#but also recognizing that he couldnt continue in the same way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

literaila · 2 years

Text

a constant state of bursting atoms.

tasm!peter x fem!reader

summary: stranger danger, and all that, except, of course when its a superhero. (part two)

series masterlist.

warnings: the sames ones from part one but now also teenage boy, gwen is my queen in this btw

a/n: orginally, in my head, this was going to be a lot longer. but then i started acting out aia and making up words and so we moved on. um, not much else, just, you’ve been warned. how many parts, you ask? couldnt tell you. thank you for reading.

there's a slight shake of your head, small, subtle. as if you think that whatever you're seeing is fake.

peter doesn't have the time to react properly before you're walking forward again, hands clenching by your sides, and he's forced to run forward to catch up with you.

"you know my name," he says, obviously, stupidly. mostly because he's not willing to let you walk away without knowing what you're doing out so late.

you turn to look at him again, eyes wider than before.

"i thought i was dreaming."

peter takes note of the circles hidden within the hollows of your cheeks, raining down on your face in a steady drip of exhaustion. he recognizes your bag--the one you always carry your books in--so he's assuming you haven't been home yet.

he wonders, apprehensively, why you aren't there, in bed.

peter looks down at himself for your benefit. "no," he says, head moving slowly. "no, i'm real," he angles his body opposite of yours, slowing starting to walk backward while facing you. "i think."

it doesn't get the smile he was chasing, but gradually, you follow his command, beginning to walk forward. he moves a little bit faster as soon as you do.

he can't help but think that you're very lucky he knows where you're going.

"what're you doing?" you ask him, not unpolite, but more demanding than you'd intended--peter can tell, just from the way your face contorted after you said it. he almost grins to himself.

"oh, you know," peter starts. "earlier i stopped a guy from robbing the bank on 50th. huge guy--he had the biggest gun i've ever seen," he makes a tiny gesture between his two hands, "not the brightest."

you nod along, listening.

"and now, i'm just..." he watches your eyes, takes a moment to look around for anyone else strolling along the streets. "taking a midnight stroll. and talking to strangers." he clicks his tongue. "speaking of, you doing alright?"

your brow furrows. "what do you mean?"

peter turns his body around, slowing his gate and putting a hand under his chin. "i don't know if you're aware of this- i mean you aren't wearing a watch," he makes a show of looking towards your wrists. "but it's very late. and dark." his hand follows his words, fists folding and unfolding.

peter's thoughts flash, for a very brief moment, to the scolding he'd be giving you if it was weeks ago. if he wasn't a coward. if you knew it was him.

he winces behind the mask. see, he's been trying not to remind himself of "if."

your tilt your head up to the sky, looking up at it as if it's the first time you've seen it all day.

peter wonders if it is.

"you didn't know?" he asks after your silence fills the night air for a moment too long.

you shake your head, waking up your eyes again, and looking back at him. you look a bit bewildered. "no, i knew it was late." you say, turning your head so that you can walk side-to-side with him and still keep your eyes attentive. sheepishly, you continue: "i meant to get home earlier but i fell asleep on the subway. it was a longer walk home than i expected."

peter blinks--then realizes you can't see that.

"how do you fall asleep on the subway?" he inquires, even though he's done the same thing himself.

it's just a sentence to fill the words he really wants to say.

"insomnia?" you answer, questionably. the color in your face is drained, a blank canvas, because of the cold.

peter knows you're only wearing the one jacket.

he nods. he's only now just noticed how many blocks far you are from home. a chill goes up his spine, giving him an answer to the thought that had just formed.

"can i help you get home?" peter tilts the end of his words, trying to make the sentence seem less creepy.

your body is still tense as if you're worried someone is going to jump out from somewhere and yell "boo!" your eyes stay focused on peter, but he can see that it's more to observe him, not because you want to.

you've never really liked strangers, he knows.

and you prove that as soon as you start shaking your head. "it's not far," you say, adamantly. you smile though, just to be a graceful rejector.

"it's cold."

you shrug, burrowing yourself further into the jacket you're wearing. "not much."

peter almost smiles, then catches himself, playing his laugh off as a cough. he can feel your goosebumps from a foot away.

he knows why he's holding onto this--and it's not just because he's worried about you being out too late.

he won't deny that he's missed your overly polite manner, the curiosity you hold for complete strangers. even ones wearing a costume.

"okay," he sighs, stepping back in front of you, rubbing his gloves together to create friction. he rubs a gloved hand on the back of his neck.

you're staring, not unkindly. maybe you're waiting for him to leave.

"are you sure?" he checks, tilting his head.

he's relieved when he sees you smile. when he knows that you know he's joking. you've caught on quickly.

"are you this eager to help every innocent person you pass or are you just shaken up from the huge robber?"

peter feels a steady feeling emerge from his chest, warming his suit from the inside out.

he looks away from you, then back again, to see if you're smiling the same as he is, but when he looks over, your eyes have faded, your face shifting into something confused.

you don't notice when he tilts his head, curious.

you look at him, eyes still tentative. different from before. your face is blatant, shifting with every new thought you have.

peter forgot just how intimidating that could be. he forgot that he was speaking to you as someone else.

forgot that he just wanted to make sure you were okay.

"yes," he deadpans, speaking too quickly all of the sudden. he nods his head, moving his numb fingers to make sure that his webs are still there.

he nods again, looking up at the building closest to the two of you, and then back.

he knows you can't see it, but he hopes you're intuitive enough to know that he's smiling.

"just shout if you need help," he says.

and then he's gone. leaving again.

peter listens to the passing conversations as he walks the halls.

the days have begun to blend together, an array of colors combining to make nothing but the dullest shade of brown. there is nothing to make them stand out; no interesting classes, no curious eyes peeking over his shoulder. he does not listen to the gentle melody of your laugh, he does not make fun of you for tripping down the stairs.

he curses at himself every time he lets you cross his mind.

if there was a wall he could make a mark on, he would. a cross-hatch full of guilty thoughts.

and even when he tells himself not to, he can't bring himself to keep his head down through the halls. his eyes are attracted, attached, to the thought of you.

so his head stays up, eyes drifting over every other person in the school, listening to conversation with the tiniest hope that he'll hear you say something.

he's always surprised when he does.

every time he hears your quiet voice echoing through the hallway, or he catches a glimpse of you--no matter how small, because, really, how can you quantify a burst of relief?--he's taken back. suddenly perishable at the memories he has of your face.

and today, it's only a little bit worse.

it's only the smallest bit harder to avert his eyes. he needed to make sure your face was clear of any clouds, of those dark drops, of the confusion and frustration that stuck to your eyes last night.

he just wanted to ensure you were alright. it's a guilty pleasure, a bittersweet feeling striking his heart as soon as his eyes pass over you.

it only takes a moment to fully observe your face--he could feel when you were coming.

but as soon as he does, his emotions swirl into a dull grey, clouded by the way you keep your head down.

you used to keep your eyes alert, checking to see if he was there yet.

he checks a mark off of his wall, bangs his metaphorical head against the concrete.

he's doing fine.

he keeps his eyes on you, to the backside of your head, tilted down, avoiding any strangers. he watches you until you turn a corner, disappearing again.

he doesn't need to look at you for the rest of the day. he uses that thought to force the familiar disappointment out of his head.

peter is about to turn away, probably not to go to his next class, when he feels a hand drift a bit too close to his arm, too distracted to notice sooner.

his eyes dart towards the hand, a smile forming as he looks at gwen accusingly.

she just smiles back.

peter swings his bag to the other arm, following gwen as she begins to walk through the halls. their pace is familiar, and so is the direction gwen leads him down.

"what's with your face?" she asks, giving him the side-eye.

"is it bruised?" peter brings an absent hand up to his eye, looking for any sore point he must have missed.

gwen sighs. "no, that's fine," peter drops his hand. "i meant the puppy-dog eyes." she turns towards him, staring.

peter blinks, holding her eyes a moment too long and then looking up.

he didn't think she'd caught that.

"i don't have puppy dog eyes," peter protests, angling his body away from her and keeping their path towards the bleachers.

gwen snorts, climbing up the steps and putting her bag down. peter continues walking, pacing back and forth across the stairs.

"you do for one person," gwen mutters as peter climbs along, pretending not to hear her.

they've fallen into a routine, the two of them. a relationship born out of secrets and kept out of desperation.

gwen sits with him most days, listening to whatever words manage to bubble out of his mouth without purpose. he knows that she enjoys his company--slightly, he thinks they could've been friends a lifetime ago--but mostly, he knows that she just feels pity for him.

not that she would say that. her kindness is unrelenting.

"so," she drawls, running a hand through her hair while she toys through her bag. her eyes meet peters, an expected inquiring there. "are you feeling extra masochistic today or did you just have something in your eye?"

"i didn't say anything-" peter starts.

