#but the only reason she can’t have him is bc she’s too scared lol

[lyrakanefanatic]

Songs that I think would fit phone girl and graysons relationship pt. 2!!

dancing with our hands tied by taylor swift: I remember a mutual saying this in the comments of my last “songs i think would fit PG and graysons relationship” post but I can’t remember who, I think it was @reminiscentreader but I’m rlly not sure sorry 😭😭

“I, I loved you in secret” I imagine that they would keep their “situation” (i have a good feeling they will like kiss or something like that but then the next day will pretend like nothing happened or something pushes them apart?? Idk it’s a trilogy so jlb can’t give them a relationship right away) a secret from the hawthornes and the other contestants for a while when they do become official, but nash catches on first

“first sight, yeah, we love without reason” it was technically love at first sight bc gray kind of had feelings for PG when she first called him, when usually it wasn’t love at first sight for his past relationships (which is how u know they’re gonna be endgame 😍)

“My, my love had been frozen, deep blue, but you painted me golden.” basically how his past relationships had left him heartbroken and “blue” but when he met phone girl he really started to fall for her which “painted him golden”

“I, I loved you in spite of, deep fears that the world would divide us” grayson afraid of something tearing him and PG apart and almost expecting something to happen, or just expecting himself to drive her out like he did with his past relationships (😭😭)

“I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted” grayson literally says (when he’s describing his “girlfriend” to Gigi in the brothers hawthorne) that his supposed girlfriend, “wasn’t perfect, and when im with her, I don’t have to be either.” so this is very fitting LOL

fallen star by the neighborhood: yes, im only putting this one here bc I saw an edit that @herondalesbooklover posted and I liked the audio, so whatever sue me 😔

“I’ll keep you far away from me, like a star” Graysons habit of driving the people he loves out, and I can see him distancing himself away from PG bc he’s scared of falling in love again 💔

“Hard not to fall for you, I gave you all my heart” again, its Grayson trying (and failing) to not fall for phone girl, even though he knows she has his heart and always will 💗💗😜

“Further apart, the closer, the closer, the closer that we are” he’ll try not to get close to her, but he can’t keep himself away for too long and I have a feeling he’ll find himself getting attached and unable to block her out like he usually does with the people he loves

“You’re in my dna, I can’t keep away no matter how hard I try” like I said with ⬆️ one, he’ll try to keep her away but no matter how hard he tries, he will always find himself coming back to her (😭😭💗💗)

“I’m on a one way train and it’s far away, but you’re still on my mind” grayson will always run back to her every. single. time. just because of how much he loves her 💕😭

i can see you by taylor swift: this song is kinda averyjameson too but whatever i feel like it’d be fitting for PG and grayson too

“You brush past me in the hallway, and you don’t think, I, I, I can see you, do you?” I don’t rlly have a reason behind this line but “you brush past me in the hallway” would fit the kind of “professional” setting they have going on 😍

“I’ve been watching you for ages, and I spend my time trying not to feel it.” Okay PG hasnt really been “watching” him for ages but she has been kind of calling him and checking up on him, (for the riddle lmao) plus I feel like she’d try to deny the fact that she likes gray bc of her fathers death being somewhat related to the hawthornes

“But what would you do if I went to touch you now? What would you do if they never found us out? What would you do if we never made a sound?” Again, i feel like they’d keep their “relationship” a secret from everybody else until they become official

“And we kept everything professional, but somethings changed, something I, I like” Graysons probably gonna be a “helper” in the games so I feel like he’d try to keep a professional air with PG at first until he starts to develop feelings (not like he already didnt have feelings for her when she just called him LOL)

“They keep watchful eyes on us, so it’s best that we move fast and keep quiet” Okay but just think about how many people are on that island (there’s probably some maids, bodyguards, the hawthornes, and ofc the contestants) and then having to keep ur relationship a secret with all those people around 😭😭 but anyways once people start to kind of catch on, they’ll definitely pay closer attention to PG and gray just to see if the rumours are true

“I could see you in your suit and your necktie” suit. necktie. literally couldn’t have been anymore obvious 💀💀

“Passed me a note saying, ‘meet me tonight’” to discuss clues for the game or to do other things.. 😜

“Then we kiss, and you know I won’t ever tell, yeah” again, it’s just them keeping their relationship a secret from the other contestants + hawthornes

gorgeous by taylor swift: I haven’t listened to this song in a while but I did a few days ago and just realized how much it sounds like PG and gray omg 🫢

“You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk” probably just her mocking how “self obsessed” he sounds and also how he just expects to get what he wants and just the phrase “the world bent to the will of grayson hawthorne” 💀

“You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” this man does have a strong magnetic field, bc tell me why every girl he’s ever talked to likes him? 💀😭 (including phone girl 🤭)

“You’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much” this is so phone girl towards grayson omg.

“Whiskey on ice, sunset and vine, you’ve ruined my life, by not being mine” his family did kind of ruin her life, but add a romantic twist 😍

“You’re so gorgeous, I can’t say anything to your face, cause look at your face” grayson definitely is gorgeous, and I know phone girl found him attractive too 🫢 (who wouldn’t)

“And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way” ofc she’d be mad she has a crush on him, his grandfather was probably the reason her dad died 😭

“But what can I say? You’re gorgeous” 🤭.

“You should take it as a compliment that I’m talking to everyone here but you” probably PG trying to avoid grayson for a bit after she realizes she likes him

“And you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room” maybe at an event, or that masquerade ball, graysons hand brushes against PG or he holds it while dancing and she gets butterfliesss 🤭🤭💗

“If you’ve got a girlfriend I’m jealous of her, but if you’re single that’s honestly worse” I feel like she would be jealous of his “girlfriend”, eve, but would also be like “what. 😧” when he says he’s single bc HOW??!

“Ocean blue eyes looking in mine, I feel like I might sink and drown and die” ik shes crushing hard on those ocean orbs of his 🤭

“There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have” she “can’t have” him bc Tobias was apparently behind her fathers death, which is why she tries to deny she likes him

“You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad” her being mad she likes him 💀

OKAY THATS ALL, IDK WHY GORGEOUS IS SO DAMN LONG BUT WTV 😜

[ohwell-itsme-but-danganronpa]

Everybody loves Makoto/ Kokichi's crush (saiou endgame)

Clown_Chaoticz: Everyone once in while I wanna put Ouma in the "had a passing crush on makoto" pile, in like a hopes peak scenario It lasted like 3 days and he was very weird about it. He looks back on it in shame Just cause I think it's really funny

Sini: Makoto seems so boring but is so sweet, cute, and has his interesting moments, making the fact that he’s also so normal fascinating

Clown: He's also just so incredibly empathic. He really does try his best to understand the people around him Makoto pats his back a little too nicely and kokichi starts avoiding him like the plague

Sini: That’s literally how Mukuro falls for him He was the only one who smiled at her and wanted to understand her. Who saw past her So yeah, makes sense the same would apply to Kokichi

Clown: Makoto really do be everyone's first crush/j

Ves: makoto gives him one of his eight jackets on a cold night (shuuichi vc) i'll never be good enough for ouma-kun….i just don't have enough jackets…! cute boy….physical contact….genuine attempts at understanding…..

Clown: He can throw him into the wildest situations and Makoto never holds anything against him, he's used to weirdness Unfortunately Makoto sees him as like, one of those neighborhood kids he gets along with

Ves: NOOO HE WOULD hits him with the Brotherly Hair Ruffle and kokichi has violent flashbacks to his crush on rantarou why does this always happen to him

Sini: Wait……..looks at Makoto and Shuichi……He has a type Kokichi when protag energy Man, he and Shuichi are both losers. Falling for people who are nice to them lol

Clown: Shuichi would probably also have a passing crush on Makoto thinking about it ashsbsks

Ves: SNDJBHFG EXACTLY….(1) ounce of compassion and they're FALLING he spends time around him bc of kyouko and is like Oh………..he's so nice……………

Beez: makoto gets every single person in hpa to fall in love with him speedrun any%

Clown: Okay, gotta saiouify this. Shuichi and his genius detective skills catches wind of Ouma chucking himself out windows anytime Makoto so much as steps into the same room and gets roped into the wildest confession scheme Makotos luck fucks them over so much it's almost impossible, then shuichi starts to catch feelings when Ouma explains why he felt anything in the first place. Shenanigans

Sini: Even Junko loves him Especially Junko, actually

Me: real, for Junko he's basically her irl blorbo, she wants to put him in situations

Clown: Okay, so thinking about how Makoto somehow rizzed his way into having half his class fall in love with him. Kokichi ends up on that list. Makoto in his empathic nature is just, easy to get along with, and more so, even with the more unpleasant people in his class, he considers all of them friends and makes an effort to keep this. Not because he lets himself get walked over, but because he thinks everyone he talks to has a part to them worth knowing. He extends this same thing to Ouma, which leads to the budding of ✨️ a crush ✨️. And Ouma does what he does best and explodes. He's a little weirdo about it, peeking at him from around corners and scrambling away on all fours/j when Makoto approaches him. Maybe during one of his escapades ouma climbs out of a window, scaring shuichi who's out there for whatever reason. Shuichi puts 2 and 2 together and Ouma threatens to end his life in the aftermath. Shuichi, also knowing Makoto, decides to encourage Ouma to confess. Which obviously leads to Ouma roping him into helping him, "Thats a great idea my little helper!" "What." Boom shenanigans. With the bonus of Shuichi getting to see the evasive completely human part of Kokichi. All it takes is Ouma offhandly explaining how Makoto makes him feel like he's worth knowing, and he's smiling genuinely. Then shuichi goes "Uh. Oh."

Sini: YES! I LOVE THIS SM! I can’t help but think Kokichi bumps into Mukuro when he’s spying on Makoto, cause she’s doing the same lol

Hina: Is Shuichi now stuck being his wingman

Clown: Shuichi is being forced to sit on his bedroom floor as he presents plan after plan yes

Beez: shuichi wingmanning for kokichi while having a fat crush on him is always so fucking funny

Sini: He has thoughts about sabotage but could never go through with that. He’s not the greatest jealous type

Hina: Wait What happens if he does confess to Makoto Please say he’s talked to Makoto more than like. Once.

