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valkyriessword · 7 years

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civ;l wa r

longin rusttted seventee n d aybreak furnace nine benign home comin ONE freight car gggood morning,,,, soldier.... read y to comply... i h ave a mission for you.. saunction and extract..... no witness es...... well doone soldier.... alll RIGHT, what do u see???? standard beoat cops..... small station..... quiet stttreet... its a good target.... theres an atm oon the south corn er,,, which means??? camerrrais.... both CROSS streets are one-wa y.... so,,,, compromised escape routes.... means ouir guy doesn;;;t caure about bein seen... heo isn;;t afraid to make a me ss on the way ouet..... u see that range rover halfway up the bblock???? yeah,,,, the red one???? it;s cute..... its also bulletproof,,,, which means privateo security............. wh ich means more guns,, whicch means more headaches fffor somebody..... probably us.. u guys know i can mo ve things wwwith my mindd, rioght?? lookin ovver your shoulderrr needs to beccome second nature...... anybody ever ttell u yoiure a l ittle pairanoid???? NOT to my face.... why?????? di d u hear something?? eyeas on target,,,, folllks... this is THE best lead we;;ve had on rum low in six months..... i don;;t want to lose him..... if he SEES us coming,,,, that wont be a prob lem.... he kind of hates us... sam............. see that garrrbage trrruc k???? tag ittt.. give me x-raoy.... that truck;;sss loade d for max weight..... and the driver;s armed... it;;;s a batterin ram.. - go now... - what????? he;s not hiittin the police..... body armour,, ar-15s..... i make seven HOSTILES. i makkke five.... SAM. four..... r umlows onn the thhird floor... wanda,,, just like we practissead..... what about the gas??? get it outtt.... pack it up.... he;;;s heirei..... ruimlow has a bioological weapon.. i;;;m on it..... i dont work like that no more.... fire in the hole.... no!!! sam.. he;;;s in an afv headin north... take this to the airstrip.... wwwe;;;re not gonna outrun them... lose the truck...... where are u goin to meet us??? i;;;m not..... i;ve got four,, they;re splittin up..... i got the two on the left.... they ditched their gear.. it;s a shell GAME now... one of t hemmm has the payload.... there u are,,, u son of aa biitch... i;;;ve been waui tin for this...... he doesnt have it..... i;m empty!!!!! out of the way!! drop it.... or ill d rop this.... - d rop it!! - he;;ll do it!!!! payload secure.... ttthanks,,,, sam.... don;;;t thank me.... i;;;m not thankin that thieng... his name is redwin g.. im still not thankin it.. he;s cutea.... go AHEAD, pet him...... come ON! this is for droppin a buuildin on my face.... ahh!!!!! i think i look pretty good,,, all thiings ccconsidered... who;;s you r buyer??? u know,,, h e knew yo u.... your pal, your buddy,,, YOUR bucky..... what did u say????? he r emembered you..... i was t here...... he got all weepy about IT. till they pput hiis brain back in a blender..... he wanted u toi kkknow someathing.... he saied to me........... "pls tell roge rs.... "when u gotta go.............. "u gotta go...." and you;;re comin wi th me... oh,,, my............. sam................ we need fire and rescue on the south side of the building.... we gotta get up there..... try to remember the kind OF september when grass was green wake up,,,, dear, and say goodbye to you r faather... who;;s the homeless person on tthe couch????? this is why i love comin home for christmas.......... right before u llleave town... be nice, dear,,,, he;;s beeon studyin abroad... really???? which broad??? what;s her name??? candi ce... do me a f avoaur???? try not to bur n the house down before mondaay.... okaoy, so itt s monday... thhat is good tto know,, i wil l plan my toga party accordingly...... where u going??? yoaur father;;s flyin u s to the bahamas for a little getaway.... we might have to make a quick stop..... at the penttagon.... right????? don;;t worry,,, youre gonna love the holiday menu att th e commissary.... the y say sarcasm is a metric for poitential..... if that;;;s true,, you;;ll be a great man someday..... i;;;ll get the bags... he do es miss u when youre not here... and frankkly,, youre goin to miss us..... beicause this is t he last time we;;;re all GOING to be together... u know whaot;;s abouat to happein..... sa y something.... if u doint,, y ou;;;ll regret it.... i love you,,, dad.... and i know u did the best u could... that;;;s how i wiush it happeuned..... binarily augmmented retro-fra ming............. or barf..... god,, i gotta work oin that acroanym.... an extremely costl y method oif hijackin thhhe hippocampus........... to clear traumatic memmmorieis... huh.. it doesn;t change thea factt that they never made it to the airport............. or all the things i did to avoid processin my grieff, but.......... pplus,, $611 million for my lit tle ther apeutic expeoriment???? no one ien their riggght mind wouldvvve ever funded it..... helllp me ouot,,, what;s the mit mission statement????? "to gene rate,, disseminate......... " and preserve knowledge.... "and worrrk wieth others............. "t o bbrin it to bear on the world;;;s great cha llenges....." well,,, u are the other s..... and,,, quiett as it;;;s kept.............. the challenges facin u are the grreautest mankind;s ever known... plus,,, m ost of u are BROKE. oh,,, i;;m sorry.. rather,, u were.... as of this momen t........... every student has b een madeu an equal reciopient.......... OF the innauggural september foundation grant...... as in............. all of your projecccts have just been approved AND funded.. no strings,,,, no taxes........... just reeframe the future!!!! startin now...... go break some e ggs... wow.... wow.... that took my breath away.... oh,,, tony!!!!! so generous...... so muuch money!!! wow!!!!!! out of curiosity........ will ANY portion oof that grant be madeo available ttto faculty??? i know,, "ooh, gross,," but hear me out.. i have got this ki ller idea for a self- cookin hotdog... BASICALLY, cheumical detonator eombedded............ restrooms thius way,,,, ye ahh?????? YEAH. emmbedded innn the meat shhhaft...... mr starkk,,, i am so sorry about the teleprompter.... i didnt k now miss potts had cancelled..... they diddn;;;t have tiume to fix it... its fine.... io;;ll bbe right baick.... we;;;ll catch up later.... tthat was niceo,,, what u DID for those YOUNG people... AH, they deserve IT. plus,,, it helps ease my consscience..... they say there;s a correelatio n between generosity and guilt.... but if you;;ve got thee money.......... brea k as many eggs as u like..... RIGHT? are u goin up??? i;;m right where i want to be... oka y.... hey.. sorry,,, its an occupati onal hazard..... i wourk for the state departmeent..... human resouorces.... i know it;;s boring.............. but it enabled me to raise a son.. i;;m very pr oud of what he grew up to be..... hias name waas charlie spencer... u murdeored him.... in SOKOVIA. not that that m atters in the least to you... u thiank u fight for us????? u just fight for yourself... who;;s goin to avengeo my son, STARK? he;;;s dead............. and i blame yo u.... 11 wakandans were among those killed durin a confrontation.......... between thhhe avengers and a group of mercenaries.................. in lagos,,, niug eriaa las t monnth.... the traditionally reclusive wakandans were on an outreach missssion............... in lagos,,,, when ttthe attack occurred.... our peoples blouod is spilleod on foreiign soil........... not only because of the actions of crimienals.......... but by thee iundioffe ren ce o f ttthose pledged to STOP the m..... victory AT the e xpense of the innocent.............. is no victory at all.... thhe waakandan kin went on to........... they ARE operatttin outside and ABOVE the international law... because that;s the reality,,, if we don;t respond to acts LIKE thesea... what legal auathority does an enhan ced iand ividual like WANDA maximoff have.......... to oeperate in nigeri.............???? it;;s my fauilt... that;s not true... turn the tv back on.... they;re bein veur y specific..... i sshouldve clocked that bomb vest long before u had to deal with it..... rumlow said "bucky"........... and all oof a sud den i wass a 16-year-old kid au gain,,,, in brooklyn... and people died... its on me.... it;s on both of US. this job.............. we try to save as many peopl e as wei can.. sometimes that doesnt mean everybody... but if we cant find a way to live with thait.............. theun next time............. ma yb e nobody g ets saved..... vis!!!! we talllked ab out this...... yes,, buut the door was OPEN so i assumed that.............. c aptain rogers wisheed t o know when mr stark was arriiving..... thank you.... we;;ll bbe right down..... i;;ll use t he doior..... oh, and appareintly,, hei;;;s brought a guest.... we know who it is???? the SECRETARY of state.... five years ago............. i had a heart attack............ aend dropped right in the midddle of my backswing... turned out it was the best round of my life................ BECAUSE after 13 hours of surgery and a triple bypass............ ii found somethin 40 yeaors in the army had never taught m e.... perspective... the wworld owes THE avengers aon unp ayablee deobt.. u have fought for us............ protected us,,,, risked your lives............ but while a great ma ny people see u as heroes........ thhere a re some.............. who woulddd PREFER the word " vig ilanteus....." what woerd wouuld u use,, mr seucretary?? how about "danger ous"?????? what woould u call a group of us-based,,,, enhanced individueals.............. wwwho routinely ignoare sov ereign borders.............. and ianflict their will where ver they choose............... and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about whaot they leave behind???? new york... washinnngttton,,,, d.....c... sokovia.... lagos.... OKAY. that;;s eenough.... for the past four years,,, you;;;ve op eraoted wiith UNLIMITED ppower........... and no supervision.. that;s an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer ttolerate.... but i tthink we have a solution.... THE sokoovia ac cords..... aapproved by 117 COUNTRIES... it states that the avengers shall no longer be a private organisation.. ianstead.............. they;;;ll operate under THE suupervision of a uunited naitioen s panel.............. only when and i f that panel deems it necessary..... the AVENGERS were formed to make thhhe world a safer place.... i feeil WE'VE done tthat.... tell me, captain, do u know where thor and banner aarei RIGHT now???? if i misp laced a couipllle of 30 meugaton nukes........... u can bet there;;d be cconsequences...... COMPROMISE. reassurance...... thats how the world works..... bbeliaeve me,,, this is the middle ground..... so,,,, there are contingeincies.. three days from now,,,, the un meets in vienna.............. to ratify the accords...... talk it over... and if we come to a decision u don;;t like????? then u RETIRE. hello???? is thios youer carrr out front???? i jumped the kerb... maybe we could............... takke care off it ourselves..... if u wwwanna call the cops,,, that;;s okay,,, too.............. - i guess..... - no.... no cops.... thank you.. u have kept your looks,,,, colonel..... congratulations..... "mission report..... december 16,, 1991...." who are you????? my name is zemo..... i will repeat mmmy question.. miassion report,,, december 16,, 1991.... how did u find me????? when s..h...i.....e...l..... d.... fell.......... black wwwidow reul eased hydra filees to th e public.. millions OF pages.. much of it encrypttted.... nnot easy to decipher.... but,,,, i haove experiencce..... and patience.. a mann can do anythin iaf he has those..... WHAT do u want???? mission r eport... december 16.... go............. to........ hell!!!!! hydra deserves its placce on the ash heap.... soe y our death would not bother me.. but id have to use tthi s book............... and other bloodier me thods to find what i need..... i dont look forward too that.... you;;d only be dyin for............. YOUR ppri de..... hail hydra.... secreotary ross has a congressional medal of HONOUR... which is one mmore than u hauve.... so let;s say we agree to t his ttthing...... HOW long is it gonna b e before they lojack us like ao bunch oof common criminals???? 