#but that's how i did it and i think it's fairly easy to achieve

[thereigning-lorelai]

Hello!! First your Tumblr and edits are so gorgeous! Second I was wondering if you were willing to share how you did the second gif of this edit please? Have a great day! (Or night)

https://www.tumblr.com/thereigning-lorelai/713794704750362624/usergif-1-year-celebrationshuffle-challenge?source=share

hi nonny, thanks for the nice words! really appreciated. ♥️ so, you're looking for this grid effect:

you're starting off with two gifs. i'd recommend choosing scenes that are not too close up because otherwise they'll overlap too much and you won't be able to delete enough parts to make the most of this effect.

so, here's my base gif that i just did in black and white with some minor purple brush strokes set to screen:

i then chose my second gif and coloured it with a purple gradient map and a purple colour fill set to multiply. the colouring of the gifs is entirely up to you and what you think looks best. so here's my second gif, still without the grid:

this is where the fun part starts - the grid layout. i created that with a new guide layout. this is a super neat tool in photoshop that helps you align shapes or selections on your image. the guide lines basically float over it and help you set up symmetric shapes or layouts. you can define how many columns and rows you want to have and then photoshop creates the guide layout for you. for this gif i chose 4 columns and 4 rows:

with this set up, i started creating the rectangles to make the purple gif visible on top of the black and white one. this is my final layout for my shapes:

you can move around the shapes to your liking and what works best with your gifs. i didn't want to cover too much of my base gif but also tried to make their faces in the top gif all be in the gif as much as possible.

this step is just a lot of moving around your shapes and seeing what looks good tbh.

i then grouped my shapes and clipped my top gif (including all layers for the colouring) to my shapes group:

looking good so far. the only thing missing are the lines for the grid. this is where your guide layout comes in again. i just reopened it and then traced the guide lines with my line tool to create the white grid overlay:

(for editing purposes i turned all of the line layers into a single smart object at the end. this is why you only see one layer for all the lines in this screenshot.)

finally, i used a gaussian blur (0,5 px radius, 100% fill for the filter, 40% fill for the overall layer) on the smart layer to make the lines a little bit smoother and softer looking. this is totally optional and again, up to what looks best to you.

added some text et voilà:

[pastelcheckereddreams]

Sooo, I bought the Lotus Tower model kit and, of course, I went overboard making it as accurate as possible to the show. To no one's surprise, I'm guessing? 😅

For reference, this is what the completed model (sans horses) looks like without most* of my alterations:

*The awning material and decoration is my only alteration at this point, as I didn't like the fabric they included with the kit.

I had so much fun with this model! It is well-made, has moving parts, and is actually fairly easy to put together, with most parts just clicking into place. It even has furniture details inside!

Let me know what you think! Have you got the kit? How are you finding the building process to be? If you want to hear a more detailed review of it and see my progress shots and details of my own creative additions, click below:

First, unboxing!

This is how the box arrives. I ordered it from CPOP Universe and it arrived well-packaged and undamaged within a matter of weeks.

Along with the kit itself - which as you can see consists of a stack of laser-cut sheets coded from A-Q, and numbers detailing the specific parts - you receive a coaster (ceramic, backed with cork, and very pretty), little standees of difanghua, a letter styled after the ones difang recieve from Li Lianhua, and a replica of the booklet of yangzhouman techniques.

The process:

The first floor came together pretty quickly:

Glue is provided, but isn't necessary for a lot of the pieces, as I found the measurements for a lot of the joints to be pretty snug and able to hold together themselves. Glue is necessary for some parts, though, particularly for areas such as the step up to the rear sleeping area. Strong glue. Here is what the fist floor looks like:

Fitting on the ceiling turned out to be the hardest part of most of the build. All of the holes on the second floor had to line up with every joint on top of the walls and doors.

The next big step I encountered was a curiosity. How to make the rear wall work? There was a curious piece clearly meant to anchor the rope, and a round hole that - much like the doors - meant that this piece was supposed to rotate - and even lock. But I received no instructions on how to achieve that. I found this puzzle (which I like to think was an intentional challenge, given the gadget-orientated FDB) to be a fun challenge. So I won't show you the inner workings and spoil it, but I'll show you the working product:

Next was the rather fiddly job of creating the sail awning. I imagine this will be quite difficult for some as there's no clear indication of how to fix the material in place.

My instinct was to sew it as that is also a craft I have practice in, though granted not everyone who buys this kit will be as comfortable with a sewing needle. The two swatches of fabric provided is also quite prone to fraying, and is quite thick and canvas-like. So, knowing that the awning is a big feature of Lotus Tower, I decided I could do better:

On the left is the provided fabric, and on the right is my own material (an old blouse that I never wore, with patches dyed with my promarker pens).

After that, things should've been an easy home run, as all I had to do was affix the wheels to their axis points and put the horses together. However, quite unfortunately, one of the wheels hadn't been cut out in my kit. I had to cut it out myself with a coping saw, a Stanley knife and much patience��

It came out looking rough, but nothing a little sanding and a touch up with my promarkers couldn't fix. I also eventually glued the wheel caps to the axis to prevent the wheels popping off every time I touched it, and they all still spin fine (minus the one I had to cut myself, that one's a little sticky😅). Then came the horses, and I was done!

Or so I thought. "Don't you think it looks a little too brown?" said my detail-obsessed brain. "We could do... more...."

And so I did.

My additions:

I used scraps coloured by my blue marker to create the beams of the house, and later coloured the fence posts red.

I made a second sail to hand under the stairs.

I created a second planter box (again, from the scraps and coloured with promarkers - two sets of flowers were included in the kit, so I could put one in each planter.)

And I even created a rain chain using old earring backs, jewellery findings and a chain, spray painted matte black and then painted blue-grey.

To colour the roofs, I likewise painted them a light blue-grey (/brown for Hulijing's kennel), then used a darker blue promarker to roughly add in texture.

I painted the weather vane, and used scraps to add in its missing two cardinal points.

And then finally, I made a winch for the rear wall! It's also easy to turn with the roof on, so I'm very pleased even though it's a little rough looking 😅

Had to gif my video clip because tumblr said boo no to more than one :(

And that's it, that's my latest build! I found this kit very fun, loved the process and seeing Lotus Tower come to life. I also loved adding in all the details to make it just that bit more accurate to the show. My only true criticisms are 1) small design oversights with the base wood colour being a tad too dark imo; the missing arms on the weather vane; and no second flowerbed (although I may be being a tad too pedantic about it 😅). 2) The fact that one of the wheels in my kit didn't get cut out properly (a quality check issue).

Obviously, I made the choice to use a different material than the fabric included so I can't speak to how satisfactory it is. However, if I were ever in the position to give IQiYi direct feedback, I'd suggest they include thinner fabric, and paint (or paint suggestions, as I know model paints aren't usually allowed through customs in these kinds of kits) for the roofs, because (by way of how they're constructed) they're just raw edges of the reinforced card parts - completely uncoloured, despite being a very visual element of the piece.

Thank you for reading this far lol Keep an eye out for more art and craft posts! (I have a Siji Manor set update coming shortly 👀)

[johanirae]

Dion's heartbreaking backstory

Finished the game last night and pieced together Dion Lesage's backstory. It's really tragic and also shows how good a person he was to rise above it all, when the same backstory could have easily been one for a villain.

Spoilers for the whole game below

He was initially born in what may be a loving family. His biological mother is not present in the game, only mentioned by his stepmother Annabella as being a "whore who weighed her child's worth in gil". (Note however that Annabella is a raging blood supremacist who at one point called Jill, an actual princess, a 'savage' just because she was from a foreign land, so who the heck knows what qualifies as "whore" in her books) However, his early life wasn't too harsh. He had good relations with his father, who then ruled the kingdom fairly. Dion was also educated with the full expectation that he will one day rule the empire.

However, following the fall of Phoenix Tower, Annabella married into his family and became Dion's stepmother and empress. She cut off his education and started pouring poison into the emperor's ear that Dion aimed to betray him. It's also implied that she had a hand in making him join the military, under the guise of utilising his status as Bahamut Dominant. I believe she did this for two goals: 1) Gain as much power as possible through conquests 2) Kill Dion. It is shown in the game that extensive use of fully primed Eikon powers proves detrimental to the dominant's health. Not to mention constant combat with other fully primed eikons. The earlier Dion dies, the earlier her own son Olivier can rise uncontested to the throne.

Through these years, his only companion had been his tutor Harpocrates (whom was dismissed by Annabella due to his egalitarian beliefs) and childfriend friend, later lover Sir Terence. He is never able to share their love in public due to a difference in social status. (Although it's a great joy for me to discover that their problems seems to have nothing to do with homophobia, which seems absent in this world).

Given a backstory like this, it's so easy for Dion to sink into darkness and evil, but throughout his story in FFXVI, he has a strong belief that rulers should do right by their people. He has a strong sense of honor and justice. Even after realising the machinations of Annabella and Ultima, he never tried to blame others for his actions. Sadly, it's this very same sense of honor that led him to join the final fight, even if it costed him his own life.

I like to think that in the end he finally got to join Sir Terence on the other side and achieve the happiness that was so denied him ;_;

[umlewis]

lewis hamilton is interviewed after his first f1 qualifying session, australia - march 17, 2007 (transcription under the cut)

Lewis: "I was fairly relaxed. I think I probably surprised myself, how relaxed I was. There is a lot of pressure on me from the outside, the world, and from everyone in here, from the team, but at the end of the day I put more pressure on myself to succeed. I wanna win in this business. I'm not here to finish second, and so… But there's a certain way you have to do it. You can't go in all guns blazing, wanting to qualify on pole in your first qualifying session. You need to go step by step, and I think fourth, you've got a good pit strategy. We are quite ready, and so I'm looking forward to tomorrow." Interviewer: "Are you starting to feel at all the pressure of all that extra expectation?" Lewis: "Probably the biggest shock is just how much attention you get. When I leave the paddock or when I'm in the paddock, everyone's looking, and it's obviously just trying to just have tunnel vision and try not to make too much eye contact and get distracted." Interviewer: "What was the first exchange you had with Fernando Alonso after that session finished?" Lewis: "Immediately. When we finished we were on the weighing scales, and he was just behind me, and he tapped me on the back and said congratulations, and same for him. He did a great job. I think we've both done the best job we probably could do for the team, and I think we've both, again, got good strategy, so we're in good step." Interviewer: "What is gonna be the approach? What is gonna be the mindset? We're all familiar with your GP2 style of competing and racing. Do you carry that sort of style into Formula 1?" Lewis: "I think so. At the end of the day that is my style, but it's a lot harder to overtake in Formula 1, let me assure you that. So all these people said, there's no overtaking in Formula 1. It's extremely tough. You lose so much downforce, and the thing is when you're able to carry so much speed through corners, you just lose that aero balance and you're almost tiptoeing when you're beind someone, and it's so easy to come off and make a mistake." Interviewer: "You've dreamt about the day, you've dreamt about the opportunity. What do you expect the first few laps, certainly, to be like?" Lewis: "I hope it's similar to what I've expected before in GP2. I'm pretty sure… No. I'm sure that all the drivers are extremely professional, as they were in GP2, and so there should be quite a steady first lap. Hopefully we get a good start, but it's all about having a clean first lap, and then carrying that on and just keep on pushing. I'll be pushing 110% all the way." Interviewer: "Well it's the best qualifying performance by a British rookie driver on his Formula 1 debut in well over fifty years, so that's one target achieved. What is the target for the race?" Lewis: "Target for the race is obviously to score as many points as possible, but… I'm trying to take things step by step, so scoring as many points as possible. Whether that means a podium or not, we don't know, but if I'm out of the top three, still, if I get points that'd be great. But a podium, then a win. It's got to move on from that way." Interviewer: "It's going great so far. We wish you the best." Lewis: "Thank you very much."

[hellenhighwater]

i'm sure you've probably been asked this before but i'm new here and very curious: how did you come into ownership of your house and how are you paying for it? i recently moved in with my boyfriend and the housing situation is... dismal. and we're eventually moving into another house with a friend but we barely make enough money combined to support ourselves. i'm just curious as to what it takes to be content because you are living in such a dream house to me and i would love to achieve that one day. ty and have a great day!

I'm not going to pretend that my homeownership is some kind of one-man bootstraps success story; it's not. I got lucky in a lot of ways. It's a combination of stuff.

I haven't owned my house for long--it'll be two years this August. When I started saving for a house, I was lucky enough to be able to live with family and basically eliminate the majority of my living expenses, which allowed me to save a much higher percentage of my salary than I would otherwise have been able to save. I was driving an hour and a half for my daily commute, but it was worth it to not be paying rent. Having a bunch of roommates prior to that also helped. I have almost no debt--I did law school on 100% scholarship, and picked a cheap undergrad university. (This actually backfired--my credit score simply did not exist until waaaay later in my life than is recommended if you want a mortgage. I struggled to find a lender that would work with me even though I was stably employed and had a cash down payment ready.)

I also bought a home in a non-urban area; I live in a fairly small town. My house is also not very expensive; it was between $150-$200K when I bought it. That's due, in part, to the location (small town), the tiny lot (less than a quarter acre), the age (120+ years), and the need for a lot of superficial updates and repairs. It's structurally sound for the most part, but it's dated.

I'm a lawyer. It's easy to miss, since I post like an idiot, but I am regularly reminded that sometimes even morons pass the Bar. I don't make the kind of crazy money most people assume lawyers make, but for a single-person household I'm okay. I was able to make a fairly sizeable down payment--more than was strictly necessary, actually--so my monthly mortgage is actually less than $1k, which is still mindboggling to me. It's good, because this house DOES need work.

But with all that said, it still wasn't easy. I got my first job when I was a freshman in high school and I have been continuously employed since then. Between the ages of 18-28 there was never a time that I held less than two jobs; most of the time I had three, and it...sucked. It was fun, a lot of the time, but mostly that kind of unpredictable schedule is just exhausting at a subconscious level. I remember the week before the Bar, still working two jobs, being in the library at 3 am, my brain melting out my ears, and cruising Zillow listings for bombed-out houses in Detroit being sold for pennies on the dollar, thinking that if nothing else, I could buy one of those and make it work one repair at a time. I went to law school because I wanted to be able to buy my own house. I moved out of the city so I could buy my own house. I shaped a lot of my life around the need and want to have my own space. I have spent years sitting up late at night and looking at real estate listings I couldn't dream of affording.

