#but she’s just now set me doing this Other Thing that she didn’t properly explain before she goes on holiday for a week

[exopelagic]

I have been in this city for ONE WEEK and I’m ready to leave forever

[cosmos-coma]

My Sun, My Star- Part 3

A/N: I feel like I’ve been writing and editing this forever but I think I’m finally done! I had a lot of requests for the Winter Soldier meeting his baby and so here we are! Besides a small epilogue this will probably be the last direct chapter of My Sun, My Star. Hope you’ve enjoyed!

Pairing: Bucky X Reader / Winter soldier!Bucky x Reader

Words: 4996

Warnings: Blood, fear of kidnapping/death, threats of violence, swearing, pregnancy/labor/birth, GN reader (no pronouns), but pregnant reader, blood, canon-level violence, rare use of Y/n (let me know if I missed things)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist

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________

“And you promise this is safe?” Bucky asked tentatively, his brow drawn together as he frowned in concern. His arms would have been crossed tight across his chest had one hand not been occupied holding yours. 

“It’s the safest thing anyone could do,” Maria assured him from across the table, “it should only take about 40 minutes. We just need someone to make sure everything is set up properly in the safe house. There's some light cleaning and we need to make sure that the locks are good, the thermostat works, and the signal jammers are functional” she explained at length. 

Today they were receiving a low-tier HYDRA agent that had recently defected. Fearing for his and his partner's life they sought refuge with what remained of SHEILD, promising to spill whatever secrets he needed to keep them safe. However, in the off chance it was all a ruse, they set up signal jammers so there’d be no chance of the agent alerting HYDRA or anyone else that may compromise the location.

“If it helps we can even keep the house under surveillance just in case. There’s plenty of cameras on the surrounding houses we can use to keep an eye out,” Maria continued, looking across the table to you this time.

You rubbed your enlarged belly, nearly bursting at the seams as you were due just a few days from now. Bucky had been the perfect companion while you were stuck at home, getting you anything you could possibly need, making sure you didn’t tip over, and keeping you entertained while you were mostly couch and bed-bound. 

But now you were bored out of your mind, beyond tired of sitting on the couch at home all day and night, so why wouldn’t you take an easy job and the bit of money that goes with it? You can waddle around for a while to check some things out. You might be a little slow, but it couldn’t be more than an hour at most. What’s the harm in that?

 “I’d love to, when do I start?” 

Bucky did not have a good feeling about this.

____

It started as any other day; fairly quiet and mundane, and although it would be boring to anyone else, you were just happy to see something other than the inside of your apartment. You pulled the car to a stop in the driveway, looking up at the nice yet bland little house that sat before you. It was a good-looking neighborhood just an hour outside of the city, with decently spaced houses and gardens dotting the lawns here and there. And if you were anybody else it’d be your perfect suburban dream.

After a brief moment of struggling to squish your belly past the steering wheel you finally managed to hobble out, “Ha ha! See? Pregnancy isn’t so hard… I make this look easy,” you boasted to yourself with a grand smile as you stepped out of the car. You took a moment to dig your knuckles into your lower back as you exited, trying to chase away the pain you felt. It had started aching something awful on your way out here, cresting and falling in small waves, but it was nothing you couldn’t work around. You’d lay down eventually and you're sure it would right itself in no time.

You waved to the cameras pleasantly as you walked to the front door, clicking the key into the lock and punching in the ever-changing security code Maria gave you. Unlocking with a lighthearted mechanical chirp you stepped inside and looked around.

It was pretty bare bones; just the basic necessities- food, water, a couple of games, and a shelf of books to pass the time with. Curtains were drawn tight over the windows, keeping the place veiled in shadowy darkness and prying eyes out as you took your first few steps in. Closing the door behind you with a soft click you pulled out your phone to text Maria.

‘Testing testing 123,’ you sent, pausing a moment before giving a satisfactory nod as it refused to go through. The jammers seemed to be working just fine. 

Bucky had been thoroughly against it when he heard there’d be signal jammers; he did not want you anywhere you couldn’t contact him with your due date so soon. But Maria assured him (as much as she could) that you’d still be able to call if needed- and vice versa- but that you’d have to use the tapped landline hanging inside the kitchen. 

You hummed softly as you went about your work, ignoring the discomfort that ran down your back and stomach as you moved. You were just about halfway through your list when you felt your belly begin to quake, “Ohhh, hey. Okay, I know you probably wanna sit down, but we’ve barely started,” You winced as you rubbed your stretched-out skin, only to be met with a sharp kick. 

“Ow! Okay! okay, maybe 5 minutes on the couch first…,” You held both your back and your stomach as you waddled toward the couch slowly, surely looking like quite the sight had anyone been around to see it. 

Clink clink clink

You paused as you heard the front door jiggle. 

No one was supposed to be here for hours yet.

It jiggled again, and this time you heard the voices of several people standing outside. 

“There’s a car outside, he’s got to be here” you barely made out as the first voice mumbled, “if not him, then his partner- And I won’t be going back empty-handed,” another chimed in.

“We’ll find a way to keep him silent. Whether with his blood or theirs.”

Your stomach dropped.

They must’ve been HYDRA agents. Were they here for the defector? How on earth did they find this place? 

But there was no time to think as the landline rang loudly from the kitchen. Wincing, you prayed to anyone who would listen that they wouldn’t hear it- but no such luck.

The door rattled again, violently this time, and was followed by mumbled threats to an agent you had never met.

Panic coursed through your body as you waddled quickly through the house, head turning this way and that as you searched desperately for a place to hide. 

‘Can’t fit under the bed, the bathroom is too obvious, the kitchen is too open, I can’t go outside, and I can’t fight my way out…’ Your brain ran through endless possibilities, unhappy with each one as you clutched your stomach.

Pew pew

You recognized the sound of muffled gunshots immediately, they were quieted by a silencer- a terrifying thought- but you recognized them all the same as they shot through the security pad outside the door. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” you cursed as you bolted toward your last choice, darting into the closest bedroom and tucking yourself behind the closet’s sliding doors, pulling them closed with a swift slam just as the front door busted in. 

‘Deep breaths… Deep breaths…,’ You tried to slow your frantic breathing as footsteps entered the otherwise silent house. You desperately wished there were clothes, anything, in this closet you could hide beneath but it was as bare as the rest of the house. Sitting down, you curled into the furthest corner of the closet you could, forcing your heavy breaths into silence as you raked your brain for any solution you could.

‘Ah! My phone!! I can text for help!’ You scrambled to pull your phone from your pocket and quickly typed out a message to Bucky. Hopefully, he’d alert the others and be the first to come to your rescue. 

“No, no, no, no…” you groaned quietly, “Why isn’t it sending?” You shook your phone angrily as it continued to refuse you and sighed in defeat when you finally remembered the jammers set up throughout the house. Your only hope now was the landline in the kitchen….

“Spread out,” the HYDRA leader commanded as he made his way into the house, picking up your bag that you so carelessly left out, “Find whoever’s here, and do whatever you need to bring them in. As long as they’re breathing, I don’t care how they come back,” He ordered, several pairs of feet breaking away immediately to search through the house. 

You pulled your knees as close to your chest as you could, tears prickling your eyes as you tried to think of a way out. You weren’t even sure when the tears started to run, your mind growing numb as you thought of bad ending after bad ending. Doors slammed on the floor above you, making you flinch as you knew that at any moment it could be yours. You were trapped

But you had to be calm- Bucky would want you to remain calm. You could think of a way out, you knew you could, you just needed to take a deep breath. What would Bucky tell you to do? 

 You had just managed to get yourself somewhat calm again when a sudden wetness took over your lower half. Panic set in again as you scrambled to see over your ballooned belly, fearfully wishing this wasn’t what you thought it was. But as an even worse pain tore through you, like knives jabbing into your pelvis, you knew you weren’t mistaken. 

Your water just broke.

——-

Technicians clacked away at their keyboards with lightning speed as Maria Hill entered the room. They had called her not too long ago, alerting her of an urgent matter- but even she couldn’t have guessed what this was about. 

“There’s been a security breach…” the head technician announced as she flicked across their various screens to show her. “They weren’t subtle about it, I’m not sure if they wanted us to know or if they just didn’t care, but-“ 

“What did they take?” Maria interrupted, trying to get to the point.

“That’s the thing… they bypassed all our important files, the only file they actually opened was the one containing the safe house addresses…” she looked up at Hill with an expression that could only be described as nauseous, “We tried calling Y/n, but there was no answer…,” she bit her lip as she finished, even she obviously expected the worst.

Maria’s jaw clenched. She knew Barnes was going to kill her as soon as he found out, but she couldn’t just keep it from him either- “Pull up the security footage of house #6… now. Right now….” Her pen clicked nervously in her hand as she waited for it to come up, her stomach dropping as she saw a dark SUV in the driveway, the front door left partially open, and the security panel completely down. 

“Rewind it…” she ordered, clicking her pen faster and- “Shit. This is…. Not ideal…” Maria said, obviously trying to keep her voice level and professional. 

She stood behind her technicians, watching the back-tracked security film play the video of trained agents pulling up to the safe house and shooting in the door. 

“Alert the team… I need to make a call.” 

She slowed the clicking of her pen as the phone rang, barely getting out one full ring before it was immediately answered.

“Where do I need to be?” His voice was low, anger barely being held back on its tight leash. He already expected the worst and unfortunately, this time he was right.

“Sargeant Barnes, we have a situation... I’m sending you the address now.”

————

Horns blared as Bucky swerved onto the shoulder, speeding past traffic as he made his way to the safe house. His knuckles were a ghastly white as he gripped the steering wheel like a vice, the creaking of steel beneath his hands the only thing keeping him connected to the present.

He should have never let Maria talk you into it, or at the very least he should have been there to help you. 

“Sergeant Barnes, we have a situation… I’m sending you the address now” Maria said.

“What kind of situation…?” His voice had been deathly low, barely restraining the anger it held. He made a beeline for the car as soon as he saw Maria’s name flash on the screen. He’d had his phone in hand all morning just for this exact scenario.

He could hear her frown through the phone and his skin burned with worrisome anger as she spoke, “HYDRA’s broken into the safe house… we’ve tried to contact Y/n but there was no answer. They’re still there, no one has left, and as far as we know there’s been no shots fired besides at the front door.”

He nodded curtly as he hung up, putting the car into gear and peeling out of the lot with a roaring screech of his tires. He couldn’t count the number of laws he broke as he tore through the city’s endless streets racing against an invisible clock.

Out of nowhere his arm jerked to the side, pulling him from his thoughts as he narrowly missed a stopped car before him. Stunned breaths caught in his chest as he realized what a close call it was, literally inches from disaster. 

His body had acted without thinking, moving almost like it had a mind of its own… it was only when the back of his mind began to itch and squirm did he know why. 

 “Shit...” he sighed. The Winter Soldier must’ve sensed what was going on, digging himself toward the forefront of Bucky’s mind to take over. Bucky was still in control for now, but he wasn’t sure how much longer it would last.

“I guess I owe you a thanks,” he begrudgingly mumbled to himself, focusing once more on the road ahead. He was just 25 minutes out and he prayed he’d get there in time.

Continuing down the road he shifted uncomfortably; the Winter Soldier’s presence didn’t fade, but it didn’t press any further either. It was almost like he was… waiting for permission? 

Bucky shook his head. 23 minutes out.

He knew you trusted the assassin, and after watching the videos of your last interaction he… trusted him too- to a point. But even with this iota of trust, his instincts still had him hesitating to relinquish control. What if it didn’t have a happy ending this time? What if he went too far? What if he couldn’t come back…?  The fear had been ingrained in him so long ago that he wasn’t sure he could ever fully give it up. 

But he may not have a choice anymore. If what Hill said was right then there were at least 6 agents waiting for him and he was completely unarmed. There was only one person he knew that could bring both of you out in one piece…

“Fuck,” Bucky swore. He knew what he had to do. Speeding passed the last car in his way, he pulled out into the empty straight-away before him. Bright blue eyes stared back at him through the rear-view mirror as he sighed, “Don’t make me regret this…” 

Pain rippled through his skull, ringing as if his head was stuck inside a church bell. Haze crept into his sight as the edges of his vision blurred and he let himself fully slide into the backseat of his consciousness. His shoulders shifted slowly, rolling as he gripped the steering wheel even tighter. The soft material caved under his metal fingers with a wretched creak, leaving ripples in the leather-covered metal. 

As the cloud of pain finally passed, burning away like early morning fog, he pulled the rear-view mirror down. A familiar dark aura surrounded his gaze as he watched himself, trained and sharp as he nodded to his reflection. 

He wasn’t Bucky anymore.

“Вы не будете [you won’t].” 

————

“No no no no…. Not right now, please. Anything, but this-“ you paused your mumbling as footsteps passed right in front of the room, “-Okay maybe not anything, but still….” 

You held your breath, tensing as another contraction passed through you and you willed yourself not to make a sound, but it was getting harder and harder each time. It dawned on you that you must have been having contractions this whole time. That pain in your back when you started driving down, the quaking of your belly, it was all a part of your labor- you just didn’t realize until your water finally broke.

Tears flowed freely from your eyes, not at the pain but at the horror of your situation; There was no way to get out without being seen, you were far too slow for that in your current state and you were bound to be bagged and shoved in a van as soon as they caught you. However, you couldn’t wait and hope to give birth in this closet either; the moment she comes out she’s going to be a screaming mess and then you’ll both be in a vulnerable state.

‘Where is Bucky…?’ You thought as tears clouded your vision, your fingers redialing him from memory alone even if you knew it would never go through, ‘please, please… I have to do something…’

You dug the heels of your palms into your eyes as you furiously rubbed the tears away, again trying to remain calm. ‘Okay, think… think… maybe I can slip out through the window…? If I’m quiet enough maybe I can take my time with it?’ You thought as you peeked through the slats in the closet doors. 

You hoped that the windows wouldn’t be locked as you looked down at your phone again, trying to time out your contractions, ‘Okay…. After the next one hits we’ll just make a break for the window.. that should be more than enough time to get myself out, right? Thank god I hid on the first floor.’

You waited until your next contraction hit, biting down on your lip to keep yourself quiet. You breathed furiously through your nose to try to keep your composure and began to taste iron as blood spilled into your mouth.  But you didn’t care- you couldn’t afford to.

“Shit, shit, okay…” you breathed as it finally passed, slowly shifting onto your hands and knees, reaching for the knob when- 

Click

You heard the door to the room click open and footsteps come inside. Quickly covering the gasp that threatened to escape, you eased back down slowly. Fear froze your entire body, you didn’t even realize when you started holding your breath, but you weren’t about to let it go now.

You wasted your time and now you were stuck here; dear god were you gonna die in a closet? This is not how you imagined yourself going. 

Through the slats in the closet doors, you watched the agent check the room, under the bed, under the desk- he had just started to leave when he stopped in front of the closet doors, his feet turning to face you.

Your heart squeezed painfully as every part of you waited with bated breath. You heard his hand fall on the knob. This was it. The moment he opened it he was bound to see you. You had nowhere left to hide. 

You only hoped it would be quick. 

You closed your eyes as you heard the closet door begin to open. You were sure you had been seen until- 

“Hm?” The agent said as he turned toward the commotion happening in the other room. His hand left the knob and you watched as his shadow quietly slink away toward the sound of growing struggle and gunfire. 

Was now your chance..?

BANG

‘NOPE!’ You screamed in your head as gunfire went off right outside the room's door, accompanied by the heavy thud of a body and cloth on tile as it was dragged away. Boots squelched against the hall's sleek floors, coming closer until they transitioned to the sound-absorbing carpet of the room. 

Braving a peek through the thin slats you saw blood-covered boots, different ones than the agent just before, but the same terror filled you as you noticed them facing you. 

Your breath burned as you held it still in your lungs, your whole body tense with anxiety. Did someone hear you? Did they know you were here? You had kept yourself so hidden, how did they know?

“Ты не сможешь спрятаться от меня, дорогая... Я узнаю свое солнце где угодно [you can’t hide from me, darling… I’d know My Sun anywhere].”

You knew that voice... You knew that voice..!

Cautiously, holding your stomach close you peeked past the sliver of an opening, “My Star…?” 

He was covered in smatterings of blood from his head to his boots, yet thankfully none of it seemed to be his own. Despite his slightly battered and blood-covered appearance, his darkened eyes swam with reverence and relief as his strange little smile shined brighter than his namesake. You couldn’t be sure exactly when the assassin’s persona had come out, but you were beyond glad he was here.

“My star!” You beamed and scrambled to your feet to launch yourself at the Assassin, only making it halfway off the floor before crumbling back into a tight ball. You yelled, tears flowing once more as you finally put voice to the pain of your contractions, they were coming on much quicker now. 

Obvious worry flashed across his face as he rushed in to catch you, gently easing you onto the floor. Hands roamed over you in a cursory search as he spoke, trying to find the source of your pain, “My Sun? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” 

You whimpered as the pain lingered, wisps of it swirling across your stomach and hips before finally settling away, “Ah…. No, I’m fine- mostly fin…” you shuddered as you clung tight to his arms, trying to stand. 

“I’ve got you…” The Soldier soothed with a murmur, his voice surprisingly sweet in your ear as he whispered soft words, “You’re okay now….” Careful eyes scanned over your body again as you were scooped off the ground by two strong arms, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he saw you were indeed unharmed. 

You couldn’t find it in yourself to care for the way blood stained your clothes and smeared across your skin as you were held fast against his chest. He held you like you were everything delicate about the world, and to him you were. Turning his face into your neck he breathed in every part of you- the fear, the sweetness, the grime, the love; he wanted to breathe in every moment that he had missed.

“My Sun, how long has it been..? You’ve grown so much…,” Adoration pooled in his once frigid eyes as they washed over you. As steady as he could manage he settled you on the small heap of pillows making their home on the bed. His large warm hand was like a godsend as he pressed it against your aching belly, his touch seeming to quell everything- even for just a moment. 

“4 months…” you replied, all your focus was on breathing through your nose while your hands absentmindedly went to remove your pants, finding difficulty when your nearly 9-month belly got in the way. 

“4 months… so this-” His voice paused as he stepped in to help remove your pants. His eyes cast down to your belly, seemingly searching for a moment before looking back up at you, and for once you saw the Winter Soldier’s darkened gaze filled with never-ending light. “I finally get to meet her..?” his voice was uncharacteristically soft as he spoke, his words filled with disbelief, “I get to meet our girl…?” he whispered as if he was scared that speaking too loud would surely jinx it. 

Your lips cracked into a small smile as you watched him, your heart fluttering all the more as he spoke in hushed tones. You nodded as you took his hand against your quaking belly, “It’s time… But I can’t do this on my own,” you looked up at him with big eyes, ones that spoke of urgency and need, “I don’t know if anyone else is coming, and I don't know if we have time to wait for them either,” you said, looking at him in hopes that he’d begin to understand. “I need you to help me when she comes, okay? I… I think I need you to deliver her.”

Light-filled blue eyes faltered as he looked from you to your stomach and back again. His hands were used to taking life from this world, not bringing it in. Not to mention that, unlike Bucky, He did not have the time nor the resources to read parenting books; he was completely unprepared for a mission like this and for once he actually found himself scared. 

“Ah… My Sun, I-” he started. What if he messed it up? What if he hurt her? … What if he really was only good at one thing- killing? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if this went wrong- and he knew his gentler half wouldn’t either.

“I’ll try to walk you through it, okay? Please?” you begged as you squeezed his hand. You were terrified, plain and simple, but between the two of you- you were the only one with hours of anxiety-filled Google searches under your belt and for now, that would just have to do.

His eyes shot back up to yours, searching your gaze for a moment before nodding, “Okay, My Sun… anything you ask…” he promised. And he did, anything and everything you asked of him he was quick to get, whether it was more pillows, washing the blood from his face, or giving you his hand so you could break it as you squeezed.

