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wongyuseokie · 1 year

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There Was Only One Bed | k.s.y

Summary: You like Soonyoung, and Soonyoung likes you. You won’t tell him, and he won’t confess either, and your friends are tired of the back and forth and after concocting an elaborate plan that leaves you to share a room with the man you’re hopelessly in love in the hopes of a confession, or at least a night of torrid lovemaking. ☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ☁︎ angst | ♕smut | ♥︎ completed

Word Count: 7714 words

Pairing(s): Kwon Soonyoung x Female Reader Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): Fluff, Smut. Some angst. Friends to lovers. Idiots to lovers, honestly. Featuring SeokBoo of BSS as a meddling and very nosy besties.

Content Warnings: Smut, fluff, mentions of sex toys, alcohol and YN and Soonyoung are just very clueless. Mentions of tigers, duh it’s a Hoshi fic. Miscommunication, Y/N over thinks and Soonyoung doesn’t think.

Smut Warnings: Teasing, dirty talk, mentions of masturbation, use of sex toys on female, squirting, cum licking. Overstimulation. Oral (f receiving). Unprotected sex (don’t do this irl). Dom! Soonyoung. Pet names (kitten), praise kink. Slight choking kink. Idk what happened; I lost my mind. Cumming in trousers, sunscreen smut, sort of? It gets smutty while he puts sunscreen on her—breast play. Mentions of dick biting. Author's Note 1: Thank you so much to @here4btsfics for beta'ing this ilysm! Also thank you so much to @seungkwansphd for reading this over for me too!! Author's Note 2: Happy Birthday, to our resident tiger (ik it's not time yet in SK, but I'm very sleepy, so this will be posted now. Hehe! HORANGHAE 💕 Cross Posted to AO3 © wongyuseokie 2023. All rights reserved.

“I like that idea,” you said, sipping your drink as you smiled at your best friend, Soonyoung.

“Of course you do. You like anything he says, just like you, ow!” Seungkwan yelped as you smacked his forearm.

“I liked his idea because it was good,” you retorted, and Seungkwan just pouted.

“Jeez, you both argue like primary school kids in love,” Soonyoung joked, making you and Seungkwan pretend to gag simultaneously.

“God no, besides, I’m not the one Y/N’s in love with,” Seungkwan responded with a wink, and you glared at him and sank further into your seat.

“Wait, Y/N, I’m your best friend, and you didn’t tell me you like someone? But you told him?” Soonyoung asked dramatically, and you shrugged.

“I didn’t tell him. I like your plan. We’ll rent an Airbnb for two weeks for the summer.”

“Alright, it’s all booked. I’m wiped. I’m heading home. Anyone wants a ride?” Soonyoung offered as he shut his laptop and looked around the room.

“Nah, Seokmin hyung fell asleep an hour ago,” Seungkwan added, “I’ll just let him crash here, but it’s late, so Y/N either you crash too, or Soonyoung Hyung can drop you home,” Seungkwan added with a wink.

“Do you mind?” You asked, turning to face Soonyoung, who shook his head.

He could tell you you wanted to talk to Seungkwan or scold him. There was an awkward tension between the two of you, and he wanted to give you an excuse to do so.

“Why are you being such a little shit?” You asked Seungkwan the second Soonyoung stepped out of the apartment.

“It’s painful to see you stare at him so lovingly and not do anything about it,” Seungkwan responded.

“I’ll tell him. I promise,” you said, your voice softer this time, making Seungkwan smile softly at you.

“Look, I’m telling you he feels the same way, and if you keep putting it off, you’ll end up repeating what happened two years ago,” Seungkwan recalled making you frown at the memory.

2 Years Ago

“Wish me luck, guys. I’m going to go tell him now,” you said to Seokmin and Seungkwan.

“But you’re tipsy. Don’t you want to tell him when you’re sober?” Seokmin suggested.

“Nah, Seok, if I wait. I’ll never tell him,” you admitted.

“Then, best of luck to you!” Seungkwan said eagerly, wrapping you into a big hug, patting your head, and sending you on your way.

You smiled at Seokmin and Seungkwan and went further into Soonyoung’s apartment. He was hosting a housewarming party, and you last recalled him going into his bedroom, and you thought it’d be the perfect time to tell him your feelings.

Soonyoung was flirty with you and cuddly, so you thought there was a chance he would also share the same feelings as you, and there was the time you both shared a very passionate–albeit drunken–kiss during your third year in university. Which was nearly two years ago. You were both working adults now, but you held onto the hope that he thought about the kiss as often as you did.

You took a deep breath as you stood outside Soonyoung’s room, and then fixed your shirt and hair and slowly turned the doorknob, and you were greeted with a sight that broke your heart.

Soonyoung and another girl, their limbs tangled in bed together, their lips locked as his hand was inside her jeans, and you could only guess that his fingers were inside her given how her hands clutched and tugged on the bedsheets.

“Soonie, so good, oh my god!” The girl shrieked, making you jump and accidentally knock on the side of the door, making both of them turn to face you.

“Sorry! Fuck. I was looking for you, Soonyoung. I’m heading home,” you sputtered, running out of the room and walking swiftly out of his house.

Soonyoung didn’t chase you that night, but he didn’t have to. He didn’t cheat, nor did he know of your feelings. He just broke your heart, but that wasn’t his fault.

You were having your morning tea the following day when you heard Seokmin and Seungkwan yelling outside your apartment. You let them in and recounted the story to them. You hadn’t realised you were crying until Seungkwan pulled you into a hug, and Seokmin wiped a stray tear off your face.

That day you made them swear they’d never tell Soonyoung about it, and it was okay. There was no malice in Soonyoung’s actions, just unfortunate timing, and while the two men protested. They finally agreed.

Sooonyoung also reached out to you later that day, apologising for what you saw, and you brushed it off and told him it was okay. It did comfort you to know she was just a hookup and nothing more, but you just learnt that maybe he didn’t think about the kiss the way you did, which was okay. You’d just have to be okay with being his best friend.

“You good?” Soonyoung asked that evening when you got into his car.

“Seungkwan seemed to be giving you a hard time?” Soonyoung probed, and you shrugged.

“Ah, you know how he can be.”

“Nosy,” you both said simultaneously, and then laughing.

“So, are you excited about a beach getaway? Because I sure as hell am!” Soonyoung asked excitedly as he drove.

“Yeah! Thank you so much for helping with the planning!”

“Of course, a beach villa and my three besties. What more could I want?” Soonyoung said excitedly, and you smiled at him.

“Besties.” Right, that’s all you’d ever be, and you’d have to accept it. You’d just figure out a way to get over him eventually.

“I’m so sorry, Seokmin. Repeat that last part because I think you said you somehow managed to get a villa with only two rooms?” You asked, glaring at Seokmin, who avoided your gaze like the plague.

“Y/N, it’s fine. We can share,” Soonyoung offered, and you almost wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Usually, you wouldn’t object, but rooming with your best friend during a beach holiday – where he’d be prancing around shirtless, not that he needed an excuse to take his shirt off – was a recipe for disaster for you.

“Plus, you two have shared rooms before,” Seungkwan singsonged, and you redirected your glare to him.

“Yeah, Y/N, we have. Unless the guy you like would object?” Soonyoung asked, and you gawked at him, unable to speak.

“No, I don't think he would. Now can you both get settled? I want to go to the beach!” Seokmin interjected, making you glare at him once again.

“I can sleep on the couch if it makes you uncomfortable,” Soonyoung offered once you were inside your bedroom. It was a vast room. It was probably the size of your entire apartment, with a huge bathroom.

“No, Soonie. I’m sorry for overreacting. I guess I thought we’d all have our space so we’d not bother each other with our unique sleeping habits,” you lied lamely.

“Oh please, we’ve been friends for how long? I know all your sleeping habits. You just turn into a little koala, and it’s adorable,” Soonyoung teased, making you roll your eyes at him.

“What about you? You end up holding me so tight that I can’t escape the next morning,” you whined, and Soonyoung shrugged.

“First I’ve heard you complain,” Soonyoung mumbled, making you smile.

“Anyways. Shall we get changed and head to the beach? I got 5 texts from Seokmin in all caps saying that he’ll drown me and feed me to a shark,” Soonyoung said with a smile.

“Please, Seokmin would have to see a shark in the ocean and would just end up screaming bloody murder,” you sassed, making Soonyoung laugh.

“Let me change real quick, and we can head out?” You offered, and Soonyoung nodded, lying on the bed while you changed.

“I’m sorry you’re wearing that?” Soonyoung exclaimed the minute you got out of the bathroom, and your arms immediately wrapped around your waist, feeling extremely exposed at his reaction.

“Fuck, no. I didn’t mean it badly,” Soonyoung said gently as he got off the bed and walked towards you.

“Then?” You asked.

“I meant, shit, you look hot,” Soonyoung admitted, and you removed your arms from your waist and smiled at him.

“I can say the same for you,” you said, ushering to his now shirtless form, and he shrugged.

“Shit. Maybe wear a cover-up? I don’t want creeps looking at you,” Soonyoung mumbled, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Oh please, I’ll be with you, Seungkwan and Seokmin.”

“Exactly,” Soonyoung joked, making you laugh.

“I’m so telling Seungkwan you called him a creep,” you teased, making Soonyoung’s eyes widen in panic.

“No, don’t! He will actually drown me.”

“Damn, girl, you look fine!” Seokmin complimented once you and Soonyoung reached the beach, where he and Seungkwan were waiting. His compliment made you giggle, and Soonyoung glared at him.

“What?” Seokmin asked, and Soonyoung huffed.

“Oh, don’t be jealous. Can’t I compliment a beautiful girl?” Seokmin asked innocently, and Soonyoung huffed again.

“Jealous of what? She’s our friend, and her eyes are up there!” Soonyoung scolded, and you frowned at Soonyoung’s words.

You thought that Soonyoung – given how he reacted to you privately – meant that he was somewhat attracted to you, but that hope withered away when he scolded Seokmin and used the term friend. The word was sticking to you like glue.

“Whatever, y’all bicker. I’m going for a dip,” you mumbled, walking away from your friends and making your way into the crystal clear waters.

You had to admit, despite your feelings for Soonyoung, the water, the beach and the much-needed getaway were wonderful, and you’d forever be thankful to Soonyoung for planning it. You didn’t know how much time had passed, but you were simply wading in the water and enjoying the way the water kissed your skin.

“Boo!”

“Soonie! I swear I’ll drown you!”

“Aww, don’t be that way,” Soonyoung said as he wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his head on your shoulder, making you gulp slightly. His toned arms felt so good wrapped around your bare waist, and you turned around in his embrace to face him.

“What?” You asked, trying to act unaffected by his touch and proximity.

“You stormed off then. Are you okay?” Soonyoung asked.

“It felt nice to be complimented, and you shut it down. I don’t know. It made me feel like you disagreed, and then I got into my head and went for a swim,” you babbled, making Soonyoung smile at you.

“You look amazing. I didn’t shut it down because I disagreed, I just don’t like when someone else is so flirty with you,” Soonyoung mumbled.

“Why?” You asked.

“You can never trust someone’s intentions,” Soonyoung responded lamely.

“Oh, please, it was Seokmin,” you argued, and Soonyoung shrugged.

“You know one day I’ll date someone, right? To do that, I’ll have to be open to flirting and engaging in such behaviour,” you asked.

“Just don’t tell me the details when you do,” Soonyoung joked, and your face fell, and you moved his arms off you.

“You know, I walked in on you, knuckle deep in a girl, and I don’t give you shit or act like it’s gross, so why do you do it with me?” You asked, trying to stay as still as possible, which was a difficult task considering you argued with him while submerged in the sea.

“Why are you taking all this so personally? Are my jokes just not landing?” Soonyoung asked cluelessly, and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Forget it. You don’t get it. Look, I’m just going to head back to the room. I’ll see you guys for dinner. I’m turning into a prune after being in the water for so long,” you joked, placing a hand on Soonyoung’s arm and giving it a slight squeeze.

“Will you be okay to go back alone?” Soonyoung asked, and you nodded, gave him a side hug, and made your way out of the water and back to the villa.

You had only been resting on the balcony in your room for thirty minutes when a cough interrupted your daydreams.

“Soonie?” You asked, looking up at him, and what a sight it was. Tanned skin and defined, wet abs that seemed to trail endlessly.

“May I join?” Soonyoung asked, pointing to the couch you had sprawled on, and you nodded, slowly moving to get up. Soonyoung stopped you, opting to sit down, his back against the armrest, and helped you adjust so that you were laying between his thighs, your back pressed against his chest.

At this moment, you were in complete and utter bliss. You were also utterly fucked for not changing out of your bikini because the proximity and his touch would arouse you and make it obvious with your damp panties, and you knew your nipples would harden too.

“Aren’t you cold?” Soonyoung asked.

“Not anymore,” you mumbled.

“I’m sorry for what I said. Seungkwan hit me on the head with a plastic shovel, which I don't know where he got one from,” Soonyoung trailed off, making you giggle as you turned around in his embrace and sat up to sit between his legs.

“You are, respectfully, very fucking hot, but the idea of someone else saying it to you makes me annoyed, and it's not because it’s gross, but I don’t know. It feels like you’ll flirt back, and then someone will take you away from me, and I’ll be left friendless,” Soonyoung mumbled, making you smile fondly at his pouting form.

“Oh, you are a goober, but you’re my goober, even if I date someone. I can’t leave you behind,” you said, throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him, and his arms naturally wrapped around your bare waist, and he pulled you in closer and had to bite your lip to hold back the gasp you were tempted to let out when you felt his bare chest pressed against your barely clothed one.

Soonyoung didn’t seem to mind the tight embrace either, as he only tightened his grip, his hand running along your exposed back.

“Uh...are we interrupting?” A voice said, making you pull away from Soonyoung, and you glared at the intruder.

“No, Seokmin, you are not,” you said, gritting your teeth.

“Well, you two looked like you were one step away, ow!” Seokmin yelped when Seungkwan nudged him hard in the ribs, and you mentally reminded yourself to thank Seungkwan later.

“Did you have something to say?” Soonyoung asked, his hands never leaving your waist.

“Yeah, dinner at the local restaurant at 7?” Seungkwan asked. Soonyoung nodded at him, and Suengkwan took it as his cue to drag Seokmin away with him.

“Should we get ready?” Soonyoung asked once the other two left, and you nodded slowly.

“But I’m comfy,” you whined, making him smile.

“More cuddles once we’re back tonight, I promise, and this time, I’ll lock the door,” Soonyoung said, making you smile.

“Okay, okay! So Seok, I gotta ask, why did you have stitches on your dick last month?” Soonyoung asked, he was tipsy, and his filter was gone, not that he had much of one to begin with.

Dinner had gone well, it was calm, relaxed and filled with good conversation, but after dinner, you four decided to hit up a bar, and after three shots and two drinks, none of you were pulling any punches when it came to nosy questions.

“Dude! I told you that in confidence!” Seokmin whined, and Soonyoung shrugged.

“Wait, stitches on your dick?” You asked, unable to stop the laugh that followed the question.

“Listen, she didn’t know what she was doing and decided to give my amazing dick a chomp,” Seokmin blurted out, making you all giggle.

“I’m sorry, did you just call your dick amazing?” Seungkwan interjected.

“It is,” Seokmin protested.

“I don’t think you can be the one to say it,” Seungkwan pondered, making you and Soonyoung laugh.

“Well, it was nice enough for her to want to take a bite out of it!” Seokmin defended, making you all laugh again.

“Seok, no offence, that is not a good thing. Why did she chomp?” You asked, making Seokmin frown.

“You never use teeth, jeez, that's like oral 101,” you mumbled, the alcohol loosening your lips.

“I’m sorry?” Soonyoung asked, inching closer to you.

“What do you mean?” Soonyoung asked, and you giggled.

“Are you saying you’re sexually active? My sweet innocent child!” Seungkwan exclaimed dramatically.

“Dude, I’m older than you?” You countered.

“Can we change the topic? I do not fancy hearing about my friend’s sex lives, especially such pathetic dick-biting ones,” Seungkwan complained, making you all laugh, except Seokmin, who smacked Seungkwan’s arm.

“Gladly,” Soonyoung mumbled, shooting you a look you’d never seen before, but it made you clench for some reason.

“What?”

“What, what?”

“Soonyoung, you’ve been staring at me funny since the bar, the walk back to the villa, and even now in our room. You’re, like, glaring at me?” You explained, and Soonyoung stared at you as you plopped down on the bed, and he sat across from you.

“Something you said won’t leave my mind,” Soonyoung mumbled.

“What?”

“Oral 101.”

“Oh.”

“What about it?” You asked.

“You’ve given oral?” Soonyoung asked.

“I’ve had a boyfriend…why is this shocking to you?” You asked, confused at his reaction.

“It’s not shocking to me, but it's the idea of it. It’s uh,” Soonyoung fumbled.

“Let me guess, gross?” You assumed and tried to get off the bed, but Soonyoung reacted quicker than you, wrapping his hand around your wrist and pulling you onto his lap.

“I mean,” his voice an octave lower, making you gulp.

“I mean, kitten. It’s making my pants tighter, the image of you doing it,” Soonyoung said huskily, and you failed to suppress the slight whimper that left your lips.

“Kitten?” You squeaked.

“You like it. I can tell,” Soonyoung boasted, and you glared at him.

“Soonie, we’re friends. We shouldn’t,” you mumbled.

“Tell me you aren’t turned on right now, and I’ll stop,” Soonyoung said.

“Fuck you,” you grumbled.

“Oh, trust me. I want you to,” Soonyoung said cockily.

“But we’re friends, and friends don’t fuck,” you mumbled.

“We’re on holiday, and rules don’t apply on holiday,” Soonyoung mumbled, his hand squeezing your hip, making you roll your hips again and groan.

“Kitten,” Soonyoung warned.

“I guess, then, on holiday, friends do fuck?” You said, giggling, and that’s all it took for Soonyoung to press his lips to yours, and you kissed him back. His lips were even softer than you could have dreamt of. They felt full and plush as they moved against yours.

You knew this arrangement would end in heartache, but selfishly you’d rather have him in some capacity than never have him. You knew your guardian angel was working overtime but didn’t care, not when he felt so good against you.

“Do you have any idea how fucking good you looked tonight? Your body in this dress?” Soonyoung praised, his voice low, as he moved to wrap your legs around his waist. The action made you moan into the kiss, allowing him to slip his tongue inside your mouth, deepening the kiss.

You felt Soonyoung harden under his tight trousers and rubbed against his length.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he moaned, his hands grabbing your ass, squeezing and helping you rub against his length. You rubbed harder, noticing his breaths get more shallow as you rubbed against him.

“Fuck Y/N, I'm going to cum,” he warned and held your hips tightly against his. You felt him slowly soften underneath you. He pulled you in for a kiss.

“Fucking hell, I didn't think I would cum in my trousers at 26,” Soonyoung breathed, and you giggled at him.

“Fuck, this is not how I wanted it to go,” Soonyoung mumbled, turning slightly red, and you kissed his cheek.

“I found it very fucking hot,” you admitted.

“Wait, lay down. I need to taste you,” Soonyoung said, and you shook your head.

“Don’t rush it. We’ve still got a few days, savour it,” you teased.

“Oh, I fucking plan to.”

The following morning, you had woken up earlier than Soonyoung, and you were concerned that he’d regretted last night. Instead of confronting the issue, you decided to shower, change into a bikini, sit on the balcony, soak up the sun, and ignore your reality.

You weren’t sure when you dozed off, but Soonyoung’s voice awoke you.

“You know you should put on sunscreen if you’re going to bask in the sun like that,” Soonyoung suggested, making you look up at him smiling.

“Also, you look adorable when you doze off. I’ve been here for a solid twenty minutes, and you had no clue because you were too busy sleeping,” Soonyoung rambled as he handed you a glass of orange juice.

“You watched me sleep? Who are you, Edward Cullen?” You teased.

“I’m hotter,” Soonyoung joked, and you rolled your eyes at him before taking a sip of the juice, your eyes widening when you tasted the alcohol in it.

“It’s 10 am. Why is vodka in this?” you asked, and Soonyoung shrugged.

“It’s a holiday,” Soonyoung answered as sat down and joined you; his shirtless figure was so enticing that you wanted just to take him there, but you had to behave.

“Turn around. You’re not a Thanksgiving turkey. You don’t need to roast under the heat,” Soonyoung joked as you took another sip of your drink and placed it to the side.

“Huh?” You asked.

