#but shes like busy with stage work and whatever else so i understand. so this will do hjkfdhgjkfdgfd thank u anchan for this gift

[bmpmp3]

EXTREMELY low effort plug n play cover with very default settings mixing i did in like 20 min but im trying out voisona and holy shit tsudumi's 2.0 sounds SO so good

honeymoon un deux trois by dateken (original vocal rin), UST by purblexber

[slasher-male-wife]

Horror characters with an s/o in a band head canons

Sorry for barely posting. I say this every time I post but I've been very busy lately with a lot of stuff but I'm still trying to find time to write time for y'all. So for these head canons I'm just putting a blanket statement of the reader is in a rock band. Also I'm looking into writing for fem readers as I explore my own gender identity. But reader's gender isn't specified in this.

Includes: Corey Cunningham, Tiffany Valentine, Amanda Young, Billy Loomis, and Martin Mathias

Content includes: Possessive behavior, murder mentions, implied murder, mentions of saw traps in Amanda's section, brief 'stalking' mentions, not proof read

Corey Cunningham

Pre-Michael he's going to feel a little awkward going into a show that you're playing at. If you play something like shoe gaze or some kind of softer rock music he won't feel as awkward going into to see you preform but if you play harder rock or even metal he's going to feel very out of place.

Pre-Michael Corey would also try his hardest to learn about whatever instrument you play for the band or if you sing he'll try his best to learn about singing and the best way to do it without hurting your vocal cords. He'll do his research on what you do because he wants to be the best supportive boyfriend he can be.

Pre-Michael Corey won't really get jealous of people cheering you on or being supportive of your music. He understands that they just enjoy your music and they want to show their support for you. After all, he's the one who gets to go back stage with you and to all the practices. He's really the lucky one.

Post Michael however is a different story. Now he's more open to whatever music you play. Even if it's harder music like metal or some kind of hard/alternative rock he's down for it. I wouldn't say he'd get in a mosh pit or anything like that anytime soon.

When he's post Michael he'll still keep knowledge about whatever instrument you play or how to take care of you if you sing. He'll become a little obsessive about it, going with you to every band practice or he'll watch you from somewhere else while you practice. Same goes for when you're at home. If you don't want him there you won't know that he's there.

Post Michael Corey is also a little more protective when it comes to your fans. Now he knows that you won't have that many fans that push boundaries with you, but any that try to push boundaries with you on this are going to pay the price.

Tiffany Valentine

Tiffany (in my opinion) is a gothic rock, post punk, dark wave, other goth music genres kind of girl. So if you play any of those kinds of music genres she's more than happy to go to one of your shows and support you there.

She will happily tell anyone listening that her lovely s/o is in the band playing on stage and that you're super talented, and it doesn't matter if they care about it or not, she's proud of you and she cares.

She might not know much about music but I can promise you that she's going to try her best to help you with practicing whatever instrument you play or whatever you need help with that's music related.

If you want her to go to your band practices with you she's all for that. She's happy to sit in and listen to whatever you're working on, it's not like she's going to tell anyone what you're doing, she'd never do you dirty like that.

She WILL be dressing up for all of your shows. It doesn't matter how big or small they are she needs to represent you and how well you treat her. She also just really likes getting dressed up to go out and this is an excuse to do that.

If you have band merch she will also wear it. Even if it's just some shirt with your band name or logo on it then she'll wear it while she sleeps or some other time. She prefers more feminine clothes so she might go as far as to paint on your band name and or logo onto some old dress she has just for fun.

Amanda Young

Amanda is a metalhead plain and simple. She likes harder music and if you play harder music she'll be happy to go to your show. If you play slower music, she hopes you won't take offense, but she might not go to all of your shows.

She might not go to all of your shows anyway because she's busy with her jigsaw work but she'll try to see at least a couple of your shows every time you have some.

I feel like if you're stuck on lyrics or where to go with a song she'll be there to help you with it. She might not be the most knowledgeable on music but she's going to try her best to help you get out of that rut.

If you need a song name she'll suggest something based off a trap she's made or just a trap in general. "What about 'knob twister'?" "What about Venus Fly Trap?" But she'll be more subtle with it if you're unaware of her being a jigsaw apprentice.

She won't take any of the other apprentices to your shows, she'll honestly keep you pretty separate from her 'work life' outside of telling John about you. If any of them somehow find out about you and your band she will get very defensive of you and she will swear if Hoffman ever goes to one of your shows she's going to put him in a reverse bear trap.

She won't get super jealous of fans of your music unless they start pushing boundaries. She gets people being fans of your work and wanting to meet you and stuff, but if they end up getting a little too far 'into' your music she may or may not put them in a trap.

Billy Loomis

It's the 90's and just like look at him, he's probably going to be into that slower, more shoegaze kind of stuff, he's the og male manipulator in more ways than one.

He'll try to be open to the kind of music that you play but if it doesn't interest him he probably won't be going to every single one of your shows. He'll make up excuses about having to do stuff for school and whatever.

But don't get it twisted, if anyone tries to make fun of you for the kind of music you play they're gonna meet ghostface real soon. Just because he might not be into your music it doesn't mean that other people are allowed to be mean to you about it.

This also applies to fans of your band who try and get a little too close to you for Billy's comfort. He understands that you're going to have fans of your music but that doesn't mean people are going to just get away with being obsessed with you, that's his job god damn it!

But if he's being as possessive as he usually is he'll have Stu go to one of your shows for him just to check things out and make sure nothing bad is happening there. He doesn't think you're going to cheat on him, he trusts you, he just doesn't trust other guys, unless it's Stu.

He'll play down how much he really does care about your music. He tries to keep up this kind of 'whatever' 'cool guy' persona but he really does care about your music and he might stalk you a little bit and just watch you at your band practices for fun.

[lawless-walrus]

NUCLEAR YAP

spoilers for S3E12 of midst

Weepe and Saskia’s relationship has occupied my damn brain space since inside, and their reunion has been my most anticipated event to happen in ANY media since we learned in breakfast that Saskia was going to the light with Harry. One little pet peeve I’ve had with not writing this sooner is seeing people be very reductive with what’s gonna happen, or even their relationship. Which is easy to fall into, considering weepe doesn’t seem to be anything other than an opalescent, weird, evil bastard when you shine a light on him. But just like his body, there are very dark things hiding within his character. And a big part of season 3 has been seeing those dark things finally begin to show. So let’s get inside these 2 characters heads fully and completely, to understand their relationship with eachother.

Both Saskia and weepe are mysterious characters at first, on the second episode the only thing we are sure of either of them is that they run the black candle, are criminals, and are a bit quirky. Concord is even initially taken aback by the funky dynamic they had. Let’s start with Saskia, who, for all that she has to hide, is much more clear to us as a character than Mr. Moc Weepe. She was the owner of the black candle cabaret, which weepe says in was kind of crappy when he first saw it, before he stepped in to help make it the very successful business it is. And she’s also a valorous trustee, which means she immigrated to midst from the Un before weepe did. She’s been in midst for a very long time. Infact, she was one of the first settlers of stationary hill back in 598. Judging that she’s in her early 40’s according to Sara in the tumblr AMA, Saskia would be at most 18 when she arrived at stationary hill, meaning that she has been a part of Stationary hill and midst for both the entirety of its life, and for the entirety of her adult life. She would die for this place. Twice. She’s been shown time and time again to be an idealist and someone who deeply cares about each and every member of this community. And that extends to Mr. Moc Weepe. To quote her in Coda “See, I told you! I promised I was gonna work on him.”. What this line implies is that upon arriving on stationary hill, people were quick to assume/realize that Moc Weepe is kind of a freak. He’s not someone anyone would like working at their place of business based on first impressions. But Saskia is an idealist, and partnered with weepe anyway. And he seems to have been a very good bet, as he has transformed the black candle cabaret into an enviable establishment across the cosmos. Weepe was an exceptional justification of her idealism.

Was.

Saskia was disappointed when Weepe betrayed her. Not shocked. Disappointed. She was so upset that the man she helped get better, the person who helped her in-turn turn the black candle cabaret into something special, someone who, like Saskia, had gotten involved in the community enough these last 6-7 years to earn the nickname the mayor of stationary hill, would fuck her and everything else over. She thought, hoped, he had changed. And Moc Weepe seems to believe in interest that he’s incapable of that. That he is a man who cannot do good. But moving beyond business partners for a second. In the quote I’m pulling from coda early on in the last paragraph, just before weepe mentions that Saskia really had to pull his leg to come on stage and sing with her. Which begs the question, why does she want to sing with him? An answer so easy it’s almost a no brainer to bring up. Saskia wanted to sing with weepe because she likes singing with weepe, because she cares about weepe. And weepe tore out her heart not just by betraying everyone, to the trust, but by proving Saskia wrong. That being patient with him, that loving him (whatever form that love may be), was an unwise decision. In episode 16 of season 2, she through away the nutcracker for 2 reasons. 1 to not give Meryl any hints that it was weepe or someone involved in the cabaret who killed Atticus (which she instantly realizes and suspects when she learns he is dead), and to remove any trace of weepe from her life. Helping that man may still be in the cards, Saskia isn’t a spiteful person. She could’ve killed weepe in the tearorr if she wanted to. She is still an idealist. But being close with him again. Him becoming a part of her life again. That is something she does not want. Unfortunately for her however. She is now in a city ruled by him, a fact that she brings up twice in episode 3x10. And yet she stays behind to help lark and Phineas. Even though she is determined to keep weepe out of her life. She will not run.

Moc Weepe was someone else once. Maybe we’ll never know who exactly that was. But we do know that he was the Baron of Fold Shallows before Kozma. He too would’ve been young when midst was founded. Quite young when he was put in a mica maiden and dropped into the fold abyss. A boy you could say. And ever since then, he has stated that the only thing keeping him together was the thought of seeing Kozma Lazlo again and turning her into a nice damp puddle. In interest, he states that midst was supposed to be a quick pit stop. But he ended up staying there instead. For up to 7 years. She made him stay. Weepe is an incredibly cynical person. Weepe has rarely a nice thing to say about any character he interacts with in the entire series. He has never, not even once, been interested in one of Imelda’s speeches about doing the right thing. And he has a very nihilistic attitude about doing what he has to to survive. But while he certainly took a radical business minded, capitalist, hustle grind mindset while running the black candle cabaret, he seemed to start doing more than just surviving. He accidentally made a home there. He stayed in one place for too long, and put down roots without meaning too (sound familiar Lark) He usually doesn’t give a shit about consequences, but he cared then. He cared about Saskia’s opinion of him. Because she believed in him. In the Arca chamber, in what he perceived to be potentially his final moments, he called out to her, as if in his deluded state, Saskia would be the one to save him from the other side. And in some ways she did. She gave him a place to stay, a business partnership, an opportunity to do good. And he was doing it.