Your contractions began getting closer and closer until they were only mere minutes apart. Pain ripped through every fiber of your muscles, every shard of your bone, and every cell of your organs as your baby girl squirmed to be free. 

“I can’t… I can’t hold her in anymore…” you said wearily, your hair probably this way and that, but all you knew was how tired you were already. Your eyelids hung half-lidded as you looked up at him, pressing his cool metal hand further into your flushed cheek. You were a mess, you were damp all over and red in the face and grouchy beyond belief but you were still a shining sun in the vibrant sky of his blue eyes.

He nodded and quickly moved between your legs, not letting the sight phase him as he readied himself exactly as you instructed. He was going to be calm for you, despite the way the assassin inside him yelled that he was unprepared. He had done plenty of missions with only a sliver of knowledge to go on- he wouldn’t let it stop him now.

“You’ve done great, My sun. The long part is over and now you have just a little bit more,” he said, giving you words of encouragement- just as you instructed. “You're going to do amazing, and I know that she is going to be as perfect as you in every way,” Despite your request for encouragement there was nothing but complete honesty in his tone. He believed every word he said to you and for the first time in this entire pregnancy, you truly thought you could do this too. 

It took only 4 pushes and the cost of feeling in the Soldier’s fingers before the most blessed cries filled the air. Your baby’s sweet chubby face wailed the world’s sorrows as the Soldier held her delicately in his once-bloodied hands. Despite her red face and angry cries, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He would have taken down a hundred agents- a thousand if it meant he got to see her face for the first time again. 

“Моя прекрасная девочка... Несмотря на то, что ты плачешь и кричишь с первых вдохов, ты - самое замечательное существо, которое я когда-либо видел. [My beautiful girl… even though you cry and scream with your very first breaths you are the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen],” he whispered to her writhing little form, quickly cutting and tying the cord before wrapping her snuggly in your jacket. Her cries quieted and her kicking feet slowed to a stop as the soothing rumble of his voice reached her ears- almost as if she recognized it. 

After a few more frustrated grunts, her formerly closed eyes slid open. Radiant blue’s gazed back at him, like a still ocean they seemed to reflect his own perfectly. “У нее мои глаза... Дорогая, у нее мои глаза [She has my eyes… Darling, she has my eyes],” he looked up at you with a joy so innocent you could never have imagined the things he had done in his lifetime. There was another piece of him in the world now, a piece beyond the bloodshed and dark shadows he knew- something clean and new, and perfect.

Your heart swelled beyond measure as you watched the Winter Soldier hold his tiny daughter, his gaze filled with adoration as if he had never known anything less. He was a sight to behold as he leaned in, his forehead resting gently against her little one as she gazed up at him in wonder.

Despite the tiredness you felt deep in your bones you fought hard to stay awake, utterly transfixed by the scene before you. In all your life you couldn’t have imagined today going the way it did, but you couldn’t have asked for a better end to it. 

As you watched the once fearsome Winter Soldier laugh as she gripped his finger with all her might, you could think of nothing to do except pull your phone out and snap a photo- you were going to cherish this photo forever as a memory that would always last.

__________

Bucky Taglist:

@writingmysanity@simpxinnie@mirtaqueen@blackhawkfanatic@mcira@aagn360@nialiuwanderlust@waywardhunter95 @goldylions

thanks to everyone who wanted to be tagged this chapter! If you want to be added to the general Bucky taglist please DM me!

[strzlun]

LONGING

// park jay //

pairing: jay x best friend’s sister!femreader

word count- 3.3k

genre/cw- fluff, angst, profanity, 1 year age difference, realization, confessions, sneaking around, kissing, jay fell first and hard, party setting(for one part), jay is terrible with feelings, overprotective jay (ish), just two people in love

summary- Jay’s heart longed for his best friend’s sister

________________________________________________________

Jay doesn’t remember when he started longing for his best friend’s sister, all he remembered was the room lighting up like the sun the moment you walked into it.

That was when he knew, him and his heart would be in danger because of you so he resorted to a terrible method, ignoring you like the plague. Whenever you would appear when he was with your brother, he instantly change his dementor, not wanting to show the unknown hold you had on him.

He wasn’t cold but rather quiet and reserved, he would stop talking and let himself drown in the awkward silence as he and waited for you and your brother to stop talking. You of course took note in the sudden changes he had whenever he saw you and you wouldn’t deny that it hurt you.

You always found Jay to be one, if not the best of your brother’s friends and you had your curiosity on wanting to get to know him more. Even though he came to your house almost every day, you knew almost little to nothing about him and for some reason that bothered you.

“Hey Jay” You greeted when you saw him passing the living room, you could see the way he froze for a moment before turning around to face you, his face stoic as he looked at you

In that moment, you wanted to melt into a puddle feeling his piercing gaze on you, you unconsciously played your finger as you slowly moved your gaze from him to the ground. While, Jay on the other hand was losing every sense of reality as he tried to hold back from pouring his heart to you.

“Hi” Was all Jay was able to mutter before walking away to leave you and your dwelling thought about him all by yourself

You sighed deeply before slumping back onto the couch, you don’t know why you felt this burning curiosity for him in your heart but you never seemed to be able to get rid of it no matter how hard you tried.

Jay was messing and mixing your feelings and you began to realize that you couldn’t stop the inevitable anymore. You were bound to have your heart long for someone you know you can never have.

Now, Jay wanted to curse at himself the moment he returned to your brother’s room, how could he simply just say hi to you and not try to create a conversation with you? He felt conflicted, all he wanted was nothing more but to go back to you and be able to properly talk to you.

But he knew he couldn’t, you were his best friend’s sister and he already felt like the worst friend ever for falling for you.

“You want me to what?” Jay thought he was hearing things, your brother couldn’t possible be asking him to take you to the party they were currently getting ready for

“She doesn’t stop talking about wanting to attend a party, so I decided it’s better she has us with her instead of her being by herself” Your brother explained not realized the affect his words were having on Jay’s heart, he knew your brother had a point having the both of them there would be better than you being alone

“Does she know?” Before your brother could respond, you were already walking towards the living room where the two were unknowingly waiting for you

You smiled at your brother and Jay, and he almost fell backwards at the warm smile you gave him. You didn’t realize the backflips Jay’s heart was doing as he stared at you in absolute adoration. You could feel the gaze Jay had on you, but you rather not pry at it, not wanting to loose the little “progress” this may lead to.

Something in you felt like this party could be the change everything you once thought you knew but it must just be your mind messing with you.

You didn’t expect your first party to be this crowded, there were seas of people in multiple different spot seeming to have the time of their lives. Your brother and Jay stayed close to you as the three of your tried to navigate through the crowd.

You could feel yourself being pushed around here and there by people and you were growing annoyed, but what set you off was the shove from someone causing you to trip and fall backwards. But before you could crash to the ground, you felt someone catch you and you turned around to see Jay glaring at the person who bumped into you.

His hold on you was firm but not hurtful, feeling almost like he was guarding you. You couldn’t hear over the blaring music that soon faded into the background as you continued to look at Jay. You felt all fuzzy as you saw Jay talking to the person but you weren’t able to hear anything.

You felt warm all around and you felt the touch he had on you loosened. When he scoffed and shooed off the person before turning his gaze onto you, when the two of you made eye contact and he gave a comforting smile, you knew you were in trouble.

You felt a hard thump against your chest and this was the final warning that you now entering the undeniable longing for Jay you’ve hidden from everyone and even yourself.

You met the rest of your brother’s friend who were surprised to see you at the party but still greeted you happily.

But it was only a matter of time until they all left to enjoy the party some more. You decided to step out of the party, already growing tired. You were outside and decided to sit on the staircase to get some fresh air, you were already feeling the stuffy feeling leave your body as you breaths were even.

You let out a shiver when the cool night breeze swayed by, you wrapped your arms around yourself to get rid of the goosebumps but suddenly you felt a jacket drape over you. You looked up to see Jay, smiling at you once again before taking a seat next to you on the staircase.

“Are you okay?” The same thumping against your chest made you feel nervous, you gulped down and looked away from him, afraid he could hear the beating of your heart

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little tired” You muttered, you unconsciously brought his jacket closer to you when you felt another cold breeze come by

Jay on the hand other noticed this and he felt his heart swoon at your action. No matter how hard he tried to not lose himself in the abyss of you, it never worked. Little by little, he was falling more and more for you and he was starting to realize he can’t hold back on his feelings anymore.

He has to accept the longing that you left lingering in his heart.

“You want to leave?” His voice was soft and warm and you could feel your lips threatening to rise, what was he doing to you?

“No it’s fine, I don’t want to bother” You waved him off but he only shook his head

“No of course, let’s go” He stood up before dusting off his clothes and reaching out a hand for you to grab onto, you looked to him and he gave the same comforting smile that you were slowly growing to adore

“What about my brother?”

“He can find another ride”

After that day, something shifted between you and Jay. Whenever you greeted him, he would happily greet you back and you beyond happy to see him finally warming up to you.

As for Jay, he was losing the war he put himself through trying to not fall even more for you. The way you seemed so happy to see him no longer distancing himself like you were a plague just made his heart swoon.

He noticed the way your eyes was intrigued with whatever he was saying whether it was nonsense or not. He noticed your soft smiled at him whenever you saw him.

How could he not fall for his best friend’s sister when it was you?

You and him finally had proper conversations and you found yourself enjoying the company you’ve been longing for from Jay. You didn’t know that he was genuinely comforting, that he had a heart that was purely kind.

Before you knew it, the longing feeling only worsen. You found your heart pounding against your chest whenever Jay was nearby, you always found your gaze shifting onto him while a smile plastered on your face.

You were falling for Jay and you were fearful of this realization.

“Where’s my brother?” You asked Jay when you walked into the living to find him on the couch, he immediately paused what he was watching to give you his full attention and you noticed this, you felt your heart drop

“Stepped out for a moment, he’ll be back soon” You nodded your head before you planted yourself next to him on the couch

“Mind if I join you?” You could hear his chuckle and it made you softly smile to yourself

“You know I never mind” When the words settled into your mind, your face shifted into a confused one and Jay took notice of this

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“Come on what’s wrong? You know you can talk to me” Jay shifted his whole body towards you, his hands almost reaching out to grab yours but stopped himself

With the little time you and Jay have gotten closer with each other, it was felt you and him were best friends instead of him and your brother. But every time he feels the hard thump in his chest is reminded that his heart longed for you.

And you couldn’t push down the feelings you’ve been trying to hide any longer. You don’t know when was the next time you’ll have the opportunity to tell Jay how you felt, so you decided it’s go big or go home.

“How come you weren’t like this before?” Jay tilted his head in confusion at your words

“You used to ignore me like I never existed but after the party I suddenly exist to you? I know I shouldn’t get frustrated over this but it’s hard not to”

“I tried to show that I wanted to get to know you more but you only pushed me aside as your best friend’s sister and ignored me like nothing”

“It was frustrating because I truly wanted to get to know you more than just my brother’s best friend, I wanted to get to know who you were”

“Jay, I like you”

“I’ll understand if you don’t feel the same way, I just wanted to let you know so that I could move on”

His world stopped in that moment, he heard the muffling of your voice as you tried to get his attention, his gaze zeroed in on you like you were the only to ever exist. Jay had longed for this for years.

“No, please don’t move on”

“I like you too, I like you so much that I don’t know how my heart can handle my emotions for you any longer”

“Everytime I see you, my day automatically gets better whether it was already good or going terribly. You’re like a sun in my life that I never want to get rid of. I want to experience the sunshine all the time, if it’s you”

“I like you so much that you have no idea”

“So please don’t get over me” Jay’s ramble of a confession was all you needed to launch your arms around him into a tight hug

Jay was taken aback first, his mind not being able to catch up with reality but soon when he felt your whisper against his ears, he knew it was real. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tight.

“I really didn’t want to get over you, I really like you so much but I think it would’ve been impossible for me to even do” You muttered against the hug and you feel Jay’s smile radiating off of him, you tighten your hold on him as he did the same

“Don’t worry you never have to get over me. I fell just as hard as you fell for me” You softly played with the back of his hair and Jay couldn’t ask to be in a better position, if he could be would stay in this moment for forever

When he pulled away from the hug, he looked at you with a smile and you let yourself naturally be drawn to him, you brought your face closer to his while he met you halfway. You could feel your breaths meeting each to other, you looked up to meet his eyes and they were inviting you in.

You smiled to yourself before softly placing your lips on his, Jay hummed happily as he kissed you back. He felt this was all he ever needed in his life, this what he waited so long for.

The kiss felt like this was always meant to happen. You and Jay were meant to fall for each other regardless of you being his best friend’s sister.

Now it wasn’t ideal having to maneuver around Jay’s best fiend, your brother in order to not get caught but it’s what the two of you needed to get done. Whenever your brother looked away, Jay would be quick to place a soft kiss against your cheek and giving you a smile before acting like nothing ever happened.

You had to remain your composure whenever your brother brought his attention back to the two of you, but it was hard. You knew your brother wasn’t strict or overprotective over you but you were fearful how he would feel if he found out his best friend and you were dating behind his back.

The secrecy that you and Jay were able to withstand for a few months from everyone was outstanding. Jay and you always planned dates when you knew your brother would be busy, but even when he unexpectedly tags along it doesn’t affect neither of you that much.

Jay would still hold your hand whenever he could even if it was only for a second, it was better than nothing for him. Whenever your brother was distracted, Jay would whisper sweet nothings into your ears as he placed kisses on the side of your face.

You tried to suppress your giggle and smiles but it was hard when your brother would turn around to pull Jay away from your side. He would flash you an apologetic smile before listening to what your brother had to say to him.

Yet, he never paid attention. Jay’s attention and mind was always solely on you as if you were the only to ever exist, which to him you were.

Jay was over your house once again, you sat next to him on the couch while your brother sat on the floor glued to watching the movie that was put on.

Behind him, you and Jay were softly smiling as you both held hands out of your brother’s sight. You placed a soft peck on Jay’s cheek and he smiled before looking at you, he tried to distinctively move closer to you without your brother noticing.

When he was successful, he wrapped an arm around you. The moment was perfect, you and Jay looked into each other’s eyes, he felt the same thump in his heart that he’s had ever since you walked into the room, lighting up his world.

Jay leaned in to place a kiss onto your lips which you happily reciprocated. He knew it was risky when your brother was right there, but he couldn’t help it anymore. He was growing reckless in wanting to show his relationship with you.

Jay just wanted to show the whole world how much he loved you.

“Can you two tone down the lovey dovey stuff? Unlike you, there’s someone that wants to watch the movie”

Your brother’s words caused you and Jay to slowly separate from each other and turning your head to your brother whose gaze had not moved an inch from the tv.

Your eyes widen with horror in the realization that your brother had found out about you and Jay but you soon grew confused of his nonchalant attitude towards it.

“What did you say?” Jay’s words were soft, afraid of awakening something he shouldn’t, his best friend groaned before pausing the movie and turning around to face you and Jay who still yet needed to separate from each other

“I said tone down lovey dovey stuff, I’m trying to watch a movie”

“How did you know?” You now entered the conversation, only to have your brother roll his eyes before pointing to Jay’s arm that is still wrapped around you

“You two aren’t exactly good at hiding it”

Your brother had known for quite sometime but decided to not pry on the relationship, if the two of you weren’t ready to tell him who was he to push you both to out your relationship.

He’s your brother and Jay’s best friend, he trusted the both of you with his life and he knew that there was a good reason why you two were “hiding” the relationship from him.

Now he wasn’t annoyed about the relationship the two of you had, he was more annoyed with the fact that you and Jay couldn’t seem to get enough of each other.

He just wanted to the movie in peace and not have to hear your soft suppressed giggled as you and Jay tried to be as secretive as you can.

“Look I don’t care if the two of you are dating each other, I’m not here to stop you for liking who you like or who you wish to date”

“But I will say this as her brother, you better not hurt her, she is my sister at the end of day regardless if you’re my best friend or she’s your girlfriend”

“I will never forgive you, if you make her upset so you keep her happy okay?” Your brother warned his best friend, which caused you to chuckle at his words that received a glare from Jay and your brother

“I promise to always make her happy” Jay promised to your brother who happily nodded his head, pleased with the answer, he simply wanted the best for you and Jay

Now Jay truly expected it to be more awkward having to tell you brother that he was dating you but to see that your brother didn’t care as along as he made you happy was more than enough for him to shower your face with kisses.

Your brother groaned and looked away from the scene to play the paused movie, trying to ignore the smile on his face as he heard the soft chuckles and giggles coming from behind him.

Jay loved you for as long as he could remember so he was beyond happy to know that he could finally be yours without having to hold back. He was finally able to get rid of the longing piece that resided in him because of you.

Now you and Jay made each other happy, with the piece of longing for each other now fading away only to be replaced with a new emotion, love for each other.

“Oh I’m glad my heart longed for you”

[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost of You | J. Miller (Chapter Eight)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 4.4k

Warnings / Soft!Joel as usual, some heavy petting, descriptions of panic attacks, descriptions of injuries (I am not a medical professional, please don't come for me), descriptions of food and alcohol, but nothing else.

Authors Note /  Okay, so this came to me in a dream when I was really stuck on how to properly move these two forward and I hope that I've managed to portray it properly. If you enjoyed this then please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or popping into my ask with some love! And if you'd like to leave a tip, you can do that over on my Ko-Fi.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Summer soon makes way for the fall, the air becoming chillier in Jackson by the day. The leaves have started to change, and you can already feel yourself missing the warmth and comfort that summer brought. The days are shorter, but that might also have something to do with the fact that you were finally back to work at the library full time, spending your days with Kate, and your evenings, more often than not, with Joel and Ellie. 

You and Joel were still taking things steady. You always returned to your home each evening and nothing had progressed between the two of you apart from the heavy make-out sessions you would sometimes have on his couch. He was careful with you, always searching your face when his hands would touch somewhere new, always asking if it was alright to put his lips to your neck, pointing to exactly where he’d put his mouth with his fingers. It was nice, you enjoyed it, and there had never been a moment where you felt he was frustrated with how slow things were going between the two of you. Always content to just sit with his arm around you, play board games with you and Ellie and just have quiet conversation in the dark of his living room. 

It was, however, frustrating you. There had been occasions where you’d stood on the porch, waiting for him to open the door, where you thought that evening would be the one. It had happened more often recently, now that Ellie had converted the garage at the end of their garden as somewhere to have her own space, but every time you felt like you wanted to ask, ask him to lay you down underneath him and take what you were desperate for, something always stopped you.  

Tonight, it was particularly cold out. Joel had set a fire which had warmed his living room, casting an orange, flickering glow over the game of monopoly that Ellie had just won. You’d been at it for hours, a back and forth of Joel trying to convince you to sell your properties to him in exchange for his utilities, you refusing and instead ganging up with Ellie to buy up most of the board, before she turned on you as well. 

“Told ya,” Joel smirks, nudging you with his elbow, “Should’a sold your blues to me, then we’d be the winners.” 

“Joel,” You chuckle, as you take the paper money from Ellie to put back in the box, “You offered me two utilities for my two blues, it was never going to happen.” 

“Hey, I offered to throw in a kiss as well,” He winks at you, to which you swat his arm, “Usually wins you over.” 

“You two a fucking gross sometimes,” Ellie laughs, “I’m going to bed, don’t stay up too long, oldies.” 

She’s out of the backdoor in a flash, leaving you to finish clearing up the game and stack it away with the others, Joel is standing from the couch at the same time, “Nightcap?” He asks. 

“Always,” You smile over your shoulder, “That’s what us old people do, right? Drink whiskey to help us sleep.” 

