#but ofc i WILL flip out when they reunite

[wikitpowers]

i want to see kit going to everyday high school, making friends at lunchtime, talking a walk around the devon countryside with mina, training with jem and tessa, learning how to control his powers, finding his own style, exploring his sexuality, going to pride with his school friends and waving the bi flag around like a maniac, taking selfies and using tumblr to look at percy jackson fanart (he's definitely a tumblr user let's face it), i want him making cookies and sharing them with tessa while they have deep chats and do face masks, i need him training how to become a shadowhunter but also just going to the cinema with his friends and being a regular ass teenager, i want to see him just existing, growing and doing ordinary things

i just miss kit herondale like mad

[tanoraqui]

hey!! i love your blog so much your takes are *chefs kiss*

i saw an Amazing post a few months ago where someone laid out a really cool plan for a silmarillion tv show and i cant find it again. it haunts my every waking moment. i think i saw it on your blog so i figured id ask if you knew it.

Either way, have a great day!

(note: I got this ask several thousand years ago, and am answering it now because I asked my roommates if I should write something serious tonight, or something ridiculous, or read a book; and they said ridiculous.) (note 2: I wrote the above several days ago. I'm posting at 6.5k words) (note 3: I'm going to pretend this is a deliberately timed gift to @thelordofgifs for their latest fic updates, which were bullet points of heartfelt and sober compelling canon divergence. this...is bullet points of [heartfelt? compelling?] lunacy. I hope you might enjoy it.)

Are you thinking of this, the "Supernatural but make it Silmarillion lore, and also women" show of my dreams? (Me, approaching the Tolkien estate with an offer for the rights to the Silmarillion: I swear, I will ONLY show the First Age in limited flashbacks. Everything else will be the characters as they are at least 10,000 years later, maybe even with an active framing device to identify them as modern interpretations of the characters...")

Oh huh, I forgot I thought a bunch more about that "teeechnically-not-AU" and never added it to that post. Regardless of whether it's the show you were thinking of, dear Anon:

one of the protagonists is definitely the reincarnation of Fëanor. Her name is Seraphina, which translates to something like "fiery divine being", bc her mom had a good sense of these things. They don't know this at first

her slightly older twin sister is Martha, named after their grandmother but it does mean the feminine of "master", because I spent at least an hour trying to translate any name Turin ever had into something reasonably modern and this is the best I could do (they also don't know about this reincarnation at first, ofc)

their father was killed by some sort of monster when they were babies so their mother took up monster-hunting ranging, etc. etc.

(the underground community of modern monster-hunters are called Rangers, in reference to the roaming heroes of old)

Seraphina, the Wild One(TM), ran away to go to college, where she double-majored in astrophysics and mechanical engineering and double-minored in linguistics and metallurgical engineering, and wrote an art history thesis. Martha, the Dutiful One(TM), stayed with their mother and kept ranging. They reunite when Martha shows up on Phina's doorstep because "Mom went on a hunting trip and hasn't been home in a few days", etc. etc.

the Bobby-style substitute parent should really, to (kind of) round this out, be a dwarf or hobbit. The full "Team Free Will" should represent all peoples of Arda... But I'm not making up OCs right now (yet)

a unifying legend of the Ranger community is that their unofficial network has been supported and guided for millennia by their cousins, the peredhel, Elrohir and Elladan, who quite simply never Chose and have been wandering the earth, saving people and hunting things, ever since their sister died. They don't NEED to Choose until they die, technically!

This is, in fact, true - or, it was. Until about 25 years ago, when [flips a coin] Elrohir married our heroes' mother, settled down into peaceful domesticity, and a few years later died dramatically to buy [throws a dart at a wheel of names] Laura and their children time to escape the whatever.

Laura knew about his profession and that he was older than he looked, but not his whole deal. She found that out later while vengefully hunting monsters...and never told her daughters.

The plot of Season 1 involves unravelling this mystery, including at some point meeting their elusive uncle Elladan (who has maybe gone a little mad with the sudden death of his twin? That'd be a fun season antagonist/arc/theme...dealing with grief...very topical!)

By the end of s1, all of the above have probably had a nice closure-giving(-ish) confrontation/conversation with Elrohir's ghost - who's been waiting in Mandos for his wife and/or brother despite Mandos's INCREASINGLY strident blandishments to stop acting like a cat in a doorway and choose - and Laura and Elladan are both dead in suitably dramatic circumstances.

...or, Elladan is. Apparently John Winchester didn't die until s2e1! So, what happens is:

- (earlier in the s1 finale episode, Laura, noticed something once or twice which her daughters didn't - saw a curl of smoke, seemed to be examining a McGuffin extra closely...)

- Laura has been mildly injured, and someone needs to guard a McGuffin or maybe a random innocent civilian caught up in this, so she stays behind while Phina and Martha go off to deal with whatever the actual big bad of the season is. Maybe a cult trying to sacrifice half-elves for some reason? Directed, though not personally managed, by whatever killed Elrohir in the first place, which is...I gotta figure an OC balrog? Like, not one of the big ones from canon. We'll just call her (Laura's) Bane henceforth.

- not long later, while Phina and Martha are fistbumping in the remains of the cult's hideout Seraphina maybe have used chemical explosives), or maybe discretely looting Elladan's body for useful weapons laying their uncle to rest, the scene cuts back to Laura

- she's pacing, patrolling. Ready for a fight. She senses something and goes even tenser, drawing her ancient sword. It glows softly blue - but this is no orc. Heavy footsteps, flickering shadows and firelight, maybe the sound of wings. We do not see the enemy, just a middle-aged woman in improvised combat gear with a pistol in one hand and a Gondolin-made sword in the other, and a look of iron determination and defiance. She pulls off the bandage on her arm, revealing that she'd faked her injury so the girls would leave her behind.

- "I knew it was you," she greets her old enemy, unflinching, as a faint reprise rings unnoticed in the Great Music. She moves to attack, met by a whip-crack and a flash of fire, and cut to black.

Season 2 starts where s1 ended, for Martha and Seraphina. They're almost back at their car (the beloved 1967 Chevy Shadowfax). Note: few times in s1, Phina has had strange visions or nightmares, never anything prophetic but once a good clue to defeating the MotW...

She reels with the force and horror of this one. Darkness, utter and choking, pierced eventually by a single desperate torch. A dark and empty hall where there should be life and light. Flickering firelight reveals blood on the floor...

She gasps, "Mom," and demands that Martha drive, drive, fucking drive faster already -

They're too late, of course. Laura is long-since dead.

...so, back to Monster of the Week, with additional focus on tracking down the Bane!

Seraphina's strange dreams and visions get more frequent, more memorable. Sometimes they're peaceful, full of beautiful Light. More often they're dark, or at least, dim - climbing strange, starlit mountains (finding a cousin of aconite which turns out to also be useful for defeating werewolves). Choking grief as her hand brushes the air just above a vibrant tapestry, too afraid to ruin it with touch. Fire in her throat as she shouts world-shaking words in a language she doesn't remember (she repeats them a moment later, fending off a corrupted wind-spirit, and it flinches even before Phina feels a burst of vicious, raging, burning strength.)

Seraphina is curious as hell and keeps pushing herself to learn more, see more. Do more. It's not just visions, eventually - she starts to read minds, here and there. She's always been a fidgeter, happiest with some petty creative task of wire and beads or yarn in her hands, but now she can swear that sometimes her craft supplies sing at times, directly surpassing her ears, and she can make things with quality, with power. A new-knitted scarf is sturdy as a gorget. Glass beads glow. The more Phina does, the more she's frustrated rather than satisfied - she knows she's missing something, and she HATES being ignorant. Being wrong.

Martha, always the responsible one, especially feeling the need to be so now that their mom has died, wishes she would stop. Wishes she wouldn't put herself, put both of them, in danger like this. Martha is literally game to fight an orc with her fists one on one, any day of the week; she's no stranger to a quick temper and impulsive action. But she grew up! Why can't her sister!

(Martha: [venting the above to a stranger in a bar or something. Meanwhile, Seraphina has found an medieval Songbook and is trying to, like, apply principals of Elvencraft to chemical engineering. more arguing ensues.])

Toward the end of the season, there's, idk, several murders at the site of a geothermal drilling experiment in the North Sea, and oh shit, Bane is trying to get something that came out of that drill shaft! Violent interrogation of some evil minions reveals that it's no less precious thing than a Silmaril! Our heroes read about those recently in some ancient tome! (Phina got a headache so bad, and a sense of being aflame, that she passed out.)

In the third-to-last episode of the season, they hunt the Silmaril to the unlucky random research facility to which it's been taken. Mundane authorities and/or scientists are already coveting it as a potential energy source, adding extra mooks...who mostly just die when Laura's Bane arrives. But our girls get to it just slightly faster. The jewel is in a jead-lined box. Phina has been increasingly consumed by single-minded focus on getting this thing; even as the Ban storms in all fire and darkness, she's furiously picking the lock. She flings back the lid; we see a shining gold-white jewel - and the Light consumes the screen.

The second-to-last episode starts with pure Light - then it fades to simple Mingling, as the Noldor hold a funeral for Miriel. They had rites for the fallen in their starlit home of old, when they knew no return. They are having a modified version now, knowing that in her weariness she will, at least, take a very long time; in the hope that it will help those who loved her move through their grief.

- young Fëanor (age 5ish), tears running down his cheeks, whispers to his father that he is sorry, so sorry he killed her. Finwë denies it fiercely, lovingly, and holds him tight. Indis approaches, seeking to offer comfort; Finwë sees her over Fëanor's head and, gratefully, shakes his head. She retreats.

- but in the next memory, it is Fëanor (age 10ish) who watches Finwë and Indis, as they move joyously in unison around their wedding dance floor. Someone says something to him, he responds bitterly.

- (I'm not sure exactly what narrative of Fëanor's life I want to construct here, but assume subsequent memories/short scenes include: dislike of half-siblings (ft. fear of loss/abandonment masked as superiority complex), finding genuine joy and contentment in craft, exploration, and Nerdanel & their children; Melkor & rising tensions with Fingolfin, the Silmarils, the sword Incident, banishment (ft. savage dislike of Valar), Finwë's death (the same memory that struck when Laura died!), the Oath, Alqualondë, the theft and burning of the ships...and Amrod...and shortly thereafter, Fëanor himself, in a rush that only wasn't suicide because he really thought he could bust in and kill a Vala right up until he realized he absolutely could not do that.)

- (very fast final montage of key events post death, only snapshots, maybe styled as tapestry seen from Vairë's Halls? Fingolfin, crowned, raising Maedhros from a bow and embracing him; the glorious hosts and castles of the Noldor, Dagor Bragollach, Fingolfin's death, Doriath & Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin's deaths, Sirion & Amras's death (both with the Silmaril evading them in the background), Morgoth's defeat by Host of the West with Eärendil shining far overhead, the final attack/theft, Maedhros's death, Maglor flinging the third into the sea and collapsing)

- camera close on Seraphina's face as she opens her eyes. They are shining with Light. She says, "Fuck."

FINAL EPISODE OF S2 STARTS WITH:

- a few second earlier: Martha sees from across the room as Phina opens the box and a joyous Light shines forth, and her sister collapses. The Silmaril falls and rolls.

- Martha doesn't have time to see where it rolls, because she has to fight the monster that killed both her parents. We've seen Laura's Bane in the shape of a woman with cavern-black hair and fiery eyes a few times before, and when it killed Laura and Elrohir, we glimpsed much more. But 2 episodes ago was the first time we saw it in all its terrible, burning darkness. The building is falling apart around it. There were a couple security guards and a scientist here; they're dead within moments.

- like her mother, Martha started out with a gun and a sword. She quickly gives up on the gun - it IS a special magic gun, but she's just better with a sword. She's snarking at the monster as she fights, because this is a gritty urban fantasy show so she's going to die, but by Eru she's going to die with sarcasm on her lips.

- the Bane's whip finally catches her around the wrist. It's not clear if it's the pain of the break or the burn that makes her drop her sword. The Balrog steps over it and grabs her by the throat. Darkness enwraps her, the searing, choking claws and the all-encompassing wings and the swallowing of her vision -

- Light pierces it like a blade. The Balrog falls back, dropping Martha to the floor.

- there stands her sister, Silmaril raised, almost glowing herself with its Light. Her eyes blaze with the particularly fiery Light that was always Fëanor's.

- Power in her voice, in English she says, "I am Seraphina Elrohiel [cool epithet she's picked up as a hunter]"; in the most traditional lisping Quenya she adds, "and I am Fëanáro Finwë-Curufinwë." English again: "I wrought this jewel five ages of the world ago…and to be honest, I don't really know what I can do with it now."

- - (the soundtrack crescendos, the Music crescendos; unseen, all around Arda and beyond, beings tuned into the Great Song of Ëa know that Fëanor once again holds a Silmaril, and go oh, shit, fuck!!)

- she smiles, fey and burning. "Do you think it's a good idea to stay and find out?"

- Laura's Bane flees with a snarl.

- Martha gets to her knees, and no further. She's panting, still catching her breath, bleeding and bruised and burned, and staring up at her incandescent sister(?).

- Seraphina (who is, has always been, Fëanáro Curufinwë) stays standing and glaring for a moment more, making sure the enemy has truly gone. Then -

- - [note: it came up, in their hasty recent recent research into the Silmarils while chasing them, that they are blessed such that evil hands can't touch them. they'd hoped this would be protection against the Bane, if they got there too late to stop it]

- - [note: in the very very brief memory-views of Maedhros and Maglor's last moments, it was clear that their grips on the Silmarils were agony]

- Phina falls to her knees, Silmaril dropping from her hand without protest. Once again it rolls offscreen, glow faded but still bright. All force of presence gone, she cradles her burned hand and sobs in agony and irreparable loss, not to mention the sheer overwhelming experience of everything.

- older sister instincts (again: despite the fact that they're twins) gets Martha moving when nothing else did. Still not actually sure what just happened, she crawls forward and hugs her sister.

...then they get out of there. Martha picks the Silmaril up carefully with a piece of cloth and puts it back in the lead-lined box, and Phina carries the box. For the rest of the episode, they hunt down Laura's Bane before it can escape them utterly - unless it tries to come back and get the Silmaril while they're still off-balance, which is entirely possible! Either way, they kill it so dead!

Season ends with the two of them sitting in a dingy motel room, or maybe back in the Shadowfax [car], staring at the Silmaril box. Martha says, "So...what do we do with this?" Phina says, "We find out what the hell happened to the other two!"

IN SEASON THREE...

...I stop having particularly coherent ideas for what happens, is what happens in season three

honestly, I was originally conceiving of this as 5 seasons a la Supernatural didn't it have a great show finale in 2010? so great. thank goodness they didn't make 10 more seasons for some canonically godforsaken reason. But Fëanor retrieving even just one Silmaril would so kick off an s4 level of divine intervention and incipient apocalypse...

I dunno, or maybe they CAN have a full season of Monster of the Week plus arcing plot which is half standard hunting, half various supernatural entities tracking them down either to steal the Silmaril or to kill Fëanor (again) for her many crimes?

They retrieve 1 Silmaril that season, while evading, idk, I guess Sauron is our Lilith equivalent... And it WOULD be fun to have s4 start with Martha kicking open Mandos's doors (she's holding 2 Silmarils; she can kick open whatever doors she wants) and demanding her obnoxious sister back...

(We COULD do a thing where the Valar deliberately put Fëanor back asap, but lbr they...would probably rather not, even if they need her alive to do certain things. On the other hand, if they did, what a fun conflict for her! On the third hand, SOMEONE has to Lúthien the other's Beren at least once - not that Martha is singing. She's going more for the 'threatens Ainur with swords' side of her heritage.)

(That WOULD create a fun 'Martha has been doing increasingly badass and angsty shit offscreen (while Seraphina was dead)' scenario that could lead smoothly into some flashbacks about what Martha was doing before the show started - namely, increasingly badass (and angsty) shit while Seraphina was in college...)

Because in terms of focus, the first 2 seasons are a little more about Seraphina. Having not Ranged for a while, she's more the audience's pov character to start, and then the big plotty drama is focussed on her in s2...and in s3, as they hunt the next Silmaril and she adjusts to being... That is, Fëanor adjusts to being...

She was Fëanor for a MUCH longer time than she's been Seraphina, but she's been Seraphina more recently and kinda more...vividly? She hasn't fully processed being Fëanor. Her hröa is human (and female-shaped and human-female-gendered, and elves don't define gender the same way and don't have gendered pronouns at all, so she's sticking with 'she/her' and it's not a big deal), and her fëa has been acting human, so her memory capacity is still mostly human, as are her reflexes, her need for sleep, etc... She's getting better, but it takes time.

But boy has this enhanced ALL of Seraphina's natural attention-seeking, forward-leaping, fight-starting, prideful, self-centered Protagonist(TM) behavior!

Which is driving Martha CRAZY, all the moreso because there's reason for it now. Aside from the fact that even with no memory of her past life, Seraphina was always brilliant, while Martha was just...normal at best. Clumsy and un-witty except with a weapon in her hand. Prone to sulking and shyness. Downright unlucky, while the universe seems to shower blessings on her sister.

Even when Fëanor is trying not to start a fight, she's so condescending. to her sister who is a mere mortal Man. Having been one for 25-odd years - still being one, in fact - Fëanor has lost much of her suspicion of Man as an usurping species (it was never really about Men anyway). But she's SO condescending.

(Martha IS her sister, still. Martha can hold the Silmaril without the Oath pushing Seraphina to burning wrath, because she is Fëanor's kin.)

(Though "Fëanor's kin" was only ever a stand-in for, roughly, "people Fëanor could trust to temporarily hold a Silmaril because he knew they'd give it back to him instantly if he asked." So, as the rift deepens between then, as she grows paranoid again...)

...returning to the point above: as Seraphëanor steps up as Person Who Can Explain Advanced Supernatural Shit, audience pov connects a little more with Martha. Also because Fëanor's radius of destruction is really fun to watch from the outside.

Yeah...Seraphina gets pretty high up her own ass over the course of s3, then dies, maybe heroically or maybe as foolishly as last time, then post-season hiatus smash cut to Martha kicking in Mandos's front door and dragging her back to life... I do love that.

SEASON FOUR...

After the shock wears of, the classic Fëanorian paranoia isn't helped by the fact that Martha IS keeping secrets. What she's been doing, who she's been doing it with...(some Maia, maybe even an Úmaia?) Though Arda's mythology doesn't have the same Heaven/Hell dichotomy as Earthly Christianity, so alaos we can't have the sexy sexy s4 thing of an angel on one sister's shoulder and a devil on the other's...

But basically I think s3 has to have been somewhat of a tragedy, as Túrin (unknowing) and Fëanor (just bad at this) played out their old tragedies in tandem. Rashness was often the undoing of both. Leaping to conclusions, action or both, though usually in opposite directions. With maybe a dash of parallels with ancient (ie, Second Age) Elf vs Man conflict - Martha is increasingly down on herself, but also, jealous of Seraphina's Protagonist Energy and increasingly ready to do some violence about it.

And none of that resolves in s3! Seraphina just gets killed!

So in s4, they have to figure it out. Seraphina needs to learn some sort of (gasp) humility, and how to let grievances (and loved ones) go. Martha needs to learn how to cope with regret and grief with means other than changing her name and moving to a different city.

(She's already starting, though! This time, she asked "what would Seraphina do', then broke into Mandos and demanded solutions!)

(...and Mandos, perhaps, was very ready to refuse until he got a good look at her fëa, silently went 'huh' in recognition, and waved them out.)

Then Martha starts having strange dreams and visions - maybe after they fight an ancient dragon? or maybe she already was, in the s3-s4 gap (after fighting an ancient dragon with her new Maia friend?)

Seraphina is initially PSYCHED about this- twinnies for real!! But they get some entity to look at Martha's fëa and they confirm that she's 100% a Man.

Monster of the Week episodes are still the main focus btw. Vampires and werewolves, cursed magical objects, rogue petty nature maiar, peacekeeping between factions of non-humans still dwelling secretly here and there... Though perhaps the masquerade is starting to fracture?

And, of course, some (other?) Maia has shown up and informed them that Sauron is embodied again and trying to complete a ritual to break a hole in the envelope of the world to let Melkor back in, which our heroes must stop!

Also, definitely need to get the 3rd Silmaril back this season. They got the one in the earth and the one in the sea...