Despite what weepe says about that he would’ve fucked the black candle over later if he didn’t do it now, he didn’t fuck the black candle cabaret over for 4 years. In fact, when it was raided, it was in the best state it had ever been in. And when he ran out of the cabaret with only his medical case, he almost cried because he was leaving her and this wonderful place behind for good.

Weepe is now tripotentiary, and has killed Kozma Lazlo. He is the richest person in the entire cosmos. And yet Saskia Del Norma still keeps coming up, even though she is not there. In his mind and everyone else around him, she is gone forever. He left her, and she will never come back. We’ve talked before how cult psychology works best without other relationships outside the cult. Weepe only became forced to be a trustee because the islet of midst, the black candle cabaret, and Saskia del Norma, are all gone forever to him. He has no one but Imelda (who is a whole can of worms I’ll get into some other day). And like Saskia, we get to contrasting reactions from weepe about the other. When weepe is dying in the Arca chamber, he reaches out to Saskia. When he’s at his lowest, when all is lost, he turns to the one person who believed in and cared about him. But when he’s reminded of her or the ruin of midst, like in episode 5 and 12 of season 3, he gets anxious, and steers the conversation elsewhere, rather aggressively in interest. He physically reacts to both times it’s brought up. In his new life as leader of the trust, as that old him who ruled over a vast number of islets with an ironfist, that opportunity he once had to be a good person in his and others eyes makes him very uncomfortable. He doesn’t want that reminder of when his cynicism weakened, the reminder that he gave up on being good, to come with him into his life as Baron again. But, in inside he still called to Saskia in that chamber. And he doesn’t know she’s alive. He doesn’t know that the person who once cared for him is in the light right now. And if he meets her, if he sees that she is there and real, he will not run.

(I’m still working on my essay for Imelda, I’ve been working on it for 2 weeks.)

[phoenixyfriend]

Ko-Fi prompt from KemiKitty:

id enjoy hearing about concerts and ticket money if you want

Referencing my “how does this make money/how does this lose money” in this post.

Whoo! I actually really enjoy talking about money flow like this. Digging into examples like this helps with understanding the interconnectedness of the economic systems we inhabit, and with why things cost What They Do.

Disclaimer: I have not worked in this industry. I just majored in business, watch a lot of documentaries/video essays, and like to break down business and economic topics. When I got to performances, I try to figure these things out as an observer (dinner theater from watching Lindsey Sterling before she got super famous, more Traditional concerts at Staller Performing Arts center, Broadway shows) and asking questions of tour guides when at places like the Vienna Opera House.

Our Example: A moderately popular performer, in an enclosed performance space with a stage, fixed seating, and food service.

Let us consider a performer of middling popularity. They go on tours, but only in the lower 48 states, not yet internationally. They do single nights at an independent venue, which has either dinner tables or rows of audience seating. Let's say... 350 seats, in a middle-sized city, with $30/ticket on average, with wiggle room depending on seating, VIP passes, and discounts (groupons, senior, military, annual passes, etc).

So, who is getting paid, and who is paying?

Money coming into the venue, tied directly to this one event:

Tickets The people who came to this concert are paying for the tickets. 350 seats, at an average of $30/ticket, that's about $10,500. Most of this money does not go to the venue, but may pass through it, or leave a cut with it. (Depends on the ticketing software; we're saying this is an independent venue, not part of the ticketmaster situation, so it's a maybe.)

Food and drink The venue sells snacks, possibly full meals, if it's a dinner-and-show location. It may sell alcohol. It almost definitely sells drinks, maybe has vending machines if nothing else. If attendees cannot bring their own food and drink, and don't want to leave the building so they don't miss the show, then the venue can mark up the food they sell.

Merchandise Dependent on the type of merch and the venue, this may be a flat fee, where the performer puts down a few hundred dollars up front to set up a table for after the concert, or it might be taking a small cut of whatever is sold that night. They might not charge anything, but we'll include it as a likely avenue of income. I can see some kinder venues waiving the fee for newer, up-and-coming artists, but generally you can assume that the venue will take a cut.

Money flowing out of the venue, tied directly to this one event:

The Performer and their team The ticket costs will go primarily to the performer, their backup dancers/singers/band, their manager, and whatever fund they have for things other than wages, like a tour bus rental fee, the label, the driver, the night's post-concert laundry costs, and so on. The chances of all that money going to a single performer is very low; you can generally assume they have backup, management, additional costs, and someone pulling the strings. There are exceptions, like unaffiliated stand-up comedians or other, genuinely solo acts, but for the type of event I'm outlining, these are all contributing factors. Performers may bring their own lighting/sound techs. The venue also might provide their own. For a larger venue, I'd assume both are involved; one who knows the concert's program, and one who knows the venue's setup.

Venue staff The ushers, lighting/sound technicians, the bar staff, the cook, the janitor, security, and anyone else who is working night-of is getting paid. We can equate their pay to the money coming in from specifically the food and drink sales, along with tips for the waitstaff in particular. By this, I mean that the correlation is such that, should sales fall, the corresponding cut in costs is employee labor (the bar staff and cooks), rather than the performers (whose costs are calculated in relation to the money they bring in relating to the ticket sales).

Food and Drink Raw ingredients for the food, wholesale costs for the liquor, napkins, single-use straws, and so on.

Printed Programs Someone has to print the little booklet that tells you who's performing tonight, who's performing for the next few months, and anything else you need to know. If it's a big-name cultural center, they may even include some interviews! But ink is expensive, and that's a lot of paper.

Money coming into the venue, not connected to the specific event:

Advertising Does the venue have posters around for local businesses? For insurance companies? For upcoming events? Someone is paying them for that. Does the venue intersperse the pre-show music over the speakers with the occasional ad spot? Someone is paying them for that. Does the venue have ads in the program booklet? Someone is paying them for that. For a really, really large venue, the kind with dozens or hundreds of employees and massive lighting/sound setups, they are liable to get most of their income from advertising.

Government Grants and Private Donations Depending on the venue, they may donations or grants. This is more likely to apply to a university/community performing arts center than a for-profit dinner theater, but it's a possibility.

Merchandise The venue may have merch that is unrelated to the performance of the night. A historic or novelty location is most likely to have success with this, selling beer glasses with their logo or a t-shirt with 'home of the [band from several decades ago]' printed across the front.

Money flowing out of the venue, not connected to the specific event:

Administrative/Overhead Employees Management, bookkeeping, legal, marketing, and so on.

Utilities Electricity, water, sewage, gas, telecomm, and so on.

Taxes, Licenses, Fees Sales tax, property tax, liquor license, etc.

Mortgage or lease The venue's business owner is not necessarily the one to own the property outright. They may pay rent to a property owner, or mortgage to the bank.

Maintenance - Building Codes Any large building is going to need plumbers, glass techs, electricians, roofers, and so on coming by with regularity. (This part, I actually do know; I used to do repairs dispatching, and you'd be amazed how frequently a big box store needs someone to come by about the toilets.)

Maintenance - Venue Codes There are certain things that an entertainment venue needs to do that other businesses... don't. Namely, fire safety. It's a huge deal. Staying up to code can be expensive, especially if you need to get your backstage/wing curtains chemically treated again, which can be anywhere from one to five years, or the next time someone spills water on it. (That's the main reason open containers of liquids aren't allowed backstage.)

Marketing Just like people pay the venue to advertise, the venue pays for others to advertise it. This could be in the local newspaper or online, but if a given performer isn't someone semi-famous on tour that has a following, then something else needs to draw in a regular paying crowd.

Miscellaneous Overhead There is a lot of overhead for any business of moderate size that has its costs spread out over the year. This includes hiring an accountant for tax season, purchasing uniforms for employees, replacing cutlery and plates and furniture as it wears out or gets lost, repainting the walls every few years, office supplies when the printer for the programs wears out, and so on.

Is this everything? Almost definitely not.

But, hopefully, I've untangled a few things that you may not have considered before.

Those tickets and drinks you bought cover a lot more than just the performer!

...unless it's through ticketmaster, in which case it's probably just the monopoly.

----

If you enjoyed this post, please support me on ko-fi! You can also prompt me for a business/econ topic of your choice here.

[astrognossienne]

I think the issue with me is that no one knows enough about my actual life to really go in on me, so when they do go in it's based on a bunch of conjecture and unsubstantiated rumors.

I could be a lot of things but no one knows for sure, so whatever your personal guess about it is will be based on your own read on me but nothing else. People have to project onto Cancers whether as a stan, hater, or other because we have created a hard boundary between our private lives and our public lives. For some people that makes us seem shifty as in: "What is she hiding? I bet she's this that and the third behind the scenes." and those people hang on to any morsel of negative tea that drops to try to prove their theory that Cancers are secretly evil incarnate.

Or people can choose to project a positive view onto Cancers, so if they're a fan they can choose to believe that the Cancer is saintly and amazing behind the scenes or that she's really just a sweetheart who works hard, does what they have to do, gives her best and then slips back into her private life. As in: "Cancers don't bother nobody and y'all haters are deranged".

At the end of the day, no one knows and that eats people alive, for my fans they don't mind as much, but for the haters, it must be endlessly frustrating to feel you know for sure I (or other Cancers) am an awful person but never can fully prove it, and then you have seen so many other people see Cancers in a totally different way. It seems like it really bothers haters in a way that even other more transparent signs' haters don't understand. Being a Cancer hater is harder in that way, but also easier because in the absence of really knowing they can make up whatever they want, but they're cursed with never being able to prove it. I have many people I dislike, but I think disliking Cancers must suck and I think that's why our haters come off as especially bitter. I'm glad I'm a fan tbh.

Personally, I see myself as very Cancerian, meaning when I see my quest for perfection, instead of seeing someone trying to be "fake" as a hater would, I see it as compulsive and therefore more relatable like I'm neurotic about making everything just so, which is how those who are about something in life are too. When haters see me as "boring", I see myself as quiet and reserved, and therefore more relatable, like If I were super sensitive I too would be restrictive with the public, so as a fan, I see it as a good thing. However, a hater sees that same distance from the public as me not being interested in connecting with others in a bad way. When I see how I'm confident when it comes to handing my business but different outside of work, I see my "corporate badass" thing not as someone selling a "fake" image. I was a child who was way different in school and around others than I was with family and close friends, so I find it relatable that other Cancers exude this confidence that would obviously not be something they carry “off stage” in their day-to-day life---like I don't feel "duped" by that it just seems normal that someone's persona might not be who they are 24/7, I never took it as a "narrative myth" but just as a function of being a complex person, which is what Cancers are. Yet others see it differently as is evidenced by the many negative and dismissive views on Cancer zodiac sign, but the genius of Cancers' relationship with others is that we're like the moon in the sense that neither of you will ever know the truth. So you can speculate one way, and I another.