"you didn't have to," her smile is unkind, all-knowing. peter rolls his eyes with her. "did you talk to y/n?"

peter stops his pacing, his back turned towards her.

he purses his lips, feeling his fingers dig into his wrist. spider-man didn't ask for a name, and now, just hearing it, he knows that it was a good decision.

his strength is relentless, bruises form on his wrists, filling the piece that's missing.

he shakes his head, small movement. "no- i told you." his fingers let go, a breath escapes him. "i told you why i cant-"

"you told me you were being an idiot," peter turns around, faking hurt eyes at her. "and i told you-"

"gwen-"

"that you're just putting yourself through pain for no reason."

peter winces. he runs his eyes over every spare object he can see. breathes in the air just enough to smell nothing at all. he scans the area in every possible way, with every sense he knows how to use.

and still, it's not enough distraction to keep that feeling away.

the one he's been avoiding, the one he removed from his dictionary.

he marks the wall again, feeling the guilt invade his body in a steady pulse of dull colors.

"it's not for no reason." he's firm on that. already decided. he leaves no room for argument.

gwen doesn't seem to care. "is it making you feel better?" she asks, voice filled with disbelief. "is it making her feel better?"

peter goes and sits down next to her, shaking his head while he slides the book in her lap into his own. he plays with the pages, not breaking eye contact with gwen.

she smirks at his restless hands but refuses to break the staring contest.

"it will," peter whispers, hesitant.

he's sure, he promises.

and he knows the rest of gwen's argument. he's seen the antithesis written on the walls. he's heard the screams from miles away. he's checked his texts for more and more understanding, feeling disappointed when he finds none.

he knows--really--that this is hurting you. he knows you well enough to know that.

"in a couple of weeks," he starts but gwen scoffs so peter corrects himself. "months, it will be different. i never thought it would be easy-"

"why don't you just tell her?" the question repeats itself in his head, an erasable pen with red ink. it's plastered into his brain, a constant repetition of the same words.

why don't you tell her? he's thought. but only selfishly, only for himself.

he barely lets himself think the words now.

he shakes his head, fast, quickly, insistent. "i cant."

and that's all. he pretends not to hear gwen sigh, pretends not to listen to the irritation in both of their voices. he's not exactly sure why he allowed this conversation to happen in the first place.

gwen takes her book back, giving peter the chance to stand up again, to resume his energy, his pacing back and forth.

a constant state of bursting atoms.

it's a moment before gwen begins speaking again, ignoring the obvious tension. "you're not going to tell me why you were staring?"

peters mind returns to the present, to the original point.

he winces, already knowing that this is about to get worse.

"uh," he turns to face gwen again, expression full of nothing but shame. "a certain-" he clears his throat. "-spider-like hero had an interaction with a certain civilian last night-"

"you didn't."

"and, as an attentive person i just wanted to make sure that everything was in order-" peters words begin to slow, hands following his movements. he doesn't need to look at gwen to see her scolding eyes. "this morning." he finishes.

he turns back around, whistling as he fakes his nonchalance.

he really is an idiot.

"you did not put on a costume and go talk to y/n when you won't even-"

"it was really late," peter says, in his own defense.

gwen just sighs, throwing her head back and groaning.

peter's wince feels inadmissible.

"peter, you know that's not fair." her voice is soft, convincing, as she tells him. peter would honestly prefer a chiding.

"i know, i know." he mutters, turning back around to go sit next to her.

"you can't do that. not if you're not going to tell her the truth."

and peter doesn't even need to answer.

he knows.

and yet.

he doesn't mean to scare you again.

and, he promises to himself as soon as he's seen enough to recognize you, it wasn't his intention to talk with you--like this, blurry eyes and all--ever again.

and yet, how can he blame himself when you're walking the streets alone, eyes facing the ground in an attempt to yield yourself from the streetlights, bag rattling against your leg?

his body is exhausted, aching from overexertion, and still, his eyes managed to find their way to you.

he doesn't let himself wonder why you're still up, why you're still outside in the stiff, cold air. that seems unfair.

he wouldn't be asking those questions if you were anyone else.

and so, he tries not to note the way you flinch when his feet hit the ground.

"i'm starting to think you're a bit of a night owl," he says, standing up in front of you, keeping his hands where you can see them.

it's the unconscious acts that'll kill him.

your eyes pass down him, blinking rapidly. "that would make you the same." your voice is rough, groggy, hidden beneath the thick air. your shoulders are slouched, caving into yourself. you look more exhausted than he feels.

or maybe peter's imagining things.

"don't worry," he laughs, moving, in turn, to walk with you. "i was just waiting for a stranger to show up."

your brow furrows for a moment, eyes drifting away from the ones you weren't aware you were looking at.

"are you going to ask me if i'm cold again?" you say, just loud enough for him to hear, somewhat irritated, somewhat amused. "because i can assure you, i'm not. just tired."

"fall asleep on the subway, again?" his voice is more pleasant than yours, a perfect collection of syllables, a perfectly practiced question.

he wonders if you don't recognize his voice, or if you've just forgotten how he sounds.

either way, he's not supposed to care, he reminds himself. the exhaustion is getting to him.

the smile on his face feels cheap, a knock-off from the actual version.

"no, unfortunately." your eyes turn back to him, dark circles looking brighter underneath the streetlights.

"then how come i'm here, making sure you don't get murdered?" his voice, he hopes you don't notice, is tainted with something serious. he's unconsciously reached a hand out towards you, trying to lessen the distance between the two of you.

he pulls it back, feeling claustrophobic in his suit.

"do you save a lot of people getting murdered?" peter looks over to you, surprised to see that you're genuinely curious, eyes a bit brighter with the emotion.

you run a hand over your face, scratching at your jaw while you stare at him, lips pursed in a gentle lull.

he almost lets himself get distracted by the movement.

instead, nods and tilts his head, letting his sarcasm be heard in his voice: "no, mostly i just help old ladies crossing the street."

your head tilts up, small grin playing at your lips. "that's a joke, right?"

peter nods, actually, this time.

you nod with him, walking slowly. there's something about your slow pace, the steady rate of your breathing--exact. as if you're counting the seconds it takes--that makes peters eyes follow you, looking down to where your hand is tapping a steady beat against your leg.

you're biding your time, trying not to walk too fast--he remembers, a conversation, just something you told him a long time ago. about how to waste time.

you're more than tired, he knows.

"how far away is your house?" he asks, keeping the apprehension out of his voice.

your eyes snap up, roaming over his masked face. when it was just the two of you, before, you read him differently than anyone else ever had. you saw a brief twitch in his lips and knew everything he was thinking.

he's almost thankful you can't do that now.

"a couple more blocks from here," you say, nodding. "not far."

peter swings his body, slowly, until he's standing in front of you, hand on his chin in a joking manner.

he waits for you to stop, and once you do, trying to avoid knocking into his body, he begins to speak. "don't you think a sleep-deprived superhero might be a cause for concern?"

your brows furrow, staring up at him--a masked stranger with a strange sense of humor. "...i guess so."

peter hums, turning around so begin walking again, exaggerating his movements so your eyes stay focused on him.

he hears you take a few hesitant steps forward.

"if this is you saying that you have to get home..." you leave the end of the sentence off, allowing him a moment to agree or disagree. when peter doesn't, enjoying your curious and awake voice, you continue. "i'm sure i'll be okay for another ten minutes alone."

peter turns around and bursts out laughing, clapping his hands together while you stare at him confused.

"what?" you ask, looking strongly concerned for his sanity.

"where do you live?" he asks, voice returning to normal in an instant.

or as normal as he's allowed to make it around you.

immediately, you're walking past him, smile just a bit moronic. "that's a bit personal, don't you think, spider-man?" you're looking at him like he's bizarre. like this is the weirdest conversation you've ever had.

he's really trying not to notice how your eyes have peeked up, your body holding itself up, the tension in your back disappearing as if it had never been there. he's trying not to observe you the way a friend would. it's just...

"well, as the only other person out here at this current moment," he pretends to look around and check. "no, i don't."

you scoff, still staring at him.

"i'm tired," he says, a bit more pleadingly than intended. "you're tired." he doesn't allow you a moment to argue.

he moves a little bit closer to you.

"i'm not tired," you tell him as if it isn't midnight.

and he can see himself, a desire in front of his eyes, moving in front of you, tracing the darkness under your eyes, moving your face so he can observe, just close enough, for a moment. he sees himself, unafraid of you and the stronghold you have on him.

and then he shakes his head, banning any more images from showing up.

"it'll take a minute," peter promises, still a couple of feet away from you. "i'm just going to swing you home, and then i'll leave. i can't let you walk around at night, again."

"because of... moral obligation?" you ask him, confused eyes not letting go. your voice is shaking, freezing without the motion keeping your body awake. he notes the difference from the other night to now--the curiosity that's spread itself across your face. rather than the frustration, he saw before.

"it physically hurt me, last time," he tells you, voice monotone.

you sigh quietly, looking around.

peter can see the resistance in your face falter. hopefully, you've realized that he's not going to give up.

"i'll be-" you start, voice drawing off as you notice one of peter's hands fiddling with his wrists. "swing?" you clarify, voice going higher with the word.

peter nods, tilting his head. "it's not dangerous," he smiles. "i have some experience."

you stare down at the floor, digging the heel of your shoe into the ground awkwardly. "do you require payment, or will you just put it on my tab?"