Ves: makoto lets him down gently i imagine or mb just. gets with someone else before kokichi can make his move

Clown: Makotos luck nerfs any planning and he walks off obliviously with shuichi and ouma collapsed on the floor in the background

Sini: Bro gets with Kyoko or Byukuya or both and Kokichi and Mukuro cope together lmao

Beez: i mean if its both kyoko and byakuya whos to say he wont just . add kokichi and mukuro to his harem too

Sini: Mukuro maybe. But Kokichi no chance

Hina: Okay but Beez that just gives me the image of Makoto saying yes to everyone He can’t turn someone down

Me: combine them, it's 37th attempt, finally everything goes according to plan, Makoto says he just started seeing someone yesterday

Hina: No Makoto says yes Me: shut up Hina: WDYM I WAS GONNA MAKE IT BETTWR ITLL BE FUNNY I SWEAR Me: no, go to hell, Shuichi is comforting Kokichi now [this is playful. but, reader, ahead of you are two paths]

Hina: Makoto dates everyone. While secretly trying to match make them with other people. He can’t say no but… he can convince them to break up with him for a better partner

Me: that would be fucked up for him to do tho like, as a person

Hina: We are ignoring the fucked up nature This is for comedy purposes

Me: I can't, it's ooc and messing with everyone's feelings, it's gonna hurt people more than rejection

Hina: (Nah but you seriously don’t have to go with it, I just think it’s funny) Alright fine Makoto can reject him I still want him to play matchmaker though

Me: also, with it already being a polycule, his partners getting with other people would not get Makoto out of the mess he made I mean, I guess some of them wouldn't be okay with poly, like, Byakuya probably draws the line at sharing with Kyoko, he won't compromise with 10 peasants

Hina: It was more him trying to get them to understand that the traits they like about him are things they can find in other people and that a puppy crush on him isn’t going to be the fantasy relationship they’re imagining

Clown: There's also the option of Makoto and shuichi friendship. Where Makoto encourages him to confess and shuichi is wracked with guilt lmao "I'll cheer you on!" Shuichi:[grimacing emoji]

Me: man, I just wanted Shuichi to hold a crying Kokichi, pet his back in soothing motions while holding back his own feelings because it's the wrong moment to bring up why Kokichi is wrong in his dramatic woes about love

Hina: I mean that can happen But does Kokichi know Makoto like. At all?

Ves: theyre casual friends not SUPER close but they know each other!! i don't think kokichi gets crushes on strangers

Me: okay, tbh, I imagined it more as a "Makoto saw him seeming upset once and tried to cheer him up" kind of thing but that came from the fact that when it started you said he had the crush for whole 3 days so I imagined that this scenario was just snowballing from that, keeping it alive because Shuichi encouraged him to pursue it, so he got to notice more things and most likely talked to Makoto more times in the process

Sini: Shuichi unintentionally made it worse for both of them

Hina: Does he actually even like Makoto then?

Me: yeah, he ends up liking him more instead of getting over & it's Shuichi's fault, (or you could say he just has rejection sensitive dysphoria and that's why he gets so crushed) or maybe he's overdoing the dramatics so Shuichi comforts him because he's in too deep he was dragging Shuichi along to all those over the top plans for none of them to work out, he has to seem appropriately upset for the level of effort, even if it was just a little crush, he deserves a hug anyway, lets himself have it he has a back list of things to cry about, great opportunity to catch up

Clown: YESS At some point comes the question. Were his feelings even that serious?? Or did he just get fixated on the planning part? Either way it doesn't feel good to have it all in shambles.

Ves: makoto just can't stop being viewed as a symbol instead of a person huh he's just kokichi's idea of Boy Who Is Nice To Me

[Kai brought up issues with Kokichi crying over a 3-day crush] Me: I mean, after all those plans it was way more than three days, and it is likely he would be exaggerating, not even just in the last option I gave, I just agree that he does play up his negative feelings to distance himself from them

[runningfrom2am]

“You were scared. Of him.” BABY BOY DID YOU EVEN HEAR WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT THE GAMES??

how i love when there’s a letter to feel guilty about, from beyond the grave.

“Or that if you’re out on cold nights when the breeze chills your skin, you’ll think of us.” THERE IT IS!!!

“Alas, that love, so gentle in his view, / Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!” the way that this is their relationship summary-

the fact that he sent the bread and the water only to buy her trust back is very reasonable and therefore disturbing.

SHE WOULD HAVE DIED WITHOUT HIS MOTHER’S SCARF!! she still cries for ruining something coryo gave her even after last night. I AM UNWELL!!

i just know that lucky and dr gaul are both losing it at the back for not having cameras in the vents. they’re very close to the end of the games yet they cannot see what is happening.

even the girl who had planned to stay still and wait for her end resorts to survival when fate knocks on her door and there is too much to lose.

okay we’re gonna rock with the same numbering system for this one bc we have SEVERAL points to go over.

(also i did have to reread it rq before i answered this bc i wrote and edited this like two weeks ago lol)

1. i mean,, at least he’s kinda self aware HAHAHA. actually very SELF aware and not very contextually observant rn. like babe you KNOW how terrified she was already and now the only person in this whole place who she trusts has started swinging too?! ZERO critical thinking skills.

2. yeahhhhh yk i had to do it 🤭 at first when i was writing it i was like “this is way too wordy” but then i was like “raye,,, duh words are her whole thing don’t be dumb” so i let it go on as long as it needed to haha. like i can see it SO vividly like it was probably hard to read i just KNOW she covered that whole sheet in writing without an inch to spare. i also feel like for her it wasn’t enough, but she would never complain or dare ask for another sheet.

3. title drop let’s goooooo (there will be more i think i do this a few times lol)

4. no bc that quote was so perfect i’ve been sitting on it since i started writing this series it’s been rotting in my notes waiting to be used and i just 🥹 of COURSE that’s what she would use as her real confession i’ll actually puke ab it.

as much as he thought the monologue was a confession, it really wasn’t. he heard what he wanted to hear, that she loved him and cared about him. which she does, but her intention was to beg and plead with him to be good and stay that way. she had no receipts besides his namesake and where he lived to base this theory off of, but i think after they discussed the tragedy of coriolanus at length she just wanted to hammer home that he is not what his name would suggest. this letter though was the realest confession she would give, through written word, and i think that’s very real to who she is, especially being so far from home and her family and her safe space.

5. pretending that he wanted her to help jessup was literally all he could do!! to him, what’s the alternative? give her the cold shoulder in the most vulnerable (likely final) days of her life? he couldn’t do that even if he wanted to, i think. i don’t think it successfully buys her trust, but i do think it is so motivational for her to just know that at the very least he is still there.

6. omg yeah me too i am SICK. she’s crying and apologizing knowing damn well he can’t even hear it or see what she’s doing but she feels just awful even though it means she would survive. as if that’s not the whole reason he gave it to her. he gave her the go ahead to use his mothers scarf to kill someone if she had to- and she feels that guilty about using it to save herself?? i’ll puke ab this actually she is so sweet. she cares about him so so deeply and i think a massive part of her fear, that kept her up all night, was that that fact that she loves him cares did not change.

7. yeah they did NOT think that one through and ik it’s just eating dr. gaul ALIVE bro. this could also be the beginning (assuming the games do continue- who knows) of the trackers that monitor heart rates and vitals of tributes.

8. OKAY YES so i’m gonna tie this into point 6 too bc i feel like that’s the manifestation of this internal battle she’s having. if she had originally planned to give up her life at the very beginning, i can so easily see the guilt that she’s feeling over every little thing she’s doing to preserve her own life beyond that point. so not only is she ruining his late mothers beautiful scarf, she’s also betraying herself. the “old her”, if you will. she shouldn’t be alive anyways, she will die soon anyways, so it feels like a waste to ruin this scarf in the process when she likely believes it will be peeled off her dead body regardless. but she still does it.

she told herself that coryo was what changed that plan- that she wanted to win for him, but i don’t even know that that’s fully true. maybe it was about saving herself all along, but she felt too horribly guilty about the circumstances to even admit that to herself. especially now that she’s starting to devolve mentally, she opens the compact knowing that its contents will kill the boys that are after her, but immediately she’s going “oh, it looks like salt” and committing to that narrative so desperately so she can hide from herself that now not only is she ruining the scarf to save herself, that she’s also directly causing fatal harm to others which she has always sworn she would never do.

[strawbrygashez]

Shane Carver Hcs even tho no one cares about the movie other than me 🥲

•Very mentally ill. I feel like he has a long list of mental illnesses but the first ones that comes to mind are bpd and some kinda form of schizophrenia. (I would love to hear anyone else’s opinion on that tho) His intense alcohol & dr*g usage does not help with this in the slightest lol

He also has trauma due to his brother passing and his abusive father. He also has real bad abandonment issues. Forming the cult/black circle boys gave him this HUGE ego boost and a feeling of being wanted. It’s one of the reasons why he’s so intense about people not leaving the group (along side him just wanting to serve Satan as best as he can.. and one of his members leaving is basically saying he failed him so..)

•It’s already canon pretty much but he loves Kyle so fucking much. I think it scares Shane even with how much he loves him. Like once Kyle began to break the cults rules, Shane knew something was definitely ‘wrong’ when he didn’t feel much of anything other than disappointment. Like yeah he did keep saying if he leaves, he was gonna have to die basically but (MAJOR SPOILER): he couldn’t even bring himself to kill him in the end. He was struggling so much over his love for him, his pain of being betrayed, Satan being displeased with him, and trying to tell himself he has to make Kyle follow the ‘brotherhoods rules’ and what ever else which led to Kyle ultimately over powering him.

•Before the actual 100% believing in and worshipping Satan stuff, he genuinely just wanted to be in a cool metal band growing up. Due to his living situation however, he was never able to get a guitar until much later or was never able to take classes for it.

•He hates Kyles girlfriends(?) guts so much. He can’t bring himself to actually do much other than just to yell at her since she isn’t in the cult and he probably didn’t wanna piss Kyle off so early on.

They seemed to be on okay-ish terms until she got all seriously flirty with Kyle. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he banned her from coming to any more of their ‘parties’

•He’s always a little shit but it’s even worse when he’s able to get Kyle to leave his gf behind to hang out with him instead. This loser will literally do this face: 😋 at her before he puts a hand on Kyle’s back as they walk away together. He loves seeing her get pissy over Kyle not leaving him even tho she keeps warning him.

•HE DYES HIS HAIR BLACK EVERYONE!! 🗣️ He would never let Kyle help him dye it until they start dating tho.. he’s too embarrassed to let anyone know his actual hair color.

•He would have only ever genuinely tried to get better if he’d gotten with Kyle. I think Kyle would have made him agree to a couple things before they start dating. Like Shane can’t be unnecessarily cruel to Rory and people who genuinely did nothing to them. (Sometimes he lets it slide if it’s Shane being mean to strangers because eh. It’s Shane and that’s just him but he’s worried about Shane’s safety and just doesn’t see the point in fucking around with innocent people)

Shane obviously wouldn’t be perfect tho.. and wouldn’t try to start seeing a therapist or get on meds until much later on. I think the only thing that would make Shane actually see the point in changing how he is, is if Kyle stayed with him thru all his fuck ups bc that means Kyle does see something in him.. a glimmer of hope. Otherwise Kyle would have gave up real early on.