[callsignspark]

soft-tober | 03 | Callie Bassett

soft-tober is about experiencing the joys of October with loved ones. each day is a fall-related one-shot for one of the couples from my Dagger, Sword & Shield universe, plus a few extras! today is Callie and Kelly with “Do you like cinnamon” from this prompt list.

If you’d like to be tagged for soft-tober, please send an ask!

word count: 1.3k

soft-tober masterlist | main masterlist | divider credit here

warnings: extreme fluff, discussions of breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy and side effects from treatment, pining and yearning

callsignspark disclaimer: my blog is an 18+ space; minors do not interact - you will be blocked. I do not consent to my work being copied, run through an AI generator, translated, or posted elsewhere. I do have an AO3, where I eventually will be cross-posting my works.

03. "Do you like cinnamon?"

Callie is sitting on the entryway bench, lacing her boots, when a thump catches her attention. It’s not the dog, she thinks as she watches Rupert pad toward the noise, his nails clicking across the wood floors. Finishing the knot on her right boot, she peers down the hall, trying to figure out if Kelly is awake or if it’s Emma trying to steal treats again.

“God- fuck!”

The breathless cursing lets her know it’s not the cat making all the noise but, in fact, the human she married. She walks into the kitchen to find her wife sitting at the breakfast nook table, hunched over and breathing hard.

“Kelly? What’s wrong? Can you breathe?”

“Yeah.” Callie isn’t convinced by the way she gasps the word, something Kelly notices because she grabs the edge of Halo’s flight suit before 911 can be dialed. “Couldn’t reach the oatmeal, and it took it out of me. Just need a minute.”

Immediately, she feels guilty. Kelly had a chemotherapy session two days ago, and treatment always exhausts her, but Callie had been so busy at work that Aliyah had been staying at the house to help out. She hadn’t even been thinking about how it was day three, the day when Kelly’s appetite usually returns.

You should have known. It’s been four months of this. Are you even paying attention?

Callie continues to berate herself as she rubs Kelly’s back; it doesn’t do anything to help her catch her breath, but it makes Callie feel like she’s doing something. Like she’s actually helping.

That’s been one of the worst parts of this. The worst obviously is Kelly getting diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer, but the constant helpless feeling. She’s not a doctor or a nurse; she’s just a WSO. The Navy's basic medical training can’t do anything to help against mutating cells. She can’t do anything to help the woman she married.

“Okay, other than the breathing, how do you feel? Dizzy? Sore?”

Kelly shakes her head, “Just need to catch my breath. Hungry, though.”

“Yeah? That’s good. You still want oatmeal? Or I can make something else? Whatever you want.”

“You’re going to be late to work.”

“It’s okay. I just texted Mav that everything is fine, but I’m going to be a bit late.”

Kelly’s head pops up, her brown eyes wide with concern and much clearer than when she got back from the treatment center, Callie notes with relief. “You can’t do that!”

“Yes, I can. Mav understands.” Callie adjusts the brown beanie Kelly had chosen to keep her shaved head warm, centering the little cow before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “You’re a little warm; you sure you feel okay?”

“Yeah… tired.” Kelly hums, leaning into the hands cupping her face, both of them enjoying the closeness of the moment. They linger, not pulling away until a rumbling stomach interrupts them.

Callie reluctantly pulls away. “Still gonna take your temperature, just to make sure. You want oatmeal?”

Efficient movements get her from the bathroom to the breakfast nook to the kitchen in record time. Pulling the jar of rolled oats from the baking cabinet and measuring everything out as the water starts to heat up. If she’s going to make oatmeal, she’s going to do it on the stove. It’s best to save the microwavable stuff for when Kelly needs to make food herself.

The thermometer beeps, and it’s a relief to see it says 99.5° - slightly elevated but consistent with the other treatment sessions.

“Do you like-” Callie cuts herself off as she catches sight of the wedding photo that was put on the fridge the week after they got married.

It’s the two of them from five months ago, standing in front of the chapel. A smiling Callie is dipping a grinning Kelly, who hadn’t lost her hair yet, both of them laughing at some dumb joke Fritz had made while Aliyah took the photo.

They agreed it was their favorite photo from the day, easily choosing that one to use as the photo on their announcement cards. It was harder to decide on what to write inside the cards. How much of the truth to share.

Hi everyone! We know this is sudden, but we got married in Vegas last weekend! Turns out Kelly has cancer, and her insurance is total shit, so Callie proposed to her pet-sitter-turned-friend after knowing her for less than a year so she doesn’t die! We’re sorry we didn’t let everyone know, but we’re actually committing insurance fraud, so we’re just trying to make it look like a whirlwind love story! Thankfully, we’re lesbians, so no one questioned us hitching the U-Haul to Kelly’s Subaru for our third date! And now to answer the unasked questions! No, we didn’t register anywhere; we feel guilty enough as it is! Kelly’s prognosis looks good; they caught it early, and she’ll be able to get good treatment with Callie’s Tricare coverage! We’re just friends! We sleep in different rooms! But if anyone official asks, we share Callie’s bedroom because it has an ensuite, and Kelly’s room is the guest room. It’s not suspicious because she’ll need space after chemo treatments! Yes, we kissed when the Elvis impersonator said; no, you cannot see the photo. Don’t worry about sending stuff for our first anniversary; we’ll probably be divorcing by then!

They had gone with something very different on the massive stack of announcements they sent out. The newly married couple spending the week traditionally reserved for a honeymoon filling out piles of paperwork to get Kelly coverage as quickly as possible, telling friends the truth, and asking them to lie if questioned by investigators. The worst had been filling out the envelopes, the sober mood turning more and more sour by the second as they realized how many people they were lying to.

Despite the bad taste it left in her mouth, Callie didn’t care. Kelly only had a few more treatment sessions left, and at her last checkup, the oncologist was optimistic about the progress. It’s not how she had imagined getting married, but her friend was going to live, and that was the important part.

“What were you gonna say?”

“Oh!” Callie blinks, grabbing an egg from the fridge and checking on the oatmeal to stall. To shake away the thought that she barely knows anything about the woman she married. About the woman she was going to ask out before the diagnosis came down. “I was gonna add a little brown sugar and cinnamon. Do you like cinnamon?”

“I do, that sounds good.”

Callie nods, distracted as she scrambles the egg and fancies up the oatmeal. She feels guilty for enjoying moments like this. Where she gets to spend time with Kelly, take care of her, but they don’t happen very frequently. Even being married doesn’t get her much quality time with the woman she’s had a crush on for months.

“Here you go. Oatmeal and a scrambled egg - for protein - with your meds as an appetizer. And I moved the microwave food down to the counter for now. We’ll reorganize the cabinets this weekend so everything is easier to reach.”

“Yum.” Kelly grimaces at the medication, but her face smooths out as she gets a whiff of the food. “This smells great, Callie. Thank you.”

“Of course, any time. Aliyah is going to stop by later. And let me know what you want from the store; I’m stopping after work today.”

“Okay, have a good day.”

“Thanks, Kel.” Callie murmurs as she ducks down to kiss her wife’s forehead. “Call me or Mav if you need something, okay? He’ll take care of it if I’m in the air. I’ll see you tonight.”

Callie forces herself to leave, only looking back once to see Kelly digging into the oatmeal. Her heart softening at the sight of the dog by her feet and the cat curled up on her lap, wishing she didn’t have to go to work.

Maybe I’ll finally get to ask her out for real after we get divorced.

@gretagerwigsmuse | @hangmanapologist | @hangmanbrainrot | @princessphilly | @hangmanssunnies | @thesewordsareallihavetogive | @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby | @katieshook02 | @hellojameshowyadoin | @aristotles-butthole | @atarmychick007 | @whatislovevavy | @kmc1989 | @sometimesanalice | @laracrofted | @yuckosworld | @mika-darling | @bradshawsbaddie | @bobblebobsbae | @ohtobeleah | @withahappyrefrain

[siriannatan]

Prep & Punk - Treebark

AU by @vyeoh, it’s really cool and stuff and all their art is really good

AO3

Not too bad for never really writing much about either Ren or Martyn...

[FlowerHusbands thingy from this AU]

______________

Martyn did not want to go where he going, he wasn't sure why had to be there. Since when was wearing a skirt - long way under his knees - breaking the dress code? Since when do they even have a dress code in this place? But apparently, they did - even if only in that one teacher's head - and Martyn was on his way to the detention.

Why couldn't the school just call his parents? They saw his skirt (pale pink, pleated) and had nothing against him going out in it. His mother even said she was proud her son inherited her good looks with his father nodding in agreement from behind his business newspaper. They'd just ask where they can see this 'dress code' and the topic would be done.

Not today. And skipping detention would actually get Martyn in trouble back at home. At least Scott didn't laugh before he himself was free to go to the mall and live his life as Martyn wasted the whole two hours (why so many? he lamented internally) doing his homework. His physics homework was about vectors with no internet to go to with his questions. Magnificent. Hopefully, he'd be the only one there.

He was not. In the time it took Martyn to drag himself from the English classroom to the detention room - just a basic classroom that was not used for anything else at the time - one other student made it there. A rough-looking upperclassman Martyn only heard of, Ren if memory served him correctly. He's heard a multitude of stories about him one crazier than the five before it together. But maybe some of them were true. He was reading some papers as Martyn walked in and the hand he was holding them in was bandaged. There was some talk in the corridors about some seniors getting into a fight. Was Ren one of them?

"No teacher?" Martyn asked before he could stop himself as he was about to put his phone on the desk.

"She's got classes. Someone's supposed to check up on us," Ren said. He did not sound as gruff as the stories would suggest.

Or he was just not in the mood to get himself into any more trouble. Not feeling like testing if the stories were true Martyn just nodded and took a seat as far from Ren as he could. To not disturb his reading, he'd say if asked and started working on his vectors homework. Or more like slugging through. Martyn was smart but this stuff was making no sense to him. Ren was silent other than shifting of pages.

About half an hour into the detention a teacher (the teacher) came in. "What are you two sitting so far for? To the front," she said and left after barely glancing at them.

