#but now i know ur apology was insincere

[tokyo-debunkers-headcanons]

ahh since ur requests are open may I pls request the frostheim ghouls (and possibly leo? LOL) and how you think they would make it up to mc after making them upset? Preferably some hurt/comfort if possible but whatever is easiest for you!

Ahhhh my first request! Thank you for sending it in! Also I'm so sorry for any typos in these headcanons, I'm just dumb (so sorry to the Jin Kamurai fans) and this is assuming you guys are at least good friends (if not more) at this point in time.

JIN KAMURAI

Okay, real talk. I think Jin is terrible with emotions. Even worse when he's done something wrong. I don't think he'd ever SAY that he's wrong or that he's sorry. But we all know he's got that cash money, so I think he'd order MC to go somewhere with/for him and treat them as a unspoken apology. Like he's ordering them to pick something up for him, somewhere in the academy, and gives them some 'pocket change' to buy their lunch. (STOP! DRABBLE TIME!)

MC was considering telling Jin to shove it, but they knew it would end up biting them in the ass, so they walked through Frostheim, dragging their feet. They were less than thrilled to be going back to the Frostheim captain's room. Sooner than they'd like, they were standing outside of his door. Before they could knock like they usually did, the door swung open, revealing Jin, his eyes narrowed, he held out a small stack of documents to them, dropping them in their hands. He turned his back to them curtly saying,

"Get these to Professor Dante. Now."

MC wanted to say something. To snap back at him but they paused when they felt something at the bottom of the stack of documents. Upon further inspection, it was a wad of big bills. At a glance it was at least 100,000 yen (about 1,000 USD). MC's eyes went wide at the stack of bills, they looked back up at Jin's retreating figure. They were about to question why, when all he said was,

"Get something to eat once your done. Thats an order"

With that, he closed the door and ended the discussion.

TOHMA ISHIBASHI

Okay, Tohma on the other hand I think is better with emotions than Jin. But he's still not the best. He at least knows how to apologize...he's just bad at saying it. I feel like Tohma is more of an acts of service person (duh) than a verbal person if that makes sense. If he's upset MC its easier for him to do small things to apologize than to actually say the words. (here is your order of drabble, freshly written)

Tohma watched MC carefully behind his monocle, he knew they were upset and why. But he hadn't expected them to stay upset for this long. Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he waited until they would return the next day to finalize some documents with the second year ghouls. When the time came, Tohma took their jacket and prepared the a special blend of tea and biscuits for them while they worked on the papers. The practiced smile always on his face. After some time he returned with a tray, presenting it in front of them, his expression softer than before. When he set it down, all he said was,

"I've taken the liberty of bringing you something to eat. You've been working diligently as of late, among...other reasons. I hope you enjoy your meal"

With that, he swiftly left them to their work and their thoughts, giving them space.

KAITO FUJI

Kaito here is on the entire opposite side of that spectrum. He has absolutely no problem saying the words, but even if he was forgiven the first time, he still doesn't think its enough. So if anything, he does too much. He'll buy them flowers and chocolates to gain their forgiveness. It almost seems insincere how much he apologizes but he really does mean. Its more that his insecurities get the better of him and he doubts himself, so they might need to knock some sense into him for it to actually get through to him that he's been forgiven. Please be patient with him, he just really likes MC and he gets most of his advice from crappy magazines. (TO THE DRABBLE!)

Kaito held the bouquet of flowers in his arms tightly and held out the box of chocolates to MC. They had already told him that it was okay, but it didn't *feel* okay to him. There was a small voice in his head telling him that they were still upset with him. He had sent them a text, asking to meet in the library of DA academy. When MC arrived however, they sighed deeply, walking directly up to Kaito with a scowl on their face, saying,

"Kaito. I told you that its okay, you don't need to keep doing these kinds of gestures. If I was still upset with you, I wouldn't have shown up here to begin with"

Kaito's face went pale. He should have known they were smart enough to see right through him and his plan. He sighed, saying.

"I know you did i just-...I just wanted to be sure we were still cool....I'm sorry"

MC shook their head, their expression getting softer, they pulled out a chair from one of the tables in the library and sat down, saying,

"I'll forgive you, if you promise not to do anymore of these gestures....and you split those chocolates with me"

Kaito softly smiled and sat beside them, setting the flowers aside and the chocolates between them, he was so glad to know someone as sweet as MC.

LUCAS ERRANT

Lucas I think is closer to the middle of the spectrum. He's pretty literal and like I said before, he's not the best with social cues. From what I gather, he's more used to people saying what they mean. So if MC told them they were fine, he might worry at first, but he'd let it go, trusting MC enough to think they'd always tell him what was on their mind. If they do however tell him that they're still upset, that's different. If they were still upset I think he'd give them another apology and some bisuits. If that wasn't enough, then I think he's the type of guy to tell them stories about himself. Either about him and or his twin brother when they were little. Like really be vulnerable with them. (YOU'VE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD! DRABBLE! YOU TAKE 420 LIFE POINTS WORTH OF DAMAGE!)

Lucas had been worried about MC ever since they last saw eachother. Something about them had seemed off in a way. He was even more worried when he got a text from them asking to meet him in Frostheim's main entrance. He quickly grabbed his things and raced off to Frostheim. When he arrived MC was standing inside, their face somber. He reached them, immediately asking,

"MC! Are you alright? Did something happen?"

He gave them a quick once over, even gently grabbing their wrist to look it over, making sure they weren't injured. When MC snapped their arm out of his grasp, he looked up at them surprised. When they explained that they were still upset with him, he understood. He asked them to follow him to one of the secluded balconies at Frostheim. When they arrived, it was silent for the first few moments. Luca pressing his hands against the balcony railing and looking up at the sky. Before MC could break the silence, Luca softly spoke,

"I've never been the best at putting myself in the shoes of others...at least not without guidance....Jin has told me so, and even my brother....when we were little I would always have trouble whenever he would get upset with me. He told me he was fine, but he never was. I suppose I still have quite a bit to learn about others around me...I'm truly sorry MC. I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me"

LEO KUROSAGI

Leo won't apologize. Let's be honest. If you think Jin is bad, Leo is WORSE. I think because of his fame and looks, that he's used to getting his way, even if he's a dick about it. I feel like he learned early on that the world is a cold cruel place and that saying you're sorry is admitting that you were wrong about something. Leo is 100% the kind of guy to expect them to get over whatever it is he did, even if it was something really bad. Man has like no moral compass, anything is on the table, even if it's deeply personal. I he'd get bored and keep sending you dumb tiktoks or meme's to get you to talk to him and hang out again. At MOST I think he'd trap you into going out somewhere with him and he'd treat you. Like get you a Starbucks drink or something, but thats it. And if MC won't go out with him, he'll come to them with two new trendy Starbucks drinks and his tablet ready to watch some shitty reality TV and make fun of the cast.

Leo glared down at his phone with a huff, MC hadn't reacted to any of his tiktoks or memes, not even the sad cat ones! It had been a few days since they'd went out. Sho was busy with his own thing so Leo had no one else to bet with. He dramatically sighed and immediately started to look through MC'S social media on his phone. He noticed that they'd like a post on the new drinks at Starbucks and started to formulate a plan. He dragged Sho away from him project and got to work.

MC sat on their bed, relaxing after a long day of classes, waiting to hear from professor Hyde which house they were going to be assigned to next. A knock at the front door echoed throughout the old cathedral, startling them. When MC got up and answered the door, Leo stood there with a cup holder and his signature impish smile,

"Hey MC! You didn't show up so I came here!"

Leo pushed past them and looked around, visible disgust on his face before turning to MC, his smile slapping back onto his face, saying,

"I can't believe you live like this! But whatever! Come one i brought my tablet with the new housewives season and the new spicy dragon fruit drink from Starbucks. Where has the best lighting in this shithole? I need to post about it before we start watching"

Leo handed them the drink, looking around before he found their bedroom, making himself comfortable and moving some of their things around to make a mini photo shoot for the drink. Once he was done, MC had finally found him, sitting on her bed and drinking what he brought. He saw them and gently pat beside him on the bed, saying,

"C'mon! How can you stay mad at a handsome devil like me? Now come here, I NEED to know what happens to Bethenny Frankel!"

[i-was-never-sane]

Okay, so recently I have been seeing a lot of post's about a friend's situation.

I would like to address my concerns about this.

Please know that anything that sounds offensive to you is not at all. Everything will be LIGHTHEARTED.

Any mean shit you have to say, suck it up and cry about it.

I have seen multiple talks about a friend's AU.

And I have heard about it beforehand but never exactly understood the situation,

Now that I have, I would like to show my point of view on this

As I see there is no harm is altering a story line a little.

This has come to an extreme.

I hate hearing all the bullshit about girl's getting raped and boys getting away with it.

I hope that people learn about men SA and stop crying about it.

As much as I do love Circe, I do not support the her actions.

Odysseus has suffered a long time, and altering that time is very fragile.

When I saw the Anon's message, I did not like how it was spoken. But, the anon is right, and I will not deny that.

My friend was wrong and rude with how they reacted.

They did not foresee how that would affect people [especially those who believe in the stories.] and even after that message, they did not at least lose a bit of sleep.

I don't know how I feel about this situation and I am tired emotionally and mentally.

I never thought it would come to this, but i agree with anon. Odysseus and Circe's past cannot and should NOT be altered that easily.

Based on @unhinged-waterlilly 's (im so sorry about the tag, lmk if its annoying) post, my friend's reaction to her talking about what happened to Odysseus was fucking shit. It was like they. Didn't. Even. CARE.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT.

Just because it's an alternate universe doesn't mean it. Doesn't. Fucking. MATTER.

Picture this, if someone made an AU where Medusa was the one who beckoned Poseidon to have intercourse with her in Athena's temple. What would other people think?? THEY WOULD GET MAD!

Medusa is a rape victim. And so is Odysseus.

No, Circe is not an 'innocent flower'.

No, Odysseus is not a fucking rapist.

Anon's message was not hate, and I know it wasn't.

But I do believe that there was another way to word it.

Plus, now reading their apology post, it feels so dry. Insincere. No remorse.

I am angry, sad, and tired at the same time.

I am not saying I hate them, but I feel like, me explaining my emotions further will worsen the situation.

i hope this portrays as me lending my opinion and not as an insult.

tagging my friend's taglist because idk what to do.

@zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite @fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son @bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @hispanic-child-of-hermes @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial @reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia @that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass @kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @zoe-aura-of-d3ath @itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena @sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan @demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes @cloak-of-ares @heraaaaaaaa @unproblematic-hestia

[may--flowerss]

OOH BOY HERE WE GO

So after the whole Geo vs everyone in his server thing went down i was intitally on Geo’s side, I wanted to be his friend and I believed what they’d said about fancy-that. I HATED fancy-that and her friends (mostly her) for quite some time because of what Geo said had happened. However after being added to a private gc within their new server I quickly changed my tune, and stayed to see just how long the BS would continue.

His first argument is that he’s never called Fancy a pedo

which as we can see is not true yet he says its not his fault if other people viewed fancy-that as a pedophile, which she is not nor is she a groomer.

in the above image Geo is talking in regards to manipulating and gaslighting the members of fancy-thats server into letting him have ownership again and forcing them to apologize first for what they did even though Geo had personal things that NEEDED to be attoned for first before any other apologies could be made though he claims to “not be toxic” 

this was Geo’s plan to once again gaslight and manipulate and lie to the server in order to get “their” server back. (it obviously didn’t work) this is hypocritical to the NUMEROUS times he states that he does not do these things, and this plan was created after the problem had already been resolved. He’s using his own friends as personal lackeys for his dirty work.

