#but then getting more of her experience while i was being severely emotionally abused kinda... yeah

[senselessalchemist]

apparently I preordered an audiobook when I had a free one from audible (yes I know but if they want to give me a poor person an audiobook I am too weak to resist, also it's how I get my stormlight archive fix every few years) and I don't know what it is and I am also afraid to check because I am a very weird coward with issues about notifications

[chaotic-leaf-enthusiast]

One thing that isn't often talked about, at least from my experience, is how going through the process of healing from childhood trauma can often make you lose your family.

I grew up in a big family. 5 aunts/uncles, a set of grandparents, and 4 cousins. My mother was severely mentally ill, but my grandparents did not believe in mental health and so never got her diagnosed or tried to get help for her. My family just decided that she was impossible, combative, and liked to be contrary, because those were the traits that affected them the most.

From an early age, she had a history of abusing animals and people. She had a loose grip on reality, intense paranoia, and if someone slighted her at all, she felt like her response should be to hurt them as much as possible.

Even if those slights were imagined.

So on the outside, that description kinda makes you worried when you learn that she was a single mom to a child.

When I was born, she was very very afraid of losing custody of me, but could never tell me why she feared that in the first place. She fought often with all of the family members who wanted to visit me. She wouldn't let them. She told everyone that I was very sick and a simple cold would kill me, so no one was allowed to visit. She put breathing tubes on my face that were not connected to an oxygen tank and told everyone that I was on oxygen for several months. My family was very resentful of this.

As I got older, she fought with my grandmother who wanted to help her take care of me while she worked. I was often put in the middle. My family was extremely resentful of my mom's overprotectiveness and took it out on me. My aunts would come over to visit my grandmother and talk shit about my mom until I cried in distress, and then would laugh in my face and call me names. One of my aunts told my oldest cousin to convince me "not to trust my mom." Another aunt slammed a door in my face and gave my cousin presents but not me and rubbed it in my face, because my mom had told her not to buy me a certain kind of candy because it would "destroy my respiratory system and kill me". My mom saw this behavior and took issue with it even though she was abusing me herself, and would often "go off the grid" and just disappear from the rest of the family and not communicate with anyone until she got over it. I was not allowed to communicate with them either and if I indicated that I wanted to, she would retaliate with verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, and physical violence.

Instead of recognizing that my mom's mental illness was turning into munchausens by proxy, and doing literally ANYTHING to help me or at least show me that they were safe people who I could go to if I needed help, my aunts and grandparents took their anger on my mom out on me. They focused on how her behaviors about me affected THEM, and turned every interaction that I had with my family into a painful memory of being left out, hated for no reason, and entirely alone.

As I got older, my mother let me be more and more involved with our family and I tried desperately to be close to them. When my first younger cousin was born and was old enough to play with, she and I got along very well, and her mom began to tolerate me. The rest of the family still rejected me emotionally every time I tried to get to know them or show them things about my personality. They acted like I was just an extension of my mother, someone they didn't want to interact with. My cousin's mom would have me over for playdates with my cousin, but whenever my mother pissed her off, she would take it out on me. I was often told that I needed to manage my mother's behavior, and if my mother did something mean and unhinged to one of them, for some reason my aunts saw that as my fault and would get verbally aggressive with me.

Two of my aunts were mandated child abuse reporters, and when my grandmother would tell them that she had witnessed my mother doing actively abusive things to me, they wouldn't report it because they didn't want to fight with my mom.

I grew up knowing that I was alone. In sixth grade, my mom and I lived with my grandparents. One of my aunts was going through chemotherapy for stage 4 cancer, and for some reason the family started depending on me to administer her chemotherapy treatment on days when they couldn't get off work to come help. My mother, the "big pharma" conspiracy theorist, used this opportunity to convince me that the chemo treatment was killing my aunt, and when I saw her in the hospital a few days before she died, crying in pain, I started believing that I had contributed to her death. I was racked with guilt for years and it turned into a deep depression.

I began to believe that I deserved to be left out and alone and hated by my family. I stopped trying to get to know them. I accepted that I didn't deserve love. I gave up on trying to stand up for myself and just let my mother abuse me. I had no fight left in me. Around this time, my mother's insanity began rapidly increasing and we went off the grid. She forced me to be homeschooled, live in a house with no electricity or running water, and started hoarding animals. My family knew about this situation and yet the CPS worker and the teacher decided not to fulfill their mandatory reporting obligations.

Years passed with no contact with my family except for short conversations when we would run into them. I was severely anorexic, but that still wasn't enough for a cps call. My mother started using torture techniques on me, things that I still cannot discuss in detail with my therapist, and I lost the ability to think clearly about what was happening to me.

Ten years after we had moved into that house that had no utilities, I was able to overcome my mother's brainwashing and escape. I lived out of my car for a year. I tried to reconnect with my aunts and uncles and grandfather.

Suddenly the narrative was that the years I had no contact with them was due to me "choosing not to associate with them." When I started trauma therapy, my aunts were suddenly so loving and supportive and "we had no idea your mother was like this, we would have rescued you if we had known!" When I got to a point that I was able to describe some of the things that happened to me, my aunt's response was sympathetic, but always ended with "your mother gives ME ptsd."

I often apologized for things my mother had made me do as a child, and my aunt's response was "why are you bringing up old shit?"

And here's my point. When you go through trauma therapy for childhood trauma, you HAVE to bring up old shit. You have to go back and analyze what was done to you so that you can work through the ways it affects your current life. And the most important thing you have to accept is that you DID NOT CAUSE your abuse. You didn't do anything to deserve it. If you never had anyone safe to reach out to for help, that is NOT your fault and it does NOT mean that you are complicit in your abuse or that you prevented people around you from helping you by not asking for help.

My aunts and uncles and grandfather want me to believe that they had no way of helping me because I never went to them for help. They want me to believe that they couldn't do a single thing about the abuse and neglect that they witnessed, knew about, and in some cases were OBLIGATED TO REPORT, simply because I never articulated to them what they were witnessing.

If I believe that, then they can have a relationship with me without us having to accept and work through the fact that they were complicit in my abuse by allowing it to happen with no interventions attempted. They can make up whatever narrative they want and I'll just have to hold on to that cognitive dissonance of trying to heal from trauma while being gaslit about the trauma.

Both the cps worker and the teacher had conversations with me where they stated that my grandmother had gone to them asking for help because she had witnessed my mom abusing or neglecting me. Both of them framed it as "your mom hurt your grandmother so badly by abusing you and we feel defensive about how she hurt our mother" but in conversations later on will say that they had no idea what was happening to me and that they wished they could have helped.

My trauma therapy helped me confront this shit. I couldn't tolerate the cognitive dissonance I needed to be able to have happy, positive relationships with my family. It was either deny their role in what happened and accept that my abuse happened because I never spoke up, or accept that the abuse was not my fault and heal properly.

I hung onto these people for a few years until I moved to another state and got married. My aunts had bad reactions to this, stating that they felt "abandoned."

I'm not even going to point out the irony because this still fills me with rage on behalf of my younger self.

My breaking point was when I got locked out of my bank account while buying plane tickets and asked for help that I would pay back when the bank opened and I could get my account unlocked. Both my aunts tried to claim that they believed that my wife was forcing me to try to scam them for money. I was on my own, and managed to figure something out. Days later, my aunt asked for picture proof that I was who I said I was, and then went on this spiel about how my wife was manipulative and controlling because *checks notes* I decided to move to the state she lived in. She was acting so concerned for my safety.

I finally snapped and told her that she never cared when my mom was manipulative and controlling, and it's funny that she's trying to claim that about my wife who she has only met once, and who gives me the most loving and healthy relationship I have ever had. I told her that my wife wasn't the reason I moved away from them, it was because it was too painful to try to have relationships with people who pretend that they didn't take their anger at my mom out on me when I needed them to be a safe person to get help from.

Her response: "all this because we didn't give you money..."

And I have not spoken to any of them since.

I don't have to juggle that cognitive dissonance anymore. According to my therapist I'm doing a lot better since I gave up on them. I still love my cousins and don't hold anything against them, because they grew up in the same mess, but I have emotionally removed myself from the rest of that family and it has healed me so much. Is it traumatizing to have lost such a big family? Sometimes it feels that way, but then I remember that *I NEVER TRULY HAD A FAMILY IN THE FIRST PLACE.*

I was always alone, but around other people who should have loved me. Taunted by the idea of a family but never truly being a part of one. Once I figured that out, it was easy to discard the need to cling to them. I had been trying to hold onto them for years. Wasting so much energy trying to be close to people who couldn't even love me enough to be genuine and just apologize. They'd rather I accept lies about myself, become stagnant in my healing process, than admit that they could have done better for me. That's why they felt so threatened when I finally had a loving relationship. I wouldn't need to cling so hard to them and I could take a step back and see the difference between being loved and being tolerated.

Don't let the illusion of family hold you back from healing. Don't let hurt people keep you hurt. I promise you, the healing you can do and the person you can become is so much better than staying stuck in pain just to hold onto someone. There are people who will love you without caveats or conditions, and they are worth finding.

[truthteller-lumen]

Nox (cynicallyinkless, fiveminutemeal, lorimer-no, etc) is an internet predator, a scammer, and a chronic liar. Here’s what you need to know.

He always made it seem like I had a choice and free will but... he manipulated me so bad that leaving wasn’t an option because I felt so bad for him. It’s so insidious. - one of Nox’s many ex-partners

Nox (Noximillian, Noxim Raven, Cynicallyinkless, @SirAlthair, @SirAlthairx,  fiveminutemeal, onehalfdime, lorimer-no) is an internet predator.

He has pursued teenagers and young women nearly 10 years his junior. He is 32 and his latest partner was 19.

He has emotionally abused his numerous partners via gaslighting, emotionally manipulative language, and negging, as well as other abusive tactics.

He has cheated on his partners with multiple other women_. _Though he claims to be in happily polyamorous relationships, many of the partners he was dating were not happy about the situation. He often kept the truth about his other partners from them.

He has lied about his entire identity to his partners, up to and including faking his own voice and sending pictures and nudes that were not of him. He also lied about other details of his life, such as his family structure (claiming his mother was dead and that he had adopted a daughter) and his educational status (claiming he had finished his degree), which leads to: 

He has accepted nearly $3500 from his friends in order to fund his education, then did not finish his degree. What the money was used for is unclear, but he took multiple expensive trips with his friends after receiving the cash.

Be aware. Know the facts. Protect yourself. If you’re in a relationship like this, seek help immediately. If you see the warning signs of a relationship like this, get out as fast as you can.

More information is below the cut.

Nox’s accounts and handles are listed at the bottom of the article. Want more details? Read on.

There was one girl, first. Then more, younger and younger. More trusting, more accepting, more susceptible to his abuse. He had them compete for his attention, let them fight among themselves. And he lied to them, over and over again. He let them throw their whole lives away, their finances, their hearts, for someone who didn’t really exist.

This is a story of abuse, lies, and manipulation. This is a story that we never want to see repeated again.

Names have been censored. Labels may not be consistent between conversations to protect the identities of those speaking.

---

Nox met us when we were all teenagers. Young adults. - one of Nox’s many ex-partners

Nox has pursued girls over 10 years his junior.

Over the years, the ages of the partners Nox has taken has trended downwards dramatically. When the people his age began to reject him for his behavior, he wandered until he found a group he was accepted by.

First, she was 28. Then, 22. Then, 19. And that’s not even the complete list. 

Though she was 13 years his junior, Nox would often talk to his youngest partner in disturbing ways, including the topic of pregnancy, to the point where she had already rewritten her entire life plan after college just to accommodate having a child with him.

Even those who were not romantically involved with him were subject to sexual talk, including minors:

He cased these girls. He approached the most vulnerable, easily isolated ones.

He went after me after prodding around and kinda guessing I wasn't too close with people that didn't like him. - one of Nox’s many ex-partners

These girls were not only subject to romantic advances, but gaslighting, abuse, and controlling behavior, as well.

---

If I did anything he didn’t like or if I offered that I didn’t like something, he would just stop communicating and talking to me for days on end. - one of Nox’s many ex-partners

Nox has emotionally abused his partners.

The common thread in the swathe of abuse he has cut over the past 10+ years is control. Don’t drink, he’d say. Don’t cut your hair. Don’t leave me, or I’ll kill myself. Every action he’d take - from punishing his partners with the silent treatment to ranting and raving at them when something didn’t go his way - was taken with the intent to control their actions.

Below is an account from his longest partner of 9 years.

After breaking up with this partner, he posted to Tumblr, implying that they were the one who had broken up with him:

But the breakup was anything but shitty. In fact, he was the one who had initiated it:

A benign breakup, initiated by him, over increasing distance.

His posts on Tumblr were no more than sharpened knives, directed at his ex of 9 years. Look at how much you’ve hurt me. Look, this is all your fault.

At the time he posted these posts, he had already been dating his 19-year-old partner for several months.

Not even his youngest partners were safe from his controlling behavior.

He used them against each other:

He isolated them from their real-world communities:

He isolated them from online friends whom he knew would expose his abuse for what it was:

And he tried to control what they did in their free time:

He would fly off the rails if he thought they disobeyed him, in this case for drinking when he didn’t want them to:

And if he didn’t get his way, he would threaten suicide:

---

He said he was poly... but he couldn’t tell his other girlfriends about me yet. Not until we were fully fully official... I didn’t know when he could say we were official, though. So I believed him about it. Only then I realized that he was hiding me from his other flings and partners. - one of Nox’s many ex-partners

Nox has cheated on his partners.

He justifies it under the guise of polyamory. The girls, a decade his junior, would often be led to believe that they were the most special girlfriend, and he made no attempt to communicate otherwise. Despite this, he would often claim that he was “single” while telling his younger flings that they were still dating.

His ex of 9 years didn’t know about any of these girls. He never told her.

---

The way he talks is so smooth and persuasive, it's so easy to be manipulated. I’m just crying so hard because it was a lie. I gave myself up to a liar and a fraud and my heart can't accept it yet. - one of Nox’s many ex-partners

Nox lied about his entire identity to his partners and friends. He is a chronic liar.

To his close friends, his mother was dead, and he’d adopted a daughter. His family had abandoned him, he was living alone, and he needed help financially. These were all things they were told, and they believed him.

His mother is alive. There is no daughter. He lives with his family.

Fake dead mom.

Fake adopted daughter.

To his partners, he portrayed himself as a charming, handsome man. He sent nudes that were not his own. The selfies he sent didn’t match up with his real life appearance. He used a voice modulator to fool them into thinking he was someone he wasn’t. His web of lies is so deep that no one is sure what the truth is.

He pretended to be a cis man to his partner, and made sexual advances on her without disclosing otherwise. He is not a cis man, and the terms of his partner’s consent were violated.

The explicit picture he sent to her to further the lie of being a cis man was pulled from PornHub.

No one is really sure who the person in his selfies is.

He used a voice modulator to pretend he was someone he was not. (Full disclosure: getting closer to being someone you’re comfortable with is totally fine, and if using a voice modulator does that for you, then go for it. The chronic lying to partners that deserved full disclosure before intimacy is the issue here.)

He kept everything from his partners.

---

He mostly came to me for money because I helped pay his tuition for 3 years on my own. Thinking that I was helping to support him when his family wouldn’t... But turns out I was just being used. - one of Nox’s ex-friends

Nox accepted a large sum of money from his friends in goodwill to pay for his tuition. It’s unclear where the money went.

He lied to them, saying that his family had abandoned him and that he was living alone, unable to pay for his tuition. Despite struggling financially themselves, his friend and ex contributed $3500 to his education.

First, his friend contributed nearly a grand to his education while living on minimum wage.

Then, his ex contributed a whopping 2.4 grand.

He accepted this money happily, and recently informed the first friend, who had not kept up with him in a while, that he had graduated medical school.

But other friends with more recent experience thought otherwise. Below is a quote from yet another ex who knew him closely and recently.

And very recently, he contacted his ex of 9 years - the one who had contributed 2.4 grand - to tell her that he had not, in fact, used the money towards his schooling, or finished his schooling at all. He lied.

A poor, ailing young brother who needed money for his future. He spun his use of their generous aid as a good deed.

But was it even used that way at all?

He would often go on lavish and expensive trips with one of his younger partners at the same time that he was receiving money from his friends. Below is a receipt from a trip he took together with that partner, correlated with the timing of the money he received.

This happened while he was still dating the first ex who had donated 2.4 grand to his tuition. 

If he was strapped for money, why was he taking expensive trips with his side flings? If he needed to fund his brother’s future, why was he paying for lavish accommodations for him and his friends?

And why was he buying expensive gifts for them, too? Below is a quote from another younger partner (different from the one above).

_

If even one more girl reads this and realizes she’s in danger, then it was worth it. - an anonymous contributor

Know what abuse looks like. It could happen to you.

If your relationship looks even remotely like this, heavily consider whether or not you feel happy being there. If you’re working to escape a relationship like this, we see you. We believe in you.

If you are in a relationship with Nox and want to seek help, or have an experience you want to share, our ask box is open. Your personal information will not be published.

The following are some resources on what abuse looks like and how to escape it:

What are the signs of emotional abuse?

5 signs of emotional abuse

5 ways to escape an abusive relationship

Be wary of who you speak to online. There are more people like this out there. It is not a crime to be loving, trustful and kind, but it is unforgivable for someone to abuse that trust, to lie and to manipulate their way into receiving kindness.

And all abusers get their due. Nox, this is yours.

Get some fucking help. Stop abusing young women.

---

Nox’s handles and accounts

Nox has been known as:

Nox, Noximillian, Noxim Raven, Cynicallyinkless, @SirAlthair, @SirAlthairx,  fiveminutemeal, onehalfdime, lorimer-no

On the online game Final Fantasy XIV, he is Balthier Strahll on Mateus at the time of writing. His character ID is 20282710. He is active in the RP community on Crystal datacenter and frequents player-run RP establishments such as “The Gilded Knob” on Malboro.

This blog will be updated with any other handles or accounts as they become known to us. Have an account that isn’t listed here? Send us a message.