Martyn sighed to himself. He got comfy in his corner of the classroom and had his books out. And... suddenly Ren was right next to him, picking up a pen that rolled off the desk. "I hope I'm not being rude here but would it be rude if I offered some assistance?" he offered and it only confused Martyn further. Scary Ren the Dog was offering to help him move his books?

And while Ren might have been pulling his leg there to just laugh at him Martyn could not just flat out say no. That would only spell more trouble. "I would hate to interrupt whatever you were reading..." he said instead, smiling at Ren.

"Oh, don't worry about that, I practically have the whole play memorised," Ren grinned and glanced at Martyn's books. "Oh, vectors, I remember Doc being utterly bamboozled by these and he's the one who dragged me to take advanced physics with him," he chuckled while already gathering Martyn's books into a neat stack.

"You understand this nonsense?" Martyn asked, regaining control of his own body just in time to carry his own bag. Play? Advanced physics? It was a fact that things like the drama club and its members didn't get recognised too easily. But Ren? In a costume, on stage, reciting lines of some king? That sounded just weird.

"Yes. Doc says it's because my brain's more used to abstracts than his or something like that. I can try to explain it but I'll probably be terrible at that."

Martyn of course accepted the help. Ren turned out to be great at explaining the vectors and soon Martyn didn't need much more help. Which was unfortunate because Ren's voice was very pleasant to listen to. And he was a darn adorable theatre nerd and in a suspicious amount of advanced classes because of Doc. And that meant he was darn smart to stay in them until his senior year.

"What's the play going to be about?" Martyn asked after five minutes of silence, and another 'teacher check'.

"King Arthur. For whatever reason I got cast as the villain, again," Ren said, visibly bummed out at his newest role.

"Villains are usually good-looking," Martyn said before he could stop himself. And instantly started to think about how to explain himself. No matter how nice Ren was they didn't know each other that well just yet.

"Why isn't the drama club chasing you to play them then?"  Ren chuckled, completely stunning Martyn. "Though a princess would probably suit you better with how cute you are," he added with a charming grin.

Martyn had no idea what to say. Under his gruff look of a bad boy (he looked much more like it than Grian, Joel and Jimmy combined) and rumours was damn handsome. And that grin? If Martyn were standing he'd be on the floor. And was now possibly flirting with him? Well. Who was Martyn to tell him to stop?

"If I were a princess I'd let you kidnap me whenever you'd like to," Martyn retorted with a flirty (at least in his hopes) smile. This was harder when you might actually like the person and not just messing with them.

"Then how about I 'kidnap' you for milkshakes after this lovely detention we're stuck in, princess?" Ren asked with what was no doubt his best villain smile. It certainly looked the part and was very attractive.

"I told you to just call me Martyn," he protested, blushing at the image of Ren carrying him out of the school that came to his mind. He was pretty sure it'd be nothing hard for Ren. "And I'd be delighted to go for milkshakes for you," he added with a clearly fake pout.

"Great, it's a date then," Ren grinned and Martyn blushed even more. Who would have thought the 'Mad Dog' was such a big softie and a nerd on top of that? And an absolute gentleman who refused to let Martyn carry his own bag or open any doors.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 041

“Hey, this arc sucked.  We should have a better one.”

Last time, Champa was about to destroy his entire team for losing this tournament, when a new god suddenly appeared on the tournament stage.  Shin doesn’t recognize him, and the Elder Supreme Kai has to explain that it’s “Grand Zeno, the Omni King”.  I still think of him by the name given in the subtitles: The King of Everything”.  But I guess Funimation had to juice it up a bit with “Omni-King”. 

So this is a welcome change, as this whole U6/U7 arc has been Beerus and a second, fatter Beerus rubbing it in everyone’s faces that they can pretty much do whatever they want without any consequences.  As it turns out, they have a boss of their own, and they tremble before him just like everyone else trembles before them.  Zeno is the ruler of all twelve universes, and he could destroy them all in an instant if he wanted to.  Naturally, all the gods bow before him. 

Turns out Zeno found out about this tournament, and came to scold Beerus and Champa for doing this instead of... you know... their jobs.  Whis and Vados wholeheartedly agree, and complain that all Beerus does is eat and sleep, and all Champa does is eat and eat.  Zeno suggests finding new Gods of Destruction, but then he says he’s just kidding. 

As for the torunament, Zeno seems mildly disappointed that no one told him about this thing, but when he watched the matches, he was pleased with the idea.  And he believes that this could be even more fun if they included the other universes. 

Goku is all for that idea, and he steps forward to talk with Zeno.  His guards take exception to this, but Zeno agrees to talk with Goku, and they basically just agree to do the thing he just said he wanted to do.  Goku offers a handshake, and this is treated like a suspenseful moment, but Zeno returns the shake and says Goku is “funny”. 

After Zeno leaves, everyone gives Goku crap about how dangerous it was for him to approach Zeno, but Goku doesn’t see the big deal.  Just because he can destroy the multiverse doesn’t mean he will.  And if he wants this big tournament he’s proposing, then he needs fighters to participate in it. 

And this informs the entire dynamic between Goku and Zeno.  While everyone else is horrified by Zeno’s power, Goku understands him.  He sees that Zeno just wants to have a good time, and Goku is honest enough and genuine enough that he can simply speak his mind without Zeno feeling disrespected. 

Anyway, Champa and Beerus now realize that this tournament they’ve thrown is basically meaningless now.  At best it was just practice for the next one. So Champa can’t destroy his team after all, because he’ll need them later.  But Beerus still won, so Champa surrenders the six Super Dragon Balls to him and leaves.  Goku asks Hit to schedule a rematch, but Hit isn’t interested in that anytime soon.  Cabba calls Vegeta “Master”, which Vegeta isn’t too happy about.

And guess who’s awake.  Majin Buu slept through this whole business, but he’s up now.  Also, Mr. Satan wants Monaka to join his dojo.  I’m not sure if he bought into Monaka’s performance, or if he recognizes that Monaka was just pretending, the way Mr. Satan does.

That leaves the matter of the last Super Dragon Ball, which Beerus will need to get his wish.  Bulma has a radar to detect it, but she asks Beerus to promise not to wish for anything bad before she uses it.  At first, she thinks it isn’t working, but then Android 18 notices there are seven blips on the radar, indicating that they’re already together somehow.  Monaka suggests this is a matter of failing to think in three dimensions, something that comes up a lot in his line of work, since he has to read cosmic maps and such.  That gives Whis an idea, so he tells everyone to hop in the Hexahedron and get off the planet.

As it turns out, the planet they were standing on this whole time had been the seventh Super Dragon Ball all along.  Piccolo speculates that it ended up here and collided with an asteroid.  Over time, the debris would have been drawn in by the Dragon Ball’s gravitational field, and formed the rocky surface of the “Planet With No Name”. 

This leads to an elaborate, overwrought sequence where the Super Dragon emerges from the Balls.  At first he seems to be the size of a planet, but then he keeps getting bigger, until it looks like he’s dwarfing entire galaxies.  I’m not sure how much of this is literally happening, and Whis informs the rest of them that this is all merely necessary to interact with the dragon.

Finally, they face a smaller (though still enormous) version of the dragon, and Beerus relays his wish to Whis in the “language of the gods.”  He then tells Bulma and the rest that he wished for a more comfortable bed to sleep in, which seems very anticlimactic.

But then we cut to Champa and Vados on their way home, and Vados detects something new in Universe 6.   She shows Champa the planet Earth, which doesn’t impress him until she explains that it’s the Earth of Universe 6.  Apparently, Beerus wished for it to be restored, along with its population, so that Champa could enjoy its cuisine.  Awwww. 

This undoubtedly the best part of this arc.  A lot of it was just pointless filler and unsatisfying matches, but I like the poetry of Beerus and Champa having this wager over Earth, and then Beerus winning the bet and using his wish to give Champa what he wanted.  “What would a god wish for?” indeed.

On Beerus’ planet, we see Monaka return to his normal job, which is some sort of delivery truck driver.  And Beerus has loaded his truck with more cartoon treasure as payment for his services.  In spite of the stress Monaka was placed under, he seems to find this a worthwhile experience.

And that’s it for the tournament, although we do have one more episode with an epilogue of sorts...

[kuuyandere]

Do you ever try to distract yourself? Lately I've been working on my art for like 10 hours a day. I've been sleeping like 5. As soon as I put stylus to tablet, my mind won't stop thinking of drawings or story ideas or sketches or studies or whatever else. I am the sort of person who can get lost in their work, but never to this degree. And I took it easy today for the first time in a while, and I realized why.

As soon as I stopped working, I felt lonely. I started missing my Darling again... She's my best friend, but she's really busy lately. And although we are still friends, slowly and painfully I'm beginning to realize we'll never be as close as we used to. She's just moving onto a whole new stage in life, and I don't think it'll have room for me forever...

I kept trying to lose myself in my work, but as soon as I'm too tired to continue the hollow, empty feeling of life without her sets in again. It's not fair... Do you ever try to distract yourself from your feelings? Have any tips on how to make it last longer, before it starts hurting again?

That sounds really painful, I am sorry you're going through that. I imagine mourning the intimacy you used to have with your darling is a heavy type of loss, and adding that to fearing for the future of your connection is intense. I am in a similar situation, so I kind of understand the feeling. It is especially difficult when you are dependent on your beloved for happiness and meaningful interaction. She becomes more of an emotional need than a want, and the thought of losing her from your life completely is terrifying.

I do tend to distract myself with classes or work and occupying every second of my spare time with editing. Here is the thing about escapism though: it never lasts forever. You could work yourself to the bone, but at some point you will get tired and be back where you started because the feelings are still there, still simmering on the backburner. My tip is to distract yourself with something that directly counteracts the feeling you are trying to avoid, rather than trying to avoid feeling entirely, if that makes sense. For example, I often self-isolate and feel that I can't be happy without my darling, even though that is not true in reality. So I try to force myself to interact with other people or hang around friends I have been neglecting just so I am not dissociating and missing her alone in my room. Sometimes it is ridiculously hard and I am dragging my feet out the door, but it can help with the loneliness a tad or at the very least serve as a reminder that there are things outside of ruminating over her. I don't know if that helps any, sorry for the sermon. I truly hope things get better for you.

[beefxalto]

There was a wasp on me. She was very chill and didn’t sting me, so she might’ve been a he. I still screamed and cried like a baby until I shook it off, but it made me think about Attack on Titan, and the shounen genre as a whole.

I hate canon shipping, because it’s almost always two straight characters who have absolutely no business being together but are anyway because the author/the fans want it to happen, and this point is proven no better than in AOT. (I didn’t finish the anime, but this is a discussion area! Feel free to point out if my opinions are unfounded.)