I don't know if that helps. I guess the only advice I could give is that if homeownership is a big priority for you, maybe look for areas where real estate is affordable(ish; I know what it's like these days) and see what it would take for you to be able to live there. A lot of the time, if there's good bones to work with, the rest is just what you make of it.

[steamberrystudio]

19/11/2023

Hey everyone! Time for the bi-weekly tumblr update for Steamberry stuffs!

Summary

Finished writing all routes up through the end of chapter 9

Started working on editing for now

Added in-game achievements

Received some new BG art

Ramble

Okay, so writing-wise, I wrote Yren's content up through the end of chapter 9. Also revamped my end-route summaries for Yren and Raif.

The current word count is 426,000 words.

But I decided to hold off on finishing the endings for the four remaining routes. The main reason for this is that I have planned a lot of early-story changes that are going to shift the trajectory of the route endings. And I was really struggling with how to construct the route endings with those planned changes in a more nebulous state.

I usually try to avoid working out of order because I find it is not conducive to forward progress. But there are some points when you have to break the rules and go back to make important edits because you need them there in order to be able to move forward.

I'm kind of at that point.

So I decided I would fully edit Asher's route, which will allow me to inject all those planned changes into the story which will make it much easier to construct endings that call back to that earlier foreshadowing.

So writing-wise, that's what I've been doing this week. I am currently up to Chapter 6 in the edit (which means I'm a little less than half through the route).

Other Stuff:

I have received new BGs of course. Those are coming in at a fairly steady rate of 1.5 - 2 weeks each.

I also have decided to add in-game achievements to WSC. I've been thinking about it for a while but putting it off since I know that one more screen (like an achievements gallery) means more tweaks to the UI. But I finally sucked it up and did it anyway.

I've also been playing with a colour slider for Wil's sprite. I'm not going to go into detail about it here because I've talked about it more in depth on Patreon and will continue to post most of the details there.

But the idea is that instead of choosing from 3 skin tones and 2 hair colours, there would be colour sliders allowing for a much greater range of selection. One of the big concerns with colour sliders is whether or not the recolours can be made to look as good as recolouring manually - which has always been why I've stayed away from them. 

The more complex shading styles have always struggled with colour sliders. But a developer friend - Feniks - has made a really cool and dynamic shader that actually can recreate even painterly or non-outlined art styles with incredible accuracy.

Using a slider is really useful because it increases the variations the player gets while *reducing* my work load. Instead of having to recolour manually, I would actually only need to colour everything once in grey scale.

Of course, it's not as easy as just dumping in the code and art. It requires some experimentation and learning but right now it is looking like I will be able to make it work. So I may be able to show off some examples in the future.

Screenshots:

None this time...

Upcoming Weeks:

I am currently editing Chapter 6 of asher/common routes and there are some pretty substantial edits I have to make.

It's always tricky to estimate what I will get done editing wise because editing does not flow at a more or less even pace like writing. Chapter 5, 6, and 7 had (and will have) major updates and changes so it may take a while to get through them. Though I'm already through with Ch 5. So...that's one of three.

Anyway.

And I'm also working on the GS lore book, still (LoL. 🙃). Someone today reminded me that I still need to go through all the deleted content to see if anything is salvageable for the lore book too.

😭

Thank you so much to that person (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And you need to answer for your crimes, my friend.) 👀

[gamebunny-advance]

Let's Just Rip Off This Band-Aid (Kliff Doll Repaint)

I still haven't finished adding the fringe to his scarf, but at this point, I don't think y'all will actually care that much. It's a personal project anyway, so I'll just finish it on my own time. Right now, I want to be released from the shackles of this project.

Once again, my poor camera and lack of editing do him no favors (he's got a real bad case of jaundice in that first pic. I PROMISE he's not that yellow-orange IRL ;o;), but he is (mostly) done.

Well, he was (mostly) done like a week ago, but just yesterday I decided to redo a few things to try and "fix" what was really bothering me about him, so I really made recursive progress. That said, I do like him more now than I did a week ago, so I'm not mad about it.

A little backstory: Alongside Kun3h0, I've been working on him for the past month, so I've been pretty occupied with this project for a while. Now, I do wonder to myself why exactly I thought making this would be a good idea. All I can really say is that my impulsive tendencies drive me to do things against my better judgement.

But, I will still give y'all my documentation and thoughts on the process + more pictures.

(I'll talk a little more about it later, but for those of you that aren't going to go through the long-ass readmore, the Neon J. mask is a reference to an old comic I drew.)

(It's so old, I was still writing everything by hand~)

So, the "real" answer to "why" I made this is really as simple as "because I could." As I said in the Kun3h0 post, I've been wanting to repaint dolls for a long time, years even, so in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking of ways I could finally start one.

Well, recently I just finally put together the ideas and motivation I needed to start. And of course, that was with Kliff.

I don't remember *exactly* how I stumbled across everything, but I do recall looking at doll clothes online and stumbling across this trench coat (pictured with the other clothes for this project).

(I took this pic mostly because I thought I was going to take pics of every major step of the process, but that didn't end up happening).

I thought it was pretty darn close to Kliff's coat, and I got the horrible idea that, "I could def make a Kliff doll to go with this coat as long as I can repaint it."

I feel like usually people would think the other way around, but that is basically the truth of this project: I didn't find clothes to fit the doll, I made the doll to fit into the clothes. Because for me, customizing the doll wasn't really the intimidating part: it's making the clothes. I don't know how to use a sewing machine, and currently lack the patience to learn (and due to some personal trauma that I don't really want to get into), but I can hand-sew, so starting any project that involves it requires me to be willing to set aside a lot of energy for me to do it, which I don't often have.

But, if I could find ways to cut down on the sewing, then I'd be more willing to start. And somehow, I was able to find just about everything I would need for a potential Kliff doll without having to sew anything. In the end, I only sewed together one thing, and it's the one thing that isn't actually finished: the scarf.

So, I blame the trench coat for the entirety of this project: if I'd never seen it, I would have never made a Kliff doll. In fact, I got the clothes before I even had the doll.

Since I was brainstorming this project, one of the most important parts is of course the base doll, which was tricky. Male doll repaints are fairly uncommon, especially of older men, so there weren't a lot of resources or places to get inspiration for this project.

From what I found, most male (fashion) dolls were very youthful, and the ones that weren't usually took heavy modifications to achieve, which was out of the question. Kliff was supposed to be an "easy" project, so on top of not wanting to sew any clothes for him, I also didn't want to have to alter the doll that much to make it look like him. This was a lot to ask for without putting in any personal work, but in a way, this goal was supposed to keep me from actually starting this project: really this whole thing was supposed to just live in my head as a fantasy as most things do, but then I just stumbled into the right set of things, so I couldn't stop myself from going through with it.

The doll I landed on was a BTS Mattel doll. Now I've said before that I know basically nothing about BTS, and that is still true, but that's beside the point. In my research for finding a suitable doll to work with, I found out that a popular base were these BTS dolls. At first, I wasn't into it because I was still running into the "youthful face" problem that I was with other brands: most of them had pillowy lips and nice soft faces, but I did eventually find one that I thought was close enough: J-Hope.

(It's not the worst match up.)

I don't have pics of my doll before I started working on him, but it was pretty close to the stock photo. He has much thinner lips than the others, and a taller, more angular head shape that I thought would work best for Kliff. I did worry a bit that the nose wasn't "strong" enough to really be Kliff (and IMO, it wasn't XP), but it was the closest I found yet, so I decided to bite the bullet and get one, and if I had one, that meant I needed to start gathering everything I would need for this project.

So, no backing out now.

Now, actually acquiring this doll was a whole other song and dance, but here's the part that's important for how the process went:

Due to a miscommunication with the seller I eventually got him from, there was a delay with shipping, so I didn't actually get him until weeks after "officially" starting this project. In the meantime, the clothes and things for Kun3h0 (who I started as an impulse project within the impulse project) had already been gathered.

The original plan was that I was going to work on and subsequently post about Kliff first since he was a comparatively simpler project. All the things I was avoiding for Kliff: sewing clothes and making modifications to the doll, were all going to be incorporated into Kun3h0, so she was theorhetically going to take longer and be posted later, thus telling a small story of "starting simple, ending complex." But since I didn't have his doll, but didn't want to delay working on Kun3h0 just to wait on him, I started on her and repainting his clothes anyway.

So, I don't have any pics of the doll or his clothes from when I was working on them, unlike the sparse ones I had for Kun3h0, I only have pics from after he was finished.

But I'll still tell y'all what I can to at least preserve the story.

For starters, repainting this coat was probably the most time-consuming part of this process.

I really thought that it would take one or two days maximum to turn this coat bright yellow, but I think it actually took over a week. And I really should have known; the coat was a medium tone, and I know that yellow takes a while to build up on anything that isn't light. I lost count at some point, but I swear that thing has over 20 coats of paint on it. Mind you, the first 10 or so coats were watered down with the textile medium, which also contributed to how long it was taking for the coat to take color, but at some point I just got so frustrated that I stopped mixing in the medium and painting directly onto the coat to get the color to layer faster. This is a huge no-no for painting acrylics onto fabric, lest the paint crack from creasing the fabric, but I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I needed this thing to be dandelion yellow NOW or I was gonna lose it.

There were consequences for taking that shortcut, such as the paint cracking in high motion areas and the coat getting stiff, but it's not terrible. In the end, I accepted the trade-offs or else I might still be painting the coat. Perhaps one day I'll reverse engineer the pattern for the coat and make him a new one, but I wouldn't count on it. In retrospect, I wonder if I would have had an easier time if I had thought to bleach the coat first?

As you might notice, I contoured/shaded part of the coat in orange. That's something that I actually *just* added yesterday and added another couple of hours to the work time. It was just bothering me that the doll was essentially a giant slab of yellow, and was part of the reason I didn't like it very much. But I got inspired by this repaint to try contouring the coat to give it more depth.

(I also used this person's videos to modify the hands. He has one deidcated to just reshaping the BTS hands.)

In the end, I'm pretty happy with the results.

The rest of the clothes weren't as difficult to deal with.

The pants took the paint a lot better, likely due to being dark paint on a light surface. Since I used less paint, it's not as stiff as the coat and still go on very easily. Though, they are VERY high waisted, and I'm not sure if that's normal XP

The shoes are also painted (and slightly modified), though I had to paint them twice because the first time, the paint got stretched off when I tried to put them on the doll's feet: the shoes were just *slightly* too small for the feet of the doll, so they really get stretched to fit his feet, and his heels don't actually go in all the way XP.

He's still capable of standing on his own, but I try not to remove the shoes, so I can avoid having them crack again.

In my "initial clothes" pic, I put down a different shirt than the one he's wearing. The original plan was to repaint the shirt black, but my work space is very limited, so I couldn't really repaint three pieces of clothes at once without significantly risking that I would stain other things. In the end, after getting scarred by how long it was taking for the coat to take color, I decided to just give him one of the black shirts that came with the coat. This does make him somewhat inaccurate since the current shirt has flowers/plants on it, but I'm gonna say that they make up for the lack of flowers on his scarf. Maybe someday I'll make him a new shirt from an old sock or something, but for now, I don't think it's a bad look.

Other clothing of note is the scarf, but since it's not technically finished I didn't take any close pics of it. It's actually made of an old headband of mine that I just cut and painted to look like his scarf.

Originally, I had actually glued on ribbon to it for the stripes, which took a couple days for the drying, but because I couldn't flatten out the scarf to easily glue the ribbon, it turned into a mess and bulked it out too much: since the scale of the doll is already small, I really needed to keep the fabrics thin. This was especially important for the scarf since it was going to wrap around his neck: if it were any thicker, it was going to practically eat up his face, which it still does, just less so.

Speaking of face...

When I finally got the doll in the mail, I started working on him right away, so I don't have any "before" pics of the doll.

After I did the usual "wiping off the face and pulling out his hair," I started with repainting the entire body and head.

Despite Kliff being ambigously "WHITE 🫵," Kliff isn't as pale as the original doll. I'd say even the stock picture I posted above has more warmth than the actual doll did. So, I got the base to be "coral" all over, dusted him in light orange chalk pastels for contouring, and most of his details are outlined in shades of burgandy. I didn't take any nude pics of this doll, but he is countoured all over his body and you can rest easy knowing I gave him some nips XP. But maybe someday I'll show y'all doll!Kliff's washboard abs XP.

TBH, I did want to detail some tattoos and some body hair too, but I just didn't trust myself to do either of those well with the tools I have (my brushes aren't thin enough, and my hand not steady enough for those kind of intricate details). Maybe someday I'll at least get his tattoos in (and after I've actually designed them XP), but we'll see. I don't plan on having the doll in short sleeved clothes very often, so details like that are the least of my concerns.

TBH, I was pretty proud of how the face paint originally went on. I really took my time to make sure it went down flat. It really was beautifully smooth~

But disaster struck.

I had painted the head while it was still separated from the body, and when it finally came time to reunite them, the paint on the head cracked and peeled when I shoved it back on. And, foolish fool that I am, instead of accepting my losses and starting over from a perfectly clean head, I just peeled the lose ends and repainted the exposed parts, which of course made the paint uneven. I somewhat justified this with the idea that most of it would be covered by other details, but in retrospect, I really should have just started over properly.

But, after that ordeal was over with, it was time to actually work on the face.

I can't clearly remember if I worked on Kun3h0 or Kliff's face first. I think I worked on them simultaneously because it took me a LONG time to actually get the courage to work on Kun3h0's face.

I thought I did a decent job on Kun3h0 since I really only had the 1 eye to repaint (the hidden eye is painted, but it's basically just a void with no details), and it was a bigger "canvas", so it was easier to paint. Besides having 2 eyes that I would need to make nearly identical, they were also a lot smaller, so it took a lot longer to paint them in a way that satisfied me (and since it's not easy to "redo" acrylic paint, his eyes lost a lot of smoothness too).

Again, I don't have any "before" pics, so it won't be easy for me to convey my troubles about it, but I do want to say that I think Kliff with a closed mouth is very cursed.

:I

He just looks like he's itching to say something heinous and that is no different for the doll.

