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princesssarcastia · 3 years

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2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer

im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content. im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve. we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in. hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3. anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.

Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer)

A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year. Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s. He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely.

Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined.

Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)

Set during fifth year. Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed. Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.

I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.

blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)

In progress (like, updated last week in progress). Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year. Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry. Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night. hot DAMN do I love this fic. there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”

Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.

Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)

Woof. This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year. like, clinically. maybe someone should do something about that.” Fuck yeah. Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.” You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad. But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it. I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively. The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.

*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic. a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.

☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS. If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one. Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her. All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum! There’s only Fury left. That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack. Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma. Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon. Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.” And then they did!

Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.

Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)

Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before). Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better. Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love. Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?

I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net. Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that. If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons. Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.

☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)

This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it. It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know? It’s one of those. Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975. Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home. ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way. Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is. This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends. If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us. It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.

shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists. If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)

Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether

Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture. Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will. It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it. Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys. Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up. I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.

they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours. I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.

chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)

When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue. He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus. It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left. It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all. But then, maybe it isn’t.

This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”

So! That’s it for recs, for now. These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too. While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors. Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.

#harry potter #hp #fic recs #hp fic #to the authors: if for some reason you don't want to be on this list #let me know and i'll be happy to take your part down #tho i'm hoping you're fine with it because i want other people to read this stuff #and then cry about it with me #harry potter fic #harry potter fic recs

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c-is-for-circinate · 3 years

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So as close as I am to fully escaping Hades for the first time, I figure I might take this opportunity to write down a couple of things I'm scared of from this ending. The story is so good so far! But I have seen good stories before! And there are patterns, right, patterns it's so easy for even good stories to fall into, so yeah, I have fears, and they mostly come down to Hades himself.

(Yep, this one got long again! People seem to be enjoying my game-reaction rambles, so, for your enjoyment under the cut: themes of separation and reunion, predictions for what Zagreus is the god of, and a whole lot of discussion of familial abuse dynamics, how they're depicted in fiction, and the work it takes to change them in real life. Stay warned! Stay safe!)

(ALSO, I still haven't made it past the first couple of chambers in the Temple of Styx, so no spoilers in the reblogs/comments please! Yes, even though the whole post is me going on about predictions and hopes and concerns about the path the story might take. I WILL GET THERE SOON.)

It has been really interesting watching some of the stuff the game is doing with themes of parting and reunion, and how that corresponds to life and death. So many of our social links are about reuniting estranged loved ones: Chaos and Nyx, Eurydice and Orpheus, Patroclus and Achilles. Hades is estranged from Olympus, Persephone left. And every time we leave, or try to leave, it is both an attempt at a parting (and Meg and Than are so hurt by that goodbye, or lack thereof) and an attempt at a reunion with our mother. Every time we die it's a reunion, every time we die it's fun, it's great, we get to go back home and check in with all of our friends and be impressed by whoever made Employee Of The [Timeperiod] and sell fish to the cook and put down yet more rugs. (My Zagreus has something of a rug addiction. What can you do.)

It's at the point where I feel pretty secure in stating that Zagreus is going to discover eventually that he is both life/death/rebirth god, and god of partings and reunions. Both halves of both of those things. People leave each other when they die and re-find their loved ones in death; you go away from one group of people to come back to another; you have to depart to return, and I really think that's where we're going to end up with Zagreus. He's going to reunite his various friends with their loved ones, he's probably going to restore communications between Hades and Olympus and even Persephone, he's going to reunite with his mom, and he's going to come back to the Underworld before he leaves to see everyone up top all over again. And of course the vehicle for all of this coming and going is death, because death is the ultimate departure and reuniter. (This is absolutely a religious concept containing a whole bunch of "oh hey our culture has a lot of Christian influence, doesn't it", Greek trappings aside, but that's fine, it's a game made in 2018 not 300 BC, these things happen. They keep calling the Underworld 'hell' and 'infernal'. It's all good.) Of course he's a cthonic god. Of course he bleeds, because you have to bleed in order to die, and Zagreus has to die again and again and again. That's his whole thing.

Thing is, though, looking at those themes, I am also continually aware of the fact that some partings are for a really good reason. Some partings should not end in reunion.

Yes, of course this is about Hades the abusive dad. I have been talking about Hades the abusive dad basically non-stop since I started playing this game, where did you think this post was going.

There are a few things I'm nervous about, separate but related, and at the core it all comes down to, I'm not okay with it if we learn why Hades got to be this way, and Zagreus forgives him as we-the-audience are meant to do, and Hades promises to do better, and nothing concrete about the situation is forced to change. Actual, meaningful, practical, logistical, non-hypothetical non-metaphorical change, not just for Zagreus but for Hades himself.

Because I know how this story tends to go, in fiction. Fictional abusive parents (especially in fantasy/sci-fi stories) tend to come in two types: 'coerced their offspring into actual murder with a side of physical abuse and optional unethical lab experimentation', or 'this was here to create character conflict, we didn't mean for it to read as actually abusive, this parent just has flaws to make them a good character, we swear!' Hades isn't the first type--we have never once seen Hades strike his son, or anybody, or even come out from behind his desk--which means that the fear is, always, always, in every piece of fiction, that he's the second. That the writers are going to decide that the right response to his abuses is remorse, forgiveness, and one really good conversation. That they don't realize it's abuse in the first place.

And, like. They have to know, right? They have to. They can't have done this by accident. (Sometimes, writers get so close by accident.) They can't have done so well at drawing out this situation simply by going, 'well, people are meant to fear this god, so they'd probably react like this, and I guess based on what I've seen in other stories or vague acquaintances they'd then do this,' and never put the name on the situation. Every single time we leave to the tune of a Hades word-flash, he's being dismissive, insulting, and sometimes downright cruel. He is cruel. They have to know!!!

But oh boy have I been consuming media for a lot of years, and oh boy have I run into a lot of writers who don't know.

Reconciliation is such a loaded word, but stories about dysfunctional families really do love it. Stories based around themes of reunion are primed for it. And of course, it's nice, it ties a happy ending off with a sweet little bow, everyone gets to be with the people they love and the family is safe and nobody gets hurt, but so rarely have I seen stories that show the actual work required to rebuild those relationships in a realistic or meaningful way. So rarely do stories trying to build that happy ending actually let the victim of abuse set and maintain boundaries. The character never gets to actually just cut the damn ties to the thing that hurt them. The character so rarely even gets to be safe.

And it's so hard in this game specifically, because "THERE IS NO ESCAPE", because every single thing about this game says that the story's not over when Zagreus gets to the surface, that no matter what he's going to have to come back. It's so hard, because this is a game about reunions. I am not going to get an ending where the abused kid trying to flee his toxic home and abusive dad actually gets to leave and stay gone, not in this one. And that hurts (I have watched and supported and done my best to help multiple real-life friends get the fuck out of homes like that, and stay gone, I have seen how hard it is, how complicated, how awful, and there are never stories for that), but I can live with it, if I get an ending where Zagreus is at least safe. Where things change. Where they really change.

Which is why I need actual, concrete, material changes in the logistics and power structure of the Underworld for this ending to be okay. Understanding why Hades is Like That doesn't cut it. Remorse doesn't cut it! Because look, even if Hades wants to do better, even if he admits he's at fault and tries to be better, he is still set up in a position as an all-powerful tyrant, and trying to become a better person is hard. There is nobody around who can keep him in check when he starts backsliding, which he will. Even if he doesn't want to, he will.

Because people are people, and it's really difficult to break patterns! Especially if everything around them stays the same. Hades is going to slip at some point, be cruel, be callous, be tyrannical, no matter how much of an effort he's making. Not to mention, it is STRESSFUL to face your own crimes and improve, it sucks, it feels bad. And what do habitual abusers do when they feel bad? What's the only coping mechanism Hades appears to have established for dealing with his own shit? That's right, it's inflicting suffering on everyone else around him. (This is why it doesn't really matter what circumstances drove Hades to act this way, why it can't matter--I believe that he is suffering, but he copes with that suffering by inflicting additional suffering on everyone around him, everyone who relies on him, and that's still true no matter what made him feel bad to begin with.) So then we just get a great old guilt-->lashing out-->more guilt-->more lashing out merry-go-round of abuse even as Hades is trying to change. That's how these things work. And yes, change is possible, improvement is absolutely possible, but the environment needs to change first. The system that enables and rewards Hades for acting this way can't stay in place. Things need to actually change, with people who are around to support Hades in his growth and also check his power, people who have power of their own to stop him. And however it happens, for this story with this protagonist with these goals to feel like a happy ending, Zagreus needs to be safe.

It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if those changes were mostly based in magic and fate and, idk, divine mind-control. (This story has been so grounded in actual human dynamics that a fantastical solution to a realistic problem would feel like a letdown, but if it actually solved the problem I'd be okay with it, more or less.) It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if the responsibility for bringing Hades to heel fell upon Zagreus and Persephone, if the two family members who he hurt badly enough that they felt the need to run away from him entirely now had to shoulder the burden of helping him fix himself. (There are definitely ways to write that dynamic better and ways to write it worse, and I think I trust these writers to land on the 'better' side of the scale, but I still don't love the implications.) I think I'd be pretty into it if Hades took a vacation off to Olympus to Work Out His Shit with his own family, while a coalition of Meg, Nyx, Thanatos, Zagreus, and Queen Persephone took over running the Underworld in his absence. I think we might end up getting some combination of those things. I'm hopeful. I think these writers might know what they've written. I think they might have a sense for what it'll take to fix.

But yeah, I'm nervous. (Nervous enough that I might switch to God Mode just to get through, combat has started getting really tedious instead of fun, I want to know what happens next, and this is a game and there is no shame in making it more fun for myself by making the boring parts a little quicker and easier.) I've seen so many stories go wrong. This one has done so much to earn my trust. We'll see if it breaks.

#Hades game #Hades spoilers #driveby meta attack #C plays stuff #I have so much hope!!!!~!#I have so much fear!!!!!#DO NOT TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER IS GOING TO BE!!!!!

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bossbex · 3 years

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5x05 Reaction

WOW it’s been a while since I did an episode reaction post. I’M EXCITED ABOUT THIS SHOW AGAIN!!!

The bughead walk home. I liked this! I liked how it was awkward. WHAT WAS IN THE VOICEMAIL??? Does Jughead even know what’s in the voicemail?

Varchie walk home. Cute! Friendly. Was getting zero romantic, or even tense vibes. He tells her that he hasn’t been in a relationship since her, which completely makes sense considering he’s been in the army since high school. He didn’t say he hasn’t been with anyone, just that he hasn’t been in a relationship.

Ok how old are the twins? Shouldn’t they be like 10? Alice is talking about them like they’re babies lmao “shhh, I just got them down”

Poor sad Jug. I actually really like this turn for him... reminds me of S1 Jughead which was honestly the last time I really loved his character?? And obviously they are setting him up to be at his lowest so he can only go up from here (with a few bumps, probably)

Kevin and Betty friendship YES!!! HOW is Betty only going through Charles’ stuff NOW, 7 years later after he was discovered to be a serial killer? I know it’s obviously just so she can play the Polly tape which is relevant to the plot of this episode and we shouldn’t be asking more questions but COME ON

Veronica and Hiram... this seems... repetitive... but I liked what happened with her character by the end of this episode.

BOSS TONI I AM OBSESSED!!! And I love that they are all mad about his book, it’s great. “You mean, the Vipers?” LMAO

AND MORE BOSS TONI!!! THEY’VE BEEN WASTING HER FOR 3 SEASONS SHE IS AMAZING

And Archie back to savior mode, we love to see it.

Jugitha? Tabhead? I like their banter. I’m into it. I’m just really hoping that they don’t use another WOC as a plot device for Jughead to get back with Betty. If it happens, make it meaningful.

MORE BOSS TONI!!! I love that Toni has never once strayed from her morals... no amount of money is going to make her screw over a bunch of students and work for Hiram lodge.

“It used to be Kevin and I would sneak peaks through that window, hoping you were shirtless” BETTY YOU ARE SHAMELESS (also I absolutely LOVE a pilot reference)

Wtf is Reggie doing. Will he have a redemption arc? I really hope so! Like that he was blackmailed into working for Hiram and he is protecting his family in some way? Or something? Or maybe they have decided that he’s just “bad” now. His hair is certainly bad...

Ok so Veronica is looking at getting a job as a... sports agent?? In LA?? Ok, Riverdale. Sure. And I guess she’s just done with Chad? Which ok, sure, that guy’s awful.

SMITHERS LIVES!!!!!!!!!!

Lmao of course Monica Posh is back. And this guy just casually has $30K cash laying around? Sounds legit.

Ok I really thought the Betty gun scene was going to be Archie but turns out it’s Polly! Which I am happy to see!!! So it seems like Alice and Polly are bitter with Betty for “abandoning” them... which like, I don’t think that going to school and getting a job in a different state is “abandoning” your family. But it does sound like Betty doesn’t call much and basically hasn’t been back to Riverdale since she left for college? Which is like... kinda shitty. I wonder if that will be delved into a bit more. Oh, who am I kidding, I know what show I’m watching.

Toni at the Cooper house? Toni and Alice team up?? We love to see it!!!

Ok Jughead lying about staying at the 5 seasons and actually staying in the bunker is just the saddest thing ever.

Ok, I LOVE Tabitha?? “I think I’d remember a weird-ass name like that” LMAO. I Also love that she called the guy “pumpkin” in response to him calling her “sweetie” lol. So good.

Veggie comeback?? I miss them!!! But his hair... I can’t get past his hair.

I actually love this plot point with Polly being involved with the Ghoulies and that being what gets Betty passionate about the raid (she had already offered help but now she’s IN)

The Betty and Archie arm touch? “You good?” I CAN’T

Can Kevin ever say a line without being interrupted? That’s just a running gag now lol. I did enjoy the Succession reference though. AND MORE BOSS TONI like seriously it’s so good.

Ok I love how the plot point of Riverdale “going private” exists solely to allow all the main characters to become teachers there without having any teaching qualifications whatsoever LMAO. Sure yes ok.

I feel like Veronica should be asking her mom for help with Chad and not her dad? Wouldn’t she be more experienced in that side of things? Oh wait, we’re not supposed to ask questions about logic of storylines. I do like the Hiram refused her help and brought up the scene “7 years ago” where she compared him to a dog, lol.

Ok I feel like Betty is justified in questioning Polly about lying about where she’s working at the drugs (and since when has she ever done anything sensitively or discreetly?) and Polly is also justified in being defensive about it and thinking it’s none of Betty’s business since she hasn’t been around. You know who’s business it IS, though? ALICE’S!!! Maybe Alice is overcompensating for sending Polly to SoQM years ago but she is all kinds of enabling her now.

BARCHIEEEEEEEEEEEEE I could write a whole post on this. Maybe I should? THE TENSION!! THE AKWARDNESS!!! “Cool” ---ARCHIE WAS SO NERVOUS WITH HER!!! THE SHOWER!!! OF COURSE BETTY CAN’T GO NEXT DOOR AND SHOWER AT HOME THAT WOULD BE TOO LOGICAL!!! THE LOOK THEY GIVE EACH OTHER THEY BOTH JUST FUCKING KNOW!!! THAT WAS SUCH A LONG AND EXPLICIT SEX SCENE FOR THE CW!!!!!! I KNEW IT WAS COMING FROM THE PROMO BUT I WAS STILL NOT READY!!!

