#but somehow idk if it's just me and my skill issue but i keep dying to them. i get steel eel jumpscared

[moe-broey]

Not your favorite! Not even your least favorite!

Like that could have been avoided. That should have been avoided. It's so easy to avoid that. And Yet

[the-minecraft-bat]

unhinged word vomit incoming read at your own risk

my "true" scarian interpretation at the moment is that they were never truly healthy but they weren't always toxic. grian is the issue haver and with or without meaning to he hurts scar a lot. they get together in 3rd life after dancing around each other for ages and there's problems in the relationship but they're generally going in a good direction. it's just that they're stuck in third life lol. the cactus ring fight traumatises them both, so after third life they break up without really talking about it and that's where everything gets worse. in last life they were not okay. double life grian is an abusive soulmate. cheating and putting down scar's skills and interests. i think that by secret life, they're doing better, but they still haven't had a real conversation. there's these lingering feelings of love and resentment. they were almost going to team up but i don't think they would've been ready. grian wanted to but he still acted like scar was somehow his last option, even though they work well together. grian constantly acts like scar is a liability and tries to protect him, even though scar is just as good a player as him. there's truth to it in 3rd life. i will give it to him that grian is the one who builds their base and the creeper farm and makes all their plans. scar even says it in his iconic line "for everything you did to keep me alive this long.." but the truth is more complicated. grian doesn't see the value in scar's social power. all he sees is scar dying and being on his red life and he instead of taking it seriously he's running around with a bee? why won't he listen to grian, grian knows how to keep them safe! ironically grian causes a lot of scar's deaths throughout the series, but it think the guilt about this only worsens this feeling of responsibility. this way of thinking is a pattern for grian. he refuses to change his perception of scar from here. which is why in double life he barely communicates with him and does not take anything scar does seriously. double life scarian is the direct result and worse version of third life scarian. this next thing is more fanon but i think they view what happened in third life differently. i imagine scar idealises it as this loving relationship against all odds whereas grian remembers it as a horror story where the man he loved kept dying. the truth is somewhere in the middle. they have these opposing views in different areas as well. scar loves being in love with grian. grian finds romance stressful and wishes he could get rid of these feelings (mentally he's drawing hearts around scar in pink glitter gellpen). i think it's canon that grian takes the life series and especially winning more seriously than scar. it's so interesting that scar won secret life though. grian's view of scar as this fool who needs his help to survive is proven untrue. if there's a next life series he can't constantly put scar down for being bad at surviving without clearly being wrong about it (though i imagine he could still find a way to talk himself into believing he's right). idk they're soooo interesting i hope they keep killing each other forever. i hope they talk it out and get married and divorced and married. above all i want scar to kill grian for once i think it would be cathartic

[lifesapartyyoureaboy]

My Thoughts on TDP Season 4

Nobody asked for my opinion but I’m giving it anyways. 

Dude, what was going on with Rayla this entire season? She comes back with zero explanation and acts so casual about the whole thing, even though she has to know how much it hurt Callum to see her leave. And then she says that she went after Viren for vengence (when in ttm and Dear Callum she makes it pretty clear that’s not her reasoning), ditches a dragon in need, ditches Soren, and FORGETS IBIS’ NAME? Like bro. It doesn’t help, also, that I’m pretty sure she came back the day that Viren does. As the season went on she started acting more like herself- and the coin scene was really cool to watch- but idk. I think I’m still kind of hoping that it’s revealed that this is a fake Rayla, and the real one will come back and issue a real apology to Callum and be hella awkward and nervous about being around him, bc her leaving for two years was played off a little too much for my liking. 

I’m also kind of upset that Callum didn’t get mad and yell at her, I was dying to see that happen. My boy deserves a moment to be completely honest about his feelings. And in a panel they did a while back there was some light alluding to what they called the “scary hand ice scene” or something like that, which really seemed like it was talking about Rayla having some kind of vulnerable moment, but that didn’t happen this season, so maybe it happens later or I fabricated that whole thing or they just didn’t actually do it. I still hope we get a scene like that at some point though, it’d be interesting to see if Rayla almost losing her hand in season one is still effecting her somehow, mentally or physically. 

At the end too- just one more thing about Rayla and then I’ll move on- when she sees Viren and wants to go after him, and Callum lets her go ALONE? That would have been the perfect opportunity for him to show her that they’re stronger together, since she keeps leaving him because she wants to keep him safe, but instead he just let her walk off. I just felt like that could have been a really interesting scene, but maybe they had their reasons for it. Idk, it felt weird to me. 

Loved Terry though. He seems like such a genuinely sweet person and I appreciated him sticking up for Rayla and calling Claudia out- which, by the way, the whole coin scene was awesome. I’m so glad that (potentially fake) Rayla got Runaan and her parents back. 

I also loved seeing more of Soren! We didn’t get a whole lot of Soren actually being a good guy and showing off his skills in the past few seasons, so I really enjoyed that spotlight on him this time around, he deserves it. I love Soren so much. 

Finally, I want to say that I’m glad Viren didn’t get a redemption arc. It was kind of hinted at for a second there, when he went on that speech about how he was always trying to be something he’s not and now wants to travel the world, and it felt really cheap and shallow to me, personally. After all the shit he did in the past three seasons, now suddenly he’s seeing the error in his ways? I get that death can be enlightening, but it was too quick of a change in him for my liking, so I’m glad they don’t seem to be going that route. 

So yeah, loved most of the season, just hoping they clear up and explain where Rayla’s been, why she came back, and wtf the key of Aaravos does and how Callum knows it’s the key of Aaravos, because that was kind of thrown in there and I feel like that should be elaborated upon. 

[kass-storycorner]

Mentally I’m getting worse again (tho I try to do all the stuff I learned from two years in therapy to … prevent it from getting bad bad ), so I’ve only been thinking about how some of the Genshin characters would comfort me? So here have this, whatever this is, that I wrote at 2am on a night before I have 11am shift at work. Using you in all of this but honestly this is 100% self indulgent. I just want someone to cuddle with. Pretty sure most of this isn’t really in character and every point is vastly different from the others but hey, it is what it is. As long as I’m in my current mindset my stuff won’t be any better than this

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst I guess idk man, comfort i hope

Content warnings: depression (?) I don’t go too much into detail, don’t want to write out those negative thoughts HA but you know you are just not in a good spot in these, absolutely inconsistent writing, every character has to deal with a different stage of feeling depressed and yeah

Characters: Diluc, Childe, Albedo, Yoimiya

Fun fact: my app crashed while writing this so thank the tumblr admins that you can restore posts you wrote after the app crashes one of the few good features of the app

Diluc:

Would definitely notice the first small changes in your behaviour, but wouldn’t think much of it in the beginning.

Maybe you are just tired? And even if not Diluc knows best that no one can always be chipper.

Still he doesn’t know how to act around you when you are sad / heading towards a depressive episode.

He would offer you his help, you just need to say what you need and he’ll give it to you.

Ah, but Diluc didn’t really consider at first that you would be too afraid to ask, even when he offered it to you.

One day he will directly ask you in the privates of your home if you are okay. At first you would try to brush it off, not wanting to be a burden on Diluc. You know how much he’s been through and that he also has his emotional scars… would be a bit selfish to dump it all onto him, wouldn’t it?

But oh, you’ve been dying to talk with someone about your feelings, craving a warm hug and words of comfort… so when Diluc doesn’t drop the topic you just let it all out.

He will take you in his arms and hug you, cuddle you, as long as you want. He’ll stroke your hair, quietly listening to your words, only small “mmmhs” and “it’s okay” leaving him, to reassure you that it’s fine for sharing it all.

When none of you talks all you can hear is his steady breath and oh, it’s so soothing.

Maybe you end up crying, while sharing all of it with him. All he does is to pull you closer into his chest, saying that it’s okay and tell you to let it all out.

Diluc hides his softer side from the people of Mondstadt, always hiding behind the more grumpy image some of him have, but he knows that it’s not good to run away from your own feelings. What you need to do is to feel them, do not try to push them aside because you are uncomfortable with them.

Generally he would be soft, kind and understanding. At first he might give you too much room, afraid he might be overstepping a boundary when he keeps pushing you in the beginning. Ends up in you isolating yourself / pulling away more, but once Diluc sees the pattern he will be more attentive to your needs and learn to differentiate between you needing space and you isolating.

Though please communicate with him better, he’s busy and if him having less time for you causes you distress you need to tell him, he might only notice it after the feelings festered.

Childe:

Oh boy - he hasn’t seen you in a while, Fatui duties you know, so when he knocks on your door one day he notices immediately that you are not in a good place.

This man - he cooks, he cleans, we all joke about him being the perfect husband but seriously. He sees the state of you, the state of your apartment and immediately helps.

Having spend the last week or two in a depressive state caused you to neglect your housework - the dirty dishes are everywhere and laundry keeps piling up. Not to talk about how you look.

Childe will make you a bath and while you’re in it he cleans. An immense help!!! Taking away a good chunk of thinks that made you feel just so overwhelmed and helpless.

The whole time he wouldn’t breach the topic of why it has come to that point, but now after you finished the bath and the apartment looks liveable again he asks you what’s wrong.

Honestly you don’t know yourself, you’ve been just lacking more and more energy to do the basic tasks and suddenly everything was a mess.

Will wipe away your tears and tell you “don’t cry, I’m here”, taking you in a hug.

When he’s around more, will he notice it when it slowly gets worse? Mmh, yeah!! He definitely notice when you are feeling more down, seeing how your interactions change and how your laughs become more forced.

In the beginning he will just try to make you feel all the “positive” feelings, not wanting you to feel any “negative” emotions at all

this man definitely represses his own trauma a lot and has a horrible way of coping with it so I doubt he would be the most emotionally intellectual person to help you through it

Though when you show that you don’t feel like showing your sadness aside and you just want someone to share it with / need some comfort he will adjust to your needs

Albedo:

Boy as impeccable observation skills, he will notice immediately when something is off.

However - he somehow struggles to understand your feelings. Like. At all.

When he asks you what’s wrong and you tell him that there is not a reason for your feelings, you just feel a bit depressed that’s all, he will not get it.

How do you feel a certain emotions without something causing it? There must be a reason for it.

And honestly he’s right there is always a reason for a certain feeling to arise, but sometimes they aren’t easy to understand for yourself or to spot, sometimes it’s just that your inner child needs a hug and it takes you three weeks and a metal breakdown to understand that this is all you needed… plus a good cry

He’s gonna be so awkward at trying to comfort you, making you feel better, at first. Trying everything out to cheer you up, he really doesn’t want you to feel bad. Asks around for advice what helps others when they are sad.

Honestly? The things he does, the small presents he gifts you - they are nice and make you feel loved, but it doesn’t make the bad feelings go away. Even worse it somehow builts up this immense pressure for you to get better quick because look! Albedo does nice things, he tries to help. He tries to figure it out. Why can’t you give him the results he hopes to get???

Only when someone (Timadeus for sure) finally tells Albedo that it’s not a special dish or flower or even place that helps with sad feelings - it’s that they remind them of something that’s comforting. Klee told him Dodoco helps when she’s sad, because Dodoco reminds her how much her mum loves her. So when people told him about certain foods or flowers - it was more because those were valuable for those individuals, doesn’t mean it has value to you. Most importantly is that he’s just there for you.

With that new bits of information he will try to adjust to your needs more, to learn what you need and to understand it.

He will be so upfront about it too, coming into your room and telling you that he’s been trying to make you feel better the past couple of weeks and noticing how your mood has not improved at all. Finally asks you what you need opposed to him only having asked why you feel that way

Will definitely make you cry with how he approaches the topic. When he apologises for making you cry you cry even harder at how soft he says it.

Albedo will remember what he was told, that it’s important to just be there for someone, so he will stay at your side, his hand on your back rubbing it while you are just sobbing.