“I’ll put some sunscreen on you; otherwise, you’ll burn and then bitch at me,” Soonyoung joked. You scoffed at him but did as he said, you turned around, and Soonyoung moved to sit behind you and gently pulled you between his thighs, your lower back resting against his crotch. The thought made you moan internally, he wasn’t even hard, and you could feel him.

Your breath hitched when you felt Soonyoung start to massage your shoulders, and you moaned, melting into his touch, and Soonyoung, satisfied by your moans, continued his movements.

“If you keep moaning like that, the guys will think that I’m doing something else to you,” Soonyoung spoke as his mouth grazed the shell of your ear, making you press your thighs together to find some relief.

“Spread,” Soonyoung instructed as he moved his hands down to your thighs and rubbed the sunscreen into your thighs, his fingers grazing your pussy now and then, making your buck into his touch.

“Kitten, all I’m doing is putting sunscreen on you, and you’re moving and moaning like I’m fingering you,” Soonyoung spoke, making you clamp your thighs shut and turn around to face him.

Soonyoung’s smirk grew when he saw your flustered expression.

“What, pretty baby? Did my words turn you on?” Soonyoung asked as he wiped the remaining sunscreen onto his shorts and looked into your eyes as he spoke, and you let out a whimper making him chuckle.

“Come here, pretty baby, let me make you feel better,” Soonyoung said, pulling you taut against his body.

“Out here?” Your voice squeaked when Soonyoung’s hands found your breasts, palming the thin fabric, groaning as your nipples hardened under his touch.

“Yes, out here, kitten, what a lovely view,” Soonyoung said, smirking as he closed the gap between you by placing his lips on yours, making you moan into the kiss.

Soonyoung took the moment to slot his tongue in, deepening the kiss, making you groan as your hands tugged on his hair, making him moan into the kiss.

“You want more?” Soonyoung asked as he pulled away from the kiss, and you nodded.

“Do you trust me?” Soonyoung asked, and you nodded, making him smile. You gasped slightly when Soonyoung undid your bikini top, exposing your breasts and making him groan.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Soonyoung complimented, pulling the top off you and tossing it to the side.

“Soonyoung,” you yelped as he moved his mouth to wrap his plush lips around your nipple, making you shake in his grip. No man was ever able to make you feel like this.

With just a touch, you were a dripping mess for him.

Soonyoung took his time, massaging your other tit as he sucked on the other.

“Soonyoung,” you groaned as you pulled him off your chest by gently tugging on his hair,

“What?” Soonyoung asked, licking his lips.

“I’m going to explode if you don’t touch me,” you moaned, making Soonyoung smirk at you.

“I know, I can tell, but I want that, build your arousal and tension up so high that when you do explode, it’s all over my hand,” Soonyoung spoke as he pushed your bikini bottoms to the side, exposing your dripping cunt and swollen clit.

“Wouldn’t you like that?” Soonyoung asked as he moved his finger to your dripping entrance, wetting it with your arousal and moving it back to your throbbing clit.

“Wouldn’t you like that pretty baby?” Soonyoung asked. He pushed two fingers into you while his thumb rubbed on your clit.

“I know I would,” Soonyoung continued to speak as he fingered you.

“I know I’d like to see you fall apart, and baby, you’re so fucking wet. What if you squirted for me? That’s what I want, to tease you and touch you until you fall apart for me,” Soonyoung spoke, his every word inching you closer and closer to your orgasm.

“You’re shaking. Are you already close?” Soonyoung teased, knowing damn well you were. You shook your head furiously, unable to speak.

“Hang on, this is in the way,” Soonyoung said, suddenly pulling his fingers out of you and making you whine, “patience,” Soonyoung spoke as he pulled you off his lap and laid you down on the couch and pulled your bikini bottoms off your body.

“Ssh,” Soonyoung said, running a finger along your clit, shutting you up instantly.

“It’s just you and I,” Soonyoung assured you as he sat by your waist. His hand moved downwards and found your aching cunt again.

“Let go for me,” Soonyoung said as he thrust his long fingers in and out of your pussy, making you moan in pleasure as you grabbed his other arm playing with your breast for some support.

“Do you hear how fucking wet you are?” Soonyoung asked, and you sobbed a ‘yes,’ making him smirk.

“C’mon, pretty baby, cum all over my fingers. Show me how much you want to cum,” Soonyoung spoke as he kept fingering you, his fingers prodding against your g-spot with every thrust.

It didn’t take long for something to snap in you and have you cumming all over his long digits. You mewled as Soonyoung moved his fingers slowly, making you hiss at the overstimulation.

“Fuck Soonie, I can’t,” you cried out, trying to move his arm away and fingers out of your cunt.

Soonyoung ignored your pleas in favour of fingering you harder, making you cum all over his hand again, and looked up to take in your fucked out expression as he palmed his growing erection.

“Good? pretty baby,” Soonyoung asked.

“So so fucking good,” you mewled as he pulled you into a soft kiss.

A few minutes passed, and Soonyoung spoke.

“So, no regrets, right?” Soonyoung asked, and you turned to face him.

“None,” you mumbled, inching your face closer to place a kiss on his lips.

A knock on your bedroom startled the two of you.

“I’m going to hide in the bathroom. You go get it?” You offered, and Soonyoung nodded, pulling you in for another kiss and finally letting you go.

“So, want to tell me why I heard moaning from our balcony this morning?” Seungkwan questioned you later that day while you four roamed the local markets, looking for souvenirs.

“Maybe you’re just horny and hearing things?” You quipped, and Seungkwan glared at you.

“So you told Hyung about your feelings?” Seungkwan asked, and you looked away.

“Y/N!” Seungkwan scolded.

“Can you keep it down? He’ll hear you,” you pleaded, and Seungkwan scoffed.

“He and Seokmin Hyung are several feet away from us and fighting over a pineapple. He’s not looking here,” Seungkwan clarified, and you groaned at him.

“Look, fine, we fooled around, and no, I didn’t confess; I’d rather have him like this than not at all,” you confessed, and Seungkwan wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into a hug.

“You know he’s been extra touchy and cuddly. You never know. Honestly, he might reciprocate,” Seungkwan offered, and you sighed.

“He also might not. He cuddles anything with a pulse,” you mumbled.

“He cuddles his tiger plushies, too,” Seungkwan muttered, and you cracked a smile and turned around to face him.

“Shh, don’t let Soonie know. He honestly thinks they have a pulse,” you said, conspiringly, making Seungkwan laugh.

“I know you know what you’re doing. Seokmin Hyung and I will be there with ice cream and tissues,” Seungkwan assured you, making you grin.

“You guys done whispering?” Soonyoung asked, eyeing you and Seungkwan as he and Seokmin approached you with a pineapple in his hands.

“Why?” You asked, pointing to the pineapple.

“Well, I wanted to show y’all that I can rip one with my bare hands,” Seokmin boasted, making you laugh at him.

“Come on, I came out here to see the sights,” Soonyoung whined, and Seokmin pouted.

“Fine, later, tonight you can show us your super strength and crack a pineapple in half,” Soonyoung relented, making Seokmin grin, and you rolled your eyes at the duo. You truly had some strange but irreplaceable friends.

“Aren't you going to get ready for dinner?” Soonyoung asked when he saw you lying on the bed. After sightseeing, the four of you agreed to return to the villa to rest before heading out for dinner.

“I was, but the bed is so comfy, and hey! Why are you shirtless?” You asked, leaning up on your elbows, and Soonyoung smirked, looking at you.

“Like the view?”

“Yes, and wait, why are you sweating?” You asked.

“Seok and I snuck in a quick workout. You must like the view, kitten. You’re undressing what’s left of me with your eyes,” Soonyoung teased as he climbed onto the bed and inched closer to you until he was effectively straddling you.

“Soonie,” you let out a soft whine making him chuckle.

“God, I love that sound,” Soonyoung complimented as he bent down to kiss your neck, making you melt under his touch.

“Fuck, Soonie,” you hated how quickly you fell apart for him, but he was so intoxicating, and you just gave in.

“Ah,” Soonyoung mused, pulling away.

“We have dinner, kitten. Get ready,” he said with a smirk, and you wanted to slap the smirk off his handsome face.

“Don’t scowl at me, kitten. Don't you know pleasure is best received when you’re patient?” Soonyoung said wisely, and you flipped him off, making him laugh.

“I’m going to shower, so imagine me and my naked body while you can go to Seungkwan and Seokmin’s room to do so,” you added before storming into the bathroom and locking the door behind you, smirking because you heard Soonyoung whining.

But you ignored it; two could play this game.

“Ow! Can you watch it? It hurts!” Seokmin whined, and Seungkwan glared at him after accidentally bumping into Seokmin during dinner.

“See, this is why you don’t rip a pineapple in half with your bare hands,” Seungkwan sassed.

“It looked easier online,” Seokmin protested, making you and Soonyoung giggle.

“So first dick stitches, now an injured hand, damn Seok, you’re starting a track record for dumb injuries,” Soonyoung teased, making Seokmin frown.

“Only because I have no dirt on you. That’s why you’re so smug,” Seokmin whined, and Soonyoung shrugged.

“Well, I just don’t like to kiss and tell, literally,” Soonyoung mumbled, his words slurring slightly.

“What do you mean?” Seungkwan asked, knowing his answer would intrigue you, but you wouldn’t dare ask.

“If it’s a hookup, I wouldn’t kiss the girl. Makes it too romantic for me,” Soonyoung mumbled, and you swore you felt your heart clench and start to crack.

“But? What if you did kiss her during a hook-up?” Seungkwan asked.

“Then I like her, more than just a hook-up,” Soonyoung responded, and your heart felt like it paused on the cracking.

You and Soonyoung shared several kisses, but none of them was during sex explicitly. Sure, you were engaging in sexual activity, but actual intercourse? None and that was only because you both hadn’t had sex…yet.

“So, define a hook-up?” You mumbled.

“Penetrative sex,” Soonyoung answered, his gaze burning into yours, and you hated how your thighs pressed together.

“Okay, more shots. I don't fancy hearing any further,” Seokmin interrupted, and you were grateful for the change of conversation because now the only thing that plagued your mind would be if you were to have sex with Soonyoung, would he kiss you?

“Can you stop fidgeting?” Soonyoung groaned as you kept moving around.

After dinner, you guys all returned to the villa. Well, you and Soonyoung walked back, and Seungkwan and Seokmin hobbled and drunkenly waddled back. Still, now, you were lying in bed and unable to sleep, the alcohol and the arousal of Soonyoung’s words during dinner and his nearly naked form pressed against you, keeping you awake.

“I’m trying to get comfy,” you whined, making Soonyoung groan,

“You’ve been moving around for like ten minutes. What’s the issue?” Soonyoung asked, pulling you into his chest, his arm around your waist.

“The shirt,” you mumbled.

“Huh?” Soonyoung asked.

“I can’t sleep with this shirt on,” you mumbled.

“Then take it off,” Soonyoung offered, and you turned around in his embrace to face him.

“What?”

“If you’re uncomfy, then just take it off and sleep,” Soonyoung repeated, and you gawked at him.

“I can’t. I have nothing else on underneath,” you muttered, and Soonyoung shrugged.

“I promise you. I can behave. Besides, it won’t be the first time we’ve fallen asleep naked,” Soonyoung added, making you giggle.

“No funny business?” You said.

“I promise, I’ll even turn around so I’m not looking at your very attractive form,” Soonyoung teased with a wink earning him a glare.

“Soonyoung!”

“I still have eyes, Y/N. You can’t blame me,” Soonyoung joked as he turned over, his sculpted back facing you.

You took a deep breath and peeled your shirt off, leaving you in your lacy panties, which were unsurprisingly damp. You laid back, pulled the blanket up to your neck, and hoped you’d get through the night without any more disturbances.

Although you knew Soonyoung liked to cuddle when he slept, you were both equally hopeful that he’d try and equally terrified he would because you weren’t sure how you’d react to either. All you knew was that he’d only have to lay a finger on you to know how badly you wanted him.

You had possibly managed to get an hour's worth of sleep when you felt Soonyoung’s arms wrap around your waist and pull you in once against his chest. His hand rested dangerously low on your tummy, and you kept fidgeting, waking him up.

“What are you doing?” Soonyoung asked sleepily.

“I can’t sleep,” you lied.

“Count sheep,” Soonyoung mumbled, making you roll your eyes at him and slap his forearm.

“Ow! Smacking me isn’t a solution,” Soonyoung pouted.

“I’m not tired, I can’t sleep, and you cuddling me isn’t helping,” you complained.

“I thought you liked it when I cuddled you?” Soonyoung asked, his arm wrapping tighter around your waist, pulling you in closer, making you gasp when your lower back pressed into his aching core.

“I asked you something,” Soonyoung said, his voice low, and his hand pressed into your tummy, making you squirm.

“I do, but” your words died on your lips when he placed his lips on your bare shoulder.

“But what?” Soonyoung teased.

“But we’re not usually naked,” you muttered.

“Technically, we’re not,” Soonyoung corrected, making a slight whimper leave your lips.

“If you want your statement to be true, I’ll have to adjust a few things,” Soonyoung drawled.

“Like what?” You asked.

“Like this,” Soonyoung said as he placed his hand over the lace crotch part of your panties, and you heard him suppress a growl when he felt how wet they were.

“Fuck, didn’t you know if you sleep in wet clothes, you’ll get sick?” Soonyoung asked, his voice low and teasing.

“Soonie,” you whimpered softly, and Soonyoung simply pulled away and turned to lay on his back.

“Hey!” You whined.

“Soonie is not enough. You must want it. You call me Soonie when you want my food,” Soonyoung teased as he laid back on his back and shot you a smirk, and you glared at him, but the adrenaline and the arousal were too much, and you had to fix it.

You peeled off your soaking panties and straddled his muscular thighs making his eyes widen, and just for a second, you worried that you had gone too far, but within seconds his hands found your waist, and he held you in place.

“Fuck me,” you said, making Soonyoung buck his hips into you, making you whimper.

“That wasn’t asking nicely or begging,” Soonyoung teased, and you glared at him again.

“Either you make me cum, or I use my toy,” you threatened.

“You brought a toy with you? On a trip with your friends? On a trip where I’m rooming with you?” Soonyoung questioned, and you shrugged.

“Have you used it since?” Soonyoung asked, his eyes glowing with lust, and you shrugged again.

“Maybe,” which earned you a smack on your ass.

“Fuck!”

“Don’t tease me. When did you use the toy?” Soonyoung asked, and you shot him a smirk.

“Tonight, the shower before dinner,” you answered, and something in Soonyoung snapped because you were on your back in a flash, and he was hovering over your body.

“You mean to tell me that when I said you looked good during dinner, it was a post-orgasm glow that made you look that good?” Soonyoung asked, and you gulped, nodding.

“Or when I heard a moan in the shower. I asked you if you were okay. You were really cumming?” Soonyoung probed, and you let out a whimper as you nodded.

“How many times did you cum?” Soonyoung asked.

“Two.”

“Well, I hope you have a lot more energy left in you because two is simply too little,” Soonyoung boasted.

“Soonyoung, fuck me, please,” you whimpered. You were sure you would explode if he didn’t touch you.

“Gladly, kitten,” Soonyoung said as he moved to shed off his boxers quickly and, in one swift movement.

Soonyoung was about to lay between your thighs when you tugged on his hair.

“I need you. Please just fuck me,” you begged, making Soonyoung growl as he readjusted himself and lined his cock up with your dripping core.

“Fuck, you’re soaking kitten, and you take me so well, ” Soonyoung praised once he was entirely inside you. You moved Soonyoung’s hand from your breast to your neck, making him raise a brow at you.

“You sure?” Soonyoung asked, and you nodded.

Soonyoung started to thrust into you – well pounding. Truthfully, he had been hard for so long that he needed to cum. He’d just make sure you’d cum first, he gently choked you with his hand, and your eyes rolled back in pleasure, making him groan and nearly cum.

“Ah, fuck. So fucking good, baby,” Soonyoung groaned when he felt you clench around him; he came soon after.

“Baby, so good.” You said softly when Soonyoung moved to lay between your legs and clean you up.

“I could just stay here,” Soonyoung mumbled as he flicked your clit with his tongue, making you buck up your hips into his mouth.

Soonyoung grinned before wrapping an arm over your waist, holding you in place. Soonyoung moved his lips to capture your clit while his tongue flicked your clit. His pace was perfect, the pressure, everything.

“Fucking hell,” you cried out as you felt your orgasm approach.

“Where is it?” Soonyoung asked and looked at him, confused, both from the question and the mind-blowing orgasm.

“The toy.”

“Drawer,” you motioned to the bedside drawer next to you, making Soonyoung grin as he climbed off the bed and grabbed the tiny device that made you see stars whenever you used it.

Soonyoung laid back between your thighs, ran the vibrator along your swollen and soaking folds a few times and then settled to press it against your clit, and turned on the device on the highest setting.

“Fucking hell, Soonyoung,” you cried out and tried to move, but Soonyoung moved quicker as he placed his arm on your waist, immobilising you as the vibrator kept assaulting your swollen clit.

“You’ll cum, when I tell you,” Soonyoung instructed, making you cry again.

“Please, Soonyoung, please,” you were begging so much, but you didn’t care. You had to cum. You’d die if you didn’t.

“You want to cum, kitten?” Soonyoung asked, and you cried out a broken ‘yes.’

“Then cum, kitten,” and so you did. You let go of all tension, biting your lower lip hard to suppress a scream as you came hard, your eyes rolling back in pleasure.

You panted and lazily opened your eyes, staring at Soonyoung.

“Fuck I made you squirt,” Soonyoung boasted, and you let out a shaky breath.

“Technically, the vibrator did,” you joked, and Soonyoung glared at you, dropping the vibrator on the bed, and instead pushed three long fingers inside your sensitive cunt, making you bite down on your lip.

You held onto his forearm as he fingered you harshly, making you squirt again, this time drenching his fingers. Soonyoung let you ride out your orgasm on his fingers and then slowly pulled out of you, bringing them to his lips and sucking them clean.

“Now I made you squirt,” Soonyoung gloated, and you simply whimpered, making him grin.

“You wore me out,” you whined, making him smile.

“Think you can sleep now?” Soonyoung asked, and you grinned, nodding, and he pulled you into his arms and slowly nodded off, and while you tried, you couldn't help but realise that you and Soonyoung had just had sex.

But he didn’t kiss you.

“Y/N,” Soonyoung asked when he approached you later the following day, it was your second last day here, and you had spent the majority of the day ignoring him, opting to cry in Seungkwan and Seokmin’s room, with each of them assuring you that Soonyoung didn’t mean his words during dinner last night.

You had tried to avoid Soonyoung for a fair amount of time but couldn’t avoid your roommate for that long.

“Y/N, did I do something wrong?” Soonyoung asked when you ignored him again, and he let out a huff and bent down and picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you to the bed, where he dropped you and hovered over you.

“Why are you mad?” Soonyoung asked, his eyes wide and lips turned into a pout.

Damn his cuteness.

“You didn’t kiss me. That’s why I’m mad,” you admitted, and Soonyoung stared at you.

“I did, several times?” Soonyoung answered, confused.

“Oh..wait, do you mean last night?” Soonyoung asked, and you nodded.

“You said if you don't kiss someone during intercourse, you don't see them as more than a hookup, and I don’t want you just to see me that way,” you admitted.

“Y/N,” Soonyoung said softly, making you look at him.

“Forgive me for my crudeness. I didn’t kiss you last night because I was too busy losing my mind when I was inside you, and fuck, I just wanted you to cum so much, almost ruin you for any other man and frankly, if I kissed you, then. I would have just ended up blubbering my feelings for you, and last night I didn't want that. I wanted to feel you, every aching inch of you.”

“Oh,” you squeaked.

“I like you, and the next time, I’m going to kiss you breathlessly and make love instead of fucking you,” Soonyoung explained.

“No,” you mumbled.

“No?” Soonyoung repeated.

“Please keep fucking me. Just don’t forget to kiss me, too,” you said with a smile, making him laugh.

“I’ll never forget to kiss you, my love,” Soonyoung mumbled, bending down to kiss your forehead.

“My love? No kitten?” You asked.

“Kitten is for tonight or any time when I’m either tongue, fingers, or dick deep inside you,” Soonyoung clarified, making you gulp.

“Just shut up and kiss me,” you mumbled, and Soonyoung smiled as he leaned to capture your lips with his.

“So, are y’all together now?” A voice interrupted, making you and Soonyoung sit up and glare at Seokmin.