It was so difficult for me both match his expression on a face that wasn't *completely* his and still look like him. Although I chose this doll because he most resembled Kliff, he was never gonna be a perfect likeness of him, but despite knowing this, it still bothered me that the face was still just very "young" looking.

Granted, I don't think the original Kliff looks *that* old either (if I didn't know any better, I would assume he was in his 30s, not his 50s, especially compared to other characters around the same age), but still not as *smooth* as the doll is (even with my paint mishaps).

If you can believe it, the face actually used be worse. I don't have pics of it, but like the coat, I actually repainted his face yesterday to again try and fix what was making me dislike it before. I think the problem is that I didn't outline the eyes as much as the final one (like, I don't think I lined his undereye at all), so he was lacking depth. The mouth was also a little more off. Instead of being like "<--->" it was more like "|-|"

(A rough illustration of what I'm trying to describe.)

So, while it's still not perfect, I do like him more today than I did a week ago.

I think the only things left to talk about are his accessories, starting with his wig:

I'm not actually a big fan of the color. When I started this project, I wanted to try and make him as accurate as possible, and the original Kliff design has a very "cherry jolly rancher" hair color.

However, how I draw him and how he appears in Encore Edition gives his hair a more red-orange tone which isn't as intense. In the end, I opted for accuracy towards his first design since that's the one I was technically most familiar with and wanted to replicate, but in retrospect, I should have realized that I was never gonna be able to seperate my personal quirks from this personal project, so I should have gone with a color that was more accurate to how I interpret him. (I dunno if I would have gone as far as to give him triangular eyes, but one of my biggest takeaways from this project has been that I should have just allowed this to be "my take" on the character instead of trying to be "accurate," meeting in the middle, and satisfying neither condition.)

I don't think I really got across how much I HATED brushing out yarn for the wigs when I posted Kun3h0. It was just such a tedidus process, from brushing it out, to straightening it, to gluing it down. It was such a mess. I'm still finding loose wisps of yarn hair floating around my home since I made them.

Since I had more than had my fill from making Kun3h0's wig, I once again started taking shortcuts when it came to Kliff: I really should have made more wefts for him. I figured since his hair was (compartively) shorter, that I wouldn't need to make as many, but in the end his wig turned out both too thin and too thick.

Since his hair is so messy, I didn't follow any kind of guide for his hair like I did Kun3h0. I basically just glued around the perimeter of the cap, horizontally on the inside, and made sure it would fold over in the front.

Part of the problem is that I made the wefts too thick: instead of just gluing down what could actually touch the surface of the work area, I wound up gluing layers on top of each other, so the wefts would be like a mm thick when they should have been less than half of that. So, I barely got enough coverage for the scalp, and the parts that I did get down are very thick. I think it makes his head look bigger than it should which kinda adds to the uncanniness of him.

I did try to style it as close to canon as possible, but there are some things that just aren't (easily) possible in certain mediums, and Kliff's wild hair is one of them.

In retrospect, I probably should have just sculpted his hair with clay or something: it probably would have been more accurate, but I don't have much confidence in my sculpting ability, and again, I didn't want to modify the doll that much, so I stuck with the yarn.

I might suck it up and try and make him a new wig, I still have a LOT of red yarn left over, so maybe I can make him some new styles too. But the tedium of going through with it makes it very unlikely that I'll follow through~

(The wig from other angles.)

Since the beard is made from the same yarn, I'll lightly talk about that. There aren't too many resources about bearded dolls, but I've seen people root it, glue it, and even just paint it if they weren't supposed to be thick. In the end I used this repaint for reference (suggestive content warning) and glued it on.

The scarf covers most of it, but I think it turned out okay. I need to add just a *little* more to his left cheek, but otherwise I feel like I was successful.

Next, it's usually hidden due to all the crap that's on his head, but I did give him an earring.

I didn't think about it until way too late in the process, and I tried to poke a hole through his ear so he could actually wear it. However, when I tried to do so, I almost ruined his head paint a second time. Saying, "fuck that," I decided to just glue it on.

If I had been more brave with modifying this doll, I might have just resculpted his ears entirely, because, being based on a real life human being, the doll's ears don't flare out that much, so they're easily covered by other things.

His glasses are just a piece of painted plastic that hold to his face using some plastic cord. They fit well while his wig is off, but putting them on with everything else is a goddamn nightmare.

Since his ears are so small, and his hair is so short, there's nothing for the glasses to "grab" onto without the cord, but the cord is too short to fit around the wig once it's on, but I can't make the cord longer to sit over the wig, because the glasses need to go over the headband, and it's a pain in the ass trying to layer everything like that.

So, I have to put the glasses in place first, TAPE the cord to his scalp so they don't move, put on the wig, then put on the headband. It's really such a hassle, but I don't think I can truly convey the annoyance of having to do it all without showing you. So, unless I absolutely have to, I'm never taking any of those things off him again.

I think the last things are the headband, mask, and tablet.

The headband is just a spare scrunchy that I have. I don't have one in the *exact* same color as the real one, so I went with the closest one I had, which was this teal color.

I didn't feel comfortable repainting one since it's essentially an elastic band, I don't think the paint, even with the textitle medium, would be able to hold up to all the stretching I have to do to even get it on his head.

If I happen to find a white one somewhere in my stash, then I might try dyeing it using water and acrylic paints to see if I can get it green, but for now, I think this works. A little thick, but it works.

The tablet is just a piece of foam painted with paint markers and the mask is a piece of cardboard. I wasn't planning on really recreating any scenes with this doll, but since I remembered that comic, and thought it would be easy enough to make, I went ahead and made it as an in-joke to myself.

Honestly, I think it's the most charming piece of the entire ensemble. Plus, he can wear it without me having undo/redo any of his other head accessories, so it's easy to make him wear it whenever.

My final comments about the doll itself are that he's fucking huge. I should have taken a pic of him next to Kun3h0, but he is too tall to even fit on my display shelf without sitting.

(Please ignore any mess you might see in the reflection. This is just one of the only flat pieces of furniture he can stand on without me standing on something to take a pic.)

Despite my interests, I don't actually collect dolls (I'm more into figures and plushies), so I wasn't expecting him to be so big. In fact, Kun3h0, who would be considered a small to medium doll in collector's spaces, was also bigger than I thought she'd be, so you can imagine my surprise when I got my hands on him.

So... I don't really know where I can put him. He obviously can't live in front of my TV, but beyond being too big for my shelf, he also doesn't fit in with any of my other collectibles. And I'll be honest, the contrast of him "clearly not belonging" among my more "kawaii" items was a motivator in starting this project, I live for the gap moe after all, but in practice he really just sticks out like a sore thumb. (This is also why his first pics are in a slightly different location without many props. I just couldn't put together anything from my collection or find a spot among my things to take a good thematic pic with. The magazines/CDs he's with are from my dad's collection.)

I do have space at higher elevations in my room, but it's kinda off putting to have him staring down my room, looking like he's plotting something (my space is too small to ignore it). So I dunno what I'm gonna do with him. I did have plans to make him some... cuter outfits so he wouldn't stick out as much, but that requires sewing, and I'm kinda worn out from this project.

In conclusion, despite my troubles with this project, I'm not entirely displeased with the results. At the very least, it was an experience, and one that I might even be willing to do a third time 👀...?

But for now, I'd like to rest and maybe go back to drawing again. I feel like I haven't drawn anything "real" for a while now. We're inching closer and closer to the next follower milestone (4 digit number BA-BY!), so I'd like to at least get back to being good enough to sketch some stuff for y'all soon~

[frozenjokes]

CuteGuy Would Prefer Greatly If HotGuy Never Ever Had Any Nice Things, But Especially Not His Good Friend And Roommate Cubfan135 (2/3)

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Grian, as CuteGuy, landed softly on the other side of the parking lot, tucking his wings non-threateningly at his back. Calm. Cool. Relaxed. He hadn’t been home when Cub left to meet HotGuy, but Grian knew well enough Cub would be timely, and with any luck, a little early. With no one in the empty parking lot, Grian wasn’t entirely sure what to do with himself, but he didn’t have to wait long before he spotted Cub down the street, absorbed in his music as always. Sure enough, Cub didn’t even notice CuteGuy as he entered the parking lot, only spotting him after sitting down on the curb and looking up, presumably for HotGuy. 

It didn’t feel tense when their eyes met. Cub didn’t look afraid. Part of Grian was deeply relieved; he cared very little about how the world viewed him, preferring they feared him if they felt anything at all, but.. Not Cub. He didn’t want Cub to be afraid. The other part of him was worried; did Cub not fear him because he recognized him? Not CuteGuy the villain, but Grian, who he thought was staying out of trouble and getting help- and it wasn’t that Grian wasn’t trying to get help. He was getting better, really! He hadn’t gotten into any fights as ‘Grian’ in weeks- hadn’t gotten arrested in over two months! But no amount of therapy could keep him calm in tense encounters or high stress moments; thinking about how he’d make it right, how he’d get them back later. That did it. Those sentiments brought the air back into his lungs.

“Should I leave?” Cub asked, a healthy caution behind his voice.

“I’d rather you stayed. I don’t want to hurt you,” Grian forced his voice lower as he spoke, hoping Cub couldn’t tell, and cursed himself for not thinking to practice. He sounded stupid. And given the small quirk of Cub’s eyebrow, Grian didn’t sound sincere, either.

“I don’t want to hurt you, either. But I do have pepper spray. Just so you’re aware. And it hurts. I know this from personal experience.” Cub paused briefly in a silent debate with himself, “I was curious. Mistake.”

Grian chuckled, but he couldn’t laugh too hard, not when he was there, and not when he had also pepper sprayed himself in some sort of horrible solidarity. Bad day. Horrible judgment from all sides, mostly because they had no one else to look out for them, literally as well as metaphorically. Top five dumbest things Grian had ever done, for sure. Even thinking about that day was enough to make his skin itch and burn. But there was a fondness there too, the type of fondness you can only achieve by doing something incredibly, irrefutably idiotic with your best friend.

“I’ve been there. Not eager to go back, either, so I’ll keep my distance if that’s what keeps you comfortable. I’d like to sit though, if that’s alright.”

Cub shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

“You can say no.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Cub eyed him evenly, not unfriendly as was often assumed about him, but cautious, appraising. It was a little bit funny. Cub looking at CuteGuy, a fairly well known supervillain, the way he’d look at any stranger; gauging intention. Cub didn’t navigate the world under the assumption that everyone was out to get him, but he was also the kind of person that liked knowing, and a Cub in the dark was not a Cub at ease. Grian hoped he’d be able to get Cub to relax with him before HotGuy arrived, but that would be no easy feat, not as CuteGuy. Cub was smart; he probably suspected CuteGuy knew HotGuy was coming. This was not a chance meeting. CuteGuy wanted something. And Cub wasn’t wrong, not really.

“You can,” Grian tried, hoping again he sounded genuine, but in these forced lower tones, it was hard to accurately get the emotions he was aiming for across. Grian wondered if Cub noticed the oddness in his voice, and was immediately sure of the answer. But Cub wouldn’t say a word, not to the avian known for being quick to anger.

“Well in that case, I don’t mind,” Cub said, almost dismissive as he looked back at his phone. Grian couldn’t quite tell if Cub actually did mind or not, but he sat on the curb regardless, not too close, but not far either. Grian winced at the thought of being pepper sprayed. He wouldn’t see it coming, that he was sure of; Cub was very good at concealing his tells. “Just so you know,” Cub continued after a moment, almost thoughtful, “HotGuy will be here soon. I’ve heard you two don’t get along, and, well..” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely, but Grian got the message. 

“I don’t know about that,” he said, the line vindictively practiced, and Grian couldn’t keep the smirk off his face, “Heroes are fickle things. I have a feeling HotGuy will be late, if he even shows up at all.”

Cub nodded, though Grian wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. “What’s he up to then, if you know?” His tone was mild, almost monotone, but there was a mutual understanding as to what was going on here. Grian knew better than anyone that Cub knew how to play his cards, and that he wouldn’t sit idly in the dark if he thought he could get away with it. Grian couldn’t remember a time when Cub had judged a confrontation incorrectly, or pushed his luck too far.

“Poultry Man made a bit of a mess on the other side of town. Left a message specifically for HotGuy, and if you didn’t know, HotGuy’s been dying to chat with him. As if Poultry Man would speak to anyone.” Grian laid back across the curb, spreading his wings in the grass. “No need to ask. I was involved, of course. We look out for each other, Poultry Man and I, but I just wanted to make sure you knew exactly where HotGuy’s priorities lie. Believe me when I tell you that you’re far from the only man he’s chasing. In every sense of the word.”

“What did he do?”

“What?”

“Poultry Man? What did he do?” It was a perfectly amicable, almost innocently curious question. Grian knew better than to take Cub at face value, but his facade was rock hard, and Grian had no idea what he was actually feeling.

“Told me he was saving these nails and things, sharp, sturdy stuff, and that he was going to dump a whole bunch of them in various parking lots of government buildings. They’re painted, of course. Like chickens. I don’t know how he was planning on leaving a message for HotGuy, but I’m sure he managed.”

Cub chuckled, which Grian didn’t expect, expecting even less for Cub to look genuinely amused. “I like that guy.”

“You-“ Grian felt his heart stop, or maybe beat faster, “You like Poultry Man?”

“Yeah. I kinda do.” Cub didn’t elaborate. Grian didn’t really expect him too, but he desperately wished Cub would. Well. He’d have to push for answers if he wanted any at all.

“I don’t understand how you can like Poultry Man and HotGuy. They’re like- complete opposites. Egg themed rebellion versus pathetic attention-hungry bootlicking, it’s not anywhere near compatible.”

“I wouldn’t go as far to say that I like bootlickers. I don’t.”

I know you don’t. Words Grian almost said, but couldn’t, so he settled on, “Well, given that’s basically HotGuy’s entire job, you may want to reconsider.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? HotGuy is like the government’s top lap dog! He isn’t even that good at what he does- he’s just got a tragic backstory and a chiseled body, so the whole damn world can’t help but fall for him. He’s going to use you until he gets bored, then dump you, because he’s HotGuy and he can do whatever the hell he wants without paying the price.”

“I just mean that I don’t know. It’s as simple as that. I don’t know him. But I’d like to. We’ll see.”

“You’re going to get hurt.”