- so, a fan favorite recurring character [a/n: IT'S MY IMAGINARY TV, I CAN IMAGINE THE FANDOM'S REACTIONS, TOO, AND ALSO TBH I'M CERTAIN I COULD DELIBERATELY CRAFT A FAN FAVORITE CHARACTER] is the twins' Uncle Earl, who isn't technically their uncle but rather an old family friend of their mother's. He is, in short, kind of an old kook. Some flavor of Southern - I'll flip a coin and say Louisianan? Lives on a houseboat, refuses to go ashore unless absolutely necessary because "the feds'll get me." Visiting nieces means there's someone else to go get groceries and gasoline (necessary, but he doesn't trust most delivery services or modern technology, either), so they've possibly never seen him set foot on land except maybe once on an isolated beach in rural Oregon. Fought in Korea. Has probably looked grizzled since age 12. Eats mostly fish, talks to birds, talks back to the radio.

- to be clear, this guy is not filling the Bobby 'faux-parent' role. ...okay maybe he is a little, emotionally. But he's not involved in "the family business." In terms of SPN characters, he's roughly Garth - appears once a season or so, is a delight for 1 episode, then we part ways. He calls Martha in s1 because there's been some "weird deaths" in the port he's in right now, and he knows they deal with "this sort of thing" but he can't get ahold of Laura. There's a mention of him in s2, that they called to tell him Laura had died. In s3, they need to lay low for a while so they join him on his boat for a few weeks, go stir-crazy and end up fighting a sea monster.

- Idk if he calls them again in s4 or they're trying to lie low again or they just run into him by chance...but they're dealing with MotW murders in some swampy Florida shore-town and on his ship (The Flower) when something much bigger than a swamp monster catches up with them. Say, Sauron sent an unstoppable Carcharoth-sized wolf monster, or maybe a super-vampire (some aerial combat would be fun), or just some Úmaia miniboss that a season or two would've been a season-climax boss fight...

- they're moored up when it arrives. Phina curses, Martha shouts for Earl to drive, drive the boat out as far and fast as he can! Earl was half-asleep at the table; he starts awake demanding if it's the feds?! Phina leaps to the wheel herself and slams the gas, while Martha grabs the old shotgun off the wall and fires at the giant shadowy wolf-monster.

They leave it howling on the pier. They'll have to go back and face it eventually, but they're not ready right now. Maybe they can even re-land far upshore, and it'll have lost their scent again...

- the giant shadow-wolf finishes howling starts chasing them running on the water

- Martha curses, and shouts Phina to drive faster. Earl (looking over Martha's shoulder, also cursed, almost impressed, at the sight of the wolf) tells her to give him the wheel. Phina shoves him away and shouts back as she yanks the wheel that they need to turn back, they can't win this fight on the water -

- the wolf is snapping at the Flower's keel. Phina curses in Valarian and yells at Earl to take the wheel and steer them back to land, while she runs back to help Martha fight the wolf.

- Earl flips a red lever in the [boat mechanics] cabinet under the wheel which we've probably seen before (Seraphina fixed something in s1), labeled "High Octane" and shouts, "Hold on, girls!" He slams the throttle again and the whole houseboat hydroplanes. The wolf falls overboard; Phina goes with it but Martha grabs her.

- the wolf gets to its feet on the water, and starts chasing them again

- "Confession time, girls!" Uncle Earl calls, steering the boat beyond full throttle while Martha and Phina get to their feet. "I did befriend your ma's dad while he was fighting in Korea. He whispered to the stars at night, when he felt lost." Adjusts a standing spyglass, tugs a string a couple times to turn on the lanterns on the prow and above the steering console, dons his navy blue-and-gold captain's hat. "I thought I couldn't have been happier to guide him home - then Elrohir met his Laura, and they fell in love. And had the two of you!"

- "Do you have a point?" Phina shrieks. She's scrambling to get her jacket out of her bag under one of the seats, because her Silmarils are in its pockets and the shadow-wolf is gaining. Martha, shooting at the wolf again, glances back, maybe having noticed that the old anecdote is phrased differently than before. Old Uncle Earl is standing unusually straight, his grizzled-gray hair gold-ish in the warm lantern light.

- "Yes!" he calls, jerking the boat away from the wolf again. Some of his Louisiana accent has fallen away, too. "Don't lose your wits - and keep holding on to something!"

- he tugs the light-cord again and the yellowy lantern-case above the wheel opens, and the light that shines forth is far brighter and paler. Its source falls into his hand as the lantern shakes with the Flower's speed, and he sets it on the brim of his hat - the illusion of which fades, leaving only the golden band on his brow with the Silmaril set upon, and Eärendil standing as tall, young, and golden-haired as when he first sailed the sacred seas. He gives the wheel another stern yank and the ship's prow rises even higher - and keeps rising, with the rest of the Flower in tow - the Foamflower, Vingilotë, every plank now aglow.

- "Also," he admits, looking over his shoulder to make sure neither of the twins has fallen off (again), "I'm your great-grandfather. I really am sorry to have - hey!"

- that's for Seraphina, who is Fëanor, Oath blazing in her heart, regaining her balance, sprinting up the deck and lunging with wrath in her eyes for the Silmaril.

- Eärendil dodges smoothly, while still keeping one hand on the wheel. "I said," he says reprovingly - while Martha bodily tackles her sister to the floor - "keep your wits Fëanáro. I'm here to help, as I ever have been for the people of Arda."

- the girls wrestle on the deck for a few more seconds before Seraphina calms down. It helps that they realize the wolf had grown giant wings of shadow and is chasing them aloft as well.

- btw: late in s4, the dwarvish researcher who's Bobby's fill-in and/or Martha's probably-trustworthy Maia friend should really be present as well for all of the above, but this ain't really about them. So I think they're just kinda. awkwardly Present for this family not-reunion. helping fight the wolf & all that.

- (Eärendil doesn't actually give back the Silmaril. But he lets Seraphina hold it for a few minutes, during which she is more at peace than she has been in millennia, and promises to let her have it again if/when she really needs it, if it isn't more urgently needed elsewhere. This is, more or less, satisfying to the Oath: as discussed "Fëanor's kin" was only ever shorthand for "people whom Fëanor could trust to hold a Silmaril without ever withholding it from him.")

Eeexcept it turns out that even Eärendil doesn't know that the Valar DO want Morgoth back, because they're kinda totally down to have Dagor Dagorath and reboot the world. Look it'll be great - Túrin - that's you, Martha - will help Eonwë and Tulkas slay him, then Fëanor will break the Silmarils, releasing the Light so that Eru can use it to Remake the world, Unmarred this time - Hey, where are you Children going? Stop stabbing people! Stab only the people we tell you to stab!

(Ulmo, ever wise, offscreen: When has that EVER worked? Especially with Fëanáro and his kin?)

Yeah, there's a scene very much like the end of SPN s4, wherein Martha gets grabbed by the celestial "good guys" and they admit that this is all kinda set-up but don't worry - here's your destined fuckoff-huge black sword, just wait a few minutes for your "sister" to once again achieve an evil end that's the exact opposite of what she intended; and then Martha has to convince the Maia she's been befriending all season to help her escape and go rescue Seraphina before she jumpstarts the apocalypse...

(Nb: Martha was already trying to stop Sauron from freeing Morgoth when the season started - she broke Seraphina out of Mandos party bc she loved and missed her sister, partly because she needed a Silmaril expert. But she's grown skeptical of the task somehow, while Seraphina - perhaps because Seraphina - has gotten vengefully obsessed with it. As Fëanor is wont to do. Hell, she has even more reason than she used to - she knows what Sauron did to her grandson.)

So, y'know

They do, of course, accidentally free Morgoth.

On the plus side, in the process, they get to jointly murder the SHIT out of Sauron, who was the REAL mastermind behind much of Laura's Bane's actions (and, honestly? Might've been the real one who killed Laura, and only set it up to look like a Balrog. Flames and shadows both can have many masters!)

SEASON FIVE, THE FINAL SEASON DEFINITELY FOLLOWED BY NO FURTHER SEASONS despite the temptation of a terrible sexy humanoid Ungoliant

I only have 3 ideas for season 5:

1. They go to Valinor at some point, of course. Perhaps to rally aid? The first elf they find, they introduce themselves grandly, Fëanor and Túrin Turambar here seeking allies to fight Morgoth! and the elf says blankly, "I have never heard of either of you." *squints* "You're Men, you say? Lord Ulmo keeps a Man on Tol Eressëa, I think. You could go to him?" But after that, as a running joke all episode, every other elf they meet recognizes Fëanor on sight (she has a very distinctive fëa) and immediately punches her in the face...and every other elf recognizes Tùrin on sight and all but tackle-hugs Martha while shouting joyfully that they never expected to see him again. Some (Beleg) actually do tackle-hug her (and nearly gets stabbed again) (#worthit).

2. To everyone's surprise, including the other Valar, Morgoth started his war upon creation subtly when he returned...but doesn't remain subtle for long, nor do those opposing him. By the end of the season, the masquerade that non-human sentient peoples and various other supernatural beings still live in Arda is all but shattered.

3. Then it's THOROUGHLY shattered in the finale. I don't know if the general human populace participates in the final battle - though I am SO weak for a moment when, like, the regular-ass armed forces, who are not necessarily allies to the heroes, show up to help fight a massive superhuman threat. When the SHIELD helicarrier shows up to evacuate civilians in Age of Ultron, when UNIT does pretty much anything in Doctor Who...I love it when the best protections & warriors the mundane human race could pull together also show the fuck up and help save the day because damnit, this is their planet too. ...Which is, in fact, very on-theme for Tolkien. So yes, actually, this definitely happens. Probably there's some conflict with US military forces mid-season, our heroes have to talk (fight & escape) their way out of being arrested for blowing up a national landmark while fighting a balrog, and the general in charge whom they'd half-convinced returns in the finale with a battalion to slam some missiles into Morgoth...

oh, and 4: Ar-Pharazón et al totally do come back from the dead. Probably on Morgoth's side lbr. They get a twisted undead immortality wherein they cannot die, just go on fighting for the dark lord to whom they once turned in jealous worship...

More importantly...

Okay, I really don't know exactly how the Dagor Dagorath goes. We're following the version that Eärendil will chase Morgoth from the skies; Tulkas, Eonwë and Túrin will fight him upon the field and Túrin will avenge his House and all the Race of Men by slaying him; and Fëanor will break the Silmarils and Yavanna will use their Light to remake the Trees, and the lands will be leveled or in some cases raised from the depths, and everyone will live happily ever after except possibly Men who aren't mentioned beyond Túrin.

This is what the Valar expect to happen (though they don't actually know-know Eru's plans.)

What happens instead is...

Most of the Morgoth-defeating does go exactly like that. Except probably they don't kill him for good - they CAN'T, because the Marring of the world is part of what Morgoth is, and the only way to undo him completely is to remake the world completely.

Which maybe could be done, by Eru if no one else, if He were beseeched? Which might be done with the strength of the Silmarils, their Light released?

And Seraphina does break the Silmarils. That's important for her - giving up her Protagonist role, just as slaying Morgoth - embracing her Protagonist role - is important for Martha.

...but I don't think they give the Light back to Yavanna. No offense to the Trees, but they never illuminated most of Arda anyway, and the world is round now anyway - and making it flat again would fuck it up - and we have, like, electrical lights, now.

Hell, maybe Seraphina is ready to give up the Light... Her instinct is to hold it back, to follow her own novel plans with it, but, oh, to regain what was lost! And she has come around on...some of the Valar. Selectively. Yavanna's one of the okay ones.

- but Martha, half-dead from the battle, drops to her knees beside her and catches her hands before she can loose the Light upward unto the grasp of the Tree-Queen.

- "Together?" Martha says (Túrin Turambar, ever the greatest Men had to offer - bull-headed, loyal, brave, unafraid of death, loving and losing and loving again).

- Seraphina's trembling lips curve into a fierce grin (Fëanäro Curufinwë, ever the greatest Elves had to offer - brilliant in mind and spirit, devoted, ever seeking to preserve and glorify the beauty of the world, and eventually learning some wisdom about letting go).

- "Together," she agrees.

- together, they hold the Light that once shone in the Trees, the Lamps, and the Flame Eternal of Creation itself; and as they release it, reach for the Great Music of Ëa that is deep in both their blood - for they are the daughters of Elrohir, son of Elrond, son of Elwing daughter of Dior son of Lúthien Tinúviel, daughter of Melian the Maia; and indeed, even before that, they are both trueborn Children of Eru, are they not? - and eschew utterly the Choice of the Peredhel by leaving the world round but Un-Sundering the Sea, that the kindred might still live apart, if they wished it - the Elder in their land undying, the Younger in their realms of quick and sometimes joyful, often savage change - but that they might visit one another, at least, as they pleased.

(I mean, wasn't the false division of siblings the whole problem from the start?)

Random Additional Features of this Show/AU/Thing

All elf and ainu side characters, canonical and not, will be cast gender-blindly, and characters referred to with the understanding that elvish personal pronouns don't necessarily correlate with physical phenotype, but Ainur do generally try to match local standards of gender assignment. Dwarves will all use he/him (and have beards!) even when fairly clearly female.

I have no idea what Martha is doing for gender once she remembers being Túrin. With all the time Túrin spent with Elves, she probably rolls pretty smoothly with being she/her now, though it's weird. Her memories definitely integrate more easily than Fëanor/Seraphina's, though, as much because she's the same kind of being both times as because there's less of them.

Both protagonists are definitely bisexual. Martha has a range of love interests; it's a running joke (at first) that Seraphina has a total Thing for redheads. Any kind of redhead. But especially creative ones - any kind of art or invention.

The role of Gabriel WILL be played by Maglor, albeit with a different death (don't worry, he'll be back for the finale) and much more...gloominess. And angst. Okay, and maybe his first appearance, in s1 or 2, IS cursing them - not knowing who they are - into a musical episode. (A WOMAN HAS NEEDS; THE WOMAN IS ME.)

When Martha meets Fingolfin and/or any of Fëanor's other siblings, probably in s5 but maybe s4, they immediately Vibe completely. It's the shared experience of growing up with Fëanor for a sibling. Needless to say, Seraphina Hates This.

Their chief researcher friend is a dwarf, who is also on the young-ish side I think, and a woman (he/him).

There's gotta be a notable hobbit on the Team before the end, too...but overall, hobbits remain symbolically representative of the Civilians in this war story.

Durin is alive again somewhere. Durin usually reincarnates in time to guide his people through particularly difficult times - or, to try. Their dwarf friend - what the hell, I'll just call him Bobby - tries SO hard to be Cool about meeting him, and fails SO hard.

I generally prefer to judge and characterize the Valar and associated Maiar as fallible to the point of clumsiness or negligence but basically wise and thoroughly benevolent...but I AM willing to throw some of them under the characterization bus for ease of making conflict in this hypothetical CW show.

...I probably have many more random thoughts but it's 3am and I want to post this whole insane thing. Feel free to ask me questions if you have them! And/or petition both the Tolkien estate and a major TV network for the rights, money, and support to help me make the terrible but wonderful show we deserve!

[raewritesf1]

georgie changing little by little in the highschool genderbent au? yes. but max also experiencing the gf effect? yes. he stops being late all the time even to class (because georgie would be mad) and stops terrorising the student prefects when they try to enforce the rules (because georgie would be sad). they are truly experiencing some character development here wow they're chuck bass and blair waldorf but if they weren't sadists.

also brocedes parents they're the true childhood sweethearts like met when they were kids and grew up together and finally began dating when they were highschool (angry love confession during a school dance where lewis finally says fuck it because nico looks so lovely and happy and why isn't she with him, if you have seen 'flipped'). they graduate, get rich(er in nico's case, monaco princess ah well), get married, have two adorable demonic children and live happily ever after. georgie adored their love story growing up and secretly wanted what they had. only lando knew about the almost life long crush that she had on alex albon, their own childhood bff. only lando knew how heartbroken she was when he responded 'ha, never in your wildest dreams' to someone joking about georgie and alex together. it made her feel undesirable and she felt lost about love because it was kind of the only kind she felt she knew.

so when georgie starts dating max it worked in a way she didn't anticipate but was better than anything she imagined. - xoxo angst anon

Chuck and Blair if you take out literally all of the terrible things they do before and after they get together.

Brocedes are actually so flipped coded. Nico who meet Lewis when they were extremely young and fell for him immediately (baby Nico angrily huffing because Seb is talking to her Lewis >:( )though Lewis doesn’t feel the same and they get separated for a little and are reunited in high school when Nico starts questioning her long time crush on Nico just as Lewis is starting to realize his feelings for Nico. (Cue the winter formal and Lewis angrily huffing cause Jenson is dancing with Nico. His Nico >:( and he interrupts the dance and drag Nico away and finally does his whole angry confession and “cause you looking fucking stunning and your dancing with him when you should be with me!” >:(((( ) and they start dating and finally everything perfect minus that very small massive incident in college where they split up for a bit but everything is perfect and they grow up rich as hell and get a massive house and have two gremlin children

And Georgie fell in love with the story growing up. Her parent were always her idea romance and she always dreamed of having a love like theirs. So when she meet a young Alexander Albon in primary school she falls for hard him and she spend her whole youth being in love with Alex and just kind of assume that their going to be the perfect childhood friend to lover story like her parents. So when he kind of publicly (not realizing she can hear him) responds like that to the idea of being with her her world shatters (she ofc ends up in a car with Max going well over the speed limit because drowning your problems in alcohol and reckless driving is always the solution)

And in the end she falls for Max. Max who she met only 3 years after Alex. Max who she’s known for practically forever. Max who she hated near immediately after she met him. Max who’s been there through so much of her life she can’t really remember a time he wasn’t thereMax who she loves more than anything now.

I just think George looking for his childhood romance in Alex only to find it in Max is kinda neat :)

(Edit: the way I literally answered this days ago and just never forgot it was a drag and I had to change it to manually post)

[gay-caesar-truther]

Gunna yap about Gabriel seeing as his character sheet is done

(I haven't finished FO3, pretty much just got James back to Project Purity, so this is likely to change as stuff progresses and I learn more about what's going on)

If anyone wants to know anything about him lemme know 👉👈

General content warning for discussions of shitty mental health and trauma

(Loosey Goosey type summary at the end if you don't wanna read all that)

He's a MAJOR daddy's boy- he didn't get along with a lot of the other kids in the Vault so spent a lot of his time growing up hanging out with his dad, watching him work, learning things about medicine and helping organise all the tools.

When James left the Vault Gabe was DEVISTATED. He couldn't help but feel abandoned- Why would his dad leave? Was he not a good son? Did he do something wrong?

Then all the immediate fallout made him kinda resent his dad for a spell- (general how could he leave and be okay letting me deal with all that? Not that James knew the overseer was gunna utterly flip his shit ofc)

Once out of the Vault he learned pretty quickly that he cannot aim for shit, he just can't get the hang of guns and instead had to rely on a baseball bat and his fists. Begin a sheltered kid then suddenly up close a personal with all this violence took a major toll on his already shaky mental health.

When he reached Megaton he felt immediately out of place- he was unfamiliar with the social customs, he was naive and clueless about basically everything. He defaulted to Overly Polite in order to compensate but this came off (at least at first) to a lot of the settlers as him having a holier than thou attitude and as a result he wasn't well liked for a while.

He also struggles with the transactional nature of the wasteland (I help you, you help me), and got really frustrated that nobody would help him unless he but himself in danger. They KNEW he was inexperienced, frightened and confused and still demanded he go out into the wastes anyway.

He still goes out of his way to help people- giving up his own meager supplies for those in need, putting himself in danger time and time again, choosing to be kind where he can. He wants to be liked, he wants to be accepted and he wants to make the wasteland a kinder place than he found it. He puts the emotional and physical needs of others before his own (he's got a bit of a Martyr complex)

This feelings of abandonment with his dad, his feelings about being put in danger and not helped kinda manifested into a lot of anger and resentment. Hes MAD, at the world, hes made at his dad and hes mad at himself for being a terrible son and a terrible person. He takes that out on enemies in combat, and gets pretty damn good a punching thing but hates how relived the violence makes him despite his general dislike of such things.

He doesn't enjoy it though- all the blood and the fighting makes him feel like a monster. That he's commiting unspeakable sins and even if he finds his father Hes going to be so disgusted by the things he's done that he'll abandon Gabe AGAIN. It's something that haunts Gabe for a while, and he never quite gets over it, but he keeps looking for his dad, becuase James is all he has, despite his own fears of rejection and distain.

When he gets to Tranquility Lane and Braun's asking him to do all those shitty things to people in order to get his dad back- Gabe does it. No questions. He's come all this way, done all these horrible things- he swallows his revulsion, accepts this is how it is, and does whatever it takes to get his dad back. His actions at tranquility Lane deffo haunt him- he was selfish, he hurt people becuase he wanted his dad back so badly.