After the tears have calmed down you can just be honest with him, tell him that you sometimes don’t know yourself what will make it better, that sometimes you just have to life with the feelings and accept them - but that his attempts really didn’t help.

He will apologise for putting more pressure on you, asking if you need a hug (something a lot of people have told him helps them but he was just to shy to actually try it out). After saying yes you both stay for a long time in the hug, the first thing in a long time to make you feel better.

Yoimiya:

My love, the light of my life, my future main - she would be SO good at helping you through an episode.

Notices the way you act towards her changes and immediately confronts you about it, afraid that something in the relationship is amiss until you tell her the truth that you are a bit depressed.

Canonically the one with the best communication skills, if you were to put her, Diluc and Kaeya in a room I’m 1000% sure those two would leave it as brothers again.

That said she can sometimes be a bit too overwhelming - she can talk a lot, but she’s a good listener too, but in her attempt to fix the issue she goes a bit overboard.

She’ll want you to talk it all out which isn’t a bad thing per se, but sometimes you just don’t feel like talking or that talking would help.

However the way Yoimiya is it will make you communicate with her more about how you feel and what you need - she kinda just seems to be more approachable and the kind of person you can pour my heart out to after meeting her on the toilets of a bar.

Will cuddle you as long as you need.

And honestly? 100% sure she would even make you a firework to cheer you up that you both watch from her favourite spot on a blanket while doing so (the cuddling!)

or you know maybe it’s just what I would really want to do with her when I’m depressed aka RIGHT NOW MAN

[alltheworldsinmyhead]

ON FEYSAND’S PLOTLINE IN ACOSF

              !!!!MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE ACOSF!!!!

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Let’s be honest for a while, okay?

ACOCF had potential to be SJM’s best book, if not for any other reason then because of the sheer idea of it. Coming-of-age, healing story of the most complex and polarizing character she has ever created set in the time of peace, away from the familiar setting (according to the later changed concept which still remains in the snippet at the end of ACOFAS), development of her arguably most feisty and angsty love story... It could be her absolute trumph. Even with the change to stick to Velaris instead of exploring the Illyrian culture of the Mountains and with the added conflict of the Mortal Queens and Koshei, it still could work quite well. 

It didn’t. For many, many reasons, but the most important one, in my opinion, being the feysand pregnancy plot. 

Nothing about this plotline made sense. Not a single thing. From start to finish, it was an absolute disaster from the character-writing POV, from the narration POV, from every single context of it. It broke the rules of real-life logic, it broke the rules of this fantasy world setting and it completely exposed that Rhysand, while not a bad guy, is a pretty terrible partner, even worse ruler and an absolutely terrible contender for the High King title. 

Let’s break this whole mess down (and expect this post to be mammoth-sized. it’s not my fault, though, write to SJM if you have any complains):

1) Feyre, 21, decides to get pregnant, even though less than a year earlier, she expresses the delight with not being forced to bear children to her new mate and told him herself she wants to wait a while and enjoy her life with him. Feyre decides she wants a baby though and Rhysand goes along with it, even though he is aware how young Feyre is and how hard her life has been up until this point. He wants a baby too much to have an honest discussion with Feyre about it, to stop and wonder what is the reason for her sudden change of heart, to reassure her that they have a lot of time ahead of them and don’t need to rush. No. She mades a sudden decision to have a baby after A YEAR OF MARRIAGE and not much more of being turned fae, JUST AFTER having her whole world put upside down, having received a completely new title and responsibilities, surviving the wat and being mated. Great. 

2) Feyre decides to get pregnant and Rhys goes along with it less than a year after the end of the bloody war. It is politically a delicate time, everyone is still not sure how the balance will shift, some countries don;t want to sign the peace treaty, etc. There are a lot of enemies and a lot of turmoil remaining. But sure. Let’s have a baby. Perfect time to add yet another target, another weakness that can be use by the Mortal Queens, Beron or whatever else with malicious intent towards the Night Court. 

2) Feyre gets pregnant after approximately a year of trying. I know healthy people of reproductive age for whom it takes ages more than this. Fae’s pregnancies are rare af and precious and happen once in a blue moon, but ofc SJM broke the world’s rules for her darling Feyre. And again, for Kallas and Vivianne who are also expecting the baby, even though it has been a maximum of 3 years since they’ve mated. 3 years is also not a particularly long time to try to have a baby for those who have issues with their reproductive systems like Fae women. Thank you, next. 

3) Rhys has unprotected sex with Feyre in her Illyrian form when she conceives, even though he knows full well having a winged baby would kill her. He does it anyway, for shits and giggles apparently. They probably have sex in the sky above Velaris, for all we know. 

4) The baby has wings. Now, the whole explanation with Illyrian wings being bony (bc they resemble bat wings) and Seraphin ones being more flexible (bc they resemble bird ones) is so insanely stupid that it takes around 3 seconds to wikipedia this shit and find out it’s exactly the opposite. But okay, the baby has wings and Feyre will die while giving birth, along with the baby. Madja forbids Feyre from turning into an Illyrian to carry the pregnancy because it MIGHT hurt the baby. Now, remember, Feyre conceived while in Illyrian form and then turned into High Fae. The baby survived it just fine. The baby MIGHT be hurt by Feyre turning .... but it will FOR SURE die if she stays High Fae and Feyre will too. Idk about you, but I would take the risk of MIGHT instead of FOR SURE. Especially when she is already in labour and dying. Cauldron or Nesta or idk who alters Feyre’s pelvis after the baby is cut out of her for no apparent reason but to allow feysand to make exactly the same mistakes later on. How convinient. And Nesta also alters her own pelvis bc god forbid she won’t be able give Cassian babies like the little useful mate she is now. She should’ve probably done it with Elain too, just in case she decides to fuck Az in the future, because fuck consequences and fuck the stakes in the story that make the readers actually CARE about characters bc they know the author may actually kill them and not save their life every fucking time.  

5) I don’t even want to comment on the fact Rhys hid the true danger of this pregnancy for Feyre and their family went along with it. It is absolutely disgusting. And Nesta telling her and that being condemned as the act of the ultimate cruelty which is a final straw to break her self-loathing back.... is abhorrent. It made my sick, actually, phisically sick. There is no justification for it. No at all. And the fact that they did not even consider abortion sends a message that I really don’t want to think too much about it. Feyre was 2 months along when they learned the baby is winged. 2 months. 8 weeks. It wasn’t a baby yet, let’s be honest. They could’ve at least discussed it. She - oh my god, I cannot believe SJM wrote it this way, I’m gonna be sick. 

6) For the entirety of Feyre’s pregnancy, they have no plan to really help her. Labour plan? Haven’t heard if it.  They have money and power and access to the healers of the whole land. And did not figure out how to stop her from bleeding out after a fucking C-section. THIS WORLD HAS MAGIC AND THEY COULDN’T STOP HER FROM BLEEDING OUT AFTER A FUCKING C-SECTION. Didn’t even ask Thesan, the High Lord of Healing, to be present. Cassian had guts hanging out of his stomach and survived. Az was fucking slashed apart in Hybern and survived. But yeah, Feyre was on a brink of death after a C-section. Great, Sarah. Keep it up. Let’s force the thought into young girls’ heads that labour is the most lethal thing ever, why not. 

7) Also, for the entirety of Feyre’s pregnancy, Rhys keeps quiet about this idiotic bargain. He, as far as we know, doesn’t make any plans for the moment when him and Feyre and possibly their baby are dead. If they died and baby survived.. who would take care of it? Does Rhys have a conversation with his family about it? NAH. Doesn’t write any sort of plan how to keep the Court going, doesn’t inform even the closest of his co-workers how they should proceed to act after he’s gone and his and Feyre’s power go to god-knows-who. Their deaths would mean a sure chaos for the weakend and fragile Prythian and the Night Court especially and yet nor Rhys nor Feyre make any sort of preparations for it. Rhys doesn’t tell his brothers or Mor or HIS SECOND IN COMMAND they will all soon have to somehow manage without him. He was about to just leave them to their own devices and told them in the last. possible. moment. 

And this man - this man is, according to Amren, the best candidate to handle the whole country? To unite it? This fool who makes idiotic bargains, who thinks first about his cock and his own selfish desires and considers his subjects and his responsibilities as a High Lord last and least important of all? Who has so much trust in his wife, in his High Lady, the mother of his son that he doesn’t tell her she will almost surely die on a birthing bed because it MAY UPSET HER? 

This plotline was the straw that broke my back. ACOTAR, at it’s heart has always been a ya fantasy with added ‘spice’ and I was willing to bend my critical-thinking skills in many cases and forget and forgive many smaller idiotic issues in this series. But this? It is not idiotic. It is massive and stupid to the point when it becomes insulting to the reader. It was a plot straight out of a bad fanfic, not something that should be in a published book written by someone who writes for a living. You could even argue that Twilight has handled this toxic trope better.  I have wasted my money on this book and thinking about it will always be painful for me. So yeah.

ACOSF could be great. Ended up quite pathetic. 

[pascalpanic]

Idk if your still looking for short requests, but I’ve really been in an Ezra mood lately and am basically dying to read more with him in it. Maybe something where he finds/meets you on a planet he’s on for one of his digs, or you get assigned to go on a dig with him? Maybe some smut because he’s been lonely and he usually works alone but having the reader so close to him frustrates the hell out of him?

(You totally don’t have to write this if you don’t wanna, but thank you for doing these! I love your writing!)

Twelve Hours To Pickup (Ezra x f!Reader)

Summary: You and Ezra have twelve hours before your shuttle picks you up. Twelve hours with nothing to do.

W/C: 2.3k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, oral (f receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kiddos), dom/sub elements but not really, lots of dirty talk, reader uses she/her pronouns and is afab. oh, also language ig. one or two spanks.

A/N: YEET this is my first ezra fic and it’s horny but here we go. We’ve been on a smut kick lately but I’m here for it! I was actually really anxious to both write and post this but here we are!

Ezra is a man of extreme amounts of willpower. He can do anything he sets his mind to. Hell, he was conscious while a teenage girl literally sawed his fucking infected arm off. When Ezra is determined, he is not to be fucked with.

That being said, being in such close proximity to you is driving him up the fucking wall.

It’s not like you’re even that close to him. You’re both wearing thick spacesuits, complete with filters and helmets to provide oxygen and keep dangerous air particles out. You’re not exactly doing the most romantic activity either: you’re harvesting aurelac. It’s a disgusting process, gooey shit covering your gloved arms. You’re both experienced prospectors, but it makes you gag every time you do it. Of course you had to be assigned to the biggest mouth in the fucking galaxy.

“What seems to be the matter, little bird?” Ezra coos, smirking. “Such an experienced woman should have no such issue with a minor impediment.”

You shoot him a glare. “Can you talk using smaller words? You sound like you ate a dictionary and you’re vomiting back up,” you snap as you wipe the gunk off your arm and start the process of removing the gem.

Ezra smiles this time. “My sincerest apologies, my gem. I simply verbalize in this manner out of habit.”

You roll your eyes and continue. “I’d hate to hear what you sound like in bed,” you shoot back.

He walks closer to you, abandoning the current rock he’s removing, surprisingly nimbly considering he only has one arm. “Is that so, little bird?”

You raise your eyebrows. “Stop calling me that and get back to your fucking work, Ezra. You still have one functioning hand, make the best of it.”

The man pouts at you, placing his hand over his heart. “My dear, you’ve wounded my wretched little heart with such a comment.”

“Could’ve said ouch and moved on. I’m not gonna kiss it better, even if I might like to,” you smirk at him, shooing him away with your hand.

The man’s face bears a salacious smirk. “What was that?” He asks.