“Yes, we are, and we shall wear matching tiger print clothes,” Soonyoung boasted proudly.

“Uh,” you hesitated, and Soonyoung shook his head.

“Nope, you date me. You date the tiger within, too,” Soonyoung argued, making you smile.

“As long as you unleash that wild side in bed, too,” you whispered hotly, making Soonyoung’s eyes widen.

“Ew! Can you two not be THAT couple?” Seungkwan complained.

“Congrats, you two,” Seokmin said with a grin.

“Thank you, us three will be very happy,” Soonyoung responded, making you, Seokmin and Seungkwan gawk at him.

“Me, you and the tiger within.”

“Is it too late to take back the confession?” You teased, making Soonyoung gasp and tackle you in a hug and place a kiss on your cheek.

“Nope!”

“You know when it’s time to say I love you, I have a question,” Soonyoung mumbled to you later that evening when you were laying on his bare chest after a very intense and romantic love-making session full of kisses.

“No, Soonie, you cannot say horanghae instead.”

#seventeen #hoshi #seventeen fanfic #seventeen smut #svthub #kvanity #hoshi smut #soonyoung smut #indigo writes: hoshi

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strawberri-elixir · 8 months

Text

Sleepless nights

╰⇢ 28. Darling???

Warnings: none…

note: i feel like this part is a little shorter for some reason??? idk but regardless i’m leaving y’all on a cliffhanger >:] (also check out the poll i put up for the next smau)

“I’m gonna step out to the washroom real quick.” Yuta points to the door, tucking his phone away into his pocket.

“Hurry back quickly then.” You roll your eyes. “Toge said he’s coming soon.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll be back soon.” The boy returns your eye roll as he steps outside.

You continued to sit, waiting for either of the two boys to walk through the door.

“Anyone in here?” You spot a familiar head of platinum-blond hair poke into the room.

“Nope.” You call out, flashing a smile as you locked eyes.

Toge let out a breathy chuckle as he walked in, giving you a half hug when you were close enough.

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice.” You pull back from the hug, taking in every single one of the boy’s features. It was all coming together, like a puzzle. The hair, the eyes, hell, his voice.

“Well, now you do.” He gave you a shy look. “I didn’t mean to hide it from you.”

“It’s okay.” You shrugged. “I get it.”

“Thank you.”

An awkward silence fell over the two of you, neither of you attempting to make eye contact. Where was Yuta when you needed him.

You stood there, eyes looking over at anything but Toge. And it’s not like he was trying to look at you either. It wasn’t until you heard a small cough, that you finally looked over to the boy in front of you.

“I uh… got these for you.” He finally reveals what he’d been hiding behind his back.

He pushed something soft into your face, flushing as he looked away. You took ahold of the gift and looked down at it. It was a bouquet of flowers. Your favourite ones to be exact.

“Woah… thank you…” You felt yourself blush as you looked back at Toge, the room suddenly feeling hot.

“Mhm. You’re welcome.” He scratched the back of his neck.

More awkward silence… joy.

“Well-” You started.

“I like you.” Toge blurted out before you could actually say anything. “Like- really like you. From the night we met in the rain, to those days in class when we’d mess around.”

You stood there, absolutely shocked. Maki was right, he really did like you like that. She is never going to let you live this down after.

“You don’t have to say anything, and I definitely don’t expect you to reciprocate, but I just thought you should know.” He continued. “But I mean it, I really like you.”

“I-” You had no idea what to say. So many thoughts swirled through your head as you looked at the boy in front of you.

“How’d it-” The two of you turn your head towards the sound of a new voice. “Go…” Yuta stood at the door.

The dark haired boy started at the two of you, the flowers in your hand and the small glare that Toge shot him. Yuta stood awkwardly at the entrance to the room, unsure of what he should do next.

“You were saying?” Toge turned his attention back to you.

“Oh- right-” Your eyes flicked between the two boys.

But before you could give Toge a real answer, you caught Yuta turning and walking out of the room at an alarming pace. It was obvious he was upset in some way.

What were you going to do…

Masterlist | Next

fun facts:

— none! thank you guys so much for supporting this series! it really means a lot to me that we made it this far! the next part will be the final

taglist: closed

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bold means i can’t tag you for some reason :[

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therantingsage · 6 months

Text

Because I promised this, and I really wanted to do it anyway, here's a really really long-winded rambling dissertation on:

Why N and Uzi secretly dating since before episode 5 is genuinely super plausible and also stupidly hilarious /pos

Under the cut cuz it got obscenely long oops-

Idk where to start, so I'll just cover my bases: why people think they've been in a relationship already in the first place.

We all saw this scene:

And legit it can only be implying one of two things. Either A: this is his confession of feelings for her. Or B: this is him admitting that they've been dating for a while at this point. With the hearts it's pretty clear that this statement is meant to be romantically interpreted, and Nori's aghast reaction confirms that that's how it's being interpreted.

Obviously no matter the interpretation, N only writes that because he can't think of anything else to snap Uzi out of it and thereby stop this confrontation from ending poorly. And it works obviously so good on him for the quick thinking.

Two things that make me lean towards the 'we're dating' interpretation over 'confession' interpretation, though: firstly, he's not writing this to tell Uzi something, he specifically calls out to Nori before writing it. "Hey btw I'm dating your daughter" makes more sense than "Hey btw I like your daughter romantically" because if it was the latter, Nori has far less reason to be mad at Uzi about it rather than N. It's not like Uzi can control how N feels. But if they're dating, that means Uzi is partially to blame for that and Nori can get upset at HER.

Secondly, the awkward wording. Like it's really vague and without the hearts you'd have no reason to assume anything but platonic meaning. But these are words we, and him, have heard before:

...from Uzi, in response to a question about who she is and, by proxy, the nature of their relationship. She says it defensively, follows it up by telling N to shut up. N repeating her wording which, again, is a description of the nature of their relationship....but this time implying something romantic with it, it suggests the idea that it had romantic implications the first time.

I don't think it's far-fetched to say Uzi at least has feelings for N at this point in the story. I don't think anyone's arguing that that's not true. But the idea that 'hang out' means the exact same thing both times is what I'm arguing here. They're dating, but this version of N is a stranger to her. A cute stranger, as she says, but a stranger nonetheless who she isn't comfortable admitting to that she's dating him in the future to his face.

Backing up a bit, Uzi's reaction to Nori's reaction:

This is a clear and obvious parallel to the previous episode, when 'Tessa' says "Don't date my robot, please."

In both instances, someone gets on her case about the idea of them dating, and in both cases she doesn't deny it but instead defends both his and her own agency in the matter. No one is allowed to tell them what to do and Uzi refuses to let anyone try.

When Nori says it, though, she does seem to try and deny it for a moment. "I'm not-" She cuts herself off so we can't say for certain what she was going to say (if anything. it's entirely possible she started that sentence with no plan how to finish it, I do that a lot personally). But that's also because, like, she's Uzi. If this was meant to be a secret relationship, it would probably be her who made that decision. And like with butler N, she has no reason to disclose that kind of information to a stranger. She'd probably try and deny it whether its true or not.

As for when it would've started, after camp is the only big timeskip where we don't have much clue went on during. Cabin Fever is a big episode for them, and the three episodes that come after it are all back-to-back-to-back. The only time it makes sense to have started is sometime between eps 4 and 5.

And guys. Guys.

This, more than anything to me, paired with the idea that they've been dating for a while by the time the most recent couple episodes happen.....doesn't this seem so, so romantic? You could easily call this a love confession! So easily! It sounds like one much more than 'we just kinda are hanging out a lot idk' at least.

Like, rephrase that even a little: "Being with you makes scary things fun. Being with you makes me feel brave. It makes me feel safe. So I want to keep being with you."

And Uzi agrees with that sentiment. He promises to stick with her. And she laughs and smiles with him as he makes the scary thing she's been dealing with into something fun, something they can laugh about. The together line gets repeated in the most recent episode, directly calling back to this scene as well.

Like, just...AGH. In Cabin Fever he says it once as they're falling and a second time once they're grounded. The second time its a question, and one she eagerly answers with physical affection, which is super rare for her. In Mass Destruction its a statement, because he already knows her answer. Its a repeated promise. A vow.

Backing up again. Let's assess some interactions under this context. Assuming they're dating in secret. Because it paints so many things in a different light and basically nothing contradicts it which is fricken wild. This:

Isn't a sheepish Uzi trying to hold her crush's hand in a moment of fear. This is an Uzi who wants to keep their relationship a secret but is so in need of comfort right now she's willing to risk exposing them to get it.

This:

Her being so relieved because she almost watched him die but he's alive he's ok and she doesn't care who sees it because she needs to hug her boyfriend rIGHT NOW GUYS I DON'T CARE I'M HUGGING MY BOYFRIEND-

This whole scene. Uzi interacts with him so gently here. She's not gentle with anybody else at all. She sees him stressed and uses his own "you good?" on him and it's just so dang tender when you think about it. Because no one else can hear them talking to each other. It's just these two sending face texts and everyone else's focus is on the Sentinal so they can afford to be as couple-y in this conversation as they want.

And after:

Blushing because they like each other so so dang much.......sweating bullets because the other two can see them do this. Suddenly without either of them really thinking about it they're being romantic around other people and wow! That's nerve-wracking! Peak young love early-in-the-relationship behavior they ain't slick.

His tone of voice in this scene is gentler I think than we've ever heard from him before (Michael Kovach you are so damn good at your job). His loss-filled fury is cooled in an instant when he realizes how close he came to hurting his girlfriend. It's heartbreakingly gentle before 'Tessa' cuts him off.

And when she cuts Uzi off:

He looks like genuinely pissed at her. "Did you really just interrupt my gf while she was talking?? She's scared and you're disrespecting her tf is wrong with u??"

And like- the fact he was genuinely willing to off Tessa for her. Like he realizes there's a possibility she tried to get his gf killed for no reason and upon her not even trying to deny it he just kills her instantly. Because it's no longer a question of the universe or Uzi. It's a question of Tessa or Uzi, and its a choice his heart has already made before this point.

But here's like. The thing about all this that gets me. This is meant to be a secret relationship, right? Like nobody but them is supposed to know about this. And the fact that we the audience didn't have any reason to assume them to be an established relationship without heavy headcanoning means they did a decent job at that, right?

Guys. Guys.

N is terrible at keeping secrets. Like. Horrendously bad at keeping things on the down-low. Every single time in the series he's supposed to not spill info he like. Fails. It's wild. And because the relationship happens after "Inclusive reflexes!" that means that Uzi damn well knows this and still trusts him to try.

But based on V's reaction to the handholding in Dead End:

I'm honestly willing to bet she knew. She doesn't sound surprised, just annoyed that she has to see it. Which means N probably like, heard her badmouthing Uzi or something and got like way too defensive about it and she clocked him instantly. Because he's bad at keeping secrets. And she doesn't bother mentioning it during any of these episodes out loud because she doesn't care what these idiots do in their free time.

Can you imagine how many hundred close calls they must've had? How many times Uzi must've had to aggressively shush him or cover his mouth because he was going to say something slightly too sappy in public? The only reason we don't get to see the time period between eps 4 and 5 is because it would've been painfully obvious that these two dating is the worst kept secret in the entire bunker. I'm going insane.

Uzi fell in love with a proud himbo and they both know it. It's genuinely a miracle they didn't clue the audience in sooner.

#Murder Drones #Murder Drones Spoilers #md N #md Uzi #Uzi Doorman #Nuzi #Biscuitbites #Listen!! I'm feral and I site my sources!!!#This is a hill I'm willing to die on. And then I will rise to keep talking #I miss doing posts like this. I have so so much to say always #Me when I hyperfixate to the point of essays. Oops. Glad I can read

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aerynwrites · 10 months

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Hi! Just wanted to say that I admired your work, and you have pushed me to write again. I hope you have a good day. (Sorry,

a little awkward here)

If you don't mind, I have a request. I always wonder how Gale, Halsin, or whoever you would like to write would react to a Tav that her/their love language is physical touch and/or gift giving (like little crafts and stuff.) Thanks!

ooo i love this idea!! Did it in HC format so I could do both Halsin and Gale (+ Dammon bc I love him lol). I hope you enjoy my friend!

Having an S/O whose love language is Physical Touch and Gift Giving

Gale

I definitely take Gale as someone who loves physical touch but doesn’t like PDA.

So he reserves all his touches for when you all are alone or away from prying eyes.

But he does love it.

He loves when you cuddle up to him when he reads, putting his arm around you and pulling you close as he reads to you.

he also loves holding your hand, intertwining your fingers together.

And he loves kisses.

Kisses to your lips, your cheeks, your nose, etc…

He especially loves leaving kisses to your neck/shoulders when you are lying in bed or just before you wake up.

No when it comes to gift giving, I don’t feel like Gale is particularly familiar with relieving gifts from romantic partners - at least not the small but still meaningful ones.

He keeps anything and everything you give him, always telling you what he likes about it and stuff.

If it’s something he can wear/use you bet your ass he is using it or wearing it all the time.

Halsin

Halsin, as we all know, is not a shy man.

He loves to touch you and doesn’t give a fuck who sees lmao.

He will hold your hand or tug you closer to his side, even kiss you whenever and wherever. He does not care, he just loves having you close and feeling your skin against his own. Even in a non sexual way.

I also know this man loves to cuddle okay??

Like I feel like he runs warm, so at night he probably doesn’t sleep with a shirt on and just has you tucked against his chest.

And he obviously, loves to kiss you just like Gale lmao.

He’s always sneakin’ a lil’ kiss.

When it comes to gift-giving, he loves the little things you bring him.

Whether it be some honey you found at the market or small little malformed wooden figures you tried your best to whittle.

He keeps and cherishes them all, something you don’t find out until you find his little stash in his pack.

If you ask him about it, he just smiles that wonderful smile and tells you he likes to have a piece of you close to him at all times.

Dammon

Okay, possible controversial idea but uh…

I feel like Dammon is a bit touch starved.

Not because he doesn’t like touch or anything but with his home being thrust into he hells and most of his time spent in the forge I just don’t see him spending time much with others.

So when it becomes apparent that your love language is physical touch, he’s a tiny bit lost at first.

But he reciprocates after a while, and soon he finds out he loves that shit too.

He loves to hold your hand, even presses a kiss to your knuckles everyonce and a while, especially if you’re both just lounging around.

I definitely peg him as one of those guys that does the whole “hand on your lower back when he passes behind you” thing and if that doesn’t make you weak in the knees idk what will.

also his tail?? I’m sorry but that man projects his emotions with his tail i swear.

You find it wrapped loosely around your leg a lot when you’re cuddled up in bed, holding you close just like his arms do.

Now, when it comes to gift giving - I think he is more used to being the one to give rather than receive.

so when you first give him a gift he is really surprised and can really only mutter a stuttered flustered thank you.

I feel like your first gift to him might be a new scarf, so even if he didn’t verbalize it well you know he loves it when he wears in nonstop for weeks after you gave it to him.

anything else you give him, small hand made trinkets and baubles, etc… you’ll soon see proudly displayed scattered around his forge.

#Halsin x reader #gale x reader #dammon x reader #bg3 x reader #halsin #gale bg3 #dammon bg3 #gale dekarios #bg3 dammon

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plmp0 · 5 months

Text

The Sex Love House PT 3

Summary: Welcome to the love house where a lot of stories will infold, 7 participants will have a chance to live together in the same house for a mounth while still doing their normal activities, will they find real love in this short period? Or at least this is what ur friend want u to believe. Part 1 Part 2

Warnings: a very manipulative!jay, manipulative!sunghoon, manipulative!heeseung, ex!bf!Jake, everyone is a perv in this house, reader is clueless, shameless reader, kinda stalker reader, Siyeon (from dreamcatcher) is also part of this, this is a pure filth, explicit content.

Smut warning: hand!job, oral (f), cum eating, desperate Jake, kind of subby!jake, p in v, unprotected sex (cause it's fiction), overstimulation, a lot of teasing, i think that's it

A/N: This part was supposed to go out a long time ago but i forgot to save it and i had to re-write it again so it's not as good cause i got annoyed sorry. Also this is not proof read so there might be some mistakes and typos so yeah

It's the week-end Jake woke up today going straight to ur room knocking on ur door before entering, u were still in ur shower robe hands blow drying ur hair as he looked at u through the mirror "oh hi i was going to talk to u after i finish, we didn't get a chance to yesterday" u said upon brushing ur hair.

He noded his head eyes scanning u, u got more beautiful since the last time he saw u, he's ngl he forgot about u at some point but he just woke up one day having u running through his head, what could u be doing now? Did u get taller? Did u let ur hair grow? How many relationships have u been through? He had these small thoughts about u, but everytime his heart tries to soften to u, the memory of ur ghosting and its side effects come back to him, it was like a trauma for him, getting in the way of every relationship he tried to be in, always having doubts about the other part, not able to trust her fully, he really has abandonement issues now.

"There is no need to bring back what happened in the past" u said getting him out of his thoughts, u turned off the blowdryer approaching him eyes softening now that he is close to u, ur guilt kicking in immediatly "m so sorry for what i did, i know nothing can excuse what i did but i wasn't mature enough" u said holding his hand in urs, he cleared his throat avoiding looking at u, pulling out his hand gentely and that was enough for u to know that he didn't forget u.

U sighed feeling bad but deciding to brush off the topic "so tell me, what r u doing now?" U asked hoping to get rid of the awkwardness noting how he didn't let a word out.

He smiled shrugging "i took over my dad's work"

U smiled back remembering how sweet his dad used to be and how good he treated u "i hope he is doing fine"

"He is" was all he replied with, taking a seat on ur bed "ahh right! Do u want something?" U asked after runing out of ideas to lighten the mood, he sighed hands massaging his forhead "i just wanted to ask if u have some pain relievers"

"Ohhh? Ur head hurts?" U asked hands busy searching in ur drawer for the said pills, taking it out and handing it to him "here" he took it from u thanking u and putting it in his pocket .

U sat on ur chair facing him now forgetting that u r still in ur robe that is about to open in any second now, ur hair isn't fully dry u look so... so tempting Jake's eyes can't help but stare at u head empty only u running through it.

"U don't want the guys to know that we were together?" U asked after talking for sometime now without getting a reply from him.

He cleared his throat again " ah idk i didn't know if u'd like them to find out so i chose to not say anything" he shrugged, u smiled at him he is still considerate as always "i don't really mind but since we didn't talk about it the first time let's just keep it between us"

He smiled back wanting to stay with u longer, seeing u now in front of him again brought back his old feelings towards u.

U heard ur phone ring on the table behind u "excuse me" u let out softly turning back and stretching to get it without standing from ur seat, exposing ur bare thighs and a faint sight of ur blue panties to Jake whose eyes were boring into u tongue darting on his lower lip , he gulped hands sweating and itching to feel ur soft skin, u smiled at ur succeed attempt to get ur phone seating properly now and answering ur call, Jake's eyes didn't leave u even for a second scanning the way u pout whenever something is not pleasing u, the way u roll the end of ur hair listening to what's been said on the other line, lips smiling from time to time flashing ur white teeth, everything about u was beautiful and he miss having u for himself.

U made eye contact with him in the middle of the call mouthing a sorry, Jake only smiling at u as he waited for ur call to end (but wishing it to take longer so he can drink in ur beautiful features more).

U ended the call that was from one of ur co-workers asking u about some file u wondering why tf they want that in the week end, u sighed looking at Jake noting the way he is looking at u.

"That took longer than i expected sorry"

He didn't budge even when u waved ur hand in front of him, only waking up when he heard ur soft voice calling his name and he almost let a sound out from that "are u okay? U r spacing out a lot" u asked concerned, eyes looking at the way his adam apple boped down before hearing him gulp loudly.

He shakes his head like he was in some sort of trance head dizzy as he inhaled u r fresh smell now that u approached him " m fine dw" u sat next to him, resting ur back on the wall and he followed ur movement head titling to face u " u r still as beautiful as u were" he let out making u blush a little bit as u give him a thank u chewing on ur lips fingers playing with the hem of ur robe.

He massaged his shoulders letting out a small groan and u turned to look at him he really look so tired "do u want me to give u a massage it's gonna help u relax a little bit" u said.

And he stayed still for a minute thinking about ur offer before noding in agreement, u stood up going to take an oil u use whenever u wanna relax "come on lay down" u rushed him and he did "i think it'd be better if u remove ur shirt" u said as he removed it and tossed it somewhere on the bed, u straddled his back he pressed his face on the matress upon feeling ur weight on top of him, his body shivering when the cold oil met his skin ur hands following after, massaging his nerves skilfully, he shut his eyes his body relaxing while releasing soft groans every now and then.

