#but then that just. keeps me stagnant | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mechawolfie · 2 years

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I think I have a tendency to get super deep into self-reflection not in an attempt to Heal like I tell myself but rather in an attempt to "fix" myself so I'm more presentable to others/feel worthy of existing alongside other ppl

#smudgy.txt #.vent #sighh.....wauuughhhhhhhh ;;#like i know theres a point where i should just. stop & just start interacting w ppl #but then i pause n im like. oh but what abt x trait.. that could cause problems.. i need 2 eliminate it #like i feel like if i just keep Fixing things eventually ill feel worthy of putting myself out there #one day ill trust myself to exist. but not today !#like it feels like once again my anxiety trying to rationalize itself?#making itself seem reasonable so ill b like. oh ur right! ill listen 2 everything u say then ig #its not exactly harc 2 pick up on but it is hard to b like. ok ur overthinking this. lets just try existing & we'll figure it out as we go #thats it. figuring it out as i go. im terrified of having 2 do that bc its always felt #like it doesnt work in the end. so i think i have to meticulously plan #so idont fuck up this time #but then that just. keeps me stagnant #its an excuse not to move #aauuuughhhhhhhhhhhh😫

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thevulturesquadron · 10 days

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Thoughts probably no one is interested in, but I need to vent into the void of tumblr:

I am still pretty annoyed that in recent comics issues we got to see absolutely zero reaction from Rogue both during Magneto’s death and his return. Even the smallest panel for any of the events would have been sufficient.

Not to mention she was practically nonexistent in the whole Krakoa run (with both Mystique and Destiny being right. there).

It’s like she’s being held hostage in that marriage, locked away from any character development. She’s not allowed to even spare a look at anything and anyone (not even her family!!!!) without Gambit breathing down her neck.

That marriage was a mistake. There, I said it. It boxes both Rogue and Gambit into such nothing characters that aren’t allowed to have meaningful connections with anyone else.

Release my darlings at once! She-Hulk bring the divorce papers!

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nek0mancies · 3 months

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Being an OW roleplayer is so difficult bc the community isn't very active and it's so hard to find ppl to vibe with bc it's rampant with drama and that makes me so sad bc I love writing Sigma and even made my own unique interpretation of him

#vent #shut up cricket #negative #sad 4am thoughts #me desperately wanting to show ppl him but it's so hard to keep my muse when the fandom you write for is mostly stagnant #and most of the rp accs on Twit are either gimmicky crack accs or ran by absolute gooners #I really hope I don't sound entitled or bitchy I'm just frustrated

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brainrotdotorg · 1 year

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i finally got a money order for my new passport, scheduled my appointment for tomorrow, got my auto insurance printed, and set out vinegar and dish soap gnat traps to finally kill those thangs. literally so adultcore of me. everyone clap

#fr that i am glad i at least got out of the apartment ive been a real homebody for awhile #i ran into a guy from my old creative writing class with his girlfriend that i thought. wasnt real #but no she was really gorgeous and hes just some guy. kind of hilarious seeing couples like that #anyway also got drinks for my gay little minifridge #oh and finally got paid for a comm hooray!!#and i took out the trash #AND im getting some packages today #wow today is so eventful. so much going on #<- doesnt even mean that sarcastically this is way more than i do on an average day #these are all really little. stupid things. but my life used to be so stagnant #maybe it was because i was a child but. all of these things would have scared me to do on my own #if i keep talking im going to get sappy about how i thought i would never get here. like #never live past 18 and never do stuff like this just. normal stuff.#there was a point in my life where the thought of printing important documents made me physically ill #and running into people i know outside? HAH #no way to navigate those social interactions except stare at my feet #idk what changed. i guess i just grew #and im still growing. heart emoji #if i can do these things while im 20 imagine what i can do when im 30 and 40 and 50 etc etc #i can do things on my own. i dont have to grin and bear it. i can put out the gnat traps and kill the gnats #yanno. anyway!