Ok I’ve caught my breath... thoughts on this:

This was LONG overdue. I thought it was perfect. They are adults, they both wanted each other, there was absolutely nothing in their way, and the show made sure that there was NO ambiguity about what they were doing. They fucked in the shower, that’s it. Some other notes - Betty twice in this episode talks about how Archie hasn’t changed - he is STILL the boy she has loved since she was a kid.

AND THEN THE CONVERSATION IMMEDIATELY AFTER!!! This show would normally not even have the characters address it. We would have gone straight to the Pop’s scene with no discussion. “Something we’ve been wanting to do since high school but never got around to” I SCREAMED. And their SMILES they are both so happy. I LOVED THIS!!! So we’re getting FWB barchie, great, I’m here for it. You can see though, by both of their expressions, it’s more than that for both of them. BETTY’S LIP BITE AT THE END GIRL IS IN LOOOOOVE

Jug’s speech at the retirement party was really good.

Ok this Choni scene is just lovely. They are both so soft I’M CRYING. “If our love ever meant anything to you, help us” SOB.

Betty is the first one to agree to help Archie, noted.

Uh oh, Jughead is going to get in trouble again for writing about all his friends. Or will he dig his way out of this?

One last barchie moment TEXTING they are SICK

Jughead and Archie roomies!!! I love this!!! So much potential for tension and akwardness!!

TL;DR - this episode was GREAT, barchie is HOT, and Toni is BOSS, this dynamic change up was NEEDED

#riverdale #riverdale thoughts #barchie #riverdale 5x05

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thejudgingtrash · 4 years

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My unpopular opinion: Chiron is a horrible teacher, protector, whatever. He’s as bad dumbledor. He often manipulates children and put them in danger? Also is RR really trying to tell me not one single demigod from before percy’s generation made it to adulthood? Not even demigods of minor gods? If not then why haven’t we heard from them, why weren’t they called to fight in the war so that literal children didn’t have to? I have more but I’m not brave enough to post them lol

Fuck, I gotta check my asks more often. Too much stuff laying around and oh please people! Send your stuff in! Don’t be shy! It’s so interesting to see what’s on your mind! Let’s have that conversation and ask me!! :D I mean a bunch of people agreed and disagreed with my stances (Part 1/Part 2), let’s see how I feel about yours!

Anyway HERE WE GO BOYS! LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO!

LET’S HAVE THAT WHOLE DAMN ESSAY!

Chiron is clearly a self insert from Riordan. I mean come on…

That’s a solid Chiron if I see one. Which is pretty ironic as Chiron’s the shitty teacher who we all know and love. Got something to admit, Riordan? You as a former teacher? HMM?

Hiding incompetence under the disguise of the gentle old wise teacher is definitely something that Dumbledore and Chiron share. Chiron is the old centaur who lived for aeons and helped out the most famous heroes of their times, so shouldn’t modern times be considered to be an easier job for him? He’s barely present, highkey vague and has absolutely no problems with tossing children literally out into the open across the entire fucking US and A to clean the gods’ bathroom messes.

Had the heroes been in their 20s like in the original myths (or even older) it would’ve made more sense to let them find their own ways. It would be rude, but somewhat okay. You could expect adults to find the way and connect the dots. But this is just messing with a bunch of 12 year olds because you can at this point.

Chiron is that supposed sweet teacher that just fucks up. We all had one, you know the one. Seems gentle and nice and but has clearly chosen the wrong job. Don’t know if that’s the trauma of living that long and/or seeing kids dying constantly that’s hitting him in the back of the head.

I have the feeling that people are projecting their teacher fantasies on to him just like step-father fantasies that include Paul. Because we want a guide who is trustworthy, we want an authoritative figure that we can share our concerns with and who guides us to solid solutions without betraying our trust.

But like I said, he’s essentially sending out kids to deathly missions and encouraging deep traumas. Yes, we can partially blame Chiron, but most of the blame goes to the gods who enable and encourage this weird dynamic. Would all of them straight up cut the bullshit and mostly resolve their own issues without using their children as pawns, it would’ve been easier for everyone involved. Additionally, there are many kids in camp to keep busy, look after and care for. I don’t know how many there were pre-TLO but I’d assume the number was in the hundreds? Of course, in larger cabins are camp counsellors that help out and guide next to camp schedules. But since Percy’s the only kid in the Poseidon cabin I guess that thought went south? Percy being the special kid would actually mean that there should be a focus on him unless you’re going for the “I’m neutral” spiel. Chiron knew from day one that Percy was walking Poseidon seed, come on.

Also like I somewhat implied, seeing people die left and right might have impacted Chiron to make him feel indifferent/despressed (could also be a stretch, who knows). Which isn’t an excuse, but might explain some takes. Explaining the same stuff for millennia in its essentials is probably getting tiring.

I think this is the third time that I mentioned it on my blog but showing and telling are the most powerful story telling concepts/fundamentals and you see Rowling and Riordan constantly failing at that which is concerning. Instead of Chiron (or Dumbledore) just simply getting down to the point and telling and explaining stuff briefly, he only eludes, vaguely formulates and it is simply confusing especially for a child in a brand new environment who just lost his mother (if we’re speaking about TLT). This does nothing but add more stress in such a fragile situation especially when a new and bigger threat makes its way.

There’s also the discussion on how much of Greek myth Percy actually gets. He has the basic/ obvious knowledge which many tend to forget. He doesn’t come in with no knowledge. He had Latin classes back at the academy, he studies with Annabeth, he knows some of the monsters. What he simply doesn’t know, is the magic of it all. That is the most confusing part for him.

The actual magic is not explained, which it doesn’t have to be in all of its entirety, but needs to be addressed somehow and gradually.

Percy asking a simple question like how the camp stays sunny and covered 24/7 and how the wardens work and Chiron casually sitting here like you a stoopid one

doesn’t help.

What many people forget: Magic doesn’t erase logic. Even in a magical setting, unless clearly stated, there has to be some kind of logic to connect the dots. It doesn’t need to be a clear cut A to B, but it should be comprehensible for both the readers and the characters in a particular situation. And that’s just not happening for Percy as the character. This also sets up the premise of Percy being ”stupid” which he isn’t. He is surrounded by incompetent teachers and staff that don’t bother telling him how things work and assume that he’ll just manage.

Yeah. Both Dumbledore and Chiron are awfulness in a sweet calm disguise.

Onto part two of the ask. I have had so many talks with people on that exact problem. It simply boils down to one issue:

Rick Riordan‘s inconsistency in world building and setting. The story telling doesn’t make any sense.

So kids are dying like flies before 18 but many are also super famous and in powerful positions? Many are historical figures that made it well over 18? Make that make sense. Also was WW2 supposed to be kicked off by some 12 year olds with that logic? The biggest man made catastrophe of the modern era boiled down to a bunch of fighting kids? No. We all know it. Just simply no. I actually don’t mind the WW2 background but Riordan should’ve given it another thought and be a bit more sensitive…? Like the whole fascist gang being team Hades? Uhh… sure…. nope.

Also the same logic applies to Civil War? You’re telling me a bunch of kids were supposed to have started this stance? Who was for and who was against slavery then? What in the actual fuck? Using children as child soldiers to stand in for these large complex historical issues that stretch over years and show many of humanity’s horrifying sides is just….eh.

No. This whole thing about campers dying as soon as they reach the magic number of 18 are either bedtime stories to scare the kids or toughen them up orrrr my guess, Riordan actually managed yet again to fuck up his own lore.

It’s the same logic with New Rome. You have a whole city full of adults but have a few kids run that bitch? You did your ten years of service as a child soldier and then do one of these?

As if adults magically exit this world. Like is that the reason why Percy’s been 17 for a whole damn decade? Because otherwise he gotta hand riptide in and all of the boys scout medals he has collected so far? Adults would’ve had the experience and expertise to win those fights but it would break the magic and charm of the books that a bunch of kids are saving the world for the younger demographic. Let’s do not forget that the targeted audience of the books are middle schoolers. Makes somewhat sense with PJO but with HOO Riordan really shot himself in the leg. He should’ve matured the OG characters at least.

(Also speaking about the actual myths again. A good chunk of them died in their 20s/30s/40s. Odysseus guided as an old man. The heroes weren’t twelve and dipping by the age of 16. The Trojan war went on for 10 years for example. So whereas the real Perseus lived a longer life and had a somewhat happy ending in comparison to his peers, he wasn’t the only one that made it into adulthood.)

Riordan mixing up his own lore is just a shame. Yes, it’s human and he already gets a lot of flag for other stuff. I also get it as a writer with my fanfic where I really have to scroll up to search tiny details that I’ve embedded and not noted down. Perhaps it’s my inner capitalist speaking, but for I’m way more forgiving towards a free product, a gift like a fanfic, rather than something I’ve paid actual money for when it comes to this. The process of publishing a book is large. You mean to tell me that there was no editor at Disney that bothered to fact check? Riordan got a check from us all and doesn’t even bother looking up his own stuff. A little bit more effort, Ricardo. Please. You have an entire damn wiki you could use to check for free if you’re too lazy to read your own books/don’t use authors softwares. Like what?

It’s stupid. You know it, I know it. And as you can see, I fully agree with you.

#ask #ask me anons #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #chiron #chb #rr crit #rick riordan #hoo #heroes of olympus #my rants #camp half-blood #dumbledore #pjo hot takes

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mst3kproject · 4 years

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Tobor the Great

This was a movie YouTube thought I ought to watch. It’s so bad even Leonard Maltin didn’t like it.

Two scientists, Dr. Harrison and Dr. Nordstrom, are concerned about the effects of space travel on the human body, and so they attempt to convince the Civil Interplanetary Flight Commission (think NASA, but with funding) to use an alternative form of test pilot. No, sit down, dog- and monkey-lovers in the audience, I’m talking about a huge, unwieldy, unnecessarily humanoid robot! Obviously, foreign agents want to steal this machine and turn it into a huge, unwieldy weapon instead of a huge, unwieldy astronaut, but Nordstrom’s grandson Brian saves the day using his special telepathic link with Tobor!

The movie does not believe we’re smart enough to figure out why the robot’s name is Tobor. It spells it out for us, literally and on more than one occasion.

Tobor the Great is a children’s movie – the main character is eleven-year-old Brian, who is mostly addressed by his nickname, Gadget or Gadge. He’s established as an engineering genius in his own right, who gets to hang around in his grandfather’s lab and make friends with this cool robot. He’s what every white American boy in the 50’s was supposed to want to be. All of which makes it sort of weird that we don’t meet him until nearly fifteen minutes into the movie.

Consider some better children’s movies. In Coco, Miguel is the literal as well as the metaphorical narrator – we begin with his voice telling us the backstory. Lilo and Stitch gives us one title character almost immediately, and then brings in the second as quickly as it can to get us to the point where they meet. Of course, you don’t have to introduce the main character first in a movie, but if you’re going to put it off you have to do it skillfully. Star Wars takes its time getting around to Luke Skywalker, but it’s already given us somebody to follow in the form of C-3P0 and R2-D2, who make good audience proxies because 3P0 doesn’t know what’s going on any more than we do. Tobor the Great lets nearly a quarter of its running time go by before we finally meet Gadge, and even more before we get to Tobor himself, and that time is spent setting up what seems to be a rather different movie.

The opening does establish the need for Tobor, but it takes way too long about it. We start with narration and stock footage about the American space program, which is as deathly boring as it always is in these movies. Maybe it seemed more exciting in the fifties, when space rockets were the coolest thing around. Then we get into Dr. Harrison and his complaints about unsafe practices, which lead to his resignation and to him trying to dodge the press before meeting the likeminded Dr. Nordstrom.

These seem like strange things to put in a children’s movie. I feel that a lot more time is spent justifying the need for a robotic astronaut than is really necessary, and the early close focus on Dr. Harrison makes it seem like he’s going to be our main character – but he fades into the background once we get to Dr. Nordstrom’s lab and at the end he’s not much more than a completely unnecessary love interest for Gadge’s widowed mother. In Star Wars the two droids stick around and participate in the plot for the whole movie – Dr. Harrison doesn’t. The politicking within the CIFC is not something children are likely to be interested in, nor is the nagging newspaper man, and all of these scenes are just guys in suits talking. Very little actually happens and none of it involves robots carrying off beautiful women like the poster shows us!

The annoying reporter is a particularly odd inclusion. His name is Mr. Gilligan, which Joel and the ‘bots would have found hilarious. I went into Tobor the Great totally blind, having never heard of it when the thumbnail appeared in my YouTube recommendations, but if I’d read a plot summary or something beforehand, maybe I wouldn’t have expected Gilligan to play a major role in the plot. As it was, I figured he was either a Soviet spy or would unintentionally pass information on to them – but he vanishes after the first press conference, and the question of whether he has the right to compromise national security in the name of selling newspapers is never dealt with. Instead the spies are a bunch of guys we’ve never seen before.

Once all this is over with, though, we do finally get to see Tobor strut his stuff. Nordstrom and Harrison work on programming him to do things like type reports to be sent back to Earth and dodge meteor showers (as all 50’s space rockets had to do), while Gadge sits and watches… and does very little else. You’d think this part of the movie would continue the thread of Gadge being the equal of the adult scientists, maybe overlapping with him and Tobor bonding, but there’s almost none of either. Why set up Gadge as a prodigy if you’re not going to make use of it? At the climax we expect Gadge to save the day by figuring something out, as he showed he could do earlier. Instead he just shuts his eyes and thinks really hard at Tobor, like Ichi trying to summon Gamera. It works, but it’s not as satisfying as it could have been. At the end the movie has neatly avoided almost all of its potential and anything that might have been cool to watch, and failed to give us anything it seemed to promise.

To make things even worse, Gadge is played by one of those insanely cloying 50’s child actors who say things like “oh, gosh!” and “gee whillikers!” I cannot imagine anybody actually talking like this. Actor Billy Chaplin sure makes it sound fake as hell. While Chaplin is a decent actor physically, everything he says sounds stilted and unnatural, like he’s reading it off notes while trying to project his voice to a full auditorium. The adult actors are much better, which just makes Chaplin look all the worse by comparison.

Tobor, on the other hand, is wonderful, in the ‘stupid cardboard movie robot’ way that makes Torg from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the delightfully awful robot of Devil Girl from Mars so much fun. It’s got lots of blinky lights and moving parts, and stamps around with a pretty convincing sense of weight. Unlike some movie robots it actually moves at a good clip when it wants to, perhaps helped by the fact that it has working knees. The movie makes the point that Tobor is a large and dangerous piece of kit at the same time as it’s able to be gentle and dexterous, which reinforces the idea that it would be frightening as a weapon.

My favourite part is when Tobor drives a car. I wonder if the guy in the costume could see anything. That must have been a hell of a day on set.