U were so good with ur hands he almost fell asleep if it wasn't for the unintentional scrach he felt on his back, u just continued working ur magic ignoring the way his body squirmed, u smirked a little bit knowing exactly how he liked that, u kept digging ur nails on his skin saying a sorry with a fake pout whenever u do so.

He could feel his muscles tensing up again, his forehead now resting on his hands teeth biting his lower lip not wanting to let a sound out, but it was impossible at this point especially when u brushed ur fingers faintly over his soft spot, u knew his body so well doing the most to get a reaction out of him, ur competitive side kicking out until a moan skipped his lips making u stop ur movements immediately "ohhh?" U said mockingly leaning forward until ur lips met his ears "u r still the same Jakey" he whimpered his hips humping the mattress shamelessly making u chuckle "what are u doing?" U asked faking a confused tone as u moved from his body standing in front of him. Jake titled his head looking at u confusion written all over his face, u cocked an eyebrow at him as he didn't stop his movements his eyes boring into ur body that was all exposed for him at this point, the robe not doing any job at hiding ur skin, the small curls at the end of ur hair still wet arms crossed waiting for him to speak but he didn't, u sighed clenching ur jaw slightly leaning forward lifting his chin with ur index finger "where r u looking? My face is here" u exclaimed wanting to get something out of him but his eyes are fixed on ur lips, u dart ur tongue on them watching how his own mouth is open almost drooling at the sight of you. Jake has always been like that, everything u did used to turn him on, and it looks like nothing changed.

U chuckled softely kneeling on the floor so u can face him blinking slowely as u caressed his cheeks titling ur head and getting closer to him until ur noses touched u were planing to tease him a little bit more but he rushed kissing u like he was starving for years, his lips moving so fast tongue rolling around urs u let go of his cheeks one hand now around his neck while the other one is searching for his hair tugging slightly as he moans in the kiss.

U left his mouth panting for some air, u looked his way and u can't help the heat that went to ur cheeks when u saw him, he looked so fucked out just from a kiss coming closer to kiss u again "so eager" u thought

U kissed him again his hands holding onto ur thighs, Jake now sitting properly without breaking the kiss making u also stand and straddle his lap, u started rolling ur hips slowly his hands following your pace, his thumbs tracing circles on ur inner thighs, ur hand going from his hair to his neck applying a small pressure and he groaned in the kiss.

"Shhh" u warned him and he whined in return making u smile in the kiss as ur hands traveled to his pants, unbuttoning them and sliding them down his knees along with his boxers, he let a deep breath out his body tensing up as he waited for u to touch him, the anticipation killing him.

"Please" he managed to mutter out his dick twitching in the cold air as his head tilted backwards and a sigh left his lips when u wrapped ur hand around his cock.

Ur thumb pressed on his slit collecting the precum that is oozing from it and spreading it along his length, his grip on ur thighs tighten as his body shakes under ur touch, he moaned in the kiss the need of breathing making him part his lips slightly, his moans were so loud despite him trying to stay silent his eyes were rolling to the back of his head.

His hips started moving up to meet ur strokes as his moans increased in volume, u felt him getting close, ur thumb now pressing on his slit again teasing him by stroking the base and going to the top before repeating the same process.

"Baby" he moaned against ur lips as his hips buckled upwards his stomach and chest rising, his hands are gripping ur thighs tightly, his nails digging in ur flesh, his toes curling as his mouth parted in a silent scream the only thing coming out of his mouth was a gasp as his eyes rolled back.

His dick twitched a few times his cum landing on ur robe and his chest, ur eyes were scanning the view, his head was still resting on the bed his eyes closed, his whole body shaking still feeling the waves of his orgasm, he was so sexy like this, and u can't deny that the thought of him getting off just from u stroking him made u so turned on, u were sure that your panties were soaked wet.

He was catching his breath when he felt u getting off his lap, he opened his eyes, his chest moving up and down, his dick still twitching as he saw the mess he made.

"Fuck y/n im sorry" he said trying to grab a tissue but his body was numb and his mind hazy.

U didn't pay him any attention going straight to ur closet pretending to get another robe and discarding the dirty one on the ground.

Jake was looking at u his dick already hardening again his eyes were roaming over ur body his gaze fixated on the curve of ur ass and the way the blue panties hugged ur thighs.

He wanted to eat u alive, he wanted to make u cry out his name, he wanted to fuck u, and u wanted the same, his dick was pulsating against his stomach, and all his senses were focused on u.

U felt his stare, turning back to face him a smirk forming on ur lips as u took a step forward and his hands were instantly on ur waist pulling u down on his lap, he attacked ur neck kissing, biting and sucking on it, he didn't want to leave a mark so he didn't suck for a long time, he went lower until his teeth bit ur collar bone his hands pulling down the new robe as his lips met the top of ur breast leaving kisses and licks.

"Oh" a sigh escaped ur mouth as u tilted ur head backwards, his right hand went down cupping ur clothed pussy while his left hand held onto ur waist for support.

He started moving his fingers, drawing circles on ur clothed clit, he didn't stop the movement of his mouth on ur breast as u started grinding against his hand. Jake was like a starving man, his touches so earger, his actions desperate.

U held onto his shoulders for support as he pushed u back laying on the matress, his body covering ur smaller frame as he started sucking on ur right breast his hand moving away the panties and entering two fingers inside ur pussy making you arch ur back as a gasp left ur lips.

His fingers were hitting the right spot and he went to kiss you again, his mouth making it hard to breathe, the pleasure was too much, ur eyes were watering, and his dick was rubbing against ur thigh, Jake broke the kiss panting like a dog delivering kisses on you stomach as his thumb was circling your clit, u were so sensitive his every move was sending shivers down ur spine, he was so focused on pleasing you, and it wasn't hard for him to get the job done, it's like he has been dreaming about this for a long time, he was now on a face level with your pussy he groaned biting his lips before replacing his thumb with his tongue, a scream slipped your lips and your back arched high in the air, his grip on ur waist was bruising, he didn't want to let go.

He hummed upon tasting you his eyes closed tongue going wild making it hard for you to contain ur moans and u were sure by now that if Heeseung was in his room he 100% have heard you, his room next to urs and that just added to ur heat making u go crazy, you were close by now already worked out just from earlier, Jake's finger went deeper making you let out a cry hands tugging at his hair and he moaned upon that "Cum for me" he mumbled against your pussy, the vibrations of his voice enough to make u reach your peak.

You cried out his name legs shaking uncontrollably, head dizzy, and chest heaving, and Jake didn't stop licking on ur clit not even giving u time to calm down and recover from ur first orgasm, "No-omg" your hands went to pull him away but instead you found them back on his hair pushing his face closer, his tongue was so skilled and u can feel yourself getting close again letting out small cries , the feeling of his tongue was so amazing and u can feel your whole body burning up, it didn't take long before u came again squirting on his face this time.

Jake pulled away his lips wet, face glistening with your juices, his eyes dark, "That's so fucking hot" he muttered licking his lips and wiping his face with his hands, he was looking at you hungrily, his cock red and dripping with precum, you wanted him inside you.

"C'mon here" u said pulling him closer for a sloppy kiss tasting yourself on his tongue as you started moving your hips, both of you were a moaning mess, the need to be close was so strong.

"Jake" u moaned against his lips and he hummed eyes still closed "fuck me" you said and his eyes shot open his mouth hanging open his breath got caught in his throat, and u smiled at him softly you were always a fan of his reactions always acting like he hasn't heard these words before as if it's his first time and you were sure that he was now going crazy, ur words made him feel like his heart is about to explode.

He didn't hesitate to get between your legs, his dick rubbing against ur wet folds as his mouth went to suck on your neck, your hands went to his back leaving red scratch marks as his tip was pressing on your hole, the need to enter was strong his eyes scanning your expressions as he entered you, a satisfied sigh escaped both of you lips, you were so warm and wet around him he didn't have any energy to start slow, his thrusts were hard and rough his hands holding onto the sheets as his hips met yours with a slap, the air was filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping, the bed creaked underneath you and you could hear it hitting the wall, it's not a surprise if u end up with a hole in the wall, and he was going so fast he didn't give you a chance to adjust his cock hitting the right spots, "fuckk you feel so good Damn" he groaned his hips moving by themselves his head dropped enjoying the way you feel around him, your hands went to his back pulling him closer wanting to feel him deeper, his chest was now touching yours, his skin was so hot and he was sweating a lot, you can see his veins popping his mouth hanging open as his forehead was touching yours, his thrusts becoming more aggressive and it was hard to catch your breath, you can feel yourself getting close for the third time tonight your stomach twisting and your eyes rolling to the back of your head, Jake's hand moved away from the sheets gripping the headboard as he was slamming into you loving how you moan his name, he was close, so close, his dick twitched inside of you.

He was so lost in pleasure he had other plans for you but he forgot about everything focusing only on the delicious feeling of you he swear he hasn't felt this good since being with you, he doesn't know why but u just enjoys it more when it's you, his thrusts were now unrhythmic moaning as his hands went to the pillow and you let out a surprised yelp when his other hand grabbed a fistful of your hair pushing your head back loving how you look for this angle ,his cock was throbbing and pulsating inside you the knot in your stomach was so tight and you could feel yourself reaching your peak, Jake was grunting his eyes shut curses leaving his lips "fuckk fuck fuck" and you could feel the tears building up so sensitive from the previous releases and it was a matter of time before both of you came at the same time, he pulled out after spilling his seeds all over your stomach.

He let go of your hair and collapsed on the bed next to you, both of you were panting your minds were blank and the air was still thick, the room smelled of sex, Jake's hair was sticking to his forehead, his chest was moving up and down, the only sound in the room was the heavy breathing. You were laying there trying to come back from the high, you looked at Jake his eyes closed, his face still sweaty and red, your eyes moved lower, his chest and stomach are covered with his own cum and he didn't seem to mind.

You chuckled "what?" He asked eyes opening to look at you.

"Look at the mess" you said pointing at his stomach, he sat up a little bit checking it out wanting to say something but he stopped after seeing you crawling, ur hands dropping his body back as u leaned down collecting all the cum that was on his body licking it up making sure to leave no trace behind Jake had to slap himself to see if he was dreaming, his eyes were bulging and his mouth was dry 'fuck you are so sexy y/n" it was too much, too many feelings all at once, it was hard to control the heat pooling in his groin and he can feel himself getting hard again, he let a deep breath out when you stopped to show him the cum u collected before swallowing it.

"Fuck so dirty" he said pulling you for a heated kiss, your tongue battling his for dominance, he was already hard again his body was aching for u and u couldn't help but rub your pussy against his shaft.

"Please" he begged, and as much as u wanted him you were sure that your body can't take anymore, already sore from yesterday and the events that took place minutes ago.

"Next time Jakey" u said pecking his lips and he whined, his hands went down to rub your pussy and u let him, u were sure that you can't do it but a few moments later u were bouncing on his cock again.

You sighed after what happened Jake stayed with your for a bit helping you move to the shower wanting to help but u stopped him wanting to relax for few minutes and have an alone time and he nodded pecking ur forehead and leaving. You took longer than intended cleaning your body lazily, you went out expecting to find a mess in ur room, ur robe thrown on the ground along with ur panties and the sheets wrinkled but instead everything was neat your clothes on the basket another sheets on the bed and that alone made your day.

Jake was sweet and caring as always and ur heart ached with guilt, ur mind was still in shock from everything but you didn't have the energy to spend a long time thinking, you dressed up wearing a long blue dress with a small slit on your left leg, drying your hair only with a towel putting on some perfume and walking out. U heard some noises on the living room and u followed finding everyone except from Jake and Siyeon sitting on the table having breakfast

Jay's eyes followed your every move his jaw almost dropping, the sight of your thighs driving him insane and it was so unfair, "wow y/n u look so beautiful" Heeseung said devouring you with his eyes and Joy nodded her head while Sunghoon didn't say a thing his eyes scanning u head to toe while stuffing his mouth with food, Joy pulled the chair next to her patting it for you "come on". She is such a sweetheart and u can't help the smile forming on your lips, you took the seat sitting now between her and Sunghoon and across from Heeseung and Jay, a small groan slipping Jay's lips when he saw u sitting so close to Hoon, his eyes were dark remembering yesterday's night but he wanted to take care of you today not liking how he let u go without helping. He grabbed ur plate putting a big amount of various food and handing it to u making u chuckle "i don't think m gonna be able to finish this but thank u" u said softly making him smile as well "enjoy, u need to regain ur energy".

Joy and Heeseung were talking about something but u can't pay attention u didn't realize how much hungry u re until u had ur first bite of food. "I thought u were going out this morning" Heeseung asked eyes not leaving ur face wondering what kind of excuse u'll make after he woke up to ur moans and you could feel ur cheeks heating up remembering the events that took place just few hours ago, u cleared ur throat shaking ur head "i changed my mind" u replied trying to avoid eye contact and laughing awkwardly afterwards, Heeseung grinned nodding his head pretending to believe u "Ahhh i see" he said. Joy's eyes roamed on the table "Where is Siyeon?" she asked particularly no one and Jay answered "She still have things to do at her house but she'll be back this afternoon"

"Where is Jake?" Sunghoon asked after a while and Jay was the one to answer him again "He left few minutes they called him from work"

U nodded, it was obvious that he didn't want anyone to find out, "How did u sleep last night?" Heeseung asked u and Jay chocked on his drink while you almost spit your food, Sunghoon who was taking a sip of his tea was now coughing loudly, Joy turned to look at him her eyebrows raised "are u ok?" She asked and he gave her a thumbs up eyes watering, Heeseung was laughing at the reaction of everyone his eyes meeting with yours and you could feel the heat on ur cheeks. "Oh my god u look like a tomato" he commented still laughing and u kicked his leg with ur feet under the table so embarrassed wishing that a black hole could swallow u and take u away from this place.

Sunghoon was now smirking loving to see u in that state remembering meeting with you yesterday when u were about to head to ur room after getting out of Jay's room sweating, face flushed and lips swollen ur robe closed messily and ur hair was in a very terrible state, u stopped at ur steps upon noticing his shadow turning to see him in front of you and u really tried to act normal but there was no point of that at that rate, so u just decided to do what u do everytime = running to ur room and die from shame! u hated that it's Sunghoon who caught u all the time and u weren't sure that u'd be able to look at him the next day but u managed to do that somehow. The table went silent again until Heeseung spoke again "i was just asking cuz it was too cold yesterday and the heating system wasn't working for me so i went to ask u if it works for u but u wasn't in ur room"

"Ahh yes" u lied "i was probably in the kitchen i got so thirsty and i didn't bring water to my room before sleeping" u mumbled, ur words beating u making Sunghoon laugh again impressed by ur ability to lie that fast. Heeseung and Jay were grinning knowingly, Joy didn't seem to understand the whole situation but she shrugged continuing what she was doing on her phone. U finished eating not daring to lift ur head again rushing to clean the table and do the dishes and u almost tripped, ur legs still sore from earlier if it wasn't for Sunghoon who catched u his hands around your waist holding you close, he chuckled his lips next to your ear his hot breath tickling you "are u still thirsty?" he whispered making u push him away chewing on ur lips, he chuckled again "just kidding watch out ur steps" he said tickling ur chin and leaving, making u freeze on ur spot questioning wtf was that about before walking out to the kitchen.

Jay followed u the thought of u doing the dishes while obviously looking tired not clicking with him, he insisted to do them instead asking u to have a rest in ur room, u sighed defeated and went back to the living room not wanting to spend ur time alone knowing that u'll just gonna be having unnecessary thoughts so u hopped on the couch laying there next to Joy who was watching some random insta reels and she smiled creating more space for you "what are u watching?" u asked her softly, Joy positioned her phone to match it with ur sight "just some reels" and u nodded watching videos with her while talking about some random stuff, u sighed the mic on ur back making u uncomfortable, "u should sit in the middle" Joy suggested but u shook your head "it's fine" you replied and Joy frowned not satisfied but she didn't say anything.

After some minutes Sunghoon walked to the living room sitting accross from you, his eyes not leaving ur body and u tried not to meet his gaze, his stare was so intense and intimidating and u wished he ignored u like earlier, "y/n" he called your name and ur heart skipped a beat it was probably the first time u heard ur name skip his lips, Joy looked at him raising her eyebrow but watching ur interaction quietly "yes?" u answered voice almost unheard and Sunghoon smiled, he loves when ur all shy and awkward with him, he cleared his throat before speaking "u wanna go on a date with me?" he asked u making ur eyes widen u certainly was not expecting this from him especially and u were wondering for a second if u've heard him correctly "uh?" u managed to let out and Joy couldn't stop herself from giggling next to you, Sunghoon didn't lose his charming smile making ur insides melt not even bothering to repeat his question, u looked at Joy for help, this situation almost awkward, she was smiling at you encouraging you to give him an answer, "umm... sure" u said after some moments, Sunghoon was waiting patiently and he seemed happy with your reply and Joy clapped her hands excitedly "great then it's settled" she said and u could feel yourself drowning, not knowing what to do and what to expect ur face as red as Joy's phone case ur eyes still looking at Sunghoon who didn't drop his smile now smirking at u, his eyes so intense making u question ur respond "i hope i don't regret that" u mumbled only for u to hear.

This part has been sitting in my drafts for a long time sorry :( but yeah this was not how i wrote this part originally nd it really sucks that i didn't save it but yeah hope u enjoy ^^ the next part is gonna be super intense, spoiler: it'll be both Sunghoon and Heeseung focused and oh god this duo is a lot!

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redr0sewrites · 4 months

Text

Sub!Jayce x reader Hcs

incredibly influenced by this convo i had w ellie ( @bigfatbimbo ) urgrhgrhrhrhr hes soooo

🥀Cw: smut!!!, sub!jayce, dom!reader, humiliation, sub top, exhibitionism kink idk what its called

🥀minors dni

🥀Character(s): Jayce Talis x reader

this man is suuuuch a sub, but he wouldn't admit it, at least not until he meets you

jayce is a very confident person, and you'd assume that would carry over into the bedroom, but nooo. the first time you were both intimate he was so pathetically unsure of what to do that you just had to take control for him. he tried to act dominant and in-control, but the second he started thrusting into you he was a needy mess.

he was so confident leading up to it, but he just gets so flustered :(

jayce is so embarrassed about how submissive he is, and is probably a little shy at first. he definitely needs some coaxing to "get out of his shell" per se, and would probably muffle his moans and be a little awkward in general

this man is a WHINER i just know he's so loud in bed and he can not control it. his voice gets all hoarse and raspy from panting, and he has the neediest wanton moans, it genuinely sounds like he's in a porno because of how loud and lewd they are

his volume has probably led to you two almost being caught on multiple occasions, he genuinely has no control but gets SO embarrassed about the thought of getting caught. it turns him on a little, and the fact that it does only makes him more embarrassed

more than once he's fantasized about you fucking him in the council room, risking it all just for the thrill of possibly being discovered

jayce would be SO flustered if you teased him about it, if you began whispering in his ear about how you coincidentally forgot to lock the door to your room, and how just about anyone could just walk in? he's already whining, and he'll cum within seconds

"aw, how would the council feel if they saw you being fucked like this?imagine if they could all see you like this, all needy and pathetic for me," type of shit, he'd fold in seconds

jayce is definitely kinky too, but he takes his time discovering himself. he isn't super willing to try new things at first, however over time he becomes more and more confident in doing kinkier shit, especially with someone he trusts

guys. sounding with jayce. HEAR ME OUT. he'd be SO embarrassed, like he knows how anatomy works and all, but he never really thought of something like that, and he'd probably be cocky too, thinking that it wouldn't even feel that good. imagine using a vibrating sounding rod on him and double tapping him too, irgrhrrhrgrhrrh he'd be so needy and fucked dumb

he never tried anything with anal/pegging before you, but he can't deny that he isn't at least curious. he'd mention it offhandedly, hoping that you'd get the hint, but don't make it that easy for him. fluster him, make him say it aloud and admit that he wants you to fuck him like that, and then praise him for being so sweet about asking while fucking him absolutely senseless. whether you have a dick or a strap he doesn't care, jayce would love it regardless

this is kind of a random hc, but he probably masturbates a lot. i mean, it's natural, he's pretty stressed most of the time, and even when he's with you he has an insane libido and would probably still masturbate a lot. however, his favorite form of getting off? pillow humping. don't ask me how i know, i just do, because i'm right. imagine the mighty councilman talis, the man of progress himself, humping a pillow like a bitch in heat because he's too needy to wait. sometimes he'll imagine that it's you beneath him, and he'll moan your name as he cums, thinking you can't hear. this leads to you both discovering that this man has a major kink for dry humping, he loves either sitting in your lap or having you sit in his and just getting off fully clothed. i also think he'd enjoy lap dances too, and would ride your thigh too. i ALSO think jayce would enjoy it if you rode his thigh, i mean.... c'mon who wouldn't want to

ok but like... sub!top jayce. me thinks yes. making him top you as a punishment and forcing him to fuck you. you take care of him all the time, shouldn't he return the favor? jayce desperately wants you to take control, flip him over and fuck him senseless, but your silky words and sweet praises make him want to make you cum even more. he would definitely manage to make you cum, he knows what he's doing, but he's really whiny and needy about it and would need some reassurance

look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't like being manhandled a little. you can't because your wrong. he totally would. jayce is used to people giving him what he wants and he's absolutely the type to get off to being pushed around. he wouldn't mind being folded into deep sex positions or even being slapped a bit, as long as you praise him afterwards

PRAISE KINK!!! i do think he has a degrading kink too, but it's definitely mostly praise. he gets a bit insecure sometimes, and the only way to get out of his own head is to be fucked silly and senseless by you while you whisper the sweetest words in his ears. he wouldn't mind a healthy mix of degrading/objectifying and praise tho, if you called him your "pretty slut" he'd think it was hot but if you started genuinely degrading him he would probably cry and get really clingy afterwards

i think his biggest kinks would be PRAISE, oral fixation (absolutely will elaborate if asked. please ask.), hair pulling, DRY HUMPING, somnophilia/sleepy sex (again, ABSOLUTELY will elaborate), breeding kink (👀), and obviously exhibitionism. i also think he'd have a little bit of a hand kink/fetish but would not admit it. if he saw you wearing a lot of rings, or if you're hands just look really nice in general, he would get a little turned on but won't say why. he thinks your hands look really nice around his neck too... 😇

"fuck- hngh-" Jayce bit down hard on the back of hand, attempting to muffle his moans as you rub his cock. you were seated on his lap, your hand wrapped around his thick girth as you jerked him off. within the confines of your shared bedroom you could be as filthy as you liked, yet it seemed Jayce was still too shy to fully let out his moans yet.