- Exhibit A: Armin x Annie

For the most part, this is a personal grievance of mine because I ship Eren and Armin. The relationship itself is cute, non-toxic, and all-around unproblematic, but did Armin and Annie ever even talk before S4? I know he was yapping at that crystal she was trapped in, but that doesn’t really count as the talking stage. Honestly, my problems with this ship are purely personal and I don’t fight folks who think it’s cute!

- Exhibit B: Reiner x Christa/Historia

This is also a personal thing of mine because I ship Ymir and Christa. There’s just a lot more romance between them (I’m pretty sure Reiner says he wants to marry Christa once and it was Ymir’s dying wish).

- Exhibit C: Eren x Mikasa

This relationship. I literally used their dynamic for a Dead Dove fic because it was genuinely so toxic to me, and I don’t understand how people unironically think they’re cute. Lie to me and say he treated her well. She quite literally devoted her life to him, and she got a raggedy ass man who is constantly going off and doing his own thing without regard to her feelings or even an acknowledgement of her love?? Perhaps you can excuse him joining the Survey Corps despite her persistent warnings, her following him because she knew he would die by himself, AND HIM PROVING HER RIGHT, but she couldn’t at least get a “I love you”? For real??

Eremika stans will tell me that he did love her, and I’m not denying that, but he’s still so wrong for not once reciprocating her feelings (Yes, I know about the scene where he says he doesn’t want to die and wants to live happily with her, but he doesn’t ever say anything even resembling that to her face).

This is a problem in a lot of shounen anime/manga. Two characters who either never had any meaningful onscreen interaction or have an explicitly toxic relationship just end up together because he was a boy and she was a girl and do I need to say any more?? And I won’t sit here and pretend that there are no straight ships that work because there are (Connie and Sasha lowkey had my heart), but when female characters are written to be shallow complements to their male love interest/ally, the romances they have with those men feels just as shallow.

This is also why gay ships can feel more fulfilling and complex than straight ones, because male characters are written to have actual dimension and personality. There’s always more to it than them just being friends or enemies or whatever else is in between. They feel like real people who actually fell in love, and not just characters who were made to pine after each other.

So, next time you think about bashing a gay ship, remember that misogyny is the reason I think Eren Yeager takes it up the booty.

[crayonon]

🔥Flarecare Story🔥

After-Dinner Conversation

For this story I wanted to detail FC!Polly’s family life before she got admitted to the hospital, as well as some headcanons for TUC. She definitely has no problems experiencing emotions now lol

Doom was just cleaning up after their family reunion dinner. All of their family friends and relatives came over to catch up and talk about what was going on in their lives now that the peril of the hospital was behind them. The adults all talked about whatever and the kids were all sat in their rooms or playing outside until dinner was ready. Right now it was nearly 11 P.M., everyone else had driven back home and all of the others did their chores for the aftermath of the dinner. Uni and Barry were in charge of the dishes, Polly was in charge of checking through all the rooms for anything the kids might’ve left behind. Doom was on dish sorting duty, so he had to wait until the dishwasher cycle was over.

He was in the middle of sorting the plates from small to large when he heard descending footsteps from his right. A smooth voice that was raspy with sleep caught his attention.

“Hey, Doom…”

It wasn’t until he looked up when he saw the source of the voice.

“Oh. Hey Polly, I thought you said you were going to bed.”

Polly usually went to bed earlier, since a side effect of the after-treatment meds was drowsiness. Polly ran a hand through her hair and let out a sigh.

“Yeah, yeah I… couldn’t sleep. Wanted to see what you were up to.”

“Well, not much. Still sorting the dishes out.”

Polly nodded and hummed an affirmative response. He was then silent for a while. Like he was thinking of saying something. He wanted to tell them something, but something inside of them was too afraid to.

“… h-hey, honey?”

Doom looks up at Polly and notices the unsure expression on their face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothings wrong, just um,”

Polly chews on her lip nervously, a habit that she picked up after the release from the hospital.

“You remember why I said my parents couldn’t make it to the dinner today?”

Doom turns fully towards Polly, leaning against the counter. “Yeah, you said they were busy with their work and had to travel out of state?”

Polly nods. “Yeah. I wanted to tell you that I might’ve been a little… untruthful when I said that.”

Doom’s look said it all. Polly continues. “The thing is… I don’t know what they’re doing.”

“What?” Doom gets up and pulls up a seat at the table before sitting down skullself. “Have a seat. You can explain it more.”

Polly takes its seat in front of its husband. “Thank you…”

“You are in a state to explain it more, right?”

Polly nods, swallowing the lump in its throat. “Yes, s-sorry.

It sighs. “I like to think I had a good relationship with my parents. They weren’t negligent, I had access to a good education, and all that other stuff. But they had a problem with me running off when I was little, and I think that’s what caused my TUC. One day, we decided to go to a farm. I was 13 years old at this point. When they weren’t looking I decided to sneak a drop of the unfiltered winter plorb milk that’s usually the hotspot for the virus.” It chuckled sadly. “It wasn’t even that good, if I’m being honest.

“When I first got my TUC, my mom and dad were understandably worried about me. The first stages were always hard. The virus takes a while to spread fully to the final stages. First, I started to feel warmer and it would only get worse every week. They didn’t know what it was, and they tried every cold medicine and remedy they could find. Every pill, every shot, every cough syrup, and keep in mind, a cure for this was not available yet. It was just springing up out of nowhere and it irked every scientist as well. It got to the point that I actually vomited one day because of all the different medicine in my system.

“The second stage didn’t help my parents at all. I then started to feel slightly less warm. My parents were ecstatic, because they thought that it was clearing up. What I was actually going through was a transitional period of my temperature. My temperature dropped and didn’t stop dropping. I then noticed how the kids at school were… nicer to me than usual. Even I didn’t know what it was. I started getting full body shivers, cold sweats, joint pain, and it wasn’t until I woke up in a pool of my own condensation that I asked my parents to get me diagnosed.

After my diagnosis , my parents… didn’t really know what to do at this point. We didn’t know anything about the virus, about how contagious it was, how it’s spread, if they were exposed to it and were just asymptomatic, so they just didn’t know what to do. So they just left it. I stayed a final stage patient for almost 4 years before I got old enough to be admitted to the hospital. And, well,”

Polly gestured to his feet.

“You know how that went.”

“Then, when we all got freed, why weren’t your parents at the house?”

Polly got still. “… One of the symptoms of the virus is a loss of memory. When we finally signed the paperwork, I was so excited to see my parents again. My family, my neighborhood, anything that was familiar to me. But…” Polly felt a lump in their throat. “… I didn’t know where. I didn’t know where they were. After more time, I realized that I didn’t even remember my own relatives. It has been so long that everything I remember has been wiped away. I forgot my parents, their names, their ages, my address, the few friends I had made,” Polly’s tears started flowing freely. “Everything. I forgot everything I loved. I don’t even know if I should be mad at myself or my parents, what was even the point of escaping if everyone you know has probably presumed you as dead and you can’t even tell them you’re still alive?? I can’t even call them because, I c-can’t even remember my home phone…”

Polly starts sobbing quietly. Doom quickly gets up and wraps his arms around it, running his hand through its scalp. “Polly, Polly, it’s alright… I’m sure we’ll be able to find your family, we just haven’t tried every option yet. When… when I was born, I was put up for adoption. I don’t even know where they are now, or if they’re even still alive. It has been so long since… and I still miss them.”

He pulls back to look at Polly, and wipes a stray tear from her eye with his thumb. “You’re not alone in this. You have a whole network of people who can help you this time.” He kisses her nose. “Things are different now.”

She sniffles, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Thanks… you don’t know how much this means to me…”

“… I do.”

Doom helps her up from the chair. “Do you need a minute to yourself, or…?”

Polly chuckles, her mood starting to brighten. “No, I’m positive that I will start crying again if that happens. Maybe we can watch something until I go to sleep?”

Doom smiles. “Sounds like a plan.”

Doom wraps their arm around its shoulders and guides it back upstairs.

[checkmatehq]

wait till you hear about this next nominee: OGAWA KAORU, born on the 12th of JUNE, 1996 and bears a striking resemblance to MIYAWAKI SAKURA. they’re a FIRST year BACHELOR OF INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS student and ARE FLUENT IN FIVE LANGUAGES — impressed yet? rumor has it they’re hoping to be the WIFE OF A SUCCESSFUL, INFLUENTIAL FIGURE, but personally, i think they should aim a little higher — something like the king’s club, for one. now, that suits them a little more, don’t you think? guess we’ll just have to see if they’ve got the talent for it in our upcoming recruitment round.

OGAWA KAORU IS THE KING'S CLUB'S 2019 BLACK PAWN.

there’s an underlying hope in your name that no one dares to say out loud, one that clearly outlines the bitterness your birth sparks in both of your parents. you are ogawa kaoru, firstborn, taking the crown from the boy you should have been. you are ogawa kaoru, and by nature you are a disappointment.

your mother comes from a long line of kabuki actors that dies with her (women have no place on stage, your grandfather tells you between deep-bellied laughs when you ask him why she couldn’t simply succeed him in his craft) and the life you lead is everything she wanted you to be able to avoid.

