#but on the other hand if you wouldn’t force me to get a Pap smear I would gladly come in and do every other part of the process to be able-

[l-sincline]

Random tmi rant in the hash of tags bc I’m sad ab it

[sleeperswakewriting]

A humble fic request; in which Petra convinced herself that Levi only regards her as a baby maker. We need emotional & conflicted rivetra 🥺

Dude, I have a whole Handmaids Tale AU drafted which is going to be this theme. But until then, have this drabble of Petra being a surrogate mom and Levi is a 40 year old finance man!

Rated: T

Word Count: 1.6k

“Do you need anything else?”

Levi propped Petra’s head up with another pillow while she giggled. “I’m good. Thank you, Levi.” She rubbed her swollen eight-month stomach and gently patted it. “Your dad is going to be a helicopter parent, I just know it.”

Levi pouted and took away her bed tray. “Am not. I’m just making sure the mother of my child is comfortable. Daisy will thank me later,” and he leaned over to kiss Petra’s stomach, whispering only to his daughter, “Won’t you?”

Petra’s heart welled, trying to temper the misplaced affection she garnered. He wasn’t speaking lovingly to her but to his daughter. Not Petra’s. That agreement was settled before they even conceived via a fertility clinic.

Down on her luck, Petra was desperate to pay for her college tuition after her father lost her job. She combed through everything: bartending, waitressing, dropping down to part-time, but nothing would even come close to the thousands of dollars she would need. She could drop out, get a job, and then return to school, but she knew the statistics. People rarely returned after they left, and she was determined to finish school and help her dad from going under.

So, she did what any twenty-something year old would do, desperate for cash—she searched the internet. She could donate her eggs, but that would only barely cover what she needed, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to have several little Petras running around without her knowledge. Her genes were good as far as she knew, and no glaring medical issues from her mother or father’s side. Her mother died early from a car accident, but her maternal grandparents were fit as they could be at their age.

When she found a thread on becoming a surrogate mother, Petra nervously clicked on the website and began to read testimonies. Good, bad, downright horrific, she came out on the other side with an array of opinions and a choice. There was an agency right down the road from her school, and she told herself that she would only stop by for a consult to see if she would be a good fit. All she wanted was information.

Then she ran into Levi Ackerman in the waiting room.

Forty years old, he was every girl’s sugar daddy dream from his peppered gray hair and well-tailored suit. She caught him grumbling about all the paperwork and she made a joke if he was trying to have a baby, he was going to have to fill out a lot more.

He laughed and asked her if she was a current surrogate. Tongue-tied, she said she was still thinking about it.

“Why don’t we skip all this bullshit paperwork and have a drink?”

She assumed he meant he wanted to sleep with her and she heartily accepted. As luck would have it, he wasn’t a sleazy man trying to take advantage of a young woman, and he was completely serious about using her as a surrogate, without the trouble of a third party. He had a private lawyer to handle all the legal and financial matters, but he said he would be more comfortable knowing the mother of his child.

“I’d like to attend all the doctor’s appointments too.”

What could a single, 40-year-old man want with a baby, Petra wondered, and she asked him on their first “date.”

“I’m lonely. Love never worked out for me and I’ve always wanted children. I want at least one before I get too old to take care of it. I have a fortune that I want my own blood to inherit, I don’t have any relatives. You get to an age where you start to think about future generations, and I’m tired of waiting for the right one.”

That was enough for Petra to agree after he told her the amount he was offering. It would be more than enough for the rest of her college tuition and it would cover her living expenses until she obtained a full-time job.

What turned into a financial arrangement blossomed into the most wonderful eight months of Petra’s life. The insemination felt like a regular pap-smear, and since they were tracking her ovulation, within two weeks, they were pregnant.

Levi was overjoyed and treated her to dinner, discussing all the names he had in mind.

“What do you think of the name Daisy?” he asked on a trip back from the doctor’s. He held a coffee in his hand and Petra mirrored him, except hers was decaf.

She forced a laugh, though it pained her to imagine a different time and place where her opinion would be taken into consideration.“It’s your child, Levi!” she chided, giving him a playful bump with her hip.

“I don’t want you to hate it.”

She could never hate anything that came from him.

Part of the agreement was that she wasn’t allowed to date while carrying his child and Petra didn’t mind in the slightest. Levi took one look at her one-bedroom college dorm and demanded she move in with him until the baby was born, and then as long as she wanted to breastfeed. Even though he had preferences, citing the latest research, he understood it was unrealistic to take up nearly a year of Petra’s life.

She also didn’t want to get too attached to him or the baby, but from the moment she saw the first ultrasound, she cried. Levi held her hand, his eyes dancing on the screen and not on her, and she wished he would look at her like that.

Through their interactions, she learned he was a kind, though odd, man. He kept to himself most nights, preferring to read in the evenings after his busy job in finance. Why finance? She asked him, interested since she was studying accounting. Makes good money, it’s boring as shit though. His reply sent butterflies down her stomach; she didn’t realize she enjoyed dry humor so much until she met Levi. His mannerisms were a delight in themselves, and the effortlessly cool persona he embodied was sexy as hell.

“That’s why I want a kid. There’s more to life than work.”

Somewhere along the way, she fell in love. It was in tender moments when he’d rub her back when her stomach ached from the weight of their, no, his daughter. Or when held her hair when she had morning sickness, she quickly learned how much he hated messes from his immaculate living space.

The worst part was when he unveiled the nursery. Levi lived alone in a three-bedroom house, and she knew he was making renovations in preparation for the baby. Between the paint fumes and sawdust, she generally kept away from that part of the house since she made herself comfortable in the large room he outfitted her.

“Close your eyes,” Levi said, placing his hands over her face. Petra laughed, reminding him again that this wasn’t for her.

“I want her to feel your excitement.”

So she acquiesced with a heaviness in her soul and when Levi revealed the room, she cried.

“Blame it on the hormones,” she said, wiping away her tears. A field of daisies was painted along the walls and a decadent crib sat on one side of the wall. By the window sat a mahogany rocking chair with a cushion, and Petra imagined herself nursing. She would coo while Levi looked at the greatest loves of his life.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” He asked excitedly. He began to move throughout the room and the utterly happy expression on his face urged Petra to reach out.

“I got a mobile to match the room, but maybe she’d like animals instead?”

“Do you think this elephant looks constipated?”

“Maybe I should get a darker shade of pink—wouldn’t want vomit stains.”

Petra knew his affection was nothing more than friendship. While she insisted that she didn’t want or needed to be a part of their lives, Levi offered to send her pictures as their daughter grew older. She was still undecided, after all, this was supposed to be a pit stop in her life. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with the man whose baby she was carrying. This was a financial transaction.

And yet, seated on Levi’s couch, with her head pillowed in his lap while he rubbed her stomach as she bemoaned of muscle aches, Petra allowed herself to dream as she breathed in his musky cologne.

He was wearing gray sweatpants and a white shirt, a sight that she reveled in since he rarely deviated from his well-dressed attire. With his hair freshly washed and a five o’clock shadow set in, she imagined him rubbing his chin along her bare skin as he kissed her. She would love to be ruined by him, but with her state, he would take his time, worshipping her body. He’d whisper how lucky he was to have found her—the perfect mother to his child and woman of his dreams. With her swollen belly, she’d have to be taken from behind, but she wouldn’t care, just as long as he loved her.

That’s all she wanted.

Turning her head so that her face fell into his lap, Levi threaded long fingers through her hair while he turned the volume down on the TV.

“Time for bed?”

Petra shook her head, pretending to yawn but allowed a bleary smile to weave between her lips. “Just a little while longer. I’m comfy.”

His deep laugh sent longing down her spine.

“Sure,” and he rubbed another circle into her stomach, “whatever you need.” And he moved to raise the volume, not seeking idle chatter between them.

Petra moved to face him and played with the drawstrings of his sweatpants.

One more month and this would all be over.

She was going to savor every last moment, even if it broke her.

[avengerscompound]

The Surrogate - Chapter 8

The Surrogate:  A Clintasha Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Word Count:  1789

Rating:  E

Warnings:  Pregnancy, talk of miscarriage, medical proceedures

Synopsis: A freak end of the world incident leads to meeting your two best friends, Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff.  While your friendship with the two Avengers is anything but conventional, they are your all-time favorite people.  When you find out that Clint and Natasha want to start a family but have exhausted all their options, you realize your powerset might allow you to give them what they want.  Having your best friends’ baby might seem like a good idea on paper, but when you are as close as you, Clint, and Natasha are, will doing something so intimate mean feelings get a little mixed up?

Chapter 8

Everyone had told you there was nothing to worry about.  The embryo implantation was one of the easiest parts of the whole surrogacy process.  No harder than a pap smear and there was nothing you needed to really worry about doing differently.  You just had to wait and see if it worked.  Yet, as you say in the chair with your feet in stirrups and the doctor crouched between your legs you were filled with intense anxiety.

It was strange really.  Natasha seemed to have deployed the self-preservation technique of expecting the worst so she wouldn't be hurt when the worst happened. She'd gone in to have her eggs harvested saying there probably wouldn't be any.  When she was told they were happy with the number they harvested, she decided that none would become viable embryos and when she was told they had at least five good looking embryos to implant, she decided that none of the three they were using would take.  You assumed that if they did take she'd start saying there would be a miscarriage just to prepare herself for the potentially bad news.

Clint on the other hand seemed to be cheerily optimistic about it. You weren't sure if that was just his way of trying to balance Natasha out.  He had his moments where he was so sure it was going to work that he'd start freaking out about the idea of being anyone's dad that seemed genuine.  Otherwise, it did just seem like he was trying to get Natasha's head out of the dark cloud that was surrounding her.

You knew it was going to work.  It had to.  Everything made sense and this was going to happen and they were going to be parents and you were going to give that to them.  You knew it was the truth, right down to your core.  Yet, as you sat in the chair as vulnerable as you’ve ever been, you couldn’t help but think; what if you were wrong?

You clung to Natasha’s hand and she held it close to her chest as Clint stood with his arm wrapped around her waist, his eyes darting everywhere like he was trying not to look directly at your vag on display, as if he hadn’t been all up in it before.

“Okay,” the doctor said, pulling the catheter and then speculum out.  “All done.  You can get redressed.  You don’t have to do anything special today.  Take it easy but you shouldn’t just go home and get into bed. Get up.  Walk around.  Watch TV.  Use the bathroom if you need to.  Just no vigorous exercise.”

“Are you sure?  There’s nothing we can do to increase the odds?”  Clint asked.

She shook her head as she began to clean up.  “Now it’s just a waiting game.  But you’ll be back in two days for a blood test and we’ll know if it worked, so this stress of the unknown you’re all feeling will be over soon and you can hopefully have the stress of preparing for a baby instead.”

Clint laughed. “Yeah, that’s much better, isn’t it, Nat?”

Natasha forced a smile and you got up.  “Make an appointment for two weeks for a blood test and when we know the result we’ll work out what appointment to make next.”

“Will, do,”  Clint said.  “Thanks, doc.”

I went and redressed and met Clint and Natasha out in the waiting room.  “Alright?”  Clint said.

“Yep,” you agreed.

“We made an appointment for two weeks,” Natasha said.  The way she spoke was stiff and forced.  Almost as if she was afraid that saying too much would cause the embryos to fail their implantation.

“Great,” you said, with a nod.

Clint slung his arm around your shoulders and pulled Natasha close.  “Can I tell you both a secret?”  He whispered conspiratorially as the three of you headed out to the hospital parking lot.

“What is it?” You asked.

“I hate being the together one,” he said.  “Come on you two, let’s try not to think about it, and in two days we’ll know right?”

You nodded.  “I just… I know this is going to work.  This is what I do.  But if I’m wrong, I don’t want to hurt either of you.”

“Oh, babe,” Clint sighed.

Natasha stopped walking and stepped in front of you, she looked directly into your eyes.  The green of eyes seemed to pierce right into you.  “If this doesn’t work, it’s not your fault.  I’m not going to pretend it won’t hurt, because it will.  But I will always be grateful that you even gave it a go.  This is our only chance to have kids, and the fact you were willing to give it to us, however small it is, is the greatest gift anyone has ever given to me.”

By the time she had finished talking you were weeping.  She pulled you into her arms and you buried your face in her neck.  You felt an overwhelming urge to tell her you loved her but the fact you didn’t even know what that meant right now made you hold it back.  Maybe it was just that you loved her because she was your best friend, but the more time you spent with her and Clint the more you felt it wasn’t just friends.

“Alright,” Clint said, rubbing both of your backs.  “Let’s get easy-bake back home, we’ve got doctor's orders sloth happening.  We don’t want to waste it.”

You spent the next couple of days taking it easy.  You had taken the week off because of the doctor’s appointments taking up so much time.  So you just caught up with tv shows and ate food that was probably very bad for you.

Two days later Clint and Natasha took you in for the blood test, and then you just went back to work as usual.  Not that there was a lot going on.  There were a few agents out in deep cover and Steve and Tony had some appearances to make.  So for you, it was just honing your skills.

You were on the firing ranging trying to improve your accuracy with a handgun when you felt your phone vibrate.  You flicked the safety on your gun and holstered it before answering.  Unfortunately, the room was still full of the sound of gunfire and it wasn't until you got into the armory that you could hear the other person on the line.

“Shit, sorry,” you apologized.  “Noisy room.”

The woman on the other end told you she was from the doctor's office and confirmed it was you as you bounce nervously from foot to foot and went about the procedure for locking your weapon back up while juggling your phone.

“We have the results of your pregnancy test,” the woman said.

“Yes,” you replied.  “What…? Is it…?  Am I…?”

“The results are positive,” she said.  “Congratulations…”

The receptionist kept talking but you didn't hear anything past that point.  It was all white noise as your excitement took you over and all you could think about was putting the god damned gun away so you could tell your best friends they were going to be parents.

“Sorry,” you said, quickly.  “Sorry, what was that?”

“You were transferring your care to… Uh… The Avengers facility?” She repeated.

“Yes, right,” you said.  “In-house.”

“Okay, well we’ll forward all the records on to them.  You should have your first appointment in four weeks with an ultrasound.  Then they'll go from there.”

“Thank you,” you babbled.  “Yeah, thank you very much.  I'll go speak to them.”

“You're very welcome,” she said.  “Congratulations again.”

You disconnected the call and shoved your phone in your pocket as you hurriedly locked the gun back up and dashed out of the armory.

“FRIDAY,” you said as you sped out of the hallway and across the grounds.  “Where are Natasha and Clint?”

“Agent Barton is training behind building C with Miss Bishop,” the AI replied.  “And Agent Romanoff is in combat room three with Miss Maximoff.”

“Ah, shit,” you cursed, stopping dead in your tracks.  They were in two different directions and if you went and collected Clint before you went to get Natasha, which would be the most logical thing to do, he'd just bug you for the results the whole way.  “Tell them to come to the function room.”

You changed direction and headed to the main building.  The top floor was a function room that was primarily where parties were held and contained a full bar.  You took the elevator up and took out a bottle of champagne and hid it so it was sitting in the sink under a dish towel the foil already removed so you could easily pop the cork, and quickly poured yourself a drink that would look like a cocktail without being one using grenadine and orange juice.

You were sipping on the slightly too sweet drink when Natasha rushed into the room and stopped dead.  Her eyes darted from your face to the drink in your hand and her face fell.  Right away you regretted the ruse.  “No, no, no,” you babbled, putting the glass down.  Clint skidded into the room behind Natasha and stopped dead.

“What?  What's going on?  You got the results?”  He asked looking around the room for some clue as to whether you were pregnant or not.

“I did,” you said, quickly trying to waylay the sadness that had struck Natasha so suddenly.  “I am.  Pregnant that is.  You're going to be parents.”

“What?” Natasha said, blinking at you.  “But the drink…?”

“It's orange juice and grenadine,” you said, getting out the champagne from the sink.  “I got this out for the two of you to celebrate.”

“Oh my god!” Natasha exclaimed.  “You little… I'm gonna kill you!”

“After the baby’s born right?” You asked as she and Clint approached you.

“Immediately after,” she said, wrapping her arms around you and pulling you close.  Clint wrapped his arms around both of you and squeezed you both into a huge bearhug.

“Congratulations, guys,” you said, softly.  “You're gonna be parents.”

“Thank you,” Natasha whispered.

The three of you stayed like that for what felt like an eternity before slowly pulling apart.  Clint kept his hands on Natasha’s hips and you popped the cork on the champagne.  “You guys should celebrate.”

Natasha looked up into Clint’s blue eyes and smiled. “Hey, Nat,” Clint said.  “You're gonna be a mommy.”

Natasha made a soft sound and he leaned in and kissed her.  You grabbed two glasses and poured the drink.  Even though this was their moment and you planned to leave them to it, you couldn't remember ever feeling this happy before.

// NEXT

[serensama]

To Release #3

Jaehee needs to let MC go.

Years ago, I had asked the amazing @promiscuous-jalapeno to write a HC for me when I was too scared to write my own and she did an amazing job- tore me right up it did. I asked her shortly thereafter if she minded if I tried to do it and she was kind enough to encourage me. Nearly 4 years and I’ve finally done it. 

Trigger warnings: Character death, mentions of blood and aneurysm.

This is for my friend, my sister- Susana. I don’t know how to let you go. But one day I will. And one day I will see you again. Rest well until then dear one.

This is for my baby, my puppy Meiko- run free my little one. I know you’ll be waiting for me too. Keep Susana company and keep her safe until we catch up, okay? Good Boy. 

-       It was just a routine check-up.

-       It was the bane of her existence so of course she delayed it as far as possible because she hated doing it.

-       But Jaehee wouldn’t relent when she found out the last time she had a pap smear was over six years ago.

-       In amidst all the “I can’t believe you’ve been so irresponsible” or “You have to look after yourself” and “What were you doing before you started dating me?” she didn’t fail to hear what her girlfriend was truly saying, I love you and I want you to love yourself as much as I do.

-       Which, if she was being honest was half the reason she stayed away from those little metal contraptions of pain was because she loved herself… but she was arguing semantics with herself and that wouldn’t get her anywhere. Or get her girlfriend to stop prodding her to go and get it done.

-       So, Jaehee stopped nagging and just booked her in for an appointment.

-       MC could still remember the instant rage she felt at hearing her just make a choice for her, especially when it came to her own body. Yes she understood that Jaehee had done it coming from a place of good and only with the purest of intents- but it still pissed of her off to no end. She almost threw the dough she was kneading right in her pretty face. “Jaehee, I’m not a child-”

“Well you’re certainly acting like it.” “Urgh! Stop it! I know that I needed to get tested but I wanted to do this in my own time, with my own doctors and-”

“I booked it in with your doctor.” “That’s not the point!” “We can reschedule the appointments to later if you wish.” “Yes! I will reschedule the… wait… appointments?” “Of course, our appointments. You don’t think I would ask you to do something you’re so obviously worried  alone would you?” she asked wiping the sweat on her upper lip on the back of her arm, completely focused on finishing up the cleaning of the kitchen. Jaehee waited for a moment to see if she would answer before continuing with a disbelieving shake of her head. “You know me better than that. I may have booked you in without your knowledge but I was never going to force you into going. I just wanted to kick you into action is all. Your health is important to me. “… I know.” “I love you.”

“I know.” “That and no-one else makes cinnamon rolls as good as you can.”