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merevide · 8 months

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#need 2 post more lorde songs it’s actually criminal that i’m not doing that !#anyway. u ever feel so tired that everything starts feeling like hm. every light is too bright #&the i might just stay stagnant and unfulfilled which terrifies me but i don’t do anything about it #anyway. dancing in this world alone. we’re alone #anyway anyway. should i even keep posting these links i feel like i’ve been slacking on them but i also like sharing music. even if i feel #like a fucking mess.basically. i’ll get over it ig i’m posting too much today #one of my fave off this album happy 10 years to it #lorde #my text #Spotify

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daz4i · 8 months

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oh my god earlier this week i was talking to my mom abt how i used to constantly feel bad even at elementary school despite having good grades and not having social issues or mental illnesses yet (undiagnosed autism aside). and she really helped me crack the code by saying "yes you always came home angry about (kid in my class) getting better grades than you in math or (friend) being better than you in english even though you knew she is american" and then it clicked. i was simply always a jealous competitive annoying little bitch who has to be the best and most specialest at everything or i may as well die

#this isn't even the result of being raised in a certain way. beyond praising me for being smart my parents really tried their darnest -#- to inspire me to be mediocre and not crash over being less than perfect #i was literally born this way...... god damn #it's a bit annoying. bc it's one of my biggest issues and why i have trouble in almost every field #(as in. socially. creatively. educationally when i was still at school)#how the fuck does one even unlearn that shit if you're born with it... that's like the only constant thing about my personality...#>:( god dammit #vent #kinda????#is it??? idk!!!!!#i will say it does ig. best way to put it in english. make me despair to think about #bc if it's an inherent part of me and it brought me so much pain for literal decades now. what hope even is there. yknow?#idk how people function like that like i see ppl talk abt this sort of thing but they just keep going??#i genuinely shut down when i am less than perfect. that's kind of why I'm so stagnant all the time. also why i wanna die constantly #bc like what is even the point of living like this. this is meaningless. i may as well be dead and achieve the same results #well now it IS a vent so it's a good thing i put that tag there. but I'll also add #negative //

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spamtoon · 23 days

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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

#bright spark #<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky #the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE #SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you #to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this #is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay #nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are #honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang #spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main #cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her #own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally #i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel #like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything #with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite #finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives #happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared #to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that #respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a #method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy #excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going #sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay

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raccoonfagdyke · 2 months

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I just wish people liked being around me

#i feel so fucking lonely #like i was yalking to my friend who was talking about how he was imvited to go out tonight #and thats never happened to me #ive never been invited to places really #unless i kinda invite myself tbh #ive never gone to a bar and then gone to a second location #i just wanna have people who think pf me when theyre doing things #i want people to want me around #and is some of this the DID talking ?? yes #i have parts who mever get to do things like that for one reason pr another #i want people to think im cool in some regard or at least interesting enough to keep around #but no #im just here alone on a friday night and i couldnt go out cuz im sick #meanwhile my partner is sleeping over at a friends place cuz hey shes got a car and is good at people #she gets invited to things all the time and im so fucking burnt out from work that i never get to fucking do anything i hate this so much #i just feel so goddamn alone and unwanted #i know the latter isnt true but it sure fucking feels like it rn #and im gonna be even more isolated this summer since im working 2 jobs #and none of my close friends like to do anything interesting #im just so bored and stagnant and lonesome #i wish i coul sleep

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byanyan · 8 months

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hmmm... thinking that when I crawl onto my laptop in a bit, I might force myself to delete drafts until I'm down to like, two pages and no more. it's gonna mean deleting some things I don't want to but man, dude, I gotta do something if I want any hopes of getting my shit together around here

#I'm getting more and more tempted every day to just clear out everything out of frustration with myself #but no there are still some threads I REALLY want to keep going so #not deleting everything. but deleting a lot so I can actually take on new stuff and interact with more people #as well as keep some of that older stuff going #I need to freshen this place up a bit bc I've let so much get stagnant and I hate it ahdjfjsg #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

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hyaciiintho · 10 months

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🌸｡*ﾟ+. THIS IS A TEST POST !! This is not an actual inbox call, I just wanted to test and see how the graphic would look posted to tumblr ;; ;; Might use this when doing inbox calls and then a copy/paste text body.

