#but unfortunately the Fear exists | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ketchfantrolls · 1 year

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classes are kicking my ass but at least i have. a cat i suppose

#dead ass just not doing fantastic in the past few weeks #my anxiety attacks have returned with a vengeance and i've had like 12 in the past month #it doesn't help that tiny little things tend to set me off #so yeah #that's how i've been lately #i wish i knew how to talk to people and make friends faster because i would love being able to talk about my fantrolls and stuff frequently #but unfortunately the Fear exists #ooc #vent

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butchfalin · 10 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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catgirlkirigiri · 4 months

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Welcome back to my eternal curse of needing to turn every interest of mine into warrior cats. I resisted for so long but alas... wc satosugu

#rest assured chat i have turned literally every major interest of mine into warrior cats at some point. except for bands #you havent seen most of them but know they exist #jjk wc #moonsight #nightmist #unfortunately for all of us chat. i am having plot thoughts for this one. jjk wc au is gonna stick around i fear #zoracontent #zora arts #also i have never understood that this fandom always makes gojo a longhair cat and geto shorthair like?? are we seeing the same guys #at least in the cat art ive seen of them. and boy have i seen a lot of cat art of them. not complaining obvs i am contributing via warriors #but seriously in what world is geto a shorthair. i can get behind longhair gojo even if i dont agree but shorthair geto is a crime

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the-woman-upstairs · 4 months

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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me #let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough #iwtv spoilers #interview with the vampire #armand #this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand #and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want #or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around #I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic #you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you #and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others #even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode #as a means of control both external and internal #this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of #armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior #and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship #idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires #all of this also ties into louis and daniel #because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him #someone HUMAN no less #and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis #breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t #not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones #it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize #like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia #I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself #it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors #that ultimately result in your own abandonment #god this fucking show

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jasontoddenthusiastt · 6 months

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Most people when seething at the fact that Jason is popular, at least try to disguise it with some hastily crafted “woke” justification for why it’s *~problematique~* to avoid looking completely pathetic, but this person just jumped right into the tantrum I love it

#it’s the honesty. You are so very upset and aren’t afraid to express that out of fear of judgment from others #no matter how genuinely stupid and pointless the reason is #kelseethe #fr though it’s so strange to get mad at a random character’s popularity #if you don’t go looking for him he won’t crawl through your tv screen like the ring girl and make his existence known to you (unfortunate)#it really is not that hard to ignore him and let him disappear #especially when you are a huge fan of completely unrelated characters like the one mentioned there #it’s not like he’s Bruce or Clark who are all over happy meals and theme park rides and pjs

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crimeronan · 2 months

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🌹

“How does… how does the Emperor talk about her?” Camila asks.

#what exists of this fic is pretty good actually.#congratulations your dead daughter is alive! unfortunately you are now grappling with Fun New Adult Fears (TM) and trying to keep your #alive daughter from figuring out exactly why you're so frightened. yay #everyone stan camila. best mom forever for real.#toh #princess luz au #my writing #ask game

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killakalx · 4 months

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don’t even know if i want kids. HOWEVER. if dick mf grayson wanted kids, I would give that man a whole football team.

-🧸

jesus christ if it was just y’all and dick grayson on the earth it’d probably be repopulated within the next year. you’re real asf though!

#sorry i sound like a hater rn. i have a fear of pregnancy and labor #and it unfortunately outweighs my love for dick grayson #only reason i’m so into him having a breeding kink is bc birth control and plan b exists.#kali ;; inbox #🧸 anon !!

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callixton · 28 days

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the thing is that sex doesn’t scare me but bodies do which is unfortunately commonly considered an integral part of sex

#it’s late & i might be sick & i took nyquil several hours ago someone should take my posting rights away #that said. i think this is sort of the crux of said issues #the unfortunate part abt bodies is that there is no existence that does not give me some measure of dysphoria. which is a miserable & unfair #- way to live. not only in regards to myself but also it’s unfair to the people who i love and am attracted to #really cool how i have worked so hard to not internalize transphobic ideas abt what a person needs to look/feel like & i am still here.#i fear this may never get better ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#at least there r freaks out there who understand that sex doesn’t actually need to involve ur body much but i cannot find them #ted talks #minors dni

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soul-of-rei · 6 months

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i think somebody said it was time i was put back in my place

#rei rambles #A COCKROACH JUST FLEW PAST ME AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT WENT .ITS FUCKING BIG GUYS #UNFORTUNATELY IM NOT CAFFEINATED AND STRWSSED OUT OF MY MIND . THE FEAR OF GOD EXISTS RN

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rubberduckyrye · 1 month

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I literally have been up all night watching yt shorts because that damn Giant Alien Monster has me anxious and I don't want to ah e another god damn nightmare ☠️

#my current thoughts to settle my irrational fear of the Giant Aloen Monster: Wear a suit of Armor #It can't eat metal so it'll think I'm inedible #And if it tries it'll just spit me back out and I'll have a parachute #With these kind of irrational fears just trying to tell yourself it isn't real doesn't work I find #So that's my big Plan of a Giant Alien Monster does Exist #Unfortunately that does not solve the issue of being afraid of my nightmares tho...#Bah!

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archivestarlyht · 4 months

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also if you were curious of a reference,,,,,,

in terms of how he looks vs game model he would be missing his ears from just under the top piercing upward. so that top piercing and the tips of both ears wouldn't be there.

he has several other piercings in his ears that draw attention (his approach to piercings is very much 'fine, i'll give you something to stare at'), but it is pretty clearly noticeable.

#topmost piercing etc in game ? doesn't exist .#he should have a bunch of other rings and cartilage piercings though .#he’s just a pretty goth guy elf i fear . 😔 🙏#it is very noticeable .#no ear clipping should be a thing . unfortunately .

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heartofstanding · 8 months

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Shout out to the person who once told me that it was "most likely" Henry V was straight because modern population data suggests an ever-so-graciously rounded down 90% of the population is straight and Occam's Razor and all that. Maybe! Maybe Henry V was straight! No one knows! But more to the point, that population data suggests that 1 in every 10 people aren't straight, not "90% chance this individual was straight so therefore they were all straight because Occam's Razor". Why aren't you advocating for the accuracy of ensuring 1 in 10 characters in histfic aren't straight? Oh, right, we can't have queers in historical fiction unless you have explicit evidence that they actually were queer. 🙄

#same person used to get all 'well actually' about people calling achilles and patroclus lovers #which. it's technically true that homer didn't say they fucked but also..... who the fuck cares this much about no-homoing achilles?#really. anyone ready to jump in to no homo some historical or mythical person is a huge red flag #why is it so bad that historical figures aren't straight by default? literally why is it 'bad history' that queer people might have existed #why is it bad history that possibly famous dead people were queer? you don't know they were straight anymore that you know they were gay!#(the convo around h5 was actually about how he was possibly asexual or gay #and how that's a more valid reading of the evidence of him not having sex with than 'he was a massive woman fearing misogynist'#- which itself has homophobic and aphobic connotations -#but they didn't seem to know what asexuality is. so that was fun.)#text posts #unfortunately i was just 'er ok whatever' at the time

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bigeloo · 1 year

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#there's like one (1) tag that doesn't get any bleedover and its one unit whole blood #but like. the fandom barely exists so #oh and technically blood 2 the chosen but that's more on the account of the characters being the same y'know #tolys.png #blood (1997)#blood #don't get me wrong I love blood it's one of my fave games but the fact that it was named that is just unfortunate #monilith couldn't predict the fandom that would surround this or how social media would be a thing + function I fear

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aeide-thea · 1 year

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thinking abt (1) that post abt how most censorship is preemptive self-censorship¹ (2) bras²

⸻ ¹ wow, tumblr search actually worked for once??? ² i do understand and respect that for many people bras serve an actual structural function wrt support/comfort! however, for many other people (hi!) they do not, at least in everyday non-sports contexts, and that's the set of concerns i'm speaking to here.

#i mean for me personally it's also like. sometimes/often/always i don't want to have visible tits‚ for Gender Reasons #so rendering them more compressed & visually ignorable is a move in the right direction #but that's sort of seasonal (which sounds insane‚ but‚ idk‚ in the summer the visible body hair helps balance out the visible tits???)#so it's like. objectively very obvious that i ought to go braless more in the summer #when it would bother me less visually and dramatically increase my comfort levels #and i do‚ in the house! but like. when i go out i still feel the need to render myself Presentable and i'm mad about it #bc like. yeah it's partially a trans desire to hide my chest but like. is that actually separable from the way women are socialized #to manage their breasts to HOA-approved standard or else open themselves up to a whole gamut of inappropriate treatment. (no.)#and so it's really just like. reimposing many different shades of cisheteropatriarchy on myself simultaneously #but unfortunately the only way out is to just. accept all the bad reactions i'm living in fear of. but those DO feel bad!#as always it's like. hard when yr self-protective conditioning isn't serving you wrt being a free person #but IS a rational reaction to the hobbled reality of yr actual existence…#like. easy to say 'just ignore those worries.' and maybe i will‚ at least in the context of like. casual public appearances #but like. even if the material consequences are unlikely‚ for me‚ to be more than unpleasantly judgmental stares—#that's still a real emotional consequence that has an impact on my well-being! but so does the self-censorship.#anyway. too many tags & no novel insight. just like. sux lol #(also usually on here i omit any discussion of Tit Management Issues bc it's my space where i get to pretend not to have a body)#(but like. that's self-censorship of a kind too.)#embodiment (is violence)

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daz4i · 5 months

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before god created me he thought "oh this is gonna be so funny" and so he put a princess in a body of a guy who looks like a stereotypical cartoonish security guard that is actually a little guy in a body of a divorced mom who did not age well who is actually just a lonely girl in the body of the human equivalent of a depressurized blobfish

#i'm like 7 layers of gender dysphoria (+body dysmorphia? ig?) in a trench coat #gender complex enough and gender presentation (unwillingly) fucked up enough to unlock new types that don't even exist yet #i have. a lot more to say but it'll just hurt unrelated ppl i fear. so i'll leave it at that unfortunately

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strwbrymlkshake · 6 months

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I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

#mine #normally i've been good about not being too upset over things #but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me #i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence #will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me #oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered #by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash #and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right?#you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude #i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have #and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all.#i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid #i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck #WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE?#i guess im crying because they are all so stupid #so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes.#friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend #even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to #then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem #explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just #uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about #okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️

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