“Ha, damn straight they don’t.”

-       At the very least when MC finally lay there ready to be examined, with her hands fisted under her ass and legs embarrassingly spread flush against the bed, she was comforted by Jaehee’s soft caresses of her shoulder and her kind, encouraging words whispered into her ear- MC knew she was not alone. A favour she fully intended to repay  once her girlfriend replaced her to be the one who was prodded and poked.

-       It was over within 15 minutes for the both of them.

-       She didn’t even know why she had kept putting it off. Yes it was awkward and uncomfortable but for the peace of mind it gave to Jaehee and the irreplaceable smile it drew upon her face, she’d do it again in a heartbeat. Well. In the next three years at least.

-       Life went much back to normal, day in and out at the coffee shop and then back home with her… she couldn’t ask for much more than that.

-       She had all but forgotten about the test until she got a call three days later. She remembered her doctor’s voice on the other line asking if she wanted to come in and the instead dread that filled her veins at her tone. Why would they call if it was all normal? Why would they ask to speak face to face if it wasn’t serious? MC couldn’t recall exactly what she said but she knew it was in the lines of “just put me out of my misery.”

-       But she couldn’t.

-       She said they results were inconclusive and abnormal results didn’t necessarily mean the worst, however further testing needed to be done.

-       Fine. More horrible tests. She could deal with that. She could. It was going to be fine.

-       MC had delayed telling Jaehee, she didn’t know how to tell her. Whenever she rehearsed it in her head it always sounded like she was already saying her goodbyes and the last thing she wanted was to give her a coronary because she misspoke.

-       It was only until the night before her next scheduled test that she finally gave in and told her. Just blurting it out without any preamble because no matter how she said it, her fear coloured her words.

-       Jaehee… took it very well.

-       Surprisingly well.

-       She sat there for a couple of minutes, eyes fluttering for a moment before blinking rapidly, as if her brain was catching up and processing everything MC had just said to her. “So… at the moment they aren’t sure what it is and need to do further tests to make sure they can treat whatever it is you may have properly, is that correct?” she asked clasping her hands together in a way that reminded MC of Jumin after Saeyoung and Yoosung had just told him that they took Elizabeth the Third to the wrong groomers and they had shaved off all her fur bar her head and tail- like he was trying to figure out how to fix their mistake but also find a way to kick their asses. Jaehee may not want to kick her ass but it was as if she was attempting to already plan how to fix this all for her… and most likely disappointed in her for not telling her sooner. “I’m sorry okay?” MC sulked, pressing her palms against the top of her thighs, fingers scrunched in the fabric of her dress. “I know I messed up by not telling you sooner I just… I didn’t know how to. I don’t even know what to think at the moment.”

-       Jaehee reached over, her dainty fingers curling around her own and giving them a reassuring squeeze. MC peered up from her lap and into her partner’s large eyes and returned her tentative smile. “Don’t apologise, I get it. I totally do. I’m not mad. You didn’t mess up- I just want to make sure I have all the details I need to help you. I’m coming to this a little later than you so I’m catching up and-” “Planning?” “Ah… yes. Yes I guess I am. Take the girl out of the Assistant role, but you can’t take the Assistant out of the girl.”

-       MC could understand that. Everyone reacted things differently and if Jaehee needed to gather information and plan for all possible contingencies then she would not deny her that. Herself- she much preferred to wallow and stress because that was all she could do.

-       Physical exam, Biopsy, Biopsy, Bloods and Physical exam, Imaging…

-       She was really getting over seeing her doctors and sitting in waiting rooms. Getting real sick of Jaehee calling off sick with her to sit with her at every appointment and asking all the questions she should be asking herself.

-       It was two weeks later after all the tests had come back, her hand in Jaehee’s, sat in two worn and uncomfortable armchairs that she received the news she had been dreading to hear. Stage 3. Spread to lymph nodes. Was Asymptomatic. Aggressive treatment for aggressive growth. Immediately. Shit. Shit.

-       She could feel the squeeze of Jaehee’s hand tighten with each moment that passed. MC glanced to the side to see a calm veneer painted upon her girlfriend’s face as she nodded along with whatever the doctor was saying, interjecting whenever appropriate to ask more questions or to clarify something she may have misunderstood.

-       MC on the other hand could barely talk, she believed she may have thanked the doctor and agreed to seeing them for a follow up and to start their treatment regime. She remembered picking up her bag and apologising to someone she ran into getting off the elevator. Recalled the feel of the cheap leather on the backseat of the taxi under her hands as she slid herself over to make room for Jaehee.

-       After moments of silence, Jaehee cleared her throat and looked out the window. “Um.. what did you want for lunch?”

-       And then she cried. Cried for her anxiety and her fear, cried for her frustration and her exhaustion, cried for herself and for Jaehee. She didn’t care that the driver kept looking up in his rear-view mirror to gawk at the sobbing mess she had become; all she could handle was the immense weight of what she was to face and the feel of her girlfriend’s hand slip into her own, the familiar feeling loosening up the shackles that were constricting her chest just that little bit. It was her turn to squeeze Jaehee’s hand.

-       Being at hospital sucked. Like… s u c k e d.

-       She hated that her friends couldn’t see her because they were afraid she’d get sicker and that Jaehee was taking even more time away from work to be with her. She was tired all the time and the room wouldn’t stop spinning, food tasted funny and she was just bored. MC was so used to running around from dawn till dusk, she was always talking to people and baking and laughing and… God, when was the last time she really laughed?

-       … When was the last time Jaehee had laughed?

-       She was always so calm and understanding it wanted to make her scream sometimes. But she kept quiet because… she just didn’t have any words.

-       The surgery and first course of treatment went well enough that the doctors were happy for her to leave. Even though she was being wheeled out, it felt like she was dancing. She was never so happy to see the crowded streets and being stuck in a traffic jam. It was so much better than sitting in a hospital bed feeling sorry for herself.

-       It was also better than watching Jaehee pouring over different journals and websites to better prepare of what may come in regards to her illness and other treatments which could help progress her rehabilitation. Or so she thought it would be, if the woman ever stopped.

-       Jaehee was no longer working, putting more and more responsibility on the assistant manager than she should have been. No more.

-       “Jaehee?” she called out from the sofa to her at the dining table, the woman looking so tiny amongst all the books that were open and the loose pieces of paper strewn about everywhere with her scribbled notes. Jaehee pushed up her glasses, something she hadn’t worn in the longest time and turned to face her. “Can we go to the coffee shop please? I’m really over just staying here doing nothing but watching daytime soaps. I can literally feel my brain rotting.”

Jaehee frowned and sat up, wincing as she stretched out the knotted muscles of her lower back and craning her neck side to side, loud cracks resounding in the air. “MC,” she began, the disapproval in her tone more than evident. “I don’t think that’s a great idea, you’re stabilised sure, but why should we take more risks than necessary?” she posed as she spun her body to completely face her.

-       MC took in the sight of her. Hair pulled back into a messy bun, fingerprints all over the lenses on her glasses; clothes rumpled with a coffee stain down her front from where she accidentally spilled it on herself earlier that morning as she multi-tasked between balancing the shop’s books and researching if there were any homeopathic remedies that would help with her aches and pains to work alongside her prescribed drugs. Jaehee was burning herself out and if she didn’t take care of herself soon, the next time they’d be in hospital would be for her and there was no way she’d allow Jaehee to get that sick and drained ever again. She made that promise when she first joined the RFA and not this illness- not even Jaehee herself- would make her break her promise.

-       “You took a risk on me and that paid off. You took a risk on the business with me… and that’s paid off… can’t you trust me about this again? It’s barely a risk at all. Just me in the corner with a book as you work.” She could see Jaehee’s resolve weaken as she gave her the best rendition of puppy eyes she could muster. Her beleaguered girlfriend pulled off her glasses and untied her hair, running her fingers through them as she let out a long, deep groan. “You’ll be the death of me, you know that right?” she grinned, the mirth not quite reaching her sleep deprived eyes.  

-       It took a while but they both learned how to adjust to their new normal. It took a little bit longer to get ready each day, making sure they had the right concoction of pills to last her until they made it back home and packing things like blankets, extra pillows or scarves to ensure her comfort at their cafe.

-       MC had tried multiple spots within their quaint little shop, however trying to find a location that was both comfortable and in the direct line of vision of her lovely girlfriend proved difficult. This chair was too hard. That chair too soft. This chair she couldn’t see Jaehee except for a tuft of hair- until finally, on their fifth day and a lot of back pain later, she sat in the large wingback chair by the window, just to the left of the register. Jaehee would began to place a reserved sign there so no one could take the seat away from  her beloved MC.

-       Jaehee was grateful that they could spend time together like this, even if it meant just stealing looks at MC every so often whenever she got the chance. At night they would come home and curl up on the couch, both wrapped up in a quilt with a cup of tea in their hands as they watched whatever movie played on the TV. It didn’t matter because she never paid attention to it, she focused on the feel of the woman’s body beside her.

-       Because it felt right to have her next to her.

-       Because it felt right to hear her muted laughter, or how she sometimes slurped her tea near the end of the cup or just to hear the breath go in and out of her.

-       … and because she knew all those things were beginning to fade.

-       Although she had not succumbed to any of the viruses that had been around during the winter season, she grew more lethargic, her once healthy body slowly diminishing in size and strength; the beat of her heart strained under the hand she pressed against her sleeping girlfriend’s chest at night to make sure she was still with her.

-       She had done that every night since they received the diagnosis. Every night.

-       But she held it together, she had to. She had to do it for MC, to show her that she didn’t have to worry about anything besides getting better. It didn’t matter if she was being torn apart inside, or if she was falling behind in her work at the shop, that she never slept anymore or wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and pretend this was just one long nightmare. It was for MC. She had to keep it together for MC.

-       She had gotten worse. There was… it had spread too much… too aggressive… too fast. It was all too much and again, MC accepted it all, no words to say.

-       That was when Jaehee decided upon the only correct plan moving forward.

-       She spoke to Jumin. He had agreed to buy the shop from her on the proviso that when MC was better that she buy it back from him and continue on as per normal.

-       That night, at home with a tub of ice cream, sitting alone on the floor of her living room did she allow herself a moment of weakness. From one tear free-falling from her eye to another, she allowed them to pool into the melting confection resting between her thighs. She had tried her best to stem the flow, reminding herself of the responsibilities she had and not to wallow but now that she allowed the dam of emotions open there was no stopping it. Jaehee bit down on her bottom lip and muffled cries eked through her teeth, racking breaths rattling through her chest as she dug the heels of her palms into her eyes- praying for her treacherous eyes to stop, just stop. Please.

-       … Someone.

-       Please make this all stop.

-       Jaehee had fallen asleep slumped over the coffee table, eyes sore and face puffy from crying and one hand sticky from having been submerged in thawed ice cream for half the night.

-       That was how MC found her, comforter wrapped around her like an adorable sleepy handroll. “Baby, did you sleep here all night? Is everything alright?” she asked her, the concern plain on her face. Jaehee fought with herself to not let her thoughts transfer to her expression, of course nothing was alright, it hadn’t been alright for a long time. However Jaehee was a fighter and so was MC, she would not admit defeat just yet.

“Oh yes, just a harder day at work than normal yesterday,” she lied as she slowly moved her way to stand up. MC grimaced at Jaehee’s sluggish and pained movements. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to come in yesterday and if that made you worry more. I’m much better today, I can go in-”

“That won’t be necessary we’re both staying home,” she replied matter-of-factly, side stepping around MC as she made her way to the kitchen to clean herself up. She heard the soft shuffles of MC’s feet patter behind her as well as a sound of confusion bubble within her throat. “Huh? What? No it’s fine, let me just clean up and we can go-” “We’re not. I sold the cafe.”

-       MC nearly fell down at the revelation. “You what?” she asked, sleep hoarse voice breaking as she leaned against the wall for support, not trusting her knees to keep her standing. Jaehee wiped her hands on a nearby dish towel and sighed, not really in the mood to discuss anything without having caffeine in her body. “I sold the shop to Jumin. This way I can stay home with you and we can go to the all the doctors’ appointments together and try to figure this thing out step by step.” Jaehee flicked on the kettle and began preparing two cups, far too tired to brew anything so she reached for the instant coffee.   “Jaehee-”

“Mm?”

“Stop.” “You don’t want coffee? Prefer tea?” “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” “I don’t understand-” “You need to get the cafe back from Jumin,” MC replied with more life in her voice than she had had for the last couple of weeks. Jaehee put down the teaspoon and braced herself against the countertop, head pressed against the cabinets lined along the wall. “You can’t stop living just because-” “Because you’re dying?” she yelled, not able to tear her eyes away from the spot on the wall. “I can’t change anything because you’ve resigned yourself to this without even a word for me? For yourself? How can you act like any of this isn’t driving you insane?! How can you stand there and just ask me to not do everything I can-”

-       MC stepped forward and opened her arms, encompassing Jaehee into her quilt covered embrace, her arms holding her as tightly as she was able. “I know… I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have the words. That I have nothing to say about what is happening to me. I’m sorry that I left you to speak and ask and do everything for me and also expect you to think of yourself,” she pulled away to see Jaehee’s with misty eyes and cheeks splattered with red. Delicately placing a hand against her cheek, MC pressed a faint kiss to the tip of her nose and breathed in time with her. “I know you’re busy looking out for me… let me… while I still can… let me look out for you.”

-       The shop was back in Jaehee’s name within the day.

-       As difficult as it was, MC managed to make it into work with Jaehee. Even as the days passed and she grew weaker, she still mustered the strength to smile at everyone who would stop and talk to her. She would ask for the gossip from regulars who she had learned so much about over the years. Jaehee would take frequent breaks to check up on her and to ask if she needed anything. MC would always just smile and ask for a new book from the stack their staff would always add to. Her heart full whenever their employees would come up at the start of the day and drop off another non-descript book for her to read or doodle over.

-       Some days were good, some days were… not good.

-       More and more often Jaehee would look over from serving a customer and MC was fast asleep, clutching a book to her like a child with their teddy.

-       Every passing day it took so much more out of her to get to her chair, to drink her coffee, to turn a page… to smile. To hide her pain. There were days she was so heavily medicated that Jaehee had begged for her to go back home or ‘for God’s sake please let me take you to the hospital!’

-       MC would always snap out of it enough to shake her head and reply, “Sorry Jaehee, I’m up to a really good part of the story. I need to finish it.”

-       Then one day she didn’t.

-       She had closed up shop, luckily it was a quiet day so she made the executive decision to finish up early. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll be just a minute.” She was wiping down the last table just beside MC and looked over with a tired smile on her face, to see MC sleeping soundly- with her latest book on the ground. Jaehee could feel her heart leap up in the base of her throat, her breath stolen away in an instant. Slowly but steadily she walked over to MC, deliberately clicking her heels loudly against the floor to wake her. When she reached her chair she let her hand hover over her face to see if she could feel her warm breath against her palm. She pressed her cheek. Shook at her- her body completely limp as it sank against the armrest.

-       Jaehee plummeted to her knees and dove into MC’s lap, the woman screaming into it as she allowed herself to cry, praying that her girlfriend would come back and lay her hands atop her head and run her fingers through her hair.  To touch her, hold her, god damn it just- anything. Wiping her face against the blanket that rested upon MC’s legs, Jaehee hiccoughed and spluttered, not caring if any passer-by happened to see her on the floor in tears. She swiped at her face haphazardly, knowing that her skin would be red and irritated from her lack of care. Fighting to regain her breath that continued to elude her, lungs burning, eyes stinging, heart cold.

-       On her hands and knees she moved to pick up the fallen book from the ground, eyes scanning for a title to see what were the last words that may have graced her consciousness.

“… I’m sorry I’ve left it to these pages Jaehee, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to say the words when you needed them. I may not have them still... but maybe you can find them now- somewhere in these last few diaries I have written for you. My thoughts. My fears. My dreams. My love for you.. Every hope. Every wish, It’s all here and all for you. The greatest part of my story. I love you.”

-       Jaehee squeezed her eyes shut and wailed, her cries filling the largely empty space, echoing back to her. Sitting back onto her haunches she tried to steady herself as best as she could, clutching the book to her chest like she had seen MC do countless of times. Perhaps if she held it hard enough, it would start to resemble the way it felt to hold her- and if she pushed the realms of her imagination- the way it felt to be held.

-       Jaehee couldn’t bring herself to read any of the 4 diaries MC had written. She couldn’t. She knew that MC meant them to be comforting, maybe even assist her in moving on- but she didn’t want to comforted, she didn’t want to move on. She had cordoned off MC’s chair and table, with a permanent ‘reserved’ sign to ensure no one would be able to sit where only she belonged. There, perched upon the table in a neat pile, were the books; gathering dust in between the weekly dusting that one of the staff members were tasked to do.

-       That was until half a year later, when one of the regular’s children had slipped under the velvet rope and sat in the chair, the young girl picking up on of MC’s books and tried to read her beautiful, looping script.  Jaehee had briefly looked up and had to double take, not even realising she had screamed out; scaring the child who shoved the book back into the pile of books frantically trying her best to not earn more of the “coffee-lady’s” ire. Her panicked efforts resulted in all the books falling to the ground- the loud thuds only punctuating the already silenced café.

The mother apologised to Jaehee feverishly, she had been speaking to her friend and didn’t realise that her daughter had wandered off- didn’t know the girl had gone to the place she had once spent so much time with MC just months before.

-       Jaehee pinched the sides of her nose and waved off the apology, bending down to apologise for frightening the little girl who had helped to bring joy to her girlfriend’s last months. Even though her nerves were frazzled, she knew that MC would be clucking her tongue disapprovingly at her, something that oddly enough made her smile. She had been doing that more often lately. Smiling at something MC had said or done instead of collapsing into a despairing heap.

-       Jaehee ran her hands along the arm of the chair and whispered her hellos and her apologies for letting someone disturb her spot before picking up the books off the ground. She went to reach for the last book which dropped open to a random page, the paper slightly crinkled from the fall. She could feel the tell-tale pin pricks in her nose and the corners of her eyes as her fingers cradled the back of its spine, balancing precariously on the curve of her fingers.

-       There on the top of the page was the recipe for her famous cinnamon rolls, something Jaehee had tried her best to replicate again and again when her lover was alive to no avail. No one made them better than MC. Jaehee sniffed as she found herself sitting into the long abandoned chair as she tearfully read the secrets MC had left for her on the page. The brunette paused to see a small note in the corner: “The reason mine were better was because I always made them for you. Now please, keep making them for me.”

-       Jaehee wiped the last remnants of her tears from her face and then nodded to herself. Moving to the kitchens she washed her hands and wrapped MC’s apron around her waist. Taking in a deep breath, she pushed up her sleeves and got to work.

[darylandbethfanforever9]

Downfall Of Us All: Chapter 3

Downfall Of Us All

Chapter 3

Warnings: Medical examination, mention of past sexual assault and PTSD. Past torture, and abuse.

AN: Special thanks to @jtargaryen18​, who helped me write this story and the sequel as well. She deserves the credit for helping make this story dark in certain chapters. 

Sophie sat silently in the back of the armoured van with Raymond, Bonnie, Reg, Clyde and Jack in the pet carriers. She noticed the dark-haired woman was staring at her intently, when she spoke.

