the hitch in van helsing's words when he says "i beseech you" im going to cry for real this time. it's not even simply that he knows how important it is that he gets arthur to trust him, that he's conscious of their duty to all living souls and lucy herself to do this to her and how difficult this will be physically and emotionally. it's that arthur now distrusts him, cries at him in anger - arthur, the man who looks like his lost son and whom he loves because of it. the man whose love and respect he may now never get back after suggesting mutilating lucy's corpse. he isn't just desperate for all the men in that room to trust him so they can give lucy peace and keep the living safe. that's the sacrifice of his father's heart splitting in two right there. wtf alan burgon.
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"oh, Charles, you're such an angel."
Max hears it often. he picks up the phrases chirped by the girls around. it was said by fans, PR managers and once he had even heard it from a Ferrari mechanic. and Max totally and utterly disagrees.
Charles is no angel. on and off the track.
he is a bloody menace.
because angels don't look like that. with a slight squint when there's a storm brewing in the depths of green eyes in the middle of a sunny day.
angels don't get so angry you're afraid to approach. angels don't hold grudges. angels are quick to forgive.
angels don't smile like that. smirking, a little arrogant, covering it with their innocence. and showing a little of the soft tip of the tongue between their teeth.
angels are measured. they take their time. they are neat and tidy. they never make a mess of crumpled sheets and clothes.
angels are gentle. angels never squeeze skin until it bruises, bite until it darkens, or pull hair so hard it brings tears to the eyes.
and even more so, angels don't moan. not painfully, but sweetly, like melted chocolate with marzipan that leaves marks on your fingers. hot. frank. naked. absolutely wasted.
angels don't expose their necks, don't bare collarbones, giving more space for someone’s lips to leave marks.
angels don't press closer, scratching back until it’s bleeding. angels don’t choke on passion and never create their own.
but he falls asleep in the most angelic way. with his nose against Max's neck and the blanket pulled up to his eyes. he throws an arm and a leg over the body next to him, pulls closer, smiles warmly, and lowers his long fluffy eyelashes.
people easily fall for it.
"oh, Charles, you're such an angel."
but Max knows that Charles isn't an angel at all. he's a real demon in the flesh. but it's much easier to love him like that.
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
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That episode from Brooklyn Nine-Nine when Amy first starts as sergeant and the squad points out she "has an Amy" - BUT make it Flashfam, when Wally first starts working with Bart as his kid flash
Wally: I'm a terrible Flash, I have this super eager Kid Flash who keeps running off before I can tell him what to do
Jay: Awn you got a Wally
Wally: What? no! He is not a Wally, I am nothing like Bart!
Jay: Does he keep running off mid-sentence?
Max: Impatient during fights? a bit spacey?
Jay: you have a Wally
Wally: Guys, come on, I think I would know if my Bart was a Wally
*Bart tries to fight Mirror Master on his own*
Wally: oh my God, I have a Wally
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HZD was such a magical experience. It was a game about the apocalypse, but it still left me feeling hopeful by the end, twisting the despair it made me feel over its past into something like appreciation for everything we still have. It was a game about life and death, about nature and both its vulnerability and its resilience, about how technology can be used for either good or bad, about how it could destroy us but also save us depending on how we use it. It was a game about GAIA and Elisabet's love for the world (and each other), it was about a lonely queer girl's personal quest to find her mother that turned into a quest to save her homeworld, it was the story of an outcast who became the chosen one she never wanted to be, who went from carrying the weight of negative expectations to the weight of positive ones on her shoulders, it was about showcasing both the best and the worst of humanity, while still reassuring us that the effort we put into this world is worth it, even against impossible odds, because this is a world worth fighting for, and there might always be bad but there will also always be good, and life on Earth is worth protecting.
It was so deeply beautiful and moving and at the end of the day it was just a game. I wish I could play it for the first time again
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