and fifty each, and a couple of real long shots out at seventy-five.

Jesse inhales and cracks his knuckles. Exhales and drops his hand with the gun down near his hip. Goddamn unprofessional, he bets, but it's not about aiming. It's about mapping the pattern into his muscles. Get the thinking out of the way before he even lifts his gun so that when it's time to shoot there's nothing but reflex.

He takes in the range with eyes so wide he can feel the sun pricking the insides of his retinas, jerks the gun up clicks the trigger down four times. His left hand rests level just beyond the rear sight, and each blast sends the gun bouncing up against his palm only to be immediately steadied, fired again.

Four holes bloom into the four nearest targets, starting right and moving left but so fast they seem to appear simultaneously. Eye, eye, nose, mouth.

Jesse's heart races and hands ache like he'd been there shooting for hours. He swells and can't stop a grin that he's afraid to turn and show his captors.

A hand lands on his right shoulder, small but deceptively heavy, and squeezes.

"Nice shooting, kid." Ana Amari says, then, with a grin in her voice Jesse has to turn to get a look at, she walks away, slapping a stone-faced Reyes in the waist as she goes. "Next time we're in Bengaluru, Gabe. My favorite place. You better be ready to drop two weeks pay on it."

Jesse decides he doesn't care that Reyes isn't impressed. The sound of Amari praising him was going to echo between his ears for weeks. Not a bad final shoot.

But when he is handing Amari's pistol back to Reyes (safety on, magazine detached), the momentary elation buoying him putters out and leaves him in a free fall. He turns away to look back out at the desert for as long as he can while Reyes is locking up the weapon. He tries to etch the landscape into memory but finds the idea that he might not see it for a while, might not see it again ever, distracting in its unbelievably. The desert is always there; out every window, at the end of every long road, beyond every mountain stenciled against the horizon. Love it or hate it, you diffuse into it all the same, until only density distinguishes you from the dust in the air.

What could prison do to change that?

Maybe he wouldn't even live long enough to need to worry about it.

There's something brewing behind him, a disquiet in Reyes percolating toward confrontation that Jesse can feel like a thunderstorm charges the air.

In some ways, Reyes reminds him of many men in Deadlock. Guys who hold themselves like they're made out of gunpowder, all dangerous but still inert energy. Some of them will never go off, but Jesse's not fool enough to trust that, and so he's learned to track them with a gut instinct that holds him in an even orbit just outside their potential blast radius.

Jesse makes himself turn, tries to read the meaning in the set of Reyes' shoulders, but can't settle on anything other than 'pissed off'. So he loads up a weak grin, almost self-effacing. "Guess she really got you, sounds like you had a lot riding against me."

"Heh," there's a gravel to Reyes' voice that wasn't there before. "Figured I'd at least get to call it even. But you didn't leave me a lot of room for debate there."

Despite the tense anger, a wistful amusement plays on Reyes' face, and Jesse again wishes he had a hat to fuss at. Mixed emotions can be hard to navigate, especially when he can't figure out the origin. Reyes doesn't actually seem all that burned about the money.

"Are you two, uh... you know?" He asks, mostly to distract, partly to know.

That catches Reyes by surprise, and his bushy eyebrows climb up to his near invisible hairline. "With Ana?" He laughs, a low roll with none of the earlier texture. "I'm married, kid, but not to her."

Jesse doesn't point out that even a kid knows marriage doesn't mean faithfulness, especially not when you're friendly with a lady who looks like that. It doesn't matter anyway, really. The dangerous energy in Reyes has dissipated, leaving the man only frowning at him in puzzlement, and Jesse looks away from the scrutiny, reaches for a hat he doesn't have.

"You ever been arrested before, Jesse?"

That sounds like a trick question, so Jesse stays quiet, waiting to spot the tripwire.

"Didn't think so." Reyes nods, sussing out the truth effortlessly. He leans back against a table with his arms crossed, the table legs scrape over packed sand at his weight. "Going off what I heard from your charming Deadlock pals, half of you have never seen anything but this wild west bullshit. So let me explain how this plays out."

