#but tbh i guess all that just makes me look a little unstable

[ihavebeesinmybrain]

nothing is more terrifying to me than the idea of somehow ending up in one of those youtube videos where someone gets to go through your phone

[bluedeedeedoop]

My Thoughts on Tales of the Empire; mostly Barriss (spoilers ahead!)

Ah hello all, i have had some days or so to think since watching the show and to say it has completely wiped me of my life force would be... pretty accurate tbh. BUT I HAVE FINALLY DECIDED TO POST MY THOUGHTS. will this cover my entire though process that im sTill working through? PROBABLY NOT! my thoughts are very unorganized and very unstable! ANYWAAAAYS.

Now I just gotta say overall, the show itself definitely passed the test. To be completely honest, i wasn't really paying attention to the Morgan parts as i was the Barriss parts, since it was literally what I was looking forward to this entire time.

Though I will say that the first Morgan episode was pretty neat! it was crazy seeing that perspective of the Nightsisters again and god did they make Grievous fucking terrifying. Honestly, bravo to them, it was amazing. I diiiiid end up just.. kinda spacing out the rest of it tho unfortunately cuz i just wanted to see barriss..

Visuals 10000/10. stunning, amazing, phenomenal, gahdamn. the animation was so smooth and fluid and uGHH it was amazing throughout the entire show. Acting amazing as always. BUT GOD I CANT GET OVER HOW AMAZING THE ANIMATION WAS.

NOW.

In my opinion, they got her character pretty on the dot. I am SO glad they did. I was rlly rlly worried they were totally butcher her character and make her unrecognizable to all of us but oml they didn't completely disappoint us, she has her morals, SHES STILL A HEALER! Im so happy from that.

Now although i did enjoy it, i do have my own little complaints.

Now okay one i noticed since the trailer and has REALLY been bugging me; where are her hand tattoos??? idk i guess i just wasn't expecting them to just be gone?? they couldn't have just forgotten them.. right? I dunno, but unless someone has a genuine answer for that, imma just keep drawing them on her in the future.

??????

Alright another thing i've been seeing ppl post about is how come she looked so old at the end? I am also confused on that and i've seen multiple theories. She should only be like 30-35 max right?? Because i'm assuming the last episode took place a the time in Rebels where the inquisitors were after the force sensitive children, and Ahsoka was around that age a the time, so why is Barriss any different?

I suppose the one i think makes the most sense is the force healing? I guess it could take a toll on her over the years causing her to look more aged, but still, i'd really prefer an explanation. Also what happened to her hair coverings?? Is that not her culture?? I dunno, again, i really need an explanation. I suppose that maybe her perspective has changed since trying to come to terms with her new life, and her ditching the coverings is a way to free herself from her past? Honestly i have no clue but i just need a lot of things answered.

That's mostly my complaints on it! I just felt things weren't explained enough but to be fair, they only gave her like 3 15-ish min episodes?? I really think they got some explaining to do. Which brings me to my next points.

I'm like... 98% sure that the "old friend" is Ahsoka that she was talking about. Who else would it be?? Like cmon. And if it is Ahsoka, why did we not get to see anything about the moment of confrontation? or at least more of a mention? I guess they wouldn't rlly wanna rush that scene, and tbh, im glad they didn't. It's not some "we talk for 5 min and everything is fine" type of situation. it'll take time. time to rebuild that trust. time to discuss. YEAH. I've heard many people state how it would be more likely and realistic to see a novelization of that and i agree. I would want it to take time, showing the build of the relationship over time, going on further into the story as we watch their strong bond mend from the trauma it's faced. I'm not saying this as a crazed Barrissoka shipper, i mean it that I would genuinely want to see how that confrontation is handled, as do many others and not just as a ship!! It's been a decade! the fans wanna know!

And my last point.

I.believe.Barriss.is.alive.

The more i rewatch it, the more i believe it. the first time around i had my doubts, but something tells me they are NOT done with her character. At least before the stabbing scene anyway. There's too much stuff that's left unanswered for it to just end that way! I dunno man, but Lyn's "i'm going to get you out of here" sounded way too determined for a "im going to move your body out of here" type of thing yk? maybe she could sense she was still alive, just barely hanging in there? I don't think they are done with Barriss Offee, and I wont think so unless we see her corpse being fucking BURIED. Not to mention the UNGODLY amount of parallels of that scene along with them exiting the cave. I've already seen so many point it out. Post-Vader and Ahsoka fight on Malachor?? Back when we all thought Ahsoka may or may not be dead?? sounds familiar hello?? Also a parallel from earlier in the show itself when Barriss saves that unnamed jedi! she HEALS them when they were going to be left there. Something tells me the same fate may happen to Barriss. Idk call me crazy but i will say it again, i don't think they are done with her story.

Thank you for reading my very unorganized thoughts! this has taken me longer to write than expected because i did not predict this to make me have to step away from making SEVERAL times- but yeah! lmk what yall think! and yes you can be expecting some art here and there! i know i've been slacking- Also lmk if u want me to post my crazed Barrissoka thoughts! because aHa i have them. i have them a lot. send help.

ALSO KEVIN KINER I GOT MY EYE ON YOU. BRO NEEDS TO RELEASE THE SOUNDTRACK BEFORE I DIE.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s2 ep1: The 37s

The first episode of season 2! I've always liked this one, and I still do. Is the concept of finding Amelia Earhart cryogenically frozen on a planet after being abducted by aliens a bit silly? Sure, but who doesn't want to see Captain Janeway meet Amelia Earhart? I sure do!

The scene where the crew investigates the truck they find floating in space is all kinds of adorable; impossibly brilliant science nerds from the future being mystified by a car is peak fish out of water comedy, and I laughed out loud when they all got scared of the car starting up. I don't think Star Trek gets enough credit for being funny, and they did a great job with this scene. We also got our first glimpse of Tom being a total nerd as he geeks out over the car, and I love to see it. It's such a relief when they let him be a relatable human person instead of trying to make him a bad boy, which ends up being cheesy at best, and cringe inducing at worst.

I think this episode was the first time Star Trek had ever landed a ship on a planet, which is really cool. Knowing that Voyager has secret little feet for landing on planets is so cute! The shots of the ship on the planet look great, I'm glad they filmed on location because it gives it more realism and a bigger scale. Whatever park they went to is maybe a little too Earth-looking though- you can see butterflies flying around behind the away team as they walk around lol. (But tbh, that's cute too!)

I love how it makes the ship scenes look when Voyager is parked on the planet- you can see sky outside the windows where the starfield usually is!! All the rooms are so brightly lit with the 'natural light' coming in, I didn't even recognize the Captain's ready room at first. The lighting being different changes the whole look of the ship, and makes the whole episode feel lighter and brighter. It's pretty much unique in Trek to see a starship in daylight, so that alone makes the episode a treat.

On rewatch, the one thing that bothered me about it the first time around actually makes sense to me now. I used to think it was unrealistic that Amelia Earhart wouldn't choose to go with Voyager, since obviously she loves flying and adventure. But this time around, I realized that of course she'd choose to stay on the planet- if she went with Voyager, she'd never get to fly again. Presumably, the humans on this planet have aircraft she could fly around with and explore the planet with, which is what she really loves to do. In the part where Tom shows her Voyager's helm, it's clear she realizes that what he knows as piloting is entirely different from what she knows- Voyager flies billions of miles per second through dark, silent space. Amelia Earhart knows flying as seeing the sky around you and the ground below you and feeling the rattle of engines and air currents around you. She couldn't ever have that on Voyager, and she wouldn't even be the pilot if she went with them- they already have Tom, and she'd have a nearly impossible task trying to learn 24th technology well enough to helm a starship. It actually makes more sense for her to stay.

(And I'm just noticing for the first time in my entire life that Tom sits on a rolling chair at his console, lmao. Every other chair on the bridge of a starship is attached to the floor, and people are still falling out of them and cracking their skulls open and dying every other space battle. So not only do they not have seatbelts (apparently OSHA doesn't exist in the 24th century lol) but they have an essential bridge officer in the most unstable type of chair ever invented. How did he not die?! I guess maybe we're meant to infer that it's on a track or a magnet or something to anchor it to the floor and keep it from rolling across the bridge all the time, since you can see in one shot that the wheeled part is covered up with a metallic disc, but still. Even in real life, how did they keep it from rolling around on set?? I have so many questions lol.)