“Wow, that was the shortest sentence I’ve ever heard you say.” You spray the gem with the liquid in the bottle. “Go do your part and maybe I’ll consider spending a little time with you later.”

Ezra bites his lower lip and stalks off back to his share.

-

You’re almost back at the pod. You’ve walked in silence this entire time, not daring to speak and feed the fire that’s burning between the two of you. When the pod is in sight, Ezra’s last reserve breaks, burns the wick and lights the dynamite. “Well, my dove? Has my share of the aurelac satisfied your standards?” He asks, walking next to you again.

You look over at the container. He harvested significantly more than you did, which further proves your knowledge that he’s fantastic at prospecting. It’s no surprise, you suppose, but it is intriguing. Your eyes travel from the case to his dusty brown eyes, staring back at you. You smirk, and tilt your head. “I’m not sure. Get out of that space suit first and we can see.”

He bites his lip to hold back from spouting off more words. It doesn’t work for long. “Oh, does my eloquence excite you, little bird?” He asks, walking side by side with you now.

“Don’t push it,” you laugh and climb into the pod. The two of you pass through the airlock and you finally strip your space suit off, leaving you in the jumpsuit beneath it.

Ezra does the same. One shoulder is knotted off just below where his arm was severed. His jumpsuit clings tight to his chest, which is muscular, from the sweat inside the suit. He examines you just the way you examine him.

The two of you deposit your aurelac in the corner before finding yourselves standing together. You look over at him. “When is our shuttle coming?”

He looks at the digital watch on his wrist, then back at you. “We have at least 12 hours,” he says, head tilted down but those big eyes looking up. At you.

You pretend to look off and consider something else. “We finished the harvest in record time. I wonder how we could pass the remaining hours,” you sigh, though you both know it’s teasing. You know exactly what you want.

“My dove,” Ezra breathes, a warm hand cupping your face. “I want you.”

Somehow, it’s even hotter when he doesn’t use those big words. “I want you too,” you sigh and your lips crash to his desperately. He pushes you against the wall.

It’s hot and sloppy and desperate. The man is a fantastic kisser, his lips moving perfectly in sync to yours. The pod has busted air conditioning, making it as hot as the surrounding planet, but neither of you care. There’s sweat dripping from your face and from is, and there’s a mutual understanding that that doesn’t matter now. You need each other, badly.

His tongue presses against the seam of your lips and you open your mouth, allowing him in. He groans at the sensation as you rock your hips into his, desperately grinding. He pulls away for a second, his brows scrunching together in the pleasure. “Little bird,” he exhales. “Do you have the implant?”

You nod. “You?”

“But of course. Where would you prefer to be ravished, my glorious being?” He asks, lips finding the skin of your neck and sucking a mark into the tender spot behind your ear.

You cry out and fall back against the wall. “Wherever. Anywhere. Please, Ezra.”

He smacks your ass, making you yelp out even though it only increases the wetness between your thighs. “Make a decision, my dove.”

You’re panting already, and he hasn’t even done anything. “Right here. Right now. Against the wall.”

He smirks at that, nipping into your skin. “Oh, so ruttish for me,” he groans. “Desperate for me to take you.”

“Yes,” you nod, giving into his domineering attitude. “Please, please,” you cry, and he bites the collar of your jumpsuit and unzips the front, pushing it from your shoulders. Your chest is now only covered by a sports bra. You help him remove it and toss it aside, leaving just your lower half covered.

Ezra groans and feels himself harden even further as he sees your chest. “Oh, those exquisite breasts,” he groans, sinking to his knees. He forces you to bend a little as his lips find your nipple, sucking and tugging on it with his teeth. You cry out at the feeling, hands pressed to the wall, and he chuckles. His hand finds your other nipple, rolling it between his fingers. He bites at the skin of your breast, leaving a mark.

He goes lower. His tongue traces your stomach, dipping into your navel. He bites at your stomach too. The man likes to bite, that much is clear. He’s been surprisingly quiet since he’s put his mouth on you.

Ezra shoves down the rest of your jumpsuit and your panties, helping you step out of them before he tosses them aside. His hand firmly grips your thigh, and he kisses up the inside of the soft skin. “May I?” He asks, right before he reaches the pinnacle.

“Please,” you breathe, and he tosses one of your legs over his shoulder.

He’s skilled. That much is easily seen- or, felt- when he instantly latches onto your clit, swirling his tongue around it and sucking on it. His hand comes to your entrance, teasing it slowly with the pad of a finger. You cry out at the feeling and he takes it as your invitation to push two thick fingers inside of you.

As you bite your lip, he looks up at you and smirks. His two fingers are inside of you, and he pulls his mouth away. “Little bird, restraint is the furthest from necessary. There’s not a soul to hear those sultry noises you’re making,” he reminds you before going back to lapping at your clit masterfully.

His fingers curl against that perfect spot deep inside of you, making you cry out in ecstasy. “Ezra,” you whimper.

He smirks and hums a happy sound into you, nudging your clit with his nose as he moves his tongue lower to poke at your entrance, along with his two fingers. He’s pushing them harder and harder, and you bury a hand in his hair, the heel of your hand over his blonde patch. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you warn him, and he just goes harder.

It’s all too much. You cry out his name and grip his hair as your orgasm washes over you, making your toes curl in the boots that remain on you.

He continues steadily through your orgasm, pulling away and sucking on his own fingers once you’re finished. “The nectar of the gods between your thighs,” he murmurs to you, a content smirk on his face. “Are you going to let me destroy you against this wall, my dear?”

You shudder, nodding. “Need your cock. I bet it’s big, isn’t it?” You ask, smirking down at him and running a hand through his hair, toying with his blonde patch.

He shrugs. “Now isn’t the time to play humble, Ezra,” you laugh, removing your leg from his shoulder and pulling him up to kiss him deeply. It’s hot and sloppy again, but slower. Deeper. You moan into his lips and cup his hardened dick, which tents against his jumpsuit.

“Little bird,” he shudders.

You break away and start to unzip his flight suit. You push it off his shoulder and it hangs at his waist, exposing strong a abdomen littered with scars. “Fuck,” you chuckle happily and kiss him again. You push it the rest of the way, along with his boxers, and it exposes his dick. It is large, you were correct, long and maddeningly thick. “Oh, fuck,” you moan again as he steps out of it.

Ezra grabs your hip and turns you around, pushing you into the wall again. His large hand takes both of your wrists and pins them to the wall. “Is that resplendent pussy prepared for me?” He asks, and you nod. “Say it,” he demands, biting your shoulder.

“Fuck! Yes, yes Ezra,” you nod, spreading your stance to allow him between your legs.

“Don’t move them,” he orders you as he lets go of your hands for a moment. With his hand, he lines himself up, notching the tip with your entrance before grabbing your wrists again. “I crave those maddening noises, little bird. Don’t you dare be quiet while I’m destroying that pretty pussy.”

With that, he pushes in. He’s thick, and the stretch is delicious. “Ezra,” you cry out, loving the way the name sounds when it rolls off your tongue. “Don’t hold back, please.”

“I couldn’t if I dreamed of it, dearest,” he groans as he fully sheathes himself deep within you. “So fuckin’ tight for me,” he shudders.

Your hands struggle against his, but his strength wins. “Don’t even think about it,” he orders, gritting his teeth as he pulls fully out then pushes all the way back in. It’s quick and rough as he gets started and it doesn’t slow down.

“Harder, please,” you urge him, pushing your ass back against him.

He nods. “Anything your heart desires, little bird,” he coos and licks a hot stripe up your neck, ending behind your ear where he nips at your earlobe.

You’re helpless to his ministrations as he pounds into you, and it feels like heaven. He lets go and your hands move in front of your face to support yourself against the wall.

You need it when a second later, his thick fingers are circling your clit. You cry out and he smirks. “Good girl, little birdie. Taking me so nicely.”

The words and the feeling is becoming too much. A hot haze fills your head as you approach your orgasm, accidentally squeezing around him.

He almost cums from the sensation. “Just when I thought that pussy couldn’t get any tighter,” he laughs breathlessly. “Let go, my dear. Squeeze me tight and tell me how good I make you feel.”

You nod frantically and moments later, you finally reach your peak, crying out his name and gushing around his dick. “Fuck, so good, so big,” you whine, your head falling back onto his shoulder.

The way you flutter around him is just too much. “Good girl,” he grunts, thrusting harder and harder and slightly more sporadically. “Gonna cum inside you, my good girl, show this pussy who it belongs to.”

“All yours, Ezra,” you whimper as the feeling fades, and you can tell that he’s close.

You clench hard and he falls apart, shooting his hot seed deep inside you. “Ah, little bird,” he cries out, his legs wobbling and nearly failing to hold him up as it takes him over.

When he’s finished, he groans as he pulls out. His cum drips from you and onto your flight suit, between your legs and on the floor. The sight makes Ezra shudder, and he smacks your ass one more time for good measure. “Good girl,” he mumbles and nips your neck one more time, walking off to the refresher of the pod.

“Just going to leave me here?” You ask, laughing breathlessly, slumped into the wall. Your legs are barely strong enough to walk.

He returns moments later with a damp rag. “Of course not. I must treat you well and praise you, after you took my cock so well.”

His words make you shudder again. He can feel it as he wipes the insides of your thighs. “Little bird, aroused again already? Need me again?”

“Maybe,” you chuckle and bite the inside of your cheek.

He groans and presses a soft kiss to the apex of your inner thigh. “Later. We do have twelve more hours, after all.”

-

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @luxurybeskar @binarydanvvers  @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867

[wovenstarlight]

rambling thoughts about hyj (canon vs ywbk)

yoojin is so so fascinating as a character to me... i think about him 24/7 he occupies every available inch of brainspace i have. like this man and his issues am i fucking right. so i’m going to talk a bit about how i see him working and how i chose to portray him in my time travel series

so canon hyj, right. he’s like. he’s such a funky narrator. he’s like if i occupy my mind with endless work i will avoid falling into the pit of depression and immense grief from all that i went through pre regression. but also what i went through pre regression wasn’t even that bad. but also everyone who hurt me back then is assholes. but anyway ignore all that because i have work to do.

and on top of that the way he interacts with people is very... i won’t say it’s utilitarian but he’s very focused on what he can do for people and what they can do for him. in a currently-unpublished but translated chapter, he says that (SPOILERS!) he’s asked his thoughts on shj, and he answers that sung hyunjae is a useful man, and yoojin has to be polite to him on the off chance he needs to rely on him in the future. a very “he’s useful” kind of answer. this despite the obvious chemistry he and shj have-- not even in a romance way (though i do like jinjae), they just? get along? they banter easily and they have similar senses of humour and even though sometimes hyj gets exasperated at his behaviour, he still chats with him in a friendly way all the same.

and yet he’s also like SHJ Is Useful And That’s It. I Don’t Like Him At All. and he saves him in his contacts as “skill” and generally acts like he’s completely uncaring. which, compared to how much love he has for hyh and then for byr, i understand- shj at the moment quite honestly does not rank up there at all compared to those two? but he does rank somewhere, i think, because then hyj gets annoyed and upset when shj doesn’t show up to help him, and past a “shit, i needed his specific skillset for this situation and now i’m not sure how to manage this”, he does react in a very... i’ve been let down by someone i had high hopes for, kind of way.

so basically he’s got this whole, i don’t care about people1, thing going on, but then he also very much does care. and hyj is a caring person! fuck, shj even says to hyh at one point that han yoojin-gun has a bad habit of letting people into his heart too easily. what that tells me is that hyj has like.... SEVERE trust issues. he won’t allow himself to care about people, to be aware of any feelings he holds towards people- he makes himself only think about the skills people offer him, about how he can use them. and even then, whenever possible, he does things himself and he avoids relying on others, sometimes because he “doesnt want to bother them [with adult matters]” (that one talk with yoohyun) and sometimes because he just doesn’t really trust them with whatever needs doing

1. as an aside i do think hyj’s moral sense is very funny because like. if anyone touches his fucking kids they’re as good as dead! he’ll kill them! he cares about no one but his kids and everyone else can die! [the world is in danger] ah, fuck, maybe he cares about people who aren’t his kids. he doesn’t want the world to die. but don’t BRING IT UP!!! JEEZ!!! HIS PRIDE!!!! but also if you get blacklisted for whatever reason then Die literally Die he will kill you himself. it’s a very funny, he’s a good person but oh, he’s also a little bit insane, actually. that sort of situation. i love him. go crazy go stupid, sweetie, you’re doing great.