He chuckles as he pulls the bottle from the cupboard. This had become an almost nightly routine now, you’d have a drink or two, cuddle up until you could feel your eyes get heavy and then go home to your empty house, your empty bed. But it didn’t ever feel that lonely anymore. Sure, sometimes you’d turn over and look at the empty side of the bed and wish someone was there, but more often than not it was Joel’s form you’d imagine there at night, not Mark, although he did still make his appearances. 

The more you’d talked to Joel about him, the more comfortable you’d become with the idea that Mark would actually have really fucking liked Joel. Mark and Tommy had been close friends, and although Joel was certainly different to Tommy in many ways, you knew that if Joel had just been a friend, if Mark had continued to stay alive and healthy, they’d have been a firm trio of friends. 

“You ever think you’d spend the rest of your days living out the apocalypse playing monopoly?” You ask as Joel hands you your glass, “Because if you’d have told me twenty years ago that’s what I’d be doing, I’d have laughed.” 

He lets out a groan as he sits back down, opening his arm for you to curl up into his side like you usually do, “It does seem a bit domestic, doesn’t it?” He chuckles, taking a sip from his glass, “Nice though, especially when I got a pretty lady to cuddle up to as well.” 

“You flirt,” You chuckle, sipping your own drink, “Mark would have hated evenings like this though.” 

“Hmmm?” Joel hums, “Why’s that?” 

“Just not his style,” You shrug, “Liked his evenings quiet, we’d eat dinner and read, and he’d be in bed as soon as it was dark.” 

“You liked that?” Joel asks, hand running light touches up and down your arm. 

“I didn’t mind it,” You answer honestly, “After years of bouncing from place to place, never knowing when you were going to have to move on or when you might die, it was nice to just be still and quiet I guess.” 

“But you prefer getting your ass beat by a fifteen-year-old at monopoly?” He chuckles. 

“I wouldn’t say prefer,” You laugh along, “It’s just a nice change.” 

The whiskey, and the dying flames of the fire, are warming your bones. You finish the last of the whiskey and put the glass on the coffee table, settling back into Joel’s side, “You want a top up?” He asks, setting his own half-finished glass down. 

You look up at him, “Not right now, but I’d like a kiss if you don’t mind?” 

“Oh sweet pea, I never mind.” He grins, leaning down to capture your lips with his own. 

There’s something in the air tonight that makes you bold as brass. You push yourself up a little so Joel isn’t craning his neck down to you so much, one of your hands coming to rest on his shoulder to steady yourself as you move to loom over him. You pull your lips from him just enough to settle yourself into a more comfortable position before they’re back together, this time, your tongue running along his bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open for you. 

You don’t think you’re ever going to get tired of the way this man kisses you. Every time it’s like he won’t ever get the chance again. His big hands are cupping your face, pulling you further down, pressing your mouths closer together. The taste of the whiskey on his tongue is always intoxicating, but tonight even more so. Before you can really register what you’re doing, you throw one leg over his hip so you’re straddling his lap. There’s still a fair amount of space between the two of you, you’re hovering as far above his lap as you can manage, but Joel’s hands are moving from your face, resting on the waistband of your jeans where they are on your hips. 

He lets out a quiet moan into your mouth which sends electric shocks down your spine to settle in your tummy and God, you want more. You let your own hands grip his broad shoulders and before you know it, those big hands of his are resting on the globes of your ass, gently palming them through the denim of your jeans. His touch is electric – his hands guiding you to settle further into his lap when you feel it. You sink down just far enough to feel the unmistakable bulge at the front of Joel’s jeans against your own aching core and jolts you. Makes you panic. How could you have possibly gotten this far without even thinking? It makes you want to be sick. 

You pull away from his mouth and rest your forehead on his, “I’m sorry,” You mumble, “I’m fucking sorry Joel.” 

“Hey,” He speaks, hands moving from your ass back to your face, “Look at me, sweet pea.” 

You do, opening your eyes to meet his own, as always, not a hint of anger or frustration on his face, just one of concern, one that he’s pushed you too far and made you uncomfortable, “Why is this so fucking hard for me?” You speak, mostly for yourself. 

“Because it’s a big deal,” He says simply, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose, “You don’t have to be sorry about anythin’, it’s me actin’ like a damn teenager when I’ve got a pretty girl on my lap.” 

You extricate yourself from his lap, trying not to watch as he adjusts himself so his erection isn’t so prevalent in his jeans. Once he’s gotten himself more comfortable, he finishes off his whiskey before he lets out a yawn. It must be late, the game had gone on for hours and you know he’s got morning patrol tomorrow. 

“I’ll get outta your hair,” You mumble quietly, not quite sure why you’re the one feeling hurt now, “Know you’ve got an early morning.” 

“Hey,” He grips your arm as you try and stand, “Stop that.” 

“Stop what?” 

“Thinkin’ I want ya to leave because we’re not having sex.” 

“I don’t think that at all.” You say, defensively. 

“Yes you do,” God why can he just always read you like this, “I’m not mad at you sweet pea, I will say it until I’m blue in the face, you take all the time you need,” He leans in as close to your ear as he possible can, “And when you’re ready, I’m gonna be so fuckin’ good to you, you won’t know your own name.” 

You gasp, giggling at his words. The longer you’d been staying with him like this, the filthier promises had been dropping from his lips. Never to pressure you, only to promise you exactly what you had in store when you felt able to give yourself to him. 

“Well,” You smile, giving his upper thigh a squeeze, “I’ll be sure to think of what that might entail when I get into bed later.” 

A smirk appears on his lips, “Only if you tell me all about it tomorrow.” 

It’s a few days later when you’re shutting up the library with Kate. She locks the door and hikes her bag higher on her shoulder, “You want to grab a drink at the bar?” She asks, “We haven’t been together in so long.” 

You know that Joel is on patrol right now and won’t be back until later, and a drink at the bar usually means a good hearty meal as well, which you would really enjoy against the backdrop of the cold evening air, so you gladly agree. You’d been a few times in the past weeks, mainly with Tommy and Maria accompanying you and Joel, and thankfully, no-one, including Vanessa, had made any comments like the first night, so you were more comfortable there now. 

You sit together with Kate, sipping a glass of whiskey and enjoying bowls of venison stew, watching as Ellie sits with a group of kids doing the same, but with glasses of juice instead. Joel had confided in you months ago that he was worried about her fitting in, that she’d struggled to make friends with people her own age, but since she’d started at the school, things had been better. She was attached to Dina and Cat by the hip most of the time, and it was nice to know she was able to enjoy being a kid for once. 

“So, how are things going with your man?” Kate teases, dropping her spoon into her empty bowl. 

“They’re okay,” You answer honestly, “Slow going, but that’s what I need.” 

“I have to say, in the past few weeks you’re almost your old self.” 

“Yeah, I feel a lot better to be honest,” You admit, “Like, I still struggle sometimes, but Belinda moved me to one appointment a month and said she thinks I’m finally on the road to a proper recovery.” 

“Good,” She smiles, clinking her glass to yours, “And it’s not all him either,” She adds, “Sure he’s rugged and handsome, but don’t let anyone think we’re giving him all the credit for making you happy, you’ve done this all by yourself, you hear me?” 

“I hear you,” You smile, taking a sip of your whiskey. 

“Now hurry up,” She says, slamming her drink back, “I’ve got a date with Pride and Prejudice.” 

You roll your eyes but knock back your own drink all the same, “You’ve read it at least six times since I’ve known you,” You stand, gathering your things, “And you’d still rather read it than spend time with me?” 

“Sorry babes,” She chuckles, “But Mr Darcy wins every time.”

As you’re leaving The Tipsy Bison, you’re suddenly all too aware that there’s hell of a commotion going on in the street. The main gates are flung open, and people are shouting and screaming to each other as horses gallop in through the gates. Then, you can see Tommy. He’s dragging someone back through the gates. Then, you realise who it is and all the colour drains from your face. He’s dragging Joel and he’s covered in fucking blood. You bend over and try to not throw up. You can feel Kate at your side, trying to pull you up to standing again, you let her, but you can feel your knees start to buckle as you try and get down the steps and onto the street. 

Maria is running towards you; you can see panic written on her face. Kate lets you go for a moment and as you’re running towards Tommy, you tumble down onto the ground, palms hitting the dirt and gravel. In any other circumstance you’d probably register the pain of landing on your knees at your age, but Maria is on the floor in front of you, bringing your face to the crook of her shoulder to shield you from whatever is going on. 

“Joel… oh my god.” Is all you can mumble, just his name over and over again into Maria’s shoulder. 

Then, you wonder what the fuck you’re doing on the floor. You look up and Tommy is coming towards you, him and another man dragging Joel, who looks to be just holding on to consciousness. You try and push yourself up, but Maria is trying to keep you grounded. 

“Let go of me!” You scream, trying to tear Maria’s arms off you, “I have to go with him!” 

“Darling, calm down.” She tries to soothe. 

“No!” Another roar from your lungs, “Let me see him!” 

You’re crying now, tears streaming down your face. You have to be near him. You have to know he’s okay. You can’t do this again, you can’t lose someone else, not like this. You’re trying to suck in breath through your mouth, but you just end up choking on the air as you continue to fight to get away, to follow behind Tommy who has rushed past you. You can see drops of blood on the ground, drop of Joel’s blood, and this is what finally causes you to throw up. His blood, on the floor, that means it’s bad. 

You can feel someone else behind you trying to pull you up as Maria helps from the front, trying to get you away from the mess you’ve made from emptying your stomach on the floor. You fall into Maria’s arms again when she wraps them around you, running a hand over your hair to try and calm you down, whispering that it’s going to be okay and that you can see him soon. 

Then, in your mind, your brain goes straight to Ellie. You’re whipping around, about to run back into the bar to get her, but when you do, you realise she’s the person who helped get you up off floor. 

“Oh my God,” You breathe, pulling her into a hug of her own, “Ellie.” 

She wraps her arms around your middle, squeezing you just as hard as you’re squeezing her before you pull away and cup her face in your hands. Her face is just as distraught as you must imagine yours is, although she’s not crying, just has a glazed look in her eye that breaks your heart even more. You don’t need to ask each other whether you’re okay. You both know the answer. You just pull back into each other and hug even tighter, until Maria is touching your lower back. 

“Let’s go to the hospital,” She says, leading you both down the street, following the very obvious trail of blood, “Tommy can tell us what the fuck is going on, if nothing else.” 

As you’re walking, you’re remembering the last time you made this trip to the hospital. Maria was guiding you then, you were crying then, knowing it was going to be the last time you got to see Mark. The last time you’d get to hold his hand. Watch the slow rise-and-fall of his chest. He was unconscious. He didn’t know you were there. He had no idea you kept hold of his hand right to the very end. 

Your feet are carrying you at this point. You don’t feel like you’re inside your body at all, don’t feel at all human. The only thing anchoring you to the real world is Ellie’s hand clutched in your own and Maria’s guiding arm around your waist. 

When you step through the doors of the hospital it’s a flurry. It looks as though Joel wasn’t the only one to get injured, although most of the other men in the waiting room look mainly walking wounded and not pouring blood out onto the ground. A nurse is tending to them as best she can, and then Tommy is bursting through the doors at the end of the hall, own clothes covered in blood, but looking like he might have gotten off scott-free, injury wise. 

“What the fucking hell happened out there?!” Maria is demanding as she lets go of your briefly to hug her husband. 

“It was a fuckin’ ambush,” Tommy spits, noticing Ellie and you stood behind her, shedding his jacket and throwing it to the side so you don’t have to look at the blood, “A whole fuckin’ group of ‘em, waiting us out at the lodge,” He lets Maria go, “Fuckin’ bastard’s took us by surprise, started firin’ all over the place, it was fuckin’ carnage,” He’s checking on Ellie next, “Thought we got ‘em all, and then outta fuckin’ nowhere this one guy manages to take a perfect shot at Joel, right through the shoulder.” 

“Can we…” You trail off as he takes you in an embrace, “Can we see him?” 

He pulls away, looking at you with eyes that says he’s sorry, and you’re not sure if he’s saying sorry because you can’t or because Joel might be dead. It makes your bottom lip wobble and more tears to spring in your eyes. 

“They’re tryin’ to dig a bullet outta his shoulder, sweetheart,” He says, “As soon as he’s comfortable we’ll let you in, alright?” 

You nod and let him, and Maria lead you and Ellie to a room that’s empty down the hall. Maria stays sat with you whilst Tommy goes to find something warm to drink, bringing back a flask of coffee that you don’t even bother to ask where he found it. He set a mug in your hands, giving Ellie some water instead, and that’s how you sit for what feels like hours. The room is mostly silent, save for the few times your emotions threaten to get the better of you and you have to take big, deep breaths to keep yourself in control. Your hand stays firmly clutched to Ellie’s; you both take turns rubbing your thumbs over each other’s hands to keep each other calm. 

You don’t know how much time has passed, but a doctor is opening the door. He’s got a mask over his mouth, but no gloves on, scrubs with splatters of blood on them. Everyone in the room sits up in their chairs, waiting for the axe to drop, “He’s fine,” There’s a collective sigh of relief, “He’s lucky the bullet got lodged, we managed to pull it out and stitch him up fine, he’s just a little tired from the blood loss,” You finally let out your own breath that you’d been holding in, “He can have visitors, but one at a time.” 

You turn to Ellie, “You go first,” You say, pulling her hand for her to stand up, “He’ll want to see you.” 

She stands but doesn’t leave to follow the doctor until she’s bent down to give you a bone crushing hug. Tommy follows her out soon after, mumbling something about needing to check on the other guys, which leaves you and Maria alone. 

“I’m sorry.” You mumble, suddenly all too embarrassed at your outburst in the street. 

“What on earth do you have to be sorry for?” 

“All that,” You gesture wildly with your hand, “Out there.” 

She gets up from her chair and kneels in front of you, comforting hands on your knees, “Don’t be so silly,” She soothes, “Even I was fucking scared by it all, I know how much he means to you, so you don’t need to be sorry, ever, you understand?”

“I just feel so stupid,” You can feel your tears starting again, “It was just a single bullet wound, why did I act like it was the end of the world?” 

“Because none of us knew that?” She offers, “He was almost unconscious girl, there was blood everywhere.” 

“I thought….” You trail off, not wanting to admit what’s on the tip of your tongue. 

“You thought you were going to lose him too?” 

All you do is nod, letting a tear trickle down your face. Maria’s cold hands come up to cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears, “That man is a stubborn son-of-a-bitch,” She soothes, “Gonna take a lot more than a single bullet to tear him away from you.” 

Maria is just lifting herself from t he floor when Ellie comes back into the room, Tommy behind her with his hands resting on her shoulders, “I’m gonna take Ellie home, but he wanted to see you.” He’s motioning to you. 

“Will you be alright on your own?” You ask to Ellie, it’s a stupid question, because she’s probably one of the most self-sufficient fifteen year old’s you’ve ever met, but you want her to know that she has you if she needs you. 

“I think I’ll probably just crash,” She shrugs, clearly still reeling herself from what happened, “I know where to find you tomorrow if I need you.” 

You give her one last hug before Tommy is leading her away down the hall, pointing through the doors at where you needed to go. 

When you push open the door to his room, Joel is sat, propped up in bed with his shoulder wrapped up in what has to have been almost all the communes supply of bandages. His face is pale, and you can tell he’s in pain, so you let the door close behind you and stand right there, waiting for him to invite you closer. His shirt is ripped, where the doctor obviously didn’t want to waste time trying to get him out of it in a dignified manner, and there’s blood covering the material and his jeans have a fair splattering of it as well. 

“It looks worse than it is, I promise,” He speaks softly, motioning for you to come and sit on the chair next to his bed, “I’m sorry I scared you.” 

You shake your head as you take a seat, shuffling the chair closer to the bed, “Don’t be silly,” You respond, “You were bleeding quite profusely, you didn’t need to worry about me.” 

He offers you his hand, led on the bed, palm upturned, which you take, wrapping your own hand around his, giving it a squeeze, just to make sure he is really still here, “Are you okay?” He asks, squeezing you hand back. 

“Joel, please,” You sigh, “Don’t ask about me when you just got shot.” 

“Well, I know I’m okay, and now you know I’m okay, so I’m asking you, sweet pea, are you okay?” 

“I was so scared Joel,” You whimper, lip trembling, “I thought- oh god – that I might lose you as well.” 

He releases your hand, only to brush the tears from your face before he’s gripping it again, “You listen to me,” He speaks, you look at him, “I have been shot at more times than I remember, it’s going to take hell of a lot more than a bullet to take me away from you, do you understand me?” 

You nod, using. Your own free hand to wipe away more tears that have fallen from your eyes, “Can I hug you?” 

“Promise to watch out for my shoulder?” He teases, you nod with a small smile, “Then I’d love a hug.” 

You stand from the chair, leaning over to wrap your arms around his neck. Joel sits forward just a touch to let your arms snake around him, before his good arm is clutching around you and pulling you down. You let your head drop to the crook of his neck, where you turn and press a kiss to his skin, breathe in his scent, take him all in. 

It’s in this moment that you realise you might just have the capacity to love this man. This man who has done nothing but be kind to you. This man who has been so patient and soft and understanding at every marker of whatever this relationship was. This man who kissed you like his life depended on it, clearly capable of such extreme violence that would have kept him alive, but never once showing you that side of him. You can’t say it, not yet it’s too fast, but the panic you had felt at the prospect of losing him meant you knew exactly who he was to you. You could love Joel Miller, you wanted so desperately to love Joel Miller. You just prayed the world would give you enough time together to do it.

Joel Miller Taglist:  @winwin70@jessie8605@trulybetty@amanitacowboy@morning-star-joy@tieronecrush@leeeesahhh@babeincolor@beee-haw@kirsteng42@mirandablue1@sixxslut@impala1967dwinchester@flash2412@gimmebackmysoul@kelp-dreaming@gracie7209@voteforpedro09@brittmb115@karokaroxx@amb11@heartfairy @grumpy-the-tired @Lillilotus @doctorstatic@morallyinept@southernbe@elissaa@pop-sugar102@u-luciferssatanicdaughter@alyhull@purplerain44@harryleatherfit@lovely-ateez@emilianamason @bootyliciousposts @lorilane33@casa-boiardi@cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @tightjeansjavi @cavillscurls @darkroastjoel @morning-star-joy

[slashersteve]

Dream Girl

pairing: Walter “Keys” Mckey/Female Reader

summary: Keys helps you pass a seemingly impossible boss battle in a video game you’ve been playing.

warnings/extra tags: cursing, a kiss kiss, probably ooc keys? I tried 😔, poor hacking things i got very vague but for this imagine just trust me bro, beta read, edited by me so if i missed anything pls ignore :')

note: Consider this my debut to writing Keys and who knows…maybe I’ll write more of him 👀 also yall this has been in my drafts for decades and today i was like?? it's bri's birthday, so i should post this right??? happy birthday @userdjo !! Thank you for reading and enjoy ♥️

✦ ✦ ✦

“I'm not doing it.”

"Why not?”

“Uh, because it's too risky?”

“Seriously? Too risky? Do you hear yourself right now?”

Keys was standing across from you, leaning on the kitchen counter holding a cup of coffee that he had only taken a single sip of seeing as the moment you heard the coffee maker come to life you stalked out of your own office to try to convince him to do what you wanted him to do all morning.

“Keys!” You were exasperated when he didn’t reply to your rhetorical question.

He just wanted to spend a bit of time during his break to look at something that wasn’t a screen of codes he could read like the morning paper. He wanted to talk to you in this kitchen like you always did throughout the day and unfortunately your conversations had to be this.

“We could get into a lot of trouble, I could get into a lot of trouble,” Keys told you firmly, to which you scoffed and crossed your arms, “I’m serious.”