When he is FINALLY reunited with James he's kinda shocked that his dad doesn't hate him- He thought his dad would just be able to TELL that he's done bad things, that he's been selfish and cruel to get here but his dad seem oblivious to it. He kinda keeps himself away at first, afraid James is going to find out what hes done and hate him for it. There's still a lot of resentment about being left alone, even after Gabriel learns of project purity and that makes him feel so much worse. (Overall though Gabe is just so HAPPY to have is dad back and is finally able to relax a bit and start to process all the shit he's been through)

His dad left to go save lives, believing that Gabriel would be safe and relatively happy in the Vault, and Gabe hates himself for being so wishing his father had just stayed and left the people of the wasteland to suffer.

In summary- Gabriel's a Daddy's boy with a deeply unstable sense of self that hinges on his, often wildly incorrect, assumptions about how people perceive him. His perception of his own morality is massively incongruous with his actions. He's got abandonment issues, a martyr complex and is deeply angry at the wasteland, his dad and himself.

[trulybetty]

Gold Rush | Chapter Three

Pairing: Joel x OFC, OFC x OMC Warnings: Entering into mature content soon, a small mention of death and child loss, as always heavy with angst. Summary: Old lovers Joel and Charlotte find themselves unexpectedly reunited in the community of Jackson. Struggling to navigate the complexities of their shared history and the harsh realities of their new lives, the pair find themselves drawn to one another once again. AO3: Link

Chapter 3

The breath of cold air chased Charlotte into her house, the icy chill of the wind at her neck as she pushed the door closed behind her. Her eyes wide as her breath came in shallow gasps as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. Her hand lingered on the doorknob, her grip tight as if she expected it to turn at any moment. She turned to lean back against the wooden door, she held her breath and closed her eyes. It was if she was bracing for a knock at the door that would disrupt the silence.

A knock that would belong to Joel.

But the knock never came. 

Charlotte slowly released her grip on the doorknob and flipped the lock. Opening her eyes her gaze fell on the dimly lit interior of the house. She felt her heart squeeze in her chest at the sight of the familiar, comforting mess - the small heap of blankets on the couch, the cup of half-drunk tea on the coffee table, the open book facedown to keep its place. It was home, even with its lack of warmth.

A soft cough broke the silence and jolted Charlotte out of her thoughts, she looked up to see Marcus stood in the doorway to the kitchen, his tall broad frame filled the space. Basked in the glow of the kitchen light, it highlighted the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes as the beginnings of a smile tugged at his lips. 

"I wondered when you would come home," he said, his voice was deep, carrying a hint of humour that belied the concern in his eyes. His voice a deep rumble that echoed in the small hallway. 

Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, solid and dependable, causing a surge of warmth to spread through her. Beneath his rough exterior, he was kind and caring, his protective instinct extending towards those he cared about. This was a man who had seen the horrors of the world, both man-made and nature-inflicted, and yet, he had not let it harden him completely. 

Marcus looked to her empty hands and gave her a quizzical look, "What happened to the firewood?"

Charlotte groaned, she had been out collecting logs for the fire from the shared stockpile, Joel's appearance had caused her to forget why she had left the house all together.

"I ran into someone asking about council stuff," she swallowed hard, the truth pushed down - she didn't want to have a conversation about Joel with Marcus right now. He'd already had questions when word of her reunion with Joel in the square had reached him. Nothing staying quiet in Jackson for long. "I think we have enough for tonight." She forced a smile, meeting his gaze with quiet gratitude.

Marcus' face softened, understanding reflecting in his eyes. He walked over to her, his steps careful and measured, he placed a comforting kiss on her forehead, his hand briefly resting on her shoulder, "You hungry?"

She forced a smile, "I am."

---

Later, dinner long over the pair laid on the beaten green couch of Charlotte's living room. She ran her hand over Marcus' hair, a salt and pepper dusting of tight curls, as he read his book, his head in lap and her own book abandoned. He made jokes about the presence of the grey, admitting pre-outbreak he could be considered vein. Charlotte thought it only enhanced his attractiveness.

While Marcus's appearance held a magnetism that drew people to him, it was his quiet selfless demeanor that truly captured their hearts. He exuded kindness and compassion, always ready to lend a helping hand. His voice, deep and resonant, carried a soothing quality, instilling a sense of calm in those around him. Though she would never admit it, he reminded her of Joel, her Joel, the one before the outbreak.

Marcus had been a steady presence amidst the uncertainty in her early years in Jackson, he had been kind and understanding, never pressing for anything more than she was willing to give. Over time, their companionship had deepened into mutual respect and affection.

Their arrangement was an open secret in Jackson. They were both independent adults, neither of them seeking anything more than friendship. Taking pleasure in each other's presence without pressuring any official commitment, they held a mutual respect and understanding for one another. Although there were hints of attraction, neither of them wanted to carry the emotional risks that went with committing to a relationship. 

She watched him turn the page of his book, the sleeves of his tattered denim shirt rolled up. Scattered across his skin were numerous scars, a testament to his past as a Marine. One particularly visible one snaked up his right forearm, the result of a mortar blast he'd shared the first night they'd spent together. He'd told her of his life before the outbreak, a recent discharge due to his injuries and thrown into another war when the military pulled him back in to lock down Seattle, the city bore and raised him.

The military pulled everyone they could back into their ranks, discharged as a high ranking First Sergeant, the government, desperate for manpower and experience, reinstated him overnight. Along with his reinstatement came an equally high-ranking position when FEDRA was formed. 

Marcus had clung to the familiarity of the military procedures, holding onto the stringent routines and regulations. The rigid structure provided a sense of normalcy, a distraction from the fact the outbreak had claimed his wife. The military, with its call to duty and unwavering discipline, offered an escape from his grief. It allowed him to shut away his emotions, to focus on survival and duty, and for a time, it worked.

However, as the months turned into years, the reality of FEDRA's operations began to weigh on him. He witnessed the brutality inflicted in the name of control and order. He watched as fear and power manipulated individuals into monsters worse than those outside the quarantine zone.

The world had changed, and he couldn't be part of the system that was further propagating its downfall. So he headed East, down through Oregon, over Idaho and into Wyoming where he stumbled across the beginnings of the Jackson commune. Alongside a number of others, including Maria, Marcus dedicated himself to Jackson, helping to build and protect the community. 

Marcus bookmarked his page and closed the worn-out paperback. The comforting rhythm of Charlotte's fingers through his hair had ceased. He tilted his head back slightly, trying to catch her gaze. "You okay up there?" he asked, his voice breaking the stillness of the room.

"Hm?" came the distant response.

Marcus sat up and turned to face Charlotte, in the shadow of the lamp, the light not quite reaching across her face he could see the tiredness in her eyes. Her dark hair, usually loose, was messily gathered atop her head. Her gaze was far away, lost somewhere in the wilderness of her thoughts. She chewed absently on her lip, a habit she fell into when she was deep in thought or worried. Seeing her like this, withdrawn and distant, Marcus felt a pang of concern.

"Has this got something to do with Tommy's brother showing up this morning?" The mention of Joel caused her to flinch, she tried to play it off but her eyes gave her away. "Do you know why he's here?"

Up until yesterday, her concerns were relatively simple. The recent upheaval over patrol schedules had ruffled the feathers of Jackson's council, stirring up protests among the community. It was the sort of administrative drama she could easily manage. Now the very perplexing situation of running into your ex in a post-apocalyptic world? 

"No clue," she said forcing a smile, "no clue at all."

---

Marcus had returned to his own place the previous night, he'd sensed that Charlotte needed some space. His quiet concern, while well-intentioned, felt suffocating in her current state. Though he respected her evasion on the conversation of Tommy's brother, she'd felt his silent worry inescapable. It was an added layer of emotional weight she simply couldn't carry.

As sleep evaded her that night, Charlotte decided to embrace the dawn and get a head start. She tightened the scarf around her neck, bracing herself for the early morning winter chill, before shrugging on her trusty green plaid shacket.

Opening her front door to head out, the last person she expected to see was Tommy, his hand poised to knock. While his visits weren't uncommon - their bond in Jackson had only deepened since Boston - his sudden appearance this morning, so soon after Joel's return, had her guard up.

"Tommy," she greeted, her hand lingering on the door handle. "I was just heading out to the stables."

"I just got back from there," he replied, his voice steady. "The horses are all set for the morning."

"Oh. Okay." Her reply was short, her thoughts churning.

"Mind if I come in?" Tommy's question hung in the morning air.

In the pale morning light, the usual comforting hum of Charlotte's kitchen felt heavy and solemn. Tommy sat at the kitchen table, a steaming mug of coffee before him, untouched. He had just seen Joel and Ellie off, their departure shrouded in the misty dawn. Now, he was tasked with the unfortunate duty of breaking the news to Charlotte, who was bustling about the kitchen with an unusual urgency.

Tommy watched her move around the room, her movements were too abrupt, the clatter of dishes louder than necessary. It was her way of keeping busy and not to focus on what news Tommy was about to deliver. They had known each other for twenty-five years, and despite her best efforts to hide her emotions, Tommy could read her like an open book.

Things hadn't always been this way. When Tommy first returned from the military and started working with Joel in his one-man contracting business, he had been a self-absorbed, brooding mess. He had seen Charlotte as an intrusion into his relationship with his older brother, who had been his surrogate father figure since he could remember, stepping in when their own father had faded into the background after their mother's passing.

But Charlotte never engaged with his petulant behaviour. She offered him neither the confrontation he expected nor the attention he craved. Instead, she simply ignored him, which, to his surprise, frustrated him more than any argument.

A turning point came unexpectedly on a night out for drinks, Joel had convinced Tommy to join them. The night finished with Charlotte drinking both brothers under the table, her soft laughter filling the air as first Joel and then Tommy conceded. When the night was over, Charlotte turned to Tommy with a soft smile, her eyes filled with understanding. "I wondered when you'd finally catch on." 

It was a subtle acknowledgement that she had never been a threat to his relationship with Joel, but rather just an addition. From that moment on, things took a considerable shift From that moment, their relationship changed. Tommy began to see Charlotte as a friend, a confidante, and eventually, as a sister. Despite their rocky beginning, they had become an inseparable part of each other's lives.

But the world went to hell, and everything changed.

The end of the world brought a new dynamic to their relationship. Charlotte had always been a strong woman, but in the face of adversity, it seemed to shine a little brighter. At least that was the front she put on for everyone, Tommy knew it was her way of offering help to their tight knit trio. If she could remain calm and resilient then Joel and Tommy wouldn't have to worry about her so much, she knew her limitations on what she could bring to the group. Back then she wasn't as at ease with firearms, often voicing her concerns of gun ownership. Nor had she been in a fight a day in her life that wasn't a verbal one.

But she navigated even the darkest days with a willpower Tommy admired. And through it all, she stood by Joel, even when he was too lost in his grief to notice.

Tommy had found himself growing more protective of her, especially in those moments when he felt his brother was being unfair. He watched Charlotte nurse Joel through his catatonic grief in those early days in Austin while still trying to navigate her own.

When Joel succumbed to his demons, shutting out the world, Charlotte bore the brunt of his pain. She was the one who dealt with the nightmares, the silences, the outbursts. Tommy watched, torn between his loyalty to his brother and his concern for Charlotte. It was a tightrope he was forced to walk, always careful not to overstep his boundaries.

In those moments, Tommy found himself offering quiet support, a listening ear, and a shoulder to lean on. He tried to fill the gaps where he could, his protective streak flaring whenever he felt his brother was not being fair to Charlotte. Their bond deepened, a mix of shared sorrow, mutual respect, and a deep-seated need to survive.

Their relationship was a lifeline amidst the uncertainty of it all. And despite everything, Tommy found comfort in their bond. He knew Charlotte had his back, just as he had hers. 

From the onset, Tommy's inclination towards the Fireflies had been as clear as day. It was the idealistic glimmer in his eyes, the fervor in his voice when he spoke about them. Charlotte, in her status of confidante, was privy to his evolving ambitions. When Tommy finally confided in her about his plans, her reaction was as he expected, both disbelief and concern.

"Tommy," Charlotte groaned, pressing her fingertips to her forehead in an attempt to ward off the impending headache. "The Fireflies," she paused, looking up at him with an incredulous eyebrow arched high, "Really?"

"They're doing good things, Charlie," Tommy retorted defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. "They're making a difference."

"They like making problems, Tommy," she retorted sharply. "Just today, I saw the lineup of people at the North Church who lost their homes because of the last bomb the Fireflies set off." She said referring to the nonce a place of worship, now been repurposed by FEDRA for delivering aide.

"That was FEDRA's fault," he responded, almost automatically.

Charlotte snorted in disbelief. "FEDRA's fault they bombed a residential block?"

"Look, they're not perfect," Tommy conceded, the fire in his eyes not dimming an iota. "But it sure as hell beats sitting around here doing nothing and letting FEDRA win."

Charlotte raised an eyebrow as she shot him a steely gaze, "Sitting around here doing nothing?" she retorted, her tone frosty. She had known what he had meant by this, but wanted him to realise what he had said.

"You know what I mean. I don't have the same skill set as you, Charlotte. I don't have a law degree or your way with words. In just two weeks of arriving in Boston, you had already built a network, making changes and giving people hope. Me? I'm just following Joel around again. I was just a soldier in the Army, believing I could make a difference and look how that ended. Then I got out and started working with Joel, I kept promising myself that I would get my life together," he threw his hands up in a gesture to the desolate apartment he, Joel and Charlotte called home, "this happened, everything went to shit. I feel like I've missed my chance to do something meaningful."

"Tommy-" Charlotte started, her voice filled with concern.

"Charlotte, don't." Tommy interrupted, his tone resolute.

"No, I will - you're just as important Tommy, if if wasn't for you we'd still be in that shitty excuse of a QZ in Austin. Don't get me started on how many deals of Joel's that he thinks he scored when it was you that did the work. Please don't sell yourself short."

Tommy's silence spoke volumes, a mixture of gratitude and hesitation. 

"Just don't tell Joel okay, I'm going to speak with Marlene tomorrow." Tommy finally revealed, his voice tinged with determination.

The gravity of his words doused ice down Charlotte's spine, their implications sinking in. She knew the risks he would be taking, the dangers that would come with joining Marlene. Fear whispered to their thoughts and she tried to shake herself of the cold dred that filled the pit of her stomach.

"Just promise me you'll be careful," she pleaded softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Always am, Charlie," he reassured with what was supposed to be a playful wink, but his voice lacked the conviction that convinced Charlotte that he would be.

She had watched as he rose from the kitchen table, making his way to his room. The soft click of the door closing behind him echoed in her ears, filling her with a sense of foreboding. The four of them, reluctantly including Tess, were all walking on a precarious tightrope, balancing between survival and sacrifice, and Charlotte couldn't shake the feeling that they were teetering on the edge of a precipice where one wrong move would mean they would sink or swim.

Now, in all too different circumstances, a vastly different life for them both in Jackson - ironically at a kitchen table again - the reappearance of Joel had Charlotte feeling like she was precariously on the edge of something again.

"Charlotte," Tommy started, his voice measured and low. He was familiar with her ways of avoidance, after all. "Joel left this morning, with the girl, Ellie." he paused, "He didn't say if he'd be back."

The clatter of dishes paused for a moment, the only sound in the room was the running of water into the sink. Charlotte didn't turn, keeping her back to Tommy. "I see," was all she said, her voice steady her eyes fixed on the cracked window pane as she watched the early morning sun filter in.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked after a long silence, his gaze soft.

Charlotte gave a small laugh, though it lacked genuine humor as she turned off the tap. "Of course, I'm fine, Tommy," she assured him, her smile forced. It was an obvious lie to Tommy and she hoped for once he would ignore calling her out on it. Her eyes, usually lively and expressive, held a sadness that betrayed her. 

A part of her, however tiny, harbored the hope that Joel would have said goodbye, despite the bitter exchange they'd had the night before. He had no obligation to her, of course, and it was hypocritical of her to expect any, but it still didn't help the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Did he say anything?” Charlotte finally asked, her voice barely audible. The question hung heavy in the room.

Tommy frowned, the two had agreed a very long time that lies were not akin to survival, and they'd be honest with one another. He didn't know that Joel had come across her in the square the night before and Charlotte didn't feel it necessary to share, nothing of consequence beside him explaining his journey from Boston with Ellie. 

However last night, seeing Joel so beyond broken down, a shell of the Joel he'd left in Boston, Tommy took pause in sharing this with Charlotte. Did she need to know that everything she had predicted would become of Joel if she would be leave actually happened? That he would look around and realise the was alone having pushed everyone away? Did she need to know all this? He saw the life she had been slowly building for herself. Finding peace finally in the Jackson commune, the whatever they were calling it this week relationship with Marcus and the leadership she brought to the commune with Maria as a part of the council. He'd finally started seeing genuine smiles from her again in the past couple of years. Did he really want to take that away from her?

"No." Tommy managed to say delivering it as both a statement and a full sentence.

"So, he just left?" Tommy nodded, now she was getting irritated. "So he just turns up, then fucks off without a word? That's it?"

Tommy let out a heavy sigh, the weight of the situation evident in his weary eyes. He rubbed his temple, trying to gather his thoughts. "I don't have all the answers, Charlotte."

Charlotte's frustration grew, her voice tinged with exasperation. "I mean, seven years ago he was content to let you go, let me go. And now all of a sudden, he wants to find you? What changed?"

Tommy's gaze fell, his voice filled with a mix of regret and uncertainty. "I stopped radioing him."

"You were radioing him? All this time?!" Charlotte's eyes widened in disbelief, this was new information - Jackson was off the grid, which meant off the radio unless it was an emergency. "And what, you just stopped messaging him?"

Tommy nodded, feeling the weight of his decision pressing on him. "Maria thought it might be doing more harm than good. She said it was better to lay low, to keep our presence hidden."

"Jesus christ, Maria knew? So you stopped reaching out to Joel because Maria said so?" Charlotte's tone was incredulous, disbelief lacing her words.

"It was supposed to be temporary," Tommy admitted, a tinge of guilt creeping into his voice. "I was going to reach out again."

He could sense the shift in Charlotte's emotions, her anger in confusion of Joel's return, Tommy's admission he'd been in contact with Joel all these years at war against her own feelings for not only their shared history but the strained relationship between the two brothers.

"You never said anything." and Charlotte knew why, "You never told him I found you did you?"

Tommy hung his head, it was all the admittance Charlotte needed. She drummed her fingers on the wooden table across from Tommy, "I see." was all she could say. 

So Joel hadn't left Boston to look for her and Tommy had not thought it worthy news that she, by the skin of her teeth had managed to find him and was alive. Which meant it was very much confirmation Joel hadn't ever mentioned her departure from the QZ on any of their communications.

Suddenly, Charlotte felt a stifling need to escape. The four walls of her kitchen felt like they were closing in. Despite it being her haven, her sanctuary, she had to leave the same feelings she experienced when Joel chose the QZ over her all those years ago began to surface and she was struggling to focus. "I can't be around you right now," she said not looking at him. She gestured to Tommy with his cup of coffee untouched. "Stay as long as you want, just lock the door after you."

---

There had been plenty of work to get busy with once she left Tommy at her house. A community to help lead, a life to live. Joel had made his choice, and she had made hers. However by the afternoon, the usual tactics weren't working, her chest got tight, her ears ringing she felt like the world was spinning around her.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she tried to force herself to push down the wave of emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She'd reached her limit. She found herself walking aimlessly, drawn in the direction of the Tipsy Bison. Running a shaky hand through her hair, she sat down at the end of the bar, a silent nod to Kelly who was holding fort that afternoon and who wordlessly placed a glass of whiskey in front of Charlotte. She hated the stuff, but it was a fast and sure way to clear her mind.

Charlotte knocked back another shot of whiskey, her mind spun with conflicting emotions. This wasn't her, she thought bitterly, tracing her finger along the rim of the now empty glass. She had spent years building a life of stability and purpose in Jackson. But now, with Joel's unexpected return, her carefully constructed facade was crumbling and she was mentally trying to hold it all together and failing. The memories, the unresolved feelings, they all rushing back too fast and colliding with her efforts to move forward. 

The buzz of the Tipsy Bison was a dull hum in Charlotte's ears, the myriad of voices fading into the background as she drowned her sorrows in an uncountable number of refills. At some point, Kelly had just left her the bottle. The alcohol warmed her, chasing away the cold dread of Joel's reappearance and Tommy's revelation.