Geo “apologizes” to fancy claiming he never viewed her as a pedophile and then he turns right around and talks about her like this with his friends:

“No i don’t think ur a pedo, its not my fault people call you that! Now let me tell all my friends and make jokes about it and continue to call you a pedo behind your back” also fancy-that has a job where she works around children and an accusation like this could have gotten her fired if it got out. This apology is worthless because of how he acts after the fact.

Geo also stated multiple times that he “just wanted an apology” from the group and yet when me and some of his other friends attempted to set up an oppurtunity for everyone to apologize and set things right he wasn’t too happy about it:

Geo has stated in private that he “only wants drama” while publicly and to the faces of the server members said that he only wanted them to apologize because of how hurt he was. This shows he was lying and only wanted the fight to continue until he “won”

A huge sensitive topic throughout this whole thing was about the late mother of one of the server members Geo didn’t like. When this whole drama first came out Geo made a joke about the person’s dead mother and refused to apologize for it because “it was funny” 

imagine your defense being that the person didn’t even like that parent. It doesn’t matter it isn’t yours to make fun of

“I feel bad but it was funny” no it isn’t you’re just a terrible person. its SO funny to joke about someone’s dead parent right?

It took at least an hour for Geo to finally give in and apologize for making these hurtful comments towards this person. which as we can see were insincere.

He also confessed to this and i’ll just let it speak for itself:

Another person in the server who had to apologize (but shouldn’t have had to at all) was someone with autism who had to apologize for talking about their special interest/ hyper-fixation which wasn’t Hamilton related and which is common for autistic people to do. This person did also apologize for trauma dumping outside of the designated channel (something he did not do often) but although Geo claimed to not be bothered by him talking about his hyperfixations he had this to say to his friends:

Autistic people cannot control what they hyper-fixate on and even though Geo claims to not be ableist or dislike people with these mental illnesses he knows that special interests are an autistic trait and he even told fancy-that quote “you don’t get to be mean to me just because you’re neurodivergent”

another thing the other server disliked about Geo was how he always told them to “kys” which he claims was only a joke and one that he used with people he was comfortable with and that he didn’t really mean it....so why is he still saying it about them behind their backs???

yeah......totally sounds like you’re joking.

And just to expose him for something else. Geo got mad at the server the first time around when they shared their ss evidence of his behavior and accused them of deleting stuff while also defending the fact that he would NEVER delete anything. Oh really?

Geo also called out the other server for “hating new members” when he says stuff like this about new members in his server:

And then his big solution for everything to be “over” was for fancy-that to give him back ownership of the original server (which she didn’t do) 

this is just stupid. if you willingly gave it up thinking you were never going to come back they don’t HAVE to hand it back over to you. 

Geo sees this as a perfect solution for HIS own comfort even though he was originally the toxic one in the server who made everyone uncomfortable and scared when he was owner

Geo has also accused me and fancy-that of being the same person and though she says she never wanted to send spies into their server she had no problem talking shit about the things they would talk about with her friends who were allowed into the original server

Fancy-that was nothing but cordial to Geo throughout their arguments until Geo lashed out when he realized they weren’t getting what they wanted. 

Geo CONTINUES to portray himself as the only victim in this scenario.

Additionally in the gc he was telling his friends things to tell fancy-that when they were conversing with them. Naz lied to fancy saying he was neutral and wasn’t on Geo’s side but in reality Geo was feeding him things to say to her to trick her into letting her guard down (which he has done to her before) 

And also fancy has apologized and attoned for what she did to make Geo uncomfortable NUMEROUS times while Geo had to be coaxed and forced to apologize for his mistakes. And the apologies were fake anyway because he continued to talk shit about those things even after.

Also Geo said they were going to get me for this shit if I ever made it public so like bring it on I guess??? sorry ur scared of the truth lmao.

@pettywithanr​ 

[eoieopda]

hi, I don’t follow you or anything but I’ve been peeking into your blog from time to time and I’ve gathered a couple things about you that I’d like to let you know.

You’re a very deep person and I really appreciate that. Now I haven’t read any of your fics just because I’m too weak for angsty pain but from my understanding they’re so deep. There are just some emotions that don’t have names because of their depth and how they are a mix of multiple different emotions all packed into one and you seem to understand a multitude of those emotions. You also understand how to put them in words which is so incredibly difficult because most (read: me) cannot even put regular basic emotions into words.

I also appreciate the sincerity you hold in your words, even when they aren’t targeted to your friends. You speak with such kind sincerity to even strangers that doesn’t feel like customer voice kindness more like you see them as your lovable little siblings and want the best for them for real despite them being total strangers. You are just so amazing it’s so cool. Like how you’re able to expand about topics and questions with your own opinions and narrative that I couldn’t even begin fathom. Like you speak with such power I would assume you’re a namjoon bias. You are able to garner knowledge on all kinds of topics and respond in such an eloquent manner that I’m left speechless because I didn’t even begin to see that side of the situation.

I’ve been pretty sad and mean to others and myself lately (I’m not usually like that I swear) because of personal matters and things I’ve been going through (I understand that’s a bad thing and I’m completely out of line for it) and your blog makes me rethink everytime I’m about to those things and I’ve been back to my normal self for the past two weeks and I’ve been feeling a lot better.

sorry for everything that anyone has ever done to you, including me. I was that ur wild person and I swear I don’t mean to be a stalker or anything but you’ve changed my current life trajectory for the better and I wanted you to know that. That’s all. Also sorry for the copy and pasted sorry last time I didn’t realize it would be insincere because I was equally apologetic to the lot of you and I thought if I changed around the words one apology might be better than the other and that spiked my anxiety.

That’s all bye. (I admire you a lot)

oh, wow. i appreciate the kindness, and that you circled back to explain a bit about what happened with the apologies.

being a person is super hard, even more so online, and we can’t get it right all the time. that’s why it’s so important — i think — to move through the world with as much empathy as possible. we’re all trying, you know?

i hope you have a good night, my dude.

[dawndelion-winery]

ACCO UR 200 EVENT IS SO CUTE OMGOMG <33

umm i'll be sitting inside and may i pls have malbec with cheese ^^ ofc my date would be childe ahehe

help pls idk if i did that correct but yes royal hurt/comfort with childe becase im a simp like that :"D

How Much I Miss You

Childe × GN!Reader

A/N: TQ Iely<33 You're so down bad for royal aus and hurt/comfort, comrade djsjskd /lh

What's a coronation without celebration? You watched your older brother step up to take the throne, patiently sitting with your other half-siblings. You applauded politely as he was crowned, the crowd buzzing with approval at having a new ruler.

Having completed the ceremony, the crowd dispersed from the throne room, all heading to the ballroom for the following festivities and refreshments.

You strolled in alongside your mother, touching up your outfit just before you entered to make sure there were no creases. It was like stepping into a whole new world from the quiet corridor into the lively ballroom. There was so much to see and hear - and the wafting aroma of chocolate from the chocolate fountain on the banquet tables at the sides. Your people danced to their hearts content, switching dance partners like they sampled food.

At the corner of your eye, you noticed a man with fluffy orange hair in a grey suit swirling the wine in his glass as he donned a playful grin. He seemed to be in deep conversation with your brother, the king, but you found it strange seeing as how your brother's expression was far more sombre.

Perhaps you'd stared for too long, for the man turned to catch your gaze, smirking a little wider as he muttered something to your brother - presumably excusing himself - and began striding towards you. It was hard to feign ignorance when he never broke eye contact the entire walk, making it abundantly clear you'd been caught.

He held his hand out for you, quickly leading you into waltz and weaving through the other party goers all the while holding you close to him.

"Some would consider it rude to stare, your highness, even if you are related to the king. Or were you just unable to take your eyes off of me?" he teased. Unable to come up with a witty remark fast enough, you stepped on his foot, uttering an insincere apology when he winced.

"Oh you're awful," he scoffed, smile still ever present on his face. Yet, when the time came for the next dance, he was quick to whisk you away and steal another dance from you.

"Hogging me for yourself? Now who's awful?"

He simply twirled you around again, his arms wrapped around you from behind as he leaned closer to your ear to whisper. "I never said I wasn't, your highness."

Just as quickly, he spun you again, and continued to dance with you as though he hadn't just been trying to fluster you. He barely let anyone else have you that night, stealing you away every other dance partner you had, telling you to wave it off as him being selfish and a glutton for your attention.

You laid in bed facing the ceiling, recalling the events of the night, hoping to imprint them in your memory. The charming stranger had introduced himself as Ajax at some point.

Ajax.

The name rolled so smoothly off your tongue. He seemed to know your brother, so surely, you should see him around more often. You hoped that was the case.

You should've been happy to see him. Ajax leaned against the king's desk, casually reading through papers with that same bastard smile.

"How can you still insist I've nothing to do with the throne, your majesty?"

Your brother furrowed his brows, crumpling the papers in his hand. "Whatever game you're playing with my little sibling: stop it. You want a garrison? Fine. They have no part in this and your foolishness will be tried for treason."

Ajax's smile faltered just a little, but he laughed as he dropped the few sheets he held back on the desk. "I'll take my leave since that's settled, your majesty."

You'd been pressing yourself against the wall the entire encounter. Had your ears deceived you? Your little crush was trying to use you. You weren't sure what to do with that information.

Minding your own business back in your room, you were surprised to hear a rapt knocking at your door. You weren't expecting any guests, and your servants would've announced their purpose.

"Your highness, I thought I'd drop by since I was already in the palace."

It was him. He was going to tell you he didn't need to be affiliated with you anymore. He'd gotten what he wanted from you, and you served no further purpose to him.

Then again, you wondered why you cared. You barely knew him. But he was thrilling. As much as you shouldn't have, you indulged in the reckless adventure that was Ajax, and now you've lost the map. Keeping yourself together by a thread, you invited him in.

Ajax's presence was like a rushing stream, and your resolution to ignore him was a boulder in its path. The longer he stayed, the more tempted you were to cave and let him use you. The conversation started light, with him sitting across from you, picking grapes from the fruit bowl between you.

"I've an agreement with his majesty," he mused. This is it, you thought. He was finally branching the topic. "I have to say, it did take a little...scheming on my part...anyway, I'll be around much more often now, so...maybe if you'd like, we could...get a little better acquainted, maybe?"

Better....acquainted? You weren't sure if he was mocking you, toying with you before he got bored. Remembering what you'd overheard in the king's study, you shook your head.

"Haven't you already gotten what you wanted? How much more of a fool will you make me?"

"So you know about that...how do I explain this...right, you could say I was playing both sides...heh...to get a rank and perhaps a cute spouse too..."

He leaned back into his seat, grinning sheepishly as he ruffled his own hair.

It would seem you've obtained an idiot ginger from the deal.

Taglist[send an ask to be added]: @myluvkeiji @pluvioseprince @altair-ation @teyvattherapist @euphoric-author @paradise-creator @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @serenenation @datu-tadhana @teahouserei @loverofthe-stars

[kachuuyaa]

第一章𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄. 報復; 最初の動き

reminder: there is no canon plot. please read the warnings and others in the link provided below.

𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐄; REMINISCENCE.

prev. \ next.

𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊 ここ

𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐒: spoilers for the bsd manga, mentioned violence murder bsd stuff, mori appears

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: led by greed are those driven with love.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: ur choice will possibly introduce chuuya and/or another character. voooote wiseeelyyyy :)

Dumbstruck. That’s what you felt like. “I knoooow it has been fou- five! Five years since we’ve last seen each other…” He trailed off, noticing your silence from the other line. Ah.. this call is a bit abrupt, He thought. Why the hell would you accept his favour? He has been nothing but unfair to you. He was a broken man whose fault is his own, yet he didn’t have the guts to even admit it to you and more importantly, himself. Who knew that the Dazai Osamu is a coward under his malevolent, promiscuous persona? Why were you to accept a single favour of a man who has proved time and time again that your hatred for him was justifiable? He has hurt you, countless times, and now he wants you to help someone as desperate as him? You deserve better, it’s been said by not only you and himself but to those who he had abandoned as well.