“Only if you get caught, which I know you won’t,” you replied, before huffing and adding, “Where did this goody two shoes attitude come from? You literally took down an entire gaming company by causing trouble with Millie.”

Keys sighed, turning away from you as he set his mug down and brought one hand to his face to remove his glasses just so he could properly pinch his nose. That was different, and you knew it, but still wanted to try and guilt him into helping you.

“And you can’t do it yourself?” He asked, fully knowing that you couldn’t because you wouldn’t be asking him otherwise. If you could you wouldn’t be bugging him so much, pushing him to do what you wanted.

“I’d get caught, we both know it. Nobody can do it but you- Millie probably, but she’s not here,” you explained, “Come on, please? If you do it I’ll do every coffee run for the rest of the month.”

You were trying to bargain now, which amused Keys as he wiped the lens of his glasses before sliding them back over his eyes.

“Yeah me hacking into a game of another company is definitely worth you doing coffee runs,” he said sarcastically, resting his eyes back on you. You shrugged weakly and shot him a sort of sheepish smile, not caring that he was obviously irritated with you.

“I think it is- unless anything else is up for grabs? Anything you know…you would like?”

You wiggled your eyebrows at him, and he felt his chest tighten slightly, unsure exactly what you were getting at and suddenly being afraid that you did know. The sight of his expression had you smirking before you said, “She is my best friend- like yours- but girls mostly listen to each other…I could potentially lead her in your direction. You know…get that date you’ve always wanted lover boy.”

Keys blinked, understanding after a moment or two that you were talking about Millie and the hopeless crush he had on her, something he had confessed to you a while ago. Just that, nothing else…thank god.

“Don’t-“ Keys laughed awkwardly, “Don’t. I actually don’t like her like that anymore.”

You gave him a look, and he felt his cheeks heat up, embarrassed by the mention of his old crush on her. Not because he was embarrassed of being in love with Millie once, but because he had thought you had known something else now, that had nothing to do with Millie but with the woman standing in this kitchen with him.

“Oh…when did that happen?” You questioned him, not believing a single word that just came out of his mouth. Truth be told, long before he confided in you his crush, you had been aware of it. How could you not be? It was the way he looked at her, brown eyes longing and yearning. He had it bad for her, for years, so it was hard to believe he’d moved on, that he’d fallen out of love.

“A while ago, actually, just sort of happened one day,” he replied awkwardly, eyes flashing to his watch. He had a few minutes left before he had to go back in there and start coding again. You both worked from home, made up your own hours and he liked to keep a more timely schedule than you did.

“Huh,” you said, still curious as to how that happened at all, but knowing he was going to be escaping back to his office/room was enough to make you set it aside and continue your prior conversation bargain.

“Anything else then? I’m really desperate here Keys, I wouldn’t be asking you to do this if I wasn’t, you know this,” you continued, watching as he picked up his basically untouched coffee and pushed himself off the counter, ready to return to his coding.

“The coffee runs do sound nice, but like I said, not worth it,” he told you again, this time a bit more firmly and now it was you getting frustrated with him as you followed closely after him through the living room.

“Oh come on! I can do it for longer? The rest of the year- Keys!” You grabbed his arm, the one that wasn’t holding a coffee thankfully as it definitely might’ve spilled, “I’m begging you, do you want me to get down on my knees and beg to show you how serious I am?”

He cheeks suddenly became flushed as you started to descent to your knees and he had to catch you to keep you from doing that. The last thing he needed was to know how you looked when you’re on your knees in front of him. The last thing.

“No! You don’t have to-“ he said a bit too frantically. You stared at him, confused by his sudden behavior (even noticing his suddenly very pink cheeks and wide eyes underneath his glasses). Keys blinked rapidly for a moment, before he turned his head and cursed, “Alright alright, it may take a day or so- we need to make sure our schedules are clear- which means you gotta do work.”

He gave you a pointed look, knowing your tendency to move away from your work computer to what you called your fun gaming one whenever you felt like it.

“Oh yeah of course!” you replied like you did work all the time, “If that’s what it takes then hell yeah, I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

You didn’t say it like a joke, which made him swallow thickly at your words and push down some thoughts he’d been having about you lately. Some romantic, some not so romantic and more in the carnal sense. Both equally terrified him and made him feel a sense of guilt.

It didn’t help that your favorite lounge at home outfit was a sports bra and biker shorts you usually paired with a zip-up hoodie that you never zipped up. It was mostly that pretty silver chain necklace you wore all the time and how it would fall underneath the fabric of your bra, making his eyes and thoughts wander to forbidden places.

Something he was doing right fucking now. It was almost like getting caught in a spell of some sort, which embarrassed him greatly.

You were too distracted by the fact that he technically agreed to helping you out to notice his eyes resting on your chest area, “I can’t believe you’re going to do this for me- okay- okay you get back to work and we’ll meet up tonight?”

You were giddy, almost bouncing in your spot and Keys suddenly snapped out of his trance caused by you, and he quickly forced his eyes to meet yours, realizing you’d just been speaking and that he wasn’t listening.

“Uh- yeah- yeah totally,” he told you in an attempt to not sound like a creep. You didn’t notice though, you didn’t notice a lot of things actually, and you merely flashed him an excited grin before you turned and jogged back into your own room, for the first time being excited to do some work and actually complete it.

Keys just stood there long after you had slammed your door shut, long after you probably sat at your computer and started replying to messages or reworking some mods like you were supposed to.

He felt like an idiot. A fool. Yet another hopeless fool who developed feelings for somebody he was close to, somebody in the same friend group.

He hadn’t intended for it to happen. It had always been Millie, not that anything was wrong with you of course, he just had some odd attachment to her because for a long time he considered her to be his dream girl, but after a long hard look at himself and their friendship he knew that’s all she would ever be.

And he was okay with that…eventually. Eventually his heart stopped fluttering in his chest when their eyes would meet, eventually his mind was no longer foggy and warm when they spoke. Eventually, he felt nothing but a platonic love that would always be there to stay.

With you, he wasn’t anticipating feelings like that to come up. It honestly came out of no where one day. Millie and Mouser had left, and you decided to stick around a little longer.

Keys wasn’t used to being alone with you, as at the time you were closer to Millie only and you two were like a package deal. So when you said you’d stay, Keys suggested you two play a game of your choice as an ice breaker. You chose this shooter game, 1v1, or on a team together online. That would be his choice and he decided to go with 1v1, not wanting to deal with teammates he didn’t know as he wasn’t up for a headache or trash talking from strangers or kids who aren’t being monitored by their parents and cursing like sailors.

He didn’t catch the wicked look in your eyes when he chose that one.

Keys learned very quickly how much you liked shooter games, even ones at the arcades. Your aim was impeccable and your sportsmanship was completely out of the window. You quipped back and forth like old friends, teasing him when he’d lose, cursing him when you lost, which wasn’t as often as Keys would’ve liked.

It was fun, very fun, and you ended up spending the entire night with him, playing your favorite games, and his favorite ones. Then, you just talked and got to know each other better.

Keys had liked you before that, and it was after that he started to like you more. And when you and him moved into together- things changed. They changed a lot.

He really liked you, but like with Millie, he was probably forever going to keep it to himself because how could you ever like him in return? He was your friend, and you knew he had been hopelessly in love with your best friend- he couldn’t see that working out. Not one bit, even if it broke his heart knowing that it wouldn’t.

Like Millie was, you were just another dream girl, and like her again, he eventually learn to be okay with that. It’s what was keeping him going, honestly, but he knew it would take longer as you were around him constantly. Eventually, he told himself as he took a sip of his now cold coffee, eventually.

✦ ✦ ✦

Keys had gone to bed the minute he finished up.

He washed his face, taken off his shirt and put on his pajama pants, took off his glasses, and laid spread on his bed under the covers on his stomach. One side of his face was nuzzled into his pillow, heavy eyes shutting on their own accord, mind ready to be overcome by well deserved sleep.

Just as he felt sleep wash over him, something had weighed down the mattress from his left side. Well, not something, more like somebody had.

He opened one eye to see you on his bed, and he quickly sat up, moving away from you as he asked what the heck you were doing in his bed like this. You were taken back by his reaction, but then raised a brow before saying, “We agreed to meet up tonight, remember?”

Keys just stared at you, blinking wildly as he tried to remember if that was true. You shifted in your spot, spreading your thighs a little more so you could actually sit on his bed. He let his eyes move down for only a split second, though his vision was blurry, before forcing them back up at you.

“I seriously don’t remember, just-“

“God relax,” you suddenly said, a smile starting to grow on your lips, “You’re so nervous by a girl being in your bed.”

You were teasing him again, and he coughed into his hand before he shook his head and said in an attempt to change the subject, “I told you it might take all day, we can’t start tonight we’ll be up for hours.”

You frowned now, “Then why’d you agree tonight? You said ‘yeah totally’ I remember.” You pointed at him, and Keys suddenly recalled that he did say that to you- he had just been distracted that he didn’t know what he was agreeing to.

He cursed under his breath, knowing that you weren’t going to go away at all, but thinking he should keep his word as well, especially when you titled your head and gave him what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. You even fluttered your lashes and stuck out your bottom lip.

“Fine, get everything set up-“

“Already done,” you replied, already moving to stand, and you gestured him to follow you as you took long strides out the door. Keys could only grab his glasses, forgoing a shirt, so he could keep up with you.

Everything was set up, the game, the laptop with the games codes there- he was sure you made sure IP addresses couldn’t be tracked as the last thing your guys new gaming company needed was a scandal that involved one of the key founding members hacking into a game made by a separate company. Why on earth did you want to do this? It was insanely risky.

You moved to sit on a stool you had brought in from the kitchen, leaving your vibrant teal gaming chair to Keys. He sat in it, eyes glossing over the game and he asked you for clarification what it was you wanted him to do exactly.

“I’m having trouble with the items- okay so every time you buy one the price goes up and it goes insanely high- insanely that it makes it impossible to buy more,” you explained, “So I need you to either keep the prices from going up, or to give me infinite items or coins. That one sounds great.”

Keys ran his hand through his hair and laughed at your request, and said teasingly, “You know you can just earn all those coins by being a better player.”

He felt your hand lightly smack his shoulder, “I’ve been on this for weeks, Keys, and I’m desperate. This boss is kicking my ass and I’d like an infinite amount of healing potions.”

Rather than going to the coding, he actually moved to the game instead, starting it up and waving you off when you asked him what he was doing.

“I just want to see which boss is kicking your ass so much that you want to cheat,” he told you, and you started to protest, knowing that this was one the games he actually introduced you to and would definitely tease you when he found out which one it was.

Keys promptly ignored you as he loaded up to your last mission, and as his eyes danced around the screen, taking in the familiar surroundings and music even, he started to laugh and shake his head- doing exactly what you were afraid of.

“Alright yeah laugh it up-“

“No, no I actually don’t blame you,” he said with another shake of his head before he pushed his hair out his face, “I think I stopped playing for a while because of this fight. Have you gotten asked to play easy mode yet?”

He was looking at you now, and you moaned in distress before nodding. Keys laughed, remembering how this particular boss battle had humbled him and other players who thought they were god at video games greatly. He leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands together and resting them over his chest.

“It’s a bad idea,” he told you again, this time more firmly, “Also I’m sorry- I’m not going to let you cheat. We’re beating this guy here and now.”

He was turning away from you to look back at the screen, and you groaned.

“Keys there’s no way- no fucking way we’re going to beat him- you said even you had trouble,” you tried, “Just let me go the cheating route.”

You grabbed the laptop, but Keys had taken it from you swiftly, shutting it and setting aside as you grumbled at him.

“No you’re going to beat this guy fair and square, we just need to replay missions, get every objective checked off…” he trailed off as he started moving the character away from the boss battle zone. You just sat beside him, dreading the idea of having to go back to do all that.

“Keys…” you moaned in complete despair, “That’ll take too long.”

“It won’t, I’ll help you,” he replied back, and dropped your head on his shoulder while he grinned, amused by your reluctance to replay any of this.

“Fine, fine, we’ll take turns,” you said, lifting your head up so you can look at the screen. Keys agreed to these terms.

A few hours had passed, you and Keys switching off who plays and who watches- and Keys was a much better player than you were at this particular game, getting through past battles you also had trouble with and barely passed with ease, slicing through the bosses like butter, and going on his merry way. You were almost embarrassed honestly whenever it was your turn, but he sat beside you on that stool, and just helped you.

Normally, whenever you played together or watched the other play a single player game (a sort of ritual you two had every other night when you were both available) you’d go hard on each other for every little mistake.

“Uh triangle is the top button Keys? Need to study the controls a little longer there big guy?”

“Haha- if you’re just going to be so critical the door's over there…”

All would end with a laugh and you leaning back on his bed as you continued to watch him, teasing him within the next few minutes.

Right now though, he’d still occasionally tease here and there, but it wasn’t condescending or serious enough to irritate you. You actually liked it, liked him sitting next to you, leaned in slightly so he was closer to you and the screen, telling you directly in your ear what to do, when to trigger your characters power, what weapons you should go with- you liked him being so close, and especially liked it when you did good and he praises you.

It really urged you to play well, wanting to hear those words again.

Then, you got to the boss you’ve been having so much trouble with you wanted to cheat your way into beating him. By now it was past midnight, closer to 1 in the morning, and you have both been at it for at least another hour or so- switching spots again and again as you did your best to fuck the boss up. He was the only one who got closest and you at least got farther than you normally would…more than half of his life had been down before you were taken out.

“Yup- I’m dead,” Keys said with a sigh. He leaned back, pressing the back of his head on the gaming chair and you grumbled, knowing you were next to try.

“Don’t even move,” you said in a gruff voice as you moved from the stool and sat onto his lap. Keys eyes widened when he felt you there, hands moving to grasp your hips almost instinctively but quickly dropping them as if it was a crime to hold you.

“What are you-“

“I’m going to die real quick, so you moving would be a waste,” you said, shifting slightly before you restarted the mission. Keys just say there staring at the back of your head, trying to fight the heat that was overcoming him.

You weren’t putting your weight fully down on him, your own feet touching the floor and holding yourself upright as you clicked away at the keyboard, too concentrated on the game to notice Keys having a slight panic attack underneath you or how tense suddenly became.

Curse words were slipping through your lips toward the game, and you shifted in your spot again, making him hold onto you once more, deciding to look over your shoulder now and focus on the game and not how you felt on his lap.

You were doing pretty well, actually, dodging with precision, getting well aimed hits on the boss. Your characters power bar was growing drastically, and when the bar was full you managed to trigger it at the perfect time.

“You know, for somebody’s who not even trying you’re doing pretty damn good,” Keys mumbled, leaning forward so his head was over your shoulder. Focusing on the game had been successful in distracting him from your current position.

You merely hummed in response, acknowledging his compliment, and the villain’s health bar was so low- it was in the red and Keys said, “Holy shit! You almost got him!”

He held his breath, and also you, as he watched you dodge some his quickest attacks that you struggled with before triggering your character's power again and putting the boss to sleep with one final blow and a final scream.

You just stared at the screen, in pure disbelief, and perhaps a dash of denial that you’d finally beaten this fucker who had been haunting you for weeks now, taunting you every time you looked at your computer screen. You did it, you beat him - or did you?

"Did...did I actually beat him? Or did I fall asleep watching you play and this is a fever dream? Please tell me this is fucking real-"

“It's real! You kicked his ass!” Keys was practically hugging you from behind and you threw your hands up and shouted with excitement, the smile on your lips wide as you really took in that you finally beat him.

"See! You didn't need to cheat," Keys told you from behind, making you laugh and move to stand, making Keys let you go as you did. He stood up too, and you were turned around to hug him tightly, which seemed to have taken him off guard.

Keys settled into your tight embrace, returning it by wrapping his arms tightly around you before you tilted your head up at him with a wide grin on your lips.

He looked down at you, “He wasn’t worth hacking into a game, right?”

"I mean if we cheated it wouldn't be almost...2 in the morning right now," you joked, making him laugh, his lips pulling into a sweet smile as his brown eyes held your gaze, "But...no you're right...totally not worth that."

He nodded, happy that you agreed with him.

"Thank you, Keys, I mean it...just thank you, I know it's just a video game but you know...this stuff is basically our life, so just...thanks," you told him truthfully.

Keys sucked in a tight breath before he nodded, "You're welcome, anything for you honestly...except you know...hacking into a beatable game."

He made you laugh, again, and because he was pretty sleepy right now with the adrenaline rushing off, he couldn't really hide the way he was looking at your lips.

There was little light in the room, with only your bedside lamp and the light emitting from your computer screen behind you. It reflected back at you slightly, courtesy of those cute glasses Keys wore, but you could see his eyes weren't on yours.

You honestly don't know what compelled you, the adrenaline that still coursed through your veins from the win, or maybe the fact that you were still holding each other like a separated couple reunited- you couldn't really pinpoint it, but you were starting to lean forward as if you were going to kiss him...well...you were going to kiss him.

Until he was leaning away, causing you snap out of it. Your eyes widened as they snapped upward to rest back on his. He looked so very confused and your felt your cheeks heat up immediately with embarrassment, feeling like an idiot that you just about almost stole a kiss from him without asking.

“What...what was that?” Keys asked you, attempting to keep his voice as steady as possible as he felt his heart start to race and his stomach between to twist and turn with nerves.

You were pulling away then, saying in an exasperated tone, “Nothing- sorry- I think I just got too caught up in the moment.”

You were trying to laugh it off, make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal what you were about to do and you stumbled backwards, wanting to shut the game off for the night and lay under your covers in your own embarrassment.

Keys just watched you, piecing together exactly what you were close to doing- how close you had leaned in, how your eyes had looked- were those what they call kiss me eyes?

His heart nearly swelled in his chest and he grasped your arm gently, making you turn to meet him with a curious expression and he asked, “Were you about to…kiss me?”

Your expression turned horrified.

“What? No,” you said, panic rising in your voice before you cleared your throat and continued to say, “I wasn’t- no- did it…did it look like it? Because I wasn’t...”

He blinked a few times, knowing that you were lying. He knows what he saw, and he knows you and your tells, the way you refused to keep eye contact, and would press your lips together as if conflicted. You were lying, and you were embarrassed. He didn’t like that you were.

"Well! Anyway! Thanks for helping me, I really appreciate it and uh- we should totally do this again. Well we probably will but-"

“No wait I wasn't finished," Keys said, making you pause and look up again to meet his gaze. He looked serious now, less shocked and more...determined. You didn't know what to say or do, just standing there and waiting for him to finish.

"Just..if you were trying to kiss me…I’d be totally okay with it,” he said, his voice a little softer. Your eyes widened softly at this statement.

"Really?" you asked, and he swiped his tongue across his bottom lip before he nodded.

Things had suddenly grew tenser, the room quieter and darker, more intimate. You hadn't ever expected to be in a situation like this with Keys, sure you sometimes thought about Keys romantically, but you quickly stopped those because you had always known Keys was in love with Millie.

He was cute, he always had been, you had thought so since you first met him. He was funny...smart, the best video game partner, and roommate, coworker...friend, it always struck you as odd that Millie never saw him the same way he saw her.

And here he was, looking at you how he looked at her, except it felt like something even more and he was basically asking you to kiss him. And you wanted to, you wanted to so bad suddenly, but conflict raised in you because of the fact you thought it was always Millie he loved, wondering in these split seconds if he was suddenly into you because he couldn't have her.

He must've seen this, your hesitation, and he swallowed thickly before starting to speak, "I've actually...liked you for a long time now, you asked me when I lost feelings for Millie and...I think- now I know...it was when I met you because...yeah...it's you."

He trailed off awkwardly, and you watched as his cheeks dusted pink and his eyes shifted away from you. You couldn't really believe what he had just said, but when he finally got the courage back to look at you...you knew he was telling you the truth.