•Shane has no interest in ladies at all. He only called Kyles gf a ‘babe’ early on because he just wanted to come off as one of the boys 🦅

•I think Shane would have gave Kyle a lot of his old clothes or lets him borrow them. Like I’m sure Kyle had bits and pieces of those goth outfits he wore real early on but I think once Shane saw he was dressing more alternatively, he offered him some old stuff he doesn’t wear anymore. Like probably specifically his old, more masculine clothes.

•If they were dating… bro sneaks into Kyle’s room from that window above his bed almost every night. (Kyle leaves it unlocked specifically for him) Shane especially loves the nights where both of Kyle’s parents are out because he’s able to convince Kyle to turn on some metal as loud as his cd player can go and mosh around his bedroom with him.

When they aren’t in the mood to do all that, and maybe Kyle just needs a place to chill or calm down, Shane will just lay next to Kyle on his bed and not talk.. he likes those peaceful moments where Kyle is spooning him or playing with his hair while he’s zoned out more than he will admit..

•If he gave a shit about people knowing he’s gay (I can’t decide if either of them would care or not) I wanna see Rory accidentally walk in on the two kissing or something and be like “Oh! People were right about you two :3 it’s okay! I support! My cousin on my moms side has two dads-” and Shane just cuts him off by telling him if he says anything about what he just saw, he’s getting kicked out of the cult 💀 He’d also be pissed if he heard ppl spreading a rumor about them being together too… BUT I do like the idea that neither of them would care. They have each other so it doesn’t matter.

•CRINGE WARNING. One of their teachers calls Shane, Froggie (I’m pretty sure at least. I had no subtitles but it makes sense if u have seen the movie 🥲) AND I LOVE THINKING ABOUT Kyle calling him that to mess with him. Shane is already mad his name isn’t some edgy ass demon name so Froggie pisses him off…..Not really. He likes it only from Kyle.

•If Kyle would let him, he’d definitely paint his nails for him. Shane’s heart is beating out of his chest bc he’s holding Kyles hand but he’ll act ‘cool’ as usual

•He loves watching Kyle swim. He has to keep telling him to join the schools swim team tho because he knows it will piss Kyle off. It’s worth getting splashed & his makeup messing up to see Kyle reaction.

•I think Kyle’s mom would like Shane tbh.. if he acted how he does when it’s just him and Kyle anyways. I can see him being really polite to her. It takes everything in him not to attack Kyle’s dad tho. Like he’s heard how Kyle doesn’t like him much already but when he sees and hears how he treats him while he’s over even.. he’s gripping the knife they gave him at the dinner table so hard.

Oh yeah Kyle hates Shane’s dad too!!!

•K + S, in a heart shape, is carved into one of the trees at the cults meet up spot.

•While I’m not sure if I hc Shane having ocd.. he can get kinda real serious about other people not messing up his stuff & he tried to land the dates for cult meetings on specific days, at specific times for one specific reason or another.

•Shane’s ‘inspo’ for the cults symbol was that he already had that carved into his shoulder before he even started the cult. He gave it to himself with a razor during an episode. And since he has abandonment issues, he thought what better way to always be connected to someone than a matching scar in the same exact place.

[halfnemu]

This'll probably go unnoticed but I realized I didn't properly introduce my MC Kiana and I wanted to change that. I've been drawing BC fanart for over a year but I didn't post anything at the time because I didn't like my art then, I thought it looked weird...and embarrassing >_<

CHARACTER INFO BELOW(I don't have Toyhouse lol)

Name: Kiana Sinclair

Color: Noir

Age: 26

Birthday: December 22nd, 1997

Height: 160

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Demiromantic/sexual

Horoscope: Capricorn

Chinese Zodiac: Rooster

Personality: quiet, anxious, can snap sometimes, kind. Dandere.

Ability: Blood(can heal her wounds, or create things with her blood. Manipulating anyone else’s blood is exhausting and she doesn’t like causing other Huevari pain.) Semi-immortality.

Likes: Reading, making art, gaming, her friends, sweets, being alone, her family(only her mom and brother)

Dislikes: being made fun of ,herself(sometimes), loud noises, crowded spaces, anyone making fun of her height, and getting hurt.

Work: grocery store worker

Voice: Chiaki Nanami(Danganronpa)

Favorite animal: Cats

Favorite Food and Drink: strawberries(she doesn’t really have a favorite food per se but she’s picky on some things), white grape juice

Backstory: Kiana is quiet and prefers introverted activities or spending time with her friends. When she was a child her father cheated on her mother and had a whole other family on the side, causing her and her brother to be raised without a father figure. Her remaining family members were distant, only all coming together when there was a funeral. When she was younger she was severely bullied for being quiet and different, she ended up snapping one day at her bullies, which didn’t end well. Her only friend then was Fuyumi at the time and later on Xavier. She started taking online school for the remaining years and could not see them often.

After graduating, she and her friends wanted to start a band, but it failed for personal reasons among the group, and it caused them to separate. She wanted to get a fresh start and not be haunted by her past memories, so she moved to a new city to begin a new life.

Extra:

Her favorite dessert is brownies because her mother likes to make them for her.

She knows how to cook and bake; if she isn’t too tired, she would do that instead of takeout.

She, Xavier, and Fuyumi still communicate, it was a coincidence they moved to the same city.

Though she’s still depressed, she considers herself in a better mental state than when she was a kid.

How she feels about her co-worker, Rasmus, is complicated. She doesn’t really like him that much and wishes he’d take his frustration out on someone else. She also feels unsafe around him but she also wants to know more about him and is scared to make the effort.

She and her friends recently started having daily group chat meetings with each other. Sometimes they play video games with each other and stream them.

Even though Khalil is her older brother, she took up the mantle of an older sibling ever since they were kids because of his sickness which affected his mental state.

She can’t really stand up for herself most of the time and holds in her emotions but eventually, she’s going to snap.

Using her blood manipulation will exhaust her depending on the amount she uses. she can regenerate it at will by sleeping but she even then she doesn’t like using her blood that way due to her hating pain.

She hates arguments and is the first to apologize because of her guilt, even if she wasn’t the one in the wrong.

She likes wearing dresses and skirts, especially during the summer.

Her hair spikes or curls when she's stressed.

[brandonaguja]

may I hear you speak about your ii oj alters hc?

I’m sorry it’s been 40 days and I’m only now getting to this !

Orange Soda (bro/he/any): I hc him to be the host before OJ, he was kinda like a frat bro but similar to oj in his interests in science and being a nerd. He just had sunglasses while doing it so he was cool. Crash and burned in college and ended up going dormant with OJ switching in as host and eventually dropping out 👍 will front again after years of OJ running the hotel and will be the catalyst for OJ finding he’s a system. Lol. He also really really reaaaally wanted to be a drag king but OJ took host before he could persue it. Does make it so OJ is already interested in drag.

Cherry Juice (they/them): angry alter. Can’t talk unless someone is in front with them but even think it becomes very difficult for the body to speak. Handles all the anger and kinda keeps it all from exploding on other people hence them being unable to speak. When in front or near front OJ will become frustrated very easily though and isolate since Cherry doesn’t really like others anyways. Has the same grudges OJ does and more intense. Isn’t a caretaker but spends time with Apple Juice bc she’s sweet. Would get along with Evil Paper.

Blood Orange (he/vamp): funniest fucking alter in there. He’s a vampire and split to deal with the insomnia in the body. He split on Halloween and it’s never been the same since at night time because if OJ keeps pushing through exhaustion Blood Orange fronts. Work gets done. Sometimes.

Apple Juice (she/her): she’s a little! She age slides from around 4-7. She’s a very smart kid and she’s a memory holder. She’s so full of whimsy and loves to learn things. OJ’s natural curiosity :) fronts when OJ is really stressed and age regresses. Doesn’t hold grudges like OJ does.

Pineapple Juice (no prns or any): was co-hosting with OJ right before OJ dropped out of college and was/is a persecutor. Is based off Steve Cobs (ugh) and basically just Really wanted them to succeed in life. To a fault. Was on that grind set and would belittle OJ and themself so is partially the reason that OJ didn’t keep any friendships that Orange Soda had. Kinda became a fragment/fused with OJ after OJ dropped out. But still stuck around enough to tell him he’s a failure for dropping out and going no where in life until OJ entered II. So OJ’s unhealthy work life balance is influenced by PJ 👍YAYY! PJ has mellowed out now though. She’s a caretaker to Apple Juice and is only nice to Apple Juice and no one else but that’s Something. Better than nothing.

Pink Lemonade (she/her): she handles a lot of the romantic feelings OJ has and most crushes OJ has does stem from her initially. Once she starts separating with OJ their feelings both separate so she’s able to have feelings and crushes on her own. She also indulges in femininity in ways that OJ is too scared to do outside of drag and probably very much enjoys drag and was an influencer for OJ getting back into it, tho as a queen instead of a king like Orange Soda wanted. Doesn’t do drag herself tho just likes influencing OJ to indulge in femininity like she does. Also she’s a lesbian 💖

[fuckmeyer]

This is gonna be LONG but I stalk ur blog now. I’ve read ur tags, and I’ve come back for more, Maria discussions, Maria headcanons, and Maria love… Jasper can come along too ig, only because he worshiped the ground she walked on. (His words not mine lol.) Anyways, it’s loving Maria hourz.

I wanna talk about the strikethrough because YES! Maria totally didn’t expect to develop feelings for Jasper down the line but she did. They ARE lovers! I don’t give a damn what Meyer says! I don’t care about all the “Mate” stuff because none of that holds up when you really look at what we are shown instead of told. Their actions portray that of two people who have love for each other and it’s so ridiculous to me that some ppl try so hard to deny that when it’s obvious. It’s honestly so much more realistic and interesting to have them be lovers, and damn what the deniers say! They’re just mad and uncomfortable bc they think Maria will be a threat to their ship but she’s just existing and minding her business lol. Maria deserves to have love and be loved. Latinas in general deserve to be love interests and not just “evil brown seductress”. *eye roll*.

They’re obviously into each other. It’s the only thing that explains their weakness for each other. They’re both known as people who are willing to kill anything that threatens them… except for each other lol.

They spent a few years paranoid around each other knowing they were “planning” to kill, and both parties could have easily done so… they never did the deed and now I lowkey believe they weren’t even that serious about it lol, they were both on edge and probably just trying to scare each other away bc they’re dumb and can’t handle their feelings.