(kaori, mother says, that’s what i wanted your name to be. but your father believed to the last moment i would gift him a son.)

your first few years of life you spend in a twilight zone. in the rare moments you see your father it’s like his gaze sweeps over your head, only seeing what he wants to see: the hair kept short so he can delude himself that your childhood androgyny proves that the nurses were simply wrong, the cute boys’ clothes your mother had already been gifted prior to your birth (your father didn’t want them to check, he was so sure of himself). as long as you keep quiet and nod when he expects you to all was well.

kaname is born five and a half years after you, and it’s only then that your mother and you can breathe a shared sigh of relief. with a real boy to eventually take over family business you are no longer needed to play-act to placate your father’s fervent grip on his alternate reality. with a real boy you can now take the place in the shadows that has always been yours by birthright.

you are kaname’s translator long before either of you have a grasp on what speaking a foreign language means. japan has few diamond resources of its own so your family's business spans multiple nations and an equal amount of languages. you pick up on english before you’re taught in school and by the time you’re graduating middle school you can string together convincing enough sentences in russian and mandarin, too. you’re your brother’s translator, his confidante, his lifeline in a house that only cares about what his chromosomes look like and you resent him for it. your existence is taken for granted all over. this time, it just means that you’re expected to come to his aid, expected to translate, expected to set aside whatever you are doing because you’re a good big sister and until you can get married your primary role is the one of your brother’s glorified assistant.

living in the shadows, you quickly learn, comes with just as many rules as taking on the role of a missing son — they’re just implied, because you’re fifteen and not five and expected to pick them up out of the air around you. a lady isn’t outright told the rules of the game, a lady learns them through osmosis (fancy word, isn’t it? impressive how vividly you still recall seventh year biology, isn’t it?) and immediately knows how to put them to work. you don’t understand them, but if nothing else your entire childhood is a game of mimicry and your mother is your easiest target.

nothing you ever are is yours to own, and that is how it’s meant to be. you’re fine with it, you tell yourself. 

you apply for seoul national university on a whim, even if it ends up costing you time refining your language skills (you’re already fluent, but fluency is not enough to get you through one of korea’s most prestigious universities), ceding your spot at tokyo university (top scores on entry, of course) and restarting at square one. you can’t explain why but there’s this visceral need hooked underneath your sternum that steals your breath unless you let it pull you away from home. 

this could be mine, a voice at the back of your mind whispers, far away from your father’s delusions, your brother’s expectations and your mother’s hollow shell. you tell yourself not to get greedy but as you get on the plane to seoul you know you’ve already tasted too much blood to return home to your controlled, static existence without a fight.

a fight you get. your particular blend of japanese and filthy rich means that you’re met with the mantle of an imperialist thrown your way before you can even introduce yourself. it makes sense, you suppose, if you look back at history, and it irks you because how do these people expect you to make up for your forebears’ horrors when you can barely get your father to look at you?

you learn the language at a breakneck pace, study like a woman obsessed. the faster you can signal to your new environment that you’re willing to bend for them, the less resistance you will be met with. ‘your korean is so good,’ the compliments start rolling in. you smile bashfully, lower your gaze. ‘oh, please, i still have so much left to learn.’ bit by bit you’re let into their circles, if only as a plaything, a lap dog. you’re not worth more, if you’ve betrayed your roots already to fit in, who’s not to say you won’t betray again in the face of a greater opportunity?

the lap dog life you’re familiar with already, it’s the same motions as at home, just in a different font. feign incompetence, fake adoration, express gratitude at the scraps tossed your way and sooner or later you will cease to be a person in the eyes of others. you’re an accessory, a pretty piece of decoration, an echo given human shape. this is where you'll truly have your in.

you’re practically expected to want a seat at the king’s club’s table, and it’s treated as something for you to aspire to but never really get. the sins of your forebears, remember? well, you decide you want a seat for yourself anyway. you will earn it, it will be yours, you will make it so and if your opposition can’t keep up — it’s not on you to babysit someone else’s ambitions. want it enough or resign yourself to never getting what you want. (it’s overwhelming to want something, you understand. it’s suffocating and nauseating and leaves you trembling because failure is not an option, but if others can’t weather the blows it’s not your fault you can.)

it stings to face the music, to look into the mirror and peel away the tape and gauze that has made the hurt bearable but once you do, it’s liberating. 

you’d love to claim that you didn’t know you were capable of deception and manipulation like that, that it’s this dog-eat-dog world that ruined you like that but the truth is, all that has changed is that you’re doing the same thing you’ve always done with purpose. osmosis, remember seventh year biology? the time for osmosis is now over. you’re conscious of what you take in, of what you’re teaching yourself, of what you’re pulling out of your soul to sharpen into tools to get you ahead.

your sort of saccharine is the artificial kind, the one that coats the tongue and lingers until it’s overstayed its welcome and your metallic, bitter aftertaste makes the stomach churn. it works, however. men are so willing to swallow the bitter with a spoonful of sugar if it means their ego is fed and even if your quest for marriage takes its time crawling along you find that you enjoy the way your attention becomes something desirable. you are wanted, and that’s more than what you’ve been afforded for most of your life.

hyungseo is a pretty gem. he’s nice to look at, and in your hands he could mean a wealth of opportunities, but when he dies you don’t find yourself mourning for long. the guilt you’ve long learned to stash away, to make it small and swallow it. if you let guilt get in the way of the life you’ve been raking together for yourself you do not deserve it. you feign bereavement appropriate for someone of your degree of removal, cry a few crocodile tears and wait. grief is temporary, you tell yourself, and eventually everyone will forget. that's just how it goes.

you meet your future husband at a networking event during the first semester of your last year. he’s handsome and has a bright, pearly smile and he too falls hook line and sinker for your saccharin schtick. it should feel insulting, how easy it is, but you quickly realize that he too is an outsider — korean-american, born on the wrong side of the pond with supposedly right ideas and none of the care for the history of his people. what matters is his standing, his beliefs, his money. you too, are meant to be his.

really, what you do is trade cages. the new one is so very, very small, you quickly learn, and rather than gilded its bars are already covered in verdigris. you are the second wife, the echo of what is left of his first, true love (his first, true love that left in time, the one who looked at the red flags he raised as he slowly but surely put up fences around her to keep her trapped), you’re a plaything, a potted plant, a lap dog.

you've done it before, you can do it again. you have to. you use him too, make no mistake, and you do it without remorse but this feels different. it’s a war of attrition and neither of you can let go without losing face, he just doesn’t know it yet. maybe if he acknowledged it, he’d have to reckon with the fact that he’s found his match in you.

you find ways around your new cage. if you dislocate your shoulder just a little more you can lean out into the evening air long enough for him not to notice. if you’re willing to pop your leg back into its hip socket after sneaking back into your cage he might not care enough to notice the limp in your step — might attribute that to his virility or something along these lines if he does. bonus points for stroking his ego.

the cage is tiny and its bars have long since lost their shine but with enough determination (not too much, or you might start wanting more again and goodness knows where that would get you) there are ways to bend and twist and remember that you are, if nothing else, not yet bound to the shadows the way your mother was.

not yet.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Building cute mechanical robots to bring a smile to someone's face

I can’t remember the last time we had a crafting event related to mechanical stuff, specifically robots. Daisy Jane and I were just visiting to catch a performance at the opera house when Connie managed to snag some tickets for us. It was done by a local theater troupe, which was why that was possible, though just barely.

Seems like they weren’t exaggerating about how just putting Madeleine’s name on something will make crowds instantly flock to it. In other words, if it was a larger scale sort of thing, like the more renowned and well known theater troupes, they would be sold out in an instant, so getting tickets would be near impossible, especially if you’re not from these parts.

The show is called A Butterfly’s Rose, a loose adaptation of a mystery romance novel. According to Aurelie, who has tried to read the book several times, the story has a good premise, but the writing makes it difficult to follow. She said the best way to describe the author’s writing style is superfluous, which she finds a shame as it could’ve been good. A lot of people felt the same, and so it’s been adapted to theater multiple times in hopes of making a coherent story.

Prior to Madeleine and the Allaire theater troupe’s version, the last adaptation was done about 50 years ago. What makes this current adaptation different is how much it strays from the source material - in a good way. Basically, Madeleine took a lot of creative liberties and managed to condense the story by only focusing on one aspect and expanding on that.

What’s interesting is that the characters she chose to zero in on were Bea and Florentin as their parts are often left out of most adaptations. From my understanding, they’re more like supporting characters, but they kinda set the stage for everything else that’s going on, so they are important. Madeleine says she gets why they’re cut, and that’s why she wanted the spotlight on them because, like many aspects of the book, there was potential, but it all got lost in the chaos.

Since I know absolutely nothing about the source material, I find the play a good standalone kind of thing. I mean, I’ve been told that it’s a very loose adaptation, so the source material isn’t essential to know. Rather than going for a faithful adaptation, which sounds impossible and probably wouldn’t translate well to theater anyway, they went for the inspiration route, which they pulled off well.

I found the drama and musical numbers engaging, and based on the standing ovations, so did the audience. Pai did say that getting Madeleine involved is sure to elevate things, not because she’s practically a celebrity, but because she knows what she’s doing when it comes to the arts. The others note that she’s a lot happier working behind the scenes, especially now that she’s free to do whatever she wants without being burdened by her past.

While the show was the main reason why we’re up here, we also wanted to come to chill and hang out, as well as explore more of Marippe. Now that the cleanup is done and reconstruction is almost finished, things have been pretty much back to normal. Aurelie’s hometown, Marillon, was hit pretty hard, so they still have a bit of work left there, though it’s nothing they can’t handle, she says.

Compared to the last time I visited, the difference is like night and day. Sure, it’s a busy city, but things were a lot quieter back then, mainly because a lot of places were closed. It was also cold and rainy because it was winter, so obviously there wasn’t gonna be a lot of people outside. Plus, there was the fact that I didn’t really spend a lot of time at the city as we were underwater exploring some ruins.

We didn’t really have anything planned after the show, so we tagged along with Connie and Pai. Well, mainly Pai because Connie had some important matters to attend to outside of the city. It ended up working out well because Layla, Melody, and Bennett are visiting too because they were dispatched on missions here.

Then we tagged along with Topaz as he was commissioned by someone to make toy robots for a pediatric oncology ward. I remember Beryl saying that Topaz often works with mechanics and occasionally takes commissions for custom stuff.

Apparently, he often gets mistaken for an engineer from the research institute, and when they find out he isn’t, they often ask why. Truth is, Topaz doesn’t really have an answer other than he’s not the studious type, so he just says he doesn’t have time, which isn’t completely far from the truth. After all, he’s said that mechanics is more of a hobby for him and he wants to keep it that way.

Since this is a special commission, Topaz is looking for help, so this is where we come in. He wants to make it special for the kids, so he’s going above and beyond not just to make toys, but companions for these kids. Like, for example, one kid wants a koi fish that sings their favorite song, while another wants a penguin that can act like a pet - unique stuff like that. Obviously, Topaz wouldn’t have given the kids the options to personalize like that if he couldn’t do it, so I guess that says a lot about his abilities.

Along with me, Daisy Jane, Pai, Layla, Bennett, and Melody helping out, Topaz also found another helper, a visitor from abroad who’s in a bit of a bind. While the rest of us handle tasks like gathering materials and some basic crafting, Topaz and Misha did the more technical stuff. I’d say it’s not that much different than gyroid events, maybe just a bot more intensive, which I found refreshing.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Bennett and Melody, so it’s nice to catch up with them. Bennett’s visited Marippe a few times and actually met the toymakers Topaz occasionally works with. Apparently, one of them was so inspired by him that he made a limited edition board game based on his adventures in Marippe. However, the gameplay was said to be a bit confusing and it didn’t really sell. Still, it made for a nice collector’s item if you’re into that sort of thing. Now I’m kinda intrigued.