What you want me to get back to, though, is the bit where the robot is psychic. Yes, that’s actually the premise of this movie, a telepathic robot! I’m not sure how plausible that would have seemed in the 50’s, even in such an explicitly silly movie. Dr. Nordstrom doesn’t expect the reporters to believe in it without a demonstration, and yet the same decade also produced films like The She-Creature that present such ideas with an entirely straight, albeit incompetent, face. Psychic powers as hard-ish sci-fi seems to have gone out of style by the 90’s, and nowadays it sounds like something you’d see in the Weekly World News.

Man, I miss the hard copy Weekly World News. It was so nice to have that little isle of humour in the sea of garbage that was (and still is) the supermarket tabloids. Remember Hilary Clinton’s space-alien lover? Classic.

The function of telepathy in this story is not just to give Gadge a way to summon the robot after the spies break Nordstrom’s control mechanism. It is also a means whereby Tobor may acquire human traits and emotions. How to make a robot feel things is a perennial problem in science fiction… a lot of the time the mechanism is simply glossed over, as an artificial intelligence becomes more human by interacting with humans. Emotions are just chemicals in our brains, though, and the more we learn about how they work, the harder it gets to justify a machine feeling them. In Star Trek: the Next Generation Data and Lore have a special bit of hardware that must be installed to enable emotions, and really seem like they’re better off without it. In Saturn 3, Hector has a processor made of cloned brain cells that can produce their own chemistry, as well as a direct neural uplink to its programmer.

As such solutions go, I actually kind of like how Tobor the Great goes about it, even if the mechanism is silly. Rather than having emotions of its own, Tobor senses and mirrors those of the humans around it. When Gadge is panicking, worrying that Tobor is out of control, Tobor panics and goes around smashing things, thus making for a self-fulfilling prophecy. When Gadge thinks of Tobor as a hero, the robot comes to his rescue, carrying him to safety like a rescued princess, and responds to the anger and rage of the spies by turning these emotions back on them and beating them up. This is quite different from many ‘emotional machine’ stories, in that it doesn’t actually require Tobor to be in any way self-aware.

Unfortunately the movie is not very consistent about this. There’s a scene in which Tobor gets frustrated and breaks stuff after being put through too challenging a simulation, which does imply that the robot has an intelligence and emotional capacity of its own. This bit has a purpose, as it serves to make us worry that Tobor will be unable to tell the difference between friend and foe at the finale, but it just doesn’t fit with the way this machine is treated in the rest of the movie.

Like many others both from MST3K and from the Episodes that Never Were, Tobor the Great has a couple of good ideas at its core. It even predicted how much easier and safer it is to send robots into space than people, although those robots don’t look much like the lumbering humanoids of 50’s sci-fi. Sadly, the film is uneven, rushed, and poorly-acted, and nothing particularly fun or exciting happens in it. Various people over the years have seen its potential and Tobor has starred in a couple of comic books and an unproduced TV pilot, but these never went anywhere either.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #tobor the great #50s #tobor is robot spelled backwards

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writerseven · 4 years

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hey if you're still doing commentaries could you maybe do one on the conversation dick and alfred have in the most recent chapter thanks

I am always down to do commentaries!

This got long, so I will put my rambles about this bit from brother chapter two under the cut:

so when plot was just starting to happen in the series, I actually debated for a bit whether or not Alfred would know, and how much. Ultimately, I felt like him knowing would make more logical sense and feel more grounded, and some version of that reveal has been in my outline ever since I had an outline. I have been waiting for the chance to write that, like, five second moment of one of the kids having a stomach-dropping realization that alfred has known this whole time. I think early on it was much later in my outline and it was Tim? But in terms of plot machinations and where things are headed and characters emotional states, it ended up fitting perfectly for Dick in this moment.

Setting that up was tricky. I figured some people would already suspect, but I still wanted it to be potentially shocking for readers who anticipated a nicer Alfred? I really tried to figure out how to tune that entire chapter to feel like it was building up to Good Guy Alfred, and add in little mentions from Dick’s PoV of Alfred being great/kept in the dark/etc that would set expectations without being too obvious as red herrings.

Honestly, I’m not sure I really succeeded on that, but as long as that moment is still horrifying and awful, that’s more important that being shocking. If I were to go back and edit this series as a whole, I would probably try to set that up for longer to really pull the rug out from under people.

asdfjk I’ve written a bunch and I haven’t even gotten to the actual convo you asked about yet

OKAY. So Alfred doesn’t have a lot of lines because it’s not a very long scene all things considered, so I tried to really be thoughtful about what he did say. Right before Dick “tells” Alfred, we get this:

Alfred doesn't complain, glancing over his shoulder. His mouth gives a wry twist at the display. “Ah, well. You know Master Bruce. It does not matter what logic or decency or I say when he's determined to wallow in guilt.”

They’re talking about the Jason Robin suit display, but that’s also setting up everything that comes after.

“Were I capable of stopping Master Bruce from every foolish idea that gets into his head, he wouldn't be gallivanting about each night to risk his life dressed as a flying rodent,” says Alfred, pushing the kettle back into its designated place. “I can protect him from many things, but not himself.”

And that’s kind of the basis of Alfred’s feelings here. He doesn’t approve of Bruce abusing the kids; of course he finds it indecent and misguided and perhaps, if he can admit it to himself a tiny bit, wrong--but it’s not his doing, and, gosh, well, he’s tried his best to steer Bruce right and you can’t win ‘em all, right?

He’s also, like, super focused on Bruce above all others. Alfred calls Batman a foolish idea because of the way it endangers Bruce, and even frames the idea of stopping him from being a pedophile as “protecting him from himself.” Alfred cares about his pseudo-grandkids and would rather not have to chose, but Bruce is his baby and will always come first.

A lot of enablers of this kind of abuse are romantic partners, and because of the unusual way the Robins were raised, that’s not a far off comparison from their side of things; Alfred took somewhat of a parental role for Dick and Jason especially. But in terms of Alfred’s psychology, I think of this more like an enabling parent--the kind who wants their kid to be good and well-raised, but ultimately just cannot accept the concept of their precious child having done something truly bad. And if that kid ever did, they’d be helping bury the body instead of asking questions.

Alfred's eyes are low—No. Alfred's eyes are averted. His lips are still pinched, brow still creased. Dick doesn't get it at first. But something cold creeps into his chest. “Alfie...?”

[fixed typo count: 1. how am i so bad at this]

One of the most annoying things about describing facial expressions (or body language) is that you can describe it textbook-perfectly for a particular emotion, and still have it not convey the emotion you mean it to. Part of that is that we only have so many words for the ways faces move, part of it is that individual facial movements can convey multiple expressions (e.g. frowning can be for irritation, disapproval, disappointment, sadness, etc), and part of it is that if you’re not using words that convey obvious emotion (’scowl’ ‘smile’ ‘grimace’ etc) readers kinda have to take a second to actually picture what you’re describing before they can discern an emotion from it.

...on the flip side, if you want characters and/or readers to misunderstand an expression, that means you can still get away with a lot of describing.

All that lowered eyes, pinched lips, creased brow could be the sign of someone taking in horrible news and trying to suppress a strong reaction, which is what Dick thinks at first--and then a little word choice of flipping the vaguer “lowered” to the distinctly guilty “averted” and Dick starts to get it.

“Perhaps,” Alfred says, carefully selected words, “you should let it not be true.”

And there we get to, like, the entirety of Alfred’s justification. Love for Bruce is why he lets this continue, but the how is just a straight up I Do Not See It. From a little later:

“There are things in his life,” Alfred says tightly, refilling his cup, “in any loved one's life, that are simply separate from our own.”

I don’t know if this is ever going to come up, so I don’t mind mentioning it here though it hasn’t been explicitly shown in the story--but this is the first time Alfred has ever really discussed this with anyone. Dick is the only person who is fully aware Alfred knows.

If you go back, you can actually see brief mentions in Bruce’s PoVs of keeping things hidden from Alfred, e.g. debating if he could convince Alfred that short-shorts for Robin are a tactical decision. I think I dropped that in the first time before I had actually considered Alfred’s role in a longer story, but I ended up liking the idea that not even Bruce is certain whether Alfred is aware of his abuse. He goes back and forth between thinking maybe Alfred doesn’t know and he must hide it (because clearly Bruce is such Clever Genius Sneaky Man that no one could ever learn his secrets), and suspecting closer to the truth: that Alfred knows, but the silent condition for his enabling is that Bruce never ever brings it up and lets Alfred feign ignorance.

I realize I’ve talked a whole bunch about Alfred here and said almost nothing about Dick, but to be fair, we’re already in Dick’s PoV so there’s not as much new stuff to cover.

What if he doesn't? Dick can say something stupid instead, watch Alfred's face clear and that smile return. They'll go upstairs, maybe, have tea with Jason, laugh and reminisce. Bruce and Tim will return later, change back in the cave, and come upstairs where they can all be together. This little messed up family in the kitchen, happy and unbothered. Alfred won't have his heart broken, and Jason can warm up again, and Bruce will smile at Dick, and Tim won't resent him. And all Dick has to do is pretend he was wrong and never say anything, until he starts to believe it himself.

They could be a good, happy family. The blissful life of ignorance.

I feel WEIRD talking about my own feelings on my writing (because what if they’re completely off base from how it reads??) but I think this was the most crushing bit to me. Dick so badly wants the good family that he deserves, wants his dad to love him, wants everyone to be happy. And, without knowing it yet, he’s basically described what Alfred actually did. Dick is going to push past this moment of weakness, do the right thing instead of pretending, say something so incredibly hard--and then find out it was all pointless because someone else already made that choice.

Sad. Alfred looks sad. Dick doesn't understand, he doesn't understand. It's the wrong sadness. And Alfred's—being—gentle.

“Let's get you some tea and a chat,” Alfred says. Dick means to refuse that too, but the words get choked up and the next thing he knows Alfred is guiding him up that long staircase. That hand on his shoulder is so gentle and the words are so gentle and the pace is so gentle and Dick can't seem to resist any of it and he doesn't know where his—body has gone.

I kind of realized after I wrote the previous chapter that I would never be allowed to use the word “gentle” in Dick’s PoV without it carrying a very specific connotation. And on the bright side, I can just drop a single word and have already established the emotion behind it!

Alfred is now placed alongside Bruce (and Catalina Flores, and the BPD, and those appeared-for-two-seconds traffickers...) He has the upper hand, and has no need to be cruel.

(also that “he doesn't know where his—body has gone” my dudes, Dick must have, like, so many issues with bodily autonomy after all the shit he’s been through, even in a ‘verse where Bruce isn’t an abuser, and I could do a whole post about that y’all)

Alfred gets him some tea. Dick stares at it until a soft sound and Alfred sipping his own in demonstration stirs him to follow suit.

They're sitting at the kitchen island. Dick is sitting at the kitchen island, dangle of his legs off the bar stool making him feel like a kid again. Alfred stands on the island's other side, patiently watching him. Tea. Kitchen. Alfred knows. Dick has the vaguest presence of mind to wonder if they passed Jason on the way up. He's pretty sure they didn't; Jason must have moved.

[dissociation intensifies] adjf honestly I was like “oh no am I using dissociation too much in this series” because part of me always wants to highlight the different ways people can react, but IN MY DEFENSE dick has a canonical history of reacting to traumatic events like this so. yeah. Errbody dissociating.

(For the record, Jason did indeed move and they did not pass him.)

There’s a middle bit to this conversation that I don’t have to much to say about where Dick is just trying to come to terms with the revelation and completely failing to understand how Alfred can not do anything. because Fundamentally Good Person Dick Grayson reigns supreme in my heart.

and then that tension escalates to:

Dick hands clench on the tiny teacup. “He's raping kids.”

“Richard.”

From getting to chat a bit in the comments, it’s not just me, but I’ve always found that initially naming a thing can feel more shocking than the thing itself. Bruce grooms his victims (Dick included, though Bruce never raped him), and gradually submits them to more and more discomfort, and gaslights them, and that sort of slow ramp up can make things seem...less awful, or less definable, or less abusive than they actually are.

I’ve always found things seem a lot clearer in retelling (or, for fiction, in telling at all), when in the moment, in real life, there’s a lot of second guessing and ‘is this really happening?’ and ‘what exactly is happening?’ and ‘is this really what i think it might be?’ And then you don’t want to get it wrong and be jumping to conclusions.

So there’s also a power in my mind of being able to name things? The first time is really shocking and hard, but then suddenly there is this title you can group it under. And maybe you don’t know what to do about “my adoptive father who i love but is sometimes difficult is maybe carrying on a sexual relationship with my not-brother who swears that it isn’t happening and also seems to want to be there, and i don’t want to hurt anyone,” but you probably have a much clearer reaction to “this man is raping children.”

I think it takes a lot from Dick to name it as such--And there’s a reason why that is the moment Alfred snaps. “My employerson who I love has a complicated relationship with his kids” is a lot easier to be willfully ignorant towards.

Finally, the end of the conversation is just Alfred laying out why Dick can’t do anything about it and how no one will help. And also trying to guilt Dick into believing this is for the best. Alfred is happy to have all four of his boys around, and he would prefer that illusion of being whole and happy to losing any of them for the sake of helping the others.

...and, I’ll be honest, that ending explanation is also for me the author to be able to explain it. If you’ve got a purely logical viewpoint here, there’s a question of, like “why doesn’t Dick just ask Diana to use her lasso, or ask a telepath to read Bruce’s mind?” etc etc, and my hope is that it will be clear to everyone that emotion is about a million times more important than rationality when it comes to trauma reactions, and that Dick actually does even have good reason to doubt talking to any of those people would help!

Because the person he trusted most in the world to have his back re: Bruce already knew, and doesn’t want to change anything.

#thanks so much for the ask!#i really hope i am not writing way more than you want #if you all are afraid of me talking your ear off i am not offended by requests for shorter commentaries #alright that's it #♥#anon #7ask

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s-horne · 5 years

Text

27. “Why the hell is there glitter everywhere?” (Steve/Tony)

for @randomstufffromotherblogs

This couldn’t be happening.

Tony hadn’t fought every monster known to mankind, and even more not known to mankind, to die like this. His heart was racing, his palms were sweaty. This was it…

The end.

This was how Tony would die…

He just hadn’t expected there to be so much glitter.

“…why – what, I… what?”

Tony struggled to form a coherent sentence as he took in the sight before him. Tony had come home to… well, he wasn’t quite sure, really. Four years previously – and as a huge surprise to everyone, herself included – Natasha had become the first member of their little group to give birth. She had popped out twin boys, born on the day after Tony’s wedding.

(“The day after by two hours, Natasha.”

“Still counts, sugarplum. It wasn’t your wedding day!”)

That had seemed to act as a catalyst and a few years later, Steve and Tony were well on their way to being the last childless couple in their friendship group. Everyone had seemed to grow up and had started heading off to make their own miniature humans. For some reason, Steve had been dubbed as the babysitter-extraordinaire of their small circle and was roped in to minding the children whenever their parents were called out.

Coming home to a sleeping baby on Steve’s chest or a Lego monstrosity in the living room wasn’t unusual, but this…

Tony stood and stared at Steve as he attempted to process the scene in front of him. The large man was sitting on a child’s chair on the opposite side of a small table to the Romanoff twins; clearly, Nat had been called out for a mission, or at least called into headquarters on short notice, and had required Steve’s services.