The scene with Janeway and Chakotay expecting to see crewmembers lined up to stay on the planet, only to walk into the empty cargo bay, actually kinda got to me. I was a little misty eyed, I'll admit. I knew it was coming, but it's just so lovely, and gosh, Kate Mulgrew sells it. I love that she lets Janeway wear her heart on her sleeve; it never once undercuts the aura of authority she has as captain, but it does make you feel for her and understand her as a person. So, so good.

Tl;dr: I love this episode. It's fun, it's different, it's funny, it's sweet, it's the heartwarming comfort food kind of Star Trek that I am here for!

[play-rough]

8, 21, 22, & 25 for Dazai and Chuuya 🥹💕

🩵❤️‍🔥

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Dazai- god i feel like I’m so picky about Dazai characterizations and it’s so hard to describe sometimes I’ll just be like NO THATS WRONG‼️ but I guess one thing is when Dazai mentoring ryunosuke is just boiled down to a black and white situation where Dazai was soooo abusive to poor ryu (and i feel like this is a disservice to akutagawas character too), but Iike you have a child raised in a strict mafia environment and then you give that unstable child control over *another child* it’s not gonna go well, and i don’t personally blame either of the children in that scenario 🙄 idk BSD just has a lot of complex situations and I feel like they’re not always handled as such 😌🩵 Wtf this morally grey character is making problematic choices??? Cancel him🚫

Chuuya- when he’s just angry shouty guy who yells and shouts, sometimes I feel like I’m looking at a bad bakugo parody 😭

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Ummm for Dazai i like making him break down and cry and forcing him to admit he needs help or attention 🥺👉👈 or sick or just any kind of general vulnerability, and flip side for Chuuya, I love forcing him to admit he’s worried about Dazai or cares about him. My favorite part of Chuuya’s character is that he’s a genuinely nice person, Dazai is just so annoying and pushes his buttons, so I love showing off Chuuya’s softer side and highlighting his protective and caring nature. That scene where chuuya watches Dazai get slammed into a tree by lovecraft x1000000❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

For both of them like I said above im so picky and if you make them one dimensional or even if the vibes are bad I’ll just be like NO THATS WRONG‼️ and close the fic

Something i *like* is pretty much my same answer for 21 ajdhhfhdjs I really only write about what I like reading about so I’m a sucker for vulnerable Dazai and sappy Chuuya BUT for a more specific, ridiculous, self indulgent answer i like when Dazai is written regressed 🥹🩵 or even if he’s baby, just in energy 🥺🩵 Dazai is baby and should be written as such

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

First impressions of Dazai was i don’t even remember him, I read the first bsd book at the library when I was in middle/high school (don’t remember exactly when) and was like eh. Boring. I think it didn’t help that they didn’t have all the books so it was like volume one, three, five, prime numbers only. I think I read soul eater instead lmao. Flash forward to college I had seen bsd characters and i liked the designs, and i had figured chuuya would be my favorite bc he kinda reminded me a bit of Karkat from homestuck (a dear fave of mine at one point) in that angry but actually sweet and kindhearted kinda way.

I was still eh whatever about Dazai, which is crazy because I’ve seen him compared to both Gojo and Reigen in the silly mentor who lost the kids he’s custody of kinda way, and those two are some more faves of mine. Tbh i didn’t solidify him as my fave until we learned of his tragic past because my OTHER favorite kind of character is a rude little bastard, and i was shown the light. Dazai Osamu has the range. He’s like a two for one, which I’m pretty sure he’s a Gemini??? I’m not gonna google and confirm just trust me i think he’s a Gemini ♊️

Impressions now obviously Dazai is my babygirl, my soaking wet cat, my poor pathetic meow meow who has both never done anything wrong and also committed so many war crimes. Chuuya I knew i would like him and I do lmao, close second from Dazai. I think Dazai is pretty much my ultimate fave character of all time…

[simayeeet]

Warriors Orochi Headcanons and Stuff That Don't Make Sense to Me Now Ramble Bullshit Dump

things i wasn't able to put together coherently back when i played the games now strung together in a sleepy retrospect

For gods, everyone immortal/mythological/divine in WO is weirdly too weak AND FOR SOME REASON IT TAKES ANCIENT CHINESE/JAPANESE/OTHER WARRIORS TO MAKE A DENT IN THEIR PROBLEMS.

It really doesn't make sense for the Mystic Faction to seem so weak to the point they need humanity to fight for them. You're made up of Chinese and Japanese gods that have founded human civilization. With the Greek and Norse pantheons now becoming canon, they look even more weaker.

But even they seem weak with how Zeus gets betrayed by Ares, Ares fucks up things, Odin fucks up, Loki kills him, things get all fucked. Odin dies without much fanfare. But then again WO4 probably shouldn't be allowed to count, but I like the concepts it had however.

Sure, yeah, it's a game with the plot of "humanity is strong with its friendship and bonds", but I just think you shouldn't downplay the deities for their sake. But I'm basically asking for a WO game of only the original characters in there. Which I want. Please cut out the Warriors.

Ugggggh, though I headcanon that all the deities cannot use their full potential out of risking their already unstable realms. Which brings me to question: why is it unstable? Is it because of time fuckery they have to do to get their human fighters? Something something with Orochi I'm going to have to guess from what I remember of WO3 + Ultimate.

It would be interesting to explore how good and evil need each other to exist, maintaining ying and yang. Especially with the Asian pantheon characters with them covered in the symbols and all. Fine too deep for a Musou game.

I also want to know more??? about the WO deities and other original chars??? Why??? is there no ingame lore on them??? Besides the basic mythos, but WO could definitely give them little personalities and more bonds with each other. Why must it be about the humans? I mean, some interactions are interesting but man do I wish to know why does Taigong Wang look like a twink when he was a super old super smartass Chinese minister. Which brings me to:

Why do the deities even look like the way they are? Is this their weakened forms? Are they what they choose to look like? Well, I suppose all of them choose to look hot. Makes sense. I'd do too. It would be cool for them to have "true" forms. Or even partial transformations. Like an Arrancar from Bleach. Some part of them had to be sealed away so that they can keep the worlds stable.

Misc questions lightning round

For a human cast where 65% of the historical chars died of illness, they sure never asked the local GOD OF MEDICINE TO HELP THEM (Guo Huai??? Why aren't you cured when Shennong is right there??? Sure it might take time, but maybe if the WO power scaling weren't shit, he could just delete the illness)

Are??? Nuwa and Fuxi??? related in this world??? Or not??? I'm pretty sure whether or not if you confirmed them being siblings or not, it wouldn't matter because they are both gay (im kidding) (maybe not) (tbh all the deities ae a bit fruity)

Why does Kaguya know how to time travel? She's not a god of time. She's a moon princess from myth. I'd like to know the ingame lore about her power origins.

What is even the power scaling of WO? Fuxi is considered stronger than Nuwa, but then there's Susanoo and Yinglong who can compete with him. Where is Nuwa on this scale? She has to be at least his equal as, yk, his successor. Where would Shennong be on the scale too? Even if he's the medicine god, he has to be able to have equal power in his field if not for fighting. SHOULDN'T THEY BE WITHIN EACH OTHER'S LEVEL TO EVEN HAVE THEIR TITLES? Taigong??? Sun Wukong??? Daji??? What is their power????

Play Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate

[ocpdzim]

Actually, DS9 is pretty much the only show I have watched where I have had opinions on ships besides “I hate them” or “They seem good for each other so I GUESS it’s fine but I’d rather look at something else.” These are as follows:

Most of the canon endgame ships, including Jadzia and Worf because I think getting married and remaining married until one of you dies counts as endgame, are actually pretty cute and I did not hate watching them (this is high praise for a ship coming from me). My favorite of them from a character standpoint is Ben and Kasidy, which tbh is also the only one I wasn’t immediately irritated by when it first started. The others I was annoyed with at first but eventually came around to, and ultimately they are mostly pretty well written too.