Melody’s been busy doing doubles for Connie by going on various missions abroad, research on the side, as well as training Aurelie and Coralie, another new member of Connie’s ever growing adventure party. She’s one of the few members who’s on call, meaning that anyone in the group can call her over and she’ll be there, even if it’s overseas.

Even though she’s part of the same guild as Bennett, her job’s more of an office type thing where she doesn’t have to come in often, leaving her with a lot of free time on her hands while still being paid really well. Some have actually accused her of being paid to do nothing because of her hotshot adventurer parents, which is obviously not true. In a way, they did kind of hand that job to her, but they wouldn’t have recommended her to reconnaissance if they didn’t think she was up to it, nor would she have decided to stick with it.

With the process of getting clearance to travel to Sazona about to begin, Melody’s prepared to begin gathering information to prepare for what’s ahead. She did a thorough job with Adrikha and Marippe, and so by now she’s got a routine down. It’s a lot of work and someone has to do it, so why not her? She finds the work engaging, not to mention that she’s one of the first to travel to a new place. Sounds like a good deal to me!

Along with just wanting to travel and adventure more, another reason why Melody’s doing doubles is because she just got her own place, which happens to be in the same building as Meggie’s. She still has a lot to do, and part of it has to do with her not being home a lot, but since moving is expensive, especially when you’re starting from nothing, she just wants to be safe in terms of finances. Thankfully, the rent is low, which is why Meggie’s able to stay there.

Living on your own for the first is exciting and scary, so I wish her the best.

Speaking of new living situations, Layla’s on the search for a new place too. She went from living in the dorms to a campus apartment because it was cheaper. However, she’s not too satisfied with the housing arrangement as she’s living with four other people. Her roommates aren’t bad, but she’s more of an introvert, so having to share a space with them has made her feel kind of cramped.

What prompted Layla to move was that a couple weeks ago, one of her roommates got doxxed. Basically, a neighbor of the roommate plagiarized one of her short stories by tweaking some things and submitting it to a magazine for publication. The roommate considered suing, but then decided to talk things out with the neighbor, who was uncooperative and basically dared her to sue.

Roommate decided not to press the issue further as she saw it was pointless. Then for whatever reason, the neighbor decided to dox her and now he’s in a lot of trouble obviously. After all, he didn’t put her at risk, her housemates are also affected by it. Damn, fuck that guy.

Campus security has been helpful in terms of keeping everyone safe as well as trying to help those who want to move. Since Layla’s a student, her options are kind of limited at the moment, but she’s on the waitlist for a single dorm. She literally got an email this morning that there will be an opening soon as someone’s moving out, so that’s good news. That means when she gets back in a couple days, she’ll have a dorm ready to be moved in. That’s a relief!

Topaz’s assistant, Misha, is from overseas, though his mother was from Marippe and was actually a research engineer from the institute. He had hoped to follow in her footsteps, but realized early on that he wanted to branch off. As for what exactly that is, he’s still trying to figure that out. In short, he’s made some bad investments for some sort of project and is trying to dig himself out of that hole without having his family involved. Apparently, the last time that happened, his mother had to intervene, which I can imagine was embarrassing, and his reputation took a hit because of that.

It’s a good thing he ran into Topaz, who was looking for an assistant with specific skills. Pai says it’s not uncommon for her and Connie to run into people like Misha who are stuck in bind and need help. While getting paid is a factor, Misha also hopes this experience will help him bring some insights he can use to hopefully salvage the project. As for what it is, he says it’s hard to explain in layman’s terms because it’s super technical, but to put simply, he might have been too overambitious.

The reason why the painter, Desiree, commissioned Topaz is because of her son, who passed away a couple months ago from cancer. She had talked about her son as if he was still alive and really wanted to make something special for him. We later found out that her son basically grew up in the pediatric oncology ward and was said to be inquisitive and artistic. All he wanted was to be healthy enough to run around and play like other kids his age. Such a simple thing to ask for, and yet it was basically a fantasy for him.

About a year ago, his cancer became terminal. which made him depressed and withdrawn. Desiree tried her best to lift his spirits up, even giving him the possibility that despite his grim prognosis, maybe a miracle can still happen. In the end, however, that was not meant to be.

How sad it is to watch your child slowly wither and die in front of you? It’s not fair for a kid whose life is just beginning to just be taken away like that. No wonder she chose to live in a fantasy world where her son’s still hanging on for a miracle. I remember hearing something about how some people would rather believe a beautiful lie rather than confront the ugly truth, and honestly, who can blame her?

I think talking with the kids at the cancer ward was an eye opening experience for us, one that Desiree really needed. A handful of these kids are sadly terminal and they have their ways of coping with their futures, which is basically making the most of whatever time they have left. It can’t be easy, especially for those who have been sick for most of their lives, to live with the fact that your life is ending before it can begin.

So, along with making toys for the kids, we were helping Desiree deal with her grief. Misha seemed to be right when he realized that she was dealing with a lot of regrets, which isn’t uncommon. He was close to his mother, who died unexpectedly not too long ago, and that was what prompted this project, which was based on her research. In a way, he wanted to sort of cement her legacy, though he doesn’t think he’s doing a very good job of it considering the predicaments he’s in. Sounds like he was close to his mother and understands what Desiree’s going through, so it makes sense that he was able to reach out to the grieving mother.

After learning the full story, Topaz and Misha decided to go all out to create something special for Desiree. She had requested a heron and gave them her son’s illustrations as reference, which look like they came out of a fairy tale. According to one of the nurses who took care of him, he wanted to be a painter like his mother. Since he was often in bed, he would make up fairy tale stories with his paintings. Unfortunately, as his illness progressed, holding a paintbrush became difficult for him, and when he could no longer do that, it seemed like he lost the will to fight.

The heron took Desiree by surprise, especially since Topaz did a really good job of turning a painting into a physical object, like it was taken right out of the paper. He also gave the heron a voice, using various quotes from the story. Maybe for a moment she thought that her son really was right there with her, and because she could feel his presence, she could finally say goodbye to him. A bittersweet ending all around.

Of course, the kids enjoyed their companions, and now Topaz has more requests from other floors. Since he has the time, he’s gonna work something out. Misha’s not planning to go home anytime soon because of his predicament, so he’s happy to help out too. He said that he mainly tagged along in hopes of finding a distraction, but instead, seeing Desiree’s ordeal made him confront some things he’s been trying run away from, like his own grief. Despite the challenges he’s dealing with now, Misha’s determined to honor his mother’s memory like the heron and Desiree’s son. I wish him luck.

No matter how long or short your life is, it’s bound to leave an effect on someone. Regardless of what you might think, your absence will be felt. I know it’s hard to believe, but as I got older and experience more of the world, I realize how true it is. As insignificant as you think you are, as long as you exist, you’re still leaving footprints regardless of how much or little of an impact you think you have. And I think that’s what makes being alive worth it.

Now that I think about it, these robots aren’t simply just companions for these kids who are fighting tough battles with uncertain futures, but they’re something for them to leave behind, a reminder to the world and to their families that they once existed, that they will never really be gone. A lot of the more complex requests came from those who know their time is limited, so they want to offer a parting gift to those closest to them. I can imagine how special these companions will be long after they’re gone.

[contemplatorr]

there's a single second between the moment brooke gets closer to her and puts the microphone on her face and the moment barbara properly acts, taking the final verse to the name of the game to herself. in this single second, she wonders if she can even actually sing, if she is still able to open her mouth as she was before getting in the stage, she feels dash running rom where he is to get the microphone and sing it as he's been doing since the start of the tour, just him and brooke while barbara quietly does backing voice. she understands now what people say when a single second changes everything.

but then she lets the lyrics belt out of her throat, a huge smile taking all of her face when she does it, the audience screaming at her and with her while they finished the song. nothing in the world matters more than keep singing, and barbara has to hold herself back to not moan into the microphone as brooke and dash did to relieve the tension, letting brooke offer her goodbyes to the crowd while she left the stage as soon as she could, giving her bass to the first crew member she saw. you did well, and though she thought it was unnecessary to compliment her for singing a single verse out of a huge setlist, she was too excited to do anything other than appreciating the compliments, high on adrenaline. playing was already thrilling enough, but singing . . .

and then everyone gets backstage and the spell is broken; dash comes in already ready to start swinging on her, wondering why the fuck she sang his part when she knew it was his. you were too far! i just went along. she was being totally honest, though he wouldn't want to believe anyway. he simply had something against her, from the moment she showed up in his life and said hey, i think i can play bass quite well. and she could! that's all she wanted to, bringing her husband with her in the deal. no desire to take over the live-in playground that was dash's band, no desire to take his leadership and whatever it was he protected so fiercely.

he didn't want to believe her then, he wouldn't want to believe her now, just one day after he caught her and his dear wife making out in a corner, busy in a way they wouldn't have noticed he was there if he hadn't make his presence obvious, clearly ready to make a little show out of that moment. barbara didn't do much besides nodding to brooke and leaving, more worried about whatever was going on between them than the fact that dash had caught them kissing.

she had established that rule with jim even before they started the tour: all is allowed. not that she planned to do much, since she wasn't too fond of making out with her own husband anyway, but it was a way of getting jim off her for awhile and avoiding facing embarrassing conversations about what he was doing or how guilty he felt. no time for a moral crisis or whatever. we will be back home soon. he jumped at the opportunity, no more questions, and barbara certainly had no questions of her own until her own awakening.

she had no idea of when it had happened, but it had: the same way groupies would come into backstage looking for any man with an instrument, someone came looking for her. her initial idea was to laugh it off and ditch the girl, i don't even think i like sex, but the girl had other plans, and barbara remembers kissing her and feeling her hands all over the body and thinking maybe i do want sex. the girl was already getting ready to leave when she woke up the next morning, leaving behind a confused barbara with a newfound discovery.

at first, she tried to pretend it must had been a dream, every night looking for the same trace of acknowledgment she saw in that girl's face in the groupies that would come into backstage. it didn't work every night, but it was enough to keep her satisfied.

she was clearly too busy with her own life to care for anyone else's, but she knew there was a sort of deal between brooke and dash too, though their thing seemed to be no deal at all. both of them liked to scandalously claim about how much they were screwing around, with each other and other people, and barbara wanted no part in that until she was the one in the middle, experiencing the mix of softness and roughness brooke had in her firsthand.