He left with no goodbye and a subordinate whose dreams were crushed by the very man who is talking to you now, for fucks sake. “Hellooo~,” He said, in a sing-song voice, an uncomfortable silence following after. The amount of rage stored in your body by just hearing that man’s voice snap you out of your thoughts was enough to make you lash out-- but you didn’t. He left you, he left everyone abruptly, and even though you know the reason behind it, it gave you more reason to hate him more. “And why do you think you could contact me?” You scorned, hearing an apologetic sigh coming from the other line. A pause, then, an apology unfinished. “Don’t,” You began, “Stop it with your insincere apologies.” a moment of silence was exchanged between the two of you, and it was mainly due to Dazai holding his words at the tip of his tongue. Although confident, he seemingly falters at your words alone.

Dazai Osamu is a man whose exterior is as hard as a diamond, his interior as versatile as you may think, his heart, to you, is as fragile as glass. It was ironic, for him to think that he is allowed to feel fondness towards you, for his heart to melt and to mend at the sight of you when he himself knew that he alone is the cause of everything you hated him for. You hated him for letting go of himself and letting go of you, and most of all, you hated him for the sole reason that he didn’t allow you to see past the malevolent, methodical Dazai Osamu you knew before. You were so blinded by hope that you forgot to even block his number, out of all things. You let him gain the upper hand again and you speculated that it was your fault every single time.

It wasn’t.

It was always his fault. It always has been. You knew that (however, you were in a state of denial every time you realized so), and he did too. A broken man is doomed to survive whenever he destroys his own relationships, and even the smartest of men is known to be a confident fool, and you have witnessed one of the prime examples of that kind of man.

And that man chases for you.

“I’ll help you.” You finally let out, “Only if you tell me everything.” You said sharply, indicating that you do not take no for an answer. Dazai nodded, “Yeah, sure, okay.” He said, seriously this time, but reverted back to his usual childish persona. “But pleaaaase be quick!” He whined, and in response, you said, “Fuck off, I’ll be there.” You could hear Dazai gasp dramatically on the other line, “Ah! You wound me! And after, my darling, we should perform a double suicide together!” He said, giddy in speech, and you scoffed. My Darling? Are you kidding me? You thought, I’ll punch him in the stomach when I spot him. Before he could say anything else, you hung up, putting your phone in your pocket. Sighing, you rubbed your eyes as you stood up from your position, rushing to the bathroom to hurriedly change your clothes. It’s as if even after all these years and after all his mistakes, you still are worried for his safety.

You didn’t like that.

You have always wondered how Oda was able to handle him-- moreover before he even died. Truth be told, you, the legendary executive of the Port Mafia, was reduced to nothing but a shell of rumours circulating your entire persona. Even after he left, you carried on without problems. After he left, you grew. You two changed without each other, yet both of you were stronger when together. You were titled a god while he was titled a prodigy, and prodigies are known to receive the gods’ favour. Perhaps he was the reason for your uprising, or maybe you were consumed by guilt. No, it was due to Dazai leaving with an unsaid goodbye and taking Oda’s last words within him alone.

It was because he was unknowingly selfish and obsessed with the thought of being a good person. He did not foresee your disappointment and your resentment when he did that, though. Nevertheless, he deserved it. Halting your steps and your thoughts, you realized something. This is bait, isn’t it? You pondered. He sent me his location, I know that place. Taking a hard left, you made sure you did not stand out compared to the rest of the cars. A favour from this man is most likely a request, clicking your tongue, you let your hands grip the steering wheel, The location is in an alleyway next to a damn bar out of all things. A bar, seriously? The wine I drink costs more than the entire establishment.

You departed from your car, fixing your coat with sharp, bored eyes. He still doesn’t have taste, does he? You were invisible when it comes to stealth, having been eliminating more than half of your target’s men without being seen. Moving swiftly, you spotted a slumped figure near the end of the darkened alleyway. The only source of light being the flickering enlightened sign of the bar, its words being too long for you to even care. “Dazai.” You voiced out, watching as the said man’s head snapped in your direction. He sent you an apologetic smile while his brown hair sways gently, noticing your fiery aggression towards the brunette. However, you did not make any move to help him with his predicament. Deadpanning, he shook his hands. Enclosed in handcuffs, to signify he needs help, although he is aware that you knew about it. “I hate you, you know that?” You whispered, and while he knew that it was genuine, he allowed himself to indulge in your presence despite the numerous words covered in hatred directed to him. “I am undeniably aware.” He smiled, again, this time, a smile covered in a melancholic, sincere and unfeigned penitence. “What is it that you want from me?” Instead of receiving an answer, you heard a chuckle from the detective, making you clench your fist in indiscernible anger. “It’s been so long, why skip the forma--” before he could utter his words, you appeared before him, making your fist and his stomach meet, while he let out a choked gasp at the sensation. “Fuck the formalities,” You whispered directly in his ear, and you heard a low moan coming from his mouth.

Placing a firm hand on his neck, he looked at you with half-lidded eyes and a wry smile on his face. “You got stronger.” He weakly muttered, and you made no move to respond. That is, for a few seconds. “What is it that you need from me?” You said, and he nearly smirked at the dominance in your voice. Alas, he sighed, unconsciously leaning to the hand entrapped on his neck. You made no move to stop him, opting to glare at the man instead of doing anything harmful. It was true that you resented him for what he has done, yet you knew your words and your body language speak more than violently beating him unconscious. Letting go of his neck, you deadpanned. “Speak.” You spoke sardonically, lightly slapping both his cheeks until he utters a word. He looked up, this time, a dumb smile on his face, “What happened to ‘I hate you'? Missed me that much, darling?” You let your smile falter, and you stood up. “Tell me what you need from me. Quit stalling.” I want to bash his head against the wall and stab him four times before throwing him out of the window. He lets out a cynical laugh at your behaviour, and you take his hair in your hands for a second. “Now, darling, tell me.” You emphasized the pet name, and his laugh faltered. Snapping your fingers, the handcuffs fell limp on the dirtied ground with a ‘clang!’ and Dazai had to rub his wrist due to the pain.

“You already know why I led you here, don’t you?” He asked after an uncomfortable, dead silence, and you whipped your piercing eyes to the ability user. “Nothing less from the Port Mafia’s Moloch, it seems.” He said, although you were able to decipher a hint of mockery enlaced in between his words. You clicked your tongue, muttering something indecipherable under your breath, and said, “This is bait, isn’t it?” You questioned, leaning back to the vandalized cement behind you. “I wonder why Fukuzawa sent you to get me.” You tauntingly remarked, “I wonder why you accepted my favour, hm?” he replied in return, and you narrowed your eyes before scoffing. “Don’t think much of it, now get in the car.” Directing your thumb to the end of the alleyway, the hallway littered with vandalism and filth on the floor, shattered bottles and burnt papers scattered on each side of the alleyway. He led himself out first, stretching his arms out and letting out a grunt at the pleasure. You swiftly went ahead of him, your coat slightly touching his at your arrival. “Drive the car. I didn’t waste my time driving for nothing.” You sternly said, each word piercing through Dazai’s chest, making him clutch his chest for dramatic effect. “You get bolder and bolder by the day, My Darling.” He voiced out, and you couldn’t help but grimace at the nickname. “Stop calling me ‘darling’, fucking overgrown potato sack.” You muttered the last part under your breath, opening the car door to the passenger seat, causing Dazai to widen his eyes in amusement and childish euphoria-- sparkles in his eyes and everything. You could feel the overflowing amazement he’s displaying, and you smirked amusedly at his behaviour, “Your car is amazing!” He gushed, looking at the sides and the exterior of your vehicle. “You will let me drive this?” He pointed to you, then to himself, then to your car.

Raising a brow, you realized that it wouldn't be a good idea for this manchild to drive your car. “On second thought,” You arrived at the driver’s seat, Dazai feeling obligated to sit beside you. “I’ll drive. You might crash the car.” You spoke, and Dazai deadpanned. “You really think that low of me, don’t you?” Scoffing in return, you started the car, an uncomfortable silence filling the air. With the fleeting light of the moon reflecting your irises, Dazai couldn’t help but stare at you rather than the view of Yokohama. It was nearing midnight, and his own chocolate-coloured eyes betrayed his own emotions, landing themselves on your figure, emanating equity familiar to the man. “The agency is not far from here,” You whispered, and Dazai snapped his irises from you to the window, your voice assuaging his worries.

And it hit you like a truck.

The four boys, living in your home, what are they doing now? It has been proven that they were worried about your safety in this city of crime and punishment, and you forgot about them. Why the fuck would you forget about them?

It’s not like they would disobey your orders, now would they?

You’re funny.

They weren’t used to this much hospitality, some even more so than others. Thoma was one of the more worried people, for he was accustomed to serving for whoever he had to. And this time, it was you. They all expected at least a warning before you went out, however, you neglected them for just a short while in hopes that leaving without a goodbye would help you save time; well, now you’re just overthinking. You gripped the steering wheel with such intensity, a vein popping at the side of your knuckle. It was unnoticed by Dazai, who was currently resting his cheek on the window, observing the city lights from inside the car. He made no move to talk, opting to stare outside, knowing that you didn’t prefer to talk to him. “Hey,” You spoke, watching as Dazai’s form jumped the slightest bit. It was no lie to you and to him that he was regretful for his actions, leaving you in a puddle of misery and sorrow, while he observes from behind you, with no hint of remorse for what he has done. He wasn’t the Dazai Osamu you once encountered, a naive boy willing to do whatever Mori gave him. He resented you for the reason that you pitied him as a new recruit and as an executive, but he can’t seem to hate you.

He found you interesting as time went by. He thought he pushed you to your limits for his own entertainment, only to be found being held in the same situation. You were more terrifying than the rumours came to be, and he needed to decipher you.

He couldn’t. Then, and now.

He found more reasons why you should have hated him. And to find beauty in your hatred adds on to the fact Dazai Osamu was absolutely, unquestionably, and patently captivated by you. And he hates it. He hates that he was able to feel human with you, knowing that he has made you feel less of a human when he left. It was his fault to let his guard down and be empathetic, and it was his fault for being a coward without thinking of the consequences. It was his fault for being selfish when all he could think about was to be a reputable person, the opposite of what he was during the Port Mafia. “Swan Lake?” You queried, voice allayed any hatred, and he couldn’t fathom the tranquil atmosphere in your vehicle. You hated him; hated him for what he stands for and hated him for betraying you and leaving with an unsaid goodbye, but a goodbye that pierced through your chest. You hated him for being Oda’s last person to talk to, and you hated him for leaving a subordinate who was broken beyond repair. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. For one to disagree is one who is foolish in mind and ignorant in morality, and you both knew that. “I don’t really like Tchaikovsky.” You nodded, “Brahms?” Querying, you awaited the answer from the brunette. He reclined on his chair, nodding. You let a chuckle slip past your lips, Dazai widening his eyes slightly from your voice. “Never knew you had good taste in classical music.” Now, it was his turn to chuckle. Reaching for the screen embedded in your car, you told him, “Search Brahms, would you?” He obliged, typing in ‘Brahms’, and picking the first song that was recommended to him. “Your taste in classical music has not changed ever since we met Fyodor.” He retorted, and you smiled. “Tchaikovsky and Bach? Too cliche for me.”