"no tab." he rests his chin on his fist. "my only requirement is that you stop falling asleep on the subway." his voice is amused, his body relaxed as he stares at you.

you ignore that, he can tell, and grab your bag to hold it closer to your side. "only a minute?" you ask him.

peter nods. he clears his throat, suddenly feeling the worry hit--your unrelenting trust in him is very motivating. "can i touch you?" he asks softly, holding his hands out in a gesture of innocence.

you shake your head, eyes wide as you stare at him. and then you look up, all the way, a bit terrified at the height.

"i'm only doing this because i've seen you on the news," you say, voice a bit like you're trying to threaten him. "and," you look back down. "you seem pretty good at it." you contort your face into something hard, trying to make yourself look less terrified.

he does not find it intimidating whatsoever, but he nods his head in agreement. his hands are still out, patiently waiting for your permission.

"okay," you say.

and in a motion to grab you, peter pretends that there's no weight in the words.

he pretends he doesn't feel you relax into his arms.

peter shuts your window with a sudden rattle of wind coming over his body.

he waves gently, keeping his head up as he watches you slip off your shoes. you give him a smile as a final goodbye.

he feels insane.

he feels his body, moving, insistent against the night air. he feels his mind beg to go back inside, to tell you the truth, to stop pretending that this is okay.

the silence alone is enough to convince him.

peter begs for the guilt to leave. he begs for this not to feel so much like lying when all he's trying to do is keep you safe.

he feels like a monster, now, with his mask on. running after you in the dark because he was worried that you might've been alone.

he swings away in an instant, going as far as his arm will allow him before releasing.

he wasn't supposed to do that.

any of it.

he wasn't supposed to find you again, he wasn't supposed to care about the recklessness you had decided on, he wasn't supposed to care that you looked so tired. and he wasn't supposed to care that he just wanted a smile out of you.

he should scribble all over the wall now. he's just broken every unspoken rule.

he's let exhaustion cloud his judgment, a foolish mistake he thinks he'll probably make again.

he thinks of how fast you were to trust him--spider-man--and he wonders if maybe that's supposed to show that he's doing the right thing. you have a good intuition, don't you?

he thinks of your awake eyes, filled with a color that looked different to him lately. a color different from the night before.

he feels the guilt drip down his skin in a gentle flood. he feels it touching every point of his skin, something poisonous.

but still, he can feel the lines of a smile on his face.

if he concentrates enough, he can ignore the guilt--shove it aside--and he can focus on the steady melody of his heartbeat, sounding a bit like how he felt when he made you laugh.

it's been weeks. weeks of dull colors, and ruined emotions.

and then there were two days, singular moments within smaller hours, where new colors appeared.

and he hates it, he hates that he can't even do the one thing he promised himself he would do.

he hates that he's hurt you so plainly just to go and seek you out like this.

but then, he feels exhaustion wear on him.

and as he goes home, heartbeat louder than the wind in his ears, he thinks that maybe he can offer you something else.

he thinks of the shift in your face tonight, the laughter he's pleaded to himself for.

he thinks that he could do it, again.

even from a skintight suit.

my masterlist here.

part three.

#tasm peter x reader #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!spiderman x reader #tasm #tasm peter parker #tasm peter x you #spider-man #andrew!spiderman #the amazing spider-man #andrew garfield!spiderman x reader #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #andrew garfield x reader #andrew!peter x reader

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dr4cking · 3 years

Note

I just came across your blog and I love your writing so much. Can I request where reader and draco are in a secret relationship so she likes to tease him in public by flirting with guys!? And he gets like so possessive and fucks the living shit out of her 🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️

Consequences.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | anon requested.

a/n : thank you for requesting! this was so fun to write! <3

this is one of the most excited things she got when she signed a deal to be in a relationship with the one and only, draco malfoy.

they have been secretly dating for 7 months and the fact that no one know about this, making the adrenaline of getting caught more exciting.

y/n loves how draco would treated her like she is the only girl for him, which is true. but she also likes how she would seek a chance of getting him worked up when she gets on his skin then she would get what she wanted.

like now, it was no different days but she decided she would add some fun today, she loves when he goes rough with her in bed and now she makes sure she would get it without having to look desperate.

y/n smirked as the brightest idea popped up in her mind. draco is the type of jealous and overprotective boyfriend, so why doesnt she proves it today?

she admit she was kinda scared when she saw the angry version of her boyfriend but she loved it at the same time. she likes to tease him, knowing he cant do anything.

and if this how she would get what she wanted then she would take it.

she walked out of her dorm and run downstairs, she knew draco already waiting for her in the great hall. it would be the perfect chance for her.

her eyes looking for the blonde haired guy as soon as she entered the great hall and she found him already looking at her, his eyes were telling her to sit near him,

but no, not today.

y/n took a seat beside theodore nott, a friend of draco who would always take his chance to flirt with all the girls who passed by him.

“hey nott, you’re looking good today” y/n raising her voice a little bit louder on purpose, draco who sat across them already fuming at her flirty voices.

“hey y/n its all you, looking hot as always.” she laughs although its not really funny, she cringed at the way her laugh sounds but play it along when she heard a thumped sounds from a fork dropped to the plate.

y/n continues her flirting with theo touching his arm and laughing about his jokes until it was time for their class. she looks at draco’s red face and give him a wink and a smirk.

“what the fuck is up with your bratty behavior today?” draco asked as he walks past her, he makes sure no one was looking in their direction.

“who are you calling brat? because i’m for sure not one.” y/n replied giving him her sly grin before she runs to the class not giving him the chance to answer her.

they were sitting next to each other in potions class, draco tried his best not to distracting the class by calling y/n’s name at any chance he got but she was still ignoring him and told him it was nothing.

“baby, did i do something wrong?” she swore she almost wanted to stop all her game when she heard the intonation in his voice but she decided to be stubborn.

“its nothing draco i promise” y/n shoots him a smile reassuring him, the least she could do right now.

professor snape called out and announce that they’re gonna make a new potion and have to partner up with someone and when he listed her name with harry potter, she couldnt get more excited as she look at draco and shot him an apologetic smile.

“hey y/n, could you bring the ingredients i’m still working on how to make this properly” she nodded at harry’s order and get the ingredients immediately but not before taking a look at draco and swaying her hips on her way making him glared at her.

“here, harry. so, what’s the first step?” y/n asked and do what harry instructed.

she keeps asking him not-so- important questions to keep their conversation going but to make it worse she touched his arm on purpose and twirling her hair.

draco behind her already watching every move she made.

but whats make draco more mad is when they finished the potion and y/n jumped happily as they successfully made the potion and give the chosen one a tight embrace.

draco stormed out of the class balling his fists up, anger radiates off of him making all people passed by him to back off a little. y/n noticed this right away feeling guilty and decided to follow him but he was nowhere at the sight.

she was still looking around for draco asking people if they’ve seen him but the answer is no.

until a cold hand grabbed her wrist harshly and pulling her in one of abandoned class. she yelped when the person lock the door and put his hand on her mouth to muffled her scream.

“you did that on purpose, dont you, brat?” y/n rubbed her thighs together as she recognized the deep voice behind her, its draco.

“now you gonna have to stay quiet and be a good girl for me while i teached you some lesson, yeah?” she only nodded at him cant speak as his hand still on her mouth.

“for the whole day i’ve been wondering what i did wrong to make you act like an ungrateful brat. but all i see now is that you just need to be tamed, right?” draco whispers into her ear guiding his free hand down to the bottom of her skirt after y/n gives him a nod of permission.

he sneaked his hand under her skirt and put it in her panties rubbing her cunt getting her aroused then he pushed in his fingers into her without warning making her body jolt out.

“you just wanted to be fucked braindead, yeah? what a dumb girl” his hand still remain on her mouth not trusting she would be able to keep her voice down.

y/n put her hand on his hand that were buried deep inside her and pushing his fingers deeper into her starting to fuck herself on his fingers making him chuckle.

“think you deserve to cum after what you did earlier, hm?” draco said taking all the control in his hand and starts to thrusting his fingers deeper and faster.

his long fingers abused her cunt just like the way she needed and when he curls them inside she screamed, luckily his other hand still covering her. she was squirming there and then under his touch.

y/n rolled her eyes back in pleasure when his fingers meet her spot and pumping into it over and over again.

draco feels her walls clenching around him and quickly pulled them out of her leaving the girl whining.

“think about the consequences next time, princess.” draco turns her around and pushes her chest against the wall, placing her ass right in front of his crotch.

“i’m sorry i’m sorry draco! please i need to cum.. fuck me please dray punish me!” y/n finally let her voice out as his hands are too busy roaming around her body.

a hard smack delivered to her ass making a loud sound causing her to whimpered at the sting.

“stay quiet princess or i will not consider about giving you the chance to cum” she shuts her mouth instantly as draco unbuckled his pants letting it falls to his ankle.

y/n cant help but letting out high pitched moan when his hand came in contact with her marked ass again and when he pushed her panties aside finally lining up his cock against her entrance.

“now you will remember who you belong to.” draco said as he slammed all of his cock inside her, pounding into her right away not giving her time to adjust.