Cub threw him a critical side eye, the type of look a winner might wear, the type of look that let Grian know he had made a mistake. Almost agonizingly, Cub did not gloat or hold this victory of gleaned information over Grian’s head; he just sat there, silent, contemplative. He gave Grian nothing. No hints of his thoughts or feelings. Cub knew he didn’t have to. He knew just as well as Grian did that Grian would keep talking, keep losing ground, keep revealing too much. But still, Grian couldn’t stop. It was fine, fine that Cub knew he was emotionally invested in some way, but clearly this wasn’t working, so it was time for a pivot. Throw him off.

“I think you can do better. I think you deserve better. My hands are plenty dirty, but not any more than his.”

Cub blinked, looking up. There were a mix of emotions there that not even Grian could decipher, but the fact that he even bothered to look at all showed interest. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” Grian had Cub’s attention now, and he wasn’t about to let go, “You can play with heroes and see where it gets you, or cut the shit and have a little fun. Do you want to play games, or is it easier to believe HotGuy’s any different than me?”

“I don’t think HotGuy hurts people on purpose.”

“How many accidents need to happen before the people he hurts are a product of careless negligence. That’s what he is, Cub, careless. And no matter what he does, no matter how many people die under his watch, he will never be punished.”

“Good point.”

“How does it feel to put your heart in the hands of someone who’s above the law?”

“I think you’re making quite a few assumptions, CuteGuy.”

“I can see where this is going.”

“And you think I’d be better off with you? I don’t believe we’ve met, stranger. If I didn’t know any better, I might think you’re only here to spite HotGuy.”

“The things I’m telling you are true.”

“They are. And I’ll keep them in mind. But I’m not looking to trade out one interest for another, so you don’t have to pretend like you care.” Cub turned back to his phone. Grian gritted his teeth behind closed lips.

“I think you’re cute.” Distantly, Grian heard footsteps, the fast, heavy footfalls of someone running very quickly. Cub heard them too, but he didn’t look up, so Grian didn’t either.

“I’m sure you do,” Cub said.

“I do.”

“Well thanks. I think I’m cute, too.” 

“He’ll treat you carelessly.” The footsteps were louder now, quite close.

“I’ll make that judgment for myself.”

“Hey!” HotGuy yelled from the other side of the parking lot, but apparently that was all he had in him, hunching over with his hands on his knees and panting. He jogged the rest of the way, chest still heaving, and spoke as he neared the curb, “Is,” HotGuy had to stop, not having enough air to form the words, “this guy,” another pause, shorter this time, “bothering you?” The last words fell with what looked like a massive effort, HotGuy, hunching again to breathe.

“Not really,” Cub said, not put off in the slightest. Grian didn’t bother to get up, only snorting as HotGuy caught his breath. Though that seemed to set him off, the hero jolting upright to fix Grian with a fiery glare.

“You know, I am fed up with you!”

Grian choked on his own laugh, “Fed up? You’re fed up with me?”

“I am!” if HotGuy understood Grian was laughing about his choice of words, he didn’t show it, “I can not believe you sent me on a wild goose chase tonight, when I told you I had plans! And why- why are you talking like that? You’re going to mess up your throat; I had to take tons of voice lessons to-“

“You know, I think we should go.” Cub stood up, definitive in his tone, but HotGuy didn’t move.

“Where are we going?” Grian asked, and HotGuy seethed; honestly, Grian was having trouble telling if he was legitimately pissed off or not. Cub fixed him with a glare of his own, which Grian was not expecting, and couldn’t stop himself from shrinking under the look.

“We aren’t going anywhere,” HotGuy hissed through gritted teeth, drawing his bow, and at this point, Grian was pretty sure he was actually angry. Cub had backed off considerably at this point, but behind HotGuy, Grian saw him stiffen, a far more real look of terror crossing his face.

“You can show me whatever it is you wanted to later,” Cub insisted, and Grian recognized fear in the way his voice lost all of its edge, but HotGuy clearly didn’t, not even turning around as he nocked an arrow. “No-“ 

Grian wasn’t about to wait around to find out if HotGuy was actually angry enough to shoot him, launching himself forward off the curb and under the line of fire as the arrow whistled by. He aimed to grapple HotGuy’s legs, but the hero had just enough time to retaliate with a weak kick, sending both of them stumbling in opposite directions.

Grian didn’t have time to look for Cub before HotGuy was closing the distance, and Grian had to roll out of the way to avoid another much stronger kick. He felt the boot graze his feathers, but HotGuy was vulnerable in the follow through, and slow; adrenaline didn’t change the fact he had run quite some distance, and in this state, it wouldn’t be long before he got tired. Grian rebalanced with a few beats of his wings, shooting forward before HotGuy could recover and sinking his claws into the hero’s shoulder pads, hooking his legs around his chest, and battering HotGuy’s head with his wings.

HotGuy yelped, spinning uselessly, but there wasn’t much he could do besides shield his face- at least, that’s what Grian had thought, but then he was falling- they were both falling, and Grian couldn’t even scream when HotGuy crushed him under his weight, knocking the wind cleanly from his chest. Blackness curled over his vision, but a glint of something sharp brought his sight back, just soon enough to see the wickedly barbed arrow in HotGuy’s fist, raised above his head.

“I promised not to shoot you.”

Grian was hardly aware of his own body as he moved, kicking up and connecting with something- he heard the crack of contact, but he didn’t stop moving, flipping back onto his hands and toes, with distance the only thought on his mind. 

“FuacKing-“ Grian saw HotGuy out of the corner of his eye, stumbling with his hands over his nose, “Avians. Flexible.” Blood fell from his fingertips; dark blood, always too dark. Grian never loved to see people bleed- it didn’t satisfy him, not like fear, not like bruises, but he especially disliked HotGuy’s blood. It wasn’t right. It looked sick.

HotGuy was breathing hard already, his arms holding a slight shake. Pretty bad, even for a human. Just how far had he run before to tire out so quickly now? But before Grian could make his next move, he was distracted, his eye caught by the lack of a presence, the lack of- 

A fist connected with his cheek, and Grian was violently reminded of just how fast HotGuy was, even this exhausted. If not for his wings to balance him, he would have been thrown off his feet, but HotGuy was relentless, throwing punch after punch before Grian could even hope to recover from the first. He ducked sloppily under the second, then the third, but the fourth grazed his mask, and the fifth landed squarely at the side of his head. The sixth was only dodged because Grian stumbled, and Grian didn’t even feel the seventh under his chin before he was nothing.

…

Being something again was more than unpleasant, especially being crumpled in all the wrong ways on the cement ground. Grian struggled to his hands and knees, but when he looked up, HotGuy wasn’t anywhere near him, brows hitched as he stared at his phone and paced.

HotGuy looked up at the movement, looking far more distressed than angry. “Did you tell him- tell him what this was before I got here? Why- why did you tell Poultry Man to- you made me late!” 

Grian blinked, first slowly, then faster. His face hurt. Shit, if he had a black eye he was screwed. And then he remembered. Cub was gone. 

He was too disoriented to lie. “Didn’t say anything. Just tried to keep him off you.”

A moment of anger flashed across Scar’s face, but it didn’t last, melting back into distress when he looked back down at his phone. “You must have said something. Maybe you didn’t mean to, but you must have- you- Why did I let you ruin this for me!” 

Grian grunted, his sense returning just enough to be indignant, “It was your idea, asshole. What, did he figure out this was a set up?”

“He wouldn’t have if you didn’t come early!”

“Whatever.” Grian stumbled to his feet on wobbly legs, trying to keep some amount of his dignity intact, “You’re an idiot and he’s whip-smart. Doesn’t matter what I did, he probably would’ve found you out regardless.”

“What?” HotGuy snarked, “Did you figure all that out in the twenty minutes before I got here?”

Grian couldn’t keep the sigh out of his voice. “Yeah, actually. Played me like a damn fiddle, he did. Couldn’t break through no matter what I did. This was stupid, anyway, but I’m glad I came. I hope he’s mad. Hope he hates you forever.”

“You- you’re so immature! You lost. Feel bad about it.”

“Y’know, I think I’m just going to let you dig your own grave here.”

“I- I don’t want to deal with this right now. I don’t have to deal with this. I’m going home. You suck.” HotGuy dug around in one of his pockets, producing a small envelope, “Take your damn money.”

Grian didn’t think he could get any more surprised. “You’re actually paying me?”

“Take it. And try not to be a pain in the ass next week, so maybe I can pretend like this was worth something.”

Grian stepped forward cautiously, like a mouse to a trap, then snatched the envelope from HotGuy’s hand before the wire could snap down. But HotGuy did not move, eyes glued back on his phone. 

Grian reminded himself he did not feel bad before taking off. 

Time to check the damage. Not at his apartment of course, no, he had a different location for nights like these. The money couldn’t have come at a better time; he was running out of foundation, and getting low on concealer as well. Given how badly his face ached at every corner, he had a feeling he would be covering up some nasty bruises.

[0alanasworld0]

Hero (Abde Ezzalzouli x reader)

Description: Abde gets his chance to wind down and relax with you after ending his extended season and finally with a gold medal around his neck.

warnings: sexual jokes, references to sex (no descriptions)

“HEY!” He yells , waving his arms around, a big smile plastered on his face.

Oh god. You thought. That was your surprise ruined. You were hardly close to the front row so you had hope that he wouldn't notice you among the crowds but alas. You attempt to hide your face and turn around but you can faintly hear him say something first

“I can see you, silly! No point hiding now!” He laughs and you relent, giving him a shy wave.

Everyone around you in the stadium is looking in your general direction and they take a while to register who he’s referring to. Eventually their eyes do lay on his mother who sat next to you and it doesn’t take them very long to connect the dots when they see your flustered face and the number 16 jersey that was just a little too big on you.

You can’t help but laugh as well when you see him beckon over his teammates, pointing you out to them. You want to be stern with him but he’s so cute. Ibrahim is the first to notice you among the crowd, somehow going even crazier than Abde at the sight of you.

You had grown quite close to the team. From the way Abde spoke of them when they weren’t around to the way they were when you first met them, they didn’t disappoint at all. They were indeed extremely energetic almost beyond belief, like your little cousins but somehow even more so. In a fairly short space of time, they had become family to him. 

He wasn’t overjoyed at the news of his ‘demotion’ to the under-23s. And he certainly didn’t like the word ‘demotion’ either. When he had come to terms with the fact, he was constantly reminding himself that it wasn’t that at all. Not for the role he was expected to play, anyway. Nevertheless, the social media discourse referring to it that way never failed to irritate him. 

He had no idea that he was going to become the official captain and armed with that information, he maybe wouldn’t have felt so down about his placement. The questions that constantly circled in his head soon dissipated when he first got a glimpse of that blue band. It sat pretty on the hanger which held his jersey. That was still the same at least. Another sign that he was nowhere near out of the count. He was still a part of his national team, he was still appreciated but he supposed that the new role would be perfect for his development. 

It was different from the senior team. He couldn’t blame his older teammates for passing to the safer options, of course Ounahi would think of passing to Hakim or Youssef before him. Matches needed winning and the other forwards certainly knew a lot about that. Much more than he did. Although he still wished for more chances, just a little bit of faith but alas. 

Although the first concession did almost send him swirling into a panic, he managed to pull himself together and was sure to not repeat old mistakes. His teammates trusted him with everything as captain and he wasn’t going to break that. This would seal off his redemption if all went well.

“Went well” didn’t do him justice at all. The trust from his teammates and coaches was turning him into a true monster. Everything was on the upturn: his passing, communication, decision-making. He wasn’t the little Neymar-wannabe he used to be, he was serious and he was going to fight tooth and nail for the win.

That fire was exactly what led him to the present. They made reaching the finals look so easy, it was almost funny but now was the true test. It was no secret that Egypt had been achieving similar performances. They were good. In the intimidating way: darkness on their faces, ruthless, knew how to get under players’ skin. Abde had picked up on enough of their habits to know just how to work around them. They were good but there were weak points he was going to take advantage of. He was worried, of course, but more than anything he was excited.

“Man, you had better not let your girl distract you!” Ayman slaps the back of his head and Abde pushes him off, attempting to shake off his love-struck haze.

“Oh please, this is just more motivation! Not like you would know what this is like!” Abde scoffs and he’s met with another slap on the head before they both get back to warming up.

Of course, you couldn’t hear a word but you were worried about him being distracted too. You hoped that your presence would be a surprise for the end of the match - you were pretty sure of the result even if he wasn't - he wasn’t supposed to catch you out like this among the crowd. Apparently fate had other plans.

Your worries didn’t really settle because even while warming up, he was constantly looking over at you and pointing you out to even more of his teammates and making cute little faces. It was sweet and your heart fluttered at the idea that he always had you on his mind, enough to catch you in the middle of such a crazy mob like this one. Proud to show you off to anyone and everyone who would entertain him. Nonetheless, he needed to get his head in the game and eventually coach Charai does, physically, knock some sense into him and he finally diverts his attention away from you.

The start of the match is far from picture-perfect, the team looks good but much to their annoyance, Egypt does too. And they’re not going easy on your love either. Every chance he gets on the ball feels like a death-wish with the tackles they were trying. Especially with the first concession, an absolute screamer of a longshot, they don’t back down. They look hungrier and their tackles get more and more reckless. 

Of course Abde had anticipated it, he wouldn’t dare let himself get injured like that but he could certainly frame the players for trying. His plan finally comes to fruition with one wrong move. A tackle that digs straight into Abde’s ankle and you wince immediately. It looks awful and you couldn’t tell whether it was one of those times he was playing it up. Thankfully a red card comes after what felt like years of deliberating. Of course, your Abde got up just fine, raring to go with the new advantage they had.

But still, they’re a pain to break past. There was no doubt that the boys were doing great, but still. They still needed that cut-through, they weren’t going down without the fight of their lives, that was for sure. 

It feels like years but it’s a very welcomed shock to the system when one finally does bury itself into the back of the net. As the crowd around you goes wild, the only thing you can feel is relief. You can’t even bring yourself to scream because you were beyond exhausted. The stress you were feeling from the match was finally simmering down. They were still in it, far from being done. 

Once again, you feel your heart in your throat as your love goes to take a free kick. What was most certainly going to be the last of the night. You knew that free kicks were far from his specialty, he’d complained about his inability to take them in the past. You were always so sure that he was simply being harsh on himself but at this very moment, you hoped with everything you had that your assumption was correct. There was an underlying fear that he was, in fact, right. The way he was taking his sweet time didn't really help either.