And you were leaning in, tilting your head upwards so that you could press your lips gently against his. You practically felt his breath get taken away as your lips touched his, just before he returned your gentle, almost shy kiss.

You both leaned away at the same time, your heart pounding in your chest and your eyes fluttering open as your eyes met. A small smile had returned to his lips, and suddenly you felt his hand in your hair as he grew more confident and you both leaned in to kiss a second time, this time the kiss was longer, your lips melding together tenderly as you titled your head to deepen it.

Then, things went further...because of you mostly. Your hands planted against his bare chest as you made him walk backwards, your lips never leaving each others and he was on your bed with you settling into his lap, straddling him.

Keys looked up at you through his lashes, his hands placed onto your waist, in almost the same way they were placed moments before when you on his lap playing and defeating the boss. His body felt so warm against yours, and you were sure your body was just as warm against his.

You moved your own hands to his hair, and said, "Do you want to keep playing, Keys? Or do you wanna keep doing this?"

He seemed taken back by your suggestion, but laughed breathlessly as he said, "Yeah...yeah let's keep doing this."

[pmitchell]

we’ve got time. | pete “maverick” mitchell x reader

warnings: NSFW! (If you’re a minor, DO NOT interact), oral sex (female receiving), unprotected sex, a slight daddy kink (i don’t even need to explain myself for this), a little Top Gun: Maverick spoilers, and a little bit of angst sprinkled here and there.

pairings: Pete “Maverick” Mitchell x reader

word count: 1,940 words (7 minutes reading time)

author’s notes: This one got away from me, I didn’t mean for it to be this long lol. Let me know if I should write another part, though, because I do have one in mind 👀 smut is contained between dividers, so skip it if you want!

EDIT: part two is here!

The Hard Deck will always be your favorite place to wind down after a long day. You had just walked in and found a seat at the bar when Penny spotted a cellphone placed on the bar by the person next to you. She rang the bell and the bar erupted with cheers as the man groaned in exasperation.

“I’ll have a beer, please, Penny,” you chuckled.

“You got it, (Y/N),” she said, handing you a bottle of cold beer 

“Thanks,” you said to the man, lifting your beer up. He laughed and pulls his wallet, eager to close his tab before anyone can order more drinks.

You sipped your beer and looked around the room, the energy of the bar lifting up after Penny rang her bell just like it always does. That was when you spot Pete in his white uniform in your peripheral. 

“Hey! You’re looking fine,” You greeted him, slightly flirtatiously as you look at him donned in a crisp white uniform you have never seen him wear. Pete took slow steps to get to you and that was when you notice the sullen look on his face. “Everything okay?” You asked, walking to meet him halfway.

The chaos at the bar became distant echoes as he leaned closer to your ear, speaking just loud enough for you to hear amidst the loud ambience. Your breath caught in your throat as he pulled away to look at you.

He was called to do the mission. 

The dangerous mission he was not allowed to tell you much about, but you knew the severity of. You knew he’d be gone for a while, and you knew that there is a chance he might not be back at all.

You looked at him intently, the loud volume of the jukebox and the chatter of the patrons disappeared, as if someone had pressed mute on the remote control. He took your hand and led you out back. The sun was setting, a melancholic setup by nature to make your goodbyes even harder.

“First time I ever see you in this uniform and you come to tell me you’re going away,” you chuckled ironically as you cross your arms in front of your chest to keep out the cold as you kept your eyes at the waves crashing on the shore.

Pete took his hat off to look at you properly as you tried your best to keep all emotions at bay. “Come here,” he tugged your arm gently.

You faced him and he enveloped you in a long hug. You desperately wanted him to promise to come home, but you knew better than to do that. Not only can he not promise you, you also knew he would not think twice about sacrificing himself for the other pilots. You knew that asking that of him will only make things harder, so you pulled away and smile.

He swept a few strands of your hair away from your face and pulled you by the waist for a kiss. He kissed you slow as if to savor every second and study your every detail.

“Do you have to leave now?” You asked when he rested his forehead on yours.

He looked at his watch. He did not have to report until dawn, and the night is still fairly young. “We’ve got time,” he said.

Back at your place, the two of you did not even make it to the bedroom before he started kissing you urgently. His hand found the hem of your shirt and pulled it off. He then hoisted you up and carried you to the bedroom. He laid you down on the bed and began to unbutton his uniform jacket, making a point to give you an entire show. You bit your lower lip as you watched, his face temporarily disappearing from view as he pulled the white t-shirt underneath his uniform off.

Before you knew it, he was hovering on top of you. He dove in for a kiss on your lips and then trailed kisses along your cheek, your jaw, and down to your neck. One hand took off your bra and palmed your breast as he continued to leave bite marks on your neck. You could feel your body heating up from the anticipation.

He moved down and took your other breast into his mouth, sucking and gently biting the tender skin, making you whimper. He left kisses on your skin as he made his way down, hands unbuttoned your pants and pulling them off your legs. His finger toyed with your clit through your underwear and you gasped and closed your legs in reflex, as if he knew which button to press.

Pete chuckled, “Open up, baby,” he said as he took your underwear off. 

As soon as you part your legs, he wasted no time in devouring your slick pussy. He hummed in satisfaction, sending small vibrations on your sensitive nub.

“Ah...fuck!” You gasped, hand gripping the sheet underneath you. 

His tongue traced your sopping wet hole while his thumb took over your clit, varying the pressure as you buck your hips up, wanting more.

“You gonna cum for me?” He taunted, his lips returned to your clit to suck it while he inserted a finger into your tight core.

“Pete, please...” you begged.

He added another finger into your pussy and massaged your walls with them while his lapped at your clit. You trembled with pleasure, muscles tightened around his digits as you felt yourself getting closer and closer.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he urged you on, fingers moving faster on your pussy. “Let go.”

You moan out his name as he watched you come undone, your breathing erratic and your toes curled as he left kisses on your thigh while you rode out your climax. He undid his pants, kicked them off and used his fingers wet from your arousal to pump his own hard member, hovering over you once again while you tried to regain your breath.

“You okay?” He asked, grinning proudly at what he just did.

“Wonderful,” you sighed. You watched him pump his own cock and you could feel your pussy aching to be filled up with it. Your hand trailed down his body and you took his cock in your hand, pumping it and rubbing the tip against your slick pussy. 

He let out a grunt, trying to keep himself together. It was your turn to leave kisses on his neck; he rested his hand on the side of your head, gently caressing you with his thumb as his other hand gripped you tight on your hips. 

Impatient, his hand left your hips and seized your hand from his member, intertwining his fingers with yours above your head. “You ready for me?”

“Yes, Captain,” you whispered in his ear, desperate to feel him inside you. 

Pete growled at your words, lifted your thigh, and spanked your ass, causing you to giggle. He wanted to start slow, but hearing you call him that drove him crazy, so he lined his tip with your entrance and thrusts into you halfway with one quick motion, as if to give you a taste of your own medicine. 

You yelped and closed your eyes, throwing your head back while he smiled, trying his best to suppress his own groans at the feeling of your tight cunt wrapped around his cock. He pulled out just slightly before thrusting in again, almost all the way in this time.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he said under his breath.

“Hmm,” you hummed, tightening your muscles around him even more.

“Fuck,” he grunted, hanging his head low while you chuckle, loving the way you drive him crazy.

He kissed your lips, allowing you to adjust to his size before slowly thrusting in and out of your wet pussy. This time, you can no longer hold back your moans. You closed your eyes and squeezed his hand as you felt him stretching you with every thrust.

Your legs wrapped around his waist and he ground his pelvis with your clit every time he bottomed out inside you. The sensation drove you crazy. 

“Harder,” you gasped and he wasted no time in obliging. 

He angled his hips and thrusted into you, hitting your g-spot and sending sparks through your body. “There it is,” he smiled, hitting the spot again and again while you scream out his name. 

He decided to rub your clit with his fingers this time, focusing his thrusts so that he could feel every inch of you. 

Your muscles tightened around him when you felt his fingers on your clit. “Ah! Daddy!” you whimpered while he grunted at the sensation of your cunt squeezing him.

“I know, baby,” he spoke through his own heavy breathing. 

“I’m cumming,” you managed to say in between your moans.

“Not yet, sweetheart,” Pete said. “I want you to cum with me,” he added, moving faster this time. 

You moaned louder at his speed, your fingernails carving into the skin on his back. You tried to hold yourself back, but the feeling of his cock ramming inside you was not exactly helping. “Daddy, I can’t,” you hissed, your moans escaping you involuntarily now as you felt the coils deep inside you winding tight. 

“Yes, you can,” he urged. “Come on, sweetheart, just a little more,” he said, grunting in your ear as his own climax approached. 

He continued to thrust into you and just as he felt himself about to cum, he brushed his hand on your face. “Look at me,” he said and you opened your eyes to look into his green eyes that looked slightly a darker grey in this light. “Cum with me, baby.”

Your legs trembled as you came, head spinning from one of the best climax you have ever felt. The feeling of his cock shooting ropes of warm cum inside you made you cum just that much harder. Pete buried his head into your neck as he came, his hips thrusting short hard thrusts inside you while you squeezed him tight.

Tired and spent, he collapsed on top of you. The two of you refusing to move as he stayed inside you, leaving gentle kisses on your neck as you both try to regain your breathing. Pete looked into your eyes and your hand moved to brush his short hair out of his forehead.

Promise me you’ll come home, you wanted to say. But you held yourself back again. Instead you just kissed him once again.

The two of you spent the rest of the night talking and ordering pizza for dinner. As the conversation slowly withered and the night grew, you realized you were going to have to let him go soon. You turned your eyes to the clock. 11.30pm.

“You should get some sleep,” you said. 

He took a glance at the clock and sighed. Turning off the lamp, he then pulled you close to him. You didn’t realize that sleep had taken over you. In your head, you were still talking to him, feeling his arms wrap around you and his fingers gently brushing your skin. 

In reality, Pete had gotten up at three in the morning and got dressed in his uniform once again. He watched you sleep for a little bit before pressing a long kiss on your forehead.

“Bye, sweetheart,” he whispered.

When you woke up in the morning, he was gone. A note left on your nightstand.

We’ve got time. - Maverick

taglist: @flyinlove

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my future Top Gun fics!

[reblog-house]

A Little Catching Up

Written for Hermit-a-day-May, day 12: Friends of Hermits. Or: Lizzie! ALSO written for @flashfictionfridayofficial prompt 252, "Spill The Tea"

Wc: 1000

Ao3: Here!

It’d been a while since Lizzie last saw her husband in person, since he joined Hermitcraft. Good. That meant she was able to focus on other stuff that was on her mind. And it’s not like they never spoke, anyway.

At first, they called every day, but now it was every week or so, and every time she did, he had another story to tell. Apparently, there was something about… clones of himself? A murder mystery? A murder mystery about the clones of himself? Honestly, she stopped trying to disentangle that thing. She was happy not understanding and just hearing her husband ramble.

And then, Joel got the idea of traveling together in his brain — ‘To get some inspiration for my base, Lizzie’ — and she was more than willing to indulge him.

It was nice, getting to catch up properly, to spend some time together, before they each had to go to their respective servers. It was a much needed trip, and they got to see some very wonderful builds. She may not be pulling inspiration from it for her own creations, but she’d be lying if she said seeing all the views didn’t revitalize her a little.

It’d been less than a week since they parted ways and Lizzie was boiling a pot of tea when her phone rang. It was Joel.

“Hey babe,” she greeted, bringing the phone to her ear.

“Hey Lizzie, what are you doing right now?” He spoke very fast. “Because I want to tell you something weird and don’t want you to break something.”

“Eh, nothing special,” she said, and with her phone now supported by her shoulder, she picked up the kettle before it could whistle. “Hit me with it.”

“Remember how I told you Etho was obsessed with me?”

“Uh, duh.” She began pouring the liquid into her cup.

“Well, apparently there’s someone worse.”

“That’s possible?” She asked sarcastically. “Wow.”

“Lizzie. I came back to like seven love letters addressed to me, Lizzie. Seven anonymous love letters!”

Lizzie choked and her grip on the kettle got unsteady. It spilled a bit around the cup. “Oh, crap.” It could’ve fallen on her.

“I know, what the hell! And the worst part is, he was convinced we had something going on, because someone left a sign on his base pretending to be me!”

She openly laughed now, and set the kettle with a clank before the boiling water could drop on her. He continued his pleas.

“I’m married, Lizzie! To you! And when I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him that way, he sent me a poem. A poem, Lizzie!”

Lizzie was delighted. She picked the mug with both hands and walked to the living room with it as he spoke.

“Did he, now?” She sat back onto her favorite armchair and set the mug on the side table.

“And now!” He was quickly growing agitated. Not in a negative way. Joels needed some agitation for enrichment. An agitated Joel was a sign of a healthy husband. “The context is too complicated to explain, but now I’m stuck having to make an armor stand –”

“Oh, armor stands! Your shrine for me was adorable. And little you! Oh I could just squish his cheeks.”

“...Thank you Lizzie. Right. Now I have to make an armor stand of myself professing my love to him or whatever so he leaves me alone.”

“Ha! Oh Joel, only you.”

“Only me? Lizzie, have some compassion. I’m dying over here!”

“I don’t know…” She brought the mug to her face and checked the color. Still a couple more minutes before she could drink it. “That seems like a Joel problem to me.”

He groaned, and she could just imagine him covering his face with his hands in frustration. She loved seeing him suffer.

“Right, the worst wife. She doesn’t listen to my suffering. I’m doomed. I’m in pain and she doesn’t empathize.”

She laughed again. “Well, if I’m so horrible of a wife, I think it’s time to go, now! My tea will be ready any minute now.” And with the most cheerful of tones. “Bye Joel! Good luck with the number one fan!”

There was a little moment of silence, and when Joel spoke again, it was like he was a different person. All the acceleration left his voice and who remained was the man she’d know for most of her life, who she would take strolls along the beach with, who proposed to her, who she spent a wonderful time with on their most recent trip. 

“Bye babe. It was nice talking to you. It’s… it’s been a strange few days. I think the trip made me realize how much I missed you.”

She melted a little and didn’t try to hide it in her voice. “Oh, Joel. I can imagine. I miss you too. It’s been three months now, since you joined. Can you believe that?”

“And yet it sometimes feels like the first week. Like I’m still very new to it all. It’s so strange. How has time passed that fast but also so slow?”

“Something only the ruler of Stratos would know.”

“What- that… doesn’t make any sense. Why would I from-”

“I love you Joel.”

“Love you too, Lizzie. Right, I have some projects to be working on. Not the stupid statue. I’ll postpone that as much as possible. Maybe one day I can sneak you in so you could see how my base is coming along. See how the trip has helped me”

“I would like that. Just be careful of Xisuma noticing me!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring you in when he’s offline. Okay, bye now.”

“Bye!”

And like that, she ended the call.

It truly was nice to see him having fun on his new server and making new friends. If unwanted love letters counted as a new friend. She chuckled to herself. The situations that man got himself into, sometimes…

But she loved him all the same.

[t0ast-ghost]

Watching Star Trek TOS for the first time, and here are my thoughts on episode three (Charlie “X”)! (I didn’t do episode two cause I just wanted to watch it but I love Bones)

- so far I really like the kid

- Kirk shut up, let Charlie talk

- oh no he’s frightened by the door :(((

- girls do not look THAT different, getting some bad vibes from you Charlie

- BONES!!! (Why does he stand like that, it’s so curved)

- “I want people to like me” oh god they gave this boy anxiety

- He’s learning about the patriarchy, like Ken

- Kirk making Bones tell Charlie about puberty, he looked so defeated

- SPOCKS EYESHADOW!!!

- Charlie gets a Kirk assigned father, it’s not Kirk himself but he did assign Bones to do it, can’t you see the man is tired Jim?!?

- why is she being mean to Spock in verses? Nvm this is fun and he’s enjoying her singing

- HE SLAPPED KIRKS BUTT WHAT

- “there’s no right way to hit a woman.. you know man to man.. uhh… you understand, Charlie?” That was the worst way to try and explain anything, Kirk

- “I put meatloaf in the ovens, now there’s turkeys, real turkeys” then Charlie’s little laugh

- aww they’re playing chess together, normal husband activities

- “you smell like a girl” “I feel hungry… all over” back the fuck up Charlie

- stop trying to get Bones to explain stuff to him, Kirk

- this episode is just so icky, one issue is that they can’t just have an adult conversation and they can’t explain anything properly to him, they’re just telling him no and that he’s wrong. It’s a good example of how concealing information doesn’t allow people to find their own morals but instead creates a bunch of rules which can be easily broken if the person doesn’t believe in them because they don’t understand the logic behind them. (Not saying that the boundaries they’re setting for him are wrong, he just can’t understand them because they’re not explaining shit)

- SHUT UP SAM HE’S TRYING- oops Sam’s gone

- damn that German expressionist lighting tho, like something out of metropolis

- I FUCKIN DARE YOU KIRK, PICK HIM UP SEE WHAT HAPPENS

- okay Kirk saying it’s his choice is good cause at least he’s teaching him that these things he does are his own actions

- “short tempered, because he doesn’t understand” cause you won’t explain shit without mind games and metaphors

- Spock and Bones DO NOT want to get involved

- when Charlie’s explaining what he did to the Antares Bones looks absolutely terrified (Bones sitting like that on the table is… I have many thoughts)

- OH NO UHURA!

- Don’t you dare call Spock Mr. Ears

- “Teenager with supernatural abilities realizes his full potential and decides to use it for evil NOT CLICKBAIT”

- Why would you do that, why would you turn her into an iguana

- GET HIM!!! Wait no! Janice!

- “I love you” “you don’t know what that means” good for her, fuck you Charlie

- He gave Kirk period pain

- “cause you need me to run the ship, and I need him” Spirk? It’s more likely than you think

- this slide from Bones

- “I don’t think you can handle anymore, you’ve reached your limit” Spock and Bones start fucking shit up immediately for Kirk

- Kirk was so ready to punch a bitch

- nice fucking try Charlie- oh Kirk is defending him- nvm he still gets yoinked

- imagine if Charlie becomes Q lol (is that a thing? Are they related?)

- well that’s done now… where’s Scotty, Sulu, and Checkov? (Sulu appeared shirtless in the credits as I wrote that)

Thanks for sticking around again :)

Here’s a link to the first ramble

And all the other rambles

Below the cut is some thoughts I had on the second episode

Some thoughts on episode 2 (The Man Trap):

- it was kinda funny seeing Jim be like “she’s old as fuck, just like Bones”

- I didn’t realize that was where “he’s dead, Jim” came from and my dad quotes it all the time

- it was interesting that even the creature referred to themselves as an animal

- McCoy in the ending where he really didn’t want to kill somebody he loved even if they were just the image

- would not want to be the person to explain what happened to her to Bones

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

More to Me

Pt 2 of Glaciated Memory AU | Master Of Ice Art | My Dearest Friend... (pt 1/prequel)

1k

When Zane found the blueprints in his father’s old lab, showing his design and revealing what he was, he thought it would be the last major discovery about himself that he would find.

Oh how wrong he ended up being.

He always had dreams. Prophecies. Memories. Not quite to the degree that Lloyd began to have them, but they came all the same.

When they needed to discover more about the serpentine war, they became all the more vivid.

He was fighting. For his friends. To defend them. Ice wrapped around him. His dark hands, the only exposed skin he had reached and pulled his friend to their feet. “Watch your step,” he told them. The man who looked up bore a resemblance to Lloyd in a distant way. His hair was a similar colour and he had a serious expression set on his face in a similar way, too weary to be on the face of someone so young, just like Lloyd.

“Thank you. We must hurry.”

The sounds of battle crept up behind him slowly as they ran. He used his powers to create ice walls left and right to keep their assailants out. They were heading somewhere. They were trying to get to something but what--

Dreams were a funny thing when you did not sleep. Even stranger was waking up.