Reyes waits and Jesse says nothing; listening but feeling a hundred miles out. Reyes's low voice harmonizes well with the melancholy settling in his chest.

"You've basically got a few options; you can confess to every life you've allegedly tattooed into your arm there, or try to convince the judge you've just been playing around, that there's no way you've actually put four dozen men in the ground in the last, what, three years?"

"Four."

Jesse doesn't expect to hear Reyes pause at that, but there's a sound of him sucking at his teeth, three beats, and then an exhale. "Mary mother they start 'em early out here." Jesse watches a lizard skitter jerkily through the dust a few yards out and waits for Reyes to continue. "And you know what? If you'd kept your head down, that might've gotten you a sympathy verdict. Toss the kid a lifeline while the adults rot out of sight for the rest of their lives. But nah, you had to go be a show off. So what's everyone going to think when they find out about you making yourself an easy bet in the local death games down here? Trading ears for to make yourself a hot shot?"

Jesse had almost gotten lulled into it; a comfortable, detached acceptance that this was effectively the last day of his life. But the mention of the game jerks him back into the moment, and he stares at Reyes whose lips have curled on the sour story.

"Don't look so surprised. What did you think was going to happen when you and a few hundred other geniuses were handing a woman proof? Expected us to just never hear about it? Hell, soon everyone in the country's going to. Someone's case study is going to get famous, maybe one of your friends writes a book. Next you could be the one appearing in movies."

It feels like his heart has sunk all the way down into bowels. It's disorienting to realize that the idea of having his story in movies actually makes him feel nauseous. Jesse forces a smile but feels it curdling, "Hope they make me hot."

"Would that make it worth it, kid? Get yourself a household name? You sure got it spread out pretty far down here."

"I didn't ask for that," Jesse grates out without looking Reyes in the eye.

"Sure you didn't, just branded your arm up so everyone would know."

"So what?" Jesse spits as his back goes up, more cornered than he'd felt handcuffed to a chair thirty minutes ago. "I live here, asshole, I might as well be good at it."

"How's that working out for you now?"

"I'm still alive!" The shout emerges hoarse and already tired, the effort of raising his voice lights up a pain behind his eyes from the remnants of the injury that had put him in the hospital. "I get to eat every night, I get to shoot all I want, most of the people who'd want to kill me are too scared to try."

Reyes isn't surprised by the outburst exactly, Jesse can't imagine Reyes ever looking like Jesse managed to get one up on him. But his mouth stays closed so Jesse keeps letting his flap.

"Must be nice to just get to ride up in a place you've never given a shit about, toss everyone in prison, then drop by D.C. to collect your medals from the President for taking out the trash. Nice of you to clean up the place for everyone who got to abandon the rest of us when the omnics hit." Not that Jesse remembers when they crossed the border, rolling north in from the Sonora omnium, but he'd heard the story enough from people who hadn't been toddlers at the time that he pictures it as a tidal wave of uneven metal, glinting bright enough to blind as it breaks across the desert. "Maybe you'll get another movie out of it. Sure would help out your public image about now, right ex-Commander?"

As soon as the words pass his lips he feels like they shouldn't have, but the blood is too hot in his head to care now. He steels himself for a fight, fists rolled, ready to give back what he can against the raw force he'd felt coiled inside Reyes since he first saw him.

But Reyes responds with an unimpressed and unperturbed frown. "Yeah, no one came to save you so you can't be held responsible, that's how it goes? Bet you've learned all kinds of lines so you can sleep at night while kids younger than you are killing themselves and each other with the guns your buddies put in their hands."

Jesse glares, struggles not to lose eye contact then does anyway. The problem isn't that Reyes is right, the problem is that he doesn't know the fucking half of it.

The blood rushing through his temples has cooled, but it does nothing for the splitting pain electrifying the space behind his eyes. Abruptly he just wants to be shoved into a cell so he can call it a day. Maybe it would be dark and quiet. Maybe he'd had more than enough sun in his life by now and spending whatever time was left in a place without windows wouldn't be so bad after all.