Dazai Osamu was never one for apologies, and you knew that quite well. However, you knew there was a lingering apology in his tone of voice when talking to you, yet you can’t quite forgive him. There is no yet, there is no ever. The spared minutes before arriving in the agency was spent discussing the remaining years you two never connected in whilst remaining civil. He applauded you for your calmness, yet he blamed himself for being a victim of his own mind. You parked your car near the agency, and shut the car off, while you both simultaneously got out, and fixed your coat. “Let’s go, the president is expecting me.” You reached out to your car, locking it. “You really are beautiful in the moonlight,” Dazai mumbled subconsciously, and you laughed a bit in return. “Not the time for your useless musings,” You waved him off, “Now go, I wouldn’t want to be caught in the dead of night.”

Stepping inside the office was dreadful, even more so as your eyes landed on the man you resented the most, Mori Ougai. Why was he here? You deduced that he was involved with the whole plan to bring you here, in the agency-- isn’t he an enemy? They probably went through another alliance for you to take the bait. Mori Ougai knows all your weaknesses, doesn’t he? It was the prime reason their plan succeeded. Mori’s information about you. “President,” A seemingly powerful voice entered your ears, however, you paid no mind to it. “Are you sure about this alliance?” He questioned, and the president remained silent. “Rest assured that the agency won’t fall due to this alliance. I’ve made sure of it.” Fukuzawa voiced out from behind Mori, and the latter smiled deviously in response. Dazai leaned his back to the cement, his quietness confusing the weretiger. The rest of the agency members did not bother to talk, absolutely awestruck at the appearance of the Port Mafia’s Moloch. They were not shocked at their existence, but mainly, their presence. Ranpo, however, simply stared at you with closed eyes. “W-wait,” Atsushi intervened, causing you to direct your gaze towards the albino. He jumped at your gaze, clearing his throat after. “Captain… Moloch…?” He trailed off, trying to figure out how to address you without being too embarrassed. Dazai broke out in small chuckles, while Kunikida silently scolds him for his behaviour. “[Name]. Call me [Name].” You replied swiftly, Atsushi nodding stiffly in response. However, he did not expect your next words. “Although, I do tend to go by ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’.” You winked and turned back to where Mori was situated, leaving an amused Yosano and a blushing Atsushi in your wake.

“Mr Mori.” You called out bitterly, distaste evident in your tone and on your face. “Yes, [Name]? He responded, with a sickly sweet smile you absolutely hated. Fukuzawa swiftly interrupts the conversation, “Do you know why we called you here?” Or, lured you here, but whatever. Fukuzawa questioned, and after some pondering, a comical lightbulb went off on top of you. “For protection, is it?” You answered, and Mori chuckled at your answer. As if he was proud of you, and you grimaced internally at your revelation. No man has proven worthy of your time and your patience, Mori being the least of your concerns and the bane of your being. He was a man shrouded in selfishness and baleful intent to those he crossed; and it is painfully ironic, that he was afraid of you, and of Dazai. He made you feel inhuman, a tool for him to use whenever he’d like and you realized this way before your upbringing, yet you stayed. Your loyalty to the Port Mafia shall never waver despite the man you hated with every pint of your blood was your superior.

“And I expect this… protection to be extreme?” You drew a circle with your pointer finger, signifying the alliance of the ADA and the Port Mafia. “Why both, though?” You could perfectly handle yourself-- you weren’t the Port Mafia’s Moloch for nothing. Having been titled the most remarkable prodigy in the Port Mafia, quickly surpassing regular recruits, and even passing Mori himself, you were a secret kept only for the Mafia alone. Not even low-ranking members have seen you or have witnessed your power. You were a rumour meant to be spread and not to be seen under any circumstance. So, why do you need protection? From the ADA too, no less. “This is not only for you, [Name], this is also for the Mafia and the Agency.” Fukuzawa sighed, “We also are targeted by the Hunting Dogs and the Decay of Angels,” Looking out of the window, Mori crossed his arms. “They have begun to target you and us for what you have done to Jouno Saigiku and Tecchou Suehiro,” Mori responded right after, and you sweatdropped at their statement. Well, you did kind of damage their internal organs a little, but hey! It was justifiable. “And the agency agreed to this alliance for what you have done to my members. If it weren’t for you, we would most likely be at a loss for ability users.” The president placed his hand on your head, a sign of thankfulness and recognition.

Call yourself dramatic, but that was a gesture you would never forget. “And Tachihara? Does he know about this?” You queried, even though you had an idea of his motives. He wasn’t that hard to read, anyway. Figuring out his true identity was far from difficult when it came to you, having been hinting at Mori about his double agent identity. You knew it would be impossible for him to achieve any sort of information from you, and it was evident that he knew absolutely nothing about you.

Why? Because you never engaged in any sort of conversation, Mafia-related or not, willingly. His transparency was the cause of his failure. Obviously, he would be on your tail for what you were rumoured for and your receipt of a track record. You were, undeniably, one of Japan’s most wanted in the country’s criminal history. “Why do you think so? He is blissfully unaware of all of this.” Mori chided, smiling cynically. “And I’d like to add, The Clown also wants you dead.” Nikolai Gogol? What did you do to him for you to land on his hit list? You only uttered a simple understanding of his morals, and the reaction you received was enough for you to realize his own personal motives. “So? What do you say, [Name]?” Fukuzawa asked, “If you decline, we won’t provide you any support nor help you in whatever predicament you put yourself in after your answer.” He stated seriously, although you could see an ounce of remorse in his metallic blue eyes.

Being guarded by the agency was a feat on its own, but you knew that if you would have accepted, they would find out about the group of men in your house, confused, and unknowingly putting their lives on the line for someone as dangerous as you. Negotiating with the president would most likely resort to futile attempts of trying to save those four men from their wrath because anyone who trusts you naively would inevitably die in your hands one way or another.

You want to accept, you want them to adapt quickly, however, who knew that the most probable solution was to allow them to meet your enemy?

God knows if Zhongli would remain civil with Fukuzawa if they met each other and if anyone in the ADA would really get along with the outlanders in your home. Sure, you could’ve just said no, however, there was an unabating thought far off in your mind that ushers you to entertain their idea. The potential discovery of your outlanders situated in your home was not much of a problem to you, at least, that’s what you think.

“Give me a moment.” You mumbled, retreating out of the office, leaving a regaled Mori Ougai with an equally bemused Fukuzawa Yukichi as a result.

Pondering will get you nowhere if you know the outcome. This protection provided to you was the culmination of your actions to the enemy of the Port Mafia and the ADA. Leading yourself to a secluded area in the agency, you reverted your gaze to the moonlight. It was an hour past midnight, and you were certain that the outlanders were asleep.

What do you do?

“Hey, [Naaame]! Long time no see!”

— 投票𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐋

𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒!

"Have you seen [Name]?!" Thoma shouted from the kitchen, causing Zhongli to jolt from his position on the couch. His book fell from his hands, and he lost the current page he was reading as a result. Sighing, Zhongli adjusted his glasses (which he got from you, after all your nagging to buy the ex-archon one). "I have not seen [Name] yet, do you think they were called for work?" He thought out loud, recalling your words to him a time ago. Although you would not elaborate on your position, he had an inkling that your work should not be shared with the public.

"We shouldn't look for them. That's the most rational action we should do when they're gone." Zhongli reminded the group, Childe pouting at his response. He wanted to look for you, and also look for potential enemies. He was vaguely aware of your occupation, due to their lack of information about your job. He does the same, either way; of course, he'd have an idea as to what you work for. "Wipe that look off your face, harbinger. We're not going out." The Yaksha scolded, and Childe sighed deeply in return. Thoma laughed awkwardly, "How about we just... Prepare something for them? It's late," He suggested, noting the acceptance of the trio before him. Zhongli perked up, unbeknownst to the rest of them, and started scheming in his archaic brain. You'd like to read books, right? Oh, what if you read all the books in your library? How about some tea...? You liked his tea, and you liked his stories.

Oh. Yeah, you'd enjoy him as he is.

A satisfied smile crept up to Zhongli's lips as he reclined on the couch, abandoning his book that he no longer had an interest in.

And thus began a chaotic mission to welcome you back properly.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀!

Ranpo talked to Atsushi after you flirted with him. The poor boy was still generating your response in his head.

Yosano likes you. It's a given; A powerful person and she can feel your hatred for Mori despite being the strongest Mafia member? Sign her up.

The four boys did not have a good time working together. But they had to do so in order to satisfy you like you did them!

Xiao was disappointed to see that you only had one pack of tofu in your kitchen. He tried to taste it and he didn't like it. He sulked for a solid 10 minutes in his room.

While you were away, Zhongli crept into your library and snatched 2 books about Norse mythology. He looks forward to talking to you about his discoveries when he drinks tea with you.

Childe, uncharacteristically, loves to watch your koi fish swim around in your little pond, and after you left, he silently thanked you for teaching him how to feed your fish properly.

Thoma and Childe have a great dynamic over the kitchen. When it comes to anything else they have a playful rivalry. (BATTLE OF THE MALEWIVES)

Mori could sense your distaste for him from across the room, and he tried his best not to deadpan at you; He proposed the alliance anyway. (why are you even looking at us u fucking frail Ass Bitch u will die soon)

Fukuzawa missed talking to you, believe it or not.

Chuuya and Koyou are the only Mafia members to be aware of the alliance. The Black Lizard, including Akutagawa, has no idea of the alliance whatsoever.

Tachihara sneezed when you talked about him. Teruko laughed at him after.

2021 © kachuuyaa. do not steal or claim my work as your own.

[heartate-aa]

bro raphael i can see u editing the doc rn im comparing it to the copy i made ur literally lying saying i ever suicide baited you or that i emotionally cheated on you you are literally. lying holy shit

like i can understand how throwaway “i wanna die” “i wanna kms” etc statements comes off that way but i was literally just fucking ?? venting my feelings and they were NEVER intended to ?? guilt trip you or anyone else like ??? i am black and white in my extremes of emotions and you know this from me struggling with my bipolar disorder. i go from one extreme to the next and it is NOT fair to criticize me in a spiraling breakdown and try to weaponize that as your proof that i was doing things maliciously to be awful. i see the way it comes across even though it wasn’t my intention. there’s literally just like, so many things that i just don’t understand it’s conveyed poorly when i don’t mean it that way and like... you as my boyfriend could have told me too. like, hold me accountable? instead of letting me eat shit and then lashing out when it was convenient for you. like i get that sounds rich for someone who could never speak up to you or tell you anything because i was too anxious so in part i don’t fault you for that but it’s NOT fair to twist things i did as being malicious. were they shitty? yes. did they come across really poorly? yes. were they hurtful? yes. but i don’t sit here and scheme raphael. you trying to paint me as evil by implying that i do that is just gross and a lie. i have done a lot of shitty things out of impulsivity and my lack of critical thinking or thinking in depth and that is 100% on me but it’s such a gross mischaracterization of me to try to say that i was, at any point, malicious. the fact that you’re editing all of this right now to continue to try to slander me just shows me that you are, indeed, not sorry, that any apology you littered into that doc means nothing and you don’t mean them and you’re just saying them to save face and the fact that you had to write “if sabrina wants me to apologize again i will” just speaks to your insincerity. give me a break dude

[risaonda]

The fact that you’re continually spreading false info about someone you haven’t had contact with in 5 years is disgusting. You’re welcome to dismiss their apology as insincere, but spreading misinformation is a different beast. You’re lucky they haven’t sued you for libel, considering you have no idea how they are these days.

hey look i actually remembered u shout out 2 tumblr for not getting rid of the number next 2 the inbox on desktop even tho i've seen these on mobile LMAO so here's ur Genuine Response

first of all, point me to the latest instance of me saying literally ANYTHING about them. also elaborate for me what "false info" ur talking about pretty please with a cherry on top <3 because nothing that i've said irt the shit i put up with from them is false just because it upsets u that some random person online that u apparently idolize, based on how u are here in my inbox having a complete fucking meltdown, has hurt people. sorry u are so pressed, this is absolutely not normal. i can't imagine what kind of freak u need to be to go to random strangers' inboxes going "ur lucky ur abuser doesn't sue u for talking about ur abuse" like i think that u should maybe log off or just completely remove urself from this situation which has literally no bearing on u

this entire message is just. idk where to even start. i don't think they're the only one ever saying anything about me, i don't think i've ever said or even implied as much. idk where that thought even came from. their weirdo friends and fans used to come into my inbox all the time, anon and not, like hello?? also i love that this is worded in a way implying u are responding directly to me. like this is a reply to something that i said today. what are these messages in response to beloved bc between u and me, u are the only one that seems to know

my blog is easy to find because i have made sure it is easy to find and i have never made it difficult to find me anywhere. i've literally said so many times in the past that i would so much rather people see my blog than most other bullshit places people go to when it comes to finding information for this specific situation, because i am actually involved and every other place people get information is some stupid drama site full of people who have never even so much as Spoken to them. my blog is literally intentionally easy to find. hello.