“oh fuck! y-yes dray..” y/n moans out loud which earned her another slap on her sore ass.

“quiet, brat” she tried to hold her moan by biting her lips but it just slipped off of her especially when his tip hit her spot.

draco’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, groaning quietly as he let himself disappear inside her going in and out of her with snaps of his hips, each time it gets harder and faster.

he roughly squeezed her breasts through her shirt making her shirt ruffled and messy before letting his hand down to circling her clit.

“make yourself cum, y/n.” he slaps her sensitive clit a few times making her writhed, ripping her orgasm through her body, she doesnt care anymore when she moaned his name out loud.

“feels so fucking good” with the last thrust, draco stilled and shoots his thick cum into her non stop, painting her walls white with his liquids over and over again making the girl moaned when her panties became sticky.

draco pulls out and put his pants back on. he stared at her fucked out body before turning her around to face him and quickly pressing their lips together kissing her passionately.

“next time just ask me if you want your needy pussy to get pounded hard by me. dont you dare do that stunt ever again.” y/n nodded at his words giving him a cheeky grin. sweats running through their bodies.

and when they opened the door, all the students that passed by giving them a weird look, draco smirked at them before pulling y/n back into a deep kiss.

“mine.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

pls i love this one-

tagging : @dracoscum (unblock me hoe) @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @underappreciated-spoon-321 @youreso-golden @silverdelirium @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @famishedbeak @arzfia @starstruckgranger @lieswithoutfairytales @slut4dracoo @alexthealexthealex

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy smut #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x you #draco oneshot #draco fanfiction #draco smut #draco x reader #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy angst #harry potter

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lunaticsandidiots · 2 years

Text

👀’s Adrian + Getting Caught Out [drabble]

z’s note: ok oculus (thats ur name now i couldnt think of anything else bye) this is fucking incredible i am obSESSED with this pleaaaase its genius!

“Imagine being Adrian's friend, you gift him this bath set from the body shop that smells AMAZING for his birthday. He's so happy to receive it that he decides he will only use it from now on. Everytime you meet up, you can recognize the scent from the set you gave him, which makes you very happy.

One night, after partying with your coworkers, you decide to go home by bus because your phone died and can't get an uber. The bus is late and a sketchy person approaches you asking for a cigar, you politely answer that you don't smoke. This person pushes you and pulls your bum bag, their intention was to steal your wallet since the beginning and they were going to get it no matter what.

You yell,but it's so late no one is on the street.

No one except for him.

A dark figure runs towards the scene, you're not sure if that person heard you and they're coming to help or if it's an accomplice. "Fuck fuck fuck" you repeat to yourself. "Should I just let them get the bum bag? I don't wanna end up at the hospital..." your thoughts are interrupted when the masked figure restrains the burglar and you're free. In a matter of seconds, the burglar is on their knees and have a gun pointed to their head. "Wait!" You yell at the man in front of you "That store's security camera has everything recorded and I'll call the police. Don't kill them, please" you beg while grabbing his arm. He seems confused by the way he tilts his head, looks at their now missed kill and lifts the gun. The burglar runs away, not looking back in case that dude decided to shoot.

You take a good look at him. You've seen him somewhere...in the news, right?

"You're him. I mean Vigilante. That guy that... you know, kill lawbreakers" you still have his arm grabbed, you're shocked he was nearby to help you.

He coughs several times and asks with a weird voice if you have any way to go home since bus company is on a strike. You answer no, and also point out your ankle hurts from the fight. He kneels down and tells you to jump on his back. "I can walk you home" he offers, again with that weird voice. Was it made up? You do as he says. Last time someone gave you a piggyride you were a kid, now you weigh way more and wonder if he'll get tired soon and bail. But he doesn't.

On the way home you place your chin on his shoulder. There's something off, something that feels familiar about him... what is it? You get closer to Vigilante's neck and inhale. He immediately asks what are you doing, and if you could stop because it makes him uncomfortable. You don't answer, and continue to smell his neck looking for that memory in the back of your head.

That's it.

He smells like that set you gave to your friend Adrian Chase.

Now that you think about it, Vigilante has same height and similar build to your friend. You were sure of his real identity. Plus, that weird ass voice? Only him would come up with it.

"So ... you told me tomorrow you have full shift and cant come to the comic expo right?" You ask, still close to his neck.

And it comes naturally, he didn't even think about the situation.

"Yeah Daniel is sick so I'm covering for him" Vigilante replies, then he stops. And you start laughing. "What? No no, I mean... who is Daniel?? I DONT KNOW ANY DANIELS" he used his weird voice again, and you laugh even louder.

"Adrian, stop. I mean, Vigilante. But you smell like Adrian, and I'd never forget that scent because I bought it. You also sound like him, and you also know Daniel has been sick for a few days. Cut it off, I caught you." You don't seem mad about the fact your friend kills people, maybe because deep inside you know sometimes the law doesn't apply in the same way for everybody. After you found out and he wasn't able to deny it anymore, he became very chatty and confessed he was worried about you and that's why he was near the club, he was there waiting for you to make sure you would get home safe. He thought for a second to ask you to keep his identity a secret, but he knows there's no need to. You'd never betray him.

"You know... you look kinda hot in this suit. I was starting to have a crush on you. Could you teach me how to fight? That was badass" -👀”

#im obsessed w this #please #pleaaase so good #👀#emoji babies #vigilante #vigilante headcanons #vigilane drabble #vigilante x reader #adrian chase #adrian chase headcanons #adrian chase drabble #adrian chase x reader #headcanons

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tiens-letters · 3 years

Text

with these hands, I vowed to love you

with these hands, I vowed to care for you

and with these hands, I ruined you

Childe (angst)

tw : slight gore and just pure pain

...

It was that time of the year again, going back to the snowy region was a bliss for you. Having to visit your fiancée's family was an unspoken tradition after he introduced you to them. They practically took you in as one of them immediately, especially that little angel brother of his.

Teucer.

The train ride was comfortable , the window giving you the familiar beauty of the snowy landscape of snezhenaya. It was snug inside the rather spacious compartment Childe rented out, even when you told him that you'd rather share a normal one due to your thrifty nature he'd shrug it off, claiming it that he has too much mora and nowhere to spend it on other than you.

Gifts from him would scare you as you knew these weren't anywhere cheap. Everything he gave was expensive, he loved showering you in gifts and it made you feel so overwhelmed.

"Ajax, you're spending too much." you were visibly sweating beside him as he picked out another one of the dresses on display at the local boutique of Liyue.

"I think this one would suit you better, don't you think so love?" of course he wasn't listening, placing the dress in front of you

"Ajax." you frowned at him

" I just want to spoil you." he whines

"I know but sometimes its just..." you stopped yourself before saying anything further in fear of offending him

"Was it too much again?" the tone in his voice softens as he puts back the dress, he knew how you didn't like that habit of his, formed from the first time he saw you down by the docks.

"One dress, Ajax. One is enough since you picked it out for me." you gave in not wanting to see him so dejected, he immediately brightens up as he pecks you on cheek before rushing off to a different aisle of clothing. Sighing, you sat down on the sofa present in the shop, watching the ginger decide thoroughly of what dress to buy.

But of course, your love for one another runs deeper than things bought off gold nor silver. No, it ran deeper than anything else, rivaling the oceanic depths.

"What are you thinking about hmm?" he hums below you, head resting against your lap.

"Im just happy to be visiting again, that's all." you smile, nimble hands brushing through his soft hair "Sleep well?"

"You bet I did." he grins taking your hand and placing a kiss to your beating pulse and then another and another, showering you in his deeply rooted affection. Soon his kisses reached where they are supposed to belong, those soft lips of yours and then inching their way to the sensitive spots on your neck, leaving marks only he can place on you.

Breathless and bothered, you pushed him back "The attendants are gonna see, you idiot." at least you still had some control in you

"They will only arrive when we call them , so its fine to have a little fun before we arrive." there was that sly grin of his as he continued in where you both left off, ears perking to hear more sounds exclusively for him and him only.

"You horny bastard!"

...

It was cozy by the hearth, you and his siblings huddled together in one single fleece blanket, steaming cups of hot cocoa in hand. Childish giggles and hushed stories erupted amongst you. Teucer having wrapped in your arms as he snuggled closer. Anthon and Tonia flanking your sides.

"Hey, who's fiancé do you think you guys are coveting?"

"Oh don't be like that, your siblings just miss them." his mother chided from the couch where she sat, an open book on her lap, she didn't seem to age and always looked so young that at first you were shocked to have been introduced to her.

"But mom, I haven't seen her all day." her son pouts as if he were still a child denied his candy

"Give me a break, you're always clinging onto her you know." his sister rolls those identical thalassic eyes at him "You wont die if you go a day without her."

"Listen here you little---"

"Ajax." you interjected, as much as you enjoy the siblingly banter of theirs, you cant have them going at each other with offensive words. His pleading gaze aimed at you as he practically begged for you both to go home.

"Please?"

"After I put Teucer to bed." you sighed, standing up with the youngest in your arms

"Seriously this guy." his sister groaned "I was having a good time."