[nagitoandkokichioneshots]

Boyfriend!Nagito analysis

Mod Mikan is bored with her head empty with nothing but Nagito (as always). I wanted to do a Nagito misconception post thingy, but I was like “Nahhhh~....” So I’ll just do a Boyfriend!Nagito analysis (which is also kinda a rant thingy, cause I was in the mood to rant a bit) :)

This isn’t even me simping, if Nagito was just a neutral character to me, I still think he’d be like this as a significant other 

I will use the “Five languages of Love” as my basis for this analysis: 

To summarize, the five love languages are loving words, physical affection, gifts, time spent together, and lending a helping hand. Here is why I personally believe Nagito would be fluent in all five of these acts. But first, some basic information about Nagito and his views on love: 

I get it. Nagito never had anyone that loved him, or anyone that he would love. No one was there to comfort him when he was going through so many hardships in his life, which made him develop a ‘cheerful, laid-back’ persona he can hide his true emotions behind. He thinks his problems are ‘too worthless’ for people to care about. He tells Hajime during his final FTE that his one true desire in life is to be loved. If you somehow managed to break that wall he puts between himself and others, and earn a place in his life as someone he can love, BAM! He would be the most devoted and faithful partner. He would try so hard to keep that one person that makes him feel like a real human being and like he’s worth expressing his real feelings. Even if it meant doing an ample amount of research, reading books, watching videos, anything for his love! Nagito is aware that people doesn’t like him and he believes he doesn’t deserve for his yearning for love to become a reality. But again, if you are successful in breaking that wall and convince him that you truly and deeply love him, he would do everything--and I mean A N Y T H I N G--in his power to make sure that you are aware he loves and cherishes you everyday 

Now let’s move onto Nagito and the love languages

Words of affirmation: This one is probably a given, but Nagito speaks very highly of the other ultimates and puts them on a pedestal. His way of praises and affectionate words may come off as intense and strong, but in his heart, he truly cares and love his classmates. He doesn’t spend much time with most of them, yes, but keep in mind that his man doesn’t have a most experience with social interactions and is afraid of scaring them off. It’s also canon that he keeps his distance from people he likes because he just wants to protect them from his luck hurting them. The only people he actually got to spend time and get to know was Hajime, Chiaki and occasionally Kazuichi. Nagito genuinely respects and appreciates the Ultimates. Yes, he confuses the ‘hope they embody’ with pure, platonic love, but it comes to show that he really does care for them. Everything he does is never for himself, rather for this classmates. While some people may argue that “He doesn’t really care for them as people, he just likes what they can offer due to their talent” I get some people that may think like this. If you haven’t watched the anime, I can kinda understand where you are coming from with this depiction. But you have to understand that Nagito believes he’s going absolute good for their ‘hope to shine brighter’. His actions aren’t purely to be a dick, he does this for them! 

Nagito’s obsession with hope is twisted, but not his definition of hope. Hope literally means a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. Synonyms include ambition, aspiration and dream. This means that Nagito will do anything for his classmates “Dreams to shine brighter”, telling them that he will do anything for them to achieve their goals. Why would someone that secretly doesn’t give two shits about his classmates go to the ends of the earths just for his classmates? I know, I know. His actions aren’t the best. They are harmful and dangerous--but he means well and his heart is in a good place. I will speak more of this in acts of service, but I will stick with his words of affirmation right now

Praises and compliments always leaves Nagito’s mouth, at least before chapter 4. He goes on about the Ultimates being ‘symbols of hope’ and will even talk bad about himself to make them feel better. While this isn’t the best way to show you love someone, is it wrong that he, in fact, does praise and compliments the Ultimates. He verbally shows his love and admiration through praise, and even compliments some of them as people. He calls Mahiru “High-spirited” Chiaki “Pretty perceptive” on their character relationship chart, hell! He even compliments Hajime on being ‘smart’ even when he found out he was talentless! Yes, people will argue and say he was being sarcastic, but just read his wiki page and it will say “He says that he genuinely and sincerely means everything he says” 

After all, he did get the lying despair disease in chapter 3, which was the opposite of his usually personality 

Physical Touch: Nagito is touch-starved af. He probably wasn’t close to his parents growing up and most likely received some sort of mental and emotional abuse as well. Mixed with his luck and non-existent self esteem, it would be no surprise if his parents blamed him for a lot of bad things that happened and easily pin it on ‘his luck’. He says that he was the closest to the family dog, which implies that he was assumably treated on the same level as the dog. If Nagito had a SO, it wouldn’t be just anyone. It would be someone that he already has a deep emotionally connection with. Someone who can he can human around, and not just hide behind a smile. As soon as he can call someone his significant other, he would latch onto them like a koala. He would most definitely enjoy cuddles, hand-holding, and wrapping his arm around them. He never had anyone to lean on or cry with, so he would be very hesitant displaying physical affection at first. It’s so new to him, but then again, you didn’t just accept his feelings for nothing! Nagito is no fool--he knows that you aren’t a liar when you say that you aren’t going to leave him. He’s also pretty observant, so if he sees you frowning or pouting because he backed out on holding/cuddling you, he’d would continue with the halted affection. He just doesn’t think he deserves it. He would ask his SO with E V E R Y T H I N G that involved physical touch, even if it was just hand-holding or hugging. Get prepared to be bombarded with questions starting with “Is it okay if I (insert physical affection) with you?”. But it’s only because he wants to do it, but thinks he doesn’t deserve to “taint someone as hopeful as you with his disgusting touch”. Keep in mind the reason why he asks over and over again is because he really wants to do it. Over time in the relationship, or even if you initiated some of it, Nagito would feel like he actually deserved the love and would never take any direct contact of admiration for granted. He’d smile and, if he was feeling unusually bold that day, would even start the kiss/hug (but would feel SUPER embarrassed and ashamed later) 

Baby steps, everyone. Baby steps 

Receiving gifts: This use to be something the majority of the fandom missed about Nagito, but now, I’m sure that everyone knows about this--Nagito is loaded. He has more money than the average person spends in their life, and can pull many more winning lottery tickets whenever he wants. This is certainly a given in the fandom, and something I do agree with in the fandom. Since Nagito’s low self-confidence and his severe inferiority complex would make him constantly believe he doesn’t deserve you, yet he doesn’t want to lose the one thing that he can be himself with. He loves you and he knows it’s selfish, but he wants to be with you forever. It would be no secret that he would use his money 99.9% of the time on you. Nagito has no desire to hold onto the money or to spend it on someone that doesn’t deserve it (himself). When you become the one person that he loves and values more than hope itself, you become that thing that he can spoil and spend his wealth on. After all, someone as hopeful as you deserves only the best! Praises wouldn’t just be the only thing that would spill outta him. Almost everyday, he would surprise you with gifts to the point where it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore. Nagito is also very keen and attentive, so whatever present he’ll get you, you will obviously love it. The way your eyes light up and smile when you see something you love. Or when your face twitches and you bite your lip, seeing something you hate: You wouldn’t even have to say anything for Nagito to notice. He’s just standing next to you, smiling--and planning on what to get you next

If he can get you everything you wanted.....you wouldn’t leave him....right? 

Quality Time: It’s canon that Nagito has been alone for the as long as he can remember. Not only does his lack of social interactions and being out of touch with even his own emotions prove this, but he was basically free to do whatever he wished since he had no family left after his parents passed. He had no friends, no acquaintances, and everyone still avoids him due to his creepiness. Even when he is trying to make friends, everyone still tends to dislike him, making him feel like no one loves him. Just imagine you’ve been all alone, not even one person has stuck by your side for several years

Now you have someone that claims they love you. Someone that assures and tells you that they will never leave you. Someone that is there to lift your self-confidence back on your feet and will always be there to reassure and praise you whenever you are feeling down about yourself

You never had anyone like this before. What is this feeling exactly? 

I do admit--Nagito would be really awkward at first. But time is key! I wholeheartedly believe that Nagito will eventually sink into the touch and affection that his SO provides for him. You are his whole world--the hope light of his life. I would even add that since his SO would already have an emotional bond with him, even prior to dating, they would be the ones that would ‘keep him sane’ and guide him in the right direction. Nagito would have already spent a huge chunk of his time with them, showing his more vulnerable side and true emotions towards them. He would absolutely enjoy their company and time, making him forget all about his once lonely life without them. Without you, he can never go back to the miserable once he once had even though he thinks he deserves it. He knows it’s selfish, but hey! Can a guy, even like him, be selfish once in a while

I actually have this headcanon that he’s very clingy and so emotionally dependent on you, that he asks his SO to move in with him at such an early age, even when they are in high school. Hey, it must get pretty boring in such a spacious, empty manor like his parents’ old one. Why dread coming home to the lonely, boring life he had without you, when he can look forward to seeing his angel of hope again?! 

Of course, with your parents’ permission and all, but I feel like Nagito’s SO’s parents would love him! 

Even if you aren’t that clingy or into PDA, Nagito will totally respect your boundaries and comfort. He prioritizes your needs before his own and will absolutely back off if you start to feel the slightest discomfort. You probably don’t even have to say anything, just one quick look at your face would do the trick. Nagito can read you like a fucking novel 

Acts of Service: It’s no secret that Nagito would go to the ends of the earths and do literally anything for his classmates. I mean, he built a bomb just so his classmates would get out of taking a test. Just imagine what he would do for his SO! No, I’m talking about killing anyone. He never kills anyone in the killing game, so I don’t think he would kill anyone for the sake of his SO. That’s probably one of the very, V E R Y few things he cannot do for his lover. But anything else, even something drastic as closing their school because of a test that was stressing them out or buying them a ‘private island in the middle of the Persian Gulf’ cause they wanted to spend winter break somewhere warm wouldn’t be a problem for him. Nagito doesn’t want his beloved hope to feel the despair he did, and he would do everything and anything in his, insane amount of, power to make sure that hope never runs out. Even if his methods are a bit...extreme, he does this because he loves you! Everything he does is solely for the ones he loves, never for himself 

Idk, maybe it’s just because I like crazy people, but I do think Nagito would literally do whatever he can think of for his SO

I said this before in my Nagito ‘unpopular opinion post’ but I’ll say it again: I see a lot of people headcanon Nagito as someone that would unintentionally and intentionally push his lover’s boundaries and limits to see them “overcome despair with hope” but I honestly wouldn’t see him doing that to his lover, at least not as much or extremely. If he would, he wouldn’t take it to the next level like he did in the killing game. Cause in Island Mode, even though he was waiting for despair to happen, he didn’t purposely inflict it. He rather wanted to spend time and have fun with Hajime. Also, I feel like his SO’s safety is his number one priority, since his luck could hurt them at any time. He would be extremely cautious if he wanted to cause ‘despair’ for their hope to ‘overcome’ it

I find many people exaggerating just how many ‘bad things’ Nagito did in the game. Yes, he does manipulate his classmate in killing him, but please exclude trial one if that is your only example! And exclude chapter 4 and 5, cause let’s face it: Learning that your idols, the ones who called ‘symbols of hope’ where actually apart of the worst terrorist group to walk this earth will make you even more batshit crazy

Nagito has been more helpful than even some of his classmates. He was the last one in chapter 2 to investigate, but at least he was more of use than Kazuichi! Nagito’s so smart and intelligent. He would plan everything out and make sure that the end result is all for his lover and nothing would get in the way of having their message heard, not his own wishes! This actually made me rethink about that famous bomb episode in the anime, and I know many people will argue that Nagito didn’t even think about the people that were in the building. But...what if he did? 

The ‘bad luck’ would be that the building would get destroyed. But the ‘good luck’ would be that no one would get hurt. Nagito probably relied on his luck to make sure no person got damaged, just the building. Yes, IT WAS STILL WRONG! But think twice before saying “Yeah, Yeah, Nagito is smart”--No. He’s fucking intelligent. He does more planning that you will ever know, and that is what makes me believe that he will do anything, even going to extremes, to fulfill his SO’s wishes. In fact, with time, I think his SO would guide his actions on the right path and make sure that he would carry out his intentions with the best actions to follow through with it. Nagito would be more calm and tamed with his SO, and wouldn’t have to rush into anything reckless or impulsive

Even in Island Mode, Nagito was more at peace without the killing game’s toxic and stressful atmosphere. Hell, he was even waiting for despair to come, but he never purposely caused it! Which is why I write in a non-despair AU. Cause I really can’t make Nagito ‘purposely’ cause despair, because while I was replaying the game, I thought to myself “Wow....the fandom needs to chill” cause he was actually one of the most helpful characters. Without him, most trials wouldn’t even have been solved! 

When I was first playing DRV2, I thought he was the ‘Kirigiri’ of the trials, not the antagonist! I know people would say “But he knew who was the blackened and didn’t even say anything” guys.......

Byakuya and Kyoko also knew in the first game, but left it up to Makoto’s ass to figure it out (I saw this meme on reddit, but Tumblr isn’t letting me link it) 

So there you go! I hope you lovelies enjoyed :)

[poetryofyouth]

I did it, I finally quit psychiatry

(I wrote this for r/antipsychiatry, but I thought I might as well post it here too. don't read if you're easily triggered)

It's been a long journey through hell, but I've had enough. I'm not taking any more shit from incompetent, clueless doctors who think they know me better than I do myself. Who do not listen to me when I beg them to change the medication and instead just give me more of the stuff that is making me worse. I'll finally be free.

I doubt anyone cares, but I'll just tell you my story from the beginning. This is going to be a very long story. Basically, I became depressed at 14 or 15, I'm a 22 year old woman now. The reason was mainly that I couldn't handle the pressure from school. I am a very ambitious, perfectionist but also extremely lazy person. I was constantly beating myself up for not achieving what I wanted to achieve but also unable to fix my behavior. I did also have some slight, not even that serious trauma from a emotionally neglectful childhood and my parents telling me I was a failure every time I would get a grade that wasn't an A. At some point it all became too much and I started self-harming. Then I got worse and worse, self harming occasionally but severely, until I finally attempted suicide at 17.

I was locked into a youth psychiatry institution against my. will. I had my rights, my freedom taken away and was forced to take heavy medications. The very first evening I asked the psychiatrist at the hospital about the side effects of the medications, but he refused to tell me anything and instead just said I should trust his professional judgement. Unfortunately I was too tired and unwell to keep asking so I just accepted not knowing what would happen to me.

They gave me very high doses of Seroquel (Quetiapine), SSRIs and other stuff that I don't even know because they didn't even tell me the names of what they made me take. I just know the names of the medications I was supposed to continue to take after the hospital stay because they were in the papers they gave me. Then after a few days I begged the doctor to take me off the meds because I was so tired I could barely move. I had never felt worse in my life. she refused and instead upped my dose further.

I got worse and worse until I managed to get access to a razor blade I injured myself with on purpose. When my roommate told the nurses what I had done, I was forcefully, against my will restrained onto a bed. Yes, they actually tied me to a bed. And then pushed the bed into a small room where I was alone, and tied to the bed, unable to move. Of course I had a severe panic attack. The room had video surveillance, but it took them quite some time to notice that I was having a panic attack. they finally came and gave me something to breathe into and I calmed down more or less, but they didn't untie me. I later had to pee, and they didn't even untie me for that. I had to pee into a bedpan while tied to the bed, with a nurse watching me. it was incredibly humiliating. I was not untied the entire night. I was restrained until the next morning. When they finally untied me, I had quite seriously injured myself from fighting against the restraints. I had basically torn the skin off my ankles, the scars are faded now but they were visible for many years. It was quite painful. I do consider this incident of being restrained against my will psychiatric abuse, especially because I was restrained for so long. In total probably 10 hours, maybe even more.

Then the hospital didn't really know what to do with myself. I had of course lost any trust I had into the nurses and doctors and shut myself off from them. So they transferred me to a different institution, a more high-security one. Of course I wasn't asked if that was okay, I had to comply. I had began to form relationships with some of the girls, so being taken away from the small support system I had was very stresssful, especially considering how fragile I was at that time.

The other institution wasn't much different, but it was good for me to be taken away from the people who had abused me. I got a tiny bit better. I started to trust the nurses there a little bit. I got along with the other patients and over all liked the hospital better for maby reasons. And then they noticed I was a little better. And then they decided I was well enough to go back to the other hospital. Of course I wasn't asked this time either. But I had made more progress there in two weeks than in the other hospital in a month. I had again started building a little support system. But worst of all, I was forced to go back to the place where I had been abused, and at the time I was still very affected by the experience. I felt incredibly powerless and betrayed, but I didn't have a choice.

Then back at the first hospital I decided I would get better, for no other reason than to finally be able to leave that horrible place.

Then two things were getting severly uncomfortable. I was weighed every week and started noticing significant weight gain. At the same time, I was hungry all the time. painfully hungry, ravenous, even. I basically felt like I was starving all the time but still put on weight. Of course that was because of the high doses of Seroquel, but no one told me. I told nurses, doctors and therapists about the hunger and weight gain, but they simply didn't tell me that was a side effect, they told me an increased appetite was a sign i was getting better. I legit thought I was losing my mind.I have struggled with weight all my life and putting weight on like that made me feel horrible.

Then the doctor decided I was well enough to start taking up school work again. I begged him not to force me to, I told them the pressure of school was the reason I was sick in the first place. Of course no one listened to me. I was forced to do school work even if I knew it wasn't good for me. they didn't care.

Then, after three months of hell, I was finally released. And only because it was Christmas, and my parents refused to leave me there over Christmas. I got a therapist and medication for home.

Then after the Christmas holidays I, against my will, started going to school again. And after about two weeks, my new therapist told me that I had to choose between dropping out of school or going back to the hospital, because school was already making me severely suicidal again. And that was one of the few good things a mental health professional had said to me. I dropped out of school and actually started getting better for real. I sometimes forgot to take my medication, and every time I did, I instanty felt better. I suddenly didn't feel like a tired zombie anymore, I actually had emotions, I felt... alive. So I begged my psychiatrist to let me stop taking medications, and a few months after being released from the hospital, I was free of them.

And everything was great. I got a job, then I volunteered in New Zealand, then, when I was in a more stable place than at 17, I took up school again and graduated with flying colors. I was doing incredibly well.

And then I started university. The first semester went okay, but my mental health quickly started deteriorating. It was the academic pressure again. That's simply something I cannot handle. Soon I started self harming again, and it became more frequent than ever before. I also got into a bad, one might even say toxic, relationship. My girlfriend had issues on her own, but her behavior towards me was often extremely triggering and I very frequently self harmed because of something to do with our relationship. I do not want to blame her for my behavior, but she often made feel worthless, like I was not good enough for her. She would frequently cancel our dates at the last minute, and when she didn't, she would be half an hour late, and when we were together, she didn't make me feel very appreciated either. I was very much in love with her and always blamed myself for everything she did. She once even talked me into having sex with her, when I had said no repeatedly. She did not accept no for an answer and kept pushing until I slept with her to make her shut up. I felt like I didn't have a choice. She didn't force me to, but she simply did not accept my "no". Anyways, it was not her who took the knife to my skin, but she was a big factor in why I did it. I never told her she was a reason for my severe self harm, I didn't want her to feel bad. I didn't hide my wounds fro. her, I mean we did see each other naked and I always had at least four or five big bandages. We just kinda... ignored that.

So then I was getting desperate and decided to get professional help once again. I went to a free psychiatrist from the student councellors and she prescribed me Seroquel once again. I told her I didn't want to take it because it had made me gain a lot of weight and made me very tired. She laughed in my face and told me Seroquel doesn't do that. I don't know if she was just incompetent or lied to me on purpose, because these side effects are experienced by pretty much every single person who takes Seroquel, they are listed in the information leaflet, and I know many people who have taken this medication, all of them had them. During the appointment, she did not even ask me how I was feeling. She prescribed me 200 mg of Seroquel XR. Now, the recommended starting dosage is 50 mg. She prescribed me a starting dosage of four times the recommended amount. Unfortunately, I did not know that back then, I didn't expect a doctor to be that negligent. I took the first 200 mg pill that very evening before going to listen to a debate. Seroquel XR takes a while to kick in, but oh boy did it kick in. I didn't even notice the tiredness that much because I was having severe heart palpitations. My vision was going from normal to black and to normal again all the time. I was dizzy and desoriented and felt my heart was about to jump out of my chest, and sometimes it stopped beating for several seconds. I legit thought I might die in the audience of a debate on ethical farming.

Of course I didn't take the pills the next day and started looking for another psychiatrist. I got an appointment relatively quickly at a private one, it was relatively hopeless to get an appointment with one my insurance would pay, but I thought if she could help me, money wouldn't matter. She prescribed me some stuff that didn't do much harm but also didn't do much good. basically, i was a little tired but that was it. i got a therapist.