"aw, poor baby," you croon, speeding up the pace ever so slightly and paying attention to the tip of his leaky cock. his dick twitches against your palm as your thrusts quicken, Jayce's hips jerking upwards in response to the stimulation.

"hic- plea- please," he gasps, his hand hovering over his mouth as he throws his head back. "well, since you asked so nicely~" you tease, slowing down to painfully slow thrusts. Jayce lets out a sob, tears prickling at the corner of his eyes with each of your ministrations. he had lost count of the times you had teased him to near-release, only to ruin his orgasm at the last second. his abs clench with each stroke of his cock, and you can tell your pretty boy's patience is wearing thin. he really was too cute!

"Jayce," you murmur, speeding up again to catch his attention. his glossy, fucked out gaze meets yours, and you begin to jerk him off faster. with a gasp, his hand flies to your wrist, whether to push you away or to hold you there you were unsure. "s'too much!" he babbles, a few tears streaming down his cheeks as the coil in his abdomen tightens.

"aw, don't you want to be good f'me? you can take it, can't you?" Jayce nods, his dick twitching eagerly witth each thrust against your palm. you can tell he's close, and you decide to reward him. "can i- can i please-"

"you can cum, Jayce." with your reassurance, Jayce throws his head back, not even bothering to smother his moans as he cums so hard he swears he sees stars. his thighs shake as he coats himself in his own cum. as he comes down from his high, you gently massage his shoulders, tethering him back to reality as he steadies his breathing.

"you still with me, Counselor Talis?" Jayce grumbles, pulling you in close. "don't call me that. to you, 'm Jayce. nothing to else." you giggle, melting into his embrace. "lets get you cleaned up, hm?" you ask, and he nods, wordlessly following you like a lost puppy towards your shared bathroom. you both know damn well that this is probably going to lead to another round of steamy shower sex, yet he follows you in with the smallest smirk on his lips. what a man.

i will always be the number one jayce defender i do not CAREEEEE he's trying his best. i know nothing about leavue of legends lore and im basing this solely off of arcane, but i genuinely sympathize w him and idk why people hate him sm

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heesdreamer · 2 years

Text

ECHOES OF RIOT

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ falling inlove with a rockstar is never easy, especially when he returns to your hometown on a successful tour three years after you lost contact

WARNINGS ➩ this is like straight up angst… romance but mostly angst lol.. drug use, some violence, idk can’t really remember this is ridiculously long

WC ➩ 19.1k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ well this took me forever lol.. i don’t have much to say i just hope you like it. NOT PROOFREAD normally written at 4am lol the usual.. also side note one of the main characters was chaeyoung and i changed her to heejin for obvious reasons so if you see any of her name left over that’s my mistake and that’s why.

You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up like you did, so meek and quiet to the point that it was an actual hinderance on your daily activities.

If you were born like that, just one of those kids that was too shy to talk to their classmates and hid behind their moms legs on the first day of school, you’d completely understand but you’d actually been nearly the opposite for your entire life.

Maybe it was an accumulation of always feeling like you were taking up too much space, being on the receiving end of quick glares from teachers when you lacked volume control or seeing the hesitance on your friends parents faces when they excitedly asked if you could come over for a sleepover. Mixed with your own sudden self awareness going into high school.

You quickly realized that it wasn’t the loud girls getting asked out on dates and it was an almost immediately decline into self intrusion once you made this discovery.

It wasn’t like you necessarily wanted to be asked out by anybody, physically recoiling as your friends gossiped about the mass appointed hottest guys at your school and turning up your nose when they made sleazy attempts to flirt and court the other girls around you, but it felt embarrassing to be constantly left out of romantic group hangouts or discussions about experiences you’d never had.

Still, you had managed to keep a solid group of friends despite your newfound habit of self isolating and they only halfway judged you for your tendency to stay in on the weekends.

On the other half however, they weren’t so forgiving, hence why you were currently stood outside a low scale concert venue shivering so hard you were worried you’d chip a tooth. You were pulling your zip up hoodie tighter around your body and sending glares to your friends who were chatting animatedly about the band they were going to see.

Apparently it was composed of some boys around your age, not attending your school but well known enough that they had been invited to some of your friends parties and events and eventually your friend group had been given tickets to one of their shows.

You weren’t the biggest fan of crowds in general but especially concert goers and you’d been promised that this one would be chill and relaxing, something you automatically knew was a lie the second you left the cab and saw the attire of everybody around you. The line was buzzing with energy and adrenaline and you could hear the acts doing soundcheck from inside, music loud and heavy.

It was freezing and as much as you were dreading being pushed into a crowd with jabbing elbows and sweat rolling off their skin onto yours, you were ready to get out of the line as more and more snow kept falling down onto the uncaring crowd.

“Aren’t you excited?” Your head was turning at the sound of a soft voice coming from your right and you smiled softly at one of your calmer friends.

“Sure Sunoo. It’ll be fun.” You were replying quickly, not needing them to feel awkward or guilty about bringing you just because you didn’t necessarily want to come. You figured he could tell you were lying by the pity filled look he gave you but he didn’t call you out for it.

He didn’t say anything else for a second and he didn’t get a chance before the doors were opening and the line was surging forward, already getting your tickets checked while you waited and turning into a blob of people and excitement all trying to squeeze into the single door.

You were groaning softly at the feeling of being jostled around but you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact all of your friends were linking arms and declaring to stay together, slightly envious of the pure delight on their faces whilst your heart was starting to ache from the anxious way it was pounding. You let yourself be dragged through the crowd by them, closing your eyes for a second when you pushed through the tightest areas and just allowing them to guide you through it.

The venue was more so just a bar with a small stage but your friends had told you that these were the best types of places to see a show at, intimate and ear shattering loud.

They’d said the last half with an enthusiastic giggle but you had winced softly at the image of how close you’d be to the large speakers that you now saw adorning the stage. It was dark in the building and your shoes were sticking to the floor beneath you, lights turned a deep glowing green and something more casual playing over the speakers to fill the silence.

You’d followed behind them as they found a spot near the bar, safely tucked away from the crowd and planning to wait out the opening acts here to preserve their energy. They all agreed to push into the crowd once the main band came out and try to get as close as they possibly could, looking over at you for acceptance and all smiling and patting your back when you gave a sheepish nod.

It wasn’t that bad and you were quickly getting used to it, the thick cloud of cigarette smoke settling over you and only making you slightly dizzy now.

You felt a bit embarrassed and out of place but everybody else was too excited or drunk to notice that you weren’t exactly in the most appropriate attire. Sunoo had shot you a questioning glance when you’d gotten into the shared cab but you only just now realized you weren’t fitting in with the rest of the crowd or your friends even slightly.

The difference between you and them was even more evident when the owner of the bar was stepping onto stage and excitedly announcing the first artists, all your friends cheering and holding onto each other while you sat and watched from one of the bar stools.

You were still able to have fun as you watched them, smiling softly at the way they kept instinctively moving forward together as the music started and they screamed the lyrics. You didn’t recognize the songs that the band was covering but you knew enough about music to tell it sounded amazing, watching them closely as they skillfully played off of each other and got the crowd properly amped up.

You’d never really understood the purpose behind opening acts but you were getting it now considering you were feeling more and more excited for the main band as you kept watching.

Then more time had passed and the crowd had entered that stage of being too excited and too intoxicated to really understand boundaries and limits, a few fights breaking out that your friends didn’t bat an eye at but you were starting to feel a really deep pit building in your stomach.

It only worsened when somebody was hurriedly, and messily, approaching the bar and demanding another drink as he anxiously looked behind him at where you presumed his spot in the crowd was. You were watching him out of the corner of your eye as he ordered, feeling him swaying drunkenly closer to you and wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally tip over and knock you out of your seat.

Your intuition was astoundingly accurate considering it wasn’t long before somebody else was approaching the man and leaning into his side, sending the both of them tilting over in your direction.

You’d just managed to hop off the bar seat before they were slamming into it but with the speed in which you’d jumped off combined with the sticky floor underneath you, you were skidding forward and landing roughly on your side against the ground.

Neither man seemed coherent enough to notice you had fallen from the height and you could hear them drunkenly laughing with each other from above you. Your friends hadn’t noticed the altercation either and you quickly frowned at the nasty sensation under your hands before you were standing up and swiftly adjusting your skirt.

You were rushing back out towards the entrance before anybody could notice your disappearance, pushing back through the door and immediately being hit by the cold air as the snow continued to build up on the ground. You were sighing and bending down to pick some of it off the sidewalk, rubbing it in your hands and trying to clean them off the best you could with the wetness.

“You’re going to miss the main act.”

You were jumping at the sound of a voice coming from behind you, standing up swiftly and turning around to see somebody leaning against the building and taking a long drag from whatever it was that he was smoking.

“Oh.. yeah I know I just.. had something on my hands.” You were mumbling out towards him and indicating awkwardly at the snow in your hands, realizing how weird it must’ve looked from his angle.

He was laughing softly at your explanation and your face flushed in embarrassment again for the sixth time that night, taking in his attire and knowing he’d be able to tell right away that you weren’t exactly supposed to be here. He was tall, would be even taller if he was standing up straight and it was especially accentuated by the tight fit of his ripped black jeans. You couldn’t see his face super clearly from where he was stood underneath the shaky lights but his hair was messy and in his eyes and you thought you saw a piercing or two shining on his face.

“Who dragged you here?” He was suddenly asking and you froze up again as you looked at him, eyes darting down to his feet for a second nervously.

“My friends got tickets and I couldn’t get out of it.” You were telling him softly and shrugging a bit. A car was driving past on the empty road and you waited for the sounds of the snow crunching under its tires to quiet before you finished. “From the band actually.”

You look back at him just in time to see his eyebrows lift in surprise and then settle into recognition, your own shifting forward in furrowed confusion. The boy was taking a step off the wall then and flicking his cigarette somewhere off near the road, your eyes following the still burning ember as it flew through the air before circling back to him.

“I’ll see you inside then.” His tone was one of a statement and not a question but you were still slightly confused despite the fact you habitually nodded at him.

You let out a big sigh once he was leaving finally, weirdly going through the alley towards what you could only assume was a side entrance and not the door right next to him. It quickly slipped your mind and you decided to wait for the previous act to finish up before you also headed back in.

You crouched back down closer to the snow and continued to try and clean off your hands and parts of your sleeves that had gotten stained from whatever substances were on the floor. The cold was sending waves of shivers through you but you simply ignored the uncomfortable feeling, especially since you figured you’d warm up quickly once you headed back inside.

Eventually you could hear the second opening act thanking the crowd for their intense energy before the familiar voice of the bar owner was back, this time more excited as he announced that the main band was finally coming out on to the stage.

You sighed softly again to yourself before stomping the slush off your boots and heading back through the door, once again being hit by the tight atmosphere that was a lot more sweaty than when you had first walked in and was now practically buzzing with adrenaline.

It was harder than you had planned for to get back to your seat and you almost gave up and just resided to the back of the building but once the band members were finally on stage the crowd surged forward, a gap in the mass of people slightly opened up and you were hurrying through it back towards where your friends had been. They were gone now but you had expected that, knowing they must likely went closer to the stage.

You were just barely settling back into an empty stool when the band was coming out on stage and you frowned when you realized you could barely see them, sitting up slightly and freezing up when you got a better view.

One of the boys was standing center stage and speaking into the mic, presumably introducing them to the crowd who was cheering the loudest they had all night, but your gaze was drifting a few feet to his right to where one of the guitarist was standing.

You immediately recognized him as the boy from outside, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as you remembered how you had been less than enthusiastic about coming and had told him the band invited you and your friends. His surprised expression was making sense to you now and you would’ve turned to face palm if you weren’t stuck staring at him.

He was scanning the crowd for a few seconds and your eyes widened a touch when he was looking in your direction, stopping his wandering gaze as a soft smirk started to build up on his lips.

You were glancing around you to see if there was anything else he could be looking at and then feeling your face heat up alarmingly fast when you realized there wasn’t and he definitely recognized you from your awkward encounter outside.

Then they were starting to play and you were frozen for other reasons, your eyes locked on him and his frame as he started to open the song slow and soft. It wasn’t the type of music you had expected from them just based off of appearance and you were completely transfixed by the way they skillfully moved with their respective instruments, the boys behind the mics voice coming through now.

The crowd was swaying along with the gentle music, calming down into a low buzz like they were being completely controlled by the bands sound and energy.

You sat frozen like that for the entirety of the first song, mouth slightly parted in surprise and watching the boy you’d seen outside as he continued to play. You didn’t know much about guitars but you could tell he was good, his louder than the others and ringing out clear even underneath the distorted vocals.

He wasn’t looking at you anymore because he wasn’t looking at anything at all, leaning back and keeping his eyes shut as he played them through the final half of the first song. He was rocking along with his strums and he seemed just as into it and transfixed as the rest of the building was.

The first song slowed to a stop and you heard the vocalist laugh softly into the mic before he was glancing behind him towards where the drummer was sitting. You watched them curiously as they nodded at eachother in silent communication, amazed at how casual and relaxed they seemed to be in front of all of these people.

“Obviously we know what you’re all here for.” The lead vocalist was speaking into the mic with a small smile and the two guitarist start to build up the intro of the next song. “Watch your elbows and try not to knock anyone out.”

He was laughing as he finished his lighthearted warning but you watched as the crowd surged with excitement and started to move around, coming to life in sync like they were all the same creature and you felt a bit sick at how tight and moving it was quickly becoming. He was starting to sing again in a lower tone and even though the song was still bordering on calm, you could feel it building up along with the energy in the room.

It was closer to what you had expected their music to sound like and although it wasn’t necessarily something you’d keep on during your downtime, you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the way the entire crowd reacted to the explosive chorus.

The drummers voice was rasping underneath the main vocalist now and you quickly understand their previous communication, a smile building on your face as you watched the guitarist from outside staring at them with an unfiltered excitement.

They played more songs and you continued to sit and watch them unmoving, your eyes mostly transfixed on the boy with the guitar until the end of their set. You’d never seen somebody play the way he did and you almost felt like you had no choice but to watch him considering how captivating he looked on stage. Eventually they were shouting their goodbyes towards the crowd and accepting thrown gifts and hands reaching out for contact, all except for the guitarist considering he was just watching and smiling at the crowd for a distance.

You were still watching them as they left the stage and disappeared back into the restricted part of the building, not even noticing when your friends were excitedly bounding back over to you.

“That was fucking awesome.” Heejin was wrapping her arm around your shoulder and shaking you enthusiastically, sweat lining her dyed hair now and making her tattoos glisten under the now red lighting.

“Jungwon somehow sounds 100 times better in person.” You turned your head to see Sunoo coming to sit next to you with an impressed look on his face, shaking his head in disbelief and still watching the empty stage like you were a few moments ago. “Plus I didn’t know Jake could sing like that.”

“He sang at that school event remember? Before Jay got him into drumming.” Riki was quickly explaining and taking a swig of a water bottle he was carrying, still slightly out of breath from the tight and hot crowd.

You watched them talk animatedly about the show with a soft smile and fondness, you were glad they had fun even if you were originally hesitant to come out with them. It had been better than you’d expected and you still felt a little rush of excitement under your skin when you thought about how loud and beautiful the music had been. You’d completely forgotten about falling on the floor or any mishap.

“Are you ready to go then? We don’t want to keep them waiting, they’re probably super tired.” Joonie was turning to smile at you and await your response but her grin faltered when she saw the heavy look of confusion gracing your features. “You didn’t ask her?”

She was moving her head to give an accusatory stare towards the others and Sunoo winced softly at the harshness in her glare. Riki was sighing and scratching the back of his neck before answering. “We figured we’d ask her after she saw them… maybe she’d be more inclined to say yes.”

“Say yes to what?” You were quickly butting in, slightly frustrated that they were talking around you like you weren’t sat right there watching the entire thing.

“The band wanted us to come over to their place after the show.” Heejin was answering hesitantly, watching you with an expectant look like she was already prepared for you to shut them down.

You can’t deny that the thought immediately crossed your mind, beyond used to rejecting hangouts instinctively especially ones that were so small and intimate with people you didn’t know.

Then you were thinking about the way they had performed and how you had felt seeing them have so much fun on the stage, like they never cared about taking up too much space and they certainly weren’t concerned with ever being too loud. You were pausing for a few seconds to think about it even though you already felt like your mind had been made up, meeting your friends waiting stares and giving them a soft nod of approval.

——

You had quickly come to regret your accepting nod on your way to meet up with the boys, packed into a cab with your friends who still vaguely smelled like the inside of the venue and conjoined sweat.

They still seemed excited so you were trying your best to not be a visible mood killer but you were getting more and more anxious the closer you got to where you’d be meeting, not even exactly sure what type of environment you were going into.

It got even worse when the cab was pulling to a stop in front of a house tucked neatly in a lower class suburban area, the dread of having to make small talk in such an intimate setting like one the boys house was making your stomach turn with nausea. You sucked it up and followed behind your friends with held breath, listening as the door opened and they excitedly greeted whoever it was that was behind it.

You eventually filed through and when it was your turn to pass through the doorway, you realized it was Jake who had opened it.

You recognized him from school events like Riki had mentioned before, not attending yours but a few times a year the neighboring schools held community shows and events to bring the area closer together and scout for grants and sponsorships. You distinctly remember Jake sitting on the stage a few years back, looking beyond nervous as he softly strung his acoustic guitar and sang a song that had slipped your memory by now.

It was a striking opposition to what you’d seen him do tonight, both the fact he had been singing so hard his voice was scratching underneath Jungwon’s softer tone and the way he was slamming down on the drums so hard you had been worried he’d break something.

He had a certain buzzing energy to him that helped this make sense, watching him now as he excitedly bounced around your friends like a loose dog as he guided them towards another doorway. You figured he was more full of bottled up excitement over any actual aggressiveness and you continued to silently follow behind them.

You were a bit surprised to be led down to a small finished basement, carefully walking down the carpeted steps and feeling weirdly like you’d been transported back to your own home with how familiar the area looked.