You can feel the tension in the air, the otherwise ear-shattering screeching of the crowd quieting into an uncomfortable silence. It was almost painful, the sense of dread was apparent across the stadium.

You can see Abde finally set the ball down, Bilal pushing a player that was getting too close for any of their liking. One thing catches your eye, though. A straggling player to Abde’s side, barely moving. It was as if he was trying as hard as he could to remain invisible. Not a single Egyptian player thought to mark him so perhaps it was working.

It was as if you could hear the entire stadium suck in a breath as Abde takes his step towards the ball and you all expect a rocket of a ball to fly through, the Egyptian players do too as they all jump from their wall formation in an attempt to clear but nothing. A quick cross to his side, barely visible and right to the straggler. It has everyone in the box completely blindsided and there's a frantic scatter, a mix of red and white shirts all pushing and shoving. It's all so messy that the ball flies, almost completely unnoticed from the straggler and finally, FINALLY, into the back of the net.

It's almost too quick to process and there's a moment of near-complete silence as realisation settles in. The roar that emanates across the little stadium is practically deafening, ear-popping. 15 minutes on the clock and the deadlock finally broken. The red shirts all piling in on each other to celebrate the breakthrough. Your Abde may not have had the best track record with free-kick goal attempts but he certainly had his wits about him.

This time, you scream. As loud as you can manage. You can’t hear yourself amidst all the other chaos but you feel your throat strain. It was so close, you could envision your love already lifting that trophy. You were confident now because if there was one thing this team knew how to do, it was defend. They would do it with their lives. 15 minutes.

Chaos was what it was. A blur of tackles and wasteful long passes by your beloved red shirts. Screams of frustration from the whites. A little bit of extra time-wasting and showboating by Bellaarouch who was perhaps treading very fine line but with 5 minutes on the clock, you supposed that he could care less. 

It was evident that the Egyptian players had all but given up. Their best players off the pitch now to be replaced with subs that, if anything, were only wasting more time for themselves. Some rather pathetic last-ditch attempts at earning a penalty, their only hope, but it was very clearly over.

You reach the dying seconds of the game and the tension rebuilds itself rapidly as you all await the final whistle. So so close. The wait was painful and you supposed that your impatience wasn't really speeding things up.

The players and coaches all lined up at the edges of the pitch, hands on their heads. Some raise theirs in prayer. Literal seconds. An exhausted Egyptian and an antsy Moroccan one. Seconds and the stadium had gone quiet as everyone awaited that final whistle. 

You can only hear the beautiful sound for a second before the whole stadium is lit up with screams and sparklers. It was pure electricity in there, it moved throughout the stadium and through your body. Visceral. Some manage to make it onto the pitch from the front seats and the players are all piling on each other to celebrate. The Egyptian players all frozen in their spots, defeated as ever and with very little sympathy from the sea of red that surrounded them. 

You only see the flash of red for a second before you’re enveloped in his arms and it quite literally knocks the breath out of you. He was so excited and had seemingly forgotten how strong he was so the impact paired with the squeeze around your frame was a shock to your system. The adrenaline is rushing through you too so you manage to recover too, one hand on his back and the other on the back of his head, pulling him into your neck and you feel his tears fall onto your shoulder. Months and months of doubting himself, hours of you talking him down from his panicked ramblings. All of that pain and stress had finally settled and it all felt so worth it. He had come so far and words couldn’t describe just how proud you were of him.

He pulls his face from your neck and lets his forehead rest against yours. Lips only centimetres away from yours and you can see his eyes drift. There’s nothing you want to do more than kiss him, among other things, but with the crowd surrounding you - and his mum right there - you knew it would be best to wait.

“Abde, behave yourself.” you whisper so only he could hear and he grins, rolling his eyes and opting to kiss your forehead and the tip of your nose before hugging you to his chest. You could feel him physically relaxing for the first time in what felt like forever. He rocks you back and forth for a while before letting you go and trapping his mum in the same, bone-crushing hug. 

He has to leave you both again as the podiums were laid out for the awards ceremony, the gold medals all ready and waiting for them. Abde’s golden boot, his first ever, waiting there as well alongside the AFCON trophy. Your heart could burst with pride for him and it felt like a genuine possibility when you watched him receive his golden boot. You weren’t as far away anymore so you could see the look on his face: amazement and disbelief. Of course, you had always known what he could do but even with the award in his hands he still couldn’t believe it. 

You quickly grew impatient as you waited for him to receive his medal because of course he had placed himself at the back of the line. The silver medallists get it over with pretty quickly, barely looking up and avoiding the camera flashes, only a few of them keeping the medals on as they walked down the line. It felt like time had slowed to a near pause as the Moroccan players received their accolades. And of course, the love of your life was right at the back of the line as he held the responsibility of lifting the trophy as well. You were growing antsy, counting down the players until it was finally time. The shock had finally worn off and now he just looked ecstatic. He had recently developed a not-so-nice habit of denying himself such celebrations but it seemed that he was finally allowing himself to revel in the satisfaction.

 He gets the first lift of the trophy to himself before he’s ushered to where his teammates were all standing. He takes his sweet time to reach them, in bouncing steps; much like his football hero only months prior. One final, especially a big leap and he finally raises the trophy with his vice captain almost perfectly in-sync with the beat of the music. Green, red and gold streamers everywhere and fireworks lighting up the sky above. 

Once the main photos are taken and after yet another victory lap of the stadium, Abde rushes over to you and practically drags you, his mum and his brother down to the field so you could all celebrate properly.

The cheering felt so different on the grass, it hadn’t quietened down at all and the way it all just surrounded you now. It was something so so special. The noise and colours hit you in every direction equally and you felt overwhelmed yet amazed at the same time. He takes you around so you can meet with his teammates again, now without the stress of the match weighing them down. His arm doesn’t leave your shoulder once as you make your rounds. As always, ready and waiting to show you off to everyone.

Although you don’t say, he knows that you don’t find any of the conversations particularly entertaining. How could you? Your world was so different from his and even though you were so deeply in love with each other in spite of it all, he could never blame you for struggling to understand things. He makes sure to slip a joke to you every once in a while, whispering in your ear the second everyone’s looking away, sneaking in gentle kisses onto your cheek and temple. At least you both think everyone’s looking away but the photographers had gotten quite sneaky so some of the sweet moments were captured anyway. The internet would have a field day with those photos, as they always did. 

Over the course of the on-field celebrations, his arm drifts down from your shoulder to your waist which he gently squeezes every once in a while, just to remind you that your AFCON gold-medallist was still there and soon to be all yours.

Once the main crowd on the field had left, many of the journalists and photographers, he ushers you all to sit down on the podium steps and before you go to sit next to him, you feel him gently tugging at your wrist. You pause, looking at him in slight confusion and he pats the spot in front of him and between his legs. Your eyes widen, slightly bewildered and he shrugs nonchalantly, pulling you down so you could finally relax. It wasn’t like his family cared anyway, they adored you as if you were theirs and there was no doubt that you were a good influence on their boy. 

Although you manage to create some distance between the pair of you, he’s not having any of it so he wraps his arms around your middle and pulls you so that your back is against his chest. Thankfully his mum appears to be distracted talking to one of the other players but his brother was very much still there and you could hear him chuckle. He didn’t mind the behaviour at all but he found Abde’s infatuation with you absolutely hilarious. It wasn’t even just now, it was a pattern of behaviours that left him without a doubt in his mind about how in love his little brother was with you. It was impressive. 

“You idiot, there are still photographers around!” you scold and he only responds with a kiss to your temple.

“Anjo, come on! I deserve a reward, no?” he teases and you roll your eyes, although he can’t see. You imagined he was quite proud of that double-meaning. You pretend to be annoyed but the second you hear him start to laugh, you can’t help but chuckle quietly at his dumb joke.

Once you finally relax into his hold, he’s quick to remove the medal from around his neck and place it around yours instead. You distract yourself playing with the heavy, golden disc as he gives his final interviews of the night. You know he’s done when his head drops down onto your shoulder and his hands move to cup yours.

“We really did it.” he sighs as you press a quick kiss to his cheek.

“I told you!” you point out and he hides his face in the crook of your neck while you tease him. He keeps you close for a while, enjoying the way you were loosening up a little as the last of the photographers left. The final few did manage to sneak some more shots of the pair of you before leaving but that was the next day's problem, you were none the wiser for the time-being.

“The armband looks nice.” you mumble and he smirks.

“You’ve mentioned it one or two times.” He wants to tease you more for your infatuation with the thing, maybe get a few more compliments or even a hint as to what was to come. but alas he’s whisked away by his teammates for the locker room celebrations while the rest of you are ushered to where the after party was going to be.

Eventually his brother and mum end their night early and make their way back to the hotel but not before waving Abde their goodbyes. A congratulatory hug from his mum and a punch from his brother, just like when they were younger. 

The party itself is quite the spectacle, the hotel reception lavishly decorated and filled with all of the players’ family members. The excited chatter was somewhat refreshing from the noise of the stadium with the emotions still running sky-high. Yet there was some semblance of peace, you could hear your thoughts and somehow that only made things more exciting and you were itching to see the love of your life come through those doors again, you certainly weren’t going to be leaving him for the rest of the night. 

You make use of the spare time to go and talk with your fellow WAGs but the room nears silence when the hotel staff announce the players’ imminent entrance. You didn’t need much indication because you could hear their loud yapping from a mile away. The tense silence is worth it when you manage to spook the boys with the loudest cheers and hollers you could all manage. It was like being back at the stadium when the party quickly hit full-swing, the cheering and the chants echoing down the walls of the venue. It was pretty large but it somehow became suffocating as you weaved through the crowds trying to find YOUR winner. He was searching too, you couldn’t have been too difficult to spot with the giant gold medal still around your neck.

After a good couple minutes of scanning, he’s finally able to spot you lost as ever in the middle of the hall, frantically looking around. He’s quick to end your misery, bounding over, tunnel-vision preventing him from responding to anyone trying to talk to him. He doesn’t want to scare you too badly so he resists the urge to pick you up and hug you from behind. Instead, a little tap on your shoulder and he’s only able to saviour the relief on your face for a split second before you throw yourself at him for a hug.

“I missed you.” you mumble into his ear and he presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“We were only out for a couple of hours!” he laughs and you remove your head from under his chin, creating a bit of distance before slapping his chest.

“I don’t see your point.” you say matter-of-factly, returning to resting your head on his chest while he rocks you both back and forth. You hoped that you would be able to stay like this for a lot longer than the hug in the stands but he’s pulled off you and you’re both dragged to the centre of the hall and up onto the tables as the chanting began once more.

Abde manages to get his instagram live working again to share the craziness with everyone, for once featuring you which has the live chat even more stoked than before. He kept his family life as private as he possibly could and he had been pretty successful in that, no one outside of his circle even knew the amount of siblings he had. He was even more secretive about you. Your face was known and practically nothing else so any little snippet of your relationship elicited a lot of excitement from the fans. There were a few photos of the pair of you celebrating together and he had mentioned you a handful of times during his interviews. That was really all they had and you were happy to keep it that way. Break-up rumours circulated pretty often with the lack of content but it only served to make the pair of you laugh.

Today, emotions were running high. All positive of course so having the pair of you on live together didn’t feel wrong at all, you were too overcome with excitement to care about any of that. Not the haram police, not the jealous girls that lurked around his page, none of that mattered today.

The party goes on for what feels like years and you’re both so relieved by the time you reach the hotel room. It was lavish to say the least, nothing but the best for you but he hadn’t spent much time in there himself. And for the little time he did spend, he was strictly off any “boyfriend-girlfriend” activities, as much as that pained him. Having you massage his aching muscles at the end of his gruelling training sessions did a number on him yet he couldn’t do anything. And you certainly weren’t one to go against the rules either.

He had plenty of images in his head of all the things he wanted to do to you, and you had plenty of ideas of how you were going to reward him but the second he fell onto the bed… 

“Anjo I don’t think i can move from here.” he sounds disappointed of course but you couldn’t blame him. It had been a rough few weeks, non-stop work as a kay player and captain. He didn’t have time to be exhausted for a solid two weeks and it was crashing down the very second his mind was freed of the stresses of the tournament.

You make your way out of the en-suite, makeup off and only donning one of his shirts over your underwear.

“You could at least get yourself under the covers, no?” you joke and he thinks for a second.

“Well I was hoping that, y’know…” he leaves the statement open, hoping that you’ll catch onto his request because now that he’s actually able to take a second, his back is absolutely killing him. He manages to get his shirt off, not without groaning in pain and you finally do catch on.

“Can you keep the armband?” you ask quietly, and he laughs, enduring the pain he feels in his back even from that. He doesn’t press further and he relents, leaving it on for you.

You quickly get yourself into position, grabbing the lotion and straddling the backs of his thighs. His back is peppered with bruises and a couple of nasty looking scrapes, scabbed over so you supposed he got those in one of his many scraps in the last match. 

You start with the knots on the back of his neck and he immediately sinks into the sheets, sighing out in relief as you worked your magic on his tense and sore muscles. Even with the massages you gave him in between every training session, after the other matches, nothing could hold up against the amount of work he was doing. Of course it was all worth it in the end, the gold medal very much still around your neck. But it had taken its toll on his body and he was finally processing the amount of pain he was in.

you’re careful to not put too much pressure on his bruises as you slowly work your way down his back. He gives you the occasional grunt of approval, sighing as he feels the pain melt away at the tips of your fingers.

“So warm…” he compliments, taking a deep breath in and revelling in the way it didn’t hurt anywhere near as badly as it did before you worked your magic.

“That’s my freak trick!” you joke, it was true though. Your hands were always weirdly warm, even in the cold winter months. Your hands always persisted as mini space heaters and it was something he absolutely adored about you. His hands always firmly grasped yours whenever he needed warming up.

“You’re not a freak!” you scoff at that.

“You’re not! You’re an angel who’s perfect in every way, hands and all.” he assures and you chuckle at his certainty, he really never gave you room to doubt yourself. You were the definition of pure perfection in his eyes. Nothing could come close to you and when you did things like this for him, it only solidified his beliefs.