The only major canon ship I REALLY DON’T like at all is Ezri and Julian. I feel like they will commit so many medical ethics violations because due to lack of other providers they are literally each other’s doctor and therapist and both have a HISTORY of committing medical ethics violations when treating people they are close with (Ezri just generally, Julian specifically with romantic interests). Also it was so forced and rushed. Maybe it could’ve been fine if they’d had like an entire extra season to flesh it out but I would honestly have preferred if they just didn’t do it at all. Also I feel like poor Ezri should’ve gotten like a year to just exist and figure out her issues before being shoved into any relationships AND before returning to work as a therapist because holy shit she fucked up administering therapy so bad so many times.

The one non-canon ship I most think should have been canon if the writers had dared to because it would’ve actually worked really well is the O’Brien polycule. Miles and Keiko clearly care about each other a lot yet have kind of an unstable relationship as it is, but every time they bring a third person into it, it seems to help significantly. They should stay married but Miles should also date Julian and Keiko should also date Kira who is also dating Odo. I think this would eliminate like 90% of drama in these characters’ relationships and generally improve station morale.

Julian and Garak was fun when I was watching the show and discussing it with friends, I guess I would’ve liked to see it in the show if it was handled well because they have an interesting dynamic and it would’ve presumably put an end to the parade of really insufferable “Julian has a crush... on DAX and/or a GIRL WE NEVER SAW BEFORE” events, but at this point I have seen way too many out of character incorrect quotes posts about it clogging the tag and so now I’m kind of tired of it. I get the appeal but let’s post about something else sometimes. Alternatively, let’s make posts about the ship that incorporate the characters’ actual personalities even a little bit. Either is fine.

Quark and Odo should NOT date because Odo would not treat Quark right and Quark would not treat anyone right. Quark wants a relationship so bad but I think he is just way too much of an asshole to everyone he cares about and should be banned from romance forever, sorry Quark. However, and this is crucial, the ship is such an incredible comedy setup that I am still generally happy to see posts about it anyway. “Quark and Odo try dating but they are really bad at it and have a nasty breakup” would also have been a viable episode plot and a fantastic addition to the “Quark fucks up an attempt at romance really bad” episode collection.

Sisko and Dukat is a terrible ship if it’s requited, because Sisko not only deserves better than that but also has too much of a moral backbone to ever even consider dating a person who sucks as bad as Dukat does. HOWEVER, it is funny when people write Dukat as having just an absolutely doomed and miserable one-sided crush on Sisko, who just straight up hates him and has no positive feelings towards him at all. And honestly? Considering what we know about Cardassian flirting and what we know about the horrendous way Dukat treats women he canonically has massive unrequited crushes on, you could make a good argument that "Dukat has a massive unrequited crush on Sisko and is handling it so badly and that’s at least partially why he did this” is a valid read of several of his actions in the show.

I have no real interest in a ship between Jake and Ziyal for its own sake; it’s been boring in every way I’ve seen it presented even though one could in theory do interesting things with it. HOWEVER since the writers were so determined to introduce weird fucking horrible to watch romance subplots for these characters (all of which were thankfully brief, but like, still awful), I think it would’ve improved the show if they were in a relationship simply by virtue of the fact that they were around the same age.

[kihaku-gato]

Tell me all of your oc's favorite plants or I'm shooting a hostage

Okay, that’s a good but hefty one, cause I do have flowers I attach to my OCs as their “symbolic flower” (idr why I started doing that but I’m pretty sure it was a story or anime that set me on that trend) however that is not the same as what their favourite flower/plant may be. I’m not sure I’ll have enough kinds of Hoepian plant/flower for this (yes I know I could go for irl plants/flowers but we’re gonna keep with the canon anyways to make things interesting) so let’s go (with IMAGES LINKED where able to give visual aids to names- rather than crop/paste those images onto here cause that'd would be a terrifying ton of images to work through) WALL OF TEXT BEGIN-

Terra is a woman of utility like her mother Laurel, so it would not surprise me if she were to have a similar preference for a plant that has a lot of use in her field of work in Mana Tech. Soul Daisies would not be a stretch since she’d probably use them often as the Base for a lot of magic crafts, but I don’t think they’d be her favourite of all time plant. Kabakin Pumpkins would not be an impossible choice either, since she grows quite fascinated by the range of their magical properties they are capable of when she learns of them. Hoepian Tiger Lily I think she likes most, some of it is cause she’d use it a lot to help fuel her fire magic reserves that she uses in combat, but I also think she likes how they look being orange/red reminiscent of the colour of her scales and clothes. If not using them for work or being busy with work, I could imagine her stroking their petals and feeling the bumps of the spots and stripes that mark said petals.

Kayla despite Soul Daisies being her floral symbol she probably would not really like Soul Daisies tbh. Like she’d find them pretty, but the problem would be if she were the interact with them. The fact they are so sensitive to outside magical sources that they would likely distort into a shadowy/crackling mess with her presence would just unsettle her a ton. It’d be the closest thing to a mirror of how unstable her magic is (at least in the earlier point of The Story). I think her favourite plant would have to be a flower/plant that’s pretty and/or cute. So going by current roster of created plants I guess either the tiny little Icedrop, or the Kissumeria tree (being they are so beautiful and the romantic associations attached to them).

Demauria (ah shit only good pic of her is a chibi one) is tricky, cause her symbolic flower (At least I think I chose it as such, it’s been a long time) used to be the Gator Jaws, but even as a symbol it doesn't really feel quite right for Dema, much less being one she even likes, though I think she’d still find them kind of cool being a light-up carnivorous plant. My brain could argue on this, would her favourite be a type of flower/plant she remembers from her childhood or it be something more to her stylistic preferences? If the latter then I would imagine she'd be into something hardcore or badass, like with thorns or venom/poison, like something out of a Gothic Garden, which really narrows down the choices of what Hoepian plant would be her fav as I do not have anything in the roster for thorny or poisonous plants yet save for one, the Demon Rose, which would be a bit too horrifying even for her due to how disturbing they can be to someone unfamiliar with them. I’ll need to expand more on those kind of plant I suppose. If it was a plant that she recalls from her childhood though, it’d be either the Snowcandle or the Glasstree (basically a tree often grown as a living Greenhouse), since both were keystone species to any form of Life she'd get to see outside the caves of the cold icy south, a window of warmth and beauty.

For Riivar either the Kissumeria tree or the Memberance Tree (her symbolic flower). Kissumeria trees can be an aphrodisiac just as much as they can be a romantic symbol, she likely would love the idea of having something to add on top to a fun time. Memberance Tree would be because it has similar associations to Earth’s Forget-me-nots; for remembering a past love, which in Riivar’s case would be her first love/crush. I’ve even drawn her with a tattoo that has Memberance Tree flowers on it so it would not be a stretch if it was her favourite.

Harriet I would try to think of something more creative rather than defaulting to her symbolic flower, but even then I still think her favourite would be the Raftflower (which I’ve called the Water Sunflower before, I’m just trying another name for it. It’s like a blend of Kelp and Sunflower, where the Flowerhead floats on the ocean surface. I am surprised I haven't posted any pictures of it yet but I think it was cause I was unsatisfied with my illustration). She likes the rich underwater forests they make, and their huge floating flower/seedheads are a bonus. She probably remembers sitting on top of a floating seedhead and popping the seeds into her mouth as a snack when she was little.

Anne- If just going by her experiences I’d say either her symbolic flower the Volcanic Protea (as it says on the tin; a Protea that grows along active volcanic areas) cause it’d be a flower that thrive in the volcanic village she was born in or the Sand Pawpaw (xeric adapted pawpaw) cause it was a rich tasting fruit she got to enjoy in her travels across the Heins Desert as a tween. Could imagine she’d know some really tasty recipes for the fruit. I really need to expand on my arid/volcanic flora for Hoep tbh.

Lily- Should I even account for Lily considering how little I’ve ended up fleshing her out as an OC? Screw it we’re doing it anyways; First that comes to mind would be the Bananachoke. Cause its tasty sure but also cause of its associations as one of the oldest documented domestic plant on Hoep, it would tickle her archeological/historical obsessed brain.

Laurel- due to the magical versatility Soul Daisies those would be her favourite, it’s not even a contest. She grows fields of the stuff.