Steve was almost bent in half with his knees practically touching his chin, and perched on his bright red ears – aw! He was blushing! Tony had married the biggest dork – was a shiny silver crown. Harry, the eldest twin, had a similar one pressed onto his curls whilst Alex’s, the younger brother, was blue. On the table in front of the three tiny teacups, half-eaten sandwiches and empty bags of chips were laid out. That in itself was okay, but the glitter.

Oh, so much glitter. How was there so much glitter? It was literally everywhere that Tony could see. There was no way that he was going to be able to get rid of that, short of stripping and redecorating the entire room. If his husband didn’t look so damn cute with a stupid, plastic crown on his head, then he’d be cursing up a blue storm right now.

Steve winced sheepishly as he looked up and almost immediately noted Tony’s disbelief. “Hey, sweetheart. Didn’t expect you quite so early.”

“Hey, babe,” Tony replied absentmindedly, his eyes still darting around the room. “Why in the hell is there so much glitter?”

Another wince and Steve bit his lip. “We made pictures,” he explained after a beat of silence. He tilted his head backwards, “they’re drying in the kitchen.”

“Mine’s Chua!” Harry yelled as he jumped up and ran to hug Tony. Steve caught Tony’ questioning gaze and mouthed ‘dragon’ over the child’s head.

“Nice one, dude,” Tony held out a palm and grimaced as a sticky hand high-fived him and transferred even more glitter onto Tony, a shower of the stuff falling to the floor each time the little boy wriggled. “And you, little man?” Tony asked Alex as Harry detached himself and pulled Tony over to the bombsite. God, was Tony glad that he was in his lab clothes and not a business suit. “What did you draw?”

“I did the sea!” Alex sounded so excited about his masterpiece, but Tony took a wild guess that he had merely upended the entire pot of blue glitter onto his sheet and called it the sea. Oh well, who was Tony to stifle creativity at such a young age?

“Are they dry yet, Stevie?”

Two grinning faces turned to Steve and, yeah, that was another reason for Tony’s imminent death. Harry and Alex had decided somewhere along the way that ‘Steve’ was too hard to pronounce, so Natasha – the enabler – had dubbed him ‘Stevie’. How it was any easier to say was beyond Tony, but he couldn’t deny that it was adorable as hell. Especially when it had stuck with the other children in their family and Steve melted to the ground every single time it was said.

After sending the duo off to check on their paintings Steve unbent himself from his chair with a groan.

Tony very kindly reached out to help him up as he asked one more time, “glitter? Really, Steve; really? Did you hate our carpet that much? Because I gotta say, whilst artistic and very, very cementing, this wasn’t the easiest way to get a new one. You could have just said that you hated it. You didn’t need to destroy our entire house.”

“It was nothing to do with the carpet.” Steve avoided Tony’s gaze as he answered with a straight face and a steady voice. “The art needed to be fit for a prince to own.”

Tony openly gaped at his husband, all semblance of coherent speech lost to him. He’d thought would think that after four years he would be used to this, but no. Every single time that he witnessed his husband around children, it bowled him over.

Both boys were fast asleep, tiny heads dwarfed by pillows and frankly alarmingly giant stuffed animals. They’d been scrubbed down in the bath to within an inch of their lives, but there was still a shimmering fleck of blue glitter just below Alex’s eyes, and Harry’s hair was going to sparkle for a decade.

Tony stood in the doorway to their bedroom – because there was, of course, a room decorated for the children – watching over them, marvelling silently at how much his life had changed. Steve came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist.

“I’m gonna need one of these.” Tony spoke quietly but with utter conviction, even as his shoulders tensed when he felt Steve freeze. “At least one, actually. Preferably a whole bunch. Let’s say, seven; ball park figure.”

Steve inhaled sharply and spun his husband around, his eyes darting over the other’s face. “You mean that?”

Tony held Steve’s gaze and smiled softly. “Yeah, Stevie. We’re ready.”

Steve kneed Tony playfully even as his smile split his face and his hands tugged Tony a little closer. “If you want to make a baby with me, you’d better stop calling me that right now.”

Tony snorted, but let his hands lift to tug at Steve’s hair. “You know we can’t actually make a baby, right?”

“Well, Steve said with a bite of his lip, “nothing to say we can’t try. If at first you don’t succeed and all that…”

Tony laughed and leant in until he could feel Steve’s breath tickling his lips, “oh, you dirty tease…”

He pulled away from his husband as the front door opened and Natasha's voice called out softly. As he began descending the stairs he looked over his shoulder with a wink. “…Stevie.”

#I wrote a thing #march madness #stony fic #stony ficlet #stevetony fic #stevetony fic rec #stony fic rec #Steve Rogers #tony stark #superfamily fic #stony au #stony fluff #kid fic

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saportuh · 6 years

Text

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician.

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf”

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for.

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME”

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY,

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow.

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

#finally posting it lmao #81218 #long post -

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moczothe1st · 6 years

Text

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 10: Yarrrrrrrr!

Part 9

Welcome back to FEIV! I was originally not planning to update this week, since my appendix ruptured last weekend and that’s actually pretty incredibly awful to experience. I figured I earned a week off. However, I did not consider one thing: when you’re basically required to keep yourself in bed for 90% of the day, you have a lot of time to kill. After the first four or so days of pain and eating very little, I started playing Genealogy because frankly why not. I did have to wait until I got off the IV, mind you, because industrial painkillers and strategy do not mix. Not unless you want to get all your units beaten to death by pirates.

Speaking of.

I feel like I should just point out that last week they were worried about me coming up north to attack them, and yet they willingly start a fight here, even opening up a bridge for me to reach them.

Given that our army has, at this point, defeated two entire countries, I think we can handle a bunch of pissed-off sailors, thanks. Though the first members of the group actually take their shots by going northwest after Bridget.

This exact same battle happens three more times. Bridget is awesome.

The rest of the pirates do go South, but Dew is holding the bridge and they literally can’t hit him. They’re axe men and his dodging is amazing. So they don’t even try, just walk to him and stop.

Sometimes smart AI is really annoying. When our phase starts up, some familiar faces come with it.

Taillte: Just look around! There’ll be pirates all over us if we don’t get moving!

Claude: Be at peace, Taillte. This was quite the fruitful journey! Lord Bragi has answered my prayers and revealed to me the truth. It is precisely as I had thought. Not to mention, I even found House Edda’s long-lost sacred heirloom within the tower: the staff of Valkyria.

Taillte: What, that grubby little cane?

Claude: … Taillte, please. Try to mind your manners. This is a legendary magical staff with the power to restore life to the deceased. It is usable by only the direct descendants of Saint Bragi. That is to say, me alone.

Taillte: Huh. So what you’re saying is, with this rod you could bring my sweet old grandma back to life?

Claude: Alas, most likely not. Valkyria is limited in many particular ways, and so cannot be used on just any lost soul. You see, all mankind is born bearing a life force called quintessence, which-

Taillte: Yaaaaawn… er, what’s that? You lost me. Why are you still talking about this anyway? We’ve gotta get outta here!

Well. This will be interesting, at least. Now, before we show off our new characters, there is a conversation to be held. Ethlyn, you haven’t made me angry in awhile: take it away!

Ethlyn: Here. Take this.

Quan: A spear? …. What?! I-isn’t this Gae Bolg?! Why do you-

(Yes, Ethlyn. Why do you.)

Ethlyn: Your lord father entrusted it to me, Quan. He thought it prudent for you to have it at hand in case our battles grew too fierce.

Quan: Even just holding it, I’ve never felt so strong! Why did you wait until now, though?

(YES, ETHLYN. WHY DID YOU?)

Ethlyn: With the spear, your lord father also passed onto me its tale… I’m so sorry…

Quan: … Ah. Gae Bolg bears the baggage of a truly sad legend. But that is all it is: a legend.

Ethlyn: But-

Quan: Ethlyn, trust me. Triumph is within our grasp this day. I’ll not fall victim to an old myth. I’ll not let it stop me from returning home. Our dear little Altena still awaits us, and I’ll not allow some fairy tale to disappoint her.

Ethlyn: Yes… Quan, no matter what happens… we’ll never lose each other. Right?

Quan: Ah, you’re concerned about Deirdre, aren’t you? There’s nothing to worry about. It won’t be long until we find her.

Ethlyn: Yes…. I want to believe she’ll be okay, too. I wish I could. But…

Quan: Ethlyn? Come now, dry your tears. Do you truly feel so bad about this?

(… Okay, I’m still angry at Ethlyn over her withholding the Omni-Spear from me the whole game, but she kind of has a point here. Her sister-in-law has vanished. It would be kind of weird if she wasn’t worried, Quan.)

Ethlyn: Yes… knowing th-that Sigurd and Deirdre may never meet again… they love each other so much… why, Quan? Why did this happen to them?!

Quan: Ethlyn…

Deep breath

Okay, let’s look at our new stuff. Simplest first.

Quan now has the Gae Bolg, his Holy Weapon, like Eldigan’s Mystletain and Claude’s above-mentioned Valkyria. It gives him +10 boosts to Strength, Skill, and Defense while holding it; he was already a nigh-unbreakable juggernaut, so take that ‘nigh’ off and you get the idea. It also does ten more points of damage per shot than the Silver Lance even without the strength boost, while weighing only slightly more.

So. You know.

THANKS FOR KEEPING THAT IN YOUR POCKET THIS WHOLE TIME, ETHLYN. YOU BITCH.

Now, the new characters.

Claude of Edda is basically Aideen: Part 2. Same class, similar growths; his Major Bragi Blood (+20% HP growth, +20% Magic Growth, +20% Luck growth, +40% Resistance growth) push his in a better direction for their class, but she’s leveled up so great she’s basically his equal anyway, and he has fewer levels left than her to take advantage of them. He’s also promoted, so he can use offensive magic in addition to staves… but he didn’t bring any, so that’s not much of a comfort.

And his gear at the moment is just plain not great for the situation, i.e. alone with a teenager fighting pirates. The Fortify Staff is the best healing staff in the game, giving a huge amount of health back to not a specific target, but to everyvunit within 10 spaces of Claude. Amazing… but it only has ten charges. The Valkyria staff, meanwhile, is basically a one-use get out of jail free card if someone dies: Claude can use it in the main castle to revive them, at which point it will break and require a stupid amount of money to repair for one more use. So it’s nice to have as a fallback, but if you rely on it you’re going to end up bankrupting yourself in short order.

Taillte is… a unique character. On paper, she’s quite good; her growths are solid, bolstered by Minor Tordo holy blood (+20% HP, +30% skill). She can only use Thunder magic, but that’s okay, because it’s the second-best kind of magic and she can use it up to A-rank, and even comes with the A-rank Thoron tome, meaning she joins us with the equivalent of a Silver weapon in her chosen weaponry class. And she also has a very nice personal skill, Wrath, which turns all her attacks into guaranteed criticals if her health is below half, basically taking her already ‘glass cannon’ status and allowing her to upgrade to a much bigger cannon if she’s willing to take some extra glass on board. And her stats are quite good for her level!

Which is to say, for level 3. When the rest of the army is in their late teens at the lowest.

So, we clearly need to get someone over there to help those two, because Taillte is most definitely not going to be able to hold off all the pirates in her area alone, and Claude can only heal her ten times. But whooooo is nearby to go saaaaaave them?

sniff

Oh, Bridget you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, Hey Bridget. She’s also a little underleveled, being only 12, but she’s a pre-promote like Sigurd so if anything her stats are a little higher than most of the army; in particular, she actually has the third highest Strength stat of anyone in the army, after Quan and Lex. And a low level actually gives her more levels to gain bolstered by her Major Ullur Blood (+40% HP, +60% luck). She’s gonna be surprisingly durable for an archer class, with luck making her dodgy and plenty of hit points, on top of Strength, Speed, and Skill which are already enough to carry her the whole game. The only skill she has is Pursuit, but if you’ve been paying attention that’s the most important one for an offensive unit to have anyway, soooooo.

Let’s do this shit.

Bridget immediately begins moving west along the peninsula towards Taillte and Claude, who move toward the pirates around them to start working on things. Neither is, unfortunately, close enough to any enemies to make an attack… well, Bridget is, but she can’t run and shoot at the same time, and even the best Archer of all time can’t fight at melee. If she gets surrounded, even she’ll be in trouble. Everyone else, in turn, begins to move towards the units holding the bridge, while they themselves defend with all they’ve got.

Yeah, no, the bridge is going to fall. Horribly. The Orgahil pirates are so pitiful in comparison to Agustria that we might as well ignore them and go knit. The rest of the level is going to be entirely about Taillte and Claude’s survival. End turn!

Continues knitting

And over with Claude, Taillte takes a single hit, but survives. This leaves her in a somewhat dangerous situation because she’s fragile and will die at any slight brush now, but Wrath is now enabled and she one-shots her attacker in reply.

The rest of the pirates in her area are out at sea and will be coming ashore slowly, letting her engage them one at a time on her own terms, so. Picture that sequence of the Death Star getting ready to fire, and you have an idea what I’m about to do with Taillte. Bridget continues to move toward them as well, the edge of her movement range leaving an enemy in her sights.

Get used to screens like this.

For the bridge team, I actually don’t do any fighting this turn, because Dew is a perfect blocker, and he isn’t going to take a shot at anyone. Rather: Aideen is broke and his money is maxed, so he can’t rob any of these guys! I have her move forward to stand next to him reassuringly, and he in turn gives her 49,000 gold. I wish I had more friends like Dew.

Much better. Killing off all these idiots would have cost me so much money if I hadn’t done that. Dew will likely be right back to max money by the end of the map. The pirates, in addition, can move very slowly on water squares and some of them do go around Dew to reach other units.

Their next of kin will be reminded of the dangers of swimming. On our turn, it’s mostly movement. Quan and Ethlyn move toward our home castle, everyone else moves toward these dorks again. The dorks in question, mind you, are doing very well. I actually have Lewyn run back towards a castle because I don’t need him to hold these dorks, and his Elwind is about to break from overkilling. Instead, Jamke moves up to take a shot in his place.

For the pirates, this is kind of like saying ‘I send the killer bear home because his stomach is full, and replace him with the killer lion.’ Dew moves forward, continues robbing shit, and levels.

You know, he needs defense so badly I will take this. I have Ayra move up to back him up and soften the newly poor pirate up with her weaker Bolt Sword…

… and of course she uses Astra and kills it. I would have really liked Dew to get more kills, Ayra, he’s about to promote. Please try to be caring of me. Taillte also reaches her first victim.

“You may fire when ready, Commander.” End turn!

Dew… took a hit. From these idiots. How… why! You little jackass, your ability to make me money and your ability to dodge are your only good points right now! You better proc Sol next turn and get some of that health back, quicksmart, or I will be furious. More furious.

I also almost lose Taillte because I didn’t realize she was in range of the enemy, but unlike SOME PEOPLE she pulls off the dodge and destroys her enemy with extreme prejudice, gaining her first level. Not great, but she at least got Speed and since she certainly can’t take a hit, making her better at avoiding them is helpful.