There was a small red light connected to the door with tape and you imagined it was to signal that some sort of recording was going on, a small smile playing up on your face at the irony of the devoted after band having such a simple setup. The smile was immediately slipping off when you were hearing your friends start up rounds of greeting again and you paled with nerves.

“That’s Y/N, she doesn’t talk much.” Riki was quickly saying and you were half grateful he had saved you from awkwardly stuttering out your name and half furious as all sets of eyes turned to look in your direction.

You recognized the lead singer first, looking a lot less intimidating now that he was sitting on the sofa in more comfortable clothes and letting his purple mullet air dry from what you could only assume was a post show shower. You knew his name was Jungwon just from hearing your friends rambles and you filled in the blanks for the rest of the names.

Jay was almost more intimidating off stage than he was on it, losing that playful and excited energy that being in front of a crowd brought and falling into an almost scary silence. If it wasn’t for the gentle way he was picking at an acoustic guitar, a stark difference to the black and shining electric one you’d seen him with on stage.

Your eyes were drifting over to the final person in the room who was busy chatting with Heejin and staring excitedly at her newest tattoos, his hands hovering over her skin but not touching directly like an excited child. Sunoo had told you on the way here that Sunghoon played bass and whilst you weren’t exactly sure what that meant, he seemed the most approachable out of the group.

Minus the member you’d already accidentally approached but he was missing from the current area and you felt a wave of relief rushing through you considering how embarrassed you’d felt seeing him on stage.

You almost fell into autopilot and you listened to the two groups mix and talk casually like they were lifelong friends, an overwhelming feeling of envy sitting in your stomach considering the fact they were so easily able to hold conversation with each other whilst you struggled to even introduce yourself.

Jay had gotten up to put on a record at some point and that made you feel slightly more at ease considering there was no more room for awkward silence, something a lot calmer than what they’d played earlier ringing through the room as they all lounged in different places and started to smoke amongst each other.

Your friends didn’t bother offering any to you considering you had a tendency to say no, not necessarily against smoking or being high but the intimacy of sharing a blunt mixed with the performance anxiety as it was passed around the circle almost on instinct. The other boys must’ve gotten the hint without it needing to be said and they also didn’t try to get you to smoke, leaving you relieved that they weren’t the types to poke fun at you or try to pressure you into it.

It was a lot easier for you to just watch them and get a small contact high, sinking down into your spot on the couch more and relaxing as they started to lose focus and definitely lose the ability to care if you were being awkward.

You were pressed against the side of the sofa even though nobody was sat directly near you, still trying to ensure you were taking up as little space on the furniture as possible in case somebody else wanted to sit or you were simply just in the way. You were grateful you’d developed this habit considering the door to the basement was opening again and you froze up as the light shone in from the top of the stairs.

“Finally, the chosen one has arrived.” Jake was yelling excitedly from somewhere you couldn’t see, laying flat on the carpet behind the round ottoman and you could only barely catch a glimpse of his arms being thrown up in mock praise.

You were staring at the stairs as the boot covered feet started to descend down and you knew who it was before he even reached the point where you could see his upper half, freezing even more at the way his eyes scanned over the unfamiliar faces in the basement before pausing on you.

You awkwardly pulled your sleeves over your hands and glanced back over at Sunoo was sitting in the chair closest to you and the couch, talking to Sunghoon about something you couldn’t quite make it out considering anxiety was fully building up now and you were slightly disoriented from the overstimulation in the room.

Much to your dismay and attempts to stop yourself, your eyes were drifting back over to the boy and you almost groaned when you realized he was still watching you.

Heeseung had, according to Joonie on the way here, been the one to originally start up the band and convince the others to take it as seriously as he did. He was the lead guitarist first and foremost but he dabbled in almost everything, including producing all of their original songs and covers and apparently forfeiting his basement as their studio considering the younger photos of him scattered around the walls.

His baby pink hair was in his face even more now than it had been when you’d saw him smoking outside, littered with random blonde patches that told you he had done it himself, and now you were positive he had multiple piercings throughout his face.

It was only getting worse for you when he was making his way over to the couch and taking the empty middle seat, directly next to you.

You were sat with your feet up on the fabric and hugging your knees close to your chest but you imagined if you’d been sat normally then your thighs would be press against his that had lost the tight ripped jeans and were now sporting some more casual black sweatpants.

“You want this Hee?” Sunghoon was saying from where he was sat on the floor besides Sunoo on the chair.

You glanced over to the boy just in time to see him shake his head in denial and a wave of surprise and relief washed over you, grateful you wouldn’t be the only one not smoking anymore. “You don’t smoke?” Riki was asking and Heeseung seemed to instinctively shake his head no.

Jay snorted out a half laugh half scoff and you watched the pink haired boy shoot him a sharp glare before his eyes were drifting over to you, almost like he was checking your reaction. Your eyebrows were furrowed forward in confusion, wondering why he was lying about smoking, he must’ve forgotten the fact you’d seen him outside with a cigarette only a few hours before.

Everybody fell back into their own individual conversations again and you started to relax finally, listening to the music playing softly in the smoke filled room.

“So did you end up liking it then?” Heeseung’s voice was coming from beside you and you looked over towards him with widened eyes, not expecting him to directly address you.

“W-what?” You were stuttering out and then immediately flushing in embarrassment when a concerned look passed over his intimidating face. He seemed nice enough but your closed mind couldn’t look past the piercings and the eyeliner still staining around his large eyes.

“The show.” He was quickly explaining, looking slightly embarrassed himself that you hadn’t understood what he was talking about. “You didn’t seem too excited when you were outside.”

You froze up in your spot considering he was directly referencing the conversation you’d had outside, in which you had told him begrudgingly and in complaint that you hadn’t been able to get out of going to the show that he was performing at. You didn’t respond for a few seconds and you were grateful that everybody was too stoned to keep up with your awkward conversation.

“It was… you guys were very..” You trailed off when you saw the expectant look on his face and you cleared your throat a bit, eyes darting down to the double piercings going through the thin skin of his lips and then back up to his eyes. “It was cool.”

“Just cool?” His lip was curling softly up into a half smirk at your extremely vague answer, shifting in his place on the couch so he was facing you better and you tried not to be extremely weird about the fact his arm was resting on the back of the sofa now and therefore his hand was dangling on the other side of your shoulders.

“Super cool?” You offered in a squeaky voice, wincing as your shoulders curled in on themselves.

He laughed softly at your answer and you were relieved that he found it somewhat funny and wasn’t totally offended that you didn’t have a string of compliments prepared for him. You did like the show much more than you thought you would and if you were able to get ahold of yourself, you would’ve told him how impressed you were as you watched him play.

But you weren’t that lucky and you knew you’d be stuck giving him half true statements that didn’t actually show how you truly felt about the set, turning your head back to face forward so you didn’t have to look at his face anymore.

You weren’t exactly sure why he had come to talk to you out of everybody in the room, knowing he was obviously a lot closer to his band mates and had even hung out with your male friends a few times from your knowledge in group settings. Joonie had told you that she thought the two of you were a bit similar considering he was also rarely at social events but you highly doubted the comparison considering the way he looked performing in front of an adoring and expectant crowd.

Still, you thought about the way he hung back at the end of the final song instead of interacting with the fans like the other members had and the fact you hadn’t been surprised when he wasn’t present in the basement at first.

“Are you two actually talking to each other or just sitting in weirdo silence?” Your head was picking back up to look over at Heejin who was sitting on the other side of the couch, next to Heeseung but leaning far enough away towards Jake and Jungwon that they didn’t touch at all.

You didn’t need to look at her to know who she was referring to but your stomach dropped a little when you met her gaze and confirmed she was referring to you, the others in the room also looking over considering her statement.

Heejin was in no way mean to you and she was actually your longest friend out of the group, knowing her since middle school which meant she was around to watch your social decline. She made jokes sometimes or pushed you too far out of your comfort zone but you always took it as her way of trying to help you loosen up like she knew you could, always stopping whenever you got visibly too overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

You weren’t sure if it was the presence of people she admired or the buzz of a high settling over her that caused her to make the comment but it clearly crossed a line the two of you had silently established throughout the years, your face dropping at the unwanted attention.

“Heeseung is the master of weirdo silence.” Jake was adding on from the floor again and you could hear him giggling nonsensically, sitting up so you could see his head past the ottoman and frown at him.

“Yeah well I’d rather talk to..” Heeseung was starting harshly before trailing off and glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. You paused for a few seconds and stared at him in confusion but realizing he was waiting for you to tell him your name, quickly whispering it to him and trying to ignore the small smile he gave you before turning back to look at the others. “I’d rather talk to Y/N than you deadbeats.”

The boys in the room were breaking out into small fits of laughters and instigating choruses of “Oo’s”. Fanning their hands out like they’d been burned and only settling down when Heeseung was rolling his eyes and sinking further into the couch.

Luckily they all seemed to let it go after that even though you were still left with a deeper pit in your stomach because of Heejin’s random dig at both you and Heeseung, roping him in to your anti social behavior and giving his own friends the opportunity to pile on top of it.

You were glancing over at him again from the corner of your eye, hesitantly shifting to try and catch his attention again. His gaze was snapping back to your face when you moved slightly and his eyebrows raised in question again, a lot softer than they had been when he was asking for your name and snapping back at your friends. You watched the way the metal balls surrounding his eyebrow stretched with the movement before licking your dry lips and speaking.

“Thanks.” The word slipped from your lips in a small breath and once again you felt disappointed that it was all you had managed to say, wishing you were able to express your gratitude to him more.

He didn’t seem to mind and his shoulders were lifting in a small shoulder, watching you curiously. “It’s no big deal. I don’t talk much either.”

“Even though you do all… that?” You were asking before you even processed the question falling from your lips and he looked equally surprised as you that you were continuing the conversation without needing prompting.

“Like perform?” His voice was lower now as you started to talk more and you had a feeling he didn’t want the others to listen in and find a way to intervene again. You gave him a soft nod, grateful he had understood your vague wording. “It’s different, I don’t really think of it like that. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m there in front of all those people.”

If you’d heard him say that last week or even this morning, you would’ve not fully understood what exactly he was trying to explain to you. Even now you were still a bit confused on what exactly the feeling was like but you immediately understood what he was referring to, remembering the way he was closing his eyes and leaning with the music like he was in his own world.

You must’ve fallen silent for too long as you were thinking about it and what that could possibly be like, how it would feel to live a life with that sort of overwhelming passion, because he was clearing his throat and shifting again.

“It’s like… well what do you do?” He was starting to try and find an analogy, assuming you didn’t understand and you froze up at the direct question.

“What do I do?” You were repeating back to him for clarification and he nodded earnestly, waiting to hear your answer. “I don’t think I really do anything.”

He seemed taken back by that and you were slightly embarrassed that you’d failed to answer his question properly. You’d thought about it before, being at the age where you should have something you were passionate about or a hobby that motivated you in some way.

You never really did much of anything on your own and you’d yet to find anything that gave you that sort of spark he’d be referring to, the type of spark that would cause you to do what you loved even if it meant pushing yourself past your limits or standing on a stage like you were born for it.

“What are you doing this weekend?” He was suddenly rushing out and your eyes widened in surprise again at the fact his voice had come out much louder now, like he’d forced himself to say it. You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then you were shaking your head to signal that you weren’t doing anything set in stone. “Come to our next show.”

“To your show?” You were repeating in bewilderment and he was nodding his head quickly as he scanned over your face hesitantly, wondering if you were going to reject him. Eventually you were biting the inside of your cheek after contemplating for a while and glancing at him. “O-okay.. yeah sure.”

——

“Y/N, the phone for you.” Your mothers screaming voice was floating up the stairs and you groaned softly into your pillow, laying on your stomach and overthinking the events of the previous weekend like you had been for days.

It was pretty uneventful after your conversation with Heeseung, both falling into a silence or offering small laughs and quick glances as you listened to your friends talk and get to know each other better. He must’ve been telling the truth about not talking much because nobody looked over at him once expectantly although you noticed his band mates keeping an eye on the two of you occasionally.

Eventually you and your friends had left the basement and the pink haired boy had spared you a quick wave through the window as the taxi pulled off.

You’d listened to your friends excitedly talk the entire way back to your neighbors and pry you for details about what you’d been talking about with him, not noticing the bitter expression on your face when you noticed how surprised they seemed that he’d chosen to speak to you.

Now it was Thursday and you were thinking about it all again, replaying it over and over and finding something new to be embarrassed about each time you did. Heeseung was surprisingly soft spoken and slightly awkward considering his appearance but you knew it held no parallel to how terrible you were at socializing.

“Y/N.” Your mom was screaming again and this time you rolled over as you groaned, letting it fill the room before you were getting off your bed and heading down the stairs.

Your mom was standing there with the phone in her hand, watching you with an excited expression and your face was pulling forward in confusion as your steps hesitantly slowed to a stop. “It’s a boy.” She was whispering and pointing at the phone with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

You were snatching the phone away from her and walking around the corner into the hallways, stretching the chord as far as it could possibly go and waving a dismissive hand at your mom when she was poking her around the corner in curiosity.

“Hello?” You were breathing into the phone and it was a heavy silence for a few seconds before you could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other side.

“Hey Y/N, it’s Heeseung.” He was announcing and you froze up at the sound of his soft voice coming through your speaker, clutching the phone tighter in your hand and shifting it against your ear. “Um.. like the guitar guy.”

You were laughing softly at the fact he felt the need to specify, most likely growing nervous from your extended silence. “I know who you are Heeseung.”

“Cool… yeah cool.” He was breathing back and letting out his own nervous laugh, a small smile building on your face at how awkward he seemed now. You liked how different he was in each setting, confident and sensual on stage and casual and calm when surrounded by his friends in a familiar area. Now you were seeing what he was like on his own, mirroring a personality similar to yours.

“D-did you need something?” You tried to keep your tone light so he didn’t think you were bothered by the fact he had called despite your confusion over how he’d gotten your number or what exactly he wanted.

Your heart was racing slightly as you listened to him inhale over the phone, feeling a bit ridiculous over your own reactions but you couldn’t help but think about his soft pink hair and the piercings your mom would definitely disapprove of. She glared at Heejin’s bare skin every time she came over during the summer so you couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Heeseung’s group of friends.

“I was just calling to make sure you were still going to the show and Sunghoon said I should tell you to bring your friends.” He was explaining in a low tone and you could hear shushing in the background, your smile widening at the realization he was around some of his friends. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to convince Heejin to give him a tattoo but it would be safer anyways with more people.”

“Alright, yeah we’ll be there.” You were telling him back swiftly and you surprised yourself by how naturally it came out of your mouth, no stutter or hesitation.

“Cool.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said the word again, almost repeating it like he did the first time but seemingly catching himself before he did. “I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah… yeah you will.”

——

“So he like directly invited you.” Riki was asking for the sixth time that night and you sighed softly when he was bumping his elbow into your arm with a smile on his face, clearly excited about the recent development in your life.

“Is it that surprising?” Your tone was stiff along with your posture, somehow once again finding yourself in a cold line outside of a random concert venue downtown.

“Not at all Y/N.” Sunoo was quickly interjecting once he realized you were taking offense to their over excitement, offering him a small tired smile due to his habit of trying to make you feel better. “We are just happy for you.”

You were about to remind him that there was no reason to be happy or excited and that you and Heeseung had just gotten along, nothing else, but you were interrupted by the staff who was checking tickets approaching your group. You watched as he took a look at Riki’s and then his school ID, promptly marking his hand with a solid black X before he was turning towards you expectantly.

He was looking at your ID with a bored expression but before he was able to hand it back to you and give you a similar marking, he paused and did a double take as he looked at the words. “Y/N? You’re on the list.”

“The list?” Your voice was soft in confusion and buried under the sound of your friends excited squeals and laughters, feeling Joonie’s hands come up to squeeze your shoulders and shake you softly.

You weren’t understanding what was happening until you were being moved forward, hearing Heejin clarify that you all were allowed early entry before she was smiling brightly and practically caring you with the rest of them as you entered the venue ahead of everybody else. You felt a flush come up to your cheeks when you realized that Heeseung had clearly mentioned you to the staff of the building and that’s why you were currently skipping the line and heading towards the back of the venue.

It was a different place than last time, bigger and seemingly more concert specific in comparison to the bar you were at last time.

The staff member was leading you down a hallway until you were stopped in front of a door with chipping paint, a piece of paper stuck to it with tape and the bands name in big sharpie letters. You smiled softly at their names all scribbled around the bold font, knowing they must’ve stuck it outside themselves as a mock dressing room.

You felt a wave of anxiety rush up with the employee was knocking on the door twice before turning to head back outside and control the growing crowd but you didn’t have any time to panic before it was being thrown open.

“You came.” Heeseung’s eyes were wide as he looked down at you in surprise and you were parting your lips to answer him before your friends were impatiently pushing into the room, practically shoving you forward into him.

He helped steady you when you made a small noise of surprise and you were glancing up at him in embarrassment, face undoubtedly red considering he was holding onto your arms even once your feet were flat on the ground. “You look…”

You felt overwhelming self conscious when his gaze was dropping down, scanning over your outfit and body before meeting your eyes again. You’d mistakenly let Heejin and Joonie dress you after they practically spent two hours begging, remembering how awkward you felt being improperly dressed last time.

It felt even worse to be in clothes you weren’t at all used to or comfortable with and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking just based off his expression.

“It looks really good.” He was breathing out finally and you felt a wave of relief at his statement, and then self judgment for caring what he thought in the first place. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable though? I have a sweater you can wear.”

You froze up slightly as he continued to speak to you in a calm voice, somehow sensing your anxiety over the outfit despite only speaking to you a few times. You were half flattered that he cared enough to lend you some clothes and half humiliated that he could tell you didn’t normally wear things like this.

He must’ve seen outfits like this on hundreds of girls every time he had a show, knowing half the crowd would be dressed similarly to you but wearing it with a confidence and aura that you severely lacked. You didn’t have an overwhelming presence like Heejin or an alluring personality like Joonie and you’d always felt bland in comparison.

You were awkwardly glancing around the makeshift dressing room and pleased to see your friends and the band engaging in their own excited conversations and not paying you any mind.

Then your gaze was landing on one of the mirrors across the room and you were freezing up when you caught sight of you and Heeseung, still standing closer than you’d thought you were with his hands touching your arms. You almost didn’t recognize yourself for a second and despite how awful the clothes felt against your skin, you couldn’t deny that you looked good standing next to him and his similar aesthetic.

“I’ll be alright.” You were turning back to him to answer his question definitively and you tried to hold eye contact with him for a second, easier considering his hair was falling into his face again.

He was wearing eyeliner like he had been the first time you’d seen him outside the venue but it was a lot bolder and messier this time, making his eyes even bigger than they already were but completely changing his energy and appearance in comparison to the version of him you’d seen in his basement.

“Are you nervous?” You weren’t sure why that was the next thing you said to him but his eyes lit up when you whispered the question, staring up at him with wide eyes and saying it so softly he almost didn’t catch it underneath the loud crowd in the distance and your friends behind him.

“I’m excited.” He was responding back and you knew he meant it, no sign of apprehension or hesitation on his face.

You’d never seen somebody look as intense as Heeseung did when he talked about performing, his entire demeanor changing from the awkward boy who you’d been speaking to, almost seeming unsure of himself after every sentence. He didn’t even seem to think at all when he spoke about music or being on stage and you watched him curiously as he rambled on about how it felt to be up there.

You figured he probably knew you wouldn’t ever be able to understand what he was talking about unless you did it yourself but you still felt giddy that he wanted to explain it to you.

He talked about it until another team member was poking his head in to let the boys know that soundcheck was about to start and then the doors would open, also being you and your friends queue to go and get spots in the front row.

“I’ll see you out there then?” He was smiling down at you and giving a gentle squeeze to your arm that he was still holding, your own breaking out on your face despite trying to withhold and you gave him a small nod of approval before he was disappearing out the door after the others.

Your friends were obviously excited for having caught the end of your interaction and although you rolled your eyes as they begun to tease you, you couldn’t rid yourself of the bright grin you were catching between your lips and you started to head back out into the hallway and towards where the crowd would be standing.

You felt okay for now but you were starting to get more and more anxious at the realization that soon the mass of people would surge inside towards you and you’d be stuck in your place against the barricade, white knuckling it as you contemplated heading to the back of the venue and watching from there instead so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by having a panic attack right in front of the band.

“You know..” Heejin was leaning in against your side to whisper into your ear and you felt her hand squeezing your side affectionately. “Jake said that Heeseung’s never invited anybody to a show before.”