"Tonia dear, we can continue our conversations tomorrow." you winked at her, it was a promise

"Fine."

Both of you bid farewell to his mother and made your way towards Teucer's room and tucking him in.

"Happy?" you turned to your fiancée, a narrowed look in your eyes as he grinned beside you

"Of course, sweetheart!" he pecked your lips as he pulled you closer

"Can you not do it in Teucer's room? Have some shame." his siblings' comments were endless, this time it was from his older brother.

"That's why were going home." Childe picked you up as you made a surprised yelp making the other party roll his eyes "Also, get ready to lose tomorrow brother. I'm getting that white deer for my lady."

"I'm looking forward to it."

The walk was short towards Childe's home as he preferred living alone. It was a grandiose manor and you were sure you will never get used to how big it was and filled with such furnitures of the finest quality.

"Well, how was your day darling?" you hummed, arms snaking around his neck

"Oh you wouldn't believe it."

...

It was there.

You felt it in the cold breeze that wafted into the room.

A shift in the flow of the wind, it was different yet familiar at the same time. Leaving the window open as the harsh temperatures of the night climbed and crawled inside. The curtains danced in the turbulent current of the gale, carrying songs only you could hear. Songs that made mountains tremble and build civilizations at the same time.

there was something foreboding, something terrifying and something heavy and dark that devoured anything in its path.

You heard him first before he came in through those doors, that tousled ginger hair of his caked with melting snowflakes in the warm glow of the lamps. His rugged appearance caused by the hunting competition between him and his older siblings induced his worn out state. That soft yet jaded smile of his was what welcomed you as he trudged inside the bedroom, lazily discarding his clothes on the basket for dirty laundry and entering the bathroom for a quick shower.

"why is the window open? " he asks you, sliding inside the warm covers

"I just wanted fresh air ." you smile as you shut the windows and pull the blinds enough for you to see the moon that hung above the sky. Joining him under the covers, you cradled him, his head resting on the crook of your neck. Your hands finding their way into those soft locks of his , entangling them as he hummed softly against you. Those arms of his that held weapons and skin littered with scars both old and new now held you close, so tenderly as if he'd never taken a life before.

"sing me a song, sweetheart. " his queries were simple yet genuine

"of course." you sang until you equated him to a sleeping newborn

It was warm, so warm that you could have mistaken it for a summer afternoon in Liyue, resting on the couch with silken pillows and window showcasing the view of the harbor below. The steaming cups of soothing tea Beidou would brew for you when nights became cold at times she would pay you a visit after trading that would take weeks, months and rarely years.

you slept.

Why is it cold? you wondered, Did Ajax open the windows?

You were blessed by the tsaritsa so such climates shouldn't matter to you.

You woke up.

A shadow was cast over you by the man youve sung to sleep. Virulent blue eyes looked at you with so much abhorrence, for a second you couldnt recognize them and thought it was a stranger to which you were ready to terminate.

"Ajax?" your voice was hoarse, as you slowly lost the feeling in your lips.

He was crazed, still trapped in that dreaming state of his, drifting between experiences. Today was a re-enactment of a memory he would never speak of, not even to you. There were parts of him he'd never tell you, such a soul as yours should never hear.

You choked and coughed as the metallic taste of mortal ichor filled your throat. How could you have not felt anything earlier? Was it because of your futile attempts to coax Ajax back into reality or was it because of the numerous thoughts your mind came up with to he answer as to why he is in such a virulent state. Excruciating pain filled your whole body as you writhed and struggled under his grip. It felt as if something was being ripped out of you.

"Ajax, darling come back to me." you cried, it took so much to even utter a word as you bled out, you know not where but you could feel it. The liquid vital for your survival was seeping out of you, flowing like a lazy river on an autumns day, only that it was warm, sticky and addicting.

"Ajax?" a hiss comes from that mouth, he cringes as you freed your numb hands to hold his face and he let you, seeing as to there was no point in stopping you as you dangerously danced on a tight rope of life and death. You couldn't tell in that delirious disposition of yours if his eyes were shifting between Ajax or the primal eyes of a beast hunting its prey.

It wasn't too late was it?

But why didn't your eyes meet his?

Who snuffed out all the lights?

"I've abandoned that name a long time ago."

The cold took over you completely, freezing you until you broke under his touch with words left dying in your ichor filled lips

and then fear was the last thing you felt.

fear that he might not return to his sweet, charming self.

fear that he will curse everything in his path.

fear that he might attempt to use different various methods to bring back what was lost

and fear of his ruination.

you care not for your death, even in your last minutes of life, you dare not blame him for what he's endured so far. only wishing he never had to experience such in the first place.

This is what the wind warned you about in its lullaby.

...

Childe woke up for the second time.

Oddly more worn out than the day before, but your songs always worked, how come? . He wondered if you left to make breakfast as the covers felt empty as he reached out for you. No, you were a late riser, always having to slumber in the middle of the warm covers of the bed you both share. It was he who mostly did the cooking in the morning. So your presence gone was a displacement in the moment of his waking.

His eyes had to adjust to the view of the room as he sat up, a yawn escaping his lips as he called for you. The pitter-patter sound of the water on the bathroom tiles were non-existent as he strained his ears to hear for any trace of you.

"What..." he was confused as to why the room was trashed, furniture broken in half and strewn about the room, the drapes shredded and laying on the floor and the mirror shattered to pieces, shards sharp enough to cut through skin yet he slept through such a thing?

his first concern was your safety as you had not been present in the room and it him.

the heavy stench of blood lingered in the air. His enjoyment for such things turned into something suffocating because blood was never shed in his own home nor in his very room. In the state of confusion, something dark caught his peripheral vision. A large blemish in the covers beside him, it was dyed a deep dark crimson and he knew well what it was. He began to shake in worry, telling himself not to panic until he finds you safe. All he could remember was you singing him to sleep, held captive in your soft arms, encased in your warmth, so how did it come to such a morning that looked like a result of a monster's tantrum. He calls out for you, his bare feet on the floor as splinters punctured them and he didnt care. he had to find you.

The hallways looked haunting, the portraits on the walls taunting him and he swore he was going lose it if he hadnt found you sooner, every room was achingly vacant and it felt like a dream. He calls for your name again in a frenzy as he rushes through the place, had the mansion been this big? he thinks as he runs down the stairs.

There in the fireplace, the dying embers of fire lit from the night before, wood giving away and turning into coal as the burning smell mingled with similar stench that engulfed the bedroom, the same dark liquid on the sheets was present as well, only that it was painted into the wall and bled down creating a cascading waterfall.

Because there you were, with arms spread out as if welcoming each and every sinner for solace and blessing them with forgiveness, the drying mortal ichor behind you creating a halo. Your lips upturned into something soft as if you'd do anything disgraceful to keep the effeminacy on a soul lost to ruin.

an angel crucified.

that oh so heavenly face of yours could rival anything beautiful, even statues would crumble under you, nations would go to war for you and bodies of those who want you would turn into a throne built for you and you only. You were immortally ethereal even in death.

Ajax, dear sweet Ajax felt his legs give away, energy having siphoned from him as he trembled so much that it could rival the mountains when they shook. Thalassic eyes, wide blown into grief, anguish and all other emotions crashed against him like strong waves that could drown anyone caught up in it. He knelt as pain spread through him like wildfire, burning, scorching and killing. Agonized cries filled the room and if someone were to pass by, they couldve mistaken it for a dying animal. He gasped and choked on his own breath as he dared to look at you, the tears freely flowing from his eyes, down to his pale cheek and finally falling off his trembling chin to be hungrily absorbed by the carpeted floor that was also tarnished by ichor.

He felt crazed as he wept and in that moment of insanity, he remembered. That most disgusting sin he's ever committed that he should never be pardoned for in the life he has right now and the next ones he will be in. Through the blur of tears, he saw his hands and he wished he didnt.

Sullied hands befitting a murderer.

He screams into the ground, doubling over as his hands find their way into his hair, gripping it and ripping out those jacinthe locks of his. He could never forgive himself now and he never will. He wails out loud until his own throat collapsed into a croaking mess.

and then he couldnt find himself no longer.

The sand of time seemed to trickle down slowly. His eldest siblings came looking for him, to continue the hunt. A once peaceful encounter turned into a nightmarish reality as they witnessed their brother rocking back and forth with you gingerly wrapped in his arms, mumbling your name. Lips pressed to your forehead as he prayed and begged for forgiveness over and over in hushed torn whispers as if it were enough to bring you back and cover that gaping hole in your abdomen.

"What did you do?"

...

"Brother, when are they coming back?"

Oh darling Teucer, innocence reflecting off his eyes as he tugged on his brother's sleeve. The toy you gifted him clutched tightly at his side.

"I dont know kid, their mission was sudden so its best to wait. Can you do that Teuc?" the truth about you was kept behind closed doors, only adults can speak of and if they did, it took time to keep the conversation smooth and off of any grief nor sadness when your name reached their tongue. The younger ones would never know until the time is right. When everything was taken care of and hearts moved on.