"I saw your sister in Sokovia, Novi Grad." Wanda said carefully, Sophie frowned at hearing this information. She knew Grace had travelled around Eastern Europe, but she hadn't said anything about going to Sokovia. "I didn't know Gracie went there, she never told me," Sophie admitted quietly, and looked at Bucky wearily. "Where are we going?" She asked wearily, but Bucky could hear the anxiousness in her voice. She was scared, and he couldn't blame her. "We're taking you and your sister to the Avengers Compound, they'll wanna do tests on you and make you sign the Sokovian Accords." Bucky explained grimly, looking at his Vibranium metal arm that had gold on it. Sophie swallowed. "What will happen to our shop? That's our livelihood, we can't lose our customers." She asked worriedly, her mother had built this business from nothing and now they could possibly lose it. "Tony will tell you, but you won't lose the business. It won't come to that, I swear." Bucky said reassuringly, trying to comfort her.

That surprised Sophie. As intimidating as the Winter Soldier was, especially with that arm, his kindness surprised her. She hoped he was right and their shop wouldn't be lost. "Thank you, sir," Sophie told him, trying to blink back tears. "Bucky," he told her, his blue eyes meeting hers. Sophie nodded. He really was handsome with incredible blue eyes. In that moment, it was hard to believe he was the same one who'd lunged at her baby sister back in the apartment. "Grace, she's my baby sister," she said quietly. "Is she okay back there?" Bucky nodded. "Clint's a good guy. She's going to be okay." "Why in the hell is he here?" Wanda demanded. "He just lost his children, he almost died. Why does Ross have him out here with us?" "I don't know, doll." Bucky shook his head. "I was thinking the same thing. But Clint's a tough bastard. He'll make it through this." "What?" Sophie looked back and forth between the both of them. "The guy that's back there with Grace lost his children?" Wanda nodded, her eyes misty. "They were small. They disappeared in the…" She didn't have to explain that to Sophie. They'd lost their neighbours on both sides to whatever the hell had happened. They'd come back. "I'm so sorry," Sophie whispered. "There's nothing worse than losing a child…" Afraid she'd said too much, she cast her gaze at her feet. "You've… lost a child?" Bucky asked surprised, Ross hadn’t mentioned it in the briefing about the sisters. Sophie shook her head. "No, not me." Wanda and Bucky exchanged a glance at that. "So, you knew Peter?" Wanda asked, her tone careful but friendly. Sophie nodded. "When our mother was still alive, we lived in the same apartment complex. He's… really great. It scares me a little that he's doing what you do." "We look after him," Wanda assured her. Bucky chuckled. "Not like he needs it. The kid's tough." "So, you can do what Peter does?" Wanda asked intrigued. Sophie thought about not answering that, but for some reason, she didn't get any bad vibes from her. From Bucky either.

"We've been able to do it since birth, when we were toddlers we'd cling to walls or jump up on the counter. Our parents were very protective of us, they didn't really let us hang out much with people." Sophie admitted shyly, tucking a strand of dark blonde hair behind her left ear. Her parents had been very respected in the Brooklyn Jewish community, they kept to themselves but were willing to help their fellow neighbours. Wanda and Bucky exchanged a look with each other silently, it was clear that Sophie had no idea about her parents dark past. "We're here." Bucky said quietly, the van stopped, and the door was opened for them. Wanda got out, followed by Sophie and Bucky as Ross observed them. "Take Miss Melnychenko Drăgoi into one of the examination rooms, while Barton brings in the sister," Ross said coldly, and left as two nurses took Sophie to the medical wing. Bucky watched her go silently, when Peter approached looking angry and upset. "Where are they taking Sophie?" He asked angrily, upset that his two friends were being treated like criminals. "Ross wants her to be examined, and undergo tests." Bucky explained quietly, not liking this reason any more than Peter did. Something was going on, and it wasn't good.

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Clint helped Grace out of the van and frowned at some of the soldiers who treated her harshly. They entered the compound, and Grace looked anxious. "Where's my sister? Is she ok?" Grace asked anxiously, Clint tried to reassure her as they waited. "Sophie's fine, they're just running some tests on her." Clint said reassuringly, Grace nodded reluctantly when Dr Jemma Simmons approached them. "Miss Melnychenko Drăgoi, please come with me. I'm going to examine you, and just run some tests." Jemma said carefully, Grace nodded hesitantly, and followed the woman. Clint watched her go in silence, when Bucky came over and touched his left shoulder. He looked up, and Bucky sighed. "Ross wants us in the conference room."

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Grace had changed into a hospital gown, and felt uncomfortable, it was bringing back painful memories for her. How she'd once worn a hospital gown, and been forced on a bed. She suddenly felt sick and took in a deep breath before laying down on the hospital bed. Dr Jemma Simmons gave her a smile, and she tried to relax. "I'm just going to do a pelvic exam. Is that alright?" She asked gently, Grace nodded hesitantly and put her feet in the stirrups as a nurse came in. They'd know what had happened to her. Tears burned her eyes, and she tried to blink them away but couldn't. Even after three years, she couldn't forget what had happened to her.

Jemma smiled as she put on a small pair of latex gloves, looking over Grace's charts. "Looks like they got all of your vitals," Jemma said. "Everything looks good." Grace nodded, trying not to fall apart on the table. "Are you okay?" the other woman asked. "Y-yes, Dr. Simmons," Grace didn't sound as brave as she had wanted to. "Please, call me Jemma," the doctor said carefully. Her face and eyes were kind. "I'm really sorry about all of this. I know how you must feel and I know you must be scared. For my part, I want to help you if I can. Okay?" Grace nodded, struggling. Jemma pressed on Grace's abdomen gently, checking the position of the ovaries, the womb. The doctor picked up the speculum and approached her carefully. "I'm going to do just a routine pap smear, okay?" Jemma asked. At Grace's nod, she got started. "There might be a little discomfort. I apologize." Grace didn't say anything while the doctor finished getting what she needed, removed the metal, and prepped the slide. "Almost done," Jemma told her, internally checking the position of the womb with her index finger. Then the woman frowned. "You've had a child?" There it was. Tears escaped her eyes, hot and stream over her temples into her hair. Grace couldn't breathe, somehow managed to nod. Jemma peeled off the gloves, approaching Grace's side gently. "Can you tell me about it?" "Why?" Grace's anguish was evident in her voice. "I'm supposed to tell you it's procedure," Jemma explained, "and that all of the Avengers go through a complete physical examination. It's true. But I know this must seem like a horrible invasion of privacy to you. I'm so sorry." Grace squeezed the hand that was offered to her in kindness. "I had a son," Grace whispered. "His name was Zach." The doctor's eyes were shiny, like she knew the story that was coming wasn't going to have a happy outcome. "What happened?" Jemma asked gently.

"It happened when the Sokovian Accords were approved, my son Zach....he inherited my abilities and somehow SHIELD found out. A team came, and they took him away, I can still hear him crying." Grace whispered brokenly, and tears slid down her cheeks. Jenna felt her own eyes sting with unshed tears, this young woman had lost her son because of SHIELD. What on earth had happened to Grace's son, after he'd been taken. "Do you know where they took him?" Jemma asked quietly, compassion in her voice and Grace wiped her eyes with a tissue. She was trying to calm down, but the emotions were still raw. "No, I looked everywhere but I never found him. I have hope that he's out there still, but I don't know where he is or if he's even here," Grace admitted quietly, and swallowed. "Do you know who the father is?" Jemma asked finally, knowing that this had to be difficult for Grace to talk about. Before Grace could speak, Natasha was at the door and she looked angry, but it wasn't directed at her. "Dr Simmons, Agent Bobbi Morse wishes to speak to us." She informed quietly and looked at Grace who looked like she'd been crying. "I'll be right back, Grace." Jemma said comfortingly, Grace nodded and wrapped her arms around her stomach tightly.

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"What the hell does SHIELD want?" Clint asked wearily, he didn't have any fondness for SHIELD at the minute. Since Coulson was revealed to be alive, he was furious that Fury and Director Maria Hill had kept the team in the dark about Coulson. "We've been ordered by the SHIELD Deputy Director Gonzalez, to interview Grace Melnychenko Drăgoi. She is considered a threat by Homeland Security, and is required to be placed in custody," Bobbi said coldly, her voice unemotional and detached. Clint couldn't believe that he'd married her once, it had been a big mistake and it hadn't ended well. "You can interview her, but she's staying here. She hasn't done anything wrong, and neither has her sister." Clint said angrily, and Bobbi glared at him when Bruce spoke up. "When we were examining Grace, we found scars on her body, and Jenna did a pelvic exam." Bruce said quietly, as he guided them to a room. Clint looked at the photos, and saw faded scars on Grace's chest, shoulders and neck. There were a few scars on her back, as well. "Where did she get these scars?" Wanda asked shocked, and Jemma swallowed slightly before speaking. "We don't know, but when I examined her there were signs that she'd given birth at least two years ago. She had a son." Jemma said quietly, causing the room to go quiet. "None of Grace's files mention her having a child, or going to a hospital." Hope said confused, and Tony sighed quietly before he and Scott exchanged a grim look. "That's because someone wiped her medical files clean, there's nothing there except Grace's birth records. Someone didn't want any of us to find out Grace had a child," Natasha said grimly, looking at Clint who looked deep in thought. Grace had a son, she had a son. "Did she say who the father was, Dr Simmons?" Bobbi asked impatiently, Jemma frowned at her. "She was too upset, and I didn't ask." Jemma said coolly, she left to go check on her patient. "That explains what Sophie said earlier in the van, she said it was horrible losing a child." Bucky said sympathy in his voice, and Ross glared at him. "Romanoff, Morse, question her and find out who the father was. For all we know, he could be an Inhuman, a Mutant or Enhanced." The Home Secretary ordered sharply.

Clint watched the bastard walk off, lowered his voice. "These scars," he said to Jemma, pointing to a couple of them. "She was tortured." Jemma nodded. "Seems likely." Natasha and Clint exchanged a glance. He knew Nat could handle Bobbi and she'd be careful with Grace in getting the rest of the story.

Nat tapped Bobbi on the shoulder, nonchalantly telling her they had to go. To someone who didn't know Nat well, she would seem perfectly calm. Clint knew better. Nat would get the rest of Grace's story. Something told him he didn't want to know it. Nat felt it too.

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Grace had dressed, there was still no sign of Sophie, and they'd led her to a small conference room. It was cold, and she was alone, just wishing she could curl in on herself and be anywhere else. When the door opened, two women walked in. One wore a grey pantsuit with a violet dress shirt. Her dark blonde hair framed her face in loose waves. The other woman was dressed casually in jeans with a t-shirt and hoodie. Her hair was blonde and bobbed off at her jaw line. Grace looked closer, realizing this woman she'd seen on TV. Her hair had been red. Ah, that one was the Black Widow. Unlike the woman in the suit, who regarded her coolly, the famous spy's eyes were kind. It was easier to look at her. "Grace, we're here to talk to you," the woman in the suit said. "I'm Agent Bobbi Morse. This is Agent Natasha Romanoff." Grace nodded. "And then we'll be done?" Natasha smiled gently. "Then we'll be done." Bobbi shot the other agent a look before clearing her throat and turning her attention back to Grace. "You're being held because you're considered a threat by the office of Homeland Security," Bobbi started. "The faster you tell us what we need to know, the faster we can get you processed. Okay?" "Processed?" Grace asked. "By that do you mean my sister and I can back to our lives? We're not trying to pose a threat to anyone. We own a cake shop. We make cakes for people's weddings and birthday parties. That's all." "Your parents were agents for a foreign faction," Bobbi told her tersely. "So, we're being punished for that?" Grace fought to keep her voice calm and even but was failing horribly. "No, you're being held for what you've done," Bobbi shot back. Grace hated that she was trembling, hated thinking back to those days when she'd fought each day just to survive. Would either of these women even begin to understand the darkness she'd been immersed in? What she had to do to survive? How could they?

"What have I exactly done? Please tell me." Grace said resentfully, angry that she was being held for something that she most likely hadn't done. "Consorting with a known terrorist, by the name Brock Rumlow who was a former S.H.I.E.L.D agent. You met him in Sokovia, on the 14th of July." Bobbi explained coldly, showing Grace a photo of the man who had raped, beaten and tortured her. Natasha saw Grace's face pale at the sight of the photo, and her hands were shaking slightly. So, Rumlow had been the man who had tortured and possibly raped her. "I didn't meet him by choice, I was in Sokovia doing relief work with the Red Cross. I wasn't doing anything illegal, I was just trying to help people." Grace said defensively, trying to keep her emotions under control. She could feel his hands on her skin, what he had done to her all those years ago with those two other men. She shivered inadvertently and tried to keep calm. "But why Sokovia? Surely you knew that there was a civil war going on in the country?" Bobbi pressed firmly, refusing to give the young woman a break. "Because I wanted to help people, I didn't have an ulterior motive. I was travelling around Eastern Europe and to Israel, to research my family tree," Grace said calmly, trying to keep her temper under control. "Did you know that you were conceived out of rape, as was your older sister?" Bobbi asked bluntly, causing Grace to freeze in shock a time the woman's words. Her mother was raped by her father? "That can't be true, it can't be. My parents were married in 1985, the 5th of November in Ukraine, Odessa. You've got it wrong." She insisted firmly, knowing her father wasn't a rapist. Adam Drăgoi had been a very quiet man, but had doted on his wife and two daughters. Grace would always remember how he'd always hug her or reassure her when things were rough. Natasha frowned at Grace's words, the young woman was adamant that her parents had genuinely loved each other. Maybe Adam Drăgoi had genuinely loved Anya Melnychenko, in a twisted way. "I'm afraid not, you and your sister were born into a program known as the Spider Widow Program. You and your sister were both genetically experimented on while in utero." Natasha explained quietly, causing Grace to look horrified. "But, have you ever met this man before?" Bobbi interrupted harshly, giving Natasha a warning look before looking at Grace who looked at the photo of Rumlow. "I've seen him on the news, he was the one who blew himself up in Lagos." Grace said wearily, trying not give anything away. "Were you in a romantic relationship with Rumlow?" Bobbi asked sharply, studying Grace intently for any weaknesses and Grace flinched as if she'd been slapped. "No! God no." She said horrified, and Natasha intervened at that minute, seeing Grace looked close to crying. "Grace, who was the father of your son?" Natasha asked gently, Grace felt tears slide down her cheeks and she felt defeated. There was no way out. "I was raped in Sokovia, I was coming back from the clinic when a young man came over. He told me that his twin sister was in labour, and she needed help, I went to help but he knocked me out," She said numbly, staring at the wall ahead. "What happened next?" Natasha asked gently, she knew this had to be very traumatic for Grace to relive and Bobbi wasn't helping things either. "I woke up in a room, and there was a man there. He told me that he'd been watching me, and....he called me Widow." Grace said quietly, she pulled at her hair band that was on her right wrist. Natasha reached over the table and took her hand, Grace was trembling as she spoke the next words. "They did tests on me every day, and..... that’s when he came into the bedroom that was mine. He was taunting me, I tried to get to the door, but he grabbed me by the hair and started kissing me. I bit down on his lip." Grace said distantly, her mind involuntarily wandering back to the memory.

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Sokovia, Novi Grad 15th of July 2015 Grace didn't know how long she'd been here in this place, she'd been taken every morning to a room that was like a laboratory but didn't see anyone else. Dr List had taken blood from her every day she'd been on her period, and now she was stuck in this room, her bedroom. She'd tried to keep her mind busy, by reading books. Her powers weren't working either, she sometimes found herself hang upside down on the ceiling or cocooned in a web.

The door opened, and she saw a man with short dark brown hair, and hard, cruel brown eyes. He had terrible burns on his forearms, and one on his neck. "Who are you?" Grace asked wearily, trying to smooth down her dress as she eyed the man suspiciously. "Call me Brock, blondie. Strucker sent me, to babysit his pet project," Brock said coldly, and he leered at her. She could sense his emotions and grasped the glass vase. She threw it at him.

He dodged it easily, laughing. His dark eyes gleamed as his gaze slid over her body, his intention was clear. His emotions were heavy with dark intent. He liked her fear. Grace's heart thundered in her chest. No. No. Why was this happening to her? Grace had always been able to move quickly. She lunged in one direction, then darted the opposite way, trying to around him and she did throw him off balance. But he was so tall, so big with heavy muscles. She knew if he got his hands on her, she wouldn't be able to throw him off. His laugh made her begin to feel sick. "If this is how you want it," he said. "It works for me. I want you to fight. Makes it more fun. A lot more fun." Grace kept scrambling around him, trying the door and then darting away when it wouldn't open, and he almost grabbed her. "Why?" It came out more as an anguished cry. "Why are you doing this?" "Because I can," he said simply, trying now to lunge at her, done with this part of the game in his mind. "Because they want me to." "What?" Grace yelled back. When she darted for the door this time, she frantically jerked the doorknob, pleading with it, for anything to let her open the door, to run away from here. Hot tears were streaming down her face as she darted away again, only this time not fast enough. Pain bloomed in her scalp when he grabbed a handful of her hair, jerking her back by it until she was pressed against him. His other arm clamped around her to hold her in place for him. Grace shivered in revulsion as he ran his nose down the line of neck and back up again to lick the shell of her ear. "We're going to have some fun, Blondie," he whispered roughly into her ear. "While you're welcome to keep fighting me, because I do like it, you might find if you just let it happen, you'll like it." He'd dragged her to the bed at that point and at that moment, the nightmare she'd been trapped in became a thousand times worse.

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Tag list: @kitkatd7​, @jtargaryen18​, @marvelfansworld​, @sherrybaby14​, and @sapphirescrolls​

[tisfan]

Why do you have to go (and make things so complicated), 2

Title:  Why Do You Have to Go (And Make things So Complicated) (Chapter 2) Collaborators: @27dragons and @tisfan AO3 Link Square Filled: B2 - Trope: Playboy Tony Stark Ship: WinterIronWidow Rating: T Major Tags: polyamory, relationship discussion, Bucky is an idiot, do not get on Pepper Potts’ bad side, paparazzi, bad press  Summary: picks up a few weeks after chapter one with the relationship being outed... in the worst way possible Word Count: 3454 Created for @mcukinkbingo

They were Avengers, so having a routine wasn’t anything like stable, but excepting in cases of world-ending villainy, Natasha slept in on Wednesdays, and her roomate-lover -- as opposed to her other lover who had not yet moved in with them, or invited them to change their living situation at all -- went for a run with his best friend.

Running, Bucky firmly maintained, was a sport usually reserved for being chased or shot at, but he did it anyway, because Steve liked to, and because Bucky found it slightly less tedious than watching baseball games, or watching Steve draw things, which were the other things Steve liked to do. So, they went for a marathon every Wednesday, had a huge brunch somewhere, and came home, letting Natasha sleep in well past ten. Decadent.

And since Tony was never awake before noon unless Pepper was poking him with a cattle prod, Natasha got to lounge around in bed, take a long, lazy shower, and generally enjoy the advantages of living in a civilized city.

Which is why it was so disruptive when Bucky came in, still sweaty from his run, holding something tucked under his arm. At seven fifteen.

Natasha looked at him through one eye, still sleep-blurred, and then rolled over and pulled the covers over her head. Delivery Not Accepted.

(more below the cut)

“We got a problem, toots,” Bucky said, flopping on the bed next to her and bouncing her on the mattress. Probably on purpose, because it was Bucky and he liked living dangerously.