She was pulling away just in time to see your eyes widen in surprise, followed by your face flushing a bright red at the knowing look she was giving you. “Not even his family?”

You knew that the bands music wouldn’t necessarily be everybody’s personal taste, especially those of an older generation, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly confused that he wouldn’t ever ask anybody to come watch him perform. He was clearly proud of what he had created and more passionate than anyone you’d met before.

“It’s just him and his dad I guess.” She was shrugging softly and glancing up at the stage as she spoke. “Apparently he’s a huge hard ass about him doing music.”

Your face was falling into a small frown at what she was saying but you didn’t have a chance to respond before the lights were shutting off and immediately being replaced by the same red ones the other venue had put on for their set, hearing the sounds of the doors opening and feet swiftly approaching the stage.

Anxiety was immediately building up as you were getting more and more constricted in the crowd but you felt slightly better knowing your friends were around you, feeling Riki not so subtly shift his position so he was stood behind you and you weren’t going to be subject to any stranger pressing into your body.

You were going to turn and give him a grateful smile but you were cut off by the sounds of the crowd screaming louder than you’d ever heard, confused on what was causing it before you realized the boys were already coming out onto the stage.

They were only silhouettes at first without the spotlights turned on but you could tell it was Sunghoon who had ended up directly in front of you, glancing across the stage to see Heeseung on the other side beside Jungwon again like he had been the other weekend.

Then the lights were coming on, soft enough to keep the red glow but illuminating each member and their instruments. You smiled widely and couldn’t help the scream that leapt from your throat, joining in with your friends and the rest of the crowd as excitement started to fill you. You’d never been in a setting like this before and you were quickly understanding why it was so addicting.

You were already watching Heeseung from the moment he stepped on stage so you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were scanning the front section of the crowd, only settling once they passed by you before quickly backtracking as a smile curled up on his lips.

Jungwon was starting to speak into the mic and introduce them like you’d heard him do last week but you were preoccupied, watching the pink haired boy and giving him a small nod of acknowledgment with a soft smile.

Then the show was starting and you quickly realized that what you had seen last time was nothing in comparison to actually being in the crowd, an energy taking over you that you didn’t even know you possessed. You were dancing along with Heejin and gripping Sunoo’s arm in excitement as he screamed and sang along, all the while keeping your eyes on Heeseung.

He was almost like a completely different person on stage, more than just his energy considering the fact even his gaze was new to you. He was a lot more intimidating when he was staring down at you with hooded eyes, the eyeliner more smudge now and thankfully distracting you from the skillful way his fingers moved along the guitar strings.

It was hard not to think about him to the level you’d been trying to deny when he was looking at you for almost the entirety of the show, seemingly checking on you when the crowd got particularly wild and at other times almost looking smug because of how transfixed you seemed. His lip would curl into a cocky smirk that you didn’t even think he could manage and you’d feel your heart thump alive in a way it never had before.

You spent the next few months following this exact routine with him.

Every week, in the middle of it or sometimes as early as the day after a show, he’d call your house and your mom would yell your name up the stairs. He’d softly invite you to the next show and you’d excitedly tell him that you’d be there, despite knowing he already knew the answer and you knowing he just liked to hear you say it.

Sometimes you’d take your friends with you but eventually you got comfortable enough to go by yourself, you’d be let in early with a small smile to the bouncers and you’d always ask him the same question before he got on stage.

“Are you nervous?” You’d say for the dozenth time even though you knew by now that he wasn’t but every single time his eyes would light up with that fire and passion that you’d been so sucked in by and he’d always repeat the same words back in the same tone.

“I’m excited.”

Heeseung liked it best when you came to his shows so you did it every weekend you were free, even when you’d get too overwhelmed and have to sit in the dressing room or behind the stage if it was available, he just liked knowing you were there to see him and he expressed it to you every single time.

You got closer over that time outside of watching him play too, taking longer to get over that awkwardness you both carried outside of the venues when the adrenaline died down but eventually you’d stopped hanging out solely within your respective groups and started to spend some time alone together.

He’d pick you up in his shitty run down car and your mom would glare at him from the living room window, watching his hair go from pink to blue then to a red that had taken you back a few steps with its brightness when you’d first seen it.

“That’s.. a strong choice.” You’d said after you buckled your seatbelt and you were reaching forward to run your hand through it before you even had a second to think about it.

“My dad hates the color red.” Was all he had responded with and you watched the side of his face as he smiled softly and put the car into drive.

Heeseung wasn’t the most stable person to be around at times but you eventually realized that you’d never felt as comfortable taking up space as you did when you were with him, an addicting feeling that you almost had no choice but to lean forward into and you were thankful that he was always around to catch you.

You’d sit in the basement with the boys as they practiced new songs and Jake had even attempted to teach you to play some songs on the guitar, going to him for help because it felt less intimidating than asking one of the actual guitar players.

It was somehow easy to mesh into their routines and hobbies despite how different you were than them and your most fun high school memories all featured your old friends and new ones hanging out together, all packed into booths at late night diners after a particularly good show or getting makeshift tattoos from Heejin in the familiar basement that you’d spent most of the year in by the time graduation rolled around.

Heeseung was a year older than you and already graduated before you’d met him but he’d made sure to attend and watch you and your friends walk, minus Riki who still had a year left.

You’d all rushed out of the ceremony hall and squished in his car so you could drive across town and watch the rest of his friends at their own school, cheering for them all in your different colored graduation gowns and ignoring the embarrassed look on Jungwon’s face when he gave his class president speech at the beginning.

There were a lot of highs but it all came with lows too and those took you longer to adjust to.

You weren’t exactly sure how to handle it when Heeseung would show up at your house late at night, sometimes bleeding from various places on his face or panting like he’d run all the way there. You’d quickly pull him inside and ignore your moms questioning shout asking who was at the door.

Eventually you had sat her down after dinner and told her that sometimes Heeseung had issues with his dad and he didn’t have anywhere else to go, which was a slight lie on your part but you knew it felt true to him considering he never considered any other options before heading in your direction even if it was across town and a lot less welcoming than one of his friends houses.

She never was a big fan of him, of any of your friends but especially him, despite the gentle way he always said hello to her upon entry and his countless attempts to get on her good side. You’d tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything personal or anything he was doing wrong and it was just how your mother was but he seemed particularly upset about it despite normally not caring what people thought of him.

“It’s your mom, it’s different.” He was stressing his words to emphasize that it was because she was related to you that it mattered to him and you were furrowing your eyebrows and turning to look at him.

You were sat on your bed together, two months before it happened, and sharing a pair of headphones that was playing a scratchy demo of a song he’d been working on. You were popping the tape out of the device so it would stop abruptly as you sat up a little bit to be able to see his face better.

“Why do you say stuff like that?” You were asking him and he sighed softly like he always did when you begun to pry for answers regarding his behavior towards you.

Despite the way you felt around him and the fact you’d practically become inseparable in the summer following graduation, you’d never directly talked about what your relationship was or even crossed a line that would definitely give you an unspoken answer. Outside of some longing glances and hands resting a little too low on your back, you’d remained pretty platonic other than your own inner thoughts and emotions.

“Don’t know.” He was mumbling softly as he looked at you and you squinted your eyes at him in disbelief but eventually you sighed and shifted back so you were resting against your headboard again, shoulder pressed into his tightly.

When it finally happened, you pretty much assumed that your life was going to abruptly end.

The boys had been growing in popularity now that they were out of school and able to do music full time, still underaged but building enough connections with the local music scene and venues to be able to play more frequently and to older and grittier crowds.

Mixed with the rise of the internet and MTV music videos filled with long haired rockstars and half naked women, it didn’t take long for their talents to get noticed by a few different people who swore they were from the next big company and could guarantee to make Echoes of Riot each millionaires respectfully, offers that were all swiftly turned down by Heeseung (with the advice of Sunoo who had begun to fill a management like role within the group).

You’d never paid much mind to what stardom would mean for the boys despite believing to the deepest part of your heart that they deserved it and were more talented than most the people you heard over the radio. For some reason, some childish idiotic reason, you figured they’d spend the rest of your lives being teenagers playing in bars around your small hometown.

Then one night after a particularly long show, all the boys panting and sweaty as they headed back to their dressing rooms, a man had approached them similarly to the way others did almost nightly.

You knew right away that something was different this time and your friends did too, watching silently as the group stopped in their steps towards the back rooms and actually begun to pay attention to what the man was saying. Heeseung’s eyes were flickering up to yours and you raised your eyebrows at him from where you sat at the bar, shifting out of your seat when he beckoned you closer with a quick flick of his fingers.

The rest of your friends followed you and all of you made your way back to the rooms with the band and the man.

He didn’t seem at all bothered by the additional people in the room as he started to repeat his pitch behind closed doors and your heart started to clench nervously when you realized why he seemed so different.

Min Yoongi actually cared about the music quality and spreading a proper message through your work and performances, opening his monologue with descriptions of how he felt hearing and watching the videos Riki had been posting online of the group and you watched as his eyes twinkled with a passion you’d only ever seen before from the boy sitting next to you.

His hand was resting on your arm and draping over your shoulder on the couch but he couldn’t have been further away from you in that moment, holding onto every word Yoongi was saying and leaning forward occasionally to enthusiastically agree with something he was saying.

It was a jarring change after seeing him barely give the other music people a second of his time for the last few months but you understood that they had this connection you simply weren’t capable of understanding, a mutual trust built through having the same dream and passion and by the end of the first meeting, even without anything even halfway confirmed, you knew things were going to change from then on out.

Yoongi didn’t have a lot of money to invest into the boys but he was dedicated to promoting them and helping them with levels of production you’d only get with decades of experience, upping their discography to even higher levels and it wasn’t long before he was proving himself right.

“Tour?” Your voice was breaking around the word Heeseung had just said, continuing his sentence afterwards but you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said after that, your ears ringing as your face paled. “You’re leaving?”

He was faltering at the unexpected upset in your voice and you would’ve felt guilty for not matching his level of enthusiasm but you couldn’t help the wave of panic overwhelming you as you continued to try and process what he was saying.

“Hey, hey Y/N listen to me.” His voice was soft and you could feel his hand reaching forward to touch and cup your cheek, softly swiping his thumb over your smooth hot skin and shifting on the bed so he was closer to you. “It would only be for a few months, then I’d be coming back. We’d all be coming back.”

You’d somehow not processed the fact that going on tour meant the other boys would be also leaving with him and another wave of sickness swept over you at the realization you’d be losing most of your friends in one swoop, the most constant and positive thing in your entire life since you’d met them.

“I don’t want to leave, baby you know I’d never just leave.” He was quickly continuing when he realized he’d made it worse and your eyes shot up to him at the use of the pet name falling from his lips so casually despite never hearing it directed towards you before. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had said it and he was continuing on despite the surprise on your face. “But… I mean this is it.”

His words were vague but you knew exactly what they meant.

This was the end of the road for the life you’d been so happily living because despite how content and happy you were watching them play small and intimate shows, Heeseung had this hunger for more that would never be satisfied in a place like your hometown.

He didn’t mean to break your heart of course and you were definitely at fault for stupidly falling in love with a rockstar, falling victim to the oldest cliche in the book as you sat at the bus station and cried into Joonie’s shoulder. You watched as their tour bus got further and further out of sight before it was turning a corner and disappearing with all of them on it.

Things were the roughest they’d ever been for the first few months the boys were gone.

Your typical routine had been shattered and you were back to existing like a corpse, moving around from one task to the next with no real excitement or purpose. You’d never necessarily gained one but being around somebody as passionate and driven as Heeseung was like getting a secondhand high and you’d been riding the wave of his interest for the last year, now alone out at sea and stuck scrubbing the counters of a coffee shop in the small downtown area of your city.

You tried to write for the first month or two but eventually it got too hard for you to handle and you started to let Heeseung’s letters pile up. He’d still call your home phone but your mom stopped letting you know when he did and sometimes you’d hear her softly telling him that you weren’t feeling good and she’d have you call back later. She never brought it up and neither did you.

He’d call Heejin and Riki too and sometimes you’d hear his voice when you were talking to Sunoo on the phone. He’d went with them on tour after Yoongi had asked him to be their official team manager, giving him more time to handle the business side of things while Sunoo dealt with their personal schedules and issues. You’d listen to your friend lie and say he was talking to his sister and you’d thank him softly as he sighed and asked why you couldn’t just talk to your shared friend.

You didn’t know how to explain that Heeseung was something you needed to get clean from and hearing from him in small doses would make it ten times harder for you to function.

It was too much to say that his letters kept you awake all night crying as you read about how much he missed you followed by random sketches and song lyrics he was writing about you. They wouldn’t understand why you dropped a full plate of food the first time you heard them on the radio at work or why you stayed up all night to see their first actual interview on TV.

Eventually people stopped mentioning the band to you or at least spoke like the main guitarist and face of the group didn’t exist. It was easy enough to avoid for the first six months and then the articles started to roll out.

The boys hadn’t come home after their first tour and they were “temporarily” staying out in New York where there was more of a network and better opportunities. Part of you was grateful Heeseung hadn’t moved back to town, knowing you’d run into him eventually but you couldn’t stop thinking about him regardless considering the news being put out with his name on the headlines.

“That’s his third fight this week Sunoo.” You were spitting over the phone, balancing it between your shoulder and ear as you aggressively scrubbed at a dish that’d already been clean for the past few minutes. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping them in check?”

“You don’t think I’m trying Y/N?” His voice was exhausted and desperate and you felt bad immediately for snapping at him, knowing your real anger didn’t result from him. “I have no idea what to do, I’ve never seen him like this.”

All the boys had been subject to some controversy as they continued to gain quick fame and admirers but like always, your brain was laser focused on Heeseung. He was getting into drunken fights routinely and being reported with multiple women who may or may not be fans who like to kiss and tell, photos of him and the other boys looking worse and worse each passing weekend as their rockstar lifestyle truly blossomed into an absolute disaster.

Eventually you started to find yourself ignoring the news again, becoming accustomed to it and already knowing what it was going to be every time Riki sighed entering your job and slid a magazine in your direction.

Three years passed like this and while you had stopped crying every night from how much you missed Heeseung and your other friends, if you could even consider them that considering the lack of communication over the years, you still felt that empty feeling in your skin as you robotically went about your routines and lifeless activities that didn’t hold any real purpose or grand result.

At the end of the third year, stretching into a point where you’d been away from Heeseung longer than you were ever with him, Heejin had told you that the band was back in town.

She’d called you and hesitantly let you know that she had run into Jay at the local grocery store a few hours ago, citing that she hadn’t thought much about it until she was back at her tattoo shop and thinking about you possibly running into one of the boys for as long as they stuck around this time. You’d thanked her for the heads up and then buried your head into your arms in upset, both at how little distance was between you and Heeseung and also regarding the fact Sunoo hadn’t even bothered to tell you they were around.

Half of you expected it, knowing you weren’t teenagers anymore standing in a cold concert line and he didn’t owe you any update on his whereabouts, clearly not telling Heejin either considering her shock upon seeing a familiar face.

Joonie however seemed to know all about it when you hesitatingly mentioned it over lunch with her and Riki after he’d asked you why you seemed so on edge. “Well it’s been on their tour show list for like four months.”

“And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” Riki was voicing your thoughts before you could and his face was curled up in annoyance and betrayal as he shoved a fry into his mouth, clearly just as caught off guard as you and hurt considering he’d also gotten close to the members before they’d left and he was friends with Sunoo for as long as you.

“You always tell me not to talk about them in front of Y/N.” She was whining out and you glanced at the younger boy who looked slightly sheepish as she said something he clearly meant to keep private.

She wasn’t necessarily wrong and you’d grown to realize being around her was going to be hard considering how big of a fan she remained of the band even after their decline into scandal, simultaneously acting like any other fan girl and somehow also constantly bragging to others about how she knew them personally before they’d blown up. Maybe she had mentioned their return at some point but it’d been years since you started to tune her out.

“So they’re not staying?” You were finally speaking again, your voice weak and curious and she gave you a knowing look before nodding and patting your hand.

You weren’t sure why you felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they’d eventually leave again despite the fact you planned to spend the entire time they were here avoiding them and hiding out in your apartment. It was probably for the same reason she was giving you a pity filled look and Riki was picking at the skin around his nails.

It only took a few days for Joonie to push the limit on how much of her interest in the band you could take, answering her late night call to hear her hysterical as she screamed over the sound of passing cars and told you she’d completely stalled on the highway and was going to miss the show.

You told yourself that you began immediately putting on your shoes and grabbing your keys because you were a good friend and you kept repeating it in your head the entire drive to her location, swearing over and over that it had nothing to do with putting yourself closer to Heeseung. Even after her and her two friends had gotten in your car with his face on their tshirts, you swallowed your tongue and promised your heart it wasn’t for any other reason.

It wasn’t because you wanted to see the thousands of fans outside the arena, the show being on the nicer side of town and twenty minutes away from the venues they used to hold small performances for.

They thanked you continuously as you parked and then Joonie was pulling you aside to guilty whisper that you’d need to get your parking validate to be able to leave and return to pick them back up. A wave of nausea rolled over you but you were still convincing yourself you didn’t care so you swallowed your sickness and gave her a tight smile before following them outside the car.

“The booths over there.” She was telling you once you’d gotten inside and she had a wide smile on her face that matched her friends, clutching her ticket and practically beaming with excitement. “So we’ll see you at 11:30?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t trust your voice enough to speak and not give away how you were feeling so you hummed out a response to her question you barely processed before watching them squeal and walk towards the actual check in and entrance.

You rubbed your fingers together anxiously before glancing to your right and sighing seeing the line of people waiting to get their parking validated, teenage girls who looked like they barely could drive mixed in with dads and boyfriends who looked just as exhausted and irritated as you were starting to feel.

For a second you considered just leaving the girls there and asking Heejin or Riki to pick them up afterwards so you could drink yourself delirious and forget you’d ever been this close to the band but your heart clenched thinking about them having to experience the same thing and you told yourself again that you were trying to be a good friend.

You’d been standing in the line for twenty minutes, holding onto your last strand of patience and curiously listening to the fans around you talking about the boys with so much awe and wonderment.

You couldn’t help but smile at some things, hearing them gush about Jungwon’s cheeks or rave about how sexy Sunghoon’s newest guitar was and you felt a bit stupid for the pride filling your chest. You’d been avoiding them and their music, never listening to anything they’d put out in recent years but you felt happy for them knowing they were still igniting that same excitement in people even if they seemed to have lost the passion themselves.

It was almost exactly twenty one minutes later when you were feeling something tap against your shoulder, whipping your head to the side to see who had bumped into you before freezing up completely.

He had a mask on and a hat almost covering his eyes but you knew immediately who it was, eyes widening as you looked at him and then glanced around your surroundings to see if anybody had recognized him too.

“The fans don’t pay much attention to anyone without an instrument.” Sunoo was saying and you could hear him smiling even if you couldn’t see most of his face, breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling him in for a hug before you had a second to think about it.

He accepted it immediately and you were grateful that he wasn’t being distant with you despite the fact that was all you’d shown each other in recent years, melting into your hold as your eyes pricked with tears considering how much taller and thinner he was now. Sometimes when you thought of the boys, they were frozen in time and still teenagers in your head and you felt a bit dizzy as the illusion broke right in front of you.

“How’d you know I was here?” You were whispering out into his chest and then pulling back to stare up at him in amazement, scanning over his covered face.

“Sunghoon saw the hundreds of messages Joonie had sent… she actually had the guts to ask him to pick her up after her car stalled.” He was explaining and you felt embarrassed for your friend even though Sunoo was laughing like it was something funny. You got annoyed with her behavior but she was still your friend and you almost felt offended for her knowing they’d all been laughing at her attempts to reach out, no matter how baseless her connection with them seemed on their side. “We figured that you would’ve been the one to answer her calls.”

“We?” You were asking the second the word fell from his lips and a flash of regret passed over his face. “Do they all know I’m here?”

“Except for him.” He was explaining and you felt his hand squeezing your arm to try and calm you down, a flash of familiarity running through you at the feeling despite slowly recognizing the boy in front of you less and less. “But I imagine one of them is going to slip up sooner or later.”

You were nodding in understanding but your heart started to thump with anxiety and you were grateful that the arena was so full, hoping Heeseung wasn’t dumb enough to run out into a waiting room of fans to try and see you.