“Those defenders were…”

“Getafe-standard ankle-breakers.” he mutters, annoyed at even the thought of them. Not that he was wrong, playing low-block in what was supposed to be a super important final was… a choice. And indeed very akin to Getafe.

“You got the better of them though, hmm? Made them look like fools out there.”

“Not before they tried to shatter my legs. That Diomande guy from Mali… now THAT'S a real defender!” he admits. He may have had an ego but you loved the way he was able to appreciate other players around him, even opposition. 

“What about the blond one? The Hopper?”

“Oh Atef? Yeah, he was an advantage to us if anything. How do you waste the dying minutes of a game YOU’RE losing to try and bag a penalty when you knock YOURSELF out?” he wonders and you can’t help but laugh. He was right, everyone had expected much better out of the guy who was supposed to be replacing their best player. You were sure Abde didn’t mind it at all. At the very least, they didn’t make the same mistake as they did against Mali. 

You continue to go about the expanse of his back, trying to keep him talking so he wouldn’t fall asleep on top of the covers. Asking about other players he had come across, his teammates, he mentions a food place that he wanted to take you to the next day.

By the time you’re done with him, he’s just about awake but you can tell that he’s ready to drift off at any given minute. You bend down to press soft kisses across the expanse of his back and shoulders, your hands doing one final swoop over the ridges and bumps, quietly admiring all the hard work he had put in. You thought he was built like a greek statue before but he had turned things up a notch and you were beyond obsessed.

“I love you, you know that right?” you mumble into the back of his neck and he hums in satisfaction and pleasure. He felt so much lighter after the massage but your soft lips doing a once-over? He felt like a whole new man.

“I love you more.” he mutters and you laugh. You’ve had this competition far too many times.

“You keep telling yourself that.” you move off him and tug at the blankets, hauling them over the pair of you. He shuffles towards you, finding comfort with his face pressed against your neck and arms wrapping around your middle. You keep one hand in his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp to further help him drift off.

On a normal night, you would continue the little competition but he was beyond words at this point so you don’t speak another word. The comfortable silence and the feeling of your heart-beat lulls him to a peaceful, well-deserved slumber. You can feel his breaths slow and his grip around your waist loosen and you’re not too far behind him, allowing the sleep to take you over as well.

Your sleep is perfect and you wake up pretty early in the morning. Thankfully, before Abde so you get your chance to execute your plan. Somehow, during the night, you ended up back in your usual sleep position with you on top. The strong arm around your waist is still there but his grip is iron. It takes a while but you manage to wiggle out without waking him, although he does furrow his eyebrows and groan softly before quieting back down. 

You tiptoe to the bathroom and try to freshen up as quietly as you can manage. No makeup but you do your best to wash away the tiredness from your face before making your way back to the main bedroom. Not ideal but he is already up, wiping his eyes as he scans the room, a little confused with your absence but his eyes fill with relief when he sees you.

“Anjo?” you don’t respond just yet, slowly removing your sleep shirt to reveal what you had intended to treat him with yesterday. You supposed today would work just fine as well. His eyes widen a little but he’s quick to regain his composure and smirks as you saunter over to the queen-sized bed. The underwear really didn’t leave much to the imagination but you still heated up under his gaze, he made no effort to hide the way he was undressing you with his eyes.

“All for me?” he asks, as if he didn’t already know that answer very very well.

“You didn’t think I was going to let my captain go unrewarded for his work, did you?’ you pout as you place your legs on either side of his thighs. His hands rest on your hips and he draws small circles with the pads of his thumbs as he awaits your next move.

He has an idea before you can do anything though, carefully reaching the side of the bed frame to grab his gold medal. He places it around your neck and relaxes back into the bed, hands back on your hips.

“Come on, anjo. I think I’ve waited long enough…” 

heyyyyy... how y'all doing... I think I've got my motivation back lmfao. Stay in tuned for part two!!!!

[ntrlily]

I have been considering getting into Linux but the only thing holding me back is game support really, as I'm primarily a PC gamer. How difficult would you say dual booting really is (as in, "how difficult is it to achieve" *and* "how difficult/quick is it to swap between OSes")? Does specific distro affect the difficulty? Do you think it would be worth it?

Also, what are your favorite or recommended distros? I've been told about a few mainly on fedi but haven't looked too far into many. Mint gets frequently recommended, for instance.

Thanks!

I have actually never dual booted before, so opening that up to anyone reading who has! I don't think it's more difficult with one distro compared to another, probably. It is fairly easy to set up as far as I'm aware, your install disc should have an option to set dual booting up for you, nothing too arcane. But anything past that, I don't know much about.

Personally vanilla Debian is my favorite but Ubuntu-based distros have the advantage of being the distros that Valve targets, like the build of Steam on their site is specifically built for those distros. You can get Steam running on other types of Linux though, but that is still an advantage for gaming stuff. (Among other things, it's not uncommon for "game with a Linux build" to really mean "game with an Ubuntu build")

Mint is Ubuntu-based, but the defaults for it are more user-friendly so imo it makes a good distro for gamers.

I personally consider it worth it, some of it is my personal philosophy and some of it is more basic practical stuff like Linux running faster, having better UI customization, not having all the bloat and adware that comes on a fresh install of Windows (although there are means to remove that bloat, of course)

Also not having to reboot and lock my computer to update, oh my god.

Extra notes for gaming, now that I have a Linux gaming setup to reference from:

The current thing I mainly have issues with is MMOs with client-side anti-cheat, some of them really don't want to play with Linux compatibility tools. There are people who have gone to efforts to get these running on Linux but it's a pain in the ass and I don't care enough to do that.

Proton GE can be really helpful for some games. I run most of my games through vanilla wine, but I did end up needing GE to run FF7R. If you're not already a Linux user with Existing Ways You Do Things, just running things through Steam+Proton is generally going to work out just fine for you. You can play pirated Windows games this way too, just add them as non-Steam games and run them through Steam.

If you have very recent hardware, and are going with Mint or another Ubuntu-based distro, go for the edge edition. The old kernel on the standard edition can be kinda finicky with brand new hardware.

[nacrelysis]

on the akasha terminal & the archon quest

i want to point out that the original function of the akasha terminal, per nahida's words, is "to compile people's wisdom in the name of their archon."

wisdom is sacred in sumeru. in that sense, the akasha terminal was sacred not because it was created by rukkhadevata, but because it created an archive of knowledge for everyone to use. because it made wisdom - and the pursuit of it - accessible. because people could voluntarily offer their experiences to the akasha in the hopes that it could help any one person now or in the future.

the sages bastardized that. they turned the akasha from a sacred archive for the common people to a method of dependence, to the point that it was almost too easy for them to abuse it. all it took was any person in power at the akademiya to rewrite the code, and then they had all of sumeru's dreams at their disposal - eventually, they had all of sumeru's people at their disposal. these sages didn't see the common folk as people. they saw them as deposits of knowledge they could farm again and again, down to the last child, as long as they could achieve their hubris.

and here's the thing - i think i recall that eleazar is fairly well-known amongst the population. it's not common, but it's not rare. so the fact that the sages knowingly put people with chronic illness into a mentally strenuous and never-been-done-before time loop for their 'human god' makes it even more vile.

but, like, that's the point, right?

the sages don't see the people as people. they don't see their workers as workers. they don't see their scholars as scholars. the akasha never did anything except provide the means for their greed.

to them, it was only ever the akasha terminal - a tool built by rukkhadevata to help sumeru survive without an archon, yet twisted into a malformed reminder of a dead god and a refusal to move on.

(gee, i wonder what parallel that has in our current reality...what's a technology that could be used for collective good yet abused by people in power, transforming its function into a sorry replacement for the vivid and invaluable fragments of the human experience? a technology useless without its collection of knowledge and art it takes from humans, yet credited as the original source of wisdom? a technology weaponized to dehumanize artists and writers and any form of labor in favor of profit? wow, I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD BE.)

(it starts with a and ends with i)

however, during traveler's fight with shouki no kami, nahida uses the akasha terminal to collect data from all 168 loops of the battle and asking the people of sumeru to help devise a way to defeat the balladeer.

so. the thing is. that she asked.

she didn't brute-force it. she didn't leech the information. she didn't threaten them to sit down and run calculations on how to make the shouki no kami fall on its face.

nahida has all the power to do that - even more than the sages had - and yet she didn't. she used the akasha for what she herself created it for... voluntary compiling of knowledge, with consent from the people, for intent of collective benefit.

the sages first used the akasha terminal to further their own arbitrary, illogical, selfish goals, regardless of the toll it took on the people.

nahida is both the first and last person to use the akasha terminal, and she uses it to secure sumeru's safety. the akasha was only the conduit, just as it was always meant to be...a tool, not a crutch.

shouki no kami wasn't defeated by a god's wisdom, by technology, or by even the traveler alone. that battle belongs to the people of sumeru.

i dunno. i think it's cool that the sumeru archon quest also has an underlying message regarding the use of advanced technology in the process of creation.

and, like, totally not in the light of current events, but i think it's worth remembering that the exploitation of people...is always a choice someone actively makes.

[strwberri-milk]

I’m thinking of kaeya x reader Academic rivals to lovers

i just have to say kaeya is a habitual smirker and if i ever met him i think id cry really hard bc hes just so pretty with a smirk

I think just generally, Kaeya isn't too competitive. He's pretty confident with himself and where is in in life, and really enjoys the system he's got going on right now. He doesn't have to worry about too much outside of his own work, so he just goes to class and then goes home.

However, that all changed when one day, you ran up to him, showed off your better grade, then ran off. He knew who you were and somewhere in the back of his mind it registered that you're his rival of some sort as you also had pretty high grades, but he never though to care until now.

The fact that you were celebrating your victory against him meant he clearly was missing out on some competition and he had no interest in losing now that you've directly challenged him.

Kaeya seems like he doesn't care about his grades since he doesn't seem to do any work outside of school. He finishes his assignments fairly quickly and doesn't spend the entire exam break preparing for his tests. Instead, he's going out or just hanging around while everyone around him struggles, which is why you thought knocking him off his high pedestal was going to be easy.

You had no idea that he was easily maintaining his position above you through the power of time management and ridiculously high standards. Kaeya expects himself to do well, and anything falling short of that will not make it to the grading process. Having such a low tolerance for failure meant he aimed for perfection on the first go, and if he didn't achieve that it meant locking himself in his room for days on end until he did. He was just really good at hiding his academic panic.

When you got a higher grade then him again, as well as props for doing so good on the assignment he decided it was time to take things seriously. He started focusing harder on his assignments, doing even more work than he usually would, and looking especially smug when he retaliated with a simple flourish of his own grade.

You didn't expect him to pick up so fast, nor for your victory to be short-lived but you refuse to go down this easily. Now, you knew you had to up the ante, not caring about getting good grades only for yourself but also to rub that ridiculously handsome smirk off his face.

He found it amusing to see how you were now practically attached to him, constantly trying to get information out of him and see if he'd tell you what his plans for the next assignment were to beat him, or see if you could distract him enough to flunk a test. It seemed to always fail as he always just barely glanced at you or would finish his exam first and then give you a wink before running off.

The tension between the two of you only built on your end. Kaeya found you very adorable, and didn't seem to mind too much the way you tagged after him because he knew he could just keep winning. Once the end of the semester finally came he decided to really up the ante, waiting for you outside of the classroom before dragging you off somewhere privately.

"Kaeya! Let me go I have to get home and start the final project!"

You try to yank your arm out of his grasp and he lets you, standing against the tree with his arms crossed against his chest. He seems to invite you to leave, but something compels you to stay. The two of you stare at each other before he finally speaks, not of course without that signature smirk of his.

"I'm glad to see you're taking our little rivalry seriously. I thought you had given up after that dumpster fire of your last assignment."

You gasp, offended he would say that and huff.

"It's not my fault you got only 2% higher than I did." He shakes his head, tsking scoldingly.

"I only got 2% because that was all that was left to get! I could have done better if I needed to."

This part of him infuriated you. It was clear to you he only dragged you out here to humiliate you and you make to leave. You liked it back when he was ignoring you and the two of you barely spoke and just flashed grades at each other with sneers. Actually talking to him was draining and you didn't feel like dealing with him right now.

"Now come on, don't tell me you're going to leave before I give you an offer to make our last competition for the year more interesting."

"Fine but make it quick," you say, turning to face him again.

"Loser has to do whatever the winner wants." You roll your eyes.

"I'm not going to humiliate myself for you. You really think I'm that dumb?"

"Come on, I'll even tell you what I'll do when I win! That way you can be more motivated to lose."

"You mean when you lose?" He laughs, the sound alighting your chest.

"Considering the result of the last assignment I wouldn't bet on that. When I win I'm going to take you to dinner."

You stare at him with wide eyes, trying to see if he was joking. He seems to not be, casually twirling a lock of his hair as he waits for your response.

"If the idea of that is so detestable I'm sure you'll work hard to win."

You detect the slightest hint of hurt in his voice, masked with his signature aloofness. You bite your lip a little, gnawing on it as you think.

"Fine, but when I win I'm choosing where we go."

His face lights up before he quickly clears his throat and turns around. You think you can see the tips of his ears turning the slightest bit pink, smiling to yourself as the fire underneath you is lit again at the added stakes to the competition.

"Deal," he says, leaning down and sealing the conditions with the soft press of his lips against yours.

[bp-zb1fics]

hi! it’s me the anon who requested best sellers such as “shy shy shy” and “the perils of dating you” (im gonna just call myself anon 🐰 since i’m in here all the time😭) but i’m back with another req!!

this time it’ll be

-gunwook x male reader

-gunwook having a crush (confession included) on reader

-fluff/humor

-same year/university au!

it’s readers birthday and gunwook has always had a crush on reader. they share a lot of the same classes and same friend group but he never had the chance to talk (or confess) to reader so this year he decides to leave presents on readers desks for his birthday leading up to his big confession!

maybe throw in some challenges for gunwook (like maybe an older brother sung hanbin oop🤭) but you can go about this however you want you always do a great job in your writing!