Your funeral was held in secrecy yet was it was grand. Something that would hold the significance of your memories with them. It was beautiful, your favorite flowers lined along your coffin, and you. Looking ever so ethereal even when death has kissed you, clad in that dress Childe bought for you.

"uh huh!" the youngest ginger nodded eagerly and skipped away as the eldest sighed into his hands, the pressure weighing heavily on his shoulders as he worried more and more about his younger sibling. Another memory, a mind broken and a his soul withering. was there any way to save him?

Days seemed to go by as any glimpse of the man was scarce. Until one day they ceased to see him altogether. It started at lunch, a week after the funeral when it took everyone to coax him into eating more as he lost weight and trickled down to a whole day. Cooped up in his room, clinging to a pillow with the fading scent of you. and then he was gone, like a snowflake melting upon ones forehead. They grew anxious and thought of the worse until they caught wind that he was back in Liyue from one of the agents only then were they allowed to breathe a little better.

"Childe, what finds you here?" the calm tone of the geo archon's voice broke him out of his trance

"Have you seen my fiance?" Zhongli blinks at the question of the harbinger, he knew what befell you and yet this man before him seemed clueless enough as to what he committed. How Childe did what he did, he seemed to sympathize with in a way that would make him understand his behavior.

" I have not." he couldnt bring himself to tell this man the truth. Perhaps he was sparing him, spearing that mind of his into spiraling down into nothingness and a heart that was held by a thin piece of thread. "Perhaps it is better to enjoy yourself while you wait for them."

To deviate oneself from the loss might be the best way Childe right now until his mind is ready to accept the torment of the heavy truth that would slew this man.

"I see. " he smiles and yet it feels so empty to Childe, the reason? He wouldnt know or atleast his mind wouldnt allow him to know

"Ill see you around then Xiansheng."

Everything that he portrayed lacked and all he could do as he's always did.

...........

i had to.

I hope yall would get Childe :)

#genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact drabbles #childe #childe angst #childe one shot #childe imagine #childe drabble #ajax #tartaglia

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bloodycassian · 3 years

Text

LEATHERBOUND PART 2 - Reader x Cassian

The bell at the front didn't ring when he stepped inside. The oddity of it made him stop in his tracks. That, and the pile of books you crouched over. "What happened?" He gasped, taking in the small shop. There was broken glass inside, but the front window was already replaced. The shards cast a delicate shimmer over the entire inside. The mud caked onto the back wall where your desk sat reeked. "Are you okay?" Concern was painted plainly across his features. Rage roiled inside his gut at the thought of anyone who would do you harm. What if you had been inside when it happened? He couldnt bare to think of it. Couldn't tempt himself to imagine what he would do to whoever did it. He would have showed them why the Lord of Bloodshed was named as such. His rage ceased when he saw the strain your wings showed as you tried to push one of the stacks of books back up. He rushed to your side and helped you push it up, only a few smaller novels fell out. You waved him off, trying to ignore the way his concern made you downright giddy. "Some kids... It happens every now and again." You sighed, picking up the runaways from the floor. You were grateful your collection hadn't been damaged. Thankfully the spells had worked and warded against them actually entering the shop. Cassian stooped to help you pick up the few that had fallen, then you noticed his boots. "Shoes!" You squeaked. He swore under his breath and kicked them off at the front, returning to help you. His muscle was a great help in re organizing. You got the piles straight this time, and without hurting yourself. You also didn't need a ladder to get the stacks all to the same height. "Anything else?" He asked, placing the final pile atop the last row. "Ahh.." You glanced above the door where the bell no longer was. "If you could find me a new bell... I dont know what happened to the old one." The bell had been in the shop since it was your grandmothers. It did hold sentimental value, but nothing that would kill to be gone. It was on its final days anyway you told yourself. "Any preference what kind?" He asked, flipping through a novel about Wyverns. He smiled a bit and set it back where it had been. The glass on the floor reflected rainbows all over the small rooms, it painted your skin with them. He tried not to stare at the beauty there. "One that works." You smiled. "I'm going to owe you that gold piece back for helping me." "Dont worry about it. You can help me in return." You led him to your usual spot at the counter. He leaned against it casually, in a way that made him look at peace in your nook. Your heart squeezed at the thought of him being so at ease in your space. "We're looking for an old tome. Something that you would definitely recognize." He dragged a finger across the tabletop, along a long carved initial of some Illyrian child long ago. You hummed, thinking about the few tomes you'd encountered on your travels before settling in Illyria as a book merchant. "What year?" You asked, hoping to help in some way. Even if it was to steer him a different direction. You wanted to help him find whatever he needed. "Unknown... it may be made from stone." He said, his voice quieting. You stilled at the words. The oldest stone tomes were the ones that meant no good was coming. The book of breathings had been one of them. You could feel the color drain from your face. He nodded, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking. "It's important. If you know anything... please let me know." He gave you a grim smile and patted the desk. "And I expect that cake next time I come over too." He tapped the wood counter and gave you a quick goodbye. "If you need anything let me know!" He called halfway out the door. You wished you could. You wished you did have some way to 'let him know'. you sulked in the back room for the rest of the day. === "Where's my cake?" "It's been two weeks, I gave it to the shop next door." You scolded, putting the silvers from the last customer into your box. "It was going bad." You reasoned when he pouted at you. "Well was it good at least?" He pulled a blue and brown leather clad book from a shelf, observing it. "I dont know, I didn't try it." You admitted, stepping back from the wall to see your newest decoration. A nice wooden clock that you had repaired. He looked at you with an appalled expression. "Despite you not making good on our deal, I made good on mine. Your bell, as requested." He presented the small bronze bell with a hook to you. You grinned, taking it from him and testing it. He watched your eyes light up at the sound. It wasn't just a bell. It was a chime. It rang out different sounds from each angle it hit. "Cass-" He stopped you, ready for your protests. "You cant make me return it. I threw the box in the Sidra and they wont take it back without it." He was smug about it. And he didn't feel bad about making you take the gift either. His hope soared when you gave him a glare, but dinged the bell again. "Well... you need to install it." You nodded to the empty hook above the door. He smiled wildly and got to work. If he was honest with himself, any reason to be around you more was welcome. Even if it was as simple as replacing a bell. Hell if he could read a book to you that'd be a dream for him. He was addicted. He had to admit it to himself. But he didn't have the willpower to quit you. It was a strange feeling. He normally had resentment ever visiting Illyria, but lately it had been nothing but joy at the prospect seeing you. You went to the back room, weaving around stacks upon stacks of books. There had been more incoming lately, due to a temple in Summer court being destroyed. The books salvageable were sent all over Prythian, and somehow most ended up with you. The bell chimed, loud and musical. It would take a few weeks to get used to it. It filled you with a joy that sparked. "That sounds great!" You called, bringing over a book that you had set aside for him. It was one of the older ones in the collection, and one of the worst smelling. You wanted to show him in part just to see his reaction to the smell. It had been at the bottom of one of the stacks that had gotten knocked over when the window was broken. "The Ancient ones? Are you making an age joke at me?" He gave you a mock glare, but flicked open the book. You closed it sharply, giving him a look he didn't understand. "If I was it would be an insult to myself as well. It's the only book I could find that even mentioned what you're after." You flicked the small bookmark you had indicated the page with. Your eyes locked on to his, marveling for a second at the deep hazel there. "You should look at it, later." Your eyes darted behind him where someone approached your door. Your heart dropped. Behind the woman stood a group of Illyrians across the way, pointing at the shop and making large gestures. "I'll be seeing you." You dismissed Cassian, holding open the door for the familiar old woman with shriveled wings. She gave him a nod and kicked her small slippers off with ease. The males across the way turned back into their own conversation when Cassian appeared at the doorway. His eyebrows knit together at your rushing him, but he saw himself out. The bell dinged behind him when he left. The coldness of the wind did nothing to ease the worry he felt for your reaction. Did you not want to be seen with him? Was he supposed to be keeping your meetings a secret? He glanced back to the large storefront window, where you showed the female a section of novels on the far wall. You didn't glance back. The market bustled with life, several vendors calling out deals and different items they offered. A group of loud males spat at the snow slicked ground as he passed. He ignored the rumble of rage in his stomach, continuing on to the edge of a cliffpoint off the back of a shop. He took off with a yearning deep inside the pit of his stomach.

#leatherbound series #reader x cassian #cassian x reader #acotar fic

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szftzy · 2 years

Note

I cant be the only anon who would forgive the archons in the self aware villian! AU. I hate the thought of people begging for ME to forgive instead of the other way around

Also I would definetly hang out with the teens and kids

Nurture and Healing arc?

anyways too much of an amazing idea that now i wanna turn it into a fic suffer lol [also same thing anon i dont wanna hurt them bc no, i would literally feel bad on the spot

Currently Playing: Little Dark Age - MGMT [Recommended to play while reading]

It seemed like a fun game, how did it come to a time where all the characters despised you? when did it come a time where all the characters would blatantly spite harsh words to you on the spot? What did you ever do to gain the title of an imposter? A fraud?

of course, no one would speak of what you are ‘imposing�� If you really were a fraud what did you seem to be copying? your your own person, you werent some divine one, heck even if you were you’d be ashamed to say that these are the people who you created and blessed. Did they deserve it with this type of behavior? lets see what your take on it is..