“I have to go.” You were practically forcing the words out and your face was pulling into a grimace as you said them, feeling short of breath and dizzy as your past and present finally started to collide despite your years of effort. “Can you…”

You were gesturing towards the parking validation ticket in your hand and he glanced down at it before looking back at your panicked eyes and nodding softly, squeezing your arm one more time before he was taking it and giving you the go ahead to get out of the arena before your chest exploded.

You didn’t know exactly what to say to him, you weren’t sure if this was a see you later or another long term goodbye and he seemed to be thinking the same thing, nodding again when you smiled sadly at him and took a few steps backwards.

Nearly losing your footing as you turned around, you were dizzyingly making your way out of the arenas main center and pushing back out into the chilled air. Your lungs tried to suck in deep breaths and you hurriedly made your way back to the parking garage but you were failing miserably and you eventually gave up all together, pausing in your quick strides and resting again the building with your eyes shut tight.

It wasn’t at all quiet, fans still gathered outside before the show and traffic beeps and honks as people tried to get in and out of the busy area, but your head felt empty and shut down.

The sound of footsteps approaching you crept into your dizzy brain and you took a deep breath before looking up, somehow already knowing who it was going to be without so much as a glance. He was stopping a few feet away from you when you looked up and your legs felt weaker as you stared at him in silence.

He was wearing a mask and a hat like Sunoo and whilst you’d been disappointed earlier about not being able to see your old friends face, now you were extremely grateful for the coverage. It didn’t help much considering you could still see the most recognizable part of him, his big eyes blinking at you in shock.

“You don’t look that surprised.” Heeseung’s voice was shockingly similar to how it was last time you’d heard it in person, the tone only slightly deeper and the only major change being the lifelessness behind his words as he watched you stand up straight.

He was right, for some reason you weren’t at all shocked to see him in front of you but he was in the same spot as you considering he came to find you in the first place. “Should I be? You’re here aren’t you?”

You heard him scoff softly before he was turning his head to look around the area, handful of fans still wandering around but slowly starting to disperse as they made their way insides to find their seats and buy the merch. He was glancing back at you quickly and then he was reaching up to take his mask off.

He didn’t say anything for a while after he took it off and you just stared at him, scanning over his face and the difference that time had handed to him. His features were a lot sharper now, growing into his nose and ears perfectly and you once again were hit with the reality that you’d been apart for a long time and the boy you knew was long gone.

“Sunoo validated your ticket.” He was starting to speak suddenly, awkwardness seeping into his tone due to your prolonged silent stare and you watched him dig into his pocket to retrieve the crumbled up piece of paper the parking machine had given you. “He got busy so I just brought it out.”

“He got busy?” You questioned and took a step forward away from the building, taking it from him swiftly and wincing when your finger brushed against his. “You’re the one in the band.”

He didn’t say anything to that, clearly lying about why he had been the one to bring the ticket out but making no move to correct himself or attempt to be honest with you. You didn’t really mind considering you were in a similar boat, having no real reason to rest again the building like you had other than buying yourself more time in the area.

“You’re not staying?” He was asking and his voice broke slightly which caused a large frown to form on your face, not sure why he had to even ask considering you both knew you weren’t going to watch his show.

“I’ll be back after to..” You awkwardly trailed off and lifted your hand that was clutching the parking ticket, indicating the reason you were there and watching him carefully. “Are you nervous?”

He tensed up as the familiar words fell from your lips and you felt like the air stopped moving for a second before he answered. He’d heard it asked thousands of times since it last was in your voice in that specific tone but it never bothered him before after the first year.

It was asked genuinely by other people, actually wondering if he was feeling nervous or at times doubting his abilities and using it as a way to get under his skin. Nobody ever made the simple question feel as important as you did and he understood why now that he was older and had plenty of time to think about it. You asked him, not because you thought he was or you figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the stage and the pressure, but because you knew it ignited a fire in him.

You’d ask him just to hear him repeat back in a firm voice how excited he was, to see that passion flare up in his eyes and give him an opportunity to voice some solid self confidence before he got up there to perform.

You knew right away that the phrase brought him back as far in time as it did you but your stomach turned at the blank look on his face, nothing arising to the surface at the triggered memory and instead he almost looked like he was deflating as you stood there.

“I’m just… tired.” He was eventually muttering back and clearing his throat before anxiously scratching at the back of his neck, both of you knowing the weight of his unusual answer and preparing to cripple under it once you were out of the suffocating hold his gaze had on you.

The both of you stood there for a few seconds longer before you could hear the screaming getting louder from inside, his head turning towards the building before looking back at you with a defeated expression. You knew without him saying it that he needed to go and that same feeling you had with Sunoo started to creep up again, not knowing what type of goodbye this was.

“There’s a second show tomorrow.” He was rushing out and then chewing on his lip ring as he avoided your questioning gaze. “You’ll be on the list.”

He glanced at you one more time but he seemed to understand that you weren’t going to give him a definite response, nodding his head in conclusion before he was turning around and jogging back towards the side entrance of the arena.

All the air returned to your lungs once he was finally out of sight and then immediately left again once you broke into a heavy sob, stumbling back a bit before quickly gathering your emotions and trying your best to hold yourself together.

You were quickly wiping your tears and glancing around to make sure nobody had been a witness to your abrupt meltdown, reminding yourself why you were there in the first place and heading back to your car like your world hadn’t just been taken off pause.

——

It had only taken you two seconds after the invitation fell from Heeseung’s lips to decide that you were going to go to the show.

He had said it like it was a question but the look in his eye told you that he didn’t think you’d come, but he still had invited you and that stupid part of you felt like that had to mean something. You’d had Riki pick the girls up from the concert that night and you ignored Joonie’s calls and the countless uploads she’d had from the concert.

You didn’t need to see the boys performing like nothing had happened, like your entire life hadn’t been flipped outside down with just a few sentences from the boy you’d tried your hardest to forget about the past few years.

It was a bit hypocritical considering you were currently back at the same exact place you were running from yesterday, this time walking in the opposite direction of the parking validation booth and awkwardly approaching the ticketing line. You felt like an idiot telling the staff that you were on the list, seeing their annoyed expressions and knowing they must hear it a dozen times a night from fan girls trying to get backstage.

“Nice try but there’s only ever been one name on the list and trust me, that seats never been taken.” The man was talking to you in a bored tone and your heart clenched at the implication of what he was saying.

You wondered if it was something Heeseung had done at the beginning of the tour in case you decided to come to one of the shows but he knew you well enough to know you never would and you certainly would never stride in the place without a ticket expecting to be on the list.

Eventually you figured that he had put you on there with the hopes that one day he’d have the guts to invite you and your heart shattered a bit more thinking about the fact that he never did, never even attempting as far as you were concerned and aware of. You cleared your throat awkwardly and rummaged in your bag to pull out your ID and hand it to the man silently.

His eyes flickered down to it for a second before looking back up at your face and you saw a wave of shock come over him, immediately followed by embarrassment for doubting you in the first place.

You gave him an awkward half smile and then an appreciative nod when he was stepping aside and allowing you to enter the main performance area. You were pausing at the top of the entrance way, eyes scanning over the large arena and feeling a bit sick considering how many seats were there and how few of them were empty.

You were starting to regret showing up and preparing to turn around and head back out before the show started but you were snapped out of your panic when your phone was ringing in your pocket. You were snatching it out in hopes that it was one of your friends trying to calm you down but your eyebrows furrowed when you saw it was an unknown number.

Finger hovering over the decline button, you had half the mind to consider the fact it might be Heeseung and you were answering it and putting it to your ear before you had a second to think about it.

“You actually came.” You immediately tensed up when the voice was filtering through the speaker, different and raspier but you knew who it was from the first word.

“How do you know I’m here?” You were dumbly asking and glancing around you like he was going to be standing in the shadows somewhere, frowning slightly when he laughed into the phone.

“He told them to alert him immediately if you ever showed up.” Jake was saying as an explanation and halfway confirming your suspicions about how long you’d been kept on the list despite never coming or reaching out to them. “And you’re finally here.”

“I’m not staying.” You were saying quickly and a rough edge seeped into your voice, something you hadn’t had last time he knew you but he also hadn’t been so cocky and demeaning last time you spoke to him so you were equal in that sense.

He was sighing softly and you paused at the sound, not expecting him to sound so defeated. You’d spoken to Jake more than the others over the years, only a few times but he had come home once or twice to visit family and it was hard to avoid him considering he actively was seeking you and the others out each time.

You weren’t really sure why he kept coming around and eventually you realized that he didn’t seem to know why either, looking more and more lost and less like himself every time you saw him. Jake was always so carefree and happy to be around that time you’d all spent together, genuinely seeming like he felt lucky for all of you and the music they were making together.

This new version of him was the most jarring to you out of everybody else because he had gotten sad and then he had gotten very very cold, almost angry every time you saw him and always feeling like he was on the edge of snapping.

You imagine that helped him out on the stage and you finally felt like he fit the rough drummer image that had been given to him by fans and media despite never making that connection yourself when you had known him. So to hear him sigh softly hearing that you were planning on leaving before they even performed, you were stopping in your tracks and finding yourself willing to hear him out.

“He doesn’t know you’re here yet and he’s driving himself so insane that he’s sick in the bathroom.” He was saying in a lower tone and you imagined that staff and other members were around him considering how soon the show was going to start. “No one can get him to come out but I have a feeling on who might.”

Tears were filling your eyes as he spoke about Heeseung’s condition but you were shaking your head in denial despite the fact he couldn’t see you, wiping your face with your sleeve before whispering back to him in a shaky tone. “I can’t do this Jake.”

“Please Y/N.” He was quickly retorting back and he sounded so similar to how he used to that you felt floored. His tone was genuine and filled with concern for his friend and you’d almost forgotten what he sounded like when he cared about something. “All these years you haven’t answered him, please don’t leave yet. Atleast get him on stage and then you can go and I’ll make sure he can’t find you for the rest of the time we’re here.”

Your breath was catching at the last half of his rushed statement and you were covering your mouth for a second with a shaky hand. It took you a few breaths to think of what to say and he stayed silent on the other line throughout it.

“Promise me.” You were mumbling out and clutching the device so hard you were worried it would crack, hearing nothing on the other side for a bit as your stomach bubbled with thick anxiety. “Promise me you’ll keep him away from me after this.”

It went silent again and you were almost positive that he had hung up the phone before he was speaking again in a defeated tone. “I promise.”

——

If you had gone back to the week before and told yourself that you’d be standing in a room with all of your old friends, you would’ve probably hid under the counter at work and begged future you to leave you alone.

You were trying your best to not showcase the fact that you were absolutely freaking out and filling with more and more devastation every time one of them spoke in their lifeless and annoyed tones, bickering behind you about the purpose of your presence and debating wether it was a good idea or not to allow you to be the one to try and gather Heeseung.

“He invited her for a reason Hoon.” Sunoo was sighing in your defense but he didn’t seem optimistic about it either, barely sparing you a glance since you walked through the door and anxiously checking his walkie talkie every few minutes to try and update the staff.

“Because he saw her yesterday and it fucked him up, he’s not in his right mind.” Jay was snapping before Sunghoon could answer for himself and you flinched at his loud tone, taking a step back when he was standing off the couch and throwing an arm in your general direction to emphasize that it was your fault.

You were frowning deeply at the accusation, not understanding how it could possibly be your fault that Heeseung was having a melt down especially when they didn’t seem that rare for him, his general anxiety and mental health another constant topic in the tabloids.

They continued to argue and you did your best to tune them out while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact Jungwon was silently staring at you from the corner and Jake was only a few feet away from you with his arms crossed. He hadn’t said much to come to your defense but he was continuously shooting you glances like he was trying to monitor your reactions.

You might as well have been in a room full of amped up strangers, possibly high as they paced and jittered about and a part of you felt like you were grieving now that you knew there would be no way to pretend things were still the same, no more pretending time was frozen and nothing had changed.

“Have any of you been able to calm him down this entire time?” You were suddenly asking from near the wall and it was the first time you’d spoken since you’d gotten in there.

The reaction was immediate and varying from each boy, half of them tensing up and looking more frustrated at the sound of your familiar voice and the others almost instantaneously losing the tension in their shoulders with softened eyes. It was like they hadn’t fully processed you being there until you spoke, talking around you in hypotheticals like you imagined they’d been doing over the years.

You wondered if you were a topic they were supposed to avoid mentioning like Heeseung had become for you. Then you selfishly wondered if they’d missed you at all.

Nobody answered for a while and then Jungwon was shaking his head softly, holding your gaze with a sympathetic look that caused you to nod in understanding. “Isn’t it worth a try then?”

“We have 15 minutes.” Sunghoon was saying in that same cold tone he’d been using but it held some level of defeat this time, slumping back into the couch and saying no form of the objection he had voiced so quickly earlier.

You were being directed to a hallway suddenly by Sunoo and before you could say anything or ask why he was ushering you out, he was hastily pointing to a door and scurrying off back towards the dressing room. You didn’t necessarily need him to explain, hearing the soft sobs and gags coming from behind the door now, but you wished he had given you a bit more time to collect yourself or think of something to say.

You took a deep breath and decided to not stall and try to gather some of the might you had the other night, pushing through the door and pausing once you were on the other side of it.

“If I have to tell you to fuck off one more time I’m going to get everybody in this shitty arena fired.”

Heeseung’s voice was coming from one of the stalls and your entire body locked up at the sound of it, never hearing him quite so angry before but also never hearing him sound so empty and wrecked. He was clearly holding back his sobs now that somebody was in there but you could see one of his leather boots poking into the stall next to his, laying on the floor and most likely clutching the toilet.

You were approaching the plastic door without saying anything and tugging on it softly once you were close to it, your fingers curling around the top of it and pulling it towards you with a small shake.

Heeseung’s words about the arena being shitty weren’t necessarily incorrect considering the lock on the door was immediately budging and it was flying open towards you, revealing you standing behind it to his swollen eyes and allowing you to see his frame curled up on the floor in a sickened despair.

He looked beyond surprised to see you and you were almost worried he was going to throw up again just from the shock of your arrival, his body locking up and then immediately tensing even more when you were taking a reluctant step inside the stall with him. You may have been practically strangers with a heavy history now but you still knew Heeseung better than you knew yourself most days and you felt that same comfort and familiarity as you always did.

So you were sinking to the dirty floor across from him and sighing softly, letting your head lean against the wall of the stall and glancing at him hesitantly.

“You came.” He was finally breathing out and his voice sounded tight because of your close proximity, not necessarily touching but the closest you’d been in almost half a decade. He was struggling to sit up but he eventually managed and stretched his legs out in your direction, both of you sitting in the same position across from each other.

“You invited me.” You whispered back to him with a small sad smile that was slipping away as fast as it came. “I was on the list.”

He didn’t laugh but you could tell he appreciated your attempts to lighten the situation, eyes softening slightly at the way your shoulders raised into a small casual shrug.

“What’s happening Heeseung?” You were asking him but you both knew what it was already and you felt just as sick as he looked as you said his name, almost feeling like a swear word as it fell from your lips naturally. “Why are we here right now?”

“You…” He was pausing as his voice shook and you watched him closely, not missing the way he was avoiding looking in your direction and instead staring down at the shaky hands that were picking at his fingers in his lap. “You stopped answering the letters, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

Your shoulders deflated as he spoke in a hurt voice, clearly being bothered by your lack of communication and not at all understanding why you had done it in the first place. You admit that it was a bit childish on your side to completely cut him off without a final conversation but you knew Heeseung would never just let you go like you needed.

“It was only supposed to be a few months Hee, you said you’d come home and you never did.” You tried to keep your tone less accusatory than his but you were also extremely hurt by what he had done.

You’d spend the entirety of your time with Heeseung making him your source of happiness and that was your first mistake because he was always bound to leave. He was always set after something much bigger than your town could ever offer but you guess a stupid part of you thought that you would be enough for him to stay.

You didn’t want him to give up his dreams, it was the entire reason you fell for him in the first place but you just wished time could stay frozen in that summer.

It’d been years and you still could feel him sitting next to you, never smoking with the others because you didn’t even though you knew he did it when you weren’t around. He was always supporting you like that and even though neither of you ever said it out loud, you knew he loved you too. It wasn’t his fault that he loved music more and you could never compare to the feeling it gave him but you tried your hardest.

Sometimes you thought it was working, when he’d come over after practice and you’d lay together in your backyard with its overgrown grass. You’d feel it tickling against your bare skin when you laughed at a stupid joke he made and rolled in the other direction clutching your stomach.

Other times you were once again hit with the reminder that he was only temporary, you’d see him zone out listening over and over to tracks he’d been producing or his eyes would go wide with amazement any time you went to a show that wasn’t his.

And you were completely right about him being temporary up until now, watching him sit across from you with that broken expression on his face that made you sick every time you locked eyes with him. You weren’t sure what exactly started his decline, you felt guilt for playing a large part in it but you didn’t think it would be much difference if you had stuck around his life anyways.

Maybe you would’ve begged him to come home when he started going to star filled parties, too many drugs to avoid and too much pressure to fit in to not indulge. Maybe you would’ve called Yoongi and demanded for a hiatus, giving you some time to come see him or bring him back home for a week or two to calm him and his system down.

Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up on the dirty floor of a public bathroom where he was vomiting his guts out just a few minutes ago. You could’ve been back in your long grass or pressed next to him on his dads old couch, still just as young and just as silently inlove with the boy with pretty pink hair and eyes so wide and amazed you couldn’t help but drink them in.

“I would’ve stayed.” He was finally forcing out the words necessary to snap you from your thoughts, the words you’d been considering for the past few years. “If you told me to stay I would have in a second.”

“And then what?” You were retorting quickly but your tone was weak and sad instead of bitter and iced over, shaking your head softly and giving him another sad smile and humorless laugh as you considered the option. “We grow old together with you secretly hating me for ruining your dreams, I live with the guilt of making you do that.”

“I could never hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you, trust me I’ve tried.” His tone was the opposite of yours, aggressive and nasty as he spat out the words like they burned but you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you necessarily.

You let the two of you fall into an unfamiliar silence, giving him time to collect himself before he accidentally said something he’d eventually end up regretting even more than he already was.

He didn’t say anything either and he seemed to understand what you were doing, sighing out a shuttered breath before he was scooting forward across the floor until his knees were knocking against yours. You glanced up at him and your face fell at the exhausted look on his face, leaning forward similarly until you could wrap your hands around his and squeeze them tightly with your thumbs rubbing over his calloused skin.

Heeseung was sucking in a breath at the feeling of you touching him and then he was breaking into small hiccuped sobs that left you feeling heavy and lost on what you could do to help him.

You were letting yourself sink back into the past when you were moving forward even more so you could pull him closer towards you, his upper half practically in your lap now as you cradled his head and softly pet his damp hair that was dyed black now and messily falling into his eyes.

Your own eyes were falling shut and you were resting yourself on top of him, half hugging each other and half just giving up and letting the weight of his body and yours combine into a mess of limbs and heavy sobs. It was making you feel both better and worse, feeling him so close again but not knowing if it was the last time and also holding the knowledge that you’d missed such a large portion of time with him like this.

It wasn’t possible to get back everything you’d missed, it wasn’t possible to rewind and start over and you weren’t sure there was any way to prevent this amount of hurt anyways.

You could’ve asked him to stay with you all those years ago but then you’d never see that light within him again and you know it would always be on the back of his mind, his fingers and heart always aching for more than what you could give him and you’d stay up countless nights regretting making him give that up for you.

Maybe if you had answered his letters, picked up his relentless calls and heard him out when he didn’t come home. He could’ve had a good reason or maybe just hearing him finally say he loved you would be enough for you to handle the impossible distance.

So many what ifs that you’d never get the answer to because you weren’t there and you’d never get back there again no matter how much your heart still held onto the past and your love together.

Instead you were here and this was where the road with him had led you, cradling each other as the crowd cheered for him outside and it fell on your deaf ears. You knew he wasn’t going to let you go and you weren’t going to make him, you weren’t going to make him choose again and you didn’t know if that would be enough this time but you listened to him cry and prayed it would be.

Heeseung sung out a choir of sobs and gasps into your chest and you knew you would stay with him for as long as he needed you too, until his cries died down or your legs went numb.

Until the cheers fell into silence and the fans went home for the night disappointed, at least holding the knowledge that the music would still be there tomorrow.

You still weren’t positive that he was really here with you and he still felt as fleeting and temporary as he did when you first had met him, wide eyed and stuttered conversations. It was only a small flicker of hope and comfort that your love for him was the most permanent thing you’d ever experienced.

And that small flicker was more than enough for you.

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