"What do you even want, man?"

Jesse meant it as a dismissal, and a snotty one at that. Like being called kid over and over by strangers had made him want to live up to it. Whatever it takes as long as they can be done here.

But there is a loaded silence following Jesse's complaint. Jesse feels it coiling his gut like Reyes has his hand on the trigger and is deciding whether or not to pull, and has to double check that the man isn't really pointing a gun at him.

Reyes decides to fire.

"I want you to work for me."

The suggestion catches Jesse like he's finally found the ground after shooting for legends took him high into the sky and then shoved him into the air without a parachute. A visceral pain crushes his diaphragm, making it impossible to breathe. The only sound he manages to get out is a weak and started "Oh."

And though he knows he must have a thousand questions, the only response to come to mind is okay.

Full fic on ao3

[pluckyredhead]

Daredevil 101: Born Again, Part 1

And we’re back!

Now I tried, guys. I really tried to condense this down as much as possible. But Born Again is the most famous Daredevil story - and one of the most famous comics - of all time. There’s so much to talk about: the plot itself, the craft, the impact, the character analysis, the religious symbolism. Parts of it really are That Good, while others are...less so (there are plot holes, and it pretty much falls apart at the end).

I had to break it up into two posts, and they’re gonna be long ones, but please stick with me - it’s worth it. (And of course, the comic itself is worth a read, for its landmark status if for nothing else.)

So. When last we left our hero, Nelson and Murdock had gone under and things were tense between Matt and his nearest and dearest - Foggy and Glori at this point, basically. It’s at this point that Frank Miller comes back to the book, teaming up with David Mazzucchelli, who frankly doesn’t get enough credit for the sheer beauty of his work.

We start in Mexico, where we see...Karen Page, who has been AWOL for nearly a decade at this point. When we last saw her, her Hollywood career was taking off, but...things have changed:

Karen is now a junkie, eking out a meager living by making really low rent porn, because in Frank Miller’s world, all women eventually become sex workers. It’s less the sex work that bothers me - though it’s part of a gross pattern for Miller - and more how low Karen’s morals have sunk here, and the abuse she suffers in this storyline. She’ll turn it around, though! (P.S. Deborah Ann Woll’s absolute disdain for this plotline brings me so much joy.)

Back in New York, Matt is blissfully unaware that his life has just been destroyed:

These opening splash pages of the first four issues, all of Matt asleep, are famous and with good reason. If you took out the rest of the comics, they’d still tell a story. Anyway, even though his full bed is oddly narrow, please take note of how sprawled out he is. He’s still twisted in the sheets, but he’s taking up horizontal space as well as vertical.

(Also, this is just gorgeous. Look at that lighting!)

But Matt wakes up to a very bad day:

Those last two panels are, of course, the machinations of Fisk, who is using his knowledge of Matt’s secret identity - and his enormous behind-the-scenes pull - to systematically destroy Matthew Murdock’s finances, credibility, and life.

To add insult to injury, that cassette tape is Glori breaking up with Matt for being flaky and emotionally unavailable, which...legit, honestly.

And the hits keep coming:

Matt’s never really had financial problems as an adult - even when first the Storefront and then Nelson and Murdock were struggling, Foggy insulated him from that by taking on all the bookkeeping responsibility himself. (Whether or not Foggy wanted to do that, or whether either of them ever acknowledge that that’s not fair, is never addressed.) Even though he’s unemployed at the start of this story, you can see how cocky he is about how quickly he’ll bounce back in the first panel of the page above this. Born Again never really delves into the class issues at play here - nor do any Daredevil comics, really - but for someone who has been tremendously well off for his entire adult life but who grew up in poverty, this must be even more of a nightmare.

Meanwhile, Glori’s apartment gets broken into and trashed. Uncomfortable calling Matt, who she just dumped, she calls Foggy instead (remember, he’s an ex-in-law as well as a friend). He rushes over, helps her file the police report, and gives her a place to stay when she’s too freaked out to sleep at home. And, well...