"since they're all you fucking talk about" again: WHEN is the last time i actually did talk about them, genuinely, bc i couldn't even tell u. recently i think i've just been talking about movies i'm watching, actually, so i think u are maybe just obsessed with a situation that has literally fuck all to do with u and u are mad as fuck for no recognizable reason whatsoever. like u are creating a problem with me in ur own mind and freaking the fuck out about it. but stay mad i guess dude i literally don't even know u LOL

i haven't lied about their apologies and i don't think i've ever even said they never apologized, at least not as like. a flat point blank statement. "we all saw the screenshots" really got me too because like my god...who do u think POSTED the screenshots. what are u

they have offered completely meaningless "sorry"s in the past that were followed immediately by them continuing the behavior they were apologizing for. now maybe i'm just crazy but i think saying sorry for something and then doing the same thing over and over and over is not really an apology. that's what i mean whenever i criticize the "apologies" they so desperately hang onto in order to avoid any accountability for their actions. like idk how else to say it this really is not a difficult concept to grasp and i cannot believe i even need to say this. i cannot believe this is not the first time i'm even saying this. have u actually looked at anything i've said or are u making this all up as u go and handling ur frustration with that based on how u think everything's gone?

this message is my favorite one bc it really just blows me away. this one makes me convinced that u think i'm someone else instead of like...me. like what are u talking about. when have i ever done any of this. u are insane

"change according to my standards or i'll continue spreading lies about you" when the reality of all of this is i am and have literally only ever been saying "hey i think taking actual accountability for their actions is like. necessary."

if they are trying to do better that means acknowledging they have done things they need to work on and be better about. sorry that my standards aka "stop ur cycle of abuse so as not to hurt more people, be honest about this, and don't continue harming those u already have hurt" are too high, but also i literally don't give a shit or fuck. if that's asking too much then ur not a changed person, full-stop.

i think what is so funny abt people like u is if they have really and truly have changed and they are growing as a person and bettering themself, i think the very LAST thing in the world they would want is some random freak online going after the people they're supposedly trying to repair things with. like literally what are u doing here if not trying to just make my perception of them significantly worse? this is for u

[versdan]

Better Than That II (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

summary:  You knew it wasn’t your place to say anything or judge but you did it in the sake for love

A/N: okay hi! Hello! Firstly, part 1 of this fic, I got amazing feedback (which warmed my heart wow thanks y’all) and a lot of requests for part 2. So!! Here’s part two as requested!

Secondly, I wanna say a quick thank you to my babe Rae, @buckyssoul , for beta reading and helping me with ideas on how part two should go 🥺💞 ur an absolute angel and i love u! I hope you guys enjoy & sorry for any typos! requests are open!

pairings: Bucky Barnes x F! Reader

please don’t plagerize/repost my work! x

Part 1

———

You sat in your room, chugging down the bottle of champagne you had taken before leaving the party earlier that night. You didn’t know whether you had the right to feel angry at Bucky. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything in the first place.

No, fuck that. All you were trying to do was to protect Bucky from who he was seeing and he obviously didn’t like that. You tried being a good friend and it obviously backfired which only made you more upset towards yourself for spitting out anything in the first place.

There was a knock at your room door and you contemplated whether or not to get up and answer it. Groaning, you got up once you heard another knock on the door, this time a little bit harder.

You shuffled slowly to the door, feeling a bit dizzy from how quickly you got up. You prayed it wasn’t Bucky, as you were in no state of mind to face him but another part of you wished it was him so you can tell him what you think.

Opening the door, you see Natasha standing there as you let out a sigh. “Why hello there beautiful, care to join me?” You smiled at her, lifting up the bottle of champagne in your other hand as you leaned against the door.

Nat rolled her eyes at you as she pushed passed you and sat on your bed. “What happened between you and Barnes?” She asked, as you looked back at her, sighing and closing the door.

“Oh ya know, just a happy conversation of how life is and what the weather is like and-“ you started but Natasha cut you off . “(Y/N). Cut the shit. We all saw you walk out while Buck just sat at the bar wallowing”

You sighed, going to sit next to her. “I tried to warn him” you started, placing the bottle of champagne onto the floor next to you. 

“Warn him about what?” She asked, turning to face you. 

“Jessica. She just sleeps with whoever she can and plays games with these guys and just drops them like nothing. I couldn’t let him go through that. I care too much for him, Nat, you know this” you looked to her with sadness in your eyes, pleading for her to understand 

Natasha sighed. She knew how strong your feelings were for him and it only pained her to see you like this. She remembers when you would cry to her about how much it irked you to see him with other girls but you knew you wanted him to be happy and didn’t want to ruin that for him. 

Natasha pulled you in for a side hug, letting you rest your head on her shoulder before you leaned down to grab the bottle of champagne. You offered it to her and she took the bottle, taking a swig before handing it over to you. 

“I want you to know, if he got mad at you for trying to help him out, then fuck him. Bucky doesn’t realize how good of a friend you truly are and how much you care for him. Someone will find that more attractive than a girl who plays too many games” Nat said as you took a drink from the bottle and looked up at her. 

“Thanks Nat” you smiled softly, turning to your other side and turning on the tv in front of you both, putting on a random movie to help get your mind off of things.

-

Bucky sat at the bar, with his head in his hands. Letting out a sigh, he knew he’d fucked up. He began to wish to have gone with his gut instinct to ask you out instead of letting you go on continuous dates with dudes who were no good for you. 

Taking a swig of his beer, Sam came up next to him clearing his throat. “I don’t want to hear it right now, Wilson” Bucky spoke to him as Sam just placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Fine, I won’t say ‘I told you so’ but let me say this,” Sam started as Bucky gave him a sharp look, not wanting to hear any quick witty remarks from him. “You may want to think about who’s really worth fighting for” he finished, looking across the room while motioning for Bucky to follow his gaze. 

Bucky turned in his stool to see Jessica laughing loudly, surrounded by three guys. She turned to the guy on her left placing a hand on his chest as she continued to laugh and leaned into him. Anger started to boil inside Bucky. It’s one thing to act flirty with guys but it’s another to do it at his friends party infront of everyone.

Just when he thought it was just flirting, she leaned into the guy and placed a kiss onto his lips as Bucky just sat there shocked. Placing his beer down, he shot up out of the stool and made his way over to them. Sam was following behind him, incase anything were to get out of control. 

Walking up to the both of them in mid-makeout session, he cleared his throat causing them both to pull apart and look at Bucky. Jessica’s eyes grew wide as she pushed the guy off her. 

“Oh my gosh! Bucky, I swear it’s not what it looks like! He just started kissing me and-“ Bucky stopped her by raising his hand

“I saw the whole thing from the bar. I don’t need you to lie right to my face” he said as her shocked expression dropped to a smirk. 

“Well, I think I’ve got what I want out of this” Jessica said, motioning between the both of them. ”Now why don’t you go follow your little friend (Y/N)? She seems like she could use  your consult” she smirked, with a sinister twinkle in her eye.

“And what did you get out of this? A name for yourself? Your ego boosted?” Bucky said, feeling his face heat up from both anger and embarrassment that people started to turn towards them. The guys who were next to Jessica decided to leave as they felt the tension grow. Jessica reached out to the guy who she kissed, pulling him back towards her. 

“When I get the opportunity to get what I want, I do it, Buck. Sorry you were the one who had to be it” she said insincerely, patting his chest and walking off with the guy next to her. Bucky just stood there. 

“Oh! And by the way” Jessica said, turning to face both Bucky and Sam.  They turned to look at her with annoyance that she was still there. “Tell (Y/N) that you're all her’s to play with now” she smirked before walking out of the room with the guy. 

“Buck, are you-“ Sam started, looking to Bucky but he interrupted him by walking off. He didn’t know which emotion to feel first. Embarrassed at the fact this happened at one of Stark’s parties, sad that he didn’t see any mixed signals in the beginning of the relationship, and more angry at himself for blaming you, thinking you were lying about Jessica’s intentions. 

He blamed you when he knew it was wrong and that only made him angrier at himself. Bucky walked over to the elevator, pressing the button to go up. He wanted to punch something to let out the anger that was seeping over inside of him but he knew better not to punch a wall. Tony would in fact kill him for ruining anything in the tower. 

Once the elevator doors opened, Bucky stepped inside and pressed the floor he knew your room was on. On the way up, he tried to create a speech to apologize to you. It would range from “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you” to “you were right about Jessica, she was playing me” and finally to “I’m so in love with you that I fucked up by choosing the wrong person”. 

The elevator doors opened and he walked down the hall towards your door, which he stood in front of for a good minute debating on knocking or not. Maybe I should just walk away and give her time, he thought. No, I have to tell her I’m sorry and make things right. 

Knocking on the door, he let out a shaky breath nervous as to what your reaction would be. Once the door opened, he was surprised to see Nat standing there giving him a sharp look. 

“She doesn’t want to see you, Barnes” she said, quickly which made him feel even worse. Bucky saw a hand go onto her shoulder as she looked next to her quickly before looking at Bucky and stepping back. You took her spot, looking down at the floor and then back up at him. 

“Are you going to say something or just stand there?” You asked him, already wanting this to be over with. 

“C-can I come in for this?” Bucky asked, his speech immediately wiping from his memory as his palms started to sweat. 

“No. We’re going to talk like this and if you’re not up for that, then you can gladly get back to Jessica” You spat out softly as you crossed your arms over your chest, staring at Bucky. Bucky was a bit taken back at what you just said but he knew he shouldn’t be surprised because it was what he deserved. 

“I actually, uh-” he started but stopped to clear his throat “Well, she was kissing someone else at the party and basically told me she used me to get whatever she wanted. You were right about her” he finished, looking from the ground and then back up to you. 

Letting out a scoff, you looked away. After everything tonight of being blamed for causing him distress about being happy in a relationship, you knew you were right about her. But why does it hurt you to see him like this in the slightest?

“That wasn’t hard to believe, especially since it happened right in front of you, now was it?” you said, giving him another sharp look as he let out a pained breath.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come at you for making that sort of accusation when in fact, you were right about her. She couldn’t fill the spot that I wanted you to take, anyways. I picked the wrong girl to be with, and in the end and it came back to bite me in the ass” he said, looking at you with pleading eyes, hoping you would forgive him. But you weren’t letting go of this that easily.

“Bucky, I don’t want to be your ‘second choice’ girl. We both had the opportunity and we missed it. If you ‘loved’ me and truly wanted me to be in the spot you chose Jessica over me for, then it would have happened.” You sighed, this was getting to be too much for your champagne pickled brain. “We’re both better off separated” you finished, truthfully. You knew deep down you cared for this kid with every fiber in your being but after tonight, it wavered. You’re always going to love Bucky, but you wanted to be someone who your significant other would fight for, not step over. 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a movie to get back to. Goodnight, Bucky” you said, stepping back giving him one last look before shutting your door completely. Leaning against the closed door, you let out a breath you had been holding in and looked at Nat who was standing by the bed giving you a reassuring smile. You smiled softly back, before you made your way over to her and she engulfed you into a hug.

