#but this is probably all the proper writing I will release from the depths that are my google docs

[neptunes-blue]

CORPSMAN’S PRAYER - VINCENT KRAWCZYK - THE PACIFIC

short summary: Vincent Krawczyk graduates from Illinois’s Naval Hospital Corps School after first enlisting on the 8th of December, 1941

warnings: implied child neglect (sort of?), sailors get drunk and slip off chairs

(Main) characters: Vincent Krawczyk (oc), Terence Flynn (oc)

word count: 1.8k words

notes: this is like. The only time ever I will post my writing… if it disappears tomorrow I have succumbed to my shame and deleted this 😔. I had to format this on my iPad with no idea how any of this works…. Also if you see spelling/grammar mistakes no you didn’t I was too scared to share this to a friend to proofread ☹️ (looks at the ‘art blog’ in my bio hmmmm)

🚢

Grant me, oh Lord, for the coming events;

Enough knowledge to cope and some plain common sense. Be at our side on those nightly patrols; And be merciful judging our vulnerable souls. Make my hands steady and as sure as a rock; when the others go down with a wound or in shock. Let me be close, when they bleed in the mud; With a tourniquet handy to save precious blood. Here in the jungle, the enemy near; Even the corpsman can't offer much lightness and cheer. Just help me, oh Lord, to save lives when I can; Because even out there is merit in man.

If it's Your will, make casualties light; And don't let any die in the murderous night. These are my friends I'm trying to save; They are frightened at times, but You know they are brave. Let me not fail when they need so much; But to help me serve with a compassionate touch. Lord, I'm no hero—my job is to heal; And I want You to know Just how helpless I feel. Bring us back safely to camp with dawn; For too many of us are already gone.

Lord bless my friends If that's part of your plan; And go with us tonight, when we go out again.

— Navy Hospital Corpsman’s prayer 

When Vincent was 5, he woke up in his home to nothing.

When he tried to focus on where he imagined the hallway, there was nothing but black. And from the kitchen he heard a faint drip and nothing more. 

It’s hard to recall a memory in the muffling black dark. It’s more of a feeling really, cold icy dread that travels down your spine and keeps you at a standstill. 

Vincent still remembers how his body— much smaller in his youth, chattering with fear on the dusty couch. Too scared to call out for his parents.

10 years later, he’d brought up the memory at the dining table and was flattened by his father’s admittance to a fuzzy memory where he forgets to take him off the couch and into bed.

Currently, Vinny is 19 and fumbling with the neckerchief of his dress blues. His brow knotted while Terence Flynn shined his shoes.

“Vinny, how in hell are you gon’ take care of your wife? 20 and you can’t tie your own kerchief?”

Krawczyk swivels to face Flynn like you would in drill. His face in a crooked smile.

“20 in a week actually. I thought I told you yesterday that I was 20 next week.” He says in a voice dripping with a very matter-of-fact tone, a crooked grin plastered on his face.

“I’m gonna start praying for your future wife.” Flynn half-snorts, rolling his eyes. 

Vincent listens to Terence’s back click as he stretches, taking a ‘well deserved’ break from his shoe-shining; it was a lousy attempt to seem presentable and handsome for graduation. Terence Flynn, mousey-faced and dark-haired tucking away at least some of his antics for today.

Vincent had complimented how nicely Flynn’s chevrons were stitched once. Terence had flushed red and muttered ashamed that his mother had sewn them on for him.

Within each stitch a gentle kiss of a mothers love tucked under the dark fabric of the Navy’s pride— that’s what Vincent imagined anyways. He had responded with a quiet ‘oh’ and looked at his own chevrons that still had stitches leaking from the edges of blue fabric. 

Krawczyk tried to stare back into the mirror and ignore the eruptions of jealousy that burst across his face.

Men dressed neatly in their Navy dress blues begin to leave barracks, putting away shaving kits and slicking their hair back with their caps in hand.

“Bu-ddy?” 

Terence whistles and clicks his tongue, already standing at the door out of barracks. 

“Christ!” 

Vincent glanced at Terence and then back at himself in the mirror before quickly scampering after his friend. Finally figuring out the intricacies of his neckerchief while his shoes hit the plywood floor.

Vincent's rowing team had been best in Missouri, he was the best batter in baseball, captain of the swimming team, and one of the top boxers in school. 

It didn't count for much, all his trophies and awards were in a box underneath his bed. 

Krawczyk wouldn't know until after his enlistment had ended that his parents had pawned his gold medals off when he'd left for the Navy. Vincent would understand when he came back. Forgiving, sweet, war-torn Vincent who would believe his family was going through tough times.

His photos remained in the box however– the same crooked grin even as his face matured. Collecting an inch of dust.

The winter wind had calmed to a soft breeze (thank the lord) and Chief took to the stand saying speeches Krawczyk seemed to block out with his anticipation.

Rows of navy men with their chests puffed out with the boyish pride that never left them even as men. Preparing to leave for war with the promise to serve and a prayer for survival. 

Thomas Murray, a tall, gawky man with blue eyes and blonde hair had been a surgeon before all of this; Chance Henderson always wanted to be a doctor who and thought this was the quickest a cheapest way to get there; shy Samuel Davis who blushed easily and hated using the communal showers was plain kind-hearted and liked the idea of helping wounded; Dayton Bishop was smart and steady-handed, he was suited to the role of a corpsman with square eyes and a handsome jaw.

Terence had smirked at Vincent when he told him he joined up because he thought it’d make him popular with the ladies. 

Vinny had roared with laughter, telling him that he’d, ‘never even get a nice girl to look his way’.  

Flynn had tried to counter him, reminding Vinny that he had a girl— ‘A girl that left him’, he had responded with. Flynn wanted to argue but Vincent turned the topic too quick.

‘Colours, present arms!’

Vincent was beaming. 

The whole thing felt like his High School graduation but fancier. And if it wasn’t an important ceremony he wouldn’t have stopped himself from laughing but, he’d be lying through bared, grinning teeth that he wasn’t pouring over with pride. 

He (rather excitedly) stepped onto the stage, shaking hands with the CPO and then to the SCPO who passed him his graduation paper. Vincent was only able to glance at his name ‘Vincent Phillip Krawczyk’ scrawled in the middle of the paper before he had to ‘calmly and mild-manneredly’ walk across the stage.

"I solemnly pledge myself.”

"I solemnly pledge myself…” The bright faced men echoed. 

“Before God and these witnesses.”

“Before God and these witnesses.”

“To practice faithfully all of my duties.”

“To practice faithfully all of my duties.”

“As a member of the Hospital Corps.”

“As a member of the Hospital Corps…”

The band marched out soon after the Corpsman Pledge, Anchors Aweigh cutting through the dewy morning air and sending out that good ol’ Navy pride. Vincent could’ve sworn he saw Terence’s eyes water as he muttered the lyrics under his breath.

“STAND NAVY TO SEA, FIGHT OUR BATTLE CRRYY!”

Flynn roared, hopping from bar stool to bar stool— hand on heart while the other swung a bottle of beer. 

Davis was bright red, with 7 drinks too many he had joined Terence in his performance. Vincent clapped, repeating Terence and Davis’ “So vicious foe steer shy-y-y-y!”, despite not having even one drop of alcohol that evening. The rowdy sailors had scared off most of the other bar patrons. Dayton sat smartly as ever, Murray was playing craps with the increasingly drunker Chance and the other boys— Mark, Jones, Sutton, Kidd, Freeman, West, Patrick… were either pink-faced and whooping or challenging the other to another game, drink, or bet.

“Y’know, back in my home-place, Missouri I used to drink like there wasn’t a God!” 

“Anchors aweigh my boys! ANCHORS AWEIGHH!”

Dayton didn’t seem to be really paying attention to Krawczyk’s yammering.

“My pal, Nate, he drank beer like it wasn’t a Wednesday afternoon. Never trust a usual mild-mannered Missouri man, we might all seem pleasant but as soon as he gets a drink too many he’ll sock you right in the face if you even mention his favourite sport team’s rival team— I nearly got socked in the face for it once, can you believe it?” 

Vinny bursts into laughter, not really taking note that Dayton didn’t join in.

"Farewell to foreign shores, we sail at break of day-ay-AY-AY!”

“You’re not drinking.”

Vincent perks up when Dayton speaks.

“Yeah— yeah, no, I'm not a drinker," Vinny shrugs. "Christian, I keep it to special occasions." He finishes, grinning.

“Uhuh. Isn’t this a special occasion?”

“Someone has to be sober enough to hold caps when you all retch whiskey in the bathroom.”

Dayton shrugs, swirling his brandy on the rocks.

“Drink to the foam, until we meet once more! Here's wishing you a happy voyage HOME!”

And with the end of the second verse, Flynn missed the barstool he was jumping to by a foot and cracked his head on the side of the counter.

The sand was soft at Nunn beach.  

Vinny liked beaches, he liked the waves, how the seawater dried on his arms and left white salt stains on his skin. He even liked nursing his good friend after slamming his own face into a bench, who now had a rapidly growing lump above his right brow.

The sun had sunk halfway under the ocean, sending out stretching wands of orange light that sparked crashing waves yellow. It turned his and Flynn’s faces amber and made his bruise just slightly more obvious. 

“Finally put those corpsman skills to good use.”

Vincent was grinning— Terence was not. 

He reached into his wrinkled blues, pulling a silver rosary over his head, careful to not bump his tender lump. Terence cleared his throat, trying to clear the shame in his voice. 

“My gal got it for me but you know uh. We broke up”

“She left you.”

“We broke up!” He insisted, with a huff. Flynn turned from Vincent and admired the carving of Christ. Hanging by his hands on the silver cross, intricate swirls that seemed to grow from his hollow body and border the cross he was strung across. It seemed to glimmer white in the setting sun.

“Take it. A parting gift. Or an apology— I don't care. Or really believe in that crap anymore anyways”

“Don't call it crap.”

“Sorry.”

Vincent tenderly accepted the gift from his friend, thumbing the cross.

“Tell me a story, Vince.” Terence’s voice was flat, eyes glued onto the horizon instead of his friend.

“Well. Once me and my pal Nate thought it'd be funny to throw rocks at the school greenhouse.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

[heartfullofleeches]

I frickin LOVE the extreme size difference between kraken and clownfish reader! Please, sir, can we have some more??

A living, breathing human. One you at least assume to be. It's really hard to tell since it's been so long, and their current situation.

After exploring the ruins of the latest in numerous ship cracks in the region, you swam up to the surface to experiment with your new toy in its proper environment. As hard as you tried, instruments just didn't play well underwater. On land you discovered the horrific aftermath of what you thought to be a natural disaster, a visceral sea of crimson and improvised weapons strewn across the shore as far as the eye could see. There wasn't a remain in sight of what caused either beside the rotting wood of a ship and a single leg peaking from the intact helm of the ship. It twitches as a broken spear washes onto shore and sticks its boot.

Saving your shock for a better time, you rush over to help the survivor. It takes all of your strength to pull the wheel off their crushed limb, prolonged by moans and pained breaths causing you to let go out of fear of hurting them more. You pull them as close to the water without submerging them to check their injuries. Their pants leg was dyed red, but upon rolling back their sleeve there's sickening relief that the blood was likely from the shed around them, and their leg wasn't irreparable despite the bruising. Their forehead was spilt open, and their body was covered head to toe in smaller battle wounds, but they would live.

You tear off the driest part of their shirt and wrap it around their head. Hissing in pain as you tie it tight, the human's eyes flutter open. They fall on you momentarily, but their focus swiftly draws elsewhere - passive confusion soaring to unbridled fear. You don't have the pleasure not opportunity to ask them what's wrong.

A tendril locking around your waist and arms, you're dragging back into the sea - hurled through the tides so rapidly your vision temporary goes black before fading back into the murky blue depth of the ocean. The tendril is so thick it completely immobilizes you all the way down to your tail; left hopelessly to flail and scream as you're pulled down to the sea floor and back at the mouth of the ship. Through its smile of minced flesh and pointed teeth, you realize it was not the ship looking down on you, but the glowing eyes of your captor. Released from its tendrils, the chance of your escape is greatly weakened as the beast takes you in its enormous hand instead.

"Little one, it hurts me so to see you in cohorts with the enemy...."

The best approximation to your scale would be the time you entertained a group of children on a cruise ship. The smallest, friendliest one of the bunch had the most adorable doll you had ever seen. It fit snuggly in the crook of their arms and was no longer than their torso, waving to you as the ship passed by. Somehow, you were even smaller than that to this creature. Its single hand fit perfectly around your midsection with room to spare. One bite and your head would be taken clean off. If you could've grown pale in the gills you would have.

"please don't eat me...."

Can something thing big even hear a feeble little thing like you? You're probably part of its dessert, not even the full thing. The Kraken's tremendous laughter answers your question in one way or another.

"Eat you? Eat you? Even frightened you put on the best performances, my love. Why in the seven seas would I eat my mate? It's true you be on the smaller side, but you have done what no other creature has done in ages. Make me laugh."

You now know the source of those distance chuckles after every show. Back then you used to write it off as another mystery of the sea.

"I made my peace washing you from afar, but seeing you continue to play with our food broke my heart in two and left me no choice but to claim you now. I do care for you, but you will need to earn my forgiveness if you want your freedom. I pray you have your best material in memory."

[ovaryacted]

Hey there! I saw that you mentioned writing an analysis on Leon's character, and truthfully i'd personally be really down to read what you have to say about him. There's barely any to go around unfortunately so it's very fun to read what other's take from the games.

Also, the most interesting arc of Leon so far to me has been from 4 remake, would you ever consider doing an analysis on him from that period and how he went through a drastically better development rather than that of OG? (ofc it's just my opinion since i prefer 4 remake version much much more!) either way, would love to see what you got!

Hey anon! I know you sent me this a while ago, and I want to give you a proper answer to this analysis so I will try my best to give you something well thought out because I really loved the direction they took to characterize Leon differently in RE4R. I also apologize if this was long, I tend to ramble lol.

So, we all know that the original RE4 is a cult classic in the horror gaming genre, and rightfully so. Here we see Leon Kennedy as the badass he is, he is capable, witty, and nonetheless different than the rookie we were first introduced to. However, considering the period the game was released in and the intentional perception of Leon Kennedy at that time, Capcom went the route of pleasing the "gaming bro" community to make Leon into something he isn't.

Sure, he's one hell of an agent, he knows what he's doing and quite frankly is probably the only person who is capable of saving Ashley Graham. But in the OG RE4, Capcom does not focus on the trauma that he's carried since RE2, which I also don't blame them for doing. The OG RE4 was released in 2005, of course, they were going to focus on making Leon Kennedy super macho and strong and just overall cool because that is what sells. Not to mention the objectification of Ashley Graham also matches up to the period as well, and that's already a whole other problem with gaming as a whole that is not just reserved to Capcom entirely.