WHICH IN CONTEXT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT PRE REGRESSION! like hyj was raised with the experience of his parents, the people in the world whose unconditional support he was meant to have, being tossed down the drain because he chose to take care of yoohyun. so he’s already like, yeah, i gotta rely on myself. he has that understanding that.... he’s gotta rely on himself first and foremost, rather than trusting people who are supposed to be taking care of him. not just caring for him, actually, caring for him and yoohyun, because then he basically has to dedicate his life to yoohyun growing up. he’s been acting as yoohyun’s primary guardian from age Baby. and age 17 to 22 was literally just him dropping everything he was doing for himself in favor of getting a job and making sure yoohyun stayed in school and was fine. yoojin himself dropped out of school so he must’ve lost his whole friend group and support system. and then post-dungeon shock, he gets thrown aside and pretty much discarded by yoohyun without so much as a goodbye from the kid, which-- wow! ouch! that shit must have hurted! talk about being fucking burned, jeez. and even after that, spending three years running after yoohyun, trying to “regain” his trust and love, yoojin would’ve seen his Unawakened self as ‘not good enough’ for s-rank yoohyun. and therein comes the “if it’s not useful it’s worthless” mindset. and then he Awakened as f-rank-- already a blow!-- and then on top of that he gets backstabbed by the dozens of people who were like “you’re an s-rank’s brother! go get Awakened, i’ll bet money on you Awakening to a good rank!” and then pulled out on him, leaving him with idk how much debt (this is all mentioned in early chapters somewhere, i’ll pull citations later). man, i’m not surprised he has trust issues.

so that’s already part of his difficulty trusting other people. but then it gets compounded when you think about it further because like, His Fucking Skills, Man. he has a whole skill focused around “if you make an emotional connection with someone and then they die, it’s useful to you.” holy fuck! no wonder he’s allergic to bringing people into battle alongside himself! no wonder he throws himself into dungeons solo just to get freebie skills that allow him to be some semblance of independently combat-ready! every time he makes a connection with people he’s wondering if one day he’ll get their dying memories! you ever wonder how many people he had on his list of “keyworded individuals” pre-reg? he’s stated that he used to be at the back of dungeon parties with a spear (the need for weapons with a longer reach because of his low defense, obviously) and so someone else always died before he did? how many teammates that he cared about has he watched die in front of himself, how many times has he gotten the dying memories of those teammates, how many times have the rest of his living teammates turned on him after finding out his ability and accused him of getting the dead person killed on purpose so that he could have their skills? like hyj brings it up when he’s first explaining last repayment, and hyj cares about people so easily that he’d never do it and yet he still thought of it. which means other people would undoubtedly think of it very easily. and they wouldn’t be as forgiving when there’s a body count right there.

just, last repayment basically took hyj’s (largely yoohyun-induced) fear of losing the people he cared about and slammed his head directly into a concrete wall. thanks for that, king. so now hyj forces himself to constantly asses people on a “what skills do they have? how useful are they to me?” basis if they try to get close to him, rather than allowing him to just go “friend :-) i care them“. and it makes him reluctant to get close to and rely on people, because again, Danger Lies Therein

and all of this also must have made him be used to... being unloved, i guess (from his perspective- yoohyun cared, even when he left, but yoojin didn’t know that until yoohyun died). because most if not all of the people who have cared about or pretended to care about him have later left him. he’s got abandonment issues up the wazoo. when people say they care about him (stw, shj) he reacts with distrust. when he reveals the slightest imperfection he’s convinced they‘ll leave him, regardless of how much kindness he’s shown them in the meantime-- remember when he told myeongwoo he’d lied about them being childhood friends? complete confusion that myeongwoo didn’t immediately renounce their friendship. (SPOILERS FOR UNPUBLISHED CHAPTERS!) and later, it happens again with yerim- he tells her that he wasn’t actually a friend of her parents, he just wanted to poach her for haeyeon-- and then wonders why she doesn’t react with betrayal, when what she says is “i’m glad! ahjussi was so kind to me, i was worried i’d bewitched him somehow. i’m glad he actually cares about me. it makes me happy you were so kind”. he expects to lose the people he cares about, if not by outside causes, then of their own volition.

though on the outside causes front, i suppose it does help that like, all the people he’s growing close to now are hypercompetent high-rankers and therefore less likely to get themselves hurt. versus last timeline’s f-rank and e-rank friends, who’d probably routinely get killed, rip. but then there lies the possibility of yoojin thinking “if i pull them into danger then they’re in that much more danger” (see: Literally The Whole Reason Pre-reg Yoohyun Died. he went to help hyj and got in over his head trying to defend hyj and keep hyung alive, when he should’ve been able to defend himself with ease. hyj and diarma both acknowledge this.) which, again, plays into the reason he tries to avoid relying on other people.

tl;dr hyj’s interpersonal relationships are fucked!

but anyways moving on to talk about my fic versions of canon yoojin (hyj): han hyunjae (hhj) and han yoojin jr. (hyj jr). and how i’ve given them both problems disorders based on hyj’s issues

so like right off the bat we have hhj’s major issue, repeatedly brought up in-fic-- his issue with relying on people. let me pull a quote about this from the author notes of ywbk chapter 11:

some of you might be wondering why the yoojins are so [pretends to be okay and centers self on taking care of others], particularly [hhj]. my thinking for that part was mostly... in canon we see yoojin surrounded by people he knows are competent and capable, almost all of them adults. even when he's "raising" them, he has some degree of confidence in their ability to watch out for themselves. plus he's had time to grow out of being the only one in charge of the family; he's seen his brother come into his own and he's pulled back from his caretaking role

but here, [hhj]'s been directly thrust into raising two kids (and yeah even if [hyj jr]'s 18 he's still very much a child). not only that, but his knowledge of the future makes him (in his eyes) more knowledgable than just about all the folks around him, even the adults. mostly, he doesn't want to drop all his baggage on them when he knows they won't be able to relate (and in some cases, he doesn't want them to live with that knowledge). so he kind of distanced himself from everyone and pushed himself further into the caretaking thing as a way of coping, without realizing that's what he was doing.

we have hhj who, as hyj’s au twin, has the same trust issues and forced utilitarian attitude rising from pre-reg experiences. and then we dropped him into a situation where that “prioritize work and handle all issues myself” attitude is-- i don’t want to say rewarded, exactly, but it’s definitely useful for him in the timeline he’s in. he’s the oldest han brother, so handling issues naturally falls to him anyway as the head of the family; with both boys in school, he’s the breadwinner of the family, so prioritizing work is good! he becomes a super-efficient worker and it satisfies the needs of everyone around him!

unfortunately yoojin is a caring person, so hyj jr realizes that hhj is very much overreaching when he’s not even begun to address the effects of the Very Obvious In A Non-Dungeon World pre-reg trauma. so he’s like. hyung. what the FUCK, dude. take it easy and rely on people once in a while.

and physically, sure, hhj can rely on them. he can get yoohyun to do chores, he can get junior to take on a part time job so funds aren’t a constant worry. he gets better at trusting them to manage regular life stuff, honestly! he’s pretty good about that sort of thing now!

but then it comes to emotional needs, and like, hyj jr is a kid? and hyh is a kid? so any trust hhj builds there is going to be a little one-sided, since he can’t dump all his emotional worries on children. whatever yoojin is, he is a good caretaker who addresses his kids’ needs, and the kids do not need to be hhj’s therapists.

and hhj doesn’t really have friends his own age, and even when he does (hello jiyeon and hamin and orv gang), none of them can quite- Get it, because there’s not really an easy way to explain “i have deep-seated trauma about my family leaving me and about the people around me dying brutally” without, uh, (a) a LOT of trusting them to take you seriously and not snitch (b) explaining some Context about his youth and also the dungeons. (like yeah he could say “i’m scared everyone i care about will die on me in horrifying ways, particularly if they try to get close to me”, but that’s an irrational fear (because why would everyone die horrifyingly, why would getting close to hhj be a death sentence)-- unless you know that “everyone i care about” consists of Hunters and getting close to hhj involves getting involved with dungeons, and then his fear is very real and very understandable, even without knowing about pre-reg. there’s a reason why, even though hhj had four years to grow close to jiyeon, it still took the dungeon shock occurring for him to finally tell her even the smallest bit about pre-regression.

(from jiyeon’s perspective, she doesn’t notice much amiss, because the things hhj is keeping from her are mostly pre-reg related. he doesn’t mind talking to her about his current life, though he is reluctant to talk about some personal issues with her. hamin is a little more distant, because he is still hhj’s boss, so hhj tries to stay mostly cordial with him. orv gang is a more casual relationship- not really the type where he can dump his personal issues on them; and anyway, they’re a tight-knit friend group themselves, so hhj feels a little more on the fringes, not excluded but not fully included, either. a little like hsy does, but without the whole “i have to play the bad guy of the team” mindset.)

and this distance he creates without anyone realizing, this inability of his to fully trust them with all the details of his life, is what results in the freakout around the dungeon shock. the whole, You Are Actively Dying, if you don’t explain yourself right now i’ll finish the job. (though i don’t blame him for not trusting them with his trauma! i don’t really think he’s ready to talk about it. especially with people who don’t yet have any context for even the start of the story. hopefully this’ll change post-dungeon shock, though.)

unfortunately even with his newfound ability to talk about things more freely, he’s still in a sticky situation-- over the years, he’s developed his ability to rely on people for non-life-and-death situations like “earn money on the side”. but sending his brother to take out the trash is very very different from sending his brother to fight dungeons and other Hunters without backup. is very different from needing to risk a life and choosing his brother’s. so despite his hard-won Relying On Others abilities, they don’t extend to dungeon world situations.

and what does this mean, practically? it means, like canon hyj, hhj is going to persistently overreach himself in trying to fight alone-- he’ll try to be competent, to take on adversaries, to build strength in every possible avenue so that he can keep yoohyun and hyj jr and the rest of his family out of danger. he’ll try to be a one-man army, just to defend the people he cares about.

(ONE DAY. one day he will learn that it may not be safe to care, he may still be hurt, but that doesn’t mean he should cut himself off in advance. he’s still allowed to care. he’s still allowed to be cared about. oh, hhj. i want to beat him up but more than that i want to hug him.)

and then there’s hyj jr. oh, junior, you’re a delight. i love the concept of a yoojin who’s never had the trauma of being left behind by yoohyun, who’s gotten to flourish and become everything he has the potential to be, fighting at yoohyun’s side and being amazing. it’s too bad the method i chose to achieve this through also left our prodigal son with extreme issues.