Zane did not need to recharge. He had a self-sustaining power source. Still, sometimes he would still need rest if he overused it, not unlike his human counterparts needing sleep. Sometimes he would close his eyes and other times he would lay down and stare up at the stars or relax and read. Sometimes his eyes closed on their own, and although it was not sleeping, it was very close to it.

In this case he woke up with something in his chest pulsing, not unlike a heartbeat he thought. He didn’t need to breathe but he breathed anyway. In and out. Long and slow.

In all honesty he had never wondered. But now, it was time to ask.

“I’m gonna be totally honest with you, dude,” Jay said. “I have no idea what this is.”

Zane sat on the metal table in their little room set aside for experiments on the bounty, his chest compartment open, wires and things clipped and plugged inside and hooked up to the ship’s computers. His power source pulsed like a heartbeat as it always did, its bluish white light reflected in the color of his eyes. He contemplated Jay’s diagnoses.

“Nya and Pixal could not explain it either.”

“Oh, I was the last person you came to, awesome. Love that. I feel very appreciated and properly utilized.”

Zane smiled. “I did not wish to interrupt your gaming.”

“Sure, sure,” Jay waved his hand dismissively. “You don’t have to lie to me. I’m not real active with this kinda stuff anymore anyway.”

“Do you regret not being involved in it?”

“Eh,” said Jay, “I’ve got other stuff to fill the time now.”

“You can always come back to it.”

Jay paused to stare down at the wires and pliers in his hands for a long while.

“Maybe.”

Zane smiled. “I am sure Nya and Pixal would appreciate your company.”

.

Pixal was always very digitally focused. Despite being a nindriod himself, Zane had never felt the same pull towards technology that she did. He always operated off of instinct.

When they discussed it one time, Pixal had been intrigued about how he interacted with technology because, in her words, it seemed as though he operated things through feeling rather than numbers or calculations. Which was a funny thing to hear considering he was known by the rest of the team as the most calculating of the bunch.

Zane connected with technology the way he connected with his elemental power. Instinct, practice. He didn’t know the logistics of how it worked behind the scenes, behind the instinct and feeling. It had been that way since his first days training with Master Wu. His ‘sixth sense’, they called it. Now there were numbers that flashed across his vision when he calculated certain things, when he felt who was close and who was far. Then, it had been nothing but a feeling.

What a silly and confusing thing it was to not be human but to operate off of feeling.

“You’re different, Zane,” Pixal told him.

“Well,” said Zane, “I am a nindriod.”

“So am I,” Pixal told him. “And you are still different.”

That sat with him for a few days. He pondered on it quite a bit. Turning it over in his mind again and again. He was different, wasn’t he? Even in the body of a young adult without his memories he had always acted older than his counterparts. He had attempted to imitate and enjoy things with them and he truly had, but it had taken some practice.

Still, what he was remained a mystery. Not even Wu could comprehend what powered him.

“When I look, what I see is the element of ice, contained within you.That is all.”

Which, in and of itself, was a curious thing.

How was it possible for a vessel of technology to hold an element? How was it possible for the element to dwell in that vessel when it was passed from parent to child, through destiny and fate rather than human engineering?

“I guess we could try taking it apart,” Nya said. “But we don’t know what that would do to you.”

His core wasn’t what it used to be. There wasn’t a piece of it that he could spare. When the original source was destroyed by the overlord--when he had been destroyed by the overlord--the only piece that remained belonged to Pixal, who Chen’s men had dismantled to retrieve the remaining piece of Zane’s core from and place it into Zane’s new titanium body. That piece now resided in Zane’s chest as before. Small and there was no telling what would happen if they split it another time or if they chose to experiment on it, so what it was would remain a mystery.

For now.

Zane kept dreaming. He kept seeing a battle, feeling urgency. He kept seeing his father’s face, younger than he ever remembered witnessing.

In the end what he chose to do was visit the site of the battle that he kept dreaming about.

It was in an eastern area of the Birchwood forest. A distance away from his father’s original laboratory in a still snowy but warmer climate. He placed his hand on the frosted over birch that felt so familiar. He felt as though he had woven through them before despite never having set foot in this area of the forest. His father had never explored this far nor bothered to leave the lab.

It was curious. That it felt so familiar. Curious that he felt… no, he knew he’d been here before, but according to Pixal no one had set foot in this forest since the war had ended.

He scanned his surroundings. He could feel when his titanium skin started to frost over after being there for a few hours.

“Have you found what you are looking for?” Pixal inquired, her voice settling comfortably inside his head as it had when she had no body to linger elsewhere. It was something that was familiar too. Something that was a memory that he knew he had experienced himself.

“I am not sure,” he confessed. “It’s a strange feeling, is all.”

“What will you do?”

“I will come back home.”

And he did just that.

“Find anything?” Kai asked him when he landed on the deck of the Bounty. He was sitting on the steps leading up to the control cabin.

“Nothing but old graves, I’m afraid.”

“Too bad. You’ll figure it out eventually. Just let us know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Kai. I will.”

There were curious things about himself he could not put his finger on, but he would always have his friends there to help him discover and support him if what he found was not what he expected.

“I heard you’ve been having dreams.”

Zane glanced to see Cole leaning against the doorframe of his room. “Yes.” He watched as Cole entered, taking his response as the invitation it was. He came to sit next to him on the bed Zane didn’t need but still used.

“Have you talked to Lloyd about it?”

“Not yet. I was attempting to investigate first of all. If I were having visions of the future I would have initiated discussion with haste, but to my knowledge thus far they are things of the past.” Saying what he thought they were--the previous master of ice’s memories--felt inaccurate somehow. Saying they belonged to someone else didn’t feel right. And if Zane had learned anything from his time living, it was that his feelings often allowed him to see while logic blinded him.

He closed his eyes and breathed for a moment despite the fact he did not need to.

“What do you feel like it is?”

When he opened his eyes Cole was watching him. He was the first person to ask him that. Not what he thought it was. What he felt.

He remained still as he thought for a minute. “Something. I feel it is something.”

“It’s not nothing. It’s something,” Cole repeated.

“Yes.” Zane said.

“Okay,” said Cole. Zane could hear in his tone that he believed him. “So what next?”

“I follow where I feel.”

“Like always then,” Cole smiled.

Zane smiled slowly back. “Yes. Like always.”

It was comforting to know Cole trusted his instincts. That his family trusted his instincts. At times he did not feel he deserved such intense trust, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

Like Cole said, whatever this was, he’d figure it out.

He was Zane, Elemental Master of Ice. Titanium Ninja. And possibly, if his theories were correct… something more.

[polyklok]

Dethklok does not care about each other

They all know the rule; Do not show interest, care, or intervene with bandmate’s personal lives. That’s been set in stone from the beginning. They tolerate each other at most, borderline on hate. It’s what keeps the music genuine.

Nathan didn’t care when Pickles suddenly broke down into hard, silent sobs one night after getting a call from his mother, which has essentially been 45 minutes of insults and criticism. He wasn’t showing interest as he took Pickles into his arms, shushing him, gently telling him that all those awful things she said were completely untrue. Trying to reassure him that he was just as important to his family as his brother was, despite his parents never showing it, holding him close as Pickles heaved in his inhaler, pressing his cheek onto his back, listening to his heartbeat steadily decline in speed. He wasn’t intervening when he suggested that they watch Pickle’s favorite movie (Son in Law, 1993), share a bottle of whiskey, inevitably falling asleep while under the same blanket.

Or when William was having a particularly awful day, hiding away in his room to spend hours just staring at himself in the mirror, pointing out the most his greatest insecurities and all the smallest flaws to himself. Skwisgaar wasn’t concerned, not at all! He was just pissed to not have seen his bandmate all damn day when they had previously agreed to spend time together, and so he marched down to William’s room to chew him out when he found Murderface crying and yelling at Skwisgaar to “Go away!” Skwisgaar didn’t mean to yell back that Murderface was “Reallys not even thats bads, you’re beings a baby! You’re pretty enoughs for me!” And, just to prove it, suddenly pull him in for a kiss that left William absolutely breathless. It wasn’t care, he was just knocking sense into him, he’d do it again if he absolutely had to.

Even when Toki joined the band, backstage before his very first live show, nervously pacing and itching at the many scars along his arms, his cheeks flushed red and stinging with nerves, Pickles wasn’t being nice as he sat him down, taking Toki’s hands into his own to prevent anymore damage and guiding him through some deep breaths. Pickles let him take a few puffs off of his joint as he applied the band’s signature white and black face makeup to Toki, making sure to be gentle, and he told him, ‘Cahlm down, hun, yer gonna do just great,” just because he couldn’t have Toki screwing up on stage…not because it was worth it to see him relax and grow passionate as he played.

When Nathan has walked into the kitchen at some sort of ungodly hour of the night and found Murderface…cooking? He was shocked to catch William in the middle of cutting up a head of broccoli, even more shocked to find that whatever he was cooking smelled absolutely fantastic. William bashfully explained that he was craving his Grandmother’s ‘broccoli mac ‘n cheese casserole’ And didn’t trust Jean-Pierre to make it correctly and so decided to do it himself. Nathan said he’ll have some “If isn’t total shit.” And Murderface replied “Only if you don’t tell the othersch like an asschhole!” And so the two ate in a strangely comfortable silence, knees resting together under the table, hands occasionally brushing, only interrupted when Nathan noted it was “Pretty damn good.”

When Toki’s old, cheap, worn-down guitar he had bought in Norway finally broke, he was devastated. He kept insisting to the band that it played just fine, but no amount of duck tape or superglue had any hope helping it now. Skwisgaar understood how he felt, he had quite the emotional attachment to his own first guitar. So he reluctantly took Toki to go get a replica made, being very strict with the manufactures that it had to be just like the original. For the week it was being made, Skwisgaar even let Toki practice on his own guitar, sitting behind him, wrapping his arms around in order to properly place his fingers, Toki’s head going cloudy whenever he felt Skwisgaar’s hot breath on his neck gently muttering praise whenever he got something right.

When Pickles and William got absolutely shitfaced together, slurring song lyrics as they stumbled through the halls of Mordhaus, occasionally clinking together their bottles of booze before finally crashing down onto the couch. Murderface taking another glug, wiping his mouth, and then taking the time to truly look at his drinking partner. Laughing hysterically as Pickles raised an eyebrow, finally manage to chuckle out that he had the ‘hugestsch fuckin’ crusch on you in the ninetiesch, and now you’re here!…with me!” His eyes growing teary from a mixture of nostalgia and intoxication and incredible relief at the confession. When Pickles gently laughed along, keeping his eyes focused on the floor, ignoring the fact that they had a very similar night to this about a year ago, which has a very happy ending, that William had surely forgotten by now.

When Skwisgaar and Nathan were together in the recording studio; Nathan pacing back and forth whilst Skwisgaar watched from the couch, idly plucking at his guitar. Together, they pondered lyrics and melodies for their next album, scratching off anything that didn’t fit Dethklok’s branding to a tee whilst remaining exciting and original. Their ideas came together in unison, inching their faces closer only to pull away for the next proposal. Nathan darting out all the concepts from his brain at rapid speed, Skwisgaar managing to envision them within seconds and give him feedback. It was almost dance-like, graceful and balanced. After hours, the two finally agreed on a rough draft, just like they had accomplished many times before. But this time, right before he left the room, Skwisgaar gained the balls to put a single hand on Nathan’s chest, kiss his cheek, and mumble “Bra jobbat, vackert.”

When William had burst into Toki’s room to show of the authentic civil war Lemat pistol he had just won in an auction, only to be met with a confused smile and nod, as Toki knew very very little about America’s history. And so, while he continued to put together a model plane at his desk, Murderface stood behind him, very animatedly retelling the story of the Civil war, including details that no one except him would bother to remember. Toki would up occasionally, seeing William’s eyes absolutely sparkling as he spoke. About halfway through his rant, Murderface realized he was doing the exact thing people got so annoyed at him for, t the exact thing his grandmother used to scream at him for, “Ugsch…whatever, you probablych don’t care.” Toki stopped what he was doing, turning around to touch William’s hand, looking up at him with those glorious baby-blues and said “I do cares. Keeps going.”

When Skwisgaar had just been kicked out of the shitty, low-class band of Smugly Dismissed, his third one that year alone, not because of his playing or even cocky attitude, but because of his dumb, shitty English. It was late. He had been living in a too-small apartment with them, and so it just dawned on him he was currently homeless as well. He flopped onto the nearest park bench to clear his racing head. Tears of frustration pricked his eyes, angry at himself for not picking up the language nearly as quickly as he thought he would, angry at them for not being just a bit more patient. He swung the guitar around his torso, instinctively playing his irritation out on the instrument. It wasn’t plugged it anywhere, so it didn’t sound it’s best, but it blended it well with the Los Angeles soundscape. A voice caught him off guard, “Fu-uck, yer fingers are fast! How’re you doin’ dat?” He paused, head snapping up. Right there was…someone familiar. Skwisgaar froze, a mixture of shocked to find that he wasn’t alone, terrified that the man had ill intentions, and confusion on what he just said in such a strange accent. He was short, scrawny, but had an absolute lion’s mane of fire-red hair. Skwisgaar squinted, hadn’t he seen him…on stage somewhere? His clothes certainly suggested some sort of Rock ‘N Roll lifestyle. He had a bottle of wine, halfway empty, in his hand. “Uhh, you…spelar er-music? Gutairs, uh, sångare. Du är en musiker.” The man through his head back in laughter, “No English? Dats fine. Let the guitar speak fer ‘ya” Skwisgaar certainly understood guitar, so while the man plopped himself down on the grass and continued to chug down the wine, he played for him.

When Toki had been wandering the halls of Mordhaus, only wearing boxers and his blanket draped around his shoulders, mumbling unintelligibly. He made his way to the nearest balcony, leaning over the rail and shivering at the cold, stale air of the night. It was one of those rare moments that seemed to be in absolute silence. Nathan found him, having received his random, late night text about nightmares, and didn’t hesitate to pull him back inside. It was routine at this point. “You gotta stop doing this, man.” Nathan told him, which Toki only hummed at. He sighed, pressing his lips against the top of Toki’s head, inhaling the sweet, apple-like scent of his shampoo. They slowly crumbled to the marble floor, tangled within each other. Eventually, they’d move to Nathan’s room, but they just wanted to be there, in the moment.

If anyone asked, was never interest, care, intervention. It wasn’t concern when they coaxed each other into comfort at difficult moments; it wasn’t intimacy when they shared the deepest forms of contact; it wasn’t fondness when they spent hours together just because. Dethklok was too metal for that, too brutal. You could never be as ruthless as they were if you showed such…love.

Sorry if this was absolute dogshit, it’s really late, I’m tired, was switching between this and an essay that was already late, and I didn’t proofread at all. Just needed some Dethklok fluff.

[amberstormblade]

It's almost 3am here so I'm gonna try my best to make this coherent! TwitchSMP Viking lives in my brain rent free along with about a million other Vikings. Recently, he got messed up in lore! And my brain came up with this idea and wouldn't let it go so here's T!Viking having a really bad time!

Ruby was sick. Ruby was sick. His sister best friend was sick and maybe even dying because some weird fourth dimensional being decided to destroy her body whenever she possessed her. Ruby was sick and Viking was doing his best not to panic but it wasn’t going very well. Especially since his head wouldn’t stop pounding. Part of it could have been that he hadn’t slept properly in days, too concerned that Ruby’s condition would worsen and that they would be left to suffer alone. He also kept thinking through the conversation he’d had with the other Ruby, trying to remember the moments surrounding his blackouts and failing miserably.

That’s what led him here, prepping another round of health potions in a brewing stand while simultaneously making up another batch of soup and trying not to scream as it felt like something was pounding at the inside of his skull. He’d take another potion in a bit and pretend he was fine for Ruby’s sake. He didn’t want to make them worry so it was best to just act as normal as he could until they were better. Once that happened, if he still felt like crap, he’d probably just hide away in some hole somewhere until things were better, more manageable. He laddled some soup into a bowl just as the potions made a gurgling sound, letting him know that they had finished brewing. He quickly chugged one and sighed as it gave him a slight reprieve from the attack in his skull then stowed the other two away to give to Ruby with their meal.

Viking walked the short distance between their houses and knocked on the door before letting himself in. Ruby sitting up and mostly awake was a very welcome sight, as he’d been sleeping most of the time to keep the pain and misery at bay. Gritting his teeth, Viking gave what he hoped to be a reassuring smile as his headache struck again, a sudden sharp pain spreading from his temples to almost behind his eyes. 

“Hey Ruby, how’re you feeling this lovely evening?” He crossed the room to his bed and set the soup in order to grab the potions out. He reached out a hand to feel for a fever and noticed it had gone down quite a bit.

Ruby gave a little cough and cleared their throat. “I’m actually feeling a lot better, I guess bedrest and potions really do wonders for a person. I think I might try stretching my legs for a bit tomorrow. A walk around the beets sounds nice.” They gave Viking a tired smile as they accepted the first potion from him, humming as it took effect.

“Oh? Are you sure you’re ready for something like that? Do you want me to come with you?” The sudden panicked feeling that had overcome him was making it feel like someone was going crazy on a drum in his skull. Viking knew he wouldn’t be able to hide this much longer but he needed to make sure his sister was going to be safe. He didn’t know what he would do if she collapsed by herself out in the fields.

She gave a slight laugh. “Since when were you so protective? Besides, I’ll be fine! Vintage is going to be with me. She knows I’ve been sick lately and wants to help keep me company, she’s just been busy. I’m sure you’ve been dying for some free time too, taking care of me for almost an entire week can’t be very fun.”

“Hey now! Don’t put yourself down like that, you’re my-my best friend, of course I’m gonna worry.” He stumbled over his words slightly, almost calling her something else, something that he wouldn’t know how to explain. “I’m here to help you out for as long as you need it, and that’s a promise. If you’re sure you’ll be okay with Vintage tomorrow, I’ll give you two space! I just, I want to make sure that you’ll be okay.” Viking could feel his eyes starting to water. He couldn’t tell if it was because of the conversation, the pain spiking in his head again, or a combination thereof. He cleared his throat and stood up a little too quickly, having to blink spots out of his vision. “You should probably get some more rest, can’t wander the fields while napping now can we!”

Ruby sighed a bit, tired eyes searching him for something they couldn’t quite find. “You better get some rest too! Can’t have you being a hypocrite.” They smirk a bit as they once again snuggle into their bed, soup and potions finished and energy slightly more depleted. “Good night, Viking.” They yawn.

Viking whispers back “Good night, Ruby. May your sleep be dreamless.” Seeing his sister actually comfortable for the first time in days was amazing.

Quietly closing the door behind him, however, he knew he was on a timer now. The potions never seemed to help him for long and the headache was coming back fast. He was starting to panic at the thought of being caught in such a weakened state so he did the only thing he knew. He ran. Passed his house, through the beets, down the hole, passed the cactus, not thinking about anything except needing to get away from any prying eyes, about needing to hide.