Attempting to pour another shot of whiskey Charlotte watched Marcus lean against the bar next to her. A familiar face in a crowd of blurry shapes. He took the bottle from her and filled the glass.

Marcus, who knew her well enough to understand the look in her eyes. Marcus, who knew how to handle her in the best and worst of times.

"Marcus," she slurred slightly, sidling up to him with a too-wide smile on her face, her arm slipping around his waist. "You know, you're really lovely."

He laughed, a deep, rumbling sound that made her heart flutter, but his eyes remained serious as he caught her wandering hand and gently moved it away. "I think you've had enough, Charlotte," he said firmly.

Charlotte shot back the drink Marcus had poured with surprising ease despite her current state. A frown formed on his face. Word had gotten back to Tommy that Charlotte had been drinking since the early afternoon. While she hadn't been causing any issues, it was uncharacteristic of her. Not wanting to make it any worse between them, Tommy had sought out Marcus to check in on Charlotte, making an excuse for himself.

Marcus recalled his conversation from the previous night with Charlotte, remembering the stillness in her voice when he mentioned Tommy's brother.

"I'm fiiiine," she protested, her hands reaching out to grip his shirt, pulling herself closer to him and to steady herself on her suddenly unstable feet.

Marcus just shook his head, his hands on her arms, providing stability. "Maybe it's time to call it a night?"

With surprising ease, he helped her up from her barstool and wrapped her arm around his waist, guiding her out of the bar. Charlotte leaned heavily on him, feeling the world spin slightly around her.

He helped her walk the way home, his grip steady and comforting. She didn't protest when he laid her down on her bed, her body sinking into the soft mattress.

"Stay..." she mumbled, her hand reaching out to grab his, but Marcus just shook his head, a soft smile on his face.

"Not tonight, Charlotte," he said, gently removing her hand and tucking her into bed. "Sleep it off."

And with that, he turned and left, leaving Charlotte alone with her thoughts in the echo of Joel's absence.

---

The sun was a glaring intrusion when Charlotte woke, a pounding headache pulsating behind her eyes. She groaned, the taste of stale alcohol in her mouth, and memories of the previous night came flooding back. Images of Marcus and her pathetic advances made her wince.

She rolled out of bed, moving slowly to lessen the pounding in her skull. A quick shower helped, but it was clear she wasn't going to shake this hangover easily.

With a deep breath, she decided to face the mess she'd made. Gathering her strength, she headed over to Marcus' place, feeling the morning sun warming her skin, the light only amplifying her headache.

She found Marcus outside his house, hammer in hand as he worked on repairing a fence. He looked up at her approach, his dark eyes warm despite her behavior last night.

"Charlotte," he greeted her, putting his tools down and wiping his brow with the back of his hand.

"Marcus," she said, her voice strained. She cleared her throat, trying to find the right words. "About last night, I... I'm sorry. I was out of line."

He studied her for a moment, his gaze steady. Then he chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it, Charlotte. We've all had nights we're not proud of."

His easy forgiveness was a balm to her embarrassment. "Still, I shouldn't have..." she trailed off, her apology hanging in the air between them.

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. "And yet, here we are, still friends." Then, with a tilt of his head, he gestured towards his house. "I've got some breakfast going. You look like you could use some food."

Charlotte hesitated, then nodded, grateful for his kindness. As she followed him inside, she couldn't help but feel a rush of gratitude for his understanding and his unwavering friendship, something that had become a rare commodity in their world.

After breakfast, they settled onto Marcus's porch, a soft morning breeze causing the leaves in the trees to rustle gently. The day was warming up, the sun already high in the sky, but under the shade of the porch, it was still cool.

Marcus slid onto the bench next to Charlotte, their bodies close enough that their shoulders brushed. His hands, weathered and cracked from the winter air, cradled a cup of coffee, the steam twisting upwards in the chill morning air.

Charlotte, wrapped in one of Marcus jackets on top of her own, looked out into the horizon. The rising sun was beginning to touch the tops of the buildings, setting them aglow. 

There was a lengthy silence as Marcus took a sip of his coffee, his gaze also fixed on the sunrise. Charlotte knew he was giving her time, giving her space. Finally, feeling the weight of the silence, she decided to break the quiet.

"His name is Joel," she began, her voice barely a whisper against the quiet of the morning. She swallowed, her throat dry. "We were together, before the outbreak...and then after." Her voice was soft, the raw emotion carefully hidden behind each word.

Marcus turned to look at her. His eyes held a softness, and a compassion that warmed her from the inside. "And the girl?" he asked, his voice just as gentle.

"Ellie, I think? She’s not Joel's." Charlotte responded, leaving it at that, she was still trying to process all of what Joel had said the night before. 

A simple nod from Marcus acknowledged her response. He had this ability to communicate volumes with minimal words. During her time in Jackson, Charlotte had remained guarded about her past, only sharing her true connection to Tommy with Maria because Tommy himself had revealed Charlotte's existence before she'd even contemplated leaving the Boston QZ. Joel was a ghost, a figure absent from her tales about her past life. 

That was until last night.

"Joel and I..." she faltered, choking on the words. "We had a daughter, Sarah." Her eyes pricked with tears as she confessed this long-held secret. "She was his biological child. My... my step-daughter, but she felt like no less than all mine."

"Family," Marcus stated, recognizing the significance of her confession.

Charlotte nodded, wiping away a tear that had dared to slip down her cheek. "Yeah."

A somber silence settled between them, each lost in their own memories. Marcus was the one to break it this time. "Naomi," he said, his voice heavy with unspoken pain. "That was my wife's name. She...she was pregnant when the outbreak started."

The information hit Charlotte like a punch in the stomach. She knew about his wife, knew about his loss, but this was the first time Marcus had revealed his wife's name, the first time he had mentioned their unborn child. Her heart ached for him.

"I'm sorry, Marcus," she whispered, reaching over to cover his hand with hers. "I'm so, so sorry."

His eyes, dark with shared pain, looked at their entwined hands. "We all have our ghosts, Charlotte," he began, his voice barely above a whisper, his fingers gently squeezing hers. The simple gesture radiated a warmth that spread through her, grounding her in the present moment.

Charlotte looked up at him, her lips curving into a soft smile. "You always know just what to say, don't you, Marcus?" she joked, the gentle teasing lacing her words. His wisdom often took her by surprise, belied his age, and felt like reading snippets from a self-help book.

A comfortable silence enveloped them, their bodies finding solace in the closeness they shared. Charlotte's head found a resting place on Marcus's shoulder, her worries momentarily quieted. The weight of the past pressed against her, her head barely above the tide. The mantra she had clung to since Outbreak Day echoed in her mind: keep moving, keep busy.

There was no time to sit in the past, it did little to help. She had no clue what was ahead, but she'd keep herself busy and keep moving forward. If only to just try and keep a few steps ahead of the looming past she was always trying to keep exactly there, in the past.

[i-lurk-at-night]

Character ask: Jolyne and Jotaro

Sexuality headcanon:

Jotaro: aroace or demiromantic ace

Jolyne: bi bi bisexual bi

Gender headcanon:

Jotaro: cis man, though I could also see him be non binary and he just hasn’t realized it

Jolyne: cis woman

A ship I have with said character:

Jotaro: I don’t really have any strong feelings for any Jotaro ships, but I do find jotahan extremely funny because I love imagining Josuke and friends trying to sabotage their dates xD I have also seen a lot of really good jotakak and jotawife stuff, so I like those too even if I don’t have a strong attachment to them.

Jolyne: jolymes, foolyne, foolymes, prison girlfriends forever <333333

A BROTP I have with said character:

Jotaro: Polnareff! I need them to reunite post part 5 so bad.

Jolyne: I really enjoyed her interactions with Emporio and Weather (god I wish they teamed up more) and her girlfriends are also her besties ofc <3

A NOTP I have with said character:

Jotaro: uhh the only ones I can think of is him with like. his family members or Dio I guess idk I don’t really see people ship him with anyone other than Kakyoin or his wife, so there’s no ship that I see regularly that makes me go “URGGH HATE”

Jolyne: okay please don’t kill me but I don’t really like Anasui so I don’t really like him and Jolyne together sorry 😭

Random headcanon:

Jotaro: Lisa Lisa taught him the cigarette trick that Polnareff and Kakyoin wanted Oingo to do while he was disguised as Jotaro.

Jolyne: this is so not canon compliant but I love the idea that she visited Giorno and friends at some point when she was younger and Polnareff and Mista are the ones that taught her how to flip the bird French and Napoli style GUFHJGFHGDF

General opinion over said character:

Jotaro: okay so. I got into jojo’s when I was about 15-ish and back then I actually really hated him lmao (I thought he was really boring in part 3 and I was annoyed that EOH focuses waaaay too much on him to the detriment of the other jojos). He’s still my least favorite jojo (if judged on debut part only) but he has grown A LOT on me since then, and I ADORE him post part 3.

Jolyne: she’s not my favorite jojo but god I love her. It’s hard for me to put into words but like, when I first read stone ocean years ago, she clicked with me immediately and I think she’s a really enjoyable and honestly very, idk, down to earth character? Like if you asked me which jojo I would want to hang out with it’d probably be her (or Josuke). If part 10 ever becomes a thing, I do hope we get another female jojo, but if we don’t then I’m happy that the female jojo we have is as great as she is.

also anyone that calls her a failure of a protag because she didn’t beat pucci can f*cking shove it.

[heyzeil]

OOH OOH! YOU SHOULD TALK MORE ABLUT THE REUNITED AU!!! /NF OFC

Gladly! Let me take this opportunity to talk more about Blueberry Pie and Eclair’s origins/childhood in this AU.

🌠 Blueberry Pie has always been very independent. She never liked working in groups and preferred to do things her own way. She comes from a family of known (though unwealthy) scholars, so she expects herself to exceed their standards. Blueberry Pie never got along with her peers and was known to be cold and rude to them if they tried to talk to her. Her teachers tried to help her be more social, but it never worked. Not like she cared anyway.

🌠 Eclair was sheltered for most of his early childhood. He was around maybe 10 years old when the Blue Cheese Manor fell and left him and his siblings without a permanent home. They all eventually found a shelter home and Earl Grey (his oldest sibling) managed to get him back into school in the middle of Eclair’s 6th grade year. However, Eclair was still shaken from the incident, and it showed in his actions at school. He never wanted to talk to anyone, listen to the lectures, or do his schoolwork.

🌠 That’s when their teacher decided to sit them next to each other. They thought that it could be a learning experience for both of them if they worked together. And yeah, it may have been a stupid idea.

🌠 Blueberry Pie absolutely hated Eclair. She thought he was annoying with how little he cared about their work. And being forced to work with a partner when she has expressed that she prefers to work alone bothered her to no end. It got to the point where she stopped trying to work with him and just did all their partner assignments herself.

🌠 Though it wasn’t long before Blueberry Pie started to feel… pity(?) for Eclair. She noticed how hopeless he seemed all the time. How much of class time he’d spend quietly sobbing to himself. How at the end of each day when he ran out to, who she presumed to be his older siblings, and clung to them like it would be the last time he’d see them. She didn’t know why he acted like this and it was getting exhausting to watch every day. She hated it.

🌠 That’s when she thought: Maybe if she could find something else for him to focus on, it would spare her from having to see him like this, even if it would just be for a day.

🌠 One thing Blueberry Pie noticed about Eclair is that he seemed to have an interest in dragons. If he wasn’t resting his head down on the desk, he was flipping though classroom books looking at pictures of the mythical beasts. So she used that knowledge to her advantage.

I guess you could say it worked. Maybe a little too well…

(reblogs appreciated)

[hongism]

IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP MOC 47 IS FOREVER INGRAINED IN MY MINDS EYE!!! Dude how do you manage to still get me SO GOOD with each chapter DAMN. I sadly saw the brief spoiler about you know who and was like WHATTTTT so I read it and omfg bro, bro. SO GOOD. Like what a way to end that, it was just breathtakingly painful in the best of ways. I LOVE the character growth of MC in this you have no flipping idea, her calling Hyunwoo out for his OWN GOD COMPLEX??? BAM!! Proud moment. I just love seeing her come to terms with herself about who she is and her own issues. Because that’s where the healing REALLY begins is with yourself. AND HONGJOONGGGG!! I can’t blame him for doing what he did and it prob won’t be the last time he’s gotta make these hard decisions since he’s gotta look out for himself and his crew. But that moment between them?? Where’s he like I’ll bury him. Broke me. Just that one glance of pure emotion and humanity to show her that he isnt completely void of emotions. I cry. They really are the same. AND JONGHOOOOO IM CRYING BABYYYYYYY!! That hug? I needed that, needed to read that. That was just ugh, so cute. And Wooyoung and Yeosang maybe heading off to patch things up? 🥹🥹🥹, but OMFG THAT HWA AND JOONG MOMENT?? Bro I got my theory that something finally imploded from HoJoong relationship and Seonghwa. But also something happened with Seonghwa going to possibly kill his mother since that never really got clarified if she did die??? I’m so MF hyped for this next chapter and interim and the drinking chapter like YES. I also CANNOT wait for MC and San to be reunited once again. Do not part my babies from each other again like that so soon 😭. I hope they all get some healing and rest in before more shit flies their way. Overall, tho you’ve been gone for a hot minute, this chapter was such good food and I’m buzzing thinking about what’ll happen next 💞🥹. Until then, take care of yourself Caly ✨✨

KJDFHWUEIFHWEF UR TAKING ME OUT PLS AH!

ITS SO EXCITING TO SEE HER GROW I KNOWWWW man it’s so satisfying as a writer to finally reach that point of growth too i get so giddy when i post bc i can’t wait to see people’s reactions to it, and as fun as it is to show fucked up mistakes and all that, i do so adore showing people help themselves the right way and work on themselves in a healthy way too ugh <333

that specific moment with hongjoong was so raw to write that i almost broke down too </3 then ofc so many things happened back on the ship and so MUCH!!! but i think you are the closest on the mark with what is going on between seonghwa and hongjoong heheheh no one has quite gotten there except for you!!!!

[hoodiewithhorns]

━  using your safeword scenarios p.2 ★

characters :  koshi sugawara, atsumu miya, kotaro bokuto 

i decided to make this the p.2 and include suga since like 3 ppl asked for him so yeah !!

p.1   + m.sterlist + requests  

(please read the rules before requesting ty.)

▼ cw :  not proof read, f! reader , size kink + not enough prep , spanking, dumbification, degradation, daddy/master kink, dacryphilia,  hurt + comfort, red! used as safeword, authority kink, angst, established relationship, all characters are 18+, MDNI ▲

Sugawara 

- he was always a softie to you

- praising you at everything you did and calling you a goodgirl too <3

- but when you reunited with your friends from highschool they all talked about how their partners would go rough on them bringing you curiosity on the thought of suga being rough with you

- they teased you for having such a soft boyfriend while they went on and on about how you should try it out too.

〜 ☆

- you wondered what would make him tick so you tried being a bit bratty when you got home

- you’d reply with “make me” and he was clueless he’d just go “uhh..okay? can you please sit down?”

- having enough of it he confronted you about it 

he hovered over you on top of the couch, staring into your eyes with worry. “y/n what’s gotten into you today? are you okay honey?” his voice was soft, full of  concern. you sighed avoiding his worrisome gaze at you. you felt bad for making your boyfriend become worry about you. he at first assume you had a bad day with your friends since you never acted so bratty towards him.

you took a deep breath now turning to face him completely, with your face slowly heating up. “its nothing koshi..i just wanted to try something” he titled his head in confusion at your words. “you wanted to try to be a brat to me? why would you wanna do that?” your cheeks now fully red in embarrassment. “n-no i thought maybe you could be a bit more um..rough with me..” he blinked a few times to analyze what you just told him.

i-its fine if you don’t want t-to!” you covered your face with your hands while he sighs in relief glad you weren’t having a bad day. he chuckled, pulling you into his arms to have you seated on his lap. “now what brought this up my love?” he asks kissing your forehead while he roams his hand through your hair. “well.. my friends said they really enjoyed it when their partners were rough with them and i just wanted to try it out so i thought being bratty might you know...make you wanna put me in my place and stuff..” you shyly spoke as you fiddle with your hands, a sign of nervousness he’s picked up from having dating you so long. 

“you sure baby?” his voice now sounding serious. the sad part was you weren’t entirely sure if you wanted this. feeling pressured to do it if you were being honest. you were fine with the way sex with suga was soft, nice and sweet. you did enjoy when he would speed up his thrusts when his high was approaching, but even at that you’d let tears fall at the stretch of him going fast. 

ignoring your uncertainty, you nodded looking him in the eyes. he could tell you were still nervous, but if you were okay about it he couldn’t say no to his princess. he kissed your cheek while getting close to your ear, whispering seductively “well since you were all bratty don’t you think you deserve a bit of punishment?” you looked up at him with clueless eyes, clenching your thighs together at his new tone. 

“um o-okay..koshi-”

“master, let’s go with that alright princess?”

you nodded letting him position you down on his lap, your stomach on his knees and head resting on the couch cushion. “ you know the safeword right darling?” you tried to look up at him, but your movements being limited. 

“yes koshi..”

“koshi?” he questions.

“ah i-i mean master!” you quickly corrected yourself. 

he patted your head smiling at your obedience. “goodgirl..now then” he tugged the waistband of your skirt smirking at your eager wiggle for him to remove them faster still felling uneasy, but full of anticipation  at what suga had in store for you. “now now, be patient you’re not supposed to enjoy your punishment you know?” 

“m’ sorry master..” he slid your skirt down, removing it finally, tossing it to the side of the living room, leaving you with nothing but underwear that was soaked with your juices. he rubbed soothing circles on your asscheek before he placed a mean slap on it. you jumped at the unexpected sting, your eyes starting to water with no tears falling just yet. “such a naughty thing huh?” landing another slap on your ass rubbing it to sooth the pain. the sting feeling good but the words he spoke starting to get you, breaking you down one by one. 

“what happened to my goodgirl huh? she came home so bratty..such a badgirl.” your pupils shrunk at the fact he called you bad. goodgirl was something he’d always call you making you blush and smile but the fact now you were his badgirl set something off in you. 

you wanted to push the feeling off you really did, but the slaps on your ass made you feel hazy and your tears started to fall on the couch. “why so quiet?you sure had a lot to say when you came home. is my badgirl finally gonna take her punishment like she’s supposed too?” slapping your ass once more leaving hand prints on it now that were bound to stay for awhile. 

you didn’t respond, instead you just sobbed in on yourself feeling small and pathetic that the fact he called you a badgirl was enough to make tears stain your cheeks. he froze turning you to face him on his lap. “hey baby you okay?was it too much??” 

“r-red..” finally speaking, he quickly pulled you in his embrace peppering your faces with kisses letting out soft apologies. “why’d you force yourself baby?” he whispers kissing you softly yet full of love.

“i-i’m still your goodgirl... right? i didn’t mean to be bad i promise..i thought i could take it but..” the feeling of guilt starting to take over you.

“but what baby you can say it i won’t get mad, i could never” you rested your head on his shoulder wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“i couldn’t..i like it when you’re soft with me..c-can we do that instead?? please master!”

he smirked at the fact you called him master, it made his cock twitch in his jeans. relief he didn't hurt you, he started kissing down your neck, letting one hand wander up your shirt to play with your hardening nipple. 

“of course. whatever my goodgirl wants. just please never force yourself to do anything ever again till you’re 100% okay with. got it?”

“yes master.”

Atsumu

- this man is kinda like kuroo 

- heavy with his degradation. 

- you didn’t mind ofc!! he’d reassure you he didn't mean what he said with his aftercare

- but tonight, he told you to ride him since you were being extra needy for him.

- he wanted to tease you and not fully give in and help you cum just to mess with you and have you beg.

-and well...he may have mixed in some dumbification.

- lets just say you might have taken some things to heart.

he clicked his tongue disappointed at your attempts to bounce on his cock. it hurt just dropping onto his dick but each time you bounced on it, you could feel the painful drag stretching your walls open making you sob. “come on..that all you got? it’s no fun having a dumb crybaby on my cock.” him calling you dumb catches you off guard, but choosing to ignore it you tried again this time quickening your pace.

he didn’t even let a grunt at the feeling just staring at you with a look of disapproval, already panting in exhaustion. he sighed getting tired of seeing you’re pathetic movements, he pushed you back down to take initiative having his cock still stuffed inside you. you let out a yelp at the unexpected change as he started rutting his hips into you, using your hips as support to hold himself, you moaned gripping his shoulders for support as your eyes rolled back to your head.