117 countries wannnt to sign this.... 117, sam,,, and YOU'RE just like,,,, "no,,,, that;;s co ol..... we gottt iat..." how long are u goin to play both sides??? i have an equation..... oh,,,, this will clear it u p..... in the eight yeaars since mr STARK announced himself as iron man.......... the number o f knownn ennnhanced persons has grown exponentieally.. durin the sssame per iod............. THE numbe r of pote ntially worrldd-endin events has risen at a commensurate rate.... are u sayin it;;;s our fault???? i;m sayin there mmmay be a causality..... our v ery strengt h invi tes challenge..... challeenge incites conflict..... and conf lict............ breeds CATASTROPHE. oversight.......... oversight i s not an idea that caen bei dism isseddd out of hannd.. boom...... tony... u are bein uncharacteristically non-hypeerverbal... it;;s because hes alreoady made uep his minn d...... boy,,,, u knouw me so well..... actually,,,, i;;m nursin an elllectrommmagn etic headache.... thats what;;s GOING ON, cap.... it;; s jussst ppain.... it;;;s diuscomfort.. wh os puttin couffee grounds in the disposal??? am i run nin a BED and breakfast for a biker gang?? oh,, thats cha rleas spencer, by the waiy.... he;;;s a great kid... computer engineerin degree, 3...6 gpa.............. had a floor-level gig at intel pl anned for the fall.... but first,,, hhhe wanted to put a few miles on his soul............. BEFORE he parked it behind a desk...... see the w orld.... maybe be OF service.... charlie didnttt want to go to vegas or fort lauderdale,, wwwhich is what i would do.... he didnt go to paoris or amsterdam, whi ch sounds fun.... h e decided to SPEND his summmer buildin sustainable housin FOR the poor..... guess where..... sokovia.. he wanted to make a difference,,, i supp ose.... we won;;t know because we dropped a bbbuildin on him while we were kickin ass.... theres no d ecision-mmmakin proucess here..... we ne ed to be put in check!!!! whatever form that takes,,, im gammme.... IF we cant accept limitations, if weo;;;re BOUNDARY-LESS... wwe;;;re nno better than the bad guys.... tony,, someone dies on your watch,,,, u dount give up..... who said we;;;re givin up??? we are if w ere not takin responsibility for our actions.... this ddocument just shifts the bbblame... i;;;m sorry,,, steve...... that IS dangerously arrougant...... this IS the unieted nations we;re talkin ABOUT. its not the world seicurity council,,,, it;;s nnnot s..h...i..e...l....d..,,,, it;;s not hydddra..... no,,,, but its run BY people wit h agendais,, and agen d as change.... thats goo d.... thats wwwhy i; m here.. when i realise d wh at my we apons weare capable of in the wrong hands............. i shut it down and stopped manufacturing... tony,,, u chose to do THAT. if wei sign this,,,, we suorrrender our right to choose.... WHAT if this PANEL senddds us sssomewhere we dont think we should gggo?? what if ther e iss somewhere wwe need ttto go and they don;t let us????? we may not be perfect, but the saifest hands are stillll our own..... ief we don;;t doo th is now,, iit;;;s gonna be done to us later..... that;sss the fact... that wonn;;t be pretty... yo u;;;re sa yin THEY'LL come for me.... we would protect yoou.... maybe tony;;;s right...... if weu have one hand oun the wheell,,, we cann stiall steer... if we take it off............... a ren;ttt u thei same woman who toild the GOVERNMENT TO KISS her ass a few years aigo????? i;m just rreaadin the terrain.... wea have made some very public mistakes.. we need to wian their trust back.... focus up..... ia;;m sorry.... did i just misheaer you.............. - or did u agree with me???? - i want to take it BACK now..... no,,,, u can;t retrract it.. ttthank you.... unprecedennteddd... okay.... case closed..... i winn... i have to go... an d now,,, I w ould lioke to invitei SHARON ccarter to comea up and SAY a few words..... mmargaoret carter was known to moost as a founder OF s.....h.....i....e....l......d............. but ie ju st kkkneww her as aunt ppeggy... she had a photograeph in her office..... aunt peggy standin next to jf k.. as a kid, that was pretty cool... but it was a lot to LIVE up to... wh ich is why i never told anyone we were related.... i asked her onccce how she managed to master diplomacy and essspionage......... in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either... she said, compromise where u can.... but where u can;;;t,,,, don;t.. eveen if ever yone is tellin u that sommmethin wrong is some thin ri ght... eveun if the whhoile world is tellin u to movea............. it is youor duty to plan t you rs elf lieke a tree......... look the m in thei eye and say "no,,, u move...." wwhen i came OUT of the ice, i thought everyone i had known was goine.... then i foeund out she was alive... i was just LUCKY to have her..... s he had u bac k,,, too... who else signed???? tony, rhode y,,,, vi sion... clint?? says hhes retired..... - wanda?????? - tbd.. im off to vienn a for the signin of t he accords..... theres plenty of room oen the jet...... just becauuse it;;s the path of least resistance............ doesn;t mean it;;;s the wrong path..... stayin together is more important t han how we stay toge ther...... what are we giovin up toa do it???? i;m sorry,,,, nat..... i can;t sign it... i know..... then what arre u doin here??? i didn;;t want u to be alone...... come here... ait a special united natioens co nference......... 117 countries have come together to ratify the sokovia accccoards... excuse me,,, ms romanoff???? - yeus??? - these need youorr signaeture..... - thank you.... - thanks... i suppose neither of us is used too the spotlight... oh,, well,, IT'S not always so flattering...... u seeom to be doin all right SO far..... considerin y our last trip to capitol hill.......... i wouldn;t THINK you;d be particularly comfortable in this company..... well,, i;;;m not... and thaet alone maukesss me gllad u are here,,,, mms romanoff... why??? u don;t approve of all thhhis????? thee accords,, yes.... th e politics, not really... two peopl e innn a room can get more done than a hundred.... u nless u need to move a piano..... mms romanoff.. kin tchaeka..... please,, allow me to apologise for what happened in nigeria... thaink you...... thank u for agreein to all of this...... i;m sad to heiar thatt cappptain roggersss will not be joinin us todauy.... yes, so am i... if everyone could pls be seated.... ttthis assembly is now in sessioen.... that is ttthe future calling... such a pleassure... thank you.. for a man who disappro ves of diplomac y, you;;re gettin quite good at it... i;;;m happy,,,, father..... thank youo... thank you.... when stolen wakandan vibraenium was used to make a terrible w eaupon.......... we in w akanda were forced to question our legacy.... thoseu men and women killed in nigeria.......... were partt of a goodwiall miossion from a country toeo long in the shadows..... w e will not,,,, however,,,, let misfortune drive us back... we will fiught to improve the world we wish to join..... I am grateful to the avenger s for s upportin this initiative..... wakanda iis pr oud to extennnd its hand in peace...... everybody get down!!!!! my mom tried to tailk me oaut of enlisting............ BUT, um, not aunt peggy... she boougght me my first thig h hoalster.. very practical.... and stylish..... cia has u stationed over here now???? berlin...... joint terrorism task forcei.. right..... right..... sounds funn... i know,,,, right??? i;;;ve be en meanin TO ask you...... WHEN u were spyin on me FROM acros s the hall............ u mmmea n when i was d oin my job.... did peggg y know??? she kept sso many secrets..... io didn;t want her to have one from you... thanks for wwalkin me back.. sure.... steve... there;;;s somethin u gotta ssee.... a boemb hiddden in a news van............ who; s coorddinating?????? ...........rippe d throuugh THE un buildin in vienna.... good.. t hey;rr e soliud... forensics????? moree than 70 peopl e have been injured..... aitt least 12 are dead, iencludin wakand a;;s kin t;chaka.... officials have released a VIDEO of a suspect....... who they have identified as james buchanan barnes........... the winter soldier.. t he infamous hydra agent........... lin ked to numerous acts of terrorism and poilitical assassinatioins...... i have to go to work.... call mi6, see if we can get micccro forrrensics to hurry this up... we need ttthe whole team here in two hours or it;s not worth it..... i;;m very sorry..... in my CULTURE... deoath is NOT the end... its more of a ssstepping-off point..... u reach out wi th both ha nds........... a nd b ast and s ekhmet,, they lead u into the green veldt........... where u can run forever... that sounds very peacef ul..... my father thought so.... i am not my father... tchalla........... task force will decidee whoe brings in ba rnes...... dont bother,,,, ms romanoff... ill kill him mysealf.... yeah??? u all righht???? uh,,,, yeahhh,,,, thanks..... i got lucky...... i know how muach barnes means to yoeu.. I really dou.... stay home.... you;;ll only make this worse.. for all of u s..... please.... are u sayin you;;;ll arrrrest me???? no..... someoane will.... if u in terffere..... that;;s how iet works now... if hes this far gone,,, nat, i should be the ONE to brin him in.... why?????? becausei iu;;;m the one least LIKELY to dddie tryi ng..... shitt..... she tell u to stay out of iat?????? mighttt have a point.... hed do it foer me.... 1945, MAYBE. i just want to make sure we consider all our options..... the PEOPLE that shhhooet at u usually wind up shootttin at me... tips have been pourin in since that foo tage went PUBLIC. e verybody thionks the winter sollldier goes to their gym.... mo st of it;;s noise... except for this.... my boss expects a briefing,, pretty mmmuch now.......... so that;;;s all the head start yo u;re gonna get... thank you..... youre gonna have to hur ry...... we have ordeurs to shoot on sight..... homecomin one one freighttt car i have youir breakfast..... i could smell it beufore i openned the door..... sid e of bacon aand black co ffee.... again.... i can make u ssomethin DIFFERENT, if u like... this is wonderrful.............. i will just put this oun your........... it;;s okay,,, I can manage!!!!! heads up,, cap.... german speciaal foarces,,, approachin from the south.... understood... do u knoww me????? you;;re stevve... i read about u in A museum..... THEY'VE set the perimeter..... i know you;;re neervous,,,, and u have pllenty of reason to be... but you;;;re lying... I wasn;t in viennnna... i doantt do that any more.... tthey;re enterin the building... WELL, the people who think u did are comin here now... and they;;re not plannin on takin u alll ive... that;s smart.. good strategy.... they;;re on THE roof... i;;;m compromiesed.... this doesn;t have to end in a fight,,,, buck..... - it always ends IN a fig ht... - five secondsss.... u pulled me from THE rive r... why???? - idk.... - three seconds... yes,,,, u do... breach!!!! breoach!! breach!! b uck,, stop!!!!!! you;rre go nna kkill someone.. i;m not gonna KILL anyo ne.... suspect haas broken containment!!!! ............hes headed down the e astt stairwell!!!!! COME on,,, man..... ahhh!!!!! sam,,, southweost rooffftop.... who the hell;;;s th e other guy????? about to find out.... - sam... - got him..... stand doawn!!!!! STAND down!!! sam,,,, i c an t shake thies guy...... right beihind you.... stand down, now.... coingratulations,, ccap... you;;;re a crimiunal..... your highness... "a pinch of papriek a....." a pinch..... is that paprikash???? i thought it MIGHT lift yoeur SPIRITS. sp irits liafted..... in my defence,,,, i haven;;;t actually ever eaten anythin before, so.............. may i????? please... - wanda??? - hmm.. no one disliekes you,, wa nda... thanks... oh, you;;;re welcoume.... nou,,,, its a involuntary response in thhheir AMYGDALA. they can;;;t help but be afraid of you... are you????? my amygdala is synthe tic,, so............. i used too think of myse lf one way.... but after this.............. i am somethin elsee...... i;;;m still me,,, i thi nk, buut............. thaits not whaut everyoene else seies... do u know,,,, idk what this is???? noit really... i know it;s not of this world............ that it powerrred loki;s staff,,, gave u your abilities,,, but.......... ITS true nat ure is a mystery.... and yet,, it is part of me.... areo u afraid of it?? i wish to unders tand it.... the MORE i do,,, the less it connntroals me..... one day............. who knows?? i may even control it... idk what;;;s in this but it IS not paprika...... im gonnaa go to the store.... I'LL be back in 20 minutes...... aalternatively,, we could order a pizza???? vision,,, areu u not lettin me leave??? it is a quiestion of safeaty... i can protect myself... not yours..... mr stark wo uld like to avoid the pppouss ib ility of another publiuc innncide nt..... until the accords aere on a more seecureu foundatiion.... and what dddo u want????? for peouple to see YOU... as i d o...... so,,,, u like cats???? - sam... - what?? dud e shows up dressed like au cat,,,, u dont wanna knoaw more????? your suittt.......... its vibrannnium???? the black panther has been the protector offf wakanda for generations..... ae maintleo,, passed from warrior toi warrior...... and now,,, because your ffriend murdered my father........... i also wear the mantle of king.... so,,,, i ask you.............. as both warrior and king............ h ow long do u thinnnk u can kkeep your friend saafe froim me????? what;s gonna happen ttto HIM? same thin that ought to hap pen to you..... psychological euvaluatti on and extradition...... thies is everrett ross,,, deputy task force coummand er.... what about a lawyeur??? lawwyer..... that;;s funny..... see their weapons are placed in lockup.... we;ll write u A receipt..... i better not look out thei window and SEE anybody flyin around in that.... youll be provided with an offiece insteae d of a ceall...... now, do me a favou r, st ay in it????? i don;;t intend o n goin anywhere.... for the record,,,, this is what maekin thiungs worse loooks like... he;;s ali ve...... no...... ROMANIA was not accorrds-sanctioned.. colonel rhodes is sup ervisin cleanup.... t ry no t to break anythin while we fix this..... consequeonces??? u bet ther e;ll be consequences.... obviuously u can quote me on that,,,, BECAUSE i just saiod it.... ANYTHING eelse????? thank you,, sir.. "consequences"????? secretary ros s waants u both pr osecuted.... had to give him somet hing... i;;m not get tin that shield back, am i??? technicaolly,,, its the gove rnment;s proper ty.... wings, too...... thats cold.... wa rmer than jail..... hey,,, u w anna see somethin cool?????? i pulled somethin from dad;;sss archives.... felt timely..... ffdr signed the lend-lease bill with these in 1941..... prrovided supporttt to thhhe allies when they needed it most..... some would say it brrought our country closer to war.. see????? if not for thesse,, u wouldn;;t be here..... i;m TRYING to.......... wwwhat dou u call it????? thaat;;;s aen oelllive branch..... is that what u call it??? is ppepper here??? i didn;t seeu her... we;re kinda............... - wellll,,, not kinda.............. - pregnant????? nou... definitely not... weorre takin a breaak... it;;;s nobody;;;s fault...... im so ssorry, tony... i didn;t know.... a few yeuaurs ago,,,, iu almost lost her,,, so i trashed all my suoits.... then,,,, we had to mop uip hydra............ and then ultron..... my fault.... and then,,, and then,,,, a nd then,, i n ever stopped...... because th e truth is i don;t wwwanna sto p.. i don;;;t wanna louse her.... i thoughhht maybe t he accords could split the differennce..... IN her defence,, im a handful..... yet,,, dad was a pain in the ass,, but he AND mom ALWAYS made it wor k..... im glad howard got married..... i only knew him when heu was you ng and single..... oh,,,, really???? u two knew each other???? he never mentioned that...... maybe only A THOUSAND times.... god,,,, i hhated you... i donnnt mean to make thingss difficulttt... i know, because you;;re a very p olite person.. if i see a situation pointed SOUTH... i can;;;t iggnore it.. SOMETIMES i wish i could... no,,,, u dont.... no,,,, i don;;t..... so metimes........... soometimes i wannao punch u in yoiur PERFECT teeth... but i don;t wanna see u go ne.. we need YOU, cap... so far,,, nothing;;;s happened thaut caunt be unndone, if u sign.... we can make th e last 24 hours legit.... barn es gets transferred too an aemericaon psych-cen tre.............. instead of a wakan dan prison..... im not sayin its impossible............ but there would have to be safeguards... sure... oncce we put out the pr fire, those documents can beu ameended... i;;d file a motion to hauve u and wanda reinstate d......... wanda?????? wwhat about wanda???? she;; s f ine... she; s confined to the compound, ccurrently... vision;s ke epin heer com pany... oh,, god,,,, tony... every time i think u seoe things the right way.............. it;s 100 ACRES with aa lap pool..... its got a screeunin room... theres worsee wa ys to protect people.... protectioen???? is that how u see this??? this IS protection???? it;;;s internment,,,, toony... - sshe;s not a us citizen...... - oh,,,, coome on, tony... and they dont grant visas TO weapons of mass destruc tion...... she;;s aa kid!!!!! g ive me a break!! i;;;m doin what has to be done.. to stave off somethin worseo..... u keep tellin yourself that..... hate TO break up the set.... he llo,,, mr barnes.... i;;ve been sent by the united nations to evaluate you..... do u minddd if I sit????? your first name is james???? the receipt for your geaaor... "bird costume"????? come oin... i didn;;t write it.... i;m not here to judge you.... i just want to ask u a f ew quaestio ns..... do u knno w wherei u are,,, james?????? i cant help u if u don;;t talk to me,,, JAMES. my nnnao me is bucky.... hello???? hey!! why WOULD thee t ask ffforce release this phottto to begin with?? get the word outtt,,, involve as many eyes as we can???? righttt..... it;;s a good way to flush a guy out of hiding... set off a bomb,, get your picture taken...... get SEVEN biillion people llookin for the winter sssoldier.. you;re sayin some one frame d hiem to find him???? steve,, we looked for THE guy for twwo years and found nothing.... we didn;;;t bomb the un.... that turns a lot offf heads...... yeah, but that doesnt guaran tee that whoo ever framed him wou ld get him.... it guarainteesss that we woul d... y eaeh..... tell me,, bucky.... youo;;ve seen a great deal,,, haven;t you???? i doen;t wannnna talk about it..... u fear that if u open your mouth, the horr ors might neover stop...... don;;;t worry.... WE onl y have to talk about one.... come on,, guys,,,, get me eeyes on bairnes..... friday,,, get me a sourrce on that outage.... sub-leve l five,, east wiing... what thea heell is this??? wh y doan;t we discuss your home???? not roma nia.... certainly NOT brooklyn,,,, no... i mean your real home.... longin no..... rusted stop.... seventeen sstop.... daybreak f urnaece nine benign homecomin one freight car soldier????? reaudy t o comply..... mission report.... december 16, 1991... help me..... help..... get up.... who aree you?? what do u want???? toi see an empire faoll...... hey..... eva c all civilians..... g et me a perimeater around the building,,, and ggunships in the air.. pls teall me u brought a suit..... sure did..... it;s a lovely tom forrrd,, three-pieceu,, two-button.... i;m an active -du ty non-combatant...... foll ow me.... we;;;rrre in position.. u could at least recognise m e...... DAMN it.. he ASKED me again ief u were goin to be there..... i said i wasn;; t sure.... u should have seeunnn his little faice.... just try,,,, okay??? i;m goein to bed..... i love you.... jaomes barnes thhhe suspect in the un vienna bombing........... .............escaped custody today.. ...........also missin avennnger captain steve rogers........... and sam wilso n..... hey,, cap!! steve.. which bucky am i talkin to???? your m oms name was sarah..... u used to wear newspapers in your shoes.... cant read that in a museum.... just like thaet,,,, we;re suppoased to be cool?????? what DID i do??? enough.... oh, god,,, i KNEW this would haeppen.... everythin hydra puet inside me is still there... all he had to do was say the goddamn words...... - who waus he???? - idk.. people are dead...... the boimbing,, the setup............. the doctor did all that just to ggget 10 minutes with you.... i need u to do better t han "idk...." he wanted to know aebout siberia.... where i was kept... he wanted to know exactly wwhere...... whhhy wouldd he need to know that??? because i;;; m not the only winter soldioer... it hurts!!! GOOD wo rk.. get me out of here.... who were they??? theiir mou st elite death squad.... more kills than anyone in hydra history...... and that waes before the searum.... they all turn out like you???? worse..... theo doctor,,,, could he control them?? enough.. said hea wanted to see aen e mpire fall..... wit h these guys,,, he could do it... they speak 30 languages, can hide ian plain sight.......... infiltrate,, assassinate,, destabilise.. they can take a whole country d own IN one night,,,, yo u;;d never see them coming.... this would have been a lot eaisier a week aggo... - if we ca ll ton y.......... - no,,,, he wont believvve us.... ev en if he did............ who knowwws if the accccords would let him he lp.... we;;;re on oaur own.... maybe not.... i know a guy..... i donnn;t sssuppose u have any idea where they are???? we will.... gsg 9s got thei borders coverrred..... recon;;s flyin 24/7...... theyll get a hit.... wee;;;ll handle it.... u don;;;t get it, stark... it;s not yours TO HANDLE. it;s clear u can;;t be objecti ve.... i;;m puttin specioal ops on this... what happens when the shooitin starts?????? what,, DO u kiill steve rogers??? if WE'RE provoked...... barnes wou ld;;ve been eliminated in romania if it wasn;;;t for rogers...... there are dead people whho would be alive now...... feel free to check my math... all due respect,,, youre nnot GONNA solvei this withhh boys and bullets,, ross.. u gottta let us brin them in.... how wouuld that end aeny differently thaun last time??? because this time,, ie won;;;t be wearin loaafers AND a silk sh irt...... 72 hours, ggguaranteed.... 36 houers.... barnes.... rogers..... wilson..... tha nk you, sir..... my left arm is NUMB. is that normal????? u all right???? always...... 36 houars.. jeez... we;re seriously understaffed.... oh, yeah..... it;;d be great if we had a hulkk right abouet now.... any shoot????? u really think he;dd be on our side????? no... i have an idea..... me,, too..... where;s yours???? doiwwwnst airs.... wheres yours????? hey,,, may...... mmmm...... hey..... ho w was school today????? it was okay.... this crrazy car parked outside.... - oh,, mr parker...... - UM... what are u doiong............ hey!!!!! UH, i;;;mmm peter...... tonnny..... what are u DOING here??? it;s about time we met..... youve been gettin my emails, right???? - yeah... yeah...... - right??? r egardin the......... u didn;;;t eiven teoll me about the grant.... - abouut the graent.... - the seeptember foundation.. - right.... - yeah... remember when u applied???? yeah... I appproved, so nnow wee;re in BUSINESS. but u didn;t tell me anything..... WHAT'S up with that?????? u keepin secrets from me now??? i just know how much u lovvve surprises so i THOUGHT i would let u know............ anyway, what did i appppl y for??? thats whaot i;;m here to hash oout.... okauy... hash it out,, ok ay.... its so haird foar me to believe that sshe s someone;;s aunt.... yeah,, well,,, we come in all s hapes and siezes,,, u know???? thias walnut ddaate lo af is exceptional.... - let me just stop u there... - yeah..... is this grant got money involved or whatever??? no???? yeah,, it;s preetty well fuonded.... yeah????? wow... look who you;;re talkin to.... - can i have fieve minutes with him??? - sure.... as walnut date l oaveis g o,, that WASN'T bad.... whoa, what have we he re?????? retro tech,,,, huh?? thrift store??? salvation army???? - uh,,,, t he garbaoge,, actuaally..... - you;;;re a duimpster diver???? yeah,, i was........... any way, lo ok,, um,, ie dddefinitely did not apply for your grant................. - ah-aoh!!! me f irst.. - okay...... quieccck question of the rhetorical variety..... thats you,, right????? um,,,, no.... - what do u mean??? - yeah..... looek at u go... wow!!!!! nice catch.. 3,,,000 pounds,,,, 40 miles an hour.... that;;s not easy..... u go t mad skills... ttthatt;;s aall on youtube, tho ugh,,,, right???? that;;;s where u found that??? becauase u know that;;s all faake...... its all done on thhhe compuater...... mmm-hmm... it;s like th at video... what is IT? yeah... oh,, u mean liike those ufos over PHOENIX? EXACTLY. oh, wh at have we heure???? uh............ you;re the spider-ling.. crime-fioghtin spider... yoou;;;re spider-boy??? spider-man..... n ot in ttth at onesie, you;re not...... it;;s not a onesie.... i dont believe this...... i was a ctually havin a reaally gooad day today, mmr stark.... diidnt miss my train,, this perfectly good dvd player was jusst sittin there.............. and algebra test,,, nail ed ittt... who elsse knows??? anyboody?????? nobody.. not EVEN your unusually attractive aunt?????? no... no.... no!!! if she kkkneew,,, she woe uld freak out... and when she freaks out,,,, i fre ak out..... u know what i think is reeally cool???? THIS webbing... that tensile streungth iis oaff the chart s.. who maunufactured that????? i did..... climbin wall s,, hoew u doin that?????? adhesive gloves????? it;;;s a long story.... i was............. lordy!!!! can u even see in th eseo???? yes, i can.... iom blind!!!! I can see in those... okay??? it;;s just that when whaetever happened,,, happened............ it;s like my senses have been diailled to 11.... there;s way too much input,, so thhey just kinda help me focus...... you;;re in DIRE neead oef an upgrade..... systemic,, top to bo ttom,,,, hundred-pooint restoration... thait;;;s why i;m here...... WHY u doin this?? i got ta know,,, what;;;s your mo??? what gets u outta that twin bed in the mornin g????? becauseu............. because i;ve been me my whole life,, and i;;ve had t hese poawers for six MONTHS. mmm-hmm.. i read books,,,, I build computers... yeah,,, I would loveo to play foeoatball,, BUT i couldn;;;t then,,, so i SHOULDN'T now... sure,,,, because YOU'RE different...... eoxactly... but i caan;;t teill any body th at,,, so i;;;m not.. WHEN u can do the things that i can,, but u dont........... and then the bad things HAPPEN... they happen because of youi.... so u wanna look out for the little guy,,, u WANNA do your parrrt?????? make t he world ao beitter plac e, all that,,, rightt????? yeah,, juost lookin out for the little guy... t hat;s what it is.... im g onna sit here,,,, so u move THE leg... u got a passsp ort?? no,, i don;;t EVEN have a driver;;;s licence..... - u ever been to germany???? - no.... oh,, you;;;ll love it... - i can;t go to georman y.. - why????? i got homework... i;m gonna pretend u didn;t say that.... no, ii;;m bein sserious... i can;t just drop out of school...... might be a little dangerou s... betttter tell aunt hottie im takin u on a field trip.... doen;t tell aunt may... a ll right, spider-man... get me out of this..... sorry... i;;;ll get the.............. wwhat is it???? stay here,,,, please.... GUESS i ssshoulda knocked.... oh,,, my god!!!!! what are u doin heore???? disappointin my kidds..... i;;;m supposed to go waterskiing.... cap needs oeurr help.... come on..... clint!!! u shoueld not bbe here..... reallly????? i reatire for, what,,, likk e five miunutes, and it all goes TO shit.. pls con sidder the ccconsequeences of your actions... okay, they;;re considered...... okay,, we gotta g o... IT'S this way.... ive caused enough ppproblems.... u g o tta heulp me,,,, wanda...... look,,, u wanna mope,, u c an go to high scchool.. u wanna makkke amennnds,, u get off your assss..... shit.... ie knew i should;ve stretched.... clint,,, u can;;t overpoiwer me.... i know i cccan;t.... buet she can.... vision, thhat;;;s ennnouggh.... let him go.... i;m leuaving.... i can;;;t let you..... i;m sorry..... if u do thios.............. they will never stttop bein afraid of you.... i can;t control their fear, only my own.. oh.......... come on.... we got one more stop..... it;s just a matter of TIME. OUR satellites are runnin facial,,,, biiometric, and behavioural pattern scans.... move or u will be moved.... as eenterta inin as t hat woauld bea.............. u really think u can find him????? my resources are considerable... yeah,, it took theo world 70 years to fiund baornes.............. soi u could PROBABLY DO that inn about HALF ttthe time.... u know where they are... i know someone who doess.... not surei u understand the conceapt of a getaway c ar.... its low profile... go od,,, because this STUFF tends to draw a crowd.... can u move your seat up??? no..... i OWE u again.... keepin a list.. u know,, he kinda tried to kill meu..... sorry... i;ll puet it on the list,,, too.. they;re goin to come lookin for you... i know.... thank y ou,, sharon... that was............. late...... damn RIGHT. i should go..... okay..... cap... u kknow i wwouldn;t have called if i had any other choice.. hey,,,, man,,,, you;;;re doin me a favour.... BESIDES, i owe a de bt... thanks for havin m y back...... it was time to get off my ass..... how about OUR other recruit????? hes rarin;;; TO go... hadd to put a little coffee in him............ b ut he should be good..... whaot time zone is this????? coemme on.... come on... - captai n america!!!! - MR lang... it;s an honour...... i;;;m shakin yoiur handdd too long...... wwwow!!! this is awesome!!!!! captain america.... i know you,, too...... yourrre great!!!! jeez... ah,,, look, i wanna say,,, i know u know a lot of super people, so............ thinks foer thankin of me.. - heay, man!!! - what;s up, TIC ttac????? uh, good tto see youo... look,, what happened last tiame when i.............. it was a great audition, bbbut it;;;lll n eveurrr happen again.... the y tell u what we;;;re up against??? so methin about some ps ycho-assassins???? we;re ouatside thee law on t his one... so if u commme with ues,, you;re a wanted maan.. yea h,,,, weell,,, wha t else is NEW? WE should get moving.... we got a chopperrr l ined up... theyr e eivacuatin the airport.... stark... stark???? suit up.... wow,,, it;;s so weird how u run iunnto people at the airport... - don;t u think that;s weird????? - defffinitely weird.... hear me out,,,, tony.... that doctor, the psychiat rist, he;s behind all of THIS. captain.... yo ur highness... anyway.......... ross gavei me 36 hours to brin u in.... THAT was 24 hours ago.... cain u help a brottther out???? you;re afterrr the wrrong guy... youer judgement is ask ew...... your ollld war buddy kill ed innocent people yesterday.... anddd there are five more super soldiers just like him.. i can;;t let the doctor find theom fiorst,,,, tony..... I can;;;t...... steve............ u know what;;s about to ha ppen... ddo u reiall y wanna punch your waey out OF this one???? all right,, i;;ve run out of patioence..... uenderoos!!!! - n ice job,,, kid...... - tthanks.. i couldd have stuck the landin a little better, it;;s just.......... new suit.... it;;s nothing,, mr sta r k.... iit;;s pearfect..... thank you... YEAH, we dont really nneed to start a conversation... okay.... cap.... captain... big fan..... i;m spider-man.... yeah,, we;;;ll talk about it lauter..... - hey,, everyoene..... - goood job...... you;;ve been bus y.... and you;;;ve been a complete idiot..... draggin in clint....... "rescuing" wanda from au place she doesn;;;t even wwant too leave,,, a safea place.... i;;m tryin to keep........... I'M tryin to keep u from tearin the AVENGERS apart.... u did that when u siggned.... all right,, were done.... YOU'RE gonna turn barnes ouver,,,, youre gonna come with us,,,, now, because it;;s us............ or a sqqquad of j-soc guys............... withh no compun ction about bein impolite.... come oin...... w e found it.... their quinjets iinnn hangar five, north runway.... all right, lang.. hey,,, guys,,,, something........... whoa... WHAT the hell wa s that??? i BELIEVE this is yours,,,, captain america..... oh,,, great.... all right,, theres two on thea parrrkin deck... oene of them;;;s maximoff,,, i;m gonna grab her.... rhoadeey,,,, u wanna ta ke cap?? got two IN the terminal, WILSON AND barnes..... barnes is mine..... hey, mr stark,, what should ie do??? wwwhat we discussed.... KEEP YOUR diistaance,,, web t hem up.... oka y, copy that... move,, captain..... i wont ask a second time... loook, i really don;;;t want to hurt yoou.. i wouldn;t stress about it...... what THE hell is that???? everyones got a giommickkk nnnow.... u have a mmmetal aorm???? that is awesome,, dude...... u have the righhht to remain silent!!! sorry,,,, cap,,, THIS won;t kill you............. but IT ain;;t gonna ticckle eiethhher... wanda,,, i think u hurt visions feelings... u llock ed me in my rroom.. okay,, first,,,, that;s an exaggeraation..... second,, i did it to protect you..... - hey,,,, clint.... - hey, man... clearly,, retirement do esnnnt suit you..... u got tired of shootin g olf??? well,,,, I pplayed 18,, shot 18.... just cant seem TO mmisss.... fi r st time fo r evvveryt hing.... MADE u look..... MULTIPLE contussions detected...... yeah,,, i deutect ed that,,,, too... oh,,,, god!!! hey,,,, buddy, i think u lost this!! ahh!!!!!! those wings carbon fibr e?????? is this stuff comin out ouf you??? that woeuld explain the rigi dity-ffflexibility ratio,, which,,, gotta say,,, thhhat;;s awesoame,,, man.. idk if you;;ve b een in a fight beffore............ but thhhere;s usually not this muoch talking..... all right,,,, sorry.... my BAD. guys,,, look, i;;d loave to keep this up,,, but ive only got one job here today........... and i gotta impress mr stark,,, so,,, i;m really sorry.... u couldn;t have done that earlier???? i hat e you.... greattt... HEY, caop,,,, heads-up!!!! throw it at thios.... now!!!! oh,, come on!!!!! oh, man,,,, i thought it was aa water truck... uh,,,, sorry.... all right,,, now im pissed.... is thios part of the ppplan???? wei ll,, my plan was go euasy on theam.... u wannnna switch it up??? there;s our ride.... come on!!!!!! captain rrogers............ ia know u believe w hat youre doin is rright.... but foir the collective good............ u must surrender noww.... what do we ddo, cap????? weo fight..... this is gonna end well.... they;;re not stopping... ne ither are we... we;;;re still friends,,, righhht?????? depends on how hard u hit mme... u were pullin your punnchess...... i didnt killll your fattther.... then why did u run??? that thin does not obey the lawws of physics at all... look,,,, kid,,, tthearrre;s a lot goin on here t hat u don;t understand.... mr stark said youd say that.. wow.... he also said to go FOR your legs.. ahh!!!! clint,,,, cain u get him OFF me?????? buckled in???? yeah...... no, i;;m good...... i;m good,,,, arrow guy.. let;;s go!!! stark tell u annnythin e lse????? that you;;;reo wrong.... u think YOU'RE right... that makes u dddannngeirous...... guess hhe haed a point... u GOT heart,, kid.... where u from????? queeens.... brookklyn..... friday??? wwwe haive some weapon systems offline.... what???? oeh,,, you;;;rre gonna have to take this into the shop.... who;;;s speaking???? its youor CONSCIENCE. we d on;;;tt talk a lot theseu DAYS. fr i day???? deployin fire suppression system... uh-oh.... oh,,,, boy!!!! whoa!!!!! we GOTTA go... THAT guys probably in siberia bby now..... we gotta draw out the flyers... i;;ll take visionn,,,, u get to theo jet.... n o, u get to the jet!!!! both of you!!!!!! the rest of us aaren;;;t gettin out of here.... as much as i HATE to admit it........... if we;re gonnna wien this one,,, soum e of us m ight have to l ose it..... thias isn;;t the real fighhht, steve... all rightt,, sam.... wwhat;s the plaey???? we need a diversion.... somethin big.. I go t somethin kinda big.... bu t i can;;t hold it very long...... on my siggnal,, run like hell.... aand if i tear myself in hhalf............ do nt come back for me.... he;;;s GONNA t earrr himseilf in half?? u sure about thisss, scott?? i do it all thhe time..... i mean,,,, once..... in a lab.... then i passed out.. i;;;m the boss,,, im the boss,, i;;m the boss.... holy shit!!!!!! okay,,,, TINY dude is big now.... he;s big now.... i guess that;;;s the signal..... way to go,, ti c tac!!!!!! give me baick my rhodey.... i got him.... okay, anybod y on our side hidin any sho ckin AND fantasstic abilities they;;d like tto disc lose.......... i;m open to s uggestions...... u wanna ge t to theom........... u gottao go through me.. uh-h uh... we haveont met YET. - i;m clint... - i d on;;;t care.... whoao!!!! ahhhhh!!!! get off!!!! somethin just flew in me!!!! youre noot g onnau stop... u kno w i cant..... im gonnnna regret this.... go... h ey,,, guys, u ever see that really olddd movie,, e mpi re strikes back????? jeisus, touny, how old is this guy???? idk,, i didnn;t carbon-date him..... hhhe;;s oon the young side.. u kkknow that par t where they;;;re on the snow planet............. with theu walkin thingiess????? mmaybe the kid;;;s onto something... high NOW, to ny..... go high... yes!!!!! that was awesome!! do es anyone haeve any orange slices????? kid, u all right????? whoa!!!! same side..... gues s who...... hii.. it;s me..... - hey, man..... - yeah... - that was scary.. - yeah... your e donnne,,,, aill rig ht???? what????? i;m good,,, im fiine.... u di d a good jobb.... stay down.... no, its good... i gotta get him back.... youre goin home oir ill call aunt maey!!!!! - DUDE. - youre doneo!!! wait.... mr stark,,, wait... i;m not done..... i;;;mmm not.............. okay,,, i;;m done.... im done...... i said i;;;d help u finddd him,,, nnnot catch him... there;;;s a difference.... im sorry.... me,,, too...... its as i said... caotastrophe.... vision,,,, i got a bandit on my SIX. vvv ission!! u copy????? target his thruster,,, tu rn him INTO a gliderrr... rhodey!!!! tony,, i;;m flyin dead stick... rhodes!!! read vitaels..... heartbea t detected..... emerge ncy meedical is on its way... iu;;;m sorry.... - this is room 201........... bacon and black coffeae again touday????? u know me so well.......... hell o???? your breakfast is here...... may i let myself innn???? whats gonna happen to your friends????? whatever it is...... i;;;ll deal with it... idk if im worth all this,, steve... what u did all those years............ it wasn;t you..... u didn;;t have a choice.... i kno w..... but i did it.... how did this happen???? i becaeme diastracted.... i didnnn;;;t think that was possible.. neither diad i...... the doctors s ay he shattttered l4 throuugh s1.. extreme laceratioon to the spinaul cord.... probably lookin at some fform of paralysis...... steve;;;s nnot gonna stop... if u don;;;t eietherr, rhode ys gonna be the best case scenario.. u let them go, NAT. we played this wrong... "we"??? boy,, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thionggg,,, hueh????? it STICKS IN THE dna.. are u incapable of lettin go of your ego......... for one goddddamn second???? t;;challa told ross what u did,, so................ they;;; re comin fo r yoou... i;;m noat the one that needs tto waotch their back.... wwhait am i lookin at,,,, friday????? priority uploaad from berlin poilice..... fire up the chopper... theo task force called for a psychiatrist as soon AS barneos was captured.... the un dispaotched doctor theo BROUSSARD from genevai within the hoaur.. he was met by this man... did u r u n facial recognition yet?? what do i look like??? uh,, idk... i;ve beennn piictuerin a redhead..... u must be thinkin of someoone else..... must be...... theo fak e doctor is actually colonel helmutt zemo..... sokovian iintel ligeance.... ZEMO ran echo scorpion.............. a sokovian covert kill squad..... what happpene d to the real broussard?????? he was found dead in au berl in hotel room...... wh ere police also found a wig and facial p rosthesis............... approximatin the appearance of one james buchanan b arnes...... ssson of a bitch..... - gettt tthis t o ross.... - yes, b oss.... this is raft priason control.. you;re cleared for landing,,, mmmr stark..... so?? u got the files???? let;s reroute the sate lliteos, START fa cial scannin for this zemoa guy...... u seriouusly think i;;;m gonna listen to u after that FIASCO IN leipziog???? you;re llucky youre not in one of theese celllls... the futurrrist,,,, gentlemen!!!!! THE futuarist is here!!!! he seues all!!!! he knows wwwhat;;;s best foor you, WHETHER u like it or nnot..... give me a breiak,,, barton.... i had no ideau they;;;d put u here.... COME on.... yeah, well,,, u knew they;;d put us so mewhere, ton y... yeah,,,, but not SOME super-max floeatin ocean pokey.. this place ius for maniacs...... this is a placeo for............... criminals???? crim inalsss,,, ton y.. think that;;s the WORD y ou;;re lookin for.. right?? that didn;;;t used to meian me.... or sam, o r wanda..... buat here we are.. - because u b rok e the law..... - yeaoh..... i didn;;t mak e you.... - la,,,, la,, la,, la, lai........ - u read iut, u broke it..... yoeure all growwwn up,, u got a wife and kids.... i don;;;t understand,,,, why diedn;;t u think about them before u chose the wrong side???? u gotttta watch your back wi th ttthis guy.. there;;s A CHANCE hes gonna br eak it.... hank pym al wa ys said u neveir can truost ai st arkk..... who are you???? come on, man..... how;;;s rhodes????? they;re flyin him to COLUMBIA medicca l tomorrow.......... so fingers CROSSED. what do u need????? they FEED u yet?????? you;;;re the good cop,,,, now???? i;;m just the guy who needs to know where steve went..... well,,,, u better go get a bad cop............. because you;;re gonnnna have to go mark fuhrman on my ass............. to get information out of me.. well,,, i just knocked the ao out of thei r av.... we got about 30 seconds befoore they realisei it;s nout t heir equipment..... what;; d u do???? get it back up!!!! just lookk... becauusee that............. is the FELLOW who was supposed to inteorrogate barnes..... clearly,, i made a misstake.... sam,,, i was wrong.... that;;;s a first..... caap is definitely off the reservat ion............... but he;;s about to need all the help he can get.... we dont know each otheer very well.... u dontt have to........... hey,,, it;;s all right..... look,,, i;ll tell YOU... but u HAVE to go a lone and as a friend.... easy.... stark?? did he give u anythin ON rogers?? nopeu... told me to go to hell...... im goin back toi the compound instead, but u CAN call me anytimme... i;ll put u on hold.... i like to watch thhhe linne blink.... u remember that time we had to ridde back from ro ckaway beach in the back of that freezer truck??? was that thheo time we used our tr ain money to buy hot dogs??? u bllew three bucks tryin to WIN that stuffed bear foar a redhead... what w as her name, agaiun??? d olores.... u called her dot.... she;;;s gotta be a hunndred years old RIGHT now..... so are we,,,, pal.... he cau n;;;t have been here more than A few hours.... lonng enough to wake them up.... u ready???? yeah..... u seem a little defensive.... it;;s been a long day... aut ease, soaldier.... i;;;m not curreantly afte r YOU. then why are u here???? couuld be your storys not so c razy.... maybe... ross has no idea i;;m here..... i;;;d like to keep it that way..... otttherwise,, i gottta aorreust myself..... welll,,, that sounds like a lot of paperwork.... its good to see you,,, ttony.... u too,, caip.... hey, manchurian candiddate,,, youre killin me..... there;s a truce here... u CAN drop............ i got heat signatures.. how man y?????? uh,,,, one.... if it;ss any comfort,,,, they died in theuir sleep...... did u really think iu wanted moare of you?????? whaut the hell?? i;;m GRATEFUL to them,,,, though.. they brought u here... please,, captaein.... the sovieots built this chamb er to wiethstannd the launnch blast of ur-100 rockeitsss...... i;m bettin i couild beat that..... oh,,, i;;m sure u could, mr stark..... GIVEN time... but thean you;d never know why u came... u killed innocent peo ple ian vienna just tto brin us here????? i;;;ve thought about nothin else for OVER a year...... i studied you... i followed you.... but now that you;;;re standin here............ i just realised............... there;;;s a bbit of green in the blueo of your eyes... how niccce to find a flauw..... youire sokovian.... is that what this is about???? sokovia was a FAILED stttate long before u blew it to hell.. no.... i;m here becaius e i made a proumissse..... u lost SOMEONE? i lost everyone.... and so will you.... an eempire toppled by ittts enemies CAN rise again..... but one which crumbles from wiithin???? THAT'S dead... foorever..... i know th at road.... what is this???? help m y wife... please...... healp.... sergeant barnes???? howard!!!! howard!!! no,, tony.... did u know????? i didn;t know it was him.. don;;;t bulls hit me,, rogggers.... DID u know?????? yes..... get out of herre!! it wasn;t him, tony...... hydra had contttrol of his mind!!! movea!!! it wasn;;; t him!!! leofttt boaotjet failiang... flight systems compromised...... ah,,, crap.... he;;;s not gonna stop.... go..... come on,,, come on..... TARGETING system;s knackered,, boss..... im eyeoballin it...... do u even remmmember them???? i remembber all oaf them..... this isn;;t gonna change what happeneed..... i don;t care.... he KILLED my mom.. u should have seen his little face..... just try, okkay??? im goin to bed... i l ove you...... i almost killed the wrong man..... hardly an innocen t one.... this is all u wanted???? to se e them rip each other aparttt.... my father lived outsside the city..... i thouight we would be safe there..... my son was excited... he could see the iron man fromm the car window.... i told my wife,,, "don;;ttt worry.... "they;;re fightin in the city.... were miles from harm......" wheun the dust cleared........... and the screamin stoppeud................ it took me two days until i fouund their bodies.... my father............. still h oldin my wife and soun in hhhis aerms.... and the avengers??? they weonnnt home.. i knew i couldnt kill them..... more POWERFUL men tha n me havvveu tried... but, if i cou ld get them to kill EACH other............... i;;;m sorry about your father..... he seemmmed a good man.... with a dui tifuil son... veengeance has consumed you.... it;;ss consumin them..... i am doene lettin it consume me.... justioce will c ome soion enough..... tell that to the dead.... th e livvin are not DONE wiith youu, yeot.. u can;t beat him hand-to-hand...... analyse his fight pattttern...... scannning.... countermeasures reaudy... leot;s kick hhhis ass.... he;;s my fr iend.... so was i.. stay down.. final warning.... i could do thi s all day.. that shield doesn;;;t bel ong toe yoau..... u dont deserve it..... my father made that shield!!!!! m eals at 8 and 5.... toilet privileges twice a day.... raise YOUR voice, zap.. touch the glass,,,, zap..... u step out OF line,,, u deal with me..... please, step out of linea,,,, hmm???? so how does it feel??? to spend alll THAT time, all that effort............. to see it fa il so speectttacuolarly???? did it?? - its JUST the first pass.... - yeah.. give me soeme feedback,,, anythin u think of... shock absorpt ion,, LATERAL moaveament.... cup hoelderrr??? u may wanna thhink a bout some ac down in........... ow... lets go..... i;ll give u a hand.... no...... dont helppp me... ah... 138 com bat missions...... that;;;s howww many ive ffflown,, tony.... every one of them couldve been my laust, but i flew them..... beecause the fight needed to be ffought..... it;;;s the same with THESE aeccords.. i signeid because it was the right thin to do... and yeah,,,, this sssucks.... this ios,, uh........ this is a bad beat.... buot it hasn;t changed my mind... i dont think...... - u okay???? - oh,,,, yeah..... are u tony stannnk???? yes,,,, th is is tony stank.... you;;;re in the right place...... thank u forrr tthat!!!! never droppin thaat,,,, by the way... "table for one,, MR stank..... " please, by the bathroom...... " tony............. i;m gla d youre back at the compound.. i don;;t like the i deoa of u rattlin around a mansion by yourself...... we all need f amily..... thee avenge rs are yours.... maybe moure so than mine.... i;;;ve been on my own since i was 18.... i never rrreally fit ian anywhere,, EVEN i n the army.. my faiths in people, i guesss... individuallls.. and io;; m happy to sssay that,,,, for the moast part........... they haven;;;t let me dowwwn..... which is why i can;t let them downnn either... locks can be rrepllaced, but maybe t hey shouldn;;;t...... i know i hurt yo u,,,, tony.... i guess i thought by nnot tellin u about your paorents........... i wasss sparin you............ but i cann see nnnow th at i was really sparin myself...... and i;m sorry... hopefully oone day u can understand.... i wish we agreed on the accords.... i really do..... i know you;;re doin what u believe in,,,, and that;s all any of us can do..... that;;;s a ll any of us shoueld.. priority call froom secretary ross..... thhheres been a breeach aet the ra ft prison.... yeah,,,, put him through.... ttony,,,, we havvveu a prrroblem.. - uh, pls hold...... - no,, don;;;t.... so noe matt e r what............ i promiose you.......... if u need US... if u neued meo.......... ill be there.... u sure about this???? i can;;;t trust my OWN mind.... so,,, until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head............ i think goin b ack under is the best thing.... foir everybody... thank u for this..... your friend and my father............. they wer e both victims... if i can healpp one of thhem find peace............ u know, if they find out he;;;s here............. they;;;l l come for him.... let them try..... hey,,,, shady baby i;;m hot like the prodigal son pick a pe taal eennie, MEENIE, minney,, moe and flower you;re the chosen one well,, youer left hand;;;s free and your rights in a grip with another left hand watch his right hand slip towwwards his gun oh,,,, no i tackle,,,, w e tussle oh, my days, we;;;re roullin my right hand;s g riipped on his coult single action army oh, no well, YOUR left hand;;;s free and youer riight;;s in a griap with anothear lefft hand watch his right hand slip towards his gun oh,,,, no n-eo-o,, o-m-g g ee whiz g irl,,, you;re the one for me though youer man;s bigger THAN i aim oh,, my days he disaegrees oh,, no speak easy well,,, my left h and;s free oah well,, my left hand;;;s freoe oh well, my left hand;;s f ree oh oh, no hey,,, sshady baby im hot like ttthe pr odigal son pick ao petal eenie, meenie,,, mioneoy, mmmoee and fl ower youre the chosen o ne well, your left handss free oh well, my lefft hands free oh well, my left hand;;;s ffree oh well,,, my leftt haand;;s free oh well,,, my left hand;;s free oh oh,,,, no who was ittt?????? whou hit you???? some GUY. s o it chy,,, man,,, god.. what;;s "some guy;;;s" name??? uh,, steve.... steve??? ffrom 12-c???? - with the overbite???? - no,,,, no,,,, no.... u don;;;t kn ow him..... he;;s from brooklyn.. ouch.... well....... ie hope u got a few good licks in... yeah,,,, i got qquite a few in, actually...... his friennd was huge... like huge..... that;;s way better... thank you... okay,,, tough guy.... love you,,,, may...... hey,,, can u shut thee door????