With that being said-- how do people feel about a "permanent" inbox call post? Just for my own reassurance so I don't feel like I'm bothering people but don't wanna like... constantly make a new inbox call post. Basically just a list of people commenting below a post, one that maybe specifies whether people prefer random IC interactions or want asks leaning more to IC questions/ooc headcanons stuff?

I know it's silly because if we're mutuals, we shouldn't be afraid to reach out to each other, BUT !! I also know some people do not like random asks, so... it would just be for the sake of... "You have permission to send random things whenever you feel like it" but of course it's not like I'm expecting you to answer things immediately after I send them either.

But yeah, just a thought! If it seems too silly I'll just keep making individual posts each time ♡ c':

#MUN SPEAKING 🌸 ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ #Starting to think I'm gonna just be living off inbox calls I swear gdfshjk starting replies has just been so hard for me. But I mean.#C'est la vie. Es lo que es. One day I'll finally get myself to start and then steamroll through them like a boulder rolling downhill :'D #And y'all will get pelted with activity so hard it'll be OVER for y'all. But until then. I'm just gonna keep trying other things to like #keep interactions and activity flowing in other ways even if I'm stagnant in replies ;; ;;#I'LL DO THOSE MEME STUFF AND THREAD REPLIES SOON I PROMISE I JUST-- I'm going Through It™️ and trying to GET Through It™️ first gfdhjk #Life is just curb-stomping me in the face constantly and it's like “Gurl can I catch a break please????” But she says ✨No✨ each time fdsjkd #If anything those art memes will be done soon for sure. I'll just do them on my PC instead of my ipad dgfhsjk so they'll be...#... considerably better c': and maybe that'll make up for the long wait on... literally everything dfhskj #It's also been super hot and without AC I don't wanna turn on my PC or other electronics and like... :'D y'know #boil myself alive with all the heat pumping out of my tower and my screens radiating heat sdjhkdg #I RAMBLED IN TAGS AGAIN LEMME STFU AND GO BACK TO STARING AT MY LAPTOP SCREEN VACANTLY BYE HAVE A GOOD DAY Y'ALL

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miamicommune · 2 months

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#miserable psychotic fucking idiot im so tired of being this way #don't know how to express to people that it doesn't go anywhere good from here.#there's not going to be any buildup to anything good in my life that there'll be no grand crescendo or zenith it's passed it's already gone #from here it's a glacial decline and it's unbearable. there's no comfort in anything anymore it's all just. this. stagnant and exhausting.#can't bring myself to keep going for that or stagnation or for life staying as is. this will kill me. i am not going to be here for long.#it's exceptionality or im going to die and the former was always a pipe dream.#i can't live so what else is there.#to all things an end.

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hybridkilljoys · 11 months

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I know people say youre never too old to improve your art but hoh boy does it suck when burnout has made it impossible to improve as an artist as much as you wanted to in the past ten years and now im slowly accepting im going to feel like a mediocre artist forever :')

#And yeah my art is Ok #better than it was before but like #i am just so disappointed i havent improved as much as i wanted and also having a narcissist father who for years has discouraged my art #journey and he isnt subtle about thinking its a waste and how i should find a better career that gets me money faster #But my guy i am so fucking burnout and just not the brightest of people i am not fit for anything But art #and if i cant succeed in this field literally what is left for me #work some shitty retail job until i die?#literally worst fear #it also sucks bc being stuck in two soul sucking food service jobs in my late teens and early twenties made #trying to improve my art nearly impossible bc i was always so tired and so burnout and ive still felt like this even after quitting idk #point it ive tried but i havent tried enough but i dont have the energy to try more but if i dont try more im just going to keep being #a mediocre artist in my eyes and will never accomplish anything memorable #idk #i forgot where i was going w this but ig im just tired of feeling stagnant as an artist and not having the strength to fix it #Im just tired dude i wanna enjoy drawing again but everything feels like a chore