“was that so hard? i thought dumb needy sluts would try harder to try and get what they want.” he tutted, ramming into you meaner and harder, his cock grazing the tip of your cervix. you choked out a sob trying to look back at him, starting to not like were this was going.“m’..i was  trying my best daddy..”

“were you though? as always my dumb slut needs her daddy to step in and help her since she can’t do anything right.” the last sentence making your heart stop and everything around you freeze. did he really see you this way? as a dumb needy slut who can’t do anything right? you thought back to all the times you needed his help even beyond sex like when you’d ask him to help you get something that was too high up for you at a store, needed him to walk you home cause you weren’t strong enough to defend yourself. 

all these memories making your head feel dizzy. did he mean it??he never complained he was always happy to help his girlfriend. you started to continuously sob out apologies. your tears being easily mistaken for tears of pleasure, which only turned him on even more. 

“aw.” he faked sympathy for you with a frown, grabbing your chin to look at him. “its okay, daddy will find a use for you. after all the only thing you’re good at is being a dumb cocksleeve for me to pump full.” his eyes were dark when he spoke almost sadistically. the pleasure you were once receiving from him started turning to pain making you scream. 

“no more!! red! red! please atsumu stop!” he pulled out the second you tried pushing him off. 

he took a step-back watching as you slowly breakdown in front of him. he was scared, terrified even at seeing you so hurt you went as far as to use the little strength in you to push him off. 

he got off the bed running to the bathroom to grab a towel to wipe you. he returned sitting at the foot of the bed slowly approaching you with shaky hands. proceeding to wipe your tears away with it, glad you didn’t flinch at him. 

“hey..no more tears it’s okay its okay─i didn’t mean it i swear!” his voice cracked, with his eyes starting to water as well. you flipped yourself over to rest your head on his thigh. “thank god.” he mumbled looking up in relief. he was scared you were mad at him or was mad at him forever. 

the room was silent for a few minutes with only the movements of atsumu playing with your hair telling you over and over again how sorry he was.

“am i really that useless atsu..?” you mumbled, the thought of you calling yourself useless, being drilled into your head by atsumu made his heart sink. he quickly corrects you, pulling you up off his thigh into a tight hug, swinging you back and forth like a toddler. 

“NO! NO! thats untrue! i-i’m so sorry you’re not useless! you a very useful pretty baby that i love more than a-anything so don’t ever say that!” his tears falling down his cheeks hitting your skin. you started to feel your tears come up again too. you didn’t precisely see him cry, but you could tell by his broken tone he was almost as hurt as you. 

you wrapped your arms around him, as he gripped onto you tighter, scared you’d runaway or leave. 

“i’m sorry baby....i promise to never call you those things ever again.” he promised pulling away to look you in the eyes. you smiled making his heart skip a beat. 

“let’s go to sleep okay prettygirl?”

Bokuto

- he can get out of hand

- i wouldn’t say bokuto would be as rough vocally as the previous ones.

- HOWEVER, his cock is something you’ll never get used to

- each time you two did he had to prep you and even then it still hurt.

- you never complained though it was always temporary.

- he came home after a stressful game and only won because of pure luck.

- he was tired and needed to blow off steam immediately

- you being his cute wife was happy to help <3

he sloppily kissed down your neck, unbuttoning your shirt to have a turn at your breasts. you bit your lip to suppress your moans. “come on baby make some noise will ya?” he said removing your shorts completely before sucking at your clit making you wince, your eyes screwed shut at the pleasure. he began to stuff a finger in you feeling you clench around his finger.

“yeah just like that─fuck you’re really wet baby.” he licked his lips at the sight of your wet cunt. removing his finger completely, while running his thumb up and down your folds. he was getting impatient wanting to just ruin you already. he unbuckled his pants removing it quickly not remembering how big he was compared to you. removing his boxers just to let his cock spring free. you opened your eyes to see his tip slowly enter you. 

“w-wait bo! need more p-prep!”

“come on baby your a big girl right? you can take it.” your head fell back into the pillow as tears streamed down your cheeks at the stretch. no matter no many times bokuto fucked you it still hurt. you gripped a chunk of the bed sheets in your fists tightly, holding onto it for your dear life. 

he slowly went in you fully throwing his head back at how your gummy walls clenched around him so tightly. he knew it hurt you but it brought him a lot of pleasure that it did. the fact your tiny little hole would stretch pass its limit just to accumulate his fat cock was almost enough to make him cum right there.

he stilled for a few seconds, only to thrust roughly into you like a man starved of lust. you screamed as his fat cock dragged along your walls at the abnormal pace.  you didn’t know if you could last if you were being honest, it hurt it really did. normally, it would last a few thrusts but this time it lasted way too long for your liking. 

“bo! please s-slow down─ah!” he sped up his paces being too lost in his own pleasure to hear you. “bo!” you screamed still not getting his attention. 

feeling uneasy you let out a yell of the safeword “RED!” he halted his thrusts looking down at your face that was streaming with tears. 

‘oh no oh no i─ baby i’m sorryyyy!” his hair flopping down going into his emo mode. he collapsed on top of you falling on your breasts looking up at you like a wounded puppy. you chuckled and played with his hair while he hugged you tightly. still in you.

“ its okay bo..” you smiled while he got off your breast to cup your face kissing it softly. 

“i’m sorry i didnt realize i was hurting you baby─ do you want me to stop we can stop!-”

“no bo its okay!its okay!” you quickly reassured kissing his cheek falling back on the bed rubbing your remaining tears away.

“just go slow okay? then when i’m fully ‘adjusted’ you can go fast and as rough as you want.”

you whispered making his emo mode fade away and his face light up with glee like he just won a prize.

“r-really? as rough as i want?” he asked making sure, you smiled in response. “yes bo. just start slow okay? i promise.” he nodded placing his hands at your sides to thrust slowly into you. he lowered himself to you and you wrapped your arms and legs around him while he began to kiss you passionately. 

☆〜 

 bokuto’s is really soft he’s a goofball and i love em sm. also never wrote for suga before?? i hope you suga stans liked it tho it was kinda hard to write him since i don’t seem him as the type to degrade his partner he’s just here to please his baby.

i still am taking requests all links are above and down here. remember to drink water. oh and heres the m.sterlist in case you missed it <3♡

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Sun 6 June ‘21

Charlie posted a super cool pic of Louis singing in the studio- from when they were seen together on Friday over by the studio judging by Louis’ shirt- captioned “mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this.” Louis cropped and reposted it captioned simply, “studio”, and then Dave Gibson (songwriter, Walls the song) ALSO reposted the pic with eyeball and fire emoji, HELLO SIR. Louis also posted a pic of another vintage England jersey (show off) captioned Day 5 (of the Euros, I guess he’s counting from either when the England lineup was announced or the first pre-competition match) and retweeted a post cheering on Marcus Rashford, who captained the team for today’s game. Some people say he’s misreading his fandom, but that is blatant Football Index community erasure, for shame! (Even aside from the fact that he’s posting about something he’s into like... not everything has to be tailored to 1D fan taste, jeez. And ofc the brit rock fans he’s trying to court love football...) Anyway, the love affair between FI traders and the rest of their louie kin is still going strong and the FI guys, seeing their moment to shine with Louis’ fantasy football league, have stepped up to help out their comrades. “Mad that we traded financial stability for a lifelong friendship with the louies by using football index,” mused one, and another came through with a whole long thread explaining how Fantasy Football works and how to join for anyone wanting to join Louis’ league. Soccer Aid continue to use pics of Nouis to tease their coming lineup announcement; correct me if I’m wrong but I think they do this every year, I wouldn’t think it means anything. Still, Wouldn’t It Be Nice!

Zayn tweeted “Feels good to be understood, appreciate it bro” about youtuber Anthony Aiken Jr’s Yellow Metal reaction video series. The particular clip Zayn retweeted is the final part of the reaction thread covering the whole EP, and focuses on the end of the EP where the most explicit political content is, but I think Zayn is pointing at the whole analysis and just was on the last one when he was like YES, hit tweet. Aiken is wearing the patchwork Anderson cardigan in his icon, love it, and also his tweet after- “Am I dreaming? Nah, this can’t be.” Z liked a super cool YM fanart tweet too. Also him and Gigi were papped out in NYC (in a car) and the Daily Mail ran an article saying they were “reunited” after his much publicized near fight like… when were they disunited? Do they mean because they were in separate places for an evening?? Tabloids are bizarre.

My Policeman filmed; with Harry in the cop uniform every time lately it’s like when celebs wear the same outfit every day so pap pics will be boring and not worth the trouble, the set pics can be a little repetitive, but today’s are special because today Harry is a cop on beach flipping someone off in various languages- now that’s a meme for the ages! (This is between shots stuff I do not think his character will be fooling around flipping people off, alas.) Liam posted a tease of his upcoming animated NFT release (a drawing of his cute bug-like character looking sad) and tagged in his co creators, and Niall and Anne Marie were on the radio today. Niall posted a cute picture of them celebrating topping the UK Top 40 chart-- “Amazing!! So proud of this song. Thank you for this guys” he said.

[sashannarcy]

hi op what are your thoughts on uhhhh *spins wheel* sasha's season 2b arc (hope that's not too broad a subject)

edit: putting this under a cut bc it got LONG but. enjoy (???)

okay I gotta start by saying I didn't expect the depth of it at ALL; I knew Sash was featured prominently in the ending episodes of s2 based off of what my friend informed me, but like. I was not expecting 4.5 episodes to be almost ENTIRELY centered on their character arc and design (the .5 being the first half of True Colors).

that being said, I think Sash's 2b arc is PHENOMENAL bc of the way the nuance in it is written so incredibly well. this character is about to perform the most antagonistic move that they've pulled in the whole series so far, which is the act of betraying both Anne and Marcy in order to support Grime and get them home safe, if they so choose to go home (as an aside, I think at this point Sash has probably decided that she likes it more in Amphibia than back home, and there's one line that I'll get to that seems to be VERYYYY indicative of that. and if this is the case, it makes sense to me why Sasha would want to help Grime at all and why they don't really seem quite eager to follow Anne and Marcy back home. but! important to note that they still give those two the choice to go back if they wish, because at the end of the day Sash loves them and wouldn't try to force them to stay). and yet we see!! this back and forth!! this FIGHT that's happening in their mind, the way there's a flash of guilt they express at the very end of The Third Temple directly after confirming to Grime that things are still going according to plan, their convo w Anne at the end of The Dinner, the entire plot arc of BotB, and ofc the Sashanne duel in True Colors. I want to make an analysis post for each of these episodes because they're so fucking PACKED w shit to analyze, but I'll try my best to touch on all points here.

obviously we first learn of Sasha's plans to betray Anne and Marcy in The Third Temple. but what's important is that throughout the entire episode, there's several points where Sash switches back and forth between manipulation and honesty. I can talk abt this w confidence just based off of the whole. *gestures vaguely at myself.* but Sasha's initial apology in this episode was sheer manipulation, I think we all know that. however, when Sasha has to do their final test in the temple, those few lines they exchange w Anne in the moments before they raise themself up off the floor and launch themself into battle... those were genuine. they know they've been a shitty friend, and they're willing to accept that. so you have this game, almost, where Sash keeps flipping between putting on a mask to ensure they can keep up their facade until Grime secures the city and genuinely acknowledging their behavior and knowing that what they are doing is not going to sit well w Anne and Marcy.

so with that, The Third Temple sets the premise for the rest of the episodes of the season as far as Sasha's character arc. The Dinner is such a good fucking episode to follow with, because it hammers in the fact that Sasha has not changed. what it ALSO hammers in is she is still acting in her own self-interest - to put it in her words, she wants to get the friendship back under control. they still lash out, they still have a short fuse, they're still heavily opinionated and rough around the edges and prickly because this is an environment where they feel threatened. they're finally reuniting with the two people that mean the absolute most to them, only to realize they've been left out of the narrative. also not for nothing, but their trauma in Reunion got joked about in this episode which led to them blowing up over it, and like. I'm giving that one a pass bc man. anyway. at the end of the episode they say they like who they are, but it's said with a frown, which I think is fucking GENIUS. because there's an actual meaning to this line - they don't ACTUALLY like who they are. we have plenty of evidence that they don't like themself. what they MEAN is that they don't want to change, because that would mean giving up a security that they need in order to keep themself together. AND THIS IS DEMONSTRATED CRYSTAL CLEAR IN BOTB. they literally PURPOSEFULLY detach themself from Anne and Marcy bc they know they want control but they ALSO know that their behavior is just going to hurt the other two, so instead of compromising, they just go hey I'm gonna do my thing and you guys can do yours. and we'll both get what we want. and if that's not evidence that this character is fucking GRAPPLING with how to grow and change as a person, idk what is

and then. sigh. we get to True Colors. ofc Sash goes through on their betrayal - they're loyal to a fucking T once you dig beneath the surface, and they wouldn't just not follow through for Grime. what is absolutely KEY here is the fact that they are still leaving room for their friends' best interests, as in they're not trapping them in Amphibia but rather explaining how they're gonna help Grime take over, implying they'll go back home once they're done, but if Anne and Marcy wanna go back now, that's cool. if she didn't give a fuck abt their wellbeing, she'd just keep them there w her. but she doesn't. and then Anne starts retaliating, and. well. we ALL know Sasha does NOT do well with criticism of any kind. so they just go okay I'll send you back now then (and this is STILL an action motivated by what they think is best for Anne). BUT THE LINE. OHHHH THE SUPER IMPORTANT LINE THAT MADE MY HEAD SNAP UP AND MADE ME PHYSICALLY GO "YIKES" OUT LOUD. is Sasha saying "say hi to your parents for me." it's like a goddamn full-on sucker punch packed into one sentence - seven words, and all of a sudden we know for sure this kid does not have a good home life. I could go into elaboration on Sasha and the way she views familial ties throughout the show, but I won't bc that's gonna take this already super long answer and make it even worse. regardless, Sasha has once again flipped the switch and is indulging in their worst behaviors, which is full on controlling and holding power to act on what THEY think is best in the moment. and the moment Anne snaps, the moment Anne yells about Sasha being a horrible person, literally EVERYTHING shifts and the reaction from Sasha is VISCERAL. and what I mean by that is. it's not just the look in their eyes at those words. it's not just the sudden and complete loss of meaning, of self, of motivation after they've lost Anne's support. it's not just the way they stare at their own reflection in a sword that represents the color of the person they're trying their hardest to protect. it's the way that for the rest of the goddamn episode, they spend it trying to do the one thing they fear the most: giving up control. I'm gonna elaborate on this whole aspect in a different ask bc I was asked abt it, but the way Sasha acts towards Anne after the fallout, especially at the beginning of the duel and during the confrontation w Andrias, is fucking monumental. they struggle so much with how to change their own behavior, yet the very moment they lose the support of the people they've been trying so hard to love and care for in their roundabout way, they can change the way they act. because who the fuck is Sasha Waybright without Anne Boonchuy and Marcy Wu? in her mind, no one. she doesn't have any idea of who she is outside of this, so ofc she can act differently when she's thrown out in the cold. after all, it doesn't take much to warp an identity that doesn't exist.

tldr; god. how do I sum this up. Sash's 2b arc is smth that's incredibly intricate and complex from the way they constantly flip between desperately needing control and feeling guilty that this is the way they need to live. and True Colors is able to finally demonstrate to us the final piece in how they operate - without their friends, they lose sense of who they are, and their personality comes undone. in 4.5 episodes the writers managed to give us 1000 aspects to their character that we hadn't gotten to explore, and we can see that Sasha was never meant to be the villain. so. final review is that's some good shit👍

[imaginesupply]

Homecoming - Chapter One

Chapter Two can be found here

(Gif’s not my own.)

Summary: The day has arrived, Captain Syverson is going home. For good, this time. He is going home to a civilian life he can hardly remember and a wife he barely knows, with memories of the war still fresh on his mind. Love might not be able to heal everything on its own, but it’s a good start.

Genres: Romance, drama.

Story warnings: Smut (always fully consensual), mentions of PTSD and nightmares and mental health, angst, hurt and comfort, fluff, mentions of war (minor), mentions of cheating (minor), mentions of pregnancy (very minor), police appearance (very minor), violence (very minor).

Notes:

It’s my first time writing for one of Henry’s characters and I’m unsure I did Sy’s character any justice.

This is a Capt. Syverson x OFC (Ada) story, written in 3rd person POV but OFC’s physical description is very limited so it could also be read as Capt. Syverson x Reader, I think.

English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes. Proofread, but not beta’ed. We die like men and all that.

Timeline is a little wacky: The movie takes place in 2003 and the U.S. forces were withdrawn from Iraq in 2011, but I never set a precise date because I don’t think it’s essential for this story. However, some elements might not be realistic because if we set this story in 2003: Phone cameras  quality was not as good as it’s now, but for the purpose of the chapters, I will need you to imagine you could film great videos with your flip phone haha. Plus, it says Sy is coming back after being deployed for more than three years which makes no sense unless we set this in 2006 or later. I am asking you disregard any time inconsistencies 

Also: I am not American. I only lived in the US for six months and it was in the Midwest, not Texas so please bear with me if I write something stupid.

Finally: This is pretty much a Christmas fic and I intend to post the last chapter (there will be seven in total) on or before Christmas. However, religion is never mentioned in this story and the Christmas-sy elements of this story are limited to family gathering, gift giving and tree decorating.

Chapter One starts after the cut. Let me know if you wish to be tagged in the new chapters.

Chapter One

Chapter warnings: Badly written smut (consensual), marriage awkwardness, alcohol consumption. Maybe OOC Sy, I don’t know. We never saw him being casual.

Sy checked his phone again as he waited for his bag by the baggage carousel. The airport was even busier than usual, it was taking ages and he was impatient to get out of there... and maybe even never set foot in an airport again for the rest of his life.

He read her text again, short and sweet. He sometimes called her that, short and sweet, just to tease her. Ada was considerably shorter than him and full of sugar, when she wanted to be, that was.

'I'm waiting by the gate for you, with a warm cinnabon :) So excited to see you again <3.'

Just then a notification popped up from Harper. It was a photo of the soldier at the airport, finally reunited with his wife and his two rugrats. It made Sy all the more excited to see Ada again, and then as if on cue, his camo bag appeared in the carousel and he groaned with relief.

He stood restless amidst the line, it seemed people in front of him were dragging their feet, but when they noticed his green beret uniform, most parted and let him through. Sy tipped his head gratefully.  

His wife was there, just outside the gate. Sy spotted her instantly in the crowd of people. She was wearing a red dress under her open coat and her hair looked fresh out of the hairdresser. He caught himself grinning at the sight of her. Then, once she spotted him making his way over to her, she started waving her hand excitedly as if there was any way his eyes hadn't already landed on her. He wished he still had his phone in hand to capture this moment for all of eternity, but his memory would have to do, he decided before casting his arms open for his wife. Fuck, did he love her!

°°°

Ada had been biting her nails nervously for the past two hours. She had arrived at the airport way too early. The parking fee would hurt but she couldn't find it in herself to care at this point.

Three weeks ago, she had received a call informing her that her husband and part of his unit had been ambushed. There had been an explosion in some building they were scouting only God knows where.

Only a full week after that did she receive a call from Sy himself. He was coming home. For good, this time. They were sending him home early, a full eight months earlier than what he had originally negotiated with his superiors. She hadn't been prepared for the news. She had spent the days following the call asking herself whether she had heard him right, making sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her.

Now he was here, stopping right in front of her, his thick arms inviting her right in for a hug. Ada wouldn't have been able to resist the invitation even if she had wanted to. Within a second, she was enveloped in his embrace, her cheek pressed against his chest. She was overjoyed to feel his heartbeat again. Sy kisses the crown of her head before putting her down, his hands never leaving her lower back, his fingers big enough to reach the swell of her bum from there.

They pulled away a few inches to take each other in. His beard has grown a little long, but it was not enough to hide his apparent dimples as he smiled. He looked a little older too, she hadn't seen in seven months, except through a shitty quality facetime call once or twice. Her careful gaze spotted the new scar by his temple, it was the only visible physical evidence of the explosion he had been caught in. She dreaded what she might under his uniform.

Sy caught her eyes and she found herself blushing under his stare. It was always like that the first few hours when he was back, until she got used to his overwhelming presence again and to the fact that this handsome bear of a man was indeed her husband.

"You're looking good, darlin'," Sy grinned, making her spin for him. "I missed you."

Ada couldn’t resist his smile. "I missed you too, Sy." She confessed, handing him the still warm cinnamon roll in its paper bag.

He accepted the pastry with a smile and started eating it immediately but not before throwing his arm around her shoulders as they began making their way to the parking lot. Sy was eager to get her out of the crowd and have her just to him himself.