Our turn takes over and Bridget continues to run towards the Dynamic Duo, her rage steadily building. Dew and Ayra team up to take out the first pirate in line…

And since I’m bored, I have Holyn run into this new empty space in the line and smack the guy behind it.

sigh

Holyn, I’m taking a fucking risk by putting you on the front lines. You could at least try. But on the bright side, this does open another new spot in the line for Jamke to move up and take a shot at the enemy commander.

Okay. Teach. Jamke, you ready to learn?

Yup, Jamke has totally learned fear.

Jamke also gets his personal little trinket, the Leg Ring, improving how far he can move each turn by 3 spaces. Jamke doesn’t get a horse, so he’s not a terrible choice for this, but I’m not totally sure if he’ll be keeping it or not. It’s definitely in high demand by units all over.

Erin, off on her own doing her own thing, stops at another of the villages.

Stranger with Candy: Don’t be shy. Drink up! Well, how about it? Feel the might swellin’ in yer muscles! Oughta make yer work out there so much easier.

Erin gains +3 to her Strength, another boost she sorely needed. You’re also probably realizing why I ignored most of the villages on the map; there are a lot of little gifts to be gotten on this one, and I wanted them to go to specific people. There’s still one left meant for Claude, in fact.

On the enemy phase, Jamke provides an assisted suicide and reminds me that all levels these people gain will be either flawless or the worst.

sigh No other combat happens other than some pirates missing Holyn with hand axes, and our turn begins. First, to the home base… Ethlyn, care to not disappoint me for once?

The first magic she’s gained all game! I also send Quan right into the top tier at the Arena, using his new toy. Let’s see how it goes.

Holy Weapons are the best.

Back up at the real war, I continue to break the pirates a little.

Nothing super impressive, but at least the bridge is now mine, so that battle is over and this team can start moving to flank the jerks chasing Bridget. Bridget herself has also reached Claude and Taillte; the general idea now is that she will be their tank, dodging 90% of all melee attacks and slaughtering the occasional archer while Taillte stands behind her doing her best death ray impersonation. End turn!

… I think the pirates are losing hope, you guys, this one definitely had targets to go after who wouldn’t have killed him as terribly as Holyn. Come on, pirates don’t give up! You can’t go out like Agustria!

Our turn begins, and the team that took Silvail begins to reach the pirate fight, turning it from a one-sided fight to a one-sided fight. Lachesis also gains a healing level.

I… really should have given her that Paragon band. At least Dew won’t need it much longer.

He gained a level from this battle, but I missed the stats. +1HP, +1STR, +1SPD, solid enough I won’t have to scream at his face. Aideen also levels from healing him.

… Kind of bad, but she’s gotten so many great levels on this map I don’t really care. End Turn!

… Nothing happens! A sword guy misses Bridget and an axe guy misses Beowulf.

On our turn, Lachesis gets home, and I send her into the Arena with her new Earth Sword to see if it helps her a little.

cue beating

Nope! But the fun part is that now there’s nothing to stop me from just having Ethlyn heal her and trying again next turn, so I’ll let you know if RNG turns her favor at any point.

Over to the west, my two little nukes begin their blasting away at the crowd pressing against Bridget.

Those two sword guys are the most dangerous; they’re not very strong, but are accurate enough to regularly hit Bridget. Most turns Bridget won’t actually be attacking, but I want those two dead ASAP. End turn!

WHERE THE FUCK DID HE COME FROM?! DEEP BREATH Well that scared the shit out of me. I had no idea there was a ranged enemy close enough to reach Taillte. If she hadn’t dodged I’d be up a reset. But, on the plus side, fine level! On the next turn, they both take their shots…

… For the second time this update I missed the stat screen. Bridget gained a level. It was +1HP. I would be furious if she wasn’t already basically endgame quality without any stat gains at all. Taillte is doing okay, though! And then Claude heals ‘em up.

There we go! And better yet, he instantly gains 85 experience from this; Fortify is a pretty rockin’ staff. I start moving the others toward them again; Erin is now close enough to help out next turn, and the others should arriving to reinforce soon.

Though they don’t need it, really, Taillte is dodging everything and its mom. Our turn begins again, and… slaughter?

Yup, slaughter. The enemy phase is basically just Taillte and Bridget continuing their brutal ascent to dominance.

Welp, there goes the enemy’s archer brigade. At this point the rest of the army is basically only heading their direction because I’d like Bridget and Taillte to get some trophy husbands. On our turn, Sigurd and a few others test the defenses of Orgahil itself.

It is not a test they pass well.

The western team continues their just… rampant slaughter, it’s almost humiliating…

You know, barring the horrible level. What is with you this run, Erin?! You started off so perfectly, too! Well, on the plus side, I also realize I completely forgot Ethlyn had Arena levels to challenge too, and she’s a Paladin now. Let’s see how this rolls out.

Ethlyn: Up to seven wins, gained one level: +1 HP

……………… I hate you so much, Ethlyn.

You fucking guys!

……. I want to leave Agustria.

Okay, I’m frustrated so I’m going to take Orgahill now. The boss is nothing special beyond holding the Strength Ring; I’m gonna try to give it to Sigurd, actually, since his Strength stat is actually somewhat on the low end for how high his level is. Luckily he’s a sword dude fighting an axe moron, so it shouldn’t be hard to arrange.

Yeah, this will be over quickly. End turn, and Duvall once again seeks to destroy us with all his skill and power.

See how much he needs that Strength? Duvall should definitely be dead by now. On our turn, it’s… basically… just kind of a pitiful slaughter again, you know the drill.

And Sigurd finishes off Duvall, ending his 27-minute reign as cap’n and gaining himself a sweet +5 to strength.

Welp, might as well end the turn here. Good times. The few remaining pirates all take swings at Bridget and… all hit? How the… no. No. Not engaging. Her defense is good enough it doesn’t matter, and they…

Will not be taking any more swings. One more turn of the same and the enemy army is gone forever, with Erin leveling.

If I had another Pegasus Knight to use she would be so fucking benched right now.

Anyway, there are no more enemies on the map, so from here it’s a matter of just cleaning stuff up. Like this village of ungrateful bitches!

Bitch: Why are you even here? We’ve absolutely nothin’ to do with Agustria or Grannvale! If you’ve really gotta fight, take it somewhere else, you thoughtless sod.

Take a close look at her village in that image. A section is burned, meaning we literally ran in and saved it from being slaughtered by pirates. Next time, we won’t.

More importantly, Aideen finally meets Bridget. Were yooooooooooou paying attention…?

(D’aaaaaaaaaaaaw. Yup, Aideen mentioned her sister Bridget way back in Verdane, and we finally reunited them. Heart: Melted.)

Aideen: Surely you recall me?

Bridget: What? How do you know my name? Hang on… you look just like me! Aideen, huh… it sounds kinda familiar. But where from…?

Aideen: Bridget, listen well. I am your twin sister! We lost you to pirates years ago, when you were just five years old. I’ve searched for you for years. I never lost hope we would meet again!

(D’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!)

Bridget: This is all so sudden… no. Weird feelings aren’t enough. I need proof!

Aideen: Proof, you say? Here. Draw this bow.

Bridget: Huh? Okay, a nice bow and all, but what’s it gotta do with anything? Well, I’ll humor you. So I draw it, and… Whoa! Wh-what’s going on?! The hell is this? This… weird feeling boiling within me… are these memories? Ah, my heart is on fire… Aideen? Yes… you’re Aideen... my sister...

Aideen: Oh, thank the gods! You remember! That bow is your birthright, Bridget. It is Yewfelle, the sacred bow of Jungby. Legends tell that the exalted weapons of this land, such as this one, can only be wielded by a single heir per generation. For House Jungby and Yewfelle, that rightful heir is you, Bridget.

Bridget: Oh, Aideen, come here… Let me get a good look at you. How is our father doing? And our brother… Andre, right?

Aideen: I’ve so much to tell you, too… Bridget. My sister.

Well. That was adorable. And Bridget also gets a hold of Yewfelle, which gives her a +10 to Strength and Speed, along with the natural ability Renewal to heal her a small amount per-turn. Not quite as great as Gae Bolg, but frankly Bridget doesn’t need much help to start with so this turns her from unbreakable to super unbreakable. From here it’s mostly last-second healing and warping around, to get Claude to the one village he still needs to get his holy butt to, and to have everyone else start moving the new dudes toward the arena.

Though Aideen does hit 20! Probably won’t promote her this chapter, though, I have no way to get her home quickly. And next, I trigger the secret event by moving Dew over to the sacred tower… no, once again, no hint to do this…

Dew: Mmm… nope, nothin’ over here. Over there, maybe? Aw man! What a boring little dump.

Strange Voice: Who… are you…

Dew: Huh?!

Strange Voice: … State your business…

Dew: Heh, maybe if I pretend I can’t hear it…

Strange Voice: How dare you… defile this sacred ground… BEGONE!

Dew: Kyaaa! S-sorry! Please don’t hurt me! Hah… hah… what just happened?! Hang on… a sword? What’s it doin’ sitting around a place like this? Eh, who cares? Guess I’m getting’ something outta this after all!

Dew gets the Wind Sword, a magic blade like Ayra’s bolt sword and Ethlyn’s light brand, and it will be put to good use over time. Also he’s an awful person. I kind of wish the event had been the ghost eating his soul and joining our army instead.

Over on the other side of the map, Claude grabs the final village:

Cool Old Dude: We can’t thank you enough, but mayhap this magic staff will help. They call it a Restore staff. If yer allies’ve been put t’sleep or silenced, one cast of this staff’ll get ‘em back on their feet.

See, village of northern bitches? This is how you thank the people who stopped your home from burning down.

Now, the last two things. First arena runs:

Bridget: 7 wins, Gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Strength, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Finn: Up to 7 wins, did not gain a level.

Erin: Up to 7 wins, gained one level: +1 Speed, +1 Defense

Dew: Up to 4 wins, did not gain a level. I shouldn’t have used him.

Taillte: 7 wins, Gained three levels: +2 HP, +3 Skill, +2 Luck, +1 Resistance

In addition, a few of the new recruits have conversations with Sigurd.

Claude: I’m glad Taillte was close at hand. We may not have survived, if not for her magic. More importantly, Lord Sigurd, my prayers to Saint Bragi were answered.

Sigurd: You have the trust of all this, then?

Claude: That I do. As I thought, Duke Reptor is behind all of this. On his orders, it was Duke Langbalt who killed Prince Kurth. The two then framed your father, Lord Byron, for the crime.

(Noooooooooooooooooooo, ya don’t saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.)

Sigurd: As we thought…

Claude: The pair’s treachery runs deeper still. The murder of Isaach’s King Mananan was also the handiwork of Duke Reptor. He feared a peaceful end to the war would end the sole excuse for the conquest of Isaach, so he had the king assassinated.

Sigurd: Is that so… Reptor’s filthy hands are all over this mess…

Claude: Not entirely. In the shade of his avarice, there’s something else at work. Something unsettling and terrifying. Not even Lord Bragi could scry this evil presence, obscured as it was by its great power.

Sigurd: An evil presence? Could it be that dark priesthood? … Wait! What of my father, Claude?

Claude: Lord Byron yet lives, but he is weak. I fear he is not long for this world…

Sigurd: Father… this can’t be happening…

Claude: I’ll hasten back to the capital. His Majesty needs to hear the truth. Lord Sigurd, for the time being, stay here and restrain yourself from rash action.

Sigurd: Understood. I can’t thank you enough, Father Claude. I beg of you, do everything you can to save my father and clear his name.

Sigurd: The villages told me of a woman who leads the pirates of Orgahil, and of her devotion to aiding the poor and weak. That would be you, correct?

(“Also you’re identical to my childhood next-door-neighbor, who has an identical twin named Bridget, so…”)

Bridget: You must be that Grannvale man… Sigurd, right? Guess this is it. Come on. Just get it over with.

Sigurd: Oh, no, you’re mistaken! I’m certainly not here to kill you. I just want to talk. I’d like you to ally with you. We’d love to add your strength to our own, to help us better fight the pirates. What say you?

Bridget: Wait. You really want me, of all people?

Sigurd: Certainly! You’d be a tremendous asset.

Bridget: You’re a strange little man, Sigurd…

Oh, Bridget, You have no idea. Let’s get the Hell out of Agustria!

Sigurd: Oifey, would you please gather our troops here? Now that this is all over, I’d like to ensure that everyone’s alright.

Oifey: At once, sire.

Langbalt: Seize these vile allies of Byron, accomplices to his murder of Kurth and his bid to take over our kingdom! It is the will of His Majesty! No mercy for enemies of the state!

Reptor: To think, he personally put an end to that miserable prince and nearly killed Byron as well… I’ve never seen such a bold ploy! And with Arvis using His Majesty’s trust, it all worked flawlessly! Convincing the king of anything is hardly a challenge, but to succeed with a tale of this scale takes quite the storyteller… and here we are, with the entirety of House Chalphy framed for the crime! Heh heh… our victory is all but assured. The throne of Grannvale shall be mine, one way or another. I’ll leave no pest who dares interfere with me alive…

(……. I’m going to assume Langbalt is loudly shouting to the army and Reptor is just thinking to himself. Otherwise, I got some questions.)

Sigurd: What in the blazes is this?! I’ve been declared a traitor and a Grannvale legion waits at our doorstep to arrest me?!

Oifey: Sire… and to think, the war here was over at long last, and you were about to go search for Deirdre.

(“YES, OIFEY, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME”)

Sigurd: Gah… how could His Majesty believe Reptor’s lies? That my father, of all people, would kill Prince Kurth?! If only Father Claude had reached the capitol before they struck… Why?! Why is this happening?! I fought a pointless war! I let Eldigan die! And now this! What have I been fighting for all along?!

(The one and only time it will be a relief to see neutral units.)

Mahyna: Queen Rahna bade my corps and I to come and retrieve you. We invite you and your subordinates to retreat with us to Silesse, until your good name has been cleared in Grannvale.

(Lewyn’s mom! Finally, our habit of collecting lost royalty has paid off!)

Sigurd: … Queen Rahna of Silesse, you say? Why is Silesse willing to give aid to an alleged traitor like me?

Mahyna: Please, sir. Time is of the essence. The Grannvale assault is sure to begin at any moment now. My Pegasus knights will escort you across the sea to safety in Silesse.

And there we go! Grannvale, our ambiguously evil home, has outright turned against us. Reptor and Langbalt are in control, and the king thinks we killed his son. The only option remaining is to flee across the sea and regroup.

… We probably coulda solved the issue by having Lewyn stand near the enemy, but this is more dramatic.

Anyway, see you next week in the shining northern lands of Silesse, where I’m sure nothing will go wrong!

Part 11

#let's play fire emblem #Let's play fire emblem IV #Let's play genealogy of the holy war #fire emblem 4 #Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War #FEIV #LP #my writing

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thegingerbeardman36 · 6 years

Text

Journal #23

I went to the food court this morning when I got out of bed. I didn't end up drinking a lot at the party, so I was feeling good, which was more than I could say for James. He was probably going to sleep the day away.