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mad-likea-hatter777 · 1 year

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Playing through the Phoenix Wright trilogy and losing my mind over this

Phoenix Wright Surrogate Big Brother™️

#I was so wary of the development of their relationship in the first game #because it just seemed like it would stay stagnant #but he loves her so much #this turnabout is making me lose my mind #I have been routinely surprised at how this game handles character development #Phoenix Wright #pw:jfa #Justice for all #reunion and turnabout #Maya Fey #mystic Maya #sorry I have to keep talking about them #I love the trope of annoying younger child #and unprepared man #and going into the game I thought that’s all their relationship was going to be #she annoyed me at first because I was sad #that her character might not go anywhere #but the games have overarching plots and development #there is not a single case I’ve encountered that’s a throwaway #and that includes all of the character moments that happen in them #Maya and Phoenix are growing closer #he could never replace Mia #but he can fill the spot of older sibling

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fiovske · 1 year

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jesus christ midge outs a gay black man on stage, in his hometown harlem stage, doing her "comedy act" and as a result of this blatant breach of trust and contract, she's dropped from being the opener for his tour bc of course she was its incredibly out of line to do that. instead of ruminating on her actions, she has the audacity to open s4 with this:

the taylor swift white woman energy i swear.. this show is written thru such a narrow white feminist lens it's appalling.

#mrs maisel #and the show wants me to be sympathetic towards her!!!#it did everything it could in s3 to villianize shy baldwin as this black singer high maintenance diva #when midge is NO LESS A FUCKING HIGH MAINTAINANCE DIVA HERSELF.#the only woman midge befriends on tour in shy baldwin's very black musical crew?? the only white woman 🙄#like... the depiction of this show's chinese folks too is.. VERY caricature.#like the hypocrisy of the writing is in every page. midge does something fucked up?? 'oh ur overreacting! it's cute!'#meanwhile someone slightly does not laugh at one of midge's jokes?? midge throws a goddamn diva tantrum #ughh. this show nEEDS to understand that ur protagonist being stagnant #all the time. is no fucking story. yall going in circles bc ur too scared to let midge fuck up #and suffer the consequences of the fuckup.#yall just worship her too much to let her be a PERSON in this story #it reads like a 15yos self-insert fic. yall obsessed w keeping midge 'perfect' all the time.#about to watch what an absolute shitshow s4 is about to be huh.

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neutralparent · 7 months

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honestly unsure what the fuck im doing anymore

#i feel like ive been so stagnant #like im not changing or growing #but at the same time i do believe im focusing a lot on parenting #is it okay to kind of pause myself #things havent quite been the same since we broke up #but why on earth would you define me #and now i might have another chance and im absolutely choking #but what am i really doing?#with my life?#my social skills just keep declining #and im forgetting my interests #my brain is going dark #and its not even winter #personal

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apawture · 5 months

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something else i have been doing behind the scenes is more generic story planning, leaving most details up in the air but just getting basic "team goes here does this these things happen" etc written down for the chapters so it can stop being a vague mush of different separate events that need connecting and only exist inside my head. and i have the first two and a half chapters planned! chapter 3 is nearly done but i need to make adjustments to it still

#i have been mostly figuring it out as i go so far #and while that has been working it wont last me forever #not if i want to make something i can really be proud of #the reason i started without it being fully planned is that ALL of my projects are stagnant in the planning stage #i want to work on stardust as a fully original comic about foxes #i want to tell the story of rayna the pmd protag who joins team meanies #but i have been so focused on wanting them to be perfectly planned out #and have the art style and such be consistent from start to finish #so as a result nothing was ever getting DONE #second chance is me learning by doing #thats also why this first chapter is so experimental. im trying to figure out what the hell my process even IS and streamline it #i feel frustrated with myself for not having started this kinda shit years ago #i started drawing years ago. but every gap has what i learned drifting away #i just have to keep telling myself. done is better than perfect

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