"So, what's the plan, darlin'?" Sy inquired with mischief to his voice, balling up the paper bag with his free hand and throwing it inside the trash can. "Did you book that hotel with the jacuzzi in the bedroom again?"

It had become a tradition of some sort between them. They would always spend his first night back at that hotel: they'd order some room service and eat in the jacuzzi. Though, usually, they would first end up on together on the bed.

Ada stopped suddenly in her tracks, making him still behind her. She smiled sheepishly. "Don't be mad," she started, his smile falling at once, "but your family is waiting for us in the parking lot. Your mom insisted that we celebrate your homecoming at the restaurant. Something about you missing Thanksgiving just by a couple days."

Sy groaned, thinking about the evening that now expected him. He'd been flying for God knows how many hours, all he wanted was a warm bath and Ada whichever way she'd let him have her, not a damn dinner party.

"I'm sorry, Sy."

He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her forehead again. "Don't worry, darlin'. I know it ain’t your fault."

As soon as they reached the open-air parking lot, Sy's nephew and niece start running up to him, having escaped their parents' grasp. His family was waiting for him with cheers and a 'welcome home, soldier' banner. Sy hated that kind of attention and she found it cringy as well, but she had been unable to stop his mother. Ada watched him hug the kids and lift them up into the air, making them laugh as she walked up to the machine to pay the fee.

Her hand trembled as she inserted the ticket into the slot, missing the opening a few times. She was happy - no, scratch that - she was ecstatic to have her husband back. It's just that, could you really say 'back' when there was never truly a 'before', a 'there'?

They had met when he was already deployed, but on a short leave back in Austin. They spent three weeks together, got married and he returned to Iraq. Since then, the longest stretch of time they had been together had been twenty days. Neither of them had ever gotten settled into married life and now he was 'back'. For good. Which was wonderful and foreign and overwhelming all at once.

Ada paid the fee and returned to join them, finding Sy hugging his mother. She smiled at the sight. She walked over to greet her sister-in-law and her husband, confirming that they'd meet up at the restaurant. With that, she went to the car, deciding to give Sy some more time with his family, and herself an occasion to take a few breaths and calm her buzzing heart.

"You didn't tell me my mom had gotten herself a boyfriend." Sy grumbled immediately as he sat down next to her in the car, putting on his seatbelt.

Ada turned on the engine and backed out of the spot. "I knew you wouldn't like it," she defended before casting a side glance at him. "Besides, I figured it wasn't my place to tell you."

Sy hummed noncommittally, removing his cap to rake his hand through his cropped hair.

"Though, as much as I don't exactly like your mother," Ada added quietly, "she's been on her own ever since your dad passed a couple years ago. With your father gone and you away, she must have felt lonely.”

°°°

Sy spent the rest of the drive mulling over her words in his head. The fuck was that supposed to mean? As soon as a woman feels lonely, she takes up a boyfriend?! Was Ada lonely too while he was away and… He wanted to ask if she was implying anything but then one look at her and he decided against it. Breathing out deeply, he forces himself to relax. He was just stressed out and on edge.

It was inevitable that things would have changed while he had been away. That was something he thought about frequently late at night when he got to be alone. Still, he hoped things hadn’t changed all too much. Ada still looked just as she had on their road trip to Vegas, focused on the road but leaning back on her seat, just one hand on the wheel with a grin on her lips. His wife loved driving.

"You got your nails done." Sy commented, already hoping the whole dinner thing would be over quickly so that he could go home with her.

Ada turned to him with a chuckle for a second, wriggling her graceful fingers and red painted nails, her wedding band reflecting the light. "I wanted to look pretty for you."

Sy huffed. "You always look pretty to me, Ada," he said and then watched her scoff.

"Or maybe, I just wanted to make sure I'd be able to scratch you up nicely," she wife winked.

Yeah, this dinner thing couldn't be over fast enough.

°°°

Ada saw him eat so much over dinner, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to be sick later. And, of course, the double serving of smoked ribs had to be accompanied with generous amounts of beer and whisky. She didn0t blame him, though. Out of curiosity, she once researched what they ate while on deployment and it looked anything but tasty. If she had been in his shoes, she'd have been eating her own weight in pizza and brownies right now.  

It also didn’t help that his brother-in-law and his mom's new boyfriend, Phil from the hardware store, kept asking him about Baqubah and even touching on the subject of the explosion. It was obvious how uncomfortable the subject made him, his grip tightening around his knife and his jaw tensing up so tightly, she could imagine his teeth grinding.

So, Sy kept asking for refills, raising his glass, and giving them vague answers, but it seemed they didn't get the hint. At least, the subject changed when his sister interrupted the conversation to announce she was expecting again. A little girl.

Ada used the moments of cheer that followed to excuse herself from the table and go to the restroom. She was still somewhat nervous and her face was damp. She would have given anything for a glass of scotch at that moment but she was driving tonight.

Helen, Sy's mom appeared right behind her just as she was washing her hands. She hoped the woman would just disappear inside a stall but she wasn’t that lucky.

"Jack is back." Helen stated, arms crossed. A shiver ran through Ada's spine, damn she hated that woman. "For good."

Ada dried her hands with a paper towel, looking back at her mother-in-law through the mirror. "He is."

"Now's the time to prove yourself to this family and show us that Sy was right in marrying you.”

Before Ada could ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, Helen finally disappeared inside a stall. Rolling her eyes, Ada went to leave the restrooms when Helen decides to add some more venom. "Maybe a good start would be calling him by his first name, as a wife would."

°°°

"When do you start at Camp Mabry?" Ada asked, looking away from the steering wheel to glance at him for a second. Sy looked exhausted, not that she could she blame him after three different flights and a seemingly endless dinner. They had finally called it a night once the kids had started getting fussy.

"January 15th." He replied. "But they want me to stop by before then to have a look around the base and sign the contract."

"You're going to boss the hell out of the new recruits," Ada laughed, getting him to lighten up and even chuckle.

"You'd be surprised to know I'm actually a fair and considerate captain," Sy defended himself.

Next to him, Ada huffed as she tried stiffing the bubble of laughter, trying not miss the right exit off the main road.

"I just value discipline and compliance a lot," he added, his tone growing teasing.

This time, she was unable to stop her laugh. "Believe me, I know you do."

The drive was a short one to their house in the suburbs and she was soon parking her in their driveaway.

Ada fumbled with the key as she tried opening the front door, nervousness setting back in as she felt Sy standing behind her, holding his duffel bag. He followed in quickly after her, once she had finally managed to open the door.

"Welcome home, captain!" Ada cheered in her silliest tone as he discarded his bag on the floor.

Then, before she could even react, Sy was on her. His arms lifted her up, his body caging hers against the wall before capturing her lips in the most ferocious kiss she could imagine.

Out of instinct, her legs locked around his waist and her hands dug into his shoulders, unwilling to let go of him now that he was finally there. Sy grinned against her lips, amused by her fervour, not that he felt any different.

He broke off the kiss as he pulled them away from the wall, freeing a hand to shrug her coat off her shoulders. "You ain't gonna need that, darlin'," he promised, throwing the coat in the direction of the kitchen, not caring where it landed.

Then his mouth latched on to her throat, forcing a delicious moan out of his wife as he carefully manoeuvred them upstairs, still steady on his feet despite the alcohol. Sy was almost surprised when he pushed open the door to their bedroom with his foot and it didn't squeak, but that thought was fleeting as Ada started rolling her hips against his. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the war, not the explosion or his guilt, only the woman in his arms.

Unceremoniously, he let her fall on the bed, the urgency now flowing through his blood keeping him from doing things the gentleman way. Ada didn't mind, giggling as she unzipped her dress and slid the red thing over her head, along with her bra. Apparently, she had decided to forego panties. Sy stood there, almost mesmerised as he watched her, suddenly not certain if he dared tainting her with his touch but Ada quickly made that decision for him as she got up on her knees.

"A little less staring and a little more undressing, captain," she purred with a smirk, her fingers determined as they made quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

"That's it, darlin'. You're in for it now," Sy roared, pulling her in for another furious kiss before pushing her back against the mattress, making her land on her back as he got undressed in record time. Fuck, was he hard.

"Open up for your captain." Sy ordered and Ada complied instantly, her legs falling open for him as she peered up at him, holding herself up on her elbows and worrying her lower lip between her teeth. "That's a good girl," he praised.

Without losing another second, Sy settled in between her legs, wrapping his strong arms around her thighs and parting them to their limits. He wanted to worship her body the way she deserved, show her exactly just how appreciative he was of her, how much he craved her, but it had been months and Sy was a starving man who had just been presented with the perfect meal.

"Fuck Sy!" Ada screamed out, her back arching off the bed the instant he licked her just where she craved him most. He chuckled against her, marvelling at how wet she already was for him.

She tried closing her legs around his head, rejoicing at the feeling of his beard rubbing against her sensitive skin and never wanting him to leave again, but his arms were too strong for her clenching thighs. She was left defenceless against his assault, with no choice but to obscenely moan her pleasure and let herself cum against his tongue as his thumb expertly massaged her clit.

The coil inside her snapped and her body tensed up before letting go just as suddenly, her now damp back falling back on the mattress. "Fuck, Sy." Ada breathed out, her chest heaving as she tried to reopen her eyes only to find her husband playfully gazing up at her, smirking with her arousal glistening on his beard. The sight alone almost made her cum again. "I'll never let you leave again!"

He smiled in response, placing a kiss on her lower stomach before crawling up her body. "I've no intention to, baby," he promised.

Ada caught a glimpse of his hard, flushed erection as his body slid over hers, realizing in her post-orgasmic haze that she was in for an even bigger treat now. She could taste herself in his mouth as they kissed, his hand slithering behind her back to seize her shoulder and hold her closer. Teasingly, he started rolling his hips, his hard clock rubbing against her slick cunt, coating himself with arousal before finally, he found his way inside her, burying his head next to hers in the pillow.

Ada whimpered as he did so, her eyes tearing up as his clock slid inside her. She had evidently grown unaccustomed to his girth and length in his absence. Sy paused immediately, his muscles tense as he looked at her with concern. “You okay?” She nodded in silence, wanting him to start moving but Sy looked unconvinced, using all his strength to keep still despite his desire to fuck her right into the mattress. Without a warning, Ada tightly wrapped her legs around his hips, making him go deeper. Sy let out a reverberating groan. “God, darlin’. I missed you.”

He started thrusting into her with such vigour, such determination it felt as if he was trying to bury himself so deep inside her, no one would ever be able to pry him away from her again. It did hurt, her cervix was getting battered with each of his hard movements but she found herself enjoying the pain because it was him; it was Sy and he was right there with her, back in her arms, and she could feel his heart beat beneath her fingertips as her hand gripped at his chest.

"Fuck, I'm... I’m," Ada gasped incoherently, her nails now scratching the skin of his back. Sy was sure there would be marks there in the morning which made him enjoy the sensation even more.

"I got you," he rasped. If possible, he pulled her even tighter to him, his pubic bone now rubbing against hers in that delicious way only he was able to do. Her slick walls were now contracting around him, her second orgasm impending. "Fuck," he groaned, his breath coming out in a stutter. "Are you...Can I...?"

Sy didn't have to word it, she knew what he meant. "Cum in me, Sy. Please," she almost begged.

Her words did it. His hips stuttered as he pushed in deep just when his orgasm washed over him, exploding inside her. His face contorted with pleasure and that sight alone had her fast tracking her fall over the figurative edge. He had his face buried on the crook of her neck, muffling his groans and moans against her skin as the dam gave way within her.

°°°

Sy grunted against his pillow, slowly waking up the following morning. He was convinced he was just rousing after a very nice dream and he was ready to toss his alarm clock across the room, furious at the object for interrupting his dream, that for once, had been a good one. With a startle, Sy realized that no blasting alarm had woken him up but the sunlight on his face. Opening his eyes, he felt almost as if on foreign ground. He was home.

As quietly as he could manage, Sy turned around in bed, seeking his wife only to find her side empty. Just at that moment, he heard cursing coming up from the kitchen and scoffed. He’d bet his life Ada was cracking eggs, something she hated.

Feeling rested and in a much more relaxed mood than the previous day, Sy got out of bed and started searching for a pair of boxer briefs so he could go join her downstairs when he caught a sniff of himself. Fuck, did he stink. How Ada hadn’t thrown him out of bed, he didn’t know.

Out of habit, Sy hurried to the en-suite bathroom, wanting to shower as fast as possible before realizing that this time around, it was different. He wasn’t going back, he didn’t have to rush, their time together wasn’t counted. With that in mind, Sy forced himself to take his time, enjoying the act of brushing his teeth in a bathroom that smelled nice and showering with warm water. Ada had purchased his usual brands of shower gel and toothpaste, he noticed, even putting a red bow around his brand-new toothbrush by the sink. Even though he initially wanted to take his time to enjoy it, Sy still ended up rushing as he dried himself with a blue fluffy towel he didn’t recognize from his previous stay. He didn’t bother putting on anything more than his boxer briefs before heading downstairs. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t keep them on for long either.

Sy walked into one of the best sights he had even seen, when he entered the kitchen. Ada was standing in front of the stove, rhythmically tapping the black spatula against her naked thigh as she focused on the eggs and bacon she was preparing. The thin negligee - or whatever she called it, he always forgot - barely covered her ass and that outfit alone was one of the reasons he never minded that she always cracked up the heat so high, he felt like he was back under the hot desert sun.

Silent and stealthy like a predator despite his stature, Sy sneaked up on her from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, feeling her startle before relaxing once she noticed it was him. She smelled heavenly, Sy thought, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Watcha got cooking, darlin'?"

"Obviously breakfast," she sassed, making him softly pinch her ass in response. Ada squealed and jumped up. "Good morning to you too, Sy," she said but not before slapping the handle of the spatula against his thigh. He decided to let it slide... for now.

"Morning darlin'," he answered, kissing the crown of her head before darting his fingers into the pan and picking up a piece of bacon. It was sizzling hot, but the taste was worth it. He had missed being home! Speaking of being home... "What do you say we take the food and coffee upstairs and have ourselves breakfast in bed?" His tone failed to hide his true intentions.

Ada scoffed, the back of her head rubbing on his hairy chest and she shook her head. "Nice try but I actually intend to feed you. Your mother will have my head if I let you go hungry."

It was Sy's turn to laugh, his hands now roaming her body as she leaned forward to turn off the stove, pressing her ass against his crotch and eliciting a husky groan from him. "I'm hungry enough to eat both breakfast and you, don't worry."

Ada turned around, a huge grin on her angelic face. "Alright, you win. What do you say, we have breakfast, we do the kinky and then go grocery shopping?"

Sy tried hiding his smile but it was a lost cause. He loved it when she talked like that. He loved her, point. "Yes, ma'am."

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 20: Second Assist

Characters: Captain Logan “Sy” Syverson, Shane Benton (OFC), various other original supporting/secondary characters

Summary: Shane reunites with friends and family, hashes out some feelings, and gets real with Sy. Can their relationship survive her trauma? And the threat that still looms above them?

Romance and Smut Abound HERE!

Word Count: 4500

Warnings: Mention of rape, alcoholic beverages, violent imagery…feels out the butt.

Author’s Note: You guys are so splendid and beautiful! I can’t thank you enough for your support and encouragement to finish this piece. First, welcome to new readers! I know poor Henry’s injury and subsequent physiotherapy has driven some of you here, and while I’m sorry for him, I’m glad I can consider myself something of a pioneer in this particular genre and provide you some help for your newfound thirst. To my OG readers, it is to you I owe this entire work, parts written and incomplete, and I hope an eventual book deal. I mean to mention you in my acknowledgements, should this ever reach a willing publisher. You’ve inspired me so supremely that I cannot quantify it, even with the words I hold so dear.

Since my last chapter was posted, we’ve said a relieved goodbye to 2020 and a tentative hello to 2021. To be honest, this year has started out worse than last year. Lots of bad weather in my area this winter, my sister is currently on her way to a new life in another state, and my grandmother, the last grandparent I had, passed away in February. Those last two things have been especially difficult to shake off and recover from, both coming to fruition pretty suddenly. Amongst all that, I’ve been pretty distracted by my other fandoms, especially Marvel, and I’ve been reading a killer book series that I’m utterly in love with. (The Throne of Glass novels by Sarah J. Maas. 10/10 recommend.) But I knew I needed to get back into Shane and Sy’s story, especially given the new and rekindled interest in the subject matter. In all honesty, I’ve had most of it written for months. It’s just been a matter of finishing it off to set up the rest of the story.

I really hope you all enjoy Chapter 20, Second Assist, and would love your feedback and notes. You are all so important to this story, and your notes, reblogs, and comments are cherished. Thank you so much for reading! Love from Hannah!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. This is an original work by me, Hannah. Please reblog if you wish to share. Please do not repost either in whole or part, as the work of anyone but myself. Thanks so much for reading!

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X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Shane woke in her warm bed, late morning sun streaming in through her sheer curtains, the heavier drapes parted to let in the light. She wished she'd remembered to close them before now. She really was not ready to be awake.

She was sore. Achy. Her sleep had been fitful and full of shadowy nightmares and muffled screams. Beyond that, she didn't try to remember images or events. She knew the general premise of the dreams. It would take a lot of time, effort, or a miracle to make her forget those traumas she'd been through in the last week. Not even forget. She knew she never would. But move on from them. Accept them. And heal from them…even that seemed a mighty obstacle. One she was not sure she could surmount.

Through the open bedroom door, she could hear Lynyrd Skynyrd and the clanging and sizzling of pans, and she could smell bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Sy had left the room, but had not, it seemed, gone far. She gingerly sat up, stood from the bed, and donned her robe as she walked out into the hall and down the corridor to the kitchen.

The sight before her warmed her heart. There was Sy. In only his boxers, daringly frying the notoriously dangerous breakfast meat. Upon her entry to the kitchen, she could also smell pancakes, and she thought syrup, as well. He seemed to be warming a bottle of the maple unction in a pot of hot water. He turned as she stepped on a squeaky floorboard, and grinned widely at her.

"Mornin' sunshine." And she was struck by the irony of someone with such a radiant smile calling her sunshine. Especially when she didn't feel much like beaming. But she couldn't help return the expression, even through her pain.

"Mornin' bear. Did you go to the store?" She knew she couldn't have any bacon in her fridge, and she doubted her eggs and milk were still good at this point. But she also couldn't think that he would leave her for any reason.

"Nah, some of the guys brought over some provisions. Matt worked on your car all night, too, and filled up the tank. It's as good as new. He and Nate brought ‘er over as well as the groceries. I just had ‘em get stuff I knew your family wouldn't be bringing later. They've had tons of food given to them this week, and they're ready to share. You should have seen your mom loading me down with sandwiches and chips and whatnot when I visited them."

"I still can't believe you met them. I really wanted to introduce you personally." Shane's face fell. She would never be able to get that back. She wanted to cry. Sy had poured her a cup of coffee and sat it in front of her with her favorite creamer.

"Darlin' I’m so sorry. I had to talk to them."

"I know." she sniffed. "I'm not mad. Not at you. Just…"she didn't want to say Elliott's name. "I'm disappointed that the experience was stolen from me." That so many things had been stolen from her. By that monster. There was no other way to describe him. Sy growled. As if he could read her mind. He really just knew her well enough and shared her thoughts.

"Well, don't worry, we'll have a nice dinner with them one of these days, and we can pretend. Sound good?"

"Yeah, and I can feign nervousness." she laughed.

"And I'll pretend too. That I'm scared to meet your dad." he chuckled. "What if he threatens me with his shotgun?"

"I'll pull the ol' 'Daddy, no, I loooooove him!' line, as I throw myself between you!"

"That oughta work." he laughed and kissed her on the forehead as he stepped toward the stove and flipped a pancake.

As they sat eating their late breakfast, Shane's mind wandered. Nothing had changed on the surface, but everything was different now. This cozily mundane breakfast with her boyfriend felt like an out of body experience. As delicious as it was, as wonderful and comforting as it should feel, her guard was up. Even through her amiable façade. She was not the person she was two weeks ago. She was not the same woman who said goodbye to Sy at the base. Maybe that was the real transformation. Maybe that was why nothing felt normal. It wasn't the world, but her own self coming back into it.

"Shane?" Sy asked, gently, but it felt like he was speaking through a megaphone directly into her ear. She was so startled, she nearly dropped the half full mug of coffee that was paused midway to her lips. A bit sloshed out onto the table and splashed her shirt.