This is a little fast, yes - and it’s a rebound for the recently-divorced Foggy as well as for Glori - but hey, they’re both free agents and she’s not Matt’s property. (Foggy is a perfect gentleman and sleeps on the couch while Glori takes the bedroom, btw.) But as far as I’m concerned, Glori has the right idea: ride the Murdock train as long as it’s fun, then hop off and let Foggy comfort you and ply you with coffee in front of a cozy fire.

Meanwhile, the cruelest blow of all strikes Matt: a cop named Manolis, a former witness in one of Matt’s trials, comes forward and says Matt bribed him to lie on the stand. Matt stands in very real danger of losing his freedom, let along his legal license. Fisk is gleeful:

Please note Fisk fanboying over Foggy in that last panel. Please also note how gorgeous that last panel is. I want to see a whole comic in grayscale from Mazzucchelli (and colorist Christie Scheele).

Foggy manages to get Matt’s sentence reduced to being disbarred and not fined or jailed. And, well, I could’ve probably cut this next page but I’m always gonna include avocado hugs:

Aw. P.S. Foggy why do you look like you’re going to the opera right now.

Devastated, ruined, and barely clinging to sanity, Matt returns home - but here’s where Fisk screws up. He can’t resist that final grandstand play, even though he knows he shouldn’t do it:

He blows up Matt’s house.

Despite having someone to blame, Matt’s sanity is fraying even faster, especially since he’s effectively cash poor and homeless. (SWEETIE. GO STAY WITH FOGGY.) And so we get the opening of issue #2 (yeah, that was all one issue up there!):

Compare this to the first issue splash and you can see how much more twisted and compressed Matt is, how tangled around himself he’s become. (This pose in particular is homaged again and again, especially by Samnee.) When he wakes, his thoughts are equally tangled:

In his rambling, broken thoughts you can see that he’s losing it - struggling to follow the thread of what’s happened to him and what his plan is. I love the way Mazzucchelli draws his arms up like that, held up for a block but also like he’s trying to figure out a way to fit into those compressed, claustrophobic vertical panels.

And then:

This is the very next page, and I honestly gasped aloud the first time I saw it. It’s such a brilliant visual contrast - Matt in tight, twisted red verticals; Fisk in these expansive blue horizontals. Fisk fits perfectly in his panel. He has plenty of breathing room. He owns the whole city. It’s so wonderfully, masterfully done.

Matt pulls it together enough to call Foggy for help, but Glori answers at 7 am - remember, she spent a chaste night at Foggy’s - and Matt, already paranoid to the point of irrationality, snaps further. He starts calling over and over again, veering between threatening them and begging Foggy for help because there’s definitely something wrong with him:

He makes his way outside, vaguely on his way to kill the Kingpin, but goes into another paranoid funk on the subway and attacks a cop. He leaves more pleading messages for Foggy from a pay phone - but without putting any money in, so he’s hallucinating a lengthy conversation with the operator - and finally makes it to Fisk’s.

(Side note: Matt’s “insanity” is never specifically diagnosed as any particular condition and comes on very fast (though believably, in context). Take the depiction of mental illness in this story with a thirty-year-old grain of salt, please.)

Meanwhile, what’s up with Karen? Well, she’s still strung out, and now Fisk’s assassins are trying to kill her, so that he’s the only one alive who knows Matt’s secret. All Karen knows is that she needs to get to New York, where Matt can protect her.

Simultaneously, Matt makes it to Fisk’s:

It doesn’t go well for him. (And yes, Fisk wears a speedo a LOT in the comics.)

Fisk kicks his ass, then has his underlings douse Matt’s unconscious body with whiskey, stick him in a stolen cab, and push it into the river, so that the cops will assume Matt got drunk in the aftermath of his ruined life and drove blindly off the docks.

But.