For reasons unknown to even himself, he ended up back at the clock tower, the place where things turned for the worst it seems. He’d had headaches before, had moments where he figured someone else had been in control but he wasn’t too worried about it since Vikings help Viking after all. Everything seemed to have shifted after Sapphire knocked him out. The headaches were stronger, more frequent and he felt like he was constantly teetering on the edge of something bigger than himself. The thought that maybe not all Vikings were wanting to be helpful was terrifying. He found himself resisting letting anyone else through but the more he resisted, the worse the pain got. He tried to safely make his way to the bottom of the cavern, not wanting to go in the tower itself and ended up slipping halfway, just barely landing in a pool at the bottom. Quickly crawling out and coughing up the little bit of water he had ingested, he started to shake and curl up into a ball. Something was trying to break out of his head, that was the only explanation for why it was practically killing him. Knowing he was alone down here and that no one would probably come looking for him for a while should have been a relief but it just added an extra level of pain. The first tears started to spill as he began to scream. Thrashing around as though possessed, he accidentally hit his head on a rock causing his vision to go white with the pain. He caught a glimpse of himself in the pool. He didn’t recognize his own reflection, face contorted in agony, skin pale as snow, his eyes almost didn’t seem to be the right color for a second. His own shrieks were echoing back at him and the shadows seemed to laugh and jeer at his misery. At some point, he’d rolled over to an area that was just pure stone, no moss covering it or anything. He pressed his head against the cold slab beneath him and started beating his hands against it to stop them from tearing out his own hair. This went on for ages, a performance of agony for a crowd of ghosts, echoes of a forgotten past cheering as it continued. His voice had died long ago and yet screams still crawled from his throat. Viking could barely move now, it was all he could do to just hold his head and hope it stopped soon. He couldn’t see anymore, vision too blurred and spotted to make anything out. Dry sobs wracked his body as it hopefully came to an end. Maybe the pain was finally gone or maybe he was too far gone to feel it. Either way, unconsciousness came calling and he had not the strength to deny it. As everything finally faded, he swore he heard someone calling his name.

[oldestenemy]

history unheeded is doomed to repeat - Part 1

Malorn finds the wizard while they are staring up at Bartleby’s deteriorating canopy. They had not been happy to find themself in Ambrose’s office again, running around at his beck and call—but the wizard is not going to refuse Bartleby a request. Certainly not one so important as this.

They tell as much to Malorn when he asks what they’re here for—and how long.

“I’ve got time before the next class—mind if I come along?”

The wizard hums a quiet affirmative, this shouldn’t take much time, and given the area it didn’t seem likely to be much of a danger. Malorn could come and see his old Professor’s home. And with that in mind—

“Do you know the way?” The wizard asks him, “Ambrose and Dworgyn didn’t actually tell me anything beyond the Dark Cave.”

Malorn confirms that he does in fact know where Malistaire’s house lies in the Dark Cave, and leads the way. They walk in easy silence for most of it, not as much time has passed now since their last visit. Nothing is as fraught as it had been before Darkmoor. They ask if he or the others have had any word on where Duncan had gone, but there has still been no sign.

“Was everything alright? In Polaris?”

“Finished a revolution, danced a ballet, overthrew a walrus, fought a Rat, stopped a synthetic Titan from blowing up the sky, saved the Spiral again. Met another eccentric acquaintance of Cyrus Drake’s.” They’ve decided it’s easier to trivialize things like this when explaining them to their friends. It will startle them a little less than the proper truth. “Made a new human friend, haven’t done that in a while.”

“Someday we’re gonna talk about this properly you know. Penny’s going to make you.”

The wizard smiles weakly, “I know. But not today, another crisis—right?”

Malorn looks like he wants to protest, but shakes his head and sighs. “Right. The friend—it’s the new life student right? Mellori?”

The wizard nods, “She spent her whole life sheltered in the woods in Polaris, I think she’s a little disappointed to be stuck doing classwork honestly.”

“Can’t relate,” Malorn says with a smile, “just the little bit of saving the world I got a taste of with you was plenty. Ah—right here.”

The house of Malistaire and Sylvia Drake is dimly lit and dusty. Cobwebs mark every corner, but so do keepsakes and portraits displaying lighter times. This isn’t just a house of death, but one reminding of an abundance of life as well. Harmony woven into the walls themselves. It’s clear standing anywhere within how much love there was here. Even long dead, even with the undercurrent of something wrong.

It’s powerful.

It’s comforting in a sad kind of way.

Still.

As the wizard and Malorn move deeper, it becomes evident that something is concealed. Malorn joins the fight when the Spectral Guardian appears—though only after the wizard nods him forward, silently saying it’s fine, you can. They appreciate that he waits. That he knows better than to throw himself at their enemies without a second thought.

And then they’re inside the sanctum. The desk is littered with papers and an open journal. The pair pour over it in the hopes of finding answers. For once, the reading is not accompanied by Raven’s voice. Rather, the wizard can almost hear it in Malistaire’s, as though he is sat before them, scribbling in a fevered manner all his attempts to bring Sylvia back.

A group of scholars split apart. Schismists. Answers for where he’d learned of the Krokonomicon, and how perhaps to awaken the Dragon Titan. More hidden information, more names that mean nothing. But at least a clue to where the Eye of History lay now. Something to give them a clear path forwards.

Their thoughts are broken by the approach of footsteps on tile outside.

“Someone is coming—hide—don’t argue!” the wizard hisses, shoving Malorn back towards the curtains with one hand. They don’t feel confident in him facing something that knows about what’s hidden here. The Guardian had been one thing, it had been set up by Malistaire himself. But even if they’re taking the brunt of the damage—they don’t want Malorn facing something like what they’ve seen in Khrysalis or even Polaris. They won’t put him in that kind of danger. Not again.

They look back down to the journal, eyes scanning over the last page.

Schismists.

Krokonomicon.

Mirage.

Had all of it been interconnected from the start?

“I knew it would be you,” The wizard’s heart sinks at the voice in the doorway, looking up from Malistaire’s journal to find Duncan Grimwater striding towards them—still wearing the armor they’d crafted him for Darkmoor. “You can’t help but keep being Ambrose’s pet can you.”

How long has it been now?

It had been five months at graduation. They’d spent only a few weeks in Polaris.

There had been no sign.

No word.

“I’m trying to help Bartleby.” They say softly, “He needs his eye back—”

“—Oh shut up, like you aren’t just jumping at the chance to make up for another mistake. Unfortunately for you, I’ve made powerful friends—and they won’t be letting that journal go to Ambrose or the Arcanum.”

“Is this what you’ve been doing for months,” They start, still not moving from the desk. “getting dragged into running errands for some doomsday group?”

“I’m not running errands.” Duncan growls, “And after I bring them the journal and tell them about your defeat, I’ll be a full fledged member.”

“Duncan,” The wizard tucks Malistaire’s journal into their bag, eyes not leaving him. “I don’t know who you’ve gotten tied up with—I don’t know what they promised you or what you get out of it—but you’re standing between me and the exit again. Don’t make this mistake.”

Duncan just shakes his head, an angry painful sounding laugh bubbling out of him. “No, no—sorry wizard—” he spits it like the word tastes foul, and honestly, maybe it does. “—but it’s you making the mistake this time. Go ahead. Try and leave. You’re not the only one who can play with the shadows anymore.”

“Stop it.” It’s low and gentle as they can push their voice to be right now, head swimming with more questions than before. “Please, just come with me—we can sort all of this out—”

“—do you ever listen to anyone?” Duncan cuts back over them, “Can you just not help but get involved in everything? You need to feel useful and powerful and special? Your time is over wizard—the Spiral’s time is over with it.”

They grit their teeth and step down from the platform where the desk stands. There is a small amount of gratification that comes when Duncan steps away. A small flicker of their ever present rage that bubbles up in satisfaction. “Do you think I want to do this? To be this? Do you think I enjoy being ordered around by people supposedly older, wiser, stronger than I am who won’t bring themselves to lift a finger to help? Did you listen to anything I said in Castle Darkmoor? Do you think I have any compassion left for the council? Or Ambrose himself? My loyalty starts and ends with keeping the Spiral intact—everything and everyone else is secondary bordering on pointless.” The words aren’t entirely true. But true enough. It feels like that day in Nightside reversed. Following him step for step with their voice rising. “I have tried time and again to get it through your thick skull-emblazoned head that I’m not special, your jealousy over the things I’ve done because I had no choice is unfounded and beyond that horrifying.”

Gods and starlight.

They don’t want to do this.

There is a circle here under their feet.

Duncan’s grip tightens on his staff—the new one—the echo of Malistaire in his hands.

They don’t want to do this.

…But clearly he does.

Fine.

Fine.

If he wants to play at being important. If he wants to be in their way.

Let him taste what that’s like.

They take the last step towards him and slide into position within the dueling circle. Their deck sits before them, they know it wouldn’t be hard to end this. But he wants to see? Wants to feel powerful? Let him.

“First one is free.” The wizard tells him, a smile splitting their face that is mirthless and cold. Glad for now that their hood is down, that their expressions are clear. That the scars they have from saving him and the other necromancers in Nidavellir are on full display. “I’ll even make it easy—I’m sure you know what to do—” As expected, he swaps both feints they cast. Leaving him with enough of a boost that it should knock them down if he’s not stupid. “—Good.”

Everything else is a pass. Cards dismissed. Just waiting.

“Why aren’t you fighting!” It’s thrown him off, they’re pleased to see. Everything he does is with hesitation. He was ready for someone who was going to bite back—not stand there and take it. He came in expecting the ruthlessness he’d seen in Nidavellir, or even the apprehensive but driven state they’d been in for Darkmoor. Not passive play. It’s the Fiend that crawls up behind him, the wizard figures it ought to be plenty. They don’t know where he would have learnt it, unless he’d managed to copy what he’d seen them do once.

The smile drops, “Like I said,” another pass, just one more turn “first one is free.”

And free it is. The dark fiend slithers across the dueling circle and impacts against them hard, definitely enough, though only just—

They get to see the moment of shock on his face—but then they are heaving on hands and knees in the commons, the brightness of daylight overwhelming after Malistaire’s candlelit sanctum. It had hit them square where the scar on their sternum is, and there is a phantom ache mixing with the real one. But they push to their feet, downing a potion and drawing the recall sigil that lands them right in the open doorway—at Duncan’s back.

“—Ready for the real one?”

Duncan curses and jumps a mile, whipping around to see them leaning on the door frame. “How—how did—”

“—oh come on—you didn’t think one little shadow spell could finish me did you?” The wizard grumbles, “After everything I’ve been through? After the little bit you’ve seen? You want to be me? You’ve been playing at it, doing all sorts of running around trying to please powers you know nothing about. You want to know what it’s really like—?” they step fully into the room, reactivating the duel circle. “—then hit harder. I know you can. Don’t strike to knock me down. You want to see what I deal with? Aim to kill.”

This time they aren’t waiting.

This time blades go up, traps go down, aura light spins around them, Sun enchantments wait on the trigger for Mystic Colossus. It’s perhaps not the thing that makes the most sense against a solo opponent, but they don’t particularly care, it will be enough, and that’s all it needs to be. A gift from Darkmoor to remind Duncan who he’s dealing with.

And this time he is quiet and glaring—they can see the fear tick up with every buff they conjure. They don’t give him time to summon the Fiend, they don’t balk at the damage they take, they just wait on that single dose of Shadow and then—

The Colossus horn blares through the small room, ceilings barely tall enough to accommodate the spell.

And it’s over.

He’s on the ground clutching his staff to stay upright.

The wizard blinks.

Sees Lorcan in Penny’s projection. Waiting to be ripped apart.

It passes.

The spark of rage along with it.

Leaving guilt and regret sour on their tongue.

“I bet you think this means you won don’t you.” He spits it between heaved breath. Some of his bravado returned now that it’s obvious they’re properly finished. “You have no idea what the people on my side have planned. The Arcanum and their scholars chose the wrong side of the schism—and you’re all going to pay for it.”

The celestial calendar echoes through their head. A foretold moment passed. You’re going to regret this.

And they do.

Gods they do.

“Come with me.” They say again, quiet and dangerously close to a plea.

Duncan just glares back.

“Fine.” They spit, turning back to Malistaire’s desk. “Get out of here, go into hiding before anyone but me figures out what you’re tangled up in.” They don’t have any more energy to talk. But this time he listens. They hear it as he scrambles to his feet and the slam of the door follows behind him.

Silence.

Peace.

“Wizard?”

Dammit. Malorn.

Read the whole series here <3

[fateinthestars]

Star-Crossed Myth Fluffbruary Fanfic (29th Feb): Starlight (Scorpio/MC)

Title: Starlight

Fandom: Star-Crossed Myth

Genre: Fluff

Rating: T

Pairing: Scorpio/MC (MC’s name left blank so you can fill it in with whatever you wish in your head)

Word Count: 805

Written for Prompt: February 29 : breakfast | valley | sign for @fluffbruary

February 29th: Starlight (Scorpio/MC)

___ sighed softly to herself as she headed over to the breakfast buffet at the inn in the valley where she was staying with her work colleagues and a handful of planetarium patrons. She had not been surprised when her boyfriend had made it clear that he wouldn’t be able to accompany her on this work outing, too much work of his own to do, but still silly little things were reminding her of him and how she probably wouldn’t be seeing him for a few days.

Take now for instance: It was still extremely early as they were hoping to catch a meteor shower, but unlikely to have time to head back here in time for the inn’s usual breakfast time they had agreed to set a buffet up in the early hours of the morning instead. Really she should either be looking forward to watching the spectacle in the skies or wanting to go to bed as she hadn’t had much sleep, but what she was actually thinking was:

They have apples as a breakfast option on this buffet table. I’m sure if he was here he’d demand I  turn one into ‘those things’.

A loving smile unconsciously crept across her face and she picked up an apple to go along with the cereal she had already picked out.

After eating her breakfast, she turned her attention back to the apple once more. Now she had it in her hand, what had come over her before felt silly. She didn’t really want to eat it but…

“___?” Hiyori asked with concern. “Something wrong with your apple?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, no. It’s just…” she hesitated, unsure how she would even explain any of this to her or the others. “I don’t suppose anyone has a knife?”

“Don’t fancy biting into it whole? Can’t say I blame you,” came a chuckle from one of the older patrons of the planetarium. Reaching into his pockets he handed ___ a pocket knife. “Hopefully this’ll be good enough.”

“Thank you!”

***

A while later, ___ looked up at the sky as they settled down on the grass to look at the meteor shower that was due any minute. Her eyes widened: Instead of being greeted by vague outlines of stars she could clearly make out the scorpio constellation. She smiled brightly to herself, feeling very touched. ___ hadn’t been sure Scorpio had even taken in the details she had told him about this trip but he had clearly been listening intently. There was no doubt in her mind that he had deliberately enhanced his own constellation to let her know that he was thinking about her, even if he could not be here right now. So entranced by looking at the sky, she was scarcely aware of someone putting their hand on her shoulder.

“Tch, like I would ever do anything as ludicrous as that,” came a familiar voice from behind her. “Here must be just a good view point.”

___ turned her head sharply to look over her shoulder as she heard Scorpio’s voice, trying not to smirk as she saw the way he was blushing despite his very vocal denial. “Sure, sure, and I guess you were just passing for a Punishments job? I thought you couldn’t make it this weekend?” she retorted, keeping her voice low so the others didn’t overhear their conversation.

Scorpio smirked at her. “I said I couldn’t make the whole weekend. Doesn’t stop me from coming down here briefly.”

“So you were thinking of me too!”

“Don’t be stupid, woman! I just…” Scorpio trailed off, his eyes widening: partly as he realised she’d used the word ‘too’ meaning she had clearly been thinking of him, but also because he had just noticed something sticking out of the top of her bag. “Is that…”

___ initially frowned at his unasked question, then blushed as she recalled what she had randomly done that morning and what it was he could see. Opening her bag properly, she took out the rabbit apple and handed it to him.

“Why did you make one of these?” Scorpio asked as he took it, grinning at her. “Don’t tell me you were missing me that much?”

“... What if I said yes?”

Scorpio’s face went bright red. He glanced away from her. “Tch… I told Zig I’d only be a few minutes… I guess from his parting words about being able to manage for a while he knew I’d never be able to keep to that… what have you done to me?”

___ laughed lightly and tugged at his hand, getting him to sit down beside her on the grass.

Leaning her head onto his shoulder, ___ glanced back up at the sky as the meteor shower started, smiling softly to herself as Scorpio wrapped an arm around her waist.

[fanficshiddles]

Villain Or Victim, Chapter 16 (Final Chapter)

As Echo stood, she moved in to hug Loki. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight as he kissed the top of her head.

‘I told you I’d always come back for you.’ He whispered.

Echo pulled her other hand down from her sleeve, she had one of Natasha’s electrical bracelets on, and she pressed it against Loki’s side, electrocuting him.

‘NOW!’ She yelled at the team.

As Loki fell to the ground, shaking badly from the electrocution, it was long enough for the team to jump into action. Thor rushed in and as soon as Echo stopped the bracelet, Thor rolled Loki over and was able to put the cuffs on him he’d gotten from Odin. They stopped Loki from using any of his powers.

Natasha and Clint then got Echo away from Loki. She was shaking as she was rushed onto the jet, Natasha managed to calm her down and comfort her as Clint flew them back to base.

‘You never have to see him again. I promise.’ Natasha said as she hugged her.

‘I thought… I thought for a moment that he had me again.’ Echo whispered.

‘I believed in you, I knew you could do it. I never doubted you for a second.’ Natasha smiled.

‘Neither did I!’ Clint called back to them.

Natasha just rolled her eyes, but didn’t let on to Echo that he was worried for a moment.

While they took Echo back, the rest of the team dealt with Loki. They didn’t want to waste any time or risk anything else happening, so while Tony recorded Loki’s arrest to broadcast to the world in hopes that it would help stop the war, Thor prepared Loki for traveling back to Asgard. He also placed a muzzle over his mouth so he wouldn’t have to deal with his chatter on the journey back.

‘Thank you again, friends. I will return once my brother has been properly punished for what he’s done here… Tell Echo thank you.’ Thor said as he looked around the team.

‘Don’t be away for too long, Thor. We could do with your help to stop this war.’ Steve said as he patted him on the shoulder.

‘I will be as quick as I can. But I think with your new member, you will manage fine without me.’ Thor smiled.

‘It will be up to her if she wants to help us, I think she’s earned her life back.’ Wanda said and the rest agreed.

‘Farewell, my friends.’ Thor nodded at them, then looked upwards and called for Heimdall.

Loki just glared at Thor, even if he could speak, he wasn’t sure there were words to describe how angry he was. He had been so close… But his weapon had betrayed him.

-

When everyone returned to base, Fury was waiting. He was able to break the news that a few countries had already pulled out of the war, declaring that they were no longer going to be part of it after seeing Loki’s arrest.

But there was still a hell of a lot of them still fighting.

‘Would you be willing to do one last thing for us, Echo?’ Fury asked.

‘Come on, Fury. She needs to rest, she’s just dealt with Loki.’ Clint groaned at him.

Fury didn’t even look at Clint, just looked at Echo for her response.

‘What do you need me to do?’ She asked cautiously.

‘Put out a plea to the world, explaining who you are and what happened to you… If you can. To help the people understand, even if one country believes you, it will help in the long run.’

Echo looked down and sighed. But she nodded. ‘I’ll do it.’

She was petrified as they set up a camera and was able to get a livestream out to the world. But she told them who she was, about what happened to her and then what Loki did to her. And what she did to people. She apologised profusely too. But she was so glad when it was over.

‘You did well.’ Natasha said as they all headed to get some food.

After eating, Echo disappeared. Natasha and Clint were disappointed she just vanished, but at the same time they understood. They had hoped she would hang around, but they also knew she needed time and needed to just be herself again after so long.

But Tony had Jarvis find her. She wasn’t running, she was just walking away from base down the track. He flew over her and landed a few feet away, coming out of his shell to walk next to her.

‘Heading off so soon?’ He asked.

She stopped walking and turned to face him. ‘I’m sorry… I can’t stay here. People will be after me now they know what I’ve done. And I’m still a risk…’

Tony shrugged. ‘It’s down to you if you want to leave or not. But we could use someone like you, with your abilities. It’s not like we’ve not had to do damage control before, we’ve all made mistakes and caused an uproar with the civilians. But we’ve shown ourselves worthy. That we’re not the villains.’

‘You don’t want me around. No one does, I’m a freak and dangerous.’ Echo said quietly.