"Shit!" she chided herself. It wasn't a big deal, but she felt stupid jumping at the sound of her own name.

Sy reached for the closest towel, hanging from the oven handle, grabbed it and started for her clothes with it. She stopped him. But she couldn't think about why the intimate act made her uncomfortable.

"No, don't, it's fine. These clothes have seen better days, anyway." She pulled the towel from him and began to mop up the small puddles of coffee around her plate.

Sy seemed to note the stains already present on the shirt, as if trying to divine their history. She was something of a messy eater, so the battle wounds of many a barbecue, spaghetti dinner, and hurried breakfast peppered the now off-white SATB club tee she'd gotten her second or third year in college choir. She thought back to a huge room with high ceilings. White, cinder block walls, flecked tile floors, a beautiful, glossy, black baby grand in front of a long whiteboard with black lines to resemble sheet music. She thought about the mnemonic device she'd learned to help her remember what notes appeared on each line, and in the spaces between them. She pondered the deeper meanings and implications of these devices. EGBDF…every good boy does fine. She thought about the "good boys" in her life. She knew many. Her dad, her brother Ethan, Sy, obviously, her many male coworkers and friends…and honestly they did far better than "fine." They were wonderful. But she was letting the "bad boys" she'd encountered dictate her mood. Permeate her psyche. Tear her down. She didn't want to be like this. Then FACE came to mind, and above their purpose of indicating the notes between the lines on the staff, they called her to action. To face these newly minted demons with all the strength she knew she possessed, and she too would "do fine." But as with almost all actions, this was easier said than done.

She felt a warm presence on her left hand which had paused it's torture of the now coffee-infused kitchen towel. Sy's hand was squeezing hers gently.

"Shane." he uttered, barely above a whisper this time. She looked at him through tears that she had not realized had formed. He continued.

"Shane, what can I do, darlin'? I'll do anything."

"Babe, you're doing everything you can, and more. This…this is all going to have to come from me. I…don't know when I'll be myself again…" she paused, tears streaming now. "I'm…I'm different."

"You're not though." he reached for her face, but she pulled away.

"I am, damn it! Sy, I was…" Words had power. And the one she was thinking of had more power than she thought was warranted. She knew that uttering it would take away it's power…and yet mustering the courage and strength to actually do so…seemed impossible. She took a deep breath, and disassociated herself from the statement, even though it was about her own past.

"I was raped." She refused to cry. She felt it all again. She had never said the words. She had never thought it necessary. Everyone understood. Sy, his friends, and she was sure her own loved ones had made the connection. But she knew she needed to say it now to drive home the points she was about to make.

Sy, looked at the table, nodding, not needing to be told in so many words something he already had surmised from the clear evidence. He remained silent. She went on.

"I love you, Sy. I have since the day we met, on one level or another, and I believe that I always will. But I…right now I can't be a proper girlfriend to you. I can't…be with you, touch you, be touched by you, in the way we used to be. In the way you deserve…and I don't know when…or even if…I ever will. Not that I don't want to. That's ALL I want in the world. To go back. To be the woman who fell in love with this…incredible man. To make love with you, but…I can't."

Sy's eyes were full of tears, their predecessors already descending his round cheeks and disappearing into his thick, dark beard.

"Sy, I don't want to lead you on and keep you tied to a relationship with no life in it. You deserve someone who's whole. Someone who can be a fully invested partner for you, and not this broken, damaged--"

"You stop that, Shane. I won't hear no more of this kinda talk. Y'hear? You're my girl. My woman. My person. No matter what. You gotta know I'd never leave ya just cuz you aren't ready for sex again. You don't think that I would, do ya?"

"Well, you went to Virginia…you took that job…knowing the distance it would put between us. Literally and figuratively."

"Biggest mistake of my life." Shane raised her eyebrows in surprise as Sy elaborated. "I couldn't focus on my classes without wishing you were there. Wishing I could team up with you for discussions and hand to hand combat training…that thought got me a little too excited, if you catch my drift." He smirked, pulling a sheepish smile from Shane. "Then in that forest. I dreamt about you every night. I thought of you constantly. I could barely breath sometimes, I missed ya so damned much. I was an idiot. I was insane to think that I needed anything other than you. Any MORE. There IS no more. You're it. You're the MOST! The most important thing in my life."

The declaration hung like vapors in the air, more felt than seen. Tangible yet ethereal.

"And when I found out that you were missing…I was…well, I think I looked like death…and not warmed over. You can ask the program director I met with after I got the news. She could tell I was just sick over it. And as I thought about it on the way home, pieced things together, started thinking about who'd taken you, I got murderous. Shane, I have been in dozens of battles, skirmishes, firefights, you name it. War. But…the sheer bloodlust I felt thinking about what you could be going through…I've never experienced anything like it. Everything was red. Everything. For days. Until I saw you, alive. And then it went red again when I saw the fear and damage on your face." she could tell he was doing his best not to talk about the farmhouse and that basement, but she still flashed back to the moments before and after his appearance there. The moments when she simultaneously prayed to live and hoped to die.

"You don't owe me anything, Shane. I just want you in my life, and I don't care what your presence looks like. Romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between. I'm here for you. And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Shane felt the urge to wrap her arms around her boyfriend, but could not seem to move more than one arm to place her other hand on top of his. She hoped the gratitude and love behind the small, but heartfelt gesture landed. It was all she had in that moment, no matter how abundant her affection.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shane's family's arrival was a complete blur to her. It was joyous, tearful, and the happiest she'd been in a long time. The moment she opened the front door for them, she was surrounded, engulfed with hugs from her parents and siblings. They stood in their affectionate huddle for several moments before Peg waved Sy over with marked insistence. He'd been standing by, observing happily, but not wanting to intrude on the familial reunion.

When they finally dispersed, John asked the two younger men to help him bring in groceries. The women headed into Shane's bedroom for a more private setting in which to talk. Shane filled her mother and sister in the best she could given the rawness of the wounds left on her mind by the events.

She leaned against the headboard cuddling with Gabby while her mom rubbed her feet. She had insisted on doing this thing that had always comforted her children, and made them feel much better when they were younger.

"Well, I'm very proud of you, pumpkin." The girls both looked at their mother, who rather uncharacteristically hadn't spoken in some time. Shane was nonplussed. Peg elaborated.

"You survived something that many women don't. You're talking about it now, which even more women don't. You may think you're broken, but you're just a tree damaged by a storm, but standing stronger than ever." Trust her mom to lay such wisdom on her. When she felt like giving up. When she just wanted pity. When she could only see defeat. Her mother had always found a way to encourage and buoy her and show her the victory.

"Mom's right." Gabby affirmed, and it was Peg's turn to be nonplussed, as the two women, though similar in so many ways, never seemed to see eye to eye. "It's true. Shane I've seen a lot of women come into the clinic in shoes very much like yours. And trust me…some of them…they don't make it to this point. You've got a long way to go before you're fully recovered, don't get me wrong, but you'll get there. You have us. And you have Sy."

"And then there's Sy." She diverted. "How am I supposed to plan any sort of future with him when…" She looked at her mom, and hesitated. Peg rolled her eyes.

"Shane, I know what the two of you get up to when you're alone. You don't have to be shy with me."

"Still…" she took a breath and spoke. "When I can't bring myself to…sleep with him?"

"Look at him, you're kidding, right?" Gabby chided, insensitively, but recanted at the pained expression on Shane's face. "Sorry, sis. Trying to lighten the mood a touch. Too soon. But seriously, I don't think this reluctance you feel will be permanent."

"And even if it is," Peg took over, "that man is out-of-his-mind in love with you, Shaney." She kissed Shane's toe before putting a sock on her foot. "He almost seems to worship you. Now, you know how I feel about using that term outside of religious context, but that is exactly the kind of love I want for you. Devout, and unconditional."

"But, mom, I can't--"

"Did you hear me? I said 'unconditional,' sweetie." Peg interrupted. "No matter what. No matter the obstacle. No matter the distance. No matter the circumstances. Love unwavering. That's what Sy has for you. I've seen it in him. Trust the momma."

The insistence her mother placed on trust had always ruffled Shane's feathers. Gabby's too, who she could feel stiffen slightly beside her. But Shane, for once, really wanted to trust her mother, hoping against hope that she was right. And that she, herself  wouldn't screw up the best relationship she had ever been in or was likely to ever be in again.

The girls had begun talking about some of the coworkers who'd brought food in the past week, and Peg couldn't resist remarking on the character of her favorites and judging the ones she didn't care for…oddly enough, getting more or less, the correct measure of them, as Shane saw it.

After what must have been an hour from the time they'd arrived, they heard a knock on the slightly ajar bedroom door. John poked his head in.

"Ladies, we've put a casserole in the oven, and completed various manly projects around the house--"

"Oh, daddy, what projects?" She cringed. She hated that the men had felt the need to "fix" things.

"Babe, your guest bathroom had not one, but two leaky faucets, your kitchen table seemed to be more of a teeter-totter, and half the light bulbs in the living room were out. Among other tiny things. You're welcome." he smirked his crooked smirk so similar to her own, and she returned it as if he was looking in a mirror.

"Thanks, dad."

"Anyway, lunch is almost ready. So, when you've finished your confab, let's eat."

Dinner passed amiably, Shane found a reserve within herself to allow some quasi-normal behavior, as long as you didn’t look too closely. She was talking animatedly with her siblings, making their parents and Sy laugh riotously. Shane noticed some odd looks passing between Sy and her father, but chalked it up to paranoia. She wished at least Gabby and Ethan could stay, but Heather would be over soon, and she deserved her own dedicated time. Shane wanted to give that to her.

She said her farewells to her family with promises to visit them the next day, and at least one more time before her siblings went back home, if she could work it out.

Sy was so wonderful the whole time. Standing by her, a hand resting lightly on her shoulder as they waved goodbye to the departing vehicle. He made her feel so safe. They went into the kitchen and cleaned up from lunch. Well, Sy cleaned. Shane was texting Heather about when she'd be over.

"Heather says she'll be here in about a half hour. She's picking up wine and pizza." Shane told Sy without looking up from her phone. She could see out of the corner of her eye, though, that he had just closed the dishwasher and was selecting a cycle.

"Sounds great. Do you want me to get out of here? Give you guys some time, one on one?" He asked as he dried his hands, wet from preparing dishes for the machine.

She thought about it, and shuddered. She played a scene in her head that startled her. In her mind's eye, she saw Sy leave and then moments later heard a knock on the door. Presuming it was Heather, she opened the door with abandon, only to see Elliott standing there under a flickering porch light, smirking maliciously at her and ready to overpower and abduct her again. She shook the thought from her head, but remained uneasy as she answered his question.

"Uh, no. Thanks. I'm sure she'll want to talk to both of us. She likes you." Shane grinned softly at Sy in an attempt to mask her trepidation over the thought of him leaving her alone for any period of time. She thought it had worked.

"Okay, well, whatever you think, sunshine. I don't wanna get in the way." He was wiping down the countertops. She felt so impossibly full of love for him, she was starting to wonder how she hadn't yet burst with it. She couldn't bear the thought of holding him back from a fulfilling relationship. He deserved everything she couldn't give him right now. And she knew she should make him leave her. Cut him loose. But she was, as she'd been since she'd met him, a weak woman. She couldn't stand the thought of being without him. Of him no longer being hers. And somehow worse, of not being his, herself. She would always need him for so many reasons, not least of which being her love for him. Maybe one day, she'd recover from this trauma, and be able to be who he deserved. To give him what he needed.

"You're never in the way, bear." She walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed him as tight as she could. He placed a loving hand over hers, sighing and smiling, though she had no visual proof of the latter. It was just a feeling.

Heather's greeting was no less exuberant than that of Shane's family, but it was more joyful and less emotional, even though she was immensely relieved to see her best friend after so long. They talked as if no time had passed, and Shane mustered up the dregs of her former self to have one more interaction for the day. Thank God it was Heather and not someone who would require more. She wouldn't have it to give.

"I am so glad you're okay, Shane! Things around the clinic have been bleak as fuck. Susan is loosing her mind, Anita is beside herself with concern, and the rest of us just plain ol' miss the hell out of you. And not just because of all of the overtime everyone has been pulling to get your patients seen."

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize…wow, I'm awful. I didn't even think---"

"That you'd be missed? Think again, sister. The place would fall apart if you ever really left. But don't feel guilty. It's the least everyone can do, and they've all said it themselves. We all love you, and know that you'd do the same for any of us if you could at all. Hopefully you won't have to, though!"

Shane nodded, eyes wide in agreement. She wouldn't wish the last week of her life on her worst enemy. On the worst person in the world. Except maybe the people responsible. Tit for tat.

"Well, I'm sorry my absence has caused extra work for all of you." Shane looked into the deep glass of Chardonnay Sy had poured her from the bottle Heather had brought. She felt about as small as the air bubble making it's way up the sloping curve of the stemless vessel. She felt a guilt that she knew was fully void of logic. It made no sense for her to feel guilt for being kidnapped. But she had always had this notion, this nagging voice in her head that told her that her misfortunes were a direct result of her decisions. That she'd inadvertently stepped on the butterfly that resulted in the monsoon she was currently experiencing, and whatever cataclysmic events she would face next.

"Why in God's name are you apologizing for this, Shay?" Heather's tone was kind, but still mildly scolding.

"If I'd never been with Elliott, none of this would have--"

"Bitch, are you a fortune teller?"

"No, but--"

"Soothsayer?"

"No."

"Time traveler?"

"I wish!" Shane chuckled. But she really did wish.

"Have you any real and proven success at consistently predicting the future?"

"I don't, but--"

"No. No buts. No howevers. You had no idea what becoming involved with Elliott could have done. Were there signs, sure. But you can't look on the past as a rubric to judge the quality of your decisions. You know that. You can only learn from your mistakes. And you have."

"Heather's right, sunshine. You really have learned. You look for Elliott's behaviors in mine and shut me down quick if you see 'em. You're not going to let yourself go down that road again. And I'm proud of you for it."

Shane silently worried her wine glass. It was hard to argue with such truth. But it was hard to agree when her own feelings were in such stark opposition. So she did neither.

"Well, I've preached my sermon for the day." she laughed. "I've taken up enough of your time. Oh, your phone. It's in my purse. I think it's fully charged, but I turned it off."

Shane thanked her friend, then Heather hugged them both and took her leave.

"Y'okay, bug?" Sy asked her after what she surmised was several minutes of silence. Minutes she didn't notice as they passed.

"Mmm…" she trailed off.

"Can I do something for ya?" And she really thought about the question. He could probably do a lot of things for her. He could make love to her until she felt whole again, even if it hurt her at first. Not an ideal option. He could probably get them both some new identities and enough money to spirit her away to somewhere her past wouldn't follow. If she became someone new, literally, would she have to bring that old baggage, those old scars, with her? Again, suboptimal. But he could definitely take the source of all grief and turmoil in her life far into the Missouri back country, somewhere not even the hunters would venture, some fallow field or forgotten cistern, and end him. Snuff out his spark of life like a candle caught in a tornado. Spill a fatal amount of his monstrous blood onto the unforgiving earth and send him to the Hell to which he was undoubtedly destined. But did she want that? Did she want another soul as a scar on that of the man she so deeply cherished? He'd say it was worth it. He'd say he'd take a thousand more for her. A million. That was Sy.

"Nothing comes to mind." She lied. And he knew it was a lie, but didn't push it. She was so grateful that he respected her, not for the lie itself, but for the reason she wasn't giving him the whole truth just now.

His phone went off and he picked it up as he stood from his seat at the table. She could only hear that it was Matt, the guy she thought she understood had the car place, before she heard tension in Sy's voice. Even from the next room, she could tell something was wrong, though he was talking too quietly for her to make out words.

She heard him suddenly shout a stream of profanities that he rarely said at all around her, at least, let alone together. There was a bang, and the walls of her kitchen quaked like the tectonic plates beneath them were shifting.

Sy walked back in, his face was red, as were his knuckles. He was shaking an injury out of his hand.

"What's wrong?" she asked, deep concern at his appearance and demeanor, suddenly ominous.

"I need to fix your wall in there." he grumbled, evading, without success. She'd be doing therapy on his hand, next.

"What's really wrong?" she repeated, sternly.

"That was Matt. Elliott's…escaped, somehow. He's in the wind."

Shane's heart became so heavy, she could almost feel it smashing through the kitchen floor and burying itself deep in the cement floor of her basement.

"Oh, God! No! What if he goes to the police!?"

"Fuck that, I'm more concerned about him coming after you!"

The two stared, faces full of equal measures of concern for the other.

Up Next: Chapter 21-Patient Education

[jojosbizarrefanfics]

omg that all might request where he asks reader out on a picnic was so cute!!! can we get a smutty part 2? how did their date go? 👀

aw thank you!!! ofc! i’m always here for sweet smut with toshi 

Toshinori could have stayed in the park with you all day. It was really crowded as everyone had the same idea that weekend to enjoy the blossoms, with a few street food vendors selling seasonal treats. Toshinori found a smaller tree in a less busy corner of the park, but its blooms were just as beautiful as the rest, and it provided a great view of the whole area. As he grabbed the bentos he bought for the two of you, you pulled out some iced green tea bottles from your bag.

“It’s so pretty, isn’t it?” You asked as the breeze blew through, making the flowers gently sway. It looked like a movie scene, you thought, and you couldn’t believe you were sharing this moment with Toshinori. 

Toshinori smiled as he looked at you and the way you admired the flowers. “Yeah, it is.”

So this is what normal felt like, he thought, or at least mostly normal. He could get used to this. 

Toshinori was pleasantly surprised at how long you two were able to just sit underneath the sakura tree, chatting and enjoying each other’s company, without anyone even noticing you were there. It was like the sakura provided a cloak around you two because everyone was so caught up in hanami that it allowed for him to be caught up in it, too. Normally, PDA would have terrified Toshinori - he didn’t want to put a target on your back, after all, whether it be from villains or tabloid journalists - but he felt confident enough in your little corner of the park to hold your hand once you were done with your lunch, now just swapping stories and sakura mochi.

But that veil of privacy the sakura provided didn’t last forever, especially as people began to wrap up their own picnics. 

“Oh, is that All Might?”

“Look, All Might’s over there!”

“Is that All Might and Mind-eye?” 

You both knew that meant it was time to call it a day, and you begrudgingly packed your things so you could head back to your apartment. 

“I had a really fun day,” you said when you reached your apartment.

“Sorry it got cut short,” Toshinori said. “But I did too!”

“We can continue it inside, if you’d like?” 

Toshinori’s eyes widened in mild surprise, and then he smiled and nodded. 

The second the door was closed and locked behind you, you dropped your purse and kissed Toshinori. His mild surprise from a moment ago turned into shock, but he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him. When you both pulled away for a breath, Toshinori coughed, barely making it into his handkerchief.

“Sorry! Sorry. What a buzzkill.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” you said.

“I do, though,” he said nervously. “I’ve wanted to kiss you again all day, and then I finally get to, and then this damn cough--” 

You smiled - no, smirked - as you brushed some of Toshinori’s hair out of his face. He liked the feeling. “Toshi, it’s fine. There’s no rush. We’ve got all day.” 

Toshinori kissed you again, deep and slow, to really take his time with you. His first time kissing you earlier was chaste and sweet, but this time it was pure passion marked by tastes of sakura mochi, green tea, and blood. Your hands slowly moved from his neck to his chest, and it sent shivers down Toshinori’s spine. 

His own hands ran down your sides, exploring the shape of your curves, and when he landed at your hips, he pulled away from the kiss. You weren’t sure why until Toshinori asked, “Is this okay with you?”

You nodded, giving him all the permission he needed to kiss you again and continue. His hands gripped your hips tightly as your hands made their way to his biceps, all the while the kiss picked up where it left off. Toshinori’s hands slid down to your ass, rested there for a brief moment, and then he lifted you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist - just because he wasn’t a Pro Hero anymore didn’t mean he still wasn’t strong - and let Toshinori carry you to your bedroom. You let your shoes fall to the ground along the way, not paying much attention to where they clunked on the floor. Toshinori was doing his best to not stumble as he kissed and carried you, and one of your hands reached out and smacked the doorframe to your bedroom so he knew which room to go in. 

When Toshinori felt your bed against his knees, he kicked his shoes off while he laid you down on your bed, and was soon on top of you to continue your kiss. He discarded his jacket while kissing you, and once that was gone, you undid the the top two buttons on his shirt. 

You pulled away from the kiss and found yourself making eye contact with him - that bright blue was so beautiful, especially as the late afternoon sunlight streamed into your bedroom - and you asked Toshinori, “Is this okay with you?” in regards to his shirt.