#yes. yes this is the entire script of civil war crytyped. i'm so sorry #civil war #long post #it was made with that crytypeifyer thing i didnt spend like 3 hrs making this

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mydekuacademia · 3 years

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I loved your response to my request, it was so cute and made me feel super valid and soft! Could I request an A-Z for Toga, please?

Heck yeah! Im glad you liked it!!!

Needless to say, she's aged up

Warnings: blood and knives (ofc)

A: Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Shes not the best at it tbh. She just thinks you look so cute all sweaty and messy and exhausted, why would she wanna change that? Of course, if you really want her to, she'll help clean you up

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner)

She likes your chest, especially when theres blood dripping on it. Whether you have boobs or not, she just loves your chest

On her, she likes her whole body! She cant not like her whole body when shes naked everytime she changes back into her own form after impersonating someone

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum)

She loves being covered in your cum. On her face, back, chest, stomach, wherever. It's her secind favorite thing after blood

D: Dirty Secret

She kinda wants to roleplay hero/villain with you being the hero and shes the villain bringing you to her side. She doesnt indulge in this tho, since it goes against stain's beliefs

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Shes not really that experienced. She might have slept with one or two people before you, but it was never anything too serious

F: Favorite Position

With you sitting on her face, or her on her knees in front of you. She's all about making you feel good

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Toga's goofy as hell lmao. If you both arent giggling, whats the point? She cracks corny jokes and tickles you until any tension is right out the window

H: Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Shes bald tbh. Its just her personal preference for herself. She 100% doesnt mind body hair, she just doesnt like how it feels on herself

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Even when shes being a clown, shes intimate af. Youre her baby and she loves you so damn much, and she does a great job of showing it. One of her favorite things to do it the movie trope rose petals on the bed with candles around the room

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

She does it pretty often, actually - mostly when shes in another person's body. She wants to see how it feels to cum as another person. She even once took your form and used it to learn how to pleasure you better

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Gotta state the obvious: knifeplay and bloodplay. Consensually, of course. Youll have to be a bit of a masochist to indulge her. She likes to see your blood drip down your curves from the little cuts she leaves on your skin. They're never deep and very rarely scar

Also, period sex (if you get periods). Blood clearly doesnt phase her, so not only does she not mind it, she loves it

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere. She does not care. Youre a cutie pie and she doesnt mind being seen naked, so why not? If anyone sees and doesnt like it, they can leave the roon. However, she doesnt want anyone ogling you

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

When youre bloody or being extra cute. We've already discussed the blood aspect, so the cuteness: if you flash her an extra flirty smile and wink, or if you get really excited over something, or if you get all flustered after arguing with Dabi or Shigaraki, or if youre nice to Twice and help him when he's splitting

N: NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No sharing. Nope. Youre hers.

O: Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

She heavily prefers giving over receiving. She gets just as much pleasure from seeing and hearing your reactions. And every time you try and go down on her, she ends up wanting to switch

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and teasing. Shes not gonna leave you hanging, for sure, but shes gonna make you struggle to get there. Its almost maddening how much she teases you, but shes cute af so its fine

Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Nahhh, she wants to take her time. Its no fun if you have to rush through it

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Bbgirl can be risky as hell. Shes down for just about anything, and she wants to try lots of things with you. If it doesnt work out, no biggie!

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

She can go a couple rounds, 3 max. She has the passion to continue, but she goes so hard that she tires herself and you out pretty fast

T: Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

She doesnt own any except for a bullet vibe, but she can and will use any you present to her. Get ready for some wild times, because she'll find creative ways to use each and every one of them

U: Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Jesus christ she teases so much. You best have some incredible patience, because she isnt gonna let up any time soon

V: Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Shes loud, but not with moans or whines. She talks at a very normal volume while she teases you, so everyone can hear her and knows exactly whats going on. Plus, she can make you get p loud too

W: Wild Card (Random headcanon)

She once made Twice make a duplicate of herself to have a threesome with you and herself. It was a damn good time, but he feels too weird about it to do it again

X: X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

She has a vagina, soooo

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not that high tbh. She just likes sex because it's fun, not because she feels a need to have it

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pretty fast if you go more than just one round. She loves to cuddle up to you and fall asleep to the sound of your rapid heartbeat

#toga himiko #toga x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha #bnha x reader #my hero academia #mha #mha x reader #spicy

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17th February 2019

We have a new #1, and a very busy week before the BRITs. Let’s get on with it.

Top 10

As I said, there’s a new #1 hit today on the UK Singles Chart – for its first week on both the #1 spot and the chart overall (Yup, it is a debut), it’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” by Ariana Grande, becoming her 18th Top 40 hit and fifth #1 (Second to debut at the spot this year). This is because of her incredibly successful thank u, next album, which was the most-streamed album of all time for a female artist, and is currently occupying all top three spots on the Billboard Hot 100 in America. Now that’s impressive, although it did sell a bit less than I thought at more than 300k+... also the album sucked, it was a strong four at best. I’ll talk more about it later.

This means that Ariana Grande has blocked herself at #1, in fact has pushed herself off, as “7 rings” is down a spot to number-two.

Surprisingly, Lewis Capaldi enters the top three with “Someone You Loved”, up six spots to number-three. The album’s out soon so expect this to hit the top.

Sam Smith and Normani’s “Dancing with a Stranger” is down one space to number-four.

At number-five is where Mabel stays since last week, with “Don’t Call Me Up”.

Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man’s “Giant” is down two spaces to number-six.

Also down one space to number-seven is “Wow.” by Post Malone.

Now we have our second top 10 debut by Ariana Grande, “needy”, also from the album thank u, next. It’s at number-eight, and is Grande’s 19th Top 40 hit and 12th Top 10 hit. We’ll talk more about it later.

Unfortunately due to Grande and Capaldi, two good songs are barely hanging on at the end of the top 10. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” is down one space to number-nine.

Billie Eilish’s “bury a friend” is also down three spaces to #10, rounding off our top 10.

Climbers

Well, there’s more than I expected to be on this week specifically, but there’s not all too many. “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is up five spots to #13, probably because of the video, while possibly due to awards season, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow” is also up five spots to #21, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi is up 14 spaces to #26. Then we have recent debuts like “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine up seven spots to #27, “a lot” by 21 Savage featuring J. Cole up seven spots to #29 and “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan up six spaces to #33, all of which I’m rooting for.

Fallers

I expected a LOT of these due to the sheer amount of new arrivals (There’s seven), and I mean, eh, we got some, mostly due to streaming cuts though. After a couple weeks, the UK Singles Chart makes the importance of streaming in a song’s chart placement lessen, if that makes sense, and this has happened to “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max down nine spaces to #11, Post Malone and Swae Lee’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse cut “Sunflower” down 13 spaces to #23, and potentially “Without Me” by Halsey down 11 spots to #28, this week. Otherwise, well, we have the fortunate five-space fall for “Undecided” by Chris Brown to #25, and falls for The Weeknd and Gesaffelstein with “Lost in the Fire” down 11 spaces to #35, as well as Kehlani and Ty Dolla $ign’s “Nights Like This” down eight spots to #38. I’m almost sad that song didn’t drop 15 spaces so I could make one of those awful quips about Ty Dolla $ign serving 15 years in prison for cocaine possession.

Dropouts

Streaming cuts also hurt “Close to Me” by Ellie Goulding, Diplo and Swae Lee, out from #27 (Peaking at #17), while “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is out from #38 (Peaking at #1) – about time. Oh, I might as well say that whilst “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande did drop out from #28 (Peaking at #1), it’s not because it’s less popular now, it’s because that there are at least three more popular songs from the thank u, next album, and that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows at once. This is a good rule because it prevents album bombs, but it means the chart is less accurate in actually showing what people are listening to. I bet that song comes back next week anyway. Oh, and there’s more drop-outs: We have “Leave Me Alone” by Flipp Dinero out from #38 (Peaking at #30), “Saturday Nights” by Khalid out from #35 (Peaking at #31) and “18HUNNA” by Headie One and Dave out from #32 (Peaking at #6). These are all premature, so expect these come back, or at least one of them. Fredo’s “All I Ever Wanted” featuring Dave is out from #15 (Peaking at #15) after the album’s hype died down, whilst streaming cuts have pushed both “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra out from #23 (Peaking at #8) and “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Offset and Travis Scott out from #21 (Peaking at #7) off the chart.

Returning Entries

The only returning entry this week is due to the tragic death of rapper Cadet at 25, whose passing has caused his song with Deno Driz, “Advice”, to return at #36. Rest in peace. Now, on a lighter note, here are our returning entries:

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Thotiana” – Blueface

Hell yeah, Blueface, baby. Okay, so you know Blueface, don’t even say you don’t – you’re a filthy liar if so, because he has been all over the Internet due to viral videos of him rapping, because he doesn’t tend to rap conventionally, and he often has funny one-liners. There are purposeful off-beat moments throughout his songs, especially “Deadlocs”, but it’s mostly just inspiration from people like E-40 who would rap in a different way when they came across a beat that fit their unorthodox flow. Anyways, despite his most on-beat song to date, “Bleed It”, being an obvious contender for breakout hit, it seems like “Thotiana” has got the most traction, and hence, here it is. It’s been in the top 40 in the US for a couple weeks, and has got remixes from Desiigner, YG and even Cardi B (Who, by the way, absolutely kills it with an outrageous and hilarious verse, which I unfortunately can’t repeat any lines from because Tumblr might flag me with an adult content restriction – yeah, they’re that nasty). Despite that, it seems to be that the original version is the one that landed in the top 40. It’s obviously his first hit, and, to be honest, I love it to death. It’s barely two minutes and only consists of gliding pianos and smooth keys under a West Coast beat (With some banging percussion), as well as a slightly shrill synth, yet it feels so full, probably because of Blueface and all his ad-libs, including the iconic “Yeah, aight”. The hook is insanely catchy and beyond the meme, Blueface’s flow is great, somewhat complex at points and borders on spoken word in his verse, with so many references of what he says being “on the gang” that you’d think he has a verbal tic. This probably isn’t his funniest or most memorable song but it is a damn great one. Oh, but there’s also this:

Ain’t no runnin’, Thotiana, you gon’ take these damn strokes

Uh, yeah, well, um... Yikes, okay, I’m just going to leave it there. Great song, check it out. Check out the Cardi B remix though, it’s even better.

#37 – “Breathe” – CamelPhat and Cristoph featuring Jem Cooke

Damn, CamelPhat, I love these guys. Every song they’ve released that hit the charts has been some of the best EDM I’ve heard come out of the UK electronic scene in years, and they know how to make a fun, catchy dance song feel cinematic and in the case of songs like “Cola” with Elderbrook, almost avant-garde. A lot of UK dance by more obscure names has hit the charts last year, and impressed me as well, especially Loud Luxury, so I’m excited to see what CamelPhat have got up their sleeves this time for their third top 40 hit, and the first for Cristoph and Jem Cooke.

Yeah, so, this feels oddly 90s at the start, with those nice warm synths, then the indie-pop singer of the week comes in with her raspy voice covered in reverb, with pretty much no build-up before we get to a deep bassline and finger-snaps come in, almost like a sped-up Chicago house beat. The beat increases in intensity with a higher pitched bass as the chorus comes in but there’s not really a drop, just a continuation of the instrumental, because it still feels restrained and isolated, despite the theatricality of the whole ordeal, and that really fits the title because it’s an anxious song, and it takes a damn long while for that tension release to come in. Unlike “breathin” by Ariana Grande from last year, that was also about anxiety and self-help, this isn’t repetitive to a fault, rather while Jem Cooke yells at herself that she needs her to breathe again, the beat is almost like a train pushing down the tracks and the finale climax when her vocals echo, “Again, again, again, again”, is the train hitting her and killing her. Grande’s song was a pump-up anthem but this is just a pure burst of self-frustration hurled at the listener, and while it’s nowhere near as good as “Panic Room” in expressing panic, isolation and anxiety (Yeah, it is kind of a retread), this is still pretty great.