Abbey- I’ll be honest I had to talk to a friend on her to try to grasp what I’m even going for her personality/vibe to help me try to get an inkling of what kind of plants/flowers she’d like. She is another character that reminds me that I need more kinds of plants on Hoep. CLOSE ENOUGH choices would be either the Chocolate Arum (which would be an amusing irony since she is pretty health-conscious with her food so it’d be funny for her to enjoy the one plant with chocolate-tasting necatar) or the Spiral Rily- which I apparently do NOT have any images of online, and not even found in my image folders??? A Crime! Here you go- Spiral Rilies straight from the dusty Hoepian Botany word doc-

Beneri it’d be Gator Jaws I think. She probably has a love/hate relationship with them cause on the one hand a plant that can help light the way in the dark but on the other hand CAN THEY PLEASE NOT MAKE THAT GROWLING NOISE THAT’S SCARY QAQ

Venelle’s is likely the Demon Rose, specifically her own Demon Rose. She hated it when she first got it but it’s (no pun intended) grown on her a bit since, and the fact it’s adapted to her mercenary lifestyle has only helped on that grown bond. Is that a cop out answer? Probably but let’s be real Venelle probably does not otherwise really think too hard about plants outside of nourishment in her travels and therefor a means to an end.

Sango (sorry, our beefcake doesn't have her art up yet!)… that’s hard as I feel like I need more coastal/islandic/oceanic flora to even be able to give her a selection. Coral is not a plant, doesn’t count. Well if we were to find a plant she’d like, it’d likely be something strong and sturdy if not endurant to the strength of the ocean waves. Maybe some kind of mangrove or something. I don’t think the mangroves that’d make a floating city would be one of them though.

Saka- yes we’re including the big vague antagonist that no one even directly encounters or hears about. Roses. No not the Demon Rose (though she is the reason those exists). Earth Roses. She probably remembers them from when she was back on earth so long ago before she settled on Hoep with the other humans. Shame they don’t exist on Hoep, Demon Roses are as close as it gets, and being Demon Roses don’t seem to like her, that’s just salt on an open wound.

Gertrude- despite being a plant herself (a chimera of three plants in a robotic shell) and it’d be funny to say her favourite plant is herself as a Grand Example of Self Love, I feel like her fav would be a plant other than herself that would awestrike her. Perhaps a gigantic clonal array of trees that spread out their branches into the vacuum of space. I am not as confident with the sci fi space flora than I am with the Seed World fantasy flora of Hoep, so can't really give a name for such a plant or much else yet. I am a long way from making spec-space flora.

A lot of other OCs aren’t from a setting where there are fictional plants, or they are gijinkas of plants themselves, so I can’t really account for them here, but that still covers a big net of OCs.

[tamars-runes]

06.16.2023

hey. so i haven't done this in a while, and i think it's important to keep an up to date journal. but i have a really hard time with paper. not finishing a page, or the pen being just slightly wrong, or i'm not satisfied with my own handwriting, whatever. i like to type instead. for ten minutes without stopping though? damn. 

i had surgery two weeks ago. the difference isn't as stark and clear as i'd have preferred, but you get what you get. mostly i'm excited, antsy really, to get back to work and school. to feel like a normal person again. all of my clothes (not all of them, just the ones i wear regularly tbh) are in texas with my parents, because they are bringing my car over here in a couple of weeks. i didn't really anticipate needing many of those clothes, but turns out, feeling like i can't go anywhere without them. comfort.

the past few weeks have been insane. i went to texas for like 6 days, which i know now is just simply too long to spend with my parents. we'll always get into fights and little battles, and it never goes well. my mom has been really rough on me, without her awareness obviously, but it still hurts. she criticizes what i wear, how i talk, the way i interact with people in my hometown, etc. my dad is better in the day to day, but he looked me in the face after saying that he's having a hard time using they/them, i told him he could use she/her if it was easier (i'd much prefer this) but he looked me in the face and said "eli, i changed your diapers when you were a baby. i know what you are." that one stung more than anything. the idea that he is actually incapable of changing. he literally does not have the capacity to change. to be better. to see me as i am, not as he always thought i was. my grandfather was there during that week too which was awful. he can't really grasp transition in any real way. he'll say things like "it's great to sit between my two handsome grandsons." and i KNOW he means well. i know his heart is made of gold. i know this. my parents remind me constantly. but it still stings. the only time somewhere here would say something like that to me, it's because they're trying to humiliate me, or to put me in my place. it's an emotional reaction. a knee jerk one. that isn't something they can get. 

even more wild that all of that though, my brother graduated from high school which made me brain shut down honestly. he’s supposed to still be like 13, sitting in the backseat while i drive him to school on a tuesday morning. but he's grown. he left for houston, for a summer physics program, the same time i left for mexico, for surgery, and it represents very pivotal moments in each of our lives. also the fact is that if they happened at different times, we'd both have been there for eachother. i guess gd decided we needed to do them alone. 

seeing everyone from my home town was really hard. it's like opening an old wound, one that didn't heal quite right. 

what's strange about being back is that i'm still having issues with dating. i'm seeing someone named caleb, he's a communist, but also somehow a business student? he's strange, because i've been getting mixed signals and it hurts. i’m realizing i’m a lot more insecure and unstable than i thought i was. i’m probably reaping what i’ve sown, i tend to be so distant and ghost so many people. i deserve some of what i'm getting. i'm also seeing someone in colorado springs named jeremy, and he's just lovely. we have lots of shared values and he doesn't make me feel dumb. at first, because of the way our interaction was going, i was scared he was actually gay and using me as a jumping off point for queerness but he's assured me through action that that isn't what's happening. 

i've been thinking a lot about the end of this point in my life. i'm about to publically change my name to tamar, which is so exciting, but it also closes this era. it punctuates it in a really interesting way. i'll be moving forward with my education, which i've been so excited about and so fired up for, for the past two years, but all it makes me want to do now is RUN. i'm getting cold feet and i wish i could just leave. do a long ass backpacking trip from new delhi to london, or afghanistan to italy, or australia to bali, just to get some fresh air. i'm realizing how much i'm changing by staying in one place. this is the longest i've stuck around, especially as an adult. two years in november, so really just a year and a half. i'd really love to get a car i can live in for at least a bit and just take off. travel some. because when i graduate (god willing) in three years, the world will have changed so much. things are happening at such a rapid pace honestly and it's mortifying.  i feel like a kid sitting in bible study, or sunday school, being told that the apocalypse will mean the end of life as we know it, and that it could very well be in our lifetime. i don't know if i believe in the literal biblical apocalypse, but it takes up enough space in my psyche to understand that it's important for my personal development. i'm about to get a tattoo of a biblically accurate angel, a seraph, on my arm which i'm excited about. 

the building blocks of my fear of global warming and technological and simulationist development is that it's all coming to an end and you never know when it's the last time you'll do somethin. that's terrifying. not knowing when your life will change fundamentally, because of external causes. things we can't affect. 

i saw a post on some social media site, during my surgical recovery that just made me bawl like a baby. it read: I AM VERY YOUNG, AND I AM STILL LEARNING HOW TO LIVE.

 i am still learning how to live. i really am. 

i dont know what the fuck i'm doing. i'm really just throwing darts at a screen, trying to make sense of it but it doesn't add up. i wish i didn't feel like i was running out of time. time is the new money though, at least that's what they say. it's the only thing you can never get back once you've spent it. i really hope i'm spending year 21 as i should be. 

i think part of it not making sense is that everytime i feel like i've landed on a good thing, on something that could work and keep me anchored, it always falls apart. for two years ive been advocating for myself to be able to study here, and now that i've finally reached it, it doesn't taste as sweet as i wouldve hoped, or even expected. 

the snake that tempted eve in the garden, he tempted her with freedom. the knowledge not to be bound to god anymore. not to have to rely on him. i really wish i could get some of that fruit, from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. because right now, i feel like im just hanging on by his coattail. i dont want to have to rely on a god. 

i don't want to have to, but sometimes  it is nice, i guess, to be able to just pray and curl up in the shade of that tree, without eating of the fruit. i deserve to rest. i deserve to be protected. it's what we deserve, as people. i guess it's just scary to think that we all rely on him. i dont need god, at least i dont think so. i don't think i need god. maybe i do maybe that'll reveal itself in due time. who  fucking knows. 

maybe secretly i’ll want to rely on him. 

[fersrsbizniz]

I see now it’s going to be “A Better Mouse Trap”

Something something about Sentinel? Let’s find out what my brain remembers.

*Note: I skipped this episode and watched the next one with my wife a little bit ago (didn’t realize I had skipped it until I saw where I was on my last saved reflection, so I get to share that with anyone who is interested soon).