About 9 months passed, I had several psychiatrist appointments where I told her the meds didn't do much good, but she never really changed anything. She also insisted that I would get tested for Borderline personality disorder and the psychologist she told me to go to diagnosed me with it. My therapist at the time agreed with me that there was no way in hell that I have BPD, but she also said that when psychiatrists see an adult who self harms, BPD is the only thing that can explain that for them.

Then fall came and a new uni semester started. I had been alright over summer, I had broken up with my girlfriend, but of course with the start of the semester, everything came crashing down.

I lasted a month in university until i impulsively took the whole pack of Seroquel I still had laying around and went to the hospital telling them i was suicidal and also told them what i had done.

Now, I have to say that the nurses in this hospital were absolute angels. They treated my with respect, I almost felt mothered. I was given a lot of activated charcoal and basically had a good night in the hospital. I also got stitches for my freshest self harm injuries, but I had several ones that were too old to be treated that way.

The next morning I was transferred. Can you guess where to? The mental hospital i had been to as a teen. Again, I didn't have a choice.

But overall, the experience at the emergency ward was not as horrible as the first time. I was an adult now and actually treated like a human person. it says a lot about my first experience that I was very surprised by that.

I felt better rather quickly, mostly because the stress factory university was eliminated. The doctor there again insisted that I had BPD even when I said that was ridiculous. They evalued me again and the psychologist came to the conclusion that I had a borderline accentuation, basically borderline borderline.

The emergency ward doctor talked me into treatment at the psychotherapy ward, so I did that for 8 weeks. it was okay, again I was treated way better than as a teen. I was allowed to have an opinion about the medication, I was even allowed to read the little side effect pamphlets. But overall it didn't really do it, I self harmed less but I still self harmed.

During that stay I decided to drop out of university and start an apprenticeship as a baker. I found a company to work for, I loved work, then Corona happened. The company had to shut down. They laid me off after I had only worked there for three weeks. Basically I fell into a hole again, became a depressive husk again.

Then some time passes and a new therapist asked me why I didn't want to go to university anymore, she basically thought i was too intelligent not to. I told her how I could never focus, how I struggled with procrastination, how I couldn't handle the pressure and she recommended that I get assessed for ADHD. Now, I had suspended I had ADHD for years, but I didn't want to bring it up myself. I didn't want to seem like hypochondriac, or an attention whore, and after all, I had told so many people about my struggles and they never suspended ADHD. But I was relieved she brought it up and I had an "excuse" to get assessed. I was professionally diagnosed with ADHD soon after and happily went to my psychiatrist with my brand new diagnosis, I was full of hope that I would finally be "fixed". She basically told me she couldn't help me because she didn't know a lot about adhd. She prescribed me a very low dosage of Strattera (10 mg) and recommend me a specialist. I called the specialist, but they told me they couldn't give me an appointment and I should call in a few months, maybe it would be possible then.

It was july, and over the course of summer I decided I would try university again. Maybe if I was medicated for ADHD, I would actually be able to study. In fall of 2020, I started a brand new program, something very different from what I had done before.

I realized pretty quickly that the Strattera wasn't helping so I found a private ADHD specialist. I was extremely excited for the appointment. Again I thought "I only have to get through these few weeks, then I will finally get proper treatment" I didn't get proper treatment. He prescribed me more Strattera, which didn't help. The next appointment was a month after the first and again, I was excited. I was sure thia time he would fix me. I was sure after that appointment I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But again, despite me saying I wanted to try something different, and that Strattera was not helping at all, he prescribed more Strattera.

Then university was getting really stressful, I had exams before Christmas, I was frustrated about him not listening to me. I started having suicidal thoughts again, I even relapsed with self harm, it had been months since the last time. But I more or less got through it in a piece, I even passed the exams (surprisingly), and was again looking forward to the next psychiatrist appointment after the Christmas vacation.

Strattera wasn't doing nothing, but it was not doing anything helpful. Basically, it made me feel quite relaxed, chill, less stressed. Which sounds good at first. But in order to get anything done, I rely on negative motivation. Basically, if I'm not panicking over possibly failing an exam, I'm just simply not going to study. So Strattera took the tiny bit of self-discipline and motivation that I had away and replaced it with a "idgaf"-attitude.Of course I told the psychiatrist. But can you guess what he did? Bingo, he upped the Strattera dosage. Again.

Then I had a second appointment with a new therapist, an ADHD specialist for adults. I told her how he did not care what I told him about Strattera and she was extremely upset and said that I can't let myself be treated like that. I needed to call him immediately and yell at him until he does something actually useful. I was baffled. I am not a confrontational person at all and I had never even considered actually arguing with a doctor. Yes I know, it sounds stupid in hindsight, but even after all that I had experienced, I still naively thought the professionals know best.

Okay so I called him. unsuccessful. I texted him. he ignored me. He had ignored my texts telling him that I was actually worse even before that last appointment, even though he told me to contact him with any concerns, and said that he prefered texts best, I thought he was maybe busy or something and didn't think much of it, but then he was ignoring my calls and texts. I was basically ghosted by a s

psychiatrist.

Okay I thought, then I'll simply go to someone else. To my suprise I got an appointment really quickly. I knew this wasn't a good sign, because good psychiatrists, if there even are any, don't have appointments free that soon.

But still, I had hope. And was of course disappointed again. I went to her with a professional ADHD diagnosis, but for her, that wasn't good enough. She had the audacity to tell me I needed another diagnosis from her psychologist friend who, by the way, has his office in a town over an hour away. She refused to treat me at all until I got that second diagnosis. Now,. I went to her out of pure desperation, out of knowing I simply could not go on like this any longer. Because I needed treatment quickly. And she told me she wouldn't give me that. I couldn't keep a few tears from escaping my eyea, she noticed and said very condescendingly "you don't have to cry, that's normal procedure". I tried my best to fight the tears, but as soon as I left her office, I started bawling my eyes out in the middle of town

And then I knew I was done. I had tried and tried again to get help, and I had not gotten it, I had not been listened to. Something in me snapped right in front of that office building.

I went home and threw my medication in the trash. Sure, it's bad to quit cold turkey like that, but honestly I don't care. I'm done. I'm done with psychiatry, I'm done with doctors. I have had the patience of a saint, but enough is enough. That was yesterday. And today I flipped a coin, twice, once for the psychiatrist and once for the new therapist. It told me to quit both of them, so I did.

I'm done with the mental health industrial complex. It has not helped me in all those years. I have only been sedated. Fuck psychiatry, fuck psychiatrists. Maybe I am simply meant to be miserable. I'll probably drop out of uni again, I thought I would be able to do it with treatment, but I did not get treatment, and I simply cannot do it this way. I've already attempted suicide because of academic pressure twice. Maybe I'll just have to live a miserable life working a low-paying job until I'm sad enough to finally actually kill myself. I'll probably always be a wreck, but at least I won't be a sedated wreck any longer. I'll be free, until I will be free for real.

Thank you for reading all this. I know it was a lot, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you.

[ginmo]

...This response took me a million years, because there’s so much textbook abuse and mislabeling that I was like where do I even fucking start and how do I come at this. I’m still not happy with my approach but here we go. Sorry. This is going to be long. 

Why do people abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship. [x]

Abuse is habitual. Everyone on the planet has either intentionally or unintentionally done an abusive act, emotionally or physically, in one of their relationships at some point in their life, but that doesn’t mean that relationship was abusive or that the pair was mutually abusive.

It’s also not uncommon for an abusive relationship to have a degree of abuse from both parties involved. Many victims will unconsciously do something abusive as an attempt to bring balance to the relationship and gain some control, but those incidents are isolated and not “habitual,” which puts them in the overall victim category. 

In this abusive relationship: 

Jaime is the main victim. Cersei is the main abuser. There’s nothing “mutual” about it.

“lmaoooo Jaime CHOSE to be in this relationship”

I’m aware that GRRM probably intended Jaime to totally jump in 100% by his choice, but that doesn’t change the fact that literally every person in an abusive relationship appears to have chosen to remain in that relationship. Hell, I knew my abuser was abusive before I even got into a relationship with him, but I did it anyway because, man, he was charming and persuasive. He unconsciously used that charm, manipulation, and seduction to keep me hooked while chipping away at my identity. Victims of abuse all have a choice, in theory, but the reality of it is messy, because there’s manipulation at play and a great degree of delusion.

Cersei is guilty of narcissistic abuse. 

It’s perfectly valid to view Cersei as a narcissist. She obviously isn’t diagnosed with anything, but I’m reading her as a textbook narcissist so… let’s play. Before I dive into all the abuse, I’m going to dig into Cersei’s narcissism, because it plays into the interpretation of their dynamic. 

“You can argue, well, does she genuinely love her children, or does she just love them because they’re her children? There’s certainly a great level of narcissism in Cersei. She has an almost sociopathic view of the world and civilization.” (Also look up: malignant narcissism and sociopathy)

GRRM then immediately makes a comparison to Jaime, contrasting their abilities to love. 

“At the same time, what Jaime did is interesting.”

He goes on to describe Jaime’s action of pushing Bran, implying he did it out of genuine love for others (since he used the word genuinely for Cersei and then compared). [x]

“LMAO BUT JAIME IS A NARCISSIST TOO” 

No lmfao. Someone can appear narcissistic at times and swing on that spectrum, but that doesn’t make them a narcissist or show they have “a great level of narcissism.” One of the main defining characteristics of a narcissist is a lack of empathy. I’m not even going to dig up all of the empathy examples, because the above comparison from GRRM should be enough to tell you he isn’t writing Jaime as a narcissist and going that route would take this way off topic. Just… read his chapters lol. You don’t even have to get far into his POVs to see empathy and how his thought process is intentionally written to be different than Cersei’s. 

Anyway, my level of sympathy for Cersei is entirely wrapped around her narcissism. To me, what’s sad here is the idea she can’t experience true intimacy and is completely unaware of it. She loves Jaime, and I truly believe she believes she loves Jaime, but in reality it’s only at the capacity that narcissism allows. 

Narcissistic Abuse: 

“Narcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that shame.

Many of the narcissist’s coping mechanisms are abusive — hence the term, “narcissistic abuse.” [x]

I mean… that’s kinda sad? I feel for her in that sense, but, as the article says, “Abuse is abuse, no matter the abuser’s diagnosis.” 

Needs to Look Like Her

There are several examples of Cersei commenting on his changed appearance and how she doesn’t like it. That isn’t too weird, since people have their own personal preferences and hey, maybe she just doesn't like beards? But no. That’s not the case. She doesn’t like the changes, because it means he looks less like her. It 100% is about Jaime being male Cersei - an extension of herself. 

“Nor did Jaime help her mood when he turned up all in white and still unshaven, to tell her how he meant to keep her son from being poisoned. - AFFC

“his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don’t look as much like Cersei this way. She’ll hate that.” - ASOS

(and lol so tempted to go into how Jaime’s facial hair is symbolic of his identity shift and how that relates to the separation with his twin). 

“Jaime likes looking like Cersei too”

Oh does he? If that’s still so then why isn’t he shaving his beard for her? 

Has he ever been disgusted by her looks? Does he ever look at siblings and get irritated if he thinks they look more alike? When he noticed his change in appearance did he think, “I hate that we look different” or did he think, “Cersei will hate that”...? (Also, when he thinks that he would be Cersei in fucking ASOS - *pre-handchop which is pre-arc-* that’s a laughably obvious set up for the identity aspect of his arc with that belief being destroy, you dense- ...*deep breath* moving on)

I’m sure he romanticized the looks to an extent, but it’s been made clear that it’s far more important to Cersei than it is to him, since she often makes note of his change in appearance. This is even shown in a scene where Cersei is observing Loras and Margaery and getting annoyed that they look more like twins than she and Jaime do. 

For some context, Cersei was watching them dance.

“They could be twins, Cersei thought as she watched them. Ser Loras was a year older than his sister, but they had the same big brown eyes, the same thick brown hair falling in lazy ringlets to their shoulders, the same smooth unblemished skin. A ripe crop of pimples would teach them some humility. Loras was taller and had a few wisps of soft brown fuzz on his face, and Margaery had a woman’s shape, but elsewise they were more alike than she and Jaime. 

That annoyed her too. -AFFC”

Narcissistic abuse includes emotional and physical and is used as an umbrella term for the two when they’re done by a narcissist, therefore slightly changing the context of the abuse. 

I’m not going to pretend that GRRM sat down with a sexual narcissist checklist, created from the hours of research through his dinosaur computer, BUT he clearly is aware of basic narcissistic and abusive dynamics. It’s… really not that hard. And even if you don’t think he consciously did it, her behaviors are still aligned.

“LmAo CeRsEi’S ‘EvIL VaGiNa’ - MiSoGyNiStS!”

…manipulation through sex is an actual fucking thing that’s genderless.

Right lmfao this is going to be long.

“A sexual narcissist is a person who uses sex as a tool to emotionally manipulate their victims to get what they want.”

People admit that she uses sex as a tool to get stuff done, claiming its her form of power in the patriarchy. What they fail to consider is that Cersei does this frequently to Jaime - a person who is meant to be her lover - which… makes him a victim of narcissistic abuse. Don’t believe me? 

I’m going to be using this article to break apart sexual narcissism. If you want more just research. They all pretty much say the same thing, but I chose this one because I prefer the structure. The article breaks examples into categories: 

Sex is used to manipulate/persuade

Excessive focus on physical over emotional

You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs

Constantly Puts You Down

Reacts Negatively When You Don’t Give Them What They Want

Treats You Poorly / Neglects You After Sex

Infidelity, Violence, and Sexual Addiction  

This whole post has been a nightmare to organize. Tbh most of the examples I’ll use fall under MULTIPLE categories. The scenes are like fucking Russian dolls of abuse. Or like… Abuse Inception. Abuse within abuse within abuse, so I had to just pick and choose which ones to put where. 

Charming and Romantic – But with a Catch 

“Many sexual narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship, when they’re trying to win you over. Like a master salesperson, they use charisma to get your attention, flattery to make you feel special, seduction (flirting, gifts, dinners, get-aways, etc.) to lift you off your feet, and persuasion to get you to give them what they want. Some sexual narcissists are very good in bed (at least they think they are), for sex is used as a tool to impress, entrap, and manipulate.

While there’s absolutely nothing wrong inherently with being charming, romantic, and a good lover, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only what he wants to extract from you (often to fulfill an inner emptiness due to the inability to create true intimacy).”

You can even find some meta that almost word for word says what’s described above, but they erase her doing this to Jaime - her partner- and frame these actions as feminist lol. 

Eel Alley. 

“But,” Jaime said, “there’s Casterly Rock …” 

“Is it a rock you want? Or me?” 

She then starts to seduce him to show him what he can have, to have the scale weigh in her favor. Manipulation through sex.

“He remembered that night as if it were yesterday. They spent it in an old inn on Eel Alley, well away from watchful eyes. Cersei had come to him dressed as a simple serving wench, which somehow excited him all the more. Jaime had never seen her more passionate. Every time he went to sleep, she woke him again. By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest.” - AFFC

There's no indication whatsoever that Jaime had any intent to NOT wed and be Lord of Casterly Rock. He wasn’t really into Lysa but he never straight up refused to take on the role he was born into. In fact, he even kinda fancied Catelyn lol.

“Lord Hoster kept me for a fortnight whilst mulling his reply, and sat me beside his daughter Lysa at every meal.” 

“Small wonder you took the white. I’d have done the same.” 

“Oh, Lysa was not so fearsome as all that.” She had been a pretty girl, in truth; dimpled and delicate, with long auburn hair. Timid, though. Prone to tongue-tied silences and fits of giggles, with none of Cersei’s fire. Her older sister had seemed more interesting, though Catelyn was promised to some northern boy, the heir of Winterfell …”

And lol

“but at that age, no girl interested Jaime half so much as Hoster’s famous brother, who had won renown fighting the Ninepenny Kings upon the Stepstones.” - AFFC

He doesn’t even say, “but at that age, no girl interested Jaime so much as Cersei.” No. The Blackfish. Had Catelyn been unbetrothed, it’s not a stretch to think that Jaime would have been entertained by the idea of their betrothal. This was before Cersei seduced him at Eel Alley.

“hE GaVe HiS ConSenT”

Yeah, after she manipulated him through sex LOL. IT’S RIGHT THERE. 

“Jaime always wanted to join the KG!” 

“He had joined the Kingsguard for love, of course”.-ASOS

(HEY! Just like that tall, blonde, “beauty” he’s been hanging out with HHMM)

He wasn’t going to join the KG before Cersei gave him “love,” which is why he was asking about Casterly Rock and talking about Tywin, as if this was an idea he hadn’t thought of before. (Knight and KG are not synonymous). He joined “for love” AFTER she gave him intimacy, showing him what he could have if he agreed to stay by her side forever. 

She even murdered Melara -HER FRIEND- for saying she wanted to marry Jaime one day. She kept trying to rob Jaime of a life outside of her, and yes I use the word “rob,” because it was through narcissistic abuse. She literally turned up the passion and kept waking him up with sex until he gave his consent. 

And “by morning” Casterly Rock was “a small price to pay.” A SMALL PRICE TO PAY. That means it was worth something of value to him and then “by morning,” after she woke him up over and over and over until he agreed, it became a “small price.” 

Also keep in mind that when Cersei was begging Jaime to join the KG to be close to her, she was legitimately crushing hard on Rhaegar not long before... she’s allowed to fantasize about marriage with Rhaegar, but Jaime isn’t allowed to fit his role and marry?

“once she had drawn a picture of herself flying behind Rhaegar on a dragon, her arms wrapped tight about his chest. When Jaime had discovered it she told him it was Queen Alysanne and King Jaehaerys. [...] By night the prince played his silver harp and made her weep. When she had been presented to him, Cersei had almost drowned in the depths of his sad purple eyes. He has been wounded, she recalled thinking, but I will mend his hurt when we are wed. Next to Rhaegar, even her beautiful Jaime had seemed no more than a callow boy. The prince is going to be my husband, she had thought, giddy with excitement, and when the old king dies I’ll be the queen.” -AFFC

Like… fuck… 

Later on, when Jaime is developing into his own being and becoming aware of the bs, the Eel Alley scene is brought up again.

“Cersei.” He spoke slowly, like a man waking from a dream, still wondering where he was. “What hour is it?” 

“The hour of the wolf.” His sister lowered her hood, and made a face. “The drowned wolf, perhaps.” She smiled for him, so sweetly.” 

There’s the use of charm. Normally you could argue that she was honestly happy to see him. But what does she say next and what does he associate with that encounter? 

“Do you remember the first time I came to you like this? It was some dismal inn off Weasel Alley, and I put on servant’s garb to get past Father’s guards.”

 “I remember. It was Eel Alley.” She wants something of me. “Why are you here, at this hour? What would you have of me?” His last word echoed up and down the sept, mememememememememememe, fading to a whisper. For a moment he dared to hope that all she wanted was the comfort of his arms.”

And he wasn’t wrong. She did want something from him. So no. It’s not in his head. 

“Jaime, Kevan has refused me. He will not serve as Hand [...] “You must be Tommen’s Hand.” -AFFC

This time he realizes what she’s doing. Using her outfit, she’s causing a recall to a past manipulative event that worked, exposing her intent, which is why Jaime immediately recognizes it as something she wants from him. This also implies that he now views their encounter at Eel Alley as Cersei wanting something of him since the two encounters were directly associated.

Here’s another moment of manipulation by a sexual narcissist.

“My sister wanted the girl to lose a hand. The old penalty, for striking one of the blood royal. Robert told her she was cruel and mad. They fought for half the night … well, Cersei fought, and Robert drank. Past midnight, the queen summoned me inside.”

Failing to get Robert to side with her and do something, she then summoned Jaime to give him the attention she knows he wants. You see where I’m going here?

“The king was passed out snoring on the Myrish carpet. I asked my sister if she wanted me to carry him to bed. She told me I should carry her to bed, and shrugged out of her robe. I took her on Raymun Darry’s bed after stepping over Robert. If His Grace had woken I would have killed him there and then. He would not have been the first king to die upon my sword … but you know that story, don’t you?” He slashed at a tree branch, shearing it in half. “As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, ‘I want.’ I thought that she meant me, but it was the Stark girl that she wanted, maimed or dead.” The things I do for love. - AFFC

This isn’t Jaime interpreting the incident incorrectly. This is character growth. 

GRRM is speaking through Jaime by destroying the illusion and becoming aware of the reality he has been living. Because the lights are turning on for him, the things I do for love can take on a new meaning here. It’s more like the things I do to earn intimacy. He’s jogging down memory lane and realizing that every time (shown or told about in the books) she approached him she was trying to get something from him or trying to get him to agree with her. There was always a motive apart from a genuine desire to give and receive love, no strings attached. 

Excessive Focus on Physical Over Emotional 

“The sexual narcissist’s style of love-making is often focused on appearance and image, with a keen dislike for flaws and weaknesses from oneself or the partner. The love-making is less about two human beings connecting, and more about measuring up to idealized expectations. Try as the sexual narcissist might at physical grandiosity, there’s inevitably something missing in their performance: genuine human emotions.”

Mm yes.Going back to this as an example:

“his face was thinner, with hollows under his eyes and lines he did not remember. I don’t look as much like Cersei this way. She’ll hate that.” - ASOS

“The Targaryens wed brother to sister for three hundred years, to keep the bloodlines pure. And Jaime and I are more than brother and sister. We are one person in two bodies. We shared a womb together. He came into this world holding my foot, our old maester said. When he is in me, I feel … whole.” - AGOT

“I need you. I need my other half.” He could hear the rain pattering against the windows high above. “You are me, I am you. I need you with me. In me. Please, Jaime. Please.” - AFFC

People use Cersei’s romanticized twin comments as evidence to show that she genuinely loves Jaime. This also can connect to the GRRM quote mentioned above about her genuine love capabilities which can be argued as “lol no”. 

She does not have “genuine human emotions,” because her words and feelings are from a narcissistic desire to be whole through the idea that Jaime is an extension of herself. So… yeah, if she thinks Jaime is herself as a male (“you are me, I am you”), then she’s missing half of her until he’s inside her, making her whole. Her, her, her, her. 

Also, that’s a move to try to strip him of his own identity, his own person, and is a fucking massive red flag that this is how the relationship began. Does he ever try to persuade her to do shit by reminding her that they’re the same person? Like ffs. 

She does this while trying to manipulate him using sex. He’s not listening to her, so she begs him to be inside her. Hey, why not? We’ve seen this work before. 

“Every time he went to sleep, she woke him again. By morning Casterly Rock seemed a small price to pay to be near her always. He gave his consent, and Cersei promised to do the rest.” - ASOS

You Exist to Serve the Narcissist’s Needs. 

“After the initial courtship period during which he or she tries to impress and please, a sexual narcissist may begin to demand that you cater primarily to his own selfish needs. He may expect you to be “on call”

Okay I bolded that “on call” bit, because she does go to him when she wants something, and then gets hella mad when he refuses. But I know some people will use this to be like BuT JaImE TaKeS hEr WhEn He WaNts and like.. Yeah, fair enough, you can make that argument, but… that’s leaving out context. He goes to her because she’s withholding intimacy and only initiates when she wants something from him. I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say it does fit. Remember what I said in the beginning that it’s not uncommon for victims to act in ways that are problematic (hate that word) to try to get back some control? Yeah. Apply this here. His unhealthy response is a reaction to her using intimacy as a tool.

“and satisfy sexual desires at his pleasure, require you to engage in sexual acts which only he enjoys [doesn’t really apply], or demand that you limit your other activities to be more available. Rather than being an individual with your own thoughts, feelings and priorities. The sexual narcissist expects you to exist merely as an extension of his or her wishes. ” 

Cersei resents Jaime for disagreeing with her and thinking on his own. Literally the “you are me” bs and how she gets really angry when he begins to challenge her and goes against her wishes. She views him as someone who needs to cater to her, All he’s doing for her to slap and throw nasty words and cups at him is just... not doing what she asks him to do... his existence in Cersei’s life is simply to cater to her. 

Constantly Puts You Down 

“In order to put up a facade of superiority, and disguise hidden insecurity and inadequacy, some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability. In a sexual relationship, some (but not all) narcissists may also target their partners for ridicule, blame, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization. By subjecting the partner to an inferior psychological position, the narcissist is able to exercise a greater degree of dominance and manipulation.” 

I mean… Do I really need to provide examples here? This is actually similar to the next one, so I’m going to put my examples there.

Reacts Negatively When You Don’t Give Them What They Want

“Since many sexual narcissists can't stand disappointment or rejection, they will frequently react negatively when you don’t give them what they want, in the way they want it. Some of the common responses include:

Anger – Tantrum. Negative judgment. Personal attacks. Ridicule.

Passive-Aggression – The cold shoulder. The silent treatment. Withhold of love and affection [which ties in to withholding intimacy examples I provided above]. Sarcasm. Calculated separation.

Emotional Coercion – Blame. Guilt trip. Calling the partner ungrateful. Threaten to withhold love and intimacy (such as it is). Pretend narcissistic victimhood.

None of these responses are those of a mature, reasonable adult. The sexual narcissist, by acting like a petulant child or a bully, hopes the drama and manipulation will hook you back in, so you’ll once again “belong” to him or her.”

Some of this is physical abuse too, so I’m sticking those under here. And yes, slapping counts as physical abuse and it doesn’t matter who the hell does it.

“Rule? I said naught of ruling. I shall rule until my son comes of age.” 

“I don’t know who I pity more,” her brother said. “Tommen, or the Seven Kingdoms.” She slapped him. Jaime’s arm rose to catch the blow, cat-quick … but this cat had a cripple’s stump in place of a right hand. Her fingers left red marks on his cheek. - AFFC

Keep in mind that every time Jaime’s reflex goes to his face to block a blow it’s a sign that this is a behavior he’s used to. Sometimes people use the, “I don’t know who I pity more” line as well for “mutual abuse.” Context and… where’s the lie? Lmao. 

Most of the time he’s being straight with her. Snarky ass? Sure. Abusive? No. Intent is key. She puts him down to shame him and attempts to decrease his self-worth. This is a control move, because she throws cruel words at him when she is unsuccessful in getting what she wants. He sometimes calls her a fool and one time asks if she’s drunk or stupid, because she’s legit spiraling into a paranoia and he’s going wtf lol. He’s not trying to make her dependent on him through the use of his poor language. 

Anyway, back to physical.

Jaime felt his anger rising. “True, Loras does not leer at your teats the way Ser Osmund does, but I hardly think—” 

“Think about this.” Cersei slapped his face. Jaime made no attempt to block the blow. 

“I see I need a thicker beard, to cushion me against my queen’s caresses.” He wanted to rip her gown off and turn her blows to kisses. He’d done it before, back when he had two good hands.”

People love to use this against Jaime. Ffs. He’s literally trying to fucking defend himself from physical abuse by trying to diffuse the situation through sex, turning “blows to kisses.” This is one of those messy situations where it’s a victim trying to gain back control in an unhealthy, arguably abusive way. Does that make them anywhere near “mutually” abusive as if they’re 50/50? LMFAO no.

“Would Your Grace honor her white knight with a dance?” She gave him a withering look. “And have you fumbling at me with that stump? No. I will let you fill my wine cup for me, though. If you think you can manage it without spilling.” - AFFC

She turns him down with her disgust over his missing hand and then allows him to fill her cup I- 

“Get out, I said. I am sick of looking at that ugly stump of yours. Get out!” To speed him on his way, she heaved her wine cup at his head. She missed, but Jaime took the hint.” - AFFC

Alright this big one… 

WST:

“You mustn’t let Father take him from me. Jaime, please. 

“I can talk to him, but he will not listen …” 

“He will if you agree to leave the Kingsguard.” 

“I’m not leaving the Kingsguard.” His sister fought back tears. 

“Jaime, you’re my shining knight. You cannot abandon me when I need you most! He is stealing my son, sending me away … and unless you stop him, Father is going to force me to wed again!” 

Guilt tripping and playing up the loving language. 

Also, off topic, but I just want to point out that it’s funny Cersei came to him in Eel Alley to persuade him to join the KG to be with her. Jaime said they can’t get Tywin’s approval, so then she fucks him all night and he agrees. They played as lovers before that moment, but that was the night that sealed their affair to one another, to remove himself off the market and stay by her side forever. In this scene, she’s coming to him to ask him to LEAVE the KG, knowing Tywin would approve, and when he’s questioning the idea she tries to have sex with him, BUT he refuses her so her plan doesn’t work, making this moment the solid beginning of their downfall lmao. The opposite of Eel Alley. 

“It makes no matter who they wed me to, I want you at my side, I want you in my bed, I want you inside me. Nothing has changed between us.” 

Increasing the level of manipulation through intimacy since her previous persuasive strategy wasn’t working.

“Let me prove it to you.” She pushed up his tunic and began to fumble with the laces of his breeches. Jaime felt himself responding. 

“No,” he said, “not here.” They had never done it in White Sword Tower, much less in the Lord Commander’s chambers. “Cersei, this is not the place.” 

“You took me in the sept. This is no different.”

She drew out his cock and bent her head over it. Jaime pushed her away with the stump of his right hand. “No. Not here, I said.” He forced himself to stand. For an instant he could see confusion in her bright green eyes, and fear as well. Then rage replaced it.

Angry reaction due to refusal of sex. Childish reaction from not getting what she wants which quickly turns into bullying.

Cersei gathered herself together, got to her feet, straightened her skirts. “Was it your hand they hacked off in Harrenhal, or your manhood?” As she shook her head, her hair tumbled around her bare white shoulders. “I was a fool to come. You lacked the courage to avenge Joffrey, why would I think that you’d protect Tommen? Tell me, if the Imp had killed all three of your children, would that have made you wroth?” 

Lol people thinking she was there to hang out with him. She admits to only being in there to ask something of him. “I was a fool to come.” Don’t miss out on the angry, nasty response because she was rejected and couldn’t use her favorite go-to manipulation tactic. 

“You great golden fool. He’s lied to you a thousand times, and so have I.” [...]

“You had best go, Cersei. You’re making me angry.” 

“Oh, an angry cripple. How terrifying.” She laughed. “A pity Lord Tywin Lannister never had a son. I could have been what he wanted, but I lacked the cock. And speaking of such, best tuck yours away, brother. It looks rather sad and small, hanging from your breeches like that.” 

She’s trying to establish superiority by attempting to break him down, using his disability against him and attacking his manhood. 

More?

“Gold? Or silver?” Cersei plucked a hair from beneath his chin and held it up. It was grey. “All the color is draining out of you, brother. You’ve become a ghost of what you were, a pale crippled thing. And so bloodless, always in white.” She flicked the hair away. “I prefer you garbed in crimson and gold.” - AFFC

I mean…I think that’s enough. 

 lol jk 

“Tell him what has happened, and write … write …” 

“Yes, Your Grace?” She licked her lips, shivering. “Come at once. Help me. Save me. I need you now as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.” 

“As you command. ‘I love you’ thrice?” 

“Thrice.” She had to reach him. “He will come. I know he will. He must. Jaime is my only hope.” 

“My queen,” said Qyburn, “have you … forgotten? Ser Jaime has no sword hand. If he should champion you and lose …” 

We will leave this world together, as we once came into it. “He will not lose. Not Jaime. Not with my life at stake.” - AFFC

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

SHE

FUCKING

THOUGHT

ABOUT 

HOW TO WORD IT

TO GET HIM TO COME BACK

SHE CONSCIOUSLY, FORMULATED A PLAN TO WRITE “I LOVE YOU” 

SPECIFICALLY THREE TIMES 

TO “REACH HIM.” 

SHE. LITERALLY. ADMITS. TO MANIPULATING HIM. THROUGH EMOTIONS. 

“Come at once,” she said. “Help me. Save me. I need you now as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.”

 Vyman was hovering by the door, waiting, and Jaime sensed that Peck was watching too. “Does my lord wish to answer?” the maester asked, after a long silence. A snowflake landed on the letter. As it melted, the ink began to blur. Jaime rolled the parchment up again, as tight as one hand would allow, and handed it to Peck.

 “No,” he said. “Put this in the fire.”-AFFC

And Jaime had so much character growth by that point that IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK LMAO. Her game isn’t working anymore. And not only is she trying to manipulate him through loving words, she’s also NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT HIS LIFE OUTSIDE OF HERSELF, because she’s acknowledging that if she’s going down then she’s taking him with her. T

he loving thing to do would be, “Jaime, I won’t allow you to be my champion. You’re missing your good hand and can’t win. I don’t want to be the one to cause your death.” But Cersei never gave a shit about his life outside of her so... not a shocker. (Also I just lmao that around the same time Cersei is trying to get Jaime to come back for his death sentence, Brienne is out there willing to literally hang by a noose to save him. Great contrast.)

On to Jaime… 

I did a bit of research to see why the fuck people think Jaime is abusive towards Cersei. Almost all of the examples involve their type of sex play, his thoughts (WHAT LMAO), and… not understanding the difference between toxicity and abuse. Abuse is always toxic, but toxicity isn’t always abusive. 

I’ve been in both an abusive and toxic relationship and the difference was that my partner in the toxic one wasn’t trying to establish constant control through various different methods. He wasn’t using me for his own gain or trying to make me feel like garbage about myself. He didn’t become physical when I went against him. In my non-abuse toxic one, we were like each other’s “drug.” Extreme highs and lows, propping each other up on a pedestal, losing ourselves within the relationship by wrapping our happiness around the other. The twins are definitely toxic, mutually, but some of Jaime’s unhealthy behaviors are confused with abuse and, ironically, his more questionable actions stem from Cersei’s abuse on him. 

Quoting this again since it’s like a million pages up:

Why do people abuse?

Domestic violence and abuse stem from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partners, and they may enjoy the feeling that exerting power gives them. They often believe that their own feelings and needs should be the priority in their relationships, so they use abusive tactics to dismantle equality and make their partners feel less valuable and deserving of respect in the relationship. [x]

There is a difference between UNHEALTHY/TOXIC and ABUSIVE. 

Don’t come at me about the patriarchy being the reason why Cersei can’t be abusive towards Jaime (yes… I’ve actually seen that hot take). Within their own personal dynamic, Cersei has power over Jaime just by the nature of him being in the KG. She literally uses her position to tell him where to go and what to do, and even oversteps her boundaries sometimes by giving orders for him. 

As stated above, she manipulated him into joining the KG with implied promises of being together always. She then had affairs behind his back, used intimacy to persuade him, and cruelly put him down when he didn’t want to do the things she asked of him. That’s Cersei trying to maintain control of their dynamic. This is a “pattern of behavior” that dates back to at least Eel Alley. 

Unhealthy/Toxic

There isn’t a clear line when a relationship becomes unhealthy or abusive. This means it might be hard to figure out what kind of relationship you’re in. Remember that abuse is all about power and control. An unhealthy relationship might involve a power imbalance, being mean, ignoring boundaries [x]

Unhealthy behaviors can appear to be abusive behaviors, and certain toxic acts can turn into abusive over time, but they’re not the same thing.

For Jaime’s side of the “abuse,” he falls more often into the “unhealthy” category. I’m going to respond to a meta I came across recently.

“Jaime has channelled all his sexual desire into Cersei for most of his life (even thinking “I’ve been too long away from Cersei” when he experiences some arousal upon seeing Brienne naked), and that is not something one partner should put upon another. He judges the attractiveness of other women in reference to Cersei: Brienne, once, and Hildy the sex worker in ADWD. Cersei is a person, not a standard of idealised beauty.”

People twist the entire context to make him appear to be somehow abusive in a situation that actually…. sounds like a victim. Cersei wants that level of devotion from Jaime (and so do some of her stans), which is literally exactly why they don’t think Jaime and Brienne are a love story and why Cersei is like LMAO HER? Jaime would never leave me for that creature! SHE’S UGLY. 

She lived her whole life knowing that Jaime only had eyes for her, and the irony of “not a standard of idealised beauty” is that Cersei wants to be the standard of idealised beauty. He’s not “putting” anything on her. He’s reflecting what she wants and what has been reinforced since childhood. 

Besides that, I don’t see why it’s so wrong for Jaime to think Cersei is the most beautiful woman on the planet lol. And way to miss the entire fucking point, because the point is that YEAH, their entire relationship is superficial. Superficiality is unhealthy to an extent, but it’s not “abusive.” Jaime has only been with one woman his entire life and now he’s finally starting to encounter women away from his sister, so of course he’s going to compare. It’s like if you never left your town but one day decided to venture out into the world outside of it. You’re going to compare the buildings, the culture, etc because your mind is going to be expanding. 

“ Until late in ASoS, he does not value his Kingsguard vows except as they allow him to be close to her. (Again, mutually abusive relationship; Cersei’s actions were vital in getting him into this position where he has nothing but her.)”

HOW IS THIS ABUSIVE ON JAIME’S END? And I already discussed how she manipulated him into that situation with Casterly Rock being something of value to him. 

“Cersei has no meaningful relationships with anyone or anything outside of Jaime and her children. This is bad for both of them. So much of their emotional energy goes into each other, fostering the sense that they are not independent, whole people, and reinforcing the sense that the relationship is the only thing of value in their lives.”

Yeah! It is! And since Jaime is in the KG because Cersei convinced him to join, and she literally murdered her friend because the girl expressed wanting to marry Jaime, I WONDER WHY JAIME HAS NO FUCKING LIFE OUTSIDE OF CERSEI? As for Cersei, she CHOOSES to limit herself to Lannisters. Jaime isn’t forcing her to not have friends what the actual fuck. Cersei murders her friends lmfao. 

This is unhealthy, not abusive, on Jaime’s end. HE isn’t the one “fostering the sense that they are not independent, whole people.” As explained above, CERSEI is the one repeating this over and over, using it to convince him, to control, to attempt to rob him of his identity when he tries to stray. So on Cersei’s end, yeah, that’s abuse.

“For all his idealisation of her and their relationship, Jaime’s trust in Cersei is also a very brittle thing. When Tyrion tells Jaime “she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know,” while still believing Cersei’s declaration that Tyrion has “lied to you a thousand times, and so have I” was “a clumsy attempt to hurt him,” he doesn’t do what someone in a healthy relationship would do, and ask her. Whatever trust he has in her vanishes in two sentences, one about Cersei’s honesty, one about her fidelity.”

And… his… lack of trust was justified anyway? LMAO. He even thinks at some point that Tyrion IS lying. And when he’s away from Cersei in ASOS, he doesn’t imagine her fucking other people while he’s gone, because he trusted her. He genuinely believes that she’s faithful to him (which is precisely why he felt so betrayed). But he also trusts Tyrion, so he went back and forth, wondering wtf was the truth.

AND HOW THE FUCK IS LACK OF TRUST ABUSIVE? This is another case of IT’S UNHEALTHY to have little to no trust in your relationship. Not abusive ffs (!!!)

“Jaime is abusive because he coerces her into sex”

BTW, a person who laughed at me and said this also is a huge twincest shipper which… why… do you… romanticize it and claim their love to be True.. If… you think… he does that?!

Pretty much everyone brings up “sexual coercion.” And you know what? Fair. 

But... Jaime and Cersei are drawn to a messy push-pull sex play. She says no and then “weakley” pushes him away. 

There were soft, wet sounds. Bran realized they were kissing. He watched, wide-eyed and frightened, his breath tight in his throat. The man had a hand down between her legs, and he must have been hurting her there, because the woman started to moan, low in her throat. “Stop it,” she said, “stop it, stop it. Oh, please …” But her voice was low and weak, and she did not push him away. Her hands buried themselves in his hair, his tangled golden hair, and pulled his face down to her breast. -AGOT

This is GRRM trying to clarify that this is their messy sex dynamic. I mean, he has a fucking little kid observe this all “oh hey but she isn’t pushing him away guys! It’s all good, guys! That’s just them!” Like he’s taking down notes. The 4th wall being broken here is almost jarring. 

This sounds a lot like the scene at WF. 

“No,” she said weakly when his lips moved down her neck, “not here. The septons …” 

“The Others can take the septons.” He kissed her again, kissed her silent, kissed her until she moaned. Then he knocked the candles aside and lifted her up onto the Mother’s altar, pushing up her skirts and the silken shift beneath. She pounded on his chest with feeble fists, murmuring about the risk, the danger, about their father, about the septons, about the wrath of gods. He never heard her. He undid his breeches and climbed up and pushed her bare white legs apart. One hand slid up her thigh and underneath her smallclothes. When he tore them away, he saw that her moon’s blood was on her, but it made no difference. “Hurry,” she was whispering now, “quickly, quickly, now, do it now, do me now. Jaime Jaime Jaime.” Her hands helped guide him. “Yes,” Cersei said as he thrust, “my brother, sweet brother, yes, like that, yes, I have you, you’re home now, you’re home now, you’re home.” She kissed his ear and stroked his short bristly hair. Jaime lost himself in her flesh. He could feel Cersei’s heart beating in time with his own, and the wetness of blood and seed where they were joined. - ASOS

In both scenes she’s weakly protesting which implies it’s a form of their sex play, and she’s being turned on by him “taking” her. This depiction of sex was actually really trendy in the media not too long ago, so honestly the sex scenes for this “edgey couple” just exposes his age. That push-pull, yes/no, “he can’t resist me” wasn’t nearly as controversial as it is now. He was literally writing what used to be seen as hot. It obviously did not age well. 

And GRRM never meant for Jaime to be interpreted as a rapist.  

"If the show had retained some of Cersei's dialogue from the books, it might have left a somewhat different impression – but that dialogue was very much shaped by the circumstances of the books, delivered by a woman who is seeing her lover again for the first time after a long while apart during which she feared he was dead. I am not sure it would have worked with the new timeline. That's really all I can say on this issue. The scene was always intended to be disturbing … but I do regret if it has disturbed people for the wrong reasons." [x]

“Jaime thinks of her as a whore”

WHY IS THERE A THOUGHT POLICE? How is it abuse that he thinks a word with zero abusive action attached to it?? And like fuck LMAO Cersei is the one that goes off with the word “whore” quite often, in a misogynistic way. 

What’s even stupider is when Jaime thinks of her as a “whore,” he’s just reciting what Tyrion told him, word for word. The words came from Tyrion, so Tyrion’s words are playing out in his mind.

“Cersei is a lying whore, she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know. And I am the monster they all say I am. Yes, I killed your vile son.” - AFFC

Oh, how Tyrion was sniggering.… a lying whore … fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack … - AFFC

And he even removes the whore bit. 

“If so, we might have coaxed the truth from them.” … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Ser Osmund Kettleblack paced beside them in his white enamel plate and white wool cloak. “… she been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know …” - AFFC

Jaime could feel his phantom fingers itching at the sight of him.… fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Strong and vigorous and handsome, Jaime thought.… she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

He wanted to kiss her, carry her to her bedchamber, throw her on the bed … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy … - AFFC

That only made her laugh. “We all have secrets, brother,” she replied. … she’s been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and Moon Boy for all I know … - AFFC

Now there’s this time where he says, 

Jaime gave a shrug. “My apologies if I mistook you for something you’re not. My little brother has known a hundred whores, I’m sure, but I’ve only ever bedded one.” -ADWD

OMG EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING NOW IT’S TIME TO OFFICIALLY STAMP HIM AS A MISOGYNIST AND THIS AS MUTUAL ABUSE towards someone who isn’t even fucking there and for bitterly thinking of his cheating partner as a whore in a world that throws that word around like it’s candy at a parade. 

Since “whore” in Westeros is more loosely thrown around than it is in our world, the incredibly hurt and angry Jaime thinking she’s a whore for sleeping with multiple people behind his back is not that fucking wild. Do I think that's sexist? Yeah. Do I think it’s healthy? No. Do I think it’s a realistic response that a very hurt person would think, especially in a world where it’s a common term? Absolutely. 

“He dreams about hurting her though so lol he’s clearly violent against her”

(yes I’ve unfortunately seen this a lot)

Hey all... I have a confession to make... 

I dreamed about pushing a certain politician in front of a bus and bashing D&D’s teeth in. I also had a dream where I kicked my sister because she ate my last piece of cheesecake. I’m so sorry. Please lock me up and throw away the key until it’s time for me to be executed. 

Last night he dreamed he’d found her fucking Moon Boy. He’d killed the fool and smashed his sister’s teeth to splinters with his golden hand, just as Gregor Clegane had done to poor Pia. -AFFC

… he DREAMED it. 

PEOPLE ARE FUCKING USING THIS AS EVIDENCE FOR MUTUAL ABUSE BECAUSE HE DREAMED IT.  

You know partly why? Because they THINK he’s going to murder her or harm her, so they’re prematurely calling him abusive and removing literally all the context because... IT HASN’T HAPPENED. They’re essentially accusing a man of doing something before he even does it without even knowing FOR SURE if he’s even going to do it, USING THIS DREAM TO ACCUSE HIM LOL. 

god THIS FUCKING FANDOM I- 

DREAMS. ARE NOT. ABUSE

I’mcryingwhydoIhavetosaythat

Not only is it in a dream, but like, idk, why do you think he’s having those violent dreams? Did she do something to really hurt him so his pain is manifesting in his subconscious as violence? IDK just a wild guess! Maybe he specifically thought about smashing her teeth in, because just previously they were speaking about how Ser Gregor did the same thing to Pia. You know... kinda like me dreaming about angrily pushing my cheating ex down the stairs after I watched a murder mystery documentary where someone was pushed down a flight of stairs. (Oh but my ex was a man, so it’s just viewed as a dream). 

… the cringe of the thought police... 

Yeah. I’m done. I didn’t even dig up all of Cersei’s instances of abuse and this thing is like fucking 20 pages long. So even IF you view Jaime’s thoughts (!!!!) as abusive and IF you believe he was full on coercing or raping her, they still aren’t nearly MUTUALLY abusive, as in 50/50 abuse, and I’m just going to circle back around to what I said in the beginning about the main victims reacting in problematic ways. 

Anyway. I always start these as calm and cool and then end with all caps and a glass of wine to chill me out. All I have left to say about whatever that “mutually abusive” meta was is

[wxldchxld]

Life Update/Vent

I’m not taking an official hiatus, I just wanted to kinda talk about where I’m at currently and what all has been going on in my life.

I’m having a really hard time keeping track of my threads currently. And while I know a lot of your responses will be like “use a thread tracker” or draft everything that’s just not... plausible atm. I don’t have the emotional spoons for that kind of task and it’s honestly really overwhelming, and even when I attempt to get people to tell me what threads we’re missing only about three people respond to me, which makes it even harder for me to get my shit together. And that’s not a blame thing, I just get really easily distracted and even looking for old threads can be next to impossible. Again, no one’s fault but my own, but it is where I’m at right now.

And I’m gonna put the rest of this under a cut. Just kind of telling y’all what is going on in my life and why writing is hard right now in case you’re interested or you’re thinking my lack of engagement is about a lack of desire to interact.

So I knew at the start of the summer I was going to go for some pretty intensive psychoanalytical testing. Over the years of working with autistic students, I noticed a lot of similar behavior patterns in myself. Issues with social interaction, sensory processing, emotional regulation, etc. After much reassurance from my therapist I agreed to go in for formal psychological testing. I came to her with my suspicions and got very lucky in scheduling.

Right out of the gate my summer was filled with anxiety about what was going to happen and how things would go at the intake, and then after the intake was done my anxiety ramped up about the testing. The testing was extremely emotionally taxing. It took hours and was very repetitive and just overall didn’t make me feel good about myself. I felt like every time they repeated a question about depression or anxiety that I was falling even deeper into the pit of self loathing. But I told myself that if these tests could help me get extended insurance coverage for therapy and some correct medication then all of it would be worth it. Well then before I even had the chance to recover from the experience of testing, I found myself getting extremely anxious about the results of the test and if I’d messed anything up. Not to mention during this time my family from out of town was here for nearly two weeks, and I had to do a hands on crisis management training (where I had to touch and be touched a LOT).

So honestly, while I haven’t being doing a lot from day to day this summer, emotionally I’ve had so much going on that if I’m not in near tears from anxiety I’ve gone completely numb and can’t get out of bed.

Today I got the results for my testing and I just have a lot of mixed feelings about it. I found out that the woman testing me (who I thought was just passing time on her phone ignoring me) was actually watching me the whole time and taking notes on me and while I think the report was meant to sound clinical there was some language in it that kind of feels untrue and dismissive. At one point it says I blame a lot of my issues on my parents. Which isn’t false, but it is weird language when I have years of documented treatment for chronic PTSD due to childhood abuse from those parents. 

They also took away my diagnosis for OCD and Idk how I’m going to wrap my head around that. I’ve had this diagnosis for years and I feel like it really accurately describes me and my experiences. And the clinician flat out told me that the tests strongly indicated toward obsessive compulsive disorder as well as obsessive compulsive personality disorder, but that she didn’t put that in her diagnosis because “I already had 4 diagnoses and adding any more was too many.” And not only does that kind of throw me for a loop in terms of where I stand but it also concerns me about the accuracy of my diagnoses if real results were discounted just because she didn’t want to go “overboard.” 

This is honestly a lot. I’ve gone from feeling pretty neutral about the information I’ve gotten, to being optimistic about it, and now to feeling kind of shitty about a few things after reading the full report myself and not just having it summarized. 

And I say all this possibly just because I have no one that I can really talk to about it and I need to get my thoughts down because it’ll be nearly a week before I get to a therapist, but I also need you guys to understand I’m just in a trash emotional space. I also found out that the people who preformed my testing don’t provide psychiatric care so I have to go through contacting more people, getting another intake with someone, and going through all of this before I potentially find any medication that could help relieve my stress. And to top it all off school starts back in a week.

So I’m very sorry on multiple levels. I’ve been a flaky communicator and dropped the ball on talking to several of the people I call friends on here. I’ve lost things. I’ve dropped threads. The only replies I can get to are the ones directly sitting on top of my draft pile because they’re the easiest ones to find/respond to. I hope you understand the problem is just with me and my very low tolerance for my every day life experience lmao. I appreciate those of you who are supportive of me, who talk to me and reach out and are patient. I haven’t left tumblr, I have no intention of leaving tumblr, and I love my threads and my partners very much. Life’s just hard folks. And I’m sorry.

[dillydedalus]

march reading

kinda forgot about this i guess. anyway feat. uh, magical ships, dubious mental health institutions (plural) & a parisian building with 99 rooms. 

the forever sea, joshua phillip johnson (forever sea #1) i firmly believe that more fantasy lit should be set on ships bc ships are inherently a sexy setting & you could have pirates which are extremely sexy. this has ships (and pirates) and also a sea made of grass? a magical plant sea on which ships sail via magical fires, so conceptually i’m very into it all. the plot is fine, but the protagonist kindred has a very bad case of Main Character Syndrome so prepare for mild annoyance throughout. also while i generally enjoy book magic vs wild magic i wish more works would treat them as two ends of a spectrum rather than ~book magic bad and boring, wild magic cool and *~natural*~. but overall i think this series has potential. 3/5

jagannath: stories, karin tidbeck ([partially?] translated from swedish by the author) really cool collection of sff stories by tidbeck, many of which veer into mild horror and some of which are influenced by swedish folklore and especially swedish fey stories. i enjoyed most of these a lot, especially the existential call centre horror story, the ‘god won’t let me die’ one, and a taxonomy of a cryptid that goes a little off the rails. 4/5

annette, ein heldinnenepos, anne weber a novel in verse about anne beaumanoir, a real person who was a résistance member during world war 2 and later supported the algerian national liberation front, for which she was sentenced to 10 years in prison (she escaped to tunisia and later algeria). she’s clearly a very impressive and interesting person & i conceptually enjoyed the idea of writing a modern hero(ine)’s epic, but i feel like the language could have been a bit more stylized to match the form. 3/5

salvage the bones, jesmyn ward (audio) bleak but ultimately hopeful novel about a black family in the days before and during hurricane katrina, although the focus is on the family dynamics, the 14-year-old narrator discovering that she is pregnant, and the kids trying to keep the puppies their dog china just had alive and well. enjoyed this, altho i did it a bit of a disservice but listening to it a lot of short chunks. 3.5/5

regeneration, pat barker (regeneration trilogy #1) set mostly at a military hospital for soldiers with shell shock during world war 1, this novel explores the existential horror of war, psychological treatment (& the horrible absurdity of treating traumatised men just enough so that you can send them straight back to Trauma Town), and the meeting between siegfried sassoon & wilfred owen. i find i don’t really have much to say about it, but it is very, very good. 4/5

how to pronounce knife, souvankham thammavongsa a short story collection mainly about refugees and migrants from laos to canada, many focusing on parent-child relationships and being forced to work in low-paid jobs, often ones that are damaging to their health. the stories are very well-observed and emotionally nuanced and detailed, but with 14 mostly very short stories, the collection as a whole felt a bit samey, which i guess is something i often experience with short story collections. 3/5

faces in the water, janet frame horrifying semi-autobiographical novel about a young woman stuck in new zealand’s mental health system, moving to different hospitals but mostly from ward to (more depressing) ward in the 40s/50s. while there is a shift in attitudes during her stay that sometimes makes the wards more tolerable, mostly the patients are neglected, abused, and the threat of electric shock therapy and lobotomy always hangs over them. 3/5

the upstairs house, julia fine fuck why did i read so many books about mental health conditions this month??? this is another entry in my casual ‘motherhood as horror’ reading project, in which a new mother develops post-partum psychosis & imagines the modernist children’s book writer she’s writing her dissertation on and her poet sometimes-lover haunting her and her child (margaret wise brown & michael strange, who are real people i was utterly unaware of). this does pretty good on the maternal horror front, but i wasn’t entirely sold on the literary haunting. 2/5

1000 serpentinen angst, olivia wenzel a very interesting novel about a woman struggling with grief over her brother’s suicide, an anxiety disorder, the (non)state of a (non)relationship and discrimination/marginalisation based on her identity as a black, east-german, bi woman (while also being, as she notes, financially privileged). much of the novel is written in a dialogue between the narrator and an unnamed (& probably internal) interlocutor, which was p effective for a novel more focused on introspection than much of a plot. 3/5

atlas: the archaeology of an imaginary city, dung kai-cheung (tr. from chinese by the author, anders hansson, bonnie mcdougall) fictitious theory about a slightly-left-of-reality version of hong kong and how maps (re)construct the city, very heavy on the postmodern poststructuralist postcolonial (and some other posts, i’m sure). in many ways my jam. unfortunately my favourite parts of this were the author’s preface and the first part (fictitious theory of mapping alternate hong kong); the rest felt very repetitive and not particularly interesting, altho i’m sure i was also just missing a lot of cultural context. 2.5/5

under the net, iris murdoch .........i liked the other two murdochs i’ve read (the sea, the sea & a severed head) quite a lot so either i was not in the mood for her very peculiar style of constructing novels and characters or, this being her first novel, she just wasn’t in full command of that peculiar style yet but man this was a slooooooooog. don’t stretch out your modern picaresque with an incredibly annoying narrator over more than 300 pages iris!!!! 2/5 bc this probably has some merit & i just wasn’t into it

the impossible revolution: making sense of the syrian tragedy, yassin al-haj saleh (tr. from arabic by i. rida mahmoud) collection of articles and essays saleh (a syrian intellectual & activist who spent 16 years in a syrian prison) wrote from 2011 to 2015, analysing the reasons for, potential and development of the revolution, as well as some background sociological discussion on the assads’ regime. very interesting, very dense, very depressing. wouldn’t necessarily recommend it as a first read on the topic tho. 3/5

angels in america: millenium approaches & perestroika, tony kushner the page to tumblr darling quote ratio in this is insane (”just mangled guts pretending” and so on) and also it just really slaps on every level. also managed to get me from 0 to crying several times. brilliant work of theatre, would love to see it staged (or filmed). 4/5

life: a user’s manual, georges perec (german tr. by eugen helmlé) 99 chapters, each corresponding with a single room in a parisian apartment block; some chapters are basically ‘here’s the room, here’s a long list of objects in the room, that’s it bye :)’, some are short insights into the lives of the people living there, some (the best, mostly) are long, absolutely wild tales that are sometimes only tangentially connected to the room in question. why are the french like this. 61/99 rooms 

sisters in hate: american women on the front lines of white nationalism, seyward darby (audio) nonfiction about women’s role in white nationalist hate movements, mainly based on the stories of three women who are or have been involved with various contemporary american alt-right/racist/neonazi hate groups, while also looking at general social trends and the history of white women’s role in white supremacy. interesting and engaging if you’re interested in this kind of thing. if you’re both politically aware and internet poisoned, it’s probably not much that is completely new to you but still worth reading. 3/5

starting in april i will be Gainfully Employed (ugh) & thus probably not read as much or read even more bc i have no energy for anything else 

[himbo-buckley]

what are your thoughts on what maddie says about her and buck's parents, that they were "good people, bad parents"? bc idk if it's just me but I can't get my head around that lmao, I can't understand how they can still be good people if they're bad parents, the two just can't go together for me, so another perspective would be interesting!

Hello friend 🥰

Oh, that is quite a question, isn’t it? Damn I just got out of work but you’re making me think deep thoughts here…

I think that is actually a question were we cannot find a unifying answer to - because like you said for you being a good person and a bad parent aren’t compatible, but for me they are. And I think we’d first have to define what everyone thinks constituents a good person and what constitutes bad parents!

For me a good example of that is Shannon Diaz who, in my opinion, is a good person. She means well and she tries hard but she is quite frankly an awful mother. Yes, she was put in horrible situation after horrible situation and she broke on that - which is something human and cannot be begrudged - but she left her child for several years and while she did try to reconnect and she was learning, she wouldn’t haven contacted Eddie on her own. She came back because the opportunity arose not because she tried to get back to them. (She could have become a good mother but she never got the chance.)

In the same vain I think Bobby pulled a lot of shit back in Minnesota but he still seemed to be a loving and kind father - so my question to you, friend, would be: do you consider Bobby a good person (the Bobby prior to Season 1 mostly)? Despite being the type of person who went to work drunk and / or high and by this endangering others and himself? Because I don’t think so yet the show frames him as a good person despite his downfalls (and I am not saying being an addict makes someone a bad person but I am saying knowingly endangering others does) - and if you think someone cannot be a good person but a bad parent, can someone who is a bad person also not be a good person?

See, one thing I learned working with children is that some people just aren’t made to be parents, and I am not talking about my time with child services, i am talking as a kindergarten teacher. Some people are very nice and they try hard but damn, parenting does not come natural to them and I worry how this will develop in the future. Like one of my mom’s is severely depressed and she might have Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy which doesn’t make her a bad person - but a bad parent at times.

And now, this is were I make you regret asking me specifically about this topic (or maybe not, who knows what your interests are) because I do have a bit of an expertise in what constitutes good / bad parenting and I will talk about it at random whether I am asked or not (and hopefully my language won’t fail me as most of my theoretical knowledge is in german, so please excuse any mistakes in technical terminology because I have to find the english equivalents and you know all those untranslatable german words? Yeah. Someone finally figure out how to translate the difference between Erziehung and Bildung please because both cannot be education and also it doesn’t really fit either):

So let’s get into it, shall we?

What makes good parents?

First up: parental relationship and parenting capabilities: several years ago the german department of family, seniors, women and youth (BmFSFJ) released a paper on what skills parents need to become good parents. There a four main skills (and I hope I translated everything correctly):

child-corresponding skills (ability to respond to the individual needs and features of the child, be it in terms of recognising potential or setting boundaries or sth else)

context-corresponding skills (ability to recognise developmental opportunities but also hinderances for the child and acting accordingly)

self-corresponding skills (being able to reflect their own behaviour as well as being willing to learn new things; also ability to regulate one’s emotions)

action-corresponding skills (trust in ones own ability and effectiveness; being consistent, both in their own actions as well as in response to others actions)

You might have heard of Kurt Levin or Diana Baumrind or someone else doing research into parenting styles. Generally there are four main ones, which, if we use Baumrind, differentiate on the aspects of control and demand 

(here is a graph from wikipedia on this)

(I consider this fairly self explanatory but I will get into it in a bit a little more, soooo)

Now of course parenting isn’t just about the parents and what they do - children also have needs (and yes there is a lot of overlap but I am doing this right, okay?)

To quote my government again (because the paper was actually quite good, okay?) children want autonomy (a chance to do things themselves), expertise (a chance to develop their own skills) and relatedness (that one was very hard to translate but this came the closest; the idea is children strive for social connections, a sense of trust in themselves and reliability)

Also Urs Fuhrer defined 5 basic needs children have which are:

feeling of shelteredness and reliable love (I won’t explain this further except: google Harry Harlow and try not to cry like I do every time I am reminded of this monster of a man)

physical security and intactness (self explanatory, right?)

individual and developmentally suitable experiences (yes, children need to be socialised but it needs to be based on the individual child and how it learns best and all that)

boundaries and structure (CHILDREN WANT BOUNDARIES!!!! ALWAYS!!! CHILDREN WANT YOU TO TELL THEM YES OR NO, they need adults to help them navigate the world! Part of feeling secure is having someone who will tell you no and don’t do this; boundaries protect from danger, they represent support and orientation, they protect someone’s dignity (both the child’s and the parent’s), they give something to chafe against on our way to adulthood (because listen, Erikson wasn’t wrong, a lot of development happens in adversity, we find out who we are in contrast to other people)

a secure attachment (most people have heard about Bowlby and his theory of attachment, right? There are several types, though we are born with certain abilities for attachment and then learn how to attach from our parents, we model relationships on this, attachment determines our feeling of security and our thrive for exploration as children)

And I’ll leave the theoretical at this and go on to talk about the Buckley’s now, okay?

(and try to figure out if any of this has an actual point, uuups)

As for the specific situation of Mr and Mrs Buckley, let’s first see what we know of them, okay? (It’s barely anything) (half of it is assumed)

they are both alive

they are (probably) still married

they warned Maddie about Doug (meaning they somewhat cared)

they weren’t physically abusive and most likely also not emotionally

they probably live on the east coast in Pennsylvania

Buck may still be in contact with them

Maddie considers them good people but bad parents

they accepted losing contact with at least one of their children

Maddie doesn’t want them to know about Doug

That’s it!

Now, I personally think they might be very conservative, possibly unsupportive of their children. They might have had plans for their children’s life Maddie and Buck didn’t agree with, they might have been the types to not listen to their children, maybe they worked a lot. Probably fairly impatient, possibly disinterested in their children. Not good at the parenting capabilities.

Based on their children’s issues I’d say authoritarian or neglectful parenting style (though not abusive because it would be a redcon of Maddie’s background), meaning most definitely unresponsive though I cannot make up my mind whether they were demanding or undemanding, as both these styles - even when not so bad they are abusive and / or endangering to the child - make insecure, dependent and unhappy adults (like the children turn into those once they grow up), which does kinda fit with Buck specifically, right?

Though tbh I don’t think the Buckley parents were that horrible. I know fandom has taken the idea and run with it, mainly because after three seasons we know virtually nothing about them aside from some throwaway lines and all the issues we see in their children.

Now, why do I say this?

One, Maddie is a fairly capable adult despite everything that happened to her and even being as resilient as she is, she still has too few issues for how horrible fandom thinks the Buckley parents are

Two, while Buck has a lot of issues, being cocky and having problems with intimacy and being a bit directionless and still needing a parental figure in your mid-20s doesn’t seem that uncommon to me? Like the only really deep issue I’d say he has (that have to be caused by something deeper) are his abandonment issues (and connected to that intimacy). And it’s been implied they are caused by Maddie leaving to go to College which does paint the picture that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents but honestly, that sometimes happens, right?

(Also, and this is where my professional background comes in, I don’t like how everyone jumps to the worst possible conclusions about them, simply because I feel it sends the idea that only if the worst things happened to you, you have certain issues which is wrong. Sometimes small things will trigger something way larger in us and that should not be invalidated.)

And okay, I am getting off topic again (but again, my profession lies here) but what I am trying to say is this:

I do think Mr and Mrs Buckley were bad at parenting because they demanded too much but gave too little (emotionally) and I don’t think Buck is really in contact with them but I also don’t think that makes them necessarily bad people. (just bad parents)

I think Maddie and Buck weren’t as close back when they were children as they are now (at least not after Maddie moved to College) because the Buck we know would not accept a sister he is very close to simply no longer having contact with him for three years without trying to figure out why.

I do think they can’t have been that bad mainly because of how good Maddie and Buck are. Listen, I believe in resilience and already being born with a certain personality and traits which shapes how our environment reacts to us, but which is also influenced and changed by our environment ! (Nature vs. nurture, ya’ll) Now I know I said we find and develop ourselves in adversity but not just. We also need someone to foster and support and reward certain traits or we lose them and this is especially true for being kind and heroic!

Buck especially has shown way to little anger or capability for violence for how the fandom likes to write his parents, which considering his general character and also the way he looks - just doesn’t work! (Because generally especially boys raised in abusive families emulate this behaviour and Buck just - doesn’t! Which considering how “fuck toxic masculinity” Buck is most of the time doesn’t make sense because being tall and buff would make the opposite easier for him and would make it the better strategy for survival, so this would be the behaviour he would have learned)

(unless our writers say fuck being realistic and fuck psychology)

His parents had to have done something right, because Maddie will have left for College by the time he was 12 / 13 probably and we know they consider this her abandoning him meaning they probably weren’t really in contact then and while the first years of your life ARE VERY important for who you become later (urgh, yes, I’ll admit it, Sigmund Freud, the most overrated theorist did get SOME things right) they aren’t everything and you develop for longer and also a young girl like Maddie would have been would have not been self-reliant and stable enough to raise her literal baby brother in a way that made him resilient enough to become the person Buck has become despite her leaving him twice

Not to mention: considering the person we know Maddie is - if their parents really were that horrible she wouldn’t have left Buck with them, she would have taken him with her!

 ANYWAYS!

Okay, tbh, I have no idea if any of that answered your question, but I did spend nearly two hours on it so enjoy?

I really don’t have a good answer to your question because we really don’t know enough and what we know doesn’t fully gel with each other and urgh, I don’t know friend despite this being the one thing I actually have some knowledge on!

I’m not even sure any of this makes sense and I am so sorry about that! I was trying, friend, but sadly an answer eludes me

Guess I should have just ended after saying: we cannot find a unifying answer to this because we each have individual definitions of good and bad in regards to people?

(Now, for everyone who read all of this? I love you and thank you and sorry! Please have a great day while I go cry in the shower now because I this ask drained me and also Harry Harlow)

EDIT: I wrote attachment issues when I wanted to say abandonment issues, shit!

[daredevile]

BOOK RECS!

Well, I read a bunch of books during the quarantine and most of them were great! So, if you're looking for something within these genres - mystery/thriller, sci-fi, romance and horror - I got your back :) Also, my favourite genres are mystery/thriller and sci-fi which is why those lists are huge. Everything is linked to Goodreads, go check out the blurbs but, watch out for those reviews with spoilers!! 

THE SILENT PATIENT - Love, love, love this book - second favourite of all time! Seemingly innocent woman randomly shoots her husband in the face and never speaks again. And we primarily follow a criminal psychotherapist's perspective as he uncovers details about the why, the how and much, much more. If you're into human psychology and are a mystery/thriller aficionado in general, READ THIS BOOK. Also, has one of the best plot twists ever!

THE TURN OF THE KEY - The story follows a very unfortunate and young nanny who ends up being accused of murdering a child in her care. No parents in the obscenely technology-controlled house that malfunctions all of a sudden. Ah, the horrors of digitalisation. And she's neither innocent nor guilty. The atmosphere created by the author is truly remarkable and you cannot stop reading. I'm warning you. Prepare to be absorbed for a few hours because this is one chair-gripping story.

THE ONE - We're getting into the Black Mirror zone here. DNA tests that pair people with their genetically matched soulmates. What could possibly go wrong? Hint: one of the characters is a murderer - don't worry that's not a spoiler! Everyone has their secrets and issues and have to navigate through a complicated mess that morphs into a different problem for each character. Have they found The One?

GONE GIRL - Do I even need to explain?

EIGHT PERFECT MURDERS - We got a killer who replicates murders from fictional books and the FBI enlist the help of a bookstore owner to solve the case. Quite entertaining and major book-nerd vibes from this one. Not gonna lie, this started phenomenally but fell a little short with the ending. Still worth the read though! Also, it spoils a few classic, well-known books [ listed on Goodreads ], if you're planning to read any of those, I'd advise you to finish them before starting this one.

THE KIND WORTH KILLING - I'd say this's the better Peter Swanson novel out of these two. Quite Gone Girl-esque in nature but equally well-written and amazing! It's a type of story that makes you question humans and our moral code. Think intense Tom and Jerry with 200% more stress, nail-biting moments and of course, murders.

AND THEN THERE WERE NONE - A classic whodunit. Who doesn't love those? Group of people trapped in a remote island and one by one they drop dead in mysterious ways. Everyone seems like the killer, but who is actually behind these murders? Edge-of-the-seat feels with this one! And as the group becomes smaller and smaller, the criminal gets closer and closer till there are none.

LONG BRIGHT RIVER - This one delves into quite sensitive themes and topics such as addiction, struggles with withdrawal and ultimately, the devastation caused by it all. The relationship between the two sisters is portrayed with powerful emotional language and it's truly heartbreaking. Tension arises when one sister goes missing the same time when murders occur in the area. Not an easy read by any means but an exceptional story indeed.

NO EXIT - Four strangers stranded at a secluded highway rest stop and one of them has kidnapped a little girl and locked her in the van. And our main character has no means of communicating with anyone but has to figure out how to save the child from the psychopath. This has thriller written all over it! My stress levels were through the roof but, the action and the twists just blew my mind! Love this book!

LOCK EVERY DOOR - Creepy high-end hotel. Check. Disappearing people. Check. Dark secrets. Check, check, check! Again, another author who perfectly conjured a ghostly ambience as the plot thickens and the main character is so close to the killer. I'll be honest, I was scared at some parts. But it was a good kinda scared, you know. 100% will read again!

DARLING ROSE GOLD - Sounds like a cute story right? Don't be fooled by the title. This twisted mother-daughter story evokes an unsettling feeling as we follow both the daughter, who became overwhelmingly ill due to malnutrition and her abusive mother, who recently got released from prison. I found the narrative style to be very unique as they're both unlikable characters with hidden motives beneath their now-tolerant attitudes to each other. In other words: this book is CRAZY AND GOOD!

DARK MATTER - This is my favourite book. Ever. Written by one of my favourite authors. Ever. It's the perfect blend of a seemingly confusing narrative, a true mind-fuck, thought-provoking themes, slightly disturbing yet very much stress-inducing plot progression - in short: I love it!

SCYTHE - The premise caught my attention and it didn't disappoint at all! This universe is remarkably built through Shusterman's compelling imagery and mystery revolving around a Scythe's morals, ethics and concerns with their profession as they have to randomly kill people due to overpopulation. And good news, this is a series!

THE PASSENGERS - Listen, if you like Black Mirror-y stories, then you're gonna love this one! It's set in a world that's transitioning from manual to autonomous vehicles where eight driverless cars are hacked and programmed to collide in one location at a specific time! Initially, keeping up with so many POVs was challenging, but, it's completely worth it and possibly one of the most stressful books I've read in a while. John Marrs just understands writing.

THE TEST - This one's a short story - a hundred pages or so, yet thoroughly entertaining and has an intriguing plotline. Again, kinda gives Black Mirror vibes and jumps straight into the action. It's also severely messed up and horrible to think about. Dives into human behaviour and psychology in terrible this or that scenarios. Definitely one of my favourites! Are you sensing a pattern?

WE ARE THE ANTS - Alien abduction? The world in danger? And the fate of it rests upon a hesitant teenage boy's shoulders? Caught my attention. The plot is quite touching, emotionally-driven and weaves through several heavy issues such as depression, suicide, bullying and marginalisation, however, lightens up around wholesome themes like love, family and friendship. Great story and also, the book cover is pretty cool!

RED, WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE - Yet another book that needs no introduction. Just read it fam. No regrets!

THE UNHONEYMOONERS - Looking for the fluffiest of fluff story ever? Here ya go! Christina Lauren has nailed the romance genre and this one's nothing short of spectacular. Humour, wit and banter are smoothly intertwined into both main characters who hate each other with a passion... for a little while. Also features the classic and unsurprisingly entertaining hate to love trope!

THE HATING GAME - Can't seem to get enough of this enemies to lovers trope! Hilarious writing paired with two lovable characters - definitely a mood-booster. Just the mere chemistry between the characters as you experience their both funny and tender moments is *chef's kiss*.

THEY BOTH DIE AT THE END - Another favourite! A tear-jerker that's incredibly raw and thought-provoking. It explores the connection between two strangers spending their End Day with meaningful conversations, dealing with love and loss and going on that one last adventure before - well, you know how it ends.

PET SEMATARY - If you're into severely disturbing and horrific imagery spiralling through your mind - okay, why would you do that to yourself? Major theme of death described in a terrifying and a very Stephen King manner. Personally, I found the writing to be a little boring but still eerie, however, my friends and a lot of other readers love this book! To each their own, I guess?

THE CABIN AT THE END OF THE WORLD - Two words. Home invasion. This book made me question all the fundamental things in life and the writing speaks volumes! Filled with subtle symbolism and allusions to real societies and how they operate under crises. Possible heartbeat escalation, intense moments laced with undertones of sadness for the family. Gets straight into the action and it's utterly overwhelming. I don't read much horror but this is probably one of the best [ though some have contradicting opinions ]!

I spent a lot of time making this, so reblogs are very much appreciated! Hope you found something interesting :D

[tussive]

I have a lot of thoughts on this subject and some of them are touchy and I know many of my followers are trans.  I've never really spoken about most of this publicly, but I was just discussing this type of thing with @fresholivesfromtheolivebar and I thought having a place to organize my thoughts and get them out in a hopefully not too rambly/weird and mostly cohesive post.

I used to identify agender/non-binary for a period of time.  I've never identified as "male."  I don't understand men.  I don't get men.  They talk to me and it's like their way of thinking is completely foreign to me.  That isn't to say I'm not male.  I am very much male.  I was raised male.  I am seen as male.  I have been conditioned as  a male (possibly a faggy male lol) my entire life, including now, and that undoubtably affects how I perceive life and shapes my personality.  I've always mostly had women as friends, male friends generally I lost interest in talking to quickly, and I don't typically udnerstand their line of thinking/reasoning to begin with.

That's Colette quote sums it up really well for me.  "“I have nothing to say to men and never had.  Judging from the little time I’ve spent with them, their usual conversation is sickening.  Besides, they bore me.  I believe,” he hesitated, then concluded, “I believe I don’t understand men.”"

I have several male internet friends, but none who I'm especially close to.  We all go months without talking sometimes, but I do enjoy speaking  with them over shared interests.  William is the exception, but we have discussed these things at lengths and he feels almost (or maybe entirely) the same way as I do.  He doesn't really consider himsself "male" either.

I didn't like agender or non-binary or genderfluid or any of that, because I feel like they carry their own impressions that I didn't feel fit me.  When I was younger, I experienced a great deal of gender dysphoria.  I wanted to be born a girl.  Probably because I always got along better with the other girls school.  I spent a lot of time with my grandmother and her female friends.  My step-grandfather was in my life heavily and I loved him dearly, but I never connected with him on the same level I did with my grandmother.

I thought I may be trans when I was younger.  I looked into things, explored options, spoke with trans women and many of them were very pushy about transitioning.  I was under 18 at the time and one person actually threatened me with calling CPS, lying and saying I was abused, so I could go live with another family and could "be who I really was."

That experience put me off becoming trans a lot, if I'm being totally honest.  But also around that time I was questioning gender roles to to begin with.  Why are certain traits, behaviors and interests considered "female" and others are considered "male."  It didn't make sense to me.  So I just said fuck you to gender roles and started doing whatever I wanted and my gender dysphoria went away.  I still have aspects of my body I don't like and wish were different, but I think that's literally every human.  Mine may be based around my sex to a degree and wishing I looked more feminine, but the core of the problem is the same.

I went by  non-binary/agender for a while, but I didn't really love those because I felt like they came with their own implications, so I stil just called myself a male and would say like "male, kind of" or something when someone asked lol.  I generally say I'm straight, but I do find males to be sexually attractive, but I've never met a man who I was able to connect with emotionally on any level even close to resembling romantic attraction.  William is my only close male friend and I love him like a brother, not someone I want to put my dick into.  I know going by like "newer" more specific terms, I'd probably be like "agender/non-binary demisexual heteroromantic."  But I just feel like that is dumb.  I don't think a label needs to perfectly describe you, just give people a rough idea, personally.    

And like, I love trans people.  Let me say here, I do not view any issue with trans people and if they feel transitioning is their best shot at happiness, they should go that.  I am 100% believe in full bodily autonomy, you should be allowed to do anything with it that doesn't hurt someone.  I do think a minority of people have taken things with it too far and have started trying to "cancel" anyone who doesn't perfectly all in line with their idealogy, but the majority of trans people I've meant online and in person are not that, they just want to be happy in their own body.

That being sad, I do think a lot of "TERF" arguments are valid.  I think having spaces specifically for AFAB people is a good thing.  Being born male or female and raised and conditioned that way within a society WILL affect who you are as an adult, even if you were trans then and just didn't really realize it yet.  I like the "3rd gender neutral" bathroom idea, but I think it should go a step further.  Eliminate all multi stall bathrooms.  Every bathroom should be a single bathroom that anyone can use, regardless of sex or gender identity.

That all said, I view trans women as women.  And the above points aren't really fair to them,* I agree totally.  Like that is genuinely so shitty and my heart breaks for trans people who suffer through as much as they do.  It's not fair that it happens.  (Unfortunately a lot of things aren't fair.  Which doesn't mean "SUCK IT UP PUMPKIN" it just means shit is going to suck a lot and learning to roll with it is the best way to have any kind of peace of mind imo.  But I fully empathize.  I am no familiar with gender dysphoria.  And I still wish I was born female.

I just don't think transitioning is right for me because there's NOTHING that stops me from doing whatever I wanna do, wearing whatever I wanna wear, talking how I want to talk, etc as a male that I wouldn't be able to do.  So it doesn't matter all that much.  If other people want to transition, I fully support them and I think it should be easier for people to do so.

I love trans people, not to pull the "I even have some [x] friends!" card but basically every person I talk to regularly is a woman or trans/nb/queen/etc.  I do what I can to support them whenever I can.

I know some of what I said here probably comes across TERF-y, or whatever the male equivalent of that would be.  I don't claim that term, but I've been called it by random trans people online like hundreds of times.

If you feel like I'm a TERF or hate trans people or don't respect you or what you go through, by all means block/unfollow/message me to d iscuss it further.  If you unfollow, I get it, you won't offend me or anything.  Most of this is just me working out/posting my gender identity again because I feel good about it now really.  The trans stuff is just like there to try to add context of why I don't call myself trans.

(Kinda sidenote: honestly I've been calling myself "queer" more and more.  It's vague and doesn't give any specific impression other than "not cis opposite attracted person" and I think that's a good way to describe myself lol.)

Sorry this is long, sorry if this is confusing, I didn't proofread at all and sorry if this upsets you.  I'm happy to talk with you if you are upset about anything or if you just want nothing to do with someone like me, that's totally fine!

Anyway, if you read all of this, I tank you.  I know it's way too long but I just had some thoughts and feelings I felt relevant to things today and wanted to get  them out.

Love you. <3 Marcus

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 2nd Season Ep18 [”Do You Wanna Kiss?”]:

After last week’s [relatively] fun and light-hearted school vacation, this week’s episode was one big exploration of severe, systematic child abuse :) Fun times all around here in Fruits Basket :)))

Thoughts under the cut.

Just to start off, this episode adapted chapters 78 and 79. So we’re still on the same track as the manga, but I think they’re going to move things around a little bit for the next two episodes just so they can combine similar scenes together. The next episode title is taken from chapter 80, but I think they’ll combine that with chapter 82, since those two chapters are both focused mainly on Tohru and Rin’s interactions, while chapter 81 shifts the focus over to Yuki and the student council, which then connects into chapters 83 and onward. So I think they’ll just swap things around a bit so that the next episode includes all the stuff with Tohru and Rin, and then the episode after that will move over to the Yuki stuff.

Anyway, this episode was extremely good, but also kinda hard to talk about because it’s so intently focused on some depressing subject matter, lol. The series has had these sorts of episodes from day one, but I feel like there’s always been something distinctly horrific about the events of this arc, in both the manga and the anime. I think part of it is that the depictions of child abuse and trauma are a lot more “raw”, in a sense, than most earlier parts of the story. It really forces you to get in the shoes of an abuse victim for basically the entirety of the episode, and it can be really emotionally draining.

I wanna get my more negative opinions on this episode out of the way, so I’ll just say that it kinda frustrates me how much this episode’s hard-hitting, raw writing highlights how I still wish that it didn’t take so long for Rin to actually be introduced. It still just feels really awkward to me that she only shows up like a third of the way into the series, when all of these big character-defining moments have already happened to her, and we have to find out about them through basically a whole episode’s worth of flashbacks. From basically this point onward I really like the role she plays in the story and her as a character in general, but it feels like it took too long to get here. 

Which reminds me that I distinctly remember being kinda confused during a lot of this section in the manga specifically because there were so many flashbacks we kept moving between, and it was just hard to keep track of. I think the anime did a lot to improve that just by giving everything a more grounded feeling through all the detailed backgrounds and voice-acting and so on, but the manga being a lot more vague about everything made it kinda confusing, which I think was a pretty big part of why Rin’s whole character just didn’t work for me when I first read the manga.

Also, this isn’t really a complaint or criticism or anything, but this episode is one of the big moments that makes it pretty much impossible for me to forgive Akito to the extent that the story seems like it wants me to by the time it ends. Obviously we’re not meant to *entirely* forgive her for anything, but I still feel like she got off too easily. But we’ll get to that when we get to that, I suppose.

Anyway, with that out the way, this episode really reminded me of a lot of stuff I’ve been thinking about lately to do with parenting and child abuse and so on. Even though I’ve never really experienced child abuse, especially not to this extent, it’s a topic that I’ve always cared a lot about. It’s kinda hard to explain, but the whole process of being born and growing up as a disabled person has made me think a lot about the idea of parenting, and how we treat children. Obviously child abuse can happen to anyone, for any reason, but a lot of it is specifically caused by parents not being able to properly handle raising a child with disabilities or special needs. Which is basically what happens in this series, in a sort of metaphorical way.

I’ve been raised by a loving and supportive family, but that’s also made me acknowledge the fact that I got lucky, and that things could have turned out so much differently for me if I had just been born to a different family. One story I’ve heard a lot from my mother is about how when I was a lot younger, she was regularly visited by doctors and nurses and so on that specialize in raising disabled children, and they were surprised at how there were so many things my mother already did that most parents with disabled children had to be taught how to do. Even something as relatively simple as actually talking to and engaging with a baby in spite of them being deaf, blind, or otherwise unresponsive, is something that just doesn’t necessarily come naturally to everyone. Sometimes parents actively lash out at their children because they think they’re defective and they don’t know how to handle them, sometimes parents simply neglect them because they don’t really see them as being human, and sometimes they force themselves to act normally while refusing to properly acknowledge and grapple with whatever condition their child has, until one day they inevitably snap and it just falls apart.

Which is why it’s so important to have supportive resources for parents in these sorts of situations. To be honest, simply not knowing how to handle a child with disabilities or special needs doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad person or a bad parent. Not everyone has all of that knowledge and experience. So there needs to be people who can support them and educate them to make up for that, and to help them live as a functioning, happy family.

This is basically a big part of why it’s such a bad thing that the Soma family is so secluded and insular. They actively reject outside ‘interference’ and simply rely on the things they already know and the traditions they’ve been following for generations. They’re raised to only care for and connect with each other, and to never leave their inner circle. Even the hospital we’ve seen various characters get admitted to is apparently run by the Somas, just to hammer in how dangerously isolated the whole situation is. You always need to be receptive to outside help and education if you want to actually be able to live a good life.

You do of course sometimes get people like my mother who just instinctively know how to do a lot of these things, but even she needed help and assistance from various sources to get by, and it’s not like she even understood everything that was wrong with me before having it explained to her by doctors and so on.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that support networks and education tools are extremely helpful to at least somewhat preventing child abuse and neglect, and this whole story is filled with examples of how families can just spiral out of control when they lack those things.

Anyway this episode fucked me up, lmao.

[clownhara]

I've been following you for a while but I dont know all that much about your OCs so how about a big resume of them all?? :DDD

I haven't really posted much about them on this account until recently so that doesn't really suprise me 😅 but yeah I absolutely can! Warning though this is going to be unbelievably long

I guess I should start off with Zensuke because he is THE gay purple cat. I named this blog after this guy. I made him when I was probably like 12-13 or around there so he had all the things you'd expect a repressed edgy kid's of to have. He was basically a demon who managed to get out of thier world's equivalent of hell and instead of doing anything evil he just made cake and got married to the guard who was supposed to kill him. I don't really do much with him anymore but I still love him very much.

Corbinian is probably the character I talk most about and he's the one I edit to fit into different worlds the most. He was a normal doctor but he got his memory wiped by robots and ended up working as an executioner for the robotic mafia, but eventually got caught and had to hide out in Lobotomy (he was originally a Lobotomy Corp oc) where he discovered he can extract abnormality dna and with some altering the dna can be injected into humans causing a variety of different mutations and effects. He's usually very heartless and manipulative, but does have a soft spot, usually for anxious, soft spoken people, who subconsciously remind him of his brother (who is a friends if so I can't really get into him). He also was given a variety of nicknames by the higher ups, like Corb, Corn chip, Corb on the Orb, or just Corn. Je

Corble is the result of Corb trying out human cloning. He has the same general appearance as Corbinian, but with purple hair (hence the name, because he's porble corb) that's styled differently. Since the experiment was technically a failure Corb was going to kill him, but Corble was really sweet and innocent and Corb basically went "well great guess I adopted my clone then". Corb stopped messing with cloning but adores Corble.

Might as well get all of my Lobotomy ocs out of the way. Oliver is the first Lobotomy oc I ever made, which is funny because I may or may not constantly forget that he exists. Oliver is basically a five year old kid in an adults body, and I mean that literally, because his parents basically locked him in a room and ignored him so his mental age is basically that of a kids. He's very mischievous and loves pulling pranks on people, most of which are harmless. Unless it's Corb, whom Oliver gates with a passion. Then it's thinly veiled murder attempts disgusted as pranks. He loves Fairy tales, and only works with fairy tale abnormalities because he panics with any other kind. Only one person in the entire facility can even put up with him, and that's Mabel.

Mabel is trans lesbian who can find the good in almost anyone. She's optimistic, bubbly, and has a great sense of humor. She tends to get really flustered around women though. Is it obvious I kinda projected onto her a bit? Because I did. If she wasn't in Lobotomy she'd definitely be a streamer. I'm just now realizing I basically made snapcube before I knew who that was. Whoops.

Up next is Adam! Adam is quiet, nervous, and honestly just prefers to not be noticed. Their ability to almost seamlessly blend into thier surroundings is astounding. Most people (me included) tend to just forget they exist. Which honestly is funny because they end up dating the loudest, most cocky person in the entire facility. Adam loves horror movies and spicy food.

Kieth is the loudest, most cocky person in the entire facility. He's the adopted son of a sephirah and the leader of the Rabbit team so that much is unavoidable. He's quick to anger, blunt, and tends to underestimate other people. However, he's also loyal to a fault, and willing to back his friends up no matter what. He feels like his mom's are expecting him to live up to expectations that he can't (and that they don't have but he doesn't realize that), so he's constantly throwing himself in harm's way to desperately try to prove to them that they made a good investment by adopting him or die trying. His two passions in life are collecting weapons and tending to rabbits, two of which he managed to train to sit on his shoulders and attack people. Despite being total opposites he loves Adam very much and will endure any horror movie with them, even if he's a huge scaredy cat.

Damien doesn't gave that much development, unfortunately. He came from a very religious household, moved out, and frequently gets possessed by an abnormality who makes him act like a cryptid. Totally normal stuff. He also went to law school.

Zephyr is a very, very serious individual. They've got a completely monotone color palette, speak either in short, blunt sentences or long, fanciful paragraphs with no in between, and tend to come off as cold and stiff. They're completely devoted to work, which is how they managed to become a captain. Despite this, they're very kind and caring, but unfortunately rarely get to show that side of themselves unless it's with Jamison, thier partner, both in crime and in the romantic sense. They also have a love/hate relationship with Owen, basically openly hating his guts but also enjoys thier banter and would hate if anything genuinely awful happened to them or his family.

Jamison is the complete opposite of Zephyr. He's an open book, very colorful, and tends to slack of when Zephyr isn't looking. Not on purpose, he just tends to get distracted most of the time. He's quite popular because he's very cheerful, which is rare in the higher ranks of Lobotomy. He'd absolutely die for Zephyr, and us usually the one who patches thier wounds. He really doesn't like Owen and thinks thier a pain in the ass, but keeps that to himself most of the time.

Owen is..... Interesting. I kinda went buck wild with him not gonna lie. He's one of the oldest son's of the God of Nightmares and Fire, an absolute agent of choas, and a campy fashion nightmare. But... I love them. They're both unbelievably obnoxious and also very caring. He's the kind of character you'd love but also hate at the same time. He also ended up becoming the God of Death in one timeline. If he wasn't God they'd probably run makeup guru/cursed amsr YouTube channel. Honestly he'd still run those as a God though. Also gender is a toy store and Owen is a kid who broke in after dark and is running along pushing all of the assorted genders into a cart while laughing maniacally (they use any pronouns but I stuck to just he/him they/them for this little snippet)

Alright, Lobotomy ocs done. Up next is.... Ugh... Octavious. He's originally a Danganronpa oc, the shsl gossip, and he was made to be a villian and by God does it show. He's the most fake, back stabbing, two faced character I've ever made. He's also the most one dimensional, which was actually intensional. He has no personality beyond being a petty, lying bitch, so when he runs out of lies and rumors to spread he goes into an existential crisis about how he has virtually no identity until he makes some new lie up about some random person. He's also abusive towards his younger sibling Aspyn, whom he has both physically and emotionally scarred. And, the icing on the "fuck this guy" cake, he's incredibly obsessive over his "wife" Melissa, who wants nothing to do with him and never even dated him, let alone married him. Basically he's a horrible, lying, abusive stalker. He also dresses exclusively in eye burn pink since the most poisonous bugs are usually brightly colored. Fuck Octavious, all my homies hate Octavious.

Next is Melissa, who honestly wasn't much better before her arc. She was raised to believe that in order to truely succeed in life, you have to ensure others fail. She, unfortunately, took that advice to heart. Get arc consisted of learning that we all can succeed together and that actively fucking other people over just made her an awful person, so she changed her behavior and tried to help people from then on out. She's incredibly meticulous, organized, and really smart. She still has issues trusting, but she's getting better. She has a crush on Octavious's younger sibling, but absolutely despises Octavious.

Aspyn is a quiet, caring individual who has no confidence both due to Octavious and just how they were raised. They are an incredibly skilled doctor, however, managing to perform amazingly in several different fields. They are, however, very defensive about thier passions, quick to insult anyone who questions them, mainly due to Octavious. They have a huge crush Melissa, but is to afraid to ask her out. Also they wear an eye patch because Octavious messed up one of thier eyes.

Hooo boy where to start with Edward. He's really inconsistent between universes, but the main constants are his power (he can trade bodies with people), him and Max getting together, him being a huge bookworm, and somehow he usually ends up being my self inserts dad???? Hos other aspects tend to change. Sometimes he's a power hungry megalomaniac who's trying to take over the world and will crush anyone and everyone who gets in his way or isn't useful to him, using his power evily to stay young forever by trading bodies with his kids and killing them when they're in his body. Other times, he's a fairly calm, if not a little cold, man whos biggest crime is the occasional tax evasion, who's power is more of a curse, causing him to stay alive forever through a series of unfortunate coincidences. Either way he's fun to write

Max is one of my favorite characters. He loves baking, his friends and family, he isn't too bright but no one holds that against him. Unfortunately, no matter which side of Edward it is, he's hopelessly in love with him, which can lead to his downfall. He's very protective of his cousin Heron, and tries to protect the innocent, which he usually doesn't end up doing thanks to evil Edwards manipulation. I also somehow failed to mention he's a plant man and flowers sprout wherever he walks and he can control plants but I couldn't find a good way to fit that in naturally.

Heron is half a plant man, in the worst possible way. He has rose vines instead of blood, which feels exactly how you think it would. Magic keeps his alive luckily, but it's unbelievably painful. Most of him and Max's family died when they were young, and unlike Mac who ended up on the streets, Heron ended up in an orphanage, where he learned at a young age that he shouldn't get close to anyone because if he does, they'd die. He genuinely believes that, and the only person he thinks is immune, is his cousin Max, who he even still expects to drop dead. Heron mainly fights by breaking his skin so his vines will grow rapidly and trap and kill his attacker, which looking back is uh. Kinda symbolic. I didn't do that on purpose but it fits

Eden is an angel, who was outcasted from heaven after being framed for a crime they didn't commit. They don't understand how humans work, but is trying thier best to fit in. He's one of the few beings Heron trusts, and even still Heron doesn't trust them much because of Eden's ability, being able to control holy flames. Eden is stoic and aloof, with an odd sense of humor. He insists that him baking using his holy flames is a form of training. Despite them claiming to be above human emotions, they very much are not above them and he is actually quite emotional.

Avocado is one of Herons old friends, who fell victim to Herons "luck" (aka they died). They are a drider (basically spider centaur) who came from a large family of drider thieves. They are very quiet and kind, which they use to thier advantage, since one would thing they'd steal small objects from people's houses or pickpocket them, which Avocado very much does. While they're fairly weak in combat thier thieving skills are not to be underestimated.

Grape is Avocados older sibling, and they are very serious and quite rude. Grape wants to kill Heron to avenge thier sibling, but ends up getting caught robbing the wrong person and ends up having to join the person's kids adventuring party.

Apple is the oldest drider sibling, and ends up taking a motherly role for all of the younger kids. They had to grow up incredibly fast, and has to make all of the hard decisions in place of thier dying father. Desperately needs a break.

There's more spider siblings but there isn't much info on them

Both Sherry and Theodore Poser are mainly just there because I have them really fun designs and don't really have a personality. Sherry's kinda hard to draw though

[callsignbaphomet]

14, 15, 17, 25, 32, 36, and 46! Caveat is 25 has to be answered by at least the big three, J, A, and L! Otherwise go w/whoever uwu

Lol so you know what? Let's just triple it up for all Qs because why not.

14. Do they look up to anyone?

Loke: His mom. She's always been there for as far back as he can remember. She taught him a lot of what she knew about healing, her fighting style which when mixed in with his dad's made him a threat. She also managed to teach him an arcane attack her tribe uses which was a huge deal since regular berserkers can't use magic. He always hung around her and kind of hero worshipped her as one of the most wisest women and fiercest warriors. He learned everything she taught him and he even became the field medic because of her.

He always thought of her as a mother even before Sanaa and Ingvarr married and she was okay with it so when they DID marry he was ecstatic.

Jelani: His mom and grandpa Haakon. His mom taught him everything she taught Loke. Everyone was sure he was an arcane berserker just like her so she taught him magic as well but like Loke it never really stuck. The bit he learned he did on his own and it wasn't anything he'd been taught but he modified it to mimic his mom's lessons as best he could. She naturally taught him of her people and culture and he was always stunned at her accomplishments and was a positive influence in his life. Unbeknownst to him his parents but especially his mother helped in making him more "human" if that makes especially during his teens when his previous self was kinda threatening to emerge.

His grandpa was a huge influence on him and emotional support. Thing is Haakon always had a suspicion that he was something entirely else but Jela did as well difference is that Jela felt really alienated because of it and was often afraid of that but Haakon always made sure to make him feel better about his differences and would often sooth his feelings of alienation. He was also an extremely accepting and open minded person and he learned a lot of compassion from him.

Angelus: Ever since he was in his grandpa's custody he was surrounded by people who influenced him and shaped him into the man he currently is. So he has a lot of people he looks up to. Trevor introduced him to a woman he looked up to (so much so that he took her surname). Ravencroft was a werewolf and the first exposure Angelus had to the arcane. Because of her he became intrested in magic and decided to learn it. She showed him all that was possible within the arcane and pointed him in the right direction to get started and ever since then he's continued.

Between Jelani, Loke and Trevor he learned to write, read and speak (as in forming coherent sentences) and he learned confidence from them.

Aleksey taught him everything from his family history, got him the help he needed and taught him all there is to know about werewolves and what it meant to be one. He also taught him to read, write and speak Sumerian and Russian.

15. Who is their best friend?

Loke: Okay, so like, Jelani is his best friend. Those two are like THE definition of unconditional love.

However, Abigail is also his best friend. They really got to know each other when she was his spotter for a wet works and from then on it's like thick as thieves. They've even been mistaken for a couple but it's because of how they talk to each other and behave with each other. Abby has no closely related living relatives so on her wedding he walked her down the aisle.

Really close to a best friend is Trevor. First person he ran up to when he found out he was gonna be a dad was Lo. I've never mentioned them being best friends because they've never given it much thought. When they first met Trevor didn't trust him but it wasn't personal. Then he found out that Jelani, who he was hanging out with a lot, was Lo's younger brother and when he saw how they were with each other he liked Lo even less but this was because how they treated each other reminded him of him and his younger brother who'd died of pneumonia. Lo found out Trev was uncomfortable around him so he gave him the space he needed until one day they just started talking and got along pretty well. As the years went by they just kind of hung out a lot. And then a lot of years later they fucked for a while and then just stayed really good occasionally fuck buddies especially after Jelani and Angelus became boyfriends.

Jelani: Let's get the obvious answer outta the way first. It's Loke. Those two would die for each other and on several occasions have actually almost died protecting each other. They're never far apart for long, neither of them like it.

There's also Trevor who's been a really good friend ever since they met. At one point Trev became the third one in the group and the three of them were inseparable.

And many, many, years later Jelani and Trevor fucked for a while. I like to think their friendship is really solid. Was a little rocky after Jela was crushing on borderline in love with him but things went back to normal after Jela got over it.

Angelus: Well, first and foremost it's Ginger. They liked each other the second they met but as soon as each they found out that they were both arcanists it was like heart eyes motherfucker! Like Loke and Abigail they're a power duo in the field and anything one doesn't know about anything arcane the other will know. Basically Ginger is his bff.

Close but also the big brother he never had is Trevor. He thinks of Loke the same but more so Trevor. At one point after he was in his grandfather's custody and was recovering physically and mentally he went silent. Didn't want to talk at all to anyone, not even Jelani. It wasn't out of anger he just couldn't bring himself to talk. Trevor had experience with this because his little brother was mute. Also tbh Trevor really felt for 'im. Jelani told Trev and Lo how he'd found him and then later the three of them found out what had happened to him during all those years. During that time he wasn't talking Trevor managed to communicate with him and after he gained enough confidence to speak he was usually seen talking to Trevor a lot. He absolutely loves Trevor and will fuck you up if you even breathe wrong in his direction.

And of course there's his husband who he considers his best friend and safest person to be around in the world. J's pretty much been his first everything. Well, except for boyfriend that was someone else. He was in love with him but kept it a secret and took every chance he could to be with or near him until muuuuuuuuuuuuuuch later he accidentally revealed it. The rest is history.

Lol Trevor might be friend shaped.

17. Who is the person they hate most in the world?

Loke: Man who killed his grandpa and the man who killed his fiancé.

Jelani: Man who killed his grandpa. I'd say he hates that man more than even his peers from his "previous" life that betrayed him.

Angelus: His abusers for obvious reasons but at the same time he doesn't hate them. He hates everything he had to endure but at the same time he was conditioned to believe he deserved it and even in modern times he still kinda thinks the same way so in a way he feels like any hatred he feels towards them isn't justifiable. These mixed feelings also extend towards his grandmother and one of his uncles. Both were the worst of the bunch with his grandmother allowing all the torture and knowing about the raping done by his own uncle but not caring. Then her emotionally and mentally abusing him.

To say he got some sense of relief after he got some payback on his uncle is an understatement.

He kinda hates his father as well. If it hadn't been for his dad selling him to his grandmother to leave his dad and mom alone none of the abuse and attempted murder woulda taken place.

25. How do they handle being complimented?

Loke: He likes to follow up a compliment with another. If you compliment him he'll cheerily compliment you back.

Jelani: For someone who's always confident and sure of himself on the surface every time he gets complimented by someone he gets easily flustered and he immediately smiles and does this thing where he kinda bites one of the corners of his lower lip.

Angelus: Setting aside all the obvious things like being shy and insecure he kinda doesn't know how to react to compliments. His default is to lower his eyes and says a simple thanks but then he worries if he sounds like he wasn't enthusiastic enough or if he says more than thanks he worries it sounds disingenuous. Even in his better more confident days he'll still give a simple thanks but his tone will be louder and may add more to it.

32. If they could change one thing, what would it be?

Loke: Kind of a tie between not having asthma or hemophilia. Both are his biggest worries.

Jelani: Oh boy there is a ton he would change. But the one thing that he would change if he could would be to be a berserker like the rest of his family. Yes, even after finding out what he is. Hell, especially after what he is and how he was back then. He wants nothing to do with that part not with everything that went on, with those who betrayed him and those he hurt.

"He's a Maker. Why doesn't he just do it?"

Can't. Deities are deities whether they like it or not. They can live as anything else and mimic that species as best they can but they'll always be deities. The most they do is forfeit their duties and exile themselves or literally just walk away from it all and come back when they so choose. Those are his only two choices.

Angelus: What doesn't he wanna change? But for the sake of sticking to just one it would definitely be to have no mental illnesses whatsoever. He haaaaaaaaaaates the fact that he was the victim of years of every abuse you can think of and he's left scarred, knee deep in therapies and medications meanwhile his abusers are living good normal lives as if they didn't fuck up a child just because he's a Crossed Breed and not an Outsider.

36. Do they believe in destiny?

Loke: Tbh he kinda doesn't really care much about destiny or has even thought much about it. He just takes things as they come.

Jelani: No. Glossing over the irony of this answer he just doesn't believe destiny somehow controls your outcome. It's you who controls that.

Angelus: He's not a believer in it but he doesn't deny it either.

46. Are they a fast learner?

Loke: I think he's more average in terms of learning things he isn't too interested in or knows much about. He is definitely more practice than theory oriented tho.

Jelani: Yes. A very fast learner. Theory or practice it doesn't matter. He catches on fast and learns fast.

Angelus: Also kinda average but he needs both theory and practice and examples help a lot.

[luimnigh]

I think you mentioned before that some of RWBYJNR also alludes to charcters from wizard of Oz aside from ozpins circle. With a big theme of rwby is to be better than those before us I can believe this but could you explain to me who is which character and why if it wouldnt be to much hassel

I think I’ve gone through this before, but yeah the Dorothy-Scarecrow-Tin Man-Cowardly Lion quartet runs through a lot of our quartets.

This comes down to the fact that you can break down the latter three into the central dichotomies of their characters: stupid/smart, heartless/emotional, and cowardly/brave. Dorothy, meanwhile, doesn’t have much of a character journey, all she’s doing is trying to get home, so usually the way to identify the Dorothy of each quartet is by the process of elimination.

You can see this pattern appear amongst the quartets of the show:

Teachers, International:

Qrow is the Scarecrow. His drunkeness makes him look foolish, but he’s actually more aware of the actual goings on of the world than most. He’s smart and observant, but he’s signed away his decision-making to Ozpin because he trusts him so much.

Leo is the Cowardly Lion. I’ve always found this one odd, because unlike the two others we’ve seen, Leo doesn’t display the bravery part of his role, just the cowardice. The bravery is instead told to us by Ozpin, effectively meaning that Leo played out his inspiration’s development in reverse. 

Ironwood is the Tin Man. He cares, he cares so much, but the way he cares results in him taking actions that look outwardly heartless. 

Theodore is Dorothy. Now, we haven’t met Professor Theodore, but his name has the same etymology as “Dorothy”, so it isn’t hard to make a connection.

RWBY:

Ruby is Dorothy. She’s the girl in a dress who unexpectedly end up in the Land of Oz, and her little dog too. Plus she’s fighting several witches.

Weiss is the Tin Man. In the beginning, she’s cold and standoffish, uncaring of the plight of the faunus, kinda heartless. But this is learned behaviour, and the true Weiss that emerges is a loving, caring person desperate to right the wrongs her heartless father has committed in the family name.

Blake is the Cowardly Lion. She’s one of the most bravest people in the entire series, taking the weight of the entire faunus cause on her shoulders, but has been gaslit and abused into thinking that she’s a coward who always runs away from her problems. 

Yang is the Scarecrow. Your initial reaction to the character is that she’s a blonde party girl, and then she proves that this idea was never the truth. She’s smart, she’s an engineering whiz, she’s the first to ask questions and the last to stop looking for answers. 

RNJR/JNPR 2.0:

Ruby is once again Dorothy, but her role in this quartet has since been taken over by Oscar. He’s a young teen, raised on a farm by his aunt and uncle, who ends up in a world of magic and wonder. 

Ren is the Tin Man. Outwardly, he seems emotionless, and his semblance revolves around emotional suppression. But he’s actually incredibly emotional, and simply afraid of letting his emotions control him.

Nora is the Scarecrow. Once again, she outwardly looks unintelligent, but she’s actually incredibly intelligent, especially when it comes to emotional intelligence. 

Jaune is the Cowardly Lion. In early seasons, he flails and flounders while fighting, as he’s the most inexperienced and thus the most unused to these situations. Later on, he becomes the most afraid of losing people he loves. But this is a guy who signed up to a monster hunting school with no experience, and is willing to lay down his own life to save the people he loves. He is stupidly brave, full-on Gryffindor. 

STRQ:

Summer is Dorothy, because she was basically Ruby 0.5. She was the glue that held her team together.

Qrow is once again our Scarecrow.

Raven and Taiyang are a little more complicated, as you can see Tin Man and Cowardly Lion in both. On the one hand, Raven is so afraid of losing, of fighting a fight she can’t win, that she’s ruined her whole life to try and escape that fight. Meanwhile Tai is the only one of our parents who isn’t taking part in the fight in some way, he’s a retired Huntsman. On the other hand, Raven tries to act aloof and uncaring, but her semblance gives away that she cares for people in her life. And Tai is introduced to us as a man who once emotionally shut down, but is doing his best to be the most loving and caring father since then. 

(Oh hey, a sunshine-and-goth couple who share their allusions. Where have I heard that before? =p)

Teachers, Vale:

Ozpin, ironically, plays the Dorothy role amongst the four teachers at Beacon. He’s the one who comes from another world, and he’s the other who brings everyone together.

Glynda is the Tin Man. Strict and domineering, but she does actually care about her students. 

Oobleck is the Scarecrow. Tall and gangly, seemingly goofy, but highly intelligent and prizes knowledge above all else. 

Port is the Cowardly Lion. Constantly boasting and telling stories of his bravery, and the last of the teachers we actually see fight. 

WTCH:

Cinder is Dorothy. The young girl of the group, most important of the group, she’s the one with magical powers.

Hazel is the Tin Man. Appears to be stoic and aloof, actually a screaming ball of rage.

Watts is the Scarecrow. Seemingly the intelligent one, and boastful of it, but is making mistakes in Atlas that Cinder herself didn’t run into. 

Tyrian as the Cowardly Lion. The one who’s upfront, in your face, relishes in battle, but the moment he actually got hurt he went crying home to Mommy. 

Cinder’s Gang:

Cinder is once again Dorothy, as she is the focus of this group and the one who traveled around and collected them on her way to Oz. 

Emerald is the Scarecrow. She’s intelligent, she’s cunning, but she’s completely blind to Cinder’s manipulations. 

Neo seems to be playing this role currently. Cinder thinks she has her under her control thanks to some base manipulation, but Neo is smart enough to blame Cinder for Roman’s death, not Ruby. Also, an old offensive term for being mute, as Neo is, was called being dumb.

Mercury is the Tin Man. He says he doesn’t care. He very much does care. Also, the Tin Man is looking for a heart, and Mercury has had part of his soul removed. 

Cowardly Lion is split between Torchwick and Adam. Torchwick’s only motivation was survival, ie a fear of death, meanwhile Adam has references to being Lionized and despite all his power is nothing more than a coward.

And I think that’s all the ones we have so far. 

[true-intha-blu]

In regards to Kwami Buster

Soo...

I have opinions. Shocker. And this episode of Miraculous actually made me want to take about them on tumblr (risky) Disclaimer. I completely understand that Miraculous is made for far younger audience’s and that this is primarily a show for young girls. As such the writer will probably never be what I hope it is as a quarter of a century person. I also understand that Thomas Austruc and the writers constantly get crap from people about various of small nitpicks. I also don’t know the episode order so I do not know what should is being addressed later on or it is mainly spotted around randomly I really like this show and while it not what I expected for what it is. I enjoy. There are limits for what can be told within a 23-minute episode. I also know that regardless of what the Show’s Creator wants to make, things can get into the way in order to make it... ‘marketable’. Mainly. Producers. So I can understand why the concept art days are different  So any complaints I have aren’t really in anger... but in contemplation. There is a bit of frustration. (Also if I see or hear of anyone using this to harass/blame/spread hate to any fan or the show’s creative team, I will tear you a new one. This is never supposed to be used against the writers or ANYONE WHO HAS A DIFFERENT OPINION THAN YOU. DO NOT BE A JERK ABOUT IT!) Season 3 has been pretty darn great. Has a lot potential and lore and all that good stuff. But while watching it, I get been noticing something lacking most episodes.

Something that I originally that made me interested in this show ALL the way back to the Concept Art days. The partnership. The Yin and Yang. 

Remember when Chat sacrificed himself in Timerbreaker? Or in Stormy Weather how both heroes worked to protect each other? each having a shining moment? Remember in Gamer 2.0 Chat’s speech to ladybug about their trust and partnership? Well... doesn’t feel like much when we look at the episodes. I love Marinette/Ladybug. She is a wonderful figure for young girls and others to look up to and a good written female character. But recently that admiration is fading when... every episode she seems to overcome everything usually by herself or with her own ideas. And... I get it. The media is saturated with far too many male characters and I understand the desire to make a prominent female character... Yet... I keep getting that Ladybug solves so many of her problems... far too easily. Even her mistakes seem to pale. Only Lila has given her a problem and it is extremely one-sided and not... well... it just results in salt and that is not a good way to challenge our heroine. With the episode Kwami Buster, she did everything her self and got off with it no sweat. Same with Christmaster and more than a fair share of episodes of Ladybug hardly needing Chat’s actual help or protection or even a second opinion (as chat is always portrayed as wrong/dense) and I feel like he has been reduced to merely an object for the Ladybug Lucky Charm plans.  It Dismissing Chat Noir or Adrien as a viable character with his own development isn't the way to highlight Marinette/Ladybug as a strong role model. The show is Tale of ladybug AND chat Noir. I am fine with Adrien getting less development time in comparison to Marinette but he hasn't had any really except MAYBE puppeteer 2.0. Gabriel and Nathalie of all people have had loads of development time in their short limited screen time. And I get superhero show needs good villains for a good compliment to a hero. But the supposed secondary protagonist? The only real thing I remember Chat doing that didn’t involve him being a pun or  But I am noticing that Hawkmoth and Mayura have a lot better chemistry and teamwork than ladybug and chat noir.  I don’t know if that is an intentional thing on the creators' part or it is merely the comedy role chat has been reduced to. Again to say, I do love Marinette... but I fear at the rate she is going, her solving everything will make her a... Goku. And by Goku I mean, that the characters/plot/slight obstacle that the show presents cannot even be overcome by anyone else and that Marinette/Ladybug is the only one to save the day. The only episodes she really doesn’t is the episodes featuring the other heroes... or at least their introductions. But even then Marinette is the one who asks them in the first place.  

The fact that Fu and the miraculous box and all of that core lore of the story with Fu is only focused on Marinette shows an imbalance of character direction. You could argue that Chat has Hawkmoth as a father is part of that lore... but when was the last time that was actually a thing except for all the way back in season 2 with The Collector that has even been slightly addressed or experimented with? Marinette has done what Chat is supposed to do several times already. Using the power of destruction... and it saddened me or what cemented the imbalance for me was that one backscreen of the two Mouse Marinette's with both the ladybug and black cat miraculous and the two yin and yangs behind her. She has become her own balance, the fact she only needs to rely on herself to defeat a villain... just... kinda subsided Chat in one of his roles. I’m fine Ladybug getting shinning moments. But the fact that Chat has never really had one, never really was the cause for a brilliant idea or directly responsible for defeating the akuma (maybe there was one but for the life of me I cannot recall it despite recently re-watching the episodes). I don’t mind him taking a back row and being the support to ladybug but maybe a few episodes of where Chat is equal to Ladybug, like back in Stormy weather where each other were bailing their partner out in different situations would be nice. I wanted the Kwami Swap episode to be this, but instead, I had Adrien being Trademark Dense Boy and Marinette doing the work and her solving the problem while doing nearly everything Chat did perfectly. In essence... I am fine with Marinette succeeding. But I would like Chat to do so as well. I do not want a Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable dynamic. Not when Chat Noir is literally half of the show’s title. I want to seem them as partners, Ladybug Asking Chat what to do on certain situations and Chat being the support for Ladybug. Not just puns for Chat and Ladybug always knowing exactly what to do. Maybe this will be addressed later on, maybe the show writers will address this. Maybe I am being delusional and missing the whole point of the show. I honestly hope I am wrong with this. But from what I have seen, it is a regression of Adrien. A sheltered lad who has been emotionally abused by his father and people around him and is forced to wear a perfect mask every day while Chat Noir is his only way of freedom. In Stairtrain, I was happy to see a small development of him breaking the rules... but it is not much further than that. Note: I do not expect this show to be very angsty or dark or turbulent in the emotions and development. Something would be nice though. I would like Chat to be more rebellious against authority, including Ladybug when he thinks she is wrong (which sometimes she should be, it is good for characters to be wrong) And to extent Fu. Maybe I want Chat to start distrusting people and Adrien to grow more snappy and rueful at his situation. Maybe I want him to have a very deep talk to Ladybug as Chat about his lack of input on things, or a moment of her plans using him as one of the parts of her Luck Charm just doesn’t work out because it just doesn’t. I like both characters, but I do not like where only one character shines and the other gets regulated to mere standby unless needed. Already the fandom just regulates chat into dumb tropes and memes because that is all we see of him in the show. I like his playful side, but I know and have seen in the first season he is more than that. I hope Chat Blanc may address this. But I doubt it. Oh well, I’ll keep watching the show. I still like it. What do you guys think? I’m just seeing to much into the situation? Am I not being feminist enough to only want the girl to succeed and that the male deuteragonist should just be regulated for comedy and merely a character for several girls' affections? And once again, I do not hate any character in the show and this is not an Anti Miraculous team post either. I am merely throwing a few thoughts out (and a few frustrations) and this is in no way a ‘Meta’ post. If anyone has specific moments for or against this. Go ahead. I am interested to learn. Just keep it polite people And if you don’t like Miraculous and think I should drop the show... No.