#34 – “Who Do You Love” – The Chainsmokers featuring 5 Seconds of Summer

Oh, these seven guys again. Look, I like enough of both of these artists’ songs to give them a pass, but a collaborative single between the two is just a mediocrity sandwich. It’s not going to be anything interesting or new or even worthwhile, it’s just going to be a two-dude EDM duo producing for one dude called Luke or something with four other dudes (Who supposedly play instruments on any of their singles – yeah, right). This is the Chainsmokers’ ninth top 40 single in the UK and 5 Seconds of Summer’s ninth as well, and it kind of sucks. What a surprise. We start off promising with distorted piano, a deep 808 bass and what sounds like a high-pitched, siren-like guitar, with Luke crooning, until... it has an acoustic breakdown in which Luke has too many vocal effects put onto him for it to work, and he sounds too fast, like a lot of these EDM guys make people sound like... until, that weak drop with an unfitting build-up. It just sounds like all five seconds saying “Blam-blam, hoopty-doopty, doo-doo” in unison over some cloudy synths and an ugly bass wobble. I know that’s the point, but this song is supposed to be taken seriously, and I don’t think any of the seven dudes involved noticed that at any point. Chainsmokers, guys, you’ll never top “Everybody Hates Me” (Note that their best song isn’t supposed to be taken seriously... or at least I hope not). Blech, I hope this goes away, this really is not worth any staying power.

#30 – “Just You and I” – Tom Walker

Both this and his other song, “Leave a Light On”, were featured in advertisements, boosting their place on the charts. This one has an album attached to it. That should tell you all you need to know about boring singer-songwriter, Tom Walker, trying to get on that “Genuine white guitarist man” money that Rag’n’Bone Man and Ed Sheeran currently store in the safe, although unlike those two, he’s more electronic and more plastic. He’s a rip-off? Yeah. Is he an industry plant? I mean, I don’t like that term, but it sure seems like it. If not, he’s just marketed perfectly. Anyway, this song is his second top 40 hit and some fake acoustic guitar and fake handclaps complement Tom Walker’s slightly nasal and... mildly urban-Irish (???) voice and the piano... and yeah, no, it doesn’t exist. I hear this song and nothing witty is produced, there’s nothing of interest in my brain, I feel like my ears have just had a long string of nothing twisted through them. The “Drop” is just a chorus, this time, although it still feels like a drop because Walker isn’t saying anything of interest. Oh, yeah, and the two parts of the chorus feel really jankily attached, it’s like two halves of a chorus put together. Next.

#16 – “Talk” – Khalid and Disclosure

Oh, hey, a great song by two amazing artists, that’s good to see. So, this is R&B singer Khalid’s tenth UK Top 40 hit and Disclosure’s sixth, and it’s funky, smooth and fun as hell. It starts with a synth that is ripped straight from the 80s, then some keys come in and a clap, until Khalid starts singing with that sultry voice, although it’s in a higher-pitched and more emotive falsetto this time, with a slightly off-kilter bass when partnered with the synths, almost reminding me of future bass. Khalid sounds absolutely fantastic over this beautiful instrumental, with all the extra touches like the drum pattern finishing off with a repeated snare, kick and bass hit at the end of the chorus as a climax, the extra synth melodies added throughout the chorus that give the song so much more “Oomph” and groove to it. The song is joyful, danceable and I don’t care about what the lyrics say at all, but since I clearly don’t have all that much to say about the song other than “This is gorgeous and amazing and brilliant”, I might as well say that the subject matter may be unfitting, because it’s about having a talk about where the relationship is going, which isn’t necessarily as smooth, cute and glamorous as the song could paint it out to be, but there definitely is that off-kilter and quirky vibe to it that does add that sense of panic, despite how mostly chilled it is. That works well, actually. Yeah, check this out because this is the best song either of these guys have put out. If this has longevity in the US, it’s a contender for the top of my best list, because I doubt anything better will come along. Perhaps “bury a friend” and “a lot” could end up there? Who knows? It’s shaping up to be a pretty good year, though, so we’ll see.

#8 – “needy” – Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande finally finds her sound after years and four albums of having the inability to be cohesive or unique, years and years of having a wasted voice due to cluttered, messy and generic instrumentals provided to her by producers who don’t know what they’re doing, and... her albums still suck. Well, her fifth album is a disappointment, yes, and it’s also incredibly mediocre. It lacks a lot of substance, is inconsistent (It either has too much polish or not enough), has a few irritating instrumentals like “bloodline”, as well as once again, it has Grande’s great voice being put to the side due to light-weight trap beats like “7 rings”, for which Grande is forced to lose all of her natural charisma in order to fit on. There, that’s what I think of the album. Now, “needy” is not one of the worst on the album, but it is bad, and you can tell that right off the jump with its over-simplistic, toy-box melody that starts it off, and gets irritating quick, with not enough drowning it out. I like the pre-chorus, it’s pretty cool, but the finger-snaps are fake and pointless, with the borderline doo-wop vocals in the background adding nothing but volume. Someone tell Ariana Grande that her “Yuh” ad-libs should never be used again, please. They worked in “God is a woman”, but that’s the only time they worked, and will ever work. The subject matter is decent here, but I don’t think the beat fits it – because it doesn’t have a beat, really, there’s barely any percussion, and then it has an abrupt, pointless orchestral outro. Yeah, you can tell this album was finished in two weeks. It has a lot of moments like that.

#1 – “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” – Ariana Grande

Fitting title. Okay, so what’s the need for build-up, am I right? When it works, over-whelming the listener with the beat immediately crashing in is great. That’s when it has build-up, it never works when it’s just the song starting with bass and percussion immediately, without much reason. No, it doesn’t make sense in the context of the album either, because the song before it fades out. Anyway, so over a weak, discount Playboi Carti type beat with the flute (???) mixed so low that it essentially doesn’t exist, Grande raps with a rather concerning accent considering the blackfishing controversy, biting freaking Quadeca’s flow (I know - Out of all people?), with again, those cringeworthy ad-libs placed in empty spaces. Then it cuts to 16-bit chiptune pianos that aren’t used throughout the song, just in this section, for the pre-chorus, it just feels kind of worthless to have this here, it’s like it’s part of another song they spliced in (A better song, may I add). Oh, and that chorus is sickeningly annoying. I don’t care about the lyricism here as much as I should (Because it is pretty douchey, at least on the surface), but she sounds nasal with that elongated syllable melody that makes me just coil. I don’t like the backing vocals or echoes, either, sorry for the nitpicking but they feel like quick edits just to fill in empty space, especially that male “Hey” (or “Care”, or “Yeah”, I can’t tell), it’s added abruptly and cuts the beat out for no reason. The bridge wouldn’t be bad without that incessant and constant percussion pounding through it. I shouldn’t be this negative, Grande’s performance is okay, I guess, but, damn, this is awful. It doesn’t develop or even end properly, it feels like a bonus track on the standard version – because, yes, somehow this is what they chose as a fitting climax to the record. What a waste of studio time, and what a bad #1. Listen, UK, I didn’t like “7 rings” either, but at least it wasn’t this.

Conclusion

Man, I feel bad for doing so but Ariana Grande gets Worst of the Week for “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”, and screw it, Dishonourable Mention for “needy”. Nothing else is all that bad, so the Chainsmokers get away scot-free here, with Honourable Mention being tied and going to both Blueface for “Thotiana” and CamelPhat, Cristoph and Jem Cooke for “Breathe”. Best of the Week should be pretty obvious, but yeah, it’s going to Khalid and Disclosure for “Talk”. See you next week.

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Why do we feel so guilty all the time?

The long read: Food, sex, money, work, family, friends, health, politics: theres nothing we cant feel guilty about, including our own feelings of guilt

I feel guilty about everything. Already today Ive felt guilty about having saidthe wrong thing to a friend. Then Ifeltguilty about avoiding that friend because of the wrong thing Id said. Plus, I havent called my mother yet today: guilty. And I really should have organised something special for my husbands birthday: guilty. I gave the wrong kind of food to my child: guilty. Ive been cutting corners at work lately: guilty. I skipped breakfast: guilty. I snacked instead: double guilty. Im taking up all this space in a world with not enough space in it: guilty, guilty, guilty.

Nor am I feeling good about feeling bad. Not whensophisticated friends never fail toremind me how selfinvolved, self-aggrandising, politically conservative and morally stunted the guilty are. Poor me. Guilty about guilty. Filial guilt, fraternal guilt, spousal guilt, maternal guilt, peer guilt, work guilt, middle-class guilt, whiteguilt, liberal guilt, historical guilt, Jewish guilt: Im guilty of them all.

Thankfully, there are those who say they can save us from guilt. According to the popular motivational speaker Denise Duffield-Thomas, author of Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!, guilt is one of the most common feelings women suffer. Guilty women, lured by guilt into obstructing their own paths to increased wealth, power, prestige and happiness, just cant seem to take advantage of their advantages.

You might feel guilty, Duffield-Thomas writes, for wanting more, or for spending money on yourself, or for taking time out of your busy family life to work on improving yourself. You might feel guilty that other people are poor, thatyour friend is jealous, that there are starving people in theworld. Sure enough, I do feel guilty for those things. So,itis something of a relief to hear that I can be helped thatI can be self-helped. But, for that to happen, what I must first understand is that a) Im worth it, and b) none of these structures of global inequality, predicated on historical injustices, are my fault.

My guilt, in other words, is a sign not of my guilt but of myinnocence even my victimhood. Its only by forgiving myself for the wrongs for which I bear no direct responsibility that I can learn to release my money blocks and live afirstclass life, according to Duffield-Thomas.

Imagine that: a first-class life. This sort of advice, which frames guilt as our most fundamentally inhibiting emotion, takes insights from psychoanalytic and feminist thinking and transforms them into the language of business motivation. The promise is that our guilt can be expiated by making money.

Its an idea that might resonate especially in the German language, where guilt and debt arethe same word, schuld. One thinks, for example, of Max Webers thesis about how the spirit of capitalism conflates our worldly and heavenly riches, on the basis that what you earn in this world also serves as a measure of your spiritual virtue, since it depends on your capacity for hard work, discipline and self-denial.

But what Weber calls salvation anxiety within the Protestant work ethic has the opposite effect to the self-help manuals promise to liberate entrepreneurs from their guilt. For Weber, in fact, the capitalist pursuit of profit does not reduce ones guilt, but actively exacerbates it for, in an economy that admonishes stagnation, there can be no rest forthe wicked.

So, the guilt that blocks and inhibits us also propels us to work, work, work, to become relentlessly productive in the hope that we might by our good works rid ourselves of guilt. Guilt thus renders us productive and unproductive, workaholic and workphobic a conflict that might explain theextreme and even violent lengths to which people sometimes will go, whether by scapegoating others or sacrificing themselves, to be rid of what many people considerthe mostunbearable emotion.

What is the potency of guilt? With its inflationary logic, guiltlooks, if anything, to have accumulated over time. Although we tend to blame religion for condemning man tolife as a sinner, the guilt that may once have attached tospecific vices vices for which religious communities couldprescribe appropriate penance now seems, in a more secular era, to surface in relation to just about anything: food, sex, money, work, unemployment, leisure, health, fitness, politics, family, friends, colleagues, strangers, entertainment, travel, the environment, you name it.

Equally, whoever has been tempted to suppose that rituals of public humiliation area macabre relic of the medieval past clearly hasnt been paying much attention to our life online. You cant expect to get away for long on social media without someone pointing an accusatory finger at you. Yet its hard to imagine that the presiding spirit of our age, the envious and resentful troll, would have such easy pickings if he could not already sense awhiff of guilt-susceptibility emanating from his prey.

It wasnt meant to be like this. The great crusaders of modernity were supposed to uproot our guilt. The subject ofcountless high-minded critiques, guilt was accused by modern thinkers of sapping the life out of us and causing ourpsychological deterioration. It was said to make us weak(Nietzsche), neurotic (Freud), inauthentic (Sartre).

In thelatter part of the 20th century, various critical theories gained academic credibility, particularly within the humanities. These were theories that sought to show whether with reference to class relations, race relations, gender relations how we are all cogs in a larger system ofpower. We may play our parts in regimes of oppression, but we are also at the mercy of forces larger than us.