Ppl claim Jasper left so quickly when Peter and Charlotte came back for him bc he was just so miserable and all that, but I think another reason Jasper left so quickly is because he really didn’t want to have to face the possibility of killing Maria and/or he simply couldn’t handle this new sour relationship with her when it was never like that between them before. They were each others closest companion. She’s the reason he stayed so long because he loved her, and being around her… her confidence, ambition, brightness, genius, vibes, and mind-blowing sex was his getaway from everything else and was his only source of goodness when they were both surrounded by war and destruction.

I highly doubt he would have stayed so long if Maria was just so mean, bitterly angry, disrespectful, and violent towards him the way some ppl try to characterize her. To me, logically speaking, Maria is and would have to be hella charming, charismatic, bubbly, hospitable/warm in a scarily insane way for her to have so many followers who are not only afraid of her but are also blindly devoted to her, especially when one of them is an emotion detecting/manipulating empath. If she’s this hugely manipulative person as they say why would she be ruthlessly angry and bitter towards everyone?? Why would anyone follow her?? She wouldn’t have been as successful with & without Jasper if she was just stone cold evil all the time. I think she breathes life into everything she does (even war and destruction lol) because that’s just who she is.

We later find out that Jasper was actually Relieved that he didn’t have to kill her. Imagine that lol. Peter suggested they go back and do so… Jasper said No. He just didn’t want revenge against her and vampires are like, known for revenge in their universe. Like what’s the explanation for Jasper:

1. Being so willing to protect Maria, even from himself.

2. Being relieved he didn’t have to kill her.

3. Rejecting his friend Peter’s suggestion to go back and kill her.

4. STILL not killing her later when she found him in Calgary and ultimately “forced” them to move (still don’t know how), theoretically putting his new family and Alice in danger… He was ready to kill Bella for the slightest hint of danger that she brought, but Maria??? No, she must be spared, she’s just a baby lol.

5. Still being kind/thoughtful enough to wish her well, even telling his friend Peter to relay that message to her if he sees her because it’s THAT important apparently and not just a passing thought to keep to himself…

A lot of ppl like to say Jasper was “saved from Maria”. But not only was Peter okay with Jasper’s rejection to killing her, he was also okay with him asking to tell her he wishes her well, even when they both knew how unlikely it was they’ll run into her. If Peter saved Jasper from Maria why are they so chill with her now? Why not actually go seek revenge? Peter saved Jasper from War and Destruction. Not Maria. Because Maria wasn’t really the core problem like some ppl make her out to be. It was their surroundings.

She’s lowkey still considered a friend. Jasper is so okay with her existence that he’s even thinking of seeing her again to ask for help. Like he’s such a big ass softie for her, even in times when you’d think he wouldn’t be and she’s not his lover??? Make it make sense please!!! Like I said, no man is doing ALL THAT for a woman he doesn’t love. If going to literal war for a woman for nearly a century isn’t enough evidence then this should be… That man loved her (and probably still does) and whoever disagrees is blind.

More: Ppl seem to believe that Maria didn’t care at all about Jasper and had no romantic feelings for him but she literally treats Jasper with the same caution and softness that he does. They’re BOTH weird asf when it comes to each other.

Maria is seen as this ruthless, unfeeling demon… but she had a whole family and a lover before, so obviously that means she’s capable of feeling love and she’s also loveable. Allegedly she’s an evil person who doesn’t care about anyone and will hunt you down and yet, not only did she let Peter and Charlotte go. She let Jasper go too. She put Jasper in charge and trusted him with things I’m sure she used to handle herself.

When Lucy & Nettie betrayed her, I think she became closer to Jasper considering he was the one who warned her and they took them out together. They protected each other on and off the battlefield. When their relationship soured she still couldn’t kill him even tho it was her army, she trained him, and it could have been done without much effort on her part… now if she was this evil unfeeling devil, she would have. But she didn’t. She’s a ruthless warlord who has killed for less, she didn’t trust him at the time and she believed that he was thinking of betrayal like Nettie & Lucy so she had a STRONG motive to get rid of him, and she just waits for a couple of years with only a hanging threat of killing him??? She didn’t really want to kill him and it shows. She didn’t wait that long to kill Lucy & Nettie lol. If she truly didn’t care about him she would have easily and quickly gotten rid of him at the first thought of betrayal. She wouldn’t have waited those few years and if he did manage to escape. She would have found him much sooner and killed him.

Speaking of finding him, why did she even care enough to look him up years later, and decide to visit anyway? (For the record: I don’t believe Maria initially came to kill or cause trouble bc why would she? If that’s the case she wouldn’t have come alone for a whole coven of vamps. She’s too smart and good at survival for that) If Maria is this uncaring person, why would she care enough about someone that is supposedly “disposable” to her??? Probably because he meant more to her than she’d care to admit. I can only imagine/headcanon how badly she was AT WAR with herself over that too. Especially considering how she previously lost her “mate”. I have so many headcanons about how she handled her feelings for Jasper when she finally realized and bbygirl was going thru it! Lol.

Because lbr, she may not have had strong feelings for him in the beginning but she definitely developed feelings for him after all that they went through together. That’s literally the only explanation for her actions with him. We are told she’s more ruthless/dangerous than Jasper yet she’s literally let him get away with so much and still thinks about him and she’s CONFLICTED about it! Which is gonna be yet ANOTHER conversation that I’m totally gonna return to your inbox for lol. I love angst, love, and complicated things between these dumbasses who clearly have unresolved feelings for each other. They are SO interesting and their story is so powerful. Like imagine what JasperxMariaxTherapy would look like. 😭

TLDR: Maria was the one that got away and Jasper is not over her.

👏Latinas in general deserve to be love interests and not just “evil brown seductresses.”👏

María & Jasper were mates! to quote a wise bestie (i.e. you):

no man is doing ALL THAT for a woman he doesn’t love. If going to literal war for a woman for nearly a century isn’t enough evidence then this should be…

to me the whole "lost her mate" & the "never treated him as an equal or thought of him as her mate" biz was thrown into the guide just to make her look like a non-option for Jasper. canon paints a different picture. vampires mate for life, but nowhere does it say they can only have one mate. you never "get over" your mate... but you can always make room in your heart for more love. (RIP Marcus but girl you gotta get outta the house). & that's what María did without realizing it! girl is so traumatized & focused on war, she probs fell in love & didn't even notice. then when she did she got scared of her feelings & tried to run lmao stupid baby i love her sm

The Saga of María & The Major

if i had to guess the progression of their relationship (PASS ME THE MIC LMAO) i'd say it went roughly like:

María turns Jasper

he impresses her w/ his gift & his military expertise. he wins. they celebrate. she rewards him with responsibility. he loves that he's serving a purpose & loves feeling needed. she loves that he makes her feel accomplished & in control

more wins. more victories. he's her major. she's his queen. they're in love with victory & bloodshed & war. they're toxic, they're powerful, they're young gods, they're partners. always late-night strategy seshs & early-morning briefings. always on the same page in combat. they break off & do solo missions together. they only hunt with each other. this is a v normal relationship

they get to know each other (of COURSE María is warm & bubbly & charming; she may be a warlord but she's a leader first) & find out they had similar thoughts & values in life. they hated the upheaval of their lives caused by invaders (ok Jasper), they hated feeling like losers in war, they are very driven & goal-oriented. flirting is involved?? wow, is this friendship??? (no, this is patrick)

there's a romantic spark. Jasper feels it. he knows she feels it but wonders if she knows it ykwim? it feels amazing but he keeps it to himself. then one night (late night hehe) María accuses him of using his gift to make her attracted to him. oop. girl OUTS HERSELF as having a crush on Jasper &, even after he insists he never used his gift to make her feel things (true), GETS MAD at herself for having feelings & kicks him out. goodbye loser. except...

she hates having a crush! she cannot stop thinking about him & he knows it! she feels like she's replacing her mate! she can't concentrate around him! he's her major & it's inappropriate! he can taste her attraction all the time! why is he the only one who gets to taste! she wants to taste him!

THEY FUCK

also they kiss

a lot

they sneak around & keep things buttoned up on the battlefield. HOT. we love a forbidden romance

María gets scared of the intimacy bc she's María (feelings? no entiendo). which is around when she finds out what the Civil War was really about. ew. he's basically a colonizer. she thought they had similar experience vis-a-vis war but he's a colonizer? ew.

she's disgusted. she feels like a fool. she's angry at herself for still having feelings for him. she feels oddly like a hypocrite considering she purges all these newborns. she maintains a professional relationship. cold. distant. he hates it. he reaches out. several times. says he wants to understand. ok

[you want to understand? here's all this rage & pain & grief over what the white men did to me & what Benito stole from me & this is how i felt when i was displaced from my home & my family whom i loved more than a lot of things & people who are NOT YOU; keep telling yourself we're "so similar" bc you lost your "way of life" & bc you also had to witness the deaths of your friends & family whom you loved more than...other people you may (have) love(d). p.s. fuck you (metaphorically) p.p.s. next time it's on sight.] she's a professional & he will never understand. get back to work. GOODBYE LOSER x2

except... she depends on him too much. vice-versa. they're partners. they're toxic. they can't untangle. the war effort suffers. he's desperate to win her back. things are weird.

then one day he finds out Nettie & Lucy plan to kill her. fuck. now she needs to kill her covenmates. too old for the bullshit. Jasper offers to help. she takes it. grudgingly. she's DISTRAUGHT but so traumatized she's doing what she does best & closing herself off from the pain.

except Jasper knows better. after the deed is done & she retires to her chambers he goes in with her. & as soon as he starts prodding she cracks & unleashes all this pent up emotion. this is a whole different María. Jasper has never felt such deep emotion ever. or so many emotions at once. how does so much emotion fit into such a smol lady??? science is still uncovering the phenomenon

& underneath all that pain & anguish & exhaustion & fear & hate & disgust, Jasper feels love. raw, aching love. for her family. for her past. for her country. for her life. for him. he will drown in her before morning. sometimes you just gotta hold a girl & cry with her

OHP THEY FUCK PT. 2 ELECTRIC FUCKAROO

WOW actually openly being in love engaging with your emotions is kinda rad (& scary). María can really reflect on her life & herself. like maybe this war isn't the end all be all? maybe there's more to this life than revenge? maybe for the first time she can see her future on the horizon? maybe saving Mexico is futile bc war is never-ending, & maybe if she didn't spend all this energy killing she could spend more energy loving...

& maybe Jasper feels that way too. maybe that's why he's depressed. maybe he's just as tired as she is. maybe he's losing his mind over all this death. maybe he feels trapped. maybe he resents her. maybe he hates her. maybe he's plotting to kill her. maybe she should kill him before he kills her because even if he didn't kill her he would definitely kill her just by killing her because she loves likes loves him & she can't let him go even though he wants her to which is why he's going to—

oh.

jasper left.

she won't need to kill him after all. jasper left. he didn't want to kill her. he just wanted to leave her. alone. so he left.

jasper is gone.