Bucky stood outside of your door, not knowing what to do next. He feels as if he had lost you for good and this only made his anger come back towards himself, accompanied by an immense chest hollowing sadness. He’s made some dumb decisions in his life but tonight, this had topped all of those. Had he only told you that he loved you to begin with, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. But everything happens for a reason. If it is meant to be, things will mend but for now, the bond is broken.

———

feedback is appreciated!

taglist for part 2: @ladywintersoldat @isabellaopwsoa @itsjaybro16 @easygoingtheatre @lilylove1322 @katzuh @vexxybexxy-blog @prepareforsomestrangethings​ 

[aftqrglow]

hey uh im kinda new to the marvel fandom and since ur a marvel blog i was wondering if u know why people ✨hate✨ jeremy renner?? ive googled it but got nothing everyone just seems to strongly dislike him and i feel kinda behind but i wanna know why :/

tw// slut-shaming, guns, domestic abuse, divorce. also includes black widow and endgame spoilers

people have their reasons for hating Clint Barton—Renner's character. And while Hawkeye in the comics is arguably one of the best characters, the MCU erased basically everything that made him a good character and instead gave him what seems to be his one and only personality trait—the fact that he is a family guy. Clint in the comics was deaf, had severe depression, along with many other traits that made him a very relatable character. There are also instances of him using sign language to communicate. However, Whedon erased all of that and instead, the most interesting thing about him was that he had a secret hidden family—which was also the argument they used to justify why Natasha sacrifices herself to get the soul stone, when it was revealed in the black widow that Nat had not just one, but two families. That is also what frustrates me the most—the fact that Natasha, being such an interesting, dynamic character with well-defined relationships and an actual personality, got killed, while Hawkeye's character survived. There is also the fact that he takes on the role of Ronin with no explanation whatsoever in Endgame. Clint in the comics is funny, he has an actual personality. MCU Clint, however, is depicted as more of a side-character with no personality, who is more used for people to project their power fantasies on to.

If you're talking about Jeremy Renner, the actor—there are a lot of controversies surrounding him. Among various other things, he put a gun in his ex-wife's mouth and threatened to kill her, and fired said gun while his daughter was asleep in the next room. He also severely disliked his character, to the extent where he admitted to faking heart attacks on the set to prompt the directors into killing his character off. He also slut-shamed black widow's character, in an interview, calling her a "slut" and a "complete whore" and then proceeded to issue a completely insincere apology. Later, in another interview he goes on to say, "Now, mind you, I’m talking about a fictional character and fictional behavior, but Conan, if you slept with four of the six Avengers, no matter how much fun you had, you’d be a slut. Just saying. I’d be a slut."

[bagels-and-seagulls]

You still have any thoughts about the enemies to lovers au? We left off at a pretty fraught moment

what a fraught moment indeed. i thought i could take after druck and just leave everyone hanging for news, but unlike druck, i actually came back bis bald wtf does that mean bitch anyways

more enemies to lovers au

Sara sends Matteo a voice message early in the evening, and it takes Matteo an hour, two beers, and a joint to work up the courage to open it. 

“Hey, Matteo. I- uh, I just wanted to say, that like, I was really shitty when I- well, you know. And I wanted to say that I’m sorry, and that I wasn’t thinking about- about you and like, what that would do to you. And that was- just really shitty I guess. I hope you can forgive me... Okay, that’s it. Bye.” 

She sounds sad, like she was on the verge of tears almost, and Matteo felt something mean and angry sink into his skin that made him want to scream, made him want to throw something, and say some choice words that wouldn’t be appreciated by anyone involved. He wanted to send something back that was loud and biting that said i don’t believe you, that said fuck off, that said oh, now you’re sorry?, that said you’re only saying it because David’s got involved. what about me? why weren’t you sorry when it was just me? why am I second place to my own feelings?

He didn’t though, send any of those messages. He left her on a read, even though it took all of his power to not send something back that gave her the message that he wasn’t interested in her apology, not now, not when he didn’t think there was anything genuine in it. 

Leonie messaged him, too. Twice over instagram of all places, even though he vaguely remembers that he has her number from when Sara’s phone died one time they were out and Sara demanded that he text Leonie with some slurring in her words to meet them at some place and was able to rattle her number off from the top of her head. 

sorry for outing youi would take it back if i could

Matteo did respond to those because there was something chilling taking over his hands and his fingers, making him start to shake all the way down to his knees, and red was blurring the edges of his vision, filled with rage and frustration and something else entirely. Disbelief, maybe. Insult, most likely. 

fuck off, he types out fast and sends it, seeing that she reads it immediately. He watches her start typing, and then stop, and then start again. 

can we talk? She asks, and starts talking again. i kno that sara wants to talk

And Matteo starts messaging back so fast that he wasn’t even looking at the letters anymore. 

i dont give a fcuki have nothing to say to uor heru had months to apolgizur only doing this bc of davidand i dont give a shit about ur insincere apologiesso jsut fuck off and leave me alone

He opens his chats with David and ignores the sweet and smiley messages that had been sending each other over the weekend, when they looked at today filled with promise and hope for starting something that would end up tasting like a hot fudge Sunday or marshmallows melted by the fire. He starts typing out some messages, but deletes them just as quickly to start something else, just as bitter and sour sounding as the last one, until he settles on the movie was good too bad u werent there.

And David comes online as soon as he hits send, and it takes him a second to start typing. 

can I come over? 

For a second, Matteo almost wants to say no, he can’t, that he didn’t want to see him right now, just to be a little bit of a jerk, but there was another part of him that wanted to fight right now, wanted to scream a little and make a scene with someone there to watch, wanted to show his anger in more than a couple of texts with bad spelling. So he sends his address and throws himself into his chair and lights up another blunt while he waits. 

It doesn’t take too long for David to get there, not long at all, and after a few minutes, Hans is pushing his door open to stick his head in. “Butterfly, there’s someone here to see you?” He asks with a sad little smile like David might have already spilled the reason why he was here, and for some reason, it makes Matteo angrier, makes his hands start shaking just a little bit at the thought that David is telling his business to everyone in hearing range. 

“Yeah,” he says through gritted teeth, and Hans frowns a little bit. 

“I’ll be right across the hall, okay?” He says like it’s a question, though it was more of a reminder and walks away, leaving the door open enough for him to see David standing there behind him with his hands shoved in his coat pockets and his shoes still on. 

“Hey,” David greets as he pushes the door closed behind him. 

Matteo doesn’t say anything, just stares at David and takes a drag of his mostly finished joint. 

“So, I, uh-” 

“Talked to Leonie and Sara? I know,” Matteo interrupts. “They messaged me. Apologizing.” 

“Leonie says you told her to fuck off,” David says with a tilt of his head, and it looks like he’s trying desperately to keep his face neutral, even though Matteo was making no such attempt. 

“Yeah,” he says and takes another drag. “I don’t want her fucking fake apologizes.” 

“They’re not fake,” David responds, still trying to keep his face blank, though his mouth kept quirking to the sides like it was getting more difficult.

Matteo scoffs and gets up to stub out the joint in a mug with the others. “Yeah, right,” he starts. “If they were sorry, and I mean for real, they would’ve fucking reached out months ago.”

David looks like he was feeling a little defensive all of sudden. “They just didn’t understand-”

“Oh, don’t give that bullshit! They understood just fine what they were doing, and the only reason that they’re even fucking saying sorry now is because you got involved. They’re not fucking sorry for what they did. They’re sorry that you’re mad at them,” Matteo interrupts and throws an arm out towards him. 

“Well someone had to get involved,” David spits out. “And you weren’t going to do anything about it.” 

“Fuck you,” Matteo spits out. “This was none of your fucking business. You had no fucking right to get involved. You weren’t even here when this happened!” 

“Sorry for giving a shit then! Jesus!” David throws his arms out, and takes his hat off to tug at the strands of his hair. 

“If you gave a shit, you would have asked what I wanted before you went out- fucking- I don’t know,” Matteo says and scratches at his face. “Airing my dirty laundry or some shit.” 

“I didn’t air your laundry or whatever,” David argues, looking a little less angry and a little more tired. “I went up to them and asked if they sent the video. And they both were like of course not, we wouldn’t do anything like that. And I said that’s good because it’s a fucking shitty thing to do and that I felt awful all week because of it and that I had to leave my last school because some asshole outed me and, fucking, ruined my life there. I told them it fucking sucks when someone tells something that you weren’t ready to tell and how about the kids there laughed at me, and stared at me, and asked me shitty fucking questions all the time. And that, you came over when the video came out and were there for me and are really sweet to me. And it’s good to have people support you.” 

And Matteo looks at him for a minute, trying to read the way that David was holding his gaze like he was serious, and exhausted, and something else mixed in there that seemed a little sad. “You said all that?” Matteo asks. 

“A little more eloquently the first time, I hope,” David says with a shrug. 

“Oh,” Matteo says, feeling like he was simmering out a little bit.

“I didn’t tell them to apologize or anything,” David says, stepping closer to Matteo and reaching out to gather up his hand that was still scratching along his jaw and down his neck as Matteo was trying to look at the puzzle now with a new piece. 

"Oh,” Matteo repeats, and David sways closer just a little bit. “I still-,” he starts and stops again. 

David hums and starts playing with Matteo’s fingers so they have something to do instead of creeping into his hairline and tugging. 

“I still don’t want to talk to them,” Matteo breathes out. “I’m not ready to... to forgive them. I guess.” 

“That’s okay,” David says quietly, and Matteo leans into his space to rest his face against his neck. “That’s okay, Teo,” he repeats and wraps an arm around Matteo’s back. “You don’t ever have to be ready if you’re not.” 

“Sorry for yelling at you,” Matteo says. “I just feel.. I don’t know.”

“I get it a little. I feel I don’t know sometimes, too.”

“And what do you do? When you feel like that?” Matteo asks and hugs him in close. 

David cards his fingers through Matteo’s hair, and it feels too nice for this moment, it feels like something out of, feels like they were being sprinkled in powder sugar even though the words they were just throwing at each other were dosed in gasoline, just ready to ignite at any moment. “I run away, just try to escape the whole world and never come back.”

“I don’t want to run away anymore,” Matteo mutters and clenches onto David’s elbow. 

“I don’t either,” David responds, running his nose down his side of Matteo’s temple. 

Matteo sighs into it. “We were supposed to go on our first date,” he says. 

“Yeah,” David says, and Matteo can feel the movement of his lips on his cheek. “How about we just take a nap now and try again in the morning?” 

“A new leaf.” 

[madrut16]

Day 13: Can’t Do Both

Author’s Note: I know people aren’t the biggest fan of naming fics after songs but, I felt that this one fit perfectly even though the positions are reversed. This fic is my headcanon for why Bryce and my mc wouldn’t necessarily be official yet even after a year of seeing each other. This is set before my first fic about them uring Ally’s suspension from Edenbrook. Also, this fills my need for my MC’s to have at least one bad thing in their backstory. Hopefully, you like it! If you want to be tagged in my future fics for them, please let me know and I will do that. 

Book/Pairing: Open Heart (Bryce x MC)

Rating: PG-13

Summary:  Bryce finally gives Ally an ultimatum about the nature of their relationship and she makes her choice hoping that it isn’t too late to fix the hurt she caused. 