“The only problem here is that you are waking me up. On Wednesday.” Natasha peered out of her cocoon of warm blankets to glare at Bucky. “Why are you not chasing Steve around Long Island?”

Bucky waved the newspaper, because that’s what it was, at her. “Because we happened to run past Stop the Presses! first and I saw this. I thought… you might want to do damage control.”

Natasha growled, but Bucky didn’t take the hint and go away. She wormed one arm free of the blankets and snatched the newspaper from him so she could look at it.

Playboy Tony Stark playing Russian Roulette? teased the headline. Below that -- but well above the fold -- were a pair of pictures. On the left, Tony with his arm around Natasha’s waist, offering her a flower with the other. It was a cute picture, for a pap-shot. They’d had a nice afternoon together.

On the right side of the page, Bucky was crowding Tony against a wall, clearly leaning in for a kiss that Tony looked all too pleased to give. Unfortunately, despite the slightly grainy quality of the picture, both their faces were clearly visible.

“They haven’t hauled out the playboy moniker in a couple of years,” Natasha said, suddenly chilled despite the layers of blanket.

Bucky snorted. “I’m not Russian, either,” he pointed out. “But they’re not entirely wrong. It’s not too much of a stretch to suppose we’d be angry. If he was cheating. On one of us with the other.”

She’d managed to keep her and Bucky’s relationship out of the papers -- especially given the circumstances when they’d first met and become lovers -- but that was only because no one cared as much what she was up to. Or they were afraid she’d stab them if they talked about it. (Not untrue.) And Bucky’s murder-face tended to dissuade paps from following him around.

Tony, on the other hand, was a pap’s wet dream. They’d been foolish not to take that into account before now. “Tell me he’s not up yet,” Natasha demanded. “Or still.”

“Still,” Bucky said. “But he’s in the workshop, so he hasn’t, you know, seen sunlight. Probably in a few days now.”

Natasha struggled free of the blankets and sat up, pushing her hair out of her face as she contemplated the tabloid headline again. “If he sees this, he’s going to guilt-spiral on us again.” The first few weeks they’d all been dating, Tony had gone through at least six separate panic attacks before they’d managed to convince him that yes, they really wanted him, and no, he wasn’t too old, and yes, he was allowed to enjoy this, and no, they did not think they’d be happier if he let them go back to being a couple. “I’m not doing that again.”

“I’m not sure he wouldn’t find it funny, if we were to pretend to fight over him,” Bucky said, tapping the paper where it opined that Bucky was more likely to shoot Tony than any other outcome. “But everyone else seems to think we will be the ones breaking his neck.”

“It’s a fair assumption,” Natasha said. “If you cheated on me, I’d definitely strangle you.”

“It’s not cheating,” Bucky said, his eyes going a little wide. “I mean, do you think Tony is going to feel that way? That… we kinda are cheating. The system. Which is set up stupidly, so people can’t have what they want. We’re not hurting anyone, why do they even care?” Bucky flopped forcibly back on the bed and hid his face with a pillow. The fluffy thing did a little bit to muffle his frustrated scream, but really, too loud for no coffee yet.

“Stop that,” Natasha snapped. “We do not have time to panic and rail against the archaic and obsolete societal insistence on pair-bonding. We need to make sure no one else has brought this paper home, and keep Tony from checking his news feed for the rest of the day. At least.” She reached for her phone.

“There’s always time for panic,” Bucky insisted from under the pillow. “Steve thinks the photos are doctored. He thought I was mad because of some fake pictures.”

Natasha paused, her finger hovering over the phone screen. “What did you tell him?” They hadn’t come out to their teammates as a trio, yet, largely because Tony still seemed a little nervous about the whole thing.

“I didn’t tell him anything,” Bucky said. He pulled the pillow off his face and gave Natasha his I could kill you with my pinkie and a paperclip look. “I made that face until he stopped asking questions. Tony hasn’t said it’s okay to tell anyone yet.”

“Okay.” Natasha pulled up her contacts list. “You go sweep the common areas and make sure no one else has brought this thing home, as a joke, or something. I’m... going to call Pepper.”

Bucky gave her a disbelieving look. “You brave soul.” He didn’t dispute her decision, though, raking his fingers through disheveled hair until he looked mostly civilized, and fleeing the room before she could change her mind.

Natasha’s finger hovered over the Call button for a moment. If Pepper had seen this -- and there was little hope that she hadn’t -- then she was going to be pissed.

But Natasha had to get to Pepper before Pepper got to Tony. Resolve firmed, she pushed the button.

“I assume,” Pepper’s voice came crisply out of the phone, “that you are calling to grovel, because if I had the ability to fire you, rest assured, my advice would be to polish your resume.”

“Pepper, I can explain. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“It could not possibly be as bad as it looks!” Pepper practically shrieked. “And while reckless and foolhardy are both words I usually use to describe Tony, he’s not so criminally negligent of other people’s hearts. His own reputation, he could care less, but he’d gone through a lot of work to keep you and Barnes, and the other team members from being smeared by the press. Even when, I might add, some of you desperately deserved it.”

“I know,” Natasha tried, placating, “I know, he’s been so incredibly generous with us, and he’s a good man. He wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt someone, not like that. And I promise there’s a good explanation for those pictures.”

“I’m breathless with anticipation,” Pepper said.

Natasha winced. “The thing is,” she said carefully, “I can’t... tell you what it is.”

“I really don’t think I can take the stress,” Pepper said in that matter of fact voice that always worried everyone. Especially since Natasha was pretty sure she meant that. That one day, all of Pepper’s hair was going to turn white and she was going to fall over on the spot. “Is it classified? Don’t tell me it’s classified, Romanoff, don’t you dare say that.”

“It’s not classified,” Natasha said. “It’s just, I don’t... I don’t have Tony’s permission to tell you. And it would be a dick move of monumental proportions to jump that gun. Stark Tower sized dick.”

“I wish everyone would remember that I designed Stark Tower,” Pepper said in a huff and then hung up the phone.

“Well. That could have gone... worse.”

Natasha got in the shower, an excuse to not deal with the issue at the present moment. And sometimes she did her best thinking in the shower.

She was out, wrapped the brilliant red towel around herself, twisted her hair up into a dripping knot at the back of her neck when the door crashed open again.

“Do you think we will need some of our teammates? I can make it look like an accident,” Bucky promised.

Natasha considered it thoughtfully. “We could probably make do without some of them. Why? What have they been doing?”

There was a thud in the living room, followed by a slither of what sounded like a whole stack of papers. “Clint. And Sam. And Thor. Exist.”

“Thor would be difficult to replace,” Natasha observed. She walked out into the living room and then stopped, arrested by the number of gossip rags on the ground by Bucky’s feet. “Did they buy out the nearest three newsstands?”

“I think that’s where Thor came into it,” Bucky said, kicking one of the papers extra hard. It hit the wall with enough force to vibrate the picture frame hanging on it. “Clint doesn’t have money, even when he has money, he doesn’t have money.”

The paper slid down the wall and landed with the offending article face-down. Which really didn’t help, since Tony was staring up at her from at least forty copies of the damn paper.

“Well... at least Tony won’t spot it if he goes across the street for coffee?” Natasha tried. “What are we going to do with all of these?” She bent to recover the nearest one. “There’s no way we can stuff them all in the garbage chute.”

Bucky watched her, eyes gleaming as the towel slipped. “We have a very nice grill on our balcony,” he suggested. “As Sam says; some men just like to watch the word burn.”

Natasha suppressed a smile. “I don’t think that’s how the saying goes. Besides--”

Knock knock knock.

Well, it wasn’t Clint. Clint didn’t bother knocking. “You answer it,” she told Bucky, backing toward the bathroom door. “I’m not decent.”

“You’re never decent,” Bucky said, smacking her thigh on his way to the door. “You just--” The door opened half an inch, not enough to give anyone a look and then-- “Shit! Tony!”

And Bucky slammed the door, turned the knob and leaned on the door.

“Fuck!”

Natasha stared at him, wide-eyed in surprise. “Tony?”

“Uh, he, yes, but--”

“But he’s never come to us before! He always waits for us to go to him!” That was a good sign, if Tony was coming to them, right? It meant he was beginning to trust them. It meant he was opening up, relaxing, letting himself believe in this relationship... “You just slammed the door in his face.”

Bucky made a sweeping gesture at the floor. “This does not look good, Tasha!”

“Okay, I know, but... All right. You... do something with these!” She dashed past Bucky to the door, opened it a sliver, and squeezed out into the hall, closing the door behind her. “Tony?”

Tony had stepped back at the door and was staring at it in something like confusion. Of course, as soon as he saw Natasha’s lack of attire, his eyes were drawn elsewhere. “Oh, uh. Hi. I was just-- But it looks like you’re busy.”

From the other side of the door, Bucky yelled, “I am an idiot. Don’t hold it against Nat.”

Natasha nodded. “He is an idiot. But we’re glad to see you!” She reached out to catch Tony’s hand and pull him closer. “It’s a nice surprise. I thought you’d be in the workshop all day.”

“Well, I was, but then I thought, you know, I haven’t seen you guys for a while, so I thought I’d just kind of... check in? Maybe make out a little, you know. But if you’re, you know, busy...”

“I like this idea,” Bucky yelled again. “Happy to be a part of it… just-- give us a minute!”

Natasha leaned against the door, partly so she could better afix the towel (Tony seeing her mostly naked was one thing, Thor wandering by at the wrong time was something else entirely) and so that Tony couldn’t go around her. “What are you working on in the shop?”

Rarely was that a question ever ignored; Tony could talk for hours about his work in the shop to any and everyone who wanted to listen. A masterful strategy, if one’s purpose was distracting Tony from pretty much anything.

“Oh, lots of things.” He perked up a bit. “I had this idea for a new mesh weave for our body armor, so we’re hashing out the cross-section on that. And Thor fried another communicator, so I’m working on insulating that a bit better. Oh! And there’s this new...” He trailed off, frowning at the door. “Is that... paper?” He raised his voice. “Bucky, I thought we cured you of Steve’s old-man obsession with physical newspapers!”

“Yes, yes, you’re absolutely right--” more crunching sounds, crumpling noises. Natasha was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be able to burn it without setting off the fire alarm, and there was not really a good place in the apartment to stuff it, unless he put it in a closet--

There was the faintest chime as the balcony door slid open. What the hell was he doing in there, anyway?

“Just-- a minu-- fuck! minute!”

Tony frowned. “What... what is he doing in there? Does he need help?” He reached for the doorknob.

“I’m quite sure Bucky needs a lot of help,” Natasha said. “Equally certain you’re not qualified for that level of disaster.” Bucky, hurry up. She probably wasn’t telepathic, but it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

Tony cocked his head at her, then reached for the doorknob again. “Come on, whatever he’s doing, it can’t be that bad.”

“Uh, well, you know, it’s--”

Tony rolled his eyes and nudged Natasha out of the way so he could open the door. “Don’t know if you know this, but I’m a superhero. I can handle a little bit of--” He broke off as he pushed into their living room.

Bucky was standing by the open door to the balcony, arms folded. All the newspapers were gone.

Tony looked around, slightly confused. “Are you... Is everything okay?”

“Fine, great, better now that you’re here,” Bucky said, turning away from the door hastily. He moved across the room to drop a kiss on Tony’s mouth.

Tony returned the kiss, but then pulled away to look at Natasha. “What’s going on in here?”

Natasha straightened up, tugging her towel back into place with a little more production than, clearly, it needed, but hey, Tony was often distracted by a good pair of breasts, too. “Nothing,” she said. Which was true, because there was, currently, nothing going on.

“And you’re... sure I’m not interrupting anything,” Tony said cautiously.

“Nope,” Bucky said, curling up around Tony like the world’s biggest cat. “Everything’s just--”

A piece of one of the newspapers blew in from the porch door, drifted around the room, and settled.

Face up.

Right in front of Tony.

And of course it was the front damn page.

“You what, threw them off the balcony? All of them?” Natasha couldn’t quite help shrieking.

“Uh, yes?” Bucky confessed.

Tony looked up from the paper at Natasha. And then at Bucky. Then he carefully extricated himself from Bucky’s embrace and went out onto the balcony and looked over the edge. “Huh. That is... that is a lot of newspapers.”

“I would like to state for the record that this is at least… thirty percent Barton’s fault,” Bucky said.

Tony nodded, still looking over the balcony. “I believe that.” He came back into the living room, shutting the door behind him. “So... What? You were trying to keep me from seeing that, I guess?”

“Well, yes?” Bucky pushed his foot around on the floor like a little kid that had been caught stealing out of the cookie jar.

“It’s not-- certainly the whole situation is a little awkward, and I don’t think anyone really wanted to come out… it’s rude to out someone,” Natasha said.

“And we haven’t really settled exactly what this is,” Bucky continued. “So, what’s to tell? It’s not anyone’s business anyway.”

“Well, that’s true,” Tony said. He picked up the lone sheet lying on the floor and studied it. “I should probably fill Pepper in, though, or she’s going to burst a blood vessel when she sees this.”

“She already did that,” Natasha confessed. “Sort of. Mine. A little bit.”

“How can someone burst a blood vessel a little bit?” Bucky wondered.

“You’ve met Pepper,” Tony pointed out. “So it’s okay if I tell her that we’re... dating?”

“Of course it’s okay,” Natasha said. “We just-- didn’t think you were comfortable with that, yet. A relationship is always harder when it’s in the public eye like this. We should have been more careful. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “We didn’t mean to make things awkward.”

Tony blinked. He looked back and forth between them, and then burst out laughing. “Awkward? Have you ever googled me? Even once? This doesn’t even scrape the surface of awkward!” He chuckled again and pulled out his phone, thumbs flicking as he sent a text message.

Bucky exchanged a rueful glance with Natasha. “Well, I mean, we’ve seen--”

“But you’re not with any of them anymore. And… we wanted… especially since everything’s so new. It’d be-- easier to move on, I suppose.”

“Which, if we get a vote on that, I am not in favor.”

Tony looked up. “You thought I’d cut and run? Over a little bad press? Seriously? Well, now I’m hurt.”

“We, uh--” Bucky pointed between Tony and Natasha and himself. “We, uh, need to work on our communication skills, I guess. I thought you might be angry, or upset.”

“Or feel guilty,” Natasha said, because they might as well call a spade a spade at that point.

“Well, I’m pretty angry with the damn paparazzi,” Tony said. “Jesus, a guy can’t have a quiet outing anymore. And it’s... possible. Just barely. That I might have freaked out a little bit when I saw it. If only because I know neither of you want to be dragged into the spotlight.”

“I care about you very much,” Bucky said, with that face, the one that was basically all his feelings on display, like some sort of labrador billboard. “And I don’t care who knows this.”

Natasha rubbed at her face, trying to push away the headache. “I care who knows it because I wanted it to come out on our terms. Once we were… more comfortable with it. Why make a flash in the pan, if it doesn’t work out? I want it to work out, of course I do, don’t look at me in that tone of voice, Bucky. But if it doesn’t, things are going to be awful enough without everybody and their uncle commenting on it.”

“So, we just make it work out,” Bucky said. “She always has to make it complicated.”

Tony looked at Natasha. “He may have a point.”

“It’s just that simple? We make it work?” Natasha wanted to believe that, but she’d wanted a lot of things, and rarely ever got them. And she really, really wanted this.

Tony reached out and snared the top of her towel, using it to pull her closer. “We make it work,” he agreed. “We can do this.”

“All in favor, the motion passes unanimously,” Bucky said, sliding one arm around Natasha’s waist, the other going around Tony’s shoulders, bringing them all together for one nice, safe, warm hug. And if the towel fell off in the process, well…

That was just moving everyone in the right direction. 

[scornedlove]

Chapter Seventeen

Robyn

It was happening again. After almost a year of not having crazy dreams, I was having nightmares again.

This time, I dreamt I was getting married. I was walking down the aisle with happy tears because everything was so beautiful and all my friends and family were there. When my veil was lifted, I was standing in front of Chris. We say our vows and kiss. When we turn and face the crowd, everyone stands up and applauds except for Melanie, who is shaking her head with her arms crossed and a pregnant woman in the front row, who looks too big to stand, even if she wanted to. She’s sitting next to Joyce with her head down and her shoulders are shaking as if she’s crying. I squeeze Chris’ hand tighter to grab his attention and point the woman out to him, but when I look back at her, she’s gone. We walk down the aisle and out of the church to a motorcycle that has just married on the back of it, with ribbon and flowers flowing down the back. We both hop on the motorcycle while everyone’s yelling congratulations and blowing kisses at us. Before pulling off, Chris decides to pop a wheely and I fall off the motorcycle in my big ass, white gown, so I’m standing there yelling at him while he’s still driving. Then, in front of my eyes, a truck crashes into to him, and my eyes pop open. It was a horrible nightmare and I always woke up just as the truck crashes into him.

It was like hearing from Chris resurfaced energy it took me forever to bury. Maybe it was because I unintentionally stood him up. With everything that was going on with Rayven, I had completely forgotten about Chris that entire week. By the time I remembered, it felt foolish to try and apologize a week later, so I didn’t.

Nevertheless, today was the third time I’ve had this dream in the past month and each time I was in bed with Dre, thank God he didn’t wake up this time. It took him a week to stop asking me if I was okay the last time, when he witnessed the night sweats. 

Instead of having breakfast with Dre, like I usually did after crashing at his place, I decided to get up and get an early start on my day. I joined a gym in my neighborhood a few weeks ago and had been coming three days a week since.

It was a nice, comfortable environment and I'd already met a cool chick who was on a strict workout plan, preparing to be a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding. She was usually halfway through her session when I got there, but that didn't stop us from having a little friendly competition.

"Good morning Robyn. You're here earlier than usual” she smiled brightly as sweat glistened on her forehead.

“Mornin Katy” I replied, as I shoved my glasses, hat, and phone in a locker.

“I’ve already done my six miles, thanks to that B12 injection I got yesterday" she announced, following me to the floor and sitting on the squat machine next to me. “I’m telling you, that stuff is a game changer, and I’m gonna need all the energy I can get, so I can be nice and tight for that dress.”

"I absolutely hate injections and needles” I frowned at the thought “Well...unless I’m getting a tattoo” 

“I swear people who have the most tattoos are the most pussy when it comes to injections” she laughed shaking her head. “What’s up though? You seem kind of down today?”

“I’m just a little tired” I replied, forcing a smile as I put some ten-pound weights on the bars.

“Oh, our eye candy isn’t here yet. He usually wakes you up, you seem to sweat a little harder on the days he’s here” she teased, referring to one of the trainers.

“Yeah, his smile sure does give me a little picker upper” I grinned, thinking of the last time he was here. He was training some girl who already had a perfect body, probably a model, and it was funny to watch him sweat as she kept bending over directly in front of him, obviously wanting a different kind of workout.

“Speak of the sexy little devil, here he comes now” she nodded towards the entrance.

“How are you ladies today?” he asked with a smile, locking eyes with me as he walked past us. 

“Oh, we’re good now that you’re here” Katy winked and I could see his cheeks turn a little pink as he chuckled softly, but kept it moving.

“You are pitiful, leave that baby alone. I’m sure he gets enough of that from these tiny little 'models' he’s always training. I would be jumping at the chance to have him as a trainer too, if he were a decade older” I laughed. We worked out together for another half hour, people watching and laughing about the ones who were obviously here just to post it on social media.

After Katy left, I jogged three miles of my own, then hit the showers. I always felt ten times better after my workout, it put me in a singing mood. Today’s jam was ‘Girl on Fire’ by Alicia Keys.

“You have a beautiful voice” someone pointed out, scaring the shit outta me while I was digging for lotion in my locker. I thought I was the only one in the locker room.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he grinned at how hard I jumped.

“Boy, do you know I could’ve slapped the shit outta you” I replied, clutching my chest.

“Who’s to say I wouldn’t have enjoyed it?” he asked raising his eyebrow.

“Don’t do that” I ordered, pulling the rest of my things from my locker.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Don’t flirt with me. I’m old enough to be your mama, or at least ya damn auntie” I replied, and he burst into laughter.

“You’re hella gorgeous and funny. I like that”

“Thank you” I smiled as our eyes connected.

"That was a nice workout you did today, but when you're ready for the real deal, let Quincy know” he stated, patting his chest. “I can help you on your form" He licked his lips, then proceeded to undress me with his eyes, and that was my cue to leave.

“Enjoy the rest of your day Quincy, and try not to scare the shit outta anyone else” I called over my shoulder.

After the gym, I had a doctor’s appointment to rush to. I was beyond nervous because I was here for lab results. I came a few days ago for a routine pap smear, but ended up getting a lot of other testing done too. I was wondering if it was possible for me to get pregnant again, even though I wasn't planning on it anytime soon. It’s just something that’s been heavy on my heart, so I wanted answers.

My palms were sweaty and my stomach churned as I waited for the doctor to come in. I just felt bad news coming and it made me anxious.

"Hey Mrs. Fenty, how are you doing today?

"Nervous"

"Well I have the answers to your questions right here" he stated, flipping through a stack of papers.

He went over my lab results and hysteroscopy with me and broke everything down to simpler terms.

"So overall, you're healthy. Your uterus did sustain a lot of scar tissue from the previous injury, which dramatically lowers your chances of being able to carry a baby again"

"what does that mean?"

"you will probably have no problem getting pregnant, but it's not very likely you'll ever make it past the first trimester again. If you and your husband are considering kids, it may be better to use a surrogate"

"Oh no, I just wanted to know. I'm not married and I'm not trying to get pregnant, I just wanted to know where I stood"

"Well if you ever decide to go that route, let me know. I know a good doctor"

I was supposed to have dinner with Dre and his mom tonight, but after my appointment, I wasn't in the mood to slap on a fake smile. Dre reads through that shit instantly, which means I would have to explain why I was in a sour mood. So instead, I went home and drank a bottle of Chardonnay to myself. This is the closest you get to a pity party" I told myself as I rolled a blunt. 

I took it easy the rest of the weekend. I just sat at home with Ollie and Pepe, watching TV and eating junk. When Monday morning came, I'd gotten all the pity out of my system and was ready to work off that extra 5 pounds I gained overnight.

"Good morning. Are you ready to work on that form?" Quincy greeted me bright and early with that big ass smile he always had. It was eerily quiet with only one other person working out this morning, but that didn’t make him any less jolly.

"As a matter of fact, I am" I replied, catching him off guard. Still, that didn't stop him from coming through with the good advice. We had a thirty-minute session, but when it was over, I was drenched in sweat.

I walked a couple of miles to cool down then took at quick shower so I could avoid rush hour on the way to work. John was a good driver, but no one stood a chance against rush hour traffic.

"Thanks for the pointers today" I smiled when Quincy walked in the locker room. “I really feel the burn” 

"My pleasure" he smiled, licking his lips. I swear he was doing that shit on purpose.

“Do you mind helping me out with my necklace?" I asked, after it slipped through my fingers for the third time.

"Of course" he replied, taking it in his hand and putting it around my neck. "You smell really good"

"Thanks"

“No problem” he whispered so softly, that he made the hairs on the back of my neck stand and sent shivers down my spine. My body shook involuntarily causing me to bump into him and I accidentally felt his manhood.

“Oh my God. I’m sorry. That tickled and I got the chills, I’m so sorry” I apologized repeatedly. I was embarrassed, but more impressed than anything. He had basketball shorts on so I felt everything. I couldn’t believe it was rock hard and a nice size at that.

“Hey girl, I woke up late today and-” Katy immediately paused, feeling the tension in the air.

“It was good working with you today, let me know when you’re ready for more” Quincy winked, leaving me to face Katy’s curious expression, and adding even more to the flame with that wink.

Chris

“Wow. This is beautiful. What do you call it?” Tae asked, as soon as we entered my bedroom. She came to the city this weekend, for my art exhibition and couldn’t get enough. She wanted to see more, so I invited her over to see some of the things I painted in my new home.

“Monster. I painted this in one night. I couldn’t sleep, so I found myself painting with no end in mind, this was the finished product” I explained.

“You are really talented. Her eyes are so intense” she continued in awe. “And look at her lips”

“Look at your lips” I replied, licking my own, then leaning in and kissing hers. It was bold, but I could tell she wanted it, because she wasted no time slipping her tongue in my mouth.

“Damn” she grinned, after I pulled back. “That was unexpected”

“In a bad way or a good way?”

“In a great way, but I might as well tell you now. I’m celibate, so that’s about as far as you’re gonna get without a ring on my finger”

“Whoa, I wish you would’ve told me that sooner. Now I feel like I crossed the line, and I don’t want to disrespect you”

“No, that was nice. I just don’t want you getting any other ideas” she laughed playfully, as her phone began to vibrate. She took it out, replied to a text, and put it back in her pocket for the hundredth time today.

“You must be a popular lady” I teased. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know” she replied, leaning in and kissing me this time.

“Naw, you can’t be doing stuff like that. That’s not fair” I quickly shook my head, as the alarm chimed, signaling that someone just came in the house. 

I knew it wasn’t Anthony, he wasn’t supposed to be back for another few hours, so I jumped up and ran down the hall to find out who it was.

“Chris!" Mama called out as I jogged down the stairs.

"Hey mama, what's up? You always call before you come"

"I have something to tell you” she began, getting straight to the point. 

“This must be some serious stuff for you to drive all the way over here” I chuckled.

“We need to sit down” she sighed walking to the living room and sitting on the sofa. 

“You okay?” I asked and she nodded. “What’s going on mama? Don’t tell me I’m gonna have to beat Richard’s ass”

“What? No Chris” she rolled her eyes. “This is going to be a lot to process, and I’m sorry I never told you this before. I had a baby when you were six. I was going through a lot at the time, and I couldn’t handle another child, so I gave him up for adoption"

"Wow...wait. Why are you telling me now?"

"He showed up at my doorstep a couple of months ago. I thought the records were sealed, but he found me. We’ve been spending some time together, but he wanted to be sure about the paternity before taking our relationship any further, so we had a DNA test done and I got the results today. He's really my baby boy” she whispered, clutching the papers to her chest.

“Wow Ma. I don't even know what to say right now?” I stared at her, lost for words. “I’m surprised you could go all this time without telling me something like this”

"It’s not something I was proud of, you know. I didn't think about the possibility of him wanting to know me after all this time, and there were so many feelings surrounding my pregnancy, that I hoped to never have to explain, so I forced myself to live with my decision"

"What do you mean"

"He came out looking just like his dad, and I couldn't live with that at the time”

“Wait, you said ‘his’ dad, so that means...”

“Yes, you two have different fathers. Anyway, I told him he has a brother and he's been wanting to meet you. I thought it would be best if we knew the DNA results first, so now that they're here, I thought we could all have dinner tonight at my house”

“Of course, if I have a brother out there, I definitely want to meet him” I nodded adamantly.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I’m going to get going Chris” Tae announced. 

“I’m so sorry, Tae. This is my mom, Joyce. Mama, this is Lashontae. She’s Lala’s maid of honor”

"You are gorgeous Lashontae” Mama complimented, shaking her hand. “Chris, you should’ve told me you have company.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I see you have family stuff going on, so I think I should go”

“Nonsense honey. I didn’t mean to interrupt what you two had going on. I’m going to get going, I have to get to the supermarket. I’ll see you later Chris” Mama smiled. “It was good to meet you Lashontae, you’re welcome to join us for dinner later” she added on her way out.

“Aww, you look so much like your mom, and she’s super sweet” Tae grinned.

“Thank you. You’re not leaving yet, are you?”

“Well, I kind of overheard your mom, I figured you might want some privacy, so I was going to head back to Lala’s.” Tae replied.

“Please stay and join us tonight. Mama can really cook, I promise you won’t be disappointed” 

“I'm sure she can, I just don’t want to impose on something so private”

“Stop it. I want you to be there. It’s not like I can just come swoop you up whenever I want to chill with you, so I want to make the most of the time you do get to spend out here”

“Okay, under one circumstance”

“What’s that?” I asked, hoping it was reasonable.

“I want you to paint something for me” she smiled.

“I should’ve known” I smirked. She was legit a fan of mine and that alone turned me on. The fact that she was celibate also ignited a fire in me. Everything about her was too perfect, and I couldn’t believe luck was on my side with this one. She was beautiful with a banging body, had brains, and was successful in her career.  I couldn’t help but wonder if she had any secrets in her closet, only time will tell. 

[monicalorandavis]

periods

Weeks ago, maybe months ago, I was in an Uber XL because my friend is dj’ing and doing quite well for himself and also because I was with a group of six other adults and no one could even pretend to be sober enough to drive.

So there we are in the big SUV. I’m in the way back with my friend and every seat is accounted for - even the seat next to the driver. It was a packed ride and the back seat was where the party was at. My friend and I were quite literally bouncing off the walls. I think at one point I turned myself upside down and pressed my feet into the ceiling (I’m that girl) and gyrated my ass off my seat. I don’t know how I avoid hurting myself when I act this way. *Correction: I always, always hurt my pride the next morning when someone shows me the footage on their phone and my drunk voice is shrieking some vile obscenity.*

I remarked to the mixed group of men and women (to be specific, two men and four women) that “Being a girl is the fucking best”. I don’t know why then seemed like the perfect time to share that sentiment with boys, but, I said it and then I immediately regretted it.

Because of course they had to ruin it. I had barely finished the sentence before one of the guys said, “Yeah, except periods.”

And, of course.

Yes, facts.

Periods are bad. They are always, always bad. The four women in the car agreed that they are in fact so, so bad that it’s insane that men don’t get to have them. They at least should have to experience a couple somehow. I suggest some time before they have sex so they can fully understand the undertaking before them. Do they want to create a life in that place that produces the monthly blood mud or are they just horny?

But, it occurred to me in a drunken split-second (which in all fairness was probably closer to a drunken half of a minute), do men think that periods are really the worst thing about being a woman?

The thought burrowed its spiny legs into my beleaguered mind and stuck. What if they are?

Not right now they’re not, obviously. The world, at the moment, for women is bat-shit kookookachoo-Lollapalooza got pregnant by Fyre Festival-burning-down-the-house-no bueno-bad, bad, bad. But, if the world were to somehow heal its wounds of misogyny and close the wage gap and stop domestic violence, and rape, and stigmatizing reproductive health, and harassment, and catcalling, and victim blaming, and gaslighting, and intimidating, and talking over us, and sexualizing our bodies from the minute we sprout the insinuations of breasts, and sex trafficking... we wouldn’t solve the tricky business of getting our periods. It is an immutable fact. (Now, this is a ciswoman rant, I realize. It is admittedly the privilege of being a biological female. Trans women lament the fact they will never have periods. They don’t get the opportunity to bear children. This must be like actual nails on a chalkboard and I am sorry.)

However, periods are whack.

The conversation in the SUV was sort of a wonderful acknowledgement and...conference of sorts. We shared period horror stories and the men were adult enough to not squeal in disgust. Instead, they feigned outrage at the middle school teasing we endured when we bled through our jeans during P.E class. But the truth is, they were probably the same idiots laughing at us those twenty years ago. We all were. We’ve all been taught to hide our tampons in our hands, bras, tiny pockets and pass them to each other like drug paraphernalia. Our periods exist in the cracks of society. Dirty pads are wrapped and wrapped with tissue paper until the blood doesn’t seep out. It’s wasteful. It’s also disrespectful to our uteruses...to each other, really. We’re all pretending for each other. (Do not leave a trace of it anywhere!) But wouldn’t we all be doing better if we stopped pretending?

Every time we hide our periods it’s playing into the farce that women do not actually bleed out of their sex parts. Granted we also deliver babies from our sex parts. But there is a third purpose of the sex part, and you guessed it - the PERIOD.

The more I’m thinking about it, we should put some g.d. respect on her name. Blood is the life force. It is a sacrament. Sometimes we don’t know how badly we wanted a period until all of a sudden one’s missing and we are flippin’ tf out.  At least, I am. And most of my friends are. But I guess some of my friends are in a place where raising a family is a thing you could do.

And yet, in spite of the glory of our biological endowment, she is a messy bitch. We cannot deny this fact. (This is the reputation she will never live down.) She has ruined sheets, towels, underwear, leggings, chairs, sofas, pillows, sleep-overs, dates, car rides, vacations, bathing suits, swims with friends, sex with a new guy, waxes, make-out sessions, sporting events, camping. Also, the smell of blood attracts bears, sharks. We are vulnerable to wild animals. We can be eaten because our vaginas are bleeding and we can’t make them stop! I’m basically two weeks away from getting eaten by a bear at any moment. And people wonder why I don’t camp?!?! FOH.

Also, to the point about the bears, she is a (and I hate to say this) smelly bitch. I know that that is so gross but in the spirit of honoring the thing we cannot change, let’s just put it on Front Street. Periods are stinky. Makes sense. The lining from your uterus has been straight up chillin’ in your vagina cave for weeks and weeks so when it drops down it don’t smell fresh. That’s just how it goes. We don’t get to scrub out our uteruses and give ‘em a deep clean in between oil changes. 1) Because that’d be fucking crazy. Have you ever gotten a pap smear? You ain’t opting for those babies more often than is absolutely necessary. And 2) You’d probably screw up the natural balance of your cycle and your pH and whatever else is going on in that mysterious little cabinet.

So what’s the conclusion? Do we stop hiding tampons? Yes. Do we free bleed through our white jeans? I guess if you want to, sure. (I think free bleeding is very, very dope but I ain’t got it like that because I don’t want huge blood stains on my crotch.) But in terms of an artistic expression and a fuck you to the system, almost nothing makes me happier.

So, honor your period. Don’t hide your period for the sake of men. They know we bleed. They’re ok talking about it. They’ll buy you tampons. If they don’t, they are trash and must be gotten rid of. Now that that’s settled, we, the women of the human race must stop telling men that we don’t poop.

[thebluesiren66]

The Doctor Will See You Now

Summary: When you go to the office to meet your new general practitioner, Dr. Stan has already had a rough day and he needs a little release ;)

Warnings: SMUT, Dr!Sebastian Stan au, Possible trigger of doctor’s offices and gynecology, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cursing

Masterlist

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guys, please request things! all asks and requests are open, I’m so lonely and uninspired... ;(

“Hey hey! Baby Stan the man!”

Sebastians ears rang and it took everything in him not to groan at the all too familiar greeting. Ever since he had moved into this god forsaken office he had received nothing but snide remarks and blows to his pride. Fresh out of med school he was the youngest doctor out of the faculty, but that didn't mean that he had any less qualification than any other washed up GP in here!

“Hey son, what’s going on?” 

Doctor Quall... on the shorter side, slightly obese, grey with age, and one of the biggest pricks of the general practitioner floor. Sebastian gritted his teeth before turning in his office chair to face his colleague.

“Quall, what can I do for you?” sebastian forced a bitter smile.

“Well, I was just having a look at your patient list for the day and I noticed a pretty serious case. from the looks of things, it could be cancerous. well I know you’re new and all that, so I took the liberty and removed the case from your files. I’ll take care of this one. no need to worry, I’ve got your back kid. let me know if something else comes up!”

Before Sebastian could even say anything, the crude old man was already out the door with HIS patient file!

Damn him!

Sebastian slammed his fists on his desk. who the fuck did he think he was?? I’ve been in this damn office for almost a year! sebastian growled under his breath. I bet he barely passed his residential exams in the first place!

“Doctor Stan?” came a soft voice the the intercom into his office.

“What!?” Sebastian shouted.

There was a short pause... he was taking his anger out in all the wrong ways, he needed to get his head in the game and get back to work. no one deserves to feel subjected to the hate that belonged to another, especially not the on call nurse running the intercoms...

“I’m sorry, what is it?” Sebastian reproached in a calm voice, fixing a stray hair falling over his brow.

“Your 3 O’clock patient is waiting for you in exam room 7 sir” The voice from the intercom spoke.

With a deep breath Sebastian rose from his chair and made his way to the examination wing. Hopefully this could take his mind off things.

You sat in the cold room twiddling your thumbs. Being at the clinic really gave you the creeps, especially one that you weren’t familiar with. your old practitian had just retired and now you needed to meet with the new guy who was supposed to take over her old patients. you had initially thought this would all just roll over and you’d just come in next time you needed a prescription refill or a check up... but evidently because of all the patient confidentiality crap they can’t just transfer your files from your old doctor to your new one. you had to take a whole afternoon off of work, come all they way out here, sign a million things, and meet the new guy to transfer all your old information.

God I hate all this technicall crap... I really just want to go home.. you thought to yourself.

After about 7 minutes of waiting the door roughly swung open and you almost jumped from the exam table. Sebastian laid eyes on your figure, obviously tense and with a hand placed over your chest like you were afraid your heart was about to beat out of your chest and he mentally kicked himself.

“My apologies, I should have knocked..” Sebastian said swavely, attempting his best welcoming smile.

“No that’s okay...” you said as you took in the man before you.

He certainly was a sight to behold... a lot younger than you thought he’d be... he barely looked 30. He had a pair of white scrubs on that were obviously a size too small... it looked like if he moved just the right way, his pecks would rip the front of his stirt straight down the middle... and those white pants strained against his muscular thighs in the most sinful way...

You were pulled from your ogling as he gracefully walked towards your seat on the table.

“Doctor Sebastian Stan at your service.” he held his hand out for you to take.

“(y/n), its a pleasure.” you gave in return, voice about an octave higher than usual.

Sebastian cleared his throat and ran his long fingers through his thick dark brown hair in attempt to keep it under control. he took a seat in front of the computer and logged into his profile to catch your files all up to date.

This all really was a pain in the ass...

Height?

Weight?

Diet?

How many times a week to you exersize?

Previous conditions, medication, surgeries, last time you got your shots, have you been out of the country recently?

jesus christ how long is this going to take?? days?? weeks??

“Alright, last one Miss (y/n). Sebastian gave you an apologetic look over to your slumped over figure.

“When was the last time you had your Pap Smear?”

you paused for a moment thinking, then you felt your face pale... you definitely should have not pushed that one under the rug for so long when you had a FEMALE doctor...

“Uhhh... never...?” you smiled timidly trying to avoid your doctors burning eyes.

Sbastian widened his eyes a tad as he saw a little blush creep up your cheeks.

“Miss (y/n)... I strongly recommend you get that done as soon as possible... you said that your grandmother had cervical cancer didn’t you?”

You nodded your head softly, like a puppy who knows he’s in trouble.