-🐰

The perils of confessing to you~

pairing: park gunwook x male reader

genre: university au on some crack (same verse as perils of asking and sunbaenim), fluff, humour

tw/tags: planning confession, pining, gunwook’s hyung and gyuvin ftw, pda, flirting, yes gunwook’s hyung is the scarier park brother, hanbin being equally scary, it’s giving overprotective but unhinged, cheesy messages (I also cringe), lots of banter, we’ll never know what the final gift was

wc: 1928

Summary: gunwook plans to confess to you on your birthday. The plan doesn’t exactly go as planned.

a/n hi 🐰anon! Tysm for sending such fun reqs, I really never thought I could write this much comedy bc I’m really not a funny person. This fic took a diff direction from what I had in mind but I hope you like it! And since it’s the same au, gunwook’s hyung and Gyuvin are dating, it is canon~

check my pinned for more fics!

It wasn’t that Gunwook was used to winning.

Sure, he had an impressive track record. Medals from debate competitions and football matches, consistent class president or vice president certificates for every year that he was in school. Sure he was successful. But that wasn’t because he won at everything he did, 100% success rate without trying.

No, it wasn’t that Gunwook was used to winning, it’s that he knew how to win. His strategy was foolproof, carefully tweaked and reworked to fit the goal he was trying to achieve.

And now? The goal was different.

It was, arguably, the most important of Gunwook’s life and he wanted to win desperately.

The goal? Confess to you with a 99.99% success rate of you saying yes.

And like any other goal that he’s had, Gunwook had to make a plan. A winning strategy. And no, it wouldn’t be long or complicated or fussy. Gunwook liked his plans to be as simple as possible. Simple is best, he’d like to think.

So yes, Gunwook’s plan to confess to you consisted of 4 simple steps. Sounds pretty easy, yeah? Well unfortunately, life is not that simple as Gunwook would soon find out. And confessing to you? Well it might get a little more complicated than he thinks.

1.Start Early

This step was fairly easy. He’s got about a month till your birthday. More time would be ideal but it was still a good number of days. He needed to collect intel, your class schedule for one, he did share a few classes with you. Your likes and dislikes, another important list he needed to make, nothing would throw a wrench in his plans like accidentally doing something that would make you angry or annoyed or upset. Huh, maybe he could-

“Gunwook?”

His laptop slams shut. Gunwook sends out a prayer to the universe that he looks normal and not at all scheming about how to confess to you as he lifts his head to meet your curious stare. You fidget a little, nibbling slightly at your bottom lip.

Cute, he thinks. No Gunwook, now is not the time.

“Sorry, is it not a good time?” You hesitate and he’s scrambling to reassure you. In his head, of course. No scrambling will be witnessed by you.

“No, no, it’s all good. I wasn’t working on anything important.” Spectacular acting, great job.

“Oh! Okay, uh well your hyung was looking for you and um, I think he said you weren’t answering your phone? Something about dinner, I think. And yeah, just happened to see you there.” You laugh a little as Gunwook’s unbothered expression took a shade similar to panic.

“Oh! Oh shit- uh, I mean, I’m sorry.” Cool, Gunwook, be cool. Come on. 

“It’s really no problem.” You assure him and wow, your smile is really nice. He wants to stand there in appreciate it for a moment but-

“Um, so would you need to go?” Ah shit.

“Right! Right!” You watch as he hurriedly packs his things, stuffing them into his bag and making to leave. Then, he pauses and turns back to you.

“I’ll see you around?”

You’re not quite sure why it’s phrased like a question but-

“Yeah, see you when I see you.” 

Gunwook doesn’t see the way you watch his retreating back, wishing that maybe you could’ve-

2. Form a Reliable Team

“So let me get this straight. You want me to help you confess to Sung junior?”

“...yes hyung.”

“And you want to do it for his birthday?”

“Well, I was thinking maybe it starts a little earlier than his birthday, one gift every day leading up to it for a week?”

“Mhmm and where will you get the money to buy all these gifts?

“...maybe 3 days before?”

“Okay, sounds reasonable.”

“Soo, can you help with this?”

“Wookie.” Gunwook looks at his hyung whose expression seems to waver between encouragement and exasperation.

“You know I love you and I will always support you especially when your feelings are so sincere. And Hanbin-hyung is one of the nicest people I know. Seriously, he is. But you do know that he gets a little crazy when it comes to his younger brother?”

“More like insane.” Gyuvin chimes in and Gunwook just remembers that his hyung’s boyfriend is there too. “Seriously I’m glad that I ended up-”

“You’re glad you ended up what, huh?” Gunwook and Gyuvin collectively flinch, all too familiar with that tone.

“Nothing aein~”

“Mhmm that’s what I thought.”

“Saranghae~” Ugh, right in front of Gunwook’s dinner? Really?

“I love you more Gyuvinie~” God, Gyuvin’s got heart eyes and he’s leaning and nope-

“Gross, hyung. We’re in public.”

His hyung raised an eyebrow, looking at the empty restaurant they were in, save for another couple tucked in the back corner doing exactly what his hyung and Gyuvin would be if he wasn’t sitting with them.

“Mhmm, public, you say. Wookie, you’re a smart boy, tell me, who’s paying for your dinner?”

“...you hyung.”

“And why are we eating here?”

“Because I like the food here.”

“And why should we let hyung do what he wants?”

“Because hyung loves me very much and he’s allowed to love his boyfriend as much as he wants too.” Gunwook recites dutifully.

“Very nice, Wookie, you’re so smart, that’s exactly what I thought.”

Gunwook shoves more food into his mouth, pointedly avoiding eye contact with either of them. Gyuvin’s eyes have gotten so wide that they look like they’re about to pop out of his head. He also looks either like he’s absolutely terrified or completely in love. Maybe a bit of both.

‘Gyuvinie~”

“...Yes aein?”

“Tell me, who’s the scarier Park here?”

“...You are, aein.”

“That’s what I thought.

Maybe Gunwook should rethink the whole confessing thing. If this was what a relationship looked like, he wasn’t sure if he wanted that. You do, a traitorous voice in the back of his head whispers. 

…Yes he does.

2. Form a Reliable Team 

Have semi-supportive hyungs that make you feel single and motivate you to confess even more

3. Make Thoughtful slogans and posters Gifts

They’ve got one class where the professor likes them seated alphabetically, mostly so she can call on someone and also look them right in the eye while she does. Gunwook hates it. He didn’t come to college to feel like he was in highschool again. The only good thing about it was he knew exactly where you sat and no one would be taking your seat by mistake.

His first gift is your favourite snack. He’s seen you eating enough times to deduce that. But also, you told him one day when he asked about it. Because past him knew that future him was going to need it, definitely so. 

Your face immediately lights up when you see it. Gunwook fist pumps under his desk. He watches inconspicuously as you carefully tuck the snack into your bag and take the note he left with it (type-written because he’s not sure if you’ll recognise his handwriting but also he’s lent you notes before so he doesn’t want to take any chances).

I noticed this was your favorite~ did you know you’re my favourite too? Enjoy! Sincerely, your secret admirer

Your cheeks flush a little and Gunwook resists the very real urge to jump up from his desk and do a little happy dance. Luckily the professor comes in and stops him from doing so.

The next day, he gives you a teddy bear.

Well, more like Ricky does. After much convincing, his hyung had gotten one of his friends from the foreign student society to hand it to you. Gunwook had to make sure it was someone neither of you knew well, you know, to keep it lowkey.

Here’s something to cuddle, hope I get to cuddle with you too~ 

His hyung outright snorted when he read the note.

“God Wookie, Gyuvinie says cheesy things like that all the time but this really makes me want to-”

He stops himself. 

“Well at least I know you really like him.”

“...Did you think I didn’t?”

“Ah no, not really, you always get this really stupid look when he’s around.”

That’s rich coming from someone whose boyfriend looks equally stupid when they’re around. Not that Gunwook would say that out loud. He values his life, thank you very much.

“Also you try to act cool, it’s funny. Ah, ah, don’t look at me like that, I’m your hyung, you can’t fool me Wookie.”

Yeah he really can’t.

The day before your birthday, Gunwook prepared your birth flower for you.

He’s still thinking of a way to pass it to you without giving himself away when Sung Hanbin corners him, a manic look in his eyes.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Ahh shit.

“It is.” Because honesty is the best policy. The older boy seemed to be taken aback. What? Did he expect Gunwook to deny it?

“You want to date my little brother?”

“Yes, hyung.”

“You think you deserve to date him?”

“I think I deserve a chance to tell him how I feel and whether he accepts my feelings is entirely up to him.”

“...your hyung wasn’t lying when he said you were smart.”

Now they’re just staring at each other. Hanbin looks a little less crazy so Gunwook takes a deep breath and says.

“I just really, really like him, hyung.

Hanbin’s silent for a moment. Then, he smiles. It’s absolutely terrifying.

“Fuck it up once and I’ll make sure they never find you.”

“Yes hyungnim.”

“Right. Good. Now where’s his gift for today? I’ll make sure he gets it.”

4. Prepare a Winning speech Confession

Somehow Gunwook manages to make it out of there alive, all limbs intact. It’s a miracle. But there’s no time to waste.

It’s today.

He’s got it all planned. A note’s been delivered to you saying that your last gift is waiting for you at the famous brick wall building on campus. He’s dressed a little nicer than usual. Your gift is tucked safely in his back pocket.

Everything will go smoothly. You’ll come over. He’ll confess to you. And hopefully, Gunwook really hopes you say yes.

He’s a little nervous. What if you don’t show up? What if he messes up his confession? (Yes, he spent days putting one together, it’s harder than doing a campaign speech, the struggle is real). What if you say n-

“Are you my gift?”

Gunwook looks up. You’re smiling at him, holding onto the note he sent. This is it. This is the moment he’s been preparing for.

“Please don’t feel pressured but I just wanted you to know that I really like you and if you accept my feelings-”

“I like you too.”

Wait what?

Well, there goes his speech. He stares at you, wide-eyed, mouth slightly open.

“I thought you were really cute the day our hyungs introduced us.” You tell him, a little flustered but pleasantly flushed. “And I wanted to get close to you but I’m not really good at that and it really took me a long time to convince Hanbin-hyung to stop hovering and I was really scared that he had scared you off the other day but he didn’t and you asked me to come here and I-”

You take a deep breath and Gunwook’s never been happier than when you say-

“I just really like you, Gunwook-ah.”

In a second, he’s closing the gap between you two, hesitating slightly before taking your hands in his, holding them gently.

“Happy Birthday~”

[finalfrontierpublishing]

Process - or really Nic doing random shit and hoping it works

Recently, a few bookbinders have been describing their creative process and i love how aspirational and amazing they are. these people are amazing, my friends- they come up with so much cool shit in the setting of their home, with things they have on hand, and it shocks me at how great these bookbinders are. 

i think comparatively, my process is fairly simple (i.e. chaos gremlin), and I've decided I'd like to use a previous book i took process pics of as a general outline as to how i come up with what i want to do. 

My first step is usually to fixate on a particular design element and move on from there - this is usually a chapter font or an image header or a cover image i’m interested in using, and then moving on to putting things together to form something cohesive. most of the time i have to see how it’ll look visually before i can decide, which does make choosing design elements challenging and hence made me a little into a pantser (despite being an asshole who likes to measure things). half the time, i change things like endpapers or endbands or colour of bookcloth or even the whole freaking design right down to the wire because i just won’t know what will work until i can see it.

To make this a little fun for me, I'll outline the general stream of consciousness (let's face it, it’s not that much of a process, I just think things and sometimes a book happens) along with 45% of the foul language that accompanies it when I try new things with books.

(Please be aware that I am 90% made of foul language and i sometimes frequently blaspheme like a sailor)

See below for thought process, process pics and much swearing. 

Day 0 minus 14 - Ok, let's be smart about binderary, shall we? I have a week of leave in February, let's make it count... Proceeds to prepare 10 typesets with 2 ready-made ones and then an additional notebook for a total of 13 books for Binderary. Ooh boy. Yeah, that’s achievable. 

Day 1:

Attends queercore workshop at 0630am in the morning. Fuck, am I sleepy. Did I succeed in making a book? Not really. Okay, let’s fudge it. Converts glueless notebook with nice stitching into case bind. Convenient gift for mothers day - booyah, 1 gift done. 

Oh hey. I have a thing. What about the Oh Mercy // Oh Love book. Hmmm, I have a nice image for this that I didn't use for the typesetting. Wonder if I can stitch it.

20:00 hours: Oooh, Neenah Illusio Laser paper - it looks so shiny. And Metallic. Very circuit board-y. Just what i was going for. Is it a paper? Is it cloth? I have no fucking idea. Hope it takes foil alright.

20:30 hours: Ooh ok, success - Jesus that's a lot of holes to poke.

Day 2: 

Okay, procrastination. Gotta make a case. 

JEsus i hate the turn ins and THE SPINE DFJKLSDFKLJ;SDF;LKSDF paper why you gotta do me a dirty?! Stiff and crinkly!!!!

17:00 hours: okay, case is nearly doneish.

Time to use foil quill to outline the holes to give it that soldered look and then do all the hole pokery. Dinner first.

19:00 hours: Dinner sorted. But like you know, let’s do some hammering with an awl in an apartment complex and pray none of the neighbours complain.

Shit these holes are small.

22:30 hours: I might finish this by Christmas, maybe. 

JFC i am collapsing under my hubris. THE FACT I THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. Oh god @&£#'€¥ what possessed me to try this - oh I know, I thought it would look cool (90% of why I do things when I make books).

Go easy on the thread - do not rip it through the space between two holes. JESUS FFFJB;N;KLGH CHRIST WHY.

Okay I can do this. I can do this. Stitches for 4 hours and nearly collapses.

Stitching is done!!!! Hmmm design looks a little plain. And awww shit you can't see any of the gold around the holes anymore. Okay let's try going over it in foil quill again.

00:30 hours: OH FUCK OH FUCK WHAT A FUCKING BAD IDEA.

Jesus djdjsbsbdjdsbdbddnc * MAKES MISTAKE and adds dot of gold on the side of a hole, plainly not in the hole*

Frantically googles ‘how to remove we r memory keepers heat reactive foil from paper’

Tries to remove it with an eraser and tape as per google recommendations- but removes a fuck ton of the green colouring on the bookcloth as well. JESUS.

I am ready for death.

Day 3:

10:30 hours: Okay I am ready for a new day. Am I really ready? Unclear. Time to weed the shit out a fucking complex design and go blind in the process.

12:30 hours: Ok fuck, that only took 2 hours.

But oh shit endbands and glueing of the spine. Time to do some glueing. At least it’s somewhat therapeutic. Jesus my endpapers and mull are still not on.