@endlesshero1122 @fortunatelywaywardsandwich @choices97 @oandstories @minion-on-board @lovingangelsmile 

Song: Can’t Do Both by Ingrid Andress https://open.spotify.com/track/6J6TFz0DLTFLo8UYzlvn6W?si=Bn2wPaDnQ0W7336QFPpNMQ

Ally had messed up, big time. Her nerves threatened to make her combust as she stood outside Bryce’s apartment. The details of their last words exchanged before he proceeded to give her the silent treatment replayed in her mind for the hundredth time since it happened. 

“Is that all I am to you?”

Bryce’s words still cut deep, but she deserved them. She had suddenly felt impossibly warm underneath his piercing stare, so full of disappointment and hurt. It was never meant to be anything more than friends with benefits between them, she wasn’t ready for a relationship and he was fine with it.

Until feelings got in the way for both of them. 

While he had gotten on board with that progression she continued to hold back. One minute she was opening up to him, saying maybe she was ready to take things to the next level and the next, she shut herself off and backtracked on the idea. For months now she’d been stringing him along for the ride and it had finally caught up with her. 

The heated discussion was all she could think about, how the lighthearted, confident personality she had come to love about him had been replaced with a much more serious version that only a select few ever got to see. So she knew even before his ultimatum that he was fed up with her indecisiveness.

“Of course not,” she answered when he asked the question, leaning up against the metal shelf behind her. “But, it’s not that simple. I--”

He cut her off. “Save it, Ally, I know. I’ve been patient and I want to take this slow too. But, I’m tired of not knowing where we stand period. You need to figure out what it is you want. Now.”

“Bryce--”

“No. Say that you want this or don’t. I can handle either one. But, I need to know which. I can’t just keep getting my hopes up when all you do is tear them back down again. I’ve dealt with that for practically my whole life back home,” he told her, the sudden bitterness sharp as a scalpel. “I don’t need that from you too.”

She had lowered her head, gaze fixed on the linoleum floor. A million responses floated in her brain but they all sounded cheezy and insincere with some excuse about her trust issues mixed in. So, she didn’t voice them because she knew that it would only worsen things.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered instead.

“Are you?” he accused, a light scoff displaying his doubtful attitude. 

Normally he was so positive that it caught her off-guard. 

Her brows furrowed. She never apologized so, when she did, she meant it. “Yes! I know I have...issues...that I haven’t addressed properly. And I know that I’ve hurt people because of it. You’re not the first person you know. You’re just...”

She trailed off. 

Bryce tilted his head, his jaw clenched tight. “Just what Ally?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it, the slim moment of confidence vanishing. “Nothing.”

She couldn’t get the words, the feelings out. That immense fear and mistrust latched onto her heart once more, the one that kept getting her into trouble.

“See, you’re doing it now,” he stated loudly, rolling his eyes in frustration. “I wish you would just let me in Ally. Whatever happened to you, whoever the idiot was who hurt you, I am not him. So let me prove it to you for god sakes. And until you make up your mind, till you tell me what you want and actually stick to it, we need to stop seeing each other. For my sanity.”

His tone was clipped and before Ally could even muster a response, he was already leaving the supply closet. 

“Bryce...,” she exclaimed to no avail and he slipped out anyway. “Bryce, wait!”

But he was gone and she wasn’t sure that she would get him back, that despite his promising dialogue that it was already too late to save the best thing she had in years. 

Maybe ever. 

That’s how she ended up here, running through the pouring rain to travel the four blocks to his place having made her decision. She just hoped that he was ready to listen to her tell it, that he would believe that she was really done lying about how she felt. 

Swallowing down a lump that had formed in her throat, Ally set down the box she was holding, freeing her right hand to knock on the door. Her eyes wandered over the entire hallway, examining every minute crack in the wallpaper until she heard the door partially open and her breath caught in her throat. And suddenly, those eyes were on hers again. 

“Bryce,” she said in surprise, as he raised his eyebrows at her sopping wet clothing. “Wasn’t sure if you would even answer.”

She could tell that even after a week apart that he was still apprehensive and she didn’t blame him. “What do you want?”

“To apologize, which I don’t do that often.” Ally sighed before continuing. “Almost never actually. You were right, I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that, especially since you’ve given me no reason to. You don’t deserve that and I’m really sorry.” 

She silently cursed at herself as the carefully planned out speech she had prepared turned into a rambling mess. 

He began to soften to her, but the resistance wasn’t leaving completely either. “Is that all?”

She shook her head. “No. I also came here to give you your answer.”

Another heavy breath of air came gushing out as the familiar signs of fear encased her. The uncomfortable warmth, sweaty palms, and her heart hammering like a drum in her chest all present. But, this time, instead of letting it conquer her, she pushed past it. 

Biting her lip, she said, “I know what I want, and that’s you...us. You are the best thing that’s happened to me and I would be stupid to throw that away. I’ve known that for a while too, I just, I didn’t want to believe it.” She felt the tears on the back of her eyelids and paused, the urge to resist it palpable. Swallowing, she pressed on and let the words and the emotion that came with it out. “Because the last time I did, I was dumped the day before we were supposed to get married. I was left with an expensive wedding dress and a text message saying that our whole relationship was a mistake, that he didn’t think he loved me after all.”

The confession hit Bryce like a ton of bricks. “Ally...is that really...I had no idea.” Through the blurriness of tears, she took in his now guilt-ridden expression. “No wonder you’re so scared of love. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard--”

She stopped him. “--No, don’t. You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to. I don’t want almost anyone to know. And I’m not done yet.”

He closed his agape lips and regarded her silently. 

“It’s not loving that I’m afraid of, it’s of being lied to again, of not receiving that love back. And so I kept people at arm's length because it was easier to believe that every guy I met was a flight risk and to break their hearts before they could shatter mine.” Her gaze found his once more and she held it. “Until I met you. Suddenly I felt myself secretly hoping that you would be the one to prove me wrong. To make me believe again that I too could find the happily ever after my parents did.”

Ally wiped at the black streaks on her face, not quite able to rid herself of her desire to hide her emotions completely. 

“And that just terrified me,” she continued. “Made me worry that I was only setting myself up for disappointment all over again. But, that doesn’t excuse what I did to you. Because I’ve just been doing the same thing he did to me and that’s not okay.” She looked down at the gray carpet, his gaze becoming her Kryptonite once more. “So, here I am, if you even still want me here.”

Her words came out barely a whisper and her whole body shook from irrational dread. 

She braced herself for his response and was relieved when she felt his strong arms wrap around her tightly. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that. Of course, I do, Ally. I couldn’t stay mad at you even if I tried.”

“Thank you, for not giving up on me. You had every right to,” she responded. She pulled away slightly so that she could see his expression. 

He gave her a signature lopsided smile, one she hadn’t seen in forever. “I wouldn’t be Bryce Lahela if I didn’t. I mean my job is to literally put people back together,” he boasted lightly and she failed at containing a small laugh. “Seriously, Ally, I’ll always be here for you. I promise.”

“You do really know how to cheer me up,” she replied, a tearful smile spreading. 

Then, his eyes fell to the discarded box on the floor. “Um, what’s that?”

Following his inquisitive gaze, she gasped and let go for him to go grab it. 

“Oh, this?” She shrugged sheepishly. “It’s my way of making things up to you. Whenever I had a fight with my siblings, our parents made the instigator do this for the others afterward. I know family isn’t a pleasant topic for you but, it’s a little custom I’m used to so...”

Bryce examined its contents and his smile grew. “I think I can live. Just because I didn’t have the best childhood doesn’t mean I’m bothered by good memories of others.” A few seconds later, he looked up at her his face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Wait, is this...?”

“Yep, every Hitchcock movie on DVD,” she confirmed. “And the biggest bag of Gourmet Chicago style popcorn I could get my hands on.”

He whistled appreciatively, rocking on his heels. “You really pulled out all the stops, that must’ve been pricey.”

“Oh, it was my wallet was not happy. But, you’re worth it. Plus, I suddenly have a lot of time on my hands due to this suspension. I take it this means that you...like it?”

He answered with a kiss. “Like it? Ally, it’s perfect. And, it’s a good thing my roommate isn’t home, because I already have the first choice in mind.”

Her grin widened. “That is fantastic because I cannot wait to get out of these wet clothes.”

“And I’m looking forward to helping you out of them,” he quipped raising an eyebrow mischievously.

She groaned at his obviously suggestive comment but followed him inside more at peace than she had been in weeks taking this as a sign that things were finally turning around for her. 

[ncjswnnskdoekdmenns]

hi i was the anon from yesterday (?) the one who called u cute reading ur posts now i realize it might’ve sounded like i was being insincere but i promise i didn’t have ill intent, i was being genuine but i really do apologize if it didn’t come across that way

no it didnt!! this is why i dont turn anon off because i know people have good intentions and are just shy. i just dont like anons who come in with bland wording and make a joke about me and i dont know how to respond if that makes sense fuck idk im tired im going to bed but ilu its perfeftlu fine i didnt think that❤️

[keyakyut]

my suicide letter in case i don’t have the courage to address one someday

i guess i'll start this by saying hello

okay. i tried. i tried really really hard. i'm pretty sure i did. it is just that one day when i woke up, i couldn’t handle and bear everything anymore. i honestly tried, i swear. There have been days when i attempted doing those things but i keep failing, maybe because i was half-hearted back then or scared or still had tiny little hope with me, been pulling this off and on, but today, it seemed like i can do it. it's now or never. this is a perfect time -the time when everything doesn’t matter anymore.

honestly, i don’t really know what to say, especially that I’m abt to end my life in a few hours or so. it feels like I can’t think clearly and straight anymore. i’m truly sorry if i’m just going to die, without leaving anything that anyone will be happy about. what i mean is, dying without achieving anything or making anyone happy or saving anyone or contributing to the society. nothing at all, it’s sad right? please accept my apologies if I wasted my life being worthless. i've been nothing more than a piece of shit useless daughter, sister, relative, friend... or let's just say a useless trash with everyone.

i wanted to have this “last walk” or “last meaningful conversation” that everyone calls, but i didn’t even have the energy to do any of it. such a pathetic human being. yup, P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

i know that u want an answer to this question

“why did she kill herself?”

such an unavoidable question, i guess haha. i was forced to live a life that is very lonely and painful. life easily falls apart when u make a mistake during ur early days and so on, like u cannot undo anything. i was living my life with a lot of regrets. it is indeed difficult to keep going in this direction. it feels like all of my goals already came to an end. i really tried my best but nothing worked. maybe everyone will say “it’s not too late, there’s no age in achieving your dreams”. well, let me say u're not me to look it that way. i fought for it, i fought for the life i want to live on, but.. i just suddenly ran out of energy. i can't take this anymore.

i lost my purpose, or maybe i didn’t have any from the beginning? it just hurts and lonely to be me. i am incapable of fixing anything, including myself ofc. i don’t know when will everything be okay or will everything be okay and when will i be okay. Every day felt dull and blank as I keep on living. every day seemed drab and empty. i despised myself so much. it seemed as though i have this destructive relationship with my head and body that I desperately wished i could end it. imagine being me, imagine looking at me every time in the mirror and waking up everyday as me. THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY OUT. i tried. i tried to love myself and be optimistic and all, but i just couldn't do it. There’s no getting better. every single thing that used to bring me joy no longer does. i was just a piece of shit who does nothing but takes up space and bothers everyone. what's more? no words reach me anymore. they feel empty, insincere, and fake. i can’t be comforted, i think everything is bullshit.

i have been suffering depression for so long but no one ever notices it. i tried just like i always do but pls let me rest now. let me just give up. im fucking exhausted. i’m ready to leave this world fr. 

i’m not sure if i can explain to my parents how much i suffered and that depression is real, to my sisters that i love so much, to my friends that i appreciate and to everyone who genuinely cared about me. it’s not your fault folks. 

but right now, i just want to say to everyone: i’m truly sorry i died.