" you should have given him the mic. no offense, i appreciated it, i just don't want your husband all mad at me when we still have a long run. he's already annoying enough trying to dictate my bass lines. " she tries to say it politely, not too rough, not too nice, not too worried. in no way she was afraid of dash, but she didn't want any trouble. " it was really cool, though. thanks. "

[audible--silence]

Heard abroad…

Whatever the question, the market is the answer

“Too many white people not enough markets”

“I mean i still didn’t understand any of it but i understood it was nice”

Pedophile and a dead aunt. You love to see it!

I exist to do the dumb thing and subsequently encourage everyone else to also do the dumb thing

“At least it isn’t Kevin”

“Home is the place where you keep ending up and you don’t really know why”

“Home is where you keep going back to your abuser”

Death is good business but without the repeat customers

As long as you have enough to buy linch on your first day, you have enough to figure it out

“Fucking cyrus man…” on cocktails and cacao ceremonies

It feels like im looking at the relic of a golden age that doesn’t know its past its best before date

Lots of people breeds competition in both capitalism and creativity. Capitalism also breeds racism.

Nobody gives one fuck about you here which is both amazing and kinda isolating

Its like if every city ive ever been to merged into one and did a bunch of drugs

I have fewer ideas but i have a lot of resolution so when i want one to work i just throw everything at it till it does

luck favors those who need it/rely on it in good faith

I was busy being sad and shit so I wasn’t in the mood for a heart attack

How lucky we are, to know that as long as we have charge on our phone or an internet connection, we’ll never go without

Going nowhere the long way

“Fuck you”

“What?”

“I was talking to the aircon”

Calories dont work on Mondays

Chicken is made by man, duck is made by god

Thats why i pay the rent

The only case there is is a quesadilla

It’s strangely captivating.

A city of nine million perfect strangers and nine million deranged fucking maniacs.

Everyone fits in. Because theres no such thing as “too different” out here.

Milk that mfer for every lil drop of lactation in it’s scary asymmetrical titty

Everybody be skipping to the calm down phase of life without ever experiencing the youthful fuckaround stage

The lifeline on my hand seems to doing fine.

The other two, I cant quite remember what they’re supposed to mean. Something about happiness or love.

They’re looking a little worse for wear lately.

“Look Ill extend him an olive branch but only so i can whack him over the head with it”

“After all, the universe continues to surprise, bewilder, and enchant, irrespective of our inquiries. As the tale concludes, may it inspire a subtle nod toward the dance of untamed contemplations—a dance best performed with an enigmatic grin.”

Thinking is for Jerry's (2023) - Professor Longwang

I feel glad to have an end date but miserable to end it

Scared of old reality but excited to confirm or deny it

Confused about my choices here and whether my feelings were made from genuine feelings

“How was the quality of your call?” Asks the messenger app.

To which I cannot reply.

Because to reply honestly would not do justice to the quality of the app, and instead be a comment on my experience of it.

The feeling in my gut when she said she met someone.

The thoughts back to all the times where I wanted to tell you i was yours.

All at once.

With a vengeance

Stabbing in the chest

What am i doing here

Accidentally drunk off a Manhattan i didnt want and a quarter pint of Guinness

In New York

In the rain

Trying desperately to find a job

In a field im hardly good at

It seems to me that it boils down.

When you look at the root of it all

What do you want

What do i want

How you utilize the two to make a life that brings you joy

Kill me, im french

Traveling is honestly comparable to hard drugs at this point: intense, euphoric, lands you in sketchy circumstances and often leads to living in very questionable scenarios. It also has a tendency to leave you broke as fuck and wondering where the last six months went

It do be a lil comedic,

A city of 12 million mother fuckers buzzing around packed in like a hive, and I’ve hardly made a friend.

[slasherhaven]

can i request the slashers w an s/o who holds their hand a lot? like i absentmindedly will just hold my hand out and wait for someone to hold it back lol. also i love your blog you are such a talented writer💛💛

The Slashers with a S/O who likes to hold their hand a lot:

Thomas Hewitt

Will never reject your attempts to hold his hand. If you want to hold his hand, he will never stop you. If he does reject your offer, you know something is very wrong with him. Even before you're dating, if you obviously asked to hold his hand, he wouldn't be able to deny you. He likes how your hand feels in his, and becomes very fond of the gesture.

Will hold your hand at the dinner table if you wanted it. He seriously just cannot deny you (and his honestly likes it just as much as you do). Even if you wanted to hold his hand during supper, the two of you will happily be eating onehanded. Luda May thinks it's impractical but sweet. Hoyt and Monty are repulsed by how cute the two of you are.

Michael Myers 

What is this? He doesn't understand why you're so needy to hold hands so often. Try not to grab his hand without warning, or he's going to get a little defensive about it.

Does not understand your need to hold hands, but he finds it easier not to argue you with you. It's not much of a burden, so he lets it slide. He still doesn't understand your need to hold his hand but he's going to allow it if there is no reason not too. If you want to hold his hand, fine whatever, it doesn't bother him. And he totally doesn't actually enjoy it.

Jason Voorhees

Absolutely melts whenever you take his hand. No matter how long you and Jason have been together for, he just feels all fuzzy when you slip your hand into his. It's such a soft gesture, you don't even think about it, but it's also so loving and makes him feel even more connected to you.

Will hold your hand 24/7. He always insists on holding your hand when walking around in the woods anyway, because he thinks it's too dangerous and wants to keep you close. But if you want to hold his hand at any other time, even in the safety of your home, he is more than happy to do so.

Brahms Heelshire

Will always hold your hand. If you want to hold his hand and show him attention, he isn't going to stop you! Especially in the earlier stages of your relationship or just after he's revealed himself to you, he's just happy to see that you're accepting him and trusting him. No matter how long you are together, he is always happy to hold your hand.

It becomes something that he enjoys just as much as you. Brahms loves any form of affection and attention but he would have never put handholding towards the top of his favourite affectionate gestures list. You have changed his mind on that a little though. He understands why you like handholding so much.

Bo Sinclair 

Doesn’t mind a bit of handholding if it’s to show someone who you belong too. Whenever you take hold of his hand in front of a group of visitors, Bo will always pull you closer to him possessively. He will even do that around his brothers. If the three of them are talking and you take hold of Bo's hand, he's definitely going to smirk to himself and pull you closer.

But doesn’t understand your constant desire for it. He thinks handholding is a practical way of getting your relationship across to other people but he doesn't quite understand why you want to do so so often, even in the house when it's just the two of you. And he will probably brush it off if he's tending to something. But if he's not busy, he doesn't see anything wrong with just letting you hold his hand. Plus, it does feel kinda nice...

Vincent Sinclair

Learns to work with one hand. He's already pretty talented at working onehanded, but he masters that skill during his time with you. He enjoys holding your hand just as much as you enjoy holding his. Whenever he does have to take his hand back for a moment, you will just wait with your palm held out until he returns his hand to yours. Getting back to work.

Doesn't care about anything Bo has to say about it. He doesn't care whenever Bo teases the two of you. How could he care when you're right there, holding his hand and rolling your eyes at his twin. He's happy, that's all that matters.

Lester Sinclair

Will hold your hand whenever you want! Whenever you want to hold Lester's hand, he is more than happy to do so too. He gets the biggest smile on his face when you randomly slip your hand into his and lace your fingers together. And whenever you absentmindly hold your hand out for him to take, he will always place his hand in yours, making you smile.

The two of you might as well be attached. If you take Lester's hand, he's not going to be letting it go anytime soon. Whenever you go into Ambrose together, you're practically always holding hands, always together, always attached. His brothers have just accepted it at this point.

Bubba Sawyer 

Also loves hand holding! Bubba absolutely loves handholding but loves holding your hand especially. It's just a sweet little gesture that brings him smile. It warms his heart and brings a smile to his face. If you're not seeking out his hand to hold, he's seeking out yours.

You're both very tiring to the other members of the family. Yes, they get it. You're both happy and in love. Can they get a moment of peace now? You're always together, refusing to let go of each other. It makes them sick. You and Bubba don't care.

Billy Lenz 

You both hold hands without even realising it. You love holding his hand and he's gotten pretty clingy since you started dating, so you're holding hands nearly constantly. You truly don't even realise it half the time, until you need two hands and realise Billy is still attached to one of them.

It actually brings him a lot of comfort. You bring Billy a lot of comfort in general but sometimes you touch really helps. Holding your hand is like a safety thing for him, making him feel safe, loved, comforted, and cared for. What more could he ask for?

Asa Emory (The Collector)

Quickly learns it's a comfort (sometimes unconscious) thing for you. While Asa might not usually be the most affectionate person, he isn't going to reject you because he knows it's something that's important to you (even if it isn't necessarily conscious to you). If you want to hold his hand, as he isn't busy, then you can hold his hand.

Acts completely disinterested in it but is very understanding. He barely reacts when you take his hand or absently hold your hand out with him, he just laces his fingers through yours or takes your hand in his. Other than holding your hand, he barely takes any attention away from what he was doing.

Jesse Cromeans (Chromeskull) 

Sure, you can hold his hand. Of course Jesse doesn't have a problem with you holding his hand, especially in public. He actually likes to hold your hand in public, showing you off and keeping you close. He doesn't have a problem with it in the house or somewhere private either.

Finds it kinda sweet. He hasn't got a problem with it and he isn't going to deny you, because he just thinks it's sweet. He thinks it's cute. He doesn't find it burdensome at all because it's just you showing or seeking affection and there is nothing wrong with that.

Otis Driftwood

Hasn't got a problem holding your hand when you're out and about. Otis actually likes to hold your hand in public, both because he is possessive and protective. He likes to have you by his side, showing everyone else who you belong too. He also likes to know that you're right there beside him and not getting into any trouble.

Doesn't quite understand your desire for it around the house. Handholding serves a purpose when you're outside, not so much when you're at him, so Otis is a little curious about your desire for it so often. He's not going to stop you, especially if he's not doing anything.

Baby Firefly 

Will hold your hand whenever you like. Baby is pretty affectionate anyway so if you want to hold her hand, of course you can! She doesn't care where you are or who is around, she will hold your hand if you want. Why wouldn't she?!

Always holding your hand when you're out of the house. Whether or not you had a particular fondness for holding hands, she likes to hold your hand when you're outside of the house anyway. She likes to show you off and keep you close. Plus, it stops you both from getting separated.

Yautja (Predator)

Handholding is a little new. It's not an entirely new concept, you aren't blowing any alien minds here, but the increased human desire to do is is new. But he absolutely loves it. He loves holding your comparatively small hand in his own, engulfing it protectively and lovingly.

Will never release your hand. Seriously, if you don't pull your hand out of his, he will never let go of it. You wanted him to hold your hand, now he is going to do so like the good mate he is. It's sweet, really.