Forever listen to the intro. I’d put this in a playlist. Hey…I wonder if Spotify…

I can’t tell. That might be the theme, or a cover, but it won’t play for me. Just got the campfire song song blasting currently because damn me and my curiosity.

So we have Waspinator, Terrorsaur, and Blackarachnia being dastardly, having plots, making Waspinator do all the work.

Glad to see it isn’t a bomb, considering the unstable energon vein that connects the two bases. This is going to be weak enough because it’s a sonic emitter aimed at a different part, on a smaller scale, I guess? Is it wise? Idk, who cares, she’s clearly put some thought into it, let’s move along.

And she’s bullying Terrorsaur. Nice.

Ah, a switch in POV. Rhinox is going over some changes he’s made to Sentinel (I do remember this episode!) that are very much meant to detain rather than maim, and tbh I would have been shocked if it had been to do more than knock someone out. I’m not sure I would call this impregnable, but if these types of defenses were actually implemented, the Predacons would have a bit of a tougher time.

What I mean is if we ever heard about all the changes ever again in other episodes (then again they are always managing to turn them off so maybe that’s why?)

Waspinator has been spotted on Cheetor’s watch and it sounds like Optimus is connecting some dots.

Sure he’s on the side of the Predacons, but I can’t help but have this soft spot for Waspinator. Yes, Waspinator, you rule, just not in the way you think.

Ooh a dig at Rattrap. Sounds like you’re learning more than just stealth tips there, Optimus. And then it’s all serious again.

THE FINGER WIGGLES!!! The little :) !!! I love

Cue chase, then back to base!

And Dinobot disapproves of the defenses, what a surprising revelation! lol

He does kind of prove his point there though. Might need more “tanglers” than that to stop Predacons that get past the initial defenses. Right now you just pissed him off, Rattrap. And you both are now going to mess up Rhinox’s hard work.

Yep. Yep. Yep. There you go.

Petty boy gets the petty prize of shocking oneself (and somehow not blowing a fuse), which begins the problems!!!

Something about the way he turns his head back with his hand is funny but I can’t pinpoint why.

And awww, its nice to see Rattrap acting responsibly. He does a lot of cool things when he’s like this.

Back outside…

Of course the energon surge happens now, but it does give Tigatron the chance to show his moves, again. HOWEVER, I’m not usually a huge fan of the I work alone mindset when there’s no reason for someone to have to work alone. Dire situations where inaction from even a single person could have terrible lasting effects? Yes, I’m for it. But currently they only know they’re looking for something fishy. Being stubborn like this is not a way to ensure the best outcome.

Back to base with being locked out of said base, jammed comm links, and Ooooooooh!!! He said it! He said the thing!

And now Rattrap is proving its not enough defense (although it would require the more thoughtful Predacons to devise ways to beat the programming)…well that OR that he’s just that good of an infiltrator.

He waved! Second wave!

Tigatron found the secret door! And now is off to cause some problems for the Predacons. All the while the other Maximals are trying to get back in.

And now I’m thinking…aren’t these methods a little…self-destructive base wise?

A stealth fighter, master marksman, and demolition expert? Yep (aside from the demolition thing) fave rpg build there. The demolition thing makes me think of how my wife always messed with me in Perfect Dark, and how I’d come after her with just my fists after she disarmed me, scaring the crap out of her with my tranquilized accuracy, before eventually being taken down because she was better at the game lol.

Okay Tigatron, I appreciate you have a stealth mode, but what exactly about this mode is…stealth?

I guess it was, if you were able to steal the emitter? Idk I was just sad Blackarachnia was sad about her invention being taken. A girl can’t even destroy something…

Once again I ask with more concern: WAS THIS EXPLOSION WISE?!?!?

You’re all lucky you didn’t trip up that vein omg I stg

Here Rattrap is being cool and all I can think of is wow, that is a SHINY backside because it’s like the brightest thing on the screen.

Really, I’m no expert on like defense, but (and I know it should be toss the logic here, they’re not prepared for all of this, etc…) shouldn’t there be more substantial defenses above if you are willing to go (what looks like) lethal with your defense here???

That’s a bit fatalistic, Rhinox. Sure Sentinel wouldn’t drop the shield if an enemy were still around, but it wouldn’t keep up the shield if the situation was fixed. Omg everyone is sad D:

And there’s Dinobot with the pragmatic eulogy (cue me shedding preemptive tears for future…I straight up can’t finish the sentence I am legit sad now)

At least you know where you stand, I guess (ow ow ow)

Awww Rhinox, he’s your best friend? 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t remember you saying that. But I can see it. Now the question is, are you guys the galest of pals?

And there Rattrap is, making a scene and lightening the mood for everyone. Major deaths? Not in this episode!

And that’s it!

(Now I want to play perfect dark but that’s like the n64 game and idk if we have the wires for that here)

[onlyswan]

Hey dear art!!!☺️

How have you been dear?Just so you know that I love you!!!!A lot, okay!!!! I just saw that you wanted to go out on a date, how I wish we could go on a date, a girls day kind of date.

And, here's my assumption, you love/romanticize the idea/process of falling in love, break up(I mean not at the moment but), moving on, meeting new partner again.

It's contrasting from from the way your blogs are but I kind of feel like you low key love unstable relationship or the idea of it (At some point in your life.).the chapter which was inspired by taylor swift's illicit affair adds to it. Maybe not for yourself but in movies, books, folklores etc.

And, dear can you make assumptions about me,both emotionally and aesthetically, please. I just want to know what people think of me without even looking. And, guess what is my zodiac sign? I already know yours, my Augustine(TS's August)😁.

Byeeeee!!Have a good day/night/afternoon/evening ahead.

~🍁anon

hi maple leaf anonie i love u more <333

OH THIS GOES DEEP LMAOSHDJDLDBGKG it’s hard to say for myself 😭 it’s true about falling in love but i’m not sure about the others. not that i romanticized it, but i’ve always known my first love was not going to be my last. bittersweet, but it was normal that we craved and needed growth. as for unstable relationships, i definitely don’t romanticize them. as someone who wants to take psychology i’m just genuinely curious about what drives people’s actions and especially how they affect their relationships and you’re right that they’re often portrayed in art!! i was once young and stupid but it never changed i still crave peace in love most of all<3

okay i have very little to base this from so sorry in advance 😭 hmmm you love autumn and baking!! since you listen to taylor i think you might also love reading. you love the idea of love, and when you get hurt by it, it devastates you greatly. tbh idk a lot about astrology aside from my own chart but my guess is taurus or cancer 😬

[veraciousverax]

So when I was young- and I’ve thrown my journals away, so I can only approximate the scenario-

My grandmother and aunts would hurl insults around and shaming was a large part of my upbringing. We were supposed to be closely knit enough that it would roll off, I guess, but things got very unstable. But 10 year old me and would ask the adults to please not insult me when trying to get their point across. The corrections fell on deaf ears.

So now I’ll preemptively insult and dismiss myself from arguments. Just bc if you’re thinking it, I’ll say it.

And idk what’s going on with my self esteem. I honestly try not to think about it too much and try to focus more on my goals and interests. Goals aren’t going very well at the moment, but my interests are coming along. Just trying to learn how to be consistent.

As for the insults, it’s embarrassing bc I’m being accused of playing victim all the time. Whaaatever, but if things ever get extremely self destructive, nobody better be mad if I do something fatal tbh.

When I was younger, I was better at staying out of sight and starving myself. Taking as little space and attention as possible.

Now, idk.

I just know I have a lot of unresolved hurt and I get defensive and yes, talking shit about myself is a defense thing.

But now I’m a full on adult so it just looks like I’m insecure, immature and can’t let go of drama, I suppose. And being of service is tired and I’m not sure I want to prove my worth or earn quality time with sexual favors.

Just feeling like an insecure POS. I still wish I was in therapy but finding the right therapist is hard and maybe this is something I have to grow into and out of.

All because someone likes to place his laptop on the toilet without taking a wipe to the commode; then move it to the living room and the kitchen. All I asked was a way to help him remember to not cross contaminate. But I interrupted his me-time. And I nag all the time.

Someone once told me I suck at reading the room, among other things.