(FAIR WARNING: THIS PART WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR LATER PARTS OF YWBK VIS A VIS SOME CHARACTER DECISIONS AND ACHIEVEMENTS. mostly since hyj’s time to shine hasn’t come through quite yet, so we don’t have as much of him)

so our boy junior may not have the various traumas induced by pre-regression, but he does start off with the same parental neglect that makes him hesitant to rely on seniors. and when his parents die, it’s about a week or so before hhj shows up, which junior spends realizing that he’s really going to have to give up his life and completely dedicate himself to guardianship, huh? and then hhj appears, and rips that role out from under him-- not just the “head of the family” role, even the “primary guardian of yoohyun” role. because yoohyun trusts him instinctively, and looks to him with just as much respect as hyj jr. junior becomes desperate to regain that role he’s lived all his life, in whatever form he can, resulting in the chapter 11 blowup. and past me already covered this:

as for junior, he's suddenly gained a new brother out of nowhere who is demonstrably bad at taking care of himself; on top of that, the "head of house + reliable caretaker" role junior's played almost all his life has been stolen out from under his nose without his realizing, and he's not really been able to adjust to suddenly being made to depend on yoojin (and, to a degree, jiyeon). yeah it helps a bit that yoojin's his elder self but even so. so he's attempting to re-assert himself in the role he's familiar with, particularly now that he's due to [go to mandatory service and] not see any of these people for months

he’s trying to figure out where he fits in this new family setup, trying to figure out what he can do for his family. and he would’ve started out on a track similar to hhj, trying to be everything for his family, except then the dungeons start appearing.

and what does hhj reveal? that hyj jr is destined to be an f-rank. that most of the useful skills hhj has, the hard-won power that he has, it’s all earned from other places that hyj jr won’t be able to replicate, most likely. and hyh-- hyh is going to be the pride of the family, as always. s-rank, top of the nation, worldwide hero, peerless and amazing.

hyj jr starts feeling like he’s falling behind. he starts feeling a lot of pressure to keep up. as the dungeon shock hits, he decides he’s going to keep up, one way or another.

and then there’s the aftermath of the shock, and all hyj jr can do is- is sit in the hospital room and wait for hhj to be okay. there’s monsters on the streets, yoohyun is out there killing them and making a difference, and all hyj jr is doing is sitting around. all he can do is offer yoohyun emotional support when he gets back, all he can do is keep jiyeon sane when she calls for daily checkins, all he can do is wait for the nurses to check that hhj is still alive. all he can do is support the people around him without actually acting out himself.

all that determination he had during the shock doesn’t get killed by the realization that he can’t actually do much, with his strengths; by the realization that he can’t be a one-man army like hyung is, sometimes. he decides, instead, that he’s got his handful of things he can do, so obviously the only path left is to do them perfectly.

he throws himself into learning to fight; he throws himself into playing support whenever possible (though allowances are made for being bratty, sometimes, the remaining anxiety from the aftermath of the shock leading to him acting out); he throws himself into working for haeyeon, to the point of becoming the deputy guild leader. he throws himself into perfection so hard that he takes the slightest failure to meet his sky-high expectations hard. (”Why can’t i fight high-ranks without being afraid like hyung can,” says local E-rank without his hyung’s L-rank Fear Resistance) because he only needs to be good at these few things, he can’t do anything other than these few things, so why can’t he at least do this perfect, y’know? why can’t he keep up with his family? why is he never good enough?

(what if he gets left behind again for not being good the way they want him to be? he’d only wanted to take care of yoohyun, and look where that got them.)

so basically, hyj jr winds up with the same Need To Be Enough that hhj has-- but where hhj needs to be able to do Everything, hyj jr needs to be able to do Perfectly at his (self-assigned) Roles. where hhj wants to do whatever he decides needs doing, hyj jr has no illusions about his abilities; he knows he can only be the supportive brother, the hard-working guild leader, the caring friend, the perfect whatever. everything else is something he won’t dare to try for, because he Knows he’ll never be enough. and if he ever fails even slightly at the things he can do, it’s an instant game over, anyway.

congrats, junior, you’ve given yourself clinical anxiety!

but yeah, that’s. yoojins.

[hyperfics-ation]

(6 Underground fic. idk what to call it. shameless oc insert.) *Police brutality mention*

Films: 6 Underground 2019

Word Count: 1,752

Pairing: billy!four/oc

Description: You were Arianna's first friend in New York City which is why One helped you fake your death when you get into trouble. It's never stated in the story but that's why.

Without anywhere to go, he gives you a home at the base while he assembles his team. Eventually you meet Four and he makes "dying" worth while. 

When One cut all ties to his old life it was because he had a mission. A purpose to fulfill. Same goes for the rest of the team. Each member was handpicked.

Except for you.

You were never part of the plan so you didn't get a number.

Obviously this made introductions a little complicated when One introduced you to Two.

The CIA spook, already dubious about One and his motivations, raised one eyebrow and sized you up quickly.

You smiled awkwardly, sensing that a formal handshake was out of the question. "Just call me Zero," you joked halfheartedly, trying not to fidget under Two's critical gaze.

Just as you broke out in a nervous sweat, Two finally looked away and motioned for One to follow her out of the trailer. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she wanted to discuss privately.

Did One seriously believe it was a good idea to involve a civilian on what was most likely going to turn out to be a suicide mission?

What did a nobody like you really bring to the table, skill-wise?

You didn't have a good answer to either of those questions and honestly neither did One.

Anyway, faking your death had been an experience™ and the adjustment period after had been hard. One hadn't been the most sympathetic. Not outwardly. After all, you were never a part of his grand plan. You were the wrench that got thrown in the plan. You felt kinda bad about that sometimes. 

···

When One was ready to go recruit Two, he thought it best you stay behind. 

"Sure. I'll be fine," you reassured him with a soft smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. 

The expression on his face made it very clear that he did not believe you. But he said nothing, already behind schedule. 

You woke up the next morning bracing yourself to face the next couple of weeks on your own. Except you weren't alone. A big ass dog sat patiently at your bedside, tongue wagging and panting softly with a note tied to his collar. 

Take care of the dog while I'm gone. P.S. Don't let him eat my stuff.  -One. 

You named the dog Wally. 

···

Three's arrival was really something. 

He was the complete opposite of Two. His easy going nature actually reminded you a lot of One. They were alike in a lot of ways, but maybe that's why they did not get along very well. Honestly, you could only stand the both of them in the same room for so long. 

But he was nice. And he talked to you. Your conversations weren't anything particularly deep. One's rules forbid any of you from revealing personal details about your old lives. Mostly you discussed movies and TV shows. 

Regardless, you lived for those benign conversations. They provided a brief intermission to the insane turn your life had taken. 

···

One could tell you were struggling. 

Wally the dog was only so much company.

You were adrift with nowhere to go, no one to turn to. 

Your old life was gone and the only people left in your life was One, Two, and Three. They all had their own issues and it wasn't like you had any shared life experience with the older adults. 

So maybe One had an ulterior motive when he recruited Four. 

The first day the Skywalker showed up with his still healing bruises and luminous blue eyes, you laughed until your face turned red. 

"Skywalker? We're not seriously going to call him that are we?" you wheezed in One's direction, swiping tears from the corner of your eye.

One opened his mouth, the perfect retort poised on his tongue before you swiftly cut him off. 

"Is he a fucking Jedi? Are you are Jedi?" 

Your raucous laughter had faded into barely stifled giggles as you looked at Four. 

He sighed. "Are you done? I need a drink." 

He brushed past you as you were still reeling from the spine tingling deep tenor of his voice paired with that accent. Now your face was flushed for a different reason. 

"Hey, be easy on him. He just watched his own funeral, which was somehow more depressing than a normal funeral should be," One told you, making you feel like a dick. 

···

Five was a godsend. Though, if One ever heard you admit it, you were sure his ego would explode at being compared with a god. 

You were just happy to be around the closest thing to a civilian. 

“You like him, don’t you? Number Four?” she asked you with a knowing grin. 

Almost immediately your face went red. “I don’t know what you mean. Who? Me?” 

Wow. Real subtle, you thought, cringing. 

Yeah, you weren’t fooling anyone, especially Five. You wondered if any of the other ghosts knew about your crush on Four. 

They did. But no one said anything. 

···

Six figured it out within hours of meeting you and proceeded to tease you relentlessly. 

So much for millennial solidarity.  

The longer he was around, though, he  became like an older brother to you. You couldn’t imagine what life would be like without him.

···

With One’s team of ghosts finally assembled, Two insisted on a mandatory training exercise to assess how well everyone worked together. You had no fucking idea why she wanted you to attend this exercise. One had already made it very clear that you were not part of the mission. But you suspected she was actually trying to do you a favor. 

The self defense pointers were useful, you supposed. Being paired with Four was… embarrassing and definitely Two’s idea of a joke. 

On the other hand, you were finally seeing a different side of Four. A more arrogant, carefree side that made you laugh not to mention pine a hundred times harder than you were before. 

Just when you were starting to have fun throwing Four around on a mat, Two steered you towards a makeshift gun range.

It had been a while since you held a gun and considering what happened the last time you did…

Needless to say you were pretty shaky afterwards, teetering on the verge of spiralling into a flashback and Four couldn’t help but notice. 

···

Later, when you were hunkered down in One’s office mindlessly rewatching Leave It To Beaver episodes Four surprised you by joining you. 

He didn’t say anything for a while, content to just sit and watch the little TV as you tried to ignore him. 

"So how did you get pulled into all this, really?" he spoke up, finally as the credits started rolling. 

You took your time answering. That was the billion dollar question that One had repeatedly forbid any of them from answering. Except, you wanted to tell someone if only to justify being a ghost. If you could get anyone on the team to believe that someone as unremarkable as you wouldn't be here if you had a choice. 

You steadfastly avoided looking into his curious green eyes. 

"I grew up in a small town. I was fairly popular in school. Got good grades. I was accepted into a good University in a big city..." 

Oh boy, you were veering into monologue territory and you could feel the old wounds tearing open. 

"There was… this cop. At a protest. He assaulted me and it was... bad. I woke up in the hospital with this guy telling me to keep my mouth shut. He… he threatened me. For weeks. Him and his buddies. Painted me as a criminal even though I didn’t fucking do anything wrong.  Finally I just said 'fuck it' and made a whole video about what this asshole did to me. Which turned out to be a mistake. Shocker, I know. He cornered me the next day and he was drunk-" 

You bit your lip hard, desperately fighting back tears. Four’s gaze burned where you could feel it on your face. God, what was he thinking right now? You wanted to know. He had been silent so far, listening intently as you told him about the worst moment of your life.

“Fucking pigs,” he muttered under his breath, his lip curling in disgust. 

Swallowing the lump of emotion building in your throat, you continued, "I defended myself. And that's how One found me. Over this cop's dead body. I was going to go to jail because who would ever believe I killed a cop in self defense? So, One helped me fake my death and gave me a second chance. To this day, I still have no idea why he was there when I needed him the most. It wasn't even to recruit me. He just helped me because he could. The whole Turgistan thing came later."  

At last, you glanced at Four from the corner of your eye to see his reaction. 

His brows were knitted together and he had a serious expression on his face you weren’t accustomed to seeing him sport before. 

“I’m glad One was there to help you or I might not have ever met you.” 

This boy was too good to be true. 

“I'd like to get to know you better, if that’s alright.” 

You were quietly crying at this point, but you nodded, smiling through the tears. “I’d like that.” 

Read Part II here

[katsukisass]

PAIRING: Aizawa x Female!Pro-Hero!Reader

WORD COUNT:  It’s gonna be 5 parts, but this first one has 1,435 words.

WARNING(S): Lots of swearing. Body-image issues; self-esteem issues; canon-like violence; angst? idk. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE: So, idk what possessed me to write this and then make it 5 parts. Oh god, please help me. I hope y’all like, it’s my first BNHA imagine and Aizawa is a fave, so. This is UNBETADED AND I’M NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER, please tell me if you find any errors and I’ll correct them right away! <3 

RESUME:  You never thought of yourself as particularly beautiful. But then a certain Pro-hero keeps telling you are and, at a certain point, you just can’t convince yourself he’s lying. [This is part one, for part two go here.]

i.                    half-dead, battered and bloody.