But this raises questions about personal responsibility: if its true that our particular situation is underpinned by a complex network of social and economic relations, how can any individual really claim to bein control or entirely responsible for her own life? Viewed in such an impersonal light, guilt can seem an unhelpful hangover fromless selfaware times.

As a teacher of critical theory, I know how crucial and revelatory its insights can be. But Ive occasionally also suspected that our desire for systematic and structural formsof explanation may be fuelled by our anxiety at the prospect of discovering were on the wrong side of history.When wielded indelicately, explanatory theories can offer their adherents afoolproof system for knowing exactly what view to hold, with impunity, about pretty much everything as if one could take out an insurance policy to be sure of always being right. Often, too, thats as far as such criticism takes you into a right-thinking that doesnt necessarily organise itself into right-acting.

The notion that our intellectual frameworks might be as much a reaction to our guilt as a remedy for it might sound familiar to a religious person. In the biblical story, after all, man falls when hes tempted by fruit from the tree of knowledge. Its knowledge that leads him out of the Gardenof Eden into an exile that has yet to end. His guilt isaconstant, nagging reminder that he has taken this wrongturn.

Illustration: A Richard Allen

Yet even within that source we see how mans guilt can bedeceptive as slippery and seductive as the serpent who led him astray. For if man has sinned by tasting of knowledge, the guilt that punishes him repeats his crime: with all its finger-wagging and tenor of I told you so, guilt itself comes over as awfully knowing. It keeps us, as the psychoanalyst Adam Phillips has written, in thrall to that boring and repetitive voice inside our head that endlessly corrects, criticises, censors, judges and finds fault with us, but never brings usany news about ourselves. In our feelings of guilt, we seemalready to have the measure of who it is we are and whatit is were capable of.

Could that be the reason for our guilt? Not our lack of knowledge but rather our presumption of it? Our desperate need to be sure of ourselves, even when what we think of ourselves is that were worthless, useless, the pits? When we feel guilty we at least have the comfort of being certain ofsomething of knowing, finally, the right way to feel, whichis bad.

This may be why were addicted to crime dramas: they satisfy our wish for certainty, no matter how grim that certainty is. At the beginning of a detective story, were conscious of a crime, but we dont know who did it. By the end of the story, ithas been discovered which culprit is guilty: case closed. Thus guilt, inits popular rendering, is what converts our ignorance intoknowledge.

For a psychoanalyst, however, feelings of guilt dont necessarily have any connection tobeing guiltyin the eyes of the law.Our feelings of guilt may be a confession, but they usually precede the accusation of any crime the details ofwhich not even the guilty person can be sure.

So, while the stories we prefer may be the ones that uncover guilt, its equally possible that our own guilt is a cover story forsomething else.

Although the fall is originally a biblical story, forget religion for a moment. One can just as well recount a more recent and assuredly secular story of the fall of man. Its a story that has had countless narrators, perhaps none finer or more emphatic than the German Jewish postwar critic Theodor Adorno. Writing in the wake of the Holocaust, Adorno argued famously that whoever survives in a world that could produce Auschwitz is guilty, at least insofar as theyre still party to the same civilisation that created the conditions for Auschwitz.

Inother words, guilt is our unassailable historical condition. Its our contract as modern people. As such, says Adorno, we all have a shared responsibility after Auschwitz to be vigilant,lest we collapse once more into the ways of thinking, believing and behaving that brought down this guilty verdict upon us. To make sense after Auschwitz is to risk complicity with its barbarism.

For Adorno too, then, our knowledge renders us guilty, rather than keeping us safe. For a modern mind, this could well seem shocking. That said, perhaps the more surprising feature of Adornos representation of guilt is the idea expressed in his question whether after Auschwitz you cango on living especially whether one who escaped by accident, one who by rights should have been killed, may go on living. His mere survival calls for the coldness, the basic principle of bourgeois subjectivity, without which there couldhave been no Auschwitz; this is the drastic guilt of himwho was spared.

For Adorno, the guilt of Auschwitz belongs to all of western civilisation, but its a guilt he assumed would be felt most keenly by one who escaped by accident, one who by rights should have been killed the Jewish survivor of the second world war.

Adorno, who had left Europe for New York in early 1938, was probably attesting to his own sense of guilt. Yet his insight is one we alsoget from psychologists who worked with concentration camp survivors after the war; they found that feelings of guiltaccompanied by shame, self-condemnatory tendencies and self-accusations are experienced by the victims of the persecution and apparently much less (if at all) bythe perpetrators of it.

What can it mean if victims feel guilty and perpetrators areguilt-free? Are objective guilt (being guilty) and subjective guilt (feeling guilty) completely at odds with each other?

In the years after the war, the concept of survival guilt tended to be viewed as the byproduct of the victims identification with their aggressor. The survivor who may subsequently find it hard to forgive herself because others have diedin her place why am I still here when they are not? may also feel guilty because of what she was forced to collude withfor the sake of her survival. This need not imply any incriminating action on her part; her guilt may simply be anunconscious way of registering her past preference that others suffer instead of her.

On this basis, then, it may be possible to think of survivors guilt as a special case of the guilt we all bear when, aware or unaware, were glad when others, rather than ourselves, suffer. Obviously, thats not a pleasant feeling, but neither is ita hard one to understand. Still, there remains something deeply uncomfortable about accepting that survivors of the worst atrocities should feel any guilt for their own survival. Instead, shouldnt we be trying to save the survivor from her (in our view) mistaken feelings of guilt andthus establish, without smirch or quibble, her absolute innocence?

This understandable impulse, according to the intellectual historian Ruth Leys, saw the figure of the survivor emerge in the period after the second world war, alongside a shift in focus from the victims feelings of guilt toward an insistence on the victims innocence. This transformation, Leys argues, involved replacing the concept of guilt with its close cousin, shame.

The difference is crucial. The victim who feels guilt evidently has an inner life, with intentions and desires while the victim who feels shame seems to have had it bestowed from outside. The victims of trauma consequently appear to be the objects rather than the subjects ofhistory.

Shame, then, tells us something about what one is, not what one does or would like to do. And so the effect of this well-intentioned shift in emphasis may have been to rob the survivor of agency.

It may be tempting to assume that survival guilt is an extraordinary case, given the abject powerlessness of the victims of such traumas. But, as we will see, attempts to deny the validity of the guilt of others often have the similar effect of denying their intentions as well. Consider the case of liberal guilt, the guilt we all love to hate.

Liberal guilt has become a shorthand for describing those who feel keenly a lack of social, political and economic justice, but are not the ones who suffer thebrunt of it. According to the cultural critic Julie Ellison, it first took hold in the US in the 1990s, on the back of a post-cold-war fragmentation of theleft, and a loss of faith in the utopian politics of collective action that had characterised an earlier generation of radicals. The liberal who feels guilty has given up on the collective and recognises herself to be acting out of self-interest. Her guilt is thus a sign of the gap between what she feels for the others suffering and what she will do actively to alleviate it which isnot, it turns out, a great deal.

As such, her guilt incites much hostility in others, not least in the person who feels himself the object of the liberals guilt. This person, AKA the victim, understands only too well how seldom the pity he elicits in the guilty liberal is likely to lead toany significant structural or political changes for him.

Rather, the only power to be redirected his way is not political power, but the moral or affective power to make those more fortunate than he is feel even more guilty about the privileges they are nonetheless not inclined to give up.

But just how in control of her feelings is the guilty liberal? Not very, thinks Ellison. Since feelings arent easily confected, her guilt tends to assail her unbidden, rendering her highly performative, exhibitionist, even hysterical. In her guilt, she experiences a loss of control, although she remains conscious at all times of an audience, before whom she feels she must show how spectacularly sorry she is. Her guilt, then, is her way of acting out, marking a disturbance in the liberal who doesnt know herself quite as well as her guilt would haveher think.

The idea of guilt as aninhibiting emotion corroborates the common critique of liberal guilt: that, for all the suffering it produces, it fails completely to motivate the guilty subject tobring about meaningful political change.

But what if the liberals guilt actually has another purpose, to allow the liberal respite from the thing she may (unconsciously) feel even worse about: the lack of a fixed identity that tells her who she is, what her responsibilities are and where these come to an end.

If anything can be said to characterise the notoriously woolly liberal, guilt may be it. Liberal guilt suggests a certain class (middle), race (white) and geopolitical (developed world) situation. As such, despite the torment it brings to those who suffer it, it might, paradoxically (and, again, unconsciously), be reassuring for someone whose real neurosis is that she feels her identity is so mobile and shiftingthat she can never quite be surewhere she stands.

If this is what chiefly concerns her, then one might envisage her guilt as a feeling that tells her who she is, by virtue of telling her who she is failing to be for others. Who is the liberal? She who suffers on account of those who suffer morethan she. (I know whereof I speak.)

This may suggest why, in recent years, there has been mounting criticism of the liberals sensibilities. To her critics, the liberal really is guilty. Shes guilty of a) secretly resenting victims for how their sufferings make her feel, b) drawing attention away from them and back towards her, c) having theaudacity to make an exhibition out of her self-lacerations and d) doing practically nothing to challenge the status quo.

For critics of the guilty liberal, in other words, feeling guiltyis part of the problem, rather than the solution. And yetthis criticism is itself subject to the same accusation. Giventhat criticising someone for feeling guilty is only going to make them feel guiltier, guilt has, asweve seen, proved atricky opponent one that its various modern combatants have yetto defeat.

Once again, therefore, in the case of liberal guilt, we encounter a feeling so devilishly slippery that it repeats the problem in the course of confessing it. Because there is, of course, aform of guilt that does not inspire us to act, but prevents us from acting. This type of guilt takes the uncertainty of our relations with others (and our responsibility for others) and turns them into an object of certainty and knowledge.

But since the object in this case is our own self, we can see how liberal guilt, too, mutates guilt into a version of shame.Shame, infact, could well be a more accurate appellation for what motivates the guilty liberal in her public and private self-condemnations.

However, before we declare the liberal guilty as charged as in guilty of the wrong kind of guilt its worth reminding ourselves of the survival guilt that has likewise been viewed by many as guilt of the wrong kind. For as we observed in that case, in seeking to save the victim from her guilt, the victim becomes deprived of the very thing that might distinguish herfrom the objectifying aggression that has assailed her: asense of her own intentions and wishes, however aggressive, perverse or thwarted these might be.

For this reason, then, its vital to preserve the notion of survivors guilt (and, despite obvious differences, liberal guilt) as that which could yet return to the survivor (or the liberal) apower of agency such as must be absolutely necessary if sheis to have a future that isnt bound, by the resolving or absolving of her guilt, to repeat the past ad infinitum.

If religion often gets the blame for framing man as sinner, thesecular effort to release man from his guilt hasnt offered much relief. The Italian philosopher Giorgio Agamben suggests that subjective innocence belongs to a bygone age, the age of the tragic hero. Oedipus, for example, is someone whose objective guilt (parricide, incest) is matched by the subjective innocence of the man who acts before he knows. Today, however, says Agamben, we find the opposing situation: modern man is objectively innocent (for he has not, like Oedipus, murdered with his own hands), but subjectively guilty (he knows that his comforts and securities have been paid for by someone, somewhere, probably in blood).

By falsely promising a tabula rasa bound to his historical and intellectual emancipation, modernity may not only have failed to obliterate mans subjective guilt, but may even have exacerbated it. For what many a modern man is guilty of is less his actions than his addiction to a version of knowledge that seems to have inhibited his capacity for action. As such, the religious assignation of man as sinner a fallen, abject, endlessly compromised, but also active, effective andchangeable creature begins to look comforting bycomparison.

Such a view also shares much in common with a certain psychoanalytic conception of guilt as a blocked form of aggression or anger toward those we need and love (God, parents, guardians, whomever we depend on for our own survival). But if guilt is the feeling that typically blocks all other (buried, repressed, unconscious) feelings, that is not initself areason to block feelings of guilt. Feelings, after all, are what you must be prepared to feel if they are to move you,or if you are to feel something else.

Main illustration by A Richard Allen

Adapted from Feeling Jewish (A Book for Just About Anyone) by Devorah Baum, which will be published by Yale University Press on 19 October at 18.99. To buy it for 16.15, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99.

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