“It is very much okay with me, (YN),” Toshinori said rather seriously, not breaking eye contact. You leaned up to reunite your lips, wanting to feel the warmth of his against you again, and worked on the rest of his shirt’s buttons. 

Toshinori gently ran a large hand up your leg, starting at your knee. You felt his long fingers splayed across your thigh as he reached up, and when he reached the waistband of your white stockings, you raised your hips to help him remove them. He only stopped kissing you to bring your stockings down, going at what felt like a tantalizingly slow pace. Once your stockings were off, he tossed them to the floor and let his now unbuttoned shirt join the pile. When he glanced back up at you, with the way your skirt had slid up your thighs a bit, he caught a glimpse at your panties beneath.

Despite his lankiness, he still maintained quite a bit of toned muscle. You knew he had a large scar by his ribcage, but this was your first time seeing it. If Toshinori was self-conscious about what you’d think of it (he was), he didn’t show it, but based on some of his comments earlier, you thought he might be.

“Does it hurt?” You asked Toshinori.

“No,” he said. “I think it’ll always be a bit tender. But it’s fine.”

“Just making sure,” you said. “I’ll be gentle just in case.”

Toshinori’s heart swelled in his chest; you always knew what he was really thinking, even when he was trying to put on a brave face. His thumbs hooked into the waistband of your skirt, which soon followed your stockings and his shirt in the pile on the floor. As he was removing your skirt, you ditched your sweater, letting it form a second pile that you’d worry about later.

Toshinori took a moment to admire your figure in nothing but your bra and panties, running his hands up and then down. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

“I think we’re a little unfairly dressed, Toshi,” you said as you sat up and reached for his belt and pants, unbuckling and unzipping. He stood to fully take them off, but was right back on top of you soon after.

He couldn’t keep his hands off of you once they were on, and one of those large hands slipped beneath your bra to cup your breast. Calloused fingers ran over your nipple, taking it between them, and your back arched a bit reflexively at the feeling of Toshinori’s touch. With his other hand, he gripped at your hip again, still unsure if this truly were happening to him, but he realized this was very much a reality when he felt your palm slowly run up his shaft.

Toshinori was already hard, but grew even harder at your touch. He moaned into your mouth and the hand fondling your breast gave it a squeeze, and the hand on your hip trailed down to your panties. He slipped his hand under it, and he moaned again when he felt that you were already wet. Toshinori moved his lips down your whole body until he reached your underwear, which he slid off delicately and then buried his face between your legs.

You kicked your underwear off as Toshinori began to eat you out. Your hands immediately went for his hair as his tongue worked wonders, truly exploring you as Toshinori’s hands gripped at your thighs. He relished in hearing your moan his name, feeling rather accomplished, and he didn’t stop until you came in his mouth twice. He had to pause to cough into his handkerchief after that, apologizing the whole way, but his apology got cut short when you had your mouth around his cock. When Toshinori looked down and saw you in nothing but your bra sucking him off, he thought he was dreaming again. But before he could get close from the feeling of your mouth wrapped around him, he said lowly, “Get back on the bed.”

The smirk returned to your face and you did as instructed. Toshinori climbed on top of you, barely letting you settle all the way on to your bed, hungry for more of you. When Toshinori’s cock slid into you, you both moaned at the feeling. You gripped at his shoulders as both of your hips found a rhythm, working in sync with one another. Toshinori’s lips trailed down your neck at the same slow pace he was thrusting into you, and he smiled into your skin at the feeling of your third climax, but this time around him. 

Truth be told, you had been wishing for this with your dear friend for a long time. You had known him for years and no one captivated you like he did, and even without your Quirk, you understood the layers deep down that he didn’t really share with anyone. The last few months especially had been a time of bonding for you two, and you always wondered if a bonding beyond friendship would be possible with Toshinori. 

You decided to surprise him by flipping him onto his back, keeping him inside of you, and transitioning to you riding him. Toshinori smiled as you began to rock your hips up and down on his cock, and his hands ran to your hips to guide you at the same pace as before. Your hands ran down his chest to his stomach - you were careful to do so extra gingerly when passing his scar, but you didn’t avoid it entirely so he wouldn’t think you were deterred by it - and then back up to rest on his pecs. 

After a few minutes of this and a fourth orgasm from you, Toshinori muttered, “(YN), I’m so close.”

“Can I taste you?”

Toshinori did not expect those words to come out of your mouth, especially with such a sweet tone, but he’d be damned if he denied you that. He nodded, letting you slowly slide off of him and return your mouth to his cock. You could taste yourself a bit on him, but that was soon washed out by the flavor of his cum - mild, slightly sweet, but still with a signature tang that was uniquely his. He ran his fingers through your hair while thinking that the sight of you looking up at him innocently as he came in your mouth was the hottest thing he’d ever see in his life.

When you returned to eye-level with him, he took you in his arms and kissed the top of your head. You were quiet for a few moments, the two of you processing everything that happened that day. Toshinori looked beyond content to be holding you, but there was a hint of worry there that he was hiding. You focused for a moment to use your Quirk, tapping into his mind, and then said, “I know you’re not just here for this, Toshi, don’t worry.” 

There it was - your Quirk in action. He almost forgot that you could read minds, which was why your Pro Hero name used to be Mind-eye. “How long have you been using your Quirk for?” Toshinori asked, startled.

“I haven’t until right now,” you reassured him. “Something looked like it was bothering you. I didn’t want to hurt you or anything.”

“Well, I’m glad you know, anyway,” he said with a nervous laugh that turned into another one of his coughs. “I didn’t want you getting the wrong idea. This was not what I had planned for today, but I’m not complaining.” 

You laughed. “That makes two of us.”

“You know,” Toshinori said, “I’ve had feelings for you since you told me I was in good company and not to worry. I don’t know why, but... but that really helped me. You’ve really helped me.”

His sappy side was starting to come out, not that you minded. You pressed a kiss to Toshinori’s nose and snuggled closer to him. “I’m glad I could.” 

[littlehollyleaf]

Loki E02: The Variant

I don’t care about mcu!Loki, she says. I’m not gonna get invested, she says. I’m certainly not going to rewatch episodes and make involved meta and speculation posts the likes of which I haven’t done for anything since pre-S10-spn...

she says

Soooooo

This is me making a few quick notes during my rewatch in which I expand on initial thoughts over here... uuuh... AND THEN SOME...

"How long have you been here?” 

“I don't know, it's hard to say, time passes differently here"

This exchange was important enough to highlight in the 'previously' AND right after a refresher of what variants are 

is it just about emphasising that the TVA exists outside time?

or is it the fact that Mobius DOESN'T KNOW/REMEMBER full details of his time as an agent that's significant?

If the latter, this could be further evidence Mobius is a variant... But, like, a FORCED one maybe? Deliberately taken from his time and recruited/indoctrinated by the TVA? Possibly with memories of his former life wiped/edited?? ...though why they would go to such trouble to have Mobius in particular for an agent is unclear...

Just noticed that Mobius calls the other Loki a FUGATIVE variant - does that imply that variants who are NOT fugatives, like Mobius is training 'our' Loki to be, are a known/common thing? Again, that would add to the idea that Mobius is a variant, and also @whispering-about-loki​'s exciting theory that ALL TVA agents are in fact variants.

(not theory related, but I like how the renaissance fair adds to the whole 'illusion hiding reality' theme :p even the random girl's 'some of us need this' relates - some people need to live/believe an illusion in order to cope/survive - which also includes themes of how fiction/stories are important, how they can be healing... but on the flip side of that there's also the way too much immersion in fiction/illusion can end up being harmful, potentially to others as much as yourself - a theme Wandavision also explores ofc)

Other!variant's mind control power looks a BIT similar to when Wanda mind controls people, only with wiggly green light not red... And ofc such a power in general is not something we've seen mcu!Loki (...or any comic Loki I don't think?) hold... @momecat​ mentioned to me recently how the other variant might be Enchantress as opposed to fem!loki and this might relate? Enchantress isn't a witch exactly, but her powers are... more 'witchy' than Loki's I think? (I haven't read many comics with her so may be wrong), so maybe this is a clue to that??

(also not theory related - but I greatly appreciate all the savvy exposition on the rules of TVA time travel, laws of time and the working of their gadgets - MUCH BETTER than Endgame so far imo, but we'll see how consistent the rules remain...

although, related - the Q of what the reset/prune device (those 2 terms apparently meaning the same thing) used on the timeline after Loki's escape actually did remains... did it disintegrate people/things from that point in Endgame? did that include the time travelling versions of Ant-Man etc who failed to get the Tesseract (like they were apoarently supposed to)? did it restore a 'correct' version of Loki back at Avengers tower who went to Asgard while Ant-Man etc actually DID get the Tesseract and the whole of Endgame is in fact being rewritten in the background of the show?? ...this could explain the variant that seems to look like Peggy - that being the TVA taking the Peggy who reunited with future!Cap out of the timeline as part of the reset? ...this is contradicted by Wandavision and FatWS ofc though, since those stories exist in a world/timeline in which Endgame happened as in the film, so, maybe not ...or that's evidence the TVA fail in their attempted reset ...or maybe the reset simply pings a Loki back to Avengers tower, but Ant-Man etc are still unable to get the Tesseract for some reason so the Endgame plot continues as is, and the Peggy looking variant is not Peggy we are just looking at that fuzzy background scene too deeply :P)

Loki compares the TVA to Asgard - arrogant rulers/nobles/authorities who are 'blind to the truth.' Implying the agents are like Odin, Thor and/or himself have been in the past perhaps - wrongly believing they are superior to those they rule (ie. the timeline and the individuals within it) and know what's best for them, controlling/manipulating where/how they live and what they know (ie. like how Odin manipulated Loki by arranging for him to live in Asgard and controlling Loki's understanding of himself by hiding/lying about his past/parentage)... and perhaps hinting that TVA agents may, like Loki, have had important aspects of their past/identity concealed from them? ie. further hinting at the agents/Mobius = variants theory...

Rings on the table in Renslayer's office - Mobius says they were 'already there' with no apparent memory/awareness that he caused them, as Renslayer goes on to insist. Were they made by other/variant Mobiuses??

"Sometimes you get tired of playing the same part. Is that possible? People can change"

"Not unless the Time Keepers degree it"

This is so exactly everything the kid!loki and Agent of Asgard plots were about it has me genuinely GIDDY <3 (and like with AoA, we even have Loki working as an AGENT for a TRIUMVIRATE who are actively resisting his attempts at change cos they want/need him to maintain his role as Evil Villain - fabulous!)

(I just realised that when explaining his apocalypse theory Loki... basically describes what he DOES DO during Ragnarok, right? Or at least a version of what happens - ie. pushing Hulk off the rainbow bridge and burning down the palace. Lol.)

(entirely unrelated, but I kinda want a side by side comparison of Loki and Mobius vs Ten and Donna Pompeii shenanigans :P)

"The TVA is my life and it's real because I believe it's real"

...now, I mentioned in recent tags that I have something of a Crack Theory that MOBIUS IS A TIME KEEPER / ALL THE TIME KEEPERS. 

Largely cos something about his name being THREE of the same letter is nagging at me and I wonder if it's a hint there's 3 of him or something, and there are 3 Time Keepers (linking to the mythological idea of 3 Fates, who ofc are said to know/control the destinies/timelines of everyone and stuff... and 3 states of time ie. Past Present Future), so...

ANYWAY, he says the above and... obviously it can just be another link to the illusion/reality theme - people can potentially make a fiction real if they perform it enough eg. if Loki were to persist in his pursuit of ruling worlds and acting like he enjoys hurting/killing, then eventually he would surely BECOME the power mad villain he's pretending to be, because the fact it started out an act wouldn't matter, he's still being that villain, it has become the reality experienced by him and those around him... likewise, even if the idea of the TVA as a benevolent force trying to protect time is/was a lie, if enough agents like Mobius believe in that ideal and genuinely act in ways that try and protect time, then the lie is gradually becoming true...

BUT... on the other hand... maybe it's a sneaky hidden Easter Egg line that hints at Mobius' true nature as TIME KEEPER(S) who literally did/do create the existence of the TVA??! :P (like Chuck in spn calling himself a 'cruel, capricious god' before the reveal that he IS, in fact, god).......... Renslayer's comment that the Time Keepers are heavily invested in catching the other variant... could support this? She is referencing Mobius' own investment in catching the variant... This is assuming she knows who/what Mobius is, but HE DOESN'T KNOW for some reason (and it will be a shock to him, like Loki discovering he's a frost giant)... oh oh, his line about people getting tired of being the same thing - maybe he got tired of being a Time Keeper and wiped his own memory?? To try and change and/or experience mortal things???

...maybe there is a Past Mobius, a Present Mobius and a Future Mobius, in keeping with the whole number 3 thing going on??

(maybe it will make for a bittersweet tragic end to his and Loki’s friendship(romance?) because Mobius will ultimately have to return to his true state of being as a Higher Power or whatever and cannot possibly maintain a mortal(ish) life with anyone, no matter how they’ve come to care for each other - al a the ending of The Last Unicorn???!)

Oh dear. This is supposed to be a crack theory, but... I can see myself getting rather invested...

Moving on!

Roxxcart - there's something beautifully meta about us watching a version of Loki on a screen, where a version of Loki is being watched by a version of Loki, who is watching a version of Loki on a screen :P

Roxxcart logo is 2 Xs with circles above them - looks like 2 identical representatives of a person. Apropos :)

Also it's a chain store - one of multiple, identical stores, and yet each with minor variations to each other - reflecting the whole multiple timelines/variants thing. That's cool. Everything about this show is just working together so nicely, it’s the meta equivillant of complimentary colours, I love it! :D

No ideas yet on what poor hostage agent's ramblings mean - what's 'real'? what did she give away that told other variant how to find the Time Keepers? (and does it fit my Crack Theory?? :P) - on a side note, I’m happy the actress got another gig after the Utopia remake got cancelled, I liked her in that a lot and she’s just as cool here.

(was the robot dog a reference to Thori? ...oh! or K9 maybe??)

Final prediction - 'our' Loki is totally gonna stage a dramatic return to the TVA next ep and save Mobius from a (potentially lethal) reprimand, tho, right? Cos regardless of whether he genuinely was betraying Mobius when he ran or not, he's totally gonna realise he cares about him, yes? :) I'm thinking something like - 'ofc I wasn't betraying you all, this was Mobius' masterplan all along to put me in a position to get vital intel on the variant...' y/n/m?

[tellywoodtrash]

Hi TTji, here I am with more TV digest. SP: MHRW - Amma replaced by new actor with HECK LOT foundation to 'darken' her and Raghav is TPDBD. Same plot (luck again FL, ML taking badla, FL turns innocent, ML being savior) in a loop. YRKKH - Sensible for time being. Sirat's ex is in picture. Kartik & Sirat have healthy convos. Obv Rhea is dying to break the marriage and grab most wanted Munda for herself. SNS - Most sensible leads as of yet? The show still remembers she wants education??? [1/4]

Aksjdlsakjdlskajdlskajldkjslj TPDBD has truly entered myyyyy daily vocabulary as well. It’s such an amazingggggg acronymmmm. Fitteh muh on these fucking ppl who can’t just hire one actual dark skinned actress. I hate this show without even watching it because of everything it stands for. It offends me on a personal level. 🤬🤬🤬

Ofc YRKKH mein abhi bhi shaadi ka silsila jaari hi hai. Ouff, India ke wedding industry ko iss ek hi couple ne kaayam rakha hua hai. 🤑🤑🤑

SNS ke baare mein I never cared, and I never will. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

YHC - Not Chaahat, only mystery and horror like Aahat. FL attempting to expose villains but ML blind cuz it's his true mum and step bro. Anu - Overdramatically yet sensibly depicting divorce and it's ripple effects on fam (kisses for healthy maa-beta & saas-bahu jodi). SM - Preeti is replaced by Nupur from MJHT.  KT pretends to be good friend Keertan and shitty rich dude KT to Nu-*cough* Mohi/Preeti. Idk abt the kids. Imlie - Malini reacts normally seeing Imlie wear her sindoor. Finally [2/4] 

NO CHAAHAT, ONLY AAHAT 🤣🤣🤣

Anupama, SM, aur Imlie reiterating the life lesson ki pyaari beheno, zindagi mein kuch bhi karo, parrr shaadi mat karo, saaaaalon tak siyaapa hi siyaapa hai. Just be single, have awesome friends and pets, aur mazze ke life jiyo.

SAAKK - FL thinks ML in love with ex. ML clears the air, tells *cough* yells I LOVE YOU DAMNIT *oh wait that was another show* but same and FL is like WOAH. PANDYA - No one realises the DISASTER getting FL forcibly married to her beloved's brother (who marries his own lover) cuz now she gotta live in the same house with her beloved but as his bhabhi? ANNS - The  blind ML has been the most aware ML in ITV history. Understands to-be-wife being slighted and flips shit! Next is Zee, Sony & Colors 

SAAKK ki incredibly cute FL is stuck in such a michmichi-inducing (for me) show ke mera dillllllllllllll dukhta hai. Koi isko aur GHKPM ke Sai ko bas foreign bhej do where they can do padhaai and become their best selves without being distracted by boy troubles. Sahi kehte hain desi maa-baap, padhai ke waqt ladkon ke chakkaron mein nahi padna chahiye, warna poori zindagi kharaab ho jaati hai. Abhi dekh bhi liya.

Pandya mein seeing Sonakshi from KHKT ki bitchy choti behen be one abla bechaari, and Nazar show waali achchi behen being a hellraising chantomayi is giving me whiplash. Beech mein bechaare bhaiyya-bhaabi jabaran phasein, who kinda deserve it coz honestly wtf were they thinking forcing this bloody shaadi no one wanted. 🙄🙄🙄

ANNS ka hero is wholesome bean but ouff the FL’s family (???? is it even her family? Or her sister’s sasuraal or some shit in which case, phew.) Anyway kaafi off-brand Gauri Kumari Sharma vibes mil rahe mujhe FL se toh I can’t somehow get into it yet. 😐😐😐

ZEE. Kumkum - Pragya asking fam members to help her (Abhi in jail) Rhea (the twin who hates Pragya) agrees. Kundali - Preeta has her hair perfect in jail while ML tries to fix shit. Jindri - Locking wife in room is the new way of showing love. Katti Batti - shit show from promo so no info (total biwi#1 when she should be dumping his dumb ass). Rest IDK, the plots above my head. SONY. 7 1/2 - The show has bad prod quality for some reason. Not watching. (need more space for next so see you in #5) 

Yeh poora ka poora ZEE channel hi nahi chahiye mereko. Nothing on it has appealed to me since Qubool Hai and I highly doubt anything ever will. Bleargh. 🤢🤢🤢

Yeh 7 1/2 kaunsa show hai Sony pe??????? 🤔🤔🤔

KUDCA - FL runs away from marrying Veer. He hires fake bride (turns out it is FL who was briefly reunited with her bff who is now kothewaali). COLORS. Namak - Always abusive ML (can't act) now in love with FL (can act) and his family is shitty, as usual. Pinjra - Makers pulled a Main Na Bhoolungi. SSK - archaic shit is back. Shakti - ML post plastic surgery trying to convince FL that he is ML. Fans hate new actor btw. BB - Kid topped, so going to hostel? Bawara Dil - TOXIC SHIT!!! Love, Baby J

KUDCA ka main kya hi boloon, whole thing sounds like a clusterfuck.

Namak is such a weird mindfuck of a show, beech mein kuch kaala jaadoo type bhi hain. ML nafrat se pyaar tak pohunch gaya lekin majaal ho jo uske chehre pe shikan tak aaye. Someone explain to me why that Nazar waali daayan ki character is the mom to two of the ladies (who are easily in their 30s, yet mummy looks younger......... Must be all the kaala jaadoo), but everyone calls her didi, including her daughters??? Also why do these two families live together???? Why does this show exist in general??????////

Pinjra waali shaayad na bhoolegi but I sure forgot this show exists. Thank god for my brain just filtering out the info it doesn’t want and being like sorry 404, page not found. Saves me a lot of rage.

SSK mein I just need to know what new species Simar (or choti Simar, or whoever) is gonna metamorphize  into. May I suggest a cow, since that’s the only animal that gets any respect and protection in this country these days.

The way I gaspeddddddddddddddd when I saw OG Anurag Basu backkkkkkkkkk??????// Bhai is on what virgin-blood-drinking regimen ki he still looks exact same???? Sir pls to share sekrits.

Bawara Dil - First I’m ever hearing of this show, and thus, I really dgaf.