I’ll save the litany for now but I’ll say that these things make me want to finish my life as a nun or a recluse. Live in community with other outcasts (I’ve always gotten along with ‘weird’ people). I’d be down if the music was good. I guess it’s a step up, but not really bc it doesn’t take much for me to want to [dialing tone]

[spicebiter]

Resident Evil 2+3

I'm just generally not super impressed by the Resident Evil movies so far, tbh. I liked 2 pretty well but then it got pretty boring in 3 again.

2 had good ties to the first movie, and a pretty good cast of new characters. The CGI is also, in my opinion, muuuuch better than that of the first and impressive in that since it was only released two years after Resident Evil 1. The Nemesis design is also pretty cool, but even thought they referred to him as Nemesis and all I got a little excited because his entrance had the vibe of Mr. X and that would've been Pretty Sick. The end was an interesting touch, too, with the effect on Alice's eyes and the hell of a bad omen that is.

Shame they fucked it up with number 3! Right out the gate it's an absolute record scratch of a move to be like oh yeah it's five years later and the world's ended. HUH?? Some key things that made me really hate sitting through this one.

-Where is Angie?? I'm pretty certain it wasn't mentioned in the movie- actually neither was the newscaster now that I think about it- where the hell she went despite her being pretty important to the plot of 2 and also y'know being a CHILD you should protect??

-The absolute backslide from the implication that Alice being controlled is going to make big trouble in the future and then literally all it ends up amounting to is she's stuck in place for like five minutes before overcoming it, kind of undoing the plot point of her keeping her distance from people for years out of fear of what Umbrella's control would make her do

-On that note, the sudden concept of Alice being telekinetic/in some way psionic despite no implication of this sort of power in past movies being shown and also no reason I can think of for this to even be a possibility other than it being a deus ex machina and keeping Alice as the All Important Human (because being superhuman to start with wasn't enough, I guess)

-Even more to that point is that it's very unclear as to whether or not she is aware of this power before she lifts the rocks and her motorcycle or if this is the first time she recognizes the presence of this power, and regardless the way she seems to go from unstable control to more conscious control of the power is weird.

Even outside of all this in terms of weird, kind of off plot points there's other things I just don't vibe with other aspects. I really don't think the deserts of America could turn into the Sahara-like dunes they become, especially in just five years, but I'm not a scientist in any way so that's just personal opinion and speculation. Weirdly, I also found the CGI backpedaled in quality with this movie- while just like in the first movie the CGI creations look good on their own it's when in fast motion, especially in relation to the live action sets and actors, that things start to look a little disorienting and wrong. The transitions to scenes that take place inside the Umbrella complex are also not quite right to me, between the way they slow down the pacing set up in prior scenes to the way they're a somewhat frustrating albeit visually pleasing transition because there is no text or visual prompt to know where these scenes are taking place within the complex because it's a completely different area from those shown in the first two movies.

Both of these movies also have a severe problem with their shot lengths and the way they jump from view to view so quickly in action scenes especially. It's extremely disorienting and makes it difficult to follow the action well enough to know precisely what is happening before it's already over. Additionally, it makes multiple points that should showcase either extreme feats of skill or extreme despair and horror in the state of the world look extremely cheap and less impactful.

I'm now halfway through the original run of Resident Evil movies and I doubt I'm going to be impressed by the latter half, but since they're not abysmal to watch I'll continue to watch and see if I'm pleasantly surprised.

[alternativemiraculous]

Penalteam (obvious spoilers!!).

If you remember me, you'll know the things tying me to ML are the Miraculouses themselves. I love the idea of a set of jewels that give you powers. But man, do I want to say things...

Penalteam. I decided to watch the whole thing. I don't care for canon Chloé anymore, she's become incredibly boring to me. I prefer Lila as the go-to villain teenager, tbh. But anyways. Oh and isn't it really dangerous that Ladybug went giving the Miraculous to all her classmates, which were too close one to another? I get that she didn't have any other alternative but idk, everyone was so clustered that it looks like a scary maneuver. I don't know if I'm getting the point across adkwjkdjwl. I liked the "battle", tho. The football match was interesting.

Anyways! The important thing. I only care about powers. And, well, holders.

Traquemoiselle.

Sabrina Raincomprix. Too obvious. She's loyal so she dog and blah. I don't really care about canon Sabrina as I feel her characterisation is rather unstable, but even with that, I don't consider this the bestest of choices for her.

Design: I'm sorry, but no. I really really dislike it. I feel it's too tacky and toon-ish. It looks especially wrong compared to designs like Coq's. I don't like how her pants look, how little detail the design uses and I especially dislike whatever is in her head. I swear any fan design is better.

Power: Fetch. It works ig. It is definitely doggy and it has a good name (it's so fetch!). HOWEVER, I feel it's too close to the Horse. This power feels like a subset of what Pegase could do. Wasn't his first appearance him teleporting to get an object? I get how they're different: Fetch, as it appears, needs the ball to touch the object first. However, as much as it is more specific and gimmicky and definitely feels dog, is still a means of teleportation. I'd like a literal tracking power more, as you know; whether it means literally knowing where someone known is or just being able to "see" smell trails.

Weapon: ball. Cute, but too small to act as a weapon somehow, or so I think! Years ago I gave the Pig a ball as a weapon but it was a bigger one. At least the ball is related to dogs. If she had more than one I wouldn't really complain, tho. If you ask me, I'd give the Dog a boomerang.

Coq Courage.

Marc Anciel. I don't see how he fits as the rooster AT ALL, but I guess having surprising matchs sometimes is good, as most of us expected the Goat was going to Marc. I've gotten to like Marc a little more so I don't mind him getting to be in the spotlight for a while.

Design: so fucking cool. One of my favs I gotta say; I really like the suit, it feels incredibly pretty as well as cool. I'm not the biggest fan of the hair, however; as much as it fits a rooster, I don't think it fits Marc. Oh and regarding Marc... Coq looks nothing like Marc ajdkwljdkw.

Power: Sublimation. I'm sorry but no. The fuck is this? He gets the ability to... get any power he wants. Anything. Then, why doesn't he wish for the power to find Hawk Moth or something? The power to inmediatly destroy the Akuma object? What are the limitations? See, this is why too flexible powers can be problematic: I feel they cause plot-holes. Besides, what does this have to do with roosters? If anything, this feels like the Butterfly but less cool: both Miraculouses can create any wanted power, but at least Butterfly has downsides (despite it being too OP).

Weapon: quill. Feels too similar to the Peacock's feathers, but obviously they have different uses. Looks like it was made with Marc specifically in mind (writing), something I don't really like. Design wise it looks cool, though. However, how does it work as a weapon? My personal choice for the Rooster was a lance, btw.

Definitely hate the power omg. If I wanted to have a power like this I'd make a Miraculous be able to copy abilities; probably the Rat as a nod to the Zodiac legend where the rat and the cat use different animals in order to go forward or maybe an AU Cat because copycats. What to give the rooster? I truly don't know, tbh. I have this but I've never been convinced. I'd give it powers related to sunlight or sound, that's for sure. Maybe powers related to day and night, literally? Controlling the level of light during the day or in a room, idk. It feels versatile enough.

Caprikid.

Nathaniel Kurtzberg. Definitely feel he fits the rooster more, but I guess the goat works just fine. Not much to say; I feel Nath's character is rather unstable too.

Design: cool. I don't like the fact that his hair doesn't change. Horns are cool. Really, I adore how the suit looks, definitely one of the best looks. The fur looks so cool. I feel it fits Nath, too; somewhat straightforward but flashy too.

Power: Genesis. what??¿?¿?0!1?¿ No, really, what? Three things: 1) this Miraculous was clearly made for Nath, considering the fact that Evillustrator had the exact same power; 2) since when are goats related to creation? Abundance, I guess? 3) isn't this, you know, Ladybug's... power??? This is just creation, you cannot even give it another concept; this is the power to create something out of thin air!!! Yeah, Ladybug cannot choose what she creates but it's more than implied that she could: Misterbug did it and, well, the charms are a thing. So why does the Goat get to have the exact same power? I don't get it???? I'm really confused. If someone can explain this to me... But hey, at least the name is cool!

Weapon: paint brush. Nothing to do with goats, too much to do with Nath, but the weapon itself is cool and original. I don't really have a complain. I would've given it a slingshot, as I've said before.