You never thought of yourself as particularly beautiful. There were things you found nice about yourself, sure; but the overall sum of those things didn't exactly add to make you anything more than slightly cute and you were okay with it. Being cute wasn't in your plans anyway, having always wanted to be an hero.

It didn't helped that when you were on high school, being strong equaled to not being very feminine and you just went with it. You had to be strong and somehow the overall consensus was that girls weren't that. Long hair gets in the way. Heels aren't for running. How could you worry about looks while on a mission? The tutors at school drilled it inside you, and time and time again you found yourself being trap between the expectations everyone seemed to have about you being a girl and the requirements of being a hero.

That wasn't to say girls didn't fight back.  You saw girls being defiant, careful with their image, mindful of their looks, using them, even, and you decided that you didn't have to worry about it like they did, for you weren't even that pretty to begin with. So, you worked you ass off to improve your quirk, watched as your body grew stronger and decided that it wasn’t pretty, feeling as if at the time it were an question with only one right answer.

It had always been though being a girl. On class or at home, the thing you most encountered was discouragement. Being a hero was dangerous and it wasn't for girls. Being a hero was dangerous and you would never find a good husband like that. Being a hero required a set of skills girls just didn't had. Being a hero would ruin your love life, your significant other would never understand you. And that's not to mention the screeches of your Mother once and time again asking you who would take care of her grandsons if you were out at all times of the day being a self-centered mind-less hero. 

You passed way above it. So, It were a complete mindfuck when someone you admired so much like Eraser Head looks you dead in the eye, in the middle of the aftermath of a gruesome fight where you were both completely worn out, and tells you you're beautiful. There's heat flowing on waves to your face as your legs give out under you because you're exhausted - and also, on a smaller note, because you never saw that coming and dumbstruck don't quite cover everything you felt. 

"Did you get knocked on the head while I wasn't looking?" 

His head motions no, and you think maybe every other muscle of his body already gave out, cause he's splayed on the dirty concrete floor sited up only because of the huge block of debris behind him. His eyes bore holes in you, a meaningful stare that made the hairs of your neck stand out.

"Then you must be crazy by exertion." 

Like he thinks that can help, Eraser says the profanity again and you swear to god that prankster would find your fists If you had any strength in you. So you just flips him off and scoots back on your hands, trying to rest a bit before the first responders show up and you have to help with the rescue in the aftermath. 

Like something slowly emerging of a fog, you notice how your head hurts and so does your shoulders and arms and damn your side too. When one of your hands fly to your head and comes back bloody, you sigh audible. Apparently, you would be in the other end of the rescue party this time. You honestly hadn't felt nothing while the fight was going on, so the adrenaline high was coming down fast. You wonder if you lost too much blood. One look down at your ruined hero outfit and you notice the blood also gushing down from your right side. Damn. It looked worse than it was and you knew it. There was scrapes all over your shoulders, right arm and side, but the blood flow was somewhat manageable until the paramedics came. You look to the direction of a sound on your left and Eraser is pushing himself in your direction, walking every bit as a train-wreak as he looks.

"What the fu- Just lay down, Eraser, help's coming." While it was meant to be a bit more steady and definitely more stern, the fact that your voice comes in a rough breath and a cough probably ruins it.

"You're bleeding." He states the obvious and you send him a look every bit as unsurprised as you felt.

"So are you." You nod to his left leg, forearms and palms, though only the leg was a true problem. It bleed profusely while he limped and you wondered if it were a exposed fracture. There were a small trail of blood flowing from a forehead bruise too and you were sure the man had a concussion; it would explain everything perfectly.

"You're bleeding too much." 

"is' just a scrap."

"I don’t wanna see it when it's a big deal to you then." It takes some more time than normally would, but he's kneeling on your side and accessing your injuries. 

"Relax, I'll live." You wanted to lift your hand dismissively, but it just stayed on the ground, waving at nothing.

"Can you use your quirk to stop the blood flow?" He asks, looking around your wound, tearing your clothes to have a better look at it.

"You drag yourself all the way here just to tell me what to do?" You say watching him through half-lidded eyes, a smile finding it’s way to your lips.

One stern look from him and you're tiredly giggling. But there's no fucking strength in you even to just keep your blood inside and you show him that by trying and being unable to form a barrier for even a second. 

"'k, this' gonna hurt." That's the only heads up he gives you before putting both his palms, covered with his capture weapon, on top of your wound and pressing hard.

"What-FUCK!" You bite your tongue and taste blood. You're pretty sure you passed out for a second, because the force of his hands trying to make enough pressure on your wound that the blood flow diminish makes pain the only thing you can feel for a solid minute. When the adrenaline kicks in, you feel light-headed and you have to fight the desire to wack him on the head. But he's right, so you just resign to bite down on nothing and endure the pain with clenched teeth.

Then, like a concussed fucker, he just straights up does the crazy thing again. "You're beautiful."

"Oh fuck, you're crazy." It lefts your lips with all the breath you've been holding in, your face scrunching up in pain. "Gonna tell 'em to look your brain up." Another deep breath and all you feel is pain flashing though all your body. "Definitely cracked that hard head of yours." 

"'m fine." He mutters, carefully looking over your wounds like he could magically cure it by willing it better. The hell?

"Says the one claiming I'm beautiful when I'm almost dying, battered and bloody."

"You needed to know." He deadpans like it makes complete sense, and those words would explain his reasoning perfectly. Your side eye is nasty and he smirks at you like the fucking prankster he is.

"Oh, fuck you." You mutter and your arms start giving out, so you slowly lean yourself back until you're lying down in the concrete floor. Eraser keeps his hands on your wound, pressing while you move, his eyes scanning your body like he's ensuring that he isn't missing another major injury.

"They're here!" Someone screams and you breathe relieved that this weird shit is close to an end. You were okay with the bruising and hurting but damn, the bizarre beautiful thing going on was getting on your nerves. You couldn't even pass out in peace to avoid the weirdness and were getting real pissed at how creepily tender Eraser was looking you. Damn. Fucking. Weird.

Like the only thing keeping you still conscious was making him company, black spots appeared ahead of your eyes and your efforts to make them disappear were fruitless. When your eyes just feel too heavy to reopen, you let yourself be engulfed by darkness, the cadence of Eraser mumbling you were gonna be okay a lullaby in your ears.

[Prev. | Next]

[pawnshopsouls]

//Wow I’m feeling really down in the mouth today/tonight. Like really down in the mouth. So um, I’m going to put down some thoughts that have been really bothering me so that maybe I can lift some of this melancholy and get some decent sleep.

//Ok, so um, first are some things which are a bit more personal.

//So on the advice of a friend, I’m going to give you guys a heads up on what’s going on with me and why I haven’t completed any of of the commissions still in my commissions folder, done anything much outside of pencil doodles, and been generally inactive except for MAYBE some rp stuff on @pawnshopsouls​ if I’m having a good day.

//Basically, pain, finances,  stress, and what’s been feeling like crippling depression.

//I have each one of my commissions in my commissions folder but have been unable to focus on them due to:

being in quarantine bc of bedbugs the last couple months (which is like, 90% isolation with the other 10% being trips to the store or parks with the kids bc we can’t interact with friends in our church ward without a house-hold inspection to make sure we don’t spread bedbugs),

having to share 1 graphics tablet with 2 sisters (bc the other two broke) thus limiting my access to my usual digital art mediums,

dealing with a resurgence of my RSI,

trying to convince myself that no, what I do and have done on this blog ISN’T a waste of time, that my work IS worth paying for, that I’m NOT cheating people just because it takes me longer to finish pieces due to said circumstances above, and that I am worth something even though I’m not as fast or as skilled as many others around me,

and dealing with the loss of our internet due to how expensive it was getting and are now using our phone data to make hotspots which means gappy wifi & digital isolation on top of rl isolation.

//With this in mind, I’m pretty sure I’m actually in a load of emotional distress that I’ve been suppressing or disregarding in favor of attempted productivity. I think right now it’s to the point where I often don’t recognize or take heed of this distress until it’s extreme enough that I can’t physically function because it’s so paralyzingly powerful. ( I often try to nap it off, which usually works but only for a few hours).

//This is also probably why I’ve been so hyper focused on Salem and Bonely - specifically drawing those two since doing so is comfort for me. I also feel guilt at feeling not-so-good even though I’m not in as bad a situation as many others.

//Suffice it to say, I’m in a lot of pain (physical due to my aggravated RSI + mental/emotional due to everything else) and am still trying to figure a way to fix it that doesn’t include more personal isolation.

//Now to the less personal issues - I’m not sure what to do with/how to handle the toon bros and how to interact with other toon characters. Despite asks and prompts being key to developing character relations, I’ve never been good at sending random asks that weren’t part of an ask/rp prompt (god bless those things). Anything I come up with end up like small-talk and honestly, anything small-talk related is a STEEP shortcoming of mine. I can’t small-talk and I struggle with talking to others unless I have something I think is significant or somehow relevant to a post, rp or previous conversation.

//Because of this, I’m not sure now how to approach other toon ocs rn - especially with the Cuphead hype dying down & toon ocs becoming their own things, thus removing the common relevant factor between our characters:  Cuphead’s Inkwell Isle. The biggest reason this is a problem for me is that unlike Canon!bros who can end up anywhere any time thanks to Bonly’s Jumper’s Gyro, the Toon!bros don’t have that luxury and their setting isn’t static.

//So I guess it’s a matter of, “Do I keep them in Inkwell? Or do I move them back to Limbo Town in Soulstice? or will it matter since those settings won’t mesh anyways with the ocs I want to reach out to?” Idk guys, i’m really struggling here. Though the option of making Sal’s cemetery (bc he’s still a grave digger guys. It’s the base for his whole character design here) and Bonely’s loan office locations nebulous/unstated is very tempting since it would mean the office could legit be anywhere and available to anyone.

//I’m still debating on what I should do so if any of you have any thoughts on that, I’d appreciate them.