Now in these panels Fisk’s blues are giving way to red, and though they’re still horizontal, they no longer have the peaceful majesty of the ones above. He’s too big in the second and too small in the third; he doesn’t fit comfortably in his space anymore. His control is crumbling. #VISUALSTORYTELLING

Anyway, Matt survived! He makes it from the East River to Hell’s Kitchen (which is on the Hudson, but whatever), where he is promptly hit by a cab, then passes out in the garbage, because he is Matt Murdock.

In his little garbage nest, he dreams of a mysterious woman who came to him in the hospital, right after he was blinded:

And so we begin issue #3:

IN THE LITERAL GARBAGE. #trashpigeon Curled tighter and tighter because he’s still on his downward spiral. In fact, he is promptly stabbed after this. Because why not, at this point?

Meanwhile, Ben has started to investigate Matt’s disbarment, because he knows Matt wouldn’t bribe a witness. He goes to talk to Officer Manolis, the witness in question, and discovers that Manolis has a sick child and that Fisk is paying for his medical care...conditionally. But the son dies, so Manolis agrees to spill to Ben:

Matt collapses at Fogwell’s.

Meanwhile, that nurse, Lois, is actually one of Fisk’s enforcers:

Ben is effectively silenced for a few terrified issues, and the Manolis lead is dead in the water (and literally).

But salvation is coming! Literally, because Matt is found by a nun who brings him back to her church and nurses him back to health:

This is the start of issue #4. I’ll get into the rest of the issue in the next post, but I wanted to include this with the three splash pages above (and the last page of #3 ends with an equally religious pose, with Maggie holding Matt Pieta-style. Here we see Matt almost-but-not-quite in the crucifixion pose - his arms are down but held awkwardly out, his legs together in a way no one would ever sleep, a wound in his side. He’s even got a Jesus beard.

[EDIT: @lifted-nevermore helpfully pointed out to me that "the pose in the last splash reads a lot more as Jesus rising from his tomb to his disciples after his three days of death. Less crucifixion and more resurrection” which of course is a far more logical interpretation, given the story context. Whoops!]

This is the heaviest religious imagery we’d get in Daredevil until “Guardian Devil” 25 years later, and honestly the show hits that note harder than the comics ever have. But here’s where Catholicism and Matt Murdock become inextricably linked. (Obviously there have been religious themes throughout the story, they didn’t start with this page.)

But who is Maggie, and why did she come looking for him? How does Matt get his life back together? What will happen to Karen, and Ben, and Foggy and Glori? STAY TUNED.

[risenbeast]

Dear God, why would you want to know all these things?

Tagged by: @posttraumaticennui​

Tagging: Hmmm. @thenightmarescontinue​ - Have you done the thing yet? ¯\/(°-°)\/¯ 

LAST…

[1] drink: Sparkling water. <3 [2] phone call: Fuck, I have no idea. Uhm. -checks- My mother, a month ago. [3] text message: Literal text message? Paypal telling me I got money. [4] song you listened to: If we’re talking actual songs with lyrics, Wake the White Wolf by Miracle of Sound [5] time you cried: I honestly don’t remember. Months and months ago

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: Nah. [7] been cheated on: Yes. He told (and broke up with) me on my birthday, no less. [8] kissed someone and regretted it: Yes [9] lost someone special: Not a person, but yes. [10] been depressed: Nope. [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Not even gotten drunk without the throwing up part.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

(I hate you...)

[12] Blue [13] Green [14] Red (a really dark one)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Yeah! <3 [16] fallen out of love: No. [17] laughed until you cried: A lot.  [18] found out someone was talking about you: ... yes, unfortunately. [19] met someone who changed you: Yes. [20] found out who your true friends are: Never needed to ‘find out’. [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Don’t have facebook^^