Regardless of that, OG RE4 is still considered one of the best games in the genre. It's timeless, it's fun, and it makes other people appreciate Leon in another light because he is now "cool" enough as an agent that the rest of his experiences don't matter as much.

Now moving on to the RE4 Remake released in 2023, the direction they took in characterizing Leon is more on par with what they've been doing with his character since RE6. One of the biggest gripes I have with Capcom in particular is their lack of character depth when it comes to elaborating on the traumas that each character possesses. They are so busy trying to make these characters killing machines that they leave huge gaps in showcasing their humanity, hence why a lot of the lore involving these characters' pasts is left for consumers to interpret.

In RE6 which came out in 2012, Leon Kennedy often compares the mission in China and what happened at Tall Oaks to Raccoon City, saying how it reminds him of that day before he found himself in this mess fighting bioweapons. The detail might be minuscule, but it gives people the assumption that Raccoon City was in fact traumatizing and left a huge imprint on Leon's character, altering him for the rest of his life. You also see Leon wanting to save as many people as he can with Helena reminding him that they don't have the time or ability to do so. His survivor's guilt and humanity are now considered as parts of his character for probably the first time on screen.

Until then, we didn't really know anything else regarding Leon's experiences until the RE2 Remake came out in 2019, and here the way they characterized Leon changed dramatically. He really is just a guy who came to the wrong place at the wrong time, experiencing horrors unimaginable and miraculously survives with two other people he met less than 24 hours ago. Yeah, I'm sure if you drove into a city and experienced your own personal apocalypse, that is sure to change who you are as a person. Now, the RE2 Remake I think was the first remake that used the new RE Engine seen in RE7 & RE8, and from a gaming perspective, Capcom is now adding the horror aspect back into the RE franchise that was certainly missing.

We don't know what happens to Leon, Claire, and Sherry after the RE2 Remake game ends because they're seen walking into the sunset hand in hand, but the idea is that Claire goes off to look for Chris and leaves Leon and Sherry behind where they are eventually apprehended by the U.S. government. I think it's in Darkside Chronicles where Leon is seen being interrogated by the government and he's blackmailed into military service as a means to protect Sherry because she's infected with the G-Virus.

After that, we know that there are other missions that Leon went on in between that time; Operation Javier being the most prominent one since that happens before RE4 and it's where he's working alongside Krauser. There are of course other animations and movies that are made to show Leon at different points in his life, but we don't know much about Leon and what he's been doing in the new canon timeline until he is re-introduced to us in the RE4 Remake.

At the very start of the game, we get an opening monologue from Leon directly where he mentions that Raccoon City was a day he will never forget, the cop inside him died that day, and shares his frustrations with the government because they left people to die before literally nuking an entire city off the map and not saying anything about it. He also mentions that he was "asked" to join the military and help in this new initiative to destroy BOWs and states that he didn't have much of a choice. Just his training alone was gruesome even if we don't necessarily know what it involved, but it kept his mind off of the trauma and the pain he experienced constantly.

The words that Leon is saying plus the way the camera pans out to show Leon's face for the first time since we've last seen him in a canon game reflects just how much he's been through in that 6/7 year timespan. The details on his facial features are enough to show that he's been through the gutter: he's lost the baby fat in his cheeks (which happens with aging anyway but still), his dark circles are prominent along with his scowl, and he already has wrinkles on his forehead which probably came from stress.

It is very obvious that this is not the same Leon Kennedy that we saw in RE2R and that is done very intentionally. He's an agent now, he has experience under his belt, and just like the OG RE4, he is still badass and capable enough to do this job. The big difference in how Leon is characterized in the remake is his humility is now added as an aspect of who he is.

Despite all of the trauma that Leon has gone through and continues to experience, he still has his humanity attached which is one of the biggest things that make me love his character in particular. He cares, and that's what makes everything hurt for him. In that scene where he finds Ashley in the castle and consoles her, he's telling her the words he wishes someone had told him, reassures her that she is strong and will get through this, and even adds a small smile at the end. Leon isn't this heartless person and his trauma hasn't wiped out any remaining empathy he has left, which the remake captures well.

You also see Leon acting like this when he's next to Luis after Krauser kills him and is still remorseful towards him until death despite knowing that he used to work for Umbrella. And then again after he kills Krauser, someone who trained with him closely and who he thought was dead, he is emotional after using his superior's knife to end his misery despite it being a subtle detail. As you continue to play the game, there these moments in the gameplay where you get bits and pieces of Leon and the kind of person he is, which weren't really there in the original game.

The remake also didn't just highlight Leon's humanity but also changed how the other characters are perceived and added new elements that we could appreciate as consumers. Personally, RE4R is such a phenomenal game because of the changes they made to showcase Leon as a human being who is trapped in the worst possible circumstances one could think of, and it makes me hope that they'll elaborate on his trauma in a RE6 Remake or in other CGI movies.

I also hope that Capcom continues to give their beloved characters more of a spotlight that reflects who they are as people instead of their capacity to be badass agents, but one can only hope, right? I wonder what direction they'll go for the RE5 Remake and how they will change Chris, Sheva, Wesker, and Jill but everything is under speculation so we really won't know until that game drops.

[sf-akahana]

if your still into t//lo/z have you considered the pu/ffshrooms ?

Man, I guess that's really all it took to get me to write lol

--------------------------------

“The President’s standing! That was brilliant! I would have never thought of it.” Addison yelled as the oddly angled Hudson Construction sign stayed precariously upright, and quickly got to work securing it. Link huffed in amusement; this was not the first time he’d helped the ambitious man to put up these signs. Rather than creativity, it was probably more the lack of his Ultrahand ability that stunts Addison’s endeavors. Or his continuous lack of proper planning – that could also be it.

“Perfect! With your help President Hudson is now standing proudly and firmly in place!” Addison cheered before rummaging through his backpack. Link sighed but waited patiently; the other man had insisted on showering him in gifts as thanks every time he’d helped in the past, and objections had only fell on deaf ears. Some pocket change, a ticket for free stable lodging, and some veggie rice balls were pushed into his arms with much excitement. Link nodded in appreciation, smiling as he tucked the gifts into Epona’s pack, before Addison called for him again.

“You know, I still don’t feel like I’ve thanked you enough! So here, this is something form my special collection!” And with that Link was presented with a… mushroom? Though not one he’d ever seen before. It was vibrantly patterned with a strange pitcher shape, and a cloud of fine spores fluttered from the opening when it was pushed into his hands. Link scrunched his nose.

“This is a Puffshroom! It was recently brought up from the Depths, I have a friend on the exploration team so I had him bring me back some interesting things. He said that if you throw this little thing into a hoard of monsters, it causes them to get confused and start attacking each other! He also said it’s bitter and inedible, and I don’t know if I want to know how he found that out-”

While Addison was chatting more at Link than with him, the Puffshroom continued to release spores whenever he so much as shifted his stance. The smell it released wasn’t very strong but it had a subtle tingle to it that was starting to make Link sniffle. He absentmindedly shifted the shroom to one hand so he could itch at his nose with the other. His first mistake was missing the layer of powder dusted over both his hands.

“hhih! hH-Att-!!”

“Oh! Hylia’s blessings!”

The tingle in his nose had quickly solidified into a sneeze, hastily stifled for it’s unexpectedness. His second mistake was in his surprise Link had sneezed towards his own chest, jostling the Puffshroom and causing a substantial cloud of spores to puff up directly into his down turned face. His nose did not like that.

“Uh, friend? Are you gonna-?”

“eh- hah- hAH!!”

Link quickly shoved the Puffshroom towards Addison as his breath hitched frantically, not caring if he hit his mark as long as the tickly spores were AWAY from his face. He wrenched himself opposite the other as a desperate sneeze threw the swordsman forward, spraying the ground and unable to cover his sneezes or touch his nose with his hands covered in powder.

“aAH’Tchhu!! -T’chiew! Hih-hI! hyAT’chhh!!”

Link sniffled as his irritated nose gave him a second to breath, tears leaking down his cheeks from the sheer itchiness. Embarrassment washed over him as he started to hitch into more sneezes; he was completely helpless and out of control, unable to even rub his nose without making everything worse. His head was thrown back into a series of sharp, ticklish gasps, only to stall just before release. Link whined slightly, almost tempted to tickle his own nose with his dusted fingers just to get it over with. Before he could do something he’d regret, an unexpected pair of fingers covered in a soft cloth settled around his frustrated nose. A soft nudge to his septum all he needed for the stuck sneezes to come crashing through him.

“hHHA-!! AK’TCHHIEWw!! hih- k’Tchuu! t’Chu! Uh’tChiew!! oh...snf!”

The end of his fit left him red faced and panting, a hand held tightly against shoulder for support. He quickly took the slightly damp handkerchief from Addison’s other hand. Link was known to have an unbreakable poker face in a bygone age, but he wasn’t sure he could keep the flaming heat from his cheeks no matter how hard he tried.

“Goddess’ many, many blessings my friend! I’m so sorry my gift caused all this trouble, come here lets wash you off in the river. Follow me.”

With a little gentle washing and some embarrassingly productive nose blowing, Link came out of the other side of this experience flustered but ultimately no worse for wear. He didn’t seem to truly be having any allergic reaction, just an adverse response to the smell and feel of the spores. Addison still looked incredibly guilty by the time the two made it back to Epona’s side.

“You know, I still think the Puffshroom could be of use as a surprise attack. Maybe you could attach one to an arrow so you aren’t in the spore’s radius?” His downtrodden expression quickly shifted to excited as he rushed back over to his pack, coming back with a small leather bag.

“Here! If you keep the Puffshrooms in this, it will keep the spores contained so it doesn’t get all over your other stuff. Then when you want to shoot one you’re only exposed to it for a second! I really think you should keep them just in case, they might help you get out of a tough situation you know.” Link sighed and smiled once again, nodding and tucking them away in a separate pocket. As Addison bid him goodbye to go put up more signs, Link urged Epona to continue their trek towards then nearest stable. He’ll find a time to use the shrooms of course, he’s just going to have to be careful he doesn’t cause himself a sneezing fit in the middle of battle. Now THAT would be an embarrassing way to go.

[onewholivesinloops]

Meguri Tatariakashi finally started!

...

...

...and I have VERY mixed feelings about it. I’m holding out proper judgement until more chapters release because this is definitely not unsalvageable.

A friend of mine summarized key stuff for me and in terms of positives, I'm happy remorseful Teppei wasn't cut because I think it’s very important for Satoko’s arc in this. I also like that Meguri is leaning into Satoko thrusting herself into the depths of her misery and trauma because she believes others are only capable of caring about her when she's an object of pity.

It feels like it's emphasizing what R07 said he was going for in Gou/Sotsu in some interviews about wanting to write a story where Satoko isn't in the "damsel in distress/princess" role to be saved by Rika and the others who are in the "prince" role but an active protagonist so her heart can be explored further.

Satoko’s original plan was basically to be abused by Teppei and have Rika and the other club members help her, then cause a tragedy in the end, but she thinks this being different from her plan with good!Teppei as a new element could be fun/interesting as well. She also talks about how in order to be treated as precious by the club members like in that world she needs to deceive everyone. She says she’s playing a starring role in this play, and everyone needs to help make it exciting by playing those roles, and that starting from tomorrow she’s the “heroine of a tragedy”.

We’re still flipping Tatarigoroshi/Minagoroshi on their heads which is interesting!

Satoko’s mindset here reminds me of some of Eua’s dialogue about her behavior during Sotsu Tatariakashi too:

As for the concerning stuff, I'm a little bit disappointed Satoko shows little to no reaction to Teppei... I don't think the anime handled this well at all, but Satoko's PTSD reaction to Teppei still felt really palpable to me and even in Sotsu you get this feeling that she's feeling deeply uncomfortable around him with all of their interations having this unsettling vibe.

The concepts weren't explored properly but they were there. Teppei's change of heart is unexplained right now which is also worrying...?

I guess it's possible Tomato is still keeping the mystery of what exactly Eua meant when she said some irreversible changes are occurring because we still haven't seen had her explain memory leaks to Satoko so that could still come into play at a later point. The same goes for Satoko’s reaction to Teppei.

The chapter ends on Satoko arriving at the classroom which was the cliffhanger of the first chapter of Tataridamashi and we still haven't had the club drop by at her home.

That scene in Tataridamashi felt very important because it’s the only glimpse we get into Satoko’s dynamic with Teppei in the question arc and it’s also a good opportunity to explore some of Satoko’s feelings about Teppei because he regresses back to his violent self even if his aggressiveness isn't directed her?

I'm holding proper judgement until further releases like I said because the idea could easily be that Satoko right now isn't reacting to him negatively as she's loving being bad because she enjoys the control and power it gives her, and she's going to continue reveling in it until it runs up into all her of her childhood trauma and blows up in her face.

The manga has been very explicit about Satoko being on some kind of power trip where she’s enjoying her unlimited power and being in control of everything which makes so much sense when her entire life has been mired in a lack of control.

I think Satoko could still have a stress response in reaction to Teppei being aggressive in the next release when the club drops by her house but she's probably going to be deep in denial about it/shrug it off as unimportant, but the more time she spends with him the more she'll deterioriate until we get something like that moment in the anime when he tried to pat her head and it triggered her PTSD reaction?

The main reason I'm so anxious about this is because as much as I find the fake abuse plotline interesting as a concept, if it's not going to be executed well again then I don't want to have to suffer through it another time. The first time was already bad enough for me as someone who finds Satoko’s abuse storyline in the original very relatable. My mental health is too fragile to handle it a second time. Watch me do it anyway even if the manga drops the ball though-

And to be fair to Meguri, Gou/Sotsu had the advantage of laying the groundwork for the Teppei stuff in epsidoe 23 and Satoko still hasn't looped much by that point so it makes sense she'd react more strongly to Teppei immediately. The manga didn't do that and it's only introducing Teppei now that Satoko is on a power trip so it's possible for any PTSD reaction to take some time to kick in, and Tomato’s intent could be to spread exploring Teppei’s development across Tatariakashi to make this arc more eventful.

I always thought it was clever of Meguri to push the Teppei and Takano stuff into the answer arcs themselves instead of having them as part of some prep loops before everything starts.

This release was also just 10 pages so it's definitely too early to judge this arc. It’s a concerning start for sure but the good faith is there for this to be converted to a Satoko and Teppei arc but still gonna be worried until or unless it actually plays out?

Another reason to be optimistic though is that Tomato went out of his way to develop Rina in Oniakashi more than Sotsu did so I find the idea that Teppei’s change would be explained with just a throwaway line about what Eua said in the previous chapter to be EXTREMELY unlikely. I’m betting on Tomato coming back to this and exploring how Teppei’s transformation happened in the next releases but we’ll see.

I’m cautiously optimistic about all this. Emphasis on cautiously. I’m even more anxious and stressed though.

[dragonuv3]

Arekkz Scrapheart and lore building an arms forger

First Picture drawn by the lovely @kobold-kurios​

All other images drawn by me.

So let me start this off by saying that I’ve never been THIS in depth with actually writing and drawing lore for a DnD character. Especially during a setting where magic (initially) is limited to clerics and paladins to a disaster in the first season.

Arekkz scrapheart is a Gnoll Artificer in the second season of Kobold’s Bards & Blades campaign. To describe him in a few words: driven, intelligent, exciteable, and intuitive. From his rural tribe to a big city to learn how to be an articifer, he’s managed to make a name for himself as a skilled artisan of the Stonecutter’s guild in Tulpio (the city both groups start in). He also is the sole proprieter of a shop called the Gnoll’n Arms.

Now getting into the main drive of this post.

Arekkz’s LOVED watching his people forge weapons ever since he was a pup, and took it upon himself to build his first makeshift weapon. And getting to the city of Tulpio, where he’s seen the people there try to replecate magic through alchemy and steampunk technology, his drive in life is to learn more about magic by “sciencing the shit out of it.”

Cue the MO for how he ends up making his weapons for people. Since I was building an artificer in a world without magic, the challenge would be to figure out certain limitations with how he earned his living, and how he cast spells in unconventional ways. I took a lot of inspiration from the usual aesthetics of gnoll weapons, and a lot from Austraila and Junkertown in Overwatch, while still trying to keep it classy enough for customers to want to come and get an excusive of Arekkz’s work. His trademark being bite indents made on the metal before the final treatment process.

The hardest part for me was to make the weapons he make seem almost like he got things from a junkyard and managed to make something not only functional, but aesthetically pleasing in a rough around the edges kind of way. The “boom stick” on the far right being a failure that didn’t mesh well. Not to mention I want to be able to explain just how they work in some instances without having to leave it to DM disgression. And I even started writing some notes about them in character.

Two of them I’m most proud of. First being the Spark Knife

Arekkz personal weapons are all able to help him with his special brand of spellcasting when not being exclusive to other alchemical components and mixtures (or specialized grenades). The Spark Blade in particular coming in a breakthrough for a personal project of his. A way to cast the Green-Flame Blade cantrip. The handle has compression switches on either side of the handle that causes a spark to emmit from just behind the blade that would ignite flammable vapors that (to the current session) Arekkz would spray and release from a vial.

The concept would actually help get an idea for how to make it work with a longer blade. In character, he had trouble replicating what he could do with the Spark Blade due to short swords and longswords either warping, losing sharpness, or not getting the right amoutn of destructive force needed while stress testing them. He ended up going back to the drawing board to figure out what about the Spark Blade worked, and he realized that the metal had enough mass and surface area to survive being used as a “spell focus”, and the materials used managed to keep it from falling apart.

With that in mind, he ended up forgoing the smaller swords and worked with a slab of metal to get a proper greatsword. And the result...

A successful prototype that survived multiple stress tests, and with it, finally given a name: “The Scrapyard Runt Mk.I” (A personal hommage to how HE started with forging). It’s still a work in process, but leaps and bounds farther than what he was able to do before. 

I’ll post more weapon sketches as we go deeper into the campaign, as Arekkz’ll probably be commissioned to do work for both HIS party and the Side A party that goes the day before us.

[todayisafridaynight]

Funny you mention that, I'm actually planning to go a step further and have proper relationships sections! So every character relationship in the infobox (and then some) can be covered with the depth they deserve.

Of course, that kind of thing can go off the rails fast and become a breeding ground for speculation, so they'll focus solely on the progression of the relationship from the perspective of the character whose article it is, and require a citation for every claim made. (I'd personally like to move towards citing every claim we make period, but it'd probably be best to start with baby steps.)

So I've had that cooking for a while (Jo is coincidentally the character I decided to start with, since he has very few relationships but they're all complex enough for a stress test). I probably shouldn't approach it with the intent to "correct misunderstandings," but I would like to think fans might have an easier time creating in-character fanworks with all of that information in one place. At the very least, you wouldn't necessarily have to go back through all the RGGO stories as a refresher lol.

I've never wanted to address Mine's orientation per se--not that that's quite what you were talking about I think, this is purely as an aside--because a lot of it's considered semantics and I just can't cite it directly in the way I can cite his feelings for Daigo. But on a personal level, I'm honestly surprised at the number of dudebros I've seen who'd be willing to accept he's bi, but being gay is a bridge too far on account of him dating women.

But the point of what he was talking about in the finale is that those relationships weren't at all fulfilling for him, right? Through a purely speculative lens, Jo claiming to be unable to remember Ikumi's name reminds me of that somehow. Like, if that's actually true, you remember every single minute detail of New Year's down to the locker numbers, where Ikumi gave birth, what Arakawa's face looked like, but you can't remember the name of the mother of your child? Alright, man. That's so normal. There's no trauma and/or comphet-adjacence there.

Speaking of--yeah, Masato's card unfortunately comes with no story, so it's not just bad luck. Character stories were discontinued with Kawara and Bessho, I think over a year ago now. On one hand I'm kind of thankful because they've been making it increasingly difficult to actually pull newly-released cards, but on the other hand, it's a huge part of what made cards worth trying for in the first place.

I do get it in terms of sheer volume though; it's mainly Yokoyama and Takeuchi themselves writing everything, and for scale, if I take solely my own translations of all of Mine's events and stories, it'd equal roughly 27.5k words. I can understand putting out that novella-length volume of content--ridiculously HQ content at that--every month isn't feasible when you're also writing for console entries on top of that.

You definitely shouldn't be putting yourself down in comparison though haha, I adore your work precisely because you've got such an excellent grasp on the characters and I always look forward to anything you put out!

Very, very true about Mine and his dad! I think if I were to summarize my findings from the papers (with regard to Mine specifically), Mine has this line in the finale about his hatred of people like Kiryu who "live solely by the principles of giri-ninjo, moral obligation and human feeling." Obviously not translated that way in-game because it's pretty lofty, but there is significance to it as I see it.

Focusing on the ninjo aspect, the papers define the term as "knowing how to [depend and presume upon another’s benevolence] properly and how to respond to the call [to depend and presume] in others." The "dependency need" component is thought develop as a baby first bonds with its parent.

Although it's commonly associated with child and parent, it applies to many forms of dependence, "such as between lovers, friends, husband and wife, teacher and student, employer and employee." It should also be noted it's not strictly hierarchical--superiors depend on their subordinates just as much.

So ninjo is a concept with a history of being considered "specifically as Japanese" in a way Westerners wouldn't understand. (It isn't actually, of course--everyone experiences this form of dependence--however, if I recall correctly, Japanese people were found to be significantly more likely to recognize and admit to it than Westerners.)

By opposing ninjo, a Japanese ideal of dependence, Mine implicitly aligns himself with "the Western ideal of personal independence," which is described as an ideal in which "one might just as well depend upon oneself or become independent, since there is nobody else to depend upon."

This is absolutely rooted in his being an orphan. His "dependency need" was at one point fulfilled by his dad's presence in his life, and once he lost him, he spent the rest of his life fluctuating between searching for someone else who would fulfill it and trying to be someone who doesn't experience "dependency need."

In contrast to Japanese society, where "parental dependency is fostered and its behavior pattern institutionalized into the social structure," the idealized version of Western society values an individual's success over their background. One example is the American myth of the "self-made man," which Mine describes himself as in the original Y3. As an orphan, his rejection of Japanese society in favor of Western society would make sense in that regard as well.

Growing up with no one to depend on and often facing loss and betrayal when he tried to, Mine avoids relying on or trusting others for most of his life. He is independent not because it comes naturally to him, but because of how dependence has hurt him in the past--i.e., "one might just as well depend upon oneself or become independent, since there is nobody else to depend upon."

However, Mine does accept and directly acknowledge the concept at the heart of ninjo when he admits in the finale, "People yearn to trust others. And to be trusted in return." That also coincides with him choosing to end things according to his code of honor as a yakuza, and literally taking the game's main representative of Western culture down with him. It's so perfect within this framework that I have no idea if Yokoyama even knew what he was doing, but He Sure Did It.

But it absolutely works with what you said, and I think it's fairly self-evident because you were able to pick up on it even if you didn't have the exact terminology in mind; Mine once his dependency need fulfilled where Jo never did, and it's made all the difference. I'm a very, very heavily Westernized South Asian still living in South Asia, and I imagine there's less overlap between SAsian culture and EAsian culture, but I've always thought "family values" such as those discussed are more or less ubiquitous in Asian cultures. For what it's worth, I relate strongly to Mine here.

(Also, in case anyone one day accuses me of copying Mine's future personality section from Tumblr, a fair amount of this is from my draft of that. I'm trying my best to make it sound less insane because it's going on a wiki, but y'know.)

Rewinding a little bit, I wanted to point out that Mine being bullied for being an orphan in that specific scene is more or less an invention of Y3R's localization. Kind of an understandable one, because he certainly did face it and Y3R's script was written without ever consulting a Japanese translation, but an invention nonetheless; in that scene, he was being bullied for being poor, not being an orphan.

But I don't think that affects the validity of your point at all, since--and it might not be totally intentional, since Mine wasn't always supposed to be the main antagonist--all the time you spend working with the Morning Glory kids through their problems effectively shows what he may have gone through. Except that he, also like Jo I suppose, had no adults in his life to help him navigate those same problems.

It's hear-twrenching listening to Masato talk about his disability even as an adult, the role internalized ableism played in creating that rift can't be overstated. Brings to mind the image of Arakawa at a complete loss how to respond when Masato was hitting his legs; perhaps if he'd been better-equipped to get through to him as a parent in the way Ichi was able to at the end, things might have turned out different. I think Arakawa displays a lot more emotional maturity and awareness than most characters, but he's not always able or willing to communicate that.

Once again, I absolutely love how your comparison post turned out! I wouldn't have minded being @'d (not that I mind not being @'d) at all haha, I'm not very active so I love getting notifications. Just a huge fan of your presentation, super clean and easy to follow in my opinion. There are a few points I'd love to discuss further, but I know my asks tend to be way too long for what they are haha, so I'll wait. But yeah, just as the Venn diagram of Mine and Jo overlaps, so does the Venn diagram of Mine and Jo fans. Happy to have you in the middle!

I'm glad you got as much out of the books as I did! That's exactly why I think they works super well for them, and I was hoping you'd catch the added Art Appreciator similarity. Also worth noting the art history books appear to be in Polish? I guess you wouldn't need to understand the language if you were more about admiring the art itself (my own art history books are in English and I ignore the text in every single one), but it's kind of funny to have all these thick Tomes you probably can't read.

Also very true. I feel like Hijikata and DS Ryuji aren't quite even since Saigo does exist haha, though he doesn't have as much screen time as Hijikata. There are a few opportunities Mine seems to lose out to Ryuji or others (Ryuji being chosen over him as an RGGO protagonist when Mine was in the running and frankly fit the criteria better, for example), but it is what it is.

Yokoyama did mention the love for the first three games' rivals makes casting for spinoffs really easy though, so I do have hope for more actual Mine! I'd like to see a Dead Souls 2 (he has a pretty good excuse to be cyborg-ified, given the probable state of his body after the fall lmao), or maybe even an Ishin 2, since the events that led to Hijikata and the others' deaths in real life were avoided in Ishin.

I know Yokoyama's talked about a "Y0.5" with Ryuji and Mine, a French Revolution spinoff (???), a Romance of the Three Kingdoms spinoff, and a Sengoku-era Hattori Hanzo spinoff featuring 8 protagonists and the same "all-star" approach to casting as Ishin. Someone else pitched a spinoff for when the yakuza first came into existence, too. And, at one point, before Ichi existed, they were considering continuing the series with Gaiden-type games featuring various characters (though I think going forward, further Gaidens would depend on the success of Gaiden.) So there are lots of possibilities! I really do hope he gets to be a protagonist or playable character one day, since he fits the mold perfectly IMO.

I'm happy you appreciate my offering haha! I hope you'll let us know what you think of Princess Toyotomi and Hero SP whenever you get to them. That is unfortunately how I found out about Toru :') I adore the leads and their relationship myself, so I never would've thought Pure would go there! But I suppose it does check out for Tsutsumi's career.

Good Morning Show is honestly driving me insane because I'm positive I watched it but can't find it at the same address anymore??? I had to watch it with clearly machine translated subs, but it was as chaotic as it looks. Godspeed!

Oh, I also wanted to weigh in on the "Masato's care" line since that was originally supposed to be part of the response (and since the topic of localization is super interesting to me, as someone who not only translates works but translates RGGS' works and has needed to become intimately familiar with the official localization style).

It's an odd choice, because on top of what Anon said, everything from the context to the grammatical construction of the original Japanese sentence should clearly convey that what he's apologizing for is not taking sole responsibility for Masato's care and having Ichiban attend to him on top of his regular duties. He's not apologizing for Masato's care itself being a burden.

Honestly kind of baffling because not two scenes earlier, they convey the exact same sentiment perfectly--"Sorry to bother you with something so personal." [JP] / "I'm sorry to keep asking you to help me with something so personal." [EN]. It's like, to me, talented localization teams should absolutely be celebrated, but they should also be completely "invisible" in the moment. They're not invisible in that moment because it's their biases coming through rather the character or even the writer's biases.

I don't necessarily mean bias in terms of internalizing ableist ideas (it's hard to say it plays no part, given it's a disabled character being discussed, but what I mean is there's not at all enough to go on to conclude it was a malicious or even a conscious decision). I also mean in the sense of getting "locked into" a certain way of thinking about disabled characters and their care, and multiple different teams (base translation, dub editors, and sub editors) going over that line and not thinking twice.

Because like, it's true that in fiction (and unfortunately real life) you do see parents who feel it's a burden, but that doesn't mean Arakawa has to be that way. It kind of undermines RGG Studio's efforts to employ rigorous sensitivity checks starting this "generation" of games (starring Yagami and Ichiban, I mean) when things slip through the cracks like that.

And it's not the only area it happens; there are a number of places where there's this "tunnel vision" surrounding certain ideas that comes to the forefront. One of the things that leads to is instances of "pigeonholing" characters into pre-existing molds while not giving enough consideration to who the characters actually are in this particular work.

For me Jo actually got the brunt of it (or perhaps I was just most sensitive to it), from marketing to localization. Marketing-wise, the very first time we saw him in English-language trailers, it was literally for one second after either the word "BAD" or a synonym flashed on-screen. A far cry from Tsutsumi's one-on-one interview where he explicitly says Jo is doing everything in service of a deeper motive, his English voice actor was not interviewed at all, while most major characters' English voice actors were.

Localization-wise, there's one thing that perfectly encapsulates (if you'll allow me to be dramatic for a moment) "What Went Wrong." It's what they decided to call Jo's fighting style. The fact it went from Shame Style to something as trite as Vile Blade genuinely haunts me to this day. Just the sheer flanderization in taking a name that lays bare the core of his character and motivations, a name that conveys perfectly how he sees himself as inhuman and irredeemable, and then turning it inside-out to suggest he IS inhuman and irredeemable? That's insane to me.

Of course, I'm not really able to gauge whether/how that kind of thing actually affected the reception or general understanding of him as a character since I haven't participated in the fandom at all for years, but I do wonder if it has.

Having pages dedicated to relationships and including how each character perceives their relationships sounds like a fair idea (I've always been a fan about how on Masato's page, Yumeno is regarded as his 'girlfriend' while on her page he's only her 'customer'. It's a small detail all things considered, but it's a great way to emphasize how much impact one party can have on another and can deepen the significance of relationships and interactions)! And having citations at the ready is always a good idea to help clear up misinformation or just to simply provide tidbits people are curious about, though obviously with a franchise as big as RGG (including RGGO content), it's very easy to understand if it would take significant time to have absolutely everything accounted for. It's what makes the time dedicated to this kind of work all the more respectable, really!

When it comes to Mine- or any character honestly- and their orientation, for the sake of sharing information clearly, I think it'd be better just to focus on what's provided opposed to trying to find a concrete label for it, so I can't say I'm all too upset at the lack of a solid 'confirmation' and I am grateful for the material given that lets us work towards one conclusion and another.

It is surprising to me that people are more open to Mine being bisexual though (I usually see people try to ignore the fact bisexuality is an option. It's a weird win I guess..). But as you've pointed out, I personally believe Mine's case was more about a case of comphet behavior, as the line where he alludes to his past relations with women it's from a segment where he's specifically highlighting how he wasn't happy abiding by what should have made him happy. I still don't know how people observed the full scene but decided to block out the very next line where he says he was unsatisfied and just walked away with 'Mine likes women'. ☠️

Onto Jo though, the state of his memory about Masato's birth really is jarring when you point it out. It's one thing to just chalk it up to a sprinkle of misogyny and not finding Ikumi important (though at least RGG was nice enough to give her files a proper name), but really thinking about it, it's incredibly bizarre he doesn't remember at all. Not considering the actual nine months they had to live together for Ikumi to have Masato, I'd assume they'd have to live together a little longer than that then- and still nothing...? But everything else about that night... Definitely something to raise an eyebrow about lmao

That's unfortunate about the RGGO stories though! But like you said, it's totally understandable as to why they had to discontinue them (but also of course, they were a big attraction to me personally to play the game and card hunt), especially when it's only two people already having to juggle other projects. But thank you for the encouragement with my own personal projects: I try not to be too hard on myself since that certainly won't do anything, and it certainly helps to know that I'm on the right track with what I'm doing! I really do love these characters (and I'm also terribly aware they're a bit unpopular all things considered), so I always want to do what I can to do them justice for myself and other fans!

Highlighting Mine's preference towards the West has really been a great experience- it's something I've only noticed on small scales (i.e. his foreign car and of course his English), but bringing it to light like this has really helped validate and further my understanding of him! That being said, Mine most definitely has adopted the American mentality of stressing independence and not relying on others, and it's undoubtedly come as a result of his upbringing. Ergo, analyzing Mine in relation to his connection not just with American philosophy but also giri-ninjo is definitely worthwhile, and from the sounds of it absolutely significant to understanding his character and his motives (it's certainly something I'm already taking notes on for the future)!

Moreover, I've always been a fan of Mine and his ability to acknowledge the inherit need to have companionship, or at the very least his subconscious need for bonds. In that, it's clear Mine's pursuit of independence was a way to protect himself (I might dare to say he lets down his guard fairly easily all things considered, though I won't ignore his caution towards Daigo and Kanda when initially meeting them. Moreover, it's just clear that when he feels betrayed, despite convincing himself he's a lone wolf, he feels that pain significantly- much greater than someone who sincerely believes themselves to be independent should). Just as you've said, Mine's suicide and taking Richardson with him is really a solid and magnificent way to round off his character through the lens of him putting to rest his solitary philosophy. Going further with gameplay interwoven with story telling, the time-consuming Dad Simulator bits of Y3 really do help highlight how much the kids of Morning Glory- and in that case orphans in general- rely on adults like Kiryu to navigate life. And evidently, that experience ties back into Mine and his frustrations with not just people like Kiryu who help others without expecting a reward, but also how the less fortunate are able to receive that help where as Mine wasn't offered that.

On that note, I feel like I remember learning that the 'orphan' bit was an inclusion, but I guess I forgot that detail along the way. Nevertheless, I'm just about to start eating drywall over the translation differences at this point- even if my point isn't moot, I still can't help but feel an anxiety that I'm going to greatly misinterpret something (and I can certainly get back to this point later when it comes to the likes of Jo's in the west). At the very least, it's a better incentive to brush up on my Japanese. I'll take what I can though: I'm glad that what I've said it still valid in some parts!

The case of Masato's something that's always going to intrigue my mind (I owe myself a chance to properly sit down and analyze him). There's so many aspects at play that could have affected how he turned out as an adult, and family is undoubtedly a major factor contributing to that outcome. To expand on that, it's inarguable that Arakawa was doing the most he could for Masato as not only a young, single father who had a complicated relationship with his own parents, but also having to operate as a ruthless yakuza to the rest of Kamurocho meant not only was he busy, but he needed to uphold an image and make sure his son wasn't too involved with that life. In this, it seems apparent that Arakawa's conditions to be a parent weren't exactly ideal, and as a result it's fair to assume he potentially 'under performed' in some aspects due to these circumstances, so to say (we see he keeps himself active in Masato's life when he's an adult, so it's not as though I'm proposing it's a case of neglect. It's unfortunate we really don't get more of the Arakawa Family's family life to better understand their circumstances).

Thank you for your compliments on my comparison post! I didn't want to come off as bothersome, but I'll make sure to tag you in any future posts I make that are inspired by you ^^ Honestly, I thought my post was a bit messy on some parts, but I'm thrilled to hear it was comprehensive- and of course, I've love to hear your input on any points in the future if you ever feel like sharing them!

The topic of RGG spinoffs has been a topic between a friend and I every now and then (though I never would have expected a French Revolution game????), so it's astounding to hear about the various ideas that have been floating around (I would be excited the most for a game about Hanzo though- I remember obsessing over him while I was in middle school for whatever reason lmao)! In any case, spinoffs would be a great way to utilize one-off characters: it might not be mainline or technically canon, but being able to see the characters again is never something I can complain about so long as the game's fun and the story's engaging!

I'll make sure to keep you posted on how I feel about Princess Toyotomi and Hero SP: I have an insatiable need to share everything on my mind, so I'll undoubtedly talk about them and whatever thoughts I have! Again, I have to apologize about spoiling the end like that- I really didn't expect them to go that way either when I first saw it honestly! But I can't say it was a terrible ending- unfortunate, but I wasn't super mad about it.

Now returning to the state of RGG's translations, that is especially weird in that situation in particular when they have a similar line in the same (or about the same, anyway) scene? As you've said, it might have been an unfortunate case of penning in something based off of independent thought, though it's still unfortunate because it did have the potential to alter not just the scene itself, but Arakawa's character as well (and of course, we would have hoped RGG wold improve when it comes to sensitive topics at this point).

And onto a point I've been weirdly excited to get to, the case of Jo and how the west seemed to handle him. Maybe it's because of America's tendency to make marketing more 'aggressive' (my personal favorite case is making Kirby appear angrier in ads? Because rage and cute-pink-puffball makes sense to me), so opposed to a more grey portrayal they went with something more blunt. Though, it's incredibly strange that Jo seemed to receive such a 'particular' treatment when it came to marketing? My only theory is that they just really wanted Jo's 'reveal' in the Coin Locker Baby chapter to be all the more impactful, but it's just messy honestly.

More importantly, the change of his style's name is also really unfortunate to me. As you've said, it strips interesting aspects of his character away, and a major aspect of his character is evidently guilt. I can't fathom trying to construct his character to be violent without reason, it really undermines what makes him so compelling.

Though, I guess if it's anything, from what I've seen this change in presentation has done little to impact people's perception of him (but maybe that's because I haven't really seen anyone else in the west talk about him...)

[atarev]

Magnolia Masques Set 12

Hello again!

I cant remember if its been a week or a lil less or more but! I figure writing around the time episodes release is a good strategy. Especially since the anime's on break this week!

Can you guys sense a trend with these? It's almost like the Masques this set are unassuming but good! (Except one)

But for now! Let's look at the next Blackout member made Uniformer made punching bag made Blackout member! Magnolia Masques!

I vividly remember my reaction to this card on reveal! And that's that it was overcosted as hell by virtue of its mechanic and bad as a result, here's why!

[CONT](VC):During your turn, all of your rear-guards on (RC) with a Dragontree marker can attack from the back row, and get [Power]+10000. [ACT](VC)1/Turn:COST [Remove a card with "Magnolia" in its different card name from this unit from hand, soul, or drop], and this unit gets "[AUTO](VC):When your rear-guard attacks a vanguard from the back row, choose one of your opponent's rear-guards, and retire it." until end of turn.

Dragontree markers? Like the markers that cost cb and ocassional soul to make?? So you're handing your opponent control of your deck's ceiling??

Not quite! Thanks to the speed of the format, Magnolia Masques definitely has to be respected and played around! You can't just simply ignore it, and this list will show why!

Code: 2Q5T9 once again on JP Decklog!

Here's the list in question! By combining knowledge from content creators, high-quality players + my own inclinations about what this deck needs, this is the final result! I'll go into more detail under the cut, but if you were just looking for a list then ta-dah! Go wild!

Alright! So the big thing that previous magnolia players might notice is we're only using 2 sylvan beast rearguards! Not Giunosla or Gabregg or Daimanaru and we're also not using the 'staple' Inlet Pulse! There are reasons for all of this!

Firstly, the deck cbs and sbs enough with making markers and using serrol to generate board-wide persona power, so we simply dont have resources for it the first two! Daimanaru would only be online for 1 turn, and inlet is frankly a waste when you could have a card like tideline which actually helps you win!

So lets take a deeper look at the two name-dropped cards! Sylvan Horned Beast, Serroll and Tide Line Dragon!

Seroll! The card that turns your masques turn into a real proper threat through his simple buff of persona power to the back row!

One thing to keep in mind with Seroll is that his persona buff effect is Continuous! That means that if you persona ride, and then call him down right before you start attacking, every back row unit will have that buff!

Seroll is also a key card in finding Magnolia Masques! Both for the initial Masques ride and further persona turns!

Seroll really just pushes the deck up a rung because of the sheer poewr he enables, and we're not done talking about power cards yet either! Because Tide Line Dragon is next!

Tide Line Dragon! If you've persona ridden you SB1 to give him and another unit +10k!

This isnt the first time Tide Line's been seen with the Masque units, making his proper debut outside of Maelstrom with Lianorn Masques as a way to raise the ceiling of your highroll to play 2 of these on a LiaMasques turn and light your opponent up!

He fills a similar role here except he's a bit more versatile because he's able to pick anything to give his power to! So if you have a rock-solid backrow but your other front row is a Depth Iwelth lacking power, slap a Tide Line buff on it! Even better if you're able to use 2 at once and Really light em up!

Keeping with the theme of the last article, Tide Line may be an unprecedented pick when people are probably thinking about Forced Grow Dragon as a necessity, and I'm gonna explain why I really don't think that's the case!

Forced Grow Dragon for one thing is another cb, which you need 3 of the make your whole back-row have markers. Considering you want to conserve your hand until you can Full Power Masques, you might not even have the resources to Forced Grow, or even be able to keep him in hand against the potential clap-back turn against a deck like Gandeeva or WIllista as the top-dogs.

Going into some other choices, namely draws, no main-deck magnolia and the stoich OT. The reason for draws is you have the ability to make multiple decent size attacks, or 3 big ones thanks to how mag masques will often have g1s like Bist and Seroll in the back. Draws can help you find pieces in a deck that really really needs them compared to Orfist Masques where if you get going once you're generally fine for the game.

No main-deck Mag because there isnt really space, and its usefulness is also limited given decks like Willista, Gandeeva, Orfist Masques and Bastion Accord either mirage their boards, make their boards out of replaceable pieces or just cant be targeted by retire effects. Considering all of those decks are the top echelon at the moment, the skill will likely see one use against decks like Viamance, Youth, Drajeweled and other decks that can't recoup such a loss

Finally the Stoich OT. A case can certainly be made for Blue or even Red here, but I just find the general power it gives is very versatile, giving you every trigger effect in one no matter when you check it is going to be useful in some way. Given that you want early cb you'll likely be able to use its heal effect, and the extra crit and draw are very welcome indeed.

Those are all my thoughts this time around! There might be a break from Masques decks after this or next week since there are only 2 left, and one of them I dont think there's much point in salvaging for a Variety of reasons (those of you who follow the game closely will probably know what I'm talking about).

Though even in the case of that deck (Grav Masques), play what you like! I met someone on a big VG Discord that actually likes Gravidia which just goes to show, there's a deck for everyone no matter what! So go ahead and play it!

Once again, if this gets any even remotely notable outreach to other people in the cfvg tumblr crew, feel free to suggest decks! I'm going to be focusing on Set 12 for now, and then maybe move forward or backward depending on what I feel like!

Thanks for reading and have a good one! Ciao!

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 4,825

[S] Jane: Proceed.

Song used: Ruins (With Strings) by Erik Scheele and Michael guy bowman

song commentary:

Erik Scheele:

This one is really hardly me, honest, it’s all Bowman. Ruins was this piano recording I’d put up back when I still hardly knew how to record anything, and then Bowman just went and added magic to it. And the piano track, that’s just another one of those “improvisations out of nowhere”, no real purpose or theory-thinking beforehand to delegate anything to it. Especially the descending-thirds, no way I could have just thought about that and been like “Yes that is a good thing to be doing”, it was just spur of the moment thinking.

(Ruins was one of the first things I contributed to the music forum after getting on the team, a small improvisation based around descending seconds which was made back when I still had no idea how to record things properly. Since Earth was kind of a gigantic wasteland planet at that point (and it still is, today), I conceptually tied my recording in with that, and called it Ruins.

Of course, I really doubt that Ruins would have gotten anywhere if it wasn’t for Bowman, who pretty much surprised me sometime before Volume 5 with an updated version of my recording, which made the piano sound better and added a lot of other instruments to it, really adding a lot of depth and atmosphere to an otherwise-shoddy recording. And then, when Volume 5 came around, it was released as “Ruins (With Strings)”, which is what you just heard in the update!

I know I’ve got a better recording of Ruins kicking around here somewhere, I’ll have to see if something can be done with it.)

Michael Guy Bowman:

Really it’s the “(With Strings)” part that is my doing. When Jit was first inducted to the team, he did not have access at the time to a proper recording environment or midi controller that he could apply a high-quality piano sound to, so he had recorded his piano demo for “Ruins” on what I’m guessing is an on-board laptop microphone. I thought the composition was really great but knew that it would sound too unpolished to make the cut onto a Homestuck album, so I resolved to write a string accompaniment around his composition.

By applying an incredibly enormous amount of reverb to the piano part, I hid the low fidelity of the original recording and made it sound as though it was hauntingly played to the listener from the other end of a cave. Given my lack of any truly convincing string samples, I chose instead to use deliberately mechanical strings, gently de-tuning them to sound a bit reminiscent of early string synthesizers, somewhat inspired by “Crystal Japan”, a creepy instrumental by David Bowie.

Some of the other elements of the ambiance (the wind, the really high notes that echo for a long time) I drew from the soundtrack to World of Goo, specifically the track “Jelly” which I noticed bore a strong resemblance tonally to Jit’s composition. To seal the melancholy, I doubled the piano melody on guitar using a very cool, muted sound with a lot of echoes and pitch bends. I signed the tune by adding a cadence from “Sburban Jungle” at the very end.

Really, the track should probably be listed simply as “Ruins” if not for the fact that there is not official piano rendition of the piece. I think it would be really cool to hear such a version of the tune if Jit ever found himself recording material in a studio again (as he did for James’s piano suite Sburb).

[nocompromise-noregrets]

14, 21 for the writing asks!

woohoo, thank you! <333333 Doing All I Want Is You for the hell of it because I need to get back on with that one, although I've been thoroughly distracted by Barduil Month *eyedart* XD

14. What have you been finding frustrating with writing this chapter/fic? argh, just getting on with it. I've run to a stop slightly because of personal trauma reasons - I'm exaggerating, but basically I've come to the point where the family are all exploring the attics and cellars of Greenwood Hall and finding all sorts of exciting things, but I'm a bit scarred-for-life on that from having four days to completely clear the cellars at job number two prior to renovations at the end of 2019, and most of the stuff we were digging out was in terrible condition because it'd been put in the one and only damp cellar at some point, whereas if they'd only gone one cellar further along the stuff would have been dry, if filthy dirty - but they didn't, and it was damp and crumbling away and some of it had entirely turned into earth, and it absolutely broke my heart/frustrated me to no end. My volunteer/researcher is still working her way through the stuff cleaning and sorting it, and it's a reminder every time I see it. At this point I want nothing more than to be shot of the whole collection (it's of international significance and should really be somewhere with proper storage facilities and access to funding and knowledgeable staff to look after it, I'm totally out of my depth with it). So...uh, yeah. There's fun stuff to come, but I'm really struggling with this particular bit.

21. Share 3 songs that would belong on a playlist for this chapter/fic. I don't tend to make playlists (far too much like hard work XD ) and as a general rule there aren't really songs that fit most of my fics - a kiss in the cold and dark-'verse is an exception because it's based very heavily on my late teenage years and there are songs galore that could go on a playlist for that one if I think about it hard enough. But for All I Want Is You...I suppose it'd probably be the songs that gave the various fics their titles. So we've got It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas (the Bing Crosby version, absolutely not the Michael Bublé one), All I Want Is You by U2 and, I suppose, All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey although I do not like a single song she's ever released (her musical style is really really not my thing) and if I was really making a playlist that song would be nowhere near it. XD I suppose Himself's version of Love is a Battlefield could go on it instead, given that that crops up in one of the ficlets, but then I'd never be able to listen to it for the crippling awkwardness... XDDDD

thank you for asking! <333333 anyone else want to ask me stuff about my WIPs? (if you want a specific one, just ask :D there's All I Want Is You, Break You But You'll Mend, and whatever I'm going to end up calling part 4 of It's Always Been You...)

[du04]

February Wrap-Up

Hi everyone, hope February has treated you well. Hope you've been up to some cool things.

This month’s wrap-up is, in the manner of this very same month, rather short (at least on paper, it felt like 5 years to me). Hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3

Games

On the first of this month, I woke up to the trailer of Death Stranding 2. Being a fan of the original one, this was great news, and the release date being foreseen in 2024, I will definitely find a proper time to replay it before the second instalment, since it will probably come to PC ‘only’ in 2026. Regarding the trailer itself, I was surprised at how different it is from the first teaser and my mind was blown. I also can’t wait for the film :)

For what I actually, played, here goes:

Powerwash Simulator, as mentioned in my 2023 Wrap-Up, I have been playing this game (only) while listening to audiobooks and podcasts, which is a perfect combination, as it helps me to release steam/pressure while listening to a long passage of something stressful and/or awful happening.

Played some more Immortal Fenyx (see last month’s review, still a great game)

Made a spreadsheet of games I haven’t finished, to try and complete them, so I played some Hue (last opened on 27th December 2022!) and I think I’m close to finishing it but also not feeling bothered. Same reason for playing a little bit of The House of Da Vinci, which I last opened in June 2023.

I don’t think this method of forcing myself to play was a great idea because if you take the latter, it is a well-made game, but my mindset is to just finish as quickly as possible, which is hindering my enjoyment

Books

Dirt Town by Hayley Scrivenor is a dark mystery set in a small Australian rural town. A 12-year-old girl does not come home, the investigation on her disappearance digs up collateral secrets.

I found this to be a complete page-turner. In terms of structure and even themes, I found it similar to Beartown, which is an (audio)book I really enjoyed too. Revolving third-person POVs, small-town inhabitants and their secrets, a crime at the centre of the story, the name of the place consisting of an adjective related to the place + town (lol). Just a couple of funny similarities, the story is wildly different with unique characters.

Dirtown is more of a character study with a mystery at its centre, rather than the opposite. The events unravelling in the narrators lives as we’re going through the investigation are the main thrilling events. This makes for an easy re-read. I absolutely loved learning about the different characters, and it’s been a while since a book has made me impatient and excited to go home to continue reading.

The last few pages really made me cry.

4.75/5

I will be looking forward to Hayley Scrivenor’s next book; I’ve heard she’ll keep her characters’ depth and fullness at the centre of her writing, which is a great thing, and that it’ll be happening in a small town, which is a setting I tend to love.

I started but did not finish Internet for the People. A subtitled “manifesto” that talks about how technology and capitalism affect the internet and society. It explores different ideas for making the internet more democratic. This book focuses specifically on why and how the internet came to be a privatised business tool, focusing on the United States. I tend to skim synopsis, and picking this up, I thought it would be about how the internet and the web are being reappropriated by small communities, which it is not.

I would have liked a different angle than this one took, but that’s just due to my own expectations and interests. DNF at 30%.

I really thought I would have finished my current graphic novel read and the first volume of Crime and Punishment, or any other book, but I didn’t; I haven’t felt like doing much at all but binge-watch Gilmore girls.

Podcasts

Overthink. I stumbled upon this lovely podcast where the two hosts, who are Doctors in Philosophy, discuss contemporary, everyday topics through a philosophical lens. I’ve listened to the episodes on anxiety (the best episode so far), nostalgia (a few insightful comments) and cottagecore (big fan of David’s points in this one). I highly recommand, it is entertaining, smart, and very accessible.

Music

Discovered 1001 Albums, I can’t commit to doing anything every single day so it’s not for me, but it’s a brilliant idea: everyday it gives you one album to listen to, I did it for one day, and it was (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?, I thought most of the songs sounded the same lol, but they are fine nonetheless. I’ve always liked the song Don’t Look Back in Anger.

I also bought a cheap concert ticket for Nils Frahm in May :)

Series

In the second half of the month, I wasn’t so much in a gaming mood (or anything mood), and feeling quite low, I ended up continuing Gilmore girls after a 2-month break. I’m glad I took such a break because I believe ‘binge-watching’ it made me feel too accustomed. Coming back to the humour made me laugh again, just like at the beginning.

Also, happy to hear Evil season 4 is releasing in May! So glad it’s getting a proper ending, and I’m sure it will be well-rounded.

Films

Saltburn (2023) was aesthetically strong but highly underwhelming in its narrative. It started out great, but is So Empty, it really shocked me. I thought it was the perfect example of the word “pretentious”, that is, it pretends to be something it is not (too often I feel like this word is not employed the right way, used as a synonym for snobbish or highbrow when it really should not be). Barry Keoghan truly shines in this, and I still had a relatively entertaining time.

I watched Heat (1995) without knowing much about it, it was on MUBI and about to leave, and was vaguely aware of it because of this thing:

And wow! The tension is perfect, capturing my attention completely, I loved all the silence, as well as the minimalist soundtrack and dialogues. I would rewatch it if the occasion presented itself.

Passages (2023) was fine, and I want to see more messy and emotionally impulsive main characters like in this film.

Birdman (2014), I remember my mum raving about it when it first came out, and as it was leaving MUBI (you can see a pattern here) I gave it a try. Some shots were truly ingenious, and storywise, I always love a touch of magical realism. I feel, had I been more familiar with the Broadway scene, I would have more to think about.

Misc

Philosophy

I’ve been looking online for remote-learning certificates (1 year max) in Philosophy from regular universities but didn’t find anything that I found interesting, affordable, completely remote and part-time (I mean, with those criteria I’m not surprised). I ended up enrolling in the EDX course on Introduction to Philosophy, and it’s a lot of fun. The approach to teaching is satisfying and I appreciate the humour. The topic of God’s non/existence is taken as a canvas to learn about philosophical “grammar”, as well as learning about existing arguments, which I find highly enjoyable. There’s still a lot to learn with this course and beyond: exciting :)

Quiz: MLQ

I stumbled upon this very short questionnaire that assesses your level of “Presence”(feeling of meaning in life) and “Search” (active exploration and pursuit of meaning). I took it just for fun as my attitude towards meaning is “be busy, enjoy things” and I’m the last person to think about the significance of my life, as it is non-existent, and I think this concept is a little bit ridiculous, just a little bit.

If you’re interested in trying it out, go directly to the last page and only after read the results on the 2nd page. > Here <

Cooking

I used to be a self-described cook and food enjoyer until January 2023 when the spirit of Auguste Gusteau decided it had enough of me and left my body. From then on, I had to be on my own, which consisted of me making pasta salads, some protein with rice, and later on Basic Bagels, tortellini, and instant noodles for 6 months straight. Well, this month changed a little bit as I made 1 recipe! Woo-hoo! Thanks to this recipe with 5 ingredients: bread, sour cream, jalapeños, egg and chorizo. Easy, filling and relatively healthy? And that’s it… one step at a time, right?

Life

This month felt so long. When I realised that early January was only two months ago, I could sense a feeling of existential crisis peeking out of my heart (which I promptly whacked back in 👍).

Broke up with the BF.

Been feeling mentally tired. Didn’t feel like doing anything, nor felt like reviewing anything. Hence, why this month’s post is relatively succinct.

Started learning how to dance a bit. Loving the warm days and the collapse of humanity they’re bringing with them. Enjoying my solitude. Planned a trip to Budapest with a friend.

[emotionalhardcore]

THE BEST EMO/SCREAMO BLOGSPOTS!

Too cool for Sophie’s Floorboard? Confused by Soulseek? Want to feel like a skramz kid in the mid 00s? Or just curious to explore a BIG part of 00′s Real Emo Internet Culture? Then this post is for you!

I have, underneath the “Keep reading”, compiled my favourite emo blogspots on the internet! ENJOY!!! And please share and visit the blogs, as I put a lot of effort into this particular (and every blog put a lot of effort into their own posts)

el basurero del emo

South American emo and screamo barely gets any traction online, and that is a huge fucking bummer. I am particularly fond of most emo n’ skramz that comes out of Chile, and all the bands that are worth checking out can be found on this blog! (Asides from Tenemos Explosivos...)

The quality on the downloads are as good as it can get, it’s pretty obvious that el basurero del emo puts quality over quantity. The quality also shines in the writing, as almost all posts in the blog contain in depth information on bands. It’s in spanish so if you don’t speak it then please google translate them, as it’s really They also have released two compilations of South American emo that can be found here.

Behind “el basurero del emo” we have Enzo Raffler, mastermind behind emoviolence band “mis suenos son de tu adios”. Probably one of the people who are most involved with screamo in South America. So by all means go support him however you can!

This Endless Breath

This blogspot is specified in emo/screamo from the 00s! Lots of GREAT deep cuts for all of you who wish to get insane amounts of obscure skramz knowledge.

Just like “el basurero del emo”, this blog is not extremely active BUT This Endless Breath is quite active on their youtube channel. So if you’re iffy about downloading a whole bunch of random screamo then you’re in luck.

What makes this blog so amazing, in my opinion, is the sheer amount of obscure shit it has. If you are into the more well known side of screamo, then reading through the bands list will be mindblowing because holy shit there’s barely any mainstream stuff in here. The only bands close to more well known are Blow Up, Isodora Crane, Love Lost But Not Forgotten and Vincent Black Shadow (AND I THINK THIS SAYS A LOT!!! BECAUSE MOST OF THESE ASIDE FROM LLBNF ARE NOT KNOWN!!!)

Desperate and Lonely

Desperate and Lonely is a total classic when it comes to emo blogging. Really good quality downloads, rarely untagged files and full band discographies! Desperate and Lonely is an example of what a proper skramz blog is all about!

To adress the elephant in the room: No, I neither read nor understand russian (the language this blog is in) But with the magic of this amazing skill called common sense, the blog should not be difficult to browse through. Just don’t forget to click on “read more” so you get the whole stuff! I do wish I understood russian, as it appears that the blog, aside from writing a lot of info on the bands, also sometimes interviews the bands! I google translated the The Pine interview and trust me it’s GREAT so I think the other release should be equally good.

Angry Emo Nerd

THIS right here is my absolute favorite emo blog! Even if it no longer is active, the amount of bands it left us with is more than enough. Some stuff comes untagged and in bad quality/missing info YET it’s definitely my favorite for finding old emo.

Not too mainstream and not too obscure, Angry Emo Nerd has the perfect balance for the aspiring emo nerd! I am reminded of a line from a The Saddest Landscape song (”flipping through the record bins... it’s all a little too obscure... and im just looking for something more familiar”) Sometimes you don’t need to download screamo that is TOO obscure, personally I find it overwhelming.

Anyways! Most of the stuff you might find here can also be found on his youtube channel! If Simon B doesn’t have what you are looking for then this channel might!

drifting with the ice

Compared to all the other dusty ass skramz blogs, “drifting with the ice” is fresh and new! The blog seems to have started in April 2021 and has been pumping out pure quality screamo both in the blogspot and their youtube account since then.

Every post contains what seemingly is as much information as possible, with high quality pictures of the releases being hosted. Seriously, even if you have a hard time sitting down and reading, the sweet writing style this blog is written in makes it very fun and interesting to read through.

I haven’t visited this blog enough to say more, but it’s such a good one that it deserves to be mentioned in this list. Can’t wait to see this blog keep going!

That was all I had to share! It feels obvious but I will say it anyways: If you have the ability to support the bands then please please do it. Especially if they’re still active. Like, I doubt that some obscure 90s emo band that only released one demo tape will get economically destroyed because you downladed them off a random screamo blog. BUT if the band is relatively modern and active then all money and support can be used for the wellbeing of the band, and in return, for the wellbeing of the scene.

Let me know if there are other great blogspots you like!

[sooibian]

Twist of Fate

image credits: @/exoxoxoid (twitter)

Pairing: Criminal Psychologist Kyungsoo x Crime Reporter OC (Miss Jung) ft. Minseok, Jongin

Description: Much against your wishes, you are back in your hometown to write about the murders of two young women - your only ticket out is the criminal psychologist who has been assisting Superintendent Kim Minseok with offender profiling.

Inspired by: Sharp Objects, The Fall and this moodboard by @is-that-baekhyuns-shirt​ 

Tags/Warnings: Serial killer AU - angst, grief, loss, murders, descriptions of anxiety, reactive and attentive immobility, asphyxiation, indicative of humiliation, explicit and graphic situations. Please do not read onward if any of this triggers or upsets you!!!!

Word count: +3.7k

A/N: ...i need to stop watching crime dramas. 

@leewalberg​ @his-mochi-cheeks​ @changshapatrol​ 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

When you left Cheongsong, you’d left for good. Or so you’d thought.

Ten years later what brought you back was not your family, for you had none left, but the murders of two young women that had left the quaint little town, surrounded by hills artistically contoured by apple orchards, shaken and distraught.

Everyone knew each other in Cheongsong which should have made Superintendent Kim Minseok’s job easier, but he was caught in an ugly snare of emotions which seemed to have clouded his critical thinking faculties. These were people he knew closely, people he’d grown up with. For him, pointing fingers at any of them meant carving permanent cracks in relationships that were stronger than most familial ties.

“Off the record, then”, you shoved your scratchpad back into your purse, turned off the recorder with a click and looked at Minseok square in the eyes, only to find the amiable, portly, catlike footballer you went to school with hidden in their farthest, darkest depths - reduced to a mere whimsy. The memories of the man who sat before you, now seemed abysmally distorted by the colossal burden of the unknown.

“It never is.” He chuckled darkly, took a measured sip of his bourbon and rolled it around his tongue before swallowing. “Never thought I’d see you here again.”

“That makes two of us. Write about killings in your hometown...it makes an impact because it’s personal, my boss says. We’re to...exploit the fact that nobody substantial is covering this.” You recited, eyes trained on the sliver of grime on the coaster.

Minseok clicked his tongue in disapproval and enquired, “Where have you been staying?” 

“A guest house by the Country Club.”

“So, not the Mansion”, he remarked callously.

Wounds that had barely healed came undone at the mention of your family home. Your throat tightened and you felt as if you had been shanked with a broken bottle in the stomach. The ill fated house reeked of misfortune, grief and loss. Its inhabitants had fallen one by one like lined up dominoes. This curse had forced you out to start a new life in Seoul.

“It’s still quite well kept, you know.” Minseok stated matter-of-factly.

Taking a deep swig of your bourbon, you explained earnestly as the burn of the liquid blazed down your throat, “Minseok, I want nothing more than to get out of here. So, please, give me something. A nugget.” 

“I don’t want to be quoted on this. Or misquoted. This is all new to me as well. Two bodies in three months? Can you imagine?” Overcome with emotion, he ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut.

You put a comforting hand on his and offered in a voice laced with empathy, “Listen, from where I stand, all you need is a new line of inquiry and linking these two murders would give you one. I’ve seen the pictures.” 

You swiped through images of two dark haired women on your phone - Park Soojin and Seo Jinri. Both of them were in their late twenties. They lay in their own beds as if soundly asleep, modesty protected only by sheer white blankets, crimson tinted lips parted ever so slightly, freshly painted nails shining in dim lighting. And roses. There were a couple of red roses placed by their side as if in condolence. The blood curdling strangulation marks around their necks made them look like dreadfully divine paintings. 

“They could be sisters”, you observed with moist eyes, voice hushed to a whisper.

Contemplating on the images with pursed lips, Minseok responded with a tight nod and waved a 50,000 bill in the waitress’ general direction.

“Where’d you find these?” He asked in a threateningly calm voice, averting his eyes from your apparently disagreeable gaze.

“You know that’s confidential”, you replied, half-shrugging, nonchalant.

“I’ll drop you home”, he muttered, and shoved his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans. 

With a defeated sigh you grabbed your purse and phone and proceeded to follow Minseok out of the only bar in Cheongsong, “No, it’s fine. I could use a walk.”

Suddenly, he turned around, searched your eyes for a fleeting second before admitting begrudgingly, “Kim Jongin. He’s the prime suspect in the first case. The murder of Park Soojin.”  

Your legs froze. “What?! Why?”

You knew Kim Jongin, like you knew everyone else in this town. His family owned one of the biggest apple orchards in Cheongsong but Kim Jongin never manifested that in his behaviour. He was known to be friendly, kind, sensitive. Almost too sensitive some would say.

“That’s it. That’s your nugget. Here.” He handed you a business card bearing the name ‘Dr. Doh Kyungsoo’. “He’s been informally assisting with offender profiling. He’ll talk to you. Seems like he’ll talk to anyone, really. Now get in the car, it’s freezing out here.” 

.

.

.

“Dr. Doh, thank you for taking the time to meet with me.”

Dr. Doh Kyungsoo’s home office was a detached unit with a separate entrance, distanced from his main residence. It was exactly the way you’d imagined a psychologist’s office to be - light coloured walls, comfortable chairs, soft pillows, insipid artwork. Neat and clean, fostering a sense of comfort for visitors. 

The Doh family had moved into Cheongsong shortly after you’d left for Seoul. Coming from old money in search of some peace and quiet, they invested in agricultural distribution, Cheongyang Pepper farms and assumed one of the more significant estates to live in while their only son, Doh Kyungsoo, was sent abroad to pursue higher education.   

“Please, call me Kyungsoo.” He took your hand in his, gave it a good, firm shake and gestured you to take the chair opposite his.

“I think ‘Dr. Doh’ should be fine”, you stated plainly and he acknowledged with a curt nod.

“What brings you here?” Asked Kyungsoo, holding your gaze, hands folded in his lap as he leaned back into his chair with a soft sigh. 

Grimacing, you waved your recorder at him, “They say you’re my ticket out of this godforsaken place.”

Minseok had helped you set up the meeting so you thought it proper to waive cumbersome introductions and niceties and Kyungsoo seemed very much in sync with your line of thought. 

He smiled, “I’m merely a bystander, Miss Jung, with slightly more informed opinions, maybe.”

“Informed opinions are what I’m here for, Dr. Doh.” You smiled back, “Superintendent Kim Minseok doesn’t seem to like you very much.”

“He’s a man shackled by bureaucracy and I’m a constant reminder of his team’s staggering incompetence, If I were him, I wouldn’t like me very much either.”

“Do you think there’s a link between the two murders?” 

He nods. “I’m fairly certain there is.” 

“But the police won’t look into it? Why is that?”

“Nobody likes a serial, Miss Jung. Besides, there’s no way the team could cope with the increased workload of linked inquiries. There are over a hundred statements, documents, officers’ reports waiting to be read and actioned. And the case of Park Soojin is a peculiar one.”

“Kim Jongin’s girlfriend? How so?”

“She was the ex-wife of a member of the parliament. This case does absolutely no favours to his image so he needs it solved immediately.” 

The word solved was treated to air quotes.

“So, they’ve ruled him out as a suspect?”

“His alibi checks out. They suspect Kim Jongin.”

“Why? Just because Kim Jongin fled immediately after her body was found? How did the police react to that?”

“Because Jongin fled, his brother was asked to provide DNA which turned out to be a familial match to the DNA gathered at the crime scene. But that does not necessarily mean it’s the killer’s DNA. Miss Park was in a relationship with him. There’s no surprise his semen was found in her esophagus.”

“Do you rule him out as a suspect then?”

“I prefer to reserve my comment.”

“Why do you think he fled?”

“Grief drives us to do irrational things, Miss Jung. Maybe he just needed a breather from everything that was going on here. Can’t say for sure.”

“You’re certain the perpetrator is male?”

“Yes, I am. The perpetrator is male and an athletic one at that. Probably in his late twenties or early thirties. While the strangulation marks may be different, the pathologists reports suggest petechial haemorrhage in both cases which means he strangled and released and then strangled again, over and over. He’s either a sadist, or his hand lacks strength. You try it, grab my wrist.”

He extended his arm towards you and you politely declined. So he wrapped his right hand over his left wrist and held firmly for a few moments. 

“Forty seconds. It’s amazing how quickly the hand tires!” He exclaimed as if awestruck. It was the maximum emotion the inscrutable Dr. Doh had displayed during the course of this interview.

“Victims of strangulation are known to make a mess of themselves. They defecate and / or urinate..”

“That is correct. The bodies were both found posed and clean. Which means he spent hours after, washing them and cleaning the sheets, even. There could be a religious angle to this. Washing away their sins...maybe his own, considering he probably gets into the bath with them.”

He pushed a cup of long gone cold tea towards you, but you shook your head. As a crime reporter, you thought you’d seen it all but the possibility of this being the work of a serial killer was a first for you. Also the fact that it was happening in the place you grew up in was starting to gnaw at you a little more aggressively than you’d liked. 

“I’m not going to lie, Dr. Doh, this gives me pause for concern. Do you think there is a sexual angle to these killings? As far as I know, the victims have shown no signs of any such abuse.”

Kyungsoo sipped on his tea and worried at his lower lip briefly before responding. “I believe he’s the kind to take pictures, momentos from the scene. They sustain him between killings.”

“And the roses? There were..”

“Three next to Park Soojin’s corpse and two next to Seo Jinri’s.”

“Does it indicate -”

“- a countdown? Perhaps.” He studied your face intently and offered you tea again. This time you complied and then proceeded with the interview.

“There was no sign of forced entry in either cases. The police think the perpetrator was known to the victims.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. You see, Miss Jung, the problem is that these cases were treated as self solvers from the get go and that’s where it all went wrong.”

His smile at the end of that sentence was one of finality, somehow indicative that you’d overstayed your welcome. To be able to milk him for all he was worth, you were going to let him loose for the time being.

Clicking your recorder off, you tilted your head to the side, smiled politely, “Well, thank you for your time, Dr. Doh.”

“It’s been a pleasure.” 

While he was walking you to the front door, you couldn’t help but ask, “Dr. Doh, if I may, were the victims known to each other? Were they friends? Acquaintances?”

“That’s for the police to investigate. They were both in their late twenties, highly qualified -  one was a solicitor the other a botanist, both tan with double eyelids, a little over 5 feet”, He took a step closer to you, instinctively you took an uncomfortable step back but found yourself trapped between him and the front door. His burgundy turtleneck smelt like warm, sweet gingerbread mixed with the contrastive redolence of something woody. He put his hand on the clip that held your hair in a bun, an elusive smile dancing on his lips as he allowed your hair to freely ripple down to your waist. “...and they both had dark, waist length hair”, he whispered into your ear, sending a frisson of fear down your spine.

You looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights as he slowly retracted. Eyes locked with yours and face contorted in a fierce frown, he concluded grimly, “You fit his profile.”

.

.

.

Unable to sleep well that night, you went for an early morning run the next day and took a detour to Minseok’s residence. After discussing your findings with him, he offered you a close protection officer who’d moonlight to provide you security just until they’d made an arrest. Which meant you’d have one uniformed officer standing guard outside your guest house all day. You knew that they wouldn’t have done this for you if your family name wasn’t Jung.

“Kim Jongin’s back in town.” Relief seemed to have smoothened the lines on Minseok’s forehead and there was a boost of confidence in his voice when he broke the news to you.

“Are you planning to take him in?” you asked, sipping on coffee in Minseok’s kitchen while he made you some eggs.

He looked victorious and his brows shot up to his hairline as he explained animatedly, “We have enough evidence to put him on trial. I’ll get the warrant in two days.” 

“Hand to your heart, do you think he did it?”

“Yah, I’d never be able to make an arrest like that. If you promise not to quote me, I will say that -” 

He peered at you questioningly and you eased him with a reassuring nod, “Go on.”

“This looks like the work of an outsider.”

.

.

.

Later that evening, you found Jongin seated alone at a table in the bar. Beaten, as if overcome with exhaustion he was crouched over a glass of scotch, a silent tear sliding down his cheek. You sat next to him and ordered him another drink.

“I killed her.” He stated simply, eyes trained on the empty glass in front of him. To see a man whose taste buds didn’t even agree with coffee back in the day downing hard liquor effortlessly, broke your heart.

“What?” you enquired, sparing no effort to lay the edge off of your voice.

“That evening, we’d had a huge argument. She- she’d been wanting to move out of here for the longest time and I never agreed. It was as if she knew!” Burying his face in his hands, he broke into full blown sobs. It was a while before he composed himself and spoke again, “Here, you have your story. Following a trivial spat, a small town chaebol kills his girlfriend.”

Shaking your head furiously in disagreement, you held him tightly by his shoulders, “This is your chance, Jongin. Speak your truth. Tell them that you didn’t do it. They’ll need to hear it from you!”

Jongin looked you in the eyes, his own brimming with tears, “I was twelve when my puppy died and I couldn’t seem to get over it. My mother gave me this book which said the only way men can get over grief is by showing indifference, I tried that with Soojin.”

Brows furrowed, you asked, “And?”

“It worked for an hour.” He chuckled darkly, “I loved her and I always will. At this point I just don’t care. I should’ve listened to her. Maybe I even deserve this. I see the way people look at me, I- I feel written off, ostracized. A goddamn parliamentarian wants me in. My truth won’t survive their might.” 

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you started to talk him out of potential suicide, “Jongin -” 

But he raised his forefinger to silence you. Trembling, he asked, “I just find myself wondering, can you die from a broken heart?”

.

.

.

Kim Jongin had turned himself in.

Acquiescent to the slow wheels of justice, moderately satisfied with the first draft of your article, and concerned about your safety, your boss agreed to call you back to the Seoul office, at least until there were further developments in the case.

During the course of your stay in Cheongsong, you drove past the little street leading up to the Mansion several times but not once did you glance in its direction. Before your flight the next morning, you decided to pay the house a little visit to say a final goodbye. The first snow had laid a fleecy white blanket on the ceramic roof that gleamed from the light of the astral light of the night sky. You were flooded with memories of chasing butterflies in spring, climbing the only mango tree in town which still stood proud in your backyard, the stories of monsters and ghosts your parents would read to you in the blanket forts you’d build together… blissfully unaware that in a not so far future this was all your life would entail - monsters and ghosts.

The great oakwood front door turned on its hinges and a familiar aroma of caramel apple hotteok invited you in. They say every house has a peculiar smell and yours smelt of caramel apple hotteok, even after all this time. Your lips curled upward at the strangeness of your sentiments. The demons you tried so hard to escape all your life seemed like bad dreams and what was left of this place within you was just the good. The pure, unadulterated joy that was once your childhood. 

You proceeded to the kitchen to fetch yourself a cup of hot water, and that’s when you heard a knock on the front door. You ignored it at first thinking it was just the wind but the knock came again. Louder, this time. You left the kitchen to answer the door.

“Dr. Doh!” you exclaimed, utterly surprised to see him here at this hour.

“Miss Jung”, he smiled sheepishly, “I went by the guest house but the guard said you were at the Mansion. I just wanted to say goodbye, I’m leaving for Gyeonggi in the a.m.”

“Oh, yes, of course. Uh - I’m sorry, please, come in.” 

He followed you to the kitchen and said apologetically, “I hope I’m not imposing.”

“No, not at all! Never quite realised just how massive this house actually is - It was starting to eat me up. Gyeonggi, you say?”

“Oh, it’s a cursed life as an independent consultant, Miss Jung. I’m mostly living out of a suitcase..”

“I wish I could say differently. So your presence here was requested by Minseok’s team?” You asked as he took a seat at the kitchen table.

“No, I arrived just about a month before the first murder. My parents passed in a car crash three years ago. So I decided to sell the estate and the pepper farms.” He explained, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Would you like some tea? I brought some tea bags with me. I don’t know which tea it is, though.” You offered, mindlessly pouring hot water into two cups. 

“Sure” , he nodded.

“So did you?”

“What?”

“Manage to sell everything? And I’m sorry - uh about your parents.” 

You didn’t feel sorry. What you felt was an inexplicable weight in your chest rendering you breathless. Your heart started pounding erratically and your mind clouded over with a sense of impending doom as you went about the mundane task of making tea. 

“You seem a little out of it, Miss Jung. Is something bothering you?” He got off his chair and guided you to yours as your legs threatened to give away.

You sipped on some warm tea to steady yourself and said to Kyungsoo, “Oh, no it’s … It’s just this house. Maybe you were right, Dr. Doh. This isn’t a good time. I’m sorry but I might have to ask you to leave.”

Kyungsoo didn’t react. At all. He stood still, eyes fixed on your trembling frame.

“Park Soojin wasn’t his first kill”, he whispered.

“What?” you asked feebly, still trying to get a hold of yourself.

Kyungsoo sauntered over to the kitchen counter and brought you a glass of water. “Pay attention, Miss Jung. Park Soojin wasn’t his first kill. He was sloppy with the first one and it was only by a stroke of luck that he managed to get away. So he planned better with Soojin. Got even better with Jinri.”

Startled, you looked him in the eyes and he gave you a smile that raised goosebumps on your skin. 

Unperturbed Kyungsoo continued, pacing leisurely in the kitchen, a spine-chilling hint of exhilaration in his voice. “His criminal sophistication indicates that he understands criminology and knows police work. Unfortunately, Miss Jung,”, his voice dropped and you suddenly felt shackled to your seat. Squirming, but unable to make any big movement like reaching out for something that was heavy or sharp or both, “The tragedy is that he’s always believed he’s inferior to these women. But -” 

Kyungsoo levelled his face with yours and grinned with a glimmer of victory in his eyes, “for every tragedy, there is a happy ending.”

It took all you could muster to hold it together and dash for your purse to retrieve your cell phone. But you didn’t find it in there. 

“Is this what you’re looking for?” asked Kyungsoo, teasing as he pulled your phone from the inside pocket of his overcoat and handed it to you. 

You tried to turn it on to no avail. Voice as steady as could be, you said to him, “Please, please just leave!”

He took two easy steps towards you and you found yourself encased between his body and the wall. “Well then you shouldn’t have let me in! Tell me something, how could the close protection officer have given me your whereabouts if you dismissed him immediately after Jongin’s arrest? Haven’t you learnt since you were a little girl - always keep your guard up. Think before you speak. Did you think you were invincible?”

He took your hand in his and guided you back to the kitchen table. Eyes brimming tears, body trembling, and mind overcome with dread you followed him as if he were the pied piper. The familiar scent of gingerbread wafted up your nostrils making you nauseous.

As soon as you took a seat at the table, he put on his gloves, and lay a bottle of red nail polish and a red rose before you.

“Just think about how you can be with them again, Miss Jung. And don’t worry...I’ll be gentle.”

***

A/N: YES! you’re absolutely right! i just wanted to write turtleneck murderer Soo -_-

[aregularnewyorklife]

Back from the depths:

So, 2 years huh?

So, where have I been? In a nutshell, I have unfortunately been super preoccupied with my school life and also preoccupied with a couple of other projects (that I’ll mention later)

But that is probably not the main concern y’all probably have right now. Let’s talk about aRLiNY!

So what is the progress on the original ARLiNY update? Nothing. And I’d like to put emphasis upon the ‘original update’, because I’m not working on the original update anymore. Basically, after like a long while of reflection, I’ve decided to rewrite aRLiNY from the beginning, with a new and better structured vision.

In a nutshell, I’ve basically decided that if I ever have the full time to develop this game, I’m splitting it into three books instead of one whole big book. I’ve thought more in depth about chapter structuring (like having a proper prologue instead of that super long one lmao) and more things that would make my original vision so much better.

So why do this? Well there’s two reasons why I’ve decided to kinda revamp aRLiNY. The first reason is: I grew up. Ah yes, two years can do a lot to a person, and it definitely change a lot for me. Reflecting on my original writing, there was a lot of flaws that I really didn’t like with it. I won’t list them all, but hot damn, I’m not as a fan of it as I was in the past. Who knew putting references that maybe might not age well will age extremely poorly holy crap (especially the Yandere Dev reference oh no).

But the second reason is basically: the original code is appalling. Like legitimately, I do not understand a good amount of variables I’ve made that were supposed to affect the future. And there is a lot wrong with the species code, that is a endless pit of *else _if (and(or(and))). Even if I fixed up all my writing flaws, I would not tolerate the code I wrote in the past. I retroactively screwed my future writing progress 😩.

So is aRLiNY ending? No, the original version is, but the revamp is chugging on! Now don’t expect frequent updates though, this is legitimately only a side project for me to work on if I’m bored with my other projects and school life. So the release of the revamp versiom won’t be for a quite of time, or maybe it might be soon, I can’t see the future.

So keep a look out in the future! But if you were a fan of my works, I would check out my other project, Your Daily Damnation. It is a podcast about the regular life of demons (ala radio drama style). You can find its 20 minute pilot on YouTube (https://youtu.be/yNbMj20ueTY). I’m also a artist on the side of instagram (@VulpinusBoi)

I apologise for any disappointment this may bring. But progress brings improvement and self reflection! I’ll see yall in a future update!

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

TOSHIYA,  INTERVIEW 「PHY」VOL.17 TRANSLATION  2/2

He talks about the negative parts in human beings that the world has no choice but to look straight at. Also, he talks about his own melancholy. “Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”

Notes before reading: This is the second part of Toshiya’s interview for「PHY」Vol.17, released last 19th.  This part covers the last pages of the interview as well as an introduction paragraph  that was at the beginning of the magazine.

You can read the first part here. You can get the magazine at Cdjapan if you live out of Japan. Please buy and support it if you can. Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :)  ----

Text by: Higuchi Yasuyuki Photos by: Sasahara Kiyoaki Hair&Make-up : Yamaguchi Atsushi First part

-You don’t believe in those words?

T: Yes. Everything is a lie or a false image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious. After all, I believe it’s like that. Also I think of myself as just a shallow/miserable person.

-You are considerably demeaning yourself.

T: But I think that it’s true. That's why…. when I've been interviewed like this, in fact it’s the truth, I have nothing to say to them. I have a lot of things to say regarding myself but I just end up saying “this and that”.

-Do you mean you're not very confident about yourself?

T: Well, that's not the case. It’s difficult to express it with words. There it’s like I’m at their mercy/ under their control. Like, words are something that create a perception/image about yourself.  As I said earlier, internet is a place in which a lot of people are playing and manipulating words. Every time I look at it, that’s what I think.

-I sometimes think that too. As it is a way to communicate with words, sometimes I get a feeling like “Are you really thinking what you are writing?” T: That's right. And now that I’m suddenly thinking about this, that’s something I personally don’t like. It’s like you have to say the words that people are expecting you to say. That’s why when in the first day of the Pia arena Vip event hosted by another person, he told me  “finally, say some words or a message for the fans”, and I did just say “thank you”.

-Now that you said so, that’s what happened. While the other members said a few more words, you just said “thank you”.

T: I wanted to convey my feelings to the fans…. but at that moment, I felt like I was just trying to say something good and the options of what could I say were too many. Then, what did I want to say to the fans?.... When I was thoroughly thinking about that, there was just a feeling of gratitude there.

-So, you said “thank you”.

T:  Yes. I could only say that. At times like these, especially now, that the world/society is worried, I wanted to say something supportive. Like courage.

-That’s it.

T: It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I said those words to keep up the appearances, I thought to myself “what hypocrisy!”. After all, I’m a horrible guy (laughs)

-You are not a horrible guy. Quite the opposite.

T: You are being tricked (laughs)

-You are wrong (laughs) That’s you thinking that I am too innocent (to fall for that). I think that we don’t want to contaminate the pure part of ourselves.

T: That’s right. But the more you keep repeating words over and over, the more it feels like you are making excuses. That’s why I want to keep a distance from people as much as possible.

-But you don't hate people, right?

T: Yes, I don't hate them.

-I can see that by talking to you. So, I think that you have a stronger desire to be honest with people.

T: Yes.

-That’s why the only thing you said was “thank you”.

T: Yes, but I thought about it when I was going back home. Like, there were more things to say to the fans, right? That’s why I talked a little more the second day.

-That was what happened.

T: I'm really a problematic guy (laughs)

-Especially now, it’s the same when it comes to words and communication, even though there is like a sense of distance between people, isn’t the world itself currently under a situation that makes us feel nervous?

T: That’s right.

-It’s the same as the online slandering/defamation.  The movements for searching and censor politically incorrect/slandering words are also happening. I think that when I see those kinds of things. I feel like we are going to talk about this topic right now. I think this band when it comes to communication, there is like a sense of distance from people. I thought you were just a group of people who weren't good at that.

T: That’s right. In a place that it’s strange for you, it’s like you are more aware of your surroundings.

-Even if you have a sense of ego, you are not good at showing it off. You are not good at showing off enthusiasm to make people go crazy. However, everyone has the same feelings about the band, and face the same direction.

T: That's right. I think that’s something that link the five of us together.

-But you don’t talk about that to each other. I wish I could say the proper words but, looking at it from a third person perspective, any of you do that.

T: That’s right. It’s like that these 5 people are just…. isn’t it like if we are just warping feelings?

-As you as you try to put it into words, it sounds like something with no depth or thoughtful. That's something I personally think that applies to the current world as well.

T: I think that too. Certainly, I think these five people are a group of people who are just warped. So, what comes to my mind when we are having this conversation, it’s that it's important for this band to face the negative parts of these five people, including myself.

-That’s right.

T: So, isn’t it like the current situation making us have to face the negative part of ourselves? It has become very clear that we were pretending to not see it. However, it's not something that we just started doing, we pigeonhole the issues all the time and lived in a mediocre/all-too-common way, but in the face of this situation weI can't do anything and we can't compete. But I think that’s the negative part of us as people  and we have been facing that in the band.

“Everything is a lie or a fake image. Words, including lies and truths are mysterious.

-For sure. You have dared to look at that part and express it.

T: You can say that the fact that these five people were warped caused it to happen. I usually live without caring about the negative part in me. I think you wouldn’t be able to live if you care about it. I don’t want to think often “I’m a horrible guy”. But in order to express myself in this band, I have to face my negative part very much. That’s why this band has conveyed a world view in which the negative air/atmosphere is overwhelming

-So, it’s linked.

T: I think so. That’s why nowadays everyone is obsessed with the darkness of internet and SNS. Even if you know that what's over there are lies or fantasies/illusions. Things that are hard to face in real life there feel sweet, because there are no meaning/consequences, they gather there like a flock of sheep. It’s like, when you look at it, it’s full of words of daily complaints or things said out of boredom

“Some people say that doing SNS will bring you closer to your fans, but I don’t think so. Rather, it feels like a distant thing”

-I see. After our talk, I can understand now why you don’t do SNS. After all, it's a  more annoying/fastidious thing than what I was thinking. For those who face fans and people.

T: It's normal for me, right? Some people say that doing SNS will shorten the distance with fans, but I don't think so. Rather, it feels distant. I think that you can already tell the reason (why I don’t do SNS) after all we have talked so far.

-Because it’s a false image/pretence?

T: Yes. Well, I think that everything has a false image but that’s why I’m like “what are people thinking while they are using them?”.

-Of course, there are several problematic aspects, but after all its roots are very useful.

T: Of course, it's convenient, and I'm a person who benefits from them (SNS). Above all, there are members who are doing SNS, and I understand it, it is important to connect fans and with the member but probably it’s something that it’s not made for me. I feel sorry for the members who are doing it.

-Hahahaha.

T: That’s why, after all, I’m a horrible guy, a guy who can't keep up with the times (laughs)

 ------

 2020.08.19

Since band shots go usually according to the band's world view (and there is 80% chance of them being dark not being able to see their faces well),  in this solo project, Higuchi (the interviewer) planned to do the opposite that happens when shooting with any member as much as possible. This time, we decided to fill the page with Toshiya's physical beauty (laughs). After requesting “a beautiful styling that allows to see the lines of his body”, you can see it here. Overflowing muscles that just stick out from the chest!  A strong hip line like a racehorse! Looking at the camera with a sweet and a painful facial expression! The shooting goes on and we gradually let him to lead the pose and the facial expressions! That’s why there are a lot of good photos, as we were able to take them, we posted a lot in the magazine as well. As you can tell from the interview, he was nervous about what he was saying, probably because of the social situation we are currently in, but he conveyed the feeling that he was really talking from his heart. Definitely, he is not a horrible guy at all! (laughs)

[ninbayphua-moyan]

Moonlit Sparrow Through Parted Clouds

Thunderous grey clouds hung heavy in the sky as I made my way towards the lecture hall. My body ached with a bone-deep exhaustion and each leaden step I took felt heavier than the last. I stopped, wanting to turn back, but time and time again, my body refused to obey as my legs carried me towards my destination.

          Half an hour later, I found myself standing outside the empty lecture hall despite the countless hesitations along the way. Sighing, I sank to the floor and closed my eyes, too tired to remain upright. That’s what university does to you. It sucks out your soul, your passion, and your youth, leaving nothing behind but an empty husk of a human being.

           A familiar voice calling my name pricked my hazy, sleep deprived brain and I cracked open my heavy eyelids. My facial muscles moved like clockwork, automatically forming a smile to greet my friend.

           “You look like a corpse!” Chu Ying exclaimed worriedly at the sight of the heavy dark circles beneath my vacant eyes.

           “Haven’t been getting much sleep this week…” I replied with a nonchalant shrug as I quickly scrunched up my eyes until they turned into little crescents of laughter, “assignments due soon.”

           Seemingly convinced by my explanation, she gave me a look of sympathetic encouragement and left. The second no one was looking, I let the smile fall. Amazing what a simple smile could conceal. You could probably murder someone, smile, plead innocent and everyone would believe you. Sighing softly under my breath, I grabbed my bag and joined the gathering crowd of students as they trickled into the dimly lit lecture theatre.

           My laptop sat quietly on the desk, an empty word document laid open on its illuminated screen as the lecturer’s monotonous voiced droned on and on in the background. I should have been taking down notes but my mind was too preoccupied with my issues with the Undergraduate Office to focus on what the lecturer was saying.

           A rhythmic vibration drew my attention towards the phone sitting on my lap. Glancing at the pop-up notification, a wave of anxiety and hope surged through my body as I registered who the sender was – the Undergraduate‘s Office. Quickly, I pulled up the email and immediately felt my heart sinking after reading the first line.

          All seminar groups are full and we cannot move students.

          Lies.

          Another notification, this time, from my personal tutor.

          It’s only week 3, relax.

          Disappointment. Betrayal. Frustration. Anger. I clenched my trembling hands into fists as the tsunami of emotions threatened to explode and spill out of my shaking body. Half of me wanted to storm over to the Undergraduate’s office and let loose the unbridled rage coursing through my veins at the unfair treatment. The other half of me wanted to lash out at my tutor’s condescending advice. My body trembled at the barely, ever so barely contained anger.

          Sixteen thousand pounds. That would be eighty-four thousand two hundred and seventy-nine ringgit each year in school fees. Fees which didn’t even include the amount I needed to spend in order to buy the books required for the modules. Sixteen thousand pounds per year just to get an education, an education that I wasn’t even getting at this point and her advice for me was to relax? How could I when my parents worked their entire youth away, saving every cent just so they could send me, all the way to Britain to get a proper education! Did they even know what the stakes of sending me abroad to study was?!

          My father’s average yearly income is twenty-four thousand ringgits, barely twenty-eight percent of my yearly school fees. Was it that unreasonable to want to be in a class that will allow me to learn and improve after paying for that much money out of my parents’ own pocket?! Why would anyone in their right mind come half way across the globe, paying that ridiculous amount of money, and being so far away from family and home for years, just to fool around? If that had been my intention, I wouldn’t even have bothered going to university in the first place, let alone coming all the way to Cardiff!

          University will be fun they said. You’ll meet open-minded people passionate about learning they said. Hah! That’s the biggest misconception if there ever was one. First of all, the university doesn’t care about whether you actually learn anything so long as you're paying the fees. The majority of lecturers or seminar leaders will only do the most minimal amount of work required and by that, I mean three hundred words of prose only per weekly assignment. What kind of creative work could anyone produce under three hundred words? In prose! Some don’t even bother with critical commentary which is just as essential as the creative pieces. Not only does the lack of practice in writing critical commentaries and limited word count for the creative pieces inhibit students from developing any work of significance, it also underprepares students for the three-thousand-word portfolio due at the end of the semester.

          Secondly, British universities are also especially discriminatory towards outsiders or people of colour, often treating minorities and international students with hostility or disregard. I’ve experienced this discrimination first hand upon requesting a seminar change. Despite having emailed the Undergraduate Office at the same time with the exact same reasons, I was denied the change whilst my British classmate was immediately allowed to swap seminars. The office even went so far as to lie about the class being full even though I was told by the professor leading that very seminar that it wasn’t. So much for the integrity of the institution.

          At the end of the day, international students are nothing but cash cows to British universities.[1] Not only do they have to pay double of what British students pay in terms of fees, they also have to deal with the discriminations that come alongside being an outsider. I understood that in this day and age, education was a business, and that the university itself was, essentially, a business, but doesn’t actual passion for learning still count for something? Or was I wrong in believing in that as well? Oh, so naïve, so very naïve!

          Old memories started to surface amongst the turmoil of emotions. My father and his worn-out clothes, refusing each time to buy new ones for himself just to save a little more money. My mother mending them as best she could whilst we slept, never once complaining. Images of my father’s prematurely greying hair and bloodshot eyes as he worked his health away to provide for his children’s future. My mother’s back bent low, labouring away at some project or another in order to make ends meet. Yet, they never once showed us how tired or how tough things were. There was always enough food on the table and they always had a smile on their faces around us. Sometimes, I noticed that they would eat a lot less than usual but whenever I asked, they merely joked and said they were trying to lose weight. They could have enjoyed their youth, their honeymoon, but they decided to save it all, sacrificing their health and comfort just to ensure mine by sending me here.

          I remember the times where they would secretly check their wallets whenever I begged them to buy me a book. Oh, how those very books painted and fuelled my illusions of Britain’s perfection. If only I had known the reality of it all before applying to study here. But it’s too late for regrets now.

          A sharp stinging pricked the back of my eyes, tears threatening to fall as my body shook with suppressed, uncontrollable rage. Maybe if I was a little braver…maybe if I fought a little harder…maybe if I confronted them a bit more…maybe…maybe…maybe…

          Then as quickly as they appeared, the tsunami of emotions faded away, leaving behind an empty husk. My clenched fists loosen and fell limply at my sides as a quiet, bitter laugh escaped my lips. Nothing was going to change. No matter how hard I fought, the end results will remain the same so what’s the point of even trying in the first place?

          As the cold hard reality of the situation finally presented itself, I slumped against the chair, my empty laptop screen staring blankly back at me. Resignation dragged me deeper and deeper into the murky depths of my mind. I was drowning. No one knew and no one cared. But that’s fine. The ending remains the same regardless. Always the same…

          The sound of rustling papers and loud chatter momentarily draws me out of the murky waters. Realising that the lecture had ended, I gathered my things and shuffled towards the exit, my mind returning once more to the depths of the void. Outside, the rain was pouring. I plodded down the streets drenched to the bone as my legs moved mechanically towards my flat. A stifling numbness engulfed my mind as I trudged on in silence, the howling wind battering my shivering, rain-soaked body from all sides. Rounding the corner, I pulled out a key-card and entered the cramped grey flat. Out of sheer habit, I grabbed the letters from my letterbox and stuffed them into my coat pocket before heading upstairs.

           Entering the dingy room, I dropped my backpack on the bed and sank to the floor. Hugging my knees to my chest, I stared vacantly at the bleak wall. My phone rang insistently in my pocket but I didn’t answer, too tired to move. The crushing weight on my lungs forced out whatever little oxygen I managed to draw, making each breath a struggle. The clamouring voices in my mind grew louder and louder, growing in intensity yet forcefully contained, like built-up pressure without release on the brink of implosion.

You’re useless

          I’m…not…

You can’t even stand up for yourself or fight for what you believe is right

          Yes I can! And I’m trying! I’ve –

You’re a disappointment to your parents and your family

          I’m not! I swear! I –

You’ll never amount up to anything

          That’s not true! I –

You’re pathetic

          No –

Nothing but a Failure

          Stop saying –

Human garbage

          Please! Just –

Waste of space

           “SHUT UP!”

           Silence. Nothing but the sound of my ragged breathing in the darkness.

The world would be better off without you

          I don’t know how long I had stayed there on the floor but by the time I came around, my dripping wet clothes were nearly dry. The chaotic calamity within had finally died down and I was filled with an eerie calmness. A deafening silence blanketed the air, pierced only by the hypnotic rumbling of trains across tracks. Ah yes…the railway…my ticket to solving everything…just two blocks away…and it’ll all be over…permanently…

          Forcing my lethargic limbs to move, I wobbled onto my feet and stumbled towards the door. A tiny parcel fell out of my pocket and the handwriting on it made me paused. It was my mother’s. Even under the dimness of the moonlight trickling in, there was no mistaking that immaculately cursive hand.

          Letting go of the door handle, I kneeled down to pick up the neatly wrapped package. Then, slowly, as if afraid it would fall apart at the slightest touch, I began unwrapping the parcel. Upon opening the box, tears welled at the corner of my eyes. Six little cylindrical bundles of haw flakes were carefully packed within, each attached to a tightly rolled up strip of paper. Gently untying the scrolls from the sweets, I began reading them one at a time.

          Jie![2] I got you your favourite sweets! Wanted to buy you more of them but Ma said there wasn’t enough space in the box. Don’t worry, I’ll send you a big box of them once I’ve saved up enough money.

– Di[3]

          My heart ached as I thought about how much it must have costed for them to ship the parcel all the way from Penang to Britain. And with the little amount of pocket money…it must have taken Di-Di months of saving to be able to afford buying that one bundle of sweets…

          Jie, just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean you have to hold everything in on your own y’know? It’s okay to rely on others a bit more from time to time. Enjoy the sweets you idiot, you’re crazy about those haw flakes. No idea why you like them either, they aren’t even that nice.

– Mei[4]

          Tears pricked the back of my eyes as my sister’s grumpy voice echoed in my ears. I could even see the disbelieving eye roll at my odd preferences in sweets after the last sentence. How I’ve missed our senseless squabbles and late-night chats….

          A-Yun, being an international student in the UK isn’t always the easiest thing, especially when you’re a minority there. You’ve already taken the necessary steps and have done all you can in that situation. Remember, it’s the end result and not the process that defines a victory. Remember what Sun Tzu mentioned in The Art of War? ‘The most important rule to victory is to know when to pick your fights and how to fight it’. Not all battles need to be fought to win the war. Never forget our family values and never lose sight of your goal. Don’t worry about finances, let me handle that. Just focus on your studies and aim for that first-class honours. The best revenge is to succeed despite their efforts to stop you. Continue to work hard and don’t give up. Know that regardless of the outcome, your Ma and I are proud of you and that we love you very, very much.

– Ba[5]

           A sob catches at the back of my throat as tears flowed freely down my cheeks. Acute pangs of longing weighed heavily on my chest, making it hard to breathe.

          A-Yun[6] ah, if it ever becomes too much to bear at Cardiff, come home. Ma will make you your favourite dishes. I know you want to do well but don’t overwork yourself. Remember to get enough rest and try to change your bad habit of skipping meals. Two boiled eggs alone don’t count as a proper meal either!

– Ma[7]           

          A sheepish giggle escaped my lips despite the tears, Ma’s exasperated voice ringing in my ears. I could almost picture the look of indignation on her face as she judges my terrible meal choices before proceeding to fill my bowl with steamy boiled dumplings.

          Ah…Ma’s famous boiled dumplings…the saltiness of minced pork marinated with soy sauce and sesame oil…the refreshing sweetness of spring onions and carrots contrasting the pork’s saltiness…flecks of finely chopped hei-mu-er adding a chewy texture to the tender meat whilst thin sheets of delicately wrapped dough encapsulated it all…the slight bitterness of the herbal broth complementing the savoury dumplings…[8] My stomach growled in protest as I smiled fondly at the memory.

          Wiping away the remaining tears, I unrolled the last strip of paper. Elegant brushstrokes painted familiar characters in horizontal lines. A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I recalled sitting on A-Gong’s [9] lap in the garden as kid, watching him practice calligraphy. I remembered how he used to read his poems aloud as I gaze at his hands guiding the bamboo brush across the ivory sheet, entranced by its flowing movements. Each word written was like a piece of art, each stroke of ink painting a meaning of its own.

Tranquil night’s darkness, the moon shines bright, From the mud the lotus rises, its petals pure despite. Vermillion red blossom like wildly raging flames; Elegant, virtuous, delicate, yet exquisitely untamed. The wise once said that adversity yields flair, An upright heart, oblique shadows don’t scare. Dripping water with time wears the stubborn stone, Sturdy wood too can be cut with rope saws alone! [10]

          A strange tranquility wrapped itself around me as I read the poem, A-Gong’s calm and mellow voice resonating in my ears. It was almost as if he was standing right before me with the usual toothless smile and twinkling eyes on his wizen face. Tenderly cradling the small box of sweets, a faint smile graced my lips. Their vermillion red and gold wrappings shone with a certain warmth under the soft light of the moon. Gently unwrapping one of the thumb-size bundles with shaking hands, I popped a disk-like piece into my mouth.         

          Immediately, a wave of warmth spread throughout my cold and hollowed body, almost as if it was infused with the life-giving heat of home. The familiar tart sweetness of the hawthorn berries cleared the heavy fog that clouded my mind and for the first time in a long while, I felt energy slowly seeping back into my worn-out soul, reigniting the snuffed-out fire within. Strange how something so small, barely the size of my thumb, could bring so much comfort and hope. That night, the moon shone a little brighter than usual, and the normally barren sky seemed to be exploding with billions of twinkling stars.

NOTES

[1] Alina Schartner & Yoonjoo Cho, ‘“Empty signifiers” and “dreamy ideals”: perceptions of the “international university” among higher education students and staff at a British university’, Higher Education, 74 (2017), 455-472

[2] ‘Jie’ means older sister in Chinese

[3] 'Di’ means younger brother in Chinese

[4] 'Mei’ means younger sister in Chinese

[5] ‘Ba’ means father in Chinese

[6] ‘Yun’ is written as ‘云’ meaning ‘cloud’

[7] 'Ma’ means mother in Chinese

[8] Hei-mu-er is the Mandarin term for black cloud ear fungus, a type of mushroom often used in Chinese cuisines.

[9] ‘A-Gong’ means grandfather in Chinese (specifically, the Hainanese pronounciation)

[10] This is a self written and self translated poem I wrote. The original Chinese version can be found here.

[11] ‘Moonlit Sparrow Through Parted Clouds’ is a play on 守得云开见月明 meaning the moon will shine brightly again when the clouds part, and 麻雀虽小五脏俱全 meaning though a sparrow is small, it has all the vital organs.

Author's Notes:

So this is one of my earlier prose pieces from uni (all the way back from first year lol). I don’t usually post prose? Not prose of this length at least. Anyways, I thought I’d take the leap and try posting them online now since I decided to start doing that for my poetry pieces? The rest of my prose pieces throughout uni somehow ended up becoming interlinked with several recurring characters though there are some inconsistencies since they were initially intended as stand-alone pieces rather than a series of somewhat loosely linked short stories. I’ll be posting them in story timeline sequence (or at least as closely to a sequence as I can since I didn’t exactly plan out the timeline of these pieces either) rather than in the sequence it was written in so there might be a slight fluctuation in writing style cuz they do kinda change over the years? Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading Part 1~ 

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

Since exams are over and graded and I've officially graduated, I can finally post my work online without having to worry about Turnitin picking it up as plagiarism because apparently you aren't allowed to plagiarise yourself according to university which is absolutely ridiculous but I'm not the one making the rules here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, please don't reupload my works without permission.