“Well those things can turn out to be hereditary you know...” Sebastian droned on.

“I know... I guess it just always kinda... i don't know... made me nervous...” you sigh.

Sebastian stood slowly and placed one of his large hands on your shoulder and looked at you with those soft kind eyes.

“I understand. It’s completely normal to be nervous about these things going into it... but I assure you, there is nothing to be nervous about. It’s the easiest procedure in the world. takes only about 5 minutes.”

Sebastian smiled at you and you felt the not in your gut slowly melt away little by little.

“Since you’ve come out all this way today, I could do it for you really quick if you’d like... Quick and painless. no extra charge for coming back another day...”

Here comes the knot again... how your fingers grow cold and your head feels foggy...

Sebastian saw how you noticeably reacted to his proposition..

“Of course if you’d be more comfortable, I could speak with the nurses. one of them must have the qualifications to perform such a simple test...”

Before you could even think about it your mouth opened on it’s own accord and spoke for you.

“No! I’d like you to do it...”

Sebastian was surprised at this... but he certainly wouldn’t deny you. he gave you another heart melting smile.

“Go ahead and disrobe from the waist down and you can use the blanket behind you for cover if you'd like. I’ll be back in just a moment.”

everything was moving at X10 speed and Sebastian left you alone in the silence with a bad case of whiplash.

okay... this isn’t so bad... I can do this... just a doctor performing a little test... an extremely attractive doctor... with his extremely attractive hands... all over my vagina... what have I gotten myself into....

Sebastian softly closed the door behind him and leaned his back against the wood. God, the smell of her perfume... her smile... the way her hair shines under the fluorescent lights... how soft her skin was... the sound of her little voice when she got embarrassed. Sebastian cursed under his breath, he couldn’t have those thoughts about her. not about his patient. one little test and she would be out those doors and he could forget. move on with his crappy job and go back to prescribing pain meds to old women with bad joints. no more of this pretty girl who smells sweet... who’s eyes burn holes into your skin... whose legs you’re going to be between in a few minutes... just inches away from her aching pus-

Sebastian shook his head and walked away from the door. just a test. just one test.... he made his way towards the equipment room, trying the images of her getting naked behind that door out of his head.

The cold air over your heat, the vent directly over the exam table, and this tiny blanket was doing nothing to stop the quivering in your thighs. you were beyond tense, but right before you could hop up and put your pants back on to make your escape Doctor Stan knocked softly on the door before swinging it open.

There you were, laying back on the table, half naked and waiting for him...

Shut up

if he kept thinking like that he was going to pop a boner and these scrubs would do nothing to hide it...

you saw Sebastian walk over to the little table beside your head and set down a small bottle with clear liquid inside, and a metal contraption that looked like a pelican beak. you swallow hard and force your eyes away.

Just dont think about it...

Sebastian sat on his stool and pulled out some latex gloves from a little box on the counter and wheeled his stool and the little table over to you. you were to scared to look down at him, but it was like you could feel him hovering over your heat...

you took another deep breath and closed your eyes.

“Alright Miss (y/n), let's get your legs up.” Sebastian said.

those words went straight to your core and just made you a thousand times more nervous... if he’d only say that while you were laying flat on his bed-

Sebastian carefully gripped your ankles and pulled you legs up to rest in these stirrup holders that unfolded from the side of the table you were on. now you were sure your face was full on tomato. you were laying back, basically spread eagle in front of Dr. Dreamy here... with only this tiny blanket between his face and your most intimate pla...

“I’ll be lifting the blanket a little now Miss (y/n)” Sebastian soothed.

you didn’t trust you voice, so you only nodded at his statement. you closed your eyes and waited for a cold rush of air that would signal you were bare to him.

Sebastian held his breath as the light cloth was slowly pulled up to rest on your knees. you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.. every part of you was delectable... your skin so soft and supple... he began to wonder if he was the first man to touch you here... he doubted it, but you just seemed like a ripe fruit, begging to be devoured. how he longed to get a taste...

Clearing his throat and shaking himself out of his daze, Sebastian picked up the small bottle. “I’ll just apply a small amount of lubricant...”

Your eyes shot open at that

“L-lubricant??” you asked, looking down at him.

“it make it easier to insert the examining device, we need to be able to test the surface of the cervix without the vaginal walls closing around the swab.” sebastian said softly.

you laid back again and bit you lip

what in the actual fuck did i get myself into...

Sebastian applied a small amount of the clear liquid into his gloved hand.

“I’m going to touch you now...”

Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek as he slowly reached forward to touch your throbbing center. using one hand he spread your lips and he was met with your beautiful pink skin. without even thinking he took his lubed hand and brushed his fingertips against your clit that was beginning to swell. he felt you gasp and flinch at the contact, but he was too mesmerised to look back up at you this time.

“Sorry if my hands are cold...” Sebastian said as he slowly moved his fingertips down to your tight hole, slicking you up.

when his fingertip met with your opening he frowned. you were so tight he doubted he could even slip one of his fingers into you, let alone the clamp...

“This will take longer and be more uncomfortable if you’re tense... try and relax” Sebastian soothed.

you nodded, but you just couldn't make your body obey. every single muscle was wound tight. Sebastian noticed your struggle and he bit his lip... this could be risky... unethical even... but as long as it was all in the name of the procedure right..?

“Alright, I’ll be applying a small amount of pressure to see if this will help you relax... if at any time you feel uncomfortable just say so.” Sebastian said placing a hand on your ankle and squeezing comfortingly.

Sebastian took his lubed hand once more and pressed the pad of his thumb against you clit. this time when he felt you hips jerk he started small ministrations against the sensitive bud.

You clamped you hand over your mouth to contain the moan lodged in your throat and you felt your thighs start to quiver again.

With ever circle over your clit Sebastian could feel you loosening up for him. His finger was still nestled against your entrance and he waited until you were dilated with pleasure up to almost two of his fingers before he held the metal clamp against you hole. he wanted to tell you to prepare for the insertion, but he was afraid if he gave you a warning, you would only close up on him again. so without so much as a word, he slid the long piece of metal into your tight heat to the hilt.

When you felt the unexpected intrusion slide inside you all the way to your cervix, you couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips or the arch in your back.

“Sorry, just didn’t want you to tense up on me before I could get in there...” Sebastian said, looking at the undoubtable look of pleasure on your face.

you chanced a look down at the man between your legs and you immediately regretted it. a devilish smirk adorned his handsome face as he looked up at you and you instantly felt the spark in the pit of your stomach.

“Now comes the easy part.” Sebastian started.

“I’m going to widen the clamp so I can see the cervix, then we’ll take a swab sample, and we’re all done.”

You nodded and braced yourself for whatever “widening  the clamp” meant.

You felt it as soon as he started, it was the weirdest yet  strangely pleasurable feeling you’ve ever known. you could feel the end of the metal tool deep inside you beginning to open and stretch you open wider. you felt so full... and yet so empty, since it was just a hollow metal tool... and it made you ache to feel something.. something bigger... hotter... something like Doctor Stan’s...

You had been so lost with your mind in the gutter that you didn’t even feel him take the sample.But you snapped out of it when you felt the long slick piece of metal being pulled from your core.

Sebastian put the sample in a test tube and took his gloves off before turning his attention back to you to release your legs from the stirrups. but before he could release the buckle the door to the exam room swung open.

From behind the door came an older man whose shirt was a little too small... but not in the sexy way this time... holding a stack of papers in minella folders. you shot up from your lying position trying to contain your modesty, But Sebastian got to you first. he swiftly covered you with his lab coat and walked to stand between you and the intruder.

“Hey baby Stan the man, I was just having a look at some more of you files and-”

“Doctor Quall I am with a patient! you are disrupting her privacy and patient confidentiality!” Sebastian shouted at the bulbous old man.

His voice was stern, scarry almost. but the old man just scoffed and ruffled Sebastians hair as if he were a child.

“Nice try Sebby, I’ll be taking another two cases off your workload for you!”

And with that.. the door was shut and the old man was gone just as swiftly as he came...

Sebastian's hair was tousled  and his hands were balled into fists. he looked as if her were about to explode...

“Doctor Stan...?” you called out softly.

Sebastian quickly turned his attention back to you, his eyes sparkling with rage.

“No one in here treats me with any fucking respect! That shit happens day in and day out because I’m the youngest doctor here! fuck that! I shouldn’t be here, I should be a surgeon working in an OR not a fucking washed up clinic!”

Sebastian kicked at the examining stool and pulled at his hair in anger. he was like some volatile predator ready to attack... and god damn if that didn’t turn you on...

Sebastian cooled as he saw your blank expression staring up at him. in a moment of clarity, he fixed his hair again.

“I apologise.. that was extremely unprofessional of me..” Sebastian said softly, gaze fixed to the floor.

“I understand”

your eyes met then, you gave him a small smile and he felt the remainder of his composure melt. it was too late, you were chipping away at his cracked foundations and now the dam was coming down...

“Fuck it. I’ll quit tomorrow anyway...”

Sebastian was on you in a single stride. he stepped between your still sterrupped legs and tangled his hands in your hair as he smashed his lips against yours.

Taken aback, it took your brain a moment to recognize what was happening, but you quickly melted into his power and trailed your hands over his wide shoulders. his tongue was already invading your mouth and his hands were starting to wander down  to the small of your back where your shirt had ridden up. he greedily shoved his strong hands under the shirt and kept pushing till it was up and off your shoulders. in that moment your lips disconnected he took the time to let his eyes wander over your breasts and to the cute little lacy bra you had chosen for today.

He quickly pulled away from you and walked backwards. at first you were afraid he was just going to run out and leave you there, but then you saw his graceful fingers brush over the door lock.

“This will be a private examination...” Sebastian turned his gaze back to you and you saw the raw hunger in his eyes.

With dangerous prowess, Sebastian strode over to you and ripped the blanket and his coat from your lap. he leaned back over you and started kissing over your stomach, reaching lower and lower with each peck.

“This wasn’t my first pap smear you know... the rest of them were painfully... uneventful... but you... this pussy just ... does things to me...” Sebastian growled against your skin.

Your hands laced in his hair as his kisses reached your pubic bone.

“I’ve been wanting to taste you all afternoon...”

Sebastian dipped his head between your spread thighs and licked a stripe up your lips. His hands flew to your hips and held them down when you tried to arch off the table. his fingers were holding you so tight you were sure they'd bruise, but you only bucked into his face harder when he wrapped his soft lips around your clit and started flicking it ever so lightly with the tip of his tongue.

you were panting and forcing yourself to swallow the screams Sebastian was trying to force out of you. you’d managed to remain fairly quiet... until two of his long fingers slipped into your core.

you arched your back again and let out a strangled cry as he continued his assault on your clit while curling his deft fingers into that spot inside you that made you melt for him.

“Doctor Stan... I- I’m gonna...” you cried.

He ripped himself away from you in that moment and you whimpered at the loss. you look up just in time to see him rip his shirt over his head and pull his impressive cock out of his pants. you couldn’t help but stare as it bounced proudly when Sebastian walked towards you.

He leaned down over you and you could feel the weight of it against your waiting core. he tangled his hand in your hair again.

“Call me Sebastian...”

He pressed your lips together again and swallowed your moans as he roughly drove himself into your wet heat.

he started a brutal pace, hips snapping into yours and making your whole body shake with the force of it. you swore he was even deeper inside you that that tool had been earlier.

he was grunting wildly with each trust and he roughly shoved his hands under the cups of your bra to squeeze your breasts and tweak each nipple. your arms were firmly wrapped around his neck and your nails were digging into his muscular shoulder blades, but that only made Sebastian thrust into you harder. you could’ve sworn he was going to split you in half. his tongue on yours, hands on your breasts, abdomen rubbing against your clit with each thrust, and a hard cock so deep inside you...

“God Sebastian...” you moaned, coming closer and closer to your end.

“That's it baby... say my name when you cum for me... say it..” sebastian growled into your ear as he picked up his pace.

you felt his teeth bite into your neck and that was the end of your rope. you fell head first over the edge and came a sharp cry of his name as Sebastian's thrusts were getting more erratic until he finally released  and let his hard body rest on top of yours. both sweaty and spent.

After a few moments you felt Sebastian prop himself up o his elbows. his shallow breath fanned over your face as he fixed a strand of your hair and looked down at you with that devilish smile again.

“I want you to come back to me in a week for another thorough examination Miss (y/n)”

[osetljiv]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2odvuQkrlARSSv6Pvm41GM?si=sjzD66aFTGa5TkMfcIurtQ)

hi i am doing this solely for myself/my own records so please feel free to ignore!!!!!! i wanted to challenge myself by making a top 10 albums list from the last decade - it was rly difficult because my ass truly cannot cut things down and be decisive, but here it is! 

i know many ppl r not into this kinda thing, but i really really love symbolic gestures - i love the idea that a new year (or a new decade!) can wipe ur slate clean, can give u a chance to be hopeful and excited and look forward to things - i hate change and i hate endings but the one good thing to come of them are beginnings! i love new starts, i love freshness, i love blank slates. i know that the end of the year/decade is arbitrary and doesn’t rly mean anything in the long run but....... it is important and super special to me!!!

i’m really not good with words/proper descriptions of the music itself, so i mainly just describe memories/associations i make to the albums, so don’t expect a proper music critic’s review or anything LOL… i am also not ranking by objective quality, but influence - these r the albums that personally made the biggest impact on me since 2010. i started off the decade age 13 and finished it in 2019 at age 23..... so clearly that is a very big difference in stages of life!!! i completed my teenage years, graduated from elementary school, high school & university.... i went thru many different friend groups, many different personality changes...... several big life events occurred…. many many hours were spent listening to music. and now i’m here! 

my only rules were 1. had to be on repeat for a significant amount of time, 2. preferably only one album per artist (to force me to pick between them), and 3. i had to consistently listen to the album as a whole (as opposed to just a few songs out of it)...... some of my fav songs in the world aren’t on these albums bc they were either released before 2010 or i didn’t listen to the rest of the album except for a handful of songs (as is usually the case for me). so the albums on this list are markers in my life, and i could (and did!) listen to them front and back. and ALSO they are not ranked from 1-10...... it was literally difficult enough choosing just 10 and i truly would not survive having to rank them as well. in release date order, here they are!!!!!

 owen pallett - heartland (jan 12th, 2010)

okay i know i just said i wouldn’t rank these but........... well this one is #1 regardless lol!!! the rest are not in any sort of order but this one has to be first (and how lucky that it was released first too!!!) this is the most important/special album to me in the world - it’s the first album released by my favourite musician under his real name, it has some of my most favourite songs of all time on it - it’s probably the first album in my life that i loved and listened to as a whole! when I was younger i never used to have favourite singers or favourite writers or favourite artists - i would have one favourite song/book/painting but never look into the creator’s other work, never had any interest in organizing things that way. but this is the first time i thought - “i adore this song..... and i adore all the other songs this person makes.... so i guess i like this whole album?” not to mention it’s a whole story and world - heartland tells a whole fable and sounds so beautiful doing so. owen was also the first concert i’ve ever been to! he is so beautiful and wonderful and this album is perfect and has my heart and can do no wrong! and as a plus it was released right at the beginning of 2010 so it truly started off the decade and set the pace. i really don’t know what else to say! heartland was a constant throughout the last ten years - i can’t tie it to one specific moment or feeling the way i can with the other albums. this one was really just the background of my whole adolescence, i guess, and i’ll love owen and this album forever!!!! love love love

 gorillaz - plastic beach (march 3, 2010)

i honestly didn’t listen to this album as a whole until the summer after grade 11/before grade 12 when i had to take summer school for math bc i failed (first class i had ever failed :’)!!) and needed the credit for my grade 12 courses (many of which i ended up failing anyway lol) BUT i still had hope at this point so this summer wasn’t that bad..... i remember i had to buy my own bus pass for the summer w my own work money for the first time and walk to the mall bus stop every day all summer to take the city bus downtown to the highschool that used to b a prison (RIP, it got torn down this year) to take summer math from 8-3, 5 days a wk. i loved those classes surprisingly? i remember that summer i dressed so cute every day, i would wear my extra ass dresses and knee high socks and do my hair all cute...... i’d steal my mom’s old lady sweaters w mini skirts and make my own coffee to bring w me and felt so adult..... i didn’t make any friends bc i thought they were all too cool but later learned that the girls in class rly liked me and remembered me the next year when i’d see them at their highschool when visiting for a trivia tournament (don’t judge!!!!) also the first time i got hit on bc a 30 yr old man in my class somehow got my email from the teacher and sent me a creepy email asking me out and i was too scared to go to school the next day lol..... truly feels surreal. but yes i would listen to this album (and demon dayz!) on repeat cuz i found the full albums uploaded to youtube so i remember i would just listen to the entire album all the way thru for the duration of the bus ride while looking out the window and daydreaming bc i couldn’t skip any songs and I couldn’t go on my phone bc the music only plays if u keep the youtube app open…. so it’s hard to listen to the songs individually now because i just picture the transitions every time!

 caribou - swim (april 20, 2010)

this was my summer between grade 8 - grade 9! up until this point i only had a handful of western artists that i listened to (before highschool i listened almost exclusively to Japanese doujin groups that remixed video game music…. do NOT judge!!!) and i felt soooo cool when i started listening to this album/others like it… had odessa downloaded on my zen creative mp3.... so freaking good!! got so embarrassed of my music taste after this LOL cuz my brother saw the album cover on my phone in highschool and asked what hipster shit i was listening to. little did he know.... its GOOD!!!! such a great album to just listen to all the way through. perfect background music for studying/ /walking/smoking/literally doing anything to! i can still listen to it and pinpoint different/new melodies in the back in certain songs. so good!!!

 crystal castles - (II) (april 23, 2010)

so many 2010 albums wow but LISTEN....... i first heard crystal castles in either 2010 or 2011, immediately after i first made a tumblr in grade 9.... this was the era when offensive bloggers and hipster british bloggers were like the only 2 sections of tumblr...... one of the first ppl i followed was this one super popular british blogger, this kid from london who was probs 15 and he had like, a pale grunge aesthetic and rly long bangs that covered his eyes.... i forget his name omg i wish i could see what he was doing now! but ya i loved him i thought he was the coolest thing ever, i went on his blog and he had autoplay and pap smear was the first song that started playing...... i remember being like wtf is this??? first time i heard music like that, with the video game sounds mixed in and the vocals so distorted. i literally was enamoured like i remember thinking i should hate it and wtf r these british freaks listening to but like..... i could NOTTTT STOP and i remember i wouldn’t even bother looking up the song on youtube or anything, when i wanted to listen to the song i would just go to this guy’s tumblr LOOOOOL god!!!! on the outside i was a cutesy girly girl but on the inside i was a pale grunge hipster british tumblr user!

 beach house - bloom (may 15, 2012)

this album is just the sweetest, prettiest memory…. it’s so.. crisp? and clear and pure and loving! beach house was (unsurprisingly) my spotify artist of the decade and i don’t care what rep they get or how similar their music may sound i love them with my entire heart! discovered them from tumblr (as i did most of my fav highschool albums) - first beach house song i ever heard was wild - i remember the first time i started being (SLIGHTLY) less mortified of talking about my music taste to other people, it was maybe in first year? i had gotten into my friend’s car, before we got super close, and she was playing a song off of bloom i think! and i remember my heart just stopped!!!! and i was so absolutely terrified of saying anything, but even moreso excited to see someone whose opinion i cared about who was listening to music that i liked, and so i gathered all my strength and tried to be super casual and say something like “oh, you like beach house, too?” (meanwhile i was literally shaking with nerves…..) and she just so easily said “yeah, i love this song!” and it was the most validating, comforting thing! and a while after that, one of my favourite memories: my other friend got hired at a local café/tea shop, the teeniest little place – it was like 3x4 metres, max – and she would close the store alone, and it was always completely dead, so the group of us would go and sit with her for her entire shift in this sweet warm little store – we’d have tea and coffee and scones – and over the store speakers, she would play whatever we wanted – and for a while i didn’t make suggestions, let everyone else choose, but! i worked my way up to suggesting she play bloom – and she would play the album all the way through, and she surprisingly really liked it?? and then it became the default soundtrack to our tiny hangouts in the tiny café :’)

 toro y moi - anything in return (jan 16, 2013)

WOWWWW truly such a throwback....... this is the first time i felt cool, TRULY cool listening to music LMAOOOO SO EMBARRASSING!!! i remember the day it came out, grade 11 i guess??? but i swear it must have leaked way earlier cuz i remember listening to this way before.... my fav tumblr user at the time (kiki deerhoof LMFAO now THAT is a throwback!!!!) was always posting abt toro y moi and made a mixtape w his music on it and i fell in love..... and i wanted to be cool too! so i would obsessively listen to this album when it dropped. the album drop also overlapped w the moment my grades/effort in school went on a steep decline (not that it caused it ofc but this was like…. the background music to my demise, in a way!) i’ll never forget listening to so many details on my chilly walk past my old elementary school at 6am to get to my bus stop - way too cool for school

 mac demarco - salad days (apr 1, 2014)

how fitting that chamber of reflection is playing in the coffee shop as i type this :’) this album was the soundtrack to my late grade 12/entire grade 13 experience. i was SO thoroughly and unbearably depressed LOOOOL it was really awful… i’m laughing now thinking back at it but honestly the feeling of being left behind by all of your friends and having to come to terms with not meeting ur own expectations of urself… having to repeat a year and being the oldest one in ur classes…… SO AWFUL!!!! really truly idk how i did it! but the whole time, all year, i would listen to this album. i would always play it on my walk to the city bus (in grade 13 i never made the actual school bus and i don’t even know how much money i must have paid taking the city bus every day bc i truly could not get out of bed early enough to take the free school bus but ALAS……) and i swear to you that entire year was grey and foggy and cold and damp… and i would play salad days (the song itself) and my emo ass would associate 100% with mac singing “oh mama, acting like my life’s already over….. oh dear, act your age and try another year,” and i swear he was singing it just for me, trying to slap me out of my stupor by saying “calm down, ur fine, ur life isn’t over, it’s just one year and you’ll be back on track!” and sometimes, SOMETIMES!! it worked!

 azealia banks - broke with expensive taste (nov 7, 2014)

i know i know..... i’m aware how we feel about azealia now....... and i know how overstated it is when ppl say “she may be problematic but she was an artistic GENIUS!!!” so i will not add more to the conversation but....... is this album not pristine? like what a masterpiece????? this album straight up defined my highschool experience even tho it was released at the beginning of grade 12..... all of grade 12/13 i was blasting this album while walking down the hallway hating literally everything! i grew up idolizing my bro and all he listened to (techno/house/etc) and loving it but being too embarrassed of copying him to get too into it, but then hearing azealia sound cute and sexy and scary while interpolating all these house beats. LITERALLY chicken soup for the soul… it felt like she made it just for me!! and even before bwet actually dropped, listening to 212 and all of her other singles waiting for her to finally drop the album she was tweeting about for years, like i don’t remember the last time i anticipated an album for soooo long? and she dropped it days after my 17th bday which really was such a perfect gift. listening to this w my friend who also loved azealia, pretending we were cool as SHIT and so grown up...... beyond influential

 frank ocean - blonde (aug 20, 2016)

ur lying if this album wasn’t a pivotal moment for u......... blonde is the sole reason summer 16 is viewed as a cultural landmark. i SWEAR!!!! i may have spent 8 hours a day on tumblr in 2016 but my ass was NOT cool enough to have been listening to frank ocean prior to blonde..... no i never listened to channel orange before this, yes i know i was behind the times! 2016 was the summer after my 1st year of uni, august i had just finished my summer school course so my summer was just starting (i was re-taking 1st year math bc i failed..... some things never change huh!!!! lied to my dad and told him i was tryna get ahead by taking bio in summer school... he believed me till he caught me in a lie by chatting w my friend he bumped into at walmart LOL.... and yet he never said a word :’) an angel) this was also the summer my dad left for a few months to go travelling across canada, he was gone all summer and my bro was busy working and so was my mom and i had the car all to myself for the first time. went on SOOO many drives this summer blasting this album. not to mention that since my dad wasn’t home the responsibility to drive my mom to work fell on me and wow i LOVED it? i realized i love having little responsibilities and having ppl rely on me in little ways like this..... i loved going to bed at 3am and having my mom gently wake me up at 5:30am, having a coffee with her before leaving in my ratty pajamas to drive her to work, the sun was just rising but it was already sooo hot, that summer i remember i couldn’t even hold the steering wheel cuz it was burning and my car didn’t (still doesn’t!) have AC, i’d drop her off to work up on the mountain and as i drove down the escarpment i would roll down the windows and blast pink + white right as the sun began to peek over the clouds and i would take a pretty sunrise pic every time before driving around for a bit, listening to this album, going home, and going back to sleep till 2pm

 blood orange - negro swan (aug 24, 2018)

i fully expected this list to be mainly albums released earlier in the decade, which makes sense – they would’ve had more time to have an effect on me – but as the final/most recent entry on my list, this album was beautiful enough to be a consistent part of the most recent year-and-a-half of my life!!! it’s also unique in that it’s one of the only albums on this list, i think, where i had already been a big fan of the artist’s previous work and was waiting for the album to drop. not 2 sound like one of THOSE people but i often find myself liking the first albums i heard from an artist/their older music better than newer work they release (not always!!! but often!), not from any kind of elitism or anything but honestly probably just nostalgia fogging my taste? especially for my first listen of a new album – it usually takes some time and a few re-listens before i really enjoy a newer release – BUT! from the moment dev released the album cover (which is so beautiful? one of my fav album covers off the top of my head) and dropped the first 2 singles, ESPECIALLY charcoal baby, i was so so enamoured with the album, right from the start. that whole summer i had it on repeat – early the next year i saw dev play in Toronto, and it was one of the best concerts i’ve ever been to – the lighting and colours and his dancing and demeanour, the other vocalists, plus we were right up at the stage, it was so stunning!!!!! this album has consistently appeared on all of my various spotify playlists, it rly can suit all moods and occasions, i love it very much and it’s the perfect album to round out my past decade in music!

 honourable mentions: SPEED ROUND

yes i’m a CHILD that cannot commit to cutting things down...... but tbh i’m surprised enough that i was able to preen my list into a top 10 anyway. so these r the honourable mentions that i couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t mention in some way!!!! all also very good and important and special to me, in no particular order!

mount kimbie - love what survives: i won’t lie this one hurt to not include on my top 10 :( i’m surprised too.... my friend rly fought for this to be included but i had to listen to my heart!!! however ofc i HAD to include it here at the very least. i was so shocked when it dropped, it was nothing like the rest of mount kimbie’s stuff i had previously heard.... i discovered them randomly when i was studying and spotify did that annoying thing where it plays “artist radio” or whatever so one of their older songs came on shuffle and WOW it was so good! and then i properly listened to them after hearing their songs with king krule... anyway this album is stunning and i am SO sad i didn’t get to see them when they came to toronto but i promise myself (and u!) that i will go the next time they come by!!!! u have my word!

foals - holy fire: this one also hurts a lot to not include :((( a LOT a lot! this one i’m really fond of, my fav foals album and one of the main albums i associate with highschool! so pretty, i’ll never forget hearing holy fire (the song itself) for the first time, so angry and satisfying and GOOD!!!

king krule - 6ft beneath the moon/the ooz: love both these albums soooo so much, i think 6fbtm came closer to almost being in the top 10 but others had it beat juuust slightly - these albums defined the beginning/end of my uni career, respectively, and i’ll cherish them forever! love archie’s ugly ginger ass with my whole heart

james blake - the colour in anything: was such a fan of james and was so excited when this album dropped - it was the start of summer i think? and i would always play it when i went for bike rides to the beach with my dad! such pretty music to drive ur bike to beside the water, all the way down the waterfront until we got to the next city over, riding past all the rich ppl’s mansions and trying to sneak a glance into their windows as we rode by

beyonce - self-titled: obviously the day this dropped - w no promo whatsoever - was a critical moment in music history!! we played this obsessively in high school, blasted this album the entire Europe trip in grade 12 and it just reminds me of travelling and planes and France…. so sexy!

solange - a seat at the table: rly truly a gorgeous album!! we played this in the car when my friends and i trekked to Toronto early one fall morning right after it dropped, we skipped school to go to some event at a café, and we had to wake up DUMB early, like 4:30AM, and i went to go pick them up and we were all way too tired to talk to eachother and stressed cuz we absolutely COULDN’T miss the train so i played this album the whole drive there while the sun was rising and it was so calming and pretty and special

[windywordz]

Fleeing From A Crushing Defeat

Fandom: Final Fantasy XV

Relationships: N/A

Rating: [T] Teen

Word Count: 1971

Tags: mild depictions of violence/injury/blood, major character injury, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

Summary: It was supposed to be a simple daemon-slaying hunt, but they got a little more than they signed up for.

-Read under the cut-

Daemon-hunting was probably his least favorite job, and that was mainly because it cut into his sleeping schedule. Still, it paid well to cut down foes normal Hunters wouldn't dare leave town to slay, even if it did mean pulling an all-nighter. They had already been at it for a few hours, and were nearing their assigned quota, but things were seldom easy for them and the Six only knew this was no exception.

Just as they were finishing up the last group of Imps, Noctis heard a rumbling that seemed out of place. It shook the ground where they stood, making Gladiolus stumble in his landing as he delivered a finishing blow.

“Woah!” Prompto chirped, waving his arms to try and keep his balance, guns still in his hands. “Uh, please tell me that's not some, like, boss-level monster or something!”

“This isn't King's Knight, Prompto,” Gladiolus replied gruffly, even as he readjusted his greatsword in his hands to attack again should he need to.

“Indeed. This doesn't feel like your run-of-the-mill daemon,” Ignis added, circling himself to scan the area. “We must be ready for-" He was cut off as a disturbingly familiar gurgling noise erupted to their left, just behind Noctis, who whipped around to see a giant, red-skinned hand reach right out of the ground.

There was no time to react, not even for Noctis to phase out of the way. He felt huge, meaty fingers close over his body, pinning his arms to his sides and crushing the air from his lungs. He tried to call out, but only a strangled gasp escaped his mouth, and even that was cut off as the daemon fully climbed out of the inky hell-portal and tightened its grip on his body until he was sure he would pop.

Something wet trailed down his cheeks and his jaw, dribbled over his lips that stretched in a silent scream, and the metallic tang of blood filled his mouth. He could hear his own bones crunching together under the pressure. Someone was screaming his name, but he couldn't see who through the entire galaxy of light spots that filled his vision.

And just like that, it was over. The pressure was completely released, huge fingers uncoiled from around him, and - strangely enough - a pleasant breeze swept over his limp body. Then he hit something hard and solid with enough force to finally release the scream he'd had forcibly choked back, before darkness took him like the heavy heave of an ocean wave.

~*~

When Prompto saw the blood start leaking out of every orifice Noctis had, his entire body froze. When he saw his best friend flung to the side like an empty sack of potatoes and slam into a rock wall with a crushing blow, he swore his heart stopped beating. And when the absolutely monstrous Red Giant turned its attention on him, Prompto could only send a silent prayer to the Six for a cleaner end.

He watched in almost slow-motion as the daemon raised its sword to slash down at him. He couldn't move, every limb shaking in horror of what he’d just witnessed, and what was no doubt going to be a similar end for himself. But when the flaming blade came down, it crashed into the ground, victimless. A heavy weight barreled into Prompto’s side, sending him and his savior rolling into the mud, where the blond lay dazed.

“Prompto!” Gladiolus’s face appeared over him, teeth bared and voice loud, tinged with panic. “Wake up!” A jolt went through his body as the larger man picked him up and put him on his shaking legs. “Do you want to die?”

“Gladio! Assistance!” Ignis called from where he was throwing his daggers at the beast to grab its attention from them.

“Go check on Noct,” Gladiolus hissed, partially shoving him towards where the other lay slumped against the ground, unmoving. He quickly gave Prompto a phoenix down and shoved him again, “Go! Get him out of here! We’ll meet you at the car.”

He didn't know if it was the sickening worry in the dark-haired man's eyes that had Prompto snapping out of his stupor, or his best friend's name. Either way, he swallowed thickly and nodded once, stumbling over to where Noctis still lay, crumpled and bleeding.

Noctis was so still that at first, Prompto couldn't even tell if he was breathing until he leaned down and put an ear to his chest. A distant thud hit his ear, heavy and slow - too slow - but it was there. He quickly scanned his eyes over Noctis’s body, fingers trailing as he went. He knew how to check for breaks and fractures; Ignis had taught him that much. He checked everything, just to be sure, but nothing seemed broken. He took a quiet breath before sliding the iridescent feather into the pale males hand, watching as it burst into a shower of embers that wrapped Noctis’ body in a veil of green.

He waited a moment or two.

...Or three.

Then the other stuttered to gasp a deeper breath, body twitching as his brain struggled to regain consciousness.

“Noct?” Prompto said too quickly, leaning over the others still-bloody face. He gave the ravenet’s cheek a few paps, voice shaky with a strained laugh, “C’mon buddy, wake up for me, yeah?” His only response was a soft groan before Noctis was slowly cracking open his eyes.

Dark pools of blue that seemed pitch black in the darkness squinted up at him, “Prom?”

“Yeah man, it’s me.” The sounds of battle behind him brought him back to the present moment, and he quickly brushed his still-trembling fingertips through Noctis’s bangs. “Do you think you can stand? We have to get out of here while the others are distracting the daemon.”

Noctis was still very disoriented, but he nodded, and Prompto helped him back on his feet. He let Noctis lean on him, shuffling into the trees where they’d be too dense for the daemon to follow them.

“What about Specs an' Glad?” Noctis half-slurred from where he was pressed against Prompto’s side.

The other pulled in the corner of his lips a bit, before pinching them up in a smile, “They’ll be fine! They were just distracting it so we could get away. They’ll be behind us in a bit, you’ll see.” Noctis mumbled something Prompto couldn’t catch but he let it go, and they made their way slowly through the trees.

Prompto prayed to every deity he could think of to keep the daemons away until they got to the car. It still sat on the edge of the road, pulled a bit onto the grass next to the forest line to keep it out of traffic. The blond nearly sighed in relief when he saw it, and he tried to hurry his friend along as best he could.

He shifted until he could awkwardly slip his fingers around the handle enough to open it, practically hoisting Noctis’s entire body weight around so he could open it fully and slide him carefully inside.

“There, we’ll wait here for Gladio and Iggy, alright?” Prompto said, smoothing over Noctis’s hair again. He watched a shiver roll over the other male, Noctis’s features scrunching up in displeasure before he managed to grab onto the hem of Prompto’s vest.

“‘M cold,” he mumbled, eyes drooping tiredly.

The blond’s eyes widened and he dropped his hand to take Noctis’s in his own, “Here, uh, sharing body heat should help. Scooch over.”

Prompto helped Noctis move into the middle of the seat as he slid in and closed the door behind with a soft thud. He gathered Noctis to him, wrapping his arms around the other, not caring if the blood from his face got smeared into his vest. Clothes could always be washed and replaced, but there was only one Noctis and he needed this right now. The ravenet shivered against him, curling towards the source of heat as he snaked his arms around Prompto’s torso.

The younger boy lost track of time, sitting there humming something soft he heard on the radio every so often, fingers leaving visible waves in Noctis’ messy hair as he tried to comb out the mud and grass. It wasn’t until he saw a pair of small lights heading towards them, flickering as their owners ran, did he finally release a sigh of relief.

Gladiolus was the first into the car, opening his side door and leaning down to peek in. He was sweaty and covered in dirt, his face pinched tightly in worry as the chill of the night air exposed the rapid puffs escaping his lips, but he was unharmed, praise the Six. His eyes gave Prompto and Noctis a once-over, which seemed to be enough to marginally relax his scrunched brow.

“How’s he doing?” Was the breathless question as he struggled to regain his breathing. Prompto looked down at Noctis, whose eyes were closed and breathing gentle, but he could feel the steady heartbeat under his fingertips where they lay curled around his neck.

“He’s okay. The ‘down worked just fine and he’s okay.” Prompto marginally cradled him closer to his body, blinking a few times as he did. “Just tired.”

Something in Gladiolus’s eyes softened, but just then Ignis came up behind him, “Are they there?”

The larger man straightened up, turning to the sandy-haired male as he did, “Yeah, they’re good, but we should still get out of here while we can. Noct’s out cold and Prom’s starting to crash.”

“‘M right here,” the blond mumbled into Noctis’s hair, but neither of the others seemed to have heard him.

“Alright, there was a small rest stop with a camper a few miles down the road, if I recall.” Ignis moved over to the driver side door, popping it open, “Shouldn’t be more than ten minutes.”

Gladiolus nodded, leaning back down to peer at Prompto with a much more relaxed expression than before, “Hear that? We’ll be back and safe in a camper before you know it. Why don’t you put Noct in the other seat so we can strap him in?”

Prompto shook his head at that, his arms tightening just so, “I can’t. He said he was cold and he’s still shivering.” Gladiolus furrowed his brow again, looking to Noctis who was, in fact, trembling where he lay coiled against Prompto’s side.

“Alright then, I’ll just sit back here with you and make sure you both don’t move around too much.” He slid in without hesitation, scooching over just so his side was against Noctis’s back, one arm slung over the back of the seat. Ignis was already fastened in the driver's seat, turning the car on with the same familiar, gentle purr she always started with.

A minute down the road, there was a soft pat on his head, and Prompto looked up to see Gladiolus looking at him with a mix of worry and relief, “You did good, Prom. Sorry for being so rough with you before.”

Prompto shook his head gently, “S’okay, it was a bad situation. I froze and you saved me, so it’s fine if I have a few bruises from your crazy manhandling.”

Gladiolus laughed softly at that, “I’ll make up for it later, promise. But right now, you should rest until we get to the camper. Don’t think I didn’t see Noct save you a couple times because you ran out of potions during the fight.” Prompto looked away a bit guiltily at that, but the other didn’t wait for a reply, merely putting soft strokes over the blond’s head.

With the car rumbling around him, and Gladiolus’s hand petting his head, Prompto found his eyes closing and nuzzled against Noctis’s hair before sleep pulled him under.