...oh.

***

The Calgary Incident

Speaking of finding him, why did she care enough to look him up years later, and decide to visit anyway? (For the record: I don’t believe Maria initially came to kill or cause trouble bc why would she? If that’s the case she wouldn’t have come alone for a whole coven of vamps. She’s too smart and good at survival for that)

first: let's acknowledge the fact that the Cullens weren't able to detect María until the last second & that a coven of seven with THREE (3) gifted vampires was too scared to take on one (1) María. QUEEN

second: María DEF wasn't there to harm them bc 1) wtf does María care about Canadian territory? 2) if the Cullens were her enemies they would already be dead.

she's there for Jasper. probably not to ask him for advice/help. she got by fine without him. María being María she's also not going to come to him like "i'm still in love with you."

that said, she IS a ride or die. if she thought Jasper was in exceptional danger she would warn him. the Volturi likely have their eye on María & (for other reasons) the Cullens, & she got wind of it. she was looking out for him, & maybe even hoping for better diplomatic relations Just In Case. even if the Cullens naïvely believed their happy little (powerful) family wasn't being watched, María knows better. she's careful, calculated, & she knows the Volturi will make trouble for the Cullens (& by extension her) in the future.

Jasper is also a ride or die. & him telling her to "keep her distance" is to protect HER. not him. not Alice. not the Cullens. bc he knows "keep your distance" as a threat/warning is pointless. girl will do whatever the hell she wants. but he also knows she put herself in a vulnerable position to find them. he knows if the Volturi weren't watching her then, they certainly are now that she has visited the up-and-coming Cullen coven. "keep your distance" is akin to him saying "take care of yourself."

this, & "tell her i wish her well," is the closest they will get to saying "i still love you."

but they don't have to say it. they already know.

[berryunho]

on seonghwa

this is just 800 words of me rambling about seonghwa (and a little hongjoong) in the answer so feel free to ignore or read for a glimpse into his noggin but there are... minor ??? spoilers lol i don't really think they're spoilers which is why im fine sharing them but ANYWAYS yeah beware ig ...

and shoutout bffie @mintsang this is for you don't yell at me when you read it <333333

ANYWAYS:

listen. seonghwa is so devoted to hongjoong because he feels responsible for him. when they first met seonghwa thought hongjoong was just some poor kid being beat by his parents and he decided that he would make sure that hongjoong didn’t die or go to jail or flunk out of school as long as they were friends. and at first of course hongjoong was quite… tame… w his personality shall we say so seonghwa really had no idea what the fuck he was getting into w him. and anyways by the time he put two and two together and realized that, ‘oh, maybe hongjoong is the problem!’ it was waaaayyyyy too late. like… he feels almost responsible for everything getting out of hand bc he definitely could’ve stopped him at some point but didn’t because he couldn’t bear hongjoong telling him to go or not wanting him at his side anymore so he just kept his mouth shut even as things got worse and worse. 

like seonghwa was a very normal and rational person before hongjoong got his talons into him. and this still haunts him. seonghwa really does mourn the loss of his innocence but… at the same time… he wouldn’t go back to change anything if he could. because he loves hongjoong. even knowing that hongjoong has only ever used him for his own gain and even knowing that hongjoong is like a textbook abuser he can’t make himself regret anything that he’s ever done for him. because he will always remember what it felt like to be that 14 year old boy watching his friend be rejected by everyone else and the feeling that he was the only one that could care enough to stay w him. and seonghwa knows its stupid but he’s scared that one day everything will fall apart for hongjoong and if he’s not there for it hongjoong simply won’t survive. 

so even though he knows hongjoong only wants him for selfish reasons he’s okay w that so long as hongjoong wants him somehow. and this is where our dear mc comes in. on one hand seonghwa is obviously jealous that hongjoong suddenly has someone else to give his freaky ass microscopic focus to. and on the other he’s pissed that she won’t just give hongjoong want he wants (even if what hongjoong wants is the opposite of what he wants). and on the other he’s scared FOR her bc no matter how strong she seems he’s sure that she’ll break to him eventually and seonghwa really doesn’t want to see what happened to himself happen again in another person. and on the other (4 hands is the normal amount idk what you’re talking about) he’s confusingly into her and he can’t understand why or how but he suspects its the fact that she’s also being subjected to the same. essentially torture. that is hongjoong’s desire/manipulation/whatever and he feels oddly connected to her…

so i wouldn’t say seonghwa hates mc nor does he really care about her he just is very conflicted about her and doesn’t know whether to be cold for his own sake or if he should be trying to get closer w her because this is really his first opportunity to have someone that understands hongjoong with him.

and anyways yeah even if seonghwa wanted to leave (he doesn’t) he wouldn’t because he feels responsible for hongjoong’s wellbeing (even though he knows this is foolish). and yeah maybe this is a bombshell or whatever but seonghwa couldn’t care less about the cult shit he’s just happy that hongjoong is happy and safe and not out in the real world wreaking havoc where he could get his ass caught a million times faster. so seonghwa deals with it to keep the situation somewhat under control for hongjoong’s sake. and while he’s not a fan of the crimes and the murder he also doesn’t particularly care either because he would do anything to keep hongjoong safe and he already thinks of himself as a lost cause anyhow. 

and this might be bold but here’s a little something on hongjoong too. hongjoong… is attached to seonghwa shall we say. like he never meant to be and he hates that he cares even a little bit so he keeps that shit on LOCK. as we’ve discussed he doesn’t love seonghwa bc he straight up cannot but if seonghwa decided to pack his shit and leave hongjoong WOULD be affected and he’d try to stop him duh but would he actually be able to kill him. probably not. so ANYWAYS hongjoong is a freak about mc for so many reasons but part of it is that he’s horrified (more so pissed) by the fact that he suddenly cares about someone and is desperate to prove to himself that he can control someone at a personal level without getting attached to them. which. we’ll see. LOL

SO YEAH THAT’S SEONGHWA! i could probably write an entire ass prequel about hongjoong and seonghwa and damn maybe i will but lol a lot of this will be clarified/expanded on in interims in the future but i litcherally cannot stop thinking about this rn so TAKE IT !!

[somewhereinthepines]

i was wondering what do you think about the possibility of charlie and du'met working together? they did tease about it after all!

(warning: possible spoilers for the game) 

well, to address this, i think, that i fist kinda have to bring up some interesting canon details here, such as that charlie was prob supposed to get abducted before the dinner. like. we saw du'met looming behind his back, when erin was away and charlie was too busy being bitchy about his smokes getting stuck inside the machine to notice, that he was no longer alone. without context, that scene was a bit strange. bc why would du'met even bother to show up, if he wasn't about to do anything? the camera zoom on charlie's back, low-key suggested, that du'met was about to touch/grab him, but had to retreat, once he heard erin coming back. she had managed to cockblock scare him away. 

but now ah, what would have happened, if du'met did snatched charlie away in time? it would have looked like not only du'met (morello) hadn't shown up to dinner, but charlie too. the rest of the crew would probably be like hm, that's odd :/ and it would progress from there. like, erin hearing the fake message, or her dying later and writting that 'it's charlie'. after that, everyone would have been all like fuck charlie is in on this. what a bitch. and the thing is that it's seems to be fairly easy for them to buy this theory too. which says smth about charlie, but more about how the others see/view him. i mean, jamie can call him a sociopath earlier in the game, which isn’t fully undeserved tbh. charlie does show some latent symptoms of it. and then,

even mark says this. mark, who is supposedly the closest thing, that charlie has to a friend. but even he's all like well, charlie kinda doesn't have super strong moral compass, but he's not a murder. and it's as good of an argument as any, but then again, if charlie was working with du'met, he doesn't necessarily has to kill anyone directly. he can just be there to 'record' the events. i know what mark meant by that, but while charlie might not bring himself to kill someone directly, who said, that he can’t get someone else to do it for him? 

besides,

charlie is clearly into that kind of men lol. disturbing behavior doesn't seem to turn/warn him off. as well, as the fact, that no one knew how du'met had any leak about what topic their future ep should be about. it's easy to imagine the crew deciding, that charlie had found means to contact him about it by himself, and that he wanted to make a deal to save his show. to get famous. the very fact, that they can even as much as CONSIDER this as truth, welp...it means, that charlie doesn’t strike them as the most stable person. and that perhaps, there was a reason or a few, why they find it possible for him to get into bed with an actual serial killer this time.

tho, this is where the canon wise, it would have got interesting. since as we know, charlie clearly wasn’t involved in this. he just helped du’met to get his crew on the island, but with no ill-intent in mind. yet, du’met seem to view it differently. so much so, that 

in one of charlie’s possible death scenes, he got as far as to do that. and it’s so oddly personal. he marks charlie as his complicit. but why didn’t morello for example get a similar treatment? from what we know, morello also played in du’met’s hand. he also dragged him family there, despite his wife being creeped out by the place. so in a way, he’s a complicit to du’met’s crime as well. esp later on. but it seems, like du’met simply slashed his throat open. no showing skin. no word carved into his chest. so honestly, why du’met was so strangely obsessed with this specific idea, a fantasy plot almost, that he wanted for the team to think, that charlie was on his side, the whole time? was it just to mess with them? but if so, why this? why put SO much work into smth, that might not even reach the culmination, if he’d manage to kill most of the crew members toward the end? is this some sort of showing their (du’met’s & charlie’s) kinship? or is this an actual pang of possivness, maybe? 

i mean, i know that i have a shipping agenda here, but du’met’s interest in charlie is objectively intriguing. he did so many disturbing & twisted things just for this man, that it almost feels like a tribute to ‘this could have been us, but you’ meme. esp bc as far as canon goes, it does feel like du’met was throwing, that wrench of ‘charlie is my crime partner’ just due to his own personal desire. like he wanted to roleplay such a scenario or smth. it’s his castle after all. he can do whatever he’s wanna. but mmm, if he’d abducted charlie earlier in the game, i wonder, if it would have been done just to keep him inside the cell the whole time. and then, maybe force him to take morello’s place? bc i mean, charlie would have done it, even without hostages. he would have agreed to do it a few times in the row, just to keep himself alive. this one, i don’t really have much doubt on.

in a way, it might be a bit of a karma, that everyone would think the worst about charlie. but if your co-workers assume, that you might help a serial killer, mmm, i wonder if you need to either reflect on your attitude or get a new co-workers lol. one of the two. bc i mean, imagine having the worst day in your entire life, only for a dude, who you’ve been maybe/sort of friends with, to ask you,

*insert a meme oof sound here* 

anyhow, back to an actual question about charlie possibly working with du’met. well, i find it intriguing to think about. esp if charlie had a morbid interest in such things, and then, he happened to actually met a person, who kills other people for real. and who is somewhat friendly toward him, for whatever reason. du’met seemed to be lurking on some shabby website about the serial killers or smth, so charlie could most likely met him there. on a dark web, and they just found how they can possibly help one another. charlie would get a documentary, that would outstand any other one, and du’met will get more victims. it’s such an easy win/win. it also would make it somehow more sinister, if du’met agreed to carry out all of the murders alone, and charlie could just idk, sit there and look pretty lol. indirect killing of your ‘friends’ ohh, how morbid, mister lonnit! asking du’met to kill your crew in such breathless tone too...oh, so naughty!! but for real du’met made that fake tape sound so low-key sexy for no reason at all 

in conclusion, they could have been a murder husbands, but the supermassive can only tease with these things. though, personally, i’m glad that they haven’t went there in canon. it leaves a lot place for ‘improvement’, and actually figuring out a way, where charlie might come to see things from du’met’s side. charlie has a good probility to be a con-man tbh. he was already commiting little crimes in the begining of the game as well as not understanding things like personal bondaries and such. so why not let him take it a step further, even if in a theory? it took hector munday to met just one ‘wrong’ person to finally snap. can’t see, why this can’t be the same for charlie, y’know? 