//anyway, thanks for reading this far and sorry if I got you down with this.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: Now on the coach Ali: How's Ro been? Ali: Tried to give her as much space as poss Tommy: I'll give it a minute before I let ma know, yeah? Give you some space too like Tommy: Proper shut down. Standard Tommy: She ain't said a word to none of us Ali: Cheers Ali: Been a fucking event, don't think even Ma can top the drama but not dying to find out Ali: I thought as much 😟 Ali: I don't think there's much to be done but be there when she's ready though, right? Ali: idk, plenty of friends cried on these shoulders but never Ro over this, its new ground Tommy: You're alright Tommy: I reckoned as much when she flew home Tommy: Like I've been in with tea but I'm blatantly juggling cups and nothing else Tommy: She ain't about my efforts Tommy: Offered to dance battle him and she didn't even laugh Ali: Tah for being tea boy though, more necessary and appreciated than it might seem when she's catatonic Ali: to be fair, that isn't funny, babe 😜 Tommy: Giving it a go Tommy: x 2 like Tommy: oi I'm well funny Ali: 💚 Ali: hmm Ali: i hope that's not your aim w this theatre school lark Ali: standup you ain't Tommy: Laugh it up or you ain't getting your welcome home cupcakes honey Tommy: 🌟 baker I am Ali: tears of a clown baby bro Ali: 'cos bet mary berry herself didn't whip up anything for your arrival only days previous Ali: that's da Ali: mum is OBVS paul Ali: the accent, the blue steel, the unnecessary harsh judgment Tommy: 😂 Tommy: The cupboards were bare before yours truly showed up to help with the big shop Tommy: Working my ballet body without rest here Ali: wanna have a fab summer not a flab one darling Ali: only thinking of all the money they ain't had to put into your training #datscholarshiptho Tommy: Put your claws away if you ain't aiming them at a diff blonde lad Tommy: That'll be why I'm shameless fave not cause none of yous are about Ali: seriously don't Ali: he better square up when we're in that car park Ali: if the teachers don't get him first...you won't believe the fucking scandal blatantly occurring rn Ali: obvs 😘 'til Bea and Fraze become the big ballers they wanna be and start paying it back Ali: all 'bout that dolla Tommy: if you heard that lad, gotta post up 🥊 Tommy: someone better smack that cunt Tommy: Spill it sister, how is he on worse behavior? Nearly a proper skill at this point Ali: I plan to Ali: just followed Carly into the fucking cupboard bog, like Ali: in what world are you not getting caught Ali: we're in a fucking tin can Tommy: ERRR Tommy: Your Carly? Tommy: she can do better Ali: I been telling her Ali: best believe Ali: can't drag her out like time out bitch Ali: he's a disease s2g Ali: every fucking girl I know Tommy: 💔 not about that for her Tommy: Every girl except you? 🤔 suspect Ali: nah Ali: don't need to tell you he treats her like shit, duh Ali: ☕ Tommy: let me at her inbox tbh Tommy: not having this Tommy: she's a cutie Ali: do it Ali: meddlin' gay who smugly knows best defs a better stereotype than jealous ex Ali: 😣 no tah Tommy: Valid Tommy: Your eyes ain't gone green though, have they? Tommy: If this is a triangle, or love square tell me now bitch Ali: Bitch Ali: how dare you do me down like that Ali: Nah, I just want her to be happy Ali: and ain't happening with that cunt Tommy: Don't you reckon she knows that Tommy: She was happy with you but that went how it went maybe she's not looking for it to be like that again Ali: Oh, so I just let her fuck her life up Ali: polite smiles from the sideline like SOOOOO happy for you babes, what a man! Ali: Pfffft 😒 Ali: be a better gay Tommy: Nah but putting yourself out there for the real shit is such a THING Tommy: I get it Ali: So dramatic the lot of you Ali: not gotta get a pug and a mortgage Ali: if you ain't going out there tryna be happy every day every way Ali: what's the point Ali: a madness Tommy: Maybe she's all out of trying after putting up with your high maintenance arse for so long ☕ Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Nobody's bringing their best for that basic fuckboy Ali: 🖕 piss off hair product Tommy: Like you take any less time putting together your 'effortless' lewks you faux hippie Tommy: Don't be coming for my crowning glory Ali: Bleurgh Ali: forgot how much of a bitch you were Ali: when you going back again? 😘 Tommy: We've all seen you #bringitforberlin Tommy: Not that I'm jealous nah Tommy: But how was it? Drama aside Ali: 👼 Don't push me down the stairs, watching my back now like 👀 Ali: It overshadowed everything lowkey but yeah Ali: still ace Tommy: You'll bring it back around when you flatten Drew Ali: 🍑👏 him Tommy: 👑 Tommy: what are we gonna do about Ro and Carly though? 🤔 Must focus Ali: soz, my booty has that affect Ali: but seriously Ali: I am fresh out of ideas... Ali: maybe he's like Samson and we need to give him a buzzcut Ali: break the spell Tommy: or shove a bowl on his head and ✂ Ali: ain't far off Ali: ☕ it ain't that cute a cut Ali: its just shiny and blonde, snap out of it ladies! Tommy: Honestly Tommy: Meena got all the looks and that's the tea Ali: Oooooooooh! 😉 Ali: No argument tho even if you're 😍 Tommy: SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ALISON Tommy: She's just better than him very HIGHKEY Tommy: Take it up with our man JC Ali: 😂 Ali: Bless Ali: so sweet Ali: and finally Ali: a matrimony we can all get behind Tommy: excuse me he made me and her both queens Tommy: too fabulous for your hetero baiting of the audience Ali: sure jan Ali: can't fake that chemistry Ali: told you, you're a shit actor Tommy: Take a step back Marsha if you don't want me coming for your weave Tommy: You reckoned on your ex a few back? Marlene would blatantly kill Drew no questions Ali: 💅💄 jealousy's a disease, get well soon bitch 😷 Ali: now you gay baiting! Tommy: 😂 Ali: Let karma sort him out Ali: Ro's well out of it Ali: Carly, I hope, knows what she's doing, even if I don't fuck with it Ali: he ain't gonna 💔 Tommy: Yeah Tommy: Still, drink and debrief when you get home? Tommy: I wanna hear how the teachers throw down Ali: fosho Ali: dog or you SO 100% G.A.Y. now you refuse to go anywhere that ain't flying at least 2 rainbow flags at all times? 😉 Tommy: 🌈 or bust Tommy: not gonna be Ro's scene but if you wanna bring Carly that cunt isn't gonna set foot in such hallowed ground Ali: A different concept for scared straight but I'm with it Ali: I'll ask her Ali: got a party dress I didn't get to debut, gotta save something for the home crowd, like Tommy: I'd watch THAT show Ali: wouldn't we all Ali: so much teen mum to catch up on, you best not have watched it without me! Tommy: Not trying to get struck down ta Tommy: That fury's all for Drew Ali: unless you've deleted all the recording like ur burning after reading, you're alright kid Tommy: Honey I know what's holy Ali: thank God someone does Ali: Drew getting kicked straight to hell and off this bus if he don't chill Tommy: They still going? Tommy: Ugh Ali: Nah Ali: Laoise and her crew dobbed, which fair enough literally no one needs it, doubt they got started before the teachs' were yanking them out Ali: if they had handcuffs Drew would be chained to his seat rn no lie Ali: citizen's arrests and full-scale riot behaviour going down rn from everyone slating Carly Tommy: omhg Tommy: I hope someone's streaming Tommy: Gonna send my girl 💚🍀 Ali: no doubt Ali: reckon we might have to make an emergency stop Ali: couldn't even make the trip home Ali: really lads REALLY Tommy: And I thought my school was full of drama queens and kings Tommy: Christ alive Ali: honestly Ali: got nothing on the common people Ali: i'm so over it Ali: gonna knock myself over the head in a minute so i don't have to deal Tommy: I'd suggest a sing song but don't reckon that'll cut it Tommy: Call me a bad gay again but Tommy: Never hear you over the war cries like Ali: 😂 if there was ever a moment for kumbaya Tommy: If they'd let you keep your 🎸 you'd be thriving Tommy: Yeah I heard about that casual confiscation Tommy: Weapon in more ways than one though, lads Ali: THANK YOU Ali: how we gon' play for peace now Ali: gonna have to get real happy clappy Tommy: 👏stop👏 slutshaming👏 carly👏 Tommy: End with a mexican wave that knocks that cunt out Tommy: She alright? Tommy: I just saw a flash of Ro, safe to say she ain't Ali: I mean, as much as they're all just using this as an excuse to do that Ali: lowkey have a point on this one Ali: why here and why now Ali: its disrespectful Tommy: Talk to her Tommy: Someone's clearly keeping Ro in the loop somehow, is that likely to be her? Ali: Idk Ali: I don't think its her style Ali: she isn't doing it to be malicious to Ro but yeah, idk why she is Tommy: Is she proper 💘 on Drew Tommy: 'Cause lord Ali: How could anyone be Tommy: I have literally no clue Tommy: But Ro's not 💔 about her German accent or whatever Tommy: It's all about him so there's gotta be something we're missing Ali: Oh, that ain't about him Ali: about a lot of things but him being a vessel for her intimacy issues and insecurities is just one of 'em Tommy: So he could've been anyone? Score - 1 for Romeo Ali: Any dickhead who's not gonna make it real on his end and ruin the fairytale, yeah Ali: dime a dozen Tommy: ☕ Ali: safe to say he's fucked the narrative still tho Ali: although, has he? 'cos secretly feeds into the 'i'm wrong and strange' deal we all know is there Tommy: Savage Tommy: But accurate Ali: I know Ali: Die before I said it to her face, like but Ali: makes me worried if she needs to prove that theory right again he could make a reappearance Ali: everyone loves a bit of self-destruction Ali: can't judge but I am Tommy: Samsies Tommy: Fuck's sake Tommy: This family Ali: Rocky the only one with a healthy functioning relationship tbh Tommy: The realest Tommy: Even ma's met her match in ro rn though Tommy: She's lowkey freaking me out and I'm used to you weirdos Ali: Explain Ali: I've seen her at her freakiest, remember, so are we talking worse? Tommy: True maybe I'm just out of practice Tommy: Ghost like vibes catching me off guard Ali: We'll have to keep an eye on the food Ali: she doesn't eat much, and never in front of any of us now Ali: but I can tell when she's had something Ali: make sure we're not hungerstrike vibes again Tommy: I reckon she'll be alright-ish when you get home Tommy: Much as she ever is, you know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: She's not gonna want to go to hospital or any of that shit Ali: Yeah, you're right Ali: I'm being dramatic, it's catching Tommy: 👑 Tommy: Bea will be if she sees her Tommy: Jesus take the wheel and spare me that Ali: 😬 Ali: can hear the 'I told you so' from here Ali: we're all thinking it but shh Tommy: Inside voices like we do at least Ali: Never know Ali: might be the motivation she needs Ali: Bea disappointment Tommy: Oh snap Ali: You know it works Ali: on Fraze too 😂 Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Yeah

[qqueenofhades]

Black Sails s4/finale thoughts

Okay, so I caught up on episodes 4x05-4x10 with @thelittleschemer​ over the past few days, and as such finished the season/series. Now I have many thoughts and need to write them down, welp.

I held off on finishing the show because I didn’t want it to interfere with what I had planned for TDH, and I can definitely say that it did not change anything about what I had worked out for the ending of said fic (which I really need to get around to doing soon). I was pleased to see that there were/will be a few points of concord, but yeah, TDH will definitely remain its own entity/story.

Tagging @prairiepirate​ and @ransomideas, who have expressed interest in my thoughts on said subject, heh. Under the cut for length and possible unpopular opinions.

Okay, first and foremost: Overall, I really liked it. The writing generally remains some of the best on TV, the acting is phenomenal, and as usual with Starz’ historical dramas these days, the production value is jaw-dropping. The sets, costumes, ships, etc are all just so real, and it definitely set up well for Treasure Island. It finished off its narrative arcs cleanly (or mostly so) and it continues to provide some excellent meaty commentary on the nature of stories, who tells them, who remembers them (hums “Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story” because lbr, theme song of this whole show) and the roles we play in creating and managing and remembering our own. This show was (and remains) incredibly intelligent and complex and subversive, you have to pay attention to all of it or you’re going to miss important plot developments (and probably still be confused on a few points) and it’s otherwise not at all what you’d expect from the premise (and first few episodes). As I said, just overall really impressive on many levels. The final few episodes also had a very POTC feeling to them, with mysterious islands that nobody can find, ghost stories, swashbuckling sea battles, hidden treasure, and so forth, and that was a lot of fun.

That said: Time to deconstruct it!

My main issue with the second half of s4 was that they seemed to throw all constraints of time/space/travel out the window, especially when it involves the characters sailing long distances at sea over incredibly cramped time-frames. Possibly writing TDH has made me too well-informed in said matters, heh, but they’d have us believe that Jack sailed from Nassau to Philadelphia, back to Nassau, out to Skeleton Island, and then back to Philadelphia in what.... a week? It’s been hard to gauge a reliable timeline for the show, since they’re moving historical events around freely and playing fast and loose with the facts to tell a good story, but we have the Maroons arriving and Madi’s mother saying that pirates from as far away as Massachusetts (which made me briefly hopeful for a Sam cameo, I AM NOT GONNA LIE) have heard of the fall of Nassau and have come to fight. In what... again, a day or so? I realize it’s important to keep the plot moving, and that nobody is actually going to watch two weeks of Jack and Anne stuck on a ship on the way to Philadelphia (although lbr, it’s probably still amusing), but for a show that has prided itself on its gritty realism, it kept taking me out of the story because I was all, NO WAY THEY’RE THERE ALREADY. WAIT. WHAT. THEY’RE BACK AGAIN? OKAY THEN.