I saw Deeg eating so I sat next to him. "Morning, I didn't see you at the party last night," I greeted. Deeg paused to look up from his food, but still had a mouthful. "I don't party. I find my time better spent sleeping," Deeg replied.

"It wasn't so bad, although James did drink a little much," I explained. I wonder why Deeg didn't like parties, maybe it was normal for his people. "Yes, he tends to do that. I saw him leave not too long ago," Deeg replied.

"What?!" I asked. I remembered that he had some kind of pill that sobered him, maybe it helped with hangovers. "We'll have to get going soon, as well," Deeg said. "Oh, we have a mission?" I asked.

"Yes. It's relatively far, it'll be your first time warping so don't eat too much," Deeg said as he finished his food. By the term 'warp', I realized that we were going to go through a wormhole or something. "Where are we going?" I asked.

"It's a galaxy that the alliance uses as a power source. One of the outposts is running out of power, President Kali wants us to investigate," Deeg explained. It didn't make much sense, but I didn't want to annoy him with questions.

We went aboard the ship and took off, once we were in free space with nothing around us, Deeg slowed down. "You will feel a slight tugging sensation," Deeg said. He then moved a lever on the dashboard and we warped.

I couldn't even begin to explain the experience. It was like I was being compressed and expanded at the same time. When things settled, I threw up most of my breakfast. "We're still a ways away. Go lay down," Deeg instructed.

"I'll be fine," I muttered as I climbed into the co-pilot seat. It was probably worse that I was standing. "Up until recently, we just called it warping. James calls it a Rosen bridge. Whatever the name, it's a pathway that allows us to travel vast distances in a short amount of time," Deeg explained.

"Yeah. I got it," I replied. I was still feeling ill, and wasn't too concerned with the physics behind warping. "Not too worry, you'll feel better when we go back there second time," Deeg said. I didn't want to think about it.

We landed on an asteroid with large machines that I assumed were gathering energy. When I stepped off the ship, I turned around and saw more stars than I ever thought were possible. There were giant ones, small ones, red ones and blue ones.

"It's called a starburst galaxy. It's made up of nothing but stars, so draining them for energy causes no consequence," Deeg explained. I was listening, but I was still in awe. "I suspect one of the machines is malfunctioning, we'll only have to call maintenance," Deeg said.

"You don't know how to fix them?" I asked. "Not every alien is a mechanical engineer, my naive partner," Deeg replied. He had a point, I just assumed it was something that every alien was smart about.

"Spread out and look for damage. Sometimes stay meteorites hit the machines," Deeg ordered. I turned a corner and started seeing sparks coming out from behind a machine. I peeked around and saw some kind of creature tearing into the machine.

"Deeg, I found the problem," I said over our comms. When Deeg showed up, he looked around the machine as well, only not as subtly. "Cease!" He yelled as he shot a warning at the creature. It hissed at us and crawled to the other side of the asteroid.

"Come on, press the button on your boots. It's a gravity enabler, we'll be able to walk to the other side of the asteroid," Deeg said. I did, and we walked to the other side. Not only did we see the creature, but a swarm of them.

It looked like a bunch of electric lizards all piled on each other. "These creatures are syphoning the energy. Perhaps we should have the alliance post guards out here," Deeg said. "We should eliminate them before we leave," he continued.

We did some pest control before returning to the ship. The creatures weren't really tough, but there were a lot of them. "Deeg, how does the alliance get energy from the stars? I mean, on Earth, we had stuff that turned the rays into electricity. Is it the same?" I asked.

We took off on our way to the warp point. "No, the alliance engineers find special sets of stars and use the machines to take energy that comes from them," Deeg explained as he sent a report to the alliance.

"I'm not sure I understand," I confessed. "Sunburst galaxies are abundant with stars. Some of these stars feed off each other's gravity, and end up pulling on each other and rotating for a long cycle," Deeg said.

I knew what he was talking about, thank you education. " You mean binary stars, right?" I asked. Deeg snorted then continued. "Yes. These stars end up creating a large amount of energy from the centrifugal force, and the machines harvest it."

I thought scientists were impressive for turning solar rays into electricity, but this was a whole different level. "Get ready to warp again," Deeg said without warning. I was standing up again, which led to me throwing up on the other side.

Back at the Alliance, we debriefed with the Alliance police chief and President Kali, and they decided they would start a sentry duty for the machines. I went to the bar instead of going back home. James was still on mission, but it's nice in here anyway.

Not loud and rowdy like on Earth, more of a club than a bar. Maybe I should go check on Ashr, I wonder how he's doing. On the other hand, I could work on my secret project, but I have plenty of time for that. Regardless, I'll talk to you tomorrow, Journal.

-Regulus

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pinelife3 · 7 years

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What is a labyrinth for?

I've been reading House of Leaves for the last ~7 months. I'm interested, but not engaged: all those months of toil and I'm still only 300 pages in (it is really tempting to just read the Wikipedia summary). The book is about a house which is bigger on the inside than on the outside. People find a mysterious passage which leads to endless hallways, rooms leading to more rooms. An expedition is mounted and the group spend close to two weeks exploring the insides of the house's walls. It takes them four days to descend a staircase. They never find the outside, the house never ends. And as the story goes on the house becomes increasingly hostile and it’s driving people crazy, floors are spontaneously opening up and swallowing unsuspecting alcoholics down into bottomless pits.

Throughout the book (or, really, throughout the bit I've read so far - haha how many book reports have been authored by people who have only read a fraction of the book?) there are lots of references to labyrinths and their purpose. Such a cool word - what's the meaning of 'lab'? Labyrith = misspelt start to labia? That would be interesting. Fingers crossed that that's an upcoming twist in HoL. Okay: the etymology - Online Etymology Dictionary:

c. 1400, laberynthe (late 14c. in Latinate form laborintus) "labyrinth, maze, great building with many corridors and turns,"figuratively "bewildering arguments," from Latin labyrinthus, from Greek labyrinthos "maze, large building with intricate passages," especially the structure built by Daedelus to hold the Minotaur, near Knossos in Crete, a word of unknown origin.

A word of unknown origin... Spooky. They go on:

Apparently from a pre-Greek language; traditionally connected to Lydian labrys "double-edged axe," symbol of royal power, which fits with the theory that the original labyrinth was the royal Minoan palace on Crete. It thus would mean "palace of the double-axe." But Beekes finds this "speculative" and compares laura "narrow street, narrow passage, alley, quarter," also identified as a pre-Greek word. Used in English for "maze" early 15c., and in figurative sense of "confusing state of affairs" (1540s). As the name of a structure of the inner ear, the essential organ of hearing, from 1690s.

This is definitely irrelevant, but in Homer, Odysseus’ stock epithet is ‘cunning’ - the first lines of The Odyssey are: “Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns.” Is this twists and turns because he’s cunning and able to confound people with his ‘figuratively bewildering arguments’ - or is this twists and turns because he’s a terrible navigator and we’re about to hear all about his epic, decade-long journey home from Troy?

Anyway, kind of feels pointless to tell the story of the Minotaur and his labyrinth because you definitely already know it, but just briefly:

Tale as old as time, True as it can be, Blah blah blaaaah Beauty and the beast

After some funny business between Poseidon and Minos (the king of Crete), the queen (Minos’ wife - and also the daughter of Helios, the sun) falls in love with a bull which was originally given to Minos by Poseidon under the proviso that he (Minos) would sacrifice it to honour Poseidon (sweet deal). Anyway, the queen is totally besotted with this bull and decides she wants to kick things up a gear sexually so she has Daedalus (of wax wings fame) make a hollow fake cow so she can get banged by the bull (what could go wrong?). She winds up pregnant and gives birth to the Minotaur - the queen tries to raise him right but he is savage. Because he’s a monstrosity, he had no natural food source and settles upon humans as his food of choice.

Minos commissions Daedalus to build a labyrinth (I presume the Cretan royalty had some kind of family discount plan) and they shove the Minotaur in there. Why didn’t Minos just kill the Minotaur? The oracle at Delphi said not to. Plus, I guess it might have upset his wife a bit. Why didn’t Minos just kill Daedalus? That’d be too easy. It seems like at the core of most myths there’s a kernel of morality tale:

For Daedalus: just because you can doesn’t mean you should - be more careful about the stuff you build. And don’t enable bestiality

For Minos: don’t sass Poseidon

For the queen: typical Greek stuff - all women (even the daughters of the sun god) are depraved liars with bizzareo sexual leanings. Even though it was a curse from Poseidon that gave her those impulses, her shame echoes through eternity (which is weirdly her only cosmic punishment - besides, I guess, being separated from her one true love, the bull... actually, I’m not sure what happened there. One assumes that after the Minotaur thing she decided to hit the brakes on her relationship with the bull but maybe they grew old together, lying in the sun in grassy pastures for the rest of their lives)

If you were hoping that this was the only tale of lady/bull romance from ancient Greece, you are shit out of luck. In another story from Crete, ya boy Zeus takes a fancy to a woman named Europa. Rather than woo her using any of the conventional means, Zeus transforms into a huge white bull and abducts her, taking her to the island of Crete. She becomes Crete’s first queen and has some kids with Zeus - it’s unclear whether this goes down with Zeus in bull or human form. It transpires that one of the kids born from Europa’s affair with Zeus is Minos. So Minos’ mother and wife both had unsavoury relationships with bulls.

That was a long detour - getting back to the Labyrinth: it was built in Crete to house the Minotaur. The idea was that the Minotaur would never be able to escape, and that anyone who entered the Labyrinth wouldn’t be able to escape either. Why not just lock the Minotaur in a prison? Doesn’t have the same ring to it, I guess. It’s a weird idea though, isn’t it - making a really complicated (but still solvable) puzzle and putting something you never want found or freed in it. Why not just make something actually unsolvable?

So that’s the first/most famous labyrinth. Herodotus, a Greek historian who was kicking around in the 5th century BC also wrote about one in Egypt. He wrote a book called Histories which Wikipedia bills as the founding work of history in the Western literary canon (I initially misread this sentence and thought that they were saying it was the founding work overall and I was about to be all ‘ah, beaucoup problemo, Wikipedia.’ But a quick reread saves me from from making an embarrassing mistake). ANYWAY, in the second volume of Histories, Herodotus recounts his travels around the far flung and exotic land of Egypt. According to Herodotus:

This I have actually seen, a work beyond words. For if anyone put together the buildings of the Greeks and display of their labours, they would seem lesser in both effort and expense to this labyrinth… Even the pyramids are beyond words, and each was equal to many and mighty works of the Greeks. Yet the labyrinth surpasses even the pyramids.

Ancient Origins dot net says:

It was named ‘Labyrinth’ by the Greeks after the complex maze of corridors designed by Daedalus for King Minos of Crete, where the legendary Minotaur dwelt. Yet today, nothing remains of this supposedly grand temple complex – at least not on the surface. The mighty labyrinth became lost to the pages of history.

It was actually a mortuary temple, not a labyrinth in the traditional sense of looking like a maze, but it was sprawling, complex and difficult to navigate.The only other Greek historian to see it was Strabo. He was kicking around ~500 years after Herodotus but also reported that the labyrinth was pretty crazy, calling it a “great palace composed of many palaces.” He said:

[I]n front of the entrances are crypts, as it were, which are long and numerous and have winding passages communicating with one another, so that no stranger can find his way either into any court or out of it without a guide.

Apparently the temple was lost over time - Wikipedia is blaming Ptolemy II (who apparently married his sister so that gives you a sense of his respect for preserving the integrity of things like historical sites and the integrity of blood lines) for its ‘demolition’ but he died in 246 BCE so, if he’d destroyed it, how would Strabo have been able to see it in the 1st century CE? It may not have been completely destroyed - it sounds like they perhaps just removed a bunch of limestone columns and blocks.

Fast forward to 1888: a British archaeologist named Flinders Petrie is excavating the site - of his findings he writes: there was nothing but a “vast field of chipped stone, six feet deep... All over an immense area of dozens of acres, I found evidence of a grand building. From such very scanty remains it is hard to settle anything." Petrie also apparently found a bunch of papyrus scrolls - including some which contain parts of the Illiad!

So there was definitely something there. Imagine this though: people found Herodotus’ writings ages ago and are searching around in the sand based on 2,000+ year old testimony from a man who many of his contemporaries considered at best a gullible exaggerator and at worst a liar.

There was an expedition in 2008 - they have a website talking up their geophysic surveys of the area but they might not have found much because the results page of their website was never completed.

There’s a really weirdly specific Wikipedia article dealing with the (figurative) presence of the Minotaur in HoL - obviously some HoL superfan wrote this article (and it is interesting) but I don’t know why it warrants its own stand alone article - it’s not unusual to have a separate article discussing the themes and motifs of a major text on Wikipedia, but this is a whole article discussing a single motif. ANYWAY I like the analysis in the article about how if the house is the labyrinth, the Minotaur is the awful thoughts that crowd around you as you explore the endless hallways - obviously these are different for everyone. SO the Cretan labyrinth was built because Minos didn’t want to kill the bull - that was its purpose. What is the purpose of the labyrinth in the house? (That’s really why I’m still reading.)

UPDATE: have given up on House of Leaves - it’s on the bookshelf and never coming off. I am a quitter. Feels amazing.

#House of Leaves #mark z danielewski #egypt #herodotus #minotaur #labyrinth

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terabitweb · 5 years

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Original Post from Amazon Security Author: Becca Crockett

Leading up to AWS Summit Sydney, we’re sharing our conversation with Paul Hawkins, who helped put together the summit’s “Secure” track, so you can learn more about him and some of the interesting work that he’s doing.

What does a day in the life of an AWS Security Solutions Architect look like?

That’s an interesting question because it varies a lot. As a Security Solutions Architect, I cover Australia and New Zealand with Phil Rodrigues—we split a rather large continent between us. Our role is to help AWS account teams help AWS customers with security, risk, and compliance in the cloud. If a customer is coming to the cloud from a on-premises environment, their security team is probably facing a lot of changes. We help those teams understand what it’s like to run security on AWS—how to think about the shared responsibility model, opportunities to be more secure, and ways to enable their businesses. My conversations with customers range from technical deep-dives to high-level questions about how to conceptualize security, governance, and risk in a cloud environment. A portion of my work also involves internal enablement. I can’t scale to talk to every customer, so teaching other customer-facing AWS teams how to have conversations about security is an important part of my role.

How do you explain your job to non-tech friends?

I say that my job has two functions. First, I explain complex things to people who are not experts in that domain so that they can understand how to do them. Second, I help people be more secure in the cloud. Sometimes I then have to explain what “the cloud” is. How I explain my job to friends reminds me of how I explain the cloud to brand new customers—people usually figure out how it works by comparing it to their existing mental models.

What’s your favorite part of your job?

Showing people that moving to the cloud doesn’t have to be scary. In fact, it’s often an opportunity to be more secure. The cloud is a chance for security folks—who have traditionally been seen as a “Department of No” or a blocker to the rest of the organization—to become an enabling function. Fundamentally, every business is about customer trust. And how do you make sure you maintain the trust of your customers? You keep their data secure. I get to help the organizations I work with to get applications and capabilities out to their customers more swiftly—and also more securely. And that’s a really great thing.

Professionally, what’s your background? What prompted you to move into the field of cloud security at AWS?

I used to work in a bank as a Security Architect. I was involved in helping the business move a bunch of workloads into AWS. In Australia, we have a regulator called APRA (the Australian Prudential Regulatory Authority). If you’re an insurance or financial services company who is running a material workload (that is, a workload that has a significant impact on the banking or financial services industry) you have to submit information to this regulator about how you’re going to run the workload, how you’re going to operationalize it, what your security posture looks like, and so on. After reviewing how you’re managing risk, APRA will hopefully give you a “no objection” response. I worked on the first one of those submissions in Australia.

Working in a bank with a very traditional IT organization and getting to bring that project over the finish line was a great experience. But I also witnessed a shift in perspective from other teams about what “security” meant. I moved from interacting with devs who didn’t want to come talk to us because we were the security folks to a point, just before I left, where I was getting emails from people in the dev and engineering teams, telling me how they built controls because we empowered them with the idea that “security is everyone’s job.” I was getting emails saying, “I built this control, but I think we can use it in other places!” Having the dev community actively working with the security team to make things better for the entire organization was an amazing cultural change. I wanted to do more work like that.

Are there any unique challenges—security or otherwise—that customers in New Zealand or Australia face when moving to the cloud?

If you look at a lot of regulators in this region, like the APRA, or an Australian government standard like IRAP, or compare these regulators with programs like FedRAMP in the US, you’ll see that everything tends to roll up toward requirements in the style of (for example) the NIST Cybersecurity Framework. When it comes to security, the fundamentals don’t change much. You need to identify who has access to your environment, you need to protect your network, you need good logging visibility, you need to protect data using encryption, and you need to have a mechanism for responding instantly to changes. I do think Australia has some interesting challenges in terms of the geographical size of the country, and the distant spread of population between the east and west coasts. Otherwise, the challenges are similar to what customers face globally: understanding shared responsibility, understanding how to build securely on the cloud, and understanding the differences from what they’ve traditionally been doing.

What’s the most common misperception you encounter about cloud security?

People think it’s a lot harder than it is. Some people also have the tendency to focus on esoteric edge cases, when the most important thing to get right is the foundation. And the foundation is actually straightforward: You follow best practices, and you follow the Well-Architected Framework. AWS provides a lot of guidance on these topics.

I talk to a lot of security folks, architects, instant responders, and CISOs, and I end up saying something similar to everyone: As you begin your cloud journey, you’ve probably got a hundred things you’re worried about. That’s reasonable. As a security person, your job is to worry about what can happen. But you should focus on the top five things that you need to do right now, and the top five things that are going to require a bit of thought across your organization. Get those things done. And then chip away at the rest—you can’t solve everything all at once. It’s better to get the foundations in and start building while raising your organization’s security bar, rather than spin your wheels for months because you can’t map out every edge case.

During the course of your work, what cloud security trends have you noticed that you’re excited about?

I’m really pleased to see more and more organizations genuinely embrace automation. Keeping humans away from systems is a great way to drive consistency: consistency of environments means you can have consistency of response, which is important for security.

As humans, we aren’t great at doing the same thing repeatedly. We’ll do okay for a bit, but then we get distracted. Automated systems are really good at consistently doing the same things. If you’re starting at the very beginning of an environment, and you build your AWS accounts consistently, then your monitoring can also be consistent. You don’t have to build a complicated list of exceptions to the rules. And that means you can have automation covering how you build environments, how you build applications into environments, and how to detect and respond in environments. This frees up the people in your organization to focus on the interesting stuff. If people are focused on interesting challenges, they’re going to be more engaged, and they’re going to deliver great things. No one wants to just put square pegs in square holes every day at work. We want to be able to exercise our minds. Security automation enables that.

What does cloud security mean to you, personally?

I genuinely believe that I have an incredible opportunity to help as many customers as possible be more secure in the cloud. “Being more secure in the cloud” doesn’t just mean configuring AWS services in a way that’s sensible—it also means helping drive cultural change, and moving peoples’ perceptions of security away from, “Don’t go talk to those people because they’re going to yell at you” to security as an enabling function for the business. Security boils down to “keeping the information of humans protected.” Whether that’s banking information or photos on a photo-sharing site, the fundamental approach should be the same. At the end of the day, we’re building things that humans will use. As security people, we need to make it easier for our engineers to build securely, as well as for end users to be confident their data is protected—whatever that data is.

I get to help these organizations deliver their services in a way that’s safer and enables them to move faster. They can build new features without having to worry about enduring a six-month loop of security people saying, “No, you can’t do that.” Helping people understand what’s possible with the technology and helping people understand how to empower their teams through that technology is an incredibly important thing for all parts of an organization, and it’s deeply motivating to me.

Five years from now, what changes do you think we’ll see across the cloud security and compliance landscape?

I believe the ways people think about security in the cloud will continue to evolve. AWS is releasing more higher-function services like Amazon GuardDuty and AWS Security Hub that make it easier for customers to be more secure. I believe people will become more comfortable using these tools as they start to understand that we’re devoting a huge amount of effort to making these services provide useful, actionable information for customers, rather than just being another set of logs to look at. This will allow customers to focus on the aspects of their organization that deliver business value, while worrying less about the underlying composition of services.

At the moment, people approach cloud security by applying a traditional security mindset. It’s normal to come to the cloud from a physical environment, where you could touch and see the servers, and you could see blinking lights. This background can color the ways that people think about the cloud. In a few years’ time, as people become more comfortable with this new way of thinking about security, I think customers will start to come to us right out of the gate with questions like, “What specifics services do I need, and how do I configure them to make my environment better?”

You’ve been involved in putting together the Security track at the upcoming AWS summit in Sydney. What were you looking for as you selected session topics?

We have ten talks in the “Secure” track, and we’ve selected topics to address as many customer needs as possible. That means sessions for people who are just getting started and have questions like, “What foundational things can I turn on to ensure I start my cloud journey securely?” It also means sessions for people who are very adept at using cloud services and want to know things like, “How do I automate incidence response and forensics?” We’ve also talked to people who run organizations that don’t even have a security team—often small startups—who want to get their heads wrapped around cloud security. So, hopefully we have sessions that appeal to a range of customers.

We’re including existing AWS customers in nine out of the ten talks. These customers fall across the spectrum, from some of our largest enterprise customers to public sector, startups, mid-market, and financial services. We’ve tried to represent both breadth and depth of customer stories, because we think these stories are incredibly important. We had a few customers in the track last year, and we got a great response from the audience, who appreciated the chance to hear from peers, or people in similar industries, about how they improved their security posture on AWS.

What do you hope people gain from attending the “Secure” track?

Regardless of the specific sessions that people attend, I want them walk away saying, “Wow, I can do this in my organization right now.” I want people to see the art of the possible for cloud security. You can follow the prescriptive advice from various talks, go out, and do things for your organization. It shouldn’t be some distant, future goal, either. We offer prescriptive guidance for what you can do right now.

Say you’re in a session about secrets management. We might say, This is the problem we’re talking about, this is how to approach it using AWS Identity and Access Management (IAM) roles, and if you can’t use AWS IAM roles, here how to use AWS Secrets Manager. Next, here’s a customer to talk about how they think of secrets management in a multi-account environment. Next, here are a bunch of different use cases. Finally, here are the places you can go for further information, and here’s how you can get started today.” My hope is that the talk inspires people to go and build and be more secure immediately. I want people to leave the Summit and immediately start building.

We’re really proud of the track. We’ve got a range of customer perspectives and a range of topics that hopefully covers as much of the amazing breadth of cloud security as we can fit into ten talks.

Sometimes you make music and post it to Soundcloud. Who are your greatest musical influences?

Argh. There are so many. I went through a big Miles Davis phase, more from listening than in any way capable of being that good. I also draw inspiration from shouty English punk bands like the Buzzcocks, plus quite a lot of hip-hop. That includes both classic hip-hop like De La Soul or A Tribe Called Quest and more recent stuff like Run the Jewels. They’re an American band out of Atlanta who I listen to quite a lot at the moment. There are a lot of different groups I could point to, depending on mood. I’ve been posting my music to Soundcloud for ten years or so. Long enough that I should be better. But it’s a journey, and of course time is a limiting factor—AWS is a very busy place.

We understand that you’ve switched from playing cricket to baseball. What turned you into a baseball fan?

I moved from Sydney to Melbourne. In Sydney, the climate is okay for playing outdoor cricket in the winter. But in Melbourne, it’s not really a winter sport. I was looking for something to do, so I started playing winter baseball with a local team. The next summer, I played both cricket and baseball—they were on different days—but it became quite confusing because there are some fundamental differences. I ended up enjoying baseball more, and it took a bit less time. Cricket is definitely a full day event. Plus, one of the great things about baseball is that as a hitter you’re sort of expected to fail 60% of the time. But you get another go. If you’re out at cricket, that is it for your day. With baseball, you’re engaged for a lot longer during the game.

The AWS Security team is hiring! Want to find out more? Check out our career page.

Want more AWS Security how-to content, news, and feature announcements? Follow us on Twitter.

Paul Hawkins

Paul has more than 15 years of information security experience with a significant part of that working with financial services. He works across the range of AWS customers from start-ups to the largest enterprises to improve their security, risk, and compliance in the cloud.

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Go to Source Author: Becca Crockett AWS Security Profiles: Paul Hawkins, Security Solutions Architect Original Post from Amazon Security Author: Becca Crockett Leading up to AWS Summit Sydney, we’re sharing our conversation with Paul Hawkins, who helped put together the summit’s “Secure” track, so you can learn more about him and some of the interesting work that he’s doing.

#Amazon Security

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petsupplyandmore · 5 years

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How To Get Cat Urine Odor Out

You discover it nearly instantly.

Fewer issues are extra putrid than the scent of cat urine the place it’s not imagined to be.

You’ve cleaned a bunch of different messes, and your cleansing merchandise have by no means failed you, so why is it that cat urine is so exhausting to get out?

Though 35 % of American households personal at the very least one cat, totaling as much as practically 37 million, there’s one factor all of us cat proprietor can agree on—the scent is god-awful.

The tough job of eliminating the odor and stain of their urine from anyplace however their litter field is among the only a few downsides of proudly owning a cat.

In case your cleansing merchandise have failed you, you then’re in luck as a result of at PetHairPatrol we have now discovered some nice strategies on getting cat urine out.

Why Is The Odor So Sturdy?

There’s nothing fairly like when the scent of cat pee hits you within the face upon coming into a room. For those who’re something like me, you then’ve positively puzzled why cleansing cat urine is by some means 100 occasions tougher than every other mess.

There are a few causes.

Firstly, your cleaner is most certainly not particularly designed to tackle this distinctive sort of a multitude. Secondly, it’s as a result of cat urine is exclusive and cussed.

Cat urine is exclusive as a result of cats have much less water of their our bodies (and so in flip, their urine). This will all be traced again to earlier than cats have been domesticated after they lived in dry environments. Since water is uncommon, cats trusted getting water from their meals and have become somewhat environment friendly at saving each final drop of water.

Principally, because of this with much less water, there’s extra room for the odor-causing compounds. You understand how water dilutes most substances, like a cleaner or a cocktail? It’s the identical case with our bodily fluids.

So, when a cat urinates anyplace however the litter field, you’ve most likely skilled the hardship with getting the odor utterly out.

Right here’s why: When cat pee settles right into a floor like a carpet, just a few issues begin to occur.

First, there are already-present micro organism which launch ammonia. Then, it releases one thing referred to as mercaptans, which is similar stuff that offers skunks their horrid spray and has been described to match the scent of sulfur gasoline.

The feline pheromone current in cat’s urine is the primary wrongdoer, although. Naturally odorless to people, it turns into a pungent drawback when settling in your carpet. Often, micro organism and home cleaners can remedy the urine scent, however due to this pheromone, your job simply received much more tough.

When cleansing cat urine, it’s vital to purchase a cleaner that’s particular to cat urine. These cleaners are made to interrupt down the crystals (feline pheromone) first which makes spot-cleaning simpler and efficiently odor-free.

Why Is Kitty Going Exterior The Field?

You need to do away with the cat urine scent for apparent causes.

For those who resort to discovering an affordable approach to cowl it up, your cat will nonetheless scent it and discuss with that very same spot as its rest room—resulting in a lot worse future issues and a nasty behavior.

You’ll want to utterly do away with the compounds and crystals with the correct cleaner, so Kitty doesn’t return.

In contrast to canine, cats don’t simply have potty “accidents” except there’s one thing critically improper. Cats are naturally drawn to litter and utilizing a non-public house to go, so in case your cat is persistently going the place she shouldn’t, there could also be an underlying well being subject.

“Something that adjustments a cat’s feeling of wellbeing can create a change in habits, and in cats, which means litter field behavior adjustments,” says Dr. Cathy Lund of Kitty Metropolis, a feline-only veterinarian.

Listed below are some explanation why Kitty could be going outdoors of her field.

Well being Points: Sadly, our feline companions can turn out to be plagued with quite a few well being points like bladder stones, a urinary blockage, or cystitis.

In some instances, your vet will be capable to prescribe Fluffy a particular urinary meals that ought to assist clear up any blockage points.

Typically this isn’t all the time the case; these will be life-threatening sicknesses that require fast emergency medical consideration.

Massive Adjustments: Life strikes quick, and we are able to’t hit the pause button only for our furry pals. Sadly, cats don’t like change.

Whether or not you’ve just lately moved, adopted a brand new pet, or welcomed a brand new member of the family, she might present some displeasure by doing her enterprise outdoors of the litter field.

It’s vital to offer your cat a while and house so she will get used to the brand new environment. You may need to take into account selecting up some calming treats or catnip so she will calm down naturally. Additionally make sure that Kitty nonetheless has a chosen “cat” spot, like her condominium.

Choosy In regards to the Field: If the field is just not clear sufficient, sufficiently big, simply accessible, or doesn’t have the “proper” sort of litter, Kitty will let you already know.

Wouldn’t you too desire a pleasant, clear rest room as a substitute of a uncared for public restroom?

It’s attainable that the litter is just not comfy on Kitty’s ft, so she is displaying disdain for it. Altering the cat litter sort you might be utilizing may do the trick. These are among the finest manufacturers of non-tracking cat litter that cats – and house owners – love.

The issue may be a litter field that your cat finds uncomfortable. Attempt to swap to a bigger or extra open field, so she has loads of house to get in, transfer round, and get out. You may also need to take into account a self-cleaning litter field that helps you retain these odors at bay.

It’s additionally attainable that she dislikes the situation of the field. Attempt to hold it in a non-public and quiet space with out an excessive amount of foot visitors. Cats and people will not be too completely different on this method!

At-Dwelling Cleaners

Surprisingly, it’s easy to make your individual cat urine remover. First, attempt to blot up as a lot of the urine you possibly can, particularly if it’s in a porous floor.

White vinegar is present in nearly all people’s pantry and acts as an incredible cleansing agent for family messes. Vinegar naturally deodorizes and lifts micro organism current in cat urine from the floor.

Right here’s a well-liked white vinegar concoction that’s nice for carpets and fabric:

¼ cup of white vinegar 1 quart of water

Make sure to not use vinegar on hardwood flooring or marble. It can etch the end and harm the fabric.