GENERAL…

[22] How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Still don’t have facebook. [23] Do you have any pets: Yessssss, a budgie. I love her, little shit that she is [24] Do you want to change your name: Eh... No. [25] What did you do for your last birthday: I ... uhm. Nothing, really. My grandparents came over for a cup of coffee? [26] What time did you wake up: 11-ish. Then went back to bed until 3 because I’m sick. [27] What were you doing at midnight last night: Drawing. [28] Name something you cannot wait for: CERTAIN BOOKS CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE NOT WRITING. ... Ahem. If that doesn’t count, for humanity to grow the fuck up. [29] When was the last time you saw your mother: January [30] What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: The way my father affected it. ... or his presence in it in general. [31] What are you listening to right now: The Witcher soundtrack. [32] Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yep. Hated him. [33] Something that is getting on your nerves: My boyfriend’s tendency to just not talk to me, to be honest... [34] Most visited website: Youtube, probably. [35] Elementary: Good grades, friends, fun. [36] High school: And there went my good grades, friends, and the fun, and I blame my father. [37] College: With any luck, starting in September. [38] Hair colour: Dyed (usually brown/blue, currently brown/red/copper/blond, naturally a dark blond) [39] Long or short hair: Short hair. The time I save when drying it... Heaven. [40] Do you have a crush on someone: Yeeeeeeh. [41] What do you like about yourself? My determination, I suppose. And my eyes. [42] Piercings: Regular earrings. Used to have one higher up (Helix piercing), but someone ripped it out.

[43] Blood type: I THINK it’s AB? Not sure, I’d have to check. [44] Nickname: Ty, Satan [45] Relationship status: In one [46] Zodiac sign: Taurus [47] Pronouns: She/Her [48] Fav TV show: How much time do you have? (iZombie, Lucifer, Merlin, Game of Thrones, Sherlock, Outlander,  Star Trek, ... and about ten more, but let’s be honest, no one cares) [49] Tattoos: Getting one. Not sure what yet, though. [50] Right or left handed: Mostly right, but not entirely.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: Didn’t have any. [52] piercing: Ears.  [53] best friend: (that I can remember) Daniel. Used to be my neighbour.  [55] vacation: Uhm. ... I was five. I THINK it was Majorca. [56] pair of trainers: I - honestly have no clue.

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Pizza [58] drinking: Coke [59] I’m about to: Go play Don’t Starve - and RP. Yes, both. [60] listening to: Still the Witcher soundtrack [61] waiting for: BOOKS. MOSTLY THE DOORS OF STONE. GIMME. [62] want: Back rubs? Or an actual massage, tbh. [63] get married: Hahahahahahahaha.... -- No. We’ll see if it ever happens, to be honest. [64] career: Freelance artist, I suppose. 

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] Hugs or kisses: HUGS. [66] Lips or eyes: Eyes. [67] Shorter or taller: Taller. Then I can ask them to hand me things. [68] Older or younger: Personally? Don’t care. [69] Romantic or spontaneous: Both. [70] Nice arms or nice stomach: … I... want to say arms? But also, who really cares? [71] Sensitive or loud: I’d bet that sensitive people are louder, anyway... [72] Hook up or relationship: Relationship [73] Troublemaker or hesitant: What I prefer? Troublemakers. Bound to have fun with them.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger? No. [75] drank hard liquor? Yes. [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [77] turned someone down? Yep. [78] sex on first date? Preferably neither on the first, nor any others, to be honest. [79] broken someone’s heart? I... hope not? [80] had your own heart broken? Yeah. [81] been arrested? Nope. [82] cried when someone died? Yes. [83] fallen for a friend: Yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself? In certain regards. Not so much in others.  [85] miracles? No. [86] love at first sight? Walk by again and I’ll tell you. [87] Santa Claus? No, but in my family’s desire to make me happy. [88] Kiss on the first date? If you want to, sure. Why not? [89] angels? No.

OTHER…

[90] Current best friend’s name: I’m gonna staple an S to that. NameS. Because I can’t choose ONE. There’s Alex, there’s Anne-Laure, there’s Didi, there’s Jenny, there’s Kim, there’s ... do you see my problem?  [91] Eye colour: Blue, most of the time. Sometimes grey. Sometimes green-ish. [92] Favourite movie: I read that and immediately forgot every single movie I’ve ever watched. But going by what my dad liked to tell me, I’ll leave it at Disney’s Robin Hood, because I went through like 5 VHS of those.