“police-men swear to god, love‘s seeping from the guns”

you looked down on them as they cried and pleaded for your forgiveness, bowing down ei begged, she didnt know what she was begging for, but she felt as if she owed you an apology, because she definitely did, after all what she put you through isnt deserving for JUST an apology, heck what she owes you is so much more

but, what was your take on it? you felt as if you didnt deserve the pain she was going through, sure yeah she may have badly hurt you, but she werent aware. and besides you didnt want any hard feelings with anyone, you just wanted to be comforted and embraced after all you’ve been through.

zhongli was more quieter, bowing down as he pleased for forgiveness, he felt as if he had failed protecting your legacy, when he saw you for the first time recognizing you as an imposter he simply wanted to protect you, but he did the absolute opposite and he couldn’t forgive himself. He failed his title morax. and he felt as he has broken a contract, and needs a punishment for doing so.

you didn’t want others to be bowing down at you treating you like absolute royalty with whatever luxurious items they had, no you just simply wanted to be embraced and treated as a normal human being, morax was one patient man. He had lived all his life on glory and you think he should continue doing so without any of your approval

when venti found out you were the actual one, and not a fraud he quickly went through the 5 stages of grief twice, he couldnt process it until The next 5 minutes came, you didn't deserve this, infact— he realized how horrible it is to treat a being like this, even if they were an imposter, he felt ashamed, and felt as if he deserves any punishment you give him.

you decided, you slowly stepped down the stairs of (?) and slowly but surely crouched down to venti’s level, he winced; ready for any punishment you give him, instead he feels something ruffling his head.. he opened his eyes and saw you patting his head! which actually made him take everything off his mind for a single minute, Snuggling to the warmth in your hands grasp.

‘i forgive all of you, however why, why do you treat beings you see as an imposter like a rag doll? Like a toy to throw away? Have they done something terrible to you?’

ei perked her head at that, that was actually.. a good question, ever since she locked herself in the planes of her euthymia she hadn’t felt care or affection to a single being, not considering anything about them, a hard cold shield to break guarding her true personality. “If you get out of bed, come find us heading for the bridge, bring a stone. All the rage, my little dark age”

OK I FORGOT TO ADD TAGS ANYWAYS HERES UR DAILY FOOD, [btw you can notice i put a little more effort than usual-]

#sagau genshin #sagau #genshin self aware #yandere genshin impact #gn!reader #self aware genshin #&&.jayfics

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heyitsyn · 4 years

Text

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty��

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry, you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now?

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

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felikatze · 2 years

Note

Oh I would like to add something to the discussion that I actually disagree with the whole thing are planned despite how much, I like A abishihs. Since I view the the whole thing more of a desperate attempt head butting the wall until something stick and also at the same time it is more, than just the process imo? Especially when there are multiple instances where A expressed and said himself that the reason he keeps sit back and watch while everyone dies or the reason he does this is also an attempt to understand Carmen's ideal and finding his way out in the situation that he legit trapped himself in?

Even the A at the final days representation of part of A's psych also expressed fear and doubt of continue walking toward the future since they fear that there are no tomorrow for them or the next day will just be another failure. Even Ayin in the end said that he knows that "he" will try to stop himself since "he" believe that tomorrow will never come but due to the journey throughout lobcorp a him that wasnt exactly like, any of the him before (being the manager X) but also him gain the courage and resolve to move forward due to the conviction and trust he gained from the Sephirah and the will to properly face the past, only then he can move on and the Seed of Light can be realized and the bad endings are the things that existed when the manager (A himself) fail to realize those things (on another hand cognitive filter is legit something that representing the development of his psych from being unable to face the truth to finally be able to view the Sephirah for who they are after he faces them in their suppression, via netzach saying "it is not us who can finally see clearly it you"). It wouldnt make sense if everything is orchestrated since imo if A can already immediately realized those thing on his own and if he doesnt have a slight of self doubt to the point he literally erased his own identity to become someone else different and hope this person will be able to find the answer he couldnt find lob would end in day 1 I think.

I think when you take it as the journey being dependent on A finally gain the will to walk pass his trauma and guilt and finally freeing everyone he has trapped inside lobcorp himself included, 10,000 years to allow yourself to process all of those and to be able to accept your old self again after has been living as another person for ages it I guess, makes sense lol. And A cannot quit midway since he is already in too deep and without this specific goal I legit think he would just give up on living (i.e Angela at some point saying that the promise he made with Carmen is what keeps him alive but at the same time the world that doesnt have her stops having meaning, A during the cycle already showing suicide tendency that the only thing keeps him from going is that "Oh fuck I gotta finish Carmen goal and repay for all the shit I have done" until it doesn't)

oh i recognize that cadence of grammar, hiya! nice to see ya again!

yeah, i get that! It's why i don't buy into the script being a "complete" thing. it very much is headbutting the wall until something works, as you said. we don't know how in detail the script is exactly, besides the broad strokes being included. to write yourself an ending like that in advance, you need to have the belief that you can heal, which Ayin might have but. Gestures back to the point that pre lobcorp post carmen ayin is doing incredibly bad.

bringing up the memory wipe, absolutely! i've said in my Ayin manifesto "A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much." (i feel sort of pretentious quoting myself, but hey, why not).

If we presume the script dictates everything, (which it doesn't since we see angela trying to hammer it into shape in lor flashbacks) there's a duality to A, wherein he knows he is incapable of fulfilling the script, but believes a different version of him can. "him that wasnt exactly like, any of the him before" as you said. It's a lot of introspection he might not have been capable of?

Then again, recognizing your problems and actually getting past them are entirely different problems, so i don't think the point of "if A can already immediately realized those thing on his own" is entirely fair. God knows I'm mentally ill enough to attest to that. You can very much know exactly what your issues are and where they come from, and still be unable to handle it. It's possible he deliberately set up a situation where he could heal, even if it involves wiping his memory so he can dissect his grief and deal with it one thing at a time. The whole thing abt the timetrack stuff again complicates the motivation of the script, since the nature of spending ten thousand years is. a pretty desparate move! yeah!

(the conclusion is once again, god that man was not doing good. he was doing so bad. mental rock bottom. saying carmen's will was his reason to keep on living is not an exaggeration at all. you're completely right on that one)

i wanted to make another paragraph but i forgot what i wanted to say. uhhhhhhhhhhh. hmmmm. now i remember!

carmen as his reason to go on probably also fed into his determination! since he had nothing left to lose, basically. X was doomed before the game even began. He's in too deep, as you said! Passed the point of no return. a very long time ago. a very very long time ago. Carmen's death was the point of no return, basically.

Ending B nicely shows how, as you said, without this goal of Carmen's will he'd just give up. The ending is basically him finding that his goal is out of reach, and just giving up.

The conclusion of all A discussion: this guy is so depressed. dear god.

#Feli gets asked #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina

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bitch-out · 4 years

Text

OKAY i know you didn’t ask for a full length fic but... i couldnt help myself. here it is:

Four times Alex saw signs that the world was changing to become more accepting of people like him, and the one time he actually realized it.

1. TV SHOW

After finishing practice for the night, the band walked into Julie’s house. Luke immediately walked into the kitchen, wanting to see what meal her dad was whipping up. His obsession with watching lifers eat was starting to get a little concerning. Reggie followed after him, wanting to hang out with Julie’s dad. That was also a little concerning.

Julie plopped down on the couch next to her little brother, Carlos, who was watching a TV show that she didn’t recognize. Alex hopped over the couch and took a seat next to her, looking at the screen intently.

“What is he watching?” Alex asked, reclining into the couch.

Julie shrugged in response. “I’m not sure…”

Carlos looked over to her with a questioning expression. “Huh?” Oh crap. She needed to stop talking to the boys while other people were around. It made her look absolutely bonkers.

“…what you’re watching! I’m not sure what you’re watching.” She said quickly, trying to avoid any awkwardness. “What is it?”

He seemed to buy it, letting her weirdness go. “Oh, I’m watching this new show. I forget what it’s called. It’s about this girl who accidentally gets musical superpowers after getting stuck by lightning.”

“Cool,” she answered, settling into the couch. She and Alex watched for a few minutes before looking at each other in confusion. They had absolutely no idea what was going on in the show. They looked at the screen as the main character sighed dramatically, slamming her door while running out of her house. “I’m lost. What’s happening? Why is she so mad?” Julie asked.

Carlos rolled his eyes. “She’s in a fight with her dads right now because they won’t let her go to this big party. Now shhh! It’s getting juicy!”

Luke’s eyes went wide as the scene switched to the main characters dads, who were sharing a tender moment while discussing their child. Two dads? On television? Without it being played off as a joke? He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen.

Julie looked at him inquisitively, noticing his surprised expression. She raised an eyebrow.

“I see.” A soft smile settled on his face. “Cool.” He bit his lip and leaned back.

“Cool.” She agreed. She almost said something, but then decided it would be better for her to wait for him to tell her.

2. PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION

“People watching in 2020 is way better than people watching in the 90’s.” Reggie stated as they walked through downtown LA. They were killing time while Julie was at school. They passed a man in a superhero costume who was taking pictures with tourists.

“I know right?” Luke agreed. “I love looking over people’s shoulder and watching what they’re doing on those… high tech cellphone things.”

“Smartphones,” Alex offered.

“Smartphones, right.”

Reggie ran over to a middle aged guy in a suit sitting on a bench who was looking intently at his phone. “Look at this guy! He’s looking at an article called ‘How to tell if you have foot fungus’.” He wrinkled his nose. “Gross. You might wanna get that checked out, buddy,” patting his shoulder, his hand passing right through.

Luke looked around for someone else to observe. “Okay see the one over there in the blue striped shirt eating a chili dog?” He pointed over to his left to a man walking away from a hot dog stand.

The man went to take a bite out of his chili dog but dripped it all down the front of his shirt. “Oooooh…. Missed his mouth on that one,” Luke said, cringing.

“That’s nasty,” Alex chimed in.

A guy who looked to be around their age speed walked past them, looking down. He brushed his shaggy blonde hair out of his face as he grinned down at his phone. He was obviously walking with a purpose.

“This guy is hustling! Cmon!” Reggie grinned, jogging after him. Luke and Alex ran over to catch up, all three of them following in pursuit. They all looked over his shoulder to read his text messages. He was texting someone he had named “babe <3” in his contacts.

Can’t wait to see u, his text read, im right around the corner

Reggie whistled. “His girlfriend’s probably a complete hottie if he’s that excited to see her-”

As they turned the corner, the blonde stranger they were following put his phone away as he caught sight of someone. He broke into a run and bear hugged the person, wrapping his arms around them and lifting them off the ground. As he pulled away, it was revealed that the person he was hugging was a brunette guy around the same age as them.

The brunette murmured something, his lips quirking into a smirk. The blonde teen let out a laugh, then pulled him into a kiss.

Alex nearly gasped in surprise, looking around to notice that… not a singular person was looking over. Everyone was just going about their day as normal. No glares, no sneers, not even a scoff.

It felt like the breath was sucked out of his lungs. Was this… normal? The couple broke apart and joined hands, continuing down the street. Alex couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. No one had even batted an eyelash at the public display of affection.

To him, it hadn’t been that long ago since 1995. When even looking at someone for too long would get you called a slur. When his own father would call him a-

“Alex? You good?” He was broken out of his thoughts by Luke looking over at him concernedly.

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by someone else.

“There you guys are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

They turned around in tandem to see Julie standing there, her eyes sparkling. And they continued with their day, moment forgotten.

3. MUSIC

Alex found himself once again alone with Julie, hanging out with her in her room. He was the only member of the band she would let hang out with her in here, which filled him with an odd sort of pride.

They were currently listening to one of her Spotify playlists. Julie was doing homework on her bed and Alex was tapping his drumsticks on his knee, following the beat of the song they were listening to. He was getting into the groove of the song “This song has a good beat!” he exclaimed. “What is this?”

She grinned at him. “It’s called ‘Girls like Girls’ by Hayley Kiyoko!” She stood up on her bed, dropping her homework and singing into an imaginary microphone as the chorus hit. She belted at the top of her lungs, “Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new~” She laughed as she flopped back onto her bed.

He gaped at her, surprised that she was treating it with such nonchalance. In the 90’s, this would have been music you listened to at 2 am when your parents were asleep. “Is this a… popular song?” he asked.

“Yeah, I mean it’s from like 2015 so it’s basically ancient but it’s still pretty popular.” She turned back to her homework and picked up her pen. “I think the music video has like over 100 million hits on YouTube or something like that.”

His jaw dropped even further “100 million?”

The timer on her phone went off. The words BAND PRACTICE blared across the screen with the chime of her ringtone. “I’ll show it to you later! But we have to go to rehearsal right now.”

He shook his head and followed her out of the room.

4. COVINGTON

As both his friends were pulled away by girls saucily dancing in feathered blue outfits, Alex stood awkwardly like a fish out of water. Covington slid up to him with a sly smirk on his face. “Come now. You can’t be the only one not dancing.”

“No, I… I know.” Alex sputtered. “I’m just…” Not into dancing with girls? No, he couldn’t just say that. He didn’t want to cause a scene. He pointed over his shoulder. “I’m looking for Willie,” he finished lamely.

Covington seemed to read him like an open book. He smiled and gestured with open palms. “Dante! Fuego!” Two handsome men slid up to either side of him. “Meet Alex.” The linked arms with him.

Alex looked at them, surprised. How did he know? Is this like a theater thing? Or… “You’re welcome,” Covington smirked, ducking down. Is this normal here…?

His thoughts were cut off as he was lifted up over Covington’s head and pulled into a fast-paced dance.

5. PRIDE

“Slow down Willie!” Alex shouted, running after his brunette friend as he skated through lifers and tore down the street.

Willie laughed and hopped off his board, picking it up off the ground. He waited for Alex to catch up with him “Relax, we’re almost here…”

Alex was too busy catching his breath to realize they were in the middle of a giant crowd. Lifers walked through them every few seconds like it was nothing “Wh-What is this?” Alex asked, looking around. Everyone was wearing colorful clothing and most were wearing some kind of glitter.

The skater laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the street. “We’re skating the floats, dude.” He pointed at the bright floats that were parading down the street.

Was this some kind of festival or something? Alex wondered. “Why is everything so… colorful?”

Willie looked at him like he was missing something obvious. “It’s June. Pride month.” Alex didn’t know what that was. He looked around, trying to figure it out. “You’ve never seen a pride parade before?” Willie questioned. Then, he realized. “Right. Right, you’re a 90’s ghost. I keep forgetting about that.” He slapped his forehead.

Then, he realized what this was. Alex turned to his right and saw two women kissing. A couple of guys his age were holding hands right next to him. Signs as far as the eye could see read ‘here and queer’ and ‘all you need is love’ and ‘love is love’ and countless other sayings. His breath stuttered in his chest “This is…”

“I know. Pretty cool, right?” Willie asked, sounding pretty nonchalant. He was scouting out the floats, focused on his task.

“And this is all for…” Alex hesitated, “For gay people?”

“All LGBTQ+ people, technically, but yeah dude.” Willie clarified. He grinned, his eyes set on a float just down the road. He found the perfect route.

“So it really is different now, huh?” Alex asked, his voice cracking slightly. Willie looked back in alarm, not realizing how much this was impacting the drummer beside him. A tear rolled down his cheek, but his smile could not be bigger. Alex continued, “Like I had hoped it was, and there’s been some signs, but this is…” He covered his mouth to hide a sob.

Willie walked over to his side, dropping his skateboard and taking his hand gently. “Yeah, Alex. It’s different. Better. Not perfect, but... a lot better.” He squeezed his hand.

“It’s amazing.” Alex said, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve and grinning. He let out a laugh as a drag queen passed by and waved at the crowd, blowing kisses.

The skater couldn’t take his eyes off of Alex. He was absolutely glowing, basking in the atmosphere of the parade. “You know what? Let’s forget the skating.” Willie decided, taking his skateboard from the side of the street and tucking it in an alley.

“Huh?” Alex was confused. Willie wanted to... not go skating?

“It’s time to get your pride on, Alex.”

Together, they spent the rest of the day exploring every area of pride, ducking through crowds and sneaking onto floats. There was even one point where they ran through a huge glitter cannon, getting absolutely covered in glitter.

After it was all done, Willie teleported back to Julie’s house with him to drop him off.

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had.” Alex admitted, his smile seemed to be permanently glued to his face.

“Me too. I’ve been to tons of pride parades, but none of them were as fun as this one.” Willie admitted.

“Really? What was different about this one? Was it the glitter cannon? It was probably the glitter cannon-”

“It was you, Alex.” The skater said quietly, brushing a couple stray pieces of glitter off of the taller boy’s cheek.

“Oh,” Alex breathed, looking down at Willie. His heart was racing a mile a minute. He hadn’t realized they were standing so close together.

Willie hesitated for a moment. Was this the moment? He didn’t want to rush Alex. He was probably overwhelmed enough after experiencing his first pride. He smiled up at the blonde and patted him on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Alex.” He stepped away and turned to leave.

He was just about to teleport when he heard “Wait!”

Willie turned around Alex kissed him.

He stiffened at first, surprised. Before he could respond, Alex pulled away and looked at him in panic.

“I’m so sorry, I thought-”

Willie grabbed him by the lapels and dragged him down, kissing him heatedly. Alex responded with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“ABOUT TIME!” someone hollered from behind him.

They broke away to see Luke and Reggie beaming. They both ran over and hugged them both in a group hug. “We thought you two would never figure it out.” Luke said, causing Reggie to laugh.

“Happy pride, Alex”. Willie murmured, squished up against his side. And Alex couldn’t have been happier.

#julie and the phantoms #alex x willie #willie x alex #willex #fic #this was entirely too long im so sorry #anyways... send me prompts!

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