(Aka, every historical/historical fantasy show has to contend with the fact that they need to get characters/news to places faster than historically accurate transport can actually take them, so things get compressed and skimmed over and squashed together, etc. It wasn’t enough to ruin anything for me, but I did keep noticing it, so yeah.)

My other issue was the involvement of the Spanish. Once again, I understand the narrative choice behind the decision: they needed a wild card/way to shake things up/break the standoff between the English forces and the pirates, and re-change the balance of power on Nassau. However (and I feel like they were aware of it and tried to finesse it to some degree in the narrative) are we really supposed to buy that the Spanish hate pirates just that bit more than they hate Rogers, agree to sail to Nassau, sack the place good, and then.... pack up and leave, never to be seen again or to have any further involvement with trying to reclaim the Urca gold (which would at least be a full-circle thing)? Within the span of an episode? I feel like the writers needed the shakeup, and to obviously provide an impetus for Rogers’ poor decisions to blow up in his face, but they knew they didn’t have time to adequately deal with the outcome, so we had the Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition and then poof, gone. This connects to the other sense I had, which was that they knew they had to wrap things up for the final season and find a way to stop a full-out war from happening, so the Spanish had to disappear after their use as a one-off shit-stirring device, the Maroons and the pirates and the English had to hastily make treaties to avoid said war, and despite a few really excellent action scenes, it still felt, idk, a bit... anti-climactic? As if they wanted a relatively happy ending for these characters (which is understandable) but didn’t have time to play everything out, so it just got compressed and a bit watered down.

Speaking of characters...

I love that the show has such intensive character studies/conversations/setpieces. However, I also feel as if the pacing ended up being a bit off as a result. We kept having long, multi-minute scenes of just two characters talking to each other (and again, exchanging important information in most cases, so you can’t really tune out), followed by a brief action scene, usually followed by yet another long dialogue scene. It’s always enjoyable to see the acting chops on display (I mean, these are not easy scenes to work through and require a lot of line memorization and facial nuance and other skill), but at several points I was wondering when everyone was going to stop talking and get back to the issues at hand -- as noted, if they’d cut some of the talking and focused on solving their plot problems, it could have flowed somewhat more smoothly. It felt as if they went too often to the well of “flashback followed by voiceover explaining plot twist” and had to TELL us information rather than SHOW us. Which again, it’s a good problem to have when your narrative is rich and complex and intelligent and has a lot of moving pieces, but again, everything could just be a bit, well, tighter. At least, that was the overall impression I was left with.

I was successfully kept on pins and needles over Madi’s fate (I had a few choice words when it looked like she was dead) and I hope she and Silver do end up together (I think it’s implied she does come back to him at the end) because I really like that relationship for both of them. It added a bit of selflessness and sympathy to Silver’s otherwise completely self-interested character, as did the scene where Flint presses him to explain his past and he doesn’t; we can tell he simply wants to forget everything that existed before Long John Silver (and I love how both that persona and “Captain Flint” were treated and twisted as distinct narrative entities for both characters) and that his life has probably been incredibly tragic too. He’s just dealt with it differently than Flint (which again, fits with them well as each other’s foils/yin and yang.) Their conversations/one-on-one faceoffs were some powerhouse acting from both Toby Stephens and Luke Arnold, and I appreciated the way things came full circle between them/to the logical end, but with a twist and with callbacks to their relationship in the pilot (as well as Silver finding the cook belowdecks). Madi is also generally a queen of everything and I love that she, a dark-skinned African woman, was made a central love interest and given emotional and narrative power/sympathy in her own right, and that the subject of slavery and her telling off Rogers to his face remained front and center. The show has always been so good with that (and LGBT representation, to the point where it’s a shorter list to think of who ISN’T LGBT than who is) and I really appreciated that.

On the subject of Rogers: Luke Roberts did an incredibly good job. Like damn. You can see the anger and insanity and grief rising and rising in him, but he’s almost scarier because it never breaks the dam entirely, because he’s always (almost always) self-controlled and dangerously calm and driven to do whatever he has to, and yet has no qualms with absolutely anything that is going to take. I was yelling at him for being the worst (and as noting, side-eyeing the decision to involve the Spanish both on a story and a meta level), and rooting for him to get his just desserts, but also genuinely being scared of him and respecting that he was good at what he was doing. You’re aware that he CAN hurt/kill/otherwise cause serious problems for our faves, and you’ve seen him do it, sometimes in gruesome detail. So yes, he served as an effective villain. You never could relax with him on screen, or be quite sure which way he was going next.

As for him and Eleanor, I’m still not entirely sure what to take away from that. I never bought that she genuinely loved him, as Eleanor is way too selfish to do anything, even a relationship, without personal benefit, and she got together with him in the first place as an alternative to incarceration/hanging. Even Flint questions whether her relationship with Rogers is somehow different from all the men she’s bragging about overcoming. Eleanor’s motives/nuances remained opaque until the end -- I believe that she wanted to rule Nassau again, and that she wanted to survive (hence the sad irony in her fate: that everything she did and everyone she sold out trying to save her neck led to her dying anyway) and that she saw in Rogers a way to do it. Likewise, I think he loved the idea of controlling Nassau through her more than her, and that it was easy for both of them to attach their feelings about ruling/controlling this place to the person of the other, to the point where even they might have been fooled/willing to believe it was true (if somewhat twisted) love. Hence as well why neither of them ended up in charge of it, she died, and he was ruined by his wife’s family, but not the wife he expected.

Jack and Anne were, as usual, fab, though as noted, their Super Speed Ship Travel had me side-eyeing hard. I noticed that their story, at least for now, ended far more happily than it does in history. Glad that Max got the chance to come out on top (I never ended up fully connecting to her as a character, but she’s definitely a BAMF).

Billy.... damn. Talk about a 180. Going from the man willing to do anything to keep your crewmates safe from Flint, to shooting them down in the water aboard a boat full of redcoats? Not cool, bro. Not. Cool. (Though I did enjoy the final face-off between him and Flint on the yards.) When that’s contrasted with Flint giving orders to make sure everyone is evacuated from Nassau and nobody is left behind, it strikes you how much they’ve changed places and how Billy has become objectively no better -- indeed, possibly worse -- than Flint, and doesn’t even have Flint’s self-awareness to know it. He has gone down a road by himself, by choice, and which fits fairly well with his upcoming role in Treasure Island/estrangement from the others (real talk, how does he get off?) but which made him pretty hard to root for by the end. I also think it’s no accident that he got paired with Rogers. Both characters are convinced they are acting for a greater good on their respective sides, but both are willing to do anything to achieve it, stubborn and independent to a fault, and unwilling to take any responsibility for their mistakes.

And okay, so... Flint.

He is my favorite and as such, I’ve had to save him for last, since I probably have the most thoughts/investment on the end of his story. In a nutshell: I have mixed feelings. I was convinced that he was going to die for most of the season, so I am obviously happy that he got some measure of solace/happiness/reunion at the end. However, I am also not sure that it wouldn’t have worked better for him to die, or at least leave his fate more open-ended. Hint that Silver wasn’t telling the whole story and that Flint was still alive, but for it to remain ambiguous where he went or what he did or why.

This obviously is a strange place to be for my favorite, but after a season of fairly hard-hitting emotional moments/notes and some pretty bloody action, I almost feel like they chickened out of killing Flint at the end and wanted to give him some happiness instead -- aka, an unexpectedly sunny “Everyone Lives!”-type finale for what has been a pretty dark show. Which again -- I have no problem with, because heaven knows the man deserves some happiness, but I still found myself vaguely unsatisfied with how it was pulled off. See above for my feelings on how well they dealt with the legends/personas of “Long John Silver” and “Captain Flint” in their own right, and I did appreciate that the end of season 2 (Flint wants to leave it behind and settle down with Miranda, but she’s killed) was paralleled with the end of season 4 (Flint does get a chance to leave it behind/is reunited with Thomas). However, on a narrative level, this... doesn’t quite work for me, because Thomas was never built up on-screen to be a character capable of carrying this emotional weight. We saw him only in a few season 2 flashbacks. We saw a bit of his and Flint’s relationship and how that backfired, but all we ever really knew about Thomas mattering to Flint was that we were told he did. We cared about Thomas because we cared about Flint and Miranda, but there was never really enough for him to become any more than a motivating/backstory figure in Flint’s own story.

Hence, I feel as if Thomas worked better as such (a backstory figure) rather than as Flint’s presumably somewhat-happy ending. Yes, I am a diehard Flint/Miranda shipper, but I was more invested in Flint and Miranda’s relationship because of all the time the narrative spent on making me care about it. We saw them together for two seasons. We saw their arguments, their disagreements, their tender moments (”I was hoping to have you all to myself for a few days”/”I recognize you, do you recognize me?” will never not kill me). We saw Miranda fighting to be with Flint and reminding him that she has been loyal and devoted to him for ten years, and him finally accepting that and letting her come with him to Charlestown and the two of them planning to make their home together and leave piracy behind... only for, yeah, welp, noooo. We saw Miranda’s relationships with other characters and we saw her own struggle in how exile had changed her and the sacrifices she had made for allowing Flint and Thomas to be together and the blame she took for the scandal. We had Flint wanting to die and be with her and his flashbacks/dreams of her for half of season 3, and him even saying that this was worse than losing Thomas (”But you... I am ruined over you.”) In other words, I was invested in them because the show spent so much time making sure that I was. I cried out loud when Flint compared Silver’s apparent loss of Madi (the woman he was willing to give up the war for/wanted to be his wife) to his own loss of Miranda. Flint and Miranda were both real characters in their own right, and Thomas just by nature of his role in the story was someone that they had lost and whose memory they still honored. To pluck him out and make him alive again seems a bit, well, pat.

Don’t get me wrong, my super bi ass is definitely incredibly appreciative that Flint, a bi character who has had two great loves in his life (Thomas and Miranda) ended up with his same-gender partner, and that they got to be reunited on screen. But I also feel as if the most poignant and fitting end for his story would either for him to explicitly die, and for his reunion with both Thomas and Miranda to take place in the afterlife (I so wanted that scene of the three of them together again/Thomas and Miranda being there to finally bring Flint back to them) or for his fate to not be spelled out, as it is in Treasure Island. I.e., for it to be pretty clear that Silver didn’t kill him and let him go, but for us not to know where he went or why, and that is why the legend remains and lives on. That way they can have the symmetry of him letting the persona of Flint “go back to the sea,” and to also keep the tragedy and romance and true loss of his story. He HAS changed forever in being Flint. He can’t give that up, he can’t wake from his nightmare. He’s lost everything and everyone (including his ship, poor Walrus). The ending with Thomas was nice enough, but again, I don’t care that much about Thomas in his own right, because the narrative never spent time on making me do that. I am happy FOR Flint because I love him and I know it’s what he would have wanted, but I don’t feel the gut-wrenching relief/sadness/cry-for-days-but-love it that I would have with Flint dying and finally getting to be with both Thomas AND Miranda again, and for us to see them once more as a threesome and a whole. Again, I feel like they ducked out of bringing Flint’s story to a sadder and arguably more fitting end, and while I can’t argue with my fave getting to live, yeah.

Anyway! Damn. That was a long-ass meta. As I said, overall I did like it very much, I certainly had feelings, and the rest of the show was generally so well-written that I can forgive them some pacing and plot hiccups here and there in this season. As I said, this is absolutely one of the smartest and most subversive and diverse shows on TV, and I am sorry to see it end. I would watch the shit out of Treasure Island if they do it (as I think they were kicking around). I just wish they could have hit some even more powerful notes in a few places. But thanks for the great adventure.