14:00 hours: On to the case it goes

14:30 hours: Time to do some HTV application

Fuck why isn't the HTV sticking JESUS cricut is an evil corporation out to take my money and yet I did not want to use Siser HTV today because I Was Not Ready for Death and Ruination. 

Proceeds to iron for the next 1 hour. 

16:00 hours: Fine it's finally fucking on?

Is the spine done? Hmmm. that little blemish isn’t covered. Should I cover it? Ugh. 

Cuts out little squares of gold foil - but it looks foul. Okay, nope, not good. 

Fuck I need a nap. Somewhere along the way, spouse comes home. Dog has been fed. My job is done. 

Naps for 3 hours just because.

20:00 hours: Okay moment of truth. Time to case in. Book is gonna be held together with glue and prayer. Shit why do the squares look so small- fuck it's because there's some stitching on the spine so I can't push the textblock all the way in. I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS EVIDENTLY. please do not stick out please do not stick out please do not stick out

20:30 hours: hallelujah it is FINE - into the press of a million books it goes

So that was a wild ride-- i wish i could say i exaggerate, but this is how it is with me tryin’ to do a book especially when trying new things i haven’t previously done before. Will a book happen? Sometimes I don’t really know. 

[hannahyesss]

Last year was a remarkable one for me. I started a new career that I love and find challenging and rewarding. I fell in love with exercise and gave up feeling guilty about eating, and now I’m getting into the best shape of my life. I turned thirty. I jumped back into writing fanfiction and drawing fan art. I made new friends (and gave up on some friendships). And I’m poor as hell because I spent a month in Europe during the summer, and my school district hates teachers! But honestly, I’m so happy to be here. We’re already a week into the new year, and I can really sense that this is going to be a tough one, yet I feel ready to take it on.

Instead of a New Year’s Resolution, each year, I pick a word or theme. Every time I have a choice, I ask myself: which action would align with my overall values for the year? My theme last year was “Health.” Mental, physical, emotional, etc. I’d ask myself “Is this healthy for me?” Should I take a solo trip to Portugal? Should I eat pastries for breakfast? Should I go for a run? (The answer to all of these was yes.)

Here is how I embodied “Health” in 2023.

I had ADHD for nearly thirty years and didn’t know it. In that time, I graduated from high school and college and earned my graduate degree. When I reflect on how I achieved these things without the slightest idea I had a combination type ADHD, there are two things that stand out to me.

First, for most of my life, my anxiety has been debilitating and has kept me on track in a very rigid, uncomfortable way. Fearing that I would miss a deadline, my brain used to cycle through checks almost compulsively—which assignment is due? Did I pay my doctor’s bill? Do I have enough money in the bank? I was always at least twenty minutes early to everything because I was terrified of being late. I did my homework in class during work time because I didn’t want to bring it home and forget. (I was also very lucky that I took naturally to traditional education—I had good teachers in high school, but the curriculum was also very easy for me.)

Anxiety is an excellent mask for ADHD—but the cost is constant exhaustion.

Second, I have always gravitated towards jobs that keep me on my feet and running around solving problems. I managed a retail boutique for about five years which suited my ADHD very, very well. I was never involved with a task for more than fifteen minutes at a time. If I’m creating a book order and a customer walks in, I’ve got to stop my current task for a short amount of time and come back to it. I could always switch my brain very easily from one task to the next. Very stimulating! I’m a teacher now, and it’s basically the same thing.

By 2019, however, my anxiety had become so unmanageable that I couldn’t look at my bank account, I couldn’t keep my apartment clean, and I couldn’t even begin to think about doing laundry. I began working with my therapist specifically on getting my anxiety under control. It was really hard work! It involved identifying triggers and sitting with exceptionally uncomfortable feelings without judgment of myself. The story of getting a firm handle on anxiety is fairly long, so I’ll skip over several years of work to say that my anxiety is manageable now.

It took years, but my constant state of high energy anxiety has calmed significantly. While this is good, I had no idea what it was masking. ADHD symptoms began to take over my life. I cried all the time because I kept losing my phone or I set my keys down somewhere stupid or I was starting to be late to everything. Laundry was even more of a herculean task and keeping my apartment clean was a constant battle. Tackling anxiety with my therapist helped me see that untidiness is not a moral issue, but damn! I was still frustrated that I tripped over stuff or that my clothes were never clean! My therapist started squinting at me as these problems cropped up, and eventually, they were like, “These are fairly classic ADHD symptoms.”

I really, really resisted this diagnosis. I had been fine fine fine for my whole life. I have a Master’s degree! I’m a teacher! If it’s hard for me to do laundry, it’s just because I don’t like doing laundry. If it’s hard for me to brush my teeth twice a day, it just means I’m a person with poor hygiene. And the thing is, I was completely capable of doing these things. I did them all the time! It’s just that I felt so tired, and it was just a matter of forcing myself to get it done. After all, does anyone really like doing chores?

“But I don’t think you understand how much harder you’re working to do them,” my therapist argued.

“It’s hard for everyone,” I remember saying.

“Right, but for the ADHD brain, you have to use a lot more energy to get started and to get finished the things you don’t want to do.”

All right, fine. That might be true.

So I started to accept that I miiiiiight have ADHD. My mom was shocked when I told her and insisted she didn’t remember me bouncing around or having trouble keeping up with assignments in school. (Except that wasn’t…actually true. I had a gazillion late assignments in elementary school but then I switched from private school to public in sixth grade, and school became much easier. I could keep up because I was usually finished before other kids.)

But diagnosis seemed impossible. I didn’t want to go through the whole debacle of setting up a doctor’s appointment, calling insurance, finding someone to assess me, yada yada yada. (Side note: the cruelest thing to do to a person with undiagnosed ADHD is to make them jump through a lot of administrative hoops to get to their diagnosis. Which is exactly what you have to do.)

At the same time, my sister was going through her own journey of getting an ADHD diagnosis. However, when she began treatment for ADHD, I wasn’t particularly surprised because her behaviors looked much more like classic symptoms to me. She went on meds as soon as she could and told me that it just felt like she wasn’t so tired anymore. That she could just… do things. And like, yeah, speed can do that for a person. But honestly, I was thinking I could use some controlled substances to boost my brain energy if they’d give them to me.

By the time I was able to get in with a psychologist, I was already most of the way through my first year as a teacher. I couldn’t sit through curriculum planning meetings without getting lost in the conversation, I couldn’t keep my mind focused during my own lesson planning, and I couldn’t fucking grade papers for more than ten minutes at a time. Damn, though, I was really good at pretending I was a well-functioning adult. I can lie my ass off, and I am a fairly good actor, so I was terrified the psychologist was going to tell me that it wasn’t ADHD—I’m just lazy and dumb and I need to try harder.

Shockingly, this is not what he told me. He said I have combined type ADHD which means hyperactive and inattentive. Hilariously, he said since Covid started, he has seen a huge influx of teachers getting diagnosed. It’s a job that attracts ADHD types because you’re never doing the same thing for long and it’s just constant stimulation. (I was chatting with a fellow teacher friend about it who also has ADHD—two other teacher friends overheard our conversation, grimaced at each other, and muttered that they might need to make appointments with their doctors too…)

Pretty soon I started meds, and it was life-changing. I realized that I was using food for stimulation for most of my life which was why it was so fucking hard to keep a healthy weight. I can now run longer distances because I’m not sabotaging myself by constantly remembering how bored I am or how much I want to stop. Grading papers still sucks but I can now grade for a few hours at a time, take well-planned breaks, and then jump back into it. Although not officially designated a symptom of ADHD, my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is much more manageable. I’m not constantly critiquing myself in the mirror anymore.

It’s truly been fascinating to see these changes in the last six months.

That’s not to say I’m cured or things are super great all the time. Laundry is still a struggle and I spent most of my weekend just lounging around the apartment (and called it rest). Last week, I increased my Adderall dosage to 15mg because what worked in the summer when I’m off work is NOT enough during the school year. In any case, I’ve been reflecting on how my diagnosis has helped me to see areas of growth in my life. Instead of “oh, I’m just an impulsive shopper,” it’s more like, “Oh, you are very susceptible to targeted ads. Let’s be cognizant of that and create a check system that helps you decide if you really need to buy that thing.”

I’ve learned that ADHD is NOT an excuse. I do NOT get to opt out hard things because of neurodivergence (I mean, sometimes yeah, I do, but not all the time, lol). Instead, it’s been a fun challenge to assess what I feel like I can’t do and figure out a way to trick my brain or work with my cute little weirdo brain to get shit done. I love puzzles! And damn if my brain isn’t one huge puzzle.

So here’s my advice: there is no such thing as laziness. If your problem is that you think you’re lazy, but since laziness doesn’t exist, it has to be something else. It could be ADHD—it could also be that you expect someone else to do the thing for you or that you’re depressed or that doing that thing you’re ignoring just isn’t something you care about.

Keep reflecting and remembering that you are not static.

Book recommendation: How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis

[aemondtargaryenss]

hi! thank you so much, i really appreciate your words 😌❤ and yeah the set did take me some time to make like around two days asdfghjkl but i love how it turned out especially the green gif, and sorry for deleting the ask! i answered it but got anxiety of it not being the answer you expected so i decided to make a tutorial instead on how i did that set (blending and color manipulation), but first i’ll leave some links to some great blending and coloring tutorials down below :)

- blending tutorials

becca’s, soph’s (which taught me how to blend) and alie’s

- coloring tutorials

becca’s, hella’s and sam’s

(personally i use becca’s tutorials bc we work in a similar way and they’re super amazing and were a huge inspiration and help me out on how to make this tutorial)

okay so lil blending and color manipulation tutorial under the cut

i’ll be using the first gif of the set you mentioned because it’s the one that needed the most color adjustments to get the red, other gifs didn’t need that much work and were fairly easy to get the color i wanted, so i’ll be going from this

to this

so starting, i work on each gif separately (crop, resize and color). the base gif will be the one where young aemond is looking to the front, tho honestly it doesn’t matter which gif you use as your base. once we’re satisfied with both of their colorings we go to the second gif which is the one of young aemond looking to the side, select both gif and coloring and click on the little folder on the bottom right corner highlighted with the red circle or just press ctrl+g on pc (cmd+g on mac i think)

we name it as ‘gif 2′ to know which gif is it and to not get confused. then we add a vector mask by clicking the little figure highlighted again with a red circle. do these steps for all the gifs you’re planning to blend, as it will group them all separately without their individual colorings overlapping each other

then we duplicate it and send it to the base gif and set the second gif to ‘screen’, though sometimes setting it to ‘lighten’ works too, it all depends on the gif so play with both to see which one looks better (trama = screen)

now is time to blend! for this i use a big brush like 200px, set to 0% hardness and 50% opacity, the bigger the brush and the lower the hardness, the softer the blending it’ll be, while using a smaller brush with an increased hardness, the blending will be sharper. we’re going to click on the base gif’s vector mask and with the brush set to black we’ll start to erase the left side of it, if we mess up then we set the brush to white by pressing ‘x’ and paint on it to correct anything. it should look like this

then we do the same with the second gif by erasing the right side and a little over aemond’s eye. personally i like to leave traces of both gifs so the blending looks smooth and nice. the end result should look like this

now is time to change aemond’s clothes to red! there are several ways to do this which is by using selective colors, hue/saturation, a gradient map or a new layer and paint over the gif, you can use one of these methods or several or all of them depending on your gif and the result you want to achieve. so we create a new folder atop our gifs and name it ‘red’ and create a selective colors layer, though the color isn’t that bright or strong i can see some green and maybe some cyan/blue tones on lil aemond’s clothes, so we adjust those colors to make the green pop up and set the selective colors layer to ‘color’, it should look like this

don’t worry too much if aemond’s face gets green and then red, we’ll fixed this later. now we create a hue/saturation layer, on the drop down menu we change the color to ‘green’ and drag the hue bar until the green changes to red or as close as possible to it, we do this for cyan and blues too (verde = green, cianes = cyan, azules = blue, sorry for ps being on spanish tho)

and voila! the green and cyan/blues had turned red

because the red looks dull and sad and needs to be brigthen up, we’re going to create a new selective colors layer and adjust the reds and yellows, like so:

you’ll notice that lil aemond’s face and hair has turned red, to get rid of that we’re going to pick up our brush, set it to black and start erasing those parts on the vector mask on our latest selective color layer. once you’re done duplicate twice that layer and drag one of its vector masks to our first selective color layer and the second one to our hue/saturation layer and delete the duplicates without vector masks, that way you don’t have to erase on each one of the vector masks again, just tweak each one to your liking, repeat this step for future layers

because i can see some yellow on left aemond’s hair and i want for it to be red so it blends with the rest of the color we then create a new hue/saturation layer, change the color to ‘yellow’ and set the hue to -65 and the lightness to +30. then we add a new selective colors layer and only work on the reds, we set everything to +100 though the cyan to -50. and lastly we add a new hue/saturation layer, change the color to ‘red’ and increase the saturation to +25. this will be the result. i’ve already done the step mentioned above about duplicating the vector masks

because there’s still some red on his hair and face and i’m lazy i select the folder named ‘red’, add a vector mask to it and just erased on it because i didn’t want to go and erase on each vector mask, too much work lol

i could very much leave the gif as it is but i felt it needed like a pop of color around it because the background is kinda dull and not that vibrant, so we create a new folder and name it ‘red layering’ (i need to name things or else i get confused), create a new layer, choose a vibrant yet deep shade of red (i’m using #b80505), pick up our brush (200px, 0% hardness, 50% opacity) and paint the background and a little over aemond’s clothes, set the layer to ‘tone’ and add a vector mask, like so:

i like how setting the layer to ‘tone’ gives his hair a soft red outline on places that didn’t change to red, like around the top of his hair. so next we duplicate the layer, set it to ‘soft light’ and the opacity to 40%, and with our brush set to black erase any parts we don’t want, like a little on his hair, his face and over his clothes, and apply the step i mentioned about duplicated vector masks and tweak to your liking

for this type of gifs i like to set the speed to 0.06, and voila! the gif is done! you can add in some typography if you want to c:

worth mentioning that other gifs won’t need that many adjustment layers, like the purple and green ones for example they only needed two selective colors layers and a little bit of painting on a new layer to achieve those colors. hope this tutorial was of any help :3c