[robo-dino-puppy]

my thoughts on burning shores if anyone was interested (spoilers obvs, also loooooong, so long and rambling, don’t feel like you need to read it lol):

first of all - that final fight with the horus was EPIC. i LOVED the multiple sections that basically take you through all the game mechanics - stealth, ranged, climbing, swimming, platforming - all just really cool. SO AMAZING and FUCKING CREEPY to see a horus crawling/walking around. also props to sam witwer to being a great over-the-top villian lol. the final fight with londra in the head section felt a bit cramped and it took me a few cycles to understand what to do (like it took me too long to realize i could shoot the mines yikes i’m dumb) but once i did i liked the design of it. (although i felt aloy should have been more terrified of the horus waking up? she and seyka seemed pretty chill and jokey throughout the whole thing considering the situation - i feel like she should have been more scared, at least at first?)

second of all, little complaint - the sounds of the waterwing are EXCRUCIATING to me. really, honestly awful. well not from a sound design perspective, they're fine as... sounds... just not sounds i have to listen to frequently. but i'm very sensitive to noise and i have misophonia, so... maybe that's why. i wish it would just stop making noises. so many noises. all the time. in my mind steve (my sunwing) flew off to hang out with some burning shores sunwings and the moment i go back to a sunwing site i will recognize him and override him again and then we will go back to adventuring together and i will abandon the waterwing unless i need one again. also they added a noise to the barrel roll on the sunwing and that is not cool, don't like, i would like steve to be quiet(er) again pls.

third, an issue - i can't complete cauldron theta because every time i kill the bilegut my game crashes. TT-TT i go through the whole fight, aloy says "it's done!" and the game closes and i get an error. i have fought that bastard three times now and i WILL NOT be doing it again until i have reason to believe it’s fixed lol. the rest of the cauldron was pretty cool tho!

other things:

GILDUN! OMG. i loved that whole quest. i felt bad but i listened to all his commentary behind the door before opening it :D i also felt bad because he's so friendly and optimistic and his delving partner was a jerk, and while i didn't want to lie to him i chose the heart option for aloy's response, and i don't think i could choose the others. and he gets a focus and a hug! AHHHHHH it was great. you’re our friend gildun! (i did get him talking on aloy's focus once when i went back to the main game, so i wonder if there will be random comments like that sometimes? v cool)

NORA LOOKOUT ARMOR! holy crap i forgive them for not giving us the banuk sickness eater bc i did not expect to get the lookout. AMAZING. i will have to do a run with her wearing the lookout the whole time. the quen armors are pretty great too (and lots of dyes, but still only four dyes for the oseram armors? like, why? why didn't the oseram armor get the ng+ dye? WHY GUERRILLA)

ZENITH WEAPON! i was ambivalent about this idea before bc i wasn't sure how zenith weapons would work with the others we have, but i honestly love it. i also like the little clinky noise it makes when she puts it on/stows it :D some of the new weapons (like the shredder) in hfw felt kind of ratchet-and-clank-y, which i loved bc i *adored* r&c growing up. the zenith gauntlet also feels a bit like r&c and i’m digging it. now aloy just needs a topiary sprinkler lolololol (just kidding).

ZENITH FACEPAINTS! ok i would not wear these full time but they are honestly beautiful with the gold. also didn't expect these. and some new quen ones and the new valor surge one and the pangaea one. (are there more? i haven’t finished the delver’s trinkets or the aerial vantage points) i have my work cut out for me for my facepaint series!

i'm... not sure how i feel about aloy and seyka. as an ace girl who was hoping (however foolishly and vainly) for at least the choice of ace girl rep in aloy, it didn’t hit for me the way i’m sure they wanted it to. (i realize she still could be ace, just not aro, but to me it didn’t feel like they were telling an ace story, if that makes sense.) and i like seyka but she wasn't as immediately endearing to me as many of the other side characters - altho maybe my opinion will change on a second playthrough.

but i *am* glad that aloy is 1) letting herself be emotional/vulnerable around others 2) is more relaxed and happy after hfw’s whole story and 3) actually voiced aloud how her early life as an outcast impacted her ability to form friendships. (or wait... was that only in the brain flashpoint dialogue, which is the one i picked? idk) so anyway not mad about it even if i wasn’t really feeling it, and i’m happy for the ppl who wanted aloy to be canonically into the ladies. (which imo it always seemed like she was)

the map is beautiful and the clouds are too. the sky in the new map omg!!! the color of the sky/clouds is definitely unique from any of the other areas. it does feel a biiiiiit too bright in places tho. several times the environment or aloy was completely blown out, highlights-wise. i didn’t change any settings on my game or tv from before, so i don’t feel like it’s on my end, but maybe i need to check.

speaking of sky have you flown up into the cloud layer? like it's a small thing i guess but it is BEAUTIFUL, it literally looks like one of the luminist paintings they said they were inspired by, but it's 3d. so, so pretty.

i did feel it was a bit short/fast especially compared to how the frozen wilds felt, but i may have just rushed it bc i was able to sit down and binge and i wanted to avoid spoilers.

why no tallneck? :( the frozen wilds tallneck was so great...

the jurassic park references made me laugh :D

the whole thing londra was doing to the quen, and the conversation with nova, was extra gross and creepy. also i thought we'd get nova as an AI ally like CYAN but oh well.

again the horus fight was amazing 10/10 boss fight v cool. the only thing i would have added was somehow shooting from the waterwing before gliding down to the ground. with two riders one can shoot and one can steer right?

but the side quest with the three waterwings on the island? HHHHHOLY fuck that was annoying. i used practically all my resources to kill those bastards. "weak to fire" my ass. they have like mile-wide aoe attacks and they are FAST and i kept missing their bodies while my ammo was going through their wings... super, super annoying, did not like, 0/10.

i hope they un-mirror the ammo selection, i was constantly picking the wrong arrows lol.

i walked up on some sandpipers on a beach and i scared them off and it was so REAL i just stood there and watched them fly away. and then they landed further down and started doing their little sandpiper-y thing again. SO COOL.

LEGENDARY SPIKE THROWER WITH DRILL SPIKES! thank u gildun i love it and will cherish it forever.

i'm not sure about the aerial vantage points (whatever they're called) bc i haven't finished them yet but the ones i have done are more emotionally along the lines of the original vantage points, so that's cool.

i did the stormbird in the cloud before i had the waterwing override and the stormbird KILLED STEVE so i reloaded a previous save where steve was alive and waited to do that until i was riding a (super-noisy and annoying) waterwing lol.

i am SAD that all our companions have left the main map. :( i mean they didn't do anything besides stand there in the same spots but... they were there...

sylens, ahhhhhh. that final convo made me tear up a little. i wish aloy had said something before she walked away, even a sarcastic "thanks" would have felt better imo. he didn't see her smile and he didn't hear the comment she made later. just considering the real-world stuff with lance reddick, oof.

also, visiting varl’s grave T_T

aaaaaaanyway i personally felt it was *well* worth $20 and i’m sooooooo excited to see what guerrilla does in the future!

[neteyamsilly]

Oh. My. Goodness. Gracious. Your dad Jake series is SOCKING PHENOMENAL!!! I don’t love it. I’m IN LOVE with it!!! I truly CAN’T fully express into words how exactly I feel about it bc holy fck. I’m speechless at how good it is!! You have me. You got me. I’m a fan. A huge fan.

And ugh I’m getting the vibes (correct me if I’m wrong lol) that Jake is harder on her bc HE’S not ready to see her go/grow bc she’s his little girl. I’ll definitely puddle up if when they have the argument he finally snaps and says he is the way that he is on her bc she’s his little girl. Like he’s always seen her since she was little, always such a determined & sweet powerful personality and it scares him to completely lose her to that ferocious power she holds 😭 like she’s so sassy/fierce and strong that those exact qualities would make her a fantastic warrior and destine her to a not so nice fate—like Neteyam—lol ouch

Hi anon, thank you for the ask 💟💟 Im giggling crying kicking my feet AHHHHHHH

Jake is harder on Sister!Reader because of the colossal distance between them is unconsciously making him agitated, he can't reconnect with her, he can't reach out, she blocks him, she rejects him, he doesn't know what to do, he's too busy for it, and it lashes out in ways he doesn't want to and can't take back. She's his only child he goes through this with. Yeah, his relationship with Neteyam and Lo'ak have their own nuances and problems, but he's not outright rebelled and rejected the way he is with Sister!Reader, and he can't accept he's losing her/she's growing up. There is a reason why her nickname is "sweetheart" and everything:( the argument is going to be a bit different from what you're imagining, but I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless!

[marley-manson]

good things about Bug Out:

- Hawkeye nervous about performing a delicate proceedure he’s never been trained in and snapping at people, always one of my favourite things

- Hawkeye freely and emphatically telling Margaret he’s terrified when she points out he’s not acting scared

- uhhhhh Hawkeye’s parasol

bad things about Bug Out:

- it’s a bad episode bront

- Potter

- “This is the US army, if we want land, we don’t buy it we take it!” with 0 condemnation from the narrative.

- the military march version of the theme complete with asian stereotype riff

- WHY does Margaret stay with Hawkeye, and why does Hawkeye only offer one token protest????????? she is useless here.

- even more emphatic WHY DOES RADAR STAY???? Hawkeye doesn’t even say a word, he’s just like ‘k cool’ when Radar says he’s staying too, wtf lol. He should be picking him up and throwing him into the nearest truck, not buying him a drink at Rosie’s. it’s so arbitrary and stupid, clearly a nonsensical plot contrivance for the sake of like, padding the 2 parter out with the bar scene

- Potter makes Klinger give up all his dresses, no reimbursement or anything, and then it turns out to be pointless in the next scene anyway

- bad attempted dramatic references to wartime rape esp when we got Rainbow Bridge to compare it to. Rainbow Bridge is good because it’s a brief acknowledgement of harsh reality that’s accepted as a risk. Hawkeye makes a quick joke that I’m fine with bc it serves as an ic expression of nervousness, then we move on. In Bug Out Margaret brings it up in a serious enough way suitable for the tone, but Hawkeye dismisses her concern for some reason, telling her “there’s no reason to be afraid,” before the conversation shifts away onto him. Then the more slapstick-y panic at the end (like this scene features Radar trying to hide behind a pole, c’mon) includes Margaret screaming about being ravaged ft a dismissive Hawkeye joke (”tell them you’re with me”), and later exaggerating the danger they were in to Frank. And it also bugs me that Margaret specifies “female prisoners” when Rainbow Bridge acknowledged male rape. It’s like it’s trying to be a serious moment to draw attention to the danger of the situation, and then falls flat on its face.

- the overall plot doesn’t really make sense? is it just a coincidence that a bug out drill turned into a bug out rumour that was denied and then turned into a real bug out? considering they bug out like twice over the course of the show that seems pretty improbable lol.

- honestly I find the humour in this episode mostly bad. more racist jokes than usual, a few homophobic moments (Potter calling some singer a sissy, BJ’s “I’m staying with you but don’t get me wrong” no homo, everyone calling Frank Alice), and an offputting tone that doesn’t successfully balance its humour and its drama imo (see that paragraph about rape up there for an example)

- oh also why tf does Klinger immediately tell Frank about the bug out thing, without even mentioning the fact that it’s just a drill? I get that Klinger can’t keep a secret, that’s a fairly consistent thing, but why immediately go to Frank and Margaret of all people? Did he intentionally want the camp in an uproar? Why, if so? If it’s a prank we should’ve had a scene where he laughs about it, but nope.

- Hawkeye parking the car to wax poetic about the MASH good lord. serves you right that it stalled out. I don’t necessarily think it’s that ooc since it wasn’t positive, just ‘we spent a lot of time here, lots of ppl died here, hmm’ but i do think it’s dumb as shit and I don’t think Hawkeye lacks that much self-preservation

- no good gay jokes either :/ literally the best we got is Hawkeye saying, “You finally realized I have a beautiful body” after Margaret says she’s staying, which is the mildest of feminizing jokes.

It’s funny honestly, I remembered disliking this episode for Potter and the pro-military flavour and the lack of decent gay jokes, but upon rewatching there are so many more aspects to hate in addition to that

[euphoricfilter]

Hi, time for unofficial request ideas before I send a shorter version lol. I wrote this on another app and I’m kinda feeling too lazy to edit it nicely sorry lol. Hybrid panther punk pet mc and yandere punk rapper suga. Yandere mc too? Yeah prob. Or nvm and that she beats or tortures them until they’re almost dead but is too scared to kill. I prefer he’s the yandere and she’s really protective. He kills them after she goes away if there’s a good reason to. Can’t pick hm. Maybe smut is that she’s in heat and so he gets possessive and or jealous while they’re outside. Or either way around? Or both lol hm. Him patching her up even if it’s a tiny scratch compared to the enemy’s broken bones lol both are hybrids?? I like the pet idea with them both as humans or he’s human bc it’s more humiliating for the mc. But I want to see some variety and I like hybrids so why not have them both be hybrids. Maybe they’re both awkward at first. But she ends up loving to be spoiled and taken care of. And a lil vice versa. Maybe she patches him up on the rare occasions he can’t find a trusted gang doctor or member to do it bc he doesn’t want to look weak in front of her. Maybe Yoongi is a cat, tiger, cheetah. I kinda like cat the most but idk hm. Would a black cat make them look too similar or is that cute? I like the idea of her being a lil taller and kinda stronger than him but will submit to him. He’s smart and dominant. Strays who have to be in a gang bc the don’t/can’t find a human owner. Or hybrids only neighborhood with gangs. But their gang is poor. Maybe hybrids are pretty poor in general or not. Fight club/loans business mainly prob. Maybe Yoongi becomes a big gang leader. But he fakes his death after making sure he has enough $ for a stable life. Maybe passes his leadership to one of the bts boys or a random guy if the other bts boys want to get out of gang life for their lover or another passion. I prefer the latter hm. Or he becomes a big producer. Maybe all of that happens in that order hm. No drugs/prostitution/guns. (Or it exists but not mentioned. My morals/ethics lol hm) Only bare fist fighting bc that’s the honorable way to do it. But yanderes will kill for love lol. Everyone keeps one or two small weapons in case enemy used one first. Brass knuckles or dagger etc YES to hybrid ear piercings. I haven’t seen this before, that’s so interesting. The ears are usually extra sensitive so it’s considered cool to get them. (Oh no there’s the thing of whether hybrids have human ears or not too lol. I’ll say no) the other bts boys as the top members of his gang. Yoongi who is kind of a crazy asshole to anyone who isn’t in his gang. Maybe some hybrids instinctually love chaos, blood, violence, fire etc Loves mc, genuine with bts, but only plays nice for his own benefit with other gang members and other ppl. Mc is kinda similar but more cold except for with him. Maybe she gets a lil closer to the other bts boys after a while of seeing Yoongi being happy/soft with them. There doesn’t need to be a lot of gang/hybrid/world lore. I just want some and to see if Yoongi and or mc change as the gang gets bigger. MATING MARKS! I imagine they’d get it on opposite sides of their neck so the bites make a heart when they have their necks together. That’s so cute. Maybe it’s considered weak for a gang member to have a mate mark esp if it’s easily visible. But they don’t care and will more likely hurt/kill anyone who tries to flirt with the other despite the marks. Would mc’s mark be peeking over her collar? Hm. And it could be perfect heart shape or mc’s bite is a lil smaller in size. Origin story hm. Maybe he sees her playing in a small band. Or she sees him at a rapper event. Or she sees his gang. She has some fighting experience bc of the neighborhood and joins his gang for him and then they’re in love. Or she does boxing, goes to the gym or something like that and gets recruited by him, bts, or another gang member. Prob best if it’s him hm.

-🖤

I CAN WORK WITH THIS AND I LOVE IT

even if you just send punk panther reader x yoongi i to a shorter ask, i’ll add this ask to my notes so when i get round to writing it i can use it as reference and then the other ask is easier for posting

[eliotquillon]

fuck it since i got that snotty anon bc i over analysed isabelle lightwood’s name let’s stay on theme and talk abt my wayward gang name/nickname headcanons:

sybella: went by bells/bella as a kid and then turned thirteen and exclusively started going by sybella because she wanted to be Taken Seriously. obvious exception is ollivan calling her ‘ellie’, which she pretended to hate when they were together but secretly loved, and really did hate after he came back from exile because what right does he have to call her that anymore when he pushed her away and forced her to leave and left of his own accord and made her hurt for so long. doesn’t really use nicknames for other people and i can’t see her calling ollivan any typical endearments but i think she lovingly called him an idiot a lot and that was their version of babe etc

lev: his name is too short for nicknames and he’s upset about it but also everyone called him ‘the mallory boy’ behind his back for years anyway so honestly he’s just glad that people started using his first name at all. only really lets virgil call him by his surname and occasionally ollivan. definitely comes up with/uses nicknames for other people and tried really hard to get ‘ollie’ to catch on for ollivan (didn’t work and everyone hated it). for sure calls virgil ‘my love’ or ‘darling’ but if canon were set in the 21st century he'd be a HUGE babe/baby user and that's my truth

virgil: dude has a ton of bossy older sisters i guarantee he had a truckload of unflattering childhood nicknames from them and hated every single one. not a particularly big fan of going by his surname with people he doesn't know very well because he likes to be judged by his actions and not his family's wealth but a big exception is made for ollivan because they've always called each other by their surnames as an inside joke referencing the fact that they're only friends because of their families (and their disdain for them). takes himself too seriously to use pet names for lev despite being terminally down bad for him so calls him ‘mallory’ because he likes being the only person who’s really allowed to do it and that’s about as soppy as he gets

ollivan: has insisted on going by his full first name ever since he could talk pretty much; switched over to just going by ‘sims’ amongst most people as a teen as a way of subtly fuck-you reminding his grandfather that he’s his own person with a different surname. generally calls people by their surname as an affectionate bro-thing; obvious exceptions made for sybella, but also jasper . he does not look too hard at why he calls jasper by his first name. anyway i think names/nicknames are important to him and consciously or not it’s something that had a lot of meaning when he chooses to give someone a nickname. when he was small he used to call cassia ‘cassie’ but she was too young to remember and he never called her it again after she was first packed off to camden

cassia: has never really gone by her surname, not even formally, and feels pretty alienated by it; in camden she was always ‘miss cassia’ in formal settings, although that changes when she goes back to the heart. when they were together gedeon called her cass, which she initially liked but was too shy to start going by in front of anyone else, and then when he went missing she decided she hated it lol. when she was very young (7-8 maybe) hester would very, very occasionally call her ‘flower’ when she was upset or scared as a reference to her name’s etymology, and that’s partly what got her so into gardening/nature as a kid because she basically imprinted on hester and wanted to know Why that was her nickname. again she doesn’t remember ollivan calling her ‘cassie’ as a toddler but fyfe calls her it very teasingly once or twice after she returns to camden/ollivan goes to france and she feels weird about it for a reason she can’t put her finger on, so although she doesn’t say anything he drops it pretty fast

[enashinonome]

WE WATCHED FIVE EPS OF S2 i will react to youuu (only after tho)

yachiiii so cute i love her. epitome of do it scared!!

and i love how shimizu is talking more!! she’s so lovely omg. i understand tanaka and noya tbh bc every time she smiles 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

kageyama and hinata r so cute i want to squish both of them. the academic victim arc 💀💀

KENMAAAAA i love kenma. he is so small and so smart. gamer kid lol. i like his friendship with hinata a lot, like he looks for him when karasuno arrives. i feel like it’s kind of like myself, i’m very quiet and reserved irl but occasionally an extrovert will get in, and then i’ll search for them in every crowd. “he’s finally talking to someone without being shy” 😭😭 they’re actually so everything. i wish i could see more of the kuroken dynamic tho. but it’s nice to see nekoma again!

kagehina breakup 😭😭😭😭😭 bro. i actually can’t do this.

it’s interesting that kageyama cares more for the team balance now, whereas hinata is arguably pulling the “i wanna do what i wanna do” thing that kageyama did before…but i also get where he’s coming from, like helplessly dependent on the setter. i want him to grow too :(( i want the whole team to improve. anyway. i’m sure when they get back together it’ll be life changing

I love season two :’) it’s so good. We get introduced to Yachi, who is oh so precious. You’re right! She is the epitome of ‘do it scared’! And I think Kiyoko and Yachi’s relationship is really sweet. Very wholesome guidance and mentorship ;v;

Academic victim arc is SO FUNNY. They did not have that academic comeback 😭

Kenma’s my favorite character for many a reason…He’s sharp, strategic, and observant, which are traits I tend to like in characters. And I’m with you; I adore his friendship with Hinata! I love a good rivalry. As for Kuroken, there are a few chapters I’d call the “Kuroken blessings” as they delve into their relationship as kids, but I couldn’t name which numbers they are off the top of my head. But if you pay close attention to them and drink up every drop of screentime—which I did—they’re really cute, and there are some details that show how much Kuroo cares about Kenma that you’d miss if you weren’t paying attention otherwise. Then there’s the movie, which gave me ten million heart attacks. Kuroken is so sweet…I think about them every day.