No, really, this feels so wrong to me. Tell me anything you'd like; that this is more related to imagination whereas Ladybug with luck, whatever. These powers feel like one and the same. I've never known what to give the Goat but definitely not this.

Minotaurox.

Ivan Bruel. Too obvious. Fits his strength and all. Not much to say.

Design: cool, but somewhat basic. Not a lot of colors ajkdjwldw. I don't really mind this design. Not good, not bad. Golden accents are something I like. However, I'd like Ivan's hair to change too.

Powers: eh. Meh. Resistance. I don't really get what it does. Super strength? Unstopabble object? Literal invencibility? Can't make an opinion because I didn't really understand it.

Weapon: didn't catch it. Man, I'm sorry Ivan aijdwdjkw this is too short. Someone please explain the entire Ox to me.

Yeah I think this is all. If I forgot someone, I'm sorry ahdjwdkj I'm a bit clumsy. But yeah. You don't have to guess it: I'm not happy!

[syubub]

May 13th Reading

Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.

Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!

Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.

(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)

So so so so

Let's start.

I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!

Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.

The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?

I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.

The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"

And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.

I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were

Now this part:

"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"

Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.

This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.

Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.

Anyways

He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.

I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.

Now let's begin the monster read.

So. The first row of cards

I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"

Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.

The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.

So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?

Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles

This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.

I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.

Soulmate time

Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.

As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)

Now for the bad boys in the middle

The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.

Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.

FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.

For the row of bottom cards

I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.

Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.

Now to the sides!

Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.

So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)

We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.

The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.

"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"

Now for soulmates cards (same structure)

Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."

Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.

Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"

The last stretch my friends.

So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"

Now we have heaven sent.

""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"

" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."

And free from judgment, free to love

" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."

" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."

" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.

And that's all for the cards but but but.

Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.

So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up

You gotta be fucking with me.

Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.

YOONGGGIIII

Anyway,

I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.

As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"

And then

It hit me

"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"

I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.

The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.

I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat

But Mr smug butt had different plans.

My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????

My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"

Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.

(Asshole)

Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?

To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.

Thanks, buddy.

Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.

My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.

Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!

~~~~

That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.

[digitalvoidheart]

Pixelated New Moon - New Moon Ending (Ending-1)

First

¤¤¤¤¤¤

Moon didn't want to leave him. He couldn't. Cross was too much of an asset. He can combat for sure, maybe heal just as well but the situation he's facing is just. Not. Helping!

Sure, Cross' explanation of why his team needs him vividly clarified the doubt, and that without him they'd go ballistic, he still wants him to come along. Just why does this stupid game only allow one player to leave?! It's not fair!

Moon started to feel overwhelmed with anger, stress and guilt. It's not fair! He will DIE if I don't get him out and it will be MY fault! I doubt anyone would want to help him with the sacrifice of their only life! It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair! It's not fair! IT'S NOT F-

"Hey, you're starting to breathe funny. Calm down" Cross' soft calming voice once again broke him from his trance of furious and berating thoughts.

How is he still calm? His life is at risk and he decides he wants to comfort Moon? A player with so much less experience and at a lower level than him?

"Why?" Moon croaked a whisper. "Why do you wanna send me back knowing full well you won't be able to go back?" By now tears began to prick his sockets.

Cross' heterochromatic eyes widened at his question, his stoic mask cracking. He paused for a while before looking down as he let out a sigh. He smiled weakly, the emotion drenched with pain and sadness that an empath like Moon could feel the tightening of the metaphorical strings tugging at his Soul near to the point of shattering.

"You have a home to return to," he finally whispered and looked up, tears running down his cheekbones. "And I don't intend on snatching that away from you."

Moon gasped at the small tension Cross' Soul relieved. Tears welling in his sockets from the pain the achromatic player felt "You deserve a second chance at this fucked up life game."

Cross shut himself up, trying to salvage the broken pieces of his tough exterior so he didn't seem vulnerable to Moon.

This was becoming a more difficult situation for Moon. He wouldn't want to be the last person to shred Cross' last sliver of hope just to get home.

Home... They were his home... and they needed him.

Just like Cross.

But how to help both?

A force pummeled into Cross' chest knocking him from his welling negative emotions. Upon looking down, he saw his cloaked companion giving him a hug.

He looks so small. The traitorous thought bubbled out. He chuckled weakly at the stupid idea in his head, too emotionally distraught to do anything than return the sweet gesture.

They remained in silence like this. For how long? Neither knew. Could've been hours or days, maybe months but by then, Cross calmed down and didn't realise when did either settle down on their knees, still in eachothers embrace. Maybe time was fucked up in here just like the world around them.

Cross didn't realise that his emotional moment had taken its toll on Moon's as well, knocking him unconscious whilst comforting Cross. As Moon's head lolled from side to side as Cross shifted his position only did he notice Moon fell asleep.

This kind player with the dilemma to save himself or Cross. He didn't want to become a burden to others.

From his monochromatic pocket, Cross fished out a "Hidden Card". He sighed. He could only hide like this- like a coward. But like all lies, the truth eventually comes out.

He filtered through his memories, on how he ended up here.

Joining a team, being forced to kill for exp, several failed attempts of destroying his "killing machine" self until his final escape in the void of this level.

He didn't bother watching his 'team' struggle, more than ready to end his unstable existence.

That is until he noticed a similar but smaller figure to his pixelate into existence beside him. He knew it wasn't right to snoop on other's businesses but... He felt it. That tug of urgency to help or get help from.

Now's not the time for walking through memory lane (or trauma lane).

Cross shook his head. He searched around Moon's small form for any sack or lumpy item containing the escape key.

Bingo.

He eventually found Moon's gold bag. Cross stood up after placing Moon down comfortably, before facing the task bar meant for Moon.

He pressed the "return" option, holding out the bag of gold. He watched as the bag glitches off of his hand and out of existence before returning just as quickly, as the bar now showed two values. One slowly increasing like that of a super fast countdown, the latter increasing just as speedy.

0

78000-

It went down and down until the values switched. While Cross waited for the values to switch, he subconsciously kept giving glances at Moon's tired form. The soft sound of the money counting down resonated through the silence.

Until it stopped.

A quick look over confirmed the switch in numbers. The numerals then glitched out of existence, in its place glitched a static-y portal which flooded the silence with its cacophonous noise.

He knew he shouldn't have. Knew that he shouldn't have listened to the voices telling him. Ordering him to look back. But being weak to orders, looked back once more at Moon.

Then turned away.

---

Moon woke up to a black space. His previous companion nowhere nearby and the thickness and heaviness a burden to even move a digit.

Looks like Cross saved himself after all, Moon thought, a melancholic smile overtook his tired face.

He knew that the opportunity was available, no threats to pass if Cross wanted to take his money and escape he guessed.

But why.

Why did it still hurt?

By the stars, he GAVE Cross the option to leave and abandon him! He knew this could happen! But why? WHY did it still hurt?!

First abandoning Nightmare and the trio, now Cross. Why does it always-

"If you think drowning me in your sadness will kill me, you're sorely mistaken" that voice...

Shifting his eyelights to the origin of sound, he almost sobbed when he saw a hint of cyan glowing softly in the darkness instead... of... Black and white...

Where was Cross? The concern rippled through him as he tried to lift his dead weight of a body on what now seemingly felt like a heavy blanket and bed.

"Not so fast, hero. Being in the Void for some time clearly took a toll on your strength." a tendril pushed Moon back to bed, the purple eyed skeleton not even fighting back, clear proof of his weakened state. "Since time acts differently here and in there, we do not know for how long you've been away. All we know is once the boys completed the tasks, you were jettisoned out of a portal. We just brought you back from the medic."

Nightmare moved closer to his line of sight, scrutinising the other both physically and emotionally. A good few minutes of staring before he scoffed, turning away.

"We're glad to have you back" he mumbled, clearly not used to showing that he cared to others.

-----

It had been weeks since the previous level and fiasco with the Void. While the rest of the team was a bunch of curious cats, Moon refused to speak of his interactions and story while there, and they respected that... Reluctantly.

But Moon did seem to change while with the others. He was more cheerful and supportive, rather than being depressed (Nightmare is glad for it even if it makes him gag).

Moon, never forgot his Void companion, Cross, either. The crumpled and creased note in his cloak pocket now acting as his Ikigai and duty.

*******

Hey Moon. If you're reading this, it means you're safe in the real world. I'm glad you're ok.

This message is also to tell you, that I'm now in a better place and I'm glad I spoke to someone like you before my departure. Thank you for being a kind person and someone who willingly sacrificed their life for mine even when I didn't deserve it for becoming a killing machine.

I have a small favour to ask of you. Promise me you won't feel bad. This was my decision. I almost took up your offer to leave you behind. I'm sorry I almost left you to die.

But with what you taught me in that little amount of time, I knew you deserve to live and show that you can do so much more than I can.

So promise me to not be sad and show your team, the world what you can do. I believe in you.

Good bye

-Cross

*********

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New Moon: Where Moon leaves the Void

Ok the part after Moon falls asleep? that had to be written a bajillion times with no backup cuz tumblr was being a complete douche to me. I finally decided to sit my butt down and finish it off before I lose my motivation eternally

But poor Cross... Tbh I almost made the ending a sad one where Moon takes his own life because of regret but I'm too tired to do that and I have 2 more endings.

They may not be as long but be on the look out for em!

[meetmeatthecoda]

Okay so, I wanted to offer my two cents on that ask about Liz’s reaction in Luther Braxton: Conclusion. This is NOT meant as an attack on anyone—I find it 100% valid that the OG nonny (and anyone who related to them, including you dear Coda 💖💖💖) feels the way they do; they can’t control how they reacted to Liz any more than I can control how I reacted to that ask. Plus like, this is all fiction so no harm done? I purely wish to share my perspective, not ~present a counterargument~ or anything like that. :) Apologies in advance for how long this got. 😅😅😅

I get why you would react negatively to Liz’s screaming at Red, but I feel like?? That incident of all the times she’s treated him unjustly was (one of?) the most reasonable. Now, how she continues to act afterwards (regarding the Fulcrum but also, like, for the rest of the show welp) is 100% a continued bad decision in so many ways on her part and reflects terribly on her character, but her reaction in the immediate aftermath?? IDK, I feel the need to kind of defend her, probably because I absoluuuutely saw myself in her when she did that. I’ve (I shamefully admit) yelled, shoved, and even kicked at loved ones when they just wanted to comfort me but their attempts made me feel cornered and small. I’ve made logically unbased and ethically/emotionally unfair accusations against people who’ve done nothing but try to help me when I just needed something to get them away (literally or otherwise). When I just needed to attack something—take out my frustrations and confusion and fear and anger on someone. (And if Liz was like that, she might have latched onto Red as her target because he was the closest thing—physically, emotionally, and even in relation to the cause of that confusion and anger itself.) I have inflicted real harm on people while in an unsettling or unfamiliar mental state—harm that I couldn’t take back even when I could look back with a clear(er) mind and realize I never should have said/done any of that.

(Also, side note: when I first watched that ep and I saw Liz screaming at Red not to touch her?? I’d actually thought they were depicting her as being touch-averse due to the trauma and/or overstimulation, and I was?!! Like, call me badly coping but I appreciate seeing characters not being comfortable or straight-up being aggressive about being touched, even for just a moment, because that is me 24/7. Then of course a few more seconds and it turns out it’s not actually that?? Liz is just repulsed by Red’s Bad Guyness again apparently?? Whenever I rewatch the ep I still choose to see it as overstimulation though because, well… my heart is clearly very talented at choosing comfort characters for me. 🥲🥲🥲)

So speaking from personal experience, coming out of a trauma (or revisiting an unresolved one) is so stressful that it’s only natural to react explosively—even to the extent of unfairness and unreasonableness—in an attempt to protect or heal yourself, whether that attempt be justified or not. And honestly, I could even make the argument that for Liz, her attempt was to some extent justified. Of course Red would never hurt her, but sometimes a person needs breathing space. Like, literally needs. Maybe for the sake of her mental stability/health, Liz should have had her first moments coming up from her trance to herself. Does that make sense?? IDK if I made any sense there; I just know that while I never could have gotten to the place I’m at now without the EVENTUAL professional and personal support I’ve been blessed with, I also can’t fathom how much more mental anguish I would have experienced if I’d had people who knew me (or like, the “closest person” in Liz’s case) see me in the immediate aftermath of my trauma. Just… The state I was in? Yikes, am I glad only I saw myself pull myself together; I’d have had so much more to worry about with others seeing me like that. That might just be me and totally inapplicable to Liz of course, so I digress!

I’m not saying Liz isn’t responsible for her words/actions simply because they happened while she was in utter emotional upheaval and under mental and physical duress—Red definitely did NOT deserve that treatment from her. He did NOTHING WRONG. But with that kind of complex angst comes the inevitably mixed but nonetheless potent reactions of fans, I completely understand that. Everyone has different experiences and thus different viewpoints, and that’s fine and totally healthy in my book. Still, something about that discussion struck a chord with me—you can (and should) hold someone accountable for the harm they do while mentally unstable, but it’s possible and also healthy to do that without, yourself, harboring anger or resentment against them, you know? I had to teach myself (and those around me) that, so I guess I just wanted to put it out there. Again, I don’t mean to start anything and I’m so, so sorry if I inadvertently have. I hope it’s okay that I came here to explain my thoughts (and so wordily too, ack I’m sorry), and if not, I won’t anymore. Thank you for hearing me out this time though, I really appreciate it. :)

Dear anon!! 🤗🥰❤️ Firstly, I want to thank you for your kindness & respect for other's opinions!! This ask was worded in the sweetest, most considerate way & I appreciate it very much!! There's absolutely no need to apologize for having your own opinion & perspective, especially when you share & explain it so nicely, so never fear!! 😊❤️ Moving on to the meat of your ask - which is in regards to this previous one - you make such a good point!! When you look at it that way, the Luther Braxton Post-Memory-Unearthing Screaming Explosion is perhaps Liz's most justifiable negative reaction in the series LOL I guess looking back from where we are now - knowing all about & being completely fed up with all of Liz's awful writing & characterization in the subsequent seasons - it's easy to dismiss her reaction in Luther Braxton as something unreasonable & irritating & unfair to Red (which, to some extent - as you graciously allow - it is). But - as you generously point out - while that's a valid way of looking at it, it's also definitely worth examining from another point of view!! And I think your point of view (in everything ofc, but particularly in this) is so valuable!! I can relate at least on some level... I have definitely snapped at people, even those trying to help me, verbally & otherwise, when I lost my temper & just needed some space!! In fact, I think that's a pretty universal stress reaction & it's not necessarily something to be super ashamed of (but definitely something to be aware of & work on - a good reminder for us all!!) & it's definitely not a stretch to imagine Liz was going through something similar after being effectively water-boarded & having her memories so unceremoniously rifled through!! And, after all, Liz has one thing we generally don't... a perfect, convenient, willing catalyst for all the negative things in her life: Red (however undeserving of that title he may be.)

(And re: sidenote of touch-averse!Liz - Omg, I definitely thought about that being their angle at first too!! While I don't usually default to reacting that way myself [kind of the opposite for me usually LOL] I know that plenty of people do & it's 1000% valid as a coping mechanism & honestly??? A touch-averse Liz would be one of the more realistic reactions she's ever had 😂😭 especially considering the circumstances!! And hey, no shame about gravitating towards that interpretation bc it's 1) less painful for you & 2) you like comfort characters bc you 👏 do 👏 you 👏 but also?? I can't say anything bc the reason that I like that interpretation??? I love the angst of an overwhelmed & touch-averse!Liz unintentionally shattering Red's heart by completely rejecting his well-meaning physical comfort anddddd I'm not sure what that says about me tbh 😂😂😂)

Long story short, anon, you made perfect sense here, not to worry!! You were so respectful & cognizant of others' feelings, thank you so much for that, it doesn't go unnoticed!! You bring such a good point to the discussion with your perspective & outlook & I'm so thankful you chose to contribute!! I loved reading your thoughts & don't worry at all about the length, I appreciate your thoroughness!! (Plus, we all know I'm hardly one to talk, I never use one word when twenty will do 😂) Please don't hesitate to come back to my inbox any time to discuss whatever you like, I always love a little bit of friendly TBL conversation, especially since the show as we know it is so abruptly & unexpectedly over 😭 Yes, still grappling with that, in case you were wondering 🥲 Anyway, thank you again for your lovely ask, anon, I appreciate you greatly, & much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️