For those who really feel like mixing it up or should clear up a unique sort of floor, right here is one other reliable recipe:

2 teaspoons of baking soda 2 drops of dishwashing cleaning soap 2 cups of hydrogen peroxide

Combine these substances in a bowl collectively, and comply with these instructions:

Gently stir till the baking soda is blended in easily Blot any extra cat urine if attainable Pour the combination onto the spot and try to cowl utterly This half is vital: permit the combination to soak utterly into the mess. You don’t have to blot or scrub. Go away the substance alone for a full 24 hours Take a fabric, towel, or paper towel to frivolously blot the realm Enable the realm to air dry. If it’s a carpeted space, then you possibly can vacuum to suck up any extra liquid.

Enzyme Cleaners

When shopping for a cat urine cleaner, keep away from merchandise with ammonia. Like talked about earlier than, ammonia is already current in cat urine, so this scent is mainly asking your feline good friend to return again and mark the spot once more.

What you do need is a product with an enzymatic formulation. An enzyme cleaner is completely different than every other cleaner as a result of it doesn’t raise dust like detergents, abrasives, or degreasers.

Enzyme cleaners mainly digest the stain and odor, so to talk—the longer it sits on the spot, the higher likelihood you could have of being stain and odor-free.

Enzyme cleaners are additionally nice for grease, grime, and different unsatisfying stains and odors. So in case your common cleaners will not be fixing your issues, discover an enzyme-based formulation that you just like and keep it up!

To make use of enzyme cleaners comply with these steps:

Evenly blot the dirty floor with a paper towel or hand-cloth Generously spray the enzymatic formulation, utterly protecting and soaking the dirty space Wait between 10 minutes to in a single day if the stain is particularly harsh. Go do some chores or go see a film! Blot, wipe or scrub away

When Accidents Occur…

We love our feline companions, however we don’t love their urine.

You’ll want to take into account all the opposite causes that Fluffy won’t be utilizing her litter field and take her to the vet if it’s a steady drawback. Attempt a brand new litter field, litter, or perhaps a contemporary spot for her to go.

When an accident happens, these are sure-fire methods to assist maintain any odors or stains which will include Fluffy. Simply use these methods to ensure your house smells contemporary and welcoming.

Writer Bio:

Matt Clayton

“Matt is the founding father of PetHairPatrol.com. He lives in New York along with his two golden retrievers: Ben and Jerry. As soon as he opened a carton of yogurt, and instantly there was a canine hair inside. That’s when he determined to seek out the very best methods to do away with pet hair and begin a web site to share his information. He has researched and reviewed tons of of merchandise that make it easier to hold your house clear – even when you could have furry roomies. He loves operating and Italian pizza. He hates pigeons. And clearly, pet hair!”

https://www.fb.com/Pethairpatrol-126132711437246/

from Pet Supply and More http://petsupplyandmore.com/index.php/2019/03/11/how-to-get-cat-urine-odor-out/

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kingmindint · 6 years

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Interview: Halsey Minor on Transforming the Video World with VideoCoin [Part 1]

Halsey Minor is a serial entrepreneur with a resume that will make any startup nerd’s head spin.

The bulk of Halsey’s entrepreneurial experience comes from building, innovating, and investing in the then-nascent Internet world. Halsey is widely regarded as a pioneer of the Internet world, and has thrown his gauntlet into the rapidly-developing blockchain world. Halsey’s notable accomplishments, accolades, and experiences include:

Founder of CNET, one of the first media sites to publish technology and consumer electronics reviews, news, articles, podcasts, videos, and blogs in 1994. During Minor’s eight-year leadership, CNET became one of the Internet’s first profitable companies. Halsey led the site to become a NASDAQ 100 company, and it was eventually acquired by CBS Corporation for $1.8 billion in 2008.

Co-founder and early investor of Salesforce.com, investing $19.5 million in 1999. Halsey worked closely with John Dillon and Marc Benioff. Halsey was the second-largest shareholder when Salesforce.com IPO’d in 2004 with a 10% stake.

Briefly collaborated with Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of Amazon’s, as per this 1999 relic Wired article.

Halsey spun off CNETs technology to a web-publishing software company called Vignette in 1997 and acquired a 33% stake. Vignette would later become one of the most successful IPOs in the following tech boom and had a market cap of around $26 billion.

Halsey provided seed funding for the music service Rhapsody in 1998.

Halsey sold Grand Central Communications to Google in 2007.

Founded Uphold, a digital money exchange service and early Coinbase competitor in 2014.

Founded LivePlanet, an end-to-end capture, distribution, and monetization system for immersive video.

In November 2017, Halsey launched VideoCoin, a blockchain-based project aimed at building video infrastructure for the blockchain-enabled Internet.

What is VideoCoin?

VideoCoin recently closed their pre-ICO fundraising round and beat their goal of $35,000,000.

In broad strokes, VideoCoin is a distributed computing project that aims at storing, encoding, and streaming video at an affordable, efficient, and sustainable rate. VideoCoin aims to utilize unused or underutilized computers in data centers to facilitate the powering of the network.

Halsey’s project will rival cloud-based video processing providers such as Amazon Web Services and provide the same services at an estimated 60% to 80% discount, while also providing video producers the ability to build their own apps within the VideoCoin ecosystem.

Editor’s note: Getting the chance to interview Halsey Minor was awesome, and we made sure to ask a variety of questions that allowed him to shed light on different aspects of the cryptocurrency world from his unique series of high-level experiences. Questions highlighted in italics and bold were shortened to save readers from our interviewer’s (my) rambling.

This is the first part of a two-part interview and primarily focuses on Halsey Minor’s new project VideoCoin, how he applied his experiences founding CNET and co-founding Salesforce.com apply to blockchain entrepreneurship, and how Halsey sees the future development of the video industry.

The second part of the interview contains dialogue around innovation and entrepreneurship with new technologies, problems with the current banking system, regulation, the global landscape, and how the cryptocurrency industry contrasts with the Internet industry in the mid to late 90s.

Alex: Could you tell me a little bit more about VideoCoin? Why did you guys start? What’s VideoCoin seeking to solve in the next year or two?

Halsey: Let me give you the history.

I’ve done a bunch of things you’re probably familiar with and a lot of them have involved launching platforms.

When I started CNET, there was no web publishing software. I created the companies and then wanted out. I kept 35% of it. They became the leading publishing company and an 11-billion-dollar company. I left CNET to help John Dylan and then Marc [Benioff] build Salesforce. Marc came to me and I was looking at buying CRM software and saw all the problems in the industry. I ended up putting $19 1/2 million dollars and leaving to basically help build the company for the next four and a half years. A lot of these things have been sort of an outgrowth of a lot of the businesses that I’ve started, maybe even all of them have been outgrowths of specific needs that I’ve had.

Just in this industry in general, just for background, I started my first company in crypto in 2013. It’s called Uphold. It’s a CoinBase competitor. It’s a great product. One of the few companies that are connected to the US banking systems so you can connect your bank account. It’s very profitable, it’s been very successful. It’s not as big as CoinBase but I ran that for two and a half years. There was so much regulatory stuff, it just drives me crazy. I brought an investor in as a CEO.

Uphold’s home page.

I left to build a VR video company called Live Planet. We have our own camera, we have our own cloud, we have our own software. The cloud ingests this video, which is really kind of 4K video. Then it has to process it to send it to Facebook or to YouTube or to Samsung Galaxy Gear or to Oculus.

And so, a single file that’s ingested, coming from the 4K camera, spins up hundreds of processes for encoding the video. Just as a kind of data point, if we took one of our cameras in and ran it for an entire month, 24/7, that our costs, just using our Google infrastructure, would be about $30,000.

Live Planet’s home page.

So, the company is called Live Planet because the idea is to put these cameras everywhere. From zoos to theaters until you could essentially drop into any location around the world because these cameras are streaming live. In order to build the cloud, I’d hired Devadutta Ghat, who built Intel’s video streaming cloud, which they sold to Facebook. He built the software, he ran the data center and he did not go to Facebook with the acquisition. He’s one of the few people in the last 10 years who actually built a video streaming cloud. And by that, I mean encoding, which is all the processing part, the storage, and the streaming. We’re an interesting company in that we’ve got, in my case, very deep crypto experience going back to 2012 and a highly profitable business and very deep in experience in video.

[Editor’s note: this is really f*cking cool.]

I’ve been someone who’s always been fairly attuned to changes in the architecture of competing. I actually started CNET in 1993 as an internet company. We actually launched the website in April of 1995. So, it was very, very early. The architecture of the Internet as compared to AOL and all those other services, it seemed like the next logical step. When Marc came to me with Salesforce, the idea of getting rid of client-server software and building a centralized hub made a huge amount of sense in terms of cost.

What attracted you to Bitcoin and cryptocurrency?

It took me honestly a couple of years. I saw Bitcoin and other currencies as a way of forming a new kind of payment system. I have to admit, for a while, I really thought that the blockchain was really a technology looking for a solution. It took me probably about, really until 2016 or 2017 when I started to think about it as things like Ethereum started coming out. I started realizing that it’s actually an entirely new architecture for computing. In the simplest form, it just allows computing to be turned into a commodity in the same way that Uber has turned cars into commodities and Airbnb has turned homes into commodities.

It does that because it could do three things. It can prove that a computer has resources, it can prove that the computer has used resources, and then you have a ubiquitous payment system that doesn’t require money to be moved from border to border. I don’t have to pay our miners in China in yuan.

We started using these new payment systems. Two other parts that were sort of key catalysts was one, realizing that there’s 20% to 30% of servers that sit in data centers that are totally unused. They’re called zombies. If they were to mine bitcoin or some other currency, they would need to buy special cards, but all computers have a video encoder.

Every computer that’s sitting can do VideoCoin mining. So, you’ve got these huge resources that are out there. You have the ability now to compensate them across borders.

Video itself is going through a rapid transformation. It is itself at an inflection point. You’ve got the HD going to 4K going to HK and then you’ve got things like VR video, which we know very well. That’s really going from video being something you watch to life you experience.

VideoCoin home page.

All of this has led to video now being 80% of the Internet and growing at a 25% compounded annual rate. It’s really made it very difficult for large media companies to deal with the costs of this transformation of consumption going from broadcast, which is basically costless, to being forced to connect to all of these consumers directly over the Internet and pay all these fees.

The last thing I’ll just throw in is that all of these media companies who are spending all this money on video, they’re mostly paying Amazon and Google, both of whom are their direct competitors. The only business that Amazon has that makes money is AWS and that’s the business they’re playing into.

Jeff Bezos is famous for saying that other people’s margin is his opportunity. Amazon has never actually had a profitable business. Everybody has been Amazon’s opportunity. The problem now, for the first time, Amazon has something to protect. AWS is 3/4’s or 4/5ths of the valuation of Amazon. They make a ton of money and you’ve gotten media companies who have rapidly escalating costs of video because video has gone from being delivered by satellite or cable to being delivered one to one over streaming and media companies.

You were talking about video itself as an inflection point. Do you guys have any plans to go beyond just the infrastructure of creating the VideoCoin system which is already awesome and I’m sure will have a lot of far-reaching effects on the industry? Do you guys have anything planned for onboarding more people to use video and your platform?

I’ll tell you a brief story about Salesforce. Marc Benioff started Salesforce, but he moved to Hawaii and for 13 1/2 years, John Dillon ran it. I lived in San Francisco and spent a lot of time with John. Mark was going to start something called Database.com. Database.com was going to be the cloud. I said to Marc, look, I just put $19.5 million dollars in this company for you to make Salesforce the CRM company and you go and build the cloud as another company. You should take your CRM app and just generalize it and build a cloud. This is part of a larger discussion that ultimately had him coming back and becoming CEO about three years into the life of a company.

What we’ve done is we built this app that ingests large amounts of video and is capable of taking that video and transforming the format to everything from Youtube360, Facebook360 to Oculus Rift, for instance. A huge amount of processing. The way I look at it is we’ve built our first app. That gives us a huge amount of knowledge because a lot of coins today, they’re building these theoretical solutions. They don’t actually know a specific use case that they’re solving for. We know one.

Here’s what happened at Salesforce. I built web publishing software because I knew exactly what I needed to build and that helped everybody else in the industry. One thing to point out was in the early days of Salesforce, everybody said, hey, it’s cheaper. What I did, there will be an ecosystem that will develop around Salesforce and Salesforce will end up being far more innovative than the software you’re buying for client server.

While it’s not apparent early on that it’s more innovative, there’s just a lower cost. That’s what ends up happening. So, I think that because we have an open source, we’re effectively an open source project unlike Amazon Web Services or Google.

I think you’re going to have a whole industry of people who are trying to innovate and build new applications just exactly as we’ve done. If you think about it, video is controlled by a very small number of companies and there’s been no innovation. You go past YouTube and it’s really hard to find anybody who’s done anything that is a significant innovation to video.

Now, we will change that with VR and maybe some others, but, I think in time, we will we will build other applications on top of our infrastructure. But we’ll also spend a lot of money and time trying to seduce developers to come in and build on top of our infrastructure. I think ultimately you should be able to develop video sites like you’d develop websites.

This is just a personal belief of mine because right now everybody has to live inside of the container of YouTube and their monetization system. I think one of the things that we can allow is for a lot more destination-oriented content sites to begin to flourish. Right now, people will build an app and they’ll sell it to the History Channel and it’ll collect its AWS. Let’s say an app will be bought by the Home Channel or Sci Fi. All of those apps are basically exactly the same and they just connect to AWS. They’re generally boring and don’t do anything breakthrough.

We have people like Hanno Basse, who’s one of our advisors, and he’s doing it because we as a company kind of solve two fundamental problems. How do we lower the cost that these guys are experiencing as video explodes on demand over the Internet, paying to Amazon and how do they figure out new monetization strategies with things like VR? To answer your question, I think there’s going to be a whole bunch of innovations.

What are your thoughts on innovation in the space, and how infrastructure-based projects like VideoCoin can help? For example, I’m thinking of how STEEM is building something called smart media tokens (SMTs), and many developers are using those to launch new functioning and profitable businesses. It’s really helping entrepreneurs break through current limitations.

Anytime that you can reduce the cost of something, you unleash new forms of innovation. Like FOX for instance, they want to put all of their sports content into the cloud because they’d like to then take that and start creating new products like the History of the Redskins or the history of a player, so they can basically create these sort of micro-content packages which they can monetize either by charging or with advertising.

They need to be able to put everything up in the cloud. I think there are a whole bunch of ideas emerging in crypto right now, as you point out, that are sort of next-generation video platforms. The Internet is now the Videonet. And so, I think with crypto, lower cost infrastructure de-centralization, I think you’re going to finally see a sort of reemergence of real solid video innovation.

Editor’s note: This is the end of part one. Part two contains Halsey’s thoughts on innovation and entrepreneurship with new technologies, problems with the current banking system, regulation, the global landscape, and how the cryptocurrency industry contrasts with the nascent Internet industry in the mid to late 90s.

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source: https://coincentral.com/halsey-minor-videocoin-part-1/

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