[ladylaurette]

30 goals all women should achieve by age 30 by Love, Haley

30 goals all women should achieve by age 30As you can probably tell from my photograph, I am not quite thirty. In fact, so long as I'm being honest, I am not even a legal adult just yet (I turn 18 in July). I am, however, old enough to know what kind of woman I'd like to be by the prime age of thirty: self-assured, capable, and successful. My hopeful guess is that many other girls my age, and even most twenty-something women, want the same things as me. What follows is a list of basic goals I'm striving to achieve by age 30 - ones I think you should strive for, too. 1. Pay off your student loans. This is probably wishful thinking on my part, but unless you've been in graduate, medical, or law school, or recently gone back for a new degree, thirty seems late to be making those last few payments. Pay your loans off as early as possible so you can avoid nasty interest rates and evade debt later. 2. Think long and hard about marriage - but ignore others' expectations. By thirty, most single women are probably feeling the pressure from family, friends, and society: "When are you going to get married?" "When will I have grandchildren?" But before she answers anyone else's questions, you should know the answer yourself: Do you really want to get married? It might be my inner child of divorced parents talking, but marriage definitely isn't for everyone. Likewise, you are no less "feminist" or "progressive" for wanting a traditional family. There's no better time than your twenties to decide if marriage just isn't your thing, or if you're looking to put a ring on it. 3. Refer to your vagina by name. In other words, boycott the words "down there." At thirty, you are a grown-ass woman. Shyly pointing to your pelvis won't help the doctor figure out what your problem is. Just spit it out already: IT'S A VAGINA! 4. Know what you can and can't wear to work. Here's what I learned while conducting research for my interview in the Governor's Office: corporate careers, like law, government, and finance, generally require suits or pencil skirts with low hemlines and muted colors, while "business casual" allows for cardigans instead of blazers, bare legs (but still no hems above the knee), and brighter colors. Also, as a general rule, never wear anything so short, small, or sparkly your grandma wouldn't approve of it. 5. Understand your skin type. Last summer, when I got my first facial from Ulta, I basically learned that everything I'd thought about my skin was wrong. To which I basically said "Ok, cool." No woman should have to learn that lesson beyond the age of thirty. If you're rounding the bend and still can't manage your skin woes, have your skin mapped by a dermatologist or cosmetologist. Skin mapping gives you a visual of where your skin is oily and dry, and even helps you target the source of your breakouts (mine are hormonal, in case you were wondering). 6. Quit dieting. When I first learned about intuitive eating, I was a 16-year-old girl struggling to overcome a severely damaged relationship with food and some borderline anorexic habits. In case you haven't heard of it, intuitive eating is - quite simply - eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full. Deciding to combat the cycle of yo-yo dieting - i.e. lose weight, gain it back, rinse, repeat - and to instead trust my body's natural instincts was quite possibly the most important decision I ever made. Yes, I still eat way too much Annie's mac 'n' cheese, and I definitely still binge on ice cream when I'm PMSing (sometimes I even feel guilty about it), but now that no food is "off-limits" to me, I've also learned what it feels like to crave healthy foods like veggie sticks and oatmeal....weird, right? 7. Practice self-care. It's a lesson all women need to learn: taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It makes you a more complete person, because you are able to address your most basically needs that might not be met. For example, are you sleeping enough? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating three meals a day? Start with these basics before moving on to more complex needs, such as feeling safe, comfortable, important, and loved. 8. See a therapist. I have a friend who - much like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow - swears that everyone should try therapy, and I have to agree. You don't need to be mentally ill to benefit from therapy. While I haven't been to therapy since childhood, I fully plan on going again before I get married, because I know there are issues related to my parents' divorce that I need to work through before I can have a truly healthy relationship. You don't have to like it once you try it, but you do have to realize that some problems are simply too big for you to solve on your own - and if therapy's too expensive for you, know that there are plenty of free mental health resources that anyone can take advantage of. 9. Learn how and when to say no - and then actually do it. "No" is in every woman's vocabulary - for example, when my conservative friend asks if I'll be voting Republican in the next election. But how often do we say no to our friends, who want to go out drinking for the third time this week when all we want to do is watch Netflix in pajamas? Or to our bosses, who want us to finish four critical projects by the end of next week and still have the nerve to ask if we'd be willing to take on a fifth? We women feel responsible for taking care of everything and everyone; it's our natural, biological instinct to put on everyone else's oxygen mask before tending to our own. But know this: it is not your job to protect everyone else's feelings from being hurt. Once you turn thirty, it's about time you put on your own damn mask first - before it really does become a life or death situation. 10. Find a cause you care about. By thirty, you've finally pushed past the grueling years of school-stipulated community service in high school and college. Thus, in adulthood, volunteering is more rewarding than ever because it is, finally, 100% voluntary. So, take it upon yourself to explore the causes you're passionate about. Once you've found that cause - whether it's lobbying for cruelty-free cosmetics or building houses with Habitat for Humanity - stick with it for a lifetime of fulfillment. 11. Start speaking candidly about sex. The most perfect time to start being honest about your wants and needs during sex is the first time you have it. Nevertheless, being straightforward is difficult for most normal, caring human beings (and if it's not hard for you, then kudos for being more badass but no less loving than the rest of us). After all, you don't want to be needy. You don't want your complaints to interfere with your partner's pleasure. You don't want to "kill the mood" - although suffering through discomfort and even pain just to save a little awkwardness pretty much does the trick in that category. But trust me, sex is better for everyone involved when both people are honest about their feelings. Don't just speak up - don't be afraid to ask your partner how he or she or xe is doing, too. 12. Save for retirement. You are given a 401K for a reason. It's your responsibility to use it. And, in case you were wondering - which I know I have been, considering I'm only 17 - your 401K is a workplace savings plan that allows you to invest part of your paycheck for retirement, without subjecting it to taxes. Also important to know: the recommended savings rate is about 10% of your income, meaning anything above that is stellar. (Another finance lesson I learned today: the difference between subsidized and unsubsidized loans. Who knew, right?!) 13. Take a multivitamin.... Which reminds me, I haven't taken mine yet today. BRB. 14. Accept all compliments without qualifying them. Stop saying "Thanks, but..." whenever someone tells you how pretty or smart you are. You're a gorgeous, badass genius. Please recognize yourself as such. 15. Say "I love you" as often as possible. Simply put, you never know when it might be the last time. Call your parents to say it, and especially your grandparents, if you're lucky enough to have them. 16. Wear less makeup, less often. #iwokeuplikethis shouldn't be specially reserved for celebrities who have paid for thousands of dollars in plastic surgery and skin-care treatments. All women should feel comfortable enough in their own skin not only to post a makeup-free selfie, but also to walk around unencumbered by greasy foundation and clumps of mascara hanging in their eyes in their day-to-day lives. If applying professional-quality makeup every day is your jam, you do you. But don't let society's unreasonable standards make you feel obliged to cake on the blush when you're really not feeling it. 17. Go to the doctor. And the dentist. And the gynecologist. Especially the gyn. The fact that your mom stopped making appointments for you is no excuse to stop going. In general, women need a check-up and a full pelvic exam (that includes a Pap smear) every year, and a dentist appointment every six months. And, on that note, my first visit to the gynecologist is about six years overdue.... 18. Accept your clothing size. Accept that it does not define you, ever. So the size five jeans didn't fit, after all...a word of advice in this situation: "fat" is just a meaningless adjective, not a feeling. Don't try and force them to fit - or worse, starve yourself to squeeze into them. Your size is merely a number that has nothing to do with your self-worth, so don't belittle yourself for going up a size (or over-pride yourself on going down). Your booty will look much better in some comfy size sevens, anyways. 19. Find a workout that doesn't suck. Admittedly, the level of a workout's suckiness is relative. Personally, I hate running, but some people swear it is the be-all end-all and that you haven't truly lived until you've run your first marathon. (Me, on the other hand? I'm more of a "lift weights and kick shit" kind of girl.) However, the important thing isn't how you work out. All that matters is that you do. So, in the wise words of Nike, just do it.   20. Have a will. Where there's a will, there's a way...to provide for your death. Not the most optimistic sentiment, but still important, and still completely necessary - especially if you have already started a family by then. 21. Know how to defend yourself. In my opinion, self-defense classes, along with rape prevention classes, should be mandatory parts of college orientation for both genders. Many colleges do offer the opportunity to take classes like this, and I fully encourage women in particular to take advantage of them. I know I will. But in case you missed your shot in college, know that it is never too late to learn how to defend yourself. At the very least, applying to carry pepper spray - that's right, there's an application now (or in the state of Massachusetts there is) - will offer some extra protection. 22. Vote. Too many elections are swayed not by those who actually vote, but by the vast number of Americans who don't. I've said it once and I'll say it again: you are a grown-ass woman. You can handle watching a debate or two and checking off a box at the polls. Just long as it's not next to the word Trump. 23. Travel alone. Learning to live alone is one of those valuable life lessons learned in college that most adults wouldn't trade for anything. Even more rewarding - or so I hear - is the experience of traveling by oneself. Planning, budgeting, and executing a trip all on your own is a lot of hard work - but it's an important step toward becoming a self-sufficient adult in an unforgiving world. (And, as a sardonic side note, traveling alone as a woman may also be the perfect chance to test out some of your new self-defense skills.) 24. Own a planner - and actually use it. My planner rules my life. The days I forget it at home are days that most people should probably avoid me. While not everyone needs to be as obsessed with their planner as I am, I think every woman would benefit from getting in the habit of writing down assignments (whether at work or school), important appointments, birthdays, etc....especially if it's in a cute Lilly Pulitzer or Kate Spade agenda. 25. Pay attention to the news. Daily. Unless you need to avoid triggering material due to a mental illness like depression, it is absolutely essential to know what's going on in the world at all times. Political affairs can change in the blink of an eye, and you don't want to be the only one at work who doesn't know about the big financial crisis overseas or the latest terrorist attack. I subscribe to theSkimm to get my news in one convenient daily dose. It's delivered straight to my inbox five days a week, it's easy reading, and - best of all - it's completely free. 26. Follow up when networking. I met an amazing professional from the State Street Corporation in Boston at a Girl Scout event this November - and what did I forget to do? The most crucial step of networking of course: I forgot to follow up! (Of course, the irony of the whole situation is that one of the topics of the company's presentation was networking. But that's a story for another time.) By the time I finally got around to building a LinkedIn profile, it seemed awkward for me to try to get in touch. So I still haven't. And now I've learned my lesson. Hopefully you, too, will learn yours before age thirty. 27. Identify your priorities - and edit your life accordingly. "Edit your life" seems like such an obnoxious Hollywood phrase, so I'll explain in layman's terms: if you are twenty-two years old and still taking the piano lessons your parents made you start when you were five, even though you really hate them, my only question to you is: why? 28. Try journaling. I've kept a journal since I was eight years old, and not only has it helped me preserve my memories, but it has also trained me to better write and communicate, and to express my emotions in a safe, constructive way. Knowing that I can reach for my journal whenever I'm sad, mad, or scared is an enormous comfort to me - one that I think every woman should experience by age thirty. 29. Put your phone away when you're with friends. Unfortunately, I come from the generation where "hanging out" means sitting next to friends while scrolling through your individual Pinterest feeds. Fortunately, all it takes to change that is a little bit of will power...good thing I have 12.5 years to master that one! 30. Set reasonable goals. I learned from Girl Scouts that if there's anything all goals should be, it's SMART: in other words, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Saying "I will become a U.S. Senator" probably isn't realistic for a twenty-year-old soon-to-be college graduate - but saying "I will apply to intern with my state Senator by the start of second semester" is. That isn't to say we shouldn't dream big - but in the wise words of Drake, who "started at the bottom/now he here," the path to success starts small and gradually grows over time. Nobody learns to run before they learn to walk - except maybe Amy Poehler. She's so fabulous; I'm pretty sure she ran first.

[easyweight101]

Nature’s Way DIM Plus Review (UPDATED 2017): Don’t Buy Before You Read This!

What is it?

Nature’s Way DIM Plus is a daily supplement that aims to help the body improve its natural ability to absorb estrogen. Nature’s Way DIM Plus may be used to help women deal with symptoms of menopause or perimenopause like hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings and more.

Nature’s Way DIM Plus relies primarily on the active ingredient, diindolymethane (or, DIM), which is found in cruciferous vegetables. DIM is thought to have a unique effect on estrogen metabolism.

Our experts have reviewed several types of women’s health supplements from probiotics to herbal menopause solutions. They have found that Femmetrinol best provides comprehensive relief to menopausal women.

Herbs such as chasteberry, wild yam, black cohosh and damiana join forces to treat hot flashes, vaginal dryness, night sweats, mood swings and fatigue. Click here to see how taking Femmetrinol each day can improve your life during this transitional time.

Top Rated Menopause Supplements of 2017

Do you know the Best Menopause Supplements of 2017?

Nature’s Way DIM Plus Ingredients and Side Effects

Nature’s Way DIM Plus is made with DIM from a variety of vegetable sources, as well as chlorophyll—another key nutrient found in green vegetables. Here’s a look at what users can expect from trying Nature’s Way DIM Plus:

DIM Chlorophyll

 DIM: A substance found in cruciferous vegetables like kale, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower and others, diindolymethane, or DIM is thought to have anti-cancer benefits and anti-inflammatory effects — and may be particularly useful in protecting the body against breast, colorectal and uterine cancers.

Some experts believe that DIM may act like estrogen when ingested, and may increase estrogen metabolism. Additionally, DIM may also have a cooling effect on women during menopause — providing relief from hot flashes.

Not much is known about the link between DIM and menopause, though some users insist its helpful.

Chlorophyll: A green pigment that helps plants absorb light, chrlorophyll is used in the photosynthethis process to help plants create the energy needed to grow.

In humans, chlorophyll works to protect the body against carcinogens and protect our DNA. Chlorophyll is used in a number of juices as a detoxifying ingredient, as it may have a cleansing effect on the liver.

Chlorophyll may also help with metabolism, digestion and even speed up wound healing and protect the skin from environmental damage.

Click here to read our expert guide to dealing with the major symptoms of menopause, naturally.

EDITOR’S TIP: Combine this supplement with a proven menopause pill such as Femmetrinol for better results.

Nature’s Way DIM Plus Quality of Ingredients

There’s no way to argue that Nature’s Way DIM Plus doesn’t come along with some powerful health benefits. Pretty much anyone can benefit from a high dose of the stuff that literally makes vegetables worth consuming — anti-cancer effects, combined with the potential to reduce inflammation — users of all ages should try to get more DIM into their diets.

However, we’re not totally sold on the idea that DIM, as a standalone ingredient can do all the heavy lifting reducing menopause symptoms may require.

This product clearly is safe and full of nutrients, but women with severe symptoms like frequent hot flashes or who are having trouble sleeping due to night sweats or anxiety may want to consider also using a product aimed at balancing hormone ratios (by adding more), rather than just improving the estrogen uptake.

Our guide to the menopause pills to help you start feeling like yourself again — click here to find the perfect supplement.

The Price and Quality of Nature’s Way DIM Plus

Nature’s Way DIM Plus is not offered on the Nature’s Way website, as this site functions as a third-party distributor rather than an e-commerce platform. This brand is very well-known and can be found in a number of grocery and drug stores, as well as on e-commerce sites like iHerb, Amazon and more.

This supplement comes in a few different sizes, a 60-count bottle, equal to a one-month supply, as well as a 120-count bottle. Price varies depending on the seller, but the MSRP for the larger bottle is $41.99, but iHerb sells it for $26.04, and Amazon is offering the same size for even less — $21.32.

This product is priced fairly when stacked up against other products that target menopausal women, but based on the fact that it only contains DIM and chlorophyll as active ingredients, users may end up pay more than is necessary. DIM supplements can easily be found for less than $10 for a one-month supply.

Click here to take a look at our extensive review archive and discover the menopause solution that works best for you.

Business of Nature’s Way DIM Plus

Nature’s Way DIM Plus is made by natural supplements company, Nature’s Way. Here is the contact information posted on the company webpage:

Phone: 1-800-688-3303

Address: Nature’s Way Products, Inc. Customer Service Department 825 Challenger Drive Green Bay, WI 54311

Nature’s Way is a company that makes a variety of natural ingredient-focused supplements. They’ve been around since 1968 and are non-GMO certified.

We like the overall tone of the website. It’s clear that Nature’s Way, despite being a large company with products in major chains across the country, present this real commitment to transparency, sustainability and more.

Based on the quality of the website, combined with the fact that Nature’s Way is one of the most recognizable supplement manufacturers currently operating in the wellness space, Nature’s Way DIM Plus is likely a high quality product—we’re just not completely sold on whether or not it’s the best option for menopausal women.

Customer Opinions of Nature’s Way DIM Plus

Nature’s Way DIM Plus has mostly positive reviews posted by past users who felt that this product was high quality and effective. Here’s a look at some of the comments people left online:

“I have noticed that this product has helped me deal with mood swings. The thing is, the week you’re supposed to stop taking this, I turn into a total monster — don’t know what to do during that time.”

“This product has cleared up my skin, after years and years of hormonal acne, and to a lesser extent, it’s helped balance out my moods during PMS. I’m now experiencing less pain during my periods, too!”

“Have seen the doctor several times in the past few years or so, blood work always comes back normal, but I felt like something was off with my adrenal system. Ordered this product and am feeling good.”

“Nature’s Way DIM Plus has helped me get my cervical health back in check. I’ve found that using this product has helped me have regular pap smears, whereas in the past, they’ve had pre-cancerous cells.”

Nature’s Way DIM Plus does not appear to be widely reviewed by the menopausal set, but it seems to have helped women in all age groups deal with ongoing concerns like acne, hormonal issues and more.

It seems this product may be effective for some hormonal issues, and may also have some great anti-cancer benefits. Unfortunately, we’re not entirely sure how this product will have any meaningful effect on menopause symptoms, if taken daily.

Based on this information, we wouldn’t recommend this product on its own for those in need of menopause relief, but it may well be a good supplement to a product that addresses hormone balance and more.

Click here to take a closer look at the menopause supplements reviewers found most effective.

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Conclusion – Does Nature’s Way DIM Plus Work?

Nature’s Way DIM Plus does appear to be a good product, made by a company with a good reputation. There’s no reason not to use this product, unless your main concern is the price.

Nature’s Way DIM Plus isn’t necessarily an expensive product, but it’s likely not strong enough on its own for any meaningful menopause relief, and women experiencing bothersome symptoms like hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats, may need to incorporate yet another product into their routines.

The reviews for Nature’s Way DIM Plus were largely positive, and they do suggest that DIM could have an impact on hormones. The problem is, DIM doesn’t actually contain any plant-based estrogens or progesterones, it just has an effect on the body’s ability to absorb the aforementioned female sex hormones. Yet, it’s hard to argue against taking a supplement that may have such strong anti-cancer benefits.

In short, users may appreciate the added nutrients that Nature’s Way DIM Plus can provide, but users should keep in mind, the main benefits associated with its use are preventative — and likely won’t provide relief from any existing symptoms.

In looking over several different types of menopause solutions, our experts have learned that Femmetrinol is hands down, the most effective solution on today’s market. Women who take this supplement daily will receive a long list of benefits like hot flash and night sweat relief, as well as an increase in energy levels and sexual desire.

The makers of Femmetrinol follow the best sourcing, testing and production methods in an effort to protect consumer safety, while providing users with an effective product. Click here for an up-close look at the story behind Femmetrinol.

from Easy Weight Loss 101 http://ift.tt/2t99ihl via The Best Weight Loss Diet In The World