The iconic Kagehina breakup…Aghhh. How do you feel independent as a player if your worth is intrinsically tied to and dependent on another player? I think they both have points, but Kageyama ends up learning some meaningful lessons at this point in the series. I don’t know if you’re at that point yet, but he makes efforts to grow as a setter and it’s really lovely to see.

I cannot wait for you to get to the Tokyo training camp arc!!!!! So summery and ensemble-focused; I feel like everyone in Karasuno gets their moment, and Nekoma and Fukurodani features are always fun. It’s a lot of people’s “comfort arc” in the sense that many rewatch it when they’re feeling down. That’s something I should do more, for sure! I think as an arc it highlights how precious everyone is. I’m excited for you to watch it.

[unknwnxquantity]

I’ve expressed that I love my family. I really do. I miss them a lot. I miss my mom. For some reason it hurts me more to be away from her. Maybe bc she’s the only person I lived with for my entire 25 years of living up til I moved out. I get more emotional when I think of her. I text my family everyday of course. The distance made me appreciate them more. But something about my mom makes the tears come out whenever I think of her in depth. Like when I hear Banda music out in public, tears start coming down my face almost immediately. Or old bad bunny. Karol G. I miss her cooking. I miss her being like “yo biatch what are we doing today🤪”. I miss her kissing our cats (it would’ve been 6 but Finn passed years back :( then 5 but now it’s down to 4.. Bria past away recently, my mom spent like 20k to try and save her life but it was too late). I miss her kissing Gray all over (our Russian blue cat someone gave to her years ago who ended up having cancer and she spent well over 10k on vet bills and will forever have to give him steroids) and saying “WE KISS THE CANCER AWAY!!!” She has a special connection to gray bc in the first few weeks? First week? we got him, he became very ill, literally limp. On the verge of death. The previous owners didn’t even tell us he was sick. And the vets would say to put him down, that he wouldn’t last past the weekend. So we hoped and prayed (we’re not even Christian). We manifested for his health to get better. I tried cleansing him with clear quartz throughout his little body a few times. I left a clear quartz next to where he’d sleep those first few weeks. Then my mom got sick out of nowhere and had to go to the hospital. It was scary. There were purple dots on her tongue. Along with other stuff like something with her blood level was low. They both became scaringly sick for a few days. Me and my sister would hear that viral tiktok song from 2020 “death bed” a lot and used to like the song, but started getting scared of it. We haven’t listened to it since (well apparently she has but rarely). But then magically they both started getting better at the same time. He doesn’t have cancer anymore and she’s better now *knock on wood*. My mom views gray as a guardian angel. Even tho he’s a literal menace to society and I’d be scared to live in a world where he is a real life man lol, I think he’s her guardian too.

I feel this deep connection to my mom. It’s second to my sister if I had to rank —it’s a little too early to feel a deep connection w my brother. He’s going thru his teenage phase and we fought a lot but we’ve come a really long way… I do feel we were enemies in a past life😭 he challenges me in ways that really shake me to my core. One of the things he shows me is my own immaturity and a shadow side to me I don’t like that I have to heal. I can’t wait til he’s older, I feel then our connection will be better and more open— My mom sleeps on herself. She’s very in tune with her senses, supernatural stuff, her intuition and inner voice. Premonitions. I relate it to her big 3 (libra sun cap moon— second hardest moon placement to have next to Scorpio and this bitch is always working lol— and Pisces rising. Scorpio mercury and Venus too I’ve done a lot of connections in terms of my family’s synastry. It’s so cute literally all of us share multiple fixed signs whether it be Scorpio Taurus Leo or Aquarius in all our big 6s, or cancer. My dad’s big 3 is literally all fixed signs too—Leo sun rising and Taurus moon— that just blew my mind… maybe that’s y everyone used to compare me to him…..MY SIBLINGS ME AND MY PARENTS HAVE EXACTLY ONE TAURUS PLACEMENT EACH IN OUR BIG 6??? We all have water Venus’ too except my dad. My mind is blown. It’s so cool to have that connection validated through astrology)…. She’s seen some dark energies throughout her life. Very dark. Whether that be human or literal evil spirits. I love when she tells me her supernatural stories. Me and my sister close ourselves off to the supernatural though. It’s better to keep the door closed than to try and find the good, bc where’s there’s good, there’s evil. My mom didn’t have that choice tho, it was brought upon her from an early age. Don’t even get me started on my grandma (Cap sun, don’t know her whole birth chart) who’s a literal witch lol and her family was into some bad stuff energetically. Apparently my grandmas parents ran some kind of temple where they’d practice stuff. The practice that starts with a b (do Spaniards even practice that? I guess so— my mom told me they got into this when they were in PR lol). I don’t wanna put that energy out online. I can only imagine the generational curses accrued bc of this side of the family. My grandma’s siblings were horrible to each other. Shes like my dad in the way she’s a real life narcissist. No tiktok armchair psychology diagnosis. None of that. But legit reasons and abusive harmful delusional behaviors and patterns that a neuronormative person doesn’t operate like to that degree. The triangulation, the deep manipulation, manic spam rants filled with hateful and vengeful words. It’s scary and heavy to hear what my mom has gone through with my grandma and my dad. And what she continues to go through with them. They are one and the same.

I feel sad for her. I mourn for my mom. She didn’t experience life bc she got pregnant with my sister in her late teens. Then me. Then my brother (Aries sun aqua moon cancer? Or Scorpio rising). She was in this narcissistic abusive relationship with my dad for 20 years. It took years off her life and health. I asked her her favorite song of all time in sept 2022 while i working in the city— I just had the random urge to ask her and my dad their fav song lol— and she said it was Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. She said it was always her favorite song growing up and how she would fantasize that song playing at her future wedding. That never happened. My heart breaks for that. I wish I could give her the love she deserves but that’s not my place… and like… that’s my mom. lol. You get what I mean. She also loves dolphin by Prince like my dad. Like my family. She loves her evil eye bracelets/charms, and one of the many she’s gifted me lol is of a dolphin evil eye keychain. I always think of her when I look at it.

Shes such a mess tho. Shes like my grandma. A hoarder. Doesn’t know how to let go either. Buys “just in case” and never uses. Buys in bulk and things expire. The house was always such a mess. Both their fucking places. It’s like literal tornadoes hit and everything’s everywhere. That’s not a place to live. It fucked with my mental so much. I can only imagine hers. She has adhd too. But hers is a whole other level. And it’s only gotten worse.

She wasn’t always the best mom. She was very cold and distant (cap moon mf). Especially with me. She had postpartum with me bad. We actually almost died together when they were delivering me😭😭 had a priest come in and everything. She’s also been in accidents with me while I was in her belly that could’ve resulted in my death. Or hers. It’s like something was fighting to not have me here. Or maybe I’m putting too much importance on my existence🤣 (no bc I asked after this entry and apparently there was a woman my dad was cheating on my mom w who was into witchcraft and another woman in her workplace that had it out for my mom for snitching on her doing something the woman wasn’t supposed to be doing… wow). It wasn’t til covid where she started becoming softer. She’s getting older. Things and regrets are starting to hit her and my dad; a tale as old as time. Now she sends us tiktoks, the ones that are apologizing for being a “bad” mother, or the corny ones “where in every lifetime I’ll always love you…. I may have not been the best but I will always try for you” type of tiktoks. She sends them a lot now actually. It’s cute. It’s nice to see her acknowledgements and her trying to break generational traumas. Her mom could never though. I think that’s why she’s trying harder with us now.

She still disappoints me in some ways. Like my dad. I feel I have to be the one on top of them to give me the love and attention I want from them. I hate one sidedness (not like I’ve said this mad times before). But maybe it’s not just that. Maybe it’s just not being able to access certain sides and emotions I can access easily. I feel the only person who reciprocates my depth and understands/appreciates things the exact same way I can who’s in my life, is my sister. We are the same person just opposite sides of the same coin. I don’t use that term lightly either. When I make observations/statements like that. Or what I say in general. I don’t say things lightly just to say them. But yeah I take things with my parents with a grain of salt at the end of the day. I have to recognize that people cannot reach where I’m at on a soul level at times and that’s okay. I can still love them the same. Just different expectations. Less expectations. Expectations set you up for failure. You have to let people and things be. There’s no wrong or right way of being (unless you’re hurting ppl with your existence, then that’s a problem). Not everyone has to be on this big spiritual journey just bc you are. I just tell myself sometimes that this is a part of their souls journeys and maybe in the next life or lives after that, maybe they’ll get to where they “need to be”.

Okay maybe that’s enough about my mom. Theres more I could say but I’ll leave as is. Lol I love her, she’s my bestie. As I write this, I think to myself… she’ll probably never know this entry of her exists. Lol anyways I get to be with all of them in a few weeks to go to a Nicki concert (my brother loves Nicki, we all do now bc of him AND YES SHES PROBLEMATIC PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE). I’m excited for that. We are in the front of the front bitch! Like making eye contact front. I’m also supposed to go see my old hs guidance counselor while I’m out there (technically she wasn’t but I wish she was) and I’m so excited to see her. I lovedddd her. We bonded when I was in hs over our curly hair and she’s so quiet but super nice and open-ended and minded. Now she’s my brothers guidance counselor. She looks out for him. Me and her email from time to time. And ofc when I told my mom ask her what her birthday was…. She’s a freaking Gemini 🤣 she was giving cancer (she does have cancer placements, including cancer Venus💁‍♀️). I love my cancers/cancer placements too. She’s into numerology tho and the importance of birth dates. She told my mom to tell me about this book she had in her office, called “the secret language of birthdays”. I still haven’t checked it out but I have to soon. I’m gonna ask her in person for her birth chart bc I always felt drawn to her.

Okay enough about me!!! I’m getting paranoid lol.