‘You have seen us, right? We’ve got a soldier that’s basically one hundred years old, a crazy scientist that turns into a big green monster and a God that comes down to Earth every now and then to swing a hammer about and eat the world out of pop tarts.’

Echo smiled a bit at that.

Tony chuckled. ‘You’re wrong if you think we don’t want you around. We can help you, keep you safe. You can redeem yourself in the eyes of the people, if you want to. We can give you a home, a family. A misfit of a family, but we’re a family nonetheless…’

‘Thank you… I… appreciate it. But I don’t want to put you in danger.’ Echo said sadly.

‘You wouldn’t be. We have the serum, remember?’ Tony winked at her. ‘Anyway, I need to go. We’re away to try and do some damage control, stop some of the countries from blowing eachother up further. We’re leaving in ten minutes, at the helicarrier.’ Tony said as he backed away and got back into his suit without another word and took off.

Echo felt torn as she looked down the track, then back at the base. She didn’t know what to do.

-

‘Did you find her?’ Natasha asked as Tony joined them on the jet.

‘Yeah.’ He nodded.

‘And?’

Tony didn’t respond as the doors closed. He sat down and then looked at the back ramp. ‘Three… Two… One…’

There was a knock on the ramp door.

They looked at Tony with raised eyebrows. Clint opened the ramp up and Echo was stood at the bottom nervously.

‘I uhm… wondered if I could help?’ She asked.

Natasha smiled widely and then looked round at Tony, who was grinning cockily.

‘How did you know?’ She asked him.

‘I just know these things.’ Tony said with a shrug.

Clint put his hand out towards Echo to help her on.

And Echo took his hand, without hesitation.

[multimilfs]

Melissa Schemmenti x Fem!Reader: A (no good, very bad) cover-up of your own

Summary: “Is this your way of subtly hinting that you want to hold my hand because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood to hold your hand.” 

A/N: If you thought I forgot about the last couple of these, you are mistaken! I have one left that needs written.

On a serious note though, any fics are likely going to be very sporadic over the next few weeks. I was already struggling to fit writing into my insane work schedule, but this week someone extremely close to me passed away. I'm scrambling to handle my grief while balancing work and traveling across multiple states for the funeral. So yeah, it's going to be a minute on anything new. I appreciate your patience.

On a lighter note, this can be read as an addition to Melissa's No Good, Very Bad Cover-Up! Not required for you to read the first one, but you def should to get the full picture

Tag List: @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @escapetodreamworld @multifandomfix @greenawaysprentiss

Warning(s): Light angst

“You need to cut it like this or you could cut off yo—Are you paying attention?” 

Standing up straighter, you nod. 

While Melissa is giving very important instructions on how to properly chop garlic—garlic presses are barbaric and ruin the cooking experience, she explained firmly—you’re content to watch her move. She looks beautiful in her oversized denim shirt, hair pulled up messily. Errant curls fall and frame her face. 

You’re not passionate about cooking like she is, but she insists you need to learn because no partner of mine is going to live on microwave ramen and frozen meals. Helpless to argue, you go along with it, knowing it means extra time with her. 

Since that first kiss in your classroom and date afterwards, the two of you have been slowly increasing your time spent together. Whether she joins you in your classroom for a quiet lunch or you grab a drink after work, you’re happy to be with her, but this was your first time in her house. 

The sheer amount of photos impresses you. You didn’t know one person could have so many family members, let alone pictures with all of them. Most of your family stuck to themselves barring the occasional funeral. 

“Definitely.” You say, nodding. 

“No,” Melissa sighs, “You’re not.” 

“I’m not.” You agree. 

Your smile is sheepish. It isn’t that you’re not paying attention to her, you just care more about enjoying her company than listening to the cooking lesson for a moment. She sets the knife down and folds her arms over her chest. You try very hard to keep your eyes from wandering. That would not help your case, despite how flattering it might be. 

“Are you trying to waste my time?” 

Oh. Your mind says, heart squeezing unpleasantly. You hadn’t realized spending time with one another was a waste. Rationally, a part of you knows she didn’t mean it like that, but the sting of rejection has already started to fester. The smile slips away like your good mood. 

You’re suddenly very, very tired. 

“Of course not.” You say softly. 

Every limb feels impossibly heavy. You don’t meet her eyes for fear that she’ll read your emotions in them. Janine explained the whole ‘eyes are the windows to the soul’ saying to you last week and since then you can’t get it out of your head. The last thing you want is anyone digging around in your brain.

You didn’t mind the idea of Melissa doing that until now, though. Melissa is always so careful about speaking gently. Even if you know that isn’t her default, you forgot how difficult it was to be on the other end when she was so tough. 

“Okay.” She drops the topic suddenly, “Hand me the onion you brought and pay attention this time, will you?” 

She smiles and you try to return it. Though you know she’s trying to brush off the interaction, it’s done the damage in your mind. It isn’t her fault, really, you know she didn’t mean it how it sounded. But that doesn’t stop it from burning a hole in your chest. 

Your mind is spinning careful webs of misery to catch you in. Though you keep trying to fly around them, you can’t help but get caught, and find yourself in a downward spiral. The desire for space, to go home and curl up alone, is intense, but you know it’s rude to suddenly excuse yourself. So you try to pretend as best as you can. Try. 

Melissa reaches out her hand, palm up. You tilt your head curiously. As much as you adore her, how is she going to hold your hand and cook at the same time? 

“Is this your way of subtly saying that you want to hold my hand because it’s quite cute, but I’m not in the mood to hold your hand.” You say without filtering yourself. 

Melissa’s brows furrow and her hand closes. She pulls it back and flips off the burner on the stove with a harsh click! Then she turns, mirroring her posture from earlier, leaning against the counter while folding her arms over her chest. She doesn’t look angry this time… you think. 

“I wanted you to hand me the onion,” Melissa explains, and you feel very silly, “but it seems like you’ve got something on your mind. You wanna share with the class?” 

“Not really.” 

You cringe as soon as the words leave your mouth. With your energy suddenly deflating, it appears your filter has too. 

The redhead’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, “If you’re overwhelmed, you know you can tell me.” 

A lie is on the tip of your tongue before you pause. Fuck it, you think. If Melissa wants you, she has to want all of you; even the awful, silly parts.

“It’s not that. I mean, I was when I came over because the grocery store is a very overstimulating place, but I’m okay now. You—I—” You sigh harshly, rubbing your thumb to your fingertips in order to ground yourself, “It’s silly and I know you didn’t mean it like that, but when you asked if I was wasting your time, it felt like you meant spending time together was a waste. And it… I’m not feeling the best about it.” 

You close your eyes and brace for impact. You wonder what the reaction will be this time; your Mother’s deflection was always your favorite to decipher later, unpacking all of the subtle insults that flew over your head when she delivered them, too intent on just hearing it and getting away into your own space at the time. 

There was also your ex, who could twist words and blame so expertly that you ended up being the one to apologize. The guilt she pinned to your shirt to carry around until the next argument marked you like a brand. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.” Melissa says. 

You open one eye cautiously, waiting for the gotcha! moment, trying to anticipate when the screaming will start. It never comes. Melissa has her arms crossed, but when you open your eyes, she extends a hand palm up, a silent request for touch you both so desperately need. 

“You… are?” You ask slowly, taking her hand and lacing your fingers with hers. 

“I was upset that I wasn’t being listened to and I took it out on you, honey. So yeah, I’m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry too. I made you feel ignored and that’s not okay.” 

“We all make mistakes, alright? Let’s not beat ourselves up over it.” Melissa smiles, something genuine and loving, her other hand coming up to brush away something from your face, “Just… pay attention this time.” 

Standing up straighter and nodding, you do just that, dedicating all of your attention to her. You want her to feel as special as you know she is. It’s easy to watch her dance around the kitchen, throwing instructions your way with a knowing expression. 

At some point she reminds you about the onion you brought. Digging through the grocery bag, you set the onion on the cutting board. She pauses. Slowly, she looks between you and the onion, then back to you. 

“Is that a white onion?” 

[hsfan94]

Glitch

2.7k words

Y/n flew out to LA the moment Harry postponed the show Friday. She had talked to him Wednesday and noticed that he sounded off. She had told him then and there she wanted to fly out. He brushed her off, saying he was fine. But when Jeff texted her an update, upon her request, she bought a ticket for the first flight out.

Y/n and Harry had been friends for a few years now. They met when she was eighteen and he was twenty-five. They were just friends. Y/n loved him so much but she knew being younger than him that he’d never feel the same. In other words she wasn’t his type. But being in the friend zone wouldn’t stop her from taking care of him. One thing she knew about her Harry was that he would work even when he shouldn’t. He wasn’t great at taking care of himself. She knew if she didn’t come, he would be sick forever.

“Y/n, you didn’t have to come.” He opened his door wrapped in the thick fuzzy blanket she had bought him last Christmas. He looked miserable. He had puffy bags under his eyes and his nose had been rubbed red from excessive tissue use. But he still took her breath away.

“Don’t be silly, Haz. We both know you aren’t going to care for yourself properly.” Y/n also had a feeling his girlfriend would be useless as well.

“I’m the older one you know?” He had let her in and they were walking to his living room.

“That’s why it’s so sad.” She chuckled at his shocked expression. “Now have a seat and let me get to work.”

He sat down on the couch and she went straight for the kitchen to set out the stuff she had brought. It was an array of medicines, soups, juices and a thermometer. She made quick work of getting some medicine and a glass of water and returned to the living room.

“Now, have you taken anything today?” She wasn’t surprised when he shook his head. “Didn’t think so. Here.” She practically shoved the pills and water into his hands.

After he chugged the whole glass she repositioned him so he was laying down.

“You will stay right here. If you need anything, it’s my job to get it. I’ll stay right here.” She motioned to the other end of the massive sectional.

He smirked at her. “What if I have to use the bathroom?”

She rolled her eyes. “Then you go. But other than that stay put. Now,” she leaned forward and picked up the remote, “do you have anything you want to watch?”

They watched half of the Notebook before he was nodding off. Y/n watched him sleep. Her mind wandered to when they first met. She was fond of him back then but he seemed to see her as a sibling.

“I just don’t understand why he married Cameron Diaz when he’s been in love with Julia Roberts the whole time.” Harry had never seen ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ and Y/n thought his frustration was both valid and adorable.

“Because she missed her chance. Her fear of commitment and assumption that he’d wait forever drove him away.”

“But he marries someone so much younger. It’s impractical.” He shook his head.

“Why.” Y/n felt uneasy at his words.

“Because you can’t possibly have enough in common.” It was like he had seen her face fall so he backtracked. “It just doesn’t work. I can’t explain it.”

“I don’t think age is a big deal. If you love someone you love them, you know? Who cares what year they were born?”

They had sat in silence after that. That was over two years ago and as she watched him sleep, she wondered if he had changed his mind. She certainly thought so because his girlfriend was so much older. She brushed those thoughts away and fell asleep herself.

——————————-

Y/n had not seen Olivia since she got there. She had been relieved at first because the thought of Harry with anyone made her stomach turn, but the more she thought about her absence the more it pissed her off. It had been over twenty-four hours. She arrived Thursday afternoon and it was now Saturday morning. Who doesn’t check in on their sick partner every once in a while? She was also confused because she thought they lived together.

She had been taking good care of Harry but she had also been helping him decide what to do about the next few shows. He had a doctor's appointment later and she told him they didn’t have to make any final decisions until then. She had already been in contact with Jeff to tell him it wasn’t looking good and he got to work on backup plans.

Harry was really beating himself up for still feeling bad and it hurt her to see him be so hard on himself.

“Harry, you’re sick. It happens to everyone and it’s completely out of your control.”

“I’m going to disappoint everyone. So many fans have spent so much money to be in LA this weekend. I don’t want them to be mad.”

“If they care about you, they won’t be. They’ll understand. And even if they don’t, that’s not your problem.”

“It is. They’ll never trust me again. They’ll stop coming to the shows.”

Y/n sighed heavily. She didn’t care about his fans’ feelings right now. She cares about the person she loved most in the world and how he was considering playing a show when he looked, felt and sounded like death.

“Harry. You don’t owe anyone anything. And while I understand you need fans to come so you can keep doing it, you won’t be able to keep doing it if you don’t let yourself rest and get better. And I don’t want to be a hard ass but I will if I have to.”

He went silent.

“You’re right. We should just wait for the doctor,” he said after a moment.

She was so frustrated he wouldn’t listen to her but she was relieved because the doctor would say the same thing she did.

And sure enough they left the doctor with a prescription for medicine and an order to reschedule the next three shows. So with a heavy heart Harry made a statement on his story and rescheduled them to January.

“This is the right thing, Harry, I promise,” she said as they walked through his front door once again.

This time she entered his house, his girlfriend was standing in the entryway dressed in an evening gown (an unflattering one of you asked Y/n).

“Oh. You’re back.” Olivia just barely acknowledged Harry and Y/n as she passed them. “I’m going to the LACMA art and film gala.” She barely gave them time to respond before hurrying out the door.

It took everything in her power not to lose her shit over that. If Y/n’s partner was sick, the last thing she would do would be to go to some event. She didn’t want to voice her frustration because she didn’t want to get into it with Harry while he was sick. They’d had this fight a few times since he had been with Olivia. It always started with Y/n telling him he could do so much better and ended with him telling her to mind her own business. The need to keep peace with Harry wasn’t enough to stop her from voicing her frustration to Olivia that night.

Harry had fallen asleep again after Y/n had fed him soup and medicine and put another movie on for him. Y/n had gone into the kitchen to make herself some dinner and Olivia sauntered in. She acted surprised Y/n was still there and that caused her to snap.

“You’re still here?” It was laced with disgust.

“Yeah. You’re certainly not here to take care of him. And I’ve known him for three years, he’s not going to take care of himself. So that leaves me.”

“Honey, you’re so pathetic.” Y/n tensed at her words.

“Excuse me?”

“He’s not going to ever see you as more than a friend. You being a nurse won’t change his mind.”

“For your information, I don’t care if he sees me as more. I care about him. I want him to get better because of that. That’s what real love is. Putting someone you love before anything else.” Y/n shot the words at her like they were darts laced with venom.

“What do you know, huh? From what I remember you’ve never been in a relationship.”

“That’s because I know what I want and I don’t plan to waste my time on something that’s not it.” Y/n felt the need to defend herself even though she knew Olivia’s experience wasn't much better considering two of her serious relationships had ended.

“Right. You want my boyfriend.”

Harry had woken up upon hearing voices in the kitchen. He couldn’t help himself but to get up so he could hear better. When he heard their conversation fully he was stunned by a few things. One being the way his girlfriend spoke to his friend and two being the fact that Y/n was in love with him. Sure he thought she overdid it on the friendship stuff sometimes but he still hadn’t ever considered it could be that she loved him. He had felt differently towards her the last few days. The way she was so concerned and had been taking such good care of him really made him see her in a new light.

“Get over yourself. You don’t even want him! You’ve been using him. Using him to make your movie successful, using him to get invited to Gucci events, using him for,” she paused, “sex. He’s too into you to see it and I can’t tell him what I think because I don’t want to loose him but I’m fucking done pretending you don’t bother me. So if you-“

She was interrupted by a hand being placed on her shoulder. She turned around to see her Harry standing there wrapped up in his blanket looking at her with wide eyes.

“Harry, I” she said not knowing what to say.

“It’s okay, Y/n. Just go in the living room. Cool off yeah? I’ll handle this.”

His words took her by surprise. She left the kitchen but stayed close by to listen.

“What’s wrong with you?” He said.

“Me? You’re just gonna let that little brat say those things?”

“Enough. Stop talking about her like that, Olivia. She’s right and you know it.”

“I’m sorry?”

She heard Harry sigh deeply. It caused him to cough a bit.

“I’m too exhausted for this. I feel like shit and you have not once bothered to ask me about it. Is that why you were being so hostile? Because she called you out?”

Olivia scoffed.

“No. She’s trying to take you from me.”

“Is she? Because I’ve known her longer than you and she’s never made a move and she’s had plenty of opportunities. Also I’m a big boy, I can make my own decisions.”

“Cut the crap. She’s a child. She probably hasn’t even had sex so how would she know how to make a move.”

“She’s the child? Do you hear yourself when you talk?” She didn’t say anything so he went on. “Whatever. I can’t do this anymore. I need you to leave.”

“What?”

“I need you to go. As much as I hate to admit it, Y/n was right and I’m done being blind. I don’t feel good and you being here is making it worse.”

“If I leave tonight, I’m not coming back. We’re done.”

“Fine with me. Just get your stuff and go.”

Y/n could tell the conversation was over so she scurried over to the couch. She felt so many things and it caused her to start crying. She couldn’t help it. She had her head buried in her hands when Harry silently made his way back to the couch.

“Y/n?” He sat down next to her. “What’s wrong, love?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” It was all she could say.

“For what, lovie?” He put his arm around her.

“I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I ended your relationship. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“You did nothing. She ended my relationship. She didn’t trust me and she was being mean to you.” He put his hand on her chin and lifted her face so he could look into her eyes. “I can’t have that.”

Y/n was silent. Tears continued to pour down her face.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?” She didn’t know what he was referring to.

“Do you love me?”

She looked away from him. She didn’t want to answer. After a moment, she nodded ever so subtly.

“How long?” He was now rubbing circles on her back with his hand.

“Pretty much since we met.” It was quiet, almost a mumble.

“Why did you never say anything?”

“Well, I realized it the night we were watching ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. I looked over at you during a funny part and you had this big smile, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and I wanted to tell you how I felt. But then you said that being with someone younger,”

“Would never work.” He finished for her.

“I just figured you’d never see me that way and I’ve been right so far.”

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay. It’s how you feel. Can we just drop it? I'm already way too embarrassed to even look at you.”

Before he could reply, Olivia came down with a suitcase.

“I hope it’s worth it Harry. I hope she’s worth it.”

She didn’t give him an opportunity to respond. She walked out the door and let it slam behind her.

A few moments later she spoke again.

“I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore and if you want me to leave I will.”

She started to stand up but Harry pulled her back to the couch.

“I don't want to be friends anymore. But I definitely don’t want you to leave.”

“What?” She was confused and hurt by his words.

“I think there’s been a glitch.”

She thought he was quoting Taylor Swift but she wanted to be sure.

“Harry, what are you trying to say?”

“I want to be more than friends. These last few days have really opened my eyes to what has been right in front of me.”

A smile crept onto her face.

“Yeah?”

He returned her smile. “Yeah.”

Just then, Harry started to have a full blown coughing attack and it ruined the moment.

“Oh, Baby, it’s time for more medicine.” Y/n stood and walked to the kitchen. When she returned with the cough medicine she was met with a doe-eyed beaming Harry. “What are you so smiley about Mr. I-just-hacked-up-a-lung?”

“You called me baby.”

“Huh. I guess I did.” She brushed over it like it was no big deal and poured him a cup of cough syrup.

He took the shot of cough syrup then said, “I liked it. You should do it all the time now.”

“Okay, baby.” She smiled. “Let’s get you to rest now.”

She gently pushed his shoulders back until he was laying on the couch. She started to back away and return to her end when his hand clasped hers. She gave him a quizzical look. He returned her expression with a cheeky smile and began pulling her onto the couch.

“Want you to lay with me.” He pulled her so she was practically on top of him.

“Okay.” She situated herself so her weight wasn’t all the way on him. She settled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I want to kiss you but I don’t want to get you sick.” His hand began trailing up and down her arm in a soothing manner.

She brought her lips to his neck and gave him a few gentle kisses there.

“It’s okay, baby. We have plenty of time.”

Just before they drifted off to sleep, Harry realized he hadn’t properly returned the sentiment.

“I love you, Y/n.”

Harry had never been happier to have the flu.