02-11-2021

[kimheecheon]

re: sowon & the attack on simon wiesenthal center. i come from a 3rd world country with shoddy education, asian and nowhere near europe (we were colonized by japan during ww2). i knew about nazis, we were taught about it at school. granted it was not a deep dive, but enough that anyone would easily recognize a swastika. i could see not recognizing say certain numbers/letters, the iron cross, or the red-white-black flag because these aren't as popular as symbols, but a swastika is THE nazi symbol and EVERYONE knows it. so yeah, fully, if you allege that none of this is part of s.korean education then they are behind and they should step up and include it.

but guess what. even if it wasn't taught, i would know about them from the the internet, literature, movies, etc. western news and media are widely consumed in asia too. are we really acting like s.korea does not have internet, holy shit. and if someone from the group is literally nicknamed after hitler then yes, they clearly knew something about the nazis and that they were bad, at least.

and shut up with 'asian countries have different view of the swastika'. we know both meanings. the town over mine has a hindu majority, if i go there and see a swastika on some random house's fence i would not think it represents nazis. if i see it in any hindu/buddhist temples or festivals, again– not nazis. but for you we have contextual knowledge. a swastika on a western-looking military uniform? afaik no asian country has had the swastika as a military symbol anytime recent. and its in a circle with the bird over it? definitely nazis.

even if i did give her the benefit of the doubt and say she somehow really did not know at all she could have given a better apology. esp from a company that have been involved in antisemitic controversy before, you'd think they'd be more careful in the future but nooo, they were about as insincere as they come the first time, why buy it now? plus im not jewish, most of you stans aren't either n gentiles should not tell jewish ppl how to react to antisemitism or that they must accept the apology since its not even directed to yall.

yall really think ur kpop ppl are more important than actual world issues. like this isn't an attack to your specific kpop girl, this is about antisemitism. this is not bullying, this is asking for accountability and basic human compassion. are you guys really falling for the "you're silencing [harmful group/rhetoric]? you're fascist too!" brainrot? really? (plus the way yall loooove to act like koreans are stupid as rocks and out of touch whenever convenient (while also hyping ur kpop ppl up for being Knowledgeable Smart and Deep, somehow) has always sat weird with me)

[hold-my-hair-back]

I love your writing I'm so glad I found ur blog!! Any chance you can write a fic with Dean with a really burpy stomach bug and Castiel looking after him? xx

I know I haven’t posted a story in forever but life got chaotic. Anyway, here’s a request fill while I work on an OC story. OCs usually take longer for me to write for some reason so I’m gonna quickly put this fanfic out haha. Much love to the Anon who sent it.

Takes place around season 5 . So… Spoilers up to that point.

———————————–

After being back from forty years of relentless, excruciating torture in Hell which impacted Dean drastically on a physical and mental level, being benched during a hunt by his little brother was almost humiliating. Especially considering the fact that it due to a stomach bug of all things and the hunt was nothing more than just a spirit – something that should be a walk in the park for someone who went through literal Hell, but, no. Sam had to go and give Dean his sad puppy-dog eyes and give the whole ‘You were dead for four months, I can’t lose you again’ speech, treating Dean’s stomach flu like it was stomach cancer instead. Despite how stupid Dean thought it was, he agreed, knowing Sam and Bobby were more than capable of ganking a spirit on their own.

He wouldn’t just sit around Bobby’s house, though. That was where he crossed the line. Dean had agreed to sit back and relax for a couple of days while this thing worked its way through his system, but there was no way that was happening. After just two hours of flipping through his ‘Busty Asian Beauties’ magazine, he was restless. Neither of them got sick very often, so their first aid kit was fresh out of Tums and Emetrol. Not to mention, for once in his life he needed something that wasn’t alcoholic to put in his stomach. The fridge was stocked with beer, but his stomach turned just at the sight of it. So, Dean grabbed Baby’s keys and headed out the door to the nearest gas station.

It was a little before noon when Dean arrived at the small store. The symptoms of the stomach flu had begun last night and hadn’t let up since. He had woken up nauseous without any warning, his mouth already filled with bile. He had sprinted to Bobby’s kitchen sink as the only functioning toilet was all the way upstairs. Getting sick that moment hadn’t been the only time throughout the night, either. Dean knew this stomach bug was kicking his ass and sitting out of the hunt was for the best. It still didn’t help with the humiliation. Especially as he sat in the parking lot of the gas station, head resting on the Impala’s steering wheel as he debated whether or not he would be able to make it in and out without having to puke in a public bathroom.

A familiar whoosh sound made Dean jump and without lifting his head off the wheel or opening his eyes, he sighed heavily. “Dammit, Cas,” he muttered through clenched teeth. “What have I said about just popping up without warning?”

“My apologies,” Castiel replied, but to Dean, it sounded frustratingly insincere. Then again, this was Cas, and his sincere voice probably sounded the exact same. Dean lifted his head and looked over at the angel and sighed again. Castiel’s blue eyes were full of sincerity and Dean knew getting angry over something that the angel couldn’t really help would be futile.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said softly, wincing as his stomach churned and gurgled again. Dean let out a soft grunt as he wrapped one arm around his bloated middle, the other supporting his head. “What do you need, Cas?”’

Castiel did that thing he always did when he couldn’t quite understand something. His head cocked to the side and his blue eyes narrowed with confusion. “Is something the matter?” he asked Dean.

Not being able to help himself, Dean scoffed. “Nah. Just my stomach being ripped apart while still inside me.” A flash of alarm went through Castiel’s features, and Dean quickly corrected himself, remembering his angel friend took everything literally. “Not really. It’s just the stomach flu, I’ll live. I just came here to get some ginger ale or somethin’. My stomach is a friggin’ mess right now.”

“Ale?” Castiel asked with a frown, watching Dean closely. “You think….alcohol will alleviate the distress in your stomach?”

“Ginger ale ain’t alcoholic,” Dean responded with a sigh. “It’s–” Dean cut himself off mid-sentence as he released some of the air that bubbled up his throat. Dean grimaced as the burp left an unpleasantly acidic taste in his mouth and he made a mental note to brush his teeth once he was back at Bobby’s.

“What was that?” Castiel asked curiously, and much to Dean’s frustration, the angel cocked his head to the side again.

“I ain’t gonna explain burping to you, Cas,” Dean said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Is it normal?”

Dean felt his irritation grow. The arm around his stomach tightened and he held his breath, both to fight the nausea and to stop himself from snapping at Castiel. “Yes, especially when your stomach is trying out for the friggin’ gymnastic Olympic team.” Dean burped again and squeezed his eyes shut as he exhaled slowly. “I also don’t have anything left in me, so my stomach’s trying to – urp – bring up something it doesn’t have.” Castiel didn’t say anything and Dean found the silence helpful as he tried to settle his stomach by gently rubbing it. However, when a loud, painful gurgle sounded from his belly, Dean knew what was about to happen. As horrifying as this was, Dean knew it would only be a matter of time before stuff began to come out of the other end. “I need a bathroom,” he panted to Castiel before hurrying out of the car and into the gas station.

The bathroom was about as disgusting as possible, but thankfully it was a single so no one else would come in as he relieved his bowels. He sat down on the toilet and let nature take its course, trembling with each wave. Dean groaned and wrapped both arms around his stomach as it continuously churned painfully. An acidic belch brought up a mouthful of bile onto the floor and Dean spat onto the ground. “Please, God,” he moaned to himself as he looked at the mess he made on the floor. Despite emptying itself from both ends, Dean felt his entire middle sift under his palm. “Please. This is awful…”

The same familiar sound as before came and Dean felt his irritation peak. If there was ever a wrong time for Castiel to suddenly appear by his side without permission, this was it. Dean looked up at Castiel and shook his head in disbelief. “You’re gonna just fly in on me in the bathroom now?” he demanded. “Get the hell outta here, man. I’m… busy.”  

Castiel looked confused for the millionth time since he popped into Dean’s car less than a half hour ago. “You prayed,” he pointed out. “I came.”

“I didn’t-” Dean cut himself off as he realized he had technically asked for God. Damn it. “Well, whatever, Cas. I’m gonna tell you right now that if I ever decide to pray to the man upstairs and not directly to you, it’s not gonna be over diarrhea. Now get out!”  Dean was starting to feel violated and embarrassed as Castiel just stared at him while he was sitting on the toilet. Luckily, Castiel was gone instantly, leaving Dean alone to clean up his mess.

When he got back out to the car ten minutes later, Castiel was sitting in the passenger seat. Dean climbed into the driver’s side and looked over at him with narrowed, green eyes, reading to tell him to leave when he saw Castiel was holding a bag in his lap. “What’s that for?” he asked, his curiosity trumping over his anger.

Castiel reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle of ginger ale and some Emetrol. “I asked the kind lady for some help for a friend who was suffering terribly in the bathroom.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Dude-”

“I hope it helps,” Castiel continued. “You know, I have met many souls in Heaven and illness is a massive killer.” Castiel looked out the window and Dean could have sworn he saw the angel bite his lip, not even long enough to last a second. Suddenly, he understood.

“Hey,” Dean said gently, nudging his friend’s shoulder. “I ain’t gonna die because of an upset stomach, okay? Look at me, Cas.” When blue eyes met his, Dean continued. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know you aren’t exactly sure how to deal with all of this crap. I just want you to know that you’re doing a good job and I appreciate it.” Dean reached over and grabbed the bottle of ginger ale as Castiel nodded. Dean knew this was partially on him because he didn’t often enough express gratitude toward Castiel. That would have to be something he worked on one day after he kicked this bug and was back on his feet.

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said sincerely, looking over at him with a small smile. “I appreciate hearing that.”

Dean shrugged and took a few drinks of the ginger ale, belching loudly as he set the bottle back down. “I’m gonna drive back to Bobby’s, You wanna keep me company?” When Castiel nodded, Dean felt a small smile appear on his face. “Thanks, buddy.”

The drive home felt too long in Dean’s opinion. Especially since his stomach was twisting the entire time and he kept having to swallow thickly after each burp to prevent something else from coming back up. Thankfully, nothing had, but the moment Dean stopped the car in front of Bobby’s house, he knew he didn’t have any longer. He rushed out of the driver’s side and slapped a hand over his mouth as he sprinted inside. Once again, he didn’t have time to make it upstairs so he made a run for the kitchen sink where he began to burp miserably.

“Are you going to be alright?” Castiel asked from behind him and Dean nodded as he burped up a mouthful of the ginger ale he had consumed. “My stomach’s killing me,” he moaned, placing his hand on his bloated middle. “But I think I’m done puking for now.”

“Good,” Castiel said. “Perhaps you should lay down. I can’t heal you from this ailment, but I can still make you sleep.”

Dean spat into the sink one last time before wiping his mouth with a paper towel. He hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether or not he wanted Castiel to basically knock him out. However, when his stomach moaned again and another queasy burp escaped from his mouth, Dean nodded. “Yeah, alright, Cas.”

Castiel nodded and helped Dean over to the couch in the living room. Dean gently eased himself down across the cushions, moaning as the movement made his stomach churn. However, the bad feeling was temporarily pushed away by the good feeling that came with Castiel gently laying a blanket over his trembling body. “Thanks,” Dean said softly, closing his eyes.

“You’re welcome,” Castiel answered. “Now, just relax, Dean. You’re going to feel extremely tired in just a moment.”

“I’m already tired,” Dean pointed out, but when he felt Castiel’s hand on his forehead, he went silent. Castiel’s touch spread a soothing warmth throughout his entire body and Dean felt more relaxed than he had in a  long time. Sleep came easily, and for the first time since Hell, it was dreamless too.

—————————————

So, it’s 2 am here. I’m sorry if this isn’t very good. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless.