#but the agony of dragging myself up this cliff was AWFUL

[lildoodlecat]

Clawed my way up the psvita mod learning curve today.. ow.... Anyway I can now play psp games on it ✨ added tales of the world: radiant mythology and !!!!!! Tales of Phantasia :D

Psx version of Phantasia. Which was a whole extra learning step bc it's a .bin file instead of iso... augh

Anyway I never got around to figuring out how to add regular vita games from PC but I grabbed pkg which just offers me like. Every single vita game ever so I don't think I need to figure that out sjxkdk

But yeah! Second handheld successfully hacked and modded!! Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to jailbreak my PS3...

[bekindtoyou4007]

Late night dramatic develooment re. our mother. Via sister so you know it was bad because she broke our radio silence to tell me. She seemed genuinely angry and upset so I guess I should be happy she came to me anyway in that vulnerable state and feels comfortable enough with me still to share like that. I felt really hopeless with the news. As per, our mother has made a sudden change in mental health treatment under the assumption she's totally fine now. Que cera cera. That's what I'm telling myself when I feel the usual ratcheting up of anxiety, of what if she has another downturn, which is usually what I feel right before I'm proved right in some unpleasant fashion. It must be terrible for her as a person to be in this awful cycle, but as a family member I feel resentment for also being dragged along. At least when she gets unwell again as a result of sacking off treatment, she can know it was her risk to run and she had some control over it. I truly have no control at all over the situation and never will. Her health doesn't happen to her the same way it happens to others. She could do some things to help herself, but doesn't. The only way it isn't agony is by not caring as much. If that's a tragedy for her, it's also a tragedy for other people. She might wish she was closer to her children. And I wish my mother wasn't doing the mental health equivalent of throwing herself off a cliff, but you can't have everything can you... my sister was angrier than me then but I think my anger has found its voice now! I am doing the right thing by continuing the distance. I can care about my parent and want the best for her, but I am not obligated to make myself sick with worry and stress trying to force her to do the sensible thing.

[ellis-in-name]

Chapter 4: A Madman's Run and A Story

Read on AO3

“What! No!” I screamed aloud as I read the letter. Without thinking I turned and ran down the stairs and out of the house. It’s noon now, I wasted three hours cleaning and reading. If I hurry, I can catch up to Miss Valory and get her to explain all of this to me. My feet pounded into the gravel road, but I quickly stopped and ran back into the cabin. Despite the panic and the worry, I knew I would need at least some supplies before running off. I grabbed two rations of bread and a small bottle of water from the kitchen. I threw everything into a satchel and tore off running again. I must have to get to that train! I can’t let her throw Miss Valory’s life away. I don’t know what is going on, but I will stop it!

The scenery around me became a blur as I ran, and time passed by. The adrenaline of my panic kept me going without breaks, it felt like I had all the energy in the world. But all of that can only last so long; I had to catch up to someone walking for three hours, just by running alone. My muscles burned, my lungs were on fire, my breathing was becoming ragged. In the distance I could see the train station and it was getting closer by the second. Come on Calian, you’ve been running for an hour, what's another ten minutes? I thought to myself- chanting it over and over in my head. The train station was close now. Just a little bit farther. My legs pounded into the ground, a steady rhythm. Left. Right. Left. Right. Almost there. The whistle blew and my rhythm faltered as I tripped and flew to the ground. I watched helplessly as the train began to move. I scrambled to my feet and took off running once more. The railing of the last car was just within my grasp. With one last push I leapt for the last car of the train; only to feel my gut clench with horror as I sailed straight past the car, over the tracks, and into empty air. My eyes widen with shock as I kept falling. I forgot. The train is built on the side of a cliff. I’m careening to my death now. I’m sorry Miss Valory, but I tried.

I felt the wind rush by my face as I fell when all of my momentum suddenly stopped, and grit my teeth with pain and something firmly gripped my leg and caused a wave of agony along the limb. I opened my eyes and saw Miss Valory holding onto my leg, hanging out of the last car. All I could do was stare at her with both shock and awe.

“Look, Calian, I know you want to hang out with me and all, but this is just insane. So, if you wouldn’t mind, please get up here before we both fall!” She yelled into the rushing wind. The train had begun to pick up speed, causing my body to sway in the wind. I curled myself up, straining against my own inflexibility and aching muscles, grabbed the railing, and pulled myself up and over onto the train car. I collapsed to the ground as soon as I was over the railing with a sigh and multiple shuddering breaths.

“Miss Valory, how did you catch me? I should be dead right now.” I asked her between breaths.

“Well, I saw some idiot running like a madman as the train was leaving. So, I ran to the back car as fast as I could because I figured they would try to jump onto the train – it wouldn’t be the first time it has happened. You just happened to be that idiot. Also, my friend noticed you before I did to give me the heads up. Only he was laughing at the sight more than warning me.” Miss Valory replied as she reached her hand down to pull me up. “Now, if the excitement is done, let's go back to my seat and you can explain what you are doing here,” Valory stated as she more or less dragged me into the train car. I could not tell if she was happy to see me, or furious and annoyed. Maybe irritated was the right word.

As she dragged me by the arm for another couple of cars, I tried to ignore the curious eyes that followed us from the seats. Miss Valory and her friend were not the only ones to see my idiocy. She finally pulled me into a private car towards the front of the train and practically threw me into a seat across from a man and then promptly sat down beside me. At this point, I was thinking she was a bit more than irritated. I spared a quick glance at the man across from me before looking at Miss Valory again. His hair was dirty blond and his face seemed mundane. But his eyes seemed to pierce through me, a deep emerald gaze as if trying to assess my entire being and life in one moment.

“Calian, meet Michael, he is more of an idiot than you and the person I had left to meet.” Valory told me and ignored the look of fake hurt Michael put on.

“Valory, dearest-” His words stopped there as Valory's fist slammed into the wall next to his head. My eyes widen with shock at the sudden burst of violence.

“You are not starting that, I said no, and I mean no! Accept that fact that I won’t marry you and deal with it.” She growled quietly in the silent train car.

“Look, Valory, I was only joking, you don’t need to kill me for it.” He replied nervously.

“I- It’s nice to meet you, Michael!” I squeaked out as I tried to break the tension hanging in the air. Michael looked at me and smiled.

“I like this kid! He respects me! Finally, some notoriety for what I’ve done!” Michael said, and both Miss Valory and I glared at him.

“I have-”

“He has no idea what you’ve done.” Miss Valory interrupted, “Don’t be so full of yourself.”

“You both wound me,” Michael said as he pretended to pout.

“Oh, stop crying you baby. Now moving on from the formalities that took far too long.

 Calian, why were you trying to leap onto a moving train?” Miss Valory asked. I opened my mouth to reply except Michael beat me to the punch.

“Wait, this is the kid that jumped for the train? That’s hilarious!”

“I almost died you jerk! That’s not a laughing matter!” I cried out and instantly quieted

 down. “I’m sorry Michael, I didn’t mean to yell out like that.”

“You’re fine kid, you should have seen Valory and-” Another slam into the wall silenced him. Seeing the anger on Miss Valory’s face was surprising. She always seemed so calm and collected, even during some of the more trying times when I lived with her. But now, I could see how much of that calm attitude might have been carefully controlled and directed anger and pain. When she was with me, she felt the need to keep everything under control, but here, she was more expressive in that anger. What lead her to be like this?

“Remember Michael? We decided to not talk about him. Or do you want to be out of that window?” Miss Valory growled. “Now, please can we focus on that reason we are even meeting in the first place. But first—” Miss Valory’s face shifted to a pleasant smile, barely containing the irritation and anger that I did not want directed at me. “Calian, why are you here?” I attempted to ignore Michael's comment about Miss Valory being temperamental and emotional as I opened my mouth to begin my explanation.

“Well, I didn’t know how much water to give your flowers, and I didn't know what you wanted me to get rid of in the house cleaning. So, I came to ask you.” I lied. It was a horribly obvious lie, and I tried to hide my own embarrassment. What am I doing! I can’t lie to her! She’ll see right through it! This is a mess, a really big mess. I thought to myself and jumped slightly when Michael burst out laughing.

“You jumped off a cliff for some flowers? And spring cleaning? This is rich! Valory, you have the most adorable pets under your thumb.” Michael said and my heart stopped.

Pet. is that really all I am to her? Maybe he’s right. To Miss Valory I’m just a pet to take care of. I should give up and go home. I can’t do anything... No! I need to help her! Who cares if I am a pet! I won’t let her throw away her life!

“Calian, that is very sweet of you to worry about my flowers and privacy like that; however, you didn’t need to run all this way for something so simple. An explanation would have been enough.” Miss Valory told me after Michael was silenced by another punch and a few angry words. “Michael, could you leave Calian and I alone for a bit, I think he may have been injured in his running and fall. I know you hate blood and gore.” Miss Valory said, and Michael quickly left the room, his face already turning pale at the mention of blood.

Wow. He not only bought my lie, but he also has a weak stomach. I thought to myself.

After Michael had left the room Miss Valory turned to me and looked straight into my eyes, the pleasant smile dropping. I squirmed under her gaze. “Alright, why are you really here, because I know you aren’t here for the flowers even though that's something you would do. You were too panicked to be here for that.” She stated bluntly. “And you’re a terrible liar.”

I felt my face flush as Miss Valory dissected my actions like it was second nature. “Well, um, how do I put this, um...” I started as I struggled to put what I wanted to say into words. Miss Valory let out a sigh of mild impatience and I blurted out whatever had been in my head at that moment. “I saw the letters! The wood chest in your room! It opened while I was cleaning, and I saw the cloak! I got curious and saw the letters, and-” A finger to my lips silenced my torrent of panicked words. I looked up to find Miss Valory with a comforting smile.

“You know, you look like a tomato when you're flustered.” She said with a laugh.

Is she mad? Is she happy? WHY CAN’T SHE PICK AN EMOTION?

“Wh- what? Aren’t you mad at me?”

“Nope. I knew the truth had to come out eventually, I just didn't know when,” she said and leaned back in the chair. “Now then, ask your questions, and I'll answer them,” she said. “After that, I’ll tell you why I moved to your town.”

She has to be joking, right? She can't be serious, to not be angry like that? But she was angry a second ago? I thought to myself and looked at her waiting face. “Who- what, is the resistance?” I asked hesitantly.

“A group of people that should have been disbanded about three or four years ago. They brought about an era of reconstruction for magic and also helped bring down a tyrant that went by the name of Ash.”

“Magic? But that's only a fairytale.”

“Not for some, pull out that bottle of water in your bag.” Miss Valory ordered.

“How did you-”

“Just pull it out.” She demanded. Following her command, I pulled out the bottle of water and yelped as the glass shattered. I dropped the remains of the bottle before I cut my hand on a shard of glass. There's a small thud and I looked down to see a bottle shaped chunk of ice. The ice began to shiver and expand. It then broke and shattered into small pieces that flew through the air and floated around Miss Valory. The ice began to swirl around her wrist and formed into a bracelet as I watched the spectacle.

“Just, who are you?” I whispered. “Miss Valory, who are you?”

“I am a mage Calian. We are littered around the world. Although it’s a very uncommon trait in people; however, it is still there. Next question? I’ll give you two more. Make them count.” Miss Valory replied.

“Oh, um, you referred to the Academy and stopping someone there. What did you mean by that?

“There was a man named Ash, as I said. He wanted to take over the world or something. I didn’t really care at the time... My friend and I stopped him.”

“Your friend? You mean Aran?”

“Yes, Aran was my partner at the time, but he was killed by Ash in the very end of our fight.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,”

“Oh, don’t be,” Miss Valory said and rubbed my head. “That was more than four years ago. It’s time I moved on. You’re also out of questions.” She said with a laugh. The way she tried to play it off was unsettling, because I knew from experience that three or four years was not long enough to just “move on” from someone you cared about; my sister was proof to that.

“Now, show me those legs. We need to make sure nothing is damaged by your stupidity.” She said as she made room on the seat. I lifted my legs up onto the seat and rolled up the pant legs. Thankfully, there was nothing visibly wrong and both of us let out a held breath. “Well, time to tell a story. Get comfortable because it’ll take a while.” She said and began her tale.

 “I’m not a normal child and I never truly existed to begin with. Most children are born by natural means, but I was not. I am the product of malicious intent and the result of a calamity. I am a magic creation called a Vessel, a hollow human that does not have a soul of its own. They don’t live all that long because the soul they do have breaks down after a while.” Valory said and patted my head when I started to panic. “Don’t worry, Aran gave me his soul and more or less saved my life. Speaking of Aran, I met him at the Academy. We quickly grew to be friends until Ash tried to kill Aran. Ash somehow took control of me and forced me to imprison Aran at the Academy. That’s when I met Michael. He convinced me that the resistance had a plan to break out Aran, but only if I joined them. A few weeks later we had saved Aran, but my soul had begun to break down. Which basically made me into an insane person that heard voices all the time. Aran, although reluctant at first, agreed to attack the Academy with me alone. We journeyed from the resistance camp and arrived at the Academy. We met Ash and tried to kill him; however, he was ready for us. He killed Aran and faded to ashes as I swung in anger. After that I returned to the camp and the rest you know from the letters.”

She was breathing a little heavily. In truth, the way she told the story was not that long at all, but it was all rambled off at such a fast pace that there was far too much to process. I could tell that there was more to the story, more details, and Miss. Valory just wanted to give the straight facts.

“Miss Valory, I’m sorry… I didn’t-”

“Don’t give me your pity Calian. I’m a strong woman and I have moved on. You cannot get sappy on me just because you suddenly know so much more about me. Now, you must be tired. Get some sleep.” Miss Valory said as she stood up from the seat. I watched as she walked out of the train car and towards where Michael had gone.

“Wow, I never even knew that Miss Valory had such an exciting past. It almost seems as if she’s from the fairytales Mom used to tell us when we were kids.” I thought as I drifted off to sleep.

*****

All around me darkness swirled. It permeated the air like a dense, black, foreboding mist. Burning air hit my body in waves, one after another. With each breath I felt as if I inhaled toxic waste and was forced into a coughing fit. “What’s going on? This isn’t the train! Where is Miss Valory?” I thought as I frantically sat up. The ground was sticky with a black substance that clung to me like glue and the air burned with every breath I took.

“You… You are the one she has chosen? This is most… Hilarious.” My eyes widened as crimson eyes peered at me through the darkness and I was lifted from the ground by a massive hand made of some sort of gritty substance. “Such a puny human without a single magical ability. How pathetic of her to choose a wimp. Maybe in time you would have been able stand up to me. But I got to you first!” As the creature spoke in its deep baritone voice it opened its massive mouth and I slowly began to move towards it.

“No! Please! Don’t eat me!” I screamed as I beat at the hand that held me. But it was to no avail. As I got closer to the maw my body slipped lower in the hand until I was hanging in the air by my neck. I felt my head growing fuzzy as I began to choke, and I fell unconscious.

Hmmm. You really are useless Calian. Can’t even win a simple fight.

[prodigalsonheadcanons]

Hi, I couldn't choose between these four... I leave them in your capable hands :3 15. “You know, it took me a long time to decide on food poisoning.” 16. “She’s going into shock-” 29. “Because I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt!” 39. “This is a matter of life and death, make the wrong move, the wrong choice, and she's dead. You hear me?” P.S. If it's not too much trouble, I wouldn't mind some Brightwell :3

So I chose to do #16; other prompts I’ve gotten have requested some of the others, and 16 held the most angst potential that I knew you’d love. So here you go! ♡

16. “She’s going into shock-” 

The sounds went off one after the other, in perfect order.

The first gunshot. Followed by the second. Followed by Malcolm’s scream of horror.

JT had been the one to fire. After the first. Which meant he’d fired too late.

Harrison Ross had been the one to shoot first, and his bullet had found its home the millisecond after JT’s found its home in him. He dropped to the floor, falling completely still. But there was no triumph in the fact that they’d taken out their killer. Not when Dani had been shot first. Not when Harrison’s bullet had buried into her abdomen— not when she had fallen first. It was only a millisecond, between the shots. But that millisecond was all it took.

“Dani!” Malcolm rushed to her and dropped to his knees. His eyes were stretched wide with horror, yet they were nowhere near as big as hers were. Laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling, her expression was a twist of pure agony and pure terror. Her hands had instinctively gone to her stomach, to the injury that was there. Malcolm already felt sick when he saw that they were already covered in red. But he fought to keep himself collected. He fought to keep his head clear, to take a couple deep breaths and force himself not to follow her into panic.

You can’t panic, you can’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic don’t—

“Dani, move your hands,” he breathed. He grabbed her wrists. She immediately choked out a horrible noise halfway between a choke and a scream. The sound was awful— he couldn’t keep himself from flinching away from it. But he stayed resolute. “I’m sorry— Dani, you have to move your hands.” He pulled again and this time he managed to stay firm despite the fact she screamed again, louder this time. His stomach dropped when he saw the injury. When he saw the blood gushing out of the wound just above her hip. Already, it was everywhere. Now that the initial fear had passed, Dani was starting to breathe faster, choking on every third breath in. She couldn’t keep back her cries of pain. Tears were running down her cheeks. She was starting to breathe faster and faster.

“Call an ambulance!” he snapped at JT, but he was already doing it. He whirled back around to Dani, and forced a smile on his face. “Hey— hey, it’s gonna be okay. Everything’s going to be fine, okay?” He shrugged his coat off, and folded the sleeve in on itself, trying to ignore how much his hands were shaking. “I’m going to apply pressure on the wound. I’m gonna try and stop the bleeding as much as I can, but the ambulance is on its way, okay?”

The second he pressed his coat against the injury she screamed again. Her hands flew to his wrist; blinded by pain and fear, she pushed against him, struggling to get him off of her. He flinched, but just pressed down harder. “I’m sorry— Dani, I’m sorry I’ve got to try and control the bleeding I know it hurts.” She cringed and cried out again. Her fingers were digging into him so hard, her nails were beginning to bite into his skin. He paid no mind to it.

He couldn’t move her. The best option for him was to apply direct pressure and wait for the ambulance, but how long was that going to take? Already, it was taking a monumental effort to keep from hyperventilating like Dani, to keep from falling apart. This was his friend— someone that had accepted him faster than most had, that he trusted, that he worked with, and now she was bleeding out on the floor of some warehouse.

No. No. She wasn’t going to bleed out. He wasn’t going to let that happen. Not to Dani.

He spared fifteen seconds, forcing himself to clear his mind enough to watch her breathing. It was fast and much too shallow. Her respirations were already at 26 per minute. His heart started to fall, but he very quickly righted himself, tearing his mind away. “Dani. Dani, look at me.” She did. She gasped and cried. There was nothing but desperation on her face when their eyes locked. Again, it threatened to chip at his foundation and send him over the edge. But again, he caught himself before he could crumble.

He shook his head at her and smiled. “Hey, you’re going to be fine, alright?” She said nothing, still staring at him and choking. He could feel his hand already getting wet from the blood that was seeping through the fabric of the coat. He shifted to hold a fresh part against the wound, applying more pressure, which made her scream all over again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he rushes, guilty but knowing he had no choice at the same time. JT was rushing over to them, now. His expression was stricken with horror when he saw how much blood there was. That worried Malcolm. JT never lost his cool.

But he couldn’t focus on him. “Dani, look at me,” he repeated again, knowing that if she saw JT’s worry, it would just make her worse. Her eyes locked on him. He smiled. Her nails were still gouging into his skin, but he moved so he could put one hand over hers. Feeling whether or not she was going cold. But also struggling to provide her a sense of comfort. “Just keep your eyes on me— you’re going to be fine. Everything’s fine. I promise.”

She continued to gasp for a couple seconds. It was turning Malcolm’s stomach to hear the sobs that broke nearly every one. But despite her crying, he was surprised when she shot him a tiny smile. It was short-lived, but it was snarky and so very her. “’s this— as ‘fine’ as…your snake bite?” she choked out. The moment she got through this, her smile was vanishing and she was flinching again. Her nails dug harder. At first, he was confused. But then he realized.

The smile he returned to her was worn. But he still laughed. “Yes, it is,” he agreed, and the edges of her lip twitched upwards briefly. “Hey, I lived, didn’t I?” he demanded, and her gasp was fragmented into something that was almost a laugh. Her grip was getting looser. “You helped me, then— you made sure I would be okay. So I’m going to make sure you’re going to be okay. Right?”

She opened her eyes again, and their eyes met once more. There was something different, in this look they shared. There was something heavier, something that was difficult to pin down. Her lips were beginning to shake. She cringed as another wave of pain gripped her. She tried to keep her scream back, but it was getting harder and harder for her to do so. This time she couldn’t do it at all. Her breathing started to pick up even more.

Malcolm cursed under his breath. He shoved his coat at JT and barked another command. “Hold that to the wound.” Usually, he’d be a little concerned about bossing JT around, but he wasn’t in the headspace at the moment to worry about what would be the best social thing to do. He turned back to Dani and grabbed both her hands in his. They were cold. But this was a different kind of cold. It was a kind of cold that nearly wrenched his breath away. His panic was trying to grab onto him again, struggling to drag him down underneath its depths.

He was fighting tooth and nail not to let it. He took in a deep breath that shook on his way down. “Dani— Dani, eyes here. Eyes here, Dani.” He gives her hands a long, tight squeeze. “Squeeze my hands back. Just like I did, squeeze my hands.” She cringes and cries out again, but to Malcolm’s relief, she does. It isn’t as hard as he had, but her fingers curl around him tighter, for a brief second. He forces a smile. “Good! Good, that’s good, Dani…do it again.” He squeezes her hands twice. Much weaker, she returns the two. He squeezes her hands three times. His heart tears when her three are barely there.

“Y—” He perks, when he realizes she’s trying to speak. He can’t help but let his expression fall just the tiniest bit when he sees how much she’s struggling now. Her lips were shaking and her teeth are chattering, but she still tries to smile at him. “You…said m’…hands were…cold…” His stomach plummets. She’s trying to joke. She’s trying to tease him.

It hurts him physically, to smile at her, and it hurts him even more to laugh. “Yeah…” He looks at their hands. They’re both squeezing now, holding tight. Like Dani was dangling on the edge of a steep cliff, and Malcolm was the only thing that was keeping her from plummeting. “Yeah, I did.” There’s a strangled noise in the back of her throat, almost like she was trying to laugh again. But the attempt broke off, and she ended up coughing instead. The hack was weak, but it wracked her body and caused absolute agony to crease over her face.

Malcolm waited tensely for her to recover afterward, like she had up until this point. But this time, she didn’t. This time, when the agony passed, it was replaced with a bone-chilling numbness. Malcolm froze when he saw her eyes roll back into her head. Her shallow, too-fast breathing hitched and choked. It began to stutter. “Dani?” She said nothing. His panic, which he’d barely been able to keep a cap on in the first place, immediately began to unravel and burn into an inferno. “Dani!” He squeezed her hands, but hers remained limp. “Dani!” he screeched. Still nothing.

JT’s eyes widened even more. “She’s going into shock—!”

“Elevate her legs!” Malcolm screamed, before he could even finish all the way. He lashed out to grab his coat from JT and take over the job of applying pressure. JT rushed to follow directions; Malcolm leaned over Dani more as he briefly took one of his hands away from his blood-soaked coat, so he could put his hand against her cheek, in the hopes of getting her eyes open again. His hands were covered in her blood. The moment he touched her, he was leaving behind a handprint. “Dani, Dani— look at me, look at me Dani!” There was nothing. His desperation was mounting. “Dani! Open your eyes, the ambulance is almost here, you have to stay awake, you have to breathe slower, Dani!

“Dani stay with me! Don’t…me, don’t you dare leave…fine, it’s all gonna be…Dani!”

(~**~)              (~**~)              (~**~)              (~**~)

The first thing she was aware of was how much she hurt. Before she could pry her eyes open, her forehead was creasing in bleary confusion and pain. Her consciousness leaked back to her in tiny increments. She heard a strange, annoying kind of beeping in her ear. It took effort to figure out how to open her eyes, but eventually, she did. She found herself staring up at a ceiling she didn’t recognize. Her mind was sluggish, but every slow blink of hers was helping get her vision clearer. Every blink, and her thoughts cleared a little more.

She looked down at herself and saw that she was in a bed, a blanket tucked around her. She saw a TV mounted on the wall. There was a whiteboard hanging across the room, with names and numbers written on them. It pleasantly informed her ‘Your nurse is Sandra.’ She was so out of it, it took her an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize she was in the hospital. With that piece of information, she remembered what had happened. She remembered being shot, she remembered all the pain. She remembered Malcolm. She remembered him yelling at her, how he’d held her hands tightly in his own.

She became aware of another noise. Soft, slow breathing. Her eyes followed it. She turned her head and stopped short. Her eyes widened, with shock and with confusion. Malcolm was at her bedside. He was curled up awkwardly in the recliner, his head on the hard armrest and his legs tucked up to his chest. His hair was a mess and his eyes were lined with bags that were much darker than normal. He looked awful. He was sleeping, but it looked like it was the first time he’d slept in days. She stared at him for a long moment, remaining confused. How long had she been asleep? He hadn’t been here the entire time…had he?

Her voice was dry and underused. It cracked weakly when she asked: “Malcolm?”

It was quiet, but it snapped Malcolm awake at once. He jerked, his eyes flying wide as he shoved himself up to sit. He was wild-eyed for a second, looking alarmed and scattered. But when he saw her, and he realized she was awake, she could see all the emotions rush in to crowd his face. She saw his relief, his disbelief, his lingering fear, smack him all at once. He scrambled so fast to sit up, he almost fell off the chair entirely. “Dani! You’re— …you’re awake.” Relief shook his words.

“How long was I out?” she asks.

His shoulders slowly relax, as he lets out a heavy breath. “Uh…about— two days…I think…”

She looks at the chair, her eyebrows knitting more together when she sees the pillow and blanket that was bunched up in its corner. “How long have you been here?”

He follows her gaze, blanching. Almost like he was as surprised to see it as she was. His reply comes reluctantly, yet it’s exactly the same. Just slower. “Uh…about— …two days…I think…”

Something in her chest tightens. It takes her a second to be able to speak. “You…you didn’t…have to stay, like that…”

“I know.” He looks back at her, much more unsure. “I just…wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Their eyes met and at first, neither of them seemed all that sure of what to do. Or say.

It took her a moment, to realize the feeling in her chest wasn’t a bad one. That it made the pain in her abdomen subside, just because it was so warm. A smile started to raise the edges of her lips, and once Malcolm realized, he was following her lead and grinning as well. The last time she’d seen him, he was panicked. He’d been holding her hands tight in his, struggling to get her to respond to her, and keep her there. Trying to laugh along with her, to try and pretend that the situation they were in wasn’t as dangerous as it actually was. That was the last thing she remembered, anyway.

Now, he looked disheveled and exhausted. Strained, after days of sitting at her bedside and getting nothing.

But he looked happy, too. Now that she was up and talking to him, he looked so happy.

Her smile grew stronger, as did the warmth in her chest. “Thank you. Malcolm,” she murmured, meaning much more than just the fact he’d sat with her.

He softened. Relief and subtle affection layering his reply. “Of course.”

[lindwur-fr]

Sands of time: Part one

Rubrik receives a strange vision from an equally strange dragon...

---

Rubrik hadn’t had a vision in ages.

It has been many years since the Tidelord’s disappearance. His heart ached for his deity, but at this point he had grown used to the Light Flight’s prophecies. How different they were from the Tidelord’s... But he managed to convey them just fine.

Until, one fateful dawn, a vision came to him. A vision that had every trait of one of the Tidelord’s visions.

He drifted in and out of consciousness as he barely slept. His mate, Ignacia, curled around him. Her heart thundered near his head- a comforting sound, to be sure, but as Rubrik started to sink into a dream, the rhythmic beating slowly shifted its tone.

Ba-dum. Bash-shaa. Shhha. Hhh-shhaaa...

The sound of waves lapping at the shore slowly filled Rubrik’s brain, and he blinked his eyes open to find himself standing on the edge of a rocky beach. The sky was grey, a few rays of light seeping through.

This cannot be. The Tidelord is still absent... Rubrik thought as he glanced around the strange terrain. It didn’t look like the Sea of a Thousand Currents. Similar, to be sure, but not exact. The waves were choppy, the ocean dark and alien, very similar in colour to Rubrik himself. Grey, dark blue, dusky.

The aged Skydancer took a step forward, and then hopped up onto a large piece of driftwood, standing on his hind legs to get a vantage point.

What is this place? This is not my home.

He scanned the horizon. The distant swirl of the Twisting Crescendo darkened the skies to the southwest. The fires of the volcanoes of the Fire Flight spat ash and coals into the air. The Plague Flight’s miasma hovered in the distance on their rotten shores.

This was the Sea of a Thousand Currents. But it was not the same. Behind Rubrik were the cliffs that housed his Clan- barren, jagged... Devoid of any Clan life.

Rubrik turned slowly to face the cliff. But as he did so, the driftwood he perched upon gave way slightly, making him waver. Striking his wings out, Rubrik flapped away from the wood as it fell onto its side. Huffing in frustration, Rubrik turned back to the driftwood.

He paused a long moment, looking at the grey-ish branches now. How oddly symmetrical they were- both arcing high, curled inwards to form a frame of sorts.

Like horns.

As the thought passed through Rubrik’s head, the driftwood shifted again, and rose from the ground, pebbles clattering off of its surface.

Rubrik’s breath hitched and he stepped backwards, watching in awe and horror as a large, squarish head rose from the pebbles. Its fur was long, briny from the ocean waves. Though through the grit, Rubrik could see the colours of Vagrilux on this Dragon’s fur. Orange and blue... Like Ignacia had been when they first formed their Clan.

The strange dragon rose from the pebbles, stretching her uselessly small wings out. They looked more like hands, than anything. The driftwood-like branches of her horns gave her an imposing figure. Her claws were twisted and long, wickedly sharp.

In fact, that would be how Rubrik described this dragon in all- wicked. Very un-dragon, as far as he knew the term

The dragon- who looked shockingly like a Tundra, turned her head to Rubrik now. She dwarfed him in every sense- and though Rubrik knew this was a dream, his instincts screamed to fly away. But he remained steadfast, wanting to take in every detail of this prophetic dream.

Her eyes... They’re blue! She’s a Water Flight dragon...!

Indeed I am, my friend. The soft voice echoed in Rubrik’s head. No doubt the dragon before him was speaking telepathically, though the voice hardly befit her imposing stature. I am a Gaoler. I came here many seasons ago, born in the Tidelord’s Flight. Tasked from birth to protect the Clan who requested my presence here.

“Please, tell me more.” Rubrik spoke out loud.

I was summoned here by Vagrilux.

Rubrik’s heart leaped. Vagrilux? The Dragon of whom his Clan was named after?

Vagrilux was a stunning dragon. Though their origins were shrouded in mystery, they were a Water-Flight Dragon who moved their Clan to the cliffs of the Light Flight. A paragon of justice and protection for all those under their wings... And this strange creature came to the ancient Clan Vagrilux at the namesakes’ behest?

“Vagilux themselves summoned you?” Rubrik asked breathlessly. The strange dragon nodded.

They knew my kind’s power, our ability to assist in any Clan’s defense. How efficient we were. Vagrilux was a powerful, thoughtful Dragon. One of the few back then who would accept Dragons of other birthrights into his Clan. They knew that unity was powerful- that many elements living together meant safety. And thus, they requested a Gaoler to live with them. The dragon replied. My parents were reluctant. But they birthed me in the Tidelord’s domain in secret.

“What happened...?” Rubruk asked slowly. “Why... Why are you coming to me now, in this dream? Is this your doing?”

It is. The Gaoler replied. I was born with the ability of prophecy. I speak through dreams. The Gaoler raised her claw, closing it as much as her long talons would allow. I... I failed my people. Her face twisted in agony at the words, as if they peeled open her very flesh. I was set on by The Shade. The creatures tainted by the foul entity attacked me on my trek here. I was dragged into the ocean, and in desperation, I cast a spell. I destroyed the entity that attacked me, but I magically exhausted myself. I fell into a coma, and my body was buried in the sands of time. I am intact- but I am not awake yet. My coma keeps me safe, keeps me from drowning or suffocating in this sand.

“We can find you.” Rubrik said hastily. “My Clan- we are Clan Vagrilux. We live here- in this place you’ve constructed in this dream.”

The Gaoler’s eyes lit up. Truly, new breed? Are you of Vagrilux themselves?

Rubrik shook his head. “No. First-born of the Tidelord of the modern age.” He replied. “But we carry Vagrilux’s name- we can help you.”

Perhaps I have not failed after all... The Gaoler thought, casting her eyes down. New breed, the Gaoler’s eyes snapped back up. I lay buried at the water’s edge. My horns are uncovered- driftwood. Perhaps covered in brine and creatures from the years, but I am here. I implore you- find me. I wish to serve you, so that I have not failed my bloodline and kin.

Rubrik nodded, still breathless. “I will find you. We will find you.” He promised. “I swear on the Tidelord’s words, we’ll find you.”

The Gaoler’s body relaxed, her wings sagging slightly as if from exhaustion. Thank you, Dragon of Vagrilux. Thank you...

The Gaoler’s body collapsed in a heap, and the dream disintegrated into a rush of oceanwater. Rubrik was swept out of the dream, back to the waking world. It felt like he was swirling in a maelstrom, the waves battering his body. When his back slammed into the rocky face of the Light Flight’s cliffs, he awoke, finding himself pressed against Ignacia. His heart was racing, his brain alive with the prophetic Dragon’s words.

He turned over and shook Ignacia’s head frantically to wake the large Ridgeback. “My heart- my love!” Rubrik spoke frantically. “Wake up- we need to get Ming and Horus and Poe!”

Ignacia blinked her deep blue eyes open and lifted her head sharply, sensing the urgency. “What is it, love?” She asked, gathering herself and pushing herself to a stand.

Rubrik was already standing, running his beak through his feathers to prepare for flight.

“A prophecy, love- one of the Water Flight.”

Ignacia gaped. “The Tidelord...?”

Rubrik shook his head. “No, not the tidelord. Though someone ancient. Someone who knew Vagrilux spoke to me, told me she was buried in the sands at the shore, near the base of the cliff. Her horns are like driftwood, Ignacia, we must have walked past her a thousand times and never noticed! We must find her!”

Rubrik didn’t care that Ignacia gave him a strange look. She must’ve thought him mad, finally broken from the absence of the Tidelord. But Rubrik would not let this dragon- this Gaoler- down. 

He had to find her. 

[jurassicwinchesters]

Fading (Owen Grady x Reader)

This fic takes place during Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, right after the team finds Blue and shoots her. CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS

Word Count: about 2,300

Pairing: Owen Grady x Reader

Warnings: swearing, shooting, blood, anxiety/panic

Hi guys I’m back!!! This is my first Owen Grady fic so I’m sorry if it’s horribly awful haha! I hope you guys enjoy :)

“Owen, move,” I screamed at him as I watched the tranq dart leave the gun, aiming straight for his chest. I watched as Zia ran to him as he fell to the earthy ground, as I buck against the men restraining me. I’m finally able to break free of one of their grasps, giving me enough freedom to deliver a swift kick below the other’s belt, setting me free. I start to run to Owen, who is now losing consciousness fast, but before I can reach him I heard a gunshot, stopping me dead in my tracks.

It took me a second before I could register the pain, and once the burning sensation kicked in, I looked down to see the blood running from my thigh. Blood has never bothered me, but the sight of the gaping hole in my leg was enough to cause me to stagger backward, grabbing a tree for support. My hand hit a solid, rough surface, scraping it up as it slid down the trunk, giving me a little support before I hit the ground in a semi-unconscious stupor.

The smell of burning plants is what snapped me out of my unconsciousness. I could tell it was still off in the distance, but close enough to give me a surge of adrenaline that woke me right up. I couldn’t see the lava yet, but I still knew I needed to work fast. I started by taking in my surroundings. I was slumped against a mossy tree, with a sizable fern covering most of my body. About ten feet in front of me was Owen lying completely passed out on a bed of leaves. A throb of pain caused me to remember that I had been shot, bringing my attention to the bleeding wound in front of me. The dark blood was flowing steadily from the uneven hole in my leg. I debated for second whether or not I should try to pull out the bullet, but then I decided against attracting any nearby dinosaurs with my screams of agony. I slipped off my button up shirt, leaving me in a white tank top and khaki shorts, and twisted it up. I then took the twisted shirt and wrapped it around my injured thigh, a couple inches above my wound. I gave myself  half second to brace for the pain before I yanked the makeshift tourniquet as hard as I can. I bit my lip so hard, to keep from screaming, that I could feel the skin break, my mouth filling with the metallic taste of blood. I then tied one knot before grabbing a thick nearby stick and placing it on that knot. I then twisted the tourniquet with the stick, causing me again to cry out in pain. I finished tying it off, making sure it was secure before I tried to stand.

I knew standing would be the hardest part, but I hoped my adrenaline rush was enough to keep at least some of the pain away. I squatted on my good leg, and braced the tree behind me for support, before pushing off the ground and guiding myself up to a stand. I nodded, satisfied with my achievement, before testing out my bad leg. I hesitated for a second before setting that leg on the earth floor, testing it out with a bit of weight. I winced at the sudden ache of pain that shot through my leg, but the sound of exploding rock gave me another surge of energy. I hobbled over to Owen, hoping that he would be semi-conscious by this point, but to my dismay he was still out cold. I assessed how I would try to move him before glancing back at the woods behind us. I could now see the slight orange glow in the distance, which sped up my decision making process significantly. I decided on dragging him by his legs, thinking that would be my easiest way to move this giant of a man. I bent over, grabbing each of Owens legs, trying to ignore the increasing throbs of pain shooting through my leg and now lower back. I started to pull him across the dirt and grass, following the tire tracks out of the woods.

I watched as Owens head bounced along the jungle floor, flinching whenever he hit a rock or stick. I had made it about 1,000 feet at this point, fast enough for me to forget about the lava as this point, but not fast enough for me to get us out of here before I go under again. I could feel the edges of my vision start to blur, ignoring the black dots beginning to float around the jungle scene in front of me. As I was continuing to pull Owen I felt a light twitch in his leg, causing hope to shoot through me, reenergizing me all over again.

“The hell... Y/n? What’s going on?” I heard from the ground behind me. I stopped dead in my tracks, practically throwing Owens legs on the mossy floor beneath us.

“Owen?” I whipped around to see the raptor trainer half sitting up, testing out his regained strength in his fingers and hands. “Owen, oh my god you’re awake!”

“Yeah, but what exactly are you doing. And what the hell happened to your leg?” Owen frowned as his eyes swept over my figure in front of him. I barely heard him though, my focus more on keeping my mind from shutting down completely. I stumbled backwards, my hands reaching for a tree to support me, but only finding leafy plants and ferns.

“Hey, hey, hey, Y/n! Stay with me now,” I think I heard Owen say in the background, but I couldn’t tell for sure as my vision slowly slipped away and my legs finally gave out, causing me to collapse to the muddy jungle floor.

 -

A screeching roar caused me to jolt awake. I was still groggy and now quite confused as I looked around. It took me a moment to realize I was in Owen’s thick arms, one wrapped under my legs and the other around my upper back, pressing me close into his toned chest. Close enough where I could smell his scent; earthy from laying on the ground, yet also quite masculine like leather and wood.

I snapped out of my trance to finish taking in  the rest of my surroundings, we were running in an open field, I saw Claire and Franklin running ahead of us, and I think I knew what followed behind us too. I dared to peek over Owen’s shoulder, he glanced down and flashed me a concerned look before sending his attention back ahead of us, what I saw behind us scared me down to my core. All sorts of dinosaurs stomped behind us, followed by an erupting volcano and lava creeping in. Ash danced and floated throughout the air around us, lightly dusting Owen’s head and shoulders.

 Owen came to a sudden stop in front of a gyrosphere, gently placing me on the ground, careful of my injured leg. Before I could turn and say anything, he was picking me back up and throwing me into the glass ball, shoving Claire and Franklin in behind me.

“Owen, let’s go!” I shouted at him, gesturing him to hurry in, but before he could make any movements I felt the ground shake aggressively. I turned around to see a Carnotaurus approaching us and my stomach dropped as I looked back at Owen, who was now staring at me with panic and desperation in his eyes. Before the monster could attack Owen, it ran off to fight another dinosaur, causing us both to sigh in relief. The feeling of relief was short lived as a hit to the glass sphere from a T-rex's tail caused the door to close, sealing us off from Owen. We made eye contact again as I screamed his name, but another hit to the ball sent us rolling off. Between the anxiety of leaving Owen behind, and the pain from my leg setting in, I could feel myself fading. But the sudden descent off the cliff woke me right up. Claire, Franklin, and I all looked at each other, screaming as loud as we could as we hit the water with a thud.

“Ok, ok, don’t panic, we’re going to be fine,” Claire said through rapid breaths. But as the words left her mouth, water started to leak in, pooling around our feet. Franklin started screaming again as a rock hit us from above, causing sea water to rush in. Claire and I both frantically started looking for a way out. I took off a shoe, pounding it against the glass, but it was no use. As the water seeped into my wound I let out a cry of pain, doubling over and clutching the hole in my leg. Claire and Franklin both looked at me concerned.

“Did you get shot?” Franklin screamed, “Oh my god you’re gonna die, we’re gonna die!”

“Franklin! Calm down! We’re gonna be fine,” I shouted, reassuring myself as well, but as we all gulped down the last of the oxygen I really started to panic. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure approaching and my panic was changed to hope as I saw Owen swimming toward us. But I started to give up hope once again as his bullets failed to break the glass enough to release us. Owen came back and took out a pocket knife which helped pop the glass door off. My lungs were starting to burn, and the edges of my vision were touched with black. I pushed Claire and Franklin out, and fought my unconsciousness as we swam for the surface.

“Owen,” I mumbled weakly as we broke the surface, coughing up water and sucking down air. Though the fresh oxygen wasn’t enough to keep me awake as I gave into the darkness, drifting back down into the water.

 -

“Y/n! Y/n!” Owen whispered at me, shaking my shoulders fiercely. My eyes fluttered open, taking in my change of surroundings. I was laying on the floor in some sort of tented area. Zia, Claire, and Franklin stood around a table with Blue strapped down, and Owen kneeled before me, staring at me intensely.

“Owen?” I rasped out, my throat thick with smoke and salt water. “W-what happened? Where are we?”

“Oh thank god you’re awake,” Owen breathed out, grabbing the side of my face with a calloused hand, the other one pressing gauze on my thigh. “I thought I lost you for a second there.”

A flash of white hot pain shot through my leg, up my back, and into my head. My muscles tensed up and my back arched in pain as I let out a cry.

Owen’s hand pressed me back down to the ground, and then went to stroke my hair soothingly as he said, “Zia it’s not looking good over here, we need to hurry it up.”

“Well it’s not looking good up here either, Owen, so you’re going to have to make a decision here,” she shot back.

Owen glanced up at the hemorrhaging Blue, and then back down at my pale, sweaty face. “Save Y/n, she’s always the priority,” he said with a ferocity that sent shivers down my spine. I would have been more touched if it weren’t for my increasing pain.

“Franklin, come put pressure on this wound, and Claire bring me my bag,” Zia instructed as she came to join Owen and me on the floor. She took a look at my leg, assessing the wound. I tried to ignore her wince as she examined.

“That bad?” I said with a shaky laugh, through my shallow breaths. She ignored me and started to go to work.

“Ok, this is gonna hurt. Here put this in your mouth,” Zia told me as she shoved my bloody shirt into my mouth. I braced for the pain, and Owen wrapped a comforting hand around the back of my neck, letting the other wrap around my hand. I then felt cold metal dig into my wound, causing me to scream as it moved around. I thrashed and screamed into the shirt as Owen moved to push my shoulders back onto the ground. My breathing was rapid and fast as I felt the bullet slide out of my leg. I then felt a needle press into my skin, hopefully filling my blood with some sort of pain medication.

“Hey! Look at me, look at me,” Owen said calmly, pulling my attention to his face. I took my focus away from the pain filling my body, and looked into his eyes. His hazel eyes danced around my face, filled with concern for me. I reached a hand up to the side of his face, and pulled him toward me. The minute his lips connected with my own, I could feel the tension leave my body. His lips were soft and gentle on mine, making the kiss very tender and sweet. My hands ran through his sweaty hair, and our lips disconnected as I let my hand drop to the floor.

“I needed that,” I breathed out, still staring into his now glowing eyes.

“Me too,” he said with a smile, and I could practically hear Claire roll her eyes behind us. I didn’t care though, my pain meds were setting in, and Owen settled in next to me, re-positioning me so he was perpendicular to me. He placed my head in his lap, and leaned back against the canvas wall as he looked down at me once again. My head was feeling fuzzy as I was letting sleep wash over my body. Owen leaned down and placed one last passionate kiss against my lips, and I felt my body relax, and my eyes droop. He let an arm fall over my waist protectively, and let the other tangle into my messy hair. I then drifted off, feeling safe and warm in Owen’s arms.

[my-healing-journey]

June 4, 2021

At the advice of my therapist, I have written the following letter to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This has not been mailed to any church official, and has not been shared with any church members in particular. I felt it important to share here.

——

Dear Mormon Church,

To the friends I used to have, to the people who watched me grow, to those who held my babies, to you who comforted me, to you who brought me food, and to all of you who then turned and believed the worst of me when you were lied to,

I’m hurt.

You’ve hurt me.

I used to find peace at church. Now all I feel is wrecked.

A black ball of tightly wadded mess sits in my stomach, just below my diaphragm.

How could you?

How could you betray me like that?

For those who told me they loved me on a regular basis, and then turned eyes of hatred against me.

How could you?

You didn’t even bother to verify the stories with me. You didn’t ask me how I felt. You didn’t support me. You didn’t bother to come visit me. You looked at my children differently. You stopped talking to me altogether. You outcasted me.

Because of lies.

Lies that I still can’t believe you believed.

How could someone who claims to love you, who claims to cherish you, who claims to appreciate you, cast you aside without a second glance? Without a second thought?

This church is a boys’ club. I’d heard it before, but I didn’t believe it.

I know it now. I know it. I know because I’ve lived it. I’ve witnessed firsthand. And I can’t ignore it.

So where do I go from here? Do I leave the faith I still largely believe, in order to try and find peace? Since attending and even not attending brings me agony of spirit, do I cut ties and find some other way to move forward? Do I join another church? Despite the teachings unique to this church which I feel are true? Will the other churches just be glorified boys’ clubs, too?

Will I be damned if I do not raise my children in this church?

I am terrified.

I feel frozen with one foot dangling from a crumbling cliff face.

Do I stay or do I go?

Not everyone has been awful. Some people have been wonderful. They are the ones who I know are true friends. They tell me to do what I feel is best for me. But I don’t know what’s best for me. I’ve always been taught that church is best for me, and I’ve believed that for my entire life, but how can something which brings so much turmoil and sorrow be good?

“By their fruits shall ye know them”

The fruits I’ve seen here have been spoiled. I see others receiving whole, beautiful fruits, and mine used to be beautiful as well, but now they’re tarnished and brown and fermenting.

I don’t understand the disconnect.

I’m hurt.

To you who told me to pray for things to be fixed: I did.

To you who told me to pray for hearts to be softened: I did.

To you who told me that my marriage would work once a couple of decades had passed: I didn’t want to suffer. He didn’t deserve my suffering. I didn’t deserve my suffering. My children didn’t deserve to suffer.

Is the institution of marriage really more important than the souls it involves? Because he had the power to destroy my soul. My soul had been crushed. I managed to salvage what was left before it was completely gone.

I am scarred. So many scars.

And, unfortunately, you have added to those scars in such deep ways that I can’t bring myself to stand near a temple again.

I used to love church. I loved church. I loved the temple. Now I just want to cry whenever I see one. The buildings remind me of the pillar I used to have. The pillar which is now dark and tainted.

There was no “praying the problems away.”There was no “handing the problems to God.”There was no prayer which could have solved my problems.

I know, because I tried. I tried for seven years.

This wasn’t a trivial matter. This was my family. My life. My children’s lives.

I prayed for kindness. I prayed for his heart to be softened. I prayed for him to smile at me. I asked to be seen. I asked for gentleness and peace. But most of all, I prayed to just be kept safe. For my children and I to be protected from his anger.

We weren’t protected. I didn’t receive kindness from him. (And when I did, it was in lieu of an apology.) His heart wasn’t softened. His smiles were shallow. He didn’t see me. He wasn’t gentle, and he didn’t bring peace. And he hurt my children.

He told them to shut up when they were singing. He locked them outside the house. He hit them. He hurt them. He force-fed them. He screamed at them. His actions told me that he hated them. Those who are precious to me. Those who should’ve been precious to him.

I want you to know that he put on a show for you. He lied to you. He was pious and compliant at church. He was tender-hearted and kind at church. He was helpful and loving at church.

You were duped.

I don’t blame you for that. I was duped, too.

What I blame you for is the actions you took. And the inactions. When I vocalized what was happening, I was silenced. I wasn’t believed. I wasn’t seen. You ignored me. And then you shunned me when I dragged my broken soul somewhere else in order to save myself before I was completely destroyed. In order to protect my children, the most innocent of all.

I needed you, and you left me.

You who raised me. You who claimed to love me. You believed his lies, and you abandoned me.

These scars run deep.

I don’t know if I’ll ever recover.

I’m tired. I’m so tired. I hate feeling this way.

Some of my wounds have healed. These ones run deep.

I’m torn and wounded and hurting.

To those of you who actively and immediately took his side and hated me without bothering to ask me for my part:

Fuck you.

Congratulations, you’ve sided with an abuser and perpetuated the boys’ club. Get out of my life. And stay out. You are not welcome here.

To those of you who reached out in concern but then refused to hear my story because you wanted to remain neutral:

I don’t need you.

Mutual support should not be given when one of the parties threatens the other’s life and wellbeing. So fuck you, too.

To those of you who remained oblivious:

I cast no blame.

And to those of you who helped me, who cried with me, who embraced me and listened to me, who reached out with kindness and sincerity:

Thank you.

I want you to know that your support has been and is still immensely appreciated. Your comfort helps bring peace to my battered soul.

“By their fruits shall ye know them”

You are beautiful. Thank you for believing me. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your patience and perseverance.

I am hurt. I am wounded. Church has failed me. It’s a giant boys’ club. I know that now.

I wish I could feel peace here again. I wish I could feel happiness here again. I wish I could heal these torn parts of my soul.

I don’t know how to move on.

God never left me. I started feeling His presence again as soon as I moved out of the house I had shared with my husband.

This has been such a confusing experience. Such a disheartening, sickening, anxiety-ridden, fear-inducing, loathsome experience.

I hate that my relationship with my religion has been blackened. I hate that this was one of the casualties of my divorce.

Why did it have to be like this?

I know that the church is a patriarchal society. I never hated that until I went through my divorce. Now I feel invisible most of the time. I feel like I’ve been swept under a rug. I’ve become one of the situations we’re not supposed to talk about. When the family isn’t forever, when the word “abuse” is appropriately used.

To all of the previously addressed church members,

To members everywhere:

Abuse is very real. It exists. It is rampant in religious circles. Those of us who have experienced abuse need your belief. We need your support. We need your understanding and your reassurance.

Wake up.

Believe the victims. Prosecute the offenders. Don’t let them continue to move on and do whatever they want to do. Don’t let them lay their hands on someone else, whether in blessing or in harm. Protect the innocent. Stand for truth and righteousness.

That’s what you’re supposed to do.

I want you to know that I’m not crazy. I never was. I never cheated on him. I never did anything to even remotely dishonor my marriage vows. I was loyal. I was faithful. I lived every commandment I was taught to the “T.” I was a good wife. I am a good mother.

And I hate you sometimes.

You’ve brought me so much pain and agony. To the deepest parts of my soul.

How dare you.

Not a question.

A statement.

How dare you.

God never left me. But you did.

[fairiencarnate]

Typed out the dream I just woke up from so I don't forget it. Its wild and detailed and potentially triggering if you don't like public humiliation, blood, graphic shit, or nudity.

My family and I had to keep moving because every house we found had malevolent ghosts and demons n shit. This went on for a while and we tried all kinds of tactics to keep the spirits out, including finding human remains that the ghosts were tied to and moving them off the property. Nothing worked. While this was going on, we had new kittens and a puppy in our family and I was carrying one of the cats around in my shirt (just a random detail lol). Also, while we were fighting off spirits I somehow figured out how to grab and twist peoples muscles and internal organs without physically touching them. It reminded me of some bloodbending type shit.

Anyway, eventually we found this town that was really friendly and communal so we decided to stay there. We found a house on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Weirdly enough the paranormal shit toned down once we moved there. We still had the occasional spirit but they weren't super destructive or anything. We started socialising with the community and everyone seemed so nice and helpful. There was a town hall that people sometimes hung out in and I started going there occasionally.

This is when I fucked up. I can't remember exactly what I did, but I did something against the town rules and before long everyone knew about it. When I went into town people would look at me funny and whisper among themselves. I wasn't allowed in the town hall anymore. Eventually this became too much and I started having panic attack while out with my sister, so I went looking for my mum, who had my anxiety meds for some reason. She was in the town hall and I was desperate, so we went inside despite me being banned, took one of my pills, and sat on the floor holding myself and trying to calm down. This was really bad because somehow this ended with me and my sister being told we had to attend a judgement ceremony.

We were really confused but we went to where this thing was supposed to be held. It was outdoors, and decorated for daaaays. Like climbing vines and bouquets of flowers everywhere. There were rows of seats full of people from the community, all staring at me. The ceremony started and my sister and I were told that we had to physically fight these two people for the right to go unpunished. The battle started. I've never been in a proper fight before and I felt I had no choice but to use my weird ability to win, so I did. It was awful. I could feel in my mind their internal parts straining and convulsing and they were obviously suffering but I had no other way of winning. I finally stopped, and they slumped to the floor, obviously incapable of fighting us now. The crowd was not happy, and demanded we were punished despite winning, since I'd used such ruthless tactics. My family were watching and couldnt do anything to stop it. My sister and I were stripped and dragged to a couple of ladders and made to climb up to a little ledge we had to stand on. Then my sister and I were basically crucified in front of everyone there, but they used way more nails, like through our belly and arms n shit. It was agony. We had to stay up there a while before they pulled us down again. It wasn't over though. We were placed on another stage-like thing and we had to give a speech while naked and bleeding about the experience and how sorry we were for breaking community rules. People yelled and threw stuff at us.

I don't remember much after that, except that we left town and I flipped the cops off on the way out lmao

[asmund-scion-of-ice]

The Unconquerable

I sat with Ivaria, looking into the night sky. I placed a wing around her, “ Treasure what you have here, dear one. I know I do. I’ve lived here for only a few months myself, but I’ve found a home away from home, and plenty of friends.”

I sniffled a bit, and memories unwanted flood my mind...

----------------------------------------------------------------

Another harsh winter. This campaign was barely trundling along under the weight of the snow and wind. Lack of food and rough conditions have worn down the men and women fighting under me. I pondered this predicament as I hunched over the side of... whatever this mountain happened to be named.

This war had slogged on for three years now. My forces, the Rovriddare Rebels, were a hardy mix of dwarves, humans, a sprinkling of kobolds, and tengu. My country was in the high mountains, with access through only three passes. My army numbered only in the thousands. I sighed as I chewed on a mountain goat’s horns, picking my teeth with them. How would I go about turning the tide?

The war began when I, Asmund Frostwing, decided to break away from neighboring Draconia. The Council of Wyrms was shortsighted. How could they not see the benefit of a white dragon on the council? How could they not defy the Imperials, and stop sending money and forces to do their bidding.

Bah. I spit the horns off the cliff, watching them fall thousands of feet. As I watched, my eyes followed the valley, out and away from Herenshem Pass. There, three or four miles out, under the cover my the storm, was an army. A vast army, flying Draconia’s flag. Hundreds of thousands, ready to crush my nation.

I roared, launching off the cliff, back to my army. They were shivering in the cold, huddling close to too small fires. I roared a great battle cry, and my trumpeters and drummers answered. I began issuing orders, men and women running hither and thither, gathering arms and armor.

Fifteen minutes later, ranks of warriors stood ready. The snow storm grew in intensity as I called upon the gods for aid. My troops and I felt invigorated on the eve of battle; a good sign. Dolg would aid us this day. 

The blizzard whipped through heavy plate mail, furs, and scale alike. The Draconian army stood smartly in rank and file, at the bottom of the valley, just a mile away. My forces stood on the rocky mountainside, our position fortified with boulders and walls of ice. Yet, my people were not the type to stand and defend a position; no, they were fierce warriors, ready to charge down into the fray. Only loyalty held them at bay, loyalty to me, their Baron.

The mages of the enemy began to fling spells of fire and wrath down upon my army, my shamans working quickly to shield my warriors. Soon, the snow covered valley rocked with explosions and magic. Catapults fired into the mountainside, boulders splintering ice and bone. There were no trees left in this valley, the terrain open for miles, plenty of open area for siege engines and bowmen to launch their projectiles. As for us, we had a small escape route to the rear, leading north, into Rovriddare, and into Herenshem.

The valley was perhaps half a mile wide at its widest, narrowing to a quarter just below my troops. I was already taking casualties. I held my ground, just as my troops did. 

“Hold, brothers and sisters!” I shout to the wind, the fierce howl only overcome with my strongest roars, “We will not fall this day! Hold until you see the whites of their eyes! These slavers will not defeat us! They face you mighty few!” Cheers and battle cries echoed over the mountain side. “Louder! We defy you, you apologist fools!” I rose my own roar to join the awe-inspiring, warbling cry of my army. The mountains themselves shook. Ice and snow began to tumble, and then fly down the mountainside.

The enemy cried in dismay as my people shouted, for glory was at hand. Avalanches, massive, unyielding, prompted by my magic and my forces, crushed thousands of soldiers, horses, and equipment. No time to rejoice, as the first ranks reached our positions through a hail of magic and arrows.

I jumped into the fray, “Follow me! Dolg is pleased! TO BATTLE!!” A deafening roar, even louder than before, poured forth from my troops. The Draconian conscripts, armored in no more than leather, began falling like cattle to the slaughter. My heavily armored warriors, shamans, and berserkers sliced through their lines, coloring the snow red for the length of our line, almost an entire mile. Yet I worried, as my lines were thin, staggered to dissuade draconic air attack. Crushing three men between my teeth and smashing a group of five down the mountain, we slowly advanced toward the enemy. 

The more men I killed, I realized I was taking more small cuts, more slashes to my hide. I bugled a call, mimicking the war horns of my own forces; we retreat back up the hill, the armored knights and wardens pushing upward behind. Even some musketeers followed, firing rounds into my retreating warriors. 

My gut began to sink as I realized the toll this battle was taking. We were cornered. My few thousand had been reduced to a few hundred. Corpses littered the mountainside. Draconian knights triumphantly marched up the mountain, the wind and blinding snow seemingly having no effect. 

Cursing, I froze a swathe of soldiers five thick and twenty wide. My army was an afterthought. I realized, as arrows tore through my wings and pikes stabbed at me from afar, I was the target. I sounded the retreat, “Fall back! To Herenshem! We can defend there! Runners, get the townsfolk out and north! We must hold them!” In the chaos, my army fell apart. Warriors began fleeing. Those too brave or honorable to flee were cut down. My army was routed. 

I took off, pummeling any Draconians I could with man-sized hail. I soared high above my routed soldiers, passing low over the pursuing Draconians, freezing many, flinging others from the mountain. The chase continued as the remaining men and women fled through the remains of our camp, around the mountain, to the pass. A few tried to stand and fight, giving the others a lead. Many were cut down. 

I cried out as I realized the number escaping over the small pass: sixteen dwarves, thirty kobolds, fifty humans, and seven tengu. A little over a hundred. My heart tore asunder as I heard a familiar roar behind me. Gilligrex the Black.

A black dragon, general to the Council of Wyrms, and a long-time rival. The beast sought human wealth, slaves he could hoard. Scales darker even than the night, wicked horns splayed out and forward, claws the size of carts, and breath more deadly than any disease, Gilligrex was not to be trifled with. Yet, my anger and sadness, the need to protect my people, overrode any sense of self-preservation.

“Gilligrex, how unpleasant to see you!” I shout across the air between us, the buffeting winds barely moving us. “You look as ugly as ever. Too much swamp water, or are your scales just dull because all you do is brown nose the Council?” I laughed, a dragon on the verge of losing everything.

“Asmund Frostwing, the traitorous lowlife -- “ Gilligrex was cut off mid-sentence as I charged, my talons reaching forward to grapple the younger dragon. He quickly belched out a small cloud of acid, hoping to burn my eyes away; my plume of frost was stronger, pushing away the smog in the blizzard. We collided in mid-air, our talons raking at each other’s stomachs and faces. 

We fell, as stones, tearing into one another, “Why you!?” Gilligrex and I wrestled to be the one on top. Thousands of feet we fell, toward the pass and the two mountains there, both over 16,000 feet themselves. I bit into his neck, black blood spraying over the valley. The Draconian army only watched as their champion slammed back first into the mountaintop. He tore effortlessly into my innards, our blood mingling in the snow as his back snapped.

The thousands of beings fell silent as the black dragon screamed in agony. Gilligrex’s cry cut short as my fangs tore through his veins and windpipe. I stood, staggered, victorious. My forces cheered, Asmund’s One Hundred and Three fighting now with renewed vigor. With a roar, I tore off the head of my opponent, tossing it to the Draconian army. They too fought with vigor.

I choked on my own blood, trying in vain to hold back the realization of what would happen to my people. Cities, razed to the ground. Everyone, murdered, entire bloodlines destroyed. The entire land, laid waste. With a roar, I focused all of the mana I could gather.

A wall of ice formed between my forces and the enemy. Draconia stood on the precipice of victory. With a roar of anger, I let the mana go. I launched into the air, my entrails dragging behind. Two mountains, shortened by three thousand feet. Millions of tons of rock exploded into the valley and onto the pass, crushing hundreds of thousands of knights, soldiers, horses, and equipment in seconds. The sky was suddenly clear as the boulders quit tumbling and the snow stopped falling.

I struggled to move my wings as I glided over the wall of ice. My wings became useless, and I plummet to the ground. 

------------------------------------------------------

I was brought suddenly back to reality.

“Are you alright? You seem a little sad.” Ivaria looked up at me with questioning eyes, her concern clearly etched on her face.

I chuckled a deep, mournful chuckle, “ I have lost many over the course of my life. I do not wish to lose any more. My mind tends to wander on these long winter nights, you know. “

@shepherd-ivaria

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Thunderbird rescue; Newt Scamander x reader

This all came to me last night and I was just DYING to write it and I finished the last bit of it just this morning. I always kinda imagined ‘How did Newt really save Frank’ and this kinda was born, plus Frank is literally my all time FAV. creature, the first time I saw him in the theaters I was just in AWE of him. So while dedicated to Newt I also wanted to show my love of Frank as well.

Warnings: INTENSE FLUFF!!! traffickers (PUT A STOP TO THEM BOTH HUMAN AND ANIMALS), near death, and Mother Hen!Newt Scamander (does that even count? Oh well here I’m counting it XD)

_____________________________________________________

It all started on a simple trip to Egypt.  I along with my lifelong friend and fellow Hogwarts student Newt Scamander were told by the Ministry to go there just to scope out any illegal actions or suspicious characters wanting to expose the wizarding community, but what we didn’t expect was for the adventure of a lifetime to happen.

One late afternoon, Newt and I were just passing through the small market place taking in all the sights of Egypt. Marketers were selling anything they could get their hands on from foods from exotic lands to valuable treasure.

“Would the lady like a necklace? My dear boy buy a pretty necklace for a pretty lady”. A jewelry salesman said to Newt and I as he held up a beautiful golden necklace with a beautiful ruby gem at the center.

“Should I?” asked Newt.

“It’s up to you, you know me I’ve never been a big jewelry fanatic, but it is a beautiful necklace”.

“Alright then, I’ll take it”.  He then paid the man five gold pieces and the jeweler handed Newt the necklace.  He then turned to me and said as he held out the beautiful necklace, “May I?”

“Of course good sir,” I said as I turned around and Newt hooked the necklace around my neck.  I turned back to face him and asked him, “How’s it look?”  Newt just stared at me and he muttered,

“Wonderful”.  I smiled bashfully and said.

“Well come on let’s go, more people could be coming and we wouldn’t want to block them”.  I then walked on as Newt followed behind me.  As the day went on, there was nothing suspicious going on nor were there any strange creatures wanting to cause havoc, that is until we saw three gentlemen walk into an alleyway.

“(Y/n), did you see that just now?”

“Yes I did, let’s go”.  We then followed behind the three men without being detected.

We followed them out of the city and far out into the desert and it was then did the three apparated.

“They’re wizards!” I exclaimed.

“Come on we can’t lose them”. We then apparated as well and trailed behind them.We soon found them at an isolated campsite, we stayed above a rocky hill slope that looked downward towards the campsite.

“I think we may have found our suspicious characters” I whispered.

“We might have, and did you catch the brands on those three men when we were following them back at the village?” Newt asked me.

“Yeah I did, why?”

“I know that brand, they’re traffickers”. My eyes widened and I looked down into the campsite.

“By Helga’s ghost, I pray they haven’t trafficked a child wizard like the last ones did”.

“I don’t think they’re those types of traffickers, in fact they may be worse”.  It was then Newt and I were horrified to see more traffickers come out with a large cage containing something inside, a very beautiful creature.

“Merlin’s Beard” muttered Newt.

“Isn’t that a—”

“A Thunderbird”.

“Oh the poor thing, kept like that in such a small cage”.  Newt then got up and began walking down the hill.  “What the—Newt? Newt! Come back here! Newt they’ll see you. Oh you bloody—” I whispered yelled at him but Newt wouldn’t listen.

I love that man but I swear one of these days his recklessness is going to get himself hurt if not killed. Wait a second, did I just say love? No, no, no. No time for that (Y/n) you’ve gotta help your friend not get himself killed by those traffickers.  I then got up from my spot and quietly and carefully walked towards Newt.

We stayed low and kept hidden from sight by hiding behind any nearby boulder that could be found.  As we carefully got closer we then began to hear the men talk.

“This beast will sell us a pretty price”. One man spoke with an Eastern European accent.

“Indeed, much better than that Erumpent horn we sold last month, eh Strasser?” said another man with an Australian accent.

“All I care about is that we don’t get caught by any of the Ministries and we’re payed full price for this creature” a Swahili man stated.  We then heard the sounds of the Thunderbird trying to get out screeching and cawing out in pain. Suddenly a loud bang to the cage and the Swahili man exclaimed. “Shut up! Bloody thing keeps squawking like that it’ll give us away. Let’s just kill it and be done with it!”

“No! We need it alive, no one touches the Thunderbird until we sell it. We leave first light” the ring leader with the Eastern European accent stated.  Newt and I looked at each other then we heard absolute silence as the men probably went back into their tents to rest up since it was starting to get dark.

“We’ve got to free this creature and get as far away from here as we can before sunrise” said Newt.

“But how? This is a Thunderbird Newt, it’ll start raising the alarms as soon as we get close to it, and who knows how many more men there really are”.

“That’s why I’ll take care of them while you get him free”.

“No Newt I won’t let you take on all those wizards by yourself”.

“There’s no time for debating (y/n), please darling the Thunderbird needs our help, and we haven’t got much time”.  Newt looked at me with those big puppy dog eyes of his that shined with so much love and passion for wanting to free this beautiful creature.  I sighed heavily and said.

“Just promise me you’ll try to stay safe if worse comes to worse”.

“I promise”. He held out his pinkie and I smiled at him and wrapped my pinkie around his as we made our pact.

Newt then peeked over the rock first and slowly walked forward to look overhead towards the campsite then he turned towards me and gestured with his hands for me to come out.  I cautiously followed behind him and we were soon right up to the Thunderbird’s cage.

Upon closer inspection, this beautiful creature was in worse shape than we thought.  He was all chained up to make sure he couldn’t even flap his wings, his left leg was bleeding some the ankle chains he bore on him. We could also hear him breathing heavily but it sounded like someone breathing with smoke in their lungs. That raspy, wheezing sound that almost makes your heart break.

He suddenly opened his eyes and began squirming as he screeched out like I had feared.  Newt shushed him gently as he whispered.

“Shhh, calm down, calm down. We’re not going to hurt you”.

“There’s a good boy, it’ll be okay” I assured him as well as I slowly reached my hand in the cage and touched its neck and stroked it as he began to calm down.

I had only read stories about Thunderbirds but never seen one this close before, and now seeing him even in this condition he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  I couldn’t help myself but smile as a tear fell down my face as I softly giggled.

Newt then took out his wand but then suddenly that caused the Thunderbird to suddenly flip out and struggle even harder.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! We’re here to help you! Easy, easy”.  Newt tried to assure the Great Albatross.  “Alohamora” he said to the main cage.  After a few clicks and turns the cage suddenly collapsed onto the ground leaving only the chains.

“You two!” Newt and I turned around and saw the poachers all standing with their wands at attention.  Newt shielded me and then fired a spell at them.

“Stupefy!” His shot hit one of the men down to the ground but the Swahili man fired a spell at Newt knocking him down to the ground. I apparated out of sight and Newt proceeded to the plan.

He kept the poachers distracted while I tried my luck at these chains as I apparated back beside the Thunderbird.

“Easy boy, I’m gonna free you okay but you have to keep still for me”.  I then took out my wand but it was suddenly knocked down across the sand.  I looked up to see an old man with a grizzly black and white beard, cold, heartless eyes staring back at me and he sent another spell towards me, this time it had lightning strikes involved.

I groaned in pain as I tried to go towards my wand but before I could reach it, the man stepped on my hand making me cry out in pain.

“You know you have such a pretty face, you could worth more than that useless beast”. The man had the Eastern European accent we had heard and judging by how he carried himself he was probably the leader Strasser.

“Useless? Useless? Go to hell you sick bastard!” I sneered.

“What a shame, witches like you never make it past their prime when involved with such jobs”. He then said a Crucio spell which made me scream out in agony.

“(Y/n)!” I heard Newt cry out but as I saw him run towards me, two of the poachers bounded Newt and forced him to his knees. After a few more Crucio spells, I could barely even move as the leader grabbed me by the back of my neck and dragged me to the cliff’s edge.

“No! No please don’t do this. You can do this to her! Don’t do this to her! Take me instead! I’m the leader of this rescue punish me!” Newt screamed out but the leader didn’t listen to his pleas.

“Your friend is either very brave or very stupid to involve a woman like you into this. There could be compromise if you agree to come with us”.  I only looked at the man with cold eyes then with whatever strength I could, I spat in his face. He narrowed his eyes then without a second thought, he let go of me and pushed me off the cliff.

*3rd POV*

As (y/n)’s scream echoed through the desert, Newt cried out her name and then something happened that the poachers did not expect.  They soon chains being broken and a proud screech pierced the air, the Thunderbird was free.He flew down the gorge cawing out and soon he appeared underneath (y/n) and soon she fell onto his back and once he felt she was on him, he flew high towards the sky.

*1st POV*

I couldn’t believe this. This was how I was going to die, oh Merlin’s beard if only I had gotten to tell Newt how I felt about him before I….Wait isn’t that…. Suddenly I felt feathers against my face and I gripped tightly and when my brain finally caught onto what was happening, I realized I was on top of—no scratch that, I was riding on top of the Thunderbird. 

I was riding a Thunderbird! 

We soon flew over the poachers and Newt as the Thunderbird proudly let out its cries.  He then dove down and grabbed the man who had pushed me with his talons and judging by the sounds of his screams of agony, I can tell he wasn’t holding him gently. The Thunderbird soon let the man go and he plummeted to his death.

The Thunderbird circled back around and by ones or twos by both talon and beak, he picked up every single poacher and trafficker and tossed them over the gorge until they were all gone.  

He then circled back and went for Newt. He grabbed him by his talons and I heard Newt exclaim frighteningly as he was taken over the gorge and released but before I could even urge the Thunderbird on, he already read my mind and swooped underneath him and soon Newt was riding behind me on top of the Thunderbird’s back.

Newt and I looked embraced each other as the Thunderbird let out a powerful screech and then he turned around and we flew away from the campsite.

The Thunderbird flew us higher and higher until we broke through the clouds. Newt and I just couldn’t stop smiling as we were actually riding this magnificent creature. Newt leaned over to the side till he met with the Thunderbird’s eye and as he blinked at Newt, he smiled and I couldn’t help myself but say.

“Higher!” As if understanding my wish, the Thunderbird flew higher into the sky and did a flip which caused me to fly off his back but he then caught me with his talons.

“(Y/n)! Are you alright?” I heard the concern in Newt’s voice and I told him.

“You gotta try this Newt!” I proclaimed.  The Thunderbird continued to fly until we came out of a cloud break and when I looked down I could see the entire desert plus the Nile all at once.  Usually I would be scared being up this high, but since I was flying with not only Newt but with a Thunderbird, I didn’t give a damn.

We soon dove down towards the river and just as we reached it, I was soon on the water but the Thunderbird gave me enough elevation to actually ski on it.  I let out a happy giggles and I saw Newt peek out from the side of the Thunderbird as he said.

“You enjoying this love?”

“Am I ever!?” As I was swayed side to side for a brief moment, suddenly we came up to a low tree with muggle birds all swarming around it.  The Thunderbird released me as I skidded underneath the tree and as the birds swarmed around me, I suddenly began to lose control and I knew I would soon go under the water, that is if I didn’t feel something push against my back.

“We got you love!” I felt the Thunderbird’s beak right at the center of my back.  I soon looked ahead and took notice of a waterfall edge coming up.

“Full speed ahead, I’ve always wanted to try this!” I then extended my arms out like wings and I felt the speed being picked up as I skied across the water.

Then on time as the birds flew over the waterfall, I struck out a flying poise and was soon back on top of the Thunderbird’s back and Newt standing right behind me holding me balanced as the Thunderbird let out another proud call.

Soon our little flying fest had to end, as we came up on a mountain side just a mile before you reached our campsite, the Thunderbird landed letting out a couple of screeches before finally landing full on the ground.  Newt first slid off his back then turned and helped me off.

“You alright?” he asked me.

“That was—wow”.  Suddenly a wing surrounded the both of us as the Thunderbird looked at us with his piercing golden eyes.  He let out a soft purr as he eyed us first before turning his head completely upside down. Newt and I copied him as best we could, the Thunderbird blinked and tilted his head at us before turning around with his head still upside down, as Newt and I tried to do the same, I let out a yelp as I fell to the ground.

“Oh (y/n), you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, guess I’m not Thunderbird material” I let out a bashful giggle. The Thunderbird kept eyeing us.  Newt then walked up to this magnificent creature and said as he gently stroked his head.

“We are so glad you came through to rescue us just as we were only meant to rescue you. I will be forever grateful how you saved my friend. She means….well she means everything to me” he stated the end of his statement bashfully.  Could he—feel the same way?

“He’s right, if you hadn’t gotten free of your chains I would’ve—well I obviously wouldn’t even be here. Thank you for saving my life”. I held out my hand and stroked underneath his beak.  The Thunderbird softly cooed as it nuzzled both Newt and I gratefully.

“For saving us, we’ll do you one even better. We’ll get you back to where you belong, won’t we (Y/n)?”

“Absolutely, you deserve to be back home where you belong big guy” I said as I continued to stroke the soft, shimmering feathers of this beautiful creature.

“I’ll only be just a few ticks love, mind watching him for a moment?”

“Of course”.  Newt then apparated leaving me and the Thunderbird alone.  I turned to him and said, “Don’t you worry now, where we’ll be putting you for the time being will be far better than that horrible cage, you’ll be able to fly, you’ll be fed three meals a day, and you’ll be kept out of sight until we get you home. Because when Newt makes a promise, he never breaks it”.

I then began to think back on my feelings for him.  We’ve been friends since well since the day we met on the Hogwarts express.  We did practically everything together, we were even bullied together but we always had each other, then the day came of his expulsion.  I was devastated and heartbroken because that was also the day I was going to admit my feelings for him.

Yeah I know I’ve been in denial but I can’t ignore it any longer, especially after what had just happened.  As if sensing my distress, the Thunderbird softly cooed and nuzzled into my chest.  I smiled and said.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…..I almost lost the chance of telling the man I love how I really felt about him. Newt means everything to me, he’s been my best friend since forever and I never wanted to ruin that friendship so I tried to suppress my feelings for him, but after almost losing my life today I….I want to tell him how I feel but I—”

“I’m back so sorry it took so long, I also took the liberty of finding this,” Newt then held out my wand and I stared at it in awe.

“Newt you—you found my wand, thank you”.

“It was no problem, so is he ready?” We looked to the Thunderbird who looked at us and I said.

“I think he is”.  Newt then set down his case and opened it up and said to him.

“In you hop”.  The Thunderbird took flight before diving down straight into the case then Newt held out his hand and said, “Lady’s first”. I curtsied and stated obnoxiously,

“Why thank you kind sir” making Newt and I laugh softly before I descended down the staircase with Newt following right behind me.

Once we entered the case, we had entered a whole new world of enchantment. Various habitats surrounded the entire place and creatures big and small could be either seen or heard from just one area.  We turned just a short ways from the shed to the desert habitat with a tall rocky perch and saw how happy our Thunderbird was.

“I think he’s going to be okay”. I said as I watched him as the sun shined brighter than ever before in his habitat.

“Indeed (y/n), soon we’ll put him back where he belongs, to the wilds of Arizona”. I turned to Newt and saw through his eyes of how proud he was seeing this creature free from a cage, like a parent sending their child off to school.  You know with the way Newt cares about his creatures, he’d make a pretty great dad one day.  “(Y/n) I—”

“Newt I was….” We both said at the same time as he turned to me.  We stopped and bashfully chuckled at each other.

“You first” said Newt.

“No, no you started talking first before I interrupted, go on”.

“Okay, (y/n) I’ve…..When I saw you up against that cliff, and I saw that man push you off, I thought for sure I had lost you forever. I never want that to happen again, especially after not telling you how I have really felt about you. From—from the first time I saw you on the train on our way to Hogwarts for the first time I….I thought I was looking at an angel instead of a witch, and….well now I’ve probably ruined our friendship right about now but I’ve always loved—”

Oh this sweet, sweet man. I interrupted him with a kiss and after a second, Newt wrapped his arms around my waist as I wrapped mine around his neck bringing him closer.  Soon the need for oxygen became necessary as we separated but kept each other at arm’s length.

“Oh Newt, I’ve felt the same way about you for so long. At first I thought it just hormones or something but as time grew on I knew it was more than that. In fact on the day of your….well that day I was going to confess my feelings for you but I lost it. Then I met you again just two years ago and those feelings came back but stronger than ever before. And after today I just—I just can’t believe I almost lost my life without having told you my true feelings, I could have never passed on had I…..”

“Shhh, don’t think about that anymore my darling. You’re safe, you’re alive, and you’re here with me. I love you so much (y/n) (m/n) (l/n)”.

“I love you more Newton Artemis Fido Scamander”.

“Quite frankly my dear, that’s not even possible”. We both smiled and chuckled before he brought me in for another kiss.  Suddenly it hit me.

“Wait that’s it!”

“What’s it my love?”

“His name. You’ve just given me an idea for our newest creature’s name. Frank”.

“Frank the Thunderbird? Yeah, yeah I like it, I love it in fact! What do you think Frank?” Frank who was now on the flat rock ledge in front of us tilted his head a few times chirping before letting out a powerful caw.

“I think he likes it”.

“Yeah, don’t you worry Frank, once you’re all better we’ll bring you back home, that’s a promise”. Newt told Frank as he stroked his head softly as he flapped his wings softly.  “Come on love, we best head back upstairs and leave Egypt as soon as we can”.  As I turned to follow Newt, I suddenly felt something fall on top of my head.

I reached up and felt something soft and thin. I removed it from my hair to see it was a feather, a Thunderbird feather to be exact.  I turned to Frank and saw him up on the tall rock perch looking down at me and I could swear he was smiling at me for how proud he was at seeing me and Newt finally admitting our feelings to each other.

“Thank you Frank, I’ll treasure your gift forever”. I then turned around and walked away and climbed up the stairs and exit the case.  Newt held his hand out for mine and I took it as he helped me out of his case.

“So onto our next grand adventure?” Newt asked as he closed his case and held out his arm for me to take.

“To the ends of the Earth my darling” I stated as I wrapped my arm around his and the two of us apparated out of the desert.

We had went to Egypt on a quest to report any suspicious characters or to even rescue any magical creatures that would be in danger, never did Newt and I expect that we would end up needing the rescuing and from a Thunderbird no less, and thanks to Frank, Newt and I finally worked up the courage to admit our feelings and never would I take back that day ever again.

[lethe-distillery-blog]

Trials of the Gods

One foot in front of the other. It was all I could manage at this point since I couldn't even breathe properly. I guess I knew how asthmatics felt now, to suck at one thing, one thing at all, it must be annoying as hell to suck at breathing; and boy didn't I know it, every inhale sent a sharp stabbing pain through my chest. It took everything to not groan, hell, even whimper at this point, but I didn't. I couldn't.

"Are you okay?"

I gave Gabrielle a smile that I hoped was more than merely a grimace of the pain that shuddered through me at the effort. But I couldn't show her I felt nearly as bad as I felt, call it male machismo but I already knew she felt guilty enough for what happened, my injuries were just a constant reminder that carelessness was dangerous. "I'm good." It wasn't entirely a lie, I was good, good enough to keep walking and getting out of here.

She frowned, her delicate lips twisting and remorse flashing in those delicate jade eyes and my stomach knotted. "You seem really short of breath." She murmured, as if not quite sure if she was imagining things or not. I decided to go with it, to try and lighten up the situation rather than have her thoughts coagulate into storm clouds and drag her down for something that hadn't entirely been her fault.

"Hey," she looked up at me sharply, her eyes a little wide, a little frightened. Fuck. I reached out and lightly stroked her cheek, a little clumsily given that it was my left hand, but still, she accepted my comfort and I smiled down at her. "You'd be a bit out of breath too if you fell down a mountain. I think I know how Hephestus felt, but I doubt he was this ugly after he fell down Olympus."

I felt vindicated as the corners of her mouth twitched slightly, we were both massive mythology geeks, she had actually studied and was now a professor at the local college and could wipe the floor with anything to do with mythology or ancient religions. I wasn't too sour though, I couldn't deal with co-ed brats, been there once, didn't need to live with it on a daily basis. I wasn't quite that masochistic. "You're not funny." Though her voice sounded a lot better, not quite so dismal and defeated.

"Sure I am," I smiled through a stab of pain as I fought back my own laughter, that would only hurt more, "you're just not educated enough to see it."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." Though she was smiling a bit now, it was hesitant, a bit drawn, it was still a smile and I counted it as a win. Besides, I knew that my sarcastic comment would rib her a little bit, I had gone to school to become an architect, my six-month course on specializing in refurbishing old homes had made me beat her own schooling career.

She looked up at me, her heart in her eyes. "Thank you."

I let her hold me gently, my left hand trailed down her back in slow comforting motions. Part of me knew that she needed this more than me, that she needed tangential proof that I was alive and in one piece. Though to be honest with myself. I needed it too, I felt one step from death and feeling the warm softness of her pressed against me helped ease some of that fear and pain inside me, even if it did hurt like a bitch. "It's really alright Gabby." I kissed her temple and moved to run my fingers through her hair. "Promise."

She looked up at me, tears making the jade in her eyes glisten like exquisite Chinese art, intricately shaped and beautiful beyond any mortal description, the memory of those unique features had haunted many a dream of mine when we were apart. She shook her head, her brown curls splashing around her neck, she hated the curls but I enjoyed them, they had always fascinated me with the way they seemed to bounce off her shoulders and back. And here, now, I was able to finally see if they were as soft as I had always thought they were. Hell, if all it would have taken was falling off a cliff, I would have done it years ago and put myself out of this hell. "I still can't believe you did that."

I shrugged slightly instantly regretting the movement and that absolute agony that followed that stupidity. "It wasn't anything special," I was a bit uncomfortable under her praise and her obvious gratefulness. I kissed her temple again, using the excuse of comfort to shield the fact that I had been wanting this for-fucking-ever, and she smelled amazing. She smelled of the cool air, of the pine trees that we had walked through to get here, of the wilderness around us, but beneath that, I could smell apples and cinnamon, and woman. I savored that, imprinting it in the deepest recesses of my mind so then I would never forget it during the long months of separation that was due to happen sooner or later. My job was a nightmare that way.

"It was special," she looked at me and frowned, "not just anyone would shove me out of the way and have that happen to them. That, was a loaded word. That, involved a long story that included her wanting to take a picture at the top of the mountain, well, it was a very tall hill really, granted it was rocky but it had trees all the way up and a river from an underground source that then stretched out in a river towards the west. Anyways, she had wanted a picture and we had stood on top as per her dictates. She had gotten the picture. But I had felt the ground starting to give way and shoved her forward just as it all collapsed on itself and I had slammed down through a hollow and fell, with a solid thud I might add, about fifteen or twenty feet down. The impact had knocked the wind out of me, and it might have broken a rib or two, definitely cracked, I couldn't tell much else aside from the screaming pain from a broken arm.

Getting out had been fun. Not really she had had to support my much heavier weight on a rope and I had managed to half climb, and half get dragged out of there. Christ was I thankful that I had finally convinced her to start bringing paracord with her, even on nothing more than a 'simple hike.' If she hadn't, I didn't know where I'd be. Likely back in that hole and not limping my way back home with her with an improvised sling. Granted. I was at my limit, I really couldn't go on much further, everything hurt but damned if I was telling her that. Still though, this one day hike had now taken nearly two, and we still had half the distance to go to get to my truck. Food was running out, I was grateful as shit that I had forgotten some protein bars in my pack from the last hike I had been on. They provided some much needed calories.

If I wasn't so damned useless I might have been able to make a snare or something but as it stood, if I tried I would only hurt myself more and even though Gabby was a whiz, and had splinted my arm pretty damn good with duct tape, paracord, and two sticks it wasn't a cast and I could always damage it more. Still, food wasn't the biggest concern, neither was water, if we made it another mile before sundown I knew where there was a waterfall that joined with others on the mountain that then formed the Cascan River. I didn't know how the water tasted, I hadn't ever considered it before, but at this point it didn't really matter. Water was water, and I had some purifying powder in my backpack. Thank god I was traveling light, if I had been carrying my usual thirty pounds of gear I would be seriously fucked. Even so, I had dropped down to bare essentials. A pot, sleeping bag, water purifying powder with a small medkit, waterproof matches, and a flare gun with three flares. I'd come back for the extra things we had dropped off at the top, and if someone took them, all well, I was at least still alive and the most expensive thing they'd be getting away with was the wind-up radio.

"Come on Gabby," I urged, though my muscles were protesting the thought of more hiking. "One more mile, you can hear it from here." She nodded and regretfully left my arms, I hated that, and felt instantly cold, but if I gave in to my urge to hold onto her forever we would never get off this mountain. I started moving again, leaning heavily on the stick I had found and started using as a walking stick, it helped a lot, taking at least some of the weight off my aching body. Christ did I feel like a wimp.

"Let me help you." Before I could protest Gabby came up on my other side, wrapped her arm around my waist and helped take some more weight off me. I was grateful, even if I didn't say anything but the smile I gave her. Everything hurt. Every step felt like I was dragging my feet through quicksand, my feet weighed down by bricks of iron that were my boots. Still, we trudged on. My breath coming out in rattling gasps soon enough but still, we moved on. I forced my mind to play a game. Every time we came up and over a small ridge, I would tell myself that I only had one more left. The sound of rushing water was getting louder too, so that helped, I at least knew we were getting closer.

Finally, after I felt like I couldn't take another step we came on the waterfall. They're not as quiet as everyone likes to think they are. They're loud. Water sloshing over the edge and cascading down and colliding with rock or other water. This one was one of the quieter ones I had ever found, and even so it sounded like the chatter of a moderately busy restaurant. Loud, but not enough where one needed to shout to be heard. I plopped down heavily on the grassy edge, too tired to admire the beautiful scene around us at the moment. It took everything in me to keep breathing though I didn't begrudge Gabrielle as she looked around in awe. I did smile to myself as she looked around my little haven. I had no doubt others knew of it, but it wasn't on most of the maps that were sold and so I had come to think of it as my personal refuge. I had come here a lot, especially during college, when I needed to stop and think.

The water came from the mountain itself, sloshing through rock and tree roots as it cascaded down the steep drop to slam into rock on the way down. There was a standing of trees that sheltered this place from general view and from the winds that could come down a mountain at night. It was a nice, secluded, and serene place. A part of me was jealous that someone else was here in my sacred place, but the other part, the larger part, was happy that if it had to be anyone, it was Gabrielle.

"This," her voice was breathy and it made a certain part of my anatomy stand up at attention, "is so beautiful, like a dream." She looked to me, "how did you know that this place was here? It's not on my map." I watched her, the flush in her cheek making my cock twitch, good to know I wasn't as broken as I felt though to be honest I could do without the agony of having an erection pressing up against my jeans as well as everything else but hey, fuck it, I was in pain, why not add some more.

"I found it," I wheezed slightly, my breathing slowly becoming more steady, "about four years ago. Second year of college. I thought that I had read my map wrong but," I indicated our surroundings, "apparently not." I smiled at her, taking a few seconds to breathe, "do you like it?"

She nodded, her eyes alight with wonder. I almost could picture her here, setting up a small chair, her easel and paints and spending an afternoon out here. Maybe, after all this was done, I could surprise her with that and a picnic lunch out here. Yeah, that could be nice. I sat back, resting my hands behind me to stretch my chest in an effort to breathe properly.

"Are you alright?"

There was a note of concern in Gabby's voice again and I smiled reassuringly at her. "Yeah I'm good, why don't we set out the sleeping bags first? Then maybe we can eat some dinner and watch the falls for a bit. She nodded, smiling, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, the darkness and haunted look was coming back. Fuck.

Dinner was a simple affair of beef jerky and sharing our final apple between us. I did my best to take her mind off our plight by telling her stories of back when I was in college as I fed her apple slices. I told her back to my one teacher Mr. Hastings, and how I would sit in the back of the class and grade his jokes like the judges at a dive competition by scrawling a number on a piece of paper with a permanent marker and holding it above my head. I told her about college pranks, wild stories about speeding down the highway on a motorcycle so fast you could almost pretend you were flying, and finally, I don't even know why, I told her of Sara, the first time in my life I ever opened up about that horrific nightmare. She held me gently as I let it all out, the pain and the humiliation of being so utterly broken by someone that you no longer believed in yourself, no longer believed that you could be anything more than a shell of what you once were. I told her about the degrading, the name calling, the treatment of my body that ended up being so bad that for nearly two years after we had broken up I hadn't been able to even masturbate because I had heard her voice degrading me every time I had tried.

"I'm so proud of you." She looked up at me, the conviction in her eyes stopping the caustic remark, the self-defense, the self degradation that I knew was just to keep myself from getting hurt more. If I thought of myself as shit, it wouldn't hurt that Gabrielle thought so too. "You didn't let her win, let her keep you shackled to what she had tied you in."

"I'm not perfect Gabby, I have days thinking that I am so fucked up that no one could ever love me, how could they?" I felt all sorts of pathetic, but the pain was wearing down my defenses, and being here, in my haven, with Gabby. I was a fucking goner, I was as raw and exposed as a newborn; still Gabby held onto me like I mattered. I looked down at her, my breath coming out in harsh pants, "I am so fucking useless."

Her lips closed over mine. Shocking me so much I nearly tried to keep talking into her mouth before she pressed her tongue against mine. I melted into the kiss, this, affection that was offered to me freely, given without hesitation or my need to ask for it. She gave to me, freely, without hesitation, without consequence or the need to get something first before she gave me something in return. I was shaking a little by the time she pulled back, I was grateful that her breathing was hard too, her eyes nearly starting to glow in the moonlight. "You're not useless, ever." She stroked the softest of touches against my cheek and I hated myself for moving into it, I was grateful she didn't ask why I hadn't told anyone. The stigma around male domestic violence still was a massive issue, and I was a problem of it, but she understood that I hadn't talked to anyone about it, ever, and instead, forced myself, personally, to move on. She rose up, shedding her jacket behind her, "and for what it's worth Christopher, you are loved." She pulled her shirt up and over her head exposing luminescent skin so pale a sheen it glowed like porcelain. "By me."

I was too startled to say anything, let alone move. Only my eyes had the functionality and they greedily took in every inch of the woman of my dreams in front of me, the one that had been a part of my life for so long and yet always just barely out of reach. Always nearby, but always out of my clawing, desperate attention. And here, now, I realized that I had to be patient, I had had to wait for her to come to me.

She stood slowly, shimmying out of her jeans revealing a sports bra and full cotton panties. She wasn't dressed like a vixen, a seductress, she was dressed for comfort, and it was that comfort, that warmth inside her that I let swallow me whole. "You look so beautiful." It came out before I could stop it. She flushed furiously and the pink spread over her skin, but she smiled, a hesitant one, and I realized as well that she was as scared of my rejecting her as I was scared of her rejecting me. No way in hell that I would ever, ever, let that happen.

I reached up to stroke her skin, so delicate and soft beneath my fingertips. She looked down, as if embarrassed that she had curves, that she had stretch marks, that she had any possible thing she could define as an imperfection. I kissed the bare skin of her tummy, over her thighs lightly, and looking up at her. "You are such a goddess."

She stroked my cheek and I moved into it, aching for the kindness, desperate for it point of fact. The thing I hadn't told Gabby, the thing I couldn't even convince myself to admit is that I hadn't been with anyone since Sara. I hadn't trusted anyone, her cruel mocking words rambled their way inside my head any time I tried to even talk with the opposite sex with anything but something mundane. "You're a stupid fool!" I flinched and pulled back the harsh words rattling around in my head, "You're too small to be satisfying." My breathing started coming out in ragged gasps as I pulled back from Gabby. "I can't believe that all I am left with having." The harsh ice-cold words drove their way into my skull so loudly I wanted to beg them to stop, please, not here, not now.

"Chris," Gabby sounded a million miles away, a sharp feeling on my cheek brought me back and staring into the softest, most gentle, loving pair of green eyes I had ever seen set in the face of an angel and framed with dark curls. "Chris?" I nodded slowly, shame and embarrassment filled me but she forced me to look at her. "I'm right here," she kissed my lips, fingers stroking my skin with a touch so gentle it burnt like hot coals. "Focus on me, I'm right here, I'm the one with you. Not her."

I nodded and watched her, watched her as she released the most beautiful and perfect breasts I had ever laid my eyes on. My mouth positively salivated for a taste of her skin and the warm green fire that burned in her eyes as she looked down at me. I almost felt attractive, like this goddess could somehow be interested in the nothing that was me.

She stripped out of her panties, leaving her completely naked before me but for the moonlight that wrapped her in its touch. Her entire body exquisite and perfect in ways that defied any description by the old ones and their vivid tales of their goddesses. Mine was entirely unique onto herself. Without a word, she moved slowly, pulling my shirt off with some meager help from me. I looked like shit, I knew it. Her eyes narrowed as she helped free my upper torso and I flinched slightly. "Sorry."

Her lips found mine again, a soft kiss, impassioned but not rough, this was gentle and soothing, careful and tender. "You are so beautiful," she breathed, looking down at me, her fingers tracing over my chest raising chills in her wake. "It's just the bruises," she looked back at me, eyes troubled, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Please don't stop," I begged, not even caring about something so frivolous as dignity before this woman, before my goddess. "I promise, I'll tell you if you hurt me." Yeah fucking right, every time she touched me I was in heaven. She hesitated and I looked up at her, "please."

She smiled, it was a gentle smile, "I want to, don't ever misunderstand that Chris, I've been wanting this forever, you just kept pushing me away so much that I was worried my biggest fantasy would never come true." Her biggest fantasy? Me pushing her away? Well, I guess I had, it was easier to shove her away than to give in to this insanity that was now muddling my mind.

"I always wanted you too," I confessed quietly. "I was just too scared, especially after Sara, that you were way out of my league.

"Oh Christopher." She fell to her knees on the sleeping bag in front of me and kissed me hard, her hands skimming over my skin with a rough, desperate, and yet delicate. Her lips pulled away to cover my features with soft butterfly kisses and I savored each one. "You are so much more than you'll ever know."

I had no will to even speak, Instead I fell back pulling her over my body, I was in no shape to do anything but having her on me. Thank the gods she took the hint, she ripped my jeans down and I flinched. "Sorry, I know I'm not big but I can-."

Her lips cut me off again, I could get used to this, but still fear gnawed at my belly, her fingers sliding over my cock, squeezing and my back arched. "You're perfect because you're you." She looked down at me and her eyes widened before she looked back up at me. "If she ever thought you were small she must have something like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

I laughed at her crudeness, fuck it hurt, but damn did it feel good to let out all the pain and the shame, especially as she stroked me to near insanity. Gods, it felt so good to be touched again. No, correct that, it felt so good to be touched by my Gabrielle. "Fuck," I whimpered, "baby, you need to stop." She froze immediately thinking she was hurting me, I struggled to breathe. "It's been a long, long time," I hoped she understood the implication, "I won't last long."

Her smile was delicate. "Me too," she blushed more, "I think I was waiting for this." she stroked my cheek her eyes warm, "for you." I knew that feeling.

She slid over me and we both groaned, long, loud, with the gods and stars as a witness to our affection, to our joining, to us. She moved slowly, her body a wet velvet glove that seemed to fit me perfectly. Still, I knew I wouldn't last and I refused to be the jerk that took his own pleasure without giving any in return. The next time will be better. I silently promised her as she rode me, my fingers sliding down, feeling her wet folds, Christ, she was so wet. I loved it. I slid my fingers over the delicate nub of nerves and slid around in a tight circle loving the sweet moan that came from her lips.

"Oh yes, yes," her moans were breathy, her hands on my chest were an exquisite sort of pain that hurt like hell but it felt way too damn good to stop. I needed her, I needed this. I shuddered with every wet slap of flesh on flesh and I growled out, shuddering. I was so close, I hadn't even bothered masturbating in the last month. I watched her breasts bouncing with every thrust of her hips against mine. Sweet succulent fruit that begged to be touched, to be tasted. I latched my mouth on one. "Oh fuck, yes!" She cried out, thrusting harder, bucking like some wild beast as I swallowed her perky nipple into my mouth.

I felt my own orgasm coming up hard and fast, it came towards me like a Mack truck and I was preparing for impact. "Cum for me Gabby, cum for me." I threw my head back groaning out as I struggled to hold on as I looked up into her beautiful green eyes. "Cum for me, now!"

We cried out together, screaming our pleasures to the heavens above. I felt her whole body shuddering around me as I released myself into her wet and warm body, her fingers smoothing over my cheek, it was perfect. She, was perfect. She collapsed beside me but before I could even move she instead cuddled herself closer to me, as though afraid I would move and try to hurt myself, which I would. I felt, unreal, my toes were numb, my breathing was hard and ragged, but everything felt perfect, most of all, she felt perfect. I felt myself fading, but I clawed myself back to the surface enough to kiss her, and with a heroic surge of effort whisper a truth to her that I couldn't hold back anymore. "I love you." Then blackness wrapped me up in a warm, tight, welcoming embrace into a dreamless sleep.

I awoke to the same sharp pain now delightfully accented by a loud and annoying beeping, it sounded, regular. What the shit? I tried opening my eyes but it was like they were crusted together.

"Chris?" Gabby's voice, she sounded frightened and relieved.

"Gabby." I tried talking but my voice came out as a mouthful of nonsense, my throat felt so dry it was like I had swallowed down several pounds of cotton. What the fuck was going on. I felt something press against my lips. "Drink." Gabby's voice was firm and insistent. I didn't argue. I sipped the water from what felt to be a straw and after a few sips I fell back, exhausted. I barely cracked my eyes open and was blinded by the bright lights. What the serious fuck! I groaned and closed them again. Gabby took my hand.

"Keep your eyes closed," what the fuck was Dad doing here? Was I dying or something? "It's Tuesday afternoon." Where the hell had Monday gone? "You got pneumonia and passed into an unconscious state. Gabrielle stayed with you all of Monday but when you weren't waking up she got scared and rushed down and got help. The doctor said that if you hadn't been rescued when you were," his voice cracked slightly, "you might not have made it." I squeezed Gabby's hand reassuringly, my right one felt like it was in a cast. "Gabby told us what you did, that was damn fine of you, I'm glad I raised you proper to take care of a lady." He did, and I would be sure to treat Gabrielle with positively reverence and worship. "One broken are and two broken ribs ain't that bad for what happened to you though your swim in the water to try and clean off likely didn't help your situation but thankfully you didn't puncture a lung." What the, I hadn't gone, ah, got it, that's what Gabby had said we had done. I laughed silently to myself at her embarrassment and likely mortification, I squeezed her hand, and this time she squeezed back and I relaxed. Content. "Ah, that looks to be your mom walking in the hallway."

"Stepmother." I corrected, though I did love Carol to pieces.

"I don't know why you can't call her your mother," my Dad huffed quietly, "you treat her as any son should." I knew better than to answer that, because if she had been my mother, what I shared with Gabby would have been wrong, no matter how right it felt, and that, I refused to have happen.